#but i also feel like that's a decent price for something so pretty. they're a small designer too so i don't mind

[poptartmochi]

this dress is so insanely beautiful i'm about to start biting

[identifying-cars-in-posts]

Hi! Thanks for opening asks, I've been hoping to get your advice. I think cars are cool but I don't know much about them. I have a decent job now and may be able to afford a nice car soon. I've always loved Corvettes because of their design, but I don't actually know if they're a "good" car. Are they worth the money? Are there other cars in that price range that are worth looking into? Would you recommend buying an expensive car like that pre-owned? Thank you 💚

no worries, sorry it’s been so long since i opened them! there’s nothing more expensive than a cheap luxury car unfortunately. corvettes are cool but parts and labor can get expensive from my understanding. there’s definitely worse options and if you really want one you can learn, but depending on your budget (corvettes can range from $5k to $200k+ depending on the generation and trim level so i can’t really get an idea of how much you’re looking at without knowing which vettes you’re shopping for) but you might have a better time with a ford mustang or chevy camaro if you want some american muscle, parts for pretty much any generation of those are generally cheaper and more plentiful, and they may be a bit more reliable. the closest i can think of in terms of parallels to the like 90s-2000s corvettes would be the honda/acura nsx, but those have absolutely skyrocketed in price over the last couple years. used to be able to snag a naturally aspirated first gen for like 20k but not so much nowadays. newer gen nsxs are in the same general ballpark as new corvettes in terms of price as far as i know, maybe a bit more expensive, so if you’re looking for something new that may not be a bad choice. for new ones you could also go lexus LC or porsche cayman or even some 911s. if you’re going for like a cheaper 80s or 90s corvette though, i’d go with a gm g-body like a buick regal or oldsmobile cutlass supreme, a foxbody ford mustang, a toyota mr2, maybe a mercedes sl but repairs get real expensive with old mercedes

hope this helps at all! if anyone else has some more insight feel free to drop suggestions in the replies!

[rabdoidal]

tag game! 🎧🎶 tagged by @theocannibalism shuffle your music library and share the first 10 songs that come up.

Thanks bud! Shuffling my liked instead of my playlists for fairness ✌️

Waiting For The Weekend by San Cisco: a decent song! I liked it more in uni but it's certainly still musically pretty - it's a little trite to write a love song about drugs being personified, but San Cisco can make anything a sexy indie jam (7/10) Favourite line: And when she's standing right next to me / She's never quite as close as I'd like her to be

Your Dog by Soccer Mommy: a STELLAR song by a band truly so close to my heart - my fav combination in music is a clean voice and dirty bass. also this song also has a fucked up relationship dynamic and its. very Izzy Hands to me sorry (10/10) Favourite line: Forehead kisses break my knees / And leave me crawling back to you

Pulaski at Night by Andrew Bird: another top tier banger but also (shout out to artificial ghost radio listeners) this is my NBC hannigram song its so. like the classical instruments and delusional sweetness makes it feel like a candlelit waltz in a blood splattered suit (10/10) Favourite line: I write you a story / But it loses its thread / And all of my witnesses / Keep turning up, turning up dead

Paint It, Black by The Rolling Stones: truly wild that this is in my likes because its a great song but its like. I don't think I've ever intentionally listened to the rolling stones apart from this? anyway bangers only I always love how dramatic and goth it is (8/10) Favourite line: No more will my green sea / Go turn a deeper blue

Androgynous by The Replacements: this song honestly makes me tear up sometimes, even tho its purely joyful, because it makes me think about how its a song from the 80s that has more kindness and love for genderqueer people than most people do 40 years later. It makes me love being t4t (9/10) Favourite line: Now, something meets boy, and something meets girl / They both look the same / They're overjoyed in this world

Cinnamon Spider by Jack Off Jill: nothing wrong with an alt/goth song about revenge and guilt with weird voice modulated screaming and creepy whispering (7/10) Favourite line: Consumed by hate and guilt, she'll never retire / Too old to fix, too dead to ever acquire

Human Fly by The Cramps: I've been listening to a lot of rockabilly/oldhead goth rock recently and I'm loving the cramps! I've only really heard the big hits until recently, but Human Fly is definitely my stand-out favourite, I love songs that are kinda nasty and maggoty or more conceptual or goofy! It makes it stand out to me (10/10) Favourite line: And baby I won't care / 'Cuz baby I don't scare / 'Cuz I'm a reborn maggot using germ warfare

The Price Is Right Theme Song by Antarctigo Vespucci: I'm a little over listening to indie emo at the moment so I do frequently skip this when it comes on shuffle, but the lyricism is honestly heartbreaking (5/10) Favourite line: Oh my lord, I wish that I didn't know they'll still make TV shows long after I go.

Big Bird by AJJ: I have thoughts feelings comments and critiques of AJJ, but I can't deny that if you want to be in a dangerously bad mood it hits. it completely hits. and I think its interesting that they make songs about taboo intrusive thoughts and criticisms they have of the world, even if i dont always love the song they make in the end (6/10) Favourite line: So I bought a knife / I am a knife / I am a Knife Man

Arty Boy by Flight Facilities ft. Emma Louise: a real vibey party song about being inexplicably into the guy taking photos and smoking at the function instead of dancing - to me it reads as a little comphet, or a little bit bisexual, because the way Emma Louise is singing about the ladies is a lil sus (7/10) Favourite line: And all the girls must be models here, sipping up on margaritas / Twist their bodies so beautiful, making shapes with the music

idk who to tag but if you want an excuse to do this, go with my blessing and pretend I tagged you

[bvnga-aprikot]

I got the Who Made Me a Princess paper doll book from the Volume 3 limited edition and i said i would make a review on it, so here it is!

This was specifically the WMMAP i really really wanted to have ever since i laid my eyes on it, and after seeing @ultramarine-spirit's review on it i decided that i should try finding it so i don't have to long for it anymore. I got unbelievably lucky with this because it was the last one on sale and it was at a decent price, so thankfully it easy to convince my dad to lend me the money to buy it and he is a real MVP in this. Without further ado, i'll jump right into my review!

First off, the book is gorgeous. Not only was it in super good condition but the cover is just, so precious and i love it so much. I love Athy and Jetty so this book was already a priority in what WMMAP merch i wanted to buy, and since it's my first time doing so i have to say it went better than i expected. A few things i noticed is how kid Jennette got a lot of original outfits in this book since she barely appeared in the first arc, so i didn't think she would get a lot in this book. They're cute though so i don't really mind.

Ultramarine said in her review that she didn't want to cut out the dolls because it was too precious and after holding the book in my own hands, i think i too don't want to take them out. Like on one hand i think it would be fun to play dress up with them and have Athy and Jetty swap clothes for fun, but on the other hand this book is so rare that i think you'd have better luck finding the Volume 7 character illustrations than this gold mine anywhere else. I wish i could just photo copy this so i could still made the dolls without sacrificing the book :<

Something interesting about this is that for the backgrounds you might need to have the box this book came with for it to stick, which you can obviously improvise with but it kinda makes sense considering it has a platform for the dolls to stand on and all that. Also, we got more of Athanasia's room in this! Idk why i was excited but i love seeing her room for some reason because it just feels like it would be her room with the pink accents and blues complimenting it, sorta like Athy's two debutante dresses. I'm a bit disappointed we never got one for Jetty's room since i would love to see it here too, but i digress since maybe i could search up references of both their rooms and try to make it. (not that i'd ever will, just thought it would be fun to do)

So now let’s get onto the dresses. Ultramarine had already elaborated more on Athy’s dresses in her review so i’ll try to keep this short: they’re so cute, from her little girl dresses to when she’s a teenager i think she had so many great dresses and the ones Spoon picked for her could not be more great for this! Obviously she has to have her debutante dress with her but her other outfits are also super pretty in this (while obviously simplified). As for Jennette, because she hasn’t appeared much in the manhwa at this point her dresses are more on compiling all that she’s worn at that point, so while she didn’t get as much variety as Athy her dresses are still super cute and i especially love her green dress. As i said kid Jetty didn’t have a lot of outfits hence why she has a lot of original ones unique to this book, but i do wish we got the one outfit where she was cuddling the stuffed rabbit while looking sad. I have a whole crack theory on how it might be a representation of her relationship with the Alpheus family but this about the paper dolls so i’ll explain it in a later post.

A little tidbit about the instructions: from what was visualized there are two ways you can cut out Jetty's bonnets, and i think one of them involves using scraps to make a back slip so you can remove it anytime you want. Meaning, you can technically give small Athy a bonnet too if you could! This just means that you have to make their outfits removable though if you want them to match.

That's it for my review! I'm still too apprehensive of actually cutting out the paper dolls as i really don't want to risk ruining them, but maybe in the future i'll have the confidence to do so. I have this vague idea of posting memes of them doing cult activities since there's a lot of dolls and i do think that i might, just not now.

