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[emgoesmed]

Hi , i love your blog. Everything always looks so perfect. So i wanted to ask you for some advice, i am an IMG , and have recently done my residency(medicine) back in my home country In south east Asia. So my background knowledge is not so bad. Life happened (some not so good events) and i needed to move to US. I dont think am in for studying for step 1 right now but i think i ll be able to study for step 2 CK. I wanted to ask you if one can do well on step 2 ck by doing uworld. I am worried the most about pedes gyne surgery, cuz its been a while i have studied these subjects. Could you please recommend what extra sources should i use for pedes gyn surgery. And if those are as heavily tested on ck as medicine. Any advice on sources , timeline or anything really would be helpful. This is the only social media platform i av right now and i dont know who else to ask. I would be really grateful for any advice.

Hi!

UWorld is the main question bank that US med students use to study for USMLE step 2 CK. It is a great learning tool because the question/answer explanations are very thorough.

Medicine is about 50-60% of the exam, Surgery is 25-30%, Pediatrics is 20-25%, OB Gyn is 10-20%, and Psychiatry is 10-15%.

For surgery, I recommend De Virgilio's case book; the surgery portion of the exam is less about the actual surgeries and more about medical management of pre- and post-op, and indications for surgery.

I didn't have a very good resource to study for Pediatrics or OB Gyn, but recommend looking on Reddit for ideas. You don't need an account to do so. Search for posts about what helped people succeed on their shelf exams during third year, since those are specialty-specific resources.

One IMG I know who is in Internal Medicine residency in the US told me his study strategy was to complete UWorld and then do the entire Amboss question bank over several days prior to his exam because he just used a free trial period lol. I know other US students who did both question banks and got great scores (260+) as well.

I hope this is helpful! Best of luck in studying for your Step exams and don't hesitate to reach out if you have any more questions, I'll try my best to answer or point you towards helpful resources. :)

[alvaeris]

Ughh yeah memorizing the chords is so hard especially with the ADHD it's so hard to focus on actually learning the names of each one. If I ever did do a cover I thought was really good I'd probably post it yeah, I actually have posted one before but that's it (it was a Mitski cover). I'm so jealous I've never done karaoke with anyone before but I reallyy want to someday

I mostly just learn indie shit on the guitar, I only play acoustic but I wanna learn bass and electric someday. I like way too many different kinds of music to list here but some I can think of off the top of my head are gothic rock, nu-metal, kpop, punk, hyperpop, dance, scene, broadway shit. Mostly generally alternative stuff but I'm not immune to a good pop song either (and yeah you caught me, I do mainly like musical theatre)

Ummm thank you twirls hair. I like when people compliment my writing n my art. Maybe I can send you a small list of anime recs cuz I'm already yapping way too much. BUT DEMON SLAYER IS SO BANGER it's one of my favorites honestly and I usually don't like the more popular ones.

Phycological horror is my favorite yeah :3 I psychological stuff in general because I like things that actually make me feel. Normal horror doesn't scare or disturb me or anything like that n it feels boring but body horror and psychological horror are a completely different case when done right

PS you write on AO3?? May I read some of your work perchance. Maybe I can show you some of mine :3 (no pressure)

-💜🩷🖤👑

oh, yeah, i can imagine 😭 i have a few friends with adhd and they already struggle enough with focusing on one thing, let alone sitting down and memorising. but at least you were able to manage it! i get cold feet from just looking at all the letters. where did you post the cover? i'd love to hear it if you let me- but it's fine if not, i'm sure it's gorgeous! i've never gone for karaoke before either, so this wilk be my first experience with it! i hope you're able to go with someone in the future.

what songs in particular have you learned? do you have to read sheet music for guitar, or memorise everything? hmm, i'm afraid i'm quite unknowledgable on the different types of guitars. is electric the one you can use an amp with? and is bass just, like, lower? or are there other differences?

woah, you have such a diverse music taste! it's like a little bit of everything- mad respect 😮‍💨 i've listened to a few of those. maybe i'll try some of the others as well! ALSO I WAS RIGHT YAY. what's your favourite musical? mine is ride the cyclone, but i also like mean girls and heathers quite a bit. i actually went to watch hamilton earlier this year! it's one of my favourite memories.

no problem hehehe, and i like it when you yap ;D send me recs if you want, i'll check them out to see if i'm interested in them!

ohh, that makes sense. psychological horror is pretty scary 😭 i'm terrified of suspense.

i have written some fics on ao3, but i haven't posted any! they're all in my drafts. maybe i will post them after the exams. they're all dottolone though 😭 and some william afton. if i decide to publish them i'll be sure to send them to you! but you have to give me some of yours too teehee.

[trenchcoatsbi]

happy ONE WHOLE YEAR ????? that's absolutely crazy hooooly shit ???? /vpos hoping to many more . you guys are so awesome :]

anyway, since i saw the other anons do their updates (and also, since i haven't really been on here in a while), i figured i'd do one as well !!

march was a pretty busy month, considering. it was my birthday aaand we got a shit ton to do related to school and exams and whatnot, so my time during it was pretty crammed

(i don't mean to brag, and i genuinely hope it won't be seen as such 😭😭 just stating Why it's been like that . Sorry 🙏)

during the month tho i Did manage to do some things i enjoy or that just. make me happy yk !! i went to go see some movies here and there and iirc, the highlight of that month was "the holdovers" - genuinely such a good movie and i'm glad i got to see it in theaters :] i also went to a gig with my friend and we had such a blast, it was sooooo so good i still want to go backkkk ......

i think that's pretty much it for march ?? tbf, my memory sucks in general, so i can't remember anything distinct for the life of me

when it comes to Non-Time-Frame Related Events, i also still continued to play pjsk (as i do since. Brainrot) and i finally managed to fc "the disappearance of hatsune miku" on expert... after maybe 1 year of struggling with it 😭😭😭😭 BUT I DID IT!!!!!!! i wish i had a screen recording of it, though, because it would've been cool to show off

another thing is i played phighting! like i never played it before. i had to essentially grind for the bivekit skin (which i think is time-limited considering it's a collaboration with regretevator...) and I GOT IT. I MANAGED TO GET 58K BUX IN TIME AND GOT IT!!!!!! i doubt i'll be using medkit anytime soon, though, because i feel like i'd suck as a support player, but yk. practice makes perfect as they say (???) and also i'm so abnormal about bive I Love Her . my friends said she's kind of like me so now i'm just . ?×>×?÷?×?+?!?×(+?!?!+?× /vpos

on a more serious-ish note, though. to finally end my update properly is i think i noticed a slight up in my mental health. which hasn't really happened in a while, and it makes me really happy to know or to prove to myself that like. i am Able to get better. i am Able to Feel Better /pos

sorry for the many rambles, but i hope you've all been doing well and have been taking care of yourselves in these times 🫂

take care everyone <3 /p

- 📼

yeah!!! it's crazy it's been a year aint it! happy late birthday! 'm really glad to hear you had a good march!

