#but god no i couldn't do that

[explodingstarlight]

your honor, my client pleads “whoopsie daisy”

[egophiliac]

oh, uh, this...this isn't Silver's backstory after all.

[mbohjeezart]

Hermit a Day May: Day 26, Groups and Collabs, ZITS!

And here's their full portrait without the text:

[ministarfruit]

day 4: doomed by the narrative ♡

(femslashfeb prompt list)

[howlsnteeth]

and are you really okay? are you really okay?

[toasteaa]

Suddenly struck with the thought of my faves twirling my hair around their fingers and I'm so deeply unwell about it!!!

Diluc getting distracted by a single free curl and trying to tuck it away, only to find himself even more distracted when the ends curl around the tip of his finger. How ardently he resists the urge to untuck it and give it a little tug, just to see it bounce back into a spiral when he lets it go again.

Kaeya giving a curl that somehow escaped its siblings wrapped up in a bun, a teasing pull and snickering when you swat at his hand lightly. Only to come back when you're focused on your work to continuously wind and unwind the hair around his fingers fondly.

Zhongli marveling at the way the sun catches each looping curl; lining them in what he believes is the finest gold that he's ever seen. Tenacious as stone when holding their shape, yet softer than down spun from clouds in his hands; he relishes in the way each curl he toys with loses it shape for only a moment before bouncing back the same as ever.

Xiao's familiar and signature wary gaze turning into one of shock and curiosity when he gives a ringlet a cautious tug, and it give a soft spring back into its original shape. He's too unsure of himself to do much more, but often finds himself passively toying with a curl or two whenever you're near.

Cyno running oiled fingers throughout your curls, helping you apply a protectant that will keep most of the heat and humidity of the forests at bay. Separating each curl so carefully, like you've taught him before; giving a satisfactory huff when his, "you should really call these 'cutie-cles'" joke makes you sigh, but the quivering of your shoulders and the light sway of your curls tells him that you're holding back your laugh.

Kaveh struck with a sudden stroke of genius and dashing to his drafts after spending the past thirty minutes mindlessly curling your ringlets on his fingers. A month later, you find pillars in his latest work with that same, familiar pattern as the ringlets he always toys with.

Neuvillette enamored with the image of you allowing a curl to coil about your fingers while you think. His hands itch to reach out and curl it himself, but he shows restraint in this public space. Perhaps in the privacy of his own quarters, you'll let him feel those ringlets curling around his fingers again.

Wriothesley, so familiar with the rigidity and gruffness of Meropide, finding a moment of solace when he gets the chance to bury his face in your curls. Always holding you as close as possible when you lay against his chest, just so he can see each coil spring back into place after he's stretched it out. Like a little calming ritual just for him.

Just! Just!!!!!! Play with my hair pleaseeee 🥺💕🙏🏾

[titansarmy]

at some point rick decided that the big bad, the big evil tyrant, was zeus and all of the gods were also victims and powerless to him even though that was never the case in pjo and sadly this mid-hoo/toa caricature-ish characterisation of zeus and the gods stains everything rick comes out with now

[slasherscream]

A/N: shout-out to @abominableghostface, who was my beta reader and co-conspirator as usual.

CRAZY ASS BOYS GANG + WHAT TYPE OF "LEAVING IN THE MORNING" PERSON ARE THEY

❥ we ride at dawn. try and survive ❥

Billy Loomis - The man with the plan. When he says morning he means we are going to be in the car and on the road by the time the sun rays begin to hit the earth. Granted, it's not a hectic morning by any means. He'll have made sure the two of you started packing days in advance. There’s no last minute rushing around. No wondering if you packed a toothbrush, or your favorite jacket. You double checked everything the night before, and then checked behind one another to make sure. But no matter how peaceful the waking, being dragged to your car at 4:30am will make you want to kill him. He passes you your favorite blanket that he threw in the dryer last minute, a cozy protection against the dewy chill of the night turning to morning. When he tells you to sleep until he finds somewhere decent to eat you hate him a little less.