[tropigar]

Hey millie! Do you have any advice or tips on someone who has no idea where to even begin getting commissions? I love seeing all your stream art on my dash n thought you might have some ideas

Hi! I have a few pointers. And thank you, that is very kind :)

You'll need a payment processor. Paypal is pretty defacto in the art community. I always send invoices and it helps the transaction go smoother and gives you some control over the details and is better for recordkeeping purposes. You'll also need a platform to advertise your commissions on. Ideally this is just the same place you post your art and you have established yourself with a decent amount of art and some time on the platform to build an audience. There are artist-for-hire forums and the like where commissioners can seek out artists but I find the ratio of artists to commissioners tends to be astronomical so getting commissions on there can be difficult (I've never used them for that reason, if anyone has and wants to chime in it'd be appreciated!)

You'll need some way to advertise your commissions and organize the information. I use trello, I love that I can have my prices, TOS, examples, queue and finished pieces all in one spot. When you advertise your commissions an image that leads potential customers to your information helps. Some people make an image sheet with their examples and prices and TOS all included but honestly I've found that's more work than it's worth. The less digging customers have to do to find your commissions, the better.

You'll need to know what sort of commissions you want to offer. I see a lot of artists newer to offering commissions offer options for sketched, lined, colored, and shaded pieces that are also split by headshot, half-body, and full-body, so that's already 12 potential commission options, and then throw on options for backgrounds and props and such... less is more. Excessive options can be overwhelming and generally people will gravitate to one end (sketches if they're low on funds) or the other (fully rendered if they really like your work and have the cash). I try to keep it simple, I had my sketch headshots at $10 and lined fullbodies at $50-$70. Finding a "niche" is great! I did psychedelic portrait commissions and that was my best selling commission option for awhile.

As far as pricing goes that is a personal decision with a lot of variables. With digital art material costs are hardly a consideration but time spent making the piece, your skill level, and demand all are. I always start with an estimation of how long it takes me to complete a piece and go from there, I start at $20 an hour because that's how much I need at a full-time job to get by. If I think something will take me about 3 hours that's a $60 commission. Sometimes that does bite me in the butt and I end up spending something like... 16 hours on what I estimated would take me 8. Personally I always just eat the difference because I care more about providing a good experience for my commissioners than getting every penny :P I also charge up-front so it would feel unprofessional to go back and ask for more. Your commission prices should really be more of a rough estimate than a guaranteed quote, subjects can vary greatly in complexity, you don't want to charge the same $50 for a fullbody if some characters can be drawn in 2 hours and others take 6. Personal advice... if you are struggling to sell your art for say at minimum $10 an hour, it is either your skill level or your marketing / visibility. If it's the former, I really recommend stepping away from taking commissions for the time and spending a couple months or so working on developing your art skills. You will thank yourself later!

It's also important to know where your strengths and weaknesses lie. If you struggle with drawing backgrounds it's better to find that out in practice rather than on a commission while you're suffering through trying to figure out how to make rocks look like rocks or incorporate lighting and that sort of thing not that I would know what that's like, haha no wayyy.

You'll need a terms of service and there's a lot of considerations that go into that:

will draw / won't draw (can you draw xyz species? backgrounds? technology? etc)

turnaround time, queues (how long will it take to finish, a week or two months at most? do you finish commissions in a certain order?)

slot limits (how many outstanding commissions will you take at a time? it's important not to bite off more than you can chew)

payment options (how will they send you the money? also, when? up front, 50 now, 50 later?)

refunds (how will you refund if you can't complete a commission? do you offer refunds if requested by the buyer and at what time? if so, are they partial refunds determined by progress completion?)

work in progress images and revisions (do you offer WIPs? at what stages? how many revisions will you make? do you charge for additional revisions?)

usage rights (what will you do with completed commissions? just use as portfolio pieces? what can the buyer do with commissions? can they draw over them, crop and color filter, use as icons, print off, use commercially? if commercial applications is a considerations you need additional terms on that)

contact methods (email, discord, the same platform as posted, etc. how often will you reach out to them?)

anything else you can think of that would be relevant.

Having a public queue is good so people can see how much work you've done on their commission and/or where in line they are.

When working with commissioners it's important to be clear on what they're looking for. Have a character reference if applicable, know a bit about their personality and maybe how they want them depicted. Also things like time frames and resolution might be important.

And social skills is an obvious one. Be corteous and all that. Not much advice I can offer in that area. Be transparent, don't be rude, and you'll probably be fine lol. Overtime, you get practice with some less obvious things like commissioner personality types and vision and are better able to tailor your approach to what works best for the client. Some people just want to see their character in your style, others have a specific vision in mind, that sort of thing.

There are a few other things I can think of like, I really recommend you give yourself a month minimum turnaround time as breathing room for commissions (and if you finish it faster, hooray!), also I generally recommend charging 100% upfront (or something like 50/50 on larger commissions), I could go off on a few different things but that's more personal advice and opinions and this is getting to be a long post already :)

Also, take a look at a few different artists that offer commissions and what their process looks like and go from there!

If you have any more questions don't hesitate to ask and I'd be happy to help ^^

[apprenticestanheight]

Never Again, and Never By Choice - Chainshipping

okay!! two days into july and I'm posting the fic that was supposed to come out in June but didn't bc I also happened to learn how to make hexagon cardigans in june and that pretty much mostly swallowed me whole. I'm taking a break from crocheting, however, until I can find a job and buy loads of yarn ahead of needing to make people christmas gifts and the like, so hopefully this month will genuinely be productive.

Fic type - this is a balance between fluff and hurt/comfort that tilts more in the

Warnings - there are a few mentions of sex and sex related things! Enough are in the fic for me to say that this fic is for an audience of 18+, minors do not interact! Some of (most, if not all) occur in tandem with references to weed, and a lot of the fic deals with weed use, including using weed to self medicate for things like anxiety. There are also depictions of PTSD symptoms and some are talked about in depth or mentioned a few times, like Adams fear of the water being so bad that he can't get himself to shower unless he follows a hyperspecific routine. Adam is v e r y knowledgable about the things he uses to self medicate so there are some specifics about the weed type he usually smokes, and this differs from canon in that gabriela doesn't die and john is at least alive until 2006-ish. strahm also survives, as does lynn, mark, and amanda.

When Amanda rescues Adam from the trap, the initial feelings are confusion and anger. He'd not known it was her until the memory hit him a weeks out from his time in the hospital, and by then, the confusion and the anger had shifted into resentment. Not particularly at his circumstances or at her, but at John Kramer, at life as a whole.

They're stupid things to be angry about, even if one is entirely justified. How he manages to be pissed off at life, at the world, over the actions of another person, mystifies him for a long time.

He keeps his anger at John under wraps even after he's agreed to become one of Johns apprentices, one of Jigsaws disciples. It's boiling, it'll burn you if you touch it and it'll scald you if you dare even think about getting too close, but he lets it dull into a simmer as the years go by.

His anger, his spite, and the money John provides him for the photos he takes are enough to make him let his anger turn into something less than it was initially, and in late December, when he finds himself reeling after taking a photo of a headless body in Mexico, he wonders why he does it.

There's, of course, the obvious answer--each job he does gets him around $500, and the most recent of the lot came for double the price plus the remainder of the cost of Gabrielas plane ticket. The condition was, Adam flew down to Mexico and first talked to Gabriela, tried to convince her to join their mission. When it'd worked, Adam bought her the last available ticket on his flight back to Jersey and was met with $1000 wired to an offshore bank account that Adam would transfer directly to his regular bank a day or two after once again arriving on Jerseys shores.

All in all, taking a few photos and dropping them at the local police station while wearing nondescript clothes, not speaking a word, and shrinking in on himself in a way that made him look like your average Joe to the cameras that were undoubtedly watching had yielded just barely more than $1100.

Thanks to a couple extra sets of hands--namely, Detective Mark Hoffman, Agent Peter Strahm, Amanda Young, Lynn Denlon, and Lawrence fucking Gordon himself--things were quick, and Adam was making a decent amount of money by doing the jobs John had given him every week-ish, if not every three or four days.

John chose the people, Amanda, and Hoffman abducted them, Lynn and Strahm set up the traps, and Lawrence handled the medical side of said traps. Gabriela had started with helping setting traps up initially but had since been the one who recorded the casette tapes of that stupid fucking puppet, and Adam had been the one who took the photos from the beginning.

All in all, Adam didn't totally hate his role in it--it meant, while he'd occasionally brush hairs with Amanda, Hoffman, Strahm or Lynn, he'd never really seen or talked with Lawrence.

He misses Lawrence like hell, if he's being honest with himself, but--it's better they don't talk.

