#but i dont watch enough streams and i just know im missing good content

[kushamiqueen]

Any fellow Ni//ji//san//ji fans here? I'm really getting into it hard right now and would love to discuss!!

[solardrink]

that song is playing again. ranboo jokes about being a mirror for halloween to really scare people. we laugh in parasocial concern but mostly relate. ranboo considers going to a furry convention. he has a gaydar for his fans. we can tell. someone took his cookie. we all know it was tubbo. he has raised over 200 thousand dollars for people in need. he has randomly lost his train of thought. nevermind, its about merch. the ding of collecting ores in minecraft plays over and over. hes leaking merch ideas. it is so late holy shit. this man is going to pass out i dont believe for a second hes going for 10 more hours. he says he has a bunch of hours left but I Do Not Believe him. there is so much love and support here. people talk about their experiences and funny stories and people all over the world, enough to fill a stadium. react and smile. ranboo misses chipotle, poor man misses his tex-mex type food from cali. hes talking about benchtrio and i am Listening Intently. theres a hierarchy apparently. ranboos at the bottom for doing things suggestions. L. tubbo and ranboo are both weak to tommy if he says no to something which is very funny to me. ranboo is talking about their dynamic like rock paper scissors. tubbo and tommy would rather die than go somewhere a mile away. ranboo is most definitely the mom friend. he brings extra battery packs and masks for his friends if they need them. this boy is so endearing. tommy can ask for any of ranboos stuff and ranboo will probably give it to him cause he cant say no. ranboo cant be mad when tubbo ate 3/4 of his chocolate because he didnt say how much he could have. ranboo stares at a piece of iron ore for 3 minutes because he doesnt know where it came from. "nothing and everything is going on." hes asking if a food was made from chemicals but had the same flavor and shape and texture would we eat it? i have no idea it sounds kinda weird but maybe. ranboo says if it tastes good he would and i kinda expected that answer. he is yawning and i am yawning. i feel like this song has played already. i feel like this song has played already. he believes that milk before cereal is obviously wrong but hates arguing his case- a real libertarian centrist i expected nothing less from the man who orchestrates c!ranboo. hes now talking about people yelling about content creators and im lowkey caught offguard cause i wasnt listening. i miss tubbo. his phone fell why does this happen so often. "GIVE US SOME MONEY" hes talking about the mcyttwt thread and i fuckin agree it is the funniest thing holy shit. that also means that he has seen the covid stuff about wilbur and the "white, gay, man, loona stan, pick a struggle tweet" about tubbo and i dont how to feel about that tidbit. i have also read all of it, if you havent please do. i expected nothing less from ranboo to enjoy it. he is permenantly talking in his sleep which is interesting and also concerning. oliver has bought amongus plushies. someones cat is watching the stream. ranboos favorite cat breed are the ones that look. just kidding its black and white ones. his worst recent nightmare is him messing up on a facecam stream which is a bit sad. i put a D: in chat to express the kind of parasocial emotion i feel. he would steal your chips. he would reimburse you because he would feel bad though. ranboo read "effortlessly" wrong which is very ironic and funny. he messed up saying it again. hes quitting the internet. he had a pretty bad nightmare :(. i want tubbo when is he coming back. ranboos getting better at bridging in minecraft. he did pretty well imo. ba bow bow now now now now. thanks for the 25 tier ones. he will paint his nails eventually. one day. one day. im teasing he will most likely do it maybe. he would probably pierce his ears and i am excited about that a normal amount. ba now bow na bow now. ouch facial dysmorphia ow streamer ow. this sucks. i am feeling trauma dumped on but this is okay. dono is asking where would he get chicken nuggets and fries and he doesnt know. i want chicken nuggets. WHAT THE HECKKK THE BURNER WHO

POSTED THE MCYTTWT THREAD DEACTIVATED CAUSE RANBOO TALKED ABOUT THEM :(( crap. ranboo didnt mean that to happen but its ok :( there are so many hearts in this dam chatroom. im glad there are so many hearts here. tens of thousands of people here being sympathetic and kind. ranboo is not sleeping. invisibility and shape shifting are the super powers he would pick if he could. we know why ouch. 100% of proceeds are going to charity: water. people are intimidated by ranboo. i am not. wilbur is a little scary though. ranboo doesnt know his personality type, i dont either i think i took the test at least twice but i still dont remember what i got. this song is playing again. im not mad angry people by lemon demon is one of my favorite songs. pepeDS. ranboo our variety streamer <3 my favorite non-mcyt. but actually can ranboo be considered a mcyt. because all his yt videos are not mc they are in fact cooking/furniture building/internet funnies. ranboo is going to have a gummy. yum. donos cat died and is still dead- which leaves the comical opportunity for the cat to be resurrected. WHAT HE DOESNT LIKE CHEESECAKE THAT MUCH BECAUSE THE AFTERTASTE? this man mustve had dairy free cheesecake wtf where is he getting his cheesecake from. hes very mature talking about his facial dysmorphia in a technical manner and i find that admirable. ou ch he knows what it means to use unconventional methods to fix facial dysmorphia ow ow ow fuck im a poc and i used to be self conscious of my nose when i was younger shit. "i bet you think ketchup is spicy white boy." i am going to sob. hes leaving michael headcanons to the writers/artists <3 i think that is pretty neat. chat he said piglin not penguin, dumbasses. im kidding i love chat this stream they are too hivemind and silly to be anything but well-behaved besides spamming. he is a hufflepuff. so am i. i took that damn quiz three times. he has not tried beans on toast because he is scared. i would be too. dono reminded all of us when dreamworks tried to make sexy fish. ranboo is upset now. im not mad that lady fish was pretty hot. ignore that. he wants us hot fish enjoyers out of his chat. im not leaving. i cant breathe im having so much fun. 5 more minutes until 12 hours. im not sure if this man has taken a bathroom break once. woo theres a hype train. hes talking about that one tiktok audio where theres an edit of minecraft streamers being told by their chat to say ____ rights or else they are homophobic. ranboos right its hilarious. i think i might end this post now smile bye bye :)

[sendyefrogs]

saudade

a/n: WELL. im back! *confetti pops out*. i mean, kinda hehe, apologies im absolutely swamped with school and my degrading mental health :). n e way, this is LONG, because i’ve missed writing a lot <3  wrote this for @sykuui, this is long overdue babe tw: verbal and (probably) physical abuse, kuroo just being a gigantic dick, dont come after me pls ily, cheating, swearing word count: 2K (word vomit ;-;) pairing: kuroo x gn!reader genre: angst (if it’s not very good, pls forgiveness, internet person)

What keeps you up at night?

Gentle snores, his soft hair brushing your arm, muffled breaths reminding you that the world knew not of the Kuroo that slept by you at night, unburdened by the worldly dilemmas. For just a few hours every night, he was yours, through and through, in your arms while the clouds drifted across the jet black sky with no destination, and the moment seemed to freeze.

Love, love for Tetsuro, is what kept you up, and it would never have once crossed your naïve mind that love is what would break you, keeping you up, not for the love you felt, but the love that was torn from you.

Simple signs would not tell you what happened, it came crashing down on you all too quick, for he was proficient at hiding it, behind his caring smiles and affectionate touches. His love wasn’t as pure as yours, he did not yearn for you as you did for him, and it showed, eventually enough. The cracks in the relationship built up gradually, slowly but prominently, too wide for either to bandage up alone, and that is how you found yourselves; alone.

He did try to provide for the both of you as best he could, being the sole income earner, and it didn’t always end well when you expressed that maybe he was too occupied by his office for your liking, unable to care for you as he once did throughout high school, when he was attentive to you no matter when you beckoned.

“Tetsuro, welcome home!” You’ve had a long day and not nearly enough time with your husband, deprived of his peppering kisses and gentle strokes of your hair. You get neither, receiving just a simple grunt, and it is clear he has had a grueling time as well. “Dinner is ready when you want it.” He nods slightly, not making eye contact with you yet, his hair appearing even less groomed than usual. You stand on your tip toes to kiss his forehead, but he shoves you away, harder than playful, glaring at you.

