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arrowflier · 3 years

Note

I wish you would write a fic where the gallaghers + kev & vee find out about ian's 87% comment and they all give their opinions and ask why mickey, ian's husband who's been a part of ian's life for nearly eleven years only gets 87% of his heart, if the other 13% goes towards his toxic exes and why since they're not in his life anymore, ian explaining himself and ends with ian taking the comment back so mickey has 100% of his heart

I decided this was perfect for Gallavich Week Day 5: Fix-It! Thanks as always to @gallavichthings for hosting💖. Also on AO3.

Eighty-Seven Percent (Anatomy of a Heart)

It was a normal morning in the Gallagher kitchen.

That is to say, it was chaotic.

Carl and Liam sat across from each other at the narrow table, tossing dry loops of off-brand cereal at each other over Franny’s backpack, which lay open between them. The girl herself was running circles around them both in her pajamas, Debbie chasing after her with a stern face and a frilly dress held in outstretched hands.

“Come on, Franny,” she muttered impatiently as her daughter evaded her again by diving under the table, “just put on the dress!”

Mickey laughed when Franny ran to him instead, trying to hide behind his legs where he stood by the brewing coffeemaker. Ian ruined her attempt by swinging her up into his arms and twirling her around until Debbie snatched her from him, resulting in an angry shriek as Franny writhed in her hold.

“For fuck’s sake, keep it down in here!” Lip hissed, coming in from the living room where Tami had just gotten Fred settled in his play pen. “If you get Fred crying again, I swear I’ll fucking end you all.”

If anything, the kitchen got louder as everyone there chimed in in their own defense.

Mickey just snorted as he grabbed two mugs and got to pouring the fresh coffee. “Good luck with that,” he offered to Lip, amused. “You get one Gallagher going, you get the whole fucking pack.”

Lip glared at him, opened his mouth the say something undoubtedly scathing and most likely regarding Mickey’s place in the family, when Carl laughed and chimed in from the table.

“Funny, man, that’s what Trevor said to me and Ian at the station yesterday.”

The room went quiet.

Or maybe it just seemed that way to Ian, who could see the way his husband’s back immediately tensed at the familiar name, the way he gripped the handle of his mug a little too tight and poured the coffee a little too high before setting down the pot with a hard clack.

“Trevor, huh?” Mickey asked, voice deceptively mild, and Ian winced behind him.

Carl didn’t get the memo.

“Yeah, you remember him, right?” he checked. “He still works at that youth place, came in to post bail for some kid when Ian was bringing by lunch.” He shrugged, tossed a handful of cereal into his mouth. “We chatted a bit,” he mumbled as he chewed.

Mickey gripped the edge of the counter, knuckles going white under his tattoos. “Funny,” he said quietly, “Ian didn’t think to mention that.”

Ian sighed, ignoring the eyes of his family on their quickly unfolding drama. They’d been fighting a lot lately, a lot more than they used to, and today had been shaping up to be better, damn it. Now he had to do damage control again instead of enjoying a quiet day in with his husband.

“We’ve talked about this, Mickey,” he started, a tad bit exasperated. It must have come through in his voice, because Mickey’s shoulders went up. “Trevor’s not a bad guy, and I’m not gonna avoid him if I see him around.”

Mickey released the counter to grab his coffee again, taking a long, scalding swallow. “Right,” he said finally, not looking at Ian. “Not a bad guy at all. Just wanted to leave your ass rotting in jail when you couldn’t be his poster boy anymore, that’s all.”

“Mickey…” Ian warned, but it didn’t stop him.

“Tell me, Ian,” Mickey mused, turning to face him with hard eyes. “How much of that thirteen percent belongs to him?”

Fuck. Not that again.

“Wait, what’s he talking about?” Debbie was the one to ask first, voice cutting through their palpable tension. She’d even stopped trying to force the dress over Franny’s head in the interim, allowing the girl to escape up the stairs unscathed. “What thirteen percent?”

“Oh yeah, he told me about that,” Lip butted in. “Said Mickey got all bent out of shape cause Ian still thinks about his exes, or something, right?”

Ian closed his eyes against the hurt in Mickey’s as his brother revealed that he knew about their squabble. Fuck his family right now, seriously.

“Not quite,” he gritted out, but when he opened his eyes again, Mickey had schooled his face back into disinterest.

“No, that’s just about it,” Mickey confirmed. “Got my nose out of joint because Ian, here,” he gestured at Ian with his mug, ignoring the hot coffee that splashed over the side, “said I only got eighty-seven percent of his heart.”

Someone whistled, low and long. Ian couldn’t tell who.

“It’s not that big a deal,” he insisted yet again. “My whole life is a fucking shrine to you, Mick. If my heart was a room, there’s be posters of you on every fucking wall.” He took a step closer, until Mickey’s mug pressed into his own chest, leaving a wet spot on his shirt.

“You really can’t let the others have a little space in that room? Not even in the bottom drawer of a dresser that nobody uses anyway?”

Mickey was still, and silent. Then he spun around and slammed his mug back down on the counter, shoved past Ian, and stormed off up the stairs.

“Where are you going?” Ian called after him.

“To clean out the goddamn drawers!”

It was quiet in Mickey’s wake, and then—

“Dude, that’s fucked up,” Carl said frankly, and Liam nodded in agreement, eyes wide.

“Did you really say that?” Debbie asked, sounding horrified, and before Ian could answer the back door slammed open.

“Morning neighbors!” Vee greeted as she came through, Kev on her heels. She was holding something, a dish covered in foil, and a carton of juice hung from Kev’s hand.

“We brought you guys some…” Vee trailed off when no one even looked at her, noticing the tension in the room.

“Uh,” she voiced, confused, “what did we miss?”

Carl answered, still looking at Ian in disbelief. “Ian told Mickey he keeps stuff from his exes in a drawer, so Mickey’s up there looking for it.”

“Oh, that’s cold man,” Kev breathed, and Ian exhaled.

“It was a metaphor,” he muttered, and Vee heard him.

“A metaphor for what?” she asked, curious.

“For the thirteen percent of Ian’s heart that belongs to other people,” Debbie revealed, and Vee set down her dish with a clatter.

“You said that to him?” she clarified, and at Ian’s reluctant nod, shook her head and turned to Kev.

“You ever say shit like that to me,” she said firmly, “I’ll cut off thirteen percent of your dick.”

—

A few long minutes later, after he had finally escaped his family’s inquisition about the state of his relationship, Ian made his way upstairs, alone.

When he got to their bedroom, Mickey wasn’t actually going through their things. He was just sitting on their bed, back to the wall, spinning his wedding ring round and round on his finger. Next to him, balanced on their folded blanket, sat the little box with the fancy ones they used in the ceremony just so they wouldn’t have to take theirs off.

Ian’s heart beat harder. That box had been sitting safe in the bottom drawer of their shared dresser.

The one that nobody used.

“Hey,” he said softly from the doorway. Mickey didn’t look up.

“You okay?” Ian asked, and that at least got a response.

“Do I look fucking okay to you?” Mickey returned, eyes on his knees.

He didn’t. Not really. He looked haggard, and upset, his hair spiky where restless fingers had combed through it. Ian couldn’t see his eyes, but he had a feeling they were rimmed in red.

Ian let himself into the room, sat opposite Mickey on the bed with his feet still firmly on the floor. He reached out to trace a finger over the rings in the box, and then the ring on Mickey’s finger.

Mickey let his own hand fall away when he did.

“You know that’s not how I meant it, right?” Ian asked, suddenly desperate to hear Mickey agree. He needed to know that Mickey understood, that just because he remembered his past, it didn’t mean he wasn’t dedicated to his future.

But Mickey just shrugged.

“Not a lot of ways you can mean it,” he said, and shit. Ian had really fucked up this time. “Either I have your whole heart or I don’t,” Mickey continued, “and I don’t. So,” he shrugged again, “whatever.”

Ian took a moment. A long one. He thought of Mickey’s reaction the first time he had said it, when he was mostly just teasing. The way he had been shocked to think that Ian still had fond thoughts for other men. And he thought of his family downstairs, each one more fucked up than the last, all in agreement over the severity of his error.

And to be honest, he still didn’t quite get the uproar. But maybe that was because none of them got his side, either.

“You’re right,” he began, “you don’t.”

Mickey tensed further, pulling away from him on the bed, but Ian wasn’t done.

“You have all the good bits, you know,” he continued. He went to rest a hand on Mickey’s chest, saw his stiffness, and pointed at his own instead.

“You have all four chambers,” he told him. “Atrium and ventricle. You keep my blood moving, keep it useful, keep me alive. And you have my valves,” he added, trailing a finger side to side to point to the right spots as he spoke. “Mitral and aorta, pulmonary and tricuspid.” He smiled. “You keep me going in the right direction.”

Mickey was softening, he could tell, the tension seeping from his limbs as Ian droned on. He kept going anyway.

“You have all my arteries, Mick,” he whispered. “You’re in all my veins. You said I was under your skin, once?” Ian laughed. “Well you’re under my skin, too. And in my muscles, and in my blood.”

“And the others, they’re like…” he hesitated, searched for the right words. Better words than he had used before. “They’re like cholesterol,” he settled on, “plaque. Or…like the scar tissue from a triple bypass, the parts that don’t work anymore.”

Mickey’s lips quirked, despite himself, and Ian counted it as a victory.

“You have a lot a heart surgeries, Gallagher?” he questioned softly, catching on.

Ian smile widened, and he reached out to take Mickey’s hand. This time, Mickey didn’t pull away.

“Maybe a few,” he admitted. “And maybe I’m better for it.”

He lifted Mickey’s hand to his lips, held it there.

“I don’t mind the broken bits,” he told his husband. “The pieces they left behind. Because you pushed through them every time, and made me healthy again.”

Mickey fidgeted, and nudged himself off the wall to settle closer to Ian’s side.

“Alright,” he allowed, “I get it.”

“Do you?” Ian asked earnestly. “Because I want you to, you know.” He dropped Mickey’s hand to hold his face instead, gently stroking a thumb over his cheek. “I want you to know that that thirteen percent, it doesn’t really matter. All that matters are the parts that are you.”

"I chose you, Mickey," he murmured. He reached out blindly for the spare rings in their box on the bed, worked one free. Slipped it onto Mickey's finger without looking away from his eyes. Mickey's hand clenched around it, around Ian's hand, and held tight.

"I married you," Ian added. "Because I love you with every real part of my heart, every little bit that works."

“All eighty-seven percent?” Mickey prods with a soft expression, leaning forward until his nose brushes Ian’s.

“All eighty-seven percent,” Ian confirmed, and kissed him.

#daily speedwrite #gw2021 #fanfic #ian gallagher #mickey milkovich #gallavich #fix-it #gallagher family #albeit briefly

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corpsentry · 4 years

Text

january: an art retrospective

i did some stuff last month (but it’s a lot of stuff and there’s a photodump + some Serious Fucking Reflection, so it’s all below the cut)

so ok, let’s start with this. here are some heads. each head has a red arrow. that red arrow is what i call the red line of the devil. it’s the slope of the face from the side of the eye to the cheekbone and then down towards the chin. up until like 2 weeks ago, i couldn’t draw it. i couldn’t fucking draw it. i would edit over that part of the face over and over again until i was frustrated and tired and i had a raging homosexual headache and it still never looked right. notice that each head is different. notice that each head looks wrong.

at the start of 2021 i finally admitted to myself, as per the image above, that i was deeply, deeply unhappy with my art. what was the problem? i dunno. but i decided i was going to fix it and i was going to do so via another one scribble a day event wherein for every day of january i would find a photo of a human head, and i would draw it.

january 1st, 2021. i was embarrassed to tweet this even on my private account where like 5 friends and a rock would see it. in retrospect, you can also see all of my bad habits emerging like dicks from a hole in the ground. it’s disproportionate. the brows look flat. the eyes are slanting upwards. the entire drawing looks flat, like this isn’t a 3d person but a caricature of one.

january 2nd, 3rd, 4th:

on the 2nd i decided to start a separate thread for doodles and applied learning. here’s the first set of tests

the rest of the week is kind of uneventful so we’re going to skip those. fast forward to january 11th

this one is especially bad. i am acutely aware, suddenly, that i am not changing anything at all. i’m stressed and miserable about it because i’m still trying to see people as people and trying to draw people that look attractive and proportionate and hot. my friend, leny, reminds me that i need to think about faces in terms of planes. i have a moment. my other friend masha sends me some links to anatomy tutorials. i have another moment.

january 11th. applied sketch

january 13th is when i start the troubleshooting process. the link above drives me mad because i’m pretty happy with the face but then i realize that there’s something very fucking wrong with the shape of the head LOL and then i realize that i’ve never had any idea what the proportion of the face to the rest of the skull is so i grit my teeth and i open a new canvas and i

bald studies. it seemed like the right thing to do. can’t draw heads? ok draw some heads. look at some photographs. i traced each photo but tried to stick to straight lines so that i could replicate the shapes more easily. i broke each face down into shapes. i thought about airplanes

i got really excited. i started doing studies, then applied studies, then stylized studies.

sketches. i’m not sure what’s going on (as always) and it’s very rough, but they look different from the sketches i did on january 2nd. that’s a start

january 16th’s daily study. looks more like a person now. juuuuuust a bit

more applied studies

on the 18th i take a break and go stare at some lips because i don’t understand how the fuck they work. again, i focus on shapes, on volume, on the fact that these things exist in 3d. holy fuck lips exist in 3d. holy fuck we are real

january 19th. i’m working on it.

january 22nd. some sketches + a daily study. it has finally occurred to me that heads can tilt up and down and that things look different accordingly. yes i was not aware of this before. yes i have been drawing for over a decade.

january 23rd. by this point after doing my daily sketch i almost always go back and do an applied study which is basically to say i drew a lot of fucking links. this one looks kind of okay. i’m kind of proud

january 25th. links. trying to make sense of everything i’ve learned

26th, 27th, 28th. daily studies

january 1st. january 31st

The End Of The Photo Dump (dab)

ok NOW i get to talk about what i discovered while studying the shit out of human beings

FIRST OF ALL, there is something precious and magical about drawing shit without the explicit knowledge that you’re going to tweet that shit out to 45 people later. it takes the burden of perception off your shoulders and that does something to you, or at least that’s my theory. i told myself i wouldn’t post any of this stuff until the end of the month (if i wanted to post it at all) and kept everything off my public social media accounts and that meant i could draw ugly as hell without worrying about who would point and laugh, which i absolutely fucking did. a lot of these are fucking trainwrecks. most of these are fucking trainwrecks. why do they look like that?? why??? this doesn’t look like the work of someone who’s allegedly been drawing since they were in kindergarten, does it?????

here’s why: because that person took a huge motherfucking swing at everything they’d ever known about art and spent a month building something new in its place. the abstract explanation is that i grew up on shoujo and weird old anime and my understanding of anatomy was unironically kamichama karin and while i love kamichama karin, when kamichama karin is your rule even if you try to break it, you’re going to end up going nowhere. “you have to know the rules to break them”, yeah? well i didn’t know shit. the abstract explanation is i’ve been miserable about my art for a few years now because i saw other people doing things effortlessly which i couldn’t and instead of going back to the basics, i tried to do what they did (not plagiarism, mind you, i mean i literally tried to copy the red line of the devil i mentioned above because i couldn’t even make that happen) and then i fucking failed.

the simple explanation is this. i had to unlearn everything, and relearn it again (like some kind of new renaissance clown, what the fuck is this?)

take this for example. all my life i’ve drawn faces in the order: eyes, nose, mouth, face shape, head. this works for some people, im aware, but it was something central to how i had always drawn, so i decentralized it. i said fuck you to the old me and changed the order up. now i start with the nose, then the eyes, mouth, the chin line, and the sides of the face. now i force myself to think about the human head as a series of parts interacting with each other instead of a bunch of disparate features which i want to look pretty.

or let’s use this zelda from last year. something about this looked wrong last october, the way something about all of my drawings looked wrong, but i couldn’t pinpoint it for hell the way i couldn’t articulate Any of my feelings about the visual arts. now, looking back, here’s what i see. that nose is sticking out far too much given how she’s not really facing very far away from the camera. that ear at the back shouldn’t be there. her forehead is too big. she doesn’t have a forehead. what the fuck is up with the shape of her head?

so apparently reject modernity embrace tradition has its roots in alt-right terminology and i’m not very horny for the alt-right (you understand), but the spirit survives here. you know sometimes you have to admit that you have no idea what the fuck you’re doing and draw people for 31 days. i’ve spent my whole life drawing stylized people and while again there are artists who have no issue with this, i veered off the track of the Good and the Holy and couldn’t get back on. i had no point of reference because i’d never thought about what an actual human being looks like, so i had no way to fix what i knew in my gut looked wrong but wouldn’t come out better.

this was hard. this was like oikawa tooru swallowing his worthless pride and admitting that ushijima wakatoshi had gotten the best of him for the last time in his high school career, but in haikyuu!! by furudate haruichi oikawa tooru fucks off to argentina and then joins the argentinean national team, and you know what, i think i’ve made it to argentina (not the team just the country). as per the golden rule of dont fucking move until you’re at least two thirds of the way through the month, i only started trying to draw Shit shit on like the 22nd or something, but i was happy with that i created. i am happy with what i’ve done. i’ve posted like 2 things this month that involve people with what i now call ~applied Knowledge~~ and they’re, like, not perfect obviously (perfection is an unattainable ideal), but i’m fucking proud of them. i didn’t spend 5 hours hunched over my laptop adjusting the red line of the devil because it’s not a devil’s line anymore. because i finally sorta get how people work. because i sat down and i said ‘we are not going to fuck with this misery shit anymore’ and then i did that. it’s just a line now.

here are 2 collages tracking my painstakingly carved out progress from january 2nd to february 2nd because i’m a slut for collages

and here’s what i’ve done to my art! the same person drew these but also Not Really! you know! for the first time in a year i don’t immediately hate what i’ve drawn. you know what guys? art is fucking fun. zelda’s forehead doesn’t scare me anymore because i know how foreheads fucking work now, and i don’t know everything, and i’m going to keep troubleshooting stuff as i go (i want to draw a skeleton. like a. i want to draw a goddamn skeleton guys) but i’m honestly and genuinely proud of what i’ve done in the span of a month, and i’m also in disbelief. i started this month-long challenge out as a last ditch effort to make peace with my art because i’ve been tired for a long time and i was ready to kick the bucket on drawing people altogether. i didn’t think anything would happen. nothing’s happened for years. i’ve been miserable for years.

this was the caption for january 1st, 2021. i was super, super fucking embarrassed and it looks like super fucking shit, but you know what, i think i did in fact triumph over the bullshit. surprisingly enough, when you put in consistent effort into something, You Will See Results. didn’t see that coming, did you? i know i didn’t.

this isn’t a success story. it’s a happiness story. i never gave a shit damn about the institute of art or whatever, i was just mad at myself because what i saw in my head didn’t match up with what was on the canvas. and now it’s getting better. now i’m calibrating the compass. now drawing not just backgrounds but also people is exciting to me, and i can stick my links in your face and tell you ‘they hot’. i’m going to keep doing that. i’m going to keep going until i drop off the side of the earth and then spiral towards mars like some kind of fairy, and then i’m going to create something beautiful.

thanks for reading. here’s a pr department link for sticking around until the end

#my stuff

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jenodunno · 3 years

Text

Studying

a/n: aish i’m sorry i haven’t written in a while, i have no excuses for myself other that i had no inspiration to write. Anyways i hope you enjoy this cute little story of Jaemin tutoring you hehe

pairing: Jaemin x Reader

warnings: none ?

