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plainvanillapotato · 4 years

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Quarantine diaries: its still may 22 2020.

Continuation of my “the 100 diaries” cuz y’all asked for it

Season 1. Ep. 2 Earth Skills

These kids sure have some stamina for people who have been stuck on a space blob all of their life. Ok wait imagine if instead of all these super attractive and fit actors we got the space people from wall-E who barely walk to save their lives. Now that is realistic.

Some bones. Mystery. Intrigue. Clearly not a human skull tho.

*hears jasper screaming* yes lets run toward the danger. I know I know be the hero and save the guy but if we’re living by the “do whatever the hell we want” rule then you bet your ass that I’m not gonna be the hero

Also how did jasper not die cuz really it looked like an instant kill

Side note: I’ve just realized where I recognize Clarke’s mom. She’s that aunt in the game plan.

Thelonious… really? These character names are all over the place. I mean you have regular names like Finn and Abby but then you jump to thelonious and Bellamy?! But who am I to judge? I live in a universe where Elon Musk's kid is named X Æ A-12.

Aww wells...such a nice guy! Did he really just bury those two people all by himself? Like no one else saw him and didn’t offer to help him. But I guess as these are some angsty teens who only care about themselves

Wait...wells also stripped them of their clothes kinda gross but you gotta do what you gotta do

Wow first appearance of a shirtless Bellamy. He’s hot

So I really don’t like this Murphy character. It does not help that the jacket that his wearing, the shoulder pad looks like one of those spiky balls I used to play with as a kid. Ill insert some images to prove this. Like I swear to god I bet that the costume design people straight up cut one of them spiky balls and just slapped that on the jacket

Lol I was really worried there for a moment thinking that Bellamy would actually stop that fight between wells and Murphy. Bellamy is chaotic neutral/evil giving wells a knife for a fair fight

Grounders. I wonder if they had a discussion on what they should call the people that survived on earth cuz i feel like there’s a better name for them but idk what. Also does that mean that the 100 and the ark people are called ‘spacers’

Clarke is being very anal about these wristbands like I understand her reasoning but it’s annoying me rn

This show shows more politics than I thought it would. It’s interesting how the kids take on the traits and characteristic of their parents

Wooow this show is really going with the smart Asian stereotype. Like you’re literally keeping Monty from saving his best friend because his brain is too valuable. please tell me there is more to monty than his brains

Clarke really be out here negging Finn AND Bellamy into a suicide mission to find jasper

Also I find it fascinating that one of the main reasons that Bellamy is the leader of these spacers is because he has a gun. Is this supposed to be reflective of real life?

I watch this show with subtitles on and… they spell Adam as ATOM. Like what? I literally had to look it up on IMDb to see if that was an error but nope it wasn’t

Bellamy is a very possessive big brother. Like I know its out of love but its a bit much and kinda anti-feminist like he treats octavia like a doll

Who is this raven character cuz i really don’t be needing another subplot

“Lockup has been quarantined. There’s some kind of a virus” …. CORONAVIRUS?! Is this show the parallel universe everyone is talking about

For a girl who had very limited social interaction, octavia is very confident flirting. Like for real, she flirts with boys better than I do. Possible the most unrealistic part of the show so far

Are they really setting up a thing between Clarke and Finn like keep it in your pants guys? It’s been like 2 days. Fuck they are making finn and Clarke a thing. And i bet its that troupe where he’s a free spirit and she’s all uptight and he teaches her how to let loose

Also back to my Star Wars parallel, I think I’ve figured it out. Clarke is Rey. Wells is Finn (the guy friend that loves the main girl but she only sees him as a friend). Finn is Poe (the careless fun guy that contrasts the oh so serious main girl). And Bellamy is Kylo ren (the ‘antagonist’ that actually has a heart). Like guys the friend zone relationship between wells and Clarke is VERY finn and Rey like. Then there’s this scene where it seems like Bellamy is trying to turn wells against finn almost like kylo ren trying to turn someone to the dark side. i know rn its finn and clarke but there are strong reylo vibez between bellamy and clarke

Now there’s atom and octavia jesus this girl moves faster through boys than i have in my entire life but i guess since she lived under the floor for much of her life she has a lot to make up for.

I find it very American who these spacers think that because they have a gun that they are safe.

They really put jasper, titties out, up there in a tree

You know how Bellamy said that he would do anything to get clarke’s wristband even if that means cutting off her hand so that the arc doesn’t come down….he really could have just let her die when she fell into that pit. But I get it plot and to show that Bellamy isn’t all evil. Also very intense eye contact between Clarke and Bellamy.

So this council meeting...ngl i kinda side with Kane especially with that violent table slap

Yess wells you kill that mutant animal thingy. The “now she sees you” yeah Bellamy no shit. Ofc Clarke is gonna notice wells shooting and killing that animal right in front of her.

Are they really gonna eat that radioactive animal????? I’m serious when i say i want to straight up vomit thinking about eating that. Guess that its a good thing that i don’t live in this universe. Side note it looks like one of those mutant beast that was in the first hunger games movie.

Oh fuck...raven is finn’s girlfriend. Ofc she is

The scene where finn takes the food without cutting off his wristband and Murphy is like no you ain’t special but then finn is like “i thought there were no rules” cut to Murphy’s face is just like “but he’s got a point tho” then finn just walks off with the music blaring like that was the most badass thing ever (the time stamp for this scene is 39:39)….this show is too much

Bellamy really hung atom for kissing his sister…..no just no this is no okay but I’m kind of too invested to stop watching

Oooo a grounder. Does that mask have any functional purposes? Or like is it purely for intimidation

this was murphy’s face when Finn said that there were no rules.

#the 100 #the 100 diaries #quarantine diaries #quarantine #bellamy #clarke #finn #murphy #monty #octavia #star wars #reylo

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volganic · 4 years

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Song of Communion (Redux)

[part 1] [part 2] [part 3] [part 4] [part 5] || [AO3]

OH GOD OH MAN IM SORRY THIS UPDATE IS LONG OVERDUE but its so long in comparison to other chapters........... ty liz for always supporting me and telling me to keep every detail in here bc otherwise this wouldnt be half as long as it is

song is o magnum mysterium (and quite literally the song that started this whole au in the first place)

A high-pitched ring of steel meeting steel sang through the crisp autumn air. Both Volga and Link's weapons were locked together as they tried to overtake one another. In the passing months that Link had come to visit and train under the dragon's watchful eye, this was the first time they had traded blows. The Dinolfos chieftain that the Hylian usually sparred with (under Volga's supervision) stood on the sidelines.

Volga withdrew his spear back, only to thrust it forward again to breach Link's defenses. Having gone through these exercises time and time again, Link had expected it to withdraw and drew his shield up to block the lance from grazing his exposed side. He's thankful for moving it when he did — the dragon's raw strength was far greater than he had imagined; aimed to kill, unlike the Dinolfos who only struck to subdue. The force of the blow sent a shot of pain up through the length of his forearm. He grit his teeth and took a step back, ending their exercise to brace his right arm. He'd definitely feel that in the morning.

His partner lowered the spear and sent him an inquisitive look. Before a question could fill the space between them, Link brushed off any concerns he must've had with a dismissive wave.

"I'm fine! Let's continue."

Volga shrugged. If there's one thing he learned by mentoring him thus far, Link wasn’t like most people: where most people would have yielded and accepted their loss, Link recovered with a renewed strength and vigor. It was a commendable quality to possess. It also made him stubborn. Too stubborn sometimes, but someone else could be unfortunate enough to teach him patience and to pick his battles. He'd leave that to the poor woman general back in the castle.

Their feet moved together in sync as they circled around each other on the cliff side, their steps carefully choreographed to keep their attention on each other's movements while still mindful of the crumbling rocks beneath their feet, and easily poised to either strike or block whoever dared to make the first move. Link desperately tried to ignore the bead of sweat running from the edge of his brow down over his cheek, but moved quickly to brush it away.

That was all the distraction Volga needed to suddenly lunge forward with his weight to strike. They fell into rhythm now: strike, step to the side, block, sweep, repeat. The dragon had drilled these movements into his brain. It took a lot of calculating than he was used to, thinking at least three steps ahead before the enemy while also keeping an eye for any openings or escape routes — this was only a friendly spar, but the danger of traps or ambushing parties was also something to keep a note on in the actual battlefield. General Impa would find it unorthodox and out of order by her methods, but it was far more engaging and befitting of a leader as grueling as Volga's system worked.

Link stumbled with a swipe of Volga's weapon nearly coming into contact with his ankle. He teetered off to the left, barely catching his footing on the edge of the cliff. Volga scoffed when the Hylian righted himself and poised his shield up, waiting for the next move.

"Scatterbrained today, aren't you?"

"No," he lied. His eyes averted away from Volga for only a second to see that the Dinolfos that lurked in the background was slowly stalking its way toward his unguarded flank. Have to move away from the edge of the cliff, he thinks, somehow catch Volga off balance, turn to keep both of the dragons in sight, overtake them —

— there's movement in his periphery from Volga's direction. Suddenly he felt a shove, and felt himself falling. There wasn't much time to react to such brute force, and even less to grab any of the rocks to keep himself from falling further down the cliff side. Volga stood on the edge, spear still in hand, and was growing smaller and smaller with each passing second. He tensed with realization. Stupid, he thought, stupid to think he could have trusted him!

His back slammed into something. It wasn't the ground, he knew that much. The impact still knocked the wind out of him, and before he knew it, he — they — were scaling their way back up the mountainside. The Lizalfos chieftain that acted as his safety net didn't seem too thrilled with carrying him back up to his master, but Link thanked the three that they still were looking out for him.

Link was less than graciously dropped back along the edge of the cliff. The Lizalfos and Dinolfos chattered among themselves and retreated back into the caverns now with their duties completed. Now it was just him and Volga, left with an air of tension.

"Didn't expect that, did you?" It wasn't a question. They both knew that much. Link ignored the hand offered to help him up and pushed himself off of the ground, dusting off his tunic and brushing dirt off of his face.

"You could have killed me!"

"Not my intention," he scoffed, "but there are others who are more inclined to do so." He clapped Link's hurt shoulder for good measure, smirking inwardly with the grimace he was given. The Hylian could pout and whine all he wanted. It wouldn't stop Volga from relishing in the fact that he toned him down another notch.

"Are you sure you don't need any more weapons?" Link asked. In reality, he was genuinely curious, but he couldn't pass up an opportunity to poke fun at the dragon. Volga grunted dismissively in response, shuffling out of Link's way as he allowed the boy to wander around in the room.

Today must have been something really special: not only was it the first time he had ever sparred with Volga, but this was also the first time Link was allowed in the center of the volcano — more importantly, it's where Volga kept his so-called "hoard". Maybe it was a tad naive of Link to assume Volga was the kind of dragon to collect all things that sparkled and shined, to have a room (or several) flush with treasures never before seen that piled to the top of the ceiling and threatened to spill over with its endless amount of secrets. The three chests that sat along the wall hardly looked like they harbored anything of worth. Blue eyes watched the dragon sift through one of the chests, and while it held a considerable amount of jewelry, it all looked extremely... tacky.

What he was rifling around for, he didn't know.

Link rolled his eyes and instead faced the walls of the cave. This, he believed, was the real treasure. Weapons upon weapons upon even more weapons lined the faces of the walls in an elegant and organized display. It was like being in a candy store! Not a single space was wasted, ranging from the smallest of daggers meant for tiny hands to the largest Goron-forged blades he had ever seen taking a place like a trophy. How Volga of all people managed to acquire them (or sweet talk a Goron into giving up such impressive armaments) was a question for another day; he didn't want to be pushed out so quickly after being invited in for the first time by prying too much.

He toddled over to look at spears undoubtedly meant for the Zora. A careful fingertip ran over the curve of the trident. "Is your spear like that of the Zoras?" he asked innocently, eyeing the gleaming silver hilt of a Zora spear next to the trident.

"Just because we're no longer outside does not excuse you from your other exercises, boy," chided Volga from the other side of the room. "Run through it again — and don't touch anything."

The Hylian swiveled his head to look at the dragon and object, finding that Volga's back was still turned to him. Alright, maybe he was a little predictable. Link pulled his hand away from the Zora weaponry with a huff and moved quietly to admire another set of miscellaneous weapons.

əʊ m æ g ʌ m

A smile crept onto his lips as the words paired with his tenor rolled off his tongue so naturally. Though the translation of it was lost to him, such a simple activity like singing brought him an immense amount of joy, a sense of freedom — even if it were in the middle of the volcano.

m ɪ s t ə r aɪ ə m

At least here in the caves, there was a sense of privacy that the castle could not provide — or as much privacy as he could get with the dragon or any of his kin within earshot. Better them than any of his comrades who would begin to question when and where he had found his voice.

