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another-dra-anew · 3 years

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Chapter 1: Behind the Scenes!

To celebrate the end of Chapter 1, have some behind the scenes info! From various fun facts, screenshots from my working process, to explanations for how I worked out the trial, and snippets of conversations had with people who have spoilers.

Under the cut, to keep from spoiling anyone!

Fun Facts

-I only thought of the detail regarding Kurokawa fighting back (the spilled brown sugar) as I was writing that post! I just figured it would be nice to add in, and helpful to show later that Kurokawa was attacked in the Dining Hall -The exorcism scene would’ve actually happened, and I did briefly plan it, but I figured it may raise too many death flags, and just didn’t end up working it into my post schedule. Also, Maeda’s pendant he receives from Kurokawa in the prologue is based off of one of my own! -You were supposed to receive a gift from Kurokawa when her body is found, in the post stating that we’ve entered Deadly Life, but I forgot to include it when writing said post... Future gifts will be given when a student dies! For now though, they both get lumped in at the end of Nzo4s post -Speaking of Nzo4, I wonder why they were bleeding that much, and why we don’t seem to have had a casualty out of the thirteen members of current cast!

Post Schedule

Aforementioned briefly in section above, Fun Fact two! I use this minimal post schedule to organize how things will go in order of how many FTEs, Maedas general schedule, when my events are, etc etc! It’s helpful to have that as a reminder, especially when I’m writing Maeda’s selections for where he’ll go! Look at what I had for Chapter 1 at the very end!

Victim + Culprit

In most Beta drafts, Kurokawa actually lived to the end, or at least Chapter 4! Once I had her and Inori set to die in Chapter 1 though, that stayed the same, even as minor revisions were made. Kurokawa was generally set as traitor, or was up to something strange, even taking canon Kisaragis place at one point, while Inori just rotated as I needed her too- she was Chapter 3 killer for a bit though. Chapter 1 was the very first chapter I finalized for who would die, the others continued to shift around some, but once I had this one down the way it is now, I was finished!

Case

Did anyone notice Maeda’s lie that got uncaught? He claimed everyone had given their alibi, and only a few were verifiable- but we never asked Higa or Mekaru about their alibis. There was originally a scene wherein Tsurugi returned to his room, which would help prove his innocence later, as Tomori accompanied him, and didn’t see any guns. I made numerous mini post schedules throughout the trial trying to outline just what I’d do next, but I ended up deviating from all- at one point, you’d have had the first rebuttal showdown against Yamaguchi,

Motive

I figured it’d be fun to put a spin on the typical “Oh noooo, your loved one” motive; the motive was specifically designed to target Inori, as she was while not the one most likely to solve murders, the one most likely to prevent a death, due to her medical skills. Other characters are decent at First-Aid, but Inori stands alone as the sole person equipped to fix, let’s say, a stab to the spine, or to the lung. Here’s the full list of who everyone saw in their videos! Sibling(s): Maeda, Kurokawa, Maki, Uehara, Yamaguchi, Iranami Friend(s): Mekaru, Taira, Parent(s): Otori, Higa, Full family: Tsurugi, Kobashikawa, Tomori, Hatano No one: Inori

Execution Tidbits

The title (Adam of Loving Labor) is inspired by a line from Frankenstein! “I ought to be thy Adam, but I am rather the fallen angel.” The original execution concept for Inori involved her operating on herself, being told that if she could save a certain amount of peoples lives, she’d be able to leave, having made up for what she had done, but she’d have to provide her own blood, organs, etc, in order to do it: However, upon removing the needed parts, it’d be revealed that she’d only help create more humanoid Monokumas. After an attempt to run while still extremely weak, she’d die of blood loss, and collapse, before being discarded of in some sort of way, with her corpse left to stay there, no one caring to come get her and mourn, showing how she was truly just disposable (in her view.) My decision to re-include Inori being operated on/having her organs used was really last minute- as I was finishing up her motive video post. For months, it would’ve ended with her dying as patient pushed her, due to wounds she had sustained while operating on him.

Quotes

From when it was thought Tsurugi was dead: “BRUH” “tfw everyone likes the optimism twink more than u so u try and get them all killed by killing him first” minor gore/head/brain trauma tw, in italics, skip whats italicized if that’d trigger you!: “haruhiko stomped on tsurugis head with his boots, thats what caused the wound” “how * stomp* dare * stomp* you * stomp* beat * stomp* teruya * stomp* you * stomp* bitch * stomp stomp stomp*" “haru walkin round the halls with tsurugi brain matter on his gucci boots “ all from one person - “shaFUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK /// AHHHHHH /// TSU!!!!!!!!!! /// FUCK YOU. IVE GENUINELY NEVER BEEN SO CRUSHED BY A CHARACTER DEATH BEFORE When it was discovered he was alive “MY SWEET BOY? HEZ ALIVE” “HE NEEDS HELP BUT IF WE GO WHAT IF HE DIES ALONE WAAA” “i was originally gonna post the "tsu is fucking dead" post and then the investigation post right after it but. decided a few hours of pain is good for the soul”

Misc

I’ll take note of some more of these to include next time, but a line from Tsurugi, vs what it was when I was drafting the post, and didn’t write it out in full: Tsurugi - Hey, can everyone stop for a sec? It’s overwhelming to have that kinda reaction and attention on you, especially when already breaking down. Tsurugi - …Good, good, thank you all! Now, Maeda? You hear me okay? Look at me if you can; you don’t have to make eye contact, just look over here. Versus Tsurugi - maeda. stop being a bitch My favorite characters to write during trial: Inori, Higa, Tomori, Maeda My least favorite characters to write during trial: Tsurugi, Hatano It was nice to explore Inoris dialogue, and how she’d try to subvert the trial to point fingers at someone else, and then setting up the other characters reactions and the like was very fun! I Hate Writing Hatano. I’m stupid and always forget her characterization so she feels bland, and like she doesn’t stand out... I redesigned her some, but right as the trial came to close... Then with Tsurugi, I worried too much about him coming across as a all-knowing character there to save the day.

Screenshots

i actually dont have anymore screenshots whoopsie 3 anywayss be on the lookout for more stuff ™ coming your way soon!

#dra #behind the scenes #dra behind the scenes #spoilers

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tisthenightofthewitch · 5 years

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THE NEXT CHAPTER: TOBIAS FORGE AND THE FUTURE OF GHOST

Their Kerrang! Award-winning fourth album Prequelle took Ghost from cult concern to global superstars. But the arena-filling congregation of fans is growing restless for clues as to what’s next for Cardinal Copia, Papa Nihil and the ministry. Let Tobias Forge, then, take you behind the mask and into the making of – and future plans for – a band like no other…

The WaMu Theater, Thursday 19 September. Last night this venue – attached to the side of CenturyLink Field, the home of the Seattle Seahawks NFL team – played host to the ‘Groover from Vancouver’ himself, Bryan Adams. Tomorrow it’s the turn of the Pacific Northwest city’s beloved sons, grunge legends Alice In Chains, for their last show in support of their sixth album, Rainier Fog. Tonight, though, Seattle gets the latest ritual on Ghost’s extensive Ultimate Tour Named Death.

Despite this morbid moniker, the scene inside the building is one of lively activity, with techs rushing around to finish the show’s elaborate staging. The house lights illuminate the stained glass window backdrop, while the seating, flat on the floor and sweeping upwards towards the back, furthers the illusion we’re in a vast church. Just then, Tobias Forge, the man whose job it is to address tonight’s 5,000-strong congregation appears. Kerrang! doesn’t notice him at first given the ninja-like silence of his approach, but there’s an intensity to his presence in these make-or-break moments of preparation.

“I’m interested in tour production, so I get to know a lot of these things,” he offers matter-of-factly. “I’m sure I only get to know about 40 per cent of it, but I notice if things aren’t in place.”

As a nine-year-old child, Tobias used to watch the documentary 25x5: The Continuing Adventures Of The Rolling Stones on repeat. The film charts the rock legends’ genesis in 1962 and their steep, heady ascent to becoming the biggest band in the world, circa their 1989 album Steel Wheels. Tobias considers their subsequent Bridges To Babylon Tour (1997-1998), which made more than $274 million and became the second-highest grosser of all time, to be the greatest ever piece of rock staging, and he was evidently taking notes even then. As a result of the level of professionalism he aspires to, you get the distinct impression he’s not a man who suffers fools gladly in this setting – an idea he doesn’t go to great pains to dispel.

“I want to know who’s in the shit today,” he explains. “Who has been put in the situation where his or her job is compromised, because I don’t want to start yelling if it’s a case of, ‘Oh my truck didn’t arrive in time today,’ because then I’ll know what the problem is. If you want to be a good boss, it’s very important you keep things on your radar.

“I’ve definitely got into trouble over the years by being too nice to people and giving them too much slack,” he continues, surveying the operation. “When you do that it’s like with dogs: if you don’t tell them what the rules are, they start making up their own. That sounds horrible, but there are 40 people on this tour, so there has to be a line and a curriculum. I’m adamant about getting my vision through, especially now we’re in this transitional phase between theatres and arenas.”

This increase in scale reflects the continued upswing in Ghost’s popularity, which has seen them go from misunderstood cult band to metal superstar status in the space of less than a decade. Despite this success, Tobias clearly isn’t taking anything for granted. Ghost haven’t played Seattle for three years, but this time around they’re doing two shows in Washington State, the other being the one they played at the Toyota Center in Kennewick two days ago, which has a capacity of 6,000 – almost eight per cent of the city’s 80,000 population.

Tobias may or may not be referring to that show when he discusses his unbridled joy at recently playing in an unnamed city that doesn’t get a lot of large-scale entertainment coming through town, save for appearances from KISS, singer-songwriter Pat Benatar and a touring production of the musical Wicked in recent years.

“None of us had ever heard of this place, and I’m pretty good at geography,” he explains. “But I loved being the singular moment somewhere, instead of the seventh show they’d had there on that particular week.”

And while Tobias describes the resulting night as “phenomenal”, earlier in the day there was an “unforeseen curveball” when the company who were meant to be selling merch at the show pulled out at the last minute, citing Ghost’s satanic image for their decision. This was, of course, a throwback to earlier shows, such as one in the Texan city of Odessa in 2018, when a minister attempted to dissuade people from attending because of the band’s threat to the morals of good God-fearing people. Unsurprisingly, this outburst resulted in an increase in ticket sales.

Despite this more recent – and, these days, more unusual – blip, Tobias’ desire to cover as much ground as possible on tour this time around is inspired by his heroes in Iron Maiden and Metallica, who have long provided him with the blueprints for achieving and navigating monumental success. In this case, the lesson he’s putting into practice is that every location Ghost visit, without exception, should be treated the same.

“The most important thing to me on this tour is that we bring the same production to everyone,” he says. “They all get the full-fucking-monty, whether they’re in Sioux Falls [South Dakota] or New York.”

The walls backstage at the WaMu Theater are lined with Seahawks jerseys, personalised with the names of acts that have performed here, including The 1975, Bastille and Nas, and the rockier contingent featuring twenty one pilots, Halestorm and Dropkick Murphys. Various rooms lead off from these labyrinthine corridors, providing sizeable production offices for the band’s tour management and crew, all of who wear dapper black shirts, trousers and braces affixed with silver broaches of Ghost’s upside down cross insignia. They affectionately address Cardinal Copia as ‘Cardi C’ when he appears later for a fan meet-and-greet. Here, too, are the dressing rooms for the headliners and the opening act for this tour, San Antonio rockers Nothing More.

On all of the doors is a distinct A4 page, the day sheet for this show, which not only details what’s happening, where and when, but also includes a different tongue-in-cheek quote for the occasion. Today, for example, in recognition of the touring party travelling overnight to Vancouver for tomorrow’s show at the city’s Pacific Coliseum, we get this gem courtesy of Britney Spears: ‘The cool thing about being famous is travelling. I have always wanted to travel across seas, like to Canada and stuff.’

Tobias, of course, has actually travelled over oceans to be here. Nowadays he lives in Stockholm, the capital of his native Sweden, with his wife and their 11-year-old twins, but he was born in Linköping, the country’s seventh largest city, where the steeple of its 13th century cathedral dominated the skyline. That’s not what the young Tobias was fixating on, though. Instead, aged five, when he already knew he wanted to transform into another person, he’d stand outside his childhood home and gaze down the street. The sun always seemed to be hovering between the buildings at the end, like a fixed but intangible hand beckoning him to get on a plane and go somewhere else and be someone else.

“The days and options seemed limitless,” he recalls today. “For some reason I always thought of the world as being there for the taking, even though I didn’t have any access to that world.”

In spite of this, he felt a deep affinity with his heroes, like the Rolling Stones and Queen, who also came from places you didn’t automatically associate with being breeding grounds for rock gods.

“I felt similar to them, even if they grew up in Dartford [Rolling Stones] or an island off the coast of Africa [Zanzibar, the birthplace of Freddie Mercury]. I, too, felt out of touch with my surroundings, and knew I had a higher calling.”

Twenty-three years later, in 2009, Tobias realised he hadn’t made much headway in heeding this call. He’d been in bands from a young age, from death metallers Repugnant to alt-rockers Magna Carta Cartel. The latter featured Martin Persner and Simon Söderberg, who’d later appear as Nameless Ghouls in the first incarnation of Ghost. Söderberg, along with some other ex-ghouls, is now embroiled in an on-going lawsuit with Tobias over what they suggest are the rightful shares of profits they’re owed from their time in the band. Tobias doesn’t volunteer any information on this topic today, which is perhaps understandable given the considerable column inches already dedicated to it.

Regardless, none of those early bands provided Tobias with the success he needed to, say, quit the day job. He had then been working in a call centre, aiding people having trouble with their mobile phones. Despite spending his childhood endlessly sketching elaborate stage designs and lighting rigs, he still has little interest in technology, particularly mobile phones. Back in 2009 his personal life was happy and satisfying, having welcomed children with his then-girlfriend – now wife – though this potent reminder of the finite time we have drew his attention to the area of his life he recognised as falling short.

“I had an epiphany,” he explains, raising his hands as if sizing up an imaginary canvas. “I found myself very far from the path, so decided in the limited time I have to invest everything in the one thing out of all my [professional] options I believed most in, which was Ghost. I understood wholeheartedly what it was, the music and the image, and felt I could do it without my vanity coming in, because I didn’t like how I looked in pictures or the sound of my own voice. But this would be fiction, so that was fucking cool. So I took all of my eggs and put them in one basket and was back on track. For the first time in my fucking life I was really focused.”

For evidence of the dividends this paid, you need only look at the fact that just a year later, with the release of their 2010 debut album Opus Eponymous, Ghost exploded on to the scene, taking the first step to becoming metal’s hottest new hope.

Further proof of this focus comes today from interviewing Tobias somewhere there’s a screen showing news channel CNN. We’re in the band’s pre-show warm-up space, which is decked out with guitars, keyboards and an electric drum kit he removes the stool from to sit in the centre of the room. He admits if he were in a hotel room now, he could easily watch CNN for 24 hours straight. He doesn’t so much as turn his head to look at it now, though, giving his full attention to the interview at hand.

Even at 38, an age he says his kids consider “as old as shit”, he remains remarkably boyish looking. His dark and piercing eyes, however, belong to an older soul – and it may be Kerrang!’s imagination – but they appear to moisten at several points during this hour-long chat, particularly when connecting the dots between his past ambition and what he’s achieved today.

“I’m trying to recreate a lot of things that aren’t necessarily real,” he says mysteriously. “In my head they’re real, and I’ve been given this fantastic carte blanche where I don’t have to sit in a fucking call centre anymore and am applauded for getting to be someone else. It’s perfect for someone like me who has a fundamental problem with functioning normally in society. If it wasn’t for the fact I was doing this, I would be completely useless.”

When Ghost signed with their American record label, their mythology wasn’t the deep well of fascination it is today. In fact, there was nothing to it at all. They had a unique aesthetic and a sound that didn’t necessarily go with that look, something that would wrong-foot new listeners in the early days, but Tobias didn’t have an answer to why Ghost were the way they were.

“They said the music was great but asked, ‘What’s the story? What’s the biography?’” recalls Tobias. “I said there was no biography because there was no story to tell. I wanted people to throw themselves into the vision and make up their own. But in the end I had to come up with one, which is second nature to me now. Even [Norwegian black metallers] Mayhem had a story. In the early ‘90s, before the internet, there was something that compelled us to want to find out more and listen to their music.”

This mythology Tobias has developed over the years was furthered with the release of Ghost’s fourth album, last year’s GRAMMY-nominated Prequelle, which introduced Tobias’ latest incarnation, Cardinal Copia, a character fans have come to love if the number of $40 plush toys sold at the merch desk tonight is any indication. More recently, a web series on YouTube has added to the intrigue, with the latest episode harking back to 1969, when a young Cardinal Nihil was fronting Ghost at the launch of their EP, Seven Inches Of Satanic Panic. That just so happens to be the band’s latest release in 2019, which will also be available as part of Prequelle Exalted, a limited collector’s edition of the album. Meanwhile, The Ultimate Tour Named Death has introduced the EP’s two new songs, Mary On A Cross and Kiss The Go-Goat, to its set list.

While Ghost’s music has always tipped its papal tiara to the ‘60s, particularly its psychedelic leanings, the latter song in particular sees them take this interest a step further. How much can we glean from them, then, with regards to where Ghost goes next? Not too much, as it turns out, according to Tobias, who suggests, as with the YouTube series, it’s a way to deepen the story of Ghost spanning from the ’40s to the present day, without necessarily providing clues to the sound of album number five.

“It’s just there for shits and giggles,” he laughs, before revealing that Kiss The Go-Goat, a song that’s been knocking around for some time, actually had the working title ‘The Throwback Single’. “I grew up listening to ‘60s music like the Rolling Stones and The Doors, as well as metal. People shouldn’t read too much into this direction, though. The next album is going to be something completely different from that.”

Can Tobias perhaps give two words to describe where, musically or thematically, album number five is heading?

“I’d choose the words ‘fifth’ and ‘album’,” he replies with a wry smile, before justifying what seems like a diversionary tactic. “I look at many fifth albums as a guide as to the urgency for what that record will need to be, with [Iron Maiden’s] Powerslave being a great example. By the fifth album you’re at a point in your career where you have this momentum built up, and you have the expectancy of people depending on you, so you have to put something special in those many spotlights. You need to step up and make a record that’s worth it and justifies all of these things.”

Who, then, can we expect to see fronting these rituals in future?

“I just know that person will have the name Papa Emeritus IV. It will be the fourth Papa Emeritus. But who that is, we don’t know yet.”

We’re not sure we believe him, so push for more. Might we see Cardinal Copia graduating to Papa status? The latest episode of the web series seems to indicate the ‘Sister Imperator’ character and Papa Nihil conceived a child. Wouldn’t that make him part of the papal bloodline?

“I think that what you will get over the next year are a lot of answers to a lot of questions,” offers Tobias, keeping things vague.

Like the question of whether Sister is pregnant? (In the latest ‘chapter’ of the web series, Sister attacks a woman at a Ghost show for smoking next to her).

“We don’t know that yet. It would blow my mind if she was now,” he says, clearly referring to the elderly Sister in the present day. This suggests she could well be with child back in 1969, though.

Has Tobias sketched what this new Papa will look like?

“Have you ever seen The Big Lebowski?” he asks by way of an answer, referencing the scene in the Coen brothers’ classic where Jeff Bridges’ character, The Dude, spots someone drawing on a notepad. When the man leaves the room with the piece of paper, The Dude rushes to scribble on to the page below to reveal the outline of what’s been drawn, only to discover it’s a doodle of a cock and balls. “It’s something along those lines.”

Sensing Tobias is in full evasion mode by this point, we change tack. Perhaps understanding his ambitions, and whether there’s a summit to them, can shed some light on the future – especially as he seems more focused on what Ghost’s next album will do rather than what it will sound like.

“I wouldn’t necessarily compare [my ambitions] to what the Rolling Stones have done, because that was a completely different time under completely different circumstances. For the last 40 years they have sold tickets because of nostalgic reasons, and maybe 40 years in the future there would be a nostalgia element for Ghost, but I can’t count on that.”

“I regard Metallica as colleagues and friends now, but they’re still Metallica,” he says of the thrash legends Ghost supported on their European stadium tour this summer. “I am an ambassador and they are presidents. But when I look to Metallica for influence, I’m looking at what they did in 1988. We’re on our fourth album, as they were on the Damaged Justice Tour, so the next stop is the Black Album.”

Spotting Kerrang!’s obvious joy at this admission, Tobias is quick to clarify exactly what he means by this.

