#but i really would love to read a million little fics about how eddie would navigate the letter and telling christopher

[dwobbitfromtheshire]

I've decided that I will be blowing up the Steddie tag starting Monday with Rovickie since a lot of y'all still insist on replacing Vickie with Nancy as the girl of Robin's dreams, try to come with bullshit about it all you want but you fuckers know they don't make a lick of goddamn sense. I'm feeling pretty petty, yes, because I'm fucking sorry but we finally get a bisexual woman who would more than likely understand Robin's relationship with Steve who would understand Robin's quirks and who hasn't slept with and cheated on Steve?? And what? She gets tossed in the trash for a girl who obviously wants nothing more than to focus on school and her career?? Nah, gtfo. Nah, you're just like the Duffle bags trying to force Nancy into a relationship she clearly wouldn't want to be in. She doesn't want to be with Steve, not really. She doesn't want to be with Robin. Hell, she doesn't even want to be with Jonathan. She clearly wants to focus on school and why the fuck can't she do that? Why does she have to be put into another romantic relationship that is once again built on trauma and drama? Why can't life be a little simple for them for once? Vickie is perfect for Robin, and yeah, she's boring to you, but it's what they need. And if it's boring that Nancy isn't in a relationship and just wants to focus on school, well, good. They fucking deserve boring. It's fucking annoying to read yet another goddamn Steddie fic and then BOOM R*nance. No, they would NOT make a good couple. Eddie wouldn't think they would at all. In fact, he would probably be protective of Steve over that. I tried to be nice about it, tried to hold it in but fuck it's disheartening to think that so many of you think that Robin Buckley would date the woman who her best friend probably once claimed was the love of his life. Well, guess what assholes? Try as you might to deny it, you know that Steve Harrington is the platonic love of Robin Buckley's life, and no way in hell would she ruin that for a girl. Even if she DID have feelings for Nancy, she can move on and fall for someone else. People can fall for more than one person. She still wouldn't do it even if Steve said it was okay because if Steve is expected to set his feelings aside, then so should Robin. We don't have to worry about that, though. Robin would think the idea was disgusting, and she would never have feelings for Nancy in a million years.

You know, I probably wouldn't be this twisted up about it if a lot of you would just fucking acknowledge how fucking weird and awkward it is to date your best friend's ex instead of ignoring it. I've been in that situation. It weeeeirddd. I also wouldn't be this twisted up about it if some of you wouldn't somehow make Vickie the bad guy in order for your ship to make sense. (One of you had Vickie r*pe Robin??? What the fuck's wrong with you??) Anyway, JUSTICE FOR VICKIE.

[rebelfell]

So, here’s the thing. Around this time of year, I can be very (some would say overly) sentimental. And it partly has to do with my nana and the fact that she passed on NYE many years ago.

Because she was the kindest, gentlest, most beloved person I ever knew, and I always wished I could be as effortlessly good as she was making people around her feel loved and special.

This year, being on this site, reading everyone’s words and realizing how much talent there is in this community has been staggering to me. In a million years, I could never express what it has meant to me properly.

And one of the things that brought me joy this year was making covers for some of my favorites. Most I’ve shared already, but I wanted to compile them all together along with some (unhinged) rambling, sorta like a year-end review.

That’ll all be under the cut. But for now, I just want to express my deepest thanks to anyone reading for helping me get through this year.

Because whether you knew it or not, you really and truly did. ❤️

I’m gonna start with my token Hellcheer fics cos they were like my gateway drug 😉

These stories by @majicmarker & @hangon-silvergirl

I love the humor in them, the way they capture Eddie’s voice so completely. Just the straight up FUN I had reading them both made me want to be able to do it again and again. Anytime I write from Eddie’s pov, I feel like I draw inspiration from here cos they just really capture the energy and chaos of his mind that made me fall in love.

I am so narcissistically obsessed with these covers. They are far and away my favorites and sometimes I just look at them like, “omg I made that???” Similarly, the Whatta Man stories I’m equally obsessed with: Steve and Eddie as flirty coworkers in a bar? Overlapping stories?? 90s REFERENCES OUT THE ASS??? Sign me the fuck upppp. Eddie’s night was my gateway into the world of @loveshotzz's writing and what a wonderful world it is 🥰 Speaking of….

I had originally wanted these two to be like coordinating covers because the stories were connected, but the simply put immaculate vibes of both are so different, I wanted to reflect that.

The hold these two old men have on me is just embarrassing. I read every update with my feet kicked up behind me like a little fucking school girl watching Steve fall in love with his tough girl and falling in love with him right back. And I’m so endlessly enamored with OCS Eddie. I poured over every part of their story, drinking in every detail @carolmunson put into it like it sustained me because it did. So desperately in love with everything Carol writes, but my god there is something about him that just breaks me.

Welcome now to the wealthy Steve portion of our program. These are the stories I wish were movies I could watch over and over and over. They are so cinematic in the way they are written and the way the characters interact. I mean, The drama! The tension! The fcking cliffhangers! @katyswrites had me SAT for the entirety of her whirlwind summer romance and I still find myself wishing I was on Ischia island in a private villa with Steve…

And We’ll Call It Love….it’s so, so good. It is my dream come true for a rom com, it’s got so much humor and heart and lightness and sadness and I literally care about EVERY character’s happiness, like how do you even do that, @superblysubpar?? Is it witchcraft? You can tell me if it’s witchcraft.

The “Yes” Policy is everything to me. It is written so gorgeously and it’s such a complete and fully realized world. The amount of care and time and effort that’s put into every. single. word. is just so apparent and so incredible it makes me weak. @pinkrelish knows these characters down to their bones and shows them to be so hopelessly in love I can’t even articulate how lovely a story it is.

Last two! And oddly appropriate these lined up together because they’re respectively the oldest and the newest stories I’ve fallen in love with.

@blueywrites’s TKYM was the first ever Eddie fic I ever read. An AO3 link to it came across my dash with someone saying “if you haven’t read this yet you are missing out” or something along those lines…and damn if they weren’t right. I’d never read an x reader fic before. I had yet to watch Stranger Things. I knew Eddie as a meme only. I was so wholly transfixed by the writing and the way Eddie was characterized — I devoured this story like my life depended on it. I go back to it and back to it and back to it. I see myself in it, I see the person I want to be in it. It makes me feel every feeling I can possibly feel all at once. It is simply…awe inspiring. It brought me here.

And @sweetsweetjellybean’s Torn is…idek know how to describe it? I have been down bad for that Eddie since the first “Hey, doll.” He’s got me in a goddamn chokehold. The pure excitement I feel every time an update posts is so overwhelming and the writing is so good it takes my breath away. The way the story moves and the depth of the world surrounding it makes it feel so real in a way that I forget it’s fiction? It’s such a beautiful story for Eddie and it’s so enthralling I really cannot wait to see where it goes.

Aaaaaand that’s it! If you’ve stuck around this far — thank you for doing so ☺️

I hope everyone has a wonderful year. Please know that you deserve only good things and you are loved deeply even when it doesn’t feel/seem like it. You have everything you need to make your life into the one you want and nothing can stop you from doing so, not even yourself.

Love you, mean it. ⛄️✨💕

[spitdrunken]

currently i'm really busy with writing for my thesis, which unfortunately leaves me with little creative juice... ive been engaging with other people's creations a lot more rather than writing for myself, but have some assorted thoughts on things ive enjoyed recently below, for anyone who is interested. feel free to send me asks about anything that's mentioned, but because of the above, might take me a bit to get back to u <3!

these aren't really x reader thoughts, just rambling! if you read this, thank u, i am giving you a kiss on your forehead/hug/fistbump/handshake/whatever words of affirmation you have been wanting to hear today. pick your favorite!

(Pokephilia mention) Pokémon Legends Z's announcement!! It'll be forever until it's released (which, as a true Pokémon fan, I'm very happy about BAHAHAH), but I'm so excited! Very curious how they are planning to implement, what seems to be, citybuilder elements... If Emmet shows up in this game, I'm going to be super delighted, but I honestly doubt it. Either way, it's made me think a bit more about the twins, and Poképhilia stuff in general as well! It's such a shame/pain the main tag is blocked... one day I will start and stick to my intention to write, like, porn about all the Pokémon, haha. A dream...

(cannibalism(????) monster eating??? mention. consensual!) Dungeon Meshi really was as much fun as everyone mentioned! Don't really see myself writing fic about it, except for a very specific idea I had... I like the thought of Laois 'obsessed with eating monsters' Touden got to meet a monster (AKA Reader) who is equally obsessed with the idea of being eaten!! Maybe a mermaid, or something like that? It's his one chance to eat a humanoid monster! Though the others probably won't believe him when they tell him that it was 100% consensual, and are judging him harshly LMAO

Welcome Home updated! Very happy about this. Though I don't connect them publically, I actually have written quite a bit of WH fic and my sfw sideblog for it used to have more followers than this one LMAOO. Maybe one day I'll write NSFW works for it, but I dunno if there's interest... Plus, I very much fall underneath people the creator would consider 'unwelcome' in their squeaky-clean fandom or whatever, but they have like a quarter million followers now, lol. Anyway, Wally is, as has been said many times before, the Most! He draws me in <3

And also, poor Eddie, lmao. It's very interesting to me, with the inclusion of the Narrator, that the characters seem to be forced to steer in a specific direction, if that makes sense? To upkeep a certain mask. I wonder if 'as above, so below' is a reference to that, in the sense that whatever is dictated by the stronger forces of narrative, is what shall occur 'below'-- In their world. Like, the animosity some of these puppets have for each other!!!!! Some of them are just straight up Not Friends, lmao.

I need to play more of it, but if anyone is reading this, go play I Was A Teenage Exocolonist. I expected it to be waaaay more popular, especially on Tumblr, but it's so underrated? The writing is wonderful, the characters are well-defined, and the art is breathtaking! Please take a look at the trigger warnings, cuz there are a few that are definitely applicable, but it's soooo good... If it has to be said, I romanced Dys first, lmao.

I am watching The Apothecary Diaries right now, just started today, and can I jsut say... I'm such a fan of all the women in this show!! I love the perspective it gives on court life a lot! Maomao definitely is pulling in all the men AND women, huh.... i appreciate that. Jinshi also 100% wants to get degraded by her, huh. Maomao is the sexywoman of this show.

[hes-a-rainbow]

Heaven and Hell (Part 3) ~ e.m.

A/N: I’m not really sure if anyone is actually reading this, but if you enjoy, please share! I will be updating every Wednesday 🖤

Summary: After four long years apart, Noah and Eddie finally reunite.

Warnings: angst, idiots in love, talks of loneliness and past trauma (S4 events), blink and you’ll miss it mention of ptsd, mentions of scars, fix it fic, language, unedited mess

Word Count: 3.5k

(Divider by @silkholland​)

Series Masterlist

AO3

Eddie has played out just about a million different scenarios since he learned from Harrington this afternoon that Noah was back in town. He thought about all of the things he wanted to ask her; all of the things he left unsaid on that fateful night four years ago.

And none of them had started with, ‘Hey Slugger’.

He had thought about it up until the moment he stepped out of his truck and clambered up Harrington’s front steps, letting himself in as the door was unlocked. He had made his rounds, chatting with his friends, and catching up quickly with Nancy and Jonathan before his nerves got the best of him.

He was searching the crowd non-stop for her, even though Steve had mentioned she would be arriving a little later, but his heart skipped in his chest every time he thought he caught a glimpse of her hair.

He finally realized that he needed some fresh air and a smoke and as fate would have it, there she stood. She looked ethereal under the harsh lighting of Steve’s porch but she was still just as beautiful as he remembered. She looks different now, curves having filled out a little bit more throughout her body, but he swears she is still the most gorgeous human being he has ever seen.

His brain sometimes does this thing where it has a mind of its own, and he couldn’t seem to stop the words from coming out of his mouth until it was too late.

She just stood there, eyes wide and mouth constantly opening and closing like a goldfish, and for a split second, Eddie thinks maybe she’s in shock or something. But he continues to watch her as her hands roll into fists by her sides.

She squeaks out a small, “Hi,” before taking a step towards him, but ends up double guessing herself and she just ends up looking like one of those figures on those big yellow crosswalk signs.

Eddie can’t help but laugh, happy that at least she seems as nervous as he does, but definitely not hiding it as well as him.

“That’s all you have to say?” He doesn’t mean for the words to come out so harsh, he meant for them to be more casual, joking even, but again, his brain is spitting it out before he can catch up.

He walks past her, leaning on the railing on the front porch as he puts the cigarette back into his mouth, lightening it quickly. She waits for him to exhale before she takes a step closer to him. He notices her fiddling with the ring on her left hand, but it’s too dark to actually make out what it is. His heart leaps at the thought of the skull ring he had once given her, there was no doubt in his mind she had long since gotten rid of it.

“How have you been?” She moves her arms towards him, almost as if by muscle memory but stops herself to pull her leather jacket closer around her and crosses her arms over her chest. Eddie sees it all through his peripheral vision as he takes another drag.

He holds in the smoke longer than usual, not wanting to answer her right away as his mind races. He leans away from her as he lets out the smoke, choosing to tap some of the ash from the cigarette away first before turning to her, “Peachy.”

Again, it comes out too harsh for his liking but he just can’t seem to help himself. Every time he looks at her, he sees that night all over again, that night when she tore his heart in two and then left with the other half, assuring that he would never be able to love again.

And he had tried, fuck had he tried. The first year without her went by agonizingly slow. Every single thing he had reminded him of her, because how could it not? They had been together since they were 17. She was it for him; he had never considered a life without her. And he had always thought she felt the same way. But maybe he was just blinded by love, too young and naive to see that she had been pulling away from him ever since they defeated Vecna. He had put it off as her dealing with the trauma of the situation, they had all dealt in different ways but he was only able to make it through those first excruciating days in the hospital because she was right there by his side.

