#but i just haaaated having it that short

[fingertipsmp3]

Love that facebook reminded me that 4 years ago today I bobbed my hair and immediately regretted it

[emberglowfox]

looooove blacking out on staircases because me saying “i can’t do that, i’m going to throw up and black out” in response to being told that we’re going on a upstairs hike is apparently me being lazy and trying to get out of things

and then people are appalled and embarrassed when exactly what i said would happen happens. and then somehow it’s my fault, like me publicly throwing up in front of a bunch of joggers is my idea of a cheeky prank and good time

[angeltism]

I hate like 80% of my tag actually

[orcelito]

I've gone through a character arc today. I'm... better(?) now

[bonefall]

ooo... What's Sol saying to Cinderheart on her and Fallenleaf's journey, if it's not too much to ask? And unsure of the how, but I think it could be neat if he used a blackbird for it - fun nod to her catch in Sign of the Moon(?) & the emotional downswing she had cause of it, might make it a little more unsettling.

I really should keep using blackbirds as symbolism for things that threaten Cinderheart's emotional stability. It would be good form for that to stick around post-Po3 and OotS, thinking about it.

Sol possesses things to speak to Cinderheart. He can't manifest physically at the moment, but when Fallenleaf lapses, he can use certain animals to speak for a short while. The goal here is to hurt Cinderheart somehow, knowing this will weaken Fallenleaf.

So I think his lies should mostly be trying to make rifts between them, knowing a few of her insecurities from waaaay back in Po3

"You're just incidental to her, you know. You're not needed."

"No one really wants you here. You're slowing everyone down."

"Secretly, she haaaates you. She's just tolerating you."

"What a pathetic thing you are! Devoted to someone who's just using you!"

"She could have saved your child, but she didn't. And when you die she won't save you either. Leaving was just a ploy to get away from you, but you ruined it."

"You're less than her. There's a million mortals, but with me in tow? Fallenleaf is a god. What makes you think you deserve this?"

BUT there's a big thing he doesn't know; that she's actively dealt with intrusive thoughts before. What is he, if not an intrusive thought externalized?

"I WISH my own thoughts had snappable necks!!" She jokes to Fallenleaf one day, Sol's little chesspiece of a blackbird dead and plucked and going in the stew. Fallenleaf's gaze settles on something a thousand yards away. There's a long pause, quiet enough that the birdsong in the distance is deafening.

"...To you, it-talks? You, are being hunted?"

Use the moment to show that even though CINDERHEART is equipped to handle this exact type of mind-fuckery on Sol's behalf, Fallenleaf is not. And the fact that he's targeting her lover to try and hurt his real quarry is terrifying, sickening, and painful to Fallenleaf.

Her choice to associate with this being, to let him into her chest, has no end. She's chained to a monster, and Sol won't just stop at hurting Fallenleaf to get his freedom.

The fact that it's Cinderheart's story could also really work in its favor, since we won't have a large window into Fallen's head to know exactly how she herself is dealing with this. Or how much Sol ACTUALLY knows about Fallenleaf, and how he doesn't actually have any insight to her thoughts or feelings.

[ceruleanvulpine]

ok so. this is gonna be very focused on my girl at the expense of the general plot but pls enjoy

in [redacted larp], the kingdom of vaguely medieval european fantasy is under attack by the evil wizard empire. the evil wizard empire are your traditional mage supremacists with an immortal god-emperor who ban the worship of all of VMEFkingdom's gods.

at my first game, Our Heroes were freeing an island from occupation by the evil wizard empire. they burst into a tavern and start killing the soldiers stationed there, and find a few civilians hiding, including a death priest. there are two death gods in the setting: one loves zombies and necromancy and suffering, and the other is about finality and respect for the dead and things in their right place. the priest, who follows the second, after recovering from getting whacked on the head while hiding behind a counter, introduces herself as Let This Darkness Be A Belltower (bell for short). this is not a normal name in the setting, lmao.

bell immediately joins in with the forces of the rebellion, mostly following around an elven doctor who becomes her new bff and healing people. by the end of the weekend she has blown up an evil wizard empire warship by sabotaging a laser cannon and helped to free the city.

of course, let this darkness be a belltower... is the name she gave herself after she had a religious breakdown/breakthrough and defected from the evil wizard empire. (a few people know this after her first game, most don't.)