"How can you even get good grades in this class" You sigh looking at your boyfriend's test paper that the teacher just handed out.

"I don't know," He shrugs looking over at the grade on your paper "But I do know I'm better at it then you" He lets out a small laugh

"Instead of laughing you should be a good boyfriend and help me" You sulk, laying your head on your desk.

Let's just say Human Anatomy isn't the class you do best nor do you even like it, but the sadly you still need to pass the class to no disappoint your parents.

"Of course I'll help you out, love," He smiles looking at you before petting your head "I'll come over after school, like that we can get started"

"Wait, what ? Now ?" You asked in disbelief "I know I asked for help but not right away I want to rest my brain a little"

"Yah...no, the faster we study the faster you'll understand what's going on and anyways the next test is schedule for next week so it's best if you start now, love." He says letting out a small laugh at the end when you sighed once again for like the one hundredth time.

"Fine" You mumble burying your face in your hands.

Wednesday at your place, (A week till the test)

"Wait" Jaemin says trying to hold back his laughter while looking at the test you received back from your teacher yesterday because he's a great boyfriend and doesn't want to laugh at your failure "You're really going to tell me you don't know where the esophagus is,"

"No, I know where it is, It's just that-"

"Then why did you put throat instead,"

"Because technically-"

"No baby no, technically it isn't our throat"

“Well technically yes because when we eat food goes down in it-“

“I can tell this is going to be long” He sighs chuckling

“Heyy don’t laugh at me !” You huffed, pushing him lightly “can we take a break we've been reviewing for hours" You sighed

"It's only been 30 minutes, my love," Jaemin says and looks at you with an 'are you serious' face "And I pretty sure we'll need more than that if you don't know where the esophagus is" He chuckles

"You're really not going to let me go for that one" You say getting up off the floor

"Nope" He smiles at you, before kissing you on the nose.

Thursday at Jaemin's place, (6 days till the test)

"Maybe you'll focus more at my place" Jaemin mumbles opening the front door for the both of you.

"What's that suppose to mean" You say looking up at him

"I mean that, maybe studying in another environment that's not your usual one might help you focus more" He explains

"I practically live here with you, Jae" You looked at him laughing a little

“Yeah yeah whatever, come on” He laughs stepping a side a little letting you go in first before closing the door behind himself.

After getting settled on the kitchen counter with all the school work laid out in front of you guys and Jaemin to your left you try to pay attention. In the end you actually are paying attention to what Jaemin is showing and explaining to you, maybe he was right earlier....

"So as long as you can try to remember this graphic by heart you'll at least get a 10 out 35 on the test" He says trying to make you feel better

"Yah but that isn't enough," You blow out a breath

"I know it isn't, love, but that's still better than the grades you got yesterday, and anyways I'll try my best to help you" He says grabbing your hand into his own "Anyways let's focus on this chapter, most of the vocabulary and work that'll be on the test is in this chapter, okay ?" He says softly looking at you and when you nod at him he starts explaining.

After 2 hours of studying flying by, you both decide to take a break.

“You know I hope you focused more on what I was explaining to you and not my face.” He smirks before drink out of his water bottle

“W-what do you mean,?!” You answered back in a flustered state “I was paying attention to you.”

“Yeah to me or to what I was explaining,” He chuckles before raising an eyebrow at you “because to me it seemed like you were paying more to me, as in my face and not the work.”

"T-that's not true," You defended

"Come on just admit to it and I'll give you a kiss" He once again lifts the corner of his lips forming a smirk

"J-jaemin !"

Saturday at Jaemin's place, (4 days till the test)

You don't know if Jaemin is actually a really good tutor or he is a good tutor because suddenly you can understand things you didn't think you could or at least you think so. I guess you could say you were lucky to have him.

"Are you guys really studying on a Saturday ?" Jeno says walking in Jaemin's house as if it's his own with a basketball in his hands

"Hmm, Oh yeah I'm helping my princess over here not fail for our next test" Jaemin hums a response to Jeno barely acknowledging his presence "Anyways, do you understand the graphics over here, It's explaining how the fluids in-"

"What's up fuckers" Donghyuck says bursting into the living room with a football soccer ball in his hand "Jeez it's literally the weekend and you both are in here studying, tsk, you know it feels really good outside ?" He smirks at you, dropping his weight on the couch "I would say the weather is about 28 degrees with a few clouds and the wind is-"

"You know it's better to stay in here than to be outside with your presences," You playfully glare at him

"Oh come on, stop acting like you hate me when you don't" He laughs before throwing the ball his holding in the air before catching it again.

"Stop being lame Donghyuck," Jeno chimes in "Anyways come on Jaems, It won't kill to take a little break and have fun, right Y/N ?"

"Okay, okay fine how about about we take a small break," Jaemin says getting up before smiling at how happy you looked

Let's just say it wasn't a small break you both took.....

Tuesday afternoon in the library (The day before the test)

"I'll never understand why it's so important to learn this, I honestly don't care about the human anatomy and how it works," You whine pushing your folder away from you

"You know your only learning about this because you chose this course" Jaemin says letting out a small laugh at your defeat

"Yeah well I only chose the scientific course because I wanted to have Laboratory but even that is hard and boring, I should have chosen the literature course like that I would of gotten art and I'm pretty sure that is much more fun and less hard than this human body thing. And also I wouldn't be alone because Renjun is there" You ramble out.

Jaemin pauses looking at you, then looking at all the school work flared out in front of you both before letting out a small sigh with a light laugh at the end.

"Look baby, I'm going to be honest with you. I know we've been studying for this test since last week but going the way we are going and the fact that the test is tomorrow, you're going to fail this test, I love you, but there's nothing we can do about it now" Jaemin says looking over at you before you let your head fall on the table with a bang gaining peoples attention. Jaemin just smiles at them before bringing his attention back to you caressing your back

"I knew it, I'm going to fail again and like you said there's nothing we can do" You mumble out lowly with a sigh following at the end

Jaemin doesn't respond but just sits there and comforts you.

Wednesday, ( test day )

The moment the teacher handed out the test papers, you knew you were doomed. On the first page you barely understood anything and the second page even less, though on the third page there was the graph that you studied so hard to remember, which you shockingly did. While filling out the graph you started remembering a few things Jaemin had taught you a few days prior.

30 minutes passed by pretty fast before you heard your teacher's timer going off "Okay times up, everyone pens down" He then proceeded to collect everyone's papers before going back to his desk to grade them leaving the class to do whatever.

"So how do you think you did ?" Jaemin says looking over at you, who was staring at the bracelet you were wearing

"Hm ? Oh umm well honestly I'm pretty confident, after I completed the graph suddenly things you had explained came into my head and I feel like I got a lot of things correct !" You say cheerfully. You honestly do think you did pretty well, all the answers suddenly came into your head at one pointed so yeah you are confident in yourself.

"I'm glad to hear that you're confident, It puts me at ease knowing I tutored you well" He smile at you like always

"Of course you did, you're a pretty good tutor y'know now I understand why Jisung always comes to you for help" You laugh softly

"Good morning everyone, i hope that today has been a pretty decent day for you all" Your teacher speaks out to the class walking in front of his desk. "Now before you ask yes I've graded yesterdays test, I will now hand them out" Your teacher announces.

"Yay finally, I could barely sleep last night because of this." You giggled cheerfully

Your teacher finally reaches yours and Jaemin's desk handing out your papers. When giving Jaemin his paper, you didn't miss your teacher giving him a small pat on his shoulder before giving you your paper with a small smile on his face. Giving him a small smile back you checked out your grade on the top right of the paper. The moment your eyes landing on your grade, you practically had stars popping out out of them.

With a little squeal of happiness you turn your paper around to show it to your lover with a huge grin on your face.

"Look !" You beamed happily at your boyfriend "Ahh thank you so much" Leaning in giving him a hug

"You're welcome my love," He chuckles looking down at you on his chest, reaching to pat your head "But you do know that having a 14/30 doesn't exactly mean you passed"

But you were quick to look at him and shush him with a finger to your lips "Don't ruin it for me, it's the highest grade I've gotten in this class" As your face changed from having a playful pout on it to having a smile letting a few giggles escape from your lips.

#i'm pretty proud of this one #jaemin x you #jaemin x y/n #jaemin x reader #jaemin fanfic #jaemin soft hours #jaemin imagines #kpop fluff #kpop writing #kpop imagines

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jobrookekarev · 3 years

Text

You're My Home

Chapter One of One

Words: 1898

Summary: “I’m pregnant Alex.” Jo didn't know how to say it without feeling like she was dropping a bomb on him. “And you're saying all these things about how your life is supposed to be with me and then you go and invite Meredith Grey into our house and you play family with her.”

“Jo,” Alex said, reaching out to her, but she took a step back.

Or the 11x24 AU where Jo is pregnant.

Chapter: 1/1

Fandom: Grey's Anatomy.

Relationship: Alex Karev/Jo Wilson.

Characters: Alex Karev, and Jo Wilson.

Rating: General Audiences.

Additional Tags: Angst With a Happy Ending, Fluff, Babies, Pregnancy.

Read at AO3

Read at FFN

AN: Will, I ever stop with the, Jo’s pregnant AU’s 🌟no🌟

Happy belated Birthday to Stevie @angry-slytherin and Lay @odd-birds-and-booksellers (who doesn’t deserve fluff but I’m being nice)

……………………………………………………………………

“Jo!”

She turned her head to see Alex run up behind her as she walked down the hall. He was the last person she wanted to see right now, but she didn’t fight him when he grabbed her arm.

“Jo, come here,” Alex said as he led her into the office space behind the nurse’s station and closed the door behind them. “The sad widow is my friend, my best friend and I don't want to piss you off and I don't want you running off somewhere, but I can't say no to her.”

“So, you're saying no to me, okay,” Jo said with a nod, she didn’t expect him to say anything else. She knew that to Alex, Meredith would always come first

“No. Look, all that crap I said about building a life here and about putting down roots. Look, I meant with you. I want a house with you, my career with you, uh, maybe someday a dog, maybe.” Alex said, as he shook his head with a sigh. “It's all supposed to be with you.”

Jo looked up as he spoke, his eyebrows were turned up but the wrinkles in his forward were as prominent as his worry as he took a step towards her.

“I thought you got that. I didn't think I needed to say it. So, when I say that I can't say no to my friend, it doesn't mean I'm saying no to you. I want you and all of it with you.”

“A dog?” Jo asked, raising her eyebrows at him.

“Yeah,” Alex said with his signature shrug as if he was simply agreeing to it because she asked.

“What about a baby?” Jo said watching his expression closely trying to find the answers in his face.

“Yeah, someday,” Alex said, a flash of a smile stretching across his face.

“What about today?” Jo asked before she lost her nerve.

“What?” Alex asked as he furrowed his brows and his wrinkles appeared again.

“I’m pregnant, Alex.” Jo didn't know how to say it without feeling like she was dropping a bomb on him. “And you're saying all these things about how your life is supposed to be with me and then you go and invite Meredith Grey into our house and you play family with her.”

“Jo,” Alex said, reaching out to her, but she took a step back. Despite how much she knew it hurt him to pull away, she knew that the moment he touched her she would lose her resolve and melt into his arms.

“No, I get to talk now. I get to be important now. I get to be your first thought, this baby, our baby, has to come first from now on. And I can't think about anything other than what’s best for them,” Jo said, turning around and putting her hand on the door handle as she went to walk away.

“Jo wait,” Alex said, reaching to grab her arm again, but she slipped out of his fingers. “Where are you going?”

“I just, I have to think about what’s best for our baby,” Jo said, biting her lip as she opened the door and walked away, leaving Alex alone.

……………………………………………………………………

The party was in full swing by the time she got there and Jo lingered in the open doorway before she spotted Alex sitting at the kitchen bar. She pulled her jacket in front of her stomach, already self-conscious despite how she wasn't even showing yet as she walked over to Alex.

“Hey.”

“Where have you been?” Alex asked as he just looked at her waiting for her answer.

“Come with me,” Jo said, holding out her hand to him. “I want to show you something.”

Alex took her hand and let her pull him away from the party and out to her car. She could tell by the way he looked at her as she drove that he wanted to say any of the million things that were running through his head, but instead, he remained silent. It was an hour-long drive from the house on Bainbridge Island as they took the ferry into Seattle. She turned on the music to make the silence less awkward as she continued to drive back to the Queen Anne neighborhood. However, instead of taking him home, she drove a few blocks over.

Jo pulled open the door to the abandoned bungalow and let Alex step in first as he looked around. She hadn’t gotten permission to explore the space from the owner when she made the offer, so walking around the space they were technically breaking in, something neither of them were strangers to.

“Why are we here?” Alex said turning around as he walked further into the space.

“It's a house.” Jo clarifies as she follows him in.

“Jo, it's a crime scene,” Alex said gesturing to the garbage and leftover furniture around them. The walls were torn open and the floors weren’t much better. It looked like the house in new york from Home Alone 2.

“Stop! Stop it, you're ruining it,” Jo said, she knew it needed a lot of work to turn it into a livable space, but she could see it become a home.

“Someone beat me to that,” Alex said looking around.

“Oh, shut up, it's all I can afford!” Jo said walking up the stand in front of him she sighed and folded her hands together before gesturing to the space around her. “I took everything, all my savings, everything that I had and it was almost enough to cover the whole thing.”

“Wait, you're buying this?” Alex said with a sigh.

“Well, um, we are, if you want to pitch in. I put in an offer.” Jo said as she watched his face as he took it. His eyebrows knit together and he still had that look of bewilderment on his face, but she continued as she stepped towards him. “Sell Meredith her house back, because this is what I want. Our own place, for the three of us. I just, I saw this place, and I thought that we could make it anything, whatever we want.”

Jo looks at the ceiling and turned to look around at the empty space around her. With the two stories, there was enough room for a few bedrooms and a nursery for the baby. There was a lot of open light and windows and they couldn't see it from there, but there was a decent size backyard. Jo knew that she didn't need a white picket fence to build her family, this was what she wanted.

“I love you and I love living with you, but we should just, we should have our own place. For just us, you, me, and this baby.” Jo said as she took a step forward, she reached out and took his hand, placing it on her stomach. “If you want that. If that's, if that's what you want, too.”

“You've never said that,” Alex said, with a little shake of his head.

“Said what?” Jo asked, not sure what he was referring to.

“I love you.”

Jo stared into his eyes and shook her head remembering what he had said early in the office behind the nurses’ station. “I didn't think that I had to.”

Alex leaned forward and kissed her. Jo instantly put her hand on his cheek and wrapped the other around his neck. He kissed her as an I love you, back and she finally melted into his embrace. He kept his hand on her belly and put the other on her waist pulling her closer to him. They seemed to kiss forever and Jo wasn't ready to let him go when he pulled back.

