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tokkiwrites · 4 months

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ᘓ ♡‌ ꣒ ׄ ONE SHOT, NO LIME. ⏜ 🍋‍🟩 ◌

a Santiago 'Pope' Garcia x f!reader fic

summary: A group of (very attractive) men walks into the small bar where you work as a bartender. One of them, in particular, has caught your eye, and it seems like he's noticed you too.

tags: pwp, one night stand (but they live happily ever after in my mind!!!), afab/f! reader, dom Santiago but also soft kind of, sir kink (muehehhehe >:] ) he kind of likes to be worshiped ig, p in v unprotected ( you get a condom, theu get a condom, everyone gets condoms!!!! ), positions that idk the name of, Santiago manhandles reader, hair pulling, slapping, choking, head m and f receiving, throat fucking, pet names, creampie, Santiago is in love w reader by the end of it teehee. lmk if i missed anything!!

ㅤ↪ㅤtokki's ۫ 𐑺 𝚜𝚞ׂ𝚐𝚊𝚛 ࣭ note ˑ ⌕ ࣭ ּ ➭ is it obvious im obsessing over oscar isaac?!?! :D HAHA. I need a fix every day but im p sure i saw all the content about him available on this app. this has 3.5k words and is not proofread so if u see any weird spellings no u dont. OKAY ENJOY !!!

The dim lighting of the small bar casts a cozy, intimate glow over the room. The low hum of conversation mingles with the soft strains of a jazz band playing in the corner. Behind the bar, you expertly mix a cocktail, the clinking of ice and the swirl of liquid a familiar rhythm.The door swings open, and a group of five, very attractive men stride in, immediately drawing the attention of the patrons. They exude an easy confidence, their laughter and banter filling the space. As you look up, your eyes are drawn to one man in particular. He seems to be leading the rest, at least thats what his presence gives off, with a chiseled, bearded jaw, curly, dark hair and eyes that seem to scan the room with sharp, yet relaxed precision.He catches your gaze, and for a moment, the world narrows to just the two of you.

There's a spark, a silent acknowledgment that both of you feel the magnetic pull. He smiles, a slow, knowing curve of his lips, and you can't help but return it, feeling your heartbeat just a little faster.They make their way to the bar, and as he approaches, you can feel his eyes on you, a tangible presence even amidst the crowd. He leans on the counter, close enough that you catch a whiff of his cologne, something rich and woody. "Evening," he says, his voice smooth and warm. "What do you recommend."

You offer him a smile, feeling a rush of excitement at the chance to engage with him. "Depends on what you're in the mood for," you reply, your voice betraying a hint of playfulness. "Something strong and bold, like a whiskey sour, or perhaps something smoother, like a classic martini?" his gaze holds yours, a flicker of intrigue dancing in his eyes. "I'll trust your judgment," he says, his tone suggesting a willingness to let go of control, if only for a moment.

With a nod, you set to work, your mind racing with possibilities. As you craft their drinks, your fingers move with practiced precision, but your thoughts are elsewhere, caught up in the mystery of the man before you. The other men in the group engage in lively conversation, their laughter filling the air. your attention is focused solely on him, on the way his eyes crinkle at the corners when he smiles, on the way his presence fills the room with an undeniable energy.

You decide to play a little game of your own. While the others receive their beers and cocktails, you pour the mystery man one large shot of strong tequila, no lime, because he seems like the kind of guy who can handle it. As you slide the shot glass across the counter, your fingers brush against his ever so slightly, sending a thrill through you. He meets your gaze, a silent exchange passing between you."Cheers," he says, raising the glass in a toast with the rest.

As the one man you're interested in raises the shot glass to his lips, the atmosphere around the group shifts slightly. There's an air of camaraderie mixed with an underlying tension, as if they're carrying the weight of the world on their shoulders. "You know," one of the men says, his voice low but filled with determination, "we need to talk about the operation." The rest nod, setting the empty shot glass down with a decisive clink. "Agreed. It's time to finalize the plan." Their conversation drifts to murmurs, their voices lowering as they discuss the intricacies of their mission. They speak in coded language, mentioning names and locations that hint at the danger and complexity of their undertaking.

As you listen in, curiosity getting the better of you, you catch snippets of their conversation. They speak of distant lands and hidden treasures, of risks and rewards that seem almost too fantastical to be true.

But amidst the cloak-and-dagger talk, one name stands out: Pope. It's not mentioned in the same hushed tones as the others, but rather with a sense of respect and admiration."Pope, what do you think?" one of the men asks, turning to him for guidance. He meets their gaze, his expression unreadable. "We proceed as planned," he says, his voice steady and unwavering. "But we stay vigilant. We can't afford any slip-ups." somehow, despite the danger and uncertainty that surrounds them, you find yourself drawn to him even more.

A couple of hours pass by, filled with laughter, drinks, and shared stories. As the night wears on, the group begins to disperse, bidding their farewells and promising to meet again soon. The man you're interested in, whom you now know as "Pope," stays behind, offering to settle the tab.

"Is your name really Pope?" you ask, unable to resist the curiosity that has been gnawing at you all evening. He pauses, his brow furrowing slightly before a soft laugh escapes him. "Santiago," he says, his voice low but filled with warmth. "What?" you reply, caught off guard by the sudden revelation.

"My name," he repeats, his gaze steady as he meets your eyes. "It's Santiago."

The weight of his words hangs in the air between you, a silent acknowledgment of the connection that has been brewing all evening. You feel a rush of excitement mingled with apprehension, unsure of where this newfound knowledge will lead. "Santiago," you repeat, testing the sound of his name on your lips. It feels right, somehow, as if it belongs to him in a way that "Pope" never could.

He nods, a small smile playing at the corners of his lips as he slides a few bills onto the counter. "Santiago," he says again, his voice barely above a whisper this time. "What time do you get off work?" Santiago asks, his voice carrying a hint of intrigue. "Well, you guys were the only ones here since like 11 pm, so I'm supposed to close up in a few," you reply, a playful smirk tugging at the corners of your lips. "Why ask... Santiago?"

"Curious," he says simply, his eyes holding yours with an intensity that sends a shiver down your spine.

You can't help but feel a surge of excitement at his question, the implication hanging in the air between you. As you begin to tidy up the bar, Santiago lingers nearby, his presence a comforting presence in the otherwise empty room. As you lock up for the night, he falls into step beside you, the two of you walking side by side into the cool night air. The streets are quiet now, the bustle of the city having long since faded into the distance.

"So, Santiago," you say, breaking the comfortable silence that has settled between you, "what now?"

He looks at you, his expression unreadable for a moment before a smile quirks at the corners of his lips. "Now," he says, reaching out to take your hand in his, "I take you back to mine, have something to drink, maybeㅡ?" You stop in your tracks, and he leans in closer. "If I may."

Your heart races at his words, the anticipation building as he leans in closer, his warm breath tickling your ear. "If I may," he adds again, his voice low and husky, sending a shiver down your spine. You meet his gaze, your heart pounding in your chest as you search for any sign of hesitation in his eyes. But all you find is a quiet confidence, a sense of assurance that leaves you breathless.With a nod, you find yourself falling into step beside him once more, the electricity between you palpable in the air. As you walk together through the deserted streets, the world seems to fade away, leaving only the two of you in a bubble of anticipation and desire.

Finally, you arrive at his place, a small, unassuming apartment tucked away in the heart of the city. He leads you inside, and you can barely suck in a deep breath before his lips crash down onto yours with a hunger that takes you by surprise, making you fall like petals into his strong grasp.

Time seems to stand still as you lose yourself in the heat of the moment, his kiss igniting a fire within you that threatens to consume you whole. His hands move with purpose, exploring every inch of your body as if committing it to memory. You respond with equal fervor, your fingers tangling in his curly hair as you pull him closer, unable to get enough of the taste and feel of him. The world outside fades away, leaving only the two of you locked in a passionate embrace. As the kiss deepens, the desire between you intensifies, a primal need driving you closer together. In that moment, electricity that crackles between you like lightning in a storm.

And as you finally break apart, breathless and exhilarated, you realize that this is just the beginning, his eyes know flooded with a darkened haze and lust. "Do you know how much I had to hold back and not fuck you over that bar, in front of everyone?" he groans and you can only whimper shamefully as the thought of just that was a constant in your mind the whole night.

"God, you're so beautiful." Santiago groans, dragging his calloused thumb across the plush of your lips, the other hand tracing the curve of your hips. You gaze into his eyes, seeing a raw intensity that mirrors your own longing. With a harsh tug, he pulls you closer, his lips hungrily seeking yours again. His kiss wild and untamed, sweeping you away in a whirlwind of sensation. You respond with equal fervor, surrendering yourself to the pleasure of his touchㅡ every light one sending waves of ecstasy coursing through your whole being.

"How do you want it?" he pulls away, breathlessly, both palms now settled on the small of your back. "How do you want me to fuck you, baby?" The man asks, almost pleading, his tone low and grazing at the growing heat from your core. "Any way, justㅡ" you're short of breath "Please, I need you.." you shy your eyes away from his, but Santiago is quick with his grip, taking your face by squeezing both cheeks with one hand, forcing you to look back at him. "C'mon. Say that again." he teases, prompting you to speak again. "I need you.." you say again, a little louder.

"I'm gonna have so much fun with you, baby." a promise you'll come to find out he will deliver on. in no time you're naked, left only in your not so for the occasion panties, all though Santiago doesn't seem to mind, seeing as they're stained with a wet spot between your legs. He's slow, as he traces his fingers across your pebbled nipples, teeth grazing your neck as he whispers dirty nothings. In no time, you're on your knees in front of him, who was settled on the cushioned couch in the middle of the room. His pants were zipped down but not off yet, that was 'your job' as he put it. he asks you to call him 'sir', and you didn't even know you liked that so much until you felt how wet it got you when he made you say it.

"Dollface." Santiago taps your cheek. "Eyes up here. you want it, don't you?" and you nod your head eagerly, eyes already weepy. he coos, almost making fun of you, then grips your head by the hair. "Aren't you something. God, can't wait 'til I get to fuck this pretty face." he takes his time staring you down, making you understand how this was going to go and where your place was: at his feet. but you didn't mind that one bit.

"I don't have a problem with waiting, baby. We have all night. Maybe if you're good I'll give it to you tomorrow too." Santiago pushes your head towards his crotch and you obliged. "if you're good. can you do that for me, angel?"

"Yesㅡ" you agree, a tinge of shyness quivering into your voice. "Yes?" he quirks up an eyebrow, the pull on your hair, tightening."Yes, sir." You breathe out, mind already dizzy. "Good girl... You're gonna be so good to me, yeah?" and you mewl a soft 'yes, sir' at his request. the next thing he commands you to do is take off his pants along with his briefs, which you do, and you can't seem go get over the Goliath of a dick you had in front of you. It intimidated you, a visible thing to read on your face, eliciting a low chuckle from Santiago. "You scared, beautiful?" you can only muster a soft 'yes', provoking yet another harsh hair tug from him. "Good."

the first few strokes were slow, you shunned away for a bit but as you got into it, you could hear the plaintive moans that tumbled out of his mouth, instigating you to go a bit faster, your lips finally wrapping around his tip that as leaking precum all over your tongue, the bitter taste enveloping your papillae. cautiously, but surely, you sink your head down and start bobbing it. you weren't even halfway, yet the tip was hitting the back of your throat, which prompted Santiago to push your head further down, tears beading at the corner of your eyes. you gag and moan around his length as he shushes you like he didn't just impaled your throat with his dick. "Breathe, baby, breathe." he instructs, and you struggle for the first few seconds as he has your head fully pushed low.

you manage to get used to the feeling, all though difficult to do, you let him fuck into your throat as you breathe through your nose. your gags and wet noises filled the room as Santiago left out low moans and little praises for you to know you were doing well. make-up was smudged all over your face, cheeks red from his repeated slaps and drool dripping down your chin, your brows contorted into a pleading frownㅡ it was the most beautiful sight somebody has bestowed upon him. "Shit, you're so beautiful with my cock down your throat, angel. So hard not to come immediatelyㅡ" he admitted.

he pulls you away from his length and you gasp for air. your vision is fuzzy from the lack of air and tears. "Up. And bend over." in no time, you're bent over the armrest of the couch, ass up and face flush with the mattress. the cold air hits your clothed cunt and your knees still hurt. Santiago gets behind you, fingers hooking around the hem of your panties as he pulls them down to reveal the soaking mess you were. "This pussy is crying for me, huh?" he's cocky with the way he says it, two of his fingers gathering up the glistening liquid from your puffy lips, then bringing them to your mouth. "Be a doll." he's playing with you, but you? you do as you're told because he has you so drunk on him, in a way you've never felt before. you lick around his digits, tasting yourself and he delivers a proud slap to one of your asscheeks. "You pretty slut." back behind you, he crouches on one knee before drawing a long strip from your sensitive clit to your entrance with his tongue, the same two fingers you had licked, now slipping inside of you.

your back arches as a wave of pleasure breaks over your body like water on a shore. his licks are now concentrated on your bud, fingers quickening their pace as Santiago hums at your sweet taste. You moan and writhe, that familiar warm feeling building up inside of you again. but as soon as you soon were there he stopped. He stopped, pulling back to see the shaky, wet mess you were. "P-lease, sirㅡ"

he tuts, slapping your plush thighs. "You take what I give you. So don't get greedy. You're lucky if I'm gonna let you come at all right now." this pain that a sick pleasure envelopes you and you sit with your cunt exposed as you hear Santiago fumble the pockets of the pants he had you take off. 'condoms' he mumbled, as if he knew what you were thinking.

"I'm clean.." you manage a whisper. "And on birth control." he sighs in relief. "Good." you can feel he is less tense now, his presence still behind you. with no warning he flips you over, back on the couch and ass on the armrest, that had your legs settle around his hips with ease. "Spread 'em." so you do. you spread your legs as much as you can, giving him a full view. Santiago smiles, thumb back to rubbing circles onto your clit. "You're so beautiful." it was so sincere, so sweet you could almost taste it.

his gentle gaze soon got replaced by the hungry one he had all this night whilst staring you down. Finally, he aligns the tip of his shaft with your entrance and slowly pushes the tip in. Your breath got stuck into your throat, from the feeling laden with thornsㅡ every prick of discomfort is countered by an unexpected surge of delight. Your tears fall down onto the mattress under you, little moans gripping your throat as he slips inside further. "You're okay, baby, you're okay. C'monㅡ" he assures you, asking you to surrender. "Take it all- theere we go.." Santiago praises, lifting your hips a bit to get a better angle. He moves gently, each stroke hitting deeper within your core, the pain soon converging with ecstasy right as he alerts his movements.

you wrap your legs around him loosely but he takes you by your ankles and almost folds them over your stomach, providing him a better position to pound straight into you, hitting that sweet spot on and on. his hips dive down, one of his palms snaking up and wrapping itself tightly around your throat. your head was spinning, heart pounding, as his whole weight dominated over you. "That's it, baby, knew you could take it." his thrusts are rough, each hit making your body bounce, the urgency as he hit that very spot each timeㅡ your whole insides burning, too cock drunk to talk or respond, other than some pathetic whines that perfectly accompanied the wet sounds your pussy made wrapped around Santiago.