Volga paused his rummaging to listen to how the notes reverberated off the decorated walls. Link took it as a good sign that he hadn't been interrupted by now and continued on, staying within arm's reach of the wall and running his fingertips along the rocks, trailing between the edges of many dangerous blades.

i: t ə d m ɪ r ə b aɪ l

One sword caught his attention. It stuck out among the collection of other plain, familiar-looking swords that Volga had hung around it — swords he might have picked off from Hyrule's forces, no doubt. Its serrated blade nearly pricked his finger even with the most delicate touch. If its serrated edges weren't striking enough, the jewels encrusted from the center of the blade to the hilt and the four-pronged guard were enough to keep him interested. It was intimidating, but a beautiful blade.

Volga might not have been the kind of dragon drawn to every trinket that sparkled and shined, but Link was beginning to convince himself he might be that kind of person instead.

s eɪ k r e m ə n —

"Stop."

Link frowned. With a heavy sigh, he released the breath he had been holding to finish out the rest of the melody before he was so graciously interrupted. He tore his eyes away from the sword to face Volga who now stood in front of a closed chest, arms folded.

"What have I told you?"

The Hylian crossed his arms. "Don't touch anything—"

"Wrong." Volga paused and wrinkled his nose considering his words. "Perhaps I did also say that, but that is not what I refer to now." That earned him an eye roll from Link. "Need I remind you of the importance of the diaphragm?"

"Hylia, not this again!" groaned Link, throwing his hands up in the air. "It's always something with you, isn't it? Am I not good enough by your standards?"

"You're ever approaching it," he countered, "but you continue to move too much, and it carries in your voice despite how you choose not to believe it."

The dragon took three large strides to approach Link, planting his clawed hands on the captain's shoulders, adding an uncomfortable squeeze and pressure for an extra measure. Link grimaced again with the weight against his bad arm.

"Like the core of your body, the diaphragm is a key component to—"

"'—to achieve a better quality of pitch, volume, and tone'," Link finished for him. It was obvious it wasn’t his first time hearing it before either. "'If your breathing is poor, it reflects in the singing', I know, I know."

"Then," Volga pressed his thumbs into the pressure points in Link's neck, "why do you continue to breathe so poorly?" His hands stayed locked in place as the Hylian crumpled in his hold, writhing and attempting to swat him away.

"Volga- ow- stop—!!"

"You should start by releasing tension in your upper body."

The dragon loosened his grip for Link to stumble away from him, a smug grin upturning his lips with the ferocious look he was getting. Link rubbed the back of his neck in annoyance.

"You're such an ass."

"I could say the same about you."

Link shot him another glare through narrowed eyes and now turned his back to the dragon. He hasn’t decided whether or not it was a good thing that Volga was capable of being just as immature.

“Where’d you get this?” Link asked and pointed to the sword, desperate to change the subject. "I could use a new blade."

“We haven’t finished our lesson, boy,” he said. Link braced himself for another painful squeeze to his arm as Volga pulled him back away from the display. Instead — with gentle hands — he dropped a silver band encrusted with a round emerald cut into Link’s hesitant palm. It was far more elegant than the jewelry he had seen it mixed in with, more along the lines of what he had imagined Volga would be enamored with.

Something in the back of his mind reminded him that this stone looked familiar.

"- song stone."

Link shook his head, breaking out of the stupor he didn't realize he was in by the stone glimmering against the light. "What?"

"It is a song stone," Volga repeated, having sensed Link's distracted mind. It definitely was an opulent accessory, if not the most dignified piece in Volga's hoard. But he wouldn't tell the boy that. "I think you are prepared to harness its power."

Another magical item. The Hylian knit his eyebrows together with some aversion. "Uh-huh." Even with the hesitance toward it, Link still slipped it onto each finger to find the perfect fit. It was a really pretty thing… The ring fit snugly around his middle finger, and almost looked to glow brighter as his hand moved around to catch the light. "And it can do what?"

"Amplify your gift, if the name was not obvious enough for you." Volga smirked from another one of Link's annoyed expressions and crossed his arms. "There are no limits on your vocal range with the power of the stone. After all, how else do you plan to command your army? Or perhaps even charm lost, weary travelers to their doom?"

The displeased expression on Link’s face quickly turned disheartened. "Volga, that's not funny."

"I am not trying to be funny. Jokes are another way of stringing up lies, and I do not care enough to lie." The dragon shrugged nonchalantly. "It is merely the reputation placed upon me, and if that is how they choose to acknowledge me, I have no interest in fixing it. If it keeps fools off of my mountain and out of my caves, so be it. If they choose to ignore it, I accept no responsibility for what may happen to them in my domain."

The words hung in the air for longer than it should. Link's eyes moved away from Volga's concealed ones to look back down to the ring. Even after all this time, the Hylian had never considered how he was one of the lucky ones — if not the only one — to make it out of the Eldin Caves alive. He had fallen for Volga's magic, to one of many of his songs, and yet here he stood, now learning how to wield it for his own greater purpose.

He had never considered those who lost their lives to it.

Volga cleared his throat. He despised the tension that lingered between them.

"Rumor has it that the stone you hold was forged from the same emerald safeguarded by the Children of the Kokiri," he said softly. Link perked at that and looked to him again, interested. "Whether that rumor is true or not, I myself cannot say, but I would be inclined to agree that its magic could stem from their songs." Uncrossing his arms, he tapped the jewel chained to his own chest with a clawed finger. "This jewel of mine not only does this contain the magic of my birthright, but it, too, is also a song stone, forged by the Goron Ruby."

Ah, so that's what that was. Link stared at it and pulled his bottom lip between his teeth, idly turning the stone on his finger with his thumb.

"Volga, I don't think I can—"

The faint echo of a Bulbin's horn traveled through the air, cutting Link off. That wasn't a sound he was used to hearing. The dragon perked at the sound, understanding its call.

"I want you to have it," he assured, gently placing a hand on Link's pauldron. "I implore you to let go of whatever doubt you might have clouding your judgement. You've earned it. Come now, my friend!" His arm moved around to wrap around the other shoulder, pulling the Hylian even closer and ushering him out of the room. "The newest group of chieftains have returned with fresh kill, and the time to feast is now."

"Wait— wait wait wait-" Link squabbled, planting his feet on the ground, "did you just call me your friend?"

The dragon paused. Did he say that? His tongue ran along his teeth as his jaw shifted in thought, tasting the word in his mouth. Friend. All things considered, that was the best way to describe their relationship: more than strangers, more than acquaintances, neither enemies or allies — at least until now. Volga nodded once as if to convince even himself. "Yes, I did. It seems only fitting to say so, does it not?"

"You could have at least started by using my name first. You've never called me 'Link'!"

"Don't push your luck, boy," Volga chuckled dryly and tightened his grip. "Do not tempt me into changing my mind. I would like to arrive at my own feast on time, and your chances of getting that blade you've been gawking at are slipping away."

"Brothers and sisters!" Volga silenced the group of his kin who growled among themselves by pounding the end of his spear against the cave floor. The sound nearly made Link jump out of his skin. "Tonight, we are gathered here not only to celebrate the autumnal equinox, putting aside our struggles and hardship of the last season, but to also forge a path to better our future. I thank you," he gestured to the troop of the smallest Lizalfos in the cavern, "for this bounty you have brought us. You have proven your strength and honor to rise to the occasion, to rise as chieftains, and to rise as leaders for the next generation of our kind.

As we move on with the coming season of change, we too, must change." He beckoned for the Hylian to move out from behind him. Reluctantly Link did so, stepping to Volga's left and coming in view of the band of lizard kin. "Most of you are familiar with this human," he said, purposefully careful with his tone when referring to the boy, "and know he is not a threat to our clan. With that said..." he passed his weapon over to Link's unsuspecting hands. This wasn't something Link as prepared for, severely underestimating the weight of the spear and nearly dropping it. He was a deer in headlights, now put as the center of attention, all of the reptiles’ eyes fixed on him.

"Tonight, we also forge our alliance with this boy. Though we are that of a neutral party, he is our friend, and, like the rest of you, my chieftains, he has risen to the occasion with the spirit of a dragon and will guide us forward for the greater good."

"But Massster!" A Dinolfos rose from its perch in a rush, eyes darting between the boy startled in his boots and its master, "you said we do not like humansss! We kill them!" It growled in opposition to the Hylian when his expression hardened. Sizing him up, it took a step forward when Link slightly shifted a foot backward. "Thisss one is small and weak! Easssy to kill!"

"This one could kill you should I allow him to take another step toward you," Volga hissed, clasping his hand above Link's on the spear. "Move one more inch closer and he will become a threat to you. He will remain on this mountain longer than you if you continue with your insolence, and by Din’s name, I will leave you to bleed out myself. Learn your place, hatchling." His words dripped with poison.

The Dinolfos held its vindictive stare for a moment longer before recoiling back to its perch with a sad growl. Volga snapped his head to the rest of the drakes with a frown.

"Any more objections?" They sat in silence; his decree was loud and clear. The Hylian himself was just as shaken with Volga’s outburst, thankful that he wasn’t on the receiving end of it this time. "No? Very well."

Link was left to hold the spear alone again as Volga moved forward to the slabs of meat scattered about on the stone table in front of them, ruthlessly pulling a Moblin flank apart by the bone from the lot of the carcasses. Having been so distracted with seeing almost the entirety of the lizard tribe in one place and nearly getting into a dispute with one of them, the Hylian had nearly forgotten that this was a feast for them — everything was raw.

His stomach turned with the sickening squelch the meat had made when the dragon knight bit into it, blood and juices painting the edges of his mouth and dripping down his chin. Hylia, why did he agree to do this?

Volga exhaled in bliss with the coppery taste of fresh meat on his tongue. A sense of accomplishment warmed his bones; this, he knew, was the right course of action to move forward for both his people and in Link's destiny. He swallowed his chunk of meat before turning back to the Hylian, expecting him to accept his offering. When he didn't, Volga snarled quietly; culture shock must have settled in and frightened the boy senseless. But why? It was only meat! A harmless, ritualistic offering!

A sideways glance showed the tribe of Lizalfos and Dinolfos stirring in their place, eager for their turn to devour their bounty. Being surrounded by predators….

To ease the boy’s anxieties, it seemed logical to appear less menacing in a cave full of dragons. Volga held the bleeding limb between his teeth, his hands moving toward the straps that held his helmet together.

Link’s eyes widened; everything unexpected today snowballed into an avalanche all leading up to the dragon unmasking himself. His grip on the hilt of the pike made his knuckles turn white in anticipation. He was lucky enough to escape from Death Mountain more than once, but never pinned himself ever lucky enough to witness the dragon of the Eldin Caves without his helmet.

The pointed chin strap clattered to the floor.

Oh goddesses.

Oh Hylia.

A mess of ashen-colored hair spilled out from the edge of the helm and Link’s breath hitched in his throat. Again, it was naive to think that Volga was anything more than a monster after months and months of grueling combat practice and coaching his voice. Had it not been for the other’s tall height or the black markings that surrounded his striking green eyes that now looked through him, the dragon could more than likely pass for a human. The Hylian stood frozen in place, the same cold rush he had felt the first time he had entered the caves and been mesmerized by the dragon’s song flooding his veins; this time, it was the dragon’s appearance that mystified him.

It wasn’t until the spear was taken from his hand that Link finally tore his eyes away from Volga’s. Now his hands were bloodied with the meat that held more significance than to serve only as a predator’s meal. Despite the voice of common sense screaming at him to not eat the raw meat, Link finally nodded in acceptance and bit into the flesh, pushing himself to ignore the blood dripping down his own chin this time. The chewy texture was awful and the taste was worse, but he only had this one life.

Why not?

Volga, pleased with the acceptance of his offering, took a hold of Link’s wrist and held it high, turning them both to acknowledge the rest of the troop. The Lizalfos and Dinolfos sat at attention.

“For the glory of Din!”

The cavern came alive with a cacophony of the dragon tribe’s roars, fires burning bright.

The first few days after returning from the caves dragged on from the castle’s infirmary — partaking in a draconian feast was fine, so long as the meat wasn’t raw and bleeding. Healers pushed Link to drink one too many teaspoons of bitter-tasting yellow potion, easily unconvinced that whatever ailment plagued him was not “only a stomachache”. His stomach churned horrifically from the aftermath, but the reward outweighed the risk, all worth being accepted into an extraordinary clan.

A clan he couldn’t bear dragging them through a war that wasn’t their own to fight.

Link eyed the Magical Sword from its place across from his bed. Its previous owner had already been unfortunate to cross paths with this Cia, this witch that was planning an uprising of unknown proportions — she, in turn, was unfortunate enough to cross paths with the dragon that pushed her back into her place of hiding. Maybe, just maybe, it was a good thing that she had run into him first.

How would things have been different if she didn’t? Link often wondered about the outcome more than he would care to admit. Would the war have been over by now? Would Hyrule be laid into ruin? Would he be able to keep the princess safe?

His eyes fell down to his hand where his thumb had idly turned the stone around on its ring.

