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#but i can’t sleep while reading
no-nightingalez · 9 months
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Can normal people actually fall asleep easily without pain? Sounds fake but okay.
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cartoonartistpng · 1 year
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Street floofs
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palms-upturned · 6 days
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#meg talks#feeling really down and frustrated#ever since i caught covid over the new year ive just been doing so badly#it’s now halfway through may and not only am i having all sorts of weird new pain problems#to the point where i dragged myself to the er yesterday bc my usual meds didn’t do shit for me and i spent seven hours writhing in pain#but also mentally im just. constantly tapped out#before covid i was able to keep up w news and work on research projects and write multiple image descriptions every day and read books#and keep up w friends all while working full time#like even if i was in bed p much whenever i wasn’t at work i could still read and write and carry conversations#now it’s like i can only handle all of these things in small doses before my brain just shuts off#im still keeping up w news and describing what i can and working on my research projects and trying to make connections#but i feel so slow abt everything i do#it’s driving me up the wall#ive been trying for days to get through this one academic paper that’s rlly not even that long#and i just can’t do it. not for long anyway i have to read in small bursts#and then having to take muscle relaxants for these fucking spasms that make me really drowsy and sleep the whole day away…#idk. it might not even be abt covid i might be reading too much into it but it’s just pissing me off. thinking abt how nobody masks anymore#and how every time there’s a covid outbreak i won’t be able to properly protect myself or my brothers from it#bc of this fuckass job#idk im just tired and upset
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danseofitaly · 8 months
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had a fnaf lore thought today about Henry and William and Will’s motives for killing Charlie and Sammy being a bit more in depth than they are in what we’ve been provided in canon
we all know part of William’s motive was because he was jealous of Henry still getting to have a family after losing his own, but also consider Henry’s part in this
when William lost CC and Elizabeth, he was torn to shreds obviously, but Henry must’ve gone into shock too, leading me to believe that he would be running on autopilot trying to take care of everything in order to let Will grieve over the death of his two youngest
from Henry’s perspective this is a pretty normal way of different people dealing with grief and loss and shock and whatnot, but to William? he’s angry. he’s so angry because he lost the kids he loved so, so much. he’s angry because he feels at fault for it. but he also feels angry because Henry has spent less time comforting him and trying to sympathize and more time trying to deal with lawsuits
this is the deepest and most destructive pain Will’s ever felt in his entire life, grotesque and heart wrenching, and all he can see is Henry being more worried about legal issues than caring for his best friend. Henry’s trying his best to balance everything and not break, and he knows Will is too incapacitated to handle business, so he’s doing what he thinks would be helpful. But William’s mind isn’t wired that way. Rather he takes it as betrayal, and thus begins war.
Henry’s kids are dead. “Who would do something like this?” and Henry doesn’t know he knows. Eventually he confronts him, he’s devastated, but not quite in the way William was. he didn’t want to exact revenge. He was just in shock. And once he’s broken Henry down to his core, ripping into him about how he “didn’t know how to care and didn’t want to bother”.
Henry is destroyed, and all William can think about is “finally, some real sympathy from a real friend”.
tl;dr I don’t know I just think Henry and William’s arc should be more intricate and emotionally driven than what it’s shown to be in canon past the basic “oh no you were my best friend but I’ve been struck by tragedy and now I’m jealous that you have something I don’t so I have to destroy the thing you love because if I can’t be happy then neither can you” trope because despite their limited appearance in the actual shown canon events their backstory is vital to the plot of the series and I would love to see that elaborated on in depth
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arthur-r · 3 months
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my partner broke up with me last night and the first thing my mom asked was if it’s because he wanted to be with a “boy boy”
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frecklystars · 4 months
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I am in such an Officer K mood today 🥺🥺🥺 I have so many little pink hearts floating around my head when I think of him
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sluttish-armchair · 11 months
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Interior of the Ministry of Truth
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I might change some colors so everything is more visible for any [sharp inhale] rotoscoping (good god) I’ll have to do. But this is the first of the many desks I’ll have to make. Making the set base and figuring out the desk (relying heavily on the source material at all times) took me about three hours. Before this I worked on the hallway scene for an hour. The Mountain Dew Slurpee hyped me up shsbsbsjsbsjsnjsjs
Oh, and just for you to understand the sheer size of this 3D model:
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That’s how small the desk and little guy are in comparison to the base of the set. Yeah. I’m going to die lmaooooo
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zouisalmightie · 3 months
