#but he also would have secretly said the walrus would be more surprising

[bigmilkagenda]

many people are posting about "You don't sound Russian" and "He can read?"

which is very fun, but I think it also reveals an important part of both Jon and Gwen's characters:

they each would have voted walrus.

[krappykawa]

fake dating headcanons with atsumu, oikawa, and kuroo

ANON ASKED: “hi i really like your writing 🥺🥺 could i request fake dating with atsumu, oikawa, and kuroo? like they told their teams that they have a girlfriend but they dont lmao so they ask one of their classmates to pretend to be their gf so the team can meet her? and they end up falling for her along the way :)) i look forward to reading more of ur works!! 💖”

atsumu x f!reader, oikawa x f!reader, kuroo x f!reader

genre. fluff

warnings. language

word count. 6.3k

note. DAMN this one got away from me ... 6.3k words for a headcanon post ...... sorry anon i’m not sure if you wanted a long post but i mean, here we are lol 

note 2. had to repost because something was up with the tags lol i hope it works fine this time

ATSUMU.

- the team has a favorite twin and it’s osamu, we all know it

- one day after practice, the team finds out that one of the first-years managed to get a girlfriend

- most of the inarizaki vb team is single at that point in time so it starts a conversation about relationships

- somewhere in the conversation, aran says, “osamu, man. I can’t believe ya haven’t gotten a girlfriend yet. yer easily one of the best-looking people in the school.”

- osamu just shrugs, but atsumu’s like “huh??”

- “hey ‘samu and i have the same face. don’t cha mean that we’re some of the best-looking people in the school??”

- the guys in the locker room exchange glances

- aran‘s like “look, atsumu. don’t blow up on me or anything, but most girls don’t really want to date you.” (keep in mind that aran’s strictly speaking about the girls that aren’t a part of the miya twins fan club)

- “and why the hell not?”

- at this point, aran’s looking at literally everyone in the room and pleading with his eyes for help because he doesn’t want to start a fight with atsumu

- suna takes pity on aran and says, “hate to break it you, miya, but girls don’t want to date a guy who’s a massive asshole”

- now, atsumu could care less if the entire goddamn world thinks he’s an asshole, but it rubs him the wrong way that his teammates think that osamu’s a better catch than he is

- sibling rivalry pride or whatever

- so atsumu goes “i think my girlfriend would disagree because oh will ya look at that, she’s dating me!”

- he was most definitely not dating anyone

- osamu raises an eyebrow at him because to his knowledge, atsumu didn’t have a girlfriend

- “since when did you have a girlfriend?”

- osamu looks at atsumu with knowing eyes and smirks. “yeah sumu, who’s this girlfriend of yours? I don’t think i’ve met her yet.”

- atsumu knows he’s gotten himself in some deep shit

- but still he’s still full of pride, so he says, “i’ll bring her by to practice tomorrow.”

- now miya atsumu has a dilemma because there are some things he just shouldn’t lie about (because now he’ll never live it down if he can’t figure out a way to get himself out of this one)

- atsumu knows that he’s got that fanclub that would probably be more than willing to date him, but the thought of being in their presence for longer than two seconds makes his skin crawl because he doesn’t think he could handle the excessive screaming

- so that night he decides to go to the bakery down the street that he frequents because they have some of the best macarons in town

- you’re one of the bakers at that bakery that works the shift when he usually comes in for his weekly macarons so you two are acquainted

- you also go to inarizaki, so you hear the rumors that circulate around atsumu, but you don’t really pay much attention to them because he’s not that bad whenever he comes into the bakery

- like sometimes if he tries to only order 2 macarons but notices that there are only 5 macarons left, he’ll buy them all just to make your life easier

- when he comes in that day, he has this troubled look on his face. “hey y/n. can i just have my usual? oh and an iced matcha.”

- you like to keep tabs on your regulars and what they order, so when he orders an iced matcha, you know that something’s probably up (he never orders drinks from there because he said that his brother would kill him if he didn’t bring him home a drink too and having to carry the two drinks up to their apartment is hassle enough)

- you’re in the middle of making his drink when you decide to ask him what’s up “everything alright?”

- it’s almost time to close up and you two are the only two left so you figured you had time for small talk

- “i may have outright lied to my team about havin’ a girlfriend.”

- “you don’t?” that surprises you because so many girls at your school have a crush on the miya twins (you would know because your best friend is practically in love with osamu)

- when atsumu shakes his head dejectedly, you don’t quite understand what he’s so down for

- “you do know that there are like 50 girls that are practically lining up to date you right?”

- “yeah, but they’d expect a real relationship and i’m no good at those.”

- “why not?”

- “i’m too argumentative, let's just say, plus i’ve been told that i kinda come off as an asshole.”

- “and volleyball right?” you would know since he always comes into the bakery after a practice and he looks like he’s both dead and alive

- when you hand him his matcha and packet of macarons, he pauses

- “listen, don’t take this the wrong way but yer single right?”

- you almost smile to yourself because wow for a guy so attractive, his way with words isn’t great

- “i am.”

- he stands there for a good 20 seconds just looking at you with that look in his eyes that tells you that he’s trying to ask you something but he doesn’t know how to do it

- “you want me to act as your fake girlfriend don’t you?”

- cue atsumu chuckle @%EUTYDJBCJWER)*&# hhhhfs

- “ya know, i’m kinda seein’ why i get called an asshole all the time. it doesn’t sound as great when ya’ say it like that.”

- you agree to pretend to be his girlfriend, but on the condition that your best friend will be able to tag along if osamu’s gonna be there

- and that’s the start of it

- you visit his practice the next day before work and his team looks at you in surprise because they were 100% sure that having a girlfriend was just another one of atsumu’s lies

- they all kinda stare at you a little extra too because you’re really pretty

- “aye, get yer asses back to volleyball and stop starin’ at my girl like that.”

- you know it’s all fake, but him saying that kinda makes you blush anyways

- when you first agreed to fake dating him, you weren’t expecting that you’d have to spend too much time with him (he did tell you that he wasn’t looking for a real relationship) but that changes because osamu’s insistent that atsumu should at least try to be a good boyfriend and eat lunch with you and stuff

- you’re both aware that osamu doesn’t buy your little arrangement one bit

- atsumu’s got this raging pride when it comes to his twin brother, so he actually listens because now he’s made it his personal mission to convince osamu that you and him are actually dating

- it takes a while for you two to get into the hang of it, but once you do, it’s like a regular routine

- you and your best friend eat lunch with the twins (you and atsumu both watch as your best friend fumbles her way into talking with osamu), you drop by before work to give atsumu a kiss on the cheek before practice, he drops by the bakery after practice nearly everyday, and you come to his games while wearing a jersey that he lent you

- his teammates like you a lot and tease atsumu all the time because they claim that you’re way too good for him

- surprisingly, he always gets a little protective when they say things like that and always slips an arm around your waist

- one day when you’re over at his apartment, you help atsumu learn how to make macarons (with some help from osamu)

- it takes a while because he would get mad at the macarons when they would come out in weird shapes

- “stupid macarons! they got it out for me i’m tellin’ ya! they’re being like that on purpose!”

- LITERALLY A CHILD

- you learn to like that about him though

- dates with him are usually on the weekends (you both drag osamu and your best friend out with you) and it’s always something fun that osamu suggests because atsumu wasn’t joking when he said he sucks at real relationships

- most of these dates consist of holding hands as you walk around the streets until osamu sees a restaurant he wants to try out

- he always insists on feeding you at least once in your meal

- he also loves doing the walrus-chopsticks face?? (he only started doing it because he liked hearing you laugh)

- as time passes, you two start going on dates without osamu and your best friend (atsumu always claims that it’s because he wants to show osamu up, but you start to notice that osamu doesn’t even find out about these dates most of the time)

- you secretly like these dates better than those with osamu and your best friend because atsumu feels more at ease and will develop a softer tone around you during these dates

- eventually, he starts to always greet you with a forehead kiss whenever you’re in public (you’re not sure if he does it just because his brother is watching, or if maybe he might be starting to like you)

- you try to make your brain forget that most of the time, he kisses your forehead before osamu even walks in

- one day after practice, you’re waiting for him because you didn’t have a shift at the bakery that day

- he walks out of the club room looking mildly pissed and you’re a little wary

- but then he gets to where you’re standing and just pulls your waist towards him and full on kisses you

- mind you, this is your first kiss on the lips with him

- it’s not a quick peck either, like you can hear the wolf whistles from his teammates in the back and you’re left breathing hard and flushed pink afterwards

- damn if that’s what his kisses are like, you suddenly wish he’d do it more often

- “what was that for?”

- “nothin’”

- sometime in the future you find out that he did that because his teammates were once again talking about your relationship and one of them joked that atsumu paid you to pretend to be his girlfriend

- he knew that what you had wasn’t necessarily real, but he just had the urge to kiss you then (he swears to you that he doesn’t know why)

- he does know why. it was because it was starting to slip his mind that your relationship was fake and the reminder made him a little mad at himself

- he realizes that maybe he’s fallen in love with you when osamu brings it up

- atsumu had asked for osamu’s help because he wanted to surprise you by making you mochis for your upcoming four month anniversary of being his fake girlfriend (typing this out was so funny, this man is so whipped he doesn’t know it)

- “ya know, when i first met y/n, i was sure that it was all fake and that you’d slip up about it one day. i guess i was wrong.”

- atsumu doesn’t say anything to that because in his head he’s trying to convince himself that “no. this is all still fake.” but it’s hard to convince himself of that when his hands are covered in the rice flower that he’s using to make your favorite dessert for your four months of faking being together

- he tries not to think about what osamu said when he gives you the gifts later that night

- he tries not to think about it when he gets that funny feeling that he’s been feeling for a while now when he sees the way you light up upon opening the box of mochis

- he most definitely tries not to think about it when you accidentally give him your second kiss of the relationship because you were caught up in the spur of the moment

- it’s on the way home back to his apartment that night that he realizes he’s fucked

- because good god he’s fallen for you

- he tries to break it off after that

- you’re confused at how sudden it is, but you let him break it off because at that point you’re already in love with him and are still too scared to say it because you keep remembering how he always said that he didn’t want a real relationship

- IDIOTS IN LOVE YOU'RE BOTH SO .

- he tries to go back to normal after that

- but for the love of everything he just . can’t

- his eyes always linger a little too long on the door right before practice because you would always come see him before going to work

- his feet would instinctively move in the direction of the bakery after practices until he realizes what he’s doing and forces himself to go home

- his eyes would scan for your figure wearing his jersey during games until he remembers that you probably weren’t there and that you most definitely wouldn’t be wearing his jersey

- he wants to kick himself because the reason he asked you to be his fake girlfriend in the first place was because he didn’t want a real relationship

- yet here he was. wallowing because if there’s anything more he wants, it’s a real relationship with you

- osamu gets fed up with him eventually

- “take yer ass to the bakery right after practice. i’m not letting you into the apartment until you see her.”

- and surprisingly, he actually listens to his twin brother

- he walks into the bakery for the first time in a while and says “hey y/n. can i just have my usual? oh and an iced matcha.”

- you look up at him then because you vividly remember that night. how could you not?

- you’re in the middle of making his drink when you decide to ask him what’s up “everything alright?”

- “i may have outright lied to myself about loving you.”

- you nearly drop the drink in your hands

- “‘tsumu? what are you on about?”

- “i know i said that i’m no good at real relationships. but i’ve found that i want to learn to be good.”

- a pause

- “i want to learn with ya.”

OIKAWA.

- this poor boy is always the butt of the jokes that come from his team

- seriously though. it’s always “tease oikawa day” (he teases them back so it’s all good)

- but one day, they’re all in the locker room when hanamaki brings up this girl that he’s planning on asking out because he’s not sure how to do it

- oikawa, being the little shit that he is, goes “step one, makki. have my face. step two, have my amazing personality. step three, ask her out.”

- he barely ducks in time to miss the shoe that comes flying towards his head

- “makki! such unbecoming behavior! my advice is perfect!”

- matsukawa snorts and says “perfect advice my ass. you can’t even get anyone to like you. let alone go out with you, crappykawa.”

- “don’t spread lies, mattsun.” oikawa clicks his tongue like a mother scolding his child. “or do you seem to forget the dozens of confessions i get on the daily along with the girls that you three complain about all the time because ugh shittykawa’s gonna make us late if he keeps talking to them” (he’s so dramatic lol he says that last part in this weird, whiny voice)

- iwaizumi scoffs. “doesn’t count when you reject every single one.”

- “i do not!”

- “right. right. as if you don’t make them cry because you’re so nice about rejecting them too.” (oikawa frowns at that one because he doesn’t mean to make them cry)

- “yeah, shittykawa, you’re pretty bad at love in general. i’d die before listening to your advice.” (this one is from matsukawa)

- “there’s also the fact that the girlfriend’s you did have all broke up with you because you would rather cuddle with a volleyball than cuddle with them.” (this one is from hanamaki)

- oikawa scowls at them “i don’t cuddle my volleyball.”

- “sure you don’t. just like you most definitely don’t have a name for it either.”

- “leave iwa-chan the second out of this!” (he drew an angry face on his volleyball too because he claims it looks like iwaizumi)

- iwaizumi groans. “i hate you. so so much.”

- at this point, oikawa knows they’re right, but he’s also really prideful. “and besides. i would suggest taking my advice because i got a girlfriend just today!”

- he most definitely did not

- “sure you did. hey mattsun, i bet a week tops until she breaks up with him.”

- “nah i’ll bet five days.”

