#but anyway! im reading again and that basically means i got inspired to write again so 👀

[tobesobri]

anyway hi! i’ve been busy with work bc i have an adult job now and i officially got hired this week so im super excited

[27-royal-teas]

YET !!! ANOTHER ANALYSIS!! And for good reason this time because people keep misinterpreting Pete’s work to be about Mikey and it makes me fucking PISSED can you not let pete have one thing in his goddamn life i get it its fine to have headcanons and opinions but PLEASE for the love of god please stop discrediting all of his hard work & good writing to be about a white boy he fucked back in ‘05 this CONSTANTLY happens with poc artists and it makes me mad to no end

yep, that’s right. today we’re talking about I Am My Own Muse. writing this essay i have listened to it a grand total of twenty three times 

i like this song a lot specifically because i do kind of relate to it a lot frequently i feel like smashing a guitar until i go insane but i dont have a guitar and i dont know how to play one regardless so. uh yeah

The thing about IAMOM is that it’s saying that in the TITLE. Hes his own muse. And obviously no one can take that away. sure , some of his songs might be inspired by someone, but in the long run, who do they come from? pete. romance songs might not be about anyone in particular. I know ive wrote songs that could be interpreted as romance, but they’re actually me talking to my younger self or my future self or my friend, and the point is, even though songs written by pete may seem like they were about someone that doesnt mean they are and you cant, you CANNOT discredit the fact that he is his own muse. just like the song title says.

The song begins with a BANGING orchestral arrangement. I think the intro to IAMOM is my favorite song intro on the album. It's just very well thought out and clearly carefully planned, and quite honestly I think patrick did an AMAZING job and I'd love to see him do a breakdown of the composition here because I am IMPRESSED. Not even to mention the vocals, he is on FIRE. anyway in the rest of this essay I’ll be interpreting the lyrics and tying them back to the central topic i just opened with: How Pete Is His Own Muse. 

The first verse is quiet, and it begins like this:

“Here i am, not sure you should take a chance

I like playing dumb, letting you figure me out

But i was faded in my own defense

So drop a bomb on the things we dreamed about”

I feel as though this verse is very clear. He isnt sure that the person he’s referring to should take a chance on him, should think that he is worth it, and he likes being able to be up to someone else’s interpretation with no outside influence. i do this frequently with strangers- i stay quiet so that they can make up their own idea in their head about me. They can figure me out themself, since i clearly cant figure myself out, and i think that’s the idea pete is really aiming for here. ‘So drop a bomb on all the things we dream about” can be referring to himself or someone else, but here let’s take it in the context that he’s discussing himself. This line is repeated in the second verse, so it’s clearly one of the main points that needed to be stated here; here he is saying to himself that (again, it’s that self sabotage) he should give it up, give it all up, it’s not worth it, destroy it all, drop a bomb on all our dreams because they aren’t going to happen. Taken together with the previous lines we can basically say that pete is saying that because he is leaving himself open to interpretation from the public, the things he truly meant to say are lost. And i think that’s the main thing here, especially with the title, and obviously im doing it myself, maybe this isnt what he meant at all, but i definitely do think it correlates along those lines to some degree. 

The chorus is repeated several times throughout the song (3 times to be specific) and it goes like this:

“Smash all the guitars ‘til we see all the stars

Oh got to throw this year away

We got to throw this year away like

A bad luck charm” 

And then that repeats twice. 

I think i can safely say everyone reading this right now has gone through the pandemic. I assume three year olds dont go on tumblr. The entire smfs album references 2020 and 2019 time and time again, most critically in What A Time To Be Alive, and it’s heavily present in this song too. “Got to throw this year away (like a bad luck charm)” vocalizes the wishes of pete and everyone else who wishes to cut those years out of their brains- pete has expressed in interviews how taxing the pandemic really was on his mental health, and i think that “smash all the guitars” could symbolize the frustration and pain he really felt in that time; destroying music (one of the main things he loves) until he can sink into that despair and just float away (“‘til we see all the stars”). Another way this can be interpreted is an act of rebellion (a lot of musical artists smash their guitars during shows, cough ryan ross cough) but i dont really think that that makes as much sense in this context. 

The next verse:

“The trumpets bring the angels but they never came

No one let them in ‘cause they didnt know my name

I know i keep my feelings so tucked away

Just another day spent hoping we dont fall apart

So drop a bomb on all the things we dreamed about”

Another very pete based verse (BECAUSE HE IS HIS OWN MUSE). This kind of links to Heaven’s Gate because it’s related to the same thing- not making it on the list, not feeling worthy of getting into heaven, because this sort of self deprecation is reflected throughout most of Fall Out Boy’s albums. I could give a million examples of this, but I don’t want to be here forever. “The trumpets bring the angels but they never came/ no one let them in ‘cause they didn’t know my name” sort of brings to mind the image of a person waiting to be carried away to something they’re not entirely sure they deserve, and they’re proven correct because no one ever came to carry them away, no one ever decided that they’d be on the list to get to heaven and the angels just went marching past and pete can hear their horns, know theyre there for people who deserve heaven much more than he does. How sad is that?

“I know i keep my feelings so tucked away/ just another day spent hoping we dont fall apart” carries the feeling of not wanting to be a burden with every emotion thought and expressed, even the good ones, and ‘we’ can be referring to himself, every single aspect of himself, hoping he doesn’t fall apart into shards of the stars his guitar is made up of. and then of course it’s the line about the bomb again, although this time it feels even more internalized and personal because it’s the second time he said it, and he dreams of getting into heaven but how can he make it up there if the angels themselves know he does not deserve to and so. drop a bomb on all the things we dreamed about, folks, because they aren’t going to happen. 

The bridge: 

“So let’s twist the knife again, twist the knife again

like we did last summer

So let’s twist the knife again, twist the knife again

Oh, i’m just trying to keep it together

But it gets a little harder when it never gets better I'm trying

To keep it together, to keep it together, oh”

To me this entire bridge just feels really deeply confessional and personal. Im going to start at the bottom because i like it the best. 

He’s trying. He’s trying so damn hard- to be optimistic, to be hopeful and stay full of happiness and love but it’s SO HARD when there’s no light at the end of the tunnel to motivate him. This is still talking about quarantine, i think; i remember i was in middle school at the time; they said that we would be back in two weeks. I remember i was grateful to get a break and time off. Then two weeks turned into two years and it got really, really hard to see an end to the pandemic. When things stop improving it gets harder and harder to keep it together when you can’t see the results of any of your actions, when you’re trying your best but it still gets you nowhere. Wouldn’t you stop trying? i know i would.

And let’s talk about “let’s twist the knife” just a little bit. “Last summer” might refer to the last album release, which is Mania (even though it was released in January). Another album cycle, another twist of the knife; another bit of words that pete has to pull out of himself like ribbons, and although he loves it, that’s his job, it still feels like dredging up all the pain again. So let’s twist the knife again, dig it in just a little deeper, just like we did before. 

So, yeah. Pete is his own muse and i truly do think that that is heavily reflected in this song, even this whole album. A lot of songs in smfs seem more him-centered, because he is the writer and he is talking about himself. So Good Right Now and What  A Time To Be Alive are especially good examples of this. 

And the interesting thing about the title is that it’s pulled from a Frida Kahlo quote, which goes like this: 

“I am my own muse. I am the subject I know best. I am the subject I want to better.”

And isn’t that just it? This whole album, it’s an album of self discovery and going back to your roots and staying current anyway. It’s patrick pulling pete out of his funk and getting him back in the game; it’s an exploration of a new style, a new fall out boy. And like a phoenix, every album they rise again, still the same but somehow completely brand new. The orchestral arrangements displayed in IAMOM and SMFS and LFTOS showcase this, the new feeling but still the same, something bettered, and I’m really, really happy with how far they’ve come not only in their expansion of music but also with themselves. And I feel like this song and this title- I Am My Own Muse- is really a stand up, it’s a show of how far they’ve come. Because they are the subject they know the best.

[scintillyyy]

I can’t believe I had followed you this long without realizing you had a whole >100k word fic you were working on. I spent the past few days reading My Baby, You are a Gift, One I Will Cherish.

Your writing is honestly so amazing. I can’t remember the last time I read something that long from start to finish in such a short time. The characterizations, the reinterpretation of canon events; so many things were just incredible. It really shows how much work and care you put into it.  