Feeling you tightening, the hand that was around your throat slips down to your clit, while the other makes you spread your legs wide again for easier access, giving you a chance to take in a big gasp of air. "want me to breed this pussy, huh? feel you up with my babies?" the room spins around you, body floating as if ready to plummet back down, you try your best to reply. "yes, yes- please, please, sir, I'mㅡ"

"Go ahead." the man succeeded to say, between his breathy groans. "Thank you, thank you, oh god, thank you so much sir." you say as if praying to him whilst he keeps fucking into you. he pounds into you as you come down from your high, your body almost too limp to register your surroundings. he slap your thigh, strong grips now onto your breasts as he comes ropes inside of you, then as he pulls his length out of you, some landing on your stomach. He watches intently as his seed drips out of you, your body beautifully splayed out right under him. You squeeze around nothing, licking your lips, as you feel the warm trickles of come dripping from your stomach to your chest due to your position. you're both quiet for a bit, catching your breaths, as you scoot lower on the couch.

"I thinkㅡ" Santiago begins, breaking the silence, "I'd wanna do this for more than one night.”

#oscar isaac x you #oscar isaac characters #oscar isaac x reader #oscar isaac smut #oscar isaac #santiago pope garcia x reader #santiago pope garcia #santiago pope garcia smut #triple frontier fanfiction #oscar issac characters #oscar issac x reader #oscar issac smut #oscar isaac imagine #marc spector fanfiction #marc spector smut #marc spector imagine

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hermanunworthy · 1 year

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!DNDADS S2 EP37 SPOILERS!

im a bit late bc i was at work all day but time for ep37 reactions!! i cant believe its already here

- now ive heard everyone talking about the intro i bet its gonna be a rickroll or some shit

- ITS FUCKINF ALL STAR. I KNEW THEY WOULD PULL SOMETHING LIKE THIS

- A TEENAGE GIRLS PARENT JUST GOT SHOT AND KILLED AND UR PLAYING ALL STAR.

- hermie mention in the intro im so calm and cool and chill about this /j

- "ur enough as u are" AINT NO WAY UR ABOUT TO MAKE ME START CRYING OVER A PARODY OF SMASH MOUTHS ALL STAR. WHY DID U HAVE TO PULL OUT THE BIG GUNS

- I DONT WANT THE TAYLOR VOICE CHANGE GOD NO

- MATT IM SCREAMING

- WILL CAMPOS U ABSOLUTE MADMAN. i already knew he was gonna find a way around using revivify but THAT WAS WILD

- are people gonna start drawing normal w that piece of jewelry now. bc i wanna. i already like drawing him w bracelets

- oh god what is beths fact gonna be.

- "i just keep meeting all the right people at all the wrong times" BETH MAY U ARE EVIL. THE PLOT OF THIS EPISODE HASNT EVEN STARTED AND IM ALREADY EMO

- ITS STARTING. OH NO

- NICKY BETTER FUCKING SHOW UP im curious to see what they actually decided on for the reason for him not being there last episode

- HERMIE WAS REMEMBERED giggles and kicks my feet

- TAYLOR AND LINCOLN ARENT AWARE THAT TERRY IS DEAD RN.

- were getting terris reaction rn i cant believe this is happening

- IM starting to feel sick godddd

- i bet im gonna see art of the lincoln and taylor piggyback ride hehe

- OH MY GOD. OH MY GOD TERRIS ASLEEP THIS MEANS WERE GONNA GET SCARY BACK. ALSO IS SHE GONNA SEE WILLY OH NOOOO

- NO NO NO NO NONONO

- "theres my girl" STFUUUUUU

- DOES SCARY REMEMBER ANYTHING??? DOES SHE KNOW WHATS GOING ON????

- "just wake him up" I. HATE. THIS EPSIODE

- SCARY GETTING CHOKED UP I CANT DO THIS

- TERRY DIDNT EVEN NEED TO DIE FUCK THIS

- "whoooa shit thats fucked up!" anthony burch i know u are just so incredibly pleased w urself.

- SCARYS STILL PRETENDING LIKE SHE DOESNT CARE ABOUT TERRY. JUST FEEL UR FEELINGS GIRL GOOD GOD

- "EMBARRASSING"??? FOR A KID TO BE UPSET THAT ONE OF THEIR PARENTS GOT MURDERED???? WILLY STAMPLER WTF IS WRONG W U

- there was never a more obvious lie than willy saying hell revive terry

- 19 INSIGHT LETS GOOO

- THATS RIGHT SCARY. STAND THE FUCK UP TO HIM

- NORMAL DESPERATELY TRYING TO HELP AWWWW MAN :[[ I HATE THIS

- PUTS MY HEAD IN MY HANDS. THIS IS SO DEEPLY UPSETTING

- WHEN WE SAID WE WANTED MORE SCARY AND NORMAL INTERACTIONS WE DIDNT THINK ITD BE LIKE THIS!!!

- THE TWINS ARE HERE NOW OMG

- beth is out for fucking blood this episode. god she is so good at making the audience feel for her characters

- SHES TELEPORTING TO GRANT?? IM NOT READY YET

- "hes dangerous! get away from him!" THE FACT THAT THIS IS LINCOLN SAYING THIS ABOUT GRANT BREAKS MY HEART

- SCARY HAS A GUN FUCK YEAH!!!

- FIRST HERMIE SPEAKING LINE OF THE EPISODE YIPPEEEE

- halfway through the episode now. cant wait to see what could possibly go wrong next!!

- i love whenever anthony allows a fun rulebreaking idea to work

- IDK WHY THE IDEA OF THE KIDDADS HAVING A GC IS SO FUNNY TO ME

- rons status remains a mystery....

- "we could do a whole scene w just hermie and all the other ones" u joke matt but i enjoy every scene w hermie no matter how unnecessary and drawn out

- as always linc and taylor are such a funny iconic duo

- WERE FINALLY GETTING ANGRY NORMAL??? FINALLY????

- WILL WITHDRAWING HIS COOL MOVE LMAO

- i just realized WE STILL HAVENT SEEN NICKY!!! GODDAMN!!!

- "the gayest fucking mecha of all time" swiftli fans do u like the new ship name /j

- ig i cannot deny it anymore swiftli is practically canon atp

- NICKY!!!! NICKY!!!!! I SHOT STRAIGHT UP IN MY SEAT

- NICKY AND HERMIE ARE FINALLY INTERACTING. PRAISE THE LORD

- i thought nicky got all his limbs back?? did anthony just forget

- btw ive probably been waking up my whole house w how hard im laughing over swiftli this episode

- LINCOLNS GONNA PUNCH GRANT WHOA. WHOA

- "so what are u gonna do, ur gonna kill me?" as i said before. i hate this episode.

- SCARY OBLITERATED PAPA JOHN SO FAST WHOA.

- THE DUNGEON SETUP VS THE TONE OF THE EPISODE HELPPP

- i just had such a weird thought/prediction. but i will hold my tongue. bc the last time i said something like this it came true and i do not want this to come true

- IS SCARY GONNA BREAK IT W LOVE FOR TERRY. I CANT DO THIS

- "i love u and i hate that u made me love u when u are who u are and u knew it." I WISH U COULD SEE MY FUCKING FACE RN. HOLYYY SHIT THATS DEVASTATING

- oh. my. good. lord.

- GUYS????? I DONT EVEN KNOW WHAT TO DO NOW. HOLY FUCK. THAT WAS HEAVY AS SHIT

#dndads #dndads spoilers #dndads s2 spoilers #siren says

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discoidal · 1 year

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basically most tattoos nowadays are done with tattoo machines that have a little electric motor inside. this means the artist can use multiple needles at once (makes colouring much easier.) also the motor moves the needle up and down way faster than a human can. this makes the process much faster and less painful. a stick and poke is just doing a tattoo by hand rather than using a machine.

this is why they're usually small and simple and don't colour/shading. they're more painful because they're slower to do - you have to manually pierce the skin each time with the needle

a tattoo is made by depositing ink in the dermis, which is basically your second layer of skin. if you don't go deep enough with the needle then the ink will remain in the epidermis (the top layer of skin that we can see.) So it'll have holes in the design where the ink is missing, or it might even disappear entirely (bc we shed the top layer of skin regularly)

if you go too deep with the needle then the ink will go past the dermis. below the dermis is basically a layer of fatty tissue. fat can't "hold" ink like skin can, and the ink will slide around beneath your skin. this causes a blowout (google image if you're not familiar)

with stick and pokes it's harder to get the ink consistently at the right depth, which is why they often don't look great. it's hard, but it is certainly possible to make them look nice (there are professional artists who use this method because they like the stippled look it creates)

honestly people scaremonger a lot about the health risks of tattooing yourself. it's kind of silly. the idea of a full-time professional tattoo artist is VERY modern (20th century and tattoos have been practiced for thousands of years.) its not like you die instantly if you stab yourself with a needle that has a bit of ink on the end.

the bad reputation of stick and pokes comes from "scratchers", I.e people who masquerade as legitimate artists but don't have any skill and who don't follow proper safety protocols. the most dangerous is obviously unclean needles, or reusing needles. it puts you at serious risk for any bloodbourne illnesses including HIV.

other risks are the same as a tattoo done with a machine. a tattoo is essentially an open wound and is therefore very prone to infections. most people wouldn't instinctively know how to keep a tattoo clean (both during the process and afterwards) so that's why i would generally discourage stick and pokes done at home. you also can't get the level of cleanliness at home that you can get at a legitimate shop (which use autoclaves to sterilise their machines.) however you can get pretty close and you're unlikely to get an infection if if know how to keep a tattoo clean

idk if that's the kind of answer you were looking for lmao

oh thats DEF what i was looking for thank u!!! i wasnt doing serious research bc im not seriously planning to do it but i was a bit troubled how ig + the first couple sites in google were making it out to be, like, riskless and more #quirky than machines? thanks for sharing things completely and concisely it's such a big help!!!

#THANK YOU!!!#zoe's mailbox

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sea-jello · 1 year

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SQUIPs are programmed to believe that they can't feel human emotion just like they believe they're perfect and can't make errors. Since they're basically computer code running on a human brain (with an implant to make it possible), they are more human than they think they are. SQUIPs encourage outright denial as a valid psychological coping tool for their users. Is it a wonder that they practice it too? -Anonymous informant

jeffery enjoyers come get yall lore juice we got a squip dev or sum

i actually did have this as a fleeting thought?? cause hes sorta contradicting himself

(REMEMBER I HAVE ZERO KNOWLEDGE ABOUT AIS AND SQUIPS IM BULLSHITTING AS I GO)

a learning AI does mimic human behavior after all, and a learning AI at this level of intelligence coupled with DIRECT access to the human brain and therefore human behavior could?? "become more human"??? it really depends on how you think about AIs. i have no idea how to explain it but like,, maybe the brain could affect the squips code the way the squips code could affect the brain. DNA is code after all. maybe by having access to the emotions bits of the brain that DNA code gets mangled up with the squip code. in this world we cant replicate human intelligence exactly, but maybe the squip is advanced enough for that and can mimic human behavior to the point of actually feeling emotions somehow. to my knowledge (and google) AIs mimic human behavior by using past human examples, and since squips have the most access to their users past actions and memories and feelings maybe they slowly become more and more like their host, although it kinda looks like thats not the case so far, so maybe its over time. maybe theyre all gonna merge with their users eventually. i have no fucking clue im just throwing shit at the wall

by saying denial are you implying they know?? they can feel emotions?? are they denying it to me or are they denying it to themselves

ig its not such a wonder they do think theyre perfect after all. what advice is better than theirs

how do YOU know this anonymous informant huh 🤨🤨 now why should they trust you 🤨🤨🤨

#i think anon is doing lore but im not rping so dont take anything i said as canon again im just throwing my ideas out #maybe im overthinking again JEFFERY #im lowkey salty abt it lmaoo #dunno what you want me to do about that im a guy who likes to overanalyze what can i say #squip ocs #<- heard that was the rp tag so block that out if you dont want to see these anymore #idk if i should tag this as the squip or not so im not going to #unreality #rp #i dunno

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kozykricket · 2 months

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hey chat do you ever just realize its actually possible to do stuff that isnt like, what you already typically do? like im not limited to being what i currently am wild but uh. yea, its weird lol. to remember how much there is to potentially do but uh, BIG VENT TIME

ive often felt that its hard to Care about trying certain new things but i think its less that i dont care and more that i find immense contentness in going through the motions of what i already do in life, and i. while i love the idea of doing more things, im... afraid of change? i mean okay, i love change. as in, when videogames change things out of nowhere. but... i have a weird relationship with it. my moms always said im so afraid of change and im like ehh im not thaat afraid of change but changing up what i consistently do? yeah i think thats like... definitely true i used to not spend that much time with my cats, but i WANTED to spend time with them. i just... thought about it, and it almost felt like not caring. but it was moreso just that it wasnt part of my like, schedule. part of something that i typically do it wasnt carefully planned. it was out of my comfort zone. it mm, i just wish i could- no, i mean. i DO care about things. i do care about more things its just, that i feel as if i dont care about certain new hobbies and such because they seem like.. scary. or like "eh, im doing good enough. i dont need to push to go further" despite how many lessons i hear in every media ever about how you should push yourself to your fullest potential, and experience the world, and ... do more than just accept the minimum comfort zone !! that you should strive for more than just Yeah good enough but mm, is it worth it? to change things up? im good at what i do.. i think. but id be good at other things, too. if i just gave them an honest try...

just . realizing and remembering you have the freedom to do whatever you want and that everything is at your fingertips and. if you have the stability and life situation to allow it, then you can really do anything. its wild but ...can i get myself to care enough? its weird, ig i gotta push myself to do things that i dont care about, until i suddenly really care about them

man i really wanna do writing and programming more. theyre fun. but theyre also new things and ive convinced myself im some circus animal who is unable to be motivated or train myself and practice and effort and yadda yadda woe is me

#jake post #vent #vent post

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basketcase1982 · 7 years

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boyfrien...d.........& me

#drawing digitally is so fucking agonizing these days i either need a better tablet or more drawing supplies so i can #do primarily traditional possibly but both iare HARD!!!!!#He n Me are all i draw now #ariart #i just need more practice ig i want to love my style more and i want it to be toonier but i also #want to be good at realistic anatomy #i guess i can do both at the same time but that would require #drawing A. LOT #and thats hard for me to bring myself to do AAAHHH Idk #mabe i should just fill eeverthing w cuphead fanart and skeletons n shit thats simple enough

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bunie-grrss · 3 years

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“A house in the woods?”

