#but i miss my babies so. fh time!!

[applebees4prez]

i have so many seasons left to watch of dimension 20 and haven’t even finished the ravening war but. time for a fantasy high rewatch i guess.

[coffeeandcalligraphy]

Living Pictures | BODY BACK Update #1

A writing update??? In THIS economy???

Paying homage to my old writing updates, except we're getting 10x more self-indulgent. Let's talk about falling back in love with characters, orbital chapter structures, Harrison's messy redemption, God as memory, and of course, the first chapter of my novella, BODY BACK. With lots of excerpts of course. 😈

Post starts under the cut!

BODY BACK background:

Here's a summary if you missed the chaotic conception of BODY BACK: it's a literary fiction novella that occurs between a duology I wrote a few years ago (book 1 is Moth Work and book 2 is Feeding Habits). The duology follows two men, Lonan and Harrison, who are at the centre of a very complicated relationship.

I talked in depth about this project's conception in THIS post, but the gist is that I re-read Moth Work recently and was so enthralled by Harrison's psychology that I had to extend his story.

This was the first nugget of BB:

[ID: BODY BACK: Harrison's novella in the two months he lived in Las Vegas, 2005 (Oct-Sept, between the events of FH in 2006). Energy: bad decisions, lots of parties, self-destruction but make it glitzy. /end ID]

Logline: It’s 2005 in Las Vegas and 21-year-old Harrison is tired of routines, of gods, of men. On a mission to move past a complicated breakup, he’s about to get recklessly indulgent–and he’s come to the right place.

I'm honestly shocked, but deeply grateful to be writing this project. The last time I wrote a writing update, I'd been deeply struggling with Feeding Habits, and also hated Harrison as a character (shock!). Of course, he was still my baby, but at the time, I just could NOT crack his psychology. It took a full year to really come to terms with where he was in FH, and BB is almost an opportunity to "redo" what I wish I could've given him initially. So BB feels like a redemption for me as much as a redemption for him (albeit... he does zero redeeming in this book lmao).

I think I'm in love... with Harrison

Characterization is complicated for me. I don't think I'm particularly good at it because I have no idea how I characterize. However, BB has been such a wonderful way to fall back in love with Harrison (more than I already admire him as a fictional person in my brain lol). While I've been writing with him becoming a better person in Seventh Virtue, BODY BACK is the opposite of that. He's in his destructive era and knows it. And it's only making me love him more!

In BODY BACK, Harrison is painfully aware of who he is as a person, but simultaneously extremely destabilized in his identity. He understands he's a disaster, but also doesn't know how to be anything else (or what he was before), now that Lonan is no longer in his life. At the end of Moth Work, he willingly walked out of Lonan's life, aware this was what was best for himself. BODY BACK explores what it means to regret the "right" decision. Grey areas, wooohooo!

A smaller note that maybe only means a lot to me, but Harrison & I are the same age in this book! I've never been the same age as one of my protagonists, and maybe I'm being mushy about it, but I feel like I really... get where he is right now. We've always been similar (except he's you know... much cooler than me), but it feels like a real blessing to see him in this state (lmao *fucked up*) while also this age.

Living Pictures

We open BB with "Living Pictures," which is about Harrison perceiving his life as separate from himself, a carefully constructed veneer that he's merely watching.

Thematically, "Living Pictures" is about falsities and also how easily people can fall into--and be trapped by--roles. Harrison also thinks a lot about gods, which is interesting for his psychology because he's an atheist. However, his contemplations of God are deeply rooted in what God means to Lonan, who's an ex-Catholic. I've had a lot of fun exploring these themes also as an ex-Catholic. It's been quite cathartic to recall my memories of God, project them onto Harrison through Lonan, and then have him bastardize them.

The title comes from the literal translation of the phrase "tableau vivant" which appears in the opening paragraph.

Scene A:

Harrison floats fully-clothed in a pool that belongs to a wealthy couple. He is jaded and also thinking about God.

Scene B:

Harrison describes the couple who own the house/pool. The man is a realtor, and the woman stays at home mostly, but walks dogs on the side.

Scene C:

Harrison contemplates his "easy" Las Vegas life since moving in with his mother, Suzanna.

Scene D:

Flashback: Harrison recalls drawing his new sort-of boyfriend, Jeremiah.

Scene E:

Harrison describes his vices (smoking and his ex, Lonan lmao, comparable)

Scene F:

Harrison recalls a recurring dream/nightmare of his aforementioned ex.

Scene G:

Distracted by the dream, Harrison is caught by the couple. The man seems unimpressed by him, though the woman (Sadie), perhaps realizing how young he is, invites him inside for tea.

Scene H:

Harrison observes the couple's "catalogue" home while Sadie makes tea.

The writing process & orbital structures

This first chapter took about two weeks to draft start to finish. Total word count is at about 3k. The scenes are very short, almost like vignettes!

Across MW and FH and BB, I use what I call an "orbital plot structure." I've been using this method for years now for this particular duology.

Essentially, we have a core theme (the "satellite") that every single scene "orbits" around. Here's a horrific drawing of what that visually looks like in my head:

Instead of thinking as these chapters as a three-act structure, I think about them on a deeply thematic level. What is the core of this chapter, and how does every single scene lead back to that core theme?

If this diagram is unreadable, dw, I'll make a video explaining this soon, LOL.

Excerpts

I've shared a number of these, but enjoy this repeated content! Also this is... most of the chapter LOL. I'm going for this extremely shimmery prose style to mimic Harrison's mindset.

Here's the opening scene, which is... the best opening I have ever written LMAO. CW: blasphemy??? So sorry.

Harrison doesn’t need a god. Fully clothed in a stranger’s pool, he pities people who do. So what if he’s alone? The sunless sky is carbonated with stars, another stranger’s backyard smelling like burned cedarwood and marijuana. And he likes it here, star-fished on water that doesn’t belong to him, inventing constellations while someone else’s cigarette hangs from his lip. What god could manage this miracle? Take this drowsy tableau vivant: a man cloaked both by the sky’s navy and his own jacket’s leather, his eyes as wide as spoons. Harrison is fine art and God isn’t. He wins.

Here's a chunk of Scene B:

This isn’t the first time he’s done this. This means a couple of things: 1) challenging God and all his righteousness, and 2) breaking into the pools of wealthy suburbanites. The latter really isn’t that hard. Since mid-September, he’s stalked the houses plotted along Paradise and learned routines. This is even easier—people who fringe their homes with crisp lawns often stick to the same schedule. The pool he floats in belongs to a young couple. The man works real estate according to the signs Harrison’s seen of his face peppered around the neighbourhood. He’s wondered if that’s ever humiliating, to constantly see pixelated versions of yourself everywhere. But that doesn’t matter. His wife walks dogs in her free time, which means always. Last week, Harrison watched her jog with a vizsla, and just yesterday she spent the morning on their gable-roofed veranda brushing a wispy Alaskan malamute.

Here's the entirety of Scene C (CW: suicidal ideation):

Technically, everything in Harrison’s life is easy. He lives in an easy apartment, sleeps on his mother’s easy chesterfield, eats over easy eggs for breakfast, watches easy infomercials every night from midnight to 3:00AM. (Technically, the infomercials aren’t necessarily easy because he watches them in French without subtitles, but it’s entertaining to make up slogans: Cut Away Your Problems with Our Wrapping Paper Cutter! Yeehaw!, so he doesn’t really mind.) And he’s grateful for this, how unassuming his life has become barely a month after Lonan. Perhaps this is how he views things, in two simple parts—not Before Christ, but Before Lonan, which now that he considers it, might be the same thing. Anyway. Before his fawny portrait face, just like Renaissance men in oil on canvas. Before his blunt hands. Before his raven hair, glassy as dark water. Now there’s only one place left to go: after. And how can Harrison complain? His easy mother has insured his easy sedan which means he could get around the city easily if he wanted to. She’s even offered to use her easy money to set him up in his own easy apartment— “Imagine the view!” she’d said as a selling point. And Harrison did. As Suzanna unclogged the kitchen drain, he painted an easy coastline in watercolour and surrendered to the image of his easy, independent life. Easy trees like the date palms pinched against this couple’s home. Easy skies, never a cloud in an easy haven of blue. Easy walk to an organic farmer’s market for easy pancetta if he wants it, or easy cinnamon butter that he has no purpose for, so eats straight from the jar. Easy morning coffee in an easy alternative garden right out his back door, easy sand where there should be golden columbine, easy gravel where there should be soil. And the easy neighbours to greet—them going, “Hello!” and then him going, “Hello!”

Harrison doesn’t like easy. He’d rather walk all the way back to Brooklyn with nothing but an empty backpack and a sleeve of cigarettes, scale a silverish high-rise with his bare hands, struggle onto the vacant roof, stare out at the blinking, vulgar city, then climb onto the building’s railings, let the wind ripple his jacket, his hair, and jump right off.

Here's some of Scene D, ft. Jeremiah:

The cigarettes belong to another man. As Harrison sucks its filter, blowing out remaining plumes of smoke, he’s enthralled by him. Skin velveteen, hair always tediously puffed like dandelions. Jeremiah is more than a man in Harrison’s eyes, the way he speaks like a cross between the frontman of a nineties alternative band and John the Baptist. “You’ve got the soul of a cypress,” he said once, while Harrison sketched the fake rhododendron perched on Jeremiah’s nightstand. He crouched lower over his sketchbook, fingers blackened by a slim rod of charcoal.

This is also from Scene D, ft. Harrison being an Artiste. Screaming at the last line:

Jeremiah quirked a brow, his smile dopey like his glazed eyes, but didn’t move. He could’ve been one of those tawny art mannequins, flat-faced, poseable. But he was so much more than that. As Harrison approached him, setting his sooty hands on his chin, shifting it slightly to the left, pushing his ring finger slightly up so it eclipsed the koi’s eye, his silver signet ring pinging a circle of light onto the opposite wall, Harrison understood Jeremiah wasn’t just a model. More than a man, yes, but not a god either—the creator’s creator, maybe, or perhaps a private natural wonder meant only for this room. Or maybe he was just beautiful, and that was enough too.