Maybe it’s just weariness, but he makes no attempt to apologize. You blink back the sting of tears, walking towards the kitchen to serve the food that you had learnt to make for him. He’s just tired. I’m sure he didn’t mean to push me away. That was the first tear, in the loosely woven fabric that was your relationship, that began as high school sweethearts but was now, you realized only later, becoming too stifling for Tetsuro.

The steam rose of the bowl of rice and curry, curling around your jawline as you carried it to the tall figure seated at the table, with his head in his palms. “Do you want to talk now, baby?” Your question is only answered with another sound of fatigue. You seat yourself beside him, curling your arms around his bicep, watching him lift the spoon to his mouth, trying to make him comfortable. You wanted to show him that you’d be there when he wanted to share his exhaustion with you, never occurring to you that maybe, it was exhaustion of you that plagued Tetsuro’s mind.

“Y/n, can you please be quiet for once?” It was barely a whisper; you weren’t sure if you heard him right.

“Huh?”

“Just shut up for once, god.” The tears stung again. What was with him today? He seemed genuinely mad, but you didn’t know what you had done to make him behave like this.

Little did you know, it wasn’t actually you, but the idea of you. Kuroo had grown to be frustrated with his daily routine, tired that every day was the same, that his life had lost that spark it had when he peaked in high school, your presence monotonous and the marriage empty. He didn’t want it.

“Tetsuro, why would you-?” His hand swiped out, knocking the bowl off the table, a gasp erupting from your mouth. In that moment, all you can think about is to get as far away from him as possible. There is an uncharacteristic bitterness in his eyes, directed towards you as you lie in his line of vision. You flinch as he raises his hand to run fingers through his hair. Without a second thought, he spits his frustration out at you.

“Y/n, I’ve had a long fucking day, and I don’t need you to make it even worse with your constant questioning.” The chair slides back with a scrape, not unlike the scrape of his words against your soul. There is, and always has been, an insecurity bubbling away in you that maybe you aren’t good enough for Tetsuro, maybe he deserves better, maybe you are too overwhelming for the calm male that now stands enraged in front of you.

“You need to learn to shut the fuck up sometimes, because no one wants to listen to your endless whining. I get it, you need constant reassurance that you’re the perfect partner, but I couldn’t be fucking bothered. And you sure aren’t perfect with how clingy you’re being right now. So shut up, and leave me alone.”

Kuroo knocks over a jug of water on his way out, slamming the door over the sound of it shattering as your sobs rack through your body, dry but hard enough to hurt.

Being furious wasn’t a thought that occurred to you, and whether this was his fault made no difference, because it was yourself you blamed when you found him the next day, with his secretary, the bento lunch you had packed him, to resolve the night’s arguments, spilled over the wooden floor, much like the shattered pieces of your heart.

What broke you, was that there was no chase; Tetsuro didn’t come after you, didn’t try to convince you to stay, didn’t try to explain that this was a mistake, didn’t even try to salvage a nine-year long relationship that he tossed out the window of his high-rise office building, not a single second glance back at the spouse that had supported him through his struggles, through thick and through thin, comforting him when things got tough, consoling him as he lost matches, lost money, lost old friends.

Gratitude wasn’t something he had ever considered. You were always there after all, there to ensure that he was happy, that he was content with his unchanging life, the responsibility of being his unpredictable little spark of excitement weighing down on you.

You were gone that night, with hurriedly packed bags, worn out spirit and tears streaming down your face, sparkling as they dripping onto the marbled floor, sparkling like the diamond of your wedding ring that you left behind on the counter top, with one last admiring glance. It was worth a lot, but not enough for what you were being put through. And recognition of that fact is what liberated you, to start your own life, without a Kuroo Tetsuro.

What keeps you up at night?

Y/n. Bubbling laughter and affectionate aura. Everything that was gone, that now made Kuroo’s life… empty; as empty as he had left the relationship, as empty as the void that was once filled with y/n’s warm smiles, that he now attempted to fill with anyone who would throw themselves at him.

A different face to wake up to everyday, but none of them yours, the only one he longed to see, heart aching as though it might burst out of his chest to find its rightful place with you.

The day after you left, he had had no idea that his life would crumble without you, the backbone around which he organized his life, the foundation for his happiness. He knew it was unfair to put the expectation of his functioning on you, but he did it anyway, and without you, he couldn’t wrap his head around the concept that was independence.

“Tetsuro”, his seventh secretary in two months waltzed into the room, carrying a stack of files, discovering him with his head in his hands, glaring up at the one who dared use the name that you had so loving adorned upon him, the word only perfect on your tongue. “Do you want me to spend the night again? You seem tense.”

Kuroo growled, at the audacity they had, suggesting that they were even worth attempting to comfort him like you did. With a swipe of his hands, he knocked the files off the table, standing up to spit his frustrations out at the secretary.

But one glance at the look of apprehension on their face made him buckle, reminding him of the very last night he spent with you, broken jug, bowl of curried rice upside down on the floor. You; cowering from him, frightened of what he would do to you, flinching as he raised his hand.

Dry choking sobs left his mouth, you were afraid of him, the person you had loved more than life itself, given up everything to make happy, and he had never even uttered a word of gratefulness.

Realization engulfed him, leaving him on his knees. He hadn’t shown you how much he loved you, forgetting or simply just ignoring you.

No wonder you were gone, because what was there to stay for, in the dead-end life that you lived, without a loving husband or self-contentment? What had he done? Why had you stayed for so long?

Why had you stayed up all those nights for him?

Tetsuro never could forget about you, the absence of you gnawing away at him, slowly taking over his life. The final straw that broke him irreparably was you, at the national volleyball match that you attended, not for him, but as a sports reporter, beaming in pride in your professional outfit.

Your independence is what did it, because if you could live without him, it mean you would never return. And why should you, after everything he had done, why should you when you had finally found yourself, why should you when there was nothing to return to?

His eyes followed you around, trying to take in as much of you as he could. Interviewing people, smiling at them, the warm smile that was once only for him. Suddenly, your eyes locked, and he froze, standing close enough to see the hurt swim in yours as you lay them upon him, and the moment was over just as quickly as it began.

“Hajime!” What? Why were you yelling out his name, jumping into his arms, fondly glancing up at him with that adoring look, completely forgetting about the one man that had been missing you for so long? Why weren’t you running back to him instantly? Did you not love him?

But Kuroo knew the truth.

You did love him, just, not anymore. He had lost you the second he took you for granted. And he wanted to yell that he would never do it again, come back to him, please just stay with him, he will always love you.

He couldn’t. The beam reaching from end to end of your glowing face, words bubbling over as Iwaizumi held you close, it was too bright to interrupt. The sparkle in your eyes not unlike the diamond that sparkled on your wedding ring, the one he still kept in his pocket, in hope that you would one day, return to him, forgive him, love him again. But-

Kuroo knew that he didn’t keep you up at night anymore.

[fandom-sheep]

Eret Dream SMP

10 APR 21 Delayed Liveblogging Part 1/1

Alright I’m 2 hours late because I missed the notification

But it looks like we’re building an ice highway and talking anime so all’s good.

I love all the people shouting Yuri on Ice. Just everyone shouting for him to watch the gay show.

Their not up for “sexy lamp” females in shows. Understandable.

Cool being with her flower crown.

Yuck. Why is a 14 year old writing a love letter to a 24 year old? IM SORRY THEY FELL IN LOVE WHEN SHE WAS 10?!?

A lot of people shouting about assassination classroom as well. It was actually a pretty good show.

I won’t ask what banana fish is..

Eret’s moving out of the tower?

Not into his castle no no.

Nah into the neato fortress.

Poor being just wants to be near the others.

Time to watch the ye of the poll go ZOOOOM

Given? Haven’t heard of that one.

Yeah I was really late.

Ad and void time let’s go! We love the void.

Multiplayer ad! Let’s get the Eret some extra ad money!

The void art is so cute. I wonder who did it? I’ll have to search and find out.

Let’s vote Bois!

I’m saving up my bits for a water and I’m at 10.8k and I’m always so tempted to use them to unlock emotes but I know I need to wait to get to my goal.

I’m almost better at saving bits than money

Firefighters? Well duh there was a fire.

This poor king. So many concerning things.

Now everyone wants a sad-ist react.

