#but im an english major so i get a pass

[syrupsyche]

1, 2 and 3 for the choose violence ask game?

1. character everyone gets wrong

I think I've spoken enough about Enjolras and Cosette's characters so I shall go with MARIUS! Bet you didn't expect that....but yes, I think fandom opinions on Marius tend to swing wildly between "revolutionary hero and besties with Enjolras" (usually the musical-only fans) and "absolute useless piece of trash who ruined Cosette's relationship with Valjean". I think, in a story full of characters as Symbols, Marius is our only truly human character, which means he has flaws that makes him extremely unlikeable at times, which might contradict his moments of bravery and kindness. Not to mention the one thing that he gets flamed for the most (ostrascising Valjean) was partially Valjean's own fault too! It's just that Marius' upbringing has made it very difficult for him to put his past behind him and accept radical new worldviews easily. Marius is a very interesting character and I think brushing him off as just one of the above two sentiments downplays his true conflict throughout the story.

2. compelling argument for why your fave would never top or bottom

Going to go with Cosette for this one. Her most popular ships are with Marius and Éponine and she definitely tops BOTH of them. We can see that canonically, she loves to tease those that she loves (Ten years later, with the love of Marius in her heart, she would have answered: “A pedant, and insufferable to the sight! You are right!”), as well as being very strong-willed (“Father, why do you eat horrible bread like that?” / “Because, my daughter.” / “Well, if you eat it, I will eat it too.”). She's going to dominate any relationship she's in, platonic or romantic otherwise, because no one is going to be able to go against her lol

3. worst take you've ever seen on tumblr

This is not fandom-specific and idek if this originated from tumblr but I will NEVER forgive whoever created the "the curtains are just blue" post. I know it stems from the annoyance of badly-taught English classes but it snowballed into such a big anti-intellectualism movement and I just can't stand it. Literary analysis is never about wanting to figure out the One Meaning the author wants to say. If that's the case, we would only ever need one academic paper per book and that's it. The field of Literature and Philosophy and the like would not need to exist. But what we actually want to find out is why so many people get different interpretations from the same texts. What devices were used - purposefully or otherwise - in the story to get people to those conclusions? That is the essence of literary analysis. To think that people are just "over-analysing" something is pure ignorance will never not infuriate me.

[isabelguerra]

i dont have an actual name for it but depressed college au is probably one of my favorites. i dont really care for the adults in paranatural and thinking about how the activity club/others might grow up and continue their lives is so much more interesting to me

[chqnified]

I found a use for me having spent 11 years of my life learning Chinese. I can actually understand WayV lyrics

[cranberrylane]

i shouldn’t have checked my course list before bed and while i’m still on my break

[juqtier]

₊˚╰ 𖣠 MERCY ✧.* SPENCER REID

SUMMARY: During one of the most detrimental and devastating outbreaks this world has ever seen, the BAU had spent countless hours trying to bring in the man responsible, dead or alive. When they seek help from a minacious mercenary, and personal feelings somehow get involved, the situation quickly becomes much more complicated and difficult than anticipated.

GENERAL WARNING: ANGSTY and horror (somewhat), weapons, violence, descriptions of viruses and diseases, death, kissing of course, zombie like creatures, apocalypse, outbreak, descriptions of mutations

CHAPTER WARNING: descriptions of violence and viruses, reader is kinda an asshole. THIS CHAPTER MAY SEEM BORING BUT PLS the story will get interesting as it progresses! just gotta explain the basic concept!

A/N: the first chapter, yay! this is clearly inspired by resident evil (my fav game series). i thought it’d be interesting and unique to combine my two fav hyperfixations. i made the virus names and effects, and im clearly not a scientist so if they are scientifically inaccurate ignore it or im gonna cry. also, I wrote this with early spencer in mind (3-5) but if you imagine him from a different season lmk! ALSO sorry if any of the writing is bad, my english is terrible!

ACCOMPANYING SONG : SMELLS LIKE TEEN SPIRIT, NIRVANA

. . .

CHAPTER 1

January 15th, 2009

- 985 days since the outbreak

You had been caught. You had finally been caught.

Of course, you were well aware of the risks that came with being a mercenary, being caught was one of them. Yet, this didn’t diminish the anger you felt, sitting in a dingy, dark interrogation room, cuffed to a table.

It felt as if days passed by. Your eyelids felt heavy, you couldn’t manage to find a comfortable position to rest in. A metal folding chair would quickly prove to be a poor place to even attempt to relax in. Sitting in silence for so long, your ears could perfectly hear the buzzing of the flickering bulb above you, and it drove you crazy.

Just before you could drive yourself insane, focusing on each bothersome aspect of the interrogation room once more, the door opened.

Two men, two entirely different vibes.

One was an older, tall, stoic man wearing a suit practically devoid of color.

And while the man that stood beside him wasn’t wearing the most colorful outfit, his blue shirt and purple tie were a stark contrast to the other man’s outfit.

His long, wavy brown hair stood out as well. A part of you wanted to just stare at him, he was so pretty. But the other part of you, the majority of you, wanted to knock both officers unconscious and attempt to run away.

“I’m Unit Chief Aaron Hotchner, this is Special Agent Dr. Spencer Reid. We’re with the Behavioral Analysis Unit.” The older man explained as both of them took a seat across from you.

The words practically went unnoticed by you, your mind had been more focused on the discomfort caused by the tight cuffs around your wrists. Your eyes met Hotchner's, and he could tell exactly what you were feeling.

Angry.

“Wanna take these cuffs off?” You request.

“I’m afraid I can’t do that until you cooperate with us and give us the information we need.”

“What information?”

Your eyes naturally rolled, gradually growing more annoyed by the second. Even with how frustrated you were, you weren’t going to cooperate easily. You were a mercenary, and the FBI was well aware you had only ever been motivated by payment.

It sounded selfish to everyone else. It was selfish, but to you, it was the only way to survive.

Hotch extracts papers and files from a manila folder, spreading them out onto the table in front of you. Your eyes watched his hands as he displayed each paper for you.

“For the past seven months, me and my team have been observing your every move.” Hotch’s eyes are glued to you. “Several times in these past months, you’ve been employed by Luca Ansaldo.”

The name has been drilled into your ears by this point.

Luca Ansaldo, a wealthy, ‘brillitant’ virologist and CEO of the virology company SynX. And, unbeknownst to you, the creator of the Lazarus Virus.

Ansaldo had employed you many times before, and with the pay being more than generous for a seemingly easy job, you didn’t think twice about accepting his offer.

But now, just hearing his name was enough to enrage you. Yet, you remain calm, returning Hotch’s eye contact. You barely even noticed Reid beside him, merely observing the interaction between you and Hotch.

“He paid me well for a simple job, is that what you wanted to hear?” You mutter.

You knew that wasn’t what they wanted to hear, but you also couldn’t tell what they wanted.

The past officers that had come in, aggressively interrogating you, never made it clear what exactly they wanted from you. All you could really understand was that they wanted his whereabouts, and you couldn’t tell them that. You didn’t even know.

“What jobs did he pay you for?” Hotch inquires.

“Easy jobs. I’ve done that plenty of times before for others, why does it matter now?”

Hotchner adjusts in his seat, probably finding it just as uncomfortable as you were in that moment.

“It’s important because we’re not currently after the other individuals you’ve worked for, we’re after Ansaldo.” He explains, sliding a document toward you.

Your eyes quickly scan the words on the paper, taking in all of its details.

“Under SynX, Ansaldo has managed to manufacture one of the deadliest viruses known to man, the Lazarus virus. You can see the results of his work walking in the streets.”

