#but if im not paying attention or i'm w ppl or i'm trying to eat quickly before leaving or something it sometimes doesn't even occur to me

[k9-ribs]

INTRODUCTION

I'm not good with introductions so dont expect alot from this.

⚠️⚠️KEEP IN MIND I AM A MINOR, THIS PAGE WAS MADE FOR ME TO VENT, I ALSO POST (mild) SELF HARM PHOTOS SO DONT WHINE WHEN YOU IGNORE THE WARNINGS AND GET TRIGGERED⚠️⚠️

I go by three names - Kyran, Glory or my irl/deadname - i dont have a preference. I use any pronouns, I couldnt care less as to whether you call me he, she or they but I prefer those as to things like it/its and whatnot. I'm bisexual but not really interested in relationships anyways so I dont pay any attention to my sexual orientation. I am English (DNI Americans /j). I am struggling with my mental health (ED + SH mainly, i also have ASD and suspected type 1 bipolar) so I dont want to hear anything like 'get over it' or 'its not that bad', these may impact my recovery process negatively, but support is appreciated. I will try and return the favor if i feel it is necessary.

DNI - Normal DNI criteria (homophobes, pedos, etc), those who fake disorders/MH issues, anyone forcing/pushing recovery, anything like that

LIKES/INTERESTS - drawing/art, music, outdoors, pink and red, energy drinks, perfume, sleeping, COD, amnesia: the bunker, the army/forces + cadets, adrenaline, wall decor, my cat, organisation, physical touch (w/ certain ppl)

DISLIKES - social settings, loud noises, people, binge eating, school, hospital, messing up art, bad hair days, relationships/dating, manipulators, etc.

Not quite sure what else to put, i can link some of my socials like my Disc or Pinterest (TikTok is private but i have an alt, however i am not active on that acc, im pretty sure im logged out of my alt anyways) if anyone would like to vent or just be friends.

Have a great day, remember that your not worthless and it'll get better one day, recovery is a long process so be patient. I know it seems like it'll never happen, but i promise one day things will change. ❤️

[imy2]

again w notes

3-6 ok ngl s3 so far has been mid.. i think i'm paying attention less.. high10k was funny•

3-7 murphy looks cool this ep.. •

"it's weird." "how?" "well - everybody likes him." ..... "that's f'd up." •

hector looks cute this ep, so does kaskae ... also kaya :-) •

"fear no more" on van w 'fear' repeating on speaker n 'fear' on back was a cool bit .. •

i meant to note it then(2-6) but didnt so will now bc theyre going to her.. when murphy left lucy, just no one questioned it.. they rly thought he killed her ? interesting. . •

the man watching murphy eat this brain rn feels sexual .. lmfaoo then he puts a gun to him •

operation bite-mark need a spark, did u carry on need to hear ur call we've been gone - you've been gone too long c-z wannabe, that's me i need to see murphy talk to me - please don't freeze on my knees beggin hear my plea whoo! • ready? i'm kaya on the wire can't get by ya, why ya try it ain't a liar, mama mercy is my business and my business is on fire still alive at the northern lights we had a fright but we alright we ok, we hold tight every day, day by day x5 day by day • kaya in the sky-a B)

lol the man leaving his hand w his middle finger up for murphy•

3-8 sketchy n skeezy r baack .. tbh they r worse than i rmbr .•

"lost causes are worth dying for! yeaahh, wooo!" my lovr (inmydreamsofc)•

"fear turns us into monsters; no less violent than the enders and no more alive than the z's." •

"who won the election anyway?" "everyone wrote in the same thing.. 'that weed doctor'" •

3-9 i forgot abt vasquez... ahh damn... well hi n bye vasquez :/ .... i feel like if roberta warren n teresa mendoza could team up, in either of their worlds.. pheww ... o hi lucy .. wth's happenin w hector •

3-10 murphy -_- 10k :(.. here we go w lucy.. doc looked cute this ep•

3-11 doc at the table ... •

oh hell no..

