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#but i also can't do too much noise
glitter-and-be-gay · 7 months
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My ADHD is working so hard today to pull me into 7 different directions that not even my autism is enough to counteract it
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keeps-ache · 5 months
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the worst thing that has come out of me losing every art file from this year is that i can't just eyedrop palettes now. the world is agony
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mystery-star · 10 months
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Here goes my "a week without mental breakdowns" streak.
Aka the week in which my sister was on vacation. Now just the thoguht of her being back brought me to the Edge of one.
👏👏👏
(Don't get me wrong tho, I love my sis and she doesn't do the stuff on purpose but STILL)
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feeling sick constantly in the background all the time is like.. usually negligible-ish.. until multiple various chronic background issues all happen to overlap at once and then it’s like 
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#Like usually I cycle between like. joint pain issues. chest muscle injury stuff. back pain. stomach problems. headaches. etc.#There is never a day that I feel totally normal for the most part. but it's usually just little things here and there on and off#chronic things that seem to flare up sometimes. But then every once in a while it's like the flare ups align and I'll have 6 of the problems#at the same time and then is AaaaaaaaaaaaAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA#For some reason it's okay to deal with one or two of these things at any given time. but if I have to deal with like 3+ at once#or two of the old ones plus one NEW thing I've never had before or etc. etc.#I just can't even do anything. I run around stressed out of my mind unable to focus on any tasks or do anything but feel bad#then I cant even play games or do fun stuff becuause my brain wont let me be distracted from fixating on the fact that I feel bad#It's kind of the same way that it's stressful for me to go into grocery stores because my brain LITERALLY just is not capable of tuning out#all of the noises and lights and sensory information - so it' gets overwhelming quickly. I also just literally cannot tune out sensory infor#mation from my body. so if something feels even a LITTLE weird or a LITTLE painful or is even slightly different than usual#especially if it's overlapping with multiple other 'low level chronic pain' type things then my brain is just like.. being given way too muc#h information that it still cant tune out and then I can't focus and just walk around in a daze for however long until one of the issues#goes away on it's own (like joint pain flare ups usually come and go etc. etc.). or until I see a doctor abut whatever the new thing is#and maybe something they do or say actually helps or etc. etc.#Idk I have SO SO much I want to do the beginning of the year and so many projects to finish and things to post and schedules I have#written out for me to get on (like excercising more consistently and etc.) and it's just furstrating for my brain to just be like#ah.. nope.. we are not doing that. instead we are going to be completely incapacitated by a host of physical issues#which I think most ''normal people'' would just ignore like ''oh yeah I'll just load myself up on ibuprophen and coffee and energy#drinks and advil and sleep supplements and this and that'' or whatever but I can't do that it just makes stuff worse. I have to just sit for#days having a mind battle like 'okay yes we're having these problems.. but we can still like.. do SOMETHING right? we could like.. write#or draw. or things that don't take much energy'' and brain is just like NO!!! WE CANT!!! BECAUSE!! THING IS WEIRD!!!' and it's like okay#but thing is going to be weird. there's nothing we can do about thing being weird right now. so we should just focus on something else#'NO!! CANNOT TUNE OUT THING BEING WEIRD!! lets just fixate on it instead and wander aimlessly from thing to thing never able#to fully focus on any other task. hee hee''. anyway. hhghh.. sometimes I just get tired of having Various Ailments at any given time#especially unexplained ones or weird recurring problems that doctors haven't done much about because then it lends to paranoia like#'what if something is seriously wrong but I just dont know it yet?' which could be the case. I mean hopefully not. but I just hate stuff#being unexplained. because if there's no clear answer then the answer could be anything. even somehting bad. *** :V#ANYWAY gghhb... just bothered at the moment. I was going to come here like 'hey maybe I could post some drafts or pictures or something that#could feel productive!' but.. i dont feel like it. i dont care. too focused on Bad Feeling. just going to complain instead lol
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united-under-skyfall · 6 months
