#but god it's all just such a shitshow
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we are finally off the phone! I'd misjudged the time in the last post but in total it as 2 hours and 5 minutes. I do not know what half that conversation even was but holy shit so much of it was her basically making herself out to be so generous and caring and talking about how worried she is about our mum and how terrible it is that other family members don't help her with anything.
meanwhile she calls our mum and asks her to do all this stuff for her and talks to her like shit and guilt trips her into doing stuff and I know about so much incredibly fucked up stuff she did when our mum was a kid but she doesn't know that we know she's done all this.
also she normally keeps our mum on the phone for this long but doesn't keep us on the phone for very long and it's really weird suddenly being treated like our mum, but she called us because our mum wasn't picking up the phone (she's at work and can't do that) and it's reminding me of the thing where when we had covid in 2021 and our mum couldn't answer the phone, everyone started calling us and dumping every responsibility they'd normally dump on our mum on us instead and basically treating us how they'd normally treat her.
like oh the usual family scapegoat isn't available? time to pester her eldest "daughter" until they have a breakdown and almost end up blocking everyone and refusing to talk to the rest of the family
#personal#thoughts#🍬 post#vent post#''I started experiencing [very graphic description of symptom repeated over and over for at least 5 minutes]#and thought I'd ask you what you think it is because I figured you'd know'' well I don't know but I do feel sick now#I was about to fucking get something to eat but no I'm gonna have to wait for the nausea over that to die down first#she called us panicking and sounding like she was about to cry because our mum wasn't answering#and she ''had a feeling something had gone wrong'' and like okay but you fucking know she's at work. you know she can't answer#''your mum works so hard and I worry so much and I feel so bad when she does things for me''#you mean the things she does for you because you make her feel really guilty if she doesn't?#where you decide to stop answering calls from anyone else in the family so they all call her panicking and make her go and check on you#and you keep this up until she does what you want but then you still carry on doing this if something is even slightly not to your liking#and then you lie about why you wouldn't answer anyone but give 3 different contradictory reasons in half an hour#and keep changing the story when you realise your lies aren't being believed and you're starting to look bad?#are you sure you aren't just saying you feel bad to make it look less like you're manipulating her?#there's so much more that's so much worse but I don't want to get into that right now and I'd need to figure out the right trigger warnings#but god it's all just such a shitshow
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realized a drawing i'm doing rn is almost identically posed to one i did 8.5 years ago of a different oc, except the old drawing was instantly tainted by one of the players featured messaging me asking if i could take it down because their abusive, possessive rp partner saw it and got jealous of them "roleplaying behind their back" and i said "nah" and it became a whole Thing that i should have walked away from at that exact moment but didn't and the 6 months that followed contained some of the most truly condensed batshit i have ever witnessed in an rp community already well-known for its batshittery.
... anyway i love my friends. so happy to accidentally redeem the pose.
#idk if ill ever open up completely about that shitshow but#i think 8 years is past the statute of limitations to vaguepost about it#late tag addition but man now i'm thinking about it all at 4am#how did in the good goddamn did i witness that and still not only let them make me an officer#but also let them put me functionally in charge of their guild IC#while those two fucked off and erped in instanced zones or played overwatch#and i and my then-rp-partner took the heat for the meandering plotline#until my partner vented to the wrong person about the abuse#and it got back to them#and we got to experience the surreality of an honest to god guild coup#all to salvage the image of some egomaniac abuser#certified fucking wra moment#its been 8 years and thinking about how i was treated in the end makes me feel sick lol#they made a new guild discord and invited everyone but us#and when i noticed the channel had gone quiet i asked what was up#and was met with gaslighting about how i'm 'thinking too much' about the channel being a 'little slow'#and it took pushing to get an early admission of what was about to happen#so we logged on and quit ourselves#which fucked up the narrative they had constructed#and they lied in the new channel that WE were the ones doing a 'coup' and that we stole the members who left with us#i guess i am opening up after all#i had to play the fucking villain of that scenario for the past 8 years#all to protect the mental health of people who hurt me#why#if you were there and know what i'm referencing with all of this... there's the fucking story#the person in question is a massively popular artist#i just dont have it in me to fight that fight
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Kristoph Gavin's black psyche-locks have remained unbroken for 17 slutty, slutty years.