“Lazarus Virus?” You question. “Like, from the Bible?”

You clearly knew about the outbreak, every human did. You just had never been able to put a name to the virus responsible.

Reid took this question as an opportunity to share every bit of knowledge he had about the virus.

“Yes, actually. The name derives from Lazarus of Bethany, mentioned in the Gospel of John. The story claims Jesus raised Lazarus from the dead, only four days after his death.” He hadn’t even noticed your eyes locked on him as he rambled. “We believe the virus attacks the brain stem, destroying the brain's basic functions. However, while mental capabilities deteriorate, physical capabilities are enhanced, explaining why they’re rather strong and violent. Those infected by the virus are called ‘Revenants’.”

You couldn’t help but be impressed at his ability to speak for so long without even losing his breath. He had spit out each word with urgency, as if he had been waiting to share this information with you.

“You seem to know a lot about the virus, why am I here?”

“We don’t know enough.” Hotch replies. “Without a sample of the virus, we won’t be able to produce an effective antidote. Ansaldo is currently the only man we know of that has any samples, and you know more about him than any of us. You may be our only chance at finding him before it’s too late.”

He leans forward, an even more intense stare accompanying his statement.

For a moment, for a brief moment, you allow yourself to absorb his words. It was as if a switch flipped in your brain, allowing yourself to prioritize others before yourself.

And again, this sounded so incredibly selfish. You could recognize that, of course. But you couldn’t blame yourself. And quite frankly, neither could Hotch or Reid.

The outbreak was and is devastating. Major cities were overrun and filled with chaos, with millions dead or missing. Trusting people wasn’t as common as it was years ago. Especially for you. You had been alone, fighting to survive, for years. It was all to protect yourself. You had the right to protect yourself, right?

“How much?” Hotch’s words bring your attention back to him, back to the situation you were in.

You weren’t sure if you misheard or misunderstood him, and it seemed as if Reid shared that same thought. His eyes widened as he snapped his head towards Hotch, questioning him with his eyes. Hotch, however, doesn’t even seem to notice Reid’s shock.

“What?” You stutter just a bit, clearly confused.

“How much do we need to pay you for your cooperation?” He repeats.

“You want to pay me to work for you?” You reply, skeptical about the offer.

Reid visibly shared the same sentiment. It was as if he couldn’t close his mouth. You didn't expect this, and neither did he.

“You are the closest connection we have to Ansaldo.” Hotch ignores the shocked faces of you and Reid, “If we have to pay you for your cooperation, then we are willing to do that.”

His expression shows that he’s serious. You consider the offer a bit longer before spitting out the first number you can think of.

“Two hundred thousand.”

You wait for any change in his expression, you wait for him to simply refuse. But he never does.

“We can arrange that.” He gives you a small nod before rising from his chair, Reid following. “I will assign an agent to keep an eye on you. You will be kept under supervision at all times as you work alongside my team. If you even attempt to betray our agreement, I promise you will not see a single dollar.”

“Wait.” You blurt out before they can even make their way to the door. “Can I choose what agent gets to follow me around?”

The way you word it makes it sound like a privilege, like it was an honor to have to watch over you. In reality, it most likely wasn’t.

The FBI considered you a dangerous, difficult mercenary. Asking you for help was a last resort, one they tried to avoid. But as they watched the virus spread across the country, unable to stop it, they knew they had no other choice.

“Do you have an agent in mind?” Hotch raises an eyebrow, confused by your question.

You nod in response, your eyes landing on Reid.

You couldn’t explain why, but his quiet, shy demeanor drew you to him. He wasn’t standoffish like the other officers and agents, he was actually quite the opposite of you.

Reid furrows his eyebrows. Neither he nor Hotch had expected the request; their looks expressed that. Hotch looks over at Reid, as if he were contemplating whether he could handle such a job. It was a silent conversation between the two; you were just an observer in that moment.

“Reid will watch over you as you work the case with us.” Hotch proclaims.

“Hotch, are you sure?” Reid whispers, just loud enough for you to hear him. He sounds nervous as he speaks, causing you to smirk.

“If she causes any problems for you, I will assign a different agent for the job.” Hotch responds, going for the door. His hand lands on the door knob, twisting it and pulling the door open with Reid behind him.

“Can you take these cuffs off me?”

Hotch and Reid turn their attention towards you once again before Reid digs in his pocket, pulling out a set of keys. Hotch watches as Reid walks over to you.

Your gaze remained fixed on Reid as he fumbled with the keys. You observed his shakey hands, finding all of it almost humorous.

When he finally managed to remove the cuffs, he let out a breath he hadn’t known he was holding in.

You stand up from your seat, rubbing your wrists where the cuffs had previously been.

“Thank you so much.” You say with a teasing, playful tone.

His eyes never meet yours as he steps back, allowing you to stretch, glad to be free from the metal chair you were held down to.

“The team is gathering to discuss our next steps in the case. You’ll be joining us, since you’re working alongside us now.”

He explains the situation quickly as he leads you out of the room, still avoiding any eye contact.

“Exciting.” A smirk was still plastered on your face as you walked behind Reid.

While Reid was more nervous about the situation, and you clearly found it amusing, there was one thing the two of you had in common at the moment.

You had no idea what you were getting into.

. . .

pt. 2

a.n. : again sorry if the writing is bad, but i’m excited for this series to play out! it’s a concept i haven’t seen done before so i wanted to make something cool with it! i believe even if you aren’t a fan of resident evil, criminal minds x mercenary is still kinda cool. also, if you want to be on tag list im more than happy to add you!

[writersmess]

LET’S BE A MESS TOGETHER | EVAN BUCKLEY

Pairing: Evan Buckley x fem!reader

Summary: after Buck gets injured during a call, you realize you can’t live without him.

Warning: angst but fluff at some point

Word count: 2k

a/n: hey there! This is my first time writing for Buck so im pretty nervous hehe english is not my first language so im sorry if there’s any mistakes. Also it’s based on 6x11, cause nobody knows how much I cried on that episode. Hope you enjoy!!

Masterlist

................................

You’ve been friends with Maddie for a while now. You’ve met in nurse school and even though you were younger than her, it didn't stop you from creating this bond. After she moved to another town with Doug, you still managed to keep in touch, and when you found out about everything she’s been through, you’re really important in her recovery. You two were really inseparable now.

Being so present in Maddie’s life made you participate in the major events of her life. Her meeting and falling in love with Chim, becoming a dispatcher, and the best thing that could have happened in her life, Jee-Yun.

As time passed by you really became part of her family and with that being said, you became a very important figure in the big family that was 118.

They all loved you.

You were so caring, loving, willing to help anyone any time. Oh and your hugs, they were the best. And because you work in the hospital, it was quite common to bump into one of them between calls.

Although you were close to everyone, it was this pair of big blue eyes that always catch your attention.

Evan Buckley.

No matter where you were, your traitors eyes were always searching for his, and that side grin. Whether in a crowded bar, or at the hospital, or even at Maddie’s house, there you were, involuntarily looking for him. And surprisingly those blue eyes were already looking at you from the other side of the room all the time.

And the touches.

Somehow you were always touching each other. There was always an excuse for your hands to search each other’s bodies. When he told a very bad joke and apparently only you laughed, your hand was patting his arm. When after your usual breakfast together he would fix the collar of your jacket. When on cold days your arms would reach for his for warmth.

Eventually your hands moved like it had a mind of their own, reaching out to grab each others hands even if your eyes didn’t leave whatever you were focused on.

Everyone noticed the way you acted around each other. And even when one was not around, the other would always brought their name into the conversation. It was very clear to everyone the way you two felt about each other.