meruet peitry! her mom is a politician, her brother is a soldier, her younger half-sister is a prodigy necromancer and the golden child. meruet is frankly a disappointment because she has a little mage blood and can't use it at all, but her family is nice about it. she's her sister's confidante/anchor/the person who tells her to take a nap when she's doing too much necromancy and it's affecting her temperament. (meruet haaaates necromancy. unbeknownst to her or anyone around her, this is because of being chosen by deathgod 2.)

she gets shuffled off to the occupied island as part of a political game, mostly as a hostage to ensure her family's good behavior, but she's just happy to not be married off.

she debuted in game in 2022. in the in-game equivalent of 2020, one of the PCs definitely the dastardly evil wizard empire kicked off a necromantic blight that caused all the dead things in a certain region to rise as zombies immediately. simultaneously, someone was fucking with deathgod2, and all his chosen started having extreme insomnia and nightmares. a sleep-deprived meruet has a break with reality and becomes variously convinced that she's dead (she is not) undead (no) and chosen by a higher power (yes.) after some time secretively investigating confiscated materials on VMEFkingdom's gods, she realizes she has some association with deathgod2 and starts spending more time with the locals...

getting us back to where we started. meruet peitry is presumed dead, and bell has new friends! with a certainty born of god visions and a convert's zeal, she resolves to just never think about her family again, and probably that will be fine.

she learns the world is ending and throws her lot in with freeing the old gods to fix it, resolving with that same self-centered moral certainty that she will lie to her new friends if necessary to achieve this (they turn out to agree. but she would have lied her ass off). at one point she gets kidnapped BY the evil mage empire for a month. she becomes frenemies (?) with the atheist goodguy necromancer who, when they met, made a corpse throw itself off a cliff and then told her god was fake. she's doing fine.

one day a skeleton shows up with a letter from her sister mariliz. bell is uhh upset by the necromantic messenger and also stressed. the letter is like "i saw by scrying that you're alive?? have the forces of VMEFkingdom kidnapped you?? please write back!!" bell ignores it. <3

unfortunately, her sister gets kidnapped by bone-eating vampires (?!) on a research mission, which bell learns when her sister's dream bleeds into the dream the PCs are exploring, and she walks into her childhood home with a bunch of her new friends and is greeted by her siblings. then her sister starts screaming, wakes up, and disappears.

a rescue mission is waged. bell continues to maintain the pretense that she is rescuing a random woman who is not related to or known to her in any way to everyone but a few people. she even sends a dream message ahead to her sister to be like "DO NOT say we are sisters when we meet. i love you. don't die"

when they find her sister, though, she is ... in a bad way from having her bones repeatedly eaten and regrown for months. bell takes her back to the clinic where she's living, and as her sister is basically swaying on her feet about to pass out, freaks out about how she's a traitor and a heretic and it would be better if they hadn't met again. (oh, her sister doesn't believe she can do divine magic, because the emperor is the only god. maybe bell has finally learned how to do arcane magic after years of failing to? bell: No!!) mariliz passes out and bell immediately ties her hands and has the local sorcerer cast a spell on the bonds preventing her from using her magic. (necromancy is not ONLY scary, it's illegal here. this is for her own good!)

cue bell's sister living in the clinic as a prisoner for months while they wait for someone who can take her home. bell makes some attempts at de-indoctrinating her, but she's bad at it (keeps getting mad that her sister doesn't believe her god is real). she mostly ends up making weird comments to the two elf doctors helping to treat her and reading trashy novels. god bless the person who played her, who hits the perfect balance of smugly chauvinist, kickable, and deeply unsettled by the changes in her sister and her life.

meanwhile, on a dangerous mission, bell finds out that one of the other PCs caused the blight (when someone casually mentions it). she punches him in the face and resolves she has trusted *too many goddamn necromancers*. that same day, she meets her god inside his nightmare of the time he was fucked with. she tries to look into his eyes as he freaks out and gets an instant "insanity no will save" effect, which was fun as hell to play because i just upped the ante on her panic about the dream and about the people around her being corpse dismembering murderers (this fear was already present). but she does recover and asks her god if he would have her take any action against the other PC. he says no. so now they're... extremely awkward coworkers.

