#but do not ask me to remember what account name or password I used

[mariana-oconnor]

Me: trying to access the AO3_Status twitter to see what's going on

Twitter: Ahem, excuse me, do you have an account.

Me: Guess there's just no way of ever finding out.

¯\_(ツ)_/¯

[cho-aaacho]

(Hc's) Gamer Boyfriend! Gojo Satoru

Masterlist

Tags : Teen Gojo, Gamer Gojo, Classmate Gojo, Soft Gojo, Secret Crush, Best Friends to Lovers, Idiots in Love, Reader is Genderless.

The first time you met Gojo Satoru, you thought he was a typical basketball captain with a sunny aura emanating from him. He rarely talks to any other classmate; come on, he's so popular.

At that time, it was a nice summer in Tokyo. You and Shoko were cleaning the class, and he suddenly approached you, patted your shoulder, squeezed them a bit, and asked, "What is your Game ID?"

"Excuse me? I don't play such games, Gojo-kun."

"I'll teach you."

Such a weird boy, to be honest.

He brings two PSPs to school so you can play with him during lunch break.

"You know it's illegal to bring a console to school, Gojo-kun."

"Well, I have permission from Yaga-sensei. He gifted me that PSP as my birthday present. Hey, watch out; you'll lose."

He memorized all the gaming YouTubers' names along with their most-watched videos.

He wears a headband while playing games.

He is the leader of a gaming community's gang. It wasn't a bad gang; it was just a group of gamers who loved to share their interests.

He can spend 13 hours playing games on weekends, and he'll come out of his room only when his dad yells at him or when you visit his home.

Sleeping in class has become a habit for him. When he does that, he'll snuggle on your lap to hide his face from Yaga-sensei.

But Yaga-sensei always caught him.

His favorite song is Resident Evil—The Save Room, and he'll play that song while cleaning the classroom.

He always messages you when he's ready to play games. It almost makes you dizzy because he always spams you when you don't reply to him.

Despite how bad you are at the game, he'll teach you patience, talking in soft tones while guiding you step by step.

He rarely opens the mic, but when he does, he'll mock the other players and say how bad they are at the game. He's so aggressive, but you find it cute because he always tries his best not to include you.

"You're my best friend. I would never hurt you. Our team is just stupid; let's play another game, shall we?"

He loves Manga Cafes so much. He always invited you to join him and read all his recommendations.

"This manga is so good, but the MC is so lame and stupid."

Gladly to holding your hands in Akiba and making sure you don't fall or bump into someone else. His palm is so warm and big.

His mom loves you, and whenever he invites you to his mom, Mrs. Gojo will give you a nice and delicious cake along with expensive tea.

"Where's Satoru?" — Geto Suguru.

"He's in the manga cafes, I guess." — Ieiri Shoko.

Absent from school has been your weekly activity with him. But he doesn't want Yaga-sensei to catch you two. So you'll spend your time at his home, eating cake or ice cream, playing games, and taking a nap.

Of course, he didn't do anything else besides playing games or napping. He's a gentleman, after all. A good boy.

You can find him on Reddit.

He uses a combination of your name and his as a password for his computer, he even changes his Game ID to that.

He never cheats at games.

He is an admin of a Discord server and is talking about an underrated game.

"Hey, I know you and Satoru are close like a flower and water. But make sure to not miss my class, okay?" —Yaga-sensei

He hates Gacha games so much. He thought it wasn't a game at all. "My gacha luck is so bad this month. Oh, damn."

He has two different Twitter accounts. One with a cute avatar and only follows you. The other one he uses to share his gaming progress.

Gojo may be in love with you. Because every time you interact with someone else on the Discord server, he'll kick them; remember, he's an admin.

He loves to lean his head against your chest while playing games, and when he falls asleep, you let him be. He’s so dramatic but cute at the same time.

"Hey, I know it sounds crazy and lame, but hear me out. I don't know what will happen to us when we graduate. But I want to be your gaming buddy until we are old. Even if I have dementia, I will find another way to remember you."

"I want to spend my life with you, not only to play games but also to do everything with you. Because I love you."

[lemonflavoreddishsoap]

no one asked for this but I'm writing it anyway. Also time doesn't exist in this thing, that or Ghiaccio's computer time travelled

Ghiaccio with an S/O who plays Papa's Freezeria on his computer

---------------------------------------------------------------------

This was it. The biggest step in your relationship thus far. No, not marriage.

Ghiaccio agreed to share his computer with you.

You didn't have one of your own and amongst other expenses you just never got around to buying one. So, with a lot of deliberation and building trust, he sent you a message saying that you could make an account on his. You would have to wait until he got home though, so he could show you how.

Unfortunately, you either didn't read or disregarded that last part of the message, and with a childlike glee flung yourself to his desk, loudly click clacking the keys and brute forcing your way into figuring out his password. You must have woken it up from it's sleep because there was nothing open when you got in. Then, you sat back and tapped your chin for a while...what exactly were you going to do first?

Then, like a prophetic vision from God, a wave of nostalgia brushed across your body, making you literally shiver. A flash of color and music and ice cream played in your mind. The name "Papa..." escaped your lips in a longing sigh.

In a flash, you've got google open, searching up Coolmathgames. Holy shit. HOLY SHIT. THE LINK IS PURPLE. Racing through the website, briefly noticing an account signed in, and nearly breaking the mouse as you clicked on the link for "Papa's Freezeria".

....HE HAS A SAVE FILE!! RANK 20!??? When the hell does he have the time to play this??

Despite your sense of curiosity absolutely HOWLING, you knew you had already snooped more than enough, so making your own save file it is, you suppose.

-

Has it been an hour? Maybe two? Who knows, there's no use in me asking anyways because the time certainly hasn't crossed your mind. You're glued to the game, having a nearly perfected strategy executed with each and every cartoon-y costumer. You probably don't even remember whose computer you're playing on - this reality and the reality of Freezeria have entirely merged to you.

At least, that's the case before you feel one hand clamp down on the back of your chair, and another landing on top of your own hand that's gripping the mouse.

"I thought I told you to wait?"

Ghiaccio is clearly restraining himself, there's a rasp in his voice that you only hear when he's giving his all to not shout. Your lips are sealed shut, unsure how to justify your current situation. He must have then taken a good look at the screen because next thing he said was-

"And why the FUCK are you playing THAT!?"

Shit, you legit didn't have an answer. As he's standing there giving you a weirded out look, you remember the hypocrisy in his anger. You stutter wildly, still trying to reach for some explanation, as you duplicate the tab to start the game again - you swear you see his face drop. You point at his save file with a "huh!!" sound, and suddenly he's red in the face, hand retreating from on top of yours as if the contact suddenly burned him.

"Fine!! Whatever. Just finish the fuck up and..." he groans. It always feels good to embarrass him, and plus you know he can never stay mad at you for long.

"I will, I'm almost done with this day. Last order," you promise, clicking back to your original tab and getting right back to work. Ghiaccio has nothing else to do but stand and watch you play. What you don't see is his face slowly contorting in disgust as you sloppily dump toppings over the dessert.

"That's not how you place the cherries!!! That one's supposed to be centered, and the other two have to be NEATLY placed apart! They're gonna fucking hate it!" Ghiaccio exclaims, stabbing the screen with his index finger. You roll your eyes, it definitely doesn't surprise you that he's a perfectionist in this video game.

You both watch in anticipation as the costumer tastes their ice cream, and when a 72% score appears over the "top station" button you let out a cheer. You swivel your chair to face Ghiaccio and gesture to the screen, "see? they liked it!!"

He scoffs at the score, "it sure wasn't deserved."

"What!?" you put a hand on your chest in fake-hurt, "how dare you. Louie would never treat me like this!!"

Ghiaccio blinks at you with wide eyes, needing several long seconds to process what you just said.

"...Since when were you on a one-name basis with Papa Louie!?"

[chaoticloving]

aftermath

harry styles x actress!reader

summary: harry and y/n not only deal with being hungover, but their personal lives not being so personal anymore. harry feels guilty--and a little in love too. (see masterlist for universe summary <3)

w/c: 3k

w: hungoverness (?), spelling errors (sorry english isn't my first language), like two suggestive jokes--smut in future chapters

a/n: first of all 1k notes on the first installment?!?! thank you all so much, that's crazy!! also you do not need to read the previous 'chapter' to understand this, but it would make more sense if you do (and I would also appreciate it)!

masterlist

Feb 2012…still

Harry slept like he never did before. He can’t quite remember his dreams when he gets violently woken up by Niall, but he remembers what he felt during his sleep. He had his own little theories of what he was dreaming about, more like who he was dreaming of, but he doesn't have to tell Niall that–who has a shit-faced smirk on his face.

“Why the fuck did you have to wake me like that?” Harry groans, looking at his surroundings and realizing they are in what appears to be in Zayn’s hotel room, judging from the amount of his clothing littered throughout the room. “What’s your problem, huh?”

“I was just curious about who your little friend is from last night.” The blond chided, practically tearing the raggedy blanket that was on its last leg off from Harry. “You have to give me the details.”

“H-how do you know about her?” Harry’s voice littered with sleep as his eyes just got accustomed to the light. 

“I went on Instagram like everyone else and saw your post–”

Harry practically jumped off from the cold hardwood hotel floor and searched the large room for his phone. When he finally found it, his hands were shaking as he typed in his password and clicked the little instagram app icon. His notifications were flooded more than usual, but he checked his account and saw he had one post, and it was all too familiar. 

Harry isn’t that active on social media from a posting standpoint, he only really consumes. Occasionally, he will steal one of his friends' phones and type some random stuff and post it but that was mainly on Twitter and nothing personal would be shown; just some random words that made the victim of one of his pranks seem drunk. But he never posted from his account.

Until now, apparently. 

He clicked on the photo and it was the same photo that he took of him and Y/n last night. Y/n had a growing smile on her face while Harry’s smile completely showed all of his teeth–it was a silly photo of just friends, hopefully that's what the media would think; but Harry wasn't so optimistic. 

Harry was still getting used to the fame and all of the attention. It could be positive, or more times than not it would be negative, and as scared as he is to go on online to see what people are saying, he is more concerned with Y/n. 

He clicked on her profile, and it was nice. A little hectic yet somehow professional–clearly used by Y/n. He clicked the follow button, but figured that's not as dramatic as the photo.

He did an ass move and posted a photo of them together–he knows that she knows what people would think, nothing could stir up more drama then that; especially with that being the first and only photo he’s ever posted on his very public account that is gaining new followers this second. 

The new wave of followers seemed to be fan accounts of her. A significant portion had Y/n’s name in the username and the others seemed to be fan accounts of The Hunger Games and Les Miserable–most of which had her as the main focus of their account. But what surprised him the most were accounts with both of her name and his name together. It made him blush and almost forget Niall was in the room with him. 

“Are you lookin’ at the photo of you two?” Nail asked, peering over Harry’s shoulder to instead find him creeping on accounts that weren’t just fan pages of one of them, but of both of them together. “They’re makin’ edits of you guys already, Jesus, do these people ever sleep?”

“Shut up.” Was all Harry could say in his embarrassed voice. 

“Sad thing is you didn’t even introduce us.” Niall tutted. “Can’t wait to tell her about that sock I found--” 

“I didn’t mean to post this.” Harry admitted, going to his contacts to text her after it really sunk in what he had done. 

“Well obviously.” Naill laughed. “That's what's great about it–”

“No seriously, she’s gonna hate me.” Harry started panicking, writing out this long apology text to Y/n, explaining how he didn’t mean to post that photo of you two and how he is so sorry for all of the hell breaking loose. He couldn’t even imagine what she was going through right now. 

“I just met her last night and we just talked. I didn’t ask her to date or anything–”

“Get your asses up! We gotta leave in thirty!” They heard Liam shout through the door. Harry was terrified as he pushed send without reading the text over beforehand. And of course he embarrassed himself further by finding at least five typos within the first third of the message. 

“She’s going to hate me forever, Niall.” Harry whined, genuinely on the verge of crying which would only make his hangover worse and cause him to spiral. He leaned into his friend and Niall had to hold back a laugh.

“It’s cool man. I’m sure she completely understands that it’s a harmless photo–”

“But it’s not!” He groans. Niall, having enough of Harry’s behavior, snatches his phone away. “Give it back.”

“No. You need to focus.” Naill says. “I know you and you’ll end up being all whiney and not being able to work today.” Naill heads towards the door, keeping Harry’s phone out of reach. 