Harrison continues to reflect about God (also CW: blasphemy!!!):

In the pool, he doesn’t look at the moon because how cliché would that be? So what if it’s a wide bend in the sky like the parenthesis of cantaloupe his mother ate for breakfast this morning? So what if it looks also like a good bite in a wrist, molars and all? He’s not in this pool to be poetic. He doesn’t care about godly creations, miracles, divine epiphanies. Sure, God said let there be light, but why should Harrison give a fuck? He’s not a romantic. He’s not a dreamer. Not anymore.

This is the entirety of Scene F, which is a direct continuation from the above. I love how the "dreaming" element is immediately brought over.

There’s this one dream though. It hovers over him nightly, a thorny memory warmed by sun. He holds a face like a sculptor holds a brick of clay. This is a face he knows. A face he loves. Soft light dredges both their jaws, firm and ready to rear into the other’s, two animals feeding, or laughing, or breathing. Sometimes, the dreams add birdsong, sometimes a black cat named Beatrice who mews in the corner. Sometimes, the face’s hands become Harrison’s hands, and he searches for his own pinkie to find someone else’s. They don’t need to touch more than this. Even as the sun hazes the room gold, looking is more than enough. Are there mirrors in his eyes? Harrison isn’t always certain. Is he a mirage? He could be—a chromized distant object. He’s a masterpiece in some moments, a man growing into soapstone, buffed marble. Sometimes he’s haloed like Jesus in citrine stained-glass portraits. A saviour, mid-ascension, a shadow of flesh. But sometimes he’s just there, wide-eyed, a simple body. In those cases, Harrison wakes up screaming.

This is from the beginning of Scene G:

Sure, he is a floaty man in this pool, his clothes bloomed around him. He could be petals of blood dispersing in open water, or the unspooling ribbon on a Maypole. His cigarette has burned down nearly to his knuckle, smoke chalk white and feathery like cirrus clouds.

Just going to leave this extremely Lonancore excerpt here:

And then a voice. At first he thinks it might be Lonan’s. One of the last things he’d said: How long will you be gone? Gone. How easily Harrison had stood in that apartment, aware of what he’d do just like he was aware of the mouth Lonan had touched the night before, the palms Lonan had imprinted with his own like Eucharist imprints a tongue before being swallowed.

(????? bruh ???)

This paragraph continues the previous:

And then he’s gasping on water, and there’s the voice again, and it’s not a friable whisper but a shout. “Who the hell are you?” it’s saying over and over again, a godless prayer, except scratch that—when God speaks, he does it with violence.

And the end of Scene G:

Harrison is dragged out of the water by the realtor like he’s a plastic bobber attached to the end of a hook. His cigarette butt smolders in his hand, curlicues of white trimming the tarry night. On the concrete pool deck, he coughs water, the world spitting around him like a skipping VHS. His soaked hair drips into his eyes, down his mouth, half his weight bent on his wrist, his waterlogged jacket heavy like a body on his shoulders.

The man’s got a bony hand hooked around his collar and hides his struggle to let go with more shouting, something about grabbing a home phone, about police, about changing the locks. Really, Harrison should care more, but he’s focused on the man’s drawn face. He looks different than he does in his signs around the neighbourhood, his thin mouth clefted, his hair mousy without its Dippity Do shell. Did his wife fall in love with him, or the glossy image in the ads?

The man is trying to yank him up by the arm, manages to get halfway before Harrison says, “You’re the guy in the ads,” his voice hoarse as he wipes a hand over his slack mouth. And this must be surprising to him because the man immediately loses his grip. Harrison could ask him about that—why expect not to be noticed if your face is everywhere?

“What did you say?” asks the man. What’s his name? Something generic, but with an edge. Trevor Slade. Sean Horton. Brody Spencer. A gingery light pulses behind his head—a lamppost from the street. Harrison pants like one of the woman’s dogs. If he were a dog breed, which one would he be? Mastiff, German shepherd, golden retriever? He’s about to ask when the woman speaks first.

She’s got that same rainy look in her eye from before, a pointed pity that’s soft at the edges like highlight bloom. “Do you want to come inside for some tea?” 

In Scene F, Harrison dangerously flirts with the idea of being punched in the face:

“I like your place,” Harrison says, pinching the ceramic kitten that sits on the coffee table. This isn’t a lie unlike everything else he’s told them—his name is Harold Fraser, and the number Sadie dialed into their home phone is his personal assistant’s, not his mother’s. In here, the walls are tangelo orange, each entryway arched instead of severely right-angled. Suz would like the warm wood, the army of rubbery philodendrons on the windowsills. Harrison cranes his finger up the kitten’s paw, as if shaking its hand. Across its domed belly, translucent letters: JESUS IS STILL THE ANSWER.

“Don’t break that,” says the man, whose name is actually Nash Baker.

Harrison quirks a brow, his mouth twitchy. In five minutes, he’ll need another cigarette. “Family heirloom?”

“Do you take any sugar?” asks Sadie, perhaps at the right time because Nash Baker’s fist is agitating like a fighter fish’s tail through water. Harrison wouldn’t blame him if he did punch him in the face—to be frank, that would be the most interesting thing to happen to him all week.

Harrison relates to Sadie's apparent feelings of being trapped in a picturesque life:

Sadie walks dogs, sure, but what else does she do? A beaded tapestry of a blue heron hangs in the foyer—did she make it? The bird’s eye is onyx black, something unfurling there—maybe the urge to spear a minnow, maybe just deadness. If Sadie didn’t make it, what did she do in this house? Nearly everything is handmade but certainly purchased—the pottered mugs shaped like seasonal fruit that she vigorously plops teabags into, the rust Chobi rug that snags under Harrison’s socks, the ringed vases fluted with dead baby’s breath. How does she know life in this catalogue home? Besides the numbing daily walks with dogs, the repetitive brushings. She’s as fucked as he is, isn’t she? Trapped in this living picture.

And finally, another mildly blasphemous excerpt! We return to the "easy" metaphor from above.

Tomorrow, Harrison will again wake up in Suz’s easy apartment, eat her easy turkey bacon, drink an easy cup of dark roast. He’ll do this for the rest of his life, probably. For Yours is the kingdom, and the power, and the glory, forever and ever, amen. Harrison’s got no kingdom. The best he can do is steal Jeremiah’s cigarettes, float in an aquamarine pool that doesn’t belong to him any more than Lonan’s aquamarine eyes ever belonged to him. He’s got no more power than a dead car battery, no glory. That’s right. Forever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever amen.

Harrison, basically:

And that's it! Chapter two is going to contain the trigger into destruction territory, so look out for update #2!

Rachel

[x3rrorx]

You are a whole celebrity what the fuck😭 ok ok so any advice when meeting these musicians cause I hang out often at concerts but don’t have the courage to talk to any of them like how do you even start a conversation

This is another long one 🖤

I am someone who has fear of missing out (fomo) so I am early to arrive and last to leave. And I feel that’s helped in some cases 😂

I am also someone who sucks at starting conversations and have grown up extremely anxious and shy. Going to concerts I’ve had to grow out of that shell if I wanted to actually enjoy my time. I am still pretty shy and I am worse at interacting with them on social media. I never wanna be a bother to them.

I mentioned in the post Framing Hanley was probably the first band I really conversed with. They made it easy for me cause they were at the booth to meet fans and they initiated the conversation.

I don’t really know how to guide you into having conversation but I just try to be humorous in what I say to keep them a little bit engaged.

After shows if you see an artist at the merch booth or just hanging out around the venue/tour bus, whatever, just go up to them (when you see they aren’t surrounded and busy) and say you enjoyed the show, mentioned something you enjoyed, try to be engaging.

Sometimes it’s a quick “I enjoyed the show” and that be that. Sometimes they’re just super busy and you just gotta be able to read if they’re engaging more or trying to move along. Be respectful on both parts.

Depending on how long of a line there is, or how many people are surrounding the artist(s), if there’s not a lot of people, I will hang back until I’m the last one so then I’m more prone to having more time to talk with them. If there is a lot of people waiting to talk, might not be able to have that chance if you wait for everyone.

Don’t go up to them freaking out. Chill your mind. Calm yourself. I understand being excited, like I mentioned with Framing Hanley, I was geeked the fuck out but you gotta hold that in until you’re alone 😂

After meeting Noah the first time and got the photo with him, I was acting chill. He walked away and I turned to the other fans that got a photo with him and geeked out with them about it and then got in my car and let it all out.

Treat them like normal people, cause they are.

(FH is my best example for everything, sorry) One guitarist just released a solo album and I congratulated him on that and that struck up its own conversation. The other guitarist had just had a baby and posted on his IG, when I saw him at the show I congratulated him on the new baby.

So engage in what other things they’ve posted about. But… respectfully. I congratulated him on the baby but I wasn’t gonna continue to talk about the baby or his personal life. Like I wouldn’t ask what the baby’s name is or personal details.

Engage with them but also understand that there is a line of being a fan and acting like you know them. That’s why I say I’m acquaintances with some of the bands, I’d love to call them my friends but that would probably be me being more so parasocial. I don’t know them like that.

Not sure if any of this helps. It’s also my way of doing it, I’m sure others have their way. All in all… be respectful and don’t force the conversation. If they’re busy, see and understand that. If they’re visibly uncomfortable don’t keep pushing. Sometimes artists don’t want to be your “friend” and you gotta also accept that.

[fire-and-swan]

Picking up from my previous post, let's jump into Episode 5 of a Starstruck Odyssey!

Live-blog of watching a battle episode is probably gonna be a little more spotty than the ones before, but we'll see.

Because yes, I can admit it, this is turning into a live blog. Blow by blow, here we go.

Surprised it took this long to suggest shifting the slug to another body.

Double nat ones. Always great when that happens (sarcastic). (Now I'm wondering, how many spare sets of dice do they travel with? Cos I know I have a few, but unless I'm running the game, I leave most of them home.)

Eleven hp total? Heck.

17.5 ft off the ground?! That's a jump and a half.

Save Gunnie from further damage, yes. Fewer expenses is better.

Why is it always Murph Brennan makes roll for arrival of NPCs? It made sense in FH, but now? Is this because of the running joke that is Murph's rolls, or just the cool parallel of it? (Especially since they need these folks to show up, just for a very different reason than the first time.)

