#but hopefully this is insightful and enjoyable!!

[rwrbficrecs]

The Monarch Haven by @redlightsandicedtea (book-verse)

@na-dineee: I found this fic through @lieselsart's wonderful illustration. Alex isn't the First Son, but his parents are high-ranking politicians. Due to serious mental health issues, he lives secluded in Texas, where he runs a mental health refuge for teens— the Monarch Haven. Secluded, until a real prince seeks refuge there. Alex isn't thrilled but still wants to help. What follows is 76k words of slow burn and domesticity! It's beautifully angsty, with a gradual and moving development. A total comfort read !!

Whiteout by HarmonyWhitlock (book-verse)

@na-dineee: Snowboarder Alex and skier Henry almost collide on the slopes, followed by a heated exchange of words. At the end of the day though, they meet at the bar and, well... This story is part of a series which is all about the CMQ-influenced trope 'In every universe'. I got all giddy with every beautiful story I read: So carefully composed and very well crafted, the emotions and attraction swept me away. Hopefully many more to come !!

I Want Candy by @vanillahigh00 (book-verse)

@suseagull04: Alex as a dad and Henry's house being his daughter's first stop on her quest for Halloween candy are the ingredients to this very sweet fic!

Tiempo de Vals by @14carrotghoul (book-verse)

@suseagull04: Authentic Hispanic details (that are always one of my favorite things about this author's writing), a high school AU, and firstprince dancing- what's not to love?

Workin' On My Fitness by bananamilks (book-verse)

@na-dineee: After gushing to Pez about how hot fitness trainer Alex on Instagram is, he is actually indignant when Pez gives him a gift certificate for a training package to reach his (decidedly not) fitness goal: to be able to lift hot men onto countertops. As always, these two have the hots for each other. And the story around it is really sweet, two seconds angsty, also funny, and just delightful.

If U Seek Amy by @14carrotghoul (book-verse)

@dot524: Such a cute and meaningful 5+1 centering on Amy Chen and how she views the different members of the First Family. Love an outsider PoV and the sweet moments in this one.

Adrift by @milowren29 (book-verse)

@read-and-write-: An addicting pacific rim AU. I don't even go here and I fully enjoyed it, packed with action, life-threatening monsters and alex-and-henry typical obliviousness and refusal to talk about their feelings which is y'know, canon. Everyone needs to give an opportunity to this one.

In Plain Sight You Hid by @nontoxic-writes (movie-verse)

@dot524: Ever reflect deeply on why everyone hates Miguel? This story fleshes out what he did to Alex and expands on what happened during that hookup and what it had to do with Henry. This is also a study of Alex’s relationship with Henry and what made it special. An insightful and angsty (and sexy) addition to the movie canon.

the beagle, the ghost, and the wardrobe by @dumbpeachjuice (book-verse)

@suseagull04: I was immediately intrigued by this fic title's Chronicles of Narnia inspiration, and the fic itself didn't disappoint! Ghost Alex, star-crossed lovers- what more could you ask for?

Jump in with your heart first by @dumbpeachjuice (book-verse)

@suseagull04: This is a blind date that, despite a hiccup or two along the way, will make you believe in soulmates!

Foxden Park by @myheartalivewrites (book-verse)

@dot524: Really enjoyed the slow burn of this one as the story unfolded. So many fun scenes - horse riding, canoeing, sneaky rendezvous in the library. An addicting, enjoyable read!

check out our past Monthly Faves here ❤️

[cozycottagetarot]

Quick Pick: Messages From Your Person

Hello, my loves! It's been way too long, but I'm finally back (hopefully for a long time) with a new reading as well as a bit of a rebrand. Today's reading is focused on messages from your person (kind of in the realm of a future spouse but generally a long-term partner) but I think for some of you it may come across as a current partner as well.

This is a pretty experimental reading for me. I want to start including an 'energy check' of sorts to help you better figure out if a pile is for you or not. I've done 'channelled' messages before but I felt weird about them so I've decided to give it a try again. The message aspect of this reading is just a free-flow writing of the cards that were pulled. And of course, I decided to play around a little bit more with my graphics. I'm always open to feedback, so I'd love to gather your thoughts on the set-up and reading itself.

Elle 🌿

P.S. I'm trying to re-do my masterlist but can't locate all my old pacs easily. If you come across one, I wouldn't mind if you send me the link. 🙏

Support My Work | MASTERLIST

Disclaimer: When reading tarot, my aim is to focus on self-reflection and seeking guidance. The readings you'll find here are designed to add a pinch of fun and entertainment to your day. While I might sprinkle in some advice that hopefully vibes with you, please remember that these insights aren't a substitute for any professional advice you might need-- after all, you know your journey best! For any love-related or future-focused readings, consider them captivating musings exploring possibilities. Divination inspired stories even. I can't predict the future but I do hope to add some enjoyment and insights into your everyday. Lastly my darlings, please take from these readings what resonates with you most, be it some, all or none, and leave the rest. 🌟

PILE 1

Note: Pile 1 your pile gave me absolute hell the first time around 😭. I was writing/channelling the message and the energy literally just gave way at one point, I was flabbergasted 🫨. Anyway, the second pull was much clearer, but I included notes I felt were important from the first pull in the post-reading notes section.

Your Energy:

Going through an awakening. A need or call for self-reflection. A new cycle is beginning. You must face what you are running from within, but you must also be patient. Rely on your inner strength. Needing to learn more about yourself before doing/trying something different. Potentially finding yourself in part of a mentorship. Connecting with people similar to yourself. Navigating regrets. Needing to let go of the old you. Needing to ground yourself.  A strong energy of needing to look within yourself. It is time to prepare yourself for your next journey.

The Message:

Can you let the past go? We’ve been through so much, the both of us, on our own and together. Why do you hold on to it when our future is waiting for us? I know I hurt you and I apologize. You didn’t deserve any of the pain I caused you. I don’t blame you [it felt like there was a specific reason but I couldn’t get the specifics] but I feel lost without you. I could tell you why, I want to, but words mean nothing without action. You know my story. My relationship with my mother, how that shaped me. You know I love the attention of it all, having everyone’s eyes on me. Makes me feel good.. makes me feel. But no one else’s attention mattered like yours did. I felt most close to myself with you. Please, please let go of that version of me you’re holding onto in your head. I’m taking space because I need to heal. I need to heal my relationship with me first before I can heal it with us. This isn’t goodbye; just so long for now. I’m taking time to put that me in the past too and find myself and what I want from this life. I mean it’s simple really, I want you, us. I want to give you the good life you deserve, but I need to fix myself first. Give me the self-love I deserve.

Post-Reading Notes:

There’s a mature, sad regretful energy. Someone on a journey of self-exploration. Two hurting souls who met at the wrong time. One of you may be further along in your healing journey or you’ve both healed parts of yourself and your relationship that the other one hasn’t healed yet.

First Pull Notes:

One of the first things that came to mind for me is a dark night of the soul… I haven’t heard that term in so long and I’ve completely forgotten what it means, but for someone in this pile, I feel like that may resonate a lot. Going through a tough time. Blow after blow. Your higher self or inner wisdom is trying to reach you. Introspection before a new beginning. An ending of something you don’t want to let go of?

Big things are happening in your life, and significant changes are taking place even though it might not seem that way right now. Lots of air energy. Gaining mental clarity is super important for you right now. Breakup vibes? You two are like opposite sides or motivations of the same energy. Holding on when you know you should let go. This is definitely your person (one of the cards literally says ‘You’re my person’).

PILE 2

Your Energy:

For some of you are at the end of suffering but lying to yourself about the truth of the outcome, while for others you’re running from the mistakes made along the way. Maybe it's both. You’re still grieving all that is lost, be gentle with yourself. Hard work and consistency may await you but keep at it. Adventure is closer than you think. You’re on the brink of success. Moving forward hurts, but you must. Your person (or something you've been romanticising) is waiting for you. You just have to be brave enough to step through the gate. Opportunities are coming your way. If you're interested in floral hobbies or embroidery go for it.

The Message:

I hear you. I haven’t given up on you. I hear the songs you play for me, I hear the songs of your heart. You’re my love, my soulmate. We were meant to be, you and me. You’re not crazy or insane, or any other term you demean yourself with. You’re my everything. I can feel your soul even though we’re apart. If I close my eyes hard enough, I can feel you there. I can see your sparkling soul mirroring mine... sad eyes, bright smile, you leave me in awe. I know you call to me, and I’m sorry I’m not there. Don’t hate me for it, please. I’m leaving behind all that has been holding me back… the same as you. I’m sorry it’s so lonely. I want to meet. What do you say? Impromptu trip to the tropics? Somewhere cold? I just want to escape the world with you and lie in your arms. You’re my home. I sit in your energy and let it guide me your way. But I do need time. Please be patient with me. I haven’t abandoned you. I’m finding me, for you. I dream about you so often and being the kind of person you’d inspire me to be.

Post-Reading Notes:

"I need you to run to me, run to me, lover." (Run by Hozier, the chorus specifically. I know the song is supposed to be a metaphor but I'm suggesting it at face value). A very healing energy to your person's messages. Your person could also fantasise about you a lot... in a non-x-rated 18+ kind of way. It was mentioned on one of the cards but that part of the card felt awkward in the rest of the cards. They’re possessive, it doesn't seem like in a negative or extreme way but again, that's not something that was strong or clear. There’s something to do with the attention of others. They just want to be yours completely… Honestly, a submissive yet dominant kind of energy. A protector and/or provider (take that as you will) who is absolutely smitten with you and will do anything you say.

I don't typically read for it, but one of the cards had twin flame written on it. It could also be symbolic of mirroring each other in your personal journeys in life.

PILE 3

Your Energy:

Powerful yet solitary energy. A new chapter of your life. Accomplishing a big goal. Moving to a new location. Creating a good foundation for yourself in preparation for what comes next. Balancing your energies. Sleep issues. Struggling with anxiety or managing thoughts after a traumatic event. Celebration. Having security. Authoritarian role or vibes.

The Message:

Okay, I can do this: I can’t get you off of my mind. I’m constantly thinking of you, viewing your content, trying to set myself up to run into you. I know it’s silly, especially since you hurt me. Who pines after the person that hurt them? Well, it wasn't meant to be mean. You’re just so mysterious I can’t ever read you and it or you make me nervous. I’m always worrying about what to say. I want to talk to you but opening up to others is hard. I’m afraid I’ll start crying or you’ll hear my voice crack. You’re my person. I’m sure of it. You’re everything I’ve hoped for in a person, everything I dream about before I go to sleep at night. You’re doing so well for yourself, but I want to spoil you and be there for you. Not always materially. I know you can cover that for yourself. But being there for you and spending time with you… I heard you were seeing someone. I hope it’s not true and even if it is, I hope it doesn't last. No, I’m not sorry. I’m going to work up the courage to reach out to you soon.

Post-Reading Notes:

Oh Pile 3, you’re so intimidating to your person. Secret admirer vibes. I definitely think you’ve got a very serious or professional energy and an intimidating appearance. That may especially be true if you’re taller than average for your demographic/s. The energies here feel very balanced or neutral (not heavily feminine or masculine) on both your end and theirs.

PILE 4

Your Energy:

Such a beautiful light-hearted energy. There’s such a beautiful and hopeful energy in this relationship here but it’s also possible someone or something is working against you right now. A very important decision is being made. Someone could be trying to take something from you, but keep going. You’ve got this incredible power/energy to you. Vows are super important, be it making them with someone else or making a vow to yourself to gain or achieve something. Collaboration. Having everything you need to succeed. There could be challengers coming your way but you're strong enough to overcome them.

The Message:

I’m sorry. I don’t know, that was immature of me. I swear it wasn’t like you thought but don’t worry I’m going to do better. Honest. You know, I dream about us being together and growing old. I dream about our kids. They’re so stinking cute. We’ve still got growing to do, ok, or I’ve still got growing to do. Please talk to me. You know I hate it when you give me the silent treatment. I know I disappeared on you and that wasn’t cool. I just get so… I care about you a lot. I don’t want to see you hurt. I want the best for you. I know I act all big and bad but I’m a softie at heart. That fight was weird. I don’t like it. It wasn’t like us. It meant nothing I know. Would you pack up and run away with me if I asked? I hate the distance between us right now. Im always listening to our playlist. I know I acted like I'm uninterested in something serious but I am. I want you. I miss you. I want to spoil you and give you everything you deserve. Just give me a chance. Please hear me out.

Post-Reading Notes:

The vibes while doing the reading felt like very young vibes? There’s a youthfulness there. Someone who either is actually young in age or hasn’t grown up emotionally in a certain aspect. It felt like they did something prideful that was hurtful to you and you two are in a disconnect during the moment captured in the reading. It didn’t feel like a serious fight. More so when you’re upset with someone and acting like you’re madder than you really are (your vibes) and the other person is sweating and begging you to talk to them again (their vibes).

Also, idk why but Peter Parker kept coming into my head 🕸️. I’m not feeling to analyse it so take it as you will.

[acebytaemin]

[end of an era]: closing #analook

first of all, i want to say thank you times five billion to everyone who’s ever tagged me in a post. it goes without saying that i have enjoyed every single one of them and will treasure this entire experience and all the beautiful creations i’ve gotten to see (and discuss in great lengths in the tags of course 🤭). now, that’s partly the reason why i feel like i should wrap it up - you all create such wonderful things and they all deserve my full attention and all the yapping i can muster yet sadly just don’t have the time to type up. it’s silly how much it’s meant to me (i might be tearing up a little) and how much i’m going to miss it, but i really do think it’s for the best. of course, feel free to @ me or send me any post of yours in the future - you know i’ll respond with enthusiasm. though it won’t come close to a gif/edit/artwork, i’ve typed up little thank-you notes to the main contributors to #analook as a token of my gratitude under the cut. love & appreciate you all SO so so so much! 💖

@atlantis-area - my dearest alexa, the reason i even started a user tag and got to experience all this, thank you The most 💖 hopefully you already know how grateful i am for you, so i won’t make it too long. it’s been a pleasure (and will continue to be) to watch your giffing style evolve and to get to be a fan of taemin alongside you. love you! 🩵

@herewegobebe - oh my darling ru where do i start 🥹 i’m soooo so thankful for your wonderful presence and your gifs (as ive already told you numerous times). you’ve been a real highlight of my tag (it’s still a bit of a starstruck moment for me to be your mutual/get tagged in your gifs tbh!) and it’s going to make me really really sad to potentially miss some of your gifs now but best believe i’ll be checking ur blog whenever i can 🙂‍↕️💖

@minhosblr - MAJA my number one gorgeous wino gif source i literally can’t believe you even tagged me in them to begin with i feel like it’s all been such a successful fan moment 🥹🐰🫶🏻 thank you so so much & ofc expect me all up in your tags regardless 😽💓

@kimsuyeon - my lili the absolute master of gifs with gorgeous quality and beautiful coloring and stunning women like you can truly do no wrong in my books anytime i see a gif of yours i get giddy and feel like cracking my knuckles and going IN in the tags. thank you soooo much for gracing me (and everyone else) w your gorgeous gifs 💝

@pink-vacancy - the way im going to miss yuna & mina served on a beautiful platter cannot be overstated.. thank you so much for adding a beautiful touch of cherry red spice to my tag 🙂‍↕️🍒💋 (and kinda beside the point but also for always being SO incredibly sweet & nice to me)

@faunandfloraas - jess my third favorite australian 🤭💕 your creativity and collecting moments/pulling parallels + funny tags have brought me very many giggles, thank you saaaaur much 😽💕

@chanrizard - sa thank you soooo much for my chan gif fixes 💖 and SORRY for all the stuff you’ve had to read in your tags and still tagging me regardless lmfaojfkdjdk you best believe you’ll keep on reading them as i’ll be a frequent visitor of your blog from now on 🫡

@rainknow - your art has been one my favorite things to find in my tag, thank you so so so much for using it! most wonderful capturing of lino i’ve ever seen, no one does his eyes justice like you do 😽💖 (pls if you ever feel like it and i don’t see a post of ur art mention me or send it to me - it’d be highly appreciated!)

@linoyes - thank you SO much for amping up the amount of linos in my tag, it’s been such a delight to see your giffing evolve and im excited to keep yapping in your tags in the future 🤭💞💞💞

@jonghyunluvr - your jjong/taemin posts are always so enjoyable, i love your insights and how you notice the same things as me sometimes hehe 🩵🩵 please do keep sending them to me by all means 😌

@shorelinnes - raf pleaseeee if you want to still send me or tag me in your art.. i’d be so sad to miss it and your gorgeous gifs too! im so very happy to have you around and i appreciate all the posts you’ve tagged me in so so much 💞

@strayklds - em i remember being nervoussss to ask you to tag me hdksjdk i think your gifs are so good and want to thank you Very much for tagging me in them! it’s really been a pleasure 🫶🏻

@briankang - TAY my minchan friend and my bangchan gifs supplier you best believe i’ll be checking your blog 🤭 thank you SO much for all you’ve tagged me in so far 💖 (still thinking abt your minchan ate teasers edits.. changed my life now idk if for the better or worse but. lives have been changed for sure)

@taeiltual - bex your gorgeous edits truly make me think that most of these companies truly need to do better, thank you so much for making everyone look more beautiful and tagging me along (hehe) for the ride! 💖

@ashmp3 @kissoflifes - thank you two SO much for using my tag as intended and for the highest purpose of all - in your gorgeous selfies! (& thank you zaynab for your beautiful gifs too ofc ofc) for sure still send them to me if i happen to miss them we Do Nottt want a tragedy like that to ever strike. love u my beautiful friends 💞💞

@28reas0ns - not directly related to my tag (though you did tag me in a couple of beautiful sets!) but just wanted to once again thank you for my header gif(s) i’ll really treasure them for a long time 💝

and a shoutout to everyone who’s tagged me in a few of their posts, thank you thank you thank you from the bottom of my heart! it’s really felt special every single time and i can’t thank you all enough for thinking of me and inviting me to yap in your tags like one would a vampire into their home. MWAH appreciate you all soooo so much 💖💖💖:

@reiiofsunn 💖 @drzephyr 💖 @hyunjinsource 💖 @minho-knows 💖 @speakofcompersion 💖@linolinoing 💖 @sunugf 💖

[orion-r34l1ty]

Alright…last Bad Batch episode on Wednesday. Time to pour my heart out

Bad Batch is one of the first series I’ve seen start to finish, from the day it released to this very last episodes.