•

3-12 perhaps murphys best look.. damn he changes sm.. lets see 1. s1e1-4, skin - white, hair - br/shaggy . 3/5 2. s1e5-12, skin - white, hair - bald 2/5 3. s1e12-s2e12, skin - blue, hair - br/buzzed 2/5 4. flashback s2ep14, skin - white, hair - br/fancy? 3/5 5. s2e13 - s3e6, skin - blue, hair - bl/shaggy 3.5/5 6. s3e7-s3e11, skin - blue+white, hair - bl/shaggy 4/5 7. s3e12-?, skin - lavender?+blue, hair - wh/fancy 5/5•

ahhhh murphy n warren purpleroom scene... the tension, the looks! ooo when warren pulls out the brain n looks at him like :/ •

lol 10k n red r cute but sun mei bein completely over them is funnier •

"you dont understand." "if i did, i'd kill myself." ooof. .... "you know what they'll do to us." "i know." "we need you. - help me, warren." n warrens facee :') •

•^i need to rewatch killing eve.... n mayb the 100 but idk abt that.. but gahh enemies to/and(lol) lovers •

3-13 lucy ep, fun.. doc n addy at end were cute•

3-14 man ending the season w not 1 but 4 ppl jumpin off a cliff + 2 ppl shot. incredible •

• overall .... 2.5 .. not my fav apparently •

4-1 "2 yrs later, things have gotten worse" then showing warrens helldream, so funny •

intro - bulletbulletbigbullet.. •

aww warren n murphy this ep r so cute •

4-2 addy n 10k bullet moment, cool ... hi sarge •

4-3 "no one said anything about frickin canada!" "you got a problem with canada?" "yeah i do it's far" murphyagain •

4-4 "well if you're going im going. idk what's going on in that head of urs but i'm gonna throw a little faith ur way." murphy n warren 🤝•

4-5 warren n this elevator is reminding me of beef.. man that still is one of the most surprising n disturbing scenes ever .. i think beef was the best show i seen in 2023.. outta 66 •

10k "i love dog food! puppy chow's my stuff, man!" sarge waking up - "we saved u some puppy chow" "oh! *eats it quick* *notices bird w her* bird? bird. bird! i found a bird! *shoves fist w bird in air* it was alive when i got it." doc n murphy n warren "hey, let me see that." .... "murphy?" "hmm?" "did you eat the bird?" "*coughs feathers* no." "never mind that." lmaoo one of the funniest scenes •

"well now what are we gonna do?" "i don't know abt u but i'm just gonna curl up and die." doc lmao •

"what is our fate?" .. "i'm not sure. i just feel it. it's like i felt the first time i laid eyes on you, murphy. i didn't know the how, why, or any of the what was coming next. the second i saw you i knew my job in life was to get you wherever the hell you were going." "..when you put it that way." warren n murphyyy •

4-6 sarge is so pretty ugh, warren ofc is gorgeous .. aww lucy :( ughh murphy n warren </333 "goodbye july, hate to see u go - so fast that i got a bloody nose" •

4-7 warren n murphy getting pissed for each other.. warren when theyre zapping murphy 2x, murphy "you son of a bitch, i'm gonna beat you til the clown meat shows" •

4-8 awww kaya n jz :') nana tooo.. •

warren n murphy being in mindscape together but her seeing dreamhell n him seein a nice field , til he burns "i felt it - what she's feeling. it's excruciating." n them lookin at each other ....... •

"you think this will be over? i call that faith." "nah, that's just basic survival. you gotta believe this will end, right? if you don't - hug a zombie." pftt •

4-9 awww kaya n cz n jz :') •

[lesbeet]

idk if anyone else does this but i love this thing i do that i'm now calling "autistic food math" where i take the childhood trick of eating the vegetables first to get them out of the way to its logical extreme, wherein i calculate the exact order to eat what's on my plate in order to return maximum sensory enjoyment and minimize sensory overload

example: i ordered sushi, which is one of my favorite foods, and i love opening the container and counting up how many i have of each roll so i can make a plan for the order i'll use to alternate them, and i need to take into account what's in each roll and what it's topped with to make sure i don't have too many similar flavors next to each other, or if one is spicier than others it can't go last or the spice will linger too long and it'll hurt, and usually i'll do it in order from least favorite to most favorite (even though i love all of them or i wouldn't have ordered them lmao) so my last bite is always the best one

this power can also be used for evil when i'm in a pattern of disordered eating, but at its best it's like beta testing the meal before i actually eat it sbsjskakssk