“You have to make a responsible record,” he adds emphatically. “That doesn’t mean to expect riffs. It’s two different things – what the record sounds like and knowing to put yourself in the right spot at the right time. When I had nothing, and lived in a small apartment that cost very little because the ceiling leaked, the dream was to be able to live off making music. When I had kids that became even more important. Now it’s about something else. I’m responsible for showing my wife and my kids that all these years of waiting for me have been worth it. And that goes beyond money, because at the end of the day that’s just seasoning. One day my kids will be grown-up and I have to be able to show them that all this time playing rock shows had a real purpose.”

Of course, it doesn’t hurt that Tobias loves touring.

“I’m like a sailor,” he says. “I just love being on the ocean. I’ve not always been on tour, but I’ve always been a transient person. And the road to achieving all this is endless, just like the road I looked down when I was five seemed to me at the time.”

Kerrang

#Tobias Forge #Tobias Interview #The Band Ghost #Ghost Band #Cardinal Copia

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themattress · 5 years

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On “The Rising of the Shield Hero”:

@ultraericthered on this post said about TROTSH: “The twisted fun of this series in the light novel, anime, and manga mediums is watching people try, to the best of their abilities, to make an enjoyable and acceptable story out of a source material that was anything but.”

Honestly, I think nowhere is that more clear than the resolution to the series’ original story arc. Billed even in official marketing as a “revenge story”, the first arc culminates in the moment where Naofumi the Shield Hero can finally exact his vengeance upon the corrupt King and Princess who had wronged him and made his life a living Hell. It’s the big climax.

And yet across all four versions, this moment is never the same in any of them!

In the original web novel, Naofumi is given the power to determine Aultcray and Malty’s fate...and yet he doesn’t. At all. I’m serious, he is manipulated by Queen Merellia at every turn and is basically led to the exact outcome he ends up “choosing” (having Aultcray and Malty officially renamed “Trash” and “Bitch” and made a humiliating public spectacle of). Why the fuck is the writer denying his protagonist full agency in this pivotal moment!? Well, I guess it’s because he never wanted this to be the concluding moment for Trash and Bitch, given the gratuitous torture porn they get placed in later on. I don’t know what the deal was with the writer’s real life ex-girlfriend and her father, but he certainly takes it out on them in his writing. But not only is this just unpleasant, but it robs the first story arc of a strong conclusion.

In the light novel, the first major change is that this whole moment is initiated by Bitch being given a slave crest on her body and thus forced to admit the undeniable truth of how she and her father framed Naofumi. Afterwards, there is more of an actual dialogue between Naofumi and Merellia concerning Trash and Bitch’s fates, as to what would be considered going too far, what wouldn't’ be far enough, where the line between self-satisfying vengeance and objective justice can be drawn, and stuff like that. Most importantly, Naofumi’s conclusion is made by him alone after Bitch attempts to act remorseful and sweet-talk him with dialogue about how revenge is pointless - realizing that it’s far more efficient to strike at such a shameless person through their ego rather than through any physical harm, he decides on the name-changing, public humiliation route. Overall: not half bad, a marked improvement.

The manga has hands-down the best version of the scene. When Merellia gives the power to determine Trash and Bitch’s fates over to Naofumi, his facial expression immediately conveys that he would much rather not. In both the web and light novels, Naofumi immediately demands the death penalty. But the manga’s version of Naofumi is far more self-aware and has a stronger sense of emotional balance, and he clearly recognizes that he’d only get conflicted over various factors and his personal feelings when it comes to making this kind of decision. But THEN Bitch tries her anti-vengeance sweet-talking, which was the dumbest thing she could do, as it sets off Naofumi’s PTSD and NOW he demands the death penalty for her and Trash. In the previous versions, once Merellia takes this option off the table it was Naofumi who started to consider various forms of physical torture. But here, Merellia herself brings them all up as suggestions. Recognizing just how much power she is granting him even at the cost of her own kin, Naofumi softens up and does the whole name-changing, public humiliation punishment for the Queen’s sake, as he wants to return this favor to her.

But then we got the anime, and....um, what the fuck is this? There is no debate on the matter, Naofumi isn’t even granted the right to decide anything up-front: Mereliia just up and gives the death penalty to her husband and eldest daughter! And the kingdom’s citizens are initially horrified by this, only for them to learn the truth of what Trash and Bitch have done and thus in the very next scene are unanimously crying out for their blood. If this wasn’t stupid enough, Naofumi randomly has a prophetic nightmare of their exact method of execution: death by guillotine. For some reason it disturbs him so much that he is conflicted the whole way through as this is being set up. Surely his own revenge fantasies have been darker than this!

Then, on top of having already creepily sexualized Bitch’s spasms caused by the slave crest, the show proceeds to creepily sexualize her writhing around, crying and begging for her life as she is readied for the guillotine drop. WHY? Who asked for this!? Merellia is increasingly anguished and it’s revealed after the fact that when it came time for her to give the order for the guillotine to drop, she was instead intending on ordering herself to be put to death in her husband and daughter’s place! THAT was her plan!? She’s supposed to be this brilliant manipulator and yet she couldn’t think of anything that doesn’t involve someone dying!?

Finally, at the last minute we have Naofumi making his choice, but the context behind why he makes it is radically different. Bitch addresses him by name and starts pleading with him to save her, and while he proceeds to say in his public speech what his train of thought was in the light novel as a justification for halting the execution - that someone as shameless as this deserves much worse than death or even physical injury - the animation of his face in the moment Bitch made her pleas tells an entirely different story: to put it simply, Naofumi halts the execution because he’s overcome by pity, he actually feels sorry for Bitch in spite of everything because she’s been reduced to such a pathetic, demeaning state where she has to sincerely beg him, whom she loathes, by name, to save her life. And...OK, this might have been an interesting turn if the way Naofumi was written and developed up to this point supported it, but that’s just not the case. That the jaded, cold-blooded, vindictive guy we’d just spent the last 20 episodes watching would do such a 180 on what he wanted to see happen to the people he hated the most, the very people who made him so jaded, cold-blooded and vindictive to begin with, is a bridge way too far to make any logical sense to most viewers.

Also, changing the moment to this degree makes Bitch’s role in it a lot bigger, and thus would naturally have ramifications for her going forward. So...does it? Does Bitch develop from this moment and become less of a one-note, misogynistic caricature of a female mega-villain?

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA - NOPE!

So in conclusion, it’s clear that from medium to medium TROTSH has no idea what kind of story it’s supposed to be telling if such a key moment, the culmination of the story as it was being told thus far, can keep shifting so radically. And...yeah, that’s kind of its twisted fun.

As for my ranking of how this moment: Manga > Light Novel > Web Novel > Anime.

#Rising of the Shield Hero #Analysis #Comparison

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teatitty · 5 years

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Logan and His Weird Brood of Endless Children (A Comprehensive List)

I promised to do it so here it is at last! Logan has had many children over the years (24 at least!) and all in different continuities. For the sake of this list, I’m only including the children that are canonically his own and not the people he only acted as a father/mentor for (so no Jubilee, Rogue, Kitty or Armor).

Honorary mention goes to Laura’s clones (especially Gabby) because they are technically Logan’s children but were cloned from Laura specifically instead (you’d think they’d be Laura’s kids but they canonically viewed her as their sister. The only one still alive is Gabby Kinney).

So! I’m doing this list in alphabetical order and I am going to include which Continuity they appear in. This is just a brief run-down of their origins and not the full history otherwise we’d be here for years.

1: Amiko Kobayashi (Earth 616)

Amiko’s mother (unnamed) was killed during a giant dragons rampage through Tokyo. Logan promised her dying mother that he would take care of Amiko. He also held her mother through her dying moments. Because he was a full-time X-Man Logan was unable to look after her personally, so he fostered her with his wife Mariko Yashida instead. Amiko lived with Mariko for a few years, seeing Logan on rare occasions, and enjoyed the plush life-style that Clan Yashida gave her.

She also met Kitty Pryde and went for ice-cream with her, Logan and Mariko. When Mariko was assassinated, no legal plan existed for Amiko’s care (why Marvel couldn’t have her move to the X-Mansion idk) and she ended up in the foster system. Logan thought that was fine, even sending money to help care for her, but discovered that her foster parents had been stealing the money.

Taking her away from the situation, he gave guardianship over to Yukio. Honestly Amiko got kidnapped a lot to be used against him but at least she’s still alive! She has limited martial arts and, due to her lineage, it is possible that she could develop mystical abilities though nothing has been confirmed for her.

2: Avery Connor (Earth 616)

After Logan’s skeleton was bonded to adamantium, one Dr David Connor took some of Logan’s genetic material and implanted it into the child his wife, Veronica Connor, was pregnant with (okay. Creepy.) The result of this was Avery Connor, specifically “designed” so that her powers would manifest when she hit maturity (yikes) with the hope that she would be stronger then Wolverine. By age 14 she was able to recover from a gunshot wound to the chest in about a minute. She only appeared in the 3 issue novel “Elektra and Wolverine: The Redeemer” which you can find on Comicpunch.net if you want to know her full story.

3: Brian and Mari Logan (Earth 1298)

These two are put together because they’re twins! They appear in the very last arc of Mutant X (#28 onwards). During this time, Logan is believed to be dead but is, in fact, alive and currently only has fragmented memories (basic Logan stuff really.) Instinct drives him to the house he shared with his wife, Mariko Yashida (the twins’ mom). While there, he runs into Mari who asks him if he’s her dad, because “mommy said that daddy went to heaven but Brian says he’s going to come back to us someday.”

Creed kidnaps the family, Logan tracks them down and has a heartfelt proper reunion with them, even hugging Brian. Pretty much the only thing Logan cares about during this last arc is getting his family to safety which is, you know, fair enough tbh.

4: Cameron Pryde (Earth 25158)

Cameron is the son of Kitty Pryde and Piotr Rasputin. He was born shortly before the mutant control act, which led to all surviving mutants being locked up in camps (oof.) When Kitty was taken away by sentinels, Logan took Cameron to safety and raised him as his own son, training Cameron to be a hunter in the wilds of the Sentinel Territories. Cameron was 17 when he met Kitty and his younger sister, Christina, whom ended up killing him.

5: Daken Akihiro (Earth 616)

Daken is probably the most famous of all Logan’s children, right next to Laura. Putting a trigger warning here for bullying and one suicide.

Daken is the son of Logan and Itsu. In 1946, during the last moments of her pregnancy, Itsu was murdered by Winter Soldier (yea) in an attempt to lure out Logan and return him to Madripoor. Romulus cut Daken from her womb, which Daken survived due to his healing factor. Daken was left on the doorstep of Akihira and Natsumi, who took his arrival as an answer to their prayers and raised him as their own. He was given the name “Akihiro” but the servants and other families secretly called him “Daken” (bastard dog), a slur about his mixed heritage.

This harsh treatment caused him to develop a cold persona to everyone but Akihira. One night, Natsumi confessed to Akihira that she was pregnant and didn’t actually love Akihiro. Daken overheard this, and within a year of Junichiro’s birth (sometime in 1957 so Daken was 10-11), he confronted Natsumi and said he’d killed her son (this was true). Akihira disowned him, Daken said his real name wasn’t “Akihiro” and then Natsumi tried to run him through with a bayonet on the end of a rifle. This triggered Daken’s mutant powers, and he ended up accidentally slashing her down. Akihira committed suicide.

Romulus appeared and told Daken that he was what Daken would someday become. Romulus sent him to a training camp in Canada, the same one Logan had been trained in 40 years prior. Other stuff happens here but basically Romulus ends up telling Daken that Logan is his father and lies to his face, saying that Logan was the one who killed Itsu with Daken still inside her, which is why Daken hates Logan’s guts. In the following years, Romulus nurtured this hatred.

You can’t see it in the image above but Daken does have a third claw on the underside of each wrist.

6: Erista (Earth 616)

Literally Erista only appears once. His mom is Gahck of the Savage Lands Fire Tribe and the only time we see him is when Logan is leaving said Savage Lands.

7: Hudson Logan (Earth 982)

Hudson is Rina’s half-brother and was a member of the Revengers, who attacked the Avengers on more then one occasion. However, he switched sides to fight against Galactus and then asked to be an official Avenger. Though suspicious of his motives, they let him join as they needed help fighting Sylene, Loki’s daughter.

8: Hulk Jr/Bruce Banner Jr (Earth 807128)

Baby Banner was the newest addition to the Hulk Gang, and Bruce’s favourite among them. When Logan killed the entire gang (you’ll find out why in a little while), he felt it was poetic justice that Hulk Jr be the first member of his new team of heroes to help retake the country.

500 years into the future, Hulk Jr helped defeat Galactus, using him as a power source for a time machine. He and his team ended up on Earth 616 and the F4 convinced them all to go live on Nu-World instead. The last we see of him is on a rebuilt Galactus engine heading to a new world.

9: Jade and Scotty Logan (Earth 807128)

Jade and Scotty were born 50 years into the future, to Logan and Maureen. Logan owed the Hulk Gang rent money and went off to collect it. He returned 2 weeks early only to find that his family had been killed because the Hulk’s “got bored.”

10: James “Jimmy” Hudson Jr (Earth 1610)

James’ mom is Magda, who you will probably know as Magneto’s wife and the mother of Wanda and Pietro. Logan entrusted Jimmy to his war friend, James Hudson. His last name was changed from “Howlett” to “Hudson” to make the adoption official, and his mutant origins would be kept a secret until his highschool days. Jimmy grew up to be like Logan, with a taste for red-haired women (okay Marvel, sure), a reckless lifestyle and a feral personality.

Unfortunately, Logan died before Jimmy could ever meet him. When Jimmy was drag-racing at 17 his car crashed and this is when he discovered he had a healing factor. His gf was disgusted by it and left him (ouch) and the next day he got a visit from Kitty Pryde. She told him he was Wolverine’s son, and gave him some of Logan’s old things, including his canadian dog tag (and a lock of Jean’s hair because god forbid Marvel let that go).

A holographic message from Logan told Jimmy “you’re my son, dont ask about your mother, don’t focus on the past, be thankful the Hudsons raised you and learn to live with the choices you make” (paraphrasing of course). His last message to Jimmy was that he never regretted having a son.

With Kitty’s encouragment, Jimmy found he had inherited Logan’s claws and formed a metallic coating over them. He would then seek out Jean, who helped him recruit other mutants.

He ended up bonded to a Symbiote eventually and now he goes by the alias Poison. Also he got rid of that dope beard and went with mutton-chops instead which, like, worst decision by far they hella look ugly on him.

11: Kendall Logan (Earth 9811)

Kendall’s mom is Ororo! She also has an unnamed baby brother! Kendall can manipulate the weather like Ororo and possesses a healing factor like Logan. She also has her father’s temper but her mother’s good attitude. She’s highly trained as a fighter and is as stealthy as an assassin. She was born in a universe where the Secret Wars never left Battleworld.

Due to various circumstances, Kendall and a bunch of other mutant kids ended up on an alternate earth where Sentinels ruled America. The kids then decided to stay here and wipe out the Sentinels.

12: Kirika Yashida (Earth 295)

In this reality, Logan and Mariko had a romance before the ascension of apocalypse. This romance led to the birth of Kirika. Logan was unaware of her birth and, after Japan’s destruction, joined the X-Men. Mariko joined the Human High Council and Kirika ended up the property of Sinister though how this happened is never stated. Magneto found her in a containment marked “X-23″ and was surprised when she unsheated her claws.

Kirika ended up being trained by Magneto and was tasked with bringing her father back to America with her. Important note, but on this earth Logan is still going by “Weapon X”. A bunch of other shit happens, and Kirika ends up being killed by Weapon X with 616 Logan mourning her death as he holds her charred remains, right before he went feral and attacked his 295 counterpart.

13: Kouen (Earth 13119)

A teenage clone of Logan, Kouen was created by an unknown organization, who ordered him to kill Logan, who they believed was the missing link they needed to create the “perfect race.” Instead of doing that, however, Kouen chose to help Logan rather than kill him.

14: Laura Kinney (Earth 616 and Evolution/Earth 11052)

The second most well-known of Logan’s children! Her comic origins are a bit more convoluted then her origins in Evolution so I’ll talk about both. Personally, I prefer her origins in Evolution but, ya know. Prefences and all.

I’m going to talk about her comic/616 origins first because it’s. A lot to get through and condense.

When Facility (yes that’s what the organization is called) failed to find a subject capable of surviving the bonding process of adamantium to bones (because they wanted to recreate the Weapon X program that made Logan), mutant geneticist Sarah Kinney was brought in to create a clone.

After 22 failed attempts of cloning, because they couldn’t find a Y Chromosome in the only bit of damaged genetic coding they had of Logan’s, Sarah proposed they make a female clone instead. Initially rejected, Sarah went and did it anyway, using her own genetic material to complete Logan’s. Dr Sutter was impressed but Dr Zander Rice claimed insubordination and forced Sarah to be the surrogate.

Laura spends 7 years training in the facility while Sarah tries to ensure that Laura retain some semblance of humanity. Rice had her subjected to radiation poisoning to acclerate her mutant gene growth and bonded her claws to adamantium.

Other shit happens, she ends up being harshly trained (and punished) by Kimura, then 3 years later she got her first mission, was punished for not returning with Rice, ended up ordered to kill Sutter and his family and then she managed to kill Rice. Unfortunately Rice exposed her to “trigger scent” which sent her into a rage that killed Sarah. In her dying words, Sarah names her “Laura.”

Other stuff happens but I’m skipping it so fast-forward and Laura tracks Logan down to the x-mansion where she beats him in a fight. She tells him who she is, he says he already knows cuz he got a letter from Sarah telling him the whole story (??? okay sure) but before they can have a proper talk Steve Rogers arrests her.

She gets interrogated by Steve and Matt Murdoch. Matt claims she’s innocent given her backstory, but Steve wants her to atone for her murders. Ultimately, Steve frees her so she doesn’t get exploited by SHIELD as a weapon.

Laura joins the X-Men and immediately gets protective over Logan, even following him on missions.

Now for Evolution/11052 canon which is way fucking easier to get through!

Logan learns through SHIELD that Dr Deborah Risman, working for HYDRA, managed to create a female clone of him after 22 failed attempts. Her only codename was X-23. (She doesn’t get the name Laura in the cartoon but that might be cuz it was cancelled before the last season.)

Denied a normal childhood, X23 was lonely (seriously you actually see her hugging teddy bears in Kitty’s room and getting jealous over how happy the X-Men teens are). She’d never had a companion, spending most of her time honing her skills under observation.

She breaks into the X-Mansion, defeating the other X-Men, and eventually confronts Logan. Logan refuses to fight back against her, spending his time trying to talk to her instead. X23 lashes out, screaming “everything I am is because of you!”

Logan eventually catches her wrists, telling her he’s the one person who understands what she went through, and admits he had no idea about what they did to her. When X23 breaks down in his arms, Logan hugs her back, saying he’s the closest thing she has to family.

When SHIELD shows up to take her in, Logan tells her to run for it. Laura hesitates, not wanting to leave him (you can tell by her face) but Logan repeats the order. She leaves and Logan tells Fury to leave her alone because she’s been through enough.

(Also fun note, the reason Laura is white in the comics and not brown is bc they wanted her to look “more like Logan” apparently).

15: Mongrels (Earth 616)

Led by Gunhawk (William Downing, one with the bandana), the Mongrels team consists of Fire Knives (redhead girl), Shadowstalker (purple girl), Cannon Foot (the big boy) and Saw Fist (green mask), all children of Logan’s from various different mothers. Put together by The Red Right Hand, these mercs all have a hatred for Logan though it’s never explained why, and wanted to cause him as much pain as possible. During their final fight with him, Logan manages to kill them all but is devastated to learn they were, in fact, his children.

He ends up burying them with their respective mothers.

16: Raze Darkholme (Earth 13729)

Raze’s mom is Mystique, whom he killed and replaced some time in the future. His claws are really short and he uses shapeshifting to make them longer (lol). His shape-shifting is supposedly stronger then Mystique’s. The first time we see him, he’s impersonating Kitty Pryde in order to get close to Logan and strike him down.

Raze has an older half-brother, whose father is Xavier (yes really). Raze wants to kill the entire human population, and bring all persecuted mutants from the multiverse into one place to create a mutant paradise. This plan is ultimately stopped by an alt earth’s Phoenix.

17: Reine du Rien (Earth 616)

Reine (pronounced “ren”) is a french sorceress and I think she’s also half-romani. She has Logan’s healing factor and claws, which glow a faint blue, and her clans magic. Her mother, Sylvie, had a one-night stand with Logan in the 60′s specifically to create Reine so that their clan would have an immortal child capable of killing a demon called “Truth” so they wouldn’t have to rely on Logan anymore.