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#i think one thing i really didn't prepare for w overnights is just how fucking lonely it is. like yeah 80% of the reason i took it was to#get away from customers but like. it worked. and the night shift team is v v small. there's only 4 of us and we've never been scheduled all#at once yet. and usually we're running around on completely opposite ends of the building going long periods of time without#radioing each other. and then i come home all amped up and the rest of my house is still asleep. and then when they wake up#it's just to get ready and go and we don't really have time to talk. and by the time they get back i'm sleeping#and it's my first night off and i can't fuck up my whole schedule i worked so hard to switch over to w them flipping me all over the place#so now i'm just like. sitting in the half light trying not to wake anybody up not doing anything. the only places near us open are#gas stations and i can't exactly loiter there and what would i do even if i could. and it's too cold to go for a walk or to the park#or something. and i feel like i haven't talked to another human being about something that wasn't related to work in years#and it's only been a week.#and we can listen to music or podcasts or something but our carts and machines are so loud you miss half of it. and we can't hold#super long conversations when we ARE in the same room for the same reasons. plus we all want to die so none of us feel like talking.#and just. im tired and lonely and want to sleep and im already regretting this but i'd feel bad for backing out now when they have so#few options and i volunteered for it in the first place#and then there's also like. even just doing my usual solitary thing at home feels so much more isolated bc there's not the noises#of other people existing nearby. the nearest signs of life are some coughing and then a car on the other side of the block#just. what am i even doing here.#tag ramble
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pinkieroy · 10 months
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I have an idea for a fic but so little confidence in my writing abilities
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gideonisms · 1 year
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grits teeth this anxiety is just an excuse to treat myself better that's all this is telling me. It's just the sign to go on more walks and make myself my favorite tea and read more. Things that WILL feel good and luxurious so help me
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opens-up-4-nobody · 1 year
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...
#the burdent of not being understood. its annoying and i dont like it. also its my fault#because if u say something serious in a light tone ppl dont kno wtf to do. prob bc they dont kno if ur delusional or not and like dont#wanna upset u. but then its like annoying bc they still walk away worried and im like ok neither of us r happy bc u dont get how serious#thjs is but i cant tell u how serious it is without making u worried. and y should i make u worry if u can't fuckinf do anything abt it?#so its just annoying. which is to say i went to a retirement lunch today and it was as awkward as i imagined#bc it was me and my boss and a couple professors and i dont do well in these group situations anything so i spent a lotta time spaced out#not hearing anyone bc the noise in the room was messy and my brain was peeling away from my body. but whatever i was there. and my boss#drove us both and on the way back she started the. im worried abt u talk. which i feel like she was too hesitant abt it. which like i get#bc its awkward to bring up but like i dont give a fuck so idk i feel like u gotta start those conversations like. this is how watching u#makes me feel. idk whatever. and i was honest but like it was a 5min car ride so i didnt have thr time to be like ok heres the deal. ya#kno? so now im all annoyed bc my brain is fucking unbearable when i feel like i havent made my thoughts clear. and now its like. do i bring#it back up? or just let it go? whats to be gained by talking abt it? all that i have to say is upsetting bc im very aware im being self#destructive. thats the point. i get boried and my brain only lets me do like 2 things so i use those things to make myself insane. bc at#least then i can observe the symptoms of the stress im exherting on myself. and i kno that not good bc idk how to stop and ppl r always#like u gotta relax. what will help u relax? and im like u dont fucking understand. i cant regulate thr amount i like things. if i like#something i like it so much it becomes stressful. and i like drawing but its not relaxing. its a thing i have to do and its stressful bc im#constantly thinking abt making things perfect and never meeting thst mark. my happiest memories arent even happy moments theyre just times#where my brain stopped for a second and i could just breathe for a minute. so like i cant relax. i dont like anything a normal amount so#the solution must be medication. but my brain has decided im not allowed to fix this problem until i move away so like 🙃 and like i was#giving little bits of this in the car but its like lady i kno its a problem. ive known its a problem for years. the self awareness doesnt#help. except that it keeps me from doing anything extremely bad bc for me if i at least kno where it comes from i can b like ah yes. this#is fucking stupid lol. but i dunno how me sharing all this helps bc im sure it only raises the worry. but like its fine. i mean its not but#like ya kno. and i was kinda explaining how upsetting it is for me to have my schedule changed without warning even if its for things other#ppl would see as good and i wasnt thst firm abt it so it was: but i can't just do nothing for u! and i was like ugh fuck it fine whatever.#and like do i bring that back up bc it is like a respect my boundaries thing but like i feel like if i were anyone else it would be good#to drag someone out of their comfort zone but im being dragged into situations i find profoundly isolating bc i cant seem to function in#groups. ugh its just fucking annoying bc i dont want her to feel bad. i appreciate the effort but like ugh its exhausting. whatever. it was#anyway. im just annoyed thst i should have explained things better. also im annoyed thst i constantly forget most things taste bland and#then im annoyed when i hsve to eat bland things. i think my nose doesnt work right bc i csnt smell much either#unrelated
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monster-noises · 1 year
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I have valentines day off i've discovered and idk if that'll be a curse or a blessing...
