#but i didnt fucking stop to consider that i would be fucking dying. like why do i wish i'd taken a fucking math class or something??? LOL?

[cartoon-skeleton]

im fucking fighting demons as if i didnt ACTIVELY CHOOSE to write and draw an entire comic, make a series of giant oil paintings, construct an elaborate idea for my senior project involving a human-size marionette and a live feed camera and an insane amount of portraits, take a class where i have to write a fucking play for the final, and take another class where i have to analyze 208083287 movies per week this semester. like how am i mad at anyone or anything other than myself LOL

[rocksibblingsau]

Honestly, I'm this close to snapping and writing a fic where Branch dies during Trollscide/the escape and Brozone having to deal with the giant grief that would have caused

Like I get it, they were kid that needed indepedence bla bla bla but are we forgetting that they (most likely, the timeline is kinda just whatever the writers/fans want) left a toddler and an elder in a TROLL-EATING TOWN AND 3/4 NEVER TRIED TO CHECK IF EITHER WERE DOING OKAY (Clay will depends of your headcanon, but I still include him for the vibes)

What they did was shitty if we are talking only real-life perspective, in the trolls world what they did was genuine heartless like Branch is extremely right to be mad bcs for all they knew he could been dead the same year that they walked-out and they shouldnt have know for like 20-something YEARS. We dont know how the three/four of them got out and if they could have taken Branch and Rosie with them or not, but like yk send a letter or some shit FIGURE IT OUT YOUR BROTHER WHO IS A TODDLER COULD BE DEAD or without a proper gardian (which is what happened by the fucking way, next-of-kin WHO)

Sorry for the rant, but like I feel that many people when writing Brozone focus too much on the 'teenagers that left home' aspect and not 'their home is the troll equivelent of a murder cult and they didnt border checking if their family, that never wronged them, was even alive or needed to be taken care of' part

Yeah the fact they left them in the troll tree is pretty messed up. I do think however there would have been no way to take them. I imagine the only reason the four of them escaped is due to the fact they ran on their own. Rosie would have been about the age she would have slowed them down, and the fact of the matter is that while all four were leaving with dreams of finding a place...

They were all leaving on what was likely a suicide mission. I imagine attempts to leave the tree had a 99% mortality rate. It's why they tunneled instead of, yknow, walking through the bars. To take a baby who Probably had a decent life spin ahead of him on a tribe that would Definitely kill him would be a tough choice to make.

Something interesting to consider is that maybe that's what their parents did. Their parents ran and left them all behind. They might think it's normal to do so in that case.

Some people take the third movie to be evidence that the Bergens were a recent development and there were only a few years of Trollstice. (BroZone left, Bergens came in, 3-5 years later grandma dies, the escape happens) Which would explain why BroZone was both able to leave and comfortable leaving Branch behind, because there was no threat of death. It would also explain why John Dory didn't react to the Bergens, he had no clue who or what the hell they were. Me personally I don't believe that, and I find them leaving under the threat of Trollstice more narratively interesting but canon doesn't tell us jack so it's within the realm of possibility.

Can I be honest about something? I'm actually not sure if Branch dying would be more traumatic to them. I think all of them were operating under the assumption Branch would one day be eaten by Bergens. JD already did think he was dead. They might have been having a 'he's in a better place and its okay' mentality.

How much worse is it to find out that no, he's very much alive, though for the longest time he wished he wasn't? Every time you told yourself he's resting, he's with loved ones, he feels no pain now; it was all a lie. He was suffering. You could have stopped it. You could have found him.

Death is tragic, but sometimes living can be so much worse.

[verdemoun]

backstage of a talent show where all her friends (who saw this with her), her aunty, her da, her grandda and the guy who she’s supposedly having an affair with are there, and the da starts trying to fight the guy who shes had an affair with, only for the ma to reveal it was actually an english tutoring group she was attending. and the main bit of this conversation that makes me think of them is da/lenny “why didn’t you just tell me?” ma/sean “i didnt want to say anything because well the idea that someone like me could go back to school-the idea that someone like me could even go to university, well it didnt seem possible. i thought theres no point in telling anyone about this because its not actually going to happen. its not real.” da/lenny “well lets make it real if thats what you want” SORRY FOR THE YAPFEST you dont have to make anything of this it just honestly made me think of ur au macsummers and how sean has better access to education but is insecure about his abilities AND I JUST WANTED TO SHARE MY THOUGHTS WITH YOU SORRY😭

that is the most precious thing i have ever fucking read.

maeve would have heard them having a hissed argument at her show, with sean preferring lenny to think he's having an affair over admitting he was considering going to school, only to drop 'that's da's teacher he's helping him practice his reading now just a remember i'm the star of the show rn'.

lenny was flabbergasted. sean looked humiliated. lenny couldn't stop himself asking why he didn't ask him if he really was trying to learn to read and sean admitted a) when lenny reads it's just distractingly hot. like lenny reading to him was one of their date things in canon era, he can't listen to lenny reading even if it's that stupid condescending sounding out words without wanting to jump his bones and b) sean gets. really short tempered and angry when he doesn't understand something. it's misdirected embarrassment but he is working with someone who to tutoring in prisons and is really immune to responding to sean's outbursts, whereas they both know it would start a fight because they have always fed off each other's energies better or worse. but mostly the first point.

lenny makes it clear that he is overwhelmingly supportive and if sean does decide to go to school he is with him 100% of the way and they can make it happen. he also squeezes sean's hand when sean tries to dismiss it as too hard and says it is fine if he wants to quit doing the lessons or whatever but he's just, so proud and in love with him for giving it a shot and maybe sean could read to him next date night, which earned him a questionably passionate kiss and maeve making the typical child disgusted by parents showing affection noise.

maeve proceeded to go on stage dressed as her grand-da darragh (who she has never met in this timeline but heard and loves all sean's stories) and give a speech about british pigs and the unification of ireland that ruffled more than a few feathers. especially when her monologue ended with adams family style fake blood spurting from her sleeves as she collapsed to the ground screaming 'for ireland!!' before dying. her parents were all very proud and talked the teacher down from suspension to 3 days detention.

[sasukeless]

while i do think part of late stage naruto writing was just to wrap things up, sasuke completely forgiving itachi really just shows that he will always be the little brother. i mean not just logically lol like the personality, the little brother that looks up to his big brother and looks up to him and looks to him for guidance, regardless of how right or wrong it is. like yes sasuke was gonna attack konoha when its the opposite of what itachi wanted, but in the end its still influenced by his feelings for itachi (non rom. obviously). itachi can do whatever he wants or thinks he has to do and sasuke will forgive him. meanwhile you have itachi who also will always see sasuke as the little brother, emphasis on little, controlling him and what he does, up to the very end, never seeing sasuke as a grown person that can make his own decisions or even considering why sasuke does what he does, always clouded by his unquestioning loyalty to konoha. i think ironically people calling him a genius really fucked with his intelligence since he always thinks hes in the right (planning on brainwashing his own baby brother??).

i think it would be super interesting to see a what-if scenario where itachi survives post-war and continues this. probably not to the same degree but you cannot tell me he would just suddenly go 'ok sasuke i trust you know whats right for you:)' there is just no fucking way. and sasuke having the time and space to actually think about how his big brother is not right, not just pushing it aside to blow konoha up in grief and anger. like actually getting to work these things out and. idk where im going with this. feel free to reply publicly

u really read my mind like to me itachi the worst case of Older Sister u will ever see but sasuke also is the worst case of little sister when u actually stop to think it through because he reallyyyy would forgive itachi for all and i cant say that doesnt makes sense. im a middle child but for the longest time i was the little sister and i know whats being on the spot of forgiving the worst things from my sister does even when i KNOW i wouldnt forgive that from anyone else (not to trauma dump here but i was literally outed by my own sister to my parents horribly and even if its one of my worst memories like Ever. i really forgave her the second she did it). like of course in sasuke and itachi’s case is soooo far worse and their power dynamic is so much more messed up but it makes complete sense to me i cant lie about that. and also i find their relationship one of the most compelling things in the manga along with sns because of that. its horrible but god if its not gut-wrenching. sasuke will ALWAYS deserve better in my eyes but his love for itachi is so so big and unfortunately for him itachi also loves him the same his problem is that his way of loving sasuke is soooo bad, that in the end even if its sad to see sasuke losing his brother a second time itachi dying is the Best outcome for both cus had he kept living his way to love sasuke would just have continued to mess with sasuke’s life. Like youre so rightt had itachi survived post war he wouldve NOT been suddenly become the best brother thats just not how he ever was w sasuke, even if he didnt saw it he wouldve kept trying to make sasuke follow the life path he puts for him, but also like u said i think w itachi alive and sasuke himself growing up he wouldve also on his own began to put his foot down too to itachi Worst Older Sister syndrome. because the thing about grief is that when u lose someone you love you dont want to think of the bad memories so it makes sense after itachi’s death sasuke refuses to think badly of him even if he has all the reasons, and keeps him STILL on that pedestal of older brother and its insane but like i said. i get it

[yuukei-yikes]

I SEE YOU OUT HERE VINNIE!!!!! so you already know i have gotta ask,

WHAT IS YOUR FAVE UNDERRATED KAGEROU MOMENT?!!

WHOA a lot of energy hey there

UMMM underrated... i wouldn't know what is an underrated moment or not but some of my favorites are, in no particular order

the shinene goodbye in second manga route. like i do dislike this route but BWAHHH BWAHHHHH BWAHHHH THIS SHIT GETS ME SO BAD MAN SNIFF SNIFF SNIFF like iam pretty pissed THIS route where ene didnt Really know shintaro pre ene like in the main route like that so important to what makes their dynamic so insane yknow what i mean ugh *kicks second manga route* but whatever that scene is 10/10 and in my sick twisted mind this 10000% happens post str too. minus saying goodbye and takane dying yknow. i want these bitches to break down to each other bc they were the only thing they had for over a year and for shintaro to tell takane thank you for being by my side and all that shit and they sob together for an hour and how awkward the aftermath would be

ERM. another shintaro and takane moment but more a takane one. seventh novel confrontation. that whole chapter has my heart but specifically when takane gets teary eyed over kenjirou being clearing and having killed her and haruka. and kano reassuring her it is safe to love the person he was at home and at school and takane cheering up and going yeah he's still a really good guy (goes crazy) and i love that shintaro inner comment is being relieved when she cheers up and if he could help it he'd like to avoid seeing her sad again LOL (the whole chapter he's like SHE'S THE DEVIL SHE IS A DEMON SHE NEEDS TO SINK BACK TO HELL WHERE SHE CAME FROM then she tears up for 30 seconds and he's like WHAT THE FUCK MAKE IT STOP) they are bestfriends ur honor

sixth novel when haruka admits to having feelings for takane. this one is DEFINITELY underrated like i BARELY ever see ppl talk abt it like GIRL ITS RIGHT THERE WHAT IS WRONG WITH U. its generally very cute not only cuz of harutaka but because of shintaro and haruka being bestfriends because haruka realises thru yeah shintaro is my friend!!! but then goes into how calling takane a friend doesn't feel entirely right and "gives him a bad aftertaste in his throat... oh, so it's that kind of thing" i love that both haruka and takane have the "i wonder why" line when it comes to being unable to identify why is it that they feel so inclined to each other. it is so special to me too that haruka identifies his feelings by himself and the only reason he keeps them at bay is his health the fact he will die so what even is the point in indulging in his feelings for her. AUGH. i wanna die. i need ppl to talk abt this bit more. especially since i consider the harutaka bit in the lost day hour comic a callback since haruka wasnt gonna include takane in his interviews. like (tears hair off) WHY DIDNT HE WANT TO. he was all like "uhh yeah i got 1 more person to ask but...." and then takane's the one to be like i still havent given u my answer "oh yeah i was thinking of asking you but..." But what you fucking loser. why do you keep saying but. sorry im so normal abt the harutaka in lost day hour

another one i like is novel 6 when kenjirou calls haruka on the phone (goes crazy) their bond drives me so crazy kenjirou is just collecting kids he is such a good dad i was going crazy over this last night like im so sad he's dead in str like my man you have 4 kids STAY ALIVEEEE GET OUT OF THEREEEEEE *ugly crying*um. yeah. novel 6 revealing the iconic yuukei yesterday bit where kenjirou forces haruka and takane to organize a booth in 1 weeks time wasnt really bc of the principal/administrator/whatever but bc he knew haruka wanted it and needed an excuse to get takane moving therefore get haruka moving. if he only told haruka, haruka would laugh it off and be like noooo but if he Forces takane then she will beat sense into haruka for him. it just says so much abt kenjirous character to me. he is extremely caring but sort of hands off in a way, but when he needs to. he knows how haruka is that's why he used that approach. IT MAKES ME CRAZY adoptive dad for real. also remember how haruka wakes up in the daze already seeing through konohas eyes and sees his dear teacher all sneering being like MAN WHAT A PAIN THESE 2 WERE TO KILLLLL omg konoha ur awake lol look!!! and shows him takanes dead body. GIRL. CAN YOU IMAGINE WHAT HARUKA WAS FEELING AT THAT MOMENT. the only adult he ever trusted and could confide in + his last thoughts before dying (aside from being like I DONT WANNA FUCKING DIEEEE) is a goodbye to takane and how she has to be happy and live a long life with all the people she will meet even if without him. and then he sees she is dead killed by this man he trusted so much. girl. *succumbs into despair*

UMMMM yeah those are a few of my favorites. i got a ton more tho. every haruka and takane moment is a favorite too.