incomplete list of. some of bell's other friends (?) (if you're not on here i just couldn't come up with a funny summary)

the elf doctor i mentioned: they love each other. bell is often Concerned about her schemes.

the daughter of blight guy, the second most powerful necromancer in game: now just stares unsettlingly at her whenever she sees her

a younger and, until recently, more powerful priest of deathgod2: why does she remind me of my sister

the token Guy Who Doesn't Want To Free The Old Gods, a former child soldier with a tendency to resort to violence to solve his problems. but he and bell have an awkward coworker relationship and he seems to think she's the only reasonable person who wants to free them, because she'll discuss the possibility of going his way instead.

goodguy atheist necromancer: bell accidentally spent all his money once while buying supplies for him from an NPC played by the same guy

game before last, bell willingly sacrificed her life to deathgod1 to push back the blight. she came back, died in a battle, came back again, but it gets less likely each time, so she's getting more and more frightened.

last game her sister escaped and showed up in town, so bell followed her around going "noooooo" while she (thinking she was being so sneaky) asked questions about life here and why all the mages don't just move to the empire. now she's been safely sent home. so it's fine and bell never has to think about her family again! she also, to her confusion, got to finish the deal with deathgod1 by 1) moving furniture into his temple and 2) peer pressuring a bunch of new characters into getting Agony'd with her to consecrate it. probably fine.

+ bonus: my fave face NPC (that i play) is a horrid anti-magic cop who just shows up and flatly bullies everyone holding scrolls. twice she has caught people with high level necromancy scrolls. i keep waiting for someone to murder her, i am NOT that hard to kill, but she does have a spell that boils the magic in your blood, which i am waiting eagerly to use <3

[spicysix]

20 Questions for Writers

I was tagged by @missberrycake thank you lovely ♡

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

38!

2. What's your total AO3 word count?

115,027!!! that's so many words

3. What fandoms do you write for?

currently, only Stranger Things. before, i've written for a bunch of RPF - McFly, The Maine, One Direction. don't think i had ever written for a show/movie before

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

crush crush crush - steddie X reader

fuck-marry-kill - steve X reader

it feels like i'm going home - eddie X reader

now i'm ready to start - eddie X reader

love sneaked in with the smell of you - eddie X reader

i find it very funny that my top 5 (actually, my top 9!!!) it's all reader inserts. didn't think they'd be popular at Ao3 hah

5. Do you respond to comments?

i do!!! currently i have a lot of comments to answer to, because i've been a little away from fandom and specifically from writing since last year, and haven't found it in myself to answer them. but i will!!!!! someday

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

me and you (we can't lose) [eddie X reader] definetely. canon compliant. that's all needed to understand lmao but some of the drabbles for my Forever Halloween Challenge are also very angsty and gory

7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

basically all my other fics have happy endings, so that's a hard thing to answer lol i think it's relative

8. Do you get hate on fics?

never did, thankfully!

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

i've only ever wrote one smut scene for going home and nothing else in english. in portuguese, i've had a series of three short smut fics that i never finished lol. it's not my thing and it's hard for me to do it because of the language barrier in english, i feel insecure about it. i just prefer writing pure fluff in general

10. Do you write crossovers?

never did, no, cause it's usually not something i like to read as well

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

not that i know of

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

also not that i know of but that would be so nice if done with permission!

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

also no. i think i'd have a bit of a hard time, but wouldn't be opposed to it

14. What's your all-time favourite ship?

i'll say that nothing has ever got me as much as Steddie before. i've always been a reader insert girlie, besides the first fics that i've ever read (Jemi - joe jonas X demi lovato) fics, i'm pretty sure Steddie was the only characters ship that i've read and got completely obsessed over

15. What's a WIP you want to finish but doubt you will?

your sweater (up over your head) [stonathan]. this fic is very special to me and a personal challenge in many ways, and i'd love to finish it someday but i'm not sure i'll get back to writing ST, so it's a hard chance

16. What are your writing strengths?

i'd say dialogue! it flows very naturally to me

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

description. haaaate describing things, scenarios, clothes, faces, animals, whatever. i think i'm really mediocre if not entirely bad at it