“But–”

“Go cry in the bathroom and get changed. I’m not letting you have this back until you’ve gotten out of this.”

\\

Y/n woke up completely hungover from the night before, not to mention she barely got any sleep last night. As she snuck back to her hotel and nearly collapsed when she saw her bed, not bothering to charge her phone, causing it to be dead by the time she woke up. Luckly, her manual alarm woke her up for wardrobe

She changed into comfy clothes that she knew she would be changing out of soon enough, and left for the set. The hotel was rented out for the cast and crew of Les Miserable as it was right on set and such a convenience for everyone, but that meant that everyone could see Y/n making her way out to set if they were up. 

She got a couple of glances as she was on her way out, she assumed it was because they knew she snuck out. There was no rule saying that cast and crew members couldn’t leave site, but what ever they did couldn't infringe on their contract; Y/n still made an effort to not make her leave too noticeable out of guilt and knowing that it could possibly lead to an unpleasant rumor about herself. But she was on time and normal, just hungover. 

She was relieved to find a dear friend of hers, Helena Bonham Carter, in wardrobe as well. She was like an on-set mother to Y/n, always so caring and nice to her but gave her tips and advice for where she could improve–they were given with all of the kindness in the world so Y/n never minded. 

Helena smiled when she saw Y/n walk in. “Hello lovely.” She quickly engulfed Y/n in a hug then pulled back, slightly frowning. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing, just tired and I have this headache–”

“From that party right?” Y/n sighed as Helena said that. She didn’t know how she–and what seemed like everyone–found out, but Y/n wasn't surprised.

“How do you know I went out?” Y/n asked her eyes scanning the room incase of any listening ears. 

“Your little boyfriends post–”

“What boyfriend?” Y/n nervously laughed. She was nervous as first of all, whoever this boyfriend was, and second, what did they post of her. A part of Y/n thought Liam had posted something, not that she remembered being with him or his phone pointed towards her. The old time she knew that there was a photo of her taken was with Harry.

“The singing guy in the boy band. The one with the sideswept lego hair–”

“Harry?” 

“Yes, and you two make a cute couple. Don’t know why you were curling his hair though, it seemed curly enough.”

“Does everyone here know?” Y/n asked Helena and she thought about it then nodded. “God.”

“Lots of online articles have been circulating, hun. Especially since you have the Hunger Games movie coming out next month which makes you more relevant and your boyfriends going on tour–”

“He’s not my boyfriend.” She sighed. “Can I see your phone? Mines dead.”

Helena nodded and gave it to the nervous girl infront of her. She placed her arm on Y/n’s shoulder in support as Y/n typed in her name along with Harry Styles. So much came up.

The first article said that they’re now dating, but apparently for the past few years. Another said they were engaged and so did the following one. A bunch of stereotypical rumors–some included pregnancy, which she was not looking forward to denying it to her parents and having that conversation–but there was one in particular that caught her eye. 

Wanna-be star Y/n is now dating One direction heartthrob Harry Styles as a weak attempt to rise to fame!

That pissed Y/n off. If anything, Harry would be using her for fame, because as of right now, she is worth way more as he is. But even that was beside the point, she looked at the photo again and they both seemed to be happy, and maybe sort of in love–how could that one interaction prove that she is using him for fame?

“Maybe I should take that back…” Helena pried her phone away from Y/n’s hand as the young girl stared off into space, lost in thought. “Sweetie, you should go get into costume and practice your lines.”

Helena ushered Y/n off to the waiting crew member to get her into costume as she just went along, too stunned to do much.

Like usual, the day was long. So long in fact, she hasn't been able to sneak away to her room and charge her phone. A part of her didn’t want to see all of her notifications on her phone though. She didn’t want to talk to her friends and family about it, quite frankly she just wanted to sit with Marmalade and Sugar in her flat in London, maybe have a chat with her close friend Alex who is currently pet-sitting them--some ice cream would be nice too. 

But she pushes through the day looking like she’s been dragged through the dirt–while presumably being dragged online for a harmless photo. When she finally can leave, she practically sprints up to the room. She opens the door then slams it shut behind her. She plugs her phone in and then goes into the bathroom to have a shower and try to destress.

It was late, and she must’ve yawned hundreds of times in the shower as she rubbed all of the prosthetic dirt off of her face and body. She reluctantly left the warmth of the shower, dried her body and hair then did her face routine. It all went quicker than she would’ve liked, because she knew that she had to go on her phone and that would be a problem of itself. 

She settles in the comfort of her home away from home bed and preps for the worst.

Her phone is charged and she is terrified.

The first thing she sees is an alarming amount of missed calls along with her voicemail overflowing from calls from her siblings and parents. Her messages were the same. But she procrastinated going through those, instead she went to instagram. Of course she looked up Harry and saw that he was following her so she followed back–she does hope they are friends after all, although Y/n would understand that this situation wouldn’t make the best start. She clicked on the photo and smiled; he did look pretty, she would like to see him smile like that again–in person.

She made the mistake of looking at the comments. Some were in shock, others were compliments, and of course, the rest were plain rude. She did what was best for her and closed out of the app, now moving onto the next challenge. 

She got back to her PR team first, all who said that the photo was really harmless and they could make a statement if that was what Y/n wanted. She thanked Vivian, the head of the team, and texted that if it didn’t die down within the next week then she would consider it. She then texted Alex, who she assured that it meant nothing and would call when she felt like she could breathe.

Y/n reluctantly texted her family in a groupchat, saying that she was not seeing anyone and all rumors are false–she just made a friend and took a funny photo with them. She also ignored their individual messages, not bothering to read them.

The last thing she saw were messages from an unknown number. They had awful spelling and were incoherent but so clearly from the boy who got them into this mess. 

She was stopped when a call came through. She answered when she saw the familiar number.

“Y/n?”

“Harry?” 

“Oh my god, I am so so sorry for gettin’ you in this drama. I completely understand if you don’t want to talk or be near me again–”

“Harry, calm down. I am not mad at you.” Y/n interrupted him when sense rambling coming.

Harry whined on the other end of the call. “But I posted the photo, a-and now some magazine thinks we’re having fucking twins–”

“That isn’t your fault.” She reminded him, then sighed. “Look, I am not happy about this at all. I don’t like being called a gold digger and having these rumors circulate; but there is nothing we can do.”

“I can take the photo down, Louis might have to help me though because apparently I keep fucking everything up.” He groaned, pushing his head into his pillow on the bed; currently on his way to the next site for practice in northern England. “What can I do to make you feel better?”

Y/n didn’t really know what to say. Honestly, she would like his company and everyone to forget about the photo, but there was nothing realistic he had to offer. She did appreciate the sentiment though. 

“Maybe you can just talk.” She asked, albeit, in a softer voice than before. “Talking helped me sleep last time, and–I think we just need a distraction.”

Harry was a little stunned, but that didn’t stop the smile on his face. “Yeah, so today I woke up with the worst hangover ever. Then proceeded to go to rehearsals and then get shimmed into the tour bus with Niall who conveniently forgot to shower after dancing for like two hours straight–swear I can smell him from here.”

“Are you on the bus now?”

“Yeah, think we’re goin to some studio in Manchester–”

“That’s close to where you grew up right?” 

“Yeah, wait, how did you know?” He smiled when she said that–did she look him up? He thought it would make it even since he looked up Y/n.

“No, just from your accent. Got Sugar from up there.” She chuckled. 

"Sugar is the cat, right?"

"Yup."

"Knew it." He chided. “I gotta admit; I'm a little sad you didn't look me up.”

“Have you looked me up?” She asked charmingly, and of course, it made Harry’s face turn red. 

“Uh, no?” He was tired, but Y/n hummed an okay that got Harry to crack. “Okay, so I might have looked you up on instagram and might have creeped on your page.”

“Anything else?”

“Might’ve watched a few clips of you actin’.” He tried to shrug it off, but he really didn’t want to end up confessing he read her whole wiki page–grant it, it’s not super long, but he was curious and truly fascinated by her; he couldn’t wait to get to know more about her.

“Well, what did you think?” Y/n thinks she knows what clips he’s talking about. Most likely leaked scenes from Les Mis that she knew were circulating, or it was the trailers for the movies–either way she’s flattered. 

“Enough to know you deserve a Grammy.”

“You mean an Oscar?” She laughed and Harry just sighed and internally yelled at himself.

“If you have music on the brain you can focus on that if you wa–”

“No! I really like this little late night talkin sesh. Very nice to talk to you.” He admits, sweat now starting to form on his forehead. This was being bold, even for him. “I also just want to make you happy. I know everything is going to be shit for the next couple of days.”

“Ugh, we just need to wait till some other celebrity posts nudes or something.” She groaned, making Harry smile. “But you’re right, this just needs to blow over.”

“Wish I was around to make you feel better.” He sighed, rubbing his eyes, but that’s when an idea popped into his head. “Hey, um, I don't know if this is too soon but when are you done filming?” He asks, biting his lip.

“I think in March, why?”

“You should come to one of our concerts in April then, we’re taking a break from touring till then but I’m gonna be doin all of this work but I would like to see you soon, if you’re okay with that.”

Harry's heart stoped while he waited for an answer.

“Definitely, we are just starting reshoots and Tom doesn’t think there will be much to do.” She told him excitedly. “Where is it?”

“Sydney…”

She paused. “As in Sydney, Australia?”

“Yup.”

Another pause. “Y’know what, sure.”

“Really? I can send travel plans now if you want–”

“That can wait for tomorrow. Just tell me I’m not going to regret flying out there for a One Direction concert.”

“Thought you were flying out for me?” Harry said with faux sadness. 

“What do you mean? I've always been a die hard Directioner.”

"Really?"

"Yeah." She smiles. "Ever since I saw they had this really cute member with curly hair, I've been obsessed."

Harry blushed, his cheeks feeling warm. "As someone who is in One Direction, can I tell you something?"

"Sure."

"The one with curly hair thinks you're cute too."

taglist (send an ask if u want to be added):

@uhuhuh

please share and tell me what you think! <3

[spacemonkeysalsa]

Appetites

(Angst and fluff and smut)

It's been five years since the Vampire Ascendant Astarion helped save Baldur's Gate. He has everything he ever wanted, and he's miserable.

Isolde is nobody, and has nothing. When given the option to become a vampire spawn, her response gives Astarion a moment of pause; “No. Thank you. I think I’ll just die.”

Read Chapter One on Ao3

Read Chapter Two on Ao3

Read Chapter Three on Ao3

Read Chapter Four on Ao3

Read Chapter Five on Ao3

Read Chapter Six on Ao3

Read Chapter Seven on Ao3

Read Chapter Eight on Ao3

Read Chapter Nine on Ao3

or read Chapter Nine below the cut

The little red haired half-elf behind the counter didn’t look up when Astarion entered, but waited to get to the bottom of the page of the leaflet she was reading. Her eyes widened, then quickly narrowed. She either knew who he was, or felt that she should know him. It was hard to tell with Sharran acolytes, because Astarion couldn't be bothered to remember most of them, and they couldn’t reliably remember anything. This might’ve been one who Shadowheart discovered in his palace, he hadn’t really kept track.

“How can I serve you?” she didn’t sound in the mood for acts of service, but he took her words at face value and decided to get straight to his demands.

“A man named Barnes should have come here last night asking for an incredibly reasonable favor. He seems to have gone missing. Do you know anything about this or have you already sold that memory for… whatever equates to the faint withholding of praise that you all so long for?”

The acolyte’s red hue complimented her hair, her eyes pinned to him even as he sensed the straining desire to check their surroundings and make sure they wouldn’t be overheard. There was no one else in the front-of-house, Astarion had already checked.

“I wasn’t working last night,” said the acolyte in a tone that was so gratingly familiar Astarion almost laughed. She was molding them all in her image, it seemed.

“How can you really be sure?” he teased with a sharp grin. Gaslighting Sharrans was almost too easy to be fun.

“But, I know the man you’re talking about,” she continued. “He didn’t know the passwords and wouldn’t leave until we kicked him out.”

He didn’t need detect thoughts to tell she was lying, but he did it anyway, not only wanting to confirm that he was correct, but hoping to get some scrap of the truth from her.

“I told those idiots not to toy with anything that belongs to the vampire lord.” And he saw a flash of Barnes through her eyes. Some hours ago, frightened. Restrained. She gasped and he knew she’d caught him reading her thoughts, but it hardly mattered, what was she going to do about it?

“I’d be very interested in speaking to the idiots in question.” Astarion said in his silkiest voice.