But nobody understood why you didn’t get together soon, why it had to be so complicated.

And what nobody really understood, was why he chose Taylor.

This broke you in so many ways and everyone could see how hurt you were. The way you stopped going to the weekly meetings, or how you stopped going to the bar after shift, or how you started avoiding them in the hospital hallways.

Hell, even Buck didn’t understand what he did.

The thing was that he got too carried away with that one night stand, and the next thing he knew he was too involved in this turbulent and full of lies relationship, that he just couldn’t get out of it.

So it was pretty normal to be surprised when you opened the door on a weekday and saw him standing at your doorstep.

“i broke up with Taylor” he said looking at you.

“oh okay?” you let him in and while closing the door, you close your eyes and took a deep breath.

“im so stupid you know”

You did know

“im not trying to be rude or something, but i don’t get why you came to me” he looked at you confused “i mean, we haven’t been talking much since you started dating her”

“i know and that’s why I’m such a fool. I should’ve never done that with you, with us.”

“look Buck I’m really not getting your point here” your heart was beating so fast.

“my point is, that I’m a mess, okay? And I have this thing where i self sabotage in literally every aspect of my life, specially my love life”

You keep quiet as he blurted out.

“every single time i was with her, every touch, every breakfast, every lunch or dinner, I was thinking of you”

You were still seating on the couch while Buck was about to make a hole in the ground from walking back and forth.

You were so hurt. He chose her, and the minute it’s all over, he simply comes after you to pour out a bunch of words full of feelings. It wasn’t that simple. What about you? What about what you had felt for so long? It wasn’t fair.

“look y/n i want to be with you”

He knelt in front of you and put his hands on your face. You finally let the tears roll down your face.

“you have no idea how long I’ve waited for this Buck” you started and could see that beautiful smile in his lips, only to be replaced with a confused expression when you took his hands out of your face. “until I had my heart broken when you decided to be with Taylor”

“y/n pleas-“

“you don’t get to show up at my door after months with her and say you'd rather be with me. Not when I was getting used to having our Sunday breakfast alone, not when I was starting to go back to the bar with the guys, because looking at you didn't hurt so much anymore. Not when-“

He hugged you.

Buck hugged you.

The words could no longer come out of your mouth and you simply let the tears roll off your face.

“i’m sorry. I really am.” He looked at you again while wiping your tears away. Buck gave you a sad smile. “i’ll give you some space, but i swear I won’t give up on you. On us.”

And then he left.

***

A few days has passed by and you were still trying to get yourself together after that night, but honestly you were hardly having time to think about anything since the days at the hospital have been intense due to these recent winds. You just couldn’t wait to get home and have some sleep.

Today was one of those days. The hospital was crazy, the atmosphere was tense. Each patient admission was a surprise and you just wanted it to end.

You were heading to the nursing bay so you could update some medical records, when your colleague called you aside.

“some bizarre case is coming up. The truck called the dispatch, i think it’s pretty serious.” She looked at you carefully.

You worked with a very special team, everyone got along very well and liked each other so much. So basically all your colleagues knew about your situation with Buck, but not because you went around talking about it, no. Everyone saw the way you treated each other when you met in the hallways, the care and concern for each other. And outside of it, too.

You had a bad feeling in your chest since you woke up, something was not right. The rain was heavy outside and from afar you could hear the sirens approaching.

And suddenly it was as if the ground opened up beneath you. Bobby was yelling to the doctors about the patient’s condition, how he was having a cardiac arrest. Everyone from 118 was there, looking at the person on the stretcher. You were not prepared for this, you were not prepared to see Buck lying unconscious on that stretcher. When you threatened to run towards the team that would take care of him, your boss yelled at you to stay there.

“we’ll do our best” a doctor said before the doors closed behind him.

“do more” you heard Eddie scream behind you.

You were petrified. This couldn’t be real. You couldn’t speak, the voices around you were like hums, and your eyes were beginning to fill with water. You were in shock.

Bobby noticed how you were paralyzed in the middle of the way and went to meet you. He didn’t have to say a word. As he sat you down on a chair, you could feel your hands trembling and sweating. Eddie crouched down in front of you and you looked into his eyes. He knew that you were about to collapse, he was also on the verge of a panic attack.

“w-what- is he-“ You couldn't form a complete sentence and you could notice the fear in your friend's eyes.

“i don’t know”

And after that he hugged you.

***

You were in the corner of the room watching Christopher talking to Buck and the tears kept falling down your face. You just couldn’t stop the tears to roll down your face every time you looked at him like that, your Buck. He was so vulnerable.

You were a completely mess.

You hugged them goodbye and cried even more when Chris told you to be calm, he was going to wake any time soon. He was so pure.

“i can’t handle much more like this. I need you here with me Buck” you held his hands tightly while speaking “i can’t lose you, not for good. you said you’re a mess, but so am i. I need you alive so we can be a mess together”

And this has been your routine for a few days. You spent the day with him until Bobby arrived and practically forces you to go home and rest. And that’s when he didn't bring Athena as a backup and she forced you to go home with her, because they knew you hadn’t been eating or sleeping properly.

But in the meantime, you tried to distract yourself by reading books, watching movies, or trying to tell some jokes to an unconscious Buck. God, you were being pathetic.

You were on your way back to the hospital after a few hours of rest when your phone started ringing non-stop. It was Bobby.

Your heart froze.

Something must have happened.

You didn’t answer the call, you preferred to go straight to the hospital room preparing yourself for the worst. You were confused as you noticed the movement in the room and how the laugher was heard from afar.

“buck?” you ignored everyone and went straight to him. Your hands ran down his face lightly, afraid that if you touched him too hard he would disappear.

“hey y/n” he said softly with that side grin.

“you scared the hell of me. Of us” you whispered getting your face close to him, your hands still touching him. He put his hands over yours.

“I said that i wasn’t giving up on you. You really thought i was going to brake my promise?”

You let out a muffled laugh as tears rolled down your face.

“you idiot. I love you so much” you could see that beautiful smile at his face “please don’t ever do that to me again, I need you here, alive” you murmured and leaned in to planted a quick and shy kiss on his lips. It was your first kiss.

“i love you, princess. I’m not leaving any time soon”

Everyone gathered around you two. Bobby gave you a side hug when you step back so that Christopher could hug Buck. He was like a father to you and Buck, so he was the biggest supporter of you being together, he could see how happy you were when you were together. You both deserved it, you deserved to live this love.

And even though everyone was around him celebrating his return, Buck’s eyes, as usual, were searching for yours, only to be met with your passionate and comforting gaze. Calming every fear and anxiety that could exist inside the firefighter’s heart, as you always did and always would.

After everyone had gone and left you two alone, Buck made room on the bed for you to climb up and snuggle into his side. You couldn’t look away from each other and Buck was giving small pecks on your lips every now and then.

“by the way, you’re a terrible joker”

You stared at him with confusion as he kept smiling.

How on earth did he know you were telling him jokes while he was unconscious?

What you didn’t know, and he probably would never tell you, is that while unconscious, Buck got a glimpse of a life he would never have. A life that made no sense, in a job he hadn’t dreamed of, without the friends he loved so much, and especially without you. You were the reason he fought his way back into this life. He couldn’t continue in a life, in a universe that you didn’t exist.

You were his beacon, who with your light so bright, guided him back to your side. The place he would never leave, never again.

