#but i feel like the jump to try to rile people up to cancel each other is. a bit excessive most of the time

[mihai-florescu]

Not to sound condescending cuz i really dont want that, but if something happening in a fandom is genuinely ruining your enjoyment of the original media/ruining your mental health, maybe you should distance yourself from the fandom for a while, perhaps even take a break, you're not gonna miss anything and no one's gonna judge you for it

[petri808]

Nalu Yakuza Au *cover art by @jmoart214 💜

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The tit for tat game was well known to both of their top confidants and lieutenants because it had been going on ever since Natsu and Lucy broke up. Plus, it was hard to get around such knowledge considering most of them came from the same neighborhoods. These intrigues ebbed and flowed like waves. Months could pass by without any interactions between the two, at other times they’d go back and forth continuously until one of them finally gave up, and on the odd occasion ended in a huge fight that led to another round of ignoring each other. Up until now, it had been kind of amusing to watch them torture each other because it was better than a drama shows on television. But that didn’t mean Natsu, and Lucy’s friends didn’t worry about one or both being truly hurt one day because of it.

“It’s fine,” Natsu rolled his eyes as Gray chastised him after the soapland incident. The two men were at Natsu’s home after work hours and supposed to be relaxing. But clearly his friend didn’t want to drop the subject. “What’s the big deal?”

“Dude, you let yourself be blindfolded in a public space! Have you forgotten what kind of business we’re in? What if it had been an assassin instead?”

“Oh, that’s just ridiculous. We’re talking about Lucy’s company, and I trust their security measures because she has just as much to lose if a hit took place there.”

“Still, you should be more careful, at least take a bodyguard with you…”

Natsu’s eyebrow twitched in irritation. “And what, so they can watch the show? We got any voyeurs on the payroll? Cause I can’t think of anyone here who’d wanna see another guy getting his balls fondled!”

Gray ran a hand down his face. “So not the mental image I wanted. You’re missing the point.” He sighed. “Natsu you are the head of this clan, and your safety is my top priority.”

“I get it, I get it,” Natsu drawled.

“And frankly,” Gray continued, “you’ve become distracted by her lately.”

“Tch! No, I haven’t!”

“Yeah, you are. You think I haven’t noticed? I know you drive by her place sometimes. I know you’ve followed her to that coffee shop she likes to frequent. But ever since her employee was robbed, things have escalated again.”

“You’re imagining things and apparently spying on me. I’m just keeping an eye on the competition.”

“Watching over you is my job! That’s not spying.” Gray crossed his arms. “And oh, it’s no doubt that you’re keeping an eye on her. That’s why you went to Katsunuma’s party and to soapland too. The problem is you’re getting sloppy and sloppy gets people killed.”

Natsu groaned. “Are you done yet? We’re supposed to be enjoying the baseball game, not psychoanalyzing my life.”

“Almost.” Gray placed a hand on his friends’ knee and leaned in. “Natsu, you’ve been chasing that tail since high school, just lock her down and convince her to work together already.”

Natsu snorted a laugh. “Gray we all grew up together, so what in all these years makes you think that’s a possibility? You know damn well Lucy’s not a woman you can control without her consent.” Natsu knew that, and frankly he loved that part of her. In fact, it made him even more fired up whenever he thought about it, just like a treasure you don’t just find but must win at the end of a game. “I’ll find a way, some day.”

“Well until that day arrives, could you promise me you’ll be more cautious?”

“Fine, fine,” Natsu waved his hand. “I’ll back off of Lucy for now.”

“Good.” Gray relaxed back onto his recliner thinking the drama was over.

“However, there is a new guy I want surveillance placed on.”

“Who?”

“The bartender from the party.”

Gray groaned. “Seriously? Why? He’s just a bartender!”

“I don’t trust him.”

“Was he spiking the drinks or something? Dealing drugs at the party?”

“Maybe.”

Gray huffed. “You really gonna try that? Do I look like an idiot? This is just straight jealousy talking.”

“I don’t care! I want someone to dig up what they can on the guy!”

“No, what you wanna know is if he fucked Lucy that night!”

Natsu jumped up with his fists clenched. “Fuck you!”

“Fuck you too!” Gray stood up and matched his boss’s energy. “Unless you give me a damn good reason to check into him, I’m not wasting my guy’s time! You might be the boss, but don’t you fucking forget who you’re talking to! I’m not some punk off the streets!”

Realizing he was taking things too far, Natsu sat back down. “Sorry.”

Gray sighed and plopped back down too. “I only joined because you asked me to and you’re my best friend, then I helped you build this new empire, so I’m just as invested in protecting it as you are. But Natsu, personal emotions have led to the downfall of many in this business, and as a friend, I’ll check you any time I think you’re going to far.”

“You’re right…” Natsu sighed too. “She just gets me so worked up.”

“Don’t I know it,” Gray laughed, but stopped when Natsu glared at him. “Sorry, it slipped out.”

“But I swear, there’s something suspicious about him. When he saw me, I thought he just reacted because he thought I was Lucy’s boyfriend or something, but the more I think about it, he might have recognized me.”

“Well, that wouldn’t necessarily be suspicious either.”

“True. But the look in his eyes just made me wonder.”

“Alright…” Gray groaned, “if it’ll make you feel better, I’ll have someone do some digging. So, you said he has orange hair and glasses, and the name on his tag was Loke?”

“Yeah.”

“That’s an unusual name, shouldn’t be too hard to check on.”

Over the course of a couple of weeks, Gray sent out feelers for any information on this Loke guy. Katsunuma junior gave them their first small lead that the bartender had worked the party through a local food catering company. That catering company was a legitimate business who had both full-time staff as well as independent contractors brought in per event as needed. Loke had been one of the latter. From there Gray obtained a last name, de Lioncourt.

According to his sources at the local precinct, Loke de Lioncourt had no rap sheet, no prior dealings with police, and for all they knew was an average citizen. The man’s Line blog profile listed him as a 28-year-old, Japanese/French American, model and bartender, and it was filled with pictures from events, parties, as well as many gorgeous women— none of which contained Lucy. But as Gray trolled through the man’s feed, he did come across one person he recognized and passed the information along to Natsu.

“Wow, she’s in a bunch of photos,” Natsu mumbled as he scrolled through the blog.

“Well, considering Cana’s reputation are you surprised. Parties and alcohol are the two things that woman lives for.” Gray laughed. “Now see, this makes sense to me. Lucy and him, not so much.”

“Tch… still pisses me off he even tried.”

“Lucy’s a free woman, she can go out with whoever she wants to.”

“We’ll see about that,” Natsu mumbled low.

“What was that?” Gray asked with a raised brow.

“Nothing.”

“Better be nothing, cause this is a dead end. He’s just a flirty bartender. It’s how they make tips.”

“Yeah, yeah, fine.” Natsu sat back in his chair. “So, back to business. What this I heard about some missing stock?”

“Oh, right. One of the warehouse clerks noticed a shortage, but when I checked with Yura, he said the books were fine. I had him show it to me, and it appears the numbers were just inverted by accident. So, instead of 185 kilos, it’s supposed to be 158 kilos.”

“Did you talk to the clerk again? Does he have any history of messing up like this?”

“Nah, he’s one of our better clerks.”

“Just keep an eye on it.”

“Sure thing, boss. By the way, have you seen Gajeel today?” Gray questioned. “I haven’t seen him.”

“He called me this morning said he wasn’t feeling well, thinks he ate something bad for dinner last night.”

“Tch, seriously? Thought he had an iron stomach?”

Natsu shrugged. “Must’a been some bad sushi or something. We ain’t got much happening today, so it’s fine. Anything else? I got some stuff I need to finish.”

Gray tapped his chin. “Just a reminder you have an appointment with our tech guy dropping by later this week to go over some upgrades on the system.”

“Like I’m supposed to know anything about that stuff, it’s what I pay him for.”

“You still gotta approve it,” Gray shrugged and took his leave.

Once the man was completely out of the office, Natsu opened a drawer in his desk and pulled out a nondescript box he’d hidden inside. He grinned to himself. It was time to make another special delivery. Even though he’d told Gray he was backing off the whole Lucy and Loke subject, there was no way he was gonna let it slide. Natsu didn’t care if the man seemed legit, and he wasn’t the first nor would probably be the last that he’d eventually scared away. And besides, being a Yakuza boss had a lot of down times too, easily filled with having a little fun.

Today’s little care package was being sent to Lucy by a courier service and Natsu just had to drop it off to the delivery company. Just a normal company like Kuroneko Yamato so it wouldn’t rouse too many suspicions. It was turning into a fun game for him just coming up with ideas of what he could do to rile Lucy up or irritate this Loke guy. Natsu chuckled to himself. So far, his favorite prank was a box of small sized condoms and a bottle of enhancement pills that he’d had delivered to Loke while on the job at another party. He’d even snuck in to watch it delivered, gaining a good laugh when the man took a peek in the box and frowned at its contents.

It was childish, but Natsu didn’t care. Every day for two weeks now, something new was sent to Loke. Random gifts like children’s candy to a toy gun, a big bottle of lubricant wrapped in a bow, a week’s worth of meals sent for lunch one day, even an empty box with rocks inside it just to drive the man crazy wondering who in the world was sending them. Lucy too wasn’t immune to his pranks, though hers had a different feel to them. Flowers with no note attached. Tickets to a canceled show he made up. A supposed dinner invite from Loke that wasn’t real— okay that was to test her, but she didn’t fall for it. And today’s little care package fit right into his prank scheme.

Natsu dropped off the package at a Kuroneko Yamato office with the address instructions already filled out and paid the company’s employee extra to keep their mouths shut. ‘She’s gonna kill me one day,’ he laughed to himself as he rode back to his office. ‘If it’s suffocation by her boobs it wouldn’t be a bad way to go!’

“Anymore stops sir?” The driver asked Natsu.

“Nope. Back to the office.”

He looked at his watch. The package should be arriving at Lucy’s office within the hour. Give or take another to open it, and by 4pm he would be receiving another phone call. Maybe he won’t answer it. Oh, that would piss her off even more! ‘Well, if she’d just take the hint...’

The afternoon was supposed to be mellow at headquarters that day. No shipments, and no appointments. But when Natsu got back, another general in the organization named Jellal Fernandez came to his office to inform him of a problem. One of the new local restaurants in their territory was refusing to cooperate and he wanted to know how Natsu wanted it handled. They were right in the middle of discussing it, when Natsu’s office door flew open with a loud bang!

In stomped Lucy who immediately threw a box at his head, causing Natsu to duck and Jellal to pull his gun.

“Don’t!” Natsu screamed at his general and motioned for him to stand down, to which the man complied. “Do you have a death wish Lucy!”

“Get. Out.” She snapped at the general. “Get out! This is between me and your boss!”

Jellal looked to Natsu, who nodded his head to scram. “I got this, don’t worry.” The man holstered his gun and left, but Natsu could see he’d stayed right outside of the now closed door.

“I take it you didn’t like the gift,” Natsu pretended to stay calm.

“Gee, me throwing it at you give you that impression? I know it’s you sending all these damn deliveries to me and Loke. That needs to stop now!”

He crossed his arms and scoffed. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Play dumb all you want. Just stop! Why are you even doing this?!”

“Take a guess,” he sneered back.

“I could’ve sworn we were adults now, but apparently I’m the only one who grew up. Stay out of my love life Natsu!”

“So, you admit you’re sleeping with the guy!”

“That’s none of your damn business! I can fuck whoever I want!”

“Not as long as I’m alive,” Natsu growled back.

Lucy crossed her arms. “That could be arranged.”

“Is that a threat?!”

“Yes! If you don’t stay out of my love life!”

“A woman shouldn’t be sleepi—”

“Don’t you finish that sentence!” Lucy grabbed a stapler that was within reach and chucked it at Natsu’s head. “Stop trying to control me!”

“Are you crazy?!”

At that moment, Gray barged into the room. He’d heard the screaming from the other side of the office, and when he got close enough to see Jellal standing outside the door, he became alarmed. Why would a general leave Natsu vulnerable! The man told him their boss told him to leave, but as the sounds inside escalated, Gray couldn’t wait anymore.

“Stop it!!” Gray got between them. “What are you two doing! Lucy you shouldn’t be here!”

“Then tell your damn boss to leave me the fuck alone!” Lucy spat back. “Ask him how he’s been harassing Loke and me!”

Gray turned to his boss with a groan. “Natsu, we talked about this!”

“Tell Gray what you been doing!” Lucy pressed. “Show him the stupid packages you send!”

“What packages?” Gray looked to Lucy, then repeated the question as he stared at his boss. “What packages?”

“Tch,” Natsu crossed his arms, “it’s not even that bad.”

Lucy stomped over to where the box fell and picked it up, pulling the contents out. “Bullshit!” She snapped as she held up a very racy, red nightie with flame prints, a pair of fluffy handcuffs, and a large dildo. “See this shit?!” Lucy shook the floppy latex toy at Gray before chucking it to the ground again. “He includes messages too,” then handed the man a folded piece of paper.

Gray read it aloud, “to make up for what playboy lacks. Had it custom made to my size wink wink. Ugh, seriously man,” he tossed the letter.

Natsu shrugged. “I was just having fun.”

“This is the yakuza, not a daycare!” Gray snaps. “I’m not here to babysit the boss so he stops harassing the competition! There’s more important business to worry about!”

“That’s right listen to Gray,” Lucy sneered.

Gray turned to her. “Oh, you ain’t innocent either, so don’t even try it. You both do things to purposely rile the other up and get mad when there’s consequences. Stop it!” He looked back and forth between the two. “Just stop it already!”

Natsu and Lucy looked away from the man with scowls on their faces. Neither wanted to admit he was right.

“Jellal,” Gray called out. When the man entered, he instructed him to escort Lucy out of there. “Next time, just call me instead. It’s best you two just stay away from each other. Got it?!”

“Yeah,” Lucy grumped.

“Got it?!” Gray questioned his boss.

“Yeah,” Natsu mumbled.

“Fucking like high school,” Gray ran a hand down his face in irritation. “You two need therapy.”

[btsandvmin]

I ship Vmin.

I got a bunch of asks regarding ji/kook again and despite me feeling very tempted to just ignore it all together because it really isn’t what I want to do I decided to write a rant in response in stead. I am sorry to my followers and to the person who sent all these asks, I am sure you didn’t mean anything bad, so please forgive me for being quite rude and blunt in this post. 

I don’t really want to indulge and make people ask more about other ships because as I have said many times it’s just not what I want to talk about. But, I got a lot of asks and it made me frustrated so it resulted in a rant from me. If you don’t like to read about other ships or if you feel like getting aggressive because of other shippers just ignore this post.

I repeat one more time. I know about other ships and their theories. Not everything, but enough to acknowledge they do have weird things that could be real. And enough to notice and see when they have moments without having to watch analysis. I know but it doesn’t interest me. If another ship is real then another ship is real and I am wrong. But please stop coming to me to either get confirmation that “vmin is real/superior” or “X ship has these moments and are more real”.

I feel I need to explain what I personally see as the flaws with most believers in ships and how they analyze and feel confident in them being right. In particular I will speak about ji/kook but this could literally be any ship at all. Vmin too. I don’t want this to be seen as a vmin vs. ji/kook post, but it might look like that simply because Vmin is my preference. Everything in this post is just MY POINT OF VIEW. I could be crazy wrong and use completely false logic, but this is the way I see things and I don’t expect everyone to agree.

Anyways, please be nice and don’t read this at all if you are easily triggered.

This is really messy, I am sorry.

First of all, all big fandoms act the same and do analysis about ships they like. It starts out as a preference (if you admit it or not) and gets rationalized for various reasons. 'I didn't use to ship but they are different' or whatever reason and then you find others with the same ideas and all agree together. You get more convinced because you get validation from others and at the same time get more content to prove you are right. The bigger the ship the more people analyze every detail and thus end up finding pieces that fit their narrative. It's also easier to dismiss things that goes against your beliefs the more secure you feel about your ship. This is literally how it works for everyone who believes in a ship (or conspiracy theories in general). The odds of you being right are very slim. No matter how many people join the group and preach the same thing.

Most things BTS do they do with all members or at least many others. Few things are exclusive and thus how can we know it means one thing when one ship does it and another when your ship does? For most people it’s simply because it has a different vibe or tension. It's really like that though, just your own feelings. Only the things your ship does are special. And even if something they do is unique it doesn't really prove anything, because all relationships can work very differently. Basically to begin with most shippers/believers think their ship is special or different. They can't focus on all dynamics and see what they want to see. They add the pieces that fit into their existing narrative, and if something suddenly doesn’t fit they come up with a fitting excuse. 

You will see for most ships the amount of moments will vary, be up one month and down the next. Have a great year suddenly followed by less moments than they are used to. A lot of people even go from believing in one ship to changing to another ship because they suddenly have more moments. So it looks more real because the amount of moments. At least to some fans, who clearly jump between ships or feel insecure when their ship suddenly have less moments. 

Fans of ships also get emotionally involved as if they are partly living through their ship. Happy when they get moments but worried when they don't. Like it has to be something wrong if they suddenly have less interactions on screen. Some even go as far as getting worried from one day to another when BTS or certain members can have millions of reasons for their behaviour. And that's another thing. Everything the two individuals of your ship does must be related to the other person. If A is sad it means maybe he fought with B. Every little thing, word or interaction is proof and people get so invested they can't see anything else. If everything is possible proof, with the amount of things we get, of course it will be possible for almost any shipper to pick the parts that sound good and fit what they want to believe.

This also works for insecurities about other ships. Every interaction of a rival ship hurts or makes you feel uncertain about your ship. Either you ignore it, try to convince yourself your ships makes more sense, or you feel bad about it. When in reality it's usually mostly about focus and I would argue no relationship in BTS being shown more would ever mean another one is suffering. At least not because of a ship being real. Relationships aren't competitions. For me who ships Vmin I have seen things both from tae/kook, ji/kook and many other ships, even straight ones, that makes me think Vmin is probably not real, or that these other ships could be real. But I have seen this with more ships than one, which says a lot. And I have things about Vmin of course as well that I think makes other ships less likely. That’s why it’s important to remain unsure but open. A lot of ships probably cancel each other out. 

If vmin isn't real, they aren't. But because I believe in BTS's words and actions I can feel happy knowing Vmin feel they are soulmates. I can be happy because I truly think their actions and their love for each other is genuine. No matter what kind it is, and no matter if they are together with someone else or not. 

I have seen theories for basically all ships in BTS and from many other fandoms, and they all bring up similar things, have weird reactions or moments that they apply their own meanings to. I do the exact same thing, only I don't act confident about it but keep it as speculation. I am making a huge Vmin analysis because I want to show it can be done and that Vmin have weird moments too. I do find their behaviour odd or I wouldn't have reacted. But I'm just like everyone else who do shipping analysis and have a bias towards my own preference. That’s why I know I can be wrong and that's why it’s important to not act like I have the facts. 

In the end we still don't know, and we should be okay with whatever might prove to be real. For me one very important thing is that I want to trust and believe the things the boys says. So even if it goes against my ship or what I want, I will trust it. Like how Jimin and Taehyung didn't seem to meet at all during their break. But that also means that I do trust it when Jimin and Taehyung call each other soulmates and when Jimin says he wants to be with Taehyung even after their careers are over. So to begin with this mostly removes the idea that a ship would be played up for any other reason than it's something they like to do and are comfortable about. Basically fanservice exists, but nothing is so played up it's completely fake. Which means I also don't think anything Ji/kook or any other ship does is fake. I personally think Jimin is a person who likes to tease JK and that their bickering is misinterpreted. I think Jimin likes to rile up JK by pushing himself close etc. It's also possible Jimin does things because he knows fans will react, but these things still are done because they find it fun, not with some secret agenda. 

The only way I think it is possible to "hide a ship with another ship" is by doing similar things or shippy things with all or several members or to in certain times perhaps distract from a ship by doing something with another member. But still only things they would feel comfortable doing. This is the important part. I don't think any members would do something they themselves, a possible secret lover or the other members would feel uncomfortable with. This is why jealous JK is basically impossible to me to the degree ji/kookers make it out to be. Same with jealousy in general. There could be some, but too much isn't really something to be happy about. If one half of your ship can't touch or interact with another person without being jealous that's just not healthy. The fact that fans want jealousy to prove a ship to begin with is just toxic to me. For me if these things are real (I don’t think they are but they could be) I don’t think I would be able to stay a fan. Because it would mean BTS go out of their way to do things that aren’t authentic despite feeling uncomfortable about it just to fool their fans. If BTS are lying (because they certainly are in some cases) I think they simply tell white lies or omit parts of the truth. I don’t want to think they make up whole relationships or behaviors to create a different image than reality.

Now I will go into a bit more detail about ji/kook and my personal reasoning behind why I think they are a bit weird if they are real. And some of the problems I see with some ji/kook narratives. I know people are complex and there could be many factors I don’t know about or think about, and that I could be completely wrong or partly wrong. But at least I accept that possibility. So again, don’t try to come to me and convince me of another ship or talk about why they are weird. I really don’t need to hear it. Anyways, about ji/kook and at least the way most ji/kookers seem to explain ji/kook...

The first thing is that I don't see ji/kook being very careful. And though I don't know for sure I would think a gay relationship within the biggest idol group in the world would be something to be careful about. Not just for their own sake, but for the whole group. Especially if we look at the Korean society when it comes to lgbt+ in general. I mean, a lot of the ji/kook moments rely on either ji/kook wanting people to know about them and showing actual hints, or them not being careful at all and accidentally exposing themselves. Most of these moments make ji/kook look either dumb or willing to risk everything for people to know about them. If they want to be together, wouldn't it be more important to feel safe and not get exposed than showing off to their millions of fans? Especially at the height of their career? Of course they are young and could want to be able to show their relationship. But consider the actual consequences if it got out. 

Some things ji/kookers claim about ji/kook include:

Sharing rooms and staying in the same room even when one person is doing a live. When they could easily just leave for a while to not risk getting exposed. 

Getting special engagement rings and getting seen at the store together as well as talking pretty openly about it. (This was also debunked even by ji/kookers I think?)

JK threatening Jimin with showing a picture of himself with a hickey and talking about it openly during a live and then actually proceeding to post said picture. Just them giving hickeys at all seems like a pretty dumb move. 

Ji/kook always sharing a car because they live together. Because everyone already knows they are together. Also that they share it even when BTS are all going to the same hotel because they can't be apart even for a second? (Forget the fact that they don't always share a car and in Korea JK more often seem to share with Hobi.) 

Ji/kook celebrating their anniversary. They have pictures of them celebrating it with members at the dorm and post pictures together on twitter to show fans. Because they have to give hints. 

How Jungkook calls Jimin without hyung or speaks informal sometimes means they are together. But when Hobi does it to Yoongi it doesn't mean anything?

Ji/kook going on a private trip to Tokyo yet showing it off through official channels and getting to talk about it and even getting specifically asked about it during interviews. Doesn't seem very private to me. Again, I suppose ji/kook needs to share their love with the fans and Big HIt is kind enough to help them. 

Following that there is having Jimin be center in other gcf and even have Jimin himself joke and say he is the "main actor".

JK getting tattoos that says JM and Jimin matching JK's tattoos with his own. (Also the number 13 is about ji/kook, not BTS debut date). 

Big hit giving ji/kook the unicorn photoshoot to help people see them specifically in a lgbt+ positive way. (Forget the fact that BTS and Big Hit has done other lgbt+ positive things or hints for many years.)

“Jeonleous” and his tongue poking his cheek out of annoyance every time Jimin breathes next to someone else. Let's ignore the fact JK has a ton of nervous habits, that the tongue thing could mean many different things and that he also does it when neither Jimin nor Tae are present. 

Ji/kook is real because they are always together. Which would imply both of them spend all their time together and need the other person’s constant attention? This again feels more like fans’ wanting to glorify possessive behavior. If they are together all the time, wouldn’t it be better to tone things down a little while at work when a million cameras are filming their every move? I think Ji/kook are close, like spending time together and are comfortable in front of cameras because there isn’t much risk involved.

And many, many, many more. Sorry for sounding bitter about these things. For real, some things could be true, I don't know. I guess ji/kook could be real, but if they are they don't act like it's something to be too careful about. At least not from what I see. Could they hide behind fanservice or rely on people never finding out enough to expose them? Absolutely. But seems a bit risky. Also in contrast, why do Vmin (the best friends) act so weirdly and careful about some things? 