I agree to wait for an animatic stream. It’s always awesome when Eret reacts to all those little animatics that didn’t have a lot of views.

Already back to talking about sexism in anime

Fortress expansion! Woo!

Pretty being deserves to be complicated with the work they put in their appearance.

Ah a sus on the horizon.

Ah. The sonic man is committing arson. That is acceptable to the leader of the lgbt twitch kids.

A combination pop and bonk sound when the bottle opens.

Oh wait my comment got read I forget that happens here. That’s happens to me multiple times at this point. Am I just lucky or do others have that happen?

Oh he said below the age of 13. I thought I said under the age of 30 for a second and I was so confused.

Chat kids. Hons. Dont say your exact age on the internet anywhere for any reason. The only options are adult. Older minor. Younger minor. Maybe only adult and minor in most scenarios.

Ah is sniff here? Sniff’s cool.

Stupidly long songs are almost always awesome songs.

About to switch from watching on my iPad and typing on my phone to doing both on my phone.

Hank Green follows Eret on TikTok?

Alright I’ve swapped to my phone to watch and type

Ah we beat the sub goal.

Defenestration such as “be quiet or I will defenestrate you”

I hear this being quoting a tiktok. I know because I also watched that tiktok.

Overmorrow is one of my favorite words. Everyone forgets it but it’s great.

No headaches. Those aren’t allowed.

Twitter. Be nice to the king.

If any CC should come to tumblr Eret should. He would fit in well.

“Twitter needs to cancel itself” I wholly agree. Twitter is only good for fanart. It’s no fun any other way.

Twitter is the on fire garbage can that tumblr was. Now tumblr is just a chill campfire.

People don’t accept that people learn. People like to pull out old things that don’t reflect their now views.

Eret’s chat is so chill. Even when unhappy about Twitter.

Switching from talking negative things. Nice.

Awww. Everyone chanting about tumblr. We are superior.

Does yahoo own tumblr? I wouldn’t know. Poor tumblr seems like its run by a whole 4 people.

Eret’s chat is also super nice to one another. Like they try to answer each other’s questions about what’s going on and the like.

I love how the chat goes nuts with the appropriate hearts when people come out.

Dress the way ya want. Life’s better that way.

Ooo. I’m going to add a sponge to the kit I keep in case a kid I work with or a friend starts having a panic attack.

Building content is always thrilling. I can’t do that stuff so it’s fun watching building.

The poor rock just saw the verified mark and didn’t stop to think.

And it was his own brand as well. And he didn’t even delete it and try to recover.

Chat just singing along to the song. I love this chat so much. They are so sweet.

I wonder what Eret’s chat “personifies” as in the smp if we do?

This man isn’t encouraging that tattoo but if it happens he demands to see it.

Chat just yelling Bye.

I probably won’t make a post for whoever we raid.

I just don’t think I feel wordy enough for that.

Off we go to the other lgbt mine being!

That last second hype train. LOL

Also poor Eret scared the audience won’t come back. She doesn’t realize that her audience is like a lot of puppies.

She could tell us to wait for next stream and we would wait there for however long it takes for her to get back. Be it a day or several months. We would wait and then be really hyper and happy when she returns.

Anyway. Farewell you all!

[tinydemondragon]

thinking about dreamsmp instead of my homework and what annoys me about the fandom specifically and how it compares to what annoys me in book fandoms, particularly when it comes to character and character treatment.

so, bare with me here as this may not necessarily be coherent as I'm just mainly organizing my thoughts here. for comparison I'm going to be relating this to all for the game, henceforth aftg, as it's the book series I've been most obsessed with recently.

first, let's talk about story, particularly point of view and how it impacts a viewers thoughts/feelings on certain characters. for a book, you tend to only get one characters pov (in this case neil). you get to know this character and their thought processes really well, because that's all you know. but generally these characters aren't always right (if the story is good, anyway) and they often work with either a) not enough information or b) information that they believe to be true but isn't.

this means that these characters thoughts and feelings on a different character may not be fully fleshed out. more than that, as these characters don't know what they dont know, they often don't do care to dive into why someone is the way they is. and that's awesome! because it gives your mc nuance! it gives conflict! and sometimes they do actually learn more about that character and their view changes, which is a great way to show growth!

for example, Neil, at the beginning of the series, fucjing hates Andrew, and the audience totally gets why. I mean, their first interaction is neil being thwacked in the chest with a racket. not a great first interaction. not to mention, the violent rumors that are really only being reinforced by this interaction.

so neil, and by extension most of the audience, fucking hate Andrew. this is further reinforced by seemingly monstrous and over the top actions (drugging, breaking and entering, pulling a knife) that really don't put Andrew in a good light.

but over the course of the series, Neil sees the horrors Andrew had to face to be the way he is. Neil begins to understand Andrew, begins to like him (and love him, but thats a whoooole other convo within the fandom itself given the way love and healing from trauma is in the series it self). by the end of the series they're dating(? again, kind of hard to explain given the source material.)

point is, how the person you're reading the pov of impacts how you see the other characters. you start to develop ideas on these characters on the information presented to you in the emotional light given to you. I adore Andrew for example! but I also know if I had met him irl I'd probably hate him. because I wouldn't know him.

but the thing is, the opposite is true, too. you see this in Aaron, Andrew's twin, who neil really does not like. I wouldn't say he hates him but they get into more than one verbal fight, and they get into a physical at one point. and most of the fandom doesn't like him either! and this gets to the point I'm trying to make here.

the fandom doesn't like Aaron because neil doesn't. if you actually care enough to dive into his backstory, past the emotional veil that neil gives the reader, he's actually a sympathetic character who's just as deserving of redemption than Andrew if not more so imo

apply this to the dream smp.

for dsmp the best part about it is the wealth of character information you get due to the wealth of streams/content you get. for the most part people tend to pick one or two ccs/characters and stick to them for the sake of time and simplicity, but that doesn't mean that other information doesn't exist. unlike with book series, you can actually go and see their pov or read recaps or watch clips and get an actual sense for their motivations, without the cloudiness of you preferred characters emotions and the false or missing information they're working on.

this is where my grievance comes in. because I hate the fact that people can absolve Andrew of his actions but refuse to understand that you can do the same for Aaron. but at least I can understand that. most people don't want to analyze a story and analyze why they feel the way they do about a book character and you know what? more power to them! you're not required to do that to enjoy a book and you're allowed to find joy however you please.

and sometimes that means people do analysis of these characters and they don't separate the truth from what neil percieves to be true and its frustrating but damn if it isn't understandable. they're only working with one pov after all.

but dsmp? where (most) of the other povs are right there? where recaps and clips are right there? and you're still not bothering to see past what your preferred characters pov is? when even the ccs themselves admit they've got flawed views on what's happening and that their characters aren't always right (again, as it should be in any good story). no. im sorry but no.

again, I want to reiterate that you do NOT have to like these characters. I'm not a huge fan of Tommy's character tbh, but you know what? you also won't see me doing in depth character analysis of his whole character arc. maybe an interaction (see my post on trauma and his reaction to dream being in the house at technos) but I won't go in depth on his character motivations because I don't watch his pov! i don't watch clips or read recaps or any of that! so I know that my information is flawed and often incorrect!

you can still do these character analysis I suppose, but at least say from x characters pov this is how this character seems. because to not at least mention that is to do that character and that story a disservice and frankly I don't want to see it.