Cia needed a general to start this war. If she had succeeded, would Volga have joined her?

“Captain!”

The sharp sound of knocking against his door jarred him out of his thoughts. The hero — now that he was back within the castle, he almost forgot he had a title to uphold — moved to open the door. The messenger stood stiffly in a salute.

“The General wants you to ready your mount and prepare to move out before sunset, captain!”

Link nodded once and saluted him off, shutting the door once he could no longer hear the heavy footfalls from the corridor. It was already mid-afternoon. There wasn’t much time before twilight would be upon them. He turned back to look at the sword. Better to use it now than later.

Without a second thought, he secured his newest weapon to his back and made his way out for the stables.

“Can we talk for a second, Link?”

Their newest addition to their party at least asked nicely. The hero paused his inspection of Epona’s hooves to look up at Lana, inviting her to continue on with her questions. Though she might have been allied with them for the last few months, Lana still remained an enigma to him: he wasn’t sure if she was hiding more than she let on since their first encounter, and more so with how much she knew about Cia.

“I-I can see you’re really busy,” she stammered, already falling over her words. “But I just wanted to ask you something personal, if that’s alright?”

It took every ounce of restraint to repress the urge to roll his eyes. Lana was a cute girl, sure, but Link knew where this conversation would eventually lead up to. There was no time to play these kinds of games with allies who had more than just a friendly interest in him, and even less with the sun slowly setting and sky turning into orange.

But the company was nice, the presence of another person filling the space in the otherwise empty stable. Link turned back to his work and gave her one stiff nod.

Lana relaxed almost immediately and smiled sheepishly. “I’ve noticed that you leave the castle grounds every chance you get whenever you’re granted the time,” she said quietly, planting herself on a wooden box near the other side of Epona to keep Link’s attention. “May I ask where you go?”

He didn't look at her as he shuffled from one of Epona’s legs to the next. His hand moved up where she can see, fingers and thumb pressed together. They move from the corner of his mouth to swipe over and touch his cheek. Home.

Her smile faltered. Lana said nothing as she wiggled in her seat and grew visibly uncomfortable with his answer. Her feet kicked at the hay around the box. Some part of Link didn’t like this conversation at all, but he steered his thoughts into focus, now rummaging through his pack to make sure he had everything he needed —

“I know you don’t go home, Link.”

He snapped his head up to look at her. Yeah, now he really didn’t like the direction this was going. He frowned when her eyes met his.

“I know the village you hail from is in the west, but you head northeast. Please, be honest: where do you go?”

Was she stalking him? That was enough. Link scoffed quietly and pushed himself off the stable floor with the pack in hand, haphazardly throwing it over Epona’s saddle. He wanted this conversation to be over with whether he was prepared or not for whatever mission he was being set on. As he stood, Lana stood with him and stepped closer.

“W-Wait! I don’t know where you go, but I just want you to be careful, Link! The last time you returned, you were sick for nearly a week!” The sorceress said in anguish. He ignored her in favor of looking for the reins for his horse. “I can sense a change in you every time you come back, and I’m not sure if—” she stopped herself when Link snaps to look at her with narrowed eyes. She steadied herself with a hand on Epona’s mane, fingers delicately brushing through her white mane. “I’m not sure if it’s dangerous yet. Cia is coming closer with each day, and I— I can’t lose yo—”

“There you are, captain!”

Lana backed off, retreating to her corner as Link both relaxed and tensed with his general now in the room. Their conversation was now at an official end with Impa wandering into the stables. He gave her a salute in greeting. She threw an arm over his shoulder and turned him away from Lana’s direction. At least they still held a common distrust over the sorceress.

“I apologize for this short-notice, but I need you to head into Faron Woods. Reports of more monsters have been flooding my desk, and some are trickling in with rumors of a sprouting Manhandla deep in the forest.”

Link blinked up at her with an incredulous expression and suddenly noticed the lack of her own weapon on her person. Impa understood what questions he had written across his face and nodded affirmatively. “Yes, captain, you will lead a small brigade by yourself. It’s not your first mission alone, but I trust that you can command a group on a mission such as this.” She patted his arm and released him, moving to pass the reins on Epona to him.

He wasn’t sure whether he liked the idea of being left to command a group of men yet without her guidance. On the other hand, it was nice to know that the Sheikah had seen enough growth in his skills to trust him with another mission. Soon enough, maybe, he would be the one to take charge and lead their men to victory. Without a second thought, Link accepted the reins and pulled Epona along out of the stables, sparing Lana one last sideways glance. Resigned in her corner, she gave him a small wave of goodbye.

Once outside in the glow of twilight, he climbed into his saddle. Some of his men — two soldiers and one fellow captain — were waiting for the order. Their general stood by Link’s side and saluted them off. “May the goddess Hylia smile on you all. And Link,” she said, placing a hand on his forearm, “bring my men home safely.”

The hero nodded to her with a lopsided smile and snapped the horse’s reins. With a loud neigh, Epona led them off into the settling dusk in the direction of Faron Woods.

#hyrule warriors #fic #volink

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purplesurveys · 4 years

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807

Have you ever laughed at someone because they had a funny name? No, that sounds awful. I had so many kids laugh at me because of my name when I was younger, so I’ve learned better than to do that. If I come across a weird name I’m more likely to judge the parents than the kid themselves. Speaking of names, why do celebrities always call their kids stupid ones? It’s not just celebrities who do these; they’re just famous so they get all the attention. Generally though I really don’t know why more and more people have been choosing to give their kids odd names. X Æ A-Xii in particular stresses me outtttttttttt PLEASE LOVE YOUR CHILD If you have a problem with someone, will you confront them? Depends on who it is and how big/personal my problem is with them. I won’t always confront someone; sometimes it’s best to act like you don’t care. How do you like your tea? (: Iced, lemonade, and with a lot of sugar. Do you get car sick easily? No, only if I do something to induce motion sickness like reading or texting.

What did you want to be when you were a kid? The earliest occupations I wanted to have were firefighter, astronaut, and a veterinarian. When I got a little older I wanted to become an author. Insert funny memory here: My favorite story to hear from my friends was when my org had a get-together shortly after we got new officers elected (myself included), and when I got drunk enough I was apparently announcing the suspensions of newly-inducted orgmates I was yet to know more, effective immediately loooool. It was part of my ~powers so I guess that’s why I spent nearly the whole evening doing that. I made sure to apologize to those people the day after. :(( Do you think you're a good conversationalist? Why is that? Yes, when it comes down to it. I pride myself on being a good listener – pair this with the fact that I’ve also learned to ask good questions through the years as a journalism student – so this ability usually includes being able to catch on to the little details they say. From there, I’m able to ask them questions I know they’d love to answer. My trick in conversations is to just have people talk about the things or hobbies they love, because time usually flies by then. Are you more likely to be called a hard worker or lazy? Hard worker. What is your sense of humour like? It’s pretty flexible. I can laugh at kiddie jokes, dark jokes as long as they are not blatantly offensive and harmful, and at the same time I can laugh at dank memes that make absolutely no sense whatsoever. Do you think you're fairly intelligent? In what way? Yeah, but it’s book smarts more than anything else. I like reading and racking up new knowledge, memorizing things, acing tests, etc. I don’t consider myself street smart at all sadly lol, and I’m still super dependent on other people when it comes to crossing the road, commuting (if I have to), bargaining, etc. How do you like your eggs? Poached or scrambled. Do you enjoy visiting your relatives? I look forward to the food being served more than anything else, because Filipino family reunions don’t fuck around when it comes to the preparations haha. Other than that, I’m always a bit wary when visiting family because Filipino relatives also tend to come up with the worst introductory statements: “You’ve gotten so fat,” “Do you have a boyfriend/girlfriend yet?” and “I don’t like what you’re posting on Facebook” are just starters. What's your favourite thing about the nearest upcoming holiday? That would be Independence Day, and I like that it’s solely ours. Our independence day used to be on July 4th to be the same as America’s, but a past president changed it to June 12th so we can instead commemmorate the day we gained independence from Spain, instead of sharing our independence day with a colonizer. Have you ever been on a float in a parade? What were you doing on it? No, I haven’t. Have you ever had a strange compliment? What was it? I’ve probably gotten one or two of them but I don’t keep comments like those in my memory, so there’s a very good chance I’ve forgotten all about them. When was the last time you had deja vu? I don’t really remember exactly when but it was sometime within the last week. Have you ever had a dream in black and white? I don’t think so. I’d remember it if I have. What about a dream with no sound? Nope. What is something you find interesting but would never pursue as a career? Astronaut. It’s such an awesome job and I look up to everyone who does it, but for me it’ll always stay as a fantasy career. I’m simply not good enough at science to understand how stuff in space works; plus I get dizzy extremely easily and that’s not gonna work well for me when it’s time to board the spaceship lol. What types of people do you tend to avoid? Racists, homophobes, and fanatical Catholics. What is one personality trait a potential friend must have? They must have an introverted side. I can’t deal with people who are super active 24/7. Have you ever seen someone slip on a banana peel? Nope, I’ve only mostly seen that happen in Mario Kart hah. Have you ever been in a helicopter? I have not. What is a colour you love that's not your favourite? Maroon. Where would you like to travel to? Anywhere outside the house would be a great start. I’d love to get to go inside a mall, any mall. What colour is your car? / What colour would you like it to be? My car is white, and I’m happy with it being white. It looks clean and sleek that way, for me. Does anything hurt on your body right now? What? No but I’m feeling a little hot. I need a shower. What is your favourite mode of travelling? Road trip or by plane. Have you ever had Chickenpox? I haven’t. Dreading the day it comes to me because I just know it’ll be a million times worse as an adult. Can you roll your eyes into the back of your head? I can but it’s very uncomfortable and I don’t do it at all. I only did it often as a kid, whenever I wanted to scare off my sister or make funny faces with my cousins. If you have online friends, do you think you'd get on in real life? Yes, I think so. I’ve only had one negative experience with an online friend who turned out to be a dipshit, but I like to keep optimistic when it comes to my other friends. Who is your favourite animated character? Answered this in another survey, but Spongebob. I also took a big liking to Mr. Peanutbutter from BoJack Horseman since he was the only one who kept me happy throughout the show hahahaha. Are your favourites often what the majority like? Like, in relation to my above answers? I know a lot of people didn’t really like Mr. Peanutbutter because he was horrible at reading Diane’s love language and due to his tendency to mask reality with humor and general immaturity, so there’s that. Spongebob is pretty much universally loved by everyone who has seen the show, though. If you could have anything for dinner tonight, what would you choose? I did have dinner already and I was very happy with the sisig my dad made. I would have had it with soju, but I already drank coffee today and with my body just finishing up healing itself from my awful fever last week, I don’t wanna beat up my body by mixing coffee and alcohol immediately lol. Do you prefer sweet or savoury foods? Savory. Do you worry about eating too much? What about eating too little? I don’t really worry about either. I find that I eat a healthy amount of food for all my meals, so there’s little reason to overanalyze that department. Is it dark outside right now? Yes, it’s 10:30 PM. The moon has an interesting haze around it at the moment that makes it hard to miss, but otherwise it’s very dark. Do you get scared when it's a full moon? No. Do you think Jaffa Cakes are a cake or a biscuit? xP I don’t even know what those are and I’m too lazy to check. If you go anywhere, do you always buy souvenirs for people? Nah, just for Gab. What was the last toy you got in a cereal box? I don’t know, I don’t remember. The last time there was a toy in a cereal box we bought would probably be like 16 years ago lol. Hypothetically speaking, if you owned a charm bracelet, would you always make sure the charms meant something to you? Not really. I imagine I’d get charms just because I want to collect them lol. I know Pandora does a lot of charm collections, like Disney and Harry Potter. It doesn’t always have to mean something to me. Are you waiting on anyone coming home right now? No. Everyone living here is home now. Is it easy to make you gag? Nope. I watch pro wrestling dude, I’ve seen lots of disgusting stuff go down. It’ll take a lot before I gag. Do you like the way your voice sounds? Yes, I’m alright with it for the most part. Do you usually keep to yourself? This is pretty vague. You mean about my personal life? I’d say so. I normally would keep to myself but I’m also an open book, if that makes sense. Like I’m okay with spilling out my stories or emotions, but people have to come to me and ask for them; otherwise I’m just staying quiet. Can you see the stars from your house? Sure. Sky looks best when you’re at the rooftop though. How would you react if your favourite band made a song with your first name as its title? It would be on repeat for like three months lol. What is a word or phrase you've been told you overuse? It’s been years but a prof once told me I used “okay, so...” a lot as a transition when I report. I appreciated the comment though and since that time I’ve been more watchful of the phrases I use when I report. Are you considered an awkward person? I have my times, yeah. I’ve gotten considerably better in dealing with people though and usually it’s them that’s awkward now, not me lol. Has a career advisor ever helped you choose your ideal career? No, I’ve never met up with a career advisor before. If you were abandoned for a week, would you be able to fend for yourself? Yes, as long as instant food and some basic frozen food are accessible to me ahuhu. Is there a light on in the room you're in? Yes. Have you ever been friends with someone who was your complete opposite? YES, Gabie and I cannot be any more different. Sometimes I still wonder how she and I ended up being friends at all, but I chalk it up to our humor and the way our (very different) personalities manage to mesh well together. Have you ever wished you were an identical twin? If one, do you hate it? Not really. What day were you born on? Tuesday. What's your favourite number? Why did you pick that? I never really had a favorite number. Whenever I have to pick one I just say 4 just because it’s Beyoncé’s favorite and she uses it on literally every concert, show, etc. so I’ve come to encounter it a lot as well lol. What does your favourite perfume / deodorant smell like? A little fruity. Who's your favourite Disney character? Flynn Rider. Do you like having a favourite everything or do you enjoy keeping open? I like having a favorite everything but I also like keeping my options open just in case I ever wanna shift favorites. What's your favourite advertisment? Or do you find them all irritating? I don’t pick ads to be my favorite lol. They’re not irritating, but I just don’t particularly care about any of them.

