#but i can poke it even and the piercing doesnt give a shit

[orcelito]

Need to get better about protecting my eyebrow piercing 🥺🥺🥺🥺 I keep bumping it on things and it hurts oh so very much. And I just a bit ago bumped it on my cat (Tally) while I was dipping my head to nuzzle against her back. And Ouch. I was cleaning it soon after (evening routine cleaning) and it ended up bleeding again and it's like. Woopsies........

[zushimart]

Sometimes I think ab e,barrasing teen scara and him being like. So obsessed with breaking rules & shit but still not being brave enough to do anything serious. Like he fucked up his sleep schedule at 16 & didn't take care of himself and now adult scara goes to sleep at 8pm and does skincare and all that jazz and just. Cringes whenever he remembers his teen years

Also consider: Him struggling for three months to tell ei he wants to shop at hot topic and her being like "ok. where is it" once he tells her and he just wants to kill himself because why didn't he say it sooner

Youre so right its not even funny. i know u said not anything serious but i can see him doing stereotypical shit like. his Short Cigarette arc that landed him on daily corticosteroids to control his asthma & his sneaking out arc and his bad at-home stick & poke that blew out so bad it looks like clouds arc. He’s so piercing in the high school bathroom for 10 bucks and a fruit roll up and going home to yae placing a bet against him whether it will reject in a week or not while ei bangs her head against the wall bc her son doesnt want to Straighten Up and become a Lawyer or something. he would do all this and still be on honor roll etc etc because thats like his limit. his “too far” is slacking and getting an a- . Yeah ugly at home tattoo is fine but a Tarnished academic record is… *clutches his chest* it’s too much.. and years later he looks back on it all and is like “what the hell was i up to trying to give myself Serious infections .”

[omegawolverine]

goth kid headcanons, gimmie. -Batz 🖤💜

cracking my knuckles and snickering gayly lets go

pete:

-ends up being the shortest goth by the time theyre all in high school (with the exception of firkle who is still in middle school, but he is also taller)

-hello trans dude. i see u. he/they/it + neos

-listens to evanescence more than he'd like to admit

-his favorite color is teal but it doesnt look good on him so he sticks with red and purple, both of which he likes and looks good in

-he is absolutely horrendous when it comes to dying his hair despite the fact that his hair is the hardest to dye and maintain out of all four of his friends. you'd assume he wouldve learned at some point after years of having it done but he is just Clueless. henrietta is the one who bleaches and dyes it red, michael helps with buying him stuff thatll maintain the color longer, firkle reminds him when he needs a touch up. his hair would be a mess without them.

-writes to fruitiest poems about michael but like. in the most gruesome ways possible? like they are very gorey but in a romantic way. michael finds them endearing. firkle would be lying if he said he wasnt a bit concerned.

-going off that ^ pete is a hopeless romantic and his love language is gift giving. he's always getting the homies shit they dont need but he knows they want and it's gotten to the point where they have to not say when they like things just so he stops spending money

-has a big sweet tooth (which is basically canon, have yall seen how much sugar he puts into his coffee?) but he pretends he doesnt

michael:

-is very bad with expressing himself verbally so he writes long ass essays when he is upset or needs help or whatever and gives them to the goths

-the groups resident slur sayer. stop calling ur boyfriend a faggot in public before u get ur shit rocked pls-

-is on honor roll and he is embarrassed by it just bc south park gives them like. t shirts and shit as a "reward"? it's weird as fuck.

-wants to be a piercer when he gets older, has given firkle and pete a couple piercings

-has a stick and poke of a cat on his ankle from craig. it was an odd experience but he still likes it.

-his favorite movie is donnie darko. he does not understand the plot At All.

-even tho giving (+ recieving) compliments makes him uncomfortable, he tries to give them to his friends bc he knows they all get shit from other people for various reasons and he doesnt want it to affect them. he hopes it balances out or smth

-him and henrietta have best friend necklaces made out of resin encased bugs

-has broken his nose at least twice in a moshpit

-really likes collecting rocks <3

henrietta:

-is the mom friend but like. an aggressively caring way.

-is naturally a blonde but she dyes her hair black. only her family and the goths really know

-also on honor roll but she is very proud of it <3

-she is tall!! like 5'11" ish!!!

-is the laziest when it comes to doing makeup out of the four of them. literally just puts on bottom eyeliner then Goes. meanwhile pete and firkle are out here doing a full face every morning and michael is color correcting his eyebags just to REAPPLY MAKEUP OVER THEM.

-wears rings on every single finger bc she likes the jingle jangle

-always writes personalized stories for each goth during the holiday season

-really good at math but hates doing it

-resident mean lesbian <3 just wants her boys to shut up so she can think about Girls

-does the whole groups nails every week for funsies

-her room has an oogie boogie shrine that freaks michael out. he is not a fan of the big bag man. thinks the movie mightve given him a lasting fear of Just oogie boogie.

-has somehow befriended kenny wendy and pip. they are her normie exceptions <3

-weirdly good at fps games considering she doesnt like them

firkle:

-threatens everyone. sometimes he means it. he is like the worlds shittiest chihuahua that just barks at everyone and you can never tell when he's gonna actually bite.

-trans dude no2. he/it. maims cis peo-

-listens to n unhealthy amount of metal music in his free time

-very into candles and incense, it drives pete crazy bc he has a sensitive nose

-the other goths have never seen his house bc firkle thinks his parents would be very weird about him having only older friends

-has a soft spot for shows like beyblade digimon and adventure time

-once watched all of switched at birth by himself just so he had something new to complain about everytime he met up with the goths. they offered to watch with him and he gave a very firm no.

