#but he’s just so bamboozled by the way things have gone it cracks me up

[rootersnoosferret]

if i’ve learned anything this year, it’s that the true weakness of super-passionate dead poets society type literature teachers are not the apathetic kids that don’t care about literature, but the kids that bastardize literature, because those kids ARE very passionate about literature, but for none of the right reasons (in terms of being constructive to the class’ understanding of the material). there is no impassioned rant of memorized poetry that can possibly combat the honest to god bitchslap that is “rodion raskolnikov is the bisexual 1800s russian au version of scott pilgrim” or “vladimir and estragon are gay married but perpetually on the brink of divorce”

[stillmonsterz]

god i love u fr

anw so— birds of a feather quite literally fucked up my day (in a good way) like im so invested into this story and im just in awe of the level of literacy in the way u write and im kinda taking some notes and learning from u in a way?? i mean that in a very appreciative way and i think ur genuinely one of a kind absolutely gem writer on this app like i could go on and on abt the way you write your characters and their chemistry w each other like ugh im eating it up im so full

so onto the actual fic, WHAT THE FUCK RIKI?? when i catch u riki istg, my heart SANK at that last part like i knew something was up bc he hasn't caused anything in a while and that was like a bullet sized dagger straight through my heart jfc. he had me all bamboozled and im actually feeling rage at the way mc showed vulnerability to him only to be backstabbed by him and now he's like dragging her w a noose around her neck— it's insane how he immediately dismissed mc and jumped the gun at how she could only be lying like that part just made him go from my fav character to my most loathed character. also suddenly the few mentions of riki being 'cute and evil' compared to everyone else makes so much sense, and tbh i don't trust that he'd stay quiet abt those ss he's just gonna be bored and leak them after a while i feel like.

oh and i cant forget abt the jay scene in the hotel GOD i had such a viceral emotional reaction to every dialogue they said— my brain is thoroughly jumbled, a smut scene on ecstasy could never compare to the gut wrenching situationship break up that was. if i may be honest, jay's a pussy lmao wdym you can't be wrong and admit you're not even half as bad as u thought lol anw he's going straight into the complicated men box. sorry that was me trying to cope w the fact that all of the progress jay and mc made was just gone like that and it's all back to square one now, i can't deal w that loss rn im fr mourning over it. there's just a lot to say abt that scene it might be my all time favorite piece of fanfic i've read in my life, im losing my mind at the contrast between mc wanting to savor the moment and make it last longer while jay's trying to get it over with bc i know that he knows if he takes as much time as he'd like, he'd actually realize he loves her and that's just too much of big boy feelings for him (im bullying him too much bc im so sour rn)

also the reveal w jake dealing w addiction was eye opening, like now im rethinking back to all the times he's been fidgety and including that recent scene w mc when he comes out of the restrooms, god i was dying for the mc to just get in there and ivestigate around BUT SHE DIDN'T im so pissed. jake's definitely shown some cracks in this part and i can't wait to see him be vulnerable to mc and be honest for once, he's hiding too much and i still don't trust him i can't lie.

and i think we might be only skimming the surface w the other members, i weirdly adore sunoo lmao he's such a cryptid being, and tbh the only good thing that came out of this was sunghoon and lily being a maybe healthy couple, i love love that scene w him and lily it's such a sweet and cute moment in between all the shit mc's digging herself in lmao. i don't think i have an opinion on heeseung yet other than he obviously cares for his members, or at least the kc's reputation, and has his bearings together enough to tell the mc straight up abt all of that. also jungwon.... why do i hear boss music.... LMAO but honestly the bit where it mentioned that he got shit on everyone combined w the ending had me clawing at the walls, he's gonna be important later on and im feeling the nerves crawl up my spine even though he's never shown up once in this part, im that scared of him 😭

im terrified at what's to come, like actual dread on if riki's abt to spill everything to jay and if jay will find out and— this is too overwhelming and my mind's so cluttered lol. anw im not gonna speculate anything rn for my health but im gonna write this last paragraph in appreciation for the way you write morally gray characters, like just completely blown away by how complex and unpleasant they were written, and i mean unpleasant bc i fr know some ppl who'd act this way, it's bone chilling. granted not to the extent these characters are but it's still enough to take me back into the headspace and social circle in my younger years, just the deep regret crashing all over me again lol. not to say this was horrible no no quite the exact opposite this is the most fun and absorbed i've got from a fic in a long time, this left such an impression on me that it sneaks into the back of my mind all the time, which amplifies everytime i open this app just to scroll and i always unconsciously search ur user to see if you've updated or not.

last one i promise, thank u sm for writing this fic and all ur other fics, i know and i can tell when a writer has literacy in their heart ur up there w my forever favorites. can't wait to see it all unfolds and im hoping the mc have some sort of a good ending, fingers crossed 🥲 (sorry for this wall of text also lol)

Putting my answer under a read-more

First of all, please don't apologize for sending large asks like this. I honestly love it when people have a lot of things to say about my works. It makes me feel as though I've created something rich enough that it can be discussed.

like im so invested into this story and im just in awe of the level of literacy in the way u write and im kinda taking some notes and learning from u in a way??

Thank you so much for this...I think I can attribute this to me reading. I read almost every day, and I only read things that I enjoy.

also suddenly the few mentions of riki being 'cute and evil' compared to everyone else makes so much sense, and tbh i don't trust that he'd stay quiet abt those ss he's just gonna be bored and leak them after a while i feel like.

I sort of wanted to emphasize that anyone who would join the Karma Club would inherently be predisposed to doing horrible things for their own enjoyment. Also, as in real life, sometimes the nicest people can do horrible things. People are far more contradictory than we give them credit for. That being said, no spoilers on what he'll do with the screenshots. It's been fascinating to see the revulsion towards Riki's actions compared to what Jay has done to the MC.

if i may be honest, jay's a pussy lmao wdym you can't be wrong and admit you're not even half as bad as u thought lol anw he's going straight into the complicated men box. sorry that was me trying to cope w the fact that all of the progress jay and mc made was just gone like that and it's all back to square one now, i can't deal w that loss rn im fr mourning over it.

If it makes you feel any better, they aren't really at square one. Square one was Jay harassing her nonstop because he truly was disgusted by her, in as equal measure as he was fascinated by her. Like he said, he now doesn't even know if he hates her anymore. So even though it seems like they've gone to the beginning, this is new territory for both of them. Jay is a huge pussy, though. He calls Jake a pussy, but Jake has made more genuine attempts to get close to Y/N than him LOL

god i was dying for the mc to just get in there and ivestigate around BUT SHE DIDN'T im so pissed. jake's definitely shown some cracks in this part and i can't wait to see him be vulnerable to mc and be honest for once, he's hiding too much and i still don't trust him i can't lie.

It's good that you don't trust him. At that point, Heeseung had already told Y/N to just be nice to Jake, so she didn't want to bother him. Heeseung essentially told her that she was part of the reason why Jake relapsed, so she doesn't want to toe the line.

i don't think i have an opinion on heeseung yet other than he obviously cares for his members, or at least the kc's reputation, and has his bearings together enough to tell the mc straight up abt all of that. also jungwon.... why do i hear boss music.... LMAO but honestly the bit where it mentioned that he got shit on everyone combined w the ending had me clawing at the walls

No spoilers, but Jungwon will come into play. Something happened in the earlier part of birds of a feather that will have an effect on what happens in Part 3.

im gonna write this last paragraph in appreciation for the way you write morally gray characters, like just completely blown away by how complex and unpleasant they were written, and i mean unpleasant bc i fr know some ppl who'd act this way, it's bone chilling. granted not to the extent these characters are but it's still enough to take me back into the headspace and social circle in my younger years, just the deep regret crashing all over me again lol.

Thank you so much! And yeah, I definitely drew from my high school experience for some of this. The only other time I've ever done that is for Tired of What We Are, and I think you can see some of the parallels. Not to say that fluff is unnecessary (I do plan on writing something cute) but it's just fun to play round with people who are morally questionable, and who revel in their bad traits at times. Not so fun to experience it yourself, though.

thank u sm for writing this fic and all ur other fics, i know and i can tell when a writer has literacy in their heart ur up there w my forever favorites. can't wait to see it all unfolds and im hoping the mc have some sort of a good ending, fingers crossed

Thank you so so much. I took a long time to answer this because I wanted to keep this ask to myself. Whenever someone sends me a longer ask, I read it over and over again. I wanted to hold onto it for as long as possible. I really do love writing fics, and I'm grateful that people are willing to read them. Thank you for all of the kind words you've written, and for taking the time to read my fic!

[caermis]

❝Our Rose...❞

Mirio Togata X Black! Reader X Amajiki Tamaki Warnings: Suggestive NSFW Summary:🌻🐙 Both Mirio and Amajiki both fall in love with a 3rd Year transfer student, and she’s black?!🌻🐙

🐙🌻When Tamaki first saw you, he had to do a full double-take. It wasn’t his first time seeing a black woman, but you blew all the others out of the park. From your full lips to your beautiful E/C eyes, they bamboozled him. “Hello.” Speaking with a cheerful smile, Tamaki hadn’t noticed you had walked over to him once noticing his stare. Feeling his face heat me, he couldn’t form words. “...hi...” Smiling, a few voices shout your name, making you glance at them before waving goodbye to the male.

🐙🌻 “Oh god. Oh god. Oh god.” It had become a daily routine that Tamaki found himself looking forward to. He’d go to his locker, see you walking with your friends, catching his stare and jog over to him. Which ‘Hi’ turning into a conversation longer than the last, before your friends dragged you away.

🐙🌻 Yet today was different. You were walking alone and a lot earlier than usual. Spotting the shy-male, you raced over to him. “Hey, Amajik-” Cutting yourself off, Tamaki had picked up when you had become nervous, not turning red like the other girls, but you would press your lips together in a nervous smile. Realizing your mistake, Tamaki couldn’t help but smile. “Y-you can call me Amajiki...if you want to.”

🐙🌻 From there on, you called him Amajiki and on special occasions, Tamaki would call you Y/N. He’d even built up the courage to ask for your phone number, which you gave him gladly. 

🌻🐙Unlike his elf-eared friend, the moment Mirio saw you, he was lost for words and immediately wanted to know you. You had been at your locker, gathering things to head home. Just then, only for a random blonde-haired man walked up to you and fell through the ground.

🌻🐙 Panic crossed your face, only to hear him chuckle and say oops before reappearing. “There goes first impressions. I’m Mirio Togata!” With the largest smile, he held out a hand to you. Your smaller hand taking his with a smile. “Y/N L/N or L/N Y/N, but you can call me Y/N.” and he sure did. Every time he saw you, you could hear him yell your first name before crackling a terrible joke. 

🌻🐙Mirio could easily remember the first time he cracked a pun. He watched you try to keep straight, before a small smile spread across your face, before a full-blown out laugh. The reaction immediately blew him away. He had expected either for you to not laugh at all, or fake a cutesy laugh, but what he received was far much better. Your laugh rang down the halls, which made Mirio laugh with. From that day on, he would purposely tell you the worst puns, just to watch you struggle to hid you smile before breaking out into a laugh.

🌻🐙 Yet today was different. You weren’t at your locker. Frowning to himself, Mirio slightly cursed himself for missing the chance to hear your smile. “Mirio!” Joy spread through his body and he happily turned around, seeing you walk beside Tamaki with a smile.

🌻🐙 “I didnt know you knew Tamaki.” You nodded happily and looked between them. “I didnt know you…. you knew Mirio...” Mirio’s widen seeing how much Tamaki’s stutter decreased around you. “Oop, I guess I’ve never mentioned it, but we know now. I thought we could all hang out and get ice cream.” From then on, you became the three amigos and did everything. Sometimes people confused you for being part of the big three, only for you to have to correct them and say it was Nejire. Yet she never seemed to take it any offense, and you two became close friends.

🌻🐙 Today was different. It was one of the rare days you were gone, living the two slightly sad, but able to easily talk about their feelings for you. “At once.” Tamaki nodded, and they both counted down.

“One.”

“T-two”

“Three.”

“I like her.” The two best friends stared at each other, each with an equally shocked looked. The other had always assumed that their friend was in love with the H/C-haired female, but hearing them say was soul-crushing. “Will….will she have to c-choose?” Tamaki's thoughts ran with all the ways he would lose to Mirio and sighed.

🌻🐙 While Mirio thought of all the ways, they could both have the H/C-haired girl. Mirio firmly believed he couldn’t live without her, and he wanted to feel her chocolate skin against his pale ones. The contrast was already beautiful, from the times Mirio accidentally(purposely) brushed their hands together.

🌻🐙 “What do you like about Y/N?” Mirio had become curious, Tamaki wasn’t the type to just crush on anyone. Watching his friend fidget in his seat, before softly speaking. “I… I like her voice and how she says some things… they sound different… and when she speaks in English…. it’s…. it’s different. Though I do like her nose… she’s self-conscience about it being bigger than the other girls, but..but it’s adorable, but I also like her t-thighs.” Feeling guilty for the last part, Tamaki couldn’t help himself. In his eyes, you had the perfect body, and he often imagined him resting his head on your thighs. “W-what about you?”

🌻🐙 “Her laugh! She laughs so full-heartedly and it never feels forced. Her hair, its so… so different and like defies gravity and she can do so many hairstyles. Though I do like her butt, it seems like it would fit perfectly in my hands.” Laughing at the last part, Mirio prided himself on being respectful, but you and your body alone does some many things he couldn’t help himself but to bust one out at the thought of you.

🌻🐙 “I want her…” Watching Tamaki, he put on a brave face. “Then let’s go ask.” Shock spread across Tamaki’s face as Mirio stood and, pulling his friend with them.

🌹Feeling bad for skipping school, but your mom was heading back to America and this would be the last chance to eat some homemade cooking for a few months before the next holiday. Waving your mom’s taxi goodbye, you couldn’t bring yourself to go to the Airport or risk breaking down and calling her Mommy or Mama and beg her to take her with you, but you already knew she would wave you up, call me sensitive, or threaten you with a whoopin’ even though you were far too old and legally an adult.

🌹“Y/N!” I raised a brow and turned to see Tamaki and Mirio walk towards me. Smiling at them, I wiped away the goodbye tears. “Are you alright?” Worry crossed their features, but you gave a light laugh. “My mom just left and ya know.” They nodded, and you offered them some food your mom made, which comprised baked beans, greens, macaroni, ribs, salad dressing, and cornbread with rolls.

🌹 “My mom made a lot. I can make you a plate.” The two looked at you, not exactly understand what ‘make you a plate’ meant chuckling, you explained to them what I meant. “That makes a lot more sense.” Making them both a plate, I watched them eat, both looked stare struck. They never had eaten this type of food, you explained to them it was soul food, and Mirio excited explaining to you, that he had seen it on TV and though he had tried it when he went out, this was completely different.

🌹 “I wished you met my mom. I would make her bust out the southern accent and call you ‘Sugar’.” Tamaki wiped his mouth and spoke hesitantly. “Maybe, maybe you could do it for us…” They watched your face turn into one of embarrassment and you mumble an apology if it was bad.

🌹 “Sugar, I like ya both.” Speaking in English, the two seemed to melt. They couldn’t understand a word, but what they assume the southern accent was, it was amazing.

🌹 “What did you say?” Looking at Mirio and Tamaki, you gave a nervous smile.

🌹“Sugar, I like you both.”

🌻🌹🐙 That’s how it happened, they both ended up confessing and soon you all started dating, like two ends of the scale, you’re a perfect balance and let’s say Nejire was ecstatic, already demanding to be your bridesmaid. Even though that was a faraway future, no one would be surprised if Mirio proposed now.

[hanawrites404]

Wynne's Diary - Touch with Asra

@sweetalnazar

We were clearing out the shop today. Boxes filled with piles of aged magical books, masquerade masks and other important miscellaneous items were stuffed into the crates. Our home was full of countless varied and unique things you can ever imagine or guess of that we needed a separate day to sort the stuff out to what we might need in the future and keep it inside the shop, and then to things that we would not need unless for emergency purposes, which would rightfully be organised in the storehouse we had.

Me and my husband were raiding our shop, basically. Because one, it seemed like a detailed mission, and two, we were extremely tired and filthy from the dust the shop had amassed over time. We accidentally even demolished some of the spider's home webs while brushing so we had to carefully pick the spiders out and leave them outside on the lawn.

Poor arachnids.....they were so adorable and cute. I hope they find a better home soon. Though forming a web was never an easy job.

And so wasn't the task of clearing out such a relatively huge shop and stacking all the articles without damaging even a tinge of any material.

"Wynne, can you help me with this one?" My husband called me from inside the repository. His voice echoed through the walls of the room and reached my ears as a dusted my hands onto my apron and entered the dark room lit just by an orb of esoteric blue fire above.

"Is this the last one to be moved?" I placed my hands on my hips. Asra was crouched near the box as he rubbed his cheek to wipe out the dust and faced me, he had sweat on his brows and he looked pretty exhausted because......

We both had been working for hours. We started somewhere around midday and it's nightfall now.

"Yes...After this one, we can finally rest. I feel very thirsty and I could definitely use some of your lemonade" he huffed and ran his hand through his velvety white hair.

"Lemonade huh....sure. Let's get this over with" I took off the rubber band on my hair and retied it on into a small tail so that my hair doesn't impede much. I squatted down, and got hold of the edge of the box and gradually started to lift it with every strength I had.

Asra supported the other side of the box, and we both coordinated our steps to move the load together outside the storage room. I was not a lifter, and neither was Asra. We could have called Muriel over to help, but he was lying sick on the bed with Portia and Julian both aiding the giant man. So we agreed to not bother him and take the matters to our own ourselves.

It was our mart anyway, so we had to.

"Almost there!" Asra notified. I nodded and pulled in the air to exert the energy left in my arms. I walked patiently back, keeping a watch out to not bump with the other items on the floor and trip on my heel. Asra cautiously followed me, he rasped a bit and used his momentum to get a better grip of the end.

He knew that I was not much physically substantial, so he made sure to not let me take the heavier weight, but watching him take all the burden over himself just like how he always was, made me feel immensely culpable.

Asra was always like this. Votive, generous, selfless. These were very good traits in him, no doubt in that. But sometimes, he overdoes it, and that was not at all acceptable by me. He from time to time needs to know that his own self is as significant as everyone else he cared about. He needs to realize that at the end of the world, he would only have himself with him, and he better give a fuck about it sooner than repent it at later moments.

But.....I was not in the right niche to teach him such a lesson.

Because I wouldn't be the educator of this topic, I would be a student since there was hardly any difference in both of our sentiment towards our loved ones.

Votive, generous, selfless......

We both were a bunch of crackheads.

"Oof! Finally, everything is done. The shop barely changed, but at least it holds less weight than previously" Asra slumped onto the couch and caught his breath, his chest rhythmically rising and sinking with the teal pendant on his bosom.

Faust and Ichigo weren't home today. They both had gone to take a stroll around Vesuvia as we toiled. We didn't worry about both of them too much since they were proper grown-ups and can handle themselves faultlessly, unlike us both who can't even watch out for cobwebs and prevent ourselves to mercilessly annihilate them.

I still feel sad about them.......poor babies...

"Ahh...." I heard him groan and hold his shoulder.

"What's the matter?" I asked him.

"My shoulders ache a lot. My arms too. Looks like a overworked myself. They feel quite fatigued" he tried gearing his joints only to wince in discomfort.

"Ugh, don't aggravate it. That would make it worse. Relax your shoulders, and try to slowly roll them to get some movement" I instructed him sternly.

"I can't. They stiffened up. I cannot even properly move them without feeling a lot of stings" he complained to me, still grabbing onto his ailing shoulder.

I watched him cynically and shook my head, sighing and closing my eyes, rubbing my own furrowed brows. He was seriously acting like a whiny child crying over a tiny scratch. But despite my dubiety, I did not blame him. It was true he did a lot of work today. He shifted hefty stuff, helped me tidy up the inside of the storehouse and shelves along with the rest of the two-storeys, and also renovated the mattress, sheets and curtains with new and clean ones. I couldn't have done all of them without Asra, and I did owe him enough to alleviate him from his post-pain.

"Turn your back" I ordered him again.

"O-Oh.... alright" he did as I told him. I cracked my knuckles and trudged towards him and sat near him, facing his back.