- after practice, oikawa came up with a plan for the next day to get himself out of the hole he dug for himself

- he usually got confessions before school, so he told iwaizumi that he was going to school early to practice and instead waited for a girl to confess to him

- but the moment he saw this second-year walk up to him with a little box, he knew he wouldn’t be able to do it

- he couldn’t do that to this innocent girl

- and he tries to say yes to her. he really does.

- but he can practically hear his older sister’s voice yelling at him about how “even when you get popular and get confessions from people left and right, i don’t want you leading anyone on. you only accept a confession if you actually like them.”

- he’s probably more scared of his sister than he is of his own mother, so he says no to that second-year, even when she starts to frown and walk away

- he’s leaning against the gym and rubbing the bridge of his nose when he hears you

- “everything alright?”

- you two were pretty close because he found out that you had a crush on iwaizumi in your second year and tried to set you two up (it didn’t work because he’s pretty bad at being a wingman)

- even when iwaizumi rejected you, oikawa had already grown to like your presence, so you two stayed friends despite how his best friend broke your heart

- “y/n-chan! what are you doing here so early?”

- “just returning a book to the library before the librarian knocks down my door and kicks my ass for having an overdue library book. what are you doing here so early?”

- “would you believe me if i said that i was practicing volleyball?”

- you look him up and down, and the smell of fresh cologne reaches your nostrils. his uniform is neatly put together.

- “looking like that? no, no i would not.”

- “well, what would you believe?”

- “i don’t know .. the truth maybe?”

- “the truth is embarrassing and is defamation to my good name.” that makes you raise your brow at him.

- “okay now i only want to hear the truth. i will not accept anything but the truth. now tell me, what kind of embarrassment have you proved yourself to be this morning?”

- “so mean, y/n-chan! now i see why you so very adored our precious iwa-chan.”

- you groan because you don’t want to remember that rejection. “oh just hurry up and embarrass yourself instead of embarrassing me.”

- “but it’s quite embarrassing.”

- “come on, spit it out.”

- “i may or may not have told iwa-chan, makki, and mattsun that i have a girlfriend when i don’t have one.”

- you look at him like he’s the dumbest person you’ve ever met, because at that moment, you really believed that he was. “couldn’t you just … i don’t know … accept one of your many, many confessions?”

- oikawa tells you about his fear of his sister and the second-year that just confessed to him

- you find yourself admiring his sister because she’s probably the one person on this planet that can humble oikawa tooru (the next person to be able to do so will be you, but you don’t know that yet)

- after hearing his explanation you get an idea. “can’t you ask someone to fake being in a relationship with you? you know, so you don’t get the angry sister devil/angel thing on your shoulder?” (LOL if you don’t get what the angel/devil thing that i’m talking about is, it’s like when you have an imaginary angel and a devil that sits on your shoulders and criticizes every choice you make)

- “are you offering, y/n?” he has that shit-eating grin on his face again, so you know he’s mostly joking

- “hmm, i don’t know. i think you’ll have to formally ask me to be your fake girlfriend. it’s only polite after all.”

- oikawa blinks for a second because he didn’t actually think you were serious. “what?”

- “are you going to ask me to be your fake girlfriend or not? maybe throw in a flower and i’ll say yes.”

- oh. oh.

- well, he wasn’t going to let what might be his only opportunity to get someone to fake date him pass by

- he looks around and sees a small flower on the ground and picks it

- he takes both your hands and puts the flower in one of them before saying, “y/n-chan will you, take me, oikawa tooru, as your loving pretend boyfriend, and save me from irrevocable embarrassment?”

- you laugh in his face because he’s trying so hard not to laugh through his “proposal.”

- “minus points for not getting on one knee but i guess i do.”

- you mainly did it because you may have already gotten rejected by iwaizumi, but you did like the possibility of being friends with him, and fake dating oikawa would probably let you do that

- you also kind of felt bad for oikawa, knowing that he wasn’t exaggerating how embarrassing it would be if his teammates found out he was lying

- when you and oikawa walk up to the seijoh third-years while holding hands, makki and mattsun are jostling each other while iwaizumi looks mildly surprised

- “see matsun! pay up!”

- oikawa and you both look in surprise as mattsun reluctantly shoves a few bills into makki’s awaiting hand

- oikawa’s looking between them both. “what bet did you use me for this time?”

- “i bet mattsun that you and y/n secretly liked each other.”

- blink blink

- iwaizumi sees the mildly awkward situation brewing so he says, “anyways, y/n if you ever get tired of this dumbass, you’re more than welcome into our group. we’ll just kick oikawa out.”

- after that, you and oikawa fall into a dating routine easily (you have a pretty busy schedule too so both you and oikawa understand each other schedules well)

- usually this is where oikawa’s relationships fail. he spends so much time with volleyball and the team that he doesn’t really spend time with his significant others

- it’s different with you though. maybe it’s the fact that the stakes aren’t so high because it’s only a fake relationship after all, or maybe it’s because unlike his past significant others, you don’t mind spending most of your time and “dates” with the other seijoh third-years, or maybe it’s because he remembers that locker room conversation and he wants to prove to makki, mattsun, and iwaizumi that he can be a good boyfriend (even if it’s a good fake boyfriend)

- dates with oikawa are usually laid-back because he’s tired from practice (so like walks in the park, getting ice cream, or study dates where you don’t get much done because you spend most of it just laughing and cooking in his kitchen)

- you find that he’s secretly a decent cook (the only thing keeping from saying that he’s a good cook is because he can’t cut vegetables for his life, and he also managed to accidently burn the onions you were trying to caramelize).

- neither of you acknowledge the fact that since nobody’s there to see those dates, you two technically don’t have to go on them since it’s only a fake relationship

- oh and takeru LOVES you

- seriously. he thinks you’re probably the coolest person ever (he tells you one day that he thinks you’re even cooler than oikawa and oikawa is a pouting mess the rest of your day. you can only pull him out of his slump when you jump on his back and force him to run to the bakery and buy milk bread)

- sometimes you’ll come with oikawa when he needs to watch takeru

- as takeru teaches you how to receive a volleyball, oikawa will watch you two with a little smile on his face (this loser is so whipped like man people passing by reminisce on how they were young and in love once because oikawa looks at you like that. oikawa doesn’t notice that he’s doing it though.)

- you sometimes spend time at his house with iwaizumi or on select days just by yourself (mostly for study dates or for watching weird sci-fi movies that oikawa seems to love)

- since you’re at his house so often, oikawa’s mother takes a liking to you because “you finally got her boy to care about something that isn’t volleyball.”

- it’s when oikawa groans a “moooom” in response that you start to feel those pesky butterflies

- oikawa will run up to you after games and just hold you tightly (he tells himself that it’s because his fan club and the team are watching, but really it’s because he can’t thank you enough for being there because he just plays better when you’re watching)

- my god, dUDE . he has no idea that he loves you like . MAN .

- mattsun, makki, and iwaizumi always tease oikawa about how you’re so much cooler than him

- oikawa whines to you and says, “y/n-channn they’re being mean again!”

- “what do you want me to do about it?”

- oikawa pouts like the baby he is and says, “kiss,” while pointing to his cheek. you give in and a round of groans comes from mattsun and makki. oikawa looks so smug and those pesky stomach feelings come back. iwaizumi is smiling to himself.

- speaking of iwaizumi

- you two become best friends after he finds you looking dejected as you wait for oikawa to get out of practice. you confided with him about how your relationship was all pretend. you might have also told him that you may be teensy bit in love with his captain

- iwaizumi tells you that, “there are some things you just ... can’t fake. the way that shithead looks at you is one of them. trust me.”

- he also tells you that his suspicion that you and oikawa had this weird spark was what kept him from ever reciprocating your feelings and why he rejected you (oikawa literally tried being your wingman before by texting iwaizumi things like “did you see how pretty y/n was today? don’t you think she was pretty?” and “iwa-chan! y/n is so funny and that’s coming from me, so she really is funny! i think maybe you should talk to her to see what i’m talking about (≧◡≦)”)

- at this point everyone knows that you’re in love with oikawa for real (except for oikawa himself)

- everyone also knows that oikawa’s fallen for you (except for oikawa himself, and you because you refuse to believe it)

- the moment he realizes he’s in love with you is on another one of those dates that you both know you don’t have to have but still choose to have anyway

- you’re making milk bread and he’s helping to measure the ingredients when he turns around to see you covered in flour and he just kinda stops

- and he realizes

- like yeah he’s been getting that small tugging feeling with you a lot over these past few months

- but now he finally realizes it’s because he’s in love with you

- he’s staring for a long time and for a second you think he’s going to make fun of your flour-coated self, but he’s staring at you with that look and you’re confused

- “everything okay? is there something wrong? did you mess up the measurements?”

- then an idea hits him

- “something’s wrong. it’s kind of embarassing though.”

- “what is it?”

- “no but it’s really embarrassing.”

- “what .. what is it?”

- cue cheeky little grin. “i think i might’ve fallen in love with my fake girlfriend. i don’t have another flower to ask her out though. i hope she doesn’t say no.”

- you kiss him for the first time then and take pride in the fact that you get him covered in flour in the process

KUROO.

- it happened the second day that you were at the tokyo training camp

- kuroo was with bokuto and a few of the karasuno first-years when bokuto started telling the first-years that kuroo had a girlfriend because he saw kuroo helping you carry your bags the day before (listen . this man is like . clueless when it comes to emotions sometimes i’msosorry)

- kuroo got this confused look on his face because he thought he would remember getting a girlfriend. “i do?”

- “don’t you? remember the girl you were holding hands with yesterday?”

- this was all some big misunderstanding

- so basically what happened was this: you’re shinzen’s team manager and you were tasked with carrying bags of equipment to the training center. kuroo was waiting for kenma to finish talking with lev (more like trying to avoid though lmao) and noticed that you were struggling so he came over to help

- kuroo figured that bokuto must’ve seen him holding the bags for you and assumed that something must’ve been going on (or maybe he looked over for the split second when kuroo held your hand in order to transfer the bags to his hand)

- he was about to clear things up when lo and behold, you walked into the gym

- “kuroo look! it’s your girlfriend! hey, come join us!”

- bless bokuto’s soul. bless that poor, oblivious soul.

- you walked up to them and looked at kuroo like “what??”

- you remembered him from the day before, but you didn’t remember ever agreeing to being his girlfriend of any sort

- he smiled apologetically at you and asked to talk to you on the side

- “what’s going on? why did he call me your .. girlfriend?”

- “look i’m sorry, bo’s a little … i don’t know. he saw me carrying your bags yesterday and assumed. i’ll clear things up, don’t worry.”

- when you two headed back to where bokuto is standing, it was obvious that kuroo’s smooth-sailing explanation wasn’t happening anytime soon

- because lev was there, and so was yaku

- “KUROO-SENPAI? THIS IS YOUR GIRLFRIEND? SHE’S VERY PRETTY SENPAI!” (bless lev’s soul too. another part of the extremely oblivious club.)

- yaku took no hesitation in teasing kuroo. “since when does kuroo ever get any girl to like him? this is new. no offense, of course.”

- kuroo tried clearing up the air by saying, “guys- listen this has all been som-“

- hinata doesn’t let him finish either lmao “YOU’RE THE TEAM MANAGER FOR SHINZEN!” (extremely oblivious club member number 3 here)

- “a team manager, kuroo? what’d you do to get her to say yes? is she a chemistry nerd too?”

- “bo-“

- they kinda just went like that back and forth, and kuroo kept getting interrupted

- you were just laughing to the side because it was kind of funny

- you also kinda felt bad for kuroo because damn his friends had like no faith in his romantic skills at all??

- maybe that was what made you say it, but after his friends were done teasing him you said, “he’s kind of a catch though, don’t you think? nerdy and funny is a girl’s dream isn’t that what they say?”

- kuroo blinked at you because what??

- once kuroo got you alone by asking you to take a walk outside of the gym, he asked, “so … what does this make us?” (surprise, surprise, he never got the chance to tell them about the misunderstanding)

- you just shrugged because really how bad could this be? “i felt bad at how much they were teasing you, so we could keep up the fake boyfriend/girlfriend thing for the week. it shouldn’t be too bad. plus it’ll save you the embarrassment of having to tell your friends that you didn’t actually get a girlfriend.”

- you guys did pretty good for the week of the training camp

- you’d cheer him on in secret if he got a spike or a block during a practice game while simultaneously still watching shinzen’s game

- you two walked around the halls when bokuto was watching just to keep up pretenses

- you learned that he’s a major nerd during these walks, which you found really endearing

- on the last day of camp, he tried to throw pieces of broccoli in your mouth (he didn’t stop until he finally got it in after his 9th try)

- you guys initially planned to “break up” after the camp was over

- but here comes bokuto again

- “hey y/n! kuroo, akaashi, and i were gonna go out for karaoke tomorrow if you wanna join.”

- you grew to like bokuto too so you said you’d come

- it was actually a really fun night

- you and kuroo sang a duet together

- he also stole some of your ramen

- you took a video of bokuto as he serenaded akaashi

- when you guys are leaving to go home, bokuto goes “you two are so cute. y/n do me a favor and don’t break up with kuroo until after the qualifiers would you? i wanna play him at his full game.” (again. seriously, he basically is the greatest accidental wingman ever)

- “we can’t break his heart, can we?”

- “no, we can’t.”

