#but i cant stress enough how much i miss living on a hill in the middle of a field

[candy8448]

Whoa, its almost the end

One more exam

This doesn't feel real

Im actually gratefull for my school for all of those mock exams, and mid and end of year tests because this was a lot less frightening than i thought it would be, i was prepared.

But im so tired, there is a state where you dont have enough stress to perform well, the space where you have perfect amount of stress to perform well, and an area where you have too much stress so you cant perform well. I think ive just dropped down to not enough stress in this last week, im too tired to take this seriously

I feel like im in a weird haze and nothing feels real

Its a weird feeling of amazment

It feels so weird seeing only one set of revision cards left in my green folder because at the start of these 5 weeks i had two folders bursting with revision materials for each subject in my bag, and now there's just one thing left...

Wow

Our whole 14 years of education has been basically leading up to these exams... and they are no done and it doesn't feel right and it felt like secondary school would never end but now its suddenly over, and while i know that factually, i havent actually processed it, that after friday i never have to walk up that hill to school again...

I didn't expect to get this sentimental, but really for all i despise school, there was a comfort and safety in the feeling that things won't change

Im going to miss some of the teachers, they really don't deserve this school. I gave them their gifts that i made today and that felt good.

Suddenly college is going to be completely different, and its thrilling but also scary. If doesnt feel like im a "big kid" 17 year old (even though im turning very soon) and college feels like a completely different world to secondary school

Me and my friend were having like... a movie style conversation in the back of the car while it was raining, just talking abiut how things are going to be so different...

I think what im going to miss most is the fact that everyone knows eachother. I love that!

Man, our year group is strangely super close knit. We are the smallest yeargroup in the school, and everyone knows eachother's names, who is friends with who, what everyone is like, and everyone is really chill and nice, there is basically no conflict, we can talk to anyone who isnt even our friend, who we never talk to, and just have a good or cool or funny conversation and i love that! im going to miss that so much! My friend says he will be glad to be invisible but i really loved the social aspect of school, and im kind of sad that in college we are probably only going to know the people in our classes, i like knowing who everyone is in the year group. It feels weird that we are suddenly going to be away from the people we grew up with for five entire years of our lives.

My friend group as well, im scared we will go out of touch. Four of us are going to the same college as me, including me, but we might have totally different time tables, and the two others are going together to the same college, and we do want to keep playing dnd together but i dont know if we will be able to uphold that tight bond while we are seperated, im really sad about that to be honest.

One exam left...

It feels so sureal, i feel all floaty, i didnt expect to have these kinds of feeling, or thoughts.

Good luck with physics

[depresseddepot]

y'know i used to joke about having bad luck but it's not funny when it gets more and more common

[prettieparker86]

The Ghost of You is Close to Me

Pairing: Tommy Shelby x Reader

Warning: Sadness? set pre-WWI

Note: I’ve been trying to find my writer’s voice again. It’s felt lost and so far away from me. I still don’t feel it’s back per say. My previous characters still feel foreign to me. But when I feel the urge to write now, I try to listen. Not quite sure what this is. Watched a WWI movie the other night and this sort of rushed out of me like a flood, so I let it pour. For this I really tried to imagine what Tommy was like before the war based on the little pieces we've gotten from the show. And I wanted to explore the idea that she sensed he'd never come back, which in a way he didn't. His body did, but not the Tommy from before.

I’m not super well versed in the Romani culture and what knowledge I gained in the past feels mostly lost, I apologize. I was trying to find the word for horse, Grast was the closest I could. As with cozonac. I’m not sure if it’s really a traditional food. My research said it was. I’m trying my best. My intention is not to offend. Feedback is always appreciated. Thanks

Don’t know what I’m suppose to do, haunted by the ghost of you.

It only takes the sight of him to send you running. As fast as your horse can take you, holding tight to the notion that as long as you never stop running then he never leaves. You hide away to the place you would always run to as children. Back when Tommy's mum would drag the whole Shelby brood up into the hills, running away from her pitiful life in the city and Arthur Sr.

Its a grove of trees overlooking a deep fertile valley, the spot where you use to steal away as children. Long before you knew adults could run away from their grief as easily as little ones, and there was no mistaking it, you were running. You secure your horse to a tree branch where she can nibble away on the overgrown grass encircling the base of trunk, and settled atop a rock that's yours as much as it is the earth's. A rock that has only grown smaller over the years as you've grown bigger. Your family comes to this hills nearly every spring. As a child it never seemed different, now all you see is the changes.

Everything changes, this you know, but you swear if you just sit there long enough this change won't find you. It wont be so. Tommy wont leave. You're oldest companion. Your dearest friend. Gazing out at the valley blanketed in a tapestry of green hues, shadow and light, as the overcast sky moves above you - you tell yourself he isn't leaving. Even though the steady ache in your heart makes it feel like he's already gone. You miss him, before he's even left. You miss him... The words echo through you in shuddered vibrations that sting at your eyes, even worse at your heart, as a rogue tear manages to break free and make a run down your cheek before you briskly swipe at it.

You can't imagine him not being there. Being unreachable to you. You cant imagine not listening to Tommy's thoughts, his sparks of creativity, or the way he can make you laugh. You cant imagine him not being there. The hole he will leave, the one already opening up inside you feels unbearable, sickening, and you just want it to go away. Who will be there when you need someone most? Who will convince you things will turn out ok or you should keep fighting even when neither feel true? Who will know you? Who will see you? Really see you and genuinely care? You never felt you took his friendship for granted, never mistakenly felt there were others who could fill such big shoes, and yet now, as the chill of a breeze sweeps by you, sending goosebumps to prickle on the flesh of your arms, you wonder if you cherished that gift enough. You wonder if it meant the same to him and if he will miss you as deeply once you're gone.

You try not to think about it. You've been trying not to think about it since you received word Tommy had enlisted. You've kept yourself busy, both in mind and your hands. Filling the moments whenever he would start to creep in. But in the end its pointless. Because the more you try not to think of him, try not to miss him... The more you do. Its like trying to stop the rain by shaking your fist at the heavens. Futile and maddening. You see him when you're with the horses, whispering and enchanting them the way only his tongue and heart can do. You see him in the glow of a campfire where he'd often gets lost in his thoughts, scribbling them down or creating a loose sketch. You see him in the charming smirk of a young man, or a joke he once told you. He's everywhere. Inside you. A part of you. And denying that never made it less true.

And the thought of living without him feels terribly sad and lonely in a way your heart feels pathetic to admit and yet hopeless to reconcile. It isn't any place you want to be and yet you also have the sense to understand you have no say in that. You feel immersed in the overwhelming ache of your heart, the one that's been plaguing you for days now, when you suddenly hear the stir of your horse behind you. You glance back and watch as she pawns happily at the earth beneath her hoofs, snooting and pawing at the ground as Tommy appears nearby. She loves him. They all love him. You've often teased he's more horse than man and no one notices that more then the horses.

Tommy meets her joy with firm pats along her neck and gentles strokes to her mane and nose. "Hey girl" He greets.

Seeing him standing there both fills your heart with joy and deeper sorrow. Lean and strong, his hair tousled from his ride over, with those piercing sapphire eyes that cut you like a knife and see right through you at a glance. The sight of him like an old beloved quilt, comforting and well known, now tattered and tore as he rips from your life.

"Little bird", he says as your eyes meet. A name he gave you so long ago you cant even remember how it came to be.

"Grast", you answer back.

"How did you know I would be here?" You ask as you look away, not wanting him to see the turmoil brewing in your eyes the way you know he will.

Tommy shrugs easily, "Just knew." Just knew because he knows you, in a way most will never get to know you. Same way you trust in the way you know him and the ways he's shares himself with you.

When Tommy comes to sit beside you, it takes every ounce of willpower not to hug him desperately, beg him to change his mind, beg him not to go, but you don't, because you're sure it won't change anything.

"You heard," Tommy says, the grit of his breath stressing the weight of his words.

"You're a damn fool, Thomas Shelby. What did the crown ever do for us?"

He chuckles lightly to the fire on your breath, the bite in your words and you can see in his eyes he knows they only come from a place of love and concern for him.

"They need fighting men to win a war. " He tells you, as he pulls a cigarette from his breast pocket and strikes a match. Telling you things you both already know. As if it were that simple. As if the need for more men didn't come from the loss of the ones they have.

"Well then I oughta sign up. I can fight." You carry on as you snatch the cigarette hanging from his lip. Allowing yourself to feel the anger this situation ignites inside you, because anger feels far more powerful and safe than heartache and fear.

"ey, god help any man that stands between you and your cozonac." Tommy teases you, the crook of his mouth curling as he await your reprisal. Knowing your tales of blunder and greatest mishaps better then anyone. Your stories are his stories, your journeys connected.

You gasp in mock offense. "He would have eaten it all! Fistin’ it down like the whole roll was his!"

"A good stab of your fork put an end to that, didn' it?"

"He shouldn't have been so greedy." You feign defense and tug hotly at the cigarette, fighting back the smile pulling at the corners of your mouth to match Tommy's devilish grin. A battle you quickly lose as he elbows your side and snatches back his smoke before you jab him back. And just like that you aren't mad anymore. That's something only Tommy can do, make you laugh when you want to cry. Because he knows you... your dearest friend. The keeper of your secrets, biggest fears, and dreams. It's a gift to be known. An even bigger gift to be known and cherished for who you are. You never thought it wasn't, but you didn't realize how much you needed that gift until it was being taken away.

You both grow quiet against the steady decent of the sun at your backs. The low crinkle of burning paper fills and hovers in the space around you both as his cigarette burns down, subtle like the smoke dancing in swirls past his lips. Its the quiet moments that haunt you now. The hours and space he once filled in your life. The echoing loneliness that you know will only expand and grow in his absence. Those hours eat at you, devour you. Gnawing away until you feel raw and desperate to make them stop, because you swear you can't take another moment in that place. Only this time you know it wont stop. There will be no reprieve, no mercy, your best friend is leaving and you can't stop him. And when he's gone, this- This torturous way of existence, with its crawling of time, absence of joy, and echoing loneliness, it will fill the space his light once illuminated in your life. Like thick dark clouds rolling in over the backcountry hills to settle in around you and call you there home.

Tommy has his reasons, none more then Greta you suspect but you cant help but feel he's choosing the war over you, that he's abandoning you, as preposterous as you know that notion is. But there's nothing logical about missing someone. You can't reason it away with facts and rationality. And it doesn't care that it feels like it's killing some part of you. Nobody tells you missing someone is a physical sensation, a state of being above all else - like an empty or upset stomach, like a punch to the chest or falling off a horse that leaves you winded. It's not merely a thought and it's more than an emotion. You feel it in your bones, the tight hollows inside you, the vibrating ache of longing, the chill that settles in under your skin.

Sitting quietly side by side, you rest your head upon his shoulder. All the girls love Tommy, they always have. With his charming smile, deep set eyes that reach into the soul with a glance, and his devilish humor, its easy to see why so many would be drawn to him. And there was a time even you were too, but there was always too many things in the way and what you've built instead is deeper and more intimate because its not bound to the fickle confines of romance.

