#but he just carried all this weight from such a young age and he didnt know how to handle it himself

[poems-of-a-lover]

do u guys ever think abt the fact that henry lived for years feeling this incredibly heavy and painful weight of sadness and guilt and loneliness and he just held onto that because everyone around him just ignored it bc he put on a good face for the public. do u ever think abt that.

[softesttangerines]

Lately, i've been so into the evil!shanks theory which gives for angsty headcanons that end up unresolved lol

Anyways, since I'm mostly new to the fandom i didnt know it was an ongoing theory untill i told my friend about it yesterday and she was like yep, congrats, you figured one of the fandom's longest running theories.

In everyone's defense, he's super shady, also the latest scene with him checking luffy's latest bounty was chill inducing, like i'm genuinely not feeling my man here lol.

Anyways, there goes something.

Mishanks dont work out, the longing and yearning is there but they both know that in this life, there's no chance for them to happen.

For all the reputation that red shanks has as this ultimate nice dude for a pirate, who's so strong but above all is a peace maker and thrives for it, Mihawk knows him best. He's been the most intimate with him since their young age.

When he meet the young boy after Roger's execution, the kid was just full of anger and rage none would associate with today's Shanks. Sure, everyone knew not to provoke a lion now but also he happened to grow up into a man that knows how to handle and conceal his emotions, not like the 15 years old kid that couldnt help but show the darkness in his expression.

Mihawk back then chucked it to the death of a parent figure of the boy. His idea of cheering him up was by distracting him with a duel once he saw the sword Shanks carried.

For the short period from their mid' and late teenagehood, Shanks went back to what Mihawk assumed he used to be before the loss he suffered. A happy go lucky, mischievous little pirate gremlin. The boy seemed to really enjoy his duels with Mihawk and keeps on pestering him about meeting more often to which Mihawk couldn't help but to oblige due to fondness he grew for the red head.

When Shanks turned nineteen, it was like something shifted. It felt like the boy was indulging himself a liberty he couldn't afford for so long and now he snapped out of it. They still met as often, they still had their duels but something was wrong with his boy, the underlying darkness he met in the 15years old long ago was back, much more subtle but it was still there nonetheless. Something about him looked as if he was shouldering the weights of the world.

Mihawk, as much as he wanted to reach out, to try and understand, he thought better against it. Shanks was a grown up now, and if he wanted Mihawk in, he wouldnt act like the little pupp he used to be.

Years went by, and the two went through long periods of not meeting, from a year to a couple of years. Mihawk busy beating everyone for the title of the best, feeding Yoru what she thirsts for, a capable opponent and a worthy challenger. While Shanks, taking to the seas with his crew.

Busy, whenever they met, Shanks always seemed satisfied, telling him he's so close to what he's looking for. Mihawk didn't know what the boy was looking for but if it's making him happy he wont question it.

That was untill the day Shanks lost his arm. Seeing the vivre card burn, Mihawk never felt such urgency and panic before. He wasn't a fool, a pirate life meant your life could end any minute and yet, he never had a reason to not trust Shanks to be strong enough and stay alive or the red force to give everything for their captain. When he got to him, Shanks seemed barely bothered by the loss of the limb, in fact, he seemed in quite the mood, like a cat that got the last drop of milk. "I've betted all i have and left it for fate, my friend, and i have a feeling fate is on my side this time." He said to him, the darkness from before there, this time with a glint of madness.

Mihawk wasn't one to be scared, but he'd be lying is he said he wasn't right now. Not for his life, never. But of what Shanks was becoming, what has become of his boy, untill when was he gonna pretend that Shanks wasn't plotting something in the dark that would undoubtedly be the ruin of them.

Mihawk always knew that what they have was time limited, and maybe it was time for it to expire. He had no interest in whatever Shanks is getting up to. He could ruin the whole world and he wouldn't stop him, but he doesnt necessarily want to be involved. He has always been relatively lazy and barely had any interest on things that weren't swords, wine or a certain red head. World demise schemes were nothing he signed up for, unless Shanks asked him to? Because he would join him if asked, he'd do anything, but Shanks didnt ask and Mihawk didnt and wont offer either.

+

Shanks might be fooling a little boy with a straw hat and the entire world with him but he wasn't fooling Mihawk. Shanks knew all they had was borrowed time but for now, he'd enjoy it before he would run out of time.

In the near future, much more important things would need his attention, and the swordsman would be but a warm memory he'd rather not tarnish.

[amozon28]

Spy x Family has done a really good job when it comes to slow burn developing all its characters and world building while still keeping the story interesting and enganging. and with the slow but steady way the characters and plot is being developed its clear to me that Endo has plans for this to be a long term series.

And while this type of story telling is very obvious with Twilight slowly letting his walls down around his family and falling inlvoe with his wife and loving his daughter through as his denials and “for the mission”s he tells himself i actually want to talk about Yor a bit here because her development is far more subtle.

for how happy and loving Yor is its very easy to forget or not notice how incredibly sad her life has been. she didnt get a chance at a childhood because at  very young age she had to become a parent to her younger brother, so much so that she developed her entire life around him. and once he became an adult and didnt need her anymore, she didnt have a life of her own.

and this is where we meet her at the beginning of the series, having no real friends, being told constantly by her coworkers that shes not normal, living in humble furnishings and only owning practical clothing despite having the money to treat herself and live comfortably. and shes still being an assassin despite not needing to provide for her brother.

and this is something she directly confronts during the cruise arc when theres a moment when she thinks she may die, and is at peace with it because up until this point her entire reason for existing, caring for her brother, had been fulfilled. and while she realizes shes still needed by her fake family, that isnt really a healthy substitute for how she values her life

and at first a lot of her development is around her insecurities around her new role as a mother and wife. which is understandable given the time period and the comments she has recieved from coworkers and others that see her as “lacking” in that regard. however everytime she expresses this Loid reassures her shes perfectly fine, and infact she stops thinking this way after the park bench conversation she has with Loid after knocking him out.

this panel is especially interesting to be because it really highlights WHY Yor has so many insecurities about what others think of her, she spent so much of her childhood alone and working instead of playing with other kids her age or having parents to take care of her. shes doesnt have a lot of socialization skills to help her navigate throught the world. its honestly why i think she clings to the title of “mother” and “wife” so hard because those roles has rules and expectations for how to act that she can figure out. but when it comes to just being “Yor” she doesnt know how shes supposed to be

which is why im REALLY excited for the future arcs involving the Ladys Patriot Society. Because all these ladys love Yor for being HERSELF, they praise her for her mothering skills, they think shes awesome and funny and sweet and genuinely enjoy her company. even when she fails or makes mistakes they dont put her down, because everyone makes mistakes thats normal

Yor has been the sole provider for her and her brother, and being in a league of assassins is mainly a solo job. she doesnt know how to work with others and always thinks she needs to carry her own weight, which is where a lot of her insecurities about not measuring up and having such a low sense of self worth comes from. but the ladys clubs dont treat her like that

im so excited so see how Yors arc of self worth outside of what she can “provide” for other people and just learnt o love herself as she is.

[maimreddwhite]

reunion and turnabout spoilers

ok if someone put a gun to my head and told me that i had to choose who i thought, in my opinion, was the most tragic and fucked up ace attorney character, i would without hesitation say mimi miney. her life was filled with so much tragedy, pain, and suffering that its insane.

first things first, she was working in a shitty abusive workplace for god knows how long. they were mistreating her, overworking her, and turner grey was definitely not a caring boss. being exposed to that on its own can fuck someone up, but theres even more.

they have overworked her and exhausted her to the point where she cant even think straight, to the point where she cant even do her job correctly. so, some medications get mixed up, and she has to slowly realise that the patients under her care were dying. she will now have to carry the weight of that for the rest of her life. the lives of the 14 people; as well as the 14 families and friends of those people.

along with this, she also had to deal with legal shit. interviewers, police, people blaming her, news reporters, people showing up to her work, grey trying to pin the blame on her even though he was the one who caused the whole thing.

now, even though your life is absolutely horrible at the moment, there are at least two good things. first of all, you have a younger sister who cares about you, and you have an expensive car that you probably worked for so long to get.

unfortunately, she looses both those facts simply because of how stressed out and exhausted she was. her sister, someone who shes spent the past two decades living with, someone her, as an older sibling, were at least partially responsible for, dies a horrible death in that fire. i would also like to add that ini miney had the shortest lifespan out of any ace attorney character in the entire franchise. she was literally 20 years old. she died very young.

mimi would definitely feel responsible for this as she refused to let ini take over driving for her, a mistake which seemed harmless enough, she didnt intend to kill anybody, but look where that landed her.

im not even going to get into the physical pain but having your entire fucking face burnt off sounds. painful!

anyway, you thought shes been through enough, and that this entire experience has probably done an insane amount of damage on her. but no, she wakes up in that hospital, alive, and she looks in the mirror and shes forced to relive the guilt of that incident, shes forced to carry a reminder of it, everywhere she goes.

now, just think for a second about how terrifying becoming your dead sibling is. first of all, she does not get a chance to grieve properly. everybody around her, her friends, family, everybody she knew, was grieving mimi miney. she would have to watch as everyone she knows cries for someone who, in her eyes, doesnt even deserve it. nobody mourns the person who is dead, and you are the only one who can miss ini. you cant talk about ini to anybody. naturally this would fuck up the grieving process just a little.

hopefully mimi liked inis friends because those were the people she would have to hang out with for ages on end, and what if ini had a partner? would mimi just have to continue a relationship she feels nothing about? she would have to take every aspect of her sisters life, even the aspects she hates, and that would basically be her entire life.

being forced to constantly be around things that remind you of death, and things that remind you of your sister probably did not do wonders for you either! fast forward about a year of living in this absolute misery, and your old boss, somebody who caused every terrible thing that youve gone through, someone yoyve tried to distract yourself from, has now come into your life.

hes, all of a sudden, asking her about spirit channeling and if she could reccomend any. why? because he wants to threaten mimi at gunpoint to sign something that absolves him of all responsibility. shes angry, of course, but she cant show it. she cant show anything. obviously, she accepts, and she panics. she wouldnt know what to do it the truth came out, because then she would have to face herself, her guilt, and what she did.

while shes murdering grey, i would like to point out that ini mineys face is the last thing turner grey ever sees. the woman that he played a big role in killing, she murders him.

anyway, after the trial, for the first time in an entire fucking YEAR she has the ability to be mimi miney again. in that past year, a lot of fuckedup and traumatising things happened to her, so the logical conclusion would be to get some therapy, try to heal from her grief, beco-oh wait shes in prison. she goes through trauma after trauma and the place where she ends up? fucking jail!!!!!!!!! my girl doesnt need jail she needs.......idfk but NOT THAT!!!

this concludes my...*cough*....SMALL RAMBLE on why i think mimi miney is a very fucked up and tragic character. also i am of the belief that turner grey deserved to die.

[lavellander]

hello im feeling extra “touch the stove”-y today so. i was looking for any dialogue where solas just straight up lies and (of what i could find online/transcribed, obv) i didnt find anything that was 100% untrue. he’ll completely avoid the question, change the subject, give part of the truth, etc etc etc, but nothing was just Entirely A Lie

what really gets me is that there’s a handful of convos where someone infers something from what solas says, and he will even point out that he didn’t directly say that. like, he tells people how to see through his shit, lmao

here is an embarrassingly long ass list of examples, all sorted by what kind of not-lying he’s doing lol, just bc i am unhinged<3

*note that some of these are cut from longer bits of dialogue or have been split up from one conversation into different categories*

literally just Not Answering The Question lol

Dorian: How much “will” do they have? They’re amorphous constructs of the Fade. Solas: Hmm.

Dorian: Solas, have I offended you? Solas: If you have, why would it concern you?

Dorian: Solas, what is this whole look of yours about? Solas: I’m sorry? Dorian: No, that outfit is sorry. What are you supposed to be, some kind of woodsman? Dorian: Is it a Dalish thing? Don’t you dislike the Dalish? Or is it some kind of statement? Solas: No.

Dorian: Let me get this straight, Solas. Dorian: You’re an apostate – neither Dalish nor city elf – who lived alone in the woods studying spirits. Solas: Is that a problem for you?

Solas: [has a whole tactical moment about the red jennies lmao] Sera: Where d’you get all this, then? Solas: Do you wish to be unnerved by another tale of my explorations of the Fade? Or do you wish to learn something?

Vivienne: You must be pleased with what was revealed at the Temple of Mythal, Solas. Solas: Why should those ruins please me, Enchanter?

changing the subject before he backs himself into a corner

Gatt: I don’t see any tattoos, but you’re carrying a staff. Are you from a Chantry Circle? Solas: No. And I would prefer not to discuss it.

Solas: I find the fall of the dwarven lands confusing. Varric: What’s so confusing about endless darkspawn? Solas: A great deal, although that is a different matter.

giving the truth, but not the whole truth

Blackwall: Skyhold. How did you find it? Solas: I looked. Blackwall: Now you sound like Cole. You looked? Solas: This world is full of wonders for those who seek them.

Blackwall: You spoke of seeing death and destruction. Did you fight in a war? Solas: There are struggles across Thedas at any given time. I doubt you would have heard of it. Blackwall: An elven skirmish? Solas: In a manner of speaking, yes.

Cassandra: Solas, have you always lived alone? Out in the wilderness, as an apostate? Solas: For the most part.

Cassandra: Have you ever encountered templars before? Solas: Only at a distance. I am an apostate, after all. Cassandra: And they never caught you even once? Solas: I am a very careful apostate.

Dorian: We found elves, living ancient elves, at the Temple of Mythal. Does that bother you, Solas? If Inquisitor allied with the Sentinels: Solas: I am pleased we were not forced to kill them, if that’s what you mean.

Iron Bull: You’ve got an odd style, Solas. Your spells are a bit different from the Circle mages or the Vints. Solas: That comes from being self-taught. Solas: I discovered most of my magic on my own, or learned it from my journeys in the Fade.

Vivienne: So, an apostate? Solas: That is correct, Enchanter. I did not train in your Circle.

Solas: You are a man who made a choice... possibly the first of your life. Iron Bull: I’ve always liked fighting. What if I turn savage, like the other Tal-Vashoth? Solas: You have the Inquisition, you have the Inquisitor... and you have me.

from cutscene at beginning Inquisitor: [mentions the anchor closing a rift] Solas: Whatever magic opened the Breach in the sky also placed that mark upon your hand. I theorized the mark might be able to close the rifts that have opened in the Breach's wake – and it seems I was correct.

from cutscene at beginning Solas: [to a Dalish Inq] You are Dalish, but clearly away from the rest of your clan. Did they send you here? Inquisitor: What do you know of the Dalish? Solas: I have wandered many roads in my time, and crossed paths with your people on more than one occasion. Inquisitor: [Crossed paths? dialogue choice] Solas: I mean that I offered to share knowledge, only to be attacked for no greater reason than their superstition.

from “I’d like to know more about you” convo in Haven Inquisitor: What made you start studying the Fade? Solas: I grew up in a village to the north. There was little to interest a young man, especially one gifted with magic. But as I slept, spirits of the Fade showed me glimpses of wonders I had never imagined. I treasured my dreams. Being awake, out of the Fade, became troublesome.

actually telling the truth but no one picks up on the gravity of it

Solas: [...] I believe the elven gods existed, as did the old gods of Tevinter. But I do not think any of them were gods, unless you expand the definition of the word to the point of absurdity. I appreciate the idea of your Maker, a god that does not need to prove his power. I wish more such gods felt the same. Cassandra: You have seen much sadness in your journeys, Solas. Following the Maker might offer some hope. Solas: I have people, Seeker. The greatest triumphs and tragedies this world has known can all be traced to people.