Only in this game is taking the time, mid battle, to sort things out with your bank a good use of time.

If I had a penny for every time a D20 character took a moment mid battle to sort out their finances, I'd have two pennies. Which isn't bad, but it's weird that it's happened twice.

"In this galaxy, there's always less going on than meets the eye. Many people are coming after you, but they're not all coming after you all, and they don't all know the same stuff, and they don't all talk to each other. Information is currency, and you understand currency." That last sentence is gold. But I grabbed it in context because the crew have a lot of enemies, and if their enemies team up, they'll be in serious trouble.

#BeardsleyBlessed

When the party is more concerned about damage to a little flying scooter than the PC riding it. Barbarians rock, man.

Gunnie is baby? Gunnie can lose his legs. Oh, that is a weird mental image.

Nine of them at once! Yesss. Go Murph!

Banking in the Box! Surprisingly good move.

"I don't wanna fight you." "I don't wanna fight me either."

"Murph would've allowed it. He's a good dm." Murph's reaction, the moment before he gave in and agreed, would say otherwise.

Nat 20! These are the moments to save 20s for. And they got Brennan to kiss the die. Yeah, I wouldn't be rolling with that one in a desperate situation until I'm sure it'll behave.

"That's a pretty neat trick." "Oh, that was just a bonus action." I love the idea that some of these phrases are actually being used in universe, just by the sorts of people who move in particular circles.

Warfare Whitney is on the board! All we're missing now is Barry Nine (and someone with something against Riva), and we'll have the whole set.

Some parties toss halflings, here we toss mercs.

I wanna read that Hot Exit Binder. Sounds like it would be fascinating.

Five star review? Five Star Review!

Damn, that was fun. I had to split the episode in half to get through some other stuff, which was a shame, but eh *shrugs*. Between this and the previous episode they are seeding so many potential plot threads.

I'm starting to get the feeling that Brennan doesn't have a big-bad planned for this season, but rather four or five potential big-bads, with the final battle being determined by how the group play, and who they've already allied with/defeated by the time they get there. Which, if that's the direction this is going, would be cool.

[fictionfromafar]

My favourite Crime fiction novels in Translation from 2020

Whatever 2020 has thrown at us, it has certainly given us more time to read!

Before listing my favourite books published in 2020, here is a mention of some of the older books that I have enjoyed this year:

The Fragility Of Bodies – Sergio Alguin (Argentina)

The Shadow Of The Wind – Carlos Ruiz Zafon (Spain)

Miss Smila’s Feeling For Snow – Peter Hoeg (Denmark)

The Undesired - Yrsa Sigurdardottir (Iceland)

Baby Blue – Pol Koutsakis (Greece)

Red April – Santiago Roncagloilo (Peru)

Endgame – Ahmet Altan (Turkey)

The Body Snatcher – Patricia Melo (Brazil)

The Good Son - You-Jeong Jeong (South Korea)

Havana Fever - Leonardo Padura (Cuba)

The Lady Killer - Masako Togawa (Japan)

Entanglement - Zygmunt Milosewski (Poland)

Snare - Lilja Sigurðardóttir (Iceland)

The Defensiveness - Kati Heikkapelto (Finland)

Three Days And A Life - Pierre Lamaitre (France)

The Winter Queen - Boris Akunin (Russia)

Back Up - Paul Colize (Belgium)

Death of a Red Heroine - Qui Xiaolong (China)

Smaller and Smaller Circle - FH Batacan (Philippines)

Three, An Imperfect Number - Patrizia Rinaldi (Italy)

So due to the above list and more, it took me a while to get really started in 2020. The following 10 novels are at the timing of writing, each but one I have already reviewed, so my favourite reads published this year:

The Silence Of The White City by Eva García Sáenz, translated by Nick Caistor, Vintage Crime / Black Lizard (Spain)

A captivating read about twin murders in the Basque Country – this novel gives a strong location setting, history, intrigue, convincing characters and a great whodunit!

The Man In The Woods by Ilaria Tuti, translated by Ekin Oklap, Weidenfield & Nicholson Orion (Italy)

Set in the Italian Alpes this novel features both a unique lead detective and a unpredictable and wild perpetrator.

The Coral Bride by Roxanne Bouchard, translated by David Warriner, Orenda Books (Canada)

Set in a remote fishing community in Quebec, this is a captivating read in an enchanting setting.

The Creak On The Stairs by Eva Björg Ægisdóttir, translated by Victoria Cribb, Orenda (Iceland)

Such an accomplished debut novel, set in a small town in Iceland

The Lost and The Damned – Olivier Norek, translated by Nick Caistor, MacLehose Press (France)

The first volume of the Banlieues Triology featuring Captain Victor Coste of the Parisian violent crime unit. Review coming soon

The next five as as follows:

Summer of Reckoning by Marion Brunet, translated by Katherine Gregor. Bitter Lemon Press (France)

Betrayal by Lilja Sigurðardóttir, translated by Quintin Bates, Orenda Books (Iceland)

Like Flies From Afar by K. Ferrari, translated by Adrian Nathan West, Canongate (Argentina)

Mexico Street by Simone Buchholz, translated by Rachel Ward, Orenda Books (Germany)

Sword by Bogdan Teodorescu, translated by Marina Sofia, Corylus Books (Romania)

Special mentions also for Hurricane Season by Fernanda Melchor – Fitzcarraldo Editions (Mexico) and The Fox by Solveig Palsdottir (Iceland)

I’ve still more books to review from 2020, among this pile are some you may see reviewed soon.

Here is a list of most of 2020's releases available through Bookshop.org

So it’s far from out with the old and in with the new. Happy Hogmanay!

[jq37]

The Report Card -- Fantasy High Sophomore Year Ep 1

Sophomores and Spring Break 

Note: Hey guys! I decided to try something a little bit different and slightly more structured than my usual recaps for FH: Sophomore Year. I’m hoping this will be a little easier for me and a more useful tool for keeping up to date since there will be a lot more eps to keep track of and they’ll be easier to miss. Lemme know what you think and if you want raw, unfiltered opinions on anything specific, feel free to send me an ask. I’m always down to go off about literally whatever. 

We’re back, baby! It is Sophomore Year at Aguefort and the gang is on Spring Break. A lot is going down so lemme break it down. The Bad Kids, having defeated Kalvaxus last year, are all entitled to a share of his hoard and all the red tape is finally cleared so they all get 20k gold each (which is an insane amount of money converted to USD if you use the WOTC conversion rate of a gold coin being around $145 (circa 2006 when they answered the question)--which would be close to $330 with inflation). Jawbone and Sandra-Lynn are moving in after less than a year into a profoundly haunted house and it’s kind of a Full House situation because Adaine, Fig, Kristen, and Tracker all officially live there (plus it seems that Zayn has also anchored himself to Adaine’s tower--btw, Adaine took the tower that the haunted house obviously has) and you know all the other Bad Kids are gonna be there on the regular. 

More importantly, Aguefort gives the gang their big project for the year--finding the crown of the Nightmare King which was stolen at the end of last season--which is worth 60% of their grade (Adaine does a full Hermione at this information). Each of the gang has info about the NK but the trail has mostly gone cold. Luckily, Fabian just got a hot tip about where Falinel is keeping Aelwyn and she seems like a pretty good lead to start with since she was super tied up in the bad side of all the messiness of last year. Adaine is displeased to say the least. 

Going off to find the crown is super exciting story-wise for two reasons. First of all, it means the gang gets to hire, well, hirelings to help them and temporarily join the party! They ping basically every cool NPC they can think of (except for Tracker for some reason which is BONKERS because (1) she probably would have done it for free and cutting her in would still be keeping the money in the family, (2) she’s dope as hell, (3) she’s a cleric and the party can always use more healers, (4) she’s a werewolf so presumably she has skills that would help in the woods, and (5) they’re t r a c k i n g down a crown and the girl’s name is literally T R A C K E R, but I will not backseat D&D) and eventually end up with Ragh (who has been without an adventuring party all year, poor guy), Sandra-Lynn (swayed by a nat 20 rolled by Fig), Cathilda (!?) ,and, for some reason, Gilear (which Fabian is happy about, mainly for the opportunity to maybe bump him off on the way). Second of all, if you recall, Elmville is a pretty modern town but the rest of the continent is less fantasy high, more high fantasy. Horses and lanterns and all that pseudo-medieval goodness. They are gonna stick out like a sore thumb. I am very here for it. 

Everyone goes home to rest up but, after some ominous dreams, only four of them wake up. Riz and Fig are left asleep and then Brennan mic drops and ends the episode which is a power move and I am extremely upset about it but also, respect. Right for the jugular immediately. I heard Murph and Emily are on tour in the UK next week which probably has something to do with this but, in the moment, I did not know that and I really felt the hammer drop in my heart. It was wild. Cannot wait to see where we go from here. Plus, who doesn’t love watching characters freak out because their friends are in danger?

Random Thoughts

I have no idea what the title of this episode is or if it’ll even have one and not a number but I gave it a placeholder one for now. I also don’t have access to the stream yet so I didn’t get to include some info I wanted to (like a record of nat 20s, and nat 1s so I can track their stats for the school year) and I probably missed some stuff because my brain can only hold so much info guys. I’m not Brennan. 

I mentioned this yesterday during the stream, but there will never be anything better than the pure D&D joy of everyone, in character, talking over each other to clown on each other. They get the friend-group banter that’s a hair breadth’s away from bullying so true to life and it’s so fun to watch. On the flip side, the opening scene with everyone introducing themselves and affirmatively claiming each other as their best friends was also peak D&D. Found family= best trope. 

Fig and Adaine burn spell-slots at basically the same time to try and beat each other to the best room in the (Scooby-Doo ass) house--which is exactly the kind of thing that would happen in this world. It’s such an intuitive setting. I love it so much. (BTW, Fig ends up staying in the false space under the revolving grand piano because, of course).

Fabian and Gorgug went to recruit Ragh, who assumed they were propositioning him for a three-way. In his defense, they did do it in a super proposition-y way and they were in the middle of the LGBTQ student union.

Also, Gorgug gives Ragh an inspiring speech about thinking you’re your own dad which makes him burst into tears. 