Jordan Li - By nature Jordan is more of a night owl. Through pure necessity they’ve molded themself into something resembling a morning person. Sure, the way they don’t start smiling before 10am shows you it’s not at all a natural state of being, but they do it anyways. 

So used to starting the monotonous, average days bright and early they’re definitely not going to want to start a vacation late. They wake up to the sound of their alarm. They wake you up to soft kisses pressed into your skin. When you open your eyes, scowling at them anyways, they can’t help but laugh, “Yeah I know, I know, fuck off. But we gotta head out before traffic hits.” 

Knowing how you are in the mornings Jordan packed the car last night. When you roll over, intent on ignoring them they roll their eyes and shift, so that he can drag you from bed no matter how hard you try and make yourself dead weight. 

You’re still half asleep, leaned up against him beneath the spray of the shower, but wake up when he flicks water at your face.

“Fuck off.” You grumble. 

“Once we’re on the road I’ll fuck off for at least an hour. Then we’ll grab breakfast, yeah?” He pushes a loofah in your hand and grins once you take it. They shift again, nudging you out the way with her hip so you’re sharing the water instead of hogging it, “Wash my back so we can head out.” 

When they wake you up outside a diner two hours later instead of one you’re feeling much more agreeable, pulling them in for a kiss when they open your car door.

Sebastian Valmont - A chronic riser with the sun. It doesn’t matter what time he goes to sleep, he is going to wake up right as the sun rises. He has black out curtains and takes morning yoga classes. The bastard. His body simply enjoys being awake at six am. Thus, he sees absolutely no reason why leaving for your trip should come hours after that. He’s going to be the one driving anyways. The maids packed all your things, and the butler brought everything out to the car. All that’s left is to get you out of the house. Sebastian helps you put on your clothes, laughs at the way he has to push your arms into your shirt, and drag you to brush your teeth. When he tucks you into the passenger seat he knows you’ll be asleep again by the time he slides into the driver’s seat. He sneaks glances at you for the first few hours of the drive, quietly listening to music and the soft sound of your snoring, enjoying every second.

Stu Macher - Ball of energy that he is, Stu is awake bright and early, and does not need time to “wake up.” He unfortunately acts like this is a universal experience. The fact that he’s excited about the trip makes his typical lack of empathy towards night owls even more brutal than usual. You’re unceremoniously dragged from bed. He tickles you as you brush your teeth. If you seem a little extra groggy that morning he hops in the shower with you and turns it on cold to get your motor running. He acts completely baffled about why you’re still scowling by the time he’s back from his banishment of loading up the car while you try to dress yourself in peace. To make matters worse he wants to talk about anything and everything with you despite the fact that the sky is still that sleepy shade of blue that’s half night, half dawn. You stare at him hatefully from the corner of your eye, grunting answers at him until you pass a diner that’s open and you can get caffeine into your system. His excitement for the trip is cute once you’re awake.

Kevin Khatchadourian - Rises with the sun and is deeply irritated that you don’t. On a regular day he rarely let’s you sleep in. You’ll be lucky if he chooses to start his daily routine without you. On the mornings when he decides to practice archery, which is most, you’ll get an extra hour and a half. By the time he’s coming back inside he wants you both moving around one another, starting the rest of the routine. Brushing teeth, making food, the idle chatter of your voice. Considering he’s not fond of changing your routine, which is exactly what a vacation is, he doesn’t want to hear a single complaint about the hour he wakes you up to start the drive. He also doesn’t let you fall asleep when you get into the car, even though he’s the only one driving. You’re keeping him company no matter how tired you are.