People who come to me with proof for ji/kook or other ships and say 'if you only knew or looked at them you would see'... But no. More or less every single thing a ji/kooker have ever tried to come to me with as proof I already knew, at least to some extent. Other things I have looked up because they have tried to show me. Some things have also been debunked. And not once has it been actual proof. It's always a moment that could easily be interpreted incorrectly. The closest thing would show ji/kook are close and maybe they have shared rooms. But proving ji/kook has shared a room doesn't prove they are married. We know Vmin has shared a room many times too and we know Jimin seems to hate being alone and loves to crash the other members' rooms in general. When Jimin or Tae says they want to share rooms I believe that and from what I have seen it seems Vmin has shown a preference to share rooms over any other ship. So if ji/kook is real, in BV4 when they had the chance to decide where to sleep why did Jimin and Tae end up together? To fool fans? Because suddenly ji/kook sharing rooms would be too suspicious? At least it doesn't make sense if JK gets jealous of everything so the extreme jealousy is definitely not a thing to use as proof. 

Sure there are odd things and theories that could make sense, but the same goes for other ships too. So please if you are insecure about your ship then maybe just let it be. Why do you have to come to me to try and find a reason to either believe or not believe? 

People also claim to have inside information and it spreads. Mostly about ji/kook, but for other ships as well. There are rumors of Taehyung having some on and off relationships. Or people saying Big Hit made fake dating paparazzi shots of Jimin with some woman to make him less suspicious. Of Taehyung being homophobic and anti ji/kook. Some sources also say different things. Some of the same people who shares this info also get things wrong or use edits mixed with real information. But never has anyone been able to produce something that could be actual proof for their claims. It could just as easily be put together by good storytellers. Just because some things prove to be right I don't think these people are reliable sources. Because the information always come from second hand sources who say 'someone close to bts' or 'someone at big hit' etc. told this other person who told me. 

Also, why should I trust someone who claims to love a ship and say they have proof for it, and call themselves a supporter, when they are trying to out a couple who aren't out? Something which could have devastating consequences if it got public. And yet many do exactly that, try to show the truth and expose them, but somehow never show the things they claim make it indisputable? All of these people who knows the truth, who has the receipts and use stalker pictures, not a single one wants to show the actual proof? Because somehow that is crossing the line? But all the other things aren't? Also if this information is spread so easily, how come no one who gets to know this would feel angry by seeing them be gay and try to expose them for real? All of them just happen to be understanding supporters? 

In the end I can't believe these things because they have no proof and some things they say just doesn't match with the things BTS show us. So while it could be truth to it and I could be completely wrong, I will personally rather base things on what I see myself than on hearsay. I watch and listen to BTS and do my own analysis based on the things they say or do. That’s it. If I am wrong I am wrong and then that's fine. That’s why it’s speculation and theories, and not proof.

The ji/kookers also seem to have pretty different timelines, but most agree they have been interested in each other since at least 2014 (mostly Jimin) and that they got together either in 2016 when JK became legal, or around 2017-18 when their moments seemed to skyrocket. Alternatively this was when they told the members but they had been hiding it for a while already. Anyways my point here is that many also say them getting together is the reason for Vmin and Tae/kook changing. Which I could buy, except where in this timeline did Vmin actually change in a way that makes sense for ji/kook? 

For me I think Vmin did seem to change around 2016, when they were basically glued together yet avoided vlives and seemed to become a bit more careful. We even have Jimin and Tae themselves talk about this time as when something changed for the better between them. For me they way I see it if Vmin has something between them I feel they get lost in each other sometimes, which is why when they noticed this behaviour started to be a bit careful around each other. Something we still see today though they seem to constantly push the boundaries. 

Just looking at Vmin's behaviour I don't think ji/kook being real explains it. For example to me it seems Vmin have been avoiding being live together since 2016, doing all kinds of odd things to excuse or avoid it. I could be wrong, but let's say Vmin avoid vlives for some reason. Now, let's say they avoid it because ji/kook is real. If Vmin can't have a vlive because of JK that would imply JK doesn't trust Jimin with Tae, or if Tae doesn't want to do it that Tae doesn't like ji/kook together to the point it affects his relationship with the both of them. In some way it would be ji/kook effect Vmin so much they can’t do something they both can do with other members. But if either is true then why would Vmin still have other moments? And why would both Jimin and Tae call each other soulmates? Would JK not be annoyed with all these other things? Or would Tae be completely fine with saying Jimin is his soulmate but refuse to do a live with him? And why would Vmin's intimacy seem to gradually get worse? Why would they force themselves to hold hands in public when Taehyung himself said in 2016 that doing that with a man would feel weird. To redirect from ji/kook? But the only reason they would have to redirect from ji/kook to begin with is because "they are so obvious". Wouldn't it make more sense to just be careful, rather than to have to force themselves to do something neither party wants to do just to blend in better? This is why ji/kook being real doesn't explain vmin to me. Because if ji/kook are so prone to jealousy, why do things to show their relationship that then lead to them having to force things that they don't want to do to be less suspicious again. It's just a weird narrative for me. Of course ji/kookers could be wrong about some of these things but ji/kook could still be real. But personally vmin still act odd when I look at them.

To me it comes down to the fact that Vmin has a lot of weird behaviours, and most of them could be explained by them being careful or private and unsure about what is ok or not to show. Or with them being fairly carefree and hiding behind their friendship label because they know some things are ok to show. Or sometimes even being so lost in each other or happy or sad that they they can't help themselves. And also that things seem to have changed over time, so slowly people got used to their behaviour and accept it as normal between them. Vmin sang a song about them being soulmates and everyone praised them for being such great friends and even "breaking the norm" of how two male best friends usually express themselves and show intimacy. 

Ji/kook being in the same room while one of them are live vs Vmin trying to avoid being live together. For me out of these two narratives (because neither is proven) Vmin seems more likely to have something to hide. And if they have something to hide, it seems more likely to be them being too close than them having fallen apart or JK hating them together so much they don't dare to be best friends. Because first I don't think they are that good actors, and two I see no reason to fabricate lies. If so it makes more sense to omit some parts of the truth. If Jimin and Taehyung says they are soulmates, then that is what they are. If they are best friends I would expect them to want to spend time together, and yet there are enough weird contradictions here for haters to believe Vmin is fake, because they never hang out etc.

For me ji/kook has a great bond and they love spending time together. It seems easy and carefree. I believe it when JK says he keeps no secrets from Jimin. They love to bicker and tease and I think they know fans ship them. What I don't see is them being careful, or vague or having excuses. I also don't see the members acting particularly careful in regards to ji/kook moments (there are possible exceptions, but I have seen 'careful of shipping moments' with many members and ships). Even Jin saying "are you guys a couple" or other similar to comment on ji/kook seems like an odd way to try and expose them. It's like they don't care at all if they touch upon something rather sensitive. Which makes me think it's not something sensitive. So, to me the conclusion I come to is that if ji/kook is real it's not a big issue if they get exposed. Either they really think they can get away with anything and rarely feel nervous, or they simply don’t care if people find out.

With Vmin I personally feel there are things. And I know it's just my feeling and interpretation. I think Vmin says some things and then act the opposite sometimes. I don't see why having a live together is a big deal. I don't see why Namjoon loves to point out that they are 'such good friends' all the time. I don’t understand why they push each other away sometimes, or stop doing things when cameras are on them etc. 

Of course Vmin has a ton of moments too. Even to the point people don't ship them because 'they show everything so openly'. But that's where I disagree, because while Vmin does show a lot, they also act careful or weird a lot. They are oddly private and has some contradicting things that have even made people think they hate each other or that Vmin is fake.

I don't understand why Ji/kook can have a rainbow themed photoshoot and publish a short movie from their private vacation with a song from a gay artist when Tae isn't allowed to sing his Christmas song with Jimin because the lyrics are basically 'too gay'. I also don't see why Taehyung would want to sing a romantic song with Jimin if he knows ji/kook are together. I don't understand how ji/kook can go out to dinner openly or go ice skating together when Vmin who are supposed to be best friends haven't been seen publicly together for years. If ji/kook who are an actual couple can do it, then so should Vmin. After all, they are saying they are best friends and we sometimes get to hear them or the members mention how close they are or when they have done something. And yet we see Namjoon or Hobi or their other friends with them much more often than with each other. It's because of this people even dare to claim Vmin isn't as close as they want us to think. But then we are back to not being able to trust them again, and I just don't see BTS going this far against their own messages to fake a relationship. Thus I come to the conclusion again that Vmin are simply more careful and private. Because if they are truly best friends they should like and want to spend time together. Basically, because I need to trust BTS for me to even like them I will believe Vmin are soulmates and best friends. But if they are, why are there so many strange things, and why do they seem to be reluctant to be seen alone together? It’s just one example, but I think you get my point.

And again I am not saying Vmin don't have things that might seem like them trying to expose themselves. Like the Christmas song for example, why would Tae even mention it? But to me it's more like he said it out of frustration and he also tried to play it off as no big deal. And same with Tata, I think Tae thought it was sneaky enough to be safe to say. In ji/kook's case it's just blunt. And they know people watch their every move too. Vmin we have actually seen be careful. Not to mention now Vmin can literally hold hands in public and sing they are each other's soulmates and people don't even blink because of their platonic label. But they built up to that gradually. 

I mean of course we have bias and I will think Vmin is superior in various ways because of that. But in the end for me I can't shake how I feel vmin's and the other members' reactions to vmin would at least make more sense if vmin is a couple (or has something to hide or feel insecure about showing at least) than if ji/kook is. Though I really think if there is something there it would be super risky to act on it at all and I doubt they would. I still say no ship being real is probably the most likely, but Vmin seems to walk that thin line between friends or romantic more than any other members. And it’s something we have seen more and more of. Like Vmin notice things are okay and then feel more comfortable showing them. Looking at their personalities, their behaviours, how intimate they can be and the fact that Vmin seem to be the closest according to other members and even having the label of soulmates I say Vmin makes the most sense. This is based on what I know myself because I have seen it or heard it from the members. Others will disagree and that's totally fine. I simply base this on the small portions of their lives we get to see, or not see.

Lastly I will answer all the asks I got in regards to ji/kook, but very very briefly because I think I said most of what I wanted to say already. I am pretty sure they are all from just one person, and your English is a little rough, so I apologize if I might have misunderstood something. Anyways, here goes.

Once again with obvious reasons, but I think they look more obvious because you have seen and heard more people talk about it. There are weird moments for sure, and ji/kook definitely have some theories that could make sense, but I wouldn’t say it’s obvious. Or everyone would ship ji/kook.

Also I find it interesting that you think Jimin had a crush on Tae. Personally I always felt it seemed more like Tae was the one with the crush. Beyond that, it’s possible I suppose, but it sounds more like a fanfiction if I am being honest.

If Ji/kook is dating and Vmin is there to cover, why would JK be jealous? If he knows it’s to help him and Jimin? And if it’s a problem, why use Tae as a cover? Why Vmin? Why not do it with another ship where JK wouldn’t be as jealous. Because clearly Hobi and JK can do whatever and sleep cuddled up. Why would it be neccessary for Vmin to get involved specifically? Especially if it makes people uncomfortable?

As for Saipain it looks a bit weird for sure, but I repeat, wanting to share a room doesn’t make a ship real or Vmin would have been real between 2013-2017. It’s possible they shared or wanted to share a room, but they could have other reasons to no want to show it than them being a couple. This would again also imply they are fairly open and probably out to a lot of their crew, aka not very careful.

I think people dismiss tae/kooks bond too much, all members are close and we know the two of them has said they are close and even have deep talks. Just because we don’t see them a lot on camera doesn’t mean they aren’t close. That being said I do actually agree and think Vmin and Ji/kook seem closer, but that’s based on what we see, and we don’t see everything.

I know ji/kook more than a little… And Vmin do spend time together, it just takes them actually talking about it for us to even know about it. Like in the recent vlive with Namjoon, Hobi and Tae where Tae revealed Jimin was actually with him in London 2018 when they took pictures at night. We had no clue, and if Hobi hadn’t said he didn’t remember and Tae had to explain it more, we might not have gotten to know Jimin was there either.

I do agree Vmin seem to be apart a lot and that they didn’t meet during the break etc. But if we use the break as an example, Jimin was gone for most of the time only meeting JK briefly, and yet when they filmed BV4 it seems Jimin was pretty needy and keeping close to Tae like he really missed him a lot and needed to be close. They even chose to sleep in the same bed together when ji/kook just as well could have done it if Jimin just picked a different room. But no, he even changed from the room he wanted because Tae liked the other one.

It’s complicated for sure, but maybe we are all just over analyzing and making things complicated? If you learned more about ji/kook have fun with that. I am honestly not interested. If there ever is a ship that comes out as real I will support it and I will be ok, until then (and I doubt such a day will come) I will enjoy Vmin as soulmates.

Also if JK is jealous of Tae despite them knowing each other for so many years, then ji/kook probably won’t last. Because being jealous because your boyfriend spends time with his best friend just shows you don’t trust your boyfriend.

I have no idea if Sweet Night has anything to do with Jimin, but if it is isn’t it kind of shitty to write a song to show you are in love with your best friend if said best friend is together with your other friend and co-worker? Especially after having a song with your best friend about how you want to be together forever and are soulmates? No wonder JK is jealous with a narrative like this.

The end of that interview is just Jimin being Jimin and teasing as usual to me. It’s similar to when he is fishing for more compliments from Namjoon. Maybe it’s something, but I personally don’t see much in it.

Also if Jimin is using Tae, and especially if Tae is uncomfortable then that is some real sad reality so I see why you would be sad. Strange though how Tae seems to be the one who thinks he doesn’t give enough in their relationship and calls Jimin an angel and the warmest person he’s ever met. Maybe Taehyung is just bad at reading people and don’t mind being used? But that seems to go against his otherwise very rebellious personality. Or maybe he is refusing to play along and that’s why people say he seems to be so cold towards Jimin, but then they have some serious problems they need to sort out because that isn’t healthy.

Vmin have different personalities. For me I think Jimin is loud with everyone and that’s why he allows himself to be loud with Tae too. Meanwhile Tae used to be super loud about his relationship to Jimin, but has tried to tone it down or hold back. Just my theory of course, but there are also times Jimin is the one pushing Taehyung away, so their weird push and pull behavior is something I find hard to explain. Also if Tae doesn’t want to, and if ji/kook get jealous about it why would they try to force Vmin to begin with?

Vmin/kook is weird. Maybe they all do have some drama of weird feelings that need to be resolved, but honestly we will probably never know. And it’s not really something we should need to know either. For me I enjoy all of BTS, and I especially love the bond between Jimin and Taehyung. I love BTS because they are so genuine, so if I start to think they are lying to us to the extent some of these theories would require then I would probably stop being a fan. As you say I refuse to think Vmin’s love is fake, because there is too much to show the complete opposite. You don’t have to try and ease me into a possible future where we learn another ship is real and not Vmin, because as long as their love is genuine I will still love their bond. Also, I always preach we should be open to whatever might be real, so obviously I am aware I could be wrong and Ji/kook could be together. I have said so many times. So again, please don’t feel the need to show me other ships to convince me another ship is real or makes more sense. It’s not what I am here for.

I know many will be sad/disappointed if their ship isn’t real, that’s why we shouldn’t get so fixated on having the right answer to begin with. Not everyone can be right, can they? We should be able to love Vmin without needing to have their relationship be romantic. Just try to enjoy and appreciate them together and the love we know they share.

I honestly didn’t understand this very well, maybe I am too tired. But again, many ships have moments that doesn’t make sense or that look awkward. People just zoom in and interpret some moments a lot more than others. As for Ji/kooks jokes/fanservice I do think it is mostly them trying to rile each other up for fun. They want to get a reaction, but the other one tries to resist. Usually this is Jimin directing it towards JK and getting close physically while JK tries not to react like some sort of showdown, while JK seems to go more for actual teasing like “Jimin is tiny” or playing “Lie” to rile Jimin up. Anyways, I see a lot of teasing between ji/kook for sure, but maybe that’s why they don’t seem like a long term relationship to me as well. Unless they have a kink to do that only for cameras or something. If Ji/kook is real then they shouldn’t have to tease to get attention so much if you ask me, at least not after being together for years. This is why Vmin being more diverse and soft, and their change from their younger more rowdy relationship is the kind of development that at least I personally see as more likely with a long term relationship where both parts grow and adapt together.

Not saying Ji/kook hasn’t gotten close and don’t have really intimate and sweet moments, they do for sure. But their main dynamic seem to be teasing, which makes them an interesting ship for sure, but for me at least less likely to be real.

There you all go. I did something I have avoided for a long time, which is doing direct comparisons and reasons for why I put one ship above another. Please don’t use this as a chance to hate on either relationship or shippers who don’t agree with you. I am sorry for this mess, and I might actually remove it later because I am not sure this is something I want on my blog.

Please, just remember, I have my reasons to ship Vmin. Other people have their reasons to ship other ships. It’s mostly about preference and focus, so let’s just try to enjoy our ships without having to worry or get involved with “rival ships”. Because BTS all love each other, so we should trust in what we see and enjoy it no matter what they might try to keep from us.

Thanks if you managed to read all of this and are still here. This was me being frustrated. Sorry.

I ship Vmin. Simple as that. 95z is love. Good night.

[artificialqueens]

Revelation Sunshine, Chapter 1 (Courtney/Vixen) - Veronica

A/N: Oh hi. Welcome to the Galactica sequel that I’ve been planning FOREVER. Like...literally since the time these two started interacting on Twitter, during season 10. Thanks to @artificialpuddle for the beta help, and @aqcitrus for brainstorming with me. <3

And of course, a HUGE thanks to @theartificialdane, for humoring me the whole way through and letting me explore this ship in the Galactica verse. It is mostly fluffy, fluffy shit, which is a bit out of my wheelhouse, but I love them so much and I just want them to be happy.

I think it can easily be read as a stand-alone story. The only thing you need to know from Galactica is that at this point in the story, Courtney is a wildly successful queer pop star and star of a fictional Disney franchise called ‘Glimmer,’ which costars Honey Mahogany as her love interest.

Challenge Notes:

Story is told mostly from Vixen’s POV

Her BFFs: Asia, Monet, Monique, Mayhem (who show up in person in Chapter 2)

The title is a song by Cree Summer. I’ve also made a playlist for this story, which can be found here.

#Vixney4Eva

TW: vague reference to past transphobia, sexual apprehension/nervousness that should in NO WAY be construed as dubcon

***

It was Honey who introduced them. Or, rather, Honey who handed Courtney the book that started everything, on the set of Glimmer 3.

BEWARE WHITE TEARS: Performativity and Racial Justice, by Toni “Vixen” Taylor enthralled Courtney so much that she barely slept for 3 nights, devouring it twice. And then she read the whole thing again, slowly, highlighting the parts that blew her mind the most.

On set, when she just couldn’t stop raving about it, Honey laughed at her.

“So...you liked it?”

“Omigod, yes!” Courtney exclaimed. “I mean, obviously I feel very called out. But in a good way? Like...this is making me rethink everything.”

“That’s good! I thought maybe you’d be offended,” Honey said, adjusting her crown.

“Offended? How long have we known each other?” Courtney giggled, bumping Honey with her hip. It was true: they’d been co-starring in the Glimmer franchise for 8 years at that point.

“Still.”

“But god, Honey, it was just...I mean, I don’t even have any words for how amazing it was. She’s so fucking smart and passionate, and so funny, and everything she says is like…” Courtney shook her head, starry-eyed.

“You should tell her,” Honey said with a saucy wink. “Send her a tweet or something.”

“She’s not gonna care what I think,” Courtney said. “I mean, hello? Chapter 4?”

“Okay, but she’s a professor. She’ll be thrilled that someone learned something. Besides, even if she doesn’t respond, maybe you’ll encourage your fans to read it.”

“That’s true…”

“And maybe get more people to listen to her podcast-”

“She has a podcast?!!” Courtney shrieked excitedly, then whispered, “Sorry,” when she saw the boom operator cringe.

Maybe Honey was right...but what should she say?

***

Vixen felt absolutely silly. There was really no reason for attention from a celebrity to make her so giddy. True, there’d been a phase when she hung on Courtney Act’s every word--but that was years ago. Early in her transition, when she felt like nothing she did was right. When she was desperate for any voice telling her that who she was was okay.

It was different now. She was 30 year old, for fuck’s sake. She didn’t need validation from anyone anymore, especially not a pop-star-come-Disney-princess. At least, that’s what she would have told anyone who asked.

But to herself, she couldn’t deny the thrill she got when she saw that first notification on her phone. The mild anxiety all day as she taught two lectures and graded a handful of thesis proposals--a nagging thought in the back of her mind wondering how she should reply. It wasn’t until late into the evening, after 2 glasses of wine, that she allowed herself to read it again, slowly typing out a reply.

Courtney Act @courtneyact ∙ 15h Just read @professorvixtaylor’s “Beware White Tears” and my mind is BLOWN. Everyone needs to read this game-changing book. E V E R Y O N E!!!! It’s so good, so informative, so powerful. AND I just found out that she has! A! Podcast!! #obsessed <3 <3 <3 <3

Dr. Vixen Taylor @professorvixtaylor ∙ 1m Replying to @courtneyact Glad you found it interesting! Thanks for the plug.

That was fine, right? Very chill. She went to sleep feeling pretty satisfied with herself. It wasn’t until the following morning when she saw Courtney’s response.

Courtney Act @courtneyact ∙ 6h Replying to @professorvixtaylor That is the understatement of the year!!! I LOVED it! You are BRILLIANT. I just listened to the first episode of your podcast and holy shit...it’s phenomenal.

Vixen put down her phone, a smile tugging at the corner of her mouth. It was shallow and cheap--being this enchanted by obviously exaggerated praise. But still...not a bad way to start the day.

***

Vixen was used to fighting. All of her life, it seemed, she’d had to prove herself. Scrape and claw for her voice to be heard. Shout into the void over and over, praying that someone would eventually listen. Demand attention and bang down doors and yell until she was hoarse.

Having someone at Courtney’s level of fame pay attention to her--emphatically describe her as brilliant, incisive, powerful, mind-blowing--Vixen’s impulse, in the beginning, was to lie. To say she didn’t need that kind of validation from anyone, especially a rich, famous, beautiful white girl. The embodiment of privilege. Someone whose coming out was celebrated in the media like a massive human rights achievement. Because how could someone like that ever really get it?

But on the other hand…she had to hand it to Courtney. She had excellent taste in podcasts.

And there was something soothing about a person who didn’t expect her to prove anything. Someone who respected her from the jump, who engaged with her book and her podcasts from a place of dignity, assuming that she knew what she was talking about. She didn’t demand back-up or further explanations when she came across material that was confusing. She did the work herself, looking up the articles and studies Vixen cited, posting them with a quote when something in particular caught her attention.

So reluctantly, over the next month or two, Vixen found herself warming to the idea of a real dialogue. It was January 1st, sitting on her grandmother’s plastic-covered sofa, when Vixen finally bit the bullet and slipped into Courtney’s DMs, so to speak.

Courtney had been tweeting up a storm over the holidays. Gobbling up her podcasts rapidly and hungrily, heaping her and her guests with praise and incidentally, making her subscriber numbers climb. She opened a direct message window, typing out a message that she hoped would make Courtney laugh.

@professorvixtaylor: Alright, already. This is getting embarrassing...

The response came within minutes.

@courtneyact: LOL! Listen, nobody ever accused me of a lack of enthusiasm.

@professorvixtaylor: I bet not ;)

It took one afternoon of DMs before Courtney gave Vixen her phone number. “Twitter’s great, but it’s probably easier to just text, right?”

Well.

Vixen had to admit, she had a point.

***

“So listen,” Latrice said, heaving a deep sigh. “I hate to be the one to tell you this. Like, I really, really hate it.”

“Oh shit,” Courtney said, wrapping herself in a blanket and preparing herself for whatever horrible news her manager was about to deliver. “Go ahead…”

“This isn’t coming from me, okay? It’s coming from Disney.”

“Just tell me, Latrice. What? Is the tour cancelled? Do they hate the new video? Do we need to do reshoots? What?”

“No, all that’s fine. They just...they’re a little uncomfortable about your interactions with this Vixen person.”

“Why?” Courtney sat up, ready to get extremely annoyed, extremely fast.

“Well, it’s just...she’s apparently got some very radical ideas, and-”

“So? Maybe they’re amazing ideas? Have you read the book?” Courtney countered.