also yooo! congrats on the fc too man! I've never been into pjsk but augh my bestie was into it a while back and augh i know how hard that is. It's super cool that you managed to do that!! I've heard about phighting! (and regretavor) but I've never gotten into it besides looking at cool fanart that pops up on my for you page. Congrats on getting that skin! sounds fucking awesome man, glad you got it!

i'm really glad you've been feeling better too man. mental health stuff can be uhhh rough so I'm glad things are going up.

im respondng to this late cuz i took the rest of trechcoatday off to do homework and play genshin (hhhhh unfortunately if you give me a game with a lot of quests and objectives and things to complete i will 100% go bonkers abt it) but yeah! happy day! hope everyone had a good day

[rrxnjun]

tbh word counts suck so much imo😭 it must be annoying having to delete parts and even just figuring out what to delete must suck ☹️ (although sometimes i wish i had this problem cuz i never reach the limit🥲) writing essays for philosophy doesn't sound like fun thats for sure!🫡

i don't think u sound like a nerd!! it just shows that u enjoy what u are learning rn, which is a very good thing imo!!!!🥳🥳

this school term is the last one where i officially have to learn german but i will still need to get a language exam from it to be able to finish my university studies one day😭(but i have a couple of years until then so hopefully i will be able to actually learn it properly by then🫡) reading a book in german sounds interesting but u definitely have much will power (?idk if this is the right word to use for it?) that u looked up words!! i don't think i could get myself to do that🥲definitely hoping that we will get better at it!! i agree it certainly is a pretty language!!! although i feel like sometimes it just feels silly in a way(??)😭 idk how to explain it but some words just do not feel like they should mean what they mean (like i just learned the word ernst and it means serious but it just doesn't sound serious enough for it to mean that, i really hope this makes sense and i don't sound crazy🤣😵‍💫)

send your essays over to me i'll do them for you AHAH /j. philosophy definitely isnt fun (at least not for me) BECAUSE IT MAKES 0 SENSE???!? and i picked a topic ive never heard before,, and then all the sources were in english so i had to mentally translate everything into my first language and try to understand it and yeah it was such a struggle 💀💀 and thanks for saying i dont sound like a nerd 😭😭 im definitely grateful and happy that i can study something i enjoy, considering that nobody really believed in me getting into this major lol

oof good luck w the german then!!! im sure you'll get there some day💕 abt the german book,,, i used an ebook reader that has the translator built in so it didnt take that much effort 💀💀 if i had to manually google each word i just wouldnt do it. GERMAN HAS FUN WORDS sometimes they make complete sense and sometimes they just dont. i enjoy words that make perfect sense,, the long ones that perfectly describe what they mean like gloves being Handschuhe and hospital being Krankenhause makes sO MUCH SENSE i love it. but you are right,, ernst doesnt sound serious enough😶

[mettywiththenotes]

I’m so glad adjoining is getting some love! I may have missed a post regarding this, but we also got some insight to his character in the Training Camp arc. He incredibly loyal and selfless, and we also have that hero exam arc as well to show for it when he was with his team. I think in one of the movies he also had his time to shine helping the twins taking damage. He is so underrated, I wonder if he and Spinner will ever interact?

(Ah yes, that one bnha character - Adjoining. Lol don't worry I think I know who you mean)

Something I noticed with the Training Camp arc is that he is loyal and selfless, like you said (the whole sacrificing one of his root arms thing and this line)

But he also like. offers a choice to Izuku

He's not like "Okay we gotta deal with Tokoyami first and then we need to find Bakugou", he's just like "Listen I know the only reason you're still going is that you're running on adrenaline, eager to save your friend, but do you have enough energy to help me with Tokoyami first or would you rather go straight to Bakugou? Like I can handle Tokoyami but your help would be cool too. Your choice."

In a dire situation, he still offers an option. I think that alone shows how accepting he is, how flexible he is for other people's needs. He gives attention to the little things, little things that others may deem unnecessary in such situations, and thats really cool to notice actually

I also find it funny because here's Izuku, barely able to move, and Shouji gives this choice - will you help me with Tokoyami or go to Bakugou? - and Izuku is like "BOTH!" and Shouji is completely just like "Aight bet" and helps with both

Izuku is out here like "Okay use your root arms as bait and we'll just like. lead Tokoyami into Kacchan, two birds one stone, trust me on this" and Shouji - wonderful, flexible, accepting Shouji - goes along with it!

That, again, shows how well he can accommodate to a situation. Even accepting of a plan like Izuku's because it solves both issues at the same time (helps with their problem with Tokoyami and protecting Bakugou)

The Hero Exam (I assume you mean the Joint Arc) had some good moments with him too, and a little reveal of his thoughts about himself

"I'm not stranger to being feared." Shouji tell us your past what have you been through, don't just leave us with this

But also that has to be one of the reasons why he's so accepting of people - he knows what it's like to be feared, even just by looks. Makes me think he could get along with anyone and offer a kind hand to them, from the most "horrifying-looking" heteromorph to even people like Twice, who wasn't a heteromorph but was definitely looked down on because of how he looked

Also I like this moment here. Idk why, but it feels kind of the same as Bakugou vs Uraraka - not that Pony was ever expected to be treated nicely during training or a fight, but Shouji didn't seem to expect her to be so strong

Maybe because he thought horns wouldn't have as much strength to them compared to his thick skin? Anyway, it feels like when he noticed this, he was on high alert and went all in with her. I think he expected Pony to be stubborn, that whether her quirk was weak or strong she would still put up a fight, but didn't anticipate her strength being what it was

I also noticed this

Which is a bit of a pattern with Shouji. He did the same thing in Training Camp - a sort of "I can deal with this on my own, you go ahead" type of thing. He's not afraid to hang back while others achieve what needs to be done. It's obvious, considering his character, but I'll say it anyway; he seems to be the type of person who's fine with being in the background, fine with second place, so to speak, if it achieves overall victory. Like, he'll let others do the winning if it means an overall win

Also, there's the whole Needs thing again; insisting Ojiro go to Shouto cuz he needs his help right now. Kid's got his priorities straight

As for Heroes Rising, I think I know which scene you mean, though he was so good at protecting those kids throughout the entire movie, it really shows here too

Look at him trying to run, holding his ground, putting the kids before himself. Even when one of the blasts hits him so hard that he accidentally drops the kids, he still uses himself as a shield

(this was already a great movie but I'd honestly rewatch it just to see Shouji stand his ground and protect those kids again)

I really hope he and Spinner interact, it'd be cool to compare both Spinner's experiences/thoughts vs Shouji's experiences/thoughts on heteromorphs and such, and the way they go about change in the system (again, the change Shouji seems to want only being based off the 3 scenes I analyzed in that one post I made - nothing has actually been said in canon but that's the vibe I get off of him)

He honestly is so underrated, I'd love for him to have more screen time. Whatever focus Hori gives him in the future, I'll just be glad to get more info on him

[youremeimyou]

Old Lovers

pairing: Min Yoongi x reader genre: angst with sprinkles of fluff, ex-boyfriend au word count: almost 5k warning: some passionate kissing

Description: Min Yoongi is your ex-boyfriend that you’ve parted ways not on the greatest of terms with. But in the makings of a mixtape, somethings will be rekindled. Will it be friendship or maybe more?