It’s so nice to have a story that puts so much effort into fleshing out a character like Janet Drake. Was there anything in particular that inspired you when you were writing her?  

hahaha, yep, that's me! that fic is my baby lol. thank you, i get very bashful about my writing lmao. im glad the characterization had been decent, i'm always so worried about that. anyways, this answer might get a little long so i'm putting it under a cut lol

as far as anything in particular that inspired me? uhhh, well i guess i'll have to go into something that you're basically almost never going to see me talk about ever on the internet if i can help it so i'll still keep it vague-ish: i actually have a young child of my own. (i mean. if it wasn't super obvious already. people usually don't get into attachment science on a whim. they do it because it's 4:37AM and someone has only slept in half-hour increments since 11:30PM and they've been crying off and on for the past 2 hours desperately hoping that the someone will just fall asleep for 2 hours please and all they do is research everything about parenting obsessively because that's the absolute only thing they can do-). so i have spent a lot. and i mean a lot of time in parenting spaces. i'm part of my local area moms group in all their glory (they're very, uh, special), and i personally know a lot of other parents, and i'm basically immersed in a very interesting and complex culture (marriage and parenting culture). and i have seen my fair share of conplex, not great marital dynamics. and now that i have a kid that's what the majority of my patients talk to me about, so i get to hear a lot about different views and experiences of parenting from a lot of different viewpoints.

so anyways after the batman came out and my husband and i went on a date night to go see it, i ofc got the itch to get back into reading dcu fanfics and comics after not doing it for years since the nu52 (i also saw that they rebirthed tim's original history back, so i forgave dc a tiny bit), so i got myself the dc app so i could re-read all my beloved post-crisis comics. and it was a nice hobby to pick up again because it was very easy to pick up and put down in 20 minute increments and work around, you know, child care. i was devouring all the most popular fics (which 90% are fanon, lbr) while re-reading old storylines, and while the absolute disconnect between fanon and canon was fine for me at first because it's all fiction and i really didn't care that much, i eventually started to personally get a bit...discontent at fanon in general and the fanon drakes, especially janet (but jack too. like it or not, he does have an established characterization!). like. i read the comics!! she wasn't necessarily a great parent by any means, but the five panels she got prior to being fridged for tim to officially become robin basically showed her being physically affectionate, caring, and generally supportive of her son. who was this weird, cold woman who never once held her son and didn't care about his well-being at all?? she was unrecognizable to me. and as i started to make my way through post-crisis, i also became a bit mad at dc for killing her for tim's character and then basically making her a non-entity that barely got mentioned. despite her failings, tim was legit devastated when she died (and he later said he can't let himself drown in his grief for her--he clearly must have loved her so much) and then they did nothing with it. what was their relationship?? who was she?? why was she a generally loving mother yet left with jack?? did she think tim was okay?? what were she and jack constantly arguing about?? why did jack say to tim that his mother wouldn't want them to be so far apart?? did she maybe have some misgivings about traveling, did she not necessarily like being far away from tim?? how does this woman become the mother she does?? what were her intentions?? she deserved to have more character development in my mind! why does this woman basically get flattened into the worst mother ever? i know a lot of imperfect mothers who are in complex marriages and are just trying and not always succeeding. what exactly did that look like to me? how do i marry the two ideas?

another thing that interested me immensely was the idea of a difference in perception from tim and from his parents regarding tim's childhood. obviously, we know tim's pov. but what did his parents think? did janet think everything was going fine?? did they have a rosier picture of tim's childhood than he did? and thus, the first fic was born. me blathering for 27k words trying to showcase janet as a parent who was trying her best, who was semi-isolated by life circumstances, but was simply unable to balance work, kid, marriage and was unintentionally making tim feel abandoned by her, something she never would have wanted if she had realized. and that was going to be it.

and then i got sad about her, because janet as i view her (i like to think a lot of tim's good traits come from her) i think would have done a lot better with a second chance with tim than jack did! like, she, as a mother, might have a very different response to the tragedies and loss of her husband and try to focus more on her son than jack did. she as a widowed mother would also face very different judgments than jack did (society is obsessed with the idea that boys need a father figure--so she'd probably be more likely to let tim hang out with bruce rather than jack fighting their relationship at first because "it's good for him" to have an older man he can look up to) she's more supportive in her appearances, after all, saying that tim could be just like dick when he grows up. i think that she'd find out a lot sooner. and i think her surviving wouldn't have changed any of the big events, and i became obsessed with the idea of "but how would she deal with this canon event vs jack". she is, after all, a different character who deserves her own internal feelings and motivations. the drakes weren't great, but i don't think they're that irredeemably bad. and i think tim would want them redeemed too!

and nobody else was writing the canon-but-with-janet fic in my head that i couldn't stop thinking about, so i figured i'd give it a shot just in case there was one other person who felt the way i did and wanted to see it lmao.

anyways tl;dr a lot of inspiration comes from the fact that i am a mom and have spent way too many hours dissecting parenting in my head and the fact that i know a lot of moms who are very complex, imperfect humans and i just like stories about motherhood and allowing mothers to be nuanced and to redeem themselves.

[fairyhaos]

"if anyone else wants to come and discuss the colours i put for the members in my inbox.... yall can RUN here i wanna talk about it so bad" all you had to do was ask, yena <⁠(⁠￣⁠︶⁠￣⁠)>

i actually don't know if i have synesthesia (but when i was a kid i would associate personalities(?) with the letters of the alphabet as well as numbers ? ? idk how to explain it but 3 would be this rly sweet character whereas the number 4 would be a bit on the shyer/quieter side,,, does that make sense ? bye where is this going O⁠_⁠o) but when i first saw ur post about cheol being burgundy it was just so,,, aaa idk it just made so much sense ? it was so intriguing that my mind had already associated certain colors w some of them and idk you gave me something really interesting to think about ! ! i even ended up writing something for the 95line bcs i was so inspired !!

i chose wine red for cheol (i was so close to picking burgundy lmao), pastel pink for hannie and silver for shua <3 i made some of my irls even read that stuff and they liked it so will it be ok if i share it w you too ? ? i don't mind sending it to you on anon bcs i just wrote that for fun and quite frankly i don't think it's worth stealing anyway lmao ⊙⁠.⁠☉ but yeah !! pls lmk if you'd like to read those bcs this already got so long and i spoke nothing of value here rip,, and oh do you have any emoji anons ? i would like to be 🎐 anon if that's okay ? if not, then that's fine too >:) i hope ur day has been treating you well so far !! <3

hii omg let's talk colours!!

ive never seen someone associate numbers w personalities before (then again i literally know NO ONE else with synaesthesia lmao) but that's really interesting! all i know is that the even numbers are some form of orange/brown/yellow/red for me

i think synaesthesia is So intriguing and when i was a child i didn't even realize it was not normal to see colours for people and words until i told it to others and they were like "wait what, that's not normal" so yeah, im glad it gave you something to think about too!

wine red and burgundy omg you and me 🫶🫶🫶 that really is so close! the jihan colours are also vv interesting,, jeonghan as pink is something i can definitely see haha but for me jeonghan is literally everything colour and also transparent and clear at the same time so

and joshua! i have shua's synaesthesia just sitting in my drafts basically BEGGING for someone to request it bc i. i love his colour so much and it's so strong and even though i can't find any colour on earth that looks like the colour in my head perfectly i still love it so much. i think you'll love it too when i post it bc... again there's a crazy similarity here (but kinda in a different way,,, you'll have to see what i mean later on HAHA)

i would LOVE to see your writing for the 95 line! seeing the reasoning/ the feelings of the colours and how you describe it interests me so much. ive always wanted someone to share colours and reasoning of colours with, so of course!!!

this is such a long answer haha but also yes you can definitely be 🎐anon! i have a couple of named anons i think? but i haven't heard from any of them apart from the first ask they sent me so im not too sure <3

hope you're doing well too!

[manchineel-mistress]

thinking about. that yugioh pokemon fusion thats been rattling around in my head. its been a few days.

so like, i know that yugioh and pokemon games have just been a thing. who wouldnt match yugioh, a series about games, with one of the most popular game franchises in the world.

but like, there are very few fics where its yugioh characters who live in a pokemon world. the true pokemon au that yugioh dm deserves.

anyway im a puzzleshipping fiend (im not sorry) so things have been rattling around my brain for a while.

imagine:

atem, the undefeated pokemon champion, took the pokemon training and battling world by storm at a young age, his elite four are rumored to be the toughest that the pokemon world has seen in decades.

yuugi, a young man trying to popularize a new form of bonding/competing with your pokemon through collaborative games rather than head to head battle, who might also be atem’s childhood friend who then got yeeted to another region.

atem goes to visit another region for Pokemon Champ (TM) reasons and ends up running into yuugi’s grandpa’s shop. where yuugi happens to be hosting a demo or small competition for his new pokemon trainer games. idk what to call it. games where people compete with their pokemon but it isnt beating each other up. i think yuugi just doesnt like violence and ends up creating these games because he loves pokemon and bonding with them and games. i also think he should be able to keep his game designer roots in every au, he deserves it.

anyway, atem, who has been bored with pokemon battles lately, ends up joining. only to be faced with his old friend that he hasnt seen in years. and who he has been having a very very hard time forgetting (because pinning idk i just read romance not write it). but chooses to ignore that because yuugi also lowkey doesnt react to him at all. but he has fun! he has fun for the first time in a while! but then he has to leave because of Pokemon Champ Business (TM) and hes sad.

so cue his ace pokemon running away from him because atem has been Not Himself lately. as in being pokemon champion has changed him for the worse because pokemon politics ig??? im just pulling from my memories of “red being champion was not good for him so he runs away to a snowy mountain for years” fics because i feel like that applies. expect instead of running off to a mountain, atem just becomes really mean. and cruel. think s0 vibes. (ignore the fact that s0 atem was not that bad and hes honestly my favorite flavor of atem).

so atem’s ace pokemon have broken into the muoto family shop and yuugi is desperately trying to figure out how to contact atem to get them back. (yes he does rememebr atem, he just thought atem wouldnt care to be his friend again/forgot him, so he didnt really talk to atem during the day). cue um romance! and angst! and drama! and fluff!