Closing your eyes, you can see it all so clearly in your mind. Replaying like a reel at the pictures... Wading in knee high murky pond water and reeds in search of frogs to catch. Covered in filth from head to toe as you battled on rain soaked mud hills with John to see who would be crowned king of the mountain. Sneaking off with mum's herbs and spices into the woods to craft witches brew and cast magic. Building campfires from dried old birch tree branches by the moonlight, to bathe in the scent of it, and tell old spine-chilling tales. Gazing up at the stars on warm summer night, seeing who could count the most. Lying awake late at night by candle light trying to read each other's mind. Hiding in the haystack to terrorize Arthur and any unlucky girl he tried to steal away with for a moment alone. Dragging you off to your first pub in Birmingham and knocking some bloke on his ass when he tried to get handsy. Trying to teach you to drive on slick muddy streets, as you swore at him like a sailor when he wouldn't stop laughing. The keeper of your deepest secrets as you are of his. The person who tried to offer you hope in your darkest moments and celebrated you greatest success. Who genuinely listened to you and sought out your thoughts on matters. The person you trusted most with the innerworkings of your heart and mind. The one you trusted would be there.

All of it feels like yesterday. The memories still fresh and vivid. The thought there wont be more to make constricts your windpipe, tightens your heart, as tears you couldn't possibly hold back any longer fill dangerously to the brim of your eyes... You don't know how to do this. You don't know how to live this. You don't know how to say goodbye to him. To let him go. Watch him disappear from your life. And the truth is... You don't wanna know. You don't want to say goodbye. And a part of you feels hurt this seems so easy for him, though you don't actually know it is. And the part of you that knows Tommy's heart, suspects it isn't so easy for him to say goodbye to you either.

The thought you might never speak to him again leaves a frantic feeling trying to rip free from your chest. How do you find peace when you long for someone still there but just beyond your reach, drifting further out to sea by the moment? How do you let them go when everything inside you screams to pull them back in? The tears feel warm as they fall down your chilled cheeks onto the shoulder of his jacket. He can't see your tears, but you swear he can feel them as he pats at your knee in an old comforting gesture you've grown to trust will be there. As Tommy pulls away, you fight with the urge to rapidly wipe away your tears and keep your pride. But as your eyes meet, you realize there's no room for pride here. Staring into his eyes you fear the silence that's already invading the space he holds.

But then he touches your face and you remember to breathe. Though his hands are rough from work, the pad of his thumb feels soft, full, and steady against your skin as he gently wipes away at the tears fallen on your face.

"I'm coming back." Tommy promises you, and you want to believe that more then you've ever wanted to believe in anything. That he will return to you. But you've heard the news of the war, the dyer news that continues to abound. And something deep and sharp within you whispers it isn't true. He isn't coming back, and that quiet piercing whisper radiates more loudly within you then the words on his lips.

"Let's make a fire," Tommy suggests as he gives your knee a final pat. You can see in his eyes he's trying to mend your heart, soften the blow. A solemn smile of acknowledgment creeping around the corners of his mouth, as if anything in the world can be solved by a stiff drink or roaring campfire.

You nod in agreement, there's nothing the dancing flames, glowing embers, crackling branches, and heady smoky aroma can't clear from your mind. Nothing like bathing in a campfire to wash your mind and soul clean.

You rise from the rock in slow unison. You gaze across the rich fertile valley below as it slowly descends into darkness all around you. Vibrant greens from early now turning to deeper winter tones as night begins to envelope all that you see. This place you know. This man you know. As you turn back to Tommy, watching as he moves past the horses.

Your eyes fall closed for a moment as you call to him. You pray he can hear you. The way he use to when you were children lying awake late at night, pretending there was magic between you. "Dearest friend... I love you and perhaps I always will. I see you're headed on a road, and I don't know where it leads, but you will take a part of me with you. It's been yours a long time. I hope you remember its there, I hope you protect it and treasure it. But I won't stand in your way, because that's what it means to love someone more then yourself." You whisper to him, not with your lips but from that place in your heart that already belongs to him. The one he gets to keep. You embrace the truth that your world will never feel the way it did before. You will never feel like you did before. That a part of you dies with him as he slips away. You acknowledge this new reality for what it is, whether you know how to live it or not, whether you even want to.

You take a deep breath and slowly open your eyes.

He's gone.

[dxmagedrose]

GET TO KNOW THE BLOGGER!

Tagged by: my lover @hammurabicomplex​ I’m tagging: anyone and everyone who wants to pick this one up! share with the class if you feel like it! tag me in it!!

PRESENTING. RANDOM DEEP DIVE WITH INDIGO-MUN AT 2AM ;

FIRST NAME Good fucking question… It’s (sort-of) currently Dylann! I was Kieran before that, though; it’s still used as one of my first names and I’m not used to Dylann quite yet bc I’ve just started using it. 

Indigo is one of my middle names though, and I’ve used it as an online handle elsewhere forever so I use it here now!  [ Fun etymology facts: Dylan(n) is a mythology name generally meaning “born of the wave” (aspiring diver & a water witch at heart). Kieran means “little dark one” bc of my love for horror, && I chose Indigo bc as a kid to be it was neither boy (blue) or purple (girl) and was both and neither as well as my absolute favorite color as this vibrant ass mystical color. ]

STRANGE FACT ABOUT YOURSELF hmmmmm…. I’m a horror lover at heart, so as a child (I wanna say 12), I was walking through an antique store (I have a few cool finds, I considered putting my other one as the fact tbh) and I turned the corner and I saw these two dolls staring back at me at the foot of the stairs of this antique building. my blood froze, and i felt my stomach drop. i got actual, physical goosebumps stumbling across these two creepy dolls staring back at me in the corner, and i couldn’t leave the store without them. perhaps the little painted porcelain boy would be somewhat spooky by himself if it wasn’t for the terrifying lidded gaze of the porcelain girl with the hairline fractures and slightly open lips. i cant look at her. i dont really find dolls scary, I like to find the spookier ones ones, and she makes me paranoid as hell. i keep her face covered and her up in my closet except for when i bring her out to show her off proudly as the spookiest thing I have but……. i dont really collect dolls anymore.  even thinking about her brings a fearful tear to my eye.  i don’t like to think about her for very long, but that’s why I’m so fucking proud to own her. ( YES — I’m THAT white person in the horror film )

TOP THREE PHYSICAL THINGS YOU FIND ATTRACTIVE ON A PERSON hhhhh a beardy jawline, high cheekbones, crooked canine teeth >:3c

A FOOD YOU COULD EAT FOREVER AND NOT GET BORED OF b.l.t.’s with avocado. ahhhh. my mouth is watering just thinking about it, oh my god. just a bit of salt and pepper???

A FOOD YOU HATE barbecue anything, i hate the taste of bbq sauce, you keep your nasty black goo to yourselves at the grill. twice in my life i have presented with barbecue pizza and both times i cried literal tears. why would you do such a horrible thing to a person? what kind of a monster are you? how do you sleep at night?!

GUILTY PLEASURE the sims. constantly. always. i’ve sunk thousands of hours into my households. oh also uhhhhhh i run two 80s horror blogs, one being a shitpost blog with occasional art of mine and one gremlin fanfic ship blog for horrible, terrible self indulgent fanfics i’ll get the courage to finish writing & post so i can be cancelled on tumblr for at some point. NO, i won’t link them. as i pretend they’re even all that hard to find, within a day i was found on both by someone i admire here a lot :’) ilu bby thnk u eternally for supporting ur local horrifying dumbass wtf

WHAT DO YOU SLEEP IN the same clothes i’ve been wearing all day usually, my sweats & long sleeve raglans or my hoodies. i like being cozy day & and out. and ugh. efoort. just throw me in a blanket in a cool room and im out.

SERIOUS RELATIONSHIPS OR FLINGS serious relationships with some openness or poly. i wish i could fling! just not exactly easy for demisexual autistics lmao.

IF YOU COULD GO BACK IN THE PAST AND CHANGE ONE THING ABOUT YOUR LIFE, WOULD YOU AND WHAT WOULD IT BE I think I would be adopted by my grandma as a kid. It would save me some trauma but mostly I think it would get my autism diagnosed way earlier and save me angsting all these years of wondering why & thinking it’s my fault I’m struggling so much and so loud and affectionate and different in a world that i didnt fit in the same way. 

ARE YOU AN AFFECTIONATE PERSON when i get drunk i text people how much they mean to me in my life. does that answer your question? ahhh. i’m sometimes a cuddle monster with friends, i message people with long texts about how much they mean to me, but I sometimes really don’t like to be touched at all. 

A MOVIE YOU COULD WATCH OVER AND OVER AGAIN FLYPAPER.  F L Y P A P E R.  FLYPAPER.  FLY, and, I can’t stress this enough, fucking PAPER. ( Though also Whole Nine Yards and both Re-Animator & Bride ). I have watched Flypaper already like, 5 times this week and I’m still not done, and the other movies have been on repeat for days in this household within the last year. In the past it has also been Donnie Darko & the new Nightmare on Elm Street.  roast me.

FAVORITE BOOK White Fang by Jack London. Have I actually ever finished it? No. Do I still own a copy I’ve had since childhood thru multiple dogs eating it, taking it to and from school, and highlighting and circling all the best parts of chapter one ever since I was a kid and it was too hard of a book for me to read? You bet your ass. If I ever need inspiration I just reread chapter 1. Although one of my other favorites was Broken Monsters by Lauren Beukes. But White Fang is like, a weirdly personal text. We stan London’s writing in this household.

YOU HAVE THE OPPORTUNITY TO KEEP ANY ANIMAL AS A PET, WHAT DO YOU CHOOSE FENNEC FOX!! I used to daydream about having my own named Shiloh when I was a lil kid. they’re adorable little things and i am obsessed. i mean, gimme any fox and im happy, marble foxes, red foxes… but I was obsessed with fennec foxes. Also tbh ferrets. I want a ferret.

TOP FIVE FICTIONAL SHIPS [IF YOU ARE AN RP BLOG, YOU CAN USE YOUR OWN SHIPS AS WELL] Rosa & @ninetyscnds‘s Luke, Rosa & @iimpulsivity is already screaming my name, Rosa & Constantine, Jesse & Andrea from Breaking Bad, and the joker and harley of 80s sci-fi Dan & Herbert from Re-Ani.  I am but a simple opossum. 

PIE OR CAKE Pie! I’ll take both pumpkin & melty apple over cake. also, cheesecake is more pie than cake soooo, pie wins.

FAVORITE SCENT my dogs / my blanket. :’)  It’s the most grounding smell in the world. 

CELEBRITY CRUSH oliver jackson-cohen, i’m fucking GAY and im angry about it. there i was, minding my own business, and i saw that asshole in a certain SHIRTLESS GIF and it AWOKE SOMETHING IN ME. dont talk to me about it, holy shit im obsessed with beardy men now god fuckkdafjaask i hate him why did he make me this gay i was perfectly fine being into girls but NOOOOOO him and his dumb hairy chest and sweet rugged face and I——  I also am obsessed with the archaeologist & television personality Josh Gates and may or may not be considering making a fan blog for him bc idk if my anthropology docuseries host is Dad or Daddy but i love him lots

IF YOU COULD TRAVEL ANYWHERE, WHERE WOULD YOU GO I would go on a dive with anthropologists and archaeologists doing fieldwork research in the ancient cenotes of the Yucatán Peninsula. My actual dream job, catch me crying & fantasizing about being underwater documenting Mayan skulls given as offerings. Fuckkkk, I love anthropology so much!!  take me anywhere in the world to immerse myself into culture & archaeology.

INTROVERT OR EXTROVERT Introvert. I have a real life friend I see roughly once a month, and that’s it. Plenty of online relationships, I’m chatty, message me all day every day. but i dont do people well.