Not until at least a bit of time has passed, even though Adam is a little miffed at the idea of reaching out to Lawrence on the anniversary of one tragedy to be like "hey, old friend! Remember when we spent nine hours in a bathroom together, right before you sawed off your own foot and crawled away, leaving me for dead? Amanda stole my shirt from evidence and even though I've washed it, the bloody handprint you left stained the shirt and I entirely lack the heart to put some peroxide or bleach to an otherwise perfectly good piece of clothing." Which would, in the process, be a direct reminder of another.

He doesn't see Lawrence, and he only acknowledges that he misses him on the nights he chooses to be honest with himself or the days wherein he chooses the same.

Adam just--he does what John needs him to do. He takes the money John gives him after a job, makes sure he has enough to make the rent of the crappy apartment he lives in, and he makes sure he has groceries that will feed him and keep him full.

Gabriela occasionally tags along on the jobs, and all that to say brings him to the very beginning of September 2005. It's the first day of the month, Gabriela has decided to tag along because she's finished setting up the traps for the insurance broker they're going to put through the ringer after the traps have been tested a few times, and she's keeping Adam company because she's one of the four or five people he talks to in his day-to-day, and she's apparently worried.

She's talking about how Lynn needed her to help because Strahm had been busy with Mark cleaning up the messes that they, as the apprentices, left behind. Adam is zoning in and out as he snaps one photo after the next, all of which pertain to the crime scene and all of which will be dropped off at the nearest police precinct once they've developed fully.

He knows he has to visit John today, too--John wants to have a chat, apparently. He's having these little chats with everyone, which is something Adam picks up from Gabriela at a point in their interactions when he's zoned in. He'd started with Amanda, then went to Lawrence, then to Strahm and Lynn and then to Gabriela. She'd joked he was saving the best for last and skipping the worst, like a parent refusing to acknowledge the child they'd silently disowned.

It's when she brings up Lawrence that he brightens up like a goddamned Christmas tree--his ears and cheeks go lightly pink with embarrassment as soon as he's registered the way that his head snaps up when his name falls off her lips.

"Amanda and Lynn were talking about it," she says when she notices his face. "Lynn joked that the two of you needed couples therapy. You two haven't talked since Lawrence left you, and--Amanda thinks it's killing you piece by piece. She's right, isn't she?"

Gabriela is only ten months younger than he is, and while he appreciates having an apprentice in their little group who's about as close in age to him as she can get, it's not always the best thing for his mental health.

"You too?" He asks. "And I thought hearing it from Amanda, Lynn, Hoffman, and Strahm every other damn day was bad enough. Now you're in on it?"

He takes the last photo and pivots on his feet, heading for the exit as Gabriela laughs.

"You two do have something weird going on," she says.

"How can we?" Adam rebuts. "It's been four years, almost, and we haven't spoken at all."

"Thats what it is," Gabriela responds. "It's that--you care about him, clearly, or at least enough to think of him once every week. Lawrence, though, he does care, too. He's apparently more vocal about his caring than you are, but Amanda says he's always been the more open type. She says he's "less apt to have reservations about the people he works with, and he lets his feelings just exist in the open.""

Adam laughs. "That sounds nothing like him," he wonders, for a minute, if he really has the authority to say something like that. He hasn't talked to Lawrence in four years just about, even if he has thought about him multiple times a day, every single day, since they last spoke.

"Well--Amanda wanted me to tell you his new phone number is in the phone book," she says. "If you wanna give him a call, maybe give him a few minutes of your time to ease both your mind and his."

Adam shakes his head. "You headin' back around to your hotel? I gotta pay John a visit and then get these photos printed and developed. How much longer til you get to head back to your place?"

"The hotel stay is for the next two days, while they clear the infestation out of the units. I'm gonna grab some food and then go to the hotel, all this walking has made me hungry."

Adam snorts. "You need a ride? Your hotel is like, ten minutes east of Johns place."

She shakes her head, but hugs him anyway. "Thank you," she says. "But I'm gonna walk the way to the restaurant, build up more of an appetite and then get something good for supper."

He hugs her back, lets himself acknowledge just how much he's needed her friendship these past few years. She's kept him sane for a good bit, and without her, he's half sure he'd have killed himself by now.

They go their separate ways, Adam going to his car and heading to Johns while Gabriela went to grab food and then go home.

Johns place is also, coincidentally, Amandas place. He's living in her apartment and she's taking care of him in the last of his days. Adam suspects Johns not got long left, and he knows that this visit could very well be their last.

John is, surprisingly, well enough to be sat up in his wheelchair. He's got a black jumper on that looks to be a few sizes too big, and what of his hair remains has gone completely white. His eyes are pale, his skin the same color, and generally, John looks like what he is, someone fast-tracking it on the highway to hell.

"I thought it important to have you here to discuss this arrangement," John says. He invites Adam further into the room--he's leaned against the door, while John is sat by his desk and in front of the window, curtains open to a surprisingly sunny day while Jersey rides out the coattails of summer.

Adam steps in, walking until he can sit in the desk chair to Johns left. John tells him to do so, and he does.

"You and I have an arrangement that allows you to be given a certain amount of money for every job you do," he says. "If you weren't lying to me when you told me the time you'd handle doing said job today, you should've just arrived from having finished up there. I have arranged through the correct, most trusted of my channels to ensure that our arrangement can continue for half a decade, at minimum, after my passing, on one condition."

Adam has the decency to fight his grimace, even though he loses.

"Don't worry, Adam," he says. "It doesn't mean you'll be getting any more involved with things than you already are. It, actually, pertains to your trap-mate, Lawrence Gordon."

Adam shakes his head. "Whatever it is, I can always find something different to do other than what I've been doing."

"Adam, I'm not asking for much," John says in that diplomatic tone that used to make Adam punch-a-hole-in-the-wall type angry. It's eased into a scream-into-a-forest level anger, though not by too much as the years have passed them both by. "Just--call him. It's been four years since, almost. Amanda and I have tried time and time again, but he's convinced we're as deluded as he is. He thinks you're dead."

"Almost was," Adam says before he can stop himself. "I mean--could you not have sent Amanda in before I'd been stuck in the dark for a week?"

"We're all entitled to our mistakes from time to time," John shrugs. Adam has the brain to hate that remark--people who've dared make mistakes in his line of sight, even ones so minimal as smoking a cigarette while leaned against an alley wall, have died or been severely maimed for it, but John gives himself the courtesy to make a mistake like it's nothing. Typical. "Call him. I have no method of verifying that you'll have called by the end of my life, but if you lie to Amanda, she'll know and she'll tell me you lied to her."

Adam purses his lips. Of course Amanda would know he's not the greatest liar.

"I'll call," Adam resents how quick he is to give in, but he needs the money. That money has his rent paid off in full within the first two weeks of the month because of how frequently traps are coming and going, how many new victims John has within a week despite only having maybe a hundred survivors in total, less than 1/3rd of that group willing to tell their tales.

John smiles knowingly. "I know you will," he says. "Have you yet moved out of your apartment? The one with the cockroaches?"

Adam sighs. "Workin' on that," he says. "My buddys gonna let me sublet his place starting on the one year anniversary of the trap, he's moving down to LA so that he can try to legitimise his band or something like that--I'm assuming I won't be put back in chains for admitting I hadn't really listened when he offered to sublet his 1000 a month apartment for less than half the cost."

John shakes his head. "You have a good rest of your day, Adam," he says. "The payment for todays job will get to you by the end of this week."

Adam gets up, leaves the apartment and drives back home. One part of him wants to shower the odd feeling off of himself as he gets into his car, but he knows he can't do that without having a breakdown. It's been four fucking years of not being able to do it without losing his mind, why would it be any different that time around?

--

A few days later, the night before the four year anniversary of their trap, Adam calls. Lawrence picks up on the second ring. "Hello?"

"Hey," Adam greets tiredly. It's seven and he's prepping a bowl so that he can smoke, jerk off til the memories blur and it's Lawrence he's thinking about, then eat half of the oreos in the sleeve he'd picked up from the convenience and conk out at around 10:30 only to wake up, still high but reeling from a nightmare at around two in the morning. "Uh--this is Adam Stanheight. I found your number in the phone book."

"Adam," Lawrences voice sounds relieved. Incredibly so. "Hi. It's been a bit."

"Four years, thereabouts," he says. "Look--I was thinking, maybe we could grab dinner or something? I've gotta move into my new place tomorrow and get that stuff sorted, but if you want, there's a couple good spots around ten minutes out from it by foot."

"Yeah," Lawrence nods. "Tomorrow works--give me a place and I'll meet you there for eight?"

"I was thinking Lilahs--it's a great, sit-down style restaurant that has deals on most of their menu all the time. My mom knows the owner and I've eaten there a few times, it's really good food. I dunno if you drive, but I can pick you up if you need me to."

"I drive," Lawrence says. "Lilahs?"