idk i really like the canon yuugi-atem character arcs and dynamic. they build each other up and change each other for the better. i want that be come across in that au. even though i basically havent explained anything about it. i just really like the premise i set up for it. (no i probably will never write it, but i like sharing my thoughts). (feel free to write it if you want idk if people care enough for that tho lol).

atem is someone who has lost himself in the bitterness and cutthroat nature of the pokemon competitive battling circle, seeing people mistreat their pokemon and how there is so little of what made pokemon battling fun to him in the first place. and yuugi, who was lowkey ostracized for not being interested in the traditional pokemon battling culture even though he proved to be a really good pokemon trainer and battler, so he found solace in the games his grandpa would send him and share those with his pokemon. which then inspired him to create games that people could play with and along side pokemon, but he never had the confidence to introduce it to anyone past the small town he moved to after his parents’ divorce. (why am i putting all the yuugi backstory in here? idk hes just a kid with divorced parents, so his mom took him back to her home region to live with his maternal grandpa and changed his last name to his mother’s maiden name).

but then atem and yuugi meet again! different than they were as kids (i have more on that but idk where to put it), but nonetheless still them and they want to connect again but scared to reach out. until one stray ace pokemon forces them to connect again. atem is reminded of why he loved pokemon battling in the first place and sees it again in the games that yuugi creates. yuugi finds that confidence he needs to really spread his wings through atem’s influence and encouragement. theyre a dream team fr fr.

anyway final notes that i dont have a place to put:

atem’s elite four are his canon priests, idk how it would work but i think having mahad and mana on there would be hilairous

yuugi’s first pokemon and ace pokemon is a gengar nicknamed yami (as inspired by this post)

i like to think of it as baby yuugi being very lonely in a new region and ends up hanging around some of the more dusty corners of his grandpa’s shop, and then one night a stray ghastly pops by and used its smoke to copy his hair and theyve been inseparable since

yami is also insanely protective of yuugi and scared his bullies off for him, and was very very not happy about a powerful pokemon (atem’s ace pokemon) breaking into the shop to cuddle up with his partner

yami and yuugi definitely have a gengar megastone btw

also yuugi has a garchomp nicknamed gandora whose yami’s second in command. i just love gandora a lot pls understand i adore the idea of yuugi being a little guy who just casually summons Gandora The Dragon Of Destruction on his opponents

atem’s ace pokemon is a ghost type, idk im thinking cofagrigus, because, its fitting

he also has a legendary he can just call upon, it just likes him and atem gives it treats every time it shows up (idk which legendary tho, but giratina could be a fun choice)

the Gang (TM) are yuugi’s friends that he made after he moved to the new region and are fairly wary of atem at first, but like they warm up eventually because yuugi likes him

kaiba is there still, and very rich and techy at that, and also the yuugi’s region’s pokemon champion who constantly challenges atem to pokemon battles and lives in yuugi’s town

i like to think steven stone but kaiba, which is to say rich and still makes his incredibly advanced and insane tech, but also really good at pokemon battling

kaiba also really likes yuugi’s game btw, but he never participates because of his trauma (winning? winning in some lame game? no winning only counts if its in a pokemon battle, thats the only way i can show my worth and validate myself) (no kaiba-kun, you just need therapy and some friends, pls let me be your friend and we can play games together)

yuugi and atem were friends as kids and they bonded over their love of games and pokemon, really yuugi was the one who inspired atem to become a pokemon trainer and atem was the one who inspired yuugi to make games, but then the Divorce (TM) happened

no atem didnt go looking for yuugi, its been like 15 years, yuugi probably has his own life now and doesnt need a reminder from the past probably definitely yeah

i think that atem’s pokemon like yuugi more than they like atem

teehee yes im a sucker for that trope, sue me

yeah i like pokemon aus, so what. no but i think about this every now and then and it gives me serotonin, thus i share with you.

[devils-advocate-writes]

(warning: this is very long and i didn't feel like putting a read more on so im so sorry to your dash)

okay so im writing a profile for my eng 131 class. im writing about this one classmate of mine who's had a lot of personal growth over the years.

i wrote about everything relevant to his growth, and came up with advice for other "bad kids" and their teachers. i focused on how anyone could improve like this classmate did.

this entire essay has felt very... uninspired. which is shocking to me. i mean, this kid's life story is incredibly inspiring and yet i felt really bored writing this thing?

something about my paper felt off. i was about ready to throw in the towel and call it good enough. it's due tomorrow anyway; might as well call it quits.

BUT THEN!

i read it over again and realized that OH MY FUCKING GODS THIS STORY IS BASICALLY JUST CARL ROGERS' HUMANISTIC APPROACH

carl rogers was a psychologist of the humanist variety (humanists focus on how people can improve and are the more optimistic side of psychology). he believed that all humans, if in ideal conditions, could grow to thrive.

what were these ideal conditions? rogers said that humans need unconditional positive regard, understanding from others, and genuineness (aka, being yourself)

(unconditional positive regard basically means "treat everyone with respect and kindness no matter who they are and what they've done". or, you know, basic human decency)

how does this connect to my essay? well, as a child, my classmate didn't really have any support. like, at all. you wanna know how he improved?

HE GOT TREATED WITH UNCONDITIONAL POSITIVE REGARD!!!!! HE WAS GIVEN UNDERSTANDING AND WAS ALLOWED TO BE HIMSELF!!!

our school gave him a shot even after he fucking threw a chair at a teacher. he was offered a private tutor. he got a therapist!!! he got support!!!!!

and then he could improve!!! with that support he worked on himself, found ways to cope with his anger issues, and built up his self-esteem! he was so confident that he could easily just,,, absorb any insults thrown his way!! he could be himself without being negatively affected by criticism!

and THAT was a noticeable difference. now everybody's opinions on him started to shift so that he had even MORE SUPPORT!!!!!! and then he improved EVEN MORE!!!

BRO IS OUT HERE PROVING ROGERS RIGHT HOLY SHIT

my essay is due tomorrow but i NEED to rewrite it now i NEED TO COMPLETELY REWRITE A COLLEGE ESSAY BY TOMORROW holy shit why do i do this to myself

i am biting and kicking and screaming istg i am SO FUCKING INSPIRED RN QOHAUIWBSJHBGKYUGS

anyway tl:dr; my original profile sucked ass, i had a massive realization where i connect all the dots, and now i want to rewrite it entirely by tomorrow night :'))))

[spaceyflowerswriting]

Not a request just a question out of curiosity. How did you feel when you first started out writing fanfics for a particular fandom? Have you always been passionate about writing? What is your method to know a character better so as to make your works seem close to their original personality?

I love your works, they genuinely make my day and would love to write for lookism one day as well and you're my biggest inspiration ❤️ hope you have a wonderful day :)

[Don't have to reply if you don't feel like it]

i got REALLY wordy so things are under a cut!

anyways can i just say this is such a sweet message 😭😭💓💕💓💕💞💖💞💕💓💖💞💘

thank u so much for sending this ask !! it always means the world to me when ppl express care and curiosity about other's creativity journeys :'] 💖

this goes for u, too, anon; if ur comfortable sharing, i'd love to hear ur own answers to ur questions! <33

how did you feel when you first started out writing fanfics for a particular fandom?

i started when i was around 9 and was very excited to share so thats what i did :] but over time i grew insecure and felt my old stuff was stupid lmao so i deleted it all off the web and then writing became a private thing for me for a very, very long time (writing like 40k, 38 chapters worth of stuff just for me 😭). i've wanted to share during my last few fandoms but never got the courage to until i got into lookism/viral hit !

(well, actually, i did share some writing during my "obey me!" phase but it was just text convos lol)

naturally, i was nervous putting my writing out in the world again esp bc the last time i did was when i like 11-12, and i was 16 when i wanted go public with my writing again 😔 im very glad i pushed myself to tho, bc its basically been a year now and i've had a blast!

i never imagined so many people would like my silly writing, enough to send in requests T_T 💕💖

have you always been passionate about writing?

kind of,,? i really only got into it because of fanfiction lol but i did consider becoming an author for like. a week of my life sjdhwhdj so really it's just a hobby i do since im the walking definition of "speaks little but thinks a lot"

gotta put thoughts down somewhere yknow? and at the end of the day, writing to me is just what art is to me; it's for fun and to express myself. sure, i wanna get better at both, but if my stuff turns out "objectively" bad, at least i know i had fun with it :'D

(that's my philosophy with art in general; make "bad" art!! have fun!!! enjoy life!!! i hate comparison/competitive things!!!! lets all just have a nice time being kind to each other!!!!!)

creative writing is very cool tho and i have a bunch of ocs i'd love to write stories for, but the artist in me is saying i want to do them webtoon style ;_;

what is your method to know a character better so as to make your works seem close to their original personality?

going to be honest, im not the best person to ask for this 😭 im the world's most casual writer and i take my "just have fun with ur art" thing very seriously;;

i.e. i just keep note of how a character acts throughout a story, characterize them along the way, and then use that as my base for any writing i do of them 😭

um. i also (re)read fandomwiki pages of them, if any, to double check for stuff 😭😭😭 occasionally i rewatch/reread moments of them in their stories when i want to look for something specific but otherwise it's just me going "hm would this character do this?", comparing it to my base, and reacting accordingly!

other times i straight up go "yeah they probably wouldnt do this BUT it would be cute so im going to do it 😍"

so, if nothing works, just let urself be self indulgent <3 unless u do want to take ur writing more seriously than i do, then uh yeah it would be much better for u to look up advice from people who take their writing more seriously ^_^"

final notes

thank u for liking my stuff, im very happy to hear they make ur day ;__; 💖💕💓💞 plus saying im ur biggest inspiration too is so,, ueueuueu,,,, ;;__;; 💞💘💞💞💘💕💖💘

i really hope u get around to writing for lookism or any other fandoms/original works!!! i wish u the absolute best with you and your writing journey, and feel free to tag/dm me with anything u write!! i'd be happy to support :]

hope you're having a wonderful day, too 💖💖

[hexbugnan0]

aaa nano.

i wanna write some of the intent behind her current actions and why she acts the way she does and the reason she does the things she does but oh my goodness. major spoilers for her backstory.

if i was going to though ill just use the stuff i already have sort of revealed. spoilers for nanobreaker entry 4 im gonna explain the nano bits i put in

hollywood was a really bad time for nano. a lot of it specifically is inspired by bojack horseman and yeah. shes bojack coded herself but. a decent chunk is based off sarah lynn.

