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#but i think thats part of or maybe all of the connection to will. maybe they are connected because the mind flayer was a part of the attack
puppyeared · 10 months
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its so hard to watch time pass when things like careers and assignments exist. what do you mean im supposed to take that seriously
#I have an assignment that was due a week ago and I really really dont want to do it. I have to but i dont want to#im probably making it worse because my brain has built a wall around it so now i can’t do literally anything else until thats done. but#because I don’t want to do it I’m just kinda stuck. turns out this is what they meant when they said emotional regulation is part of#exec dysfunction.. I’ll have a thought like if I get a little bit of it done now i can get it over with. I can just submit something#and then not even 5 minutes later itll be like ugh but I have to draw all the assets out. I have to write things and make spreads ugh#and its just flopping between those two things. i hate it when ppl are like well how much time do you need to work on one thing#because BOY id love to know too. I’d love to know exactly when my brain wants to cooperate with me and work around that but I cant#even my period can’t decide when it wants to punch me in the stomach. which is kinda funny in the grand scheme of things but still#its so weird im just lying on my bed thinking abt all this like damn.. the time will pass anyways no matter what I decide to do.. damn….#if I submit that assignment now and take the L I literally won’t die. it’ll just be a deduction on an assignment nobody will ask me about#I know this but I’m still stressing myself about it so my thoughts aren’t really connecting to my body. weird#maybe its because Im having a hard time looking forward to things. theres definitely a lot I should be living for but I don’t really feel#a strong attachment to it I guess? it’s been like this for a while with holidays and meeting with friends so I just don’t#I kinda figured its because im pretty passionless and its more like passing interest. but it’s not very fun when it feels like I’m going to#be living distraction to distraction for the next 70 years or so lol#idk it kind of feels like slowly bleeding out. which is funny because I actually did experience blood loss this week#had a 30 minute nosebleed and literally could not stand. also it felt like someone was pinching the back of my brain which was interesting#yapping#does this count as vent#vent#Ive just been making an oc carrd and contemplate changing my blog header for the past 3 days honestly
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skunkes · 4 days
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i dont like when character being blunt/having no filter = character just being Mean, and im trying to find a good balance with that for Talon. I guess it's not that hard since he's not an (active) overthinker and I have drawn him saying things he considers neutral that seem rude to others...I guess I have to find a way to show the opposite, too
#talkys#oc text#active overthinker bc he does have mindsets that would be Overthinking but theyre more like#''the brain fell to this conclusion'' vs ''this conclusion was arrived at after hrs of thinking''#also the balance would be because he of course does have to at least consider his words often#and i know there are things he doesnt want to reveal to others‚ or sometimes he doesnt Want to say things that could#influence someones emotions in one way or another#but i think thats solved by the ''neutral (to him) statement'' part of it#just like when i drew him saying smunker's face was really round (to smunker himself)#skunker took that as an insult but talon was just Stating Observation#similarly Talon would have to strain certain compliments to people he enjoys through clenched teeth sometimes#due to the vulnerability of it all of course#but we could also just go the ''It's Just An Observation he states neutrally‚ without thinking'' route here#except received positively#i think thats harder for ME the writer to figure out tho bc im the overthinker#and also positive stuff harder to keep neutral and surface level#maybe it rly just is thinking vs unthinking#catching self thinking about complimenting al = why would i embarrass myself this way#the words simply escaping before the thought catches up‚ without being too detailed‚ solely#based off of what he's observing at that moment = ✅#also dont get me wrong talon IS purposefully mean pretty often LOL but i didnt want that sole connection to Being Blunt#ok gn yey ^_^
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sonknuxadow · 2 months
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potential sonic 3 spoilers incoming if anyone cares. anyway . apparently there was an official survey about the knuckles show/scu in general and one of the questions was about what name you would use for an eggman/shadow/gerald teamup. which is a weirdly specific question. and also one of the name options was team dark …….. ?? even though rouge isnt mentioned in the question and theres no sign of her being in the next movie in general ? i was willing to accept amy being introduced a little after knuckles and tails but between there still being no sign of her being in the next movie and now this if they actually have gerald time travel or something and have him be the third member of the dark story trio instead of rouge then i will be fully convinced that theyre going out of their way to exclude as many already existing girl characters as possible. like i get cgi is expensive which could be part of the reason rouge might not have made the cut. but damn . assuming this is real anyway it could just be another fake leak but idk