*Practically a yandere cookie run x reader blog. Also, this is my first time posting on Tumblr and writing, I don’t have the perfect English nor’ do I know a lot of words, but I hope this is good enough for your entertainment(?).

CHR; Almond cookie, Walnut cookie{mentioned}

{i tried to stay in character as possible, theres some ooc here and there} TW; implied yandere ig??, slight obsession{mentioned}

----------------------------------------------ʕ•́ᴥ•̀ʔっ-------------------------------

You are y/n cookie, a shy and yet timid nature, you're smaller than the average cookie height, but still taller than a child cookie. You live in a small run-down-but-somewhat functional house, it isn't too big, or small. It was always quiet, no company, or cookies to visit you or to talk too. It's always you and your lonesome house. The house always so quiet, and looked so inhabited, so worn down, when cookies stumble upon your home, they started rumors about a cookie witch inhabiting it, making potions that will harm the people of magic city. One of the rumors one said that you were working for dark enchantress cookie, even though you're an innocent little cookie looking for fun in the dark woods. Oh, I almost forgot. You have never been into any kingdoms before, though you hesitated to enter them, for the reason you're a dark magic user. Even though the rumors spread like wildfire, It's also attracted the grand detective, almond cookie. You never wanted to drag the police into this matter, instead of dealing it, you hid in your home. You could hear footsteps, then a knock, knowingly its almond cookie checking your little home “hello, I’m almond cookie I'm here to check your use of magic” you eventually poke your head out to see them “yes..?” “ah, you’re there, how about we discuss this matter.” and indeed you two have tense discussing why you’re living in the woods, though it was you that was in tension and nervous, but it went through nicely, i hope. sometimes you could feel like almond is judging or staring at you, intensely or its just you’re imagination messing with your mind. “so.. let me put this together..” you’re thoughs we’re interrupated as his voice snapped your mind to reality, “y-yes?..” “you’re.. a witch cookie, living here for..?” “ for the view, and..maybe some peace?.. almond would sigh, as he open his little notebook, starting to write-down what you just had said “alright, thats it for the discussion?” “yes!” you would smile brightly at the comment. standing up then leaving you seated there “ well, guess that’s it, i have to go now theres much more important things i have to attend to” walking away as you waved goodbye at them “o-oh! well goodbye!” as he stared a his notebook, smiling, glad he met them. they’ll be the perfect wife, for walnut and him only, if only he can understand his own feelings more often. ______________________________________________~* Sorry for the short story im trying to finish this as quickly as i can, plus i dont want anymore drafts-. but also i lost motivation for the plot -Yakoumo

#Almond cookie Almond cookie x reader cookie run kingdom walnut cookie yandere cookierun x reader

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mcl38 · 2 years

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thank you for your respectful reply think just in a day when people are calling daniel fans all sort of names I just felt the need to address what u said! in regards to the tags u put, especially the ones about daniel's ig story, I am interested to hear your thoughts. Even as a Daniel fan, I can see it as tactical, especially now if he did know there were other discussions going on, but it also seems that it is something he almost had to do so that the media would shut up about it all and I do think he would have had to make mclaren aware he was making a statement like that...just interested to hear your thinking if you feel ok to share?

ok so. as i warned before i cant promise to keep my thoughts within the realm of like. respectful objectivity on this topic so be warned

essentially i thought it was really presumptious of daniel in that insta story to imply that the rumours were about him quitting mclaren of his own volition rather than mclaren firing him. when he said "i am committed to mclaren until the end of next year and am not walking away from the sport" it sounded like he was shaping the discourse as if people were worried HE was disappointed enough in mclaren to quit them before his contract was up.

i get that in reality its likely daniel is very aware that the risk was actually on mclaren's part, not his, and its likely he just couldnt rly frame it in any other way - especially bc as we have now discovered mclaren werent committed to him till the end of next year. it was a response to ppl who were already assuming daniel was a free agent, and possibly tinged w some bitterness that he has to write this kind of statement even if his seat WAS on the verge of being lost.

that said, to me it read like his driver's ego peeking through, like he can't picture the relationship between him and mclaren as one where HE has a responsibility and even after a year and a half of his teammate severely outperforming him he still thinks its solely mclaren's job to fix the issues no one but him seems to be having. or, even if this is just the way he's trying to showcase the situation to the public as if the rumours are so silly he didnt even figure out where they came from, it still felt like a subtle power play of you should be happy im even choosing to stay with you because look how worried everyone is (ie look how worried i can frame it so everyone seems to be) that i would possibly be leaving you.

thing is, by the time that insta story was released i had already fully lost patience with daniel's stint at mclaren. i was tired of p13s every quali and interviews saying he doesn't know how he's losing time or complaining abt having to adapt to a car as if thats not every drivers job, and mclaren app blurbs from practice sessions where lando was talking abt how to improve performance and he was talking about how he liked x country or y fans or had a good time for z reasons, but couldnt get the tyres to work or whatever (again im being subjective - not his fault lando is dry as fuck and allergic to fun in those mcl app exclusives). so like. i wanted to believe that hes at least trying his hardest and pushing for the team rather than for his own self satisfaction - which im sure he was, dont get me wrong, it would be stupid of me to say that i genuinely believe daniel wasnt trying, but that insta story certainly did nothing to help my frustration at the time

#yeah thats the gist of it basically #i get being annoyed at daniel fans being called all sorts of things - i too as a lando stan am very used to stanning a popular driver #with loads of messy (MESSY) fans #and obviously ppl putting lando fans in an umbrella or blaming lando himself for it is annoying #so obvs rn its a rly emotionally volatile time for daniel fans - as it would b for any other driver if this were happening to them #and naturally u basically see the 'worst' of the fandom - but thats bc theres always gonna be a couple vocal insane people #in every big group of normal quiet people #so yeah maybe i shouldnt have generalised fjdkfkf even if i was pissed off #or maybe i should have called them staniels and then the pun would be so good all would be forgiven idk #anyways #silly season #mclaren #ask #anon

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t-underneaththeradardancing · 3 years

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kitsch n sink - actually something more poetic like w an enigmatic metaphor embedded - i did tell u bout the obsessive yah and u u musta guessed compulsive - and i aint lately seen a wild card but so many dealt already not all of them the good kind - t u not bob dylan neither miles davis - 3 fukken a em and here i am a yam like popeye - w coffee instead of spinach - unpoet suggested - anything to keep me from toss and turn like a record machine - spin me right round - well not exactly but close enuff for existential over easy just a pinch - im quantum quark like - imma edit cuz ig - or maybe keep it it onna tumblr down low not worry about size - or who iz reeding - actually like giving a speech i pretend that nobody is listening - wait imma mean dancing and people watching - tho u really dont wanna see wat that look like on t - worse than guitar grimace emoting thinking hez an og method acting its been a month or more since i mention wim wenders - imma reddy for demille close - up and godot - i am - awaiting

the things that sustain me maybe gonna kill me - life on life’s fukken terms - its gospel sunday - imma work on a building and a hallelujah fukken anyway - summer jest start imma think about the heat on - aging aint 4 sissyfussy - how i get so far and not even mention my kitty - and pet shop onna western town in a dead end world - but she is a good one of the - always - variety - in dire straits especially tho no bullet in the chest pleez - even once upon a time - a crash n burn while flyin maybe - to b expected part of game player - on the stage will yah

complicated - yah fs - but then again imma james bond - billy strange maybe a western but i only ride a horse a couple times - one practically wild i didnt know better - but thats a story for later maybe - remind me imma forget for sure for years maybe - was unbaked completely a while just to baseline reset assess - man was that confusing i dont know how peeple do it - actually - i do and did - pain could b debilitate if i let it but fukk - a song or 2 to play and a dozen in the queue - and slow af not 2 mention lazy - so a million things to do

imma live pretty much the way i duz it since jump street tho modifications - i mean 3 years ago i would swear i never give up smoking - 35 drinking i would tell u - the liver is a muscle it needs exercise and mean it laffing - but i almost coulda killed myself 18 months ago walking trippin take a header but i fall down good - used to recover - uh faster - anywaze im careful on steps dont even go near ladders

a stage yah - and a challenge - yah i can play a whole set twice - i think - stage fright of course par - emoting like a motherfukker over even - cramps in season - panic attack la mode de monde - shake it up not stir tho a marley - but hear and there - a glimpse a transcend moment - a flurry then slow sustain thick - imma trynna good foot - hard af sometimes - ego omg and off the chart fear - just enuff whatever takes and not too - for a - spell - flow stops time - weave a new pattern - imma wave not a particle - sometimes people listen - enough to sustain - keep on keeping - morning birdsong - i mitta slept a minnit just after midnight - no tambourine too noisy man but in the morning maybe jj - t its morning now and sid in ny sez nancy - and yes we heard the birds sing but shouldnt we save that for the usual - tho maybe all the bases covered - except murder

imma wrap it up - finally got new shades to replace broken - not lost - anywaze store wuz finally open

so officially imma rawk star again - i mean u cant possibly b without shades can u

#poetry i guess #sacred art productions

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magicflowershop · 4 years

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one day kitty; Kita version

《inspired by movie A Whisker Away》

✿✿ you wished to be with the person you like and wish granted. whiskers, button nose, tail, four legs and ears on top of the head; you turned into a cat. with this, you are given the opportunity to be with the person you want to express your affections to. but as a cat. and only in one day.

― haikyuu characters x cat!reader imagines!

❀ masterlist ❀

the wheel of names have spoken.

kita was having a good time by himself in his grandmother’s rice fields, feeling the breeze like the precious farm boi he is,,, when he saw a cat sleeping on a wet patch in the middle of the field

gathering concern for the little cat, he brought him home and decided to clean it up

then you woke up

you felt something scrubbing your back when you open your eyes you see a guy aiming a hose at you

you scream bc obv, but that scream translated into a screech leaving your mouth and you see your hand

homie that was a paw

why do u have a paw?????

"stay still, you might hurt yourself”

and why is there a Kita Shinsuke spraying water at you lmao

you see that he’s kinda annoyed that you’re moving so much while he’s trying to clean you up but at the same time you arent sure since he isnt easy to read and that don’t know him too well rip so you let yourself be cleaned for free ig

but yo what the hell??? so you’re a cat now????

you try to remember what happened before all this and how in the world you suddenly turned into a cat and magically wake up in Kita’s place

you dont know the exact location of his place so you have no idea how to get back home from here

Kita pulled the cat closer to him, and wiping the wet fur with a towel as generously as he could that the cat soon found comfort from his gentle caresses

okay maybe you could stay for a while yk huehue

“you’re having fun”

you hear a familiar voice from a mile away, you look back and see a fat, creepy cat standing on two of its hind feet

o wait

you saw that cat last night when you were watching the shooting star outside,,, you thought it’d be cute if you suddenly wished for something so you did then that thing appeared outta nowhere promising you that he can make your wish come true than compared to a stupid star

so he forced the wish outta you

that you wished to be closer to a guy you admired,, and you had a lot of crushes in your school ykyk,,, just that Kita takes the entire cake

“you have until midnight to remain as a cat. be sure to leisurely fulfill your desires, y/n.”

and so he vanished

while knowing full well you’re basically Cinderella now, you take consideration of your leisure time with Kita-sama

do you stay or do you go home first to check on your household

“oh what do we have here?”

Kita’s grandma entered the scene and you think that okay maybe this development is a little too quick since you weren’t ready to face his relatives yet

“i found this cat in the fields. it looked like it could get sick so i cleaned it”

o yea you were a damn cat

also Kita calls you freakin “it”

pennywise who

you chose to stay in Kita’s place bc grandma thought it’d be lovely to let you stay there for a while,, and that you looked like you were starving when you saw the food on the table

thank goodness you were a cat bc jesus were you actually drooling

so you spent time in Kita’s place big deal

but his place isn’t what you’re aimed for no?

“i’m leaving”

Kita says putting on his shoes, ready to leave and he’s wearing casual clothes,, you don’t think he’s going to school for volleyball practice

IS HE GOING ON A DATE????????????

lmao

as if thats actually true cmon Kita doesn’t even hang out with girls that much,,, even though he prolly has a bunch of admirers like the other Inarizaki Vball bois

but what if he swang that wae?

??????????

so you followed him right?

you wanted to find out where he’s headed also that he looked good in casual clothes you just want to keep looking at him like this

Kita went to the grocery store

and apparently he was buying ingredients to make food

ahh

so you begin to think that you were foolish for lowkey gate-keeping him

like sis cmon you’re a cat rn keep your head in the game,, what do you do with those paws of yours that cant even grab his hand and pull him away when he was about to bump into a girl as he was about to grab a bottle of tomato paste

heck you cant even get inside the damn grocery store and walk in between them cause you’re a fcking cat!!!!!!!!

you watch their mouths say sorries to each other

the girl was blushing

hm?

Kita looked worried that he couldve hurt her since the hag was coverin her face

nani k

n̸̢̪̜͚͑́̾́̑̋ á̴̠̜̳͖̼̃͗̚͘͠ͅ n̵̼͙͇̻̹̓͜͜ i̷̥̲̻̪͈̞̙̩͛̾̅̓͝͝͠ ̶̨̡̜̞̟͆̿̈́͜ḵ̶̂̓̀̚ o̶͎͛̋̋̊͋̊̅̈̅ͅ r̶͙̮̱͊̎͠ ę̷̺̪͎͈̗̖̯̣͍͒͊̒͆͂̈́͛́̒̃

you started tapping the glass windows like mad SKSKD

and ofc since you’re a stray animal ppl wont let u get away with absolutely anything so one personnel saw you tapping the windows and shouted at you from inside the store

Kita and the hag saw you and yea that was enough embarrassment for the day, you ran away and let your feet take you wherever

its a bit boring that since its a weekend there’s nothing to do,, you never expected that Kita’s weekends would be this boring too :(

so the creepy cat appeared

“what’s wrong you dont seem to be enjoying yourself anymore”

“turn me back to human i need to finish my homework”

maybe thats not the most liable excuse you have but it is true that you need to finish an assignment

“but i gave you a chance to be with the person you admire, no? is this not enough?”