Speaking of, Jawbone offhandedly says he’s poly but, like, based on some of the stuff he’s said, I feel like that’s not really a reveal. He also gets along well with Gorthalax and would be down w/ a three-way if Sandra-Lynn wanted to which, again, totally checks out. 

Arthur Aguefort uses Chronomancy to rewind time and catch a snide comment Adaine made under her breath, which is exactly the kind of frivolous use of God-like power I’d expect from him.  

I really love Adaine’s energy coming into this season. She’s in therapy. She’s in a good home environment. She’s comfortable enough with her friend group to do stuff like prank Fig (love that they’re gonna be living together now). And she’s good friends with Zayn now which I want to see more of based on their one interaction in this ep which was very cute. I am already on record as saying I would be down with her getting a ghost boyfriend--I mean, for the aesthetic alone--but I’d be happy with just more friendship. 

Fabian is also hilarious this season because you can tell he’s gone a bit soft from having friends and leaning into that (the friendship necklace with Riz) but also he’s fully aware that it’s happening so he’s, like, ping-ponging back and forth like, “These are my friends,” and, “What am I saying? I used to be cool,” and it’s very funny. Very happy the Aelwyn storyline is happening right out of the gate, both because I think Aelwyn is a very interesting character with a lot of potential for nuance but also because Fabian reacting to her and Adaine reacting to Fabian reacting to her is always gold. 

Prompted by an offhand conversation from Fig about rock and roll, Brennan--earning another feather for his Cap of God Tier DMing--goes on an impromptu five minute long improved diatribe about a bard who played such a good concert that it instantly impregnated everyone in attendance (dudes too) who gave birth to kids with sick rocker hair and denim jackets and ascended to Rock Heaven on their 18th Birthday. You truly have to watch it to believe it. At a certain point I thought he was gonna drop it but that was the moment he doubled down and kept going. Amazing. 

Watching Murph, in real time, make up a girl/boy/whateverfriend in Fantasy Canada was a gift. 

I don’t have access to the stream yet but best quote of the night that I can remember is Kristen choosing her room: This is triggering and I’ll take it. (Her line about her lesbian starter kit and the one about wanting a horse were also bangers). 

The group talks about what they’re going to do for transportation outside of Elmsville since they don’t really use cars out there and they somehow get from “disguise Fig’s tour bus” to “commission Aguefort to create a brand new animal that can hold six people plus hirelings, one of which is Fabian who is also riding his motorbike”.

I love that Sandra-Lynn’s Mom Powers work on Tracker. 

Basrar doesn’t accept the invitation to come with on the quest, but he does give Kristen a bag of infinite ice cream sandwiches, which is basically just as good, IMO. 

Oh Gilear. The man is sleeping in the Seacaster garage, being bullied by skater kids, and now he’s stuck on this quest with his ex and Fabian who actively wants him dead.  

Speaking of, I’m psyched to see more of Sandra-Lynn. She was kind of a sleeper badass at the end of last season. 

Ragh is keeping secrets which I hope the cast doesn’t forget because it could be nothing serious (like the high school drama happening with Skrank and the 7 maidens--maybe he’s just crushing on Gorgug who did full kiss him during Promocalypse) or it could be Serious Business that will blow up if the don’t stay on top of it. We’ll see. 

Oh, almost forgot. Adaine wants an emotional support frog. Every time I think I can’t love her more.   

Detention

Fig for Not Respecting Personal Boundaries

Fig goes full Emily right out the gate and, after finding out that Skrank (nerdy bird dude who apparently can get it) was not only dating Ostentasia (rich, popular dwarf) but also dumped her in pursuit of Danielle Barkstock (one of Ostentasia’s party members, the scandal), disguises herself as him with Danielle to figure out what’s going on. And, wouldn't you know it, when she gives herself away, Danielle immediately is shocked and appalled, as you would be, obviously. We also learn that she’s still catfishing Dr. Asha which is, how you say, for sure a crime. Fig, please, I’m begging you. Cease. 

Honor Roll

Fig, Riz, and Adaine for Researching the Nightmare King

Fig made both lists, look at that. Wasn’t my plan for this to be a three-way tie (also didn’t expect to use the word “three-way” this many times in this writeup) but I think their contributions were pretty much equally valuable. Rainsolo on the Discord wrote up this summary of the lore dump Brennan gave them.

[saharkhcury]

hi hi! it me, leonie ( mariangel && luna ), with my third and final character that i definitely DID NOT need but... like... here we are. if you’d be interested in plotting, feel free to leave a like and i’ll come to you ( baymax vc; i am not fast ) or message me on here or over on discord ( emeravdes#9932 ). @frostfordstart​

TRIGGERS: ISLAMOPHOBIA, BULLYING, PHYSICAL ASSAULT

full name: sahar adara khoury

nicknames: literally none

birthday: july 20th

current age: thirty

sexuality: heterosexual

born and raised in frostford because i clearly don’t like originality.

her father moved to the us from lebanon during a time of war and moved around to different states looking to get adjusted until he somehow ended up in frostford where he met her mom.

they had her older sister, her and her baby sister in the process.

the khoury’s are muslim - her mother converted to it after marrying her father - and it’s not exactly something that has made sahar’s life all that easy.

growing up, she knew that there would be a day where she’d have to soon cover herself and wear a hijab as a symbol of her faith and she didn’t really think it was that big of a deal. her mother - a former christian woman - had adapted lovely so why couldn’t she when she’d been raised muslim? it felt like a piece of cake.

however, it was NOT a piece of cake because she really saw the close-minded spirit of the towns people come out once she was in those shoes.

when she showed up almost suddenly with a hijab at the start of eighth grade, it was incredibly overwhelming to sit in a classroom and deal with the watchful eye of people who didn’t (at the time) understand what it all meant. teachers did their best to keep students attention away from her but that didn’t really happen.

she was the victim of a lot of rude comments, people telling her that if it wasn’t such a big deal she should take off the hijab to prove that they were right.

 obvs she did no such thing which meant that the verbal onslaught continued. 

this led to her crying often when she got home and wondering why people could be so mean when once upon a time, they’d wanted to be her friend.

with the help of her older sister, things got better and she no longer felt ashamed and like she had to hurt over something that she knew wouldn’t matter in the end; people’s opinions.

she grew to love herself and everything about being muslim up until one day her and her older - ages 17 and 19 at the time - went on a little trip to tuscaloosa and were met with some extremely closed-minded individuals who felt the need to harass them when the girls just wanted to get food. things escalated into something more physical and all sahar really remembers from it is waking up in a hospital room wondering why the world was full of so much rage and hate towards things you could learn all about at a library or online.

bc of this, sahar has ptsd and has been going to therapy ever since.

due to this, she also made the choice to remove her hijab and never wear it again. something she never thought she’d do but has felt a huge relief in her heart ever since that day. 

choosing to get as far away from frostford as she could when it came to college, she settled on the university of hawaii and convinced her parents with a very long presentation on why it was the best choice.

she chose to study education with the goals of becoming a science teacher

in hawaii she fell in love with a whole different aesthetic as well as the ocean.

fast forward! and she’s twenty four and looking for her first teaching job when she saw that frostford was looking for a science teacher at FHS. she didn’t really plan on going back to frostford so quickly but she missed her family so she figured why not.

she’s been teaching there ever since!

however, she didn’t actually live in frostford the first few years that she was teaching. she lived in mobile and would commute to frostford every single day no matter what because she just didn’t want to deal with the gossip and drama of small town folk. 

ultimately, two years ago she finally chose to move back officially instead of playing to roll of elusive moose.

she is still kinda elusive bc she spends all her time at the school either figuring out lesson plans, grading things or coaching her girls. 

FUN FACTS

despite not wearing it daily, sahar wears a hijab when she knows she’s going to be around a lot of relatives & the style either this or this.

knows english (duh), spanish & arabic - all fluent. when she’s pissed off, she curses mainly in arabic. 

she did swimming in high school! which is why she chose to coach the girls varsity swim team when she started working at the high school bc she thought her old coach was gross and the girls deserved way better than what she’d gotten.

she loves all her students to pieces and at the end of every school year, she gives out a little custom bracelet to each one of the seniors so that they can remember the time in her class. find her on graduation day and she’ll even give you a cute maroon and white lei. 

is 1000% that teacher making tiktoks in her classroom when no kids are in it. will also do tiktoks w/the kids bc she loves having fun.

her tiktoks are mainly fun science activities for people to do in their home unless her students tell her to do something else.

CONNECTIONS.

i have made a page over HERE if ya wanna check it out! but here are some;

best friends

childhood friends

neighbor

exes ( she doesn’t have many i feel )

former bully/bullies? more than one? 

childhood crush

that person she dated in secret in high school bc religion ( bc like !!! )

friends w/benefits

TBH?????? I’LL TAKE ANYTHING YOU WANNA GIVE ME <3

[softgrungeprophet]

it’s that time again. time for me to be annoyed/frustrated at the comics that came in the 20-teens that simultaneously responded directly to the 2000s, followed in the 2000s’ continuation, but completely glossed over and ignored the very serious topics that were brought up. and then we get the fucking 2018 run which does NEITHER and just seeks to make it worse for shock value without being even remotely thoughtful about anything it does! wow.

we could have had some really interesting growth for eddie and the symbiote’s relationship by honestly addressing things like eddie’s illness, hypocrisy as anti-venom, his status as a victim of abuse, and so on...

of course i know if i say “eddie is a victim” people will get hissy but like.... i’m not saying he’s an innocent blameless baby who was manipulated into being the weirdo he is... i’m just saying... he’s a victim of abuse. he’s been taken advantage of a lot. almost any help he’s received has required some kind of reciprocation.

he’s a shithead and he went off the deep-end after new ways to die because remender’s version of eddie fucking sucks, he’s smug and weird and violent, and also he’s been neglected and tortured and abused and experimented on and he needs therapy and blah blah blah

he’s also not some fuckin accidental drunk driver who was hit into thinking he’s innocent. that’s so fucking--jeez. everything about these retcons donny has been doing miss the point even more than the comics he says he loves so much. it’s wild. like i don’t like new ways to die OR new ways to live, remender’s run was okay but i hated the way he wrote eddie, marvel knights spider-man just sucks in general, the hunger 03 also sucks, but like they do feed into each other in a way that.... sort of makes sense....

i just wish there was a way any of the comics would have said, “hey look there are some ways in which eddie is a victim but there are also some ways in which he needs to take responsibility for his actions”

but that kind of nuanced take is impossible for the way these comics are put out and canceled and retconned and so on forever.. it’s so ... ugh.....

the hunger 03 sucks... it also influenced over a decades’ worth of Venom comics including costa’s in its own weird way.... and i just wish we could simultaneously be like, Yes the symbiote is not inherently evil or corrupting but Also it did abuse Eddie, and Yes Eddie has been treated poorly for a great deal of his life and Also is a motherfucker who needs to be held responsible for his actions.