"Take your shirt off," I told him next. He obeyed me and dropped the piece of clothing in front of him. I tenderly skimmed his back, caressing his spine and feeling the bumps of his vertebrate. My nails trailed along his tanned back and I felt his shivers reverberating through my finger pads. His skin was soft like the petals of blossoms and tempting to sense as a downy kitten's fur.

And he was even kissable as a child's rosy cheek.

I shifted a little closer to him, grasping his shoulders carefully in my hands and enclosing my fingers around his shoulder blades. I lightly applied pressure on my palms and squeezed his shoulders. Asra lightly grumbled in return, and I continued my work around that area and his neck. I handily massaged his tendons and muscles, untying all the tangles and applying the right amount of force as not to cause too much throb on him.

"Mmmahh.....Wynne....." He sizzled. It didn't sound like a wince of pain but of genuine contentment and pleasure. He finally let himself loose under my hands as he leaned back onto my shoulder, closing his eyes and moaning against my neck. I softly chuckled and laid a peck on his nose as I kept pummelling onto his other aching places.

I moved from his neck to his arms and shoulders, and I sensually kneaded his well-built limbs and fondled with his biceps in-between my fingers. I pressed every spot of his arms and started laying butterfly kisses upon his neck and below his ear. He lightly purred from my touch, succumbing to my soft seduction as I nibbled onto his ear, and my hand slid up from his chest to hold his chin and the other reached down to twiddle with his nipple.

"Ohhh...Wynne....." He bit his lip, his cheeks dusted pink from impulse.

"Yes, darling~?" I whispered into his ear and took the opportunity to bite on his earlobe and pull it faintly with my mouth.

"Aahhh! please.....more......I want more" he pleaded to me. I gazed into his eyes, they were clouded with submission and fervour. He wanted to keep up with this play of pinch and flirt with me, and he wanted himself to be under my mercy and decree till I break him to his brim by making him reach his peak ecstasy and orgasm.

And who would refuse such an offer?

Well, the answer is simple.

I would.

Before he could make any other move, I promptly pulled myself back and stood up on my feet as Asra landed back on the sofa with a thud.

"Pervert" was all I said before I made my way to the kitchen to fetch him the spiced lemonade he was craving ever since he finished his work, and a playful smirk was visible throughout on my lips. It's not that I didn't want to continue exciting him, I stopped because I want this to be on a day where no chore, nonentity, and no interference come in the middle. I wanted the day we make love to be untarnished, ripe and vehement, where no one coaxed to unnerve us.

As far as I can remember, Asra's face was priceless by the heckler finale I gave him. He was completely bamboozled and hoodwinked, and damn I loved it. The taunting was one of my greatest pastimes, and working it out on Asra was even more fun. Why do you ask? Because he always gives the most adorable and unparalleled ripostes than anyone I had ever known, and it was always mirthful at which I can chortle about for hours and never forget it ever in my life.

Maybe one such day will arrive when he would be fortunate enough to receive my full attention.....one day..........

And I'm desperately but patiently waiting for it.

[crystalirises]

The Final Answer (36 Question AU 4/13)

Fourth part.

IT’S YOU, DREAM

Thick dark smoke curled around the small room, gray ash twirling in the air as a bit of soot landed on the top of Fundy’s sensitive nose. He let out a soft sneeze, snapping out of the momentary euphoria that he had felt just a few seconds ago. He began to cough, waving a hand around his face as he backed away from the burning bucket. He could hear muffled wheezing beside him, a harrowing and horrible reminder that his estranged husband was still in the same house as him and that they just burnt their wedding rings, in a rusty old bucket. 

Fundy held back the urge to slam his head on the wall, regret at falling into an old habit racing through his veins. He couldn’t believe he’d just done that. He couldn’t believe Dream had made him do it. He gripped the sides of his head, pulling at his ginger strands. His hair would smell of smoke for days, and he hated the smell of smoke, hated the way that it would cling to everything. 

Smoke reminded him of an era of mistakes and misery. Dream had forced his hand. He knew. Of course he knew. Dream may be an idiot at times but he wasn’t stupid.

“Wow. That thing’s really roaring.” Fundy winced, gaze snapping towards the black that stained his fingertips. His hair now smelled of smoke and had ash residue on it. GREAT. Dream had adjusted his mask, a hand over his mouth as they both stared at what they had done. Guilt gnawed within his chest. Dream said they needed to move on, but as he glanced at the remains of their rings, he wasn’t sure if they made the right choice. 

“Not a single trace left, but that’s what fire does, right? We couldn’t have thrown them in a lake or buried them. You just had to choose this particular form of goodbye. You know, how I get around fire, Dream.” Fundy sniffed, a hollow ache in his chest. 

“I… I didn’t really think about that. I’m sorry.” Fundy held back a scoff. Dream didn’t think? Wow, that was a first, and it was probably a lie! Fundy looked at the bucket, watching as the flames began to die down. He felt a pang of hunger at the sight, a damning need to rekindle the fire once more. He had tossed the flint and steel into the bucket, their remains mixing in with the rings’. It seemed almost poetic. 

“Yeah, I… that’s what happens when you decide to toss both the flint and the steel! Is that smoke gonna be a problem?” Dream glanced down at the bucket, wincing as smoke continued to trail up from it.

“No. None of the fire alarms work.” He meant to fix them yesterday, but he couldn’t bring himself to do so, terrified that his interference would feed the growing list of problems he already had. He walked to the window, gripping the metal handle in his hands as he pushed. The tell-tale sound of glass cracking and scattering to the ground made him groan. Great. Dream made a move towards him, but he held up a hand. 

“No. No. All of the shards fell outside… Which I’ll have to clean up tomorrow…” This was fine.

“Okay.” He watched as Dream nodded his head, the man’s hands clutching the edges of his lime-green sweater, as if he didn’t know what to do with them. Fundy tore his gaze away, the awful and putrid smell of the room sneaking back into his senses. He needed to get rid of the smell, at least before Niki and Ranboo came back. He didn’t want to see their disappointed faces the moment they stepped in and smelt the strong scent of smoke, and he certainly didn’t want to explain why the house smelt as if it was on fire.

“Can you bring me the bucket?” Enough time had passed, right? The bucket was safe to touch, wasn’t it? He waited for the scream, the yelp of pain, but it didn’t come. The bucket came into view, scarred hands holding it up to him as if in offering. He gripped the metal edges, flinching as he felt the scorching heat spread down his fingertips. He backs off, ignoring the ache on his palms as he looked up into Dream’s mask. 

“How―? You know what? I don’t care. Just… Can you toss the bucket out of the window, please?” Fundy didn’t have time to wonder how the hell Dream was holding the bucket with his bare hands.

“Sure thing.” He watched as Dream turned to the window, the bucket in his hands as he looked out into the dark sky above. The rain had lulled to a slow drizzle, though Fundy knew the sand was still wet. At least he wouldn’t have to worry about cleaning the ashes of his old life in the morning. If he was lucky, they’ll mix into the sand and be lost to time forever. He took a cautious step towards Dream, noticing his hesitation as he refused to throw the bucket out. Was he trembling? 

“Are we scattering our old life into the wind?” Dream quirked a brow, glancing down at Fundy with amusement in his eyes. Not that Fundy could see it.

“It would be great not to have this place reek of smoke when Niki and Ranboo come back.” Fundy’s eyes narrowed into slits as Dream flinched at Ranboo’s name. Suspicious. Dream let out a quiet sigh, grasping the bucket tightly until his knuckles turned white. Then the bucket was gone, clanging against the ground as it was tossed out into the night. Fundy closed his eyes, collapsing to the floor as exhaustion seeped into his aching bones. They’d done it. But did it help? ‘Cause it didn’t feel like anything’s changed. 

“Thanks…” Fundy looked away, hugging his knees to his chest.

He felt a presence sit down beside him, the edges of their fingertips touching one another’s. Fundy wished he could lean his head on someone’s shoulders. He needed some semblance of comfort right now. Unfortunately, the only person within a mile radius just so happened to be the man who was his ex-husband. Fundy let out a low growl. He wished it were somebody else. Fuck, he’d rather have Schlatt haunt him for the rest of his life if it meant he’d never have to see Dream again. 

“How do you feel?” Dream didn’t miss the frown on Fundy’s face, the stiffness in the fox hybrid’s shoulders.

“Sad…” Fundy busied himself with his inventory, arranging and rearranging the few items he had. He could feel Dream’s heated gaze on the back of his head, an unrelenting force that pleaded with him to look back.  Fundy kept his attention on his inventory. It was a mess. He was a mess. 

“…and stupid.” Fundy let out an empty chuckle, shaking his head at his own admission.

“Me too.” He nodded along, though he doubted that. Dream never felt stupid. At least, he never admitted to being stupid. Even though he was. A nagging and chilling feeling tugged across his chest. A finality that left him breathless as he realized one crucial detail about this whole encounter.

“Particularly, because I just realized that you won’t be leaving this place anytime soon, right?” He began to tug at his ears, not missing the way Dream tried to reach out to grab his wrist. He was beginning to get irritated and if something didn’t change soon, he was going to start biting his own tail. 

“Fuck.” Fundy groaned, running a hand through his unkempt hair.

“What do you mean?” Fundy stopped, choosing to run a hand through his disheveled and dirt-caked hair instead. He looked down at his nearly empty inventory, taking note of the yellow flowers he had taken from the small garden Niki had set up. On any other day, he would be eating his dinner at this particular time. New L’Manburg and the Essempy could destroy themselves for all he cared… but he should’ve known that Dream would drag him back. He could never truly run away from his problems, could he?

“You came over here with a purpose, right? You want me back, right? If there’s anything that I truly know about you, Dream, is that you’re persistent. You won’t be leaving until I go back with you, or forgive you, or…” Fundy trailed off, barely registering the fact that he had stood up from where he was sitting and was currently placing the bundle of yellow flowers on the table. His heart was hammering painfully in his chest, losing the words he had wanted to say. What did he want to say? 

“Hey… Batry, eat some flowers.” Fundy waved at the bat on the ceiling, smiling despite himself.

“I… I could leave.” The words hung over the air, the room turning colder as Fundy finally forced himself to turn around. He sucked in a breath as dazzling forest green eyes peered up at him with fondness. When was the last time Dream had taken off his mask in front of him? 

There were dark rings under the man’s eyes, his usual grin or smirk was gone, replaced by a frown that Fundy rarely ever saw. For once, Dream tore his gaze away, fixing it to the side as if that one particular piece of dirt was very intriguing to look at.

“Really?” He wasn’t hearing things, right? Dream said that, right? Fundy shook away his nervous thoughts. He needed to be sure. Was this some trick? Some new… reverse psychology gimmick the man made up?

“Yeah. If you want me to. Do you… want me to leave?”

“You’re… You’re actually serious?” He couldn’t believe it. He felt bamboozled, scammed even. It was that easy? Fundy blinked, wondering if he had accidentally knocked his head on something while getting up.

“Yes. Fundy, I wouldn’t―” The fur on his tail bristled as Dream paused, both of them knowing that ending that sentence was not a good idea. Fundy kept his breath steady. He could do this. He could tell him to leave, and they’d never see each other again. It was that simple. He opened his mouth. Then he closed it. WHY COULDN’T HE SAY IT? DAMMIT. He wrapped his arms around his chest, he needed time to think this through, but they didn’t have that time.

“I don’t know, Dream… I need to think.” He felt himself collapse onto the couch, his head a whirlwind of thoughts. It should be easy. All he needed to say was, ‘okay, get out and never come back into my life because if you do, I won’t hesitate to burn you alive.’ Simple, right? He groaned, placing his hands on his face. He didn’t have the time to think. After a few seconds, he came to a decision. He sat up, finding that Dream didn’t move a single inch. Probably didn’t even look at him as he threw his little fit. 

“Dream…”

“Yes? Do you want me to leave, Fundy?” Dream stood, his knees shaking despite the blank look in his eyes. Fundy couldn’t tell if he was nervous or if he was tired from sitting. He heard the thump of footsteps approach him, saw the shadow that blanketed his form. Dream was staring down at him, his porcelain mask in his hands as they both waited for Fundy’s response. Fundy stood up, heading towards the door of the living room. He had his answer. He just had to say it. 

“Or do you want to meet the real Dream?”

“I think it would be best if I accompanied you out of Drywaters territory.” Fundy opened the door, a draft of wind caressing his cheek as he stepped into the hallway. He waited for Dream who was putting his mask back on. Maybe he didn’t want Fundy to see his face. Good. Fundy didn’t want to see his face. 

“I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay.” He tries not to hear the quiver in Dream’s voice as the man walked past him, pretending he didn’t see the way his shoulders were shaking. Fundy looked up towards his pet bat, Batry seemingly energized from the drama they had just bore witness to. They were living their best life. Good for them.

“Okay, Batry we’re stepping out, just for a second. Try not to tear the place apart.” Because Fundy might just lose it if he came back to scratches on the walls. He followed after Dream who was waiting at the front door, then a crack of thunder shook the house, causing them to jump. 

“Woah, did you hear that?”

“Yeah.” Dream let out an empty chuckle as Fundy opened the door, the night wind hitting them full force as they went out of the house. It was dark, the lanterns Fundy had placed around the perimeter were out, the rain having damaged them. 

Great, another thing to add to his list of tasks. Fundy scowled, pushing forward even as the sand threatened to give way beneath him. Dream trailed after him slowly, as if he wanted to savor the moment. Well, Fundy wanted to go to bed. They both couldn’t have what they wanted.

“I can’t believe you came here. I can’t believe I have to do this.” Fundy never thought he’d ever be forced to escort Dream out of any place. Not Pogtopia. Not New L’Manburg. Not even Drywaters. Dream was never meant to find this place. He shouldn’t have ever found him, and how Dream even found him was a whole issue in and of itself. Fundy wished he could turn around and just… just… No. He couldn’t bring himself to hurt his Dream. He could never do that. 

“I should have never entertained this. I knew that.”

“Why do you know that?” Fundy wished that Dream didn’t make it feel so easy, though. With every second that passed, he was beginning to lose the last threads of his patience. Fundy nearly tripped on a rock at the question, grumbling beneath his breath as they reached the border of Drywaters. 

This was where they parted. Dream should be off on his merry way now, but he didn’t make a move to leave. The palpable silence made it harder to think rationally. Dream wanted an answer. Fine! He’ll give him a damn answer!

“Because it’s pointless.” Fundy kicked at the air, willing that the sand on his boots would fall off. He watched as the clump of wet sand landed on top of Dream’s boots. That made him feel a bit better.

“Okay, it’s pointless. How is it pointless?”

“It’s pointless because…” Because you’ve hurt me too many times. Because we can’t fix this. Because you said you didn’t care about me at all. 

“Okay, I’m going to ask you a question. Is Dream your actual name?”

“Yes.” He nearly screams at the amused tone in Dream’s voice. Granted it was a ridiculous question… but could Dream blame him for being a bit cautious? Who knows what else Dream had lied about? Maybe those rumors that his real name was ‘Dre’ were true! Fundy shook his head, he needed answers. He needed so many answers and he wanted to ask so many questions. Could he leave it at this? Could he really let this man walk away without trying to understand? Fundy didn’t know. He really didn’t know.

“Did you marry me for some political reason?”

“No. Fundy―”

“Hmmmmmm… If I let you stay… I’m gonna see proof that you are who you say you are, and then what?”

“Then we get to know each other again.” Getting to fall in love all over again was left unsaid. Fundy picked at the edges of his sleeves. Could he bring himself to do it? He regretted that Dream had placed his mask back on, regretted that he said he didn’t want to see the man’s face. ‘Cause right now he just wanted to see Dream’s eyes. Was he hurt? Was he lying through his teeth? UGHHHHHHHHH. This was so difficult. 

“So… can we do the 36 questions? Do you want to do the 36 questions? We could answer them, Fundy.”

“Like a couple of strangers?! Hit reset?! Act like you didn’t lie to me this whole time?!”

“We don’t need to act like anything if you do the 36 questions with me, you’ll meet the real Dream―”

“I don’t have 36 questions, Dream! I have one important question. Why did you do it? Why?!”

“And that one question has a thousand answers. You’re… you’re asking me why I fell in love with you?” Fundy stepped back… was Dream crying? He could hear him sobbing. 

“I loved our old life, Fundy. That was me. That was the real me. Nice to meet you… Now… would you like to do the 36 questions with me?”

“That was you. That was all you?” Fundy kept his own tears unshed, they both didn’t need to cry right now. Guilt clawed at his heart. Was he being too harsh? Was he wrong? Fundy placed a hand on Dream’s shoulder. His hand felt as if it was burning. 

“You… you loved me? You actually loved me?”

“Yes. I still do, Fundy.” He felt Dream’s hand on top of his, a gesture that almost made him melt. He almost gave in right then and there, but he remembered what Dream had taken away from him. This was the man who ruined his country and led his father to his death. This was the tyrant who took one of his lives!

He pulled away just as quickly as he approached. 

“You’re confusing me. Can I really trust you? Should I trust you? Are you actually telling me the truth right now or am I just that gullible enough to believe you?”

“Okay, okay, okay. Wait. Wait. Let’s stay on task here, sta― Fundy.”

“What… What do you mean?”

“Fundy Wastaken-Soot. Answer me honestly.” Oh, he didn’t like the sound of that. Fundy waited for the ball to drop. He felt nauseous. He wished the sand would swallow him whole. But… maybe the question wouldn’t be that bad. It certainly wasn’t going to ruin his already wrecked life. He felt the seconds tick by, almost as if Dream himself was hesitating to speak. Fundy wished he’d just leave… but did he really want that? 

“Right now, given the choice of anyone in the world, who would you want as a dinner guest?”

Oh. OH. He did not. Fundy kept his hands on the ends of his sleeves, lest he do something he’ll deeply regret. 

“You’re trying to trick me.” Fundy let out a growl, his entire body tensing up as he realized what Dream just tried to do. He wanted one decent conversation. But no. Absolutely not, because fuck him. 

“You tried to trick me. Wow. I shouldn’t be surprised. This isn’t exactly the first time you’ve done that.”

“I just asked you a question.”

“No. You asked me the question. The first question of 36! It doesn’t matter I’m not answering it―”

“Why not?”

Fundy looked up into his ex-husband’s masked face. He was joking. He was actually joking. Why? WHY?! Fundy nearly screamed, rubbing his hands on his face. He wanted to resolve this. He really did. But Dream was making it really hard for him to keep his calm. 

“Wha― You know perfectly well why I don’t want to answer your question!”

“Because you don’t want me to tell the truth? Because you don’t want to find out the real me?” Dream moved closer, though his hands stayed tucked into his sweater pockets. Fundy edged away, realizing how close they had gotten to one another. He dug the heels of his feet into the sand, willing for some divine intervention to take him right then and there… which was ridiculous since… He kept his gaze on Dream. 

“Because you don’t want us to solve this? However it ends, I at least want us to try and work this out!”

“I…” Fundy sucked in a shaky breath. He began to walk away. He didn’t get that far before he felt a hand lightly grasp his wrist. He looked back, watching as Dream’s free hand reached up to pull his mask off his face. He sees the tear tracks that stained the man’s cheeks, mixing in with those beautiful freckles that Fundy adored so much. Dream’s eyes were nearly shut tight, those green eyes held so much pain in them. They were both suffering. They really were. 

“I… Dream… I’m not really sure… I don’t think I can…”

“Anyone in the world. Your house. Dinner.” Fundy wished he could disappear… because he already knew his answer to the question. But could he say it? 

“Get to know each other. Spill it all. Who would it be?”

“I don’t have to answer this.” He scratched at his shirt, hearing the rip of cloth as he tore through his sleeve. Dream winced, reaching out a hand before retracting it… at least he tried. Fundy took another long exhale. He could do this. Just… 36 questions. He only had to answer 36 Questions. 36 Questions. Simple. No. No. No. He couldn’t do this. He shouldn’t do this. 

“I really don’t have to answer this…”

“You’re already telling me.” He flinched. His answer was still the same as the one he had said on their first date. Oh, if he could build a time machine to tell his younger self of the misery his future held. He could avoid this. Maybe he would have run away sooner. 

“Who do you want over for dinner, Funds?”

“Technoblade.”

“Wrong. Who would it be, Fundy? Anyone in the world.” He felt Dream’s grip fall and he walked off. Oh, he really had to do this, didn’t he? He let out a chuckle, one that quickly evolved into manic laughter. One answer, but it meant something. It always meant something. He gripped his knees, letting the tears fall from his eyes. Fine. FINE! He’ll answer the fucking questions. His laughter turned into a guttural and anguished scream, echoing throughout the desolate badlands as he violently fell to his knees. 