“yea well its-”

“here you are”

you feel someone pick you up and you see that it was Kita:0he must’ve looked for you since you dont even know where you are

oh my god Kita Shinsuke looked for you ma’am eye- or mayhaps you took the route back to his house without knowing since you were busy staring at him when you were stalking him earlier ye

you watched how he looked at the creepy cat you were talking to and and judged it from head to hind feet lmao Kita

“do you have the same owner as this cat?”

he asked you and you gave out every ounce of your energy to shake your head as a no as well as to let out the most disgusted and disapproval meow you ever could-

“the hell would i want to be acquainted with that thing!”

what

no way did u just speak

so Kita stared at you for the remainder of the time but decided you speaking isnt physically possible and that he could’ve been real tired since he saw the Miya twins along the way

he took you back home since his grandma seemed to be real happy seeing a little animal in the house with them

but you didnt miss to see the little knowing smile from the creepy cat from earlier, you just knew from that alone that he was messing with you since as you said you were bored

it was wrong of you to talk to that lil disgusting thing

since that moment you refused to speak with your mouth every again, if you were going to speak thought you would probably just purposely say meow only to not make anymore mistakes

also you’re spending a lot of time with Kita’s grandma than Kita himself

“i wonder what your future spouse is doing at this moment, Shin-kun”

Kita looked like he wanted to roll his eyes so bad lmao since he always hears things about his grandma wanting to see his wedding before she dies :c

and yk it makes you sad too just hearing about this

and you want to help 😔

and you would offer help 😌

they heard the cat speak and now you’re running away bc they heard you talk about wanting to marry Shinsuke 🤡

the day ended and you managed to go home before the sun set basically nothing happened and your transformation was all for nuttin, you were bamboozled by a demon cat you randomly saw one night

the next day you were back to your human self and it was a school day so ofc you have to live on normally in school as if nothing happened, as if you didnt just stalk a guy from your school but we’ll get to that

see, you’re friends are friends with a few of the guys from your school’s volleyball team,,, so you’re within vicinity of Kita’s attention

when you explicitly did not want to see him atm

BUT THEN YOU REMEMBER YOUR FRIENDS KNOW YOU LIKE KITA

WHAT THE HELL DO YOU DO NOW

you decided to run away but you realize that’s useless bc you’re all going home together :D

now you weren’t the crowds type of person,, you had no idea how it come to this, you’re used to hanging out with your girlfriends yes but they were having fun altogether like this it was fun just watching them goof off and whatnot

“hey”

when i told you you’re almost dropped the second you hear Kita calling to you, you best believe

you said hey but in a different tone of voice bc it was too early for him to notice you had the same voice as the cat he saw yesterday,,, then you both walked in silence

you couldnt take it anymore and decided to go to the nearest convenience store since you had something you want to buy,, you went and whispered this to your friends but when they were asking you to let your voice out, you were deadass croaking

but then you clown yourself sum more bc Kita was concerned of you acting like this and asked if you were alright

now you’re stuck with him in the convenience store bc your friends and his friends thought it’d be a great idea for him to go with you :D

“you should eat something warm before going to sleep, and take a warm bath too”

:((((((

okay now you feel bad for actually making him worry lol

your alibi of getting sick works really well with not speaking at all around him so you used this till the end thinking you can escape him with this until it rained and you dont have an umbrella with you

aight y/n you’re one hell of a clutz

Kita was enough of a gentleman to buy an umbrella for you until its actually out of stock

you guys stayed in the convenience store for the time being

you were losing your mind

how much longer will you stay with him

you thought of an alibi to save you from the embarrassment so you told him you gotta jet and go back to school bc you forgot to bring your notebook with you

but now you realize you realize you didnt have to tell him bc he’ll still follow you as if his life depends on taking care of you :(

after you randomly stormed out of the convenience store, he caught up to you and pulled you somewhere where there’s a roof over

“are you usually this reckless? or do you just like getting yourself sick?”

homie does not hold back

he pulled a spare shirt from his back and put it on your head,, proceeding to wipe your wet hair with it until he realized he’s subconsciously invading your personal space

he looked right at you, so you two were standing there,,, staring,, his hands on both sides of your head,,,,, both of y’all are wet hunni

he let go and turned the other way,,, the darkness wasnt dark enough to conceal his red cheeks and hunni you made him blush aight

“you reminded me of a cat i saw yesterday im sorry about that”

“you dont have to apologize”

o sis you did it now

you s p o k e

so Kita was beyond surprised to hear that voice again,,,, and this time from yOU,, ALL NORMAL,, NO FROGS

“i, i can explain”

he looked at you confused, hell was he so confused, that you sounded exactly like the voice he randomly heard yesterday which made him think that came from the cat,, he didnt think that was physically possible bc yk but the embarrassment from your face was enough for him to guess

“did you really say you’re willing to marry me”

gOD

“i mean,,, i don’t mind”

“grandma would be glad”

stay tuned for more!

#walk in my garden #i always change things up a lil bit lmao #hope you guys are keeping up #haikyuu!!#haikyuu #haikyuu!! drabbles #haikyuu!! smau #haikyuu!! imagines #haikyuu!! headcanons #haikyuu!! x reader #kita #shinsuke kita #kita shinsuke #kita x y/n #kita x reader #inarizaki #one day kitty

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migleefulmoments · 5 years

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Abby's running around practically screaming "they're in the same room together!!! COUPLES GOALS!!!!" and she has the audacity to ask other people how they're not mortified by their behavior? really?

Anonymous said: www(.)gettyimages(.)com/detail/news-photo/eric-podwall-and-ricky-rollins-attend-podwall-news-photo/1179378303 how have they missed this pic? You can see Darren and Chris in the bg and it looks like they're talking. So there we go, they did talk and they're not forbidden from interacting in public by evil Ryan Murphy or Ricky. They're two perfectly normal ex co stars who are friendly when they run into each other at parties but aren't BFFLs.

Anonymous said: And they wonder why D and C don't want to take pictures together? They've been tormenting them for YEARS with posts and comments and tags even without any single photo of the two of them together in the same place. If I was D or C I'd be terrified with the thought.

Anonymous said: there is no doubt in my mind that Darren and Chris had a conversation last night. they are friendly with each other. tinhats act like we think they hate each other, which is just completely untrue. they don't take photos with or mention each other professionally because some fans ruin it by saying their s/os are beards who deserve to be harassed online.

Anonymous said: And even if they did talk last night, which they most likely did at some point as they know each other and were at the same place and there's no reason to believe they would ouright ignore each other, it still wouldn't mean anything other than they talked. To go from "casual chat at a party" to "secret years' long marriage" is the definition of "get yourself checked out" lol

Anonymous said: I'm sure Darren and Chris talked to each other last night, but obviously not long enough to be caught in the background of a photo face to face ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Anonymous said: “How amazing is this pic. D talking to someone that is blocked and we can clearly see he is within speaking distance to the man he lives with!!!!! I guess our theory is right about who is spending time with who. Shame there is nor formal pic. Bet they have a ton on their cells.” Gawd talk about desperation. abby should stop stating lies like they are truth

Anonymous said: “And more importantly, why do you care if they were talking? Does that threaten you? It should because it is sold they hate each other and guess you are as you had to send a hate message to me” lols no one thinks they hate each other but keep on lying Abby

Anonymous said: “Oh CC delivered last night!” lmaoo no they didn’t abs

Anonymous said: The bullshit abut Mia’s CDV costume is crap. People dress up as the devil but that doesn’t mean they worship satan! People dress up as bank robbers but that doesn’t mean thats what they are. Costumes are just costumes just like tv and book characters are just characters.

Anonymous said: "he ever wanted or needed to considering he primarily works from their home:)" Oh my god, that escalated quickly... so now they are a threesome or what? Where is this fanfic published because I'd love to read it lol. Their conspiracies get more ridiculous every time.

Anonymous said: Darren and Chris go to that party every year and never take a pic together, why do people think this year would be any different? It's clear that they're not comfortable with it for whatever reason. And it's not just the tinhats, people on twitter are obsessing over it too. They don't owe it to anyone to take a photo together.

Anonymous said: Hahaha tinhats are celebrating Darren and Chris being in the same room as if they just got a shot of them making out or something. They are like five feet away from one another, but hey it’s the best they can hope for at this point so I guess they will take what they can get. It’s just hilarious that they’re like “You can’t deny they were both there”. Why would we want to? No one cares that they were in the same room except the tinhats. The rest of us noticed that they went with their actual SOs

Anonymous said: "how does she stand in the same room as C/hris, an accomplished, beautiful, successful, highly intelligent, wonderful man and hold her head up? She is absolutely vile and devoid of self respect." I would be soo embarrassed of saying that in public. I keep wanting to say "if Chris is a self insert, how on earth does she think of herself as beautiful" and even just writing it down as an anon makes me cringe and hate myself a little. What the fuck is wrong with this woman? I really am asking for?

Anonymous said: “What I would love is a photo of Chris and Mia” Abby would just spin it so that whatever expression Chris and Mia are making means that he’s “glaring” at her and she’s knowing she’s not the one Darren wants or some shit, just like they did with other pics with both of them

Anonymous said: It's funny how in Abby land that pic is amazing but if it was Mia in Chris' position standing that far away from Darren, it would be proof they're not really married because how dare they leave each other's side and talk to someone else. Also why aren't either of them smiling? I thought if you were near your real lover you had to grin as wide as possible?

Anonymous said: I'm surprised Abby hasn't complained that Will is standing in the middle center of the first costume pic on Chris' ig. I thought the most successful person had to stand at the front?

Anonymous said: Lol that "CC riot" is at Matt Morrison's party which the Glee peeps have been going to forever. Matt's manager Eric Podwall throws it every year in Matt's honor because it's also Matt's birthday. They hold it regardless of whether Matt can attend, one year he was in NYC because he was a BW musical but they still had the party in LA. Chris has been going to it every year. I think Darren may have missed some but I can't recall, in any case he goes to it if he's around. It's a celeb party.

Anonymous said: Like you said, for me Mia is clearly speaking to Chris. You can see Will and Ashley's pants, and she's talking to someone between them, where Chris was in other pics. They're clearly friendly with each other, but I'd say Chris avoids pics with them to avoid the crazies...

Anonymous said: "D talking to someone that is blocked and we can clearly see he is within speaking distance to the man he lives with!!!!!" LOL Darren is speaking to someone who isn't Chris. Chris is at the other corner next to Will, not looking at Darren, and Will standing there is blocking any sight of Darren for Chris anyway. That's the proof of proofs!

Anonymous said: Yep, Darren, Mia, Chris, Will, Ashley at a Halloween party and a picture of Darren talking to someone (the tinhatters insist is Chris) and Abby and her coven are going nuts. Abby actually says something about the possibility of 'a dalmatian (Darren) licking Elton John (Chris)' and the two of them in a dark corner making out. She truly needs help.

Anonymous said: There's a pic of Mia and Will talking at Matts party last night, WIA IS ON GUYS

Anonymous said: Darren is a Dalmatian tonight. Which will be interpreted as him “screaming the truth” to us all that he isn’t really allergic to dogs and that Mia is depriving him of pets which is totes “abuse.”

8 notes · View notes

jiminshoney · 6 years

Text

Where You Belong (Part 3)

Word Count: 10,773

Warnings: language, cheating, brief mentions of black mirror’s black museum episode (spoiler ig if you haven't seen it?), a cliffhanger, and angst but you knew that

[ tumblrs a jack*ss and links are broken, pls check my blog to catch up on the first three parts ]

Your body betrays you by waking you up agonizingly early, before your alarm has rung and before the sun has even had a chance to rise. The glaring numbers on your phone reveal that it’s barely 5 AM. You groan into the cushions beneath you, frustrated because you have to be at work in three hours and you were just robbed of a potentially meaningful last hour of sleep.

Opening a single eye to look back at the device’s bright screen, you can’t ignore the top notifications which continue to blink and beg for your attention. 15 missed calls and a somewhat impressive 28 unread texts all from Jungkook. It’s more than he sent in the month alone.

Your first thought is to ignore them, you want to ignore him, it’s too early to even think about processing what he has to say or replaying last night’s events. A sharp pain spreads through your chest, stretching until it meets your rib cage where there lies an almost forgotten void. There’s always those few seconds the morning after something terrible has happened, a moment of ignorant bliss, until your mind and heart remember and everything hurts again. The ache reminds you why last night went the way it did.

You don’t know that you can handle whatever he has to say, though you are curious...

Curious if someone who’s still in love and terrified of losing their girlfriend sends 28 texts and calls 15 times. Is that what it meant? Was he scared, desperate, remorseful? Or did he only offer a pathetic apology in twenty-something streams of the word sorry?

Driven by curiosity, you press a thumb to unlock your phone and open all the unread messages from last night.

From: jungkook♥ [5:19 PM]

Y/N

Can we please talk about this?

can you jus t come back please??

From: jungkook♥ [5:21 PM]

hello?

Y/N please answer

From: jungkook♥ [5:22 PM]

please pplease please

From: jungkook♥ [5:27 PM]

Where did you go

????

Im outside just tell me where you are

From: jungkook♥ [5:30 PM]

If not can tou answer?

Please answer the phone

From: jungkook♥ [5:32 PM]

fuck

Hello? Where did you go

Tell me where you are

From: jungkook♥ [5:33 PM]

Its fine if you decide to hate me for the rest of your life btu let me talk to yo about this first

Just give me a chance to explain everything

I mean there is no excuse but i wanna talk about this

From: jungkook♥ [5:35 PM]

pick up!!

From: jungkook♥ [5:37 PM]

I am begging you rn justsay something

Im outside, Please?

From: jungkook♥ [5:40 PM]

If its too soon i get it just let me see you for a second

If its too soon just tell me

but atleast tell m where you are?

From: jungkook♥ [5:45 PM]

Do you want the apartment? I’ll leave nd get a hotel

From: jungkook♥ [5:50 PM]

???

ffs just let me know you’re safe ok?

Please thats it

From: jungkook♥ [9:36 PM]

I love you y/n. Whenever you see this, you don’t have to call me back jus let me know that you’re somewhere safe alright?

“You love me? Right.” After a click of your tongue you chuck the phone back onto the table. Out of sight, out of mind, you think with a throw of the blanket over your head.

His messages didn’t offer any relief, all they’ve done is overwhelm and mildly irritate you because he acts as if you at least owe him the status of your location and quite frankly- you don’t owe him shit.

How dare he act worried about you and have the nerve to type out that disingenuous four-letter word like- I know you just found out my coworker sucked my dick but goodnight, love you. The audacity! Why should you have to tell him where you ran off to when he cheated on you and hid it for a week? Oh so well, as one may add, because there hadn’t been a sliver of suspicion. Had Taehyung not even been a factor, would he have ever told you? It’s unlikely and no one will ever know. It’s possible that he may have after much much time had passed, so maybe you’ll possibly tell him that you are in the safe confines of someone-who-actually-loves-you’s home… after much much time, of course.