DO YOU SCARE EASILY I used to! Really bad. I don’t as much anymore. I do get paranoia a lot still. Having therapists telling you that the FBI could be outside your house watching you through your windows will kind of nervous. ( no google results for: yes hello fbi i am a writer please dont put me on watchlists i just have research i need to do for this idea im working on, would you like to try again? ) I have nightmares nightly but not they never make me afraid, they just make me feel like crap. jumpscares and loud noises and seeing people reaching into their pockets dont set off as many brain alarms anymore tho!! progress haha.

IPHONE OR ANDROID I like my android better bc of capabilities but meh

DO YOU PLAY ANY VIDEO GAMES My mom, her husband & I play COD for family game night, and Silent Hill is my life’s blood. I’ve sunken hours into Sims & Skyrim, and Norman Jayden from Heavy Rain is my #1 fictional character in existence, why do i love the druggie babies

DREAM JOB Oh… You’re asking me to pick? I’d love to be an anthropologist doing work out in the field. Underwater archaeology is peak, but I’m also heavily considering being a body recovery diver or police diver. I’d love to see myself in uniform someday, if possible. Just the thought makes me teary eyed & proud.

WHAT WOULD YOU DO WITH A MILLION DOLLARS fund my person creative & educational endeavors. get myself a spooky ass abandoned house to make my own home to create in, and travel to the world’s best dive sites. just live a mild life of education, creation & exploration. that’s the dream TM.

FICTIONAL CHARACTER YOU HATE dr. hill is a gross and whiny lil bitch this post brought to u by the miskatonic crew, how is everyone here an even worse bad guy than herbert west precious dan excluded talk shit get hit tho john winchester from spn and both walter white & todd from breaking bad are all in my crew of hated characters. i jusT…   the reani novel is difficult to read because i have to deal with this old sack of shit.

FANDOM THAT YOU WERE ONCE A PART OF BUT AREN’T ANY LONGER Supernatural :-)

… AND THIS CONCLUDES A DEEP DIVE WITH INDIGO!! //

[http-peachjimin]

Unrequited

7: Run

You woke up, a crick in your neck and soreness between your legs. You felt stiff as a board and everything seemed to hurt, including your head.

Although it was fall, you felt oddly warm. Why had you been outside anyway? You couldn't remember. Finally mustering the strength to sit up you realized you were naked and on the roof of your and Jimin's favourite hang out spot.

It didn't occur to you what had happened until Jimin sat up as well rubbing his sleepy eyes.

He was naked. You were naked.

No, it couldn't have been, this is impossible...

That's why your parts hurt...

Fuck.

FUCK!

"Ahhh!!!" You screamed, it all clicking to you.

"Y/N?! Why are you naked?!"

"Why are you naked!?" You retorted.

"Well 'cause I.... I can't remember."

You saw the gears in his head turn. Even though you had already figured it out it was too embarrassing to tell him.

"No. W-we didn't do this...right?" He asked confused.

You pointed to your still sticky stomach.

"Unfortunately...the evidence is still here." You cringed, not wanting to touch it.

"Well at least I know how to fucking pull out I guess. For fucks sake... This is bad. Really bad." He grumbled running a stressed hand through his brown hair.

"We have class! Shit what time is it?" You questioned rushing to put your clothes back on.

"Forget it. It's twelve thirty already. There's no point." Jimin stated.

"Do you know how bad this is gonna look?! They're gonna think we fucked!" You cried.

"Technically we did..." He mumbled.

"I know that Jimin! God what am I gonna do? Cheol-min will kill me." You stated.

"Why do you even care about him?" Jimin mumbled under his breath.

"The fuck do you mean?! I cheated on him!" You yelled at Jimin.

"I mean yeah but... You weren't happy with him anyway." He stated.

Had he lost his mind?!

"Jimin!!! I'm a fucking cheater! It doesn't matter that my boyfriend is an asshat! I'm still in the wrong! I'm- I can't, I gotta go get my underwear, I'll be back.

You walked down the old stairs and put on your underwear and pants finally being fully dressed.

Once that was done, you went back to Jimin.

"I'm sorry for speaking nonsense. This really is juat a big mess isn't it?" He chuckled awkwardly.

"It's okay let's just go so that-"

"Freeze!"

You both jumped, almost falling through the hole in the roof.

"You're on private property and you both are supposed to be in school!" The cop yelled at you both.

"We're sorry! We'll be down immediately!" You called.

You pulled Jimin through the hole and down the stairs.

"You kids are in big trouble. What made you think it was okay to skip school? You're Park Jimin and Y/N Y/L, right?"

You nodded and gulped.

"You're looking at... three days of suspension for the both of you." The officer threatened.

Jimin bit his lip and darted his eyes from the cop, to the outstreching road, to his silver vehicle.

Making his final decision, he took your hand and squeezed.

"RUN!!!!" He yelled.

You both bolted down the street and took off.

The cop tried to chase after you but by the time he'd gotten into his vehicle you had shuffled down an ally, making him loose your path.

You panted looking at Jimin.

"W-what the fuck was that for?"

"He can't prove it if he doesn't have us." The boy replied.

"Why would it even matter? We've been suspended before." You pointed out.

You and Jimin used to be a bit more wild in your sophomore days.

"If you wanna go to prom, you can't have any offenses, and I didn't pay 150 dollars for a dress to not fucking go." He grumbled.

What about Jiae? I thought he'd be going to her, not the money he spent on her dress.

Maybe you were over thinking it.

"Come on, we've been here for a solid half hour. I'm sure the cop is gone." He stated and tugged you with him back to his car.

The cop gave Jimin a ticket which he begrudgingly intended to pay and went on his merry way not wanting to deal with two rebel teens.

"I'll drop you at home." Jimin said breaking the silence that had been suffocating you two.

"No. I can't go. I cant go home he'll kill me for sure." You sighed.

"Well... You're welcome at my place, but I cant guarantee it'll be peaceful either."

You nodded.

"What are we gonna do? We either divise a plan or come clean..." You mumbled.

For you, coming clean was hardly even an option. No way in hell were you going to subject yourself to that demon you called your boyfriend.

On the other hand Jimin already got enough yapping as it was. He couldn't stand to hear another jealous, venom coated, envious word come out of her mouth about you nor your relationship.

"So what's the plan?" He questioned, already knowing which route you had chosen.

"I don't know but all that alcohol on an empty stomach is making me-" You bolted out of Jimin's car and got sick in the grass.

"Making me sick. I was going to say making me sick." You complained, the killer headache overtaking you.

"That's it! You got sick!"

"Yeah asshole, as if you didn't just see me puke on an ant hill." You grumbled, making your way back to the carseat.

"No I mean, I'll say I arrived late to school and saw you running in the girl's bathroom and a wretching noise soon after. And since your parents don't live with you, I decided as your bestfriend to take care of you." He stated his well formulated plan.

"Okay, so what do we do right now?" You asked still burbbleing on the verge of vomiting once more.

"I get you to my place. You are sick after all. And I really would like you to not throw up in my car." He chuckled pulling out of his space.

Once there, Jimin carried you inside, grateful you didn't blow chuncks in his vehicle and safely put you on the couch, with a clean garbage bin of course.

Jimin, although it may not seem like it from his small stature, was really good at holding his alcohol, even if he drank to much.

You on the other hand wanted to be that one hard chick that could down 50 vodka shots and not be phased. But that wasn't the case. You were the queen of weak stomachs, always claiming you could handle more when you knew you'd regret it later.

"How ya doing sweetheart?" Jimin asked, coming to check on you after everything had been settled.

"Three words. Kill me now." You sighed.

"Well I have a couple pain killers for you. And some ginger ale. Hopefully that will pick you up." He offered.

You nodded as he guided you to sit up. You threw the two pills back and quickly drank the soda to wash them down.

The ginger helped soothe your stomach and you were soon back to chuckling at shows on Netflix, all while lying down of course. You didn't want to push your luck with the nausea.

Jimin had allowed you to borrow his spare charger and you phone had finally lit up.

15 text from Minnie

2 missed calls from Minnie

Holy shit were you in for it.

And the last two texts scared you.

You're over his house aren't you?

I'm coming, this is the last time I'll catch you cheating Y/N.

Tears sprung from your eyes. The way he typed that, you knew he was going to be ruthless and not just verbally any more. Most importantly, at least in your eyes, he was going to hurt Jimin. You were the target, he was the obsticle. You couldn't let that happen so you picked up you thing and bolted towards the door.

"Y/N? Where are you going?" He asked tenderly grabbing your sleeve.

"I can't stay here, he'll hurt you too! Don't follow me please!" You begged.

You dashed out the door, Jimin chasing after you. You weren't sure where you were going but you knew it had to be alone.

Let’s run run run again! I can’t stop running

Let’s run run run again! I can’t help running

Only thing I can do is run

Only thing I can do is love you

Jimin was worried sick, you'd turned a sharp corner and he couldn't find you anymore and that's when he began to panic. His house was now far away but it was getting dark and he had to find you before the nasty streets of Seoul did. With all the strength he still had he ran the other direction towards his residence. He'd left his phone and everything at home chasing after you.

Let’s run run run again! It’s ok to be injured

I am happy enough even though I can’t get you

Once he reached his front porch he caught his breath but not for long as he realized he didn't have much time.

He walked in, reached for his phone, and called the police.

They said it would take at least 30 minutes for them to round up a search party, which Jimin was less than pleased with. He wanted to see you. He wanted to know you were safe.

Run... Don’t tell me bye bye Run... You make me cry cry Run... Love is a lie lie Don’t tell me, don’t tell me Don’t tell me bye bye

please be okay

[geminimoonbeamx]

Bucky Barnes x Plus size reader/ The Nutcracker

-Word count: 6k+ -A/N: Bucky and Reader start out the Christmas season righttttt lol -Warnings: NSFW, foot kink, y'all already know how dirty my mouth is so lots of cussing. But mostly this is just filled with Christmas cheer lol

The Holliday season was fully upon you; somehow September had turned into October and October to November, and then November had passed in complete blur. Where the fuck was time going?

You’d always been a “Holliday” person, growing up with your big family the last few months of the year we’re always a food fueled, dizzying experience. It had grown with you to adulthood, most years you would go back home to (y/h/t), to spend time with the family but on the occasions that you we’re working, like now, you’d still make due. Decorating and cooking we’re your vices, the evidence of your obsession with Pintrest showing clearly all over the living areas of the Tower.

A large Christmas tree stood tall in the center of the commons, spun with ribbons of gold and silver. Twinkling with Christmas lights and shiny bulbs, warming up the while room. Even if the tree hadn’t turned out so stunning(which would have never happened because you were an are a god damn perfectionist) the fact that the Avengers, the group of mercenaries and superhumans had helped you decorate it would be enough.

None of them we’re really in the Christmas spirit, kind of warn out and dragged by the consistency of having to save the planet and all the stress that came with it. It had taken a little bit of convincing, on your part.

“You guys are going to help me decorate this fucking tree and stop being whiny little fuck faces right now” You had demanded, your eyes stern as you looked them over. You know they’d had a long one, but you also knew that shit like this, team bonding, was so much more important then they realized “I am so serious, you know I cant reach the top! Help me!”

And they had, of course. Not wanting to “test your wrath”, but really you think it’s because secretly they we’re each craving some kind or normalcy. Like Wanda, who hadn’t celebrated the Holiday in the few years since her twin brother had been dead. Or Vision who had never celebrated at all, you know, since he used to be a computer and all that. Nat wasn’t hard to convince, especially after she got some of the spiked hot chocolate that Clint brewed up. Tony wasn’t as much of a scrooge as you though he would be, and even though he complained that he could have easily hired someone to do this. Pepper being by his side and handing him bulbs to hang helped. Bruce went along with the motions, drunk, his glasses slipping down his nose, Thor kept insisting that Christmas was just like some Asgaardian Holiday, and earth had obviously inherited it. Steve, Sam and Bucky we’re laughing about something, something Steve had brought up about Christmas in the 40’s, with warm mugs in their hands.

