#god why am i still awake i wanted to be in bed literally two hours ago while stream was still on

[nomazee]

Um hello! Is the 1k event thingy still up?? If so I would like to request a classmate! Dr ratio x reader at 2:47 am?

it's actually sickening how much fun i had with this i was giggling at my own jokes while typing this out... this was so fun to write THANK YOU FOR REQUESTING!!!

my 1k event!

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A blaring, aggravating, shrill sound wakes you up. Your hands go to cover your ears, protecting your sanity from the noise ringing somewhere from the tangle of sheets on your bed. Hands flailing around desperately to find the source of the piercing chimes, you writhe around in agony until you finally latch onto your phone. 

The brightness of the screen digs into your corneas as you lift up the device to see the caller ID of whoever had the guts to bother you on a school night. 

It comes to no surprise that the caller name reads “VERITAS FUCKING RATIO” in all caps with no contact photo. Your eye twitches and the grip on your phone tightens, just a hair away from leaving finger-shaped dents in the metal. 

Begrudgingly, you answer the call, tucking the phone next to your ear with nothing less than displeasure. “Veritas. Why are you calling me at—” you pull your phone back to check, “—almost three in the morning?” 

“The works cited page,” Veritas Fucking Ratio informs you matter-of-factly. There’s no hint of sleepiness in his voice, nothing that could possibly chip away at his good image, of course. “You did it in the wrong format. It’s supposed to be APA. This is a science project, not a literature project.” 

You might kill him. The project in question is to be presented tomorrow— today at ten in the morning. Ratio and you had been working on it for an entire two weeks, broken up into intermittent hour-long sessions because he was adamant that you split up the work instead of rushing to do it all the night before. Stupid self-righteous gorgeous beautiful academic genius-freak. Yeah, it definitely helped you in the long run, but he acted so sanctimonious about it that you refused to admit the benefits. 

“Veritas,” you imbue the syllables of his name with poison, as much as you can when you’re swaying as you sit up on your bed and fighting demons to not fall back asleep. “This is such an easily-fixed thing. Do you know what time it is right now? Why are you even awake? You know, I am supposed to get a full seven hours of sleep every night, and I was already cutting it short today, and you woke me up before I could even hit REM sleep. Do you know how upsetting this is? Fix the goddamn works cited yourself!” 

For once, Veritas is at a loss for words. The other end of the line is so quiet that you have to double check and make sure he hasn’t just hung up on you. Perspiration builds on your palms, thinking that this is it—this is the exact moment that you make Veritas-Fucking-Ratio snap and delete your name off the project credit slide, and you’re going to get a 0 because he will wipe off any evidence of your work from this plane of existence, and you will spend the rest of your measly life chasing after your MLA-turned-APA works cited page, too-little-too-late. 

“I’m awake because the— well.” He pauses, and his voice sounds so far away and unobtrusive that you’re almost worried. Your breath stills in the middle of your diaphragm. Waiting. “The works cited is one thing. But I wanted you to look at the slides, if you can.” 

If you can, he says, as if he’s giving you a choice, which he literally never has during this entire process. You had no role in choosing the topic, or the slide theme, or what days you worked on the project, or how often you worked on the project (because god forbid you procrastinate a little bit, right?!), but now, at almost three in the morning, Veritas is saying something along the lines of oh please my dearest project partner, I request that you open the Google Slides at once, but only if you would like to! I would never infringe on your free will at three in the morning, because I respect you as a partner. Or something like that. That was pretty much the gist of it. 

A raspy sigh escapes you, and you claw your busted laptop off the nightstand next to you, opening it up and squinting at the LED screen as you punch in your passcode. “You know, I have done a good job at going along with all of your whims, Veritas, the least you could do is fix the works cited for me. Seriously, how did you even miss that? You’re so detail-oriented, but you didn't even realize the format was wrong until tonight? Who even cares, seriously… it’s just a slideshow…” 

Your voice trails off as the slideshow presentation finally loads in. You see Veritas’ default profile picture blink in the upper right-hand corner, signaling that he’s viewing the slideshow with you. The slideshow which has apparently undergone a huge makeover. 

It’s—pleasant to look at. This entire time, you and Veritas had been editing a default, white-background black-serif-font-text slideshow. He refused to change it, telling you that it’s unprofessional to do anything too embellished, to which you fruitlessly said, Veritas, we will die early deaths because of the hole in the ozone layer, would you at least make it easier on my poor soul by letting me choose a pokemon-theme slide? Veritas had pretended like he couldn't hear you (in a very quiet library room, mind you), but the twitch in his brow gave him away. 

Now, though, the slides are decorated. It’s a really nice theme, complete with custom icons and graphic blobs of color—your favorite color, might you add. It’s—pretty. Dare you say, cute, but you think Veritas would vaporize your entire presentation if you called it cute. 

“Did you— this— did you pay for this slide theme?” 

“You— n— mn,” he trails off into an unintelligible mash of mumbling, and you hear a loud THUD that sounds awfully like the phone being thrown onto a mattress. Fabric shuffles around, before you hear Veritas’ voice again, clear and composed. “Sorry. I dropped my phone.” What a loser, and a liar, and an endearing freak. You really wish he video called you because you need to see his totally-very-ugly face. 

“I thought this was unprofessional, Veritas,” you say teasingly, a smile lining your words as you try not to giggle right into the phone. “What made you have a change of heart?” 

“Nothing,” the typical firmness of his voice has returned, much to your dismay. “The works cited is still wrong. You have to fix it.” 

“Oh, whatever you say, honored Ratio,” you open up your trusty citation-generator, ready for a long fifteen minutes of copying and pasting information. “Hey, you must be free after class tomorrow, right? Since the project is pretty much over, right?” 

“Yes,” Veritas answers after a moment of hesitation, only a hint of doubt in his voice. 

“That’s great. Keep your schedule clear, then.” 

(You fix the works cited slide, wish Veritas sweet dreams, and then wake up in the morning to completely ace your presentation. The minute the period ends, you drag him out of the classroom and into a coffee shop, paying for some five dollar pastry and joking that it’s payback for the cute slideshow theme that he definitely paid five dollars for. Veritas is an awful liar, and you tell him that, and he can’t even find the strength to deny it.)

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gen taglist: @tragedy-of-commons @lasiancunin

fill out my event taglist (pinned) or general taglist (navi) to be tagged in upcoming works!

[euaphoric]

・ ゜ ʚɞ ゜ ・ ゜

✩‧₊˚ pairing — jungkook x f!reader (established relationship) ✩‧₊˚ warnings — fluff, very suggestive but no actual sm*t in this, cute kissing & cuddling hhh, oc is called “little girl” like once

another 4 am post, im on a roll w these hehe >:3 but i just wanted something to post for my bday (even tho this nothing to do w birthdays?? LMAO) and i can’t get this damn live out of my head like he’s fckung inssne sffdsgsh n e ways this is lowk corny but enjoy lol.

the faint sounds of birds chirping awoke you from your nightly slumber, eyes fluttering open to your wide awake boyfriend scrolling on his phone. he seemed to be very focused on whatever he was watching, wondering how long he’s been awake for. you prop yourself up slowly on your elbows, barely able to move a muscle from feeling sore by last night’s events. you two can go at it for hours at a time - you forgot how much of a real workout it is being on top. it’s impossible so hard to resist him though, you love that jungkook has just as much of an insanely high libido as you, literal match made in heaven.

waking up to him everyday already felt like a blessing in itself honestly. he was the epitome of perfection; in only a pair of boxers, staring at his chiseled figure, toned biceps, those muscles?? yeah you were beyond down bad for him. but he was just as down bad (debatably more) for you too. your raging hormones were really getting the best of you. your first thoughts were to violently make out with him but instead you settle for some sweet cuddles right now, coming closer to nuzzle in his bare chest. “g’mornin’ sleepyhead.” jungkook mumbles, averting his attention to you instead of the screen. “took you long enough to wake up!” his arms went to cage around your form. “what time is it babe?” you ask, a slight yawn slips out, still feeling groggy.

“7 am.” “wait- really?!” you were so confused, you weren’t expecting it to be this early since usually you don’t wake up until around 10 or 11. “yeah, i didn’t get much sleep though.” his soothing touch runs down your back, pressing delicate kisses to your forehead. this was home to you; feeling his warmth against you, listening to his hums as he cradles you, never wanting to leave his embrace. you were living rent free in your boyfriend’s arms 24/7.“hmm, what should we do today?” you ask, peeking your head out a bit. “dunno… why don’t we just stay in and watch some anime?” his lips proceed to attack your face, pecking kisses all over until you’re physically sick of it. unable to utter a single word out from all the smothering, you just let him do as he pleases.

“but we do that everyday already koob.” you finally get to say once he comes up for air. “and? i see no objection here.” god he can be so stubborn at times… “c’monn, we should go do something today..” you pout, feeling bratty over his unwillingness to be social. you love staying in bed and binge watching shows with him but for some unknown reason you wanted to be adventurous today. “actually, i know what i wanna do today.” he smirks, biting his lip at you. of course, he only wants to stay inside because he’s horny-_-

you let out a tiny scoff, “ugh, perv!” nothing he says should ever surprise you anymore but it’s still fun to tease him. “only for you though.” he chuckled, pulling you back in but this time plants a wet kiss to your lips, “truthfully i just want you all for myself.” his hand brings your leg over to wrap around his waist. “such a selfish boy.” you tease some more, combing the disheveled strands of his silky hair. “mhm mhmm, that’s me.” he proudly admits, he acts very territorial over what’s his and would def gatekeep you from everyone if he could, no one deserves to see his precious bb but him:( “i’m still hella sore from yesterday, i don’t know if i feel like doing anything right now.” you timidly reply, butterflies forming in your tummy as he casually traces circles to your thigh. his eyebrows furrowed, “who said you had to do anything?”

he catches you off guard when suddenly his body shifts underneath, positioning you to be below him while hovering over you. when leaning in he stops midway to stare and admire your pretty lips, wanting so badly for them to be on his. he closes the distance to finally kiss you, giving you a million more butterflies as your body sinks into the mattress. you can sense all the passion and longing from just kissing him, it’s desperate yet filled with fervor, you feel his love immensely. when he gnaws your lower lip as entry, it becomes more heated - a full-on make out sesh occurs. fingers all tangled up in his locks while he caresses your upper body, lips moving perfectly in sync with one another. soon as you wrapped your legs around him a switch goes off in his brain, he needs you, like expeditiously. jungkook sneaks his hands up to your arms when he breaks away, pinning them above your head, you don’t know why but your first reaction was to giggle which puzzles him. “what’s so funny hm? keep thinking i’m playing little girl, i’ll have you begging we stay in.” he remarks, eyes shading darker as he doesn’t find any of this to be a laughing matter. “koo i-” he quickly cuts you off with another breathless kiss.

“shh, just lay back and relax pretty, let me do all the work for you.”

[grxmreaperx]

your writing is SO GOOD OH MY GOD like i’m literally obsessed with ur story telling but i was gonna ask if we could possibly get a Hoffman x Reader where the Reader takes care of him while he’s sick? he’s so babygirl

ahhh thank you, you're making me blush 🥰

i love this ask so much! he would be such a nuisance when he's sick, i had so much fun with this!!

Feel Better

Pairing: Mark Hoffman x reader

Word Count: ~760

Warnings: none except Mark being a perv. This just silly and goofy and fluffy

Summary: Mark is sick with the flu but is still an absolute menace as you try and take care of him. This is just silly blurbs of what I think it would be like to take care of sick Hoffman. Mostly goofy banter between two idiots in love.

“How many times do I have to tell you that I’m fine?” Mark huffed.

“You’re not fine. You never call in sick from work.”

“It’s just the flu, I’m fine. You don’t have to be so worried.”

He watched as you scurried around your shared bedroom, cleaning up the tissues scattered on the nightstand and fixing the blanket that you insisted he cover up with.

He grabbed your arm, pulling you down on top of him. “Babe, would you just relax for one minute?"

“I am relaxed, dumbass, I’m just trying to help you feel better.”

He smirked. “You really wanna help make me feel better?”

You gently slapped his shoulder, pushing yourself back up off the bed. “Shut up, you perv, not while you’re sick.”

He chuckled, watching you as you made your way to the door. “Cmon, sweetheart!”

“Shut up and lay back down, I’m going to go make you some soup. You need to eat something.”

“I know something else I could eat instead.”

“What is wrong with you? You’re getting soup.”

--

“Would you just hold still and let me take your temperature? I need to see if it’s gone down from earlier.”

“I told you, I don’t want that thing stuck in my mouth.”

“Well, you always stick something in my mouth so just deal with it.”

“Yeah, but you enjoy when I do that.”

“Yeah, yeah. Would you rather I stick it up your ass?”

“Hold on – “

--

“What are you doing up? You’re supposed to be in bed.” You stared down your boyfriend as he emerged from your room, still wrapped in a blanket that he “doesn’t need,” making his way over to you in the kitchen.

“I’m bored. And my legs are stiff. What are you doing?”

“I’m making us dinner, go lay back down I’ll be in in a few.”

“I’ll help, I’m feeling better.”

“No, you’ve got germs all over you.”

You suddenly felt his arms wrap around you, blanket covering your eyes, as he planted a large kiss on your cheek. “Now you’ve got germs all over you to, so now I can help.”

“Why are you like this?”

“Cmon, you love me. Now hand me a knife, I can chop vegetables.”

“No, I told you, no more knives for you. Not after last time.”

“It was one time.”

“You threw it at Eric’s head at a work dinner.”

“I told you, it was one time!”

“That was the third time you’ve done it!”

“Listen – “

--

“Is your stomach feeling better?”

“Yeah, yeah. Don’t worry about it, I’m fine.”

“Would you stop telling me to not worry about it? You just threw up, I’m allowed to baby you a little when you’re sick.”

“I’m not sick.”

“Then why did you just throw up?”

“That’s not important.”

--

“Would you go lay down? You need a good night’s sleep.”

“Are you gonna come lay down with me?”

“I will in a minute, I need to wash my face.”

“I’ll lay down when you lay down.”

“You’re so clingy.”

“I’m allowed to be clingy when I’m sick.”

“I thought you said you weren’t sick. And you’re like this all the time.”

He rolled his eyes, mumbling something to himself as he made his way out of the bathroom towards your bed.

“I need to take your temperature again before we go to sleep. The doctor said we should take it every couple hours.”

“I still don’t know why you needed to call the doctor.”

��Do you want to feel better?”

He groaned. “Fine. Just don’t put it up my ass.”

You laughed. “No promises.”

--

You were just dozing off when you felt Mark stirring next to you. You were suddenly awake, ready to get him whatever he needed. Instead, you felt his strong arms wrap around you from behind, his face burrowing in the crook of your neck. He planted a small kiss on your shoulder.

“Thank you for taking care of me today.”

You smiled into the dark of your room. “You’re welcome, asshole.”

[lokiforever]

His Favourite Mortal 🧡

Mood board by, the one and only - ME

A/N : So, this is for the birthday of the one and only @holdmytesseract ❤️ The one you all know as a lovely writer and an amazing person. Hope you like this little drabble, my friend.

First of all, this is tiny as I didn't have much time and ideas and I'm writing this at 2 am instead of sleeping, so, sorry about that. You already know why the theme is orange. Happy birthday, darling 🧡

Today was the day. The birthday of his favourite mortal. The God had waited so long for this day as this would be your first birthday with him. And hence, he wanted it to be nothing less than perfection.

He looked at your sleeping form beside him, a soft smile forming. Time to execute plan A.

You woke up in a cold bed, without your gorgeous boyfriend on your side. It wasn't too uncommon for him to wake up before you, though and so, it didn't bother you that much.

"Ah, looks like my little dove is awake already" his voice urshed to your ears, making you smile softly, your eyes were still closed as you were in the trance of your sleep. He gracefully walked in the room with a tray of delicious breakfast.

It included a plate of warm pancakes, beautifully plated with some maple syrup and berries. Eggs made just the way you loved them. Two croissants, two cups of hot cocoa as it was cold, a set of muffins and last but not the least, two mugs of warm tea.

He placed the tray on your bedside and turned to you. "Good morning, my love. And a very Happy birthday" you slowly opened your eyes, seeing his beautiful face "Good morning, darling. Thank you so much" you said w a big smile as he leaned down to kiss you softly. "I made breakfast for us" "You did?" "Uh-huh" "Aw, my love...you truly are the best"

You loved the breakfast as well as the gesture, he always thought so much. "Loki..I..this is truly amazing, babe. I don't have words to describe how much this means to me.. thank you so much. You're the best" you said with a few tears in your eyes as you saw the tempting tray he had set up and felt the love that literally oozed out from it.

"Of course, my love. Afterall, it's the birthday of my favourite person."

After finishing breakfast, he moved onto step two. "Now, you must go and get ready, love" he said.

"Are we going somewhere, darling?" "We are" "Where?" "Asgard" "Asgard?!" you asked in excitement and disbelief. "Yes, my love. The people of Asgard wanted to celebrate the birthday of their princess. Plus, mother wanted it too , not to mention Sif and brother." "OMG!!! Really!??" "A hundred percent"

You couldn't contain your excitement. It was a dream come true. A ball. A literal ball feast for you. It was surreal..

"But what shall I wear?" "You underestimate my abilities, darling" he said with a wink.

After an hour, you too were standing outside your house. Loki called Heimdal and the bifrost open. "Just hold onto me." he told you. And you did, you clung onto him for dear life as the bride teleported you to Asgard.