But she so easily left his side, even after always promising she never would. He had gotten used to it by now, people he cared for had been leaving him his entire life, but he just never imagined she would be one of them.

After finally getting his GED, he had put all of his time into vocational school learning everything there was to know about cars and he was even able to restore an old truck from scratch (which was still one of his greatest achievements to date.) Things started looking up for him, the owner of the body shop he worked at seemed to really like him and before long Eddie was promoted to manager. He was making more money than ever before, actually enrolling into more school by taking business classes at night at the local community college.

Turns out school was a lot easier when you were actually interested in what you were learning.

Three years later and here he is, proud owner of ‘Munson Auto Shop’ which sits proudly on main street and is the go to auto shop for the tri county area. He’s even managed to save enough money to buy a house. Nothing crazy, just a small ranch with two bedrooms and a garage. The extra bedroom was mostly just his ‘jam room’.

After he had purchased the house, he had a huge party and he finally felt happier than he had in years. But it wasn’t until everybody left that he noticed just how quiet the place was. The house wasn’t that much bigger than the trailer he grew up in, but it still seemed too big for just him. He always felt like something was missing or rather someone, but he couldn’t find it in himself to consider that for too long.

He had gone out for drinks one night with Steve and Robin, eventually admitting to them that as proud as he was to be a homeowner, especially at his young age, he hated going home at night to an empty house.

The next morning Robin had woken him up from a deep slumber by continuously ringing his doorbell. He was still rubbing out the sleep from his eyes when she yelled out, ‘surprise!’. She was an overweight, grumpy looking mutt of a dog. It was quite the change at first, Ozzy might not have been a puppy, but as a rescue it took both he and Eddie some time to get used to each other. Ozzy had quickly become Eddie’s best friend, much to Dustin’s chagrin, and the new mascot of Munson Auto Shop, driving shotgun with his dad everyday to the garage.

Eddie pulls off a piece of Ozzy’s fur from his black jeans, watching as it gets picked up and taken with the wind. Noah huffs out a breath next to him grabbing his attention once more.

“Guess I deserved that…” She kicks a lone rock off the porch and they both watch as it lands unceremoniously into the grass without a sound.

Eddie throws the remainder of the cigarette on the ground, stomping his sneakers on top to put it out. His eyes remain on his shoe as he speaks up again, “Sorry I–I don’t–It’s just…”

“It’s weird isn’t it?” Noah finishes for him. His head pops up to look at her and she has a small smile on her face which he gladly returns. “Yeah, it is weird.”

They both share a laugh together, and it’s almost as if nothing has changed between them. Like all of those years apart never existed and they’re finally coming back together.

Eddie takes a seat on the front steps and she follows by sitting down next to him, crossing her ankles due to her short dress. Eddie clasps his hands together as he leans on his knees, “Was it everything you dreamed of?”

She doesn’t respond right away, and when he looks over at her she seems confused.

“New York,” He clarifies, “The city of dreams.” He whispers out as he turns one of the rings on his finger looking away from her and out into the night, “Was it everything you ever wanted?”

Was it worth leaving me, is what he wants to ask; but he won’t.

He watches as she looks out across the front lawn of Steve’s freshly manicured grass; she seems mesmerized. Before she looks back over at Eddie, she’s shaking her head before finally responding definitively, “No. No, it wasn’t.”

If the years were kinder to them, he would ask what she meant, he would ask what happened, more importantly, he would ask if she had fallen in love with someone else. Robin said she mentioned it was just her and her daughter but to have a whole kid with someone…. Eddie shakes the thought out of his head, he was way too sober to go there right now.

He clears his throat, “Well, I’m sorry.” Noah looks up at him, seemingly surprised by his apology but he continues, “I’m sorry you didn’t find what you were looking for. You only deserve the best.” Again, the silence lingers on between them as they listen to the symphony of crickets around them, hidden somewhere in the grass. They both just stare at each other, as if trying to remember every detail of how they look at this very moment.

“Thanks…” Her voice cracks just the slightest but Eddie still catches it. His hand move to give her knee a reassuring squeeze, but he stops himself, instead putting them into the pocket of his jeans. He has to remember things aren’t like they used to be.

He takes a deep breath, looking over to her from the side of his eye as she picks at some chipped nail polish on her fingers. “So…you’re like a whole ass mom now?”

She looks at him as if he’s grown another head out of his neck before she bursts out in laughter. He can’t help but laugh along with her. He could tell it was one of her genuine laughs, the one she has when something catches her off guard and she can’t help the little snort that comes out. Her hand smacks over her mouth like it always used to, Eddie automatically grabbing her wrist and moving it out of the way like he always used to. He had always loved her laugh and her smile, but she was self conscious and would always cover her mouth. It felt like second nature to touch her again, but the way she retracts her arm from him tells him all he needs to know.

“Sorry,” he apologizes quickly as he holds his hands up in surrender. This time his voice cooperates and it comes out soft. “No,” She’s shaking her head and leans over, resting her hand on his forearm quickly and giving him an awkward ‘pat’. “It’s just–”

“Weird.” He finishes for her. She reaches out for his forearm again, this time giving it a little squeeze. “Yeah,” she agrees. She pulls her hand away far too quickly for Eddie’s liking and he’s scared she’s about to walk away again. He’s very aware that she still has not even entered the party yet and he wants to spend just a little more alone time with her.

The night air is humid and Noah shrugs off her leather jacket, revealing the spaghetti strap of her dress. He tries and fails to not look at the slight cleavage she is showing. His heart rate picks up slightly among other parts of his body.

Eddie looks away, clearing his throat,“Is she cool?” As she places the jacket in her lap, she doesn’t miss a beat when she replies, “The coolest.” Her smile is so authentic and he can tell just how much she loves that little girl from the look on her face alone.

“What’s her name?” Steve and Robin had already filled in everything they knew but he wanted to keep her talking; wanted her to stay with him just a little bit longer.

She beams as she replies, “Scarlett.” He sees a twinkle in her eye he hadn’t seen in years and his heart feels like it’s about to fall out of his ass but he just nods his head, “Metal.” She laughs even though they both know how lame his joke is.

He rolls up the sleeves of his jean shirt, giving his hands something to do so they don’t reach over towards her like he so desperately wants too. He hears her breath catch next to him and his senses go into overload as he scans the area around them, checking to see if there is danger nearby; a side effect of the Upside Down.

“Eddie,” She whispers his name as she places both of her hands on his arm, this time with absolutely no hesitation. He turns to see her looking at his arms, her pointer fingers drags over the scars that he has since covered with tattoos, or more specifically, flowers. His scars were big and covered much of his body and for a long time it was something he was very self conscious about. Even after all this time, he still found himself wearing long sleeves in the summer more than what was considered normal.

He had decided a few years ago that he wanted to cover them up with something beautiful; to have life come from all the pain he felt. It started off slowly, but eventually both of his arms were covered in flowers. Roses, pansies, hibiscus, you name it. Intersecting with the flowers were tiny vines, thick with thorns and interwoven throughout the messy scars. It was his daily reminder that life had changed in an instant for him, but that even in the darkest of places, something good could still grow.

“Oh, uh yeah…” He reaches back with his other arm to scratch his neck, suddenly very self conscious about her opinion on them, “I decided to cover up the um scars, ya know? Didn’t like looking at them anymore.” His eyes remain on her hands and he can feel her gaze on him but he’s too much of a coward to look up; too scared to see that maybe she hates them or something. But it wouldn’t matter, he reminds himself; it shouldn’t.

She turns to face him more, the arm that was facing away from him now in full view. His breath caught just as hers did as he finally saw it.

A giant rose, blooming from a long stem filled with thorns.

It had covered the scar she had gotten during the battle of Starcourt, the mind flayers claws barely missing her as Eleven pushed her out the way. It was long before Eddie even knew about the Upside Down. 

Noah had been working at the mall at some sunglass kiosk when she had found out about the underground Russian base from Steve and Robin. It killed her to lie to Eddie but she wanted to keep him as far away from all of that as possible. She had told him she got it escaping the mall that night and didn’t come clean until a year later, when he was faced with the consequences of the Upside Down himself.

He scoffs, his own hand reaching up to trace the design on her arm, his thumb brushing over the stem lightly. He could see goosebumps rising on her arms even in the darkness but he keeps his hand in place.

“I guess great minds think alike.” Again, Noah snorts, and Eddie can’t help but turn his head to the side as he questions her, “What?”

“It was Scarlett’s idea.” Eddie’s eyebrows rise against his forehead before she continues to explain, “As soon as she could talk she would ask about it, she was all, ‘Mama what’s that, where did that come from, why don’t I have one?’” They both laugh as she mimics the little girl's voice.

“And what did you tell her?”

“I told her the truth.” Eddie opens his mouth dramatically, eyebrows furrowed together so close they're almost touching. “Well, enough of the truth for a three year old to understand.” She continues, his fingers lazily tracing over the floral design “I told her I got this slaying a dragon. His talons barely missing me as a powerful mage used her gifts to save me.” Her eyes connect with his again, “I tell her stories before bedtime. Sometimes she wants to add things like unicorns or butterflies but it’s basically the same story over and over.”

Eddie can’t stop himself before he asks, “And does she know about me?” Noah studies his face for a second before replying, “She knows about Ser Edward the Brave.”

His face flushes as his heart just can’t seem to stop beating so damn fast. “And what’s your title in these stories, hm? Princess? Damsel in Distress?”

She scoffs, “Fuck that!” She nudges him with her shoulder as she confesses, “Obviously, Elven Warrior Queen.”

His head leans back as he barks out a laugh into the night, “Obviously!”

Their heads lean forward as they both laugh, Eddie’s hand still holding onto Noah’s arm. His stomach feels like it’s on a roller coaster as he reminisces about this feeling. Something he hasn’t felt since for four years now and he can’t help but wonder if she feels it too.

Both of their laughter slowly dies down and they’re suddenly just staring at each other. Noah opens her mouth to say something at the same time Eddie moves his hand to cheek. His thumb grazing her cheek lightly.

But the moment is quickly broken, both of them snapped out of whatever reverie they had fallen into when Dustin Henderson barrels out the front door. Noah immediately stands up, leather jacket falling off her lap and plopping on the step stones below.

“Holy shit!” Dustin just about wakes up the whole neighborhood as he races towards her. Eddie stands just in time to place a hand on her back, stopping her from falling off the steps as Dustin engulfs her in a hug.

“Careful, Henderson!” Eddie barks at the high school senior, hearing as his giggles mix with Noah’s. But Dustin doesn’t seem to notice or care as his words sound mumbled against her hair, “I thought Steve was fucking with us! But holy shit!”

It isn’t long before all the kids, even though they were much older now and about to graduate from high school in one month’s time, had spilled out onto the tiny porch of Steve’s house engulfing Noah in hugs of their own and all of them asking her questions at the same time. Eddie takes the interruption as a sign to leave, they were obviously just as excited and happy to have her back as he was.

He slips through Lucas and Will, shimmying himself through the front door as he hears Mike screaming something about a graduation party. As the door shuts behind him and he heads for the nearest alcoholic drink, he feels as if his heart is attached to a wire, pulling him back as he walks further and further away from her.

He feels stupid, having only been with her for a few moments and it has already brought back all of his feelings in a rushing tidal wave. He had told himself he would be better, at least have her work harder for him to accept her so suddenly again but here he was, welcoming her back with open arms almost as soon as he saw her.  

And he can’t help but wonder if she feels the same way, because they were definitely about to kiss on those steps…right? What exactly was she about to say before Henderson interrupted him. It was just like all those years ago, when Henderson would randomly show up to Eddie’s trailer during the couples alone time. Noah was always too kind of course, welcoming Dustin in, who didn’t seem to notice anything amiss as he plopped himself next to her on the couch while Eddie was forced to sit in Wayne’s recliner, a pillow on his lap for at least the next half hour.

Eddie rubs his eyes with the heels of his hands, he couldn’t be thinking of those types of memories right now.

“Hey man, you good?” He hears Steve behind him as he claps a hand on his shoulder before turning around.

“Fucking peachy, Harrington.” Eddie states before grabbing Steve’s drink and slamming it in one gulp against Steve’s protests.

[morganski-19]

Conversation 2: Labyrinth

This happens prefic, mentioned in chapter two of the main fic. can be read as a stand-alone. also available on ao3

“I just don’t understand why you are so reluctant to watch it,” Robin complains from where she is draped against Steve’s countertop.

Steve rolls his eyes. “It’s not that I’m reluctant to watch it. I just don’t think I’ll like it very much is all.” The microwave dings and he takes out the bag and pours the popcorn into a bowl.

Robin groans. “You never think you like anything. And then you watch it and you end up loving it.” Steve gives her a disbelieving glare. “Ok, half the time. That doesn’t mean you shouldn’t give it a chance, though.” She wanders over and plucks a popcorn kernel. 

“Hey,” he swaps her hand out of the way, “No snacking until Eddie gets here.” 

“Speaking of which, how’s that going,” Robin bounces her eyebrows. 

A lump forms in Steve’s throat that he can’t explain. “What do you mean? We’re friends.”

She rolls her eyes. “Uh huh, sure. But is there like, anything more than-” Before Robin can go on about whatever she seems to think is going on between Steve and Eddie, which is nothing because they are just friends and Steve’s straight so it would never end up being more than that, the doorbell rings. 

Steve walks over to the door and opens it to Eddie leaning on his doorway. “Harrington. Are you ready to see the great masterpiece that is Labyrinth?” He says with a mischievous smile.

Apparently, the movie was a favorite between Eddie and Robin, much to Steve’s disliking. Not that he’s mad that they want him to see it, he likes it when people share the things they love with him. It makes him feel like they trust him enough to not be judged for it. Except this may be the exception since the movie has fucking puppets and David Bowie with big hair and eyeliner. It’s just a movie he doesn’t think he’ll find himself liking.