She looked quite pale and he discerned what warred within her. Certainly, she wasn’t allowed to just let him go back to the real inner sanctum of the enclave. He knew the way. He’d been there before, but that probably wouldn’t be taken into account when the girl was punished later for failing her post. Whatever they’d done with Barnes, she’d been against it.

None of this was her fault, it seemed.

But, circumstances as they were, it would have to be her burden.

“I’m actually filled with so much blood I don’t think I could stomach another swallow, but I will use my fangs if necessary. Why don’t you just wait here and work on whatever excuses you’ll have to give to that lovely Mother Superior of yours? Draft a plea. Start with ‘he was going to kill me’ that’s a classic.”

For a moment, he thought his words had been sufficient to cow the acolyte. He made it all the way to the door that led back into the enclave antechamber before he heard her cry and felt the white heat of radiant burn, a distant memory of what sunlight used to do to him. He flinched and groaned through bared teeth, but she’d barely singed him. “Why, you little—” he rounded in the direction where the attack had come from, intent on taking a hold of her by the throat, but she wasn’t in his reach. She wasn’t anywhere.

Her goal hadn’t been to harm him. She knew she couldn't do that. She’d just successfully distracted him. So she could…? He scanned the room and heard a clatter as something scrambled frantically through the hidden passageway. Run away. Her plan was to run ahead of him and warn her fellow Sharran’s of his arrival. It was probably the only thing she could do, and he should have seen it coming.

Briefly, he considered how upset Shadowheart would be with him if he actually killed a good number of her followers. Then, he just got on with it. Sliding into his wolf form, he took the stairs at a vault and followed the sound of warning shouts into a nearby chamber. He didn’t remember the area perfectly from his brief, violent, visit to the enclave, but felt fairly certain there had been some tortuous apparatus and tools at hand.

Sure enough, his eyes fell immediately on Barnes, stripped and strapped down. He was pale, from fear or bloodloss or both, but didn’t have any apparent injuries apart from one hand being so smeared with red that it was hard to make out the state of his fingers. There were four Sharrans in the room, the little redheaded acolyte who he’d chased down the stairs, another young woman in a stained apron, and two male humans who could’ve been brothers. The redhead had just managed to warn them in time that they were upright, facing him and armed.

In spite of a warning growl, the shorter man lunged for him, but barely managed to get in a knick at his furry belly as Astarion pounced, had him by the throat in his jaws, and whipped him around to land in a heap. Astarion tasted blood, but didn’t think he had actually torn his neck all the way open. 

Keeping the shorter human in the corner of his eye, Astarion took his true form back, but the acolyte wasn’t moving and the other three had all converged on him at once. He grabbed the girl in the bloody apron by her waist and ran up the wall, letting her fall from his grip as he reached the ceiling. She screamed before she hit the ground with a thud.

The remaining two acolytes who weren’t prone were slower, more cautious. Vaguely, he became aware of shouting from outside the doors. More were coming. That was fine. It seemed he was still restless from the night before. He’d cleanse the whole enclave again if he had to.

Then the door burst open and Shadowheart marched inside. He almost lost his concentration but managed to keep his mental grip on the ceiling. She didn’t see him right away, her eyes first fell on Barnes, then her cowering acolytes, then her gaze sliced upwards to find Astarion perched on the ceiling. “Oh, Gods,” she sighed, crossing her arms.

She looked well. She usually looked good when she came to one of his little parties, but it was the kind of occasion where she would often look polished, like she was covering something. In her own element, dressed simply in a practical set of loose black robes, she looked in control and confident. The Mother Superior, no need to hide, but free to be herself in this one place.

“Lovely to see you, dear.”

“Why are you here?” Shadowheart demanded flatly.

“Why have you kidnapped my majordomo?” Astarion shot back.

Shadowheart raised one finger to gesture at Barnes. “I don’t know him. What’s he doing here?” she directed the question to the acolyte who was lying prone on the ground with one hand clamped over his oozing neck rather than either of the two who were still on their feet, or the girl who was clutching her leg in a way that suggested she’d probably broken something when she took a tumble from the ceiling.

The girl who had let Astarion in pointedly remained still and silent, apparently confident that none of this would be her responsibility, though the other acolyte who was still upright was squirming, clearly fighting the urge to explain himself, or to wait for Shadowheart to address him directly.

“He showed up last night,” the acolyte with the injured throat was starting to get to his knees, he dared to pull his hand away and when there was no gush of blood, seemed to relax. “He knew who we were and was asking questions. I thought—”

“—Astarion, come down. We can use our words.”

“Well, I know I can, but you Sharrans are a different matter.” But Astarion did as she directed, striding down the wall as easily as he’d scaled it. “Not exactly known for frank communication, are you?” He dusted himself off, checking his stomach to see where one of the acolyte’s blades had drawn a little tear in the fabric of his waistcoat. Without further instruction or permission, he needed neither, Astarion walked up to Barnes and undid his restraints.

The majordomo suppressed a sob as he sat up, trembling.

“You’re all right,” Astarion muttered, getting a closer look at Barnes’ bloodied hand. Fingernails all gone. “Those grow back. Without potions and such it takes about six highly unpleasant months, but I know a decent alchemist.” 

Barnes wasn’t perfectly steady on his feet, and after presumably a full day being strapped down, it was no wonder. He stooped down and gathered a bundle of fabric on the ground. They appeared to be the trousers that had been torn off of him. He started to yank them back on and Astarion permitted him to lean against his side, and kept one hand gripping his shoulder in case he started to tip over.

“What did you need?” Shadowheart tossed her long coil of hair over one shoulder and wouldn’t look directly at them.

“Nothing, any longer,” Astarion sighed heavily. “I thought you might want to make good on one of the dozen favors you owe me, but I’ve no longer any need for a cleric’s ministrations.”

“I think the accounting of favors on one side or the other is debatable,” Shadowheart shooed the acolytes out of the room. They weren’t quick about leaving, and the two injured ones didn’t have nearly the degree of help that they required. “You sent someone to a Sharran enclave to fetch a healer?” Shadowheart remarked with a sniff. “Odd choice.”

“You might’ve considered that my options are a little limited.”

“There’s no end of hypocritical followers of one god or another. Not in Baldur’s Gate.” Shadowheart had a point here, but he wasn’t about to let her have credit for it. “Why did you need a healer?”

“Why else? Injured mortal, nonresponsive.”

“So, you’ve developed a habit of bringing your victims to the edge of death and then you want to restore them back so you can keep playing with them? Respectfully, that is a waste of—”

“—assumptions, assumptions,” Astarion rolled his eyes at her. “The girl’s state wasn’t my doing, if you must know.” Barnes was leaning more of his weight on him with every passing moment. Astarion couldn’t blame him for being eager to leave. “Well, it’s been lovely chatting. Lovely meeting some of your charges, as well. Maybe let them offer up today’s memories so that they can absolutely not learn any kind of lesson, and we can do it all again some time? Won’t that be fun.”

Astarion started to leave, half carrying Barnes, who after a few tentative steps seemed even more wobbly.

“Did she die?” Shadowheart shot after him.

“What?”

“Is that why you don’t need a cleric any longer? Did the mortal in question die?”

“I think I’ll keep the truth of that to myself. You can respect a little secret, can’t you?”

Astarion didn’t slow down until they hit the street and he thought Barnes might collapse. He didn’t actually want to have to carry the man in his arms back to his estate, and Barnes himself seemed like the sort who wouldn’t appreciate it either. Better to just let him take it at his own pace. He was unsightly. Perhaps they ought to stop at Figaros on the way? No. Better to just get home.

“A Sharran enclave in the middle of Baldur’s Gate? Gods below.” Barnes was shaking, and being under the sun again he seemed a little more aware of just how exposed he was. He searched the area around them, but thought there were signs of life in the song of the birds and the distant shouts and laughter in the city, no one was really close enough to pay any attention to them. “I never would have guessed at that kind of danger lurking just underground.”

“They’re not so formidable,” Astarion shrugged. “Every strategy they have boils down to making everyone else weak rather than making themselves strong. Outnumber. Go unseen. Manipulate. They are so focused on the disadvantages of all perceived enemies that they get quite bad at identifying them in the first place, and forget their own significant weaknesses. If you really want to be alarmed by the underground cults of the city, I’ll have you know that there’s still a perfectly serviceable temple to the god of murder just below our feet.”

“Are you going to send me to run an errand there next?!”

Astarion laughed, he wasn’t sure if Barnes meant to make a joke, but he hoped so. That would probably be good for him right now. “Gods, what a mess. How about a raise then?”

“Oh, at the very least,” snapped Barnes. Probably not quite ready to joke yet then. He did seem like his legs had recovered from the restraints though. He was still shaking, but he seemed able to walk on his own, and even seemed eager to do so.

“Right. Let’s go,” Astarion picked up the pace as Barnes seemed more able to keep up.

“Did she die?” Barnes waited a moment to ask, but there was something about the way he asked the question that made Astarion think he’d been holding the question back a moment.

“No. She’s fine. Probably about the same state as you are now. Do you want a cleric?”

“No. Never again.”

“Exactly.”

[potatowoogan]

Hello to All who sees. This first off is a serious post not something to be goofed around about. Before I get into the story please keep this in mind while on the internet

Online Safety tips for all ages please keep that in mind as some of you may know these basics but I am restating them for this post.

Keep Personal information professional and limited.

Keep your Privacy Settings on {on the appropriate settings for you and or your kid(s)}

Practice Safe Browsing if possible {Do this especially with younger kids}

Make sure your on a secure and or established Wi-Fi network

Please Be careful on what you download.

Be cautious when clicking on sites you don’t know and or never heard off

Choose strong passwords and DO NOT share any passwords with anyone! Not even someone you may think you have known for a while please be careful

Make Purchases from established sites: Amazon, Target, Walmart ect

Be careful of what you post about please as screenshots can be taken etc

10. Keep your personal information to yourself: that includes; debit card info, address, First and Last name away from people on here. That’s stuff that stays confidential. You may share the general area you live in. USA, Australia, Canada Etc. AND don’t share your town name either!

11: Don’t post/send pics of yourself to someone if you aren’t asked it makes people uncomfortable

With that stated me and a fellow artist @skilled-plaque have encountered someone who starts out their conversations nice then goes into deeper subjects.

The following images happened to me not Lee

Here’s the person who DMed me so you know who to look out for. Please Block them if you see them. Here’s the account to block: https://www.tumblr.com/carrickjam

Please beware fellow artists I’ve meant. Please block em if you see that they follow you. As soon after they followed me and Lee they had stated to Dm us. @alice-angel12x @mayo-wap @cyanwyrmy @sg-the-mag-by please stay safe and block them if ya can

And here’s my encounter

The last image is the person who @skilled-plaque encountered please block them as well if you see them.

Please Remember to stay Safe!

Here’s what happened to me

[drawthething]

Welcome to DTT's gallery of useless text posts because I'm in the post-exam mood and bored!Today we shall discuss about:

"Obvious ways to NOT get scammed when opening commissions"

Now if you're a smart and capable human who's already so good at being an adult then you might not need these advices. But if you're kinda gullible and young and eat instant noodles for dinner sometimes like me, this post might be for you!

1. "You're up for commissions? DM me!"

See, these jerks probably follow the #commission tag on insta to find their easy target. You have the comm sheet right there clear as daylight and they STILL ask this thing in your post's comments. And they don't even want to DM you, YOU DM THEM! Absolutely horrible commission etiquette! I think it's best to ignore these comments even if you're not sure about their intentions.

2. Random acc with 2 posts and 200+ followers casually walks up to your DMs and says: "Will you draw my pet for 200$??"

Suuuper basic tactics for scammers to initiate their hustle. They're just soooo basic and soooo boring they can't come up with anything else for you to draw they HAVE to be like "I don't give a damn about what you usually do or what weird fandom hyperfixation pills you're on but here's an easy-to come-up-with art idea!". And a fricking fortune for pets portraits?? Come on.

Yes, check the account too if you smell something fishy. Even if it's profile is an innocent old looking lady who seems really rude at texting for some reasons, it's worth being cautious about.

3. "Aww man something's wrong with your PayPal link, can you send me your email name instead?"

Now of course I'm not saying everyone who wants a pet drawing is a scammer. If you're still unsure or see nothing suspicious about the client, feel free to continue the conversation!

But oh noooo, every damn time they seem to have some fricking issue with your PayPal link! They DEMAND to know your email! Or offer to send the payment in some really vague foreign way. Alrighty, no big deal yet, it's not like they want to know your Roblox password or GG search history right? Let's see what might happen next!