It's beauty never failed to amaze you. It was something words could never describe. You greeted Heimdal and he welcomed you.

As you went inside the golden palace, you met Frigga and exchanged your greetings as she wished you a happy birthday. She was without doubt one of the sweetest persons you've ever met..

"If you don't mind, son, I'll take your lady with me now, we have to get yer ready for the feast." she said to Loki. "Of course, mother. Just don't take too long" he ended with a playful smile

As you went with Frigga, she showed you a dreamy gown, it was in Loki's colours and was the most gorgeous dress you had ever seen. No time later a group of maidens entered the room ro get you ready.

*a few hours later*

You heard a knock on the door 'Just in time' you thought. You looked absolutely gorgeous and like a true princess. "It must be Loki" said Frigga

"Come in"

And it was indeed Loki. He froze the second he laid his eyes upon you. You walked towards him and smiled. "D-Darling you...you..umm...you look absolutely ravishing... exquisite." He said as he was at a visible loss for words.

"You don't look any less, my prince"

"Can I have my lady back, mother?" "Sure you can but first..." she walked towards you and handed you a gorgeous necklace, it was like none Midgard has ever seen "This is my present for you, dear. May you and your love for each other keep prospering. "Thank you so much, Frigga. You are truly one of the best people I've met" "Oh, you flatter me, my dear child. My blessings are always with you two"

Soon enough it was time for the ball. The guests started arriving. The ball was grand. The people were great and were very happy to meet you.

It was now the mid of the ball that Loki turned to you and said "I still haven't given you my gift, love" "Oh, Loki.." he stood up to make an announcement "Ladies and gentlemen, all the people of Asgard, as we all know, we have gathered here to celebrate the birthday of the lady whom I have the pleasure to call mine. So, this great evening, in the presence of you all.." he took out a box which had a beautifully crafted ring and bent down on one knee "In the presence of all of Asgard, I, Loki...*he took a tiny glance at his so called father and turned back at you* Odinson, ask you, Y/N Y/L/N to be my wife. Will you marry me?"

Your eyes were teary and you couldn't form words. You noded "Yes! A Thousand times yes!!"

The crowd erupted in cheers as Loki slipped the ring in your finger and got up to pull you in a passionate kiss.

🧡🧡🧡🧡🧡🧡🧡🧡🧡🧡🧡🧡🧡🧡

Wish you a very happy birthday, Maddie. May you be blessed forever. Love you, my friend ❤️

~Lots of love xxx

[oftenderweapons]

Alone With You | KNJ

Pairing: Namjoon x reader (nicknamed Vixen)

Wordcount: 1.9k

Genre: angst, fluff, hurt to comfort

Rating: 16+

Warnings: none, except maybe some swearing and some spicy thoughts. One very involuntary suggestion of phone sex.

Synopsis: Namjoon and Vixen have a late night-early morning phone call regarding their relationship and the release of Indigo.

A/N: sorry, I’m late but I’ve been obsessing over beta reading this fic over and over, then I was doubting some stuff about it and I was on the verge of not publishing it (because I’ve been feeling extremely insecure about my writing in the last six months or so) Anyways, here it is. Done is better than perfect, so please love it as it is 💜🥺

Enjoy 💜✨

“Hey.”

“Hey.” Namjoon takes in your sleepy voice. His first album is dropping in an hour. And you’re awake at four am for him. 

“How are you feeling?”

You feel him breathe, pausing at the other end of the line. “Lonely.”

It’s like a punch in the gut for you. You couldn’t choose. You had to be at the other end of the world on such a meaningful day. 

“I’m sorry.”

“I mean it in the good way, right now.” He exhales. “I’m excited but also… I don’t feel safe, somehow.”

You roll onto your side. He hears the shuffling of the sheets. It’s somehow so intimate. 

“You’re still in bed?”

“My alarm just went off. I wish I’d stayed up with you all night. Talk this out like we do. Like you need to.”

“I wanna see you,” he complained softly. “I miss you.”

“Miss you too.” Your voice got mellow, more tender, soothing. “I’m alone too.”

“We’re alone with each other. Across the world, you and I.”

“God bless technology. So we can be alone together.”

He gave his most gentle chuckle. This renewed tenderness, this way of being delicate and fragile with each other. It was all somehow new over the phone, in this moment, so early in the morning. Maybe if you’d been in the same room, him here in your bed, you curled up next to him on the sofa, maybe you would have been making love, the way you do when all his layers are laying on the floor and he’s so innocently and vulnerably bare before you, his heart beating, bleeding in your hands. 

“I love talking to you like this.” An exhale. He followed it with his ear, straining it till sound stumbled into silence. Longing, quintessential and obliterating, he was nothing but wanting, out of a sudden. You had this effect on him, of shutting up everything but the moment, with you. He was one with you and it was as if the statics on the call could tell everything he cannot say, as if the very vibrations of particles carrying this call, from you to him, and him to you, could embody the bond between the two of you. 

He kept thinking of you, of this. 

“I love listening.” Could he creep into those particles? Could he use those words to get inside your head, crawling backwards, your lips, your teeth, your tongue, all the way to your vocal cords, and there find the electricity that carried your thought to your throat from your brain, and there find the exact place he occupied. 

He wanted to see the shape of it, see if it’s shaped like the home you made together. See if it’s more precious. If it’s tapestried in moments of the two of you together, if it’s soft, if there are any hard edges, or if it’s all smoothed, rounded corners where one wall flows in the other, just like you and him join at the borders of each other. 

“Where are you?” He asked, tears welling up in his eyes. 

You knew somehow he didn’t mean literally, still you gave him the easy answer. “I’m laying in an empty bed. In Paris. And I miss you like crazy.” 

“It’s not what—” He knew you knew what he meant, and suddenly he also knew why you’d chosen that answer. 

“I know it’s not.” You bit your lip. “I’m in Bali.”

He inhaled. Exhaled. All the nights there, all the promises. All the sweet, sweet nothings he’d melted into. “I’m seeing you, in the pool. In my shirt.”

“You’re on the balcony. I smile at you.”

“I’m hiding your engagement ring in my pocket.” He sniffled, not even trying to hold back a sob. 

“I’m gonna say yes,” you remind him. “I’ll say yes every day for the rest of my life.”

He nods. “I’ll work hard to earn it.” He tries to conceal his sob this time. He knows the last thing you need is hear him like this. “Come back soon.”

“Just one more week. Not one day more than that. I promise.”

Silence stretches comfortably. “I’m sitting with my feet in the pool. In Bali.”

“My head’s in your lap. I’m floating. I’ve never felt so happy. So in love with myself and life and the universe. And you.” It’s your voice that breaks this time. “We’re dancing in the dark. You smell of coconut oil and sun and happiness and home.”

“We’re barefoot in the kitchen, you’re climbing up on me. I’m trying to make you a midnight snack.” His voice lowers. “You’re wearing my shirt, again. It’s funny cause I made love to you and forgot to take off one of your socks, so you pulled on one of mine and now your socks are mismatched. You rushed your way to the kitchen without realising it.”

“I just wanted to be around you,” you admit. “I was falling for you.”

He arched an eyebrow. “Back then? You never told me, I guess.”

“You knew I was already falling when we had that tragic dinner. When we told ourselves to calm down.”

“The night I got to your place by bike at like, two in the morning?” He remembered that night. He remembered how you’d clung to him when he’d arrived, how you’d tugged his jacket off him, how you seemed restless, relentless in your getting closer. He remembered how guarded he’d felt, how he’d forced himself to toughen up and allow you under his skin, but not in his heart. He had woken up in your bed and he remembered how grumpy he’d felt about having body parts restraining his movements, and then he’d seen your face. And he’d smiled so, so bad. 

“That night. I woke up and I knew I was gone.”

“I remember you mentioned the time you got cold feet when you were staying at my place, that first weekend.” He laid down onto his side, drawing up a blanket — precisely your gray fleece one. He searched for a sniff of your perfume on it, but most likely it was still drenched in his cologne from when he’d left for the US, right before you’d headed off to Paris. “You said you didn’t want to fall.”

“I did. I had just realised how easy I could make my home out of you.”

“That night, the one of the dinner, it was like… Three weeks after our first weekend?” He tried to remember the timing.

“It was. That night I understood how much I needed you all the time already. That platonic wasn’t enough.” You exhaled.  

He followed the sound, again. And again. It was disturbing, not feeling the small gust of air against his neck, like he always does when you’re breathing so close to him. “Where are we now?”

He wanted to keep digging in that moment, as if he could see it from your point of view. “We’re still there, that night. When you got cold feet.”

“What about that night?”

“You were under me.” He smiled, remembering his fingers in your mouth, your eyes slowly rolling closed. “You called me daddy for the first time, while we’re making love. Cause we both agreed that that night we made love.”

You laughed. “Jury’s still out on that one.”

“No way.” He laughed too and it was there, scorching, all this love for you. What would he do with it if you ever left? “Where are we now?”

You paused for a long time. “On the sofa.”

“At home?”

“At my old place.”

He knew this memory. He knew this place, he knew it best. The game had started there, this game of going back to memories of the two of you, places where he had felt normal, where he’d buried a splinter of his heart. He stayed silent. 

“It’s our second kiss.” You continue. “You want to calm down, but I want to have you so, so bad. We’re spooned up on the sofa.” Your voice gets breathy and hot. “We’re watching a film.”

This is a new direction. You've played several scenarios, and he still expects you to head back to a familiar one when you add, “You’re watching the film and I’m playing one thousand ways to take you down. I’m planning how I’m going to have you.”

He bites his lip. “While I was focusing on the movie?”

“Focusing on the movie? You were totally feeling me up.” At some point you’d even turned around, staring at his jaw, kissing it before he stopped you. “Focus,” he’d told you. 

“I was. Feeling you up, I mean,” He hummed, cleared his voice. “How did you take me down, fox?”

“We did it once, actually. When I rode your thigh, on that weekend.”

“That weekend? The first weekend?”

You hummed in confirmation. 

“Wow. Could have avoided two weeks of blue balls like that?” He shook his head and giggled. “Amazing.”

“But the wait was worth it.”

He laughed fondly. “Totally.”

“Are you feeling better?” You asked, enjoying the way your chat had lightened his mood. 

“Absolutely,” he replied. 

“Did you listen to the song I sent you?” You asked. 

He gritted his teeth guiltily and hoped you didn’t know—

“You didn’t.” You chuckled. “I know. Very romantic of you.”

“Dammit if I had you here… Sleepy, early in the morning, still warm and tender from sleep.” He shook his head. 

“We wouldn’t be talking by now.” You both laughed. 

“What are you wearing, love?” He was trying to imagine you. Unfamiliar bed, with unfamiliar white sheets. Maybe one of those fancy comforters filled with feathers. 

“A very unsexy mix.” The sheets ruffled again through the line. “Fuzzy socks, old knickers. The one with the lips emoji printed all over. And your sweater, the one with the bear, from our trip to Patagonia.”

He snorted with that kind of disappointment that comes from the fondest, most loving spot in his heart. “Unsexy, you said?”

“Since the socks aren’t mismatched, you know.” You both giggled at your inside joke.

“You mean to tell me you’re all ruffled up from sleep, and your cheeks have that special puffed look you have when it’s still too early in the morning, and you’re dressed like that and I could just… You know, slip those knickers to the side and have my sweet, sweet way with you, while you’re still too sleepy to check how you moan for me?”

“Don’t make me want things I can’t have, you demon,” you whined. 

His cackling echoed through the line, then it slipped into silence gently. “Thank you for sticking around, my love. Even when I’m in a shitty mood.”

You shrugged, following him through all his mood swings, all his thoughts from lighthearted flirting to deep analysis. “It’s a pleasure, Joonie.”

“Thank you for being there, through all the writing, producing, all the polishing up.” Sweetness washed over him. “Thank you for all the love we made.”

“That was mostly my pleasure, I assure you.” You tried to make his tone lighter, mostly because you didn’t want him to feel like he was crawling in the dark without you. 

“Thank you for not letting me go. For taking me back when I made you feel not enough.” He bit his lip, holding back emotion. This is a happy moment, he asserted in his mind. “Thank you for loving me. I wish I could watch us fall in love all over again. Like a movie. Watching you love me helped me fall for myself, and—”

“I know.”

And he knows you know. You somehow have always known. The universe pulled you through the tides so that every storm, every wave, every raindrop, every moonbeam could mold you into his perfect lover. A partner, a soulmate, a mentor, a protector, a scientist, a friend, his best friend. 

You smiled. “I know.”

Please, leave a like, reblog or comment to keep a little writer motivated ✨💜

[yearofradicalselfbelief]

Part One - 19/08/23 - the purpose of this blog.

CW: mentions of suicidal ideation (from the past). No gory details, though. Be safe, don't read if it's going to trigger you 💜

Six years ago, I was suicidal. Sometimes depression means actively wanting to die, and sometimes it means just not particularly wanting to be alive, and back then mine got so bad that I toppled strongly, face-first, into the former category. It had been a chronic sort of “thing” for years before that – since my pre-teen years, really – but a combination of lots of concurrent outside events, and an inability to find a doctor who’d listen to me (and therefore medicate me) really sent me spiralling while I was at university, and it culminated in that, by the time I hit my third year. By then, I was leaving my bed only to go to class – on the days I wasn’t too anxious to attend class – I was only writing if not writing would eventually mean answering to an angry course leader, and when I wasn’t forcing myself to sleep until I physically could not sleep any longer (my personal best was a stretch that surpassed twenty-four hours, and I ended up entirely nocturnal at one point, which uh…probably didn’t help), I was wishing I was asleep.

Looking back on it now, none of it actually seems real. It doesn’t seem like a memory, but rather a very, very bad dream. I couldn’t bear being awake, I couldn’t bear being alive, and so I had a plan, and I had a deadline (for lack of less apt phrasing) by which I needed to carry out said plan, and I had the tools I needed for it. All I lacked was the courage. Now that I’m no longer in that headspace, I can absolutely see that courage was not the right word for what I lacked at the time, but it was what I called it back then, as I spent countless days curled up on my bed, staring at the wall in silence, both willing myself to move and forcing myself to stay absolutely still because I was afraid of what I might do if I did eventually find that will to move. It was that grappling, as well as sheer religious faith that my gods were indeed with me, that stopped me from doing something very, very stupid.

As far as the details of that deadline are concerned, I’m not going to get into them because it doesn’t really matter…and I don’t want to offer up any inspiration for people who might currently be struggling with what I grappled with back then. But the deadline approached, the “courage” did not, and I quickly began to realise that I was at a sort of crossroads. Either I’d do it, and…well, no “and”. That was sort of the point, wasn’t it?

Or I wouldn’t do it. That was the only alternative, and as my window of opportunity was beginning to shut, I was having to seriously grapple with the fact that it was really beginning to look like I wouldn’t do it. However deeply and endlessly thankful I am for that fact now, back then it filled me with dread and foreboding. Because not doing it would mean more of the dreaded “this”, and “this” was unbearable. “This” being the way my life was back then. So the only real alternative (other than the one I was failing to work up the “nerve” to turn to when it really came down to it) was to change “this”.

That was when I made a deal with myself – and the making of this deal is the only part of these memories that feels real to me now. The deal was pretty simple. With one of my two “options” there was no half-assing it, and there was no going back afterwards. On a very literal, physically possible level. When you check out, there’s no checking back in. So why did the other option have to be any different? Why did that have to be a half-assed sort of weary existence until some outside force put my out of my misery for me?

No. When I scraped together every little shred of hope that I could muster, I told myself this. That if I chose life (insert Trainspotting montage here), I’d have to really choose life. I’d have to go for what I wanted, all or nothing, and really fucking go for it, because if I was going to throw my hands up and do this thing – and live – I’d have to give it my fucking all, because that was all I was going to accept from myself if I was going to insist on sticking around.

The deadline came and went, and I was still around, so I had to make peace with the deal I’d taken.

And this isn’t a Disney movie, right? The depression didn’t disappear. It was never quite as bad as it got in the run-up to the “deadline”, but it was still bad. As a stroke of luck, a couple of months later I finally got a doctor who would actually listen to me, got me medicated the first day I stepped into her office, and set up weekly follow-up appointments so she could keep an eye on me and be a lifeline while I was on a waiting list for proper mental health services. I also ended up living with my brother full-time (as opposed to between uni semesters, as before) which was a godsend because he's my best friend, and he's been through almost everything I have, as far as family is concerned anyway, so there's an inherent understanding there that I can rarely find with others.

The meds got me sleeping properly again (because after graduation I shifted from sleeping constantly, to sleeping two nights a week maximum – in six hours per night – the rest all coming from fitful naps), and they got me to a place where I could begin doing the work that would help the rest fall into place. Therapy, writing again (writing daily, no less, by the time I’d been on the meds for a year or two), seeing friends, taking joy in things. They also helped me build up the strength that I’d need to face what was still on the way – because between then and now, I had to face untangling myself from an abusive living situation, cutting off family members who I’d once been very close to once I saw (at the behest of a therapist) how their treatment of me had played a very big role in the state I’d ended up in, and then the homelessness that all of that spawned.

Getting better basically coincided with spending a good few consecutive years entirely in survival mode. I kept myself together as best I could, ended up obsessed with constant writing and working out as a way to distract myself from everything else happening on the outside, and I was pretty deservedly proud of myself for my much healthier coping mechanisms than the ones I’d used to get through uni.