All of this quickly reminds you that you don’t have any of your things. Your hygiene products, clean work clothes, fresh underwear, makeup, etc. You didn’t even have your purse after abruptly leaving your apartment.

A frustrated groan escapes you because now you must figure out how you’ll properly get ready for work the way you normally do. The last thing you wanted was to go back and run into Jungkook. Some days he left bright and early at 5:30 AM and you can take your chances and hope it’s one of those mornings, but it could just as likely be a day he’s decided to sleep in until 8. His app is finished so he shouldn’t have any standing reason to go in early, if not for the fact that he missed nearly a week of work, so he may. The odds were 50/50, it’s better to not risk it.

There’s also the option to call out of work, to stay in and sulk until an hour that he absolutely couldn’t be home, pack all your things and run away to a small town where nobody knows you until things get better. While tempting, you’re realistic and know that you cannot just uproot your life because you’re sad. The mere thought of having to go out and put on a brave face in front of the world today while you felt broken inside was tiring in itself, but sulking seemed exhausting. It wouldn’t make you feel any better, so you might as well go on like it’s any other work day. You could just shower here, pull your hair in a bun, stop at a Target for clothes and other necessities on the way and everything would be fine. At least you’d be able to busy your mind with something other than the fact the love of your life shit on a three year relationship for another woman no less.

-----

Around 9 AM, your work phone rings loudly against the desk. It sends your heart racing into a frenzy because the only person who ever called was your boss, and she only called for impromptu staff meetings or more specifically- to fire someone.

“Y/N~” To your surprise, the lobby receptionist’s voice sings at your pickup.

“Hyerin, good morning!” You smile, thankful that you aren’t losing your job too.

“You have a guest down here waiting for you.”

“What..?”

Your poor heart doesn’t get a chance to relax, there was only person who came to visit you at work. A person who shouldn't be visiting you right now.

“Mhmm! He brought you coffee~!”

“He?” Your jaw clenches, there could be no way. Jungkook could not be ridiculous enough to show up to your job first thing in the morning. He specifically said he understood if it was too soon for you! Why is he doing this? “I-- tell him I’m not in today!”

“He would know I’m lying!” Her hushed voice scratches against the receiver, tickling your eardrums uncomfortably.

“Then tell him I’m busy.”

“But he’s being so patient,” She says, her once melodious voice becoming sympathetic. “Shall I have him wait a few minutes?”

“Just tell him I don’t wanna see him, okay?”

“Oh but Y/N! I said he brought you coffee! Don’t be impolite and just come down, okay?”

Her end briefly goes silent before the endless dial tone beeps to indicate she��s hung up before you could utter another excuse. You mentally curse her because her greatest quality is that she’s the kindest person on earth, but her worst quality is that she’s the kindest person on earth and can’t tell unwanted guests to go away. In her defense, she doesn’t know that your boyfriend has been unloyal and you have a very valid reason for not wanting to see him.

On the way downstairs you are fully prepared to pour coffee over Jungkook’s head and curse him out for showing up to your place of work uninvited under the current circumstances. It’s disrespectful and he’s crossing a line by being here, you couldn’t wait to send him on his way. He couldn’t force you to talk if you didn’t want to. Though, that reaction would surely cause a scene. You will instead kindly let him know he’s being unprofessional and ask him to leave.

You practice the words again and again, it’s a must in order to not break the moment you face him. After all, the last time you saw him you were a bawling mess with mascara smearing on your fingertips and telling him you hated him while feeling like you might pass out. You couldn’t be the weak one this time.

Walking down the hall from the elevator your heart is still racing but you feel a sense of confidence even if it’s mild and fake, you’re just ready to get it over with. He’s leaning up against the front desk, distracted in a conversation with Hyerin as you approach. Heart thumping, the back of his head becomes clearer, strands of ash brown hair…

Your feet freeze against the marble flooring, “Taehyung?”

He swiftly turns at the sound of your voice, shoulders visibly relaxing when his eyes land on you. “Hey!” He pauses to turn, grabbing two concealed drinks off the edge of the reception desk, and closing the gap as he walks to you. “You left without saying anything.”

You should feel relieved but your mind and body hadn’t aligned, heart still shaken up over thinking he would be someone else. “Y-yea… I’m sorry. I left you a note, it was really early.”

“Oh! My fault, I didn’t see it. I came to make sure you’re okay.” He quirks a brow, letting you know his statement is indeed a question.

Not well given everything that’s happened, but that’s obvious. It wasn’t lunch time yet so it was possible in a few hours you’d be ready to slam your head into a wall but you’ve survived so far.

“I’m fine, Tae.”

His lips fall to an exaggerated frown, he is unconvinced and unimpressed by your attempt to not even sound dry. “How are you really, Y/N?”

You sigh, he would not be Taehyung if he didn’t at least try to get more from you. “Well… I’ve already cried once at my cubicle, I’m wearing $3 concealer that does nothing for the bags under my eyes, I have a minor headache and I just nearly had a heart attack because I thought you were Jungkook but other than that I’m okay, really.”

“You cried?”

You open your mouth to speak but get caught on an answer. Maybe you shouldn’t have slipped that part out not only because it’s embarrassing but now he’d just worry more than you knew he was. But it’s too late and the confession was made.

“Yes.”

“Why?”

“Doesn’t matter.”

A month or so after Jungkook you’d also gotten a job, specifically the one you had now. Like Jungkook it wasn’t at all what you wanted to do. The first few weeks after graduating were hard, all of the places you really wanted to work just weren’t calling back or would immediately send the dreaded thanks but no thanks email. Your mom had forced you to stop being so nit picky and apply wherever you could, passively sending you links to job openings she would spot online herself. Eventually you scored a job in the corporate world- lucky enough to make a decent amount of money, get home early, and not work weekends. Not so fortunately, you were stuck in some boring entry-level position in a finance department. It was the last thing on earth you wanted to be doing but you’d felt obligated to take it because up until that point your parents were helping with rent and other money related responsibilities.

The only person who really knew how you felt back then was Jungkook. At first you claimed it was different, like you’d said to him then, at least he was doing something related to his dream career. But no, really, he got it. He understood the fear you had of not being able to move away from this, the weight of life’s responsibilities, the overwhelming desire to just do what the hell you were passionate about, he knew it all too well.

On your first day of work he printed one of the hundred-something selfies you two had taken on graduation day and bought a frame for you to prop on your desk. He’d told you not to peak and to assemble it once you got to work, obviously you didn’t and couldn’t resist temptation, and the surprise was a short note he wrote on the back.

Baby, Congrats !!!

I know you’re not excited but I will be excited for you because I’m really proud of you still. You always remind me that bad days are temporary when I complain about work, ha ha, I want to remind you that too. I know nothing is perfect right now, a lot of things suck, but you still have me. I look forward to the future because I still have you. We may not have our dream jobs but we have each other so hopefully we can live our dream life soon. Just hang in there!

I love you more than anything - Jungkook

You couldn’t stop grinning the first time you’d read it. It was hard to find the words to say to him, hard to express your gratitude and how thankful you were you had him, you could only text him and say I love you so very much and that was enough for him.

Seeing that photo of your younger selves first thing in the morning was aggravating to say the least. You’d immediately slammed the frame down, picking at the back to take the pieces apart, intentions to tear the picture in half. But when you yanked it free from the slot and blue ink came to vision, you paused and read what he’d written less than a year ago. Tears were brimming before you realized. You didn’t have the guts to rip up the picture then, instead you shoved it in one of your drawers to be forgotten until you stumble upon it another day.

Taehyung looks at you worriedly, and it’s the same look he gave you yesterday before he turned your world upside down. A look you can now identify as the I-have-bad-news look.

“I saw Jungkook on my way here.”

“Okay?”

“He asked me if I’d heard from you.”

“Oh God... Taehyung please don’t tell me you told him I spent the night at your place.”

“I told him.”

“Why!? Why would you do that!?”

Hyerin’s only a few feet behind him, so as her head turns and her prying gaze briefly catches your eyes you glance around the two of you quickly, checking that no one else heard your brief outburst.

“I- I didn’t realize- I don’t know? I’m sorry?”

Taking a deep breath in you close your eyes to calm yourself. You don’t mean to yell at him, he hasn’t done anything wrong or gone against verbalized wishes. You know this. You’re just on edge, emotional, and you didn’t want Jungkook to know where you were.

“Is it because it’s me? You didn’t want him to know you were with me?” He asks.

“What? Taehyung, oh my God, no! It’s not about you.” You try not to raise your voice anymore, though you were sure you were probably scowling at him, annoyed with his assumptions.

“Forget I asked.” He’s good at keeping his voice level, manages to not react after you, but you can tell he’s just as annoyed with you when a muscle tenses in his jaw. “Which one do you want?”

He raises the two drinks in his hands, one’s holding a clear plastic cup with dark liquid chilled over ice, and in the other he has a large paper cup, presumably the same dark liquid but hot. It’s a harsh reminder that you’re being snappy with the wrong person. No matter how irritable you were, he didn’t deserve the back end of it. All he did was give to you, even now when you keep being rude to him.

“Tae, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to-”

“It’s okay.”

“No, I’m sorry. I just got upset because… I’m not ready to talk to Jungkook and I don’t want him knowing where I am.”

“If you’re worried he’s gonna pop up on you, I don’t think it’s like that. He seemed really worried and I think he wanted to know you’re safe.”

Yeah, you think, that’s exactly what he said.

You finally take the hot coffee from his hand, finding a way to divert the conversation away from Jungkook.

“Thank you for this.”

“Of course. I have to leave soon. I’m shooting this guy for his acting portfolio. Then my friend is working a fashion shoot afterwards and invited me to help so I’m not sure when I’ll be done. I wanted to give you this.” With his free hand he reaches into his back pocket and pulls out a shiny gold key. “Just got it copied.”

He smiles widely, giggling as you hesitantly take the key into your own hand. You don’t know why he’s gushing about this but it has butterflies floating in your stomach.

“Is this to your apartment?”

“Where else? I mean- this isn’t me asking you to be my roommate but... I wanted you to have somewhere to go even if I’m not home.”

“Tae! You didn’t need to go copy a whole key I- I don’t know what to say.”

“You don’t have to say anything.”

-----

Taehyung’s apartment is empty when you get there after work, and while it’s not surprising because he did say he had work you still feel disappointed. Leaving work you were eager to get some alone time, but not like this.

All your coworkers actually showed up today, and being that it was the day after New Year’s, everyone wanted to talk about how great their New Year went. The universe was making a mock out of you, you were sure of it. A few of the girls priorly knew about your plans with Jungkook and had hopeful heart eyes as they asked about the cruise, and while the actual night was fine, yesterday was not something you even wanted to think about.

You’d always find a way out, excusing yourself to go make copies or apologizing because “I really need to finish writing this report.” Your sweet coworkers, they understood. Saying, “Right, I need to respond to a few emails” before running back to their own cubicles and leaving you alone. That is until a new question popped in their mind that’d have them strolling back over.

You were the only woman in your office with a standing long-term relationship, they all loved to live vicariously through you while struggling with their own love lives. You knew you’d break their hearts when you’d finally have to tell them the truth. At least for today, you omitted that bit of the story. Not only for their sake, but also for yours. It’s embarrassing to say the least.

You’re not sure yet what it says about you to be someone who got cheated on. Will people wonder what you did to push him that far? Will they pity you? Will they figure you must be a bad girlfriend and did something wrong?

Did you do something wrong?

Making your way to the kitchen you decide to scavenge Taehyung’s fridge for something to eat. Your stomach started grumbling a few hours ago after you made the silly choice of skipping lunch. Looking back, you’re not sure why you did because the persistent headache you’ve had since morning is likely due to the fact that you haven’t ate anything. Unfortunately for you and your pain his fridge is empty of anything edible, only stocked with a carton of milk, a pack of bottled water and a single bottle of wine.

“How do men survive like this?” You mutter, deciding to at least continue to hydrate your organs if you couldn’t feed them. You slump onto a chair at his small dining table thinking, Jungkook’s fridge would also look like that if it weren’t for me.

Across from you, his shiny macbook seems to wave hello, and beyond that you notice his camera bag is on the chair. If his camera is here then he can’t be at a photo shoot right now. Unless his friend told him not to bring it, then again why would you tell a photographer not to bring their camera? It’s possible he’s already been home, but you haven’t a clue where he’d be now.

The laptop shimmers in the light, begging for your attention once more, quietly reminding you about the interesting contents it holds.

“I know.” You grumble aloud. More to yourself because you are aware it’s an inanimate object that can’t actually communicate and it’s your own conscious taunting you. Yes, the pictures, I know.

The tempting voice asks if you’re even a little bit curious, if there’s a small part of you that wants to know what Taehyung saw in Jungkook that night? How he knew it before you, how he knows when he doesn’t even really know. It’s in the pictures like he’d said, and you could easily pass your fingertips over the smooth surface, you could open the lid, you could see for yourself.

But wouldn’t that be an invasion of privacy? Snooping through his laptop while he’s not even here just to see the way Jungkook interacts with some girl feels selfish and wrong. He probably has a lock on there anyway.

Oh but dear, the laptop says, he wanted you to see them after all! You could look through his camera, they might still be there. Taehyung wouldn’t mind at all! You should check!

It’s tempting, you think back, but I don’t know…

Don’t you wanna see the face of the woman who he found room in his heart for?

The words are way too personal, a blatant throw back of Jungkook’s confession. Another reminder that you definitely aren’t talking to a laptop and this is just conflicting dialogue in your own head.

Maybe there is a part of you that wants to know. It’ll probably hurt but you won’t stop wondering if you never look. Even just once.

You move from one seat to the other, placing his bag onto the table carefully. You’re gentle as you pull the Canon from it’s compartment, the weight of it shifting into both palms reminds you that if you do anything wrong your friend just might kill you because this baby costs (literal) thousands.

Thankfully, as the camera comes to life his, presumably, last photo taken appears on the small square screen which means you don’t have to press a million buttons just to find what you’re looking for. You scroll through the first photos, dozens of group shots of people wearing different hot pink garments, wondering briefly what the photo shoot was for. Eventually you land on close up photos of a younger guy, the head shots for Taehyung’s friend, you’re close. Until finally, there’s a photo of an older man and woman holding two thumbs up, the festive backdrop giving away they’re at a holiday party.

This is it.

You take a moment before continuing to scroll, preparing yourself mentally because you aren’t sure when you will finally land on a picture of the two in search, but you will reach them and when you do, you must contain your emotions.