-wants a pet opossum more than anything

-love language is being way too protective of ur friends who are way older than you and can handle themselves

-big dnd nerd

-in dire need of a regular sleep schedule but he also hates sleeping bc it feels like "wasted time"

-doesnt like asking for help but he tries to anyways bc he knows it makes the others happy

[emonaculate]

AOT Freshman v Senior Year headcanons (Eren, Armin, and Mikasa)

❥ AU: Highschool!AU

❥ Genre: Fluff

❥ Rating: Everyone can read

❥ Pairing: hinted at Eren x reader

❥ Warnings Include: Profanity, mentions of violence, manipulation, mention of weed, and slight angst

❥ Author Note: I'm making this an entire series for the main cast or my favorite characters from AOT

Eren Yeager

Freshman year

Extremely fucking loud for no reason

Runs to class and somehow always manages to be late

Tries to pay attention in class but due to his ADHD would always spaces tf out

Despite being loud, only talks to Mikasa and Armin

Smells like nothing but AXE body spray, its not even a bad smell, its just too much

That kid that takes P.E. TOO fucking serious

"Eren you know why you're in trouble right?"

"No."

"...You hit your classmate in the face with a ball."

"He could have dodged."

"Eren it was a basketball, you broke his nose and chipped his tooth."

"He shouldn't have gotten so close to me."

Im sorry but totally dresses like this

Constantly compared to his older brother.

"Yeager... Are you by any chance related to Zeke Yeager?"

"No way, your brother is THE Zeke Yeager?"

Makes a name for himself rather quickly

Listens to heavy rock/metal music

He loves My Chemical Romance and Three Day Grace.

Learned how to play the guitar just so he could play "Teenagers"

Forced Mikasa and Armin to also listen to the bands

They ended up all deciding on making a small little garage band; Miki on vocals and drums, Min on bass, and Eren as lead vocalist and electric guitar.

His style changed randomly but no one questioned it since his personality remained the same.

Senior year

180 personality

Completely mellowed tf out

Either he is in class on time or not showing up at all

Senioritis is strong within him

Works better when he is completely out of it

STONER

This mf always high as shit

Either you love him, hate him, or respect him there is no inbetween

MANBUN

Smart as hell but usually on the low

His music taste has changed a little

LOVES POLITICAL RAP

J.cole and Kendrick stan; it is not up for debate

His favorite songs are Neighbors by J.Cole and Alright by Kendrick

Listens to throwback RnB when high

Still godly at the guitar

Has a couple stick and poke tattoos; He has one behind his ear matching Min and Miki.

He has the sun, Armin has the ocean waves, Mikasa has the moon

PIERCINGS

A total of 8; 4 in his left and 2 in his right + the industrial

Has a tongue piercing

A two slices in his eyebrow but only got them as a dare

Most of them minus the industrial piercing was done at home because he has an abnormally high pain tolerance.

Dresses like this

Doesnt really play sports but is super good at soccer and basketball

He's actually good at most sports just refuses to join because why would he want to support a corrupted system??

Still more of a loner but has a rather nice friend group

Looks mean asf but is actually really nice

Goes the hardest for his friends

You fuck with them = you getting your shit rocked by him

100% the friend that hits you for forgetting to eat

Despite being hot as shit; never really has a girlfriend

Its only because hes oblivious or just not interested

Deathly scary when hes pissed

If you guys got beef; there is no talking

Its on sight bro

Be prepared to get beat the fuck up

A few things that makes him go from 0 to 100 is racism, mocking disabled people, and domestic violence

He's an activist

If you need help organizing a protest; he'll help and somehow manage to get people to come.

Basically a really good guy just hot headed as hell

Armin Arlert

Freshman Year

The kid who looked up those lame videos on how to survive highschool.

Panicked when it came to speaking in class

Stuttered like hell

AP CLASSES

He's way too advanced like could graduate early but refuses to so he can stay with his friends

Super sweet but extremely naive

People definitely took advantage of him.

"Hey Armin, my dog got in a car accident so I wasnt really focused in class, can you give me the homework answers?"

"Yeah sure its no problem."

Sends them a whole ass powerpoint on the entire lesson and teaches them better than the actual teacher.

Band nerd

Can play the Piano, Bass, and Trumpet

Listens to Mother Mother and Queen religiously

Only joined Eren's garage band after he agreed to watch Bohemian Rhapsody

Dresses like this

Moved in with Ren and Miki after he went through some shit with his family; he came out as bisexual after realizing he was attracted to one of his classmates.

Sometimes worries that Eren gets uncomfortable but relaxes after he remembers who Eren really is.

Wouldn't trade his friends for the world

Senior Year

His glow up took awhile because he didnt really feel the need to change

He was always rather cute; just shy and timid

VALEDICTORIAN

Slightly because he manipulated his runner up into become a burnout gifted kid lmao

Everyone has his Snapchat and Instagram so they can get help

Now he knows when people are using him and he still lets them; the only difference is you fuck with him and he can make you end up repeating the same grade.

Lets people copy his test and at the last minute pauses and erases all his answers before putting the correct ones.

No one has realized his plan.

His fashion sense changed a lot

Subconsciously tries to match Eren all the time

The only person that noticed was Mikasa; she thinks its cute

Is in love with Russian foreign exchange student, Annie.

He talks to her from time to time before gathering enough courage to ask her out

Doesnt realize how popular he is.

Oftentimes volunteers at the aquarium to study the ocean life as well as help out.

Helps plenty of organizations clean up the ocean.

A total of four piercings and the tattoo that matches his friends.

Two in his ears and nipple piercings.