I don’t get the chance very often, as I get into fandoms later in their lifetime, but I’ve been here since the beginning.

This characters mean so much to be, their lives and personalities and relationships, I feel connected to them. And I love that. The storytelling in this show is top-notch, and I don’t care if the finale leaves 500 unanswered questions, I will still love the show. It’s been fantastic from the start. Omega is definitely my favorite Star Wars character by now, and she’s been my favorite Bad Batch character from the start.

I will miss this show dearly. I do not want it to end at all, and I will be sobbing through the whole finale. But at the same time, I’m hoping for a happy end. I’m hoping they all get to go off and live happily, and hopefully live long enough to see the end of the Empire.

I’m also incredibly grateful to the fandom. This is such a wonderful place, and I’m glad it’s enjoyable. I love when I get to see people online with the same interests as me, who understand what I’m talking about when I ramble and can add insight, because they know the context. It’s nice to rant to my irl friends about Bad Batch, but they have no idea what I’m talking about. They listen, and that’s great, but being able to communicate and have a two-way conversation about these things is even better imo.

So, as the show wraps up, I think Bad Batch has definitely earned its spot as one of my favorite Star Wars TV shows (not sure if Andor can be beat). I will miss this show dearly. But maybe we’ll see them in the future. Maybe.

[maomaop]

Finished KnH vol10 !

This was definitely one of my favs?? It felt so long and complete, I loved the pacing and how it was structured.

Characters like Rikuson, Basen, Lihaku, Chue, Tianyu and Lahan’s brother (god knows if we will ever discover his name.. what a shame!) getting more spotlight was really amazing I really enjoyed seeing their dynamic together, I hope we will get even more of it in the future!!

Basen

Basen getting his character development arc thanks to ducks was unexpected but definitely NEEDED! His bond with ducks and mostly Jofu was hilarious and really unserious but it fits him so much😭

The little meetings between Lishu and Basen were adorable, I love the route the author is taking for their relationship. They desperately want to be around eachother it really couldn’t be more obvious!! Thats how soulmates are, however they both decided to continue going their separate ways for now in order to become the better version of themselves. They need to grow up, mature, and gain experience and work on themselves for their distinctive reasons. Hopefully by then Lishu will be over the age of 18 and things will work out between them.

I still have to talk about our stubborn man Basen, I appreciated reading the insights of his mind, getting to know more about how he sees some things from his perspective along with his takes on them. He thinks he has nothing really valuable about him outside of his brute strength but he’s much more than just a strong soldier to me. Regardless of his stubbornness he’s a very loyal and determined man, he stays true to himself while still getting the job done neatly and proudly because he has full trust in his superior.

Moving on to MISS CHUE!

I had to make this extravagant for her

Where do I start..? She’s SO likeable, there’s so much things to love about her

As Maomao said she’s VERY characterful, and I must say its true that she doesn’t look like a married woman with child in the slightest!! She’s very unique and silly, her presence during this volume made things so much more enjoyable to me. She stands on business while keeping her silly side (except when her mother in law glare at her…) She’s smart, quick witted and have a wonderful personality? ALL IN ONE nobody does it like her

She’s just in her own world, and I absolutely LOVED how she handled things with Maomao from the beginning to the end. Their dynamic was to die for, I remember Maomao being weirded out by her in vol9 but I knew she’d get along just very well with her she just needed to give it some time, I CALLED IT!

Chue being married to Baryou is absolutely insane to me, I mean just finding out Baryou was a married man was shocking but imagine my reaction when I found out Chue of all people was his wife? They are polar opposites and this is why Im in desperate need to know more about their relationship… Chue keep talking about hanky panky with him and I just can’t picture that at all..? Maybe Baryou do have that dawg in him after all regardless of his social anxiety heh

In conclusion Chue is hilarious and easily one of my fav characters of this volume, thank you miss chue for making this volume an unforgettable and unique reading experience for me!

Now its PLOT TIME

This volume was really an exceptional one, its just the beginning of the western capital saga but the result of the set up that has been happening for the last two volumes is perfect.

I’m a sucker for the lore of the windreaders and the whole thing revolving around politics: The empress regnant, the Yi clan and their connection to the windreaders along with them committing subterfuge with Shaoh. The ritual to prevent plagues involves domesticated birds, Shaoh being involved in this whole thing just couldn’t prevent me from linking it to the white lady. I talked about it here in details, this is all very suspicious but EXCITING!!! Gyoku-ou is clearly the one pulling the strings behind this chaos and scheming things in the absence of his father. I talked about it already here while reading the volume and the latest chapters just justified my doubts.

Chapter 8 was one of my favorites, Nianzhen’s story was very dark and sad, it lead us into thinking him and his tribe annihilated the whole windreaders tribe but it turned out to not be true after the CRAZY informations they gathered thanks to Kulumu in chapter 13 (which btw was also one of my fav chapters), everything and everyone seem to be somehow connected.

Jinshi being used by the shameless Gyoku-ou, and Gyokuyou being toyed with… I’ll start reading part1 of vol11 but like Gyokuyou said in the epilogue her fight is just getting started so we’re in for s long ride !

[ultrainfinitepit]

If it helps re: your tags about the recolor polls, I'm certainly a member of the LGBT community and I voted for recolors, whether other flags or entirely unrelated. I'm pledged to the campaign and planning on buying several things there, but I love the designs and think recolors in the future would be fun (and maybe also give me a second chance to grab some designs I'm not getting now lmao). I'm likely going to order some designs that aren't my personal flags, just because I like them, but I can see where that might feel weird to some folks, and non-pride recolors wouldn't have that problem, so that might be another reason some people are voting that way.

I would also think you likely have a decent LGBT following, given the pride angels and also how much your general vibe appeals to folks in the community, so it might not be that much a minority in the poll.

But I know there's a lot of factors to consider, and this isn't meant to try to sway you in one direction or another, just to hopefully provide some more insight about an average enjoyer of your art who voted yes to recolors!

Thanks for your input Anon! That does put me more at ease with the idea of making non-Pride recolors :)) I really appreciate hearing your perspective. And thanks for supporting the campaign!

[heavenlyhischier]

Hi guys! Sorry for just dipping without warning, but I wanted to kind of give you guys some insight as to why.

I had a major family emergency happen this week and I’ve been pretty stressed and worried with that. Everything is okay now, but it gave me a pretty big scare and all of my attention had been on my family. Also, I have been struggling a lot with my mental health recently and found that being on here doesn’t quite bring me the same joy it used to. Now, that has nothing to do with the friends and wonderful people I’ve met on here, but I do know some of it has to do with the fact that no matter what I say or do, it’s more often than not that I get some sort of negative message about it and it’s been quite draining over the last month or so. With that being said, I will be taking a break (I know I’ve said this a million times but this one is a long time coming) for an undetermined amount of time. Could be a couple weeks, could be months. I’m not really sure yet. I just know this isn’t the place that I enjoyed coming to in order to escape from reality a bit anymore. I might be dramatic but I just don’t have another way to explain it right now. Maybe the whole “distance makes the heart grow fonder” will apply to a tumblr break too ahahah.

Anyways, I appreciate each and every one of you so very much and am grateful for those of who have made the last almost year on hockey tumblr enjoyable and fun. Hopefully I see you sometime down the road 🥰

[heyidkyay]

I guess I’ll take this pain, instead of your name |

Epilogue

A/n: The finale. Heyyy, hope you all enjoyed the last update, I’m beyond grateful for all the love it got alongside the rest of this series, it means more than you’d realise. But I just had to indulge myself and write the epilogue too, made sense tbh and I really do love the way it went, there’s lot going on here and I feel like it was necessary to post! It’s just nearing 20k though so hopefully it’s enjoyable, there are a few different cut scenes, where we time jump, and one point where George gives us a little insight to the ongoings in his life, but overall it just shows the years after the end of 28. I loved writing this a whole lot but I am most thankful to @procrastinatinglikeapro for letting me annoy her with the emotions this brought up as well as giving me a place to bounce ideas around, so thank you, you lovely human:) Hopefully I can put you out of your misery now, and that the rest of you enjoy this last part? Thank you sm for reading! X

Summary: In life, things changed. The boys you'd once grown up with were men now, and famous ones at that. The type that toured the world and had millions of adoring fans.

The five of you shared a shit ton of history. But you also shared a lot of mixed emotions for one of them in particular, a certain drummer.

Masterlist

Epilogue -

Dealing with a shit hand in life, had both its downsides as well as its ups. 

With all the crap, the dirt, the anger and the grief, there also came perspective. 

As in, the more you’d been shafted with, the easier it was to deal with the more mundane things life had to throw at you. Like when the washing machine broke mid-cycle and flooded the kitchen floor in early December. Or missing the tube into work and being nearly twenty minutes late for an important client’s meeting. 

Even the times when all of your best mates, who were in a band, get suited and booted for a singular night, and then that said band goes on to win a Brit Award- only, you’ve gone and missed it all because you were stuck somewhere in a line to use the loo.

Yeah.

I swanned back over to our table in the mid-section just after, grateful that I’d had the foresight to check for loo-roll on the bottom of one of my heels as well as grab another champagne flute on my way over. 

Wasn’t one for the stuff, in truth. Literally anything else would’ve been better, but alcohol was alcohol and my anxiety always got the best of me at these kind of events. 

Even though I’d known the boys longer than the band had been formed, I hadn’t actually been to that many. This was my first one in quite a few years.

A small frown had etched itself onto my face by the time I made it over to our little section, the table was now half empty and not one of the boys were in sight- and I even ducked down slightly to see if they were pratting about beneath it too! But no such luck.

“Where’s everybody?” I asked Carly quietly, who’d been grinning like the cat that’d caught the cream before she turned to blink up at me. My forehead furrowed even further as I placed my glass down on the table top and took the seat beside her. “You alright? Is there something on my face or summat? You’re looking at me funny.”

She actually had the fucking nerve to laugh at me then, the cow.

“Oi, tell me!” I urged, swatting at her upper arm lightly after just having dragged my chair in.

“Only you, I swear.” Carly retorted, giggling freely now before she jutted her chin outwards, up towards the main stage. “You missed it, babe! They’re all up there!”

It was my turn to blink then, the alcohol slowing my ability to think functionally, before it finally hit me. My head snapped up towards the front of the room, where, low and behold, stood my four idiots.

Shit, I really needed to slow down.

But that was just a passing thought before I threw myself back up and out of my seat to whoop loudly for them, seemingly having lost all sense of decorum- or whatever it was that these toffpots loved to go on about- my anxiety having been well and truly chucked out the window.

The boys all appeared to glance over at me then, and I heard Carly snort behind an extravagant centrepiece just below me when the four of them laughed. Matty, the honest to God twat who was stood holding the award over by the mic, smirked though too, and it was so shit-eating that I could easily see it from across the floor. Instantly I knew what was coming. 

“Oh and would you look at that, the wonderful Birdie has returned!” Matty shouted out, eyes squinting with the extremity of his grin as he leant in closer over the podium, “Where you been then, B? Missed it, sweetheart! Ross reckoned you popped to the loo’s- pretty snazzy, ain’t they?”

“Felt like a queen!” I quipped right back, apparently unable to bite my tongue. 

The lot of them seemed to appreciate it though, as did some of the room.

“Our poor Georgie was a little lost on the way up, babe! But don’t worry, G, we’re all sorted now.” Matty teased, winking over at the drummer stood to his right. George rolled his eyes, but his mouth was curled to one side in a way that couldn’t be helped. “For everyone who doesn’t know the lovely Birdie! She has been with us sorry lot since the very start.”

“Before it.” Ross cut in from behind him, which sent Matty’s head nodding.

“Yeah! Before it even!” He corrected himself and then pointed the tip of their Brit award towards me, “Don’t think we could’ve made it this far without her, in truth. Probably would’ve had a big massive blow up and never have spoken to each other again, knowing us. But she’s the glue that binds us. Always.”

My heart swelled in my chest so much it almost hurt to breathe, and I couldn’t even bring myself to care for the hundreds of people sat in this room, never mind watching it all unfold on the tele, I’d just never felt so appreciated, especially upon seeing the rest of the boys all nod solemnly in agreement. I wiped haphazardly at my cheeks.

“But, as I was trying to say, long before we were all so rudely interrupted!” Matty went on, earning a round of chuckles throughout the arena. “We are beyond privileged to be here at all, and to have been nominated three times, too. Well, I ‘spose it just shows that we’re doing something right.”

I forced myself to sit back down at that and let the four of them carry on with their thanks. It was so beyond strange to sit through though, I don’t think it had ever really hit me just how much they’d grown and seeing them up there was all the proof I needed.

I thought back to the band practices, to the gigs in shitty dive bars and pubs, to touring and seeing them play for thousands of beaming faces. It reminded me of Carly and Adam’s wedding, and the birth of the band’s first baby. Made me think of Ross’s face when he’d come over to Matty’s after his first proper date, how buzzed he’d been, the look in his eyes. All of it had me wishing for the simpler times strung out by the pool and on the school’s playing fields. 

The years had seemed to pass us by so quickly.

I saw it in the wrinkled smile Hann gave Carly, the greying stands in Matty’s hair, and how G’s knees groaned whenever he sat down- though he’d never willingly admit it.

My family. They’d given me so much, filled many a hole in my war torn heart, but I don’t think they had any actual idea how deeply their presence was felt in me. And so as I stood once more to give another lungful of cheers alongside the rest of the audience, I vowed to make sure that they each knew just how loved they were and how proud they made me.

— 

“Yeah, yup. Of course! No, we do do peonies this time of year. Yes, no need to worry it’ll all be taken care of.” I pressed the phone against my shoulder and ear so that I could grab a nearby pen and paper to write a few details down, then hummed watching on as Delia came out the back of the shop. “Okay, and is that all? No, no, thank you! So it’ll be delivered on the Thursday, is that alright? Yeah. Okay, okay. You’re most welcome! Alright, have a good rest of your day.” Then I finished off the call with a classic British goodbye that always seemed to go on a little too long.

Delia was smiling at me now as she placed a couple of empty pots by the counter, hair plaited down the length of her back and with a pair of reading glasses tangled in its top. “Another order?” 

I hummed again with a happy smile at her ask, finishing off the address I’d just taken. “Yup! Big one too.”

“Oo, how lucky we are.” Delia retorted with a small chuckle and a pleased little smile of her own. It’d been a good week, lots of orders, which was promising after the past month we’d had. She glanced over to the clock on the far wall, then back to me, “You still skiving off early tonight?”

Skiving was hardly the term I’d use, but with a fond roll of my eyes, I nodded at her. “I am. That still okay?” Already knowing it was.

She tutted, waving me off. “You know it is. Just letting you know that he’ll be here any minute now.”

My eyes widened and I was quick to spin around to cast a glance at the time. “Shit.” I murmured to myself, listening to the faint laughter Delia gave as I undid my apron and hurried to tidy up what was left of my last bouquet.

“Leave it, love. I’ll be here another hour or so.”

I frowned, then shook my head, always one to clean up my own messes, but I was interrupted then by the shop door’s jingle. Both Delia and I looked up at the same time to find a familiar figure stepping through its archway, he wore his usual cheeky smile and had eyes that looked more alive than I’d seen in a long while. 

Well, I hadn’t really seen him in a long while, he’d been away on tour with the guys for months now and I’d only gotten small glimpses of him through texts and calls, as well as the odd sporadic visit between us both when we were really feeling the distance.

“George.” I breathed out, recognising the tension I’d been feeling for weeks now finally fall from off my shoulders. I couldn’t bring myself to move though, to race on over and throw myself into him like they did on the tele- mostly because that just wasn’t our style. But I did grin, couldn’t have stopped the beam of it in all honesty, and watched him walk the length of the flower shop only to pause about a foot away with his hands tucked neatly behind his back.

“Heya, Birdie. Fancy seeing you here, ey? And still not ready too. Ain’t already regretting having agreed to let me move in, are you?”

He was teasing. His favourite pastime had always been teasing me. But his words still resonated and as much as I wished to reassure him that that was most definitely not the case, I was still me and if he wanted to be a twat, then I could be an even bigger one. 

“Might be.” I sighed deliberately and slowly moved around behind the counter to hang my apron up on its original hook, before glancing over to where Delia still stood, wearing an amused smirk of her own. Far too used to our antics by now. “Just keep thinking about my lovely little flat being invaded by all your man-ness.”

“My man-ness?” George quizzed, withholding an obvious chuckle whilst he raised a questioning brow over the till at me. 

I hummed, tutting lightly before I glanced back at my boss. “You know what I mean, don’t you, Deils? The boxers and socks thrown about everywhere, wet towels left on the bathroom floor, having to clear up after not just yourself but them as well.”

“Like having a dog.” Delia immediately agreed with a dip of her head, “Eat whatever you feed them and don’t give you a minute alone.”

I snorted whilst George just shook his head at both of us.

“Well, most dogs don’t leave and come back baring gifts.”

“Eh, you’d be surprised.” Delia countered but by then I was already intrigued.

“Gifts, you say?” I questioned him, pressing my hip into the counter to rest my chin against my fist.

“Hm,” George hummed in low confirmation, those eyes of his dancing back and forth between my own, “But you know, could always just head on over to Ross’s, sure he’d be fine with housing me for a couple nights…”

I rolled my eyes at the very thought, “As if! He’s probably glad to see the back of you for a while. I’ve heard stories about tour, G. Remember that.”

It was his turn to snort then. “Most likely. Delia, you wouldn’t happen to have a spare bed going for a poor bloke who’s been fed empty promises and chucked out on his arse, would you?”

Delia sighed and shook her head, although she was still sporting a fond smile. “The pair of you. I swear.” She let go of a soft chuckle before checking my hip and shooing me off, “Get on out of here, would you? Driving me up the wall already.”

“You love us really.” I shot back easily, but was all too happy to oblige, rounding the till to grab my coat and bag before acknowledging that I was now standing a foot away from him once again. It’d been far too long. “Hey.” I said sheepishly.