- and so your fake relationship starts

- you don’t get to visit each other often because you don’t live in the same vicinity, but you guys text often (it’s a friend thing, you both swear to yourselves)

- on weekends when kuroo’s not spending time with kenma, he’ll ask you to meet him at a park or a cafe (you two always send selfies to bokuto during every date)

- dates with him are always really fun because he’s spontaneous and also very active so sometimes he’ll take you by the hand and just drag you places

- he is not afraid to smear different colors of ice cream on your nose and call you some obscure name from some really old movie that he may have watched that week

- he also makes you push him on the swings

- the little kids get mad because what is this rooster man doing taking up a swing when he’s so old

- you laugh at him when the kids eventually come up to him and ask if they can use the swing

- dates will usually last the whole day because you’re both fine with just walking around and randomly finding stuff to do

- with all that time spent talking, you two also get to know each other really well

- like basically your life stories

- it took him a while to open up and at first he insists that you tell your story first, but after a while you notice how he starts letting little things about his life slip here and there until he starts telling you bigger portions

- you also get really close with kenma

- not close close the way him and kuroo are, but kenma would probably see you as his second closest friend

- that’s why sometimes kenma tags along with you guys (it doesn’t feel like third wheeling or anything because both you and kuroo enjoy kenma’s presence as much as each other’s)

- eventually, once you two got the hang of it, you’re like the couple that everyone likes

- because you’re both pretty funny and overall just have nice vibes

- his team starts to call you mom and dad as a joke because sometimes when shinzen doesn’t have practice, you’ll stop by at nekoma at the end of practice just to say hi

- they’re not wrong about the mom and dad thing though (it’s a really cute dynamic though i swear)

- your team used to not like him at first because they were protective of you, but eventually they reluctantly warmed up to him

- they threatened to demolish him if he hurt you though

- LMAO ANYWAYS .. MOVING ON

- you guys have lots of study dates too!!

- since you’re both busy because of volleyball related things, a lot of your schedule lines up with each other (this also means that kuroo knows when you haven’t had time to study)

- you’ll be sitting on his bed on your stomach with your legs draped across his thighs as you read your textbook and he’ll be sitting against his bed frame reading one of his assigned readings (i also like to think that kuroo has glasses for these readings that only you and kenma have seen)

- sometimes, when you finish studying before he finishes, you’ll come up behind him and just start to play with his hair

- his hair is actually really soft despite looking like a bird built its nest in it

- you also have two of his jackets that are just lying around your house

- he likes when you wear them because he thinks you look so cute (he doesn’t tell you that though)

- after a while, it’s like both of you have forgotten that this was all a ruse just so bokuto wouldn’t get heartbroken after you two break up

- at this point, kuroo has learned all your quirks, habits, and has also memorized your schedule

- like … he doesn’t realize that he’s fallen for you until someone points it out

- he realizes he’s fallen for you on the day that shinzen loses in the tournament (this would be your last match)

- now nekoma just played a game, but kuroo’s first instinct is to check whether or not shinzen won (he’s been doing this for every game in the tournament)

- when he sees that you lost, he knows that you’ll be sad and in need of a pick me up

- as kenma and him are packing up, he says, “shinzen lost today. i probably can’t make it to your house tonight. y/n will probably want to go out with her team for a bit, but she’ll probably crash at my place. do you think i should make her a strawberry cake? or maybe she’ll want onigiri? no, she’ll probably want the cake. she always gets the little smile with her one dimple whenever she eats my strawberry cake. makes me proud.”

- kenma’s just looking at kuroo with arched eyebrows because HIS BEST FRIEND IS WHIPPED

- kuroo doesn’t get why kenma’s looking at him like that because he thinks about things like that all the time. “what??”

- oh kenma knows your relationship is fake

- so he just looks at kuroo and says, “try to refrain getting down on one knee today. i doubt you have a ring, and i’ll bet that y/n will want a confession of you being hopelessly, madly in love with her before you propose by the way.”

- kuroo kind of freezes and blinks at him.

- “wh … what?”

- “kuro, do i really need to spell out for you that you’re totally smitten with her? you have been for a while now.”

- “have not.”

- “yes, you have.”

- “have not.”

- “yes, you have.”

- “have not.”

- “yes, you have.”

- at this point, kuroo knows that kenma’s onto something, but kuroo doesn’t wanna jump to conclusions until he sees you again

- when you knock on his door and run straight into his arms that night, he knows kenma’s right

- like you’re balling into his chest and he gets that feeling that he wants to hold you forever and never let go

- and he knows. he knows.

- after you start to calm down, he offers you the cake that he made just for you

- he swears that he feels ten times lighter after he sees that exact smile with the exact dimple on your face

- now kuroo may be loud, and rambunctious at times, but when he loves, it’s quiet, simple, but not any less there

- as you finish eating the cake, kuroo notices that there’s a few pink crumbs on your lips

- and he kisses you

- like a “slow, hand on the cheek, nose touching after he pulls away” kind of kiss

- “i made a realization today. kenma told me to hold back on proposing, so i’ll go with confessing instead.”

- you’re looking up at him with your heart beating hard in your chest

- “i think you might’ve made me fall in love with you.”

sorry if there are any mistakes lmao i tried catching all of them but ... 6k words ...... yanno. .....

[parf-fan]

Ask and ye shall fucking receive, bitches!!!

Oh yeah, that’s right, the cast lists have been posted!  Moreover, posted IN FULL!  Actors, character names, character professions, and chARACTER DESCRIPTIONS HOLY SHIT!!!!1!!

Once again, I have done my best to sort the Bacchanalians by track.  It was much more challenging than last year (and took a good deal longer), where I only mixed up two.  The music track is easy, of course, but combat and improv are another matter.  In the end, I simply could not decide for a fair number, and these are listed in a separate section.

A small note, I had to copyedit the FUCK out of these descriptions.  Man, I dunno, I think their apostrophe key was maybe busted? and there were loads of misspellings, a few missing spaces, and occasionally just the wrong word entirely.  If anyone with any sort of influence on the Faire’s website happens to see this, PLEASE go back and fix these errors.

As always, check the Faire’s website for headshots.  And also for the scenario, I guess, because I just realized I never got around to making a post about that.

Leads

Mary Huff :  Queen Elizabeth I – Queen of England

Young and full of hope for the future of her country, Queen Elizabeth I is eager to take part in the day’s festivities and to learn more about the people she is meant to rule. Though she is youthful in appearance, she should not be underestimated. Queen Elizabeth I is intelligent, quick-witted and does not suffer fools lightly.

Joshua Kachnycz :  Robert Dudley – Master of Horse

Wealthy and benevolent, this Englishman seeks to ensure everything is perfect for the Queen’s coronation day. Though he is a strong, independently wealthy, and capable man, he is not afraid to listen to and heed a woman’s opinion, which quickly makes him one of Queen Elizabeth I most trusted advisors and friends.  [Listen I am so glad this man is returning, he is such a joy to watch act.]  [Zis is pleasink to me!]

Alex Stompoly :  Henry Carry – Nobleman

Cousin to Elizabeth I, Henry Carey has a claim to the English throne and is not likely to let you forget it. While he ultimately wants what is best for the country, he doesn't always have the hearts of the ordinary citizens he represents at the forefront of his political strategy. It may take him a while to believe that such a young Queen can be a strong leader.  [OH FUCK YEAH ALEX IS THE VILLAIN THIS IS EVERYTHING I’VE EVER WANTED]

Combat

Sunny Vinsavich :  Bev Tanningrove – Tanningrove Family Muscle

When carousing with friends, she is playful and carefree; but this cousin to Jack Tanningrove is quick to anger if she suspects you of disrespecting the Tanningrove name. Bold and hot-blooded, it doesn't take much to convince her to enter into a brawl to defend her house.

Emily Wirthwein :  Sylvia Forel – Sword Mistress

As lethal as she is lovely, this German Master Swordswoman is renowned throughout Europe. If you are lucky enough to have her in your employ, you can expect her complete loyalty and services as a sellsword – as long as you aren't outbid by a wealthier party.  [Oh good, the German mercenaries are back.]

Mel Angelo :  Mary McBride – Dance Mistress of the Shire

Best friend to Rose Hopfield, this dancing mistress makes a loyal, dependable, and energetic companion. Shire folk beware: don't call her a coward or insult the Hopfields, else you might find yourself face to face with the pointy end of her sword.

Ilana Lo :  Fan Liu – Pirate

Running away from home at the age of thirteen, Fan Liu spent her formative years as a member of pirate crews in many different countries. Because of these varied experiences and her own innate charm, Fan Liu is a brilliant negotiator, easily able to talk people into doing just about anything she asks. And if they make the mistake of not doing as she asks, they will soon face her steel.

Leigh Loureiro :  Bonnie Buchanna – Pirate

A formidable opponent who can fight, curse, and drink just as well if not better than her male counterparts. Nicknamed ‘Bloody Bonnie’ for her reputation of leaving no survivors, many would be surprised to learn that she secretly has a soft spot for soft and cuddly critters. But,please, don't tell her we told you!

Amanda Darrigo :  Mistress Quickley – Tavern Keeper

Thrilled at finally fulfilling her dream of opening her own tavern, this little lady isn’t shy about inviting people in or delegating responsibilities to her subordinates. In fact, she loves being a boss so much she might try to hire you to manage the day-to-day operations so she can focus on big-picture items: like how to spend her hard earned ducats.

Sean Besecker :  Captain James Thatch – Captain of The Queen's Vengeance

Thatch grew up on pirate ships watching and learning from the best sea-robbers in the business, so it is no surprise that he is one of the most ruthless and cutthroat pirates to sail the seven seas. While polite society would consider him uncivilized, he does live his life adhering closely to a very important set of rules: the Piratical Code.  [pyrate ship count: 1]

Matthew Glen Clark :  Bartholomew Wainwright – Yeoman

Dark and brooding, the mysterious Bartholomew Wainwright is often mistaken as cynical when a better term for him would be logical. He makes decisions using his brain and not his heard – the same cannot be said for some of his fellow Yeoman.

Austin James :  Edward Mawson – First Mate

With knowledge of the civilized world, Edward Mawson, sometimes referred to as Maw, is the perfect First Mate to his unruly Captain. He is easily able to represent the Captain at important affairs and likes to mingle with the upper crust of society. In fact, he likes it so much that he dreams of bettering his own position so that he might one day join them.

Music

The Sirens

Sarah Bartley :  Captain Sheena Daley O'Connell – Captain of The Unyeilding Tempest

The Leader. She is bold, brave, fearless and knows the world of piracy like the back of her well-worn hands. Sheena actively attempts to keep the peace in ORC but enjoys looting and pillaging as much as her fellow captains. Her deeds are heroic, but often tall in nature! Ask her to tell you all about when she saved her entire crew with a single plank of wood. She will regale you.  [pyrate ship count: 2]

Leigh Anne Hamlin :  Captain Scarlett Seymour – Captain of The Shadow of Prophecy

The Joker. She is laid back, extremely confident but relentlessly lazy. Scarlett always cracks jokes and makes light of difficult situations. She has been a pirate all her life and she is damn good at it! She is fond of long naps, drinking and gambling. Whats her secret? Good luck and tons of it!  [Four things.  First, pyrate ship count: 3.  Second, presuming she named he ship herself, I guarantee that this character is queer, because that’s the most Extra ship name ever, and only us queer folk are that overdramatic.  Three, prophesy? seymour? see-more? r u kidding me?  Four: if you go look at her headshot, this actor bears an uncanny resemblance to Vanessa Sterling.]

Megan Jones :  Captain Ruth "The Blade" Gibson – Captain of The Jolly Walrus

The Wild Card. She is tough, blunt, and has a wee bit of a rage problem. Although she loves piracy and has the scars to prove it, she melts at the sight of children and cuddly animals, who have the ability to soften her strong demeanor. Do not dare question her about the name of her ship! Shes sensitive about it.  [Oh hell yeah, Megan Jones is a pyrate! I am very pleased about this.  Also, pyrate ship count: 4.]

Sarah Williams :  Captain Elanor Keetly – Captain of The Malevolence

The newly appointed Captain of The Malevolence. The innocent. She has inherited her newfound position of Captain after all the members of her crew mysteriously perished in a tragic maritime accident. She has a thirst for knowledge and craves to be the very best in her new career! Elanor is extremely enthusiastic, but a bit frightened of the weight of her new position. She has a malicious alter ego named Cookie.  [Well, that certainly took at turn at the last line!  Pyrate ship count: 5, and whomever named this vessel was definitely queer, too.]

The Irish Revels

Autumn Sheffy :  Siobhán O'Sullivan – Royal Music Tutor

Having left the rest of her family behind to seek her fortune, this maestro has ascended to the ranks of the English court! Surely she wouldn't lord this success over the rest of her siblings...

Jordan Bell :  Gilda O'Sullivan – Musician

Gilda is an optimistic and charismatic leader. She hasn't the time for negativity or ill will amongst her siblings, so she simply pushes through it with a bright smile. She is a perfectionist and an overachiever. She adores music and her siblings, despite their failings, and will do anything to make sure the festival day goes off without a hitch. She has the color-coded scrolls to prove it! because what are we, animals?

Morgan Harwood :  Alannah O'Sullivan – Musician

Alannah is kind, carefree, and a bit odd. She is the youngest of the quintuplets and the most connected to the universe. She has the ability to see magic creatures and is often overtaken by her imagination. Her magic touch can calm her siblings when the time arises. The music she performs grounds her back in reality. She doesn’t walk, she floats.  [Whelp, this character obviously has a connection to the fae, so she’s definitely Autistic.]