#survey #surveys

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lovemesomesurveys · 4 years

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What is your favorite thing to do on your phone? YouTube, TikTok, Twitter, Spotify, Kindle, Facebook, Instagram, Snapchat, and check my emails. Notice none of the phone’s intended uses like making phone calls or texting are listed, ha. Do you know what you are going to be for Halloween this year? If so, what? I stopped dressing up for Halloween almost 5 years ago. I’m over that part of it. I just love that time of year for the spookiness and autumn. Do you still go trick-or-treating, and if so, how old are you? Uh no, I’m 30 years old. The last time I went I was like 18, though lol. My friend wanted to go so we took my younger brother. I felt ridiculous. Which Disney princess resembles you the most? None. What color was your first phone? Gray.

Was your first phone a flip phone? Yep. Have you ever butt dialed someone? Yes. What is your favorite pizza parlor? This local place. What is an old website that closed down that you miss? I miss Xanga. I hate that I can no longer access my old surveys taken on there. It was also the best place to find surveys. If you’re a girl, have you ever had an embarrassing period story? No, thankfully. …If so, what happened? What was your high school’s mascot? I’m not sharing that. Do you listen to Grace VanderWaal? Who? …if yes, what’s your favorite song of hers? Do you watch America’s Got Talent? Nope. Which country has the best accent? I like British accents. Did you cry at your high school graduation? Afterwards when I was alone. It was bittersweet, for sure. Did you cry at your college graduation (if applicable)? Same ^^^ Do your parents try to stop you from chasing your dreams? No, absolutely not. My parents are very supportive and encouraging. I just don’t have any dreams I’m chasing after. :/ What dreams have stuck with you since childhood? I want to travel. Who is a former friend that you wish would come back into your life? Ty. Have you ever been in a serious romantic relationship? No. Who was your favorite Spice Girl? I think it was Baby Spice. Did you ever want to be in a band or music group? No. I have no talent. What instrument did you play in the marching band? I wasn’t in the marching band. If you could take any one type of dance class right now, what kind you take? I wouldn’t. Who got kicked off of your favorite talent show that you were mad about? I get pretty into The Voice each season and it sucks when your fave gets sent home, but I don’t get mad about it. However, I remember back in the early American Idol days I got really upset about David Archuleta and Adam Lambert losing. I was really into them. Do you own the entire series on DVD of any TV show? If so, what? Yeah, I Love Lucy. What show did you always want to be on when you were a kid? Ones like DoubleDare. Can you tell the difference between Mary-Kate and Ashley? Yeah. Who is your favorite set of twins? I don’t have one. What is the stupidest baby name you have heard recently? X Æ A-12, the name Elon Musk gave his son... -_____- That’s the actual name. It’s supposedly pronounced like, “X Ash A Twelve.” ??? Absolutely ridiculous. Like, why do this to your child? What is the grossest thing you have ever vomited up? Alcohol is hands down the worst thing. It’s horrible. Have you ever thrown up in public, in front of someone else? Ugh, yes. I’m embarrassed to admit that I had a few public instances where I got sick from drinking. :X Thank goodness for my friend at the time who always had my back and took care of me during those times. …If yes, was it embarrassing? Extremely. Did you ever take your dog to school? No. Name one person you know who had a baby in high school. A few people I knew in high school. Do you keep a list of your favorite quotes? I like and reblog ones I like that I find on here. I have a shitoad saved on Pinterest. Describe your dream wedding in three words. Don’t have one. What is your favorite Chinese restaurant? I don’t have one. Does Chinese food make you feel sick? Sometimes. Have you ever seen someone throw up on a plane? No. Do you get motion sickness? Ugh, yes.

Has God ever healed you of anything? If so, what? Yes. Certain things pertaining to some health related issues. I got really sick last year and was down and out for a few months, causing major setbacks health wise. I didn’t think I’d be able to get a certain thing back to how it was before, which wasn’t great was it was, but after I got sick it was a lot worse. My doctor was very concerned. Then it made a lot of progress, like completely unexpected. My doctor was shocked. I hadn’t done anything to cause that. I was struggling and didn’t change things like I was supposed to. I should have been doing more, but didn’t. I was still feeling messed up from being sick. It was just such a major turn around and I know that was God. Do you believe in God? Yes. Do you pray, and if so, to whom? To God.

What is the most boring church you have ever attended? The times I went to church before I believed and had a relationship with God I found boring. :/ What is the most lively church you have ever attended? The one I “attend” now. I put that in quotes because I’ve been attending by watching their live streams from home. Do you find church fun or boring? I enjoy them now. When was the last time you went to a church service? Like I said, I’ve been watching the live streams for awhile now and before that I was watching the uploaded audio of each Sunday service for over a year now. When did you learn to ride a bike? I can’t ride a bike. What do you hate the most about summer? THE MISERABLE HEAT. And our summers are so longgggg. They feel never ending. What is your favorite thing to do in a swimming pool? I don’t like going swimming. Which part of your body is the most muscular? None, now. I used to have great upper body strength. My arms had some muscle and were toned. Have you ever painted a sugar skull on your face? No. Are you an artist? No. Did you ever take Latin in school? Nope. What was the last race you ran called? I ran a few races on a track when I was a kid against other kids in wheelchairs for an event. Won a few first place ribbons. Do you prefer to run in the street or on the sidewalk? I don’t do either. Which major holiday is closest to your birthday? 4th of July.

#personal #text #survey #surveys

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the-kouchfort · 5 years

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All the munday questions. All of them. Every single one. WRITHE IN YOUR HUBRIS

You asked for it

ᄏ: Play any instruments? Yep. I play the viola and the piano

ω: Have you ever dyed your hair? If so, what color(s)? Oh hell yeah. I’ve had it every color but yellow and orange. Blues and purples are my favorite.

△: Have you ever painted the walls of your room? Yep. It’s been a while, though.

【・ヘ・?】: Ever tripped in front a bunch of people? YEP. The worst one was in the parking lot of church when I was a kid. Fell on my face, broke the glass casserole dish I was carrying, and my dress went up over my head. So. Yeah. That was a fun one. Luckily, I didn’t get any glass in my torso.

＊: When was the last time you tied your hair up? (if your hair is long enough) A few days ago!

旦: Last time you drove your car (if you can drive/have one)? The last time I drove my own car was the night my severe anxiety was triggered. Whole horrible story, and the reason I cowered from thunderstorms for about a decade.

愛: Are you currently dating? Nope. I have been married for 20 years as of last Halloween.

太: When it’s New Year’s, do you make New Year Resolutions and actually commit to them? Nope. I used to, but now I know I won’t actually keep them, so why do it, and just feel awful about it later?

＠: Ever felt attracted to the opposite sex before? Mmmmmhm. I am bi/pansexual, so, there’s that ^_^

空: Did you ever throw up after one roller coaster ride or a few? Nope. I’ve ridden one coaster in my life, and never since then.

☆: Have you ever played games such as ‘Spin the Bottle’? lol, yep. Loooooong time ago.

⊙: Are you happy with where you are in life right now? .... this is a loaded question. I don’t have the inclination to unpack all of it right now, but lets just say... yes, and no. ピ: Did you like Pokemon as a child? When I was a child, it was the 70′s and 80′s, so... no ♪: Do you find yourself singing or humming to yourself sometimes? Allll the time.If I’m not humming randomly, or singing an actual song, then I’m singing random notes that sound good together with nonsensical sounds.

☁: Ever wanted to learn a foreign language? In 2nd and 3rd grade I learned both french and german (though I remember almost nothing of them.), and all through jr. high I learned Spanish and was fluent in it up to that sort of level, but I remember almost none of it, as well, through lack of anyone to practice with.

ス: Have you ever swallowed gum? Yup.

⅚: Post the link if your current favorite song. Omfg, this is a hard one. Music is the underlying fabric of my life. Sure, that sounds dramatic, but it’s true. Maybe this one, as it’s something that’s so fucking hard for me to remember, and I need the reminder every day:

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youtube

ღ: Post a gif of what you’re currently feeling right now.

≘: Have you ever watched the sun rise? One of my favorite things to do was to go camping in the winter. One of my favorite things to do while out there in the middle of nowhere was to wake up early, and watch the stars fade, the sun rise, all while sipping a nice cup of coffee, and wrapped in a blanket in front of my fire. Ahhh, yes, good memories.

☄: Would you defend a friend if they were in danger? Always. Without thought to my own safety. It’s just part of who I am. ➍: Ever been to a concert? Was it fun? Yes, and yes.

♛: Do you like group projects? Deeeepends on what it is. If it’s a creative thing, then I’d prefer to work alone. Everyone has their own vision, their own creative style. I’ve seen group creaative projects go so wrong because everyone wants their vision, and they end up ignoring others’ input.

高: How often do you use headphones/earbuds? Every day. My hearing is way too keen to be able to deal with life without them. The Spouse likes to say I can hear a mouse fart a mile away.

ಲ: Headphones or earbuds? Earbuds. Headphones kick off my chronic pain, and I do everything I can to avoid that pain.

♞: Showers or baths? SHOWERS. BATHS ARE GROSS. IT’S JUST YOU SWIMMING IN YOUR OWN DEAD SKIN, BODILY OILS, AND CROTCH AND BUTT STUFF. GOOD GOD NO.

✗: Walks on the beach or in a forest? Both? But if I had to pick, I’d choose a forest. Too many people at a beach now-a-days.

⊙﹏⊙: Which horror movie scared you the most? If any? The original IT when I was a kid, but only because of a very specific prank pulled by my best friend’s brother that had me screaming, and running. They found me a mile away, standing in the middle of the road (it was 1am), just staring at nothing, and swaying side to side. Clowns, after that, have been a terror for me.

^∇^: Has your best friend ever made you angry? Of course. We’re human. Also, everyone pisses me off at one point or another. However, she’s one of the two people who has pissed me off least often in the entire world.

( ．＿．）: Do you think you are an awkward person? Depends on the circumstance. I’m more panic-ridden, and terrified than awkward.

メ: Cupcakes or muffins? Hm. Idk. They both have their plus sides. If there’s milk, then muffins. If not, then cupcakes.

♯: Would you like to be able to fly? YES. I’ve had dreams of flying since I was a kid. About as often as I’ve had dreams of swimming to the bottom of the deepest parts of the ocean. Half of the time it was just something I did in grocery stores, for some reason. That is, until I started thinking about it too much, and lost the ability, and smashed into the floor face first. Sadly, it always happens.

ℝ: What color shirt are you currently wearing? Black, as usual. Æ: What color underwear did you wear yesterday? Parti-colored. Purple, blue, black, pink.

☪: Have you ever flipped off someone? Ohhh yeah.

♬: Cats or dogs? Uhhh... both? Almost all animals! I’d have just about anything for a pet, from spiders and snakes, to rats, to cats, ferrets, dogs, horses... yes. Lots. 礼: Would you swim in the lake or ocean? Yes. の: Chocolate or Vanilla? Chocolate, every time.

◐: Have you ever seen a meteor shower? Yes, and they’re always amazing. ᄇ: Have you ever broken a bone? Broke both of my wrists at the same time while helping my aunt to get her horse trained for a dressage competition.

ℨ: If you could go anywhere in the world, where would you go? I... have no idea. I can’t pin it down to one thing. If I have to pick, then I’ll go nuts, and say to the edge of the universe to see what’s there.

♔: Know the Duck Song? The Llama Song? Banana Phone? Yes, and fuck you. ۞: What shows did you watch when you were a child? Punky Brewster, Silver Spoon, things like that. ▼: Could you live without the internet? I mean... yeah, sure, but I would go fucking crazy locked in this apartment with no outlet, and no contact with people. Д: Strangest food you’ve eaten? Chicken feet? Menudo (tripe)? Shark? I’ve tortured myself by trying durian, something I will NEVER do again. *insert vomiting gif here*, gator? Buffalo? *shrug* Depends on what you consider weird? 까: Cookies or brownies? Brownies if they’re well-cooked and gooey, Cookies if they are similarly soft in the middle, and a bit crisp on the outside.

came back to the computer to actually post this. has been sitting here for a few hours now. lol. now back to bed for my appointment in the morning. boo mornings.