“Fundy―!”

“I would have dinner with you, Dream. Okay?” He buried his face into his hands, scrambling away from those clingy hands that tried to reach down for him. Dream wanted his answer? Then he could have it. Fundy screamed out the words, his throat aching from the sudden outburst. He couldn’t remember the last time he screamed or shouted at someone. 

“If I could have anyone over, it would be you, Dream…”

Fundy trembled, “…as much as it pains me to say. I wish it were somebody else.” He’d even take Technoblade. 

“But given the choice of anyone in the world, the only person I'd want over for dinner is you.” Fundy bit his bottom lip, chest aching as his fingers began to tremble.

He sighed. His younger self had been so excited when Dream said yes. He hated dinners now… Dream ruined them for him. 

“Yes, I'd have dinner with you, Dream. So, I could ask questions, or maybe one question.” Those damning questions that had circled his mind. They had haunted him even as he founded Drywaters, 

“Who are you? And why were you living a lie?”

“It would probably end in a fight.” Dream wished it didn’t have to end like that. Not them. Not in that way.

“But once I knew the truth, the real truth, maybe I could stay strong…” Fundy knew it would end in a fight, or at least it would end with explosions. That’s how conflicts in this world ended. Their old life and relationship wouldn’t be the exception. Fundy just hoped that it’s not his country that gets destroyed. He could afford to lose a life… 

“And politely send you, Dream, out into the night. That'd be nice.”

He felt the hunger in his stomach. He really was hungry. 

“Yes, I would break bread with my husband who lied to my face.” He also wanted answers and maybe he could get both. Maybe. The world has never been kind to his needs before. 

“Because in my head I've been wondering, how he kept up the pace?” Had Fundy been so blinded that he allowed himself to love a man who could never do the same for him?

He gripped at his chest, at his bruised and broken heart. He danced to the tune of a madman for so long… He believed Dream for so long. He could never get those years back. 

“To live in a lie for so long, to string his husband along.” He looked up, the world a kaleidoscope of color as his tears ruined his vision. Still, he managed to find those familiar green eyes. 

“How in the hell could he think that was okay?” Fundy laughed, a bitter and horrible laugh that tore at Dream’s heartstrings.

He curled closer into himself, wiping his nose at his newly torn sleeve. The drizzle of rain had begun to seep into clothes, drenching him with their melancholic sorrow, 

“I'd choose dinner with you, Dream. Over Xisuma and over Awesamdude.” Dream nearly fell over, his eyes widening as the mention of those names. Fundy had heard of these people. They were legends in their own respective fields… but he’d choose Dream over them any day. 

“And even my own parents… Sally… Wilbur…” He’d choose Dream over anyone.

“I would die to dine with all four, but if I'm being real, and I want to be real.” Being real was all he had, and it was something Dream would never understand. Fundy knew what he was, and he owned it. He lived up to others’ expectations. 

“In a world full of people, the only person I'd want over for dinner is you.”

He wanted to please everyone… he tried to be happy. He wanted to be happy for once. 

“Yes, in a world full of people who all haven't hurt me…” He watched his home get destroyed over and over. He watched his grandfather kill his father in front of him. He watched the only family he’s ever known tear itself from the inside. 

“…the way that you hurt me the only person I'd want over for dinner is you.” He was pathetic.

“That's the truth.” He wished it wasn’t.

“That's the truth.” He didn’t want it to be.

He felt Dream’s arms wrap around him. He leaned into the touch. He was so pathetic. 

“That's the truth…”

------------------------

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[liam-93-productions]

I remember meeting Liam Payne once before. I was writing the cover story on One Direction for this very magazine four years ago and, finally, after endless tail chasing and schedule clashes, I managed to pin all five members down backstage at the O2 shortly before they played to what seemed like a bazillion screaming teenagers. The air was heavy with the fug of Haribo Starmix and raging hormones; even at that point the band were already more popular than The Beatles in some circles. Or, as John Lennon would have put it, Jesus.

The band members were courteous and convivial. One certainly got the impression that their time wasn’t their own, although any cracks that would end up splintering the band some years later were kept well hidden. I remember Payne for being perhaps the most grounded out of all five of them. He seemed to have an ease with his status and fortune that kept his ego in check. He seemed genuinely bamboozled at the hysteria going on around them. He was a young, ambitious pop star caught in fame’s full beams.

Last week, in some respects, a very different man sat down for an exclusive chat with GQ Hype. He’s certainly more hench, as this exclusive shoot with fashion photographers Mert Alas and Marcus Piggott prove. Whoa. We talked about his sizzling new underwear campaign with Hugo Boss, his first nude shoot (which may well be his last if his dear mother has anything to do with it) and we reminisced about his One Direction days, a period which he came out of shaken, sure, but not completely upside down or inside out.

He’s been through a great deal since the end of being one fifth of the biggest boy bands in history – drink problems, therapy, (...), anxiety – but at his core he’s still that same multi-talented, hard-working boy from Wolverhampton, honest about his faults and still excited to see where all this is taking him. Undoubtedly, he’s a man who wears his heart on his sleeve. Well, when he’s wearing any sleeves at all...

GQ: So how’s the build-up to the debut album, LP1?

Liam Payne: Good, can’t complain. Just rewriting a lot of things in my world at the moment. That’s why I was in with my top, top manager for a while just reconfiguring things towards the end of the year.

What are you reconfiguring?

Well, we just kind of ticked off album one. The writing process was interesting to say the least. I mean, it was almost like blind dating in LA with different writers, and when that happens it’s hard to get traction, or get to know anyone properly, or let your guard down in a way. You feel like you’re going into different rooms all the time, with different styles. There are so many things that can affect the writing unless you find that one person who can carry you all the way through a record. Post Malone has a producer called Louis Bell, whom he works with, and there's a common stitch throughout the whole thing that kind of puts it all together properly, whereas we never really found that.

How come that never materialised?

I was going through a bunch of stuff when we started writing the album – growing up and all sorts of different shit coming out of the band. So for me it wasn't the best entry into the writing side of it and making personal music rather than writing for a band. So it was difficult, but I mean the album is done and coming out and I absolutely love it and it's just interesting to see that my favourite is from when I was younger. The first albums I listened to actually helped create my first album, so super cool.

It sounds like it’s been a long process getting the debut album finished?

It’s been, since “Strip That Down” really, the best part of two maybe three years to get everything finished. And it was difficult. I mean, it's opening up at first and trying to figure out who you are and what people want to know from you. And what the sound is. Trying to find that medium point for all those things. It's just the most difficult thing, especially at a young age when you're constantly changing and you don't really know yourself yet. We spent the best part of five years in a band closed off from the world and I had to go through this really weird transition inside that band as the world, and then myself, came out of it. I mean, even in my therapy sessions, my therapist asked me, “What do you actually like to do?” And I'm like, “I don’t know what I like doing!”

Most people presumed you came out of One Direction fully formed. That wasn’t the case?

Everything changed. New teams, new managers, new labels. Building those working relationships can be tricky. You also become the boss of your own shit, and I was 21, 22 when I first started doing my own thing, so it’s all a bit scary and can be a bit lonely. That’s not a complaint; it's also a lot of fun as well. We have a great time. Now the band members have all worked our way through this first couple of years, you can kind of see everyone's finding their own feet. Take Harry [Styles] at the moment. You know, he's just found what I think is his sound and exactly where he wants to be, which took him a little minute to get into since he had his last album out. So, yeah, it just takes time.

Towards the end of One Direction, were you aware of everyone’s own tastes developing?

I think so. I mean, for me, someone like Louis [Tomlinson] always had a very specific taste – things like Green Day, that was the era he was from... also Oasis and old Robbie Williams. Harry always played an eclectic mix of stuff too. I can always remember the one time Harry put Rick Springfield’s “Jessie's Girl’ on and I had never really heard it before but it was an interesting choice. I liked it nevertheless. And then for me, I mean, when I wrote “Better Than Words” for the last 1D album, it had a different rhythm for us, something we hadn’t done before. So you could definitely see those unique tastes early on. I think funnily enough it was through fashion and style that our own perspectives could be seen most of all, all hints of what was to come for us. We would always wear black on stage, black skinny jeans and a black T-shirt, but maybe we’d add something else as individuals. I remember Harry having these cool rings, for example, and then he’d go crazy with his shirts as time went on. Saying that, I think Louis still dresses pretty much the same as he used to.

Was it competitive with the other band members?

I mean, for me personally, I don't think I ever really looked at it that way. I think the biggest question for all of us at the start was figuring out who the hell we were without each other around, which is a really weird thing because you’d found your dynamic and role within the band. But then when you started a solo thing it was almost like leaving like school or university and trying to find your place within the real world. So I think it was more the pressure of that than anything else, rather than us competing with each other on, like, dress sense or vibe or even the music.

You mentioned therapy. Was that while you were still in the band?

I went into therapy a couple years after leaving. I kind of went off the rails a little bit and just couldn't really figure out what was making me sad. So, you know, my team got somebody around to help me through a couple of different, difficult things that I was going through. I was just trying to figure myself out. It was just such a strange course through life, and then when the switch turns off you're left to your own devices...

Did it throw you off when the band’s scheduled just stopped? Going from having a two-year plan to not even having a two-day plan?

I mean, yeah, we went through a really weird retirement phase. It’s quite funny, when my dad retired, I was telling him what to expect: first off, you're not going to get out of bed for ages, and then all of a sudden you get an urge to get out of bed all the time and start trying to do stuff just to seem like you are doing things. But I think everyone in the band went through this really weird retirement phase and trying to switch off. For me, I remember standing in my garden at my house and just looking around thinking, “It's been a lot of fun, but what do I do now that’s done? What actually happens at this point? Who do I call? Who is the ‘point of’ person?” I just didn't really know what was going to happen; a very strange thing to be involved in. All of it is weird, but that was a real strange moment. But things pick up and slowly you start getting back into the groove again.

Were you worried about not being famous any more? Or making music? About it all just stopping?

Actually, no. I kind of always knew that something would happen. I just didn't know what the hell it was going to be. And that was the scariest part of it. You just didn't really want to make a fool of yourself at that point. I think after such a long legacy of your band being absolutely amazing, the most important thing was make sure you don’t step off that pedestal; don't embarrass yourself. The biggest worry was don't ruin the legacy.

Let's talk about the underwear campaign with Hugo Boss. These are some incredible photographs taken by Mert and Marcus…

It got very raunchy very quickly. I hadn’t been properly warned about the amount of nudity Mert and Marcus do in their work, let's say. Mert’s actually become a really good friend now. We were in his house to three in the morning the other day singing karaoke, which is so funny. Yeah, I mean, really great to work with. I think everyone was quite surprised early on that they wanted to work with me and it kind of gave us a little nod and an entry into working in fashion proper.

Had you always wanted to land an underwear campaign?

Before we landed the deal with Hugo Boss I’d gone into my gym and said, “I'm going to get an underwear commercial.” I just wanted to do it; I knew I could do it. And then it actually happened! And I worked my ass off and I'm still hitting the gym: I didn't realise once you get on that thing you can't really turn it off. You've got to keep it going. Like I said, it’s been a lot of training and being an athlete and working out – it became 90 per cent of my job for the best part of a year leading up to that shoot, which was crazy. Come 2019 everyone's a lot more open about body image and I wanted to get in shape. Not to show off my body to anyone else, I just knew that’s what would give the confidence on set. I didn’t want to arrive not ready and not looking like I��d worked hard to get there. But what a thing to do and then to go on to designing clothes for Hugo Boss too – an amazing experience. We actually had the first design meeting [for the clothing line] here and I remember in the car on the way to the meeting thinking, “What have you got yourself into?” That always seems to happen to me. I was lucky enough to spend some time with a friend of mine, Kim Jones [artistic director at Dior menswear], and he gave me some great advice: “It’s the same as music: once you’ve had a hit you know what people want from you.” And I took that with me into the design meeting and used that to help the whole process. Find the hit and make it work.

Have you done a nude shoot before?

No! Well, not a planned one, at least. There was a lot of tequila involved for this shoot. I mean, the first day we did most of the shots for the capsule collection and then the last shots were the box shots for the front of the underwear packaging – which was just like, “Wow, I get to be the guy on the box,” which was a real moment. I’d never take that for granted. And then like the next day, we set up again and the model, Stella Maxwell, she's in the shoot with me. And it just ended up being a lot more naked than I thought it was – and for her as well. She was also naked. And I was just, you know, “Don’t look!” She was naked behind me and I was thinking, “Liam, don’t look whatever you do.”

Talk to me about the curtain shot...

Wow. Yes, I mean it was just a room full of five or six people and a hell of a lot of tequila to get me to this level. I was standing there and all of a sudden it was, “Right, OK, take them off.” I'm like, “Really? Take them off? Off, off? Like on-the-floor off? Oh, my God.” And there was a real hollow moment afterwards where I was sitting outside smoking a cigarette thinking, “I have basically just shot soft-core porn.” For one, my mum is going to kill me. For another thing, I don’t know how far this is going to go... That was just the first shot! It was a lot of fun to shoot but my mum wasn’t best pleased. There’s this really raunchy shot of me and Stella, and I showed my mum. She took one look at it and gave me a clip round the ear. All I was thinking was, “I better not tell her about the London buses!”

Still, your parents must be very proud?

The One Direction thing was enough. Just to get to that level. I would have happily walked away at that point. But now with all the other things I have managed to achieve, not least this underwear campaign with Hugo Boss, it’s meant a lot to me personally. I think it’s got me closer to those men whom I respect so much, people like David Beckham and Brad Pitt, such icons in their own lifestyles. It’s a real pinch-me moment. I can’t believe it hasn’t all burnt down to the ground yet, to be honest.

You mentioned a bad patch, a depression of sorts?

There was a lot of stuff. I was drinking too much and getting into really bad, bad situations for quite some time actually. And I hit a peak moment where I knew the drinking was going to get me; I needed to do something about it. I spent a lot of time drinking to escape the crazy world that I had created for myself. I didn't know what I was doing. That first therapy session and being like, “I don't even know what I like or anything about myself” – it was pretty scary stuff. I was afraid of how far my career was going and that it might go even further. You can say, “Who is afraid of success?” But that’s what it entails sometimes. Success has got the better of me on more than one occasion. When I am losing I tend to concentrate more.

Did you stop drinking for a bit?

Yes, I got sober for about a year, cutting down so the only vice was cigarettes. I hadn't planned to go sober forever, it was more important for me to say I didn't actually didn't need to drink. I wanted to prove it. I did the whole year, no booze completely, and at that point I didn’t actually know being sober was making my life any better. Things went up, but things like my social life plummeted. I was the biggest recluse on the planet. I would get up at 5am and go running in the park, but at night I would be in bed by 7pm. Is that a way to live your life? And in a strange way I am trying to still figure all that out and get the balance right between being a party animal and being an animal in the gym – the latter not being fun at all. We are all at fault; we all need balance.

So, 12 December: Boris or Jeremy?

I think I will vote but I am always out of the country. We need a mobile app where we can vote with our thumbprint or something. I mean, in regards to Boris or Jeremy, I don't think we give people enough time. Same with West Brom football club. They always change their manager every week it seems and we never get time to gel with anybody. So it's like, if I was changing my manager every week, I'd probably be really shit too. We need to give someone a chance to at least have a proper go of it or it will never be fixed. Also, I don't think it's always the one person that's to blame. Take Winston Churchill, people hated him at first, thought he was a drunk, that he had no clue, [wondered] what’s he doing going to war. Maybe we should all just be more like Winston Churchill.

Zayn has been through his own difficulties with fame and anxiety...

I think for anybody entering into these talent shows we do them for specific reasons. And I've often asked myself this question a bunch of times because we all went through it. You know, for me, as I was younger, from my own experience, I entered the show because I wanted to make my dad proud. Fast forward ten years and here we are in his office, talking about an album and an underwear campaign – incredible. But here’s the thing: you just don't know until you get there whether you're built for this or not. For Zayn, he loves music and he's an amazing talent. He genuinely was the best singer in One Direction, hand on heart, out of all of us. But for him to get to a point where, you know, he can't step on a stage? It's a lot. I mean, he's doing great. His streaming numbers are ridiculous but I do think he misses out on the performance side a bit, you know. He can't seem to get past that part. We all have it. I mean, I have this, like, brain fart syndrome: I was on medication for a while, and it was something to do with epilepsy, but I was using it for something else. And it was to do with anxiety for me too, fully prescribed, but I didn't realise that [on the medication] certain lights made me forget, well, everything. I totally forgot who I was. And lyrics. It still happens. I have a fear of it now. It happens all the time. So we all have our little beasties in that sort of scenario. But this era of talent shows, it is dangerous and some people just don’t know what they are getting into.

Did you want to reach out to him?

I did, yeah. I didn’t want him to feel like he was going through this all alone in some ways, or that we were all out to get him. We're the only people who know what you're going through. The only five people who know what you are going through were all in a room together once, and you left – fair enough – but you don’t want anyone going through such evils for no reason. But it got to a point with me where I wouldn’t know where to begin with Zayn. I hope he has good people around him, but I don’t at this stage think it’s anything the rest of us can solve.

Are there still grudges between the five of you?

Definitely in some part, yeah. We had our differences throughout the whole experience with some things. I still think about some stuff that was said and done that now I would do differently, but then that's all part of growing up. Being in One Direction was such a schoolyard mentality somehow – the One Direction University, I call it. Everyone has stuff they’ve said at parties they wished they hadn’t but, for us, the difference was that it was all happening in front of the world. Now we are older, for me certainly there are things that I am just not as bothered about. I think with Zayn’s particular exit and the way he chose to go, we haven’t really heard from him since he left. He didn’t even say goodbye, if I am being honest. It was a really sordid scenario, from our side certainly. A bit strange. It’s difficult.

The Hugo x Liam Payne bodywear collection is available now. Payne’s debut album, LP1, is out 6 December and available to pre-order now.

[rwmhunt]

Leviticus, Chapter 22

1. Lo, for That I cannot prosecute my thoughts; I needst here cultivate caution- Then put a hold unto my options, That I cannot challenge him. Any source of information, That be of an admixture truth, And of an admixture untruth, is of a danger, Did you know that? Humbly needst I move toward diamonds and gold's Otherwise-useless demarkation on worth; My face must stay its specter in clay, For it is my career; That I can say: It is mine.

2. Thus, to Aaron, gold and diamonds Bringeth ignominy and unwarranted power; Strewth, they are only much use for The rings of your finger; So let alone the past, Which you mark As a messed up place, How then, is this the valid Strategy for the future? Lo, let us divide and game.

3. Increase the paywall; Holy things are ringing in changes; You are the visitor here- I'd like to take the time To consciously consider you so, for We have reached besmircher's cutoff. It's me, mark it; and Either I am a negative nebulae Of unimaginable everything, And you are a little golden bull, Or you are a negative nebulae Of unimaginable everything, And I am a little golden bull;

4. But know that I shall not give you the word For the thought-track down which You might draw the line Of asymetry, such, That you wouldst know How to rend a perfect opposition To go between. And whosoever soweth dead seeds Among young female researchers Hath faileth the épreuve- It shalln’t do for thy running issue, Moreover, those women who are of Quite senior position and are doing it Unto the coercive nature of such a power's New destruction of ability to focus, As unto the camp's commander, With how Peleg begat Reu; Well, it might be enough to get you pregnant, But wait, where am I going with this?

5. Worm touchers, Creepy pressers, Come, come, observers, Keep from that strange creature; Don't be giving unto me None of thy screaming abdabs; I think on you, Pig dressed as a clown, Eructing unto, then drawing forth A near-entire white, plastic fork; And know you not how this came to me- Lo, it came up with a sequence of items that appeared Not unlike balls of meat, Furred, wistfully, in a grey cowl of reactionary mucus; A kind of veil, a barrier, in effect, Penetratable, at any point, But equally real as a barrier, Gainst our otherwise passive environs, Such as be the diffusion of inert thoughts, or spores, murky, and maintaining of a human resource, I liked to thrill it- The direct and immediate livid relationship Between a font of funding and a media event, O, harmless dalliance of the stationary cupboard- You are knowingly walking, As against your will, A wrong into the carpet, Within the tent of meaning.

6. Looking up to see God's face in the moon, Or whatever it was That can't be drawn, And I won't be drawn; His hands he filled with moisture and His own was sent for ablution Into the improvised basin. So denieth all such allegation Through the washing of thy soule, Clean off; so sloughed away, Away with the diminishing liquid.