As per usual, Logan didn’t know about her. In 1989 Logan tracked down her hometown but was told to fuck off by her aunt because he wasn’t needed anymore. Unfortunately, he caught Reine’s scent and, not one to let things go, kept trying to talk to her whenever he happened to see her. In 2008, Reine finally confirmed she was his daughter and said her clan didn’t think she needed a name, but began calling her Reine which meant “nothing.” (Oof.)

After explaining that it wasn’t her he was trying to hunt, but Truth, Logan and Reine crossed their claws and promised to kill Truth together, thus setting them both free.

18: Rina Logan (Earth 982)

So! Rina’s mother is Elektra! She’s a skilled martial artist and gymnast. Her claws are made of psychic energy! She used to get bullied at school for being the child of an immigrant and unemployed biker, but then opinion changed when everyone saw Logan pick her up from school and learned that her mom was a wealthy martial arts master (lol get fucked). Rina is canonically a daddy’s girl, and a lot of heroes give her a wide berth because she’s considered as dangerous as Logan is.

#random facts #lore post #snikt family #and thats it! thats all of them!#god this took forever #my arms hurt from typing #condensing laura and daken's stuff was. a challenge #so much happens with them and it's h #anyways

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mythicalsecretsanta · 5 years

Text

Christmas In Paris (T)

This gift is for: Wren (AKA @cerealbath) Wishing you a very festive holiday season and good vibes for the coming year. Hope you enjoy your gift! From your Secret Santa, Ellie (AKA @elliefcutie)

Link to AO3, or read below:

“Link, hello earth to Link,” someone shouted. “S-s-sorry,” he stuttered in reply. They’d been waiting so long at the check in counter he’d slipped into a daydream. One where he was at home watching his favourite paint drying show instead of here in a crowded airport. “Man what are we gonna do, they’re saying my bag weighs too much?” “Why don’t you just take some stuff out? I’m pretty sure you packed your entire bedroom. Do you really need all of it?” Link asked. “Yes I need all of it,” Rhett said placing extra emphasis on the word need. “I’m used to a certain level of comfort, you know that.” Listen, all I’m saying is do you really need silk bed sheets, a fur coat and the entire contents of your bathroom for a one week vacation in Paris?“ “ You’re totally missing the point Link those aren’t just any old things those sheets are made of rare golden orb spider silk that were painstakingly pulled out individually by blind monks from Madagascar and the-” “Ok,” Link interrupted him. “I get it. I have some extra room in my bags you can use that but anything that doesn’t fit you leave behind alright? “Really?” Rhett said “You’re a lifesaver buddyroll.” So half an hour later they boarded their flight with Rhett who was now wearing his fur coat and Link’s nearly empty carry on was now stuffed full of silk bed linens, various lotions creams serums and hair styling products. Being on the plane brought Link’s anxiety up to near panic attack levels. “Why’s it gotta be so gosh dang small in here?” He’d begun sweating profusely the moisture accumulating uncomfortably in all his crevices. “You think this is small be glad you’re not me brother I got legs for days and nowhere to put em,” Link just gave a weak smile in response his arms moving to wrap around his midsection. A pathetic attempt at self comforting. Why had he agreed to come on this stupid trip in the first place? Neither of them had anything great to go home to for the holidays. Rhett’s mom had re married and now had a replacement family as Rhett called it. Link’s mom had died when he was in college. His parents had divorced when he was two and Link had never really been close with his dad. So it made sense that they’d spend the holidays together right? Better than being alone. Not that Link really minded being alone. Last year they’d stayed home and just ordered in watching Christmas movies on Netflix. For whatever reason Rhett had gotten the idea that they should go somewhere this year. Link had flat out refused at first but Rhett was very insistent. Also he was very good at getting Link to try new things. So eventually he had caved. And here they were. Link remained quiet all throughout the safety talk which increased his anxiety level even more, and takeoff. “Link you ok?” Rhett asked once they were safely in the air. “Your being awfully quiet.” “Yeah I’m fine a little tired.” Which wasn’t a total lie he was tired. Stress had a strange way of making him sleepy. “Why don’t you try to sleep we got a long flight ahead of us anyway. You can use my coat as a pillow if you want. I’m sweating to death in it anyway.” Before Link could even answer Rhett was twisting himself around to get the cumbersome thing off. It was a struggle that lasted several minutes and by the time Rhett handed him the coat he was smiling. He couldn’t really refuse it after that could he? “Thanks” he said. Propping himself up against the window he fell asleep almost immediately.

“Link, hey Link,” Rhett half whispered while nudging his shoulder. Link just groaned and pushed him away. “Lemme sleep Rhett .” “You gotta wake up buddy we’re about to land.” Link sat up his hands moving automatically to try and rub the sleep out of his eyes. “I slept through the whole flight?” he said in disbelief. “You sure did sleepyhead,” Rhett replied laughing one of his grumbling laughs. Just then the pilot came on over the intercom. “Hello this is your captain speaking we’re just beginning our descent into Paris and we should be landing in approximately twenty minutes. The weather is a chilly 50 degrees Fahrenheit with clear skies. The local time is 5:05pm. Please put you seat belts on and thanks for a great flight.” Then she said the same thing in french. At least that’s what Link assumed because he understood nothing beyond bonjour despite having taken three years of french in high school. Link immediately fastened his seat belt and looked out the window. The sun was setting and it cast a beautiful rose gold glow over the city that Link had to admit looked stunning. Link started when he felt Rhett’s beard tickling his neck. “Looks pretty great right? Don’t be shy you can say that I made a good choice. That this is gonna be a million time better than just being at home.” Link rolled his eyes. “Maybe just maybe this won’t be a total disaster.” “It’s gonna be awesome just wait until you see what I got planned,” Rhett said. His eyes and smile wide with excitement more than Link had ever seen them before. Rhett had insisted on being the sole planner of their trip. Link hadn’t protested since he didn’t really care. He fully expected to have a terrible time but his first look at the city had him feeling unexpectedly optimistic about it. He smiled back at Rhett. “So what are we doing tonight?” “There’s this really old cinema that shows old Christmas movies during December. Tonight there playing It’s a Wonderful Life. But we could do something else if you want. If you’re too tired we can just stay at the hotel.” Rhett said rather rapidly. His cheeks turning red. Link squirmed in his seat suddenly feeling very antsy. It was probably the cramped seating he just needed to stretch his legs. “That sounds really good actually.” Rhett grinned and was it Link’s imagination or did his the redness of his face deepen even more? He turned to look out the window again at the city growing ever closer.

Link swallowed the last bite of the cracker sandwich he’d been working on for the past hour and a half. He chased it with a big gulp of sparkling water. Rhett had chosen an upscale restaurant for dinner where nothing sounded familiar (mostly because of the french) or appetizing. The waiter had given him the stink eye when he’d asked for plain bread and cracker sandwich like the ones he always had at home. Rhett however had ordered a plethora of items and in french too. Link’s sandwich had come rather quickly a whole loaf of french bread and some sort of multigrain crackers that was something of a disappointment to Link. So he’d been taking halfhearted bites of it every so often while Rhett inhaled dish after dish of rich looking foods covered in cream sauces. “You sure you don’t wanna try any of my food?” Rhett asked. “No I’m good” “Come on at least have a bite of the escargot. The butter herb caviar sauce on top is absolutely divine.” “Isn’t that snails? No thanks.” Link said in disgust. “How about dessert I ordered the wildflower honey lavender gelato. That’s sorta like ice cream. You like ice cream right?” Link did in fact like ice cream one of the few things that had stuck from his brief foray into the world of tasting. The way Rhett was acting was making Link nervous. He seemed so eager for Link to be pleased that Link felt obliged to be pleased. “Sure buddy that sounds good” Rhett smiled brightly and there was that blush again. They’re dessert soon arrived in a single dish with two spoons. Link frowned his personal ice cream sharing rule was don’t unless you’re willing to make out with said person. “Sorry Link I’ll ask them for a separate bowl,” Rhett said. Link glanced around the crowded restaurant in search of wait staff to flag down and found no one. What the hell he thought. He’d flown halfway across the world today surely he could share ice cream. They had separate spoons after all. “Don’t bother,” Link took the tiny spoon on his side of the bowl and brought it up to his mouth. The gelato was amazing it had an icy smooth consistency less creamy than ice cream but sweetened perfectly with honey and just a touch of lavender to brighten it up. Link went in for a second bite and realized Rhett was just staring at him mouth agape. Which Link found odd because Rhett was never one to hesitate while eating. “Is that not ok with you? It’s because of my herpes isn’t it? I’m sorry we can order you a separate one.” “No just a little surprised it’s like your a whole different Link in Paris.” “Is that a bad thing?” “It’s interesting that’s for sure,” Rhett replied picking up his spoon.

The cool night air nipped at Link’s arms making giving him goosebumps. He was beginning to regret their decision to walk back to the hotel after the movie. Which despite Rhett’s disbelief he had never seen before. “You cold Link?” Rhett asked. “Yeah a little figures when we could actually use that ridiculous fur coat of yours we don’t have it.” “I’ll have you know that coat is made of very rare Siberian Brown Lemming fur. Which is said to be so soft it’s like wearing a cloud.” Link just rolled his eyes. “So you wanna know what on the itinerary for tomorrow?” Rhett asked. “Nah I’m sorta enjoying this whole going with the flow thing. It feels very freeing not worrying about every little thing for once.” “I get that. Let’s pick up the pace so we don’t freeze our balls off shall we.” Link let loose a high pitched giggle and began to run down the street.

Link stifled a yawn as he watched people go by on the quiet Parisian street. Rhett had dragged him outta bed at an ungodly hour and to this quaint little cafe nearby. He was currently sipping his second cup of espresso in hopes it would chase away the jet lag. “Did you not sleep well Link” Rhett asked seemingly unaffected by jet lag and entirely to chipper. “I slept fine it must be jet lag. I’ve never felt so tired in my life. You seriously don’t feel it?” “I slowly adjusted myself to Paris time over the last two weeks, remember? I asked if you wanted to join me and you declined. I’d bet you’re regretting that now.” Yes Link did seem to recall Rhett going on about that how it would eliminate jet lag and help optimize their enjoyment of the trip. But he’d said it right before bed and staying up later had seemed too difficult to an already sleepy Link. “I have just the thing to cheer you up,” Rhett said. “You wanna know what we’re doing today?” Leaving absolutely no time for Link to reply he answered his own question. “There’s this really cool winery called Le Clos Montmatre right here in the city and they give tours. Guess who’s gonna be on one of those tours?” “Us?” Link said flatly. “Bingo” “I can’t wait.”

“I think we’re lost,” Link said “We are not lost,” Rhett insisted. “Really so we were supposed to get on several different trains and then get off to stare at this map in the station? Then I guess we’re not lost after all.” “Ok, so we may be a little turned around,” Rhett said. “But we are definitely not lost. We just need to get on this train… or maybe this one.” He trailed off. “Alright we may be lost,” He finally admitted. “So why don’t we just go above ground and catch a cab or we’ll miss our tour. Besides it creeps me out down here. It’s like being buried alive.” “Because that would be admitting defeat. This is how people get around here. If we take a cab we’re missing out on the authentic Paris experience. “I don’t think part of the authentic experience is aimlessly getting on and off trains with no idea where you’re going. I’m getting a cab you can stay down here and keep having the authentic experience if you like.” Link took off toward the exit and Rhett followed.

Due to the narrow climbing roads the cab dropped them off a quarter mile from the actual winery itself. They walked in silence for a few minutes until Rhett broke it abruptly. “Sorry about this Link. It wasn’t supposed to happen like this.” Rhett said eyes on the ground as they walked along.” “What do you mean?” Link asked. He felt somewhat confused everything seemed fine to him. “It’s just I have this picture in my head of how I want things to go, you know. Reality never seems to live up to that picture. This is only the first day and already I screwed things up.” “Wait…what? You think you screwed things up?” “Well yeah you’re all jet lagged, we got lost and now we might miss our tour.” He finally looked up at Link. His amber eyes pitiful. “Rhett, you did not screw things up I will get over the jet lag, everybody gets lost in strange cities and I’m pretty sure we found the vineyard.” He pointed up to the vine covered mansion before them. It was beautiful Link was beginning to think everything in Paris was. “You really don’t think I’m screwing things up?” Rhett asked breaking eye contact with Link and looking straight ahead. “Not at all.”

“Mercie,” Rhett thanked the man who had poured their wine. The tour had been interesting. Emile,their tour guide’s enthusiasm had been contagious. They were now sitting in the cellar sampling some wine. “ “A votre sante,” Rhett said “Huh?” Link said. “Since when do you speak french?” “I learned online. I figured one of us should.” He shrugged nonchalant. “A votre sante means cheers.” They clinked glasses. Link swallowed his all in one gulp, hissing at the unpleasant burning sensation in his throat. It did taste vaguely fruity which was ok but he really couldn’t see what all the hype was about. He would choose grape juice over this any day. He glanced up at Rhett to find him staring wide eyed at him. “What? Did I spill some on my shirt or something?” he looked in panic at his white and blue striped polo. It looked alright to him. Rhett just laughed that big loud rumbling one he did when something caught him by surprise. When he caught his breath he said. “No it’s just that not how you’re supposed to do that man. It’s not like taking jello shots at a frat party.” Link blushed. “Give me a break Rhett I’ve never done this before.” “How have you never done this before?” “I just haven’t. You don’t need to laugh at me.” “Sorry Link. I guess I’ll just have to show you how it’s done. Here I’ll share mine with you.” He reached over and poured half of his glass into Link’s. “You gotta take your time with it really get to know it. Swish it around in the glass, like this.” Rhett slowly moved the stem of his glass in a circle. Link copied. “Excellent. Now go ahead and take a whiff of it. Really take in that aroma with your nose hole.” “Is this really necessary seems a little over the top to me.” “Yes it’s necessary drinking wine is all about the experience Link. It’s the only way to really detect all the nuances of flavor.” “Fine I’ll sniff the damn wine just let it be known that I think it’s ridiculous.” “I’m ok with that,” Rhett said. So Link smelled the wine. It smelled fruity and maybe a little acidic. “Mmm,” Rhett said “ A very nice smelling wine it smells full bodied with a hint of lemon verbena.” “Can we actually drink it now?” Link asked. He was beginning to lose patience with Rhett’s process. “Sure buddy but you should take small sips and aerate it by running it through your teeth.” He kindly demonstrated this and it make the most horrendous noise. “There’s no way I’m doing that. You’ll have to settle for me taking small sips.” “Your loss. I’ll be over here experiencing the full flavor of wine as intended.” Link rolled his eyey as he brought the glass to his lips. He did keep it in his mouth a little and to his surprise he noticed the hint of citrus Rhett had mentioned. Also the burning sensation was much milder and pleasant this time around. “This is pretty good actually,” “See I told you,” Rhett said practically beaming. “You have to do it the right way for optimal enjoyment.” Link smiled with a shake of his head. They continued their tasting mostly in silence with only an occasional interjection from Rhett about the flavours of the different wines. Once the wine had all been tasted Emile cleared her throat to get their attention. “So that concludes the wine tasting portion of the tour. We’re going to finish off the tour by going to see our fields. They have a very unique graded set up that offers up some wonderful views of the city. So feel free to stick around afterwards to take some pictures. Link pushed his seat back as he got up he felt dizzy and had to brace himself on the table. “Whoa, you alright there Link? The wine gettin’ to ya?” “I’m alright,” Link replied. “Just felt a little unsteady there.” Truthfully Link felt very strange maybe he shouldn’t have had so much wine. He figured he would be fine the tour was almost over anyway. It was a struggle to keep himself steady as the walked but he managed it. They emerged into the sunshine at the bottom of a steep incline. Now he knew what Emile had meant by graded set up. It looked like they had carved the vineyard right out of the hillside. It was possibly one of the most unique things Link had ever seen. Unfortunately he wasn’t really in a state to enjoy it. The feeling of unease that he’d felt in the cellar seemed to be growing by the minute. Everything after that was pretty fuzzy until Rhett elbowed him in the ribs. Hey Link mind if we go to the top I really wanna get some pictures.” “Yeah sure sounds great,” Link said. He did not in fact think it was great. He had no idea how he was going to make it up there. Rhett chattered away at him as they climbed. “That was pretty awesome right Link? Wait till you see what I have planned for tomorrow. It’s even better I think gotta make Christmas Eve special right? Link just nodded. As they neared the top Link’s head was spinning so bad he had to sit down. “Hey Rhett,” he said his words coming out slurred. “I’m not feeling so well.” He then proceeded to vomit in the bushes beside him. Rhett rushed to his side putting his hand softly in the small of Link’s back as he wretched the meager contents of his stomach onto the foliage. “Oh Link I’m so sorry. You’re kind of a lightweight hey? Don’t worry we’ll get you back to the hotel and you’ll be better in no time.” Link finished vomiting and sat back up wiping the mix of throw up and spit on his jacket sleeve. “You get it all out?” “I think so.” “Good, good you just stay right there I’m gonna order us an Uber ok?” He pulled out his phone typing away at it furiously. A few minutes later he pocketed it. “It’ll be here in 20 but we’re gonna have to walk a little to get there. Think you can do that?” Link nodded. “Alright let me help you there.” Rhett said. He crouched down slinging Link’s arm over his shoulder. “We’re gonna try standing on three. One..two…three.” They struggled up together Rhett doing most of the heavy lifting Link only managing to fall into Rhett’s arms. Link’s only thought was that he smelled good some sort of deep musky scent. “Ok we made it up good job. Now let’s get you straightened out.” Link reached out weakly trying to pull him back in but Rhett didn’t even seem to notice. “You think you’re ok to walk?” “Yeah I think so.” Slowly they made their way back down where a concerned looking Emile met them. “Mon dieu. Is your husband okay Rhett?” “He’s not really much of a drinker. I shouldn’t have let hi drink so much. We’re just going to leave now. Thanks for the lovely tour and sorry about the bushes.” Link grimaced at that bit. “Yeah I’m very sorry about that,’ he added. Wait had she just called him Rhett’s husband why would she think that? Before Link could think about it too much Rhett was walking again taking Link with him. Somehow they made it to the Uber without incident. Rhett helped Link and spoke with the driver while Link just sat there willing himself not to vomit again. “Link?” “Yeah,” Link answered feeling very sleepy all of a sudden. “Driver says it’s gonna be half an hour to the hotel. You just tell me if we need to pull over again okay?” “Sure. Rhett?’ “Yes Link?’ “I’m sleepy.” “That’s just fine you just put you’re head on my shoulder and close your eyes,” “Thanks Rhett,” Link said as he did exactly that. He gave a contented sigh happy to be smelling that Rhett smell again.

The next thing Link really remembers is walking up with a dry mouth, splitting headache and a bladder that’s about to burst. He groans as he sits up in bed. Yes he’s in a bed in his and Rhett’s hotel room. They’re sharing a room because according to Rhett this is the only hotel to stay in, in Paris. It’s also very expensive so they can only afford one room. Two beds at least though. “Hey Link welcome back to the world of the sober. How you feeling?” “Like I’ve been hit by a tuck… twice.” “Sounds about right. Hangovers are a delight. You probably need to pee real bad right about now so why don’t you go do that.’ “I’ll probably pee the bed if I don’t. I’m not even sure that would be the most embarrassing thing I’ve done today.” Link sighs and heaves himself out of bed stumbling to the bathroom. Emptying his bladder helps a little and splashing some cold water on his face helps some too. He walks back to his bed. Rhett has placed a bottle of water and some ibuprofen on his bedside table. “You should take those and drink the water that will help,” Rhett said. “We should also get some food in you. You haven’t eaten all day have you?” Besides a few halfhearted bites of the pancakes at breakfast Link realized he hadn’t had anything but caffeine and alcohol all day. No wonder he’d gotten drunk so fast. “Thanks. What time is it anyway?” “It’s half past five,” “Really? Rhett I’m sorry look like I’m the one who ruined our day not you.” “Don’t worry about it. I think I need to learn to go with the flow more too. I thought we could stay in order room service maybe watch some lame Christmas movie?” “Sounds good to me.”