[dukeswonderousmenagerie]

Mad science-Fujiko again, sorry it took awhile to answer

Just thinking about Fujiko’s emotional reaction, she’s schocked she didnt see the betrayal coming of course, but its more that she feels stupid, than personally hurt. (I think to her, its like missing the obvious signs of a storm when she’s normally good at reading the weather)

Whats far worse is the feeling of helplessness and the realization her efforts have been for nothing. She tried to keep her friends safe and instead she’s probably got them killed. She’s about to lose everything.

Also thinking on how she might go about convincing Jigen when insisting she was betrayed too doesnt work. Explaining herself? Telling him that she fucked up because she was afraid and desperate, because she couldnt stop thinking about what would happen if she lost her friends?

No way, Jigen wouldnt believe it in a million years.

She can try to give him all the information she has on the person who’s actually behind the disaster and the experiments they worked on, but he’s not gonna believe her until he sees she’s told him something true, perhaps something about the new zombies or mutants theyre fighting.

Ah hello my little friend! It’s nice to see you again :3 I hope your having a good day! I wrote a little something the last ask you sent!

It’s right here 

But yeah that would be how I would think it would go.

A key word to describe Fujiko to me would be duplicitous. No one really knows what or more specifically WHO’s side she is on, and when asked by people if she could be considered trustworthy Jigen would probably admit that it‘s "not an easy question to answer." Thought we have all seen that Fujiko can be trusted to repay her debts to people who help her, she has betrayed more then aided enough for her to be greatly considered untrustworthy, especially by people who take the trust of people very seriously, like Jigen.

To be honest, I think the reason why THIS particular “betrayal” would hit so hard for Jigen especially is because of the situation they are all in.

The world has basically ended. No one, besides those who know the contents of the USB, knows where the infection has started, but at this rate, it really doesn’t matter. The undead have been spotted in nearly every major city from New York to Texas all the way to California and that’s just in the US alone. Across the ocean outbreaks in major countries like Europe, Britain, France, Germany and China are all commonplace. Certain places may have dealt with the undead and have found a way to deal and aid other places in order to help their recovery, but others are still struggling like in the US.

This is far bigger and far worser then anything the gang has had to deal with. This isn’t some rival gang trying to move in on a score. This isn’t running from the Cops. This is the big deal. And yet to Jigen it’s seems despite that all that, despite everything trying to kill them already, Fujiko still couldn’t seem to help herself by betraying the group ONCE again. Regardless of her motives or not.

And what’s sad is Jigen would have given her a chance again. He would have believed her when she said she didn’t know. But the problem now is that he’s not thinking straight. He see’s this as another betrayal. Plain and simple, no surgery coating can change what this is. But now because of Fujiko, one of the few people he himself has left in this crazy world where everyone is trying to EAT them, is dying. 

Jigen knows if he loose’s Lupin that he is going to absolutely loose it. He had little to hold on already before the world went crazy. Not to mention he had already been struggling with feeling like a failure following the death of his niece the beginning of the outbreak. Now if Lupin dies that’s the last straw, it will kill him. Because Jigen’s not like his sister, he struggles connecting with new people. Maddalena doesn’t, she’s built a community around herself to deal with the changes the world has given them and the loss of her daughter, she has made friends.

Jigen HASN’T

Jigen CAN’T

Jigen can’t just make new friends like his sister does. It’s not who he is. He already struggles with the one’s he has. Plus his trust issues actively just refuse to let him get close to other people, especially new people. Constantly scrutinizing every motive like it’s a farce or a soon to be attempt on his life. 

Lupin is basically the only thing he has left in this crazy world that he can trust. That he can love. And even if she didn’t mean it, there’s a big chance Fujiko just took that all away. 

The ONLY THING keeping him from putting a bullet in her head IS Lupin. As long as Lupin is alive, he can’t kill her. Because the one thing Jigen tries not to do is break promises. He already broke the promise to his sister that he would keep her kids safe.

He failed.

It almost killed him

He won’t break this promise to Lupin, not as long as Lupin still breathes.

But time is not on Fuji’s side with this one. . .Even if it turns out she was telling SOME truth, the fact of the matter is, Jigen isn’t gonna want anything to do with her if Lupin doesn’t make it, he already hates that he has enough of a conscious not to throw her out of the QZ to fend for herself, if he had his way he’d have thrown her out on her ass. But nope. . .he knows he can’t do that..

[jadeclash999]

Pesterquest “Initial” Thoughts, Part 2

Going to be doing it differently this time, by doing it real time

Spoilers below...oooo....

Tavros

Ok, I was worried this route would focus too much on Vriska because you can't really have a Tavros route without Vriska, but given how much spotlight she's taken I was worried it would be focused on her.

Well I was wrong, we tell her off at least and instead we get a lovely insight into Tavros' living situation and us (with the help of Kanaya) renovating his house. It's nice to see him mention his other friends. I feel bad for him considering he can't really meet them. Kinda wished we did a thing where we teleported to them but oh well. Adorable ending.

Also the Prospit bad ending... Kinda sad

Aradia

Kinda anti climatic tbh

It felt short??? But I'll admit the whole rewinding part was really cool!! Not my favorite route though because it just felt too meta for my liking. Sure we kinda learnt about her hobbies but it just felt like a plot related route rather than an Aradia route. Which, I don't really like because I like routes where we at least hang out with the character more and learn more about them.

It was funny making her mad when I kept choosing "Wait, did she just say "gh0sts?" again and going to the main menu lol

Nepeta

Really enjoyed her route ngl

It's not anything special but its pretty heartwarming, kinda gives the same vibes as the kid's routes or jade's route. Honestly I might have missed the part where she ran away from home and shit

Sollux

Again, really liked this route. It gives me more insight into a character I really do not like in canon as much. Also why on earth is Kanaya better written here than her own fricking route?

Also that bulge joke...its cursed but its funny I guess

Eridan

Ok so far I like these routes and I don't hate Sollux anymore after this lol

I love how we went from his gender thing to fucking GENOCIDE even though Sollux said he doesn't even believe it. A bit lacking but I liked it. Worth seeing Shrek 2 with him despite him being an asshole.

Feferi

Ok I'm prob one of the few people who like her but I liked her route a lot!! I didn't expect a friendsim character to appear. The route was kinda short to be though...

Rip that one ending where we meditate for a long long time

Ok its time for the Alpha kids route. I was ok with the trolls one so far but I'm kinda concerned for the Alpha kids

Because well, to be fair in the comic they weren't really handled as well as the beta kids. Dirk was ok UNTIL THE EPILOGUES where we see his character regress

Jane

This one was...surprisingly ok? It's a breather from the troll routes for sure

We see a lot of stuff about Jane that isn't her whining about Jake and shit (which is surprising in this route that she never mentioned him ONCE)

Jake

This route is really long so im just gonna dump all my thoughts as I'm playing it instead:

ok ok of all people to choose to ask for help why did it had to be VRISKA?

Jake being ace??

why is jake so INFURIATINGFSARFJSDJFJ

I am now realizing that the game expects you to go to the bad endings first before the good endings

not jade telling us to stop meddling with her life (valid but girl we just stopped yall from dying?? )

she apologized nvd

ok yeah that route was...ok??? i didnt like it that much but it was nice talking to jake at least. At least jade and jake got to meet

Roxy

Ummm it was ok?? Tbh I don't have many thoughts on her

Dirk

Ok his part of the route was entertaining ngl

Then the afterward hurts me because it reminds me how much of his character got butchered in the epilogues

Maybe one day I'll gather my thoughts and write something of worth, but this is just throwing in my initial reactions

[kiss-my-freckle]

Tyler and Caroline would constantly have sex (Caroline had a lot of action in general) but they aren't shamed for their sex life nor is Caroline slut shamed nearly as much as Elena is. Also Tyler and Caroline had sex in 5x5 and avoided talking about their problems and Tyler delayed talking about his purpose being there was going on a break with Caroline and saying goodbye to her since she kept urging him to join that semester even though he wasn't ready to be in college at the time. They had sex after the council's funeral and Bonnie's funeral but the fandom doesn't consider them insensitive while Delena is seen as insensitive for having kissing in 6x12 because of Liz almost dying and having sex in 6x21 because it wasn't their wedding. People say Delena have sex instead of communicating about their issues just because of 5x16. People claim Elena was a worse friend than Caroline to Bonnie even though she brought her back to life in season 5 and 6. This comment irritates me:

Elena and Damon STALLED Jo and Alaric's wedding by going off to fuck?! How could you possibly think that is acceptable behavior when you are the maid of honor and best man? Especially after Elena kept making everything about herself the whole day! They are lucky Kai came in and ruined that wedding because if I were Jo or Alaric I would've been beheading THEM. All they ever did was fuck after they got together. They were a selfish couple. Him murdering Aaron because she broke up with him also springs to mind. And she didn’t care as soon as she found out it wasn’t her. They really had to make it about her when Jo was dying on her Wedding day while being pregnant. if elena didnt check her phone too, who knows when they would have stopped. When Caroline’s mom had cancer and almost died, Elena immediately started making out with Damon and realizing that “life is too short. Mortal or not. I don’t want to waste another minute.” Like what? You’re literally vampires. Wedding parties have responsibilities to the people getting married that are more important than horniness especially the maid of honor and best man.

Damon and Elena communicate better than most characters in the show because they're open and honest and understanding of each other. Communicating as they do doesn't require they sacrfiice their sex life. They're capable of both despite what fans prefer to believe.

Delena had the right to kiss in 6x12 and they certainly had the right to have sex in 6x21. Alaric and Jo weren't the only characters in that episode ffs. A couple that are in love are likely to take off before a wedding to have sex, just as a coule are likely to take off before a funeral to have sex as Tyler and Caroline do in 4x2. Damon choosing to take the cure gave Delena all the more reason to have sex before Alaric's wedding because Damon solidified his vampire-version wedding proposal. That's why their sex made sense, and why they pan out this way...

Who cares that they got so caught up in each other that they were late to the wedding. Like I said... fans will find the most idiotic reasons to hate on them because said fans are bitter af. Me personally, I'd have no problem with a couple taking off to have sex before my wedding, but I'm also not self-absorbed. I'm pretty sure I didn't see Alaric or Jo complaining about it.

[thatrandomventblog]

it just sucks so much. i want so badly to put my full weight on people but also im so scared ill hurt or break someone. knowing my dumbass i would and then id be miserable cuse hurting people isnt me. all i ever want to do it help thats all. sometimes it doesnt matter how as long as that person is feeling better. sometimes i feel like im drowing and the only way anything stops hurting is to soothe another whos hurting which never made any fucking sense to me but then again ive always been told ive been drawn to lost souls. maybe im meant to help others and nothing more. maybe im just not meant to really do anything important for the world. i want so badly to be a light for others so i joke and i help and i try and try and try. i get nowhere tho. and i dont know why. i never feel like i actually help someone and im constantly so fucking nervous of saying something wrong and hurting someone on accident and just fucking it up cuse its all ive done my whole life. fuck things up. my birth was a fuck up. i fucked up every day as a kid. i fuck up every day now. i never thought id make it to highschool but now im here. im here living when i thought id be dead. i keep changing myself to fit in better. so people will like me more. ive given up on reading, something ive done since i was ten constantly, reading books and getting lost in them. now i can barely pick one up. i just cant. last year i completely lost my motivation to get better in art. i failed so much. underage drinking led to parents mistrust. but it didnt matter that i was forced to it. i can vaugely recall that night and i keep thinking if it was my fault of theirs. the person who forced me. i guess it should be mine, considering as how im the one who eventually gave in. i cant eat fish anymore cuse the smell makes me think of times id rather forget. sometimes i doubt i could ever be with a girl sexually cuse of it. i keep trying so hard to let things fall into the past. it never seems to matter tho. one way or another they come back. they come back and i feel sick all over. memories of a vaccum getting thrown or of doors slamming haunt me. nothing i do shakes it. i feel like im drowing. i cant climb out of the hell hole im in. i think it should be that way. i do deserve it. im the fucking eldest how tf did i ever let myself be so fucking weak? but it dont matter anymore. im just kind of another dust in the wind. and i know. its always the same issue. but honestly? this household fucking sucks some days. and some days i wish that knife actually hit me. some days im thankful that at least i gotta meet the people i did. siblings keep telling me im lance mcclain irl, and that hits hard. i laugh my pain away until my chest feels compressed. i let just enough steam off so that i dont blow. just so that im not dying while smiling entirely. mom and dad ive tried talking to. it doesnt matter that im hallucinating anymore. it fucking hurts tho. i see things but not really. like its there in glimpses and sometimes there in wholes. but it doesnt matter. as of late im starting to think its a possibility that its ptsd triggered, but the thought of having ptsd makes me feel so fucking shitty. i shouldnt have it. at all. nothing ive been through has been enough (in my opinion) to actually make me have it. but i guess what i got is what i got. some days i feel like its an unfair hand. others i feel like its the hand i deserve. idk anymore.