(_=<=)_
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romeoandromeo · 2 years
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#so bored rn i want to write but i don't want to get up and go to the computer to do so and also I'm shit out of ideas#and also i took a sleep aid so i should actually probably be trying to sleep instead of writing or browsing Tumblr#idk today was just very unfulfilling i guess#i was supposed to see my friend and chill and get high#but he got called into work and so i just went to the bmv instead because I've been putting off getting my new license and i had nothing#better to do so i just got that shit out of the way#i didn't get a chance to buy cigarettes so I've been without nic all day long and it's making me restless#I've been inside literally all day I'm going stir crazy i need some nature#but it was hot today#well hot compared to what it has been it was only 78 today and i come from Florida so i shouldn't be completing#complaining i mean#but like all week it's been in the fifties and I've been loving it i feel like I'm living with this cold weather#I'm literally in bed sweating rn i feel like I'm still down south#i can't continue the YouTube video I'm watching because i think this sleep aid is making things influence my dreams#and i was watching a playthrough of a game that makes me paranoid but I'm sucked in and i just don't feel like being schizophrenic rn#who am i kidding I'm always schizophrenic lol maybe i should get back on meds idk just don't feel like being extra paranoid ig#i have a roach but no one hitter and i found literally a pinch of weed#but how can i smoke it? idk where my bfs pipe is and also my parents bedroom window is open so they would literally smell it#im not trying to get kicked out 🙄 can't leave the house because the garage makes too much noise and idk our front door is weird#also where would I even go?? wtf#idk im literally just so incredibly bored and i want to do anything but sleep i really want to be outside smoking really#anything a blunt a cigarette... idc id even take a damn vape and i literally hate vaping#well i guess i don't megahate it but still#ugh what do i even dooooooooo. i want to be under the influence of somethingggggg but we don't even have any alcohol....#well... i have a few blue moons in my car which i should probably get that shit out of there they've been under my seat for months#but I don't want beer :/ i need like a buzzball or smth also?? ever since i moved and have had to buy something that i need to show my id i#i keep getting dirty looks from the clerks??? like what'd i do I'm literally just buying a pack of cigarettes.. and you hardcore stare at#my id and then give me the evil eye for what?? I'm of age??? stick up your ass much???#idfc i started giving them dirty looks right back like i did nothing wrong and you're out to get me for no reason ://#what was i talking about before this???