Cole: No, inside. I don’t hear your hurt as much. Your song is softer, subtler, not silent but still. Solas: How small the pain of one man seems when weighted against the endless depths of memory, of feeling, of existence. That ocean carries everyone. And those of us who learn to see its currents move through life with their fewer ripples.

Cole: You didn’t do it to be right. You did it to save them. Inquisitor: Solas, what is Cole talking about? Solas: A mistake. One of many made by a much younger elf who was certain he knew everything.

Solas: Empires rise and fall. Arlathan was no more “innocent” than your own Tevinter in its time. Solas: Your nostalgia for the ancient elves, however romanticized, is pointless.

Solas: Our people used to be here. Sera: Pfft, you say that everywhere. Solas: It is more true than you want to believe.

Vivienne: You must be pleased, apostate. With the Templars dissolved, your rebels will be most difficult to pacify. Solas: My rebels? Am I an agent for their cause, whispering poison into the Inquisition’s ears? Solas: How comforting. Vivienne: You enjoy seeing yourself as a villain? Solas: No more than any other clever man who wonders what he could do if pushed.

Vivienne: [about the Temple of Mythal] Now you know the elves were once a mighty nation. Solas: I always knew, Enchanter. The Temple of Mythal is just another reminder of what was lost.

(in the Emerald Graves): These forests have changed much since I was last here.

during the Fade!Haven cutscene Solas: It seems you hold the key to our salvation. You had sealed it with a gesture... and right then, I felt the whole world change. Inquisitor: [romance option] “Felt the whole world change?” Solas: A figure of speech. Inquisitor: I’m aware of the metaphor. I’m more interested in felt. Solas: You change... everything.

pointing out that people assume he means things he did not directly say

Cole: There is pain though, still within you. Solas: And I never said there was not.

Solas: You may well become fully human, after all. I never thought to see it. Cole: When did you see it before? Solas: I did not say that I had.

Iron Bull: We’ve got the alliance with my people. Given how much you love the Qun, I figured... Solas: I might scold you? Berate you for your decisions? Iron Bull: Hey. The Chargers died as heroes for the good of the mission. Solas: I never said otherwise.

Sera: Don’t you start. Solas: I’m reasonably certain I said nothing.

Vivienne: [talking shit about grey warden mages] Solas: I never claimed mages should be above the law, Enchanter. Vivienne: No, darling. You merely implied it, while offering no viable suggestions for improvement.

after infamous “side benefits” dialogue Warrior Inquisitor: You find my muscles enjoyable? Solas: I meant that you enjoyed having them, presumably. Warrior Inquisitor: Ah. Solas: But yes... since you asked.

diminishing things he does actually know by saying he he “believes” or “thinks,” or that things were vaguely “said” or “told”

Solas: I say what I believe to be true, even if it gives offense to those who prefer the lie.

Dorian: That orb Corypheus carries... are you certain it’s of elven origin, Solas? Solas: I believe so. Why do you ask?

Solas: It is said that we lived at a pace that sustained us for... ages.

making it sound like he’s talking about something/someone else, but it’s just him lmao

Cole: Do you know a lot about wolves? Solas: I know that they are intelligent, practical creatures that small-minded fools think of as terrible beasts.

Solas: No man can kill so many people without breaking inside. To survive... those you fight must become monsters. Iron Bull: The ones that kill innocent people, yeah. The rest... I don’t know. Solas: The mind does marvelous things to protect itself.

during In Hushed Whispers Inquisitor: I’m glad you understood what he just said because I’m not sure I did. Solas: You would think such understanding would stop me from making such terrible mistakes. You would be wrong.

misc

this one i wanted to include because it’s the only circumstance (that i came across) where someone directly asks solas to lie and he literally says he can’t

during the fucking crestwood breakup scene Inquisitor: [angry option] Tell me you don’t care. Solas: I can’t do that. Inquisitor: Tell me I was some casual dalliance so I can call you a cold-hearted son of a bitch and move on! Solas: I’m sorry.

*also note that most of these are banter transcriptions from the wiki; some are cutscene / other dialogue posted by either @/daitranscripts or u/karinini on reddit; it’s not all his cutscenes obv, but I’m not about to look up every single one individually sdlkfj*

[btswishes]

BTS: Reaction to their 16 year old sister not eating enough to lose weight.

A/N:  This is something I don’t recommend anyone doing. Take it as experience from someone who was in that hole. No matter what anyone tells you, you are beautiful and gorgeous. You don’t have to look like anyone else because you are one of a kind. Stay like that. :)

Requested by:  Anonymous 

Request: “  Hello! Can you do a bts reaction to their 16 year old sister being insecure and not eating much to lose weight? Thank you💜 “

                       -----------------------------------------------------------

Jin:

  Jin will try to cook for you the best meals he can think of and find. He will make sure they are healthy and full of nutrients, that they are super tasty, filling and new. “These are all healthy, have plenty vegetables, so you don’t have to worry about anything. You are just 16, I was your age too thinking of stuff like that. Beauty standards are a lie sweetie, you are beautiful by being unique. We will start slow, eat as much as you can now and we will work our way up till you are comfortable. Oppa is with with you, since day one and till day 0.”

Min Yoongi:

  Yoongi is one to observe quietly, but never late to react when the situation is important. And this one was of the highest priority to him, since it was about his darling sister. He would wait for your parents to leave the house and sit down next to you. 

  “Hey there. Are you hungry?” once you say no, he will comment how skinny you have gotten “ Look, I know what you are doing. I am not here to yell or get angry at you. It’s not your fault princess and don’t feel weak for not being able to control it. Things like these happen to the best of us, we are humans. It might be hard to ask for help or open up about it now, but you know I am here for you. “ he would pull out his car keys “How about we go get some milk tea and maybe a cookie or few if you are in the mood? You can get the drink only if you want to, no need to force yourself. If you want to getting something else, tell me. Big bro makes too much money and he can’t use it all up, so you have to help me out. Ok?”

Jung Hoseok: 

  Hoseok is a happy and go lucky boy. He has hard times ,but for the people around himself he wants to be that pill of happiness and motivation. Hobbi would pull you onto his lap and run his hand through your hair “How is my little princess doing? Is she happy? Does she need some love from her brother?” he would rub his head onto you “There, transferred some.Did you get it yet?” Hoseok won’t stop till you giggle “ There is that sweet voice I wanted to hear. What has you feeling like this my little angel? Ah, you don’t have to tell me if you don’t feel ready. We have all the time in the world, so take as much as you need.” his hand would pull your head onto his chest “You know, you were a picky eater since a little bean. I remember cutting myself, making characters out of your food. You seemed to eat it only like that. If you ever feel like you cant do something, come find me.I will always make it fun for the most beautiful and unique princess in the world. How about big bro makes you some fun snacks? We can eat them together and watch a good movie?”

Kim Namjoon:

  Joon is one to do his research before engaging in a talk with you. He would look up all he can find about these situations and what the proper way to handle them would be. “ I got this snack today and I couldn’t finish it by myself. Would you like some?” your eyes scanned it fast and hesitated. It looked delicious but the thoughts were eating you up from the inside “The weather seems nice today, how about we go take a walk while you snack on this? Get in a bit of exercise.” those words hooked you and you agreed in seconds. The sun shined on your skin softly as you were genuinely enjoying the food “ Do you see that tree? It’s pretty isn’t it.” you agreed with your big brother “What if I told you that people don’t think it is.” your eyebrows frowned as you spoke “ But it’s too young to tell, I am sure when it grows more it will have beautiful flowers or fruits.” Namjoon knelt next to you, running his hand over your cheek “ The same way you are the only one who can see the true beauty the tree is hiding, I do too. You are my tiny little tree, I want to keep you safe and make sure you grow up strong. Don’t try to look like other plants.” his finger tapped your chest “You carry your own beauty right in here. You might not see it but with time you will be able to see what has been in front of my eyes. You might find it difficult right now, but reach out to me when you feel down, don’t do this to yourself. I am always here for my princess.”

Park Jimin:

  Jimin is special in this situation. As someone with body-dysmorphia, he would notice your behavior fast. The same signs he showed, the same habits that took him ages to get rid off. He knows oh to well how fast one could fall into that abyss. Jimin wanted to stop this as soon as possible. After he notices things getting bad ,he would walk into your room with some food. When you lie to him about having eaten Jimin would drop the plate on the floor, tears pooling in his eyes. “B-brother?” His knees hitting the floor, hands gripping onto yours as his eyes look up at you “I know I should be your role model, I know oh too well. I failed myself once, I don’t want you to do the same. Please baby girl don’t look at the fashion trends or people that tell you looking one way is the norm.It’s NOT, it will never be. You are so young, so pretty and so smart. I don’t want you to be in the same dark hole I was in. You are worth so much more. It starts with eating less and less, then the regret hits, the fear, the anxiety. It eats you up my angel. I beg of you, don’t do it. Believe in me, let me help you. Please.” seeing your brother cry like this, hearing the words coming from the depths of his heart ,made you cry as you reached out for a piece of fruit he brought for you.

Kim Taehyung:

 Tae likes to laugh, giggle make all kinds of jokes.But in this situation his mind just went blank with panic. He didnt know what to say or do, even though he wanted to immediately. His mind wandered for days until something came up in his mind. “Y/N, get dressed we are going out.” you didn’t know what was happening, but you followed your brother “Where are we going?”you skipped next to him ”To a fashion show.” and he was honest. There were all kinds of people there and you were amazed. The models walked passed you one by one. After it was all over ,Tae grabbed your hand and pulled you backstage. He looked at your shining eyes “What do you see honey?” “Diversity.” came out of your lips “Dark skin, light skin, mixed, curvy or skinny, tall or short, man or women. No one here is the same, but they are all beautiful. Just like you.”He waved at a woman that smiled back brightly and ran over “Hey Yana, this my little sister. The one I told you about.” the woman’s skin softly tinted as dark coffee, she was shining brighter than any diamond. Curves for days and a smile such as the stars. “Oh my I was about to say she is too pretty to be your sister. Want a cookie honey?” you hesitated, but Yana put it in your hand “You need to eat something sweetie there is more don’t even worry about it. You want they say thick thighs save lives.You need to eat to  able to save. Come I will introduce you to everyone else.” They all looked different and beautiful, just like you.

Jungkook:

 Jungkook comes off aggressive at times, but in this situation he would do what he things is best and ask his hyungs for help. He would want all the help he can get. Namjoon will gather info, Hobi, Jungkook and Tae would try to show you the beauty in everything. Jimin with his experience. Suga and Jin would be a tag duo. At the end of the day all 7 of them will be with you no matter what. “Hey, mind if I sit here?” Kookie would push you a bit to the side and plop himself next to you on the couch “ I know I sometimes don’t have much time to spend with you. I just want you to know that no matter what I will first and forever be your big brother. I don’t know if someone told you something, but the Jeon genes are too strong so people get jealous of our beauty and strength. My words sound out of the blue right now, but I hope you would remember them when you look in the mirror next time. It’s not just me that sees this, ask anyone from bangtan and they will agree with me. You look like this because all these features look the best on you and only my pretty little princess. You are my special little sister, when people finally notice how gorgeous and kind you are, I will have to beat them up.” his words made you giggle “I mean it! No boys even after 50!” Jungkook swung a punch in the air “Brother!” 

[thechangeling]

Be wise enough to wonder. Be brave and let it go.

Mark had no idea what time it was when he was woken up by the sound of his daughter crying. He heard an exhausted groan beside him as Cristina moved to pull herself up. Mark put a hand on her shoulder to stop her.

"No it's alright," he whispered, his voice hoarse from sleep. "I'll go."

Two months ago Cristina had given birth to their first daughter. Her name was Gianna She was the biological product of Kieran and Cristina with her pointy ears and blue hair that changed with her moods, and Tina's chestnut coloured eyes and copper skin. But the trio fully considered her to be theirs. Blood was unimportant.

Mark was half asleep as he stumbled his way down to the room they had set up Gianna's crib in. He missed Kieran and he knew Cristina did as well. Kier was currently stuck in Faerie with his royal responsibilities. Cristina and Mark were visiting the LA institute to help with a recent uptake in demon activity around the area. It was amazing to see his siblings again (minus Ty, he was in Devon visiting Kit since the two of them were now dating long distance.) However he knew it was strange for Gigi to be sleeping in an unfamiliar environment.

Hence lots of crying.

Mark heard his daughter's crying getting softer as he came to the doorway. He could also hear another voice, cooing to her, calming her down. As he got closer he could see it was Helen. Mark smiled at the sight of his big sister gently rocking his daughter in her arms.

"Thank you" he whispered, trying not to startle her or wake Gianna. Helen was wearing her sleep clothes, with her hair tied back. There were also very prominent dark circles under her eyes.

"You should get some rest" Mark said as forcefully as he could without raising his voice. "Seriously you look exhausted Len, hand her over and he back to bed." Helen just gave him a stern look. The one that she used to use when he was trying to sneak extra cookies as a kid, or the first time she caught him trying to come home past curfew after being out at a downworlder party that he was way too young for.

The funny thing was that even though Helen had started calling Eleanor "mom" around the age of 8, Mark had never been able to do it. It had absolutely nothing to do with an attachment to his birth mother. He barely remembered her. Maybe it was because he had always had someone looking out for him since day one, and that person wasn't Nerissa or Eleanor.

And it certainly wasn't his father.

I think you're punishing yourself, is what Helen had told him one night. You're punishing yourself for being different, so you won't let yourself get attached.

Helen placed Gigi back in her crib and put her hands on Mark's shoulders. "Sweetheart you are more exhausted then I am" she reprimanded him gently. "You and Cristina both need help and I'm more than happy to do it." Mark put his hand over hers, gripping onto Helen to avoid passing out.

"She has Kieran too remember?" He insisted firmly. "Just because he isn't here right now doesn't mean that he's not her dad too." Helen's eyes widened.

"Oh no! No that wasn't what I was saying at all." She said frantically. Her voice was starting to slur a little like she was drunk. She really needed to go to sleep. "I was just trying to be useful you know? Like I always used to when we were younger."

Mark knew what she was referring to. When the twins were born, in order to help out Eleanor and their dad, Mark and Helen starting taking care of them so their parents could get more sleep. Julian was still very young, only two, so it was up to them as the older siblings to step up.