A/N: I’ve started writing this so long ago but only recently got to finish it. I haven’t been able to post any fics in a while even though I’ve got a lot of wip. I’m graduating uni and my life’s basically a chaos right now. But I liked writing this a lot. I hope you enjoy! Please let me know what you think of it :) [posting again cuz it’s not showing on tags ughh]

Going back to school has never been this painful to you before. Of course assingments, exams and longer than necessary lectures were always there to welcome you back to hell every year but no new semester intimidated you quite like this one does. Especially after the very much disconnected summer break you had.

Spending the summer in your hometown of Gwangju was a rushed decision that was actually forced upon you at the time. But it turned out to be exactly what you needed. At least, Hoseok made sure that it was. Being your life-long friend, he took matters into his own hands when you couldn't pull yourself together after the rough patch you've been through. The Hoseok-ie rule he called it: No getting in touch with anyone in Seoul. And while it was a little hard not reaching out to close friends in Seoul, you couldn't risk breaking the Hoseok-ie rule. He's sweet and you love him but that guy is one scary motherfucker when he's pissed.

Now, summertime's over and you're definetely not prepared to face your demons. It doesn't help that Hoseok's classes aren't starting until next week, either. That means you have to go through this alone.

On your way from the subway station to the campus, you check the new weekly schedule once more and it makes you let out a dissappointed huff. You can't blame anyone. You made this schedule. But do you have any idea why you decided to put music theory at 9 in the morning while you were making it? No.

Your legs take action before you know it and suddenly you're now turning to the other street. They continue to take you through another familiar path. As you close in on the shop at the corner, the calming smell of coffee reaches your nose and you realise why coming here was more tempting than attending class.

This coffee shop was your safe haven for the past three years and this semester isn't going to be any different. Even though it's so close to campus, not many people know about it and it's never hectic. Which is something you love and right now, definetely need. Some peace and quiet before starting the semester...

You enter and head straight to the barista, who happens to be a friend of yours since you're a regular.

"Hey Ryu."

"Well well, if it isn't Miss I'll come everyday this summer that never showed up once." Ryu has sarcasm alongside with mischief in his voice.

"I know but Hoseok kept me in Gwangju as a prisoner the whole summer, I'm sorry."

"Where's that dancing machine?"

"He doesn't have classes until next week so it's just me for now." You're still not over the fact he left you on your own for the first week.

"It's fine, you're not alone. Look!" Ryu points to the back where the tables are. You're confused as to who he could be pointing at. You and Hoseok are the only ones you know that come here- except...

In a flash, you stop turning around and hurriedly order a black coffee. "Please make it quick." you plead quietly but what's done is done, he already knows you're here. In fact you can hear footsteps approaching.

"That drink was great, dude. What's it called again?" He appears on your right side in his all-black outfit with a snapback. Nothing's changed about him, you think. Except you see some of his hair through the hat and it seems to be bleached. Something he hasn't done for a while. For the two years you two were together, to be exact.

"Oh, it's called yuanyang. You think I should put it on the menu?"

"Definetely, go for it."

It seems like he doesn't even acknowlegde the fact that you're right next to him. But why the hell did he even come here? You totally introduced him to this place and Ryu. So, you should get to keep this place after the break-up. Aren't those the rules?

He takes out his wallet to pay but pauses for a second. "Ryu, can I get two cookies to go?" he asks and hands over his card.

Two cookies? You know he doesn't like sugaries that much. You're almost sure he's meeting someone and it makes you scoff, unconsciously. Both him and Ryu side-eye you but you avert your gaze. "Chocolate ones, please." he adds. You think he must be ordering your favorites just to spite you.

He recieves the cookies from Ryu, fistbumps the guy and starts walking out. But then, just as he passes by you, he leaves one of the cookies on the counter in front of you and exits without another word.

First, you're shocked. And so is Ryu, apparently. You glance at him and he confusedly shrugs. Then, you're pissed. In a moment of anger, you blast out of there to go after him.

"Hey, Min Yoongi!" you shout.

He stops but doesn't turn around for a while. Just when he's about to, you appear right in front of him, the cookie in your hand.

"What's this?"

"What does it look like to you?" he retorts back, his eyes avoiding yours. And you frustratedly huff.

"What are you trying to pull?" you ask with hints of accusation in your voice. That's when he meets your gaze.

"Nothing at all. My fault for trying to be nice."

There it is, the Min Yoongi venom you were waiting for. He opens his mouth to say something else but you beat him to it.

"Ryu doesn't seem to know that we-" you pause. And immediately regret pausing. Why couldn't you just say it?

"Oh, right. You must be thinking that life stopped while you were away." And only as he says this that you notice the dark circles under his eyes. "He knows. So do a lot of other people, by the way."

Well, shit. You might've been away from all the post-breakup commotion but he was here. He was dealing with everyone of your social circle, alone. And what's the first thing you do when you see him for the first time after all that? Lashing out at him. And when he was just trying to be nice, too. Great...

"Can you move? I'm missing class." he says coldly. But despite trying to hide it, his voice sounds tired. Which makes you step out of his way and let him go. Instead, you start making your own way to class, being already late as it is.

Safe to say it's an awkward walk to campus, with you on one side of the street and Yoongi on the other. The bad news is, you constantly find yourself looking his way. Even though you curse under your breath everytime you catch yourself staring at him, you can't help but look again. But his eyes are completely fixed on the road, not even sparing you one glance.

To escape the awkwardness, you decide taking the longer route to class by heading for the stairs at the back while he takes the ones near the entrance. Since you're late and afraid of Professor Sol, you fasten your pace. Once you reach the door, your hand clashes into someone else's. Yoongi's. Of course, you think to yourself. You should've known he's taking music theory from Professor Sol. He's the best student when it comes to music and the best teacher here definetely wants him on his class.