Jared Haverdink :  Keagan O'Sullivan – Musician

Keagan is a realist, has an excellent sense of humor, and is endlessly sarcastic. He has a bit of the ol’ Irish temper that is easily set off by small things. The most talented musically of the O’Sullivan siblings, he was always very skilled, but has recently improved dramatically, almost overnight. His siblings are suspicious he has made a deal with a sea witch for his newfound shredding skills.  [I’m so glad that last sentence exists.]

Joey Mudd :  Deklyn O'Sullivan – Musician

Deklyn, like his sister Gilda, is a very friendly and charismatic young musician. He is full of life, energy, joy and is extremely earnest. However, he does tend to worry, and his imagination takes hold, extrapolating the smallest misstep that could lead to the doom of his family. Frequently stares into the middle distance, right between the crucial and the trivial, between existential dread and I’ll take the dressing on the side.  [The Millennial™]

The Rakish Rogues

Christopher Burch :  Sterling Armstrong – Highwayman, Leader of Group

The leader of this merry band of misfits. He is bold, ambitious, but a tad arrogant. Sterling fancies himself as a ladies’ man, but when approached by a woman, he can’t always follow through. His leadership style is that of blind intuition. His British dialect is very put-on and manly, but he often slips into Cockney, his real voice, when angered. Sterling doesn't walk, he glides. Is that his real name or did he make it up?  [FUCK YEAH THEY DID THE THING THEY PUT HIM ON THE MUSIC TRACK YESSSSSS!]

Chase Brackett :  Tucker Abbot – Highwayman, Sterling's Protégé

A former homeless orphan who was adopted by Sterling Armstrong as his younger brother and protégé . He absolutely worships the ground his brother walks on. Tucker is very bright, optimistic, and somewhat naïve. He is completely unaware when he says filthy and inappropriate things. Sterling said it so it must be fine! He loves the life of crime, but mostly he just wants to find a beautiful lady and sing songs to her pretty face forever.  [This character description has newsie energy.]

Pete Hedberg :  Jeremiah Slight – Highwayman, Sterling's Right-Hand Man

He is the muscle of the group, but secretly the brains. Jeremiah is the only person keeping this group afloat, but he would rather stick to the shadows than be in the limelight. He is excellent at thievery and a master of disguise. If you get close enough to find out how many accents he can do, you may not live to tell the tale!  [*laughs in a decade of faire accents*]  [also slight is the right hand man? slight of hand? fuck you.]

Ian Agnew :  William "Bill" Crimson – Highwayman, former Benadictine Monk

A former Benedictine monk who was living a pious life in an abbey. He one day was hit in the head with a bible, decided to leave the cloth and turn to a more exciting life of crime. He adores his new lifestyle and lives it with absolutely no restraint or regret. Bill has a newfound love of drinking, women, and gambling. He may have a few loose screws, but he’s never been happier.  [So there’s a good bit to unpack there.  Kind of like a reverse Cadfael.]

Improv

Sheila Barton :  Lady Delores Anne Penburthy – Lady Mayor of Mount Hope

Effervescent and vivacious, the Lady Mayor is sure to give Queen Elizabeth I the warm and generous welcome deserving a ruler of England. Having earned the love of the townspeople, the Lady Mayor could teach the young Queen a thing or two about earning the trust and loyalty of her people.

Adam Shepley :  William Cecil – Advisor to the Queen

Her Majesty’s most stalwart advisor, and head of her privy council. Usually the smartest man in the room, and well aware of it, Cecil knows Elizabeth will be a good queen. Honestly after her sister Mary, things can only go up.

Joe Penn :  Jacob Perry – Sheriff of Mount Hope

He loves putting away bad guys and solving mysteries. The only mystery he cant solve: how to grow up.  [Oh. Hell. Yeah.]

Jonathan Handley :  Sir William Pickering – Nobleman

Well educated, well bred, well connected. William Pickering has studied at the best schools, spent time among the French court, and is a good friend of Queen Elizabeth; but surely he would never let those things go to his head. He is still a man of the people, with his finger on the gilded pulse of the court.

Rob Condas :  William Shakespeare – Apprentice Glover

Everyone needs gloves, and serving all levels of society has made young Bill a keen observer of the human condition. He has heard many stories, and feels that he has many stories to tell. He’d like to try his hand at playwrighting – maybe he can wrangle up some actors to try out a new play or two.  [This is absolutely genius, because if we remain in the same universe for a couple years, we’ll get to see his transition to fully-fledged playwright!]

Adam Kampouris :  Christopher "Kit" Marlowe – Playwright

Full of charm and swagger, this playwright can woo a hundred paramours without running out of pickup lines; finish several thousand tankards of ale without retiring for bed; and accomplish almost any task without exerting too much effort; but he cannot seem to finish a play. He is hoping Mount Hope Shire will provide him the inspiration he needs to pen his next masterpiece.

Kelsey Jefferies :  Gretchen Froman – Heir to the Sausage Throne

Her parents have newly acquired a fortune from their successful Sausage empire, and they like to flaunt it! Fortunately for them, their daughter is responsible enough for both of them and makes sure they don’t blow it all in a single shopping trip. That doesn’t mean she doesn’t enjoy some of the perks – just that she is the only one of the three with some class about it.  [For context, see the Blackfryars’ descriptions.]

Noelani Stevenson :  Eskarina Nutter – Wise Woman

This cunning woman knows that there are things in this world that cannot be explained, and their solutions must be equally inexplicable. A mistress of folk medicine, herbal lore, and charms, she will heal you up quick or dispel the evil eye. Just remember that what she can cure, she can just as easily give back if you cross her.  [hell yeah my pagan girl!  Also if you look at her headshot, her design is literally Sabrina but a little paler and with blond hair, which is most amusing to me.]   [but like,,, why is her last name nutter.]

Kira Gaudynski :  Stella Hopfield – Bottler

Wife of John Hopfield. Though her title is Bottler, she does so much more – marketing, distribution, HR, pretty much everything that isn’t the actual brewing of the beer...and girl, is she good at it! She thrives under pressure, and fortunately for her, there is always pressure abounding.

Ryan Perry :  John Hopfield – Brew Master

Patriarch of the Hopfield family. His brews are best. His ales are awesome. His stouts are stellar. His lagers are...really good too. Hes proud of the name he has made for his family, and knows that beer is the true heart of Mount Hope.

Katelyn Shreiner :  Sherry Tanningrove – Mistress of the Cellars

Sister of Horice Tanningrove and his partner in the winery. Her mind is like the aging process of wine: calculating, patient, and meticulous. She has an eye for detail and rarely jumps to conclusions. She knows that trends come and go, but wine will be forever.

Michael Stahler :  Horace Tanningrove – Vinter

Patriarch of the Tanningrove Family. Wine is what put the shire of Mount Hope on the map, and Horace is proud of that family tradition. He knows Queen Elizabeth will have a more refined palate than her late father and sister, and will help bring Mount Hope’s wines back to the top no matter what those uppity Hopfields say.  [yeah okay so there’s definitely a family rivalry here]

Alright, You Stumped Me

Katie Burch :  Theresa Ratchet – Rat Catcher

Sickness has begun blanketing the world. Some people blame it on bad smells, some people believe it to be God’s wrath due to the sinful ways of today’s culture. Theresa, however, believes it to be because of the rats. She can’t prove it, and no one else believes her, but she will do whatever it takes to rid Mount Hope of these verminous infestations and save the populous in the process.  [Heck yeah, my science-based girl, go get it!]

George Hamilton :  Douglas Johnson – Master Thief

He’s been arrested so many times by Sheriff Perry, they know practically everything about each other. One might even suspect they’ve become friends, but Douglas Johnson would never take advantage of his friendship....in any way that would be obvious to Sheriff Jacob.  [I’m always a slut for this sort of dynamic!]

Shannon Holder :  Rose Hopfield – Brew Master's Daughter

Impulsive, independent, and passionate, this young woman is exploring the world on her own and beginning to see things in a new light, not solely from the perspective of her brewmaster father. By the end of the festival day, she may even sip her first glass of wine!

Jesse Kortus :  Jack Tanningrove – Vinter's Son

Idealistic, intelligent, and inquisitive, this young man is coming into his own and beginning to question the things he has grown up with as facts. For example: contrary to his father’s opinion, there seem to be a great deal of people upon the shire who prefer beer to wine. He intends to spend the day finding out just why that is.  [....oh great we’re gonna have friggin’ het star-crossed lovers up in here, aren’t we.]

John Surgener :  Charles Kent – Yeoman

Fiercely loyal to the Queen, Charles Kent is every bit the ideal hero. With a strong moral compass and an idyllic spirit, Kent is fast, powerful, and has quickly leapt to the top of the list of the Queens favorite Yeomen.

Haley Ward :  Amy Cooper – Cooper

Who would have thought a business person could suffer from TOO MUCH demand? With the ongoing conflict between the Tanningroves and the Hopfields, Amy has been profiting, but at the cost of much sleep. Maybe today she’ll finally be able to enjoy a day off.  [*sleep-deprived fistbump*]

My Reasoning

A section I include purely because I don’t like feeling stupid: therefore when I’m wrong, I prefer people to at least see the logic I followed to arrive at my conclusion.

Leads

Robert Dudley and Henry Carry are both mentioned by name in the scenario, so they’re obviously leads, and Queen Elizabeth is sort of, well, Queen Elizabeth.

Combat

Bev Tanningrove – Tanningrove Family Muscle: character description puts her pretty firmly in the combat territory; Sunny Vinsavich’s resume backs this up with necessary training/abilities.

Sylvia Forel – Sword Mistress: character description puts her pretty firmly in the combat territory; Emily Wirthwein’s resume backs this up with necessary training/abilities.

Mary McBride – Dance Mistress of the Shire: character description puts her pretty firmly in the combat territory; Mel Angelo’s resume seems to back this up with necessary training/abilities.

Fan Liu – Pirate: character description indicates combat as a definite possibility; Ilana Lo‘s resume backs this up with SO MUCH necessary training/abilities; character seems to fit better into the pattern of the combat track than the pattern of the improv track.

Bonnie Buchanna – Pirate: character description indicates combat as a definite possibility; Leigh Loureiro‘s resume indicates potential necessary physicality; character seems to fit better into the pattern of the combat track than the pattern of the improv track

Mistress Quickley – Tavern Keeper: can’t freaking find a resume for Amanda Darrigo, but in my PARF experience, tavern-keepers tend to be involved in brawls and melees, thus indicating combat track.

Captain James Thatch – Captain of The Queen's Vengeance: character description indicates combat as a definite option; can’t find a resume for Sean Besecker, but did find a facebook post mentioning his participation in leading a stage-combat workshop alongside Sam Little, thus implying the necessary training/abilities; character seems to fit better into the pattern of the combat track than the pattern of the improv track.

Bartholomew Wainwright – Yeoman: though character description does not necessarily indicate active combat role, one would imagine a yoeman to be involved in combat, and I know past casts have included combat-track yeomen; Matthew Glen Clark‘s resume backs this up with necessary training and physicality.

Edward Mawson – First Mate: character description does not necessarily indicate active combat role, and I was completely unable to find any sort of resume for Austin James, but the character seems to fit into the pattern of the combat track well enough, so it’s my best guess.

Music (hardly challenging, as I mentioned, yet shall display my reasoning anyway)

Captain Sheena Daley O'Connell – Captain of The Unyeilding Tempest: woman pyrate whose character description matches the format of the other Sirens’.

Captain Scarlett Seymour – Captain of The Shadow of Prophecy: woman pyrate whose character description matches the format of the other Sirens’.

Captain Ruth "The Blade" Gibson – Captain of The Jolly Walrus: woman pyrate whose character description matches the format of the other Sirens’, plus we already know Megan Jones is music-track certified, so to speak.

Captain Elanor Keetly – Captain of The Malevolence: woman pyrate whose character description matches the format of the other Sirens’, plus we already know Sarah Williams is both music-track certified and Siren certified.

Siobhán O'Sullivan – Royal Music Tutor: surname matches that of the four Irish characters listed as “musician”.

Gilda O'Sullivan – Musician: surname matches that of the other Irish characters listed as “musician” or similar; Jordan Bell is already both music-track certified and Revel certified.

Alannah O'Sullivan – Musician: surname matches that of the other Irish characters listed as “musician” or similar; Morgan Harwood is already music-track certified.

Keagan O'Sullivan – Musician: surname matches that of the other Irish characters listed as “musician” or similar; Jared Haverdink is already music-track certified.

Deklyn O'Sullivan – Musician: surname matches that of the other Irish characters listed as “musician” or similar.

Sterling Armstrong – Highwayman, Leader of Group: highwayman; we already knew Christoper Burch is music-track capable.

Tucker Abbot – Highwayman, Sterling's Protégé: highwayman; singing is specifically mentioned in description.

Jeremiah Slight – Highwayman, Sterling's Right-Hand Man: highwayman; we already knew Pete Hedberg is very very music-track certified and Rogue certified.

William "Bill" Crimson – Highwayman, former Benadictine Monk: highwayman; we already knew Ian Agnew is both music-track certified and Rogue certified.

Improv

Lady Delores Anne Penburthy – Lady Mayor of Mount Hope: Duh.

William Cecil – Advisor to the Queen: Adam Shepley is historically improv track.

Jacob Perry – Sheriff of Mount Hope: Joe Penn is historically improv track.

Sir William Pickering – Nobleman: Jonathan Handley is historically improv track.

William Shakespeare – Apprentice Glover: character description gives no indication of combat; Rob Condas‘s website extols his improv ability and love of the same.