[i4oba]

cassiopeia — njm.

jaemin & fem!reader ✰ soulmate!au

genre: angst?

summary: fate has its own little games, but giving only twenty-four hours is by far the most cruel of them all. and you have to endure that in every life of yours.

warnings: mention’s of death, major character’s death, a few cuss words??, it’s a bit angsty and has some suggestive themes somewhere in the middle :) .. but ofc it was written in flowery language so it’s not that bad! also it’s not proofread, sorry :,( … although it was written like 2 and a half years ago.. eheh SORRY IM STUPIDD

word count: 5k

author’s note: i originally wrote this story in my native language, which made it harder to tell it in english as well.. english isn’t capable of capturing my metaphors!!!! i hate it here!!!!! i sound stupid in english!!!!!!!! >:(

and no matter how many times have you been staring at the night sky, even hundreds of stars weren’t able to show you the right directions. no matter how diligent you were on finding those constellations, recognizing them wasn’t enough to make you less lost in the vast world of ours. you could have done anything as you were lying down on the freshly mowed grass, looking at those stars, alligned even, which you two had always been mentioning over the time — the feeling of emptiness wouldn’t go away. as you focused on the stars and how bright they were glowing, your arms stretched out in hopes of being able to touch them: everything became even more painful. and as your fingers were dancing in the air, from one star to another, your eyes teared up and your mind was screaming only one thing: enough. it was all enough. since you hated this with your whole existence. and the cassiopeia was reminding you of this constantly;

you have never been able to decide whether remembering is worse or forgetting. you would have loved to experience both at least once, but fate gave you a different card. one, which you carefully choose from the big card house, telling you something: your curse is remembering. and as you hold that little card in your hands, glaring at the crimson coloured letters, you feel like screaming all of your bottled up anger out every time. you always feel like protesting against fate, you want to say and do otherwise but were you ever in a place to do so? you have never had the chance. thus you learnt how to bear with it, what else was there to do? getting into a fight with the fates who were so focused on directing your life, having an evil smile on their faces as they were slowly cutting the thread of that person’s life, who was the sole reason you could stay sane? would you have stolen those old and rusty scissors from their hands, putting a dot after their history of standing so tall, being placed higher in the invisible hierarchy between people and them? would you have given some more time to you two? would you have changed past, present and future?

all of it is just a wandering thought which crosses your mind frequently through your days as you live your boring life. you spend every day with planning out your dirty little revenge, and end it with the conclusion: you’re unable to do it. admitting it felt like losing a game against something you could not even see. and this uncertainity put you in a state of something close to insanity through every life you have lived as the time has passed.

through these lives, you have experienced so many things but the worst part was always those twenty-four hours, which was completed with more and more tears and pain as the centuries passed. in the first lifespan you were pretty much naive, hopeful and happy, that twenty-four hour only made you confused. you could not process what was happening. but later on, you figured it out, having to accept the misery that came with it. you could understand why all of this is such a big sacrifice. in your fourth life have you cried first and you can still feel the fingers wiping your hot tears away, the ice cold feeling of them leaving an unforgettable trace on your skin. to this day, you still vividly remember that moment and feeling how trying hard was never enough, and the bittersweet taste lingering in your mouth has slowly started to fade away. it has become meaningless. harsh and almost so cruel.

but you still didn’t know which one is worse: being the one who forgets or remembering everything so vividly.

jaemin will never be able to comprehend this. after all, he didn’t have to live those grey lives which was coordinated by the suffocating feeling of trying to reach solutions and having to give up. after all, he wasn’t the one who had to watch his loved one’s death over and over again and he wasn’t the one either who had to carry the weight of the pain this caused. since he got the card of forgetting, which was followed by one single thing since gambling with the ones from above is not that clear and easy as we all think it is.

and the price did not only made his life worse, it controlled yours as well.

the first time you have heard the definiton of a “soulmate”, you were halfway through your sixth life. back then, even saying the word felt so strange but as you said it out loud more and more, having the thought of it in your mind constantly, it made you realize something: you and jaemin are the best, exact example of those said soulmates. but inside a horrible cage you weren’t able to leave. it had the feeling of a really bad book which was written by a prestigious author who had a really evil side to their personality. you could even imagine his pen scratching the paper, completed with the blue ink which allegorically wrote the story of you two. a terrible fairy tale that people use to scare their children, saying that this is going to be their fate if they misbehave. and as one of them, you would have believed their words. you would have been terrified. you were in fact scared, that cannot be denied.

on top of that, you had to live in this story, through so many years. no matter how many times you were praying, down on your knees, waiting for it to reach its end, you did not get what you wanted. and you have always felt like it wasn’t fair. ruthlessness transcending through lives which your friends didn’t have to experience. you had hundreds of them but somehow they were lucky. you were counting down the hours, the minutes and even the seconds as if it was like a test, but they always failed. they were able to not get lost in the maze of fate that trapped you and jaemin inside. they were special, all of them.

or were you two the special ones?

you were completely sure about your answer: no. although the thought of being the “chosen ones” has crossed your mind before, as if you two were something like a transcendent, but as years passed, along with centuries and lives, you could only figure one thing: you will never be fully happy. happiness is relative anyway, something you can’t put your hands on, it’s everything around us and everything that’s not at the same time. it seems so far away from you at moments, but on other days it’s so close you could reach it easily but no one could really define what it really is. it’s different in everyone’s lives, the way it becomes the same with many different things, varying on the person. even the sound of the word was music to the ears even if they didn’t know what it is exactly. everyone gets to know it along their journey, their lifetime and they may be lucky to being able to put their fingers on it, they can feel it and they can drag it with themselves.

for you, happiness was the same as those twenty-four hours that guided you through your lives. that small amount of time that you were keen on finding as soon as possible, putting everything on the line. which meant everything and nothing at the same time. and the thought of this was always able to bring some light into your rather bitter life, where the shadows grew too huge, close to consume you completely.

just like in your present life. which, of course isn’t really that bad, it is one of the best ones, to be quite honest but the emptiness inside of you was quite like a dark hole. it made you hopeless even though you had a goal. one that was so dear to you, saint even, which you could have tried to explain to anyone, none of them would have understood it. everyone thought you’re crazy and that you need therapy. even if the last one was true, you knew you’re going to eventually find jaemin, may it be on a rainy day in a bus stop, in a diner’s silent corner or in the university you’re currently attending.

but no. none of these were correct. every time you went to these places, fate was trickier than you would have thought and this was well-known to you.

you had to face this in a newly opened museum which had the slogan, “only miracles are awaiting here”.

how true this was… a real miracle.

as you walked from rooms to the others, all alone, somehow all thoughts left your mind. as if it was the cure, the new atmosphere and the exhibition, as if running back into the past had an effect similar to a band aid. it could get its job done for a while but sooner or later, it would give up as well. just like every solution you had tried out in the past years. nothing was permanent and there was no guarantee.

while you were staring at those paintings, listening to other people’s excited conversations, all you could think of was the loneliness. shivers went down your spine, the consonants following the vowels, creating something so new and so negative. the word you hated the most. and the word that was the title of the oil painting in front of you, seemingly too perfect for the symbolic work of art. a bad feeling took over you. you paid one last look to the framed beauty, glaring at the darkness and the pitch black shadows. after that, you left the room. the heavy atmosphere and the pictures of nightmare.

that’s when you entered the smallest exhibition hall where only a piece of paper was shown. it was protected with thick glass, making you wonder why is it such a big deal. why would they keep an old, yellow paper where the words were probably blurred together in the exhibition? it is supposed to be in the archives anyway, or does it not? putting these thoughts aside, you took a few steps closer to the “artwork”, eyebrows raised as curiosty took over you.