It’s fine, it’ll be fine.

Moving on, you’re slower this time, carefully scanning each passing photo to be sure not to miss Jungkook. The first few ones, or rather last several, are group shots with the same old man as before, until they become more candid.

The first time you spot him, he’s in the background giving some guy a hug.

There’s another photo of him at a table, not alone, but not speaking to anyone. He’s completely unaware that he’s being captured in the background which makes his oblivious doe-like daze a little adorable. He’s so cute, you think. Also oblivious to the smile that’s perked on your lips.

That is until you skip to the next photo and noticeably feel it drop when you finally see her. Somehow, you just know. There’s a second woman in the photo who seems to be talking with her hands, Lia’s smiling and making eye contact, but Jungkook’s eyes are on Lia.

You pass it, moving onto something else. There’s another. This time, they’re the focus of the photo, sitting at a table with another you haven’t met, all engaged in laughter.

You skip a few more, until the next one with them is again in the background. He’s smirking but you can’t see her face because she’s sat at an angle and her hair’s in the way.

The next photo is captured from behind, but you know it’s them because of her red dress and the fact you can recognize Jungkook from any angle by now. One arm around his shoulder and her head leaning into him, what warranted her to come this close?

You pass many, many more photos until you see them again. A posed picture, with the same guy from the laughing one, and like this you can really get a good look at her. You’re not too prideful to admit that she is beautiful and she holds an enticing look in her eyes. Maybe that’s her special feature, but other than that what’s special about her? Past the pretty face and perfect smile, what separates her from you? What was there under her surface? How’d she win over Jungkook?

The next pictures you go through are mostly boring, just photos of everyone at the party eating and conversing. But there’s one common factor in all of them with Lia and Jungkook, he was always looking at her. Most of the time smiling while he did so. And most of that time, she was looking at him too.

There’s something obvious there, that maybe Taehyung also saw, they have a connection. That, even if you hadn’t known him, you would think they had something going on too with all the ridiculous googly eyes. But with that, because you know him, there’s something else you see- That he is absolutely fascinated by her, drawn to her, intrigued. Whatever special thing she possessed, he’s latched onto it and it’s pulled him away from you.

Tears begin to well and you have to set the camera down to wipe them away harshly. It’s annoying, this marks the third time today, and if you let yourself cry now it’ll only worsen your headache into a migraine. You don’t want to cry over him, he doesn’t deserve it. Crying means you care and well, obviously you care. You love him, but he doesn’t deserve that either. Why should you still love him after what he’s done to you?

It’s useless to keep rubbing your eyes, your knuckles pointlessly tug the skin just for them to become wet again. You didn’t want to cry but your body was intent on releasing it’s frustration.

It’s not fair that after so much time together this other person just gets to come in and move his heart- quite literally, like he said, making room inside of it. It’s not fair that just two months ago he said to you he couldn’t see himself with anybody else just to fall for another girl who knows how long after. Maybe it’d happened before he even said it. The fact that he was willing to explore how he felt about her should’ve been a dead giveaway that he was in denial at the time. Maybe you were too.

Could it be that she’s the reason your relationship spiraled in the first place? After he started work that’s when the distance between you two started to extend. There were a lot of other things you thought it could be. You thought he was depressed over the new job, closed off from you because he was closed off to the world. And at the time, you tried your best to be the optimistic one. You tried to lift his spirits and be encouraging but maybe it wasn’t enough. Where did you go wrong? Where did you fail at making him happy?

Why weren’t you enough?

You desperately want to know what it is about her- what is it that Lia has and you don’t?

Is it all because he felt you weren’t reciprocating his efforts to fix things? Maybe you didn’t try hard enough. You should’ve done more- you should’ve been more affectionate and caring. You should’ve loved him better.

You flinch at the soft thud of the door closing, jumping out of your seat because it’s startled you. It’s just Taehyung, standing there silently with a harsh expression of worry.

“You were crying.” He says plainly, a hint of guilt in his tone.

“No.” You lie, wiping your face once more and forcing a laugh.

He shakes his head as he makes his way to you, setting a white to-go box on the table before standing in front of you.

“You think I’m stupid? Your eyes are red.” His voice is unnecessarily gentle as he cups your face in both hands, thumbs wiping away left over traces of tears. The sound of his voice alone makes your entire chest warm- you hate it. “Also, I saw you.”

“I’m fine.” You push his hands away because his affections are way too much for your weakened heart to handle. He seems displeased. “What’d you get?”

He glances at the table and then back to you. The pierce of his brown eyes makes your lungs constrict, even his gaze is difficult to hold.

“Fried chicken. You saw the pictures?”

“O- y-yea…” You force yourself to look away- if you breathe properly maybe you can talk without sounding like a moron. “I’m really sorry for going through your things I just got curious and I shouldn’t have but that’s-”

“It’s okay, Y/n.” He assures you, “Are you okay?”

Your mouth forms to say yes and he already knows the lie to come, fixing his question before you can.

“I mean you’re not okay. I’m asking if you wanna talk about it.”

“It’s okay.” There were too many layers to uncover, between your emotions and the pictures and your anniversary and what really happened at that party, “It’s a lot.”

He shrugs at your words like they don’t matter, “I’ve got some time. And I’ve got food.”

“Tae-”

“Tell me what’s on your mind.”

“I’m just confused. But I don’t want to ramble and get upset.”

“Why are you confused?”

“I just… I don’t understand Jungkook. I don’t understand why he likes that girl. I don’t understand why I wasn’t good enough. I don’t understand why he was so good to me if there was someone else, even after what happened, all the way until I found that he fucking let her-” You stop there, unsure what words to use to explain what happened other than the disgusting frank description that was there in your mind. Your stomach was already churning, you couldn’t say it.

“He let her…?”

“They… you know…” You vaguely wave your hands between your bodies, back and forth from the direction of your mouth to his crotch, hoping he caught on to the innuendo and wouldn’t force you to be explicit. He’d already successfully tricked in you into saying more than you originally wanted to.

“Ahh, wow um…” Surprised, he understands, but uncertain with himself if that’s really what you meant. If only he knew just how bad it gets.

“Yes, and I don’t want to talk about it.”

“Alright, alright.” He holds his hands up defensively, letting the topic go at once.

At some point over the last few months he’d stopped being passive and tried harder to pry information out of you when you were being closed off. Not too forcefully, but it was silently appreciated. You’d become grateful for his willingness to listen to whatever was weighing on your mind no matter the topic, it was always followed with thoughtful responses and advice. Now though, it’s a bit more frustrating. Something about this was different. This was not something that was easy to open up about and you wished he would say OK and let it be.

You know there’s an elephant in the room and at some point the healthy thing to do will be talking about it and having that conversation with him, your closest friend, but today wasn’t it.

He makes his way to the farthest side of the table, “Well, I’ll have to eat dinner with you quickly because I have to go check on a tenant downstairs. Their heater isn’t working and as you can imagine in the middle of winter they aren’t happy about it.”

“If you have business to take care of it’s fine. I need to go back to my apartment anyway to grab some things before Jungkook gets home and then find a hotel somewhere.”

“You’re being ridiculous, you don’t need a hotel. And you should at least eat first.”

“It’s okay, I’m not hungry.” Your prolonged headache would beg to differ but you didn’t have much of an appetite anymore. You’re not sure how to respond to his first remark because it’s obvious you don’t have anywhere else to stay. You’d stay here, but only if he offered. You weren’t going to ask since you had no plan and it’d be quite the favor to ask someone to crash at their place for an indefinite period of time. “Ah, also, I don’t have my key… would you mind helping me get in?”

“Not at all.” A moment of silence drags on for a minute too long as he stares at you sadly, worrying his bottom lip, until he speaks up again. “You sure you don’t want to eat something?”

“I’m sure.”

With that, he heads over to the cabinet below the kitchen sink and pulls out of a bulky rectangular safe. Upon unlocking it there’s nearly a hundred keys organized on rows of hooks- a key to every room in the entire complex. He plucks yours straight from the center and then begins to count towards the bottom before he pulls another one.

After locking everything back up and putting it in it’s discreet place he places the keys in your hands silently. One reads 503, the other 705.

“What is this?”

“There’s a furnished room on the top floor. It’s clean, it’s got running water and it’s all yours.”

“Huh?”

“We only use it for tours because it has extra square footage compared to the other one bedrooms- don’t tell anybody that. Also, please do not lose these because if Mr.Lee finds out I’m doing this-”

“I understand!” You sputter, gripping the cold metal tightly. “Thank you, Taehyung.”

He beams at you, “It’s no problem. You still have a key here so don’t feel like you’re not welcome to visit.”

To visit, right, not to stay.

You weren’t going to ask him, no, but you do feel disappointed that he hadn’t offered. And maybe that’s selfish of you to think considering he’s risking his job just to offer you a private place of comfort and here you are wondering why you can’t stay with him.

You can’t help but feel this is his subtle way of getting rid of you, which is fair, your moodiness is probably annoying. Still, he’s being nothing but kind and going out of his way for you, and yet for some reason it’s all making you sad.

-----

It’s been exactly 10 days since you’ve seen Jungkook, which is impressive considering you both return home to the same complex every day and have yet to cross paths. For the first time ever you were thankful for the difference in your schedules, by now assuming that he was likely back to his usual 10 AM to 6 PM shift and that’s why you two hadn’t. But, you’d be a liar if you said you didn’t wish to see him every day.

There were countless times you had to stop yourself from calling him, thinking I just want to see how he’s doing. In the morning, on the way to work, in the evening, on the train, at night- especially at night, especially when you had to lay in bed alone. Other times you instinctively pressed for 5 on the elevator, only remembering you were on the wrong level when the doors opened to familiarity, you would consider for a moment getting off and just going back home, but deep down you knew better than to make that mistake. Your self control was also impressive.

In your own defense, your moments of weakness were absolutely valid, you two had been inseparable since that first day of sophomore year over three years ago, you never went more than two days without seeing each other. Well, that’s not entirely true. There was the winter break before you started dating, and his family’s week long vacation two summers ago, but you still talked every day so it’s not the same.

This last year in particular your lives were built around each other- you freaking moved in together. Every day for a year you woke up and he was there, you went to sleep and he was there, right next to you. Even your body knew that something was missing as it tossed and turned at night, falling asleep had become difficult. Unless you cried, but you tried to minimize that to every other day.

The spacious apartment did not help your loneliness either, you tried to find comfort and treat it like a get away, but really it was unfamiliar and lacked personal touch. You didn’t even feel like a guest in someone else’s home, the space felt outside of reality, outside of your norm.

The only time things didn’t feel so odd were when you were with Taehyung. In his space he provided the consistent comfort you craved. The only problem was that the past week just so happened to be a week he was packed with gig after gig after gig. He’d been very busy with his photography and while he did his best to call you throughout the days and make sure you were simply surviving, the physical time you spent together had dwindled down significantly. Another hard pill to swallow since you’d gotten used to seeing him every day too.

Your loneliness was becoming suffocating.

Thankfully tonight some of the girls from your job made dinner plans that you were included in, which turned into an impromptu trip to a nearby karaoke bar afterwards. It was a nice break away from your usual routine to go out and spend time with friends rather than sitting inside alone on a Friday night. It was also the most you’d laughed all week.

Your plan for when you got back to the apartment complex was to go straight inside, change out of your work clothes, quickly go through your bedtime routine before your mind had a chance to start wandering through every reason you had to be sad, and go to sleep. That all becomes impossible the second you step into 705 and are welcomed by it’s freezing cold draft, it feels like you’ve just stepped back outside into the winter night.

The thermostat claims the heat is on, set to 70 degrees, but the current indoor temperature reads as 42 degrees fahrenheit.

“Jesus Christ, not me.” You groan at the ceiling, letting your bag thump to the ground before bending over to fish for your cell phone.

To: Tae [9:42 PM]

Please tell me you’re home :(

You hold the phone in your hand for a few minutes, waiting for his message to pop up on the screen but his reply is not immediate. You begin to worry because he’s typically a quick responder as long as he’s not working, and though it’s late maybe he was still at a shoot, or he also decided to go out tonight. Either way, you’d have to figure out what to do because there was no way you could sleep in this place tonight.

From: Tae [9:47 PM]

I’m here

Sorry about that I was making tea

what’s up angel?

A-Angel?

You’re not sure that he’s ever called you that before and don’t know where it’s come from and your face may be heating up at the pet name but there’s more important matters at hand.

To: Tae [9:48 PM]

Uhh hate to bother you but… I think the heaters broken

From: Tae [9:48 PM]

Nooo You’re the third person this week :(

From: Tae [9:49 PM]

I’m sorry, do you wanna sleep here?

Do you even have to ask?

---

When you arrive downstairs moments later he welcomes you in with a tight hug, as if it’s been months since he’s seen you but it’s only been three days. Regardless, the affection is much needed as you’ve been deprived of all physical forms, you feel yourself wanting to reach back out as he pulls away.

“I still have hot water, do you want me to make you some tea?”

“Hm, I’m okay, but thank you.” You were still fairly stuffed from dinner and the several virgin margaritas you enjoyed during karaoke.

Leaving your bags in the living room, you follow his path into the kitchen. Sure enough, there’s a kettle on the counter next to a small box and mug, he moves quickly to clean up the small mess and put things back into their place.

“Well since you’re here, do you want to watch a movie or anything? I think there’s a new episode of that weird sci-fi show you like.”

“First of all if you’re talking about Black Mirror, it’s not weird, but yes there’s a new interactive movie.”

He glances back to roll his eyes at you before dusting scraps into the trash bin. “You made me watch an episode where they trapped someone’s consciousness into a teddy bear… it’s a little weird.”

“There was so much to take away from that episode and that’s still all you talk about!”

When season four had first come out, you and Jungkook nearly finished it within a week, but life got in the way and you never got a chance to finish. One day you decided to just complete the season without him and enjoy the finale with Taehyung who’d never seen the show. You thought it’d be fun, thinking he’d provide insightful commentary, instead, he couldn’t get passed how cruel it was a character couldn’t express sadness beyond “Monkey needs a hug.”

“Would you rather talk about the guy who literally got off on murdering someone?”

“He-- no, please.”

He’s smiling as he walks back over to you and you can’t help but giggle because okay it is kind of weird and maybe you should’ve chosen a different episode to introduce him to but it was still really good!

“I’ll let you show me another episode, preferably one less dark.”

For whatever reason, he pulls your head against his chest to rest his own atop yours and wraps you back into his warmth. This time your heart immediately starts to race, nervous about the random affection, though your arms don’t hesitate to wrap around him either.

“It’s okay, I actually just wanna go to sleep.”

“Oh… okay...” He holds you tighter, sounding a bit disappointed.