When I look at where I was then, and who I was then, compared to now, I’m very proud of what I’ve achieved. My mental health is still very wobbly, but it’s not what it was back then – which was un-fucking-survivable – and now I’m writing again (back then it was a major win if I wrote once a week), in fact I’m writing more than ever. I have a novel in the beta reader stage. I’m exercising weekly now, which I never did back then. I’m happy to be alive now, which is something I never thought I’d be able to say back then.

But I’m still not where I want to be. I mentioned that I’ve just spent a few years living in survival mode – right up until I ended my bout of homelessness and sofa surfing by moving cities (and countries) to come and live with family instead. The thing about survival mode is, though, when you’ve lived like that for so long – longer than I even originally realised – it doesn’t just “turn off”. For months and months after I moved and life settled down, I had to grapple with symptoms of C-PTSD that still crop up every now and then, because my brain doesn’t know how to adjust to quiet and relative peace now.

It took some work to get through that – and honestly I don’t yet know if I am fully through it, it comes and goes – but now, for now, things are quieter, and I’m left at sore risk of growing stagnant now that I’ve let myself have a well-deserved bit of peace and quiet. I’m at risk of forgetting the deal I made with myself.

I’m so used to just surviving, and to being on edge, and to doing all of that against a back-drop of near permanent, crippling self-doubt, that I’ve forgotten how to actually live my life. At present, my life revolves around getting my novel finished and sent to agents, but I’m not even managing that because of that crippling self-doubt that was just a sort of background problem while I dealt with a lot of far more pressing things.

I wouldn’t change anything I’ve been through. Any of it. At all. I learned a lot of lessons from it, but I also now need to accept that I’m not going through any of it anymore. And I need to start building what comes next, because this period of peace that I’ve carved out for myself now is hardly going to last forever. And I keep remembering that damn deal, as I sit back and I let anxiety slow down my novel writing progress to a glacial pace. I know I’m a good writer, but with the novel in particular, every sentence I write is hounded by a constant stream of “this is never going to get published, no publisher will want this”, and given that having books on shelves in shops is my one and only life dream, it’s just no fun to sit and tell myself.

So, this week, I’ve been asking myself what if I just gave myself a year – just one single year – of radical self-belief? What if, for the next year, I approached all of my goals like I couldn’t possibly fail them? What if I just gave myself a fucking chance? A chance I owe to myself from six years ago, who resolved to give my present self a fighting chance at doing this thing?

That’s what I want to do. From now, until September 2024, I want to behave as though I can’t lose. Because that’s the only way I’m going to win. I want to stop fear from tainting every single damn thing I do. And the fear, and the anxiety, and the depression, they’ll still be there. But they don’t have to dictate. They don’t have to paralyse. I’m not saying I think I’ll have achieved all of my life’s dreams 12 months from now, but I am saying I’ll have done far more to get there than I will if I keep allowing the fear to dictate what I do and don’t do. I need a reset. I need to shake off the last few years.

Most of all, I need to keep myself accountable. Because it’s all well and good to vow this sort of thing to yourself, but eventually you forget about it, you get tired, and you default to old ways. I no longer have my WordPress blog up (and honestly I don’t need all of the snoopers from IRL from my WordPress blog to be reading this anyway, because this is far more personal than I’d be willing to get on there), so that’s what I’m doing here. Holding myself accountable, and resolving to do this fucking thing. All of it. Because I deserve it.

I’m not sure if anybody is going to end up reading this – I’m very aware that this first post is a fucking drag in terms of content matter, but I’m still going to be here posting anyway, mostly for myself, and if it ends up helping or entertaining anybody along the way, that’s just a nice rosy bonus. I’ve missed creative non-fiction writing, but my WordPress blog was consistently stalked and hounded by some people from my past that I quite frankly do not want as an audience, or to even be reminded of, so this is my way of reclaiming that for myself, too. 💜

[trillgutterbug]

tagged by @malewifemanhunter ty!!

name: trill q gutterbug, the q stands for queer

star sign: who knows or cares

height: 5'10, which means i can definitively say coffee doesn't stunt your growth, even if you start drinking it age 4

time: 9:38am 😓 i do NOT want to be awake rn but the rest of my family is gone atm so the grisly burden of letting the chickens out at ass o'clock fell to me. (eta it is now 12:13 bc i fell asleep for two hours before posting this)

birthday: the day laura ingalls wilder was wed

favorite bands/artists: of montreal, why?, clipping., and nine inch nails are the eternal faves i can't get sick of, but im also tremendously partial to kendrick and lil nas and hozier and mcr and twenty one pilots and the like. also i listen to a lot of chillhop and electroswing, because im a good person with good taste

last movie: i think mad god, which was fantastic and completely incomprehensible. i don't usually have the attention span to sit through a movie if im watching it alone, so.... ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ (eg, the way i still have to finish everything everywhere all at once, which i got an hour into last week, enjoyed tremendously, then got up to walk around and listen to a podcast and play a video game and jerk off or whatever the fuck, and just haven't gone back!)

last show: i believe the latest ep of what we do in the shadows.... or maybe sunny? or euphoria? whatever it was, i was watching it with jackie im sure!

when did i create this blog: idk where to find that info, but im p sure 2014, after LJ shat the bed and i dipped from active fandom for a couple months and when i came back it was like.... owo where'd everyone go?! here, apparently.

what i post: constant thirsty nonsense about a rotating string of fandom obsessions, shitposts, sometimes a bit of tumblr-brand anarchism and socialism bc even the junkfood buffet churns out a smidge of healthy caloric content every once in a while

last thing i googled: i don't use google but the last thing i duckduckgo'd was........ where's wade wilson from, bc i saw something that said vancouver and one of the movies implied regina but i swear to GOD i know it's winnipeg from some other source. results annoyingly inconclusive.

other blogs: @truelevelb1tch, my rick and morty side, which is going to pop off again in a MONTH (!!!!!!!!!) when s6 starts dropping 😱😱😱. i do not apologise for the person i become when r&m occurs, fair warning

do i get asks?: not enough to worry about, thank goodness

following: idk where to find that info either, but it's probably a few hundred, the vast majority of which are inactive at this point. i probably see <50 blogs on my dash??

average hours of sleep: like eight, which is NOT enough for me, but it varies wildly between 5 and 10 depending on what im doing for work on a given day/whether i have to get up early for animal-related reasons/if im up reading fic until 3am/time of year/blah blah

instruments: flesh flute....,,,

what i’m wearing: nuthin

dream job: I Do Not Dream of Labour

dream trip: i hate travelling! but i am partial to visiting my cousins' farm on the reg, so let's say that

nationality: canadian

favorite songs: the trapeze swinger by iron and wine has been my fave song for about ten years. it's almost ten minutes long and if stats across various laptops and ipods and phones could be collated, it would show a playcount in the thousands lol. i first heard it as the closing music on the amazing podfic for the inception fic presque vu and it gutted me on the spot. ode to the mets by the strokes is also on the same trajectory. otherwise, my fave songs come and go in the usual way, by liking something and listening to it repeatedly until i can't stand it. (eta: just went into my music app to see if i'd forgotten anything, and literally the only thing on my "most played" list is the trapeze swinger, so...)

last book i’ve read: currently reading (aside from the massive eternal stack of ww2 ref books) the half life of valery k by natasha pulley and grimscribe by thomas ligotti. most recently before that i read borne by jeff vandermeer, the kingdoms by natasha pulley, blood meridian, the d&d 5e player's handbook, and some postapoc scifi thing that was so forgettable i genuinely cannot conjure up the name of it or its author!!

top 3 fictional universes i’d like to live in: idk, they all seem uniquely bad in ways that do not necessarily improve upon the unique ways in which our current universe is bad. but to be sporting i'll say star trek of course, anything jared harris is in bc i want to fuck him more than im afraid of space terrorists or freezing to death or nuclear radiation, and the fictional universe i've been manifesting in my imagination for years where we never invented agriculture and i died at birth for simplistic umbilical cord-related reasons

lowkey tagging @kaasknot, @collapsinghorizons, @mollynoble, @twobrokenwyngs, @pohjanneito, @lingua-mortua, @sloppyplanetary, @alakeeffectgirl, and @quiescentire

[astronomy-two-worlds-apart]

okay idk how to even begin explaining how stressed out i’ve been and how close i am to crying. well how much i’m crying now

i feel like such a failure i’m gonna fail probably a few classes and like. i just suck. two projects. one was due in school like physically and the other is due in less than 3 hours from typing this. i’ve had all afternoon and done nothing but sit on the couch and do nothing. my teachers already question my work ethic and i’ve been told it sucks by some teachers. like what am i doing.

i’ve been having sleep issues meaning i can’t sleep half the time and the other half of the time i’m in bed by 9. awake by 3 or 4 but still. what the hell.

i try to eat enough but jesus eating meals really sucks. it always feels like i’m eating too much food and i’m gonna be sick. i don’t usually have like stuff or time or want to eat throughout the day either. and like my mom keeps saying “oh you have to eat or you’re gonna get sick” which yes i know but i’m not not eating as a form of self harm im not eating in a i will be sick way.

which speaking of being sick i literally have so much anxiety over that lately. there’s flu strep covid and god knows what else going around and yes i wear a mask but it still stresses me out so much to think that i could get sick. there’s always people coughing and sneezing from being sick. like they’re out and then they come back still a little sick and it makes me paranoid.

and of course there’s more academic issues bc failing to turn in projects is only one of the concerns. i have to take 5 or 6 finals next week all in the span of two days. two fucking days for 6 different tests. about 4 different reviews that i have to start and complete before the testing days.

i have to go to the store for multiple things, so money spending when i know for a fact that’s something my parents are stressing over and the reason why i purposely avoided telling them about the band disney trip money payments and stuff until it was too late. so they wouldn’t worry about like 3000-4000 dollars going to that in the next 4 months. am i upset bc i don’t get to go to disney and it was a trip i really wanted to go on? yes but i also don’t want my parents having another thing to use against me if i fuck up so they don’t spend money and i can’t get blackmailed win win i guess.

oh and a christmas concert on tuesday. and no the music doesn’t sound good. he’s gonna call a surprise sectional probably monday after school after the dress rehearsal and then get pissed when people can’t make it. he’s lowkey an asshole for that too so everyone’s gonna be upset over that. and it’s his fault for passing out music two weeks before the concert knowing damn well there’s other stuff going on.

i keep accidentally ignoring all my friends and feel bad for telling myself “i don’t actually care. like yes to a certain extent i care about everything they’re saying bc they’re my friends but at the same time i don’t as much as i should.” i keep like almost sabotaging myself and my life and it’s such an issue.

holy shit. i’m tired. i just need to have a way to exist outside from society. people are tiring. living is exhausting and i’m not even doing it properly bc i keep purposely/subconsciously messing everything up. why is it all just like this.

[calypsoff2]

Seventy Eight.

His hands on my hips as he continued the motion of moving in and out of me. Slowly, establishing a rhythm In. And out. And in. And out. My head dropped forward, my hair falling like a curtain across my face as my body rocked with the movement of his thrusts, feeling each thrust get more and more rough. I clenched my walls to grip him tightly, so he came quickly, but he thrust into me so hard I fell onto the bed and the wind knocked out of me “oh man” I said, I was going to crawl away from him actually doing that, he yanked me back up “dick” hitting his hand “why you doing that? Playing just hard for nothing” he entered me, and I yelped out “you’ve literally hurt me, fuck you” hitting his hand away but it’s just something he wants to do, let him cum “I will be soft, my god. Just relax, it’s you tensing up. Not me, this is you” let me just not do anything, let me just think of other things. How did I even get myself in this, well if I don’t give him sex what if he strays away, a man is a man. If they aren’t getting it at home then who will they get it from, he is going to be away from home more and more. Yes he did it for months, but he was home, he didn’t have the public, he didn’t have girls throwing themselves, he was home with me, and this is all so foreign to me, I don’t know what he is going to be like being famous. Fame is coming to him so fast; I am scared. I didn’t think it would be this fast, I didn’t think he would be doing this, not this fast. I didn’t even know he came; my mind is elsewhere. I didn’t even want to see his face; we did doggie and now it’s done with. He really hurt me there, like I am sore because of him “move” pushing by him, he had sex so now what “you are so annoying, you literally came to my room for sex? You came here” grabbing the tee from the floor.

Imani is better, I am just glad she is feeling better “is dad not going to be here when we come back? He said he will be gone?” they are so worried about him “ask him yourself he is awake” walking off with Junior “dad, are you going?” Imani is better but I am still keeping her away from the older two, Junior didn’t get it as bad, he is back to his usual complacent self. I need to go to the building but one more day, then tomorrow I can go “morning Imani” she smiled so wide looking at me “I think someone is better, doctor was right. Forty eight hours, no more sick. Does baby want to go out and eat? You want some big, nice food, I am hungry too” she nodded her head “some pancakes? Mommy can’t be bothered to cook so we can go out” Chris walked by me, I mean he didn’t even need to walk by me, I can smell his aftershave “daddy!” Imani spat “am I invited to breakfast?” he picked up Imani “yes” Imani said, of course she did “well I am hungry too, we can go and get some food” Chris grinned at me “I am going to get changed” turning around, he is going to annoy me so much and on purpose because he knows that we aren’t getting along and I just wanted peace, but deep down I knew he would be coming. I just didn’t want to cook for him, I am glad he is going. Brings me peace because he wants to go out of his way to annoy me. I am just going to remain silent; I am going to remain good; I cannot let him get under my skin. If I do then I will lose my shit but I am just so tired and busy that my lack of care is showing, even the fact I had sex with him, I hope he felt it and I know he did, he did know it so much, but he is angry with me that I went to the bedroom but I did it because I don’t ever want to feel like I could have done something, I am sore but whatever, we move on and I need to get changed.

Smiling at Junior, he is being a terror, because I want to get changed I am not breastfeeding. I gave him the bottle to hold and he just doesn’t want to know, he threw it. I think he would have had it if I held the bottle for him “I am back” Mel said “nice, so enjoying yourself?” I said to her “not after what I heard, why the hell did you give him sex? He deserved nothing Robyn, make it make sense. I bet that sex was so weak” she said, I laughed as I just finished my eyebrows “he took some time to cum, I was growing impatient really so I clenched around him and he got angry and he knocked me for ten, like I fell onto the bed then I was kind of done. I am sore now, but he knew it. Then he got mad because he said I came to the bedroom; he is right I did because Mel. He is going again; he is around females. If anything ever happens, least I know it wasn’t me. I am protecting myself. I am a woman, a used one at that. I have had four kids; my time is up. These girls are young, youthful. Asses and titties for days. I am not upset about it, but I got to protect my peace, least I know I did whatever” I shrugged “you think this was a good idea? I think your bright idea wasn’t good” clearing my throat “erm, I agree with myself Mel. I am sorry but he has done so much, he has always been home. I knew what it could be, but I didn’t think it would be this quick. He just needed a green light I guess, but I am aware. I know, he has an ego that gets him in trouble, but I wanted him to have a life. Imagine we turn eighty and he says you kept me here, I did nothing. I was always in the shadow because he mentions this shit now and then but yeah” the line went silent “you seen very closed off, not having a mental breakdown, I wish I didn’t go now” shaking my head smiling “no way, good on you. Life is keeping me busy; my kids are, my job is. I am fine, I am cried out” I laughed, I have accepted this mentally “it’s dangerous, I hope Chris knows this. Your attitude right now is dangerous” I swallowed hard “I just don’t want him to fail, which he won’t but he may embarrass me while he is” I chuckled “Herb and him have fallen out too, he was telling me. Chris said the reason he is in the house is for him. Herb is moving out too now” letting out an oh “oh no, what. I like Herbert, he is so funny. Wow, I do have an empty house now, what an asshole” that husband of mine “I know, I said to him maybe it is time he moved out, make his own path. I told him to go back to New York, don’t be in Cali or around Chris and Rihanna. Don’t be between them, at the end of the day them two will argue and fight and then they will make up and you could destroy that friendship, so I told him to stay out of it” Mel gave good advice “true” I mumbled.

Dressing Junior makes me so excited; I don’t know. He looks like a little man now “you are so mad with mommy, I am sorry” Mel chuckled “look how cute he looks” flipping the camera around “oh my, he is so adorable. Mother and son dressed up for breakfast, I like. I wanted to ask though, like on a real” turning the camera back to me “yes” Mel laughed and then stopped laughing “just what makes you think he would cheat, I mean the vibe you are giving is you are setting yourself up, I mean why? Chris is so good to you, supportive and everything” nodding my head “I know but he is an artist Melissa, he is hanging with Diddy, and all these fuck niggas that have wives, I mean come on. Chris has always been home, or near me. Just close, this is him being his own person and I want to protect myself, look he is a man. I hope he proves me wrong, but he is a man, I told you. I am you know, fixed. I have to get my butchered stomach back to normal, my ass hanging, just everything. Maybe just maybe he wants new, this is new to him. I mean come on, I had to do a lot of soul searching, I did Mel. But you know, he does love me, he does but so does every other man that makes a mistake. I am Rihanna but shit, Beyonce got cheated on” Mel let out an oh “that is so true” I shrugged “but he is happy, I have my happy too. My kids, I am happy. I am a mother, I am at peace, I have my business. Just get on with it” I shrugged “this calm Rihanna is scary” Mel is so annoying; she knows I blow up about everything.