^reason for this: nano is like. super self pitying. she has spent the past 3 entries feeling sorry for herself, like a loser. and instead of doing anything abt it she just takes it out on the people around her (atm in entry 2.) it does not help that codebreaker is questioning and second guessing her though. Anyways. nano has two motivations behind voting for atm. ill only explain one of them because the other one is explained by lore later. but. 80% of it was out of anger, and just wanting to feel like she was In Control for once. she is not. shes also just super petty which brings us to

nano is like really immature. she's been sort of childish since entry 1 and shes not gonna stop doing this. this kind of ties into her issues with having responsibilities, as well as um. other parts of her backstory. ok here im going to assume you also read the secret nano comic that you get by clicking the clock.

uhh. ill talk about the conversation she has with synth in the nano intro, because thats where i put the bulk of her lore this challenge. synth convo: synth is still understandably pissed by nano abt the shit she said last challenge. which is fair. it was shortsighted and like. a Very Obvious Lie to everyone on purpose. mostly nano flailing to try and get a sense of control again even though she has no control. So to remedy this, nano apologizes and (she is actually telling the truth in this conversation)

however, um. second part of nano's personality. Shes like. incredibly manipulative with the information she chooses to disclose. she knows synth well enough at this point that disclosing this will make her seem pitiful, and yeah, that goes against her initial attempts to try and seem independent and stuff, but she knows thats a losing battle. at this point the most she can do is to try and gain peoples pity and hope theyll keep sticking with her out of it, as well as use the shitty shit that happened to her to manipulate her way out of the bad things she does (this is a cycle this happens in nano backstory oops)

Anyways she brings up codebreaker and LA next. mostly its to subtly shit talk codebreaker since codebreaker came out of that region, but also its to dump a bit of backstory. and the reason for SecretLeader and also the reason shes been out of it.

she can't take responsibility for her actions ever because shes never actually had to until (unspecified egg incident). and immediately after that she got her responsibility taken away.

im actually going to reveal nanos backstory backwards. from like. most recent all the way back to the hive. which means you guys have to look at pocketwatch first.

pocketwatch is not That complicated shes in the backstory to beat up nano and make her feel helpless enough to join a competition in the middle of nowhere. basically she is nano's (technically current) wife and was emotionally manipulative. thats. all you need to know for Now. When she goes on the spiel abt LA nano is referring to pocketwatch. so yeah take from that what you will. Okay okay so. thats the synth conversation and the bulk of pocketwatch. uhh. most of the codebreaker conversation is actually more codebreaker backstory focused but yeah LA was not good for nano gee i wonder why wow i wonder why serial monogamy why does she fall in that pattern why is she scared of people getting too close to her tune in next time for more deranged limelade lore rambles

[chaoxfix]

Congrats on almost reaching 200!!

I just wanted to say a quick thank you, because you really got me into writing and posting fics again! I had so many ideas for so long (especially for Sonic) but always figured it was too cringy, or people wouldn't want to read my serious-writing Sonic fics lol

But your stuff is SO GOOD, and I was like ??? what the heck, they're an awesome writer who isn't afraid to write what they enjoy, what's stopping me?? Anyway! I hope this isn't weird, but I was just writing, and wanted to come thank you quickly!

youre so sweet omg... thank you so much!! im glad i could help inspire you!

a few of us are working to fight the association with cringe haha, so thank you! i just think these characters are neat and that there can be genuine compelling stories made about these critters! theyre so tropey and fun, which gives us a lot of room to flesh them out and explain those tropes and have very easy ways to fight bad characterization see how theyd react in situations... basically -- tropey and cartooney doesn't have to mean cringe! :) so im glad youve started writing and i really hope that you enjoy what youre making. ^^ feel free to rec yourself, im always on the lookout for new stuff to read!

[milkwizard]

So I read The House in the Cerulean Sea. Here's a brief writeup that isn't written in a state of agitation and distress at all:

POINT ONE: Horribly written, just absolutely the most clumsy plotless pile of cliches and one-liners, stereotypical characters, author wants nothing less than to write the next rejected Pixar short level of annoying and bad. I never want to hear it mentioned again.

Just... Shit, garbage. Absolutely one of the most shockingly bad novels I've ever seen recommended so regularly. Twilight for gay Booktok. I am astonished it's just.. I don't know how it has such insanely good ratings when it's one of the most poorly executed novels I've ever read, bodice rippers included. I like a bodice ripper. Cheesy books are great when the characters are relateable and I give a damn about the story.

House on the Cerulean Sea is something else, none of the parts that make pulp fiction enjoyable are in there. Its algorithmically likeable somehow because plot, writing style, characters, setting, concept, are generic as hell. I mean it, this book is a marvel movie.

And more importantly POINT TWO) TJ Klune was apparently 'inspired' by the fucking Sixties Scoop and instead of having a brain he went "aha! can't wait to write a story about children being removed from their homes by force and being violently ostracized but I don't want people to be all sad about real life things so they can be maaagical creatures and live in an alternate universe where I can just not write any indigenous people, but fairies are there though (sorry, ""'sprites' "")They're basically the same! And im gonna make one of them a literal garden gnome."

I should note that I held the opinions of point one before I even knew about the Sixties Scoop thing. Learned my lesson. That's a good few hours of my life I'll never get back.

Anyway, don't read this book. It's bad. I got recs if anyones actually looking for something good to read.

[raindrops-on-the-roof]

hi! i just wanna say, i was looking though my bookmarks on ao3 today because they are always changing, whether its because i lose interest or it is just my tastes evolving. anyways, i noticed that here is something to believe in is my longest lasting bookmark! in other words, out of all my bookmarks i have saved it is my oldest one. i can honestly see myself keeping it there forever, in all honesty. at the time when i first found it i remember it totally inspired me to try writing my own stuff as well. i’m leaving this anonymous because i feel like i honestly have left a lot of comments over the years on your story on ao3, and i didn’t want to give the impression that i’m like pressuring you into updating or something. i’m willing to wait forever, because that fic kinda means a lot to me… take your time, and however long, just know i’ll be here! i could keep going on forever but i just wanted to say: what you’ve created is important to me in one way or another, and it impacted me. i probably never would’ve attempted writing my own stuff if it wasn’t for seeing your fic and thinking: i want to write something that impacts someone the way your work impacted me! if that makes sense? ugh, im so sorry this is so long… hope you have a wonderful day! thanks again!

when I say this made me ugly sob I am not lying...

these past few years that I've been attempting to fight through the insane amount of terrible fanfic-author poor luck.. I got told I can no longer work for the foreseeable future, was forced to eat one meal a day and then move back home, was rejected twice for any government support and am in the middle of trying to appeal, was forced out of uni for mental health reasons, the list goes on an on.

basically all this to say it's been extremely difficult (and atm, impossible, since I can't afford my writing software) to find the time, energy or motivation to write anything at all. there are some days where it takes everything to roll out of bed and eat and shower. the days have been getting away from me quickly, and it's already coming up on another year since I last updated.

but I remain positive! will never let go of this story. it's the one I have always wanted to read. I read one close by shadow panther and said to myself you know what? I'm just gonna do it myself.. and it remains the piece of work I'm most proud of. it's gone through countless revisions, rereads, little tweaks, despite not even reaching 50k. it's what I read when I feel like I can't do anything worthwhile or when I feel like I amount to nothing. histbi and everyone's comments are a constant pulsing light reminding me that I've done something that people love.

it's so incredible and so humbling to me that I inspired at least one other person to do the same the same as me - to take their thoughts and try to make some coherent meaning out of them. doubly so when you say my work means that much to you.

and if this is who I think it is, THANK YOU. and thank you so so much to everyone for sticking with this fic for nearly five years now. I have read every single one of your comments at least 5 times.

thank you for helping me find my path forward. thank you for reminding me of what's important - that I do what I love before anything else. and thank you so much for your lovely words, as always. they mean everything to me. 💕