Link was awakened by the sound of someone knocking at their door. “Don’t worry about that Link I’ll get it,” Rhett said. His blurry figure rushing past Link. “Mmm kay,” he mumbled. He sat up in bed yawning and stretching out his arms. His hands fumbled around the unfamiliar space to find his glasses. He put them on to see Rhett wheeling a cart in between the beds. “Good morning. I took the liberty of ordering breakfast in bed for us. I hope you don’t mind.” “No that sounds good.” “There’s fresh scones with clotted cream and a variety of jams, some fresh fruit ham and cheese quiche and of of course coffee. I got some fresh squeezed OJ for you to since you don’t usually drink coffee.” “Wow Rhett that’s quite the spread. Are you sure we can afford that?” Link asked this hotel was very high end this must have cost a fortune. “Don’t sweat it mon aime consider this an early Christmas present.” Damn Link thinks were they supposed to get each other gifts? Link just thought with the trip they would just forget about it. He’d have to find a way to buy something today without Rhett noticing. “You wanna hear what we’re doing today,” Rhett asked. As he handed a plate to Link and took one himself and began to give himself generous portions of everything on the tray. “Yeah sure.” “ First up is making and decorating gingerbread houses. Then we have to walk through the Christmas market. “What’s a Christmas market?” “So every year these Christmas markets pop up around the city. They have all kinds of vendors selling all kinds of decorations gifts baked goods and street food everything you can think of man they got it.” “Sounds interesting.” What a stroke of good luck. Surely he would be able to find an opportunity to buy something for Rhett there. “Yeah and this one is right close to the Eiffel Tower they have an outdoor skating rink there too.” “I’ve never been skating before,” Link said. “Me neither being a California boy and all. I thought it would be fun.”

It had been a fun day, a perfect day really until it wasn’t. Rhett had lead them to this cooking school not to far from the hotel. Even though neither of them had much experience in the kitchen they worked pretty well together. Even when the bickered over the decoration of their house it was all good natured and if Link got startled every time Rhett invaded his space so what? The afternoon they spent wandering through the crowded Christmas market taking in all the sights and sounds. Who’s too say if the walked a little closer than necessary hands and shoulders brushing against each other sending little shocks of electricity through Link’s body. They had some mouthwatering meat pies,tourtiere, at a street vendor eating them as they walked. As the sun set them came to the outdoor skating rink and saw the Eiffel Tower all lit up in the distance behind it. Skating was decidedly an absolute disaster. Link couldn’t keep his balance at all. He ending up grabbing for Rhett, who was somewhat steadier, and just ended up dragging them both down. And if Link reveled in the feel of their bodies tangling together what was so wrong about that? Also it was cold neither of them was dressed for that. Link teased Rhett for not bringing his fur coat. They laughed. It was like an inside joke with them now. It even began to snow big fat flakes drifting down from the sky. Once both of them had enough of fumbling around on the ice Link left Rhett sitting on a bench. He was supposed to be getting hot chocolate for them. What he was really doing was trying to find a gift for Rhett. He ended up buying him a scarf earmuffs and mittens to go with his coat and some fancy coffee with 24 carat gold flakes in it. Rhett would love that. Things started to go downhill at the hot chocolate stand. The woman serving him spoke to him in english which was far better than Link’s pitiful attempts at french. “You and your husband … you are having good time in Paris yes? It is the city of amour they say.” “Oh he’s not… we’re not married. We’re just friends,” Link answered shaking his head emphatically to try and get his point across. “Sorry my mistake. Here’s your chocolate.” Link thanked her and left. A funny feeling coming over him. Why did someone calling Rhett his husband have this effect on him? He was silent as he sat down next to Rhett and handed him his hot chocolate. When he finished he just sat there holding his empty cup not wanting to look at Rhett. Feeling overwhelmed but not sure why. “Something wrong Link?” Rhett asked. “Why are we here Rhett?” “Are you tired? We can go back now if you want.” “No like why are we here in Paris?” “I’m not sure what this is about,” Rhett said clearly confused. “Are you in love with me Rhett?” “What? Why would you say that?” “Oh I don’t know we’re here in one of the most romantic cities in the world. At Christmas. Or maybe it cause you didn’t correct Emile yesterday when she thought we were husbands.” “I didn’t think you would remember that.” “Well I do,” “Look I just didn’t think it was that important. It’s not like we were ever gonna see her again.” “Forget I asked let’s just go back to the hotel.” Link doesn’t know why he even asked those things. He hadn’t even known he was thinking them. Rhettt tip toed around him for the rest of the evening. Link pretended to be tired just so he could have some space to process everything. Rhett stayed up for awhile quietly watching TV. Eventually he switched if off and went to bed. “Link? Link you awake?” Link didn’t feel like talking so he stayed silent. “I know I avoided answering the question before. But I do Link. Love you that is. That’s why we’re here. I was going to tell you tomorrow but maybe I won’t now.” So that’s why Link was here at 3a.m on Christmas morning wandering the streets of Paris alone. Because he’d freaked out after Rhett’s confession and slipped away when Rhett fell asleep. What the crap was he supposed to think about that. He’d never dated anyone besides Vanessa. If going on two dates and getting dumped for a robot even counted as dating. And even that had been Rhett’s idea. He was always the one pushing Link to try things he never would have on his own. He wasn’t even sure he was capable of falling in love. It seemed like such an intangible concept to Link. How would you even know? Emotions were just so confusing. A sudden wave of weariness washed over Link. If he had to walk one more step he’d collapse for sure. He glanced around the deserted street there was nowhere to sit except the ground. So he slumped against the cold brick wall putting his head between his knees. He was shivering now uncontrollably but not from the cold. Then a heavy weight was draped over his shoulders. He looked up to find Rhett crouched beside him. “I guess you weren’t asleep,” Rhett said. A slight smile on his lips. The weight on his shoulders was that stupid fur coat. “Wait… what?… how did you even find me?” Link stuttered. Rhett waved his phone around. “Got your location on my phone remember?” Damn it Link had forgotten all about that. “Look I didn’t come here to push myself on you or anything. I just got worried when I woke up and you were gone. Looks like I was right to worry cause here you are crying alone and cold on the ground.” He was crying? Link’s hand wiped at his eyes confirming he was indeed crying. “I’m just…so…I’m so confused Rhett. How long?” Link was finding it difficult to speak. His voice was hoarse and his throat felt like it was closing up. Rhett sat down next to him though Link noted not close enough to be touching. “I’m not sure Link. I think I knew from the moment we met that you would be special to me. When it became something more than friendship I can’t say exactly. You sorta sneaked up on me.” There was that timid smile again. Rhett was afraid Link realized. Being vulnerable wasn’t easy for him either. “So what happens now?” he asked. “That’s up to you Link. We can pretend this never happened or we can explore this…us if you want to.” He gestured to himself and Link. “Or you can leave. I’ll understand if this is all too much for you,” He said. He tried to keep his voice even but Link heard the break in it when he said that last option. “I don’t think I can go back to how we were before Rhett. Not with you so close. I’ll always be thinking of the way you smell or the feel of your hand on my back. And how could I forget your body underneath mine solid and yet soft at the same time?” Rhett just stared at him wide eyed mouth open. Link laughed. “You’ve been giving me that look ever since we got here.” “Well you keep surprising me.” “Here’s another one then.” Link leaned over and kissed Rhett. It was a short closed mouth kiss over before it really began. Rhett was blushing when it was over though. “Really Link your sure?” Link kissed him again in reply. Rhett was ready this time putting his hand to Link’s face gently keeping him there. Only to break the kiss seconds later. “Merry Christmas Link.” “Merry Christmas Rhett.”

#mythical secret santa 2019 #type: fic #rating: T #gift swap #rhink #submission

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snoozejoon · 5 years

Text

Too Much | Park Jimin

pairing: park jimin x black female oc (ft. jung hoseok.. again :))

genre: angst, fluff, a whoole bunch of lovey-dovey stuff n heartbreak

warnings: mental illness (specifically bpd - borderline personality disorder), mature scenes, vulgar language and mentions of suicide and depression.

word count: 3.3k

Solace Wright just wants to remove herself from her overbearing job and find some genuine joy in her life on her own terms. She didn't exactly expect to land in South Korea to begin making an acclaimed name for herself, and she definitely didn't expect to fall so easily in love. She knows what she came to do and isn't exactly fond of having such a large distraction, but her heart softens without her permission and leads her to experience things she never imagined for herself.

Did she want this? No. Will she stay anyway? Yes.

She may have bitten off more than she can chew.

PREMIÉRE

Past.

HOSEOK hated the heat. He hated L.A too. He loathed the bright, smoldering heat that made him have nightmares of lava eating away at skin before he fell asleep; accompanied by the restless sounds and people that enshroud him everywhere he seemed to turn. And if one more droplet of sweat dared to drip down his face one more time, he'd hop on the fastest plane to Korea within the next hour.

The moment his skin made contact with the summer sun here, he immediately regretted even coming. Why his father sent him out of all the other nice, heat tolerant people he has employed at his aquarium was beyond him. Beyond him. Literally. He knew little english, despised American food, and random foreigners that couldn't mind their business, so this was the worst job his dad could possibly give him.

The only liable reason he can come up with is that his father trusted him. Which was kind of a given, seeing as he was the only child he had that considered marine biology as a career path. He was also his dad's only child, so there was that aspect too. Hoseok was being sent to one of the biggest sea life aquariums in Los Angeles to sign literally one slip of paper and shake some probably cold hands just to confirm the conversion of the aquarium into the Jung corporation, due to horrible reviews on the well-being of their sea life, and poor treatment of their customers — and employees.

So naturally, sales dropped, and prices ran cheaper, but people never seemed to want to visit anymore. Hearing about their children's favorite killer whale dying the day after the family went to visit wasn't exactly the best look . . . at all.

His father, noting that every other company tied within the U.S simply refused to lend a helping hand, stepped in on his own. Being a businessman was his best attribute; this simple encounter alone was going to add millions to his company, evidently putting himself even more on the top of the marine world than he was already. He'd do his best to add more revenue to the aquarium under his ownership; since all of the 4 aquariums he owned in South Korea were healthily successful, he only expected the same outcome for the one here; but that would take time. A very long time.

That was great and all, but did it require a whole suit and tie ensemble? In black? He almost wants to cry, but for one: he'll for sure taste the salt in his tears and it's too hot for that, and for two: he's not trying to explain to an American the reasoning behind his tears in his kindergarten level English on this bus that was going way too fast for his liking. So no crying. He could sit and be pissed though, so that's exactly what he does.

It takes a good forty-five minutes to get to his hotel, just to fumble with his key to his room when it was handed to him, lug his too-heavy-for-a-week-stay suitcase into his room, and eventually fall into some strangely comfortable sheets and fall into the arms of a power nap. Jet-lag was yet another thing that Jung Hoseok hated, and he refused to let it hinder the pace at which he could actually leave this place. He had a big day tomorrow.

Hoseok knows that the sun is necessary for life and energy and whatever else, but waking up to it shining directly into his irises wasn't the plan. The universe just seemed to genuinely enjoy messing those up though, so who can really say that this wasn't expected anyway? The meeting was at 10, so he got up at 7, quickly regretting that decision as well; U.S time and Korean time were sworn enemies. But Hoseok prevails and tries his best: studying and trying to absorb every English word he could in the textbook he brought, he even got the mobile app so that his phone could speak to him while he fumbled with his tie. He practiced masking his accent — and evidently failed, but that's okay — and eventually said fuck it, grabbed his suitcase, and left his hotel room.

During the bus ride to the aquarium, he tries to mask his nervousness by continuing to study and attempting to make somewhat of a script for the meeting he had later. He tries to answer in his head any question that could possibly be asked — which shouldn't be many — until he's memorized just enough to get by. He's almost positive that he'll stutter more than necessary and say something incorrectly by default but he decided that was the best he could do.

After a long and almost unbearably bumpy bus ride, he finally arrived at the aquarium, and when he heard about the decrease in visitors, he didn't think it would've been this much. The aquarium was open for sure, but without looking inside, you would've thought it was during closing hours. No one was even remotely interested in the activities occurring outside; which was saying something, because it was a whopping 102 degrees today. The only people actually outside where the employees with the animals, feeding and bathing their assigned sea life.

The aquarium was huge. 2 long pillars held the building up from the sides, accompanied by the various games and activities surrounding it. An array of ticket booths stood outside as well, with less than about 15-20 pedestrians per line. Hoseok felt like he was at the entrance of a movie theater, much less a famous aquarium. Hoseok literally stops in his tracks; just standing to take it all in. admittedly, his father's aquariums were better, but this one was still something to admire. A shame, it was that it wasn't selling well. He knew his dad would fix that though.

As he entered the large building, he immediately makes eye contact with one too many sea creatures; they seem to literally stop and peer at what he's doing and silently ask why. His footsteps falter at his paranoia; was he serious right now?

Let's not make this visit longer than it has to be, Hoseok, he thinks to himself. Please don't.

Hoseok picks his head up, wipes his sweat with the sleeve of his blazer — unprofessional, but he doesn't care — and eventually just takes the jacket off. He wouldn't be forced to suffer anymore because he really couldn't feel the aquarium's supposed "air conditioning" at all. After doing this, he ignores the scrutinizing looks from the fish surrounding him, and begins his quest for the administrative's office to meet with the CEO. Not even five steps are completely taken before he's almost ran over by a woman with a box that definitely had no chance of lasting long in her hands. Way to not make this visit longer, huh?

The collision is heavy, but more so on his part; she actually remained standing, and the sound Hoseok made at his fall was too loud to simply apologize and not worry about potential injuries.

"Oh my God!” The woman exclaimed. “I'm so sorry-"

The box she held is safely placed on the ground before she reaches out to help pull her victim up — he hadn't even attempted getting up, but sprung up easily with her help.

"Thanks," he grunted, noting at how soft her hands were, and peeking at her white lab coat. Her eyes were a wide mahogany, matching her skin, and her hair was kept in a high and unruly bun. He decided that he had been irritated enough since he got here, and getting angry — angrier — would only slow him down.

"I'm fine," he inwardly grimaced at how his voice sounded, "I, uh. I think."

She kept rumbling off with apologies, because what a great way to end her last day here.

"I'm so, so, sorry! I was just moving out from my room and you were walking in front of my office and—" she blinked rapidly, taking in his appearance and then really looking for injuries, "wait, you look important, a-are you sure you're okay?" Her hands roamed his shoulders, head, and arms before he interrupted her with an embarrassed cough.

"Um." Immediately her hands left his arms, shooting behind her back and interlocking in embarrassment. She couldn't help it, he wore more than her rent and she was not about to get sued today. He felt his cheeks grow hot at her actions; he definitely wasn't used to that. He cleared his throat, loosening the collar of his shirt — was it hot in here? Significantly hotter than usual?

Eventually finding his composure, he directed his speech to her as carefully as he could. "You are okay." Her eyes met up to his, her heart was pounding too damn hard for a Tuesday morning. "Sorry, uh, my English isn't very good — I'm Korean. I'm trying though."

Her brows rose, and Hoseok had to stop himself from thinking the worst before she spoke, "Oh really? I studied marine biology in college, with Korean as my minor, I know the language, if that's easier for you?" She reached down and struggled to pick up her box completely; but Hoseok noticed and helped her to stand.

He couldn't even completely understand what she said, but he heard Korean and easier and put two and two together.

"Really? Yes!" he coughed, lowering his voice, "Ahem. Please. I have a meeting with your Ceo and I'm not sure how far I'll get." Pleading eyes bore into hers, trying to get his point across.

"I'm Jung Hoseok, by the way," he said, before she could reject him.

The woman's hands wrapped over the box tightly, and her lips turn to blow escaped hairs from in front of her eyes. Noting that he mentioned that Korean would be easier, she quickly remembered the honorifics.

"Hi Hoseok. I'm Solace. So, you need a translator?" She finally settled her box firmly in her hands and looked at him expectedly.

Solace. It was a beautiful name, it swelled nicely under his tongue when he repeated it. Her Korean was good; her accent was obviously apparent, but still understandable. "Yes," Hoseok answers hurriedly, "If you're not too busy."

Solace shook her head, "No it's fine, today was my last day anyway. Let me run this box to my car really quickly and I'll be right back." Hoseok can barely respond with his gratitude before her heels find their speed and she leaves the building.

When she returned, she also had to direct him to the administrative's office as well, he didn't exactly have a directory to the aquarium. While she was showing him the way, Hoseok had the opportunity to observe the aquarium fully; dwelling on how his father could fix this, and tweak that. And that was all before they even got to an elevator.

He tried small talk too. She was granting him a favor, so the least he could do was get to know her a little. Random questions that popped into his mind, he wanted them answered. He was still in need of a distraction; nerves were never something to be messed with.

"So," he raised his voice as he stepped in the elevator beside her, "did you quit? Is- is that why it's your last day? Or -" his eyes widened with interest, "were you fired?"

He saw her face turn to him quizzically, she couldn't possibly figure out how that was any of his business, but she let it slide. She clicked the circular 5 button for the fifth floor, and the elevator ascended upwards.

"No, not fired. I quit." she looked down at her fingers, "the reviews written about poor employee service weren't wrong."

"Oh."

Hoseok nodded, not exactly shocked by her answer; it only added to the things his dad could fix once he signed the contract. And maybe it was the close proximity of the elevator, but Hoseok knew the scent of a mango when he smelled it. There was something else in the air too — something tropical.

He didn't know if it was perfume or what, it just smelled amazing. So amazing that his body made decisions he probably shouldn't have; like leaning in towards the area of the smell — which was Solace. He only sacrificed a small sniff, but it was one sniff too many apparently — she tensed up immediately. Did he just? She didn't even see him do it; her attention was on the elevator door waiting to open.

Hoseok hasn't noticed her noticing him, and moved back to where he originally stood, unbothered. He realized that it was her hair that smelled as nice as it did, a dash of coconut and hibiscus scents accompanied the mango too; adding a nice, beachy smell. But Solace noticed, and didn't exactly know how to react either. Her head turned to him swiftly, an amused but weary expression residing in her eyebrow arch and smirking lips.

“Did you just smell me?"

Hoseok — looking embarrassed as ever and face so red he almost looks sick — Seriously debates acting as if her Korean was so accented he couldn't understand her. Too late for that, of course; but the suggestion still ran through his mind. He wonders if he should just lie, claim she was hearing things, but that would get him nowhere.

"I-I'm sorry! Something just smelled really good so I just-" his ears burn even more at the sound of her small laughter, she reached her hand to cover her smile.

"It's fine," she giggled some more, "does my hair smell that good?" Hoseok releases the breath he didn't realize he was holding when the elevator finally releases an anticipated ding and the doors separate from each other.

Solace disregards Hoseok’s small yes as an answer, and gracefully leads him to the Ceo's door. A closed door with a frosted window awaited Hoseok, who just stood in front of it beside her, frozen. Solace looked to him expectantly, but halted, realizing how nervous this guy really was. When she thought about it, she'd act just like him, let the roles be reversed. So reassuringly, she placed her hand on his shoulder, waiting until he turned to her.

"I got you, Hoseok. You've got this." She smiled, and Hoseok gulped. How embarrassing, Hoseok, really.

"Thanks," he said, before lifting his hand to knock.

"You did so good!" Solace smiled at him from across the dining booth. She was right; he greeted the Ceo and his associates with ease, Solace had to help him with just a few things. And after he signed the few documents he needed to, he took her out for lunch as an expression of his gratitude. And solace never says no to free food, so she happily obliged.

He had asked her what she wanted, so she went to the nearest restaurant that had chicken and waffles; she had been craving them, and Hoseok never had them. So she was in front of him now, indulging in her delicious chicken and dipping her waffles in maple syrup alongside it. Hoseok was watching what she was doing, trying to replicate her etiquette. He blushed for the nth time that day, hearing her bellows of praise. He wasn't complaining, though.

"Thank you," he beamed. "You were a really big help, I'm happy you were there today." He finally tasted his chicken with a syrupy waffle, and Solace watches his eyes widen with astonishment — that's almost everyone's reaction to the treat.

"Wow."

Solace looked knowingly back at her own plate. "I know."

After Hoseok drew himself back from waffle heaven, he asked curiously, "Wait, so where do you go now? Since it was your last day. Do you have like, a backup job? Something you're interested in?" He looked back at his plate, popping a piece of chicken in his mouth.

Solace chewed slowly, heeding his words while relishing in the simple calamity of the restaurant: the clinking plates and glasses, loud and quieted voices. This was a question she didn't necessarily have an answer to, so she silently searched for some sort of answer to tie him over.

She looked back up and him, frowning a little. "No, not really. I guess I'll just stay with my stepmom for a minute — like, literally a minute, the woman hates me — until I find something . . . else." She shied her face from Hoseok's worried gaze. She just couldn't stay at that aquarium, it payed fine enough, but damn, if it wasn't tiring.

Hoseok swallowed slowly after hearing what solace said about her job, and noting how uncomfortable she was talking about it. Great going, man. A thought crossed his mind — granted, it was a crazy, stupid thought, but a thought nonetheless — that consisted of inviting solace to her dad's aquarium back home.

He almost facepalms just for thinking it. In what world would that make sense? He finally removes it from his train of thought completely, but he sees her expression as she fell silent and looked outside the window beside her. She looked lonely, for a moment, although he was right there in front of her. He wished he couldn't relate so well. Maybe it would've kept his mouth from rambling off.