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cassienypan · 5 years

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°• ❝ A witch ought never to be frightened in the darkest forest... because she should be sure in her soul that the most terrifying thing in the forest was her. ❞ ― Terry Pratchett, Wintersmith L o a d i n g….. ❚Password Required❚ « ∘∘∘∘∘∘∘∘∘ » L o a d i n g….. ██░░░░░░░░ 20% ████░░░░░░ 40% ███████░░░ 70% ██████████ 100% → Aᴄᴄᴇss Gʀᴀɴᴛᴇᴅ Fɪʟᴇ: The Last Völva ❚Do you wish to continue?❚ ✔ Yes No Ｆｉｌｅｌｏａｄｅｄｓｕｃｃｅｓｓｆｕｌｌｙ． ▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬ » Qᴜᴏᴛᴇs « ❝ They burned my mother on the pyre and baed me watch, the told me this was the punishment that waited me should I dance with the devil as she had. Little did they know the devils blood runs through me stronger then it did through her. ❞ ❝ Thou shall not suffer a witch to live. ❞ ▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬ » Gᴇɴᴇʀᴀʟ Iɴғᴏʀᴍᴀᴛɪᴏɴ « ✥ Ɲαмє ✥ ۵ Cassiopeia Nypan ✥ Ɲαмє Mєαηιηg ✥ ۵ Cassiopeia: 〘 Pronounced ka-see-ə-PEE-ə 〙The Queen Cassiopeia, wife of King Cepheus of the mythological Phoenician realm of Ethiopia, was beautiful but also arrogant and vain; these latter two characteristics led to her downfall. Other iterations have the definition mean “The Seated Queen” or “She Whose Words Excel” ۵ Nypan: 〘 Pronounced: N-ah-ee-puh-æ-N 〙Meaning unknown however Lisbet Nypan was an alleged Norwegian witch. As one of the most famous victims of the witch-hunts in her country, she was also the penultimate defendant to be executed for witchcraft in Norway. ✥ Ɲιcкηαмє/Aℓιαѕ ✥ ۵ Cassie ۵ Cassia ۵ Hex 〘 An alias occasionally assumed 〙 ۵ Völva 〘 A formal name due to her status and abilities 〙 ✥ Agє ✥ ۵ Born 1806 ۵ 200+ 〘 She looks to be in her early 20s 〙 ✥ Ɠєη∂єя ✥ ۵ Female ✥ Sєχυαℓ σяιєηтαтιση ✥ ۵ Bisexual ✥ Sρєcιєѕ ✥ ۵ Half human Völva/ half Jötunn ✥ Occυραтιση ✥ ۵ Witch ۵ Fortune teller ۵ Con-artist ✥ Aƒƒιℓιαtισηѕ : ✥ ۵ Herself. ۵ Her father 〘Occasionally 〙 ۵ SHIELD 〘When under duress 〙 ▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬ » Pᴇʀsᴏɴᴀʟ Iɴғᴏʀᴍᴀᴛɪᴏɴ « ✥ ƤєяѕσηαƖιту ✥ ۵ Cassiopeia is a dark and twisted girl, after watching her mothers public execution at a young age she learned to hate the world. She worked for her own benefit for decades, believing she was alone in this world. She is cold and not compassionate to those she knows, due to the fact she has no true ties to the mortal world she cares little for those around her. There is a darkness inside of her that she masks with callous remarks and a cold demeanor but it has revealed itself and when it does people suffer. ۵ When she learned of her fathers identity she became obsessed with gaining the attention of her only blood relative. She reached out in every manner she could think of until eventually her work was acknowledge, however due to the trickster nature of her father she has often times found herself committing horrendous acts to please him. ✥ ƑαмιƖу ✥ ┃ Ƥαяєηтѕ: • Father: Loki Laufeyson >Status: Alive • Mother: Isobel Nypan >Status: Dead. • Half-Sister: Hel >Status: Alive (well technically undead) • Half-Brother: Fenrir >Status: Alive • Half-Brother: Jörmungandr >Status: Alive • Half-Brother: Sleiphir >Status: Alive • Half-Brother: Narfi/ Nari >Status: dead • Half-Brother: Váli (He is only mentioned as the Son of Loki once) >Status: alive ▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬ » Pʜʏsɪᴄᴀʟ Aᴘᴘᴇᴀʀᴀɴᴄᴇ « 【 Natural 】 ✥ Ɛує ƇσƖσя ✥ ۵ Green ✥ Hαιя ✥ ۵ Dark brown almost black ۵ It is usually kept long and falls to her mid back. ✥ Sкιη Ƭσηє ✥ ۵ Pale ✥ Ɓσɗу ƁυιƖɗ ✥ ۵ Tall and slender, she is not athletic but has a well toned body. ✥ Hєιgнт ✥ ۵ 5'7 ✥ Ɯєιgнт ✥ ۵ 130lbs ▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬ » Wᴇᴀᴘᴏɴs ﹠ Aʙɪʟɪᴛɪᴇs « ✥ Ɯєαρσηѕ ✥ ۵ Her wit ۵ Her magic ۵ Daggers ۵ Her looks ✥ AвιƖιтιєѕ ✥ ۵ Ƭєℓєкιηєѕιѕ: Nypan is capable of moving objects with just her mind alone, this is usually physicalized through hand movements and other gestures which seem to just be an extension of practice and not necessary. We have yet to find a limit to these capabilities whether it be distance or weight of the object, it seems that once she puts her mind to something it is within her power. ۵ Sєι∂/ѕιgнт: One of the abilities which we know for use comes from this “Völva” Abilities is something the Sagas call Seid. In the stories the witches use a combination of song and a ‘magic stick’ to enable her soul to travel. She seems to be in a trance during this, and can see and hear things others can’t. the Saga’s claim that she can communicate with spirits during this trances as well predict the future. In this state she can predict the future, answering the questions about the future and fate that the participants in the circle ask her. This is one of the Völvas most historically feared and coveted abilities, predicting the future. ۵ Iммσятαℓιту: Nypan is over 200 years old in the 21st century but appears to be in her mid to early twenties, photos from the early 20th century show she has not aged since then and has lead us to believe much like the Asguardian’s we have discovered she posses a form of immortality or extended life. ۵ Ɛχρяєѕѕιση: This last known ability of Nypans is best described as Expresion. It is by far her strongest and most untapped power. She herself as referred to it as Expresion as in her words “it mimics how I feel and what I want to do.” We have seen her level houses with it, corrupt bodies, grow plants and heal the injured. It seems to be the most basic and yet harmful force of witchcraft we have found. It is unclear if this is something she gained from her father or a combination of her parents as no power like this has been recorded. ۵ Ƥѕισηιc’ѕ: Cassie can manipulate many psionic powers, she can create a variety of shapes, and manipulate energy to create constructs. She usually uses this to create, shields, weapons, but can also use it to help heal others. It is a rather versatile ability. And due to her young age (for her race) she has yet to realy push the boundaries and discover what she can do. ۵ Ɓℓσσ∂ Mαgιc: Due to Cassies powerful blood she is able to use it in many different kinds of spells and rituals. Some examples can be, using her blood to melt metal, open locks, lock spells and much more. it is an old and very misunderstood magic that few witches feel comfortable using. ۵ Ƒσяcє ƒιєℓ∂: While this is an extension of her psionic abilities, Cassie can create force fields to protect those within a fight foot radius of her. however the limitation to this is that her shields must be connected to her body and she can not extend them beyond a small area. It is the weaker of her abilities since she is not used to having to protect others, or find the need to. Like her expression abilities, It is completely dependent on her will and her desire to protect those around her. ✥ Ɯєαкηєѕѕєѕ ✥ ۵ Iron: A metallic element that possesses strong supernatural properties, although Iron doesn't hurt witches, it blocks their powers. ▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬ » Bɪᴏ « ✥ Hσмє-Ƭσωη ✥ ۵ Mobile ✥ Ƈυяяєηт яєѕι∂єηcє: ✥ ۵ Mobile ✥ Ɓισgяαρну ✥ 《 Oяιgιηѕ 》 ▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬ Cassiopeia is the daughter of Isobel Nypan and the Norse god Loki. Her mother Isobel was a famed völva one of the last of the practice, who traveled Northern Europe and the british Isles telling fortunes, reading cards and making potions for any who could pay. Due to the dangerous nature of her work in the eyes of stronger growing Christians, she was forced to continue moving throughout Europe to keep from being punished for her crimes. While on one of her many trips in Sweden Isobel encountered the God of Mischief, intriguing him during one of her more grandiose performances. Their relations lasted no more then a night however as both parties parted the next morning with little care for what had happened, it wasn't until a month later that Isobel discovered the consequences of the night. Nine months later, in the dead of winter, while Isobel was taking shelter from a winter storm in a Swedish inn Cassiopeia was born. Her mother could tell almost immediately the girl had inherited her magic, as well as abilities from her father she could not yet discern. After a few months spent in the Inn Isobel returned to the road taking Cassiopeia with her. 《 ƐαяƖу Ɩιfє 》 ▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬ It soon became obvious that Cassiopeia was far from human as the years went on, her aging was considerably slower than any normal child. Something that was quite hard for her mother to deal with but which pointed to her more then human ancestry, despite her aging slowing her mind grew rapidly. She often gained the reputation as strange in towns they visited as she spoke and acted with a manner befitting someone much older then her apparent physical age. Isobel continued her shows of magic, staying no longer than a week in each town they visited and all the while instructing her daughter on the basics of witch craft. Cassiopeia was a natural, gifted with hands which spun the natural magics with an ease she became her mothers helper, impressing many who saw her with her natural born ability. Her gifts were not all good however, a fact that became quite apparent as she aged and her temper grew, she could manipulate the world around her with a though. Throwing objects, opening doors, and commanding much darker forces to her side when she was angry enough. Her mother sought to teach her how to control her powers and while she was not entirely successful she managed to keep much destruction at bay. For a long time they traveled like this, however it did not last as long as either of the women might have liked, on Isobel’s tenth birthday her mother was caught by the local christian zealots and tried for witch craft. While it was no secret that Isobel was a practicer of mystic arts, something she used to help the women of the communities she arrived in, she was prosecuted all the same. The dark truth of the matter was however that the act of witchcraft that got her arrested was not her won doing but Cassiopeia’s. Having disliked the name a man called her mother and her as they past she had struck out, injuring the man severally with only her mind. For this crime her mother was found guilty and sentenced to burn. Isobel Nypan was the last woman to be convicted and killed for witchcraft in Sweden. 《 Oη нєя σωη 》 ▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬

After the death of her mother Cassie managed to escape from those who had caught them and lost herself in the forest. She spent months inside of the dark woods mourning the loss of her mother and of life as she knew it. In the woods she learned to depend upon her magic, using the forces inside of herself to hunt and overcome the harsh elements. No one is quite sure of how long passed between her escape into the woods and when she finally left but what is known is that her first act was to take revenge on those that had taken her mother from her. It was a group of christian missionaries who were ultimately responsible for her mothers demise and so she hunted them down tracking them across the whole of Sweden. That act itself took over a decade, however each man she found met a grizzly end. Torn apart by the darkness inside of her, each death was a savage act that the human world attributed to animal attacks. However anyone with any magical sense could easily see the truth, however as power like Cassie’s had yet to be in her world- many were left stupefied. There was one force however who was not as mystified by the girls powers as the mortals were, the all seeing Heimdallr. He recognized a force which was not human and his gift of foresight lead him to the inevitable conclusion of her truth. Another child of Loki was raising hell on the world below. Time moved faster for Cassie than the events which unfolded above her however and after the murder of those responsible for her mothers death she continued her mothers work. For well over 100 years she worked as a medicinal woman, selling spells, potions, fortunes and much more to those who asked for them. Of course as she had learned in her early childhood, many of the ‘services’ were nothing more then cons, and with enough trickery people bought whatever she sold them.