Sparrow!Ben Hargreeves - While he maintains a strict schedule of waking up early unless hungover he is by no means a morning person. He’ll wake you up as gently as he’s capable of if the shrillness of the alarm didn’t do the trick, rocking you by the shoulder until your eyes blink open. The two of you packed the car last night so there wouldn’t be anything to do or communicate with one another upon first waking up. Two non-morning people trying to talk to each other upon first waking up was a recipe for disaster. Especially if it was the pair of you. Quietly you go about your morning. Brushing your teeth side by side, bumping against each other every now and then instead of speaking. Ben grabs the green smoothies that he made for the two of you the night before, something to tide you over until you found a place he was willing to eat at (which was always an unnecessarily complicated task.) It’s thirty minutes of driving and radio playing softly before you’re caught in a bit of traffic and you’re awake enough to be sweet. You lean across the cupholder to kiss his cheek and he gives you a small smile,  “Morning, L/N.” The two of you are experts at sharing your mornings by now.

❥ we leave sometime before noon ❥

Jason Dean/JD - Will never wake you up before he thinks you’ve gotten all the rest you need. His favorite hobby is turning off your morning alarms if he thinks you set them unreasonably early in comparison to when you fell asleep. He’s certainly not going to break that pattern for the start of a vacation, when you should be resting. You’ll wake whenever you naturally wake up, JD still wrapped around you. You’ll shower, drink some coffee, do one last check of the luggage and then he’ll haul everything out to the car for you, no matter how much you both packed. He likes you to not lift a finger during your trips and it starts before you ever leave the house. It certainly puts you into a vacation mindset.

David Mccall - David himself is an early riser but likes to let you sleep in whenever he can. The start of a vacation is certainly one of those times. He spends the hours before you wake taking care of last minute things. He checks all the bags again, makes sure everything you could possibly need is packed, then loads up the car. He makes sure the house is clean so there’s no mess to come back to that you’ll stress yourself out over. Closer to the time he knows you’ll get up he starts making breakfast for you. He’s so focused on the task he jumps when your arms loop around his waist and you start to press grateful sleepy kisses to his back. You’ll be on the road in an hour or two, he’s in no rush. He wants you relaxed and enjoying yourself every step of the way.

Josh Washington - Due to his insomnia he is not falling asleep any earlier than one am most nights. To ask him to get up at dawn would be like killing a puppy. You both sleep in, wake up sometime just before noon. You like to be realistic about your expectations for yourselves, so there’s no rush. A late start was factored into the plans from the beginning. You packed everything into the car the night before, so all there’s left to do is hop in. You wake yourselves up with some music to start. Barely twenty minutes on the road you see a cute diner and stop for late breakfast. You smile at each other as the afternoon sun shines on both your faces, sleepily discussing what you’re most excited about doing when you arrive at your destination.

❥ secret third worse thing ❥

Nathan Prescott - Nathan likes your journeys to begin in the dead of night. Whether it’s heading to the airport or hopping in the car to start a long drive, a 9pm start time is the sweet spot for him. He doesn’t like waking up early to start trips in the morning. Nor does he like being stuck in the claustrophobic traffic of other human bodies or cars during the afternoon. You’ll be dead tired by the time you get wherever you’re going but having a good beginning to vacations is important. Especially for Nathan. When you start at night his anxiety tends to be lower for the whole trip. The things we do for love.

[chiiroptereh]

If I lay here ... would you lie with me and just forget the world?

I was sad one night and wanted to watch something fun and colorful, so I tried Fionna and Cake and really liked it! Adopting Prismo as my surrogate blorbo he is such a pal (everyone's pal, for that matter)

I've been enjoying getting to explore some new fics, which is what this was inspired by (primarily this one), and then it went kinda off-the-rails and got experimental hahaha but that's okay, I was having fun!

[an-internet-introvert]

Phil and Orange 🧡🧡

(Feat. Dan)

[mewtwo24]

I just started reading the svsss volumes (and re-read them again because A LOT IS GOING ON) but like. This shit is so hysterically funny I don't even know where to begin.

Was no one????? Going to tell me that one of the cornerstone jokes in the damn series is that lbh's adoration for his one and only 'tism person who literally cannot express his emotions to save his life is basically genetic?????????

Was no one???? No one AT ALL going to tell me that Mobei-Jun straight up yeets Airplane at the problem in one of the scenes?????? And that in the most hilarious twist of fate Airplane then unyeets Mobei-Jun not twenty minutes later?????

