#but i also wanna see if i can find an archive of old apps from like 2010 on reddit or smth to add to it

[tuxedoprincess]

waiting for the 4th gen ipod nano and 2nd gen ipod touch that i got from ebay to come in... haven't fully settled on what i want to do with them as it was an impulse buy while i was at work but i will figure it out

[siriuslytproblem28]

upon finishing past lives

okay, so, as the final credits of past lives showed upon my laptop at around 4AM last night, i felt a giant urge to simply sit and write. i didn't do it right then, deciding to let the feelings and thoughts simmer for a while longer. then, i decided to read the reviews on letterboxd and came across a beautiful story. i went to bed promising myself to go back to what i wanted to write, so as not to lose momentum which is a very big motivator for me. otherwise, i'd simply let the moment slip and this is most definetely not something i wanted to happen with this beautiful piece of media.

i was opening my notes app rn and then decided to write here, for some reason. i've often been feeling the need to share some of my experiences with narrative fiction here, since i started with posting only about jegulus fics, but ended up talking about a movie or whatever. since no one reads here, it's basically my journal and my archive. i have terrible memory so i love to have all kinds of records and archives for things that moved me.

after this enormous introduction, let's talk about past lives.

i had such huge expectations after seeing one of the people in whose opinion i trust the most having loved it, and the general vibe i felt seeing the promo pics and the poster (i just don't like watching trailers for movies), that as i pressed play i was afraid it might turn to disappointment. what i wasn't expecting was the extent it actually surppassed the meeting of them, becoming most definetely my favorite movie i watched for the award season (very late in the game, i know).

something about it felt so familiar and yet so intriguing, i loved the pacing and the dialog. but especially the subtext. i've seen some reviews talking about how much they felt a lack of connection on a deeper, personal level, and my experience watching it could not have been more different.

not all parts of it clicked immediatey with me, i've later read reviews from people who immigrated to the US and realized i totally missed some details about this particular aspect, being a brazillian who never left Brazil. Though i think that, as a latina, there are some cultural aspects that i could absolutely relate to, probabbly from the perspective of a non north american and that was really interesting.

i don't wanna dwell much on the technicalities of the movie, though i believe it so beautifully shot and placed, i loved how much the scenarios add to every frame that appears on screen, the meaningfullness of the backgrounds that add to the subtext. Which is exactly the point i want to dwell on: the subtext. For me, it's one of the strongest aspects of the movie. Unfortunately, i haven't had the best experience on watching to analyze the writing properly, since i watched it via the jack sparrow way (it's not available in brazil ok) and the portuguese subs were kind of botched. Still, the content of every single conversation and it's weight was not lost on me. Though sometimes simple, it was always majestically written (and obviously i can detail better my opinions the english parts, the language i do, in fact understand without needing translation) and powerful.

i've had multiple experiences in my life with people that seem to come and go, but when i take a closer look i come to realize they have never really left. so i connected to the story sooo much, i even dreamt about of of my biggest crushes in middle school, and my first love, who i spent my whole adolescence loving and still is one of my best friends.

timing and the passing thereof, has always been a complicated thing for me to deal with. i remember writing about changes and my loathing of them from a very young age. now, in my early adult life, i find myself seeking those narratives more than i did as a kid. still kinda fearing the absence they'll leave inside me, but also yearning for the reflections they might bring.

i was around 12 years old when i watched boyhood. it was probabbly one of the first movies to ever cause me a hint of an existencial crisis. not in a way you'd expect, though. not in a "omg i need to get a career and wtf am i doing", but in a sense of how it portrayed relationships, the passing of time, etc etc.

as i grew older, focusing on the past 3 years, then came normal people and just this last january, before sunrise.

I re-read np in late 2023 as i felt the need to, when i realized i was falling really in love for the first time ever since my first love, which had a hold on me for almost 7 years (and i'm 20, that's a lot haha). i found that, somehow, it had meant even more to me the second time around.

january, this year, i caved in and watched before sunrise. i also had super high expectations but nothing could ever prepare me for what i received. it became one of my favourite movies ever, and it spoke to parts of me that i had either left uncared for.

to me, past lives came and fed that specific part. all of these pieces of media i spoke a lot on, they talk to and help me understand a feeling i've had in my heart ever since i can remember.

i always had a fascination with something i've come up with, to explain basically the foundation of everything i love, in art, in myself, in life, "the unsaid".

my definition of it, is that the unsaid lies within the dialog, the text, the spoken word, the writing itself. in media and in life. it's like subtext, but maybe even deeper. it's the look you give to your best friend across the room. it's the goodbye that gets trapped inside your throat the last time you talk to someone. it's the touch that never reaches itself out. it's the i love you you don't dare to let slip. it's the look you give someone when you stopped kissing them to just look at them. it's how your eyes light up whenever you see one of your favorite persons in the world. it's when you stop in your tracks in the middle of a party and gaze at your friends, and realize that life can be, in deed, beautiful, and how lucky you are. it also kinda relates to frances ha definition of what she looks for in a relationship, that really stuck with me.

i live for the unsaid. either be it in the art i consumme, or how i experience it in my life. it's what makes existing worth anything, personally. as past lives dialogs sm with this notion. all the scenes where hae sung and nora don't say a word to each other, their look speak millions. that reminded me of one of my favourite scenes from before sunrise, the famous booth scene. in all of the above, i sat unsable to shake a small laughter, or maybe a sly tear, in response to the volume of what was being communicated there.

i consider myself really lucky with the people i have in my life and this movie spoke to this, too. i have a childhood best friend who remains close to me, a sister, really, for over 10 years. i have another childhood friend, who was my first big crush and baby love i ever had, who i used to think i was gonna marry and have children with, to the extent i have drawings of it, still be my best friend to this day. i have friend since middle school, who i fell deeply in love with at the tender age of 13 and who remained my muse very well util my 19th year of being alive, and she was my first girlfriend, the first girl i kissed, and remains my best friend. i've also been lucky to experience such a short but beautifully loving experience with a close friend i made in college, in the latter part of 2023. i haven't really gotten over him, but it's fine, cause ever since watching before sunrise, i realized i had multiple - and i can't believe i'm refferencing tfios in the year of the lord, 2024 - infinities with. though i had grieved what seems to be the ending of our never named, never labelled, situationship, and i still feel a lot of things for him, i've become gratefull for having experience such interesting and soul touching things with him. for opening myself up for it. for admiting my feelings to him. for the leap of faith i took, even if i ended up stranded or hit by rocks at the bottom of the cliff. i'm grateful it happened, even if i still cry about it and have written many songs for him. no matter how long it'll take me to get "over" him, i'll live. and i'm happy it happened. he's become one of my favorite people in this life and this is something i don't say lightly and don't take for granted.

i think to me, the "meaning of life", is to collect this feelings and experiences that turn you into the person you are at the moment. i have no idea of who i'd be without all my influences. i've written mysel, but i was only able to, with the refferences and quotes of every friend i had, every person i loved, everyone who became my family or stopped being it. maybe it's my cancer moon and venus. but i'm really nothing more than a mosaic, a reflection of every single person present in my life (real or parassocial), a collection of words, spoken or not.

and yeah, i barelly spoke directly on past lives, but it's what i always tend to do anyways. i'm not here to make a detailed runthrough, analysis over the cinematography and the script, i might be an acting major but i lack the knowledge (or maybe just doubt i do). but this is, still, my journal, to track my experiences and thoughts. so that's what i did. and i don't think, at least right now, that this movie can really fit into aything i could try to say.

[paperw0rmz]

wut's a trend from the 90s/early 2000s u wanna see make a comeback? :0

THANK YOU FOR ASKING

For those who don’t know Hi I’m Grave and I am obsessed with 90’s-2012 things and have archives and logs of media, specifically web, of things from those eras

1:Radio shack

As someone who is getting into ham radio and also just misses being able to get funky little add ons to computers and shit, I think we should all as a collective demand a radio shack. “Oh bUt yOu hAvE bEst bUy” I will literally slit your throat if you are dumb enough to think that that ugly wanna be ikea shit is anything remotely similar to big daddy Radio Shack

2:Chatrooms

Was I way too young to be on them back when they were popular? Yes. Did that result into trauma? Yes. But I’ve learned my lesson and now I want this shit back so bad. I LOVE chat rooms. “YeAh wE hAvE dIscOrd aNd DMS” ITS NOT THE SAME FUCKING THING AND YOU KNOW IT.

Bring back chatzy, bring back IRC (I’m active on a few), I’m even on Wireclub if anyone wants to join my chat rooms there!!! And pesterchum

3: physical copies of media

I hate streaming services. I hate it. There is nothing but zombie glossy eyed, let’s market to the brain dead, shit on there. Like yes, I love some of the shows, but we have lost so much shit from moving to streaming services. Remember on a VHS or DVD where you could watch behind the scenes, bloopers, play movie/show related games all on a tape/disk???? It’s the same with any physical music media too. I think it makes you more so focused on what entertainment you actually like. Too many people just like things because it’s popular or trending, which is fine, but when it comes down to it do you actively want to OWN something physical from the media? If not then is it something you’re willing to put time into then? Why not do something else?

4:Arcades

I’m not talking about that Dave and buster shit. I’m talking not scam (at least not as bad as it is now) arcades that was on every Main Street, in every mall, like in a mall now of days is a small as shit arcade if it’s NOT Dave and busters. I hate Dave and busters mainly bc they ruined a genre. It was marketed as a arcade for adults but then they added kid I pad games and now it’s just an awkward overpriced place to be where you can see a seven year old play cross road or angry birds on a glorified I pad and also see grown men get shit faced drunk.

5:MAGAZINES

Literally so hard to find good magazines now of days. Especially for a cost that won’t fucking kill you. I managed to get most of mine second hand, but it’s so hard to find anyplace that sells magazines especially ones that are to kids without being too babyish. I go to a grocery store and if I look for a young girls/boys magazine it’s about very YOUNG things to the point I don’t think the market audience can even read??? That or it’s just guns or gardening. Which is cool, but there isn’t anything for teenagers really anymore. Like yes there are, but you have to sign up online for it which is fine, but I miss being excited to go to the corner store to see if there is any latest addition of the magazine I loved there.

6:social interactions

You would jus stay outside or inside right next to your phone/computer waiting for someone to come by and tell you where everyone else is at. Like having to go walk to every gas station and corner store to see if your friends are there and getting excited when they are actually there. I am thankful for being able to easily like meet up with people, but like the feeling you get when you run into people and then go fuck off is so fun

7:The video games

Video game quality has gone down hill. I’m not talking about highly detailed story based games, no. I’m talking about app games, free to play games, all that shit. It is now a click bait, league clone, or clash clone. And it’s BORING. It’s all ad based and trying to suck as much money from you as possible and it’s all so ugly in that ugly 3D art style.

8:intelligence

*insert the tweet about how if you say you like waffles people will just assume it means you hate pancakes* people today do not have common sense anymore.

9: sense of community

#coquette #grassfromthegardencore #corefromcore

Like yes, back then was also elitist, but not as bad and forced as it is now. So many people today are so focused on aesthetic labels instead of just focusing on what they just like. Like yes, labels are comforting, but to the point you’re desperately asking what aesthetic this is so you can then throw out and change your aesthetic to match it and then repeat over and over? Gross.

10: early web memes

Memes arnt long lasting today as it was back then. There aren’t even memes today. Just a tiktok video that was posted on Twitter. I hate it.

[intoafandom]

Why I like Kevan Miller, Steven Kampfer, Trent Frederic, Torey Krug, Tuukka Rask etc and why I will continue to like them.