"Lilahs Diner," Adam nods. "Yeah. I'll see you tomorrow, at eight?"

"You most certainly will."

Adam licks his lips, finishes prepping his bowl and scrounges around his jeans pocket until he finds the lighter as he waits for Lawrence to speak again.

"Adam, are you still there?"

"Don't tell me you've got more to say?" He wants Lawrence to have more to say, but the sarcasm is easier than not these days. "Go ahead, if you do. Spit it out."

Lawrence laughs, and Adam swallows thickly--it sounds like it comes out easy, like he's laughed so much and found so much joy in things since their trap that none of it is difficult for him anymore.

"It just--it's really good to hear your voice, is all. I've missed it, and I've missed you."

"Damn you, Lawrence," he laughs dryly. "It's seven o'clock on a Saturday night and I'm trying to prep a bowl, but you and your sentimental ass are gonna make me cry where I stand in this kitchen."

"Well, I can't help it," Lawrence answers simply. "I'm a sentimental ass from time to time. Are you helping John still? I hear whispers about it from Amanda on occasion."

Adam snorts. "Yeah, lets not talk about that on the phone. I'll have to smoke two bowls if we do, and even though I'm going to have to smoke two anyway, I'd really rather space them out by at least six hours so that I have time for the first high to wear off."

Lawrence laughs again. Adam has a terrifying moment, a terrifying thought, that he could drown in the sound of it and die happily in the process.

"All right," Lawrence says. "Tomorrow night. Lilahs Diner. Eight on the dot."

Adam nods. "Tomorrow night, Lilahs, eight," he says. "Goodbye, Lawrence."

He hangs up before Lawrence has the chance to respond, grabs his bowl and his lighter and heads out onto his fire escape.

He smokes, jerks off until the memories blur and all he can think about is how Lawrences hands would feel draped against his hips, holding them loosely, and falls asleep for half past midnight, after he's eaten the entire oreo sleeve and somehow managed to cook a frozen pizza successfully and subsequently, eaten it in it's entirety.

-

For the first time in four years, Adam wakes up after getting eight hours of sleep, which does mean eight hours of nightmares, but he decides he's fine with it as he brushes his teeth, narrowly avoiding getting his hands wet because the fear of water is at it's worst when he's fresh off of a night like that one.

He spends his morning getting what little of his life he didn't donate or take to the dump into his car, putting the total of four boxes and two heavy weight garbage bags worth of clothes into the backseat of his car and the trunk.

His mother gives him the couch his father had hated and Scotts left behind a tv, coffee table, rocking chair and all of his bedroom furniture because they weren't his taste, so all Adam has to do is change the sheets on the mattress to his own and wash and donate the other ones.

All in all, Adam is getting way more than he deserves out of that apartment even though he knows Scott probably thinks he'll sell most of it. He has no plans to sell most of it, though, and it's a hell of a lot more than he'd thought he'd be getting for a two bedroom priced at $350 a month.

He runs his only decent pair of black jeans and an appropriately casual button down through the wash once he figures out how the washer works, spends most of his day outside of that tidying up, unpacking the four boxes he'd brought along and making lists of things to grab in the coming weeks.

The list is mostly menial stuff--a few new pots and pans because the last set he'd owned had been older than he was, a few more mugs to compensate for just how lonely the Nespresso Scott had left behind looked sitting on the counter, some new bedding and a few books to fill up the bookshelves Scott had left either half empty or completely bare bones.

Come half-six, Adam goes through the motions of showering--it's a whole step-by-step process he's created over the years, a tried and true method that's been perfected as the time has gone on, though not always successful in the avoiding-a-breakdown part. He's out of the shower for around 7:20, spends the next twenty minutes taking a 1mg edible and waiting for it to kick in.

One milligram is so menial that it almost does nothing, except it does have it's pros--it takes just enough of the edge off for Adam to not loathe social interaction and for him to feel comfortable enough in his skin to not want to crawl out of it at the smallest inconvenience.

It takes the edge off in a way that makes him certain he'll be as close to normal as he was five years beforehand, a little standoffish and more than a little sarcastic, but well meaning and well mannered enough considering his traumas.

He leaves the house at 7:45 and is at Lilahs with five minutes still to spare.

Lilahs is exactly what it sounds like--a family owned, sit-down style restaurant. It caters to the lower-budget families and individuals in the broader Jersey area, and it's been Adams favorite spot to eat since it initially opened when he was sixteen.

It's got a rustic kind of feel to it--the hardwood flooring has been washed to a dark but-not-yet-black kind of brown colour, and the tables and seats match. There's local artwork hung up on the walls, a jukebox that feels so nineties it hurts and has exclusively 90s country and rock to match, and a bar at the back with a smiling bartender behind it.

Adam has a second where he remembers the last happy memory he has with his mother, her taking him to eat dinner there the night before he was kicked out by his father at seventeen.

The memory is quickly soured by the bitterness he'd felt the next day, grabbing everything he could fit into his backpack while his father screamed at him and his mother stood by his door, her arms crossed over her chest and a scowl on her face. His father was a shit person, but his mother wasn't the greatest either, even if it's tough to remember as much when there are more positive memories than not. He's low-contact with her now too, something he's only been able to find peace with since she told him of her divorcing her father and mellowing out of her bitterness at him in the past little while.

Everything changes when he spots Lawrence, though--he's sat in a booth near the back, and he looks so good that Adam bounce\s between gobsmacked and jealous like he's sitting on alternating ends of a see-saw depending on the second.

His hair, though less blonde, has grown out just enough to be attractive to a point where Adam, dimly, feels woozy. He's cleaned up good--no stubble lines his face, though Adam knows he'd still be able to pull it off some-fucking-how, and he's dressed as close to casual as a person like him can get.

He's wearing a white button down with the top few buttons unbuttoned just enough to let his neck breathe, and the sleeves have been rolled up relaxedly to his elbows. He hasn't seen Adam yet, and Adam takes in what appears to be a mostly peaceful expression.

Adam makes his way over and slides into the seat across from him, smiling gently. "Hi," he greets.

Lawrences face breaks out into a grin. Adam wishes he'd agreed to meet with Lawrence four years earlier.

"Hello," he greets. "Been a while."

Adam nods. "Too long," he doesn't mean to say it, but it slips out, and fuck it if it isn't how he feels. "I'm sorry--I wanted to reach out, and I've been wanting to reach out for the last four years, but it was just too much. I couldn't deal with it at first. I still have trouble dealing with it."

There's the edible--making him a bit honest, a bit more willing to open up. He knows Lawrence won't pry too much, but is scared that, if he does, Adam will soften up like butter and say everything on his mind. The good, the bad, and the ugly all the same.

Lawrence shakes his head. "You don't owe me an apology," he says. "But--Amanda told me how long you'd been left to rot for, and I'm sorry about that. Nobody should ever be left in the dark that long." It was a week, but it'd felt like a year.

"You didn't leave me in the dark," Adam responds. "John did that, and he pays me so I think he's exempt from feeling guilt-- he probably thinks he is, too."

It makes Lawrence laugh, and Adams heart flutters in a way he chooses to ignore.

"So how've you been?" Adam asks, finally getting to a question that's at least a little easier to answer, a topic that doesn't hurt nearly as much to talk about.

"I've been good," Lawrence responds. "Things have been finalized for a bit, and I see my daughter two weekends a month and on holidays. I've had time to sort my shit out, start in therapy, and I like where things are in my life. You?"

Adam blinks--the last four years of his life have been shit.

"I've--it's--damn it, Lawrence," he laughs. "You sound so put together compared to me. I hit thirty next month and still, my life is shit. I just moved into a new apartment and therapy hasn't even been on my radar because I don't have insurance."

"I've been doing EMDR," Lawrence says. "It's designed to help you recover from trauma, and--I hate to say it because I was skeptical at first, but it's been a really big help."

Adam nods. "I'll keep that option on my radar," he says.

It's at this point that a waitress comes around, passes them menus and brings their odd small talk to a halt.

There comes a point, while they're looking at the menus, wherein Adam starts up with something sarcastic about John. In the end, he's glad for it because making the remark is like breaking a dam and watching the floodgates open, because that's all it takes for them to be like they were in the bathroom--Adam being sarcastic and Lawrence responding in kin.

The rest of the dinner follows that same formula. Adam is quick to settle into an almost abrasive kind of sarcasm and Lawrence is quick to respond in a way that makes Adams heart damn near rise out of his chest.

They're done with dinner at half past nine, and Lawrence offers to drive Adam home but Adam declines, wants to walk himself home so that he can conk out without thinking too much about Lawrence or how the dinner had gone.

And that he does--he gets home for quarter to ten, is out by ten thirty thanks to the edible finally doing what it does best.

-

A few days go by, and suddenly, it's the end of the week. Lawrence is spending the night at Adams because Adam has convinced him to smoke a joint with him, and Adam is thrilled by the prospect of seeing Lawrence stoned out of his mind.