[luvdsc]

hey there bub! i was going thru ur masterlist and i saw in the "about" section that u made eye contact with taemin OMG how did that go AAAAA u got to make eye contact with THE lee taemin? soo lucky :") i bet this happened prob awhile back but how was the superm concert? i'm sure it was amazing n so much fun AAAAA sadly they didn't go here in my city :( but i was able to see NCT dream live during their dream show tour and i tell you WHEW GOSH those boys are so ethereal??? like they look so good in vids and in pics but they're 1000000x better in person??? like pictures don't do their beauty justice?? gosh i could write a full on essay abt this. until now i still cant believe i got to see the dreamies live?? its feels so surreal like a dream, its crazy. i remember the lights dimming and 'dear dream' started playing in the background and i just lost it lol i was shaking and bawling my eyes out n the show hasn't even started yet djkfkjn i first noticed jisung n when i saw him the first thing that popped in my mind was: "he is SO tall and he's soso cute dear lord :")" and the way he dances, a frickin dance king?? he's rlly such a born performer. AND OHMYGOD JENO, the man is rlly WOW, ngl he kinda looks intimidating with his sharp features and smooth dance moves but his eye smiles make my heart mELT. i remember during the encore stage, the show was about to end and the boys were saying goodbye to us, jeno's face was showed on screen, he was tryna eat the confetti LMAO. renjun,, i will never shutup abt this but renjun is confirmed to be a FAIRY!! the prettiest boy :") #RENJUNFAIRYAGENDA he has such sharp yet delicate features and his aura is just so warm n comforting like he just captivates u n lures u in, and when he sings, like u can feel the emotion, hes so talented. all throughout the show, hyuck was just GLOWING (lives up to his name, fullsun uwu) . he's soso pretty n he's my bias so i literally was just in awe when i saw him, i was speechless :') he was rlly entertaining to watch n he was also so attentive to the crowd esp when he saw some ppl that got hurt, he kept telling us to move back a little. OMG HOW COULD I FORGET NANA, jaemin was soo sweet n charming and the way his eyes lit up whenever he looks at the crowd gosh my heart was abt to burst he rlly adores czennies :") jskfvkds hes also super tall lmao hyuck was tryna lift his shirt up tho and of course chenle, ngl but all throughout the concert, my eyes just keep coming back to chenle. out of all the dreamies, he caught my eye the most. like,, THE POWER THIS MAN HOLDS IS CRAZY?? THIS MAN DIDNOT COME TO PLAY!! his stage presence is crazyy ohgod esp during 119 performance, and he looks like a prince in real life. he also played the piano and i remember everyone was just in awe as he played like the whole crowd had heart eyes for him. it was such a fun n amazing experience, the boys were so amazing n talented, they rlly know how to put on such a great show. they work tirelessly n they're so good, like their voices and dance moves, srsly amazing :") ++ it so memorable cus it was my first kpop concert hehe. buying tickets were such a pain in the ass ngl it was so stressful but SO worth it 🥺 i knew jisung was tall but i didnt know he was THAT tall, idk if im just small but they all rlly look so tall JKDFSDJVFF sadly mark wasnt there :( sorry if i made this long, i just got excited and i thought it'd be nice to share my concert experience w/ u as well hehe 😅 i hope you're doing great bub!! <3

- 🐼 anon

omg hi yes, i was lucky enough to score tickets to see superm last year, and i was right up against the main stage railing !!! 🤩 so ten made eye contact and smiled at me, baekhyun also made eye contact and smiled and waved at me (he’s my exo bias and i was like the heart clutching meme when he did that), i yelled “you’re doing great sweetie” when taeyong took a pause during commentary time and he said thank you 🤧, and god taem looked at me for a good 20 seconds smiling at me and i couldn’t handle it and had to blink and look away and he laughed at me 😔 akslhflakshdfla but oh my god, lucas is so goddamn attractive irl it’s insane, and ten is sooo so pretty like i didn’t even pay attention to what they were saying during the commentary time sometimes i was just staring at ten who was in front of me and i was the starry eyed emoji (baek and ten were right in front of me, lucas was next to them), and pictures don’t do taeyong justice at all like that man is absolutely ethereal ✨✨  also!!!!! seeing ten perform his solos, hearing taeyong and mark rap irl and of course BASS GO BOOM BY LUCAS BECAME MY ABSOLUTE FAVORITE WHEN ARE THEY RELEASING THAT SONG??? and i was in tears when taemin performed right in front of me like 16 year old me would be shaking in her boots if she knew she would see god taem in the flesh. actually current me was shaking askdjfhalksjdf i cherish all the videos i took so much (i accidentally deleted the entire jopping video except the mark rap part when i was trying to snip it to post to my insta story and cried rip 😭😭)