7. Sundown with the unseen Woman's leverage on the situation- if you should find a way to redress balance, So she gaineth a bit more power in some manner, Then so what? it was no loss. A new deal, And the bill shall embolden survivors.

8. Positions of power shall have of a hard time In recognizing the coercive nature of that power Within an unbridled relationship; Things that die 'Of themselves', Or are yet rent by nature's horn, Are defiled; while I, a malign influence, lie with my soul distracted; Oh lord, but I've been swallowed by narrative, And tried to keep it communal, Inside and outside; As you are.

9. Pit stop- The horror is the fact; The horror it unfolds Through legions of would-bes Without a meter, like me, Who have applied, Will apply, in perpetuity; Just do it, Or die; if then, As I am still.

10. The individual is always Hedging toward A private business model. Attention-seeking shalln't be of sin, no! Tis sensible, keep with a forward optioning- That's why i tell you, Soujerners and servents, Who art sent to the concession to collect me my messages- My tutu is a Fendi, And my codpiece is a Bosch. We live unto a roaring attention economy. But you're not up to it. I've given them a tomato one, And also I gave them a spaghetti- We struggle to attune to where I'm compelled- Ourselves, as groups, who feel of themselves As blunted against their lack in deserved attention, Because it is a powerful, a dangerous feeling.

11. So eat souls As paid for with a priest's money, On escrow, attention Has always been currency Though rendered unimaginable Since the falling-away of the gold-standard, As was borne unto the tent of meaning, Where every page has a piece carved out, To house an advert's grab For égards; No space is secure, For security hath put an advert thither.

12. Jade lock, To knock the donald offline, So unto a stranger, Gone off to scavenge, The framers that frame themselves As refuges for free-expression Shall be rent at the fringes, forcing A redirection, away from my personal kingdom.

13. But should she go prodigal, Whosoever you are, Howeverso you might express thyself, You may now have a crack at a global audience, With incentives and disproportionate benefits Offered unto the most shameless, The demand of each to pay what scarce attention Might be rendered unto others, To get some fraction of this nominally limited resource, As unto yourself alone. Such are these poor weapons, An oversharing, That, essayed to the personal, Stretcheth my nancy stories To breaking.

O Marigold, I was bad At that, in the territories of fandom, As forced to return Unto the track over and again- Such was my leaky comprehension; Only apparent to me in the afterward, And now, I cannot say I am better.

14. Whence, Enroute from the concession Shouldst be eaten of the item Without, thence, So anguished in the relish, Thou giveth a fifth Of the holy thing; So that the leg shall grow A starfish, whole . Then let us bend our dark tubers towards, And look the knot, as in at an eye-

15. What's gold and glitter, But to mock a toom, And maketh of myself A symbolic same, Wrought as an aesthetic echt; Where diplomacy is weak, The aesthetic be yet The sole portal unto The conveyance of meaning; Verily, here, that I keep within The aesthetic of thought Whereby action is always y, You are i, and The antagonist be markated x; Where holy might only Fall down to one's discretion, You should've known That I wouldst be so solid.

16. Or suffer them to bear the enquiry of trespass, Felt as an information glut, Whilst eating of their holy orders, Found relishing within the anguish, And those who want it, Want it as much as they can get it, And  there is more access than can be vaunted, For, in an attention economy, one is never not on. Yes, me. O the guilt.

17. Attention is akin to the spirit; That it be vital but conventionally invisible, And thus, think not very much upon it, But unto whom, being unable to share A simple encounter with it, Wouldst soon become an artifice of torture.

18. Tell Aaron et al ensundry, To take up of stock with sarcastic markets, Sarcastic markets and I, impunity; The sacrifice of your own will I hand you freely; or no; T'was never yours to oblate, But sacrifice thy quasi-will, As will thee, Which is mine, against The short hedge, Thus maketh me of a currency exchange.

19. And an haut stud dost thou, unto me, weasels? By your whimsically free-will sacrificing? How charmingly lame. I sense Actors at play, in a very long game Of grooming the disaffected- Call me my boys in- then Send a lie to the long deceiver, To use the ruse, in turn, like poison, For to wish you that which upon may be Enabling unto the benefit of thine enemy.

20. It's no hambone, No hobbling billy- If he tells or interferes I'll fill the well in; its Prophets in stocks and neck-irons time, Else tolerate such increasingly radical agendas Of such gleefully uninhibited platforms as Where followers might laugh At biblical memes and opine such as- 'I'd rather do drama than a play, where, You can't say, really, What you want to say.' Go long, my cowhands, go long.

21. And peace is a sacrifice Of the streaming platform, while Attention has always been currency, Same. Our abilities to pay heed are limited; Not so our abilities to theoretically receive of it; No need to adequately substantiate If you can bamboozle With all the time in the world, Ka-pow-ka, ching-ching, da-da, Badoo-daboo-baday; Trust-modesty, yay, verily. Humility is hard to sustain In an attention economy. I only see me accelerating.

22. Blind, broken, maimed; Cankered, scurvied, wan with the wen, Thus, by my lights, The fault shall be displaced, Be it cleaned or weeping, Tis a no-no, get me another. Such was The schism that fractured the donald, Sent out to extend a tortured metaphor, Became too much of a liability To be held in high office- But if the stranger doesn't come, After all the things I’ve done for him,

23. Well, it's alright for a free-will offering Which you feel compelled to go along with, But it's not good enough for a vow offering As be brought unto online-influencer culture, And it might be enough to get you pregnant But it shan't be enough to stir my interest- I require an extreme case of humility, Whereby a person giveth his all to a presence so completely selfish As to serveth no other purpose. It's me.

24. But the reality is far less complicated than Moses, Hiding his damage behind a veil of linked-up back-channels, Recoiling at what his fellow hardcore moderators attempt to oblate; Too engrossed within the tents to consider anything outwith While hoping the whole doesn’t spin out of control.

25. Corruption is in them, strangers, Bethinks, flooding an affiliated image board So thoroughly that it becometh abomination. Here increaseth the shamelessness of wanton Allegation,  terror co-option of a social platform, which struck with the rise of a reality magik-vision, Alike as came unto a mid-80s index of abundance, Shewn running away whilst attempting to make focus On the ever-deterioratingly indistinct Object of the distancing, that It’s only when, at stopping to think about it, That the understand can be ascertained as to quite how rife it is.

26. Here, he left a passing message for Those who might collectively commandeer: Abide by life; that, if, then, I wouldn't be here.

27. Debates about amplification And attention-hijacking form a Siege mentality Of the corrupted Federal Apparatus- For seven days beneath the dam, As then a fire spiralled further Toward a more outlandish means Of unconstitutional civic theatre,

28. Whereby a calfling must be made to last The night and know it's mother As having died before slaughter; So the community Moved in after it went dark, Enjoining, then modulating, then killing off, And now Your complexes are all cooked in, Deeply infringing upon the weirds of others.

29. So must you make sacrifice To your very free will, As to common patriotic causes, Or else be sieged Within the corrupt Federal Apparatus.

30. The fundamental thing is: You cant escape my attention economy; Eat everything now, For nothing shall be saved, And this same day shall be Until tomorrow; when again, it's me.

31. Lo, and you must; it's me, remember? But by now all this blood and all this law Was affecting them, as had long been within their dream, Where they have their own rules, quirks and cultures, Which they ignore at your peril; Where environments play out upon a knife-edge, And attention might simply be a lens Through which to read the events of the moment While running away.

32. Herein, power shall not be trusted To recognize affiliated abuses of power; Yet, check, however, before Redirecting such missives from my personal kingdom, For lo, there shall be nonesuch insubordination, As might mitigate against, for I shall be hallowed; Me me me me, So you;

33. Thus, I lay my notional claim Unto my servant-leadership- as bang, That brought you out of the land, Didn't it? Akhenaten to me. So Leviticus stood at The simply-inflated Size of Capitalism, To whom, hereto, On a bench they'd built Between themselves, Be here, thisway, is addressing- 'Imagine; You have been wrong For a long long time now.'

[ts-2020-olympics]

Episode 17 -  “Bamboozle Me Faster So I Can Go To Sleep” - Sarah (FINALE)

Okay so Caeleb went out last round by a 4-3 vote against Sarah, in which, was surprised Sarah got that many votes, as I had thought Stoner was getting the votes over Sarah from the other side.  End of the day though, didn't really affect much, as target still went to jury, although was by far the toughest vote yet that I have had to make, as I really do personally like Caeleb, he was just too big a threat to be keeping around.   Now, I made the final 6, got a jigsaw immunity to try to win, or at least, one of myself, Stoner, Sarah or Tommy win this immunity, to keep the power on our side.  Then, my ideal this round would actually be Eve going over Kevin, but, I have a feeling my side will probably want to rather target Kevin.  So, will see what occurs, and go from there.   If anything, might even do a vote split if one of us 4 win immunity, but time will tell.   Anyways, it's surreal to believe that this game is almost over, and hoping to make final 5!

well........ y'all its a sad day, caeleb went home last night, 4-3 myself and eve in the minority with him, and its not looking too good for us. BUT WAIT RIGHT THERE.... i wake up and look in my bag and my CINNAMON APPLE CAELEB GAVE ME THE LEGACY ADVANTAGE !!!!! this acts as an idol at the final 6 which means I'm not going home !!!!! This is an incredible feeling but it still only gets me to the final 5, I have to play out from there until the end. I'm in a tricky situation with eve who I trust, but with this immunity being a puzzle i think if i really tried i could have a good shot at winning but do i risk winning 2 immunities in a row and THEN on top of that playing an advantage?? my threat level would increase SO MUCH, but it might be what i need, i dont see myself in the position to make any big flashy strategic moves in this end game, meaning i have to make a statement some other way to the jury. But do I risk losing the last 2 immunities?? It's an incredibly tough call that I have to make before i would like because i work through the challenge deadline and the first 2 hours of tribal, so i really need to get my shit together soon. I'm a lot of things but a quitter is not ones, im not in an ideal position but at least im in any position, better this than ponderosa. I just have to make the best move WHATEVER that is, and hope that it pays off in the longrun. Do i pitch a final 3 to tommy?? Would he take me to the end? Do i try and rekindle with sarah/stoner or do I bank on my relationship with darcy is enough to keep me in? So many factors, so little time, so many possibilities. Survivor gods please be on my side. Please. 

Eve I love you and you're great, but you pushed way too hard to know what my vote was, then tried to vote me out. Even if I'm a goat, I'm not THAT stupid 👀 Also. Even if I don't get individual immunity, I fuckin LOVE PUZZLES 

I can't believe I made it to the finale after this crazy season but it's no time to slow down I'm in the Final 6 and I need to keep playing hard because now I can be in a vulnerable position after flipping last tribal. I just need to make sure I don't go home tonight, or Darcy, or Stoner. Right now I think I can potentially win if I get to the end with the people I'm planning to so I just need to keep trying my hardest to stay afloat in this game, keep moving towards the goal and doing my best. Hopefully I end up on top! :) 

CHRIS IS VOTED OUT

Final 5 and I feel like I already lost the game, but as long as they keep me I'm going to keep fighting until the end and try to win at final tribal council if I''m able to survive. I think if I can survive tonight's Final 5 tribal I have a really good shot at making it to Final 3 so it's all about making it to Final 3 at this point because I need to be there to have a shot at winning. 

BAMBOOZLE ME FASTER SO I CAN GO TO SLEEP. But hey last tribal was spicy as hell idk how I keep being so stupid STONER YOU FOOL. I'm voting Darcy because I'm salty about being lied to, if I get voted out this round I'm ok with it because I made it this far anyways and I think I played an honest ass game. I'd rather go down with some dignity and no sense of moral turmoil and guilt (cough cough stoner) than go lying through my teeth to people I kinda like talking to. Also I watched tribal at 2am and never went to sleep again and am moderately delirious so catch me on no beauty sleep tonight only <3 

IM IN THE FINAL 5 BUT MORE IMPORTANTLY I WON IMMUNITY AND IM IN THE FINAL 4, BY 1 FREAKING POINT!!!! god bless...... i didnt confess last round so lets jump back... actually i might've but not after that TRIBAL. So basically i won immunity and had the legacy advantage which meant me and eve were in the final 5, but not everyone knew that, when i did my talking it seemed as though the consensus was DARCY... or so i thought, but either way I didnt want darcy out which meant I had to do something, despite eve wanting darcy too with my legacy advantage being the key component to that whole round I knew stoner had to go home after our last conversation together, practically threatening me and telling me im a big threat and im gonna go home, all while cockily saying he's not going anywhere, and continuously talking about how keeping him is good because he's gonna do what's "convenient" but guess what stoner, you can't reason with convenience, so he had to go. so I told eve we should do stoner instead, the threat of him having an idol had been around since the final 7 and with next round the last time to play one and my legacy being good until 6 i was in a tricky spot, so I swapped mine and eves votes to stoner and luckily they split they're votes somehow for some reason and after eves 2 were cancelled the vote was 2-2 which could have ended up as a tie but with myself and eve both SAFE we had nothing to lose to campaign at tribal why stoner should go and how we aren't going to flip our votes, in the end it worked and 4-0. After tribal i approach sarah considering her allies just blindsided her to which i am presented with the idea that she wants DARCY gone, cracks were already forming which is JUST WHAT I WANTED, i knew stoner was the glue holding sarah and darcy together if at all considering each of their relationships to him, so cutting him out broke the ice on the darcy vs sarah fued. Fast forward to now, i win immunity after a STRESSFUL FUCKING DAY OF THIS CHALLENGE, but i won so im GRATEFUL. Anyways it seems like people still wanna do Darcy, tommy and eve included, HOWEVER, if i had it my way tommy would go home tonight, he's a big physical threat and if FIC is a pressure cooker I don't see myself beating him, and if i can use this to keep darcy on my side and potentially protect me if eve flips on me at four then thats great, if not that then darcy and sarah can continue to be at each others throats while me and eve go to the final 3. 

DARCY IS VOTED OUT

SARAH IS VOTED OUT

Tonight is final trial! I need all the luck I can get, tonight it the determining factor that will show who the winner of this long chaotic season will be, stay tuned!

FINAL TRIBAL COUNCIL TAKES PLACE

Well tonight after final tribal council it feels like I have no chance, I was thrown off by nicole (Rightfully so) and didn't know how to recover. Ive learned how Egotistical and how much of a bully people see me as. I really dont see a point in winning a game if people think im those things. I really hope kevin gets his second win and joins the ranks of 2 time winners, he really deserves it, hes so kind and has been typing to me while i was crying after that all. To say the least, I dont know what else to say in this game, I had a lot of fun getting to know people. I played hard, but unfortunately I guess I need to do some self work from the sounds of it. Maybe I'm just taking Nicoles speech about me to hard, but i really thought me and her made up. Clearly, theres still some things that need to be discussed between the two of us. I never meant to hurt anyones feelings, put down anyone, or make people feel like they where beneath me, but I guess i did, and I have to own that now. This game really has reminded me of why 1) I am in this community because of the AMAZING PEOPLE ive met and 2) Why i need to take a break from them, because at the end of the day, I clearly have a lot to work on to make sure im not an egotistical bully, for some reason those words stuck with me more than anything else that was said tonight. Thank you monty and gage for the AMAZING season and the good times, sorry if my game was not as good as it could be. I feel like ive crawled my way up from the bottom so many times. And here I am sitting at FTC, feeling on the bottom again. 

[ultimateclownimagines]

( ＾∀＾) hello!! Can I request an imagine with Sonia and her s/o nervously holding hands for the first time? Thank you sm in advance (*´∇｀*)!

I LOVE SONIA SO MUCH. YOU HAVE NO IDEA. MY PRECIOUS PRINCESS

- Mod Chiaki

Sonia and her S/O holding hands for the first time

(S/O’s POV)

It was the perfect day; the sun was shining brightly, the clouds made shapes and sizes of all sorts. It was date day; I had been waiting for this for what seemed like years (but was probably only a few days). Sonia Nevermind, one of the most popular girls at Hope’s Peak Academy, has agreed to go on a date with me. The Ultimate Princess wanted to go on a date with me, the Ultimate Mathmatician.

I’m just an ordinary person, I’m just a normal student, but she agreed to go out with me. It wasn’t even me who asked her out! She asked me out! I swear it was milliseconds after she asked that I said yes, I could not keep my cool. Now, my nerves are officially setting in. As I stand outside in the moderate heat, I could feel sweat dripping down my face as I watch one couple after another go into the amusement park. Sonia said she had never gone to an amusement park before, so I thought this would be a great idea for a date.

It’s only been two minutes past our meeting point (or forty seven minutes since I arrived. I may be jumping the gun on this) and I was starting to sweat. Checking my watch, I look up when I hear heels clacking on the concrete. Long, blonde hair, petite figure, and the most adorable outfit I could think of; this was her. Looking as graceful as ever (even though she looked flustered and her hair was sticking up in some places, she was still beautiful to me).

“I am sorry, ______! I always arrive thirteen minutes before a meeting time, but it seems that there were some obstacles in my way…” She apologized to me, breathless. I blink at her and tilt my head.

“Obstacles? What do you mean?” I asked, handing her my handkerchief. Our fingers just barely graze each other, causing a small flush to crawl up my neck. I quickly look away as Sonia dabbed at her slightly glistened face.

“A few of our classmates showed up at my house and had me preoccupied for some time…” She sighed, handing my handkerchief back. Inwardly, I’m letting out a frustrated groan. Of course, I bet it was Kazuichi who dragged some of our classmates to Sonia’s. Probably wanting to interrupt our date.

“Well…” I sigh, trying my best to smile, “I’m sorry that happened-“

“So I invited them to come with us!” Sonia exclaims, moving to show me all of Class 77-B. You’ve gotta be kidding me…

“What’s up, _____?” Kazuichi grins at me, immediately standing very close to Sonia, “Miss Sonia said she was going to the amusement park, so we thought we’d all show her a good time!” My eyes widen a bit and I began to overthink…

Don’t tell me… This date was all in my head…? Did she only invite me out because I look like someone safe…? Oh god! Did I fall for a prank? Did I walk into a trap?! Curse this girl and her beautiful looks! I’ve been bamboozled, haven’t I?!

“Um…” Sonia waves a hand in front of my face, “__________? Are you alright?” Quickly clearing my throat, I hold up the two tickets I bought for Sonia and I.

“I’m sorry, I wasn’t prepared for me people, so I only bought the two tickets…” I give her a sheepish smile. Sonia, seeming to understand my embarrassment, looks to her classmates, then back to me.

“Guess we’ll just have to come back another time, MIss Sonia-“ Quickly, Sonia grabs my hand and drags me inside.

“S-Sonia-!?” I cry as I’m dragged into the amusement park.

“I am sorry, but there has been some confusion! You all should go home!” Sonia calls as she whisks me inside the joyful music and colors that belonged to the amusement park.

“S-Sonia-!” I call to her, trying to slow us down. This girl doesn’t look that strong! “Sonia!” I call once more. Seeming to come to her senses, Sonia stops and turns towards me.

“What is it?” She asks, tilting her head.

“Is that okay? To leave your friends behind?”

“Why should it not be? We are friends, are we not?” She asks again. Damn it, she’s cute… But I don’t just want to be her friend… “Are we not friends…?” She asks me again, her face seeming to fall every moment that I stay quiet. I guess it’s time to face the music.

“O-Of course we are-“ But before I could get another word in edge wise, Sonia lets out a small yelp and drops my hand. I blink, looking at my now cooling hand and back up to her. A small blush has dusted her porcelain cheeks.

“I-I am sorry!” She bows to me deeply. I’m starting to be very confused by this girl, “If you do not wish to be out with me, I understand!” How did… How did we get from point A to point B? I don’t quite understand…

“Why wouldn’t I want to be out with you…?”

“W-Well… You just… You got quiet and you got distant at the entrance a-and we were holding hands… a-and… I am afraid that I have offended you…” She mumbles, not quite meeting my gaze.

“…Let’s get on the Ferris Wheel,” I tell her, pointing to the ride behind her.

“W-What…?” She looked between me and the ferris wheel, even more confused now that I had just jumped from one topic to the next.

“Come on!” I grin, running by her towards the line of the ferris wheel.

“P-Please wait!” She calls after me, reach the line soon after me. We waited in silence for a few moments. Although it was a tense silence, I could feel her eyes staring at the back of my head. Is she trying to read my mind?