[oflgtfol]

screams

this whole situation with bexlee is so frustrating because like. i never wanted a new dog. im still fucked up over lola dying. i never wanted a new dog period and especially not a puppy. but my parents insisted for some fucking reason, my mom was being SO annoying about it she had like baby fever but for a puppy instead, just absolutely everything was about getting a puppy specifically, and i was so doubtful bc well 1. i didnt even want a new dog and 2. i knew a puppy would be a handful because puppies are fun to just hang around with for a little bit but to actually care for one full time would be like, well, a baby! because puppies are babies!!! and i don wanna deal with that on top of the fact i dont even want a new dog regardless of age

but my parents refused to listen to me because well my mom did her normal guilt trippy thing. "youre hurting my feelings, what do you mean you dont want a new dog? you're gonna hate her? thats so mean, everyone loves puppies" etc and even going as far as to say that i have zero input into the puppy because its not MY dog, its THEIR dog, as opposed to lola who was the family dog

so frankly i find bexlee a fucking stupid name literally the epitome of the white girl keighlegigh type name and i told my mom that but she was like "well bexlee isnt your dog so you dont get a say in her name" like fucking Okay

but then bexlee wound up like imprinting on me or something so im her fave which is, well. i find it ironic considering everything i just said and i do enjoy it when shes calm and cuddly and just wants to lay all over my lap and stuff. but then she gets into these moods where im trying to leave for school or eat dinner after a long day and shes just barking at me and throwing toys at me and biting on my sleeves and barking and barking and its like can i please just eat dinner. can i please just eat dinner in peace. and i hate getting frustrated because shes a puppy but like i literally did not want a puppy, for this exact reason. and my parents just fucking let her do this to me they just sit in the other room while im trying to eat and i cant fucking eat it takes me a fucking HOUR or LONGER to eat dinner and then my mom walks in and is like "what are you doing that you're not done eating yet?" LIKE I DONT KNOW. HAVING TO STOP TO PLAY WITH A PUPPY FOR TEN MINUTES BETWEEN EVERY TWO BITES I TAKE? and i get it, my mom has to deal with bexlee all by herself during the day because everyone is at school or work, so when everyone gets home she wants to be able to relax, and my dad doesnt want to deal with it bc hes been at work all day so when he gets home he just wants to be able to relax, but its like. so i have to deal with it then? you just throw me to the wolves and make me deal with her?

its to the point where i hate being downstairs because its just always bexlee wanting to play with me she does absolutely nothing else and again i feel bad for feeling this way because shes just a puppy but again i must reiterate this is exactly why i did not want a puppy. i knew i would get impatient and resentful and i specifically did not want to take that out on the dog

granted i think the reason she's imprinted on me is partially because im the quietest one in the house, and even when i get annoyed i dont yell at her, unlike my parents. which again is ironic bc they just yell at her and its like okay i get annoyed too but come on!!! dont fucking yell at her like that. idk it just feels so mean and it ameks me even more frustrated with my parents because its like YOU WERE THE ONES WHO INSISTED ON GETTING A PUPPY!!! this is why i didnt want a puppy!!! but you all had like horse blinders on just solely focused on puppy fever AHH NEW DOG!! PUPPY!!! FUN TIMES AND HAPPINESS!! YAYYY

and i think its particularly jarring because lola was elderly for like half my life. she was very slow and didnt care for playing for longer than 20 minutes maybe, when she was younger, and in her last few years it lasted maybe 5 minutes. she spent most of her day in bed or just following us around the house. she was very slow and very quiet because she was old. so its not just me but its the entire household, we're all used to having an elderly dog. which is AGAIN why i didnt want a PUPPY because i knew it would be a huge contrast to what we were used to

and really the crux of it comes down to this: i dont even mind the playing in the grand scheme of things. but bexlee still isnt house broken despite being like 10 months old, nearing on 11 now. every time we bring her outside she gets distracted she starts chewing on grass or leaves or sicks or mulch or whatever random shit she finds in the grass. or she starts circling but then a bird chirps or the fence creaks and then suddenly she like, forgets what she was doing or something and then just wanders aimlessly or begins chewing on whatever. and then we bring her inside after walking around out in the backyard for 20 minutes, and then she immediately pees on the carpet. she doesnt tell us when she has to pee, she doesnt give any warning, and when we do spot the signs like she starts circling inside, and we bring her outside in time, then its like she completely forgets she even had to go. she can be literally cicling and two seconds away from peeing on the carpet and then we bring her outside and suddenly shes got an iron bladder.

an its wearing on my parents a lot having to be so vigilant about bringing her outside, or constantly cleaning up pee and poop indoors, and then theyre constantly in a bad mood about it, and its another reason why i dont want to be downstairs anymore because i just have to fucking listen to them complain all the time and AGAIN - YOU PEOPLE INSISTED ON GETTING A PUPPY!!!!

now my moms whining that having to bend down to clean the pee constantly is wearing on her body and its like i just .im going out of my mind. i just dont know what thse people fucking expected. if it wasnt the pee then it'd be just the having to physically keep up with a puppy in other ways. like youre 55 years old i dont know why you expected that raising a puppy would be okay on your body. i just dont know what these fucking people expected

so the whole situation is so annoying and wearing me down so badly because yes bexlee is also driving me insane, im sick of having to keep an eye on her 24/7 to make sure she doesnt randomly fucking pee out of nowhere, im sick of playing 24/7 especially when i have other things to do and im tired, etc but im also so so so annoyed at my parents for not considering all this when they were in their "lets get a puppy!!!!!!" phase. im just so annoyed all around. so yes bexlee can be frustrating but im still so defensive over her because like shes a puppy shes just doing what puppies do for the love of god

so anyway if you've somehow read this whole thing and got to the bottom: does anyone have any tips for house training a dog. because it feels like we've tried everything for bexlee and she just still isnt getting it and this whole thing is seriously draining the life out of me i just want to hide in my room all day whenever im at home

this post was brought to you by the fact bexlee hopped up on the couch began scratching it and immediately peed. right on the couch. despite having peed outside only 20 minutes ago

[goldenfoxthe1st]

hey guys. its me again. the one who wont stop fucking ranting about wukong. you're never gonna guess what this one is gonna be about

.

wukong is a great mentor to mk

i too was once a little skeptical about his mentor style but when i looked more into it i really realized all that he does for mk. the stuff we see on screen vs off screen is the same yet also different. what we see thats GOOD mentorship is wukong being supportive, patient, passionate, and engaging with his lessons (most of the time). on the contrary, hes not exactly the best at communicating. sure hes good at communicating the basic stuff like correcting form and lessons, but in terms of the important stuff like idk....lady bone demon....he really fucking sucks at it. which i can understand why considering how much he cares for mk and doesnt want him getting hurt. i mean mk isnt immortal OR invincible anymore, and during his time not only training but also watching him, hes definitely gotten some sort of emotional attachment. and you know what hes the best at? fucking up relationships and killing those he loves and/or trusts. but he fucking adores mk (in a non romantic way ofc) and i cant imagine how scared he is to fuck up and lose him too. mk had that blind trust in wukong that he hadn't experienced in at LEAST 500 years, let alone normal trust from someone other than the monkeys on ffm. hes TERRIFIED of losing mk in any way, as seen when lbd showed him mk dying in fire and again when mk rushed into the samahdi fire to help mei like my guy thought that was IT. he probably thought he killed mk. and also ep 9. i think you get the point now though. SO BASICALLY wukong has never taught anyone before and never thought he would so give him some slack hes doing his best </3 i mean mk has been progressing super fast so whatever hes doing is working WOOOOO GO MONKEY MAN THATS MY BOY!!!!!!!

to sum it up: hes never mentored before hes doing his best LEAVE HIM ALONE!!!! he hid lbd from mk because he wanted to protect him but i mean that failed he fucked up there ngl like I see where he was going with that and hes so used to working alone he kinda didnt tell anyone his plan which ok man sure but hes just a little guy who loves his student mk sooooosososo much like a son or little brother don't be mean to him </3

[bloodycassian]

Azriel x reader - enemies to mututals. LONGER - Peregryn Reader and Az go on a mission together. Comebacks, snark and injuries. - azriel taking care of hurt reader. 

Send me requests please! 

Not a soul dared step in your way as you plowed through the war camp.  "You will not be flying anywhere." You shouted over the murmuring group. Rhys' inner circle whipped their heads to you. Cassian's hand went to the dagger at his side instantaneously. You felt the spymasters shadows curling around your ankles. 

"You challenge me, I'm impressed." Rhys smiled like a cat, pushing off the table littered with pawns and a map of the region. Azriel's shadows curled further up your legs, taking the hint from his high lord. "Your spymasters eyes and ears seem to be doing an inadequate job." You said with distaste, glaring at Azriel. You tucked your feathered wings in tight, tension in the room spiking. Darkness flared, Azriels' shadows spiking over your legs, swirling angrily. 

Rhysand considered for a moment. None of the eyes left you. You dared not look away from the high lord. The piercing eyes of The Morrigan burned into you. Her silver armor shone even in the dull tent. "Leave us." He said at last, with a wave of his hand. His counterparts glanced at him, before obeying and walking out. 

Azriel stayed put, the shadows still circling the room like a fog. 

"I don't like being insulted, Peregryn." Azriel growled, his wings twitching.

  "I dont like dying, Illyrian." You countered. His face twisted in disgust. Rhysand sighed, taking a seat at the head of the table. You felt his aura inside your head, asking, tempting. They knew not many were a fan of their court, but so far you could really see the WHY behind it. 

"I understand you're a part of a different court but we are here fighting together against this threat." He spoke aloud, you felt his presence recede from your mind.  "If you don't want me to see what you have seen, how am I to know to trust you?" He smiled wickedly, as if he knew you would never let him in to your head. True, the night court and autumn court were not on the friendliest of terms. Especially after Thesan had made a public enemy of you for abandoning his court to help in the fight on the continent. 

"I understand fully that we are different courts, with different ideals working together. Perhaps your generals don't though." You nodded out the open flap of the tent. "Why my forces are going in first when there's an aerial threat beyond the border to Rask is beyond me. Perhaps you could explain." You said sweetly, pulling out the chair at the opposite end of the table and sitting. Azriel remained standing, his presence looming. He glanced toward Rhys, and they seemed to have a silent conversation in the looks alone. You had no doubt that he and the high lord were speaking mind to mind. 

"I can assure you there was no ill intent behind it." Rhys muttered, his eyes held no trace of lies. He had no tell , no body language that would suggest other wise as he spoke plainly. "As for the aerial threat, I will find Azriel here sees to it. If you are willing to help, of course." He swirled the glass of wine on the table, taking a sip. Azriel's face went a bit red. Likely mentally shouting at the high lord. "You understand, this assures I can trust your word and you're not trying-" He took a breath, humming as he let it out. Considering. Or putting on a show. It was hard to tell what face of him was the genuine one. "Well if you would let me in I guess I would know if you had any.. intentions." 

The silence seemed electrifying, Azriels shadows were swirling faster, whispering over his shoulder into his ear. His hair moved slightly in the presence of them. His siphons glowed, despite no direct threat. 