Waving at some girls that are recording as I walked in behind Chris “hey” I said “Oh my god” they said, I chuckled. Chris is holding the car seat which I have missed that, I have missed Chris doing these little things for me “corner table, privacy” the waiter said “thank you” we came to the The Garden, it’s bougie of course but I didn’t want anything like McDonalds, I wanted something nice “hello” Imani said to the waiter, I laughed at her “sit next to your dad, I need to be next to Junior” walking around Chris, Junior is asleep so that is good. Placing the baby bag down on the floor “would you like something to drink while you wait” sitting down “water, orange juice for my daughter” shuffling the chair in and my leg hit Chris’ and I rolled my eyes “erm, just get me a sprite, thanks” Chris answered “can I have cake” Imani asked “you mean pancakes, yes you can. We will order that once I look for what I want” looking down at the menu, that avocado toast sounds nice “you look nice” Chris said “thanks” I mumbled, my phone started ringing in the baby bag, shuffling the chair back. Going into the bag and getting my phone, it’s Dennis “hello” answering the call “you’re not online on Skype, we had a meeting” letting out an oh “I am just having breakfast currently, I can’t make it. Reschedule for later, what is it about? I didn’t know, maybe didn’t take notice” I said “go through the pictures from the shoot really” letting an oh “you can do that with him, I don’t need to play on that” Dennis laughed “Rih, I think we need your eye. We wanted you to pick, I have a few I said yes too but if we speak to him he will just agree and not really care” taking in a deep breath “my business so yes, ok. I will be home in an hour or two and I will then skype you all, ok?” they want me to do it, like I can never just let them speak to Chris, he was being awkward at the shoot too because he was annoyed with me, I am not going to argue with him “talk soon” Dennis said “and you” disconnecting the call.

It's very awkward, there is so much to speak on with him but it’s just like where do we start and who is going to start it. I am really at a point in my life where I am at peace, I stopped barking. Cali will suck him in, and he doesn’t even know it but I am done and I think he knows it “why did you come in the bedroom knowing you didn’t want sex?” he broke the awkward silence between us both “you wanted sex” I said “come on, you initiated and you didn’t want it. That honestly pissed me off and the whole thing, just thinking about it just pissed me off” I sniggered “I felt you was pissed off” I mumbled with my eyes wide as I drank my water “sorry” he apologised, placing my glass down “sure” looking at Imani “you sent Jayson home, the agenda you hold is rather ugly” I said, Chris laughed “oh, the discussion. You not tired now, ready for it huh” he clasped his hands together, I hate him and his stupid face “a married man with an agenda, that is what you are” he sniggered, that smug laugh he just did “you are so power hungry because you are clicking your fingers now, you’re sat there thinking I will run like a dog” the waiter came over “order” I said “the food” taking in a deep breath “ready?” the waiter said “yeah homie, I am” he stared at me and I just stared at him, I am not even stressing about it, we just talking.

As soon as the waiter walked off Chris clasped his hands together coming closer to me “speak to me as a manager, now if you speak to me as a manager you would want me to socialise, but because I am married to you, you are thinking as a married woman. Speak to me as a manager Robyn, not as a wife” rolling my eyes “I am, I am not saying anything. Go and do the video, what you want me to say? You’re just mad I am not caring, but I am telling you one thing. You do not use the house the kids go too as a party house, someone having sex in that house is sick. I am pissed off at that, I want that house cleaned and what girls were in my home Chris?” Chris doesn’t know what to say but my phone pinged, looking down and it’s a message from Tina “you know what I remember, I never got a push present from you. Maybe it’s just something I should just accept, a present of life. I got my son” tapping on Tina’ message “if you got your head out of your ass maybe we could work and you wouldn’t be so anal about shit” I have to laugh, I am not shocked about this headline at all. Tapping on the link “anal about things? Oh I just know reality” tapping on the video on TMZ “so you know the party, did you just sleep? You’re the same guy that wants a secure house because of the break in last time” I can see Chris in this video “pretty much, I mean I did stay downstairs but like I did go to sleep” looking up at him “with strangers just there” I asked “they are known people” turning my phone to him “our family home huh” I laughed “Rihanna’s husband, not Chris Brown in this headline” he is literally an asshole, a stupid one at that.

Chris has been so quiet now, just eating. He is probably just thinking on what to say, I mean he had a party at the house, females just there. How sick do you got to be “sorry, I will stay at a hotel” that means he wants to party “fine” I said, “is that it?” he said confused “I am being a manager, isn’t that what you want?” I said to him “you’re just being clever with me and it’s annoying” I huffed out “what do you want from me? Do you want me to be on your case or be your manager, or what because you don’t like anything I say, you like to be right so, be right. I will be home, waiting on the next story” Chris swallowed hard “I don��t like this Teyana chick, what is she? A leader, I want you to stop hanging with her, I mean if that is something you can do” Chris is just going to shrug off what I said “and apologise to Herb, he means no harm” Chris laughed out “he cries to you like you’re his mother” shaking my head “no, you are penalising him because he dislikes how you are being, because isn’t supporting stupid you don’t like it. Chris I am not going to be on your case, you have had sex, you have been fed. Hugged the kids, now you can go. You want me to bark don’t you, then you have a reason to complain” he knows I am right “you are so fearful that I am going to stray away, I know you Robyn. You should have kept your mouth shut about this, left me to just be at home” shaking my head “you and I both know at some point you would have blamed me for not letting you live, just be careful out there. That is all I ask; I won’t be complaining. I am too busy for that, and Tina sends me this because she is protecting me, because whatever you do affects me, and go to a hotel, just make sure the house is clean” he really doesn’t like that I am not biting “I won’t stop hanging with people just because you said” I shrugged “then so be it” I said and then Chris and I jus stared at each other, he is not happy with the lack of care and on top of that I told him I don’t like his peers, he needs to see what I mean, and he will.

[lunatic-fandom-space]

"Its 10pm and Id like to read at least one more volume" I said before proceeding to stay up until 4:30am reading this manga until I was finished

So yeah, Im writing this at around 8:30am having gotten three hours of sleep and one hour of laying in bed awake, after I finished volume 30 chapter 165 of the black hutler and Id like to talk about some of my thoughts

I know that the emglish and japanese version are already further along than that (I mean, if my research was correct volume 31 did come out in german already, I just couldnt find a physical copy at either of my local bookstores), so I would appreciate it if you didnt spoil me

So yeah, non-spoilers first I guess:

Honestly, I had kind of mixed feelings about a lot of the... revelations ? is probably the best word? I dont know, like, I was reading this and I just kinda let myself be taken along for this thrilling rollercoaster of emotions but while I was doing that, I couldnt help but notice this nagging feeling of "uohhhh, i dont really like where this going" in the back of my mind, which made for a bit of a 'conflicting' read. Even now that Im fully awake looking back on it, I still dont quite know how to feel. I feel like with these kinds of wild storylines it always more or less depends on the conclusion, so I guess I'll wait for that

Also, as for my theory about the people from the Undertakers medallions being people who entered contracts with demons, Im a little less sure about that now?? Idk why because nothing happened that would contradict this

And thats pretty much it, I'll go into some of the more spoiler-y details now

HOLY HELL THAT TWIN TWIST WAS INSANE WTF MAN

like, I was kinda spoiled for this because Ive read a few fanfics where this is sort of mentioned, although it qas alqays in a pretty vague way and I was still shocked

Heres what I wrote to my friends in a discord server Im in right after the older brother showed up:

"Oh god

This arc was already some insane bullshit but Something just happened sorry if I spam in advance

Theres two Ciels

I was already kinda spoiled for this but still

like, okay, so in the previous arc Ciel had to be forcefed w/ a funnel so he wouldnt die of mustard gas poisoning and it triggered some traumatic memories from his past and he had an episode where he wouldnt let any adult touch him and during whole ordeal he would, idk dream or hallucinate or something

And he would hallucinate about himself standing on this beg chess board with a pretty outfit and a version of himself without the contract seal

And I was like 'surely this cant be literal, it has to be symbolic" yknow, the version of Ciel without the contract seal is an untainted version, possibly what he vouldve been if it wasnt for that day

NOPE

I WAS WRONG"

so yeah, that was something.

I still dont know how to feel about this, like, it makes sense even though its pretty clear to me that they came up with this twist a bit later on (I believe they had this idea a little before the Campania arc, I remember that scene during the extended flashback where hes standing in front of his parents graves also having a small cut-off panel with a gravestone with Ciels name on it), but ugh. Idk I'll just see how it goes I guess

I am sooooo curious about whats up with the Undertaker and the Phantomhives like ??? Bro, he CRIED looking at a picture of Vincent thats so weird. And obviously he went through all the trouble of reviving Ciel thats wild. So yeah, very excited to see where that goes

Im also very excited to see what theyre gonna do with Soma now. I really liked Agnis death and I while it felt like his change in personality was a bit jarring, I do like him becoming more jaded like Ciel. Theres a vertain irony to it bc he did admire him and sort of wanted to be like him in some way

Ngl I found it so frustrating how Lizzy and the Midfords and Tanaka just fully abandoned (our) Ciel after the other one showed up. Lizzy especially because its like

[honeycombstrawberry]

this isn’t a request but damn can’t stop daydreaming about how after you’ve been with Adrian for a while he wouldn’t be able to sleep at night without you and vice versa how maybe the first over night mission he does since you two got together he doesn’t realize it until he has to actually sleep and he’s just “oh shit, I can’t” to Chris after non stop talking for half an hour to him pissing him off because no ones getting any sleep, Harcourt would probably hear and when Adrian suddenly realizes it’s because you’re not there either Harcourt or Chris would take Adrians phone and just FaceTime you, give him the phone back and turns out ofc you’re having the same issue but eventually you both manage to sleep while on FaceTime to each other and Adrians clutching his phone close to his cheek :’))) ur honor I’m in LOVE-

oh my god i'm so sorry i know you just said this is not a request but i loved this so much it literally made me sweat so i also did write a little thing to go with it i am simply so sorry please forgive me. i'm putting it in this post as penance because you basically outlined the entire thing i just wrote it

🧜‍♂️

only in my dreams

pairing: adrian chase x reader (gn pronouns)

rating: gen

word count: 1,086

one-sentence synopsis: adrian can't sleep without you, and the 11th street kids would've killed him for it, if emilia didn't figure things out in time to save you both.

author's note: i'm sorry i can't stop writing ofmd fic so i wrote this little drabble as a SWEET LITTLE TREAT for you all because ilysm and also adrian and i want him to hold me. oh my god wait should i write a pirate au. okay wait should i

>>> read on ao3! <<<

"Do you think birds hear like we do, or does everything sound different since they don't have ears?" Adrian asks the room at large.

Chris groans loudly, grabbing a pillow from the edge of his bed and whipping it in Adrian's direction.

"Hey!" John exclaims. "Watch it, dickhead—"

"Sorry," Chris replies. He buries himself back in his remaining pillow and says, "I was trying to get Adrian to shut the fuck up—"

"I don't know why you're all so tired," Adrian says. Chris can hear the springs of his mattress creaking slightly as he shifts around in bed, twisting restlessly.

"Maybe because we've been up for over twenty-four hours," Leota mumbles into her own pillow. "I don't know why you're not tired."

"I dunno," Adrian replies. "I'm just not. Maybe I'm built different."

"Go the fuck to sleep," Emilia snaps from her bed. It's the first overnight mission she's had to bring the team on in a few months, and she really didn't think having them all sleep in one room during the stakeout part of the op was going to cause any issues.

She'd forgotten to account for Adrian being Adrian— though, he's never had this problem before. If anything, he'll occasionally fall asleep in the wrong place and be too difficult to wake up. He is consistently chatty, but not usually at night. This isn't a typical issue for him, and definitely not one Emilia had been anticipating.

Her phone buzzes. With a furrowed brow, Emilia reaches for it, turning it over to read her text messages.

When she sees she has a text from you, she frowns slightly, checking the time. It's nearly three in the morning; you should be asleep, too. You would be joining the op in two days' time; you were the one who had been selected (in that you lost the rock-paper-scissors tournament the 11th Street Kids had held) to go and retrieve the weaponry needed at the tail end of the mission. There's no reason you should be awake; you have a long day ahead of you, and a flight tomorrow night. There's not a lot of sleep in your future.

Still, you've inexplicably sent Emilia a text that says, do you think i could teach myself how to raise chickens using youtube videos?, despite the fact that it's not yet dawn. All of you should be asleep.

"Hey," Adrian says, across the room the team's all sharing. "Are spices all just, like, grown that way? Or are some of them invented? Like, can a spice be made up, or—"

"Oh, my fucking God," Chris shouts. "Shut up, Adrian!"

Emilia squints through the darkness at him, starting to put two and two together. She’s not the one in charge of this little unit now for no reason; she’s smart, for one thing, and a quick thinker, for another.

She also acts fast, and she’s already sighing, starting to climb out of bed, the springs creaking as she stands.

“What now?” Leota demands.

“Get back in bed, Adrian, or I swear to fuck—” Chris starts to threaten.

“It’s me this time,” Emilia says, and he goes quiet immediately. She pads through the darkness to Adrian’s bed, snatching his phone off the charger beside him, swiping to turn it on.

“What the fuck are you doing?” Adrian demands, sitting up blearily, grabbing for his glasses to shove them back on. “How do you know my passcode?”

“Because I know (Y/N)’s birthday,” Emilia tells him. She taps the button to video call you; you pick up within a second. “Hi there.”

“You’re not Adrian,” you say, confused. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing,” Emilia immediately responds. “Relax, God. The two of you. Why the fuck are you awake?”

“Can’t sleep,” you answer simply.

“Yeah, well, neither can he,” Emilia says, and passes the phone down to Adrian in bed. The light glowing on his face from the phone is just enough to illuminate him for you, his features lit by a dim blue.

“Hi,” Adrian says, tugging the phone in close. “What, you can’t sleep?”

“I messaged you, but you didn’t respond,” you tell him.

“I put my phone on to charge!” Adrian exclaims. “I didn’t want to bother you while you were trying to sleep, I thought I’d keep you up when you needed rest!”

“No, I can’t even sleep,” you respond. “I—” “Oh, my God, Emilia, you made it ten times worse,” Chris complains, tossing backwards into bed again. Emilia climbs into her own bed, ignoring them all completely, pulling her pillow over her head.

“Shut up and just— look at each other or something,” John instructs you and Adrian. “Or I swear to God— to God— I will destroy that phone myself.”

“I’d like to see—”

“I’ll help,” Chris agrees.

“Alright, sorry, fine,” Adrian says quickly.

“Sorry!” you call through the phone, too.

There’s a long moment of silence, then.

It takes a little bit, but— really not that long. After a couple of minutes, Emilia starts hearing Adrian and you whispering to each other. You’re keeping your voices low, though, and she can barely hear you both, so she’s not all that bothered, now. Especially since Adrian isn’t talking directly to anyone else in the room anymore, but only to you. There’s just mumbling, for a while. She hears the occasional laugh.

Emilia falls asleep before you and Adrian do, she thinks, but when she wakes up in the morning, the first one to rise, she finds Adrian asleep with his phone still gripped tightly in his hand, the warm screen pressed to his cheek. There’s nothing visible on the camera, but the call is still going, from what Emilia can see, and—

—When she looks closer, she thinks she can see kind of a smudge in the corner, and she thinks you might’ve done exactly the same thing. Sighing to herself, unable to not smile, just a little bit, she takes the phone and plugs it in before giving it back. She knows, if she doesn’t, she’ll hear about it later when the two of you would be unable to text each other all day.

Giving it back, Adrian brings the phone back to his cheek, tucking into it, hands and arms pulling up around it like he’s trying to hold you, though you’re not there. As if in response, you mumble something on the other line, though Emilia can’t make out the words as she buries back into her pillow to sleep a little while longer.

-

adrian chase taglist:

@deputyrook @bb-skyrunner @himboelover @pieriinova @gcldtom @violetrainbow412-blog @amysuemc @saturnngal @neptuneswritingwork @jewishdelis @myguiltypleasures21 @pinkygunslingy @chaseadrian @breathing-in-waves @rishlurh @goblynnrockz @theowritesstuff @themartiansdaughter @dallasvakarian @missscarlettangel @samantha24015 @hillaryroadheadcllinton @ohmybubbletea @buckys-estrella @witchywcmans @ladyrebel25 @eviejune @vigilantesluvr @qjuiq-odakyu @xothatnerdykid @awkwardfangirl2014 @thevalkyrior @mattsmanpain @sunflowerfive @deirdre-belle @anthonyedwinstark @sexysquatch @jelliebeanss @zofps @crimscnrains @trans-librarian @nellethiel-aranel @probablyasatanworshipper @phoenixhalliwell @perseajohnson @eeveeangelcakes @freyafriggafrey @psychadelictoadie @gaygonegirl @peacemakernet @herbsschmerbs @satansrighthandmanchild @seeking-a-great--perhaps @ev-june @bvcksmurdock @staticspouse @acupnoodle @middimidoris

[wizkiddx]

3 hearts broken

I did an angst thing again oops also not proof read double oops

summary: an argument between you and tom, except it takes him hurting someone else for you to loose it

warnings: alot of swearing (im British sorry not sorry) idk anything else except commitment issues?

////////////////////////////////////////////

It was an argument you and your boyfriend regularly had. In fact, it was the only argument the two of you ever had. And especially recently, one that Tom seemed to want to have every day. It didn’t matter where you were on set; in the rental home; out for dinner. Or like now… in the airport lounge.