(Sorry this is soooo long but it’s the only way I can explain)

So last night I got an anon ask and the person was asking why I like Kevan Miller when he’s a republican and I mentioned how I would make a separate post explaining my reasoning better and now that I have the time and its no longer 3 am, now seems like a good time lol.

So I’m gunna give a backstory about the players above that I mentioned and why a lot of bruinsblr doesn’t like them (so people that may not be aware know the context of why people are upset/dont like them). Most of bruinsblr doesn’t like Miller or Kampfer because they’re republicans. Everyone on bruinsblr is allowed to dislike them if they choose to. I recognize I’m in the minority on this app when I say I like and support Kevan Miller and Steven Kampfer. People on here also don’t like Torey Krug for the same reason and because he follows/followed Trump’s twitter account (since trumps account got deleted, torey now follows the “trump archives” account). People on here don’t like Tuukka anymore because over the summer, during all the blm stuff in the bubble, Tuukka went on tv in the bubble for an interview with a hat that said “Boston police” on it (the interview also aired right after the Bruins Organization posted about how they stand against racism, so people ended up calling Tuukka a racist hypocrite.) Last night, people on here found out that Trent Frederic follows Trump supporters and republicans on social media, which is why he’s losing some fans on this app. There are probably more stories about other players that I’m not aware of as well but these will be the ones I’m focusing on for now.

I am NOT going to start talking about my political opinions or my position on social issues. My account is called IntoAFandom for a REASON. So I can escape the real world and go “into a fandom” and have some peace. That’s why i never reblog or like or post about any real world events or issues. I want my blog to be solely about things, fandoms, and people that I love and care about. I don’t wanna come on my blog and see how a bombing happened or if someone got shot or this president signed this executive order etc etc. i wanna come on my blog and fangirl about Bucky Barnes being a sweetheart with kids or how amazing Matt Grzelcyk is at “tight turns” etc etc. Hence the name “IntoAFandom.”

I’m getting a lot of questions as to why I still support these players and I’ll definitely answer those questions in this post. Just so my mutuals know where I stand on this.

Now obviously it would be super easy for me to just go “well the player is super nice so i dont care about their political views.” And while that’s partially true for me, its not the only reason. For me, the reason is much deeper than that. I’ve never mentioned or talked about or even said it out loud. I touched upon what I’m about to say in that anon ask I got last night, but I’m going to go into detail now. It’s kind of hard to explain and the only way I can describe it is to tell you about my hockey journey up until this point, and specifically the 2018-19 season.

So one day in April in 2018, I was on school vacation and I was very bored. There was literally nothing on tv. However, as I was scrolling through the channels, I saw that a bruins game was on. I had never really watched hockey before in my life and the only experience I could remember having with it was when my mom was obsessed with them in like 2013 and how she set up this whole contraption to try and watch a game when a snowstorm made us lose connection. So with nothing else on the tv, crippling boredom, and being a Massachusetts native, I put the game on. It was literally just starting and the national anthem was about to start. We were playing the leafs lmao and it was game five or six of the series probably. I cant really remember because I didn’t think I would care this much about hockey at the time of watching it. But what I do remember was how CREEPY Tuukka looked😂 He was just standing there alone with a huge spotlight on him, head down, wearing these huge pads and looking straight up terrifying. I literally started laughing because of how creepy he looked. And then he put his cool ass mask on and right there I knew he was my favorite player. And to this day he is still my favorite. Tuukka was the first hockey player I EVER knew and could remember by name. I gotta admit, at first I thought his name was “Tuuk Arask” because that’s what it sounded like whenever the announcers would say it, specifically Jack Edwards lol. But then I was like “wait is it Arask or Rask” and after looking at his jersey like 3 games later I finally realized it was actually Rask lol. And I was like “Tuukka Rask. So freaking creepy lol. He’s my favorite.” I also have to mention that I’ve always been a sucker for people that play positions that no one else wants to play. Like for example, when I first started watching football in like 2014, my first ever favorite player was Stephen Gostkowski because he was the kicker. He was super good and he was instantly my fav. That’s what Tuukka was like for me. This huge, tall ass, creepy ass, goalie who was playing super well. How could i NOT like him. I didn’t really bother to learn any other players on the bruins team since they got eliminated in the second round. I remember saying to my mom “I don’t want them to be out. I wanna learn more.” I wanted to know more about the game and 6 games, or however many it was, wasn’t enough. So for some reason, I followed them throughout the offseason and in late September/early October I started watching a ton of their older games on YouTube. Not super old obviously, but games from like 2013-2017 ish. Just whatever I could find. And it was so interesting. I tried to only watch games where they actually won so I wasn’t wasting my time lol, but not having to worry about the score helped me start learning the game and some of the rules, like what an icing was for example. So then preseason games started and I got more into it. And then the beginning of the 2018-19 season started. I still didn’t really know any players besides Tuukka, even though I was watching YouTube games. The YouTube ones were more for me to learn the game and the rules rather than players (however, looking back, I did notice that Kevan Miller was a freaking beast, but I just didn’t acknowledge who he actually was. I just saw a player going absolute sicko mode and being like YEEEEAAAAH). The second player I could actually remember by name was Danton Heinen. I noticed he was playing really well and I was like omg who is that and I learned his name and he became one of my favorites with Tuukka. Next was Anders Bjork. I remember I was texting my friends and was trying to make it seem like I wasn’t a complete amateur at hockey knowledge, so I was like “hey guys, Bjork is back in the line up😃” and so I always remembered his name. Next was Ryan Donato because he was literally AWAYS smiling. Every time he was on camera he was SMILING. I loved it so much he was like a little bean. And so he was one of my favorites and i had a top three with him, heino and tuuks.

Now I was watching games and slowly learning important names like Chara, Bergeron, Marchand etc but it wasn’t really on my radar to actually learn all the players because I hadn’t even done that with the patriots who I had been watching and loving for yeeeears. But that was until I decided to watch a behind the b episode. And I was HOOKED. I instantly began to love and care about every single player on the roster. This was in like February of 2019. And that’s when I started trying to name everyone on the team, including their numbers. I made it a mission. I remember writing out lists in math class because I was so bored and would rather try to memorize hockey players. And that’s when I found bruinsblr. It was march by the time I started to post hockey stuff. And i made an instagram account so I could started editing them. I’ve had this blog since 2014 and its seen many phases, but march of 2019 was when I changed it into a mainly bruins blog. And I remember not knowing what “bruins lb” was and i never wanted to tag it because I thought it was like a club or something that I would be intruding on😂 So I started posting and reblogging bruins stuff and posting sucky bruins edits on here and on my insta account. And I started watching every single behind the b episode from every season and I was literally obsessed with the team. And then Donato got traded and i was heartbroken cuz I loved him and I was like Coyle is gunna have to wow me to get me to like him and he DID and i LOVE HIM. But then I decided to have a top five instead of a top three. And it was Tuukka, Krug, DeBrusk, Pasta, and Marchy. They were the players I noticed the most. And Marchy started LICKING people how could i not choose him😂 So then the playoffs come and we beat the leafs in game 7 AGAIN (and I literally missed the first two periods because I was at my confirmation) But I finally understood all the memes about the leafs and I finally understood hockey and hockey culture by this point. I knew the rules, the players, the memes, literally everything. And then we make it to the finals and get lil nas x singing old town road before game 1 and we get JD wearing that stupid hat😂 and the two people from The Office (one of them wanted the bruins to win and the other wanted the blues) and it was all just amazing for me. Then we lost and i was devastated. And we had to see pictures of CMac sobbing on the ice and JD sitting alone in his stall crying and all of them were so sad and after that journey we just went through i was fvcking crying too. We didn’t win, but that 2018-19 season is SO special for me.

The people on this roster (minus gemel smith and lee stempniak) are EXTREMELY special to me. They TAUGHT me hockey. They turned me on to an entirely new culture. I got to experience my first real bit of hockey. I got to experience EVERYTHING about hockey with them (besides the cup) in this ONE season of hockey. I saw the preseason games in china, the halloween visit to to the hospital, Chara bringing pies to the homeless, them buying toys for kids in the hospital at Christmas then visiting them, the new years game outside against the hawks, trade deadline crushing my heart, every round of the playoffs, players pushing through crazy injuries, loving players, despising other teams, all the memes, all the jokes, all the players. Everything. The 2018-19 season is SO incredibly special for me because it’s the first time I ever experienced real hockey and watched an entire season. The people on that roster mean so much to me because of that. Now take a look at the names on that roster. Rask. Krug. Miller. Kampfer. Frederic. They all helped me experience my first year of hockey. Freddy in his first freaking game, getting into a fight😂 Miller and Kampfer were BEASTS on the ice. Krug being a SPECTACULAR little defenseman, quarterbacking the pp and sticking up for himself and SLAMMING thomas. Tuukka Rask being the brick wall. There is no way that I could ever dislike the people on that roster unless the did something suuuuuper bad. I don’t know if you would call it hero worship or whatever, but those people on that roster are so fucking special to me. Even ones like JFK and Vaak and Colby that didn’t play that many games. They still made an impact for me as a hockey fan. THAT is the main reason why I will never stop liking and supporting tuuks, krugger, kampfs, millsy, or freddy. Everyone on that roster has a special place in my heart and I’m not going to let their political views change or tamper with the incredible experience they gave me during that 2018-19 season. I wont ever love another team as much as I loved that specific roster. And no one is going to change that for me. I dont care about their political views or whatever. For me, the experience and the feelings they gave me trump anything i may or may not disagree with. That roster is so special to me, I cant bring myself to dislike any of those people. I will always like those players, no matter how republican or democrat or whatever. Political views dont matter to me when it comes to those players.

Now besides all of that and the experience they gave me, I do believe that they’re still good people even tho they may be republican. I wanna start with Tuukka because it literally doesn’t make sense to me. Tuukka is not even AMERICAN. I dont think he cares that much about American politics since im pretty sure most his family lives in Finland. People got mad at him for wearing a Boston police hat. But I think those people are forgetting that Tuukka has been in boston for soooo long. There have probably been multiple occasions where the police had to help him or the team for some reason or another (they are technically famous after all). Tuukka wearing a hat that says Boston Police doesn’t make him a bad person. He was probably just showing support to the people that helped support HIM as well as his family and teammates. I follow Tuukka on insta and he literally NEVER posts anything political. Probably because NEVER actually posts ANYTHING at all lol. Tuukka had been my favorite from the start and theres almost nothing he could ever do that would make me dislike him.

As for the other 4, and any other players on the team that may be republican (honestly i bet most of them are because 1) most hockey players are and 2) a lot of the guys are christian/catholic and most christian/catholic people are republican as well) I choose to believe that political opinions dont make you a bad person. I like to believe that it depends on the circumstances for every individual. Now I’m not gay or black or anything. Im an 18 year old, straight white girl. So obviously i dont know what its really like for someone to hate or disagree with my race, sexuality, etc. I saw someone say (sorry I forget who it was) that they keep thinking “well what would that player say about me because im gay. What would they actually think about me. I cant support them.” And honestly that’s extremely valid. I never thought about it that way before. So if Kevan Miller for example was out here posting a bunch of homophobic stuff like “i hate gays” or “gays are all stupid” or anything like that, then yeah my opinions on him would probably change in some way. But I follow him on insta and i know the stuff he post about. I have NEVER seen him say anything like that. Ive never heard any bruin say anything like that. From what I’ve seen, they all seem like super nice, sweet, supportive people when they’re off the ice. (I think it’s also important to mention that I follow EVERYONE on the 2018-19 roster. I follow all of their instas. Most of them dont have twitter, but I follow all the ones that do. It’s part of the whole “that roster is incredibly special to me” thing). I choose to believe that following republicans or being one yourself doesn’t automatically make you a bad person, especially when you consider the different circumstances that every individual is under as humans. We all experience different things and that always plays a role in how you act or the opinions you have or the people you support. Someone’s political opinions have never stopped me from liking people. Ive clearly shown that I don’t mind republicans at all, but that doesn’t mean im going to dislike democrats either. Most of the actors/ singers that i like are democrats. And it just happens that most of the athletes i like are republicans. The political stuff doesn’t matter to me. I just dont want it being slapped in my face 24/7. I dont care if you’re a republican or democrat as long as you aren’t constantly talking to me about politics or social issues or trying to change my mind on stuff. Hopefully you can try to see my point of view on this and UNDERSTAND why I like them. Again, I’ve never told my hockey story to anyone so please don’t try and invalid my feelings about the season or the players.