George rolled his eyes at my awkwardness and made a grab for my hand, pulling me in close and pressing a kiss to my forehead before he slunk his arm around my waist. I let myself fall further into his embrace, taking in his familiar build, the aftershave he adored, the tightness of his hold.

“You ready to go?” He asked me gently and I dipped my head to hide the warmth of my smile, fingers finding a belt loop on his jeans.

“You sure you’re alright with me leaving early?” I said once more to Delia, hating having to leave her in the shop on her own.

“Yes! I’ve only told you about thirty times already, lovely. I’ll be more than fine.” The older woman immediately shot back, palms splayed on the countertop whilst she shook her head at me for umpteenth time today. “I think you forget I’ve been running this shop for well over a decade now, and I’ve been doing alright.”

My cheeks burned a tad at her words, but I just couldn’t seem to help it, once you were one of my people you were in for life. And I took care of the ones I held close. “Sorry, Deils. I know I’m being exhausting, I just-”

“Care.” Both her and George said simultaneously.

And I glared meekly at the pair then huffed, “Well.”

George chuckled beside me, the sound vibrating against the skin of my cheek, and could only seem to pull me impossibly closer, “Too much, sometimes.”

I threw my free hand up in the air with a light laugh, “Right. Sorry I’m overly considerate! But there are worst things you could be, you know. Like rude? Reckon the pair of you would know a thing or two about that.”

“Oh, gerroff it.” Delia laughed delightedly, tutting at me. George seemed content to just continue on grinning. “Go on, get out of here before I chuck you out.”

“You heard the lady, B. Don’t wanna overstay our welcome.” George added as he begun to usher us towards the door, but I saw the sweet smile he flashed the woman before the bell chimed once more. “Lovely seeing you again, Delia.”

“You too, be sure to pop back in before you head off on the road again.”

He laughed but assured her with a promising nod, “Will do.”

—

“That’ll be six fifty, sweetheart.”

I smiled and handed it over, pulling the cocktail I’d ordered across the bar whilst I scoped the place. 

It had been just a typical Tuesday night for me, I’d been in joggers, bra long gone, and curled up in front of the tele, but then George had phoned, spouting this and that about the album, telling me to meet the lot of them at a club down in Canning Town. 

I had no idea whether they’d started, finished, or just scrapped the whole thing, but it’d been doing everyone’s head in for months now, and for G to just call up and send a cab to fetch me out of the blue had me intrigued, so obviously I’d gone.

Only, they had yet to arrive. Fucking London. I swear as much as I loved it most days, you could hardly move an inch without it feeling like the entire city was shifting with you. Our flat was a lot further than the studio, but tonight the roads were crammed pack with traffic that had managed to work its way onto the A12, so I already knew that they’d be a little behind. I was merely thankful I’d had the foresight to skip the cab ride and just jump the tube.

A graze to my left arm then pulled me from my thoughts though and I glanced over to find a fella stood crowding the bar beside me, he was tall, blond, and although he appeared to be waiting on the bartender he was also a little too close for that to be his only intent. But me being me, I simply shuffled over a tad to give him some room and continued to sip at my drink, eyes still trained on the club’s entrance.

“Sorry about that. Didn’t mean to crowd you.” I heard the bloke say from beside me and his hand brushed my elbow as he took a polite step away.

“You’re alright.” I waved off, not really paying him much mind now that the bartender had worked his way back over to take this side’s order.

It was nearing almost eleven now and so I popped my phone out of my purse to see if G had sent me an update. He had, almost ten minutes ago in fact, but apparently I hadn’t heard it over the noise.

G: Stuck in traffic Won’t be long though x

I smiled and shot him a quick text back, saying I’d have a large talisker waiting for him.

It was only when I’d flicked it back off, not bothering with whatever else had popped up, that the guy caught my attention again. He’d already cheersed the bartender for his drink, coloured something ruddy, and then granted me a small smile when our sights crossed.

“I love the watch.” He said to me, dark eyes shooting downward to the antique that adorned my wrist.

Caught mostly by surprise, I found myself looking down at it too. It wasn’t much of a statement piece, dainty if anything and odd in its design due to the age, but it held a lot of sentimental value and was something I rarely ever parted with. Hardly anyone passed comment on it though. 

“Oh, thanks.” I replied, drink already back on the bar before I allowed my thumb to graze across it’s glass face briefly. “It was a gift.”

The man hummed around a swirl of his drink, “Looks rather old, got to be at least sixty now?”

I grinned and my surprise stuck with me, he was almost on the mark there. “Around about, it was given as a present to my grandparents on their wedding day. One of their friends gave them one each.”

That answer warranted a little shock of its own, I supposed. If you knew what to look for you’d see that the watch was a Hans Wilsdorf design from the mid forties and the one my grandad had worn completed a matching set. To say that they’d both been given as a gift, especially way back then, was amazing, but even more so seeing that both my grandparents had been working class.

“Can I?” He questioned and dipped his head down at it, asking for a closer look. 

He appeared to know a little about watches from what I’d grasped, or at least had a fondness for them, and seeing as it wasn’t the strangest thing to ever happen to me in a club, I held out my arm to let him. 

“It’s beautiful, well looked after.” He complimented sincerely with careful eye, “May I?” I frowned at his question, unsure on what he’d meant, but nodded once and was only slightly surprised when he took a gentle hold of my wrist to turn it over and glance at the clasp. “Even the engravings have kept.”

I smiled when he allowed me my hand back, glancing down at the watch again, the dim lights over the bar glinted across the metal. “It’s even got a small inscription on the back too.” I felt inclined to add, the chiseled words having stuck with me ever since I’d first seen them. 

The stranger smiled along with me, as though he understood the emotions my revelation held. “Do they have a story?” He wondered, before adding, “The friend behind the gift.”

It wasn’t a well kept secret, the background of my grandad, the friends he’d kept, the men he’d known. But it wasn’t one I’d heard very much of until the visits I’d taken to my Nana’s long after he had died and I’d left home.

“You could say that.” I chuckled and let my arm relax in my lap once more, “He was a… business man, of sorts. Had known my grandad since they were boys, grew up together.”

“A business man?” The man lifted an elegant brow, mouth following.

“Of sorts.” I reminded with a smirk.

“Oh, like that I see.” He smiled charmingly in retort, “Lots of business men mulling about in the fifties and sixties. Any big names I might know?”

I snorted softly, glad he’d caught on so quickly. “Probably. But I’m no snitch, so you’ll be hearing none.”

He narrowed a pair of dark eyes at me in a manner of teasing at that, and on any other girl they might’ve worked, might’ve even disarmed them. But, I was already happy, happier than I’d ever planned on being actually. “And here I was, thinking we were becoming fast friends.”

With a light laugh, I picked up my drink. “I have enough friends.”

“Oh, that hurts, darling.” The man instantly quipped back, raising a ring clad hand to cover his chest faintly. Yeah, he was definitely playing a game here, but just as I’d been about to affirm the fact that I wasn’t and also had a boyfriend, he spoke up again, “Go on, at least let me know the message engraved on the back.”

I peered over at him for a moment and he only quirked his brow in turn, I put my glass back down on the counter to unhook the first clasp on the watch, not enough for it to slip off (I wasn’t a fucking idiot) but so much so that I could flip the face on its front. And there, in a curved font, was written ‘Family has a way of being found amongst friends’.

“Wow.” The man murmured and I hummed softly in agreement, our heads bowed closely to read the inscription together in the dim lights. “Very wise words.”

I glanced up and smiled at him, ready to reply before a hand snaked its way around my waist. My head shot up at the touch and was greeted with the many faces of the band, but most importantly, George.

“You made it!” I beamed at them all, already shuffling over a bit to make room for the boys. Ross was already leaning against the bar though, ordering in a round, Hann seemed to follow his lead after gifting me an strained smile, which was confusing in itself, until I saw Matty’s shit-eating grin and felt George’s hand grow firmer on my hip.

“We did! Seems like you barely noticed though, love. Havin’ fun tonight, are we?” Matty baited, he was almost singing and his expression was nothing short of gleeful. He reached between me and the bloke I’d been speaking to to grab at my drink. “Cheers, B.” He added, raising the glass to his lips and downing what remained of it.

I rolled my eyes, albeit fondly. “You can buy me another now, Healy.”

Matty hissed theatrically through his teeth as though he was weighing on the thought, “Dunno about that one, sweetheart. Seems as though you’ve got bigger shit to worry about here.”

I pursed my lips in confusion just as the curly haired singer slid from view and then glanced up at George, who stood towering beside me. I poked at his side, “Not gonna even say hello? Been waiting ages for you lot.”

George glanced down at me at that and seemed to take a deep breath before he finally smiled, leaning in to press a kiss to my hair, “Hello, Birdie. Been behaving?”

My forehead pinched at his words, but when I looked up I saw the darkened haze his eyes held and felt my breath hitch. I wasn’t sure if it was down to the lighting in the club or something other, but whatever it was it had my emotions warring.

George turned away before I could mutter a single sound. “Sorry, mate. Don’t think I caught your name.”

It hit me then. 

G was jealous. And oh, how lovely that thought was. 

I was quick to dim the smirk that toyed with my lips upon the realisation and pulled a little bit away from his hold to offer the stranger I’d been sat with a truly apologetic smile, “Oh God, yeah, I didn’t either!”

The man’s stare darted between the pair of us before it landed back on me, he masked his confusion well and said, “Tom.” Then stuck a hand out to properly introduce himself, but before I could even think to take it, George beat me to it. 

I blinked.

“George. Not to be rude though, mate. But she’s already taken, so if you don’t mind?”

Startled by his harsh comment and the jerk of George’s head, I blanched and was hasty to reassure the man sat at the bar, “Don’t mind him.” Then turned to my suddenly temperamental boyfriend, “G, we were just talking about my watch. What’s up with you?”

He raised a single brow in retort but didn’t let up on the continuous stare he had on the stranger. Tom, who looked extremely fucking uncomfortable, merely held up a hand. “Didn’t mean to overstep.” He declared before he set his sights back on me, “Sorry if I made you uncomfortable in any way. But it really was a pleasure meeting you, hope you enjoy the rest of your night.”

I fish-mouthed slightly but nodded, “Yeah, sorry. You too.”

The man granted the pair of us a tiny smile and then let himself get swept up in the club’s crowd. I immediately spun around to face George.

“What the fuck is wrong with you!”

He had the cheek to reel back from my hissed words, acting as though I was the one being outrageous here. “Me? I didn’t do anything!”

“You were so rude!” I countered and felt his hand slip a tad from its place on my hip, “We were just talking!”

“He was chatting you up!” He immediately argued, “Anyone could see that from a mile off!”

“He was interested in my watch! And even if he was trying to chat me up, don’t you trust me enough to know when to draw the line?” I sniped back, all the earlier amusement I’d felt drained from my body. 

The skin between his brows pinched as he blinked and the palm placed on the small of my back splayed a little further, his voice softened, “Of course I fucking do, Birdie. Doesn’t mean I like watching people like him fawn all over you.”

“G,” I sighed, “We really were just talking.”

He dragged a roughened hand across his face before it dropped completely to his side and saw the imploring look he then wore, “Do you know how it felt, to walk in and spot you and him knocking heads, so lost in the moment that you didn’t even hear me call out your name?”

No, I didn’t.

Slowly I raised both my arms up to tug on the lapels of the blazer he’d thrown on, glancing up at him with a sincere smile. “I’m sorry. I didn’t realise. I can see what it might’ve looked like from an outside perspective. But I’d never do that to you, George.”

The tension in his shoulders seemed to loosen at my words, they were no longer hunched up by the lobes of his ears and instead settled where they were supposed to be. 

“I know.” He whispered quietly, but even over all the club’s noise I heard him. The hand on my back pushed against me to bring me closer to his chest and I went, smiling at the gentle touch of the fingers that grasped my chin. “I know.” 

I appreciated the reassurance. 

“And I wasn’t lost in the moment with him, just so you know. More in the story behind the watch.” I added, releasing the hold on his jacket so that my hand could wrap around his wrist, feeling the beat of his pulse there. A familiar rhythm. 

George glanced down at the watch Nana had gifted me all those years ago and then towards the matching face sat on his own arm. A pair reunited.

He knew. He knew the stories, all the tales. He knew the love and the loss. He knew how much I missed her. How much I longed to see her one more time. And in return, I knew he felt very much the same. Nana had taken George in as one of her own before any of us had even realised, called him up more than me some weeks, and in the lead up to her death she’d wanted to see him, to gift him her husband’s watch. He’d sobbed when she’d died and had given quite the speech at her funeral. I knew he understood.

“I love you.” I told him simply, kissing the thumb that had come to rest on my bottom lip, his eyes trained on mine.

“And I love you. I’m sorry for being a dick.” He comforted me. I hummed with a foolishly fond smile. 

“Good, then you can bully Matty into getting me that drink.” And with that said, I let him go, watching as he rolled his eyes at the order before wandering a few feet away to where Matty was sprawling himself across the bar to get a better look at the champagne bottles they had to offer. I guess we were celebrating then. 

Too lost in watching George corral his best mate from off the counter, I jumped a tad when Ross sidled up beside me, a fruity cocktail in hand.

“What is it with you and handsome strangers then?” He asked me casually and I snorted out an unexpected laugh.

“Dunno really. Why, you jealous?”

Ross wiggled his brows at me, “Wouldn’t that put a spin on the evening.”

The two of us shared a conspiratorial grin and he finally told me why the hell I’d been dragged out of my flat tonight.

—

“Vegas, ba-by!”

“Whoo!”

“VEGAS! VEGAS! VEGAS!”

“Alright, you lot.” George laughed from the backseat of the limousine Matty had rented out for the night- a bit over the top in my opinion, but when in Las Vegas, right? “Calm it down, will you? Only just got here.”

“Oh piss off, George!”

“Should I take my top off?”

“Yeah, fuck off, grandad!”

“I feel like I should take my top off.”

“Shit, is that Elvis?”

“I’m gonna take my top off!”

“Oi!” George’s arms wrapped around my middle and pulled me back down from the sunroof before I could, and I landed in his lap with an oof sound. “None of that, please.”

Hann snorted in the lounger across from us, a bottle of Smirnoff clutched in his right hand as he poured another shot, but was caught off guard by the shirt that came sailing at his face. It was then that Matty’s head popped back into view. 

“No worries, B. Ross took his top off in your stead.”

George snorted, Hann sighed, and I jumped back up to join in on the fun. 

“G, hold this, would you?” I said, top already balled up in my hand and cleavage to the wind whilst I grinned widely at all the lights that Sin City had to offer me.

…

We all ended up on the strip soon enough, limo long gone and the five of us marvelling at all it had to offer. We only had a night to pack full to the brim with stupid choices and a shit ton of money, because tomorrow we were set to head back on the road, headed off to a festival not too far for the band’s next show.

“Where to first then?” Hann asked everyone. 

“Caesars Palace!” The boys all chorused, but me, I had my mind set on other things. “Magic Mike.”

Matty looked over at me for a short moment whilst the rest of the guys simply raised their brows. “Yeah, alright then.” He agreed all too easily enough and that was it. “Magic Mike here we come!” Matty declared loudly before setting off, “Ross, mate, don’t get hard and embarrass us, alright?”

Ross’s bewildered squark was lost in the crowd of people we got swept up in as well as our obnoxious laughter.

…

It seemed that Magic Mike had been an experience and a half, and not just for me either. Matty left the show with a Cheshire sized grin, both Hann and G looked pink in the cheeks, and Ross… Ross was flushed and sporting glassy eyes. I’d been pretty chuffed with their reactions all in all, especially when one of the dancers had tried to drag George of all people up onto the stage. He’d refused adamantly, mind, probably too fearful of the fan’s reactions, but the woman beside us- well into her sixties and sporting a cane- had been all too happy to offer herself up instead. 

We’d wandered off to the casinos after that, but instead of heading straight towards the first table we saw or scoping out the machines, we all seemingly decided on shoving as much alcohol as we could possibly procure down our throats. To say that the aim of the night wasn’t getting sloshed beyond repair would be an utter lie. But this was Vegas and I would not stand to have it any other way.

Saying that though, with all the alcohol a lot of the night seemed to blur, sort of merge into one, the strip lights started to look like rainbows, the cars that passed appeared more Pac-Man like than anything else, and bad ideas seemed like the smartest thing we could do. 

Which is how George and I managed to evade the rest of the band in one of the local bars and escape to where we were currently stood, outside of a tiny chapel a street away from an In-and-Out. Classy. But I’d take it.

“You sure about this?”

“Are you? It was your idea!”

“With you? Always.”

We both seemed to giggle at that.

“I could really go for a burger, you know.”

“B, aren’t you like a plant person?”

I snorted. “Vegetarian, you mean?”

“Hm, same thing, in’t it? Don’t think birds actually eat burgers though.”

Birds. “Well for one, I’m not an actual bird. And b, have you ever seen a seagull?”

“Shit, yeah. You’re right.” A thoughtful pause. “Think I want a burger too.”

“Alright, after this then?”

“Yeah, alright.” He grabbed my hand a little tighter at that and I looked over to find him grinning like a loon. “After this.”

…

I startled awake to loud incessant knocking and immediately groaned into my pillow at the pitiful pounding it kickstarted in my head. I’d never felt so worn and sluggish, and a hellish fury rose within me at the startle, but seeing as the knock-ee couldn’t see through walls, I supposed they still had no idea that they were currently the cause of World War III.

Somewhere to the right of me, George seemed to wake also, grunting at the onslaught of noise and huffing loudly, “Fuck off!”

I winced at the jarring sound of his voice, and it appeared he did too, but was grateful when the banging finally stopped. Only it wasn’t for long because as soon as it did, it started up again and was joined by Matty’s head-splittings shouts.

“Open! This! Fucking! Door!”

He was relentless and somewhere, in the very depths of my mind, I found it odd how he wasn’t in his or someone else’s hotel room nursing a violent hangover of his own.

“Now! Open this door right fucking now!”

It stopped again for a moment, catching me enough by surprise that I dug myself out from under a plethora of sheets. Then let my eyes slip close again in annoyance when a second voice sounded alongside Matty’s own.