#im not saying the writers hate all the girl characters (iirc they have said they like amy and rouge and shown interest in adding them)#and i also dont think the movies have to be complete copies of the games in terms of stories and characters#but some of the decisions being made here are so weird and kinda show a lack of care for those characters ..#its especially odd that iirc theyve said that part of what influences the choices on what characters to use is popularity/recognizability#both to fans of the games as well as more casual viewers#yet they might be rewriting a major part of the story just to include gerald over rouge?#and they wanted a character who was a ghost echidna that guided the living characters and they picked pachacamac#instead of tikal who both already fits that description And is more popular?#okay well i doubt casual viewers would know who tikal is but they dont know who pachacamac is either#and its also an objective fact that tikal is more popular among fans . Man .#also theres the thing of knuckles being given a connection to iblis when thats already elise (and blaze)'s thing#to be fair knuckles is way more popular and recognizable than elise. and i really doubt sonic 06 would get adapted#but still#maria IS confirmed to be in the next movie though#but idk if i would consider that to be a win for girl sonic characters#considering shes the only one known to be in it AND she dies#sonic movie spoilers#sonic movie 3 spoilers#i guess idk#also again considering the whole cgi thing i would have been willing to accept no rouge even if its disappointing#but to have gerald of all characters replace her is just so. what .... cant you just use agent stone or a new character or something#i dont hate gerald its just the idea of bringing him back to life instead of including rouge is weird .#anyway . we also dont have full context so maybe its nt as bad as it sounds. or maybe theyre hiding rouge and amy from us . IDKK#but also every new info about this movie we get has me like that one picture of a guy holding a cigarette and looking reallytired#and i hate feeling this way when i was so excited about the first 2 when they came out#sad ! well theres other sonic media
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bunnihearted · 2 months
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ᯓ★
#i feel the way i feel and i dont owe it to anyone to hide my sadness </3333#also i just have bpd and even somewhere many ppl have that u cant even say anything but im just having a breakdown now 🤷🏻‍♀️#anyway what i wanted to say is that i AM sensitive and emotional and stupid#and it does hurt so much when the person i want and love doesnt feel that way for me#and i feel bad saying stuff like this bc ppl dont really understand but#i dont feel..: a whole lot... for anyone but him thats just how it is#so he IS a loss he IS so hard to lose and thats just how i feel#and it hurts sm bc hes the only one i wanna talk to but i cant#i know this is smth most ppl deal with in life and like it's just part of being a human#i just everyday keep thinking of things that remind me of him or i read a book i wanna tell him abt and then the pain comes back#bc the thing is i kinda only want to talk to him abt it all bc i just dont /feel/ a lot talking to others#that doesnt mean i dont appreciate it or care i just dont know how to explain#maybe it's my avpd? but i just dont feel happy or nice or good or comfortable or excited or interested in the same way :((((#i dont know i barely know what im talking or thinking about#and i keep saying the same things over and over again im just so sad and it feels like i always will be#bc i have bpd and then the pain feels all consuming and like it will never end and its just so hard to deal with#and even if it might be true when ppl say stuff like u deserve love or you're gonna find someone else etc#im not ready to receive it bc i only want this specific person and i get that many ppl deal with unrequited love and its part of life#but i AM scared bc im 25 and i've never ever met anyone i feel even a fraction for what i feel for him#what if im someone who doesnt get many chances w ppl? what if im cursed to be alone and never find anyone i have a mutual connection to????#so therefore i just wanted thought believed and hoped it would be him#and yes i acknowledge that a lot of it was just me wanting that and not realizing reality but its still how i felt#and as a bpd girlie my emotions are all consuming 🥴#so bottom line is i kinda just wanna die bc i wanna talk to him every second bc im crazy and mentally ill and since i cant do that im in sm#pain hahahah :D#and i will complain abt it bc it hurts so much idk what to do!!!!! ☺️
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cosmik-homo · 8 days
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Honestly i really do know im being annoying with this but the logistics of swapping out Avon and Raistlin and watching what theh do is the greatest form of Playing With Dolls I've ever ever had. Its a serotonin treadmill. You've heard of watching a brilliant, dark tortured genius asshole slowly create his own downfall what about landing in the middle of such a slipperyslope and starting to turn it into an entirely different one. AND THERE'S PVP ALLOWED, one of my main options rn is Avon-as-Raistlin starts planning how to re-open the connection and either undo this or pass some more things between the worlds- and Raistlin-as-Avon is like FINDERS KEEPERS BITCH. Paying It (The Lichdom Curse) Forewards, im staying in your life and im winning at it, fuck off. And Avon's like, ex-fucking-scuse me?