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

if it's through someone's specific POV, i'm in favor of writing as the character understands it - so if they understand the language, keep it translated and just describe that it was in another language; but if they don't understand, then don't translate either. then you can either put it on a note or make the character who said it translate it. but also, if it's too big of a text, i think it can be annoying. so, mostly short phrases it's good

19. First fandom you wrote for?

McFly rpf reader insert

20. Favourite fic you've written?

ahhh that is such a hard question, i love all my fics so dearly. but i'm gonna go with going home because it's my first and only finished long chaptered fic, and all the research i did for it and everything else involved in writing it that made it a bit more special

Tagging (no pressure): @marvel-ous-m @hbyrde36 @stellarspecter @starryeyedjanai and anyone else who sees it and wants to join in!

[yanderepuck]

Everyone need to know the relationship between Salaì and Melzi 🤣

Oh GOD.

Salaì is hitting that boy with a steel chair.

If you don't know, Melzi was one of Leonardos apprentices. He took in Melzi in 1505, and is 11 years younger than Salaì, making him 39 years younger than Leonardo. Now if we go by ikevamp lore... Leonardo never had Melzi as an apprentice bc he went MIA after painting the last supper in 1499/1500, but Leonardo does mention Melzi in his Episode 0. WHICH MAKES NO SENSE

Anyway. Salaì HAAAATES Melzi. Even irl he hated Melzi. Salaì was jealous that Leonardo spent time with Melzi and gave him praise. Irl Leonardo has to make sure he put time aside to spend it with Salaì because he got so jealous.

Melzi came from a RICH family. His father was in politics which means Melzi was going to be as well but he wanted to learn how to paint for funsies.

Salaì hates the rich. Melzi would just spend money like it was never ending for him, and Salaì hated that. The boy steals.

If Vlad decided to bring Melzi back as a rival..it's on SIGHT. Salaì is throwing hands on the spot. Not even questioning how he's alive. Immediately fighting.

When Leonardo said that Melzi would be over, Salaì would then make sure to cover everything in cat fur bc I think it would be funny if Melzi was allergic.

Melzi would have to stay in the castle for his own protection.

Say his name and Salaì will pretend to vomit. He might be dead but Salaì still insults him. Leonardo just sighs and is like "he's dead...please leave him alone" and Salaì is like "nope. He deserves to suffer more"

Would 100% spit on his grave if he can find it.

Melzi is 100% the reason why Salaì bullies Comte. Both are blonde and rich. They are too similar. However Melzi was a little shit back since he was so much younger.

Imagine Salaì being 25 and having beef with a 14 year old. Because he does. Salaì has definitely stolen from Melzi. And Melzi knows it. Leonardo doesn't believe it

Melzi: HE STOLE FROM ME

Salaì: what proof do you have

Melzi: uhhh you are a THIEF???

Salaì: you have nothing I'd want

Leonardo: look. Yes he steals. But he hates you so much that I don't think he would ever want to touch your things

Salaì: exactly. Maybe you just lost it~

Salaì is borderline trying to kill Melzi. And Leonardo just sighs and occasionally breaks up their fights. Melzi IS doing his best to fight back. But like I said, he comes from a rich family, that boy hasn't had to work for much while Salaì is out here in bar fights weekly.

Anyone: what did Melzi look like?

Leonardo: about Salaìs height, short blonde bob hair. He always wore nice clothes

Salaì: a bitch

[vacantgodling]

using rose’s tags ( @void-botanist ) as an excuse to ramble about the psyche of my boy

the funny thing about hya is he’s very pointed in how he speaks and acts because his biggest goal with communication is to have to do as little of it as possible.

he hates talking to people. he hates when people act familiar with him. he HAAAATES when people push his buttons and violate his boundaries (which is a running theme in his life). so starting from his outer core to his inner shell, he’s crafted himself as a vessel to invite LITTLE to NO conversation if he can avoid it.

his outer appearance is intimidating. dripped out in wealth and eminence, his immaculate physique with muscles that aren’t just for show, down to the golden canines that spark when he clicks them together, it’s all meticulously put together to deter anyone weak willed from speaking to him. or if they do (like servants) to keep that shit short.