You were sitting across from each other in a semi-private booth. Tom in his joggers and a burgundy hoodie, you in your black leggings and an oversized tee that actually belonged to your boyfriend. The rest of the place was almost deserted, given the late-night time of the flight. It was probably why Tom felt so comfortable bringing up this touchy subject in a public place.

You were both way past overtired too, owing to the end of a gruelling shoot. All you wanted was to get back to London and get into your own bed. Without an unnecessary fight with Tom.

Unfortunately for you, when you had naively said those exact words, Tom’s overtired brain skipped straight to it being a personal attack.

“I don’t see why you can’t commit to moving in Y/n! We practically live together for filming anyway so-“

“I love you Tom, more than I could ever express. I just… I can’t do this yet. I need… more-“

“More time, I know.” He grumbled, already standing and slinging his duffel bag over his shoulder - as the flight’s gate was announced by the intercom. Had he not already turned his back and started heading along the hallway, you would’ve tried to protest and calm him down. But thanks to his urgency to get away from you… all you could do was sigh. Slumping back against the seat before hauling yourself up and grabbing the bags - that he had helped you with on the way in.

No doubt this would be a long flight.

That it was. Tom had been maturely giving you the silent treatment at the gate, as you were boarding, and finding you seats. You were both in first class, so you had adjacent little pods with a little partition in the middle. It’s standard position was to be lowered however, before you’d even been able to settle into your window seat, Tom had already switched to button to have it slowly slide up.

Real fucking mature.

Thinking he just needed some time to cool off, you rolled your eyes but let him be. Even though you were such a frequent flier, you were terrible at getting any sleep on them. Tom knew this, knew how much you disliked the idea of being hurtling through the air in a tin can. Usually, he’d be holding your hand, entertaining you by watching a movie and providing a shit commentary over the top. Sometimes, when you were both as exhausted as right now, he’d even slide into your chair, having you perch on top of him so you could fall asleep listening to his heartbeat in his chest. Now though? He refused to acknowledge your existence.

Tom never had such issues flying, he was like a switch that could just choose to fall asleep at any and every point. Which is perhaps why it shocked you to see him still wide awake, staring angrily at the corner of his pod when you went to the loo, hours later. Thinking it was time for a peace offering, on the return to your seat you made eye contact and began to smile softly at him. However, that plan lasted for all of two seconds, since as soon as he realised you had seen him staring, Tom instantly shut his eyes - playing asleep.

He really was being particularly stubborn tonight.

By the time the plane landed, he’d still refused to say anything - and it was starting to really piss you off too. You’d tried to be mature, tried to offer the metaphorical olive branch and he had quite literally thrown it back in your face. So by the time you were being escorted off the plane (first because you were first class), you hung back from your boyfriend, wanting to have your own space.

Which was exactly why you didn’t want to give up your own apartment yet!

The two of you walked across the bridge into the terminal with a good 8 metres between each other. Tom didn’t bother to turn round and check on you, taking purposeful steps as though he wanted to get away.

Thankfully the terminal was quiet, probably due to the ungodly hour in the morning you’d landed at. The halls echoed only with your and Toms footsteps, the echo exaggerating just how far away you felt from him at this point. Still, Tom hadn’t acknowledged your existence, or anyone elses for that matter - the pair of you almost got to baggage reclaim before seeing any other humans.

And that is where it all went wrong.

It was typical, an otherwise empty airport except for you, Tom and a family with 2 girls. 2 teenage girls. 2 teen girls whose eyes widened to almost comical levels at the sight of your boyfriend. You’d seen them from a mile away, but from Tom’s reaction to them - he clearly hadn’t.

In fact, you were such a distance away you couldn’t exactly hear the exchange. But what you saw, had your heart in your mouth.

The girls ran over from the seats their whole family were sitting in, squealing at Tom with that overcited little jump you’d seen so often. Instead of Tom turning to them and entertaining them with small talk and a photo or two - he did the opposite. If anything, he quickened his cadence, looked as though he waved the girls off without muttering two words.

And maybe there was a reason. Maybe they had shouted something really rude at him - but fuck, the chances were slim. One looked ten, and one looked a couple of years older - as you approached, you saw the dejected and shocked faces melt into ones of intense disappointment. The eldest turned and hugged the younger, whose chest appeared to be shaking in a way that meant only one thing. Tom had made her cry.

Just as both the mother and father stood up to rush to the girls, you matched their hurried steps - getting their first.

“Hi, excuse me… “

You felt really awkward but knew you had to do something for these poor girls. And quite possibly for Toms career too. “Are you guys okay?” It took a second or two, but the girls clearly both recognised you too (thank god), throwing nervous looks at each other.

“Are yo-you Y/n?” The younger one asked, bright eyes glazed in tears which broke your heart to see.

“Yeh-yeh I am, what are your names?” You knelt, smiling warmly at the girls, who seemed to chirp up a bit.

“I’m Tima” The eldest spoke first before nudging the other to speak. You waited patiently till the little girl had wiped her eyes before replying.

“I’m Azara.”

“Wow, you’ve both got very beautiful names. Where are you both headin-“

“Can I ask you a question!?” Litte Azara burst out, interrupting you, but in the cutest and sweetest way. You just laughed and said of course, as she twiddled with her thumbs nervously.

“How big is the biggest T-rex?” Her little eyes were so curious and you had to suppress a giggle, seeing how serious it was.

Of course, the T-Rexs in Jurassic world (one of your movies) were all CGI. But Azara didn’t have to know that.

“Oh, they are bigger thanthan the tallest trees you’ve ever seen!”

You carried on your little chat with the girls for five or so minutes, laughing with them and exchanging soft nods with their parents too - who seemed appreciative of your time. Eventually, though, it was the dad who pulled time on the exchange, signalling that the girls had taken up enough of your time. As you stood up, Tima spoke up - after being relatively withdrawn from the conversation.

“You’re friends with Tom Holland right?” You nodded, subconsciously biting your lip to see what she would say. “Can you tell him sorry for bothering him, it’s just Azara was excited, we only wanted to say hi.”

Yeh, there was absolutely no way these incredibly sweet girls did anything to Tom. He was just being a knob.

“Hey, it’s not your fault at all. We’ve just had a really, really long flight, and he’s in a bit of a mood at me - I’m so sorry that he let it out on you.”

That explanation seemed to satisfy Tima with a nod, and with some final hugs you bid the girls both farewell. By this point, the rest of your plane had caught up along the corridors, so it was busier, and you had to fight against the small crowd to get through the airport as quickly as possible. Because you were seething with rage for Tom and could not wait to tell him exactly what those poor girls thought of him.

Unsurprisingly Tom had chosen not to wait for you in the airport at all, instead already hiding inside the blacked-out windows of the 4x4 waiting at the collection point. You marched up to that car angry to the point you thought the whole airport would notice. Yanking the door so hard you were surprised you did no damage to it, you threw your bags in - momentarily ignoring the sight of Tom huddled into a corner, staring at his phone with AirPods in.

But once you slammed the door shut and the driver started the car, you let yourself go.

“Who the fuck do you think you are!”

“Y/n can we just leave it for- “

“You made 2 girls cry!!! You were so self-absorbed in your temper tantrum that you made 2 teenage girls cry. You proud of yourself?”

This time he did look at you, eyes wide and confused - clearly not understanding. So you continued - laying it out for him.

“Those two girls you waved off because you were so busy running away from me? Well the youngest one cried and then the eldest didn’t speak and when she did it was only to ask me to apologise to you. You’re a fucking dickhead!”

“I didn’t mean-“

“Oh god, that makes it all better. You didn’t mean to make them cry on purpose, so it’s fine! God if you’d only said I’d-“

“Fuck off Y/n you’re not being fair, cut the sarcasm.”

“I’m not being fair?!? Because I’m the bad person in this situation, right? I just saved you from a very, very bad headline tomorrow morning because you were too busy giving me the silent treatment.”

“Yeah, well, your the one who doesn’t seem to give a damn about me!”

You scoffed hard at his words, air trapped in your throat that now felt completely stuck. How could he say that? How could he even think that?

As much as you hated showing it, you felt your eyes well up with tears. Because who the fuck did he think he was.

“Now that, that is so unfair. You know exactly my history and why I don’t want to move in yet AND you know just how much I fucking love you. So don’t you dare.”

“You're not convincing anyone.” He spoke quieter, but the venom behind his tone was still there. As the first tear escaped over your bottom lashes, you knocked on the partition to the driver and asked him, in no uncertain terms, to pull over.

“Congrats Tom. That’s three women you’ve broken the hearts of in 20 minutes. Must be some sort of a record.”

And with that you slammed the door shut, abandoned on the side of the road somewhere within Heathrow.

?a part 2? idk where id go from here aha

tagging: @lovehollandy12 @hollandlover19 @thefernandasantana @hunnybunimdun @hallecarey1@cedricdiggorysimpp @msmimimerton @hollandfanficlove @pandaxnienke @crossyourpeter @thegirlwiththeimpala

[erythrum]

𝑪𝒉𝒂𝒏𝒄𝒆 𝑬𝒏𝒄𝒐𝒖𝒏𝒕𝒆𝒓

𝙋𝙖𝙞𝙧𝙞𝙣𝙜: 𝘙𝘢𝘧𝘦 𝘊𝘢𝘮𝘦𝘳𝘰𝘯 𝘹 𝘱𝘰𝘨𝘶𝘦!𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘥𝘦𝘳 | 𝘑𝘑 𝘔𝘢𝘺𝘣𝘢𝘯𝘬 𝘹 𝘱𝘰𝘨𝘶𝘦!𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘥𝘦𝘳

𝙒𝙖𝙧𝙣𝙞𝙣𝙜: 𝘴𝘰𝘮𝘦 𝘴𝘦𝘢𝘴𝘰𝘯 𝘵𝘸𝘰 𝘴𝘱𝘰𝘪𝘭𝘦𝘳𝘴 𝘬𝘪𝘯𝘥𝘢,𝘯𝘦𝘢𝘳 𝘥𝘦𝘢𝘵𝘩 𝘦𝘹𝘱𝘦𝘳𝘪𝘦𝘯𝘤𝘦,𝘥𝘢𝘯𝘨𝘦𝘳𝘰𝘶𝘴 𝘴𝘪𝘵𝘶𝘢𝘵𝘪𝘰𝘯𝘴,𝘴𝘸𝘦𝘢𝘳𝘪𝘯𝘨,𝘴𝘰𝘮𝘦 𝘱𝘰𝘴𝘴𝘪𝘣𝘭𝘦 𝘢𝘯𝘨𝘴𝘵,𝘴𝘮𝘶𝘵𝘵𝘺 𝘴𝘮𝘶𝘵,𝘷𝘪𝘰𝘭𝘦𝘯𝘤𝘦,𝘮𝘦𝘯𝘵𝘪𝘰𝘯𝘴 𝘰𝘧 𝘫𝘪𝘢𝘳𝘢,𝘳𝘢𝘧𝘦𝘴 𝘯𝘰𝘵 𝘢 𝘮𝘶𝘳𝘥𝘦𝘳𝘦𝘳 𝘣𝘶𝘵 𝘣𝘰𝘺 𝘪𝘧 𝘩𝘦 𝘩𝘢𝘥 𝘢 𝘨𝘶𝘯 𝘰𝘯 𝘩𝘪𝘮 (𝙨𝙢𝙪𝙩 𝙬𝙖𝙧𝙣𝙞𝙣𝙜𝙨: 𝘧𝘪𝘯𝘨𝘦𝘳𝘪𝘯𝘨,𝘰𝘳𝘢𝘭 𝘮𝘢𝘭𝘦&𝘧𝘦𝘮𝘢𝘭𝘦 𝘳𝘦𝘤𝘪𝘦𝘷𝘪𝘯𝘨,𝘷𝘢𝘨𝘪𝘯𝘢𝘭 𝘴𝘦𝘹,𝘣𝘳𝘦𝘦𝘥𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘬𝘪𝘯𝘬)

𝙖/𝙣: 𝘳𝘦𝘲𝘶𝘦𝘴𝘵𝘦𝘥 𝘣𝘺 @outcrbcnks ,𝘤𝘩𝘢𝘯𝘨𝘦𝘥 𝘴𝘭𝘪𝘨𝘩𝘵𝘭𝘺 𝘵𝘰 𝘮𝘢𝘬𝘦 𝘢 𝘣𝘪𝘵 𝘮𝘰𝘳𝘦 𝘴𝘦𝘯𝘴𝘦 𝘐 𝘩𝘰𝘱𝘦 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘥𝘰𝘯𝘵 𝘮𝘪𝘯𝘥 :)

𝙒𝙤𝙧𝙙 𝙘𝙤𝙪𝙣𝙩: 5.3𝘬+,𝘣𝘶𝘤𝘬𝘭𝘦 𝘶𝘱 𝘪𝘵𝘴 𝘨𝘰𝘯𝘯𝘢 𝘣𝘦 𝘢 𝘭𝘰𝘯𝘨 𝘰𝘯𝘦

𝙎𝙪𝙢𝙢𝙖𝙧𝙮: 𝘢𝘧𝘵𝘦𝘳 𝘙𝘢𝘧𝘦 𝘴𝘢𝘷𝘦𝘴 𝘺/𝘯, 𝘪𝘵 𝘸𝘢𝘴 𝘢𝘭𝘭 𝘩𝘦 𝘤𝘰𝘶𝘭𝘥 𝘥𝘰 𝘵𝘰 𝘯𝘰𝘵 𝘭𝘦𝘵 𝘩𝘦𝘳 𝘨𝘰

✵ ✵ ✵ ✵ ✵ ✵ ✵ ✵ ✵ ✵ ✵ ✵ ✵ ✵ ✵ ✵ ✵ ✵ ✵ ✵ ✵

Find the gun, find the gun y/n. It was all I could do to keep me calm down in the sewer, the disgusting sewage the covered my body in a thin layer made me nauseated. Kiara was ahead of me leading the way down the tunnel. The light of the drain was coming in to view. Almost there.

"Kie, I think I might throw up," the smell was making me gag.

"God this is fucking awful, why did we let them convince us to do this?”

“If you remember correctly, we are trying to find a damn murder weapon,” I might have said that a bit too demeaningly, but to be fair, I couldn’t ignore the way my boyfriend looked at her. The hardest part was pretending like I didn’t know what was going on.

“Whatever, let's just find this damn thing and get out of here,” Kiara said.

We eventually found our way to where the sewer met the storm drain on the street above. Searching felt like a waste of time, I don’t know why I thought it was a good idea to get involved in this bullshit, but I guess dating JJ came with its ‘perks’. Which happened to include searching for a fucking murder weapon at the bottom of a sewer.

I dragged my hands as deep as I could under the nasty water, trying my hardest to keep my head above water.

“People are so shitty,” Kiara said, disgusted by the trash that easily could’ve been recycled sitting at the bottom of the basin.

“Guys! I think I found something,” she held up something that was definitely not a gun, something dead. It elicited a yelp from her throat, definitely not good.

“Is it Gavin? Is it a body?” The sound of JJ emanated through the drain. That was when I heard the water coming.

“Kie, somethings wrong,” she was so caught up on the poor animal she failed to notice the water beginning to flood in.

“Oh shit!” She was starting to panic. Not good not good not good.

“Guys get out of there!” The voices of JJ and Pope slowly being drowned out by the rising water.

Kiara began climbing up the ladder leading to the drain on the street. Adrenaline was coursing through my body as I climbed behind her, the water closing in on me.

“Push Kie!”

“I am y/n, it's too heavy,” the drain was our only escape now. The water was at my chest, inching closer and closer to my neck. The adrenaline made my body act on instinct, but I also couldn’t keep myself calm. It felt like my body was numb as I tried to pull myself up the ladder, closer to Kiara.

I couldn’t keep my head above water now as it rose up above my head. I took the largest breath I’ve ever taken in my life and prayed that JJ and Pope would come lift the drain. Struggling for air was the worst experience I’d ever felt, I couldn’t hold it any longer. The water filled my lungs, it went black after that.

The boys were pulling as hard as they could on the drain. The combined strength of the two alone just wasn’t enough. But someone else had heard the screams of the two girls and came barreling down the street to help.

Pope had a look of horror on his face as Rafe Cameron himself began pulling on the drain as well. The three of them together much more easily pulling the manhole off and onto the street. Water came flooding out as JJ pulled Kiara out, she was sputtering the disgusting muck out of her lungs, begging for air.

“Kie, Kie! Are you alright?” JJ asked.

“She’s still down there,” she struggled to get out, still filling her lungs with clean air.

Rafe was in panic mode, he nearly dove into the water, reaching his torso as far down as he could. He had to find her. He had too. Rafe's head below the water and into the drain, reaching out for her. After what felt like hours, he felt something, grasping on with all his strength and pulling her body out of the sewer.

"Fuck, Pope! She's not breathing, Pope, I swear to god you better know CPR," Kiara was screaming, still in the arms of JJ.

Rafe began pumping his fists down on her sternum in a steady rhythm. All hell broke loose when he plugged are nose and connected his mouth to hers, blowing air into her water filled lungs.

"What the fuck are you doing!" JJ viciously pulled Rafe from her body, throwing him back onto the concrete.

"Saving her fucking life asshole," Rafe pulled himself back up, rushing back over her and continuing to do what her boyfriend could not. He pushed another breath into her lungs, pleading with himself that she would survive.