#what if. in this route avon is repoening the connection through magic raist-as-avon is gonna start regaining the capscity for magic too.#and it can be a Metaphysical Wizard Duel AND like an emotional climax whhen their parties catch up#and like. avon coming back for his friends carried on a storm. the fact that despite dverything he would fight for it-#even if hes doing it for an Incredibly Specific Way he wants to benefit power from merging both worlds that STILL a level of#coming back for his friends and lives and such yknow. its gonna affect them.#and raistlin possibly seeing caramon again-#i dont think avon would be as desperate to strike out on his own thats a raist psychological thing-#and maybe trying to appeal through the barrier like. hey! if you want what's good for me. GET HIS ASS. I want to stay here!#and that classic kind of tension between them. caramon wanrs his brother back and raistlin thinking of it as caramon wanting him Weak#and Dependant on his protection. the whole aspect of like body and strength swap is very. interesting and a bit#yuck politically but thats part of the fun. this isnt a cure narrative this is game of thrines musical chairs over resources-#the bodies the magic the many differences in Circumstances that seperate the two wars-#not just genre but straight up strategical details. the privileges of space age comforts vs having an almost even chance at victory. etc et#YOU SEE ME. IM HAVING FUNNNNN#THIS IS SO FUN. IT SHOULD BE A NOVELLA LENGTH ZINE FROM THE 90S UNFORTUNATELY ITS JUST ME IN MY HEAD. BUT#cally can probably sense something is wrong from the start. mentally....#the grudging respect raist would have for blake vs unlike avon he is entirely capable of backstabbing the hell out of them all.#avon would find the Expanded DL Party loud and weirdly social and annoying and pass off as raist through that easily#but also just. as i said i think he's way less likely to actually Act to further only himself like raist would#especially as Not Native to this setting like. no use aloanating possible resources. hes just gonna steer them All As A Group towards#paths of survival and advantage in the war that are Also to his personal magic based benefits i think#im having FUN#yknow what i might make this my Pinned. im Going Through A Moment.#dragons of the sad embezzler
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bonestrouslingbones · 27 days
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btw if you ever wanna really look at the beauty of color theory & the importance of context in colors i really like how edge's armor communicates "black" pretty well imo and fluff's jacket communicates "purple" when this is the difference between both colors
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animentality · 2 years
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I love you all.
Most ardently.
No joke, no memes, no quip. No cap.
Just love you. Doesn't need to be requited.
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extravalgant · 2 years
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Well done, my champion, my hero, my... dare i say it? My Scion. 