“He is definitely not,” Robin calls out from the kitchen. “He’s been complaining about having to watch it for the last hour.”

Eddie does an exasperated, dramatic gasp and slaps a hand to his chest. “I can not believe that you would be so dramatic about something that you have yet to see. You never know, you could like it.”

“Yeah I’m the dramatic one,” Steve mutters as he rolls his eyes. “It has puppets. Doesn’t seem like something I’d like.”

“Awww, scared puppets are just for children, Stevie. You have clearly not seen the puppets in Dark Crystal then, those have given many a child nightmares.” Steve steps out of the way to let Eddie into the house. “And if you truly do not like it, then at least you get some free beer out of it,” He raises a case of beer, the bottles clanking together.

“I told you you didn’t have to bring anything.” 

Eddie places the case down on the counter with a thump. “Yes, I know. But you let all of the little twerps raid your fridge for whatever they want, plus me and Birdie when we’re here. Someone has to repay the favor sometime.”

A warmth fills Steve's chest. It’s something he can’t quite explain but happens a lot when he’s around Eddie. The small gestures that the other would do to make sure that Steve felt included or make sure that he was checked up on. He never looked down at Steve when he said something dumb or asked a million questions. The opposite in fact. Eddie would explain what was going on without any malice or condescending nature or repeat something that Steve didn’t catch without rolling his eyes. It wasn’t much, but it still made Steve smile. 

It also filled his mind and heart with something he hasn’t felt in a long time. Something that he doesn’t quite understand, and doesn’t really think he wants to. It’s odd and confusing and makes his head hurt and heart ache when he thinks too much about it. So he pushes it away into a little box in the back of his mind to forget about it forever. He’s had too much to think about in the past few months, he thinks that a few moments of peace are well deserved before his world changes again. Because he thinks that thinking about it too much would only open up something that he’ll never be able to shut again. 

And that is something that scares him.

“Thanks,” Steve mutters. 

Eddie opens up two beers, shoving one into Steve’s hand. “No problem, man,” he says while clinking their bottles. Steve stares at his bottle for a bit, confusion flooding in.

A piece of popcorn makes contact with Steve’s forehead. “Are we going to watch this or what?” Robin asks annoyed. 

“Ugh, yeah, I guess so,” Steve says, falling out of his trance. 

“Don’t sound so excited, Harrington.” 

Steve rolls his eyes as he slides the tape into the VCR. Taking his place on the couch between Eddie and Robin, it starts to play. Robin squirms around on the couch until she finds a comfortable position, laying her legs in Steve’s lap. She has commandeered the popcorn bowl, only passing it over every once in a while, but successfully eating over half the bowl by herself in the first twenty minutes. 

The movie is confusing, to say the least. For some reason, he can’t seem to follow the plot too well, something just not clicking right in his brain. He can tell that there is a baby, which got kidnapped because the girl wished him away. And the book she was reading was actually real and came to life because it apparently can do that. The goblin king, who was David Bowie in surprisingly tight pants for a children’s movie, would dance around and sing in practically every scene he was in. Steve can’t say exactly why, but his eyes find themselves fixated on him whenever he’s on screen.

And then suddenly, there are puppets. But not the puppets that Steve was expecting. Large bulky puppets that are quite ugly looking if you ask him, which is probably the point since they’re supposed to be goblins and other creatures. 

Eddie leans over Steve’s shoulder, hair tickling his neck, whispering, “You know those puppets are made by the same guy who makes the muppets?”

“Really?” Steve whispers back.

He nods. “Yeah, he’s the one who made the movie. Made the one I mentioned before too. Can’t imagine this being the same gut who sings ‘It’s Not Easy Being Green’, huh?”

“Not really, no,” he replies, laughing to himself about what it would look like if Kermit of Fozzy rounded the corner and joined the group.  

Eddie seems satisfied, leaning back into his space. His leg, however, doesn’t. It is still pressed up against Steve from when he shifted to lean over. Normally, he wouldn’t mind. It’s not the biggest couch in the world and can become crowded when people spread out. Especially when Robin claims a good bit by spreading out. But something about the constant presence was suffocating Steve. 

It’s not like they haven’t been close like this before. They’d often get this close on the couch during movie nights. And Eddie was never shy about physical touch before, always touching Steve or getting up in his personal space when they hung out. It was something that Steve found he really liked. He’d never really had that with a friend before all of this. Even Robin had her moments where she needed her space, and he was more willing to give it. But even then, it was never him reaching out for the touch. Steve never realized how much he missed that until Eddie came around. 

Bowie returns to the screen with a dance, prancing about the screen while he sings. Steve tenses, but he can’t really place why. He feels, weird. That’s all he can describe it as. Something about it just doesn’t feel right, like he wants to feel something for him, but can’t. Because something isn’t right with it. He takes a long swig of his beer. 

He’s rolling a crystal ball on his hands when Eddie leans over again. “He’s not the one actually doing that. They had someone standing behind him sticking their hands out through his arms to do the tricks.” 

“Huh,” Steve asks confused, not being able to visualize what Eddie was saying. 

“Here,” Eddie motions for Steve to lean forward a bit. He wraps an arm around his back and sticks both of his hands under Steve’s arm, reaching out in front of him. Like hugging him from behind, but not. Steve stiffens, breath hitching at the touch. “Like this.”

“Oh,” is all Steve can muster, overwhelmed by the presence. 

Eddie removes his arms, Steve’s back feeling empty from the lack of warmth. “Yeah, and the guy had to do it blind too.”

“Could you both shut up and watch the damn movie?” Robin complains, cutting off any thought that was starting to form in Steve’s head. The two shut up, diverting their attention back to the movie. 

Sarah continues to make her way through the labyrinth, meeting goblins and other creatures until she makes her way to the end of it. Eddie shifts again, resting an arm on the back of the couch, brushing against the back of Steve’s neck. 

His breath hitches again at the touch as a line of electricity shoots down his spine. It’s nothing, he tries to convince himself. But when he shifts, inadvertently getting close to Eddie again, another spark shoots through him. It’s different, but not all the same. Steve stiffens, trying to separate himself from Eddie’s touch without the other noticing or getting offended. Because he can’t think about this here, not now. Here he might not be able to ignore it, and that’s all Steve wants to do.

He’s started having thoughts like these before. Noticed how sometimes he would act differently around Eddie than he would anyone else. Finding it hard to find the right words, getting flustered easily with something so simple the other did. A warmth finding its way to his face or his heart beating a bit too fast when the other was around. Hell, he even did it tonight. The dots wanted to connect, but Steve stopped them, focusing hard on trying to figure out whatever the hell was going on with this movie. 

The end of the movie comes as Sarah confronts Bowie’s character for the last time. He again can’t seem to take his eyes away from the actor, confused as to why he can’t seem to do so. 

Suddenly, the box breaks open and it all starts to make sense. He’s attracted to him, that’s clear. It’s like whenever there was a female character on the screen who had their shirt off for a few seconds or just looked hot. Except this time it isn’t a girl and happens to be David fucking Bowie in tight pants in a movie he’s barely paid any attention to because he’s so confused as to why he feels so weird. 

And something about it all still feels wrong. 

Something is whispered in Steve’s ear that he can’t quite comprehend. “Hm,” He questions. 

“Micheal Jackson was initially interested to be Jareth, but Henson’s daughters convinced him to go with Bowie instead,” Eddie whispers, sending more shivers through Steve, heading down to a place he doesn’t want them to be. 

He breaks away from Eddie’s touch, leaning his head on the back of the couch. Except he doesn’t because Eddie’s arm is there, so it rests there instead. Steve can’t seem to pull it away, feeling immense warmth flood through him at the touch. Again he shifts, pressing his side up against Eddie, running toward feeling more of that warmth. 

As Jareth is defeated by the girl reciting the last line of her book, Steve can’t help but think about what it would look like for someone else to play him. He’s sure that Jackson or anyone else would pull it off, but it would be different. Something about Bowie playing the role seems right, though, the whole rocker vibe was fitting somehow. 

Yet, he can’t help but think about what another person would look like in the role. Maybe someone with darker hair, curly even. Add a few chains to the outfit, a few rings maybe too. If they even wanted to, add the character playing guitar along with the music in the movie. 

Eddie shifts again, brushing his hand on Steve’s shoulder, almost resting it there to see if Steve would say anything about it. He doesn’t because the feeling of being this close to Eddie makes his heart thunder in his chest. The box cannot be closed. 

Oh

Oh

Oh shit, no. 

Eddie nudges him on the shoulder, “Hey, you alright?”

He hadn’t noticed it in the moment, but he was clenching his fists and his breath was increased, almost on the verge of hyperventilating. “Yeah, I’m fine,” Steve lies. Because in actuality, Steve was terrified. 

[goofygooberdays]

I saw that you were taking but I was thinking the same thing, why is there so much smut? Like I get it they're hot but let's have some cute fics without the hard-core porn at the end (not trying to be mean to those who like it, there's just so much)

Anyways, if you don't mind taking an Eddie Munson request, could you do one where he and the reader get followed by Robin and Steve on one of their dates?

I don't think I'm honest the right person to answer this since I do like smut, but it just got way too much for me. I crave the sweet shit lately but apparently everyone else is on a different wave length lol. Or like you said, the hard-core porn fics are just everywhere (like they said, I'm not judging or throwing shade! I just wanted someone to either request something I can write or that I can read! Read whatever the hell you would like!)

Now that I'm done with my little rant, I'd love to write this. I hope you're okay with it being in a headcannon!

-I imagine this being Eddie bragging to Steve and Robin about his upcoming date with you because he's so excited but these two don't really believe he's going on a date

-or they do believe him, but they kind of want to see with their own eyes since they haven't known their friend to get excited about things like dating

-after Eddie leaves the video store to go get ready (which honestly just consist of him making sure he sprays some cologne, maybe grab some gum, and cleans up his van a little so you don't see how much shit he throws in the back)

-if you're friends with Robin and Steve you'll be gushing how excited, but how nervous you are

-which again, your friends are excited for you two but it's still just so weird to them? They just can't wrap their minds around this because of how nervous you two are

-I don't know about you, but I don't really see Eddie being the type to like eating in crowded restaurants, because if I'm being honest I'm not the type either. If they stress you out like they do me, he would definitely not take you somewhere where you are even a little stressed.

-So that means he probably plans to take you to a bookstore or a library. And then when you guys are done there, you go grab some food but eat in his van while talking about the books and new music you got!

-You two are so enamored with each other and just talking a million miles per hour about different things that it take you guys a while to notice your friends trying, and failing, to be sly.

-but once you and Eddie notice them you two start making it a game: see which one will be the one to snap and accidentally say something to you two.

-so what started off with you guys talking about your personal favorite book or song to the other turns into the most random lie ever that the other two would know is a lie

-or you guys playing a little hide and seek from them. Basically you two try to hide in the weirdest parts of the store and see how long it takes for them to find you without making it obvious they were looking for you

-you would think Robin and Steve would figure out you and Eddie knew, but they only realized it when the store owners called Hopper because they were 'stalking you guys and you two were obviously afraid'.

-Which seemed a little dramatic, but it's fair the store owners were worried.

-Hopper looked so fucking done with you four when he showed up to the store. Since he's no stranger thing this group being absolute idiots, he just sighed and explained to the owner you guys knew each other.

-Robin and Steve were trying to get out of them before you and Steve noticed since they thought it wouldn't take long for you to spot them with Hopper being "too fucking loud" according to Steve.

-But Robin groaned and hit Steve when she noticed you two standing in the corner laughing so hard you guys were crying.

-"I think they know, Dingus."

-Steve was confused because he was so sure him and Robin were very good spies.

-"We spotted you guys back at the book store. Had a feeling you would follow us here." you said while you and Eddie walked past them to check out.

-Eddie was carrying all your stuff even though you told him you could carry them. He was also carrying your guy's book that he also paid for before you could say something. He tried to do the same for the music but you beat him to it this time.

-He tried to protest because after all, he's the one who asked you out first. But you were having none of it.

-"You asked me out first, but it's only fair I pay for half of the date since I've been wanting to do this for ages." To which he started blushing at since he's a precious bean.

-As you guys were walking out of the store, Hopper was telling Robin and Steve how much of an idiot they are and if he gets another phone call about them he's going to arrest them for real.

-Before Steve or Robin can say anything, you and Eddie go to stand right next to them. Robin was quick to apologize for ruining our date

-to which you and Eddie both waved off the apology and said they didn't ruin anything. "In fact, you guys made it a little better." you said while giving Eddie the biggest smile that he was also sporting himself.

-Since you guys were also a part of this date, do you want to join us for dinner?"

-Steve and Robin said yes quickly since these two would never turn down food. Plus they offered to pay since they felt a little bad still.

-Since none of you guys wanted to see how many people could fit into the back of Eddie's van, you went to a park and ate before playing on the playground like little kids.

-Even though your friends did end up hijacking the date, you and Eddie were okay with it since you two had a really really fun time. Plus you guys loved spending time with these two losers whenever you could.

-As you were all parting way, meaning Robin and Steve leaving in Steve cars and you and Eddie leaving in his van, you and Eddie kissed. All you heard was

-"Ew, I didn't need to see this bullshit." Robin said jokingly

-"If you're going to traumatize me than at least put your back into, Munson." He also said jokingly

-All in all, it was a really good night and you two definitely already made plans for another date in the upcoming future.

send me any request!