The first time Lavendula laid eyes upon Hyacinthus, he had been dressed more finely than her husband. Shocking amounts of gold and grandeur adorned him; gold woven lace hidden underneath a gilded silk and stark white blouse tucked into a tight white corset laced with gold. The threads of his trousers glinted with every step, the click of golden heels on the marble floor commanding. Even from behind his mouth that could spew such malice, golden grills protected his sharp canines, making every word feel more biting with the clack of them. If you didn’t know him, you feared him and even if you did, what raw power his broad shoulders could hold. He regarded her with a look one would give a dirty, disobedient child and the warmth in it, the scathe of it, was something Lavendula had never felt. 

his brash way of speaking and the curses he colors his speech with are quite “unbecoming” of a noble and deter those of his similar class from speaking with him for too long. usually a glare alone is enough deterrent (he got his mothers resting bitch face and love that for him) but if anyone is to try and overcome that hurdle, talking with him usually cuts it short.

“I have no qualms about coming across this table and removing your head from your shoulders.” Hyacinthus spit and Wdwr. Anvil-Gunn gasped. “So if you would like to remain untouched by my beastly countenance you should fuck. Off.”

finally, acts of violence and outbursts of anger are used as the final repellant. shouting at belladonna and covering her with wine, throwing a man over a banister and killing him then leaving the body to rot in the foyer, the numerous times that he slams amon into things, punches him, or rips his clothes (in a non sexy way LMAO — well non sexy to a normal person amon thinks it’s hot because he’s deranged) are all attempts to simply get people to stop talking to him. it usually works. literally almost every person he’s dealt with doesn’t deal with him more than they have to. he wants to keep it that way.

“You infuriate me!” Hyacinthus finally roared and finally the rest of the tension crashed to the shore. He charged forward, taking a wide swing at Amon who was too stunned to react. Hyacinthus’s fist connected with Amon’s jaw in a sickening crack making Amon stumble back. Blood bloomed from his busted lip and almost instantly a bruise that began to form dark and ugly along Amon’s jaw.

but then there are people like amon, aloe, and tagetes who are undeterred.

aloe is different than the other two because he’s sweet and genuinely cares for hya. much of the reason hya doesn’t like talking to people is wrapped up in one of the Main Themes of paramour, which is genuineness. it’s no secret that most characters are fake and shallow. and despite what his actions may say, hya is the most truthful character of paramour. he doesn’t beat around the bush, he doesn’t compromise who he is, he is unflinchingly honest even if it will fuck him over (looking at every interaction with the keeper). the other extremely honest character is aloe. hya is drawn to his brother and his care, so a lot of his rough edges are softened or tapered off around him.

amon and tagetes however, enjoy pushing hya’s buttons. for different reasons and to different ends BUT they both do. and unfortunately on them none of hya’s usual tactics work. violence doesn’t do anything (tagetes seems relaxed but similarly to hya they have killed and would again though they prefer to leave the dirty work to others; amon is a fighter by nature and is also turned on by hya roughing him up so… doesn’t have the desired affect). intimidation doesn’t work. vulgarity means nothing. so with little options, hya is only left to bicker with them; a declawed cat around the two of them, essentially.

(even tho the excerpt for violence i added was of amon my point still stands 💀💀)

[daenystheedreamer]

i thoght the yaoi thing was joke? :(

its /hj. tbc i haaaate most yaoi the majority of it is tasteless voyeuristic erotica which isnt like an evil thing to make but still extremely bad. i think its funny and i mostly read it cos its hilarious. more thoughts under the cut

it's misrepresented and #misunderstood especially by western gay people. its not representation, it's not 'led by queer people', and the difference between 'yaoi' and 'boy's love' is marginal. it's predominantly heterosexual women who enjoy writing drawing reading two (or more..) guys fuck which is fine. yaoi vs bl is often used as both a categorical distinction (yaoi is erotica, bl isn't) and a moral one (yaoi is cringe/homophobic/bad and bl is pure/wholesome/untainted) which is like fundamentally so wrong if you know anything about the genre.

the history is really interesting. It's roots are firmly in shojou manga, as in, explicitly for young women. early works are often taboo-breaking and deal with sexual abuse, incest, etc. an early muse for the genre was bjorn andressen as tadzio in the film 'death in venice' and if you know anything about that film and andressen says A Lot. shonen ai (literally boy love) was originally a term which was pederastic in nature but became the name for the genre. to crib from the wikipedia article cos it summarises it well:

While the term shōnen-ai historically connoted ephebophilia or pederasty, beginning in the 1970s it was used to describe a new genre of shōjo manga (girls' manga) featuring romance between bishōnen (lit. "beautiful boys"), a term for androgynous or effeminate male characters. Early shōnen-ai works were inspired by European literature, the writings of Taruho Inagaki, and the Bildungsroman genre Shōnen-ai often features references to literature, history, science, and philosophy; Suzuki describes the genre as being "pedantic" and "difficult to understand", with "philosophical and abstract musings" that challenged young readers who were often only able to understand the references and deeper themes as they grew older.

Yaoi, on the other hand:

Coined in the late 1970s by manga artists Yasuko Sakata and Akiko Hatsu, yaoi is a portmanteau of yama nashi, ochi nashi, imi nashi (山[場]なし、落ちなし、意味なし), which translates to "no climax, no point, no meaning".[f] Initially used by artists as a self-deprecating and ironic euphemism, the portmanteau refers to how early yaoi works typically focused on sex to the exclusion of plot and character development; it is also a subversive reference to the classical Japanese narrative structure of introduction, development, twist, and conclusion

by the way, that [f] note is: "The acronym yamete, oshiri ga itai (やめて お尻が 痛い, "stop, my ass hurts!") is also less commonly used."

Like the term fujoshi, meaning 'rotten girl', is the same it's very silly and self-deprecating. That's so fun! I think the yaoi genre in general is a really interesting phenomena that's rooted so deeply in Japan as a culture. I think it's great that women are able to sincerely enjoy something fun, I think it's great that women were able and continue to have successful careers in writing, and I also think it's mostly bad.

A lot of modern stuff, especially the works getting pumped out of korea by genuinely evil webtoon companies, suffer from the fundamental problems with serialisation. It putters from chapter to chapter and every single one is the same as the other. A lot of Japanese bl/yaoi is in the form of short fiction, about 5-10 chapters, and again there are fundamental problems with this. they often suffer from too much crammed in AND from so little stretched thin.

I also think yes morally or 'representationally' or whatever they are like Pretty cringe. like sorry uke/seme is BAD. sexual assault is not even handled so much as it is kicked around. Women are non-existent at best and horrifically sexist at worst. Also the writing, though ofc i read (often fan-) translated works, just sucks.

You guys don't know how bad it gets. like ok example.... it's hard giving examples cos most of its just boring or bad in a lame way. okay there's this korean rom-com drama webtoon about a boss and his employee and the boss is actually an immortal snake-deity who fell in love with this guy and his employee is the reincarnation of that guy. sounds fine right? well the snake boss has two dicks. So.

[fingertipsmp3]

Just remembered I still need to cancel that job interview I got signed up for against my will

[ubike-official]

my dear friend ive been thinking of you talking about having self hatred blinders on with your trip and it really resonated with me like yeah thats exactly what im dealing with rn and trying to pry them off myself but still struggling with it even as im aware of it, i was wondering if u had any tips for moving forward and out of that kind of self hate and trauma fueled horse blinders mindset (aside from yknow. general healing and unpacking it all). no rush or pressure for replying i was just wanting to pick ur brain a little about it ily i hope ur day is going well

Hi Rey, my friend Rey! Thanks so much for being patient with my reply. I wanted to really sit down and give you a good proper answer here so I reviewed the Ancient Texts (my old journal entries). One thing that really helps for me dealing with the trauma self hatred blinders is the feeling that I owe it to myself to be confident. I think of sad little child me and how I know she wanted to be confident and accepted. And when I think of how others made me feel this hatred and that it's not a natural state. That my natural state was happy even if it was short lived, that i deserve to return back to that state.

Now thats easy said but very much not easily done. I still have moments where I realize after the fact i was isolating and falling into bad habits. Like when I was abroad i remember once the guy sitting next to me said hi to me outside of the school gate and was inviting me in to come talk with everyone and i literally ran away and tripped down a flight of stairs where no one saw me, cried, and dragged my bloody knee to a pharmacy to buy a bandaid and no one batted an eye. At that moment i felt like what just happened was proof that I was awful and no one cared about me. But in hindsight that wasn't true. Those people were inviting me in and i ran away. And i wasnt a bad person for that! i just had a lot of trauma and needed some grace and time to process it!