It's too late when you realise you haven't removed your hand because he opens the door with yours under his, making it feel as though you're holding hands.

"So you finally decided to grace us with your presence? You shouldn't have. The class is about to end." Professor Sol scolds the two of you. She isn't exactly wrong. "I can pardon a student who already excells but the one who barely passes classes, I hope you know what you're doing Miss Y/N." One thing about her is that she notoriously discriminates between students and she's never liked you.

Yoongi's hand and yours is still connected and you feel him tense up. He actually used to be your guardian when it came to Professor Sol. And apparently old habits die hard because he grabs your hand harder and steps up a little. "The last I checked, at least eighty percent of your class fails every year, professor. It includes people who rank highest in some of the other classes. Strange, don't you think?"

Only Min Yoongi has the guts to do this. And only he gets a free pass after doing it. When the professor simply points you in the direction of the seats, Yoongi pulls you by the hand he’s still holding and sits you down. There’s immediately talk going around, people discussing if you were back together and all that. That’s when he snaps out of it and lets your hand go. So you’re finally able to let out the breath you were unknowingly holding. Then, he goes to one of the back seats and sits down himself. And you quietly wonder why that hurts you.

It's Hoseok's first day back and the two of you are enjoying some coffee at Ryu's shop, after a long school day.

"Y/N, I've got some bad news." he says, looking gloomy all of a sudden.

"Wha- hurry up and tell me." You hate the suspense, it makes you worry.

"I haven't been able to find a studio that we can continue the album with." He looks really upset. That's only natural, he's been working on this project for over a year now. Before you broke up with Yoongi, Hoseok was writing and producing a mixtape in Yoongi's studio with you and Yoongi's help. After you parted ways, the mixtape was put on hold.

"I've saved a lot of money this summer. We can look into some expensive ones too, I'm sure we can-"

"It's not the money, Y/N. I can't work on it the way I want to in any of those other studios. Even if it's one of the expensive ones." he cuts in. Yes, Yoongi was probably the only person to let Hoseok do his own thing.

"Well then, you should talk to Yoongi. I'm sure he'll be cool with working with you, still. As long as I don't show up, it should be fine."

He rolls his eyes. "I can't do it without you, Y/N. I'll need your help, so you'll have to show up eventually."

It's your turn to roll your eyes. You don't want anything to do with that studio. But you know how important this mixtape is to Hoseok, so you say okay. Even though you doubt Yoongi would be fine with you being there.

Speak of the devil and he shall appear. In his damned, cursed, beautiful leather jacket... This time there's no hat so you can fully observe his bleached hair and notice how it's grown longer.

"Would you really be okay with it? I don't wanna put you in this position, no. Let's just forget it-"

"Hoseok-ie, you're lovely. But for now, shut up." You get up and make your way to Yoongi's table. Hoseok's mixtape has to be done, no matter what. Seems like he hasn't noticed you so you clear your throat to grab his attention.

"What?" he asks, not looking at you. Your blood slowly starts to boil.

"I need to ask you something-"

"Ryu, I kinda need that coffee asap, buddy!" He cuts you off by hollering at the barista and starts to gather his things. He really must want to get on your nerves.

"Actually, first things first, why in the bloody hell are you still coming here?" You can't help but lash out again. You discovered this place after all, you have the right to claim it.

"Excuse me?"

"I showed you this place, it's my territory. Don't you know the break-up rules?"

He laughs at that. In such a condescending way that you regret saying it. He stops getting ready and settles on the table once again. "You're cute."

Oh, you're so close to smacking him on the head.

"And you're an asshole."

Ryu comes with Yoongi's order and leaves it on the table. "I thought you were in a hurry." He says while heading back to the counter.

"I suddenly wanna stay longer." Yoongi states, looking straight at you.

Every fiber of your being wants to avoid his eyes and run away from there, he knows exactly how to make you vulnerable. But you endure. For Hoseok.

"I'll get to the point. Hoseok needs to keep working with you. Our situation shouldn't effect his mixtape, don't you think?"

He switches to serious mode quickly. "Was this your idea or his?"

"What does it matter-"

"I'm only okay with it if he wants to do it on his own will and not by you forcing him."

Okay, you do get a little bossy sometimes but he didn't have to put it as harsh as that.

"He wants to. He refused other studios and all that."

You think you see his lips curve into a small smile for a second. Hoseok and Yoongi got along very well, actually. You never wanted for them to stop being friends, anyway. This might be a chance for them to catch up even. Of course, there's a slight problem.

"But- he says he can't do it without... well, me. He wants to make sure that you're okay with-"

"Not a problem." Yoongi unexpectantly cuts you off. You're rendered speechless due to shock. He finally turns his head and looks at you. "My studio is a workplace, Y/N. Why would it bother me when you're there for work purposes? Especially when you're essential to the process."

Yoongi's sense of kindness is a very strong thing. But it's well hidden under all the coldness and sarcasm. You'd know, it had taken you a while to get to it. But when you did, it made you fall for him even harder at the time. And now, even though things between you are over, you can still see it.

"Thanks..." is all you can say while turning around to go back but suddenly your feet stop and turn back around. "Actually, thanks for before with Professor Sol, too. Even though you don't need to stand up for me anymore-"

"It's not that I needed to, Y/N. It's that I wanted to."

He goes back to gathering his stuff and you head back to give Hoseok the details of how it went. Just as you're about to, Yoongi stops by your table before leaving.

"Hoseok-ie, text me later to come up with a schedule for studio hours, okay?"

Hoseok is visibly happy and responds with a big smile. "Sure thing."

It's been three weeks since Hoseok started to work at Yoongi's studio again. But today is the first time that you'll be going there since the break-up. Even though time has passed, you're still not used to being around Yoongi all the time. Like having to attend almost all the classes with him and also, well... without him.

Without him sitting next to you, practically glued to your side, while you both silently giggle in the middle of the lecture as he whispers stupid jokes in your ear. The fact that you're consantly around him (not by choice by the way) prevents you from getting over him.

And now the studio... One of the most dangerous places for you now because of the memories you have with him there. You know, an intimate, indoor space with dim lights... A perfect spot for activities you definitely don't want to be reminded of. But for your best friend Hoseok, you have to go.

When you arrive, you call Hoseok to open up the door, too nervous to ring the doorbell. Once you enter, your giggly friend drags you hurriedly into the recording room.

"Okay warm your voice up. We should start with the vocals-"

"Wow there, pickle." you say. Vocals were maybe the only thing you told him you wouldn't do. What did he think? That he could hurry you into it and you wouldn't notice? "What vocals, Hoseok? I'm here to arrange, mix and maybe write some melodies, you know that."