Please, I beg, please don’t comment on this calling racist or something. Please dont try and change me mind. Please dont tell me i need to educate myself. I know WHY i like these players. I know where they stand politically and who they support. But these players are too special to ME for me to actually give a sht about if they like trump or not. Honestly tho, feel free to give your opinion (especially if you’re gay or black or anything) cuz i dont mind hearing other standpoints as long as you aren’t mean about it or try to change my mind. If i change my mind, which i probably wont, I want it to be on my own terms. Please remember that we ARE still a hockey family 💛🖤💛

(Also I’m NEVER talking about this again. If anyone ever asks or something like this comes up again im just gunna link/ reblog this post)

(Also, thank you to whoever made it this far and actually read all of that. ESPECIALLY if you’re someone that doesn’t agree with me. Its good to hear multiple standpoints on this stuff.)

[ambivalent-auguries]

Updates

It is finally done ;; The big overhaul of my blog is finished and while there are still some things I’m planning on working on, I’m hoping this refresh will help my muse and want me to be more active on Tumblr. 

For those of you who have waited for a while for a reply, I’m sorry, y’all. I’ve been having such a hard time with Tumblr lately, but I’m going to slowly queue replies and hopefully get back on track. 

My up to date thread tracker can be found here: THREAD TRACKER (the ones Awaiting Starter are just Discord threads). If a thread is not on that active list, please assume it has been dropped. For clarity for now, please also find the archived/dropped list of threads here: ARCHIVED. I’m also clearing my inbox so sorry if you sent anything in I haven’t answered to. 

Changes made: 

NEW THEME, new aesthetic, new everything ;;;; I am honestly so proud of the coding behind the theme and the general look. It even fits in with the new Tumblr app icon loool I’m ahead of the trend lol 

The rules have been amended slightly and I encourage you to revisit them pls thank you. No major changes, they’re just a bit more comprehensive. 

Muse list is different, this is kind of the extended list of all the muses I wanna play, with some old ones being brought back. On request muses no longer exist, all muses are active and ready to play. I encourage you to explore the list and maybe read about some of the new additions. If a muse you had a thread with is no longer featured there, check the thread tracker to see the status of the thread. But generally, I am keeping the threads for any muses that no longer feature on my active muse list. 

Thread cap has been changed back to 5 (from 4), meaning all muses can have up to 5 threads individually, including secondary threads with the same pairing. 

Mobile navigation is now fully developed so enjoy late night scrolling through your phone and reading all the sob stories my muses have as backgrounds lol 

[jocelyn-wellson]

• • • • • •

“Some fancy paintin’ ya go’ since las’ time,” said Jocelyn, pointing toward the mantle. She eased herself into the chaise, eyes drifting over the canvas. “Donnae iffn I ge’ et o’ no’.”

“A gift from an old friend, a gnome, actually. Went to Uni together.” Dr Hayes smiled, remembering fond things. “I asked them what they were trying to express — ‘life and tech are forever linked,’ they said. I can see it. What about you?”

“A puddle in th’ stree’ wit’ a bolt” she said. “Mebbe some whiskey. Or blood. Mebbe a shipwright was careless...” she tried to put all of these together. “Reminds me o’ home ... yea, drunks of Boralus.”

Dr Hayes raised an eyebrow. “He did study there during his ‘Magnificent Tapestry’ ...” she murmured. “The Magnificent Tapestry is a kind of roadmap that helps artists grow.”

Jocelyn nodded absently. “A Grand Tour o’ th’ World...”

The Dr’s eyes darted back to the painting.

She poured out two glasses of water — one for each of them — and set them on the marble coffee table between them. “Being drunk, hm?” She stood in front of the painting, tracing its curves and lines with her mind. “I can see that, too. Odd perspectives, shifting vanishing points... perhaps being drunk and being linked with tech aren’t all that different.” She chuckled. “I’ll let them know what you thought. If that’s ok with you.”

“Donnae use me name, yea?”

“Agreed.”

Jocelyn smirked. “Ain’ nevah though’ a painter’d ‘ear my words, no’ ‘bou’ the work. Tha’s fer smar’ people an’ ones ‘ho kin talk righ’.”

Dr Hayes crinkled her nose at Jocelyn’s self-depreciation of her intellect, but that was a long term battle. Something else seemed to be looming. She thought back to the answer. A puddle... Aha! She started to cross the room. “I liked they way you talked about colour in their piece... it was pretty revealing. A puddle, blood... whisky. How’s that going?”

“Et’s get’in’ easier,” said Jocelyn as she fidgeted with her cuticle. “Th’ no’ drinkin’.”

Dr Hayes was stunned for a moment. No shit... She sat down in her chair and crossed her legs. “Not drinking... at all?”

“Nah.” Jocelyn shook her head. “Ain’ gonna be no tea-tot’ler. I mean’ get’in’ blackou’ drunk, yanno?”

“Why do you think that is?”

Joci didn’t respond — not because she didn’t want to, but because she couldn’t. She simply didn’t have an answer, yet. Well, not directly.

“Does it have to do with that mission with Myzariel?”

Joci pulled at the hangnail, only making it longer. “Part o’ et, aye.”

“And the other part,” she asked, studying her patient, “...or parts?”

“Ain’ et goo’ enuff ta say tha’ I ain’ a drunk like before?”

“Not really, no.”

“Why? Cuz ya need ta write somethin’ doon?”

Dr Hayes shook her head.

“Cuz Fiske wan’s ta ‘ear et?”

“Jocelyn...”

She tried one last time, the only honest guess of the lot. “Cuz I need ta ‘ear meself say et?”

“Is that what you think?”

“I’m finkin’ tha’s wot you fink.”

“Why would I think that?”

“Cuz et’s true,” she said, catching herself off guard. The words had slipped through her filter. “...bloody ‘ells...”

Dr Hayes wrote something on her notepad. She set it facedown on the small side table next to her chair. “What’s bothering you, Jocelyn?”

Joci gnawed at the raw cuticle. It came off in her mouth, flooding it with the taste of metal. “I’m scare’, tha’s all...”

“Scared?” echoed Dr Hayes. “Of?”

With nothing left to fidget, Jocelyn dropped her hands into her lap. Dr Hayes passed her a tissue to wrap round her bleeding finger. She took the tissue from her and pressed on the wound, hoping it would stop soon — it had been awhile since she had chewed her nails, something which both women had noticed.

“Melody,” admitted Jocelyn. “No’ like she’s gonna ‘urt me — like punch or anythin’ — bu’ I donnae wanna lose ‘er.” She measured her words before saying them: “She means a lo’ ta me, more than ... I donnae. Et’s diffren’ than othah people, yea?”

“Do you know,” asked Dr Hayes, “if she feels the same?”

“Tha’s wot I’m scare’ of, I fink. I donnae wanna tell ‘er, bu’ I wan’ ‘er ta know.”

“You’re worried she’ll leave if she knows the extent ... how, um, much you were drinking?”

Jocelyn nodded, a tepid gesture. Like she, herself, didn’t wish to acknowledge it — as though she’d been misjudging her interest the entire time, that she wasn’t as important to Melody as Jocelyn was holding Melody. She liked waking up next to her, even if one of them was on the floor and the other was in the bed. It was comforting, secure. It feels good. Why would she endanger that?

“Aye...” said Jocelyn. She took a deep breath in, held it for a moment, and exhaled slowly. “An’ I wanna be me bes’ iffn I do tell ‘er. Wot should I do, Doc?”

Dr Hayes took her time to construct an answer. The last thing she wanted to do was imperil her patient and her patient’s budding relationship. She leaned back in her chair. She steepled her fingers. She evaluated Jocelyn — the woman who had once come to her broken and haunted, the woman who she had institutionalized at her own request, the woman she had expected to have packed it in for Boralus six months ago.

“Do what you think is right. Only you can judge the moment,” she said. Now it was her turn to be surprised. She actually believed her patient to have gained something — wisdom.

( @kat-hawke for Fiske / Dr Hayes | also: this is obliquely tied to a @zeehva NPC, Mrs Stanley )

[whenimgoodandready]

What is this? Who is that in that picture? And what is “Miraculous Ladybug”? (researches through my Tumblr blog archives) Well, apparently I’m a young woman who has a social media blog that writes these reviews (and rebloging interesting posts for other things) for a French children’s animated show and points things out along with expressing my opinion on each episode! Okay, I don’t remember watching this episode, but I’ll see it again and go through the rest of my reviews to help refresh my memories (rewatches “Oblivio” again, reads through the previous reviews and checks out the shows wiki), Okay, so here’s what I discovered:

*Oblivio-So I found the English dub of this episode and get this, this Ladybug and Cat Noir are costumed superheroes who wake up in an elevator with no memory of who one another is or what had happened before and they detransform as teenagers in front of each other! Ladybug is this clumsy French-Chinese baker girl named Marinette Dupain-Cheng and Cat Noir is this sheltered rich male model guy named Adrien Agreste and not only do they have amnesia, but their Kwamies, which are these “bugmice/genies”, have amnesia too! I read that this wasn’t the first time they had a “reveal”, but the last one had their eyes closed for an owl villain named “Dark Owl” (and he was their principal?). Marinette looks really cute and Adrien looks adorable as well.

They get out of the elevator and after going through their bags and pockets discover their identities and realize they need to stay away from this supervillain (that person in the picture) named Oblivio who can erase people’s memories and is the one responsible for all this. Marinette and Adrien try to call their parents for help, but Adriens father, a fashion designer named Gabriel, isn’t answering and to my horror, it was cuz he’s the major supervillain, Hawk Moth, who creates these supervillains to get Ladybug and Cat Noirs miraculouses (those magic earrings/ring respectively) and give him God-like powers! And his son doesn’t know about it along with him not knowing he’s a superhero! Shocking! Marinette, however, gets in contact with her mom and she lets her know about Ladybug and Cat Noir which makes her realize they need to keep their alter egos a secret and fight Oblivio. Problem? They don’t know how to transform and use their powers! Womp! Womp! Womp! Despite that, they pretty much handle everything with quick thinking and analysis. Hmm, smart kids!

One of the Kwamies, the black cat looking one, Plagg, is a lazy and stinky camembert cheese obsessed fellow who was all, “Screw this I’m outta here” and leaves the kids and the other Kwamie, the cute ladybug looking one, Tikki, to fend for themselves. What a selfish little........thing. Oblivio almost catches the gang, but Marinette uses a skill that was almost like Ladybugs power, “Lady-vision”, and they send Oblivio away. Lol! What a dumb villain.