That was when y/n began coughing up the sludge lodged in her lungs. She was nearly throwing up her lungs as Rafe stared at her, a look of relief washed over his face. He was the first thing she saw when she came to. Then she saw JJ, clinging onto Kiara in a way she'd always knew would happen.

"Y/n! Fuck I'm glad you're oka-," JJ tried reaching out for her.

"Get the fuck off of me JJ," y/n pushed him back, disgusted yet not surprised by his actions. She had just been brought back from the dead and it felt like he didn't even care. The one person who did care was supposed to be her mortal enemy. A million thoughts were trying to process in her head all at once. Having no idea what to do, she picked herself up and began walking as fast as she could away from the group. On her heels was that same kook, the one she hated, the one she couldn't keep off her mind, the one who ruined her life, the one who saved her.

Y/n only made it 30 feet before hunching over and resting her hands on her knees as she heaved onto the sidewalk. Rafe had chased after her, now pulling the drenched hair from around her face. Once she had emptied her lungs of the filth, she only had one thing to say.

“Get the fuck away from me Rafe,” she said, still hunched over. He stood in shock, not knowing what to do next.

"At least let me take you home, for the love of God I literally just pulled you out of a sewer." She hesitated for awhile, finally recognized the car she had been throwing up next too. It was Rafe's truck.

The truck was filled with nothing but silence as they drove, y/n ignoring every word Rafe said. They had been driving in a giant circle around the island with no destination for hours. Finally Rafe pulled over on the side of the road, hazard lights on.

"Listen, y/n, we can't stay in the car all night, and it seems to me like you don't want to go home, I can take you back to Tannyhill, you can take a shower and get cleaned up, we have a guest room, stay the night if you'd like," Rafe said, hoping she would say yes. Y/n let out a deep sigh before speaking.

"Fine," it was all she could muster up. Her heart was hurting. Y/n had come to the realization that her boyfriend instinctually went for Kiara, and that she would always be his second choice. She never wanted to be a second choice, she wanted to be the only choice.

His house was enormous, probably bigger than any she had seen on figure eight. Rafe hopped out of the truck, racing over to the passenger side door to let her out. He led her into the massive home, before arriving at the guest room.

"There's a bathroom through that door, I'll bring you some clothes to wear," he said. She barely let him finish before bolting towards the bathroom door, locking herself in. She laid her back against the door, wondering how in the world she ended up here. It took a moment to take in the beauty a bathroom could hold. She'd never seen anything like it. Marble floors and brilliant gold detailed fixtures. It was easily the nicest thing she had ever seen. Finally, she reached her hand to the shower faucet, turning on a beautiful cascade of water. There was nobody in the world she believed needed something so fancy. Y/n stripped out of her muck caked clothing, tossing it onto those beautiful floors. Stepping into the waterfall was exactly what she needed.

Meanwhile, Rafe ran upstairs, grabbing whatever he could out of Sarah's closet. He ran over and over again in his head what to do next as he raced back down to the guest room. Leave the clothes next to the door? Wait for her to come out of the shower? Before he had a chance to decide, y/n came out of the bathroom, a towel wrapped around her body. Rafe had a look of shock in his eyes, he never thought he'd see the girl he couldn't keep off his mind here, in his home.

Rafe stuck his arm out, holding the clothes just in front of her. She looked Rafe up and down before gently reaching out for the clothing.

"Thanks," that was all she said before turning around and locking herself in the bathroom again. Y/n struggled to hold her tears in, knowing what she would have to face in the morning. It wasn't an easy decision, but it needed to be done.

It was possibly the best sleep she had ever gotten. The satin pillowcases soft against her cheeks as she slept, the warm comforter encasing her. No interruptions or pogues banging on her bedroom door for her to wake up. Just peaceful sleep.

Y/n laid awake in the bed, sunrise creeping through the curtains, dreading the next few hours. She left the massive home as soon as possible, sneaking out at daybreak, making the nearly hour long walk back to the cut.

Rafe found no trace of her left behind, everything was in its place just as it had been before y/n occupied the room. She couldn't have gotten far.

He caught up to her in his truck, she had only made it maybe a quarter of the way to her destination. Wearing Sarah's clothes he had lent her, she fit right into the neighborhood. She kept her head held high and determined to ignore him.

"Y/n, what the hell are you doing?"

"Fuck off Rafe," she shoved her middle finger towards his window as he drove along side her.

"So I save your life, let you sleep at my house, lend you Sarah's clothes, and now I can't offer you a ride?"

"Correct, I don't need your help, the only thing I know you to be good for is hookups and rebounds," she said rather matter of factly. He couldn’t lie to himself, hearing her say that made his heart hurt a little bit.

“Whatever, there's a party at Topper’s tomorrow night if you’re interested, but I’ll go ahead and guess your answer is a no,”

Y/n stopped in her tracks, causing Rafe to slam down on his breaks. She finally turned to look at him, a smile growing on her face.

“You’re absolutely whipped.”

Rafe hesitated before driving off, this girl left his head spinning in circles.

Once she reached the cut, y/n made a B-line for the chateau. Finding the rest of the pogues wasn’t hard, they were usually out back up to whatever shenanigans they had planned. JJ especially came up with bad ideas, somehow convincing the rest of the group that they would work. Y/n rested her body against a doorway, finally making eye contact with JJ, then nodding her head back gesturing for him to follow.

They creeped back towards the front of the shack, still trashed from the hurricane.

“Jesus, where were you y/n? I was worried sick that fucking kook hurt you,” JJ hugged her, squeezing as tight as he could. When she didn’t return the enthusiasm, he knew something was wrong.

“What’s going on?” He questioned.

“Listen JJ, this, us, it’s not going to work,”

“What the hell are you tal-,”

“Don’t pretend you don’t know what I’m talking about JJ, I've seen the way you’ve looked at her for months, you’re always going to choose Kiara over me, always. I am not a second choice. I know what I saw.”

“Did that kook get into your head or something?” She was sure the others could hear them now.

“It’s not about that JJ, I was fucking drowning and you didn’t even try to help me, I’d probably be dead right now if it wasn’t for him!”

“Oh so it is about him huh? Did you have fun last night curled up in figure eight? Wait wait, I see, he didn’t get into your head, he got into your pants instead didn’t he?” Y/n didn’t know how else to react, slapping him square across his face.

“Don’t you dare, fucking accuse me of that, or I swear to God JJ,” she could barely hold back the anger boiling her blood right now.

“Its over. Done. Have a nice life.” Y/n ran as fast as she could out of the chateau, tears pooling in her eyes, looking for any escape.

The next 36 hours were a daze, and before y/n knew it, she was getting ready for a kook party. What does a girl even wear to a kook party? A nice sundress? Little black skirt and a crop top? How fancy is this supposed to be? In the end she decided to wear a sleek black dress, knowing she would stick out like a sore thumb, regardless of what she wore. Being likely the only pogue in the middle of hundreds of kook's, it wouldn't matter.

Meanwhile, Rafe was already at Topper's house, making preparations for the oncoming chaos.

"Boys, if you see a little y/h/c pogue try to walk in here, let her in," Rafe said, handing each a $100 bill. The two door boys nodded their heads in understanding.

The easiest part was over, now y/n just had to get there. She didn't even know where Topper lived, well, figure eight obviously, but where? Actually, that's a stupid question, just follow all the BMW's and audi's driven by reckless teenagers.

Y/n knew something was off when the two kids stationed at the door let her through without question. Fucking Rafe. He was surely already here, and she was questioning what in the world led her to make the decision to come here tonight.

Rafe found her in the kitchen, downing shots of tequila.

"Didn't expect to see you here y/n," he slid next to her, pouring himself a shot as well.

"Didn't think I'd be here either, I have much better things I could be doing right now," she snickered back.

"So how'd it go when you got back to the cut?" Rafe asked, knowing something had changed.

"Well, I dumped JJ, so I am officially a free woman," she said, downing her next shot.

"And you're taking it well, obviously," he laughed, smiling as he watched her take the shot with ease. In true y/n fashion, she flipped him off before grabbing the bottle of tequila and disappearing into the house. He watched the way her dress clung to her hips as she moved, now more than ever aware of the ache he felt.

Only fifteen minutes had passed before Rafe went looking for her. Searching through crowds and empty rooms, finally finding a door on the second floor that was cracked open. Not locked out, but not to be unfound. He poked his head through the door, not seeing much at first, until his eyes landed on an open window. The cool breeze of the ocean drifted into the room. He climbed through the window and out onto a small section of the roof overlooking the backyard.

As soon as she saw him, she knew there was no escape.

“Ugh,” y/n rolled her eyes, taking another drink from the bottle she had smuggled.

“Excited to see me?” Rafe said as he settled onto the roof.

"How did you guess?"

"Just the fact that you even showed up, your actions speak for themselves," he said rather confidently.

"Do they now? Because it seems to me like you're the one who is stalking me," she let out a giggle.

"Well, I still need Sarah's clothes back,"

Y/n shoved his shoulder, the both of them laughing as she did.

"Mhm, I don't know, I think I look pretty good dressed in kook," y/n passed him the bottle now, he accepted her offer. He had to think long and hard about what to say next, his heart beating relentlessly in his chest.

"More than pretty good," there was a silence between the two, both reading into what he said.

"Y'know, I don't even know who I am anymore."

"And by that you mean?" Rafe asked.

"On this island, it's always kooks or pogues, no in-between, and I thought I was a pogue for the longest time, but I never quite, I don't know, fit in? It sounds fucking stupid, forget it."

"No no, it's not, I feel like we're actually having a conversation, not just bickering at each other, and it's, it's nice," his voice was becoming shaky now. She took a deep breath before continuing.

"I think I'm just in a rut, I don't know what I'm supposed to do with myself. All I ever did was for JJ, I gave him everything,” he understood the magnitude of what she had given him.

“And now that we've broken up, I have this new freedom that I don't know what to do with, it was the first relationship I'd ever been in, and at this point I don't even remember how to be single. I hate to say it, but I feel like he took everything I gave him for granted."

Rafe smirked at his thoughts, knowing exactly what she needed.

"Oh what's so funny?” She said.

“You desperately need a rebound.”

“I do not!”

“You do, and I know the perfect guy for the job.”

“And who would that be exactly?” Their witty banter had turned to flirtation, and they were now physically closer than ever. Rafe had his hand cupping the side of her head, fingers tangled in her hair, leaning in closer to her. Her breathing has quickened as his face came closer to hers, knowing what he was insinuating.

The connection of their lips sent shockwaves through her body. It was the first thing in a long time that felt like it made sense. They disconnected for a moment, staring longingly into each others eyes for permission. A sense of understanding overcame them as their lips smashed together once again. Rafe's hand moved lower down to her neck, tracing his thumb to the other side and giving a light squeeze.

"Rafe I, don't get me wrong, I want this, but I don't think it's a good idea right now."

"You're right," he whispered as a whirring noise approached in the distance.

It was maybe thirty minutes past 11, the sound of an approaching boat caught their attention. They both looked at the boat coming to dock on the Thornton's boat dock. Rafe and y/n climbed back into the home, recognizing the boat pulling up to the dock. Rafe raced out the back door, y/n steps ahead of him as anger and adrenaline rushed through her body. She ran down the dock, ready to fight the boy hopping off of the boat.

"JJ, please explain to me why the fuck you are here right now, and it better be a good reason or I swea-,"

"Y/n please, I just need to talk to you okay? I've been thinking about the other day and I just needed to-,"

"Not good enough JJ, you had your fucking chance, got it? I never want to see you again," she had tears of anger streaming down her face, that was when Rafe lodged himself between the argument.

"You heard her pogue," Rafe said threateningly.

"What are you gonna do about it huh?" JJ pushed his hands against Rafe, knocking him back only slightly, Rafe stood solid.

"What am I gonna do?" Rafe shoved him back with all his strength, knocking JJ onto his back.

"I'm only going to say this one time for you," Rafe crouched down, grabbing fistfuls of JJ's shirt.

"Stay," he landed to first punch.

"The fuck," and the second.

"Away from her," finally the third, then forcing him back onto the ground in a sheer competition of dominance. Crowds had gathered around the commotion, watching the kook and pogue battle it out. Y/n felt a sense of relief, someone had finally chosen her.

"You already fucked her didn't you?" JJ struggled to spit out, coughing on the blood lodged in his mouth. Rafe promptly pulled JJ up by his shirt, making sure to look right into his eyes as he made his next threat.

"Stay off figure eight, or so help me God JJ, I will kill you." Rafe tossed the boy back onto the ground, watching as he struggled to pull himself back to his boat.

"Show's over everyone! Get out!" Rafe said, the crowd watching dispersed over fences and into cars, not wanting to face the same fate.

She was the only one who didn't leave. Y/n watched as he came closer to her, pulling her into an embrace.

"I'm sorry y/n, that asshole deserved it,"

"Thank you," her tears were staining his polo as they held each other.

"Also, neither of us are in any shape to drive, so what's the plan?" She asked.

They made the short walk back to Tannyhill, ending up in the same rooms they had been in the day everything changed. When morning came she stayed in her bed, enjoying the comfort she felt in this home. The sudden knock on her door awoke her from her daze.

"Hey, I uh, brought breakfast," Rafe said, holding up the bag of breakfast burritos. Y/n patted the empty place on her bed, inviting him to sit down. They sat and ate in silence, unsure of what to say to one another. Once finished, she ended up snuggling her head into the crook of his neck, arm tossed across his abdomen. Rafe wrapped his arm around her and they stayed there for awhile, simply enjoying each others presence.

Rafe placed a gentle kiss on her forehead, rubbing his thumb across her shoulder at the same time. Y/n looked up at him from her spot on his chest, moving herself up so their lips connected. The kiss was just as good as she had remembered. Rafe began deepening their kiss, pulling her in by the waist with his free hand.

I had woken up. For the first time in a long time I felt it. How it felt to be the only choice for someone, to be at the top of someone's priorities. Feeling his hand pull my waist into his sent lightning through my body, and I've never wanted anything more in my life than right now. I threw my right leg over his hips, anticipating to climb on top of him. I brought my hand up to the back of his head, threading my fingers through his hair.

"Think it's a good idea?" Rafe asked.

I simply nodded my head in response, bringing my mouth back to his. His hands began tracing further down my body, grabbing at my hips as he pulled me in closer. I got the message. I threw myself over him, sitting perfectly in his lap, hair hanging almost in his face. We reconnected and the speed at which we kissed quickened. My arms had snaked behind his neck, my entire body resting on his, legs straddled across his lap.

He was surprised when I removed my mouth from his, only to begin trailing kisses down his neck, towards the collar of his polo. He sat up, leaving room for him to pull his shirt up and over his head. I pushed him back down into the bed as I trailed lower and lower. Reaching the spot I needed most, I unbuttoned his pants, pulling them as far down as I could. He was already hard, clearly anticipating this when he walked into the room an hour ago.

I began leaving kisses down his clothed dick, teasing the throb. But I myself was too in-need to tease for long. I pulled his boxers down, revealing the eager member. Wrapping my hand around him, I pumped it a few times, leaving light kisses all around him. The taste of him spread in my mouth as I took him in. His hands pulled my hair back as I sucked on him, the pace of his breathing becoming more of a pant. One of my hands grasped onto his hips as the other pumped him in sync with my lips.

A shock ran through my body as he flipped me over on the bed. Rafe nearly ripped my shirt in half when pulling it over my head. He sat over me for a moment, taking in the sight of me like he'd been waiting to for so long. Just after, his hands came to either side of my head, propping himself up as he began kissing down my neck, surely leaving bruises. Moving lower to my breasts, he continued, tugging and pulling at the straps of my bra. He was now resting his entire body on me, his elbows at my sides as he started massaging my breasts through the fabric.

"You can take it off, you know," I said.

That was all he needed to hook his hand underneath me, tugging at the clip holding me together. Rafe popped it off with ease, not that I was surprised. His mouth attached itself to one of my nipples, teasing it with his tongue. The cool air hitting the wet spot he left behind causing me to gasp. Meanwhile, he had been rolling the other between his fingers, sending arousal between my thighs. The sensitivity rolling between my hips was begging for more.

Rafe's hands began trailing lower down my body, his mouth not far behind. The ache in my core was growing more and more with every inch he passed, until finally I felt a finger graze over my shorts.

"These need to come off," it was more of a question than a statement.

I nodded, because I needed more. He slid the shorts off of my legs, tossing them onto the ground, leaving my panties on full display for him. Then his mouth moved to my thighs, starting closer to my knees, slowly moving in towards my center. I could feel every breath he made against me, and knew he was just as in-need as I was. It felt like ages before he finally made contact with my core. His lips left kisses over my clothed clit, at this point I was begging for more.

He knew too, knew how much I needed him right now. The wetness soaking through my underwear as he played with me through them, thumb massaging little circles around my clit. My legs shuddered as he did, needing to desperately to be released. His fingers latched underneath the waistline of the fabric, and he pulled them all the way down my legs, exposing every inch of myself, and discarding them on the floor.

I was absolutely soaked, and he had barely even touched me. I could barely imagine what I’d be like once he had. When his fingers finally returned, I was a mess. He was eager too, not even waiting because I was already ready for him. His middle and ring finger teased my entrance, before plunging deep into me. The gasp that came out of my mouth was the loudest I’d ever had, causing my hand to close over my mouth in response. But Rafe didn't care how loud we got as his mouth came down to me, his tongue flicking at my clit, fingers beginning to thrust in and out.