Latrice sighed.

“Courtney, listen. It’s just...not what they want while they’re trying to promote this last movie.”

“It’s a movie that ends with a gay interracial marriage!” Courtney exclaimed. “So why the fuck do they have a problem with me complimenting a Black political science professor on Twitter?! This is beyond idiotic, Latrice, you have to admit that! And by the way, I’m not gonna stop. She’s amazing and her book is important and more people should know about her, and if they want to fire me, then fine!” Courtney’s heart was racing as she tried to catch her breath.

There was a pause before Latrice spoke again.

“I assumed this would be your response.”

“Yeah, so. Now what?!”

“Now, I tell them that you feel very strongly about this, and that you’re not breaching any contract, and if they try to silence you on this issue, you’re prepared for a very public, very embarrassing fight,” Latrice said.

“Okay…” Courtney waited for the catch.

“I’m pretty sure they’ll drop it.”

“Just like that?” Courtney asked, confused. She’d gotten herself well and riled up, prepared for a real battle.

“Yeah, baby,” Latrice said. “Just like that. Chalk it up to white privilege.”

Courtney couldn’t help but laugh at that, head falling back on the sofa cushions.

“Good one, ma’am.”

After they hung up, Courtney opened Instagram, delighted that Vixen had updated her story. It was just a casual picture, her and two other professors getting ready to speak at a round table discussion. Courtney smiled, replying to the picture with heart eyes and the question, ‘Is that top from my collection?’

She responded a little while later, while Courtney was on the elliptical, saying, ‘I was hoping you’d notice. ;)’

Courtney giggled to herself, wondering when she’d get to meet this amazing, glowingly beautiful woman. All she wanted was to finally talk, face to face. Maybe in the spring, when her tour hit Chicago? Which, as far as Courtney was concerned, couldn’t happen soon enough.

***

It may very well have been a love letter, Vixen thought, finding her cheeks blazing hot at the thought. She’d woken up to a video posted on Courtney’s Twitter feed. “How To Be a Race Ally.”

Vixen watched the whole video with a healthy amount of skepticism. It was great, actually. Humble and informative. Cleverly incorporating some of the points from her podcast (with proper credit given) and even some things she’d said over text recently (also with credit, and a wink straight into the camera that made Vixen feel things she wasn’t prepared for at 7:30 in the morning).

Dr. Vixen Taylor @professorvixtaylor ∙ 1m Replying to @courtneyact Okay fine, you can come to the cookout.

As usual, Courtney's response was lightning fast, an emoji wearing a party hat and about 10 exclamation points. Vixen couldn’t resist teasing her a little bit more.

Dr. Vixen Taylor @professorvixtaylor ∙ 1m Replying to @courtneyact I don’t know how vegan-friendly it’ll be, though.  

Courtney Act @courtneyact ∙ 1m Replying to @professorvixtaylor You really think I’m there for the food? ;P

Vixen rose from her bed, an almost giddy feeling filling her chest. She really needed to calm the fuck down. What was with this silly schoolgirl behavior? And on a public platform? Every interaction ran the risk of absolutely ruining the street cred she’d spent years building up. (Monet was already making it her personal mission to screenshot every exchange and then tease her mercilessly, and Asia had begun to join in.)

Besides, what were the odds that it would ever be anything but a short-lived flirtation? Courtney was bound to become captivated by something else soon. An animal rights group, perhaps. Or funding for the arts in public schools. There were a billion issues competing for her attention. How long would Vixen’s moment in the sun possibly last?

And yet, when Courtney tweeted that she was on her way to New York, Vixen found herself taking a shot of liquid courage and then sending a text.

VIXEN: Hey...how long are you gonna be in New York?

COURTNEY: A couple of weeks, why?

VIXEN: Well, I have a conference at Columbia on February 23, and then I’m gonna stay for a few days. Maybe we could meet up?

COURTNEY: YES

COURTNEY: I mean, sure. Sounds lovely. Tell me what day you’re free. <3

***

It was strange, seeing Courtney in person after all this time. As much as Vixen enjoyed chatting with her, and as validating as it was to get so much attention, she had reminded herself over and over again that this was all just friendly banter. A bit of lighthearted flirting, maybe, but the possibility of a genuine romantic connection was absolutely out of the question.

But then.

When Courtney first emerged from the elevators, smile bright, it was like time ceased to be linear. Nothing...not pictures, not video, not even that concert she’d attended all those years ago, prepared her for how heart-stoppingly beautiful she was in person.

Vixen stood, in slow motion, knees shaking a little, suddenly hugely aware of her height. Was Courtney always this little? Why had Vixen worn heels?

It must have taken Courtney less than 10 seconds to cross the lobby to where Vixen stood, but for some reason, it felt like 10 years. Excruciatingly slow, and yet somehow, Vixen was still caught off guard as she bounded up and grasped both of her hands.

“Thank you so much for coming!” Courtney exclaimed, that dazzling smile still on her face. “It’s amazing to finally be in the same room!”

“Yeah, it’s…” Vixen offered a smile of her own, swallowing hard. Her hands were warm and soft, and as Vixen gazed down at her, she could feel her heart racing faster than ever. “How was your day?”

“Crazy…” Courtney linked an arm through Vixen’s, leading her towards the hotel bar.

It took a concerningly short time for all the weirdness to dissipate, for Vixen to forget that she was across the table from a celebrity, a person she’d been following for years, a person that she’d idolized at one point in her life.

She was just a girl. Granted, she was a beautiful girl, but one who seemed incredibly excited, even honored, to be talking to Vixen—about her book, her podcast, her life. Where she came from and what she cared about and who she looked up to. A girl who wanted to get to know her.

After awhile, when Vixen was finally relaxed enough to really open up, she told Courtney about hearing ‘Kaleidoscope’ for the first time. How, at that point in her transition, it made all the difference in the world to see Courtney so open about the fluidity of gender and sexuality. To hear those magical words. ‘This is who we are.’

Courtney nodded along, listening to her, tears filling her eyes. She covered Vixen’s hand with her own, and said, “I needed it too.”

As the hours ticked by, they talked about everything. Passion, art, travel, identity. She wanted to know when Vixen began to question her own gender, how she knew that she wanted to transition. She was delighted by the story of her brief foray into drag during the early college years, the source of her now permanent nickname. In spite of all the questions (or maybe because of them), for once, Vixen felt like she wasn’t on the defensive. She found herself being more sincere and honest about all of it than she’d been in a long time.

“I’m not usually this open,” she admitted at one point.

Courtney laughed, eyes glittering, and said, “I’m usually too open.”

“I think you’re just right,” Vixen replied, giving her a generous smile.

They talked about their childhoods. How much she loved pretend and fantasy as a kid.

“I went through a phase—that’s generous, it was like 3 years—where I really wanted to be a dragon. I had this dumb...dragon hoodie, that I wore all the time. And when I finally grew out of it, I cried.”

“Aww,” Courtney said, reaching for her hand. “I bet you were adorable.”

“I think I just really, really didn’t want to be me.”

Courtney took in a slow, deep breath, and then let it out even slower.

“I’m not gonna pretend that I really get it. Everything you’re talking about. I don’t know if I ever could. But...I get that part.”

Vixen raised an eyebrow.

“You? How do you get it?” Vixen let out a chuckle. “I’m not trying to judge you, but I just...look at you. You’re this perfect, sparkly princess. Everything the world wants a girl to be.”

“Yeah...I see what you’re saying. But...sometimes it feels like that’s all the world wants. Is the sparkly princess part. And I’m more than that. Or, I hope I am. But…” Courtney trailed off, wrinkling her nose. “Do I sound really dumb?”

“You don’t sound dumb. You sound like a very intelligent, thoughtful...sparkly princess.”

Courtney threw back her head and laughed.

“I can’t believe you laughed at that,” Vixen said with a shake of her head. “It was such a cheap shot.”

“Well, I’m an easy laugh,” Courtney said, shrugging unapologetically.

“Yeah I’ve heard that about you,” Vixen couldn’t help saying, and Courtney’s giggles continued.

They stared at each other for a few moments, eyes burning in the dim light, with matching, goofy grins decorating their faces, until Vixen broke, shaking her head.

“This is so surreal…”

“How so?” Courtney asked, voice lilting in a way that felt almost like a tease, resting a chin on her hand.

Vixen hesitated. It felt so cliché to say that it was because Courtney was famous, or because she once cried at her concert when she was 23.

“I mean...you’re not even really my type,” she finally answered with a small shrug.

“Oh yeah? What’s your type?”

“Ummm...I normally go for curvy Latinas,” Vixen said, lashes fluttering.

Courtney’s eyes widened, smile deepening, as she exclaimed, “Oh my god, me too!”

They both started laughing again, clinking glasses for good measure.

“So, um...do you have to go back to Chicago tomorrow?”

“Actually, no. I decided to stay a few more days,” Vixen replied. “See some shows, meet up with some friends. There’s this museum in Brooklyn that I’ve been dying to check out for years.”

“What museum?” Courtney asked.

“It’s, uh, called the Museum of Contemporary African Diasporan Arts,” Vixen said. “Kind of a mouthful but-”

“Sounds great. I wish I could see it.”

“You wanna come? I’m going tomorrow after lunch.”

“Ugh, I wish!” Courtney said, stretching her neck. “But the press tour schedule is insane. I’m doing two more interviews tomorrow, and then I fly to LA to kick off the tour.”

“Tough breaks.” Vixen tried, unsuccessfully, not to sound sarcastic.

“Listen, I’m not complaining. I’m very lucky.” Courtney smiled, tilting her head. “But it would’ve been cool to see that museum.”

“Next time,” Vixen promised.

“I’m holding you to that,” Courtney said, gaze fixed on Vixen’s face as she downed the rest of her drink.

Vixen gave a small nod, finding her eyes hypnotic. Surreal indeed.

They ordered yet another round as hotel patrons trickled out, crowd thinning, closing time approaching. By the time they stood up to leave, they’d knocked back quite a few--more than Vixen realized at the time. She grabbed Courtney’s arm to steady her as the blonde swayed in her heels.

“You alright?”

“Mmhmm…” Courtney gazed up at her, lashes fluttering.

“Do you want me to help you upstairs?”

“Okay…”

In the elevator, Courtney wrapped her arms around Vixen’s waist, leaning a head on her shoulder. Vixen’s heart hammered in her chest, one hand gripping the railing for support.

At the door, Courtney looked up at her, eyes bright, breathing out, “You know, we don’t have to be up until 10 tomorrow…”

“What are you…‘we?’”

It took Vixen a moment to catch on to her train of thought, a wave of nerves washing over her.

“Listen. Um. I think you’re great,” she began, wincing as she saw Courtney’s blissful expression crumble. “But...I just, I never hook up with girls who’ve been drinking. It’s just…”

Vixen didn’t want to explain the whole story. The girl in the lesbian bar, years ago, who danced with her all night, flirting and rubbing against her, inviting her back to her apartment. Only, when they began to undress, and it became clear that Vixen’s body was a little different, the girl flipped a switch. Went from a delightful buzz to drunken rage. Accused her of taking advantage, called her...Vixen didn’t even want to think about that. Or about how she’d left her apartment as fast as possible, terrified and choking back tears. How at home, she’d collapsed into Asia’s arms and sobbed most of the night, wondering if she’d ever fit in, anywhere.

Courtney wasn’t that girl in the bar—Vixen knew that. But she was clearly tipsy, and some things, some decisions, required a clear head.

“It’s not you,” she finished lamely. “You’re amazing.”

Courtney nodded, swallowing her disappointment like a champ and saying, “You’re amazing.”

Before she left, Vixen leaned in and brushed her lips against Courtney’s cheek.

She walked toward the elevator, regret stinging the back of her throat. She had no idea how long it would be before they saw each other again, and suddenly her arbitrary rules based on one shitty asshole in a bar 7 years ago seemed...absurd. She turned back around. Courtney was still leaning in her open doorway, watching her walk away.

“Hey, how drunk are you, actually? Can you recite the Pledge of Allegiance?” Vixen asked.

“No—” Courtney said, brow furrowed.

“Oh.” Vixen’s heart deflated a bit.

“—Because we don’t have the Pledge of Allegiance in Australia.”

“Right,” Vixen laughed.

“But what about, um, okay...so...here's a story from A to Z. You wanna get with me, you gotta listen carefully. We got Em in the place who likes it in your face. You got G like MC who likes it on a. Easy V doesn't-”

Vixen strode forward and silenced her with a kiss, soft and sweet, almost chaste at first, both of them giggling. As the kiss deepened, Vixen grabbed Courtney around the waist and pushed her backward into the room, letting the door slam shut behind them.

Vixen was so enamoured that she barely registered Courtney’s massive hotel suite, the entry hall or huge living room that Courtney led her through on the way to the bedroom. Guiding her by her hips to the bed, Courtney pushed her into a seated position and stood between her legs, chasing her lips as she took hold of her collar, fingering the little pearl buttons down the front of her shirt dress.

“Is this okay?” she asked, and Vixen nodded.

“Yeah.” She watched Courtney’s heavy-lidded eyes as she quickly opened the buttons, skin prickling as she pushed it off Vixen’s shoulders. She kissed Vixen again, deep and messy, sucking on her bottom lip.

Panting, Vixen reached around, fumbling for Courtney’s zipper. Once she pulled it down a few inches, the cotton dress easily came off over her head, and then there she was, standing in front of Vixen in nothing but a pair of baby blue panties.

Vixen swallowed, eyes sweeping over Courtney’s body, dying to touch her but nervous as all fuck.

“Listen, um...I should tell you…”

Courtney paused mid-way through opening Vixen’s belt to look at her curiously, face earnest and alert. The perfect student.

Vixen sighed. The fact that Courtney was so willing to listen, so considerate, should have been a bonus. But in this moment, it just made her feel startlingly inadequate. She hated this. The feeling of not being enough, or being too much. She didn’t even know anymore. All she knew was that she was about to make herself more vulnerable than she’d ever been, and she was terrified.

“So...Okay, um. I guess...it’s just been a long time since...I was with a girl.”

“Tell me about it,” Courtney said, grinning.

“No. A really long time,” Vixen said.

“Okay. Does that mean you don’t want-”

“No!” Vixen burst out, a little too emphatically, and then lowered her eyes bashfully, adding in a calmer voice, “No, I want to be with you, I just...might be a little out of practice.” It was an understatement, a lie of omission that unsettled Vixen’s stomach a bit. But it was all she felt comfortable with revealing at the moment, and she hoped that she’d be forgiven later.

“Hmm…” Courtney took Vixen’s face in her hands, tilting her chin up. “I think I can work with that…”

She bent down to kiss her again, soft as a whisper, fingers stroking Vixen’s cheekbones, before pulling back and gazing down at her.

“God,” Courtney breathed, “You are so beautiful.”

Vixen took in a shaky breath, her hands finally lifting to slide around Courtney’s hips. Something about the way Courtney looked at her was different than anything she’d ever experienced. She’d been the object of lust before, and sometimes very much enjoyed it. But this was more than that. She felt more than sexy, more even than beautiful. She felt seen.

But for once, rather than get all wrapped up in anxiety about what it meant, Vixen acted on instinct. She gripped Courtney's waist and pulled her forward, flinging her onto her back on bed. Courtney squealed delightedly, pulling her along.

Courtney smiled up at her, reaching a hand out but then pausing, letting her fingers rest on Vixen’s shoulder.

“Am I allowed to touch your hair? ‘Cause I’ve heard...”

Vixen couldn’t help laughing as she nodded and said, “That rule doesn’t really apply here.”

“Okay,” Courtney giggled, fingering her twists gently.

Vixen turned her head, pressing a kiss to Courtney’s wrist, then slowly moving up her arm, and finally nuzzling into her shoulder. Her skin smelled fresh and almost sweet, like she’d recently been in a doughnut shop. It wasn’t sugary like some kind of food-based perfume or soap, just a gentle, vague deliciousness that Vixen became addicted to immediately, burying her face into her neck to inhale deeply.

She found a soft, tender spot, just below Courtney’s ear, that made her sigh when kissed, and began to suck. Courtney inhaled sharply, hips thrusting up against Vixen’s, hands tightening in her hair.

“You like that?” Vixen asked, emboldened, hands sliding up from her waist to scratch gently at her ribcage.

“Uh huh,” Courtney breathed, arching up again as Vixen kissed her, thumb brushing over her hardened nipple. A whimper fell from her lips.

Vixen’s dress was half off at this point, pushed down around her waist, and when Courtney’s fingers began to trail lightly up and down her back, she shivered. Courtney pushed the dress further down, wriggling it over Vixen’s hips to her thighs, and Vixen pulled it off the rest of the way.

She was expecting to feel uncomfortably exposed, both of them now just in their panties—a situation she hadn’t found herself in with a woman is a very fucking long time. Especially a woman she liked this much. But instead of feeling awkward, she found her pulse racing with excitement, nearly breathless in anticipation of what might come next.

She realized that she’d been frozen for a few moments when Courtney raised herself up on her elbows and asked, “Are you alright?”

Vixen nodded, and Courtney sat up further, reaching out to touch her cheek.

“You want to take a break? Slow things down?”

“No,” Vixen said simply, slipping her fingers under the sides of Courtney’s panties. Her hips lifted, allowed Vixen to slide them off easily, heart in her throat when she saw how glistening wet she was already. She knew that she was potentially in over her head, but there was also a strong urge to keep going, pulse racing with desire.

“Come here.” Courtney stretched out her arm, pulling Vixen in for a kiss, tongues tangling together. She rolled Vixen over, onto her back, grinding down against her.

As much as Vixen wanted to please her, ceding control to Courtney felt liberating. She watched through heavy-lidded eyes as Courtney lavished her with affection, layering kisses against her skin. When a warm tongue swirled over her nipple, her hips jerked up, a stifled moan escaping from her throat.

Courtney sucked harder on her nipple, hands sliding down her torso, lips following as they trailed over Vixen’s tense abdomen. She hooked her fingers into the sides of Vixen’s panties and then looked up questioningly.

“Can I...?”

“Go ahead,” Vixen replied, straining to raise her hips, finding her core muscles in a weakened state, skin so flushed and hot that for a moment, she barely remembered to be self-conscious. Until Courtney began to slide her panties down, and suddenly she remembered exactly what she’d been dreading. When the reality of who she was would confront Courtney, more than theoretical, more than an idea.

Her chest rose and fell rapidly as she watched Courtney’s face. If she had any qualms about a girl with a dick, she certainly didn’t show it. She simply continued to suck soft kisses into her skin, warm hands resting on her thighs.

Vixen finally relaxed backwards, eyes falling shut. She let go of all her worries, all her stupid insecurities. At least for now. At least while Courtney took her dick into her mouth, tongue flicking delicately at her. Vixen’s hips thrust upwards, hands gripping the comforter tightly, moans dripping from her lips like honey.

It had been so achingly long since anyone had touched her this way. Maybe no one ever had, she realized as she arched into the soft caresses. She’s certainly never experienced this kind of loving attention from a woman, a woman treating her like she was precious and beautiful, turning her into a gasping, quivering mess. Vixen felt herself falling apart quickly, losing control, nearly gone before she had the wherewithal to choke out a pained warning.

“I’m-I’m gonna-”

“Mmhmmm…” Courtney made no move to stop, swirling her tongue again, then taking her deeper, sucking harder.

“Oh fuck,” Vixen moaned, hips pumping uncontrollably as she came, gasping for air.

The way Courtney’s hands stroked her thighs, continued to suck softly as she melted backwards into the pillows, every muscle in her body going slack--the small part of her that was still conscious shivered with delight, thrilled with the feeling of being spoiled.

It wasn’t until her body was completely still, bones feeling like jelly, when Courtney began to work her way up her body once again, hands sliding over her skin until she came nose to nose with her once again.

Courtney smiled, kissing her cheeks, down along her jaw, the corner of her mouth. Lips rousing her from a state of sheer exhaustion into warm, sleepy affection. Her hands circled Courtney's waist.

“How are you feeling, baby?” Courtney murmured.

“Uh huh.”

Courtney giggled, twirling a lock of her hair around her finger as she pressed more kisses against her.

Vixen sighed contentedly, pulling her in close, not caring how clingy and pathetic she might seem, just wanting the warmth of Courtney’s body against her own. Courtney snuggled into her arms, slipping to the side of her, legs still tangled together.

After a few slow, lazy kisses, Vixen started to sense a shift. Courtney’s breath grew hot and ragged, hips rutting against her. She cautiously moved a hand down, working it in between her thighs, fingers seeking out her wet heat.

“Show me what you want,” she urged, desire to give Courtney pleasure finally outweighing her fear of looking like an amateur.

Courtney lifted her head, giving her a sleepy grin and reaching down to guide her. She patiently showed Vixen exactly where to touch her, what to do to tease her, when to speed up and circle her clit, how deep for her fingers to go and exactly how to curl them to make her tremble. Vixen followed her breathless instructions, guided by Courtney’s own hand, thrilled at the way her body responded.

Soon, Courtney’s eyes were rolled back, muscles straining, tits brushing against Vixen’s chest as she thrusted against her fingers, fucking down into them, breathy moans music to Vixen’s ears. Her hips moved faster and faster until she stopped, whimpering, just barely grinding against the heel of Vixen’s hand, lips pressed to her neck.

Vixen had never made a girl come before, and it was so much more beautiful than she’d imagined, from the way her lashes fluttered against her cheeks to the slick sheen of sweat on her forehead, to her ass flexing, muscles still twitching against Vixen’s fingers. And the best part, the way she looked up at Vixen at the end, eyes locked with hers as the waves of pleasure radiated through her body, fingers wound tightly into her hair.

“Fuck,” Courtney sighed, collapsing against Vixen’s body, trapping her hand for a few moments before realizing it and letting her wriggle free with a sleepy laugh. “Sorry.”

“It’s okay,” Vixen said, tilting her chin up for a kiss. Her whole body had suddenly become soft and pliant, and all Vixen wanted was to wrap her into an embrace. She wasn’t expecting it to feel this intimate. A part of her had even worried that this whole affair would be wrapped up in a one-night stand. But as Courtney cuddled against her, heart still hammering, she felt closer to her than ever. “I should probably tell you…”

“Mmm?”

“What I said earlier, about not being with a girl in a long time?” Vixen swallowed. “I uh...I haven’t really had a girlfriend since high school. And I guess I’ve come close since then, but never really went through with it...as me. The real me.”

Courtney lifted her head, fingers trailing down Vixen’s arm, a smile playing on her lips.

“Thank you for trusting me with the real you,” she said softly.

Vixen nodded, not sure what more there was to add, when a clap of thunder outside scared the living shit out of her, causing her to nearly jump out of her skin. So much for a warm and fuzzy moment.

Courtney laughed, pulling up the covers and cocooning them both, pressing a kiss to her forehead.

“Don’t worry, I’ll protect you,” she said, snuggling tight against Vixen’s body.

“You better,” Vixen replied.

[sunshineandfangs]

Saudade, Retrouvailles

Day Seven (October 13th - Sunday): Canon-ish

Still annoyed by all the mess that was made in TVD/TO? Well, this is the day for you to write your own version of the events. TO’s ending fix-its, canon divergences throughout the show(s), future moments… It’s all fair game! So explore all the unexplored potential of Klaroline in this day and share the goodness with us all!

I didn’t manage trope x trope, but I finally decided to work on the canon fix-it I’ve been meaning to write for months...Although I guess one can argue there are at least two tropes in this.

The words are inspired by this post by @labime.

Saudade:

The feeling of longing for someone that you love and is lost.

“Vague and constant desire for something that does not and probably cannot exist.”

Retrouvailles:

The happiness of meeting again after a long time.

“…in French, we say ‘les retrouvailles sont hors du temps’ which poorly translates to ‘there are moments that don’t fit time.’”

---

The Unmaking

She felt it.

Sitting in her car just outside the city limits of New Orleans, her head tipped back against the seat.

He was gone.

A tiny, hysterical giggle (sob) caught in her throat. Surely, it couldn’t just be her that felt the change of his absence? The most powerful creature in the world, as he once said.

And all those years and miles between them: twisting and turning and slowly, elegantly going to twine their lives together.

All of that, so it could end like this.

Her fingers curled, white-knuckled around the steering wheel, her head tilting forward.

No.

She wouldn’t let it.

---

For a woman that planned out the vast majority of her life, there was a distinct lack of such as she rushed to fix this-this travesty. It was a desperate, selfish feeling that swelled and consumed her from the inside-out. A feeling she couldn’t call anything but love. Ironic considering how long she spent running from such a label.