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keeps-ache · 14 days
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little soup cans are some of the neatest things we have, wish there were more soup-can-like things in this world
#just me hi#though canopeners need to stop being deadly weapons to some degree before that hfhs#'they're not deadly tho ?' well usually yes. but did you know that they can age Badly? i did not!#and the one I was using was dulled to an extent that it would Skip over a part of the can#(nearly the same spot every time lol) and when I thought I'd managed to fool it and had only#the tiniest bit of metal between me and some beans (pretty sure it was beans) I thought#'ohh I'll just pull up the can lid :)' Well the lid snapped off completely towards and Into my hand#and I had a bean-can wound on my pinky for about a week or so. I do not know how long it's been lol#//but soup cans are pretty cool I feel like they're kinda underappreciated !!#you can just have Soup ? Whenever ??? and it's Normal !! wow :D#sure making soup is pretty great. but that's a process man. and we're not even associates#[<- 'a process I am (not) intimate with']#like there is a little can of menudo in the pantry rn - medunito they call it isn't that just !! - and it's just there. it can be made in#like 10 minutes. is this Not the best thing ever ! ?#//I've also gotta figure out this sleeping thing that I've got going on (everybody has it going on)#I was maybe half a week into actually have a consistent thing going but the night I stopped was bc I am a sucker of a storyteller and we#were up til about. I think 4-6 a.m.#that's on me yes. my siblings vs. my desire to tell stories and rubber willpower hfbdh#a deadly match truly#and also I lost my snoopy watch (RIP snoopy watch you will be missed (I can't find it send help Waough)) and that was the only clock I had#in this room so now if I wanna know the time I have to go the living room - which is like a whole dang thing lemme tell you about it#/first I've gotta get up - easiest thing by far - and get to the door - assuming I don't get KO'd by my siblings' belongings on the floor -#get to the door. the door Is broken to some extent. opening it means a loud THDPD noise is sent throughout the entire house lol. and you#have to yank on the thing to get it open - so double effort there - and then you step out into the hallwayish area where you can then enter#the living room - oh so easy! but No! you then have to either turn on the kitchen lights and wake everyone with their door open or sleeping#in the living room for whatever reason Orrr you have to clamber over chairs pots perhaps a cat if you've got real bad luck that night to ge#up nice n personal to the clock so you can read the dang thing and see it's 11:23. which is like nothing so you stay up Anyway and do not#check the clock again because not only was that a hassle but also you released every creature that was in the room with you (that's a lot o#noise). but Yea the clock situation is ongoing hfbsh#'why don't you get a clock' that would be much too easy loll :) (last one disappeared and we keep forgetting lol) //ran out of tag space so
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queerstudiesnatural · 2 years
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#personal sad boi rant incoming#again it's after 9pm so i shouldn't pay this feeling any mind but#fuck i am so lonely#and it's stupid because i see people all day! people i like and get along with#but ok the thing is my job means i work in many different places#i'm in a different town working on a different project with different people each day of the week#i don't stay anywhere long enough to turn colleagues into friends#and i don't have enough free time to make other friends (no time to go out etc)#even the friends i do have i don't have time to hang out with bc my work days are usually 7am-9pm including most weekends#and i used to have tumblr and online friends to at least give me some sense of community#but lately i've been so busy and generally feeling meh#that i can't handle being online or even reading the chat etc.#and then i see everyone on the dash or in the chat having a great time and it kinda feels like looking at a room full of people you know#through a window and there's nothing keeping you from joining them except they're talking about stuff you don't understand#and there's too much noise and too many people and it's all overwhelming so you remain on the outside looking in#huh reminds me of the bela poem i wrote#anyway yeah i'm just lonely i just wanna catch a break and have like. one (1) free day to just hang out#i like my job but i'm exhausted#also if y'all knew how much i make for the number of hours i put in you'd tell me to riot#it's peanuts#i'm paid very little and i don't really care about money but still#it's all so exhausting and i'm stuck doing it if i wanna just get by#i can't afford to work less#whatever i'm just having a bad night is all
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disabledprincesses · 1 year
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Non-autistics living with autistics:
They keep eating the same freaking food and it frustrates me so much! We can't have the "big scary light" on just lamps everywhere! Even when I try to find peace by doing stuff with them they just ignore me and do whatever they want. They can't even do the simplest of things like go with me to the grocery store every week! How do people expect them to survive in society??
Autistics living together:
So as long as we get my 10 packets of this really specific food, and some snacks, I'll be okay. Also is it cool if you go to the grocery store? I can clean the bathroom since thats bad sensory for you and the store is bad sensory for me. Can you turn on the lamp instead of the big light? It gives me a headache. Thanks man. Yea I'll unplug the TV for you since you can hear the high pitched noise. Do you want to do two separate things in the same room as bonding again this evening? Thats my favorite part of the day too.
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gojosprettyprincess · 3 months
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Jujutsu Kaisen Men + How they'd moan w/audios.