My hips were rolling, legs shaking as the combination of his mouth and fingers pushed me closer and closer to the edge. Whimpers came out as his free hand was grasping onto my stomach, thumb tracing circles below my navel. I tugged at the sheets around me, needing some sort of grounding as he continued fucking me with his fingers. My pussy was aching for more, begging for something bigger to ease the ache.

"Rafe, I need you inside, like right now," I struggled to get the words out. But he wouldn't let up, he was determined. His fingers were moving faster and faster and his mouth was lapping at the wetness of my pussy. I couldn't take it anymore, and my legs closed around his head, squeezing as I came.

I barely had time to recover before Rafe was on top of me, lining his cock up with my entrance, then pushing himself all the way into me. My walls clenched around him as I tried to adjust to his length, but he wasn't waiting. Slowly he began thrusting in and out, plunging himself deeper each time. He reached down to kiss me as he pounded me, hand wrapping around my neck and squeezing.

"Fuck," I squeaked out.

It only got better when he threw my legs over his shoulders, they were nearly at my chest. He pounded into me at a hard but steady pace, and it was driving me to the edge once again. The whimpers coming from me were more than enough to tell him to keep going.

"You like that princess?"

"God, yes Rafe, harder," I pleaded.

He listened, but it was taking a toll on him, his breathing was now broken and unsteady as he thrusted. I could feel his body beginning to tense up on top of me, he was getting close. It was my turn now.

I used all of my strength to flip him onto his back, my legs on either side of him as I began riding him. Rafe's hands came around to my ass as I repeatedly moved up and down on him. Then I laid down on him, arms behind his neck for support as his arms held onto my waist tightly. Rafe propped his legs up for support and began thrusting into me harder than he ever has. The feeling of my walls clenching around him as he pumped into me, using me as a toy.

"Cum in me Rafe, please," but it wasn't a question. I nearly screamed as he released inside of me at the same time I came. We stayed that way for a few moments, simply taking one another in as our breathing steadied.

Finally, I slid off of him, releasing the tension of him inside of me. I could feel his cum leaking out of me as I laid on top of him. I could go to sleep right here if I wanted to. His hand laced into my hair, playing with the ends of it.

"I still need Sarah's clothes back," he laughed.

"Don't think so, consider it the start of my kook wardrobe,"

"To going full kook?" he asked.

"To going full kook."

✵ ✵ ✵ ✵ ✵ ✵ ✵ ✵ ✵ ✵ ✵ ✵ ✵ ✵ ✵ ✵ ✵ ✵ ✵ ✵ ✵

[apompkwrites]

reader impact || fan service scene: resting with you

series masterlist characters: diluc, xiao, zhongli genre: fluff summary: the creators of genshin impact have graciously gifted the players with a fan service scene featuring you! notes: i know dill's doesn't contain sleeping in your lap,,, i'm sorry but i hope you like what i provided :))

diluc -

diluc isn't one to have many sleep issues.

until the nightmares kick in.

whenever he can't sleep, he tends to just sit in his house.

it's always quiet.

not something you'd want after a nightmare, but he deals with it.

it's better than trying to expose himself to thousands or even millions of people.

but one night, after a particularly harsh nightmare, he remembers that the next day was supposed to be when he streams the newest genshin update.

but, he's already up...

and...

he probably will try to take a nap later today anyway...

soooo.

"i know it's a bit of an early, or late, stream but i was already awake."

his stream is definitely worried because this is the first time he streams at like 2:00 am.

he won't address it, though.

they don't need to know, anyway.

he pretty much tries to ignore any questions about his sleeping habits and opts to answer them very vaguely.

he is excited to play the update because he knows there's some more (name) content :))

he'll get everything done that he needs to do like commissions and events from them nice nice primogems.

and then here he is, ready to start the newest feature.

go to the angel's share.

ah yes, the place his character officially met you for the first time.

(he definitely has issues with interacting with patton before going inside)

the quest basically has diluc go around to collect more things needed for the winery.

pretty simple quest.

canonically, the quest takes the mc a few hours to complete because the materials are everywhere.

so a cutscene plays when he gets back to the dawn winery, which is where charles told him to bring the materials.

he walks inside and there you are.

greeting him with a brief nod and a wave of your hand.

mc drops the items on the table, ready to turn around and leave for another commission.

until you call out to him.

"ah, traveler."

mc turns back around and walks back to stand next to you.

you stand up from your chair and place a hand on their shoulder.

you stare at them for a moment.

"...i apologize. you must have been traveling for a long while to get the materials."

mc tries to wave you off.

"no, no. you'll hurt yourself. hm... come with me."

you literally CARRY MC TO A SPARE ROOM.

EXCUSE ME YOU CAN'T JUST DO THAT SO CASUALLY?!?!?!

anyway, you pull up a chair next to the bed before placing the mc on the bed.

you simply sit in the chair, quietly stroking your thumb along the mc's arm.

"take a break. i'm sure the adventurer's guild will do just fine for now."

diluc is trying his hardest to hold back tears.

he just... really needed this.

xiao -

it's widely known amongst xiao's community that he has insomnia.

he talks about it a lot on how he has trouble sleeping and he even streams on the nights where it gets so bad he doesn't like being alone with his thoughts.

such is the case here where a new update drops and he's up and ready to play.

he greets everyone briefly as they enter the stream, rubbing his eyes and letting out small yawns every once in a while.

they always know when it's an especially hard night for him, so they come prepared with (name) emotes to try and cheer him up.

they don't have the heart to spoil him about the new update and what it includes.

of course, there will always be that one person who tries to spoil something.

the chat sees that and just spams (name) emotes to hide it.

and since xiao is pretty sleep deprived at this point, he doesn't notice.

now he's ready to actually play.

he'll complete his daily commissions and anything else he needs to get done before checking out the newest features.

he does know that there's a part in the update that features you :0

he doesn't know what the actual update is but he just knows that he'll be able to see you again :))

so he's going through the update, right?

just admiring you even if he's half asleep.

and here comes the part that actually almost put him to sleep right there.

his mc and you are walking down the streets of liyue and it's all dark.

there's a few lights here and there.

you two are walking down to the inn he had first met you at.

passing by the boss lady at the front counter.

walking up the stairs.

and there you two are, on the very balcony he ad first seen you on.

"...you seem tired."

his character doesn't say anything (as expected) but just rubs their eyes and nods.

pain is floating beside you two before going off towards the kitchen downstairs.

now it's just you two.

"you should take a rest."

your voice was so soft :))

you look around the balcony before sighing, taking a seat on the ground.

his character stares at you for a bit before you pat your legs.

"i told you to rest, didn't i?"

?!?!?!?!

YOU'RE TELLING HIM

TO LAY DOWN

ON YOUR LAP????

ASJHAKDHAK

ahem.

anyway.

his character takes a bit before finally letting their head rest in your lap.

he's thanking whoever animated this part because it's a POV shot from the mc.

he's just staring up at you.

you're looking down at him with the softest expression he's ever seen.

"...rest now. i won't let anything harm you."

his chat is freaking out.

he's almost asleep at this point.

life is good.

zhongli -

zhongli doesn't have a lot of sleep issues either...

if he did, he'd probably just drink some tea and try to sleep again.

he isn't the type of stream late at night/early in the morning.

because of this, he plays the newest update for genshin at his scheduled time.

some people who watch him are going to bed though, so it's late at night/early in the morning for them :)

he knows this and tries to tell his viewers to get proper rest.

"it isn't good for you to stay up so late."

he really cares about them :))

he's happy to talk to them though.

(he definitely knows people like his voice so he's happy to help them sleep by talking to them)

his daily objectives take longer considering he's taking the time to read to his viewers.

of course, all of the things he's reading are genshin based.

more specifically you, but they don't mind.

anyway, he FINALLY gets his stuff done.

now he's finally ready to start the new (name) quest.

he's like... one or two hours into the stream already.

but he doesn't mind longer stream, especially when it concerns you.

go to third round knockout

ah yes, the little restaurant you go to for stories about yourself.

and, of course, there you are sitting at your usual chair and drinking tea.

you invite him over to sit down, which causes another cutscene to play, talking more about your adventures as a god/dess.

and, to zhongli's delight, the quest fully begins.

the quest follows you and mc going around lie, exploring different areas while you talk about what you've done there in the years you've been alive.

it's a more chill quest that features lore and character building :))

and then you get to a more secluded spot in lieu.

just the two of you.

the sun has already set and the stars are shining down on the two of you.

zhongli isn't saying anything, reveling in the silence as if he were actually there, standing next to you.

and then your character takes a seat in the grass.

and mc follows suit, sitting beside you.

it isn't long before zhongli's character begins to drift off to sleep.

and that's when it happens.

you reach over and pull mc into your lap, your storytelling continuing as if nothing happened.

"this may be awkward, but i noticed you were falling asleep. go on ahead. i'll be happy to share my stories to help you rest."

zhongli, once again, isn't saying anything. he simply lets the cutscene play.

you're still recalling tales of your past, calmly telling them to whoever was listening.

it's calm and quiet.

and zhongli now knows why people love hearing him tell stories as they sleep.

because he is definitely getting that same sensation hearing you recall your past.

[lacheri]

Hello Cherry I have a request! Eren always teasing and being a little mean to the reader so she decides to give him a taste of his own medicine (so sorta like a sub! eren x brat tamer! reader) okay that is all ilysm bye bye

hi Kat!! you send me the best prompts 🤤 I hope you enjoy thank you for requesting ily!!!

too much

pairing: sub/brat!Eren x brat tamer!fem bodied reader

content: Eren’s an asshole, established relationship, ruined orgasms, oral (f and m receiving), humiliation/degradation kink, minors DNI.

wc: 3.5k

notes: this is unedited I literally just wrote this up as fast as I could bc this ask drove me WILD

Your fists were clenched at your sides, fingernails digging crescents on the inside of your palms, knuckles white. You were stomping through your shared living room with your boyfriend, curses and swears leaving your lips. Eren had managed to piss you completely off, feelings of humiliation and frustration fueling the fire coursing through your veins.

It all started earlier this morning, waking up next to your sleepy boyfriend, kissing his cheek sweetly. Your half naked bodies wrapped together in a cocoon of blankets, hair messy and eyelids heavy. Usually, Eren would stir awake and return your kisses with enthusiasm, but he had cracked a single eye open this morning, frowned and grumbled, and pushed you off of him. You had pouted, feeling rejected, and immediately flung yourself out of the bed to get ready for the day. When Eren had finally woken up, joining you in your shared bathroom as you brushed your teeth, he made no effort to console you. He saw the wrinkles on your forehead as your eyebrows furrowed together, a tell all sign for what you were feeling. He simply brushed past you, grabbing his own toothbrush and standing right beside you as if he hadn’t been so recklessly ignorant of you.

When the two of you had spit and gargled mouthwash, he cleared his throat, a hint of a smirk playing at his lips, “What’s your deal?”

Your eyes flickered to him for a brief second, and you rolled your eyes and stomped off back to your bedroom to get dressed. Fuck him, if he wanted to start the day off so sour, he was going to get the same attitude back.

Eren followed behind you, smirk still growing, “You’re mad I pushed you away this morning, aren’t you?”

“So you did it on purpose?” you couldn’t hide the hurt in your voice, back facing him as you searched through your closet. You really had intended to ignore Eren for a while, letting him stew in your cold shoulder treatment, but he always knew how to crawl under your skin and get a rise out of you.

“Just wanted to see how you’d react,” he teased, coming directly behind you to rest his chin on your shoulder, arms crossed on his bare chest. “I was right.”

Fury licked flames up your throat and you stepped forward, throwing your boyfriend off balance. You didn’t want to play whatever game he was trying to set up, you had things to do today besides bend to Eren’s will. Hearing his response, it drove motivation into the pits of your mind that Eren was not going to get a reaction out of you anymore today.

However, he had other plans.

Today has been your day off from work and school, as well as Eren’s day off. The plan was to straighten up the house, invite your friends over in the evening and order pizza. Nothing too crazy or over the top, just a nice relaxing day.

Things didn’t quite work out that way. After the two of you had gotten dressed and made breakfast, every single time you tried to clean an object, Eren would somehow get in the way. He pulled books of the bookcase and left them on the floor or any surface he could find, managed somehow to fill the sink with dirty dishes, not rinsing them off to put in the dishwasher, and found every article of clothing between the two of you to toss on the bedroom floor. The hour long cleaning session had turned into the entire day, long enough that you had to text your friends that tonight wasn’t going to work out.

Because every time you made progress in your small home, Eren would find another thing that got added to the list. As much as it infuriated you, mostly because Eren was supposed to be helping you, you couldn’t let it phase you. No, you knew he was trying to piss you off. You weren’t going to crack under his pressure, not give him the satisfaction of seeing you wound up and upset.

The last straw had snapped when he walked into the living room, seeing you pick up the last book he had thrown on the floor, and opened his stupid mouth.

“Aren’t you supposed to be cleaning?” Eren spat. “This house is a complete disaster.”

Your eyes flickered incredulously to the wall clock, six o’clock it had read, your entire day wasted away, “Are you fucking serious right now?”

You searched for a hint of playfulness in his expression, seeing nothing but his stone cold eyes piercing into you as he spoke without hesitation, “I’m entirely fucking serious. How are we supposed to have company over if you can’t clean a fucking house?”

“Already cancelled,” you fumed, standing up from your crouched position, leaving the book on the floor. “Who the fuck do you think you’re talking to like that?”

“You. What? Do you need me to use your name at every sentence whenever I talk to you?” Eren kept edging, a feel of gratification consuming him upon learning his friends weren’t coming over anymore. “How am I supposed to marry someone who can’t fucking clean?”

You felt sharp pangs of hurt in your chest, eyes losing their spark, “Eren, that’s mean. Why are you being so mean today?”

He had only smirked, reveling in your mood switch. In the silence shared then, he announced he was getting a bath, he had such a hard working day and wanted to relax. He had left you in the living room alone, and you felt the anger inside of you bubble up, threatening to go over. You snapped, heading straight to the bathroom where you could hear the flow of water into the tub stop.

The door slammed against the wall as you threw it opened, seeing Eren jump slightly at the impact. His hair flowed down to his shoulders, arms stretched out against the rim of the tub, and in any other situation you’d be crawling into the water with him. He’d be so sweet about it too, bringing you to his chest and giving you kisses while you giggled at the attention. Hell, he’d probably even shower you in compliments and appreciation. Not today though, his eyes hardened as you stopped right in front of him.

“Out, now,” you ordered through clenched teeth. You could hear Eren’s breath kick up, but he didn’t move. “Are you deaf? Get out, now, Eren.”

His body moved before his mouth could protest, standing stark naked in the shin deep water. You could see the steam rise off of his skin, your eyes trailed downwards. Although soft, his dick was still impressive, but the longer you stared at the fleshy member, it twitched and rose a bit. You quirked an eyebrow, realization dawning on you. Oh, so this was why Eren was acting like this today?

You made eye contact with him then, his legs shifting over the rim of the tub, before standing directly in front of you. Your hand whipped up to the back of Eren’s head, fisting his hair, and yanking his head back, exposing every line and vein and bulge in his throat.

“This what you wanted? Wanted to get me all angry so I could take it out on you?” Eren’s dick was rock solid, giving you a physical answer, but you still needed the verbal one, “Answer me.”

“Yes,” he choked out, and his Adam’s apple bobbed along his throat.

“Well it fucking worked. I have half a mind to leave you here, like this, to take care of yourself,” you pulled his hair further, a gasp leaving his parted lips.

“No, please, don’t,” Eren’s voice came out whiny as he begged. You smirked, although he wasn’t able to see it as his eyes faced directly up to the ceiling.

“You’re going to drain this tub,” you began to instruct, tilting his head so his eyes trailed to your hard set ones. “And then you’re going to dry off, and go lay flat on your back on the bed. Do you understand me?”

He nodded feverently, happy you released your grip as his neck had begun to ache. You smoothed that same hand over his jaw, feeling the stubble underneath your fingertips, “Good boy.”

Eren set to work quickly, giddy with excitement. This had been his plan all along, to get you riled up enough to take it out on him. Genuinely, Eren hadn’t meant to start this at all today. When you had kissed him awake, he was having a really good dream he didn’t want to wake up from quite then, and hadn’t meant to push you away. Upon seeing your sad pout, followed by a flicker of anger in your orbs, something stirred within Eren. He began to question, just how far could he push you until you caved in?

Eren didn’t stick around to watch the tub fully drain, he was dried off and on the bed just as you had requested. You leaned against the wall, clad only in your bra and panties, and you watched him with hungry eyes as he followed your every instruction. Your boyfriend was a beautiful man, every part of him intriguing and gorgeous to you. He looked like a Greek God, arms and legs spread out, the subtle light from your bedside lamps casting shadows across his abs and into the V of his pelvis. Eren had a beautiful cock as well, thick and long and veiny, it sat perched on his lower abdomen, twitching as you pushed yourself off the wall to loom over your man.

“Look at you,” you mused, letting a dark chuckle vibrate from your chest. “You’re already hard and I haven’t even touched you yet. You’ve been thinking about this all day, haven’t you baby?”

“Yes,” he answered. The skin on his cock was so taut and tight, feeling somewhat light headed as all the blood was rushed to his member.