You stood slowly, standing tall in the presence of the two. "You know where my tent is, Shadowsinger." His face revealed nothing at your words. Rhysand saluted you mockingly. Chin held high, you strode out of the tent.

+ As soon as the sun had dipped below the treeline enough to cast shadows through the forest Azriel had appeared at your tent. The temperature seemed to dip slightly at his presence. "If you're ready we can go." He said, voice plain outside your flap door.

"And why wouldn't I be ready, shadowmaster?" You said with a charming smile, hoping it annoyed him. While pulling on your light armor, you stalked past him and to the edge of the forest. He seemed stunned momentarily, but caught up quickly. He matched your pace with ease.  

The hilly terrain made for an interesting forest pattern, but the area you remembered spotting the archers and arterillary trebuchets was very obvious. You dared not fly, with your wings so light colored against the darkened sky.  "We're walking?" He asked, his wings flaring. You crunched through the brush that lined the forest edge. 

"It's an aerial capture unit. They'll either shoot us down or take us prisoner until they get what they want." You said over your shoulder. "Is the Illyrian afraid of a hike?" You teased. 

You heard a grunt and he was suddenly right next to you, his footsteps loud as he adjusted to the rocky slope you were heading up. "I don't like being called that, you know." He muttered, his eyes straight ahead. 

Strange. Very strange for an illyrian indeed. Normally they were obnoxiously proud of their heritage like no other. It made you pause your comeback for a moment. you tried to remember the brief history of the night court you had been briefed on in training. Nothing was ever said about the high lord or his generals beyond their extraordinary abilities. 

You knew the Illyrian possessiveness first hand. Anger flickered inside you, remembering what they did to their females. The abusiveness of their court when it came to yours and your winged cousins. How cruel they were in battle. You couldn't stop the thought as it raced from your lips - "Not proud of the clipping or breeding, spymaster?" You growled.

He was on you in an instant. Had you pinned against the side of the grassy knoll a second after that. The air left your body at the impact against the dirt burm. Your wings splayed out behind you on instinct, trying to balance you. His were as well, using them as extra force to hold you there. Your hand was at your dagger, but you didn't feel the need to use it, his grip loosened.

"Fuck. you." He bit out. You saw his hands as they gripped your armor. Scarred lines lay on his fingers, the back of his hands up to his wrist. They were a lighter color than the rest of his dark skin. Ridges puckering together like soft peaks of a mountain range. The sounds outside of your breathing together seemed to stop, his sharp tone silencing the woods completely. His eyes seemed like an endless pit, despair and malice under their shallow surface. 

He shoved off you with a sigh, and continued down the trail. Wings snapped in tight behind him. You dusted yourself off and followed under the cover of nightfall. 

+ The group of fae and beasts was getting exceedingly more and more rowdy as the night went on and the barrels of mead emptied. You didn't doubt the reason being that they thought your forces wouldn't move in the night. Not with so many foot soldiers that could be picked off in the forest by...unknown creatures. You shuddered at the thought of such things. The group was no more than thirty large, probably to winnow faster. Every pair had a weapon or a net weighted with stones that would nullify any magic. The arrows were likely poisoned as well. The trebuchet was packed with stones, boulders and what looked like wooden nails. They were planning for maximum damage.

"You take east, I'll go by the river." You whispered behind him, knowing that his shadows would pick it up if he didnt. The enemy campfire flickered in front of him, making his silhouette glow from where you crouched. His only response to your plan was a slight nod. You left him to it, creeping through the trees, avoiding leaves and fallen twigs that would make more sound than the soft pine floor. The fog of shadows whipped in a flurry around you as departed him. They stayed with you until you were firmly in the trees, the bubbling stream of the river loud enough to cover your tracks.

His signal to attack was subtle, but it worked. At first it seemed like their campfire had begun to sputter and smoke, leading to them quieting. Then, two decapitated heads were flung into the middle of the crowd circling the pit.  A rustling from where Azriel originally stood had them scrambling for weapons, sticks, swords. Anything they could find. Then he sliced into three of their knees from behind. You were diving into the fray when the group had finally gotten their defenses up. 

+ The snarls died out one by one. Azriel finished off the final Attor when a blinding pain in your back hit you. Your first instinct was to stab. The fae that stood behind you held your dagger in her stomach, looking you in the eye. The wooden steak at their side dropped to the ground. Her lips parted in a wicked smile as she pushed your knife deeper into her own stomach. "Death." She hissed. You felt the blood drain out of your face. She raised her other hand and was bringing it down when Truth Teller sliced clean through the neck. The hand dropped, as did the rest of the body that held your knife. 

Pain returned to you as soon as the head stopped rolling on the ground. You could feel the blood dripping... not from your back. You let out a roar of anguish, trying to fold your wing inward. Your feathers were stained a dark red. It looked black in the dim light. Azriel was on you in a second, without a word he had his hands on you, your wing. 

Pain dazzled you in more ways than you ever thought possible. It burned, it stung, it ached. It was enough to make you pass out for a few moments while Azriel carried you closer to the fire. "Fly- Me-" You panted between words. "Healer." You barked, letting your wing hang limp at your side. Azriel was assessing behind you. Slowly, methodically. Coolness encapsulated your wing. It was a slight relief against the burning.

"I cant fly with you if you can bring your wings in. And we need to get this out before it spreads, its poisoned..." He paused, hissing at whatever he was seeing. There was a pinch and he had a hand on the firm ridge, bending slightly. " Its in too deep to hope for a healer to recover by the time we get there too." he finished, working delicately around your feathers.

He was gentle, and firm while he did his best to get the bigger spikes out. You could feel the smaller slivers digging in whenever he bent your wing a different angle or if you tensed it at all. It began to itch as the fire died, casting you in darkness. "Dammit." He sighed, getting up. You hadn't realised how bad the gash was until you looked over your shoulder to see the pile of splinters he had gotten out so far.

"I may have left some in there, just don't move alright?" He stroked the curve of your wing. It sent a thrill through you that made your stomach flip despite the pain. "I'll be back in a minute. Just... stay put. Please." He added, then he was gone.

Your eyes grew heavy while you stared at the embers glowing in the fire. Thinking of Rhysand and his smug smile kept you awake. You couldn't wait until his own general proved him wrong. And proved the group was very capable of taking out winged foes, apparently. You sighed, then went rigid. A crack of sticks sounded. You panicked, knowing how treacherous the forest was without an extra pair of eyes looking out for you. You flung yourself to the fae woman's body, clawing for your dagger still embedded in her stomach. Your wing drug behind you, limp and aching. 

"What the hell are you doing?!" Azriel gasped, dropping the pile of wood next to the fire pit as he came into view. 

"You're a bastard." You groaned, wishing you could just lay down and wake up from this nightmare of pain and terror. "You're terrible and I hate you. So much." You panted, dropping the dagger. It rolled on the dirt beside you. 

Once he had you set back up where he could see properly he began the more painful process of removing the splinters. You doubted any monsters in the dark would come lurking with the sounds you made.

"For some fucked up hands they do delicate work." You ground out through your teeth. He paused for just a second. A sharper pain than normal twisted through the wing. You laughed slightly at that, despite the pain. 

"Well- for some fucked up wing you sure do have a mouth still." He chided back. "I told you to just stay put and you crawl ten feet away. And get dirt under your feathers on top of that." He sounded like he was smiling. 

"I didn't know you were such a neat freak, Shadowsinger." He huffed a laugh, continuing to patch you up.

"My mother was. My actual mother." He said softly. He was solemn for a moment. You wished you could see his face as he spoke. "My step mother's children are the ones who did this to my hands." His voice was near a whisper. You nodded, causing a shooting pain through your back and the area he worked on. "If I have to tell you to hold still again I'll just knock you out." He warned, putting a hand on your shoulder.

+ Once he was satisfied with his work, he stepped back and helped you fold your wings in. It was stiff. It felt like a part of you had been cut off. An unusable part that acted only to slow you down. You despised it. The pain radiated through to your back once you pulled them in. Fear struck you at that. Weakly, you turned to him. 

"I cant-" You bit back tears. You hated the words as they came out. "I cant fly." You muttered, your throat tightening. 

Silently, he held a hand out to you. An invitation. 

He was even more delicate while flying, gliding on the air as much as possible and keeping your weight balanced so you wouldn't jostle your injury too much. It was still uncomfortable. The base camp was miles away, with differing terrain. You hadn't realised how far it was until you were overhead and couldn't see the light from the camp anymore.

"I'm going to call you feathers after this." He said, the air around you almost drowning him out as he flew as quickly as he could. The pain spiked at the pinch of folding them in, but it wasn't as unbearable. 

On the brink of sleep, you trudged your mind back awake to respond to him. "What do you mean?" You groaned, letting your head fall on to his shoulder. Exhaustion was quickly sweeping over you. A glance up at him and you saw the worry in his features. He pinched the back of your thigh slightly, provoking you.

"Feathers seem like a pain in the ass. Going around them, cleaning them, trying to... maneuver them?" He adjusted his grip on you slightly, pulling you closer. His heart hammered in his chest, you could hear it. "Stay awake for me, asshole." He was gliding lower now, his words were clipped.

"Tell Rhysand..." You groaned as he circled the healers tent "Fuck you." You panted, moaning in pain while he offloaded you on to the healers table. Medics surrounded you in a heartbeat. He began filling them in on the injury. Azriel did not leave your side the rest of the night.

[samanthadalton]

Star Crossed Lovers (part 14)

Do my eyes deceive me???? part 14???? we did it. im so sorry its taken forever, i will try my best to be more consistent with my writing. love yall for being patient with me it means the most. thank you, thank you. 

warnings: throughout this fic there will be mentions of substance abuse, homophobia, sexual abuse, violence, NSFW, mentions of abandonment, depression and death including suicide

reader discretion is advised

warnings: angst, swearing (lots of it) 

taglist: @drmmyrs @cloud9in @somewillwin @save-me-the-last-dance @baexpoppy @stanzoeywade @ognenniyvolk @thepotatobleh @crazzyplays @fall3ngods @helpconfusedpersonhere @clowneryme @dopeyouth @boys-girls-i-cant-help-it-baby @vonda-b-real @uselesslesbianfr @veenast @cloakanddaggerthings @somethindarker (sorry again if ive missed anyone, if you wanna be added on this taglist or my general one just let me know 😊) 

word count: 4k (i feel like its short considering how long it took me to write but i still hope you guys enjoy) (also i didnt check for grammatical errors properly so sorry if you find any) 

part 1 part 2 part 3 part 4 part 5 part 6 part 7 part 8 part 9 part 10 part 11 part 12 part 13

The first steps to moving on 

“Bea please,” Poppy whispers, a repentant look creeping up to her face as she looks away from her girlfriend. “It can’t wait.” 

Bea sighs, her shoulders slumping as the last remains of her anger disseminates from her body. “Okay fine, lead the way babe.” 

Poppy stiffens that the pet name but she doesn’t let her awkwardness slip as she leads Bea to a secluded classroom, far away from prying eyes. Both her and Bea turn to look at each other, and both simultaneously open their mouths to talk. 

“I know you wanted to tell-” 

“We need to talk-” 

Both clamp their lips shut, a mutual smile playing on their lips as they look at one another. 

“You go first,” Poppy gestures towards Bea, as she moves to sit on the edge of a desk. 

Bea inhales softly, her tongue darts out licking her lips as she looks down at the ground, her face calculating. “Why does Chloe hate me?” She looks up to Poppy, her eyes boring into the strawberry blonde’s, sadness swimming inside of them, “I just don’t get what I’ve done for her to hate me.” 

Poppy sighs heavily, her eyes awkwardly darting away from Bea’s. “It’s complicated Bea.” 

“Complicated?” Bea lets out a humourless laugh, “I almost just went off on Chloe after she gave her condolences for my mom dying because I just felt she wasn’t genuine and you wanna tell me it's complicated?” 

Poppy sharply inhales, contemplating for a few moments before saying, “it’s because of your mom.” 

Bea scrunches her brows up in confusion, “my mom? What the hell does she have to do with this?” 

Poppy ineptly plays with her hands, not being able to look Bea in her eyes, “at first it was just a classist thing. When you first came to Belvoire, she just wanted to make herself feel superior over you, but in the last year you’ve noticed her getting more mean right?” 

“Right.” Bea stares at Poppy, her expression emotionless. 

“Chloe’s parents have been fighting non stop recently, and it’s been affecting her a lot.” 

Bea’s brows furrow in confusion, “what does that have to do with me or my mom?” 