"Shhh... look you gotta. Otherwise Yoongi's gonna have some other girl do it and I don't want that."

What girl? For as long as you can remember, Yoongi has tried to get you to sing. For Hoseok's and other albums. But you don't have confidence in your voice so you've always refused. And now he just wants some other girl?

"Have you told him you don't want that?"

"Yes, obviously. He told me if I can't convince you, we had no other choice. So c'mon, just try for me? Pleaseee?"

You sneakily glance out the window to see Yoongi talking with the said girl. She’s probably from your school even though you haven’t seen her here before. She’s standing a bit too close to Yoongi’s chair and leaning on him a little but that’s none of your business. And you definetely don’t care. But still, you can’t have someone whom Hoseok’s not comfortable with, sing in his own damn album.

You go out the room and toward Yoongi and the girl. “We need to speak.” you say and head for the other room. Yoongi huffs while following after you.

“What is it miss grumpy?”

You roll your eyes. “Are you really pulling an ultimatom on me like this? Hoseok clearly isn’t okay with this girl-”

“Hoseok isn’t okay with anyone but you. This isn’t my ultimatom, it’s his. Marley’s like the third person I asked to do this and he didn’t like any of them. Because what he wants is your voice. You really can’t see that Y/N?”

He sounds fed up and exhausted. What he says makes sense too, since you know how stubborn and sneaky your best friend can be.

He continues. “Look, if we want the album to proceed there are three options. First is Marley does the vocals and Hoseok will be unhappy about it. Second is there’ll be no female vocals which will make the whole thing empty and far from what we planned. Or third, you can do them and save us all the grimace.”

He makes it seem like he doesn’t care which you’ll go with but in his eyes, you can see hope that you’ll say yes to the third. But no. You’re not ready, you can’t. In your mind, you suck. So you convince Hoseok to go with Marley for now.

So, days go by. Marley comes pretty often to record. Hoseok’s not frowning that much about it anymore. And you notice how every chance she gets, Marley is pulling the moves on Yoongi. Which seem to work, since sometimes they come in or leave together. None of it bothers you at all, you tell yourself.

One day, you come in pretty late at night remembering you left your notes there. Since you have a spare key, you think you can be in and out unnoticed. Silly you because once you hear Yoongi playing the piano, you can’t just leave. You wait outside the room until he’s done and some stupid momentary courage makes you go in.

“Oh- I’m sorry.” you instantly say when you see Marley sitting next to him. “I just forgot my- I was leaving-”

“Wait!” Yoongi says hurridly to stop you. “We were done here anyway.”

Marley doesn’t look happy but gets up and leaves.

“No really, I got my notes and I was about to head out. She doesn’t need to leave on my account-”

“It’s not on your account. But since you came in here, you must have something to say?”

Why does it feel like he wants you to say something? Why does it seem like he wants you to stay? You’re convinced it’s your own mind playing tricks on you.

“No. I don’t.” you lie with a broken voice. But your feet aren’t leaving. And Yoongi is still staring at you with a cold attitude but expecting eyes.

“Fine.” you give up and say. “I thought the piano room wasn’t allowed to just anyone. I guess since she was in here...” you cut yourself off. The piano room was kind of your special place when you were together. Nobody other than you was allowed in here. This is the place you two would spend hours and hours coming up with songs. Or just talking about things you shared only with each other.

“I’m just giving her piano lessons for some extra cash. And this room doesn’t mean much to me anymore.”

His answer dissappoints you. Not the part that he indirectly said they weren’t dating. The latter part. “And here I thought the whole secrecy of the piano room was just your way of pulling the moves on whoever you’re dating.” As long as the sentence is finished, you regret saying it. You know it isn’t right. What you said is unfair to every intimate and meaningful moment you had with him here. And your words come down like the last drop on his patience.

He shoots out of the seat. “If I wasn’t so goddamn sure that you already know how you’re the first person I ever brought in here, I’d be hurt. But instead I’m just pissed.”

He’s right to be. So you can’t say anything back.

“How can you even-” he stops for a moment. “But that’s just your way, isn’t it? Spit out venom whenever you don’t like something.”

“Me?” you ask in shock. Now this you can’t have. “No. Poisonous words are your specialty.”

“And you already left me for it, didn’t you? You left me so why would you care who I bring in here anyway?” He’s switched to his shouting voice now.

“You’re right, I’m sorry. But I left because you pushed me away, Yoongi.” He averts his gaze to the floor while you continue. “I know that you love music more than anything else but what I also happen to know is that you use it as an escape. An excuse to not get too close. But guess what? We were already too close for me to not realise what you were doing! And that is why I left!”

Both of you are obviously done shouting and silence takes over the room for a while. You already had to push back tears like twice now, so you decide to leave but just then, Yoongi has something to say.

“This room will never have any significance with anyone else besides you. Just know that.” he silently admits with his eyes still fixed on the ground. You don’t say anything and just walk away.

It’s nearly the end of the semester and Hoseok’s mixtape is finally finished. He was so exited that he accidentely published it three times in a row on soundcloud. And the fact that he’s getting some great feedback is the icing on top.

In the meantime, you’ve been doing a lot of thinking. After that fight with Yoongi, you’ve started to seriously consider the fact that maybe leaving him just like that was a mistake. Because yes, you were hurt that after all you had been through, he was still trying to keep you at bay. You felt like as you were falling completely and irreversably for him, he was still holding back. But when you left, you were gone all the way. Leaving him all alone when you knew he was hurt.

Spending the last couple of months together, you finally admitted to yourself that you missed him. And that it did bother you seeing him with other girls. It bothered you that Marley was so obviously into him. Even though he made it clear he wasn’t interested, you still felt... jealous.

But you never mustered up the courage to talk to him about any of these. Even though it seems like lately he’s trying not to be cold around you, trying to strike up random converstions in efforts to perhaps recover at least your friendship. For some stupid reason you can’t seem to dare let him back in.

Your buzzing phone pulls you out of your thoughts. You check and see it’s your best friend that you’ve been feeling extra proud of these days.

“Yes, my successful, on his way to become a star best friend?”

“Oh my god, Y/N. You won’t believe this!” he squeaks while talking. And you hate the suspense so you tell him to hurry up and tell you what’s up.

“Yoongi’s friend in radio 12 agreed to play the title song!”

“What??” you start to squeak in exitement as well. “When? When will it be on?”