YOU GOT TO SEE THE DREAMIES IRL OH MY GOD I’M SO JEALOUS 😭😭 I WANNA SEE THEM PERFORM SO BAD!!! i keep rereading your entire experience and i’m living vicariously through you now aklshdflakjsdhfda oh my god, i wanna see jisung and fairy prince renjun perform live so bad 😭 i got to see hyuck perform three times now with 127, and he’s absolutely amazing, i couldn’t stop watching him dance like he’s my number one favorite performer in nct and the way he dances is heavenly and wonderful and his voice is insane 💖 he truly was born to be an idol 🤧💞💞 i want to write a proper response to each of your description of the dreamies but right now i’m just like no thoughts head empty just heart eyes for every single one of those boys 🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸 aaaa thank you for describing them all, angel, i’ll keep this in mind as i write fics :’) omg and this was your first kpop experience???? you’re so lucky!!!! 💓 also i feel with the buying tickets omg i always have to get up early and keep refreshing on every device to get decent tickets and it’s so stressful askljdfhaksd but it definitely is so worth it in the end! my only regret is opting out of seeing skz last year and going to a party instead rip and omg no need to apologize!!! it’s really fun to hear about your concert experiences, sweetpea!!! 💞 thank you for taking the time to share that with me 💘  i’m doing wonderful and enjoying my weekend, and i hope you’re having a good weekend and doing well also, angel 🐝💛✨

[childhoodgrave]

I'm starting 2 play pathologic but I'm scared any tips for how to make the start of the game less impossibly heavy and mortifying (I accidentally started a fight got scared and restarted my game)

HI im typing on  my computer this time bc i wrote likean essay long response to this and tumblr crashed instead of saving this also adding a readmore bc this will get long im sorry.. but thank u so much for sending me this ask i am so excited u r playing pathologic first of all!! i will format this in a numbered list so its a bit easier 2 read...

1. im assuming the fight u started was with the ppl loitering in evas garden, right? this is a v common problem new players face and an intentional obstacle left by the devs to teach u tht u shld avoid confrontation and fighting at all costs when u can help it. the fighting system in this game is intentionally difficult and u will usually die if u get into a fight if u dont have a gun. just leave the guys alone and let them stay and u will be fine. there arent any consequences to this so dont worry!!

2. starting and then restarting the game a few times when ur getting into it is very normal so dnt worry abt that!!! i had to restart my save like 3 times before i got the hang of things, so dont be discouraged. tht being said the game isnt for everyone so if u just consistently are not having fun w it dont force urself to play it!!

3. check out the settings page where it lists all the controls for the game, bc it will show you some mechanics the game nevr tells you about. use Q to open up your quest menu which will show you your overall goal, main quest, and sidequests. the main quest MUST be completed by the end of each day or there will be ingame consequences, so be careful. sidequests are less dire. 

the I key opens up ur inventory!! 

you press E to talk to people

the P key opens up ur status menu iirc. be sure to keep track of that too, but statuses will also pop up in the corner of ur screen when they get actually dire, too, so if u dont check it u wont be completely clueless dw!!

the L key opens up your letters menu. u will get letters from different ppl throughout each day and usually they pertain to the main quest at hand or a sidequest you can do so that you know what youre supposed to be doing each day. whenever you get a letter a spinning icon will pop up in the corner of the screen and the sound of a paper flipping will play, but the game never actually tells u abt it which is a big design flaw on its part.

4. pay attention to the time!! esc or q will pause ur game and pause the flow of time, but opening ur inventory wont. time is a super important aspect of the game so just watch out 4 that.

5. spend all your money on food on day 1. dont bother with eggs or lemons so much as meat, bread, fish, vegetables, and milk to a lesser extent. its important u do this on day 1 for reasons u will find out later.

dont worry abt keeping ur hunger meter completely low tho!! make sure it doesnt max out, but dont try to keep it empty, ull waste food very quickly that way and its a very important resource.

theres also an area in the game near where u start out that has some milk left out near a statue of a woman that you can pick up. raising ur fists in game will make a little dot appear to help you aim for things, and i always use that to focus on what i want to pick up because it can be very difficult otherwise. heres the area im talking about

6. check ur map frequently whenever ur going anywhere!!!! the layout of the town is intentionally confusing and u will get lost without ur map, esp because it shows u quest markers of wherever u need to go. 

the walking in this game is also very slow and tedious. u get used to it but it is a feature of the game so just keep that in mind.

i used this map to keep track of where all the shops in town are because its a bit difficult to tell otherwise and can save time if u need to get stuff (like food and medicine. dont bother with clothes bc theyre honestly useless but clothing stores do sell needles which you should collect for bartering.)