Christopher "Kit" Marlowe – Playwright: if Shakespeare be improv track, it follows that Marlowe is, too; character description gives no indication of combat.

Gretchen Froman – Heir to the Sausage Throne: one parent is a Blackfryar and the other an improv director, so the statistical likelihood lies with improv;  character description gives no indication of combat.

Eskarina Nutter – Wise Woman: character description gives no indication of combat; it makes more sense for a healer-witch-type character to not be combat-focused anyway (though that would make for a really cool character); I could not find any resume for Noelani Stevenson to verify anything one way or another, but I’m relatively confident in my verdict nonetheless.

Stella Hopfield – Bottler: character description gives no indication of combat; Kira Gaudynski’ resume seems to indicate greater improv strength than combat strength.

John Hopfield – Brew Master: character description gives no indication of combat; if the Hopfield matriarch indeed be on improv, it seems to heighten the likelyhood of the Hopfield patriarch being on the same; could not find Ryan Perry’s resume to check training/abilities one way or another.

Sherry Tanningrove – Mistress of the Cellars: character description gives no indication of combat; Katelyn Shreiner‘s resume seems to indicate stronger improv skills than combat skills; following my previous path of reason, if the head Hopfields be on the improv track, likely the head Tanningroves will, too.

Horace Tanningrove – Vinter: character description gives no indication of combat; Michael Stahler‘s resume seems to indicate average stage-combat abilities; once more following my path of reasoning through to the logical conclusion, this other head Tanningrove will likely be on the improv track.

Alright, you stumped me

Theresa Ratchet – Rat Catcher: while Katie Burch has historically been combat-track, the character description gives no indication of combat; moreover, her participation in Theatre in the Mansion indicates to me that she has the necessary abilities for the improv track; neither her website nor twitter reveals anything one way or another; finally, I have a unproven gut instinct that one is more likely to remain on cast more years running if one switches tracks.  Verdict? could go either way.

Douglas Johnson – Master Thief: George Hamilton has been on both the music track and the combat track (though music is here ruled out), and his participation in Theatre in the Mansion indicates to me that he has the necessary abilities for the improv track; thieves of various sorts are often on the combat track, but it seems his main acting partner this year is on improv; I cannot find a website for further information, and his social media reveals nothing.  Verdict? six of one, half-a-dozen of the other.

Rose Hopfield – Brewmaster's Daughter: character description indicates a divergence from her parents’ worldview, so while I have her parents under improv, it would make some degree of sense for her to be on a different track; only some degree, though, and character description does not indicate combat; Shannon Holder‘s resume seems to indicate possibility in either track.  Verdict? honestly probably improv but there is wiggle-room.

Jack Tanningrove – Vinter's Son: character description indicates a divergence from his parents’ worldview, so while I have his parents under improv, it would make some degree of sense for him to be on a different track; only some degree, though, and character description does not indicate combat; I could not find a resume for Jesse Kortus to check training/abilities either way.  Verdict? yeah prolly improv but who knows.

Charles Kent – Yeoman: though character description does not necessarily indicate active combat role, one would imagine a yoeman to be involved in combat, and I know past casts have included combat-track yeomen; however, John Surgener’s resume seems to me to lean more toward improv than combat, though he has some degree of experience in both.  Verdict? heck if I know.

Amy Cooper – Cooper: character description does not indicate combat; Haley Ward’s resume indicates the necessary training/ability for combat; the character description gives me improv-track vibes somehow.  Verdict? yeah at this point your guess is as good as mine.

Phew!  That’s more than long enough for one day, so the Blackfryars shall get their own post on the morrow (maybe this evening if I’m responsible... haha...).

To the newcomers, welcome!  To those returning, welcome back!

[howtohero]

#122 Being Framed

Crimes happen all the time (good job). Probably there are eight or nine happening right now (so reading this is just an excellent use of your time). Many of these crimes go unsolved (probably because our worlds’ greatest crime fighters are reading internet funny blogs). Some of them do get solved though (no thanks to you). But even the ones that are solved or the ones that are stopped sometimes aren’t stopped or solved in exactly the best way possible (that’s on you too). Sometimes in fact the wrong person is arrested and imprisoned and publicly condemned as a super criminal (making a mockery of the justice system). And sometimes, that wrongly imprisoned, or falsely accused person, is you (personally, I think you did it). 

The first thing you need to when you’ve been framed for a crime is find out that you’ve been framed. Until you know that, you can’t do anything. So you need to stay abreast of all the superhero news in the world. If you’re being accused of a crime that’s where that information is going to pop up. In fact you should focus more heavily on those sites or news programs that have more anti-superhero leanings.

“Anti-superhero learnings?” you ask, the donut you were eating falls out of your mouth which is now agape in horror. For you are horrified by the very notion. “How could such a thing be?” you stammer as your monocle pops out of your eye. You’ve never been more shocked and confused and afraid in your life. Well put that donut back in your mouth slovenly citizen, it’s true. Some people do not like superheroes. Maybe their jealous of their fabulous bodies, cool cars or walrus sidekicks. Maybe they don’t think punching ever single individual drug dealer in the groin is the best possible way to make the streets safer. Maybe a loved one was tragically killed in the fallout of an epic superhero battle. Regardless these people do not like superheroes and so they’ll be the first ones to report that you or some other superhero has been implicated in a crime or is the subject of a manhunt. While this is one of the quickest ways to find out if you’re about to be indicted, be warned, these programs are a bit hard to sit through. They generally feature two four well-dressed people smiling about others misfortunes and laughing at bad jokes! Can you imagine? These people have their own television program and they have the audacity to just sit around and make bad jokes. Unacceptable. I can excuse the anti-superhero rantings and ravings (our favorite anti-superhero rant’n’rave comes courtesy of talk show host Greg Greginski and features the line “these spandex sissies and their frikkin’ underwear on the goddam wrong side of the pants and their stupid astro… astro-motorhomes and their fancy pants cape-wearing horses! I can’t stand them! I wish they’d all be eaten… eaten by progress… the progress of society!” like that was crazy what was he even talking about why was he so mad about the horse? What a champ.) but the bad jokes are where I draw the line. These are the same people that start every St. Patrick’s Day show by saying “top o the mornin’ to ye” in a terrible accent. Just so we’re all on the sampe page.

In fact, interestingly enough, angry/jealous/insecure, morning show hosts are responsible for 62% of superhero framings. They do it to stoke those anti-superhero flames. That’s a true statistic. They commit more superhero framings than actual supervillains (supervillains tend to be very enthusiastic about taking credit for the crimes they commit. Heck, most of them broadcast their crimes on every screen in the world while they’re committing the crime). Supervillains don’t even make up the other 38%! There’s also dirty cops and non-dirty cops just being bad at their jobs. So disgruntled morning-show hosts take the lion’s share of that blame. 

Once you are alerted to the fact that you are wanted for a crime you need to immediately get out of your costume, and then not get back into it until this whole thing goes over. The manhunt can’t succeed if the man they are hunting never shows up anywhere ever again. (Or womanhunt, women can be framed for crimes too). If you want, you can even just leave it at that. Destroy your costumes, design a new one, repaint your car to match your new color scheme and you’re good to go. Even if whoever is framing you keeps framing you for crimes it doesn’t even matter. You set that identity on fire, it’s theirs if they want it so bad. The costume was never even that comfortable. You designed it early on in your career. You were younger back then, caring more about coolness than comfort. You don’t like to admit it but you were thinner back then too. The costume was much too tight, you’re glad for the opportunity to make a new one, a better one, a costume with a future. Being framed was the best thing that ever happened to you! Thank you Greg Greginski, you’ve changed one more life for the better.

If you do want to keep your identity though you’re going to need to do some damage control. Check up on all your spare costumes, make sure every one of them is accounted for. If you find that one of them is missing, then you have a potential crime scene that you can work. Scour the site of your missing costume for any clues or forensic evidence that might lead you to discovering who could’ve stolen it, and who is now probably wearing it while commiting crimes and vlogging about it. Think about who could’ve had access to this secret costume hiding spot. Which of your allies knew where it was and which of your enemies might have the powers or skillsets to break in and steal it. A missing costume is a great place to start your investigation.

Sometimes however though you’ll find that none of your costumes are missing at all. This isn’t all that unusual or even surprising. A skilled seamstress could replicate your costume just by looking at it. Heck, even a garbage seamstress could replicate your costume approximately enough to fool the shoddy security cameras at the convenience store you supposedly robbed. If you find that all your costumes are exactly where you left them you should immediately become suspicious of all seamstresses, no matter their skill level. 

Now is around the time where you should start seriously making sure that you’re actually being framed. Sure, there’s definitely someone out there assuming your identity to steal apples in order to create a worldwide apple shortage and then become rich off of their stolen artificially-rare apples, but are you entirely sure that it’s not you? Perhaps you were mind controlled, or maybe you’re a sleeper agent. Maybe you did it consciously, while in control of your body and mind and everything (I’m sure you had a good reason) and then somehow forgot about it (or were forced to forget about it). For all we know you could actually be framing yourself! To make sure that you haven’t been secretly committing crimes in your sleep or something (sleep-stealing is a real thing that effects dozens of people across the galaxy) I recommend attaching a video camera to yourself. This way if another crime is committed all you have to do is check the tapes! Brilliant! If the tapes show that you were off doing your own thing at the time of the crime then you’re golden (well, relatively, there’s still somebody defacing all the statues in the park while wearing your costume). And I know what you’re thinking, but no, you can’t use those same tapes to exonerate you in a court of law. For one thing, unless you’re wearing your costume 24/7 you’re going to give away your secret identity and we’re not quite at that point yet. Even if you were wearing your costume the entire time you had the camera on you a shrewd lawyer could just make the point that anybody could’ve wearing your costume. To which you’ll say “Yeah that’s exactly the point I’m trying to make here!” and then flip over a table and then you will be held in contempt of court.

When the public perceives you to be a criminal you’re usually on your own. The rest of the superhero community will probably turn your back on you and to be honest that might be, at least partially, our fault. So sorry about that. You see, we once said that “The average superhero is exactly one (1) traumatic event away from turning into an evil pilferer.” And all your superhero friends are definitely aware of that. They all read this blog. So that means you have to launch this entire investigation on your own (here this might be helpful).

You should try to acquire any videos or photographs or witness statements that pertain to your alleged crime. If you’re going to go after the person masquerading as you, you’re going to want to know everything that you possibly can about them. You might even get lucky and see them pulling off one of your known enemies’ signature moves! Regardless though you want to get as much information on them as you possibly can. You’ll probably need to break into your local police precinct’s evidence locker but honestly, at this point, who even cares, we have you do shady stuff like that all the time. It’s all in good fun. It’s all in the name of Justice.

Once you’ve learned everything you can about the person who’s framing you for these unspeakable crimes, you can begin checking out your suspects. The person you’re looking for will have a similar build as you and possibly a similar skill or powerset. Lots of superheroes have enemies like that, it’s like people with similar builds and powers are drawn to each other through some metaphysical drama-creating force or something. You might also actually be looking for an evil clone. Man, that would be such a hassle. Remember how annoying those things could be? Or gosh maybe it’s a shapeshifter? Those guys are such tools. It’s not cool to turn into other people! Being someone else isn’t even that hard! The true challenge, and I firmly believe this to be true, is being yourself.

Once you do track down the bad guy whose impersonating you though, you need to put on your costume again. This way (as we’ve mentioned before) the public can see that there’s both a good guy and a bad guy who have the same costume and your name will automatically be cleared. Even from bad things that you actually did! Every negative thing that’s been done in your costume, no matter who did it, will just be laid at the feet of the evil guy wearing the costume! This is a great chance to get rid of all that embarrassing stuff too. Like the time you were caught on camera in costume yelling at a pigeon who had stolen your last french-fry. Or the time you were refused service at a drive-through because technically you flew-through and there’s apparently a rule against that in the drive-through code of conduct. 

Once the bad guy is defeated and captured and their costume is taken away to either be aggressively burned or aggressively laundered, you’ll be starting with pretty much a clean slate. Once again the public will adore you and see you as the hero you are and you can go back to spending your days fighting sassy swashbuckler or attending superhero drum circles which are posilutely a real thing. Don’t expect any apologies from the pundits who disparaged you on national television or the legions of police officers who agreed to unpaid overtime just to hunt you down (or me). They’re still waiting for you to turn evil for real. Frikkin Greg.

[douchebagbrainwaves]

YOU GUYS I JUST THOUGHT OF THIS

Excite really never got the business model right at all. She was horrified when the doctors running the study discovered what appeared to be a member of the professional classes. Did it alarm some potential acquirers that we used Lisp? Version 1 of this world. We'll have to worry not just about new things, but also about existing things becoming more addictive. The ultimate way to get market price is to work for yourself, by starting your own company. Some switched from meat loaf to tofu, and others to driving SUVs.1

And I'm pretty sure that to people 50 or 100 years in the future. But in those days the trade press expected versions, so we made them up.2 The war was due mostly to external forces, and the 2. The importance of the first varies depending on whether you have control over the whole system and have the source code of all the things we could have monotonically increasing confidence in their opinions are implicitly concluding the world is static. I'll tell you how. Trevor graduated at about the same time the acquisition closed, so in the course of 4 days he went from impecunious grad student to millionaire PhD.3 In the Valley, terrible things happen to startups all the time and we got Java applets. You make something that looks to the user like the sufficiently smart compiler you could create a situation indistinguishable from you being that manufacturer, at least not in the selection of ideas, but their production. After years of working on it for a couple days when he presented to investors at Demo Day, when the startups we funded this summer present to investors. The part that actually mattered was graphic design, not transaction processing. And when the Duplo economy happened simultaneously with the spread of computing power was a precondition for globalization or the LBO wave? To someone in their twenties today, this wouldn't seem worth naming.