Was it kind of a mismatched, odd scene to behold? Most definitely. Wanda used her powers to decorate the top of the tree that no one could reach, Steve being so gentle with the delicate, glass, ornaments. Bucky…laughing. Really laughing. His eyes near absent of the shroud they usually carried. You had watched with a happy heavy chest.

That was a few of weeks ago, and you we’re still on your kick. Everyone more or less cooperating now. By force, or course.

You were currently sat at the long, glass dining room table, the one that was littered with a mess Christmas cookies of all kinds. Bowls of frosting, containers of sprinkles. Lila and Cooper, Clint’s kids, sat on either side of you and Wanda was across the table, Nathaniel in her lap as she helped the toddler frost a gingerbread man.

They’d come in from the farmhouse for the Holidays, which meant security was locked much tighter, but it was safer there for the time being anyway.

Forcing the kids to do fun Christmas with you was easy, and to be honest, they we’re kind of starting to ware you out. You’d taken them sledding just a half an hour earlier while the cookies were baking and were sure that you we’re sporting some nice bruises from it.

“Y/N!” Lila had obviously had too much sugar, her voice was vibrating. You just chuckle, amused. You we’re going to return her to her parents with a gnarly sugar high.

“Yes Lila?”

“What if we watch some Christmas movies after this? How the Grinch Stole Christmas is my favorite. Or we could watch Home Alone. Or Mickey’s Once Upon a Christmas, or Mickeys Twice Upon a Christmas?” She rambles this fast and you try to keep the amusement off your face.

“I hate how the Grinch Stole Christmas!” Cooper protests and you shoot him a look.

“Hey, kid, that’s a classic. Even if it does make me cry, you cant diss a golden Jim Carrey movie like that” You scold him, licking a small smear of frosting off your thumb.

“It makes you cry? Why?” Lila inquires and Wanda gives me a raised eyebrow “Yeah, why, Y/N? I don’t think I’ve ever heard of any one weeping to Dr. Seuss”

“Because the who’s people reject him and make him go all hermit in the mountains and its super fu-” you catch yourself and your dirty language “Its really sad, what that does to him. It turns his heart cold. People can be really mean- they tried to make him shave!” You explain, you had been crying to that movie for decades.

“But then Cindy helps him and be’s his friend so he moves back to Who-ville and re joins society” Lila points out, her voice obvious and informational.

You try to bite your laughter, meeting eyes with the brunette across the table who seems to be doing the same, Wanda presses her mouth to Nathaniels head in an attempt to hide her smile.

“Very good observation, Li’” You praise her “You could probably go into Psychology, put me out of a job”

“Don’t go putting ideas in her head, Y/N” Clint enters the kitchen, Steve and Bucky behind him. They’d been helping Bruce with an experiment down in the lab for the larger portion of the day.

You give Bucky a small, fond smile, your eyes seeking his.

“Why Clint? We all know the amount of therapy you need, an are going to need, why not have it in the family? It’d save you a lot of money” You tease the older archer, good natured. Clint could take it as well as he could dish it, and the banter between you guys was never ending “You’d give your dad a good discount, right?” You look to Lila who just grins mischievously and says she’d give him the FAIR price.

“I think you’ve been spending too much time with Y/N. You guys give her hell today?” Clint ruffles Coop’s hair as he sits at one of the empty seats.

“They we’re actually really well behaved, Connor even saved me when I almost broke my neck on the hill out back. My hero” You give Clints eldest son praise, patting his shoulder before you stand, not noticing the way his ears blush bright red at your words.

Bucky does though and he chuckles to himself quietly.

I know the feeling, kid, he thinks as you come up to him and give his cheek a kiss, your soft lips a stark contrast to the scruff there. His large, metal hand splays across your lower back. He wants to dip it under the sweater you have on, feel the plush skin there but he resists. For the children…and because Steve had been bitching about the extreme level of PDA the two of you had been sporting lately.

“Hey guys. How was your day helping Banner? You guys hungry?” You wonder, you had been busy all day, taking the kids off of Laura’s shoulders(That woman needed a month long nap) You hadn’t seen Bucky since morning.

“Boring, really, we just made sure he didn’t blow himself and the lab up. For hours. It was like watchin’ paint dry” Bucky drones down at you with a small little side grin “A lot less fun then yours. You need to be careful with that neck of yours, sweets” You roll your eyes at the flirt in his voice.

“It wasn’t that bad, he got the research he needed done” Steve, ever optimistic shrugs “Are those crinkles? Did you bake them Y/N? Holy smokes, I haven’t had one of those in years” He goes to the table, the cavity wonderland and you chuckle and lean more against Bucky.

“Yeah I did. Your welcome” You tease before looking up at Buck. The near foot he had on you always made you feel so small. He grins as you just stare up at him wordlessly, your big y/e/c glossy with admiration and exhausted. Your cheeks rosy with frost bite from playing outside for so many hours and your hair piled into a messy bun atop your head, long, escapee tendrils loose around your face.

“I missed you today, baby” You coo, reaching up on your UGG covered tip toes, your lips pursed for a kiss. He doesn’t make you beg, he never does, pecking your lips a few times, grinning as you attempt to deepen it.

“I missed you too, pretty girl. You have a fun time with the kids?” you nuzzle at his chin with your nose as he asks.

“I did, I mean ate shit all day and I’m probably going to be sore until New Years, but it was super fun fun. That hill on the property is killer” He snorts as the sentence is broken by a couple yawns. You really do look totally worn out.

“We’ll have to check it out, you tired doll?” He shoots you a knowing look and you shake your head, he reaches his hand up to brush the loose hair away from your forehead, behind your ear. It’s so tender it makes your stomach flip. You don’t think you’ll ever get over how caring this man is towards you.

“No I’m fine. I was going to watch some Christmas movies with the kids” You protest, weakly. Accented by another yawn. “Fuck”

“Y/N, I’ve got it from here. You go take a nap and we’ll start the marathon. You can join when you aren’t half dead anymore” Clint, who had overheard you from his place at the table overhears the two of you. He’d noticed how droopy your eyes we’re when he’d first walked in.

“Yeah, Y/N, we’ll even wait for you to watch The Grinch” Lila reassures, her voice solemn as though she’s promising you world peace or that (Your favorite football team) would win the Super Bowl next year. She really is the cutest fucking thing.

“Alright, I’ll be there. Keep the hot chocolate warm for me, kay?” You smile as you link your fingers with Bucky’s and go to pass the table, heading towards the elevators.

“Promise!” Lila chirps.

“Hey” Clint stops you as you near him and you raise your brows “Thanks for keeping them entertained today. I know they can be a handful, me and Laura really appreciate it”

You smile down at him shaking your head.

“Nah, they’re really good kids… plus I’m giving them back to you with a massive sugar high so should you really be thanking me?” You hear Bucky’s chuckle behind you and Clint rolls his eyes, chuckling gruffly.

“Yeah, yeah. Go get some beauty sleep. You need it”

“Your welcome” You chime as you turn your back, pausing only for a moment “And Steve you’d better not eat all of those crinkles, they’re for everyone!”

The super solder freezes, his fifth cookie inches from his mouth and a guilty look on his face.

Bucky snorts at the expression on his best friends face and leads you out of the kitchen by your hips. You really we’re a force to be reckoned with. Five feet of sass and ass.

You guess you hadn’t really realized how tired you we’re until you entered your room; the still, cozy atmosphere made your eyelids feel like they we’re weighed down and you drag yourself to the foot of your bed and plop down- hard. Bouncing a couple times on your butt from the force before sighing dramatically and throwing your head back on top of the comforter.

Bucky watches you with an amused smile as he closes the bedroom door behind him, locking it into place and padding into the carpeted room.

“Ugh I’m going to be so sore tomorrow” You say after a large yawn, stretching your arms over your head and extending like a cat. Assessing all of the pain. Your thighs screamed in protest, your neck felt stiff. Your feet though, they pulsed with your heart beat. You sit up slowly, groaning as you go.

“Fucking Jesus, my feet are killing me” it comes out whiny-er then you’d meant for it to “I know I’m being super annoying, sorry” you add, trying not to be that girlfriend. You know? That girly, needs to be babied one.

Little do you know, that’s one of Bucky’s favorite aspects of you. Your such an independent person, you bending and needing him, really needing him, always makes his stomach churn with excitement. He comes over, and kneels down in front of you.

“What are you doing?” You inquire, looking down at his head that was almost resting on your legging sheathed knees, but figure it out shortly as he yanks on your leg until you extend it, letting him take it into his lap. He nimbly wiggles off your sheepskin boot, freeing you fuzzy sock encapsulated foot, repeating the action with the other leg. You cant tear your gaze away from him, a small smile quirks on your lips as he looks up at you, holding your foot in his big hands.

“Jeeze your toes are freezing” He hisses, he can feel the cold of your skin radiate through the sock “You said your feet hurt, I thought I’d help you put with that, sugar”

“Mmm, thank you. But come on, lets get a little more comfortable. My ass is sliding off the bed” You laugh and pull at the collar of his shirt.

After some shifting of positions, the both of you cozying into the bed, you find yourself laying back against the pillows, your lower body agled so that your feet rest in Bucky’s- who’s now leaning against the wall- lap. He’s pulled off your fuzzy socks and his hands are working on kneading the aching flesh.

You groan, the sound is fucking sinfully sensual.

“Tell me what feels good, kay? Don’t be shy. I want to make sure you feel better” He persists, pinching a certain nerve on the top of your foot with his fingers that makes you hiss. “Too rough?”

“No, it feels so good. Like orgasmic good” You reassure and he grins, all teeth.

“If you came just from me rubbing your feet darlin’ I’d be a little impressed. I’m not gonna lie”

You bark out a laugh.

“I bet your head would get so big it would throw off the earths balance” You tease. You remember that one time he’d made you cum just from toying your clit outside your panties. The man had acted like he’d invented sliced bread.

Bucky chuckles and shakes his head, muttering something that sounded like “smart ass” before focusing on his work, listing to you talk idly.

Does Bucky have a foot kink? He’d never thought so. Yeah, it was nice when a dame had pretty hands and feet, but he’d never sought it out.

He absolutely loves your feet though. They’re so soft, so taken care of. You we’re the kind of woman who pampered herself, took care of herself, and it showed. Your lovely shaped toenails we’re painted a vibrant shade of cherry red and he cant stop stealing peeks at your cute, chubby little toes.

It goes on like this for a little over a half an hour.

“Did you tell Steve to invite Sharon to dinner on Saturday?” You question him, your eyes are now screwed shut as you lounge out. Just focusing on the movement of his tender hands.

“Mmhm” Bucky nods “He said he’d make sure to do that”

“I’ll probably just text her myself. You know gramps going to forget” You sigh. Scatter brained, busy ass ‘Captain America’ would forget his head if it wasn’t connected to his body. He was the embodiment of an old man. Hence your nickname.

“Nah, I doubt it. He has a real thing for that gal. He’ll call her”

“Good! I love her. She’s so badass and nice and hot! She’ll do him some good- fuuuuuck Bucky” You moan out the last park as he focuses his attention on your Achellies tendon and ankle. He smirks at his handy work.