《 Hєя Ƒαтнєяѕ Ɗαυgнтєя 》 ▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬ Her father was told of her existence years before she was aware of his identity, his disinterest in the half mortal was the start of a toxic relation between the two. However as the years progressed into the late 1800’s the young Völva who now appeared to be in her late teens despite nearing her hundredth birthday was living up to her fathers name as a trickster and con-artist on earth. She had been run out of many of the villages in the north of the Neatherlands and seeking to make a knew and better life for herself she bordered a ship and sailed for America. In america she found promise in the Spiritualist movement which had started in 1848 and by the time she reached Americas shores in 1855 was in full swing, she used her abilities to stage seances and ‘communicate’ to the deceased. She made quite a stir with her moving performances that she soon grew to a kind of stardom, one that few people could combat. Even the firmest of believers fell victim to our magics, she truly had a knack for convincing the public she was communicating with those they had lost. She gained a reputation much like the famed Fox sisters, only she never fell from grace. Instead after almost ten years of making a living conning the innocents she had created enough of a mess with the natural order of things that many of the Gods were angry enough. Another of Loki’s children causing chaos, much to the distaste of all involved. At the same time the gods were puzzling over what to do Cassie was causing problems for herself on earth, the media was beginning to catch some more troubling sides of the famed Miss Nypan. Namely the broken lives she left behind and the lack of change they’d seen in her over the ten years. She still looked to be nearing her twentieth year and it was beginning to sour the mouths of many. Cassie however was not quite ready to give up the life of spiritualism and so she continued with her shows, charging more and more as she went along. By now people had begun to find themselves anger with her and it brought the attention of local Witches to her door. The Witches were part of a coven, one of the oldest covens in America who had had enough of her flaunting her powers to the public. However almost the second they met face to face the witches realized she was not like them. This revelation came as a shock to Cassie, as her mother had never openly told her she was different than any witch or Völva and she had never met another magic user before, she had thought herself normal for her situation. Now intrigued by the seemingly young woman the witches began attempting to discover her heritage and what other creature had spurred her creation. What they found shocked them all, a spell which used her blood to track others who shared it found her father to not be on earth, instead when the mist of the bowl cleared she was looking at the rather angered face of the God of Mischief, his identity only revealed through the conversation they over heard. The coven now utterly shaken by the revelation of the apparent half god in their presence left her with no further help for fear of brining the wrath of the trickster down upon them and their coven. Cassie however did not feel the same way, and instead of trying to keep her head down and out of the way of his potential wrath she decided to attempt to get his attention. 《 Oвєѕѕιση 》 ▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬ With the realization that she was not alone in the world anymore Cassie became all but obsessed with finding her father, hoping that he might hold some answers to the mystery of her unnatural powers. It was not to be however as her father was no more interested in her than he was in any other mortals, so her acts grew more and more out of hand until he finally relented and the two met face to face. The trickster lived up to his name and over the course of the next century Cassie found herself caught in his webs multiple times, committing horrendous acts in hopes of winning his favor. However each time she completes his task she has won no more of his favor then she had before, while a part of her knows this she is to driven by the desire to belong to not fall for his games. ▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬

» Aᴅᴍɪɴ «

This account is mostly going to be Norse Mythology however due to lack of content I will be posting Marvel related things, and in some posts tying Cassie into the Marvel universe simply so I have a diversity of content. If you want to rp please just comment below or on any of my posts and I will be happy to. → Ƭнιѕ ρяσƒιℓє ƒσямαт ωαѕ cяєαтє∂ ву мє, ρℓєαѕє αѕк вєƒσяє υѕιηg ιт

#Cassiopeia Nypan #original character #oc #loki #Loki Laufeyson #jötunn #magic #marvel oc #norse #norse mythology #character profile #character development #pinned post #my writing #asgard #witch #Völva #witchcraft #Spiritualism

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deke-abed-spencer · 6 years

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AU where you and Loki (your dad) were banished from Asgard. You both now live on Midgard and he’s grown accustomed to it.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Daddy-”

“Not now, sweetheart.”

“But dad-”

“Y/N, not right now.”

“But I just-”

“Y/N! Not right now, I said.”

“But-”

“Give me a moment,” Loki said to the people he was talking to. He turned to Y/N. He grabbed her arm harshly and pulled her away. He took her in the next room and crouched down to her. “Y/N! I can’t deal with you right now. Go to your room and I’ll find you when I’m done,” Loki told his daughter firmly, pointing in the direction of her room.

Y/N held the sore spot of her arm and stomped off to her room.

Loki returned to his guests. “Sorry about that. Where were we?”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Loki opened Y/N’s door, without knocking and not very slowly either. “What did I tell you about interrupting me when I have company?” Y/N sat on her bed, curled up and crying. She didn’t answer motivating Loki to move closer. He sighed. “I’m sorry I snapped at you, but we’ve talked about this.” Y/N still didn’t answer. “Y/N please talk to me.”

“Why? It’s not like you listen.”

“I do listen-”

“No, you don’t! You never listen to me! Grampa listened more than you do!”

“Y/N…”

“Go away.”

“Y/N-”

“GO AWAY!”

Y/N moved to lay down. She buried her face into her pillow, still crying. Loki didn’t leave. Instead, he ran his fingers through her hair.

“I don’t listen,” Loki admitted. “I should… I will try…”

Y/N knew him well enough to know that that was an apology, but she was still upset. Loki rubbed her back slowly, trying to soothe her. He softly hummed an old folk song’s gentle tune.

“♫Ask veit ek standa, heitir Yggdrasill hár baðmr, ausinn hvíta auri; þaðan koma döggvar þærs í dala falla; stendr æ yfir grœnn Urðar brunni.♫”

He sang softly to her. He repeated the chorus over and over, which is how the song goes, until she was asleep.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

AN: Super short. The song is Völuspá. But if you search youtube for “Yggdrasill” it the one that says ‘Yggdrasill - Viking Pagan Folk Song’. The thumbnail is a fancy tree (Yggdrasill itself) against a yellow background. There’s a good bit of just music before the lyrics. I just love this song and wanted to make something about it. So search all that or just click here. Also here is the English translation.

#old norse #loki x reader #y/n lokidottir #yggdrasill #voluspa #völuspá #Loki Laufeyson #loki odinson #loki friggason #short fic #loki on midgard #slightly abusive

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loadsem168 · 3 years

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sending-the-message · 6 years

Text

HOW TO BE BEAUTIFUL AND THIN by Skelethin

Hello everyone, so, uh, I want to be beautiful and thin. And I’ll tell you exactly how you can too!

There’s a storm deep within me that’s dying to get out. It’s a storm of rage and self hate, constantly gnawing at my fat to escape. I must admit, I’m not fat and I never have been. I have always been a size small, since I’m 5’3 and 105 lbs to begin with. What hurts more is that I’m simply average. Normal body, normal size, normal everything. I’m considered “normal thin”, and not fat nor skinny. I’ve never been anything special. I’m 15 and I frequently enjoy, well, different things than your average teen. I’m obsessed with books, and only classic literature. I only listen to classical music and I play a few instruments, as well as spend my time writing poetry and practicing ballet En Pointe.

Anyway, now that you know a little bit about me, I’m here to tell you exactly how I got thin and beautiful. So, I had tried everything at this point; being Vegan for a few months, which resulted in Anaemia, I tried the Keto diet, which also didn’t work. I even tried diet pills, which no, did not give me a tapeworm. I will admit, I was losing 4 pounds per week, but that’s simply not enough. How do people even have the patience to diet for months while losing as little as 1-4 lbs per week? I didn’t. I had to find a way to speed up the process. I stumbled across a diet known as an “Ana Diet”, unbeknownst to me, it definitely would work. It was on some website called “AnaBones4evur.com” and i figured it was a spam site at first, since it popped up like an annoying ad on the bottom of my computer when I was searching other legit dieting websites. This one didn’t seem professional, as it was a minimalistic page. The font looked as if it were tipping and falling off the page, as well as little blue sparks were glitching all over the deep black wallpaper of the website. I looked closer, and I noticed that the millions of little blue sparks that were glitching were in fact mini pixel butterflies. Strange. There were only a few links displayed on the page, which were clearly misspelt.

There was an “Abooout”, an “FAQ”, a “Store” And a “Dietes, Tricks and Ttipss”. Now, I know what you’re thinking, clearly it’s a fake scam website as all the red flags were there. Mind you, I was absolutely desperate to lose weight. As silly as this sounds, I couldn’t just be happy and satisfied with a body like any average girl. I wanted mine to be surreal, angelic, ethereal, like sharp jagged bones protruding like glass. So first, I clicked on the store. There weren’t many items being sold; just scales, measuring tapes, laxatives, diuretics, exercise merch, and a bunch of purple bracelets with the same bluebell butterfly symbol on them. The prices were all surprisingly low, and I hoped that the FAQ would say something about the butterfly, so I clicked on that next.

There were only 5 Questions with short non-detailed answers below. It’s weird, since all the questions seemed odd but well punctuated, and the answers from the website host was misspelling everything and often using foreign letters such as “ ç, ż, ł, ß, æ, ø, œ, ü, ę, ŵ, etc.” It was strange. One of the questions was “How long does it take to lose about 60 lbs?” And the host answered “well, if you follow all the ÅNNNNÁ rules, then you will lose 60 lbs in about 5 months. Usūally yoau losę 8 pounds p3er ŵeek (((:” the rest of the questions weren’t very important. So I clicked “Abooout” and it was also short paragraphed. It looked a little like this:

“Hallo And Welcym freinds!!! U are now part of the ÁnNa famly. Everywun who joyns, is my fellowe sister or brothear!! U can onlye be acepTed on 1 Condishin. You MUST FOLLEW allkklllllll the rules. If u fail to follew evry rool, u will be BANNED FROm THISE WEBSIGHT. How will I Kno if u breyk a rule?? TrUuuuuust me. I kno. I am Alwaus Watching u. It u sighn up here, I Will Automauticalli have Access to sey what u r doing 24 HRs A DAY. SeveRe Punichment will come ur way if u Brayk a rule.

Remember, have Fün and liive Dangeroushly!!”

Xoxoxo- MIA

Finally, I clicked the diet, tricks, and tips. All of them were normal enough, at least at first. “Eat only X amount of calories per day” and the punishment is, if you eat over 900 calories then you will have severe nightmares for 8 days. You have 3 strikes. If you go over 900 for the third time in a row, you will have severe physical pains. I don’t believe in a lot of supernatural stuff, I mean, I believe in ghosts, but not that some random person on the internet has the power to control your mind and your body. You have to exercise until you faint, if you stop exercising and you’re still able to walk and stand fine, then you aren’t doing it enough. You must count and measure everything that goes in your mouth. You must make yourself throw up in case you accidentally consume a little extra calories. I hate vomit, but if it will make me lose weight, I will do it.

So I tried. On August 1st I began my diet. I restricted. That was the main word etched in my mind: Restriction Restriction. Other words were “Willpower” and “Self Control.” I have the willpower to restrict my calories, and I feel like I am the Goddess of my own body. I have immense self-control that people often express how jealous they are, that I easily decline delicious sweets being offered to me. Every time my stomach rumbles and moans and screams at me for my cruelty, I smack it and tell it that it’s not hungry, just bored. Who knew that feeling hungry and empty felt so good?? The “full” feeling I used to feel when I ate normally was disgusting. Bloated belly, full of food, now is empty shrinking belly. I feel so weightless, like a feather. I hated vomit, but soon I began to vomit 5 times a day. I never went over my calories. I was gonna be the one to do everything perfectly so I can impress Mia. I will be the number one winner in her dieting contest. She will absolutely love me. She expresses adoration for me already. Her little voice in my head constantly praises me after a good purge.

September 10th: I feel so nauseous. My bones ache and my whole body is sore. I think I worked out too hard last night. My breath still reeks of last nights vomit even though I brushed them like, 12 times. I had to tell people my teeth are yellow because I ate something that contained food colouring. It’s tiring, having to pretend to make breakfast and lunch so my dad thinks I’m eating. Luckily he’s the only person I live with. It’s crazy how the only reason I manage to get out of bed is so I can weigh myself. The scale is my religion. I hated math, but now I love it. I’m the best at counting calories and measuring the size of my waist and my thighs, and that number that drops every day is amazing. I weighed in at 83 lbs today. My dad doesn’t know since my old clothes are the only thing I wear, and they’re huge on my delicate and dainty figure.

October 1st: I can’t even move. My long pretty fingernails are yellow and brittle and they constantly fall off whenever I scratch my dry, itchy head. My once thick mass of luscious blonde hair is dirty and greasy and stringy, falling out in clumps when I brush it, when I shower, and when I wake up. My skin feels like a snake; patchy and scaly. I’ve always been pale, but never like this. It’s a annoying how everyone asks if I’m sick or if I have a fever. They don’t know. They’ll NEVER understand. I’m constipated so I have to rely on 15 lax a day. I can’t sleep because I’m so hungry, and when I do sleep, all my dreams are food-related to me binging, and I wake up in a panic, crying since I think it’s real. I can’t walk 3 steps to my own bathroom in my own room. It hurts. I want to pass out and pant heavily whenever I walk up the stairs, as it feels as if I have walked 30 miles. I resorted to crawling everywhere. Sometimes, my dad has to carry me.