7. bartering is a BIG system in the game and its actually what you use to get a lot of the items youll need. you can barter with pretty much every random npc you see in town, just press E to talk to them! different people will trade for different things and find value in different items, so just pay attention to that! 

look in trash cans and bins located around the town to find useful things you can barter or use yourself, like water bottles. id recommend especially saving items that children will trade for like jewelry, flowers, needles, hooks, sharp objects (like knives and switchblades), and nuts. dont eat the nuts, trade them with children.

8. one child in particular will have an item called “schmowder” on her occasionally. theyre important for reasons that you find out in game later. if she has a schmowder, trade for it, and save it. it costs a lot so save up things this child will trade for. dont use schmowders on yourself, save them for later. the child looks like this.

unrelated but i just think this girls design is sweet. i like her dress :)

9. sometimes characters will give you items for quests. if your inventory is full, the item will drop to the ground in a bag with a thud. watch out for this and be sure to check your inventory and the ground to make sure you actually have the item you need to do a quest.

10. quests can be confusing sometimes, and if u ever feel lost i recommend checking the pathologic wiki for “the bachelor’s route” to find a guide about each quest that happens each day. OR you can just dm me and i can help u if u dont want to risk being spoiled!!! i dont know everything but if i dont know the answer i can just look it up for you since i already know the story of the game.

11. dialogue can also be confusing sometimes, so choose what you say carefully! dialogue trees that you can go back to are usually rare and dont actually happen that much. the dialogue system is also intentionally confusing and tricky. dont be afraid to reload a save file if you want to learn more or see what other dialogue options would have got you.

and thats all i can think of right now??? im sorry this is a lot, i promise the game isnt actually that difficult once you get used to it!!! its just a matter of getting used to the mechanics. lmk if u ever need any help at all :D

[menalez]

(tw eating disorders!) do you know any good tips on getting rid of immense body hate? i hate my body so much and it has hindered me from doing a lot things like spending time with family and friends, going outside, bathing in summer, being intimate with my partner and so on. i want to exercise but i get full blown panic attack when i try and then if i actually manage to do it i'm so tired i sleep the rest of the day. i also have very bad ibs which has made my relationship to food even worse since no mattee what i eat i bloat, get cramps/gas, feel sick and nauseous and nothing tastes good, and no doctor takes me seriously, they just see a fat lazy girl... i don't know what to do, and knowing i'm a bad feminist because all i want is to be skinny is making this even worse😞 sorry to bother you, and if this is triggering just delete it, i totally understand♥️

i think im not the best person to ask about this as i don't have many tips and i don't deal with IBS so my help in that regard would be limited. ill try anyways and hopefully people who are better qualified can jump in and provide better advice.

with the exercise, maybe start off small. try to pay attention to your thoughts and figure out why exactly exercise leads you to experiencing panic attacks. set very small and achievable goals, something that isn't scary and no big deal to you. then slowly work your way up. i like to just do those quick ab workouts on youtube and keep doing them until i feel like it has gotten easy, then trying something else. it's not necessarily the best for changing my body, but it helps me in other ways. this can also help you build up your stamina and your confidence while not pushing you too hard. personally, i felt that exercising did improve my confidence in my own body. even if my body didn't change much, i felt good about myself and felt like i was being productive and helping myself.

looking into IBS, i saw sites say that exercise can also help you with managing your symptoms. cutting out dairy, having good quality sleep, high-fiber foods, among other things also seem to help. maybe having smaller meals but eating more frequently will help make eating food more manageable and enjoyable to you? again, don't know much about this so take what i say on that w a grain of salt. im sure theres ppl w IBS on here that do offer advice and support, they may be more helpful in that regard.

i know this is also easier said than done-- but try to focus on your health over your weight. for example, think of working out as a means to achieve comfort with your body and improve your health, rather than as a means to become skinny. focusing on weight loss can lead to unhealthy habits and fixations on things that will ultimately make you stress more and help you less. think about how you could reduce the symptoms you experience with IBS (which can cause bloating and other things which can affect how your body looks; so pay attention to what you eat and how your body reacts to it so u know what to cut out) and analyse where these fears and anxieties you have come from. the more you understand yourself, the easier it is to address the problem.