“You know you can stop, right? You’ve been at it for a while” You don’t want to say those words, you want him to keep massaging you forever, but your a decent person and he’s been your slave for too long.

“I’m aware” Is his simple answer, as he continues. You sit up, pushing yourself onto your elbows so you can see him.

“I’m serious, baby. When you get tired just tell me”

“How long did you massage my back after that last mission. Two hours? Three? I don’t even remember. You’re always so good to me” you scoff but he continues “You are! So stop your fussin’ and let me take care of ya’ alright?” His tone is smooth like chocolate- but firm. In that way that makes you ache. Makes you want to spread your legs wide for him. Fuck yes, daddy. You loved when he got dominate like this.

“Alright, boo” You squeak and he raises your foot to his mouth and gives the top a kiss. You cant help the surprised giggle that escapes you.

“I love your feet” He declares and you raise an eyebrow.

“That so?” You struggle. Usaully you we’re turned off when guys tried to do the whole foot worship thing with you but something about the look in Bucky’s eyes makes your breathing hard. Everything about this man just turned you on to no end.

“Yeah it is. You keep 'em so pretty. Why’s everything about you so pretty, Y/N?”

You’d never really been with a man that complimented you like Bucky did. It had taken you a while…scratch that. You were still trying to get used to it. This beautiful, Adonis like man praised you like you we’re gods fucking gift. And the hot, sincere look in his eyes backed it. He loved every inch of you. Every cellulite, pudgy inch.

“I don’t know, I’m just blessed I guess” You tease obnoxiously. You weren’t one of those insecure types. Yeah, you had dark thoughts. Everyone did. But you loved yourself. Maybe even more then he did.

He laughs, it rumbles in his chest “Thanks for sharing those blessings, doll face”

You’re almost falling asleep, his skillful hands still working on you when you feel them raising higher and higher. Up your calves, the back of your knees, your thighs, the ones that part widely so that he can slide in between them. Bucky kneads the doughy flesh of your thighs smiling as you start to squirm a little bit.

“Tell me where you hurt” his voice is barley above a whisper. It’s gravely and sexy and it has you biting your lips together. You lift your hips for him as his hands begin to circle the waist band of your leggings, his fingertips tracing the elastic. A whimper slips through the bite you still have on your bottom lip.

“What, baby? Tell me” he taunts and you would be annoyed but you’ve been massaged into a pliant pile of goo. You’d probably do anything he asked you to at this point.

“Take 'em off. Please” you plead and he nods before he slides the black material down your curvy let’s, leaving you only in a pair of high waisted, leopard print panties. He loves these ones, loves the little hot pink bow on the center.

He presses his face against your chest, against the fuzzy material of your cashmere sweater and you lace your fingers through his hair, your claw like nails scratching his scalp soothingly. He lets out a long sigh at that. You know how good that makes him feel, how much he loves it when you play with his hair.

His big hands plane up along your thighs, one of his massive palms on each side, enjoying the supplness of your flesh and you tighten them around his waist, pulling his head deeper to your chest, your fingers knotting in his hair.

Fuck. You just want him closer.

He can’t help but smirk at the neediness, luckily his face is buried in your sweater “You’re such a sweet girl, ya’ know that?”

It’s funny. That he really thinks that. You had always been sharp- bitchy. Bossy. Your opinions too big and your mouth too loud.

“Only for you” you chuckle, your hand running flat along the locks of his hair, as though your petting him. He lifts his head, so that you’re eye level.

“No, I’m serious. What you’re doing for everyone, tryin’ to make sure we celebrate the holidays the right way- it’s really good of you darlin’. I know we’re not the easiest bunch either, when it comes to things like this… Being normal and all that”

You smile. And it’s so bright and warm that he feels his chest get a little tight.

“I mean if we’re being perfectly honest, it’s not completely selfless. I’ve always loved Christmas and I love you. And I’ve never been in love during Christmas time and as cheesy as it sounds I want our first one together to be a good one. Memorable. And normal and happy. Especially since the rest of our relationship is so, like, not. I want you to bake cookies with me, and do lame advant calendars and fuck me by the fireplace. You know. Normal stuff couples do in December ” You explain in a rant, your voice shy, as you stroke his prickly cheek with your finger.

You wish you could have taken a picture of the dopey, lopsided grin that stretches over his face.

“Is that why you’ve been putting mistletoe up everywhere? Trying to get lucky by the fireplace?” Leave it to him to tease you when you’d just bared your whole soul.

“Bucky!” You whine, laughing a little as your hands come up to cover your eyes and reddining cheeks and you start to squirm under him. He’s having none of that though, he presses his jean clad hips hardly down, pinning your lower body with his.

“Hey” he coo’s, trying to pull your hands away from your face with one of his, his other arm is supporting an little of his weight so he doesn’t totally crush you.

He chuckles at your “Fuck off, James!” but manages to pry your hands away from your eyes, his face hovering right over yours. So close that every breath you inhale, you can taste the one he had just exhaled.

“I want that too, darlin’. I haven’t celebrated Christmas in close to seventy years and I’ve gotta say, even though it isn’t actually until next week- this one already tops any one I’ve ever had” he tells you sincerely.

“How?” You scoff. All you’d done was force him to decorate a tree and eat his body weight in baked goods.

“'Cause I have you, of course” he looks down at you, his azure eyes soft and dancing and you shake your head.

“You’re such a big cheese. You know that, old man?” You cup his face in your hands, pressing your lips to his searing ones before he can reply. Bucky hums happily into the kiss, especially when your hands travel down his pack and tug at the hem of his shirt. He seperstes from you, only so that he can pull it off and toss it blindly across the room, your fingers hook in his jeans and boxers and he wiggles so they’re down his ass, once there you can pull them the rest of the way down with your feet. This is what the super soldier does. He can get you naked so fast that you don’t even realize until his sucking on your nipples, your head spinning because when had he even taken off your bra?

“Bucky” you whimper as he takes the bud between his teeth and yanks at it. Like he knows you love.

He’s feeling particularly dominat today, you can tell. Your sleepy, whiny mood bringing out the cocky, alpha nature in him that lied just under the surface.

When he pulls away from your chest that was now an angry red from the attention of his stubbily face he only says two words. “Hands and knees”

That sends a shock through your system. One that seems to cause your pussy to gush and your breath to catch.

You nod eagerly pushing on his shoulder with your dainty hand so that he rolls off of you. Giving you the room you need to get on all fours. Your head is pressed into the the duvet as you rest your chest on the bed, your elbows flat as you arch harshly so that your ass is perched high on your knees. Straight in the air.

Bucky takes a moment to appreciate the curve of your back, the intense arch. The way your plump ass is raised to high for him.

He makes his behind you way on his knees, groaning at the sight, had he ever seen a more perfect ass? So round and wide. Apple shaped and goregous. The kind that brought men of this generation to their knees.

He groans as he starts to palm the cheeks, pulling them apart, slapping them together. Making you gasp everytime. His fingers slip lower, rubbing past your puckered rosebud and into the the steaming, dripping folds.

“So wet” he mutters it almost to himself as his flesh fingers delve in, two of the stretching. Testing the waters.

Your keening sighs let him know that your more then ready so he grabs himself at the base and guides himself to your slick, relishing in how your scorching juices flow over his hardness.

You can’t take it, can’t take the way he’s rubbing his cock all over you without plunging in so to reach a hand down, under you, grasping at the top of his dick and leading him so that he lines up with your hole.

“Please Buck”

That’s all it takes, his hips snap forward and he bottoms out within you quick, you can’t help the yelp that leaves your throat.

Oh shit.

How is it everytime you do doggy you forget how huge he feels in this position? Like he’s going to rip you open. You feel like you can feel him in your belly button.

You might forget, but he doesn’t. He gives your tight little snatch a moment to adjust, his metal arm caressing soothingly down your back as he slowly pulls him self back. Barley able to, with the vice like grip your walls have on him.

“God damn, you’re so tight like this” he hisses through his teeth.

“I-it’s okay. It feels so good, I want it” you reassure him. Stuttering, mind shaky. When you move, your ass pushing back into his lap responds with another fast, snap of his hips and you cry into your pillows.

Bucky is by far FAR the best sex partner you’ve ever been with. He had this ability to play two roles at once.

Like right now; he was pounding you hard into the bed, his pace unforgiving and mind numbing and yet he still had the capacity to his fingers soothingly through your hair. To tell you how goregous you were. You didn’t even know what you were saying back, you’re thoughts lust laden and drugged by how good you felt.

“I love you” you sob to him, lifting your face from the pillows so that he could hear you and he makes a sound, a needy grunt before leaning down so that his chest is pressed into your back and his hands can link with yours.

“I love you too. My beautiful girl. Fuck- you take me so well. It’s like your pussy was made for me. I’ve never- shiiiiiit. Felt anything this good before” he husks into your hair, the slapping sounds of his body crashing into yours filling the air. You gasp, trying your hardest to suck in a full breath but you can’t. Your over heated body is on overdrive. Your core screaming from the fullness.

You desperately grasp at his hands as your legs began to shake violently with everyone of his thrusts, his weight pinning you, his arms caging you.

You try to speak, to tell him how close you were but all that you can manage are little squeaks, his powerful thrusts choking you everytime.

When you cum, it’s white hot and deafening. You can’t hear the loud scream that rips from your thoat. So loud, Bucky’s metal hand covers your mouth in an attempt to quiet you because you’re not the only two on this floor. Tears well in your eyes and your whole body quakes.

“Shh, shh baby you’re okay” he reassures, his pace becoming frantic and sloppy. Like a pool stick missing its cue.

Your head is spinning and you swear, you don’t know how you haven’t fainted yet. The squelching sound of him fucking your overstimulated cunt seemed to be the only thing you can focus on.

“I’m gonna cum” he braces you and you nod numbly.

“Cum inside me. Please Bucky” you plead in a sob and that’s it. He breaks. His head burying itself in your neck as you reach back to pull at his hair. His flesh hand is gripping your shoulder, his mechanical your waist. He’s holding himself as close as possible to you as he emptied inside of you, his sack flexing as the powerful creamy spurts paint your walls.

His gasps are in your ear, his hot breath in your hair. And you’ve never felt more connected to anyone in your life.

It goes on like that for nearly a solid minute, him coming viciously. His cum filling you to the point that it leaks out because your body just can’t take all the genetically modified super soldier has to give.

When he’s finally sated, finally catching his breath he rolls off you and your lungs fill with air. Neither of you can move for a moment, both of you are just trying to find a way to reboot your systems that had just been totally fried.

He manages to form a sentance before you can.

“Are you okay, doll?”

Of course it’s to check on you, because your still face down. You can’t help the giddy bubble of laughter that leaves you as you roll over on your back.

“Oh my god- that was insane” you tell him. Your eyes are still wild. Your breasts jiggling as you suck in labored breaths and run a hand through your hair, staring at the ceiling in total awe.

He’d fucked you stupid.

“I know” he chuckles at the look of total discombobulation on your features and slides his arm under your head, pulling you closer to him, needing the skin contact. “You told me that you wanted to have my babies, ya know”

Your head snaps to his laughing, shit eating face.

“Not-ugh no I didn’t” you deny. You know there had been a minute there where your brain had turned off from the pleasure but you totally didn’t remember saying anything of the sort.

“You did. You also told me that my dick was your favorite thing in this world and you wanted to die with it inside of you”

Your cheeks burn red and you bury your face in his chest because you can tell he’s not making it up.

“Oh my god” you laugh into his collar bone.