“Did you know my parents fell in love on a ferris wheel?” I asked her, trying to make a conversation.

“I-I did not…” She mumbles, trying to get into my line of sight. I gulp a bit as we step on to the platform. My hands are starting to get sweaty… Damn it, I’m nervous…

“I-It was kind of hard for my dad… Because he’s such a nerdy guy and he’d never been out with a girl before…” I continue as we sit across from each other on the platform, “A-And… This sounds so… Out there… But… He knew she was the one for him when they held hands…”

“When they… held hands?” Sonia asks, tilting her head. I nod in response.

“It’s like… He found his puzzle piece when she held his hand…” I inform her. Gulping, I look her in the eyes… “Can I… sit next to you…?” I ask. Sonia smiles ever so softly and scoots over for me to sit beside her.

“Are we…?” Sonia asks, tilting her head with her hand up.

“A-Are we… w-what…?” I really want to die now. My voice keeps cracking and I’m so nervous I’m sweating bullets. If I hold hands with her, she’d know I’m sweating bullets, but I really want to hold her hand again. Earlier… It felt so natural. Like our hands were meant to be attached… It was so normal… The type of thing that only happens once in a lifetime I bet…

“Can I hold your hand…?” Sonia asks, smiling at me once again. It’s as if her smile has me hypnotized because all I could do was nod a bit. In the next few moments, it was as if a century passed while I watched her take my hand and slowly intertwine our fingers. Just like I thought… A puzzle piece…

“Amazing…” I mumble, looking up at her.

“A perfect fit if I ever saw one,” She smiles at me and watch as the ferris wheel rolled to the top.

________________________________________________________________

I hope this is alright! If it is not up to your liking, please let me know!

- Mod Chiaki

[artificialqueens]

Notebooks and post-it’s - chapter 2 - (Branjie) - thankyoumissvanjie

A/N: come the angst filled rabbit hole with me.

“Oh. It’s you. What do you want?” Vanjie wanted to shiver with the iciness of her tone, as Brooke just kept on blending her purple smokey eyes.

“We got’s to talk.”

LINK TO AO3 HERE

The season 11 tour was an experience.

It was hard work, an insane amount of travelling and also a bit like being on summer camp.

There was no other way for Nina explain it. Being together with her season 11 sisters was amazing. The absence of cameras made them all relax more, which made the drama disappear.

It made it possible for her to really appreciate all her sisters.

She was in awe over Yvie’s drag, she loved A’keria and her tendency to stir the pot. Plastique, Soju and Ariel made her feel old while teaching her everything about filters and hashtags. Shuga was a delight and Silky was loud and fun. Vanjie was… different?

Nina couldn’t really put her finger on it. Vanjie was still loud and hilarious. But something seemed very off.

It was, however, difficult to investigate, as both Silky and A’keria had kind of closed ranks around Vanjie.

They probably thought that Vanjie needed protection from Brooke, even though the Canadian queen was isolating herself from everyone, even Nina.

The last time Brock had reached out to her was weeks ago, as he called her in the middle of the night, sobbing and completely out of it. From what Nina could gather, Brock had drunk dialled Vanjie, only to realise that she was with… someone.

Nina tried to console him, to tell him that maybe he needed to reach out to Vanjie after he had sobered up.

But she knew that he hadn’t done it. In fact, the day after all she got was a text that said

Sorry. Got a bit too drunk last night and was an idiot. Please don’t make a thing out of this.

So Nina didn’t.

She left Brock alone and saw him transform into Brooke Lynn Hytes, current reigning queen. Brooke was flawless and if you didn’t know her you would think that she was doing okay.

But Nina could see the protective layers of ice that she had covered herself in. She saw how Brooke only truly shined on the stage and during Meet & Greet’s.

Nina noticed how the smile would fall from her lips the moment Brooke walked backstage. How the queen would keep to herself and not really participate in any of the shenanigans.

But Nina didn’t know what to do. Brooke had put up an impenetrable wall that would’ve made Trump jealous.

Seeing the heartbreak that Brooke was going through made Nina want to yell at Vanjie.

Except, It was clear that she was hurting too.

It was obvious that her eyes sought out Brooke in every room she entered. Just for a moment. Every single time that Vanjie thought no one was looking, she would search for Brooke.

So what was a soft and cuddly Miss Congeniality, who most of all just wanted her friends to be okay to do? Brooke was out of the question, and getting close to Vanjie seemed almost impossible to-

“Hello, hello, hello Miss Nina. Whadya done being hiding here?” The loud trucker voice startled her out of stupor, making her jump a little in her heels.

She turned around, coming face to face with Vanjie in full drag. Her brunette hair, thigh high boots and sparkly t-shirt dress made her look street-fish.

What she also noted was that Vanjie was alone.

“Biiiitch. You can’t scare an old woman like that!” Vanjie’s laugh sounded like a cross between a dying seagull and an old man having an asthma attack. Which in turn made Nina laugh.

Fucking Vanjie.

They both stopped laughing at the same time, staring at each other. Nina opened her mouth ready to finally broach the subject of a certain moody Canadian, but it was Vanjie who spoke first.

“How is he?” It was said quietly, yet quickly. Vanjie looked slightly surprised, as if she herself was bamboozled over the fact that she had actually asked that question.

It was certainly not what Nina expected.

“He’s…” she didn’t want to out Brock, certainly not to his ex. But lying to Vanjie also seemed out of the question. “...good. Yeah. Good.”

That fooled no one, you idiot.

“Don’t be lying. I know him. He be drinking and smoking like he’s Bianca’s Motherfucking twin. He ain’t right and I think I gone done fucked up…”

“Vanj…”

“I know you his good Judy and I ain’t trying to be starting anything… just… I see him and get emotianat- emotio- I get up in my feelings okay. He doesn't look good, Nina.”

“I know. But I-“

“And then he called me - we ain’t talking for months and he just calls drunk on vodka. What was I ‘posed to do? He had on his sad big eyes, looking like I ate the last bit of that stupid Canadian food he fucking love-“

“Poutine ?”

“Yeah, that Putin shit… He done left me, and then he be calling, at night? That’s some wrong ass shit, Miss Nina. I am trying to move on instead of thinking ‘bout what could’ve been. Bitch left me, so why he moping like a toddler?”

“You guys left each other. You were both scared and not ready. You know this. Stop only blaming him, Vanj.”

“I ain’t blaming him! I am just sayin’... he left me.” Her voice cracked on the last syllable. It made Nina’s heart ache.

These two idiots.

“Maybe you guys should talk with each. You’re not okay, and he is… whatever he is. Maybe you need to clear the air, there’s obviously some unfinished business here.”

“Okay, Miss A’keria. Have you seen that tall glass of Canadian ball busting ballerina? He don’t wanna talk with me. I’ve tried.”

“It’s Brooke. You gotta give her no choice. And come on. You’re Vanessa Vanjie Mateo. Since when have you ever let a little Canadian bacon get in your way”

“Well shit, mama. You’re right.” And with that she turned on her heel, marching down the hall with determined steps towards Brooks room.

_________

Vanjie was a chicken.

Despite her determined steps and iron will, she found herself faltering as she stood outside Brooke’s room.

Could she really do this? Maybe Nina was wrong, maybe she should just forget about all of this.

But then she thought about Brooke’s face, the way that she didn’t really seem happy anymore, and made a quick decision.

She was Miss Motherfucking Vanjie, and she sure as shit didn’t hide away nobody.

Pushing open the door, Vanjie barged in, quickly closing the door after herself, ensuring that they would have no audience for this.

The sudden sound made Brooke look up startled, getting eye contact through the mirror with Vanjie.

Her face went through several emotions in a span of a few seconds - all too quick for Vanjie to identify any of them - before she settled on cold and blank disinterest.

“Oh. It’s you. What do you want?” Vanjie wanted to shiver with the iciness of her tone, as Brooke just kept on blending her purple smokey eyes.

“We got’s to talk.”

“I’ve got nothing to say to you. Please leave”

“No.”

“Vanj. Leave.”

“Nu-uh Mama, we doing this.” Vanjie quickly turned around and locked the door, leaning with her back up against looking right at Brooke.

She knew that Brooke could lift her with a pinky, if she really wanted to move her, but shit, there weren’t a lot of options left.

“Oh. So now you want to talk?” Brooke turned around in her chair, looking Vanjie directly in the eye instead of through the mirror. Her eyes were thunderous and Vanjie wanted to cheer out loud, as it was the most emotion the queen had directed at her since it became official that they had broken up.

“Yeah. I’m done hidin’... So let’s talk.” Crossing her arms in front of her chest, Vanjie looked at Brooke expectantly.

“About what? What could I possibly have to say to you?” Brooke got up from her swivel chair and walked towards Vanjie. She was wearing her signature blonde hair and her purple stepford-wife-kaftan-realness dress was swishing behind her.

Vanjie’s mouth dried up, as she was once again reminded of the beauty that was Brock in full drag. The beauty and grace made Vanjie want to stare at her forever, while also making her tingle with the need to wreck the sheer perfection in front of her.

“No really? What? You want to talk about how everyone is blaming me? What about your little post-it quote? Should we discuss how A’keria and Silky keep giving me the side eye?” Brooke’s voice slowly increased in volume as she walked closer and closer to Vanjie. Towering over the smaller queen.

“No wait… I know. Let’s talk about how I fucking have to stare are your face every day and be reminded of what could’ve been!” Brooke poked Vanjie in the chest her eyes flashing.

“I am done with all of this.”

Vanjie’s heart skipped a beat as her mind processed what Brooke had just said “what could’ve been”, the air electric between them.

“We have a meet & greet in 10 minutes.” Brooke was gorgeous, her blue eyes like a storm, anger collected in the fine lines of her face. “So move.”

“No.” Vanjie stood her ground, the word almost getting caught in her throat, Brooke looking like a hunter.

“Move.”

Brooke stepped forward, and Vanjie was the first one to move, her hand slamming into Brooke’s chest pushing her back slightly

“Oh...” Brooke looked down at the hand, like she couldn’t believe what Vanjie had just done.

Brooke shoved back, Vanjie almost stumbling, and then they were kissing, teeth clicking, lips sliding, hands gripping, tearing, taking and Vanjie wanted to disappear into Brooke.

“You fucking bitch.”

The words were hissed through clenched teeth, as Vanjie grabbed Brooke’s hair, her fingers buried in the blonde wig and pulling, forcing Brooke closer, making her be the aggressor. Brooke was quick to catch on, slamming Vanjie against the door.

“No, you’re the bitch.” Brooke whispered it between kisses.

It was hot and hateful, tender and burning, everything crashing down with the words they could not bring themselves to say out loud. Their bodies telling stories of longing and love, of broken promises and heartbreaks that were still bleeding. Tender stories of what they both so desperately wished they could still have; their swollen lips, gripping fingers and tender jaws an exchange between two wounded people who had no language left, but the most primal of all.

It was Brooke who broke them apart.

Brooke who stood up and turned to the mirror, checking her makeup.

It was Brooke who avoided Vanjie’s eyes as she calmly walked out of the dressing room with the parting words:

“You better fix your makeup, meet & greet starts soon”

Vanjie was left all alone in the dressing room. With a heaving chest, wide eyes and a muddled mind that tried to understand what had just happened.

“Well… shit.”

[1dreality]

I remember meeting Liam Payne once before. I was writing the cover story on One Direction for this very magazine four years ago and, finally, after endless tail chasing and schedule clashes, I managed to pin all five members down backstage at the O2 shortly before they played to what seemed like a bazillion screaming teenagers. The air was heavy with the fug of Haribo Starmix and raging hormones; even at that point the band were already more popular than The Beatles in some circles. Or, as John Lennon would have put it, Jesus.

The band members were courteous and convivial. One certainly got the impression that their time wasn’t their own, although any cracks that would end up splintering the band some years later were kept well hidden. I remember Payne for being perhaps the most grounded out of all five of them. He seemed to have an ease with his status and fortune that kept his ego in check. He seemed genuinely bamboozled at the hysteria going on around them. He was a young, ambitious pop star caught in fame’s full beams.

Last week, in some respects, a very different man sat down for an exclusive chat with GQ Hype. He’s certainly more hench, as this exclusive shoot with fashion photographers Mert Alas and Marcus Piggott prove. Whoa. We talked about his sizzling new underwear campaign with Hugo, his first nude shoot (which may well be his last if his dear mother has anything to do with it) and we reminisced about his One Direction days, a period which he came out of shaken, sure, but not completely upside down or inside out.

He’s been through a great deal since the end of being one fifth of the biggest boybands in history – drink problems, therapy, marriage, fatherhood, anxiety – but at his core he’s still that same multi-talented, hard-working boy from Wolverhampton, honest about his faults and still excited to see where all this is taking him. Undoubtedly, he’s a man who wears his heart on his sleeve. Well, when he’s wearing any sleeves at all...

GQ: So how’s the build-up to the debut album, LP1?

Liam Payne: Good, can’t complain. Just rewriting a lot of things in my world at the moment. That’s why I was in with my top, top manager for a while just reconfiguring things towards the end of the year.

What are you reconfiguring?

Well, we just kind of ticked off album one. The writing process was interesting to say the least. I mean, it was almost like blind dating in LA with different writers, and when that happens it’s hard to get traction, or get to know anyone properly, or let your guard down in a way. You feel like you’re going into different rooms all the time, with different styles. There are so many things that can affect the writing unless you find that one person who can carry you all the way through a record. Post Malone has a producer called Louis Bell, whom he works with, and there's a common stitch throughout the whole thing that kind of puts it all together properly, whereas we never really found that.

How come that never materialised?

I was going through a bunch of stuff when we started writing the album – growing up and all sorts of different shit coming out of the band. So for me it wasn't the best entry into the writing side of it and making personal music rather than writing for a band. So it was difficult, but I mean the album is done and coming out and I absolutely love it and it's just interesting to see that my favourite is from when I was younger. The first albums I listened to actually helped create my first album, so super cool.

It sounds like it’s been a long process getting the debut album finished?

It’s been, since “Strip That Down” really, the best part of two maybe three years to get everything finished. And it was difficult. I mean, it's opening up at first and trying to figure out who you are and what people want to know from you. And what the sound is. Trying to find that medium point for all those things. It's just the most difficult thing, especially at a young age when you're constantly changing and you don't really know yourself yet. We spent the best part of five years in a band closed off from the world and I had to go through this really weird transition inside that band as the world, and then myself, came out of it. I mean, even in my therapy sessions, my therapist asked me, “What do you actually like to do?” And I'm like, “I don’t know what I like doing!”

Most people presumed you came out of One Direction fully formed. That wasn’t the case?

Everything changed. New teams, new managers, new labels. Building those working relationships can be tricky. You also become the boss of your own shit, and I was 21, 22 when I first started doing my own thing, so it’s all a bit scary and can be a bit lonely. That’s not a complaint; it's also a lot of fun as well. We have a great time. Now the band members have all worked our way through this first couple of years, you can kind of see everyone's finding their own feet. Take Harry [Styles] at the moment. You know, he's just found what I think is his sound and exactly where he wants to be, which took him a little minute to get into since he had his last album out. So, yeah, it just takes time.

Towards the end of One Direction, were you aware of everyone’s own tastes developing?

I think so. I mean, for me, someone like Louis [Tomlinson] always had a very specific taste – things like Green Day, that was the era he was from... also Oasis and old Robbie Williams. Harry always played an eclectic mix of stuff too. I can always remember the one time Harry put Rick Springfield’s “Jessie's Girl’ on and I had never really heard it before but it was an interesting choice. I liked it nevertheless. And then for me, I mean, when I wrote “Better Than Words” for the last 1D album, it had a different rhythm for us, something we hadn’t done before. So you could definitely see those unique tastes early on. I think funnily enough it was through fashion and style that our own perspectives could be seen most of all, all hints of what was to come for us. We would always wear black on stage, black skinny jeans and a black T-shirt, but maybe we’d add something else as individuals. I remember Harry having these cool rings, for example, and then he’d go crazy with his shirts as time went on. Saying that, I think Louis still dresses pretty much the same as he used to.

Was it competitive with the other band members?

I mean, for me personally, I don't think I ever really looked at it that way. I think the biggest question for all of us at the start was figuring out who the hell we were without each other around, which is a really weird thing because you’d found your dynamic and role within the band. But then when you started a solo thing it was almost like leaving like school or university and trying to find your place within the real world. So I think it was more the pressure of that than anything else, rather than us competing with each other on, like, dress sense or vibe or even the music.

You mentioned therapy. Was that while you were still in the band?

I went into therapy a couple years after leaving. I kind of went off the rails a little bit and just couldn't really figure out what was making me sad. So, you know, my team got somebody around to help me through a couple of different, difficult things that I was going through. I was just trying to figure myself out. It was just such a strange course through life, and then when the switch turns off you're left to your own devices...

Did it throw you off when the band’s scheduled just stopped? Going from having a two-year plan to not even having a two-day plan?

I mean, yeah, we went through a really weird retirement phase. It’s quite funny, when my dad retired, I was telling him what to expect: first off, you're not going to get out of bed for ages, and then all of a sudden you get an urge to get out of bed all the time and start trying to do stuff just to seem like you are doing things. But I think everyone in the band went through this really weird retirement phase and trying to switch off. For me, I remember standing in my garden at my house and just looking around thinking, “It's been a lot of fun, but what do I do now that’s done? What actually happens at this point? Who do I call? Who is the ‘point of’ person?” I just didn't really know what was going to happen; a very strange thing to be involved in. All of it is weird, but that was a real strange moment. But things pick up and slowly you start getting back into the groove again.

Were you worried about not being famous any more? Or making music? About it all just stopping?

Actually, no. I kind of always knew that something would happen. I just didn't know what the hell it was going to be. And that was the scariest part of it. You just didn't really want to make a fool of yourself at that point. I think after such a long legacy of your band being absolutely amazing, the most important thing was make sure you don’t step off that pedestal; don't embarrass yourself. The biggest worry was don't ruin the legacy.

Let's talk about the underwear campaign with Hugo. These are some incredible photographs taken by Mert and Marcus…

It got very raunchy very quickly. I hadn’t been properly warned about the amount of nudity Mert and Marcus do in their work, let's say. Mert’s actually become a really good friend now. We were in his house to three in the morning the other day singing karaoke, which is so funny. Yeah, I mean, really great to work with. I think everyone was quite surprised early on that they wanted to work with me and it kind of gave us a little nod and an entry into working in fashion proper.

Had you always wanted to land an underwear campaign?

Before we landed the deal with Hugo I’d gone into my gym and said, “I'm going to get an underwear commercial.” I just wanted to do it; I knew I could do it. And then it actually happened! And I worked my ass off and I'm still hitting the gym: I didn't realise once you get on that thing you can't really turn it off. You've got to keep it going. Like I said, it’s been a lot of training and being an athlete and working out – it became 90 per cent of my job for the best part of a year leading up to that shoot, which was crazy. Come 2019 everyone's a lot more open about body image and I wanted to get in shape. Not to show off my body to anyone else, I just knew that’s what would give the confidence on set. I didn’t want to arrive not ready and not looking like I’d worked hard to get there. But what a thing to do and then to go on to designing clothes for Hugo too – an amazing experience. We actually had the first design meeting [for the clothing line] here and I remember in the car on the way to the meeting thinking, “What have you got yourself into?” That always seems to happen to me. I was lucky enough to spend some time with a friend of mine, Kim Jones [artistic director at Dior menswear], and he gave me some great advice: “It’s the same as music: once you’ve had a hit you know what people want from you.” And I took that with me into the design meeting and used that to help the whole process. Find the hit and make it work.

Have you done a nude shoot before?

No! Well, not a planned one, at least. There was a lot of tequila involved for this shoot. I mean, the first day we did most of the shots for the capsule collection and then the last shots were the box shots for the front of the underwear packaging – which was just like, “Wow, I get to be the guy on the box,” which was a real moment. I’d never take that for granted. And then like the next day, we set up again and the model, Stella Maxwell, she's in the shoot with me. And it just ended up being a lot more naked than I thought it was – and for her as well. She was also naked. And I was just, you know, “Don’t look!” She was naked behind me and I was thinking, “Liam, don’t look whatever you do.”

Talk to me about the curtain shot...