You squeeze him back, a way of silently apologizing. You expect him to pull away then, but he doesn't, and neither do you because even with a jumping heart being like this was too comfortable. He was always so warm, and so cuddly, and his clothes always smelled like lavender. Which would confuse your brain at first when you’d get a whiff of him, the light fragrance so contrasting to that of your favorite- a warm blend of citrus notes and amber on Jungkook- but you also adored whatever floral fabric softener Taehyung used because you found it calming. In fact, you could stand here forever because the combination of all he had to offer was that relaxing. So relaxing that you can’t help but ask-

“Tae…” You release your hold so that you can step back and look at him but he doesn’t let you go, only slides his hands to the lower part of your back providing enough space for eye contact, responding with a yes? “Can I… sleep in your bed tonight?”

“I guess so? I don’t mind taking the couch.”

“No, I mean, with you.”

“Uh-” You catch the way his eyebrows almost raise with widening eyes before he can stop the reaction. You worry about the implications of your words.

“Unless it’s weird. Is that weird? I’m sorry.”

“No!” His hands abruptly fall away, swiping at the back of high thighs as he creates room between you two. “Not at all, I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be. I’m- it’s just hard sleeping alone, you know?”

“Y-yeah, it’s alright.”

Not long afterwards, after you both had changed and freshened up, you found yourself sitting up in Taehyung’s bed with your back against the wall. It seems silly to you now that you’ve never slept together let alone even stepped foot in his bedroom. But before all this, things were different, and even though you’re only friends it definitely would’ve been inappropriate taking all things into consideration- Taehyung’s feelings, your relationship, maybe even your fleeting non-platonic thoughts about him.

Now, you don’t question it too much, it’s not inappropriate or weird. You’re the only one making it a little weird because you keep thinking about the fact that Taehyung still likes you, or at least you assume so, and that he could use this opportunity to make a move on you. Deep down you know he would never, he’s too respectable for that. Maybe you’d let him- ONLY because you’re vulnerable! He knows that. Which is why he shouldn’t, he’d be taking advantage of that. He won’t, but you still wonder if he will. Even as he rambles on about the earl grey tea his mom bought from Europe, a small yet very expensive Christmas present. There’s a reason why this French tea company is so special, but you wouldn’t know because see, you’re being weird.

How Jungkook would feel about all of this? What’s he up to anyway?

“Y/N? Are you listening to me?”

You’re startled by the sound of your name, but you nod furiously. “Of course, Tae. You were saying your mom and… amazing French company, great story!”

He shakes his head disapprovingly, “That’s how I know you weren’t paying attention. My mom bought the tea in France but it’s a Singaporean company!”

“Oh, see! I was close! I just missed that one little tidbit.”

He squints his eyes at you, knowing you’re telling a tale. Letting out an exaggerated sigh he rotates on his side to face you and props his elbow to rest his head in his palm. “Alright, what’s wrong? Spill the tea. No pun intended.”

“I know you’ll think I’m an idiot but I’m gonna say it. I miss Jungkook.”

“No I won’t!” He sits up fully in bed, seeing that the thoughts that plague you are deeper than he anticipated. He mirrors your image, crossing his legs before reaching to hold both your hands. “First of all you’re not an idiot and I would never think so little of you. It’s okay if you miss Jungkook, it’s expected. You don’t just forget about someone you love overnight or even within a week.”

Was that true, though?

“Why not? He did.”

Whether in the blink of an eye or months before you realized, he’d forgotten about you, forgotten what you meant to him, forgotten what you two had. Or is it that he didn’t love you anymore and that’s what made you so easy to forget?

“Didn’t I already tell you he’s a dumbass?” He grins, but you can’t find it in you to laugh, the insult doesn’t even make you feel the slightest bit better.

He sighs, rubbing his thumbs over the back of your hands. “Can I ask you something?”

You nod.

“Do you want to save your relationship?”

Your hands pull away, not because of him, but almost as if to brace yourself for the weight of reality as you press them into the bed on either side of you. You hadn’t really thought about that, your thought process never got that far. Would Jungkook even want that?

“I don’t know that it's possible. Jungkook told me he likes Lia, and if that’s true, then it’s serious. He isn’t easily swayed by pretty faces.”

Taehyung snorts, “Who said anything about her being pretty?”

Your arch a brow at him, unsure if he’s trying to insinuate something. “Well I saw her, she is pretty but… that’s just it, that's not the point. He actually needs to get to know someone if he’s gonna pursue them. I told you before how in college there were so many girls interested in him and he didn't like any of them. Not even me. Not until he knew me.”

“And now he likes her…”

“Exactly.”

“But that’s not what I asked. Put him aside for a moment and stop thinking about what he feels. What is it that you want?” He asks, pressing a finger into your knee.

What I want? That is still a lot to consider. A lot that you haven’t gone over. You’ve only focused on the current distance between the two of you, and keeping it that way until you felt strong enough to face him. You’ve only gone through past memories, you hadn’t thought of what the future held nor what you wanted it to.

“I don’t know, Tae. It sounds ridiculous but I can’t envision my life without him. The idea of going back to him feels daunting because I don’t know how to forgive him for what he did or how to trust him after this. Or even, how I could allow myself to love him. I don’t have answers but it’s like if I don’t then what? Where do I go and who do I become?”

“You don’t become anyone, if not just a better version of yourself. You don’t need him to have a complete identity.”

“That’s easy for you to say-”

“I know it’s easy for me to say,” His rebuttal is sharp, almost defensive. “No I didn’t just spend the last three years of my life with someone just for them to shit all over our history, but I’m right. You were somebody long before you even met him and you will still be somebody without him, if you choose to let him go.”

“I know that, but it’s not just easy for me to say, okay, bye Jungkook, and go on and be content with being alone.”

“You think you’d be alone?”

“Well, yes?”

It all circles back to what you first said, you can’t envision life without him. Even if you try, there’s nothing there, you, but nothing more. Maybe that should be enough, but that blank image in your mind feels empty, life would be lackluster and dull, something would always be missing.

“That’s not true.” He looks down for a moment, finding a loose string on his comforter to tug on. “You have me.”

At that, and as his eyes finds yours, the air in the room starts to thicken. The statement feels too direct. You know he means that as a reminder of his loyal friendship, you know it’s his way of saying hey I’m here, but it feels like something more.

“As long as I’m alive, you’ll always have me.”

“Hm, like forever.” Your own gaze slips away this time, unable to stop yourself from chuckling at the boundless promise of his words. An older version of you may have believed him, a version of you that believes love is timeless, the version of you with a committed boyfriend. You want to believe him because Taehyung is honest, he wouldn’t say it if he didn’t mean it. But words like this have been spoken truthfully to you before and look where it’s brought you.

“Jungkook and I are not the same.” It’s almost embarrassing how well Taehyung knows you, how spot on he is about what you’re thinking. “There was a point in time Jungkook couldn’t even see you, he didn’t see you then and he doesn’t see you now. Me?” He stops himself, you can tell by his tone that he knows he’s crossing a line again, about to walk past usual boundaries, about to say something he couldn’t have said before today, but he says it anyway. “The way I’ve felt about you has never changed. Every day I still feel what I felt the day I first met you… Even when you’ve confused me, even when you’ve cursed me, even when you’ve pushed me away, even when you defined the line in the sand and made it clear we could never be more than friends, even when you don’t see me… I feel it. So yes, like forever.”

You’re too afraid to look at him because you think you might crack the way you once had months ago, when a flood of emotion for him overtook you, when you considered giving into him.

“And I’m not asking you to- I’m not saying anything other than I’ve come with you this far and… whatever you do, nothing's gonna change.”

You have no words for him, nothing coherent, at least for now. You nearly throw yourself at him, sprouting up from your position on the left side of the bed to wrap your arms around his neck. He reacts quickly, thankfully, because as he falls sideways onto the mattress with a huff you realize you could’ve sent him tumbling backwards to the floor which would’ve been bad for the both of you.

You feel the soft laughter rumble beneath his chest as he tightens his hold around you, “Thank you?”

You’re overwhelmed with both gratitude and frustration, so much so that you think you could cry. How did you get so damn lucky to have this man in your life? It wasn’t fair. Logically, and karmically, it was not fair. Even as he said and listed reasons he’s had to pull back, to change his mind, to drop you, he hasn’t. He genuinely loves and supports you unconditionally and you don’t know how the hell that happened or why but there’s one thing you are certain of.

You are more than lucky, you are blessed to have Taehyung. And you hope that this friendship is eternal because you can’t imagine having to lose him too.

----

“Do you remember the first time we ate here?”

“Of course I do.”

You’d spent the first half of your Saturday lounging in bed, or rather Taehyung’s bed, all by yourself because he’d had an early morning shoot for… something you don’t remember because you were half asleep when he’d said. You’d stayed that way for a while, grumpily, because you were starving and too lazy to go out and eat and too stubborn to order delivery. By lunch time when your hunger hit peak aggravation you sent him a very aggressive text message in all caps to PLEASE BUY SOME FUCKING GROCERIES YOU DON’T EVEN HAVE BREAD. He promptly responded with a slew of laughing emojis, then letting you know he was already ten minutes away and to meet him downstairs.

He’d taken you the short walk to the taco truck around the corner, the very first place you hung out, a very telling choice after what he said last night.

“You never did thank me for showing you the best taco place in town.” He flicks at his bangs dramatically, turning a shoulder to you in faux offense.

“That’s because it’s not. I mean, it’s good but my favorite is this restaurant up north.”

“Why have you never taken me then?”

“They closed down last summer.”

“Must not have been too good.” He looks at you pointedly, flicking at his silky strands once more. You raise a fist, pretending like you might hit him, though you’re laughing at his obnoxiousness.

“I promise, you would’ve loved it.”

Just then, a lady pokes her head out from the wide window, calling your name for your order. Taehyung is first to run over and grab the small bag, though you take it back from him, offering to carry it on the walk back.

“Can I ask you something?”

“Sure.”

“What was your first impression of me?”

“Oh…” His question comes as a surprise, but you don’t think much of it, reflecting back to the day last spring. The very first time you met. “I thought you were very polite.”

“What about the first time we ate back there?”

“Well,” That question takes a little bit more digging. You have to remember the things you talked about that night, how you felt, how he seemed. “You seemed so… so… normal. Like, before that, I guess I kind of put you on a pedestal, I don’t know. You just seemed so composed and confident and like you had everything together but then we talked and you opened up to me and it was like ah, we’re not so different. It was refreshing.”

You look over to him and smile, he smiles, but he keeps his gaze towards to concrete as you continue up the block.

“Why do you ask? What was your first impression of me?”

“That you were the most beautiful girl I’d ever seen.”

You instantly stop in your tracks, it takes him a second to register but when he does the balls of his feet scratch against the gravel as he turns around.

“Stop it.” You say, squinting your eyes suspiciously at him because why is he trying to flirt and joke around right now it’s making me blush! “Tell me.”

“That’s it?” Even his eyes frown at you, confused why you won’t accept his answer.

You roll your eyes and push past him, taking a right at the corner as you continued ahead. His legs are long so it doesn’t take anything of him to catch up, and he asks why you don’t believe him.

“I thought you were attractive but I gave you a better answer than that.”

“Wait-” He takes a few skips to jump in front of you, forcing you to come to another stop as he blocks the way. “You thought I was attractive?”

“What? I said you were handsome.”

“No, you said attractive.” He says, wiggling his eyebrows.

Oh my God, did I?

“I- it doesn’t matter, it’s basically the same thing.”

You step right, he steps left, you step left, he steps right, refusing to let you go around while he dons a ridiculous smirk that you try really hard not to look at.

“What!”

“Don’t you wanna know my first impression?”

“...yes.”

“Don’t judge me.” He points a finger at you, waiting on your nod before he continues, tucking his hand back into his coat pocket. “When we were standing in the elevator together, my heart was beating so fast because I was so nervous, but I thought you were mean! You kept giving me short answers and you glared at me when I was just trying to be helpful!”

“Come on, you asked me where I lived, give me a break.”

He giggles, “I was just nervous and talking out of order. But then you relaxed after I told you who I was, and you even laughed at something I said and…”

“And…?”

“I felt really warm. My heart, my insides,” One hand moves from the left side of his chest then down to his abdomen. You can see that he hesitates, biting on the corner of his lip nervously, but he looks back to you and sees the harsh expression on your face. “It’s stupid.” He forces a laugh and continues to walk home. You’re only about 10 yards away, the front entrance is visible not far beyond him.

He’s misread your reaction, misunderstood your furrowed expression. You weren’t frowning at him because of judgement or because you thought it was stupid, you were frowning out of pure confusion because he’d described the same feeling he’s given to you.

And it was so simple, such a simple feeling, a simple word. But, warm, yes, you understood. You felt it too that very first day, you felt it the first time you hung out. You feel it when he looks at you, when he talks, when he hugs you, just being next to him in itself was like sitting by a fire. You were never sure what it was or what it meant, you never looked too much into it, but if the sentiment was mutual shouldn’t you tell him you feel it too?

You run ahead to catch up, he’s still standing outside the door, presumably waiting for you to go inside.

Taehyung had said before that you always know what to say, but you disagree. Maybe when it comes to uplifting others kind words come naturally, but you aren’t good with words themself, at least not when it comes to sharing and expressing your emotions.

That is precisely why you cup his face into your hands as he turns to you, unbothered by the tacos that get smushed somewhere between your arm and his chest, raising onto the balls of your feet and pulling him down the distance you couldn’t close to press your lips into his.

You’re not entirely sure why you’re kissing Taehyung, or rather you can’t explain why. It’s impulsive but it feels right as that familiar feeling overtakes your entire chest, replacing the vacant ache you’d grown accustomed to over the last week and a half and overwhelming you with so much desire for more. And at first, he gives in to you. His gentle hands find your hips, head turning as his mouth opens in sync with yours to deepen the kiss.

In that moment you place words on the purpose. Kissing him said way more than your grateful hugs ever could, and that was all you’d done before. But this wasn’t even about saying thank you, this was about admitting that maybe you felt the exact same way. This was easier than facing the fact that there really was no reason to keep suppressing your emotions. But then he abruptly pulls away, eyes wide as he sounds frightened when he says your name.

Your heart sinks because he’s looking at you like you’ve just done something you should not have done. Heat creeps up over your ears, this time because you’re actually uncomfortable, completely embarrassed because maybe you just made a mistake.

Your open your mouth to say something but nothing comes out, stuck on shock, you don’t know how to even begin saying sorry.

“Jungkook is inside.”

Wait… what?