November 1st: I hate my my life. I used to have depression before, but it’s never been this severe. I feel like the more weight I lose, the more depressed I get. MIA LIED. She said I’d be happier once I’m thin. She promised I’d look like one of those models in the VS show. They don’t look as dead as I. My dad is a mortician, and he constantly remind me that I look and feel like a dead body. I’m cold, my skin is so so cold. I’m cold. I wore Uggs, Sweatpants, a sweatshirt, and thick blanket in 105 degrees and I was shivering and freezing. Every time I stand up my vision fades to black and all these black little dots dance around my blurry vision. It’s like when you stand up too fast you get dizzy spells, except it happens to me all the damn time. I have to lay down 4 towels on the toilet seat to go pee since it hurts my bones. I have to sleep on 5 blankets since it hurts my bones. I can’t sit on wooden chairs because it stabs my bones.

Everyone says they’re worried about me. Teachers pull me aside, my ballet instructor, the nurse, store owners when I go and order a Diet Coke during lunch rather than actual food. I don’t even look twice at the display of pastries. I’m successful. Everyone says I’m too thin and I need a doctor, blah blah blah. They’re wrong. They have no idea how long it took for me to get here. They have no idea how I desperately needed this. They have no idea all the effort I put. They need to appreciate how beautiful I am. I thought they’d praise me. They’re just denying I’m beautiful, they’re all jealous. They stare at me with haunting and pitying eyes and whisper behind my back. They gasp and gape at my body wherever I go. See how jealous they are? They want to be me. They’re just saying I’m dangerously thin because they wish my body was theirs. Well, I had to work for it. If being thin was easy, everyone would do it. We live in a world of gluttony where everyone is constantly stuffing their face, whereas I eat every other day.

December 1st: Too weak. Can’t move. I have missed school for a week now. My skin is more blue and purple than white, and it’s not my veins. My lips are dry and white with a slight pale red and swollen shut with dead skin hanging off. I have heavy and thick black bags underneath my eyes. I FEEL BEAUTIFUL. My body is covered in bruises, even though I do nothing but sit on my ass all day watching TV. Mia said it’s okay to stop exercising since I’m so weak, so I deserve a break. My metabolism is dead, and I’ve hit a few plateaus, but I’m almost to my goal weight. It’s funny because my goal weight gets lower and lower the more weight I lose. At 105 lbs my goal was 95. I got there, and I still looked obese. Then it was 85, got there, and still obese. 75, got there, and still obese. I’m currently 68 lbs and my goal is 59. 5 is my favourite number, and 9 is one less away from being the highest and the greatest: 10.

It’s so funny. It’s like I was blind my whole life. I never really thought I was fat, but Mia said to take one good look in the mirror, which opened my eyes, and suddenly, I realised, maybe I AM obese. Soon those protruding bones became rolls of fat and I physically transformed into a monster. My mirror was alive and moving. It kept morphing and twisting and distorting like a fun-house mirror. Why isn’t enough? I think I was born with a special body that can’t be skinny no matter how much weight I lose. That number on the scale will never be enough. It will never satisfy my cravings and my need for skinny. Maybe my goal should be 50.

December 10th: I’ve fainted 4 times so far. I get Charlie horses in my legs every night. My dad says I have low magnesium and blood pressure. As well has dangerously low blood sugar and severe iron deficiency. He’s lying. He just wants to make a big fat ass again. My heart rate is currently 40 BPM. There is one thing that i love, though, and that’s my period. It’s gone. I haven’t had it in forever. My dad keeps crying and getting on his knees and begging me to eat, telling me I’m painfully thin. He’s just MOCKING ME. Everyone who says I’m thin is a big fat liar. They know I’m an obese pig, they just want to lie to me. I’m the only one who sees my body truly for what it is, why can’t everyone else? I know the real me is fat. Apparently everyone else just looks shocked and surprised when I say I’m still fat. “Gaunt Girl” they call me. “Emaciated Evangeline” they call me. “Starving Sister” I’m called. “Skinny Minnie” “itty-bitty” “Malnourished.” Everyone calls me either a zombie, a vampire, or a ghost.

I don’t even FEEL alive. I feel more like I’m existing, but not living. I don’t feel like I have a life. It’s as if I’m a puppet. Or someone is playing with me like an unmoving doll. I can’t breathe, i can’t sleep, i can’t eat, and I feel dead. I feel brain dead. I can’t even move now. I lay on the couch all day, barely moving my head. I can’t even watch tv or go on my phone. I can’t even tell you what I said 3 minutes ago. My memory used to be intelligent and sharp, now I can’t remember anything. My vocabulary speaking-wise is that of a 5 year old. My mind is that of a 5 year old. I dumbed down as my malnourished brain and mental state deteriorated. I am nothing but a decomposing body, waiting to be as light as dust. Soon to be ashes. I can only really remember to speak 5 words “Hi, Bye, No, Yes, Okay.” THIS IS WHAT PERFECTION FEELS LIKE

December 17th: This is Evangeline’s Dad. I found her diary and all the sickening things she’s written in it about her diet and some website. Evangeline Elizabeth Winters was admitted to X hospital at X address for a possible cardiac arrest. It appears she was found unconscious in her bed. On December 16th 10:31 AM. She is thankfully not in a coma. They were able to shock her heart and revive her. It is an utter miracle that she is along the 2% of patients who are able to recover from cardiac arrest.

January 1st: Hello everyone, I’m back! I’m in the hospital and they have diagnosed me with something that ended in “Nervosa” and I can’t remember what the first part is. All I know is that Mia would be so proud of me. I got a message saying “I’m the official Ana of the website.” And apparently Ana is the highest ranking position. There are many Anas, but there’s only one true perfect Ana. Along with Mia, she promised we’d rule together! I can hear her talking in my head already. Apparently I’m forced to be submitted into an Inpatient facility at a mental hospital for a few months, as well as be supervised and regularly see a dietician, a doctor, and a psychiatrist. I did nothing wrong.. it’s just a diet. Why can’t anyone let me be skinny? Why do they want me to be fat?? I’d rather kill myself than be fat.

January 2cd: I managed to steal a knife off of the medical table while no one was looking. It’s 1:30am and I’m going to do the final step it takes to become a true Ana. Cut off the rest of my fat. My bones are in the way, but I’ll find the fat hiding behind them.

This is what perfection feels like. This is what perfection is. Perfection is death. I am thin and beautiful, and I can already see Mia’s shadowy figure smile at me with glowing fangs across my bed.

ThÁbks For raéDjng this And Becum a Membrrr of THe Dïett!!! -Evangel-AÑNÁ

#reddit #nosleep #scary #story

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ecotone99 · 4 years

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[SF/HR] The Pearl Necklace

Elon Musk spent his whole life inventing amazing things, his final 7 years were thought to be the best though. He wanted to create a rocket that could fly at the speed of light! He passed before finishing it at the ripe age of 102. He put the project into the hands of his son, X Æ A-12, and grandson, Jesse. Who gladly took over and finished the first model within 7 months.

Elon was thought to also be working on a mystery project before he passed. Some thought it was a message for everyone who bought the first tesla. Others thought it was something, much, much bigger. Like a spaceship that could travel through time. "He can already go the speed of light, why not travel through time? The flash did it, so why can't Elon?" Is what some thought, but those people also thought the earth is flat, so obviously no one is going to believe them. We call them The Thinkers.

A year before Elon passed I actually got to meet him. And even call him grandpa because I married Jesse, his grandson. Jesse and I have always been interested in space. We met in college. Randomly got paired up for a project and hit it off immediately. Jesse kinda kept his family a little bit of a secret, which I can understand now, but back then it was just a little fishy. I still couldn't help myself, I fell in love with him anyway. Even just the sound of Alex Musk and Jesse Musk is music to my ears. We got married in 2073, a year before Elon died. One of the last things he told me was that he is proud to call me his granddaughter and to never stop pursuing my dream. I still hold this close to my heart.

For the next 5 years after the first rocket ship to fly at the speed of light was made, it was mass produced, until there were over a billion made! Enough to hold everyone on the overpopulated Earth and more. This is when nuclear power plants just started blowing up all over the world. There was no rhyme or rhythm to it, it was completely random. This was slowly causing earth to be uninhabitable because of the toxicity. They sent out my crew and I to find a new planet to inhabit. My crew was made up of six amazing people, Caleb Lowes, John Hickory, Eddie Johnson, Barb Lynn, Jannet Ross, and Jenne Aura. These six people are the most loving, caring, and helpful people on Earth. I’m so glad to have them in my life, and on my team! We loaded up into the space shuttle.

We were lucky enough to be able to travel in the first one made; the best one. We got sent out on July 14th. I remember the feeling of the shuttle shake, a harl itself into the atmosphere. It was unlike anything I've ever felt before. Once we hit the atmosphere it was like everything stopped for 10 seconds. Just silence and beauty. Until Eddie announced “We did it guys, we're in space!” Everyone cheered. Caleb noticed that NASA put in a coordinate, all we had to do was put the shuttle into the ‘lightspeed’ setting and go. Jenne asked if we were ready, we all responded with “Affirmative.” She pushed up the leaver from normal to lightspeed and pressed the green button saying “Everyone hold on!”

We sped into the abis. It was so fast I couldn't even feel it. It was like we didn't even move. We all saw a huge flash of pure white, then a gumble of dots and colors. As if I rubbed my eyes too hard. But the colors weren't colors I've seen before. A color no one can explain. Almost like an absence of color, but it was there. It came with a wave of extreme anxiety and terror. I hope we never have to feel that ever again, even if it was only for a few seconds. Within just a few seconds we were at our destination. Everyone kinda just looks around at eachother like ‘holy crap, what the heck just happened?’ Yet, we all stayed silent. Until Caleb said “What kinda Milano type ship is this?!” He thought he was being funny, but none of us knew what he was talking about. So he explained himself “You know, the spaceship in Guardians of the Galaxy?” None of us understood but he continued, “2014? Marvel? Avengers? Quill flew it to Morag to get the Orb for-”

“SPOILERS!” Eddie interrupted. We all just giggled in confusion. Barb sarcastically said “You all are a bunch of idiots.” We all laughed. Caleb asked “You guys do know what I'm talking about though, right?” Laughing John replied “No.” Caleb was the type that could live off of old movies. He even says “Everything after 2021 SUCKS!” Basically, he’s a weirdo.

I look outside and say “Well, we’re here.” Jannet asked “We gonna park it, or what?” Jenne pulled the switch into normal while John figures out a good place to land. We successfully landed the ship and tried to contact NASA. Nothing. “We must be too far away.” I said. Everyone agreed. Jenne asks “So, what are we going to name it?” Since we are the first people on this planet we get to name it. I blurted out “ReMusk!” Everyone looked very confused. Eddie hesitantly spoke up and asked “ReMusk?” Happily I explained to myself “Yes! ReMusk! Re, as in a redo of earth. And Musk, because it's the Musk space ships that got us here. Soooo ReMusk!” Silence. Pure silence. “No objections?” I ask. still nothing. They all just look at eachother, waiting for someone to say something. “ReMusk it is.” I say walking towards the door.

I open the door and Caleb puts on some music he put on a CD before coming here. He would not survive without music. He probably made 100 CDs, all with 10-50 songs. The CDs range from 1920’s classics to 1980’s rock to 2000’s pop all the way through to 2040’s country. He likes everything!! Even “Yummy” by Justin Beiber, you have to be some kind of crazy to like that song!

We unload everything and get settled in. Two days pass and we still haven’t been able to send out anything to NASA or have gotten anything from them. We all decide to take a nature walk. It’s all so beautiful. So peaceful. Every animal we have seen has been a herbivore, fearful, but curious. One animal was furry, fluffy, and looked almost like a dog. but walked on two legs, straight up, but had a third leg. The feet were like monkey hands. while eating it would stand on its smallest leg and use its longer, stronger, legs to grab and eat food. It was super friendly and wanted to stay around us the whole time. We named it Frank and kept it as a pet. Named after Frank Sanatrua, Caleb’s idea.

Whilst on this nature walk we saw something move. Then a girl yelled “Hello?!” Confused, I yelled the same thing back. She frantically screamed “Please, don’t hurt me, I’m safe!” Still screaming, I replied “It’s ok we won’t hurt you. Are you injured at all?” She replied “No.” I ask her where she is and we meet up. All of us are very cautious, even Frank.

Once we were within 10 ft. of each other Jannet stoped everyone saying “That’s close enough for now” Frank ran twards her super exited, like it knew her. She freaked out saying “Oh my gosh Frank!” Caleb asked what we were all thinking “You know it? And it’s name?”

“Yes, I’ve known it since I’ve been alive. It’s mine actually. I lost it about a week ago, thank you for finding it! And as for the name, it’s name has always been Frank. My mom was always the best with coming up with names.” She said while petting Frank and looking at us.

“Speaking of names, what’s yours?” I ask. “Oh, Ashley!” She replied. “And yours?” I answered for everyone, pointing at them when I say their name. “Now intruductions are over, I’ll ask what everyone else is thinking. How did you get here and how do you know english?” Jannet said. “Well I’ve lived here my whole life, my mother and her friends raised my freinds and I here. They all spoke english, so I do too.” Ashley answered with a pause “Do you think you guys can help me; I’m kinda lost. Sorry for the inconviounce.”