[gayest-bee]

Six Little Nuggets (Steddie Angst)

Eddie Munson was falling hopelessly for Steve Harrington and listening to Steve describe his ideal future only made him fall harder.

notes: angst. it's just angst. i don't usually post my fics so here goes nothing.

word count: 845

Inspired by this tweet: https://twitter.com/BIDERVERSE/status/1549756500586938369?s=20&t=xj7HPfqcsZLp87f8v5Jw9A    

The ride to War Zone had calmed down after the initial commotion of, well, stealing someone’s car and house all at once. Lucas and Max were quietly talking in the back and Dustin and Erica were discussing what supplies they were hoping to gather. Across from them, Eddie sat against the driver’s seat with Robin leaning comfortably against him. The two of them had time in the midst of the chaos to get to know each other and quickly found comfort in each other. Neither of them directly said anything, but when Eddie offhandedly mentioned Rocky Horror Robin’s reaction was a bit too enthusiastic for someone who wasn’t at least a little gay. 

    Their peace was suddenly interrupted when Nancy spoke up from the passenger seat. “How’s it handle?” she asked softly enough not to disturb anyone but loud enough that the pair behind Steve were able to hear her clearly.

    “Not half bad considering that this is a house,” Steve chuckled. There was a pause as if they were both thinking before Steve pipped up again, “You know, it’s silly but I’ve actually um– I’ve always had this dream I’d have this really big family. I’m talking like a full brood of Harringtons. Five, six kids.”

    “Six kids?” Nancy replied shocked. 

    Steve laughed a little to himself again, “Yeah, six little nuggets. Three girls, three boys. And every summer I’d figure all of Harringtons, we’d pack into something like this and just see the country. You know, the Rockies, Grand Canyon, Yellowstone. End up in some beach side town in California, spend a week parked in the sand. Learn how to surf or something.”

    Eddie caught himself smiling thinking about the King Steve Harrington being a father of six. Chasing his three girls and three boys around a beach into the waves and helping each of them learn to swim. Before Eddie could stop himself, suddenly he was on the beach with them too, smiling and laughing with the rest of them. Eddie Munson and Steve Harrington and their six little nuggets. 

    But that was just a stupid fantasy. Never in a million years would a man like Steve Harrington be interested in dating someone like Eddie Munson much less starting a family with him.

    Before he could get any more lost is his fantasy Nancy’s voice pierced his ears again, “That sounds nice.”

    “Yeah?” He couldn’t see Steve’s face but he could picture exactly what he looked like. That dopey little smile where it didn’t quite reach his eyes but they still sparkled. A smile that meant he was really truly happy. A smile that so far Eddie had only seen him give Nancy. But god did he want that smile all for himself.

    Nancy replied softly, “Yeah.” It was almost quiet enough that Eddie didn’t hear her, but he did. There was another pause before Nancy’s tone returned to normal. “Except for the six kid part. That sounds like a total nightmare.”

    Eddie chuckled to himself as he glanced around the RV at the kids. If only Harrington had some kids he’d practiced with. That same moment Steve seemed to read his mind, “If only I had some practice,” his hand appearing in front of Eddie gesturing behind him. 

    Eddie sighed leaning back. Who was he kidding. Steve was so in love with Nancy. Anyone with eyes could tell just by the way he looked at her. Steve Harrington was definitely straight and definitely in love with Nancy Wheeler. Even if Eddie thought he caught him looking at his lips when he was giving him that stupid pep talk about getting Nancy back. God, why did he do that. He knew he liked Harrington by then, but he also knew there wasn’t a chance. Better to see Steve happy with someone else than sad without someone else. 

    Suddenly Eddie felt Robin’s hand on his shoulder and he looked up to see the most forgiving look of pity he’d seen in his life. She looked like she’d seen a kicked puppy and honestly, Eddie felt like one. It may be hidden to everyone else, but Robin could tell Eddie had fallen for Steve and he had fallen hard. Eddie knew Robin was falling too. Not for Steve, but for Nancy. Both of them had heard Steve’s stupid six nuggets fantasy and it was clear Steve and Nancy had some unresolved feelings for each other even if they wouldn’t say it straight out.

    Eddie gave Robin a half hearted smile and readjusted himself against the back of Steve’s seat. She wrapped her arm around his shoulder comfortingly and leaned her head back against his shoulder, just letting him know she was there and they were going to get through these horrible feelings together. 

Eddie closed his eyes and fell asleep dreaming of him and Steve Harrington on a beach in California with their stupid little nuggets. Dustin, Mike, Max, Lucas, and Erica. Maybe even Robin and Nancy would be there together. As he drifted off, no one but Dustin noticed the tears fall from Eddie’s eyes.

[claracivry]

how come u don’t write eddie whump anymore?

you were my go too eddie whump author :(

How come, anon says, how comeeee

Is this the universe allowing me to rant?? Because I want to rant. Read more for rant!

You see, anon, I am a needy and petty little bitch, and that's the main thing of it.

For other characters I sometimes just stop "feeling" them, but I still love Eddie very much and although new boys have happened, I would still happily write whump for him. But!

But.

I have a problem with that part of the fandom. (Did I tell you I am petty?) And that problem is Steddie. I try to get some Eddie is sick content and I get a million words about what a good boyfriend Steve is. I try to get Eddie and Wayne content and is all about what a great ally Wayne is when he finds out about the relationship. I want Eddie content and all I get is relationship content.

And look, I don't dislike Steve. You've read my shorts, he's there, part of the gang, a friend. But the bad thing about Steddie is just it bleeds into everything and all the art, all the headcanons, everything must include Steve and Eddie being boyfriends.

(this is not the first time it happens, either. in previous seasons, when I tried to find Jonathan whump, the most decent things were Jonathan/Nancy/Steve even though the guy has a very nice mom and brother that could offer some comfort after he's hurt)

And!! I don't mind Steve (usually) and I don't mind ships, either, not even in this fandom. Jargyle is cute as fuck. I really enjoyed writing Edancy. But Steddie is a different beast. The whole "if you don't ship them you're blind or homophobic" is really annoying, and I don't enjoy them, sorry.

This is also where me being a needy bitch comes into play. You out your whole writing pussy into something and you get 5 kudos, and someone writing something similar but making it Steddie gets 200 and 20 comments. It's frustrating. It makes me sad. And it's very likely that all those ship fics are better than my little whump and there's simply a larger audience, but idk.

When I stopped writing Eternals there were comments asking there was people wondering where I was, liking everything - since I stopped writing Eddie whump, like four months ago, there's been like five kudos and two anons. It feels like nobody cared that I stopped an almost 90k thing and it hurt my soul. I know you're not supposed to care about feedback, but when everyone else is getting kudos and comments in the hundreds and you get so little, it can be discouraging.

I love Eddie, but every time I want to enjoy some Eddie content there's a wall of Steddie, and that's just not what I want. I do have plans to write some more Eddie things (like a cute little thing where he goes to uni) and could be persuaded to write more whump for him, but I'll have to find my chill with the overwhelming Steddie-ness of the Eddie space.

tl;dr As a gen Eddie whump enjoyer, Steddie has kinda ruined the experience for me and that with the much smaller feedback than seemingly everyone around me made me stop enjoying putting out Eddie whump.

Glad you enjoyed what's out there, however! Knowing there's a few people that really liked those stories really means the world to me, there's some I really like and I'm proud of in there.

ps Sorry about the length of this

ps2 if you know any good non-Steve Jonathan whump, pls tell a girl

ps3 if you read this far, you have my respect and admiration 🫡

[stevethehairington]

I watched stranger things s1 way back when it aired and thought it was pretty good but then couldn’t be bothered to keep watching when s2 came out and haven’t paid it any thought since and yet now after seeing gif after gif of Eddie fucking Munson and reading headcanons and ficlets about steddie on tumblr I’m suddenly in a position where I’ve read at least 300k worth of steddie ao3 fics and I can tell I’m not about to stop any time soon. I still haven’t watched any more of the show. What is this strange power Steve and Eddie hold

omggg i feel this in my BONES. only difference is i have watched all of it (some seasons multiple times hskgsd) BUT. i totally get what you mean. like there is just SOMETHING about eddie goddamn munson. like, they put fucking CRACK in that boy or something lol.

i was a VERY casual fan before s4, like i watched s1 when it first aired too and i really liked it! but it was definitely one of those this is really cool i really dig it but i'm not like obsessed kind of likes. and i got excited about the other seasons too and i binged them all when they came out, but again, super casual!! like once i watched that would be it. i wouldn't really think about it all that much after. i didn't seek out any fan spaces for it, didn't really discuss the plots or analyze it or anything outside of like very general predictions with family and friends who watched too, and i certainly didn't create or write for it at all.

but then season god damn 4. season goddamn 4 and eddie goddamn munson!!!! i fell in LOVE. i got SUCKED IN. i was pulled DEEP. the obsession set innnnn, that funky little dude sunk his claws in deep and dragged me headfirst into a full on stranger things fixation - dedicating my blog to it, reading a million fics, writing a million fics, joining discords, signing up for zines - and i am STILL hooked, 4? 5? months later?

there's just something SO good about eddie and something SO good about steddie!!! steve and eddie just FIT so goddamn WELL it's insane, truly, how complimentary they are to one another. i reblogged a post about it earlier, where it pointed out how steve and eddie so clearly want the same things, how they have plans for the future but those plans are not set in stone, they're flexible, and all that really matters is if they're together and are able to get and give the support they need to. also i feel like they're both SO easy to put into any sort of situation - ESPECIALLY eddie. because like as much as the show gives him plenty of interests and traits and all, he is still SUCH a malleable character, still SO easy to project onto and relate to and to shape into what you want him to be. and that makes for a WONDERFUL canvas to work from.

and honestly, i am SO glad that this did happen, because like i've met so many incredible people through this fandom already and i've had such a good time, and also steddie has sort of like reignited my love for writing too? like, i didn't not love writing before steddie, but i felt like i was sort of in a writing slump for a very long time. like i wrote for other fandoms and pairings but i would never make it past 10 fics (barely even made it past 5 for some!!) and it just wouldn't stick, and i just wasn't coming up with ideas or getting that spark of inspiration. but with steddie ohhh my god!!! it's been FANTASTIC!! i've been writing more the past couple of months than i have the last like 2 years. i've broken the under 10 fics curse with them haha and i have sooo many ideas still. and the response to the fics i have posted has been insane!!! like so good! and i am blown away!!

so yeah, basically i owe eddie munson my goddamn LIFE sjfdhksf

(also, i totally do recommend you watch the rest!! like the show has it's issues and some rocky narrative choices, like all shows do, but overall it is a very enjoyable show and there's a lot of good stuff that comes out of the other seasons too!! ESP season 3, my beloved. scoops steve?? YES. scoops troop team up?? YESS. robin buckley introduction!!! YESSS!!)

[spaceprincessem]

it’s a miracle [we found true north] | 29k buddie fic || ao3 link

{or a slight au where Buck can draw and Eddie is a little undone by it}

all art for the fic made by the lovely @justlovehimanyway

“I was just looking for you,” Buck announces like they’re the only two people in the room. “Do you have a minute?”

Eddie swallows, forces his attention back on Buck’s face and nods. He then clears his throat and lets his shoulders relax (he can’t remember them tensing up), his smile coming easy now, “As long as the alarm doesn’t sound,” he jokes before he sends the bell a challenging look.

Buck laughs, a huff of air before he moves to sit down on the couch. Eddie’s eyes dart over to Chim and Hen, who suddenly look much too interested in their cards for it to be convincing. Eddie doesn’t keep Buck waiting, but with every step he takes his heart beats harder against his ribcage and he has to rub lightly at his chest just to remember how to breathe again. He sits down next to Buck, letting their knees touch, a line of heat from where they are pressed almost too close together for the amount of room left on the couch.

“What’s up?” Eddie asks immediately, stopping himself from burning a hole into Buck’s sketchpad with an anxious gaze.

Buck’s leg begins to bounce as his fingers fiddle with the edge of a loose piece of paper, “It’s nothing special,” Buck shrugs, “it’s just something I like to do for everyone on the team.”

Eddie just raises an eyebrow, not trusting his brain or his mouth to say something that wouldn’t completely embarrass him.

“I um, sort of like to draw,” Buck rubs the back of his neck, cheeks tinting a rosey pink, “and this took me way longer than normal because, well,” he laughs nervously, “I had this idea after the earthquake, you know? But I couldn’t get the moment quite right, so I had to restart it a million times and—”

Eddie thinks Buck would endlessly ramble if given the opportunity, but Eddie feels like he is vibrating out of his fucking skin because he knows what Buck wants to show him and he has never wanted to lay eyes on a piece of paper so badly in his life.

“Buck,” he hears himself say, lays his hand over Buck’s wrist, giving the man a gentle squeeze, “show me.”

Buck exhales slowly, smiles, and then flips his sketchpad open to some page in the middle. He carefully turns it around and passes it over to Eddie’s waiting hands. The groves of the paper are a comforting feeling beneath the pads of Eddie’s fingers and he runs his thumb over Buck’s initials before he allows his eyes to travel up the page to the black and white sketch. There’s a moment where Eddie truly believes his heart actually stops beating because he looks down at the drawing Buck made for him and he wants to cry.

He remembers this moment. He wouldn’t be able to forget it if he tried. The earthquake was one of their first, really bad calls since he joined the 118. Eddie could handle the stress of his job, he’d proven as much in Afghanistan, but not being able to reach Christopher sat like a weight on his chest for far too long. He remembers when they finally made it, Buck taking him by the school where his son was kept safe while the rest of Los Angeles slipped into chaos. He held Christopher close, couldn’t wait to introduce him to his new partner, and carried his son to the Jeep piggyback style. Christopher had told him a joke, something corny that made his face light up, sending a warmth Eddie hardly felt those days down his spine.

This.