“In about two minutes! Just put the station on, now!” he orders and hangs up immediately. He’ll probably call his parents next. You quickly do as he says and for sure, the next song is Hoseok’s title track. You start hopping in your bed, dancing around in your room with the dumbest smile on your face but then-

The bridge comes and it’s your voice. That’s impossible, you think. But it is you singing the bridge. And then it hits you. That one night you snuck into the studio with your spare key and recorded this exact bit, just to see how it’d be... As always, you thought it wasn’t good enough. But instead of deleting, you hid the file. Guess you couldn’t hide it that well, after all. Was it Hoseok that did this? Or...

Your phone buzzes again and once again it’s Hoseok. “Y/N- This was the best surprise you ever made for me. I’m literally about to cry, you sound so good! Thank you for doing this.”

It wasn’t Hoseok, then. But you’re thrilled to know he likes it that much. You’re thrilled to hear yourself on a freaking radio station that so many people listen to! It feels amazing. It gives you so much confidence. So much that after ending the call with Hoseok, you decide to go to the only person left who could’ve done this.

You’re at Yoongi’s door. You haven’t been here for a long time but despite the nervousness, you manage to knock. It’s pretty late but you know he’s a night owl, he should be up. Soon enough, he opens the door. He’s taken aback to see you at first but then his surprised expression turns into worry.

“I know why you’re here. I’m sorry I used the recording without your consent but-”

You launch yourself onto him and crash your lips on his. His response is so quick that it’s almost automatic. He pulls you in even more, closes the door with his foot and traps your body againts the wall with his own. All the while not parting your lips once. Your hands go to his hair. You’ve been wanting to brush your fingers through his hair ever since you’ve seen that he bleached it again after two years. You pull at the tips slightly. It makes him hum into your mouth.

“Wait-” he says while he pulls away suddenly. “You-” You’re both out of breath. “Are you really okay with what I did?”

“Yes.” You close the distance once again and this time he moves you to the couch. You’ve missed this couch. You’ve missed him...

He pulls back again. “Y/N- wait. What are we doing?”

“What do you think?” you tease as your lips travel down to his neck.

“I wanna talk to you first, though.” he manages to say between his panting.

“So talk.” you say and go back to the week spots on his neck, secretly smiling against his skin.

“You’re not-” he swallows a groan. “exactly making it easy.” He then pulls your head up to face him and gives you another long kiss. But this time not out of the heat of the moment. Instead with so much meaning engraved on it.

“Y/N... I never meant to hurt you.” he says staring into your eyes. “You were right, I was a coward but- I swear if you give me another chance, I will give it my all. I’ll be a thousand percent in.”

You smile. He looks so much like a lost puppy that it makes you want to tease him. “Well, prove that to me right now then.” you say slyly.

“Uhh- I will. I- I’m gonna go dye my hair brown, right now. I bleached it to get your attention, anyway. Not to attract others, I promise.” he says in panic.

You burst into laughter. When you first started dating, you talked him into not bleaching his hair anymore. You always said it was only for his health but he always knew you were jealous of girls getting attracted because of it, too. “No, don’t. I actually missed how even hotter it makes you look. Let’s keep that for now.” you say. “I was kidding, you don’t have to do or say any-”

“I love you.”

You pause. It’s not the first time he tells you that. But this time he says it in such a way that you’re certain it’s the real thing. Even more real than before. “I love you, too.”

“So...” he leans into you and whispers in your ear. “Couch or bed?”

You both giggle. “Surprise me.” you whisper back and he quickly tries to lift you but fails, making you both laugh out loud. “Umm- I haven’t been working out lately, baby. I’m sorry.” he says between giggles.

Between all the laughter, you silently thank him for giving you another chance, too. And make a mental promise that you won’t give this up so easily ever again.

....

A/N: This was my first Yoongi fic and I feel good about it. It’s really hard to imagine Yoongi not being a god at music so anytime I use him as a character, he’s always a prodigy lol. I can’t help it he’s just really good. Anyways if you’ve bared with this, thank you sooo much for reading and I hope you liked it. Let me know if you did. Always wash your hands and stay healthy :)

[dustofthedailylife]

Hey dust!

I'll read your new post in like 10 minutes(I hope, i cant be so active on tumblr because of some private reasons) but I saw your little vent and I wanted to say that I really belive in you, I know you can do everything on your mind!

I can understand the pressure you're under rn, we have a similar system here. But if you belive in yourself, nothing can stop you!!

I just want you to know even tho we aren't that close you can always rely on me and come to me if you need to talk and relax. I can go off-anon[or in-non?not sure if its correct] and give you my socials.

AND HERE IS A BIG HUG FOR YOU 🫂

good luck on your finals, I know they are important and requires a lot of working but please please please please don't overwork yourself, don't forget eating or drinking and having fun. If you do, I'll bite your toes when you're sleeping >:]

I still have a lot of things to catch up, I'll post a complete review when I'm done, but for latest post a separate note cuz D I L U C

AND I SAW THE STORY THAT IS INSPIRED BY MY DREAM AND AAAAHHH IM SO HAPPY ILL READ IT AS SOON AS I FINISH CATCHING UP WITH DUST [id love to tag the accountbut my b12 doesn't allow me to remember oops]

LOVE YOU LOTS OF KISSES AND HUGS

-⛄️

Hi nonnie!! Thanks so much for your reassuring words and for reaching out to me. I'll have to stay positive as much as possible but August will probably the most mentally taxing month of my entire life so far.

I'm just happy once all the exams are over and I pray I pass because god knows I don't want to have to go through it a second time.

I'm already doing a bit better than I did earlier. I took a break and played a bit of Genshin & stared at Ayato

Also please don't bite my toes while I'm sleeping, I'll try and take care of myself, haha! >.<

I'm curious what you'll think about the things I've written recently. It's a bit angsty but I guess that's mostly what my brain is able to produce at the moment, thanks to irl angst 😂

And thanks for wanting to post reviews for my works, it literally means so much to receive feedback on my work. An author's biggest motivation is when people talk top them about the things they've written. Always makes my day 🥺

The dream inspired story was from @polalcee (I didn't get around to reading it yet either, shame on me ;_;)

Lots of hugs back to you! Hope everything is good and that you maybe get more time for fun things like tumblr again, too 🤭

[luvdsc]

Hihi Cat! I've come to deliver some good news! (This is pretty long huhu ToT)

MY ERB HAS BEEN APPROVED AND I CAN PROCEED TO RECRUIT PARTICIPANTS!! Ahh it's been such a blessing to be able to proceed immediately! I've actually hit my target amount of participants in less than a day (IT'S CRAZY) but I'm gonna collect more responses cuz the more the better! (Would you wanna check the questionnaire out? I can PM you the link!! :3)

Also also I PASSED THAT FINALS! The one I took a day after my vaccination (1st dose) ToT GAHH I'm so happy I won't even ask for more, it's enough :3