Is this hypocritical to be like, “can we address the 2000s” while also saying “2018 run is not valid”

in my defense even the shitty 2000s were like a continuity and didn’t try to fully retcon every single aspect of venom lore that ever existed (tho it sure did plenty of retconning....) whereas the current run... is doing exactly that....

of course this goddamn run will probably also influence the following comics unless the next writers retcon the retcons or like, ignore it and it gets put into its own earth or something. idk. like no one really counts dark origin right? and that works cause it also had a negligible influence on the rest of the comics. but like, the bad hunger had a very lasting impact on the comics. so i guess we just hope that donny cates, despite currently selling super well, does not actually influence any of the comics that come after?

i don’t fuckin know. i just think it kind of sucks that like “eddie was abused” is something that gets used as either a “lol no that never happened and if you talk about it you hate the symbiote” or else an excuse to demonize the symbiote even after its own character growth arcs in the apparently supremely unpopular gotg and space knight stuff... lol

maybe if every fucking series from 2013 to 2016 (minus costa which is honestly more 2017) didn’t get canned we could have gotten more. like honestly, 2016′s Carnage--for all its flaws--seemed like it had something to say about Eddie as a character, about his flaws and so on, and I gotta wonder where that was going. It flat out says “Venom didn’t make Eddie Brock a bastard” so like? But then at the same time all of the symbiotes in that series were completely silent so? I don’t even know.

Cullen Bunn was clearly going somewhere too but I have no idea where other than “symbiote is alive but has trouble communicating” and “eddie is coming down from his murder spree as he realizes flash thompson is in fact helping people as agent venom”

the two fit together in a very strangely complementary way. sometimes i gotta wonder about a universe in which those two comics in particular ran concurrently to address venom, flash, toxin, and eddie’s many issues. but toxin’s probably gone... though in my heart they are with jubulile and her mom in south africa, learning what it’s like to be part of a loving family...

man. the resigned “Okay.” at the end of twav...... twav good imo.

anyway

i don’t even know what the point of this is. i’m all over the place in this post. it’s frustrating that donny has made it kinda impossible to bring up eddie’s victimhood without like... qualifying it to the ends of the earth to clarify that you don’t think he’s some kind of pure cinnamon roll who’s been dreadfully manipulated for 12 years....

I feel like I’m not making any sense!!! Words are hard.

I feel like I’ve kinda been avoiding writing about the symbiote though in part because it’s hard for me to balance that many characters and in part because of Donny’s stupid bullshit, which is dumb as fuck but I guess that’s what he wanted huh!!!! Need to read Lethal Protector to cleanse my palate but it’s taking forever to get it from the library because they only have one copy.

ugh

The symbiote is not an evil creature like he wants everyone to think... goddammit.... but that doesn’t mean we shouldn’t carefully address both its and Eddie’s mistakes without fabricating new different mistakes to obscure the previous ones. Or whatever. Fuckin I don’t know lol the entirety of the continuity is just a bunch of bullshit. 80s-90s continuity largely separate from 2000-20...15ish continuity largely separate AGAIN from the 2016 continuity yet also directly tied to it, against completely separated from the 2018 continuity which is off saying “fuck you” to literally every venom writer to ever exist since Eddie’s conception, ironically including the guy who wrote the cursed hunger

What am I trying to say! I don’t know! i feel like a broken record. There’s a lot of empty space between Agent Venom and 2016 that was never filled! also between 2016 and 2018 lmfao.

Donny “everything went wrong and I’m not going to explain how other than ‘God’ and ‘Eddie lost his job cause screaming symbiote’“ Cates really pullin some shit. what do you mean eddie tends to work toward solving his own problems EVEN WHILE DYING. waid’s mini-story in NWTD showed that eddie, despite being sad and sick and exhausted was still like.... eddie, stubbornly searching out his own solutions and getting angry. ofc i’m not sure how well it succeeded at parts. the comics in those days were still pretty steeped in the weird symbiote hallucinations that it was never clear if they were meant to be caused by the symbiote or just eddie’s sick brain. like the Last Temptation. I have a love-hate relationship with those two issues... I think they’re pretty well-done but also something about them just rubs me the wrong way. 

Anyway back to Cates: it’s not like there wasn’t space for a spiral after FH or anything. You could have really dug into Eddie and the symbiote’s insecurities wrt family and parenting. but nah. let’s just make it so there’s a SECRET CHILD, and oh the pre-established sibling? we could have dug into her and made her a real character. but no, she doesn’t exist, women are either fake or dead or violated.

asshole.

but again like..... the 03 hunger, cursed and bad... like... it’s still workable. you can work with the corrupting forces, the addiction metaphor (on the SYMBIOTE’S part, with adrenaline) and the intense codependency, and still have them move on and into a healthier-by-comparison relationship.

but cates’ run is like... much harder to recover from if it has as lasting of an effect, because it leaves no part untouched, and goes beyond “normal” abuse into really weird unforgiveable territory... like the canon of that comic is the canon in which everything has been completely changed into something unrecognizable.

i joke about my AUs being unrecognizable because, visually at least, they WOULD be unrecognizable for most Venom fans, but the comics inform them as characters a lot in the stories i write in those AUs, from the 96 good hunger, to the 03 bad hunger, to space knight to venom inc, and so on. But donny cates really is out here essentially reverse-engineering retcons to justify his characterizations.

barely related: the way eddie was raised and the way he coped by overachieving and so on and so forth makes me think he would have--despite presumably gaining a great deal of confidence in college once out of his father’s home--been really vulnerable to being taken advantage of by like, other students or teachers, but idk how exactly to articulate what i mean like... uh... not even that he WAS taken advantage of but that his need for validation would have left him open to it... i guess??

that’s got pretty much nothing to do with this post though but kinda ties into what i’ve said before about how i think eddie was a withdrawn and isolated adolescent who only opened up in college. why i disagree with donny’s retcon for that reason in addition to other reasons--the way he’d been shown to be bullied as a kid in previous comics, as well as the lack of history of alcoholism, the clarification in lethal protector that carl wasn’t physical, so on and so forth.

again that’s not related to this post really... and it’s like, a good 50% headcanon, but it makes sense in my head as something that fits his history?? i guess?

[thehomierobbstark]

BP Fic Masterlist: Erik Killmonger

Update! Links are fixed!

Sup homies! In the last couple weeks I’ve gained a few new followers and i know exactly why yall here… 

ITS FOR THESE BP FICS YALL!! So no need to worry i gotchu covered, because I know my blog has turned into a fuckfest of fics and black panther related content.

So i decided to go ahead an create a masterlist for zaddy Killmonger, since thats the most common fic you’ll find here. But worry not, i’ll also be making one for my baby boy T’challa and thicka than a snicka M’baku since i got some of those too. I’ll try and link them all in the bio so you don’t have to go searching for it. SO LETS GET STARTED!

_PLEASE REMEMBER NONE OF THESE FICS ARE MINE!! I just made this masterlist so its easier to navigate without scrolling forever. These are a bunch of fics I’ve reblogged from other talented and amazing [and mostly BLACK]  writers, so go check out their blogs for more amazing content!_

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

And before any of yall have a chance to doubt ya girl, the AAVE in these fics COMES 👏🏿THROUGH👏🏿. Theres maybe only 2 that got this nigga soundin like a prep but its all love. Oh yeah i use the n-word and curse a lot so either you wid it or you not 🤷🏿

****IF YOU ARE A MOBILE USER **the best thing I can do for yall is link you to a post and have you click on whatever tag you’re looking for, then all the posts should pop up. Tested it on my iphone and it works 👍🏿

Headcanons/Imagines Tag 

(mobile: tag is headcanon ek)

Dating This Nigga

(mobile: tag is dating ek)

MF Jealous Ass 🙄

(mobile: tag is jealous ek)

Funny/Freaky

(mobile: tag is funny ek) [also includes some emotional headcanons]

 Oneshots Tag

(mobile: tag is oneshot ek)

Because there’s really only like 3 types of Erik fics, lets be real.

**Emotional/Vulnerable **- backstory and character growth is the focus

(mobile: tag is vulnerable ek)

Relationship/Domestic -  listen we know this nigga a fuckboy, but let us pretend

(mobile: tag is domestic ek)

FreakHoe Nonsense - don’t front you know why you’re really here

(mobile: tag is fh ek)

Series Fics

Braid My Shit - (mobile: tagged “title” ek)

Amber Eyes - (mobile: tagged “title” ek)

We Froze - (mobile: tagged “title” ek)

Fuck You - (mobile: tagged “title” ek)

Mistakes - (mobile: tagged “title” ek)

Leave Me - (mobile: tagged “title” ek)

The Grace of Kings - (mobile: tagged “title” ek)

I Missed You - (mobile: tagged “title” ek)

Dustiest Corner in Harlem - (mobile: tagged “title” ek)

Be Careful Sweetheart - (mobile: tagged “title” ek)

Strip Club - (mobile: tagged “title” ek)

The Library Will Be Closing In… - (mobile: tagged “title” ek)

Pray For Me - (mobile: tagged “title” ek)

Soft  - (mobile: tagged “title” ek)

Heir - (mobile: tagged “title” ek)

Beauty and the Beast - (mobile: tagged “title” ek)

Go Home Erik - (mobile: tagged “title” ek)

Niggas In Paris - (mobile: tagged “title” ek)

Matchmakers - (mobile: tagged “title” ek)

Home Invasion - (mobile: tagged “title” ek)

You Don’t Own Me - (mobile: tagged “title” ek)

Baby Time? - (mobile: tagged “title” ek)

You Don’t Know My Name - (mobile: tagged “title” ek)