Wow. Yes, I mean it was just a room full of five or six people and a hell of a lot of tequila to get me to this level. I was standing there and all of a sudden it was, “Right, OK, take them off.” I'm like, “Really? Take them off? Off, off? Like on-the-floor off? Oh, my God.” And there was a real hollow moment afterwards where I was sitting outside smoking a cigarette thinking, “I have basically just shot soft-core porn.” For one, my mum is going to kill me. For another thing, I don’t know how far this is going to go... That was just the first shot! It was a lot of fun to shoot but my mum wasn’t best pleased. There’s this really raunchy shot of me and Stella, and I showed my mum. She took one look at it and gave me a clip round the ear. All I was thinking was, “I better not tell her about the London buses!”

Still, your parents must be very proud?

The One Direction thing was enough. Just to get to that level. I would have happily walked away at that point. But now with all the other things I have managed to achieve, not least this underwear campaign with Hugo, it’s meant a lot to me personally. I think it’s got me closer to those men whom I respect so much, people like David Beckham and Brad Pitt, such icons in their own lifestyles. It’s a real pinch-me moment. I can’t believe it hasn’t all burnt down to the ground yet, to be honest.

You mentioned a bad patch, a depression of sorts?

There was a lot of stuff. I was drinking too much and getting into really bad, bad situations for quite some time actually. And I hit a peak moment where I knew the drinking was going to get me; I needed to do something about it. I spent a lot of time drinking to escape the crazy world that I had created for myself. I didn't know what I was doing. That first therapy session and being like, “I don't even know what I like or anything about myself” – it was pretty scary stuff. I was afraid of how far my career was going and that it might go even further. You can say, “Who is afraid of success?” But that’s what it entails sometimes. Success has got the better of me on more than one occasion. When I am losing I tend to concentrate more.

Did you stop drinking for a bit?

Yes, I got sober for about a year, cutting down so the only vice was cigarettes. I hadn't planned to go sober forever, it was more important for me to say I didn't actually didn't need to drink. I wanted to prove it. I did the whole year, no booze completely, and at that point I didn’t actually know being sober was making my life any better. Things went up, but things like my social life plummeted. I was the biggest recluse on the planet. I would get up at 5am and go running in the park, but at night I would be in bed by 7pm. Is that a way to live your life? And in a strange way I am trying to still figure all that out and get the balance right between being a party animal and being an animal in the gym – the latter not being fun at all. We are all at fault; we all need balance.

So, 12 December: Boris or Jeremy?

I think I will vote but I am always out of the country. We need a mobile app where we can vote with our thumbprint or something. I mean, in regards to Boris or Jeremy, I don't think we give people enough time. Same with West Brom football club. They always change their manager every week it seems and we never get time to gel with anybody. So it's like, if I was changing my manager every week, I'd probably be really shit too. We need to give someone a chance to at least have a proper go of it or it will never be fixed. Also, I don't think it's always the one person that's to blame. Take Winston Churchill, people hated him at first, thought he was a drunk, that he had no clue, [wondered] what’s he doing going to war. Maybe we should all just be more like Winston Churchill.

Zayn has been through his own difficulties with fame and anxiety...

I think for anybody entering into these talent shows we do them for specific reasons. And I've often asked myself this question a bunch of times because we all went through it. You know, for me, as I was younger, from my own experience, I entered the show because I wanted to make my dad proud. Fast forward ten years and here we are in his office, talking about an album and an underwear campaign – incredible. But here’s the thing: you just don't know until you get there whether you're built for this or not. For Zayn, he loves music and he's an amazing talent. He genuinely was the best singer in One Direction, hand on heart, out of all of us. But for him to get to a point where, you know, he can't step on a stage? It's a lot. I mean, he's doing great. His streaming numbers are ridiculous but I do think he misses out on the performance side a bit, you know. He can't seem to get past that part. We all have it. I mean, I have this, like, brain fart syndrome: I was on medication for a while, and it was something to do with epilepsy, but I was using it for something else. And it was to do with anxiety for me too, fully prescribed, but I didn't realise that [on the medication] certain lights made me forget, well, everything. I totally forgot who I was. And lyrics. It still happens. I have a fear of it now. It happens all the time. So we all have our little beasties in that sort of scenario. But this era of talent shows, it is dangerous and some people just don’t know what they are getting into.

Did you want to reach out to him?

I did, yeah. I didn’t want him to feel like he was going through this all alone in some ways, or that we were all out to get him. We're the only people who know what you're going through. The only five people who know what you are going through were all in a room together once, and you left – fair enough – but you don’t want anyone going through such evils for no reason. But it got to a point with me where I wouldn’t know where to begin with Zayn. I hope he has good people around him, but I don’t at this stage think it’s anything the rest of us can solve.

Are there still grudges between the five of you?

Definitely in some part, yeah. We had our differences throughout the whole experience with some things. I still think about some stuff that was said and done that now I would do differently, but then that's all part of growing up. Being in One Direction was such a schoolyard mentality somehow – the One Direction University, I call it. Everyone has stuff they’ve said at parties they wished they hadn’t but, for us, the difference was that it was all happening in front of the world. Now we are older, for me certainly there are things that I am just not as bothered about. I think with Zayn’s particular exit and the way he chose to go, we haven’t really heard from him since he left. He didn’t even say goodbye, if I am being honest. It was a really sordid scenario, from our side certainly. A bit strange. It’s difficult.

[stevenuniversallyreviews]

Episode 110: Onion Gang

“No more weirdo friends.”

There have been a handful of Steven Universe episodes that I only watched once, didn’t like, and didn’t watch again until reviewing them for this project. Time has been kind to many of them: I’ve come to appreciate Ronaldo (especially in Rising Tides, Crashing Skies, which I was super down on) as well as Say Uncle and The New Lars. I don’t necessarily love all these episodes now, but they’re a lot better than I once thought.

But yeah sometimes my first impression is right on the money.

Onion Gang is the most boring episode of the series by a country mile. The show has meandered before in the likes of Cat Fingers, Steven’s Lion, and Open Book, but these stories at least resolve in interesting ways. Looking forward, Escapism has even fewer words than Onion Gang, but it’s designed to simultaneously add to Steven’s many ordeals and act as the calm before the storm (and it’s also, y’know, watchable; silence can be a good thing, ask any episode of Samurai Jack). But Onion Gang is relentlessly uninteresting throughout.

The glacial pace isn’t helped by comedy bits falling flat at a rate that’s almost impressive. I try pretty hard to find things I like in episodes I don’t, but there’s literally nothing here for me. That is not easy. Especially considering how much of a sucker I am for Onion, slapstick, and weird goofy side adventures. This should be right up my alley, but hoo boy is it not.

Still, I’ll give it a try: the most generous reading of Onion Gang is that it focuses on Steven misunderstanding Onion, and if you squint, you can draw a parallel between his assumptions about Onion and his assumptions about Rose (both silent, mysterious figures in his life) being proven wrong. False narratives are a recurring theme in Steven’s arc, and another one pops up here. But even if that broadest of strokes is an intended connection, it doesn’t stop Onion Gang from being a catastrophe.

The only Onion Pal that leaves any impression is Garbanzo, and the impression is that Garbanzo is the worst character the show has ever produced. Villains like Kevin and Aquamarine are horrible, but that’s the point. Irritating secondary characters like Ronaldo and Lars have actual depth, and otherwise further the plot and are reliable for decent humor at times (it’s a shame that only one of them grows, but still). Garbanzo is a kid who shouts the word “Garbanzo” as if this is inherently amusing, and uh that’s it. The joke isn’t funny the first time, and doesn’t become funny through brute force repetition. It’s just annoying.

Squash, Soup, and Pinto are...there? They mostly exist for the gag of Steven naming all of them, a continuation of his unusually domineering presence in Onion Gang. Because oh yeah, on top of everything else this is a dreadful Steven episode. It’s not Sadie’s Song, because his presumptuous attitude doesn’t cause actual harm, but this is a bad look on a hero whose powers are supposed to be based on empathy. His narration of Onion’s actions mostly acts as another gag, and like Garbanzo, it’s not a funny one, but that doesn’t stop the episode from repeating it ad nauseam.

Steven’s weird behavior doesn’t stop there. The overlong go-kart scene ends with Steven seeing Garbanzo spray ketchup on himself, then instantly forgetting he saw this and openly wondering if Garbanzo is hurt. Which makes this the dumbest Steven has ever been. It makes zero sense that he would be bamboozled by something he saw faked with his own eyes, to the point where the gag itself becomes confusing: this would be like if he saw Amethyst eat his dinner then asked where his dinner went, it requires Steven’s intelligence to plummet so perilously that it confounds what we’re supposed to find funny about the joke in the first place.

But the most bizarre misfire by far is Steven declaring that he’s “the lonely boy with no friends his age” when Connie Maheswaran exists. She’s busy (as is the underused Peedee), but our hero makes the flying leap that this means he’s utterly friendless. This is a kid defined by his ability to make friends. He saves the ocean once and the planet twice by making friends. The entire show hinges on his fundamental friendliness. This plot point is ludicrous, even when we take into account that Steven is being annoyingly melodramatic.

A nitpick, but one that fuels the Ronaldo-level conspiracy theorist in me, is that Connie was prepping for school in Buddy’s Book and is attending school in Mindful Education, so if she’s shopping for school supplies in Onion Gang then either she’s doing it super late (which doesn’t sound like something she or her mother would ever allow) or this episode, which mind you is stated to take place as summer ends, should've aired between the two Connie episodes. The conspiracy theory is that Onion Gang would’ve looked even weaker when shoved between two episodes about what good friends Steven and Connie are, so it got moved to settle between two Crystal Gem stories.

I think that it’s theoretically possible to make a good episode that evokes unambiguous pathos from Onion. But considering the character works because he’s this strange, menacing force of nature in an otherwise pretty normal population of humans, I’m not sure he’s a character that needs the depth. Onion Friend hit a sweet spot of making him grow a little, but maintain his creepy charm. Onion Gang goes further, but in doing so removes everything interesting about Beach City’s resident weirdo. Gone is the kid who two episodes ago was robbing the arcade with a crowbar and a bandit mask. Here instead is an odd but sensitive kid whose mischievous friends somehow render him less mischievous than usual. It’s bad enough to have a boring episode, but a boring episode with Onion as the focus? Again, it’s almost impressive.

There’s no reason to watch this episode instead of any other Onion-centric episode if Onion is your jam. There’s no reason to watch this episode instead of any other Steven-centric episode barring Sadie’s Song if Steven is your jam. There’s no reason to watch this episode instead of rewatching Last One Out of Beach City if being charmed by friendship is your jam. There’s no reason to watch this episode instead of Buddy’s Book if thematic resonance in regards to false narratives is your jam. There’s no reason to watch this episode instead of any episode of Craig of the Creek if kids playing outside is your jam. Only watch Onion Gang if you’re a glutton for punishment.

We’re the one, we’re the ONE! TWO! THREE! FOUR!

Part of me wants to rank this higher than Fusion Cuisine and House Guest, where I find more insulting mischaracterizations. But both of those episodes have enjoyable elements that are weighed down by lousy depictions of Connie and Greg; Garnet’s a riot in the former, and there’s a sweet song in the latter despite being muddled by context. Whereas there are no real bright spots in Onion Gang. It’s an unbearable eleven minutes that I’m never going to watch again.

Sadie’s Song is worse because it’s the worst Steven episode in the series and it misses the mark so much, and it’s important to Sadie’s arc so it’s harder to skip, which makes me resent it more. Island Adventure is worse because its moral is that abuse is a reasonable method of communication. But that’s all that’s stopping Onion Gang from reaching the very bottom.

The good news is that this is it for my No Thanks list, and while I might’ve had a bit of fun dissecting why I dislike Onion Gang so much, it bears saying that 6 stinkers in 180 episodes and a movie ain’t shabby.

Top Twenty

Steven and the Stevens

Hit the Diamond

Mirror Gem

Lion 3: Straight to Video

Alone Together

Last One Out of Beach City

The Return

Jailbreak

The Answer

Mindful Education

Sworn to the Sword

Rose’s Scabbard

Earthlings

Mr. Greg

Coach Steven

Giant Woman

Beach City Drift

Winter Forecast

Bismuth

When It Rains

Love ‘em

Laser Light Cannon

Bubble Buddies

Tiger Millionaire

Lion 2: The Movie

Rose’s Room

An Indirect Kiss

Ocean Gem

Space Race

Garnet’s Universe

Warp Tour

The Test

Future Vision

On the Run

Maximum Capacity

Marble Madness

Political Power

Full Disclosure

Joy Ride

Keeping It Together

We Need to Talk

Chille Tid

Cry for Help

Keystone Motel

Catch and Release

Back to the Barn

Steven’s Birthday

It Could’ve Been Great

Message Received

Log Date 7 15 2

Same Old World

The New Lars

Monster Reunion

Alone at Sea

Crack the Whip

Beta

Back to the Moon

Kindergarten Kid

Buddy’s Book

Like ‘em

Gem Glow

Frybo

Arcade Mania

So Many Birthdays

Lars and the Cool Kids

Onion Trade

Steven the Sword Fighter

Beach Party

Monster Buddies

Keep Beach City Weird

Watermelon Steven

The Message

Open Book

Story for Steven

Shirt Club

Love Letters

Reformed

Rising Tides, Crashing Tides

Onion Friend

Historical Friction

Friend Ship

Nightmare Hospital

Too Far

Barn Mates

Steven Floats

Drop Beat Dad

Too Short to Ride

Restaurant Wars

Kiki’s Pizza Delivery Service

Greg the Babysitter

Gem Hunt

Steven vs. Amethyst

Bubbled

Enh

Cheeseburger Backpack

Together Breakfast

Cat Fingers

Serious Steven

Steven’s Lion

Joking Victim

Secret Team

Say Uncle

Super Watermelon Island

Gem Drill

Know Your Fusion

Future Boy Zoltron

No Thanks!

     6. Horror Club      5. Fusion Cuisine      4. House Guest      3. Onion Gang      2. Sadie’s Song      1. Island Adventure

[gifsbysimplysonia]

Tell me about something crazy that happened to you

If you don’t want to read THE LONGEST TEXT ENTRY OF YOUR LIFE, do NOT click on the cut! 

THE RAVE - MILWAUKEE - BAMBOOZLE 2010 - JUNE 11, 2010

Mmkay, so the day after my birthday, I headed up to The Rave Milwaukee to see Good Charlotte at the Bamboozle Roadshow Festival, and it was my first time seeing them since October 2006, when I’d last seen them also at the Rave in Milwaukee :P 

Not even 3 minutes after arriving, I randomly ran into Tezzie my Fangirl Soulmate (one of the first friends I made on Livejournal back in the 00s; she was visiting all the way from Sweden and was a member a group of the most dedicated fans I had ever witnessed). I was trying to call the # she had given me and was leaving a voicemail as I began walking around the building, along the MASSIVE line that was already formed, full of TEENS and PRE-TEENS. And as I walked and talked…suddenly before me appeared a tiny ginger pixie :) We hugged, we smiled, and that was that. The very dedicated group was in attendance (though I believe there were more members): Krisse (Tezzie’s wifey), Tez, Ashley, Isabel & Jasmine. Tez was with her friend Ashley and they were going to Ashley’s car for something. I went with them and they were filling me in on everything. They and their friends had gotten to the venue at SEVEN IN THE MORNING and had been there the whole time (I think it was after noon by the time I arrived)!!! They were nice enough to let me in line with them.

When we first got in, we all rushed to the GC merch table. They were running this promotion where if you are 1 of the first 6 to go to the table and say “I wanna rep GC!” you get to go to the meet n greet. Being that Milwaukee was Krisse & Tezzie’s first show of the tour, they were going to try for it as the other girls had already got to go to a meet ‘n greet at a previous show. And wouldn’t ya know, they got THE LAST 2 PASSES??? How’s that for luck? The merch dude told me I could try going with them and telling them it was my bday because he’d seen them “let people in,” so why not give it a try? I thanked him for the tip and decided that’s what I’d do.

Meet n greet time rolled around at about 3 and I was SO READY to have to lay down this big sob story and BEG for them to let me into the meet ‘n greet. But when it came time, the lady from the Buzznet table told the lady in charge of the meet ‘n greet that it was my bday and I wanted to know if I could come in, and the lady just shrugged and said, “Sure, why not?” LMAO! As usual, I stressed for hours FOR NOTHING!We went up about 7 flights of stairs, no sh*t, to get to the very top of the venue. And once there, we waited a while for the band to show up. I took some video of Tez & Krisse, wanting to document their nervousness. They were very cute. Tez hadn’t seen the band in 2 years; 2 years and 2 months. Krisse hadn’t seen them in a year and 11 months. They were both SO NERVOUS. The guys finally showed up, late, but it was all of them. Being used to a7x and only getting 3 of 5 members of the band, I was really surprised! But there all 5 of them were :) The big bald security guy wanted it to be very organized so he immediately lined us all up and told us to have cameras ready, 1 thing to sign, and began pushing people through right away.Somehow, I ended up in line first, meaning before K & T. The lady who let me in took my camera from me and then I was going up to the guys, my ticket in hand for them to sign!

I was determined to be well mannered so I made sure to introduce myself to each member & shake everyone’s hand. First up was Paul. He told me I had a lovely name *blush* God bless him, he’s super cute. I was going to ask for a hug because “Paul hugs” are supposedly the best ever BUT the dude was MAD sweaty O_o I had no idea from what, so I didn’t ask. Deano was next and he gave a nice firm shake. I told the two of them it was my birthday and they replied with huge smiles and “HAPPY BIRTHDAY!” like it was the best news ever. Totally adorable. Then Deano told me I’d like the new song they are playing and asked me if I’d heard it yet. I told him no and he told me it was called “Like It’s Her Birthday” so I should like it :) Then … there was Joel. Sigh. So funny to think JUST a few years before, I was totally gaga for the dude. I shook his hand, he stood there and for a second? I couldn’t figure out what he was staring at cuz it wasn’t my face, but I realized he was checking out my Vengeance University switchblade pendant :P Benji was next to him. I THINK I shook his hand and intro'ed myself but I’m NOT sure. What I remember about being in front of the Twins was explaining that I hadn’t seen them in 4 years so I was SUPER excited about seeing them live again, to which Benji replies, “I hope we’re not a let down.” O_o As I learned later that day, this kid is a total “Sour Patch Kid.” LOLI said, “Why would you say that?” He just kinda shrugged. So I told him, “You guys never let me down.” Joel liked that because he nodded and went, “Yeaaaaaah,” then held his right fist up for me to pound, so I did :P Then I quickly introduced myself to Billy and shook his hand. He said his name to me, as if I wouldn’t know it, bless him. And then I was being prompted to pose for my photo.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~LATER THAT EVENING~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

After the show, behind the venue at the back door, we ended up all standing there with Benji, and he was just talking for QUITE a while. That’s never happened to me before. The longest convo I’ve had with someone famous lasted about … 3 minutes? And all I did was argue with the poor guy. But the girls talked to him for longer than that. They continued to talk to Benji, and understand Ashley, Jasmine & Isa had already been to a BUNCH of Bamboozle shows and they plus Tez & Krisse (and more friends they were meeting up w/at different shows) were going to quite a few more! They became known as “Team Good Charlotte,” that’s how used to seeing them people on Bamboozle got! Anyways, they began talking about how excited they were for CARDIOLOGY to hit in September and Benji was talking about how excited he was for us to HEAR the new album.And I wish I could tell you HOW the transition happened, but I honestly don’t know. All I know is one minute they were all talking about the album … and the next, Benji was talking about letting us hear some. I remember saying something like, “You can go on the bus and crack open a window while you play it,” before SCOLDING HIM about saying that’s what he’d do last time I saw them with regards to “The River” but then NEVER DOING IT :P He said he was sorry.But instead of going THAT route, Benji had a talk with this guy whose name is Danny (I think). The girls told me that he kept up GoodCharlotte.com and ran the GC Twitter account; he was also at the meet n greet taking video and photos. Anyways, he showed up and he and Benji talked, and next thing we knew?

WE WERE INVITED ONTO THE BUS TO HEAR A TRACK OFF OF THE UPCOMING GOOD CHARLOTTE ALBUM!