4. Nope, no payment sent, but oooo, new email! So fun, let's check!

BAM! An "official" mail from PayPal. Some weird issue occurred and *inserts bullcrap explanation* now you have to like, send them back 500$ out of nowhere! Wait, what?!

Calm down, don't do anything yet (even if the "client" is so rudely pressuring you cuz you 'own' them cash now) Go through everything as thorough like it's your life crisis and notice that this email has an embarrassing typo! Perhaps... this is not a PayPal mail? Well no crap! You know exactly who sent it you silly goose! Plus these losers do be using ugly ass fonts amirite? Smh.

5. They're so obviously not interested in your art

Some of these bastards are just so vague about what they want for their art, you know? Instead of going on and on about the details, like do they want it coloured or not, what the artstyle is, yada yada bla bla bla, all they're excited about is getting to the payment part! The fun part of the hustle, yayyyy!! Oh and they're oddly rude and distant in the way they talk sometimes. Unacceptable even for scammers! If you want my money at least be nice!

6. So what do you do with these guys?

Block, delete, report and run!! And if you're still mad at them for lying to you, don't forget to tell those mfs to get a life instead of trying to scam someone who already knows how to make terrible financial decisions!! (it's me, I'm someone)

Pls remember though, don't jump to conclusions early yet. Now you don't want to accidentally block an innocent respectful person, do you? Trust your instincts!

Aaaaand that's all I have! Thank you for reading this nonsense, you truly are a delight! Please be safe, be cautious and be a decent human being who don't try to scam people!

Love ♥️

[pinkrangerv]

Internet Safety 101

It has Come To My Attention that apparently nobody else was given the 'and this is social engineering going after your password' or the 'this is the cops trapping you' lesson of social media use, so let me step forward with some helpful advice.

The most common scams pretend to be the IRS, Social Security, or a government agency who claims you broke a law and have to pay in gift cards to stay out of jail. A few points to remember:

Government agencies contact you by letter or cop. No government agency anywhere uses texts or email except as emergency alerts.

Gift cards are not currency, and the government does not pay off debts with gift cards.

For you to be put in jail, formal charges would have to be filed, and a trial held. They cannot just disappear you to jail. That is not a thing.

The next most common is someone trying to get at the security questions for your bank. If someone is asking things like what street you live on, the first letter of your pet's name, the first letter of your name, or any other personal information 'that you put together to find your X name', that person is trying to get at your bank accounts.

Police ROUTINELY conduct stings by walking up to people and asking them to confess to crimes. Remember: COPS CAN SPIN ANYTHING TO A JUDGE ANY WAY THEY WANT IT, and YOU will be stuck defending yourself in court. Weed is legal in your state? It's federally illegal, so good luck with the drug charges! You had a beer and then drove? DUI, citizen, even if you weren't driving strangely or have a high blood alcohol level! Did you attend a protest the police attacked? You're a rioter now!

Answering 'No, I never did that!' does not do a damn thing. It means they will plant evidence on you and claim you lied. The ONLY CORRECT ANSWER when asked these questions is 'Am I free to leave?' followed by 'goodbye, officer'. If you see these questions on social media--"Ha ha are you a stoner? This personality quiz will tell you!", "Do YOU believe in BLM?" and other such things--DO NOT ANSWER OR CLICK ON THEM. They are traps.

This is a pretty basic rundown of the most common ways social media can be dangerous. Remember: ACAB, government agencies are allergic to electronics, and no one needs to know any part of your name or where you live.

[callmewishful]

Mobile Tumblr won’t let me paste stuff, but I’m too excited to share so I’ve hacked into my own account (and by that I mean I remembered my own password) and got this to work.

Enjoy Matthias babysitting! .—.

“And Lambert?” Matthias huffed. He wasn’t sure why he asked. He knew there was no use getting out of it. Rodrigue was already here with his sons. 

But, Phelan was down in Charon visiting her family with his own two sons, which meant he would be alone with Glenn and Felix. And that was something he’d never done prior.

“Lambert is still away. He doesn’t get back for another week. Matthias, are you really that opposed to it? You know I wouldn’t ask you if I didn’t trust you.” Rodrigue had a point. Still, there was something nerve racking about being alone with his oldest friend’s two kids. 

Perhaps he was being stupid. He’d fought more vigorous battles with Sreng. Two young boys would hardly be a challenge. Of course he wouldn’t be fighting the two boys, hopefully. He just had to watch them and make sure they didn’t get into mischief. That would be easy enough. 

He soon found that it was not, in fact, “easy enough.” Glenn was far more energetic and un-self-sustaining than Miklan. He demanded attention at every turn, insisting Matthias entertain him. It wouldn’t have been so bad if Felix were a little more independent. But the youngest Fraldarius son was fragile and meek, flinching at the sound of every creek and bump made by the old manor. Matthias really needed to have those stairs replaced.

He had reluctantly let Glenn practice his sword technique in the house, while he kept hold of Felix. Though when Glenn nearly knocked over Phelan’s favorite flower pot again, Matthias decided that maybe this wasn’t a good indoor activity.

“Alright, Glenn. That’s enough sword practice for today. How about we find something else to do?”

“No.” The little boy carried on as if Matthias hadn’t spoken. Apparently he needed to be a bit more firm.

He sighed, “Glenn, I wasn’t asking.”

“Then why did you say it like a question?” This boy was going to be the death of him. Did he always question adults like this? Did he do this to Rodrigue?

“Because I was trying to be nice, now go put the sword back.”

Glenn huffed and dropped his arm, along with the sword, “Finee.”

“How about some chess? Do you like chess?” Matthias tried to redirect the child’s frustration.

“Chess is boring.” Yeah…he was Rodrigue’s son. He should’ve known better.

Matthias shifted Felix from one leg to another, flinching as the little boy whined at the sheer possibility of being let go or put down. “Well, what else do you like to do?”

“Hmm.” Glenn thought for a moment, then gasped, jumping up and down, “Read! Momma reads us stories!”

“I’m not reading you a story.”

“Why? Because you can’t read?“

Matthias frowned, “Go get a book.”

Glenn cheered and ran off. But, as soon as the boy was out of sight Felix started to whimper.

“No, no. It’s fine. Glenn is coming right back. He went to get a book. Do you like books?” Felix was having none of Matthias’s attempted comfort. He burst into tears, full out wailing at the top of his little lungs. 

How in the Goddess’s name did Rodrigue do this? 

Glenn came back no less than a minute later, carrying not one, but seven books in his arms. “Why’d you make Felix cry?”

Matthias closed his eyes and took a deep breath. Yes, he wanted to Felix to cry. He loved listening to this. That was his goal. “Glenn. What would make you think I made Felix cry?”

“You’re holding him. And he’s crying.” He stated like it was obvious. 

Oh the logic of a child…. Sometimes Matthias wished things were so simple. “He’s crying because you disappeared.”

Glenn frowned, dropping the books on the floor and stepping over them to get to his brother. “Oh, Fe! You don’t have to cry. I’m right here, silly. This is Margrave Gautier’s house. You don’t have to cry here. He’s nice.”

Matthias couldn’t help the small smile that fell upon his face at that. Despite his own concerns with the arrangement and the minor frustrations that came with dealing with children other than his own, he couldn’t help but feel glad that Glenn found comfort in his care. 

Felix seemed to take his brother’s words to heart, reducing his teary display down to a few sniffles. Matthias wiped the boy’s tears with the edge of his sleeve, “See, Glenn’s right here. He’s not going anywhere.”

“C-can we read?” Felix’s wobbly voice asked and Matthias couldn’t say no.

Glenn and Felix were perched in his lap while he struggled to hold the book in front of them. He had no idea what the book was about, mindlessly reading the words on the page. Both boys were listening with rapt attention, enthralled with whatever story about this knight they were being fed. Matthias had no complaints. They were content and most importantly, not crying.

Then came bedtime.

Glenn, for once, went down without a fuss or a snarky comment. It seemed that all the energy he had during the night had tuckered him out.

That left Felix.

Felix was the one Matthias expected not to have to fight with. He thought that Felix’s gentle personality would prevent too much pushback. Apparently he was wrong.

“Bunny isn’t tired.” Felix told the Margrave quietly. 

“Are you sure bunny isn’t tired? It’s awfully late.” Matthias pressed, even nodding for emphasis as he crouched in front of the little boy.

Felix looked down at the stuffed animal, worn and dirty from years of being drug everywhere the kid went. “I’m sure.” He decided.

“Why don’t we try to sleep? Sometimes we don’t realize how tired we are until we lay down. Bunny might be tired once he lays down.” 

Felix shook his head, “No.”

“Felix….” Matthias used his warning voice. It was a last resort, really. Such a thing could make Felix burst into tears. 

He stood strong though, wavering for just a second before nodding to himself, “Are you going to make me cry? Papa would be sad.”

Was that…blackmail? Was he warning Matthias? What was happening? 

“I don’t want to make you cry.” He answered honestly, voice weary. Since when was he worried about a five year old’s words? Well, since this apparent personality shift, he supposed.

“Then it’s not bedtime.”

What a little shit. Matthias sighed. “Felix.”

“I’m going to be sad. Then Papa will be sad.”

“Are you blackmailing me?”

Felix frowned, looking down at Bunny. “This is Bunny. Not mail.”

“No-“ Matthias paused, closing his eyes. This was pointless. “Felix, it is bedtime. Would you like to sleep with Glenn? He’s got a big bed, you can sleep with him. Would that make you feel better?”

“No. It’s not bedtime. Bunny said so.”

“Bunny doesn’t make the rules, Felix.” Matthias tried again, “Now, come along. Let’s get you to sleep.”

Felix lightly stomped his feet as if to root them in place, “I said no thank you.” Matthias was actually a little proud of him. That was the most confident display he’d seen out of the young Fraldarius in…well, ever.

Because he wanted to encourage his strength, Matthias compromised. “Alright. How about this? We can read two more stories if we go lay down. How’s that sound?”

Felix considered the deal for moment. But when he opened his mouth to reply, Matthias wasn’t ready for what was to come, “Let’s play hide and seek! You count!”

He bolted then, sprinting around the corner and down the hall with speed Matthias had only seen come from Felix’s tear ducts. 

“Felix!” He chased after the child, thankfully having the length of his legs as an advantage. He scooped the boy up, hoisting him up over his shoulder while Felix giggled, “You cheated! You have to count to twenty!”

“Felix. We’re not playing hide and seek. We’re going to sleep.” Matthias sighed, carrying him and Bunny back down the hall to the guest bedrooms. He plopped the boy down on the bed, listening to his gleeful laughs at the small sensation of falling.

“Again! Again!” Felix cheered, holding his arms out to the Margrave. 

He shook his head until Felix’s lip started to wobble. “Fine. Only a few more times, ok?”

The tears immediately receded and Matthias couldn’t help but feel as though he had been played. 

Soon enough, Glenn came to see what the commotion was about, whined because Felix got to stay up and play, and then proceeded to demand a turn. In the end, Matthias spent most of the night tossing each child onto the bed, even well after his arms were ready to fall off and die. 

Eventually the boys grew tired of the game and even, praise the Goddess, tired in general. Glenn insisted Matthias lay with them and read more stories, but he wasn’t going to complain if it meant his arms got a rest. 

He lay in the middle of the bed, Felix clutching Bunny, while curled up against his right side. Glenn was less clingy, simply resting his head on Matthias’s left shoulder so he could still see the pages. Both boys listened intently and without a peep while Matthias flipped through the pages, until they all fell asleep huddled up together. 

And late the next morning, that was just how Rodrigue found all three of his boys. 

[feminist-space]

""Network's Down" or The epic saga of Satan's Accountant

This is one of my favourite stories from r/talesfromtechsupport originally posted by u/Ravenlunatic

Note: The acronym CPA stands for Certified Public Accountant. I'll try to annotate any technical terms as we go.

______________________________________________________________

[Part one - New accounting manager's first day on the job was a bad sign of things to come.](https://www.reddit.com/r/talesfromtechsupport/comments/2hx5sd/new_accounting_managers_first_day_on_the_job_was/)

So we get a new Accounting Manager, and I was asked by HR to show her some of the IT ropes, introduce her to how to access various things on her PC and verify she's setup and ready to go. This is SOP [Standard Operating Practice] so no biggie, it's her first day on the job, as an ACCOUNTING MANAGER (position is key).