Marinette and Adrien believe they’re a couple from one another’s pictures on their phones and I read that there’s this “love square” where it’s just the two of them along with their alter egos and here’s how it goes: Adrienette:one sided secret crush on Marinettes side, Ladynoir:one sided open crush on Cat Noirs side, Marichat:strictly platonic and Ladrien:mutual secret crush. Oh God! This is so frustrating! Everyone’s stressing out about it from the comments I read! And the two don’t even know about their own secret identities out of safety reasons! This is Season 3 and they still haven’t figured it out yet! What!? How do they keep this show going!? Is this what’s keeping the ratings up!? I also found out I’m all for Adrienette cuz, they can’t be superheroes forever! It was cute however that they got to fall in love with each other all over again ღ. They’re such a cute couple. I see that they’re very parallel with each other too. Are these two written in stone!? “Marinette Dupain-Cheng and Adrien Agreste, Forever”!? Cuz they’re like, two halves of a whole fated couple!

Marinette researches through her phone (like how I’m trying to remember with all this) and finds a video depicting what occurred before the elevator incident and sees that as Ladybug, she drew a picture of a phone and a turtle next to it as a reminder, so she goes through her contacts and finds a turtle pic with the name Fu, Master Fu. He’s this hundred year old Chinese man who’s this “guardian” of the Miracule Box and is the one who gave Marinette and Adrien their miraculouses when Hawk Moth first showed up. He lets them know about who they are and how to use their powers, so Tikki transforms Marinette into Ladybug while sadly, Adrien is stuck without Plagg :(.

Later, Plagg comes back after a guilt trip of “psychological harassment” from seeing Adriens posters all over Paris (Lol! They’re literally signs) and transforms him as Cat Noir. As they battle Oblivio with their enhanced flexibilities and reflex’s that they forgot how to use, so they just do the dodge and shield moves. Ladybug reads through her instructional manual on her yo-yo weapon that pretty much does everything (like Cat Noirs baton) and finds out she has to destroy the weapon the supervillain has and purify the hakuna matata akuma that transformed them into a supervillain. Huh, who knew butterflies could be evil? Not to mention it’s Season 3 and Hawk Moth still hasn’t defeated them yet! He did come close, too close, but thanks to Ladybugs “good luck” power, they always come out victorious! However, he finds out that they’re “love” for each other could be their downfall! Don! Don! Don! You know, from what I saw in my research, they’re love is mostly what gets them in trouble, this is gonna be a toughie for young hormonal teenage superheroes.

Oblivio is defeated and it turns out, they were Marinette and Adriens best friends, Alya and Nino, respectively. Alya is an aspiring journalist who blogs more about Ladybug than I do and is a fox superhero named Rena Rouge and Nino is a hip hop cultured D.J who’s Alyas boyfriend and also a turtle superhero named Carapace (wait, there are two turtles?), except they know their identities compared to the other two heroes. They got akumatized cuz they snuck off during a field trip to play a babyish app game on their tablet and they got caught and humiliated and due to that negative emotion, Hawk Moth targeted them and turned them into Oblivio to make people forget their incident and spread villainy. Before the final clean up with the Miraculous Ladybug power that fixes up all the damages that have been done, Ladynoir shares a kiss and then, BOOM! Instant mind erase! They go back to their old feelings for each other. Marinette was embarrassed that she kissed Cat, but hey! It’s not like it was the first time from what I discovered *cough*”DarkCupid”*cough* whereas Adrien was thrilled, but sadly forgot about it again! Lol, sorry kid.

Looking back on my reviews, I changed it throughout the years. Starting 2015, I wrote these reviews by using those Ladybug emojis as the frames and by the second season, I used bigger ladybug pics as frames and then in this season, I used these prettier ladybugs and added in pictures! The more I researched this show, the more I grew to love it! It has all my favorite things:Paris, France, cats, cute characters, bright colors, nice music, comedy, adventure and interesting plot lines that gets darker the more I watch it! I even found out I collect their action dolls and play with them on my Eiffel Tower lamp. There’s even a web series and movie of this show and I wanna see all of it! I even wrote a mini fanfic about this episode plot and it was really funny. It was practically the first 30 seconds of this episode! Wow! I really am a writer! I also found out I met some new friends on here that love the show too and we discuss our thoughts and feelings of it like this one blogger @vulpineveritas whom I first show these reviews before the public as feedback. She’s real nice and you know what? I-(the Miraculous Ladybug power takes effect and restores my memories) Whoa! What happened!? (looks through my amnesiac written review) Aw man! Now I have to rewrite this whole review with my up-to-date mind set! :P.

[ellana-ravenwood]

#MyParentsAreLosers - Batmom x Batfam

I couldn’t bring myself to write a “depressed Batmom” story today, and I really wanna write it well and all so...here’s a silly thing for you, to “wait” for an actual story. Warning : it’s stupid and not greatly written, probably a bit of a mess (I wrote that in three days, with 5 minutes available each day to do it so yeah...messy) This was requested (anonymously), a story about the Batboys introducing Batmom and Bruce to Instagram and Snapchat, but I can’t find the original message anymore so...Here, if you read this anon’, I hope you’ll like it :-) (I hope all of you guys will like it) :

You can find my masterlist here : @ella-ravenwood-archives

__________________________________________________

It’s Alfred who discovered it. 

He read it in the Gotham Daily (neither you nor Bruce ever had time to read any newspapers, besides, both of you were getting a bit tired about the fact that almost every “news” was about you and him...). 

As he was reading the article, for the first time in years, Alfred let it go. Thanks God he was alone in the house that day, as he bursted out in a loud and ridiculous laughter ! 

It made him laugh for hours, in fact (Damian and Tim coming home from school ruining his fun), and oh he had to tell you guys but...his majordome ways kept him from plainly coming to you and outright telling you. 

At first, he tried to leave the actual article in places you could see it. 

On the kitchen counter, for example, while you took your breakfast...But you never paid attention to anything before your third cup of coffee, even if it was right there in front of you, and by then Bruce would have joined you and you and him would be too focused on each other to realize that this damn article was on the kitchen counter !! AND OH MY GOD COULD YOU STOP KISSING AND LOOK AT THIS DAMN PIECE OF PAPER RIGHT IN FRONT OF YOU ?! But it was too late, your kids were coming in and your focus would slightly shift from Bruce to them, the article would fall into the Oblivion as you just completely ignored it while doing your traditional conversation with your family. It was an old routine Alfred knew by heart. 

He tried to put it in the bathroom, and found it soaked and teared...It was something, really, how you and Bruce could be so observant sometimes, and yet so blind some others. 

He also tried the bed, laying it on your pillow where he’d be sure you’d find it...But the day he did that, Bruce came home early from patrol and you rushed upstairs rather fast and...Alfred found the sticky and...oh he’d rather not think about it, and just imagined that you guys were very sweaty when sleeping and...Let’s just never mention that episode ever again. 

He put it on the computer in the Batcave, and found it, days later, under Bruce’s seat. How did it got there ? He had no idea, but what was sure is that the greatest detective in the World, the Goddamn Batman, didn’t notice that stupid piece of paper RIGHT ON HIS KEYBOARD ! 

His last resort was the library, where you spend most of your free times when the boys and Bruce weren’t around...He placarded it everywhere, putting it in every single books you were most likely to read that day and...What did you do ? Enter the damn library reading something already, so of course you didn’t pay attention to any of the articles, and you even used a few articles as bookmarks...Oh dear...

Alfred decided that it was time to stop trying to be subtle (though he could admit that his poor attempts at making you read this particular newspaper articles weren’t really “subtle”). 

He gave up one morning, after three weeks of trying to make you guys read that damn article, and just shoved it in your face, right in front of the cup of coffee you were about to drink, so that you just HAD to read it. 

“The children of the Wayne households post a series of pictures of their parents, and it goes viral” was the title of it.

What ?

It was early in the morning, and it took you a while before starting to understand what was happening. 

To understand that your sons apparently kept posting pictures on the internet, of you and Bruce, with the caption (or “hashtag” as they called it) : #MyParentsAreLoosers, followed by the sentence “But I still love them”. 

And oh the pictures they took...When did they even took those ?! 

The articles only had three pictures to illustrate their words, and it was enough for you to feel overly embarrassed and mortified. 

One picture was you and Bruce making out on the couch, clearly about to fall as the movements caught by the camera showed it rather well. The caption read : “#MyParentsAreLoosers but I still love them. They fell right after this picture, and thanks God stopped being gross when they spotted me.” with a little face vomiting at the end of it (later they’d tell you it’s called an “emoji”). It was apparently from Dick’s account and why would he take pictures of it if it was grossing him out ? You remember that day, that damn kid came in the living room super fast and scared you and Bruce, which propped the both of you to fall off the couch...Was it done on purpose ?! 

The second picture was of some of your dance moves and...When the Hell did was this taken ? You remember when it was, after a charity happening at Wayne Manor, after they should have been ALL IN BED. You and Bruce, a bit inebriated, stayed behind and reenacted that Mia and Vincent Vega scene from Pulp Fiction...It showed Bruce in mid-movement as he was making some silly “boogie moves”, and you doing the famous “I’m diving” dance move and...oh God it looked utterly ridiculous. The caption read : “#MyParentsAreLosers, but I still love them. Staying past their bed times to dance like idiots...Yup, sounds about right”, and was posted by Tim. 

The third and last picture was taken by Damian with the caption : “#MyParentsAreLosers, but I still love them. #Goodmemories though I suck at selfies” and was a picture taken right at the right moment, while you and Bruce were laughing your asses off. A little part of your son’s head was in frame, right under your neck, and...Actually this one wasn’t that bad. 

Still, reading this article made you blush more and more and when Bruce entered the kitchen, you shoved it in his face just like Alfred did, while the butler was looking at the both of you obviously very amused. 

Bruce started to read the article automatically, without really registering what he was reading until...Wait ? What ? “The four Wayne boys, the most famous children in Gotham City, are trending in the World with their #MyParentsAreLosers ! In a matter of months they achieved an insane amount of followers and became the most subscribed instagram accounts ever ! Besides their hilarious post about their famous parents, they also post selfies of themselves that got also quite a lot of likes. And comments, often talking about...”

-WHAT ?! 

Bruce’s reaction makes you jump but...you understand. What indeed ? 

That’s when your sons enter the kitchen and, just by looking at the two of you, and at Alfred smirking face...They know they’re in trouble. 

************

Because they added “but I still love them” to their ridiculous “#MyParentsAreLosers” thing, you forgave them faster. Bruce was a bit harder to, as he hated when paparazzis posted pictures of him and you without their consent so, his own sons ? He almost felt like it was a betrayal but you laughing at him for being so dramatic soothed him. 

You were right. Besides, they did add “but I still love them” (even Jason and Damian, who really weren’t the cheesy type), and that was cute. 

You “forced them” to show them their accounts and...after mocking them for posting pictures of their abs and muscles (”who’s the real loser uh ?”), you looked at all the pictures they posted that the article was talking about. 

It really was a serie, as there were many MANY pictures. Some of them were adorable (you and Bruce asleep in each other’s arms for example), some others really embarrassing (you and Bruce asleep in each other’s arms...mouth open and drooling). 

You glared at them as they were snickering at you and your husbands while you were scrolling through all the pictures. They knew you wouldn’t really do anything to them because in a way, you thought this was hilarious but...oh they were wrong. 

You weren’t going to do anything bad, oh no. You were just going to attack them on one of their biggest flaw : their pride. You had a plan. And you knew Bruce would follow. 

-So...Who started it ? 

His three little brothers had no remorse ratting him out, and Dick looked at you with a very fake sorry look that made you smile. 

-Alright then...Dickie, you’re the one that’s gonna show us how this instagram and snapchat things are working. 

-...Wh...What ? 