[angeloncewas]

yeah i totally agree with what you said about satire and schlatt basically taking the easy way out. it seems like since that video he's kinda eased back from doing that shit, either bc the backlash or bc his friends have started verbally calling him out on it, both to his face and through making comments about him on stream (comments as in like saying they dont agree with what he did and saying they thought that video was terrible, not like them shading him or whatever ajsksk) which is good but also i wouldnt be surprised if something like that video happened again just bc like. it is his career and at this point he has to know what his larger fanbase is like to an extent, which means he also knows those terrible fucking jokes will make him money. i dont like that, but im also not gonna sit around and pretend like i cant see the fucking obvious, ya know? from what ive seen of him when he's not putting on a show for his main channel, or when he isnt around people who both encourage and enable his bad behavior (not saying this to shift blame, ive just noticed how he goes from making actually funny jokes that are harmless or, at most, a pretty obvious example of him poking fun at shitty people, at least imo, to like. straight up just being offensive when he's with people like swagger, miz, etc. vs ted, charlie and so on), he seems like a pretty good guy and its pretty clear to me that he doesnt hold the same views as the character he plays up for his main channel but that doesnt change the fact that his audience is now full of the worst kinds of people and that is how he makes money.

as someone who, again, watched idubbbz, as well as filthyfrank, they both stated they were playing characters and they didnt agree with the shit they were joking about, joji especially, but them saying that isnt very well known by even their own fanbase who just watches their main channel stuff, bc the one video where joji made that explicitly clear what he was doing, he later deleted for people harassing him in the comments (it was an old ass video where he basically said that playing those characters was giving him literal health problems, specifically stress induced seizures, and his comments were so bad that he never made an ooc video on his main channel again) and the one video i can think of where ian explicitly said he was playing a character was like an hour long podcast with h3, which most people dont even wanna watch bc it is a painfully uncomfortable one hour, considering the fact that they are supposed to be friends. besides that, the only other time they were really out of character was in vlogs with maxmoefoe, and they still did their offensive bits from time to time bc it was still going up on youtube, even if it wasnt their main channel. compare that to schlatt who has, as far as i know, never explicitly said he's playing a character, and the closest he has gotten to saying that was in some weekly slap video that i cant remember the title of bc all those videos kinda blend together if im being honest. like they definitely show a different, better side of him, but they are also all really short videos with only gameplay to watch and he never even promotes the channel, so its not like the shitty people watching him are like "hm time to take some time out of my day to go watch big man schlatt give people advice and be a genuine person for once", right?

idk. schlatt is just such a weird person for me bc like. he is a big comfort for me, i really do enjoy his content when he's not making bad stabs at satire (bc sometimes he does it right!! but a lot of the time, at least recently, he has just missed the mark entirely, to the point where it feels like he wasnt even trying to hit the mark at all), but he is also so uncomfortable to watch sometimes just bc he seems to either not know where the line is, or thinks crossing it is okay bc its him playing a character and that's not fun to watch as a minority who often ends up being apart of that "punchline".

that aside tho...yes, unfortunately idubbbz does still make content (and i say unfortunately bc it is not very good) though it seems like he is very slow to upload and last i checked, the views arent too great, but ive seen worse. probably the only thing that could bring back his views at this point would be a content cop, but like a year or so back he said he has no plans of continuing the series bc he finds it boring now, which is fair enough. i dont really keep up with him anymore, but as far as i know, he just got married to anisa and he streams on twitch sometimes, besides that the dude is a mystery to me!

—🦷 (also im sorry if this is formatted weird, for whatever reason tumblr has indented each of my paragraphs with one of those grey line thingys and it wont let me remove it. if it doesnt show up in the actual ask then ignore this!)

This is kind of old now (sorry), but I still wanted to respond because I really appreciate your perspective :)

> I always wonder how people not involved in the fandom view Schlatt. Because wasn't there this thing about Hasan genuinely thinking that he was conservative? And like he obviously doesn't now, but does that not impact how he sees him and his content? I don't mean to dictate friendships - of course - I'm just curious as to the impact of having that audience from an outsider pov. I remember being shocked what that thing happened with the pdp fan, but I later found that many people weren't because they knew the nature of the audience he cultivated; maybe I'm just stupid, I had no idea. (Not that Schlatt and pdp are the same, it's just a loose comparison.)

> No one should face harassment, but I doubt Joji deleting that video helped his case. (I mean ig it worked out in the long term considering everything that happened with his music, but yk.) I'm very sorry for the health problems he faced with the characters themselves though. I don't know much about him but that sounds awful.

> I have thoughts on The Weekly Slap, but I think they make me sound bitter and don't add much so just know that they're there ajfdkjdf. I will say that he doesn't seem like "Jschlatt" in them, and moreso just a guy. I know that he quit it for a number of reasons and one of them was not being comfortable with that kind of connection in relation to his increasing fame, but honestly I think his complete dislodgement from his fanbase isn't healthy either.

> I mean, I get it. I've watched a lot of content from a lot of people - ranging from kind of unpleasant to very unsavory - and it's kind of a weird feeling with YouTube and Twitch stuff. Idk it's like - when I go to the grocery store, I'm not wondering if the guy checking my things out is a racist. When I see a commercial, I don't wonder if that guy advertising chicken nuggets is a secret creep. But with content creation of this kind, it's just a weird thought in the back of my mind. I don't know if this makes sense lmao

> Weird that Idubbz finds content cop "boring." I guess the formula is kind of stale and half of the content was the edge, but it seems like the kind of thing that'd be perfect to capitalize off of around now. Cool that he got married... I think. I mean if he's happy ???

> Don't mind the formatting, and sorry to respond like WAY past when this conversation was relevant T_T. I read it right away but the timing got off with actually being able to type stuff out.

[jemmo]

‘get to know me’ tag game

rules: answer the questions and tag people you’d like to get to know better.

i was tagged by @ena-noya11 and yes this is old but ive been busy with uni and am not gonna miss a chance to rant about myself. but i wont tag anyone, just if you see this do it bc wtf not???

What do you perfer to be called name-wise?

jess, always jess. i cant remember the last time anyone called me jessica. although some people do call me moon which is cute

When is your birthday?

september 23rd

Where do you live?

im as british as they come

Three things you are doing right now:

let me see...im procrastinating from doing my dry lab work bc i cant go back into labs, im listening to my lovely new side m boys (rn its infinite possibilities by s.e.m, who lowkey may be my faves) and im knitting a jumper

Four fandoms that have piqued your interest?

1. atm defo hypmic. cant wait for the 3rd drb release to drop, in need hq black journey

2. also defo defo sk8 i really cant get enough of these skateboard gays, and ive ventured into ao3 and i dont regret it at all 

3. again, idolmaster side m (can you tell i like the 2d idols) i just binged the anime after finishing a uni project and the music is absolute fire i would sell my soul for all of them

4. i hate to say it but the promised neverland, bc the first season was so good and now ive picked up the manga, and personally every single situation ive headcannoned is better than what this season is giving me

How has the pandemic been treating you?

idk really?? like day to day it doesn’t feel that bad, but i feel like it isn’t helping me at all. this is my 4th year of uni which was supposed to be very lab heavy which hasn’t happened, and being away has really dropped my confidence in being able to actually do science. and as a shy person it’s just giving me an excuse to be distant and keep to myself which isn’t good bc i know i need to make an effort to be social. but at least ive been able to spend lots of time with my family which is great bc 3 years of uni has really taught me how much i miss them when im away

but it gave me the perfect opportunity to get into anime which is great bc as a person that in the past hyperfixates and jumps between fandoms, something tells me this is gonna stick

A song you can’t stop listening to right now?

KAIGEN by badass temple. no joke it slaps. as of rn i want them to win the drb, just bc of how hard that song goes

How old are you?

22. fuck im 22, 23 this year. it feels like i only just turned 18, how am i supposed to be an adult now

School, univerisity, occupation, other?

uni, im in my 4th masters year doing biochem (and genetics), although all im studying this year is plants plants plants 

Do you prefer heat or cold?

cold. defo cold. i dont mind the summer but ever since i got heatstroke a couple of years ago in a very very hot paris, ive been scarred

Name one fact others may not know about you.

i love love love watching costube, it is my gig. id love to be able to sew properly and make my own clothes

Are you shy?

definately. unless you are my family, i dont know how to act around you

Pronouns?

she/her

Biggest pet peeves?

people just not being concious of the fact that the world exists kinda?? like people that are just too preocupied with themselves. like its not that hard to just do a helpful job for someone. and you can be completely selfish about it, bc itll make you feel good to help someone else. just be nice.