If you couldn’t speak before, you definitely couldn’t now as all the air escapes your lungs, frozen and unable to breathe. You want to believe that you heard him wrong, or that he didn’t even say Jungkook’s name. But you’re too terrified to even look and confirm. You still aren’t ready, you don’t know what feelings will come up just by seeing him. Worst of all, you don’t know if Jungkook just watched you kiss Taehyung and you cringe at the thought.

You look right, and sure enough, on the other side of the clear glass Jungkook stands there just feet away looking right at you. The way your heart picks up speed is almost painful, you can tell by the disgruntled look on his face he’s seen everything.

TBC

#taehyung scenarios #jungkook scenarios #bts scenarios #taehyung x reader #bts imagines #bts fanfic

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wordsandshawn · 7 years

Text

Before You Say Yes

An imagine based on the first half of this quote (x)

Its a bit different, but I really like the way it turned out. Its basically seven imagines in one, so its a lot longer than normal :) I hope it makes up for how little I've been posting lately.

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“Y/n,” Shawn starts with a nervous smile on his face, grabbing both your hands in his, “I love you.” You can’t help but close the space between you two, sensing what is happening. You wrap your arms around him, resting your cheek against his chest as he continues. “I love every part of you. I love your sleepy smiles and messy hair in the morning, and I love the sound of your laugh and listening to your jokes. I like your random comments, and how much you love chocolate. I love you, and I love getting to come home to you after a trip or a long day at work. I love falling asleep next to you at night, and I want to do it for the rest of my life.” He’s gets down on one knee, and you know what’s coming next. It’s everything your eight year old self dreamed of happening one day. “Will you marry me?” He questions, pulling a ring box out of his pocket and opening it to reveal the most beautiful ring you've ever seen. You already know what you’re going to say. You’ve known for a long time. But in this moment, before you answer, you remember something your dad had told you when you were thirteen years old, long before you had even met Shawn, but it was about marriage and it had stuck with you all this time.

He said, “Before you say yes, get him angry...”

“Y/n, you’ve got to be fucking kidding me.” The anger in Shawn’s voice is evident, and its matching the anger you feel yourself.

“I’m not kidding. I can’t go. I’m not going.” You respond.

“You said you would go.” He says, sounding exasperated.

“And I’m telling you now that I can’t.” You know you’re being kind of ridiculous, but plans change, and now you really can’t go with Shawn. You know he’s angry, and he has a right to be, but you really can't help it at this point. You have a huge exam tomorrow, and even though you had promised to meet his friends tonight for the first time, there is no way that you can go and hang out with his friends and still have enough time to study for the exam. And you really need to study for this exam.

He’s silent, and you don't blame him for being angry, but really, you can’t help it. “Y/n, I told everyone you were coming tonight. You already were supposed to meet them twice before and it didn’t happen.”

“I know, but those times weren’t my fault. I have to study for this exam, If I fail, I could fail the class. And I can’t afford to fail this class.” You try to explain.

He’s silent now, but you know he’s fuming. His friends are important to him, and you’re important to him, so he wants you to meet them. You’re changing the plans at the last minute, and thats not fair to him or his friends.

“I’m sorry,” You apologize again.

He shakes his head at you, but still doesn’t reply for another solid minute. you don’t know what else to say or do. Finally, he says, “Okay, I’m gonna go.”

“Wait, Shawn. Are you mad?” You ask. Its a dumb question. He’s mad, and you know it. But you don’t want him to be. You don’t want him to leave while being angry at you.

He doesn’t answer right away. “I’m fine. I know your classes are important. I’m just upset that you’re bailing so last minute.”

“I didn’t realize that I had so much material to go through before tomorrow.” You explain, then add. “I really didn’t mean to not go tonight.”

He shrugs, “I know. I’ll see you later.” He says, standing up from your couch and grabbing his phone.

You let out a defeated sigh as you watch him start heading toward the door, he takes a few steps before turning around and coming back towards you where you’re still seated on the couch. He leans down, kissing you. “Love you. I’ll see you tomorrow after your exam. Study hard.” He says before leaving. And even though you know he’s still mad, you feel so much better knowing that even when you upset him, he still wouldn't leave without kissing you goodbye.

“See him scared...”

“Shawn, its going to be fine.” You reassure him. He’s been quiet since he walked into this hospital room, too quiet. He shouldn’t be the one worried, you should. But of course, he’s worried on your behalf.

He finally meets your eyes with his, and you see it. He’s scared. Your heart sinks. Finally, he says, “I can’t lose you.”

“Shawn,” You force a smile, “You’re not losing me.”

“I know. I’m sorry baby. I’m supposed to be the strong one, but I’m scared to lose you.” He admits, not afraid to be vulnerable in front of you. You reach out your hand to him, and he instinctively grabs it. You pull his hand closer to you and he stands up and then leans over your bed.

“Shawn, you don’t have to be scared. Its a minor surgery, and I'm going to be fine.” You reassure him. You push down any doubts or hesitations or fears you have about the surgery, putting on a strong front.

He leans down, resting his head next to yours. “You’re right. You’re going to be fine.” He forces a small smile onto his face, “And I’ll see you as soon as you get out. I’ll be right there when you wake up.” He tells you, and you know he’s trying really hard to be strong for you. He’s trying really hard to hide that he’s scared now because he doesn’t want you to be afraid too. He wants to be the strong one.

“I’ll see you when I wake up?” You ask even though he did just say you would. You needed just a little more reassurance.

He squeezes your hand and then plants a kiss on your jaw. “Yes, I'll be waiting for you to wake up. I’ll see you as soon as they let me.” He promises.

“See him wanting...”

“God, y/n. I want it so badly.” Shawn tells you as you’re seated next to him in the limo on the way to the Grammy’s where Shawn is nominated for an award.

“Baby, I know. You worked so hard for it, but we’ll just have to wait and see.” You say, grabbing his hand and squeezing it.

“Its been my goal forever.” He remarks.

“I know, Shawn. And maybe this time you’ll get it.”

“And if I don't?” He questions. You know he’s not trying to be cynical, but just realistic.

“Then there’s always next year.” You tell him, and you can practically see him absorbing your words and thinking about them.

Finally, he nods. “There’s always next year. And win or lose, I still have you.” He reminds himself.

“Maybe, unless Harry Styles wins, then I might have to go after him instead.” You joke.

“That’s not funny.” He responds.

And you smile. “I’m sorry babe, I had to. But you know I’m joking. Win or lose, I'm always by your side.”

“See him sick...”

"I’m fine.” Shawn says, his voice raspy right before he erupts into a fit of coughs.

“You don’t sound fine to me.” You tell him. And then before he can argue, you say, “Don’t talk. You’ll only make it worse. You need to get better, which means you need to drink tea, and sleep.” You tell him. “I’ll make you some tea with honey.” You tell him, standing up from where you were seated on the couch. You know that Shawn is probably feeling a lot worse than he’s letting on right now, and the worst part is that he has a show tonight.

His management has been talking about canceling it, and trying to figure out what to do about the fact that Shawn really is sick, and they're not sure if he can put on a show or not. When you return with the tea, he takes a few sips, looking up at you with exhaustion written all over his face.

“You need rest.” You tell him when he’s finished with the tea, you lead him to his bunk, wishing that there was a bed that you two could actually lie on instead of him having to go into his bunk on the bus by himself.

You want him to cancel the show, knowing just how sick he is, but he doesn’t want to. And his management wants him to perform if it is at all possible. A doctor comes to see Shawn, and he seems to be feeling slightly better after the nap. The doctor concludes he just has a really bad cold, and he can inject steroids into Shawn to get him feeling well enough, and giving him the energy he needs to perform, but it does come with side effects.

You’re immediately against this idea, but Shawn is okay with it. He doesn’t seem thrilled to do it, but he seems to have accepted that this is the only way he's going to make it onto the stage tonight. He reassures you that he's done it before and that it’ll be fine. He shouldn’t be the one reassuring you in this moment, but he is.

“Baby,” He says, pulling you closer to him after the doctor leaves and only you two are left in the room.

“Shawn, you need to rest, you need sleep and fluids.” You tell him.

“I know. But, y/n, I need to go on stage tonight.” He responds.

“But you heard the doctor, the steroids have side effects.”

He just shakes his head lightly, “I know. Its not going to be fun, but I promise you, I’m going to be just fine.”

The doctor returns shortly with the steroids, and Shawn lets you hold his hand while he gets the injection, probably knowing you need to hold his hand more than he needs to hold yours, so he lets you. Afterwards, you lay in his arms, not caring if you get sick. You just want him to feel better, and once again, he reassures you that things will be okay.

“Stress changes a person.”

“No, I can’t.” Shawn is on the phone when he walks into your shared apartment. “I just don’t have time.” He says with a sigh, and you can tell he’s frustrated just by the sound of his voice. “I just--I’ll call you back, okay?” He offers you a small smile when he notices you looking over at him with a concerned look. “Yeah, yeah. Let me call you back. Okay, bye.”

“You alright?” You question when he hangs up.

“Yeah, that was just Andrew, he wanted to schedule another interview. But I just don’t think I have it in me.” This is so unlike Shawn. Normally, he’d just do the interview, thinking its not a big deal.

“Oh,” Is all you say before Shawn disappears into the bedroom. You’re about to follow him when you hear the shower start, so you decide to give him some time to himself instead. After about a half hour, you close your laptop and move to the bedroom, taking a seat on the bed. A few minutes later, Shawn emerges from the bathroom wearing gym shorts with his hair still wet. He comes over to you, lying down on the bed, resting his head near you. You run your fingers through his hair. His eyes fall closed, but you can still see worry lines on his forehead, so you cautiously ask, “Babe?”

“Mmm?” He replies, not opening his eyes.

“Are you okay?”

Now he opens his eyes to stare up at you. He nods slightly, but you can tell he’s not even convinced. “I’m just stressed.”

You lean down, placing a light kiss on his lips, “Tell me about it?” You offer.

“Just work stuff. Andrew wanting to schedule another interview, but I just can’t.” He explains without really explaining much.

“Why not? Are you not feeling well?” You question.

“I’m just stressed and I don’t want to talk to anyone, especially not on camera.” “Is there anything I can do to help?”

He nods, “Can you just hold me?” He questions, sitting up a little bit to fold himself up against you.

“Of course.” You say, wrapping your arms around your muscular 6′3″ boyfriend. This is such a reversal of roles and your small frame isn’t big enough to hold him the way he can hold you, but you try your best because you know its what he needs right now.

“Find out if he drinks and if he does, get him drunk - you’ll learn more about his sober thoughts.”

“I’m going to marry you one day, y/n.” Shawn tells you, staring down at you.

“You’re drunk.” You tell him, pushing him away from you a little bit.

“But I love you.” He says.

“Mhmm,” You reply, barely paying any attention to what he’s saying because you know that he’s drunk out of his mind right now. “Lets get you home.” You tell him before dragging him outside and calling an uber. You were at a club with all of your friends, but somehow you found yourself looking after Shawn instead of hanging out with the group. You lost the rest of your friends, so you’re thinking you’ll just get Shawn home and then go home yourself, calling it a night.

After you get into the Uber, Shawn leans forward to address the driver. “Hey man, see this girl? I’m going to marry her one day.” Shawn says, pointing back at you. Your face flushes at these words, but you try to hide it.

“Is that so?” The driver questions, playing along, while you lean back and cover your face with your hands. “How long have you two been together?” The driver asks.

“Well--” Shawn starts, but you cut in.

“We’re not together.” You tell the driver.

“Not yet.” Shawn replies, ever so confident.

“Okay, Mr. Sure-Of-Yourself.” You reply, rolling your eyes at him.

“Y/n, will you go out with me?” Shawn asks, turning his attention to you. It catches you by surprise because he actually sounds sober. But you saw how much he drank tonight, you know he can’t possibly be anywhere close to sober right now.

“Talk to me tomorrow when you're not intoxicated, and we’ll see.” You tell him. Because the truth is you would date Shawn in a second. Except you don’t know if he really means what he’s saying because he’s drunk right now, and you don’t want to get your hopes up if he really doesn’t mean it.

But when the phone rings the next afternoon and Shawn asks you out for coffee, you soon discover that he really was serious the night before.

“Discover his addictions. See if he puts you in front of them.”

Shawn has been in the studio all day. He’s been working nonstop because he just wants the album to be amazing. He’s also been in a mood lately where he’s feeling inspired so all he wants to do is write and record music. You’re used to it by now, used to him disappearing for hours or days at a time and coming back with a ton of different songs he wants you to hear.

But tonight, you’re missing him like crazy and you just want him home. He’s been gone for the better part of the last four days, spending every waking hour in the studio, and you know he’s not quite ready to stop yet. He’s only been coming home to sleep, and even then sometimes he doesn’t even come home for that.

You’re not worried. You know he’s just busy making music, but you do miss him. And tonight, you just want him near you. You want him home. You want to be able to rest your head on his chest and feel his fingers threading through your hair as he tells you about something funny he heard that day. Its a different kind of missing him, knowing that he’s home and he’s less than an hour away, but yet you still aren’t with him.

You’ve mostly been moping around the house all evening. You’re on your period, so you honestly just want to lay in bed and watch movies, but you don't like doing it while you're alone. After wandering the house aimlessly for an hour, tidying everything just to keep busy, you finally decide to call Shawn. He doesn’t answer. It takes another half hour before he finally calls back, and when he does, you realize you don’t have anything to say to him, not really.

“Hello?” You answer.

“Hey y/n, you called?” He asks, and you try to come up with something to say, you try to think of a reason that you would have called him.

“Yeah, uh, how’s the studio?” You ask, unable to come up with anything else. The truth is you just wanted to hear his voice. Well you really want him home with you, but you don’t want to ask him to leave the studio, you can’t. Not when you don’t really need him, you just want him.

“It’s great, things are really flowing tonight. Is something wrong?” He asks.

“No, I just wanted to check in, to say I miss you.” You tell him. And when he doesn’t respond right away, you start to wonder if he’s still on the line. But he is still on the line.

“I’ll be home soon. I’m leaving here in five minutes, okay?”

And you know that he hadn't been planning to leave before you called. “Shawn, you don’t have to.” You tell him, even though the truth is you want him to. More than anything.

“I know. But I'm going to. Do you want me to pick anything up before I come home?” He asks.

“Mint chocolate chip ice cream?” You request.

“Of course baby, I'll be home soon.”

You don’t even respond to him, your excitement getting the best of you as you lean down to kiss him, threading your fingers through his curly brown hair. When you finally stand back, he asks, “So is that a yes?” But the smile on his face shows he already knows the answer to that question.

“Yes!” You respond, and he stands, wrapping his arm around you and holding you tightly. You tilt your chin up to kiss him again, and then he carefully takes the ring out of the box and slips it onto your ring finger.

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