************

Teaching you and his father how to use instagram and snapchat wasn’t as bad as he thought it was gonna be. You both quickly understood, but really, he should have guessed...After all, you monitored the bat computer every night, and Bruce was a genius, of course you would get how silly photo apps would work ! Though there were a few...misunderstanding about Snapchat : 

-Why would I want to send a picture only for a few seconds to someone ? 

Bruce asked, a bit confused about how useful this thing really was. And when Dick explained : 

-Well, it’s just to tell people how your day is going you know ? To show what you do and all. 

Bruce became even more confused and call the app “completely pointless”, owing him a roll of the eyes from his son...who quickly stopped when he looked at you. Ok. He was showing you guys how things were working, and since he made a fool of you and your husband online, wasn’t allowed to roll his eyes at you. Alright. Gotcha. 

But really, it took you just a few hours for you and him to get both applications down, and Dick left, carefree, thinking he got out of everything pretty easily. Thinking posting ridiculous pictures of his parents online was worth it and...Oh but he wasn’t ready for what you were about to do. 

And so, as you learned how to use Instagram and Snapchat, phase one of your revenge plan started. 

************

You observed what your sons were posting about, to see what was most liked and such...

Damian seemed to be the one that cared the least about his social media...Seemed only, as you saw him refresh pages of his insta regularly to see how many likes he got. He mainly posted about his animals, selfies with them, and his brothers that he would also #MyPets (oh that boy). His selfies were always very cute, with him half-smiling and all. 

Tim would post about nerdy stuffs, talking about computers and all, showing off his gears, but he would also post “ingenue” pictures of himself. Like playing guitar or looking out a window...Thinking he was so damn cool. Pictures of his abs and all were both amusing and awkward to you, and reading people’s comments ? Oh my god. 

Dick would post videos of himself doing flips and such. And selfies, oh so many selfies. Mirror pics of his abs too...What was with those boys and their muscles ? You were pretty sure if Bruce did it too, he would break Instagram (he was rather muscular...but also, his chest was littered with scars so probably he shouldn’t do that to the risk of people getting suspicious). 

Jason would post about his motorcycle, about trespassing in different parts of Gotham (uh) and selfies...And damn pictures of his abs. Flexing his muscle for the camera, looking all smug and all. 

On all of their accounts, the pictures that seemed to have the more likes (except for the abs pics and the #MyParentsAreLosers serie) were their selfies...Interesting. 

************

You didn’t tell Bruce what you were about to do, because you just KNEW he would ruin it. It wasn’t mean of you, it was just that...keeping a secret for him wasn’t always easy. 

You’d think that being the Batman and keeping it secret for so long would make him a master at not saying anything about secrets right ? But no. Whenever it concerned you messing around with the boys, he would let it out somehow. 

He would never actually downright tell your plans but...he’d smirk when they would be around, laughing to himself and staring at them and, eventually, your boys would guess that you and him would be up to something, and diffused your prank before you could even do it. 

SO you didn’t tell anything to Bruce, and kept on with your revenge. 

And oh they didn’t see it coming. 

************

You definitely took them by surprise. How could they have guessed ? 

They thought it was rather funny, how you would only post pictures of Wayne Manor’s garden, making comments about it like : “oh I love green” or some silly things like this. Or post super cheesy inspirational quote. You were such a mom. Posting about flowers and books and tea...They secretly loved it. 

Bruce would post only about food and would fanboy over you, though he was far from being good at taking pictures. It was really REALLY cute really how often he posted things about you, obviously completely in love with you...Your sons particularly liked that time he posted a picture of your back, just your back, not even your neck, or arms or anything, and captioned it : “My wife is so beautiful #truebeauty”...It was so laughable and cheesy ! He only scoffed at them and said “but she is beautiful” when they pointed out that he posted only your back, and you ? Oh you could only kiss him passionately because it wasn’t often your Bruce was that cute. You knew he loved you, there wasn’t a doubt about this but...carefree moment where he could just show you and tell you he did were very rare. 

You both quickly gained a lot of followers, Bruce having more than you because...Well, it was Bruce Wayne, and many people were so jealous of the fact he seemed to have eyes only for you, of the fact that it was clear he was just so damn in love with you (his most liked pictures was of you laying on him on the couch, asleep...he hash tagged it with the word “selfie” though technically it wasn’t one, as only the lower part of his body was in frame, and not an inch of his face...). 

The local celebrities papers (and national too really) made articles about the famous Waynes opening Instagram and snapchats accounts too, and published ridiculous interviews of random people you didn’t even know about talking about how great it was that you were now on social medias, though it was a bit pretentious, like you were nourishing your “narcissist”...Uh. What narcissist side ? Neither of you ever posted pictures of yourselves. 

Yes. People were thrilled you guys were posting but...after months of Bruce only posting about food he was getting in restaurants, or that were cooked by Alfred, and part of your body captioned “I love my wife”, and you only posting garden pictures and inspirational quotes...the hyped died down completely. 

You still got a steady amount of likes but...it was nothing compared to your sons’ pictures, wether it was selfies of themselves (alone, together or with friends), of their damn abs, or those famous “#MyParentsAreLosers” pictures. 

Until one day, you posted your very first selfie. 

Both apps almost crashed at the amount of likes you got. It was more than all your sons’ combine ! You bragged about it a bit, but this was still fine. After your first selfie you stopped for a while and they still had more followers and all...Still, if their mom was getting more instagram famous than them ? Like, they didn’t really need to be instagram famous, they were already harassed enough when going out in the streets just for being Waynes (though wearing very casual clothes always helped being incognito), but they were all very VERY competitives, and they were having a little contest about who had the most followers for a while now, and who received the most snapchat reacting to their snaps. You couldn’t win ! Their pride was challenged. 

They posted even more selfies and sneaky pictures of you and Bruce after that...and you let them think you stopped with the selfies for months before...before your big attack. 

************

You launched #MyKidsAreAdorkable a Sunday afternoon, your children would remember this forever. 

It made the headline of every celebrities magazine the next day. 

After posting your usual garden pics and other inspirational quotes that only grandma liked...You dared to do it. To challenge your boys. Only, you won before they could retaliate. 

You blew the number of likes. Set a new record. 

And your partner in crime ? A picture of Bruce and your boys, a bundle of cuddle, asleep on the couch in front of “Singing in the rain”. Your husband was sitting in the middle of the couch, Damian was in his lap, cuddled up against him, Jason and Dick on each sides of him, and Tim was asleep across them all. It was the cutest picture ever, but also very embarrassing for your teenagers who kept posting manly pictures of their abs and stuffs. 

And from that fateful Sunday and on, you kept going. 

You destroyed them on the “follower part”, and once Bruce understood your plan, he started doing the same, posting selfies with you (a favorite of everyone, the two famous Waynes together, being all lovey dovey), or sneaky pictures of the boys. 

Damian and Tim fighting (”#MyKidsAreAdorkable, Baby number 3 and 4 started to fight for the last cookie, without knowing I actually ate it hours ago”)

Jason falling asleep on his motorcycle, his helmet still on (”#MyKidsAreAdorkable. Today baby number 2 fell asleep in his helmet, and I’m too afraid to move him in fear of him being startled and head butting me with that thing”).

Dick just waking up and yawning (#MyKidsAreAdorkable, baby number one being oh so attractive...ladies, he’s single, look at that handsome face”) and of course, this picture was the worst ever. 

Selfies with Alfred were also a public’s favorite, because they were always so hilarious...And after popular demand, Alfred opened his own Instagram account under the pseudo of : “BetterButler”...Uh. 

You and Bruce quickly became the most followed account in the World, and constantly bragged about it to your kids, until you finally thought it was enough, that they “paid” enough, and that you dug in their pride enough. 

Besides, you managed to take pictures of their grumpy faces and posted them and the comments and teasing they got after that was definitely enough haha. 

So you posted less and less #MyKidsAreAdorkable pictures, and they posted less and less #MyParentsAreLosers ones and...all of your instagram accounts became a sort of family album. Pictures of you guys together, still the occasional embarrassing photos but mainly all of you loving each others and...Haha who were you kidding ? Of course your accounts were mostly filled with embarrassing pictures of each others ! 

You guys loved them, though you’d never admit it and acted like you were vexed by them (Bruce was particularly good at that, acting like he was genuinely bothered by the very unattractive pictures of him you would post sometimes...or was he serious ? But of course he wasn’t, and when he was starting to pout like a child, you knew it was just a joke). 

You all couldn’t help yourself, and it was really a competition about “who would take the most embarrassing picture ever ?” ! But there were also lots of pictures of you being a happy family. Pictures of birthdays, of smiles, of tough days turned awesome because of the support you all gave each others...

Pictures of laughter, dancing, hugging, kissing...Pictures that perfectly represented the love you all had for each others. 

But still, mainly pictures with funny, sarcastic and witty caption, of something one of you would have done that was just very embarrassing (a favorite of your sons would be the one they took of the kitchen after you tried to cook that one time...it was a mess, a war zone, so awful !). 

************

In the end, this Instagram thing was actually pretty good. You quickly gave up Snapchat, not understanding the point either (though this dog filter ? Hilariously awesome). 

It was funny, how Bruce would get jealous of the number of likes you’d get on your selfies...not because you were getting more than him, but because he didn’t like people saying you were “so damn beautiful”, only him was allowed too ! And oh how cute you thought his jealousy was (though he would always act like he wasn’t actually jealous, asking you discreetly who “that guy” was who said you were hot...as if you knew personally everyone who posted comments on your pictures...). Hell, he even tracked down a dude who once said that he would “tap that” talking about you, and hacked into his internet system, delating all his files...You thought it was very petty, but also quite cute. You always had your knight in a shining armor protecting you...Though you never needed him. 

Whenever you had rude comments on your pictures, any of them, you’d just post a snarky remark back and humiliate them. 

When you started to post pictures of Dick, Jason and Tim when they were younger...oh man their reactions were the best. So entertaining. Really, they started to regret ever starting that “#MyParentsAreLosers” thing, because if they never did, neither you nor Bruce (or Alfred) would be on Instagram....

************

Dick Grayson would forever regret the day he introduced his parents to social medias...but at the same time, not. He would never admit it, but he LOVED seeing pictures of him and his brothers being all together, or of his parents being in love, of his surrogate grandfather thinking he was cool and...of his family in general. Whenever he felt sad, he would go on those instagram account and recall all of those happy moments forever accessible on the Internet. It was a great comfort really, in difficult moments. For him, but not only. For Jason, too. And Tim. Damian as well. And when one of them would be badly injured, for you and Bruce too. And for Alfred, too. Those pictures would be forever there, for them to see when needed...And oh sometimes, sometimes they needed it. 

Besides, years later, those now dead since a long time accounts would help them remind them of how you and Bruce looked like. Once you’ll be gone, those pictures on the internet, that you posted just to get your revenge, would help them remember their mom and dad, their smiles and their love...Yes, it seemed silly at first, this all Instagram thing, but in the end, it became overly important. To all of them. 

_______________________________

Sorry I haven’t posted any fics for a while and came back with such a shitty one. It’s so messy, going everywhere and nowhere at the same time. Sorry. Anyway. Hum. Yes. The End. 

[ava-rosier]

Ta-dah, have a preview of my Theonsa tumblr fic. More like ‘I wanna prove to @theonbaejoys and @soapieturner that I haven’t forgotten about it’. It’s untitled because I haven’t thought up the perfectest wittiest title yet. 

Rated Mild-for-Theon, with a little kick.

“I can't believe I've never done this before.”

“What- slept with me?” Theon wriggles his eyebrows suggestively.