“Sir, I’m going to have to ask you to either calm down or leave.” Came the muffled order, “We’ve had multiple complaints in the last five minutes alone.”

“Calm down? Calm down! Mate, I don’t think you have any right to ask that of me right now! I’m freaking the fuck out here. I’m beyond fucking pissed! YOU HEAR ME?” He seemed to shout louder then, obviously aiming that last bit at us. George huffed beside me but thankfully made to move. “FUCKING FUMING! I MEAN, WHAT KIND OF PEOPLE- FRIENDS, EVEN! DO THAT TO A-”

The tyrant roaring cut off then and I peered across the room to watch as George ripped the hotel door open and tugged Matty into the suite by his elbow, all whilst wearing nothing but a thin sheet. 

“Will you shut up, you mouthy twat?” He muttered, levelling Matty with a glare nothing short of hellish, though was only met with a childish scowl in turn, before he looked back at the bellhop, a well groomed man with sleek black hair and a thin lipped smile. I groaned internally. “Look sorry, mate. He’s had a rough night, we’ll make sure to keep the noise down from now on.”

“Rough night?” Matty snarled with an undisguised snort- whatever had him this riled up was sure to have been big. But George gave him another look of disdain, apparently not all that pleased to have been so rudely awoken and forced to deal with his bullshit, and he relented to a scowl. I kept myself hidden beneath the covers.

“It won’t happen again.” George quietly assured the hotel worker and sighed heavily once the man had given him a curt nod and the door had shut. “What the actual fuck is wrong with you?” He immediately asked, rounding on the curly haired idiot now stood in our room, before taking a deep breath and stalking his way back across the floor, dragging the sheet with him. I attempted to sit up.

“What’s wrong with me? What’s wrong with you! I can’t fuckin’ believe you two!”

With a frown that was more of a pained grimace, I grabbed a random shirt from off the floor beside the bed and tugged it on- it was George’s, but thankfully it’d been the one he’d chucked off before we’d headed out last night.

Thinking back to last night though, I rubbed at my bleary eyes and tried to recollect the events that had happened after the fishbowls we’d devoured at a themed bar I could not for the life of me remember the name of. But they just wouldn’t come.

“What’s wrong, Matty?” I questioned, my voice all gravelly, and I faintly recalled then having screamed quite a bit- in all sorts of situations. My cheeks flushed at the vague memories that swam towards the forefront of my mind.

“What do you mean, what’s wrong? B, how fucking could you!” Matty quipped straight back, looking just as grim as I felt, his hair in disarray, still in last nights clothes, and stinking up a storm.

“Matt. I need you to slow down, my head’s fucked enough as it is and you’re not helping.” I told him, scrunching my face up as a sudden wave of nausea rocked through me. 

“Exactly.” George grunted out and I looked over to see him forcing up a pair of boxers, beyond the point of caring if he had an audience or not.

Matty glared between the pair of us, but then George sighed and sat himself back down on the bed, and Matty’s narrowed eyes seemed to soften. “You honestly have no clue what I’m on about, do you?”

I rubbed at my temples, “No idea.”

“Hm.” George muttered in a huffed agreement and swiped a hand across his face before he stilled in his entirety.

“What?” I said, confused by the way he’d gone so stock-still, “If you’re gonna chuck up there’s a bin right there.” I added just in case, gesturing halfheartedly over towards the cluttered desk not too far from the bed.

George didn’t seem to hear me though, instead just turned very carefully and very slowly in his seat to look over at me.

“What?” I asked him again, this time a little more frenzied, throwing my hands down onto the duvet that covered my lower half in a huff. My patience had already been worn thin, and he really wasn’t making things much better. 

George’s gaze seemed to follow my hands though, before his head instantly snapped back up in Matty’s direction like a rubber band that’d been cut. 

“Oh shit.”

Matty rolled his eyes. “Yeah, oh shit.”

“What? What’s goin- Oh, shit.”

My eyes caught on the glinting stone stationed on my left hand and my breath caught, all thoughts fleeing as my lungs refused to function any further than that. Oh shit indeed. 

“I- What does that even mean?” My gaze darted from Matty’s bewildered face to George’s shellshocked expression and then to the man’s matching hand. “Christ. What did we do?”

I was really freaking the fuck out now and wondered briefly if this was all just an alcohol induced dream, if I’d had one too many shots, or stumbled too hard and ended up face first in a fountain.

But then the door to our hotel room shot open and in swanned Ross looking like Camilla on Coronation day, as well as Adam who was scrolling frantically through his phone. 

Ross seemed to have hardly been affected by any of last night’s antics, still looking as lovely as ever, and was unwelcomely singing a familiar Billy Idol tune as the two of them wandered in further. “Hey little sister, what have you done? Hey little sister, who's the only one?”

I chucked the nearest thing I had to me at his giant head, which ended up being a small red box, but he merely caught it in midair and grinned. “It's a nice day to start again. It's a nice day for a-” He carried on with his wind-up, peering down at the box passingly before his eyebrows shot up to a scary degree. He whistled lowly, cutting himself completely off, then let his wide eyes glance over to George and I. “White wedding.”

Those last two words had the entire room falling silent. The hotel even, hell, maybe the entire fucking planet! I could barely hear anything above the beating of my own heart that had started banging like a metal drum in my ears.

Belatedly, I forced myself to try and gauge George’s reaction to this whole thing but my boyfriend- oh God, my fiancé now? Husband?!- appeared to already be staring right back at me. His expression gave nothing away except for the apparent shock swimming in his eyes. I wondered if I mirrored it exactly.

Matty, who’d been silent ever since the revelation had hit the two of us, now seemed to jump start and cautiously he made his way over to my side of the bed, precariously taking perch in front of me before he then took my hand- the one without the life-altering reminder, thankfully. Small mercies. 

“B? You okay?”

My mouth was dropped open in utter shock but slowly I turned my head to stare up at my best friend, the boy who’d been with me through everything. Everything but this it seemed. 

“Hey, love. You’re alright. Just a big shock to the system, yeah? You’re alright.”

His quiet reassurances didn’t do much, but they helped ebb the fizzing thoughts my mind didn’t have the capability to process a bit. I forced myself to inhale, to take a breath, but it must’ve seemed rather abrupt to Matty who hastily drew himself closer to place a hand on the back of my neck.

“Just breathe. I’ve got you. Breathe. You’re alright.”

I started nodding, I think. Attempted to absorb the information whilst I breathed in and out, breathing like Matty told me to. Another set of hands found me soon enough. Mindlessly I acknowledged the dip in the bed beside me, as well as the careful fingers that threaded themselves through my hair, and then the loving thumb which trailed sweetly down the length of my forearm.

“You feeling any better?” Someone asked a little while later, and I nodded slowly, forcing my head back up and my eyes open once I no longer felt like the room was caving in on me. 

“Yeah, sorry.”

“Don’t apologise, love. Nothing to be sorry for.” The voice assured me, it was George, I realised.

“Feel like a twat. For reacting like that I mean. I didn’t, I mean, it’s not like I wouldn’t want to-” I could barely bring myself to say it, but George seemed to understand me nevertheless. 

We’d spoken about it before, of course. But not since we’d gotten back together and only ever when we’d been kids, way back before the band had taken off, before life had chewed us up and spat us back out. 

I’d never been gone on the idea, marriage was a big deal, scary in a sense. Seeing what it had done to my parents, to my mum after losing my dad, I never wanted to end up like that. Too terrified to be alone and too desperate to fill that void with anything and anyone. My skin itched even now at the very thought.

But I was also old enough to realise that whether George and I were… married or not, I’d still be just as destroyed if I lost him.

George had vaguely agreed with me back then, though I do remember one night, at Nana’s the summer after our first visit there, where he’d said something different. We’d been curled up on the guest bed, wine drunk and happy, he’d held me close, half naked with our arms and legs entangled, he’d whispered and I’d barely even heard him, slipping tiredly into sleep. But he’d said it and I’d remembered, even after all these years.

“If I ever did get married, it’d have to be to you. I mean, you’re an anomaly, Birdie. You’d make sure it worked out, that everything would be okay. Reckon then, it’d all be fine.”

I recalled myself smiling sleepily at his words but unable to truly believe them.

George loved me and I loved him. And that was all that mattered, right?

Nothing could change that. It hadn’t then, and it wouldn’t now. I knew that.

“Wait, how did you lot even find out?” I forced myself to ask the rest of the room, chest still aching from the panic I’d put my body through, thoughts starting to numb the headache of my hangover. I glanced between the rest of the boys, but my sights settled on Matty seeing as though he’d been the first one to barge in. “Well?” I prompted. 

Matty scratched at the back of his head and I watched his mouth quirk up into something that resembled a smile, only it was anxious and strained. Didn’t reach his cheeks, let alone his eyes.

“Twitter.” Hann answered for the three of them, already handing his phone over. 

George wrapped an arm around my hips and shuffled closer to view the screen, whilst I had the pleasure of scrolling aimlessly through a feed of fan reactions and news outlets. The panic that was still there came back in full force but I wouldn’t let it overwhelm me like I had before, instead opting to swallow it all down and continue on.

“How did they even find out?” George questioned with a strange pitch to his voice upon seeing multiple pictures of the two of us loving it up outside the chapel we’d obviously chosen, as well as us eating by a window at a nearby In-and-Out Burger it seemed. Fucking hell, was all I could think.

Ross tossed the box I’d thrown at him earlier towards George and we both glanced down at it. It hadn’t just been an ordinary box and I could see that now, what with the sleek embossed logo for a Las Vegas jewellers sat proudly on the top.

“Couple of people saw you inside the shop, called the paps. Things started to add up when they caught sight of you at that chapel, I ‘spose.” The bearded giant told us and I felt the lump in my throat start to grow. 

I’d been pictured with the band and George before, on tour mostly, but sometimes at events and such, but rarely ever papped in public. Not like this at least.

I let my head drop onto George’s shoulder and wielded my eyes tightly shut, I wanted to scream or cry, but I didn’t know whether it was in joy or utter fear.

Then I felt a soft pair of lips come to rest against my head and I moved slightly to wrap my arms around George’s middle, wincing when I realised I hadn’t even asked him how he was feeling.

“How are you taking all this? I didn’t even ask, I’m sorry.” I murmured into the curve of his arm, but he only seemed to press his face deeper into my hair.

“Look, we’d best give you some space, yeah?” I heard Adam start to say, voice echoing in the quiet room. “Let you get some clothes on and sort your heads out.”

“Yeah.” Matty breathed out in agreement and the bed shifted as he removed his weight from it, his hand squeezing my shoulder just the once.

“Maybe text us when you feel like talking, we can grab some food and bring it back up.” Ross suggested and I felt George nod above me, and together we sat there listening to footsteps pad their way out of the room. Leaving us alone again. 

—

So after that whole scandal, England’s very own Ross and Rachel eventually had to make their way back home. And yes, Ross and Rachel because let’s be honest here, if George and I were anyone amongst the Friends cast then we’d of course be those two. And I don’t know, Matty could probably play at being a good Phoebe, then Ross and Hann would end up as Joey and Chandler- work it out between yourselves on who’s who there. And I suppose that would leave the lovely Carly as our very own Monica. Only, this is all happening before season four, of course, and Carly is already back home waiting for her husband to touchdown. 

So maybe not. I don’t know! My mind was still in a right state after everything that had gone down in Vegas, and I’d hardly been able to process most of it due to tour and the festival, and the onslaught of fans and paps, as well as people back home. Denise had not been happy to find out the way she had, let’s just make that one thing known. 

And then there’d been George’s parents. 

Sighing quietly, I placed a hand over George’s own to still the nervous tapping that seemed constant nowadays and watched as he stilled for a moment, turning in his airplane seat to glance over at me. 

I allowed my body to mimic his movements, only pulling my leg up to press against the arm of the chair and resting my head to the side. I smiled softly at him, more than a little glad that we’d made the decision to take separate flights from the rest of the boys in attempt to throw off the media. 

“Do you want to talk about it?” I asked, letting him take my hand in his and not saying a word when he toyed with the silver band that had yet to leave my ring finger.

George shrugged a shoulder, gaze caught on the pretty stone. “I haven’t a clue what I’ll say, is all.”

I licked my lip in thought, still watching him closely. The plane back home probably wasn’t the best place to talk about this, but we’d hardly had a minute alone since Vegas, what with the tour and the guys and everybody else. And besides, if there were any privileges to take full use of when dating a musician you’d drunkenly married then it would most definitely be First Class seats. Everyone else around us was either dead to the world or wearing headphones. We were safe enough here.

“Did you answer yet? Or, are even you going to?”

He drew in a large enough breath before he answered me, but that seemed to be answer enough.

“I haven’t yet and I don’t know. I- They’ve called quite a bit, but mum left a voicemail the day after and later on dad sent a text.” He revealed and I tried to reign back my surprise, though it made sense now to how little he’d wanted his phone near him the past few days, even when he’d been casting it longing glances from across the length of the tour bus.

I swallowed. “Have you listened to it?”

He dipped his head in a nod but didn’t meet my eye, attention still so focused on the hand he held.

“Right… and have you read your dad’s message?” Another nod. This was so hard, I’d honest to God been dreading their reactions so I had no idea just how George was taking it all. I desperately wanted to just tug him in and never let him go again, hope that if he stayed wrapped up in a hug that the world would just leave him be. “Did,” I took a small breath to gather myself, “Did they react like you expected?” Badly, it could only mean badly.

I heard him let out a small and tired chuckle, “Mum did. Dad…”

Okay, so there was hope. There was still hope.

“I listened to the voicemail first, it was,” George inhaled sharply and I took note of the deep furrow between his brows, the way his touch softened on my hand, circling the ring. “It was a lot. I expected it though. The shame she felt I brought, getting married like that, looking the way we did, drunk and stupid. Her words, not mine. Said she wouldn’t be surprised if I was high out of my mind too, or if it was all just fake in an attempt to spurn her some more and get attention.”

Talk about being full of yourself. But I kept that thought to myself, I was angry yes, fuming even, but it was George’s call on how we handled this, because we would, together.

He sighed again, but finally looked back up at me. “She said a lot of other shit I can’t be arsed to think about anymore. But just know that I know that none of it’s true. Hurtful, yeah. Of course. But true?” He shook his head, “Nah.” He exhaled, “And I know we haven’t really,”

“Spoken about it?” I finished for him and he smiled, this tiny but fond thing that sent my heart stuttering.

“Yeah. But no matter what happens, this,” He tugged my palm up to his chest and held it between his hand and his heart, “This is the greatest thing I’ll ever accomplish.”

My eyes instantly prickled at that, just as my breath was knocked from deep within me. I had to fight to swallow and felt my hand clutch the cloth of his shirt.

“Me too.”

George grinned, a complete 180 to the tender smile he’d been wearing, but still so gut-wrenching. Only, in the very best way.

“Good.” He whispered to me, tens of thousands of feet up in the air, and lifted our joined hands to press a kiss to my skin. “Good.”

“So this is it? It’s sticking?” I asked him, hope already so high that I was sure it would shatter if he wasn’t there already holding his arms out towards me. 

He chuckled at my words and leant in close, fingers toying with my ring. “It’s sticking.”

My breath hitched and I found that I was grinning too, almost madly. Eyes trained on his whiskey brown, the very same I’d been staring into for well over a decade now. And still, they mesmerised me like no other.

“Good.” I whispered and finally closed the gap between us.

—

Life after getting hitched was, almost boring in a way? Things continued on as they always did, G in the studio and me at the flower shop. Our friends had gotten over the fact that we’d eloped on a whim- namely Matty, although he was still a little bitchy about it at times. And Denise had thrown us the loveliest party when we’d gotten back to the UK (not that anything could’ve stopped her, not even an apocalypse it would seem). 

The party had been a small affair with just the people we held nearest and dearest, and although it’d been to celebrate the two of us and our commitment to one another, it had also been a great excuse to see everyone we hadn’t seen in ages again, even if we did end up apologising to them every five minutes. George’s dad even ventured down to join in on the festivities, which was the biggest but best surprise yet. The two of them were now working hard on rekindling their relationship with the absence of his mother.

It was just the media that had yet to die down in truth, so we were forced to get used to seeing our ugly mugs plastered everywhere, online and on magazine shelves. Fans of the band were a little intrigued by the idea of George having someone permanent too, even if I had already been around for ages. But Matty had mentioned to me previously when I’d brought it up one evening, that only the older lot really knew of me, from gigs and old photos, hardly anyone knew that G and I had been together since we were kids, let alone having been in a relationship for a little over two years now. It was strange but I left it be.

It was summer again, finally, and everyone was currently taking up residence in Hann’s back garden. See, Carly had wanted to throw a bit of a get-together, have a barbecue now that the sun was back out and everyone was in London again, or at the very least England (cough, cough, Matty).

Hann had been unable to say no, typical for the two of them, and had started sending out invites via text as soon as. 

I was surprised I’d actually made it, in all honesty. Not that I’d had other plans or simply didn’t want to be there- there was no place on Earth I’d rather be than with this useless lot- but all week I’d been feeling like shit. But I’d been a bit under the weather for a short while now, on and off really, though I’d yet to go and see anyone about it. Ever since the crash and all that crap a couple years back, I’d really struggled with hospitals and doctors, hated the thought of them, even phoning up for G had me feeling queasy. 

This morning I’d felt beyond nauseous and more than a little crap when I’d woken up, but George had made breakfast after having popped out to the shops and had come back with a bouquet, as well as a hello from Delia, which had put me in much better spirits. So I’d gotten ready and forced myself into the car and had been quite thankful for doing so up until now.

We were all gathered out in the garden, the sun was shining bright, the grill was alight, drinks were being passed round, and me, I was absolutely fucking miserable. I was far too hot, even in my pretty sundress, feeling flustered beyond belief at the onslaught of emotions that kept on hitting me, and then to top it all off my stomach had been acting up since I’d sat down and caught a whiff of the onions on the grill.

I pressed a palm to the base of my neck as I struggled to keep my cool, breathing steadily whilst hardly paying attention to the chatter of the girls sat around me. It was the usual group of us, some of which I hadn’t seen for a good couple months, but I could not bring my body to simply just focus or stop irritating me in its entirety.