#just had to look up when AJAA first came out and good god#ace attorney#kristoph gavin#i remember i once saw someone say that the only reason why people are interested in kristoph instead of other villains is bc he's pretty#and it's like no you dipshit the reason is bc he was shown to have black psyche-locks#which we were then told means a person has trauma so severe they've repressed it to the point they don't even know they have it#and then Capcom went [Tyler Cutebiker voice] never mind all that!!!#and just never brought it up ever again#(well the meaning behind the black psyche-locks came up in the next game but did Kristoph? no)#(and then the game after THAT was a shitshow so. sighs.)#anyway Kristoph was literally shown to have something more going on with him than just ''muahaha i'm evil >:)'' in canon#so that's why he's an interesting & compelling character to a lot of people#it's not OUR fault that capcom then decided to just let him rot#along with Apollo & Trucy's true parentage -- which has also remained a secret for 17 slutty slutty years#for FUCKsake Capcom when i get my fucking HANDS on you#(i will do nothing bc i don't want an assault & battery charge but i WILL scream SO loud from here in my house)
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People really just cannot fucking help themselves.
They really out there using drag queens to mock Christ with that Last Supper monstrosity at the opening ceremony.
Just... Why? Why do that at all? I don't get why that was necessary.
#No wonder the Olympics have been a shitshow from the start#Is it so hard to just not be disrespectful?#Ugh#Brazil kept mocking Christ and they got destroyed by floods#France better watch out#You can mock God all you want but you will face the consequences.
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people with outdoor cats be like: yes my cat came back home half dead, caught hiv, is full of parasites and sometimes has gone missing for weeks but i don't care bc at least the cat is free and not locked inside like selfish people do!!!
#i cannot fucking stress this enough PLEASE do not let your cats roam outside freely if you care about them#if they're used to going outside leash them!!!!#the amount of cats we get at the clinic who come almost dead/with horrible wounds bc they're allowed to be outside is insane#not to mention how many run over cats i see where i live#they could get attacked by other animals too#like its just not worth it#we had to put down a cat today after the owners found her almost dead with an INSANE infection bc she had ruptured her intestines#her hip was shattered too#looked like probably some asshole kicked her#and the owners were like oh we had just buried one of our other cats the other day after she got attacked by another animal#and im just standing there like ?????? and that's normal to you??????#oh but at least the cats can climb trees though 🤪#remember the dude i talked about a while ago who brought his cat in honestly the worst condition I've ever seen?#covered in poop vomit piss and fuck knows what else?#that had a colony of cats all infected with FelV bc he refuses to vax them?#yeah this woman was a family member btw#thank FUCK he didn't come today because that would've been a shitshow#all things considered at least this woman seems to be... not absolutely fucking insane? i guess?#but anyway she kept saying how it was sudden! and how the cat was perfectly fine last night!#oh my gOD that cat had maggots eating her from the inside that doesn't happen overnight#cats are tough and will hide a lot of pain but can't you just tell the truth???#you either didn't care enough to bring this poor baby earlier or you just noticed now what had happened to her
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imma be real with u guys i actually unironically love danganronpa but only the source content i hate 99.99999% of fan content so fucking much.
LISTEN THIS IS A HETALIA BLOG NONE OF US ARE BETTER THAN DANGANRONPAERS AND EVERYONE WHO IS UNAWARE NEEDS TO UNDERSTAND DANGANRONAPERS TREAT KOKICHI THE WAY HETALIA FANS TREAT ENGLAND. EXCEPT WORSE. SOMEHOW 100000x WORSE
#AND IM 20 FEET UNDER IN THIS HETALIA SHITSHOW I KNOW EXACTLY WHAT PEOPLE BEEN DOING TO ENGLAND SINCE 2008#DANGANRONPA IS REALLY FUCKING GOOD ITS HILARIOUS#ALL THE CHARACTERS HAVE SWISS CHEESE FOR BRAINS#THE GAME IS FUN I LIKE THE MINI GAMES I THINK IT LOOKS GREAT YES I LIKE THE FUCKASS DANGANRONPA STANCE ITS FUNNY#THE FIRST GAME IS THE BEST ONE BECAUSE NGL THEY WERE NOT PUSHED THAT HARD TO KILL EACHOTHER LOL#AND ALSO THERES AN ENTIRE PART WHERE U GOTTA CONVINCE ONE KF THE CHARACTERS THAT ANOTHER ONE ISNT A GHOST#AND ALSO BYAKUYA TELLS TOKO TO STOP TALKING AND SHE STRAIGHT UP DOESNT FOR LIKE 2 DAYS AND NOBODY CARES LOL#toko is actually an incredible acomplishment because she is so genuinely insufferable and awful and everybody hates her for half the game#and then somehow by the end of it she hasnt changed but you just like her now its an amazing phenomenon#i cant think of a single other character that ive thought to be the actual worst and then later i like them so much even tho they havent#changed at all#bruh in universe shes hated too like theres that part where junko kidnaps everyones loved ones and we see peoples families n shjt#and then toko only has her goddamn pet stink bug#now that nobody likes danganronpa anymore (thank god) ill make my clearing kokichis name post one day... BECAUSE OH MY GOD WHAT HAVE YOU#PEOPLE DONE TO HIM#HOW COULD YOU DO THIS TO HIM HE DOESNT SLIT HIS WRISTS HES A GAMER