“love letter from the eighteenth century” was written on the little description, so you bent down a little to take a better look and maybe figure out why it was so special. and staring at those two papers which turned brown in the past years, the big realisation hit you: it was your letter. you wrote it. becoming aware of this fact made you froze in an instant, only being able to read the text filled with beautifully written cursive over and over again. and then you looked up, only to meet with a pair of eyes through the glass.

the person you wrote the letter for.

looking at him with the barrier between you two, suddenly you didn’t know what to do. seeing his face, his beautiful smile, it felt like someone gave you some extra energy. before your brain could have reacted to all of this, your legs took the control, running to him. you hugged him, melting into his touch, trying to embrace his fragrance, hoping that it will linger a little longer in your nose and mind as well. you didn’t want to believe this. nor what was coming next, alongside with the reunion.

“sorry for being late” he whispered while he stroked your hair carefully, arms tight around you. as if the moment was going on forever, it made you forget about everything. it made you feel glad. your own little happiness has found you again. but it cannot stay so long.

“i could wait thousands of years for you, jaemin” you told him truthfully, eyes searching for his. you hugged him once again. you couldn’t get enough of his hugs. “there are so many things we have to discuss, i literally… don’t even know where to start” you intertwined your fingers and dragged him with you, him simply letting you do so. since he knew: you have been waiting for this moment to come for so long. this is why you were suffering for years on end. but before you could have leave the basement, he set a timer.

for twenty-four hours.

“and how was… basically everything so far?” you asked jaemin who was picking at the food in front of him, not having the courage to look at you.

“not that nice” he replied and you heard his voice being a little hesitant. “but hey, at least i don’t have to bear it anymore!” he tried to joke about the situation but your worried glance told him to stop. don’t do it. it’s not funny.

“i really have to apologize for not finding you soon enough.”

“no, please, don’t. you should never blame yourself” he reached out for your hands, stroking it with his thumbs carefully. “it’s not your fault. neither mine. it’s just a bad joke of those who think they are above us. we cannot do anything about that.”

“and neither against it…”

“look, y/n” jaemin cleared his throat before continuing. “in these rather short lives of mine, i figured out something. fate cannot be rewritten nor changed. everything’s going to happen like it was decided before. just imagine a big book that’s made by gods. our story is just one part of that great book which consists of other many tales, millions of them. we are too small and worthless to add to our story, we can’t complete it however we would love to. that’s their job to do. they are the only ones that are able to erase things and make something new out of them. they are everything we have and we are nothing more than a small piece of the big picture to them.”

“we’re only just marionettes which they can play with whenever they want to” you added mumbling quietly. jaemin was chewing on his lips while he nodded. eventhough admitting it hurts, your words meant the truth.

you two were only mere props in the endless play with the name of “the cycle of life”.

“but hey, no need to be sad!” he wiped the tears aways as soon as he spotted one crossing your face in a fast pace. “we should enjoy this day so we could annoy the gods! are you in?” he stood up, grabbing your hands carefully. and you gave in. what else would you have done? after all, you were the one stressing endlessly through your whole life, it would have been a pity to miss the chance;

on the passenger seat of jaemin’s really old toyota, so many things were running in your mind. as you were focusing on the picturesque landscape, too many thoughts were attacking you suddenly — were you even able to sort those out in the dusty storage of your mind? only the warm touch of jaemin’s hand, feeling too hot on your legs, made you go back and forth between one thing and being sane.

and as if he read your mind, he gave voice to it.

“there’s no such thing as impossible, knowing and feeling how love transcends time and space, it’s...”

your head jerked up upon hearing his words. you wanted to solve your dear lover’s expression. the way the last words fall out of his lips and how those said lips were slightly smiling while his eyes were searching for yours. everything felt so surreal. you were weak and small but the thing between you was able to make you believe the opposite: you are the strongest of them all.

which, being completely serious, is true. since enduring all those lives is something only the strongest people can do. only they are able to watch the person they were assigned to, slowly fading away between their fingers;

reaching the local park, this was all you could think about. the memories you have made with jaemin only became sharper and even him being there with you, weren’t able to heal your scars. he held your hand, smiled and told you multiple times: he loves you. everytime he repeated those three words, the slight worry always became more and more visible. no matter how strongly you were holding onto the boy, it has became more clear: you’re going to lose him either way.

but that’s the thing you should think about the least. you need to focus on enjoying every moment. the fact that you can sit comfortably on the checkered blanket with him, spending a whole day together. the fact that you can have a picnic, you can talk for hours on end, your love is not unrequited anymore. you could have hide it but the years made you sometimes too unamused.

“why aren’t we ending this already?” you asked mindlessly, and as soon as you put a grape in your mouth, you regretted your words as jaemin’s face slowly became serious.

“please, don’t say things like this, okay? enjoy this day to its fullest. i want to love you until i go crazy. at least through this damn day.”

“i’ve loved you through this whole lifetime” you told him, fighting the urge to cry. “you have no idea how hard it is to think about it every god damn day. if people think you’re insane and let you rot in your own, personal pit. you don’t know how much it hurts to get in your bed, knowing that you have to go through your lover’s… your soulmate’s death someday. the one’s death that you love the most in the whole universe.” your voice was filled with uncontrollable emotions — regret rushed over you seeing him, teary eyed and confused.

“maybe. but dying isn’t that nice either.” his reply was bitter and his intention was clear: he wanted to leave you and calm down a bit. but you didn’t let him. you reached out for his hand and pulled him closer to yourself. he stared into your eyes but you didn’t say a word. that’s why he broke the silence. “all day, all i can focus on is that we can’t have a family. i can’t have a kid and i can’t grow old with you. i cannot love you utterly and completely for a whole lifetime. they took everything from us, that’s true… but let’s do something against that. please.”

“what could we do, jaemin? even if i shout at the sky above us, nothing will change! i’ve had enough and i just…”

before you could have finished your sentence, a big dog that was previously running around in the park, came to you two, sniffing your basket and deciding on being your company. your little argue was cut off by a golden retriever who was looking at you and jaemin, big eyes filled with curiosity. and you got a kiss from the dog too!

“isn’t this what other people call… little doze of happiness?” you said quietly, peeking at jaemin while petting the dog, looking at his collar, searching for a name. “buddy! what a cute name!”

“you see, y/n? that’s what i want. rendezvous, petting dogs, joy and sunshine. why can’t we get this?”

why?

what you have learnt from your experiences is one single thing: time is money and it won’t wait. as if the hours were passing by much faster in those twenty-four hours, one can be gone in a blink of an eye. you despised this, you have always hated that it had to be like this way, that you couldn’t stop time or travel to a whole another universe, waking up in a world where you can have a happy life with your dear lover.

the night came by so quickly you didn’t even realize its presence at first. the hours were going so fast, you couldn’t process the speed of it. you could only avert your attention from it as much as you were possibly able to. and in that moment, laying in the grass and gazing at the stars, it felt like as if you wasted every precious minute. but it felt so nice, eyes focused on the starry night, stars glowing shinier than one another, hands intertwined and fingers pointing at the sky. you gave the stars names and were adamant on finding more and more constellations. stargazing was what you two loved the most.

and then you saw the cassiopeia. the one thing that could remind you of the endless loop you and jaemin were in. spotting the constellation, you stood up in the grass and looked at your lover. his moonlit figure was equivalent to the most beautiful artwork in the whole universe. you were disgustingly in love with him. and that came with pain. so much pain.

“shouldn’t we go inside?” you asked suddenly, playing with your fingers while trying to avoid his gaze.