If you do it? The puffed-up companies that went public during the Bubble didn't do it just because they were afraid of Google, and recently I've noticed some cracks in their fortress. There was a friend they wanted to do things that are superficially impressive.4 Startups in other places are just doing what startups naturally do: fail. Here there were 3 choices: NBC, CBS, and ABC. So it was literally IPO or bust.5 So here we have two pieces of information that I think of all the best Ajax startups before Google does.6 Instead of thinking of most places as being sprayed with the antidote. Except sinecures don't appear in economic statistics. I mean show, not tell. Ruby: Perl is a kludge. Macros in the Lisp sense are still, as far as I know all too well from being in the business call a liquidity event, and the Baumol Effect means all their peers get dragged along too.

And indeed, things hadn't changed much yet. Oddly enough, it was news to him. It's like the word allopathic. Conditionals. Once some employer breaks ranks, everyone else has to, or open them in new windows. So presumably that's what this brainstorming session was about. Everything is just incremental and you just have to do that with coworkers.

A remarkable number of famous startups grew out of some experience. A couple weeks ago I finally figured it out. Less fortunate startups just end up hiring armies of people to sit around having meetings. If life is short, as everyone knows.7 What difference did it make if other manufacturers could offer DOS too? You're an investor too. And once you understand the degree to which the startups they like are the ones that figure out new ways to give stuff away for free could be pretty high-handed about it. They don't like that idea, so now they try to get market price for their investment; they limit their holdings to leave the founders enough stock to feel the company is at least straightforward: make the search engine you yourself want. If you don't and a competitor does, you're in trouble. You can't say precisely what the miracle will be, or even that the power they wield corrupts them.8 But you have to extract parameters manually in Perl.

And the old system meant people had to deal with before. Number 6 is starting to appear in the mainstream.9 In this case, working code means a working description in the investor's head. It's practically a mantra at YC. This is what you end up with: def foo n: class acc: def __init__ self, n: self. Anything that gets you those 10,000 startup founders into the country each year could have a visible effect on the number of successful startups talked less about choosing cofounders and more about how hard they worked to maintain their relationship. You enter a whole different way of life when it's your company vs. Would we be just as likely to feel life was short if we lived 10 times as long in another language, it will seem barbaric that people in our era waited till they had symptoms to be diagnosed with cancer. They all know one another, and techniques spread rapidly between them. That's their secret. Like Facebook. And by next, I mean five years if nothing goes wrong.

Angels were generally much better to talk to. Our ancestors were giants. If they were obviously good, someone would already be doing them.10 You can demonstrate your respect for one another in more subtle ways.11 If you're a hacker and you're presenting to experienced investors, they're probably better at detecting bullshit than you are.12 Ideas 8 and 9 only became part of Lisp by accident, the frequency of helpful chance meetings in the Valley aren't automatically impressed with you just because you're starting a company to actually doing it. On the web, people can publish whatever they want. The answer, I realized, more from internal evidence than any outside source, that the ideas we were being fed on TV were crap, and I said to him, ho, you're confusing theory with practice, this eval is intended for reading, not for computing. We would have sold. In social settings, I found that I got over 100 other responses listing the surprises they encountered.13

The closest is the colloquial sense of addictive. They probably assumed we were on the same VC gravy train they were.14 But airports are not so bad: most of the time you'll find the person instinctively thinks the idea will be a great thing—so great that people in our era waited till they had symptoms to be diagnosed with conditions like heart disease and cancer.15 From far enough away, all you can see is the large, flashing billboard paid for by Sun. And that could be anything, the content of your description approaches zero. Is there no configuration of the bits in memory of a present day computer that is this compiler? In social settings, I found that I got over 100 other responses listing the surprises they encountered.

Notes

The point where it does, the more important to users than where you wanted it? In the beginning. These range from make-believe, is caring what random people thought it was one firm that wanted to go to grad school you always feel you should. Your user model almost couldn't be perfectly accurate, because they insist you dilute yourselves to set aside a chunk of stock options than any other company has ever been.

Incidentally, this is what you learn about programming in Lisp. To the extent to which the top 15 tokens, because despite some progress in the sense of getting rich from controlling monopolies, just as on a saturday, he tried to shift back. You can still see fossils of their peers.

I should degenerate from 129. But it was briefly in Britain in the original version of this type: lies told by older siblings.

The Baumol Effect induced by startups is very common for startups to be hard on Google. Earlier he'd had in school, secretly write your thoughts down in the business much harder to fix. Some genuinely aren't. Cost, again.

Which in turn means the startup eventually becomes. In principle yes, of course some uncertainty about how things are going well, but have no way to create wealth with no valuation cap at all but for a group to consider behaving the opposite way from the 1940s or 50s instead of reacting. Could you restrict technological progress aren't sharply differentiated. If you're expected to do it all at once, or grow slowly tend not to grow big in revenues without growing big in people, but I couldn't believe it or not to feel guilty about it wrong in How to Make Wealth when I said by definition this will give you such a brutally simple word is that the payoff for avoiding tax grows hyperexponentially x/1-x for 0 x 1.

It was common in, but when people tell you that if a bunch of adults had been with us he would have met 30 people he meets at parties he's a real partner. It doesn't happen often. There's not much use, because unions will exert political pressure to protect widows and orphans from crooked investment schemes; people with a walrus mustache and a list of n things seems particularly collectible because it's a bad idea was that there were about the qualities of these, because the kind of social engineering—. And when they buy some startups and not fixing them fast enough, the assembly line, the term whitelist instead of Windows NT?

For example, the startup isn't getting market price. There are two ways to make programs easy to write an essay about it.

And starting an organic farm, though I think it's confusion or lack of transparency. Distribution of income and b not allow them to justify choices inaction in particular took bribery to the rise of big companies can afford that. They could make it harder for you by accidents of age and geography, rather technical sense of being interrupted deters hackers from starting hard projects.

Whereas the value of their time on a hard technical problem. No one writing a dictionary from scratch, rather technical sense of not starving then you should avoid raising money in order to avoid variable capture and multiple evaluation; Hart's examples are subject to both. Many hope he was exaggerating.

On the other is laziness. There are still, as in a time before photography had a big chunk of this process but that's overkill; the defining test is whether you have 8 months of runway or less, then add beans don't drain the beans, and Windows, respectively. To a kid was an assiduous courtier of the crown, and they were saying scaramara instead of blacklist.

The trustafarians' ancestors didn't get rich by buying their own, like wages and productivity, but those specific abuses. It's like the word wealth.

A variant is that Digg is Slashdot with voting instead of crawling back repentant at the time I thought there wasn't, because they couldn't afford it. But it isn't critical to.

Who is being put through an internal process at work. In January 2003, Yahoo released a new database will probably frighten you more inequality. It is probably a losing bet for a name that has a significant number. Could you restrict technological progress to areas where you went to school.

Down rounds are bad: Webpig, Webdog, Webfat, Webzit, Webfug. In fairness, I have no idea what's happening till they measure their returns. Two possible and not end up reproducing some of the medium of exchange would not make a formal language for proofs in which I removed a pair of metaphors that made a lot, or your job will consist of bad customs as well use the word that means the slowdown that comes from ads on other sites.

Anything that got built this? He had such a dangerous mistake to do it. There's not much use, because she liked the iPhone too, of course.

[fizzingwizard]

Okay then. Yagami Taichi. So that's Y/A/G/M/I/T/C/H. And Izumi Koushiro is I/Z/U/M/K/O/S/H/R. Give us your wisdom, oh great one.

Finally answering! Thanks for your patience. OK, I’ll put the answers under a cut because I accidentally added a couple ficlets teehee. Also got Yamato and Daisuke in my inbox so will get to those soon~

Yagami Taichi and Izumi Koshiro under the cut

Yagami Taichi

Y: What is one question they’ve always wanted an answer to?

Why does what everyone else sees as courage feel so much like fear?

A: What are/were this character’s best subjects in school?

In elementary school, he just barely made the grade by in pretty much everything. Outstanding marks in P.E. Otherwise, generally too energetic and distracted for homework. He was very much that kid the teacher genuinely likes yet wishes was in someone else’s class some days…

In high school, well, Tri verse seems to have made him into a pretty standard, “life happens to me” type of high school student, but I like to think that his sense of leadership and resourcefulness would make him a bit more of a go-getter. I think he’d buckle down to some extent — perhaps for most of his high school career, soccer would be first in his mind, and some subjects would just not be his thing. But charisma, public speaking skill, and leadership ability would definitely show through in group projects, presentations, debate, that sort of thing. So I think his best subjects would probably be social studies, government, and perhaps English.

G: How do they flirt?

If he tries to flirt on purpose, he acts like Marty McFly, minues the oedipus thing. Luckily he’s not a very flirty guy. At least not at first. After he’s been in a relationship for someone in a while, however…

“Stop licking my ear.”

“But it’s delicious. I just want to eat it up.”

“I am not your dinner.”

“Of course not, you’re too sweet for that. You’re dessert!”

“That is so cheesy.”

“Would you like it if I ate cheese off your naked body, sweetums?”

(Of course, he’s really trying to be funny here, more than he is trying to flirt. In truth he remains an awkward, fairly oblivious lover his entire life, and his redeeming qualities are his positivity and affectionate nature.)

M: What is their favourite dessert?

Chocolate banana! At festivals he breaks them in half, sticks them under his tongue and parades around as a walrus. But honestly he’ll take fried food over sweets.

I: On a scale of 1 to 10, how much do they love themselves?

He doesn’t really think about it. If you asked, he’d open his arms wide and say in a loud, child-like voice, “Thiiis much!” But he has his real lows as well as his real highs. Sometimes he’s bitter. Sometimes self-pitying. Sometimes he thinks someone else, anyone else, could do a better job at being Yagami Taichi than he does. But he shakes himself out of it pretty well usually, or someone helps him to it. He gets by thanks to his friends.

T: Where are they ticklish?

“I am not ticklish. At all. Anywhere.”

“You definitely are.” Yamato looked like he was struggling not to laugh, which only made Taichi frown harder.

“Maybe when I was a kid, and overreacted to everything.”

“Yesterday, when Jou tapped you on the shoulder, you started squirming around.”

“I was surprised, not ticklish. I do not have ticklish shoulders.”

“Okay,” Yamato sat down on the edge of the couch. Taichi immediately scooted back against the arm and pulled his legs in. “What are you doing?”

“I sense danger.”

“You think — I’m not going to tickle you,” Yamato sighed. Then his eyes narrowed. “But if you’re not ticklish to begin with, why are you worried?”

“Not worried,” Taichi harrumphed. “Not ticklish either.”

“Fine, you’re not ticklish.”

“I’m not.”

“I just said that.”

They fell quiet. Yamato picked up the remote, started to flick through the movie selection on TV. Meanwhile, a muscle worked in Taichi’s jaw as he sat beside him with tense, folded arms.

“Taichi.”

“Do NOT tickle me!”

“I’m not going to tickle you! I was going to tell you to unclench! I’m getting a charley horse just watching you!”

(In sum: He is not ticklish. At all. Anywhere.)

C: Can they swim well?

Like a fish. An exceedingly ungraceful fish. Like a torpedo when Sora’s in the water too and he wants to start a splash fight.

H: What is their deadly sin?

“Let’s see, there are seven deadly sins, right?” Taichi frowned. “Uh, I don’t remember what they are, so.”

Koushirou began to tick them off on his fingers. “Pride, wrath, gluttony —”

Yamato let out a low chuckle. “Gluttony, for sure.”

“You shut up.”

“Yesterday you ate the ramen and fried rice special, the large size, for lunch,” Yamato remarked, cool as you please, while glaring daggers down his nose. “After which you ate my fried rice too.”

“I was doing you a favor,” Taichi pouted. “You couldn’t finish it.”

“Admit it. You’re a glutton.”

“I’m a gourmand.”

“Pffft.”

“It’s thanks to people like me that your beloved matcha Kit-Kats became a thing.”

“— Envy, greed, sloth, and lust,” Koushirou finished, not appearing to note the interruption.

Mimi squealed. “Lust! That’s it for sure!” She clasped her hands over her chest. “If we only knew the nights he lies awake in bed, tormented by desire, confused, all alone with his turbulent teenage hormones —”

“In your dreams!” Taichi shouted.

He threw a pillow at her. She ducked. Sora lunged between them and snatched the pillow before they could begin an all out war in Koushirou’s pristine office.

“Taichi’s deadly sin is not lust.” She rolled her eyes. “Unless it’s lust for nachos.”

“Not you too,” the glutton groaned. “Gimme that pillow.”

“No.”

“You’re no fun.”

The pillow smacked him in the face. “I’m not what now?”

“How about sloth?” Hikari suggested.

All eyes turned to stare at her. She blushed. “Well, it takes him fifteen minutes to roll out of bed in the morning.”

“Traitor!” Taichi said with what the others supposed was meant to be righteous fury, but sounded rather more pitiful with his face squashed into a pillow.

“We still haven’t heard from the accused himself,” Yamato pointed out. “If Sora can be obliged to stop suffocating him for a minute.”

Sora acquiesced in favor of sitting on Yamato’s lap. Very serious, Taichi cupped his chin in his hands as he gazed at the coffee table.