This is what Buck drew and Eddie is pretty sure he’s about to lose it.

read the rest on ao3

[keerysquinn]

Anna's End of the Year Review <3

I started this blog back at the beginning of August with one purpose and one purpose only - to share a silly little steddie fic that I wrote at the encouragement of a couple friends after we had a conversation about how we needed to see Eddie in a Scoops Ahoy uniform. It flopped spectacularly. Maybe it's because I posted it the second I started my blog so it never showed up in the tags, or maybe it wasn't actually that good. I honestly don't know. The point is, I never intended to do much else with this blog other than to post the occasional story and maybe read a fanfic or two myself. But, I have gotten so much more out of this blog than I could have ever imagined. In an effort to not clog up the dash, all of my thank yous and declarations of love will be under the cut.

First and foremost, I need to thank @thefreakymunson and @xcatnapsx. Without your encouragement, this blog wouldn't exist, I wouldn't be writing fic, and there are a lot of really great things in my life that I just wouldn't have. I don't know if I can ever truly thank you enough for that.

@quinnkeerys, you truly are my other half, and I am so lucky to have you in my life. Every day, I am more and more surprised by how much we share a brain, and I couldn't have found a better person to be the Robin to my Steve. Thank you for encouraging my screaming about our rarepairs. You have made me such a better writer with your contributions and brainstorming, and the road trip au would not be the same without you as my co-author. I love you bunches and bunches, and I can't wait to yell even more about cheerscoops and our beloved little scrunkly with you this year.

In the same vein, I have to thank @hellfirehoe and @bowerquinn. Sarah starting that group chat so the four of us could unapologetically be the slut squad that we've become is one of the very best things that has happened to me since starting this blog. The three of you have talked me down from stupid anxiety and supported my ramblings, and I appreciate it more than I can say. I know that I can always come to you with anything without judgement. You're my ride or dies, and I love you all so damn much.

@creelhousesteve, thank you for being my first friend on tumblr. I know we haven't talked as much as of late, but you always brighten up my dash, and I have enjoyed sharing Steve headcanons with you so much.

@heroeddiemunson, you dragged me kicking and screaming into that edancy trashcan, and I am so grateful for that because some of my very best ideas have come out of shipping these two idiots. Thank you for encouraging my brainrot and making it a million times worse.

It would take too long for me to tag everyone in the jq server, the edancy trashcan, and the stranger things writers server that has had an impact on me, and I'm too afraid that I would miss someone, so please know that I appreciate all of you so much.

And a big thank you to everyone who read and supported "Coffee Cups and Unconditional Love." That story is one of my greatest achievements, and I poured my entire soul into that one. The outpouring of love for that fic is something I never expected, and reading everyone's comments brightens my day - even the ones telling me that I'm evil and I owe you therapy money.

And to all of my followers, whether you've been here since the beginning or you're just finding me now, thank you for choosing to support my chaotic lttle corner of the internet.

Here's to another year of writing and obsessing over my blorbos. I hope you'll all stick around for the chaos. <3

[mothmanhamlet]

kiss me!

fandom: It (mainly the 2017/19 movies even though at my heart i am a miniseries believer)

pairing: reddie

word count: 12k

summary:

The thing that spawned inside of his stomach felt like both an explosion and a pit at the same time, the way that a supernova creates a black hole. He felt like there was one of those just underneath his ribcage as he realized two things in rapid succession.

One: he really wanted to kiss Eddie.

Two: he was, under no circumstances, allowed to kiss Eddie.

OR

five times richie almost kisses eddie and one time... something else happens

Its been 10 million years and i finally wrote a fic! read it on ao3 here: https://archiveofourown.org/works/45024529

preview under the cut

5 (age 6)

It was the first day of school and a kid was sitting by himself on the bench next to the swing. Which, obviously, made no sense to Richie.

He was at the top of the slide when he noticed, eyes catching him just before he could push himself down. He was small, even compared to Richie who was already short for his age. He looked tidier than any of the other kids, his bright blue shirt crisp and his khaki shorts unwrinkled. Richie’s mom would have loved him, she was always getting on his case about how dirty his clothes were.

The strangest part was that he wasn’t even crying or anything. Khaki-boy’s face was completely blank, unlike any of the other kids who had sobbed at the disappearance of their parents that morning. He could understand that. If he wasn’t so tough he maybe would have shed a tear himself.

It seemed stupid to Richie, as he sped down the hot metal slide. Why would you choose to be bored? Didn’t he have friends to be playing with?

It then occurred to Richie that he might not have friends to play with.

And, well, he wasn’t going to let that happen. His parents always told him that if a kid looked lonely, he should go up and talk to them and make friends. He hadn’t really ever had to make friends, seeing as his mom was friends with Stan’s mom and Bill came as a package deal with Stan once they started preschool. That was still two more friends than this kid seemed to have, which made him the expert. He figured he could probably wing it.

As confidently as he could, he walked up to the kid. He looked up, face scrunched in suspicion, as Richie approached. He held out his hand for a handshake, the polite way his dad always did.

“Do you want to play dinosaurs with me?”

The kid scoffed at him.

“No.”

Richie was incredibly offended.

“What? Why not?” The kid glared at him.

“Because you’re gross,” the kid explained, like Richie was a dumb two year old, “my mom said that all the other kids had nasty diseases and I should stay away from you.”

This was shocking. Richie had never been so slandered in his whole entire life.

“I am not gross!” Richie protested, folding his arms up, “Maybe all the other kids are, but I’m not! Bill and Stan aren’t gross either!”

“Are too,” the kid countered, “I saw you eating glue earlier.”

And, ok, he did eat glue. But he was a scientist! He had to know what it tasted like! For science! He decided then and there he had to get back at him. He couldn’t let this stand!

“Fine,” Richie said, hatching a devious little device, “you’re right. I do have a bunch of diseases. You know what I have? Cooties. And I am going to give them. All. To. You.”

Richie pointed his finger at the kid to emphasize his point. He looked confused but recoiled all the same.

“What are cooties?” The kid asked, sounding like Richie had just served him a huge plate of broccoli.

“I just told you! It’s a disease!” Richie inched closer to him, crowding him into the bench, “Do you wanna know how you get it?”

The kid looked disgusted, but now a little bit scared. He whipped his arm away from where Richie was almost touching it on the bench. Shakily, he nodded.

“Kissing!” Richie threatened gleefully. A look of utmost horror dawned on the kid’s face.

Richie leaned in and the kid screeched before he could even get close.

[chronicowboy]

2022 writing review

so its 2023, so what? better to review a year with a little bit of distance methinks

tagged by @kitkatpancakestack hope ur 2023 is going well so far muah <3

1. Number of stories posted to AO3: 42 oh lord

2. Word count posted for the year: 297,700 (mortifying)

3. Fandoms I wrote for: 9-1-1

4. Pairings: buck/eddie

5. Story with the most: 

kudos: please? (can't say no) 1,220 kudos

bookmarks: the persistence of memory 386 bookmarks

comment threads: the persistence of memory 119 threads

6. Work I’m most proud of (and why): ooooof i was gonna say the persistence of memory just because of the sheer word count and that i love the story but im actually really proud of my gilmore girls au all you have to do is call my name (i'll be there) because i wrote 40k words in under a week and for once i wasn't wondering about if people would read it i wrote it for me (and my beloved elke) honourable mentions to 1001 reasons to not get drunk with your sister's boyfriend and any of my ravi pov fics because they're silly but i love them all the same and my amnesia collection

7. Work I’m least proud of (and why): hmmm probably we don't go through the glass doors because it was half-formed but i still posted it, i basically just saw that gif of peeta pressing his forehead against the forcefield for katniss in the jabberjay scene and i was like but what if it was buddie and yeah i just do not know why i posted it ig

8. Share or describe a favorite review you received: any comments i've had saying that i should be a writer for the show makes me want to scream such as "this is soooooooooooo good!!!! its so perfectly and wonderfully devastating and heartbreaking and emotional and warm and soft. you write the firefam's dialogue SOOO WELL! they should add you as a staff writer tbh. ❤❤❤❤❤❤" on (tpom surefire way to make me happy is to compliment my dialogue and the 118 dynamics)

9. A time when writing was really, really hard: at the moment tbh i have so much uni work to do and an original piece of fiction im 200+ pages into and i'm trying to do all of that at once so the fic has fallen to the wayside a little

10. A scene or character you wrote that surprised you: god this is really difficult and it definitely doesn't help that i can barely remember anything about my fics but um i guess character-wise its a surprise whenever i write taykay as an actual character rather than just a mention through gritted teeth lol but um scene-wise maybe just my whole albert pov fic what are you doing home? we thought you were babysitting just because its not something i'd normally write (eddie is only mentioned how uncharacteristic of me!!)

11. A favourite excerpt of your writing: oh god um i am so proud of lots of bits to my writing so i'm going to try to limit myself

just all of my surrealism weaved into 9-1-1, what's your fantasy? to kind of hint that buck's dreaming

the realisation scene in flatpack furniture and a djungelskog

"It'll be pretty cool, right?" Eddie's talking, but Buck can barely hear it over the static ringing in his ears. "To look at it and know that we made it together—"

You don't find it, son, you make it.

Its nothing special. Its nothing out of the ordinary.

There's nobody in this world I trust more with my son than you.

There's an Alan key sitting in his open palm, ever so slightly warmed by Eddie's hand.

I know you did.

Its nothing special. Its nothing out of the ordinary.

You two have an adorable son.

Eddie passes him tools at work all the time without him asking. They've suffered the telepathy jokes a million times.

Shouldn't it be when you're at your worst, they're at their worst, you have every reason to give up and you still decide you want to try again.

this scene from the only try day is wednesday because i originally hated this fic until i reread this moment

The picture catches the flames, curling up at the bottom corners, colours melting away and consuming Eddie and Christopher whole before finally, finally taking Buck too.

Because that's the thing. If Eddie is in there, if he's— Then that's what's going to happen. The fire takes Eddie first. Then, Christopher. Christopher who loses two parents and gets stuck with a Buck, a Buck he'll grow to resent because Buck's the reason Eddie was here in the first place, because Buck didn't save Eddie. So, the fire will take Buck finally.

And it will take him violently. It will ravage him, turn him to ash and sift it through their fingers until he's nothing but a few chunks of burnt bone. It will take him, consume him, ruin him. And he'll be dead, in every way that counts. He's already dying now.

Buck refuses to let it happen.

He'll die. He'll die before Chris can resent him because that would finish him off. Losing Christopher, losing Christopher to hatred and loathing, that would kill him. And that death would be much more violent than any chaos fire could wreak.

this scene in memory (all alone in the moonlight)

"Eddie, can we not do this?" Sighing, Buck looks up at the ceiling. "I'm missing five years of my life. I feel like shit. I really don't need you coming in here acting all weird."

Eddie lets out a breath and takes a step forward.

"What do you need from me, Buck?"

And, fuck, that question really shouldn't bring tears to his eyes, but. But Buck's spent his whole life being the one asking that question and now he doesn't even know the person who knows him well enough to ask it.

"I need my best friend." He whispers.

Eddie's face crumbles and he crosses the space between them in three steps, settling onto the edge of the bed and pulling Buck into his chest. Buck clutches at his Henley as he tries to compose himself, but Eddie's hand settles heavy at the base of his skull.

"Hey, don't do that." Eddie murmurs. "Just let it go, Buck."

And so, Buck breaks—for the second time in as many days—in a relative stranger's arms.

Eventually, when the tears have subsided and Buck finds the energy to be embarrassed about dirtying Eddie Diaz's shirt with snot and tears, he sits back in his bed and scrubs at his face.

"Thanks." He rasps.

"You don't have to thank me for that, Buck." Eddie offers him a cup of water and a handful of tissues. "I know you don't remember it, but we promised to have each other's backs and I don't plan on breaking that anytime soon."

"Fuck." Buck wipes at his eyes with the tissues until Eddie pries it from his hand and takes over for him, soft and gentle enough to have the tears springing to life all over again. "I really want to hate you." Eddie laughs.

12. How did you grow as a writer this year: honestly just sheer volume of writing, for most of my writing life i was always so perfectionist and adamant that i couldn't move on until this one project was polished and perfect but this year i've written and written and written and let myself abandon projects and have rough first drafts yknow

13. How do you hope to grow next year: hmm idk really maybe just write even more and branch out a little in what i'm writing

14. Who was your greatest positive influence this year as a writer (could be another writer, beta, cheerleader, etc): @danielsousa my love, my heart, my rock!!!!! honestly probably wouldn't have written half as much if it weren't for elke cheering me on for the gilmore girls au and sending me screenshots of my writing that made her want to kill me

15. Anything from your real life show up in your writing this year: oh much i'm sure, i put myself into everything i write intentionally or not just because its such a personal thing for me but um in persistence of memory all the timeloop media references and agents of shield as i have always been reference specifically

16. Any new wisdom you can share with other writers: read and write! nothing is ever going to help you as much as that. read fics yes, but read books and poetry anthologies and non-fiction! and write! write fic, write shitty poetry in your notes app, write short fiction, start a book. in the wise words of shia la boeuf JUST DO IT

17. Any projects you’re looking forward to starting (or finishing) in the new year: ohhh okay so i have plans for two very big buddie aus an agents of shield au where fitzsimmons are technically henchim but buddie gets their romantic scenes, and then a national treasure au because i am a SUCKER for those films and chimney as riley is something that can be soooo personal

18. Tag some writers whose answers you’d like to read: ummm just anyone who wants to do this?? feel free to say i tagged you because my brain isn't working!!

[finduilasclln]

Welcome to my Buddie Fic Rec List!

Since I read so many Buddie fics, and some of them are so good, I thought I’d share them in some handy lists. I’ll be posting them in different categories, and you will be able to find all the posts HERE.

Disclaimer: Always read the tags and warnings! Also, tastes differ. These are my personal favorites, which doesn’t mean they’ll automatically be yours of course. If you want to reblog and add some of your own favorites that fit the category, please be my guest! I always love discovering new fics. I will also add new recs of my own whenever I stumble upon them.