So after getting everything setup, and showing her VPN, email, file server, etc.... I asked if she had any more questions, she said no, and I said if you need anything let me know. She seemed pleasant enough.

About 2 hours later, I'm at my cube when she stops by and says "I need help, can you come swing by as soon as you can, it's urgent".

I say "no problem, give me a few minutes and I'll be down." She lost some of pleasantness and left seemingly upset I didn't take off after her.

A few minutes later, I poke my head in her office and ask her what's wrong.

Her: "My desktop calculator isn't working" (it was one that required power, printed the numbers out on the receipt paper).

Me: "Is it plugged in?"

Her "You tell me"

I look, clearly the plug is just laying there on the ground.

Me ³"Doesn't look like it, there's the plug"

Her "Okay" waiting for me to plug it in...

Me "It should work when you plug it in"

Her (audible sigh) "I'm just terrible with those kinds of things"

Me "Just put the plug in the outlet, it's just like a lamp at home"

Her "Seriously? This is IT stuff"

Me "It's a electric adding machine, if you plug it in and it doesn't work talk to the office manager and she can order you a new one"

I just walked away, that was the start of so many things to come....

______________________________________________________________

[Part two - Satan's CPA "NETWORK's DOWN!"](https://www.reddit.com/r/talesfromtechsupport/comments/2hzx1x/satans_cpa_networks_down/)

[Note: from this point on the person in part one is named SCPA (Satan's CPA)]

This lady worked for us for a 1 year and 1/2 or so, and made my (IT) life miserable. There was never a single incident that topped day one, but her approach to IT was less than professional. I'll do my best to sum up her time with a few stories in TFTS. It does ultimately end well for me.

So about a week goes by and I don't hear much from SCPA, and I'm thinking maybe she was just nervous on her first day. Then it happens, and this would be recurring nails across the chalkboard screeching that would happen more times than I care to remember.

SCPA very loudly from her office addressing no one in particular: "NETWORK'S DOWN!"

Our office is fairly small, but big enough you'd have to be quite loud for your voice to carry from Accounting Dept to IT Dept.

I think, oh crap. What's wrong? I immediately start checking systems before I go to investigate, we hadn't any major outages in years and sure enough everything is up. So I make my way to her office.

Me: "What's wrong?"

SCPA: "Network's down, nothing is working"

Me: "I just checked and asked around before stopping here, everything is working, what can't you get to?"

SCPA: "Look, my email isn't working" click click, bang bang "see nothing, it's not getting email and i know my husband sent me an email"

So I look at it and it looks like she just minimized the password window which is required and she was told about.

Me: "You need to enter your password, you can't just close this window"

She does and emails populate and she goes back to work and says nothing.

For the remainder of her time here this is how she would report any PC issues: "NETWORK'S DOWN!" Not a single time did the network ever go down. So after several months of this, I decide to address her approach as her team is starting to pick up on her attitude towards IT and our rep is starting to go down with management due to "Network Downtime"

SCPA: "NETWORK'S DOWN!"

I don't even check the systems, and begrudgingly walk down to see her.

Me: blank stare "what is it?"

SCPA: "I can't get into online accounting system, again"

Me: "Last time it was due to a bad link from an email, is the link right?"(yes, she actually complained the network was down, because a bad hyperlink in an email)

SCPA: "Yeah, link is fine, here's the website I can't get in, there is a problem with the network, there's always a problem with the network, I need to be able to work, that's all I want to do"

Me: "The network is fine and has been fine, let's see what's going on". Turns out she was locked out of her account due to failed login attempts. I request a password reset and boom she's in. Now time to address her approach to IT

Me: "SCPA, Listen, when you have an IT issue, can you please submit a ticket to our helpdesk, or shoot me an email, IM, or even stop by? Shouting network down is kind of causing a disruption and it causes people to stop working because they think something is wrong and it's even affecting your team"

SCPA: "If the system worked, I wouldn't need to complain, I can't help it, I have a lot of stuff to do, and when I can't work, it's frustrating, and "my team" (she did air quotes) needs info from me. If I can't get work done, they can't get work done, hence "network's down" (second air quotes)

Me: Sigh "Please just open a ticket, that way we can track our "network down" (I used air quotes. :) ) issues to see what can be done"

That was my life for the next year or so, I had to create a spreadsheet to log every "network's down" issue. This proved useful later on.

______________________________________________________________

[Part three - Missed Deadlines](https://www.reddit.com/r/talesfromtechsupport/comments/2i0m6n/satans_cpa_accounting_team_keeps_missing/)

After a few months, there is an obvious strain on the relationship between IT and Accounting. We went from a professional group to a bunch of finger pointers, users are no longer creating tickets for Tier 1 help (password resets, printer issues, etc....) and there is just a bunch of complaining.

I also start noticing a trend: I'm getting overwhelmed with "I can't get my work done, I have a huge project due today and the system is down" from that team.

We have a helpdesk for a reason, there are going to be issues that need to be taken care of, however if you don't report them for 3 weeks and only decide to mention the day your work is due...yeah, that's a problem.

SCPA email to CFO/Raven/Raven's boss: "Raven, for the 4th period in a row Huey/Louie/Dewey have not been able to turn in work on time due to issues with IT. This can't continue to happen as I need their work to submit to CFO which has continued to be turned in late as a result. What can be down to fix this? WE CANNOT CONTINUE TO WORK LIKE THIS!"

CFO (reply all) "Raven, I have noticed this as well. Is our network being maxed out with everyone accessing at once? The last few months in general there seems to have been quite a few network issues" /headdesk

Raven's boss(reply all) "CFO, in terms of the network that has not been the case at all. Raven can offer more detail. In terms of the system being maxed out, i don't believe that is the case either, Raven can offer more detail"

Me (reply all): Attached is a spreadsheet offering detail on every "unofficially" reported network downtime. Please note that the network has not gone down even once. There appears to be some confusion between a network/service outage vs an enduser issue. Also attached are the official reported Helpdesk cases. Note: no downtime. In regards to systems seemingly going down or being inaccessible during key times, I believe this to be self inflicted by the end users. They wait weeks on end before reporting that they can't "access a system" and come running over to me for help, when I ask "when did this start", it's always "I haven't been able to access for weeks", but they're just telling me today because they need it. We can't fix what we don't know is broken or reset PWs we don't know are forgotten. SCPA, if you can please remind your team to reach out to our HD [Help desk] when an issue is noticed immediately, this will likely result in less late projects. Our network can handle the workload.

SCPA reply to Raven's boss/CFO: This isn't really acceptable to point the finger back our way. My team does not do what he described. The network is constantly down, and he conveniently leaves off any real issues on that wasted spreadsheet.

(My boss forwarded me the email)

Boss's email to CFO/SCPA: We'll continue to monitor.

______________________________________________________________

[Part four: The setup, the delivery, and Satan's CPA provides the payoff.](https://www.reddit.com/r/talesfromtechsupport/comments/2i3hhv/the_setup_the_delivery_and_satans_cpa_provides/)

So after the last email, things quiet down to some degree. SCPA's attitude and behavior doesn't change much, but the email blasts die off and I pretty much determine that this is how work will be, I'm not getting any flak from my boss or CFO so I'm not stressing it. Then it happens.

CFO: "I just received an email indicating there is a new version of our Document Management Software (DMS) available, can we upgrade?"

Me: "I'll look into it, shouldn't an issue"

I should mention that our CFO was the one who instituted the DMS, he relies on it heavily and expects his accounting team to use it daily for everything for auditing purposes/version control, etc...

I should also mention that we've upgraded the DMS in the past, but it's kind of a pain because it requires that I or the HelpDesk physically update (no central deployment) the client on every users' PC as client version has to match the server version otherwise they can't connect. "WAIT A SECOND"...If I upgrade the server, inform the CFO of the scenario, and then SCPA and her team do what I say they've been doing then..."nah, that's too perfect, that won't happen"

Me: email to all Corp employees: "Next Fri 10/13, we will be upgrading our DMS to provide totally new and cool features. It's important to note that after we update the server, we have to physically update the client on your machine or your DMS WON'T WORK. The update requires you to be logged in with your active profile and a reboot. On Mon 10/15 at your earliest convenience contact the HD or myself to get updated. DMS will not be accessible until your PC is updated. If you have any concerns please let me know"

As expected no one emails me.

10/13 Fri evening

Me: "CFO, everyone is gone and if it's okay with you and you're out of DMS I'm going to start the upgrade"

CFO: "Yup, I'm good, go for it"

Me: "As I mentioned, I have to update the client on everyone's PC or they can't login to DMS. It won't work until I do so, including yours" I give him a look hoping he gets what I'm implying

CFO: "Understood." He does.

DMS upgraded, have a lovely weekend, time to go back to work early Monday morning for a long day of client upgrades

Week 1: Early Monday morning I get 1 email asking to be upgraded, it's from the CFO. Before I upgrade him, I show him the error people will get if they try to access the DMS "Client Server Version Mismatch" I upgrade him and he's good.

That's the only upgrade I do that day, I check the HD cases, no upgrades. I go the entire week without updating a single client DMS.

Week 2: Upgrade requests 0

Week 3: Upgrade requests 2: Huey and Louie request an upgrade(good for them)

Week 4: Upgrade requests 10 (all placed within about 10 min of each other, the HD manager informs me)

So at this point I'm expecting "NETWORK'S DOWN!" Nope.

SCPA email to CFO/Raven's Boss/Raven/Her Team (marked urgent): "CFO, as I've noted, we continue to have multiple IT issues. Today, I'm unable to run the reports you require due to DMS outage. I've attached a screen shot (Client/Server Mismatch) so Raven can update his spreadsheet. I'm not sure how we can continue to operate this way as a business. I've never seen an IT system with so many issues. Once DMS issue is resolved, I'll do my best to get the reports to you as quickly as possible but they will be late, but that is beyond my control!"

Wait, did that really just happen, I read that wrong. Let me read that again. Yup. By the time, I finished reading it a 2nd time and before I or my boss could reply:

CFO email to Raven/Raven's boss: "Don't respond or update her PC, I'll handle."

Seconds later, I see the CFO walking by my cube and into her office and closes the door. I don't know exactly what was said (no, she wasn't fired), but the next 5ish months at work were absolute bliss. Not a single "NETWORK'S DOWN". Miraculously SCPA's team started opening cases with the HD. I had nearly 5 months of basically no interaction with them, everything was great until:

SCPA: "NETWORK'S DOWN!"

Apparently SCPA had put in her 2 weeks notice and planned on reverting to old ways.

No, this is not where this tale ends.......

_____________________________________________________________

[Part five: Satan's CPA did sign the BYOD Policy from HR.](https://www.reddit.com/r/talesfromtechsupport/comments/2i46ss/satans_cpa_did_sign_the_byod_policy_from_hr/)

[Note: BYOD means "bring your own device". In this context it means that staff can use their own phone for work purposes.]

All good things must come to an end.

Did I mention SCPA had a cell phone? No? Well to be fair, up until now it wasn't really relevant. It's relevant now.

We basically have 3 different options when it comes to cell phones.

Option1: We issue a new number on corp plan (number is owned by company).

Option2: You can use personal phone number, we'll reimburse monthly provided you fill out the forms (you own the number)

Option3: We agree to assume financial responsibility of your personal cell number and put it on our corporate account and provided we part ways amicably we'll release the number back to you (this is done by those that want us to pay for the number, but don't want to hassle with reimbursement requests.)

She went with option 3, signed the BYOD policy regarding this.

It's SCPA's last day and she is finishing up doing whatever it is she does, and the CFO stops by:

CFO: "At 5pm today, can you please terminate SCPA's access to all systems, however we've made an arrangement with her to keep her cell number on our corp account until she is able to get switched over, she has 2 weeks to complete this. During this time she's agreed to answer any questions we may have about anything she was working on"

Me: "Okay" I get her personal account information, formally release the number. All she has to do at this point is contact Verizon and the number is hers. I set my Calendar.

Fast forward 2 weeks, I come into the office fire off the email to Verizon Support: "Please cancel (666)666-6666" If SCPA did what she was supposed to, I'll get an email back stating this number isn't on my account and the request can not be completed.

VZ Support: "Your request has been processed." - oh crap. here we go.

About 2 hours later

Reception: "Raven, SCPA is on the phone, do you want to talk to her"

Me: "Yup"

SCPA (from her Husband's cell): "MY PHONE ISN'T WORKING! I'm travelling and I need it"

Me: "It's been 2 weeks, I was told to send the cancellation request. The number has been cancelled" I hear her take a deep breath, I think she's grasping the situation.