What is your favorite “dere” type?

lol lowkey i love a bakadere, but only if theyre done well

Rate your life from 1-10, 1 being crappy and 10 being the best it could be.

probably 8, maybe even a 9. i have the best family, and im doing well at uni. i can just hang out, watch anime, do some work, do some crochet or knitting. i have lots of stuff to so and that i want to do which always feels great. but im also right at that turning point where im about to leave uni and have to figure out what my life is gonna be like which is terrifying, and im also at that point where i feel like my entire life revolves around uni work which kinda sucks bc theres other stuff i want to do, like learn to sew, or learn a language, that i just dont have time for. but honestly, i wouldnt have it any other way

What’s your main blog?

youre on it

List your side blogs and what they’re used for.

none. i dont have time or the mental capacity to cope with side blogs. this is just the mess of content and stream of concious rants you get

Is there something people need to know about you before becoming friends?

i SUCK at communicating. like i actively dislike communicating unless it is a 1 on 1 face to face conversation. so if i dont message you, it doesnt mean i hate you. i just suck at keeping in contact with people, and am working on it. so please just talk to me, bc ill never not want to talk

lol if you got to the end thanks and see ya 

[kilibaggins]

So, I got an Anon Hate: 

That I want to respond to, but I also want to just block them, so I’m making this separate post. 

You know what? You’re right! I don’t post original content a lot! Most of my content is reblogs and shitposts at this point. And honestly? I like that. It’s a lot less stressful than pushing out a bunch of fanfics. 

(From here on it gets pretty upsetting and sad so watch out please. i tried to tag triggers but theres probably some im missing)

I am a trans guy, who is forced to be deadnamed, misgendered, etc. Every. Single. Day. My mental health is very low. I am sad most of the time. I have mood swings Where I’m happy one moment, but then Horribly sad the next. 

I have school 5 out of 7 days. Most weeks im working 6 out of 7 or even a full week just on school. I have a very hard time concentrating on the work, so It takes me much longer than “normal”. An assignment meant to take 20 minutes can take up to 50 or even an hour. I am slow. It is VERY hard for me to concentrate and understand what I am learning. 

I am almost constantly tired in some way. Physically, mentally, emotionally, etc. I don’t like being out of bed most days, and If I could? I’d be in my bed every minute of every day forever. 

I have arguments with my parents at least every two days, whether it be a small argument, or a huge screaming match. This causes me to be tired, because I cry when i argue with people. I also get really sad, and genuinely hate myself after these arguments. And i cant express that to them, because My mom will just call it me pitying myself. 

I come on tumblr for an escape from school. And escape from my constant stream of thoughts that dont shut up. An escape from my self harm urges and troubles. And wanna know what i see? People like you. People who pick apart my activities and insult me about them. People misgendering me in my askbox because I have committed the crime of admitting im trans. I get called slurs daily (Especially the T slur. People really like that slur for some reason.). I constantly have the feeling of being annoying because people like you come into my ask box and bombard me with hate anons about how annoying and worthless I am. 

When i do want to write, I cant. I’m tired. I’m sad. I’m filled with bad thoughts and i have ZERO motivation. I TRY to write. I TRY to be better. I TRY to be how you guys want me to be. I fucking TRY. I can’t sometimes, and honestly, Fuck yo for judging me for that. Fuck you for being so hateful that you scream at me about me not writing or updating a fucking fic, when i constantly feel like my life is falling apart. Fuck you for assuming I cant have a hard life,or I cant be busy simply because I’m 16. Fuck You. 

Anon hate is absolutely disgusting, but honestly I keep anon on for the wonderful anons I have who check on me, and send me asks about John Murphy, and people request fics, but sometimes YOU make me want to turn them off. So I can get away from people like you, nonnie. 

You hurt me, You belittle me, You make me feel as If i’m not enough when I'm trying my best, and that is absolutely terrible. 

I AM TRYING. It is so hard to write some days, and I’m trying my best to write. 

I’m trying so hard to be good for you all, To post for you all, To be a good writer, to Come up with good ideas and execute them well. 

I’m trying my hardest. But maybe you expect me to tr harder. To stay up until 4 AM just to write a fic that you wont bother to comment on or even reblog, and wake up at 8 with 4 hours of sleep, just to continue the cycle,a dn be even more tired than I already am. 

i am a human being. Me being 16 does not change the fact that I am busy. It does not change the fact that I Have WORK TO DO. It doesnt change the fact that I have shitty mental health. 

Fuck You, Anon. 

[limelocked]

congrats on reblogging enough etho content to make me go watch etho 😂 each time I think I've run out of time to watch any more hermits my brains says "add another one." and you know what? it was a great idea, I love Etho

join us!

honestly its so amazing to have more people join in on the loving etho train because the man is high key underrated and just [intelligible noises] the good yknow?

plus something thats both a blessing and a curse i think is that i think he only uploads once a week no matter the series so you dont have to stress about missing an episode, plus he doesnt stream to which i say thank fuck because (off topic) i really dont like how ill watch for example casually ill watch false and so much stuff is built on stream and i feel bad for not having caught it even tho im european and not interested in watching streams and just hnnnng

[lizzodorito]

quick vent

because i legit have no where else to put this sort of feeling and just.. writing it in a book or a doc just... isnt as cathartic. Hope this just fades into the void, please dont bother reading it.

Hey. screw proper grammar and spelling I just need to get thihis out.

my name is liz and hoenstly fuck this website because last time i actively used it for something other than mandolorian memes or sims mods/cc my ex boyfriend was fucking stalking me on it and catfishing me and comfort me by sending me those ask lists and i... i dunno if im over that. Fuck you Sven.

not the point, just wha t I have to think about every single damned time I find myself here no matter what.

I am so lonely. I dont have many friends at all and the ones I do are out to use me or not Get Into It with me, thouhg fair because im a shit load of a lot to deal with i guess. other friends i have are pretty backstabbing and they refuse to properly grow up and LIVE and THINK FOR OTHERS AND ALSO THINK FOR THEMSELVES WITHOUT IT HAVING TO BE DEFINED BY HOW PROUDLY TERRIBLE THEIR MENTAL HEALTH IS FUCK

And then i get shit for it

love being used guys hell yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah  no i dont i hate it so much literally when was the last time anyone loved me right outside of my family and even so its not like my parents treat me well. mother you may have improved drastically,  but similar to my self esteem, its still very much BELOW PAR and i hate having to witness both.

I am so lonely.

I go so long without saying any word sometimes, its a wonder i stil breath, although sometimes when i was young id forget to.

why is it that i get more depressed when i come back to the family home

does anyone else understand being family oriented to a family that really for the majority doesn’t treat you the same?

The voice in my head wont stop. it wont stop telling me all  the ways i have potentially fucked my budding friendships with my new friends isha and matt 

how am i a person who shares so little yet so much

BUT MY LORD THANK YOU these are people who... who are considerate and are processing what i am saying and are thinking of me

but how fucked up am i

and will that push them away

im often distasteful but all the same complex and layered and so useful and so interesting

and that’s why often enough it seems people dont put in the effort, or frankly, dont give a shit about me once i requrie effort, though their “care” for me beofre then was only for their own benefit.

im exhausted 

One of my best internet friends was raped and i was the one who revealed that to her and she just didnt realize it yet and i havent been able to fall asleep without thinking about it

i have needed to cry for over a week now and i haVent gotten to still i am so sad i am SO SAD

I am so charming yet cannot help being alone no matter how enjoyable i am for others to have around

Matt

He makes me question if im asexual

But I am only a human

porbably deifntieyl still asexual

but too much all the same 

Im just lonely and touch starved probably (more than usual to be clear) and want to be hugged and loved and he’s so smart and we talk for hoours and comfortably, for me, occupy eachothers’ space we talk for 

hours.

this is becoming poetry.

I feel like i am beginning to sound like a hobo johnson broken record

stop being poetic fuck off liz

he;s so 

I havent been hopeful like this in people for a long time

we went to a museum to support isha (she had to do a project that invovled socializing so ya know the inrovert crew (though i dont know fi matt considers himself one)) and we just were togeter (in rather close proximinity) just speaking in accents, partly hoping to excite the strangers crowding everywhere about “foriegners” being here at the exhibit... but i think it was mostly just for us. for our fun 

because voices is what we like to do

i love voice acitng 

he committed to it, i fell out of it more times than he did and he gets more specific with accents than i do

he likes what i do

he loves the characters and my many talents

he loves my writing

he wants me to join his dnd campaign over the summer with his friends

is it for me?

does he want... me

or just my character maggie that everyone loves

he wants me to join the campign he’s in npw with his friends, as he’s a player character and not a dm as he would be over the summer

he doesn’t quite get how lonely i am

i worry i made him and isha uncomfortable last night... i joked about actually being loved properly

he immediately looked at me strange, me not realizing the joke was taken as truth

“Liz, is there something you need to talk about?”