“Just let me explain first before you react, please.” Bea’s eyes bore into Poppy’s for a few seconds before she nods understandingly. “Her dad cheated on her mom. A lot of times actually. But he was blackmailed by one of the women he slept with.” Poppy pauses for a few seconds, “your mom.” 

Bea lets out a shaky breath, her eyes blinking in disbelief, “no, you’re lying.” 

Poppy nervously bites her bottom lip, “look Bea-” 

“How long have you known?”

Poppy’s face scrunches up in anger, “this isn’t my fault Bea. I only found out that day I went to talk to Chloe about us. Chloe made me promise not to say anything to you-” 

“Poppy! My mom OD and I don’t even know why. And now you’re telling me she was blackmailing the St James family and it doesn’t occur to you that might have had something to do with her death?” 

“They’re not the fucking mafia Bea, jesus. They were trying to settle it quietly by giving your mom some money and make her sign some stuff so she couldn't threaten them anymore.” 

The devastating ramification of Poppy’s admission hangs in the air as the two girls let the words settle into them. “Chloe really is sorry about your mom Bea, we all are.” 

Bea sighs, staring off into space, as a few tears begin to fill up in her eyes. “I just don’t know what to do.” Bea begins sniffling, but Poppy makes no movement to console her girlfriend. Bea notices and her expression sobers, “so, uh what did you wanna tell me?” Bea sniffs a few more times, before looking up at Poppy, giving her a small encouraging smile. 

Poppy looks away, guilt creeping up on her face, as she tries her damndest not to catch Bea’s small smile on her face. “Bea…”. Bea carefully assesses her girlfriend’s demeanour, noticing the similar body language during when they first asked to take a break, she thinks back to the last couple of days, she had barely heard from her girlfriend, and now she’s not affectionate, even after she almost had a mental breakdown in the middle of the hallway and her smile drops. “We have to break up,” Poppy says, her tone so monotone and dry as if she didn’t mean the words she was saying at all. 

“I don’t understand,” is all Bea can muster, evidently hurt by Poppy’s admission. Poppy winces slightly at Bea’s tone, finally breaking her robotic demeanour as she lets out a few sniffles. “So is that it? We have to break up,” Bea retorts mockingly, “is that all I get after all these years?” 

“Bea..” Poppy reaches out but Bea immediately takes a step back, tears flooding in her eyes. 

“No,” she holds her hands up, “I don’t get it, things are going good, or at least whatever twisted definition of good we’ve made up. Where the hell did this come from?” 

“Bea my dad-” 

“Of course! Hayden Min fucking Sinclair had something to do with this. Why do you still live under his shadow? You talk all this shit about breaking out of your father’s prison and wanting to achieve your own goals but he sucks you back in.” 

“That’s not fair Bea,” Poppy interjects, balling her hands up into fists in an attempt to subdue her trembling, “my dad has given me so much and he’s threatening to take it all away.” 

“Yeah, all you have to do is get rid of me. Me or the Min Sinclair name.” 

“Bea this is the life I have, okay I’m not like you, I’m not built like you.” 

“So what? I can grow up without a dad and now without a mom but it’s okay because I’m used to pain and disappointment?” 

“I didn’t mean it like that, you have a plan, things you can achieve, I need the Min Sinclair name, I’m nothing without it.” 

“Wow.” Bea shakes her head, “So I just meant nothing?” Bea wildy throws her arms in the air, anger bubbling under the surface of her demeanour. “We’ve practically been together since we were kids. And you’re just gonna fucking throw that away? And for what? Fuck you Poppy.” 

Poppy takes half a step back, dumbfounded by Bea’s outburst. She scrunches her brows, evidently hurt, “you don’t get it Bea. Even though your mom wasn’t the best, she still supported you, even if you didn’t know about it. My dad he- my mom what would she think?” 

“Your mom? Poppy what kind of shit is your dad brainwashing you with? Your mom is dead! You have no idea how she would react to having a gay daughter, but I know she’s probably disappointed in you.” 

“Fuck you Bea.”Poppy runs out of the classroom, tears streaming down her face, leaving Bea on her own. 

“Shit,” Bea whispers to herself before throwing a bunch of punches at the wall, each more cathartic than the last until she can’t physically hold herself up anymore. Bea defeatedly slides into a chair, cradling her head in between her hands, letting the tears free fall, as reality begins setting in that she lost the one thing in the world that was her everything. Poppy Min Sinclair was her rock, the girl who she gave her heart to, the love of her life and just in a matter of moments it was over. Maybe it was too good to be true. The beautiful, perky popular rich girl and the girl who had almost nothing, complete polar opposites, it never should’ve worked. But time and time again when faced against the world they persevered so why was this time different? Poppy had chosen her namesake over the love of her life. She chose the life of glitz and glamour over the girl who gave her her entire heart. Bea feels her entire world crashing down, how much more heartbreak could she take? Was her life always going to be so hard? So full of hurt? Full of pain? She winces at the thought, her head hammering as she comes to the realisation that she understood her mother’s pain more than she thought. 

…. 

Bea hops off her bike, parking it in front of her house, as she pulls her phone out to look at the time. ‘It’s lunch time,’ she thinks to herself. After the day she had today, school wasn’t the best option for her right now. She makes her way to her front door but stops in her tracks when she realises her front door is slightly ajar. Her survival instincts kick in as she effortlessly pulls out her pocket knife, carefully pushing the door fully open. As she steps into the living room, her eyes dart to the closed door of her mother’s room, but when she hears a creaking sound coming towards her bedroom, she cautiously moves towards the source of the noise, the grip on her knife tightening. As she creeps up, she sees the door of her room half opened, a hooded figure standing by her bed with their back facing her. 

Bea stealthily sneaks up to the figure placing the knife a few inches from their throat before lowering her voice to a threatening tone, “who are you and what the fuck are you doing?” The figure gasps, dropping a bag that’s in their hands with a deafening thud before raising their hands in a sign of surrender. 

“It’s me, it’s me,” the voice whimpers out. 

“AJ?” Bea raises her eyebrows, retracting the knife from his throat while pulling down his hood with her other hand. “What the fuck are you doing?” Bea takes a step back while AJ scrambles grabbing the bag he just dropped moments before. When he turns to face Bea, his eyes are wide, filled with fear as he clutches the bag closely to his chest. 

“I have to go,” he says as he attempts to run out of the room, but Bea pulls him back, her face crumpled in suspicion. 

“No we’re not doing this, give me the bag now,” Bea snatches the bag out of his hands before he can protest and opens the zipper to find it filled with cash. She grits her teeth, anger settling into her features as she whips her head up to AJ, “is this my fucking money?” 

“Bea, I- I can explain-” 

“What the fuck AJ!” Bea throws the bag onto the bed, the cash spilling out as she jabs an accusing finger at AJ’s chest. “You’re stealing from me now? I haven’t seen you in god knows how long, you don’t call, text nothing. Even after everything that’s been happening in the last few weeks but you have the audacity to fucking steal from me? Money that I’ve spent years saving? Money that I’ve bussed my fucking ass off for, are you serious right now?” Bea’s voice is filled with rage as she’s practically screaming, her voice now thundering. AJ winces, guiltily averting his gaze to the ground, unable to meet Bea’s eyes. 

“I’m sorry about your mom Bea, I wanted to visit-” AJ croaks out.

“But you didn’t,” Bea interjects, her voice lowered but filled with hurt. “And now you’re taking money- I mean what is so important you had to steal from me.” 

AJ paces towards the bed, hanging his head in shame, when he speaks his voice is quiet, full of fear, “I’m in some bad shit Bea. These guys aren’t playing around.” 

“I told you not to fall into the wrong crowd, I warned you this shit would happen.” 

“Bea please, I’ll pay you back I just need it.” 

“No! What the fuck, when will you pay me back huh? This is my college money, I’m not letting you give that away to your crackhead friends.” 

“Bea please,” AJ clasps his hands together, his tone pleading, “I don’t know what to do.” 

“AJ I have too much shit on my plate right now, I can’t deal with this. You need to find something else, I can’t help you.” 

AJ’s face pales but he stands up, and makes his way towards the door, before leaving he turns to look back at Bea, “I’m sorry about everything.” 

Bea keeps her eyes trained on her bed where the money is sprawled all over the mattress, “yeah me too,” she replies quietly. Bea hears the front door close and she collapses to the ground, letting the tears flow. 

……

A few days later, Bea sits in her dark living room, curtains shut and lights completely off as she wallows in her sadness, drinking from a bottle of cheap beer, as she stares absentmindedly at the ceiling, so drowned in her thoughts she doesn’t hear the resounding knocks on her door until she hears a voice call out, “Bea! Are you there?” 

Bea crumples her brows, forcing herself to stand as she makes her way to the door, she wearily makes her way to her front door only slightly opening the door before poking her head out. “Veronica?” Veronica gives the girl a wide smile before pushing the door more open, ushering the figure behind her into the house too, “Carter? What are you guys doing here?’ 

Veronica looks around the dark room, noticing the pile of empty beer bottles on the floor, “yikes, drinking on your own on a friday night Hughes? That’s really sad.” Carter stands near the edge of the living room, as if he’s an explorer, his eyes darting all over the living room as he assesses this new environment. 

Bea on the other hand scowls at Veronica, “what the hell do you want Veronica, I’m not in the mood.” 

Veronica frowns slightly, pouting her lips together, “we heard about you and Poppy.” 

Bea rolls her eyes, “yeah well I’m trying to forget about her.” Bea picks up her beer bottle from the ground and makes a show by exaggeratingly drinking from the bottle until it's empty. She discards the empty bottle along with the other ones before turning to look at Veronica and Carter, “so if you’ll excuse me.” 

Veronica steps towards Bea, wrapping her hand around the brunette’s arm, “we’re not here for Poppy stupid, we’re here for you.” 

Bea raises an eyebrow, “for me?” 

Veronica turns to look at Carter, beckoning him forward, Carter breaks out of reverie and clears his throat, “yeah uh, we wanted to take you to a party.” 

“A party?” Bea looks between them confused, “I’m not that interested guys.”

“Wait, wait, wait Bea,” Veronica pleads, pulling Bea closer to her, “you’ve never been to a Belvoire party and the year is almost over, we thought we should take you to at least.” 

“I don’t know guys,” Bea says skeptically, “a lot of people don’t like me.” 

“Who gives a shit? You just had your heart broken and you need to let loose.” 

Bea sighs, pulling away from Veronica, “I don’t think it’s a good idea.” 

“Come on, it beats drinking in the dark on your own.” 

Bea sighs, dropping her shoulders, “what about uh Poppy?” 

“Poppy?” Veronica arches a brow, “her and Chloe are staying in tonight, she said she needed to catch up on homework or something.” 

Bea purses her lips together in thought before sighing,  “fine.” Veronica cheers, “but,” Bea over enunciates, “only for a few hours and if I don’t like it I’m going home.” 

“Okay, deal,” Veronica squeals, wrapping Bea in a big hug. Carter chuckles as Veronica gestures for him to join the hug, he awkwardly wraps his arms around the two girls, before pulling away. 

“Okay, I’ll wait in the car while you girls get ready. Just uh don’t take too long.”

Veronica playfully rolls her eyes as she Bea towards her bedroom, yelling back “thanks Carter.” Giddy, she rushes to Bea’s closest, assessing her clothes until she finds a short red dress hidden in the back. “This!” 

“No, no, no,” Bea shakes her head, pulling the dress out of the ombre-haired girl’s hands. 

“Why not? It would look so hot on you,” Veronica’s eyes trail down Bea’s body, as she sharply inhales. “Bea, you’re single and sexy, stop holding yourself back okay?” 

“I’m not,” Bea pushes back defensively, “I just-” she sighs heavily, “no one at Belvoire has ever seen me dressed up, I’m just- I’m nervous I guess.” 

“Then we have to show them what they’ve been missing for the last three years,” Veronica gives Bea a devilish smile as she takes the dress from Bea’s hands, sliding the dress off the hanger before handing it over to Bea. 

“Uh you gonna stay in the room?” Bea nervously wrings her hands together. 

“Why, are you offering a show?” Veronica lifts a teasing brow, noticing Bea’s cheeks redden slightly, which prompts her to let out a small laugh, “I’m kidding, don’t worry I won’t look.” Veronica makes a show of raising her hands to cover her eyes. Bea laughs as she slips out of her clothes and into the dress, she awkwardly clears her throat, grabbing Veronica’s attention. 

“Hey, uh help a girl out with her zipper?” 

“Sure,” Veronica moves to stand behind Bea, her hands ghosting around Bea’s exposed back, her breath momentarily taken away. She sturdies herself and places one of her hands on the small of the brunette’s back while the other moves towards the zipper, zipping the girl up. Bea smooths the dress down with her hands appreciating herself in the mirror, “you look gorgeous,” Veronica whispers into the shell of her ear. 