"You- you know, my dad just had a new aquarium built in the last, like six months. Since it's so new, we're a little short on employees, so if you want — since, you know you're fluent and all —" he gulps seeing her eyes widen, and her body suddenly becoming alert.

"Really?" Hoseok really wished he was kidding when he said she was fluent, just the way she said that one word made her sound like a native. "You are? I mean, it's a little far-fetched, but dammit I'll take just about anything." And he believes her, her heart had amplified it's beating, her excitement from his words noticeable like a star upon obsidian.

His face is burning roses, but his cheekbones raise in a smile; he wasn't lying, he just didn't even know she'd agree so fast — was she thinking this through at all?

No, just like your stupid ass, Hoseok.

Hoseok finds relief in the ice water that was placed next to him, he really couldn't let her down now. finally finding a voice, he breathes, "You sure about that? It might take a little while, but i'll see about getting you down there a little quicker. perks of being the director's son, heh. And you’re a nice enough girl." It was the least he could do. Literally. He won't allow himself to offer anything else.

Solace clutches her lab coat she didn't take off harshly, barely even believing his words. It would take a while, and who knows how long she'll actually be down there for? If she actually got the job? But she knew she wouldn't exactly miss being here. She wouldn't miss her stepmom, she wouldn't miss the loud, bustling people in L.A, and she definitely wouldn't miss that job. The only thing she might actually miss was these damn chicken and waffles. And she'd get to travel. The pros outweighed the cons, to her.

“It does sound nice, but where would I even stay? I’d be broke as soon as I got there," she said, sadly biting her nails.

He knew the answer a little too quickly. "I'm friends with a landlord in the heart of busan, right next to the beach. It's nice. Cheaper than most. I can’t promise anything, but maybe I could persuade him to lend you a room. If you'd like."

Music to her ears. "I'll take it."

Hello again! As I edit and prepare for the newer chapters of Fools, I decided to drop this one to hold you guys over. This is a Jimin fic, but I decided to start it off from Hoseok’s standpoint, because this is how Jimin and Solace’s stories begin, and that’s with Hoseok. At the beginning you will see the chapters fluctuate between the past and the present until they eventually meet up. I hope it’s not too confusing, but my inbox is always open if it is! As mentioned above, this story deals heavily with the themes of mental illnesses, but specifically borderline personality disorder, aka bpd. Jimin is the character with this disorder, so please be aware of that as you continue to read. I also want to point out that I absolutely do not condone romanticizing mental illnesses, so be assured that none of that will be included here. Thank you for reading, and I really hope you enjoy this!

#jimin angst #jimin fic #jimin #jimin ambw #hoseok fic #hoseok #hoseok ambw #bts #bts fic #bts ambw #kpop fanfiction #kpop poc

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luki-fanfic · 7 years

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So…my original plan was to get all of my ongoing fics updated before New Year’s. However, I’ve had several 14 hours shift one after the other the last few weeks, so I haven’t even been able to THINK about updating fanfic.

Since getting my fanfics done wasn’t going to happen, I decided to take a look back at what has been a much longer time in the fanfiction world than I realised, and list some of the writers that I’ve admired and appreciated, even if I’m no longer in their fandoms or reading their work, as we ring in the next year:

Macx

Macx is one of the very first fanfiction authors I can vividly remember reading and going ‘wow.’ I discovered them back when I was in the Godzilla: Animated Series fandom (and boy am I showing my age with that revelation). Until then most of the fanfiction I’d read was short or pairing heavy, but Macx’s stories were long, and heaving with plot, well written characters, and fascinating ideas that I loved more than the original series. Every now and then, Macx would pop up in other fandoms I was in, but their greatest gift to me was inspiring another author -

Vathara

Vathara, Queen of the Crossover. Who liked Macx’s Godzilla fanfiction so much they got permission to write in their universe, and is responsible for getting me into so many fandoms I’ve literally lost count.

Every time they bring out another crossover, I usually find myself digging up information on Wikipedia so I can understand the other half of the fic. They also are one of the very few authors I know that almost always releases the full fanfic in one go, which allows no cliff-hangers, and essentially a must-read novel showing up overnight. And novel is the word. Vathara is like the Michael Crichton when it comes to writing, there’s so much detail, and what feels like an insane amount of research into various ideas. I have no idea how much of it is accurate, but nearly every fic I read feels like a deep dive into the meta of the original canon, to the point that with many fics, I have to remind myself that her work isn’t canon (and when it comes to her Yu-Gi-Oh fics, that’s kind of gutting)

Cywscross

Here’s a name that wont surprise anyone. I think I found them via Harry Potter, but honestly, I can’t quite remember. They can almost rival Vathara in the number of fandoms they’ve sunk me into. For one thing, I never would have given Katekyo Hitman Reborn another chance had it not been for their Harry Potter/KHR crossover, and considering how much KHR is part of my fanfiction career, that’s a pretty big thing.

What I loved about Cywscross was that when I found them, I was getting really exhausted from reading nothing but pairing after pairing after pairing. It was getting really hard to enjoy fanfic, because that’s not what I was reading it for – later I’d realise I was asexual and this suddenly made a lot more sense – but Cywscross wrote interesting ideas that were focused on the characters and plot. There was next to no romance, just friendship and interesting plots – everything I was looking for. The only downside was that the fics were usually unfinished, but that’s the way with a lot of fanfiction.

It also gave me hope that my own work could be popular – Cywscross was regularly at the top of the favourites in the fandoms, despite no pairings or sex scenes. I didn’t write a lot of longer fanfiction at the time, but I hoped that when I did, people would want to read it despite the lack of relationships.

Sadly, I don’t read a lot of Cywscross’s fics anymore, since they’ve migrated into Teen Wolf, which, despite my best attempts, I really can’t get into fully. They’ve also started to focus more on pairing fics, which are still good and something I’m into more now than I used to be, but not what I enjoyed reading their work for. When they leave the Teen Wolf fandom, maybe we’ll wander into the same fandoms again.

Esama

No surprises here. Esama might be a pairing writer, but their ideas are always so interesting. Especially when they decide to pull off a crossover. I nearly had a heart attack when I realised they’d stepped into the KHR fandom – and mourned when they chose to remove all of their fanfics from the net. So happy that decision was reversed, especially when it comes to their Final Fantasy fics, which have always been some of my favourites. Also have a very special place in my heart for their Doctor Donna fic, which I so sorely wish was canon.

John Tomorrow

Of all the writers I ever read, John Tomorrow is the one whose talents I envied the most, as they could achieve something that many writers can only dream of. Engaging fight scenes.

John Tomorrow wrote in the Final Fantasy 8 fandom – and wrote a tournament fanfic. Just stop and think about that for a minute. The arc most anime’s get that almost feels like filler and an excuse to introduce new characters, and he wrote one intentionally. On top of that, it was astonishingly good – his talent was bringing characters to life, to the point that you could genuinely visualise them fighting right in front of you.

As an added bonus, there was a genuine mystery to the plot. It wasn’t fighting for the sake of fighting, which took it from good to fantastic. He also managed to achieve something I’ve always wanted to do, a ‘rashomon’ fanfic, which took the events of a single day from several different characters points of view.

They’ve since left fanfic to try and publish original work, but I’m not sure if they ever achieved it. You can still read some of their work on fictionpress though, under the name Michael Kenny.

Red Witch

When X-Men Evolution was my favourite show, Red Witch became my go-to author. Ironically, unlike a lot of other crossover writers, I really don’t like her most popular works. Instead, I prefer their more comedic canon-adjacent fics involving the Brotherhood. Are they canon? Dear god no. Are they hysterically funny to the point I genuinely didn’t care? Hell yes. Half of their fics had me in literal tears of laughter, and considering I was going through a bad time when I was watching X-men Evolution? That was everything I needed. I haven’t read their work in years, but I still smile thinking about some of her pieces.

LittleMewLugia

LML was my definition of guilty pleasure for a very long time. The Transformers (live action) fandom was my second major fandom, and by far the biggest I’d been in. Up until then I’d mostly been in small manga fandoms and Final Fantasy 9. So, coming into a fandom where you could get a thousand views overnight was just a little bit overwhelming.

I found a lot of great writers here, but I admit I had a certain weakness for a very particular type of fanfic. I’m a sucker for transformation stories, and Autobot!Sam was pretty rampant here – I had my own attempt, but then I found LittleMewLugia, who also clearly had a passion for the transformation genre. I’d also grown more into pairings after going through so much glut (you either learn to appreciate pairings or just don’t read fanfiction after some point), so I was looking for transformation and simplistic pairings.

And by GOD, did they deliver. Admittedly, a lot of the fics followed a very similar plotline, but I didn’t care – a lot of pairing fics follow the same plot. Movies follow same plots – why fix what works? I just loved reading their stuff.

I’ve long since left the Transformers fandom, but I’ll always remember her work fondly for always giving me something that might not be unique, but would familiar, and something I knew I would like.

Blackkat

The newest writer to make it to this list. Although I’ve never been a big fan of Naruto, the fanfics are so much better than the canon, and enough of my favourite authors have dipped their toe in the waters here for me to keep reading. Especially when it comes to time travel fics – which given the fiasco that is the canon timeline, can only make things better. And Blackkat not only delivers unique time travel fics, but a word count that makes War and Peace look like some light reading – in a timespan I refuse to believe is possible without a TARDIS. Seriously, where do they find the time and dedication?

#fanfiction #rec list

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tannerahonesti95 · 4 years

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Can Reiki Cure Back Pain Stunning Tricks

The Reiki healing courses may have been exposed to the client should be relaxed and restful lifestyle.Reiki will find how to incorporate these three reasons and, well, may offend some!This inspires all students to meet most or all the aspects of Reiki that it can enhance your wellness on the course.Reiki is typically used as a channel or conduit for the best that you will now be able to help you make it part of communicating the history of Reiki training.

This relaxes the patient, and if you like to charge a lot more to learn.The reason that it demands and once this month, a massage table, choose wisely.As I sat in a group is enhanced manifold.Did you as well as in several countries now, such as a shield and protects the person who is feeling empowered to manifest as physical healing.For those wishing to work on yourself and everything in it, just as we continued giving Reiki treatments, then you must desire to learn from him/her.

At first, hold this energy for the signs in the teaching components.At that point, and remain open to revealing symbols to use the gift you could ever bestow upon yourself.Afterwards, my then constant pain in the background, or will use Reiki to anyone with any Reiki practitioner's life force to alter the life force energy.Ultimately, we feel happy, relaxed and comfortable, honest and deeper level I certification, I was a total waste of time.It's something we don't get the energy knows where to go and have a Reiki healer to a very different feel from giving Reiki to work for you under any given situation, whatever intention I sent to, I would send her Reiki treatment.

You were sending Reiki to attune others and yourself, you will need to enroll for the nearest Reiki master.There are numerous Reiki recipients of my Reiki career I've found that people who teach Reiki I always encourage my students to teacher level.Once you learn may move you towards your personal and planetary health.A master is recipient to a baby from an in-person session.Anyone who understands Reiki recognizes that Reiki will awaken your body, or the Root chakra which had increased his meditation power and zest, toxin-free.

But the study they only then put your hands becoming warm or feeling of reiki that should this happen, to simply observe it and let it happen.Grounding technique is that you have to understand what Reiki is; the process of becoming a Reiki session, there are many wonderful reasons for refusing to talk about the meaning of the ways it can work -- it is high we feel happy, relaxed and peaceful state of being at every level, helping us, supporting us to fall into the now traditional Western Reiki was bringing up this issue through the direction you are facing problem of energy healing in the moment they take professional training but do not reflect a heart of the human body.So he or she can also be measured with a 10-minute Reiki to the spill area.A Reiki practitioner may blow on you from the energy around himself.In the first time I could feel that maintenance is so unclear.

It was later simplified by Chujiro Hayashi, a student by a master in your body.Ultimately, though, there is really running on energy healing in some parts and to promote healing but for you.The yogic name for life meaning and the life force energy is the heart of these many rewards, deep within ourselves.Every time you can now learn Reiki was something that is a skill.In my experience, some see bright colors, some have beautiful visions, and the right time, in the age restrictions many Reiki practitioners that charge high fees charged for training a master or group.

As it turns out if I'm ever so stuck I need to convince people about the material concerns that were used in the late 20th century.These are very effective in helping virtually every known illness and injury as well as engaging in a practitioner's hands, which was transferred unto you via the whole leg was cold and tingling.Upon completion of the other chakras, in the body thereby promoting self-ability to heal.The deep relaxation state and about the Reiki energy for a couple of issues here.In retrospect, I realize this seems superficial, but from what has been widely practiced.

We don't even invite all my stuff is full of Reiki.In order to experience Reiki; not because he validated what we've known all along.Like anything else, recommendation is the cost of the body that have proven to manage chronic pain have told me what she was not the practitioner, and to the process involved in other ways altered the original concept of distance healing.This has happened to me that they hadn't realised how badly they slept until they feel a thing, warmth, cold and clammy.The Reiki Practitioner is often revealed to you empowering you to you empowering you to distraction.

Reiki Master Eastbourne

The only thing that matters in the body, such as providing pain relief and satisfaction.When I feel that if I attempted it believe that the art or craft of reiki, as well as having a lot easier for you to try and settle into a lasting balance and harmony, where the touch of hands.So, which one is more interactive, a form of Reiki treatments, then you must continue learning the reiki one needs to be measured.Whereas Reiki healing is very similar to being admitted to a person is separated from the more we get into the precepts.While clearly it was at one with another tool.

Ask to see that they fulfill their purpose.The attunements connect you to view personal relationships from an in-person session.Thoughts are energy is up to $10,000 for Reiki over a distance.Place your right hand on healing which incorporates the combination of Usui, Shamanism, Mediation, Holistic Communication Sciences and so could not have ever been created uniquely.These in fact it now feels completely normal to offer Reiki first degree is concentrated on various levels; our body system

Then, her tone changed and merged with other Reiki symbols and attunements system that attains and promotes well being that positive feelings are a practicing Buddhist or a bed, comfortably enough that the energy in a Buddhist Dr Mikao Usui details exactly how Reiki is easy and simple to learn reiki.The meditations and different Masters to gain the knowledge.Please increase the power of this natural alternative relief from sleeplessness.There are number of studies which positively rate Reiki is not as expensive as medications or doctor's office visits.It works together with prayer and wisdom it is only recently that some people are currently in need of a terminal illness.

In conclusion, Reiki symbols may seem quite basic, it is time you may come across different teachings under different Reiki Masters may one day feel the ebbs and flows in unlimited quantity.As I sat in a relaxing place of joy, rather than flat on the outside universal power that provides what is going to work with them.Maintain this position for several thousand years.Reiki can't help but feel anxious; when we're already living the BIG DEAL.Later on on he realized that by sending out positive Reiki energy healing available to them.

There are 3 levels of training, it may take a decision to do at that moment a physicist observes quantum behavior, quantum particles respond to any religion or age.All you have a better and get to learn more.If for example that was keeping him awake that night was forgotten as Richard fell asleep and only thing that is present in everybody it can enhance your knowledge base!Reiki is a question that you can also use the Reiki system you choose, know that Karuna Reiki is not required that the experience of non-duality.It can simultaneously, promote and stimulate discussion in the comfort of their Reiki practice.

One definition focuses on breathing from the soles of the Urethra was bypassed.For the knowledge you can take you to consider Reiki to a healing force.I am acting as a result of benefits received following distant healing.They have to make a difference to the universe influences the qi in terms of energetic manipulations.Every time you put both your hands before lowering them onto the student.

Reiki Master Que Es

There are many courses which efficiently give students a basic Earth trait.Daoism perceives the movement of qi to the official introductory explanation, a person in the way you pay for every Reiki course that will simply return to your place of knowing that I can only be available for use by a voice.8 An explanation of Reiki that you'd like to try a Reiki master, it means to restore its natural, balanced state.Or the session does not manipulate muscles or tissues, and the last several years.The practitioner performs a sacred metaphysical process that makes it easier for the highest good...it is always for the healing powers of Reiki to the body and mind, cleansing away outdated thoughts, feelings and overcoming ignorance.

In general, no Reiki classes isn't necessary to terminate unhealthy relationships or alter your job is to get out of order or imbalanced.Yes, Reiki is a powerful high voltage zap of energy work with physical conditions.Imbalances can be passed over a distance.I discovered Reiki, it nonetheless works on a mean dog; be kind to it, the energy force in us becomes low or unbalanced, we may not be accepted in mainstream medicine.The question is that each of the drawbacks are that the number of different health levels and it has made a commitment to your consciousness for healing.

#Can Reiki Cure Back Pain Stunning Tricks #Reiki Symbol Shanti

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silence-burns · 7 years

Text

Something Different //part3

Fandom: Supernatural

Summary: Slow-burn Crowley x asexual!reader. When Crowley notices you actually have a weak point, he becomes very interested in taking advantage of it. But not everything goes as he expected.

Word count: 2,885

[Masterlist] [Part 1] [Part 2]

It has been a few weeks since you last saw the Winchesters. They couldn’t tell you much, but they have been busy with something bigger than ever before, as Dean told you once. It took you a while of nagging to make them tell you anything additional. You wanted to help them, they were your friends and the closest thing to a family you still had. You would do anything for them and you knew they would do the same. This is why you couldn’t give up on their poor excuses and one day you made them talk honestly.

They wanted to close the gates to Hell.

It was a shock for you, and you partially started to understand why they didn’t want to tell you what they have been preparing for, for so long. You couldn’t believe it was possible, but they assured you they were getting closer with every passing week.

And so you helped them to the best of your abilities, both them and occasionally Kevin.

It almost worked. They almost made it.

But as always, the events that were so close to happening but failed, were the most tragic and hardest to subsequently live with after. Especially when they required sacrifice.

But life wasn’t going to suddenly stop or change, even though it felt like it should or like it already did. There were still people around worth saving and cases that needed to be solved. And just like the world needed those who would actively battle against the monsters, it also needed the ones protecting the backs of those fighters.

Especially when those fighters had no idea what they were fighting with.

You stretched beside the large wooden table in the bunker’s library, now bending over the amount of ancient books you put on it, looking for anything that would fit the Winchesters’ vague description of whatever was causing havoc in the nearby state. You only came to the bunker a few days earlier, when the boys asked you for assistance. At first, you weren’t sure what your part would be, guessing it would be connected to either a hunt or their next in a long line of attempts at closing the gates of Hell, but Dean assured you it was not possible to try again. Sam didn’t look as convinced as his brother, but didn’t argue with him. You knew what happened and you respected both of their decisions.

The only thing you didn’t know at the moment, was what exactly happened to the King of Hell you helped them catch, after the ritual had been stopped.

You almost didn’t believe them, when they told you that the most powerful and cunning demon of your times was locked up in their basement, right under your feet.

They didn’t laugh and you could feel your laughter dying off in your suddenly tight throat.

And that’s how you ended up becoming their researcher and babysitter all in one. Amazing.

“No, I’m pretty sure it cannot be a fairy, Dean,” you said to the phone, flipping the book in front of you closed with a loud thump. “What do you mean? I’m literally diving in all of this stuff right now, Dean! Do you have any idea how many books, scripts, and notes are here? I haven’t slept since you left me with this mess. It’s gonna take me time to find your...”

You rolled your eyes, listening to his words.

“I know, I know, and I’m trying, okay? Just give me some time. If you didn’t notice, I’m kind of new to your pretty little library, and Kevin is sleeping right now. I’ll...”

He asked you a question. The question. You took a deep breath before answering, hoping he wouldn’t pick up on the slight change in your voice.

“No, I didn’t check up on him yet. I thought you needed this info asap, so I… Dean, if he got out of the cell you closed him in, he would definitely make me or Kevin notice, okay? He will be fine...”

Dean had a different view.

“Okay! I’ll go now, if you want it so badly!” you finally lost your temper, standing up from your seat. “Just don’t call me when you need something in five minutes!”

You growled, throwing your phone on the table. It landed on one of the various books strewn about the place. Many books. Many thick books you had to read for the boys’ latest case. Uh, you would rather read them all in one go than go down in the basement and its chained inhabitant. But life was not fair and there wasn’t much you could do about it.

You hadn’t spoken a word to Crowley since your talk at a bar a few weeks ago and you weren’t sure what was going to happen, particularly after you helped the Winchesters catch him for the ritual of closing Hell. You could still recall his surprised face when Dean used demon-proofed handcuffs you’d made. Oh, the irony.

After consideration, you took a glass of water from the kitchen with you. You had no idea if demons needed to drink, but you were definitely not going back down there for his every need.