“I'm not so sure about raising a baby here?” Alex said, looking down at his hand on her stomach.

Jo put her hand over his and turned to lean against him as he wrapped his arms around her waist and kept them on her belly. “We could make a little entryway there, and then we could have an open floor plan with the living room and the kitchen and playroom in the back that looks out over the backyard. Our bedroom would be upstairs and next to that we could put the nursery and there’s space for one or two more bedrooms, for siblings though, not strays.”

“It's further from the hospitial and close to Meredith,” Alex said, but she could tell he wasn't putting up much of a fight, more just making sure that this is what she wanted. “But the parks just around the corner.”

“The neighborhood's not that bad and it's a great park and a good school district, and I don’t mind living so close to Meredith so long as she donesn’t end up in out bed anymore” Jo said, squeezing his hands on her stomach before she looked around the space agian. “I know it's not much, but it could be a good home and it's what I want.”

“Okay,” Alex said, nodding before he put his head on her shoulder. “I guess we better hire a good contractor right away. Someone that can get it all done in, about 35 weeks?”

“34 weeks, I’m six weeks along and due March 24th,” Jo said with a smile as Alex kissed her shoulder before she turned around. “I know it's unplanned and unexpected, but I’m happy about it. I want to have a family with you.”

“I don't care either. I don't care that it's unplanned. I want a family with you, too Jo. You and me, we're going to be good parents, just like I said.” Alex nodded as he moved from behind her and pulled her away towards the door. “And if I’m going to be a good dad and a good partner to you, I should probably get you and the baby out of this mold filled mess.”

Jo smiled and let Alex pull her along with one hand around her waist and the other on her belly they walked back to the car.

“Do you want to go back to the party?” Alex asked, opening the car door for her.

“Not really,” Jo said as she shook her head and got in.

“Want to go home, order pizza, and fall asleep on the couch?” Alex said getting into the car and smiling over at her, knowing her answer.

Jo returned his smile as she looked over and reached out for his hand. “I'm pretty sure pizza and a movie is what got us this little one.”

Alex laughed remembering their movie night on the couch a few weeks ago that ended with them ignoring the movie in favor of other activities.

“That was a good night,” Alex said, squeezing her hand.

Jo looked down and put a hand on her belly. “Yeah, it was.”

You're My Home came on the radio and Alex smiled as he started to sing to her. Jo laughed as he kept singing and reached over to put his hand over her hand on her belly. He didn't have the best singing voice, but she still loved it when he sang to her and now he would sing for her and their baby. This was her family and they would build a home together and it would be everything she ever dreamed of.

#jo wilson #alex karev #jolex #grey's anatomy #otp: home and heart #grey's anatomy fanfic #jolex fanfic #my work #my writing #my fanfiction

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anti-porn-unicorn · 3 years

Text

I’m a girl (18 now) who got exposed/addicted to pornography at a really young age, and I wanted to share my specific story on this blog so that the platform can get it out there.

Under the cut is my full story, and it’s a little long winded, so if you don’t want to read the whole thing, I bolded in purple the general topic/idea of that section. Just look for whichever of those interests you and the section will be about that. The first and last paragraph are good for context and end goal, though.

Thank you.

I don't fully remember my first exposure to porn. I know I was in third grade (6-7 yrs old, I had skipped a grade). The reason I had wanted to share my story, in fact, is because I don't see many stories with circumstances similar to mine. Most I see have at least one of the following 'modifiers', for want of a better word. Most I see have at least one of the following 'modifiers', for want of a better word. Most I see have at least one of the following 'modifiers', for want of a better word. 1. The person is a victim of CSA/grooming. 2. The person was at a generally pubescent age (~11-14). And/or 3. The person experienced porn as a quick disturbance. To be clear, these stories are as valid and important as mine, and I simply think more perspectives make evidence of the effects of porn more airtight. I've never been the victim of SA, harassment, or grooming, ever in my life. My story shows the effects of exclusively porn.

The first memory I can recall about this was actually the first time I got caught. I was 6 yrs old, and very into video games,so on this day, I was playing a 3D porn game on my crappy hand-me-down laptop. I kind of knew that what I was doing wasn't acceptable, so I was sitting in my room in the corner as far from my door as possible. My mom walked in so I just slammed the laptop shut because I wasn't that good at hiding things. My mom obviously asked what I was doing, and I tried to keep her from looking, but it was right there when she reopened it. This is where the battle of it begins.

From ages 6-14 I don't have a good timeline of events but a few pop out that exemplify the severity of the issue. These are very probably out of order.

I got an iPod Touch for Christmas (~6-7), and every night I would watch porn on it until they caught on. I literally still remember some names of the sites, most that don't even exist anymore. My parents have always been amazingly caring. I couldn't ask for more. During the earlier ages (~6-8) I was put with a child therapist for fear of a deeper issue. My parents started either taking technology away in the night and/or setting restrictions on the internet. Unfortunately, between my slight tech-savvy, and my crazed addiction at this point, this wasn't a solution.

The addiction got DEEP. It warped my brain. When I had no technology, I used everything I could find.

Whenever I had access to less restricted internet, I used it. Once I asked my older cousin to use her iPod and watched it on there.(she noticed and told my mom. I remember my mom had asked me "Is there anything you need to tell me?", and I knew what she meant, but I just said "nope!" and walked away. At one point my dad's work provided him with a Blackberry, and I asked him could I play one of the built in little games. Once I had it, I watched porn. (when I gave it back to him he pressed the "back" button, and I was caught.)

I used Youtube. This was when YouTube was way less moderated (back when the app was a little old timey TV). I learned I could look up "striptease" and "nip-slip" and other stuff like that, finding more soft-core videos that could suffice when the internet in general was locked down.

I straight-up found out ways to disable the restrictions. Once I found out my mom's PIN for the controls, I went and disabled them, but changed the PIN so it would look like they were still on, and so that she couldn’t access and re-enable them. (I made it 7399. Spells "sexy". My mind was a mess.)

My parents bought a book called "The Classical Tradition". I'm just learning now as I'm looking it up that it was a Harvard Reference Library book (probably why it was so damn thick) about ancient Greek and Roman culture. I didn't know that. I had realized that sprinkled throughout the book there were pages that were more glossy than the rest, which you could see from the sides of the pages (the book was HUGE). These were the photo paper, which had the classical paintings and sculptures. And because these had nudity (Think "The Birth of Venus" type) I would regularly flip through this book when I needed a "fix". Absurd.

My parents got me an American Girl book that was made to ease worries about the developmental years. The pages on breast development / the anatomy of the vagina were what I looked at the most. When my parents had gotten me the child therapist, there was the logical fear that I might have been molested. The therapist gave me a book where there was a page with two cartoon mice, a boy and a girl. They were wearing swimwear/underwear and the point of that was "anywhere the clothing is covering is somewhere that adults can't touch you without telling.” They might as well have been stick figures, there was NO detail. But since they were in ‘underwear’ I'd always look at that page a lot. Anything barely vaguely sexual.

During this part of my life, I got no real pleasure out of this, I was just obsessed. For the first year I even watched it on mute out of fear of being caught. The lowest point during this period was when I very unfortunately filmed a video of me touching myself. I got nothing out of it and had no intent on ever sending or posting it. I was just emulating what I had been seeing. I deleted it the next day. I was 9 then.

From puberty until now (11-18) is when my sexuality was shaped by it. The addiction was far more controllable, I could spend a couple weeks to a couple months without it, but I'd always come back. Because it was now tied to my body. And while my need for it to be constant was gone, now I had to deal with the tolerance issue.

Over time what I watched became more and more depraved. I had the personal preference of hating anything amateur, because of the low quality, so I managed to avoid anything obviously non-consensual or involving visibly underaged girls, but that doesn't really mean much with the stuff the studios were putting out. During the middle points it got REALLY violent and disturbing. Bordering on torture (extreme kink) and even bodily deformation. As a young woman, I couldn't really tolerate any of the role based Kinks (father-daughter, babysitter, schoolgirl), so more extreme for me meant more extreme acts. Just absolute destruction of women's bodies for the purposes of sex. I moved away from that when tumblr banned porn and I started using reddit for it, and also during that time I was realizing how fucked up of an addiction that this was, even before I found feminism/anti-porn. I actively started trying to quit it, for good. But I always went back.

One big effect is heavy confusion with my sexual orientation. A lot of people face this, but the addition of porn for me really throws things off. Like: Am I bi, and a form of comphet/denial/inexperience keeps me from seeing women in a romantic way? Is it a mix of that and porn? (relatively likely) Or am I just straight, and the porn has completley shaped my mind (likely). 90% of the time I watched solo female content or lesbian content, and could only stand to watch certain specific forms if it included men at all. In real life I find a fair amount of men attractive but their bodies in a sexual sense are tolerable at best, but usually cringe inducing. l've never been attracted to a woman romantically, but exclusively women's bodies are sexual to me. It feels like everything in my brain that I would have been able to use in order to figure myself out has been permanently overwritten with incorrect information. Because of porn.

I've still got it bad. Every once in a while, I’ll read something vaguely sexual, or see a woman in a risque photo, and then the seed is planted. I'll always say "I'm not going to do it, I always feel disgusting after, it’s not even really enjoyable at this point, I can do better than this”. I always give in the end of the night. I'm 7 days off of it. I've been on this earth for 18 years. 12 of those years I've been cripplingly addicted to pornography. Two thirds of my life, and for as long as I can remember. I can never undo it. Just like an alcoholic will always be an alcoholic, only able to achieve remission, I will always be a porn addict. I have to be careful. But I have to hope for the future. And with finding the community that is speaking the truth about this, I'm heartened to do better. To no longer be held down by an addiction to consuming my own oppression.

#thank you for sharing #you’re not alone in this #I’m glad you escaped the addiction!#submission

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katsubiatch · 3 years

Text

Hopelessly Devoted-2

Warnings: Bar Shenanigans, Alcohol consumption, descriptions of medical events

Authors Note: I'm so sorry it took me so long to get this out! I have a 11 month old and a full time job, plus we recently found out so bad news about my father in laws health so I've been taking time for family. However now this is finally out I hope everyone likes it and I've already started working on the next part which I can hopefully get out soon. Thank you to everyone who has stuck around!! Also just a note at the start of each chapter, not sure how many there will be, I am going to add in a part that will tie later into the story!

Pain. Indescribable pain soaked into each part of your body, molding into each crack and crevice. You thought you were screaming but you couldn't quite tell. When your ryes finally opened the bright white lights almost blinded you. There was a flurry of activity around you, people moving, your body parts being moved and needles poking into you. "You're alright, it's going to be okay. Just breath for me, okay Y/N?" You heard to your left, and your head felt heavy as you looked over to a familiar face of one of your coworkers. She looked like she was going to cry. Then you heard some familiar words that usually meant bad news. "Pressures are dropping, we need to get an ultrasound. She might be having internal bleeding!"

There were a few words that you wanted to get out, but your tongue felt thick and sluggish. Your brain not working as quickly as you would like but soon you were fading back into that black nothingness where there was no pain and you could rest. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

One date lead to two, two to three and so on. The last thing you expected was to be exclusively dating a pro hero. Especially not such a controversial pro hero who was explosive both literally and emotionally. You hadn't really kept up with pros before but since you started dating Dynamight, or Katsuki as you were now able to call him, you noticed him in more and more interviews and managed to catch him on the news more often than you ever had before. He was... sweet and kind when he wanted to be, but he was also brash and rude at times. You were able to see past that most of the time. You took it in stride, brushed off his comments that weren't meant to be rude but came off that way. He showed his love and appreciation in strange ways, and you just had to decipher it.

Of course your relationship was kept out of the news, quiet and secret. You didn't mind too much, after all you were not about fame and wanting people to know your name. Katsuki said that it was safer that way, no villain's would come after you to get to him. You wouldn't be under constant threat of being kidnapped or killed. Besides it also kept your name out of the tabloids and gossip columns with people speculating on who you were and if you were just with Katsuki because of his fame or money. However there were a few people he wanted to let in on the secret.

You were currently sitting at the same bar you'd met at, sipping at your drink while Katsuki sat next to you and peeled the label off his beer bottle. It was hard to tell when he was anxious but this was a safe assumption that he was at least a little nervous. You were going to be meeting his friends, ones from high school that he'd managed to stay in touch with. Though you were sure that was mostly because they all pretty much worked together as pros. "Don't be so nervous. I'm sure it will be fine." You rolled your eyes, moving to place your hands around his, stilling them as you looked up at him. "I'm pretty sure I've met most of them before at the hospital. So I mean.. I already slightly know them." You shrugged and went back to your drink. The coolness from the ice a stark contrast to the warmth of Katsuki's hands. "It's not that... they're just idiots and they'll probably drive you away. I mean they're a lot to handle." That was an understatement but Y/N wasn't worried. If his friends were too much she could always excuse herself for a few minutes. Besides how bad could they be? "Don't worry about that, I'm sure there isn't anything they could say that would keep me away from you." You smiled, leaning over to place a kiss against Bakugou's lips, which caused him to become flustered and turn a shade of pink. He wasn't a huge fan of PDA so you didn't often push but he indulged you sometimes.

"Uh oh, Bakubro caught kissing in public!" A loud voice sounded to he left of you two, causing you to look over at a very energetic blond. You'd seen him quite a few times getting stitched up and flirting with nurses. "Hi, I'm..." He started but trailed off when you interrupted him.

"Denki Kaminari. I've seen you in the ER a few times, you're the one who.. gets kind of dumb when you overuse your quirk, right?" You asked, giving him a smile. "Ooohhh that's rough bro." Another tall man with bright red hair and built like a God in your opinion, and could be none other than.. "Eijiro Kirishima, nice to meet you." "Okay that's enough small talk!" Bakagou grumbled as he looked over at the three of you, causing you to laugh a touch. "Where are Pinky and Plain face?" He inquired. "On their way, got stuck at the office." Kaminari pouted from his spot at the table. Things went much better than Bakugou could have imagined. You got along with his friends almost too well and he almost regretted introducing you to them. You were tipsy with Mina and Kaminari, and he was sure that the three of you were coming up with a bad idea which you were, and ended up with the three of you absolutely butchering karaoke. But Bakugou didn't care, things felt right and he was glad you got along with his friends.

It was a year into your relationship, and the two of you had moved in together. It wasn't often that you got to spend together. With Bakugou wanting to do everything he could to become number 1 and with your crazy work schedule it just made sense. Some days you only saw each other in passing, or the rare night off you would spend being lazy and sleeping. It wasn't ideal but neither of you would ask the other to give up things. So you took your one or two nights a week that you actually got to sleep next to your boyfriend over nothing, and didn't complain. You didn't complain but things started to turn sour at one point when Bakugou caught you and your coworker standing a bit to close to one another to read a chart. His mind had gone crazy with jealousy and thoughts of you cheating on him. The lack of time spent together drove him crazy and cause a lot of insecurities in him.

"Are you kidding me? I'm cheating on you with Arata? Seriously?" You managed to get out after he finally voice his accusations aloud. You'd just gotten home from a long shift, almost twenty four hours and this was how you were greeted. Bakugou sitting at the kitchen table ready for an interrogation the second you walked in. "I don't know where you got your information or what you think is true but you're wrong." You scoffed, shaking your head and moving to pull your shoes off.

"I'm wrong? Then why is that creep always hanging around you?Every time I'm at the hospital he's standing right next to you." Bakugou was ready for any excuse, anything that you had to say. "Because he's my friend?" You voiced as a question, going about your routine for when you got home from work. Getting dinner, peeling off your scrubs and taking a hot shower. "We work together, and he's my friend. I've never even thought of him like that." You scrunched up your nose, shaking your head and moving towards the bathroom. "Just a friend?" "Yes! Just a friend! He's a doctor in the ER and we work together. Most of the time we're working on the same cases." You shrug starting to undress as you look back over at him. "I promise that we aren't running around the hospital having secret sex rendezvous. It isn't like Grey's Anatomy." You sigh and undo your hair from the bun you'd piled it in halfway through your shift. "Fine, I'll believe you." Bakugou huffed, smiling down at your naked form, his hands moving to your hips. "That's all I ask." You beam up at him, pulling at the bottom of his shirt, "Mmm now why don't you join me in the shower?" Little didn't you know that this wouldn't be the last time you had this conversation.

#bakugou x y/n #bakugou x reader #bakugou x you #bakugou katuski x reader #Hopelessly Devoted

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fatilightwood · 3 years

Text

Our story

You can read the fic on Ao3

Chapter 4

Chapter 5: With the help of all my friends

They had that date and then they had a lot more over the course of two weeks.

Alastair had been free of work once he handed in his essay, and Thomas’s professors were giving him a break from assignments.

Life was good, life was incredible.

They had dinner, they had gone to the cinema, and even had breakfast with Ariadne at college. Now Thomas knew where Alastair’s profile picture had been taken. At the outdoor lunch tables. Alastair and Ariadne’s favorite place to have breakfast and gossip.

Thomas had found it calming that talking with Ariadne was easy. He didn’t know what he would do if Alastair’s best friend didn’t like him. Fortunately she seemed to be okay with him. That was good. Because otherwise how could he be with Alastair?