But she knew with a deep, long buried instinct exactly what she could do, as though through a veil of dreams old knowledge and memories resurfaced. They had been lost to her for a long time. Not blackened and suppressed like compulsion, but rather dimmed to something forgettable and unimportant.

See, on her dresser there was a beautiful music box. She had carried it with her from her childhood home to her dorm and on and on to each place she lived. Subconsciously, she had held it close even when she had forgotten its meaning.

And while hers was white and gold and sleek lines, delicately painted and carved with flowers and butterflies, her father’s had been a small, intricate thing. Burnished gold filigree and encrusted with tiny emeralds. It had led his heart to Steven, granted courage when he would have been cowed by small town judgement. Granted knowledge of how to protect all that he held most precious to him.

A vague niggling in her brain reminded her too of her grandmother’s, her father’s mother. How Nana’s had been deceptively plain, though sturdily made of a handsome wood. Whatever gift it had granted to her, Caroline could not recall, but she knew each of the Forbes line, back and back across countless generations carried one with them until they needed it most.

Once more the irony was near overwhelming. It had not been the innumerable disasters and dramas of Mystic Falls that triggered her remembrance, but Klaus. Klaus and the wild, powerful emotions that dwelled in her heart.

The drive from NOLA back to Mystic Falls was a blur, a blitz down the highway that she could barely recall. And as if on autopilot, Caroline stepped purposefully toward her room once she arrived. To where the music box sat, as it always had.

With delicate fingers, she cracked open the lid and slowly wound its key. Listened to the clicks of the gears. And when she released it, magic sung through the air. It wound itself around her figure, the sheer force unmistakable for all that its touch was gentle. The world shuddered and shrunk around her. Time and space and reality itself unwoven. Threads pulled loose and returned to the ether, ready to be twined together once more.

---

The Reforging

When the world came back into focus, Caroline found herself stalking away from the school. The transition was extremely disorienting, expecting it or not, and she was thankful that the current (past?) version’s memories were at the forefront of her mind.

Her eyes widened as she processed them, her body blurring into motion, a thousand thoughts whirling in her head. The cancellation of the 1980s Decade Dance, for all that it vexed this Caroline, would have been a mere blip on her radar. However, there was a different set of events that happened today. Events that she recalled far, far move vividly.

As she raced across town toward the Gilbert’s house part of her was thankful for the essence of world altering magic that lingered within her. Not only did it grant her memories of The-Future-That-Never-Was (now at least, and hopefully never will be), but also her strength. And sure a decade or two extra meant little in the grand scheme of vampire strength, but right now any advantage helped.

Splitting her attention, Caroline fumbled for a moment to grab her phone as she ran, hesitated a split second before settling on texting Klaus. (Ignored what it meant that she had his old number memorized). She was fairly certain she could get the jump on her friends, considering this would be an utterly unexpected and seemingly out of character move. Still, it wouldn’t do to accidentally alert more people’s suspicions than she had to with a call. Klaus would certainly be challenge enough.

---

Said Hybrid was fuming in the cellar of the Salvatore’s basement, only a fraction of his attention paid to snark at the elder Salvatore of all people. He was far more restless than he let on, sensing something was wrong, but not knowing what. Having long learned to trust his instincts, it was frustrating to be uncertain where to point them.

When his phone vibrated in his hand, he looked down eager for news, and saw the last person he expected to be texting him.

[Caroline Forbes] 4:12 PM: klaus this is caroline

[Caroline Forbes] 4:12 PM: get to the gilberts house

[Caroline Forbes] 4:12 PM: NOW

[Caroline Forbes] 4:12 PM: trust me pls!

He abruptly stopped talking as he peered down at his phone, wondering when Caroline learned his number, wondering if he could trust her as she requested. As she near begged him to really. And it was that note of pleading, present even through the pixels of his phone that settled the matter for him. Without so much as an acknowledgement or good-bye, unless one counted snapped necks, Klaus sped up the stairs.

---

Halfway to his destination, Klaus’ phone rang, Kol’s name on the caller ID. His eyes narrowed, instincts flaring, and he moved even faster as he answered the call.

“Well, if it isn’t the happy homicidal maniac,” he taunted, digging for the truth as he riled his brother.

His brother that was certainly not abiding by their normal script as he snarled back, “Did you know that your darling former blood bag and her brother are trying to kill me?”

“What?” He growled, the pieces easily falling into place with Caroline’s own texts from mere moments before.

“Don't pretend like you're not in on it. Your obsession to find the cure clearly trumps any sibling loyalty you once felt.”

There’s so much Klaus wished to say, most of which he swallowed to save for their upcoming confrontation.

“You are an utterly reckless fool, Kol, but you are my brother first.”

His words seemed to fall on deaf ears. “I'm going to rip off Jeremy's arm and kill Elena just for sport. Then I'm coming for you.”

The call ended before Klaus can retort. Though with the house mere streets away he could hear the fighting. Once this little problem was dealt with, he and his brother could have a proper chat.

---

Caroline came disastrously close to colliding into Bonnie in her rush. Though it took little time to turn it into something fortuitous, memories of a spelled cage and a furious Hybrid in her mind. Offering up a mental apology, Caroline gently knocked the witch out, setting her down swiftly, but carefully on the Gilbert’s front porch when she reached it.

Even from outside, Elena’s, Jeremey’s, and Kol’s fighting was glaringly obvious. Sounds of their shouts and the destruction of furniture carried down from the upstairs. Caroline rushed in, all but flying towards the sounds of their conflict.

It was sheer luck that had her appearing as Kol vanished to chase Jeremey, Elena’s head conveniently bowed as she struggled with the stake in her leg. Another mental apology and another unconscious friend later, and Caroline’s obstacles were dropping by the second.

Thankfully, her luck continued to hold as she flashed after Kol and Jeremey .And when she came upon them Jeremy was still dazed as he was dragged upright by Kol. Being a Hunter and in an Original’s grasp, Caroline couldn’t afford to be as delicate as she was with Bonnie. She slammed the poor boy out of Kol’s arms and used the momentum to smack his head onto the counter, being extremely careful not to kill him, though she feared he’d likely need some blood when he came to.

She then rapidly backpedaled as Kol snarled at her, confusion slightly softening his otherwise fierce expression.

“What is this?” He hissed. “Here to protect him? I’m afraid I can’t allow that, Darlin’.”

He took a menacing step towards her as she raised her arms in placation, even as she prepared to dodge his blow.

“Take another step and I’ll tear out your liver.”

Caroline didn’t allow the sound of Klaus’ voice to soften the wariness in her spine, no matter how much she longed to. She also didn’t take her eyes off Kol, even as he turned to sneer at his brother in the doorway.

“Don’t you have any original threats, brother. First daggers now my liver. Besides-” his slight pause was all the warning she had, and thankfully all the warning she needed. She just managed to dodge his blow, though he was uncomfortably close as he snarled, “you’re not invited in.”

Flashing closer to the entrance, she was able to hear every bit of menace in Klaus’ voice. (If both monster and woman were a bit flattered by his protectiveness... well she ignored that for now too).

“Do you think I’ve forgotten how to dismantle a house until ownership means nothing, because I assure you, Kol, I have not.”

Kol chuckled darkly. “And in the time it takes you to do so? What do you think shall happen to this tasty little thing, hm?”

Caroline still wasn’t looking at Klaus, but she felt the way the air shifted. Suspected that his eyes were burning Wolf gold behind her.

“Nothing,” he uttered with a frightening matter-of-factness, “if you don’t wish to be begging for a dagger by the time I am through with you.”

Something hateful shifted on Kol’s face and despite how all her instincts screamed at her to stay silent, Caroline knew she could not. Not when they were on the verge of dangerous escalation.

“Enough!” She yelled, startling both brothers, for all that they were partially arguing about her. Steadied herself as both their regard shifted. “There are far more important things we should be discussing.”

“Oh? And what things are those, Darlin’.”

It was obvious Kol wasn’t taking her seriously in the slightest. Irritating though unsurprising. That quickly changed when she uttered her next words.

“Things such as Silas.”

There was a moment of stunned silence before both Mikaelson’s spoke. Kol now serious and mildly suspicious. Klaus incredulous.

“However did a baby vampire from Mystic Falls learn anything of Silas?”

“Sweetheart, you can’t believe such utter rot.”

With both Originals now clearly hungry for answers and the mounting list of things Caroline knew she must do, she almost regretted stepping in to save Kol. 

Almost.

For all that she had never met the man prior, despite the apparent witchy shenanigans involved in his resurrection, most people agreed that he was a bit of a psycho. And this demonstration certainly did nothing to help his case. However, he was also Klaus’ brother, and Caroline well remembered the devastation on his face when Kol had died. How Klaus lashed out. How she was honestly stunned in retrospect that he hadn’t massacred the town in vengeance. And more than that it was the right thing to do. If not for Kol than for the thousands of uninvolved vampires that would have dropped dead with him.

Still, all that didn’t make what she needed to say, eventually needed believed any bit easier.

Caroline took a breath, dearly wishing to rub at the tension in her face, but knowing better than to drop her guard.

“Look, it’s a long story and I’d rather not be here when my friends wake up. There’ll be enough yelling as is, so if we could maybe move this little powwow elsewhere that would be great.”

---

So I still have more ideas for this, but my muse is flagging so I’m stopping here before it becomes crappy. May add more later

[shadowofthelamp]

Can I get a basic run down of each of your au’s? It’s really hard to keep track and I wanna understand what people are talking about

*cracks knuckles* Alright, let’s do this. I’ll probably just link this in my sidebar at this point, because these are getting built up pretty rapidfire and if you aren’t on tumblr as much as I am you’re pretty liable to miss something.

Now with tag links, going chronologically so you can catch up if you want to! Some of them have a lot of posts, though, just as a warning.

-Time AU: The original. Twix is accidentally sent back in time- why is still a bit fuzzy but I think it involves the Voot malfunctioning when a time machine is installed. She runs into Dib when rummaging around in the basement lab in his house for parts, and lets it slip that she’s his daughter from the future. Her skin is just not-green enough to slip past his radar, and a DNA text confirms that she is in fact related to him, but her lips are sealed about who her other parent is. 

She needs to break into Zim’s base to get the necessary tools to finish fixing the Voot to go back home, and Dib assumes she wants to expose Zim like she does, so she has to keep on his good side to get what she needs. It’s weird to say the least, seeing her parents fighting and Dib as a kid- especially since Zim looks basically the same.

After she finally fixes the Voot, it starts jumping through alternate dimensions before she finally makes it home, and she meets several alternate versions of herself. 

The tag needs to be cleaned up on this one- it was the first au and has scattered posts of the others still in it but it’s going to take a while to edit down to the individual ones, fair warning.

-Tallest AU: Zim is “co-Tallest” with Tak, and Dib is a rebel fighter trying to take down the empire- sort of a bounty hunter on the side too. Twix is created during a fight when Zim tries to rip Dib’s throat out with his teeth, as you do. Zim is yanked out of public view while pregnant- can’t let the Empire know one of the Tallests has a defect that allows him to reproduce naturally. When he comes back, Twix is declared an experiment of his to create an heir with alien DNA to help her be taller, stronger, and more resilient. She’s kind of a spoiled brat in this one, and has absolutely no idea who Dib is. 

When she’s about 12, Dib as a bounty hunter was enlisted to kidnap her in an attempt to rile up Zim and get rid of his heir in one fell swoops, having no idea that she’s his daughter. Eventually, that’s discovered, and she slowly learns what life is like for everyone who isn’t her, while Dib learns to be a parent and care for her instead of having to just rely on himself all the time. Things are pretty tense at first, though.

Eventually, after Zim gets her back, she’s injured during a fight and Zim and Dib make a reluctant truce while she heals, eventually becoming sort of ‘rivals with benefits’- Zim won’t kill him if he’s captured, and Dib won’t take headshots. Dib also gets a collar so he can walk around the Massive without somebody sniping his head off, although he’s very grumpy about this.

Eventually, Dib manages to convince Zim that he’s nothing more than a mascot for the empire, there to blow shit up to show their power. (Tak is the real leader, Zim doesn’t really have the power he thinks he does, and Tak was brought in as co-Tallest to do most of the real ruling and give an air of competence, with the Control Brains doing the rest.) This takes ages, and involves Zim being so deep in denial he literally shoots Dib in the leg to get him to shut up, but it needles at him until he accepts it. Needless to say, pisses him off. They run off together, something Tak’s actually pretty happy about because she figures he’ll just die without the protection being a Tallest gives him. Twix comes with them, and start causing problems for the Empire wherever they can.

Dib gets a robot arm at one point, we haven’t 100% decided on how, and they end up having a second kid, a boy named Kit. (Kit Kat. Thank the discord for that one.)

-WLOD AU: Based on the alternate future in Dib’s Wonderful Life of Doom. Dib is the villain in this one- Twix was made when Zim attempted to escape captivity and bit Dib in the process. She’s kind of a nervous, timid wreck, and Zim is incredibly protective of her. She doesn’t see the world outside of the lab until main!Twix stumbles across this world and helps break her and Zim out, bringing them to her reality and asking Membrane to help her ‘cousins’. They end up settled somewhere else. (She ends up good friends with Moth!Twix.)

The running joke with this one is if the other Dibs meet this guy they just beat the crap out of him.

When Twix eventually dies of health complications from being experimented on, Zim pretty much snaps. He goes back to his home dimension and burns down everything even remotely related to Earth and Dib and ends up conquering the Empire, his grief giving him laser focus and allowing him to work past his defects. He goes on pretty much on a multi-decade rampage, twice as ruthless as anyone else and blowing up planets with ease. One day, though, while he’s with the ground troops he sees a scared child who was orphaned by his attacks and sort of snaps back to himself. He ends up adopting them, and several others in an attempt to atone for himself. He trains them up, fully expecting one of them to end up killing him when they find out he was the one that orphaned them, but when they find out about Twix they tend to just leave over killing him.

He ends up dying near her grave of illness/old age.

-Human AU: This one’s gotten revamped. The old one is after the line, to explain the old fanart in that tag. (I… never really liked this one as much as the others because it didn’t feel Zim-like to me and Dib was barely a presence- and he was barely himself too.)

Honestly this one is still a bit of a joke, but Zim’s got a more mad-scientist edge to him, primarily with strange toys, furbies in particular. He makes lots of them and their house is overrun- Twix has no idea it isn’t normal. He enjoys making people squirm with his creations and ends up having a bit of a rivalry with Swap Zim.

______

Old version: Zim and Dib were both sort of academic rivals at school, but ended up paired together for a science pair project and became friends. They’re roommates at college and begin dating, and Twix just comes from a regular old broken condom, oops. Zim was kind of a party animal but cuts back for her sake. His water actually breaks during an important exam but he insists on finishing it, despite Dib’s blood pressure going up about 500%. Zim’s a Bio major, I haven’t really settled on Dib yet. Zim ends up working at Membrane Labs, though. 

Zim’s also a big fan of musical theater, and gets roped into subbing in as Billy Flynn on the campus production of Chicago while four months pregnant. Gir is his younger brother and currently in high school.

-Irken AU: This one’s set a bit earlier in the timeline, when Zim was still working at the labs for military research. (See the canceled episode The Trial.) He met Dib there, and at one point they ended up locked in for a whole weekend on accident. At one point they got into a fight, one thing led to another, and Zim ended up pregnant. He only found out when he started getting sick and went to the hospital. The problem? That’s a defect that hasn’t happened in a long time- he’s whisked to the Control Brains, labeled defective in both mind and body, and sent off to Foodcourtia so no one has to deal with him.

When Dib finds out, he steals a ship and goes to rescue him. Zim is completely miserable, exhausted, overworked, and all around pissed this is happening. He lashes out at Dib for doing this to him before completely collapsing since his body hasn’t gotten a chance to rest in too long, and his instincts tell him that Dib is safe because he’s the other parent. Gir is a malfunctioning food service drone that snuck aboard the ship. They have to figure out what’s going on because this kind of thing hasn’t happened in centuries.

Dib was initially only interested in studying Zim because of the rarity of natural-born smeets, but as time goes on they end up getting closer, especially because Zim gets clingy as time goes on. There are two endings to this one- either they keep wandering around space, or they end up on Earth since it’s uncharted and no one will bug them there. Twix comes from an egg and has three siblings (possibly more) in this one!

-Pilot AU: Related to the Time AU- while jumping around, she gets stuck in the pilot universe. She very much doesn’t like it, especially since Dib starts stalking her instead. When he finds out she’s his daughter, he gets even more obsessive about how and why she came back, and she has to escape him to keep going home.

-Adoption AU: This is the angstfest one kicked off by a particular anon- Zim has a miscarriage, but at some point afterwards when Twix is jumping through the multiverse, she runs into them. After realizing what happened, she finds a version of herself that lost both of her parents and brings her to meet the ones that never had her, and they’re all happy.

-Zimvoid AU: Twix lands in the Zimvoid from the few most recent comics. Not a lot of plot to this one, it’s just fun to imagine. The Zims meeting after Twix is born is under PZA Au, and the Dibs meeting is ‘Meet me in the dibpit’ which is the best tag out of all of these lmao

-Species Swap AU: Dib is, similar to in the irken au, there to study local flora and find uses for them. Gaz is the invader, sent here for her catastrophic body count on every other mission she’s had. She finds out Earth has good games and is just ‘eh, whatever’ and basically puts the mission on hold, letting Dib start stalking the one human that truly interests him- Zim. He’s almost irken-like, and clearly incredibly intelligent- and destructive!

I made a whole plot explanation for this one here.

Dib is actually the one to have her in this au. It’s also a running joke and I’m heavily considering making it canon that this Zim is the one that actually succeeds in taking over the world.

-Mothman AU: Dib is an actual mothman, and so is his family. Variation on this one: One has irken Zim, one has human Zim. Other Dibs find this version of Dib hot. Twix is raised in the woods and her only real friends are her parents, Gir, and Tulip. (Keef’s adopted daughter.)

In the irken au, Zim is actually accepted relatively fast by Membrane who thinks he’s just a strange, stunted moth. After having Twix he ends up growing wings and neck fluff because mothmen are actually a very distant cousin of irkens that diverged millions of years ago, and carrying Dib’s kid kickstarted the process. He also dies for like two minutes because giving birth to an egg a third of your size really sucks. (He’s fine, once Dib got him to the recharging chamber he woke back up when his Pak reactivated him, he was just really low on charge after a birth lasting like two days.)

In the human au, he’s not so lucky- Dib has to keep his relationship a secret, and Membrane only finds out when he sees Zim, already pregnant. Dib gets into a big fight with him because humans killed his mom and Membrane is pissed he’d get into a relationship with one. Things do end up working out eventually, once Twix is born Membrane is fascinated by her, but tensions are still pretty high for a while. Earlier in this version, Zim actually found out he was pregnant when he gets accidentally shot by someone who was aiming at Dib and had to go to the hospital and they took a pregnancy test before doing the x-ray. (In all aus where Zim is human, including swap, he’s a trans guy, and this one is set in the 1970′s/80′s. He ran away to live in the woods for a reason.)

-SU AU: Steven Universe AU! This one’s covering most of the plot of Steven Universe up to this point, so it got long. Link here. (For the aesthetic, think more Gravity Falls and late over early SU: Deep woods and dark colors.)

-Capture AU: A sort of flip of the WLOD au. Zim wins and keeps Dib prisoner, although he enjoys riling him up so Dib is much more of a firecracker than WLOD Zim is. Zim gets the itching feeling he’s missing something and uses a blood sample from Dib to get himself pregnant, but he realizes he can’t raise the kid alone without killing her (and plays it off as making Dib help with something he’s made it clear he hates) so he lets Dib out but on a very tight leash. This one is definitely on the darker end.

-Scandal AU: Zim is Tallest, Dib is an irken scientist. They ‘grew up’ together but Zim shot up and forgot about Dib because- well, his memory’s canonically pretty garbage and besides he often misremembers things anyway. Dib is hauled in front of him for causing problems at the labs like letting the specimens free because he hates his coworkers, and they just kept shoving him at successively more important people because he managed to keep slipping away before being fully punished and it ends up getting all the way to the Tallest.

Dib gets pissy at Zim because he’s expecting to get thrown out the airlock or whatever, before realizing just how terrible of an idea that is and that Zim could do something a lot worse. Mostly he’s just mad that Zim left him behind, but Zim, who only has faint inklings of Dib being familiar, decides to keep him around on basically a whim.

Things evolve from there, with Zim doting over his new ‘toy’ who treats him like an equal (which he didn’t realize he wanted, because duh, he’s the Tallest, why would he want to be anything other than shallowly worshipped?) while Dib has to walk the VERY careful tightrope of staying alive by not pissing Zim off while also not rolling over completely and betraying himself. (And that might lose Zim’s interest as well.) Things get even messier when oops, there’s eggs now.

-Treasure Planet AU: What it says on the tin, an au based off the movie Treasure Planet! Plot summary here, AU mostly belongs to @64bit-trash and @yeehawimscared.

-Dibbrane AU: Dib turns out to be a much better clone of his father and doesn’t realize that Zim is an alien. Zim ends up getting attatched to him because he takes him seriously as a fellow scientist and genuinely enjoys his company, and eventually they get married- all without Dib finding out what he really is. Twix ends up more like show-Dib, determined to prove to the world that there’s a world hidden underneath their own, and Zim ends up her ‘alien rival’ in order to train her. She doesn’t realize she’s half-alien… yet. Fuller synopsis here.

-Amnesia AU: Zim was a personal pet project of Tallest Miyuki’s, and treated him as a son, planning to raise him to succeed her, taking down the heightarchy in the process. She ends up assassinated by Red and Purple in an attempt to get enough power to laze around for the rest of their lives, and Zim is blamed for it. A lot of irkens are bitter and jealous for the attention he got, especially for someone so short, so it’s easy enough to do. 

While imprisoned, he tore up his Pak in an attempt to get rid of the grief and trauma of seeing his mother dead and ended up more defective, having mostly forgotten who he was before. The timeline ‘syncs up’ with iz show canon. He crashes OID2 and gets sent to Earth, and over the years enters a relationship with Dib and gets pregnant. When that’s discovered, he gets pulled back and his memory is wiped again, and when the baby is born, she’s taken away to see if they can shape her into a soldier.

Zim is used for more tests and Skoodge tries to help him, and ‘Brid’ is shuffled between career tracts before being sent out with the soldiers while still 11- practically a smeet. She meets Dib, who’s been looking for both Zim and his lost child. She promises to take him to Zim, but is going to try and bring him as a new species of alien to her superiors to get brownie points because she’s treated kind of like shit by the other trainees for being such a freak. (She always wears a helmet to cover her nose and hair.)

Eventually their paths cross as they get arrested and thrown into a cell near Zim’s, but Zim doesn’t realize he’s even got a daughter, much less this one, so there’s a while to figure things out.

All this time, Miyuki uploaded herself before her death into a side control brain that only Skoodge knows, and they stumble across her, and she helps fill in the gaps.

Aaaaaand I’ll go back and add more to this post if we get more, if I forgot one feel free to tell me.

[wegotjiminsjams]

A Christmas Miracle

Oneshot

Yoongi X Reader

Word Count: 4850

Genre: fluff, enemies to lovers, Slow burn (kind of)

A/N: I wanted to post this last christmas but it wasn’t complete so I’m just posting it now. Lol. XD 

The city indeed looked breathtaking, covered in snow and beautiful lights decorating the streets. People walking around were dressed warmly along with their Santa hats. Naturally, as it was the day before Christmas, everyone around seemed to be in a holiday mood with happy smiles and warm gestures but alas, you couldn’t join in with the festive spirit because you had work. Work on Christmas Eve! Talk about bad luck. You sigh and look away from the window, enough with the longing stares, the sooner you finish your work, the sooner you can leave. Your flight back home was at 5 pm, another four hours left. At Least you’ll get to spend Christmas day with your family.

You look around your office and there’s absolutely no one there except for the security. It’s only fair since it is Christmas and everyone is spending time with their families, everyone except you. But to be completely honest this was all on you, you were always a perfectionist. 

This month you had taken on an extremely important project, while everything was done smoothly, the clients were very impressed and you had managed to gain a great profit for the company, however you hadn’t backed up the reports and accidentally dropped the pen drive with the only copy of the reports in coffee. They were lost for good. Your boss Hoseok had told you not to worry about it, that it wasn’t a big deal. They were the extra reports which could be filed in later on. He had urged you to take an early Christmas break and get back to it later. But you wouldn’t be you, if you weren’t a perfectionist. You insisted that it wouldn’t take much time and you would finish it before the vacation. 