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#im going to use these tags as a way to beat my soul about my job so if you come at me you’re a bitch and i hope you stub each individual to#i finally realized why im unhappy being a teacher and it’s because i don’t care about the future of these kids more than the cursory#‘I hope theyre ok’ you would feel for any stranger in the world#like i want to harm to come to them but i truly don’t care about them#like the kid that sleeps in class ? my thought is finally he’s fucking quiet the kid that’s got a 2% and doesn’t pay attention im like#whatever like im not motivated to get them motivated and if I wasn’t the kind of person that cared about her work id give them worksheets#for the rest of the year making them silently work while I r ead books all day#like I feel like at the beginning I did the calling home and the tutoring and the flipping over backwards to get as many of the kids to#their reading level and ensure they’re getting a great history lesson that’s going to reach every student and now im like#this is the lesson and if you like it great if you don’t idc you can pay attention or fail it’s on you#and part of me feels bad like I should want to dress up like x figure and get them engaged by doing xyz and like I just don’t want to#it’s like what’s the point im going to engage the same 9 kids in each class while the other 21 pretend to#pay attention while they’re texting under their desk and then they’re going to try to google or use ai the answers#and im like…. whatever i dont care turn it in don’t turn it in whatever#ik too young to feel this apathetic about teaching and it suck but also oof I don’t care#I want to quit at the end of the year before my apathy turns into hatred I’ve seen teachers that hate hate the kids and that can’t be me#like even if I stayed for 30 years it wouldn’t be me but the idea of it scares me#I don’t want this job to change who I am as a person but it’s taking away my care for the younger generation#I don’t hate them or wish them ill but I just genuinely don’t care about them or their progress or anything#it’s scary#anyways im rambling idk im just having a bad day ill see this tomorrow and be like wow girl get a snickers cuz this isn’t you#but rn that’s how im feeling
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pepprs · 1 year
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#to translate this post: someone liked this post i made (on the upper left) on AUGUST 28 having a moment of self awareness that i was running#away from my whole life and not moving or learni ng to drive or anything. it is now march 8. it has been almost 7 months. and i have made#basically zero progress. and there is nothing stopping me but me. i could read the drivers manual and whatever whenever i want. but i am not#doing anything. and i don’t know how to get myself to start.#purrs#i know it’s a cop out excuse but i truly do think it’s covid. i think being in lockdown for a year and a half made me just let go of any#sense of progress. made me scared to take steps forward. and i mean i did bc i lived on campus for a while after that but it’s like.. EVERY#part of my life is stagnant rn it seems. and it’s not just me it’s my siblings too. we’re all getting older but none of us is trying to move#out or gain our independence in any way and my brother isn’t even looking for jobs even though he needs one. we’re all just getting older#but we’ve lost (or maybe had knocked out of us by covid and our mom being so strict) any sense of moving ipward and spreading our wings.#forgotten we have wings at all. and ive done important things like going on a house tour or traveling with my besties (<3). but i have only#made it to page 8 of the drivers manual and i truly do not want to read the rest of it. i have only been on one house tour and im longing to#move out but how much am i really because i can’t bring myself to schedule another tour and start searching for a new home in earnest.#i just come home every day UTTERLY exhausted and spend all my free time trying to process or rest. and im not making room for myself to use#my wings. and it’s truly terrible. why are we all okay with living like this. my younger self would be HORRIFIED if she saw how much i had a#atrophied since graduating and moving back home. my brighton self would be HORRIFIED. i told myself i wouldn’t and then it’s exactly what i#did. and ik im being harsh and ive spread my wings in some important ways during this time but… these are so obvious. such low hanging#fruit in some ways. bc any 16 year old can take this test and pass it so why can’t i at 24? why won’t i let myself? dont i want a nice cozy#home i make my own where i can eat what i want and sleep when i want and have control over sounds? then why am i not running for it?#delete later#i am wasting my youth i am wasting my youth i am wasting my youth 🤑🤑🤑🤑🤑🤑🤑 my one precious life 😃😃😃😃😃😃😃😃#also LMFAOOOOO the next tag on that aug 28 post was that i need to get a new campus id card… guess who hasn’t done that either ♥️
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xiaoluclair · 8 months
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xiao,, i need u to know that after i read a landoscar fic i specifically look in the comments to see if u have said something because the utter joy i get when i see that u have commented, and i get to read a Xiao Analysis is crazy bro,, i am GIDDY . the GLEE is enormous and i just need u to know that. thank u and good night
careful, any more and you might find yourself in the trunk of my car with a wedding suit on
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exopelagic · 6 months
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auuudggghghhrhrhrbrr