“you want to go in, love?”

you could only nod as an answer but he did what you wanted, without asking any further questions. he wanted to make you happy, more than anything. he wanted to see an honest smile on your face which can warm his heart up. since not only you were in a panic, he was too. but he preferred to not show it.

eventhough he was a master of everything else. and he showed it to you that night.

such heavenly words left his lips, he could have made a whole essay out of it, filled with emotions he wanted to show you on that short night that was given by fate; love, care and gratitude came out of his actions as he was talking to you, the way he handled everything. the way he mumbled in your ears without stop, the magical word “love” being repeated over and over, the way he touched you, the way he kissed you and the way he hugged you. he perfectly knew everything about you, he knew about your soft spots, he knew every inch of your body and he was so eager to discover it all over again since he can never get enough of you. he loved to trace his fingers over your figure, losing control here and there with those touches, reaching places that were the most precious to him. he loved to see how you reacted, how you said his name after every, sweet kiss of his, the way your voice was so shaky with every passing minute. as if he was playing a game with you, but that wasn’t the case. he showed you his true colours and you did the same. you were an open book in front of him, waiting for a sign from him. a small stroke of a brush which indicates that he was there. the marks blooming in thousands of colours, blue and purple, looking like the galaxy from above. you were like canvas to him, his signature on the corner of the painting, as if he was the painter. the artist. which was true, after all.

and as you were holding those stars in your hands, previously seen on the sky, you felt like you entered heaven. it had a feeling of warmth, the way those bright stars were in your hands, put there by jaemin. you could finally have it and you never wanted to let go of it. you could see that kind of reflection in your dear lover’s eyes, mirroring the honest feelings, the loyalty that connected you two. it was able to warm your heart up before crushing it. breaking it into millions of pieces.

that’s how it was with him. although it should have been much different.

and the brightest stars of them all, was brought the closest to you. you held it tightly and you were so stubborn on never letting it go. you closed your eyes and all you could focus on was jaemin’s quiet murmurs next to you.

dreams took you by surprise, although you wanted to avoid sleeping. but now, somehow you didn’t care about anything anymore. you gave in and entered dreamland together. close to each other — the closest ever.

at least during the night, you could pretend to be normal people. at least for a night.

waking up, the first thing that came to mind was checking up on the remaining time but as your eyes met jaemin and how peacefully he slept, time seemed to stop for a while. for a few moments, you could only study his face, the way he seemed so relaxed and comfortable. you watched his chest moving with every breath he took. you would have loved to give him a sweet little kiss but you didn’t have the heart to wake him up. eventhough you were aware of the fact: minutes are passing by in a hurry and every blink was equal to the end of your happiness.

“since when are you looking this attentively, love?” he asked in a sleepy voice before he opened his eyes. the corner of his lips went up a little as he felt your touch on his face. plus the small peck you greeted him with made the day a hundred times better. “i won���t lie if i say that you are the best thing the universe has ever created” his mumble was almost inaudible but you could still hear caring ringig in his speech.

for a long time, this was the first morning when waking up, you could hear the birds’ music so clear. the soft kind of song which mixed with the early rays of the sun, them not being able to fully warm up the room. everything felt so idillic, like it was a fairy tale. and if it hadn’t got such depressing ending, you would have agreed it was one.

“how did you say two lives before?” jaemin smiled and squeezed your hands, looking up and down on your face. “even the sun rose up today so it can follow the last few hours of our sorrowful tragicomedy?”

“how can you remember so perfectly? i mean… i am the one who should never forget, isn’t that true?” you shook your head, your grip on his hands tightening.

“looking at you calls out the hidden memories buried in the depths of my mind, you know.”

the rest of the day was dedicated to trying to enjoy it as much as you could, even if there wasn’t that much time in your hands. you had a long walk, holding each other’s hand, you ate delicious foods and tried everything that’s considered as the “perfect date”, corny things you have only seen in romance movies. it felt like the most treasured possession you had — time. after every kiss you gave to jaemin, you tried to remind him how thankful you were, stressing out the word “treasure”, letting him analyze the word as well. letting him repeat is and define whether it’s worth everything or nothing. whether it’s equal to love or not.

in the last hour of your time that was given, you two went back to your family’s house and its large backyard. no one was home so it made it much easier to sit on the ground and look at the sky once again, following the clouds’ slow pace.

“my current mother told me once that love takes something with itself every time…” jaemin said suddenly, out of nowhere, attentively looking at one certain cloud which he identified as a ‘dog’, based on its shape.

“what do you mean by that?”

“this is what love takes from us.” he mumbled, not really sure of his words. maybe he’s saying dumb stuff and his theory isn’t actually right.

“your current mother is right, i fear” only a sigh escaped your lips but you still continued, eyes fixed on the sky. “we have to pay for being together. but why is the price so high?”

you didn’t get any answers to your question, only a hum. you knew this is what’s going to happen, you didn’t wait for anything else. after all, jaemin barely knew anything about the world, maybe half of your knowledge was there for him, perhaps even less than that. if you couldn’t find the answer, why would he suddenly get the idea? you had centuries to think about it and he always forgot everything. maybe he was the one who won. in your eyes, it seemed like that.

as time passed and the sun started to set, you felt it coming. the last kiss was shared twenty minutes ago, too weak already. but his hand… you did not let go of that. you weren’t ready to lose him. you believed you would give him strength, that you can spare his life. but no, it was not the case. as you embraced him, all you could focus on was his heavy breathing and the way he told you nonchalantly: “i don’t want to die, it hurts”. tears were falling down on his face which was so pale and full of misery. his voice lost its colour slowly and everything felt like the worst nightmare one could think of.

“y/n, i… it hurts…”

his hands were weak and cold. you stroked his face, barely touching him because of the fear: you might cause more pain. you ran your fingers through his hair and found his gaze. yours was fixed on his iris, trying to look for the solution in there — it might be hidden. the last little piece of the final formula. but you couldn’t find it. you’ve never been able to.

the last sentence you heard from him in the current lifetime of yours consisted of three words. three simple yet so heartwarming words, barely escaping his lips.

“i love you.”

and you had to witness the agony of death once again, it was the price for the day. for your everything.

everything started all over again. greyness and gloom took over your life as the last little source of light faded away slowly, vanishing completely. and before you could have thought it’s going to be different this time, you knew it’s not true.

since that’s not what the book of fate had carved into its chapters. you two were destined for something else.

“i love you too, jaemin.”

[elkyralt]

I'm going to write this now as I'm watching the goodbye stream, to add my two cents and whatnot.

The community has always been a huge part of the project, if we put the actual server aside for one second. The fanart, fanfics, headcannons, theories, comics, analysis, videos, memes, all of it was just as important as the actual players and server happening. The community was as much the lifeblood of the project as the actors involved were, and for that I can give a big thank you to all of you in the QSMP tag reblogging and creating under QSMPblr. I've adored each passing moment here - that including the rougher eras because as a community I've seen very measured responses from people truly passionate about the purpose the QSMP was there to serve - to unite communities.

As I'm watching Quackity talking about the fact that even if the QSMP as a project has ended, his desire in bridging cultural and language gaps is still present and something he wants to continue creating for. So yes, even if the server is currently ending, what has been achieved will forever be present. I'd never even thought that I'd be in a community with so many different nationalities who are not afraid to express themselves in their own languages and cultures, and especially I'd never thought that I'd be eagerly waiting to congratulate mutuals on their national holidays and things like that. In that, it's made me want to get closer to my own culture since I've never really properly grown up where I come from and I think that is something to be cherished.

I'd never thought I'd rekindle my passion for language learning and now be able to watch videos and streams in Spanish to understand the majority of what's being said and laugh along in chat, nevermind that same passion being rekindled or created for thousands of others. We have so many languages here and it's insane to even think about isn't it? People in the community that speak: Portugese, French, English, Spanish, German, Korean and probably more! I've been trilingual for the major part of my life, and have known Italian really well for a long time on top of that, but the QSMP as a whole has opened up my perspective on language like I'd never thought anything could.