Livvy was a relatively easy baby. She cried when she was hungry or needed changing, and then she was fine. She was pretty good at sleeping through most of the night as well. Ty on the other hand was not. When he was drinking formula from the bottle he would only ever take a little and then refuse to eat any more. This lead to him always being hungry half an hour later and as a result, not sleeping for very long.

The family would take shifts when looking after the twins to avoid being too exhausted. But there were some nights where Ty would just refuse to sleep and nobody knew why. Eleanor wanted to go to the silent brothers, but thankfully Helen had talked her out of it.

He's just different, she had said. It's fine, we will figure it out.

At a certain point Andrew had just refused to try, and Helen and Mark had to step in. Unfortunately these were bad habits of Ty's that seemed to have carried over into adulthood. But at least now he could get up and feed himself at 2 in the morning.

Mark shook himself out of his stupor. "No it's ok. I'm sorry. I just worry about you Len" he murmured. Helen shot him a tired smile. "And I you, brother" she replied, slipping into a very fae way of speaking. Mark turned to look at his little girl, who was still sleeping. Thank the angel.

Thank the gods, his brain supplied.

It was interesting thinking about the way she would grow up. It would be so different from Mark and Helen. Gianna had access to Unseelie culture through Kieran, as well as the privilege of being raised by a full blooded faerie. She was already being read fae stories (accurate ones) and sung fae lullabies. She would be taught fae languages by Kieran and Cristina mostly, because as Kieran loved to point out, he was terrible with languages. She would also be taught Spanish and English when she was older.

She would be raised as a shadowhunter and as a faerie in a better, more understanding world that he was trying to help build. Mark couldn't help but be a little envious of her.

He turned back to Helen who hadn't left, but had sat down on the floor, bracing her back against the wall. He sat down beside her.

"Hey" he whispered roughly. "Do you ever feel like we were robbed?"

Helen looked up at him slightly dazed. Her Blackthorn blue-green eyes were starting to glaze over. "Huh?" She muttered sleepily. Helen rubbed her eyes and cleared her throat, trying again. "What do you mean exactly?"

Mark sighed as he slowly felt all of the thoughts and feelings he usually tried to keep buried. He really didn't want to deal with them. Because if he delt with them then he would have to acknowledge what happened, and acknowledging it made it real.

Something that Magnus always said was that you had to go through the pain and not around it, because going through it was the only way to get over it.

Mark took a deep breath and looked Helen in the eye. "I mean think about it. From the moment we arrived at this institute, our father always talked about how evil and wicked and manipulative our mother was. And yes, I would argue from the sound of things he was probably right, but I was four years old and she was the only faerie I had ever known. So it seemed as if everyone around was establishing a baseline of, Faeries. Wicked. Manipulative. Cannot be trusted.

Helen shook her head "but that's not-" Mark interrupted her. "I'm sorry but I'm not done." Helen sighed and looked to be fighting the urge to roll her eyes, but she didn't protest. "Ok fine. Go."

Mark continued. "And the thing is we were bombarded with that information all our lives. From our instructors, from our father, from our peers. So eventually I think you and I started to believe it Len! I think we started to think of ourselves as evil, and in order to not be evil we had to distance ourselves from being fae as much as possible." Mark's voice was beginning to shake.

Helen shook her head. "No I don't think it was that so much as we were trying to prove that we were real shadowhunters. Me personally, I didnt want to be considered a downworlder because I'm not, I'm a shadowhunter. " Helen explained, but her voice sounded unsure. "I didnt want to be treated differently."

Mark chuckled humorously. "But don't you see? We are different! That is precisely my point, and everyone made us feel ashamed of that. Remember how you used to braid your hair like a faerie until girls started making fun of you and trying to pull it out? And then you started wearing your hair to cover your ears. Did you honestly expect me to believe that you preferred the style, sister?" Mark was trying to keep his voice lowered but it was becoming increasingly difficult.

Helen was silent. There was a pause where neither sibling spoke and then Helen's defeated voice. "I don't want to talk about this Mark." He felt a pang of guilt.

"I know. Forgive me please, it was not my intention to upset you." He spoke elegantly. Helen laughed softly. "You know it's weird how much it comforts me, hearing you talk like that" she said.

Mark smiled sadly at her. "But that's exactly my point Helen. I mean think about it? How much did we give up or refuse to pursue just because we were scared? You know I've been reading far stories to Gianna and some of them are actually really incredible. There are stories about brave female warriors who go on adventures to save beautiful princesses and stories of people who couldn't decide which one if their suitors they liked best, so they just chose them all. They are stories about people like us, written for people like us." Mark could feel himself beginning to cry .

Helen reached over silently and placed her hand on his to comfort him. She looked like she was holding back tears as well.

"Imagine" Mark whispered brokenly, tears running down his cheeks. "Imagine what it would have been like if we read stories like those when we were younger.

Helen closed her eyes, trying to block out tears. "We were trying to keep ourselves safe" she whispered. "It was self preservation."

"It was assimilation" Mark said firmly. "And that really wasn't fair." Helen let out a harsh breath.

"And it didn't even do any good," Mark continued. "They still kicked us out."

Helen laughed in spite of the situation. Then let they weight of the conversation wash over them both, soaking them in despair and self pity.

Helen finally broke the silence.

"You know, she began, Magnus Bane loves to share stories about past shadowhunters in a more accurate way because the Clave's records are usually very white and straight washed, and when Aline and I mentioned potentially adopting a child from abroad, he told us a story about this one shadowhunter Ariadne Bridgestock. Apparently she was a lesbian and in a relationship with Anna Lightwood but she was also originally from India. Her parents adopted her and brought her back to England."

Mark shrugged "So? There's nothing inherently wrong with that." Helen gave him another look.

"Well yeah, but the problem was they didn't let her retain anything from her culture and they didn't give her the opportunity to branch out and learn more. They stripped her of all of that and basically taught her to behave like the typical white British girl." Helen readjusted her position, straightening out her back. "He wanted to make sure that if we ended up with a child who had a different cultural background, we would understand the importance of nurturing that connection" she explained.

Mark nodded "Well yes, but Aline would never do anything like that given how important her culture is to her." Helen was silent for a moment.

"Yeah I know. It's just that I'm not exactly the poster girl for self love and acceptance now am I? She said I'm a self pitying tone.

Mark shook his head. "It's not really the same thing though Len" he reasoned.

"No I know that, but it's similar" she mumbled, tiredness seeping into her tone. "Anyways, that's why I'm so happy Gigi has you and Kieran." Helen finally stood up "Especially you. When she feels like her mom is too much of a shadowhunter to get it, and her dad is too much of a faerie to get it, she has her papa to understand her." Helen said wistfully with a smile.

She extended her hand to Mark and pulled him to his feet. They both stared at Gianna who was moving around slightly in her sleep. "Yeah she will be fine" Helen mused softly. "She's got Cristina to teach her spanish and Kieran to teach her faerie. You can tell her stories about the wild hunt and Cristina can tell her stories about living in Mexico." Helen paused, her expression looking a little sad. "Her life is going to be so different from ours."

Mark felt another pang in his chest as well as the boiling of anger beneath his skin.

"How do we get past this?" He whispered. "How do we deal with this Helen? This anger?"

Helen was silent for a moment. Mark turned to face her and noticed she was shaking slightly. Helen gulped and looked up at him.

"We can't feel sorry for ourselves. That gets us nowhere. We need to confront it and then we need to find away to move past it," she said determinedly. "We need to be brave enough to let it go. We can't change the past but what we can do is try and change the way we approach this now. I know it's hard but we can do it." Helen smiled at him "As long as we have each others backs we can get through this."

Mark nodded. "I know. You're right. I want to keep moving forward. I want to learn more, discover more. I want to figure out who I really am." Mark spoke steadily. "The things that happened when we were younger were horrible," he felt his voice breaking again. "It's painful, but we can't just stay on our knees. We have to move on or it'll consume us."

Mark took Helen into his arms and hugged her tightly. She sniffled lightly, wrapping her arms around him. Mark let out a sigh.

"It's ok," he whispered. "I've got you, you're not alone."

You are not the only.

Be wise enough to wonder, be brave and let it go.

Nothing is everlasting.

Have mercy on my soul.

[oh-for-fic-sake]

Undercooked Popcorn

Masterlist

You and Konner have a mini training session in the barn and get in trouble with Clark.

Warnings: fluff, Swearing,

A/n: Here is a small fluff piece I have been working on enjoy XX

Taglist: @iloveyouyen​

After the initial move to Mrs Kent's house they had given you a week to settle in before getting stuck in to your school work. Not only you but konner as well letting you both bond which you had, the both of you had become close...konner had opened up quicker than you had, already secure about his place in the family you on the other hand was less sure. You had a trouble with it you wanted to believe that you was here permanently , that this was it where you belonged but you couldnt help holdingnyour breath still waiting for something to happen. Currently you and konner was in the old barn, you'd both unconsciously decided that it was your hang out, the place you go to escape the adults and get to know one another without the eagle eyes of the others. Somewhere to get away from an overbearing Clark who seemed to take the term mother hen to a whole new level, it wasnt necessarily bad but it was hard for you to go from no one gives a shit to holy shit this guy is consistently fussing over you. You knew he was trying to be inclusive and trying to solidify your place in the family reassuring you, wanting to show you he cared. Which was good youll admit you liked the attention in a way, you'd not had this type of parental guidance for a long long time but you'd didn't realoze how suffocating it was. You also suspected that your injuries had something to do with it aswell, you couldn't exactly fault him for it.

So here you were hiding out in the barn with konner as Clark flitted about the place doing odd chores here and there .Martha had gone out to work and would be home after the lunch rush at work.  You rolled across the blanket that covered the hay pile your lime green cast glowing in the noon sun you winced as the light reflected off of it and shuffled moving it into a shadowed area. Currently you and konner were shareing details about your abilities, something the both of you had avoided and danced around until you got more comfortable with each other.

"Soo you don't make things? You just stretch'em" you nodded at him as he sat above you cross legged on one of the wooden cross beams that spanned the large space.

"Yeah pretty much..I can't touch living things tho, no plants or animals or people" you said glancing at your arm sighing it would have been nice to just fix it but no  you had to wait it out.

"That sucks..." you nodded mournfully but then tilted your head back to get a better look at him.

"So what about you? Your an ET wannabe right?" He laughed flipping you the bird"Fuck you" you giggled as he shook his head jumping down from the beam landing just before you.

"Kryptonian is the politically correct term I think....Well hybrid... I'm half Clarks and... Half human" he said dusting off a little to sit on the hay across from you. You noticed the hesitation and the way he swerved around his own comments. Deciding to leave it be you opted to ignore it, much to Konners relief.

"So can you do all the stuff he can?" Konner smiled and shrugged

"You mean dad? Yeah sort of, I can do most...We are still waiting to see if we're exactly alike but I've got the strength speed and flight....I can do the lazer thing to which is cool but I havent found a practical use for it yet...Or a way to practice that shit is hot." You hummed at him then looked out of the open barn doors to the corn field.

"Corn?" He tilted his head following your gaze confused

"What?" You smiled at him Sitting up letting your arms fall into your lap

"Pop some corn...I mean theres a field right there...." he looked at the rows of corn catiously.

"Popcorn...You want me to use my laser eyes to...Get you a snack? How is that gojng to help me?" You rolled your eyes at him grunting."Oh for fuck sake...get unpopped popcorn and I will throw them in the air and you pop'em with your melty eyes.... you know target practice...And if I happen to catch some with my mouth its a bonus!" He sat up a little it wasn't a bad idea but Clark wouldn't like it.He doesnt like him practicing without him here.

"What about dad? Won't he be pissed?" You laughed and shook your head.

"Not really not like anyone can see us out hear and Clark did say we can practice around the place" Konner's grin fell he was worried that you hadn't really...Adapted? well you had...But you wont refer to the others as Dad and Grandma. As far as he was concered you were his sister already but he just really wanted you to know it was okay...That you really did have a family now. His dad and Grandma had told him not to push but he got the feeling you wanted to...Somethjng was holding you back.

"..You do know he is technically your dad now to right... You can call him dad and you can call Grandma, Grandma they wont be mad....I think they would like that." you sighed looking down, you knew that but it just... You didn't know, was it disrespectful to your real parents? You'd only been here a week? Surely it was to early...Even if it felt right, natural. He waved a hand at you

"You dont have to...I just didn't want you not to.. you know..Incase you thought they didn't want you to thats all, don't want you to have stupid thoughts like that holding you back" you blinked at him smiling sadly

"I-I do but...I still dont think I will be here long...I'm gonna slip up, if I ever accidentally hurt Martha I'm gone"  he frowned at you

"No...If that happens; which I don't think it will, but if it does then we deal with it togethet...you wont get very far if you do run...Me and dad will bring you back home and we talk things out .Thats what family is, we stay together and help each other, your my little sister, the first person my age I don't have to worry about hurting so much. I can relax more around you because you can protect yourself if thing get to much, you think im gonna let you leave over an accident? Fuck no like Dad keeps saying your here now, your a kent and your stuck with us...I hope you see that sooner rather then later it can't be nice always being ready to run" your lip quivered eyes filling with tears as he explained this, the conviction in his voice how he spoke with absolute certainty. Unwilling to cry in front of him you simply nodded to him. Getting the message he patted your arm then disappeared for what seemed like seconds with a small bag of unpopped corn cernals.

"Show off" you sniffed moving to wipe your eyes only to hiss when you cracked yourself on the head with your cast you whined rubbing to sore spot and froze when Konner held out some tissues to you

"I grabbed them inside" you smiled at him meekly. He gave you a soft look, he hated seeing you struggle but he had said what needed to be said, said what he had needed to hear when it was him all those years ago. Quickly he changed his expression and smirked tossing you the bag of popcorn cernals you opened them swiftly still fighting a few tears back then looked around deciding on the safest area to throw them.

"So... Just to clarify if this falls down you will save me right?" he smiled nodding"Of course I will, you will be out of here before it even started falling down" you nodded then took two cernals in hand.

"so one or two?" he smiled and held up a finger. One. you threw it up and shreiked as he tried to ignite it missing ...well you only noticed he missed when you heard the little tap of it hitting the floor you both laughed seeing two tiny holes in the side of the barn. You grabbed another and threw it up he missed again, but he ws closer than before.This carried on for another few minutes with you oth getting excited as he got closer just skimming one, the heat from his vision making it partially pop.

"Oh no that one dont count you didnt hit the fuckjng thing!" He argued

"It popped tho!"  You blinked at him.

"Okay half a point ready to go again?" He fist pumped then nodded readying himslef to go agajn.Finally thirty six cernals later he got it. You both jumped up.

"FUCK YEAH WOO!" You quickly moved to the popped popcorn on the floor dusting it off then ate it, you held up your hands to him chewing slowly as if you was a food critic then shook our head.

"Yep no under cooked" you both stared then burst out into hysterics crying with laughter.