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hmmm getting hit by another little "being heartbroken about tp ganondorf" moment :)
#ganondorf#tp#twilight princess#thoughts#he's just........... like...........#and him and fucking ZANT together what a toxic shitshow you guys#extremely repressed psychosis + terminal stage of burnout sure is the combo of all times#both fueled by revenge resentment bitterness and hatred in their own special way <3#I'd eat fanfic that dissect these two being codependant and horrible and untreated open wounds prancing around in hyrule#making it everyone else's problem :)#ganondorf being the most callous god-complexed heartless bitch that will destroy everyone and then himself if you breathe at him wrong#because if he stops to move and reflect on everything he will literally implode probably#and zant really really reaaaaally having it under control and never ever once threatening to fucking lose it terminally <3#holding on to the.... “god” he found for his sense of worth and power and stability (mega lol your man is in shambles zant sorry) going lik#“can we keep the weird angry god from the light world I picked up from the sidewalk midna? no?? okay :D *coups the twilight realm* ”#I used to not get this relationship conceptually or why people shipped it. I get it now.#awful awful time for everybody involved 10/10#not even getting into the Mega Divorce because wow#but seriously it's genuinely sad that two men who were *severely* wronged by fate and gods ended up being each other's undoing#because they were too.... toxic and fucked up to be anything but toxic and fucked up about it#queer infighting :(#girls hurting girls :(#SORRY about the novel in the tags I am unbearably like this everytime :((((
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Went on a trail ride with another girl I haven’t ridden with in a while l and said “hey let’s try this trail!” and then I nearly got us stuck in a fucking swamp
I literally said “haha, come on Bertie (my horse) it’s not like it’s quicksand” and then boom! it kind of WAS though and my pony is fat but she is small, so she got stuck up to her knees a few times but oh my god, poor Buster is a normal sized thick ol halter hog quarter horse boy and he almost went down. he sunk in on the left side up to his stifle. that’s like his hip man that’s like. Almost the butt. that was high-as-a-horse’s-hips mud. That was horse-thigh-gap-height mud. Oh my god.
This obviously scared the horse so then he scrambled out as best he could and he took his mom into a bank full of many sharp little trees and she almost came off and then had to get down and back him back into the mud to get him out and around the trees again
Was my horse as affected? No. Was I hit so hard in the face by tree branches that I bit my lip? No, but her horse reenacted the neverending fucking story for a minute there and she got pistol whipped by branches and I felt so bad 😭 in fairness, she never objected to exploring. not in fairness, it was absolutely my dumbass idea
This is why no one wants to ride with us, even when I try to have a chill walk-only lazy little trail ride I still manage to get us into some kind of chaos, because my riding style can only be described as Quaintly Unhinged™️
As pet tax, here’s my pony and her stupid stray dog she adopted, brave survivors of the sticky icky swamp
#no animals were harmed in the making of this shitshow only one cut on a human and the dog#who has more than nine lives- was fine and I have no idea how he crossed the mud he could’ve flown I was too busy trying to not fall#I’m sorry Julie I’m sorry Buster. thankfully he is a sturdy fucker and both he and Bertie calmed down quickly once we got back on the main#trail and headed home. but the worst part is?#I had fun lmao I do enjoy this kind of insane shit#one time I went riding with my horse’s girlfriend and her owner and homies just turned her mare into the Rio grande and started crossing#and my mare followed because she’s obsessed with hers and I had a proud ‘oh thank god other people are also crazy’ moment#meanwhile ellis#Bertie the pony#this is why it’s really rare to have good riding buddies that 100% enjoy the same stuff as you. first you have to get past all the issues#between disciplines and training styles etc. and be totally willing to mind your own business#and then you have to have similar ideas of what’s fun#my idea of fun is pounding a beer and galloping my little nag up a dirt road pretending I’m in Rohan#this as you can imagine is an acquired taste for most people lmaoooo