"These joints are indica dominant," Adam explains. "They'll make you tired--they're like a superpowered melatonin, almost, if melatonin got you so stoned that you genuinely stopped believing time was real. These bad boys help me with nightmares more often than sativa. I'm not usually one for joints, but I figure this is either your first time ever indulging in weed or your first time in more than a decade, so joints would be easiest."

Lawrence smiles in a way that Adam can tell indicates Lawrence didn't expect him to be so knowledgeable about his self medication of choice, and the notion almost makes him laugh.

"A joint also takes longer to smoke, and edibles are torturous if getting high right out the gate is your game," Adam continues. "Edibles take anywhere from fifteen minutes to half an hour before they've kicked in, and I hate the waiting game unless i'm walking somewhere or have something to do. It makes me antsy, and then when the high does hit it doesn't flow naturally. For me, taking an edible without having something to do between here and there is one of the most frustrating things I've ever dealt with because the high just--it smacks me across the face when I've got nothing to do, nowhere to go, and am just sitting in front of my TV waiting."

Lawrence says nothing. Adam continues rolling the joint and rambles all the while.

"Joints, though? I don't really find they hit while I'm smoking 'em, but the second I step off the fire escape and come inside, they hit me whip quick. Bowls tend to have the same effect, but unlike bowls, joints keep me asleep longer. I haven't gotten a full eight hours of sleep without a full eight hours of nightmares in four years, but with a joint, I can sometimes nab eight hours and get two without nightmares when I get lucky."

They head out onto the fire escape, and Adam takes the first puff for the sake of mercy. When Lawrence takes the second, he coughs. Adam laughs, rubs his back and moves to sit with his back leaned against the rickety railing, across from Lawrence, who sits with his back leaned against the window that leads to the fire escape.

"Coughing happens," he says. "And the burn in your throat sucks, but I'll get you some water once we've smoked our way through the joint, and it'll help."

They smoke the joint in it's entirety, which ends with Adam laughing when he burns his fingers taking the last puff. However, Lawrence makes no move to go inside, just stares at the bleary mid-Septembers night sky with his mouth slightly open and his shoulders slumped.

"What's on your mind?" Adam asks.

"When John goes, do you think you're going to keep up with it?"

"I'll keep taking the photos until I either get caught or the money runs out," Adam says. "I've barely started to get my life together and I'm almost thirty, Larry. Unethical as this all might be, I've gotta pay rent for the next few years, and while I've been looking at getting my GED and going to college, college will put me so far in debt that I'm somewhat scared I won't be able to climb out of it."

"But don't you hate it?" Lawrence asks, meeting Adams gaze. His eyes meet Adams with a ferocity, the likes of which Adam has never seen in his life, but craves more of like it's one of the cigarettes he used to hold so dear. "I don't understand how you don't hate any of this."

Adam laughs before he can stop himself, crab-walks closer to Lawrence and rests his feet against Lawrences calves.

"I do," he says. "I hate John, I hate what he does and everything he's stood for since his diagnosis and quite possibly even beforehand, but--it's a job. I hated the stalking, but I still did it because I needed the money. This, for me, is no different. One payment every week-ish, I make rent in half the time it would've taken me to make it this time five years ago, and I still have money for groceries and other expenses. I hate it, but this is the first time I've lived in true comfort since I was a kid with a father that hadn't started hating me yet. I take it where I can get it, Lawrence."

"A person starved will eat anything," Lawrence says. "You've finally gotten a taste of luxury--"

"It's not luxurious by any means," Adam laughs. "Sorry to cut you off, but I've never lived like that. I went from a home with termites and a father owned by his bitterness to a variety of cockroach infested couches, then to an apartment so full of the fuckers you could hear them running through the goddamned walls. This place is the first decent place I've lived in throughout the course of my entire life, and yeah, the buddy whose subletting it to me left a lot of his shit behind, but he's an asshole without much care for me unless I can be of use to him, so it seems a fair trade to me."

Scott was his best friend for a time, had been such since elementary through to when he dropped out of high school and up until the trap. After Adam had escaped, he'd become so riddled by his trauma that it took him over, practically, for those first two years.

Scott had decided he'd not much wanted to deal with all of Adams baggage and had gone pretty low contact up until he'd decided to move, figuring Adam could use his old place after being stuck in the same apartment he'd been taken from.

It'd been one of the only things Scott had been completely and totally right about on a very short list of other victories, and Adam had been grateful for it from the get-go despite knowing his and Scotts conversations wouldn't likely be about more than the rent or random issues with the apartment he couldn't fix on his own, seeing as Scott was pretty much his landlord.

"Well--it's a nice place," Lawrence says.

"Yeah," Adam shrugs. "Back to the topic at hand, why ask? Are you not going to keep up with it? Keep doing it? I thought you'd believed in Johns mission."

Lawrence laughs. "It's complicated," he says. "I mean--the idea of it is understandable, I guess. The morals are questionable at best and despicable at worst, but I just don't know how ethical the execution is."

Adam moves further up, resting his feet against Lawrences thighs while making sure to not put his full weight on Lawrences right leg for the fear of irritating the stump one way or another.

"We get stoned and wind up talkin' about John Kramers ethics, hm? That's quite the interesting turn of events."

Lawrence shrugs. "I'm not going to have this conversation with anyone except for someone I can trust completely," his hands rest limply by Adams calves. Adam can tell by the flash of desire through Lawrences eyes that he wants to tug Adam closer.

Adam gets as close as he thinks Lawrence will be comfortable with--he sits in his lap, bends his knees and plants his feet by Lawrences hips. Lawrence seems entirely too happy to use Adams kneecaps as elbow rests, and he does.

"First off, you sayin' you trust me completely like that is--woah," Adam laughs before he can stop himself. As he laughs, he lets his arms find their resting places on Lawrences broad shoulders. "And secondly, I don't think the execution is ethical whatsoever. Matter of fact, if we're talkin' about how ethical this stuff is, it's the opposite. It's not ethical. I heard Amanda talking about putting a diabetic and a smoker in a trap last weekend. I wouldn't do that to a person just because they smoke cigarettes, but that's just me. To each their own, I guess."

Lawrence smiles. "I've been thinking about this for so long," he says. "Not--not this specifically, but just--oh my God. I've missed you a lot this past little bit."

Adam has to fight every single urge he has to kiss Lawrence. "I've wanted to reach out since I was rescued," he says. "Just couldn't. I couldn't pinpoint why for the longest time, but I realized the night I reached out, over the phone."

Lawrence nods. "I remember," he says. "When we agreed to meet for dinner."

Adam licks his lips, lets his gaze move to Lawrences.

"I realized that that day--hell, the time from the moment I woke up in that bathtub to the moment I was released from the hospital--felt like an open wound. That time of my life has felt like an open wound every single day since I left the hospital, every single day since John asked me to join his cause, and I couldn't bear messing with it. I just wanted to leave it to fester or to heal, deal with the implications until it did on it's own, but that's just not how things like this are meant to be handled," Adam says. "I'm gonna get myself into DSME--"

"EMDR," Lawrence corrects. "Eye movement desensitisation and reprocessing."

"I'm gonna look into that," Adam says. "And--I'm gonna keep doing this. Keep talking to you, keep buggin' you whenever I can because it's the only way. I can't do this recovery shit alone, and it's been four years of trying and then failing and then trying again, and I'm sick of it."

Lawrence smiles softly. Adam gives into the urge to press his forehead against Lawrences, lets his hands go to Lawrences neck.

"All that I ask is this," Adam whispers. "Promise me you won't go anywhere?"

Lawrence licks his lips. Adam can feel Lawrences breathing against his mouth, is so close that he can almost taste what it'd feel like to have Lawrences lips against his own.

"I promise," he says. "I'm not going anywhere, okay? I'm not going to abandon you like that. Never again, and never by choice."

Adam doesn't know if it's the weed, or the exhaustion, or his own, unadulterated, unfiltered stupidity, but he leans in.

"Tell me if I'm reading this wrong," he whispers, praying to God that he's not.

"You're reading this just fine," Lawrence says.

Then his lips are against Adams, and Adam is so awestruck by it that he almost feels like he's flying. It's the best kiss he's ever had in his life, a statement he can make knowing damn good and well that it's not the weed talking but rather the way that Lawrences lips feel against his own, the sureness of his hands as they find Adams hips and the way he reacts when Adams hands instinctively trail right up Lawrences neck and into his gorgeous hair.

They don't pull away until they're breathless, and Adam wants more but knows better than to be greedy.

Lawrence chortles. "How long have you been wanting to do that?"

"Since I walked into the dinner, lightly stoned, and saw you in that white button up," Adam laughs, presses his forehead against Lawrences shoulder. "Oh, my God. You looked so good in that, y'know? Almost lost it. You looked so good it made me woozy."