“You know I’m going to have to punish you, right? For being so mean to me today?” you batted your eyelashes, crawling on to the bed, sitting on your knees by his side, refusing to touch him just yet.

“I know,” Eren whined, trying to reach out to touch your thigh only to be met with the harsh slap of your palm. “I’m sorry.”

“No you’re not,” you cooed in false security, brushing Eren’s hair out of his beautiful face. “But that’s okay, you’re gonna’ make it up to me, right now.”

You traced the outline of Eren’s plump lips, resting your forehead against his as you muttered in your darkest voice, “I’m taking away your right to touch me. Convince me you’re sorry, and maybe I’ll reconsider.”

Eren squirmed under the heat of your words, eyes darting across your face for a hint of a lie, of hesitation. He found nothing, only the glimmer of lust in your eyes as you gazed down at him. Your fingers pushed past his soft lips, and he needed no instruction to latch on and suck. If this was the only touch he would get of you, your fingers pumping into his mouth, scissoring his tongue, he’d take it all so greedily to make you regret putting these rules in place. He never broke eye contact, curling and circling his tongue between your pointer and middle fingers, imagining they were the divine petals between your thighs. You were doing the same, feeling the gush of arousal slicken you. You tapped his tongue, signaling a release. He parted his now swollen lips easily, eyes pleading.

“Can I kiss you at least?” Eren rasped, his hands twitching at his sides.

“No,” you placed a contrasting sweet kiss to his forehead in your dark tone. “That would be touching, sweetheart.”

Eren held back a whine, knowing it was futile. He was simply going to have to lay there, and take whatever punishment he had coming, unable to escape it or bring you pleasure amongst it all. If there was a glimmer of hope, it was crushed as he felt your face travel down to his neck. You were in complete control, just as Eren had wanted.

You sucked and licked at his throat, your dry hand coming up to squeeze what skin you weren’t kissing. You trailed your lips down, kissing his entire torso. As much as you wanted to spend the time working Eren up, you had ideas swirling in your head. Eren had no patience with you today, so you weren’t going to have patience with him. Besides, it was sort of cruel to not pay immediate attention to his swollen cock.

Your hand slicked in his saliva wrapped around the base of his length, a sharp intake of breath heard from Eren’s lips. It came out shaky as you began to pump, his precum oozing from his tip and meeting the warm wetness of your fingers. You twisted your hand up and down, beginning to feel the moisture rub away, his spit drying. This was no good, and you continued to kiss down his stomach until your lips met the head of his reddened cock. He hissed as you spat on it, hand spreading it all over. Your tongue slipped past your lips, kitten licking at his tip. Eren couldn’t think straight, and he settled his hands above him to try and keep his grip as far away from you as he could.

It was nearly impossible to not grab your hair and slam you down as your sweet lips parted and you began to suck his fat tip. Eren succeeded though, knuckles white gripping pillows, and he heaved out a groan. You swiped your tongue along his slit, tastebuds soaking up his salty precum. You prodded in just a little bit, sending a shiver up Eren’s spine. Your hand still doing most of the work, you thought you’d up the game by throwing your other hand in the mix. Eren let out a high pitched moan, throwing his head back at the onslaught of attention.

“It’s so fucking cruel I can’t touch you,” he whined yet again, craning his neck to meet your eyes.

You popped your mouth from his head, “I guess I’m going to be downright evil after what I’m about to do.”

Before Eren could respond, your hands moved to his thighs and his cock was swallowed into the back of your throat. He couldn’t stop the noises he was making as you bobbed your head unbelievably fast, sucking him more and more until your nose buried into the neatly kept curls above his shaft. You were trying your hardest not to gag, your throat entirely full, and Eren was trying his hardest not to cum on impact. You pulled back a bit, tears blinked back from your eyes, and returned a single hand to work what you couldn’t reach.

Eren’s thighs tightened, his breathing hitching, “Fuck, I’m getting so close.”

At this reveal, your pace only quickened, full intentions of bringing him to his utmost height. Your cheeks sucked harder, tongue lapping the underside of his length, and you were covered in your own spit. Sloppy and messy, just how Eren liked it. How you seemed to like it, as well.

“Right there, don’t stop, don’t stop,” Eren called out alongside your name, hips bucking into your mouth. Your other hand met the swell of his balls, feeling them tighten up as his release was right there. As Eren let out the first whine to signal his climax, you yanked your hands away and slipped your mouth off with a pop.

He spasmed, too far gone to stop. His dick stood tall, shooting his load onto his stomach, throbbing so hard and so uncomfortably that tears rolled down Eren’s cheeks. You had ruined his orgasm. His cock was leaking clear fluid, his body frustrated with the lack of contact, entirely unsatisfied. His jaw slacked open, eyebrows furrowed as he gazed at you in disbelief.

“That’s what you get for trying to piss me off all day,” you growled, wiping the spit from your mouth with the back of your hand. “Stay right there, Eren.”

You got off the bed, reaching into your bedside table to pull out two objects — a tiny vibrator and a suit tie. You yanked Eren’s hands up, tying them to your headboard. You undressed yourself quickly, revealing your naked body to Eren’s greedy eyes. His dick hadn’t softened, still painfully erect and needy as he subconsciously bucked into the air. You didn’t comment, knowing how bad Eren wanted you and your attention back to his pulsating member. You threw your thighs around his neck, straddling the lower half of his face.

“You want me to touch you?” Eren nodded, tears still pooling in the corners of his eyes. “Make me cum, and I’ll return the favor.”

Easy enough, Eren thought, lolling his tongue out for you to place your glistening folds on. You sat down fully, letting out a moan as your hips circled his mouth, your hands latched into his hair. Eren heard the soft click of the vibrator in your hands, and moved his south south, knowing exactly what it was you were searching for.

You gasped as his tongue penetrated your tight hole, walls fluttering around his wet muscle as you slid the vibrator right up to your clit. If Eren had only had his hands, you wouldn’t need that little toy to satisfy you. He’d be doing all the work, bringing you all your pleasure up to your climax. All Eren’s work, but you didn’t want him to have that satisfaction.

Because this was you, and you were in full control, there was absolutely no point in teasing yourself. You were rewarding yourself, Eren just happened to be a part of the ride, literally. You thought of all the mean words he had said to you today, all the teases and inconveniences. Your hand in his hard gripped harder, biting your lip hard enough to draw blood as you tried to level your moans.

“You pissed me off so fucking bad today,” your head was thrown back as Eren fucked you with his tongue, your hips pressing down harder. “You were so mean. Now look at you, pathetic. Letting me fuck your face like the little brat you are.”

Eren felt his cock twitch, feeling similar waves of humiliation you had felt today. He knew better than to speak, instead, thrusting his tongue even harder into your entrance to show his response. You were right, he had wanted to feel completely powerless under your wrath, wanted you to use him as if he was disposable, to punish him. When he felt your hand leave his hair, feeling the harsh sting of a slap on his chest behind your ass, he was grateful. This is all he wanted, tears brought to his eyes in pure joy.

Your nails dug into his peck, your orgasm fast approaching, “Oh my God, you’re such a good boy, keep going. Oh fuck, Eren I’m about to cum.”

Eren felt pure pride and love swell in his body, ruined by a cold chill of blinding pleasure. No, no, he was not going to cum with no contact, surely? His scrotum tightened, eyes slamming shut. You were going to be livid when you saw the mess he was creating.

Eren’s cock shot thick white ropes into your back, yes, from that far away. It was just all too much, the degradation, it was like your words had been stroking him up the entire time. His body vibrated, but he forced his eyes to open to watch you fall apart above him.

Your wrist flicked fast with the vibrator in hand, feeling your walls clench and tip over the edge. You screamed breathlessly, pushing your entire lower half into Eren’s mouth. Eren could feel the tingle of your toy against his nose, a small goofy smile on his lips as he thought of how funny it would be if he sneezed. You pulled it away quickly though, mind coming back together as you began to worry about how hard you had pushed into his face. Your orgasm slowed, walls contracting at a much lazier pace, and you lifted your hips.

“Good boy,” you praised, eyes full of love as you reached up to untie his hands. “You did such a good job, baby.”

You hadn’t noticed what Eren had done until you felt a cold brush against your lower back and ass. You hand circled around, feeling the wet sticky spots, and your jaw dropped.

“Eren, did you cum from just eating me out?”

“I’m sorry, I couldn’t help it,” he was pleading, shying away from your widened eyes. “Was too much.”

Eren thought you would’ve been furious, instead, a soft laugh echoed in your chest. You moved off of him, laying on your stomach to place a sweet kiss to his lips. He eagerly returned it, happiness tickling throughout his entire body. When you pulled away, you rested your head on his shoulder while his arms circled your waist.

“That’s the hottest thing ever,” you admitted, curling a strand of his hair in your finger.

“I’m going to piss you off more often,” Eren joked lightly, kissing the tip of your nose. “I like this side of you.”

“Please, Eren, don’t. Next time you want me to top, just fucking ask me.”

LACHERI © 2021: all writing content belongs to LACHERI. I do not allow reposts or translations. this is my only account.

[prettyboykatsuki]

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comforting sleep deprived s/o | bnha

➳ incld  ;; bakugo and kirishima 

➳ warnings ;; none, just fluff, pro-hero!au 

➳ wc ;; 1.8k overall. 

➳ a/n ;; i haven’t slept properly in days. running on empty so this is how im coping. i love them. 

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i. bakugo katsuki 

- doesn’t like napping cause he insists on keeping his sleep schedule tight. not that you can really get mad at him over that - hero work is busy and he doesn’t like being tired cause it makes him more aggravated than usual. 

- so he avoids naps almost at all costs and rarely gets tired. his sleep schedule is really, really good. 

- not so much the same for you though. 

- bakugo accepted pretty early on that you were something of a night-owl. bad sleep anxiety and just generally having too much energy at night made it so that he rarely ever saw you go to bed. you were at least lagging a few hours behind him like. at all times. 

- he didn’t really mind at first, but at some point he realized just how little sleep you actually got. one time he woke up at 7am, surprised to see you also awake - only to find out you hadn’t slept the entire night. 

- he was pissed. after almost blowing up your kitchen, he sighed and basically told you that if you need helping sleeping to just “fucking ask him” or else. 

- needless to say, it didn’t get that much better. you two compromised by setting a time that you had to be in bed by, even if you weren’t asleep. whenever bakugo has time, he’s always trying to get you to rest but sometimes his schedule doesn’t really allow him to check up on you how he likes. 

- he’s coming home from a long mission. not super tired but just tedious work. he just wanted to relax. it was late, 3:37am on the clock when he finally walks in. 

- to his surprise - there’s a light on in the kitchen. when he walks in, very confused, he sees you sliding cookies off of a sheetpan into a little plastic tupperware. he stops. he stares. 

- why the hell were you baking at three in the fucking morning 

- “what the fuck are you doing awake?”

- you jump back with a hand over your chest, barely catching your breath. you blink a few times before sighing. 

- “baking. i didn’t think you’d be home so soon” 

- he hears it before he sees it. your voice is absolutely tattered - he can literally hear how exhausted you are. he pumps the breaks, walking towards you swiftly before staring down at you hard. 

- “when was the last time you slept,” 

- you press your lips into a tight smile, and he sees the dark purple under your eyes. he feel his heart hurt a little. his hands come up to your face as he brushes his thumb every so slightly against your lashes. 

- “it’s uh.. hard to sleep without you. more than usual, you know” 

- “Y/N” 

- “i don’t know. maybe two or three days ago properly? i mean i got some sleep in between but -,” 

- he stops you before you can start. he shuts the cookie container and leaves the tray in the sink before grabbing your hand a little forcefully and tugs you to the bathroom - lifting you up onto the counter. you know to stay put. 

- when he comes back it’s with a fresh change of clothes for the both of you. you blink at him owlishly as he strips himself off of his clothes - grateful he took time to shower at the agency. 

- he takes his shirt off and then takes yours off too, before pulling you right towards him. your arms instantly are around his neck, the warmth of his body pressed against your figure with his chin tucked over your shoulder. 

- and god - he’s so comforting you kind of want to cry. he smells like clean soap and deodorant and a little like smoke. feeling his skin against yours makes you feel instant relief. just hugging in the bathroom has you falling half asleep. you were just so tired. 

- when he pulls back, his whole face looks so damn worried it makes you want to cry. you put your own hands on his face and cheek, brushing your thumb on his cheek bone as he rests his forehead on yours. 

- “dumbasss. i can leave something with you if it’s that bad - fuck, you could’ve called me, you know?” 

- and you sigh and smile and kiss him a bit before pulling away again. man, you’re tired. you’re so, so tired. 

- “yeah.. i know,” 

- he helps you get undressed and freshened up, even rubs your facewash into your skin and rubs all your skincare in before hauling you off the bed. he turns the lights dim and just holds you, rubbing circles into your back as he holds you right to his chest. 

- “go to fucking sleep,” “love you katsuki” “..love you too” 

- he doesn’t sleep until you do, and wakes up the next morning to call in sick for you while you sleep against his chest. he should probably wake up but.. sleeping a bit longer won’t kill him. 

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ii. kirishima eijirou 

- kirishima likes to wake up pretty early so he can workout and do his cardio at the start of his day and his weightlifting later on. sleeping well is important to him cause his workout routine is super unforgiving if he’s not resting properly on rest days and the like. building muscles absolutely requires sleep! 

- that being said - he doesn’t mind not sleeping early if he has something to do. drinking especially normally keeps him up on weekends. overall, it was good but he doesn’t limit himself. 

- overall, it’s not something he paid a ton of attention too. life is all about balance so kiri goes with the flow. his rule of thumb is trying to get at least 8 hours a night tho. 

- but because kirishima is so go with the flow - it took him a long time to figure out that you were a night owl and something of an insomniac. he assumed that when he wished you goodnight everday, you fell asleep around the same time as him. 

- but one drunken even, he finds himself stumbling to your apartment. knocking on your and barely standing upright - he immediately is planning on apologizing for disturbing your sleep. 

- but then you.. open the door and you’re literally wide awake. you look tired but you’re clearly not sleepy. kirishima, once gain, blasted - pushes the thoughts to the back of his mind and grins toothily. he’s just excited to see you at that point and forgets about the whole ordeal until a few weeks later. 

- he ends up texting you about it a couple weeks later, assuming it’d be a once off thing that you’d explain to him. 

- ... is upset and shocked to learn that you rarely, if ever fall asleep before two am like on a good day. poor man is in shock for the rest of the day and proceeds to ask you about why you have a hard time to sleeping to try and see what he can do. 

- he wants to help but you just keep brushing it off and it honestly made him so upset he didn’t know what to do with himself. he couldn’t sleep a wink that night because the whole thing is bothering him so damn much. 

- what really sets him off is when he finally has a chance to see you after a few weeks. you were busy with uni and didn’t really have a ton of time to see him so the two of you couldn’t see each other properly for a few weeks. 

- he’s elated to see you. he’s missed his baby so much and he’s pulling all the stops out when he’s getting dressed. jeans cuffed, his best cologne, fresh shaved, brand new sneakers. he really wants to impress. 

- he’s wrapping you up into the tightest hug when he see’s you. your dressed comfortably but he still thinks you look so beautiful and he’s complimenting you, giving you kisses and overall just doting on you. he wraps your hand in his yours and just talks. 

- in fact, he’s so excited to see you, he doesn’t notice how..deflated you are. not at first anyways. 

- but as the date goes on, it becomes more and more obvious you don’t share his enthusiasm in the same way. 

- sure, he’s talkative but you haven’t said a word about how your week has been. all of his jokes have been met with mere huffs and forced chuckles and your eyes seem really distant. 

- it hits him all at once at the end of your date when you just seem so... out of it. he’s about to take you somewhere else but you stopped listening a while ago. kirishima stops dead in his tracks and holds your hand nervously, calling you a few times to get your attention. 

- “Y/N.. are you mad at me? is something wrong?” 

- your eyes go wide, flailing your hands to reassure him. you knew you were acting strange but to see kirishima this upset makes you feel awful. 

- “oh kiri - god no, it’s not you. sorry for being so.. distant - it’s not you,” 

- “well then.. what’s wrong?” 

- kirishima feels his heart get pierced when he sees you laugh. you look... so exhausted. your eyes are so heavy and the makeup on your skin is only barely concealing your dark circles. why did it take him so long to notice? 

- before he can even reply, he remembers that little tidbit about your sleep schedule. his heart so genuinely aches. 

- “Y/N.. when was the last time you got any proper sleep?” 

- you flinch, visibly at the question. with an awkward laugh you inform him that it had been at least a week since you’ve had the time to actually sleep. 

- “why didn’t you sleep today? on your day off?” 

- “i uhm.. wanted to see you. i know you had a date planned and i was excited to see you. sorry for.. ruining your plans” 

- he’s devastated by how cute you are. hugs you so damn tight. 

- “baby, you can see me whenever. im happy being with you even if all we’re doing is napping together” 

- when you mumble a soft “oh” in his chest, he can’t help but melt into a sigh. before you can protest, he’s dragging you back to his car and driving you home ignores your protests and buckles you, covering you with his jacket before kissing the crown of your head and telling you to sleep on the way back to his place. 

- he watches you like a hawk the whole time until he arrives at his place. he wakes you up and carries you on his back until he gets inside. all he does is kick his shoes off before pulling the full weight of you down on his body, kissing your whole face. 

- “sleep well baby. ill wake you up in a few” 

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