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so um yesterday an embarrassing thing happened and I quietly died on the inside
#all that remains is this thing that people call the human body#so i um like this guy#and was excitedly talking to my friend about this#and the Guy's friend was nearby and he heard me#yes he heard me#ARGH i want to SCREAM#so this Guy's Friend is most likely to tell this to the Guy himself or his other friends#and UGHHHHH I never wanted them to know of my existence#this was (IS) so embarrassing#my life's a shitshow from so many amgles oh my god#im refocusing on my studies and work bc i definitely do not have the time to fret over a guy#still it's just-#oh dear god how can i ever recover from this amount of shame
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3.40 i woke up bc i was cold and needed to pee and now i can't fall back asleep i keep thinking of the people i accidentally ghosted. is it ghosted if there was no intent to ghost? i feel so bad and it's not even like i don't think about them i often do think "i should really reply to them... once this is over ill properly sit down and write them... " and then i don't bc something else happens and im dealing with that and the longer i leave it unanswered the more difficult it becomes because i feel so guilty and therefore want to do things properly not half assed but bc i feel so guilty a part of me also tends to avoid it even more. if i do this to you just know i'm really sorry and ill get back to you i swear
#i have this friend i didn't reply to him for 6 months and then i did with lots of apologies he replied no worries haha AND I WENT AND DIDN'T#REPLY TO THAT FOR ANOTHER 6 MONTHS and the thing is when i had texted him in january i was falling ill and then i was ill for more than a#week so i wasn't really in a condition to reply. and since bc of the illness i had missed some crucial classes and was in the middle of#exam session and i was really struggling so then too i delayed texting him. and then the second semester started and it was such a shitshow#and then i fell ill again and i thought to write him hey i was first ill then send i didn't reply to you and im ill now and im replying to#you 🫠. but then i didn't again#anyways last week i finally texted him like ''hey. how are you ? im really bad at keeping in touch im sorry. can i offer you lunch or dinne#one of these days to apologize and so that we can catch up a little?'' and he hasn't replied yet which is like obviously fine. id get it if#he didn't reply for 6 months or a year i'd pretty much deserves it id say. i'm just worried that he'll never reply bc i have fucked it up#entirely. the truth is all my lifd ive been used to seeing many people i care deeply about like once or twice a year without barely any#contact in between and when we're together again it's like time hasn't passed at all. we just pick up from where we left#the same goes with long distance friendships. to me#anyone ANYONE can tell you how little i reply. :(. still. i know it's not good. @ friend i hope you'll find it in you to forgive me and let#me treat you to lunch#god. side note there is something in this house that is triggering my allergy so bad whether its dust or cat blanket im having the worst#time#good night ill try to sleep again now#it took me one hour to write this post yes
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having a significantly dire self-confidence go lately, so i've been using all my spare moments with attempting to finish my daughter's cross-stitch project i started 2 years ago. i really hate feeling this way.
#i am well aware that i need to change my creation mode#away from someone who creates for other people#it's just that i've got fucking 13 years of internalized failure#that i'm trying to navigate through#and i gotta admit it's been a real fucking slog of a shitshow#in my god damn brain the past few months#i'm trying very hard to give myself grace#because over a decade of failure isn't going to be something i get over so quickly#but also sometimes i want to SCREAM at people#DO YOU KNOW HOW DIFFICULT IT IS TO LET GO OF SOMETHING#THAT YOU FUCKING STAKED YOUR WHOLE LIFE ON#FOR THAT FUCKING LONG#no positives no success stories#you just fucking failed#the fact that i'm writing at all anymore#is probably a god damn miracle#but god damn sometimes i just need someone to throw me a FUCKING LIFE PRESERVER#while i'm DROWNING
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I need to clean my room now. It is dire.