SCPA: "WHAT!?!? You cancelled it, you can't do that, you need to get the number back. I need my phone."

Me: "Sorry, the request was already processed, the number is likely gone"

SCPA apologetically: "Oh no. I will request the transfer today, I didn't realize it had been so long, I'm so sorry, can you get it back"

Now anyone who has to deal with VZ enterprise knows that the consumer VZ dept and enterprise VZ dept don't exactly play well together. While I could probably get her number reactivated, reauthorize the transfer and she could get it, it would require some additional effort. If not, that number goes back into the pool. So I shoot the CFO an IM.

Me: "SCPA never transferred her number and I cancelled it this morning now she is requesting we reactivate so she can get it back. Are we under any obligation to do so?"

CFO: "No."

Me: "SCPA, yeah, I'm sorry, it's already been processed, not much I can do, you can try to call them and see what they say"

SCPA: "This can't be, is there any-"

Huey is now standing at my desk. Me:"Hang on SCPA" -mutes phone

Huey: "I can't login into SAP, when you're done with your call can you help?"

Me: "Sure, give me a sec" unmutes phone.

Me: "Sorry SCPA, network's down. I gotta go." - click.

THE END.

*I am not the OP. The OP is u/Ravenlunatic*

Edit: updated with links to the original posts."

https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/x0z0cr/networks_down_or_the_epic_saga_of_satans/

[tellthemeerkatsitsfine]

if u dont mind asking, how do you identify streaming websites to use? there's this one show where a few episodes r practically unfindable to me. how do u find what you once thought was nearly unfindable? (like the josh series haha)

Funny you should ask that right now, as I have just tried stepping away from that and fucking hell I hate it. Listening to Mark Watson on a podcast recently made me decide I want to hear his radio stuff, and I downloaded his Address to the Nation and Mark Watson Talks a Bit About Life shows easily, but while looking for the first of those, Mark Watson Makes the World Substantially Better, I saw it was available as an audiobook on Audible. And figured I do try to pay for things when paying for them directly is an option, so I should do that here. So I bought it on Audible on my laptop, download it there, but I want to hear it from my phone. Sign in on my phone, find that my account on my phone doesn't have it. Sign out and sign back in using the same email address and password that I used when I bought the thing on my computer, it still gives me different library that doesn't have it. Try to manually take the file on my computer, transfer it to my phone with a cable, and open it with the Audible app. Doesn't work. Look up options for turning the aax file into an mp3 so I could play it with my normal music player, and they're all either more expensive than just buying the book again from my phone, or they're incredibly complicated. Everything I try just leads to something telling me to sign up for an Audible membership for a bunch of money per week or linking me back to Amazon. Every moment of it is not just frustrating but also depressing, looking at how Amazon is connected to everything and our world is nothing but pushing people into signing up for regularly payments to big corporations to get media curated by those corporations, making me have trouble remembering why I thought paying money to Amazon was the more ethical option and this is dealing me more psychic damage the more I try to figure it out. Jesus Christ I hate it.

Okay. Anyway. Sorry about that, I realize you were not looking for that rant with your question; your message just happened to come in after I'd spent 90 minutes losing my mind over this to no avail and remembering why I just download things directly. Finding things that are hard to find is often just a matter of persistence, having a list of streaming sites and going through them. You can find a lot of others by just searching the first name. Like if one version of [streaming site] doesn't have it, search the name of the site and you'll get a page full of results with slightly different versions of it, that all have slightly different collections. Options tend to get sketchier as you go down the page. That's mainly the strategy I use - I start from a few main sites, and if it's not there I start looking for their other versions.

I'll avoid mentioning the sites by name, but this is a really good place to start if anyone doesn't know how to find them. There's lots of useful stuff in that link, and from all of those options you can find similar ones. You can also Google "alternatives to [site]" and you'll get long lists and can try all the options on those lists. That's how I finally found the show Josh - it was about the 15th version of one site that had it.

As a general rule, adblockers are pretty much mandatory for this sort of thing, and a VPN is a generally good idea for added security. Some of the sites can be sketchy, but none are as soul-destroying as trying to navigate a system in which Amazon will not let you have access to a file you've paid for, and even if I do figure it out I'll only have the file in a special format that can only be played in their special app that's full of ads pushing a monthly membership on me, and I hate the state of the world. I just want to listen to Mark Watson and his friends say nice things in 2008.

[hanna-water]

Part 2 “I’ll Be Fine”: Talk about Popculture, Druck and Gen Z Popkultur Festival Berlin 2022, wednesday 24.08.2022 with Eren M. Güvercin, Nhung Hoang, Naomi Bechert (social media team during s5 – s6, writer of s7 and s8) Moderated by Aidan Riebensahm Aidan: This might confirm an image that we have of Gen Z. That you are very motivated to get involved and to take part in creating these roles. This seems to fit into the cliché that Gen Z is always very active and participating in everything. Also you are the first generation that grew up with the internet since your childhood. How has this influenced your work on Druck or generally how did you experience growing up with the internet? Eren: I think it shows in the fact that it’s a transmedial concept and even in the script you can see what will be posted and what won´t. And that its always connected with the dramaturgy and the storyline. That is interesting to experience. On the shooting days we are also creating the content for Instagram. I grew up with Instagram and facebook. I always used the facebook account of my mum to play animal farm. I don´t remember the name….farm world? (laughs) This was my first experience with social media. I also used to have multiple IG accounts. One of them (laughs) is still public but I don´t have the password anymore. It`s a bit embarrassing. Nhungi: Please don´t try to find it. Eren: All the stalkers now “making typing sounds” (laughs). That was my first experience with IG and when I first heard of the series and came in for filming, I did not exactly know what to expect. I also did not watch Druck before. Sorry btw if I appear a bit sick. I am a little hoarse. (laughs nervously) Uhm… so I came in and had no idea how storytelling would look like if you connect it with social media and additionally real time. What if we film something in summer now and when its released its raining? What happens then? Those were question I was asking myself but then I learned while shooting that its actually a lot of fun. Nhungi: Especially the social media aspect was a concept that did not exist in Germany before and accordingly it was still a little unclear in the beginning. Like, ok what is being recorded and what is going to be posted/published? We ourselves had improvised everything of the social media content. It was like “ok they go to the park and have fun.” But we improvised our lines and what everyone was doing. A lot of very funny situations happened this way but you also felt “ok this is something completely new” and you don´t really know how to handle it. And there was also the aspect that many people saw Kieu My and Isi as real people and we were even addressed on the street as Isi and Kieu My. Which is not a problem overall…- Eren: it was a little weird. (laughs) Nhungi: … yeah but then I was asked where my girlfriend Fatou is and then I was a bit like aaahhh oops. But otherwise I found it very interesting because our generation is on the internet a lot and tries out a lot and therefore its important for Druck to be sharing important things through these channels. The first time I ever experienced something like like this was with iCarly. Its was a TV-series but at the same time you could access a website and for example could chat with the characters. And this was kind of developed further with Druck. You were able to see almost everything of the characters, even private chats. And it was possible that certain topics, like climate change for Mailin, which had no room in the other characters POVs in the series, could be shared via social media. Eren: It`s maybe also important to say that we have no access to the IG accounts. Its social media managers… - Naomi: me for example. Eren: …Naomi for example. Naomi: I was able to see all dms. (laughs) Aidan: tell us more. Naomi: uhm many love declarations to Josh. Very cute. And generally, many questions “how are you right now, Nora? Is everything ok?”. So there was this assumption that is was a real person or the question “is this real or is this just acting?”. So it became clear that this world was experienced as an authentic world and the fans are very emotionally invested when the characters are going through a crises. This is an effect of the real time concept and that the clips are released one by one. So only about 5 minute long clips are posted and then there is silence for a few days and you have to wait for the next clip. That was intense and interesting to see. Some also shared personal stories and we tried to react to this in a appropriate way. So if there was a call for help for example also in the youtube comments, there was always a big care-aspect for the community management.

[gryficowa]

You know what? I have a game that I call myself "My own lost media", because no matter who I ask (In my country) it cannot give me the correct answer (Usually what it mentions is not what I am looking for), google doesn't help me either, so great, here I will describe what I remember (I was a kid when I played it, so the graphics may differ, but I'm 100% sure the game was 2D)

In my country there was a site where there were games and this game was in the cover of an MMO (Although it was not in this genre, I'm sure of that)

Now it's not in this cover, I know it because I checked

I will give a description of what I remember: The game was in 2D, my memory tells me that it had a style similar to anime, although I cannot say if it was 100% this style, but it was similar and that's why I mention it

The game started with choosing a character (Gender and her appearance), the character appeared in the class photo (In the school suit, as my memory is not crazy, it was navy blue), the character moved into the city (To such a high block, next to it there was a bar, when you went to it, you met characters, I remembered that apart from the waitress, there was only one female figure, the rest were boys, I think there were five / six of them together)

One of the girls in the bar took you shopping (Regardless of what gender your character was, I checked it, I played it a few times, but I still didn't remember the title, once I didn't pay attention to the name of the game and I remembered the thumbnails, but now it is I don't even remember it and unfortunately it had its negative effects, as you can see)

I played the game when I didn't have an account, which caused me to reset and all progress disappeared, so I know that no matter what gender your character was, it didn't change much anyway, in the game it took some time to walk (I mean, it didn't have to be to wait, but in the game it worked so much that time passed, so you had to be careful to come home soon enough, because then yours slept too long and well, you had little time, in short)

Apparently you could buy a vehicle to move faster, but I could never afford to buy it, so I could walk, the view from the game was from above and you mainly used the mouse to move (You were choosing a place and there was a message how long will it take, as I mentioned, there was no need to wait)

I mentioned the bar, you could visit the characters who stayed there (In their house), if you pressed a plant or a pet it supplemented the needs of the character you controlled, you could buy food in the bar, because if you didn't buy it, the character couldn't go to sleep and wake up too late again (Sounds logical)

There was also a work and school option, but it was available once a day for a few days, because then it was popping up that you can't, because you have zero days to do it (Maybe if I had an account there, maybe it would work differently, I don't know, as I mentioned, I didn't have an account and the game was resetting)

I don't know what else to add to describe it better, but not all places were available, because it would take too long to reach them, and without a vehicle, it was impossible to get there (There weren't any buses in the game, but maybe I I did not notice)

To this day, I do not know what the name of this game was (For obvious reasons), and when I ask people from my country, they do not know, or they give another game that is not what I am looking for, google did not help me in any way, although I wrote all possible passwords, someone wrote to me that the game could be called "Student's Life" and I found this game, but there was such a problem, that the game did not work, there was a white screen and nothing else, so I do not know if this is the game, because when I entered the title, the sims and other games popped up where this thing appears

Hence, this clue is flawed, because I do not know if it was called that or not, the game does not work, there is no ss, there is nothing, the game is just gone and there is no

The game has simply evaporated and I cannot find it anywhere, there is a greater chance that I will get more answers on the foreign Internet than on the Polish one, which is why I describe the game here, I can not throw anything out of my memory, there were speech bubbles (Because the characters with each other they talked like that), I don't remember the names, I don't remember anything but the gender of the characters, nothing, I just don't remember anything, the only thing I didn't mention was the possibility of being in a relationship with a character in this game, but I don't know if that can help me find this game, I've been looking for it for a long time and nothing, no consequences

I started calling this game "Lost media" for a reason, because it is such a case (At least for me)

And there were a lot of situations where many games that were lost in the media at some point found themselves (You could not always play them, but there were gamplays and the title of the game itself), I do not count on being able to play the game (Looking at for a flash plug), but at least I would feel that after so long I know the name of this game and this type, the game was a browser, so that's where I mentioned the flash plug, because I don't know if this game would work at all

I don't know if the translator translated it all correctly, unfortunately, I can't correct everything when I'm not sure if it's correct or not

Nevertheless, I can hope that it is all reasonably clear

[mychapel-004]

body double: chapter five

“He couldn’t seem to remember the time Before, when they were victim to the strange creatures that seemed intent on invading the trio’s house, ripping away every sense of safety or comfort the three of them had, unable to fight back. All he could remember was the feeling. Fear, real and tangible, making Harry’s blood pump faster even at a vague memory of it, horrible things they’d all done, been forced to do. Ever-present nausea, paranoia at every waking moment, surrendering to the chaos just to forget the disorientation of rational thought.”

read on ao3:https://archiveofourown.org/works/42129702/chapters/106203846

“Hey, nice grip!”