It was just as Matty swanned over, an arm flung round Waughy’s waist as the two of them talked, that I couldn’t stay sat there anymore. I was quick to flash the pair of them a welcoming grin but excused myself to make my way back inside.

“You okay?”

I glanced up at the voice, beyond grateful to have escaped the sun, and caught sight of Carly messing with some extra picky bits on the counter, salad and whatnot.

I forced another smile and nodded, “Yeah, just wanted to nip to the loo.”

Carly copied the sentiment, though gifted me a bottle of water that she had on hand before I could dash off, “Take that, you’re looking a little flushed, babe. Might help with the heat.”

My smile was more genuine this time around as I took her up on the offer, enjoying the crisp chill that lined the outside of the bottle. “Thanks. And yeah, reckon I’ll just sit in the shade for a bit.”

Carly went to say something else then but was thankfully pulled away by the toddler that came shuffling through the backdoor. I took the opportunity to hurry out of the kitchen and towards the downstairs bathroom, sliding in and shutting the door with a sigh.

I went straight on over to the sink and turned on the water just to wet my hands before taking up perch on the closed toilet lid, listening to the water trickle and flow, hoping it would calm me slightly. Then I took the chance to down half the bottle Carly had gifted me, a bit grim sure, but with the loo being my only escape I hardly had a choice here. The water was practically heaven sent and allowed me a second to take relief in the coolness the room had to offer, its chilly tiles and blinded window kept any and all sunbeams at bay.

But now that I had managed to evade the heat, I realised I’d been left with a rather prominent headache I hadn’t noticed earlier in my agitation. Knowing Hann though, he was always well prepared and probably kept a couple paracetamol in the bathroom cabinet.

I grinned when I got up and pulled open a door to find that I’d been right. I went to grab at the packet only to pause when I caught sight of something else sat on the shelf below it.

A box of pregnancy tests.

No, I thought. It wouldn’t make any sense. But it really seemed to hit me in that moment that maybe, just maybe everything I’d been feeling as of late could boil down to one single thing.

“No.” I repeated, this time out loud and accompanied by a disbelieving laugh. But still I found my hand reaching towards them.

I only reckoned that they were in there in the first place because Adam and Carly had given away the fact that they had wanted to start trying again a couple months prior. Around Easter time I think it had been.

I shook my head to clear my thoughts, but they all seemed drawn to this singular idea, and although I already knew that it was stupid, almost incredibly so, to even think that I could be, well… I still allowed myself to grab at them and it was almost on autopilot that I pulled out a stick and shakily made my way back to the toilet.

I made quick work of it, all that water I’d been drinking seemed to help, and found myself leaning over the sink waiting for a stick to determine what I already knew would be false. It had to be. There was no other way.

But then. I guess there was.

My eyes widened and I reckoned I forgot how to breath let alone how to think when I caught sight of the exact opposite of what I’d been expecting. 

Oh and wasn’t that the worst word to use right then. Expecting.

A jolted knock at the door knocked me right back into reality and my wide eyes flew over towards it. I didn’t answer though, I didn’t have in me, but then the knock came again, followed by a, “B, you in there?”

Fuck, Matty. Of course it’d be Matty!

“Yeah?” I called back, voice as shaky as my legs seemed to be.

“You alright? Only, you looked a bit peaky out there, then Carls mentioned it too. Figured I’d come check.”

With trembling hands I pushed myself off of the sink and across the tiled bathroom floor, steeling myself before fiddling with the lock. “Fuck.” I muttered, shaking so severely now that I was surprised I was still standing.

“B?” Matty asked again, but I somehow managed to open the door a crack to find him stood on the other side, a pair of dark sunnies tucked into his effortless curls and his usual grin in place, although looking a tad bit wobbly. “You alright in there?”

I swallowed and before I could think better of it I said, “Get Ross.”

Matty’s expression crinkled in confusion and to be fair to him, it was a strange ask, I must’ve looked a right state, but I wasn’t asking for him or for George, I was asking after Ross.

“What? B, just let me in, will you. What’s goin’ on?”

I shook my head and held tightly onto the doorframe as though it was the only thing keeping me upright, it likely was. “I need Ross.”

The quizzical frown Matty wore only deepened but he backed up a bit, “Come on, stop being a prat. You’re acting weird, freaking me out a bit, in truth.” He chuckled faintly, obviously still conflicted, “Just let me in and we can talk, yeah?”

“Just fuck off, Matty! Call Ross, now.” I all but ordered and the surprise that fluttered through his features would’ve been surprising but I was too far gone to be paying attention to all of his many emotions when I could barely hold onto my own. “Please.”

His resolve seemed to crack at that and he looked at me for a long second before nodding swiftly, “Yeah, alright. Yeah, I’ll go get him.”

I swallowed down the choking sensation I suddenly felt crawling up my throat and nodded in reply, shutting the door before he even had the chance to run off.

“Fuck.” I hissed through my teeth, pressing my face against the bathroom door in an odd attempt to keep myself from sobbing outright.

Had I been too harsh? Matty had only wanted to help. I understood that. I did. But it was Matty, and as much as I fucking loved the daft idiot, this was not a scenario he was built for. Not at all. If I’d’ve let him in and he’d seen that test sat on the sink he’d have freaked out even worse than me. The whole house, no, the entire street would’ve known something was amiss the second he started having a mental breakdown. It was better this way.

And besides, I felt like I really needed my big brother for this one. This was real life shit, and as much as Ross and I bickered and fought, we had a relationship like no other. He was someone I’d always looked up to, someone who knew how to talk me down, to keep me grounded and centred. He had all the answers, and when he didn’t then he knew exactly what to say to sound as though he did. He’d know what to do, he’d sort it all out.

I jumped at the knock that came in that next moment, feeling the vibration buzz through my skull and only accentuating the headache I’d given myself, but still I moved towards the lock once more and was beyond grateful to just see Ross stood there, hunched a little to peek in through the gap at me with a smile.

“You called, your highness?” He remarked playfully and before I could even get the door open any further, the tears started flowing helplessly and I had to watch the way Ross entire expression went from playful to utter horror in a split second. “B, what happened?” He immediately asked, crowding against the door to shuffle in and I allowed him, watching him lock the door once more before I fell into his arms completely. 

“Shit. You’re alright, love. It’s okay.” He reassured me softly before carefully wrapping his arms around me, sheltering me from the rest of the world.

The two of us stayed like that for a while, I wasn’t sure how long in truth, enough to let the dull rock he’d started up calm me whilst listening to the faint murmuring of his voice. It was familiar and so very needed right then that I clung on tighter to the back of his shirt as I tried to muddle through my messy mind.

We pulled away soon after, though he still kept me at arms length whilst guiding us both over to the side of the small bath. Ross took a seat on its edge and I followed, thankful that he had the foresight to keep an arm wrapped around my shoulders to keep me close, otherwise I figured I might’ve slipped right into the tub.

“You wanna share with the class or am I gonna have to play a round of charades here?”

I chuckled wetly at his crap joke but it appeared to settle him a bit, being back on familiar ground.

I sniffed and smiled when a wad of tissue was shoved my way. “Ta. Sorry for um, all this. Just, I didn’t want to talk to anyone else.”

“Nothing to be sorry for, glad I could be some help.” Ross laughed, squeezing me a little tighter and assuring me that he meant it, “So, you gonna fill me in on what has you sobbing in Hann’s loo? There are burgers out there, mate, and hotdogs, fucking kebab skewers even! What’s there to moan about?”

I elbowed his side lightly, finding humour in his words just like he’d wanted. “I’m a fucking veggie, Ross.”

“Shit, yeah. Forgot about that detail.”

I rolled my eyes and then rubbed at my nose lightly, “Only known me since you were about ten, MacDonald.”

“And aren’t you grateful for it.” Ross quipped right back with a smirk, “Come on now, spill.”

I huffed and was forced to remember the terrifying detail I’d been trying to come to terms with, not that I really could. But before I could even utter a word I felt Ross go so utterly still beside me and instantly glanced back up to follow the direction of his gaze. He’d spotted it.

The world seemed to fall out from under me then, whether it was down to the realisation that he now knew too, or the fact that Ross had let go of me to grab at the stick on the sink, I didn’t know, but it was spinning and I only felt myself settle once more when Ross’s eyes finally locked on mine again.

“Ross?” I tried, attempting to gauge his reaction through a watery gaze.

He opened his mouth to speak but then quickly shut it again, glancing back down at the pregnancy test he held. Never had I ever in my life seen Ross speechless. But of course, I’d been the one to manage it.

“Ross, come on.” I gulped down a stutter, shifting on the edge of the bath as my entire body buzzed with nerves. “Say something. I need you to at least say something.”

He inhaled a large breath, big enough that it echoed off the tiles around us, before he finally looked back at me and said, “I’m not touching any of your piss right?”

I snorted in disbelief, because of course that’d be the first thing he’d say. “No, you twat, I put the lid back on.”

Ross sighed as though it was a huge relief- and I guess it was, I wouldn’t want to be touching his piss either- but I was relieved when he claimed his seat back beside me. “So, a baby huh?”

I blew out a breath and now that there was not much left to laugh about I felt a more sombre mood fall over us. “Maybe. Could be. I dunno.”

“Those are all the same answer, mate.”

Shooting him a look, Ross held up his hands and laughed lightly.

“I’m just saying, I mean, isn’t that how it works? You take a test and bish bash bosh, baby.”

With a snort I knocked into him lightly and rolled my eyes, “Sure, exactly like that.”

“You know what I mean.” He retorted, mimicking the movement before he glanced back down at the test he had yet to let go of. “Or you could take another? Just to be sure?”

I tongued at the inside of my cheek, thinking it over. I almost didn’t want to, one pregnancy test could be a fluke, but two? Even three? I’d have a fucking world class breakdown, move over Matty cause I’d definitely be taking the place as the groups most unhinged, or maybe I already was. Probably. We’d have to have a debate the next time I remembered. We liked those.

“Come on, Carls won’t mind and look,” Ross pushed, standing up and turning away from me, “I’ll even turn around so I don’t see.”

With a chuckle, I couldn’t bring myself to say no. Doing this once on my own had been hard enough, if I had to try again I don’t know what I’d do. “Alright.” I whispered and took another test from the box.

“You need me to hum or something?” Ross asked after a moment of shuffling from me. I turned the tap back on to try and cover up the sound, because I’d always been an awkward sort of pee-er. Was that even a word? But still struggled.

“Maybe. Or try the shower.”

“What like turning it on?” I could hear the frown in his voice.

“No, get in it, dickhead. Yes, I meant turn it on!”

“Fucking hell.” He muttered under his breath as he moved to do so, “Hope the baby doesn’t get your patience.”

I tossed the empty box at his back, “Don’t say that!”

The fucking prick laughed.

“Alright, alright! Go on. I can’t hear anything now.”

Thankfully, that big bottle Carly had given me as well as the one I’d been nursing in the car and then outside came into clutch then and I managed to go again.

I flushed and washed my hands, drying them off on the hand towel before telling Ross he could turn back around.

“How long do we wait then?” He questioned from over my shoulder, making me jump.

Stilling my racing heart, I let out a breath. “Two minutes or so.”

Ross hummed from behind me then moved to the side to wrap me up in his arms again, it was nice having someone there this time around, like finding shelter in a rainstorm. 

And so we waited. The seconds felt eternal and the minutes passed excruciatingly slow, but eventually, eventually, we had to look.

I bit my lip. “I can’t do it.”

“Why not?”

“Why the fuck not, he asks! I’m fucking terrified, Ross. I can’t be a mum! I hardly even a person, let alone an actual adult!” I stressed, breathing heavier now that even I noticed it, but Ross only pulled me closer and looked down at me.

“You’re incredible. You hear me? You’ve looked after us lot for years, so I know you’ll fucking ace this shit without even having to try. You’re brilliant, B. Everyone who’s ever met you can tell you as much. If you’re pregnant, then you’ll deal with it like you do everything. But you won’t be doing it alone. You’ve got us. You’ve got a family. And most of all, you’ve got G. He’d do anything for you. A baby will only solidify that. Do you really think he’d leave you high and dry?” He must’ve seen the look that crossed my face when he said that because he blinked, “You do, don’t you?”

“It’s not- I’m-” I stuttered, unable to really defend myself against that statement because a small part of me was scared of exactly that. “I love him, Ross. I do. I just-”

“You’re scared it’ll be like before.” He finished for me and all I could do was nod and he squeezed me a little tighter, “Well, I know that he won’t. Wouldn’t fucking survive it, the idiot. Last time was a fluke. And as much as he hurt you, you know it was his fault for not dealing with his shit, not yours. Never yours. Yeah?”

I nodded again against his chest.

“G won’t leave though, that I can promise you. But, and this is a BIG but, if he did, you’d have me, and you’d have Matty, and Hann and Carly. Denise and Delia and everyone else. You wouldn’t be alone. Never, ever will you be alone, B.”

My eyes were stinging again, “But what if I’m not good enough either? What if I leave? What if I’m exactly like her?”

Her.

And immediately Ross knew just who I was talking about.

“You’re nothing like your mum, love. No where near. Of that I can fucking assure you. You love with everything you’ve got. Like a light house in a stormy sea, you. Lure just about everyone in with your warmth and charm.” He pressed his chin to the top of my head, rocking us again. “What I would give to let you see yourself through my eyes. I swear. And that baby, or any future baby you have, will be the luckiest kid around to be able to call you their mum. Alright?”

Fucking Ross MacDonald. 

“Do you enjoy making me cry?” I asked him through a wet chuckle, squinting up at him now with tear stained cheeks. I gave a sigh when he reached up to wipe them away.

“Only happy tears, yeah? Fucking seeing you cry because of anything else makes me feel like I’ve just been hit by a bus.”

Scoffing out a laugh I couldn’t help, I shook my head at him. “Love you. I know we don’t say that much but I don’t know what I’d do if you weren’t here.”

He grinned down at me, “Probably sob in the bath, or maybe make an escape out through the window?”

“Maybe.” I smiled.

“You ready yet?”

I chewed on my lip for a hesitant moment then dipped my head, Ross released me and instead took my hand. We both seemed to simultaneously take a deep breath, glancing at one another and then the sink.

“Together?”

“Together.”

He reached for it and I had to keep myself from squeezing my eyes tightly shut, stomach tightening with the butterflies that crowded my insides.

We looked down at the same time before glancing back towards each other.

Ross broke the silence, “Dibs on being godfather.”

— GEORGE’S POV—

September brought the cold. It was more prominent this year though it seemed, barely out of August and already he was in a hat and coat. Still, he’d left knowing he’d be out for quite a while and didn’t want to catch something from freezing his arse off, especially with Birdie being in and out of hospital. She was more susceptible to infection at the minute, since having had her spleen removed after the accident it had been something she’d often struggled with. They’d had a meningitis scare not too long back, big enough to warrant a couple weeks off work but not life threatening. To her at least, George on the other hand had had his balls pulled out through his arse, or that’s what it’d felt like being so constantly on edge. Everything turned out okay in the end though, more than even. Because it was then that he’d learnt about the tiny Baby Daniel she’d been housing.

And what a fucking thought that was. A baby. An entire other person. Both his and hers to keep. Though he only hoped that they got more of her than him.

It had been quite the revelation, watching on as a swarm of nurses wheeled his wife off on a gurney after having just told him the baby was doing fine. Even now it had a way of rendering him utterly speechless.

It was all he’d been able to think about ever since. Will the baby like the colour blue? Will they be a boy, or a girl? Will they have his eyes or hers, her smile or his? He prayed to whatever God that was out there that they only got her nose. Birdie thought his suited him, but he’d keep on wishing any way.

There’d also been the questions that shone a bright sodding stage-light on all of his insecurities. Illuminated them like the Blackpool Tower for every fucker else to see. Matty’d been the first to clock on though, or the first to come and speak to him about it, it’d done him a world of wonder to get it off his chest and have that reassurance, but even now it continued to make him nervous, had him wondering whether or not he’d ever be good enough, if he deserved to have something so precious of his own. But then he’d always struggled with that, hadn’t he, and he was still learning. Adapting, in a sense. These things took time.

He continued to think about it though, about everything which surrounded the baby, as he wandered through a field of dew covered grass, being respectful enough of the aging stone graves that dotted the cemetery as he went. The one he was looking for was further in the back, settled in a plot next to a few others with the same surname.

George took the time to think and settle his nervous thoughts as he made his way on over, revising the map on his phone every few minutes. It was a rather large cemetery, with oversized oak trees and moss that clung to ancient tombs and mausoleums, so it took him a while to finally find it but when he did the nerves he’d been feeling and the anxiety he’d expected failed to hinder him. In fact, he hardly felt anything at all and moved towards the three graves without much thought.

They each bared the same headstone, only difference was that one was much newer than the remaining two. They all had their own inscriptions but it had been a little while since he’d last visited and so he took the time to allow his eyes to wander over the cursive.

‘No Man Is Indispensable But Some Are Irreplaceable.’

‘Too well loved to ever be forgotten, here lies a loving Father, a Husband and a Son.'

And finally, 

‘A woman made of strength and love lies here, today she dances with angels.’

“Heya, Nana.” George greeted in a low murmur, eyes already a little wet as he drew closer to the end plot, “It’s been a while but I’ve brought you your favourites, peonies from Birdie’s shop, blue just like your eyes. She wrapped them up real nice too, but when does she ever not?” George gave a light chuckle at that, placing down the backpack he held and moving around the grave to clear it of any fallen debris, replacing the old flowers with the new.

He rubbed at his nose and stuffed his hands into his coat pockets before taking a seat by her headstone, gaze lingering on the words Birdie had chosen alongside Dee all those years ago now. Dancing with angels, he grinned at the very thought, and dealing with the Devil, he added. Nana had always been one to try her luck, just as wonderfully wild as her granddaughter, and George reckoned she’d probably bested the hellish bastard by now, overthrown him and all.

“Lot’s changed, you know.” He told the woman, “Dee’s met some fella, handsome bloke mind, but they’ve taken her taxi and decided to travel across Europe in it. In Germany now, though I wouldn’t be surprised if they phoned us up tomorrow claiming to be in Egypt. But you know her, she’s a free spirit. Should be back by February though, that’s just before the baby’s due. Yeah, not hers though- could you imagine?” 