Bea’s face completely flushes red and slightly jerks at Veronica’s admission, “uhh thanks.” 

Veronica notices the awkward shift in the atmosphere, and promptly changes the subject, “so where’s your sister?” 

Bea sits in front of her mirror, a comb in her hand as she brushes her long locks, “she’s staying at a friend’s tonight.” 

“Cool,” Veronica answers back but her tone falls flat. The girls bask in the awkward silence as Bea continues to get ready but when Veronica notices Bea struggling to do her winged eyeliner she breaks the silence. “Hey do you need help?” 

Bea smiles bashfully, “yeah.” She rubs the back of her head with her hand, “sorry Poppy used to help me with my makeup.” 

“Right,” Veronica’s face slightly falls but she quickly covers it up, ushering Bea to come and sit on the bed. “Come on, I don’t bite,” Veronica bites the bottom of her lip, “unless you want me too.” Bea laughs but obliges sitting on the edge of the bed. Veronica clambers onto her lap, her thighs settling on the sides of Bea’s legs, and in response, Bea’s eyes widen in surprise but she remains glued in her spot, too shocked to move. 

“V, what are you doing?” Bea whispers, her voice attempting to come across as reprimanding but it comes out as breathy. 

“Relax, I’m just doing your eyeliner.” Veronica plucks the wand from Bea’s hand and angles herself close to the brunette’s face, as she begins drawing on the wings on Bea’s eyelids. Bea steadies herself, as she feels the heat of Veronica’s body so close to hers and when Veronica is finished with putting the finishing touches on her eyelids, she hops off Bea’s lap, making her way towards the desk, scuffling through Bea’s makeup bag before taking up her place on Bea’s lap once again. “Now I think this colour would look good on you,” 

“You don’t think it’s too much red?” 

“Oh babe, red means power, dominance, you don’t wanna be thinking about Poppy the entire night, you wanna have all eyes on you Bea Hughes.” Veronica uncaps the lipstick, her eyes burning into Bea’s lips as she carefully applies the red colour to her lips. “Perfect.” 

Bea smacks her lips together, evenly spreading the red on her lips. “Thanks V.” 

Veronica’s eyes dart to Bea’s lips, her tongue slightly running along her bottom lips before she breaks out of her reverie flashing Bea a smirk, “don’t thank me yet, thank me when you’re having the time of your life at the party.” Veronica slides off Bea’s lap, holding her hand out, “come on let’s finish up because Carter’s been waiting for a while.” Bea smiles up at Veronica, taking her hand as she lets the ombre-haired girl pull her off the bed, as they continue getting ready. 

………

Once they arrive at the party, Carter drops the girls off at the front of the huge house before telling them he will park the car. Veronica’s gaze darts to Bea, who’s nervously toying with her hands, looking up at the intimidating house, the lights blaring and as the music echoes throughout, the bass thumping in their ears. Noticing the nerves settling into her, Veronica slips into Bea's, giving her a reassuring squeeze, “hey, it’s okay, it’s just a bunch of drunk, preppy uptight teenagers, nothing you don't usually face everyday.” 

Bea lets out a small laugh, “just in a big ass house,” she jests. 

“Yeah, just in a big ass house,” she gives Bea a light squeeze as she starts pulling Bea into the house with her. Automatically, they’re met with stares and whispers, as the students look astonished at Bea, some appraising her outfit, while others are confused about her presence. “Hey, just stay with me okay?” Veronica whispers over to Bea. Bea nods, her eyes roaming the room. “I’ll get us drinks.” The ombre-haired girl gives Bea a reassuring pat on her arm and leaves her side and Bea walks into the living room, observing the difference between the vibes of the party between the north and the south. Her thoughts then move to think about Poppy, how Poppy would love going to parties in the north but Bea couldn’t find the appeal in it. Poppy. Poppy, who broke up with her. She’s interrupted from her thoughts by a tap of her shoulder, and Bea turns around to see Veronica offering her a red solo cup, Bea takes a sip and winces. 

“What the hell is this crap?” 

“Yeah for a bunch of rich kids, their taste in beer isn’t the best,” Veronica jokes, slightly nudging Bea. 

“We have way better beer in the south side.” 

“That I can agree with.” Veronica looks over to Bea who looks lost in thought, “hey what are you thinking about?” 

Bea sighs heavily, “Poppy,” she mutters. 

Veronica nods once, “right, yeah.” 

“Poppy would’ve loved a party like this, big fancy house an-” 

“Bea,” Veronica says, her tone slightly agitated, “this,” she gestures around the room, “is a no Poppy zone. That means we don’t think about Poppy, only about fun.” 

Bea nods, “fun. I can do that.” Veronica lifts her cup in the air, “what are we cheering to?” 

Veronica gives Bea a smile, “here’s to the first steps in moving on.” The girls tap their cups together before downing their drinks. “Now if we wanna get drunk, we’re gonna need a lot more of these.” 

The party is still ongoing, and Bea sits in a circle with a few girls from the volleyball team and a few of the football team and other people she doesn’t recognise while Veronica sits beside her. 

“Bea you look so pretty,” one of her teammates says. 

“Yeah Bea your makeup is literally gorgeous,” another chimes in. 

“Who knew strip tease can clean up well,” Ford jests, but Bea slumps her shoulders a little, remembering that these people are not her friends. 

Carter enters the circle slapping Ford on the head as he goes, “shut up, Hughes is cool.” Bea gives Carter a nod of appreciation before looking down at the drink in her hands. Her thoughts move a million miles a minute, but there’s a constant one stuck in her brain, Poppy.

Veronica looks over at Bea, frowning. “Hey come with me.” She stands, excusing herself from the group and Bea follows her close behind. 

“Where are we going?” 

“We’re gonna play a private game of truth or drink.” 

[homieswithhades]

why steve rogers returning to the past was wrong

disclaimer: im clearly a stucky enthusiast, but please, do not be thrown off by that. i admit, there may be undertones of bias because of that in the following, but i did my best with trying to lay out the facts and draw logical conclusions, so do please give me a chance. also, i may have accidentaly omitted some moments and some quotes may not be 100% word for word, as my memory lowkey sucks. ALSO this is NOT a peggy hate post!! i think shes a dope and underrated character and quite frankly she was done dirty. but i also definitely h8 the trope of badass woman falls for the hero.

first and foremost, every sane person knows endgame was complete and utter bullshit when dealing with steves character, so this post will be more for you to maybe show (and hopefully convince) some stubborn friend or family member. nice, concise (not) and including proof from the movies (+a few tweets and stucky undertones, if u dont fw that i respect it but bucky is an integral part to steves character regardless of how u interpret their relationship) here is why steves character development was thrown away at the end of endgame.

let us begin at looking at the cap trilogy.

in ca:tfa it should be noted that steve had no one to return to in the 40s, except bucky. i believe steves relationship with peggy was no where near as developed as it should have been to elicit him returning exclusively for her. as we are aware, steves driving force has absolutely always been bucky. bucky was there for steve after his parents died, when he was sick, and always protected him from whatever trouble he got himself into. "until the end of the line" right? steves relationship with peggy was forced and short lived, literally, we're talking a matter of months here. i need to keep emphasising the important disparity between bucky and peggy, as it is absolutely key in this whole argument. steve dropped everything and went against every order just to even attempt to save bucky. even the slightest chance of him surviving being captured was enough for steve to break into a hydra camp and free the 107th division. steve even had the chance to capture zola, one of the main villains and masterminds of the war, but again, steve prioritised bucky. when theyre trying to escape the exploding hydra camp, the exchange between steve and bucky is critical. steve says "go! get out of here!" as all he wanted was bucky escaping safely. he put bucky's life over his own (this wasnt the first time he did this, nor the last) but bucky rooted himself to the spot, and yelled back "no, not without you!". they both escaped safely as we know, and then steve gathers the howling commandos to take down the red skull. bucky then falls off the train, nd steve blames himself for his death, even visibly crying over it twice. steves morals went from "i dont wanna kill anyone. i dont like bullies, i dont care where theyre from" before buckys death, to "i wont stop until all of hydra are dead or captured" after. stuff happens and steve defeats the red skull and is now in control of the flying ship with the bombs. he connects the comms with peggy and she tries to convince him theres another way to disarm the ship. steve was so dedicated at that point he didnt even want to hear it. he didnt even attempt to do anything to ensure his survival. this alone proves, peggy was not important enough to him to return to.

next is ca:tws. The stevebucky movie. in the museum, peggy confirms that steve saved the man from the 107th division who eventually became her husband (steve was never in the 107th, just to clarify) i believe her husbands name was daniel sousa (as revealed in the marvels agents of shield show) steve then finds out peggy is alive and talks to her. she, in short, tells him she's lived her life, and it was his turn to live his in the time hes in. the "my best girl" line was unnecessary and out of place; again, steve barely knew her. again, shit goes down, and steve finds out the winter soldier is bucky and immediately drops everything, and becomes dead set on saving him. not killing, not imprisoning, but saving him. no matter the cost. "he saw me, and he didnt even know me" "hes not the kind you save, hes the kind you stop. he won't recognise you" "he will." god, steve KNEW bucky would recognise him. regardless of the brainwashing, steve managed to break through the barrier hydra fought so hard to drill into buckys mind. nothing ever broke him out of that state exept for steve. "im not gonna fight you, youre my friend." "youre my mission" "then finish it. cos im with you till the end of the line." [[good fucking lord let me break out of my essay-esque semi professional format here and just say how fucking heartbreaking those lines are. oh my god. read them, over and over until it hits you.]] steve shows us again, that he is willing to not only die for bucky, but literally die by his hand. he would let bucky kill him. he'd dropped his shield. he didnt fight back. steve always, always, ALWAYS got up and fought back. always. exept that time. the time bucky could have killed him. that scene is the essence of "im with you till the end of the line" because then, it was true. it was true because steve was okay with dying at buckys mercy. theres a difference between sacrificing yourself for the greater good (steve going into the ice), willing to die for someone (steve risking his life multiple times in attempts to save bucky) and finally, being willing to let someone kill you, because you love and trust them so much (hellicarier scene). the difference between peggy and bucky's relationship to steve is that steve may be willing to die for either, but only willing to be killed by one. not to mention, bucky pulled steve from the river. he recognised him. steve broke through 70 years of brainwashing with such impact it literally drove bucky away from hydra out of his own free will.

in between ca:tws and ca:cw its confirmed (im p sure sam says it) that him and steve looked for bucky for two. years. even off screen, bucky was steves priority.

im going to squeeze in 2 points from from age of ultron here, for chronology's sake:

steves worst nightmare, as portayed in the movie, is LITERALLY going back to the 40s and being stuck there (with peggy too??lmfao) and also the quote "family, stability, the man who wanted all that went in the ice 75 years ago. i think another one came out." objectively confirms that steve isn't the man he used to be, and doesnt want to return to the past. aou may have sucked, but that doesn't mean the character development should be thrown away.

ca:cw. hoo boy. steve went against 117 countries and half of his closest friends and colleagues because he believed bucky was innocent of the bombing of the un conference. god, steve quite literally, did everything to defend and protect bucky. though i shall acknowledge that steve did attend peggy's funeral, however, there was no real connotations there other than the fact he was mourning her death (understabdibly so). steve then proceeds to protect bucky for 2 hours 27 mins and 41 seconds to the point where they escape together to siberia after the airport fight. "i dont know if im worth all this steve" "what you did all those years... it wasnt you. you didnt have a choice." "i know. but i did it" again, absolutely heartbreaking quotes if you read it a couple of times and truly understand the meaning of them. steve somewhat indirectly tells bucky yes, yes he is worth all of this. otherwise, he wouldn't be doing it. a quote to support that would be "for the longest time, i always did what i thought was right." (disclaimer this is not a direct quote i deadass couldnt find it to save my life, i belive steve said it at some point during civil war or tws, but the point is, bucky is the only thing that could have shaken steves morals so intensely.) and finally, the most important part of cw, the fight at the end with tony. bucky and steve constantly protected each other. steve kept fighting because he was fighting for bucky. to keep him safe from tony and the world. he got up, time and time again. "i can do this all day." the fact that he said that to tony, some people consider them the closest of friends, proves again, a million times over, bucky is more important to steve than literally anything else, INCLUDING his shield. his mantle. he dropped it and left it like it was nothing, because his priority was bucky. as always.

theres not much to discuss for infinity war other than their hug whicg was honestly just adorable.