And it took me around 3 months to muster up the courage to try again. And I mustered it a couple of ways. One of my very bad traits that I'm working on is judging others. I remember there was this guy that took the same bus as me, that had such an obnoxious Australian accent and was so Caucasian and had the audacity to just talk to anyone. And I haaaated him. But like, one day it clicked while i was being a hater, this dude legit did not know or care who i was. he had friends and did so many things i wish i could've done. I stopped seeing him but soon a similar guy appeared that was of the same type of person, and one day I talked to him. And it didnt amount to much. But it helped me get over that block. Because if i was gonna spend all that time disliking him, i wanted him to at least know who the hell i was. at least once. Not for external validation, for me. And I feel like sometimes having that awkward, scary conversation can really help.

In terms of processing and healing I really love physical journaling. It doesn't need to be fancy or coherent, but writing it down, especially before bed helps me really process whatever things are weighing me down. I like to get it out right before bed so i can go to bed with a clear mind and not have the 3am lying in bed spiral. And def try to gauge what things you can unpack and resolve with a session otherwise it can leave you worse off.

One thing that helps for me that may not work for you or others given your health situation. I think a casual low intensity amount of drinking with friends or at a bar in a safe space helps. For me being just a little tipsy makes me put my guard down and connect with others and gain confidence from small, low commitment, one off interactions with strangers. This can also be replicated Non alcoholic/substancy in like a cafe, library patio, or community setting. If you're able to find somewhere accessible to you and be a regular and say hi, get some low level interaction. When I came back home from Taiwan I made it a habit to try and say hi to people when i went for walks and just get comfortable doing that. Or I'd make small talk with checkout clerks at the grocery store and juat add a comment in. Like sometimes I'd just rehearse saying something about the weather or the week or idk, anything. And just whip it out of your back pocket. Sometimes it'll land, sometimes it wont.

Hope this is at least somewhat helpful! you've got this, we're in this together^^

[uselessheretic]

The people who are accusing Taika of queerbaiting Im like... have they watched anything he's done or been on that isn't Marvel's Homophobic Universe at any point. Like. Getting even as little rep as he's managed there is a fucking miracle considering it's Disney and still?? Looking at what he's done outside of Marvel and calling him out for queerbait is ???? Nevermind how he works other marginalized identies and stories in his work, just looking at the queer stuff it's clear this isn't a case of him maliciously using us as token rep?????

(I also dont care that he's going for Marvel work to be clear. Im going yes king get the fat paychecks and keep being weird otherwise lol but I also dont think him going "yeh it's so gay" on thor interviews is that weird since Marvel lays down the line on what they're supposed to push. This happens EVERY TIME there's a vaguely gay background extra in their movies. If you get queerbaited by a marvel movie at this point, 3 million movies in, it's on you lmao who even watches the interviews anymore)

(Reading him straight by default is also a bit weird imo as a bi woman forever getting assigned straight bc I don't like having short hair. It doesn't let me stim and people id me as a lesbian with short hair which is also not me. Whatever he's got going on is his business though!)

it's this weird contradictory thing people are doing where first they say taika built his career off of the lgbt community and by pretending to be queer, but then people realize that a lot of his personal projects don't have anything to do with sexuality (straight or otherwise) so then they switch to "taika's riding off the work of others to make himself seem more queer by doing a bare minimum amount of work on other people's projects" and these are supposed to be two concepts that exist at the same time.

and it's like... he didn't make ofmd, but he was still a huge part of it? the way he and david talk about it makes it seem like he did a lot of the preliminary work that producers usually do (since... he's a producer lol) before dropping off to focus on acting. also i know this is shocking for many people, but david jenkins is straight lmao. nobody's coming for him tho

or people are weird about him and wwdits where they ignore that he did co-create the movie (which the charas are bisexual in) and then blame him for people assuming he has a huge creative role in the tv show or is the show runner. but he's still an executive producer on it and directed some episodes? he's still supporting queer media? also jemaine clement doesn't openly id as queer either so??