“It’s okay, it’s cute. I like watching ’ you lose it like that” he reassures, his metal fingers swirling on your soft tummy. It’s so soothing that you know you’re going to be out like a light soon.

“Hey y/n?” Bucky calls for you, right as you’re about to drift off.

“Mmhmm?”

“Just so ya’ know, I’m game for fuckin’ you by the fire place any day”

You roll your eyes and snuggle closer to him.

-okay so I don’t know how this got so filthy? I was just writing some Christmas fluff and then one thing lead to another and all the sudden the reader is getting drilled doggy style? I don’t even know what to say lol except enjoy I guess?

[findthefuninlife]

12 Minutes Of Wisdom

Ÿ Take 1 minute out of your day to tell the people that you appreciate in your life, that you appreciate them

Ÿ Take 2 minutes out of your week and tell that special someone something out of the blue, something random to keep things interesting, keep them off their toes

Ÿ Take 5 minutes out of your month and write down, make something, say something meaningful, and give it to someone. Keep the good things going, keep the cycle moving.

Ÿ Take 30 seconds away from every bicker and argument to consider if its worth the stress or can the two of you/group of you, press forward and let the issues go. Take a step back and reanalyze it, one or two steps back can change a picture entirely.

Ÿ Take 30 seconds to consider who it is you are talking to and what has that person done for you. Are you addressing them the right way, do you want to give them a little extra today, do you want them to feel special for no reason, consideration in moderation can change the way someone perceives you immensely.

Ÿ Lastly take your remaining 3 minutes and think to yourself, at some point, whenever, and think, is this my best. If I left this earth in the next 12 minutes, have I done everything I can to make sure the ones that love me, the ones that will miss me the most, do they have all the right tools to talk about me? Do they know how I feel, have I done all I could, did I say this enough to allow me to die with no regrets, if they left tomorrow out of my life will I be left knowing I couldn't have done more?

We get wrapped up in our own heads sometimes that we forget to stop and say things, do things for those that would appreciate it the most. We stop surprising, we stop trying because we got it into our minds the phrase "Whats the point?" Point is, if I write my heart out to someone maybe one day the letters will come back to me and allow me to fill in the gaps that I made to give it away. One day I'll get back every piece of myself that I have ever given and not received back. Instead I'll get it back and more. One day a person will do the things that I do, maybe in their own way but my holes that I've made will be filled. That's true love. Taking every fucked relationship and going, I've got you. True love is a mutual agreement, it's both of you saying, I've got you. True love isn't ever taking anyone for granted or feeling like you're the only one rolling this boulder up hill. Its doing the dishes while the other cooks, its talking while the other writes, its crying while the other holds you, its making your interests theirs, its scarficing what they are too, its not feeling obligation but affection, its being the difference, its trying. Family, friends, lovers, all should have something in common. They love you. 12 minutes is just the start of a lifetime of never knowing how much time you have to live. The crazy paradox of spending this finite time of life wisely is ironically best taking away from yourself and giving to others. Living by yourself will only end with yourself. You get more when you give more be it, time, blood, sweat or tears. Put in as much as you want out and treat others how you want to be treated. Hypocrisy is the first ingredient to disaster followed by treachery and pain. Not a second goes by that the wound that we bear, down into our "souls" don't bleed. That shit will always be with you in the form of lessons you'll never forget. First heartbreak, first death, first time you cried, first fear, times that you've been tested and survived. Only difference between you and I are the people we choose to sleep with at night, otherwise we'd be all alone, just the same. I cant tell anyone how to spend their time, I just know how I spend mine. Like any job I hope it pays out and I hope yours does too. To any stranger that reads this, at funeral or at your leisure, if there's one thing you take, i hope that its the opportunities you have in front of you. You never know what you've got til its gone and it can happen in less than 12 minutes.

[zippydodahgay]

sorry for the wait but its back

Youtopia By Zipper

Chaper 8: (sorry for the wait) ....Victoria had five years, thats it, only five years to sit in bed and miss out on all the other things she could do, and as Elula said-she'd get better...only to fall back into it later. it was rare for recovery to happen, and as i stared at the floating number on my watch, my eyes sank, my heart lowered, and my hopes...were dripping all of it's contents out with it's newfound plethora of holes in it. i hurt. i hurt real bad, emotionally and physically, mind and soul. pain was all that bounced off the walls. the happy music on the radio meant nothing to me, it was tuned out, tears blurring my view. this all hit me at once, one after the other, why am i here? i should be with her, helping. at lease easing her mind at night so she had safety in her dreams. but no..im here, stuck, stranded. in a ironically nice paradise that im trapped in. so many kind souls, but nothing to do. i slammed myself onto the bed, eye sockets shut, and heart beating fast only to slow down to match the beat of my slowly seeping out tears. the sun dripping into my window to light only a corner, i drifted in dark thoughts. the unfairness of it all, my stressed body drained after all the anger, was melted onto the bed, where i drifted into slumber somehow, merciful sleep gave me some ease to my mind. i awoke at night, my eyes clicked through all the eye rocks to see the sun was gone, and the moons were peeked. i stumbled out side incoherently, falling over my news paper, i kicked it indoors. and looked over at the field of other houses, lit by Christmas lights and lightning bugs flying everywhere. it was a more peaceful aura to it. Bruce was asleep in his kiddie pool, and i saw the sky-full of dragons, delivering whatever they had to deliver. i considered Elula's words about cancer, and how it was hopeless to anyone who had it, i considered if Elula had any experience with it, maybe he lost someone to it? i shook my head, trying not to add to my fit. nonetheless, Elula said talk to him if i was haunted by the thought of Victoria, and frankly..shes all thats on my mind. shes like my sister, my best friend. i can't sit by and watch her pass and fade, losing her perfect colorful personality. i dawned a wooly coat, cold from sadness, i swang it around me like a robe and hugged myself the whole trek up to Elula's garden. peaceful flutes rang about, wind chimes on creature's porches filling the air, and humming birds flying about, enjoying the emptier sky to look at Elula's massive garden. Elula was by a large tree, bare of many leaves it had a lot of branches, and nests on them. the nests had creatures in them, residents of this world that were too stressed to sleep alone. again, i saw the upset looking winged fellow, i began to theorize he was a tough cookie, and that Elula wanted to make sure he stayed on the correct path to life and future. Elula kissed their foreheads goodnight, and looked to me, standing small on the ground, staring up, worry in my eye sockets and coat hugging me. Elula knew what i wanted, and waved his paw for me to follow. we passed the nest filled tree and continued past three hills, to a cottage that looked so cozy. he welcomed me in, and sat me down on a chair sizeable for me. his eyes relaxed, he sat on a chair big enough for him and crossed a big bunny leg over the other casually. he poofed in some nice cups and some juice out of thin air, a ability that i assumed the leaders of sectors to have. he handed me a cup and began: "has it been all over your mind Isacc?" Elula asked. i nodded with a little shame. "all over. the watch says she has five years, Elula" his face sank to sadness. he uttered a kind "oohh....." to express his greif for me. "Isacc thats terrible, i want to help. i've...i've seen your heart. its so shiny and pure.. i know you won't use this knowlage wrongly. please....just...kno-" he interupted himself to think it over again. i tilted my head, sipping my juice which was made of all sorts of  berries. i was unsure what to think since i didn't know where he was going. "there is a way to save Victoria" my head perked as much as it could. "there is?!" i tried my best not to scream. i failed. Elula nodded calmly, stress on his face. i could tell it wasn't going to be easy to do. "but it wont be easy" had a feeling.. "its..in a unsafe part of this world. everywhere you've seen, on dragon back or not, has been safe. walled in by Than's magic walls. but outside those walls are the bad souls, bad creatures lost to their own ill wills. lost causes...that we have tried everything to do to help them, but to keep the place you live in safe...we had to kick them out. the world outside these walls, are terrible, full of murderous monstors, and corrupt creatures wanted to hurt you.." i looked concerned, and confused, what did this have to do with helping victoria? "theres a object. lost to one of the corrupt. called the diamond heart, by some, some other names. but this heart, was made by someone equal to the power of Than. stolen from her, the heart has the power to cure Victoria. the problem is, that corrupt creature outside the safe areas has it. and as a leader, i cant get it." Elula lowered his cup and head. shame in his every heart beat. "i can let you go out there, well...tell you how. but thats it, and please tell no one i told you this, i could get in serious trouble." i nodded to Elula, who gave a grim smile. "please, just know what you're going into..."

@my-obsessed-mind

[thegeminisage]

hella spoilery zeldablogging from earlier tonight

feel kind of bad cause i had to look up the gerudo maze desert thing but i was SOOO close on my own

oh my god there's a lady over here by this shrine failing at cooking and all the recipes she teaches me give me dubious food

there are PILES of rotting garbage that have flies around them and the thing in the pot is sending up this black cloud of smoke lmao

wow the blood moon came in the middle of me clearing out an enemy camp :/

good god there's a stable out here in all this deep snow? how?? would the horses not, like, die?

aww beedle's here but he's cold ):

WOW you can upgrade the boy gerudo clothes but not the GIRL ones? that is SEXIST

oh noooo shield surfing DOES damage your shield i hate this i love my current shield what if i can't find another!!!!!

lol the ridge tower si surrounded by water and electric enemies. Great

omg i found the royal lab ruins ):

ok, i gotta begin prioritizing here

while i'd LIKE to complete all 120 shrines before i beat the game just for the armor, i don't think that's going to be possible - i haven't even unlocked some of them yet bc i don't have the snowballs or the quest takes so long

but the most important thing to me is memories

so after i check out all the ridge shrines on this map i'm gonna get the hyrule field map as well and get those memories

and i'll just save a lot and if i fuck something up and trigger endgame stuff i'll reload

god idk how to do this trial on the thunderplanes so like...im gonna let it be

see? i could never do all 120 before tmrw night

PLEASE this memory i just got was so cute zelda was being a nerd over plants and caught a frog she wanted link to eat :')

i love this zelda like i'm super not crazy about her voice actress sounding much older than i think of her as, and the fantasy british accent, but she has so much more personality than many of the others

ah, and i see now why she loved the silent proncess so...can't be grown domestically, only thrives in the wild

much like herself if you watch some of the other memories haha she feels trapped by her own destiny that's easy to see

i think it's super clever how even with a map you still have to look around for shrines bc they are hidden semi-underground

and i wish i had more time to stop and enjoy the little things like that, but i CAN come back and explore later, i can't unlearn a plot point

this spoiler fear might be a little baseless...tbh i also want to finish the main story tho bc like

i want it to be something i play in my free time, not something i obsess over 24/7 and HAVE to play and think about all the time

it's been a beautiful fun and absolutely life-changing experience but also it's been two weeks and i gotta get back to my actual life, i can't be Like This indefinitely

i'm kinda stunned that it took me this ling tbh? like, even skyyward sword was like a week and a half the first time iirc and i did that at like, a pace where i could stop and explore, i remember thinking how huge skyward sword was

omg im so glad i decided to ride epona down to where i need to go next rather than fast travel + walk bc 1. faster maybe? and 2. THE MAIN THEME PLAYS WHEN YOU'RE ON EPONA OVER THE NORMAL HORSE THEME i could weep

KASS IS BY THIS BRIDGE HI BUDDY I LOVE YOU

i solved the puzzle! this time im talking to him BEFORE i go in

he told me it was stupendous ;_; thanks pal

aw dude another memeory and it played the trailer music but

is zelda really only SIXTEEN about to turn seventeen? how old is link?? i guess under 21/18 if they wouldn't let him drink...