It was a dare he sobbed through

Mikasa Ackerman

Freshman year

Basketcase

Follows Eren and Armin around

Super quiet

Doesn't really have much of a personality

She is cute though

Dresses like this

Like I said no real personality at all

Well except she was the girl who thought she was in a romance novel

Especially when Eren would get into a fight.

"Eren look at me... This isnt you."

"Mikasa move."

Most times it wouldnt work.

It was just cringy man...

Can play the violin, flute, piano, and cello

Only learned the drums so she could play with Eren and Armin

A secret pop stan

Loves Ariana Grande and Doja Cat

Thank god she manages to grow out of that yucky phase.

Senior Year

GOTH GF

Track, Gymnast, and female basketball player

She mellowed out as well and became her own person

Still heavily in love with Eren

Confessed to him during a karaoke session to the song Baby I by Ariana Grande; he didnt realize.

Sang her heart out and was a blushing mess but still got no where

Has deep down accepted that she may never be more than just his friend

Is okay with it and NOT toxic when he's crushing on someone else

Just wants him to be happy

Saw how he looked at some girl during a fundraiser to raise money for animal shelters and realized that he may never look at her like that.

Turned a guy down because Armin had a crush on him

The ultimate wing girl

Introduced Eren to her opponent after a track meet after realizing it was the girl from the fundraiser.

Dresses like this

Super sweet despite her look

However pick on her friends and you're fucked

CAN and WILL whoop your ass

The only person who can get Eren to not fight.

Pissed them both off at the same time and you're screwed

Has a total of three piercings

Her ears and nose

Loves her boys more than anything

Stays with Eren while her parents travel to help with natural disasters

Noticed that Armin's ideal type is Eren but never mentioned it because she knows Armin would overract

Very observant

Just wants the best for her friends even if she is the one who ends up happy

Eventually falls for the guy that asked her out junior year.

Still close to her boys because they come before anyone.

[skullstarz]

New female classmate thats a stoner/skater joining the Bakusquad and no romance or dating please .

a new addition to the bakusquad!

-> platonic bakusquad and fem!reader

YAAA i hc the whole bakusquad as stoners/skaters already so this is just perfection yes. queen said fuck dating can we hold hands no homo? sorry this took a bit hebejsnehb

warnings: weed, needles?? lol

word count: ~500 words

alternative title: bitch can you stop falling

check out my masterlist for more of my works!!

♡ the second they see you, they know you'll fit in

♡ not cause you LOOK the part, even if you do, but because denki showed everyone a "super cool chick" he found on some social media site like two days ago that turned out to be you

♡ "thats that girl!! look!!" denki says, cue kirishima, bakugo, sero, mina, and jiro all turning to see you at the same time

♡ you instantly click with them. you fit right in, adding a lil smth they didnt have before. you slowly became another part of their small found family.

♡ you smoke with sero lots. you guys become full ass ENGINEERS when you dont have papers

♡ im talking you guys smoke out of water bottles and gum wrappers for foil if you must

♡ if you're the type that falls asleep quickly he calls you 'sleeping beauty' no het

♡ bakugo scolds the shit out of you when you fall off of your skateboard

♡ "dumbass, i told you to be careful! start wearing knee pads if you're gonna keep falling!!"

♡ you and denki are the 1/2 braincell club, you guys create a whole braincell together, wow!!!!

♡ you dropped bakugo's soda can on the way back from the convenience store once and denki SAID it would be fine so you just handed it to bakugo

♡ boom boom boy's soda went boom boom >:T

♡ you and jiro rock out all the time together!!

♡ she doesnt mind you being high sometimes, especially because she's used to it

♡ she lets you go play with her instruments (WHILE BEING SUPERVISED BY HER) and giggle at the setting on her keyboard that makes the keys go "blOop" as you poorly explained one time

♡ mina likes when you dance half asleep, not wanting to be a party pooper and go to bed

♡ tried to spin on your head like she did one time and damn near broke your back

♡ i can hear bakugo screaming at you now

♡ you and kirishima dye each others' hair!! one time you put a blue streak in his hair on accident and he screamed in terror

♡ we dont talk about that one time you passed out cause you stupidly let denki give you a stick and poke but he was pushing the needle in too far

♡ still came out alright, but also looked like a rat with one eye and an amputated leg

♡ he said it was supposed to be pikachu. mf. how

♡ lets also not get into too much detail on how or why you, sero, and denki got matching piercings

♡ kirishima tried but got too scared, ended up hardening his body and the needle didnt go through, sad :-(

♡ your favorite nights as a group are movie nights!

♡ no one's doing anything stupid so bakugo's in a good mood the whole night

♡ you've all learned to not watch horror movies with denki though.....

♡ overall soft happi vibes with the homies, cuddling under da blankets with snacks

♡ they never expected you’d end up being so important to their group, but they’re so glad they invited you.

[askmyboys]

Dudley (Piglin Brute OC)

| Name: Dudley

| Nickname: Dudz

| Gender: He/Him but he also likes It/Its

| Age: N/A

| Height: 10ft

| Species/Race: Piglin Brute

| ‘Hair Color’: It’s pretty much just fur in the shape of hair tbh- its pink and his ‘hair’ is in a quiff style

| Eye Color: His left eye is a Crimson Brown color and his right eye, well usually he wears a black eyepatch over it but it is white and cloudy, it also has three claw marks swiped over it, he can’t see outta that eye at all.

| Skin Color/Body Type: Pink and he’s actually pretty chubby and just- w i d e, a wide lad lmao

| Appearance: Tbh he genuinely doesn’t even need to wear clothes, he has nothing to hide under there but he still likes the feeling and it makes things feel er… Less awkward, his main outfit is a black toga with a golden ribbon piece going over it and it connects to a large golden shoulder pad on his right, he wears black pants with rips and a distressed look to them with, gotta have that giant golden belt buckle to keep them pants up too (idk why i just think its silly how big them belt buckles actually are in game lmao) he has hooves for hands n feet likewise, he can grip things though with his hands- gotta have that hoof thumb or whatever ya really wanna call it, he has folded ears, fairly long tusks that stick out of his mouth, the rest of his teeth are actually pretty sharp too, also his body is pretty much all fur, but the areas with the most fur is the chest, bigem fluffy chest, the elbows, and technically the fur that makes up his hair.