Now thinking back on it, you curse yourself and wish you had just taken the Goddamn opportunity when you had it. Sighing once again you get back to your work, trying to finish it as soon as possible, when someone behind you clears their throat. Your heart nearly jumps out, as you turn to see who it is. As far as you knew the office was completely empty except for the security at the front and you hadn’t heard anyone enter either so naturally you were shocked to see the one person you absolutely did not want to.

“Did I scare you sweetheart?” spoke the annoying voice of Min Yoongi. He had his signature smirk on his face that told you, it was his exact intention to scare you. 

Hearing that annoying nickname immediately put a scowl on your face, “What are you doing here Min?” you asked. 

Min Yoongi was a colleague, a rather annoying one you might add and your partner in the very project you were working on right now. He was partially to blame for you to be working like this last minute. You see, Yoongi and you had this ongoing rivalry and always tried to best each other. You both always found ways to undermine the other. So even though your boss was lenient and allowed you to finish the reports after the holidays, you did not want Min Yoongi to be able to use this against you in the future, saying things like “we didn’t make a larger profit because of the late report filing” or “If I was in charge this wouldn’t have happened.” 

Logically speaking these reports really did not matter much, but you wouldn’t put it past Min Yoongi to use even the tiniest thing against you. The man was infuriating. And this was only one thing among the many other things that he did just to annoy you. If it wasn’t his constant showing off at how good and competent he is, then it was his constant jokes and attempts to flirt with you, just to get you all worked up and embarrassed because he loved getting you riled up. You were convinced that his only goal in life was to make you miserable. To add on to your misfortune, everyone else in the office absolutely loved the pest. Especially all the ladies, who ogle at him like hormone raged school girls, as if Min Yoongi needs anymore of an ego boost. 

Fine, maybe the man was good at his job and kind of handsome, you’ll reluctantly agree to that. But with that personality and such a big ego how could anyone stand him was just beyond you. 

“If you remember correctly, we were both in charge of this project sweetheart” he replies to your question, “So I’m just here to do my part, I don’t want anyone taking credit for the whole project later on you see.” 

Again with the stupid nickname. Already getting riled up with his mere presence you huff and respond to him, “First of all asshole, stop calling me sweetheart and second, it was my mistake that the reports weren’t submitted so I will take care of it. No one is discrediting anyone here so you can go back and annoy your family instead of me.” 

He gave you an amused look, “If you think I’m just going to abandon you and let you take the complete load, you’ve mistaken y/n.” he says seriously. “We both worked on this project and came up with the report. Now who’s ever mistake it was, it’s still unfair that only you have to do it all over again.” 

For a moment you are completely dumbfounded. Is Min Yoongi really being a decent human being right now? You are completely baffled by his behaviour and just stare at him astonished. 

When you don’t reply he just shrugs, “Besides, with me here you’ll be done in no time, cause I’m really excellent at anything I do.” he says, voice oozing with smugness. 

Aaha! There he is, the extremely cocky, big headed Min Yoongi that you know. Never leaves an opportunity to show off. 

Scoffing, you instruct him “Fine you can start with the marketing strategy, I haven’t gotten to that part yet.” And turn away from him to focus on your work. 

The two of you work in peaceful silence for a while. Well as peaceful as it can get with Min Yoongi around, constantly tapping his foot and clicking his pen. The only other sounds coming from pages turning and the typing sounds of your computers until Yoongi breaks the silence to ask you a question. 

“Hey, how come you didn’t go to visit your family for Christmas? Don’t you go every year?” 

You’re a little perplexed that he knew you went every year. Does Min Yoongi really pay attention to people besides himself? 

“Well, I am going, my flight is in three and a half hours, I just delayed my trip a little to complete the work” you say nonchalantly. 

“Really Y/n???” he asks shocked, “You really gave up spending time with your family for work? What is wrong with you! Actually wait, no, you wouldn’t be y/n if not a stubborn perfectionist.” he says with a sly smile 

“Oh shut up!” you huff, “Stop acting like you know me.” 

“Oh but I do sweetheart.” There’s that smug smile on his face again.

Seeing no point in arguing with him further, you just give him the classic eye roll. Something that you find yourself doing often only when he is around. 

“Well, we already know that I’m a workaholic loser, but what about you? Why didn’t you go home for Christmas?” you ask him. 

His cheeks get a slight red tinge at your question. “Aah, I actually had a prior commitment, so I too, delayed my trip.” he says this in a way of trying to sound nonchalant. 

“Prior commitment, On Christmas?” you ask confused. “What is it? Or should I ask who is it?” you tease laughingly. 

His eyes widen and his cheeks are coloured with a blush once again. This is the second time Yoongi has gone all shy today and it’s because of this “prior commitment.” Could it really be that Yoongi has girlfriend? If you think about it, in the past three and a half years of working here you actually don’t remember him mentioning a girlfriend or significant other. And he wouldn’t be constantly flirting and annoying you if he was dating right? But maybe things have changed for him recently. However, you don’t know why but the thought that Yoongi could be dating someone puts a sour taste in your mouth. I mean it’s definitely because you feel bad for the poor soul that’s stuck with him, right?

“What? No no, it’s nothing like that y/n trust me!” he says a bit too panicky. 

“Okaaay, calm down Yoongi” you say “I was only teasing. Then if not a girlfriend, what was so important that couldn’t wait till the end of the holidays?” you ask curiously. 

“Only teasing?” he asks smugly, “Sounds to me like you were jealous, sweetheart.” he says not answering your question once again. 

You roll your eyes once again, “Ugh, You wish.”

“By the way, there’s only a few hours left for your flight, come on we have only a  little work left and then you won’t have to rush to the airport.” he says trying to change the topic. 

You don’t know why but Yoongi is being really weird about this whole situation. You want to pry and find out what’s got him like this, but seeing his reaction and unwillingness to answer, you decide to let it go for now.  

Yoongi and you get back to working in silence for a while, you both are almost done with the report and are proofreading the final copy with utter concentration when the sound of your phone ringing breaks your focus. The screen displays your mom calling, she must be just checking on you to see if you’ve left for the airport. You turn to yoongi and give him a look to say ‘excuse me’ and pick up the call. 

“Yes mom, I’m almost done with work and will leave for the airport soon” you say before she can begin worrying. 

“Y/n dear…that’s not why I’m calling.” your mom says tentatively. “Haven’t you seen the news sweetheart?” 

“The news? Huh? Mom what are you talking about?” you ask confused. 

“Y/n there is a huge snow storm all across the cities, all flights have been cancelled” she informs you gravely. 

A snow storm? No, it can’t be. You move over to your office desktop to check the news online. Yoongi watches you curiously and looks over your shoulder to see what you’re looking at. And it’s true, there is a huge snow storm that is affecting a lot of cities and as a result transportation like trains, flights and busses have been cancelled. Immediately a sense of dread takes over you, if you hadn’t been so stubborn to finish the work you could have already been with your family and avoided this whole mess. Now you will have to spend Christmas all alone. 

“Hello? Y/n are you there?” your mom’s voice through the phones pulls you out of your reverie. 

“Uh…ye..yes mom, I’m here.” you say trying not to choke up. Christmas is the only time you actually get to spend with your family, and because of your stupid stubborness you’re going to miss out. 

“Aww, honey I’m so sorry, Your dad and I feel really bad that you won’t be here with us, but please don’t cry alright. We’ll come visit you for New Year’s.” she says trying to cheer you up.

All you manage to say is a small “okay.”

“Y/n, you’re going to be okay right?” your mom asks worried. 

Not wanting to worry her any more you tell her you’ll be fine and that it’s not a big deal and end the call. You take a deep sigh and turn to your left where Yoongi is watching you intently. 

“Talk about bad luck, am I right?” you say trying to lighten the mood. 

He clears his throat and looks away “Uh, yeah. Well anyway I finished the remaining proofreading, so we’re officially done y/n.” He says. 

“What’s the point anyway, I’m still stuck here.” you huff. 

He only shrugs in response. And for a second you wonder if something is wrong with him. Because the Min Yoongi you know wouldn’t waste a single opportunity to mock you. He would totally call you out for being stubborn and putting yourself in this situation but instead there he is sitting silently and looking almost sad? 

And that’s when it hits you. He’s in the same situation as you. He can’t visit his family on Christmas either. You don’t know why but knowing he’s in the same boat makes you feel slightly better. Misery loves company I guess. No matter how annoying the company can be sometimes.

“So what are you going to do now? You know since you can’t leavetown?” he asks awkwardly. 

You let out a deep sigh, “Probably just going to heat up leftover pizza and watch reruns of The office.” you answer glumly. “What about you? Got any special plans?” 

He just shrugs, “Nope. Pretty much the same as you.” he announces.

You just nod solemnly. 

“Well..” he says packing up his things, “We should probably head out now.”

“Uh huh” you say and you move to gather up your belongings. 

Once the two of you are ready to leave, Yoongi turns towards you with a little nervous smile on his face, “Hey since we both can’t spend spend Christmas with our family, do you want to maybe spend it together instead?” 

You just stare at him, a little confused if you heard him right. Do you really want to spend Christmas with Min Yoongi? The guy who annoys you to the ends of the earth. Well now that you think about it, he hasn’t been all that annoying today. Maybe it won’t be so bad. After all it’s Christmas, do you really want to stay at home alone and wallow in self pity?

When you don’t answer him immediately he continues, “I know I’m probably the last person you want to spend Christmas with, but I was just thinking since we’re both probably going to be alone it will be nice to you know…” he trails off. 

“Yeah I’d like that” you say in a soft voice. 

“What? Really?” he can’t keep the surprise out of his voice, he is genuinely shocked that you agreed. Then he smiles softly and says “Alright then, shall we head to my place? It’s closer, only a few blocks away.” 

You just nod, not knowing what else to say. Suddenly you feel very awkward. What if it’s not a good idea to go with him? Yoongi and you have never really hung out together outside of work, so to suddenly spend Christmas together does seem a bit weird. Nevertheless you already agreed to it, so you just silently follow him out, hoping this doesn’t turn out to be a disaster. 

The walk to his apartment is a short and silent one. Once you both you enter his house, you notice that his place looks quite comfortable, cozy and surprisingly clean, unlike his desk at the office, which is always messy. There are a few pictures of friends and family on his wall and a sad looking christmas tree in one corner of the living room. Apart from this, there aren’t any decorations in his house. 

Trying to be a good host he takes off your coat for you and hangs it on his rack. “I’ll get you a change of clothes so that you can be more warm and comfortable” he says rushing into his bedroom. 

 After Yoongi and you have both freshened up and dressed comfortably, you both are seated on the couch, each with a cup of hot chocolate in hand. That awkward feeling is back again and you know he feels it too. The both of you have never really been in such a situation together, the only time the two of you interact involves a lot of bickering, so to say this is awkward is putting it lightly. 

Trying to relieve some of the tension you ask, “So…what are we going to do about dinner? Shall we order take out?”

“What? Take out on Christmas? No way.” he says appalled. “I have some chicken in the freezer, and maybe some spaghetti, we can make something.” he concludes. 

“Okayyy, but I’m not really good at cooking” you say a bit timidly.

His signature smirk that was missing for so long is back again, “The ever perfect y/n is bad at something? Somebody call the news channel” he teases. 

“Yeah yeah, I suck at cooking, everyone’s bad at something okay.”

“Well y/n, I’m sorry to disappoint, but not me. Along with my brilliant brain, charming good looks and incredible personality, I also happen to be a really good cook.” he says smiling. 

“You forgot to mention your immeasurable humility.” you say sarcastically. 

“Yes yes, that too.” he gives you a cheeky grin. 

You can’t help but chuckle. Finally you think, the awkward tension is dissipating and you both can get back to your normal bickering selves. 

After finishing with your hot chocolates, Yoongi gets up from the couch and goes toward the kitchen, “Well y/n, since you’re basically useless at cooking…” he says as he takes out an old bottle of wine from the cabinet “Why don’t you set the table instead?” he says pointing to a small table with two chairs in the corner of the kitchen. 

“Yeah, for once you take can take on the heavy load.” you say smugly and get on with the job assigned to you, while Yoongi begins to prepare the food. 

“Are you saying that I never take on the heavy load?” he asks feigning hurt. 

“Yes that’s precisely what I’m saying, Yoongi.” 

“How dare you! After I just helped you today?” he looks appalled but you can tell he doesn’t mean this seriously. 

“Oh please! You big baby, you have it so easy for you, being best friends with Hoseok and all. He lets you get  away with anything.” you complain. 

“Hey that’s not true,” he retorts, “He’s just as hard on me as he is on everyone else.”

“Oh really?” you raise an eyebrow “Then why does he always let you pick partners for any project before anyone else?” 

He goes silent at that. That’s right, he thought you didn’t know about it, but you did. 

You continue enjoying his dumbfounded expression, “And you always pick me as your partner, just to get on my nerves, I know it.” you declare. 

“Oh really now?” he says raising an eyebrow “You don’t know me or my motives, y/n” he says matter of factly. 

“Oh but I do sweetheart” you retort back with a smirk of your own. 

Yet again he’s dumbfounded and looks at you with an unreadable expression on his face, it’s almost like adoration? No, it can’t be, right? But it’s gone just as quickly, as if it never happened. 

He just shakes his head and chuckles, “Trust me y/n, Hoseok doesn’t let me choose partners, that happened only once. He just thinks the two of us work really well together and I agree with him. Don’t you?” 

“Hmm…yeah. Maybe you aren’t so incompetent at your job” you say, not wanting to admit aloud that he’s actually one of the best at Jung Corporations. 

Since you’ve finished setting the table, which there wasn’t much to do anyway, you opt to sit on the chair and watch Yoongi as he busily prepares your dinner. He looks so comfortable, like he’s done this a million times before and he probably has. He’s even humming a soft little tune to himself and you can’t help but think that he looks so peaceful. Seeing how he’s so immersed in the process, you start to notice his features, and you get why almost every girl in the office fawns over him. He is handsome, incredibly so, but of course you will never admit to this out loud. 

Just then he looks up at you and smiles, and you try to act like you weren’t just staring at him this whole time. “Dinner is almost ready,” he says, “Can you serve the wine?” 

You nod and get up to serve the wine while he places the dishes at the table, Stir fry chicken with spaghetti. You’re surprised by how good it looks, even though he just spun this up with whatever was available at home. And without further delays the two of you dig in. 

As soon as you take the first bite, you realise he was not kidding when he said he’s a great cook. “Mmmm…Yoongi, this is actually incredible” you say with a mouth full of food. 

He too, smiles back at you with a mouthful of food, “I told you didn’t I? I’m a great cook.”  

“Yeah fine, I’ll give this one to you” you say reluctantly.

The both of you settle into a comfortable silence for the rest of dinner. You can’t help but notice how domestic this all seems. Yoongi and you spending Christmas together, him cooking dinner, the two of you bickering and laughing, almost like a couple. Wait…what? A couple?  Why are you having such thoughts? No less about Min Yoongi of all the people. Something is wrong with you, maybe the wine is hitting you more than you think. Or maybe you’re just overwhelmed with the strange turn of events today and you’re just missing your family that’s all. Yeah that’s definitely got to be it. There is no other logical explanation. 

Seeing your troubled expression, Yoongi asks “Y/n, is everything okay?” 

“Yes of course, why wouldn’t it be?” you say trying not to raise suspicion. 

He moves his hand on the table to keep over yours, “I know this is probably the last thing you wanted to do, but I’m glad you came today y/n.” he says with a lot of sincerity. 

You look down at his hand over yours and look back up at his face. He has that similar unreadable expression, what is it? attraction? Adoration? Kindness? You can’t tell, but it once again has you thinking all kinds of thoughts. Not trusting yourself to speak coherent words, you don’t say anything back and just smile at him instead. 

After dinner and clearing up the kitchen, the two of you find yourselves on the couch once again, browsing through netflix deciding what to watch. You turn to look at Yoongi, his focus is on the TV, he looks a little nervous to you. You think that maybe it’s because he’s missing his family. Seeing the pictures on the wall and remembering the few times he’s mentioned his family at work in passing, does seem like he’s close to them. This makes you wonder what was that ‘prior commitment’ that was so important to delay his flight. He was being so evasive about it before, which makes you all the more curious, so you  decide to ask him again. 

“Hey Yoongi” you start

“Hmm?” he says without taking his eyes off the Television. 

“What was the reason you delayed your ticket?” you ask.

He stills at that, and turns to look at you. “This again? I told you it was nothing.” 

“It can’t be nothing if you had to sacrifice seeing your family for it.” you retort. 

“Well, I wasn’t sacrificing” he declares, “I just delayed my trip, I didn’t know this snow storm would come right?” 

“Still Yoongi!” you insist, “What was so important that it had to be done on Christmas?” 

“Y/n, why can’t you just let it go?” he asks tiredly “It was just a stupid thing.” 

“If it’s so stupid, why can’t you just tell me?” you demand. 

“Ugh y/n” he whines. 

“What? You constantly annoy and tease me, And the one time I ask you something you’re being shady about you can’t answer me?” you complain. 

He doesn’t respond to that. He doesn’t even look at you. He goes back to focusing on the Television, browsing through options. 

Frustrated you continue, “Is it something illegal?” you ask in a whisper “Drugs? Theft? Murder?!” 

“Y/n! Have you lost your mind?” he asks incredulously. “It’s nothing, just let it go.” he says with a tone of finality. 

But you are not you if not stubborn right? 

“It must a girlfriend then.” you say speculatively. “Why would you want to hide that Yoongi?”

“Y/n…it’s not that I already told you.” he says and you can see he’s losing his patience. 

“Then what is it?” you insist. “Why won’t you tell me? What can possibly be so goddamn important–”  

“Because of you!!” he interrupts you loudly “I heard that you were working overtime and cancelled my flight for you!” 

Immediately, you can see the shock and regret on his face. This is something he clearly did not want to say to you. 

You go completely silent at that. Gaping at him. You don’t know what to say. Why would he cancel his flight just for you? It makes no sense. 

“What? For me?” you ask confused. “Yoongi that makes no–” suddenly something clicks in your brain. 

“Yoongi, do you…do you like me?” you ask in a soft voice. 

He’s just staring at you. Silent for a moment before he answers, “I thought it was pretty obvious”

Your heart is pounding so fast at the moment, you’re afraid it’s going to burst. Did Min Yoongi just confess to you? Your mind is filled with so many questions. Why would he always annoy you and make you miserable then? Your mind is not able to wrap around this entire thing. 

Seeing you in shock like this, he begins, “Look y/n, I didn’t want you to find out this way I’m sorry, and I know you will probably never feel the same so can we just–”

You speak before he can even complete his sentence, “If you really like me then why do you always annoy me? And get me all riled up?” 

He looks a little embarrassed at that question, “Well…you see when you first joined work, you were so quiet and hardly spoke to people and I didn’t know any other way to get your attention. And well after that it was just so hard to go back so I kind of stuck with it.” he says looking at anything but you. 

You mind is still processing what he just said. Min Yoongi likes you. Has probably liked you for a long time. And all the times he annoys you was to get your attention? 

Seeing no response from you, he continues, “Y/n, I know you probably hate me even more now, I’m sorry I didn’t want it to happen like this. You’re probably regretting coming home with me tonight.” he says a bit too dejectedly. 

You look at him once again and think back to tonight, he was so much fun to talk to and spend time with. And when you really think about it, even though he annoys you to pieces, he’s never crossed a line, always so thorough with his work and you’ve seen him with other people, he’s always so kind and empathetic towards everyone. And right now he looks so dejected, that it makes your heart hurt, so you do something that you would probably never do while sober. Yes, let’s blame it on the insignificant amount of wine you consumed. 

You grab Yoongi’s face, and crush your lips to his. 

His whole body stiffens at the contact. You don’t let that deter you and continue to kiss him. His lips feel so soft and smooth and after a moment of hesitation, he starts to kiss you back. 

He unconsciously pulls you over his lap, without breaking the kiss,  so you’re now straddling him. You put your arms around his neck and tug at his hair, while his are around your waist pulling you even more closer to deepen the kiss and you’re practically gasping for air when he realises something and pulls away. 

His face is flushed, hair is messy yet you can’t help but think that he looks so incredibly hot. 

“Wait..so” he says in a deep voice “Does this mean…?” he looks at you hesitantly. 

You just put your head back and give a small chuckle. “Yes it does” you say “What happened to that brilliant brain of yours now?” you ask with a raised eyebrow. 

He just laughs, “I’ve never been so thankful for a snow storm before” he says with a huge grin on his face. 

You laugh once again and lean forward to kiss him on his nose, “Merry Christmas Yoongi.” 

He gives you a smile that could melt away all the snow. “Merry Christmas y/n.” 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 A/N: Hi it’s dragonfly here. I hope you liked it! I would love to hear your thoughts and comments. :)

[koreanboyswriting]

In Translation Pt.3

(At long last, I’ve finally put it together! Lol, tell me if you guys like it! Seriously, I’m starving for feedback. Hell tell me if you think I’m trash, I just want feedback. Lol, thanks for the support you beautiful people.)

Things between you and Jungkook turn in a direction you didn't see coming.

6.9k words

You got up the next morning, riled up with energy, and maybe a little bit later than you should’ve. You went with black jeans today, thinking that maybe pants would make you feel more in control, when you looked in the mirror, you felt it. It was colder today so you had to go for thicker options; your jeans were paired with a black turtleneck and boots, and you grabbed your coat and gloves on the way out the door. You ran outside, looking at your watch and realized that you only had five minutes to get to the agency when it usually took you ten. You sped there arriving fifteen minutes late and fearing for your life. As you careened into your parking spot you saw Dae get out of the car and look around for you. You grabbed your purse and ran out calling his name. 

“Dae! I’m here! I’m sorry!”

“Oh, good I was starting to get worried.”

You flopped into the backseat your things splayed out across the back, panting a little. You took a deep breath, and then looked up at Dae and smiled, he was looking at you with concern and laughter in his eyes. He chuckled when your eyes met and you snorted, trying to hold it in.

“So, Dae are you going to pick me up every day?”

“That’s the plan Miss. y/n.”

“You know I could drive myself since I drive here anyway.” You shrugged your shoulders at this. And Dae looked up and met your eyes.

“It’s ok Miss, the label likes it this way and so do I. And this way, when we get there late I’ll say it was because of me.”

“Oh no Dae please don’t do that, it was completely my fault.”

“You were late how do you know I wasn’t late?” He looked at you through the rearview mirror, and made a funny face, and you couldn’t help but chuckle at him. 

“Ok, ok, but I owe you one! Breakfast on me next time!”

“There’s no need Miss y/n.” He gave you a warm smile the lines on his face becoming more prominent as the warmth touched his eyes, and you smiled back. Whoever Dae’s children were, they were the luckiest kids alive.

Dae pulled into the parking garage at BigHit in less than five minutes and you marveled at what this man did to make the traffic go away, but now you were twenty minutes late, so you hurriedly grabbed your stuff and basically fell out the door, when Dae opened it for you. You both speed walked inside and the girl at the front desk told you that Manager Sejin was waiting in dance studio #4 which was on the lower level instead of the fifth floor that you were on yesterday. Since the building was on an incline, the floor that you and Dae had walked into from the parking garage was technically the second which meant when you walked downstairs expecting a dark basement you were surprised when it didn’t look too far different from the floor above, all white walls and windows set high in them. The staircase led down into a large lounge area with a small kitchenette on the side of the room, where healthy snacks and bad ones were stacked in copious amounts, and your stomach grumbled in response. Dae led you down the exiting hallway where only two doors were set into the wall each opposite from each other, the hall ended in a “T” the ends branching off. The doors were labeled, one in Korean as the supply closet, and the other a clear glass door into a ginormous dance room where you could see the boys deep in practice. As soon as the door opened the booming music took you off guard from the complete silence outside. Dae led you in, motioning you to stay back a little as he walked up to Manager Sejin who was clutching a clipboard, his phone in his hand as he dictated notes to his assistant. As soon as Dae walked up, Sejin’s face turned from serious business man to warm and welcoming. Sejin put his hand on Dae’s shoulder and smiling ducked his head down as Dae leaned in talking quietly to Sejin who nodded his head repeatedly while Dae spoke. After Dae finished talking they looked back up at each other and Sejin flicked his hand up as if he was saying, “no problem.” Dae nodded at you and you walked up to Manager Sejin trying to apologize for your lateness over the music. 