jesus, they're just babies ;_;

also, she quoted link's horse advice so like

this + the dialogue options gives the feeling that he does actually speak, you know? so as much as i love mute link i also like these glimpses into his personality as well, bc he's always been such a blank slate

he's empathetic, playful, sometimes downright goofy, and very tenacious - confident, but not in a cocky way, and obviously always a bit shaken when he gets a memory back

it's nice getting to know him a bit, even if you have to patch most of it together - kinda like narrachara lol

;w; it's so nice to have epona gallop over when i call her again

omg i think i found kass's house! i see his journal :3

haha i got this song "when the blood moon rises stand naked on that platform" ok nintendo

i wonder if you get all the puzzles do you get to tell him who you are ):

im tempted to unlock this one now lol

like, it takes a long time to get here and it's almost the blood moon

SIGH this is gonna take awhile but it'll save me time later

oh lmao it was JUST the blood moon so i'd actually have to wait a SUPER long time nvm tbh

well. welp. welly well well

i guess.......its time for hyrule field tower

Im Scared

wow. holy shit. i can see the great plateau from here...and it looks so small. i can see the temple of time, i can see the tower from which i first saw hyrule castle. i can even see the little path i nearly followed, when catching sight of my first moblin and becoming curious, before i got myself back on track. damn. Damn. i have come FULL CIRCLE, holy shit

and like, it's just the way i played it. hyrule castle for last. but you know? i love that shit. journeys ending the way they began. gets me in the feels every time

i'll be honest, THIS i could really stop and explore. forget those awful snowy mountains. this is where the #history is

oh god. i see a guardian down near that tower. please god don't let it be a mobile one

FUCK

i saw two still ones and relaxed and a mobile one snuck up RIGHT FUCKING BEHIND ME

[wheezing]

i don't wanna stop and grind but i worry i might HAVE to get some guardian armor before i can do this, even just one piece...!

i have a diamond circlet so all i'd need from the prof is the chest and/or legs........oh god. jesus fuck

motherFUCKER the range on those still ones, i wish i had been able to take them out...!

oh jesus i made it

this is it. final tower. thank fuck

there'll be more guardians, way more. i gotta at least check and see if i can afford some arrows without setting myself back further for the armor

i think i had all the mats i needed actually i just needed cash...maybe i can cook to earn some since i sold my monster parts

k, i only have enough gears for the chest OR legs, and i don't have enough rupees for either... :/

i COULD buy some arrows and still have enough mats for the armor but then i'd be setting myself back HUGELY re: rupees

ok, i FINALLY got the chest, jesus, now i can go back to hyrule field

altho it doesnt have any def and without even going to the fountain i know i cant upgrade it so rly is it worth it at all, but w/e

also, i read online that if you can learn the timing of parrying their lasers they go down REALLY easily but i suck so much at combat

i guess i'll just wear my anti-guardian stuff, i have daruk and mipha's abilities and fairies AND FAST TRAVEL if anything goes wrong

YES i did it holy FUCK

oh my god! three-shotted!

oh

i just climbed a small hill and got my first look at the rolling green plains...i missed you

no, no, i gotta go get epona to make this perfect, there's a stable i can warp us both to

omg it's the very first people i ever encountered outside the great plateau again

NOOO i hit epona when i was aiming for a monster baby i'm sorry!!!

i gave her an apple and some pats to say sorry ;w;

"legend says that an ancient voice resonates inside that sword...can you hear it yet, hero?"

frankly i'm glad they finally got their timeline shit together bc even tho the games are SO far apart im LOVING these continuity nods

yeesh, only two memories left but they're both RIGHT at the castle...im scared LOL

): i wouldn't feel right taking epona any further

reasons i never have money: cannot physically stop myself from buying arrows

oh, hyrule field is just beautiful ;___;

ohh god im scared

its fine its fine they wouldnt put a memory that close to the castle and then make you go back to impa if hat wasnt POSSIBLE its gonna be ok

awww no zelda sees link as a living reminder of her own failures?? whyyy

ha i love fighting guardians for the first time in ages im like COME TO ME LET US BATTLE

im uh. still working on the timing, but

oh JESUS

my mouth fell open in horror i climbed over a wall to get to the outsideish of the castle (castle town ruins, so says my map) and

the music was already creepy but jesus CHRIST

there's no color except for that blight evil goop stuff...no life...it's awful

poor hyrule, oh god

it's a lot like finding hyrule castle town devastated in oot when you first wake up, except of course this time we've nothing to compare it to visually, only emotionally...

i see a fuckton of guardians too so its a good thing i learned not to be scared of them

ok, god, i can do it, just one memory, i know RIGHT where it is

apparently the hylian shield is in here too and i am sooo sorely tempted

i mean if i have to get that fucking close anyway...

lord i googled it and apparently this memory is super hard to get you gotta Activate some shit but they did it this way they made it so you have to go back out i know i'll be able to come back out i WILL

ah, apparently you need to fight a stalnox for the hylian shield.ok. ok. good, great, Nice, Perfect

haha im soooo scared ;_;

ok, apparently the two paths are COMPLETELY different, so One Thing At A Time

we'll start with the memory, it's more important

tbh, i can't even bring myself to go in. i gotta go around anyway to get to the starting point of this path so i will

lmao i am almost PHYSICALLY ILL with dread this is SO stressful

JESUS

the music went all scary and the map is in 3D like a beast!! which i knew but it's so Much

and i got a cutscene of the calamity screaming with the Classic ganondorf theme i'm Dying how the fuck does anyone just get this memory and LEAVE holy shit

oh my god the main theme comes in!!! jesus

even ballad of the windfish a little?!?!

oh FUCK and ofc with the lightning

haha aww there's a "leave area" button on the map i can bail whenever i guess tat's reassuring

not yet!! i'm gonna have Courage

ohhh i dipped into a doorway just to wait for revali's thing to recharge and the music changed!! so i got scared and went back outside lol

oh god the higher you go the oranger the sky turns it looks like the blood moon jesus fuck

I MADE IT INSIDE

oh god, zelda's STUDY, the rooms all have names bc ofc they do

holder of the triforce of wisdom of COURSE she had a study she's such a nerd im crying i bet she loved it here and it's totally decimated

a silent princess sprouted in her study too ;_;

HER LULLABY IS PLAYING IN HERE IM GONNA CRY

oh good there's the memory!!

ohhh this picture of how it used to be is hurting my heart it was BEAUTIFUL

holy FUCK dude

ok old man is struck from my heart forever he was such a DICK to zelda no wonder he called himself a fool

link knelt right away but god damn i would have interjected on her behalf

you can't expect a person to pray 24/7!!!!

and deny her her passions, which are obviously machines and learning!

omg she has a journal in here and i almost missed it jesus

TODAY SHE MET WITH IMPA im cryin

omg this is her finding the sheikah slate!!!

jesus, and she found the shrine of ressurection too and hoped she'd never have to use it, and Yet...

oh GOD i hit leave area and it plucked me down in the middle of castle town nope nope nope fast travel outta there

ok to impa and then last memory i can do it and then do stream

and for once not play again afterwards bc to be quite frank i could never stress myself out this bad right before bed again, FUCK

hylian shield and all the rest of it tomorrow

h o ly fuck

he DIED protecting her, or he was going to, but she stood in front of him for once and finally unlocked the power, that's how she unlocked it, for HIM

i'm WEEPING and the sword made the fi noise from SS

even the sheikah warriors ran like sheik in smash bros

im gonna cry that was so much!!! there's so much continuity

fi is in TWO GAMES like...that was such direct referencing!!!!

SHE HAS BEEN FIGHTING ALONE FOR 100 YEARS jesus CHRIST she is SEVENTEEN

ok, im gonna watch all the memories in order and then quit for the night

i just realized the ceremony scene is where she mentions embers of twilight and adrift in time - putting us on the mm/tp timeline

aaaah im sad

god and i LOVE her princess dress i wanna see it in her classic pink why is everyone in this game blue??

so like, despite me not being crazy about zelda's voice ACTRESSS and the VOICE she's using, she actually does the best ACTING out of the entire cast

high key loving this zelda who is smart but has trouble with feelings, also

holy SHIT

ok so one of the first memories i got was of zelda coming down mt lanayru

amd it was badass and i enjoyed it

but there's SO much in there once you know more context

mipha was highkey about to spill to zelda that she was in love with link

revali's distain for link

urbosa seems less stern and more caring now that i know her better

now i know what zelda was trying so hard to do

"we have to keep trying until we find the thing that unlocks your sealing power [long shot of link]"

and "i'm not a child anymore" ofc it's bc she just turned 17! like link in oot!

oh man oh man

i love so much link's expressions in these serious moments especially that very last look into zelda's eyes before he "died"

it feels a bit like, with the other stuff i was talking about, i'm getting just a hint of character

and it's kinda close to My Headcanon but even if it wasn't i just like getting to know him

warped back to the temple of time & i'm leaving it there for the night

tomorrow: The End

(and my shield)

[choosehereveryday]

Week 1

What brought me in? What made you decide it was time to take action?

I lost really important relationships because of my anxiety that triggers crazy manic behavior, I have gotten violent I have hurt people close to me and tried hurting myself and I’m trying to do anything to feel better. Every day now I am severely depressed, I miss my previous partner so much and crave the communication and relationship we once had. And I want to learn to how to battle my triggers so I can be a better partner/friend/person, and generally survive in society with myself with minimal or no severe manic episodes.

Strengths

Charismatic, funny

Resilient

Self-sufficient

Street smart

Adabptable

How ________ effects my well being?

Intimate Relationships: Currently technically have none but my previous partner still weighs heavily on my mind constantly, I have spent days in bed crying and trying to find ways to be okay with literally no prevail I feel hopeless missing her so much, it hurts to even write this.

Friends: I feel as though I have lost a lot of friendships and invested my time into ones that don’t always benefit me.

I have a few friends at work who I would really consider my best friends, whether they think the same of me or not I’m not sure. Which doesn’t really bother me because they give me a nice release and I feel comfortable around them not comfortable enough to go to them when I am upset but just enough so I can say I am having a bad day and Dan will send me gifs and memes and sometimes we take walks that get me out of the office and to stop crying at work. Also all amazing and trusted people to bitch about the stresses of work too!

I really want to reach out to new circles because I am really tired of feeling insignificant in my friends lives and even being invited to a festival in a group and knowing they have a group chat but not being apart of it. I am taking everything as a grain of salt but life has been very lonely lately and I haven’t really done anything at all. I feel guilty every time I go out somewhere like I’m gonna get in trouble or if Erin found out she would be triggered and even though she obviously doesn’t want to talk to me I still cant help but worry it will hurt her and in turn me.

Family My family and I are not close and I guess eventually once I’m healthy again and consistent in my relationships I would love to grow closer with them again.

My dad stresses me out I feel unloved and undervalued by him, I don’t know if it is solely just mistakes I have made or his harsh outlook on life but he communicates and makes me feel so degraded and worthless.

My mom is just so aloof with me, she left while I was 15 and never contacted me till years later when she just showed up at my graduation and then again the same year a few months later on my birthday because I was leaving for the military, she is my mom and I find some comfort in her but I also don’t care to have a relationship with her because it is very one sided, and it is not that way with my sister and that deeply hurts me.