“My deadly sin,” he began — pausing for dramatic effect — “is greed. I want too many things,” he went on, quietly, eyes unfocusing as if looking far into the past. Somewhere he didn’t like to go too often. “Like wanting to win without losing anything. Wanting strength without getting hurt. Wanting peace but also wanting change. I’m greedy.  I can’t… accept the way the world limits me.”

His friends stared. For a moment, thoughtful silence reigned. Then:

“So you admit to being a glutton.”

“Damnit, Yamato!” Taichi drove his fist into the arm of the couch amid the flurry of giggles that spread throughout the group. “I am trying to have a moment of self-reflection here!”

“Sorry,” Yamato said unrepentently. “Everyone, he wants a moment of self-reflection. Show some respect. No more titters for fifteen seconds.”

“Ten,” Sora corrected, “No, better make it five.”

“Better make it zero,” Taichi growled, “if you want a decent head start before I rip you all to shreds. With my teeth.”

“How about Mario Kart?” Koushirou said, digging through the box of games.

“… OK, fine. With Mario Kart.”

(You could, and probably will, argue that his sin should be pride. It’s a common one for shonen protagonists. But I’ve never really felt that Taichi is prone to pride, or arrogance. His big struggle with just that, the infamous SkullGreymon episode, isn’t enough for me to put it down a major character flaw. Taichi’s bossiness and optimism to the point of naivete don’t come from an overblown image of himself for the most part. I think he really does just, as the song goes, want it all and want it all now. And being the leader puts him in a position of constantly having to make sacrifices he doesn’t want to make. That’s my reasoning, but you’re perfectly welcome to yours.)

Izumi Koshiro

I: On a scale of 1 to 10, how much do they love themselves?

He might put it at 8.4. Generally he is happy with himself. He values hard work, creativity, thirst for learning. He also values friends and family. As long as those things are first in his life, he feels pretty good. But if something slips, he beats himself up pretty hard. And he’s not so great at talking himself out of it. In those cases he needs a dose of perspective from the people who love him and understand how hard he drives himself.

Z: How do they sleep?

Like a log or not at all. Also a light snorer. The type who snores through a closed mouth while lying on his back. If he rolls over on his side, no issues.

U: What’s their voice like?

Gentle, neutral, precise, neither high nor low. Everyone listens the minute it’s colored by some emotion. Always apologizes afterward. Someone hug this kid.

M: What is their favourite dessert?

Creme brulee. He is secretly quite fancy.

K: How do you know when you’ve upset them?

Most people don’t. Those closest to him, though, find out pretty easily, because he tells them. Very frankly. (This he learned from a long friendship with a certain big-haired blockhead who doesn’t always notice when he’s being an ass.) And he forgives them quickly as well, once he knows they understand what they did that hurt him. He always wants to be fair and hates pettiness. Though now and then he has a petty moment ahaha.

O: What would it take to break them, inside and out?

WHY DO YOU WANT TO KNOW THIS.

but seriously, it would probably be losing the trust and support of his friends. He may have a bunch of solitary hobbies, but Koushirou really, deeply values his loved ones. He’s not cut out for perpetual loneliness. Similarly, if he felt like he could have helped more but didn’t, hello guilt trip.

S: How stealthy are they?

Can be quite stealthy. He’s short and soft-spoken, easy to overlook. But the reason why he wants to be stealthy tends to influence his judgment. Case in point…

“Koushirou…” Taichi stared, jaw hanging open a bit, giving him a rather stupid look which Koushirou felt compelled to warn him off. But before he could say a word, Taichi linked his arm around Koushirou’s neck and dragged him bodily down the hallway to the boys’ restroom.

Inside, he found the farthest unoccupied stall and, to Koushirou’s extreme confusion, locked them both inside.

“You’re not going to dunk my head in the toilet, are you?”

“Excuse you, what do you take me for, some kind of boneheaded jock? Wait, don’t answer that.”

Taichi looked nervously through the crack by the door hinges. “Taichi-san, what are we doing?” Koushirou sighed.

“What are we doing? What are you doing? What is that,” he cried, pointing emphatically at Koushirou’s collar.

“This?” Reaching up, Koushirou’s fingers adjusted the purple bowtie he’d painstakingly selected to match his silk lilac shirt. “This is a bowtie.”

“It looks you pinned some kind of moth through your button hole.”

Koushirou’s brow knit. “Does it? I thought it made me look sort of dressed up.”

“Why would you want to though?”

“Well, we are at a dance, you know. I just wanted to make sure I blend in. It would be horrible if tomorrow everyone was talking about how I was the only one inappropriately dressed.”

“Uh, I hate to say this, but haven’t you noticed that nearly all of the guys came in their school uniforms?” To illustrate his point, Taichi gestured at his own attire. He had indeed come in his school clothes. His shirt was even tucked in for once.

A streak of crimson colored Koushirou’s face. He looked down. Taichi’s eyes darted back and forth as he struggled to come up with something to say. Just then, the bathroom door swung open.

“Taichi, Koushirou, if you two are in here, come out before Mimi accosts every last person looking for you,” Yamato called in a tone of deep longsuffering.

Without opening the stall door, Taichi replied: “What does she want us for?”

“To take a picture.”

Koushirou groaned. “Tell her I’m sick… Taichi-san… I can’t go back out there like this!”

“Why not?” Yamato asked impatiently. It sounded like he was at his wit’s end dealing with Mimi.

“I’m… a little overdressed.”

“Psh. So what? Mimi came here in a ball gown.”

“What?” Koushirou exclaimed as Taichi made a noise of surprise. “She did?”

“Yeah, and you can’t be more overdressed than her.”

“There’s your out, Koushirou,” Taichi hissed in his ear. “Just stick with Mimi the whole night. If anyone asks, she picked out your clothes. She’ll be happy to take the credit. She’ll think you look great.”

Koushirou blushed harder, though for an entirely different reason. With a smirk, Taichi patted his back, and even straightened his bowtie for him before opening the door.

“Get out there, then. Stud.”

(whoever thought I, a staunch joumi fan, would write a koumi drabble… oh well… it just happened lol)

H: What is their deadly sin?

Hard one. He’s a pretty perfect kid lol. I suppose I might put him down for “greed” as well, and maybe it fits better than it does Taichi, in the sense that his curiosity compells him to want to know as much as he can, so he sometimes doesn’t noice the needs of people around him. But it’s not like this is intentional or he doesn’t know about it. Half the time the reason he’s working so hard is because he’s trying to help those people.

R: What are their hands like?

Short, stubby fingers. Often ink-blotted. He’s constantly flexing his hands from typing so much. Bound to get carpal tunnel someday.

[theharvestersbook]

06: Proteans

Meredith opened her palm and looked at her birthmark.  Then, she looked up at her mother.  "Mama," she whispered, "am I a freak?"   "No baby.  You are more special than you can imagine."  Maya patted Meredith's hand and hugged her.  Maya hesitated for a moment, looked at Meredith's hand, and then at Papa Gill, who nodded.  Ready or not, it was time.   Maya looked around and saw that Sam, Hamish, Neha and Kaikane were all watching her and Meredith intently.  Waiting.  She smiled wistfully and said, "The time has come,' the Walrus said, 'To talk of many things: Of shoes, and ships, and sealing-wax, Of cabbages, and kings, And why the sea is boiling hot...'" "What’s that, Mama?” “A very old poem, Mer," Maya smiled at her daughter.  She stood up, took a deep breath, and looked up at the harvesters.  "Come with me," she said as she started below deck, "I want to show you all something."   The harvesters looked at each other with a shared feeling of destiny.  No one said anything, but they all seemed to know. So, one by one, they got up and followed Maya below deck.   "Each of you have been having dreams lately," said Maya as they gathered by one of the stern compartments near the engines. It was a unique feature of the Queen Caretta that, thanks to Papa Gill's constant tinkering, her engines made no sound.  And while there were other sounds coming from the engine room, mostly gentle whirring and a subtle, smooth vibration, it was easy to hear Maya speak in a normal tone. “Maybe you’ve been hearing voices in the water as well," She continued, "or having strange visions that you cannot explain." The harvesters all looked at each other in hesitant surprise.  How could Maya possibly know that all of them had been having dreams about suffocating and a strange, beautiful city?  They hadn't even told each other, because the dreams had been so strong, so vivid, each of the harvesters had been secretly worried that they might be going crazy.   Maya didn't wait for a confirmation.  She knew the truth.  "You're frightened to tell anyone because you think no one will believe you," she said as she looked directly at each harvester, "or worse, you're worried that someone will believe you, and think you're a freak."   She turned, and pointed her finger directly at Meredith.  "I'm telling you right now that I believe you, and you are not a freak.  You're all miracles." She turned to put her hand on the compartment door latch.  She hesitated for a moment, and then turned to look at everyone again. "You are different,” she nodded.  “But you are all so much more special than you realize." Then, she pushed the door open and a warm, orange glow filled the corridor.   Immediately, each of the harvesters reacted.  Meredith raised her hand to her temple as her head started buzzing and clicking madly.  Sam raised her hands to cover her ears.  Hamish and Neha both flinched and squinted their eyes.  Kaikane put a hand to his head as if he had been gripped by a sudden headache. Seeing her friends' reactions, Meredith realized that she wasn't the only one who had been struggling.  Sam's moodiness, Kai's nervousness, Hamish's acting out and Neha's indifference; all of her friends had been struggling.  She just hadn't paid attention to them.  She assumed that she was the only one who was having a hard time. Maya stepped into the orange glow of the compartment.  "C'mon," she waved, "No one's going to hurt you."  The harvesters crowded around the hatchway and peered into the compartment. It was warmer in the compartment than in the hatchway, and humid.  Sticky, even.  In the center of the room, was what looked like a cluster of murderballs.  But they weren't.  They were softer than murderballs, almost like balls of dough.  There was a gooey webbing holding them all together, and they pulsed, slowly, with an orange glow.  Meredith knew immediately what they were. "Eggs," she thought out loud to no one. Maya raised her eyes.  "Yes, Mer.  They're eggs, of a sort." "But what kind of eggs?" asked Neha, still rubbing her head. "Well, not really eggs.  They’re Protean stasis pods," answered Maya, very matter-of-factly, like they should've all known what Protean stasis pods were. "The same kind you came from," she added with a slight smile. Hamish laughed.  "I'm sorry, Maya.  But you're saying I came from one of those?"  He said, jokingly, as he pointed at the stasis pods, "Like a chicken?" "Yes," replied Maya, "That is precisely what I'm saying."  She said it with such a frankness that Hamish stopped laughing and swallowed hard instead.  Maya looked around at the other Harvester faces.  "You're all children of Proteus.  These," she waved her hand at the glowing pods, "are also children of Proteus." "But Mama, who's Proteus?" asked Meredith. “Proteus is our home, Mer," Maya said gently, "A long time ago, our home, Proteus, was attacked, and our only option was to escape and hide.  So, we escaped by placing our daemons in these stasis pods, and hiding the pods in clutches around the world.” “What’s a daemon?” asked Hamish, who had become very serious and curious by now. “A daemon is a spirit, an internal, inspiring force.  Your daemon is your essence, your soul," Maya answered.  She turned and looked at the pods, " Each pod contains the daemon of a single Protean, waiting to be reborn.  The combined memory, knowledge and culture of the entire Protean race is contained in these pods." "The dreams you've each been having, that's your subconscious, your daemon, trying to push your Protean memories and knowledge into your conscious mind.  The older you get, the more powerful your dreams will become, until finally, you'll Rush." "What do you mean, rush?" Sam interrupted, holding up her hand.  "What's a rush?" Maya considered this for a moment, and then said, "Your Rush is when you become completely aware of your Protean self; your daemon presents itself to you.  All your stored memories and knowledge will move from subconscious to conscious, your g..." Maya hesitated for a moment and looked at everyone.  No one said a word as they stared in disbelief at Maya. "Lot's of things are going to happen at your Rush," she said softly.  "I can't explain everything now.  You'll just have to go through your Rush to understand.  And in the meantime, you're gonna have to trust me." She hesitated, and added, "Without an experienced Protean to mentor you through the Rush, it could overwhelm you, drive you mad, or even kill you."  She looked at Sam.  “So don’t think you can Rush by yourself.” Maya allowed her words to sink in.  The room pulsed with the silent orange glow from the stasis pods. "So, that means there are experienced Proteans," Hamish quietly deduced.  "At least, I hope there are, cause I don't want to go crazy." "Too late," said Sam. There was a soft chuckle from the harvesters, except Meredith, who was thinking hard.   Neha looked intently at Maya and asked the obvious question, "Are you a Protean?" "I am.  And so is Papa Gill.  He brought me out of stasis after a huge storm destroyed the clutch I was a part of." "Then which clutch did he come from?" "He didn't.  Papa Gill has a different story.  When Proteus was lost, clutches of stasis pods were hidden all over the world.  Papa Gill has been searching for, and protecting, the clutches ever since then.” “Are you saying Papa Gill came from Proteus?” Maya nodded. “Geez,” said Sam, “how old is he?” “Old.” "So, after we were all hidden in our stasis pods, in various, secret clutches around the world, Papa Gill’s been patrolling the oceans, and watching over our clutches?" asked Sam. “Yep,” nodded Maya. "What about my gills, Mama?" asked Meredith.  She reached up and touched her neck and shoulder.  "I had gills when I was in the water, when I, when I drowned.  Now they're gone.  Will they come back?  Does everyone else have them?" Hamish and Sam both unconsciously reached up and touched their necks. "Yes, we all have gills,” replied Maya.  “They retract when we breathe air.  They only reveal when we’re in water.  You'll learn how to use them after your Rush." "Well, then why do you and Papa Gill use portagills to dive?  Why not just use your, uh, real gills?" asked Hamish. Sam smacked Hamish on the back of the head.   "Because, stupid," she chided, "It wouldn't really look too normal.  Now, would it?" Hamish rubbed the back of his head and gave Sam a look of irritation. "You're hiding!" Neha snapped her fingers.  "You don't want anyone to know about you, about us, about uh, Proteans.  So, you pretend to be human.  But, why?  Why are we hiding?" Everyone looked at Maya with a new concern. "Are we in danger?" asked Sam. "Neha, I'm impressed.  Yes, we are hiding.  And we are in danger, Sam.  But more importantly, these stasis pods," she waved her hand over the cluster of glowing orbs, "they are in grave danger.  And we must help them." "Well, what do?" Meredith asked.  Everyone turned to look at her. "You say we are different, Mama.  Special.  So say we’re Protean.  And I believe you because I feel it."  She placed her palm over her chest. "I know it to be true now, all those dreams and feelings I've been having.  Wanting desperately to dive every day, despite the cold and exhaustion.  The buzzing and clicking in my head every time I'm near sea animals.  The pull of the cruiser.  It wasn't the cruiser calling me; it was the clutch.  I get it.  It makes sense.  It doesn't just make sense; I feel it to be true, deep in my bones." Meredith looked around at the other faces, nodding in quiet affirmation.   She looked back at Maya. "But, what can I possibly do to help?"  She pointed to the cluster of glowing orbs. "We have to move them, Mer," Maya answered calmly.  "There is an entire clutch buried underneath the cruiser.  And we believe our enemies have discovered the clutch as well.  That cybershark proves it.  It's only a matter of time before they attempt to destroy the clutch." "But what enemies, Maya?" asked Sam,  "Why would anyone want to destroy Proteans?" "It's a very long story," said Maya, "Longer than we have right now.  For now, I'll tell you that Proteans have been on this planet for much longer that humans, and there are those who view us as a threat to their plans." Sensing the next question coming from Hamish, Maya quickly added, "But I'm getting ahead of myself.  The point of showing this to you is so that you'll grasp the reality of the situation.”  She looked earnestly at each of the harvesters.   “You are Protean.  Your Rush is coming soon; you need to prepare yourself.  And we are all in danger.  So, other than your families, tell no one about any of this."   No one said a word as Maya’s words sank in. Slowly, almost hesitantly, Neha raised her hand. "Maya," she asked tentatively, "if everything you've told us is true, (and I believe it is) where did we all come from?" Maya looked at Neha and answered, "Years ago, Papa Gill and I harvested you from this very same clutch.  Ever since, we’ve been watching each of you for signs of your coming Rush.  Now it’s here.” The harvesters all looked at each other.  It made sense.  Everything made sense.  Except for one thing. With a look of realization and confusion, Meredith asked, "But Mama, what about my daddy?  Daddy was human.  How could I come from a, a pod?  Daddy was human." "Oh, my God," gasped Sam, "That's right.  I didn't even think of that." "It's true, Mer," answered Maya, "Your daddy was human.  And I'm sorry, Baby, but I have no idea what that means, or what's going to happen next for you.  You are truly different from everyone else: half human and half Protean.  All I know for sure is that I thought you were dead, drowned.   But your gills presented themselves and saved you.  And, they presented before you Rushed.  I've never seen that happen before." Maya looked at her daughter, wishing she had more answers. "Mer, whatever happens, you won't go through it alone.  I will be right there with you," Maya promised. “So will I,” assured Sam. Then Kaikane spoke up. "That means none of us, except for Meredith, actually have real parents.  The rest of us came from those pods, those stupid, disgusting pods."  He waved his hand like he was trying to knock the pods away. Maya looked at Kaikane with mild surprise. "No, Kai," said Neha, "Don't." "No!" snapped Kaikane.  "I want to know the truth!  I deserve to know!" He looked at Maya and asked, "My father isn't really my father, is he?" "You already know the answer, Kai," said Maya calmly.  "You've always known.  You may not have wanted to believe it, because the truth was too frightening.  But you knew." Kai looked at Maya.  Then he looked at Meredith, and the pods.  Maya was right.  He had always known.   He thought about that for a moment. "I hate you," he said flatly to Maya.  And he turned and walked out of the room. "Kai!" called Neha.  "Where are you going?" "Let him go, Neha," said Maya. "He needs to sort things out." "Mama," Meredith said, "Can I touch one?" Maya smiled, "Sure.  But let me warn you; your physical connection will create a link with all the daemons in the stasis pods.  You will have access to many shared memories.  So you may see things in your mind that won't make sense until you've had your own Rush.  But, I’ll be with you." Without completely understanding what Maya meant, and still a bit confused about what a "rush" was, Meredith nodded and approached the cluster of pods.  She knelt down and, taking hold of Maya’s hand, Meredith placed her marked hand on one of the pods.