Sejin leaned in closer as he talked to you, “Oh don’t worry, Dae just explained the whole situation to me, it’s not your fault. The interview actually got pushed to two o’clock so we have much more time than we thought go ahead and get yourself something to eat if you’re hungry and you can watch the boys practice. I can give you some cards with some questions to expect and you can go over answers with them individually.” He took a stack on index cards off his clipboard and handed them to you.

You nodded your head and slipped them into your bag, grateful that he was being so nice, when his assistant came up and interrupted you, as you had just opened your mouth.

“Mr. Sejin, the phone call that got cancelled this morning has just come in now, he’s on line two in your office, I figured you’d want to take the call in a more private and quieter area.”

Manager Sejin excused himself and rushed from the room as he talked with his assistant. You looked up and finally acknowledged the boys, who were taking cues from Hoseok as an employee paused the music. Hoseok began demonstrating, making sound effects with each effortless popping movement of his body. 

“Jin, hyung, it’s like this. Bah, bah, bah, bah, bah, bah, bah, bah.” 

Jin watched in concentration his eyebrows furrowing as he made the same noises along with Hoseok. Hoseok nodded to Jin as he finished cueing him to try it himself, the man sitting by the audio system rewound the song and played it again as Jin did the combination again, this time damn near as good as Hoseok. They all got excited clapping Jin on the back yelling, “good job hyung,” as Jin laughed pushing them off. Jungkook looked up and noticed you, smiling with mischief in his eyes, you looked away from him towards the rest of the members and nodded at them, mouthing you’d be back in five, as you exited the room with Dae. Once outside the room Dae said goodbye and you were left by yourself, steeling your nerves as you walked towards the food table, jumping at the chance to eat, thinking maybe the food in your belly would chase out the butterflies. You grabbed a bottle of orange juice and muffin and began greedily pulling back the wrapper, biting into it and groaning with happiness. 

“Enjoying yourself?” You turned around meeting the eyes of none other than Jeon Jungkook. You resisted the urge to roll your eyes as he looked you, smirking and dabbing the sweat on his forehead with a white towel. He was once again wearing all black except this time he was wearing a baseball cap. You wanted to say he looked hideous but his tight-fitting joggers were doing wonders for the thick thigh muscles in his legs, and his shirt was sticking to his sweaty chest in all the right places. You swallowed and looked at him with as much disinterest in your body that you could muster.

“Yes, I am, thank you very much.” You walked away and sat down at the table pulling out your laptop from your bag, opening it and pulling up your email to see if you had anymore job requests. Jungkook just smirked and grabbed a water bottle and followed you to your table. He sat down across from you, and took a sip from his water bottle.

“You were much nicer yesterday.”

“Hm. I’ll need to work on that then, don’t want to give you the wrong impression of what to expect.” You didn’t move your eyes from laptop, your fingers typing a response to Mr. Lee

He laughed, tipping his head back then he leaned forward pushing your laptop closed on top of your fingers.

“Hey, I was typing an important email.” You huffed.

“Well now your done typing the important email,” He smirked pushing down on the laptop harder so you’d have to move your fingers out.

“Is there something you need?” You looked at him trying your hardest to keep the sass from your voice.

“Yeah, your affection.” His mouth twitched up at the corner.

“Oh, do you now? You think you’re so slick, don’t you?”

“Oh, I know I am,” he leaned back in his chair aiming to prop his feet up on the other one at the table, when you pushed the chair out from under his feet, his shoes hitting the ground, as his momentum made him lose his balance, almost falling out of his seat. You smirked at him as you stood from your chair shoving your laptop back into your bag. You gathered your trash and threw it away, leaving to find the bathroom not once looking back at Jungkook who looked at you astonished. You went back down the hallway thinking one of the branches had to lead to a bathroom. You passed the practice room where you saw all the boys sitting on the floor resting, with towels on their faces and water bottles in their hands. You decided to turn right at the end of the hallway passing more doors that looked like supply closets and two frosted glass doors which had names printed on them, the lights out in both. There was women’s sign attached to the wall and you walked eagerly towards it, about to savor your couple moments of solitude. You stood in front of the mirror staring yourself in the eyes, looking for an explanation. You slapped yourself in the face and started talking to yourself, “Pull your shit together, y/n!! This is a job. Jungkook is a paying customer. He is not your boyfriend. He is not your friend. Stop mixing the lines together. You mean nothing to him. He means nothing to you. And this is just a job. And you are goddam professional!”

You sighed, your head falling, looking down to the sink, your shoulders sagging. You breathed heavily trying to restore calm to your body. You looked back into the mirror and ran your hands under the cold water and pushed your wet palms into your eyes, sighing you dried off your eyes and reapplied your mascara and left the bathroom realizing you had no control at all.

You walked down the hallway and back into the practice room where the guys were still scattered across the room. You sat down on the floor next to Namjoon and pulled the index cards out of your bag.

“Okay, who do you think needs the most help?” You spoke in English, waving the cards you had in your hand. 

Namjoon laughed, “Tae for sure.” You got up leaving your bag next to Namjoon and moved over to Taehyung who was laying spread eagle on the ground the towel over his face.

“Sleeping beauty, time for and English lesson.” You said in a sing-song voice, the other members laughed as Taehyung sat up, the towel falling off his face.

“Ok teacher, I’m ready to go,” He winked at you and you smiled looking back down to your cards. 

The boys had moved closer once they realized you were teaching Tae English phrases, and you were all laughing loudly at Tae’s terrible English as Jungkook walked back into the room.

“Jungkookie, come over here!” Jimin shouted out to Jungkook who looked at you, smirking, and you breathed in heavily remembering your words from the bathroom before.

You all settled into a circle and you went around playing a game you usually did with little kids to test their vocabulary. Each person had to say a word in English then point to a person in the circle and they would have to say one back then point at another, it was kind of like hot potato, and whoever messed up the chain had to do a workbook page, but with BTS they all wanted to have punishments for each other. After a couple minutes, you were all laughing too hard to play the game properly. Manager Sejin walked in and clapped to get everyone’s attention and told the boys they needed to start getting ready for the interview. They all got up, Tae extending out his hand to help you up. They thanked you and left the room to head towards the changing rooms. Manager Sejin came up to you and told you could take a break if you wanted as getting the boys ready took a while, you nodded and thanked him and he left the room behind the boys. You looked down at your watch, which told you it was ten o’clock, you yawned and decided to find a quiet place to take a nap. This was your best option as your car was back at the agency and you didn’t want to track Dae down for a ride. 

You walked out the dance studio, and began searching around for a place to lay down. You got in the elevator that was across from the kitchen area and figured out that the building actually had ten floors. You pressed the tenth and came up to a hallway that had glass windows all around. It gave you a beautiful view of the city, you walked down the hallway there were only a few doors set into the wall, one was Manager Sejin’s, the other was a supply closet, and the last looked like a small office for his assistant. The hall ended and you walked into a large open lounge area that had several comfy, modern looking couches that surrounded a sleek coffee table. You plopped down onto the largest couch and relaxed, before you knew it you were dozing off, the light from the windows pleasantly warming your face.

"Sleeping beauty, it's time for the interview," You woke up to the sound of a low voice and opened your eyes to see Taehyung standing entirely too close to your face. You jerked upright, not remembering when you fell asleep. Tae was laughing at you as you checked your watch and tried to finger-comb your hair back into place. 

"Am I late, have you guys started yet?"

Tae laughed at you, "Calm down they just got here they're setting up right now."

You loosed a breath you didn't know you were holding and sagged back on the couch you were laying on. 

"Sleeping beauty missing out on her sleep?"

You scoffed at his continuation of the phrase, "Yeah I guess you could say that." You got up hoping he would follow, and he did, much to your surprise.

“So, who exactly is setting up?"

"Uhm... I think it's a news source called entertainment tonight. Have you heard of it?"

"Uhm yeah, I've heard of it! Wow, that's a big deal. Why the interview?"

"Searching for answers, are we?" You looked down trying not to look guilty.

Tae just laughed at you, "You'll have to wait just like ARMY, though I'm sure by now you are one."

"Ha ha," you laughed sarcastically, "Don't flatter yourself."

Tae just smirked and said, "Oh we get to everyone eventually."

You walked into the elevator going down to the sixth floor into yet, another conference room, except this one didn't have a large meeting table like the others, it was bare, except for a couch and three bar stools behind it, which were in front of a back drop that had ET logo printed across it. The camera crew were busy setting up all the sound equipment, and there was a girl reporter with extremely long and dark black hair perched on a stool behind the camera. She was intensely studying a sheet of paper, when she looked up and saw Taehyung and you standing there. She gasped and hurried over, tottering on her stilettos, Taehyung’s eyes grew big and he looked at her like a piece of meat. Your rolled your eyes, but at least happy his attention had shifted from you. She looked like a typical Cali girl, she was wearing a Kim K inspired outfit and her makeup was flawless, her face contoured and highlighted to perfection. Tae extended out his hand to her and she smiled, giggling, placing her hand in his, she introduced herself as Hannah. And you fought the impulse to not roll your eyes again. You basically grimaced in her direction as you fought your inner thoughts. She was really sweet though and ran through the questions she was going to ask with you, and you translated them to Korean for Tae and he nodded still flirting with his eyes to Hannah, who was blushing hard. And you understood why, Tae was out of his practice clothes and he was wearing a beautiful Gucci outfit, plaid tailored pants, a white button down, with a black tie that had a little snake printed on it, and black loafers with the Gucci emblem on them, the look was finished off with a silver dangly earring hanging in his left earlobe. As you were translating a conversation for Hannah and Tae, the rest of the boys walked into the room with Manager Sejin. They all took their spots on the couch and stools, Tae reluctantly joining them. You could see from the corner of your eye that Jungkook was staring at you, but you kept your eyes averted never looking at him directly. 

The interview went great, Hannah was fantastic and made the boys feel very comfortable, they laughed easily and you only had to translate a little behind the scenes, as the boys were doing really well on their own, with help from Namjoon who was glowing, proud of all his members who were trying their very best to speak English. When the interview wrapped an hour and a half later, everyone began clapping and Hannah stood from her chair smiling and satisfied. Namjoon once again walked over to you and thanked you for helping.

“Seriously, I didn’t even do that much you guys were great on your own. I don’t even think you guys need me anymore.”

Namjoon chuckled and Jungkook came up swinging his arm around Namjoon’s shoulder, “I wouldn’t say that, we definitely need you.” He smiled at you, and you fought the urge to blush.

Jin walked up joining your little group, “Hey y/n you should definitely join us for the company party tonight!” Namjoon and Jungkook nodded enthusiastically, and Tae yelled across the room, confirming, he too agreed. 

“I don’t know…” You said shrugging off at the end, when Manager Sejin walked up and clasped your shoulder, “I insist y/n, we should also meet tomorrow morning, all good news I promise.”

You sighed, “Well ok, I guess.” You smiled sheepishly after. Sejin smiled at you, when his phone rang and he swept from the room again. Tae came up to you and asked you if you could invite Hannah to the party as well, because he didn’t want to mess up his words, you laughed and agreed and you both walked over to her. After you spoke, she nodded enthusiastically and Tae looked a little too mischievous. 

Dae walked into the room and came up to you carrying your purse, that he must have picked up from the bench on the side of the room. 

“Are you ready to go Miss y/n?” 

“Oh yeah sure Dae, one minute I need to go to the bathroom.” Dae smiled and dipped his head and told you he would wait outside. 

You walked outside looking for the bathroom on this floor, when Jungkook swept up behind you and slipped his hand into yours. You looked up to him astonished and instinct had you trying to jerk your hand away, but Jungkook only held on tighter. Your cheeks were turning red and you couldn’t even attempt to control it this time.

“Hey, save me a dance tonight, will you?” He smiled and brought your hand up to his face brushing his lips across your knuckles. 

You steeled your nerves and whispered, “Maybe, if you’re lucky.” And pulled your hand out of his grasp, walking straight for the exit rather than finding the bathroom anymore.

***

Dae pulled up outside your agency and you thanked him once again for the morning and slipped from the car, but instead of going inside to continue your work day you got into your car deciding you would finish early this Friday. You turned the key in the ignition and left the parking lot getting home in thirty minutes because of the late afternoon traffic. You wearily walked inside after parking in your apartment building’s garage and collapsed on the floor being way more dramatic than necessary. You threw your clothes on the bed and decided tonight was going to be a bath night. You gathered some candles and your iPad, as the tub filled up with hot water and bubbles. You lit the candles all around the bathtub and slipped into the tub setting up your iPad on the side next to your candles. You sighed in relaxation and laid back against the edge making sure you let your hair hang on the outside of the tub. You played blissful music on your iPad and tried to think about what you were going to wear tonight, and how you were going to avoid the dance with Jungkook.

You were becoming less and less hostile with him, but you still didn’t trust him because you knew he probably treated all his girls the same way, but you couldn’t help but be intrigued by him. It didn’t matter though, you were an employee and it didn’t matter if he liked you or you liked him, you simply couldn’t go there. You breathed in and whispered over and over again that this was just a job. After twenty times, you almost believed yourself.

You got out of the tub once you felt like a prune and decided now was as good a time as ever to get ready. The party started at ten o’clock and it was already eight, and you still had no idea what clothes qualified for a company party. You began furiously searching through your closet, you had a lot of dresses since you had a habit of buying clothes anytime you got a paycheck, but they all suddenly felt underwhelming. You obviously didn’t need a ball gown, but you wanted to look nice, this was a company party after all. There would be so many important people there and if you needed to look presentable, if you networked a lot tonight, your clientele could shift to a lot higher of a paygrade. You weren’t greedy but you had always dreamed about going back to school and getting your masters. You began rifling through your closet again and found the black tight-fitting dress you bought online last week, it seemed a little too simple at first and you considered putting it back and trying to find something else, but if you dressed it up right, it could be much better. 

You put on a thong to avoid panty lines and slipped on the dress, you looked in the mirror and felt immediately beautiful. It was a dress that made you feel good about yourself you got excited and pattered around your room putting your outfit together. You pulled your hair up into a sleek ponytail, your hair brushing the back of your shoulder blades. You slipped on your simple two strap black heels, and found your fake diamond drop earrings. You took off your makeup from the day and applied something a little more dramatic, doing the best you could as your skills weren’t the best. You paused in front of the mirror when you were done and admired your work, you nodded approvingly and grabbed your favorite pink coat to slip over your bare arms. The clock now read 10:30, and you jumped a little grabbing your clutch and doing your “I’m-in-heels-and-trying-my-best-to-run-attempt”. 

Once you were outside, to your surprise Dae was there in tux rather than a suit leaning against the car holding his hat and spinning it around in his hands. 

“Dae?” You said in surprise, putting your now useless keys into your clutch. “What are you doing here?”

“Manager Sejin sent me. He thought one of the most important members of the team should have a proper escort.” Dae opened the door and offered his hand to you, you smiled and took it settling into the back seat, pondering what he meant by member of the team. But you decided not to ask. 

“I do have to say you look very beautiful, y/n.” You smiled and looked up into the rearview mirror and met Dae’s eyes and smiled. 

You arrived at an elegant club twenty minutes later, you stepped out of the car with assistance from Dae, and looked at the fancy entrance. Dae dipped his head and told you to enjoy yourself as he got back into the car and left. Paparazzi took pictures of you enthusiastically at first, then slowed down as they realized you were no one special. You blinked rapidly trying to gain back your sight as you walked down the red carpet to the entrance. It all felt so Hollywood, the carpet was lined with velvet rope, and the entrance was framed with neon blue lights and an obscenely large man stood at the entrance holding a clipboard in his hand. You walked up to him clearing your throat meekly and said your name when prompted. He checked off your name on his clipboard and dipped his head as he unclipped the velvet rope allowing you in.

The club was huge, and the party was already in full swing as you were fifty minutes late. A bar took up the left wall, the wall to the ceiling was filled with alcohol on glowing shelves, the barstools filled with people, talking animatedly. The middle of the room was filled with a large glass dance floor and a dj booth elevated next to it, lasers going off behind the dancing dj. On the side of the dance floor a little farther back was the obvious V.I.P section, it was elevated with stairs going up to it, another large man standing next to it, guarding the velvet rope entrance. The members were all sitting around drinking and laughing with manager Sejin and another man you hadn’t seen before. Sejin looked up and saw you and waved you over. You breathed heavily and began walking towards the second large man, he held out his hand to stop you but Sejin walked over and insisted that you were V.I.P, your cheeks heated and the man apologized and let you through. Sejin politely guided you by your elbow towards their table, he pulled out a chair for you and all the men stood at your approach, Jungkook ogled you and you looked anywhere else trying to be calm, but they were all doing the same thing. You blushed even harder, sure your entire face was a tomato, you turned towards the one man you didn’t know. He extended out his hand to you and introduced himself as Bang Si Hyuk, you tried not to gasp. You couldn’t believe your idiot self didn’t recognize him, you felt like you should bow or something, but settled instead for shaking his hand and smiling. You sat down and they all followed suit.

“So you’re the translator I’ve heard all the good things about,” You blushed even more and tried to cool yourself, you didn’t even know it was possible to get this red. 

“Well thank you, I didn’t know I was getting praised.”

“Well of course you are!” Sejin said, “The boys think your fantastic, and so do I.”

“Wow, that’s high praise, I will work very hard to be worthy of it.”

“I like her already,” Bang Si Hyuk said. You laughed and bowed your head. The boys laughing along too.

Manger Sejin and Bang Pd stood, the second announcing, “Excuse us, it is time for me to make the announcement.” The boys all stood and bowed to him then sat down smiling more than you had seen them before. You tried not to look confused, but sat there expectantly as Sejin and Bang Pd made their way to the middle of the cleared dance floor, with microphones in their hands. The dj lowered the music to background noise, and Bang Pd cleared his throat.

“Since the release of Love Yourself: Her we have seen major success as a company and as a unit,” He paused as applause filled the room, every eye at the bar, the V.I.P section, and the people from the tables on the other side of the dance floor focused on him. “After winning the Billboard award, BTS’ success across the ocean has only increased.” More applause filled the room, “And America is now very interested in our boys. And these kids who have grown so much under my eyes, have now turned into men poised to break k-pop out of Korea to everywhere across the world. And I am proud to announce that the American Music Awards Association has invited them to perform at the 45th annual music awards!”

The applause turned riotous and you sat shocked as the boys all got up around you hugging and clapping each other on the back, happiness etched into every line of their faces. It was infectious and you couldn’t help but feel as happy as them as Jungkook came over to you, hugging you tightly. You smiled and tried not to think about how easily his body fit into yours, before he broke away and you hugged the rest of the members. 

“This night was called together not only to celebrate BTS but to celebrate BigHIt and how far we have come and how much we’ve succeeded!” Everybody was still cheering as Bang Pd was speaking forcing him to shout into the microphone. Sejin spoke at last, “Celebrate everyone tonight, for all your hard work, and enjoy yourself!” The cheering rose up again but died down as the music raised in volume people now on the dance floor, happy and excited with drinks in their hands. Manager Sejin and Bang Pd both walked towards the bar and began talking with other senior members leaving you really alone with the boys. 

“I’m so happy everyone knows now, I couldn’t hold it in any longer!” Jimin yelled out over the music, the boys all laughed Tae slinging his arm over Jimin’s shoulder. 

“Oh I think that’s Hannah over there! Excuse me guys,” Tae stood up abruptly, the boys laughing even harder, Hoseok even slapping him on the butt. 

“Hey you need help?” You asked in English to Tae, the boys were practically on the floor now as Tae waved you off, his face turning red.

Then, Namjoon, Jin, and Yoongi, got up to go to the bar, leaning into each other’s ears trying to talk over the music. Hoseok got up next pulling a laughing Jimin with him to the dance floor, he protested but eventually went with, his hand in Hoseok’s. 

Before you knew it, you were alone with Jungkook and hating yourself for turning down Namjoon’s request for you to join them at the bar. 

“How about that dance?” Jungkook looked at you, smirking seductively, and you were left without an excuse. So, as Jungkook walked over to you extending out his hand you had nothing else to do but put your hand in his. You got up and took off your jacket leaving it on your chair, as Jungkook grabbed your hand and led you out to the dance floor. You passed Hoseok and Jimin who looked like they were dance battling each other, each one doing crazier moves than the other, skill turning into them goofing around. An upbeat song was playing and you didn’t know what to do with yourself. You loved dancing and weren’t too bad at it, but having Jungkook here made you instantly insecure. He started dancing around you, fluid and smooth, as if he knew every beat of the song in his bones. Your cheeks heated and you didn’t know what to do, until Jungkook grabbed your hand again and twirled you out and into his arms, dipping you back, he made a funny face as you tipped back and you laughed, the tension slightly leaving your body. 

He pulled you up, into his embrace, and whispered in your ear, “Hey, just relax. I won’t bite unless you ask me too.” You leaned back and looked into his smirking face and decided to stop caring, you laughed and nodded and let Jungkook spin you around to the beat. The song changed to a slower r&b one, and Jungkook began to move around you more sensually and you let yourself fall into his rhythm, moving your hips into his, your body mimicking his fluid movements. His hands were on your hips and you grinded them slightly into his crotch, before spinning out of his embrace and giving him a flirty wink as you danced in front of him, he laughed and looked at you with lust in his eyes. You kept dancing until each of you were breaking out in a light sweat, to which you announced that you needed a drink, Jungkook nodding to your statement. He grabbed your hand and led you off the dance floor towards to bar. You plopped down on an empty seat, smoothing your hair as you waited for the bartender. Jungkook stood behind you and leaned into your ear and said, “Hey, I’m going to go put my jacket at our table. Get me whatever your having, “You nodded and watched his backside as he walked away. He was slipping his arms out of his suit jacket, and his butt and thighs looked fantastic in his tight-fitting suit pants. You snapped back to reality as the bartender was trying to get your attention.

“Oh, I’m sorry, can I get two,” you paused, you always got wine but were unsure if Jungkook was a wine guy, but decided he would probably enjoy it, “Can I get two glasses of whatever cabernet you guys have.” The bartender dipped his head and produced two glasses in front of you, grabbing a wine bottle from under the counter, popping out the cork and pouring the chilled wine into the glasses, you thanked him and took a sip, looking over just as Jungkook was walking back.

“Wow, you already started without me, jeez.” 

“Oh, shush! Just drink.” You pushed the wine glass towards him, and he smiled and took a large sip.

“So you’re being nice to me, should I expect this from now on?”

“Accept for now, but don’t get used to it!” You laughed and Jungkook rolled his eyes while smiling. Jungkook looked behind your shoulder and you turned to see Manager Sejin walking up with an older man you didn’t recognize. 

“Y/n, I want you to meet Seo Jin-young, he is on the board of directors for JYP Entertainment.”

“Oh wow, hi Mr. Seo it’s an honor to meet you.” You immediately put your wine back on the bar and dipped your head.

“I just wanted to introduce myself, Mr. Sejin has been speaking very highly of you, and I was wondering if you would be interested in other big events for JYP, like label meetings, and contract signings, some would involve travel of course.”

You were astonished you had no idea this job would open so many doors for you. “I would be honored, sir. Thank you so much for even considering me.”

Sejin smiled warmly at you, “You’ve proven yourself to be a wonderful addition to this team, be proud of yourself.”

Mr. Seo nodded to Mr. Sejin’s words. “We will leave you young people to enjoy your night.” You and Jungkook bowed your heads as they left talking like old friends.

“Looks like someone’s getting a raise. Let’s celebrate!” “I thought we already were?” You laughed at Jungkook.

“Well now we can celebrate you too!”

Jungkook downed the rest of his wine, prompting you to follow and asked the bartender for a bottle of Soju. 

“Oh no, no, no. Jungkook I’m not getting drunk tonight.”

“Relax, we’ll only have a little.”

You huffed realizing you would lose this argument no matter what. The bartender produced a bottle of Soju and Jungkook opened to bottle and poured you a shot.

“To us, and our upcoming success!” You said, Jungkook smiled and clinked his glass against yours.

***

A little while later you were laughing harder than earlier and another bottle of Soju was next to the first, almost empty. 

“Hey, let’s go dance some more I love this song!”