#okay I’m feeling Bad and I need to unpick why before I’ll be able to sleep#friend is asking abt lunch on Friday when I already have standing commitment w other friends then so I can’t do that.#but I also go home on Sunday and I can’t do shit until Friday bc work and I have plans on Saturday so I just. can’t see them#which. I guess makes things easier actually that’s not something I can control and I’m not changing existing plans that’s unfair#I’m also listening to a playlist of old music (Apple Music generated favourites — so literally random picked from everything I’ve ever done#and the last few songs have made me feel Bad bc of being associated with certain times but song playing rn is definitively a good song#w a good memory attached and it’s MY song not one of my old friends#okay where are we#I’m stressed abt presentation on Thursday but also a non issue. I’m prepared. I have all day tomorrow to practice and read up more#and then it’s 20 minutes on Thursday morning I’ll be done before 10am#I am. a little frustrated on a broader scale about the role I’m currently occupying#in that w a bunch of my friends I’m having to be the one with their shit together and dealing with their Stuff.#mostly in the way that I have to be putting in extra effort to tiptoe around them and steer stuff to keep them happy#i can do it i can do it easily I’ve just tasted not having to now so it’s. noticeably different having to do it more#i do Not have the words to talk abt this in the way I want to it’s so annoying#it’s like. I know how my friend responds to stuff. I know the things that make her anxious and what her instinctual responses will be#and I’m constantly having higher level thoughts planning out how things will go it’s effortless and constant it’s just There#with everyone all the time but sometimes I use it more and sometimes I have to because I’m in a position where if I don’t we’ll get nowhere#and I don’t like that I’m having to worry abt keeping other people happy while I’m talking to my friends it removes me a layer from stuff#hrm. there are broader questions here abt the utility of this bc like. sure it helps in some situations#but this probably isn’t great long term for either of us. wild. goddamn talking to my friend abt philosophy opened new parts of my brain#anyway I cba to have those thoughts rn! it’s midnight! I’m going to bed in half an hour <3#it’s honestly unfair that I have to do anything other than be gay and play pokemon#luke.txt#uaUrghrhfhjs I’m also being insane abt a guy. which is predictable and I feel stupid abt for multiple reasons but. here we are.#I’m being insane. and maybe I should be less mean to myself but I feel like I’m being insane.#I think! I need to go to bed!#I am not being insane I am having feelings and that is allowed. feelings are typically regarded as a pretty normal thing to have.#philosophy friend is gonna be so mad at me if anything comes of this but it’s fine and if it does I think I’ll be pretty happy anyway#point is I’m doing nothing wrong and have done nothing wrong and I’m allowed to feel whatever the hell I like. okay.
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urmomsfavelesbian · 2 years
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us vibes when we're the only two dayasluts on the dashboard
stoppppp this made me CACKLE ehehheeheheee this is always such a funny lil part of the night we’re either completely unhinged or just a liiittle unhinged and i can’t even imagine how it is for the Others who wake up to the remains of the Evening
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faderifter · 1 year
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i know this point has been made exhaustively but being fuck zoned hurts SO BAD. thinking you make a friend only for them to distance themselves when they realise they can’t have sex with you, for that to happen over and over, to feel like the only way you can make some kind of connection is to be sexually available…it’s crushing and extremely isolating. This is an experience I think most people perceived as female can relate to, doubly so for those who are in male dominated spaces and/or autistic
#autism#sexualisation#fadetext#i made a few friends after moving to the city after spending a while in an EXTREMELY weird and bad headspace#they were very involved in the local scene of the niche music i liked#and after meeting them i started feeling more optimistic about finding a community and about life#so when they disappeared after finding out about my relationship it was crushing#it’s still crushing and i lost my in into the scene#one was my fault for being too scared to end a misunderstanding asap#and that still hurts because we got extremely close and i felt a connection which is EXTREMELY rare for me#and i still think about them almost daily lol!!#but the other wasn’t my fault beyond if they didn’t like my personality but it still hurts#it’s hard to feel like i can have a partner OR a larger social life/friends#he doesn’t do anything to isolate me himself it’s all not being able to make friends without sex#both because of men’s dehumanizing interest in me and because i can’t open up without sleeping with someone#and they’re rarely real friends! only 2 have stuck around and one (online) doesn’t want to visit if i’m not single#so i only have about 2 irl friends and the rest are my boyfriends that i would lose if we broke up#this is all to say that i feel extremely isolated and men’s sexualisation is both further isolating and a source of temporary relief#i love tags sm thank you public but effectively invisible personal diary system#if anyone has read all this it’s sin and even if i do a bad job of keeping in touch i love you dearly#and wish you were here
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fractallogic · 10 months
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There’s a BookTuber I’m subscribed to now and she’s so sweet. Like we have fundamentally different priorities (she didn’t immediately get a library card upon moving to a new city??? She hasn’t visited all of the indie bookstores near her, just B&N???), but she’s so cute and so happy and has such an interesting way of doing the parasocial relationships on her videos. CHARMING.
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chryzure-archive · 1 year
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it’s sooo funny the way that chrysi’s so thrilled to be a catgirl in all my art. give her a chance to be like =^._.^= ∫ and she’s having an excellent time
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elytrafemme · 1 year
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i keep taking my girlfriend to shopping centers because dahlia loves those and all i listen to these days is klavier’s favorite bands. what are all these hosts doing that i can’t fucking do for my system. why won’t they talk to me.
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