He has a few golden piercings in his ears, black gauges, he also wears a large golden gauntlet that has big spikes on them on both of his wrists, some golden bracelets on his arms but not TOO many, he also has a golden nose piercing he wears in his snout as well.

| Personality: He’s got that BIG bastard energy, him stimky piglin brute mans, he’s the type to pop through your nether portal and steal a bunch of your food and call YOU a bitch, he acts SUPER tough and cold, even borderline mean but deep down? If you befriend him or he seems to like you… He’s a big softie who’s very sweet and caring, and if you do become his friend? You’ve got a DAMN good protector! Anything tries to bother you? Well it’s going to have to get through h i m first and that ain’t easy, his actual strength? It ain’t no act at all lmao

Unlike most piglins he literally doesn’t give a shit bout gold or any valuables really, he just comes to the overworld to steal people’s foods n such, while he might be a big bastard he actually won’t attack you unless you hit first, he’s actually under the chaotic neutral alignment tbh- He can rile people up because its funny to him and poke fun but he won’t actually fight unless someone fights against him first.

Tl;dr: big stimky bastard pig who’ll come over even if u don’t know each other and steal ur food, will purposefully do n say shit to piss you off, actually chaotic neutral though, will only attack if you hit first, doesn’t give a shit about gold or valuables just wants ur food, acts SUPER tough bc he kinda is tbh, definitely acts mean n cold as well, a big jerk tbh, however if ya get close with him well he’ll still be a big bitch and steal your food and be a meanie toward you, but you’ll notice its DEFINITELY more light hearted than it sounded before, anything tries to hurt you? That thing D I E S… A very good protector to have, not the cuddly or huggy type but when you’re asleep is when he’ll strike, if you catch him though he’ll only play it off like “mm… Was only protectin’ ya bud…”

| Side Facts: Because he’s still a Piglin Brute, he does grunt sometimes- mostly he grunts when he’s frustrated or literally just too tired n lazy for English conversations, he can still speak fluent Piglin as well so hey another bonus if your his friend, he can translate shit for ya if needed!

His most favorite weapon is a Mace, his second favorite weapon is his giant netherite battle axe (the reason he really doesn’t care for gold is because, well, one he just never saw the appeal but also gold breaks so. Damn. e a s i l y. He hates how easy it always broke so he went for something m u c h stronger)

...I will tell u a secret- Even though he acts tough, mean, etc- If ur close to him n such, he actually really loves cuddling- He’ll just always play it off especially if he’s caught as he was just protecting you, or he doesnt ACTUALLY enjoy this, psh nah this weak shit- ….He loves how warm humans feel though, its a nice warmth and not SUPER overwhelming warm unlike the Nether’s heat… Another thing, he’s actually SUPER DUPER soft, despite being such a big, well, b r u t e he’s soft n fluffy as all hell.

His most FAVORITE foods are: Mutton, Carrots, and Potatoes. His favorite desserts are Cake and Cookies.

He h a t e s Dried Kelp, Beetroots, and Cod.

He’s resistant to Fire and Lava as well, and while Water doesn’t hurt him he h a t e s Water, it goes against his stimky policy! Get that shit away from him! He will N O T take a bath, he will NOT get in the water no, he’ll take Lava Baths though which only ADDS to the horrible burnt smell he radiates.

[vamp-bites]

I love all of the bonnies in fnaf and i cannot choose between them, og Bonnie was my favorite until i realized i loved the other bonnies a shit ton too and then i couldnt pick because i felt like i was betraying og bonnie so Lolbit has been labeled favorite, anyway back to my point, i love all of the bonnies

Bonnie? Looks like he would bring you hot chocolate and check up on you regularly to see how youre doing even though youre not that close, seems like hes not the best with social interaction and doesnt really get social cues but is doing his best and always has the best intentions, just the sweetest boy and gets startled easily

toy bonnie? such a fucking brat and i love him, annoys the shit out of people intentionally but mainly withered bonnie, will throw a tantrum if a guitar ban is set, threatens crying often and nobody believes him but then hes suddenly crying while glaring up(haha shortie) at everyone and he is given whatever he wants because hes a little shit that can and will cry on command to get what he wants, do not test him

withered bonnie? Just So Damn Tired, please give the guy a break, he just wants to sit alone with some nice tea and take a Break away from the screeches of toy bonnie down the hall. If hes not worn out from dealing with toy bonnies shit (who he has threatened, chased and torn apart before but nothing has worked to get the brat off his ass so hes just sort of given up) hes an absolute cutie pie that gets distracted very easily

spring bonnie? Purest motherfucker around, will come to your house uninvited and offer you a homemade attempt at biscuits, yes they are either star shaped, heart shaped or shaped like his friends, no other options. So bright and sweet and upbeat all the time except if he hears negative talk about his friends (from the friend themself or someone else) he suddenly has a knife and is glaring at the person, a cold glare that pierces through your soul and you can f e e l it on the back of your head