George couldn’t help the cackle that escaped him at that and was immensely grateful for the fact that no-one else seemed to be wandering around anywhere close. “Sorry, sorry, but yeah. No it’s Birdie. She’s nearing fourteen weeks now. Can you picture it? Us two with a little one. My dad can’t wait, neither can the lads. Reckon you’d be dancing about too if you were still here, telling everyone to quit their fussing then make B a brew just how she likes.”

He let a quiet settle, smiling softly as the morning breeze flittered past.

“I know she misses you. Kills her to not have you here to see it all. But,” He took a moment, “I understand why, never met anyone quite like you, doubt I ever will. You took me in without a care for the consequences. Let me stay with you each summer, listened to me moan on about the band and music, came to our first few London gigs.” He cracked a smile at the reminder, “Can still picture those shirts you and Dee made, reckon B has them stashed away somewhere. Have to ask. But as much as I’d love to stay and chat all day, I promised myself I’d say hi to Charlie over there and stop by to talk to her Dad for a bit.”

George was careful as he stood back up, laying a hand over Nana’s name before wiping off the damp grass which clung to his jeans and stepping away. 

He only had to walk a few short steps before he was grinning at the grave sat beside Nana’s, he made quick work of pulling out a bottle of Scotch from his bag as well as a shot glass, then placed them both down on the cold marble. Just as he did each time they visited, he poured the man a hearty glass and spoke to him about his favourite football team. “Hiya, Charlie. West Ham’s fourth on the league table at the minute, mate. Doing alright this year, but Cities still in first so, guess they’ll have to try just a bit harder.”

With a light laugh, George patted the man’s headstone before finally wandering over to the next, to where Birdie’s father lay, the man she idolised most.

He took a deep breath feeling a little fearful suddenly, but not of the situation, rather of disappointing the man. Of this whole thing going tits up. But this was something he’d wanted. Felt he needed to do. So he let go of the air inside his lungs and, just as he did by Nana, he took a seat by the man’s grave. 

“We’ve never spoken much, you and I.” He begun, voice quieter now than it had just been, “But I know B visits when she can. I brought you a bird actually, little statue thing with these stones embedded in its eyes, B reckons they’ll bring peace, but I think you’ve already found that now. Still, it reminds me of her, a Song Thrush, they’re pretty and sing like a poet.”

Leaning in closer, George took time placing the statue where he thought it would last the longest and smiled softly before going back to his bag to pull out a colourful wind spinner, he stuck in the damp soil near his leg before he spoke again. 

“Dee also likes to talk about you, says you had a thing for wind chimes and these things. Can see the appeal, they’re nice to watch, let you know which way the wind’ll blow. Said you also would’ve liked me too, and I can only hope she’s right.” He laughed quietly to himself, thumbing the ring on his left hand. “Be a bit messy if you didn’t though, ‘cause I love her more than anything. Do anything she asks, go anywhere she pleases. She’s like my own little wind spinner in a sense, can never tell which way I’m going with her but I know we’ll never stop spinning.

“I know I should’ve made this trip a long while ago. Maybe after we got back, maybe even before that. I have no excuse except for the fact that I’ve been a bit scared to ask this of you, because I know I’ll never really hear your honest answer. I can only pray that you’d be happy for her.”

It had been something he’s wanted to do since he was a teenager, ever since that first trip down to London, but after all these years of having clung to the man’s lighter he felt like he sort of knew him in a way. Knew that the dent in its side was from the way he used to knock his hip off of the radiator back in Nana’s house when climbing the stairs. Saw the way the striker wheel had been changed a long while back, different to the original but very very close. And how the hinge had been struck a few times to keep the lid from going floppy. He cared a great deal for the things he owned and it showed how much he loved the gifts he’d been given, seeing as though he had gotten it from his own father before Birdie had ever been born.

It was a strange concept, but it brought George a little peace.

“I don’t know if you heard, I know that Nana tends to gossip, but you’ll be a grandfather soon.” George told him with a wide smile as he pulled to his wallet to look down at the first Ultrasound picture they’d been given. “They’re a lot bigger now. This was when I first found out though. That daughter of yours had known for a week or two by that point. But I was over the moon and also terrified, so I can see how she kept it under wraps for so long. We’ve got a few names going in the raffle, our friends all want to have the honour of naming them, but B and I are waiting for the perfect one.”

George let his thumb brush over the picture before he sat it up and open on the grave, leaving it there until he had to go.

“I’ve known Birdie for so long now, she doesn’t know it but since the day I laid eyes on her she’s all I’ve ever wanted. And I would’ve taken anything she’d have given me. Whether that’d been a passing look or a chance at just being her mate. So when were younger and finally together, I thought I’d won the lottery. And I had. But then we got to speaking about marriage. What we wanted in the future, if kids would ever come into the picture, what house we’d buy. Just things you speak about with someone like that. Yeah, we’d been young but we’d both been through a lot. We knew more than most. Had experienced it.

“But anyway, when she’d said she never wanted any of that. Couldn’t see it for herself, and I understood. Broke my fucking heart a bit, but I’d’ve given her the stars if I could’ve. Even now. So it’s funny how it all changed. We’re married and there’s that baby on the way. Though, now that we’ve done it, now that we’ve acknowledged the fact that this thing we were both a little wary of is something we can have without the fear and terror, I want to do it properly, you know? So I thought it was only respectful to come and ask you first.”

And there was that nervousness finally, but it was out in the open now. Perhaps it was silly asking a man long since buried this question but it just felt right. 

“I don’t think we’ll have big ceremony or anything even if she does say yes, we’re not the type. But at least then we can say we did it right, and as much as I now love that little elopement of ours, I really want her to know how much I love her. That I will forever be hers. In both heart and mind. And that I’m proud to bare this ring.” 

George swallowed thickly at the onslaught of emotions this trip had pulled from him, then wiped under his nose. He picked up his wallet and folded it away then took his stand, running a hand through his hair as he tried to get ahold of himself, didn’t want to start sobbing his way back to the carpark now. Though it was a near thing. 

“Right, I’d best be off anyway. Said I’d pick B up some strawberries from the market, she’ll only eat them at the minute, pairs them with this horrid jam as well. It’s proper grim but I’d never say a bad thing about it. Spent ages consoling her the one time Matty did. But he’s a nightmare that never learns.” He scratched at the nape of his neck after having shouldered his bag, feeling the effects of this outing already. “I’ll make sure to visit soon, with Birdie and then the baby too hopefully.”

He glanced down at the wind spinner then and was surprised to see it had stopped spinning, he frowned slightly at the sight and double checked to see if he could still feel the breeze, he did, it was hard not to in truth. So slowly he made his way back over and just as he begun to crouch down the thing started spinning once more.

George blinked down at it, once then twice, and then simply laughed. Hoping that maybe it’d been some sort of sign.

“I’ll look after her.” He promised, sparing one last glance to the final grave before he made his way back to the car.

—

The moving van reached the house long before I did, but I was just thankful that George had been able to take the time off to get there earlier than me. I parked up in a bay and waddled down the pavement to peer into the back of it, smiling when I found that almost half of it had already been moved inside. Which was good for me, seeing as though I’d hardly be of any help, pregnant or not.

“B!” I heard someone shout out and turned to find Matty stood on the top step of the familiar terraced house, he waved me closer but jogged down the steps to greet me once I’d made it over, “Figured you get here a little later, G and I are just setting up the living room.” 

“Really?” I questioned in surprise, grateful when he took my arm to help me up the stairs and into the house. I grinned at the familiar feeling that washed over me upon walking in.

“Really.” Matty laughed, taking my coat and hanging it amongst the rest by the door. The little gentleman. If I’d only known that it’d just take me turning into a whale to get Matty to wait on me hand and foot I’d’ve done it sooner. Not even G was as bad as him. “Your Nana had good taste though, so I can see why you and George don’t wanna change much.”

I grinned, glad that he saw it too. We’d been gifted the house in Bethnal Green by Dee after the reading of Nana’s will, she wanted us to have a proper home for the little one and figured it would be the best place for us. And my God was it. It was everything I’d dreamed of and more. It filled me with so much happiness to know that my child would be growing up in the environment I loved most when I’d been little.

“Where is he, anyway?” I asked, leaning against the bannister to peer up the main stairs and at the landing, we’d had some builders in to change a few things since the house had been signed over and I hadn’t yet seen it all fully finished. 

“Who, G?” Matty said and at my nod he went on, “Left him in the living room, we were trying to put together a cabinet, probably still in there.”

We both chuckled and wandered in through the side door to find George sat on the living room floor just behind the sofa looking very close to fuming. “Fuck sake, Matty! When you said a minute, I thought you were joking! Whole fucking thing collapsed on me the second you left, you prick!”

“Oi, no swearing around the baby, please.” Matty scolded, though he looked all too pleased with himself, and I watched on as George angled his head further backwards to see me stood in the doorway. I waved. 

“Birdie! Thank fuck someone capable has arrived. Be a love and help me up, would you?”

I laughed and moved to do just that before Matty’s indignant squark stopped me in my tracks, “I don’t think so, mate. Get yourself up. I’ll take B into the kitchen, get you some tea, yeah? Were you at the shop long?”

I bit my lip to keep from cackling at the expression that overwhelmed G’s face then but was already being dragged away.

“I can still do shit you know.” I said to Matty before being steered onto a barstool, I let him get away with it though, observing how effortlessly he worked his way around the kitchen, switching on the kettle and pulling out the milk from the massive fridge George had insisted on buying. 

“Language.” Matty reminded me and I could only roll my eyes, “And I know, you just shouldn’t have to.”

“That so?” I hummed around a smile.

Matty nodded, pulling the few glasses we’d brought over for visits during construction onto the counter, “Look, the way I see it, the baby’s not here yet so if you want, I don’t mind offing G and telling everyone the kid’s mine. I mean, you saw him in there,” He shook his head all serious like, “It ain’t on, B. Got to cut your loses while you still can.”

“Sorry, what was that?” I sorted at George’s sudden arrival, wondering how this would all go down and decided to stir the pot a bit.

“Matty reckons I’d be better off making a run for it while I still can, already got a car ready and waiting for when I say the word.”

George shook his head in veiled amusement and stepped further into the kitchen to swipe a tea towel against Matty’s backside. “Keep talking like that and I’ll see to it that you never meet my baby, you dick.”

“Swearing!” Matty once again reminded the pair of us and I couldn’t help my incessant giggling now, eyes darting back and forth between the pair, “And I dare you to try, George Daniel. I have rights!”

“What rights!”

“Godfatherly rights!”

“Fuck off, Ross claimed that already.”

“Swearing! And I don’t care you can have more than one godfather!”

“No, we’ve discussed this already.”

“No we have not.”

“Yes, we have.”

“No, we have not.”

“Matty.”

“George!”

George groaned dramatically and decidedly tossed the tea towel he still had in hand at Matty’s head, the curly haired singer grunted before throwing it right back at him, then turning to me.

“B, tell him.” He was all but whining now. 

“George, Matty can be whatever he likes.”

Matty practically beamed upon hearing that whilst G just scowled, “Over my dead body.”

“That’s fine. I can make do.”

George rolled his eyes at the blatant threat, but threw himself into the chair beside me to press his forehead against the counter instead of replying. I ran a hand through his hair.

“It’s okay, babe. He’ll give up once he realises it’ll mostly just be shitty nappies and crying until they’re old enough to walk.” I reassured but Matty didn’t think much of it.

“I fucking won’t.”

George shot straight back up at that with a grin as big as Matty’s ego on his face and I already knew what he was going to say.

“Language, Matthew! And in front of your godchild too, shame.”

Although Matty looked shocked to have let the curse accident slip, his whole demeanour changed when he truly internalised George’s words. “Wait, actually?”

George laughed, glancing at me before slinging an arm around my waist, “We decided on it a while ago, mate. Baby Daniel will have the typical four godparents, only thing is you, Hann and Ross will have to decide between yourselves on who’s the second godmother.”

I rolled my eyes at that, but still found myself unable to stop grinning. The baby was set to have three godfathers at this point and then Carly, who we’d already asked, as a godmother. It was a lucky little thing and had yet to even be born.

“I don’t even care. I’ll throw on a pair of tits and a wig if it gets me an in.”

George barked a loud laugh at his best mate’s reply and I could only chuckle alongside him as Matty handed me over my tea, grateful to have them both, as well as the rest of my family. It wasn’t long now either before the baby would soon come along too, another thing I’d forever be grateful for.

And to think, I barely resembled the girl I’d once been, it was strange to see all that I’d been given.

I wouldn’t waste it.

[jjunieworld]

hi everyone!! i just want to give a little more insight into the salt under the sea and it’s progress thus far. a lot of people have been asking me when it’s coming out or why hasn’t it come out yet and i want to inform everyone.

(putting explanation under the cut because it is kinda long!) trigger warning: death, mental health issues and general health issues, and depression

if you haven’t noticed, for the past couple months there would be times where i was very inactive, like up to a month of inactivity here and there. i even took a month long hiatus. to put it bluntly, the hiatus was because my beloved dog had died and it really hurt me deeply. i literally grew up with my dog and so did my family, so to see my dog’s life come to an end made me really depressed and honestly i wasn’t even thinking about writing at all.

after a little over a month i came back and i thought i was ready to start writing again but then i just got hit by a bunch of health issues back to back (hence all the doctor’s appointments i’ve mentioned). it’s all been really exhausting honestly and just pushed me deeper into a dark place that i’ve been trying to get out of for a while now. let’s not even talk about how fucked my adhd is right now😭

things have settled down now (hopefully!!!!), and i’ve been trying to get my motivation for writing back. things are still slow as i get back into the groove and i’ve been trying to not push myself to hard so i don’t get burnt out and i don’t get writer’s block.

so yeah😭…. to anyone wondering that’s why the salt under the sea has taken so long to come out, and why it still isn’t out yet. please be patient with me… i really am trying, i promise. and please remember that i am human and i am one person and i’m not just a writing machine for random stranger on tumblr’s enjoyment. i’ve been writing as much as i can when i can, but i’ve been busy and preoccupied these past couple months.

honestly… not sure if anyone is still hyped for the salt under the sea, but when i finish it i’m gonna post it anyways because i didn’t go through all of this for nothing LMAOO… i feel like majority of the hype for it has died down severely since it’s been like almost three months😭😭

if anyone has read this far i just want to say thank you for reading and understanding!! ♡♡ i’m really hoping that i’m able to write more and write more quickly for you guys… the wip page for the salt under the sea will be updated with a release date once i’m close to finishing it, so if anybody is still tuned it… stay tuned for that lmao…😭

i’ll be getting back to the salt under the sea tomorrow!!! my throat and back has just been killing me today…

[skidzobrainia]

You know, I’ve heard a lot of conversation about how Turbo fast has a lot of interesting plot lines that never went anywhere, and mysteries that could be really interesting that are seemingly ignored in favor of adding more comedic episodes, but… (press read more, this is a long one!)

there seemed to be a sort of change in direction when it comes to what the show was supposed to be about, really. Or that it wasn’t really supposed to be a show about facing villains and uncovering those mysteries entirely, and the show simply wasn’t given enough time to get ready and solve those problems they vaguely hinted to in some of the more “action packed” episodes.

There’s a pretty cool interview with Chris P. that gives insight into the production of Turbo fast, where he says things about the mindset on creating the show that changed how I personally felt about it, even though I’d already watched it ~15 times in the past 11 years and felt the same each time…

The show had always been created with the goal of fleshing out the cast, particularly the rest of the crew that were left to the sidelines as purely comedy, or used as a means to develop Turbo and Chet’s story and the plot of the movie as a whole. However there was a slight change in pace during development,

I really think the best example of the change happens as early as the first episode, actually.

Crazy Fast has always been a spectacular episode of this show, that I’ve seen almost universal enjoyment of across fans whether or not they like the direction the show went in, or whether or not they even like turbo fast in the first and just prefer the movie…

It’s also one of the strangest episodes in the series when compared to tone of the rest of them.

CF could be described as a more action-comedy focused episode, but there are actually plenty of those in the series (Turbo Drift is a particularly well received example in this case, which I and others agree is an episode that reaches similar quality of CF, which is certainly helped by its similar 22 minute runtime as opposed to being a segmented 11 min double episode like the rest of the series.) Yet, not many actually keep the same “vibes” even so.

I believe the difference between even the more action focused episodes and ESPECIALLY the comedic focused episodes and how they changed fan’s enjoyment and the quality of the writing (especially for the characters) can be best observed through Turbo, who can be argued to be the main protagonist of the series, and franchise as a whole.

If you’ve read this far i’d be really hopefully that you’ve at least watched the movie Turbo, and at least seasons 1 and 2 of Turbo Fast. (I’d be really surprised if you haven’t actually. Why are you here?)

While this is a post about the show, It’s kind of impossible to talk about Turbo’s character without briefly explaining his personality in the movie and how it transferred, changed and evolved going into the show.

In the movie, Turbo is an incredibly stubborn yet optimistic sort of guy. Quite literally doing things that could most definitely end in his death (see: lawnmower scene) just because he holds the genuine belief and hope that he can do it.

He is also sarcastic, rude even the slightest bit egotistical at times, a notable example being him laughing at Whiplash and the rest of the crew (which, at that point he was not yet a part of) because he believes himself to be somewhat better than them because they’re slow… only to be immediately humbled lol.

During Crazy Fast (which, I’ll from now on refer to as CF) , he retains these traits, just shows them in different ways!

Ironically, he also gets pretty humbled in this episode, like, multiple times, as he learns that his way isn’t really always the best way. We see another example of how despite his optimism (and, in a negative sense, his stubbornness) being one of his defining traits, it isn’t always impenetrable. His belief that he can overcome everything becomes a negative thing as he accepts Hardcase’s challenge without really any other choice, which puts everyone in danger.

A new trait that I personally did not see very much, if at all in the movie is that Turbo is also incredibly naive in this show. partially due to his default mode of thinking everything is gonna go as planned, and brazen (sometimes egotistical) belief that He’s Got This, (he doesn’t got it, fyi) and the fact that he is incredibly inexperienced as a racer.