That brought him some other thoughts. Sometimes he’d told himself he was very optimistic about everything. Perhaps even now. Would Alastair want to be with him? Like officially? Bloody hell, they haven’t even kissed.

Was that a bad sign? Perhaps Alastair just hasn’t thought about it. And really, that would be unfair, because Thomas had been imagining it. At least, he didn’t have those thoughts that regularly around Alastair, otherwise he was sure he would look like a tomato all the time. The Carstairs boy hadn’t been really helpful in that area. Thomas suspected he very much liked to make Thomas blush. And then he wouldn’t say a thing, or to try to make a move.

He was still scrolling through his phone when a text came. Speaking of the devil. Or just thinking about him? Whatever. The important thing was the guy he didn’t seemed to be able to stop thinking about was texting him.

He immediately opened the chat and read the message.

He answered quickly.

Yes.

****

Alastair walked excitedly to the place where he was meeting his friends.

It didn’t take him long to spot Ariadne on a table. She was sipping some red liquid from a glass. He waved at her until she saw him.

“Do you think they’re gonna be here soon? I’m hungry.” Ariadne said as soon as he took a seat.

“You want to bribe me so you’re not the only one eating when they arrive?”

“I wouldn’t do that.” She said, shaking his head slowly in fake disappointment.

“Bowl of chips, yes or no? Quick.”

“Yes.” Ariadne clapped her hands. “I love you so much.”

“I know.” He smiled, while he saw Ariadne calling the waiter.

Ten minutes later they had ate almost the entire plate.

“How’s Cordelia?”

“Excited. Remember I told you about her friend Lucie, she just came to our apartment in the morning.”

“Oh, yes. Are they coming tomorrow?”

“I wouldn’t want to but I think Layla knew about the party even before us. I don’t think I can stop her but we’ll have to watch those two.”

“I love ruining the fun for the young ones.”

“You make us sound like we’re ancient.”

“Ok, then you’re the only grandpa.”

Alastair glared at her with squinted eyes. “Grace just texted. She says they’ll be here in a few minutes. They were stuck in traffic.”

“They better hurry, cause these ones aren’t going to last.”

“Either way, they would have to order another one.” He said and took more than 3 pieces at the same time.

“This isn’t a competition.” Ariadne said smiling

“But if it were you’d be losing.”

Grace Blackthorn and his brother, Jesse walked into the pub. They waved at the two friends who were already eating.

“Sorry for the lateness, Jesse took more time while readying himself.” Grace said, smiling wickedly at Jesse.

“So it’s this my fault now? We’ve would have been here in time if we hadn't been stuck in traffic.”

“Maybe we wouldn’t have gotten stuck in traffic if we had left the house sooner.”

“You can’t now that.”

The siblings had already taken their seats and were looking at each other with barely contained smirks.

“Well, hello to you guys, Ariadne and I are fine, by the way.” Alastair said.

“But we’re starving, and the chips were good but now I need my chicken wings.” Ariadne said. “But you arrived just in time, we haven’t finished this order yet, want some?” She pushed the dish closer to them.

“Are we gonna order another one?” Jesse asked.

“I could eat some more.” said Ariadne.

“Me too.”

“Then we should order now, I’m starving.”

They ordered pizza and chicken wings, always following the tradition of tasting each other’s dishes.

Eventually, the conversation took the way of gossip. And the latest gossip they all needed was to know more about Alastair’s love life. Their friend had been very cryptic in his texts, Grace and Jesse had to hear the majority trough Ariadne. The siblings were disappointed, that was one of the disadvantages of not studying the same major with them.

“Yes, we’ve went to the movies, we went to the park, and we’ve had other dates.” Alastair said eventually, as if they were forcing information out of him. It was fun to pretend they annoyed him, because everyone knew it wasn’t real. Alastair was glad they had reached this point of trust.

“So, is it real?”

“No, Grace, he’s a hologram, of course he’s real.”

“I meant,” she said, superiorly “it’s official. You found someone who’s actually a catch and you haven’t run away.”

Ariadne smiled and said “She has a point, you know.”

Alastair rolled his eyes. He didn’t need to say anything. He knew his friends were right.

“Shut up. There’s still plenty of time to run.”

“You’re not gonna do it.” Jesse said.

“No, there’s no plan to do it.” Alastair confirmed.

“But, there’s a plan to take him to a date to the museum on Wednesday.” Ariadne intervened.

“Oh my God, you art students are weird. Do people actually go to museums on a date?” Grace joked.

“You don’t get to have a say in that. You had study dates. What the hell is that?” His brother said.

“It’s a good way to get the anatomy learned.” Graced winked.

Jesse looked disgusted while Alastair burst out laughing. When he calmed down he said “Yes, we do that, but in my defense, it was his idea. I told him I liked the pieces in there and Thomas said it would be fun to go there together.” He shrugged.

“Oh my god, it’s more than official, why isn’t he your boyfriend already?” Jesse asked and then took a sip from his beer.

“That’s what I’ve been asking him.” Ariadne said, exasperated. “But this idiot hasn’t even kissed him.”

“You haven’t?” Grace asked incredulously.

“Nope.”

“Why?”

“I don’t know.”

“I can’t believe it.”

“Me neither.” Ariadne intervened.

“This is so weird, you never take so long.” Grace said.

Grace was right, he knew, but this was different. It had been different since the beginning.

After his relationship failed he had tried to date again. He went to dates with some guys, he kissed them, he talked to them, but at the end the result was always the same, he left. One was too clingy, another too arrogant, one made Alastair wonder how he had survived college. Surely someone else had answered his exams. After them, Alastair understood he didn't need a new relationship and he really didn't need to kiss someone he didn't care about. It wasn't fair to them or to Alastair. But now Alastair was in unknown territory because he had never been in this position. He had never met someone like Thomas.

“I don’t know, I— he’s just so sweet, I—”

“So you’re scared to corrupt his kind soul?” Ariadne asked, with air of superiority. She was raising her eyebrow, daring him.

“To be fair he’s so much kinder than me.”

“True. But–“

“What? You’re not even going to disagree?”

“Facts are facts, baby.”

“Guys, we all know that is rubbish.” He pointed at Alastair. “You haven’t run away but you also haven’t given him the opportunity.”

“I am giving him— giving us the chance, perhaps I’m even being too hopeful.”

“I think your hope is well placed, I don’t know Thomas very much but from what I hear, he’s a good guy and he cares a lot about you.”

“We don’t know him, and I know you’ve told us only a little but I believe that is enough for me. I think he’s worth it. And if I’m wrong, I will gladly hunt him down.” Grace said smiling.

Alastair smirked at the thought of slim Grace against muscular Thomas. But he didn’t have doubts about his friend, she could summon strength from only God knows where and give some good punches. He had seen it.

“Yes! Nobody is allowed to hurt my Alastair.” Ariadne agreed.

“I will hold him, and then Grace can punch him.” Jesse affirmed.

“As much as I love this violent show display of protectiveness, I’m gonna say that I don’t want Thomas punched, but of course that’s his decision.” He said, arrogantly.

The group of friends laughed. They all knew Alastair had bad experiences and didn’t want to put his heart at risk. It had been a hard process, but he was getting better every day. Now they all hoped Thomas wouldn’t break his heart.

The serious moment had passed. And Ariadne knew how to set them in another mood.

“You should invite him to tomorrow’s party.”

“Yes, it would be great.” Jesse said.

Alastair had thought about it. He hadn’t decided yet. But he knew it was time to make a decision.

“Only if all of you are going to behave.”

“When aren’t we behaving?” Grace asked, feigning hurt.

“Yeah, behaving like idiots.”

“You’re not helping, Jesse.”

“Go, go.” Ariadne urged.

Alastair took his phone and started typing.

There’s a party tomorrow. I believe it’s a birthday. Honestly, I was just dragged. Would you like to go?

“It’s done.”

When Thomas’s ‘yes’ came they yelled. Alastair rolled his eyes at them. At least three people had turned their heads to glare at them.

#thomastair #thomastair fluff #alastair carstairs #thomas lightwood

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avasghost · 4 years

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Crane Anatomy Update #2

(slightly outdated WIP intro here)

DISCLAIMER: this is my original work. please do not plagiarize in any way.

Hello!! I’m finally back with the second crane anatomy update!

first of all, this is probably going to be a very long post, so brace yourself for a lot of mindless rambling.

LOTS of things have changed since the last update, and its going much better now thankfully! what has happened:

i restarted the book

i changed the form

i got very burnt out

i stopped being burnt out (mostly) after making a verb list (fun verbs always help)

i figured out some stuff about my writing process

so there’s a lot to cover.

first!! I restarted the book!! This is obviously the biggest change that took place. I made a post about it here, when i wasn’t sure if i was going to restart yet, and then decided to go for it and now i’m about 4000 words into the new version. It’s going a lot better in most ways, the prose is better (somewhat), and so far nothing boring or unnecessary has happened so that’s nice! but also some things are worse: this version is burning me out a lot more, probably because i’m trying harder to make it good. there was a long period when i was hardly writing it at all, but i’m getting into it a bit more now so that’s good.

secondly, with the restart, i made a few form changes that i love and really benefit the story. first of all, it’s not in vignettes anymore (sigh of relief) because i realized that wasn’t working and the book didn’t need it. vignettes are kinda light and jumpy and fast paced, and at first i thought that was perfect for this book because of its lightness, but as i figured out more things about the characters and plot, i realized that even though the settings and aesthetic are quite sunny and bright, it’s actually a very inherently heavy story and the longer chapters will help that quite a lot with the lightness and yet also heaviness if that makes sense?? and also, the exciting part: every second chapter is a vignette flashback to Isobel’s old life.

for context, at the beginning of the first chapter, they arrive at their new house, and it’s them entering a new life, which is much darker than their old life. but the vignette chapters are flashbacks to their childhood growing up in their old house. the prose in these vignettes is very hazy and bright and dreamy and saturated, because Isobel’s memories of her childhood portray it as brighter and better than it probably really was.

and finally, in all these major changes, i figured out something about my writing process: i’m a pantser, but i like to have the first few chapters outlined, as sort of a springboard into the rest of the book, something solid to base everything else off of. i guess that technically makes me a plantser, even though everything else is pantsed.

now, onto the chapters and excerpts! i’m finished the first chapter and the first vignette, and currently working on chapter 2.

you may notice that some scenes are very similar to the first attempt, because i did keep a lot of scenes and also a lot of the same prose.

excerpts under the cut.

chapter 1: this new life

it felt soooooo good to write a full length chapter again. after trying to write vignettes for a while, writing a full length chapter was so much more enjoyable. i used to be a very serious underwriter, but (luckily) have mostly gotten over that and can write actual full chapters now, and have a hard time writing short ones!

i named the chapter “this new life” because my plan is to mirror it later in the book, when there’s a vignette flashback to right before they left their old house and its called “this old life” (if i decide to title the vignettes). i love mirroring chapter titles and lines and stuff so i’m excited for this.

ALSO i said in the first writing update (which i won’t link because it’s embarrassing) that there’s a redwood tree in the backyard, but i changed it to an oak tree lol because i realized it would be v weird for someone to have a random redwood tree growing in their backyard.

excerpts

first of all, the new first line:

(idk if this is actually an oak tree but i don’t care about tree accuracy as long as there’s aesthetic accuracy ✨)

The first time Isobel steps onto the lawn outside the new house is the first time she feels her life change in person. It’s instantaneous, like a death or a rebirth. Clouds thread across a sun-smothered sky like gossamer strands, swallows trill out of the limbs of oak trees that arrow down the sidewalk. The car only halfway to a stop, and Isobel has already clambered out. A squirrel bullets along an oak branch. A wind chime tremolos in the breeze. It’s the first day of summer. Life has never felt so dead.

a bit about them unpacking and living sad times (also i changed their mom’s name from beth to pamela because beth was too stereotypical)

Nobody speaks except to toss instructions back and forth, or ask for something to be passed to them as they unpack the few things they need to last the night. Their mother, Pamela, is quick-tempered. It’s clear she never wanted to come here, even though she always smiled when they talked about it, encouraged everybody, told them it was for the best, which it was. It was for the best, but that didn’t make it a good thing. That didn’t brighten the prospect, make it feel better. That just made it less avoidable.

Cyrus, their father, keeps up his usual attitude of encouragement, just like Pamela, pointing out every good thing: the sunlight that spangles everything in citrine, the pizza he’s about to order, the bluebird that spits music in the open window, though he says all these things half-heartedly. His faltering smiles give him away. The strands of grey hair pasted to his forehead. The woolly cable-knit sweater he only wears when he’s unhappy and has been wearing almost every day for the last two months.

and of course, margaret is having the time of her life because she’s margaret:

Margaret is the only one who shows no sign of remorse. She unpacks quickly, then spends the rest of the day ruffling through boxes and coolers for crinkly chip bags and frozen strawberries that melt on your tongue and dribble down your throat. A pocket mirror spined with cracks sits beside her on the table, in case she needs to tweak her reflection. Gold chain jewelry chimes around her throat when she moves, glints in the sunlight that pools around her.

after they eat dinner and isobel leaves (yes i’ve shared most of this excerpt before but it’s one of my favorite parts so here it is again!)

After dinner, Isobel’s throat is still throbbing and she decides to leave the house, leave her family, so if she cries no one has to see her. She doesn’t know where she’ll go, where there is to go, but at seven o’clock she lies about where she’s going, shoves out of her chair and clatters out the door without saying goodbye.

From the doorstep, this new life is just a neighborhood. A car parked in half the driveways, the others at work or school or nowhere. Hedges only trimmed on one side. Flower beds, half withering and half thriving. Marigolds are the most radiant as Isobel stalks down the road. Their fluorescent buds like blood-rimmed suns.

She walks down the middle of the road because the town is quiet at this time, no cars whisk on the pavement, swish corners because they don’t think anyone will be walking there. It’s a risk she finds thrilling because she knows Pamela would make her stop if she was here.

Isobel told them she would go explore the neighborhood, the town, maybe the empty spaces outside it. Wave hello to the skinny chiffon woman bent double over the trunk of her red Chevrolet, the man in the houndstooth jacket in his gaping garage, smoke snaking up the throat of his cigarette. Smile when they wave back.

and of course she runs into a forest because everything i write features too many forest scenes!

She runs until her breath clumps in her chest and she stops, one hand splayed over the itchy bark of an elm tree to keep her balance. It’s dark here, but she’s not afraid of the dark. It’s lonely here, but she’s immune to loneliness. Trees spoke the thin canopy, a veil of gauzy leaves. The sky is clotted with sagging clouds.

this chapter is also where we meet felix, who i love so much. i want to make a character intro for him and also his brother, miles, soon, but i’ve been planning to do that for weeks and haven’t yet so i don’t know when/if i will.

felix shows up in the forest and he and isobel talk a bit: felix is very nice and isobel is my lil psychopath wannabe <3. isobel ends up leaving abruptly because it’s about to rain, and then she gets home and talks with piper a bit and then goes to bed. i don’t like ending chapters with characters going to bed, because i do it so much! a character going to bed has a sense of closure since its the end of the day, and obviously there’s nothing wrong with ending a chapter like this, but i do it do often that it’s starting to irritate me.

first vignette

i still haven’t decided how i’m going to title the vignettes. they’re not chapters, so this isn’t going to be called ‘chapter 2′, but they’re still sort of chapters?? right now i just have them titled as roman numerals, but i’m not happy with this and am going to change it as soon as i think of something better.

this vignette is a short flashback to that morning, right before they leave to go to their new house. it features isobel and piper going into the forest and then they leave and its v sad.

this is the first flashback in the book, and then in future flashbacks it jumps back a few years and follows their childhood right up to this flashback again. the last flashback is going to end with the same line as the first line of the actual book, so it comes full circle.

excerpts

There were different types of trees. It was a different town, in a different province. Isobel and Piper had evaded Pamela’s searching fingers, hopped the fence, blotted under the trees like redwing blackbirds.

Piper slowed first, sunlight quivering over her sawn black curls, pinching out a cramp after outrunning Isobel the whole time.

same excerpt as in the first update but with an extra sentence at the end and the beginning! why share new prose when you can just recycle old excerpts galaxy brain

here’s when pamela calls them out of the forest and they leave:

Pamela’s raspy shouts wound Piper and Isobel out of reverie. They trundled to their feet, flitted through the trees back to the house. Then they left.

Isobel stared at the house through the rear window as the car clicked into motion, wheels whirring on the pavement. She watched it shrink: first it was her home, then just a house, then a dollhouse, a triangle of roof on the horizon, and then nothing. From that point on, it was just an image in her head, a lingering wish. A life lost. A life she would never get back again.

this is v sad i’m sorry characters but i had to cause you this misery for the sake of the plot (also you probably deserve it)

anyway that’s all i have for this update! bye!

- Ava

Crane Anatomy taglist (ask to be added/removed!):

@gracestowewriting @flip-phones @shaelinwrites

#crane anatomy #writing update #am writing #my writing #excerpts

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geekkatsblog · 4 years

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Grey's Anatomy season 17 episode 4

(Get these characters some Ragu sauce because they've been through enough.)

This episode has been the best for the season so far, I loved it.