One last thing: Please like and comment when you’ve had a nice read. It means so much to authors to hear your thoughts! And don’t hesitate to share this post and spread the love for these fics around!

Buddie Fic Rec: "Getting Together".

I could read about them falling in love and getting together a million times...

falling, by elisela (@elisela) || 1298 words ||

Buck’s looking at him again. “It’s beautiful, isn’t it?"

“Yeah,” Eddie breathes, not looking at the view at all. He runs his thumb over the birthmark above Buck’s eye, then, gently, down to the one on his eyelid before moving his hand back into Buck’s hair.

Take Another Little Pizza My Heart, by Phraekycat || 6491 words ||

In which Buck helps Christopher with his Valentines for school, and discovers some things about himself.

OR

Buck is oblivious, but Eddie loves him anyway.

Mother's Day Blues, by hideeho (@agentlemuse) || 2983 words ||

It's the first Mother's Day since Shannon's death and Eddie's parents are in town. He's handling it as well as you'd expect. Fortunately he has Buck on his side.

die for you in secret, by extasiswings (@extasiswings) || 8046 words ||

Eddie Diaz is very good at being in love with his best friend. Which means, when Buck finds a baby and everything changes, Eddie is committed to doing anything he can to make sure Buck has whatever he needs.

If that means locking his heart away for a little while longer—or forever—he’ll do it.

It's probably for the best anyway.

[Companion fic to keep my brittle heart warm (give me peace)]

Medicine Man, by LovelyLittleGrim (@lovelylittlegrim) || 4152 words ||

Buck doesn't know what to do when Eddie kisses him on the forehead the first time (or the second time) but he does know he wants him to do it again.

i think i might have inhaled you, by aresaphrodites (@aresaphrodites) || 25994 words ||

How do you tell your best friend that you're actually in love with them? If you're Evan Buckley, you don't.

17 Steps to Inevitability, by allyasavedtheday (@littlespooneven) || 12024 words ||

Eddie doesn't plan for Buck to become part of his and Christopher's family; it just sort of happens. He doesn't plan to fall in love with Buck either; that just sort of happens too.

you can tell everybody this is your song, by woodchoc_magnum (@woodchoc-magnum) || 492714 words ||

"It's not a date if Chris is here with us."

At that, Buck's eyebrows flew up, and his face went pale. "A… date?"

Eddie nodded, a little nervously. "Yeah. This is a date."

as ordinary things often do, by hattalove (@hattalove) || 3997 words ||

“Uh, Chim,” he says, “why would we be kissing each other in the first place?”

“Oh, no reason,” Chimney shrugs. “That’s why I figured you’d be on board. Just don’t kiss each other for a week, which you already do. Easy money.”

spoiler: it's not easy money.

it always leads to you, by woodchoc_magnum (@woodchoc-magnum) || 24984 words ||

Missing scenes from Season 2 onwards, in which Buck becomes a fixture in the Diaz household, and he and Eddie unwittingly build a family together.

And fall in love, of course.

paint me a heaven with your bloodied mouth, by extasiswings (@extasiswings) || 3345 words ||

Buck.

Four letters. One syllable.

Eddie knows it’s a nickname. He doesn’t know why Buck picked it or why Buck seems to use it exclusively, but he figures it isn’t really his business. And also that it probably isn’t that deep—all of them use nicknames at work or otherwise in their daily lives. Eddie himself might find it weird if anyone outside of his immediate family suddenly started using his full name regularly after so many years of only rarely hearing it from anyone else.

So. Eddie calls Buck Buck. And he doesn’t think anything of it.

At least…not at first.

Let's not sleep together, by lasvegas_lights (@starlingbite) || 5047 words ||

It's been a month since Eddie left and Buck hasn't spoken to him since. The whole thing has left Buck angry, work just isn't the same and he's not sleeping. Turns out Eddie isn't sleeping either.

A.K.A: Six late-night conversations between Buck and Eddie after 5x10.

must be some kind of twist, I can get used to this, by soyxunxperdedor || 38794 words ||

He doesn’t remember much from last night, even less after the fourth or fifth tequila shot. So he certainly doesn’t remember bringing someone back to his room.

He steels himself for the lancing pain and cracks his eyes open.

Oh. Oh no.

This is either really bad or… Well, not really good, but just. Not really bad, and that’s probably all Buck can ask for it to be.

Because Eddie is in his bed, Eddie’s arm is wrapped around his waist, Eddie’s legs are tangled with his. And he has no idea why.

baby, say you'll always keep me, by hattalove (@hattalove) || 8251 words ||

“Yeah,” Eddie says, and the darkness behind his eyelids takes on a white edge. “Be good. Nice to be married,” he yanks on Buck’s t-shirt, “best friend.”

Finally, Buck takes a breath that sounds off somehow, but he laughs too, and that sounds normal, Eddie thinks. A normal laugh.

“Sure, Eds,” he says, and there’s his hand in Eddie’s hair again, a puff of breath on the crown of Eddie’s head like Buck leaned in to press a kiss there and then stopped, but why would he stop—“I’ll marry you if you remind me tomorrow.”

or the one in which joking about being married to your best friend is all fun and games, right up until you realize that you're not laughing.

stranger sunlight, still, by mmtion (@mmtions) || 64541 words ||

When the 118 find out about Buck’s secret thirst account on Instagram – to raise fire safety awareness, obviously – they make fun of him the appropriate amount and move on. Eddie, who has had some recent and birthmark-shaped revelations about his feelings, finds it a little harder to do the same.

Of course, Eddie would never invade Buck’s privacy by searching for and finding the anonymous account. Or looking at all the uploaded photos late at night. Or even directly messaging Buck’s secret account. That would be weird, because he’s certainly not planning on doing anything about his newfound attraction.

However, anonymous account @elbombero118 has no such limitations.

from the ashes, by casfallsinlove (@oliverstarked) || 7038 words ||

It makes the breath catch in Buck’s lungs. He doesn’t know how it’s possible when he’s just spoken to him but suddenly he misses Eddie with such a fierce intensity that it leaves him aching. He presses the phone to his chest so hard it hurts, but he wants the words inside of him, wants them bruised onto his skin and scratched into his ribs. You’re the love of my fucking life, he wants to say back. What he actually types is just as honest.

Sent 10:53pm I miss you.

-

In which Buck's father dies and Buck takes the long way home.

something to hold onto, by foxwatson (@eddiediazes) || 5185 words ||

There’s about a palm’s width of distance between Eddie’s knee and Buck’s thigh, where they’re both sitting on Eddie’s couch. It would barely take any movement at all for Eddie to just nudge his leg over a little further, press their knees together and let his rest there.

or the one where frank tells eddie he should work on letting himself want things, and eddie starts by cuddling with buck

let go of that whipping post, by foxwatson (@eddiediazes) || 4241 words ||

Eddie comforts Buck after a nightmare - only it's less like the nightmares Buck is used to, and more like a stress dream. Thankfully, just like always, Eddie seems to know exactly what Buck needs without Buck even being able to say that he needs it.

[ad1thi]

2020 fic recs!! [Part 1]

this idea was stolen from @iam93percentstardust cuz i just,,,thought that this year was absolute shit and it would be nice to make a fic rec list of fics from this year that helped me through it. this will be over a range of fandoms and ships, but all fics were written this year. 

fics are ordered by the month they were published. ive tried to keep to five fics per month, but this is not obviously all the fics ive read that month - i just didn’t want to make this insanely long. 

im releasing the first half of this on the 1st of December, and the second half on the 1st of January 2021 - because otherwise it would just get so long (and also so i will actually have fics for December)

happy reading!! hopefully you find fics on this you haven’t read yet

***

January

The cat is mighty dignified (until the dog comes by): @five-wow

Steve and Danny find them on the pillow in the corner of the dining area, where Eddie is on his side, ass half on the floor because the pillow is more cat-sized than lab-sized, and Pickles is nestled between Eddie’s front legs, essentially being spooned and looking very I-got-the-cream about it. Pickles’ head is tucked into the crook of Eddie’s neck and Eddie’s head slots perfectly on top of Mr. Pickles’, like a furry jigsaw puzzle.

“They’re cuddling,” Steve points out, unnecessarily.

Or: There is a love story unfolding under the McGarrett roof.

Captain ‘Socialist Rage Muffin’ America: @baffledkingcomposinghallelujah

It takes three months of dating Steve Rogers for Tony to understand why Aunt Peggy once shot at him in sheer frustration.

Alternately titled, Honey, I committed treason again.

The Best Laid Plans (Of Mice and Men): @arboreal-elm-ash-oak

His Dark Materials AU

It was Annalise who noticed their small visitor first.

“Tony,” the spider daemon said softly, skittering up the collar of his dress shirt, two of her eight legs resting delicately against his cheek, “Don’t startle them, but I believe we have a guest. Look, by the coffee table.”

Fourteen Million to One: @tunastorks

Six months after Thanos, six months after Tony’s death, six months after Steve returns to his own timeline, Tony Stark turns up on their doorstep.

Brewed Awakening: @iam93percentstardust

Two years after he comes out of the ice, Steve is drifting through life. On his teammate's recommendation, he decides to go back to school where he meets the grandson of an old friend. He finds happiness with Tony but Steve won't be in Boston forever and someone is out to hurt the Starks. Will Steve and Tony be able to reach their happily ever after?

February

the young, the reckless and the foolish: @bruciewayne

In most universes, they don't know each other, not in the slightest, or they hate each other, in a way that's perfectly logical for anyone who were to find themselves in a similar situation.

In this one, they've known each other since they were four years old and naively idealistic.

This is them over the years, against the odds.

a giant sign: @areiton

“Think you can get him to open the weapons division up again?” his CO asks, his voice hungry and Rhodey laughs because this--

“No. Tony hung up his weapons.”

“That’s not what the suit says,” his CO objects, and Rhodey shrugs.

Tony has always had rules, rules he expects the entire world to live by.

And then there was Rhodey, slipping under them.

my heart is driftwood, floating down your coast: @nethandrake

Tonight, there’s a stranger in his backseat. That’s not unusual.

He’s also sad. That’s not unusual either.

What is unusual is that the stranger is silent.

(One night, a stranger enters Steve's taxi. Nothing is the same again.)

Just A Cold: @/delighted 

There’s a new text waiting for him. It’s from Steve of course, and it’s vaguely threatening as most messages from Steve are these days. Still Danny ignores it, and now he’s really playing with fire. Maybe it’ll burn the cold out of him.

Or, Danny’s sick, and Steve can’t stay away. The usual comfort fluff. With a little cameo from a gently meddling Grace.

An Unexpected Guide: @/Rachel500

Danny Williams has hidden his Guide status to keep being a detective, but his time of hiding is up when he unexpectedly finds his Sentinel, Steve McGarrett in the midst of a tragedy.

March

Why don’t we (Collide the spaces that divide us): @five-wow

When they finally catch sight of each other again through the milling crowds, they’re both a little worse for wear. Danny’s left side is covered in glitter and every time he brushes a hand over his hair, more blue and purple confetti rains down. Steve is- Well, Steve is randomly shirtless, which is all things considered not excessively remarkable, but he’s also covered in smudges of colorful paint and has a very nicely printed bloodred lipstick kiss mark on his cheek.

“What did you do?” Danny asks, because it looks like Steve had a lot more fun than he did.

Or: Steve and Danny accidentally end up in the middle of something entirely new.

A Little Unsteady: @finduilasclln 

Written for the Tumblr prompt meme : "Hey! I was gonna eat that!"

Tony lashes out at Bucky for eating his dessert. Only, it really isn't about the dessert.

a national treasure: @starklysteve

Steve isn't looking for an apple and Tony decides his passion is to inspire young souls. -x- OR: the AU where Tony is a Youtuber and Steve is Captain America and somehow they still save the world together.

April

cycle through: @ambivalentmarvel

Twenty-five years ago, Tony Stark disappeared from his family home a month after the tragic deaths of his parents, Howard and Maria Stark, leaving a billion-dollar tech conglomerate without an heir and the world wondering what happened.

Twenty-three years ago, HYDRA gained another super soldier.

Ten years ago, Peter Parker’s parents died in what is ruled as a home invasion gone wrong but he knows was murder, plain and simple, because he spoke to the killer.

And in the present, Project Insight fails, and the Iron Soldier pays the price.

FOREVER-LOVE YOU-I: @/Eudoxia

Tony Stark is twenty-one when he loses his voice. It shouldn't matter, but in a world where the first words your Soulmate says to you are marked on your skin, it can be pretty damn annoying.

Especially for Tony's soulmate.

--

Companion piece to my fic Thumb, Index, and Pinky Extended. This is Steve's POV, with a few extra scenes, as a treat.

(Edit: Sorry if you guys get multiple notifications for this. I just realized (about two hours after posting it) that I fucked up the grammar in the title and I HAD to fix it. YOLO, I guess.)

come build a home out of me: @maguna-stxrk

Steve clears his throat.

“What if I went with you?” he asks nonchalantly, like his heart isn’t threatening to beat out of his ribcage.

Tony blinks a few times, looking at Steve, his mouth ajar. “As a— As my date?”

“Yeah.” Steve nods, feeling a little breathless.

“You don’t mind?” Tony furrows his eyebrows.

“I don’t. In fact, you can just tell them I’m your boyfriend. I’m sure they’ll back off, wouldn’t they?”

What.

“I— Huh?” Tony stares at him, brown eyes blown wide open.

What. What. What.

“Huh? Uh, I mean— You know, that way people will see that you have definitely moved on. Monica will see that you have moved on. Right?” Steve smiles, hoping that it masks his inner panic, because what?