I know. I wouldn’t believe me if I were you either, but it’s absolutely what happened. Benji & Danny made it clear NO cell phones or cameras could go with us, though, so we all crossed the street so the girls could put their stuff away. I was waiting for my ride so I couldn’t put anything away so I just put mine in my bag. We went back across the street but instead of going onto GC’s bus, we were let onto “Danny’s bus.” He actually said “I’m such a diva, I get my own bus.” And as the last on board, even AFTER Danny, I got to close the bus door behind us and IT WAS HEAVY. I had given my bag to him and he had just placed it on the front passenger seat which I sat down on because I didn’t want to have to squeeze my fat a$$ past him AND past Benji & the girls who were all already seated on two couches and the “aisle” was so small, I didn’t wanna do it. But Danny looked at me and said, “You can come in. Come on, you can sit there,” and he pointed at a bench next to one of the couches, so I said, “Oh thanks” and proceeded to squeeze my fat a$$ past everyone, probably murdering everyone’s feet as I did.Anyways, I sat down in a solo seat. Across from me on the couch were Krisse, Tezzie & Benji. Next to me on a couch were Isa, Ashley, and Jasmine. Danny was standing in the driver area with a camera pointed at us THE ENTIRE TIME so we knew that it was all on video! He asked Benji what he was doing and Benji told the camera that he was letting us hear some tracks off of the new album.Benji played us the “intro,” cause GC always has an intro on their albums and then he played us the first track which I believe is called “Let the Music Play.” As a joke, I took a box of Kleenex that was on the window behind me and let the girls all take one because they SWORE they were going to cry. But y'know what? They actually did, bless them. At one point, Tezzie buried her head in Krisse’s chest as Krisse hugged her very tightly and I realized just how sacred this moment & experience was for those girls. And honestly? I felt so out of place. I felt like I was intruding, y'know? I just happened to be with the right people at the right time and get to tag-a-long for this episode and I am TRULY GRATEFUL for it.I bowed my head to listen to the song, and as I listened to the lyrics, tears rose in my eyes. Because once again, as SO OFTEN IS THE CASE with Good Charlotte lyrics, they hit me in my heart. In June of 2010, I’d gone through a LOT of crap in my personal life, and I just have felt so inferior and so bad about myself. Well, this song that Benji was playing us? It was talking about those feelings, letting me know AGAIN that I wasn’t alone in how I felt (which is what Good Charlotte’s music has ALWAYS done for me and it continues to do to this day):

“When the world tries to beat you down, let the music play.”

And THAT lyric just … hit home for me. So I got teary eyed, but the tears never fell for me. When the song was over, though, I had one of those moments where I actually was so overwhelmed with emotion, I HAD to say what was in my heart, which only ever happened with Eddy Guerrero.“Can I tell you something?” I asked Benji as he started scrolling for another song to play us, or maybe to shut off his iPod.“What?” he asked without looking at me.“I call Good Charlotte my 'gateway band’ because you guys led me to so much, musically. But it ALWAYS comes back to you because, lyrically, no other band GETS ME like you guys do, and that song right there? Just reminded me of that.”“Amen,” Ashley said, and I laughed to myself. I don’t remember if Benji had a reaction or not because I realized that Danny still had his camera pointed at us and I wondered about what I’d just said and if it’d end up anywhere.Benji then played us some of the track that GC is playing at the Bamboozle shows called “Like It’s Her Birthday.” The girls ALL ALREADY KNEW ALL THE LYRICS and were singing along :) I had just heard the song for the first time a couple hours before so I just sat there, bobbing my head like a jacka$$.

But someone knocked on the bus door & Benji and Danny had to get going so we didn’t get through that whole track. As we all got up to disembark, I imagine everyone was as overwhelmed and feeling surreal as I was. We got outside and thanked Benji SO VERY MUCH for allowing us to be a part of that. Outside there were a couple of girls leaning against a tree, very obviously wanting to go up to Benji but for some reason, not doing so? And they were giving us the Evil Eye BIG TIME! Funny thing is, I recognized them from A7X shows.Danny took testimonials from the girls on his camera about what we all just heard. And he told us that he would upload the video THAT NIGHT if that was ok. None of us argued. I don’t think he ever did upload anything, BUT, to all of our surprise, the quickest clip ever of us on the bus that night ended up in a Good Charlotte music video for Counting the Days:

I am FOREVER GRATEFUL to have PROOF that this totally insane thing happened to me. And it only happened cuz I was hanging out with the right people, but they were nice enough to let me 6th wheel it with them and it was one of the best birthdays/memories and craziest experiences of my life. 

Sometimes I think I live a really small life but then I remember stuff like this and I’m like, “How many people can say that they got to chat with a member of their favorite band, were invited onto a bus to preview brand new music NO OTHER FANS had heard at the moment, AND ended up in one of the band’s music videos??” 

I mean, maybe that’s a really big pool and I don’t know it, but I’m just grateful I can be included in it. And in addition to getting to attend a meet n greet I was NOT scheduled to go to and meet the band I refer to as “my heart band,” this day FOR SURE was one of the craziest of my life :) 

[itsallavengers]

1 and stony???

Come over here and make me.

If there was one person Steve Rogers hated, it was Tony Stark.

God, that asshole. Thought he was hot shit because he was popular and the star player of the school soccer team and smart and funny and beautiful. And he always walked around wearing that ridiculous leather jacket with about a hundred zips and buttons on it, and it wasn’t cool, no matter what he said.

And the worst part about Tony Stark was definitely how nice he was to Steve.

Because it didn’t make sense, alright. For the first few years of highschool, Tony had laughed at him, he’d thrown pencils at the back of his head in class and bumped him in the halls and Steve had automatically bitten back on a sigh whenever he’d seen Tony in the corridors with him. He’d known Tony Stark was an asshole from day one, when he’d been twelve and Tony had told him how weird his backpack was.

And yet over the past few years, Tony’s attitude had changed. He’d stopped being such a dick. He smiled at him rather than laughing at him, and he waved on the corridors rather than just shove him, and Steve didn’t get it. Tony Stark was definitely plotting something, and was in it for the long haul here, because he wouldn’t just be nice to Steve for no reason. No way. 

Steve always watched him, just in case. Seeing as an attack could be at any moment, it was better to always be alert. He glanced over to Tony in math class and kept his eyes on Tony’s ass back when he walked through the corridors. Sometimes Tony would say hi, and Steve would say it back warily, keeping a hand tight around his backpack as he watched where Tony’s beautifully hazel eyes went, and whether they were plotting anything. 

One time, he’d overheard Tony talking to his friend Rhodey about one of his dates when they’d been sat nearby one another in bio, and Steve had heard all about how shittily it had gone, which definitely made him feel good. Because not only was Tony Stark an asshole, but the guy he’d been on the date with- Tiberius Stone- was an even bigger asshole, and Steve felt uncomfortable with the thought of Ty being anywhere near him.

Because then they’d just make each other worse, and it’d be bad for Steve, obviously.

He thought about it a lot during that biology class, actually. How, if he were to go on a date with Tony Stark (for information gathering purposes), he’d make it perfect. He’d learned a lot about Tony over the years. He knew that the boy liked Metallica, but he also had a soft spot for Frank Sinatra. Steve had a record of that which he’d play. And then Tony loved Twinkies, too. Steve could buy them, and he’d declare it their main course, and Tony would laugh that pretty laugh where his mouth curled up and his eyes crinkled and-

And yeah. That Steve would have the bastard right where he wanted him. Totally. 

But God, he’d never do what Ty had done- a shitty movie and then copping a feel in the back of the cinema? So fucking trashy. And cheap. Steve might be broke as shit, but if it was a date, then he’d put some Goddamn effort into at least making it nice for Tony, Jesus-

Hypothetically, of course. Because Steve wouldn’t ever date Tony Stark.

That being said, he probably shouldn’t have been talking about how crap Ty’s dating skills were to Bucky when the guy’s friends had been right behind him in the corridor anyway, hypothetical or not. Because as soon as they saw him again when Steve was alone, they didn’t waste any time with shoving him up against the lockers and then doing their level best to shove him inside one of them.

God, Steve hated highschool.

“Get the fuck off me,” Steve growled, yanking away as hard as he could against their hands as they tried to shove him backward. It wasn’t much use though- two versus one, and Steve wasn’t exactly fighting material, no matter how many times he managed to get into them. 

“Shut the fuck up, loser,” the bigger guy spat on him, actually fucking spat on him, and then punched him in the mouth for good measure, “this’ll teach you not to talk shit about people who are gonna be more than you ever will. The fuck were you even talking about- Ty’s a fuckin’ beast, he’s got people fallin’ at his feet.”

Steve rolled his eyes. What, were they going to start worshipping at his alter now? 

“You’re only jealous,” the second guy said with a sneer, and Steve laughed out at him blindly but the first guy pulled him back, opening him up for a bodyshot to his ribs that definitely made something crack, “we see the way you look at Tony. You’re obsessed with him. You got Rogers + Stark written on your notebooks, huh?”

“Fucking pathetic.”

“As if he’d ever look twice at you.”

Steve snarled, lashing his head forward and actually managing to brain one of them. “Fuck off- Tony Stark is an asshole,” he told them- the same thing he told everyone, because it was true-

“He’s right, you know.”

Steve’s head jerked as his brain recognised the voice immediately, and he watched as none other than Tony Stark himself marched forward, coming up behind the two guys currently doing their best to fit Steve into the locker. A strong hand curled around the first guy’s shoulders, and then Steve felt a sharp relief of pressure as Tony flung him off Steve and into the opposing wall. The second one backed off in surprise, putting out his hands as a show of peace.

“Whoah, hey, Tony, just calm it,” he said hurriedly, “I didn’t know you were buddies-”

“We’re not buddies,” Steve said viciously, raising his fists and then wiping his bloody nose with his sleeve. In front of him, Tony just looked vaguely amused. “If you want to try it as well, go the fuck ahead,” Steve growled, “I’ll fight all three of ya, I don’t care-”

“No one is doing any more fighting here, thank you very much,” Tony said, raising a hand. When he did, all of his stupid fucking zips jingled. “Morris, Elland- get fucking lost. You’re both getting black eyes tomorrow, and if I see you putting hands on Rogers again then I’m burning your Air Jordans, understand?”

Steve blinked in confusion, watching the two guys nod nervously and then scurry off down the hall, muttering to one another and glancing back as they did so. Which just left Steve and Tony with his stupid jangly zips.

“What do you want,” Steve said, not lowing his hands.

Tony leaned against the lockers, shrugging. “I was coming back from detention and saw them beating on you. Thought I’d step in.”

Steve frowned, wiping his hand across his face and probably smearing more blood everywhere. “Yeah, well I don’t need your help,” he said gruffly, “I totally had that.”

Tony’s eyes twinkled. “They definitely seemed like they were only holding on by the skin of their teeth,” he said in amusement, as Steve just scowled and turned away.

He heard Tony step forward. “Hey, I didn’t mean that to sound... I’m sure you would’ve survived on your own, God knows you get into enough altercations as it is- just thought I’d help you out. They shit their pants when I get mad at them because they’re fucking pussies, so.” Tony shrugged, “it’d be cool to have someone like that on your side, I figure-”

“You’re not on my side!” Steve snapped, stepping forward, “you’re just... you’re just being weirdly nice so that I let my guard down and then you can make fun of me again, or humiliate me in class or shove me over in the halls. Don’t think I’m not onto you, Stark, okay, I know your game!” He waggled a finger menacingly.

Tony just sighed, and looked genuinely remorseful as he said, “yeah, really sorry about that. I was a prepubescent teen with no idea what to do with the sudden influx of gay thoughts I’d have whenever you entered a room. So I pulled on your pigtails in order to get your attention.” Tony pulled a face, before smiling, “but I’m cooler now! Comfortable with my sexuality, at least thirty percent more stable and also, still kind of crazy about you.”

Steve just blinked. “No you’re not,” he said.

“Yeah, I am.”

“Nope. No you’re really not.”

“Well, I beg to differ.”

Steve made a face. “You don’t even know me!” he spluttered, “you’re not... you don’t like me, don’t be ridiculous. You think I’m dorky and uncool.”

Tony laughed, and God, it really was a nice laugh. “I do,” he agreed, “and that is the most endearing thing in the world.” He paused, before adding, “actually no- the face you’re making right now is the most endearing thing in the world.”

Steve... had no idea how to respond. He... well... I mean, for starters, he didn’t even like Tony. “I don’t even like you.”

“Yeah, you do.”

“You’re- you’re an asshole, I hate you! I’ve always hated you. You suck.”

“Yes to the asshole part. No to the ‘you hate me part’, Yes to the ‘you suck’ part, but probably in a different context to what you’re thinking.” Tony paused, before looking at Steve’s face with a frown. “You might want to go A&E for that nose. Looks broken.”

Steve’s head was spinning. Tony was completely bamboozling him here. Why was he saying that he liked Steve? That was... that couldn’t be true, could it? Anyway. Steve didn’t even like him.

On a completely irrelevant note, he bet that if he kissed Tony now, he’d probably taste faintly like the strawberries Steve had seen him eating for lunch. 

“I’m not going to the hospital,” Steve said, shaking his head and pressing gently on his very sore nose, “it’s f-”

“Yeah, you’re going to the hospital,” Tony nodded slowly and then pulled out his phone. “It’s fifteen minutes away. I’ll drive.”

Steve looked at him incredulously. “Stop ignoring me! I’m not going!”

“You are, Steve.”

“You think?”

“Yeah.”

Steve spluttered indignantly, hands going to his hips. “Then- then come over here and make me!” He said, attempting at confrontational. 

But Tony just cocked an eyebrow in amusement, and before Steve knew what was happening, Tony had swooped down and then picked him up in a perfect fireman’s carry, walking them both down the corridor with absolute ease. Steve just froze in complete and utter shock. This was the first time he’d ever been this close to Tony. Oh God, he smelt like metal and lemony things, and Steve was looking right down at he perfectly shaped ass.

“I hate you so much,” Steve said grumpily, “and I really hate being carried.”

Tony continued on, unfazed. “Okay, so I have a proposition,” he said casually, pushing open the main exit doors and then plodding easily down the stairs. He stopped halfway down, however. “I’ll let you down if you agree to go on a date with me.”

Steve froze. “That’s not fair,” he said weakly. 

Above him, Tony sighed. “Okay. So that was a lie. I’ll let you down right now if you want me to, I’m not an asshole, and I’m not going to force you to go the hospital, but I really think you should. And. Also. The date thing. You should do that too. Because I’m an asshole and my jacket probably does have too many zips, you’re right, but I also really like you and have done for six years, I’ve always just been too scared to tell you?” Tony shrugged sheepishly. “But there. Offer’s on the table. Hey! Kill two birds with one stone- the hospital trip can count as our date, and then if you decide that actually I’m not evil whilst we’re there, we could maybe go for a second one sometime?”

Jesus, Tony actually sounded nervous. Steve couldn’t see his face, but he knew what it would look like, because he’d memorised all of Tony’s facial expressions. 

Shit.

Okay. 

So maybe he didn’t hate Tony Stark as much as he thought.

“Put me down,” Steve told him, and with a small sigh of defeat, Tony did. He looked down at his expensive shoes and stepped back, readying to accept defeat. 

Steve just sighed. “I suppose I could go to the hospital,” he muttered, “if you insist. And. Uh. The date, too. We could do that sometime as well.”

Tony paused, but then his head jerked up and he practically beamed. “Really?” He asked, beginning to bounce on his toes. 

Steve couldn’t help but laugh, even though it really hurt. “Yeah, really,” he said, “I guess I was kind of exaggerating how terribly evil you were in order to save myself from uh- going too far the other way.”

Tony’s smile, if even physically possible, grew bigger. “That’s the biggest compliment anyone has ever told me,” he said, holding out a hand for Steve to take, “now can you please take my hand and let me escort you to the vehicle?”

Steve raised an eyebrow, but tentatively slid his fingers through Tony’s. “I can walk, you know.”

Tony squeezed their hands together. “Oh, I know. I’ve just wanted to hold hands with you since I was twelve.”

[iamwhelmed]

Homesick Ch 5

Okay, I might be having a little too much fun with you guys now. I can’t help it, writing this fic is fun, okay? I get to focus on the DRAMA and my dramatic ass LOVES IT. It’s shorter than the other chapters have been, but I had to leave it off this way.

Summary: Raven finds herself carrying Beast Boy's child and struggles with the fear of losing him and the impending responsibility of being a mother; Starfire finds Robin in a precarious position with another woman. The two leave the tower to live on their own for awhile, just to figure things out. Beast Boy and Robin may be losing their minds, and Cyborg tries to keep everyone together.

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The Heimweh Ruby was a thing of beauty, red like the blood moon, bright as the flashlights on the guards wandering aimlessly around the warehouses (not a clue he'd gotten by them, and not a clue the ruby was now clasped safely in his hand). It was rare that he stopped to appreciate the beauty in life, but the shine of the jewel in his hand was more than enough for him to give a low whistle. Pretty little thing; Miss Petrovski hadn't the faintest clue how much it was worth, or how hefty her security probably should have been. Didn't matter much. He'd gotten away with it, not so much as a single eye to call the Teen Titans on Heimweh's behalf, what remained of them, anyway. He'd seen the new leading ladies, not quite as impressive as the gothic ballerina or Leeloo's hotter alien sister, but he guessed they'd outgrown running around following orders from a sentient traffic light.

He was almost disappointed.

Red X flipped atop the warehouse's roof, snickering to himself at the oblivious guards a couple floors below. They heard a noise, he guessed, but the way they scratched their heads before going around and repeating the same route they'd failed to guard before, well, they probably hadn't figured out they'd been bamboozled. He sighed and closed the sunroof below him. He'd been hoping for a little more action tonight. His limbs were aching to stretch and tense the way they only could when he fought. And maybe he also wanted to see the Boy Wonder's face as he taunted him again. It'd been too long.

He stood and made his way to the edge of the roof with haste, preparing to duck and roll and make his way back to his base, but he paused, because there were two beauties resting in an embrace at the dock across from his stance on the roof's edge. Should he bother them? Mess up the moment just to be a jerk? He snorted. Oh yeah, absolutely, especially if it meant that he got to fight. "Aw, am I interrupting something?"

They both startled, leaped to their feet. The hot one lit one of her hands, and it was only then that he saw she wasn't in her usual crop top and miniskirt, and the other one wasn't exactly in uniform either. He raised an eyebrow behind his mask, taking in the jeans and blouses with somewhat amused bafflement. They squinted, and he could tell they didn't see him as clearly as he saw them. Perspective helped, he thought as he bounded forward "Don't recognize me? Can't tell by my voice?" He landed, and they both tried to back away from him, only to find that any further back and they'd be very wet and very at his mercy. He snickered. "Now now, ladies, don't go taking a dip just yet" he drew closer, and they inclined their backs to lean further away from him. He held the Heimweh out for them to see, dangling it like the shiny prize that it was in front of their panicked faces. "You've gotta make an attempt to beat this off me, don't ya?"

He grew closer, and Raven growled, low and threatening, a warning for him to stay away. Starfire bristled. "Raven, I will handle things here, please return home."

"What? Starfire-"

"I said I have got the this to be had, go!"

Starfire lunged toward him with one fist. Easy to dodge, simple to counter. He grabbed her wrist and swung right by her, swinging his leg up to hit her back, send her stumbling to the ground. Too late, he realized that she had distracted him as Raven ducked by, but he'd let her. He could handle his own against all of the titans at once. Dealing with one? He'd be out of here long before any help she went to go call for arrived.

Starfire got back up, took aim at his face as she- once again- used her fist instead of a starbolt? He frowned and dodged her easily. "You sure you're feeling up to this, Red?" Starfire swung her leg at his shoulder, and he narrowly missed it.

"I will not allow criminals like you to get away!"

He continued dodging her attacks, too slow to get any real fun out of but too intriguing to ignore. He'd expected more out of a fight with an alien princess, and quite frankly? He was a little annoyed his blood wasn't boiling. "I'm not sure you have a choice here, Cupcake." He threw his own fist at her, aiming for her face, but she moved to block it with both of her forearms. Bad move. He swept her legs out from under her, expecting her to lift off her feet, but instead she fell backwards like a useless human girl. She grunted, and he took the opportunity to climb atop her, pin her wrists at either side of her head. He didn't need to hit her with an X, she was irritatingly, laughably easy to pin. Her eyes widened as his knees grappled either side of her hips, and she fought him the best she could, but for some reason that alien strength he'd personally felt, more than once, simply wasn't there. He'd felt it earlier, when the other one had still been present, the righteous fury he always felt in her when he'd said something particularly flirtatious. That fight was gone now, seeping out of her as he gloves squeezed her skin. "What's going on with you, Red? I was expecting more of a fight."

"I intend to give you one!"