Nightmare bonnie? Dumbest of the bunch. No braincells in sight. Why are you screaming? He just chomped on your arm on impulse, whats with all the noise? absolutely no impulse comtrol, pokes and bites things a lot

jack-o-bonnie? Him and jack-o-chica have most of the braincells of the fnaf 4 lot. He would keep nightmare bonnie on a leash if he gave enough of a shit but honestly he does not want to bother, just watches the chaos while sipping a cup of coffee

Plush trap? Little shit, coming for your toes, can be picked up and held up in mid air and he will wiggle around and chomp the air

Bon bon? full time job trying to keep FT Freddy in check and getting smashed up against a door during SL custom night

Rockstar bonnie? Everybody finds the rockstars kind of eerie sometimes because they are never in a bad mood, theyre always smiling and sometimes saying eerie things, they look up to their counterparts though and want to impress them

so anyway this was my character analysis of all the bonnies, Springtrap is Not a Bonnie™, all of these except the last three have been my favorite at least once but like i said i have stopped trying to pick one and have landed on Lolbit instead because i love Lolbit just as much as the bonnies

[antiquechampagne]

Antique Champagne - Chapter 34 - Shoots and Ladders

Payne nursed a third, and last, blood bag. Her whole limb ached. The tissues were painfully slow to knit and heal from the second degree burns marring most of her flesh. She had slept most of the day away, letting shock mixed with stimpak sickness whisk her away to a dreamless sleep. It would still be a few more hours until she could venture outside, her bare leg safe from the sun as night set in.

Hancock putzed around after starting a small campfire. Every so often, he would try and start a conversation or launch a few jokes, but Payne didn’t feel much like talking. Why make things more awkward and painful than they already had to be? She wasn’t sure why Hancock had stayed. She wasn’t in any real danger and he would be safer without her. Besides, in her experience, every monster got ran out of town at some point. Why prolong the inevitable?

He handed her some warmed 200-year-old mac and cheese in a cracked plastic bowl. “Ya know, I’ve been thinking… about that DC story you told me.” Payne tried to cover her scowl with a forkful of food. “What if that cockup was because someone slipped you a super mutant flavored mickey?”

Payne shook her head. “Why would anyone do that?” She tried to cross her legs out of habit, but the shooting pain immediately reminded her why that was a bad idea. “I never heard of them drinking the stuff.”

“Maybe there was a mix up? Just enough to…” Hancock tapped a finger on his bowl in though. “ya know.”

Payne thought back to the Capital Wasteland. Her old alcohol-impaired memories faltered. She found the whole situation a muddy mess. She shrugged. “Maybe? Doesn’t really make a difference, though, does it. I still tore’em apart.” They spent the rest of the meal in silence.

Once the sun was down, the pair set out, their pace slowed by Payne's injury. The scabs pulled painfully as they picked their way through the decomposing streets of the city. Payne was starting to recognize some of the buildings when she asked Hancock for a short rest. Sitting on the bed of a rusted pick up, they examined her leg. Several areas were red and irritated, others bled, but most were holding fast. Payne was glad that she didn’t see any new blisters. Her whole leg throbbed angrily, but as she sat, it became bearable again.

“You gonna make it?” Hancock asked.

“Yeah, just give me a minute,” she flexed her leg. They had happened to stop by a Nuka-Cola vending machine. Hancock soon returned with a pair of bottles, handing one to Payne. He popped the top off his with a satisfying hiss. Payne gratefully drank hers down, perking up with a quick caffeine rush. As Hancock finished off his, he playfully sent the bottle sailing through the air down the road. It shattered several yards down the street.

“Huh? What’s that?” a distant voice called.

Instinctually, Payne and Hancock ducked behind the pick up as a pair of raiders cautiously poked out of an alleyway, guns drawn.

After a quick look around one raider chided, “Lay off the jet, you moron,” smacking the other. "You're jumping at fucking shadows." Turning, they returned down the alley.

Hunched behind the truck, Payne’s leg ached as she crouched. They didn’t have much in the way of supplies left. If a confrontation with these raiders went sideways, it could get really rough and she wasn’t quite back up to 100% yet. The smell blood rose to Payne's nostrils. Looking down, she realized that as she cowered, several of her scabs had ripped, fresh blood dripping down her leg.

Looking up at Hancock, she whispered, “I can sneak up and…” she could feel the hunger building behind her words, clouding her eyes. She tried to push the rush away. “quickly take them out. You’ll be safer back here. If I need back up, you aren't that far away.” Hancock nodded.

Swift and silently, Payne made her way to the corner of the alley. Carefully peering around, she spotted three raiders. Two sat on boxes around a tiny fire while the third lay dozing on a tattered mat several feet away.

“And that’s when the new guy decided to drop a grenade down the fucking pipe!” one raider chortled and slapped their knee. “BLAM! Those farmers never saw it coming!” They both laughed.

Payne used the shadows and conversation to creep next to the sleeping raider, slitting their throat without a sound. The growing crimson puddle nearly overwhelmed her senses, but she held back, using the rush of adrenaline to focus over the crush of hunger. With a bust of speed, she checked the joking raider hard into the brick wall, his head bouncing off the bricks with a sick thud before crumpling to the ground.

“What the h…?” the last raider tried to stand, she found a hand wrapped around her throat. Payne used her own momentum to pin her victem to the other side of the alley. As Payne brought up her knife for a quick slice, the raider managed to kick it, sending it skittered across the pavement. Payne squeezed, digging her fingers in around the raider’s lanky neck. Desperately, the woman tried to fumble for own weapon. Payne launched a lightning quick punch, disorienting the struggling raider. Payne pinned her shoulder with one hand, simultaneously shifting the hand holding her throat to push her cheek into the bricks, exposing her thin neck. The raider’s scream muffled by her hand, Payne tore into her throat.