"Lets try two this time!" You nodded moving to the bag pulling two more cernals out of the bag when you turned back round you froze. Shit.

"Why are there singe holes all over this barn?" Konner jumped turning around faceing an unamused Clark, who stood frowning at the both of you with his arms crossed. You and konner shared a look then peered around the barn...There was lots of them.. Some were just peep holes others longer and had charred lines around them. In all the fun youd both forgot where you were, and the barn now looked like it had taken a spray of bullets from a firing squad.

"Well? Konner? Y/n?" You cleared your throat and smoved to stand beside Konner

"Konner was...practicing, training" Clark raised an eyebrow shifti g his weight to one foot.

"Hmm? what exactly? See how he could burn the barn down without setting it on fire?" You both winced at his tone...He really wasnt impressed.

"You know this barn is older then me? It survived me growing up playing in it, yet an afternoon with the both of you and it looks about ready  to keel over?....What were you both doing?" You moved to open your mouth but Clark stopped you holding up a hand.

"And if you try to get smart with me and say training again your going to be grounded for much longer then you already are young lady!" You flinched back. Wow. He had never spoke to you like that...Well not since you met him, he was always so laid back and fun, the type of adult you listened to because they were so chill but who knew he could switch over to no nonsense stern dad so effortlessly... You wavered uncertain how to approach him like this, it had been a while since youd cared about an adults opinion of you and you really didn't want Clark to hate you turning you looked to konner for help.

"Well...we were seeing how accurate my aim was...So y/n was throwing popcorn cernals and I was trying to pop them....I did miss a few times." Clark blinked then scanned the barn. He sighed shaking his head at his son exasperated.

"Konner... We've spoke about this I will take you to the fortress to train, but not here you could hurt yourself!" Clark stopped his scolding when he saw you take a large step infront of konner

"It was my fault I wanted to see so I came up with the idea...He was just trying to cheer me up." You stood firm shaking a little, you didn't like Clark raising his voice, he didn't shout but it was enough to make you nervous of him. He fixed you with a look making you cower from him slightly then sighed shaking his head, he didn't want you to be scared of him.

"Thank you y/n. But even if it was your idea he still knows how I feel about it I'm disappointed in both of you. Your both grounded for the rest of the week, this was very reckless and I don't want to catch either of you doing this again are we clear?" You both nodded to him solonmly resigning yourself to a few days being stuck indoors. He sighed then smiled a little to tell you the truh he was happy in a way, you'd become close and were up to mischief, which was good? You could both be a little reckless and act your age. You both had someone to let loose with. But he couldn't help worrying over the two of you. Had you got to carried away the barn could have collapsed,  yes konner would have most likely got you both out but you were already hurt, already vulnerable and fragile.  He really didn't want to risk anything. Luckily it hadn't come to that and the damage to the barm wasn't that bad... A few new boards and a new cross beam at the top, regular humans would need to dismantle the roof to sort it out but him and konner could have it done in an afternoon, he would also have you help as he had no doubt that you'd encouraged your brother. He smiled chuckling catching the two teens by surprise.

"Popcorn...I mean it was obvious right?..Wish I'd thought of that one...Any way lets start sorting this out befor Ma gets home shouldn't take to long not like the time I-" he caught him slef noticing the looks he was getting.

"What did you do to the barn?" You asked breaking the silence as konner waited both eager to hear what Clark had gotten up to when he was little. He cleared his throat

"Never you mind, now come on get to it, start picking up all that corn the we can see about plugging some of those holes" you shared a look with konner moving slowly collecting the corn as Clark moved to the back of the barn inspecting the damage.

"What do you think he did?" Konner shrugged

"Not sure apparently according to Grandma he was a little goody two shoes so... it couldn't have been that bad"

"Im gonna ask her when she gets back" konner froze and shook his head.

"No dont! Do not do that! We don't wana be in trouble with Grandma ever, dads a piece of piss to deal with but Grandma? She is a different beast altogether...To clever with punishments I mean she perfected her methods on him... She knows what shes doing" you blinked at him.

"We? You mean you I wont get in to much trouble...I mean evidence points to you, your the one with laser eyes." You smirked impishly at him as he looked shocked.

"You'd throw me under the bus? Just like that?" You nodded

"To avoid Martha's wrath abso-fucking-lutly sorry dude but Im not getting sucked into that shit show...Actually....Dont worry I got this she will never know." Befor Either on them could ask you'd closed your eyes then opened. Konner took a step back as they glowed bright. And sure enough the small holed were closeing, you coiled the fibres of the wood around in tight circles until the holes were all coveres feeljng aroh d the planks looking for them all. Konner gasped watching the way you manipulated the planks hearing a slight tiny creaking of the wood as it bended around itself.  You moved to the side looking at the damaged beam quickly knitting it back together filling in the two deep burns that ran across it. Slowly you looked back down to the other two and smiled.

"All done...The beam should hold I made the grain tighter where it was." Clark smiled as he made his way towards you patting your shoulder and giving a sweet kiss to your hair.

"Thank you y/n now I think we shouldall head inside dont you?" You stuttered as he continued past you and Konner. Who was gaping at you.

"That was so fucking awsome! You made that look so easy...Is it? Whats else can you dowith it? And your eyes shit! Even I was scared for a second..." you flushed fidgeting going all bashfull.

"Oh haha sorry for scaring you...And that was easythey were tiny holes to plug." You moved slowly following Konner and Clark to the house.

"You still gonna ask Grandma about what he did?" You nodded at him laughing.

"You bet! I wana hear about all the dumb shit he did" he smiled at you as you both made it to the kitchen. Clark had entered and was already sitting down at the table with a drink.

"Your both still grounded by the way" you pouted at him

"No fair I fixed it!" He rose a brow at you

"It wasn't about the damage, I want you both to be carefull, you were reckless and both put yourselves at risk unnecessarily so rest of the week. No phones, games or tv. No leaving the farm and you can help your Grandma and me with the chores..." you sighed and looked to konner defeated he only shrugged in responseas if to say 'nothing you can you do' you slumped down into the chair pouring yourself a glass of juice from the pitcher Konner following suit grumbling to yourselves Clark shook his head getting up placing his glass in the sink. Teenagers.

[imtryingthisout]

I’ll cut away me Bonny hair, let no man ever think me fair

Fandom: Descendants

Ship: Fem!Harry Hook x Fem!Reader

Word Count: 3,415

Content: It’s a self insert fic inspired by @descendantofthesparrow check out their series and art if you like this. I’m not sure about any warnings, but there is references to British Imperialism and just The Isle of The Lost in general. Ask me to tag anything if you come across it.

———————————————————————-

It was a calm night.

The push and pull of the tides was a mighty sight, but their temperament was overall sedated. Waves of drowsy titans swaying on their feet. There were ships that lined the shore, vessels of varying shapes and sizes and degrees of being intact. Some had their ribs ripped open by thieving hands, cannibalized by their captains and left to rot tethered to their anchor. All empty husks of rot wood and former glory, that rocked like cradles in the breeze. Dipping lower and lower till their cheeks brushed the ocean, before rising upwards to repeat the cycle once more.

Pirate’s Port was a town that was seldom silent, in fact it had quite the reputation to the contrary, yet as the fog rolled in from the sea, sinking low and to the ground, reaching its long and heavy hands around the bases of driftwood shacks and other buildings, not a whisper could be heard amidst the streets. The few people who lingered in the Night Market took one good look at the creeping white mist and quickly fled into their houses. Curious children who mustered the will to stick their heads outside the window frames or from the corner of doorways were hastily ushered inside by their guardians. One young girl nursed a busted earlobe, that her Mother had yanked so fast and hard to get her to move indoors, that it now sported a dark red bruising.

A single man walked along the streets. Stumbling along the cobblestone path till he came to the end of the seaport. He stood there for a breath, as fog swirled around the old wooden pole beside the street. The remnants of a great mast, now left to crumble by the sidewalk. Old barnacles, moss and other things stuck to the sides of it poked against his back as he rested his weight beside its frame.

The clothes he wore, if they could be called that, were tattered and ragged and hung off his frame in great sheets of cloth. They might have fit a different man, once. Grains of salt stuck to his beard and hair, catching the reflection of the water like stars in a blackened and oily sky. His fingers were wrapped in stained cloth and bound with a myriad of dirty copper and golden rings.

Those fingers were wrapped around an old harmonica, silver, clean, with the likeness of twisting vines and waves etched into the frame. Hours of craftsmanship decorating its borders. His grip around it was so tight, it drew the skin around his knuckles white, as he held the instrument to his cracked lips and let out a mournful tune. His song the only echo in the darkness.

“I dreamed a dream the other night, lowlands, lowlands away, my John. I dreamed a dream the other night, lowlands, lowlands away~”

There was no moonlight on the Isle of the Lost, even now, for on the rare occasion that the moon dared show her fair face, the omnipresent storm clouds that plagued the land marred her, obscuring her smiling figure. There was no moonlight on the Isle of the Lost, nor was there starlight, or streetlamps.

Night time was an abstract shadow here, where reality seemed twisted and fearful. The only thing illuminating the dark streets and alleyways, was the light emitting from the crevices and cracks of house windows, as well as the occasional fire pit, but tonight the windows were shut, the cracks stuffed with cloth, and every barrel of flame doused with water and ash. There was no moonlight on the Isle of the Lost.

But the sea, who so loved the moon and her light, would never deny her glory, so for the lonesome ship who drifted, not by the shore, rather in the heart of the tide, their deck was basked in a pale luster. As well as the two figures who sat beside each other.

You have one hand burrowed deep into the inky black curls of Harry Hook and the other on the handle of a knife. The shine of the blade catches the silver light burning from the moon above the two of you, the silent observer whose gaze watches as you move the blade closer and closer to the flesh of the neck. A flash of heat runs down your spine as you-

“Hurry it up would ye, I’m starting to get a crick in me neck”

-slice upwards through your handful of hair. Watching absentmindedly as some rogue strands flutter down and are carried to the sea by the breeze. “This would be a lot faster if I had proper scissors” you mutter low beneath your breath. Not low enough apparently, because the next thing you hear is Harry replying “It’s not me fault I got hair growin’ thicker than tha soup at Ursula's Slop”

You angle your knife and get to work cleaning up the final few edges. “It wouldn't be so hard if ya didn’t insist on cutting it every time it gets longer than a butter knife’s blade. I swear- would it kill ya to grow it a bit longer? Let ya curls show?”

“And let people compare me more to me Da? Walking around like some great fop, nah, me name is bad enough, don’t wanna be walking around lookin’ like a pale shadow of that bloody English fool”

“Oi watch it” you say, bringing your blade playfully closer to nicking him before correcting it at the very last moment, “Don’t forget my Mother is of English blood”

“Ha! And you’ll ne’er catch a englishman claimin’ her!” Harry exclaimed, kicking a foot out to mark the punctuation” I swe’r the day that Elizabeth Swann is called a sassenach is the day the barrier breaks”

Her movement causes you to accidentally slash a bit too close to her skin, making the hair fall awkwardly. You bite your tongue to keep from scowling, and get to work correcting the cut. “Quit squirming- I still have to clean up this last bit fore’ ya can be back to moving about”

“Ughhhh- whyyy, I’ve been sittin’ he’re for ages” Harry groans, you can practically hear her pouting expression. Even so she stops, reluctantly, sullenly, she keeps her body as still as the statue, not even twiddling her thumbs.

“You know, when someone has a knife to your neck, you could stand to talk to them a bit more politely” Harriet Hook, whose name invokes such wrath that even her own father calls her Harry, turns to look at you. The grin that sails across her face is nothing short of wicked. “Of course, how rude of me to forget me manners. After all, it isn't every day one gets to rub elbows with royalty” She says, drawling out the word royalty with a flourish. You would be lying if you said that something in your heart didnt flutter at her voice, but you would be damned if you let her score an easy victory over you. You roll your eyes to the moon and back. “Oh stop that nonsense Hook'' you say, giving a stray lock of hair a quick tug. “Ain't no royalty on the Isle, no matter how The Fair Folk of Bargains Castle want to pretend otherwise”

“Aye but that's where you’re wrong Miss Swann.” You snip away the final strand. “The way I see it this ship has got not one, but two! Two whole members of royalty gracing us with their presence” Harry slides away from you like water in a strain, spinning around your waist and forcing you to turn around to follow her movement. Her voice is loud. Loud and full of delight, the very definition of boisterous. “First off we have our very own Captain- The Queen of The Sea!” she laughs with her arms extended upwards and to the sky. And something, you cannot say what, in you relaxes. Harry’s love for Uma was a familiar sight. It was a eternal spring that you could feel laced around every word that fell from her lips. Harry stands radiant in her adoration. “Oh but let’s not neglect our Dear Miss Swann, whose Mam ruled over fleets of ships- an armada! And dared to claim the Pirate King’s Crown”

Your fingers furl themselves around the hair in your hands. A part of you wants to braid it, hide it in a locket and keep it close to your heart forever. “How long must I remind you Hook, my name is free to say?”

“At least once more Miss Swann”, she says and takes your hand into hers “For I do so love it when you plead”. She bows, slowly, deeply in a way that would make your Mother’s old governess cringe at the impropriety- and kisses the back of your hand.

(Her lips are warm and rough against your skin, the chapness tickles slightly as she lingers. Looking up at you with eyes paler than riverstones and twinkling with mirth. Second stars to the left and right, stolen from the sky and embedded in her sockets.)

Your knife hits the wood with a clang and a thud, a faint part of you redisters the noise, but the whole of your head is swarming with heat and air. The goosebumps on your arms stand still and tall and you can’t say it's from the cold. Your bones feel hollow, your spirit barely tethered, you are a mind outside of your body outside of yourself and you wonder if this is what pixie dust feels like.

(Harry Hook’s lips are still pressed against your hand. Her eyes fixed onto yours. At first her expression is playful- cocky. All wiggling eyebrows and the crinkles of laughter, but as the silence stretches on it shifts. Confusion blooms with the tilt of the head. A wordless question written in the furrowing of the brow. Then, suddenly, her eyes widen and grow wild with realisation- before hardening into something else. Something more akin to victory.)

“Why Miss Swann-” Harry says moving forward, lacing both of your fingers together and closing the space between you, till you can feel the sting of her grin burn across your cheek. Her laughter rings like toll bells in your ear, sealing your fate. “Do you fancy me?”

You should take your hand back, you know you should take your hand back.

You don’t want to take your hand back.

A retort bubbles in the back of your throat, with that thought, its rough and scratching and feels just like the lock of hair curled around your fingers. You don’t want to let go. There is saltwater roaring behind your back as the sea dips the ship in a lover’s embrace. Harry’s hand grips your hand is gripped to your chest. She’s waiting. You can see it in the corner of your vision, expecting eyes that seem so blue, they shine silver in the night air.

So you answer, in the only way you possibly can. “What’s my name?”

“What?”