_________________________________________

Jackson and Jo

(Never thought I'd have to put them in a title together.)

Jackson and Jo I was intrigued at first when they were being just friends but then they swapped it and slept together. At this point I'm not sure if I like the pairing it's kinda odd borderline cringe, but maybe it'll change. It might be because it came on so suddenly and different. They've pledged to be a friends with benefits thing which is for the best, because Jackson really does go through clothes like he does clothes, but we all know how that is going to end up, someone is going to catch feelings and I don't think it's going to be Jo.

Honestly I'm not sure what they're doing with Jackson. He hasn't had a plot in a really long time it seems like they're just using him as a general filler to put the ladies in relationships, and where did my baby Harriet go she carried the show for the few seconds she was in it last time.

Other than their new arrangement neither Jackson nor Jo have any pressing plots at the moment.

___________________________________________

Link and Amelia

(Currently carrying the Grey's relationship game.)

Before we get into it can I just express how adorable it was seeing Amelia gardening and mothering. She's really doing a great job.

And Link and his one man band serenading his son is adorable as well. He's an awesome father as everyone knew he would have been.

The pandemic and the possibility of Meredith dying is getting to them, as it would for anyone in their positions. I loved that he sat with Amelia and allowed her to feel all her feelings. Link has been the only partner Amelia has had who actually listened to her instead of talking over her concerns and dismissing them and in return she sat with him and allowed him to process his grief in the way he preferred to. Their levels of communication is on point right now and I am excited to see where it goes. Then there's also the scene where she's afraid for Meredith, her and Meredith had a rocky start and even now they don't have the best relationship but still it's great to see the moments where they let us know that they do care about each other.

___________________________________________

Nico and Levi

(At this point I'm sad to put these two names together up here.)

I shipped those two so strong at the beginning but now I just want Levi to stand up for himself and leave Nico hanging, give him some time to let him realise what a good thing he is messing up. I'm still seething at his hypocrisy calling Levi a baby gay and lowkey pressuring Levi to come out to and move out of his mother's basement only for him to find out that Nico hasn't come out to his parents either and worst of all basically left him homeless by putting him out.

I was sad to see that Levi was falling down the same rabbit hole again. Levi hunny you deserve better. At the beginning of the episode when they had that awkward hi moment I was like oh no here we go again. Jo's reaction to finding out about them was perfect their friendship really has grown on me. It was a little odd at first but I approve of them as each other's persons, and for Jo to let him know he's worth more until Nico gets his crap together.

___________________________________________

Owen

Oh Owen, no just no, he miss diagnosed a patient because he didn't look at the whole picture and just saw a piece, however he took the time to educate himself so I'm feeling a little better, I was expecting him to get mad or offended but he wasn't he took it in stride usually some of the doctors would tend to get snippy at the resident's when they pointed out that they made a mistake but he didn't. This is a common mistake made where doctors don't take into concept ethnicity when they're diagnosing patients and I'm glad they touched on this topic.

Owen has no other current plots at this point to touch on, at least until him and Teddy talk again.

___________________________________________

Richard Webber

Meredith better be alright and come out unscathed, because if she does that will destroy Webber. He was so stressed all episode trying to make the decision of whether to put Meredith in the trial or not and I could only imagine the panic that went through him when he heard her mention George. Finally he made the decision to put her in the trial. Her reason for putting her as her POA was because Richard tends to be calm in most situations but she underestimated how important she is to everyone in the hospital they were all literally only interested in her during the briefing, and seeing him in her room all the time was adorable she was alone yet not alone at the same time because he was always in the room watching over her. He is the father that Meredith never had.

__________________________________________Bailey

(Her plot is apparently coming next week)

She really didn't do much other than educate Owen, worry over Meredith and express her concern about her parent's recent move to an assisted living facility.

Seeing her and George together again warmed my heart and seeing her on the beach with Meredith was a surprise as well especially because the few conversations they had in season 16 were the most I'd seen them talk about things that didn't involve work, but they've been together from the beginning along with Richard and been with her through it all, they're all a family and even though her and Meredith have their ups and down they have a similar relationship to Amelia and Meredith they fight sometimes but when push comes to shove they are there for each other.

___________________________________________

Teddy

(A moment of silence for season 5 through 7 Teddy. May she rest in peace.)

Her plot wasn't so much as about her as it was about Meredith but I understand her concern about Meredith dying under her watch. The whole hospital was basically looking over her shoulder with pitchforks for incase she screwed up. It's a lot of pressure when Meredith Grey is your patient, and after the whole her being heard cheating on Owen with Tom by the whole OR the eyes were probably sharper than ever.

But then onto the worst part, her going to visit Tom. Now I know he said he was going to move on for his own sake, but out of all the times they broke up or separated he has never actually ignored her he would have answered even if it was to say go away and even so he has Covid and wasn't answering the door, why didn't she try to open the door or call 911 that's concerning. She could have even threatened to call the ambulance first just to make sure he wasn't really ignoring her. That would have gotten a response from him for sure. But I just can't fathom how she just left after getting no answer from him.

___________________________________________

Maggie

(Get it hun.)

Her and Winston are so cute and they haven't even met in person yet. Seeing the way how they handled the whole dinner with his father was a nice moment. The dinner was super awkward and he managed to make me hate his dad in one scene. This one seems to be the real deal for Maggie she isn't freaking out at the pace like she usually does and took the invitation to family dinner quite well. I'm glad to see she's no longer a cheerleader but now has a life of her own and probably soon maybe even a plot.

___________________________________________

Tom Koracick

(Take Owen instead.)

NOOOOOO not Tom, we haven't gotten to see his character development yet. And why has he been through as much as someone who has been on the show since season 6 give the dude a break man. The whole time I knew he was going to get worst being asymptomatic doesn't necessarily mean that you won't get them later plus the fact that they sent him home alone was enough to know that something was going to go bad.

First thing first the rest of the doctors are sickening the way they treat him, can he come on strong and be a douche yes but I remember Bailey telling George at one point when he was making fun of Karev that they still had to be on his side even if they didn't like him. They are not on Koracick's side they just sent him home to rot and now it may very well cost him his life. I know Meredith is the sun but they could have at least kept Tom in the hospital to just to monitor him or if that wasn't able to happen they could have kept better tabs on him to make sure he was ok.

Am I the only one who's seeing Helm as his intern later in the future? They clearly have the same taste in video games and they would get along better when he becomes more open to people. Plus idk Helm just reminds me of someone in Nuero or even cardio, she has that tough attitude and strong drive like Cristina and Stephanie etc.

I don't think he's going to die though or at least I hope he's not going to die. Bailey's mother is there for a reason I more see her as the one to die.

___________________________________________

Meredith

Last but certainly not least is Meredith am I the only one who suspected that George was next Ellen Pompeo and T.R Knight have a good relationship off set. If anyone was coming back it was going to be George. I can't see Eric Dane coming back. Chyler is filming Supergirl in Vancouver I think and the others are still alive which makes it more unlikely for them to show up on the beach unless if they heard about Meredith being sick and came back to help or something.

Either way I was ecstatic when I saw George, as I said at some point before he was one of those characters that I didn't like before but the more I watched the show the more I appreciated him until he became one of my favorite characters on the show. He's every bit as 'Georgelike' as I remember him. The only thing was I was a little peeved at the fact that she got to be close to George and talk about her kids with him and not Derek but as I realised later apparently Derek is death and when she reaches him it means she choose to live. Which I'm ok with I guess it was good just seeing them again, and it was even better when we got to see the 4 OG's sitting together again even if it was just in a dream.

She has to pick her kids, they need her and so does GreySloan, she needs to live.

I'm hoping she recovers soon, as much as I would like to see even more visitors at the beach. Has Meredith not been through enough? Although this is as peaceful as I've seen her to be completely honest.

___________________________________________

Next week is looking extremely dramatic already.

Meredith seems to be getting better although who knows how long that will last.

Koracick is worst like I said before I don't think he will actually die but something extremely dramatic is going to happen besides him being near death it might be another peice to the Teddy, Owen and Tom love triangle seeing that they're both working on him.

And the last part I saw was Bailey's mom I knew her talking about her parents all of the sudden meant that something was going to happen to one or both of them. Unfortunately I think she might be the one to die Grey's has a habit of bringing in secondary characters when too many primary characters are at risk. Plus it'll give Bailey her plot which I'm lowkey ok with because Chandra Wilson's Emotional scenes are always on point.

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daydreamsofh · 4 years

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Dreaming of You

A/N: Hi, hello friends!! Here is Dreaming of You, this is a slight continuation/part two to my piece from the Pick Your Poison Fic challenge last month! You don’t have to have read Dreamy to understand what’s going on in this piece, but if you wanna, you are more than welcome to do so, here. :) I hope you enjoy the continued yearning and please feel free to let me know what you think! xx

Also a special thanks to my girl @harryinsweatersandbandanas for listening to me ramble about this for weeks now, love you <3

The past month of your life has felt like nothing short of a dream. A dream filled with you confessing your undying love to your best friend, and him very, very surprisingly declaring it back to you. You literally could not make it up if you tried.

The two of you had only spent a small amount of time together since your life altering, relationship altering monologue. Now it really was like an episode of Grey’s Anatomy. What the hell was going to happen next?!

Harry had spent the night at your place that night, the two of you spending the entire afternoon into the evening reading through his letters to you and giggling and sharing kisses and making him explain each and every letter and what he was feeling when he wrote it. You traced his handwriting on each letter, smiling like a mad woman when you realized he had already told you he loved you over and over again, in different cities and countries all over the world. How many times had you both said I Love You at the same time, out loud, but not to each other? Wrapped up and tucked against his side, Harry pressed kisses into your hair and softly looked down at you, smiring and chest puffing over the fact that your cheeks had been burning red since he first slid the pile of notes across the island to you.

Nothing had happened that night further than gentle kisses and cuddling. Mainly because you were still in utter disbelief that he felt the same way, and that he was here curled up in your living room giving you kiss after kiss and also because you weren’t completely convinced he was real and holding you. What kind of over the top, non stop yearning daydream was this?

It was kind of unbelievable the way things had turned out. Okay not kind of, more like incredibly unbelievable that things had turned out so, so beautifully. You woke up asleep on Harry’s chest on your couch the next morning and you had to quietly slip from on top of him because you were afraid you were going to start crying from the vision of this man in front of you. Happy tears this time though.

But that’s all that had really happened, that one night together and he was off the next morning to finalize tour details. He had left you with a stream of kisses on your doorstep, and a promise to see you soon.

The one thing you didn’t account for when you delivered your inner monologue to Harry was the timing of it all. Shortly after the listening party and the week you spent hiding from him, he was supposed to start a brand new tour. But that dream was cut short and he was forced to reschedule the european leg, and self isolation had officially started. You knew Harry was upset and disappointed that things had to be rescheduled. He knew there was nothing he could do, it was out of his hands, but that didn’t stop him from feeling badly. After he told you about the tour being rescheduled, you were right there with him, well not literally right there with him but he had called you the moment they had made the decision.

It was easy to tell how disappointed he was by the tone of his voice, and it made your heart ache hearing him beat himself up about it. His usual honeyed slowed rasp was even more drowned out and you had only managed to get a small snicker out of him by the end of the phone call. You told him that you loved him, and that you were proud of him for always seeing the bigger picture, no matter how hard it was sometimes.

You were granted access to work from home, so you knew where you would be, but you had no idea where Harry would be for the length of this self isolation period the entire world seemed to be in. You almost didn’t want to ask because you didn't want to seem like you were the overly attached new girlfriend that wanted to spend every possible second with him. Sure you both said I love you but you still were trying to play it sort of cool, as much as you could. Have you seen him? Playing it cool was next to impossible.

But one night, about three days into quarantining by yourself there was a knock at your door.

You opened the door to your apartment to find a curly headed (and you hated yourself for how mushy this man makes you AND how mushy it sounds) angel face of a man staring back at you.

You squealed, actually squealed when his eyes met yours and he never got tired of seeing how excited you got from seeing him. He positively scrambled to hug you as soon as you swung the door open and you laughed and steadied the two of you by putting your hands on his shoulders as the two of you stood in your doorway and softly hummed as you swayed together.

Once he finally let go so you could breathe he asked you, “Hi angel, are you busy?” He raised an eyebrow at you and laughed once you rolled your eyes.

“You are not a funny man you wanker.” You giggled, very loudly and your cheeks started to blush when you saw his eyes crinkle at your quip and you mumbled a very shy, “I missed you” into his neck.

He grabbed your hand and laced your fingers together before bringing your hand up to his lips to kiss. “I missed you too, love. M’sorry I haven’t been around lately or called. Head’s been in a bit of a mess after postponing everythin’. M’sorry. You deserve better than tha’ from me.”

His eyes were so soft and he looked like a little boy peering down at you and you could tell he genuinely felt bad for not being around, even though you didn’t expect him to be after the past few weeks he had. You knew he would come back to you when he was ready, he always did.

“I know. It’s okay, H. It’s a lot to digest. I’m sorry.” You smiled softly reached out to touch his cheek and his eyes shut at the reassuring contact. He melted into your touch and your fingers started to twitch against his cheek. How was it that even though you told him you loved him and he repeated the words back to you, that you were still this nervous? Butterflies were fluttering around in your stomach and the longer you looked at him the giddier you got. You couldn’t believe that you were the one that got to reach out and touch his face and feel his lips against your own, it was all still so surreal. And special. And the thought of all of the new possibilities that were floating around in the air between the two of you was enough to make you feel like you were walking on air. What is it about the beginnings of a new relationship or even a new friendship that fill you with so much joy you literally have no choice but to laugh so some of the joy could be released into the air for you to feel? Whatever it was, you knew that you and Harry had an untapped amount of it left to discover. God you loved him.

After a minute of you daydreaming about the new possibilities of your relationship, Harry said your name to get your attention.

“Alrigh’ there?” He laughed at you and chucked under your chin with his thumb. “Let me have a kiss, angel, been waitin’ long enough.”

You squealed then too and puckered your lips and kissed him pertly one, two, three, four times. He was positively beaming at you when you broke apart and you asked him, “Better now?” He hummed and your heart dropped into your stomach (in a good way) and your throat became thick when he said “Never gonna get tired of getting to do tha’.”

Harry cleared his throat and said “I wanted to see you obviously but I also had a proposition f’you.” He raised an eyebrow at you and your stomach swirled at the possibilities of said proposition.

“Go on,” You raised your brow back at him and goaded him into continuing.

“Well, yeh working from home for the foreseeable future, right?” Your eyes went wide and you slowly nodded your head yes. “Well… y’know that the tour got postponed and that i’m staying home for a while, and I was wonderin’ if you would like to come quarantine at my house w’me?”

Your mouth fell open and before you could say anything Harry started again.

“Know it's not supposed to be a romantic thing or summat and that the situation is serious but-” He was starting to ramble nervously and you saw the skin of his neck turn pink. “I thought you might like someone to keep yeh company, and I just really wanna spend some time w’you. Haven't gotten to properly have a date or even hold yeh since our big love fest.”

“Our love fest?” You sputtered out a laugh and he started snickering.

“Y’know what I mean. Maybe we can have a real love fest later.” He smirked at you and you felt your knees buckle.

Breath positively knocked out of your lungs, you managed to squeak out, “No I suppose we haven’t gotten to do that yet. Good things come to those who wait, H.”

That had his nostrils flaring and he suddenly had a tickle in his throat. When he didn’t speak you took the opportunity to ask him, “Are you sure? I don’t want to impose or step on your toes. Plus who knows how long we could be in self isolation, and I don’t want you to hate me by the end of it.”

You laughed and you knew you were mostly joking, but there was also this fear that you had that if the two of you really spent some time together, he would somehow change his mind. That if he really saw you, day in and day out he would see something he didn't like. Unlikely though considering he had practically written you an entire book of love letters. Those insecurities that you had always had were still there at the surface, always afraid that something would happen and Harry would slip through your fingers like water. You almost had him so many times over the years and even though it seemed like you were both in this together now you still hadn’t had that conversation yet. Sure you were in love but what does that really mean?

There were so many things you and Harry had left to talk about and you had so many things to discover with one another. But the more you thought about it this might be THE perfect time to get to know each other on this new level. Day in and day out together to learn what it’s truly like to be loved by him. And plus all of the fun and exciting and sexy steps that the two of you had to take together. Andhaving Harry all to yourself for the foreseeable future was enough to make you scream with excitement.

As you stood there mulling all of this over in your head Harry stood there patiently waiting for your response. He knew you well enough to know that you were running a possible million scenarios through your mind. He reached for your hand to lace your fingers together.

“Love, please don’t say things like that. Y’know there is nothing you could ever do to make me not want to spend time with you, do you remember me saying I was in love with you? The handful of love letters that have your name all over them? Been watchin’ too much TV and forgot?”

Your cheeks warmed and you were suddenly fidgeting again, everytime you were reminded that he loved you too it knocked the wind out of you. “C’mon love. Come stay with me. I don’t wanna go home w’out you. Come stay with me.”

You stood there melting under his stare and when you looked up at him from your fixture on your wood floor you smiled and bit your lip before nodding. Like hell if you’d leave now, you had waited long enough.