started thinkin about lemuria again and before i knew it i was 4+ hours deep into this painting of calamity . crazy stuff
IM NOT THERE YET ON MY STORM (camera pan to me dead in karamelle) but that wont stop me from getting the story ELSEWHERE... the monitoring stations with the old one always interested me . love how he called us his scion i think thats very fucked up possessive of him
anyways heres one more lil doodle
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#wizard101#w101#lemuria spoilers#HOW DO I... EXPLAIN THIS#this is a lie i would love to explain all my fucked up and projected thinking#I LOVE THAT LITTLE PIECE OF DIALOGUE....#and its so funny to imagine this as calamity in this situation#because as far as she knows the arcanum and ravenwood let her kill anyone she pleased#either that or she realized early on that she had 'permission to kill' that anyone else didnt have#so later on down the line she starts toeing the line of a 'good' and 'bad' person so when dasein comes along shes like ur telling me#i gotta deal with and sort out my own moral compass ??? AND TEACH IT TO THIS GUY???#guy (gender neutral)#but like... MY SCION . what did u mean by that. AND ITS CAPITALIZED SO ITS IMPORTANT#whether or not he knew it was us (but i think he did know it was us) when we saw each other on the summit its like . things would have been#so different if he didnt get swallowed and thats the crazy part#MY CHAMPION.. MY HERO... like objectively speaking those are very much positive/good aligned but coming from that tv#i was like u are trying to mold us (the wizard) into EVIL!!! MAYBE . maybe#also its sooo juicy how we will never know if the old one actually had a change of heart bc hes dead . like LOST CONNECTIONS...#some will say yes and canon supports that i guess w the guilt line but at the same time im like . he was way too flippant with the lives of#these inhibitants for me to believe that he felt guilt at the last moment like what CHANGED...#anyways . i like to think that he was still putting up a front and had an ego to assume nothing bad would happen to him#bc yknow he 'knew everything'#and then he ends up getting absorbed and its like . a#I TALK SO MUCH IN THESE TAGS... kissie for whoever reads this mwah#my art#also this was like my first time doing both perspective AND lighting and i was working with 4 different light sources#please . have mercy on me#edit: ok apparently he didnt know who the scion would b in lemuria but ig he knew it might have been us in karamelle . idk! idk
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ajdrawshq · 2 years
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@ your tags on my post, i am shaking you like a maraca and yelling "YESSSSS"
i wanna see how kh3 tackles that whole thing because it's so eerily similar to what happens in the manga. and in the manga, he is in so much pain and agony, AND HE'S STILL FIGHTING. ROXAS IS THERE WITH HIM, HIS ONLY COMPANION, and then kh3 just tripped and fell on the glass table.
also, i think about this constantly, i want them to do something with it so bad.
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YEA i cant wait to see the rest of kh3 manga chapters and how they handle everything, i especially loved the manga versions for days and kh2 and the way their stories were told - even tho kh3 has a Lot going on that might be hard to show well.. amano's been good at it so far tho so i have faith :]
but yeah that whole thing with Roxas is just . oughh. im not gonna lie even i forgot that Roxas was like. still there with Sora when he perishes until i thought abt it writing those tags but now that ive realized that. why the hell did they not take advantage of that!!!! like ok i get that it was more focused on the destiny trio in the ways i talked abt in the tags but yknow. what happened to "he makes up the difference"?? that wouldve been a great moment for it to shine!! ik they already make an example of it during the Xemnas n Saïx fight but still!!
part of me wishes Roxas couldve have more outward influence on Sora the way Ven did. granted, he arguably had an affect on Sora back in kh2, and while i dont remember if it was canon or even intended, that could be applied to both his appearance (his lighter hair, mostly) and his behavior (his hostility towards the organization members; ive seen this argued both as smth Roxas had influence over and purely based on Soras experiences thus far, and i believe in both personally) but Ven in kh3 was literally able to speak and somewhat act through him. im pretty sure this was meant to show that Ven was fully ready to awaken or smth like that, and that wasnt sonething that was needed for Roxas; hes alright, just needed a body/vessel for himself. but i still think itd be a cool way to express the earlier sentiment. and it wouldnt necessarily have to be Roxas "taking over" either, the manga shows very well how Roxas gives Sora strength from within and that he definitely does make a difference
to be fair tho...... whether that wouldve helped Sora in the moment that he gives in to his despair, im not sure. in kh2, both manga and game, hes in a very different mindset than kh3. in that part of the manga especially, despite thinking everyone (except Roxas) is gone for good, he still has the belief that they can live on within him. and that, plus the literal strength hes getting from Roxas, is keeping him going despite it all. in kh3 his self confidence is beyond fucked, and he truly believes in that moment that hes lost Everything, not just his friends. thats hard to come back from
i wonder if he were to remember that Roxas were still there, if that wouldve helped. whether for comfort in the way that hes not really alone then, or for motive to keep living bc if he dies then Roxas is gone too, or whatever reason, i think it couldve changed something, even if its just a little bit. hell, itd have been great if something like that happened afterwards in the final world. id like to think Roxas had a hand in Sora surviving ..... not sure how but its a nice thought. either way i do wish Sora n Roxas' connection and that moment they have in san fransokyo had more....... More. in kh3. it was a great opportunity that they didnt use/forgot about n im now sad abt it forever
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stellardeer · 8 months
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Is it wrong to be a Taylor Swift hater?