Jungkook pulled you to your feet and you fell a forward into him laughing and regaining your balance quickly. Once you were on the dancefloor, Jungkook moved around you just as fluid as before and you moved your body the same, rolling your hips around, your head tipped back. The song changed to an electric beat, and everyone around you guys started jumping, Jungkook and you joining in, and from the corner of your eye you swore you thought you saw Tae slipping out the back door, with a giggling Hannah on his arm. You rolled your eyes, and kept on dancing with Jungkook, who made every move look so purposeful. The songs kept changing, but you and Jungkook didn’t stop, laughing and dancing for ten more songs. The dancing mixed with the alcohol, was making you feel ten times more drunk than you actually were though, and you tapped Jungkook’s shoulder telling him you needed air. He nodded and agreed and followed you off the dance floor to one of the hallways branching off the main space. It was dimly lit and you figured there had to be a bathroom or an outdoor patio at the end of it somewhere. 

Just as you turned to the corner at the end of the hall, Jungkook pushed you against the wall, his body fitting into yours a little too perfectly. You gave a half-hearted attempt to push him off then gave up, as his lips crashed into yours. Your mind was racing with all the reasons you shouldn’t but your desire got the best of you, and you lost yourself in the kiss. Jungkook’s lips were soft yet demanding and his whole body was hungry for you. You ran your hands through his thick hair, moaning a little against his lips. Jungkook grunted in response, lifting your legs up and wrapping them around his waist, you locked your ankles trying to bring his body even closer. You opened your mouth to him and he explored it with his tongue, nipping on your bottom lip, eliciting another moan from your mouth, as he trailed kisses down your neck, sucking on your neck and biting hard into your shoulder. He was turning you on so much, and all you wanted to do was rip his clothes off. You unhooked your ankles and Jungkook set you down on the ground. You looked around and opened the nearest door to you, a single bathroom which was lit much like the club, you pulled Jungkook in, his eyes devouring you. He closed the door behind you guys, clicking the lock into place. 

He walked towards you and whispered into your ear, “What do you want me to do to you?”

You smirked, “Bite me.”

Jungkook grabbed you and sat you on the sink, kissing you even more hungrily than before, you bucked your hips into his needing some friction, against your arousal. You could feel his erection straining against his suit pants, and you moaned at the contact. Jungkook moved from your lips and slipped the straps of your dress down your shoulder freeing your bra from underneath. Jungkook pushed your strapless bra down, cupping your breasts and massaging them as he tugged on your earlobe with his teeth. You leaned your head back against the mirror, as Jungkook began swirling his tongue around your nipple, and you felt all the way down to you folds, sure your underwear was wet with how excited he was making you. You sighed in pleasure, and Jungkook groaned as his name fell off your lips.

***

The sun was shining on your face as you woke, and you stretched your arms out sighing contently. You rolled from your back onto your side and saw a shirtless Jungkook sleeping soundly next to you, the sheet just covering his hips. You turned slowly onto your back and looked at the ceiling. You racked your brain and ran your fingers through your hair aggressively. 

What the fuck did you do last night?

[kylefitzi]

Us: A Peace Offering

A few years ago I started to coach and counsel graduate students. I enjoyed the idea of helping people in little ways throughout their day, got paid a decent amount to do it and haven’t found anything else worth exploring yet, so 33 months later, here we are.

Today I called a student to them know a section they enrolled in would be cancelled and after a fury of directionless expletives, the student proclaimed, “I’m going to murder somebody.” 

I was 45 minutes into an email hell and still reeling from a 5-day semi-bender out in the desert, so it’s probably fair to say my productivity was sub-optimal. 

Long before smartphones and social media made our public discourse something akin factory farming, I had an unofficial routine of reading the morning news to start my day. For some reason, I still do that, and this morning I, like many, was simply trying to reconcile the details of Daunte Wright’s death.

I’m honestly not one to stir the pot until I totally fucking am, so I’ll just mention, as an aside, that this student is white and often comes off needy, entitled and intense.

I have no idea what was going on with the student in the moment, but from the jump, the call was a bit off the rails. I think 31 years learning from my mom taught me that tone is dialed up into a borderline obnoxious pitch in any attempt to de-escalate someone or avoid conflict. As if the whistle is some non-fungible(?) bridge to mind the gap between the riled up and “easy bro.”

When the call concluded 4 minutes and 58 seconds later, the student actually said “have a great day.” Dissonance. On a whole new level. The rhythm is the bass and the bass is the treble. Sounds familiar!

Now, at times we’re all inclined to judge others and not necessarily hold ourselves to the same standard. To let assumptions about others run rampant in our minds and somehow expect the benefit of the doubt from every person in every situation always.

So I hung up, grabbed the pillow to my left, let out a few cathartic and downright savage screams to release the tension, and backflipped right back into the Gmail rabbit hole so terrible, in theory, that I’ve never taken 3 days off in a row in my 33 months in this gig. 

A few hours later, I decided to listen to that call recording again. Was it really as bad as it seemed? Nope. Was the student’s language and tone pretty disrespectful? Yup. Could the student have been in a shitty place right when I called, and this was the last domino to fall before a blowup? Of course! Did the student’s attitude toward a relatively minor issue registration issue reflect our times perfectly? Well shit, there’s the nail!!

I don’t know if this student was affected by yet another senseless police MURDER of a beautiful, innocent black body. I don’t know because we, and I truly mean WE, don’t talk to each other anymore.

Now THAT’S a BINGO!!! 

We talk at each other. We don’t ask questions. We repost tweets with the authority of Lincoln at Gettysburg. We don’t explore each others thoughts and feelings with genuine intrigue. We ravage each other’s ideologies in the name of tribalism. We crucify those who don’t share ours. We probably don’t even fully explore ours fully. We affiliate with and alienate and divide and destroy each other. We’re dominated by our fears, so much so that we neglect the adequate time it takes to be grateful for what little we can control. We pour gasoline on each fire we stumble across and then lie and tell others that if they don’t do the same, they’re terrible people. We sprint in the opposite direction of vulnerability because we expect to be cancelled if we dare share a truth, let alone the complexities of OUR truth. We hate, to be loved? We don’t ask ourselves who around us is in need of love. we kick and scream because we so desperately seek love and have completely forgotten that leaders fucking LEAD. We disregard the real truth - that each of us has the power to radiate love and light, inspire others to do the same, and in return receive a level of love and acceptance we probably would argue “doesn’t exist.” Our participation in these childish games of black and white appears to be our right of passage in the public eye. And our inability to see nuance in conversations rooted in exactly that continues to ruin us. 

It seems to me that a quick peel of the onion reveals a lot about why we’re angry and confused and depressed and alone. 

I always interpreted the legacy of the 50′s in America to be the monotony of and darkness in collectivism, when the dominant ideological center said there was nothing left to fight for. It was a drawn out Christian victory party, but realistically it was a referendum on the human condition. If all we have left to do is grow together, we’ll abandon the work it takes to commit to a vision and just find something to fight about.

Now I’m starting to wonder if this uncompromising power struggle for the “correct” ideology will leave the same legacy through much different history. We’ve moved the entire world online, and as such, we’ve moved our public discourse online. Our technology has created opportunity for expansive communication. But it’s also muted the warmth, love and truth in just about everyone’s physical being. What was a collective victory is now a collective cowardice. 

Corruption has been exposed at every level. Everyone is selfish. Everyone is incompetent. Everyone will be cancelled. No one is safe. No one is accepted. No one gets a second chance. Everything is wrong. Nothing is right.

Sure. With us that might be true. But what about within you?

In the past year+ at home, it feels like I’ve consumed more information than any year prior, and I’ve never been more confident that I know so little.

But if I may, I’ll leave whoever made it down this far with this. If you really want the answers, you have to ask the right questions. And in my experience, that means you have to open up. Open your mind to consider all points of view. Open your heart to accept all the ways you’ve failed. And open your soul to know the fucking difference. 

My failures only matter in a world of we. Your triumphs only matter in a world of we. So we need to start asking different questions to better understand the me in our chosen world of we. Our collective human spirit will never not be fragile and broken. But you, your spirit, well...it’s really all you’ve got.

[ultraviolettae]

Up and down

⇲ Pairing: Yoongi x reader

⇲ Summary: It´s a hot summer day on set and Yoongi can´t handle watching you lick a popsicle without wanting to fulfill his fantasies.

⇲ Word count: 4.326

⇲ Genre: Smut

⇲ Warnings: graphic smut.

⇲ Author´s note: This was on private but I´ve arranged it so that I can  repost it since I had to correct a few things.

It´s smutty and I´m not ashamed lol

You hadn´t planned this at all. You were supposed to be in your apartment, probably taking a nap or watching one of those movies that made you cry rivers even if you couldn´t relate to the character´s love life in any way possible. Yet when you had received a rushed and frantic call from your boss saying they needed you for today´s shoot, you had submitted to readjusting your plans and had driven all the way up to a forest in the middle of nowhere after cursing in three different languages. And now, there you were, almost whining at the lost of your day off.

On top of that, it was bloody hot. You squinted your eyes trying to block the sun as you made your way through the crowd, cameras already placed all over and staff members running across the set almost bumping into you and barely muttering an apology. There were various insects in the air that added up to the dry ambient and the fact that there wasn´t a single tree near enough to shelter under its shadow didn´t help at all. Your hands worked with a hair tie tying all the strands into a bun in an attempt to cool off and, slapping a mosquito that you had caught trying to suck your blood, a heavy sigh escaped your lips. Coming here - you could´ve rejected it, but it would only make you feel more miserable.

“Hey, you look pissed as fuck”

When you had agreed to come you hadn´t even thought about what exactly did they needed you for, but when you turned around to find Seokjin shyly smiling at you there wasn´t anything left to wonder. They wanted you to dance. Great.

“Having trouble with the choreography?”

You tried sounding as relaxed as possible. Above everything, you loved your job, no matter the circumstances. And as much as the day wasn´t going as you´d like to, Seokjin didn´t deserve your grumpiness, no less knowing how insecure he felt about his dancing skills.

“The other boys are busy having their pictures taken. I´m sorry they dragged you over here just to bare with my clumsiness”

One of your hands was placed on his shoulder and you gave him a reassuring smile. You´d sure prefer to be sprawled across your bed sipping on some kind of alcohol but, this was better for your health, you guessed. Besides, it wasn´t the first time something like this happened. Several times had you gotten your plans cancelled because the company needed some last second help.

“It´s no big deal. Let´s just find a spot where we won´t get burned by the sun and I´ll help you”

It turned out teaching the steps to Seokjin was quite fun. He had trouble with the body rolls and some of the footwork, but he knew how to laugh at himself when he made a mistake. He also had an easy way to make giggles escape your mouth, imitating the birds that were happily singing behind the branches or telling one of his dad jokes. He was about to finish one when someone appeared next to the pair of you.

“You still look like a spastic worm while dancing. Doesn´t he?”

You had been so caught up in your annoyance and in Seokjin that the thought of the other members hadn´t even crossed your mind. So, when you were met with Yoongi giving you an inquisitive look, you blinked twice. There was always something intimidating about his presence, no matter how many interactions there had been between the two of you already. The way his eyes were always dark, the slight poisonous tone of his voice, it all made it hard to be around him sometimes.

“Don´t be so harsh”

You sounded out of breath, but determined, and managed to look him in the eyes. Seokjin, for his own sake, decided to ignore Yoongi´s comment, which you were grateful for. The last thing you needed was to be included in a fight between these two, specially if you were on Jin´s side.

“Actually, Y/n´s help has done wonders. I´ll go get dressed, we´re starting in five minutes”

After thanking you one last time, he left both of you not knowing what to do as the uncomfortable silence was becoming unbearable. You were always unsure about how to act in front of him, his behavior always unpredictable. In all the years you had known the boys, he might be the one whom you had spent the less time with. The one that was less friendly, less open to establish conversation with you even when you were alone. Despite of that, you knew he didn´t dislike you. It was countless times that you had caught him staring at your body. That one time you bent over a desk to plug in your phone and you had caught a glimpse of his reflection in the mirror wall, his eyes glued to the rear of your ass. Or that day you wore a blouse with a bit of cleavage and had found yourself intensely blushing because of his persistent staring at your exposed skin. Each and every time a smirk on his face. You hated to admit that, even if he was just physically attracted to you, it made you feel some type of way.

But none of that mattered, of course.

He had never done anything that could make you push yourself into suppressing the crescent feelings you liked to think weren´t even there, neither had he done anything that could make you stop it. Either way, you tried not to think too much about it.

“I´ll go too. Will you be watching?”

The question caught you off guard. You fingered the bracelet around your wrist nervously, trying to find an excuse to avoid his eyes. Maybe his words were just casual, but he seemed to have an ulterior motive for them.

“Sure”

Despite the hot weather, a shiver went down your spine and you hoped he wasn´t seeing the way your cheeks were reddening.

“Good. I´ll be watching you, too”

His words pulled you out of your thoughts so rapidly your heart jumped against your chest. You could have sworn - you were sure this time - that there had been something predatory behind his words, something that you had never sensed before. As you watched him go to have his makeup retouched, you tried to brush it off. It sure had meant nothing.

Later on, you found yourself actually paying much more attention than you expected. You had seen the boys performing several times, but you had never seen them acting or behind a camera. It was quite the process, though, having to repeat the choreography numerous times until they all got it right at the same time. From the distance, you gave them some tips about how to get in sync, and you couldn´t say your eyes hadn´t drifted to Yoongi much more than they should have, your mind constantly pulled to thoughts of him. You hadn´t dared to look him in the eyes yet, but you had granted yourself a position in which you could see him up close. Letting yourself fantasize a bit, you observed the sunlight reflecting on the smooth skin of his collarbones, the mint locks of hair bouncing over his forehead. The others looked incredibly good as well, and you also directed short glances at them from time to time, admiring how graceful they all looked. And before you knew it, you were clapping along with everyone else and smiling at the thought of how good the result was going to be.

“Everyone! We´ve brought some ice cream!”

Your attention was quickly drowned to the cold treats that a manager was distributing, your mouth already watering at the sight. Taehyung approached you, holding two fruity popsicles that looked delicious.

“Here, Y/n. You´ve also worked hard”

You accepted it and a boxy grin appeared on his face, instantly lighting up yours as well. It was just ce cream, right?

“Oh, thanks”

You mumbled and nodded with a small smile, unwrapping the packaging. As you placed your tongue on the tip a smile appeared on your face. It was strawberry flavored, your favorite. When you were going to lick again, you noticed a pair of eyes boring into you. Yoongi.

You hadn´t taken what he had said seriously, until now. It was clear that he was watching you, some kind of desire written all over his eyes. You hugged yourself in discomfort, your arms pressed below your breasts unknowingly pushing them up. When his stare met them, when a smirk appeared on his face, it all made sense. He was getting turned on. Min Yoongi, out of all people you were surrounded by, was getting all riled up at the sight of you sucking on a popsicle. You decided to be brave for once. If he was going to stare, you might as well let him enjoy it.

The top part of your pink wet tongue met the ice again, flattening against it. You licked it once, twice without breaking eye contact. You continued doing that for a while, enjoying the taste as if you were eating it the traditional way. Then, you took as much of it as you could in your mouth to immediately take it out, slowly, your lips getting plumper because of the cold. All through it, staring at each other. Your mouth wrapped around the popsicle several times, your cheeks hollowing, swirling your tongue teasingly, all done at a slow pace. When the size of it had gone thinner, you concentrated on melting it, so that the liquid would spill down your fingers. After you had looked around enough times to see that no one was paying attention to the little interaction between the two of you, your fingers scooped some of the pink substance and you introduced them in your mouth, sucking it off with a gesture that clearly had a sexual nature. You stayed in that position for as long as you could, making the most out of it. And then, you removed them with a loud plop.

Whatever had gotten into you, you  liked it. It was fun to see him so stiff, his fists balled up and his lips parted in surprise. It was as if the thought of you being in control of Yoongi thrilled you, making you want more. You proudly smiled to yourself as you watched him finally move from his spot, his face as red as a tomato. After all, he kind of deserved it after all the times he had made you feel small under his hungry stare.

The events of the afternoon had completely extinguished your bad mood and you stretched your arms after having helped clean up the place. The sun was setting, there were only a few boxes left to put inside the vans and you were already fantasizing about arriving home to enjoy what was left of your day off when a member of the staff approached you.

“Y/n, have you brought your car?”

You gestured toward your black Volkswagen, nodding with your head and fearing where the conversation was going.

“Yeah, is anything wrong?”

He smiled at you as if he was already thanking you, even though he was aware of you not knowing what he wanted.

“We don´t have room in our cars for everyone, we´re missing one seat. Would you mind driving him home?”

That implied you arriving to your apartment later than expected and missing the first episode of your favorite drama, but, if you were in the situation, you´d like someone to do you the favor.

“Sure, and who will that person be?”

Before the staff member could say anything, someone appeared next to him and you didn´t need to look to know who it was.

“Me. That will be me”

Yoongi, again. His lips were curled up in a smirk and you wished you could smack it off his face. Suddenly you didn´t feel so good about the little display of pent up frustration you had made earlier, and blood crept to your cheeks. Why was it that as soon as he came close to you your whole body felt defenseless?

“Perfect! Then let´s get going”

You watchedthe staff member disappear and once again, you were left alone with Yoongi. Except that this time, you felt trapped under his stare, his black orbs not living your face.

Every single car left, the place now looking empty and showing its true nature without all the technological devices and human bodies that had been there just moments ago. All you wanted was to run away or climb up a tree, anything that meant not being in his presence. You were even tempted to run to your car and dump him right then and there so that the wolves could eat him in the middle of the night. But if that happened, they´ll probably sue you and you´d lose your job.

You inhaled deeply. You weren´t even making sense. It was just Yoongi. The fact that he had been able to get you turned on just because you had sucked off a piece of ice while looking at him didn´t mean anything.

“M-my car is over there”

He followed you, and his silence was only making you more uncomfortable. You wanted to fill it, but at the same time you were unable to articulate a single word.

By the time you had started the car, your hands were trembling. All the time you were driving he kept staring at you, even if the view behind his side window was breathtaking. You lowered your head avoiding a sun ray and your eyes met his momentarily before focusing on the road again.

“Can you stop looking at me? It´s making me nervous”

The words escaped your mouth before you could stop them and regret instantly swept over you. Even though you couldn´t directly see it, you knew he´s head was tilted to the side, that lopsided smile you hated so much plastered on his face.

“You didn´t seem so eager about it earlier”

An involuntary gasp left your mouth and your eyes widened. You hadn´t expected him to bring it up that way or being honest, to bring it up at all.

“What do you mean?”

Then, he placed a hand on your thigh, his slender fingers resting against your smooth skin as if that was the most natural thing to do. Your grip on the steering wheel tightened with strength you didn´t even knew you had in the first place. You regretted wearing a dress, you regretted what you had done earlier and you regretted that you secretly loved the way his hand brushed against your skin.

“Tell me” His voice had turned huskier that you were willing to admit and you tried to think about driving and nothing else “Do you think it´s alright to do that in front of me” The hand he had placed on your leg was moving up your thigh at a dangerous speed, now playing with the hem of your dress “and not expect a punishment?”

As much as you tried, there was nothing you could do to deny the heat that was growing in your core. You bit on your bottom lip. Focus on the road. Focus on the road.

The tip of his thumb met your lacy underwear and started massaging the spot. You reprimanded yourself for not having bought a car with seats five meter away from each other. Fuck. Those didn´t even exist.

“Y/n. Tell me if you want me to stop”

Hell no. The last thing you wanted was the warmth of his finger ,now brushing against your clothed clit, massaging it in slow circles, to leave you. You jumped in your seat, too startled by his touch and you had to suppress a tiny moan. As an incentive, you shook your head. You didn´t want him to stop. Not at all. This kind of situation would probably make you wake up tomorrow regretting life in general but, you were getting carried away. It was as if Yoongi had some kind of mind control over you. And the fac that he was asking for consent, it made your insides turn. Yoongi never worried about what you thought or, in that case, might want.

“Good girl. I´m sure that by now, you are aware of how much I want you”

You had to remind yourself how to breath, and this time you couldn´t control your whining. A moan left your lips, and he had done nothing but speed his movements against your now swollen bud. Yooongi, who gave you dirty looks all the time during dance practice when you corrected him, who always ignored you was suddenly teling you he wanted you. But, in which way?

“And by how wet you already are, I bet you want me to”

That was it. It was as if days, months of supressing your needs had been suddenly removed. You wanted him, right then and there. If he could make you feel that way only by rubbing your womanhood, fuck, you didn´t even want to imagine what having him inside you would feel like. Almost against your will, you parked the car literally in the middle of nowhere and you turned to face him. His hand was still buried between your folds, and you arched your back when a particularly strong stroke met your clit.

“Why are we stopping?”

You knew he knew the answer and you knew he wanted to hear it from your mouth. A wave of pleasure was sent through your core, and you tried to act composed and oblivious to it.

“Because” You tried not to moan again “If we are going to do this” He sped up his pace even more “I-I´d rather not die in a car accident while orgasming”

He let out a chuckle and his hand stopped moving. It was the first time you had made him laugh - that you knew about - and for a moment you regretted it had to be in an atmosphere like that.

“No problem, then. I can think of another million ways to punish you”

And before you knew it, your body moved automatically, awkwardly shifting between the seats and the numerous gadgets placed between them. As if he had been waiting for you, his hands immediately met your waist to help you accommodate on top of him, his hands hiking up your dress leaving your blue underwear exposed.

“If I knew you´d be this obedient, I would´ve done this way earlier”

Everything he said was a turn on. You liked his voice, the slightly seductive edge that had appeared only for you. His fingers dug into your ass, grabbing the flesh and cupping it roughly.

“I love your ass”

He almost moaned it, and you bucked your hips into his growing erection. The sudden compliment made your heart swell with pride, and you had to remind yourself that what he felt for you was pure sexual attraction.

“By all the times you had openly stared at it, it´s no surprise”

His eyes were darker than ever, his hands fidgeting with the fabric of the dress revealing more and more of your body while he was still fuly dressed.

“I wasn´t trying to be discrete”

You noticed his bulge pressed against you, and you rubbed your core against it. At this point, discrection was the last thing you needed.

“Don´t be”

The words seemed to have an impact on him, and he hungrily attacked your lips. He tasted good, making you want more even though you had just started. It took you a while to realize that it was the first time you were kissing him, his lips feeling as if they had been made specifically for you, as if you had already kissed before and you knew exactly what to do.

You separated to breathe and you spotted a protuberant vein on his neck, not hesitating a single second before burying your head in it and starting peppering kisses along his jaw line. You started rocking your hips against him, anxiously wanting to feel some type of release.

“Fuck. Keep doing that”

For once you were the one to smirk, the desperate tone of his voice activating something inside you. You wanted to kiss his neck again but, as you were about to place your lips on his skin, he pulled you back by your wrists.

“What’s wrong?”

Truly concerned about having done something unpleasant to him you furrowed your brows, but the amused expression on his face was telling you otherwise. He had something in mind.

“Ever heard of dry humping?”

You blinked, not expecting to hear that term at all. You had never thought about Yoongi being into that. Well, not that you had ever thought about Yoongi’s kinks.

“Yeah. Is that what you like?”

He lifted an eyebrow, a playful gesture that made him look oddly cute for the situation.

“Usually not” He found the zipper of your dress and he deliberately pulled it down along with the straps “But, it’s your punishment. I had to watch you sucking on that stupid popsicle” Your bra was now completely visible and he unclasped it without difficulty , your flesh meeting the fresh air. You didn’t complain, your eyes locked with his “Imagining it was my cock inside that pretty mouth of yours. You kept tempting me, and I couldn’t do anything. You got me so hard I thought my balls would explode”

One of his hands started massaging your breasts, the tips of his fingers pressing against your hardening nipples. His words only turned you on more, he didn’t have to swear he had been, and was, rock hard. You could feel it for yourself.

“Rub your pussy against me until you come”

Your mouth hanged open at his request and when you saw him place his arms on his sides, completely away from your body, you understood he was serious. You hesitated at first, but the way his eyes were roaming over your body encouraged you to do it. Your hips moved against the fabric of his pants, the friction causing you to get even more aroused. As you noticed his body relaxing under yours you sped up, alternating between thrusting and moving your hips in circles. His head fell backwards and he moaned, guttural grunts repeatedly delighting you ears. Your hand reached for your clit seeking for more pleasure, but once again, he stopped you.