Steve Rogers, what have you done?

i don’t have a choice (but i’d still choose you): @nethandrake

There’s a name inked onto his chest, a name written in an all-too familiar scrawl. And it’s— It’s—

Steve doesn’t realize his body is quaking until he’s tracing the tattoo with a shaky finger.

Because of course that is the name etched into the skin. Like a brand, a reminder for everything he has done. An appropriate retribution.

Anthony Edward Stark.

(When Thanos snaps half of the universe away, he unknowingly leaves the other half with soulmarks.)

ua haʻalele ʻoe iaʻu (a ua hoʻomālamalama ʻoe iaʻu): @just-fandomthings

"The truth is, I was shot in the chest and nearly died, and not even three days after I was released from the hospital, you up and left-- and of those two, I'm not sure which one hurt me worse!"

(Coda to 10x22 because come on, we all need a better ending than the one given to us.)

Title loosely translates to: "You left me in the dark (you lit me up)" -- inspired by the brilliant song "Say You Won't Let Go" by James Arthur

May

A Piece Of The Past: @hddnone

It had been so many years since Bucky had gone undercover in the Stark family's mob, he thought he'd gotten away clean.

Then Tony Stark slid into the seat across from him at his breakfast diner, and Bucky's boss has a new case for him.

the privilege of loving you: @starklysteve

“Why won’t you let me touch you?”

It’s a desperate plea, half-shouted and half-whispered, Steve’s voice cracking at the end. Tony stops in his tracks, halfway to the stairs. He doesn’t dare to turn back, and he really doesn’t want to fight, or to leave, to spend the last month of his life away from his husband and their son. But Steve can’t know, can he?

-x-

Or: Tony has palladium poisoning, but he doesn't tell Steve and Peter

your pillow feels so soft now (but still you must advance): @firebrands

When Bruce is 13, he decides to go to boarding school. It's an opportunity for him to learn about other people, and how to interact with them.

Bruce has the misfortune of meeting Tony Stark upon his arrival in Roxbury. Bruce is moving into his room, and Tony opens the door of his room to watch. He looks a bit younger than Bruce, hair wild and eyes bright. Bruce has never seen a boy like him before—handsome and confident.

Bruce doesn’t like it.

IMPORTANT: This fic has them meeting at 14, then progresses slowly until they’re 17. Includes underage drinking and kissing.

This is set before Bruce becomes Batman and Tony becomes Iron Man and I have no explanation as to how or why they just DO Canonically, Bruce is 17 when he finishes school and goes around the world to train, so we're sticking with that

The Real MVP: @sword-and-stars (part of a series)

[“I have saved this Tuesday!” Sokka announces, rattling the bag upon reentry.

Zuko doesn’t even look up from his phone as he deadpans, “It’s Thursday.”

Okay, so Sokka is still having trouble getting his days right without checking. At least he’s gone back to sleeping at night! Going to bed at night is way easier when you have a cute, cuddly boyfriend who starts falling asleep around eleven o’clock. It also helps that he and Zuko are on solid gold butt-touching terms.

It’s been a while since Sokka has been on butt-touching terms with someone and it’s amazing.]

Or,

Sokka knows a guy, gets laid, and introduces Zuko to the merits of an afternoon delight.

When is a bed not a bed? (When you’re not in it): @riotwritesthings

There’s a tiny safe house, with one tiny window and one tiny couch.

And one tiny little bed.

June

Nice Fingers: @anthonyed

A single compliment given by Tony stirs Bucky restless until he caves in and asks him out on a date.

With Steve’s help of course (whether he likes it or not).

The Darkest Touch: @starkrogerrs

This is the story of how Steve finds that it has been ordained that he is to marry a monster he cannot resist aka the God of Love himself, Tony.

It's Cupid x Psyche retold, but with thrice the amount of porn.

The Night Shift:  @weethreequarter

Welcome to the Emergency Department of San Antonio General where Dr. Tony Stark joins the team fresh from his most recent tour in Afghanistan and - much to the consternation of the other staff - strikes up an instant rapport with Nurse Steve Rogers. Meanwhile, new resident Bruce Banner refuses to give up on his patient, and Dr. Sharon Carter learns something from her own patients. Throw in a pissed off hospital administrator, Clint using the coffee pot as a mug again, and a major car crash and you have, well, just another night shift.

Wind Beneath My Wings: @iam93percentstardust

Sam first meets Tony Stark in 2005 when he joins the EXO-7 Falcon program.

In jest: @/apathyinreverie

“No, babe,” Danny shakes his head with a grin. “If the apocalypse were to go down while I’m elsewhere for some godforsaken reason, then you stay put and I’m coming to wherever you are.” His grin widens. “And I expect you to have cleared any aliens or zombies or whatever else might be messing with us off the island and to have set up a nice, comfortable military dictatorship for us to rule over by the time I get back.”

It’s a joke.

Of course it’s a joke.

Until it isn’t.

(A the-day-after-tomorrow-style apocalypse AU, where the world decides to end right when Danny is visiting one of the other islands with Grace. Because, of course, it does.)

[wackybuddiemewbs]

Random Buddie Fic Snippets - Shadow

AKA, it's me, back on my regular bullshit. This is part of a fic that continues to ghost through my Word files, mocking me relentlessly. And now I pass the mocking on. Bon appétit. Basic idea is that Buck disappeared after the lawsuit without a trace. For mysterious reasons.

Eddie breaks into a run the moment he parks the car. He still can’t believe it that some asshole tried to blow himself up on a plaza in bright daylight, the same plaza Chris and his friend from school went to on exactly that day. His ears had been glued to the radio throughout the drive as he got announcement after announcement, one more horrifying than the other.

“The man has a bomb belt.”

“He has taken a hostage.”

“A young woman.”

“Special forces have been blocked due to traffic.”

“A man stepped in.”

“They struggle. There is a knife.”

“There is blood.”

“Both men are going down.”

Eddie shakes those thoughts off, pushes them as far back as he possibly can as he runs through the masses of people gathered around the plaza. Because apparently, even a guy with a bomb strapped to his chest will get peoples’ attention more than it will get their survival instincts to run the hell away from a bomb.

He runs into Deborah, the mom of Christopher’s friend, nearly misses her, then halts. His ears are whooshing, his heart is pounding so hard he can feel it in his throat. She keeps rambling on about stuff he doesn’t care about. And if he wasn’t a first responder who knows better, Eddie would want to shake her right now to just say it straight: Where is Christopher? Is he okay? Because that’s the info he needs to know how to get his feet to work again.

If this were Buck, I’d have all info in the first three seconds of…

Eddie stops himself. Buck is no longer with them. He left, which is why his son is at the plaza with Deborah and her two kids rambling on.

At last, at last, between the many sorrys, Deborah can finally bring herself to say that Christopher is fine, which makes even less sense to Eddie. Because if he was fine, then why wasn’t he with her? Isn’t she supposed to be watching him?

“He’s by the ambulances. He wouldn’t leave.”

Eddie isn’t sure he says something in reply to Deborah before he starts running again, though he reckons she won’t hold it against him. Even if she does, he doesn’t bother to care. Eddie needs to get to his son. Maybe Christopher was hoping to see some familiar faces. Maybe he’s waiting for his dad to jump out of one of the trucks.

Eddie can finally slip through the onlookers to the ambulances. Just as he takes off running again, he can hear Christopher shouting shrilly. While his son screaming is not exactly calming, it makes Eddie breathe a little easier. He is alive. He can hear him. Everything else, he can fix.

Eventually, Eddie finds his son sitting on top of a gurney halfway rolled into the back of one of the ambulance cars. Next to him stands a very frustrated paramedic, trying to reason with Christopher to climb off the gurney and let go of the someone actually lying on the gurney. Though Christopher holds on as if his life depended on it.

What is going on here?

“Christopher!” he shouts as he approaches.

The paramedic turns around as he sees him come near. “Hey, you are from the 118, right?”

“Yes, Eddie Diaz,” he confirms. “That’s my son. Is he okay?”

“He is fine, he just won’t let me load up the guy I’m supposed to take to the hospital,” the paramedic laments, pointing at his son holding on to the person’s lower leg like a little monkey to a tree branch.

“Christopher! I”

“Dad!”

“I told you that you can’t be in the way of paramedics working! They got to help people who are hurt,” Eddie says. While he doesn’t want to upset his son, he knows that there is due order, and Christopher is disrupting it.

Eddie motions past the opened door of the ambulance car.

“I am not letting go of Buck!”

Buck?

Eddie blinks, tears his gaze up, forgets how to breathe all over again.

“Hi, Eddie.”

“Buck.”

Buck is on the gurney, shirt cut open, his side bandaged, seeping some blood. The guy who went in after the bomber took the hostage – Evan Buckley. His former colleague, former best friend, the guy who’d told him instantly if Christopher was okay, who never would have left him out of sight – until he did. The man who disappeared after the lawsuit. The man he hasn’t seen in over a year.

He can tell that this is actually Buck. Just that it isn’t. He looks nothing like the always cheery, smiling guy who lit up any room he entered. Sure, the face is still the same, Eddie would know that birthmark anywhere. And yet… there is no spark to his blue eyes. His hair is cut as short as it will go. Eddie can tell that he has even more muscle to him than he used to, even before the firetruck exploded and he was in top shape. But what makes it so much worse is to see the distance, the way he can’t seem to hold on to Christopher but tries to gently keep him away. Because nothing in this world would prevent him from letting that kid close to him.

At least we all thought. But that man is full of surprises, we learned. Even more so now.

This is Even Buckley, but he looks like a strange version of himself dropped off in the wrong universe.

Like a ghost.

Like the ghost Chimney said he saw in that burning building the other day.

Could it be…?

“Could you please talk to your son?” the paramedic interjects, pulling Eddie out of his thoughts abruptly. “I get he’s scared for your friend, but we can finally get moving again after the traffic was re-navigated and he needs to go the hospital.”

“I already told you that the guy didn’t hit anything vital, Jack,” Buck scoffs. Normally, Eddie would say that this is Buck as he knows him, but there is that edge in his voice all of a sudden that puts him on that same edge. The words come out just the same way, the voice is the same, but they ring hollow, they never make it to his eyes.

“He knifed you, dude.”

“I used to like you until a hot second ago, man.”

“Buck?” Eddie asks simply. The younger man’s eyes instantly flicker back to him, and Eddie can see his sudden discomfort as he bows his head.

“For the love of God, either you take your son, or you take him inside so we can drive!” Jack shouts.

“We’re going with you, Buck!” Christopher screams, holding on even tighter.

Eddie decides right at that moment. Okay, he doesn’t really. His body does as he grabs Christopher and gets him off Buck’s leg under much protest. Jack loads Buck inside – and then Eddie climbs in with Christopher in his arms right after. He ignores the protests coming from buck all the same.

“Fuckin’ finally,” Jack groans, setting everything up.

“Language,” Buck scolds. “There’s a kid here. Also, you just turned out to be my least favorite paramedic, Jack. Just so that you know.”

“I’m not here to make friends,” Jack says as he slams the door shut.

“With that attitude, you are sure as hell ain’t getting any,” Buck shouts after him.

“We are ready to roll!” Jack calls out, tapping his hand on the side of the car as he makes his way to the front.

“You know you’re just making a fool of yourself, dragging a guy to hospital, even though all you’d have to do is disinfect and stitch, yeah?” Buck tries to reason, but Jack isn’t having it, “Not taking any chances.”

“Coward.”

“Buck,” Eddie tries again. It seems to be a little magic trick, as Buck’s attention instantly return to him. Though it’s a piss-poor magic trick, really. Because Buck won’t even look at him. Can’t, for some reason. Instead, he keeps his head fixed on some of the equipment on the other side of the ambulance.

“Trust me, I didn’t plan on this,” he says feebly, some of the tough masquerade momentarily slipping.

“How are you in LA?” Eddie wants to know. He can see the shift in Buck instantly as he rounds his shoulders. “Plane.”

“Will you at least look at me?”

Buck turns his head. Eddie tries to read the emotions, but it’s like he gets the door shut in his face before he can take a look inside. And that even though they used to know each other so well.

How did we come to this?

“Buck, we haven’t see you or heard from you for over a year,” Eddie tries to reason. “Some more information than having come here by plane would be appreciated.”

“As I said, didn’t plan on this. Though of course I’m always happy to see Chris…,” Buck says, managing the smallest of smiles at Chris still snuck in his father’s arms. “Though I would have hoped for… different circumstances.”

“So you wanted to come see us?” Eddie asks.

Buck doesn’t answer, which is answer enough for Eddie.

“What were you thinking, going after that guy anyway?” Eddie can’t help but ask.

Buck shrugs at him. “Just had to. Will say though, that he brought a knife to a bomb fight came as a surprise. Thankfully, he was just as surprised to me bringing fists to a knife fight.”

“Why are you being that reckless, huh?” Eddie can’t help but scold. “You could’ve gotten yourself killed.”

“Yeah, or I could’ve watched as anything within a periphery of half a mile would’ve blown up,” Buck retorts. “Easy equation to my mind, really.”

It shouldn’t be that easy, though, Eddie thinks to himself bitterly, but he doesn’t say it. He has a million questions, but they won’t come. Because he knows Buck won’t give those answers. There is a wall between them that wasn’t there before, not even when Eddie was overcome with so much anger over Buck’s behavior about the lawsuit.

So he just sits back, makes sure that Christopher stays secure in his arms.

Once they arrive at the hospital, things set back into motion fast. Buck has a small moment of victory when he’s getting wheeled inside, arguing that Eddie won’t get the doctors to let him pester him like Jack did.

Joke’s on Buck in the end when Eddie talks to the receptionist because he forgot to update his emergency contact list, in which Eddie is very much included.

“See you in a bit, Buck!” is all he says as Buck is wheeled away.

And Buck shows him the finger as he is taken away, well aware that Christopher can’t see as he is resting against Eddie’s chest.