Time slowed as warm and deliciously metallic blood flooded her mouth, spreading through every in of her as she swallowed greedily. The raider squirmed under her deadly grip, trying frantically to free herself as her life slowly dripped away. The rush slowly subsided; Payne drew back, ready to drop the body, when she heard a shuffle.

“Crystal?!” The unconscious raider across the alley had woken as Payne fed. Now he stood unsteadily, holding his bloody head with one hand, a rifle clutched in the other.

Before Payne could turn, a shotgun blast exploded through his torso. The dying raider dropped his gun, staggered back a step before toppling over like a sack of potatoes. Framed by the narrow brick walls Hancock stood in the street, shotgun smoking and red coat ruffling in the breeze. His eyes reflected the flames of the camp fire, piercing and steady.

Payne slowly wiped the corners of her mouth as she finally released the lifeless raider. She felt suddenly self-conscious. How long had he been standing there? How much had he seen?

Hancock stepped into the alley, slinging the gun over his shoulder. “Hope you don’t mind a hand. Looks like you could've used it.”

“I thought we agreed it would be safer for you behind the truck?”

He stooped down and started to rummage through the pockets and pouches of the nearest raider as he spoke. “I totally agreed it'd be safer.” He pocketed some ammo and chems. “But don’t ya know, safe is hella boring."

Soon they were both back on the road, Goodneighbor’s neon lights guiding their steps. As they neared the steel door, Payne stopped.

Hancock noticed her apprehension and gave her a friendly pat on the back for encouragement. “Fahr can’t stay mad forever. Besides, she’ll probably be more pissed at me for not tossing you out like a bad tato.”

The guards greeted their Mayor warmly. Payne stayed back and watched. She had the perfect vantage point to see Fahr get up from her seat on the steps of the Old State House and stomp into the Old State House, slamming the door behind her. If glares were bullets, Payne was sure she would be Swiss cheese. Once Hancock was safely behind the Old State House's door, she returned to her room, her bed beckoning like a siren's call.

Hancock let her take a few days off to recuperate, which not only let her heal, but made sure she could avoid Fahrenheit that much longer. When she did return to work, Fahr barely communicated with grunts, preferring to send messages along with either Watchmen or Hancock. While not idea Payne was more than happy to oblige, if only to avoided a confrontation.

Weeks passed and tensions started to ease, until one afternoon. Payne reported to the Old State House, and walked straight into an argument between Hancock and Fahr. Fahr stood straight as a board, rooted to her spot in the middle of the stairs.

“Are you out of your mind?” Fahr huffed. “You can’t possibly think…”

Hancock cut her off. “I’ve made up my mind, Fahr. It's done.” Hancock noticed Payne by the door. Fahr's stony face fumed as he walked passed her, heading in Payne's direction. "Hey, I've got a surprise for you." Hancock snaked his arm around Payne's shoulders, leading her to the basement stairs. Payne stood at the bottom of the stairs, confused at the jail cell before her.

"Why did you bring me down here?" Payne's mind raced, trying to figure out any logical reason why Hancock would want to show her the rarely used cell.

"I know it doesnt look like much, but I've got a line on a decent mattress and dresser."

"WHAT?" Payne couldn't believe what she was hearing. "I'm not sleeping in a freaking jail cell, Hancock!"

"Huh?" Bewildered, he turned to her before abruptly breaking into a laughing fit. "You think... the jail cell..." he could hardly spit out the words between chuckles. "No! The storage room!" Putting his hands on either shoulder, he physically turned Payne to face an open wooden door. "With a little work, it could make a half way decent apartment, don't you think?"

Hancock ushered her into the moderately sized room.

"See!" he moved a metal bucket and mop out into the hallway, shoving boxes aside as he went. "Plenty of room for a bed and stuff. Nice and cozy..." He looked up. "Well... say something! Yao guai got your tongue?"

"You want me to move in?" Payne couldn't quite believe what she was saying. "Here? In the State House?"

"Yah, I guess... I mean if you want too. Marowski's being an ass with all those extra fees and shit. That's not right. I got the room... with a lock even! And no windows. You won't have to worry about working on your tan if you fall asleep with a window open." Payne must have made a sour face because Hancock continued his hard sell. "I'd just take the rent out of your pay, no worries... and just think of the short commute to work!"

"This is why you and Fahr were arguing, wasn't it?"

"Maybe..." His roguish smile belayed a bit of nervousness in his answer. "But it makes sense to have the two of you so close at hand... for emergencies and such."

Payne thought the arrangement over. Parts of it made some logical sense. The thought of being able to save some caps for a rainy day was mighty tempting.

"Fine, I'll bite. I'll give it a test run. A month." She pointed a finger at her employer. "If it doesn't work out, you need to get my old room back from Marowski."

Hancock stuck out his hand for a shake. "Great! It's a deal! Now, Daisy should know which warehouse has a bed and stuff."

Payne eyed Hancock. "Seriously, that's it? What if I'd said no?" He shrugged. Payne rolled her eyes. "Let me guess... I get to move all this old shit out myself."

"Yeah, well... my schedule's booked full." Payne crossed her arms. "What? I've got some very important papers to look over. You could always ask Fahr for some help..."

"Very funny." After a second, an impish grin spread over Payne's lips as she slipped out of the room and back up the stairs. "Enjoy breaking the news to Fahr. I'm off to go furniture shopping!" she called over her shoulder.