“Okay, okay. If I must keep you company in that ridiculously massive house of yours. I’d love to H.” You giggled to hide your squeal over the fact that you would be alone, ALONE with him for the next few weeks.

Suddenly Harry was in your apartment and picking you up and spinning you around. “Y’will? You’ll really come home w’me?” His lips were trembling and his smile took over his entire face as he held you tightly against him. Looking him up and down and smiling you fidgeted with the hem of his shirt and brought your eyes back to his, “Yes, yes i'll come home with you, H. It’ll be nice to have you to myself for a while.”

You were cut off from him lunging forward and kissing you so hard it hurt just a little bit and you melted into it. In just a matter of seconds he had you so pliant, puddy in his hands. As if you'd ever say no to spending the next few weeks wrapped up in him. Literally and figuratively. If the next few weeks consisted of kisses like this and his hands on you at all times, you were more than game for it.

“Y’have no idea how nice it’ll be, love”

That sentiment, actually more like a promise he was set to deliver on made your stomach drop in the most delicious way.

Breaking apart from his lips finally you were out of breath, and shakingly told him “Come in and wait for me so I can get my stuff.” Another kiss, “I won’t be long.”

Leaving Harry sitting in your living room waiting for you to get your stuff together, you texted Sam to let him know where you were going to be for the next few weeks. Sam was one of the first people you called after your and Harry’s “love fest”, and he was so excited he had to come over and scream about it with you in person. He had been texting you everyday waiting to see if anything else had happened yet. You knew telling him you were going to stay with Harry would make him almost excited as it made you. Pulling out your phone you typed out:

“Gonna be staying at Harry’s the next few weeks. Tour was postponed as you know and I’m so excited to spend time with him. Just wanted to let you know. xx”

Your phone dinged almost immediately with a response, you knew Sam was as bored as you were, on his phone even more than normal.

Sam: “OOOOOOH SHIT!!!!!!! That’s incredible babe! Hope you’re packing some lingerie because things are definitely going to happen, babe!”

Oh shit. Shit shit shit shit shit!! The possibility of sex hadn’t even crossed your mind, well, today it hadn’t crossed your mind. Obviously sex with Harry has crossed your mind over the years of your friendship. Have you seen him? No, seriously, have you seen him?! It’s infuriating that he looks like that. And it’s not like you didn’t know he was well endowed, years of friendship and accidentally and sometimes not accidentally (on harry’s part) you had seen him naked and willed your eyes away to not look at it, even though it was next to impossible. The thought of having the real thing and so so so much more was exhilarating, terrifying, and made your stomach clench and your cheeks heat up. As exciting as the opportunity of being with Harry in that way was, it made your insecurities spill out all over again. How many women had he been with? You don’t mean it like it sounds, you know he has had very serious relationships with people and that he was no stranger to intimacy, but still. How would you measure up to the women he had been with? Why did Sam have to say that? You knew he meant well but you were also incredibly nervous all of the sudden. Harry had been your best friend that you were in love with for years now, and the two of you had told the other you were in love with each other, this was still all new territory. Territory you had dreamt of for years of getting into with him. This was a big deal.

Trying to push Sam’s text out of your mind, you focused on what exactly to bring to Harry’s house. Lounge clothes a plenty, some stray pajama shorts, (knowing you would more than likely sleep in one of his shirts every night) plenty of cute (and sexy) underwear just in case Sam was right. You even packed a few fancier outfit options, just in case you and Harry decided to have an impromptu date night at home. Toiletries packed, laptop and your necessary chargers gathered together, you stopped what you were doing to look at yourself in the mirror. You have been waiting for this moment for a long time. He was your dream, in more ways than one, and he was here. He was here with you physically, emotionally, and the weight of that kind of hit you in a way that made you tear up. Quickly shaking those tears off you laughed and ran your fingers through your hair.

At the same time you were zipping up your bags, you heard Harry’s footsteps carrying himself into your bedroom. He snaked his warm, strong arms around your waist and nuzzled his face into your neck.

“Almost done?” He started to pepper kisses down your neck and you felt like you were lightheaded all of the sudden.

Turning around in his arms you rested your forehead against his.

“Yeah, I’m done. Let’s go home, H.”

You didn’t miss the way his ears perked up and the smile that overtook his face once you called his house home.

“K, darlin. Let me get your bags for yeh,” He kissed your forehead and lingered for a moment before he grabbed your bags and headed back in the main part of your apartment.

Making sure everything was locked and out away the two of you made the way out of your place. Harry reached for your hand and led you to his car, helping you in first and putting your bags in the trunk. You watched him from the rear view mirror and noticed him smiling from ear to ear and shaking his head. You started beaming before he got into the car and once he shut his door he slid in his seat and looked at you like you hung the moon. He let out a dreamy sigh before reaching over and chucking his fingers under your chin to bring you into the sweetest kiss. His lips softly sucked your bottom lip before slanted his mouth over yours again. You were in the car for only a few minutes and you again, you were already so pliant and cushiony for him. He hummed into it and you did the same, like a couple of lovesick teenagers alone for the first time.

His fingers traced over your cheek and he beamed at you through swollen lips. Your gaze flittered all over his face and you bit your lip before giggling softly at him.

Harry looked like he was making no move to actually start the car and leave. He just sat there gazing at you with his dimple denting his cheek. When he just kept staring at you dreamily you laughed and kept one hand cradling his face and the other resting on his thigh.

“C’mon H let’s go, can’t hold me or take off my pants if we sit here all night,”

His gaze zeroed in on you and when you laughed to break the tension Harry cleared his throat and dropped his gaze to your mouth. You ran your hand through his curls and he leaned into your touch and his eyes almost shut. You leaned in and kissed him again, pulling his bottom lip back with you. He leaned forward when you finally pulled back and you were grinning nervously at him.

Laughing you repeated to him, “C’mon Harry let’s go, take me home.”

Harry groaned when he backed up out of your space, already craving your warm, flowery and comforting scent to invade his senses again. You were so soft and pliant in front of him already, looking at him so doe eyed and innocent, he couldn't wait to get you home alone, just the two of you, with the door dead bolted.

“Okay okay m’going, let’s go home love,” He looked over and smiled at you, and finally started the car and put it in drive.

Harry kept his eyes on you the whole drive to his house, it wasn’t very far from your apartment but also far away enough to make you feel like you were secluded from the rest of the world. He held your hand the whole way home, tightly grasped within his and he peppered kisses into your skin repeatedly. You admired the way his jaw moved as he drove, the way his curls framed his face so perfectly. You ran your free hand through his hair and he groaned once you started scratching his scalp. You softly talked to each other the whole way to his house, and as you pulled into his driveway you suddenly got so nervous. The two of you being at his house together, alone was nothing new, but the two of you being together at his house alone after you had decided to become a couple, was brand freaking new, and the nerves of that hit you as soon as you pulled into the drive.

As soon as he put the car in park, he ran over to your side to open the door for you, something he did while the two of you were just friends. He very theatrically opened your door and reached for your hand to practically pull you out of the car. Once the two of you were inside the house and he unloaded all of your bags he reached for your waist to pull you into him.

You laughed and fell into his frame and his hands cradled your face, and he smiled before slanting his lips over yours. Some of your nervous energy melted away, and when you sighed into it he took the opportunity to slip his tongue past your lips and into your mouth. This kiss wasn’t as sweet and innocent like all the other ones you two have shared, this kiss had a purpose. He wanted to kiss, and to be kissed back. He slowly backed you into his kitchen from the doorway until you were resting against the bar of his breakfast nook. His hands shifted from your face and slid down your back and once you felt them near your butt you squealed and broke the kiss.

Harry’s eyes flew open and you started laughing, uncontrollably so and you buried your face in his chest. When you groaned he laughed and started carding his hand through your hair, rubbing small circles over the expanse of your back.

“Erm, something wrong, love?” He snickered through his confusion and kissed your forehead in hopes to coax you off of his chest and look him in the eyes.

You lifted your face from his chest and your face was red hot, cheeks burning and you finally willed yourself to stop giggling. “No-no no nothing’s wrong it’s just,” you looked up at him softly panting, his swollen lips red and bitten from your own doing. His eyes softened when you stuttered and you groaned again. “It’s just um, you just, you, uh-” you groaned again and buried your face back into his shoulder. When he looked at you again, his gaze was even more confused than before. He nudged his forehead against yours and goaded you into telling him what was wrong.

“You just, it’s just you just you just touched my ass,” you covered your face with your hands and started giggling nervously again. Harry let out a small laugh and you could only imagine the confused smirk he was wearing.

This was Harry, your best friend turned rockstar crush that you pined over for years, finally turned boyfriend. This was all brand new, undiscovered territory. You were flustered and overwhelmed to say the least. You wanted everything with Harry, obviously but this was your best friend feeling you up, the man you have fantasized about and pined over for literal years had his hands on you, that fact just seemed so unbelievable it literally had you in disbelief. Hence the freaking out and nervous uncontrollable laughter. You suddenly felt like you had never been in front of a member of the opposite sex before and the thought of having THIS man’s hands on your hips? You were surprised you weren’t passed out on the floor beneath him. Any sort of physical touch from Harry when the two of you were friends had you about to fall over, and the fact that you could now touch him and hold him and kiss his glorious skin had you shuddering in disbelief. You were incredibly embarrassed by your outburst, hiding your face in his chest and panting.

“Is tha’ not okay?” His eyes flitted around your face, afraid he had gone too far already.

You heard him scoff and you were terrified he had gotten the wrong impression entirely. You lifted your head from it’s resting place on his chest and kissed up his neck to his cheek and blurted, “No no no it’s not funny H I swear it’s just-” he raised his brows at you in question. “It’s not funny, it's just this is all new, brand new actually and it’s just- I just, it’s new, that’s all.” You smiled at him with your bottom lip in between your teeth after you were done rambling. Understanding lit in his eyes, and he laughed with you this time.

He pecked your lips again and ran his hands over your hips and up your back, and he leaned his forehead against yours. You lifted your gaze to meet his and you let your head fall back against your neck, and he groaned at the sight of your hair elongating your neck.

When he finally spoke his voice was raspy and he softly murmured to you, “S’pose it is all new, huh? Guess we should talk about some things first, if tha’s what you want.”

You bit your lip again and with wide eyes you slowly nodded yes and slid your arms around his shoulders, carding your fingers through his hair, softly scratching his scalp. He was melting under your touch and his eyes fluttered shut before he groaned again. When you softly giggled he opened his eyes and whined. “Christ, gotta stop looking at me like tha,’” you giggled again and scratched his lower back. He buried his face into your neck and growled playfully into your skin.

“C’mon love, s’go get your stuff squared away an’ then we can have a talk,”

Your stuff was squared away and you were giddy at the thought of your clothes mixed in with his in his chest of drawers and your toothbrush next to his. You normally stayed in his guest room when you were just friends, and most of the time Harry ended up in bed cuddled beside you when you woke up in the morning. The thought of getting to sleep in his bed, with him, under the same roof made your chest ache and butterflies swarm in your stomach. You knew he would tease you if he heard you say it but you had always loved his bedroom. It was calm and serene, muted in color but not dark, old vintage posters on one of the walls and dark curtains covering the windows that led out to his balcony. You hated how teary eyed you were when you put the last of your stuff away, and Harry pretended not to notice, instead he was just waiting for you in the doorway, silenting watching. When you turned around to face him he reached his hand out for you, smirking at you. You took his hand and rolled your eyes and let him pull you into him.

“Shut up,” you scoffed as you tried to walk past him before he grabbed you.

“M’not sayin’ anything love,”

“Yeah, yeah whatever,”

He snickered into your neck and you didn’t need to see his face to know his dimples were popping. His arms tightened around you and you sighed at how easy it was to fall into him.

“Wanker.”

You followed behind him walking downstairs back into the living room, and he waited for you at the bottom of the stairs.

“Go have a seat love, I’ll put the kettle on an’ be there in a second,” He sent you a shy smile and his eyes were doing the sparkly eye thing that they so often do when he looks at you. You nodded your head and watched him disappear into the kitchen.

You plopped down onto the l-shaped couch in the living room, curling up on one side of it and plopping a pillow onto your lap. Sitting there in the same living room that had previously been the sight of your massive meltdown only a few weeks prior, you couldn't help but remember how heartbroken and alone you felt on that night. How badly you wanted Harry, how angry and pissed off you were at him, but mainly how much all that you wanted was to be with him. Now only a few weeks later, the two of you were a unit, an item, in love. Again, what kind of yearning covered day dream was this? You looked down at the couch you were perched on, running your fingertips over the fabric you giggled at the memory of you weeping like a mad woman and causing a scene. The things you have to do to get his attention, right?! Kidding, but seriously.

You turned your head towards the kitchen to get a glimpse of him, that curly headed, lanky legged, dreamboat of a man making you tea, you couldn’t help but tear up a little bit. How long had you waited for this? How long had you dreamed of having moments like this with him? How long had you waited to share a bed with him, to see your clothes hung up in his closet, to see your toothbrush next to his, to be able to feel his fingertips against your own, his lips against yours? You wanted to take in every moment, every minute detail of being here with him. You wanted to save every memory and so you could replay them over and over again when he was gone and away from you when he was on the road again. He makes people feel everything so deeply, and you were not immune to that. In fact you were the least immune person to that.

After what felt like an eternity of tea making Harry pottered his way into the den, your favorite mug of his that was designated for your use when you were at his house in one hand, and a mug with a gold H in his other hand. “Alrighty then angel, here we are,” He was beaming at you as he sat the mugs down on the coffee table. You shifted your pose and nervously smiled up at him. Suddenly there were no words left in your brain. Damn him and the sparkly eye thing.

He plopped down on the couch on the opposite side of you, and patted the spot next to him.

“C’mere love, want you closer if we’re gonna talk,”

When you scooted closer to him he patted his lap. “Mm gonna need you a bit closer love,” He winked at you and you giggled softly before crawling on his lap. Now eye level with him you put your arm around his shoulders and ran your hand through his hair. Your gaze flitted around his face before you looked in his eyes and smiled, beamed at him.

“Hi mister,” you nervously giggled and you felt your stomach start to do backflips again.

He laughed softly, tucked a strand of hair behind your ear and he sighed when your eyes fluttered at the small gesture.

“Hi sweets,” He ran his fingers over your back before he rested his hands on your hips.

When you didn’t say anything in response he laughed again and you sighed, tears welling up in your eyes and you leaned forward to kiss him. His lips were soft but firm against yours, and you loved that every kiss of his had a purpose. This was the slow, sipping one, meant to calm you down and lull you back to him. You were entranced by his lips and the two of you looked like a couple of teenagers necking on the couch of their empty parents house. You had to physically break the kiss by gripping his shoulders and pulling away. The both of you were panting and his lips were red and swollen from your biting and nibbling and he looked so besotted with you. He let out a whine and tried to catch your lips back and you laughed trying to get your breathing back to normal.

“We’re supposed to be talking but this face of yours is so distracting,” you whined and let your head fall onto his shoulder.

“Tha’ the only thing that’s distractin’ love?” you could hear the smirk in his voice and when you lifted your head off his shoulder his lips met your neck and he peppered kisses up your neck, his slight stubble pulling and tugging against your sensitive skin as he made his way up.

“H, we need to- we need to oh,” your voice was caught in a throat and you let out the softest breathy moan and he pulled you closer in response. HIs arms squeezed around you even tighter and your hands fisted in the neck of his jumper and his lips found yours again.

This kiss, oh this kiss was brand new. It was hard and unrelenting and then it slowed and the two of you moved poetically against each other. The two of you had always been in sync, able to anticipate the other’s move before they even make it, and now there was no difference. The two of couldn't possibly be closer and when you pulled back and brought his bottom lip with you he let out a growl that had your stomach flipping. When his hands gripped your hips tighter to bring you back to him you giggled and kissed the corner of his mouth and across his jaw.

“Love if we’re gonna talk yeh gotta quit doing tha’,” he groaned again and you couldn't help but feel an enormous sense of pride knowing that you were the one who made him feel so good he was practically growling at you.

You bit your lip and smiled at him, but when he was staring back at you, soft eyes blinking at you and that same reassuring smile he seemingly always had when he was looking at you, your smile dropped and you were suddenly so nervous all over again. You wanted to talk and get some things out in the open before you went too far too fast, this wasn’t just some guy, this was Harry. Your favorite person in the whole world, your quite literal dream man and even though you knew that you know him, like you really know him but at the same time he was Harry freaking Styles and he looks like that and you could feel him getting rock hard beneath you and you were suddenly terrified that this would happen and it would all be over. Again, not likely, (hello stack of love letters the size of your head) but the fear was still there, staring you back in the face. You were all in your head and getting teary eyed AGAIN and when your breath hitched Harry’s eyes softened again and he shifted underneath you. When your eyes were even more glossed over and tears were threatening to spill out of the corners of your eyes he felt you start to shake and pulled you closer.

“Oh love, you’re alrigh’ it’s okay, tell me what’s goin’ on in that head of yours?” he rubbed his hands up and down your arms and you lifted your head from your hands to look at him through bleary eyes. “Look at me please, love let me see those eyes o’ yours,”

When you finally wiped your eyes and took a deep breath you sighed and simply stated, “I’m scared,”

“Of wha’? Of me?”