It's one thing to see people joke about sqq and lbh being unable to communicate but it's on a league of its own when you have to read HUNDREDS OF PAGES of sqq's inner monologue be like 'that's my darling boy. my baby. my sugar plum pumpy umpkin you're my sweetie pie' but on the outside he says "get lost binghe" and somehow deems that an effective expression of his affection that lbh will surely understand. 'Why is lbh whining and crying and tugging at my sleeve like a plaintive wife, why is he so angry?' Sqq asks, the entire circus, as lbh is about to fling himself off a cliff for attention--

In short, MXTX is the queer comedian of our generation and nobody appreciates her enough

[introspectivememories]

multiple fears actually

[ghouljams]

Oh no not the viagra cigars

Fr tho increased libido? For out inexperienced witch? Please have mercy on her nooo

He's saving one of the cigars to use on the witch and it is just gonna dumby her to get hit with her own magic. She cannot handle Price and he loves it.

The air is heavy with smoke, you thoughts are swirling with it. Resinous and intoxicating. Tobacco and wild magic.

You drag your tongue up the fat heavy cock in front of you, eyes glassy and unfocused as you try to keep them locked on Price. His big hand cups the back of your hand, keeps you held close and panting against his cock. What is that in the air? You can just smell it under the tobacco, under the cold woodsy scent of the man in front of you.

High John the Conqueror, your brain churns, sluggish from the magic in the air.

Your eyes lid, head tipping to kiss the length of his cock as you grind your dripping cunt against his boot. He tastes like sweat and salt, and magic, like something powerful and unchanging. Your tongue traces every vein, lapping at the pre-cum that drools from the thick head. Your hands press against the wood floor, giving yourself an extra point of balance for your canting hips.

"Such a greedy little whore," Price lets smoke drip down towards you, "Don't look so innocent from here." His words simmer like fire in your stomach. Smoke filling your nose, making you wetter, making his cock harder and hotter against your tongue.

You open your mouth wide, stretching your lips around his cock, feeling his hand guiding you down his length as you suck. His magic swirls through your thoughts like the smoke in the air, clouds them, dampens inhibitions. But not shame, no you think he wants you to feel that. To know fully that you're on your knees, so desperate for him that you're willing to take anything he'll give you. Even if that's a cock down your throat and a boot against your cunt.

"All of it," Price tells you, his hand a steady weight, pushing you down his cock. You whine, swallowing as best you can, laving your tongue against the veins lining the underside of his shaft to try and slick the process. You try to pull back and find yourself trapped by his careful fingers. His fingers are so warm where they touch your scalp. Magic. He's pumping you full of some sort of magic as he eases you down his length.

You look up at him, whine around his cock stretching out your throat. He looks like a God staring down at you, uncaring but attentive, hazy but perfectly focused. He reshapes your throat to fit him, insistent on pushing you down until your nose presses against the coarse hair trailing his stomach.

The warmth from his magic fades, and you gag. Your eyes give wide, clouds around your mind clearing just enough. He was stopping your gag reflex. You try to breathe, try to swallow around the thick cock holding your throat open, try to push down the gag. Price hums, watching your brows furrow as you try to sort yourself out. You don't know how to do this, you don't know why he won't let you off.

"You have to learn witch," he tells you with a smile, tipping his head back to watch the smoke filling the room, hardly paying you any mind, "Such a good girl f'me, playin' like you dont love it."

You shiver, closing your eyes to try and focus on the knot in your stomach, and not on the knowledge that he's right.

[queerprayers]

i want to say first of all that i fully respect a community's/denomination's/culture's right to have closed practices. i am not entitled to other people's traditions, and when i am a guest in a space i understand that everything is not automatically for me. and i know i do not have to understand to respect.

and also! when i go to a catholic church and can't receive communion i want to fall on the floor weeping. what do you mean i can't have him he's right there. sorry my baptism was the wrong kind of baptism. i'm hungry and you want me to become someone else before being fed.

[thankstothe]

[zylphiacrowley]

what if we...