Over the next few days, Payne gathered all the necessities to furnish her new room. It was strangely exciting, nearly reminiscent of the pre-war ritual of moving into a new apartment. Along with the bed, she found a small bedside table along with a cheesy, but working, Nuka-Cola lamp. She passed on the busted dresser Hancock had mentioned, opting for a more functional bookshelf and small lockable safe.

It took longer than she liked to arrange all of her new things just as she wanted. As she relaxed on her bed after moving, Payne heard a timid knock on her door. Behind it stooped Kent, his wrinkly tan trilby hat in his hand. Payne couldn’t stop a warm but surprised smile.

“Hi-a Payne. I heard you'd moved. Hope you don’t mind that I stopped over." He absentmindedly fidgeted with his hat brim.

“Not at all, Kent! You are always welcome! It’s not much, but it’s a start.” She stepped aside so he could shuffle into the room. Payne quickly realized she would have to save up for one more piece of furniture, a chair. “Sorry, but I don’t have anywhere for you to sit…”

“Oh, don’t worry yourself about it. It looks real nice, very cozy… but you are missing something special!” From behind his back, Kent produced a large rolled up piece of paper and handed it to Payne.

“What’s this?” Payne asked.

Kent’s eyes sparkled. “Open it!” He was nearly prancing with excitement as Payne carefully pulled open the thick old poster.

“Oh Kent!” Payne gasped in surprise. “How did you get this?” Between her fingers she held a grand Mistress of Mystery poster. The heroine stood front and center, pointing her revolver at a group of cowering thugs.

“Oh this? I’ve had it for a while. Think of it as a house warming gift, of sorts... to add some color to your walls.”

“Are you sure?” Kent nodded sheepishly, prompting Payne to give Kent a heartfelt hug. “I’ll make sure to put this up right away, but first… why don’t I treat you to a nice lunch? So we can catch up. I’m itching to know more about the Shrouds current quests… more than you can safely say on the radio!”

[myfuckingfanfictionblog]

THERE WAS A SEQUEL TO RED BULL PENIS

dallons in the hospital. he was diagnosed with osteoporosis.

he would be leaving the hospital the next morning after spending months in intensive care. they found socks and red bull in his bones and had to remove them. now he’s boneless. hes just skin and muscle.

like chicken nuggets.

but theres one body part u dont need bones for ;)

ur ears.

when he is released from the hospital, they tell him he has to pay 20 million dollars for all of the water he consumed during his stay. he ignores them. he puts on his sparkly pants and exits.

hes only wearing his pants. no shirt. no sexy lingerie. no socks. he hasnt worn socks since the… Incident.

he has nightmares about the Incident every single moment of his life, even when hes awake.

they had to amputate his leg and his dick stump too. he got a prosthetic dick but no leg. he has a peg leg now. just a stick glued to his leg. sometimes he likes to sit and chew on his stick. then he is reminded of the Incident and cries until he falls asleep.

he shakes away his memories and walks into the hospital parking lot, barefoot and shirtless, wondering what to do next.

he sees a strange vehicle in the parking lot. the door opens and zack hall exits. dallons heart races, he hasnt spoken with anyone associated with panic since the incident.

“fuck you dallon” zack says. he throws a cigar at dallon and drives away. the cigar hits dallon in the face and he falls over. his peg leg snaps in half. hurriedly he shoves it up his butthole, no lube or condom.

he pulls out his cellular device and contemplates who to call for help in this crisis while the peg leg leaves splinters inside him. he knows that brendon is probably smoking with zack, laughing at dallons misfortune. he scrolls through his contacts and suddenly he is hit with an idea. his one friend through everything. his main man. the guy whos never left him for anything. his bro.

he calls josh dun.

josh answers after a few rings with a confused “dallon?”

“hey josh please help me im in a parking lot there are splinters in my rectum”

“ok dallon im coming im bringing tyler” josh says and hangs up.

josh sighs and grabs his keys, giving tyler a nod as he quickly rushes to his skateboard. josh gets on his skateboard.

tyler quickly goes to sit on joshs shoulders. “onward mighty steed” tyler yodels and kicks josh in the ribs. josh screams in pain and starts obediently skateboarding.

they skateboard to the hospital gracefully and spot dallon laying in the parking lot. “ew is that dallon” tyler says.

“stop being rude” josh says

dallon cries as tyler picks him up

tyler holds him bridal style on joshs shoulders. josh cries because dallon is really heavy. tyler doesnt know what to do so he sticks his toe thumb up dallons ass.

dallon cries and smacks tyler, causing josh to wiggle and swerve. everyone shrieks. josh skates over a pebble causing tyler, dallon, and tyler’s toe thumb to fall over. josh gracefully backflips off the rogue skateboard but tyler and dallon smash into the pavement.

the peg leg is jammed deeper into dallons rectum and tylers toe thumb is still in his butthole. tyler gets a splinter. everyone is getting splinters.

josh is lying on the ground dead

tyler screams and pulls his thumb out, crawling to his dead band mate. he puts his thumb in joshs butt, but josh is already dead. tylers efforts are useless

tyler buries his face in joshs chest, mourning his lover when a car pulls up. the door swings open and two high heels drop down, and they see breezy. breezy stomps on dallon. the kids are shouting from the backseat about minecraft and fnaf.

breezy throws a grenade into the car, killing the children instantly. it hasnt detonated yet. she leans close to dallon and whispers “i fucking hated your kids anyway” then she gets up and steals a random car and drives away. dallon sobs and looks over at tyler

tyler is convulsing on the ground

before getting very far, breezy crashes into a juice bar and dies, cursing the one thing she ever loved for killing her as she takes her last breath

another car pulls up

dallon whimpers, he just wants help

a greasy kenny appears in the window

dallon sighs. he would rather have anyone else to help. kenny presses his face against the window and dallon can see the glass fogging when he breathes.