My Grandma I miss her so much she passed away a few years ago and since that moment everything has been a blur i really just whole heartily think she could help and having a family member as constant as her would be so fucking nice most days and I cry out for her, I miss her so much when I am feeling like I cant cope. Sometimes I feel like its just because she is there and is trying to calm me down but I don’t know if that sounds crazy I just take comfort in her spirit

My other (living) grandma, I feel guilt that I am not spending more time with her but I don’t care as passionately for her as I did my other grandma and she always makes snarky remarks and its really hard to communicate and stuff with her. But she is top priority on my list to reconnect with

My sister, I run to her on my really bad days and she has saved my life without knowing it many times by just being available to sit with she and I get along really well but again our relationship feels forced and one sided there are a lot of things that have happened and that I simply think we both point the finger at the other for that I don’t think will ever change.

Do you have a strong group of friends? Do you seem them as much as you’d want? Have they been effected by your anxiety and or depression?

I don’t have a group of friends I can just call up and get together with or even really a single person like that right now and its really killing me, as an adult you cant just accrue those friendships as easily either and I really miss having a solid group of people, I think I have an issue being alone somewhat, while at the same time I literally do not experience anxiety going out in public alone, I have gone to dinners alone, and honestly found it to be enjoyable. So I am not sure exactly where my anxiety gets triggered from being alone, I think its human touch. But also I do not feel comfortable having anyone else touch me whatsoever.

Work Life: I find work work to be somewhat the only positive, while processes and management can be aggravating I find it to be a copiable feel and easily can vent it out. My co workers fill me with lots of laughs and an outlet for good conversation and like mentioned above I feel comfortable with them almost the most right now. I also love my job and feel like if I can make it full time with my upcoming interviews I could be my dream job and its been easier then ever to save money and no long live pay check to pay check

Faith, Meaning, Expansion Becoming more zen and more in tune with the world is becoming really important to me I always resonated with higher vibrations and I want to start tuning into those more, times when I did I was happiest, most healthy and least manic. I have been meditating every day and spending tons of time thinking and writing and creating when I can, becoming healthier physically emotionally and spiritually is something I’m trying to take in strides but one day at a time. But I want to learn more about energies and crystals as cliche as it sound and surround myself with healing energies.

What moves me? What are things I am passionate about?

I am moved by success, I find it fulfilling to explore and to see others explore, I want to always take joy in others accomplish really cool things and go really cool places, sometimes my jealousy and my own self has held me back from doing the things I always hoped I would be doing in my 20’s and I really am hoping to start getting out and seeing the world more now that I am not in a relationship. I also am passionate about weed and find it so interesting to learn about and have expanded my knowledge so much and I am using that as drive to grow in my current job because I do have the potential and that would make me happy. Also having money and the freedoms this job could give me to travel are huge.

Physical health:I walk a lot while getting to and from work I find joy in it and have noticed as I walk up certain hills that used to make me extremely winded I am able to glide up them. I have always be fairly athletic and happy with my body because of it and it is easy to remain and become toned which is another goal, possible plan to get into lifting eventually or join a crossfire gym.

Eating habits: it really varies I was over eating one week and this week I have found it very hard to acquire and appetite or motivation to cook meals, the week before this I bought Tupperware though made meals for the whole week stuck to it and was eating fairly healthy which is a new habit for me since leaving my relationship, we ate out a lot and I was much more willing to just grab a quick bite when I had her to share it with.

Substance Use: I used to have a huge issue with drinking and I ended up basically going to jail because I was so drunk and out of control and currently have a non-conditional probation, but since then I have spent 3-4 months being completely sober and then slowly started wanting to drink more and a lot of problems between my ex spiraled from that. She wouldn’t allow me to drink at all and it wasn’t even that I wanted to so badly, I just wasn’t going to be told that I couldn’t and especially since I know I have a hold on myself while drinking, I fought her on it and lied to her and would betray her trust, but I just never thought it was necessary anymore like she did, I enjoy drinking every so often and think that it is okay but could never come out on the top of that conversation with her.

Sleep I normally spend my nights trying to become as tired as possible so I can fall asleep without thinking about missing Erin, I have terrible ptsd/sleep paralysis/intense anxiety around my dreams and I just really loved having her to wake up next to I slept so well next to her I felt so whole when I would get to hold her in my arms. I miss that I wake up EVERY night at 5-6 am and I cannot get back to sleep even though I could just try and go to work I lay in bed for hours trying to find motivation. My bedroom has become my sanctuary.

Recreation, Relaxation, What do you like doing tn your free time:? I love going out and enjoying social environments and doing activities with lots of laughing and good times, I love going outside and just enjoying nature like hiking can be cool but even just sitting at the beach and looking out at a really nice view. I spend a lot of time on my phone to relax and occupy my mind. I want to travel more and go places I have never been more.

I am trying to not stress myself out and cause panic though so I am really staying in a lot and when I go out its normally just myself or its somewhere where I am free to leave whenever I please without feeling bad.

GOALS FOR 7 WEEKS

Feel less anxious and depressed

Have the ability to go to Erin with some change and hope it helps or the ability to find a way to move on more effectively

Feel more comfortable going out and finding people I am comfortable with besides co-workers that can commit time to me

Become lighter and less suicidal on my bad days

Feel more comfortable in general with my life the way it is/going to be now.

Reminder for this week:

Review goals

Use reminders in calendar Remind self of goals

Log your time in Daily activities form

[severalbakuras]

ok so a bt van turned up today somehow (which is genuinely a shock bc usually it takes like. a week. for them to do that normally bc bt is shit tier) and fixed the fault afaik and suddenly my internet speed’s double now? i’m sure that’s going to drop soon like always but for now i’ll take advantage and watch two episodes!!!

apologies to mobile readers if readmores don’t work, it’s p. long.

episode 3:

ok keith stop and think. you have a tracker. you said so yourself. you can track him anywhere, anytime and you’re good until the ship pulls up at the space garage and someone spots the blinky light and says illegal space ship mods void the insurance (and zethrid finds the list of legal space ship mods and that’s how the lotor crew ship ends up with space steer horns and fire decals)

“flying the castle for half my life” so she flew it before the war then? or has there been some SERIOUS offscreen time compression since the start? in which case the paladins should’ve all aged too.

she’s so CONCERNED FOR HER BOSS. like they’re really stressing that this team genuinely cares for him and each other so like i can only assume they’re all going to die horribly and he’s going to be like ¯\_(ツ)_/¯  to prove what a #Bastard he is (or like all but one will bite it and the survivor will ally with the paladins somehow), or like zarkon will come back and say ‘kill them to prove your loyalty to the empire’ or whatever and he genuinely cares about them in return doesn’t and that’s when he sets off a galran civil war between galra traditionalists and the new lotor regime.

if yugioh has taught me anything it’s to never assume that your opponent is being stupid when they play a single card in attack mode and nothing else in their first turn it’s ALWAYS gonna be a trap.

yyyyeah this isn’t going well. i know why (and i also know that keith can do better (see the first episode where he p. much singlehandedly escapes from the science folks who captured shiro) and will do better) but that doesn’t make it any easier to watch.

“doesn’t live up the legend” lotor i swear to god.

hmm so nobody on the galra side of things knows that shiro is gone then? like i figure lotor would be able to access literally any info he wanted at this point on voltron so if they knew shiro was missing so would he. unless the galra literally did no opposition research at all on the paladins of voltron at all (which isn’t a surprise because zarkon is a moron). which another reason i think lotor maybe put himself out there as a target too soon?? like think about how much fucking damage he could do if he knew everything about them.

silent hill planet is eerie. oh god silent hill au would be scary

FORM A CIRCLE AROUND ALLURA SO SHE DOESN’T LOSE YOU

GOOD JOB HUNK GO GET HER

FINALLY fuck took long enough.

zethrid ♥

i wonder who gets to come up with the fantasy element names and what they do sounds like a fun job

god i am so ready for a hunk season. give me hunk’s backstory!!! give us more hunk!!! where he’s not just a fat joke!!!

oh fuck no allura vs lotor

oh god keith ;A;

i’ll give you this one, lance redeemed, gj getting him back on track and not letting him sink and especially for not deciding to take a potshot.

so i guess there’s no way to hack into the communication lines between the lions and the castle and even failed transmissions are undetectable by the galra ships own radar. good to know.

i cant believe she flirted with the blue lion

oh ffs i think i might be the blue lion. she doesn’t respond to allura until she’s open and honest about her vulnerabilities and that’s exactly how i am with lance.

oooh batbot i wonder if that’s a standard feature or blue exclusive

HAHA GET FUCKED LOTOR

“oh hunk” - 4

keith an onscreen apology to allura and the others would be Nice

no new animation for voltron either pfff.

so the galra don’t even have voltron’s energy signature on record as a ‘if you pick up this fucking RUN GO GO GO’... zarkon....

“I’M A LEG!” ALLURA YOU PRECIOUS DARLING

(voltron itself still looks so incredibly lame though i don’t think i’ll ever find it as cool as the show wants me to find it)

episode 4:

allura oh no that’s not a happy face.

OH NO CORAN

DON’T DO THIS TO THEM SHOW DON’T

stay away from that quintessence stuff i think it fucks with your mind

so voltron’s from a different universe?

WHAT DID WE LEARN LAST EPISO-oh thank god they’re going with her

no no NO DON’T LEAVE CORAN ALONE

ok they could be alteans. but they could also be xenomorphs, or predators, or deoxys or a hyper-intelligent mechanically augmented raptor and her babies or whatever fucked up the crew in event horizon.

god that’s eerie, same hunk

THAT’S A SKULL, THAT’S A DEAD BODY ON SCREEN

slav???

SHIRO??????

what in the heckle hackle

oh!! it’s an ‘all AUs are canon’ episode!!! i like those.

“stay back altean” uh oh i feel like this isn’t a nice AU.

those altean bots move an awful lot like galra bots.

empress????

so is empress allura dead? she talks like she is and i don’t think she’d sound so much like she’s mourning her death if they’d just never met in person. 10000 years ago is one hell of a legacy to still be remembered with such devotion and i don’t think the alteans are the type to live that long. like they’re probably space elves and long lived but they’re not immortal afaik.

how many pilots did you send lotor?

so voltron’s from this universe or - oh trans-reality. so the base ore technically doesn’t exist in any dimension it just floats around in netherspace until it feels like popping into a universe. cool. 

holy fuck they’re mindslaves.

“in allura’s day” so empress allura is definitely dead.

“they’re not slaves because they don’t have will. slaves are always trying to escape or revolt” hooooooooly shit

this episode is so fucking cruel to allura as interesting as the worldbuilding is i hate it.

guns of gamara? i think? neat.

like honestly my one comfort so far is that i don’t think the allura of this universe would’ve signed off on all this. i really don’t. i think her death catalyzed altean extremism performed in her name, but i don’t think she would’ve ever been okay with this. she’s fundamentally a good person.

hahahaha i want her to go head to head with azeroth’s old gods and the void lords bring the whole order vs chaos thing to a head. let’s see how far your desire for order and your slave machines can take you against yogg’saron (oh i can see the curse of flesh messing with those ‘noncog’ machines) or n’zoth.

i love slav have i mentioned that?

oooh a whip has she used that before or is it from her lion idk. i know that’s a traditional girl’s weapon but it’s nice to see her fighting hand to hand again.

SVEN NO

GET HIM TO SPACE ER

this episode is an existential nightmare tho another one of those comets could enter that reality or an even worse reality and they just might make their own voltron and then everything will go to shit and it could happen ANY TIME

IF YOU GUYS DON’T HUG CORAN WHEN YOU GET BACK.....

LOTOR YOU FUCK

it’ll be about as powerful as voltron until y’all learn something new about yourselves and then you’ll kick its ass don’t worry. it will probably always look cooler though.