"That might've been the weed," Lawrence says. "How much did you take?"

"Only one milligram," Adam responds. "Enough to soften me up a little, like when you set butter out on the counter for an hour or two when you're planning to bake and need the butter not to be as hard as a rock."

Lawrence laughs. Adam presses himself as close as he can get, cherishes the feeling of being that close after so long spent being literal miles apart in physicality but feeling an ocean apart in every other aspect.

Time passes. They sit outside, practically moulded together, and in silence. Adam catches himself zoning out just before he starts to doze, wonders briefly if they kept themselves that way until they starved to death, if he'd die happy to have been in Lawrences arms. As he thinks further on it, he realizes he would've died happily in the bathroom that day, if in a little bit of pain, if Lawrence had stayed and died with him.

"I think I'm in love with you," Lawrence whispers. "You're not the only one at fault for us not seeing each other sooner, and I think I was scared to admit it, but I know now that that's the reason why."

Adam smiles. "I love you too," he whispers back. "C'mon--inside. I'm tired, but I am not going to fall asleep with you on my fire escape."

He gets himself out of Lawrences lap and heads back in, Lawrence hot on his heels.

Adam strips, changes into a baggy pair of sweatpants and leaves himself without a shirt. Lawrence changes into a pair of basketball shorts and leaves the button-up he's wearing unbuttoned, and after Adam gawks at the view for a good few minutes, they cuddle up in bed together.

In the end, Adam sleeps for a solid fourteen hours, and for the first time in ages, he doesn't have any nightmares. Part of him thinks it's the high and another part of him thinks it's because of Lawrence, but he chooses, at the end of the day, to believe that it's both.

[libraford]

hi - I'm learning more about photography and have been reading your stories about your photography journey. Do you have a beginner DSLR you could recommend? I'm looking for something with fewer frills -- like I don't need 4k video or wifi features. I just want to learn about manual camera settings. I'm used to taking pics on an iPhone where it's harder to manually control things.

I'm also curious what kind of camera you are currently using!

thanks for your help :)

So I started on a Canon Rebel 5 that I got at a garage sale and I loved that thing. When someone stole her out of my car, I bought the Rebel ti6. I was happy with her until I took her to a wedding and found out she had some... limitations when it came to ISO. My current model is a Canon Mark ii 70d and I like her very much even though shes an older model. Our work cameras are Canon EOS.

As you can tell, I like Canons. They're very similar to what it was like to work with physical film (which is the process that I learned on 20 years ago) and the controls are pretty easy to learn once you get a handle on them.

You can get a pretty good Rebel at a decent price these days- they are kind of like babys first dslr.

I say this as someone who hasnt really delved into other brands- I just know what I like. If someone in the Nikon, Sony, or Fujifilm house wants to chime in, feel free.

[tubbytarchia]

Someone asked for other reasons I hate Estonia but there's a lot so I'm making it into a post instead lol

TLDR: very conservative (eg homophobic), expensive living rates and low pay, we get no good stuff, estonians are rude, russians in estonia are rude, domestic abuse rates, estonia is a lame country

I am not claiming that these are exclusive to Estonia, please fuck off if you think that makes my complaints invalid

Estonians are piss conservative (so majorly transphobic, homophobic, anti-abortion etc) (Also racist)

Estonians are fucking rude. There is extremely little common decency like respect for the elderly and junk. Estonians are so quirky because they're so introverted (Estonians very frequently describe Estonians as such) (and often easily aggravated) and then they're SOO introverted that they refuse to even help others. It's not a norm to tip ANYONE or thank workers like bus drivers. I sprained my knee at a store entrance and that shit hurts so I had to keel over for awhile, and yet I felt like I was being a bother by not getting out of the way enough for all the people who couldn't care less. I have so many personal examples but I'll give you my best: My pregnant sister passed out in the middle of a major grocery store only for NO ONE to call for an ambulance until she came to and had to do so herself.

Something I barely ever hear anyone talk about!!! But domestic abuse!! Casual domestic abuse is so normalized that no one ever says anything, a survey from a few years ago found that 1 in 6 Estonians are sexually abused in childhood alone. A survey from this year found that 41% of the women questioned experienced domestic abuse at the hands of their partner. I cannot understate how big of a problem it is that victims just DON'T TALK (and that's not their fault!!!! It's the country's!!!)

About 25% of our population is Russian, and I would not complain about this if 1. Russians living here weren't massive assholes a lot of the time, expecting everyone to speak Russian instead of them learning Estonian or just being fucking respectful (DISCALIMER MY EXPERIENCE AND WHAT I'VE HEARD FROM OTHERS and junk, I'm not generalizing everyone, is this really a racist comment? I seriously do have wayyy more negative experiences with Russians than pleasant, that doesn't mean there aren't decent or nice Russians living here) and 2. if Estonia DIDN'T ENFORCE Russian. I get it, the Russian occupation and whatever shit! But these days you can't even become a good paying DOCTOR with a doctor's degree if you don't also speak Russian

Minimum wage WAS recently increased but the increase was to 4.60USD. While Americans get 7.25USD and I've heard you can get paid like 10USD as a fast food worker too which is crazy to me. Not in Estonia you fucking can't. Wages in general are pretty piss poor and it's often more affordable to just work overseas

Estonia is quaint which is also a plus but to me mostly a minus because I feel so stuck here. Non-Estonians are like "but you have a lot of forests!" like lmao that's the highest possible praise that Estonia can be given. It is incredibly boring here and our highest "mountain" is 318m

The cities are boring. I feel that only two places here can even be called cities, the rest are more like big towns. The capital has some very cool and pretty places but that's about it (ofc Estonia has many cool and pretty locations but compared to other countries? Ughh. Barely any skyscrapers, not many elevated roads or tunnels... all that good stuff)

Our prices are set to become the most expensive in all of Europe!! Local prices have already in some cases doubled in the last year and continue to increase almost monthly, set to increase by another 20% at the start of 2024 lmaoo

Not many big brands. We get some fast food places but no Wendy's or Starbucks or whatever. Nobody wants to invest here, we got Subway recently and they left not even a year later

Not much geek stuff. Estonia has 2 anime stores TOTAL. 4 proper card game stores TOTAL. I'm frankly amazed we even get a singular convention, but we have absolutely no locals. Stores have started selling stuff like Pokemon toys very recently. Even in Finland (overseas neighbor), Pokemon/Digimon/Yugioh was everywhere. And here? Lmao no not ever. Not even ANY school clubs or anything. We get choirs and that's it

Shipping is abysmal. It costs like 10 bucks to send most stuff from Estonia to ANYWHERE in the world, yet it almost exclusively costs 30-50 bucks to ship anything from the US. And shipping fees from even the UK aren't very good either. (Which, again, abysmal accessibility to geek stuff, because people barely ever sell anything in Europe internationally. Mostly US and UK people do, esp because they are the only ones who get any cool stuff)

Local production is expensive as shit because there's little choices because we're still a tiny country. Ofc having your stuff produced in China is always cheaper but then you also gotta wait 3 months for shipping!! Unless you wanna pay 50EUR+ for it of course

Very strict gun laws so I can't go and buy a gun to off myself from this miserable country

[gamerwoo]

selling albums & a lightstick!! :)

hi friends!! i’m currently looking to sell some albums that i don’t want anymore, as well as a lightstick. for the most part, i'm just looking to sell for what i bought it for or a little less if some/all of the extras are missing. these albums were basically looked through once and then put on a shelf, so they're in decent condition, just a little dusty

below the cut is more info, pricing, and shipping at the bottom, as well as a link to my depop if you'd prefer to buy through there!!