also tbh this might not be relevant to you but personally, when i go on instagram and see all those perfect models without any of the things most women's bodies have, i end up feeling shit about myself and my body and wanting to hide myself. so i'd strongly recommend avoiding such things, as well as avoiding pro-ana stuff or consuming things which emphasise skinny-ness or unrealistic ideals. and avoid comparing your body to others as much as you possibly can. other people have different metabolisms, genetics, their health varies, their body type is different, etc so comparing yourself to them won't be particularly productive.

thats all i can think of, im sorry if i wasnt able to help much but i hope i at least told u Something which can be of use to u :(( i'm sorry you're going through this, its really difficult to deal with body dysmorphia.

[angelblumes]

God for real, I have no idea what to say to anything to anybody talking abt my mental health like honestly I do try to be the most honest with my therapist because I dont really talk to any1 else irl abt it but you think I know words for how I feel? no. I do feel like a goldfish. I forget everything I've ever felt when I walk into the building. Thanx 4 the good luck tho 😊❤ I also had a little moment rsd when I asked my dad something and he didn't take it seriously so I did cry, salads are really the worst thing to accidentally forget abt/ something bad happen to it😢 😐 😑 I dont even care if you talk abt hannibal, its fine! I understand! I feel like I complain abt bugs almost everytime, but 😑 I got paranoid because a flying big ass beetle was on the ceiling of my porch? And i was 👀 so I wasn't paying attention when another 1 got all up in my face. I stg it made me mad cuz wth why are bugs like that? I had some watermelon w/ brown sugar and white sugar 😌 also some taco bell 4 dinner. I did write inside of my little diary tho 😁 also im sure ur therapist didn't want to kill u 🤣 We are the same person 💗 I also therapize myself , but its just me being emotional/mentally ill and then me trying to talk myself into being logical abt it. Sometimes I feel like I dont be mentally ill and different and im normal, but once I'm around other ppl im like oh ! yea I got problems and everyone can clearly see that and 😬 I still gotta work on it. Not to say I look bad or anything, I just can't put on a normal ppl mask you know? OK good night this was also very long and rambly and all over but✌❤

UR THE BEST EVER. have i said that? its so true. the salad didnt even go bad!!!! i will eat the rest of it today hopefully! and dw i hate bugs like i totally get it😭😭 umm.. i dreamt abt captain america and the winter soldier HELP. we were like besties... idk the only thing i really remember is that they were both hilarious like the whole dream is just me laughing then stopping and then laughing again. there was other stuff but i forgot it obv. i watched a hannibal amv and the song was "take me to church" haha but it showed scenes from the last eps and i forgot i havent seen most of the last season.... like i dont think u mind but spoilers!!^__^ abigail dies and i stopped watching for like 6 months bc of that. i had to rewatch the ep too bc i didnt know exactly where i left off. which is good cuz i did miss a few important minutes at the end but i did break down and sob again. they took hannibal off netflix too so i had to watch it on effing HULU. i despise hulu. the ads are ridiculous im already paying y'all just give me the show! i brought that up bc umm... i cant believe i just QUIT season 3? its so good like i skipped around eps bc i rlly already know what happens but i will watch it all the ads r just impossible. anyway my friend just SCOLDED? ME? for eating a banana too slow????? my rsd barely like bothers me w her bc i just get pissed off like she does this stuff sometimes and it always is ridiculous. "we dont want to get gnats" by me taking a few minutes to eat a god damn banana?😐urgh. i had an awful panic attack bc my allergies are so bad i cant rlly breathe thru my nose right. n i was brushing my teeth and trying to breathe thru my mouth. n i couldn't. i have asthma btw so i was lile oh god this is some extreme asthma attack and im going to die. i did not die. i hate panic attacks like i nvr know its happening in the moment and it makes it worse. n normal ppl masks... SO RELATABLE! anyway um i dont feel like counting all whatever i said so i'll say one thing more. i brought up the hannibal here bc not bc of THAT amv but the one to hoodoo by muse😭 muse is.. big right? i really feel like i live under a rock and i've never been outside. i don't know how i'm supposed to know this stuff. anyway oh em gee. its soooo good. the video. i mean the song is too. i hate amvs where they're like good but the music sucks. even if its good music if it just doesn't vibe then it sucks. anyway idk it totally wrecked me after like seeing abigail die AGAIN and then will saying "i forgive you" and then hannibal walking away and then will n hannibal kill whatshisface together. i might just try to pirate hannibal only bc of hulu's 1-2 minute long adds every 10 minutes. i dont have that kind of patience. i'm always long and rambly do not worry❤️💗