[sukunasun]

omg i can't believe you lost all your works? that's devastating! i'm so so sorry that happened. how many months or years' worth of work was it, or do you have a ballpark figure of what's missing? i mourn the drafts we won't get to see because you're an insanely talented writer, but im utterly grateful you still choose to continue. you're such an inspiration.

i basically reenacted the burning of the library of alexandria. there were about 190+ pieces of writing (inclusive of hcs, fics, and asks,etc...) all gone so quickly i barely had time to process it.

before i went finding links and copies from reblogs, i was contemplating whether it'd be worth it since there was a lot to find and it'll take up so much time just searching for them but thankfully most of it is on my masterlist now! there were a few that i just couldn't find reblogs of / cached copies so i suppose they're orphaned work now :( hopefully i'll stumble upon them some day and will be able to link them again.

but i've come to accept it so there are no hard feelings, the grief isn't going to linger and i think the situation helped to bring some focus back to my writing and how it has changed overtime. i get to see the ways which ive improved or lacked. plus, it brought me back to the purpose behind wanting to share my writing in the first place? pre-deletion i got really nervous and felt pressured when it came to posting stuff because i didn't know what reactions i would get, there was this 'underrated writer' stigma looming around me and i was concerned about 'getting my stuff out there'—which isn't how i want to feel when it comes to doing this, i like the interaction and i like when i see my work inspiring people and garnering such positivity but at the same time posting these works was always just about wanting to share thoughts and to write the kind of stuff i want to read about.

and i think im less hard on myself, it sucks being a tortured artist...there are works i keep to myself that i'm not ready to share because im so infuriated with my own inabilities and lacklustre ways, i read them and i think to myself what the hell am i doing? do i really think to call myself a writer? thus the works posted here will render some 'detachment' from me because i know they aren't mine anymore. they become someone else's piece of favourite writing or they're most hated, once i know its out there...it'll be seen and known, it'll exist as something tangible. which is why i feel less upset about 'losing' them after they got deleted, in a way, i was already prepared to let them go. this isn't to say that i don't cherish them but that i've learned that i'll write more stuff anyway and i'll write til i can do it no longer.

when i think about my favourite writers, i'm glad i've gotten to see some of their unfinished works and drafts, their letters and their poems too, all the stuff they probably never wanted the world to see but without them i wouldn't have seen a person who struggles the same way i do.

thank you for mourning them, they were pieces that have brought me a lot of joy and i hope my future work continues to mean something to you 💛

[fiendishpal]

hii fiend!!! i literally adore your art its so pretty and it- it just- *inhales* *exha-*💞💖✨💞💖✨💞🙏🛐🙇‍♂️🙇‍♂️anyways so- bcz u guided me to the osaaka ship and now im in love w it couldya please offer me some fic recommendations? ok, i just love ur art ur one of ny faves lov u have an amazingly sweet and beautiful day!!! :D

sure thing!!

i’ll put them by category here (i also have some art for some of them, i’ll post them when i’ve got the time)

i’ve put a star ★ beside fics that i’ve read a bunch of times hahaha!

canon-compliant

(fics that i think you should read first. mostly canon-compliant. so these are post-timeskip. after their meeting at the black jackals vs adlers game. these really won’t make any sense if you’re anime-only, sorry.)

stay with me go places by sparksandsalt ★

this fic. THIS FIC!!!!! this started everything for me!!! this is the reason why i started shipping osaaka!!!! the way they handled the characters is sooooo!!! *chef’s kiss* they really stick true to the characters' voices and the care they put into characterizations is impeccable. i also love bokuto and akaashi’s relationship here!! they’re so in each other’s lives that bokuto ends up exposing akaashi’s feelings indirectly and accidentally lmao and also atsumu and osamu’s relationship is so funny and hilarious. they are like how brothers are, atsumu showing his support but also clowning osamu in the process

this fic single-handedly fueled me to create so much osaaka content.

i dont know how many times i’ve read this tbh

wait by sanguinedawns

i love the yearning in this fic. the longing and the waiting and the expectation there. they’re trying to be subtle about their feelings for each other but they’re seen at the end but at 4k it’s narrated so smoothly. i love mutually pining idiots.

in the afternoon by yamaboto

this is so!!! i love this so much!! at 1k we see osamu yearning for akaashi once again. i love how they write this short scene. i could really picture the afternoon light coming in through the traditional panel doors and how the light must feel on your skin. 

take what we love inside by yamaboto

this is an established relationship osaaka and how they got together. in the afternoon (the fic above) is a snippet of how warm the writer could put words together. and it really is so sweet there’s a scene where they slow dance and it’s the best. i also love the simple fact that they put in how osamu cannot let anybody go hungry hhaha 

shout softly by lostsunsets

YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW THIS MADE MY HEART FEEL SO LIGHT AND SOFT AND TENDER. THIS FIC IS SO PRECIOUS OH MY GOSH

i love love loooooooove how the author put osamu's love and passion for food and filling in the pieces on what osamu does to fuel this passion --while in the back burner-- while he was still playing volleyball in high school

AND HOW HE LONGS FOR AKAASHI. THIS IS MAKING ME AAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!

GO READ IT PLEASE

we’re in au territory

(the setting is not canon-compliant)

sleeping with the enemy by billionairevolleyboysclub ★ 

the setting is in 2013 haikyu volleyball circuit. meaning they’re still in highschool and are still playing volleyball and they just happen to chance upon each other at interhigh.

 i love how sweet osamu is and how he got his crush on akaashi. and it’s lovely how they wrote the budding of a highschool relationship!! and their take on how osamu and akaashi handle ldr??? it’s delicious. dont let the fake/pretend relationship tag fool you this is very cute i love them so much!! i guess the ‘no drama’ aspect is what i like about this a lot bc osamu’s a pretty straightforward guy esp i guess back in highschool. also the second-hand embarrassment is real lmao

welcome in by risquetendencies ★

in this setting osamu’s still the owner of onigiri miya but the au aspect of this is that they haven’t met before. so basically a meet-cute.

and man  oh mannnnn the tension written here is good food. osamu is written so obviously into akaashi (i mean who wouldn’t) and akaashi is affected by this greatly and it is!!! wow!! i just love how smooth osamu is here and how flustered akaashi gets bc “omg a hot guy likes me????” (yes akaashi, this hot guys thinks you’re a sexy piece of ass please believe it)

 akaashi in a gay panic is literally the best thing. 

blood brothers by billionairevolleyboysclub (18+)

miya twins are vampires and akaashi has a thing for fangs. that in and of itself is enough reason for you to read this. i also love how the writer puts a distinction between atsumu and osamu on how they interact with/ feed on akaashi.

like the dawn by eggsan

this fic is actually inspired by my royalty au but im not putting this here bc of that. i really like how the writer introduced their story. i remember telling someone that the atmosphere of how they write is like the voice of a soft-spoken maiden hahaha it's lovely!! think light academia aesthetic. i also love how i get the doki-dokis when osamu, who is essentially a stranger, gets close to akaashi. i can feel akaashi's excitement and trepidation.

forgive the sea, follow the tide by KyryeDuBarie (18+)★

PIRATE AU!!!!!!

i love the fresh twist that they did here on the classic mermaid/pirate au. the twist being akaashi is actually a pearl diver and at the same time being vaguely hinted as a mermaid hhahaha. osamu's a pirate that got shipwrecked and got washed up on akaashi's shores that akaashi, of course, saved. 

there's a bunch of cool things that happened too that i cannot disclose bc that'll ruin the thrill of reading this. the plot is solid and the romance between osamu and akaashi is gradual but so so sweeeeet!! i highly recommend this!! but better clear up your schedule bc this hefty boy comes in at a whopping 40k!!!!

keep time on me by yamabato

this fic is based from my zombie apocalypse au!! and even though it’s set in the end of the world, they were still able to write it so sweet and comforting????? i only wish osamu and keiji the happiness they deserve :’)

i also like the whole theme of time in the story and how the story revolves around it. it’s very good!!!

the contest between by batman (18+)

akaashi is a documentary director and osamu is his subject. i love  love looooove how the author wrote how stubborn both of them are and how they could clash sometimes but not in the explosive type of way. it’s actually cute and sweet, you’ll see what i mean when you read this hhehehe

AND AKAASHI IS SO LOVELY HERE!!! so lovely!!! and he laughs and smiles a ton and those moments were written in a way that just said ‘look at this angel!’ LMAO idk maybe that’s just me. i love akaashi so much

AND THIS BABY COMES IN AT A WHOLE 75K!!!!!!!!! AMAZING!!!!