#im so embarrassed it looks like shit over here#i cleaned the kitchen bc my ex was picking up stuff but i KNOW she saw my room#what a fucking shitshow#that box of her things is gone now all ive got left is a handful of rose petals and a second hand coffee maker#and a flannel#all that for a quick 2 monthish relationship#i deeply regret rushing into things but I have poor judgement so.#heres to ruining everything good thats ever happened to me via my own choices 🍻 free will baby#I'm so mad right now even though i shouldn't be#the text thing really got to me idk if things can be ok#like yeah turns out when you hear all your fears verbalized insultingly by another person instead of just in your brain it hits harder??#Just felt like a line was being crossed#anyway#when you spill your guts to another person i guess you gotta expect to have shit flung back at you in the worst possible moment#I suck at keeping my mouth shut that's what happens when you stop journaling#you want to actually confide in others#And don't think I don't know that thats what im doing now#online!!#im unbelievably tired of it all#i wasn't built for this kind of life#ive got no friends. my job doesn’t pay me enough to live. ive got no will to feed myself. etc etc etc#worst of all i have to live with myself#because God knows i can't do anything about it#vile-wizard.txt
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Fandom: DCU (Comics)
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Relationships: Dick Grayson/Slade Wilson
Characters: Dick Grayson, Slade Wilson
Additional Tags: Omega Dick Week (DCU), Alpha Slade Wilson, Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Bitching, Beta to Omega Dick Grayson, Plot What Plot/Porn Without Plot, Degradation, Verbal Humiliation, Objectification, Dirty Talk, Rough Sex, Painful Sex, Blood Kink, Cock & Ball Torture, bleeding during sex, Dacryphilia, Begging, Dubious Consent, Aftercare, Sadism, Edge Play, Timeline What Timeline, Dead Dove: Do Not Eat, Unhealthy Relationships, Possessive Sex, Knotting, Blood As Lube
Summary:
When Dick comes to Slade, asking Slade to bitch him into an omega, Dick refuses to give his reason why. If it means fucking Dick Grayson until he breaks though, Slade's pretty sure he doesn't need a reason.
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Omega Dick Week 2024 - Day 6: Bitching
#omegadickweek2024#necrotic writings#sladick#ao3 fic#dead dove do not eat#i feel like a student turning in an assignment right before midnight#liek yes. i'm on time. barely.#good lord.#this was was good and *fun* but it got away from me and today was busy for adulting stuff.#is this how students feel turning stuff in at midnight?#i don't actually know i'm a high school drop out#there's a random lore drop for you.#we're almost done. the light at the end of the tunnel.#god i loved this one#like this is the most pure raw smut of all my fills for this week by far.#yesterday was also pwp but this one just has a crunch.#she's fun. we love her.#sladick my beloved fucked up shitshow.#just. so yummy.#i'm going to. become a lump#have i been up for 24 hours?? unclear#if i have it's not this fic's fault dw#well. it sort of is.#but i have a surgery soon so like. that's also at fault.#life. yk.
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I haven't even thought about att*ck on t*tan in so long because that shit still makes me mad as fuck and the ubiquitous popularity finally died Baruch Hashem but I finally actually looked up how it ended and how the fuck is it literally even worse than I would've guessed
#LIKE ALL OF THEM.... HE KILLED EVERYBODY? IN THE WORLD?#back when it was just the first season that was probably the first actual. Major Anime I was actively into at the height#of it's popularity and like it's still crazy how many people were watching it. Like normal ass non weebs tuning in for the titan show#So when it nosedived into nazi germany fanfiction and then I found out how awful the creator is as like a person.#That was maybe my first violent media betrayal like I wanted to kill that man#I still have the fucking key necklace somewhere in my house too if i didn't throw it out in Rage or something 💀#Maybe one day i will actually hatewatch to see in more specific detail exactly how much of a shitshow it is but for now#Good fucking god. He uno reverse carded the genocide.
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hearing about keir starmer doing that speech to undecided voters here in the south east and proudly saying that they should vote labour because he's completely changed the party was such a 😬 moment for me today because that's the exact reason why i'm an undecided this time around
#ge 2024#what makes me incandescently angry is how a left wing party has to drag itself to being a centre-right one#just so it can be 'palatable' to the electorate#like fuck thatcher for making individualism that fucking ingrained in this country that a party caring about people in poverty loses votes#and god forbid they spend money on trying to save the public services that the right brought to their knees thru chronic underfunding#how people can vote for those arsehole tories then sit there complaining that the NHS has gone to shit#you fucking voted for it you idiots!!!#repeatedly!!!#personally idgaf if labour spend money on making things better#raise my taxes to fund it for fuck's sake!!!#i'd take that over a continuation of the shitshow that's been the last 14 years#anyway i'll stop there because i could be here all night
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are we prepared for the eventual influx of american tiktokers bc i’m not
#i am not looking forward to fandom tiktok becoming an invasive species#theyre either going to come here or twitter and i for one dont want them in either#twitters already a shitshow and tumblrs already been through all of the discourse they want to rehash#it wont be so bad here but god twitter is already so insufferable#the new black butler seasons coming out and good grief just being on the outskirts of it is exhausting#ive been here over 10 years i cant be bothered with newbies coming in and trying to establish a new norm#coming out of my cage and ive been doing just fine.txt#tiktok#tiktok ban
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