I've been writing my thesis during this sem break but it's progressing pretty slowly cuz I've been so drained from last semester and the vaccine itself. Huhu but I've written a brief rundown for my proposal so there's a rough idea there, just needa rly assemble it into a clear narrative. And yes I agree! Psychology studies are a beautiful fusion of science & human essence imo, and its fascinating learning more abt ourselves and how we as the human species progress in life ya know? 😌

I got my second dose exactly a week ago and got the same side effects - headache, arm soreness, hunger, fatigue; I felt like a fusion of psyduck & snorlax HAHAHAHA 😂 - it wasn't anything serious so yay I'm fully vaccinated! (in a few weeks time keke I'll be)

HAHAHAHA my vaccination appointments were pretty eventful. The nurses and volunteers were all so warm and friendly! I'm the type of person who feels whatever's being injected into me, it's not the pain that I wanna distract myself from (it wasn't pain tbh) but that sluggish discomfort I get from the needle ejaculation >//< sooo as they showed me the vile and syringe before injecting me, I prepped my Yangyang photocard in my hand. During my second dose, the nurse thought I had some fancy way of taking a video when in actual fact I was just looking at my Yangyang photocard hehe UwU she asked me whether I wanted to see the needle going in (smtg I can't look at tbh) and I was like HELL NAH ToT

And also some recap from the previous ask!

There's no need to apologise for the delayed response okie!! UwU my sem break is ending this week, but I've spent my time completing my academic research trainee tasks (transcribing audio clips), I've also created the content & design for my uni's newsletter, did some thesis writing, and I took a course on financial planning on Coursera to prep myself for the adulting life ToT

And idm sharing my back up / failed topics! I didn't have a lot of cards in my hands, but here are some of em!

1) time perspective and meaning in life 2) anticipatory nostalgia 3) not a topic but a variable! fragility of happiness / happiness aversion

what ideas did you settle on for yr art pieces? If you dm sharing, I'd love to hear abt it! 💖💖💖

Tbh I can't think of a fav ice cream flavor hmm 🤔 i rly didn't think it'd be so hard thinking of a fav ice cream flavor but the first that comes to mind is green tea! I like them milky flavored ice cream😍 though my fav from this ice cream place I go to is thai milk tea, it's so fragrant and milky!! 🥺💖 I just got myself a tub of milk & biscoff gelato keke UwU what's yr fav ice cream flavor? :3

For my course structure:

We have 2 long sems (Jan - Apr, & Aug - Dec, 16 weeks) & a short sem (May - July, 9 weeks)! Our sem breaks are only around a month then it's back to sleepless nights ToT AND YES those weeks were the most stressful weeks ever 🥺😭 I'm glad I'm graduating soon for that reason 😂(though idk what awaits in the working world ToT that is another fear I have :/)

Thank you for being part of this journey and being open to listening to my lil adventures! 🥺🙆🏻‍♀️💖😭 esp w the amount of responses and ppl helping me, I feel a lil more motivated to work and excel in this pregnancy (thesis, I call it pregnancy cuz it's around 9 months too HEHE) Since the pandemic, it's been pretty hard separating studies & hobbies :/ I've learnt it the hard way from my period cramps last sem (mine's the severe type where you can faint ToT), and it was also on my last paper for finals !! Very traumatizing ._. but I'll continue to manage myself better! :3

Huhu Cat since you're working now, I also wanna ask abt yr experience in job seeking! Cuz unemployment is a real deal here esp. w everything that's going on :') I don't have working experience either (only had 1 through internship) and it literally feels like I'm going into the unknown ToT I've been running over some case studies and assessments just to better prep myself for this. Do you have any advice as someone who's already working? UwU

Take care and stay lovely as always!! 💖💖💖

hi, sweetpea !!!! 🌸 omg major congratulations for getting your ERB approved, honey bee !!!!! 🥳🥳🥳 that’s absolutely amazing, and I’m uber proud of you 🥺💗💗 also, it’s wonderful that you hit the required number of participants so quickly !!!!! (And I would love to participate if the questionnaire is still open 🤧)

AND HECK YEAAA CONGRATS ON PASSING THE FINAL TOO 🤩🤩🤩🤩 big congrats to you all around, miss smarty pants 💓💓💓

Oh gosh, I hope you got to rest during your semester break too ): you’re working so hard, please remember to take care of yourself !! 💕 your mental health is more important 🤍 have you finalized your proposal now? And omg yes exactly !!! It’s so interesting to see the thought process behind an action and how it can be manipulated or influenced by various stimulants or there’s also the argument between nature versus nurture too and how that affects psychology and it’s just all so cool to learn about 🤩

Omg you had so many symptoms, I’m so sorry to hear that 😭 I only had a sore arm, but that’s what happens when I get any shot 🤧 I hope you’re feeling better now 💘💘

I’m really glad to hear that the nurses and volunteers were kind and friendly !! it’s always comforting to have nice people as doctors, especially when you’re trusting them to stick a needle in you bshdjdjdkd omg yangyang to the rescue !!!! 💞💞 we’re not allowed to record record any medical appointments, like I think the nurse thought the person in front of me in line was recording when they were getting their vaccine and said they weren’t allowed to do that 😅 and aaaaa I always have to look when they inject me, I don’t like being taken by surprise 🤧

oh my gosh you were so productive over your semester break !!!! :o and oooo you do content & design for your school’s newsletter? Do you do stuff like graphic designing and write articles? 💓 and how was the financial planning course !! Did you learn a lot? Did you like the studies? :’)

aaaaa those topics sound so cool ??? 🤩🤩 I would definitely be down to read about those omg 💛

for my 3D design class, I decided to do lightbulbs and flowers as my overarching theme for my art pieces !! I included a couple pictures below under the cut at the bottom 💓 the first one is a soft sculpture made out of newspaper, and there’s a pencil next to it for size reference, the second one is made of wires that I shaped myself, and the third one is made of foam boards that I cut and assembled myself as well 💕 and I included a picture of my final painting project! it’s a triptych and I believe the size was like 18 x 24 for each one? If you click on the picture, it should be better quality!