Like... is it low-key leftover internalized misogyny?
Or does her music just suck?
#idk i could go on but why bother#ive been thinking about this a lot lately#like i really used to be EXTREMELY misogynistic growing up and i started hating tswift from the beginning and never changed my mind#but i cant tell if all my reason for not liking her are actually justified or if its just confirmation bias#and the first name she gave was taylor swift. and i couldnt help but laugh out loud. (over text#but i genuinely dont find her music interesting#i did like that blank space song the first time i heard it#but after listening to the words i realized i didnt really connect with it and didnt like it as much#but its got a really fun melody#idk its also kind of like that post thats like 'were you an OG justin bieber hater at age 13 just because?'#like is part of my disdain for her just stemming from my need to dislike popular things in general cause im a pretentious little indie lover#who knows idk#maybe i shouldnt hate taylor swift#hating taylor swift isnt a personality trait#but also i cant stop thinking about this one girl i matched with on tinder who said she was going into hearing medical sciences#because of the profound effect that music has had on her in her life#and i already knew exactly how she would answer this question just from looking at her but i asked her#what artists she enjoyed that had such a profound effect on her#and the first name she gave was taylor swift and i couldnt help but laugh out loud#(over text tho she did not hear me thankfully)#idk maybe i have nothing againt the woman as a person (i dont fucking know her so i cant) but im just annoyed by the concept of her#she has this like false success story of being a small town nobody who made it big or something#but that isnt even true she had a rich father who was able to move her across the country#and use his wealth and connections to jumpstart her career#i DO think it is impressive that she writes all of her own songs in an age where the mainstream music industry does not do that#but there are a million and one indie artists writing their own songs that i appreciate more#because theyre writing about things i actually care about#not to mention the way people believe with theyre whole heart that she is queer like come on yall...
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mainfaggot · 8 months
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oh also shes straight
#and the part of me thats empty hopeless and constantly passively suicidal scores a goal!#a win for the agony within!#a loss for whimsy hope and serenity and the part of the me that is trying to heal and move forward without the weight of it all defining me.#it's like. im not surprised. why did i have expectations#why did i hope. i shouldnt hope. im so stupid. i shouldnt hope i should know better than that. im scarily lacking substance. im a shell#im a puppet. i cant form lasting relationships im an actor im a liar it would've never worked anyway#-> me going insane in real time#-> i sound so dramatic like go watch txt to do and chill out maybe ⁉️#idk lol 😐#im not giving up bc she said we should hang out again and friendship is always an option and she already#knows too much about me at this point so it's too late to back out#here is to befriending her for the sake of allowing myself to exist imperfectly and for the sake of hanging out with someone every week for#funsies and nothing else. we dont need to have some grand connection. she doesn't need to have a crush on me. we can just be#on campus buddies#we can meet during the summer at some points too maybe#idk. idk i want to disappear i think bc i really feel like i embarrassed myself by being so open about my insecurities#i should've put on the mask i usually wear#but i didnt#and everything thats pathetic about me was on full display#i don't know. god. i dont know#what matters is i made her smile a few times. my unnecessary commentary got a laugh out of her a few times too#the world is still spinning#the air was refreshingly chilly on my way home today#i got rained on and came to class looking beautiful despite my carefully slicked back hair falling into my eyes#my spanish professor agreed with my thoughts on the text we were analysing#z.post
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capaldiera · 2 years
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it was so not the point of mash and would have been jarring tbh but like rn i'm wishing father mulcahy had actually talked about religion in more than just little quips. girl what are your thoughts and what things do you like to focus on. btw