You run your free hand through her hair, balling a fist near the center of the scalp and pulling hard- taking her face off of yours and forcing your eyes to meet. “What’s my name Hook, I want to hear you say it” you say, it’s not a question anymore, not a plea, but a command.

And Harry Hook will always heed a command.

“Cassandra Swann” she whispers, the words fall clumsily out of her mouth and into your heart. You smile beneath her chin, using the leverage to pull yourself higher. You growl against her flesh “Again”

“Cassandra Swan”

A shrieking laugh escapes your lips, “Again!” you scream “Again! Again! Again!”

Harry loops her arms around you, killing the space between the two of you. “Cassandra” she says, “Cassandra, Cassandra, Cassanra Swann” With every reprise her words get smoother, and soon “Cassandra! Cassandra!” flies effortlessly from her mouth, as if she had always longed to say it, as if it was always meant to be there. Harry lifts your body into the air and spins the two of you around the deck all the while murmuring into your hair “Daughter of Elizabeth, Prince of Pirates, Daughter of William, Heir of The Flyin’ Dutchman”

The tips of your boots graze the floorboards as Harry’s momentum lessens and lessens, slowing to a stop near the center of the deck. Your head is pressed firmly to her chest. Here, in this place of comfort, you can hear the frantic beating of her heart, the rise and fall of her breath, the rush of blood beneath her flesh. You feel the storm that rages inside of her. And still she holds you close.

You linger there for a breath, hands clinched around the fabric of her shirt, while the two of you sway with the breeze. You’ve danced before, danced atop this very deck even, but nothing can compare to the silent watz the two of you share here and now. Just you and your love and the Moon. Harry’s touch is firm and soft and oh so gentle with you. If this were anyone else you would say it was hesitant, but that thought was absurd- Harry Hook was never hesitant, you weren’t sure she even knew the word. If she saw something she wanted, she took it. If she saw something she hated, she destroyed it. Love, rage, sorrow, desire, she bore them all proudly before the world, without shame or modesty. Harry Hook lived a life without restraint.

There is shifting under your fingernails, you are gripping her so, so tightly, as if you’re afraid she is not but a visiting dream, a girl made of moonlight and shadow, a passing specter doomed to fade away come dawn.

A strikingly strong gust of wind sends your hair flying outward and towards the sky. Waves of sun-kissed and flaxen strands twist and knot in the air, creating an arch of golden color above your head. You, with your father’s skin and days spent working out at sea, and Harry, with hair darker than the space between stars and skin so fair it put the moon to shame, the two of you were quite the contradictory pair.

Then the wind abides and Harry laughs as your hair falls in front of your face.

“Oh ha-ha hook,” you say, blowing a gust of breath up to get the threads up and out of your eyes, which only makes her chuckle louder. You do not pout, you don’t, you scowl like the very fierce pirate you are and you won’t hear any word to the contrary. “I mean really what’s so funny about--”

You are interrupted by Harry shoving a finger on top of your mouth “Sssh” she says, looking out and over her shoulder, “Do ye hear that?”

Hear what? You try to ask, however it comes out sounding something like “Hrrwat?” with Harry’s finger still covering your mouth. You strain your ears to listen, and sure enough you hear something on the wind, but the noise was far too muddled to make out anything further than a melody.

Luckily, a melody was all you needed.

“It’s a song” Harry says, her voice barely a whisper.

“It’s a shanty” you correct, and a very familiar one at that. No matter how time changes, or what variant of the lyrics become popular, you would be dead in the grave before you didn’t recognize a seafarer's lullaby, sailing along waves of wind and water and air.

You slowly raise your hand to Harry’s pale cheek, careful to give her time to see the motion and accept it. Her skin is chilled against your touch, as you pull her face away from the Isle and all its troubles. You both can feel the weight of the full moon at your backs as you begin to sing. “I dreamed a dream the other night, lowlands, lowlands away, my John~”

What it is, you could not say, but something inside of Harry relaxes when she looks at you. The crease between her eyes vanishes and a part of the frantic energy tensed into her shoulders, lessens. The heavy gaze of the moon lessens slightly.

You rarely ever see her like this. This calmer, tender side of her, that she hides away from the world. How wonderful it is to witness, to share vulnerability, how beautiful she looks when she joins the chorus, your two voices becoming one. “I dreamed a dream the other night, lowlands, lowlands away~”

Taking a step to the side, you begin to lead Harry and your bodies in a proper waltz. Well, as proper as a Pirate waltz could be, at least. You are so focused on your dancing that you almost miss Harry’s voice singing. “I dreamed my true love came all dressed in white, lowlands, lowlands, away me John, I dreamed my true love came all dressed in white, lowlands, lowlands away”

“She sat by my bed when I was asleep, lowlands, lowlands away my John, she sat by my bed when I was asleep, lowlands, lowlands away”

“That’s wrong,” Harry tells you, very seriously, you can’t help but giggle “I’ve heard this sung a thousand times, with a thousand different tongues and a thousand different ways. If the rhythm is right then what does it matter?”

Harry nods her head, “Aye, but that doesn’t change the fact that it’s wrong”

“Well if that’s the case Miss Hook, then why don’t you show me how it’s really done?”

“Gladly Miss Swann” Harry grins, puffing her chest up proudly as she sings, her voice so deep and genuine it brought tears to your eyes. “She sat by me bed and did nothing but weep, lowlands, lowlands away my John, she sat by me bed and did nothing but weep, lowlands, lowlands away”

“Cold water soaked her skin so fair, lowlands, lowlands, away my John, cold water soaked her skin so fair, lowlands, lowlands away”

A warm hand runs itself through your head, racking fingers wander as Harry counters, “An’ the salt-sea weed it was in ‘er hair, lowlands, lowlands away, me John, an’ the salt-sea weed it was in ‘er hair, lowlands, lowlands away”

The wandering comes to stop on top of your ear. Her tumb is nestled under your eye, cradling the side of your face. You feel the heat of the touch, burn past your skin and set your blood a boiling. “She made no sound- nor word she said, lowlands, lowlands, away my John, she made no sound- nor word she said, lowlands lowlands away”

For a second time stood still as two souls shared the same thought. Harry moves to rest her forehead on yours, and before you could even think to give a command, your body rose up to meet her halfway.

“That’s when I knew my love was dead, lowlands, lowlands, away my John, that’s when I knew my love was dead, lowlands, lowlands away” you harmonize with each other, voices barely a whisper drowned out in each other and the beating of your hearts.

“I dreamed a dream the other day, lowlands, lowlands away, my John. I dreamed a dream the other day, lowlands, lowlands away”

Up beside the horizon, where the water meets the sky, the first blaze of sunrise streaks along the border. There is a brief moment, when the light is just right, that the entire ocean ignites in a pale blue splendor. The exact shade of your love’s eyes.

“Then I awoke to morning’s keen, lowlands, lowlands away my John, then I awoke to morning’s keen, lowlands, lowlands away”

Miles away from the ship where you and Harry Hook stand, frozen in time, the fog retreats back into the sea. Windows are unplugged, fire restarted, the air begins to be polluted with the shouting and the everyday noises of life.

Inside a small wooden shack there is a Mother, carefully applying cream onto her daughter’s ear. She does not apologize, not openly, not when she doesn’t regret causing it, but she does gather her daughter close in her arms and opens her mouth to sing her favorite lullaby. A song about a distant and beautiful land, far away and low by the sea.

And of course, beyond the two lovers and the mother and daughter, there is an old man standing by the sea, and singing. “Now I’ll never see my love again, lowlands, lowlands away, my John, now I’ll never see my love again, my lowlands, lowlands away~”

[lordseochangbin]

Beverly Hills- Han Jisung (Part One)

a/n: i didnt realize how much i loved writing fics until a couple weeks ago so we back at it again with our biaswrecker sksksksk

this fic is going to be drama-filled? not sure how to describe it but i’m getting a lot of inspiration from high school dramas so we’ll see LOL

Sweaty palms and sunburns cannot emphasize how bummed Jisung was about this weather. Living under a cave for three years and completely skipping high school did him good but now he's back in the city, knocking on the front door to his cousin's home with a glued smile on his face.

"Jisung!" Jeongin exclaimed, running down the stairs of their mansion home to swing open the door.

"Jeongin!!" Jisung could only laugh at the sights of his younger bro, pulling him into his arms.

"I missed you dude" he whispered into the younger boy's ear before his luggage could be pulled away from his arms.

"Let me help you out with that," Seungmin said, taking a whiff of Jisung's figure before scrunching his nose in disgust. "You need a shower before our mom comes home, she would not like to see you like this"

Jisung looks down at his dirty vans and rusty jeans, "What's wrong with this?" he asked the two boys before the two look at each other.

"We'll get you a new wardrobe, just please go take a shower"

"Alright, alright" Jisung complies, following the boys upstairs he stares at the lines of academic awards and medals."So how did you two punks graduate high school early?"

Seungmin and Jeongin eye each other before turning around to show him their diploma. "Just with our wits" Seungmin winked

"Well your wits got me to come back to school, your mom literally dragged me here" Jisung groaned, flopping onto the bed that used to be his.

"She really wants you to graduate Jisung, can't you do just that? Especially after your parents.." Jeongin's voice turned into a whisper as Jisung eyed him across the room.

"Let's not bring them up Jeongin, I swear if Auntie brings them up I'm going to ignore her"

"Sorry I just-"

"It's fine Jeongin" Jisung interrupted before stuffing his face into the familiar pillow.

Let's get things straight. 

Here at Beverly there's a few different families. We have the Bang Family, consisting of son and daughter Chan and Claire. Their family owns almost all the clubs in LA. Next we have the Lee's, Felix and Minho are nothing alike however, Felix being the school's outcast and Minho being a popular dancer.  Yang and Kim's are united- the bond between the two families inseparable.

Oh, did I not mention Beverly Hills' most popular rich boy? That would be Hwang Hyunjin. The Hwang's along with the Seo's claim all the hotel businesses of Southern Cali, and their families are often known for being involved in rough politics.

Last, but definitely not least, we have the Stay family. You're the only daughter, sister having passed away at a young age. Because of this, you carry the legacy of your own last name. Oof, the pressures of an asian family. But nothing stops you from a good party, especially the big "Back to school" pool party that Chan and Claire are throwing tonight.

"Is this cute?" Claire asks, taking a pretty white swimsuit from the hangers to your attention. 

You take a glimpse at it before looking away, "Too white, you'll look like that statue of David when the museum is closed"

Claire rolls her eyes, throwing the suit in the cart. "I don't have a dick y/n, and Michelangelo definitely is not cute enough to mold my curves"

"As if you have any" You retort with a chuckle before being slapped in the back by Claire's Louie Vuitton. "Shut up!!"

You could only laugh as she walks away, shaking her ass in the air as you go for the simple yellow swimsuit. Checking the price tag, you see three digits and decide to put it back before taking it in your hands again.

"Mom and dad will kill me... it's okay" You tell yourself before heading off to the cashier's.

Jisung mutters a quick "Leave me alone" before throwing the comforter over himself again. Finally, the comforter is stripped away from his bed as Jeongin screams in shock.

"Jisung!! You sleep naked?! Disgusting!!" Jeongin exclaims, throwing the blanket back on him.

Seungmin pats Jeongin's shoulder in embarrassment before waking Jisung up. "Get up, The Bang's are having a party tonight and we've been invited. It'll be the perfect chance to get new friends"

Jisung rolls his eyes at Seungmin's proposal, "Friends aren't shit Seungmin, they're just your friend during high school and when it's over they forget your name."

"Oh come on Jisung!! You can't be lonely forever!" Jeongin pouts, ticking Jisung's sleepy figure before Seungmin could add, "Well Jeongin and I are going, so I guess you're going to be alone with my mom"

Jisung is quick to jump out of bed and puts on the nearest pair of shorts before wrapping his arms around the two boys shoulders, "Okay so where exactly is this party?!"

The booming music makes the whole neighborhood shake and sounds of chit-chat and the small of alcohol fill the air. Girls fill the pool with floaties of all kinds and drinks at every table.

"W-wait. You guys meant a real party?! I thought you geeks only went to chess comps and bingo clubs" Jisung said, "T-there's real people here. Ew."

Seungmin drags Jisung inside the crowded living room, "You clearly aren't ready for Beverly Hills High School Jisung, and that's why you need to be here”

"I'll get us some drinks, go find some open space for us Jisung" Jeongin says, running off with Seungmin.

Jisung winces at the people surrounding him, turning to the hallway before being greeted by a stumbling girl in a white swimsuit.

"Oh, oh hi! You must be new here, I'm C-claire" Claire grabs Jisung's shoulders, a burp leaving her lips before she collapses onto him.

"Woah- woah okay, okay Claire take it easy" Jisung says, grabbing her waist as he looks for the nearest bedroom. Walking further down the hall, Jisung hears a few voices and hopes to drop the drunken figure into the hands of some other people.

"Look Hyunjin! I've told you so many times, we just don't work out together" You exclaim, trying to push Hyunjin off you as he continues to suck on your neck. You fail to get his weight off him as he cages you against the bed, his plump lips making all sorts of blues and purples on your skin as you try to kick him off.

"Come on y/n..." Hyunjin whispers into the crook of your neck, "We can make this work you know?" Your calls for help are muted by the loud music playing outside but you know with enough resent you can get him to stop.

"Hyunjin, stop! It's over" You continue, trying to wiggle your way out of his grasp. Well aware of how much he chugged before, you tried to work with his intoxicated self but it didn't seem to be working.

Jisung presses his ear against the door, realizing the situation as he kicks open the door. "Hey!"

Hyunjin quickly turns around, getting off the bed. "Um, hello?" Hyunjin replies sarcastically.

Jisung is left without words the second he lays eyes on you, you're beautiful. Light beaming on your figure from a nearby window, the sunlight is casted upon you. He can’t even blink, the sight is too worthy to lose even for a second. Left breathless in the middle of the bed, you thank the lords above that some cute guy came to save the day before noticing your best friend in his hands.

"Holy shit!" You run up to Jisung and grab your best friend.

"Is she okay?" Hyunjin says, picking her up and laying her on the bed. You sniff her hair before nodding your head.

"She's drunk. I'm so sorry about that.." You turn around to see the boy in a simple white tee, shorts and a Ralph Lauren bucket hat before asking, "what's your name?"

Jisung's eyes are fixated on the floor before realizing you were talking to him. "Oh- me? Jisung" he smiles.You smile at the way his cheeks puff up when his teeth show, face resembling a cute squirrel as you shake his hand.

"Nice to meet you, Jisung" you say with a smile.

"So someone told me my sister was being dragged to the guest room?" Chan said, Minho and Changbin by his side as he glanced at his sibling.

"She drank a little too much," Hyunjin responded before Chan could send Hyunjin a nervous look. "Bro, the plan didn't work?" Chan mouthed to Hyunjin as he glanced at you, noticing your hand still tied to Jisung's.

"Dude, why are you still shaking her hand?" Changbin asked, turning everyone's attention to you and Jisung. You stare at Jisung for a moment, noticing the bit of nervousness in his eyes. Jisung's grasp on your hand tightens anxiously before you could smile at the guys, "That's because Jisung here, is my new... boyfriend!"