mmmmm endgame. i will not go into how much i hate that movie because it would be a rant quintuple the length of this one. in the support group, steve dead ass fucking says "you gotta move on. you gotta move on" and that sentiment was literally forgotten at the end. my main point for endgame is this. people tend to tell me, the reason steve abandoned bucky and went back to be with peggy is because he knew that he was finally safe. :/. if you had half a braincell youd know that's not true. the steve we know, never would have left bucky for good, ESPECIALLY after the "dont do anything stupid until i get back" exchange [[god i want to beat the shit out of the r*ssos]] mostly because, bucky had fucking no one in the time he was living in!!! no family, no friends and most heartbreakingly, no one he could trust. (yes sam was there but were just seeing their friendship develop now in tfatws, all that wasnt there in endgame) and secondly, what made steve think bucky was entirely safe??? half of the worlds population just suddenly reappeared, which as we see now, there were massive consequences for that. i simply believe steve is not that stupid. steve going back was disrespectful not only to his character, but to bucky AND peggy. most importantly, the steve we've been watching since 2011 would NEVER abandon bucky, no matter how safe he thought he was (he visited him frequently in wakanda, the safest place on the planet arguably ffs) especially for such a dumbass and quite frankly, nonsensical reason as going back to be with peggy, who clearly stated to him she moved on, and so should he (which he did. idk endgame writers prolly didnt watch the previous movies :/) its not even debatable. bucky is more important to steve than peggy. even in terms of screentime.

now allow some tweets to speak for me, this one being the absolute most important one:

ladies and gentlefolk, all of the stuff ive said can be summarised in that last line. "it would be contrary to who he is."

heres some more:

and now finally, id like to briefly mention steve and tfatws, so beware of spoilers (writing this as of ep 4 coming out; praying it doesn't age badly)

bucky mentions steve, unprompted, fucking constantly. he clearly isnt over steve leaving, and im hoping that gets acknowledged and talked out in the show.

in conclusion, tl:dr, steve shouldn't have returned to the past and stayed there, it is contrary to who he is, as shown to us through his trilogy and other appearances in the mcu. not to mention the timeline bullshit in endgame makes zero sense in the first place.

[wizkiddx]

was thinking for toms most recent ig story it sounds like hes working out early everyday, what if u did a blurb where the reader does it with his and its like best friend --> something else ? sounded like a you type of story, id love if you gave it a go ❤️💕

oohkay so sorry this lit just came through this evening and I suddenly got v stupidly into it (if u put in a req before that I promise I am working on it I just got way to invested cos this is stupidly cute) xxxx

summary: what starts off as tom taking you under his wing and some sunrise workouts together might just develop into something more

“It shouldn’t be legal…. to be doing anything… this fucking early!” Spoken, well yelled, in between the fake strokes of the exercise bike and your pants. All you got in response was the two men laughing at you, no sign of sympathy at all, as your gritted your teeth - fighting against every body instinct to stop the movements. Your heart was pumping like the clappers; breathing shallow and rushed and your arms… your arms felt like they were about to fall off. Combine that with the lack of sleep from waking up before the sun did at 5 am - meant you felt like your were in literal hell.  

Why ever you’d agreed to do these workouts with Tom and Duffy escaped you. Being the new and rising actress, with a new supporting role in the next Spiderman, meant you’d spent a lot of time with Tom over the past few weeks. Not to inflate his ego either, but Tom had been a real life hero to you. See, you were the complete opposite of his experienced and seasoned professionalism - this was your first acting gig. And what a gig it was, the second biggest part in a Marvel movie. You never really believed you’d get the part and even when you did, were pretty sure it was some elaborate joke, where Ant and Dec were going to jump out from some corner and go ‘ha its a prank!’ or something. 

Yet somehow it was all still happening, you had been flown halfway across the world to spend three months alone on a film set. Well obviously not alone, but you knew no one - you were a complete outsider. That, really, was the reason you’d agreed to do these sessions with Tom. He’d offered half heartedly while between takes as you were moaning about how out of breath you got in that scene. At that point, you’d only known each other for a matter of weeks, he really hadn’t expected you to commit to 5 am each and every morning. What he wasn’t aware of though, was how ocmplerly stranded and lonely you felt here, hence why you jumped at his offer. 

And yes you loved to moan and complain when you were there, however you were also so incredibly thankful he ever offered. Duffy, Tom’s PT, was a right laugh too and he took great joy in torturing you - and was also entertained by the new and inventive ways you’d insult him after he ordered you about. 

“Come on Y/n, 200m more and then we are done, even your little arms can survive that.”

“Really … not the encouragement… I was looking for.” Still panting, face bright red and blotchy as you pressed your legs straight again.

“Tom? You wanna help Y/n out?” 

“Nah you know… kind of enjoying seeing her in pain.” The British voice laughed from somewhere behind you, making you roll your eyes.

“Why the hell… are you not… torturing him?” He sounded way to comfortable and relaxed to be working hard. 

“He’s got a stunt heavy day today so wanted to go easy this morning.”

Now that was a bloody joke. You were BOTH filming the SAME scene today, doing the SAME stunts. 

“Did I forget to mention Y/n is on set too?” The joy in Tom’s voice made you want to do horrible things to him. Even though you felt like you wanted to collapse on the floor, you’d happily do a set or two on a punch bag right now - if that punch bag was Tom’s face. 

Before you could hurl some fresh abuse at your costar, Duffy called time on the rowing machine, turning the display off and passing your water bottle over as you slouched on the slidey seat. 

“Done good Y/n/n, I am actually super impressed with your progress” The stocky man patted you on the back genuinely, bringing a bit of smile to your otherwise grimacing face. He went over the chat to Tom about some boy shit that you couldn’t care less about, allowing you a couple minutes to get your breath back. As soon as you did and tried to dismount the machine of death, your ruined legs seemed to have other plans, shakily buckling so you ended up starfished on the floor, groaning at the dull ache that came with the sudden movement. 

And what show of concern did Duffy show you? A belly laugh that echoed round Toms indoor gym making you groan again, throwing your forearm over your eyes. It was in fact the curly haired brunette, who came and knelt by your side, wordlessly balling up the towel and placing it under your head as you shot your eyes open in shock. 

“You okay? Sorry… I might’ve taken our friendly competition a bit too far.”

“I just… just might have to gain the power of flight this afternoon cos my legs aren’t gonna bloody work.” Tom chuckled and shook his head at your dry humour. 

“Oh I’m sure we can talk to Jon and get that arranged… not like Marvel don’t spend years crafting the script and storyline for a newbie actor to change it all.”

“Might I remind you… they wouldn’t have to if your weren’t such a dickhead!” You exclaimed, sitting up and staring at him with an exasperated look than only made him burst out laughing again. 

“I’m sorry I’m sorry… I just cant take you seriously when you look like such a tomato!” His voice went an octave higher as he laughed at himself, the situation getting even worse for you when you heard Duffy join in too. 

The boy was bloody lucky you couldn’t lift your arms right now, otherwise they’s almost certainly be attempting to ruin his pretty boy face. 

/////////////////////////////

After a long day of shooting you and Tom were in one of the set buggies, being taken back to your trailers to change for the evening. There was a peaceful silence until Tom ruined it yet again.

“ Got any fancy plans for this evening then?”

“Well you know me, back to my lonely little old place and  frozen pizza - so living the movie star life.” 

“It’s a Friday! You not going out with your team or anything?” He sounded so bemused at your quiet plans, and mention of a ‘team’ had you cocking your head to the side. 

“‘My team?’ Tom until I get my movie star pay check I can barely afford my pizzas, never mind a whole persons wage.” You were still only three weeks into filming and although you spent an hour every other morning sweating your ass off with Tom - apart from that you’d tried not to impose yourself on him too much. You didnt want to look clingy and naturally Tom always had a mountain of people vying for his attention - you would go to the back of a long line. So honestly, you were still a bit of a mystery to him, right now you’d both only scratched the surface on each other. 

“Really? I know this is your first big job but I thought you’d have someone here?” 

“Nah… I mean I’ve kinda clung to the Marty on the camera crew but he’s going to see family tonight sooo.”

“Come back to mine. I’ve swapped Harry for his twin Sam, which is a bit of an upgrade cos Sam’s a chef. He just arrived last night. I bet he can one up any pizza you were planning on.”

“Honestly I don’t want to impose, sorry I didnt mean for this to be a pity party or-“ The buggy slowed to a stop and Tom instantly vaulted out of it, standing right infront of you and blocking you exist off the back sofa. Both of you were still in costume, Tom in latex and you in your corset-esque two piece, but then both wrapped in matching long line black jackets supplied by set. 

“No come on I’m serious… Sam’s dying to meet you and it’d be good to spend more time together. You know, cos of chemistry and all.” The last bit was a switch from his cool and smooth, normally easy going tone - into something a bit more… anxious? Just like that, before your brain even knew what it was doing, you agreed, smiling broadly and nodding. 

So barely an hour later, you were knocking on the doors to Tom’s mansion-ish rented Atlanta home which was much much more grand than what the studio had arranged for you. Even though you were here most mornings, this time it felt different. Yeh it was stupid, but you can’t help the way you feel and you were stressed. For no real reason… just, just because. 

Thankfully, it wasn’t awkward at all  and you especially instantly hit it off with his younger brother Sam. Everything just felt easy and simple which meant so much more considering you’d felt so isolated an alone halfway across the world for your home comforts. Being British too, simply chatting to the two young men about your hometown and growing up was just so familiar, it really helped you feel less homesick.  Naturally too,  you’d fallen into a casual and friendly ribbing of Tom with Sam, making the three of you spend to majority of the evening cracking up (or in Tom’s case pouting at the abuse). It was a nice change from the two on one attack you got from Tom and Duffy that morning. You’d all cooked dinner together… well no, you and Tom had stood idly watching Sam cook an amazing chicken curry dish - which he promised to give you the recipe too. Honestly Sam felt like your long lost best friend, especially when it came to your shared ability to berate Tom for anything and everything. 

About an hour ago Tom had stuck on the film, effectively shutting up you and Sam - thankfully for him since Sam was just about to get to some rather embarrassing stories of Tom as a kid. You and Tom were on the longer grey sofa; with Sam sat  the other side of the coffee table in an impressively soft armchair - looking as though it was swallowing the lanky boy. The calm, the silence and the comfort was only going to go one way for you though. After your workout this morning, plus all the running and jumping during the shoot,  after what had already been a pretty intense week, it was hardly surprising that you didn’t even notice yourself drifting off the sleep. 

Who did notice though? Perhaps your brown haired costar who’d been stealing glances across to you ever since the movie had been put on? Because as much as he hated to admit it to himself, this didnt seem to be panning out as a normal job. A normal job is something you put your all into, for a couple weeks, and then leave with good memories and a good pay check. Yes, he had only known your for a matter of weeks or so but it already seemed to be unfathomable to cut ties with you. How would he go without your kind mannered abuse everyday? You were just refreshing, new and mysterious. And Tom was more than intrigued, his interest was peaked. 

And it was stupid to feel like that…. Of course it was. You can’t fancy a colleague because things get complicated and awkward. Tom knew that. 

Then why was he now delicately draping a blanket over your frame and smiling smally when you hummed in your sleep, in what seemed to be a show of appreciation for the layer of warmth? 

Because you were his excited puppy of a costar who is giving everything she has for the job? Because he is worried and wants to look after you? Because he cares? 

No matter why, in that moment you were contented and as was Tom. Oh and Sam? 

Sam saw the tell tale signs in his brother. He saw the way Tom had been touching your arm or the small of your back just a little more than what would be considered normal while he’d been cooking. He’d seen the way Tom had been laughing purely because you had. His eldest brother never did anything rash, it was always a painfully slow process for everyone involved. But Sam thought this just might be the start of something. The start of a slow burn.

[ssamie]

epilogue. “your girlfriend’s kinda hot”

kozume kenma x fem dazai!reader

(bsd x hq)

tw: mentions of suicide and suggestive themes + dirty jokes

masterlist.          suicide freak!

"hey uh, welcome to my stream i guess" he said as he spared the camera a quick glance "im not really playing tonight because an incident has recently occurred in this household" kenma said with a tired sigh 

nobody else knew it, but the said 'incident' was y/n accidentally setting half of their living room on fire 

the reason? apparently, she wanted to try burning herself to death in the furnace. obviously, it didn't work. and all that's left from that is more shit for kenma to clean up and a trip to yosano-san. 

kenma is stressed. and y/n is still alive. both of them are facing problems. 