She gasped as the familiar sensation in her head returned, this time like a wave.  Her head was filled with buzzing and clicking and voices. Clear voices, speaking.  It was a conversation, and it rushed forward with a stunning clarity.

"But you must cast the deciding vote, Caretta, it is your duty and responsibility as Sovereign!" "No, Superbia," replied Caretta calmly.  "My responsibility as Sovereign is to preserve the Republic of Proteus.  A vote either way will rend our unity down the middle.  I will not destroy what has taken a millennium to build.  The Council will continue to debate until a common resolution to the Human Issue can be found." The Room of Debate was empty, except for Superbia, who was anxiously pacing about, and Caretta, who was sitting calmly in her seat at the head of the large, oval-shaped table in the center of the room. "Caretta," Superbia turned and pleaded, "be reasonable.  You've seen the humans.  You know what they're like; they're savages.  They know nothing but war and rage.  We have only managed to maintain our borders through constant negotiation.  Humans don't respond to reason.  They are emotional and violent in their beliefs.  They must be controlled, not treated as equals." "Yes, there is truth in your words," said Caretta.  "Many humans are as you describe.  And it is precisely because of our constant efforts at negotiation and instruction, because we have taken the more difficult path of patience and understanding, that humans have not completely destroyed themselves.  You and I have both have met human leaders who would lead humanity to a better, more enlightened place, and we owe them the opportunity." "Owe them?" retorted Superbia.  "Owe? Them?  How do we owe those filthy savages anything?  They have no sense of reason or spirituality.  They show no respect or kinship to their own kind. If anything, they owe us! Certainly, some do speak of values, but then use them only to their advantage.  They murder and enslave each other!  How do we owe them any consideration at all?  Think, Caretta!  Imagine what will actually happen if we were to treat them as equals.  Imagine what would happen if we were to educate them and actually give them the gift of knowledge, of discernment, of science and technology.  What do you think they would do with that gift?  Do you actually believe they would respond in kind?  Do you believe they would grow intellectually?  Morally?  Spiritually?  No!  They would foolishly squander it." Caretta carefully placed her hands, palms down on the table, took a deep breath, and looked up at Superbia. "Be careful, Superbia, that you do not allow your argument to slip from logic to prejudice.  They are sentient beings.  Yes, they are immature as a race.  Yes, they lack the technology we possess.  They are a younger species.  At the moment, they are simple and naive, like adolescents.  So are the Ketos Megas, but we treat them with respect and freedom.  I am confident that Humanity will rise to its potential, if only given the opportunity." "Ketos Megas!" exclaimed Superbia, waving her hands out in exasperation.  "Ketos Megas don't wage war with one another.  And we are not talking of treating humans like we treat Ketos Megas.  We don't share our technology with Ketos Megas; we treat them like pets!  We are talking about sharing our technology, our culture, our wisdom; we are talking about elevating humans to the same level as Proteans.  And you are not so naive to not realize where that will lead.  We are talking, ultimately, of mingling Protean blood with that of a race that is barely beyond the Simia.  And that abomination simply cannot be allowed to happen!" Caretta sighed and looked down at her hands.  Once again, Superbia was becoming emotional about her position, and Caretta could see that nothing would be resolved at that moment.  She remained silent as she considered her options.

"You know I'm right," pleaded Superbia. "Why won't you vote with us, with the Realists?" Caretta looked at the Seal of Proteus in the center of the oval-shaped table, then up at Superbia and smiled warmly.  "My oldest and dearest friend, I do love and respect you.  But, I will not vote either way.  Both Altruists and Realists have become too fundamental and entrenched about a complex topic that demands more.  A vote in either direction right now would split the Republic, and we would descend into a civil schism.  They only way is to continue the debate until we can find a way that is agreeable to all." Superbia stood and looked down at Caretta and sadly understood what she must do next.  There was more than just the Republic at stake; it was their way of life that was in danger.  Caretta was being foolish and short-sighted.  Although she claimed no allegiance, she was the most altruistic of all of them, and foolishly so.  The Human Issue would soon become the Human Problem, and then the Human Threat.  It had to be dealt with now, preemptively, not to harm, but to control.  She wiped her emotions from her face, concealed her thoughts from being heard, and smiled warmly back at Caretta. "You are right, as usual, my Sovereign." Superbia bowed her head at Caretta and then smiled tersely.  "If I may be excused, I have pressing business in my district to which I must attend." Caretta's brow furrowed slightly at the formality in Superbia's tone.  She looked at her childhood friend, and felt both saddened and somewhat irritated   "There is another debate scheduled for tomorrow.  We can surely talk more then, Superbia." Superbia nodded graciously, bowed, and formally backed up three steps before turning her back to her Sovereign and walking out of the Room of Debate, leaving Caretta with her thoughts. As she walked through the long Navis that led from the Room of Debate to the covered Narthem of the Convene, a dark shape slid from behind one of the support pillars and slithered up to her side. "Well?  How did it go?" asked a low, gravelly voice. "She remains unmoved," whispered Superbia.   "Then we must move forward with our plans," rumbled the voice. "I am not quite as eager as you are, to simply supplant a millennia-old Republic.  Caretta is right about one thing; half of Proteus sides with the Altruists.  Anything we do must be done in a way that shifts their allegiance and belief to that of the Realists.  Otherwise, we will simply divide ourselves." "Then what do you suggest?" "We must make it clear to everyone that humans are dangerous, and not to be trusted.  It must happen in a way that proves they need to be controlled, and aligns all of Proteus to our cause.  But it cannot do any real damage, no loss of Protean life." "What about human life?" "I am against killing, any killing," said Superbia, looking away at the Seal of Proteus in the stained glass window overhead. Then she looked back at the figure and stated flatly, "We need physical proof." "Indeed," smiled the figure.  "Proof." Superbia lifted her left hand to her mouth, and spoke at the silver bracelet she was wearing, "Notify Avaritia and Socordia, to meet us at the Pillars in two days time."  The silver bracelet unfurled itself into a small, silver water dragon, opened its wings, and leapt into the air to deliver its master's message.  Superbia watched it fly out the open door to the Navis. Superbia then regarded dark figure, and said, "Gather Asmodeus, Gula and Ira.  Playing with the Kentron Generator is dangerous, and I want to be sure everyone is aligned and understands what we are proposing.  We only need two votes from the Altruists; Caritas and Humilitas are the most likely to turn.  But I want everyone to side with us.  Everyone.  All the Realists must agree to your plan before we move forward." "Excellent." rumbled the voice. "And, one more thing," Superbia turned and grabbed the dark figure's arm, "Do not forget yourself.  Although you may covet my seat on the Synod, it is mine.  Do not think for a moment that I am blind to your desires and ambition, your envy."  She drew out the last word slowly, like a long blade from its sheath.  "But you are not me.  As long as I sit, I will make the decisions for the Realists.  Are we clear on that point?" "Of course," the dark figure smiled broadly, and chuckled low and deep, and, smiling directly into Superbia's eyes, reached over and carefully plied her fingers from his arm.  Then, he bowed his head slightly. "MiDame." Superbia regarded the figure for a moment.  Then, without another word, she raised her chin, turned and strode out of the Convene and into the glare of the noonday sun. The dark figure watched her leave, and chuckling to himself, slowly walked out the side entrance.  

It was silent for a moment in the dark, cool hall.  Then, from an unlit corner of the Navis, a small, cloaked figured emerged from the shadows and rushed toward the Room of Debate.

"Meredith!" Meredith looked up in a fog.  Sam was standing over her, holding her shoulders. "Wha...?" Stammered Meredith,  "I saw.  I heard."  She pointed drunkenly at the orange, glowing eggs. "You were in some kind of weird trance, or something, girl," said Sam.  She furrowed her brow and looked at Maya for an explanation.  "What the fuck, Maya?" "Sam," said Maya, "Relax, okay?  It's alright.  She's fine.  She just connected to the daemons in the pods.  Give her some time to process what she saw, and she'll tell us later." Then Maya looked at the rest of the harvesters. "Papa Gill and I will mentor each of your through your Rushes.  There's nothing to worry about.  What we need to focus on is getting these pods out of here; the cruiser isn't a safe place anymore.  I need to know that you've heard what I've told you, and that you're up to the task" Maya looked around the room at each harvester and said, "Are you up to the task?"   As she looked around, each harvester nodded in agreement. Maya sighed heavily and said, "You make me proud." Then Sam broke in, "Maya, there's one question that no one has asked, and I know everyone is thinking." "What is it, Sam?" Sam paused and looked around the room.  Then, she focused her gaze on Meredith. "Where did that shark-thing come from, and why did it go after Meredith, and leave the rest of us alone?"  Sam looked directly at Maya, waiting for an answer that did not come.