Minho nearly spat out his drink, "Your what?!"

"My new boyfriend" you repeated, "Now don't mind me, but I'm going to leave now.. with my new BOYFRIEND" you spat at Hyunjin's face before leaving.

"Bro, what the fuck just happened?" Chan asked Hyunjin, handing him his drink

"I-I think y/n is really calling it quits" Hyunjin stutters, lying against the wall as the guys join him.

"Don't worry Hyunjin, y/n is always like this.. I’m sure this “Jisung” kid will leave if we teach him a lesson" Minho said, patting his shoulder.

You're running to the backyard with Jisung before he could stop you, panting out of breath. Sitting down at a nearby bench, you gesture at Jisung to sit next to you before letting go of his hand.

"I'm really sorry about dragging you into that, I just needed to get out of there" You apologize

"That's alright... but just like, did you call me your..?"

"Boyfriend." Jisung's eyes pop off at the validation.

"Seriously?" Jisung points a finger at himself in shock, "Me??"

"Yes you idiot" You reply with a chuckle, pushing his hand away. 

"I know you're new, maybe we can be friends" Smiling at Jisung's shocked expression you notice a figure resting on the edge of the garden.

"Felix!!" You call out, noticed the freckled boy turn around at your voice.

"Y/N!!" He replies, running over to you guys.

"Jisung, this is Felix. I think he'd be the perfect friend for you here." Jisung looks at Felix before looking back at you again, "Are you not staying?"

You stand up before spotting Chan and Minho asking people for your whereabouts. 

"Not for now, I need to fix a mess I started, it was nice meeting you though!" You exclaim, running inside to the two guys.

"Don't mind her, y/n is always involved in some sort of drama" Felix says

"Seriously? Why would nice girls like her get involved in that kind of stuff?" Jisung asks, scratching his neck in curiousness. "Whew, Jisung" Felix says, knowing he has a lot to learn.

"Welcome to Beverly Hills High School."

[iridescentides]

hi again dia! happy first day of december ❤️💚 i wanted to ask you what, in your opinion, are the 5 most underrated dcoms? i remember you saying before that you've watched all of them so i'd love to hear your opinions 😊 - 🎅🎁🎄

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH secret santa you are so good! asking me all the best questions 💜

okay so i literally had to make a list of all the dcoms i consider underrated and then narrow down a top 5. theres lots of dcoms that i love, but that i think got the right amount of attention and care (like lemonade mouth and the teen beach movies, for example), so this list just focuses on ones that deserved more hype for their quality level.

5. The Cheetah Girls: One World (2008)

okay so even as i type this i feel like a hypocrite. i have only watched this movie one time. BUT i can acknowledge that its one of the most criminally underrated dcoms ever, tons of people didnt watch it simply because raven wasnt in it. thats why i avoided it as a child, and i didnt get around to watching it until i did my big dcom binge in 2016. and it was so good. theres a really long post floating somewhere around tumblr full of specifics on why its actually the best cheetah girls movie (my favorite is the second one purely out of nostalgia), so to paraphrase some points from that post:

its a solid example of cultural appreciation, rather than appropriation, as the girls go and learn about bollywood and indian culture together

the indian characters arent treated like props or unimportant sides, they get their own agency and storylines that are important

the songs are good!!!

basically this movie was overlooked and slept on even though in terms of role modeling and social value, and just like the first two cheetah girls movies it was important and impactful.

4. Sharpay’s Fabulous Adventure (2011)

okay so as someone whos very neutral and occasionally negative-leaning towards the hsm franchise (mostly bc its overhyped and not really representative of all dcoms), i was pleasantly surprised by sharpays fabulous adventure. this is another one that i know lots of people skipped right over and dont hold with as much esteem as the main hsm franchise, and that doesnt sit right with me.

i do not agree with the “uwu sharpay was the real victim in hsm” arguments bc in their efforts to look galaxy brained the people who say that overlook the fact that she was a rich white woman who used her power and status to exercise control over opportunities that should have been fairly and freely available for all; they were not “making a mockery of her theater” in the first movie, they were literally just kids who wanted to try out a new school activity that everyone was supposed to be allowed to participate in; and despite allegedly learning her lesson and singing we’re all in this together with everyone at the end of the first movie, she literally showed no growth in the second movie as she fostered an openly hostile environment and favored troy so heavily that it literally cost him his friends, all as part of yet another jealous plan to take things away from people who already have less than her. she was NOT the victim in the main franchise, and she did not seem to exhibit any growth or introspection either.

and that!!! is why sharpays fabulous adventure was so important. in focusing on sharpay as the main character, they finally had to make her likeable. they did this by showing actual real growth and putting her outside of her sphere of influence and control. we saw true vulnerability from her, instead of the basic ass “mean girl is sad bc shes actually just super insecure” trope (cough cough radio rebel), and this opened us up to finally learn about and care about her character. throughout the movie we see her learn, from her love interests example, how to care for others and be considerate. she faces actual adversity and works through it, asking herself what she truly wants and what shes capable of. and in the end, when she finally has her big moment, we’re happy for her bc she worked hard to get there. she becomes a star through her own merit and determination, rather than through money and connections. this movie is not perfect by any means, but it is severely underrated for the amount of substance it adds to sharpays character.

3. The Swap (2016)

okay i know im gonna get shit for this but thats why its on this list!!! just like sharpays fabulous adventure, its not perfect and definitely misses the mark sometimes, but it deserves more attention and love for all the things it did get right!

the swap follows two kids who accidentally switch bodies because of their emotional attachment to their dead/absent parents’ phones. and while i normally HATE the tv/movie trope of a dead parent being the only thing that builds quick sympathy for a young character, they definitely expanded well enough to where we could root for these kids even without the tragedy aspect. we see them go through their daily struggles and get a feel for their motivations as characters pretty well. as a body switching movie, we expect it to be all goofy and wacky and lighthearted, but it moves beyond that in unexpected ways.

the reason the swap is on this list is for its surprisingly thoughtful commentary on gender roles. its by no means a feminist masterpiece, and its not going to radicalize kids who watch it, but it conveys a subtle, heartfelt message that deserves more appreciation. the characters struggle with the concept of gender in a very accurate way for their age, making off-base comments and feeling trapped by the weight of expectations they cant quite put their finger on. we watch them feel both at odds with and relieved by the gender roles they are expected and allowed to perform in each others bodies, and one of the most interesting parts of the movie to me is their interactions with the other kids around them. as a result of their feeling out of place in each others environments, the kids inadvertently change each others friendships for the better by introducing new communication styles and brave authenticity. 

the value of this movie is the subtle, but genuine way it shows the characters growing through being given the space to act in conflicting ways to their expected norms. ellie realizes that relationships dont have to be complex, confusing, and painful, and that its okay to not live up to appearances and images. jack learns that emotional expression is good, healthy, and especially essential to the grieving process. one of the most powerful scenes in the movie comes at the end where, after ellie confronts jacks dad in his body, jack returns as himself to a very heartfelt apology from his father for being too hard on him; the explicit message (”boys can cry”) is paired with an open expression of love and appreciation for his kids that he didnt feel comfortable displaying until his son set an example through honest communication. this is such an empowering scene and overall an empowering movie for kids who may feel stuck in their expected roles, as it sets a positive example for having the courage to break the restrictive societal mold. for its overall message of the importance of introspection and emotional intelligence, the swap is extremely underrated.

2. Freaky Friday (2018)

this is my favorite dcom, and probably my favorite movie at this point. ive always assigned a lot of personal value to this movie (and i love every freaky friday in general), for the message of selfless familial love and understanding. i know i can get carried away talking about this topic; i got an anon ask MONTHS ago asking me about the freaky friday movies and i wrote a super super long detailed response that i never posted bc i didnt quite finish talking about the 2018 movie. and thats bc on a personal level, i cant adequately convey all the love i have for this movie. so i will try to keep this short.

first lets state the obvious: the reason people dont like this movie is bc its not the lindsay lohan version. and i get that, to an extent, bc i also love the 2003 version and its one of my ultimate comfort movies, and grew up watching it and ive seen it a billion times. i even watched it a couple days ago. but the nostalgia goggles that people have on from the early 2000s severely clouds their judgement of the wonderful 2018 remake.

yes, the 2018 version is dorky, overly simplistic plot wise, a bit stiff at times, and super cheesy like any dcom. the writing isnt 100% all the time. the narrative takes a couple confusing turns. the song biology probably shouldnt have been included. i understand this. but at the heart of it all, this movies value is love. and its edge over all the other freaky friday movies is the songs.

on a personal level, the movie speaks heavily to me. i cried very early into my first viewing of the movie bc i got to see dara renee, a dark-skinned, non-skinny actress, playing the mean popular girl on disney channel. that has never happened before. growing up, i saw the sharpays and all the other super thin white women get to be the “popular” girls on tv, and ultimately they were taken down in the end for being mean, but that doesnt change the fact that they were given power and status in the first place for being conventionally beautiful. so, watching dara renee strut around confidently and sing about being the queen bee at this high school got to me immediately. and in general, the supporting cast members of color really mean a lot to me in this movie. we get to see adam, an asian male love interest for the main character. we have a second interracial relationship in the movie with katherines marriage to mike. ellies best friend karl is hispanic. and we see these characters have depth and plot significance, we see them show love, care, and passion for the things they value. the brown faces in this movie are comforting to me personally. additionally, the loving, blended family dynamic is important to me as someone in a close-knit, affectionate step-family.

but on a more general level, this movie is underrated for its skillful musical storytelling and the way it conveys all kinds of love and appreciation. in true freaky friday fashion, we watch ellie and katherine stumble and misstep in their attempts to act like each other. its goofy and fun. but through it all, the music always captures the characters’ intimate thoughts and feelings. the opening song gives us a meaningful view into ellie and katherines relationship and the fundamental misunderstandings that play a role in straining their connection. ellie sings about how she thinks her mom wants her to be perfect, and her katherine sings about all the wonderful traits she sees in her daughter and how she wants her to be more open and self assured. this is meaningful bc even as theyre mad at each other, the love comes through. the songs continue to bring on the emotional weight of the story, as ellie sings to her little brother about her feelings of hurt and abandonment in her fathers absence. the song “go” and its accompanying hunt scene always make me cry bc of the childlike wonder and sense of adventure that it brings. for the kids, its a coming of age, introspective song. for katherine who gets to participate in ellies body, its a reminder of youth and the rich, full life her daughter has ahead of her. she is overcome with excitement, both from getting to be a teenager again for a day, and from the realization that her daughter has a support network and passions that are all her own. today and ev’ry day, the second to last song, is the culmination of the lessons learned throughout the movie, a mother and daughters tearful commitment to each other to love, protect, and understand one another. the line “if today is every day, i will hold you and protect you, i wont let this thing affect you” gets to me every time. even when things are hard and dont go according to plan, they still agree, in this moment, to be there for each other. and thats what all freaky friday stories are ultimately about.

freaky friday 2018 is a beautiful, inclusive, subversive display of familial love, sacrifice, and selflessness, and it is underrated and overlooked because of its more popular predecessor.

1. Let It Shine (2012)

this is another one of my favorite dcoms and movies in the whole world. unlike the other movies on this list, it is not the viewers themselves that contribute to the underrated-ness of this movie. disney severely under-promoted and under-hyped this movie in comparison to its other big musical franchises, and i will give you five guesses as to why, but youll only need one!

let it shine is the most beautifully, unapologetically black dcom in the whole collection. (i would put jump in! at a notable second in this category, but that one wasnt underrated). this movie was clearly crafted with care and consideration. little black kids got to see an entire dcom cast that represented them. the vernacular used in the script is still tailored mostly to white-favoring audiences, but with some relevant slang thrown in there. in short, the writers got away with the most blackness they were allowed to inject into a disney channel project.

the story centers on rap music and its underground community in atlanta, georgia. it portrays misconceptions surrounding rap, using a church setting as a catalyst for a very real debate surrounding a generational, mutlicultural conflict. this was not a “safe” movie for disney, given its emphasis on religious clashes with contemporary values. it lightly touches on issues of image policing within the black community (cyrus’s father talking about how “our boys” are running around with sagging pants and “our girls” are straying away from god), which is a very real and pressing problem for black kids who feel the pressure (from all sides) of representing their whole race with their actions. its a fun, adorable story about being yourself and staying true to your art, but also a skillful representation of struggles unique to black and brown kids and children from religious backgrounds.

on top of crafting a fun, wholesome, thoughtful narrative and likeable protagonists, let it shine brought us what is in my opinion the BEST dcom soundtrack of all time. every single song is a bop. theyre fast, fun, and lyrically engaging. “me and you” is my favorite disney channel song of all time due to its narrative significance; i will never forget my first time watching the movie and seeing that big reveal unfold onstage, as a conversation and a plot summary all wrapped into a song. the amount of thought and care that went into the music of this movie should have been rewarded with a level of attention on par with that of other musical dcoms.

if disney channel had simply cared about let it shine more, it couldve spanned franchises and sold songs the way that other musical dcoms have drawn in success. i would have loved for a sequel that explored and fleshed out cyrus’s neighborhood a little bit more, and maybe dipped into that underground scene they caught a glimpse of. i wanted a follow up on the changed church community once cyrus’s father started supporting his sons vision. i want so much more for these characters and this world than disney gave them in just one movie.

for its bold, unabashed representation of blackness and religion, subtle, nuanced presentation of race-specific issues, strong, likeable characters, and complex, thoughtful songs, let it shine is the most underrated dcom.

and because i made a full list before i started writing this post, here are some honorable mentions:

going to the mat (2004)

gotta kick it up! (2002)

tru confessions (2002)

dont look under the bed (1999)

invisible sister (2015)

[captainjimothycarter]

I think lots about a recovered!Bucky meeting a young!Peggy in the future [or au Steve brought her to the future, used the time stone to revert her age hours before she died, etc].

Maybe he tries to avoid her. Keyword being tried. Maybe he just doesn't want to see a look in her eyes. He's not sure what look - rather its disappointment, pity, or even hate.

Hes not sure which one fills him full of fear more than the others, but the thought alone makes him avoid her.

And somehow he manages to for a total of 13 days. She knows he's avoiding her - she lets him avoid her for this long. Until she takes matters into her own hand - like she has most of her life.

She knows better than to corner him, to catch him off guard. He still has bad days and shes bore witness to one recently. Or maybe Steve has talked to her - its hard to tell. Or maybe both. Instead, Peggy calmly knocks on his bedroom door. He knows its her before she even speaks, maybe its the familiar rapping that would once shake the tarp of their tents.

He can leave - there's an exit out the window, even the back of his closet has an emergency exit that leads to anywhere but here. He cant outrun her forever, this is Agent Carter they're talking about. She'll wear him down eventually.