"can you please wear a maid outfit- no."

kenma shook his head as he continued playing, glancing at the chat once in a while to read the veiwers' questions and comments

╭─━━━━━━━━━━━━─╮

user: how about cat ears?! 

user: ^^ cATBOY CATBOY CATBOY 

user: u suck at this game wtf

kuroo.tetsu: hey kenma ;) 

╰─━━━━━━━━━━━━─╯

"first of all, i do not suck at minecraft thank you very much" kenma scoffed 

"second of all, go away kuroo. im still mad at you" 

╭─━━━━━━━━━━━━─╮

user: LMFAOOO kuroo what did u do?? 💀💀

user: he probably broke kenma's pc 

user: PLSS he's the one kenma’s throwing shade at on twitter 

kuroo.tetsu: STOP THE SLANDER 😔✋🏼

user: rooster head lookin ass 

user: ^^ NOT THE HAIR 

kuroo.testsu: 😃😃

╰─━━━━━━━━━━━━─╯

kenma sighed as he continued building a cute little cottage. he was currently vibing, just building y/n a cute cottage for her to probably burn later on. 

and he decided it would be nice to go on stream since his oh-so-lovely girlfriend was still out for work. 

ah yes, kenma has somehow kept y/n alive all those years. 

barely. 

hence why his phone was being bombarded with messages from her, all of which being blurry selfies. 

the photos had her sporting a huge grin while atsushi panicked in the background. 

╭─━━━━━━━━━━━━─╮

user: ayo, ur phone's blowing up 

user: do you have a girlfriend? 

user: KODZUKEN LET ME SUCK UR TOES 😋😋🤩

user: ^ ayo chill 😃

╰─━━━━━━━━━━━━─╯

kenma simply ignored them and continued on with his task. all was going well until a loud slam was heard. his cat-like eyes widened as he heard a familiar voice singing from downstairs, it was undoubtedly y/n. 

kenma chuckled nervously and muted his mic. 

but of course, cute dumb catboy didn't actually mute his mic. haha <3

he ignored all the questions in the chat, all of them being  speculations that he has a girlfriend. which he does, but they simply did not need to know that <3

"kenma~" she yelled out "i have a surprise for you!!" she said, followed by menacing giggles. 

kenma glanced at the camera before hopping off his gaming chair and peeking his head out of the door. 

"y/n, im streaming!! stay down there!" he yelled out in panic 

"aw, you're playing hard to get aren't ya?" she chuckled 

kenma deadpanned as he saw her limping up the stairs, with her bandages torn and unravelled, same with her clothes. he didn't really think much of it since this is usually how she comes home. 

its most likely just due to work and/or another suicide attempt.

"so, kenma.. you'll never know what just happened to me today" she started off with a goofy grin 

"im streaming, atleast let me turn it off first-" 

she paid no mind to him as she peeled off her ruined coat and pointed to her poorly bandaged stomach

"i got stabbed!" 

"you got what?!"

kenma furrowed his brows as he immediately rushed over to his side, cradling her face and waist as he inspected her injuries

"are you okay, kitten?" he asked worriedly 

"yep, apparently it wasnt deep enough to be fatal" she sighed dejectedly 

"please don't be sad about that." kenma groaned "can you undress?" 

"ara ara~ whats this?" she cooed "you're getting real bold, kenma" she smirked at him 

she unbuttoned her shirt and started pulling down on her skirt "but since you asked so nicely-" 

kenma simply sighed and shook his head. "i was gonna prepare you a bath but now im considering leaving you here to die" 

"but the second option would've been better though" she smiled at him 

"oh my fucking god." 

kozume kenma. (22)

╰─▸ university student, stock trader, pro-gamer, youtuber, ceo of bouncing ball lpt. 

╰─▸ y/n's struggling boyfriend. definitely needs a pay after all he's been through.

╰─▸ currently panicking because his girlfriend got stabbed.

l/n y/n. (22)

╰─▸ operative/member of the armed detective agency. 

╰─▸ kenma's girlfriend. kinda dumb, very hot to compensate for it. still hasn't died yet. 

╰─▸ currently bleeding and wounded. also hoping for severe blood loss.

"kenma, did you know" she mused in a teasing tone "lack of sleep and too much stress could possibly lead to poor memory and lack of awareness" 

kenma looked up at her with a look of confusion. he was currently kneeled down before her while she was sat on the bed as he cleaned her wound up with a damp towel. 

"why are you telling me this?" he asked 

"i just thought it probably applied to you" she snickered 

"why? i didnt forget anything-" 

he cut himself off with a huge intake of air. he slowly turned his head to look at the screen which still had his stream going on. to make it worse, the camera was on and they were both clearly in the camera's field of view. 

to make things worse worse, his mic was on the whole time and the live chat was in shambles. 

"i hate it here" he sighed 

kenma laid his head on her lap as he continued on patching her up, honestly not caring that this whole scene was being recorded for thousands or millions of people to see. 

"well, atleast the internet could finally see my beauty before i die" she laughed 

she ran her fingers through kenma's hair as he grumbled under his breath. kenma was a pretty private person. he made sure not to overshare, given his current 'influencer' status. and he was planning on keeping his relationship a secret, though it seems he can't do that anymore. 

"might as well say hi" she shrugged 

so of course, she then decided to walk up to the camera looking utterly dishevelled and roughed up. 

for context, the newly wrapped bandages around her stomach was being stained already by a crimson red hue and it was only getting worse the more she moved, undoubtedly messing up her wound. 

"hi, im kenma's girlfriend and if i see you flirting with him i will make you regret it" she grinned 

"y/n!" kenma groaned from the bed "you're close to dying right now, turn the stream off" 

ignoring him, she proceeded to read the veiwers' comments, laughing at some of them while she joked around. 

╭─━━━━━━━━━━━━─╮

user: heLLO?!?! 

user: GE HAS A GIRLFRIEND NOOO

user: bruh, did i just hear that right? were you fuckin stabbed? 

user: ur kinda hot tho

╰─━━━━━━━━━━━━─╯

kenma furrowed his brows as he reluctantly walked up behind her, reading the comments with varying reactions 

╭─━━━━━━━━━━━━─╮

user: well damn, hot bloody girl comes in and suddenly im lesbian

user: kenma looks so done

kuroo.tetsu: hi y/n ;) 

user: HER NAME IS Y/N

╰─━━━━━━━━━━━━─╯

"jesus christ shut up, kuroo" kenma grumbled out with a sigh 

"yup! yup! im y/n, and no, i am not a criminal. i swear." she shook her head 

"i got an injury from my job, that's all." she cleared up 

╭─━━━━━━━━━━━━─╮

user: tangina nyo sana ol

user: MSKAKAKKA

user: THIS IS LOWKEY ICONIC

user: time to scratch another gamer boy off my possible bf list 😔

user: girl wtf happened to u

user: that's wack bro 🚶‍♀️

╰─━━━━━━━━━━━━─╯

"great question, random person from the internet!" she beamed "see, what happened was.." 

"i went on a certain mission and got severely injured. though, when i called for help nobody responded" she said 

kenma furrowed his brows at her words. "why didn't anybody respond?" he asked. she sighed and fiddled with her torn bandages, pouting her lips as she does so. 

"well, when i told them that i was finally on death's door, all they said to me was 'congratulations!' and all that.." she said "what's your take on that, hm?" she asked kenma 

"im not surprised" he said 

she grinned at his words and leaned in for a kiss. "you're so mean to me, kenma~" she whined 

she licked her lips as she held his blushing face in her hands, she nuzzled their noses as she leaned in closer to him. 

╭─━━━━━━━━━━━━─╮

kuroo.tetsu: oh shit 😳

user: we all know where this is heading ;) 

user: sana ol talaga punyemas 

user: AYO CHILL 

user: why we goin so fuckin fasstttt 😳

╰─━━━━━━━━━━━━─╯

kenma hastily turned the camera off as soon as y/n's lips touched his. 

"kitten, were still- hmph-" 

he was only silenced as she slipped her tongue in his mouth, smirking lightly as she ran her fingers through his hair 

"thanks babe." she said as she pulled away, giving him a soft peck on his cheek and a nod "anyways.." she hummed as she turned the camera on once again 

she looked through the chat while kenma slaps his face to get rid of his blush. 

╭─━━━━━━━━━━━━─╮

user: ur fuckin freaky 

kuroo.tetsu: oya oya 😼😼

user: MS MAAM I JUST MET U AND I LOVE U ALREADY WJABSJSJJS

user: not me blushing chiiilllleeeeee 🏃‍♀️

user: KENMA IS FLUSTERED

kuroo.tetsu: kenma, i didnt expect this from u 😼

user: im so fucking JEALOUS GRR😡

user: girl r u bleeding rn 😃

╰─━━━━━━━━━━━━─╯

upon reading a certain comment, she subconsciously grazed her fingers against her bandaged wound. her eyes slightly widening as she felt a concerning amount of wetness seeping through

she glanced at kenma who was still calming himself down and inspected her wound 

"oh my.." she muttered, though she couldn't help but let a smile slip through 

so like any normal person would do, she simply ignored her bleeding wound and the fact that she was getting a bit lightheaded. haha <3

"anyways, let's answer some questions!" she beamed 

╭─━━━━━━━━━━━━─╮

user: what's ur full name

user: what's ur job miss girl 

user: are you possibly looking for a gf, because i am more 

than willing to take the spot 🚶‍♀️

user: how did you meet?? 

╰─━━━━━━━━━━━━─╯

"alright, those are all very nice questions" she chuckled. kenma, who's now calmed down, sat down beside her to look at the chat. 

"first, im l/n y/n" she mused "nice to meet ya" 

"second im a detective! mhm, im cooler than your fathers" 

"third, it depends, belladonna" she cooed as she sent the camera flirty smirk "are you perhaps willing to join me in a double suicide?" 

"oh god.." kenma grumbled. he pouted at her and shook his head in disapproval. "don't flirt with random girls" he whined 

"why not?" 

"uh- because i am your beloved boyfriend, is that not good enough of a reason??" 

"... anyways, we met at a cafe way back in high school" she said with a smile "also, i asked him to join me on a double suicide" she said 

she was smiling and nodding as if it was the most normal thing in the world, all while kenma nods along 

╭─━━━━━━━━━━━━─╮

user: wtf are u okay 🗿

kuroo.tetsu: teenage romance 🤩

user: cute ❤️

user: im concerned ❤️

user: ur a detective?? cool

user: LMAOO I'LL GO ON A DOUBLE SEWER SLIDE 

WITH U MOMMY 😩😩😋

user: ^^ SAME 😩

user: CHOKE ME WITH THOSE BANDAGES MOMMAE 😩

user: u r still bleeding 🚶‍♀️        

╰─━━━━━━━━━━━━─╯

kenma was simply glaring at the chat as more compliments and flirtatious comments came flowing in, all of which were directed to his girlfriend. 

"this is why i didn't wanna let people know about you.." kenma grumbled 

"aww, why not?" she asked with a playful pout 

"people are flirting with you." he sighed "also, stop asking for my girlfriend's onlyfans! she doesn't even have one!" he snarled

╭─━━━━━━━━━━━━─╮

user: LMAOO CATBOY IS ANGRY 😩

user: y/n-senpai spit on me 😡😡

user: drop the onlyfans 

user: chupapi munyanyo 😩

╰─━━━━━━━━━━━━─╯

"anyways, i'd hate to ruin the mood" she chimed in with a sluggish giggle "but im so wet kenma" she whined out 

a menacing smirk was etched on her lips as kenma spluttered in response, a bright red hue covering his face almost instantly as he faced her with widened eyes 

"y-y/n! why would you say that?!" he whisper shouted 

"cuz i am" she whined out as she grabbed his hand and trailed it down her abdomen 

she faced the camera and gave them a shit-eating grin as kenma mumbled out incoherent words 

"y/n we should-" he cut himself off as he felt the concerning amount of blood drip down his whole arm 

kenma's face paled as he looked up to see her smiling like a kid in a candy store, completely unbothered. 

"y/n, you idiot! why didn't you tell me!" kenma exclaimed 

"um- my girlfriend is bleeding. excessively. so uh- bye i guess" it was all he said before hastily ending his stream and turning off his computer. 

"y/n, let's get you to a hospital" he said as he reached down to carry her away. though she simply slapped his hands off and closed her eyes. 

"nope. this is my time, kenma. don't ruin it for me" she said 

"you're fucking dying!!" 

"well, would you like to join me?" 

"no"

"damn." she muttered in response 

"so...wanna fuck?" she asked sheepishly 

"for the love of god-" 

this was so messy :/