THAT BEING SAID. Thank you to the creators involved in the project. It was clear to me as early as from the first days - before the translator - when the creativity and passion of the creators broke through those initial barriers and helped form the meaningful connections we find today. The roleplayers that created stories and characters very near and dear to me are absolutely to be praised, personally, I'd say q!Cellbit, q!Roier and q!Etoiles are my favourite characters to come out of this and those that I will keep creating and blogging about. Every character that came out of this is incredible though, everyone even down to Jorgito the IV drip and Posolito the capybara are utterly, indisputably, definantly: peak. Im greatful to the duos or groups that have emerged thanks to the translator and opportunity, just a few examples being: Cellbit and Roier, Badboy and YD, Pierre and Maximus, Etoiles and Phil, Missa and Phil, Cellbit and Baghera, Tubbo and Pac, etcetera! All of these connections between CCs were really entertaining to watch, and all due to the QSMP.

ALSO THAT BEING SAID. Thank you to the actors behind the scenes doing as much of a part as the streamers themselves. The eggs were all absolutely wonderful as NPCs and breathed life into the server like no other. All of them, all portrayed such different characters with realistic personalities and struggles that to me have always been stupendous at staying in character at all points. Lullah, Chayanne, Richas, Tupperware (Dapper), Patitas de cheto (Bobby), Leo, Tillin, Juanna, Trump, Chunsik, Em, Pepito, Sunny, all of you eggos have made the QSMP an unforgettable experience, and you admins deserve to get recognition. Massive thanks also go to the designers, writers, actors and managers behind the project as well, just as important in keeping the server running and fresh in how it was.

General thanks to the project for achieving what it has. Uniting communities, creating an incredibly story and characters, opening mine and other's eyes to more diverse cultures, rekindling passion for language learning and just so much more shit I could talk about for hours. This server has been an incredible ride, but that doesn't mean I'm leaving it completely.

Of course, the QSMP was by no means perfect and I'm not trying to make it out to be. It has it's issues and I'm completely aware of that. I think the impact and beauty the server has had is something to be celebrated regardless because it's something on a scale not done before.

I'm still going to be here, posting and creating about this SMP even after it closes. I'm still gonna be here posting silly clips and making long posts like this one that will maybe get 5 notes - but that's fine with me. I'm proud to be part of this community and experience as a whole, since Day fucking 1 - and I regret none of it. To all the people I've met over this thank you so much for being the people you are, keep creating and learning.

Thank you, QSMP, QSMPblr and Quackity Studios.

[batsplat]

Oh im obses whit your blog like you are such a great historian on vale and love the way you analys stuff admire the way of writing all of your toughs in such a corent way 🩷🩷🐹

this is so nice, thank you!! okay so this ask was initially sent in response to this post about how marc knew what a dick valentino was to his rivals and appreciated/wished to emulate that side of him, in particular in the context of copying the jerez pass. and... well, there is one more follow-up post to that I did want to make. it didn't really work within that post because it's pretty speculative, but I think it's fun! here goes

so you know argentina 2018, right, big drama, reconciliation over, bla bla (I promise this is going in a more fun direction, stick with me here). there's a bit of marc's post-race media scrum that I am a wee bit obsessed with. or well, two specific lines, one in english (0:00) and one in spanish (1:02) - I've included the full responses for context, but in this post I'm really only interested in those two lines

in english:

But he was in the past also 25 years old, and will remember, everybody.

and in spanish:

He has also been 25 years old and, well, I hope that people also remember.

... 25 years old, did you say?

okay, look, fair warning. the rest of this post is going to be reading too much into what was probably an off-handed comment - even if, I'd just like to point out, it is something he felt the need to say twice. but let's just have some fun here, and read too much into it. as a treat

so obviously the most generic way to read this is him saying 'well valentino used to be really aggressive on-track too, so people shouldn't be criticising me more than they did him'. thing is, I wouldn't say there was that much of a noticeable decline in how aggressive valentino was being, and 2017 did still feature some major scraps where valentino very much got his elbows out (cf assen and phillip island, I included a bit more detail on this in the marc race rec post). sure, valentino did increasingly have his reservations about some of the behaviour of younger riders, so maybe he was less aggressive now relative to the field... but I just don't feel like that's quite what this line is implying. it's also not about valentino making 'mistakes' in general, because there would have been no reason to refer back to past-valentino in that regard... the 25 year old version of valentino was considerably more error-free than the 39 year old

so then, my theory is that it's about valentino's controversies! that's what people "will remember", right - it's not the general style of riding, not just innocent mistakes, it's the times when valentino caused a bit of a stir on and off the race track. now, again, you could go the generic route here and say 'ah well maybe marc is just thinking of all the mess valentino got himself involved in when he was younger, from getting into a fist fight with max biaggi at age 22 to pissing off casey stoner through his aggressive riding at laguna at age 29'. but let's say for a moment that marc was thinking a bit more specifically than that... after all, if we're just talking about valentino controversies in general, surely marc should be able to think of a rather more recent example where valentino, like marc at argentina 2018, caused another rider to crash and was subsequently penalised for his riding? of course, marc probably didn't want to bring up that particular controversy - but it's still interesting he feels the need to refer back to a younger version of valentino at all, the fact that this crossed his mind in the first place to make him bring it up unprompted while making his case. so maybe when marc, who is after all a known valentino rossi fan, refers twice to what valentino was like at "25 years old"... he is in fact thinking of what valentino was like when he was 25 years old. and in what year would that be? well, here's the thing. it would be 2004

readers of the sete post can probably guess where I'm going with this, but let's just take a moment to review what specific on-track incidents marc could be thinking of here. let's give him a little bit of extra leeway in terms of the age, even though I trust marc to be more on top of the exact age gap than valentino was in times past. let's throw in one year either way, so 2003 to 2005, and draw up a list of any particularly controversial races valentino was involved in. here's what I've got:

assen 2004 - valentino executed a hard overtake for the win on the last lap on sete gibernau. he's not in complete control and almost loses the front at the next corner, which would have taken them both out

qatar 2004 - after his team rubber up his grid slot the night before, valentino gets slapped with a back-of-the-grid penalty. he ends up crashing out of the race and burns his relationship with sete in the aftermath

jerez 2005 - at a time when their relationship is already very chilly, valentino and sete engage in another duel. valentino executes a block pass with contact at the final corner and is booed by the crowd

motegi 2005 - the first chance to seal that year's title, and one valentino would very much have liked to take to spite honda. an unwise overtaking attempt on melandri leaves both on the ground

so, my guess is that neither assen nor motegi were really big enough controversies to fit the bill, though maybe they stuck in marc's mind as instances of 'reckless riding' that he includes in a more generic internal understanding of young valentino rossi. we do of course know for a fact that marc was more than aware of what happened at jerez 2005, not least because he, you know, directly copied that move twelve years later (again, link to the relevant post). like marc in argentina 2018, valentino barged into a rival in rather controversial fashion, and obviously it also made the relationship between him and said rival deteriorate still further. sure, you can't really argue the move was 'as bad' as argentina 2018, but as far as I'm concerned it has the same general vibe

you know what else has the same general vibe? here's a race description for you:

a 25 year old rider is sent to the back of the grid for a reason they consider unfair

they proceed to deliver a phenomenal performance even by their lofty standards, quickly working their way up to a position that seemed unattainable to them

they barge a rival out of the way in their impatience, reaching back to apologise for the move

the race ends poorly for them and they fail to score any points

afterwards, their relationship with a rival is ruined as a result of the events of the race, and the whole thing remains a lingering controversy for years to come