“No- no not of you H, but a little I guess of just everything,” he was still holding you, his hands still rubbing soothing circles over your arms.

He fought for you to keep his gaze on him and he let out a breath he didn’t know he was holding. “Love, we don’t have to do anythin’ you don’t want to, m’mot gonna force yeh, yeh know that.”

“I know that, I do H but this is just- it’s a big deal. You and me, here together. I love you and it just has felt like I’ve been dreaming the past few weeks. I can’t believe that you’re here and you’re in front of me and I get to hold you and kiss you and I finally have you, and I just want to know that you’re here with me, that you’re in this for real. I’m afraid that this is all going to disappear in the morning. I want you, more than words can say, and I can’t be without you now, now that I know what it’s like to have you.” You had managed to even your breathing out and your voice had actually gotten stronger the longer you talked. You were pretty good at delivering these inner monologues by now, you thought. Harry just sat there, once again, annoyingly unreadable and calm, just like he was that night in your kitchen just a few weeks ago.

When you saw the corner of his mouth start to raise and he started laughing softly you gave him a very confused glare and he settled his laughter and pulled you to him to kiss your forehead. When he finally spoke up his voice was soft, but calm all the same.

“You are the cutest thing I have ever seen right now, angel,”

When you scoffed and moved to get off of his lap his arms held you tight and he pressed you to him once more.

“M’not laughing at you I promise. It’s just funny to me tha’ you think I don’t feel the exact same way about you. I don’t even know how m’hiding the fact that my hands are shakin’ right now. This is just as big a deal as it is to you, to me, love. I promise you that. I never thought I’d be able to hold you like this, or have the chance to make you feel as good as you make me feel, without even touchin’ me. I’d be okay just to look at you from across the same room. This is not a one night thing for me, love. Never will be. I could never walk away from you now that I know what its like to kiss yeh and feel your hand on top of mine. Not when yeh look at me the way that you do. Now that I know what it’s like to be loved by yeh. Really loved by yeh.”

Harry was smiling so softly at you and he had his tilted trying to see if you were still in there and hadn’t gone unconscious from him again confirming that yes, he did love you too.

When you still didn’t say anything he started again. “I love you, angel. I’ll say it however many times y’want me to and in as many languages as yeh want. It’s you and me, yeah?”

Your response was leaning forward and kissing him, hard and you both melted into it.

The next few hours consisted of breathy moans and I love you’s mixed in between harsh breaths and his hands on your hips and your mouth and just about everywhere else. Over and over again he made sparks shoot up your spine and your toes curl and your heart ache over how attentive and gentle, but rough and passionate he was to your body. When you finally separated both of your voices were spent and he pulled you into him and more I Love You’s were exchanged mixed with happy, overwhelming tears and shakes of his head in disbelief.

The next morning as you sat in his kitchen donned in his one of his t-shirts and you watched him whistle why he busied around the kitchen making you breakfast. You sat there, teary eyed, sleep lines still on your face you had never felt more lucky than you did right in that particular moment Harry was singing his own rendition of “You Make My Dreams Come True”, and as cheesy as it sounds, he had no idea how true that was. He made you a cup of coffee and was sliding by every few minutes to steal a strawberry flavored kiss because he just couldn’t help it. Your rare moment of bravery and complete and accidental inner monologue delivery you had spewed out just a few weeks ago, got you here. With this man. You decided to jot something down in your memory.

Reminder: Sometimes you have to just say how you feel. No matter how scared you are, no matter how genuinely terrified you are of the repercussions, you just have to say it. Say it again and again until they hear you. Being vulnerable is scary, I won’t lie to you, but it is also one of the best parts about being alive. We have the ability to make people laugh, and smile, and we have the ability to make them feel our love. That is not a small feat. It is a privilege. Let the people you love, know that you love them. The rest of it doesn’t matter.

#our dreamy babies #GOING AWAY NOW AJKSDKDHUSI

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jobrookekarev · 3 years

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Baby’s and Mom’s First Day

Chapter: 1/1

Words: 3897

Summary: It’s Jo and Alex’s first day back from maternity leave at Grey Sloan, but Jo has a hard time leaving Helena in the daycare.

Fandom: Grey’s Anatomy.

Relationship: Alex Karev/Jo Wilson.

Characters: Alex Karev, Jo Wilson Karev, Helena Karev.

Rating: General Audiences.

Additional Tags: Fluff, Light Angst, Comfort, Daycare, Fluff and Angst, Separation Anxiety, Jo’s Abandonment Issues.

Read at AO3

Read at FFN

AN: I wrote this one day after being in the nursery to help out. I got to spend time with a baby girl who spent her first day there. I know her two older siblings, and I know the family and was excited to meet her, but she was not happy to be there. Luckily, she didn't scream the entire time, but she did pretty much fussed for the first half-hour. Then I got her distracted with a musical toy enough so that she calmed down and chewed on a car for the rest of the time. Luckily for her, fussy and crying babies don't freak me out at all, but the separation anxiety is still hard because I know they don't trust me yet. I just started thinking about how Jo would have a hard time if it were her kid, due to her abandonment with her birth mom, but that Alex would be there and would help her through it and so this idea popped into my head, and I just had to write it.

……………………………………………………………………

It was Alex and Jo's first day back at work after four wonderful months of leave with their new baby, Helena. Things were finally getting back to normal as the Pandemic had officially ended, and regular surgery schedules were resuming at the hospital. It was Alex’s first day being away from his girls for more than an hour and he missed them a lot. So the first chance he got to take a lunch break, he went straight down to the daycare center. His intention was to pick up Helena and pop up over to the OB floor and grab Jo for lunch.

However, when he got to the daycare, the lead teacher, Sonia, informed him that Jo had come in with Helena and stayed with her for an hour. They had planned for Jo to get her used to the daycare and to Sonia and then leave. However, Sonia said that the first time Helena had cried, Jo had swooped in and taken her back. Alex sighed and thanked Sonia before he headed back up to the fourth floor.

He knew that this would be hard for Jo, especially with her abandonment issues and separation anxiety stressing the situation. At first, she didn’t let anyone other than him hold Helena, not even Meredith or Link. They had been working through things in therapy together and it had gotten better over the past few months. Jo had gotten more comfortable with other people holding Helena, but if she cried, it was all over, and Jo needed to have her back. Alex knew that Jo's anxieties about leaving her at daycare would be an ongoing thing, but they had talked that morning, and Jo had said she was ready.

Despite this, Alex still smiled when he saw them on the OB floor together. Jo had Helena wrapped in the moby and was talking with the nurses. He knew she and Carina had a surgery planned for later this afternoon. It was a laparotomy for an endometriosis case she had that would take less than an hour. With Jo busy in surgery, it would be a great opportunity for him to put Helena in the daycare as Jo would be focused on something other than her separation anxiety.

Helena squealed and waved her hands, smiling as she caught sight of Alex. All the nurses smiled at him as they left, and Jo turned and smiled as well, grabbing Helena's hands. “Look, it's Daddy.”

“There are my girls,” Alex said as he leaned in, kissing Helena’s head before greeting Jo with a quick kiss to her lips. “So, no daycare today?”

“No, I thought it'd be better for her to join me on my rounds, and she has charmed all of the nurses so far, isn't that right, baby girl?” Jo said, smiling down at her as Helena reached out with her chubby fingers to grab Jo's chin.

“Jo,” Alex sighed before she cut him off.

“We’re just not ready, okay,” Jo insisted, raising her voice as she folded her arms protectively over Helena. “She cried ceaselessly after I left and I just can't let her cry. I know that it’s good for her to be with other caregivers and to be around other kids, but I’m just not ready to be away from her for a whole day.”

“I was going to say that if you think Helena’s not ready and you need more time off, then maybe we should go home?” Alex said, wrapping his arms around her waist and leading them down the hall to a more private setting.

Jo bit her lip and looked away from Helena and him. As much as she loved her baby and loved being with her, Jo also missed working, and he knew it. This surgery had been all she could talk about for the last week.

“I don't want to put her in daycare, but I want to do the surgery this afternoon. I just wish that I could bring her in there with me, as silly as that sounds.”

“It's not silly at all,” Alex said, tilting his head as he rubbed his hand up and down her back. “Why don't you and I get lunch and you can feed her and then I’ll hold her while she naps. Then maybe I will take her to daycare with me and just hang out and see how she does. Then after your surgery, we can trade off for the rest of the day, or if you want to go home, we can go home.”

“What about your patients? I thought you had a surgery today too?” Jo asked as her brows creased together.

“It got pushed to this evening because the parents fed the kid breakfast,” Alex said with a shrug. Despite their clear instructions, this did occasionally happen, and they had pushed the surgery to the evening.

“Okay,” Jo said with a nod, still not entirely on board with the idea, but at least she looked more relaxed.

They got situated in the cafeteria with lunch. Alex took Helena for a minute as she began to fuss and pulled at Jo’s pink scrub top, squealing when she couldn't get it down. Helena whined and cried as she was eager to nurse and was frustrated with him and his inability to feed her. Jo finally took her back and got her latched on her breast, much to Helena’s delight. As she nursed, her fussing turned into happy little eating grunts that Jo always said he made when he was happy. As they ate lunch, several of the nurses and other doctors came over to say hi and coo at Helena. After Alex burped her, Helena's eyes quickly dropped as she fell asleep in his arms.

After lunch, they went up to the surgery floor as Jo met with Carian, and they prepped for their laparotomy. Together they walked to the door of the OR’s scrub room. Jo wiped away Helena’s drool from her chin and adjusted the blanket again before pulling back and just staring at her. Jo bit her lip and swayed back and forward as if she was swaying with Helena and her arms.

“Say it again,” Jo insisted, her eyes glued to Helena.

“I'm going to hold her while she naps so that she wakes up with me there,” Alex said, going over the plan with Jo again as he watched her continue to sway. “Then we're going to go down to the daycare and play with Scout and if she feels comfortable, I’ll leave, but I'll make sure that she's okay before I do. Then I'll meet you back here after your surgery and we will go down and pick her up from daycare together.”

“Okay,” Jo said, but despite her words, Alex knew she was hesitant about it, and to be honest, so was he. However, he wasn’t worried about how Helena would do in daycare, but rather how Jo would be with her separation anxiety.

“Jo,” Alex said, waiting until she looked up to catch his eye to demonstrate a deep breath. She mirrored his breath, slowly coming down. “Raise the arm of the patient.”

“Raise the arm of the patient,” Jo said, kicking off her shoes and planting both of her feet on the ground before she continued the steps aloud. “Count down to the 4th intercostal space. Prep and drape in a sterile fashion. Inject with lidocaine, make an incision above the rib...”

Alex nodded and they went over the procedure together. As Jo talked, she stopped swaying, and Alex could see her take deeper and more steady breaths as she calmed down. When she finished, Jo paused and nodded. Alex smiled and leaned in to kiss her before she put her shoes back on.

Jo gave Helena's head one last kiss before she turned around to face the door. Alex saw her shoulders rise again as she took another deep breath and opened the door. Jo turned around and Alex gave her a reassuring smile and a thumbs-up before the door closed. He waited there watching as Jo scrubbed in as she occasionally glanced back at him. After she finished scrubbing, Alex gave her one final wave before she nodded and walked into the OR. Alex took a deep breath as he realized how nervous he was for her before he took a few steps back, taking another deep breath as he finally walked down the hallway.

Alex took Helena up to the pediatric ward and rounded on a few of his patients, all of whom were intrigued by the baby in Alex's arms. Even the teenagers who always complained about the other screaming babies on the ward were interested to see one that was cute and asleep, but more so to poke fun at Alex for being a dad.

Alex had one of the nurses texting him from the OR and they told him Carina and Jo's laparotomy surgery was running longer than expected. Helena slept for almost an hour before waking up and promptly spitting up all over him. Alex sighed and changed into a new pair of scrubs before taking Helena down to the nursery.

Sonia welcomed him back, but he didn't check Helena in just yet. Instead, he laid her down next to Scout and played with them for a few minutes. Then he tentatively let Sonia take his place and hold Helena in her lap. Helena kept looking back at him every few minutes to double-check that he was there before returning to her play. Eventually, though, she started to check in with Sonia as well, and it was then that Alex knew he could leave.

Alex looked up at the clock, he knew Jo would be out within the next few minutes, and if he was going to do this, he had to do it now. He leaned down and placed a kiss on Helena’s head before quietly leaving the daycare. Then he turned around the corner and froze as he heard Helena start to cry and Sonia gently trying to reassure her. Alex knew that she was taken care of, that Sonia was holding her, rocking her, and comforting her, not just letting her cry it out. Alex told himself that he would just wait for a few minutes to see how she would do.

Ask any parent, and they will tell you that the worst part of leaving your kid was hearing them cry as you left. It broke his heart. Alex was good at remaining calm in the face of a crying baby. If you're going to be a Peds surgeon, then you have to get used to crying babies. At a certain point, you learn to remain calm no matter how hard they cry, but that didn't stop him from rubbing a hole in his scrub pants as he sat on a gurney in the hall. Alex rubbed his hands up and down his legs, desperately trying to resist the urge to go in there and comfort her.

When her cries stopped after the longest minute of his life, he sighed in relief. He tiptoed over to peek through the window to check on her. At first, he didn’t see them, but then he spotted Sonia with Helena in the rocking chair with a book. He watched them for a minute more as they read together until Scout walked over, and Helena smiled as he waved a ring toy in her face.

Alex tiptoed away, content that Helena was okay, and went back to the OR gallery to watch Jo and her surgery. Jo was in her zone as she commanded the OR. As she finished, she even let the intern finish closing, overseen by Carina, of course. Alex rushed down to meet Jo as she exited the OR. Still wearing her blue scrub cap, Jo's smile fell the second she saw that his arms were empty.

“Where is she?” Jo asked, instantly panicking.

“She is in the daycare playing with Scout, but she’s not crying, and she’s been there less than an hour,” Alex reassured her, putting two hands on her shoulders and rubbing up and down her arms.

“She's okay. She’s in the daycare, just like we planned,” Jo said, still swimming with a far-off look in her eyes as she took a few deep breaths.

“Yes, I kept her with me while she napped, and we went and played with Scout for a little while. Then I left her with Sonia, but before I left, she was happily playing with Scout. She was fine, Jo.”

“Okay, this is a good thing,” Jo said, nodding, still trying to convince herself of it.

“It is. It’s good for her socially and developmentally to be around other kids and with other caregivers,” Alex nodded, giving her shoulders a squeeze.

“I still hate it, though,” Jo said, looking like she was going to cry and Alex questioned whether it was the best thing to do.

“Okay, then let’s go pick her up, but before we get her, let’s just look through the window. I want you to see how well she’s doing,” Alex said, putting his arm around Jo’s waist as they started to walk down the hall.

“Okay,” Jo said, slipping out of his arms and taking off to run down the hall.

Alex ran after her, and he knew that she wouldn’t calm down until she saw Helena. Jo looked like she was going to throw up as they both ran down to the daycare. He thought that it would be better for her if he dropped Helena off. That way, it would be easier for Jo to get used to it if she didn't have to leave Helena herself. However, watching now as she panicked in the elevator, he second guessed himself. Alex wrapped his arm around Jo’s waist as they turned the corner, pulling her back before she entered the daycare in a panic. He held Jo against his chest and pointed at Helena through the window as he saw her laugh from her spot on the carpet.

“Look.”

Helena was sitting with Sonia, playing peek-a-boo and laughing every time Sonia dropped the blanket to smile at her. Her full belly laugh rang through the room and it was like music to Alex’s ears. Finally, Jo let out a breath, relaxing back into his arms, and he put his head on her shoulder. They watched their baby laugh for a moment as Jo squeezed his hands.

“She’s laughing,” Jo said with a smile.

“Yeah, she is. She’s happy there,” Alex said, smiling and tilting his head to kiss Jo’s cheek.

“I still need her back though,” Jo said, taking a step forward and pulling Alex with her.

“Okay then, let’s go get her.”

Jo ran forward into the daycare and Helena squealed and smiled as she started bouncing when she saw her mom. Jo leaned down to pick her up and planted a dozen kisses on her cheeks. Helena grabbed onto her hair and giggled as she looked at Jo. As mother and daughter were reunited, they seemed to stare into each other's eyes and have a silent conversation. Alex loved the bond that Jo and Helena had. They seemed to be completely mesmerized with the other at times as if it was just them alone, despite the crowded room around them.

Alex thanked Sonia, who said she did really well, and they enjoyed their time together. Jo only had eyes for Helena though, as Alex wrapped his arms around her as he led her towards the attending’s lounge. They settled down on the couch together and Helena was babbling as Jo talked to her in a back and forth conversation. Alex pulled out a couple of teether toys, and their conversation paused as Helena started chewing on one of the wings of a butterfly shaped toy.

“It was good that she was in daycare today,” Jo finally said, looking over at him with a solemn nod.

“Yeah?” Alex asked, looking at Jo, as he hugged her shoulders and he could tell she was still struggling.

“I just don't know if I'm ready to do this. From the moment she was conceived, we’ve never been apart for more than an hour,” Jo said, her voice breaking as she pulled Helena closer. “I don’t want her to think that I’ve left her. My mother left me. One day I cried and she picked me up, and the next, she put me down and she never picked me up again. She never wanted to touch me again.”