“Thank you!”

The trio sit expectantly at the computer table, raring to get online and start their computer day.

“And the password?” Harry asks Manny, glancing at the excited boy. He’s sitting on his regular chair, arms leaned forward onto the desk as he taps his fingers on it rhythmically, before his face scrunches slightly into confusion.

“Me? But I…I don’t know the password.”

“What? That’s your only thing! You came up with it!” Robin squawks, pointing to the chore chart on the wall. “Look, you’re meant to remember it!”

Manny stares at the poster before admitting defeat, with a disheartened “Oh. Yeah…”

“Well, what is it? Come on, think it through.” Harry encourages, ignoring the impatient huffing of the bird on his other side. Manny’s eyes wander around the room as he thinks, eyebrows furrowed in concentration.

“Hurry up, we need to get online! I don’t want people going around saying we’re not

online-“

“Well, I’m trying!”

Robin scoffs at that, rolling his felted eyes and crossing his arms in annoyance. He doesn’t know why they even decided to let Manny be the password-rememberer. It seemed like a lapse of judgement at the very least.

“Maybe… maybe it’s my name? Try my name!”

Harry complies, carefully typing out the youngest’s name, hitting the enter button. The screen flashes red in response, Colin’s smooth electronic voice congratulating them for their attempt. Manny deflates slightly, returning to his concentration. Harry swears he can smell rubber burning as he watches the smaller close his eyes tightly to think.

“I know! Try my name!”

Harry is sceptical, he’s pretty sure he couldn’t remember the password being any of their names, that seemed like quite a bad password. Nonetheless, he types out the duck’s name, preparing for another failure as he hits enter.

“Congratulations!”

The trio cheer, Manny perking up from his deep thought.

“Your account has been blocked!”

Their excitement dies a quick, quick death.

“But don’t worry! You can still get online! I just have to ask you a few questions to make sure you’re really you!”

Colin’s happy tone cheers the three back up, despite the ominous undertone of the statement.

“Of course we’re us! …Aren’t we?” Robin asks quietly, looking down at the desk. Harry slides his hand across the smooth surface, into Robin’s view to grab his attention.

“Yeah, we are.”

He’s met with a nod before Colin’s screen captures Robin’s attention again, the question seemingly forgotten about. For good measure, Harry shifts in his chair, moving slightly closer to the small bird next to him, a reminder that he’s there as Robin navigates the questions on the screen with the comically large mouse in his hands.

Harry and Manny watch intently as Robin completes the challenges, mouse slipping at the last second as he fails the final question. The duck groans in frustration, lightly banging the table with his feathered hand as he demands a rematch from the computer.

“Oh well… I guess computer day is cancelled this year…”

Manny’s face drops, an expression of guilt forming on his face. “Oh, this is all my fault! Why can’t I remember the password?”

“Stupid brain, I know it’s in there! Stupid, Stupid-” He slaps his forehead lightly, as if blunt force trauma would help him remember better. Harry catches his small hand before it hits harder, bringing it down to the boy’s lap again.

“Hey come on, it’s not your fault!” Harry meets Manny’s eyes, speaking softly. The boy looks up to him, a new feeling bubbling up inside him. Something warm and gentle and nice, wiping away his guilt and bringing a sweet, nervous smile to his fa-

“You’re just a @$%!$*& %@&%@^”

Manny’s face drops, his hand coming up to his chest in offence. Harry’s tone was matter of fact, still gentle despite his insults.

“Yeah! You can’t help it, you’re just a £$^&*@! @£$!%^” Robin joins in, his voice equally as encouraging, giving Manny the most confusing whiplash of his life. That wasn’t a very nice thing to say.

Manny tries to respond, but finds himself frozen as he opens his mouth. The other two seem similarly stuck in time, still as statues other than their eyes darting around as some… small, strange fleshy thing walks into frame.

+++

“Hold on, are you saying we’re the bad friends?”

“It’s him who couldn’t remember the password!”

“Oh really?” The worm slithers its way onto the computer desk, prompting Robin to move his chair back slightly as the creature gestured judgementally at the two older housemates. His pitchy, criticizing voice was beginning to really get on Robin’s nerves, and that was saying something considering Robin’s own voice.

“So even though I’m not technically affiliated with the Ok Stop organisation, you don’t think I’d know when I saw a bad friendship-“

“Eurgh, he’s some sort of freelancer.”

“Freelancer deserve to die!” Colin’s autotuned voice rings.

“They go on fire!” Manny added, the computer on the desk blinking affirmatively in response.

“Just! Just stop talking among yourselves! Okay- just pay attention. Right, now-“

The worm-thing seemed irritated, wrestling for control over the group of four. Harry sighed as he went on about some story or other, leaning down slightly towards the other two to whisper.

“I hate this guy.”

Robin hums quietly in agreement, seeming quite tired of the whole thing too. This one didn’t seem as forceful or mean as the others, he was just a bit pathetic.

Manny doesn’t answer, seemingly lost in thought as he stares forward blankly.

Harry hasn’t ever been the biggest fan of songs. Especially not the ones that the weird people forced on them. This one definitely had to be a new low though.

The pink thing continues somehow unsuccessfully chasing the beat of his own song while Harry looked to the two beside him. Manny seems to be idly bobbing his head to the rhythm, entertained enough by the performance. Robin, on the other hand, is clearly agitated, stealing glances at the computer screen every few seconds, impatiently tapping his knees. He catches Harry looking, leaning into the red felt of his side to whisper.

“What is this?”

Harry shrugs, not quite sure what he’s meant to be looking at either. “His backstory?”

“We’re supposed to be online…” Robin huffs, frowning. Harry agrees, they are sort of busy right now. He taps Robin’s arm casually as he stands, the smaller smiling slightly in response to the contact.

“Excuse me? Excuse-“

The worm’s strained singing interrupts him, no sign of stopping any time soon. Enough was enough, Harry wanted to check his emails.

“Yeah, sorry, but we just do not have time for whatever this is.” Harry unplugs the keyboard, wandering back to his seat as the worm stutters, trying to regain his place in his presentation, to no avail. The three of them, including Colin, were all clearly tired of this ‘performance’, cutting him off at every opportunity. It felt good, Harry liked the control they seemed to have now.

He couldn’t seem to remember the time Before, when they were victim to the strange creatures that seemed intent on invading the trio’s house, ripping away every sense of safety or comfort the three of them had, unable to fight back. All he could remember was the feeling. Fear, real and tangible, making Harry’s blood pump faster even at a vague memory of it, horrible things they’d all done, been forced to do. Ever-present nausea, paranoia at every waking moment, surrendering to the chaos just to forget the disorientation of rational thought.

This wasn’t ideal. But it was better. Somehow sitting here with his family on either side of him, watching this ugly parasite try to get a word in edgeways, felt like progress. They were moving forwards again.

The only thing that mattered now was that they kept moving.

“But, I can hear you asking, how could a confident, handsome worm- EAGLE, have trouble making friends? Good question-“

“Is it because of the way you look?”

Manny snorted a little at Harry’s response, as Robin elbowed him lightly in the side, poorly hiding his own snicker. The worm slowly turned around, beady eyes wide and focused directly on Harry, voice almost quivering.

“The… way I-“

“You know, sort of lumpy, and red raw?”

“Well- well that’s-“

“Is it because you look like a bit of a bigger animal that fell off or was removed and then came to life?”

“It’s actually-“

“No, more like an old person’s finger!”

“Reminds me of an infection I had up my a-“

Harry grins under his yarn. They were definitely moving forward.

“Is it the voice?”

“He looks like a tumor!”

“And he stinks…”

“I know! It’s because you have beady eyes! Like a rat! Oh…”  Manny turns back around to the computer, suddenly lost in thought again.

“Or you’re just generally unlikeable in a way that’s hard to pin down?”

The worm’s eyes look almost popped out of his skull as he stares at the trio, shaking wildly, strange whimpering noises emanating from his ajar mouth.

“What’s… he doing?”

“Looks like he’s in pain?” Robin replies, head craning to the side as he stares at the strange, insane looking creature.

“I think he’s dying.” Manny adds, tapping Harry’s shoulder, or rather as close to his shoulder as he can reach.

“I’m actually laughing!” The worm tries to claim, a shaky, uncertain laugh blending with his words to prove his point. Robin’s head cranes further to the side. “If I was bothered by that sort of thing do you think I’d be laughing about it? No!” His voice becomes more forced as he continues, cracking every few words, his hands trembling in either fear or anger, Robin isn’t sure which.

“And you know why that doesn’t bother me? Because I have something called-“

“Rateyes!!”

“No! Not rateyes-“

“That’s it! That’s the password!” Manny jumps up, expression joyful as he holds his hands up to emphasize his discovery.

Harry types it in, using one hand to ruffle the youngest’s fluffy hair, patting his head as a “good job”. The trio get back in their seats, turning their back on the worm as Colin begins to lead them through the Information Highway

+++

“Well, you can get him out, can’t you? You’re a little… worm guy-“

“Eagle.”

“Just wriggle on in.”

The youngest housemate sits slumped in his chair, face stretched and melted unnaturally, slowly pooling down his face as if his features were made of wet clay. Robin sits beside him, a hand tentatively rested on his shoulder, trying to hide the slight worry in his face. Sure, this kind of thing happened all the time between them, and they always bounced back from it but this was just… different. He didn’t like looking at whatever had happened to Manny’s face, but he also just couldn’t look away. Like a car crash he was watching in slow motion.

“Yeah, use your training! Wake him up!” He orders at the worm next to the door, the force in his voice not quite coming through, quiet worry and concern overtaking his normally harsh tone. Harry shoots a glance in his direction, watching Robin’s hand cupping Manny’s shoulder, comforting a young boy who was no longer really there.

“I’m afraid… that’s not really part of the service.” Warren awkwardly speaks, edging out of the open door.

“What service? Do something!” Panic creeping into his voice, Robin turns to Harry, directing the words more to him than to the wimp in the corner. Something about the look in Robin’s eyes as he darts between studying the youngest’s face and pleading with Harry kicks him into action.

“Fine. Go.” Harry coldly spits, turning his back on the creature by the door. Robin looks at him, confused, but Harry meets his eyes, trying to convey that he had a handle on the situation with his very limited facial expression ability.

“I guess you don’t want to have that restaurant style meal after all…”

Robin meets his eyes again, a small smirk on his face as the worm by the door took the bait, before turning his attention back to the collapsing pile of Manny next to him.

+++

“Is he… dancing?”

“He better not be, I thought he was supposed to wake him up.”

Robin pulls away from Manny, watching the deterioration continue to cause decay to his body. Harry seemed to study the boy similarly, unsure of what to do from here. Thankfully, the previously quiet computer seemed to perk up at the silence.

“Sounds like you’re having some trouble! Anything I can help with?” Colin pipes up, his electronic rasp reminding the other two that it was still, in fact, computer day.

“Of course!” Robin gestures Harry over to the computer again, letting the taller man take the lead. Harry cracks his knuckles slightly, getting ready for some intensive research.

“What… is… going… wrong… with… that… one…brackets... face… is… longer… than… it… should… be… Wow, two million results!”

“Well, that’s too many.”

“What about this one? ‘Mr Bushman can help dot com’”

The two were met with a website interface containing an animation of a professional looking man in a doctor’s coat, his face kind and understanding, asking them what the problem was.

“That one’s broken!”

Both of them turn to face the youngest, seeing the slow melt of his facial features progressing into a more… medium speed melt.

“I’m sorry to hear that-“

“Thank you!” Harry elbows Robin in the side at that, quieting him.

“Please answer these simple questions and I’ll have a diagnosis for you in no time!”

“Great, we’re a bit worried.” At this, Robin shifts closer to Harry. Not close enough to touch him, but enough to spark Harry’s heart into motion. He knows it’s just out of worry, something to bring him and the duck a little comfort, but his brain misfires at the feeling of soft feathers almost brushing his side.

After a while of answering questions, the two receive an answer from the very confusing doctor-man, confirming the problem. Brain worms.

“Right.”

Robin stands from his chair, pulling it over to sit by Manny’s side, an almost sinister look lighting up his face.

“Fetch me my gouging tools!”

+++

Manny floated through the air in his inner dream world, relishing in the feeling of freedom he’d never felt before. There was a sense of comfort that came with being surrounded by his own subconscious, completely safe as he takes in the bright, dream-like colours and shapes floating through the air with him.