“r u ok” kenny shrieks. “is that a toe having a seizure over there”

dallon yells “fuck off kenny”

kenny gets out of the car and slips on his own grease puddle. he breaks his hip. “i am an old man” he cries “i need a hip replacement”

“ya i need one too you fucking grease whore but do u see me complaining no go shove ur dick in a pumpkin” dallon says. kenny cries and begs dallon for help but dallon just crawls over and starts beating the shit out of him. this is all in the hospital parking lot and nobody is helping

“not even my guitars can save me now” kenny says

“u can shove ur guitars up ur greasy butthole” dallon says. “at least u have natural lube"he adds

tyler is still having a seizure on the ground. foam starts to drip down tylers cheek as his body shakes and convulses

"hey tyler do u want some taco bell” josh says

tyler screams. josh is a zombie. rest in pepperoni.

“JOSH UR BACK” tyler starts violently fucking josh in the ass in celebration.

“tyler stop i just want some taco bell ur a bottom anyway please stop” josh says

tyler is out of control at the moment. there is no telling what he can do.

dallon crawls over and tries to join. tylers dick kicks him in the face. josh seems to be okay with a threesome, but tyler punches dallon in the throat. dallon rips joshs hair out in clumps. josh cries.

“my luscious straw locks. what have you done” he laments. josh now looks like tyler.

“tyler can we please get taco bell” josh says. tyler ignores him and keeps going. josh shits himself. tyler moans even louder.

“how did u know my kink” tyler says. josh cries and runs away. tyler screams.

now that josh is gone, there is only one other person to turn to. dolan. dalon. dallon.

tyler pees on dallon. “golden shower” he says. dallon screams.

another car pulls up, crushing tylers legs under its wheels. the door opens and smoke pours out.

josh comes back and beats tyler with a stop sign.

brendon and zack get out and walk over. zack gets lung ccancer suddenly.

brendon starts throwing weed at dallon. clumps of weed hit his face. everyone stares at zack as he dies of lung cancer. rip zack. sarah urie is sitting in the car drinking a smoothie and angrily tweeting fans. “bee kind” she yells from inside the car. brendon ignores her

brendon whips his dick out. its not a snake dick anymore.

“shove a bee up ur asshole!” tyler yells. tyler pulls out his toe thumb and gives them a thumbs up.

jenna joseph crawls up out of the sewers and flashes her wedding ring to everyone. tyler takes the wedding ring and eats it. jennas ugly eyebrows fall off in shock. breezy comes back from the dead to repair jennas fallen eyebrows even though her own are shit

“tyler can we get taco bell now” josh says

breezy spits on dallon and kicks the shit out of him. brendon begins eating zacks corpse.

there is still a peg leg in dallons ass.

tyler and josh come back with taco bell holding hands. sarah and breezy scream

“UNHEALTHY!!” they both run away and probably fuck in some grass

dallons ass gets an infection and he speed shits out the peg leg and all the splinters onto tyler. tyler spits his chewed up taco on dallon.

tyler moans as the peg leg pierces his nipple

jenna sees tyler nutting then cries and makes a noose with her shirt. breezy makes a green vegan gluten free extra protein smoothie shake. josh sees jenna and pushes her back into the sewer. shes gone

breezy makes some minecraft snacks and brings them to the squad. they eat the ugly torch pretzels and vomit everywhere. kenny gets up, broken hip forgotten, and roundhouse kicks her in the face. dallon swallows a pretzel stick torch whole then proceeds to drop dead

dallon says “werent the pretzels for knox and our failed abortion child amelie”

kenny drops dead

breezy says “ya but i killed ur dumbass children”

dallon puts on socks because hes cold. he cries and chews on the peg leg that was in his rectum. he has a flashback to the incident and screams. dallon stares down at the socks, the whole world slowing down around him. breezy shoves an icing pretzel torch up his butt. he cries.

brendon starts singing bohemian rhapsody in the background, demanding attention. nobody cares.

dallon lifts his foot into his lap, peeling the sock back slowly exposing the hair on his toe knuckles. he presses the warm sock against his cheek, taking a long whiff. he starts to eat the sock. he closes his eyes in bliss, remembering the moments he had with socks. he moans. his prosthetic dick has never been this hard

brendons eyes turn black as he notices, scales covering his limps. his dick starts wiggling. it elongates, until it is a wriggling tentacle.

he crawls over to dallon, head spinning around and limbs cracking.

someone drinks a diet pepsi. it is not known who.

the tentacle pokes dallons ear. brendon shoves it in dallons ear, literally fucking his brains out. dallon, still nutting to the sock, is dazed and confused. dallon nuts twice at the same time.

his brains spill onto the pavement. the pavement cracks open and ground beneath them splits, opening the underworld. tyler jumps in eagerly.

zack crawls back from the dead and mutes dallon on twitter. “you are muted. idiot” zack says then jumps into the abyss. the underworld sucks everyone in. it sucks in a mild sauce packet from taco bell, and josh cries and jumps in after it. the underworld is filled with socks and mountain dew

dallon floats up off the ground. brendon grabs onto him, afraid he will float away like a balloon. a dalloon. but brendon played himself, as dallon does not stop floating. they float until they reach space. brendon feels the gravitational pull of uranus

screeching, brendon pulls dallon into the core of uranus, where they are vaporized instantly

the end