Peggy knocks again, softer this time just as he gets up from the bed. "James? It's-"

He wasnt sure what she was going to say, maybe to tell him that it's okay? That he didnt need to avoid her? Maybe even lightly threaten him as she was prone to do a lifetime ago. Instead, he'd opened the door right as she started to speak and she looked relieved.

To him, Agent Margaret "Peggy" Carter looked exactly as he remembered her. Victorian curls were just a habit she couldn't let go of in this new century. Red lips and nails included.

To her, he knew he was a whole another person. More so than the long hair and the metal arm. More so than the few new scars. It was the look in his eyes.

They were close in their time together. He regarded Peggy as a friend, even a little sibling that he loved to annoy the shit out of. That he wanted to protect, even if it was from herself and her tendency of ways to try to do too much without asking for help. To try to carry the weight of the soldiers' lives, especially their own on her back. It reminded him yet again as to why her and Steve were perfect for one another.

He loved her, yes but not in the sense of romance. It was a love he held for his family that he held for her.

Her hand slowly lowered and he could see the gears turning in her head, her mouth opened but he spoke first, "I'm sorry."

A beat of silence between them before her hand cupped his cheek and forced him to look up. He didnt want to.

"I'm sorry," he continued. "For everything. For-for...for..."

The last he expected was her arms to go around him, to hug him gently to him. He could easily escape anytime he wanted to.

He didnt want to.

"You know what I'm going to say, James. None of that was your fault. None. You were being forced. I didnt blame you - not for one second. I'm only sorry I couldn't save you."

"You tried."

She'd been so close, but Hydra was always two steps ahead of her.

"That I did. Apologize all you want but you did nothing wrong. No one blames you for what happened."

"But Howard-"

"But Howard, nothing, James. You are not at fault."

Its been told to him a thousand times and it would be told to him a thousand times more but maybe it was Peggy or the anxiety or the way she said it that made his entire body sag and her arms tighten to support them.

That's how hours later, as dusk filled the room, Steve and Sam both found their beloved's napping in Bucky's bed, Peggy curled around Bucky's form, like a mother bear protecting their cub.

"You're right," Sam sounded amused. "She does sleep like a cat. Glad to see they're finally talking. I thought Bucky was going to move to Alaska before he finally talked to her."

"I heard that," the woman yawned, arms only tightening around Bucky's warm frame. "You two go away...as if I'd let him move to Alaska. I hate the cold."

[sup4l3e]

I’m Crazy...

I’m insane...

I've lost the plot..

I'm hopeless..

I'm worthless..

I'm unloveable..

I'm pathetic..

I'm weird..

I'm strange..

I'm not okay...

I'm a psycho... (ok this one for me might be true... question it, go on try it! i dare you! ;0 lol)

BUT...

I AM!!!

Those are just some of the things my own mind tells me on a daily basis ... yes here it comes a blog about anxiety and depression... omg!! i know right the cliche of it all. like who hasnt written a blog about depression before ...

oh woe is me! am i right?

well... thats where you're wrong!

(before i start i want no sympathy im not writing this for the "aww's" and the "bless her" comments, i dont want sympathy or empathy ... this is simply because ive experienced and lived with depression for about 14 years and if i can help one person feel better about themselves by reading this or help someone realise that they are not alone then, well, i can rest easy tonight. If anything i want to empower people)

I lived for so many years in the dark, keeping all of this too myself and you know what it did? absolutely sweet FA apart from making me so much worse, it gave ammunition to those little voices, telling me all of the above, making them win!

i didnt realise until about 2-3 years ago that talking about my experiences and how im feeling would help.

i didnt realise until about 2-3 years ago how many other people around me were going through the EXACT same thing.

Two and a half years ago i was a completely different person, i was sheltered, i was in a very toxic relationship ... with myself. Most people would disagree, they'd say i was actually in a toxic relationship with my ex partner; but i cant blame him. Dont get me wrong he was toxic and looking back i was lucky to get out when i did, however i am also grateful too him, because he showed me exactly what i dont want in my life. and being fair to him i'd lived with my own toxicity in my mind for a good 10 years before him, so god forbid i'd give him the satisfaction of all that praise coz by god did i do a damned good number on myself without any of his help. ;)

In all honestly though, i do blame myself and my own mind, because 2 and a half years ago those little voices in my own head were the only thing i was listening to, they were winning. I wasnt listening to my family who were worried sick about me, who were practically begging me to tell them what was going on in my head, who i shut out, ignored and pushed away because i couldnt cope and you know what? they didnt deserve that at all. i live everyday regretting that i put them through that, So i now live everyday hoping to make them proud of me and live each and everyday with a promise. I do however live every day regretting that i didnt let them in earlier because if i had of i wouldnt have gone through the hell i did and i wouldnt have genuinely believed "this is what i deserve" "no-one else will love you" "no-one else wants you" "no-one cares"... i wouldnt have had too live a LIE.

The lie was people did love me, i just couldnt see it, people did care about me, i just wouldnt hear it, i needed their help, i just wouldnt speak it; because at that point in time my own mind was telling me that i didnt deserve any of that, and that nobody would ever want to do that for me. So i found sactuary in a toxic person who in the long run made me the strong person i am today because if it werent for him i'd never have the confidence in myself knowing what i overcame, and if it werent for him i wouldnt have seen my family and loved ones take charge and say "Leanne enough is enough" .. they gave me the metaphorical slap across the face i damned well needed and brought me back to reality, they categorically wouldnt allow that behaviour to carry on anymore and for that i will forever be grateful!

i made a promise to them that day that i would always tell them when i was getting low again and i made a promise to myself that day that i would keep them in the forefront of my mind in all of my decisions and i would also promise to try and help anyone else who was ever in the same position i was in.

depression is a funny old thing, everyone will experience some form of depression throughout their life, some people are genetically wired to experience it, some people will experience it from a young age, some dont experience it until very late on in life, some experience it from sad/happy/overwhelming life events, some unlucky souls just never find happiness. but no matter what EVERYONE will, at somepoint experience depression. in this blog im going to try and explain how i've learned to manage and cope with mine.

A bit of a backstory of my depression, it started around the age of 14-15, my depression. I dont know where it came from but it was right around the time of my GCSE's, college, boys, hormones, and being diagnosed with PCOS (for those of you who dont know what that is its Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome) i was told at a young age of 14 that i had some sort of syndrome which "would only matter when i got older", and that i had some of the prettiest ovaries the sonographer and gyneacologist had ever seen... in hindsight that wasnt going to be the compliment i first thought it was or the dismissive statement they portrayed it and brushed it off as, at all! THAT diagnosis changed alot of my life, however i will get back to that.

As most teens do around here I started studying for my GCSE's at just 15 years old. i was so stressed out i started actually hearing a screaming voice in my head. i suffered panic attacks daily, sometimes a few attacks a day, and that is where my anxiety started and then, good old depression smashed me in the face. i found the more stressed i became, the more id hear that screaming inside my head which then lead me to thinking " holy fucking shitballs im hearing voices im actually insane" therefore leading to more anxiety and panic attacks. so much so i would come home exhausted at 4pm everyday crawl into my pyjamas and climb into bed ready to do it all again the following day. (dont get me wrong i sat most nights on msn using the latest flashing emojis for EACH and EVERY letter of the alphabet, to the point it looked more like hyroglyphics and obviously getting the colours just right with the codes to make your name and status show in a rainbow. but that was all done in pj's curled up in bed because i couldnt manage much else ... however, if my mam asks i was revising and doing my homework THE. WHOLE. TIME, not talking to my friends about how hot a certain crush's bum looked that day ha! am i right! :P xoxo)

This was all a massive thing for me to go through aswell, due to the fact my dad has mental health issues and lives with schizophrenia, so, naturally at this point, you can imagine i was picturing myself in padlocked straight jackets and padded cells, talking away to the screaming voice in my head. the funniest thing was this screaming voice wasnt saying anything nasty or bad it was just my thoughts screaming at me like everything was angry, so genuinely just everyday life thoughts but those screaming at me, like, imagine thinking "leanne dont forget to pack your PE kit" but in the voice of Gunnery Sergeant Hartman from Full Metal Jacket... it. was. TERRIFYING!

Anyways, so yes high school was a massive contributor, then i made the choice to leave college at 17 because i, like many others, didnt have the faintest clue what i wanted to be when i grew up (little did i know id live the life of peter pan and neverland would be my sesh house OIOI!!!) In leaving college i went into full time work, as a 'temp job' until i decided what i was going to do... unfortunately, 8 and a half years later i was still their prisoner! haha, Nah, dont get me wrong i met some absolutely amazing people in that job and i did love it but i knew at the end, if i didnt get out it was going to kill me off. I'd gotten to the point in that job that i cried myself to sleep knowing i had to go back in the next day. that place contributed alot to my depression not because it was a bad job but because id made a wrong decision and was stuck there. i had to leave.

my next massive contributor, and this is where i divulge some of my REAL heartbreaks. PCOS - Poly Cystic Ovarian Syndrome or what i like to call Poly fucking Cystic fucking Ovary fucking Syndrome or "lets just fuck shit up!" (no im not bitter about it at all lol) because of this shit, from the very young age of 14 (like puberty isnt hard enough - spots, hair in places you never wanted boobs growing overnight, bleeding once a month being the biggest inconvenience) i have also had to deal with weight issues, hersuitism, depression, anxiety, hormones that sent me bat shit crazy, pain, headaches, fatigue, you name it i had it. but the biggest heartbreak, being told that id always have difficulty concieving and carrying a child. Anyone who knows me, and knows me well, knows i have always wanted to be a mam. (and not the sesh mam who looks after all my drunken idiotic friends on a night out ... coz i swear thats all they ever think i do lol) I mean a real mam, to a real baby. and being told at a young age that i had the prettiest ovaries the gyneacologist had ever seen wasnt the compliment i thought it was because it turned out my ovaries were absolutely covered in cysts. And for years i have tried to have a baby but alas nothing ever happens. i've had a few close calls and ive miscarried, or at least i think i did, the test came back positive but then about 3 days after that pretty pink second line, i had the heaviest period i had ever had for around 4 hours and then my body went back to normal as if nothing happened. it broke my heart.

They say the human body is delicate and intricate and should be treated with respect... i say its a machine and its a absolute twat at times, and why should i respect what in essence has caused me heartbreak from a young age FOR NO FUCKING REASON. but hey ho... life. goes. on.

so... thats my life story or just a snippet of it. and some of the reasons why i have depression.

heres how i cope...

Well, for a long time.. and i mean a VERY LONG time i didnt. i hid it, i hid away from the world. i drank alot. i avoided family, i avoided my best friends, i avoided anything that would have brought me back to reality.

For a long time though, thats what i needed. now im not saying running away from your issues is easy and thats what you should do because its definitely not. im saying i NEEDED to do it at the time because i had no other way of coping and i NEEDED too to learn what not to do in the future. So masking, for me, was better than facing things 'alone'. In that time though, i made my issues alot worse and in fact caused more issues. it hurt my family, my friends and well hurt myself too, because in the long run i still had to sober up and i still had to deal with the same issues that got me down in the first place, i ended up in debt which contributed further too my issues. I did some very silly things which when i look back on them now i could have hurt so many people. i took an overdose of painkillers at one point around 2 and a half years ago. I felt so weak i saw no other outcome but instantly regretted doing it and made myself sick so that they came back up. i've told my mother and close friends about this previously but i think to really show how much i've learned and to reach out to anyone who is feeling the same way i did, to tell them IT REALLY DOES GET BETTER AND EASIER. i think saying that, shows my honesty throughout this post and allows for my experience and honesty really show that i want to help anyone going through the same thing.

Masking just makes the pain go away for a short period of time. learning from your pain and making it your strength is how you really overcome your own mind and depression.

It wasnt until i realised i was never alone, just how selfish and stupid id been all that time, because in masking, hiding and running away, id stupidly stopped myself from a faster recovery, less heartache, less pain and mental and physical torture. and really i stopped myself from helping others in the same position as me.

it wasnt until i learned to make my pain my strength that i truly found peace in who i am.

i still have days where those voices wont shut up, and they win and thats ok.

i still have days where i cannot climb out of bed and thats ok.

i still have days where i cry and the pain is too much and thats ok.

because i learned all of it really is ok! everyone has those same thoughts the same feelings the same illnesses. and i know that tomorrow WILL be a better day.

you just need to learn how to make it and own it as your own!

nothing has changed for me, all of those things are still true they're still real, my body hasnt miraculously healed itself, i still made poor life choices, it hasnt changed my hormonal imbalances but it has changed my mindset. it has changed my life. i made a choice to change my mindset and not let it beat me i decided to let people in. my family are my guardian angels because they never gave up on me, they dragged it out of me and frogmarched me to the doctors for the help i needed but some people dont have that support in their lives.

i'm lucky enough now, to have lived with this for long enough to know my signs, and when i know what i call, "going dark" is coming. basically when i start slipping and losing control of it again, i identify it and know how to manage it head on. unfortunately my body because of the stupid "intricate machine" i have and how broken it is (believe me the day i can swap out into an AI robot body imma sign straight up for that shit imma have me a body like Jennifer Anniston) my body however tends to go into a meltdown, i end up with more migraines, pain and infections. i also get extremely tired to the point i can sleep for a good 15-20 hours a day and thats not me being lazy (although if sleeping were an olympic sport i'd be the universal champion of it BED=LIFE) thats really me needing to reset. at that point in time when i know this is coming, thats when i reach out; i tell my friends and my family "I'm not okay" because i know now i can do that, i can talk to them.

i, personally, take medication daily, and for some reason we live in a society where people are actually shamed for doing so. i know if i dont take those 2 little tablets every day i will lose control and become a shell of who i really am. my seratonin levels drop and i practically become a robot barely functioning. so why should i be ashamed of those 2 little 'happy pills' which make me the person i want to be and know i truly am! no chemical imbalance is going to get the better of me! if i can have the help, im damned sure going to take it. along with the happy pills, aswell as alot of sleep, sunbeds, spending time with family and friends whenever i possibly can, i now have a job that i love, i also retrained as a beautician, and i love going to the gym and swimming whenever i can, ive found i can manage mine alot better. one thing that massively changed my life was limitting when i drink. i rarely go out drinking anymore and the reason is because i know deep down i will end up in a very low state afterwards. alcohol is a depressant and i wont allow that kind of thing to get me down. so now instead i choose to drink once a month if not less. i havent cut out the drink completely i just know if i want to get blinding drunk i need to be in a very happy place to do so. so i am careful where i drink, who i drink with and what i do whilst im drinking and unfortunately much to my neighbours disgust that tends to be in the house whilst singing along to whitney houston or disney songs at the top of my lungs, but thats how i know i'll not plummet the day after, and lets face it anyone whose heard me singing knows whitney had nothing on me ;)

In all seriousness though, the best advice i can give anyone living with depression is talk to someone, talk to your family, talk to your neighbour, talk to your friends, talk to your doctor, talk to your dog, your cat, the postman, the man on the bus who sits oddly close too you... just talk to anyone. tell them how you are feeling tell them your experiences. tell them what is getting to you. Find someone who you can trust, find a stranger. write it all down in a blog. video it. GET IT ALL OFF YOUR CHEST! SAY IT OUT LOUD! Just. Bloody. Talk! please!

everyones experiences with depression are different some people mask it, some people show it, some people (like me now) shout it from the fucking rooftops because im not afraid of my emotions anymore.

everyones ways of coping are different too, some people find the gym helps, some rely on medication, some rely on talking therapies... there are so many different ways of coping out there now... the only way that doesnt work is not admitting something is wrong and fighting your own mind without help, knowing something isnt right but still doing nothing about it. The only way of not coping is living a lie, you dont have to do this alone!