After that, Eddie makes himself not at all comfortable in the plastic chairs he loathes with a burning passion. He gets out his phone, hoping that he can get through to Maddie at least. Maybe she will have more luck trying to give Buck a piece of mind, but as he checks his phone, there is no signal. No calls, no internet. Looking around, he can see that the same issue applies to many people waiting – and the staff as well.

While Eddie still doesn’t believe in all-powerful universes, he will have to say: Well played, universe.

An hour later, Eddie is none the wiser and Christopher asleep next to him in the small room they were brought to, as this will be where Buck is supposed to come back to after his tests and examinations are finally over.

Christopher could provide at least some context to how they ended up like this. The kid is too smart for his own good at times, it turns out. He caught sight of Buck when he took on the bomber and saw that he got hurt. And since hurt people go to ambulances where people like his dad save them and make them better, this is to where he went. And he would threaten Deborah with his crutches, which Eddie will have to lecture about later. Once he found Buck, he just crawled up the gurney and didn’t take no for an answer.

Another fifteen minutes later, Buck is wheeled into the room, looking tired and pissed and just a bit more like the guy he remembers, the man who hates being in hospitals with every fiber of his being.

For a time, they just sit in silence. It is Buck who can’t take it anymore in the end, and snaps, “You can stop staring. I already have a puncture wound, don’t need to get stabbed by the evil eye now, too.”

Eddie shakes his head. “How are you still joking about this?”

“Because I still find myself utterly hilarious.”

“We didn’t know where you were for over a year. No message. No nothing,” Eddie accuses.

You disappeared. You left. You left the 118 behind. You left your family behind. Maddie. Christopher… me…

“And that you know I’m in LA right now was not part of the plan, I told you.”

“Why wasn’t it?” Eddie wants to know.

Buck shrugs, his voice non-committal. “I made the cut. I’m the bad guy. I know. Rules of the game.”

“I’m just trying to understand, Buck.”

“There’s nothing to understand,” Buck argues. “I had no intention to run into you guys. I went away. I didn’t want to cause further upset by coming back. I didn’t choose to be here. It was because of the job.”

Speaking of…

“What job is that anyway?”

“Water slide tester,” Buck replies, his face perfectly blank.

Eddie snorts, shaking his head. “Piss off.”

“I slide around the world.”

“Would you take this seriously for one second?” Eddie demands. He can’t believe this guy sometimes, many times. Can’t he see the damage done? Can’t he see how out of line it is to joke about it?

“I think I’ll pass,” is all Buck delivers. And it pisses Eddie off to no end.

“So that’s all I get? After all that’s been?”

Buck licks his lips, folds his arms over his chest, winces at the strain against his aching stomach. “Yup.”

Eddie can’t even say he is angry. Okay, he is angry, but one good look at Buck’s face and he can see how the mask is slipping. He sees pain there, thinly veiled by his quipping. He notices the longing in Buck’s eyes whenever he allows himself to look at Christopher dozing peacefully, only to pull away as though he got electrocuted for letting that emotion happen.

Just what is it with the man he used to know so well? How could they become strangers in the course of a year?

Eddie doesn't get to finish the thought as a doctor motions inside. Buck’s attention instantly bounces over to the dark-haired man.

“Hello Mr. Buckley.”

“What’s the news, Doc?” he asks.

“Good news for you, actually,” the doctor says. “You are free to go.”

Eddie shakes his head, as though he was trying to get water out of his ears. “Wait, what? What of the test results? Is there tissue damage? Is it ruled out that there is no internal bleeding? Won’t you keep him overnight? Did you even look at his medical history? He’s on blood thinners…”

“Haven’t been for almost half a year,” Buck argues.

Eddie blinks at him. “What?”

“… Surprise?” Buck holds up his hands, pulling a face.

“Still!” Eddie shouts, turning back to the man in scrubs.

“It’s really more of a nick,” the doctor tries to assure him.

Eddie has seen the bloody bandages. He knows that this is bullshit. Just what is this doctor doing?

“Told you. AndJack,” Buck chimes. “Joke’s on both of you.”

“He got stabbed. With a knife,” Eddie argues, still not quite believing it that he has to point that out to a medical professional.

“I saw. And we treated it. Just needed stitches and a shit ton of antibiotics.” He hands Buck a clipboard to sign some things.

“A shit ton. Could you be any more precise?” Eddie asks, crossing his arms over his chest.

“Chill. Doc will know what he’s doing,” Buck argues, though Eddie pays him no mind. His eyes are now set on that pathetic excuse of a medical professional and Eddie is ready to throw a fit, if he has to.

“We need to keep the beds clear for emergencies,” the doctor adds, as though that was in any shape or form reason to release a man who just got stabbed. With a knife. After he was on blood-thinners – apparently – half a year ago.

“It’s workday, I know you aren’t…,” Eddie tries, but Buck interjects, “Doctor’s orders. Gotta listen to the experts, c’mon.”

He looks back at the doctor standing beside the bed, handing the clipboard back. “Okay, all signed. Thanks, Doc.”

The doctor studies it for a long moment, then nods his head.

“You are seriously just going to go?” Eddie asks, not quite believing what’s happening.

“The doctor said I could.”

“Look, if it puts you at ease, I will get my colleague in here to speak to you to get a second opinion while I take Mr. Buckley here to get his medication. Then you can rest assured that all is as it should be,” the doctor tries, his tone now mild.

Nothing is as it should be. Absolutely nothing.

This whole situation is abnormal. Buck shouldn’t be in hospital. He shouldn’t act like this. He should be spooning Christopher on the bed, cuddle him and kiss his head. He should have asked for Maddie by now. The 118 should be on the way here. Buck should still be working with them, with him. They should have movie nights on Fridays and Buck should babysit Christopher at least once a week. They should watch games together and doze off on the couch. Buck should ask for juice and burritos. Eddie should be making arrangements so that Buck can spend the night over at their place, so that he isn’t alone after such an event. There should be a spark in Buck’s eyes. He shouldn’t feel like a ghost. None of this should be. And yet, it is.

“Show the way, Doc,” Buck says, cutting through the silence. Eddie looks up.

“I’ll just get you a wheelchair, hold on.”

Buck sits up. Eddie doesn’t miss how the air leaves him for a moment, but he still pushes on. Eddie rounds the bed, extending his arms to steady Buck, but the younger man just holds up his hands, gritting his teeth.

“Don’t.”

It’s no demand. It’s not aggressive. It’s a plea. And a desperate one.

Eddie holds up his hands to give Buck space as he folds his legs out of bed, ignoring every instinct inside himself to hold on anyway, if only to calm the tremor in Buck’s body the way he used to do it when he saw him this upset.

“I’m sorry for all this,” Buck mutters, not looking at him. “I’m glad Christopher is safe.”

“You know, just because you didn’t plan on seeing us, you still can.”

“No, I really can’t. Thanks, though.”

“Ah, you’re already up, Mr. Buckley. See? He’s doing great. Will be as good as new in a matter of days,” the doctor chimes as he comes back inside with the wheelchair. He helps Buck settle in, though Buck is basically doing it entirely on his own.

“We’ll be right back.”

Eddie watches as the doctor wheels Buck out of the room, out into the busy hallway. He tries his phone again, still no luck. Though he could really use some support here. Because none of it makes sense to Eddie anymore.

------------------------

“Coast’s clear,” Neil says, peering around the corner.

Buck hits the other man in the arm, hard.

“Hey! What’s that for?” the other man whines, pulling back into the storage room he maneuvered him into at Buck’s behest written on the clipboard.

“You didn’t have to put on an act as a doctor, you jackass,” Buck grumbles as he pulls the hoodie over his head, ignoring the pain flaring up in his side.

Just a nick my ass.

“I watched enough Grey’s Anatomy to know my way around,” Neil snorts. “I totally pass as a McSexy.”

“He’s an ex-Army medic and first responder, dude,” Buck argues. “Also, you are not McSexy, you’re McSaggy.”

“Ah, so it’s the ex-ex!”

Buck hits him again.

“You slut!” Neil laughs. “I guessed you had a thing for Latinas.”

Buck hits him again for emphasis, though he knows it’s all lost on a guy like Neil. He also knows he shouldn’t be surprised by the guy anymore. But the moment he rolled in with the white coat and the toothpaste smile, Buck will have to admit he was shocked. Though that was basically his modus operandi throughout the day. First the bomber, then Christopher, God, Christopher, and then Eddie.

“Okay. I checked, you can use the stairway…,” Neil tries to say, but Buck cuts him off. He’s tired and not up for faux tactic talk. “Dude, I know that hospital better than I’d like to. Just tell me where to in the parking lot.”

“Towards the back. Black sedan.” He tosses him the keys. “And you won’t be driving.”

Buck rolls his eyes as he stuffs the keys into the pocket of the hoodie. “No shit.”

“Wanna bid adieu to lover boy?” Neil asks, though not really.

Neil always says one thing, means the other, then says what he means, then he doesn’t. On most days, Buck enjoys Neil’s company. He’s at least fun to talk to, when he isn’t being a little bitch about it. The guy keeps a calm head in any situation without a stick up his ass. But right now, everything in Buck hates him. Though even that, Buck knows, is just projection.

It’s myself I hate.

“I did over a year ago,” Buck answers, whether to assure Neil or to remind himself, he isn’t quite sure. “Let’s just get moving.”

“Hoo-yah.”

Buck looks back out the hallway to see Eddie still standing in the doorway, fuming. He hates to see him like this, to leave him like this, but it’s just another thing to add, in the end. To all the hatred Eddie and the others are entitled to feel. Because yes, Buck is the bad guy in this. He knows it’s true.

It’s what he left behind, 413 days ago.

It’s what he won’t ever go back to, no matter the amount of days passed.

“Coast still clear?” Buck asks.

Neil checks, nods. Buck takes his cue and ducks out of the storage room, swiftly making his way to the staircase.

He leaves the comforting thought behind that maybe, someday, Eddie will forgive him this, all of this, and remember only the times Buck wasn’t there to wreak havoc in his life.

Buck finds the car with ease and he climbs in with not as much ease. Because his side is burning and he needs to sleep. He rather sleeps through nightmares than live through them.

Neil emerges a few minutes later, laughing to himself as he gets into the driver’s seat.

“Nice of you to make me call him a taxi,” Neil points out. “The lines are still dead, as could be expected, but I could get through with the super fancy, not at all fancy-looking phone we got.”

Buck noted that down on the clipboard as well, of course. It’s the damn well least.

“He left his car at the plaza,” Buck almost whispers.

Neil starts the engine and pulls out of the parking lot, eyes fixed on the road. “You okay?”

“I was stabbed, so I’m bloody terrific.”

“Good, then you’ll be delighted that we’ll be staying a while longer,” Neil informs him.

Buck leans his head back. “You’re fucking me, right?”

They had a plan. Just two weeks. Just this case. They had the network down. They should have been done with this guy thanks to whom he took a knife to the stomach today. That should have been it. He should have a flight booked out of here, away from the eyes haunting him in his dreams, the questions that burned on Eddie’s lips, though he wouldn’t say them. Because he never does.

“For as long as you don’t turn out to be a hot redhead with no appendages between the legs, no, I’m not fucking you.”

“How long?” Buck sighs. It’s not like he has any illusions about it: He will have to tay for as long as it’s demanded of him.

Rules of the game.

“At least another two weeks,” Neil lets him know. “The big boss man agreed with your assessment about how the network operates. And apparently, there’s been additional intel that just came our way. Get this: The pack leader is supposedly in town right now.”

“Fuck,” Buck curses. He hoped that that person’s appearance would be as far away from L.A. as is humanly possible. His prediction was that with the evidence gathered here, they could narrow down the pack leader and then move before the network spread any further. But the pack leader is here for a show, and it will blow.

“Big boss man also said you get the rest of the week off to heal up, coz you actually belonged in hospital”

“No shit,” Buck snorts, trying to find a comfortable position he knows he isn’t going to get.

“But so long you take it easy, you should be fine.”

“I appreciate the care,” Buck snorts.

“Oh please, I don’t care a rat’s ass about you. You’re just damn good at the job, is all…,” Neil says jovially, but then adds in a smaller voice, “Couldn’t help but notice, though.”

“Notice what?”

“You didn’t kill the guy.”

“Damn, you’re observant,” Buck scoffs.

“We are trained to shoot first, ask questions later.”

“I thought I could talk him out of it. And I did, after he stabbed me, fine. But no one turned to human confetti.”

“Precisely. You had a gun on you, of course you did,” Neil argues. “You could’ve just taken the shot.”

“Risk would’ve been higher for him to release the trigger, had I taken the shot. I had to get close anyway. Like that, I had a chance to wrestle the switch from him,” Buck replies. “Also, that means we have two witnesses now we can squeeze out for information regarding the pack leader. Normally, we only get to pick up their pieces.”

Neil shrugs. “Just saying, don’t slip into old habits. You’re no longer a firefighter. You see a bad guy? You kill a bad guy.”

“Yeah.”

“I didn’t hear you,” Neil huffs.

“Don’t be a bitch and drive, damn it.”

“I mean it, Buckley,” Neil adds, grinding his teeth. “I have no intention to get dragged into your problems. You can’t turn the switch? You gotta go.”

Oh, and how much Buck would love to. But even if Neil may hate his guts, Buck is where he belongs, where he belonged long before he could fool himself into believing that his place was in a firehouse with red furniture and a house wherein the most adorable kid lives and plays video games.

Even if I wanted to, if you wanted me to, there’s someone who wants me to say. And he calls the shots. Rules of the game.

“I made a call based on the evidence and my experience,” Buck reasons, because it’s still true. He took a risk based on what he knows himself capable of.

“Good, just checking.”

“There’s no need.”

“There better not be. We have a mission to fulfill.”

“Hoo-yah.”