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Tw - dirty talk, assplay in Suguru's, daddy kink in Nanami's, (Got a bit carried away in the geto one haha) also not proofread cause I got tired.
A/n this was requested so tysm to the person that requested it but a part of it is kinda a repost because I've already done something similar before but I hope you guys like it! Gojo, Geto, Toji, Choso, Nanami
Gojo Satoru
This is how Gojo sounds when he's close. (Ik this because he fucked me before so you can trust me on this)
He's very loud when he fucks you and he'd also whisper a lot of nasty shit to your ears while he's rutting his hips inside you, fucking you deeper into the bed while he has your legs over his shoulders, hissing and groaning at the way your tight cunt sucks him in so well, while your sinking your freshly manicured nails that he paid for into his back, decorating it with angry red marks and when he's close he'd be panting and breathing heavily on top of you, beads of sweat dripping from his forehead onto you from how much he's been fucking you.
"Fuckfuckfuck gonna fill you up so good baby, m'gonna stuff you so full of my cum, bet you'll like that yeah?".
Geto Suguru
This is how Suguru sounds while you're riding him in cowgirl position, he has a clear view of the way his cock slides into your soaked cunt every time you bounced on it, he just can't take his eyes off of it, the way your cunt would swallow his cock in and the way your ass jiggles every time you moved your hips, it was so hot. One thing that really caught his eye though was the way your asshole looked so neglected and desperate to be filled, he thought this would be the perfect opportunity to try something.
he spat on his right thumb, making sure to gets his spit all over it to use as lube before circling it around your hole, spreading his spit all around it then sinking his thumb slowly into the tight rim. He hisses as he felt how tight your ass was, clammed around his finger. He noticed how you started slowing down, and how your moans got so much louder, he lands a sharp slap on your ass. "Fuckkk sweetheart k-keep going, Fuck yeah, keep bouncing on my cock, yesss that's it, don't worry princess I'll make you feel s'good". He groans, feeling your cunt fluttering and cleaching around his cock.
He starts thumbing your ass, fucking his finger in and out of you matching your rhythm. "Holy fuck need you to cum, Be a good girl and cum f'me yeah?". He hisses, feeling you thrusting your hips faster and faster onto him, your brain gets all fuzzy and blank it was too much, both of your holes were getting stuffed and penetrated. You start feeling yourself getting closer and closer as you bounced yourself on top of him. "F-fuck sugu gonna cum, M'gonna cum!" you cried out. "Go ahead, cream on my cock baby you can do it fuckk", and that's all you needed to hear before you came undone, creaming all over his cock, rings of your nut appearing at the base of his cock, his thumb still buried in your ass to the hilt. He lets out a loud groan, looking at how your creamy cunt covered in cum. "Good fucking girl, see the mess you made on my cock baby?".
Toji Fushiguro
This is how he sounds when he's close, he doesn't really make that much noise while he's fucking you, maybe you'd earn a few groans and grunts once in a while because of your cunt but most of the time it's just dirty talk.
But when he's close, he gets so much louder and faster, he picks up his pace, hammering into you harder from behind while your face is buried into the pillow beneath you and landing harsh slaps onto the soft flesh of your ass while looking down to watch it jiggle everytime he thrust his hips against you. the sound of his cum filled balls that's waiting to be emptied inside your little cunny, slapping against your clit filling the room with each thrust along with your muffled moans. Your cunt was clamping around him like crazy because one thing about Toji, he always fucks you so good every damn time.
"Holy fucking shit, tight little cunt milking my cock so well, you gonna give me another kid baby or what?".
Choso Kamo
This is how he'd moan while you're on your knees sucking his cock and he's getting close; he'd be whimpering and moaning loudly while saying stuff like "pleasepleaseplease m'so close don't stop please" with tears prickling from his eyes while he's looking down at you. He begs you alot and he's also really sensitive so that makes him moan and whimper even more.
Nanami Kento
This is how he sounds when he's ramming his cock up into your poor messy cunny in his work office, purposely molding your tight hole into the shape of his thick girth as his large beefy hands gripping onto the back your thighs to hold your legs up into a full nelson-type positon but the difference is that he's sitting down and your back is leaning against his board chest.