[babiewonho]

Haechan cc Anon . I hope you can asnwer me here and if you don't want to keep the sort of out of context post on your blog, I'll screenshot it so u can delete it the next day (I'm going to sleep). Thanks a lot, take good care

okay sorry take TWO…it took me a few days to get back to this bc it sapped so much energy when i typed out my first reply and then it got deleted + i have been adjusting to spring semester but i have some time now @.@ so first of all intuition wise i do not feel like he is in Danger or deeply upset. if that means anything depends completely on if u care about/trust in that sort of thing but anyways…to put you at peace somewhat

i do feel like it’s unavoidable for idols to have disordered eating at the very least if they do not eds which can obviously sometimes happen and we have seen it unfortunately. 

for the dreamies they said their diets are more preventative than restrictive as in they try to Prevent weight gain instead of trying to lose it quickly by just making the right dietary choices. i do agree dh has lost a lot of weight over the years but at the same time i think he mostly carries weight in his face and this creates the illusion of a chubby/fatter body when actually he has always been fairly slim and probably looked bigger in part bc he seems to be one of the quicker-to-develop rookies like in group pics he is like 2nd to mark before they all caught up to him. i really think his cheeks fool people (not necessarily you) into thinking his whole body is soft and chubby when he’s always been average/slim and kids having fat is normal anyways.

i’m sure he has lost some weight lately bc he has been promoting so HARD and im sure that comes at a price of not having time to eat/not eating enough/forgoing eating to sleep etc + they are doing  SO MUCH PHYSICAL ACTIVITY and must be annihilating the calories they do consume. it seems almost impossible they’d have anything but a deficit and at least maintain their slim bodies

i do agree that articles abt appearances tend to glamorize unhealthy or impossible to maintain weights like w/ w*ndy…unfortunately this is equated with goodness and perfection…imo and i dont necessarily have proof of this, i feel like dh is just someone who is Hungrier than others and maybe it takes more food for him to feel satisfied or perhaps he isn’t Hungry but just loves food. i remember on a czennies wld like this too ep taeyong and taeil were talking abt how haechan like absolutely devoured some crab and other food and like went into a trance and definitely overate and regretted it meanwhile some ppl like renjun are naturally super slim and they admittedly dont eat as much bc they just dont feel like it/arent as hungry/food isnt as appealing to them as others. i think that’s kind of the case with dh and think he has to diet harder than the others to compensate for that tendency to binge or just overeat carelessly (which is concerning and disordered but i feel like all idol’s diets are and that is just an unfortunate thing about the industry) but at the same time i do feel like some idols eat fairly normally?? even chenle seems to just eat the way he wants and doesnt seem very unhappy, but then again i am only on the outside

as for his weight gain it definitely makes sense bc his mom has been cooking him a lot of food/probably got concerned at his skinny idol appearance/hc has lost the ability to exercise to burn off excess calories he may be consuming. it’s the perfect equation for weight gain. i think bc of his health issue they will try to ease him back into it. i genuinely do think that and i think he will go on a diet to prepare but there’s just no way they can make him lose it all at once when he will be slowly regaining mobility anyways. it might even be the case that when he is removed from that environment where he is probably being lovingly encouraged to overeat and rest that the weight will come off on its own as he stops eating in excess and returns to a more normal portion size, at least returns to his body’s comfortable weight. at the very least it’s a good thing he got to be well nourished in this time and relax!

i understand that it feels like there is a lot of fixation on his body. personally i feel like a big part of this is bc actually a lot of dh stans like to victimize him and while i am not saying that nothing bad ever happens to him or they’re being unreasonable i think when you see so many people talking abt injustices that may or may not be ACTUALLY happening it is hard not to be concerned. i have heard ppl propose that he has an ed like hundreds of times and that’s why i pay close attention to him, but it’s hard to determine what is overly worrying and what is just like…the standard disordered eating of an idol. as someone with an ed myself he doesn’t raise any HUGE red flags for me even though i do and always will keep an eye on him esp bc he is so young. i think he is mostly okay for now genuinely.

we cannot control the future or even know for sure of course but i hope we can both just take comfort in the fact that at present he is sitting at home eating yummy food and being with his family and gaming