#thinking abiut this rn because i was wondering if theres any particular saints he likes but i think it was kicked off by when i was thinkin#g earlier today about. well i was thinking about heroes again. specifically about the men he grew up around and didnt want to be like and t#he places he looked to for the kind of man he did want to be (reading plato; what he saw of gentleman joe cavanaugh)#and i was thinking about the ways he differed from the other kids (who bullied him) and the kind of kid his dad wanted him to be (to me the#subtext in emphasising how much he used to sit inside reading directly before talking about going to the match with his dad is that his dad#kind of dragged him along and wanted him to be into boxing instead)#and so i was thinking about all that and in listing the plato thing and the boxing match thing. i thought about jesus and how like the chr#istian bible descibes him as gentle and kind and patient and whatnot. and how he fits into that list and like obviously one assumes he is a#role model for mulcahy. lol. but the show doesnt really go there bc thats just not the tone its not what the show is#(not complaining about that it would most likely be done sooo obnoxiously and like its literally not what i want to see on tv)#and then i was wondering about when his religion became really important for him. like given what he seems to feel about his family#and how much he doesnt talk about them. i would assume its a connection he more or less found/established as independent from them#which leads me to think of it as either something he got into later or something which was a refuge for him as a kid.#and like ive thought before about how the things he mentions in heroes Dont have to do with catholicism. and maybe thats just bc it wasn't#part of the story. or maybe its because he just wasnt really looking there for guidance and hope at that point#anyway i dont have answers to any of these questions i was simply turning them over in my head like smooth pebbles in my mouth#me.txt#mashposting#oh i got soo distracted here but ALSO the reason i was thinking about it when i made thsi post is bc i was wondering what stained glass he#likes Lol#for potential use in a joke post i might make
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whomturgled · 1 year
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i have so many feelings and i hate it
#and regrets of any time ive acted up or feel like in hindsight it wasnt cherishing the time i have w them as i shld be and#and things i want to do with them still and ways to love them and be loved and understand their way of loving and#i think we can be so good together and. i miss them. and i hope they miss me.#i really hope theyll miss me soon and want me again and . ik its maybe a little messed up but i want to believe and trust and#its hard and it hurts but. i really feel theres a great connection and if i need to chill out a bit and remember myself more thats fine#and on me for getting so like. moody recently. altho i kinda feel like part of that is med changes but u__u still i need to be able to like#be better and i think they make me better and so happy and. im so comfortable with them and i love them and i wld want to make it work#even if it had to be distance but i dont think i want to just be their friend like maybe but it would hurt a lot bc i love them so much#and i hope they wanna be with me too still and will allow me to romance them yknow flowers and adventures and love and take care and... yea#and maybe some of this was just them going thru a lot rn and im sorry for adding pressure to it and i want to be the comfortable respite an#auurgrgghfhdhdhhfhfdhh i miss them#i just keep thinking abt them like ill have periods of not but then i do again and. idk.#theres also a lot of complicated feelings and thoughts and its like i want to like. idk. know some of their friends n stuff n. :^( idk#i dont feel well from the stress and emotions and ow of it all#i really hope it isnt just a way for them to let me down i really hope they come back eventually like i wanna believe they will but#ourgsghthfhdhfhghghdhdhwkelftk4bfbhwiwjtjejAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA#i love them a lot. and need to listen more abt more alone time stuff bc it is good for both of us but not like this u_u#ok sorry for rambling i needed somewhere to write feelings so here we are#i guess part of me is hoping theyre thinking abt me at least a bit and maybe will check this and see it and be like wow i do miss them too#but ik thats silly and eitth3u2ieigjtb4jirifjwji24jgntn aahhhhhhhhhhh. i say a lot of things wrong esp when scared or overly emotional and.#urgevshehrhtjrjeitjtnjeeitjtjwjeiigvjiw9384847rhfbwjoe4j4n4j289djrnrnf#i just really really hope they come back soonish and like want me and are like yes i do want you sorry for that but not a huge sorry bc#like i understand where theyre coming from and. and. yeah. idk. soon doesnt have to be today or tomorrow but maybe a week or 2 idk#i just realy miss them and it hurts and i really dont want them with someone else or to just throw it all away andni want to prove i can#like. idk. love them and be better and more positive i guess we've both been dealing w a lot of stuff and i do need to learn to accept and#more patient w how we communicate differently and we do have to face that but its a difficult topic to confront ig and aurh4hwhshhrlffff#i think they love me i want to trust and i really hope they dont try to make any decisions for me or like based on what they think best 4 m#bc i get to decide that :^(#when i said let down i meant like. leave my life and never talk to me again and stuff.. ;^(. idk how to feel abt some things but. idk. idk.#theres so many feelings and that all is just a pretty vague tip of the iceberg ugh
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gaystardykeco · 1 year
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not ready to go back to work tomorrow but luckily im so not ready that my brain isn't letting it fully process and so im just kind of numb except for little moments when the panic breaks through again