The Laundromat - (mobile: tagged “title” ek)

I’m Not Afraid To Fuck A Bitch Up - (mobile: tagged “title” ek)

I Call Bullshit - (mobile: tagged “title” ek)

Don’t Make Me Regret This - (mobile: tagged “title” ek)

Across The World And Back Again - (mobile: tagged “title” ek)

Snowball - (mobile: tagged “title” ek)

The Elevator - (mobile: tagged “title” ek)

Fuckboi Troubles - (mobile: tagged “title” ek)

Knockout - (mobile: tagged “title” ek)

Body Count - (mobile: tagged “title” ek)

By Bast - (mobile: tagged “title” ek)

No Mercy - (mobile: tagged “title” ek)

Coconut - (mobile: tagged “title” ek)

Hate Speech - (mobile: tagged “title” ek)

Make The Bullshit Worth It - (mobile: tagged “title” ek)

Loyalty - (mobile: tagged “title” ek)

Unravel Me - (mobile: tagged “title” ek)

Just As Bad - (mobile: tagged “title” ek)

Consistently - (mobile:** tagged “title” ek)

Child of Mine - (mobile: tagged “title” ek)

My Dope Man - (mobile: tagged “title” ek)

Quandary - (mobile: tagged “title” ek)

Say My Name - (mobile: tagged “title” ek)

What You Need - (mobile: tagged “title” ek)

Extra Erik - (mobile: tagged “title” ek)

That Church Girl - (mobile: tagged “title” ek)

Overstimulated - (mobile: tagged “title” ek)

Codeine Flavored Kisses - (mobile: tagged “title” ek)

Champion - (mobile: tagged “title” ek)

Purposeful Naivety -  (mobile: tagged “title” ek)

Muse -  (mobile: tagged “title” ek) 

Papa Killmonger  -  (mobile:** tagged “title” ek) 

Cut From The Same Cloth -  (mobile: tagged “title” ek)

Iight Fam - (mobile: tagged “title” ek)

Plot Twist - (mobile: tagged “title” ek)

Mommy For The Night - (mobile: tagged “title” ek)

Party Time - (mobile: tagged “title” ek)

Evergreen - (mobile: tagged “title” ek)

Ring - (mobile: tagged “title” ek)

Pussy Power -  (mobile: tagged “title” ek) 

Calling All My Lovelies -  (mobile: tagged “title” ek)

Don’t Drop Me - (mobile: tagged “title” ek)

It Was Just A Joke - (mobile: tagged “title” ek)

He Ain’t Shit - (mobile: tagged “title” ek)

Laid Up - (mobile: tagged “title” ek)

You Say It’s Food For Thought - (mobile: tagged “title” ek)

Stuck Up - (mobile: tagged “title” ek)

Better - (mobile: tagged “title” ek)

I’ll Be Around - (mobile: tagged “title” ek)

Ballet Lessons - (mobile: tagged “title” ek)

Song Goes Off - (mobile: tagged “title” ek)

Personal Trainer - (mobile: tagged “title” ek)

Engagements and Bachelor Parties - (mobile: tagged “title” ek)

House Rules - (mobile: tagged “title” ek)

Doctors Orders  - (mobile: tagged “title” ek)

Princess - (mobile: tagged “title” ek)

Baby Boy - (mobile: tagged “title” ek)

Vampires Be Like - (mobile: tagged “title” ek)

The E Commandments - (mobile: tagged “title” ek)

Price List - (mobile: tagged “title” ek)

Fathers Day - (mobile: tagged “title” ek)

In My Mind - (mobile: tagged “title” ek)

Whispers In My Head - (mobile: tagged “title” ek)

Nuclear Summer - (mobile: tagged “title” ek)

The Bookstore - (mobile: tagged “title” ek)

Vampire!Erik [by @wawakanda-btch]- (mobile: tagged “title” ek)

Fumbles - (mobile: tagged “title” ek)

Bootleg Cheaters - (mobile: tagged “title” ek)

First Contact - (mobile: tagged “title” ek)

Insecure - (mobile: tagged “title” ek)

Overly Dedicated - (mobile: tagged “title” ek)

4 - (mobile: tagged “title” ek)

Summertime Love - (mobile: tagged “title” ek)

In Lust With Danger - (mobile: tagged “title” ek)

The Story of Ivy and Erik - (mobile: tagged “title” ek)

Erik and Deja - (mobile: tagged “title” ek)

You Make Your Bed - (mobile: tagged “title” ek)

Introverted  - (mobile: tagged “title” ek)

Whole Ass Parents -  (mobile: tagged “title” ek)

Blood Bound - (mobile: tagged “title” ek)

Gotta Leave You Alone - (mobile: tagged “title” ek)

Mob Boss Zaddy - (mobile: tagged “title” ek)

The Video - (mobile: tagged “title” ek)

Issa Reunion - (mobile: tagged “title” ek)

What We Used To Be - (mobile: tagged “title” ek)

Red Bottoms - (mobile: tagged “title” ek)

Dirty Little Secrets  - (mobile: tagged “title” ek)

The Tutor  - (mobile: tagged “title” ek)

Deal  - (mobile:** tagged “title” ek)

Can You Handle It  - (mobile: tagged “title” ek)

Sunday Dinner  - (mobile:** tagged “title” ek)

One Night Only - (mobile: tagged_ “title” ek_)

Hoe Ass Erik  - (mobile: tagged “title” ek)

Strawberry Shortcake - (mobile: tagged “title” ek)

I’m Cleva - (mobile: tagged “title” ek)

The Parlor - (mobile: tagged “title” ek)

Just Friends? - (mobile: tagged “title” ek)

Walls - (mobile: tagged “title” ek)

The Tradition - (mobile: tagged “title” ek)

Kitten* - (mobile: tagged “title” ek)

The Household - (mobile: tagged “title” ek)

Moon Bound - (mobile: tagged “title” ek)

Birthday Video Call - (mobile: tagged “title” ek)

Apartment Bae - (mobile: tagged “title” ek)

My New Toy - (mobile: tagged “title” ek)

Come Through and Chill - (mobile: tagged “title” ek)

You’re Mine - (mobile: tagged “title” ek)

French Inhale - (mobile: tagged “title” ek)

King of the Jungle - (mobile: tagged “title” ek)

East Atlanta Love Letter - (mobile: tagged “title” ek)

Ember - (mobile: tagged “title” ek)

On The Hotline - (mobile: tagged “title” ek)

Letters*  (mobile: tagged “title” ek)

Champion - (mobile: tagged “title” ek)

Bedwarmer - (mobile: tagged “title” ek)

Sacrifice - (mobile: tagged “title” ek)

Knock, Knock - (mobile: tagged “title” ek)

No Place Like Home - (mobile: tagged “title” ek)

Kindred - (mobile: tagged “title” ek)

Split - (mobile: tagged “title” ek)

Split 2 - (mobile: tagged “title” ek)

Thru The Phone - (mobile: tagged “title” ek)

Forbidden - (mobile: tagged “title” ek)

The Lagoon - (mobile: tagged “title” ek)

Stereotypes - (mobile: tagged “title” ek)

Is it Bad? - (mobile: tagged “title” ek)

Origin - (mobile: tagged “title” ek)

Deja Vu - (mobile: tagged “title” ek)

Not Your Girl - (mobile: tagged “title” ek)

11:37pm - (mobile: tagged “title” ek)

Catching His Eye

To Read (mobile: fics I haven’t read/tagged yet. Dis mostly fa me)

And there it is! Yall, these fics are so damn good. These writers got so much damn talent and creativity its insane. And just to show my appreciation imma shout out some of my favorite homies:

@killmongerthirst @wakanda-4evr @brianabreeze @imagine-blackpanther @black-mcu-imagines @imagineerikkillmonger @plussizeappreciationfics @pocmarvelworks @sweettea-and-honeybutter @bury-me-in-the-ocean @killmoncoochie @killmongurl @vanitykocaine @amethyst1993 @blackpantherismyish @hearteyes-for-killmonger @bartierbakarimobisson @eriknutinthispoosy @panthergodessbast @muse-of-mbaku @thickoreo @wakanda-inspired @wawakanda-btch @wifeyofnjadaka @killmvnger @sicksadgen @hidden-treasures21 @erikslulbaby @dacreskars @hoopshoney  @thadelightfulone @princessstevens

Don’t forget to let ya girl know if any of the links don’t work. Enjoy!

[nakalimutang-sumpaan]

WHY

Must I be closer to boys than I am to girls?! Like tbh, something I’ve constantly worried about about my wedding (IF I get married lol) is that I only have 2-3 girls I have in mind for my entourage. And what if my person is friendly and has a big group of boys he wants to include in his. Like I literally HOPE that my FH allows me to have boys on mine and that he has girls on his like his sisters or sibling like sister friends lol. Or that hopefully he has a couple of sisters that I get really close to so I can ask them to be on mine 😂 but tbh... I would legit ask certain boys to be on mine, man. They’ve known me for a while and know me better than some of the girls just bc they have the ability to draw me out and also talk so much and tell me everything since I’m definitely their homegirl too and they don’t see me that way which I love for the most part bc they tell me everything, even things I don’t wannnnnna knowwww hahaha. And Idk why but I’m just more outgoing and open/comfy with them and we just flow better and joke better and laugh so SO much haha. Ugh. Or maybe I just need to ask Jehovah to help me attract and befriend more girl best friends that Ima be close to for lifeee even if they are fairly new haha. Sometimes I think it’s kinda sad that I no longer have friends/girl best friends that I’ve known forever, except for Chawna. But at the same time, there are newer girls in my life that I feel like I’ve known forever but I’ve only been close to for a few years. Idk. Sometimes I miss my Macau girls who literally all stayed best friends and we used to all shower together as babies and have known each other since diaper days. I wonder if I would be part of that if we never left Macau. It’s so sweet seeing them all together and all married/engaged/dating now and still close. It sucks to not have that. Axel has that. Lowkey jealous of those who have that tbh.