His thrusts was hard and fast as he continues feeding your greedy tight cunt with his fat cock, loud pants and groans escaping his lips at the way your cunt tightens around his cock while he stretches you out. "Hah- oh fuckk such a good little slut, taking daddy's cock so well, s'good f'me baby". His deep and husky voice made you throbbing around his cock while he ruins you.
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windkonig · 2 months
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when people say "ok but x bug has no benefit to nature" I bet they can't even name 5 facts about the bug they're shitting on. so how could they Possibly know what its function is in the environment and if it's "useless" or not
wasps being the perfect example, I still get people saying "oh bees are cute and pollinate :) yay. but WASPS ARE EVIL and they don't contribute ANYTHING!!!" and it's like buddy. wasps pollinate too. they also control spider populations. they do a lot of great valuable things. but even if they didn't, they're still worthy of being here. I see SO much hatred toward wasps and I wish people would try to learn a little more about them.
I'm mainly talking about paper wasps here because these are common ones we run into in daily life and most commonly deemed "aggressive". but wasps have body language. and if you learn to read this language and learn how to properly act around them, things will go a lot better for you! wasps can be curious creatures and they may come up to observe you, especially if you're wearing something brightly colored. this can be startling for sure, but my best advice is to just be still, DO NOT SWAT or wave your arms. try to just back away or sidestep so it loses interest and leaves. swatting is just gonna make them feel as if they are being attacked and increase your chances of being stung.
many stings happen due to unfortunate but accidental circumstances. unknowingly getting too close to a nest, stepping on a wasp on accident, one getting stuck in clothing, etc. I got stung once while gardening, went to pull a weed and the wasp was on it, so I grabbed her without knowing and she stung me because she was scared. this doesn't mean "oh wasps are AGGRESSIVE and EVIL" it means you stumbled into an unfortunate situation where the wasps felt threatened and defensive. instead of being like "FUCK all wasps" go forward trying to learn about common nesting areas, be wary of holes in the ground, wear gloves while gardening, and if you do have to be around a nest, try not to make a lot of noise. if the nest absolutely needs removed, call a professional.
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mymelx · 3 months
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being Sukuna's favorite concubine and soon to be his only wife
Heian era, NSFW, no usage of Y/N
Sukuna would randomly and easily pick you up on his shoulders, carrying you around with his usual stern expression. He would gently put you on the bed, spreading your legs and tucking your kimono up to look at that pretty little pussy of yours. He opens the collar of your kimono to see how your soft, sensitive breasts bounce while fucking you.
He would be gentle in sex with you. He used to be rough and careless with his other concubines, but with you, his main concentration is hearing your little whines and whimpers.
Slowly but surely thrusting his fat cock in your little pussy hole, trying his best not to hurt you, and each time you let out a little innocent painful noise, he curses himself for causing you pain. He's extra careful but still, his cock is just too big for you and it's not easy for you to take it.
He would fuck you for so long, cumming in you and when he pulls out, he'll watch his seed oozing out of your little hole. It just doesn't stop. Then he would say "all my seed is wasted... I have to fill you again, little lady, hmm?" and push his cock in your already filled pussy again, thrusting slowly and kissing your temples and your jaw, caressing your hair and praising you between his groans:
"Such a small, adorable vulnerable woman. I need to protect you and our future children that I'm gonna put into you."
He would cuddle with you after sex and you can't escape from his four arms that are wrapped around you.
He gets hard every time he sees you. He's basically always hard for you. You're just so small and cute, caressing him and kissing his face and hair, giggling and showing him your clothes, dressing up for him, sitting on his lap, clinging on him, feeling safe and secure, telling him about the interesting stories that you read in the books.
He would caress and brush your hair. He loves seeing your free, long hair around you.
He most definitely would ban any verbal communication between you and the servants. They're not allowed to talk to you. Only the two maids you trust the most are allowed to talk to you. Not that much, though. Only receiving your orders and do what you ask them to do.
He would also probably ask you not to wear underwear under your kimono so that he can take you easily when he wants, without having to rip those pretty delicate panties of yours... he just worries about your panties that much!
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