“You are not your birth mother, Jo,” Alex said, wrapping his arms around her. “You want to hold our baby. You will always pick Helena back up and you will always come back for her.”

“She doesn't know that!” Jo stressed, looking over at him.

“You’re right. She doesn't know that, at least not yet,” Alex said, remaining calm and using a slow and steady voice. “But she will learn to depend on her new caregivers and know that we will come back for her. We're not abandoning her Jo, she's just learning to trust us more and trust someone else too.”

Helena grabbed at Jo’s scrub top as she laid her head on Jo’s shoulder. Jo closed her eyes and wrapped her arms around Helena, completely enveloping her. “Every time I set her down, I can still feel the weight of her on my chest. I ache for her and I know she aches for me too.”

Alex nodded, he felt that ache too, and sometimes after Helena fell asleep, he’d just hold her, even if it was late at night. He just couldn’t take the feeling of the emptiness in his arms. At this point, he knew that there was nothing he could say or do that would make Jo feel better about leaving Helena at daycare. All he could do was give her time and if Jo decided that she needed more time, then he would support her.

“But I did enjoy my surgery this afternoon. It felt so good to practice medicine and talk to other adults and not just spew medical jargon at my child while she drools and spits up on me,” Jo teased Helena and wiped away a spot of drool on her chin with her thumb.

“Well, then maybe we can work something out and do alternative shifts?” Alex said with a shrug.

“But then we'd never see each other,” Jo whined, looking over at him with a frown.

“So, what do you want to do?” Alex asked, letting out a breath and trying to figure out a way that Jo could have the best of both worlds. Medicine and motherhood. Maybe he should ask Meredith, as she had a good work-life balance.

Jo looked back at Helena, who looked up at her and smiled before burying her face, mouth first in Jo’s shoulder and chewing on her pink scrub top. “I can't leave her if she cries and I don't know if I'm ready to be away from her for a full twelve-hour shift, but I'm ready to go back to work. I miss work.”

“So we'll talk to Bailey and Carina get you on a part-time shift and you can see her on all your breaks,” Alex said with a shrug, trying to seem nonchalant and make this easy for her.

Jo nodded and took a deep breath before lifting Helena up and putting her in Alex’s arms. “I can't leave her if she cries. However, if you’re okay with dropping her off at the daycare and making sure she’s okay, then we should do that, and I'll be okay. Then after your shift’s over, we’ll meet you and then we can all go home together.”

“That sounds good and you could always bring her to see me on the Peds floor. I’d never turn down a visit from my girls,” Alex said, as Jo laid her head on his shoulder, and he held Helena as she reached for a toy. “It will get easier.”

“I know,” Jo said with a sigh. “And I will always pick her back up again.”

“Yeah, you can pick her up until she's a teenager and she’s screaming at you to leave her alone,” Alex said with a laugh that Jo shared, and he was happy to see her smile and laugh with him.

“As long as I'm living, my baby you'll be,” Jo said, leaning down to kiss her head.

Alex smiled as he held his girls. They both giggled at Helena as she swung her toy around, almost taking off Alex’s nose. Jo had both of her hands on Helena’s waist, almost holding her.

“Do you want her back?”

“Yes,” Jo said, already taking her out of his arms.

Alex just laughed, he didn’t mind that Jo held her every waking hour because at night, it was his turn. He could hold her for as long as he wanted. Ever since she was a newborn, he would take on the majority of her night time care so Jo could get some extra rest. He would stay up and just hold her and sing to her, even after she fell asleep in his arms.

Alex watched as Jo held Helena and talked to her, completely enchanted and in love with a little girl in her arms. Jo tried her hardest to do right by Helena and give her everything she needed and more.

“She’ll be all right, Jo, because you are an excellent mom and you make me a better Dad. Helena has everything that we didn't as kids. She has a mom who wants to spend every minute with her and a dad who adores her. If she has to be in daycare for a few hours a day, she’s going to be fine. She will be a well adjusted, emotionally stable kid. She’s going to be okay because she has us looking out for her.”

“Yeah?” Jo asked, a little hesitant as she looked up at him.

“Yes,” Alex said for sure with a single nod.

Jo nodded and leaned in to kiss him. “You help me be a good Mom, thank you.”

“You’re the reason I’m a Dad at all and you help me be a good Dad too,” Alex said, leaning his forehead against her head. “We help each other, that's what we're supposed to do. We help each other so that we can help her.”

Jo laughed and pulled back. “Since when did you become so wise and all-knowing.”

“I'm a Dad now. I've got Dad wisdom,” Alex said, tilting his chin up.

“You've also got Dad jokes,” Jo said as she giggled and bounced Helena in her lap. “And they're not even good ones.”

“Excuse you,” Alex said, swatting her shoulder, but she just kept laughing.

Alex loved the sound of her laugh, even if it was at his expense and he pulled her in for a real kiss. He kissed her long enough that Helena started to squawk and demand their attention as she grabbed at their cheeks with chubby hands. They pulled back with another laugh and looked back at their little girl. Helena and Jo were going to be just fine, Alex would make sure of it.

#jo wilson #alex karev #jolex #grey's anatomy #otp: home and heart #jo karev #grey's anatomy fanfic #my writing #my work #my fanfiction

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jazy3 · 4 years

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Thoughts on Grey’s Anatomy: 17X6

SPOILERS AHEAD!!!

Wow this was a tense episode! I liked this episode when I watched it, but then I went back and re-watched it and started thinking about it more deeply when my friend and I recorded our podcast and the more I thought about it the more glaring issues and omissions I caught which made me feel frustrated. Especially because I was expecting to see a bunch of things in this episode, the Mid-Season Finale, that it looks like we’ll have to wait to the Mid-Season Premiere to see and seeing as the show won’t be back for quite a while and we’ve got a long wait ahead of us is rather disappointing.

I think this episode had a great set up, but I feel like they only delivered on about half of what they promised. I think they focused a lot of screen time on scenes that could have been shortened or omitted in favour of more important or interesting scenes that I felt should have been there and were missing and they focused a lot on characters that I don’t particularly care for while at the same time shafting characters that I would have loved to have seen more of or learned more about.

I was so happy that Meredith woke up and was improving! I love the beach motif, but that storyline was starting to drag for me so I was excited to see her back in the game and being her usual self again. I loved her scenes with Tom, but I spent the whole episode expecting someone to say something to Hayes about her being awake and for Hayes to come and visit her and then the episode ended and that didn’t happen and I was so confused. I was sure we were going to get a scene with the two of them in the last ten minutes of the episode, but instead we saw her collapse and they put her on a ventilator without Jackson or Hayes ever discussing the matter or coming to visit her.

And now they can’t talk! They missed their window and I’m so pissed! The show spent ¾ of last season building up a slow burn between Meredith and Hayes which they continued in episodes two and three of Season 17. Hayes asked her out for drinks at the end of last season. They’ve established that they’re close friends. Hayes’ text in the Premiere implies that they’ve had drinks before in his office in between seasons. Hayes is the one that found her in the parking lot. He asked Maggie about her and came to talk to her when he heard she was looking for a new POA. Hayes was the one that Meredith shared her fears of dying with.

And then Meredith becomes unconscious and we don’t see Hayes for two whole episodes and then when he comes back Meredith wakes up and no one bothers to tell him and we don’t see him and Jackson or any of the other characters talk to him about? We don’t see him visit her? This makes no sense! It’s out of character and ridiculous. And here’s my question: Do Hayes and Jackson even know that Meredith woke up? They don’t seem to in this episode and yet characters like Levi know and Maggie, whose a notorious blabbermouth knows and is shouting about on a video call with Winston so presumably the whole hospital would know.

Also is Hayes heard that Meredith was looking for a POA he definitely would have heard that she was awake. They’re close friends and her sisters know that. Plus he’s the one that found her! Jackson and Meredith have been friends for years! Are you seriously telling me that no one told him? That’s ridiculous which makes me wonder if they did in fact know and they did talk about it or go visit her and we just didn’t get to see it on screen. Like there’s a deleted scene that we didn’t get to see.

Which is dumb especially when you consider what they did show us. For example, they had an entire several minute scene where Amelia and Owen operated on the kidnapper in which we learn no new information whatsoever and it does absolutely nothing to advance the personal storylines of either character. On top of that, the scenes that Owen and Amelia have preceding and following the surgery with other characters are so powerful and well done that they could have shorten the surgery scene to a few minutes or made it a montage over music and wouldn’t have changed a thing.

Amelia and Owen are clearly not getting back together at this point even though he’s on the outs with Teddy because Amelia and Link have a child together and Owen for all his faults is not going to take a father away from Scout having lost his own Dad at a young age. So the scene doesn’t do anything to advance their personal storylines other than to establish that they miss their kids, hate kidnappers, and that the world sucks. All things we already knew.

And then there’s that end scene where Carina and Andrew DeLuca, two side characters they have spent absolutely no time developing, decide to chase after a human trafficker like a couple of vigilante crime fighters on a show that’s supposed to be about surgeons. What?!?!? They could have cut or significantly shortened both those scenes and it would have given them time to show Jackson and Hayes finding out that Meredith was awake and talking about it and then Hayes going to visit her. Which would have made a lot more sense than some of the stuff that they did show us, fit with the set up we were provided, and oh hey given us actually new information and character development that was about a medical case!

I was also hoping that Meredith and Hayes were going to talk this episode because I thought there was a good set up there for them to chat, banter, discuss their feelings, and for Meredith to ask Hayes about the idea of them quarantining together at a hotel. They established in this episode that if her stats held she would need to stay in the hospital for another week before they could discharge her so it’s still possible for this to happen when the show returns I just would have liked to have seen them address it this episode and provide that set up.

So to be honest I have mixed feelings about Meredith waking up and starting to feel better only to get worse and have to be placed on a ventilator by the end of the episode. On the one hand, I read an interview saying that they chose to do this storyline to give Ellen Pompeo the opportunity to act without a mask on the beach because of some health concerns that she has with regards to asthma and so I understand why they keep having to go that route. The actor's safety must come first.

This episode was the Mid-Season Finale and it felt tense the whole way through so I expected something bad to happen at the end, but I wasn't sure what it would be. I am sad that we didn't get any new beach scenes or see Derek on the beach like I'd hoped or see Meredith chat with Hayes the way she did with other characters. I'm also discouraged by the fact that she may spend the second half of the season bedridden because that really limits the storylines they can do about her personal life.

Which may in fact be the biggest critique I have of this episode. The Mid-Season Finale and the Mid-Season Premiere are usually pretty important with regards to Meredith’s personal life and her love life in particular. By this point in the season I expected Meredith and Hayes to have confessed their feelings for one another. I was hoping to see them make plans to quarantine at a hotel together. I was expecting to see her on the beach talking to Derek and getting closer.

But no. Instead we got no Meredith and Derek scene on the beach and no Meredith and Hayes at the hospital and I am mad. I mean if you only watched this episode you would have no idea that Meredith was ever married or that her and Hayes are involved at all. We’ve gotten absolutely no movement on Meredith’s personal life in the last three episodes. None. The people that love her and are taking care of her are worried about her and want her to get better. That’s it. There’s no new information here.

Which brings me back to another issue I had with this episode which is that Hayes finally reappeared only to spend most of the episode in the background and he didn't have meaningful conversations with anyone which I felt was a waste. I was so excited to see him back on screen and then I was disappointed when he didn’t really get to do much. Meredith woke up this episode and was well enough to laugh with her sisters and have a full on gab fest with Tom, but her and Hayes didn't have a scene together. Which felt odd and out of character considering that they’ve established. It was also weird that he didn't have any kind of meaningful conversation with Jackson despite working on a case with him that was racially charged and where black girls and woman were the ones affected.

Hayes is an amazing character so for him to be MIA for two episodes and then show back up only for the show not to use his character to his full potential bothered me so much. The fact that the victims and their mothers were black factored heavily into what happened and yet Hayes, who was married to a black woman and has two biracial kids, did not have any kind of meaningful conversation about the circumstances with Jackson, a black man who used his own money to help that girl's mother.

Also can we talk about the fact that Jo tells Richard that she wants to talk about a career change that she’s considering without ever talking to Carina who is an OBGYN and Hayes whose the head of pediatric surgery? WTF? This makes literally no sense and it’s kind of making me hate Jo because it’s so dumb. Also if Levi and Jo know that Meredith is awake Jackson and Hayes must have which makes no sense because they didn’t talk about it or go see her and I am an angry ball of rage!

On top of that, Jo and Levi have had two separate conversations in which Jo has confirmed that she wants to quit surgery altogether 100% to become an OBGYN on a show that is about surgeons to the exclusion of all others. This makes no sense. There just isn’t enough story here so unless Jo is leaving at some point I don’t understand how this is going to work. The show literally wrote off a plethora of characters in the first few seasons in order to focus almost exclusively on surgeons. It was a conscious choice that the showrunners made.

Several of the show’s current showrunners and writers were a part of the show when that decision was made so it's not like they don’t know why and how that happened. Which makes this storyline all the more bonkers to me. Also, who cares? Watching Jo perform surgery is interesting. Watching her catch babies is not. Also they’ve established that Jo and Hayes are friends and that she’s rooting for him and Meredith so why is she talking to Levi, who is a surgical resident, about this instead of her friend Hayes?

I’m also not as certain that Tom is going to die as I was before. At first I thought him getting better might be a surge, but now his improvement seems more like a for sure thing. And they did the whole storyline about his roommate dying so it would be a bit anti-climactic and predictable to me to have him suddenly die. On the other hand, Meredith is the star of the show and so if she lives it's likely someone else on the show will die of this disease and Tom seems the most likely candidate right now. I think Tom will be upset, panicked, and distraught when he finds out that Meredith had to be put on a vent. I think Teddy and Maggie will have to work very hard to calm him down which gives potential for some good Teddy and Tom scenes.

My heart broke for Bailey this episode like it did last week and while I think she should have taken some time off to grieve I understand why she didn't. Bailey is a work horse, a workaholic, and she always has been. That hasn't changed and as she says if she goes home she risks infecting Tuck and Joey with COVID. She could stay in a hotel, but it would be pretty hard for her to sit around and grieve when she knows patients are dying at Grey Sloan and she can help them. I hope she finds time to grieve and process the loss properly in the second half of the season once Meredith improves and gets better.

I loved Richard’s speech to Teddy. I think he told her exactly what she needed to hear. He told her what everyone else was too afraid to tell her or didn't want to because they were mad at her for what she did. Richard speaks from experience as a recovering alcoholic whose screwed up royally in his life so I think that gave his advice weight and gravitas. Richard is right. Teddy needs to name her demons, deal with her issues, come clean, and stop feeling sorry for herself. While I'm happy that Teddy finally told Owen the truth about who Allison was to her, she neglected to mention that her and Allison were having an affair.

Which is highly relevant seeing as she starts the conversation off by telling him that she doesn't know why she cheated on him with Tom. She tells some of the truth, but not the whole truth. She needs to come all the way clean. I don't think Owen will ever look at Teddy the same way again and I honestly don't see any hope for them at this point. Hopefully they can co-parent together peacefully. Also do we really need more scenes of Owen and Teddy fighting? Come on?

The one big bright spot in this episode for me was the scenes between Maggie and Winston! I love them! They are so cute together! And since it appears that Winston has now moved to Seattle I hope to see a lot more of them going forward. I love that he brought her flowers and was exactly what she needed in that moment. Now if only we could get that kind of movement on the Meredith and Hayes front that would be great.

I was surprised to see Opal, the fake aunt from last season who turned out to be a human trafficker, return. And I'm a bit surprised that they chose to bring the human trafficking storyline back and make it a reoccurring plot. I felt that they wrapped that storyline up pretty neatly and I didn't have any real desire for it to make a comeback. Plus, that storyline centered on DeLuca as a character and since I'm not a fan the storyline didn’t really do much for me. It's sad and scary, but it doesn't leave me excited to find out what happens next.

My favourite scene and quote from this episode was when Owen finished telling the kidnapper that he was the devil's barbeque and what a complete scumbag he was only for the guy's face to droop and for him to pass out causing Owen to remark, "Bold move Bob," and for him to realize he'd now need to resuscitate and save the guy's life from a possible stroke. That made me crack up laughing! I'm not an Owen fan most of the time, but I must say he's had some great one liners the last few seasons.

As for what’s to come when the show returns in 2021, the Season 17 Premiere blew all of my past predictions out of the water so I'm fully expecting to be wrong about several things going into the second half of the season. That being said, I think Meredith will pull through. I think Tom or one of the other characters will die. I think Winston will join Grey Sloan Memorial and start working there. I hope that both Hayes and Winston get the full screen time that they deserve and that they stop focusing on characters we don’t give a damn about because they’ve spent no time developing them.

I think we'll finally get to see the Meredith and Derek embrace that we've been hoping for and I think we'll see Jackson and Jo's relationship develop more. I hope that we see Hayes come and visit Meredith while she's out and that when she gets better we see them talk. I really felt like that was missing these last three episodes. I'd also love for them to quarantine at the hotel together after she's discharged!

Until next time!

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