[delos-mio]

FHS - Part 2 - A Frank Castle Mini Series

The next couple months were an adjustment to say the least. Living in New York again had a learning curve. At times, it was hard to believe you made it 18 years in Queens. But you were making do and learning how to live in this big of a city again. It helped that you had one true friend out here in Frank Castle. Ever since he thwarted off that fiend nearly 3 months ago by nearly popping his head off his body, the two of you had become inseparable. He’d always meet you for lunch during work or stop over late at night after work. For all the times he seemed to be at work, you still were not entirely sure what it was that he did. But that was no matter to you; he was someone you could trust in this crazy place and someone who seemed to enjoy your company.

Fall was beginning to dive into winter, snow flurries were already scattering high in the sky, but Frank was still adamant about going for long walks around the neighborhood on the weekend. The tradition had started the week after you were reacquainted when he asked if you wanted a quick tour of your new neighborhood. Of course, being low on friends and invited by a handsome man who saved your life, you eagerly agreed. In recent weeks, you tried to convince him it was getting too cold, but he simply wouldn’t hear it. He always made the excuse that Max, his faithful dog, would be so upset if you guys didn’t all take your weekly outing. When it came to Max, you were as powerless as Frank, so they won out in the end.

“At what point do we decide it’s too goddamn cold to keep doing this?” you huffed, walking a pace behind Frank, pulling your hat down tighter over your ears.

“We don’t,” he chuckled, “Max loves the snow.”

“Of course he does…” you grumbled to yourself. He slowed down a bit so he was by your side and wrapped his free arm around your shoulder.

“You know, you can say no to us if it gets too cold for ya,” he said. You looked up at him, giving him and incredulous look.

“I wanna come! I’m just a big baby,” you admitted. He dropped his hand off your shoulder and called of Max to stop pulling. It was only once his touch was gone that you realized just how much you missed it. The more time you spent with him, the more you felt yourself getting attached to him and thinking about him absentmindedly during the day. You’d wonder what he was doing or if he was happy at that moment or what he’d look like naked on top of you. Those last thoughts you had to push out of your mind as quickly as they came. Frank saw you as his friend, and he didn’t seem to have a ton of those, so you had to keep your little reveries to yourself. “Can we at least get some whiskey to warm up with after or something?” you asked, rubbing your hands together for friction.

Frank gave you a sly smile and nodded just once in agreement. He changed up the usual route slightly to make sure your path took you by Suzie’s Corner, your most beloved liquor store. The two boys waited outside as you ducked in to grab a fifth of Bushmills and an impulse purchase of tropical Skittles. You pushed back out into the cold, popping a handful of candy into your mouth. Frank stood up from crouching with Max and scoffed slightly.

“Your sweet tooth is gonna kill ya,” he said, nodding his head toward the little blue pack in your hand.

“I’m here for a good time, not a long time,” you replied with a mouth full of candy and tucked the bottle of whiskey in the inside of your coat. The three of you resumed your journey once again before finding yourself back at your door. By now, your studio had begun to feel like a home, especially when the boys came over. Frank let Max off the leash as you unbundled yourself and unscrewed the top of the bottle, taking a long pull.

“Hey, save some of that for the rest of us.”

---

The rest of the evening was spent curled up on the couch, Max snoring between you and Frank as you passed the bottle back and forth. You found yourself wishing that your and Max’s spots were switched so you could casually lean into Frank and steal some of his never-ending body heat. He was watching the snow begin to fall harder outside, tiny white flakes dancing down and catching on your small balcony that led out to the fire escape. It felt like you could just sit and watch him for hours. The way his broad chest would rise and fall, how his jawline cut like a knife through his ever-present stubble; everything about him commanded your attention completely.

“Truth or dare?” you asked abruptly. Frank turned to face you and raised an eyebrow.

“Are we 13 again?” he joked, crossing his arms over his chest.

“C’mon, indulge me. Truth or dare?” You took another drink before handing the bottle back. He considered his options for a moment before answering.

“Truth.”

“Have you ever killed anyone?” you asked.

“Yes.”

“How ma—“ but Frank had already cut you off.

“I thought you can only ask one question at a time, hmm?” he teased, watching as you closed your mouth. “Truth or dare?”

“Truth.”

“Do you only hang out with me because you’re scared of being alone after what happened?”

“Jesus Christ, Frank! No!” you scoffed. “I mean, am I confident you’d kick anyone’s ass who looked at me funny? Yes. But I really like spending time with you.” He nodded his head with a small smile. “How many people have you killed?”

“A lot.”

“A lot like ten? Or a lot like a hundred?”

“A lot,” he repeated a little more forcefully. “You ever been in love?”

“You didn’t ask truth or dare,” you chided, taking another pull off the bottle. “Once. Have you?”

“Once.”

“What happened?”

“We got married, had a family,” he responded. You felt your chest tighten and the air leave your lungs. Of all the responses you thought he may give, that was not one of them. The idea of Frank as a husband and father made your heart swell and burst. You couldn’t think of a single person more fit to take care of a family than him. But then a dark cloud creeped into your head- if this was the first time you were hearing about a family; something must have gone horribly wrong. Frank looked off again before continuing. “Went overseas, came back, and they were all murdered.”

“Frank, I…” you began, but your words failed you. Tears were immediately silently rolling down your cheek. He must have heard the crack in your voice because as soon as the sound left your mouth, he snapped to look at you once again.

“Please, don’t cry, baby girl.” He gave you a sad smile as he reached over to wipe a stray tear from under your eye. “Everyone responsible for that is good and dead now.” You could tell he was saying this more for his benefit than your own- how many times a day did he try to find comfort in that fact and still come up empty?

“Still. They didn’t deserve that to happen…you didn’t deserve that,” you said softly. Everything in you was screaming to be closer to him. All you wanted was to reach out and stroke his hair and hold him. Max stirred between you two, as if reading your mind, and slunk off the couch to find a spot on the floor. You decided to test the waters and scoot up next to Frank. He watched as you closed the distance between you, his posture stiffening slightly, but he made no attempt to move away. You pushed yourself up close to his side, letting your head fall on his chest. The arm he had draped over the back of the couch fell around your shoulder and traced small circles there. This was easily the closest you’d been to Frank in the months you’d been his friend and he felt just as safe as you had imagined.

“Why weren’t we friends at Flushing?” he asked after a moment of laying together in comfortable silence.

“Well, probably because I was too busy trying to pad my college applications with extracurriculars so I could get into a good school in another state,” you laughed. You could feel his chest rumble with laughter under your cheek. “I’ve got our senior yearbook somewhere in here if you’d like to take a look,” you offered. Frank shifted so he could look you in the eyes. He cracked a small smile before answering you.

“Sure, go get the fucker.”

Excitedly, you jumped off the couch and padded over to the closet in the short hallway. You were sure you had thrown it up there during the move along with all the other odd and ends that didn’t find a home. Finally, you spotted it over in the corner and reached on your tiptoes for the hardcover book on the top shelf. You slid next to him once again, cracking open the cover of the large, red book and began to thumb through the pages. Frank took another pull from the bottle on the table while you located the senior pictures you were searching for.

“Frank Castle!” you exclaimed, pointing at his posed picture. His hair was longer back then, nothing like the military cut he sported now. But he had the same dark eyes and wide nose; he was absolutely as handsome as you had remembered. You heard him groan next to you.

“Not my best picture,” he stated simply.

“What are you talking about? You’re so cute!” you beamed, giving him your widest smile.

“It’s hard to disagree with you when you look at me like that,” he grumbled before turning a few pages and smiling down at your own portrait. “Well look what we have here…”

“Oh god.” You stared at your picture. Back then, you explicitly remember thinking that the tattoo choker and tube top were a great look. And the body glitter? You were killing it. Now, you couldn’t help but look at a three-quarter view; the idea of looking at it head on was simply nauseating. “Why didn’t someone stop me?”

Frank laughed and shook his head. “I think you’re overreacting. I mean look-“ he pointed to several other girls with the a similar aesthetic on the same page, “it wasn’t just you.”

“Well, we all look like damn fools,” you chuckled and kept thumbing through the following pages. Frank showed up a few more times for basketball and National Honor Society. He also seemed to be in a lot of the candid pictures used for your class. Seeing him smile with other boys, so carefree and full of light, was making you want to cry all over again. The same boy who was grinning at you from the black and white page was the same man next to you, weathered by the cruelty of the world. Frank deserved to be that happy again, you thought to yourself. His eyes scanned over the pages as you turned; occasionally he’d tell a funny story about some of the boys in the pictures. You finally got to the end and shut the book with extra emphasis.

“Would you go back?” he asked thoughtfully.

“Never. Would you?”

“Nah. No use in wishing the past was different. Shit happens,” he shrugged. He looked down at the clock on your cable box and ran his large hand over his face. “Max and I should probably get going, don’t wanna get caught in a blizzard,” he stated before crouching down by Max and petting him awake. You thought about asking him to stay, but it hadn’t worked since the first night you’d been reacquainted. He turned to look at you, reading the almost sad expression on your face. “You’re worrying about me.”

“Maybe,” you said in a small voice.

“I don’t want you to worry about me,” he said as he got up and went to pull on his boots and jacket. He had that stern look he got then he wished you’d just listen to him instead of going on about the what-ifs and getting caught up in your own head.

“Don’t know what to tell you, Frank. I can’t help it,” you smiled and shrugged. He pulled the hood of his sweatshirt out of his coat and put it over his head.

“I’ll call you,” he said simply before clicking Max’s leash on and sliding out your front door. The minute you heard it stick shut, you let out the longest groan you could, cursing yourself for letting him just walk away.

[bookish-soliloquies]

All the horrible questions

Again, I am sorry for my terrible delay in answering this.  Also, thank you so much for asking!  I am going to skip 21, 26, and 57 because I just answered them, but here go the rest!

01: Do you have a good relationship with your parents?

I have a complex relationship with my mother that I have had to work on for years to get to an OK place.  I am estranged from my father.

02: Who did you last say “I love you” to?

My FH.  :)

03: Do you regret anything?

Yes, I do.  The biggest thing that I regret is that I believed the negative lessons I was taught by my family and internalized it and made it my own personal truth for far too long.  

04: Are you insecure?

Yes.

05: What is your relationship status?

Engaged.  Wedding in October!! 

06: How do you want to die?

Peacefully.

07: What did you last eat?

Chocolate Cinnamon Toast Crunch.

08: Played any sports?