“Oh! Oh, well, um...” hi i come from an abusive family and you both dont realize how much it meant to me that you wanted me to come and are consitently telling me and thanking me for coming because... you’re telling me im good company and its been so long since i have had real friends or gone out with friends and ACTUALLY FULLY AND COMPLTELY HAD A GOOD TIME OH MY GOSH YOU DONT EVEN KNOW I AM SO SHY ABOUT ALL OF THIS BECAUSE HOLY FUCK I CANT EVEN ASK HOW I BECAME SUCH A BASKET CASE BECAUSE I ALREADY KNOW I ALRWADY KNOW I ALREADY KOW I ALRADY KNOW AND I HAVENT’ GOTTEN TO REALLY TELL ANYONE IN SO LONG WITHOUT THEM LEAVING ME 

its been so long since ive been understood by a peer

(hi my name is liz and i am weepign right now)

“No, not yet at least.”

*isha laughs and it joined by matt soon. I’m smiling comfortably. I genuinely have a soft, contented hope i might get to tell them at least some of it one day.*

“not yet at least! sorry matt you have to be at least a level 4 friend to learn the tragic backstory”

thank you isha for lightening the mood

thank you for making the joke so many people who gave less than a fuck about me got offeneded at and confused when i made it so often years ago.

my comment was laughed off, we continued to watch the critical role espidoe i had missed

soon it was just matt and i. isha was to bed.

just him and i, and i, like id been all night (concious but making the decision to pipe down and trust the people around me), was all curled up, very relaxed and off my posture, sinking into the couch. MAtt was always upright ish. sometimes hed sink a bit or rest his hips on their side curl a little rest his head, but not as intesely as i did

sometimes he’d scoot closer to me, sometimes hed scoot away. sometimes hed move his legs so our knees would touch. i dont mind (not because i was finding it romantic, im not twelve, i just am understadning of the small situation we are in and its a knee for crying out loud) i wonder if i was taking up too much space with the way i’d sit comfortaly. I wonder if he thought so.

i would be lying if i said i didnt imagine us actually having contact with eachother. cuddling platonically.. on multiple occassions.

I have an imagination that thinks of everything and so many scenarios all at once and all the time after all

i was comfortable with the idea but

it would be a bigger lie to say i wasnt absolutely and perfectly content wiht the way it did go.

i dont thiink i will ever know if he was comofrtable on that couch or more so if it was me he was comfortable or uncomfrtoable with. 

I will respect him to tell me.

he;s good at eyecontact and its comfrotable enoguh where i dont have to look away (it’s been a problem i never used to  have recently)

I’d peek up at him when he’d talk to me

i felt young again

when the stream was over he got up to leave.

i dont know if we daudled. dawdled? yep thats the word

i dont know if we did

we made small talk

shitty jokes that he declared wouldn’t be the last thing we said to eachother that evening

i agreed.

the last words that night were goodnights.

me with my raspy evening voice from a day full of talking and him with a look over the shoulder from the hall as the door closed behind him

he was obviosuly very slap happy sleepy as he was talking about the light not being too bright in the hall (to his happiness)

it was a nice night

when was the last time i went to bed so happy? thanking God over and over and praying for my friend i mention way earlier

i didnt even have to drown my insomnia with a youtube video

i just went to sleep

2 am

i hope the weather continues

- jaques cruzio, pink panther

now im just in bed

at the family home

not my dorm

fighting my depression (its been three hours, i was getting exhausted by 9:30 due to it) as i rest

i was curled in a ball, slumped and face planted, arms slumped when i decided i need to talk to someone, or say something mroe than what i vented to my little sister (small bits about how lonely i feel and how i worry ive fucked things up) hours ago

and here we are 

12:14 am

just some broken twenty something asexual with a mind that’s usually over sixty talking about the amazing people i met two weeks ago while in the background i think about the girl i used to be the boss of (online moderator work) and how she’s essentially in love with her idea of me and how i make her feel... and not just for me.

i am mysterious and cool and smart and hot and talented and useful to her.

I want to be complex and dedicated and helpful and pretty and so skilled and hardworking and wanted for me.

i want to  be considered and deserving and im hoping that isha, matt and my other two roommates can help start to fill that hole in my life

because, God, so far they have so much potential for it in my eyes

(so far)

thanks for listening, void.

actually feeling quite a bit better. the misery is still lingering, i wonder if i should cry more. But, i can breathe easier and my eyes dont feel dead. I just am tired and am prepared to enjoy things again.

proabbly will watch claire from BA make jelly beans.

or the Noel Miller guy isha told me about.

I dont know if it’s appropriate if i downloaded matt’s contact into my phone from when isha put us both in a groupchat together and i hope its not weird and i hope maybe he did the same, but by God i dont think i’ll be texting him first.

i like in person better.

with anyone.

always have

i have so much more on my mind

[magmasliveblogs]

1.08

ok looks like this time of posting is becoming a theme recently. i didnt want it to be this way but life gets in the way. anyway, we are at the 9th chapter! to recap: last chapter erin fed a drake named relc and an antinium (bug people) named klblch. they turned out to be guardsmen from a local city the bugman, klb, used a pretty high grade healing potion to cure erins hand, which turned out to be from the fish! 

Erin woke up with a big smile on her face.

Actually, she woke up and went back to sleep several times before the sunlight got too bright to ignore. But when she eventually got up and ate breakfast she got around to the big smile.

It came when she was eating more blue fruit and she realized she was using two hands. Erin had to stop and stare at her right palm for a while. She poked the clean, unscarred, uncut skin and grinned.

“Healing potions are awesome.”

She sat back in her chair, flexing her hands. It didn’t hurt. It was amazing how much it didn’t hurt. And she owed it all to a giant ant man and a lizard…Drake. What were their names again?

“Klbkch and…Drake Guy.”

Erin sighed as the memories returned and gave her a hard time.

the pleasure of waking up and going back to sleep a couple times is great 

“Seriously. They were so normal. But apparently I’m normal too. There are other humans around here at least. But leveling? Classes? Am I an Innkeeper? Do I innkeep? How does that work?”

Then she remembered something else.

“I leveled up again.”

Erin poked her chest. She felt there should be some sense of accomplishment from within, but all she felt was vaguely full. But she remembered.

“[Basic Crafting]. Might as well give it a shot. I’m out of fruit, anyways.”

i dont know what crafting has to do with fruit but im excited to find out what sort of fruit based things can be crafted

It was an uneventful trip to the blue fruit trees. As Erin gazed up at the blue fruits she wondered for the first time how many there were left to eat. She counted.

“…Looks like I’ve got a few weeks before I run out. But bleh, eating just blue fruit all the time would be disgusting. At least there’s some ingredients left for pasta if I can find more eggs.”

But what would happen when her small cupboard ran out? What then?

Erin touched the pocket of her jeans and heard the clink of coins. Right, she had some money. But how much was it? And more importantly, how could she spend it? It wasn’t as if she could eat metal.

Grumbling to herself, Erin loaded up with blue fruits. It was getting annoying carrying them all by hand. She dropped a lot of them which bruised the skin and made the fruit taste mushy. So why not try making something?

Erin stared at the ground. She had…grass. She stared at the trees. She had wood. But she had no way of cutting that wood, so it was no good. She stared at the grass. Something in her brain lit up.

“Let’s see. If I take this long grass and tie this knot here…”

Erin hunkered down and started picking the longer clumps of grass and testing their durability. She started tying knots and cutting with the knife. She found she had to focus on her task – she couldn’t just go on autopilot, but at the same time there was a certainty in what she was doing. And in less than twenty minutes she was looking at a basket made of grass.

“Whoa.”

Erin held up the basket and inspected it. It was lightweight, but durable. She experimentally tossed all the blue fruits she’d gathered into it and lifted it. The grass basket pulled downwards, but the woven handle didn’t tear. It was a real basket. Made of grass.