By this point in her life, having known him for fourteen years, Sansa's eye roll is reflexive. “Me on your couch while you were in your bed doesn't count as sleeping together. Or is the number of women you've claimed to have had sex with inflated?” she retorts, making Theon hold his hands out in show a of halfhearted self-defense. She knows he isn't offended, he's teased her worse than this and she's snapped back at him harder than this.

“Hey now, don't go casting aspersions on my ability to count. I'll have you know every single woman left me knowing I'd fucked them so good their mothers probably felt it before they were even born.”

Sansa groans at the tasteless modifier; he snickers. This is classic Theon; he's always been a horndog chasing after girls and, to hear Robb tell it, he's equal opportunity about college women and horny divorcées nowadays.

She holds up her wine glass, waving it in front of his face. “I meant this. I've never drank alcohol before nine in the morning. Actually I don't think I've ever drank alcohol before noon. And drinking at a club at two a.m. doesn't count!” She rushes to add the last before he could catch her on a technicality.

“Math and alcohol at 8:38 on a Sunday morning. Well, you can always count on me to provide you with new experiences here, Princess.” The old nickname rolls off his tongue easily, but it settles on her differently.  Here, thousands of leagues south of where they'd grown up, Theon's pet name for her feels like a special, secret language shared by only them, that no one else knows.

Blinking away this strange, intrusive thought, Sansa glances around the empty pub backyard instead. It's a chilly Sunday morning in Blackcrown and the skies are just gray, gray, and more gray. Even with the building in the way of the wind, it blows strongly enough that droplets of rain periodically hit her in the face. The Salty Hoar has all the markings of a dive bar: sticky, banged up wooden tables that rock unsteadily when you place any weight on them, chairs that don't match, and a very basic bar selection that reluctantly includes some greasy fare. She can see how Theon loves it.

Despite the cloudy day, they both wear sunglasses, and neither can claim to be hungover. The shades do make them look like they have no fucks to give, which perfectly accessorizes the Naval-brand sweats she is borrowing from Theon to wear on the train back to Oldtown in lieu of the rather fussy and dramatic black dress she'd worn the night before, which is now folded up in a plastic shopping bag.

This is the strangest walk of shame she's ever taken.

She takes advantage of the relative anonymity provided by the sunglasses to study the man sitting next to her. Theon slouches in his chair, looking out at the homes and businesses situated on the hill below them, leading to the shoreline. He's always been boisterous and cocksure, perpetually in motion and in your face. But now there's a genuine self-assurance about him, a contrast from his teenage years. Clearly the military has been good for him.

His head nods to the rhythm of a song only he can hear, fingers lightly drumming on the side of his glass. Sansa isn't sure why it feels so alien to be sitting here with Theon Greyjoy, someone she's known over half her life- laughing and talking with him until her cheeks hurt.

Robb. That has to be it. The answer comes to her with the sort of quiet clarity that makes her feel external to the moment. She had only ever interacted with Theon as Robb's best friend. That has to be why it feels so...taboo...to be here without Robb in between them.

“Thanks again for rescuing me last night and letting me crash at your place.” Harry had never treated her particularly nicely, she could see that now. But what she'd thought was a sweet summer flirtation that could grow more serious had only become tense and distant once the fall term had begun and everyone was back in Oldtown.

He'd been too cowardly to tell her outright he didn't want to be in a relationship anymore and instead had resorted to treating her like shit until she got fed up and called him out on it. Of course, she had decided the last straw was when they were out of town and he kept passively-aggressively complaining about every activity Sansa wanted to do. Hence how she had ended up abandoned in an unfamiliar place at a very late hour of the night.

Theon shakes his head, making a little moue with his mouth. “Nah, don't worry about it. And I meant what I said before. I know some guys. Just say the fucking word and we'll castrate this douchenozzle.” He sounds gleeful at the thought.

A wave of fondness sweeps through her.  She's glad, rather than irritated, with her older brother now for having the foresight and determination to put Theon's number in her phone before she moved so far away from her family. “There's no need. I am in a sorority, after all, and all I have to do is tell a few of my sisters what Harry did, and they'll spread the word. He'll be symbolically castrated at the Cit.” She smirks as she fishes through her purse for her phone, having now remembered Margaery's demands of an update this morning. Her friend might actually be awake by now.

“A patented Sansa Stark revenge, nice!” Theon whistles before taking another slow pull of his beer. “I always knew you were gonna be a sorority chick by the way.”

Sansa arches an eyebrow. “Did you now?”  He looks altogether too smug, chest all puffed out.

“Yup.  In high school, you and your girlfriends were into the whole 'wear tiny pajama shorts and have pillow fights to tease the boys' thing. That cute friend of yours, Beth? It always was obvious she wanted a bounce on Robb's cock. Sororities are basically the same thing, just times ten.”

Sansa is torn between gagging at that mental picture, and smacking him over the head because of the warped stereotype about sorority girls. “One: I really don't need to hear about my brother's penis, thank you. And two: we don't have pillow fights, we support each other and organize charities,” she argues. He is unrepentant, however.

“No, but you get all dolled up and go clubbing, don't you? I betcha have lots of guys panting after those legs of yours in a tight skirt.” If it weren't for the sunglasses, Sansa suspects she would see Theon's eyes roving over her body. Did you pant after my legs in those tiny pajama shorts? She wonders with a small frisson of excitement.

“Maybe so.” To distract herself from the way her body is flushing, she scrolls through her notifications before unlocking her phone. Bran had texted her something with the latest meme sweeping through the internet, one or two of her friends had asked what her plans tonight were, and there are a few Tumblr notifications.

“Anything from Dick Move?”

“Nope. I kind of want to block his number outright,” she admits, “but I'm also hoping he'll try to get a booty call out of me someday just so I can completely ignore his text.”

Theon slides his palm through the air in front of him. “Read 10:23 pm.”  He chortles at the thought.

“Exactly.”

She goes to her Tumblr app, promising herself she won't eat through most of her monthly data in one go.  When the page loads, there's a gifset from her favorite historical fantasy show, she makes sure to like it on the spot. Before she can stop him or tilt her phone away, Theon's bending his head close to see what she's got on the screen.

"You’ve got a Tumblr too? No fucking way!” he exclaims.

Why does he have to be so loud? At least she doesn't live in this town and there's barely anyone within earshot. Sansa hisses as she hits the home button on her phone, glaring reproachfully at him. “What's so 'no fucking way' about me having a Tumblr?”

He shrugs, shaking his head in the way men do when they know better than to tell the truth. “Nothing, I'm just surprised. Dunno why.” There's something different about his attention now, even though she can't see his eyes.

“Too. You said 'too'. That means you've got one. If anything I should be surprised you're on that site,” she says accusingly.

“What can I say, I'm a man of surprising depths.” She snorts at that, which he accepts with good humor. He snaps his fingers and points at her, grinning. “You know what you should do? You should give me your url.”

She gives him a look like that's the stupidest thing in the world. “I'm not sure I want you to know the depths of some of my fandom obsessions.”

“Come on,” he cajoles. “It's Uncle Theon-”

“Ok, that is so creepy. Never do that again.”

“Fine. But my point still stands. It's me. D'you think there's much that's going to shock me?”

She bites her lip and contemplates it. Maybe it's the weirdness and giddiness of having wine in the early morning, but Sansa finds herself grabbing a pen and scribbling her url down on a napkin and handing it to Theon, who slides his sunglasses to the top of his head to read it.

“'lemoncakess'. Cute. I bet it's very aesthetic.” As he chuckles at the url that had taken forever for her to settle upon (all the good ones she wanted were being hoarded), Sansa finds herself mentally scrolling through her tumblog's archive, trying to remember if there were any incriminating text posts or embarrassing reblogs.

“Don't diss the aesth. I bet yours is full of shitposting.”

“And then some.” He winks, folding the napkin and shoving it into his jacket. “Expect a visit from T-money in the next few days.”

“Is that your url?” It's horrid enough that she's cringing with secondhand embarrassment.

Her assumption only gets her an eye roll. “Nah. I just figured that if 'Uncle Theon' didn't fly, then neither would referring to myself as 'Big Daddy'.”

“But T-money seemed more acceptable?”

“It's what my buddies call me. It all started this one time I was dared to act like a stripper at a bar. I had tons of chicks- and some dudes- sticking their easily-earned stags in my smalls.”

“That I can believe.” She deadpans.

Theon has a wicked grin on his face even as he drains the last of his beer before grabbing his keys and standing up. “C'mon, sweet cheeks, let's get you to the station. I have the depths of a blog to plunder.”

[rizzizzsins-blog]

From the Ashes, Ch. 5

Wanna read this on Archive? Click here.

 It felt like an eternity before Dr. Dreemurr knocked.

 “Asher? May I come in? I am also bringing some other Royal Family members. You may accept or refuse to see them, and it will be completely alright.”

 “No, it’s okay,” he assented.

 The click of dress shoes let him know she was being followed. The door opened, and two very different looking goat monsters followed in behind Dr. Dreemurr.They were a couple, with rick dark hair and mahogany eyes that watched him with unreadable expressions.

 The woman introduced herself first, holding out a hand.

 “How do you do? My name is Fafriel Dreemurr, and I am the current queen of the Underfell Kingdom and its peoples. It is lovely to meet you, and to be sure that you’re alright… well, alright enough.” Her language and enunciation were a little stiff, but Asher could tell she wanted to be there. He shook her hand.

 “You’re meant to kiss it,” the male grumbled from back in his chair.

 “Gorey, he’s not one of our subjects. He’s not required to follow such outdated protocols.”

 “Hmph,” the male replied.

 “Come introduce yourself, you curmudgeon.”

 He sighed. “You’re right… I’m being unreasonable. Good afternoon, young dryad. I am King Fafgore of the Underfell Kingdom. I am pleased to see you talking and moving.”

 “Hehe, am I supposed to kiss your hand?” Asher joked, trying to loosen him up.

 There’s a beat of silence. Both women are frozen stiff.

 Then raucous laughter from the man. “Oh, goodness! You certainly know how to break the ice. In all my centuries of performing as King, not once has a male monster asked if he needed to kiss my hand, even those attracted to other males. No, you do not need to kiss my hand, but you may if you feel so inclined.”

 Asher elected to shake it. This seemed fine.

 “Excellent. Now, let’s get down to business…. Dr. Dreemurr, if you’d explain the technicalities.”

 The doctor took a deep breath, sighing with relief.

 “.... Mr. Asher, you have a serious, irreversible case of VCD I and II. Void contamination disease, and its mental counterpart, Void Contamination Disorder.”

 “What does that mean? I didn’t take past Intro To Monster Bio,” Asher admitted.

 “It means that the concentrated VOID that the Collider lets into reality to do its work has been completely absorbed into your body. It is now inseparable from you.”

 Dr. Dreemurr hands him a very outdated looking brochure.

 “I apologize for the datedness of the documentation, but this has not happened in a very long time. Anyways, VOID contamination on your level has enormous consequences on your mental stability and physical functions.”

 “Like what? You’re being pretty vague.”

 She winced. “I’m sorry…. I just really do not wish to see you suffer, child.”

 Asher swallowed. “I can take it.”

 She continued. “You have lost the ability to flower. You are infertile.”

 These weren’t really bad news, since Asher had never wanted children or flowers in the first place.

 “You are infertile both in the sense of reproduction and in a magical sense. You can no longer grow living plants with the touch of your hand, as far as we know, and your bullet patterns… I don’t know what they’re going to look like now, but please be exceedingly careful with using your magic.”

 He nodded.