A long, long time ago I played softball and basketball, but that stopped prior to HS and I truthfully have no athletic abilities.  

09: Do you bite your nails?

Not anymore.  The trick was keeping them painted consistently because I hate having nail polish flakes in my mouth.  

10: When was your last physical fight?

Not much of a physical fighter, probably the worst in my adult years was angrily shoving my FH, which we both agree is a huge NO.  

11: Do you like someone?

My FH.

12: Have you ever stayed up 48 hours?

Yes.

13: Do you hate anyone at the moment?

In a love-hate way.

14: Do you miss someone?

Yes.

15: Have any pets?

My family dog lives with my mom and I miss and love him so much!!

16: How exactly are you feeling at the moment?

I am feeling lethargic, but slowly gaining more energy.  

17: Ever made out in the bathroom?

Yes.

18: Are you scared of spiders?

Yes!

19: Would you go back in time if you were given the chance?

I would visit different times, but I would not want to live in a different age.

20: Where was the last place you snogged someone?

My bed.

22: Do you want to have kids? How many?

0.  23: Do you have piercings? How many?

My ears.  One on each ear.24: What is/are/were your best subject(s)?

English!  Now I teach it.  ;)

25: Do you miss anyone from your past?

Yes, but I also know that he wasn’t good for me and I would not undo what happened between us because it brought me to the amazing man that I am going to be marrying.  

27: Have you ever broken someone’s heart?

Yes.28: Have you ever been cheated on?

Yes.29: Have you made a boyfriend/girlfriend cry?

Yes.30: What’s irritating you right now?

That I need to do work.  31: Does somebody love you?

Yes.  :)

32: What is your favourite color?

I like most colors, but if cornered I say blue, green, and purple.

33: Do you have trust issues?

Yes.34: Who/what was your last dream about?

It was about a prince that I saved from an assassination attempt and then got busy with.  :D35: Who was the last person you cried in front of?

FH.36: Do you give out second chances too easily?

NO.37: Is it easier to forgive or forget?

For me to forgive, but even that doesn’t come easily.

38: Is this year the best year of your life?

We will see! 

39: How old were you when you had your first kiss?

I was a toddler.  Real adult kiss: 15.

40: Have you ever walked outside completely naked?

Not since childhood.

51: Favourite food?

Mexican!

52: Do you believe everything happens for a reason?

I don’t know yet.

53: What is the last thing you did before you went to bed last night?

Talked to my FH.

54: Is cheating ever okay?

NO!!!!

55: Are you mean?

Sometimes.

56: How many people have you fist fought?

I think just my brother.

58: Favourite weather?

Crisp Autumn day.

59: Do you like the snow?

Yes, when I don’t have to drive through it (or shovel it).

60: Do you wanna get married?

Have you been paying attention? 

61: Is it cute when a boy/girl calls you baby?

If it is the right boy or girl, yes.

62: What makes you happy?

My FH, books, my friends, my nephew, coffee, my students (sometimes), learning, teaching, travelling, music, et al.  

63: Would you change your name?

I plan to because I don’t want my father’s last name anymore; so, I will be taking my FH’s last name.  

64: Would it be hard to kiss the last person you kissed?

No lol, we kiss every day.

65: Your best friend of the opposite sex likes you, what do you do?

Discuss why it will never be in a kind and loving manner.

66: Do you have a friend of the opposite sex who you can act your complete self around?

Yes.  It is easier when it is truly platonic.

67: Who was the last person of the opposite sex you talked to?

My FH.  

68: Who’s the last person you had a deep conversation with?

My FH.  69: Do you believe in soulmates?

GRRRR.  I used to.

70: Is there anyone you would die for?

My FH.  My nephew.  I think there are others, but those two I know for sure.

[coffeeandcalligraphy]

Since houses with teeth is shelved what will be fostered 7. Also how is FD coming along, i miss the updates😢😢

I’m not sure! I think, honestly, that the “main series” side of Fostered is done (so it ends at 6 books). It’s unfortunate because HWT came at the wrong time in my writing journey. I was in my last year of high school when I finished book 6 of Fostered, which I ended prematurely because I was in “writing puberty” lol where my genre, and how I approached writing greatly changed. I managed to finish a majority of book 6 balancing the older parts of my tastes with the newer, but by the time I got to writing book 7, I just couldn’t balance out these tastes anymore without having a headache or overthinking everything. The problem is that Houses With Teeth is a literary fiction novel with a genre fiction past/cast, and to write it properly, I would essentially have to completely overhaul every single Fostered character, which I do not want to do. I’d have to change backstories, even names, and I want to keep these things the way they are. There isn’t a collective story for the Fostered “squad” anymore! It really died when the dystopian elements died in the series. This is why I prefer the spinoffs more because they’re more intimate character studies. I could see myself writing HWT as a novella or something that follows Reeve, because it would be nice to give her a proper goodbye, but I doubt I will do that. This is a really emotional topic for me tbh because it really panics me to think Fostered will eventually end, but I’ve realized lately the series could be done soon, or at least for the foreseeable future. I really want to start writing things outside of this series, namely other novels, and while I love this series very much, I do think I’ve relied on it in recent years as a crutch to handle my anxiety about writing/in general. I struggle with anxiety when writing any novel that isn’t Fostered, which is weird because I write tons of short stories outside of that universe, but when the work is longer, I just freeze up! I want to work on this, and to do that, I need to take a break from/finish the series, even though the thought of that is terrifying (I think that terror comes from the anxiety)!

As for Feeding Habits, I had to take a huge break from this book this semester, not out of choice, necessarily, but necessity. At the beginning of the term, I was having a hard time writing this book, honestly. I had to switch POVs because I was... miserable lol! But then I got so busy with the term that I couldn’t even write anyway! I’ve been writing it actually in the last few days, and it’s going okay! This book is kind of torture to write sometimes because I am actually incapable of not hating or disliking the writing??? Sometimes I’m not even actively trying but my brain is like no u hate this! Like today, I wrote a good chunk of it, was like this prose?? gross lol, but I’ve made it a policy not to let that mindset stop me from writing because it has done so in the past, and when I go back, the writing is fine, and it was all my shaky perception. This is the only project this happens for??? Don’t know why!

The reason there aren’t any updates for FH is because I haven’t finished the next chapter yet, haha, it’s been months haha university as a writing major hahahahhaa

But here are some recent excerpts if you’re interested!

I wrote this at the very beginning of term. Lonan hitchhikes in the car of Lydia, who’s just picked her children up from school:

They stopped fifteen minutes later at a hospital in Portland. The children were mostly excited about its in-house pizza parlour called Zekes, which blinked in neon red letters. Esther and Jensen barrelled toward the revolving door while Lonan fumbled for his seatbelt, and in the end it was Lydia who had to click the release for him. When the grey belt slinked across his chest, back into its holder, he stared at her for a moment—how her red curls haloed in the sun, how a blot of ink stained her index finger (a paralegal, she could’ve been, a teacher, an accountant) how she smiled, this stranger who trusted him, her face this wide, unsuspecting plane—and then he sobbed.

Not sure if I’ve shared this already? But this is Lonan seeing his ex-girlfriend Glenne for the first time in a while:

She was filling two plastic bottles at the motel’s water fountain when he pulled up. The image of her this suspension of ink-soaked particles. She could’ve been a photograph, bent over the metal box, one hand dialled around the fountain nob, the other guiding a bottle to the greedy blip of water. The sun had settled like a yolk in the sky, frescoed her cheeks in persimmon. This is the same image Lonan stared at as he fumbled into the parking lot, mesmerized, trying to distinguish pixel from skin cell.

Glenne was smaller than he’d remembered, something new about her. Maybe a slyness, or a decomposition, or both. She wore a bleached grey pair of cotton overalls and no shoes. Against the mahogany motel door her blonde hair sparked. A woman on fire as she noticed him, her hands jerking so suddenly, the bottle she was filling disengaged from the tap and the contents splashed to the floor.

(TW: gore) I wrote this in a writing sprints weeks ago where Lonan in this chapter’s fictive present is in this super disconnected space to the point where he *tries (doesn’t really get that far lol) to kill Harrison with a butter knife?? 

Slit or swan. The knife across his throat like a block of Jenga reslotting. Him in the fridge lightbulb’s reflection, staring at a sealed block of gouda. It would be so easy, his arterial spray like the rays of water splaying the motel’s walkway. Him unsure when the pigment of the cheese’s red wax begins to come from him. Slit or swan. The refrigerator’s hum like the drone of cars dicing the freeway just beyond the parking lot. Remember it. That noise like caribou running.

I also wrote this during that writing sprint and LOVE the radio commentator’s dialogue:

Across the room, Glenne leaned over the nightstand, fiddling with the clock radio. In bursts, what could be heard from the room was this: the microwave whirring, then a jab of 6 o’ clock news, the microwave beeping, then a blast of electropop, the microwave slamming, then a radio host saying Tell me why I should care about almonds, Eileen, literally, tell me why. The microwave beeped again, then finally, a lick of violins pulsed through the speakers.

Wrote this description either today or yesterday??? what is time (TW: body horror-ish)

So much of his face had dried violet after the crash that it was difficult to find a patch of untouched skin. His eye was still bloodshot from where Eliza had burst the ventricle, and a scattering of cuts, small, like grains of rice, constellated his temple. His hair beamed from his head in different lengths. He looked more bird than human and even then, worse than a bird.

^^ confirmation that lonan IS a bird

I also wrote this today! Lonan takes care of Glenne’s baby, Olivia and it is so PURE I cannot handle it! At one point in time, I had a separate Fostered spinoff called ALANNIS planned out where Lonan actually takes on a fatherly role of Olivia who would be older at that point (he’s in his late 20s, I think she was like 7 or 8??) and so it’s so fantastic to see this role come to fruition here since I never thought it would!

The grocery store was a fifteen-minute walk away. With Olivia clinging to his shoulder, Lonan was acutely aware that she could feel his heartbeat. Open valve. Close. Repeat. Hers pulsed right above his heart, a miniature drumming. The sky had bruised purple, misted with clouds.

just imagine my terrifying bird man carrying this lil munchkin it’s SO CUTE!!

working on this chapter right now, so hopefully I’ll finish it and update you soon! <3