Was it tacky? Yes. Did she feel like she should be dancing with pom poms on a deserted island? Yes. Was that a terrible thought to have? Probably. And should she feel ashamed of herself? She already was. But she had a basket.

And more importantly, she had a plan.

good thing there is a city nearby, you dont have to rely on these food sources. also it seems [basic crafting] is very good 

What could you do with a basket? Well, you could eat and walk at the same time since you had a free hand. Erin cored a few blue fruits and hung on to the seed pods. Then she went looking for eggs.

It took her about an hour before she found another nest. When she spotted the telltale brown shape hunkering in the long grass, Erin stomped over making as much noise as possible.

This time the thing that erupted from the grass didn’t fly away immediately. Instead, the dino-bird screeched and dove at her. Erin stood her ground, reached into her basket and threw a seed core.

She missed.

But the flying object spooked the bird. The giant pterodactyl wavered, and then flew away as Erin hurled more seed cores at it. She laughed triumphantly and rushed to grab the eggs. That was when the bird turned around and flew at her, pecking and trying to bite her. It wasn’t afraid of the seed cores after all.

no the birds arent afraid like the crabs! 

Only when she was sure that the dino-bird had gone did Erin stop running. She stopped and covered one of the numerous bloody peck marks on her arms and back and tried not to shout.

“Stupid thing.”

At least it hadn’t been bigger. Erin had managed to smack it a few times until it stopped trying to bite her face off. But that didn’t mean she’d gotten away unscathed.

Erin hissed as she pressed on another bite. She wanted nothing more than to get some cold water on them. Too bad there were more suspicious rocks in the way. Actually, there were about six of them, spaced out across the grasslands. Well, her trick hadn’t worked on the birds but rock-crabs were a different matter.

On her way back Erin pasted two of the rock crabs with the slimy seed cores when they shuffled at her. They didn’t like the noxious liquid that splashed their shells and retreated with loud clicks. Erin wiped off the foul-smelling juice from her hands and walked past the herd triumphantly.

but its still good to know the seed cores work on the crabs 

It was just past midday when Erin got back to the inn. At least she’d stopped bleeding on her walk back. She made it halfway through the inn’s door, blinked, and threw up.

Erin stopped gagging and retching long enough to stare at the pool of liquefied blue fruit in horror. Then she was sick again. And again.

Somehow, Erin made it to the stream. It was combination of walking fast and pausing every few minutes to throw up that got her there. She didn’t so much as jump into the stream as fall into it and began shivering as whatever was hitting her really went to town.

—-

The next hour saw her kneeling at the stream, gargling water, puking it up, and watching out for the crazy fish. Fortunately, they didn’t seem inclined to get near her. Actually, she saw one swim towards her and start nibbling at the contents of her stomach as it washed downstream. That was gross.

Erin washed her mouth and hands off for the tenth time and felt the shaking and nausea stop a bit.

“What—what was that?”

Erin could only mumble as she stared into the water. She moved her head—not so much out of desire for movement as to watch for the dangerous flat fish.

The fish that had been eating her vomit was floating belly-up in the water. Erin saw the other fish were avoiding it just like they were avoiding her.

“…Poison. Gotta be.”

But was it delicious food poisoning where you got to eat twice, or the other kind that kind made you turn green and die?

“Well, whatever. I feel better now so I’ll figure it out later.”

dont drink too much water, you will barf! also yeah, evil fish arent good 

Erin walked back to the inn as the last urges to puke left her. She’d gotten off lucky she supposed. It had only been an hour or so of feeling terrible. If it was actually serious—

Erin had to stop and smile. Serious? Back when she hadn’t been struggling to survive, oh, three days ago, being that sick would have ended up with her in bed for the next week.

“And I’d have a team of doctors feeding me pills by the pound too.”

She laughed softly. Then her smile vanished. Erin covered her face with her palm.

She trembled.

And then she walked on. It was getting dark. She couldn’t stop just now.

She was in too much danger.

yeah erins mind has probably gone back into panic mode 

The key to distracting oneself was motion. Erin moved around the inn and kept busy. She cleaned the vomit off the floor, washed the plates as best she could with some of the water, helped herself to a bit of pasta and brought out more plates and silverware to the common room. Then she stored the eggs and blue fruit away in one of the cupboards, went upstairs and cleaned a few rooms. She was moving, but really she was waiting.

“They said they’d visit. But did they mean that or are they busy? Either way, I can always make more pasta and save some for later, right?”

She had a pot full of hot pasta in the kitchen and she’d served and eaten her own plate of buttery noodles with blue fruit juice before she realized it was dark. Hopefully Erin stared out one of the windows, but the grasslands were empty. The sky was so amazingly vast, the stars so numerous. It was beautiful, frightening. Erin would have loved to stare at it if she were at home, but what she was really hoping to see were two figures. But she didn’t.

“They must be busy.”

Erin sighed to herself. But it wasn’t that early in the night after all. She could wait.

The young woman sat at the table, her stomach full, her clothes torn and dirty, her eyes drooping. But every few minutes her eyes flicked to the stout wooden door. She was waiting.

as ive said before, those noodles and blue juice sound delicious! 

Relc stretched in his chair in the Guard’s barracks. It wasn’t too crowded in the early evening, most guardsmen having checked out already or begun their evening patrols. Those who remained in the building were almost entirely Drakes, aside from a few tall, furry, humanoid [Guardsmen]. And they were all busy with their own tasks.

The Senior Guardsman cast an irritable eye over at the large, hunched insect hovering over a table next to him.

“Are you done logging out for the day yet?”

“Almost.”

Klbkch made a precise notation with a quill on a sheet of parchment.

“There. I have signed us both out. Again.”

“Great. Thanks. Now, wanna go check on that Human? I hear—”

A female Drake shouted at Relc from across the room. She was nowhere as large as Relc, and she wore chainmail and a sword at her hip as she stomped up to him.

“There’s a brawl in the marketplace. Get over there and stop the fighting!”

“What? Some idiot had to start a fight now of all times? We were going to go back and—”

“Shut up and get moving!”

“…Jerk.”

“A pity. Let’s be on our way.”

“What a pain. Let’s smack some scales-for-brains quick. Maybe we’ll still have time to go to the inn afterwards.”

“You know we will be called upon to go after those who got away. And there is damage assessment, guard detail, investigating any burglaries during the violence…”

“Aw.”

“Do not fret. The Human will not be going anywhere.”

“I know, I know. But I was going to eat more pasta and—”

“Relc!”

The angry shout made Relc wince and cover the two holes on the side of his head.

“Alright, let’s go. Man, I really hate the Captain.”

“Don’t insult her while we are within earshot.”

“She can eat my scales. Let’s go and get this over with.”

“After you.”

oh no 

Erin sat at the bar counter in the inn and waited. All was perfect.

Well, all was sorta perfect. It was at least acceptable. She had a basket of the blue fruits, more pasta in a large pot, and she’d even drawn a fresh bucket of water from the stream. She had very nearly spotless plates and silverware and all in all, she was ready for some guests.

If they’d ever arrive.

Eventually her eyes drooped. Her breathing slowed. She fell asleep while dreaming she was still waiting and awake.

she fell asleep before they could come back. they are late! 

Thump. Thump.

Erin woke up. She raised her head and looked around groggily. It was dark.

Thump. Thump.

Something was at the door. Erin wiped the drool off of her chin and got up from the table. She must have fallen asleep waiting. But here they were. She stumbled over to the door and shivered. It was cold. Actually, it wasn’t just cold. It was…frosty?

The door’s handle was covered in a thin layer of ice. From behind the door Erin sensed something chilling, and she could feel a cold draft blowing from beneath the crack. Or was that the shivering sensation running down her spine?

Thump.

Erin jumped back from the door. That wasn’t knocking. Something was hitting the door. Hard.

“Hey. Who’s there?”

She wished her voice wasn’t so wobbly.

“A visitor.”

Was it a whisper? No. It was more like an echo. It sounded like a loud voice coming from thousands of miles away and it had an unearthly quality to it. No voice could be so deep, so spine-chilling.

“Um. We’re closed. S-sorry.”