His mind felt disconnected, like his head had been filled with cotton, bouncing around freely in every direction. It was safer in here than out there, no risk of making any mistakes, no rejection, no loud sounds or mean words or scary worm people.

He continues to float, his senses absent as he surrenders himself to the feeling of nothingness, until he hears a horrible, visceral burrowing sound echoing around the space. He looks down, seeing that ugly, ugly worm following him, angry words coming from his mouth and not reaching Manny’s ears as he panics, vision darkening until he’s stuck in the pitch black.

He's running, and suddenly nothingness gives way to everything. He can feel the pounding of his blood in his ears, his footsteps punching against the ground as he sprints, cold nipping at his cheeks and fingers, the dark seeming endless and infinite. Warren’s voice echoes around him, bombarding his senses from every direction, overwhelming him to the point of tears.

He isn’t his brain self anymore, he’s real and terrifyingly vulnerable, avoiding an enemy he has no way of seeing, Warren’s echoes coming from inside his own head. He stops running as his sprint catches up to him, lungs pulling in cold air almost painfully, breath wheezing as the adrenaline builds in his blood, tremors wracking through his body.

He turns, shaking like a leaf as he hears an awful squelching sound behind him, taking in how deep the darkness around him truly is, suffocating him like he’s standing at the bottom of the ocean. He calls out Warren’s name, his real friends no longer here, no longer able to save him, praying that he might be able to plead with the creature to let him go. The darkness seems to compress as he catches a glimpse of something, something huge, filling his lungs with suffocating emptiness, breathing turning into hyperventilation, brain not getting enough oxygen.

The monster appears in front of him, towering over the boy a hundred times over, grotesque and looming, raring for the kill. It slithers forward, oozing it’s way towards him, right at the moment it is impaled, some divine intervention stabbing a needle straight through its skull, sending gore splattering onto Manny’s face. He barely has time to react before he’s pulled, suddenly lurching to his feet as the living room lights blind him, stumbling back into consciousness at the feeling of Harry’s hands steadying him.

+++

“Well, sorry we didn’t get to hang out much. I guess there’s always computer day next year?”

Colin stands by the door, ready to leave with his briefcase. He shakes his head at Harry’s words, permanent smile etched on his face.

“Watching how much you guys care for each other has taught me the value of friendship!” A graphic lights up his screen, emphasizing his words. Manny looks at his feet, deep in thought once again.

“Here, from now on, you can go online whenever you want using this special computer I made for you!”

“Wow!” Robin cheers, turning to look at Harry the same exact moment Harry turns to look at him, offering the tall man a little smile.

“I love you. Goodbye!” Colin exclaims, a beating heart graphic painted across his screen, glitches crackling the air as he leaves, phasing through the closed door.

Manny speaks up as Colin leaves the room, his voice nervous and quiet, his eyes staying glued to his feet as Robin and Harry turn, giving him their full attention.

“Wait, so we are friends?” he practically mumbles, playing with his fingers as Harry and Robin share a look.

“Yeah?”

“Of course!”

Manny lifts his eyes, looking at the two older housemates leaned towards him, eyes warm and understanding.

“But I thought you guys hated me for being stupid in the head?” His childlike drawl is especially present as he mumbles, somewhat embarrassed by his assumption.

“Come on, don’t be silly! That’s just the worm in your brain. Like you said, we’re a family.”

Manny processes this information as the other two softly sing, something about worms and brains and denim. There’s a lightness in his chest, the feeling he gets when Harry reads him a bedtime story or Robin explains something interesting to him, when someone pats his hair or tucks him in or calls his name. He nods his head to the rhythm, closing his eyes as he sways, feeling like he’s floating through the clouds in his dreamland again until he falls off balance, slipping off his chair and into the minicomputer on the floor.

“You idiot!”

“What? Don’t say that to me, I didn’t mean to!”

“What’s going on now?”

“Oh shut up!”

“Hey, you said you weren’t gonna talk to him like that anymore!”

“Oh, you’re turning on me?”

“He ruined it! Now I’m never gonna see that skeleton!”

“Oh boo hoo!”

“I hate you!”

“Here we go again!”

“Ow!”

“What- I’M DEALING WITH IT.”

“Aah!”

“I told you both already I don’t want to do this anymore!”

“He’s crazy!”

“You guys don’t even listen!”

“He hit me!”

“I am done!”

“You’re talking?”

“You don’t even think twice about it!”

“Come here!

“Aaaaah!”

“You ever ever talk to him like that again-“

“You little pig!”

“Get back off me!”

“You’re all morons, MORONS-“

“Bastard!”

“I’ll kill you!”

“Oh really!”

[c4ndyf4gg0t]

I've been struggling for a long time. It's too late to help me, for me to get the mental health help I need. I've needed it for years but I've waited too long, I'm out of time. I grew up kinda similar to Leelah Alcorn, with conservative homophobic parents while being a gay kid, eventually trans. I knew since I was 4 that I was meant to be a boy, I just didn't know exact words for it. (I got in trouble once for telling friends at preschool to stand up and pee, like boys do)

Ten years later I realized there was a word for it, that I was trans. Ever since I was 8, I knew I liked girls. I had a crush by the time I was 10 on one of my best friends. I had made her a bracelet with word charms, together the charms said "I love you, Shine". Her name was Cheyenne, but "Shine" was my nickname for her, as I grew up in Tennessee and ended up with a southern accent. I left the bracelet on the desk she was next to and walked out of the classroom, just to find out some bullies had found it and wouldn't let it go, since the girl had stopped being my friend before that and I wanted to at least let her know I had feelings for her. That was my first time being rejected.

A couple years later in 7th grade at age 12, I came out to a group of friends I had. The majority were fine with me being gay but a few of them hated me for it, and ultimately the friendships ended that year.

When my mom found the notebook where the friends and I wrote notes to each other and I had come out, she came into my room and yelled at me that "it's not Eve and Eve, it's Adam and Eve". So I learned never to come out to her, to stay closeted.

A year later I started Xtian private school and never actually had friends bc they were the popular girls or the homophobic ones.

The next year I got kicked out of school my freshman year for posting on facebook that I was bisexual. All the other kids could post pictures on fb in short shorts or comment on each other's posts and call each other gay, with no consequences.

But the second someone actually turned out to not be straight, suddenly they're not allowed to go to the school anymore.

The principal called me to the office and asked me if I knew why I was in there. I said no. He told me someone who was facebook friends with me, their parent had gotten onto their account and had seen that I wasn't straight, and made it a point to call him late the night before school to tell him.

I was accused of lying bc I didn't know the password to my facebook since my mom had changed it without telling me. The person whose laptop I used, his wife ended up being my English / homeroom teacher my senior year, so I was always suspicious of if she knew what happened when I was 14.

I was told to write a letter to the principal, the school, and the pastor to apologize for "ruining their reputation". I actually ended up just bullshitting the apology letter, writing it without meaning a word, although by that point I didn't care anymore.

I went back the next school day, a Monday, and gave the letter to the principal. He read it, and suspended me until later. I don't remember how many days.

I was suspended the rest of the year. People from the church somehow spread it around that I was kicked out of school for being bisexual, and the ones with kids acted as if I had AIDS and had forbidden their kids from talking to me.

My parents told me they and I had to meet with the church's assistant pastor after that night's service.

We met with him and he accused me of having sex with men and women (grown adults) as a child, and told me I was going to hell, an abomination against God.

My parents rarely let me get online so I didn't have much contact with anyone outside of my immediate family. My stepdad would stand behind me while I was online, reading anything and everything I was looking at, including when I first got onto Tumblr, when I tried looking up trans people bc I knew I was trans. He told my mom I was looking up "nasty" things.

Eventually being homeschooled, I realized I was transgender and went by Toni and then Shawn. I wasn't sure how I chose the name but it seemed to fit me.

The next year I went back to school and met 2 people who were my best friends only bc I would've had no one. They were homophobic and transphobic. Even mocked Day of Silence after I explained it to them.

There was a guy 2 years older than me who turned out to be gay, as well as a girl 1 year younger than me and another guy 2 years younger than me, both extremely homophobic in school towards me, who eventually came out as gay themselves.

The high school only had 1 hallway, with 1 teacher per grade and the kids would switch classes.

During class change, I had to hear 3 guys who knew why I was suspended walk past me and call me homophobic slurs every day. I knew it was towards me bc no one else was outwardly gay, as if I even had a choice. I couldn't tell a teacher what was going on or I would've been suspended from school again just for trying to get help with being called slurs and being treated like I was less than human.

I eventually graduated from the school. Once I graduated, I posted on facebook and came out as transgender. Someone on there saw and outed me to my sister who outed me to my mom. Later on, my mom yelled at me and asked me why I wanted to be an ugly man.

In 2015, I met and dated a guy who would later sexually assault me and 2 years later r word me. Had I stayed with him, I would've been r worded often as he didn't think consent was important. I realized in June 2022 that he had r worded me, but that was 5 years after he did it.

I have a girlfriend right now and I'm struggling to make it through every day bc I just can't deal with every single day. I blame my parents and my siblings. I blame them and I don't care if they deny it. I know that suicide might be my choice but I am not the only guilty one, the only one at fault for what led up to it. I hate staying alive with everything I have to deal with. I shouldn't even be fronting but I don't know what to do.

I know 2017 is my fault and I know I should've been gone when I was 16. I guess this is just me making up for it now.

[erinravenseeker]

Heads up, new scam call method going around:

I got a call ostensibly from eBay. They used my name and said there was an order that had been made in a completely different country. This sounds legitimate enough so far: a transaction being made in a different country is something that would alert someone and lead to some sort of verification process. I don’t know enough about eBay’s process for these things to know if this was right or not.

I was unable to remember if I actually HAD an eBay account, but I suspected the answer was no, which led me to approach the situation with caution. She very carefully and formally asked me to confirm that I wanted the order cancelled, which again, seemed legit enough.

Then she informed me that this is likely some sort of hack. This is the lead-in: the hack must be related to your IP address and I can help you secure your internet.

They very carefully don’t tell you what all the steps to “fixing the problem” are before actually taking you through it. I told her I wasn’t near a computer at the moment (lie) and she said that wasn’t a problem. She got as far as telling me to open a browser window, and then asked whether my phone was an iPhone or Android. This is information that should not be necessary, and I hung up straight after.

The next obvious indicator that I was right was when she immediately called back but the phone number was different, and came from a different location (still in my country). This means they’re spoofing (faking) numbers and are definitely not calling from an official source.

You can never be 100% sure who you’re speaking to. Here’s a list of things you SHOULD do in this exact situation, to make sure someone isn’t scamming you:

1. Check your account yourself. If they’re calling you about an incomplete transaction then you should be able to get online and see it for yourself. I wasn’t sure I even had an account, so this wouldn’t have worked for me.

2. Ask them for information related to your account. I should have immediately asked them to confirm details they should have access to. SPECIFICALLY ask them to tell you what your account number is, or the last few numbers on your linked credit card. DO NOT read out the numbers yourself; THEY need to prove they have access to this information.

3. Check the phone number or policies on their website. EBay has no listed number but it handily tells me “eBay is unlikely to make unannounced calls to you about your account.” and that if I do get a call I should check that they also sent me some sort of email or message. There is none, so this is a scam.

4. Hang up if they try to ‘help’ you with account security. To be clear, when I say this I specifically mean if they try to guide you through any kind of process. Their job should be customer support, not tech support. The most they should be telling you to do is change your password and enable two-factor authentication. They rely on most people not knowing enough about technology to be worried and confused by anything more complicated. Fortunately, I am a compsci student. If they say the words IP address, congrats: it’s a scam.

5. Hang up and see if they call back. If they’re legit, they probably will. If they’re a scammer who thinks they’ve got you on the hook, they’ll do the same. If the number that calls you back is different, they’re likely spoofing (and forgot to turn the randomiser off) and it’s a scam. If the number is the same, that’s inconclusive: may be legit, but don’t trust fully. Refer to points 1 and 2.

6. Call the company yourself! Ring up whatever customer support number is ACTUALLY listed on their official website, and say hi I think I might’ve gotten a scam call. If it’s legit, they should be able to route you through to get help again. If not, they’ll have no record of a problem on your account and you’ll know it was a scam. It’s better to be sure you called the right person first.

It’s important to always always know who you’re talking to before dealing with any sensitive information, or making ANY modification to how your computer runs. Don’t just trust someone at their word: knowing your name isn’t enough to confirm that they’re legit any more. Double-check everything, and stay safe out there.