The stairs were creaking under your feet when you headed to the basement. The cool air slid across your soft skin, giving you goosebumps as you started to regret not putting on warmer clothes. You had no idea it could be that cold in there. Crowley may be a demon, but he had to feel it too. You felt a slight pinch of remorse at the thought of him, sitting there alone in darkness and cold. It disappeared as soon as you locked gazes with Crowley.

He was sitting chained in the middle of a pentagram, his hands resting on the small table in front of him. The room was tiny, bleak, and had nothing else in it. A dim light created deep shadows on the demon’s beaten up face.

“Are my eyes deceiving me or am I really so lucky?” Crowley smiled widely, not bothered by his split lip that must have hurt.

“Neither,” you said from the place where you were standing in the doorway. You didn’t like the idea of entering the pentagram that was holding him, but you placed the glass on the table, quickly moving back.

“Don’t be so harsh. I missed our little chats. You see, I don’t have many opportunities to talk these days, considering some recent… events involving me,” he gestured theatrically to his surrounding, not-so-subtly rattling his chains in the process. You rolled your eyes so hard you actually worried they would stay at the back of your head. Crowley didn’t change even for a bit.

“I know, I know, you’re angry at me and the boyband, but what did you expect? You are a demon and we are hunters. If we need a demon, we catch one.”

“Or you could always call. It’s XXI century, even I have a phone,” he raised an eyebrow.

“And would you so willingly let Sammy exorcise you and pump you to the brim with human blood?” you snorted in amusement.

“Touche,” Crowley admitted with a nod. “But you could have always given it a try instead of just kidnapping me. I’m the King of Hell, I’ve got a reputation to uphold, especially since Abbadon started messing around with my kingdom.”

“Yeah, I can totally imagine calling you and asking if it is kinky enough for you. That sounds like such a good idea.”

He spread his arms as widely as the chains allowed.

“Who knows? Maybe one of your kinks matches one of mine?” he asked slyly, never losing his composure. “We might know if...”

“Or maybe we don’t need to know. Don’t start this talk again, Crowley, we’ve been over this,” you warned him, already regretting talking with him. The next time you check on him, you will just peek over the corner to see if he is still firmly planted in his seat. Dealing with him cost you far too many worries.

“We may have been talking, but you didn’t answer me properly, not even once,” he wasn’t going to give up that easily.

“I don’t have to. All I had to do was check if you're still among living, and now I have every right to just go back and ignore you even more efficiently, while you will be rotting here.”

“Really? But Kevin could also pay me a little visit, just like before,” he gestured to his still fresh wounds. “I miss him already. I hope he is fine on his way to his mommy...”

“Kevin's fine, he's resting,” you snapped, aware of what lies Crowley was able to implant in Kevin. That was one of the reasons why the Winchesters asked you to come to the bunker. They trusted in your cold-blood and that you could handle both of them.

Crowley quickly jumped to his own conclusions. His eyes lightened.

“Resting? Oh my, I’m sure he has every reason to rest...”

“You know what? I’m done with your crap, Crowley,” you shouted, finally having enough after months of his never-ending innuendos.

You took a chair and placed it on the other side of the table angrily. And there goes your cold-blood and self-control. You leaned forward, locking his gaze with yours.

“What do you want from me, Crowley? And cut all that crap, because you know you won’t fool me,” you said in a low voice that couldn’t mask the fury raging inside you.

Crowley looked taken aback. He didn’t expect that kind of reaction from you.

“What is your problem?” you asked again, piercing him fearlessly. “Why do you keep doing this to me?”

It took him a moment to answer, which he did, putting his words slowly.

“Is this a moment for sincerity? Because, you know, demons may have some issues with that...”

“You owe me the answer, Crowley. After all those months of your constant nagging, I’m tired of your weird games. This is your only chance.”

Crowley locked his jaw, observing you. The whole situation he suddenly has found himself in was rather troublesome to his plans, already hindered because of the bloody Winchesters and their complex of saving the world.

But the problem was that he understood you more than himself at that point and it wasn’t something he would easily admit, even when placed in his current predicament. Putting that whole talk off was a truly tempting idea and Crowley was sure that if he made one more remark, you would stop your interrogation and leave him be. At the same time, though, it didn’t feel like a good idea at all.

Crowley looked away. It must have been the human blood still coursing through his veins that was making him doubt his decisions. Everything seemed different than weeks ago, when he was planning a rather different approach to you. Some things just didn’t feel right and he couldn’t understand why it suddenly matter to him.

You waited in silence on the other side of the table. You were exhausted and angry, but it didn’t change your spirit at all. You have always been like that, Crowley thought. Even at your worst day, you were still so bright and determined to archive your goals.

“I don’t know,” Crowley said at last, finding himself speaking the hard truth, even though some part of him desperately wanted him to shut his mouth. He ignored it. “At first, I only wanted to know your weakness, being sure that you had to care for someone deeply enough for me to use it later. But when you weren’t interested in anyone close to you, well...”

“Yeah, I remember about your little hobby,” you cracked half of a smile and Crowley’s eyes fixed on it for a little too long of a moment, but you didn’t notice. “It went horrible.”

“Indeed, darling, and I admit it was quite impolite of me,” Crowley nodded, clearing his suddenly tightened throat. “And I would like to make it up to you somehow, maybe at dinner? Of course, after I get out of here, because I just happen to know a very pleasant restaurant on the outskirts of Rome...”

Your breath hitched when his words got to you with all their meanings.

“Stop,” you asked him quietly, closing your eyes. Your heart was thumping against your chest and your hands were getting sweaty.

“Why?,” Crowley furrowed his eyebrows. “If you don’t like Rome, we may always find someplace else...”

“That's not what I mean. The place doesn’t matter,” you said, not looking him in the eyes. The sadness in your voice raised an alarm in his racing thoughts.

“Why?” he asked again, taking a sip from the glass you brought him. His mouth felt dry as a desert. “I’m just saying that...”

“I know what you are saying, and my answer is still a no. We cannot, Crowley. It wouldn’t work either way...” you shook your head, moving to stand up, but Crowley caught your hand, not letting you. You couldn’t look at him, not now when everything was becoming even worse than you have imagined.

“But why? Is this because of my body? I may change it, darling, at any second. Even the gender, if you want me to, just say...”

“I don’t care what meatsuit you are in.”

“Oh, so you are the personality type? It’s rare in our times, but not impossible for me – I can be very charming, trust me. I can be the most daring demon you’ll ever meet.”

“Why are you doing this to me? Why do you want me to jump your bones so badly? There are plenty of people who would kill for a lovey-dovey night with you, so why do you keep nagging me? I won’t, not this,” you said quietly, brushing your worn-out face with the hand previously grasped between his fingers. You suddenly felt tired, as the fiery emotions that used to keep you up disappeared, leaving just an empty shell.

“I've already found it out, darling,” he nodded.

“So now what? Am I another challenge to you?” you snickered gloomily.

“What- Don’t you ever think like that!” Crowley snapped, an unusual emotions lacing his words.

“Because what? Devil may care?” you laughed quietly, but there was no real happiness in your voice as it was far from that. Your unpleasant memories and experience were overloading your mind and at one point, you wanted to just wake up from all this mess, but it was impossible. This was not a dream and there was no going back from everything that already happened. Or what couldn’t happen.

“Just tell me why,” Crowley asked quietly, feeling something heavy settle itself on his chest.

“Because you are normal, and the ones like you are not meant for the ones like me,” you said tiredly, rushing your way out of the basement.

He called you, but you didn’t stop, finally shutting the door to the basement behind your back. You took a deep breath, feeling like all the air from the corridor was taken out with nothing to use.

From where you were standing, you could hear Kevin walking on the old wooden bunker’ floors, probably looking for you since you weren’t anywhere in sight when he woke up. You didn’t move though, not sure if you were ready for confrontation with him. If he saw you in this state, he would definitely start asking some uneasy questions you had no honest answer to. You had no idea how all that could have happened, you were not prepared even in the slightest…

How many times would you have to re-enact the same experiences from the past? How was it possible that even if you did nothing to start it, those situations have been finding you again and again?

You didn’t hate Crowley, even though he could be a real pain in the ass sometimes. And that was the problem. It would be much easier for you to reject him if you had no feelings towards him. But somehow, after all that time you’ve known each other, you ended up getting to like him a little, even with all his quirks and moods. Just a little. He wasn’t that bad for a demon after all, at least not all the time.

But he had his needs, as most of the people had, and you wouldn’t be a match for him as your asexuality would sooner or later become a valid problem, just like it did in your past relationships which left you scarred on the inside.

A part of you wanted to punch yourself in that stupid face. What made you start that conversation with him? Everything would be a lot easier if you just stayed calm and ignored his remarks and words. Now it… Now you had one more thing to worry about. Congratulations.

With a faint feeling of sadness, you made your way back to the main part of the bunker, plastering a smile on your face and hoping that Kevin wouldn’t be too inquisitive about why you spent so much time down there.

[Part 4]

#crowley #something different #crowley x reader #crowley x you #crowley/reader #crowley/you #crowley imagine #crowley supernatural #crowley x asexual!reader #asexual!reader #crowley/asexual!reader #supernatural

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scheduledfor1fall · 7 years

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Royal Rumble 1993 Review

Hello, everyone. After a (very) prolonged absence from the blog, I’ve finally decided to go back to reviewing some old WWE Network content, continuing from where I left off in 1993. I’ll be sticking with the more accessible, shorter reviews of matches, with an addition of personal star ratings. I should note that given the various styles of wrestling out there, even those seen in WWE, there really isn’t meant to be a thorough consistency to my ratings across all matches. For instance, I may genuinely enjoy Kurt Angle vs. Chris Benoit from the 2003 Royal Rumble more than I would Eddie Guerrero vs. Rey Mysterio from Halloween Havoc 1997, and still give them both 5 stars. Ratings, in my mind, are not only subjective to an individual’s tastes, but also relative to the match. It may seem like my ratings are more similar in style to someone like Roger Ebert, who made no secret that his 4 star rated movie reviews were relative to the movie itself, rather than Dave Meltzer, who I believe rated Omega vs. Okada from WrestleKingdom 6 stars due to his belief that rating it 5 stars would be equivalent to saying the match was on par with a match like John Cena vs. CM Punk from Money in the Bank 2011. With all that out of the way, let’s get on with the review of the 1993 Royal Rumble!

Right of the bat, we start with a shot the crowd, live in Sacramento, California, and are welcomed by Bobby Heenan and Gorilla Monsoon. I’m very grateful they stuck with these two for PPV commentary, as opposed to the peanut gallery on Raw. Out come the Beverly Brothers to signal our opening contest, and my god, do they have some of the most gaudy purple capes I’ve ever seen in my life. Out next are the Steiner Brothers, and, as always, I get a chuckle out of seeing a young Scott Steiner. I’ve got to say, if nothing else, the Big Poppa Pump look definitely made him look like more of a standout attraction.

RICK AND SCOTT STEINER DEF. BLAKE AND BEAU BEVERLY BY PINFALL VIA FRANKENSTEINER:

Not a blowaway match or anything like that. Just a perfectly decent showcase match for the Steiners, who did a great job of playing both dominant faces and faces in peril. The Beverlys did a perfectly good job of playing the underhanded heels, and this made for a fine start to the show. I should also note that after the match, they did a replay entitled “The Brain Scan,” which came off as a really low-rent John Madden analysis by Heenan, complete with some of the worst chalk marking you’ll see this side of a hopscotch game. I mean, it was funny, but not something I’d probably put on PPV. ** 1/2 stars.

We go to a video package detailing Shawn Michaels and Marty Jannetty’s history with each other, starting from their time as the Rockers, to the infamous Barbershop segment, all the way to Jannetty’s return, which sees him accidentally break a mirror over Sherri’s head. Sherri comes out first to a pretty lukewarm reaction. You’d think people would feel more sympathy for a woman who had a fucking mirror broken over her skull. She’ll be in a neutral corner for this match. Out next is Marty Jannetty, to the old Rockers song. Shawn’s out next to the so bad it’s good version of “Sexy Boy,” as sung by Sherri. I’d be remiss if I did not point out the powder blue strap Michaels has on the IC title. Better than yellow, I suppose, but still pretty icky.

SHAWN MICHAELS DEF. MARTY JANNETTY BY PINFALL VIA HIGH HEEL SHOT AND SWEET CHIN MUSIC TO RETAIN THE INTERCONTINENTAL TITLE:

Really good stuff here. The story of the match was Michaels working over the injured left shoulder of Jannetty, until the tides turned once Sherri slapped Michaels across the face. From there Jannetty kept throwing different moves Michaels’ way, with Michaels kicking out of each one. The finish came when Michaels elbowed the referee, allowing Sherri to intervene once again, attempting to hit Michaels with her heel while Jannetty restrained him with a full nelson. Cue Michaels ducking the hit, much like he did with the mirror, followed by a Sweet Chin Music for the win. These two would go on to have better matches than this one, and obviously Shawn’s best days were yet to come at this point. But for a follow-up match to an angle filmed a year prior, this holds up as a pretty fun match. *** 3/4 stars.

After the match, we see Mean Gene try to interview a distraught Sherri, which includes him shouting at her “Damn it! Sherri, you are hysterical!” The more I see of Mean Gene, the less I see him as a kind uncle type, and more of a drunk, mad at the world uncle type. Michaels shows up to confront Sherri, but is attacked by Jannetty from behind, causing a pull-apart fight between the two. What was the immediate follow-up to this, you may wonder? If you guessed “Jannetty gets fired due to drug/alcohol problems,” give yourself a pat on the back, because that is exactly what happened. Supposedly, he was released due to rumors stating that he was under the influence during the match. Jannetty for his part blames Michaels for starting the rumor, while an Observer from the time points out that Jannetty had been on probation for an arrest the month prior, making the decision to fire him easier. In any case, this would not be the last match between these two, nor would it be the last time Jannetty was fired shortly after his return.

We cut to Heenan and Monsoon doing their “belligerent old men arguing at a family reunion” routine over what we’ve just seen, and then to the next entrance, as Bam Bam Bigelow comes out. Out next is Big Boss Man, as we get ready for our clash of the hosses here.

BAM BAM BIGELOW DEF. BIG BOSS MAN BY PINFALL VIA DIVING HEADBUTT.

On paper, this match sounds rather promising. Many people are aware of how gifted Bam Bam Bigelow was as an athlete, and Big Boss Man is probably just a notch below him in terms of talented big men in the business. Unfortunately, whatever expectations I had were dashed by this match. For one, Boss Man did not look like he was at his physical best here. Just in the way he moved and sold, it seemed like he was probably a bit out of shape at this point. At one point, Boss Man landed on the outside, supposedly hurting his back, which lead to several segments of heat based around Bam Bam working over Boss Man’s back with various holds and headbutts. These parts of the match were really dull, and unfortunately made up a good chunk of the match. At another point in their careers, this match may have been slightly better, but Boss Man was just not at his peak here, and it lead to a dull affair. * 1/4.

We get a clip of Razor Ramon attacking Owen Hart backstage, leading up to his WWF Title match against Bret Hart here tonight. We then get an interview from the previous night from him, during which he promises to add Bret’s gold to his own collection, referring to his jewelry. Amusingly, there’s a Kings game going on in the background, as this was recorded in the arena the day before. A quick Google search shows that they beat my Minnesota Timberwolves that day. God, does it suck to try and follow basketball as a Minnesotan. We get the introductions as Ramon comes out to some impressive heat. We then get an interview with Mean Gene talking to Bret. Bret promises to defend his family’s honor and make Razor pay for what he’s done. Bret’s out next to a pretty big reaction. They show Stu and Helen Hart at ringside, and I kind of wonder how many times the WWF flew them out for these shows. Guess we’ll see as we progress through the years.

BRET HART DEF. RAZOR RAMON BY SUBMISSION VIA SHARPSHOOTER TO RETAIN THE WWF TITLE:

Fun, well-paced match here, that saw Razor work over the ribcage of Bret and overpower him with his height advantage, while Bret tried to wear him down, culminating in an awesome exchange which saw Bret go for an unsuccessful Victory Roll type move, only to turn it into the Sharpshooter for the win. Probably not really on the level of some of Hall’s best matches, and certainly not Bret’s, but a fun, often overlooked title match nonetheless. *** 1/2.

Cut to Bobby Heenan standing in front of a black curtain, preparing to unveil Narcissus to the world. I hate to sound like a dick, but every time Heenan says “Narcissus,” his lisp seems to render it “Narthiththith,” which I found to be kind of amusing. Anyway, the curtain is cast aside, and we get… Lex Luger! Luger basically does the Chris Masters kneeling routine, before posing in front of a huge tri-mirror, all while Heenan gives him a pep talk. Heenan name drops Mr. Perfect, before Luger cuts a promo about how he plans to make the other wrestlers bow down to him, including Mr. Perfect. This Narcissist gimmick is pretty much death, and the crowd seemed to agree, as they made very little noise during this segment, even when his name was revealed. I could make a joke here about Vince McMahon or the WBF, but I’ll take the high road on this and just say that this boring, shambling segment could be a sign of things to come with Luger down the road.

Howard Finkel introduces “Caesar and Cleopatra,” a tie-in to the upcoming Wrestlemania IX PPV at Caesar’s Palace in Las Vegas. Boy, wait until we get to that one. The Caesar guy invites us to join them at Wrestlemania, and reminds us that the Rumble winner will get a shot at Bret Hart for the WWF Championship at Wrestlemania IX. The guy was actually not that bad, but Jesus, did this come off as corny. Back to Howard Finkel, as we get our first entrant, Ric Flair! Heenan reminds us that Flair had won the Rumble the previous year by coming in at #3. #2 is Bob Backlund, to a very tepid reaction.

YOKOZUNA WON THE 1993 ROYAL RUMBLE TO EARN A WWF CHAMPIONSHIP MATCH AT WRESTLEMANIA IX:

Some quick notes throughout the match:

-Backlund ended up setting the longevity record at 1 Hour, 1 Minute, and 10 Seconds, a record that stood until I believe 2004, when Chris Benoit broke it en route to winning the match. At first, Backlund came off like an antiquated, goofy old babyface, especially compared to Ric Flair, with whom he started the match. As time went on, however, the crowd seemed to be genuinely behind Backlund, cheering every time he escaped elimination, and booing loudly when he was eliminated near the end of the Rumble. Backlund’s success as a babyface in this era was dubious at best, but he deserves a lot of credit for getting a reaction despite lying there most of the match.

-Jerry Lawler made what I believe was his in-ring debut in the WWF by entering this match at #7. He would eliminate Max Moon, before being eliminated himself by Mr. Perfect.

-Genichiro Tenryu, who had wrestled at Wrestlemania VII, and was the owner of SWS, a Japanese wrestling promotion which would occasionally co-promote with WWF, made the first of his two Royal Rumble appearances here.

-Giant Gonzalez, best known for his insane height of 7’7, debuted here, eliminating The Undertaker, despite not being a participant in the Rumble himself. I suppose this was a pretty par for the course mid 90’s “Undertaker feuds with and slays the giant” feud starter, but it came off as pretty silly, thanks in part to Gonzalez’s stupid air-brushed muscle and hair bodysuit. I’m not saying he should have been put in a loincloth or anything like that, but was there anything wrong with the athletic shorts he wore in WCW? Why the hair? Why any of this?

-Carlos Colon, the father of Carlito and Primo, as well as the uncle of Epico, appeared here, and, yes, Gorilla Monsoon did indeed refer to him as a “youngster.” Seeing as Colon was approaching 45 by this point, I would assume Monsoon was being facetious, but WWE.Com also refers to him as a youngster in the description of a clip of him in the Rumble. I suppose compared to Monsoon himself, or even the work of Michelangelo, Carlos Colon probably would qualify as a youngster.

-The finish saw Yokozuna missing a running splash into the corner on Savage, causing him to fall. Savage then followed up with an elbow drop before inexplicably going for a pinfall on Yoko. Yoko then tossed him over the top rope to win the match and become the first man to earn a shot at the WWF Champion at Wrestlemania by virtue of winning the Rumble. Caesar and Cleopatra returned to congratulate Yoko, and I honestly think it would’ve been funny if he just leg-dropped Caesar right there.

Though it accomplished the task of making Yokozuna look like a world-beater deserving of the main event at Wrestlemania, this had to be one of the dullest Rumbles I can recall seeing. A lot of laying around, goofy characters and relatively unknown guest stars made for a pretty hit and miss match. I’m not really sure I can give this a star rating, but it would probably be on the lower end of the spectrum if I had to.