That's not what her eyes said. Her eyes read helpless, scared, angry, but what concerned him most was docile. Acquiesce. He wasn't sure if that piqued his interest or peeved him all the more. He squeezed her wrists again, pushed them into the ground, and she cried out for it. "Why aren't you using your powers?" He narrowed his eyes and leaned closer to her, mask brushing the tip of her nose. He waited for those green eyes to burn with pure heat, but he still saw her pupils. "Why aren't you fighting me?"

"I am!"

"You're not!" He dug her wrists even further into the ground to make a point. "Tell me why you won't fight me!"

Then the air left him as he was suddenly lifted up by his torso.

He let go of Starfire's wrists, surprised as the sudden squeeze in his lungs. He winced as the black fist pulled him into the air, tightened its grip with such malice he swore it was trying to force his organs one way or the other- up or down. "Starfire!" He cracked one eye open to see the other one had returned, and her powers seemed to be working just fine. Why had Starfire been the one to step up to fight him then? Why had Raven been protected instead of doing the protecting? "Let's go! The rest of the Titans should be here any-!" She winced, and the fist around his body suddenly grew a lot weaker.

Starfire sat up, more fear in her eyes than he'd seen in the entirety of their fight, maybe in every fight. "Raven!"

Red X grunted and gripped the finger closest to his hands, heaving as air returned to him. He ripped it apart, the aura dissipated, and he dropped to the ground, wheezing. Starfire scurried away. Oh you're not getting off that easy! He pulled some x's from his belt, sifting them through his fingers so he could release three at a time, right at their stupid little-

He stopped. Raven had fallen to her knees, and Starfire was right there beside her, holding her hand. "Raven! What is the matter? Raven!" If he thought he'd had trouble breathing, Raven looked like every puff was hardly enough to keep her lungs satisfied. Her breathing was shallow, came and went in quick motions. Starfire's presence seemed to help, but Raven was in agony, he could tell. Her face scrunched up so tight it looked like her nose would pop right off, lips curved into a snarl, one that wasn't directed at him. "Raven, are you-?"

"Star, I need-" her voice came out strangled, hardly audible between her grinding teeth. "Hospital. Now!"

Hospital? Not the tower? What could that be about? Red X sat up on one knee, one hand still clutching his chest where she'd turned him into a living stress ball. It didn't matter, it wasn't his problem. As she'd said (if she'd been telling the truth), the Titans were going to be here any minute, it wasn't a great idea to stick around much longer. Then he saw the pool of blood collecting between her thighs, soaking her jeans, and he knew exactly what had happened.

Starfire made the move to pick Raven up, carry her, but hadn't expected the extra hands over her own. Red X hardly paid her any mind as she gasped. "Take it easy, breath in. Breath out. We'll get you to a doctor, don't worry. You're gonna be fine."

Starfire frowned at Red X as he tore his cape from his back and wrapped it around Raven like a blanket, slipping his arms under her legs to carry her bridal style. He turned to her and nodded in the other direction. "The nearest hospital is .2 miles this way. Think you can keep up?" Starfire, between the astonishment, alarm, and doubt, managed to nod. Red X cradled Raven's head against his chest, turning to run in the direction of the hospital.

Along the way he asked her simple things, like if she knew if there'd been weight loss (not that she could tell), back pain (plenty), or cramping ("not the kind you get after you eat something bad, real cramping, the kind that makes you double-over" he'd said, to which she'd told him Raven hadn't mentioned any, no). She watched him as he used his grappling hook to propel them faster, as he carried Raven over rooftops and skylines and hardly paused to be sure that Starfire had kept up, though every now and then he'd call to her to be sure he hadn't lost her. He hadn't. She was too worried about Raven, too scared for her life- for the life of her snarglpref. She hadn't initially trusted Red X to haul her friend to the nearest doctor, but she could feel, maybe as an extension of Raven's powers, that he was focused on getting her medical attention, had thought for little else the last three minutes.

"She been feeling light-headed?"

"I believe she has experienced the fatigue that is considered normal."

"No fainting?"

"No," Starfire watched as he landed atop the hospital, leaping to land beside him with something akin to dread gripping her heart as he pulled Raven closer and aimed his grappling hook for the nearest ambulance. "Please, do you think she has-?"

"I'm no doctor, I couldn't tell you." He gestured for her to come closer, and she obliged, wrapping her arms around his neck as he hoisted them down to the first floor of the emergency room. Raven whimpered, and he shushed her. "Shh, it's gonna be okay. We've got you." Starfire brushed the hair out of Raven's face, but she couldn't help glancing back up to Red X. She pulled away and followed from a distance as he handed her off to the medical staff, eyes catching the gentle way he passed her, how she could still hear him whispering to Raven that things would be okay, that they'd be okay.

With a start, she realized that once again, she was floating.

It was nearly 3:30 in the morning when the alarm started going off- a warehouse in the eastern part of Jump City. Red X. The guard who'd triggered the alarm said that he'd been after a priceless ruby, the Jewel of Heimweh. This wouldn't be easy, especially at such an early hour, but it was their job, and Red X was on his list…

"Okay, so.. Who is Red X exactly?"

"Don't know. Some guy who stole my tools."

Batgirl raised an eyebrow behind her mask, looking decidedly more herself in her actual suit. She'd fixed it from the fiasco of a first night in Jump City. Took some time, but a little help from Robin and Cyborg had rendered it ready for duty earlier that night. "And you haven't figured out who he is yet?"

Her head was set at his shoulder, arms wrapped as securely as possible around him as they sped down the highway on his R-Cycle. Part of her snickered at the glower she knew he was wearing. He was so much like Batman, so much like his father, and she doubted he'd want to hear it. "He's good. Too good. He knows all my moves, all my tricks. Like he was there with me when Br- when Batman was training me."

Barbara hummed, and despite her wishes, she let herself stray to think about a crowbar, a haunting laugh, and red- so much red. She let herself wonder, but Robin didn't know. Robin had no idea he wasn't the only Boy Wonder anymore- well, he was again now, she supposed. "Maybe he kinda was…" If Robin heard her, he didn't give any indication of it.

Beast Boy glanced around, not seeing anything to suggest Red X, the most annoying, kick-buttingly mysterious dude he'd ever known, had been there. When he looked to Cyborg, he'd found he'd come to a similar conclusion, looking just as lost as he felt. They both shrugged at each other. Terra looked under the dock, checking to be sure he wasn't just hiding so that he wouldn't get his rear end kicked in. He wasn't, and upon having exhausted all of her ideas, she joined Cyborg and Beast Boy in the noncommittal shrugging.

Robin and Batgirl emerged from the warehouse, followed by a very frazzled-looking head of security. "Find anything?"

Cyborg shook his head. "No trace."

Robin grunted and cupped his chin between his thumb. "The Heimweh Ruby is definitely gone. It's not like him to disappear without a fight."

"Maybe he didn't?" Batgirl pointed to a darker corner of the warehouse, the very edge where the docks came to an end, and the moonlight didn't quite hit. There was a dark puddle, not quite dry, but not fresh. Robin approached it, bending down to stick one gloved finger in the murky mud. It was thick, exactly the consistency he'd been expecting. He rolled it between his fingers, then briefly sniffed at it.

"Blood."

"Blood?" Terra glanced around to see if there were any other traces, but that singular puddle was all they had to go on. "Was he bleeding? Did he hurt someone?"

Robin shrugged. "Not sure. Beast Boy, think you can track him down with this?"

"Uhh, assuming it's his blood, yeah." Beast Boy came to Robin's side, shifted into a dog. He sniffed at the blood on Robin's fingers, then seemed to pause, as if confused. The rest of the titans watched as Beast Boy's head tilted to the side, registering the smell, but every second that passed left him looking more and more distraught. He moved away from Robin's hand, instead opting to sniff the puddle directly. He should have gotten it after the first few sniffs, but for some reason he continued sniffing. The rest of the group grew increasingly unsettled, watching him smell, pause, then dig his nose in it some more, like he couldn't quite place it, but it wasn't that. Robin cocked an eyebrow.

"Beast Boy?"

The green dog pulled away, morphing back into their friend, but the haunted look on his face left more to the imagination than expected. His eyes were wide, and when he looked at Robin, he was looking right past him. "I… I dunno how to say this…" Terra bent down and pressed a supportive hand to his shoulder, but he hardly knew she was there. Robin waited for him to talk, not wanting to force it out of him. Red X was clearly long gone from here, but the look in Beast Boy's eye (he knew it well, had seen it in Bruce's eyes, had felt his own well with tears as they looked that same way years and years and years ago) said there was something more pressing. He too placed a hand to Beast Boy's shoulder and squeezed, seemed to get the reaction he was looking for. Beast Boy's wide eyes turned on him, as if only now realizing he was there. He choked a few times, couldn't get the words out, but eventually he said: "That's not Red X's blood. That's Raven's."

[evolutionsvoid]

As an experienced natural historian, I have dealt with a wide variety of flora and fauna that can be found throughout our world. I have studied Great Mottled Caecilians in the rainforests, traveled with Trolls across great mountain ranges and nearly froze my roots off trying to track Arctic Wolf Fleas across the icy tundra. Not to praise my own petals, but many see me as one of the top researchers in this field. Despite all that, though, I have to question if I am qualified to even write an entry on such a species. While I could write about anatomy, behavior and reproduction of other species with ease, these creatures defy a lot of things I am used to. Honestly, I don't even know if I completely understand how their anatomy works! A part of me thinks that a mage would be better suited for such an entry, but I will do my best to tell you about these strange creatures. I probably know just as much about Sphinxes as the next guy does. The first thing to note about Sphinxes is that they do not appear to have a preferred habitat or environment. This is due to the fact that they seem to not even live on the same plane of existence we do. Much like the Aelf, they appear and disappear at will, showing up without rhyme or reason. This is baffling and frightening to many because Sphinxes are pretty big. They reach the same size as some dragon species, making them quite intimidating when they happen to appear in the middle of town. They are quadrupeds, preferring to walk about on all fours, strutting about with the elegance and ego of a really big cat. That is honestly the closest comparison you could have between a Sphinx and an existing animal, they act like giant cats. The way they walk or jump, the way they stretch when they are tired or bored, the way their tail swishes about without a care and the way they gain entertainment from the suffering and despair of others. It's kind of unsettling how close those two match. 

While this comparison may make one assume they are just big dumb cats, one must realize that Sphinxes are incredibly intelligent creatures. Their knowledge blows scholars and mages out of the water, which is surprising when they drop an incredible piece of wisdom with the nonchalance of someone ordering gravy off a menu. Though one may appear on the southern continent, they can easily tell you about things out east as if they had just finished vacationing there. It is obvious that I bring up the riddles and puzzles that they so enjoy, which attests to their knowledge. One thing to know, though, is that they are not all-knowing. As legends and encounters say, there are things Sphinxes do not know, they just happen to know a lot. You won't trip them up with common knowledge, you will need to delve deep into a subject to start finding things they haven't learned yet. On the subject of riddles, it is time we bring up the motives of this species, or what we think is a motive. History has seen several famous Sphinxes appearing over time, each different from the last, but each sharing some common themes. Some Sphinxes have terrorized the countryside, deploying deadly puzzles and devouring the losers. Others have created great lairs and dungeons in which they rule and hoard. Certain encounters have had some showing up to toy around with people, speaking of riddles and puzzles but not eating those who come up empty. It is a strange spectrum of behavior, ranging from voracious tyrant to bored, playful titan. The one theme we can find that connects them is entertainment. Saying it out loud is a little weird, but that is the best we can come up with. Sphinxes who show up in our world seem to be looking for some kind of amusement. Much like how each person has different hobbies, each Sphinx has different ways to amuse themselves. As I mentioned before, some may become monsters who ravage the lands and take entire towns hostage as they play the role of some demented tormentor, while some find fun in bamboozling people with riddles and tricks. Intricate lairs and dungeons formed in mountains and valleys may be an enjoyable hobby to one, as they take pleasure in making elaborate traps and thwarting eager treasure hunters and monster slayers. It all depends on the individual who arrives. So if a Sphinx appears outside your town, pray that it is one who prefers logic puzzles over the taste of human flesh. Though not every Sphinx is a destructive monster, each is well equipped to take down foes (prey is probably a better word, though). Their sheer size and strength already makes for a tough fight, but their intelligence and magical abilities makes slaying them an extraordinary feat. Their magical prowess allows them to unleash devastating spells and they are clever enough to use such powers to create traps and set ups that can take down foes before they even realize their mistake. Though large, they are quite fast, which combined with their size allows them to turn their bodies into battering rams. Their tails are prehensile and can act much like a boneless arm, slapping away foes or snaring them in its grip. The "wings" they possess are tipped with venomous barbs which can paralyze the muscles of those they sting. These stingers are often employed by Sphinxes who enjoy playing a deadly game of riddles. When one fails to answer their riddle, the stingers will whip down and paralyze them, allowing the Sphinx to devour them with ease. Speaking of eating, that mouth is another thing you have to watch out for. With broad, cracking teeth, they can crush metal and stone within their jaws. An odd thing to point out is that the huge mouth on their chest isn't used for talking. Instead, their voice seems to come from the organic vents that are positioned below their eyes. It's quite bizarre. Also, to top it all off, Sphinxes have the ability to create portals out of thin air. With a mere thought, they can open up a gate between places and stroll from one land to another in the blink of an eye. These portals have a wide array of uses, like catching fleeing victims without moving, redirecting spells in complex patterns, hopping from one place to the next and even creating complex dungeons that defy reason. Those who have triumphed over Sphinxes in their lairs have claimed that large chunks of these domains simply blink out of existence with the departure of the creature. I guess it explains how they are able to make such massive labyrinths in such tiny spaces. Now I cannot go too far into this entry without bringing up my encounter with a Sphinx. For the longest time, I had never seen one. They rarely appear in this world, and often disappear just as quickly. Having one show up anywhere near me during my travels was like praying for a miracle. For years, I would hear stories about them, but I could never be around when one showed up. It is more frustrating than the situation with the Aelf, because I at least know it is impossible for me to meet one of those, but the mere ounce of a chance of seeing a Sphinx was excruciating to deal with. At last, though, my time came. I was out studying Rock Dragons in the canyons when a messenger raven dropped a letter at my camp. One of my associates had written to me saying that a Sphinx was spotted out on a plateau that was a five day journey away from me. He said he didn't know when it originally showed up or when it would disappear, but he thought to let me know. I immediately dropped everything and rushed to the scene, writing back to my friend mid-journey. I traveled without rest for days, moving as fast as I could so that I didn't miss my chance. There was not telling when the Sphinx would be driven off or would decide to go home, so I hoofed it the whole way. I did the five-day journey in four, and I was at the verge of collapse when I finally finished my climb onto the plateau and looked to find it empty. Words cannot describe the sheer anger, frustration and disappointment I felt at that moment. I would have burst into tears if I had the energy to do so. All that effort was wasted, the Sphinx was gone. I was ready to give a good cry when someone awkwardly coughed behind me. I turned around to be stunned by the Sphinx, who was just sitting there. I later learned that he had caught wind of some "explorer" who was dying to meet him, and he figured it would be an amusing event. To make things more fun, he hid during my arrival just so he could pull this mean prank. What is with people pranking me all the time? What have I done to deserve this? Anyways, I rejoiced at the sight of him, as I finally had the chance to meet a Sphinx, despite the fact I was moments away from dropping from exhaustion. I introduced myself to him and told him about my background. He seemed to find amusement in me, so he agreed to talk with me further. However, my fatigue made such an interview difficult, so I asked if I could meet with him tomorrow. Thankfully he agreed to that as well, so I went to set up camp. Before I could even open my backpack, there was a flash of light, a mighty shove and I tumbled into the front desk of an inn. Originally, I thought I had just woken up from a dream after some traveler hauled my exhausted carcass to an inn. The terrified owner didn't give me any details, he just threw me my keys and pointed me to my room. Never had a bed felt so good! I passed out the moment I hit the hay! Dream or not, a good night sleep was the greatest thing at the time for me. I don't know how long I slept, but sunlight was what woke me the next day. The blinding light roused me from my slumber and I opened my eyes to find myself in a bed that was sitting in the middle of the plateau. I practically screamed when I saw the Sphinx staring at me like a creep! Thank goodness I had the thought to wear a sleeping gown that night! Of course the Sphinx thought it was hilarious as I scrambled to figure out what was going on. Turns out he dropped me at the inn last night to get some rest, then teleported the whole bed back the next morning to give me a scare! I pointed out to him that this prank seemed more creepy than funny, which he found endlessly amusing. No matter who I deal with, someone is always trying to pull a fast one on me. After changing into proper clothes and collecting my faculties, I finally had my chance to talk this Sphinx. My first question was his name, which he told me. I then promptly asked him to say it again, as it was some sound I couldn't comprehend or even write. I wound up calling him "S" as that was the first part of his name that sounded remotely similar. I immediately threw dozens of questions at him, eager to learn more about his kind. S quickly cut me off and told me that such knowledge came at a price. I thought he meant a dual of riddles, which would put my life on the line. I have to honestly say I would have agreed to such a game. I know that sounds foolish, but discovery requires risk. Thankfully he did not go that route, rather he wanted to do what he called "Quid pro quo." How it would work is that I would tell S a piece of trivia or some kind of fact that I gathered from my journeys. If he did not know this fact, or found it amusing, he would allow me to ask a question. If I failed three times in delivering satisfying trivia, he would cut the interview short and call it a day. I agreed to the game and readied my journals. It was time for the duel to begin! Surprisingly, I actually got him with a few. A part of me was worried I would botch it three times in a row and fail, but I actually interested him with a few pieces! It seems that Sphinxes don't know as much about the Underworld as other places. I am guessing it is a tight fit down there for them, so they avoid it. I was able to ask him four questions before I bungled it, but that was good enough for me! My first was asking if his kind had any sort of culture or society, which S said yes to, only clarifying by saying "it's looser than you would think, but the others force a bit more order to things." My second was asking about Sphinxes and the Aelf, and what their relationship was. S said that the Aelf are a bunch of stuck up, self-serious, doom-sayers who really need to learn how to let go of a grudge. The Sphinxes aren't at war with them, but the two sides often get into arguments and fights. He joked about how Sphinxes are a funner bunch (despite the fact their kind sometimes devours people and terrorizes cities) and that they know that grudges are silly to hang on to. He did grumble, though, that there was one Sphinx that everyone seemed to despise. He mumbled something about how "she ruined the best one for the rest of us." The third thing I got to ask him was how their anatomy worked. It was a pretty broad question, but I figured I would try. S replied by going into detail about Sphinx reproduction which I quickly cut off and refuse to write down here. Clearly that reply was a joke, albeit a rather gross one. He did say that they have skeletons, but they weren't made of the same thing as people "from these parts" have in their bones.  My fourth and final question was the big one. I had two strikes at the time, I knew it was now or never to ask the burning question. I looked to S and asked why the Sphinxes came to our world. What did they want from us? What did they seek? S rolled onto his back to catch some sun and told me that "everyone needs a good rumpus room." He said nothing else, and I blew my chance when I failed for the third time. Before I could try and bargain with him, a portal opened up and he batted me into it. One nauseous second later, I found myself sitting in my old camp, where I had been studying Rock Dragons previously. S seemed to be done with me, having gotten all the fun he wanted at the moment. Though disappointed I didn't get to ask more, I was grateful I had the opportunity. That brief conversation I had with him will forever be burned in my mind. Happy with my luck, I turned to my camp to continue my research to find the hotel bed flattening my tent. S was done with me, but apparently still had to squeeze in one more gag. Funny enough, a few days later, when I was watching a family of the creatures drink from a river, I was caught off guard by their hatchling appearing right behind me. The inquisitive thing tried to nibble on me, thinking I was a cactus, which I was forced to fend off. This angered the mother, and I wound up running from an enraged female for the next two hours. Later that day, I received another message by raven saying that S had disappeared from the plateau for good. Something tells me that the "sudden" appearance of the hatchling was some kind of parting "gift" from him. I have to believe he was sitting somewhere that day, chuckling as I scrambled up monoliths to avoid being trampled.   And that is all I really have to say about Sphinxes. They are an odd lot who just seem to show up in our world for their own amusement. A part of me hopes to see S again, as there are hundreds of more questions I wish to ask him. The other part of me, though, kind of hopes I don't, because I am starting to get sick and tired of being the butt of every joke.   Chlora Myron Dryad Natural Historian