We all ponder the desion. John wispers to all of us “How do we know if we can trust her?” Ashley heard and answered by saying “Well i know this planet better then anyone, so i can help you guys too. I can show you what you can and cannot eat, what is frendly and what isnt. You guys can learn from my mistakes! Please help me, so I can help you!” I ask if she remebers what direction she came from. She said “No, I’ve been looking for Frank and I have no idea where I am now. I think I’ve just been going in circles for awhile” I ask “Do you just want to follow us back to our base and if you see anything familiar, tell us and we will go that direction. If you don’t, just keep going with us and you can stay at our base.” “Yes, ok.” She responds. “This way” I say as I turn around and walk towards our base.

We talk about our lives the entire time we walk. About my crew and I from earth. Ashley talking about her life on ReMusk. We get about ⅔ of a mile away from our base and Ashley notices something familiar and screams, “There! That way! There’s my base!” while pointing right. We start walking in that direction while Frank wags his tail at your dog when you get home after a long day at work.

Once we get to Ashleys base we see 3 other people. Ashley and Frank run towards them and give them all big hugs, almost crying. She must have been gone for awhile. Ashley introduced everyone. “This is Cale, Jesse Jr., and Bethoney.” She says while pointing to them. I did the same with my crew. Everyone shook hands. I notice they kids look kinda familiar but i don't say anything. We all get to know each other and end up moving our base to theirs. I am honestly so glad there are other people here and we aren’t alone. Such a relief.

We spend the next few days getting closer, researching, playing games, and simply just experiencing this new world. One day I noticed that Ashley has the same pearl necklace as me. This necklace is one of a kind. My grandma made it when she was little. Then I gave it to my mom when she turned 16. My mom did the same with me. I asked her about the necklace. She said that her mom also gave it to her when she was 16. Which I found kinda weird, but it probably just blew it off as a weird coincidence.

There is one thing that I just couldn't get off my mind; how they look familiar. Then i figured it out! Cale looks like Caleb. Bethoney looks like Barb. Jesse Jr. looks like Jesse, my husband and a little like me. Same as Ashley. I don’t say anything to anyone, yet. I want to test something. I make a sharpie mark on my pearl necklace to see if anything happens to Ashleys. Nothing. I’m still unsure. So I chip the necklace with a screwdriver. I look at Ashleys and hers now has a chip in it when it didn't before. This is the same necklace. These are our kids. We are their parents.

Everyone is playing poker. I pull Caleb aside and tell him, he might understand. He does, but he is very shocked. He agrees with me.

“Do you think they time traveled somehow?” Caleb whispers to me.

“What if it was us that time traveled? I mean, you remember what happened in the space ship when we were coming here.” I suggest.

“You said we’d never speak of that again!” Caleb says sternly.

“I know, but, comon. Are you really telling me that wasn weird?” I ask.

“I’m not saying that, I just, is it really possible to time travel?” Caleb replies.

“Yes! I know it sounds crazy, but just hear me out. What if The Thinkers are right. What if Elon was able to make a shuttle fast enough to travel through time. Think about it. If you can travel a LightYear in a tenth of a second, or faster. We could have possibly just gone so far it was as if we time traveled.” I say frantically.

“Well I guess that kind of makes sense.” Caleb says, still kinda confused.

Cale comes out of the hut and sees Caleb and I talking. “Whatcha guys talkin’ about?” Cale asks. “Oh just asking him about a certain song” I reply hoping he doesn't ask any more questions. “Okay?” Cale says laughing. “Let's get back to Poker then guys.” Caleb replies “Yeah, Poker.” We walk back to the hut and play until everyone gets tired.

Everyone goes to bed, but i can’t sleep. I bet Caleb can’t either. I go to the bathroom, which is in a different hut about 100 ft away from the main base. While leaving the bathroom I hear something making noise a little ways away. Its Cale and Caleb! I hide behind a tree to listen to what they say and see what they are doing. I’m like a spy! I can’t really hear what they are saying but i know they are arguing. Then I see Cale punch Caleb in the side of the head, knocking him out intimately. Cale drags his emotionless body to almost complete darkness, but my eyes have already adjusted to the darkness so i can still see them. Cale pulls out a knife, stabbing Caleb in the chest, and drags it down to his hips. Killing Caleb. I watch cale slowly fade out of existence. So it is true. Cale is Caleb's son.

I ran back into the bathroom trying to pretend I didn't see anything. I eventually go to the home hut to try and sleep, but i don't think anyone can sleep after that. I lay still staring at the ceiling until morning. I act asleep as everyone wakes up. Once about two others are up I ‘woke up’. All day I had to act like nothing's wrong all day. Just pretend nothing happened.

Everyone is drinking at the bar. I tell Jenne what happened because i just couldn't hold it in any longer, I NEEDED to tell someone! I made the mistake of telling Jenne because she told everyone else. Making everyone very mad. Causing a huge bar fight to erupt. But it was more of like a murder fest, because they just kept killing eachother. Bethoney killed John. Jesse Jr. killed Jenne. Jannet killed Jesse jr. Ashley killed Eddie. Finally Bethoney killed Barb, killing herself in the process. All in that order. I am hiding during all of this. Just watching all of my loved ones die right in front of my eyes. Leaving just Ashley, a bunch of dead and bloody bodies, and me. All I can think about is Jesse. I have to make it home to him. It’s just Ahshley and I, and I can't let her win! I have to kill my own daughter, who I haven't even raised yet.

She is still looking for me, while she is turned around I pull out my gun and shoot her in the back of the head. I did it. I really did it. I killed someone. As all the blood floods out of her body, so does a letter. I grab it, it has my name on it.

“Dear Alex,

If you are reading this, my plan failed. I lost, you won. I bet you have a lot of questions. So i think i can answer a few. For starters, you were right, I am your daughter. Cale is Caleb's son, and Bethoney is Barb's daughter. You are very smart, I must say.

I was born with a condition that leaves me in inimaginable pain every second of every day. You knew about it before I was even born. Yet you still had me. So you have to pay for what you have done. I decided to kill you before you can even have me.

I know I couldn't just go back in time and kill you while you're sleeping. That's too easy. I had to get you to love me first. Give you hope. So I could rip it away from you. Make you in pain like you've done to me. You Did this to me mom! IT’S YOUR FAULT I’M LIKE THIS ALEX! IT’S ALL YOUR FAULT!!

So I made a plan. Jesse would go back in time and blow up nuclear power plants all over the world after all the space shuttles were made. Then leave his time travel ship there, calling it The First Elon Musk Space Ship and assigning it to you and your crew. He stayed on the ship until you got here. He would then escape and come to our base. We would become close, giving hope. Then I would kill you. I’m guessing it didn't go like that though.

So you won, I hope it was worth it. I'm sorry mom.

Love, Ashley <3

P.s. turn around ;)”

I turn around, Ashley is standing right behind me. With the gun pointed at my head. “Ashley, baby, you don’t have to do this! I can make it all better! I’m sorry” I plead. “Yes I do” Ashley says while pulling the trigger. As life fades out of me, Ashley’s entire existence does too.

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samsek · 7 years

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November 27, 2017

Wow, its been a while since I wrote on here...

I love Cameron, I want to be married and have a family with him one day

Sometimes I feel like Cameron can’t read me at all but one of the reasons that I really fell in love with him was because he would understand what I needed when I was upset when I always have no words. And now it feels like he tries to read me and he thinks that he always knows and then does something that he thinks will help but he’s far off and I’m upset already for whatever reason and its so hard because I love him and I don’t want him to stop trying and I know that he’s trying but he’s doing the wrong thing and he’s making it harder and I’m strong but I’m only so strong but I don’t want to hurt him so I don’t say anything and he thinks its okay or I do say something and then he feels bad because he was just trying to help and then I feel worse so I think maybe I should just keep my mouth shut and then I just am full of confusion and so I have to block out the feelings so I can stay in control and then sometimes the love can’t get through.

But I know I love him, I knew when I met him even though I didn’t know it, or wouldn’t think about it. He and I clicked and it was what the universe wanted. I always do what the universe wants, although I don’t think that we have control at all. I think that I have a special relationship with the universe and even though I don’t know anything at all I know that it knows. Because it all comes down to physics, we don’t know how we got consciousness but consciousness doesn’t mean that you have any control. It makes you want to have control. And I don’t know what the relationship is between consciousness and the universe but I can’t imagine that the universe likes people trying to control it, but thats the difference with me, I let the universe decide for me. This journey I’m on is to understand myself but its deeper than that. I want to understand how everything works. and I know that I will never reach that, or maybe I will, the craziest thing is maybe I will. I feel this is my path now because I reached my last unattainable goal. HOW THE FUCK. it was that drive. the one where I really felt enlightened and it was the weirdest thing because I didn’t know but I did know that I had gotten there. and I then was lost for a sec but I made a change because I know something was up and I found something even more unattainable but what people don’t know is that there are an infinite amount of perspectives and you have to just find the one that makes it all okay and thats when you’ll be perfect, and you’ll have everything you didn’t even know you wanted and you’ll realize that you thought that being perfect was unattainable and that being perfect would mean that you felt perfect in your heart but when your feelings are perfect they are constant and when they are constant it averages out to nothing. you aren’t accelerating, you are just constantly existing, equilibrium, and when you are in equilibrium it feels great until you get bored and then you realize that there has to be changes to feel good. yin and yang and there has to be give and take and if no one ever takes from you no one can relate to you and no one wants to hear you complain about how good things are.

But they’re not perfect anymore. I am to a degree, maybe I’m just optimistic but I feel like nothing bad happens to me, and I don’t mean that like nothing bad ever happens to me but when bad things happen I sometimes don’t notice that they are bad I just learn and then I look back and realize that that was really really bad. sometimes I just don’t realize how horrible it was because when you know that it could always be even worse then you know that you’re gonna be okay and the universe is so much bigger than you and in the scheme of things nothing matters at all but you have to pick something because you gotta do something with this consciousness. and I think we all chose something different and thats the beauty of the randomness and I chose the universe and I think that the universe appreciated that and therefore appreciates my consciousness and takes care of it for the most part.

The universe loves me and I love it.

I think that is why I am smart, it has blessed me with intuition and fascination with it.

So this is the part thats hard, I know that there is a link of some sort between the conscious and the universe. thats why I loved philosophy so much, but people don’t see the link between them, or that there has to be one and I want to find it. even Neil DeGrasse Tyson didn’t see that there was a connection. This is the thing and thats why I’m writing right now and I know that Alissa was right when she read the tarot cards and I know that I don’t want to believe that they are right but the second she said it I knew it was all right, and they didn’t think it was because they didn’t think that I would think it was, and she was awkward and didn’t know what to say and the more she tried to word it differently to make it sound the legit she was right. It was funny because I didn’t know how to respond other than “i know” which seemed like a weird thing to say.

and maybe thats why cam is struggling because I changed and now I’m even more complex and I have to wait just like I had to wait before but it’s different because he knows what he wants now and he just needs to be patient until it clicks and I do too and its hard but we will be okay.

so theres all that and then.....

now that I live in santa cruz things are different. I feel more comfortable here which is good but also bad. I only have cameron to answer to here and he doesn’t notice my shit often so I can get away with being a shit and keeping secrets and being a punk. But I haven’t done anything that bad but thats because I have the most tempting dangerous drug of a game in front of me, a game that was okay to play when cam and I were disconnected before because I never made any promises before and that was his fault so I could be a dick about that if he ever gave me shit. but now I can’t get away with that because we did the thing which is great, but now I don’t have a loophole to play my favorite game. Chandler. what. the. fuck. The adrenaline/high that I get with that boy is unfair. I wonder if he feels it. I wonder if he knows my secret yet. There are hints and I know that he’s smart, I think he’s like me and he knows and maybe he doesn’t know that he knows yet but he’s putting it together and I have to tell him the whole store before he puts it together because I don’t want him to assume the wrong thing. but I also want to keep hanging out with him and don’t want it to make him leave. I hope he’s more like me than I know right now and wants to play too but we are both just shy because its a lot risk. But shit when I make eye contact with him. and when he look up as he comes in the door and I know he’s looking to see if I saved a seat for him but doesn’t want me to think he cares but he makes a crooked smile when he sees me and that I did what he wanted and oh my god the butterflies. and when our knees get too close there is electricity and when our arms touched on the armrest. and all I wanted was to lie my head on his shoulder but i didn’t know if it would be okay, but I was so sleepy and I think I could have gotten away with it just like I got away with ditching class and making him get me lunch. and how he uses me to procrastinate, but cared enough to notice things for my well being. I think we both wanted the bus to take longer but I would have gotten so awkward that I’m glad it was there. Too much chemistry for one day. I have to think before I act and too much was happening and I didn’t have time to think and I could make a mistake. I have no idea what he thinks of me, I have told him some pretty random facts. although I think thats why people hang around me, I am all over the place. I think i intrigue them

thats fine with me.

Oh what am I going to do.......

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