His naivety is a very good example of taking traits that Turbo already possessed and amplifying them both to flesh out his character by highlighting parts about him the movie didn’t introduce itself, and to create more opportunities for comedic situations!

However during later seasons, particularly late season 2 and all of season 3, the shift in focus on writing for the show drastically changed how turbo’s traits were expressed…

Sure, it was definitely funny. But even when I was the age of 7 years old watching this show instead of my pathetically elderly 17, I could notice that it wasn’t really the Turbo I loved seeing on the screen.

he seemed… kind of stupid!

His optimism was still there, but he became so optimistic and naive that he lacked skepticism even when faced with obvious opposition, things he consistently took as a trigger to shift his opinion or even get mad at, seem nonexistent for the sake of moving the plot along. It drastically changes him to create room for stories that yes, while funny, lose any comedic value they might have had because it shouldn’t even be happening to happen in the first place, or at least not in the way it’s played out, because he just wouldn’t respond to the situation that way.

That isn’t always a bad thing, however! Sometimes characters have to do things they wouldn’t normally do. That’s kind of the entire point of creating new scenarios and episodes. If none of those things happened then it would kind of be an incredibly boring show, not funny or good at all.

It’s the way that the characters react under these situations that sort of make or break it, whether you’re trying to make the audience laugh, or any other emotion you aim to convey through your episodes.

While still flawed, a well executed example of pushing Turbo’s traits in a situation he wouldn’t normally allow is Adopt-A-Toad, which is an episode in the middle of season 1.

An awfully executed example is The Snailman, which embodies a lot of Turbo being uncharacteristically stupid… There are a lot more cases similar to The Snailman in this show rather than Adopt-A-Toad, unfortunately.

I’ve asked around in a Turbo fandom discord server people’s opinions about the show and gained a few common opinions about these changes, especially in character personalities and general “flanderisation.”

For starters, most people (including me) don’t actually have a problem with the fact that the show isn’t always racing or story focused. The characters and their shenanigans they get up to are what people watch the show for, and that interest aligns pretty well with the goal of production and the creation of the show in general. The purpose has always been to flesh out the characters and world these little snails would live in.

What people do have a problem with is how the characters almost entirely change from how they were established both in the movie and in the beginnings of the show in ways that do not make sense in order to be “funny.” When oftentimes, it doesn’t really work too much in later episodes, as it’s so extreme.

Common complaints on that front are about Turbo, Skidmark, and Burn, who most people agree are the worst victims of flanderisation throughout the series. (An honorable mention is Whiplash, and I’d personally add on Chet and Hardcase as well, although Hardcase less so as he is the only one of these picks who originates from the show and not the movie.)

Some claim and have problems with the fact that, despite the show’s focused on fleshing out characters, they didn’t actually get fleshed out all too much?! Some were given backstories or information about themself that either never went anywhere or were very, very one off jokes. Most complain about Whiplash and his mysterious past mentor, Breakneck which we never learned too much about, and the fact that some members of the crew weren’t really given as much care as he was, and his was never resolved…

Personally I don’t actually have a problem with the whole Breakneck incident and never finding out what it is. To me, it seems like the purpose of it was to serve as a “hint,” a real thing that happened, while also being a joke. And it succeeded! Whiplash and Breakneck’s past and current dynamic is still treated seriously, and the joke probably would’ve been ruined had they actually said or shown what the incident was, but I can also agree with the fact that it would be pretty awesome to learn what happened.

One thing I undeniably agree with is that the rest of the crew, including Turbo and Chet who we know the most about, do have incredibly missed potential when it comes to their own stories. Like previously mentioned, many are relegated to jokes (I.e. Skidmark, whom of which has a few jokes referencing his family that range from really, really funny to nobody likes this episode and never comes back to rewatch it, so 99% of people don’t even remember that Skidmark said that, and also Why the hell does he hate his dad so much??)

Smoove is probably one of the best characters when it comes to “giving them things other than being in the crew,” what with his little brother and everything to do with that, which I won’t be getting too much into because I want to make a post about Buster EVENTUALLY…

People are also pretty sad about the fact that certain villains never really get to return, particularly F.A.J.I.T.A, who I am also incredibly bummed about never getting any more screen time despite them being so, so interesting… but I suspect that it has less to do with the way the show changed and more we just didn’t get enough runtime to actually go about them again.

Regardless of the direction F.A.S.T. went, and all its shortcomings, it’s still a show that really changed my life. I made this post because I cannot stfu about racing snails…. Maybe there’s an alternate universe out there where all of our problems were addressed…

Also. Yes, I am aware this show is for 14 year olds.. but like, I noticed all of this while watching when I was 9. If 9 year old me had the mind to I am sure he would also be making long ass tumblr posts about it.

Thanks 4 readinggg

[goodsirs]

@ ur tags on that excellent gifset: i got into this show for joe keery and i have every gator-related tag blacklisted because the tiktok thirst girlies are so tiring fhdvdgs. anyway if you have thoughts/theories on munch i cant stop thinking about him and wondering what the hell his deal is

hey! yeah, i really like joe and think he's doing a great job in the show, but i've also found the tags a bit overwhelming due to the influx of his fans, especially as a more longtime fargo enjoyer. i tentatively tagged gator at first on those sets and was met with just. way too many people only reblogging for him and ignoring munch, so i untagged to try and avoid some of that and added that comment as a disclaimer so ppl wouldn't think i was intentionally ignoring him/trying to be a hater lol

as for my thoughts on munch...

if you’re new to fargo, there’s always one weird supernatural element to every season (a character implied to be the devil himself in s1, ufos in s2, purgatory in s3, a family curse involving ghosts in s4), and munch is definitely that element this season. i feel like the show itself leaves it up to interpretation whether or not the audience chooses to believe munch is actually the same person/a reincarnation of the 16th century sin eater, but sam spruell takes it pretty literally and a lot of my thoughts about munch are mostly just based around what he’s said about the character. regardless of what you prefer to believe about his identity, munch is meant to represent the underclass and how they are forced to suffer because of/bear the weight of the sins of people in power, like roy

he’s presumably lived his entire life trapped in a cycle of poverty and crime, and a desire for some kind of reprieve from all of his suffering is what's led him to the old woman, irma, who sam’s described as someone who’s also experienced significant hardship and abuse throughout her life (really great insight from sam and noah hawley about that and munch in general in this article!). he said munch started staying there with the hope that the two could look after each other, but based on the next episode trailer and other big spoilers that have been shared online, that dream’s about to come crashing down big time. 😬 hopefully irma makes it out okay, but at least one minor (as of yet unintroduced) character’s dying at her house next ep and i think it’ll likely end with munch capturing gator and being the one who’s leading him around on that rope, as seen in the trailers. dot’s also heading to the tillman’s, so it’s possible their storylines will finally converge again soon

a mutual and i were just chatting about this the other day, but i would definitely love if he ends up teaming up with dot and potentially goes out with some sort of sense of peace or absolution by helping take down the tillmans. he seems really reverent whenever he refers to her as a tiger and, given the season’s theme of debt and munch’s code about honoring debt, i wouldn’t be surprised if he considers himself somewhat indebted to her for choosing to spare his life when she could have killed him at the gas station, especially with how much they lingered on her standing over him in that scene

alternatively, assuming he gets no peace/absolution, i’d also like if they at least kept the mystery around his character alive with a more ambiguous death? the show itself treats him as some sort of strange specter, implying he’s immortal with the flashback and having witt joke that the gas station cameras couldn’t have captured munch even if they had been working because he’s like a ghost. so, maybe something like him appearing to die, but upon returning to the scene later his body is missing without explanation, similar to the gas station scene, continuing to leave his true nature and his ending up to the audience’s interpretation (obvs would also love it if he vanished without being mortally wounded at all too)

that’s what I would LIKE, anyway, but you never know with fargo! my favorite character last season got sucked up into a tornado lol. there are no shots of munch in the trailers beyond the next ep, and it’s always possible he could die sooner than expected or in a much more villainous or anticlimactic way than i’m imagining! either way, he's already climbed his way to the very top of my list of fargo faves

[tjemegames]

HSR: 2.4.1 AS, 2.4.1 PF, & 2.4.2 MoC Recaps

Another patch has come and gone which means it is once again time for me, your resident yapper, to talk about my endgame experience.

As previously mentioned in my last EGC recap post, the format for these has changed; I’ll be walking you through my thoughts and feelings for the last cycle of all three modes in this post. The sections were drafted out on the days that I completed the challenges (unlike past recaps), so you’re getting a better insight this time around.

I’ve also started filming my clears for the highest level of each mode because it seemed like a fun thing to include: the videos are meant to be a visual representation of my struggles/triumphs within the hardest parts of endgame. These videos are not guides; they’re just the raw footage of my completion runs, and solely intended for the enjoyment of anyone who might be interested in that type of thing. The videos are hosted on my YouTube so I’ll embed all three of them here (the section headings will also lead to them just in case something glitches out) for quick access.

As always, apologies for the image distortion: long photos and Tumblr do not mix well.

Alright, with all that out of the way, the yapping begins under the cut!

2.4.1 Apocalyptic Shadow

Dominated Evils was a very fitting name for this cycle of AS. Overall, it wasn’t very difficult to complete; I got my twelve stars within a total of three challenge waves!

I probably could’ve finished with two waves, but I decided to try the follow-up buff; relying on Aventurine was not the way to go here, I should've changed to the basic atk + additional dmg to weakness broken enemies buff. I won’t lie to you, DHIL dying (I wasn’t paying attention to my shield duration) and Hanya being slower than Tingyun during my initial attempt were also large factors in needing to reset. Once my relics were adjusted accordingly, I was able to put in a decent attempt.

Aventurine was very helpful for resisting Kafka’s domination and avoiding being frozen by the elites. I'm glad that the eff res buff from his shields worked in my favor on this side; if DHIL had gotten cc’d it would've set me back even more than I already was with the bad plays I was making. I should've reset when I messed up my rotation at 1655 AV, but I was being stubborn, so it is what it is.

Here are the builds I used for IV-I:

The Doomsday Beast felt much easier to deal with. Not sure if it’s because the team was better or simply because I was able to dispel any cc that happened with Gallager. The ease could also have been attributed to the fact that I didn’t have to think about skill points (thanks to Boothill’s e1) and knew exactly how my rotation was going to go regardless of how things played out. At the end of the day, this side carried the overall run and, ultimately, got me 27 points over the score that I needed to get. I could always try again to see if a better score is attainable, but I’ve already gotten the rewards so there’s no incentive left to make that worthwhile.

These are the builds I used for IV-II:

800 jades down, and two more endgame modes left for this cycle. Hopefully we’re in for another queen sweep!

Oh hey, look who’s back. Aha. So, there may not have been any incentive to try for a better score, but that didn't stop me from being motivated into doing so by the DHIL clear one of my discord friends did. Since I'm not usually one for “casual gaming” (which is not causal in the slightest), I only gave myself 12 reset attempts to achieve as high of a score as possible on IV-I:

First three resets: +203 points, bringing me up to 3198

Next three: +97 more points, taking me up to a grand total of 3295 (yippee!)

Last six: absolutely abysmal, I got endlessly cc’d and DHIL/Tingyun got obliterated every other run

Sadly, I couldn’t get to 7K points like I had been hoping, but I’m still pumped to have gotten as close as I did. And, on top of that, taking a second crack at IV-I allowed me to get new (shorter, far less embarrassing) footage of my DHIL clear. Doing so meant that I had to re-edit and re-upload the video for it; that was probably for the better though, nobody needed to watch me poorly battle Kafka for twelve minutes...

Anyway, that’s officially a wrap on AS for this patch!

Um, hey again. When I was reviewing the challenge data for the last set of attempts, I realized that I never changed my chosen buff for the first side (please hold for the internalized screaming at my unintentional self-sabotage.) Naturally, I gave AS one more shot with the correct buff equipped:

First reset: +46 points, bringing me up to 6973

Final reset: +153 points, making a grand total of 7126 (yippee! but with more excitement)

Over 7K points achieved! I'm free, for real this time. Can't believe I let the casual gaming demons get to me for Apocalyptic Shadow of all things. I think it's safe to say that I've sufficiently played though this mode for this patch. I'm interested to see what they do with the next one. My money is currently on having to fight Yanqing. We'll see if I was right about that in the next one of these.

What’s poppin’? It’s been two weeks, and I found myself back in AS because I rolled a great new piece for my resident dragon boy, Mr. Daniel Heng, the cuntiest dragon on the silver rails. I can’t add the build showcase here—I’ll hit my image limit early if I do—but trust me when I say it was a solid upgrade: the head rolled well enough to bump me up by 51 places on the SeeleLand leaderboards. I’m currently ranking in the top 1% of DHIL players (in my area) using the same build—number 26 to be exact! The new ranking motivated another set of runs out of me and I was able to increase my overall AS score by 102 points:

IV-I: Kafka vs e2 DHIL, e2 Hanya, e6 Tingyun, e0s1 Aventurine (3515 points)

IV-II: Doomsday Beast vs e2s1 Boothill, e1s1 Ruan Mei, e1 Bronya, e6 Gallagher (3713 points)

Totaling out for a final grand score of 7228 points with 25 cumulative challenge attempts! Great stuff, a genuinely fun time: Apocalyptic Shadow is quickly working its way towards being my favorite of the endgame modes. Since I’m quite satisfied with how everything played out, that’s a wrap on this section!

I also recorded a Honkai: Support Rail bonus run of IV-I with E4 Dan Heng (4-star) if you’re interested in seeing that!

2.4.1 Pure Fiction

Words of Deceit was [redacted colorful complaining]. I didn't think it was possible for my hatred towards PF to increase, but here we are. I’ll admit that it was partially my fault for being both sleepy and hangry. I’d argue that it was mostly the whimsicality's fault for being rather ineffective overall, felt like sabotage to me. It's fine though, I managed to obtain all twelve stars within ten attempts (yippee!)

Clearing this time around would've been a lot worse without team suggestions from discord—big shoutout and thanks to the folks there for their encouragement and assistance!

So, this PF was the fastest I've ever cleared. It was also the most frustrated I've been whilst playing this mode. Usually, the struggle only applies to stage IV; this time around, stage III was the reason for my infuriation. I sincerely don't know what came over me, but I was malding enough to have to force myself to go back to sleep. I tried four different teams and couldn't hit 60K points: the closest I came was just over 59K and that was with all of my focus and Frankensteining together better builds for every character that I tried to use. It was tragic to say the least. Ultimately, sleep, food, fresh eyes, and the 8th attempt were the saving graces that allowed me to move on to the true challenge, stage IV.

Stage IV took significantly less tries; I only ended up taking two attempts to get the three-star clear! Aside from having to change my buffs and making sure that my speed tuning was right for IV-II, I didn't have to put in all that much effort. Still a bit baffled by that if I'm being honest: I thought I was in for a very tumultuous experience considering how the previous stage had gone. Thankfully, that was not the case, and I can move on from this for the time being.

These are the builds I used for IV-I:

Some of Herta’s stat information is incorrect because she was actually lvl 60 at the time of this run; Fribbels only generates maxed out showcases and I wanted the pictures to match. :)

These are the builds I used for IV-II:

Not the best, not the worst. I got it done and that's really all that matters. Another 800 jades added to the Sparkle funds!

Well, well, well, look how the turn tables. Hello again, it's been a few weeks since wrapping up my clear. I pulled Sparkle, motivating me to go back into PF for some casual gaming (I know, two endgame modes in a row—I've stumbled down a dark path this patch.) This third round of attempts went much worse than I was hoping for. I did manage to get a better clear, so I decided to have that be my representational video instead. It took so many tries that I'm afraid to go look at the updated info on Hoyolab. I think it's better for my overall happiness and sanity if I let that remain a mystery—high score chasing at its finest (I have so many regrets. Why did I do this to myself?)

In the end, I was able to increase my score by 4129 points:

IV-I: Kafka vs e1s1 Ruan Mei, e0 Seele, e0s1 Aventurine, e6 Herta (40000 points)

IV-II: Cocolia vs e1 Bronya, e6 Asta, e6 Gallagher, e6 Serval (27805 points)

I went through a good amount of team lineups, relic swapping, buff changing, and character upgrading to make this happen. Desperate times called for desperate measures, I was so hung up on getting a better clear that I leveled Herta to 80 and 6/10/10/11'd her traces. I had not planned on doing that for at least a couple more patches since her relics are still a bit trash, but it was the most effective option that I had at the time. Doing so made getting to 40K points on IV-I possible, which was most of the point increase, so I'd say it was worth it.

Now, IV-II was painful. I can't explain my thought process here because there wasn't really one to begin with. Serval gaming is fine for what it is. I genuinely do not think that it was possible for me to hit 30K on this side at all. Don't doubt that I tried every sensible double dps comp that I could, because I did, and failed miserably. Swapping Aventurine and Gallagher didn't work; using Sparkle didn't work; hell, even stealing the entirety of Seele's team didn't work! I don't know what else I could've done… and I'm over it, so we're moving on.

At the end of this excursion, I don't have anything good to say about PF. It does not spark joy for me. Hopefully that changes some day; Himeko will save me once she decides to grace me with her presence, she is the vital unit that I am missing to achieve greatness. Until then, I'll just have to ride with it. I'll keep working on my characters and, eventually, clearing will go better for me.

That's a wrap on this section. I'm 1000% burnt out on PF after this whole ordeal. I don't want to think about it anymore.

2.4.2 Memory of Chaos

The Big Sleep was a snoozefest: I got all twelve stars without any resets this time around! And I four-cycled floor XII for the first time! You absolutely love to see it. I can't believe that just nine months ago I couldn't even get through floor VIII without wanting to cry from frustration. Oh, how the times have changed.

Since this challenge flew by with ease, I don’t have much to say about it. I was a big fan of the buff this time around; I love it when the buff is universal and aligns with pretty much anyone I want to play with. I foresee a lot of casual gaming in my future.