(pls reblog to spread, i really need to make some extra money for travel in a few months!!)

exo lightstick -- SOLD

i bought it firsthand but it was on sale because the box was damaged (hence the stains. they were there when i bought it and the box doesn't close). i only put batteries in it once when i got it to see if it worked, but took them out immediately after. other than that, it's never been used so i'm just looking for the discounted price i got it at (it also still has the stickers it comes with!!)

sf9 rpm album -- $15 + shipping

photobook & cd

zuho id card

zuho photocard

jooyeon photocard

zuho poster

missing group poster

bts the most beautiful moment in life: young forever album -- $7 + shipping

photobook & cd

missing all extras

exo the war: the power of music album -- $15 + shipping

cd

xiumin photocard

there's so many loose items in this album box but i'm pretty sure everything is there. just in case, i'm asking for a little less than i paid for it

ateez treasure ep. 2: zero to one -- SOLD

photobook & cd

hongjoong photocard

group photocard

poster

calendar

stickers

nct 127 cherry bomb album -- SOLD

photobook & cd

missing all extras

monsta x take.1 are you there album -- $20 + shipping

photobook & cd

minhyuk photocard

shownu photocard

jooheon, wonho & shownu unit photocard

group photocard

shownu polaroid

group photo

i can't remember if it came with a poster or not but just in case i'm asking for lower than what i paid

monsta x shine forever album repackage -- $25 + shipping

bought secondhand

photobook & cd

jooheon cd

missing extras (that's how it came)

signed by wonho

since i got this secondhand, it is a little beat up and the sticker on the packaging is ripped so it doesn't close

shipping info!!

shipping is not covered by me!

shipping within the united states will be roughly about ~$5-$10

i would like to only ship within the united states, but i'm willing to ship internationally. i won't be paying for shipping, and shipping internationally is really expensive, especially since i'm shipping independently (in some cases, it's more expensive than the items themselves) so i feel bad making someone pay a ton for shipping. if you're outside of the u.s. and are still interested in buying something including the cost of shipping, you're more than welcome to reach out and i can estimate how much the shipping cost will be!

here's my depop where everything above is listed!

otherwise, payments will be through paypal! i will need to ask for your full name as well as your address, so you'll have to be comfy with that!! if you're interested, please dm me! and if you have any questions, feel free to send an ask or a dm!! 💛

[sylviegunpla]

Plamo?: Bandai Shokugan 66 Action Dash: Mega Man 2

This is a series of mini-figures that i think were sold in blind boxes, maybe? I think i still have the boxes, they might have been labeled; but when i bought them, it was as a set of all five off of the shopping website i won't name here. They're not full model kits, mostly poseable mini figures with some changeable parts. But those extra parts come on tiny runners, so maybe that counts for something? lmao. But they all came pre-painted, which they did a pretty decent job on. it's nothing spectacular, but probably worth the price you'd pay in Japan (I actually didn't check the MSRP on these because i assumed i was getting them at a markup) The reason i ordered this set is because they came with Vile and X figures, which are compatible with the Super Minipla line of Ride Armor's from Mega Man X (which will be a separate entry on this blog)

CUT MAN:

This CutMan figurine is pretty nice. As you can see these are eminently poseable, but they're also a little fragile. Still, once you get them into a decent position they tend to stay. The Rolling Cutter actually has a good friction fit in his right hand. SUPER MEGA MAN:

I love this boy. As a kid i had (and still have actually) a pencil topper of Super Mega Man. I love this little figurine doing the rocket punch from the games that have this feature. Gotta point out the paint jobs on these are pretty okay. Not like super refined but they're definitely charming and great. GEO STELLAR / MEGA MAN STAR FORCE??:

I admit, i don't know much about this particular subseries. I tried to play the first star force once, but couldn't get into it. nonetheless, he came with the set, so here he is, posing for you! MEGA MAN X:

Okay so this and the next figure are the primary reasons i got this set. As you can see, it comes with swappable pieces that allow him to pilot the Ride Armor Super Minipla kits. Not going in depth on these here, but here you can see the "painted" (with gundam markers) job i did in 2020 when i went full hog into Plamo. I believe the silver used was a metallic silver gundam marker, GM177 to be exact. It was very stinky!! A strong, acrid smell. Anyway, I'm currently working on repaints of the Chimera kit to recreate game-accurate-ish versions of the Hawk and Kangaroo Armor. Actually, here's a sneak peak of that:

Anywho, that's all for another post. The last guy left is..

VILE:

You know him as the devilish rival to X. You can see the minifig has a magazine for his vulcan coming from his backpack. The minifig is nice, though the only customization he has is the hands gripping the steering stick. Or you can make them look like he's laughing maniacally. Either way. Maybe the back of his head could use some panel lining and painting? but i don't feel like trying that over a pre-painted surface. Not sure why the joints seem to be splitting at the seams. Could be a good reason to revisit this model one day with sprue glue or some such. I usually keep these guys displayed diorama style in my light cabinet on the megamans shelf:

I know they've never actually faced off in their ride armors before. In my defense, toys are for making cool scenes so i will do just that with them. Anyway in conclusion, I really like Mega Man and have since i was a child, thank you for coming to my TED Talk. Here's the stats for this set (and yes some of the spare parts for these figs came on sprue)

Not super wasteful on the consumer side of the plastic equation.

[freaky-flawless]

So I Got Cleo's G3 Doll

Here's my thoughts under the cut. Just wanna put a disclaimer that I am someone who doesn't consider themself a fan of Gen 3, but is keeping an open mind. So just keep that in mind as you read, I am biased and do compare her to the G1 dolls, but I try to give credit where credit is due.

Like I said previously, I love the doll itself. Her face up is pretty (mine does have a slight imperfection, but its subtle enough that I'm not bothered by it), her hair is pretty, her skin tone and the shimmer they added to it are beautiful. I love her new body as well, though I do wish her torso and neck were a little longer. Specifically I love her big ears and hands. I do like G1 Cleo's hand pose a little bit more, but overall her new hands are great, and because they're bigger they're easier to remove. And finally, this will probably be an unpopular opinion, but I could do without the chest articulation in place of something else, like a doll stand.

I can't say much on the quality of her hair as it's not something I'm all that knowledgeable about. All I can say is that it feels more...plasticy? Compared to her G1 doll's hair. I'm having a hard time getting it to stay flat. I also think it's kinda odd that they seemingly made it a point to give all the dolls long brushable hair, but didn't provide brushes. Don't get me wrong, I have an abundance of Monster High brushes and don't need any more, but kids brand new to the series don't. And as someone with nieces, I can say for sure that they love brushing doll hair. I feel like doll stands and hair brushes are pretty standard things for dolls to come with nowadays, especially at that price range.

I'm very amused at how much she looks like Nefera, in the sense that the two of them look even more related than G1 Cleo and Nefera. It does look to me as though they took more inspiration from Nefera's G1 design more than Cleo's, which is interesting. I also discovered that Nefera's shoes, though they don't fit, match G3 Cleo's outfit pretty well, aside from the black in them.

Speaking of G3 Cleo's outfit...that's where my biggest disappointment lies.

I haven't exactly been subtle about my dislike for her boots. They don't go with the style of her dress, and overall I think giving a character who grew up in a hot desert climate boots is a super weird choice. On top of that I don't find them to be flattering on her new leg molds. Her calves are much thicker now, and adding thick boots to them really accentuates it and makes her look slightly awkward and disproportionate. However the actual quality of them is pretty good. There's a decent amount of detail, and I appreciate that the slit in the back of them doesn't go all the way up so they can't lose their shape, which is actually an issue I have with a couple G1 dolls. I would say the same for her accessories, they're well detailed and the paint job on them is really nice.

Her dress is where things take a nosedive. I think before I was so distracted by how much I disliked her boots that I didn't pay that much attention to her dress. But now that I have her and have felt the material I'm really disappointed by it. I don't know what material was used to make it, but I can assure it's plastic and pretty cheap feeling. Compared to G1 Cleo's clothes it feels like a cheap costume. I will say this material is probably more play proof, but I do have G1 Cleo's basic outfit, which is over ten years old by now, and her jumpsuit still looks brand new, and the material is so soft. It feels like real clothes. And compared to other modern doll lines the quality of her dress is kinda embarrassing. They couldn't have used a nicer material?? And aside from that, she has this new beautiful body mold, I would have really hoped that they'd have given her an outfit to accentuate it a bit more, like Draculaura's does.

Interestingly, I think her outfit in the show and on the box art would look better on her doll, and her doll's outfit would look better on her 3D model.

tldr; the doll is gorgeous, she should have come with a brush and a doll stand, her accessories are well detailed, and the quality of her dress is cheap.



[ratstuckinamarble]

Part two of my coffin bean ramblings.

I like the bird. The way it sits on the skullette is wonderful. Hats off to the designer. I also love having a 3d skullette, it looks great and has a nice weight to it.

More of Frankie looking fabulous. Their creepover party doll come with an energy drink, so I'm pretty shure they're addicted to caffeine. So of course, I gave them coffee.

Goobie!! What a cutie. I dubbed mine Minka (german pronunciation), because my dad suggested the name, and I like it. She looks like she should glow in the dark.

She does!! As a ghost kitty should. Her eyes look like an empty black void, spooky! The left image is from right after I just turned the light in my room off, and the right is after I held a lamp to her for a while. She actually glows quite brightly, I'm impressed! Wonder why they didn't advertise this, kids are usually super into glowing stuff. Maybe I just missed it.

Update!! She has toe beans (I hope you can tell on the picture). Peak design.

Decent prices. I like the coffee artwork, looks like something from Fran Bow or Little Miss Fortune.

This whole set is great. You get a lot of neat stuff, the designs are pretty (I especially enjoy the wrought iron) and the plastic feels really pleasant. It's versatile too, lots of ways in which the dolls can interact with it, and some of the pieces would work quite well outside of a café setting. I also just like the idea of the different characters hanging out there. It just seems like such a chill atmosphere. It's everything I wanted it to be, and I couldn't be happier.

