angel on my shoulder, trying to get my attention and slowly growing smaller with a more squeaky voice as it speaks : please ! wouldnt it be so "based" and "slay pilled" if you let you weary body rest ? it is almost 2 am for goodness sake ! weren't you so tired earlier ? your body is precious ! it deserves rest ! please !
devil on my shoulder, pounding a celsius: you need to join a discord convo thats gonna keep you up for at least another hour with people in a differnt timezone for the fifth night in a row ruight fucking now
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I'm too tired to write the full Essay™, but someone said in the tags that Stampede took away Knives' fear and it made me realize that the core issue I have with Trigun Stampede is the fact that the characters lack the emotional depth of Trigun Maximum. Like, I'm enjoying Stampede, and it's emotional, but Knives and Vash especially have had their emotional complexity watered down in comparison to the manga.
In the manga, they were as much at war with themselves as they were with each other and world around them. Knives was expressive, animated, and always playing up the megalomaniac god complex in public, but in private he was exhausted and scared and even expressed guilt towards his sisters for being careless in how he orchestrated the fall. Vash was an upbeat pacifist who was constantly fighting his own urge to take the "easy" way out and kill to solve problems.
It's what made the manga so heartbreaking. Neither of them were entirely right, but neither of them were entirely wrong. Knives shouldn't try a genocide, but he was also a deeply traumatized child who was shown how cruel humans could be to plants. Vash should try to do as much good in the world as he can, but holding onto the ideals of pacifism in a hostile environment does more harm than good and he learns that when he's finally pushed to the point where he has to choose between killing and saving someone important to him.
I don't think it's impossible for Stampede to recover in Season 2, but the foundations aren't great. Changing Nai to being cold as child seems like such a small change, but Knives starting out as the optimist who loved humanity is so central to that internal conflict... I don't know. Maybe they'll come back to the point of Rem being important to Knives and make use of the fact that he intended for her to survive and that might save it. We'll have to see.
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You deserve to make room for yourself the same way you do for others.
⨯ . ⁺ ✦ ⊹ ꙳ ⁺ ‧ ⨯. ⁺ ✦ ⊹ . * ꙳ ✦ ⊹
Just like others, you are a person! If you are struggling to love yourself, consider how you treat yourself. Would you authentically love someone who talks to you the way you do? How can you expect to love yourself when you wouldn't even be friends with someone who treats others that way? It is an act of self-disrespect to ignore your own needs and desires.
I don't say this to make you feel ashamed of your self-talk, but rather to invoke a look outside for a change. We are always looking inside ourselves so often that we don't notice our simple worth as a person, a human, a being on the earth. Millions of people consider themselves the one exception.
You deserve to eat yummy foods like our friends do. You deserve to be treated with respect like our peers do. You deserve to feel the sun on your face the same way a flower does. You deserve to forgive yourself for things that you regret. You deserve more than "I'm used to it." You deserve to move your body the same way a dog deserves to be taken on a walk. You deserve to live a fulfilling life where your needs are met.
It's time to apologize to yourself. It's time to take accountability for all the ways you antagonized yourself. It's time to mend the relationship with your own body and your own mind. You don't have to keep fighting with yourself, you are allowed to repair things that have been broken. Offer yourself grace and kindness, just as you would for others. Forgive yourself by making it up to yourself.
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I’m sure I’m not the first person to say this, but I am so grateful that the Yellowjackets creative team has proven themselves flexible storytellers—in a lot of ways, but particularly regarding Van. ‘Cuz how many times do we get a lesbian in a show (especially a funny, lovable one) and resign ourselves to having to say goodbye in some catastrophic way? And this is absolutely the kind of show where, until you see the adult counterparts, any one of those kids could bite it. And that Van was SUPPOSED to die—or at least, wasn’t necessarily supposed to live—but Liv Hewson did such a fantastic job and the character became so enriched and so charming that she not only gets to live past season one, but gets to live into adulthood.
And that she gets to be so herself in adulthood; Van feels the least changed, in some ways, of any of the grown versions. She’s, as Ambrose and Hewson point out, dimmed down and calcified, but she’s still dressing the same, she’s still proudly gay, she’s out here acting as a sort of snarky cinema mentor to the kids who come into her shop. No, she isn’t happy, because none of them are, but she is alive, and she’s out and proud, and she’s a fundamental figure in this narrative when she could so easily have been written out in a blaze of fire or a wolf attack. I’m so grateful, because it means no matter where adult Van’s journey takes her, we’re getting to hang on to Hewson for as long as the show runs, as one of the core six members of the ‘96 cast, and that is fucking huge. We’re getting the message that at least two of those six characters are gay and get to grow up, and that gayness has nothing whatsoever to do with their trauma and problems in 2021. Like. Goddamn. That’s enormous.
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