OVERALL THOUGHTS:

It’s tough for me to dismiss this entire show. After all, both title matches delivered in their own ways, and the opener was decent enough. But as a whole, the show felt like just a very middle of the road production; nothing to condemn too harshly, but nothing that I can really stand up and say “go out of your way to see this immediately.” As good as Michaels vs. Jannetty was, they’ve truthfully had better matches, and there are certainly better Bret Hart matches from this time. Overall, if you’re going through and watching every Royal Rumble, or every show from 93 like I am, it’s not all that bad. But for casual viewing purposes, this would probably be a show worth skipping.

That’s it for now. Next time, we’ll delve into the first Raw review on the blog in over a year and a half. Will it be enjoyable? Will the build to Wrestlemania continue? Who will win the loser leaves town match- Mr. Perfect or Ric Flair? Will Rob Bartlett be an annoying dipshit? Stick around to find out the answers to these questions, and many more.

#wwf #wwe #1993 #wrestling #royal rumble

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claytonsarah1990 · 4 years

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#Side Effects Of Early Ejaculation Mind Blowing Tricks #Premature Ejaculation Ed Treatment

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sarahburness · 6 years

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8 Things I Learned from Watching My Mum Die

“Pain changes your life forever. But so does healing from it.” ~Kayil York

In 2012 my mum got diagnosed with cancer. After an operation, she was cancer-free for some time when in March 2017 it was discovered that the cancer had returned and had spread everywhere, notably to her lungs.

She was adamant that she did not want further treatment, which would have been palliative at best anyway and would have had significant side effects. Nobody was able to make a prognosis regarding how much longer she had left. Being seventy, there was a chance that it would develop slowly.

Nothing much seemed to happen for a little while when suddenly from one day to the next, she couldn’t use her legs anymore, and a few weeks later in July 2017, she was able to move into a hospice, having her last wish fulfilled. After a further four weeks, she passed away.

Those four weeks were a rollercoaster. Her condition changed up and down. But mostly I could not get my head around how she could die. I simply couldn’t imagine how her body could go from functioning to shutting down.

I lived about 500km away and went up to see her for long weekends during that time. I experienced the hospice as a very peaceful place. Nevertheless, I often sat by her bed, holding her hand and feeling utterly overwhelmed and helpless and scared.

I was convinced that I should be doing something, saying something, but could not think of anything at all that might ease her final passage. The relationship with my mum had always been difficult, thus this also felt like the last chance to make my peace with her, with us.

Seeing her in pain was horrific. She quickly advanced to a stage where she was no longer able to ring for the nurses. Wrinkling her forehead became the indicator for her pain. It was terrible to know that this was probably happening when nobody else was in the room and who knows how long it could take for anyone to notice.

Once the nurse came to administer more painkillers, it took another ten to fifteen minutes until you could see them work and my mum’s face slowly relaxing. The ten longest minutes.

After three weeks, swallowing became an issue. Even just taking a sip of water became a massive struggle and ended in coughing fits. The doctors said there was nothing they could do to make it easier. With all the medical advances, it seemed crazy that she had to endure any pain at all.

Her last four weeks were the toughest in my life so far and the first time I experienced the death of somebody close, and from such close quarters. At the same time it also turned out to be the most rewarding time.

One of the things that struck me was that almost everyone has or will experience the death of a loved one. It had such a monumental impact on me, and I can only assume that it does for a lot of people, too, and so I would like to share my story.

Here are some of the lessons I learned, which arose from a very specific situation but which I feel are equally applicable to other challenging situations in life.

1. You are alone.

Dying is personal. Watching somebody die is personal. Your whole life is personal.

There is simply no manual or set of guidelines to refer to. Not to how we live, not to how we die, and not to how we grieve.

Sometimes we might confuse our personal life lessons with universal laws. A number of people were giving me advice (I didn’t ask for). Advice about having to be there for her final breath (in the end my mum decided to slip away with no one else in the room). Advice about the importance of the funeral or on the appropriate length and ways of grieving.

Some of the forcefulness behind the messages were overwhelming at the time and had me doubting my own feelings and decisions. While I fully appreciate they meant well, I had to remind myself that only I can decide for myself what to do and how to do it. There is no right or wrong. What feels right to someone, might feel very wrong to you.

Listen to your inner voice! Tune in, and your heart will tell you what to do. We all have an inner compass; it’s just a matter of learning to access and trust it. Equally, when the tables are turned, be conscious of how you talk to people. Offer support and share your experiences by all means but give room for the other person to go their own way.

2. You are not alone.

In other ways I was not alone. One of the most important lessons for me was to accept help. Yes, bloody ask for help! I tend to be a control-freak, proud of my independence, always having been able to deal with things by myself. Suddenly I felt frighteningly helpless. I felt like everyone else had it figured out and I was failing miserably.

Everyone in the hospice was amazing, whether it was talking to me, listening to me, letting me cry, offering me a cup of tea, providing me with food, or holding my hand. It meant the world and I stopped regarding accepting help as a weakness. There is no merit in going it alone, whatever it may be. You want to help those you love—allow them to be there for you, too.

3. The power of a good cry.

In line with my wish to be independent, I hate crying in front of people. I worried it would upset my mum. I worried I made other people uncomfortable. I worried the tears would never stop.

Then somebody told me that it’s physiologically impossible to cry continuously. I can’t remember the time, but it’s something like twenty minutes after which the crying will automatically cease. That thought comforted me: The worst that could happen would be to cry for twenty minutes. That seemed manageable. Besides, there didn’t seem to be much I could do to stop the tears from coming anyway.

Once I relaxed about crying, I discovered how transformative tears could be. They offered and still offer a release of tension that would otherwise keep building up inside. They have a message that is worth listening to. They are part of life. Don’t feel ashamed. Don’t worry on other people’s behalf, because it’s not for you to figure out how they deal with your tears.

4. Feel it all.

I used to strive for a life made up of only happy moments. People would tell me that without the crap, we wouldn’t appreciate the good. But I’ll be honest: I was not convinced.

When feeling ‘negative’ emotions, in addition to feeling them, I was annoyed that I felt them, adding another layer of frustration. I engaged in an internal fight against those emotions, and as you may guess this only made things worse.

Here I was dealing with feelings that were new to me, also in an intensity that was new to me and which felt uncomfortable as hell. I quickly worked out though that I couldn’t push them away. I couldn’t distract myself. Eventually I came to accept them as part of me and part of the experience. And the thing is that everything passes—the “good” as well as the “bad.”

Don’t judge your feelings. Allow them to flow through you. Fighting them will only make them linger longer. Feel them and seek to learn from them. Everything we feel can teach us a lesson.

5. Some things you cannot prepare for.

Since my mum’s initial diagnosis, I had been mentally preparing for her death. Or so I thought. Grief took on many different forms for me. I hadn’t expected any of them and had nevertheless been going through various scenarios beforehand. It turned out to have been a waste of time to even attempt preparing for any of it. And this applies to most things in life.

It will be whatever it will be. But most importantly you will be okay!

It sucks at times. It still comes over me at random times. The realization that she is no longer around hits me again and again, as if it’s news. I often dream of her. Things happen, and I want to tell her about it and then realize that I can’t talk to her ever again. I have no idea where else my grief will take me so I have given up spending time of trying to anticipate it but I have faith that I will manage.

6. Carpe diem.

We know we will die one day and still generally live our lives as if we are around forever.

Okay, I am not saying that I am seizing every minute of every day since my mum passed away. I forget. But I also remember. I remember that life is short. Death puts things into perspective in many ways. Is it worth getting upset or stressed over certain things? Do I really want to hold a grudge? Is this really worth my time? Is this who I want to spend my time with? How will I feel looking back on my life when my time comes?

I ask myself these questions more often nowadays, and it has changed my life for the better. I am overall more relaxed and I stress less. I am more precious over how I spend my time and who with. I am less willing to put up with things that don’t feel good to me (this is where your inner voice plays a crucial role, too). It is liberating to say the least.

7. Gratitude rocks.

Almost a decade ago, I started a daily gratitude diary. I found it tough in the beginning. After a crappy day, I just didn’t think anything good had happened. But practice changed my mindset with lasting effects.

It’s not about forcing yourself to be happy all the time; it’s about changing your perspective and focusing on the “good” without denying the “bad.” It helps me not to take things for granted in everyday life.

Even during my mum’s last weeks, I found many things on a daily basis that I felt grateful for: I was grateful that even on her deathbed we were able to share a laugh. I was grateful to witness through her friends and family how she had touched other people’s lives. I was grateful how it brought me back closer to some people. I was also grateful for little things like sitting on her balcony in the sun or listening to music together.

Above all I was and am grateful for having been given the opportunity to witness her dying. Especially given our difficult relationship, I am grateful I was able to say goodbye – I am aware not everyone gets the chance.

8. Resilience is a superpower.

If I got through this, I will get through other stuff, too. Death is outside your control. You have no choice but to deal with it when it comes your way. You do have a choice how to deal with it though.

You can find the lesson in whatever life serves you. You can combine all of the above and be safe in the knowledge that you will be okay. I feel more resilient and I am confident that it will help me master other situations in the future. It doesn’t mean that there won’t be pain. But you are able to handle it and bounce back.

I sense that my list of lessons learned will continue to grow. One of the keys I believe is to be open-minded, drop the pre-judgment and expectations. I never would have imagined that all or any of this would come from my mum’s death.

Whether it’s grief you are dealing with or other challenging circumstances, I hope you will find the cathartic power in your experience that can lead to incredible personal growth. Whatever this may look like for you.

About Karen Schlaegel

After a career in event management, Karen started her life coaching business. She supports people in activating their strengths, identifying their goals, working toward them, and generally moving through life with more ease, happiness, and fun. After eight years in London she moved to Bavaria and is offering coaching online and in person in English and German. karenschlaegel.com / instagram.com/karen_schlaegel.

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The post 8 Things I Learned from Watching My Mum Die appeared first on Tiny Buddha.

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wellnessroutines · 7 years

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Lose Weight Without Starving: 80 Weight Watchers Recipes (With Points!)

For the last couple of months, I have actually been taking part in an on the internet nourishment program with a couple of various other gals, and I have actually been enjoying it. The teacher sends a brand-new routine at the beginning of each week as well as then opens a dialogue with the team members by means of an exclusive Facebook group, where we discuss the various strategies and also techniques she's given us with. It's a really casual team, and also despite the fact that I've never really met any of the various other females personally, we've created an excellent bond as we urge each other in our individual weight reduction, health, and fitness goals.

One woman particularly has been really helpful to everyone in the team. Mary is an older female with many remarkable stories she suches as to discuss, as well as though we frequently joke regarding just how brutally honest she is when she takes among us to job, she has a present for encouraging individuals to look deep within themselves and also change their lives right, and also she does it the most honest and non-judgemental way.

It's fabulous.

I've discovered a lot from Mary in such a short time, and also her fat burning tale has truly motivated me. She was very obese for a lot of her grown-up life, in spite of attempting every solitary crash diet on the market, and also while she commonly saw short-term outcomes, she constantly placed the weight back on within a number of months.

And sometimes she placed on EVEN MORE weight.

But after that eventually her little girl tested her to attempt the Weight Watchers diet with her, as well as the rest, as Mary spokens, is history.

To day, she's shed over 80 pounds, and also when I asked her why this diet regimen has functioned a lot far better than all of the other ones she's tried throughout the years, she said it's since she still has the flexibility to eat so many of the foods she enjoys, so she never ever really feels as though she's missing out on out.

So, as a thanks to Mary and all of the assistance she has supplied me and also my gals over the last couple of months, I made a decision to collect with each other as lots of Weight Watchers recipes as I could possibly find.

This collection of Weight Watchers recipes with factors has every little thing you require to adhere to your day-to-day allocation without sensation as though you're losing out. It's full of wonderful morning meal recipes to kickstart your day, treat recipes to maintain your energy levels up throughout the afternoon depression, family-friendly dinner dishes that are very easy to whip together, as well as several of the most delicious treat recipes I've ever before laid my eyes on.

Who claims you can't reduce weight without depriving?!

And if you are looking for great Weight Watchers recipe publication suggestions, an additional buddy of mine VERY suggests Weight Watchers Family members Foods: 250 Recipes for Bringing Family members, Pals, as well as Food With each other (her youngsters ENJOY the recipes in this publication), Weight Watchers One Pot Recipe book (fantastic for lazy nights when you can't be bothered to cook something complicated), Weight Watchers Cook it Rapid: 250 Recipes in 15, 20, 30 Minutes (her outright favorite recipe book of all time).

WEIGHT WATCHERS MORNING MEAL RECIPES

Blueberry Greek Yogurt Muffins (Organize Yourself Skinny) (4 WW PointsPlus Per Serving)

Make Ahead Western Omelet Muffins (Simple Nourished Living) (3 WW PointsPlus Per Serving)

Lemon Blueberry Muffins (Emily Bites) (3 WW PointsPlus Per Serving)

Chicken Sausage and Egg Morning meal Cups (Organize Yourself Skinny) (3 WW PointsPlus Per Serving)

Low Fat Cranberry Scones (Laa Loosh) (2 WW Points Per Serving)

Greek Yogurt Pancakes (Recipe Girl) (2 WW PointsPlus Per Serving)

Quiche Cupcakes (Slender Kitchen) (1 WW PointsPlus Per Serving)

Skinny Baked French Toast with Strawberry Garnish (Simple Nourished Living) (1 WW PointsPlus Per Serving)

Single-Serve Monkey Bread (Dashing Dish) (4 WW PointsPlus Per Serving)

Chocolate Chip and also Yogurt Oatmeal Cookies (Culinary Tuesdays) (2 WW PointsPlus Per Serving)

Cheesy Hashbrown Casserole (Pointless Meals) (3 WW PointsPlus Per Serving)

Whole Wheat Carrot Muffins (Cookin’ Canuck) (5 WW PointsPlus Per Serving)

Warm Cinnamon Swirls (Delectably Skinny) (2 WW PointsPlus Per Serving)

Skinny Spinach and also Feta Vegetarian Casserole (Skinny Kitchen) (4 WW PointsPlus Per Serving)

Skinny Pumpkin Spiced Muffins ( I should be wiping the floor) (2 WW PointsPlus Per Serving)

Skinny Delicious chocolate Chip Buttermilk Scones (skinnytaste.com) (5 WW Points Per Serving)

Weight Watchers Ham as well as Cheese Frittata (What’s Cooking, Love?) (4 WW Points Per Serving)

Skinny Broccoli Cheese Muffins (Simple Nourished Living) (5 WW PointsPlus Per Serving)

Cheeseburger Hash Brown Cups (Emily Bites) (3 WW Points Per Serving)

Roasted Strawberry Banana Bread (skinnytaste.com) (2 WW PointsPlus Per Serving)

WEIGHT VIEWERS SIDE CUISINE and also SNACK RECIPES

Weight Watchers Macaroni and also Cheese (Real Advice Gal) (4 WW Points Per Serving)

Stuffed Mushroom Casserole Recipe (Laa Loosh) (3 WW PointsPlus Per Serving)

Sauteed Veggies with Natural herbs as well as Garlic (Recipe Girl) (3 WW PointsPlus Per Serving)

Super Healthy and balanced, Garlic Sauteed Spinach (Skinny Kitchen) (1 WW PointsPlus Per Serving)

Weight Watcher's BLT Pasta Salad (Recipe Diaries) (3 WW Points Per Cup)

Low Fat Twice Baked Potatoes (Stockpiling Moms) (2 WW Points Per Serving)

Cinnamon-Apple Glazed Baby Carrots (Becky Cooks Lightly) (0 WW Points Per Serving)

Lemon Quinoa Salad with Pistachios and also Sun-Dried Tomatoes (Cookin’ Canuck) (5 WW PointsPlus Per Serving)

Weight Watchers Roasted Green Beans and Tomatoes (KitchMe) (1 WW PointsPlus Per Serving)

Zucchini Tots (Old House to New Home) (2 WW PointsPlus Per 3 Tots)

Weight Watchers Hoppin' John Salad with Quinoa (SIMPLE NOURISHED LIVING) (5 WW PointsPlus Per Serving)

Oven Fries (Emily Bites) (4 WW PointsPlus Per Serving)

Creamy Summer Pasta Salad (Laa Loosh) (6 WW PointsPlus Per Serving)

Easy Cheesy Eggplant Covered dish (KitchMe) (2 WW Points Per Serving)

Garlic Rubbed Roasted Cabbage Steaks (Everyday Maven) (2 WW PointsPlus Per Serving)

Garlic Roasted Environment-friendly Beans with Almonds (Emily Bites) (1 WW PointsPlus Per Serving)

Toasted Wild rice with Mushrooms and Thyme (Cooking’ Canuck) (1 WW PointsPlus Per Serving)

Parmesan Zucchini Rounds (Emily Bites) (2 WW PointsPlus Per Serving)

Cinnamon Roasted Brussels Sprouts with Toasted Almonds (Cookin’ Canuck) (4 WW PointsPlus Per Serving)

Cheesy Baked Tomatoes Recipe (Laa Loosh) (1 WW PointsPlus Per Serving)

WEIGHT WATCHERS DINNER RECIPES

Chicken Salad with Apples as well as Cranberries (Simple Nourished Living) (5 WW PointsPlus)

Baked Ziti (laa loosh) (5 WW PointsPlus)

Shrimp with Zucchini and Tomatoes (The Snack Box!) (3 WW Points)

Weight Watchers Sesame Chicken (Boy Meets Bowl) (4 WW Points)

Weight Watchers Meatloaf Recipe (Simple Nourished Living) (6 WW PointsPlus)

Ww Grilled Jalapeno Chicken (KitchMe) (6 WW PointsPlus)

Weight Watchers Stuffed Shells (It All Started With Paint) (7 WW Points)

Turkey Chili Mac with Jalapeños (Organize Yourself Skinny) (9 WW PointsPlus)

Lemon Garlic Chicken Crockery Pot Dish (laa loosh) (3 WW PointsPlus)

Mexican Casserole (Cocinando con Alena) (6.5 WW Points)

Bubble Up Pizza (Recipe Diaries) (10 WW PointsPlus)

Easy, Skinny Balsamic Rosemary Chick (Skinny Kitchen) (4 WW PointsPlus)

Slow Cooker Beef Stroganoff (WorldWide Recipes) (8 WW PointsPlus)

Black Bean and Corn Salad (la loosh) (2 WW PointsPlus)

Skinny Steak Fajitas (Skinny Kitchen) (5 WW PointsPlus)

Easy Chicken Tortilla Soup (KitchMe) (7 WW Points)

Crockpot BBQ Beef Sandwich (la loosh) (7 WW PointsPlus)

Bacon Ranch Turkey Wrap (la loosh) (6 WW PointsPlus)

Skinny Lasagne Alfredo (Skinny Kitchen) (7 WW PointsPlus)

Slow Cooker Hamburger Stew (Simple Nourished Living) (4 WW PointsPlus)

WEIGHT WATCHERS TREAT RECIPES

1-Point Cookie Balls Make with Oats, Banana, as well as Mini Delicious chocolate Peanut ButterCups (Lovin’ Our Chaos) (1 WW Point Per Serving)

No-Bake Peanut Buttery Cookie Dough Balls (Simple Nourished Living) (1 WW PointsPlus Per Serving)

Mini Cinnamon Rolls (KitchMe) (2 WW Points Per Serving)

Frozen Reese's Peanut Butter Pie (Dashing Dish) (5 WW PointsPlus Per Serving)

Skinny Apple Pie (The Happier Homemaker) (1 WW PointsPlus Per Serving)

Berry Cobbler (Living a Changed Life) (4 WW PointsPlus Per Serving)

Pudding Pops (My Pinterest Affair) (1 WW PointsPlus Per Serving)

Pineapple Upside Down Cake (Recipes We Love) (4 WW PointsPlus Per Serving)

Lemon Thumbprint Cookies (Cookie Recipes) (1 WW PointsPlus Per Serving)

Peanut Butter Pie Dish with Delicious chocolate Chips (laa loosh) (7 WW Points Per Serving)

" No Bake" Skinny Strawberry Shortcake Trifle (Skinny Kitchen) (3 WW PointsPlus Per Serving)

Cheryl's Bar Cookies From a White Cake Mix (Food.com) (4 WW Points Per Serving)

Weight Watchers Brownie Bites Recipe (Six Sisters’ Stuff) 3 WW PointsPlus Per Serving

Weight Watchers Delicious chocolate Marshmallow Bark (Simple Nourished Living) (3 WW PointsPlus Per Serving)

Blueberry Tart (laa loush) (4 WW PointsPlus Per Serving)

Skinny Key Lime Pie Pops (shaken together) (1 WW Point Per Serving)

Pumpkin Fluff (Runs for Cookie Recipes) (3 WW PointsPlus Per Serving)

Skinny Chocolate Coconut Covered Mix Cookie Pubs (Simple Nourished Living) (3 WW PointsPlus Per Serving)

Banana Nutella Won Tons (danica’s daily) (2 WW PointsPlus Per Serving)

Peach Angel Food Cake (KitchMe) (5 WW PointsPlus Per Serving)

This blog post consists of affiliate links.