god and with marvel i don't see why people are mad at him because marvel is literally sooo fucking homophobic and we know this and the fact that they were able to get that much explicit queerness into the movie is a testament to how much effort taika and tessa had to put in. the movie isn't queerbait and once that got debunked suddenly people are stuck on how he "over sold it" by dissecting him saying two words of "super gay!" like are we being serious? like on god? when we also know that they were made to take some of the gay content out from ragnarok and it's extremely likely they had to take shit out from here too. taika being vocal about needing queer representation isn't an issue 😭 people act like he's bragging about it too when if you look up anything he's said about queer rep he always talks about how it shouldn't be a big deal, but that he understands that it is and how important it is to normalize representation. also again insane to pick a quick response to a fan question to accuse him of queerbaiting than like any of the interviews he's done about the queerness in it where he's honest that they're small scenes but that he knows those small scenes mean a lot to queer audiences.

it's just! weird! and odd! and again i fucking haaaate that people are saying he's built his career off the queer community when he straight up hasn't? his work has always been centering indigenous stories and of representations of his identities. boy, hunt for the wilderpeople, and jojo rabbit aren't romances? and complaining about him doing marvel movies as if he's not allowed to get himself a quick check for when he's already said that he uses the money to fund projects that he's passionate about which includes his production studio that funds indigenous filmmakers! and the last three projects they signed onto centering indigenous creators telling stories about colonization all sound like they're going to be sooo fucking good

idk! it's just really ridiculous nfjdndnddn

[abigail]

I think I’m feeling incredibly emotional about moving tomorrow because growing up we never moved house… like I was raised in the house my parents still live in now, then when I moved down south for a year it was originally because I was going to university (but I dropped out lol) and I haaaated the people I was living with (long story short they were bullies and made my anxiety worse) so I kinda couldn’t wait to leave. then I moved back in with my parents before I moved to this place so like.. I’ve not moved around much and this is the first place that has truly been mine (and my partners ! I technically just moved in with him)

and growing up I always shared a room with my older sister and because she was older and wasn’t a fan of sharing a room with her youngest sibling she kinda made it more her room than ours.. I didn’t even keep my clothes in there because there was no space (it was literally just my bed and a few things in there, my clothes were in my parents room), so I never got to decorate it how I wanted or really express myself like that. I remember being a kid going through those catalogs at Christmas time and most kids would be circling and showing their parents all the toys they wanted but I distinctly remember looking at cute pink heart shaped wardrobes and desks and planning how I decorate the room (I was a big fan of grand designs as a child and I really loved the beginning when they showed all the floor plans - make of this what you will)

so basically, this place is the first place I’ve evert really had that’s mine, that I’ve been able to decorate how I want and get a bright orange sofa and disco balls and plants and have halloween decor up all year long because I love spooky stuff and like.. idk. it’s not been the best place to live, but it’s got a south facing bay window, it’s where my partner and I had our first kiss and it’s been my home.. I’m gonna miss it !!!!!!!!!!

[asukaskerian]

Wingfic trope, AU when characters have wings and the whole extra body language or symbolism around them? Or canon with Amnesia.

wingfic:

how likely I am to write it: somewhat likely but only for a short oneshot or other fun mood piece cause it's hard to figure what unique elements it would bring a longer story. like, daemon AU is cool because it puts character emotions into relief but if it doesn't impact events then it feels tacked on for the aesthetics. wing fic feels the same to me usually. tengu fic is different cause there's mythology and behaviors associated with that and you can have a fic with other youkai in it etc, but just the wings is not super intriguing to me. it's just "oh it's soft and pretty and you can pet it" ok and after that?

what character(s) or pairing I’d most likely write it for: uchihas with raven wings hhhh yessssssss. :3c i can't see either ichigo or grimmjow with wings, it doesn't fit their looks or power sets. ichigo with dragon wings MAYBE, but...

amnesia: how likely I am to write it: NONE AT ALL i hate it. haaaate it.

[videostak]

I HAVE TO GET BANGS SOON OR ILL diiiiiiiieee idk tho cause like im worried getting my haircut so soon will like idk fk up the curls geetting it short but like i haaaate the way my hair is well like when its not in a bun and just down like it always is but i kno itd look so cute w/ bangs fr... tho like i still dont have a job or any money so im like -_- but i feel so dopey abt my hair but think it has to stay long probs. it also looked dopey short so like i think long is the best look ultimately.