omg I love green tea ice cream too !!!!! 🍵🍦 I like going to somi somi for their matcha and milk swirl ice cream with red bean taiyaki 💚 I only had thai milk tea ice cream once, but it was phenomenal 🤩 I wish they sold it near me too !! milk and biscoff :o I’ve never tried that flavor! I’ll have to see if it’s sold around here :’) green tea is my favorite, but I also really like everything but the... from Ben and Jerry’s !! 💛 also alcoholic ice cream.... like there’s this one kind where it was a breakfast esque type with vanilla, corn flakes, and bourbon, and it was delicious 😋

omg what 😭😭 you’re basically going to school year round with no break bahsjdjdjdkd when I was in uni, i had a month off for winter break (usually something like dec 9 - jan 9) and then mid june to mid September off, so around three months of summer vacation? Your school schedule sounds absolutely brutal 💀💀

and omg of course !!! Thank you for letting me be a part of the journey 🥺💗 bdjdjddj pregnancy omg that’s such an interesting way of seeing it :o sending you all my love and support for a successful delivery of your thesis baby 🥰🥰 oh yeah, it’s definitely been a struggle to separate everything, especially when the lines between home and workspace blur with online school or working from home. And oh my god ???? Are you okay ?? Did you go see a doctor or take any medication? I hope you’re feeling better now !! Please take care of yourself 😭

ah, I got my job through my internship, so I’m not sure how helpful I will be 😅 but during the process of interviewing for internships, there were several rounds for each company that range from a group interview, a one on one interview, video interview where they give you random questions that you have to answer on the spot (some of mine were discuss the stock market, give a sales pitch on something you’re interested in, etc), a test, etc. I think it’s different depending on the job you’re going for, but that’s what I had to do in the business field! It’s important to study and prep for all of this!! It’s like taking an verbal exam for one of your classes. And also make sure to study the company’s website and familiarize yourself with what they do/sell.

My one piece of overall advice would be about interviews! Interviews are important in which the person interviewing you is seeing if you’ll be a good fit with the company, not in terms of skill, but personality. They already know you’re qualified and have good skills - that’s how you got the interview. With the interview, they’re essentially trying to see how personable you are and if you will work well with their team. Some people are so intent on proving their skills that they kinda just rattle off all their achievements and whatnot, and it’s like... the interviewer already knows this, it’s all on the resume they reviewed when they decided to give the interview offer. Be friendly, open, maybe make a little small talk at the beginning (“hey, how are you? any weekend plans / how was your weekend?” This is what I did for all my business interviews, and I got an offer back from every one 🤧💗), make appropriate jokes / be a little funny, just show that you’d be a fun person to have in the office whom people will want on their team, but that you will also be dedicated to the job and work hard 💘

And thank you so much, honey bee!!! 💞 I hope you’re doing well and having a good week , and please take care as well 🌷🌷

[the-entity-with-determination]

Monday, 28th of May 2018 (5:51)

Dear diary,

I've come back, I thought I didn't need you anymore because I thought I got better. Seems I was wrong. I'm feeling like shit again. I hate it that when you start to think you got better, everything comes crumbling down again. Like. I was building this wall of happiness for two months, it was stable until this storm of negativity crushed it with a single blow.

I've been feeling emotionaly drained out. Or maybe more like drowning in emotions and not being able to breathe, chocking slowly. I'm back to listening to depressing music, not doing any sorts of self care, being harsh to myself mentally, not defending myself, scratching my skin til it bleeds, distancing myself from people or any interaction (cuz when I feel vulnerable I do not want to dissapoint or make people worry about me). There's one more negative thing I've started doing. Well. For school and my grades it may be good. But for my mental health it's pure torture. I started making myself think that if I don't study for something and just lay around and do nothing or "chill" I will fail in that subject, then having to repeat a year, which ai obviously will not allow so I drop out of school, which follows with being a highschool dropout and leading a miserable life and not being able to do the things I love, which I also don't want to happen so it follows with suicide.

I just find it amazing how the education system is making some students go insane because of school. It's abnormal to think that if you fail a grade you will die. But I do. And it's the only thing that motivates me to study. I'm afraid it's the only motivation that can make me productive. Trust me. I've tried any kind of technique. None of them worked. None of them made me motivated and productive. And then. I remembered an upperclassman (which graduates this year) saying that fear is the best motivation. And he was right.

This technique brings me a lot of mental pain. But I've got no other choice. I want to lead a successful life as an adult. I do not want to end up living off of the money of my parents, and I also want to pay back my parents. Because I was a complicated little shit to raise. And still am. I mostly want to pay them back because I feel ashamed of all the failures I have done. Just thinking about those dissapointed faces of my parents makes me feel like drowning.

And the comments from my father like "I knew you were going to fail" or the one comment that I'll probably remember for the rest of my life is this one: In the year 2016 I had an entrance exam for my current school. It was hard and nerve wrecking and the chances that I'm going to pass were grim. But I made it and felt so proud of myself. But then my father said. "Tbh I thought you would fail."

And just hearing that you'll never be enough for a parent is just so. Frustrating. My father is an A+ parent, isn't he? When your child succeeds in something and is proud of it, you should be proud with them, and not the complete opposite by saying that you had no hope for them.

My father never had any hope in me. I'm always going to be a dissapointment in his eyes.

"No matter what you touch, it'll break!" "Can't you do anything right?" "I shouldn't have let you do that." And so on.

One more thing why I want to graduate, study in a university and have a stable and good paying job is to escape from this home.

I love my parents. But sometimes they really do leave big emotional scars on me. And I don't want to stand that abusive behavior my whole life.

Moving on. Now about my school situation.

My grades are honestly better than ever. But. My emotional state is worse than ever. And not gonna lie, I deserve it. I almost did nothing for school the whole semester until the recent month. But I'm also proud of my ability to study something in a short time (which you would normally study for a whole semester) and have a great mark on it at the end. But. It drains a lot of mental energy. But thankfully. All this is only temporary. After school ends. I'll be fine again.

But.

There's this one huge concern of mine. Math. I've never been good at that fucker.

Now. If you didn't know, I've already repeated the 9th grade (so I was in 9th grade last year (but never repeated a class before) and am in a ninth grade again). And there was a big list of subjects I've failed in. And one of them was math.

So. According to Samurai, you cannot fail the same subject two years in a row. Because you'd have to repeat a year AGAIN. And I honestly had another big mental breakdown once I've read that information.

I have 3 attempts on succeeding in math and not getting a bad mark. Which gives me a little bit of hope. 1. One is the exam (which is in 10 days so I doubt I'll succeed this one cuz I also gotta concentrate on other subjects) 2. One is the oral exam. And the 3. One is the huge exam at the beginning of the year. And I really hope I don't have to do that one cuz tbh it's a pain in the ass.

Today I'm feeling really fucking bad (cuz of all the mental shit) and also physically cuz my stomach had been being weird since Saturday. I'll probably have to check myself up at the doctor. Like. I feel like puking all the time but I'm still able to eat and not make that puke feeling worse. And I can't sleep properly cuz of that feeling.

So. I won't be at school today. But I'll try to force myself to study. Cuz I really gotta succeed this year.

See ya (6:56)