Basically do those things just for you, the ones you've always wanted to do! get that tattoo you wanted, quit your job, retrain, change your hair colour, buy that car, buy that dog, book that holiday.

do what makes YOU happy!

live for you and open up, people would rather know how you are feeling than see you struggle or ultimately not be here.

open up you never know someone might be feeling the exact same way you are and it could bring you closer.

but remember most importantly:

You ARE NOT Alone..

You ARE NOT Crazy..

You ARE NOT insane..

You HAVE NOT lost the plot..

You ARE NOT hopeless..

You ARE NOT worthless..

You ARE NOT unloveable..

You ARE NOT pathetic..

You ARE NOT weird..

You ARE NOT a psycho..

You ARE NOT strange..

And..

You ARE okay...

You ARE Beautiful..

You ARE Worth it..

YOU ARE Loved

i hope this helps...

thank you ☺

[sorceresscrowe]

@lucianvalkyrie

Yeah, it is… is strange doesn’t it? Ugh -muttered, smiling a bit thinking about that man. Drautos was hard, actually she feared him when they met for the first time, he wasn’t a soft man that patted you or comforted you if you felt sad. No. But the day he saved her, his protective aggressive stand and warning against the attackers, felt like the most tender gesture from him.

Was never going to forget that.

Don’t worry, now I will make sure you stay fresh as a lettuce -laughed softly as she grabbed one of those skewers feeling how the taste was enough to make her stomach be grateful for it- Most of the others are from Galahd, are you as well? -asked curious- never felt really on the same boat as everybody, because I’m just a simple lucian from around the corner -spoke as she felt the need to get more of that meat- How did you end up joining? If you don’t mind me asking, of course.

Medea looked young, in fact, she was just three or four years older than Crowe, with sunkissed skin and olive green eyes. She wasn’t tall at all, but her complexion clearly spoke of a strong woman that took her time to keep the shape and strength.

But that day she looked tired, really tired and somehow looking at her closely, anyone could understand why the Captain of the glaives ordered her two weeks off duty. Her beautiful eyes were darkened by a shadow of lack of rest, her shoulders tensed, and seemed to carry a heavy weight that she probably was having trouble handling in silence.

Truth is that she didnt talked to anybody about it, now that she was thinking about it, didnt had any friends to tell anything to and that’s why she tried to focus that much on her work. To avoid thinking in shits that mattered but she could not solve by her own hand. So her smile to Crowe was warm and grateful for her company, her manners changed to ones welcoming and friendly.

Crowe was not one to let food go to waste; she had experienced plenty of times when food was scarce. She finished one skewer and grabbed a second one. 

“I am.” She nodded. There was no shame in being Galahdian. Medea had asked the question innocently enough, and didn’t seem to hold a grudge even if she was born and raised in the city. Insomnians knew so little of the world outside of their walls. “After Niflheim attacked, Nyx and Lib decided they were going to come here and join the Kingsglaive. I followed them.” 

Lib had been against her joining, but Crowe was eighteen when the attack had happened, and it was the minimum age to sign up for the Glaive. As much of a fit as he had thrown, he couldn’t stop her. Besides, she turned out to be one of the best mages they had. She belonged in the Glaive just as much as those two did.

It was the attack on Galahd that inspired Regis to put together the Kingsglaive. Naturally, he recruited Galahdians whose lives had been destroyed in the attack. Those that agreed to fight for him were given refuge in Insomnia. Anyone could join, but in the first days, a lot of Galahdians had taken the offer. As a result, the senior unit was completely comprised of them, save their captain. 

It wasn’t a long story with Crowe. Wherever Nyx and Lib went, she was often there too. Especially after Galahd had been attacked---the three of them were all they had left. 

[sidneycrosbyisawitch]

Would you do an analysis of Tyler? His character etc

if i could count the number of words i’ve spilled about tyler jacqueline seguin, it would surely be astronomical. and still i wouldn’t say i’ve ever approached capturing all the beautiful nuances of how complex and wonderful he is.

but if i were to try to reach out and grasp just a few qualities that make up the constellation of who tyler is (with help from lina @betheproof), it’d look something like this:baby boytyler is his momma’s first baby, her only boy, and (like all hockey players) he’s a momma’s boy and loves to be loved. then he’s drafted second overall to the boston bruins, a team of veteran guys where he’s the only rookie. i think it’s a mistake when we write off tyler’s time with the bruins as if they didn’t care about him or were wrong for him. because they loved tyler.

he had a team full of daddies and older brothers taking care of him, and they won the stanley fucking cup in his rookie season. we can’t ignore how fucking formative that was. hockey media still talks about the 2011 bruins like they were the most incredible thing to ever happen to hockey. they say that locker room would have killed and died for each other. tyler still has a group chat with that team. that is the environment that raised tyler. a bunch of older guys who would kill for him.(but at the same time, it wasn’t perfect, and that oftentimes left tyler to his own devices in a high pressure market. and management watched that happen, and then they fucked up.)tyler makes such a point to say how it was good for him to come to dallas where most of the guys were his own age (even though jamie’s a little older, tyler adds). it was good for him because it meant someone was taking care of him on and off the ice. jamie (and jordie and the rest of the guys) didn’t have families to go home to at the end of the night. they didn’t have to leave tyler alone. tyler needed someone to basically live on top of him and that’s exactly what jamie did.there are so many things that make tyler a baby boy. his need for attention and praise. the way he knows how to use his body and constantly positions himself as a sexual object. tyler flirts like he’s getting paid because he wants that extra layer of attention and interest. all of this is to say: tyler has a need to be taken care of. (he says jamie tamed him, but jamie just gave him what he needed in large enough doses that it settled something inside of him. tyler still has fun, he just doesn’t tip over the edge.)performance / performativityspeaking of the being tamed comment, tyler is well aware of his role the narratives spun around him. it isn’t a stretch to say that, in addition to his talent on the ice, dallas acquired tyler to be a face of the franchise. they threw him into media as soon as he touched down, and tyler was expected to carry the weight of the media attention for not only his own trade but also jamie’s new captaincy. dallas started throwing out the k*ne and toews comparisons real early. (”aren’t we the bestest of friends?” “only to media.”) they wanted that kind of narrative for themselves, and jamie and tyler lived up to it in a big way. after being a player criticized for immaturity, tyler grew to hold half the weight of the dallas stars. he says the right things at the right times. he makes sure he brings out the best in jamie and brings everything back to the party line. (that doesn’t mean he doesn’t know how to subtly subvert the party line when he needs to, though. he might be hyper-aware of his role, but that doesn’t mean he’s a bland puppet for the org.) then there’s the way tyler is his own voyeur. all professional athletes are to some extent, right? tyler tells the eye of the tiger story about his dad watching him play hockey when he was little. from a young age, tyler has always been hyper-aware of being looked at and judged and it manifests in so many ways. being a top competitor, obviously. but there’s also the way he embraces his looks and his body and the way people look at him. the body issue. photoshoots. that Basic instagram story. (he knows people are looking and he knows how to work it.)he also does this thing lina noticed where he points out “flaws” before anyone else can (even the tiniest things) and jokes about them. not quite self-deprecating, but gently making fun of himself. it makes him more human, but also diffuses criticism before it starts. a donut stain on his coat. chewing gum too aggressively. someone thinks i’m way better at hockey.tyler’s social media and the moments he chooses to share are an extension of the performance. he’s so fucking honest with us in so many ways, but they’re still carefully selected and curated moments. even during that awful fucking r*adtrip last season, tyler still posted an update for every city. it isn’t just media promotion, it’s a genuine outlet for him. when his grandparents passed away, he pulled his heart out on instagram. he wants us to see the puppies he’s so proud of, his home, his family, his team. he wants us to see those parts of himself especially. interpersonal and intrapersonal intelligencetyler doesn’t get enough credit for just how smart and introspective he actually is. it’s like you table dance with strippers one time and everyone forgets you’re a multifaceted human capable of more than being a lushy flirt. (not that the lushy flirt side of tyler isn’t incredible and important, as well.)but tyler clearly understands himself and other people better than most. in the at home video from this summer, tyler talks about how his early career gave him a skewed perception of how easy it is to make it to the championship round and team bonds and what vegas did versus what the stars didn’t do. he talks about going on the water to think. it’s all so perfectly illustrative of how much thought and introspection tyler is capable of. he knows who he is and where his heart is. and tyler’s relationships with others, what can really be said here that isn’t self-evident. tyler knows how to make people love him. he’s charming and fun and craves social attention and affection. tyler needs a pack. (he created his own little pack of pups for when he can’t fill his house with human companions.)but more than that, he understands how people work and gives them what they need. it’s why he was so good for jamie. it’s why guys love him. it’s even why we love him. expressiveness and physicalityin a sport full of men deeply media trained to be as boring as possible, we aren’t treated to a whole lot of facial expressions. men in general tend to be less expressive than women, supposedly. maybe that’s why we lose our shit when guys in this league make a single face and why tyler’s body language can read very feminine and at times submissive. because tyler is so fucking expressive. he’s got those puppy eyebrows that give his whole face life. he smiles and pouts, grimaces and laughs, with so much abandon. when he feels something, he expresses it, even exaggerates it. and it’s not just his face, his body is so expressive, too. he talks with his hands, he’s constantly touching his face/neck/shoulders when he speaks. he presses close to people and likes to be touched back. as lina always says, one of tyler’s most important love languages is physical touch. obviously, as with all athletes, his body is his livelihood and he’s so in tune with it and comfortable with his sensuality. meaning: he’ll call his chest his boobs, no problem. then he’ll tattoo them because his body is his and he loves it. and then he’ll pull up his shirt in the middle of a party and play with his nipples for the camera. and he’ll be beautiful the whole time.home and familyif you haven’t read julie dobbs’ recent blog post, please go do so now. tyler’s defining characteristic is that he’s a family guy with a good heart. he’s an unashamed momma’s boy, an awesome big brother, and a proud provider. family is probably the single most important thing in tyler’s life. he loves them with everything he has. he shares their happiness and their heartbreak with us.  he has a cottage outside toronto that he lovingly turned into a home and filled it with friends and family all summer. he takes so much pride in the fact that it’s become a place his family uses even when he’s in dallas.which brings us to dallas. a home he never wanted or expected, but he made it his own, anyways. (and how fucking hard must it have been to leave boston? a place tyler considered home for years? a city he still loves?) he grew into himself and settled deep into the heart of texas. dallas is home, tyler says. and it’s more than a media platitude. tyler chose to stay there -- fought to stay there, actually, by essentially having to jumpstart contract negotiations himself. tyler has grown so, so much since he came to dallas, and the sense of home started with jamie.tyler and jamie essentially lived together. tyler didn’t get the typical experience of bunking with another rookie and living out of each other's pockets  at the NHL level until he got to dallas and met jamie. that, and the group of young teammates, are what started dallas being home for tyler. living in the same building, which transitioned to buying houses down the street. jamie was the most important pack member, and tyler started nesting into dallas. turned his houses (with help from jackie) into beautiful homes where he can host his whole family for christmas, now. he got more dogs to add to his pack, his need to nurture and provide kicking into a higher gear. he has brampton on his arm, boston on his ribs, but dallas is in his heart.superstaronce upon a time, tyler was a tiny kid who thought he’d have to play college hockey and work his ass off if he ever wanted to get a glimpse of the NHL. he was ready to put in that work, every single day, just for a chance.then he went second overall and won a cup.   of course so much of tyler’s identity revolves around being a really fucking good hockey player. their highs and lows depend upon performance, that’s not unique, but it is still so important to who tyler is. he’s a goal scorer, an all star, a stanley cup champion. he’s the kid who went out after a tough loss in boston (a loss blamed on him) and sat down to eat alone. he’s the guy who fucking beamed in an interview after jamie got him a promised goal to break his drought. and he’s the guy who’s gracefully shouldering the undeserved criticism of his play while it probably tears him up inside.but tyler is a star, and what do stars do best? shine.growthtyler was a kid who was easily led astray (and he was a teenage boy, of course he was). during the draft, taylor hall was already poised and well-trained and it was only his presence that stopped tyler from following where he shouldn’t go. and boston saw him following there a bit too much. but tyler grew. he proved them wrong. tyler’s tweets have been used to teach rookies how not to social media, and now tyler has a sweet, responsible insta presence. tyler was known as an immature party boy, and now he (definitely still parties but) loves to be in the home he made for himself. he’s a leader on the stars, helped jamie become captain and lead the team. his game has evolved so much that he’s crucial on every part of the ice, in all situations, and had a career high season last year. he’s the stars’ you can play ambassador. he funded a ball hockey court and youth center for underserved kids.he was always capable of more.   tyler grew into himself and his role. he’s poised, charming, responsible -- all while being entirely himself. this summer, tyler did nothing but grow and he did it for himself. alone, but not lonely. he learned how to box. he grew his hair out like he’s always wanted. he visited spain and scotland and knocked two countries off the little list of places he wants to go that he keeps in his iphone notes.and now, through all of this new pain, he’s going to grow again.

[obscurecurse]

just watched the video for young and doomed... it didnt blow my mind? like i remember being unable to brEATHE thru the video for joyriding. & then weighted? sorry to start negative. i didn't dislike it at all. this vid was some fuckin ART DIRECTION if i ever saw it.

biggest thing imho: the evolution of frank's voice? wow? he sounds so much more animated? almost to the point of cartoonishness - which suits his poetic sarcasm. i feel like he has really embraced being a frontman in a way he never did before? (before you say leathermouth to me... he definitely presented some serious ambivalence towards the role then. yes we can fight about this in the parking lot, if you insist)

also deeply punk of him to keep doing exactly what he wants to do. which is this. clearly.

also literally carrying the torch for the fans of mcr, who are at this point completely starving for content? still writing songs and putting out records, rising from the ashes like some kind of beautifully aging torch-wielding angsty phoenix. he is a gift. the post-hardcore bands that influenced mcr still bleed through here, just in different ways. (i am not comparing his music to mcr. i don't compare apples to oranges. again, parking lot. if you insist.)

also "i'm not okay... oh wait that's the other guy" killed me a fucking little bit?

alSO how DARE he have a keyboardist that's not james dewees? my only beef. maybe (probably) james' fault tho.

i endured a brief career as a music writer... had to give the opinions no one asked for. my specialty.

xoxo h-iiii