[caroldantops]

hey! im quite new here and i have seen a lot of talk about readers interactions and i was wondering what is the best way to support my favorite writers (like you) because i think i have been doing this wrong and i really want to support writers who do this<3 ps. sorry if that was confusing, english isnt my first language

not confusing at all babes! you're 100% clear.

also can i just say, i very much appreciate you asking this. i would much rather more people speak up and be like "hey, we dont know the best way to support our favorite writers so how can we?" other than just. Not Knowing and Not Doing Anything.

so, im going to speak from my own personal experience but also what ive seen many of my mutuals/writers i follow talk about. this might get a little long but i wanna answer as thoroughly as i can because people should know!

im putting it under a read more because it got hella long, but please i encourage everyone who reads fics but don't interact to read and consider these things.

fellow writers i encourage you to reblog and add any other commentary you think is helpful!

before anything else (this is absolutely not directed at you, anon, you're perfect), i just want to get this out of the way. never come to a writer's blog and get angry with them for complaining about lack of engagement. like jesus christ. writers are putting hours of work on tumblr for you for free. the least we ask is for comments and reblogs. that's it. if you go and act shitty towards writers who ask for more engagement, yet still follow and wait for the next fic, like what are you even doing bro. just stop.

anyway. now let's get to the actual question!

basically all writers on tumblr will agree, reblogs are vital. and i feel like that gets said a lot but maybe people dont actually understand how impactful it is so lemme give an example.

so let's say hypothetically i have 100 followers. that is 100 potential people who see a fic that i post (i say potential because timezones exist so you might not see it as it's posted)

and let's say one of my followers (Person A) reblogs it, and they have 50 followers. that's 50 more people that can read the fic.

and let's say Person B followers Person A and they also reblog it to their 50 followers.

with only two people reblogging a fic, that's already doubling the number of people who have read the fic.

now imagine Person C followers Person A and reblogs the fic, and Person C has like, 1,000 followers. that's so much more exposure for the writer.

and that's only from two followers of the writer. so imagine if all 100 that read the fic reblogged it? the numbers skyrocket at an exponential rate.

plus, more people reading means that the writer could get more people follow them. so they get a more consistent audience.

likes, on the other hand, do not guarantee this exposure. i would say that most people don't have their likes public on tumblr. and also, even if they do, i know that I'm not about to scroll through people's likes rather than scrolling thru their blogs. likes up the notes, and that's about it. of course i understand liking a fic so you can come back to it later, i do that all the time. but if I've liked a fic, i always reblog it once I've read it.

now, say you're reading hardcore smut that you might not want on your main blog for whatever reason, so that's why you don't reblog a fic. look, i get it. sometimes irl people follow your blog, or sometimes you just don't want people to know what you're getting up to. but that's why i made a sideblog specifically for fics.

this entire blog BEGAN as a way for me to reblog fics i liked. and then it grew and grew and grew into all this. not saying that you have to start writing if you do that of course, but i guarantee, i'd rather see a small sideblog blog with like 3 followers reblog my fic than a blog just like the fic and leave. because that's still 3 more people who will see my fic and possibly read it and reblog it. 3 is better than none.

comments. reblogs are important, but comments are really what keep writers writing. they inspire us with new ideas, help figure out what it is that people enjoy from us, help us improve our writing, and most importantly, they make us feel good. and like writing and posting is worth it.

now, i know that sometimes it can feel awkward reblogging with a comment directly on the post. i even usually don't do that unless it's with a friend. but here are some alternatives/tips!

send an ask or DM! if you're really intimidated, sending an anonymous message is by far the easiest way to bypass that awkwardness.

write in the tags!! i cannot express this enough. comment in the tags. ramble about the fic. just put three tags worth of screaming. literally ANY comments in the tags are my favorite thing. i promise you that writers will scroll thru like basically every tag.

also, if they post it on both tumblr and ao3, don't feel weird about giving a little comment on both! i do that all the time. you can even be like 'hey i read this on tumblr first but wanted to say again how much i enjoyed it' and that is like, heart burstingly nice to hear.

also, if you're having trouble coming up with something to say, my like top commenting tip as both a writer and a reader is point out something specific that you like about the fic. when i comment on a fic (this is moreso when i comment on ao3 bc my comments are always longer there) i try to point out a particular line i like. literally if you just copy and paste it and go 'wow i really really like this line especially' that is the number one way to a writer's heart. seriously. it's the simplest thing, but it makes SUCH an impact.

however, if your comments are only asking for more fics, then that's not a comment, that's a request (which not all writers take).

saying something like 'hey i loved this fic a lot! if you have more in store for this in the future, i'd be really excited to read it!' is a million times better than 'will you do a part 2'. i know they don't sound that different, but i promise you that the tone makes a big difference.

(i honestly have more thoughts about good ways to get over commenting fear/know what exactly to comment that doesn't feel generic, so if people would like me to make another post about it i'd do it.)

and last but not least, if the writer has a way to donate, like a ko-fi, that always is so appreciated. of course, take care of yourself first, but if you have a few bucks and wanna show some support to your faves, that's a great way to help :)

oh! also, if the writer ever reblogs those little ask game things, just send them something! engagement outside of writing is also so much appreciated.

i think that's about everything i can think of! i hope this is helpful and that my explanations weren't confusing (if i need to clarify anything let me know). and again, thank you so much for asking! even doing that shows that you're a reader who cares, and that means the world ❤

[hufflautia]

Different Love Languages

✨COMMENTS+REBLOGS ARE GREATLY APPRECIATED✨  They motivate me and make me supes happy, so please pretty please reblog and/or comment!! It doesnt even have to be a coherent comment, keysmash if you must! ok fanks go read now and enjoy <3

Summary: Hufflepuff is the type of person to express her love verbally but Slytherin is different; he hardly says “I love you” and Hufflepuff worries that maybe it’s because he doesn’t love her as much as she loves him. Our darling puff will realize that this is simply not the case. People just have different love languages. 

Hufflepuff loved Slytherin. She really did. In fact, she reminded him frequently. 

“I love you,” she chortled during breakfast when Slytherin had cast a spell to make the bacon strips float around in a dancing manner so that she would cheer up after reading depressing news from the Daily Prophet. Another time, she cooed the term of endearment as he held her tightly in his arms, swaying to the sound of music in the background. 

The thing was that Slytherin rarely said “I love you” in the entirety of their relationship. Instead of saying it back to her, he often replied by cupping her cheeks tenderly and leaning in for another kiss. Other times, he responded with a loving smile, his eyes glowing with warmth and infatuation.

It’s not that Hufflepuff thought Slytherin didn’t love her. She could definitely see it in the way that he looked at her, in those stolen glances when he thought she wasn’t looking. She could feel it when he held her close at night, his arms wrapped protectively around her. 

However, a part of her- the small shadow of doubt within her heart that told her that Slytherin didn’t care for her as much as she did for him- just wished for some kind of affirmation, a clear signal that said, “I love you.” 

One day, Hufflepuff and Slytherin sat side by side in Potions class, listening to Professor Slughorn drone on and on about Felix Felicis. She was absentmindedly staring at the board when Slytherin slid his notes in front of her so that she could see the doodle he drew on the side of his paper. 

*Credit: Beastflaps*  

Hufflepuff bit her lip to suppress a laugh and squeezed his hand 3 times.  

Unfamiliar with the motion, Slytherin asked what the squeezes meant.

“It means I love you,” she whispered. Her voice was soft so that Professor Slughorn didn’t overhear their conversation.  

Nevertheless, Slytherin heard every word. A smile tugged at his lips and he immediately squeezed it back. He didn’t just stop there; he repeated the gesture about 6 times- and Potions class hadn’t even ended yet. 

From that day forward, Slytherin constantly told her I love you. Sometimes he squeezed her hand randomly- before he left for Quidditch practice, during breakfast when she passed him a plate of toast, and after he walked her back to the dormitory. 

Aside from that, he would occasionally tap out the gesture with his finger. 

Tap tap tap. 

Hufflepuff looked up from her book and made eye contact with Slytherin from across the room. She knew what it meant. She always did. 

Slytherin said I love you all the time now, more often than Hufflepuff’s verbal “I love you”. 

She realized that he had a different love language from her, and that was ok. It was the love itself that mattered. 

On their wedding day, as the officiant performed the ceremony, Hufflepuff looked up at Slytherin with adoration. “I love you,” she whispered. 

He smiled warmly at her and squeezed her hand four times. 

I love you too. 

~

Based on a true story! If you can’t see the link that I attached, here it is: 

https://www.reddit.com/r/Marriage/comments/ahb1c1/sometimes_i_forget_my_husband_has_a_different/ 

MASTERLIST ~(˘▾˘~) (click my profile to see the pinned post, aka my masterlist, if you cant see the link) 

Author’s note: YAYAY HI!!! DID YOU LIKE THAT?? 

probably yall @ me rn lmaoaoao

You might be wondering why i wrote this one-shot. There was no special occasion this time, I just got a bonk of inspiration one day. also i felt bad for reblogging my ice skating oneshot so much (i did it to respond to other peoples reblogs) and i sent an ask to my favorite fanfic writer, asking her about what happens if i reblog my own work and if it pushes my fanfic up the algorithm, and she answered my question but also said that she usually deletes her reblogs bc her followers would probably get annoyed if they kept seeing the same work over and over again. i felt bad bc i had just done that, and i didnt want yall to constantly see the same fanfic all the time, so i wanted to give u something new. also i was thinking back on that person who said that my writing was sporadic (they werent trying to be mean). Sporadic basically means spaced out and occuring at different intervals. i felt bad bc my writing is definitely spread out by one month for some reason. im not sure what this means for next month bc i never write 2 fanfics in one month. does this mean that i wont write a fanfic for november? hopefully not. ok that sounds sad, im sure it doesnt but who knows bc the college process thingies is killing me 

I wrote out the general details of the story at 1 am one night when i was trying to sleep lmaoao heres a screenshot: 

This is basically how I write for most of my fanfics at first, it consists of the general info along with some specific details.