Now, for your enjoyment:

My cat being cute. He's snoring on my bed as I type.

I hope everyone had as great a time as I did, wether you celebrate christmas, something else entirely, or nothing. Personally, I'm looking forward to doing another small celebration in january with my mom, since that's when when russian christmas is.

Happy holidays everyone!

[circle--of--confusion]

what hobby should i start if i have way too much time on my hands?

Oh wow uh. Let's see.

Knitting: portability. You can take most small projects like scarves or hats with you to work on. Acrylic yarn is relatively affordable so if you're starting out, you have a lot of options. Knitting was my first hobby and it's stuck because you start with basics (knit and purl) and then build off of that to make different stuff.

Crochet: probably the easiest and it can make some cute stuff. I'm not wild about it but I always gravitate towards crochet when I want to make objects, not garments. Crochet stitches have a very sturdy makeup so they're great for plushies.

Sewing: a lot of important things like mending and sewing on a button are taught. You can also take a lot of time to just learn techniques and practice on the machine. Although a decent one might set you back a couple hundred but you can always shop second hand. The maintenance can get annoying but it's important to do. Fabric price can vary so if you want something cheap, sewing is probably not good to start with.

Cross stitch/embroidery: not exactly portable but probably the one that takes up the smallest amount of space. A lot of thread is super cheap and hoops and fabric are easy to buy in craft stores.

Lastly, painting: I like watercolor because of the effect it has. If you buy any paint and paper: arches or Strathmore are pretty good paper and I'd reccomend 140 lb paper. And Windsor and Newton have pretty affordable paint for a beginner that I feel look nice. I'm not a huge fan of acrylic but a lot of people can make excellent designs with it.

So in terms of cost: knitting/crochet or cross stitch/embroidery would be a good start. It's easy and probably the most affordable

Sewing is good for learning a lot of technical stuff and being hands on with projects and going step by step.

Painting is fun if you want to mix different art mediums together

Hopefully this helps! Lol

[randomvarious]

Today's compilation:

Rock 'n' Roll Hits of 1958 1999 Rock & Roll / Doo Wop

OK, well, this actually turned out to be a little bit of a surprise for me. Had this CD of hits from 1958 consisted of all original versions, I would've listed nearly all ten of its songs as highlights. But none of these tracks, as it turns out, are actually original versions; they are, in fact, re-recordings, which are, more or less, a bane of pretty much everyone's existence.

Re-recordings are just cheaply made imitations of original versions, usually done by an original artist when they're past their prime, and whenever anyone hears one, they're typically made upset by it, because it doesn't sound nearly as good as the original version that they remember. It's sort of like ordering your favorite dish from a restaurant that you haven't been to for a while, and then finding out the hard way that the chef changed up its ingredients. The dish still has the same name, but once you take that first bite, you realize that something's off, and then you're disappointed that you can't enjoy that same meal that you came for in the first place 😑.

And yet, I was prepared for this to happen. The cheap and generic album art template and the phrase, "10 big hits by the original artists!" are both dead giveaways. See, when you run into enough of these oldies releases, you know what careful language to look for, and that sentence there, rather than saying something like, "original hits from the original artists," really tells you all you need to know: that these are re-recordings.

But listening to re-recordings can also be like watching The Room; you know it's atrocious, but you get a big kick out of just how atrocious it actually is.

So, I was really all set to trash this whole thing, and then have some fun by singling out the absolute worst re-recording of them all, but then I came across what basically amounts to a four-leaf clover: a good re-recording 😮.

Lloyd Price's rendition of "Stagger Lee" here is definitely not as good as its infectious original—in fact, that original just might be my favorite hit of all from 1958—but it's still pretty decent. The audio quality's definitely not spectacular by any means, but whenever Price recorded this one, he clearly still had enough vocal chops to do it, which is not something that you can really say of most other re-recordings. Of course, he sounded a lot spryer in 1958 than he does here, and perhaps that's why the tempo's a bit slower now too, but on this he still has soulful passion, and his grizzliness feels charming rather than piteous. His backing vocalists also lend to the overall goodness of the song too, especially their repeated "ba-da-ba-da-ba-da"s that they rhythmically sing in tandem with the horns and drums. On the original, those "ba-da"s only appear a couple of times, but on here they're way more constant, and they really end up enhancing the track, overall, I think; as does the sax 😌.

So, with this CD, I was actually prepared for what some might think is the unexpected, but what I wasn't prepared for at all was something that should be even far more unexpected, and that is a genuinely good re-recorded hit. I can honestly probably count on one hand the amount of times that I've actually managed to run into one of these things over the years, so you should all consider yourselves lucky to have been able to bear witness to such a rare event, because this is real Halley's Comet stuff here, folks 🌠.

Highlights:

Lloyd Price - "Stagger Lee"

[dazzlerazz]

13, 16, and 22 please!

Hiya!

13) If they're a mounted unit what would they name their mount?

Not something I thought of, but probably name it after a star in the sky, maybe Yuri's real name by complete accident and it would be brought up in their Hopes supports lol

16) Who could they win an arm wrestle against? A game of darts? A game of chess?

Robin's a magic leaning unit so I don't imagine them to be very physically strong, they could probably take Lorenz and would playfully arm wrestle with Raphael. In darts I think maybe tied with Leonie, and would probably be chess champion, losing only to Byleth

22) How did they decide on their personal/post skip outfit, and was the price or the aesthetic a bigger factor in their decision?

Robin's post ts outfit is more noble-like in Houses, while in Hopes they look more like a robed mercenary. In Houses, Robin followed Edelgard to Enbarr to join her in the fight, they can be recruited in later chapters similar to Lorenz and Ashe if they were part of the player's class originally. While Edelgard doesn't really trust Robin, she keeps them close, Their outfit isn't exactly set in stone because most interacts with them are pre timeskip where everyone wears their uniforms, but it mostly consists of expensive-looking clothes and little bits of armor, pretty much traditional medieval fantasy stuff. It does however possess a lot more color, specifically a darker green that I really liked when I was looking for outfit inspiration a year ago. Their hair is longer and more ragged, they look more tired, and their monocle has a chance to be lost for good

Their outfits are mostly what was thrust upon them by Hubert (I feel like I have pages of notes with their and Hubert's relationship) but they did have a little bit of say in their outfits as they went. They become really finicky about the state of their clothes post timeskip, constantly wanting to sew up the holes and keep it clean

Also: thigh boots, because I said so

I said Robin wears more robes in Hopes, which is true. Their feelings about their clothes and how they obtained them are still the same, except Hubert and Robin have not come to decently respect each other yet. They also need something light and flow-y to easily up and run or hide their face, which is something I have in my notes but I can't remember what I was planning for that :') and also: knee high boots

[ahorseofeverycolor]

Have you heard of Zuru five surprise unicorn squad/fariry unicorn squad? If so, what are your thoughts on them? I’ve started collecting a few myself and they’re actually pretty decent by surprise toy standards.

I had not heard of it! But now...I've looked it up to see what it's all about. Zuru is really interesting as a brand, because of its quite low price point but then apparent quality. I had seen plenty of the Zuru Sparkle Girlz unicorns at Walmart (they're unpackaged, and just have a tag on the collar to buy them at about 2 or 3 dollars each) and then more recently the larger ones with movable legs appearing at Big Lots. I guess they're technically 'pony fakies' at their little size, but they're CLEARLY better quality than any of the G4 (late) and G5 stuff. They have 4 rows of hair for the mane, plus bangs, plus a 'rim' of hair around the face to give them a dolly hairline. The hair is also nylon that feels quality, not that crunchy, stiff, cheap-as-possible junk Hasbro's been using and then charging like 4x more for recently on everything. How is Zuru doing it? Great colors, obviously tons of 'characters', big toys and like...ultra-low pricing? As for the 5 Surprise, I'm not surprised at all that they are quality and variety. They've gone from 'ugly fake barbie doll in a cone' to a real contender with their variety of fairies and unicorns that they are actually putting effort into. Movable limbs, brushable hair, accessories, and special paint for 'surprise-bag' toys is good, however they seem to run about 10 dollars each which is high for something you don't know what you'll get. Opinion time: I probably won't get these, as they're not quite 'pony like' enough with their forward facing eyes (better than G5 but still) and the noses look like a tube on a balloon. It's too separate from the face/maybe going for that 'puppy dog' look. It makes an ok toy that is fine to like, but it is not a type that I will like enough to collect. If they molded the 5Surprise like the medium ones, I might be tempted. Their Zuru regular ones seem to go for a bit of the G2 look (good for fans of that) with taller heads, but their nose/mouth is unified with the head as it would be on a horse, which has more appeal (to me). If I find any Zuru anything at thrift of yard sale, it would likely appear as a TTT here though. (Thank you for letting me know about these!)