The something on the other side of the door…chuckled. It was probably a chuckle. It was wet and gurgling.

“It matters not. I require sustenance. Food. Prove that to me and I shall be on my way.”

Food? As in the fleshy variety? Erin shuddered.

“I don’t have any. Go away!”

“I will not be denied. Open this door or face my wrath.”

That was enough for Erin. She backed away from the door.

“I’m warning you! Come in and I’ll, I’ll…”

dont mess with erin mysterious visitor, she has knives and shes only a little afraid to use them! 

“Do not anger me further. If you refuse my simple request I will—”

She didn’t wait to see what the voice would do. She could guess. Instead, Erin ran to the kitchen. She needed a weapon. A knife, a piece of wood, a spatula, anything.

Erin’s hand had found the handle of a pot when the scrape of wood made her breath stop. She’d forgotten. She’d been waiting for Klbkch and his friend. So that meant—

The door was still unlocked.

Something was pushing the door open. Erin sprinted back to the door and threw her weight against it. She knocked whatever it was back, but she couldn’t close the door fully. It was in the way.

“This is unwise. Your insolence will only bring about more punishment.”

The creature hissed at Erin. She could hear it right outside the door. It was pushing, trying to get the door open. But Erin was fueled by pure fear and she somehow managed to keep the door where it was.

“Mistress. All I ask for is a bit of food. Provide me that and I shall be on my way.”

The skeletal creature reached its hand through the doorway. Something dark dripped down out of its bones. It splashed against the wood and vanished.

“I do not wish to become angry.”

Her hand was on the cooking pot. Her heart was dead in her chest.

“No.”

“No?”

The skeletal monstrosity seemed to recoil. It pulled the door further open and something noxious wafted in.

“A pity. But I will have you provide me with sustenance nevertheless.”

Erin seized the door and tried to close it, but the creature hurled it open. She fell back and stared in horror.

A thing with too many bones and pieces of flesh gazed down at her. It gave off a ghastly smell and crimson light flashed from its eyes.

“Give me what I desire. Or I shall—”

Erin screamed and hurled the pot.

well now we know where the skeleton went. lets hope this goes well for erin! 

thats the end of the chapter btw. im tempted to do the next chapter today as well, but ill stay to the schedule! we shall both suffer for this cliffhanger! 

will erin survive this encounter? will the guards save her from this skeletal monstrosity? will erin beat it up before they get there? will they ever get there? 

see you tomorrow! 

[issayemme]

about this generation being over sensitive

aight, i dont really just voice my opinion anytime i feel like it but honestly i’m fed up. I used to like, be one of those SJW’s and go like hey this is wrong and this is wrong and this is wrong. Most of them were wrong tbh, and i totally get the thing about “normalizing”. We shouldnt normalize hate, we shouldnt normalize discrimination and we shouldnt normalize anything negative, ever.

But i feel like, after a couple of years being exposed to nothing but negativity i’m finally #sick and #tired of it. I understand it by the way, why we have to call something out if it’s wrong cause this is how we fix things but i feel like recently the world is becoming a little bit too sensitive.

I realized this with the whole controversy about Pewdiepie and Gigi Hadid and everything. Especially Pewdiepie. 

Like i dont even live in the US, not from there. I’m from Turkey, i’m studying advertising. And i wanna pursue my career in digital marketing so this whole thing is gonna be my field. This whole shitstorm is gonna be my audience and i’ll try to engage with you. Which frustrates me the most, cause i have to deal with this bullshit.

To start off, i know Pewdiepie did something not-so-okay. I did watch his channel every now and then and i remember telling my boyfriend, “eh, he’s doing whatever he wants lately. I’m not that into it anymore, he used the N word and stuff.” and i just stopped watching his videos and thats like a buck less for him. I did my part. I’m not gonna like go online and bash him or anything cause like fine okay he used the n word but the world has some bigger problems right now like the bees are going extinct. For those who dont know he made like.. there’s this site called Fiverr, you pay them 5 bucks and they do something for ya like this girl does your homework and whatever. Felix payed 2 guys (dont know their nationality) to write “Death to all jews, subscribe to markiplier” on a piece of paper and they did, later he commented on how people do whatever you want them to as long as youre paying them. Which is a good point in my opinion. And the whole point of this shitstorm also. 

And Wall Street Journal went up to Disney and they like.. snitched. like 5 year olds. i cant this is just too funny. And they took everything out of context, used a random image of him raising his hand and portrayed it as a nazi salute (If ya gonna go there you can find like even jews doing a nazi salute. HELLO COMMON SENSE?) Anyhow, Disney was like yah this is gonna hurt my image as butterflies and rainbows, occasional unicorns and shitty costume designing so cut ties with him or whatever. But there is like 2 sides to every story so i wish they would take a milisecond and contact Felix but fuck that am i right Disney which is the company that displayed Donald Duck in a Nazi outfit so like whats up

And then, this afternoon i spent my entire time reading articles about how Pewdiepie is the source of all evil, how he is summoning satan with a single look and how he is destroying worlds.  He always said mainstream media is hating on him but i’ve never realized it was this big of an issue. Jesus they were like vultures. The verge even went as far as comparing him to Donald Trump. Like.. Pewdiepie does a 24 hour live stream to raise like what.. over a milion dollars for charity and its like dead quiet but Wall Street Journal runs out of money so they go like “oh pewdiepie draws money lol ok.. guys here’s the thing.” Is every news outlet TMZ now? is this it

And i knew tumblr of course would be on fire. I’m actually glad to see some reasonable people defending pewdiepie because that’s what’s right. Some girl here is like “um im jewish and OUT OF ALL WORDS why would you pick death to all jews? like it has been said before. ermigird get my trigger gloves.” Like hello everyone knows it’s not an okay thing to say, that’s why he used it. To prove a point. It’s kinda amazing to see how people are hovering 100 miles over the point. good job keep it up everyone it’ll get you places in life

The truth is, this kind of all comes back to my major. Newspapers are dying, because noone buys them anymore. They need money to survive as we all do, but we are all on digital surfaces now. But we dont pay for news anymore. so the news outlets are doing everything they can to survive and it gets petty like you’ve been seeing these days. Clickbait is a real thing cause it’s not enough if you see their post on Facebook, they need you to go on their website, see the ads so they can get the ad revenue. It keeps the advertisers, advertising and the platforms alive. Scandal always gets you paid. What i’m sad about is as a generation we’re paying these guys. They dont care really, if pewdiepie is racist or not. Which he isnt by the way. Pewdiepie and his growth is so organic. He’s a goldmine for brands. Verge cant supply content like that, so they kind of shit on whoever does. I’m saying verge but like mashable, the wired.. verge is the pettiest tho. Business insider was kind of more toned down so kudos to them I GUESS.. 

My point being.. like they see we go crazy about social justice and they see the tiniest thing and they make a big deal out of it. We as a generation shouldnt be these idiot’s income. I refuse to be the reason to put money on some 40 year old idiot who has no sign of a backbone. There are things that matter. I’m sick of getting butthurt by everything. Yes some feminists are extreme. Denying it will not get you anywhere. We all believe in equality. If you are calling out Pewdiepie, which again i agree he fucked up but it wasnt like a total fuck up you know. So context matters. Just because something happened, doesnt mean we have to make a big deal out of it every time. Wrongdoing should be punished but not to extremes. Dont get offended on behalf of other people. I live in a Muslim country. And dont you dare get offended on my behalf when Trump says something about our religion. Let me speak first. Let me read the context first. Everyone is constantly in panic to defend someone, they just miss a lot of things. So just take time to evaluate before speaking your mind.  About Gigi’s face too.. Like gosh she wasnt trying to actually hurt someone. People are still trying to call Karlie Kloss out after she acknowledged and apologized  LIKE WHAT DO YOU WANT DID YOUR PARENTS NOT LOVE YOU? DO YOU HAVE A LOT OF FREE TIME? PLEASE JUST GET A LIFE. PET A DOG. We should stop bashing people after they acknowledge something was wrong. Like. Chill, seriously. go suck a dick get a life ffs

JERK OFF IDK WHAT RELAXES YOU

dont let people take advantage of you trying to do something right