At first, the one-shot was gonna be a drabble (aka a story that’s only 100 words long) but when I finished writing it, I went to wordcounter to check the number of words and it was 500! i was like oop ok im just gonna call it a oneshot then. i wrote part of the story on sunday morning and then i went to exercise in the park with my sister. afterwards, i wanted to keep working on it but then i became swamped with college stuff so i stopped. i started writing again today (its monday, but im posting it on tuesday, aka today for you- or maybe not if ur not reading this on the day that i posted it) and i surprisingly finished- but that was probably a bad idea to be writing the oneshot during this week because i have a lot of exams, but lets look at the bright side, i finished the story!

I didn’t think of the idea completely on my own. I actually read the reddit story (found it in a thread on insta) a few years ago, and I don’t know why but I was thinking about it that night and I decided to make a one-shot out of it! Isn’t it such a sweet story (the actual story, not this)?? It would be kinda nice if I reached out to the person and said, hey i wrote a story based on you and ur husband! 

Anyways, I just made a meme: 

i didnt actually get up, i just opened the notes app on my phone in the dark and wrote the details down. 

this isn’t related but i made a meme about the ice skating oneshot:

I’m gonna cut the authors note short (i usually write a lot. its funny when u go back and see my authors note in chapter 1 of the slytherpuff series, bc its so so short. wowza, times have rlly changed!) bc i think i have at least 2 exams tomorrow. this is gonna be me when i post this one-shot in the morning: 

bc i have to wake up early and i am most definitely not a morning person:/ OH GOD OK I HAVE TO STUDY NOW- 

Love you all, thank you for reading! TOODELOOOOOOO

Let me know if you want to be added or removed from the tag list!

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[fanfic-scribbles]

Smile

Fandom: MCU Captain America/Avengers

Summary: Bucky gives you some reasons to smile.

Quick facts: Romance – Bucky Barnes/Reader – Female Reader

Warnings: Fluff, puns, cheesy jokes, so cheesy

Words: 3344

A/N: I’m going to admit it upfront, about 40 percent of the time spent on this fic was spent on writing it. The other 60 percent was spent on finding the jokes. Also, this story is semi-inspired by the fact that my face is not nearly as expressive as it feels (I basically look like the polite cat meme when I really try and I can’t do it for long before my face hurts too much) so this goes out to other people who get accused of resting bitch/asshole face. And get written up for it. Anyway, please enjoy this goofy little Bucky/Reader get together.

  ~

‘How do you make a tissue dance?’

‘Put a little boogie in it.’

Bucky snorts and coughs when he accidentally breathes coffee instead of air. ‘That’s disgusting,’ he texts back but Sam just replies with an obnoxious smiling face. Bucky shakes his head and goes back to his coffee. It’s actually not so terrible today.

He doesn’t hang out in a dive, but this coffee shop is a type of quiet he almost never sees in the city. It’s too far from the tourism path for convenience and just outside the neighborhood purview where there are many other local (better) favorites. It’s clean enough and decently sized, but it’s decorated like it was supposed to be trendy ten years ago and the place is barely staffed, to match its perpetually nigh-empty interior. There was a short-lived attempt at hiring another person, but after a ridiculous amount of turnover the owners, or whoever, apparently cut their losses and the only constants that remain are Bucky, the lone customer, you, the person actually working the counter, and your manager.

You’re nice. You always speak kindly to Bucky and, when you think you can sneak it, upsize his cup without comment or charge. Also, one time when his glove broke and slipped off, you hadn’t even commented on the arm; you’d even helped him stop panicking enough to see it hadn’t gone far and helped secure it temporarily with a rubber band.

Your manager, meanwhile, is a dick who glares at Bucky and once made a snide comment about him leaning too close to the register, and only talks to you in demanding barks. Like now– but the five minute “hushed” conversation is winding down and soon it will be safe for Bucky to go get his refill.

“I’m writing you up,” the manager says.

You jerk back in shock. “For not smiling enough?”

“It’s what we got marked down for, it’s what’s going on your record,” he says, turns on his heel, and retreats into the back to do jack shit. Bucky glares at his back as he goes. His harsh expression turns to a milder frown when he looks at you, hunched over and staring at the counter with a dead expression on your face.

He looks at his phone, looks at his empty coffee cup, and makes a quick decision.

“Can I get a refill?” he asks when he’s in front of you, startling you out of your stagnant misery. You look up at Bucky and after a second force an unnatural smile on your face. He winces on your behalf.

“Of course,” you say softly, and turn to refill the cup.

When you hand it back to him Bucky shuffles, hesitates, but finally asks, “Why are colds bad criminals?”

You blink. “Uh…why?”

“Because they’re easy to catch.”

You blink again, and then let out a startled laugh. Bucky smiles slightly at the sound, and smiles more at the more natural, smaller turn of your lips as you say, “That’s…that’s a good one.”

“It’s pretty terrible.”

“All the best ones are,” you say, and the door chimes making Bucky break away. But as he watches you talk to the delivery man like normal he nods to himself. He leaves with his coffee to start the day and fires a quick text to Sam: ‘Where do you get your dumb jokes?’

~

The next day when the door chimes and you see your one regular customer, you let yourself smile a lot more naturally than you have been. Your face is starting to hurt and your boss is probably napping in the back, so you take the chance to relax.

“Hi,” you say. “The usual?”

“Please,” he says, polite as ever as he hands you exact change and you go to fix his cup. When you bring it back he asks, “What did the fish say when he swam into a wall?”

“What?”

“Dam.”

You giggle despite yourself. Bucky’s smile is small and guarded, but you haven’t had a moment yet where you haven’t been grateful to see it. Maybe this ‘smiling’ business is all it’s cracked up to be. If only it didn’t hurt your cheeks so much.

But as he tips his cup to you and goes to his favorite corner, you find you don’t mind the ache as much.

~

Every time he comes in now, he brings a new joke.

“What do you call a fake noodle?”

“An im-pasta.”

“What does a clock do when it’s hungry?”

“It goes back four seconds.”

“Why did the bike fall over?”

“It was two tired.”

The delivery is fairly flat but there’s always at least the hint of a smile and, you don’t know, it might be his absolute seriousness that sells it, because every one of them raises your spirits. You don’t know why he’s suddenly telling you jokes. For anyone else you might think they’re flirting, but you don’t get that impression here. He’s handsome, always looks put-together in quality clothes even if they seem picked for comfort over anything else, and even before this he has always been unfailingly polite. If he wants someone, he has to have someone just as lovely. Right?

You can’t help but think about it even after he comes back. And the wonderfully terrible jokes, thankfully, don’t stop.

“Why did the mushroom go to the party?”

You keep pouring the coffee while you ponder an answer. “I don’t know,” you decide and lift your head as you hand Bucky his drink.

The way he smiles is very fetching– not quite a smirk, it’s a little too unsure for that, but it tilts up to the side and gives him a boyish charm that would make anyone weak in the knees. “Because he was a fungi.”

It makes a smile big enough for you to feel, but considering how self-conscious you are now you quickly tell him, “I liked that.”

“I know,” he says. “You smiled.”

“You can tell?” Maybe you aren’t as bad off as you thought. Or maybe he’s just being nice. But he seems honest, and he nods decisively.

“I get not being the most…expressive.” He shrugs. “But anyone can still see it, if they look.”

The implication that he cares enough to look stuns you both to silence. He ducks his head shyly and lifts his coffee cup in thanks before retreating to his corner. When you finally have working vocal cords again you say, “Have a nice day.” It might be the first time you’ve ever really meant it.

~

“What’s the opposite of coffee?”

Bucky’s eyes widen and narrow in quick succession as he goes from surprise to contemplation. He weighs your question with all the dramatic seriousness you could hope for before he says, “I don’t know. What is the opposite of coffee?”

You grin when you say, “Sneezy.”

His smile is bright and he nods his head. “Not bad, not bad.” He leans on the counter, looking more relaxed than you’ve ever seen him. It’s…shockingly warming. You have to remind yourself not to get too close. He showed up out of the blue and he can be gone just as quickly. Just because he’s nice doesn’t mean he has any attachment here. In fact, you hope he doesn’t– you’d question his sanity otherwise. “Why did Mozart hate chickens?”

“I don’t know,” you say, eager to hear the answer.

“Because when he asked them for their favorite composer, they said, “Bach! Bach! Bach!’”

You laugh– that is, of course, when your supervisor pokes his head out of the back and scowls at you. He should be happy that you’re ‘smiling enough’ but you know full well anything you do is never going to be good. You freeze whatever expression is on your face as Bucky’s mood darkens and your heart sinks. “Enjoy your coffee,” you say, infusing meaning into every word. That ekes out a small imitation of a smile as Bucky raises his cup and goes to his seat.

Your supervisor starts to stalk over to you but you are saved by the sudden ringing of a phone, and he blessedly turns on his heel and goes to answer.

You sigh and start cleaning up the counter. Bucky is in his corner, hunched over and quiet as usual. He looks fine, but you feel bad for the interruption, even though you get the impression he understands. Still, this is one nice thing you’ve had in this otherwise miserable job and you’re not going to lose yet one more good person to your superior’s shitty attitude.