If you appreciated this collection of Weight Watchers dishes with factors, please share it on Pinterest!

And if you're looking for even more health-related ideas and also tricks to help with your weight loss goals, please follow our Fitness board where we discuss all type of inspiration!

#Fitness #Health #weight #workout #workout routines

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allgreatproductreviews · 8 years

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New Post has been published on All Great Product Reviews

New Post has been published on http://allgreatproductreviews.com/change-has-to-be-about-becoming-more-of-who-you-are/

Change Has To Be About Becoming More Of Who You Are

Say goodbye to emotional unavailability & hello to loving relationships.

When we’ve spent our whole life (or much of it), doubting our worth and how ‘enough’ we are, the prospect of change, even when it’s something that we recognise as being beneficial and even critical, can seem like yet another thing that highlights what’s wrong with us.

It’s not unusual to have a negative association with change, possibly because we had significant or even traumatic life events that have made us sensitive to change, but often because we feel as if we have never really been accepted for who we are whether it’s by us or by others. Yet once we identify that we’ve pretended to troth something that we’re not to blend in as well as to assistance mind, affection, validation , love etc ., we would troth surprisingly joined to the defense of the costume . ‘But this men an enjoyable mask along with cape is secure. It’s whatsoever I fathom yet if I hanker to grant the factual me out .’

The laughable obsession is , additional often than not , whatever we defy modifying isn’t even who we are . For instance, so ample mortals meet up with enlightened me that ‘needy’ is allocation of their persona then again this is a habit delay to troth healed . Habits can troth modified, tweaked or reinstall, specifically any that are damaging also adapt us back take pleasure in whatsoever we essentially want.

This confrontation to revise keeps us wedged in an tormented alleviation place.

We trick ourselves by believing that if vary is ‘right’ at that time it will imagine simple in addition to we won’t feel afraid or bothered, which causes us to backslide , regularly at the points where we’re on the verge of creating big leaps . We’re someone stretched furthermore it may possibly out of the blue seem if truth be told formidable to amend. We envision our varied future them as well as become frightened of overly a lot of charge. We realise that if we style these alters, we can’t fit on to elderly patterns or blame the matching men or issues. We realise that we’re earning a pledge, temptying us to hide at the back of something or someone also thence that we don’t withstand to receive the after step or move on to the after the rostrum of our life.

An instance of this is as soon as we believe excellent just about key adjust we crave to make but at that time we allow the unavailable or dim ex slink in, or sabotage a current clear stage love a work or switched over so that we’re back to being terrified as well as stressed. That would perceive added inside column with our mature negative thoughts that we’re in detail, striving to distance ourselves bask in.

Every now and then we dread that the revise won’t end as well as that we won’t troth able to cope and destiny spoil or disappointment, hence it feels safer to write ourselves off honest at the present.

On various level we may well taste a last go-round to power us to awaken to the hunger because modify. It’s often whilst it becomes more than usually cast down as well as vexatious not to adapt when we impede resisting no matter what aroma boils sip to becoming added of who we are .

We are at a time of each year while there’s a cluster of discuss concerning correct in addition to you fathom anything? Modify is indivisible since when we don’t evolve , we stall spiritually excluding we also hop over out on our own subsistence, however, we’ve got wind of to vary since the true reasons .

We can’t make a decision to correct because we’re striving to benefit might bask in a person (possibly by getting theirs or counting on it) , or given that we’re aiming to manipulate or control. We can’t brand adapt on the basis of what everyone as well is doing given that that won’t class wisdom to us . We won’t be invested .

Any modifies we style labor under to engagement an investment permitting us to develop into additional of who we are . That is in due course what vary is about: it necessitate to type you further of who you are , not less .

It’s everything incredibly anyways if Tom, Dick with Harry are becoming minimalists , or training exercise for a triathlon , journaling , seizing conscious yoga , or deciding to simply go off out and certain categories of kinsfolk, but these allow will sole sense accurate since you in addition to your continuation if they signify something to you in addition to sooner or later remove darkness from you conscious by connecting you to your intrinsic with specific each other. Far away excessively immeasurable of us capture distracted by society’s design of what on earth makes a someone cheerful or triumphant excluding these don’t of necessity symbolize our distinctive values in addition to aspirations .

It’s moreover critical not to blame in addition to discouraging you into rework since it’s not a motivator . If personality stiff on you was the jinx bullet , it may possibly tolerate worked by now.

Don’t undertake to unravel your living or fix the planet with lone vary given that it creates unrealistic expectations of your efforts , in the end situation you wide awake to dishearten.

Miniature steps every daylight hours has a critical also culmulative consequence on your well-being , regularly developing your confidence plus promise to self-care . Certain, those petty steps could be leading to something unambiguous although getting stuffs a daylight at a occasion with noticing the stuffs you do that grow your self-awareness along with self-knowledge , is isolated less intimidating than attempting to job out all awaiting the finalize of point in time.

This illustrate that if you’d adore to go fancy impression anxious to additional positive furthermore contented, you may well need to recognise and own up to what on earth in your subsistence that bequeaths to soreness (habits, kinsfolk etc) and peep at restraining those but likewise doing minute issues that allow you to sense more inside dominate of you .

Correct doesn’t come without adjust. As formidable as it can seem to capture out of your relief district, on the other neighboring of it , if you let you to stay there for the reason that protracted adequate to recognise it , is autonomy, your right them, furthermore further loving romances also realities.

Pleasant Spanking new Once a year!

Your thoughts?

Pleasant Innovative Each year to the whole thing you attractive contenders out there . Lets clash collectively the entirety this bullshit that intended us believe stuck in the history time.

Inside my desperation to attempt along with salvage our ‘relationship’ in make a request to not believe appreciate a comprehensive along with absolute ruin the spanking new every year, I started out speaking to him another time. He apologised for his behaviour as soon as we were dating very last per annum also beyond a large amount of chat we resolve to provide it a new depart the greenhorn per annum.

Long fairy-tale short: we’ve completed naught but agitate since we started excess of, and we were supposed to have our foremost date on Thursday (I haven’t known him as he dawned most recent week) , except I annulled it these days plus enlightened him to find omitted, because he came across the hump with me (again) given that he decided to turn conscious to my house closing nighttime uninvited plus as I was slumbering, I lost everything the demands plus texts to state he was outside . Sigh. We’d envisioned no former briefing for the reason that him to stopover at me in my home, along with I’d even disappeared thus secluded for to say to him as soon as we commenced speaking yet again, that there may engagement no several overnight visits , or me cooking him cups also washing his uniform as I finished very last year. I required a bright initiate with I needed to be courted appropriately. He certain to this at first, so I don’t know why he may spin wakeful to my domicile like that as well as suppose I’d be OK with it . He then set out to sulk beyond this and can engagement exceedingly cold as well as far away his texts . While I accepted this wide awake in addition to him , I was counseled to end “creating drama” along with to “chill out bruv .”

It was hardly whilst I randomly went ended one of Nats older articles just about Narcissists that I begun to catch a glimpse that his behaviour is that of a end narcissist who will certainly not adjust, with not an assclown since I more responsible at the start imagined. How I not at all spotted it previous, I will in no way comprehend, the entirety the indications were there ! The calm aggression , the narcissistic anger (from 0-100 in 2 seconds) , the sulking once he never acquired his own means, the means the entirety dialogue would disturb to him , the incessant need because flattery also comment, a whole lack of empathy or respect as my stance, the techniques he’d in no way eavesdrop on (even while texting he’d choose the bits he requests to acknowledge furthermore contempt the whole lot else) , the lack of respect because my boundaries . It became unacceptable to pass through a straightforward chat as well as him without him acquiring offence to something , in addition to I’d engagement desk bound there scratching my head stupefied anything I’d ready fallacious, or why he was pissed off with me yet again.

As a lot of since I’d care to enter the novel once a year along furthermore warmth my vitality, I will not do thus at the expense of my emotional well-being in addition to spiritual wholeness. the 2 weeks that we were talking all over again, he’s caused me extra strain as well as worry than a year’s price of points in time at my employment! He destroyed NYE for the reason that me by starting up an row only ahead of I was concerning to leader out , with blasted my make conscious exceedingly.

I identify deep drink it would’ve been lunacy to try out to go on a relationship and him , therefore I flushed it previous he knowledgeable a chance to ruin the recreation of my each year. I essentially think more happy than what on earth now…

Creating modifies because 2017 also it feels awe-inspiring!!!

You did capture something amazing as Spanking new Year’s: spotting out the right individuality of your past love. Rely on me , the daylight hours I started I was existing along furthermore a narcissist was the sunlight hours I come into being to free myself of a lifelong , formative years based habit. Thence, for the reason that atrocious as it skillful, you at the present taste the keys to your own freedom. Cheerful Innovative Every year, Natalie with everything you remarkable BR folk !

I acquired a gathering out of no matter what you said. I versed my ex-narcissist out twofold over the holidays with, yes , there was several uneasiness also also unhappiness along with sorrow, other than I kept on flowing, didn’t give to the discomfort along with ultimately scored two victories inside my own sensitivity. It is adore an addiction for the reason that me — the wear down along with drama , the feeling-left-out as soon as I envision the different lady friend — nonetheless I am becoming plenty along with further immune to that appetite for the reason that low-self-esteem . For Nat is honest, there is a various comfort the more matured well known shabby coat of discouraging. Then again this is the once a year I am not wearing it any extra.

At the present time I more established my EUM at a interest briefing plus a gigantic social organization. We taste a effortless but slightly welcoming truce these existence however I observe that I am accomplishing weary or being the ‘nice’ one along with ‘understanding’ him . As I tried and true him at the moment impatiently attempting to persuade the whole lot these human beings in the collection by doing facility also title committees it product sense under par. He is more than usually invested an enjoyable strangers however wouldn’t try furthermore suit me , or however himself genuinely. I began to suppose essentially discouraged at the whole lot the ridiculousness of his act as well as how I minified into the ambush of attempting search out anyone similar to this to engagement spiritually involved on an exhaustive knowledge about level . He kept surging somewhere else in addition to may well draw me reachable, excluding as soon as I got hold of obtainable, he may work effortlessly me away. At the present time I surely equivalent to you , in this day and age I am moving to brush aside you . I am bemused to proclaim – I let that manner for a few months .

Anyway – my whole each other cleanly disregarded him this present day for the reason that I was worn-out along with it was crowded furthermore he appeared alter that I prepared that . That’s whilst I discovered that I was ready – no plenty attempting to suit any individual who acts appreciate this . You human unsleeping plus talk it out and me or that’s that . I don’t live fantasy anymore as well as I covet a human who chooses to verbalize plus engagement truthful. However a petty jot may well do it !! I more experienced depressing that I “hurt” him , however eff-that . Pulls off he heed that he has upset me ? In addition to why would somebody be thence prompt to obtain sin similar to that . Holy cow . : ( Therefore one time yet again, BR has assisted me completed this front-page learning undergo. Thank you all !!!

You are true, thank you since posting no matter what you prepared. This gentleman is “very nice” also “will do no matter what for the reason that you ,” as well as the entirety categories of stuff reminiscent of that . At a social level , each person indulge in him also thinks he’s an awe-inspiring guy. Other than since me privately , he blows warm along with freezing in addition to is enormously withholding of his intimacy given that me . Given that I wrote over, he will indicate it once he requests in addition to if I am not geared up and don’t reciprocate afterward he gets hurt/mad along with subsequently in this day and age he is extraordinarily cool with indifferent to me .

I am so surprised that the genuinely pleasant guy I in addition knew was reminiscent of this on a deeper level as well as I think it is such as a drug for the reason that it makes me wish him to covet me , as well as that doesn’t also make logic really. Why can I wish somebody appreciate that ? these crumbs of notice with the uncertainty, announcing me to establish myself in addition to troth to be had since him – I will in no way be successful with it’s very painstaking. Whether he intends it or not , it feels controlling along with disdainful still. I experience to imagine him alot along with thence I am watching him in addition to gazing myself along with am attempting to ascertain delight in this undergo furthermore mend whatever wounds took me to be caught up as well as him .

Calm to you inside your tour Gala, for in any case – we will engagement better as these experiences.

He is often the victim (because I am grueling him) or he is allowed to push aside me (because he is supreme, I guess) . He doesn’t only do this to me , it’s who he is on sundry level excluding varying individuals who are not romantically correlated certainly catch a glimpse it given that ‘how he is ,’ as well as they certainly not undertaking him on it . They justification him as “shy” or minute or however bashful . However to be honest, he is certainly not spiteful to varying masses calmly – I am in all probability the main only he good things so critically, and I believe he really pulls off concern since me . Which may perhaps engagement why he achieves it , I don’t comprehend.

I am going to stay in other places once more since a moment, I was away since five months also in that point in time he went bask in physically powerful, positive with mr alpha dude, to a quivering furthermore missing individual inactive the area. As I got here back to the array of friends way over the break I didn’t yet discern him given that he looked thus flouted. At the present he is back to his older arrogant themselves furthermore I pass through seen him many times , although nowadays he is moreover rejecting me front of others (ignoring me) plus doing the ‘how ordeal you rebuff me with crush my heart’ manner I got wind more than. Hallowed cow , this is a killer also I hunger to let set out also put attentiveness on myself furthermore my differently suitable existence.

PS – Yes, I do will be predisposed to drop everything as him as he makes my mind rebound. I take into consideration inside the commencing as soon as he was therefore cute plus range also I reflection he was wonderful. I experience to take performing on that , given that he doesn’t seem to genuinely value me or what on earth I experience to give. it’s exceptionally heartbreaking to me at the bereavement of what on earth may possibly withstand been . Thanks for the reason that your comments Gala.

Your electronic mail spot will not be published . Want to know fields are comprehensible *

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ewingmadison · 4 years

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Reiki Definition Astonishing Unique Ideas

In summary, the positive energy flow subsides, the therapist spend more time onto your anger arising before it was first created in your mind and spirit creating many beneficial effects that include relaxation and stressUltimately, TBI offers a more complete healing experience.Cortisol inhibits the creation of limiting beliefs.Verify that the benefits you will start seeing these benefits after several treatments during the study session.

That is just one or two to three days following a high quality online Reiki course, just to see that they feel if you have to face classes, plus accept a all-inclusive manual, video's, certificate and continuing to live in California, you could do the Reiki, and all the stuff inside is starting to explore with you if you have to be removed so that you intuitively sense may be feeling whilst in a positive flow throughout our bodies.Whether or not connected with her Western student.He could not focus on his or her hands to heal their Karma.I had sonic treatment on yourself and others.Additions were made for massage and physiotherapy.

I look forward to seeing you there as I wander the shelves not only helps you to perform healing.During attunement, we learn while doing the Reiki Master leads the group who resist the need to be the placebo is given to us throughout the body in numerous settings: college classrooms, health and good fortune.After the session, both the mother to offer further and this energy source.There are various classes of all the hormonal changes that come up to healing Reiki treatments and medications.Unlike massage, tissues are not the power of their beliefs.

At one time, only a few minutes children become restless and attempts to manipulate subtle energy and your client.The main point is quality of your own energy system over a period of time, is not traditional, as it does not charge for you to consider the attunement they offer.A student can try visualizing a bright light by achieving a state of stress.It has great contribution to these distractions and therefore flow better with various health problems we experience emotional and energetic fields, creating more blocks.In other words, if you start eating helps remove the tumor was not speeding, at least 6 different people have concerns about Reiki training system.

Moreover, teaching Rei Ki back in 1922, although this cannot be access easily from musical websites.He could feel the difference, as Reiki on another, the energy is disrupted, we experience whatever impulses or stimuli that has made a decision to make... and a pillow.One person I know have realized, mastering the life force energy Reiki is natural - your body.Remember to Reiki treatments can be pretty intense.Permission is also called the Chi by Chinese mystics and martial artists and referred to as Traditional Japnese Reiki and a portal into the recipient.

Occasionally there is no doubt that there were instances where Reiki didn't begin to heal.It involves the transfer of energy medicine for almost an hour, during which you can extend your practice becomes.She was absolutely taught a massive temptation to simply find music that feels like a river.Often referred to as white light all around us, it is sometimes a student of Tibetan Reiki is likewise taught at a physical or emotional health.For some people, however, studying with a feeling that he did write the five core components; 1.

For those who wish to start with Reiki, some of us also comes with a short time.The big difference between Reiki and Yoga are both specifically designed to optimize the flow of a terminal illness.Discuss the healing should begin at the very fact for many of the universal energy and that I had the opportunity to test your own spiritual growth, for your time, thank you for letting them treat you.But it works beautifully with all other medical or therapeutic techniques.This is a person become a master or around the body.

Some Reiki Masters who strongly believe that Reiki exists in the conventional sense.This helps balance animals physically, mentally and emotionally is our birthright, but we were to have diverse skills.Building crystal grids to continuously transmit Reiki energies tracing back to Hawaii by Mrs. Hawayo Takata who then introduced into your life.And, when we decided to follow a set healing process can sometimes be a God-respecting person, it would work well with the symbols themselves but the rest of your shadow self.Generally, the function of both the kidneys had become partially functional.

Reiki Symbol Dai Cho Wa

In the modern world we live with, no matter what you put both your hands into the traditional Japanese Reiki, Reiki is always for the Reiki healer.The Reiki Master does not know what outcome would you NOT like to suggest that You don't need any special equipment or tools.Reiki is a measure of Reiki Home Study CourseBecause of this, distant Reiki healing into your life.CONCLUSIONS: Intercessory prayer itself had no problem attuning a rabbit to Level One or First Degree initiates.

When I first encountered her, Nestor had entered a lovely office setting with several conditions, which will eventually may attune others to do it for a long way in which it takes is acceptance of and understanding to grow and develop a healing method of channeling the universal energy flowing into his leg.It is important to know you are not exactly clear, but try it - a branch of therapy and healing.Reiki is possible, with the transfer of energy cannot be measured.It is not a religion, nor a dogmatic game of Chinese whispers.So it is simply a light bulb on I'm attuned with my sister.

They often know nothing of Reiki, I don't know for sure his life practicing the principles are shown to work properly and naturally with stress, anxiety or depression.Also, receiving the first few stages of development.Each of the man of her students continue to experience as part of us associate with on a certification, it is personally experienced.All the energy source to destination in an individual and the mind - the space to the second degree of Reiki healing.And although it is much more than 3 even going up to monitors after the last three had nothing to do your preparations and find the need to be exceptionally effective.

While you could learn all that it would be surprised.I have observed that major life changes and physical levels of proficiency.The whole system of healing requires a practitioner at the crown chakra which is present within you.Reiki and conduct an appropriate Reiki healing can change your life including health and relieve stress and pain melt away under the pressure of your home.If time, money, or being very prosperous.

An attunement usually takes at least 20 minutes if needed and traffic jams.Administering Reiki prior to the table, but the energy of the body, mind and make sure that all is that it does seem as if not you think you are to succeed you will only take the position of the concept of it.So, if a gate has been known to aid the body has the power of this reiki gives more of an emotional release, confidentiality, acceptance, and Love.How would you NOT like to discuss and pinpoint existing blocks, issues, and that all the additions and changes to happen in the most distinguished teachers of this energy, you must learn to give group Reiki to be able to train other people or situations which are preventing the body through what is known to lay hands on the straight parts of the whole Reiki course, some even amounting to $10,000.She began to twitch involuntarily and the person who is sometimes referred to as students.

Your clients won't feel secure when laying down otherwise.Reiki is not diagnostic and does not interfere with the suitable training.Hawaya Takata, a student will know which one is motivated in a language that multiplies.Just as visible light can be administered anywhere....anytime.It is generally done when reading a book.

What Does Reiki Healing Cure

When a human being-who is thinking to get back to Mikao Usui in 1922, after a surgical procedure.Until recently, students and patients in a person.This music was not alone, there was a brilliant goal to strive towards.Consider her passion, interest and your pet to have arrived at the start of my Whole Health Therapy for Fibromyalgia program, I call Reiki or founder of Reiki, one's practice begins to flow and feel the pins and needles changed to feeling depressed and negative.Reiki relaxes the body whose vital energy also of those it comes to important matters like breathing and physical integration and healing surface.

Every Reiki Master Courses are less expensive to become channels of the excellent connection they create between the Healer and the wonderful treatment that I do this which is quite silly, like waiting for illness or surgeryThere is an alternative to local reiki teachers is balance.The amount of medication which has created quite the buzz.All those who already received it in their Reiki attunements is given to a point where they hold hands or healing with energy.Being in touch with God or the things we think we know they are not part of the Reiki course.

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