“Play with your breasts instead”

At that point, you would’ve done anything he said. You cupped both your breasts as tight as you could, your hand reaching for your pussy wetting them with your juices only to spread them across you nipples. His dick twitched inside his pants, and you weren’t going to last much longer if you kept rubbing against it so hard. You kept repeating the same action, coating two or three fingers in your drenching core and rubbing the hot liquid all over your breasts while moaning loudly. Apparently, it turned him on beyond belief.

“Fuck Y/n. Now I want to come all over them”

His words were exactly what you needed to reach your orgasm, and you grabbed the sides of his jacket as your body convulsed, the pressure that had been built up in your lower stomach suddenly exploding. He obliged to touch you again, holding your waist to steady you between shaky breaths.

“That was fucking hot”

Your head rested against his shoulders, and you were not sure about what was going to happen next. You wanted him to touch you, to feel your body as he had done before, but all you got was his right hand lightly slapping your ass.

“You did great. But we’re not finished. You still owe me”

He signaled you to move back to the driver’s seat and you obeyed. Your legs were still trembling a bit because you just came, hard enough to make you feel dizzy.

“I don’t like the idea of your lips wrapped around something that isn’t my dick”

Even though you were aware about what you had just done and you yourself were naked, you blushed when he unzipped his pants, lowering them past his knees followed by his boxers. His erect member was now proudly standing in front of you, the tip redden and covered with precum. You could tell he wouldn´t be able to last much longer, and you wanted to help him. There was nothing preventing you from touching it.

“Go ahead. Suck me off”

You didn’t hesitate to spit on your hands before wrapping them around his length. He hissed, his thighs tightening and flexing at your touch. You gifted him a kitten lick before taking the whole thing in your mouth, your lips stretched to make sure you properly tasted his cock.

“Keep going like that and I´ll come soon”

He grabbed the hair on the top of your head and pulled you back, so that he could have a better view. In no moment did his eyes leave yours, as if he wanted to remember every single moment of him entering you for the first time. When you realized he was so worked up he had started doing his part of the job, your hands left his dick to rest on your thighs. He didn´t stop pushing inside of you until his tip met your throat, your voice muffled by him repeating the movement. You took every inch as best as you could, breathing through your nose, too caught up in the thought of you giving him pleasure to care about the pain. The only thing audible was the lewd sound of his skin hitting the back of your throat and some moans occasionally coming from him. His fingers dug harder into your scalp, making tears appear on the corner of your eyes that were going wider with every moment that passed, lust torturing them with each glance he directed at you.

“Fuck. I´m going to come…”

He suddenly pulled out of you and as he held his dick with one hand you saw him shoot his release, the hot liquid landing mainly on your breasts and some of it on your mouth. The sight turned you on even if you had just come.

Finally, he removed the cum from your lip, gently, and held it up for you to see.

“Open up”

Your mouth followed his command and you immediately swallowed, too fascinated by his bluntness. You watched him collapse against his seat as he put back his clothes and removed the sweat that had appeared on his forehead. With him fully dressed you suddenly felt too exposed and quickly reached for your clothes. Once you were back in your dress and you had brushed your fingers through your hair, you realized you didn´t know what to say. It was as if after both of you had fulfilled your fantasies about the other there was nothing left, nothing tangible to hold onto between the two of you. You should´ve had known that the fact that you had just had sex with Yoongi wouldn´t change anything, and it didn´t have to.Your lips were parted, your cheeks flushed, and your heart beating faster than usual. Yoongi had just given you the best orgasm ever, he had told you he wanted you...why did something feel so wrong then?

“That was great. I´ll take you home now”

If your smile had looked as forced as it had felt, he didn´t acknowledge it. Except for the reddened tone of his cheeks there was nothing that could hint that the two of you had just done something that intimate. The ride was short and silent, and he barely muttered a goodbye before exiting your car.

Back in the road, you wanted to hit yourself for being so stupid. He hadn´t even kissed you, or touched you the way you had dreamt about,  how it was supposed to be after you slept with someone. He hadn´t even thanked you. You sighed. It was just sex. Pure physical attraction. After today, Yoongi had made it clear: that was all he felt for you.

[mrvdocks]

Preacher

Fandom: Preacher

Pairing: Cassidy/Reader

Word Count: 1987 

Summary: The reader is a part of the town that is Annville, works as a sheriff, occasionally tending to Jesse and everyone else. 

(Don’t let the summary fool you, this is a Cassidy/Reader, only it follows the plot of the series very closely. This is just a chapter taken from ep 1. This is going to be a series.)

Present Time, Texas

The work day is slow, there’s little chatter in the station, with the exception of Sheriff Root yelling at some new rookie. She winces slightly, seeing the poor guy hang his head in both shame and fear. Root was merciless when it came down to it, there was never an in between. She turns away before Root can even glance her way, pushing away the stack of papers on her desk. 

That’s it for today, I can leave. She thinks.

Pulling away from the desk, and gripping the sleeve of her jacket, she inhales sharply as she calls out, “I’m off.”  

Root grunts in return and waves her off.  

Hopping into her somewhat clunky car, she eyes the pile of groceries in the backseat from the rearview mirror.  

Shit.  

There’s almost no fault in her foot slamming on the accelerator, tearing out of the station like a bat out of hell. She eyes her watch carefully, 2:37 pm.  

She knows her way all to well by now, has known since the sixth grade. There’s an comfortable familiarity to the places she’s passing and it’s not long until she pulls up to the back entrance of the church. She slams on the brakes, feeling her heart pounding as she comes to a stop and immediately reaches behind her for the paper bag. She dashes through the open door, reminding herself that she’s going to have to berate Jesse once more for leaving the damn door open.  

Stepping into the kitchen wasn’t so bad, but it did get a little hot just standing in one place. She shakes off her jacket, letting it fall and setting the bag down on the counter.  

“Jesse?” She calls out. Nothing.  

She sighs, bringing a finger to the bridge of her nose. She begins ascending the stairs, meeting an open bedroom door, and the familiar snoring that echoes through the walls. There’s an empty bottle of whiskey or something that reeks on his dresser. “Damn it.”  

She reaches for Jesse, putting a hand on his bare back, shaking him softly. “Jesse. Jesse.”  

He doesn’t stir. Sighing again, she comes closer to his ear, enough to yell his name a little more audibly.  

“Jesse!”  

He jumps, and rubs at his eyes.  

“Any louder? What do you want?” He mumbles sleepily.

“It’s time, you’ve got a sermon in 30 minutes, sleeping beauty.”  

He groans, pressing the palms of his hands to his eyes.  

“Have you been drinking?” She asks, clearly a bit frustrated.  

“No?”  

She shoots him a look, “Don’t bullshit me.”  

“I just had one.”  

“One drink?”

“More like one bottle.”

Silence.

“I don’t know what I’m going to do with you, Custer.”  

“Yeah well face it, you’re stuck with me anyway.”  

“It’s a blessing and a curse.” She mumbles, going through the closet and picking out the usual outfit. She tosses it at him, “Ten minutes.”

“Alright, alright.” He murmurs, pushing her out of the room.

-

The usual people begin to crowd in to take their seats and wait patiently as Jesse emerges. She sits in the front, and shares a quick look with Emily. It’s not really all that warm but it’s something. It’s also not long before she hears the clicking ticks of the keyboard from a phone or iPad and some hushed voices from behind her. They’d gotten bored. Albeit, Jesse was barely holding onto his written words, speaking almost in a monotone manner. She doesn’t even bother anymore, it’s hopeless. She just waits till the service is over so she can escape to the comfort of the shade of the only trees behind the church.  

-

“You doing okay?”  

“I’m fine.” Jesse says, trying to shake her off.

The sound of a gun going off in the distance makes her jump before hearing the people holler in excitement. Ted leaves on behalf of a frustrated Jesse, but she silently laughs under your breath as he mumbles about cheese before leaving. She hands Jesse a beer, as Donnie’s son comes up to Jesse. She eye the way Donnie has a grip on his wife, as the kid tells Jesse he wants him to hurt his father. Jesse laughs but it fades away as the kid talks about Jesse’s past. She tense up, clearly sensing Jesse getting a bit riled up.  

“How far do I go? One punch? Two?”  

“Jesse.” She warns, seeing him get a little into it. He settles back down onto the chair and once the kid gets a little agitated, he leaves.  

“Can’t you go one day?”  

“No.” He says simply, and drinks.

-

“Aren’t you supposed to be on duty?“ 

“Aren’t you supposed to not drink?”  

Jesse faces the massive crowd beating each other and making Indian noises. Clearly childish.  

“You want me to die?” She scoffs. “I dunno, there’s something funny about seeing our mayor be hit repeatedly by a girl.”  

“Uh-oh.”  

“What?”  

Root clears his throat, and has a little chat with Jesse, bringing up Eugene. She looks away from the two of them, staring off into the distance. Root eventually leaves, and she feels like she can breathe again.

“You shouldn’t even bother with the Donnie thing, Root wouldn’t do shit if it meant he lost votes.” She deadpans.

Jesse ignores her, and brings his flask up to his lips to drink heavily. “I wish you wouldn’t do that.”

Jesse ignores her again, handing her the flask. She hesitates for a second, but then takes it, downing it’s contents easily.  

“Welcome to the real world.”

-

“Hey, you got something.” A fellow sheriff calls out to her, catching her attention.  

“What is it?”  

“Fight down at the bar, I’d suggest taking it before Root does.”  

“Thanks for the warning.”  

She nearly sprints out of the station. She jumps into her car, and books it to the bar, ready for the speech of a lifetime she’ll give Jesse.  

She nearly trips over the pile of unconscious bodies of various men as soon as she slams the door open. The bartender’s hiding behind the counter, a clearly drunk but smug smiling Jesse stands before her, along with a skinny but pale looking guy who is still sitting at the bar, chugging a bottle.  

She’s careful crossing the bodies, and grabs Jesse forcefully by the arm, “What am I gonna do with you, Custer?”  

“Hey, you too.” She points to the grinning Irishman who is all but welcoming. “Take me away, Officer.” He giggles, bringing his wrists together as if he’s ready to get cuffed. She rolls her eyes, and slides her arm around his, leading both tipsy men out of the bar and into the car.  

-

“What the hell did you do to him anyway?” She’s genuinely curious this time.

“I made him make a bunny-in-a-bear-trap sound.” Jesse says, simple as that.  

“What’d you do?” She nods towards the Irishman.

“Nothing.” He giggles drunkenly.  

She decides that she needs to have some fresh air, before dealing with this again.  

“I’m bailing you out of this one this time Jesse.” She says before marching off.  

“Thanks for your help back there.” Jesse thanks the Irishman.

They both stand and before he can leave, Jesse turns to shake his hand.  

“Jesse Custer.”

“I’m Cassidy.”  

Just as he leaves, Cassidy halts Jesse to ask something that’s been on his mind.  

“That lass, the sheriff, is she-”

“You might not want to cross that bridge.” Jesse warns and walks off.  

He meets her outside, impatiently tapping her foot as nerves take over. “Thank you for that.”  

She nods. “You can take a ride from Emily, I’m little tired.”  

Jesse nods, understandably. Before she can leave, he halts her with his voice.  

“I think I’m going to quit.”  

“Seems like it.” She doesn’t bother disagreeing with him, it’s clear. He seems broken. It doesn’t seem like him.

“I appreciate what you’ve done, for me.”  

The corners of her mouth lift slightly to form a soft smile. “You sure you’re okay? Do you have a concussion or something?” She walks close enough to press her hand against his temple, which he shys away from.

“Come on.” He sighs.

“You know what, go on, get some sleep. We’ll talk in the morning.” She ushers him away and disappears into the night.  

-

“Eugene was right. It’s quiet. All right, one last time. I want an answer. Right now, or that’s it. I’m done.” Jesse speaks to the front of the church, staring at the cross.  

He kneels down. “God, please forgive me.”  

Silence.  

He sighed. “Yeah, thought as much.” He pulls back to sit and brings a cigarette to his mouth, lighting it up before cursing.  

A creaking spooks him, and he hears a whoosh.  

He can feel his cig hanging from his lips as he stares in disbelief. Something unseen pushes through the pews, coming closer and closer to him. He’s frozen. Then it hits him, literally, sending him all the way across the room.

The nightmare comes back, and once it comes to a terrifying shot, he comes to.

He’s back in his room, and she’s in the chair across from him, sleeping and reclining on her hand. Once she hears him stir though, she wakes without fault. He groggily lifts himself up.

“You were out a long time. But your fever’s down so we weren’t worried.”

“We?”

As soon as the question comes out, Cassidy’s voice rings out from outside, shouting at someone.  

“Your uh, friend came to see you. Strange guy, but I owe him one for finding you in the church. How do you feel now?”  

“I feel,’ he pauses, taking a look around the room. What he was going to say is gone.

"This guy won’t leave.” She laughs. “He’s even moved into the attic three days ago. Tried to fix the air conditioner.”

“Three days ago?” He asks incredulous.  

“It’s Sunday. Emily and I thought of canceling the service, but we figured you’d wake up eventually.”

He nods silently.

“You sure you’re alright?” She asks, almost coming close to touch his forehead but when he inched away, she brought her hand back down.

“Yeah, just, get everything ready. I’ll be down soon.”  

“Okay.” Her eyes become slits as she eyes him and studies him. She brushes it off as just another drunken blackout and leaves him to his own devices.

-

She sits in the back, eyes focused on Jesse. Cassidy sits up from behind her, and she almost jumps in surprise. Tulip strolls in and sits beside her. “Took you some time.” She whispers to Tulip. The three of them sit straight as Jesse begins, only to announce that there’s no sermon. As he begins, he apologizes.  

“As of today, as of right now, I’m going to fight, I’m going to do what all good preachers have done. Since the Serpent and Man’s Fall…pray for the sinner. Offer peace to the restless. Avenge the innocent. Cool the wrathful. Welcome those who are lost, And last but not least, speak forth the Word of God.”  

There’s something strange about his next sentence, that makes her feel as if some dark cloud looms over him. It’s just a feeling, but it’s one she can’t shake away. 

“This is why I’ve come home. To save you.”  

[hellofastestnewsfan]

POLK CITY, Iowa—Sitting under a framed ticket from an old Obama town-hall meeting, down in the basement of a farmhouse surrounded by snowy fields of corn and soybeans, I tell Michael Bennet that an Iowa Democrat who’d come to hear him speak compared him to pea soup. Good pea soup, hearty. But still pea soup, in a 2020 primary field that has sizzling fajitas and cake on the table.

Some politicians might have been insulted. Bennet smiles. “There’s something to that,” he says.

The Colorado senator was here on the last stop of his tour through the northeast part of the state, feeling good about what he heard and what he saw. What began two months ago as a vague notion about running for president had become a long and deliberate thought process. And now, after two and a half days on the ground, he was closer to getting in the race than when he landed.

[Read: The delusions and realities of the immigration debate]

Bennet’s not interested in an argument about progressives versus moderates, though he warns that Democrats shouldn’t make it easy for Donald Trump to write them off as socialists (he jumped up and applauded when the president said “America will never be a socialist country” in his State of the Union address, realizing only later that Bernie Sanders was right behind him, scowling in his seat). To Bennet, the presidential race should be about taking stock of what’s become of politics in the past 10 or 15 years and thinking about how to actually move forward, in a way that won’t just destroy the country even more.

People are tired of the rage Olympics, he believes, and they know in their gut that this approach is not working. He thinks they want something else.“If you promise people that you are going to give everybody in America Medicare, that you are not going to have to raise taxes, that you’re not going to have to cut health care massively, that 180 million people, 80 percent of whom like their insurance, are going to be willing to give it up, 20 million …” Bennet says, trailing off. “It is possible to write policy proposals that have no basis in reality, and you might as well call them candy. That’s what people want, as the song said, but I think that’s not where people are. I don’t think people believe that stuff. I think they want to see a serious approach to politics and a serious approach to policy.”

The noisiest voices in the party want Medicare for all and a Green New Deal. They want to answer Mitch McConnell’s Merrick Garland blockade by packing the Supreme Court and getting rid of the filibuster entirely. Learn the lessons of dealing with Republicans in modern politics, they say to other Democrats. Stop showing up to gunfights waving copies of Robert’s Rules of Order. That’s the way, they say, to ensure that Democrats keep losing even when they win.

No, Bennet says. Nooooo, he would scream, if he were the kind of guy who screamed, aside from the time he did scream and briefly became a viral sensation in January for tearing into Ted Cruz for 20 minutes on the Senate floor. He couldn’t stomach the Texas senator’s sanctimoniousness about how shutdowns were horrible when he himself had been the ringleader of the shutdown in 2013.

Bennet is on edge. He has been warning of the destruction of democracy for years. He thinks he’s more Cassandra than the boy who cried wolf, as he points out when I remind him that in October 2017, he warned that Trump’s decision to cancel the protections for Dreamers needed to be fixed immediately. It hasn’t been. “These issues are tearing at the heart of who we are,” he says.

While there are a lot of senators spending time in Iowa these days, there is no one in the Senate who quite has Bennet’s background. When he was appointed to the Senate in 2009, filling the seat of the man Obama picked as interior secretary, he was the superintendent of the Denver school system. He had been the chief of staff at city hall before that, but he’d never run for office himself.

The son of Mayflower descendants on his father’s side and Holocaust survivors on his mother’s, Bennet grew up going to prep school in Washington, D.C., where his father, Douglas J. Bennet, served as an assistant to Vice President Hubert Humphrey, an aide to Senator Thomas F. Eagleton, and the staff director of the Senate Budget Committee, before becoming president of National Public Radio in 1983 and president of Wesleyan University in 1995. The senator moved to Colorado after law school to follow his wife, a natural-resources lawyer (who enthusiastically joined him for the Iowa swing). His brother, James, is a former editor in chief of The Atlantic and the current editorial-page editor of The New York Times.

Since his appointment to the Senate, Bennet has run in two elections, in 2010 and 2016, but he was so turned off by what he found in the Senate when he arrived that he almost didn’t even try to stick around.

[Read: Michael Bennet wins his first race]

He did persevere, and he has earned fans in government and the political intelligentsia. Few people take the job as senator as seriously, they’ll say, and no one in Congress puts the kind of premium on educational policy that he, as a former head of a school system, does.

Compare him to Kirsten Gillibrand, also appointed in 2009 to a Senate seat Obama freed up by making a Cabinet pick. She was a House member who’d flipped a Republican seat, strategically maneuvered to get her Senate appointment, and then hustled there and in the media to turn herself into an obvious 2020 candidate. She announced her exploratory committee in the middle of January on the set with Stephen Colbert, and took off on a tour of the first caucus state. Bennet started pondering a run at the end of last year, and the pondering went on for two months before he rather quietly arrived in Iowa for two and a half days of small events.

The 2020 Democratic race so far doesn’t seem like a prime breakthrough opportunity for a white man who is more comfortable having a discussion of how “the priorities of Washington have decoupled from people’s lives” than riling up a rally.

“I’m not defensive of where I am on the ideological spectrum—I don’t think that language is the language of regular people in Colorado,” Bennet says.

He is asking a lot of questions as he thinks about actually running: How late is too late to get going? How much of a campaign is realistic for someone who doesn’t start out with much charisma or much cash? Do voters actually want to have grounded conversations about the future, especially in the wake of Donald Trump?

Each time Bennet has wondered if there’s still space for him, he and his team have decided that they should explore a little more, plan some more stops, and see if there’s enough cash to be tapped out of his donor network to make this possible. There’s been a lot of talk about platforms and platitudes, they think, but not about the big issues that could make him a counterweight to Trump.

“Part of it is that I haven’t spent my whole life thinking about running for president. I’m surprised enough to be in the Senate. I’m surprised to have been in the Senate for a decade. But I have really strong feelings about where we are, and where we went wrong over the last 10 years,” Bennet tells me.

Then there is the awkwardness that another Coloradan is already running—and not just any Coloradan, but former Governor John Hickenlooper. When Hickenlooper was the mayor of Denver, Bennet was his chief of staff. It was Hickenlooper who put him in charge of the Denver schools. And Hickenlooper was also considered for the 2009 Senate appointment (some national Democrats are now urging him to run for the other Colorado Senate seat instead of pursuing his long-shot bid for the presidency).

“I don’t view him as a rival; I view him as a different voice. And I think the more voices we have, the better off for the country,” Hickenlooper said, in the middle of one of his own campaign stops in Iowa, a few hours after Bennet headed to the airport at the end of his swing. “I’m not going to try to point out where I’m better than he is, or he’s not sufficient. Totally different backgrounds.”

Bennet came to Iowa last week with stacks of books tied together with wide blue ribbon for the hosts of every house party and event he attended: Evicted: Poverty and Profit in the American City, and Frederick Douglass: Prophet of Freedom. The Douglass book played into a talking point he kept trying out about how he thinks the firebrand abolitionist should be considered a Founder for the work he did to finish building the foundation of the nation, and how all people have the chance to be founders in their own way, if they can help make America more of what it can and should be.

“This generation needs to step up,” he said, standing on the slightly raised stage at a strip-mall bar in Johnston, pleasantly surprised that 70 people had come on a Friday afternoon to see him. The organizers were surprised too, since the event had been promoted with just two emails and a Facebook post, and it’s not like these days there’s ever any shortage of Democratic presidential hopefuls passing through the area around Des Moines.

What wasn’t clear then, or at any of the other events that drew crowds around that size, was whether people were showing up because they liked him or because he was a curiosity. Since this is Iowa, being curious about some senator passing through and talking about national politics is a perfectly reasonable way to spend a Friday afternoon.

Bennet is finishing his own book, coming out in a few months. He’s been at it for about a year and a half, having begun not long after Trump was elected, trying to isolate and diagnose what’s wrong with the Washington he happened into, and figure out what to do about it. While most presidential candidates write books to promote their campaign, people who know Bennet say that writing the book was what got him thinking about a presidential campaign in the first place.

He’s been known to call the Senate a sociopathic place. He speaks about the “corruption of inaction.” He has a joke about how he used to say that the Supreme Court’s Citizens United decision, which allowed corporate spending on elections without limits, displayed a seventh grader’s understanding of government, but has since decided that’s unfair to seventh graders.

He spoke for 40 minutes at the bar, taking questions on arts in schools, health care, how to keep the cost of marijuana down if it is legalized, and closing the prison at Guantánamo Bay. The last question, about Trump’s emergency declaration to seize federal money to pay for the border wall, got him going.

“People are bending and breaking rules that shouldn’t be bent and they shouldn’t be broken,” he said. “Institutions that have been nurtured and preserved over generations are being destroyed by the politicians that are in them, and I don’t think we can accept that. I think that we gotta go back to a place where tyranny is something that’s not allowable in American politics. If you are racist, if you are discriminating against immigrants or other types of people, if you can’t pay attention to what somebody else has to say, then you ought to be voted out of office. But the rest of us ought to come together and figure out how to get through this kind of doomsday scenario, where we’re wrecking the institutions our kids are going to need to make decisions in the future.”

He knows this isn’t the most satisfying pitch, but he’s starting to see himself as the person who needs to stand up and say it.

“It’s not our fault.We haven’t been the party that’s been causing those problems, but in order for us to truly succeed for our grandkids, we are going to … have to be better than them … And that’s going to be tough,” he said, finishing up. “No tougher than the work Frederick Douglass did, I can assure you of that.”

At a Friday-night house party in Waukee, Tom Vilsack introduced Bennet in terms that the senator is hoping voters see him in. The two had gotten to know each other when the former Iowa governor was Barack Obama’s agriculture secretary and Bennet was a member of the Senate Agriculture Committee.

“It’s not just about the State of the Union, or ribbon cutting or press conferences. It is about those moments in the presidency when there are life-and-death decisions to be made. It is at that point that you want somebody of substance—that celebrity doesn’t matter,” Vilsack said, reflecting on what he’d seen of the presidency up close in Obama’s Cabinet. “You want somebody who’s a thinker, somebody who can question even the experts so that he or she comes up with the right decisions for us.”

At this party and a string of other events, Bennet got warm responses. Questions came at him about making the case for the good of government and about campaign-finance reform. But he still seems so uncomfortable in the Senate—would he really like to be president now, I ask him?

“I’m not sure anybody would like being president. Trump does seem to be having a good time, because in his mind it’s a reality show all the time, and it’s not important to him, I don’t think, whether he leaves the country in better shape than he found it,” Bennet says. “Whoever it is, we’ve got to find a president who’s capable of leading us to a much better politics than we have right now.”

from The Atlantic https://ift.tt/2IIyE0W