#feeling more and more like a robot and less and less like a person the emptier my life gets#the future is so empty like its just work and isolation forever#i have one thing left at the end of this week and then after that its just work and family and alone#and i think numbing out completely is really the only way ill be able to cope at all#i didnt used to really be able to do that but maybe now im to the point where i just have to so its become an option#idk i also might just be lying to myself and be about to get hit really hard with how bad this all is tomorrow#job interview friday. but plausibly i dont think i can take the job even if i get it bc i just dont think i can move to nyc#i just feel like ive hit a dead end#like i was a side character in someone elses story and that person has moved on so im just like floating in stasis#bc my part of the story is over i wrote myself out of their lives so i don't really exist anymore#idk my brain is telling me all these things that i know are silly but feel so true and i just am tired and empty#sorry to be dramatic and complain again just dreading work so bad#i just dont see any path forward thats not this forever loop like i cant make or have real connections with other ppl#and thats whats supposed to make a life real and worth living#but ive never had the capacity to connect right and ive never had passion for anything and ive never been able to really love and be loved#and i dont know how to fix any of it bc honestly i dont think any of its fixable#ill always be an emotionally harmful drain on anyone i think i love and ill always be left when they realize that#and then ive just hurt another person and i dont want to be a person that just hurts people so i cant be around people anymore#but its so empty and its so lonely and i hate myself so fucking much#anyway. i sound like a pathetic whiny teenager lmao sorry i know how stupid it all is i promise
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clovisbrayai · 2 years
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mfw im almost certainly correct about the witness being made of the souls of everyone who ever died (by its hand(s)?)
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autisticlee · 2 months
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I don't understand why so many religious weirdos claim dinosaurs never existed and the bones/fossils dug out of the ground were buried under rock by scientists and then dug back out. it makes no sense at all. does their religion book tell them they were fake? is that what it is? because they seem to love letting some old mistranslated book dictate their entire life, thoughts, feelings, actions, etc. they even make up stuff the book supposedly says to excuse their behavior and justify horrible things, which makes them hypocrites for not actually following their book they claim tells them exactly how to live their lives that they must follow exactly or they will go to hell. but they sure like to pick and choose what they follow and make up new rules. but anyway, why do they hate dinosaurs lmao
#rhetorical question. i dont actually care about their weird excuses. i know its probably weird anti evolution nonsense again#it's more of a why do they have the audacity to hate and deny dinosaurs and make up such ridiculous nonsense thats more unbelievable!#also by “religious weirdos” i mean mostly christians. its where i mostly see/hear this rhetoric. and the christian umbrella is large#but im sure other non christian religions have some book they follow that says dinos are fake or something so its#about them too#lee rambles#religion#people can believe in religion all they want if they arent harming others or forcing it on others#but i also think they shouldnt be allowed to deny reality and truth. some of them believe absolute fantasy and deny reality. its sad#and they often are the ones forcing it on others and harming others. because theyre so removed from reality they think#reality is an attack on their beliefs and think their beliefs are their life so they think we are trying to take their lives???? idk#do your thing but stop denying reality even if it contradicts your religion stuff. learn the difference between metaphors for#your religion and reality. maybe the book is fantasy that tells you stories with a moral lesson and arent meant to be taken literally#maybe they were never meant to replace reality and be seen as a real thing that happened#but no one who follows religion closely wants to criticize it by questioning things with logic#i guess it doesnt help we are taught to NOT question things of you go to hell. but i questioned anyway because my life is alreadg hell#and im doing way better now that i realized reality is better than a religion about sky daddy and his magic son#and following some outdated book about stuff that doesnt translate well to english or reality.#i rather feel like everything has its own energy/soul and we are all connected to the earth energy and a part of it because it feels nice#but i dont have to deny reality and force thst on others. you can think or do a thing that makes you feel better#but do it without denying reality or treating science and facts like an enemy religion or an opponent to take down#ah i could go on but this is getting long and rambly and off topic from main original topic. have many feelings about this#im glad at least my shoer religious family arent dino deniers. i grew up loving dinos so much and they let me love them#super* what is shoer 🤣
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