 “You will experience symptoms of Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, memory loss, nonsensical or garbled memories, memories belonging to other people or timelines, random facts or premonitions that turn out to be true, headaches, and you are no longer photoreceptive. You will have to eat much more food than you are likely used to.”

 He nodded, a little more weakly.

 “Thankfully, the DTC container did not burst or puncture during the Colliding process, or we would be looking at something much worse, but I understand that this is hard news to bear…. Other symptoms include chronic pain, partial molecular and magical instability, loss of ability to heal others unless they are also contaminated, difficulty exerting your body or magic, and tremors. Considering the severity of your contamination, any of these symptoms are possible at any time. There is little we can do to mitigate these issues other than physical and psychological therapy…. I’m sorry,” Dr. Dreemurr gulped. Tears sparkled in her eyes, but she refused to let them fall.

 “So… I’m guessing I can’t go back to work.”

 Dr. Dreemurr shook her head.

 “How am I supposed to make rent? Buy groceries?”

 “You cannot. Not reliably.”

 Asher’s breath picked up. Panic was rising through his roots.

 “What am I supposed to do? Am I gonna be put away in some nursing home with a lady spoon-feeding me?!”

 “Certainly not. That would be a waste of your remaining faculties, and maddening, I’m sure, for a man as young and alert as yourself,” Fafgore stopped him. “This is where my wife and I would like to come in. We have an alternative proposition for you. You can accept or revoke your consent at any time.”

 Asher took deep breaths and tried to listen.

 Dr. Dreemurr handed him a cup of tea, his bed manifesting a table to steady it. He couldn’t drink it. His hands almost knocked the cup over until he tucked them under his thighs.

 She handed him a silly straw with a strained smile. He took it with his mouth and drank the tea in slow sips.

 It did make him feel just a little better.

 “We would like to, as the Royal Families, with my wife and I at the helm, offer you a lifelong trust fund and assistance. You would not be wealthy, but you would want for nothing. You could live in any assisted living facility you liked, or with an attendant, but you would retain your independence.”

 “That doesn’t sound very independent.”

 “It is the best we can do,” Fafgore sighed. “I know how frustrating this must be for you. A close confidant of mine underwent this many years ago.”

 Asher’s lower lip trembled.

 The last things he’d used to cope with life had been taken away.

 “W-with all respect, your Highness…. You can’t.”

 Fafgore nodded sagely. “In any case, we would like to offer you our deepest apologies for what has happened, and our assistance. This phone number is a direct line to our house. Please avoid sharing it if possible. You may contact us at any time, no matter the hour, and we will respond.” He handed Asher… a business card, amusingly enough. Asher nodded his thanks.

 “Well… we would strongly recommend that you do not drive home. Do you have a ride, or would you like us to arrange for someone?” Dr. Dreemurr asked.

 “I-- I can f-find someone on my app.”

 “Alright. Your clothes and personal items that survived are in the cabinet over there. Please use the rails if you have difficulty walking to it, but you should have about 80% faculty in your legs or more.”

 The queen of Underfell approached Asher, a slightly softer look in her harsh expression.

 She took a knee on the ground, and clasped his hand tightly.

 “My deepest apologies…. This should never have happened. If you decide to accept our assistance, you will be like my own child. You will want for nothing.”

 Fafgore and Asher both bristled a bit at the mention of children.

 “Thank you…. I need some time to think, your Highness.”

 She shook her head. “Fafriel is fine, child.”

 He nodded. Fafgore approached next. He gave Asher a deep bow, then kissed Asher’s hand.

 “You do not need to be alone. My wife and I are not the most exciting company, but our assistance will always be available to you.”

 Asher nodded again. The royal couple departed, leaving only Dr. Dreemurr.

 “I apologize if they seemed a bit over-formal… that is the nature of their kingdom.”

 “It’s okay,” Asher tried to smile.

 “I recognize this is a bit unprofessional, but… may I hug you?”

 That broke Asher. Tears rushed down his face, and he managed a yes between hitched sobs. Her fur enveloped him, and he could feel the fire of her magic imbued in her warmth.

 “I c---can’t remember the last time I was held,” he whimpered. She pulled him in closer.

 “I imagined… you have no family or partner listed in your records. I heard a young man demanding to see you, but he doesn’t seem much of a partner, if you’ll forgive me for saying.”

 Asher just assented, trying to control his breathing.

 “I j-just want us to be happy again.”

 “Take on one issue at a time, my child. Just one issue, one day, one step at a time. You may want to take some time to focus on your own happiness.”

 He stared up at her, terror and pain in his eyes.

 “.... How?”

 Dr. Dreemurr held him longer still, trying not to cry herself, before letting go.

 “Here is my number as well. There is a temporary walking stick by your clothes for you to use as you need it. I hope to hear from you, but you are not obligated to an old lady like me. Please… take care of yourself.” With that, she left.

 Asher wiped his tears up. They looked like muddy water in his hands. Disgusting. Every part of him was disgusting.

 Even so, someone probably needed this hospital room, so he took his first shaky steps off the bed, reaching for the walking stick. It was a sickly pink. He hated it, but whenever he loosened his grip on it, his knees started to buckle, so he was stuck with it for now.

 Even putting on his clothes or opening his app required several attempts, his hands spasming every time he tried to do a button or press a letter on his keyboard.

 Eventually, he managed to send a message to Scamp to pick him up.

 SCAMP: OFFLINE

 Shit. He really didn’t want anyone else to see him like this. To pick him up and wrinkle their nose.

 There was a second knock on the door.

 “Hey, princey, you still in there?”

 Asher hurriedly zipped up his jeans and buttoned his polo.

 “Y-yeah, come inside.”

 There was a snort, before the door opened. “Jesus, princey…. Let’s get you home, okay?” Cinn sighed, gently helping Asher up. It was hard to get used to the kind of tenderness that people were treating him with lately. Hopefully, gods he hoped it wasn’t pity.

 Cinn moves him into the elevator, and they head down to the parking lot.

 “Normally you could gimme an address and I’d port ya home, but I don’t wanna move you through spacetime in your state, so driving it is.”

 He walked Asher to an ‘86 Grand Prix in nearly perfect condition, a stark contrast to the walking wreck of a Lada that Scamp drove around.

 “This is certainly an upgrade.”

 “From what?” Cinn sees his phone. “Aww, please don’t tell me you’ve gotten in the walkin’ spontaneous combustion hazard that is Scamp’s car.”

 “I have. He’s actually my favorite driver on the app. Law-breaking as fuck, but he gives a smooth ride…. Uh, in the car! As a driver” Asher quickly corrected himself.

 “So ya know about Scamp’s side gig too, huh… I highly recommend. His aftercare’s the shit.”

 If Asher had been drinking anything, he would have spit it out.

 “Anyways, let’s get ya nice and comfy in there.” He scooped Asher up and placed him in the front passenger seat, bundling him up with a nice blanket.

 “I’m not an old lady, Cinn.”

 “Believe me. Yer gonna be a lot more sensitive to the temperature from now on.”

 They slowly backed out of the parking lot, and Asher gave him the address. Cinn seemed to know where he was going, until he took a wrong turn and missed an exit.

 “Whoops,” he chuckled, continuing to drive.

 After his fifth mistake, Asher caught on.

 “You’re stalling.”

 “I--err----”

 “Nope. That’s all the answer I need,” Asher chuckled dryly. “What I do wanna know is why.”

 Cinn sighed, then found a nice stretch of road to pull over in. The car came to a stop.

 “Look, I…. I’m not tryin’ ta kidnap you or anything like that. I just…. I know it’s none of my business, but I don’t really wanna take you back to that piece of shit you live with. I know his type. He’s not gonna support you in the slightest. I know you handle his bull all the time, but if he disrespects ya again in front of me like that… I don’t know if I can handle myself.”

 Asher pinched his forehead.

 “Look, Cinn. You don’t know me or him that well, and even if you’re right, we can’t avoid reality forever. So stop taking the scenic infinity route and just get me to where I need to go.”

 Cinn’s shoulders drooped a bit, but he agreed. The Grand Prix started up again, and they were at Asher’s apartment complex in five minutes.

 “Jesus fuckin’ Christ, this place is a walkin’ ADA violation. Is there a fuckin’ elevator in there?”

 Asher shrugged.

 “What floor do ya live on?”

 “9th.”

 “Please. I know I’m meddlin’ too much for your taste, but let me walk you up the stairs. I don’t trust that flimsy fuckin’ cane.”

 Asher finally smiled a bit. “Hehe, me neither. Maybe next paycheck I can….” he went silent. Cinn accepted the quiet, and they slowly worked their way up the stairs.

 As they got on the ninth floor, no thanks to the lack of handrails, Asher’s soul started to pick up. He was finally home. His bed and coffee maker were waiting for him.

 He knocked to let his partner know ahead of time that he was home. “Theo? I’m back!”

 No answer.

 “You wanna open the door? My keys got destroyed.”

 B̴̲̙͉̂ȕ̵̞̠t̴̹͆͑͆ ̴̨͋͘n̶͇̮̹̑̒o̷̲̚b̵̨͍̲̌͋̂ȯ̸̡̯̻d̷̜̳̊̇͜y̶̞̻͊ ̷̟̫̭̑c̶̟̫̠̋a̴̩̐m̵̺͚͗͛ȩ̵̢̮͆.̵̮̋̔͠

 “Theo? Theo! Look, I know you’re mad, but I really don’t have any keys.”

 n̶̹̬͇̅̔o̷̗̐̄̚b̴̢̮̈́̆̚ò̶̬d̵͎̠͆̄̚y̴̖͙̝̍͝ ̷̘̈́̾͊c̵̮͂̄ͅä̸̱͍̪̚m̷̼͋e̶͍̓͝

 ̸̮̹̫̈͛̎ṉ̶̯ȍ̶̮̔b̶̢̪͛̃͘ȏ̸̺̞̾d̷̗̼̓̂͐y̸̢̖̒͊̋ ̴͇͒c̸̞̹̑̈́a̷̮͖͊m̸̬̮͇̐̃̈́e̵̫͗

 ̶̠͝n̷̪̪͌̊ō̴̱b̴̻͌ō̶̖͝d̸͍̩̔͊͝y̶̮̞̓͐̋ ̸͔c̴̳͆a̵̖̟̓̚m̵̥̻̻̃̿̈́ę̵̪̹̉͝

 “I’m bustin’ the door down. This bastard has some fuckin’ nerve!” Cinn growled. “Can you stand on yer own for a minute?” Asher tested it, and nodded.

 “Stand back.”

 The big skeleton threw his shoulder into the door hard, busting it right off its hinges.

 Air dust flew everywhere, as if it had been settling for…

 Days.

 “... I don’t hear anything…” Asher’s voice cracked.

 “Maybe the cunt’s asleep. Let’s check it out ‘fore assuming anything.” Cinn carefully helped Asher down a couple of steps into his apartment.

 It was almost completely empty.

 His bed, his CRT television, his vintage coffee maker, his teapot, their minifridge, everything. Everything but dirty dishes, a note, and something crumpled up under one of the closets.

     “I tell you to come home at 10 PM.  

     You decide my word’s worth shit to you and go to work without even stopping by.  

     A whole week goes by and neither you nor the hospital could be bothered to contact me.  

     You’re never at home, you’re never in bed, and I’m sick of you neglecting me and acting like I don’t exist, just because I tell you things that you don’t wanna hear.  

     Sorry, but the fire’s just not there anymore.  

     Theo.”  

[femaleless-blog]

January Whole30 Prep

Okay, paleo people-who's planning to kick off 2019 with real, clean eats that are healthful, nomtastic, and Whole30®-compliant? It's close to the New Year, which means it's time to get ready for the January Whole30! This post is packed with tips and tricks on how to prepare for a successful Whole30!