You push out a roll of receipt paper, scribble ‘Why did the espresso keep checking his watch?’ on it, and stick it in your apron. You walk over to wipe down an untouched table and, before heading back, make a little detour to drop it next to Bucky’s arm. He grabs the paper as you’re scooting away (plausible deniability in case your boss comes out) but it isn’t until you’re back behind the counter that you realize what that just looked like. Does he think you just dropped your number? He hasn’t opened it yet. Is he trying to figure out a way to let you down? You suddenly regret playing into this so much; he was just trying to be nice, he probably didn’t expect you to latch onto it so–

He opens the paper, reads it, and shoots you a little smirk. You breathe a sigh of relief and mindlessly wipe things down and rearrange well-organized creamers and straws until Bucky comes up for his customary pre-leaving refill. You’re a little disheartened it’s that time already, but it means you’re that much closer to the end of your shift, at least.

“Why?” Bucky asks quietly. It takes you a second before you remember the receipt paper and you surreptitiously check the back to see the door is closed.

“Because he was pressed for time,” you say quietly as you hand back his cup.

He chuckles. “I like it,” he says and takes a sip. “Thanks,” he adds as expected, but then he winks and you…you just stare at him as he leaves.

Should you have dropped your number?

~

A few days later, Bucky is caught off his guard and pays for it.

“What’s this?”

Bucky doesn’t get to his coffee cup fast enough and Sam snatches it and reads. “Sam,” Bucky grumbles but there it is, Sam’s eyes go wide and he turns that stare on Bucky. “Don’t look at me like that,” Bucky snaps and snatches his drink back.

“You’ve been using my jokes to hit on a dorky barista?” Sam asks and follows him across the room.

“I’ve been using jokes from the site you steal yours from to share with the nice woman who makes my coffee,” Bucky says and sits in a chair. He never stays for Sam’s group VA sessions and he should have left sooner, damn it. “I wouldn’t use yours. They’re gross.”

“Potentially inappropriate for a lady,” Sam says. Bucky opens his mouth to argue but, no, that’s exactly it, even though Sam’s tone implies something completely different from what Bucky would have said. “What’s her name?”

“Bucky?”

Steve has never been more of an actual hero to Bucky than he is right now. Right on time to walk back home with Bucky, Steve wanders in, sees the two of them, and stops. “Oh, should I…”

“Let’s g–” Bucky is immediately stopped by Sam’s hand on his shoulder.

“Bucky’s got his eyes on someone,” Sam says, immediately centering himself as Bucky’s most hated arch-nemesis.

…Okay, maybe not, but if Bucky didn’t have real problems he would be.

“I do not,” Bucky grumbles, because he knows it’s pointless and Steve is immediately sitting in front of them and leaning in like he’s the last girl at the sleepover.

“Really Buck? That’s great!” Steve says. “Have you…are you going to make a move?”

“No,” Bucky says and quickly runs down the situation, hoping that it will clear things up but knowing his friends too well. Indeed, Sam and Steve share smirks before looking at him again.

“You’re a real hero,” Sam says, only partly joking.

“I hate you,” Bucky says, ducking his head down. He doesn’t really blush anymore, if he ever did, but the motion is instinctive.

“You don’t.”

“I wish I did.”

Steve grins, as does Sam, and Bucky wants to duck into a hole. Goddamn mother hens, they’re going to want to–

“Should we come by?” Sam asks and leans back in his chair. “Be real wingmen?”

“No,” Bucky says, harsher than he means to. Sam and Steve don’t look bothered– they’ve weathered worse emotional snaps than that– but they wait for him to explain and Bucky doesn’t know if he can. Because what if this is leading to something? Is he ready for that? He thinks he might like you, but would he be okay putting in the effort of getting to know you? What if he can’t handle it? What if Steve and Sam walk in and they’re all you see? Both of them are plenty distracting, and charming, while Bucky can hardly put one foot in front of the other, some days. And what if this isn’t leading to anything, you’re just nice, and it’s nice, but Sam and Steve find out and look at him with all the pity they can muster?

“I just…want to see it through. On my own. Whatever this is.” ‘Or could be’ he leaves unspoken, because hoping for anything still feels like too much.

“Okay,” Sam says first, because of course he does, but Steve nods along quickly. It’s enough to make Bucky exhale deeply and relax muscles he didn’t know he had tensed. He rolls his eyes and stands up to cover for it.

“You’ll keep us updated though, right?” Sam asks, an easy grin on his face as he lounges in the chair.

“Like I’ll be able to avoid it,” Bucky mutters, finishes his drink, and lets Sam know they’re okay by throwing the empty cup at his head.

~

The fact that you’re running out of coffee-related jokes is stressing you out. You wanted to keep on theme but too many more days of this and you’ll be scouring the internet for whatever jokes Bucky hasn’t used yet. There are some coffee-related puns, but…the ones you like carry a romantic hint to them, and you were hoping to save those in case Bucky showed any interest. So far you haven’t picked up on anything, but you’re also very oblivious, and your roommate thinks you’re an idiot and he’s obviously into you.

But he might not be.

You do what you’ve been doing since your boss snarked at you about flirting on the clock and get Bucky’s cup ready with maybe your favorite joke.

‘How did the hipster burn his tongue?

He drank his coffee before it was cool.’

And smile proudly at it. Your small handwriting is getting better– Bucky barely has to squint at it this time, and he gives you a conspirator’s smile when he slides his twenty-dollar bill across the counter at you, with the neatest print writing along the margins.

‘What do you call an alligator detective?

An investi-gator.’

It’s cute and you snicker to yourself as you gather his change and place it gently in his gloved hand. He doesn’t retreat to his corner right away, though, and shuffles in place. “I was…I just wanted to say…” But then his eyes glance to your side and his face freezes in an unfortunately familiar way. “Thank you for the coffee,” he says woodenly and raises his cup just so.

“Of course. Have a nice day,” you say as robotically as possible and watch him go. Your supervisor clears his throat pointedly and you pretend like the place isn’t as clean as it was since the last time you went around. But now you’re thinking. About how awkward Bucky looked, and how he mentioned wanting to say something…maybe…maybe he is open. To you. Potentially.

Tomorrow, you decide with a thrill of nauseating adrenaline. Tomorrow you’re going to bring it up.

~

The next day you arrive at the shop at your usual time in the pre-dawn cold only to find an extra padlock on the door and a note in the window.

You stare, dumbfounded, and read the note. You read it again. And again.

‘Out of Business.’

But nobody called you.

You immediately grab your phone and dial your supervisor’s number. When he doesn’t pick up you call it again because this cannot be real. The job was shit but it was a job, and you knew what to expect, and you’ll never see Bucky again, will you?

It takes almost half an hour for the asshole to pick up– or maybe more, as the sun is starting to show up– and upon answering, he snaps, “What?!”

“What happened?” you ask, just as unkindly.

Your boss grumbles unintelligibly but you wait. “Did you see the sign?”

“I was working yesterday; no one mentioned anything about this.”

“Corporate called last night.” He yawns loudly. “I tried to call you.”

That’s a lie if you’ve ever heard one, but your tongue gets tripped up in anger and he says, “Sorry but there’s no room at the other branches for you, your last check is in the mail,” and hangs up.

You stand there for a while, trying to blink away tears at the sudden upheaval of your life. You should have found a replacement job while you had a chance. You should have asked your co-workers where they were going. You should have given Bucky your number.

You stand there for a little while, debating spending money you shouldn’t on a nice breakfast to wallow in, when the sound of footsteps coming up behind you makes you turn around.

“Oh, Bucky,” you say and rub your face. You think you’ve managed to hold it in, but it’s chilly and any exposed skin feels frozen.

“What’s going on?” he asks and peers around you at the note.

“Um…” You gesture uselessly. “Apparently this location is no longer in business. Just found out.”

Bucky’s jaw drops. “That asshole didn’t even call you?!”

The amount of anger on your behalf startles you. Startles both of you, actually, but just as he’s about to say something you laugh and say, “At least that asshole isn’t my problem anymore.” You sigh. You have savings, and the other job, and there’s always some other crappy job waiting for someone like you. But there’s something here that won’t be, and you pull out your phone and start typing. “Um…Bucky…there’s something I wanted to say to you. But it’s hard to say.”

“Okay?” he asks. You squeeze your eyes tight, brace yourself for impending rejection, and hold out your phone.

‘I like you a latte,’ followed by your phone number, hopefully gets the point across. After a few seconds your phone buzzes and you jump and bring it back, hoping no one texted you anything terrible while Bucky was staring at your phone.

It’s a new number, and the text reads, ‘It’s hard to espresso my feelings for you.’

You look up at him and he’s smiling, mouth parted slightly, and you start smiling so hard your cheeks hurt. But it’s okay. “I only had two more coffee jokes left before that line,” you confess and save his name to his number.

“Maybe you can tell them to me over breakfast? My treat,” he says and extends his arm.

You don’t even have to think about it. “Your treat this time,” you say, and link your arm with his. “In return, I’m going to show you where to get some good coffee.”

“Oh I don’t know,” he smirks at you. “The last place had its perks.”

Lacking a good comeback, you push your face into his shoulder to muffle your laughter. He leans into you, and doesn’t pull away even when you’ve gotten under control.

It’s the beginning of a brew-tiful relationship.