With the help of my newest addition, Sparkle, I was able to clear the first half with renewed efficiency. Daniel and Hanya have been separated after nine months of partnership, it feels so good to no longer have to hyperactively think about my skill point usage. I knew that Sparkle was going to be a large upgrade for my DHIL team, but I didn’t think she would shave off four cycles worth of turns (and I haven’t even finished her build yet! Like huh??? She’s great, I’m a big fan.)

Here are the builds I used for XII-I:

The second side faired just about as well as the first. Boothill shredded Aventurine down before he even got the chance to take me into a showdown. As much as I love Aven, I hate his boss form, so it felt incredibly satisfying to enact my revenge on him after struggling so much against him the first time he was introduced into endgame. No more are the days of having to make Jingliu brute force her way through the dice rolls (thank the Aeons!)

These are the builds I used for XII-II:

Another one for the books! Got the final 800 jades for this patch, this time to be added to the Feixiao funds (yes, I’m pulling for her now. You may call me a hypocrite this once. I will be betraying Danny boy by going for a new and improved wind hunt unit. This is a stain on my pride as a four-star Dan stan; unfortunately for him, Feixiao’s hot, clever, strong, one hell of a badass General with dope animations and a back tattoo that fucking glows, brother. What kind of gay would I be if I didn’t at least throw a solid 50 or so pulls in her direction? Have you seen the lesbian kryptonite of a banner lineup that’s coming in 2.5?? It’ll be a miracle if I go into 2.6 with any savings at all!)

Surprise, surprise, the prodigal gamer returns. Did you really think I was going to one and done this mode after casual gaming all patch long? Not much to report aside from going back in with my original teams to try for a cleaner run. My efforts were well worth it, I managed to shave off a cycle from my original clear, netting me with my first ever three-cycle in MoC 12 (yippee!)

The buff this patch is way too good to pass up on doing some other experimentational runs—I'll be doing them in a separate post sometime in the next week or so, be on the lookout!

Whoop whoop! We're officially wrapped on all the endgame modes for 2.4! What a yapfest this was, I cannot believe I prattled on for this long. If you made it all the way here, thanks for sticking with me until the end. I'll catch y'all in about six weeks for the next recap.

[zaldritzosrose]

When I see so many people reading, reblogging, liking my pure angst no happiness fic it gives me a good insight to how we all feel about House of the Dragon right now.

Hopefully what we've had spoiled won't ruin people's enjoyment and we can all simply appreciate amazing actors doing what they can with shit writing choices.

[I love everyone who's read that fic by the way, appreciate you to no end]

All I can say is

And see you on the other side of the finale!

[percahliaweek]

Day 7: Free / Random Prompt

It's really hard to believe that this is already over.

I think I can speak for everyone when I say that I'm in awe of the creativity and passion of this community. As of writing this I can see 80+ fics in our AO3 collection and 40+ incredible pieces of artwork (of which I need to go back and tag more from day 1)! And with more to come - from people completing their WIPs past this date, to fics inspired by art and vici-versa, this blog will continue to be active as needed.

So... now what?

If you're looking for a last-minute prompt for today, we can recommend plenty of ways to get some (random) inspiration! Random page of the Encyclopedia Exandria / Random word generator / OTP prompt generator / AU generator / @ghostofwhitestone 's Spell prompts [roll 2d20?] / Wild Magic Surge table / Life events table

Comment, comment, comment! Gush in the tags of your favorite artwork, leave an essay or a massive keysmash on your favorite fics! Give back a little of the love all these creators have shown, especially the little ones that might be overlooked.

Speaking of: starting tomorrow, we'll be reblogging some pieces again to get more eyes on them!

Given the success of this celebration, we hope to give Perc'ahlia Week another shot next year! It will likely be from Monday the 23rd to Sunday the 29th, with the 29th keeping Yours / Later given it's the anniversary of Passed Through Fire. As for the rest of the prompts... well, it's a bit too early to start planning yet, but I can say there are plenty of excellent ideas for prompts going forward and we hope to make a poll to iron out the final list. Wayyyy down the line (as well as any other preferences for the event going forward: announcement date, anything to make it easier to participate, etc.).

I'd like to give a huge shoutout to all the participants: you've blown us away with your skill and creativity, and I really hope you got as much out of this experience as you put in. Thank you so, so much, you make this fandom a wonderful place to be in.

To those on the sidelines: your enjoyment of everything these creators share is half the fun! Thank you for joining us for the ride, and for letting your delight shine through. Hopefully you can join us next year!

And a final thank you to all the mods who helped this run smoothly: @essayofthoughts, @rightpastnowhere and @crithaus, it was a pleasure keeping this ship (hah! get it?) on course with y'all while also watching you offer your own contributions to Perc'ahlia Week. @burr-ell, my co-admin, thank you so much for helming this with me, your insight was always astute and your work dearly appreciated (im sorry for changing your nickname to butt-ell </3). Also thanks me @blorbologist i guess.

[thtpl]

JIMIN’S ‘WHO’ MV LIGHT ANALYSIS by @tahtiplau.bsky.social (revised 23.07.24)

Hi there!

(This analysis is also available on thtplau.wordpress.com if you don't have Tumblr account and can't read to the end. Also some prior basic knowledge about BTS and Jimin will give you more insight while reading this.)

[In brackets and red are my thoughts and notes, otherwise it's descriptive text. The symbolisms used in the MV have several meanings, I chose the ones I thought relevant. This is simply my interpretation, not fact!

Some parts I wasn’t sure about and may come to change my mind about them later as my mind processes. Some parts I couldn’t figure out what would fit the best or I was at a loss.  

I took into account the album’s songs and their lyrics as well. I’m not a native English speaker and my sources for explaining the symbolisms were not university worthy either – I did this for fun and my own enjoyment – and hopefully yours! 

I avoided looking at any analysis by others before doing mine, so these are my thoughts. Only one I saw was by revelEVERafter on IG. It was about the other side of the street being lit and colorful, and the other being dark and void of life (when the camera pans around near the end). Also thank you @shr-mooon.bsky.social for first pointing out the “pause” text in the end and giving me the tip of slowing down the video. 

Essentially, I understood the MV to be a journey through passion and love from childhood/early teenage years to adulthood. Love can transform you and your life.

I think the MV goes through the whole album like a story. The protagonist I use in my analysis is Jimin, with the assumption that he has written about his own experiences.

LET'S START!

In the starting scene we see a night street and a flyer comes up which says “WHO IS!! Tornado of love”. There’s also “1995’s TOP love song!!” On the right of the street is a lighted sign “The cinema COMING SOON” [The paper poster is like a weather forecast or a movie poster of what is to come in Jimin's life.]

We see Jimin walking to the street, he stops and a burning car drives by (driver side is burning).  

[There is a lot of cars in the MV. I believe that in this video, cars symbolize moving on the road of life.  

Fire is an important symbolism in this video. Fire may signal transformation and symbolize an individual’s transformation or transition. Fire can also symbolize passion.

This is the start of Jimin's love story.]

Jimin walks closer to the camera and we see a TV on the road, displaying an image of a person walking to the right. There’s a timer and marking ‘SP’ and 'play’. There's a heart behind the person and text (can’t read it). The TV is also partly burning.

[I believe the TVs/screens in the MV symbolize a heart. This one is burning and the figure inside is walking – there is passion in this heart, but no urgency, it’s strolling through the street of life right now. The passion here could be about a dream or a goal, or a desire for love.]

[(SP) in video = Standard play. Will have the highest possible video quality, and it’s the one usually used. LP in video = Long play. Runs slower for more recording time, but for lower video quality.) ]

Behind Jimin is SLOW DANCE records shop, Ryan vintage clothing store and a pizza store. More to the left is a video rental.

Jimin dances with four women on the street, all dressed somewhat masculine or unisex, leather jacket, camo pants, boots etc. (This is just my impression of the clothing.)

[I believe this might be Jimin's first tries at dating and having an interest to acquiring romantic love. I'm basing this on the shops we see on the street behind him at first.

Ryan Vintage is an actual vintage and thrift shop. Slow dance records also exists.] 

Scene changes to Jimin walking to the right, and a burning shopping cart goes by. There’s a TV in it with a heart and a running man. (Are those trash bags under the TV?) 

[A shopping cart can symbolize abundance, choice and the promise of fullfilment.

Things are now changing in Jimin's life and the desire and passion in his heart grow stronger, everything is accelerating and changing here. He's running after his goals. I believe he has found a crush or is in love now.

I would take the trash bags (if they are those) to mean that some of his passion is wasted, on the wrong track, or not appreciated? Oh god if his heart is sitting on a burning pile of trash...]  

A crow sits on the dumpster and takes flight. Workers with safety vests and helmets are behind Jimin, with packages, cones, ladder etc.

[I believe the crow here signifies a change in the narrative at this point, or a change soon to come in Jimin's life that was set in motion. Crows can symbolize death/REBIRTH and change. They can also forebode change as in “winds of change” - a TORNADO.] 

Six male dancers join Jimin. Afterwards four of them go to the right and three to the left. Jimin dances with the two remaining until they too leave to the right. Jimin walks to the left and scene change.  

[My guess here is that this could be BTS in their trainee days and the workers are staff. (Unfortunately the dancers, their choreos, clothes and their numbers didn't become clear to me here or later. I might have to think about them at a later point again.)] 

A text blinks on the screen “Auto calibration.”

On the right is a burning yellow car, the shopping cart with the TV falls on it. There was a teddy bear next to the car, it flies off because of the cart. On the TV is a heart without the man now. The TV falls on the ground.  

[Calibration can be needed if there have been changes or there is suspicion of faulty readings. So maybe something that was previously misunderstood now clears out.

It's also noteworthy that later, the 'SP', 'PLAY' etc video markings appear on the bigger screen and not in separate smaller TVs anymore. Before, love was a smaller part in Jimin's life and appeared just on the screens, whereas now it's become his actual life... Hence the calibration.

I believe the teddy bear represents childhood and innocence here and it coming to an end. I think this time period is either when BTS debuted or the time shortly after.

The direction Jimin had in his life is now completely changed, caused by his heart (the TV dropping on the burning car) and perhaps the realization of his dreams becoming finally true. (Jimin worked extremely hard during trainee days to debut as part of BTS. If you haven't you should also read the lyrics of Jimin's song 'Rebirth'.)]

In the back is the sign Oasis in green. On the right of it “Just call my name out loud, when ever you need me”, on the left of it a sign “Closer than this”. 

A woman comes from standing under the Oasis sign and Jimin walks to her. On the brick wall is again a sign “the cinema coming soon.” The number seven is on the left side in green writing.

[This building represents Bighit/Hybe building. The number seven on the wall represents BTS. Jimin’s song Closer than this and the lyrics together gives me the idea that he has now revealed his feelings and received some back.

All of these things form Jimin's Oasis, a safe place and a light in the dark for him. The person he next dances with comes to him from under that Oasis/safe haven.

The poster for 'the cinema' appears suspiciously often and in mvs like this, things probably don't get placed there "at random." Either it simply means all the media that Bighit and BTS have put out as shows, mvs, etc, OR maybe it's a hint about something new coming later, relating to Jimin's story.]

Jimin dances with the woman, we see another cinema sign on the street.

A crowd on the left is revealed. Some of them look scary, without shirts, a bit intimidating, some just stand. Someone in the crowd has a sign (can’t read it). There's an ambulance next to the crowd with the lights on. In the back of the crowd, it looks like a man is comforting a woman under his arm.

[The crowd represents the public, media and outside people; judging, rejecting, just standing there and not reacting, being sad/dissappointed. It really looks more like a mob, not very friendly. I think this crowd and the ambulance pose as threats that Jimin's love and passion and especially Jimin himself have to face. (Injury, critics, judgement, other's opinions, threats of violence etc.)]

The dancer kind of hugs Jimin and then pushes him to the left and now he dances with five guys. The crowd is again shown in the back, another sign with a picture of a blonde woman and “Who”.

[Everyone wanting to know who they date, but in idol culture in kpop that’s a scandal and big ‘NO’ to do. I think the changing camera angle signifies that the threat is there, constant but greater at times. (Why is there only five guys now with Jimin? Just choreo reasons?)] 

Six women join Jimin and the guys, and the angle changes to the Oasis background again. They dance and the groups change sides. Jimin dances with the blonde woman, then the dancers leave in different directions. 

A screen falls in front, with the text “Keep going>>” and “WHO” with red, and a picture of eyes. We see the burning yellow car again. The previous TV with the heart is gone.  

[Again, I believe the TV screens have represented Jimin’s heart and love. This screen is now filled with a person. I either understand the text here to mean “this is not the right person so keep going” OR to “keep going with this person,“ depending if the message is directed at us the audience, or Jimin. (He's definitely teasing us with the 'who'.) From now on there's no more screens. Except the one we're watching.

I'm not giving guesses who it is on the screen, though I know the popular opinions and do have one myself. You can form your own if you wish, though it's not any of our business really. But now he's made a mv and a song about it, so...]

Scene change. Jimin walks on the safe sidewalk and the dancers pass him by. In the start it reads “REWIND” “LP” and the timing of around 1.32.05 comes up and starts counting down. The scene doesn’t go backwards, however. 

[Reminder: (LP = Long play, longer recording time, lower quality)

This baffled me, but I came to the conclusion that maybe it means that for a long time, there was love but it didn’t necessarily get to shine it’s brightest yet. The video quality also drops here.

We usually rewind when we want to get back to the beginning or want to review something. I would also see this as the 'SERENADE' part - there's slow dancing, nice clothes, a restaurant and a movie rental - it's a DATE! Jimin is low-key dating/in a relationship.] 

Jimin first 'bumps' (interacts) into a woman who briefly grabs/touches him(?), then pauses next to another woman, and a crow flies of from a car hood now. [Again pointing out a change/rebirth incoming, this time it's going to be huge (the tornado).] 

He keeps walking and does a small dance with the blonde woman from before, then turns to the camera. [He interacted with three dancers, so maybe third time's a charm but in what? Again the dancers and choreos I didn't get it.]  

Jimin starts walking on the street, off the sidewalk. The ‘LP’ and counting numbers disappear before Jimin steps on the road and ‘PLAY’ starts blinking. Behind Jimin a tornado starts, lifting cars and other things, then a rainbow static comes up across the screen briefly.  

[After this 'long play' period, Jimin walking on the sidewalk and playing it safe, maybe going back-and-forward with his relationship while dating or taking time to think about his relationship and keeping it secret from public knowledge, Jimin steps on the road of life again and here comes the Tornado of Love™!

So the love he’s had for so long is now finally in BLOOM.] 

Jimin keeps walking towards the camera, between two cars. Behind, the tornado destroys the sign with a picture of a man and letters “(c)hter” (hater? cheater?) and illuminated text ‘closer’.

Sparks/fireworks fly off on the sides, also especially near the ‘bliss’ sign.

[The all transforming Tornado of Love™ sweeps out haters and fears in Jimin’s life (or he doesn't care anymore) and sends off sparks and fireworks. Now, fireworks can symbolize freedom and unity, the ability to overcome adversity and also symbolize having found your true love!

Something wonderful changed and it brought freedom and/or true love! I would go with both, hence the BLISS!

(I’m also still hoping for a song called ‘Bliss’ from Jimin, kkkkk)] 

12 dancers join Jimin in front of four cars. The cars have headlights on but they are idling. Firework-like sparkles keep shooting off in the back. Street lamps and a car fall in front of Jimin and the dancers.

[A yellow bicycle is on the left side of the street and another one on the right side with a darker color. A bicycle is a symbol of hope and progress. The color yellow is often a symbol of optimism and happiness.]

The camera pans 360 degrees, and the dancers have left when it comes back. Jimin walks towards the four cars. There are drivers in them. 

[Jimin was finally living his best life and enjoying it, but now Jimin’s life is standing still, the cars are waiting to move again on the road of life.

He’s going to the military service. (There are four cars, so maybe they represent RM, Tae, Jimin and Jungkook going at the same time and putting their lives on hold?)] 

Jimin walks past the cars, away from the camera and a screen static with the text “PAUSE” comes up for a second.

[The love story we’ve been told is now in ‘PAUSE’ mode.]

The mv ends and we get the smeraldo flower, 'Who' logo, a dash of rainbow color and the text ‘PLAY’. 

[Smeraldo flower is a fictional flower and originates from BTS’ previous album lore in Love Yourself era, and essentially symbolizes ’feelings that couldn’t be delivered’ or ’the truth untold’. Please look up the lore if you haven’t, there’s plenty of information about it online.

When we get the Truth Untold and the answer to ‘who’, the story will continue again, it’s not over.

His heart is now waiting and it's definitely taken.] 

END NOTES:

This is not facts, just my intepretation of the mv.

I tried to make this not about ‘who’, but simply about the story told in the MV. 😊 

I’m sure I missed a lot, I didn't even try it with all the car brands, colors.... So many things. What annoys me the most is that I have no revelation about the dancers yet.

But I think I’ve had enough of analyzing for a while and would love to hear your thoughts. Do you agree on my analysis or disagree? What did I miss or misintepret?

Sincerely, 

Tahtiplau 

Revised on 23.07.24

[hanzajesthanza]

Hi! Firstly, just wanted to say I enjoy your analysis and posts a lot, they gave me so much more insight into the Witcher books. I even bought the Polish versions on Book Depository before they closed down because I saw your post on it, so thank you for that! :')

So a while ago I remembered you posting about some Witcher worksheets that you were doing for your own analysis and reflection like in literature classes. I was wondering if you would ever share them here? Currently rereading the books and thought it would be great to trigger my own thoughts and opinions because I am someone who tends to read more for enjoyment and not think too much about the bigger themes...but I find your analyses and thoughts really cool and I would like to do something similar in the future too :p

Thank you in advance and have a great day :3

wow! i am so flattered that people would be interested in such a thing! though to clarify, i just put the idea as something on my to-do list, i'm not actually sitting on a pile of worksheets yet...

however, this is something i actually did for fun as a child (just, with percy jackson instead of the witcher, haha), so i don't think it would be such a hurdle to start making them. i may feel a little self-conscious, as i'm not certified in anything relevant to reading, but if it would be of use for people, i'd gladly do it.

my plan is to probably make them donationware - free, but with donations welcomed - and make them available through my website as downloadable PDFs. i'll let you know + post here when i (hopefully!) have something more to share!