To some degree, we're all suffering the aftereffects of falling into a monthlong series of deliciously dangerous food traps. After all that eggnog-guzzling and cookie-chomping, it's no wonder we're waking up with some bloating, achiness, splotchy skin, and just a teeeeeny bit of extra padding. I think it's about time to gear up again and get mindful about the foods we're putting in our bodies. Wanna join me?

Preparing for #JanuaryWhole30

Once again, starting January 1, I'll be posting Whole30-friendly paleo recipes and tips EVERY DAY right here on Nom Nom Paleo! Some will be culled from my extensive archive of Paleo recipes, while others will be dishes that are brand-new to my blog. Yes, I've done versions of this in years past, so if you're too impatient to wait for this year's edition, go check out my previous collections of Whole30 support and recipes.

Stick with me this January, and I'll stuff your brain with all sorts of hacks for surviving a Whole30, and keep you on track as you figure out how different foods affect your health and well-being. In January, you won't ever be left wondering what to cook or eat next.

Here's the twist: this year, I'm going to make sure all the January recipes I share with you are CHEAP, FAST, and/or EASY. (I mean, they won't be as cheap, fast, or easy as, say, picking up a greasy bag of fast food from the local drive-thru, but that would defeat the whole point of a healthy January reset, right?)

And as always, before jumping into a January Whole30, we're going to do a little prep. Only this time, in keeping with our theme, I'm going to keep our prep as simple as possible. Ready?

What's a Whole30?

Let's start with the basics. The Whole30 is a tried-and-true 30-day dietary reset that eliminates all the foods that may keep you from your true superhero potential. Specifically, for a whole month, you commit to cutting out the bad-for-you stuff: the foods that are most commonly problematic, like sugar, dairy, grains, legumes, alcohol, and junk foods-including those made with “healthy” ingredients. Instead, you commit to eating whole, nutrient-dense foods for 30 days. For more information about the Whole30, go check out the program rules over here.

How Does Whole30 Differ From Paleo?

I know what you're thinking: Isn't the Whole30 the same as eating paleo? Well, yes…and no. Both ways of eating are similar, in that they're about prioritizing whole, unprocessed, nutrient-rich, nourishing foods. I pretty much eat according to the Whole30 rules most of the time, which is why the vast majority of the recipes on my Paleo Recipe Index are entirely Whole30-friendly.

But the Whole30 is stricter than regular old paleo. Some people think of Whole30 as paleo without the treats, but the primary distinction is that the Whole30 has specific nonnegotiable rules and guidelines that you must follow for 30 days to complete it successfully. When you're on a Whole30, certain foods that may be seen as “Paleo-friendly” are out, so don't even think about making “paleo” Bacon Pancake Sandwiches even if the individual ingredients are technically compliant. Unfortunately, that also means that my super-yummy Paleo Pot Stickers are out until at least February 1st. Good thing you can still make my Potsticker Stir-Fry in January! (See? I got options!)

I know-it can be difficult to stick to specific food rules for 30 days. And yes, depending on what you've been eating up 'til now, it may take you a couple of weeks to adjust. But believe me: you will. And you'll feel great. By Day 30, you'll feel like a brand new person-and you'll have a much better understanding of how different foods affect your personal wellness. After the Whole30, you'll be able to systematically reintroduce foods back into your diet to see how each of them makes you feel, which'll help you develop your own nutritional blueprint. Remember: you're a special snowflake (just like everyone else!), so it's important to learn what foods make you feel like the best version of you.

Prep For Success

Is the Whole30 really hard? For some, yes: Sticking 100% to the Whole30's program rules for 30 consecutive days can be a struggle. Frankly, for many folks, sticking to ANYTHING for an entire month is super-tough. But listen to Melissa Hartwig, the headmistress of Whole30:

Your only job during the Whole30 is to focus on making good food choices. You don't need to weigh or measure, you don't need to count calories, you don't need to purchase everything organic, grass-fed, pastured, or local. Just figure out how to stick to the Whole30 rules in any setting, around every special circumstance, under any amount of stress… for 30 straight days. Your only job? Eat. Good. Food.

You can do that, right? Besides, it's a Whole30, not a Whole365 or a WholeForeverAndEverAndEver. It's just 30 days, and I'll be helping you along each step of the way!

To be perfectly honest, the biggest challenge you'll face during a Whole30 is bland, boring food. If you try to tackle a Whole30 by eating nothing but boiled chicken breasts and steamed broccoli, by Week 2, you'll be waging a full-on assault on a donut shop. That would violate the Whole30's program rules (not to mention numerous laws), so instead, follow along with me this January, and I'll keep your palates tickled with dozens of easy, flavor-forward, and super satisfying recipes!

Whole30 Resources

Wanna learn more about the Whole30? Start by devouring everything on the Whole30 website. Craving even more details? Get your hands on a copy of The Whole30-the bestselling tome that lays out the science behind this awesome dietary reset.

If you're a completist and avid reader, you should also pick up the other Whole30 books, too: The Whole30 Cookbook, The Whole30 Fast & Easy Cookbook (which includes recipes by a number of contributors-including me!), and The Whole30 Slow Cooker. These recipe books are crammed with tasty, clean eats. In addition, Melissa penned the Whole30 Day by Day, a daily handbook to keep you engaged, motivated, and accountable during your month of mindful eating. And finally, Food Freedom Forever will help you develop a personal dietary template that'll last you well beyond your Whole30.

Get Inspired!

If you're starved for inspiration, chin up! It's your lucky day: I'm a walking, talking Whole30 recipe generator.

For recipe inspiration and to whet your appetite, visit my free Recipe Index, which includes tons of step-by-step Whole30-friendly recipes. (Pro tip: For a complete list of my Whole30 recipes, scroll to the bottom of my Recipe Index page, and click on the Whole30 button. Or just bookmark this page!)

While you're at it, you can subscribe to my free weekly email newsletter to stay up-to-date on new Whole30 and Paleo friendly recipes.

And definitely follow me on Instagram, Facebook, and Pinterest for all sorts of Whole30 goodness in January (and beyond), too! You don't have to stop being paleo on February 1st!

Next, go pick up my cookbooks, Nom Nom Paleo: Food for Humans and Ready or Not! 150+ Nomtastic Make-Ahead, Make-Over and Make-Now Recipes by Nom Nom Paleo. The vast majority of the recipes in my books are entirely Whole30-friendly and 100% delicious. My latest book, Ready or Not! even includes four weeks of Whole30-friendly dinner plans!

Oh, and if you like to check off the days of your Whole30 on a wall calendar, don't forget to pick up my One and Done! 2019 Nom Nom Paleo wall calendar-it even comes with a sheet of cute stickers to keep you cooking! Plus, all the recipes in the calendar are Whole30-friendly and can be made in just one pot or pan!

If you've got an iPhone or iPad, download my Webby Award-winning cookbook app, which contains over 200 (and counting!) step-by-step Whole30-approved recipes! Get the app here!

(Note: If you already own the app but recently updated your device or iOS, the app may act up or show only a few recipes-but there's an easy solution: Completely delete the app off your device, and re-download it for free from the App Store. If you continue to have any problems, shoot me an email so I can help you troubleshoot, 'cause I want to make sure you can get cooking!)

I'm by no means the only source for Whole30 recipe inspiration. Follow Whole30Recipes on Instagram, and check out all the wonderful Paleo recipe developers (including Teri Turner, Michelle Smith, Jenn Bumb, Alex Snodgrass, Melissa Joulwan, and Ronny Joseph) who contribute to that feed.

Buddy System FTW!

In my experience, it's infinitely better to do a Whole30 with others than to go it alone. Get your family, friends, and co-workers to join you on a monthlong challenge of healthy and adventuresome cooking and eating-and you can all help each other through it. You can coach and support your pals through the many ups and occasional downs, and best of all, you'll never get bored with your food if everyone shares their Whole30 eats. Accountability works wonders!

And if no one in your immediate circle is willing to accompany you on your January Whole30, visit the Whole30 Forum, where you'll find free support from others who are on the same journey.

Stock your Whole30 pantry!

Let's start filling your kitchen with healthy food! I gave a talk at Lawrence Livermore National Labs with lots of tips on how to paleo-ize your pantry and fridge, and you can watch me do my thing over here:

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Also, click here for my epic post on how to stock your paleo kitchen and pantry like a boss.

Stock your kitchen with tools!

My cookbooks discuss the gadgets and tools I keep in my kitchen to make super-nomtastic grub, but if you want an up-to-date list of my favorite ones, head to my Amazon shopping page. These aren't arbitrary items I'm recommending- I've bought every item on the page myself after reading extensive reviews on trusted sites.

If you have the space and extra moola, an Instant Pot, food processor, and spiralizer are useful tools to buy with your holiday gift cards!

Get in the Kitchen!

Most importantly: Cook! Trust me: It's really, really hard to try to do a Whole30 without getting acquainted with your kitchen. The point of doing a Whole30 is to learn about how different foods affect you-and how can you possibly do that if you don't know exactly what's going into your mouth? As I said in Ready or Not!:

Knowing how to prep meals from scratch doesn't just make you a more rounded individual or hearty survivalist-it makes you more mindful of the ingredients you're putting in your body. By cooking at home, I know exactly what goes into my food. I never have to guess whether my dishes were cooked with ingredients that don't sit well with me.

So crack open my cookbooks, check out some Whole30 recipes for inspiration, and get in the kitchen!

Nom Nom Paleo Meal Plans

Also, before I forget: Do you aspire to be a meal prepping maven? I have four weeks of meal plans and shopping lists in our new cookbook, Ready or Not!

If you want ultimate flexibility and customizability, subscribe to Real Plans-the most amazing meal planning program around! Seriously. It's the bee's knees. There are even add-on recipe modules by yours truly, Nom Nom Paleo, as well as the Whole30, too! Check it out here!

Leftover Makeovers FTW!

“Leftovers” is not a dirty word-especially if you know how to transform your extras into exciting new meals (a.k.a. leftover makeovers). My latest cookbook, Ready or Not!, includes a big section on leftover makeovers, so definitely grab a copy and bookmark the “Kinda Ready” chapter. Prefer to simply reheat the awesome dishes you couldn't finish last night? That works, too, and is a fantastic way to stay sane on your Whole30 without feeling like you're spending the entire month in the kitchen. So remember: don't be afraid to make extra!

Okay, enough chit-chat. It's time to gear up for an awesome January! As I've said before, keep your kitchen adventures fun and your taste buds excited, and you'll cruise through the Whole30. Aren't you excited to see which foods make you feel amazing?

Ready to go? I'm all about hand-holding, encouragement, and most importantly, PEER PRESSURE-so find a buddy to take the plunge with you, and let's do this thing! Tune in here EVERY DAY in January and I'll cheer you on!

P.S. Got questions for me or tips for your fellow Whole30 participants? Please post 'em in the comments!

A note to my Nomsters: This is one of a series of daily blog posts I'm writing in the month of January 2019 to help those doing a Whole30 to kick off the New Year. Not sure what the Whole30 is, or want info on how to get started? Read my Whole30 prep post-and then come back to Nom Nom Paleo every single day for recipes to inspire, delight, and sustain you on your Whole30!

Looking for more recipe ideas? Head on over to my Recipe Index. You'll also find exclusive recipes on my iPhone and iPad app, and in my cookbooks, Nom Nom Paleo: Food for Humans (Andrews McMeel Publishing 2013) and Ready or Not! (Andrews McMeel Publishing 2017)!

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