one race that fits this description is, of course, argentina 2018. the other is qatar 2004. there's obviously plenty of details that are significantly different - valentino's move on barros is less egregious and far less controversial, and his race ends in the gravel rather than with a post-race time penalty. still, that start of valentino's? the impatience? the post-race fury? the repercussions this race had? come on, look at the race footage I included in the qatar post and tell me there's not a little bit of a shadow of that qatar fury to the argentina recklessness

this is a point I snuck into the marc race recs post, where I included this excerpt from a post-argentina 2018 write-up:

phillip island 2003, hm? as it happens, in the qatar post, I did include a bit of the autobiography that compares those two specific races:

so, phillip island 2003: a performance that made everyone wonder just how much valentino had left in reserve to draw on whenever he needed it. what valentino is saying here is that this performance wasn't a result of him holding back in all the other races that year - this was speed that was accessible to him only in that moment because he was so angry. so yes, maybe it's a valid question to wonder what would have happened at phillip island 2003 if it hadn't just been the ghost of his bike that had to pick its way through the stragglers. then again, valentino says it's not just rage that does the trick for him - it's controlled rage... which is all well and good, except when you lose control

and see also:

that's what argentina 2018 is all about, isn't it? it's a performance that's rooted in impatience, in restlessness, in frustration - where marc tuns his "rage into pure speed", as valentino would put it, in a hubristic dismissal of the rest of the field. ideally, the two of them channel those emotions to spur themselves on to special, signature performances... but sometimes, it gets the better of them. it got the better of marc that day in argentina and cost him the tentative peace with valentino. at qatar, it could have cost valentino the title

(also shades of this in jerez 2020 - an error sets the stage for some extraordinary pace before it all goes wrong) (catalunya 2003 is a fun more compact nephew to that race without the unhappy ending)

now, look, am I saying that marc was really referring back to qatar 2004 specifically, a race that had happened fourteen years earlier, when making an off-hand remark in a post-race media scrum as he tried to do some damage control in the wake of one of the most controversial races of his career? well, no. he could have been! but it's unlikely. maybe he's shit at maths and was actually thinking about laguna 2008 after all. still, I would like to once again point out that he felt the need to mention valentino's behaviour at age twenty five not once but twice. he's telling us that he wants people to remember what valentino was like at that age, and in the most literal sense I am doing what he's asking for. surely it's worth at least noting that there just happens to be a race where valentino was at that exact age and his temper overcame his rationality, leading to him making a costly error... surely it's worth acknowledging this...

even if marc wasn't actually obliquely referring back to that race or indeed any of the races I mentioned above, of course the parallels between valentino's foibles and marc's are in any case interesting. it speaks to how they get those special performances out of themselves, the similarities in how they operate in that regard... but of course also in how they both sometimes stray rather close to the limit, how they repeatedly flirt with crossing the line. a stubbornness and a hubris and a rage that can sometimes lead to disaster for the both of them. and another thing - who knows if marc was thinking about qatar 2004, but he must have been thinking about something. that's the point of that jerez post, right... marc is valentino's successor in so many ways, he has fashioned himself in valentino's image - and he keenly grasps and remains aware of all the different aspects of that legacy. he's the most accomplished of valentino's students and he felt strongly that what he did in that race in argentina was in some way comparable to what valentino himself had been doing at his age, part of the same tradition even. yes, to some extent marc is obviously accusing valentino of hypocrisy here: how can you judge me when you were once young and foolish too? his tone isn't exactly filled with remorse either, is it, he's pretty feisty in that media scrum! still, there's something more to it... something almost poetic to the whole thing, wouldn't you say? valentino had just accused marc of ruining the sport - and in response marc wants people to remember that they are just the same

[canaidliafail]

stay grounded pt.2

streamer Abby anderson x streamer reader 🌿

[part 1] [part 3]

TW: weed & poor usage of the english language. MDI

quick note: HUUUUGE thank you to all the comments and reblogs and asks 🥹🤲🏻 I never thought I would get to experience such overwhelming support regarding my silly lil fics so Im very grateful and hope you enjoy the upcoming parts just as much

24 full hours passed until the moment you were almost ready to open her message. You didn’t know what to say or what she was going to ask. You liked the message there because what if the conversation just didn’t go well? What if she was reaching out to complain about your fans ? or what if…well just

what if

You checked the time and then your phone.Depending on where she lived you either were about to respond way too early or way too late and that mattered to you a lot because you needed to have excuses made accordingly for he lack of responding

“she is at the gym” or “she’s probably asleep”

“heyyyy :)” you typed the response and stared at it for a hard minute. Was it childish? no it was fine, it seemed friendly

you erased it and typed a “hi :)”

no now I seem passive aggressive

you erased it again and typed a “heyy” and pressed send before you could overthink that as well. Your eyes were glued on the screen and you almost forgot to blink. After a few minutes you exited the convo and pretended you were busy re-organizing the furniture in your living room and sweeping the surface of the coffee table. Your phone pinged and you lunged yourself on the couch grabbing it and looking at who texted you

It was June who sent you a link to a tiktok.

june: check this out!!!

kys

you typed annoyed and she sent a crying face with a series of messages complaining about how much of a bully you were. You opened your ps4 and decided to continue playing valhalla

your fingers started to twitch and you kept clenching your jaw and gritting your teeth stressed. You needed a distraction so in the spur of the moment you posted a story announcing you would be doing a casual stream playing valhalla in 30 minutes and went to roll a blunt while preparing everything.

you checked your phone one last time to see that your message was still left unopened and you feared it would stay that way.

“fuck snap out of it” you whispered rubbing your temples and taking one last slow drag. You carefully put the blunt on your moon shaped ashtray and left it on the living room along with your phone which was on mute.

You did your makeup and checked yourself ok the monitor a couple of times making sure everything looked right from every angle and looked at the mirror at the side of your computer checking your posture and how the clothes you chose sat on you.

You went for the disheveled look with a baggy T and sweat’s structured in a way that looked messy. You would never admit that this carefree “breezy” look took you a good few hours to perfect

you finally turned on your stream and waited for the majority of people to tune in “Hey everyone!”

you greeted them and started reading through the comments while discreetly checking yourself in the viewfinder so that your jaw stayed sharp and your hair in tact

“Hi nice to have you back Grim!” you tried to engage in longer conversations with names you saw pop up frequently in your streams and 20 minutes in you sat back and went to open your game

“alright I don’t have much time today but I thought we could hang out while I go do some tasks in valhalla. I wanna clear out some regions”

you went back and forth from your game screen to your chat occasionally replying but mostly reacting to the game

“Oh that Eivor figure ? Yes so as much as I want it I just can’t justify a purchase like that yet…But hey its on my wishlist so I owe a date to anyone who gets it for me” you said with a soft chuckle and then paused the game to throw out a disclaimer

“seriously though don’t- I, I mean sure do that if you want to but I know kost of you are college students so please don’t throw your money on me in such a way ok?” you said and checked the chat with a soft smile. A big chunk of your crowd was very sweet saying that they wanted to get you something from your wishlist and you entertained them while also reminding them to be responsible with their money

truthfully you made enough from this job and while your wishlist was open you didn’t have the necessity to ask people for gifts unless they started the conversation first

The stream was nice and slow without much happening till out of nowhere you started hearing more and more often the “subscribed to your channel” notification and started getting confused

“My god, welcome but where are all of you coming from?” you asked genuinely confused and saw the chat interacting with another favored figure. Favored by you and by your overlapping audience

staygrounded69: So this is the game you recommended. Looks interesting

Your ears were burning and your hands started to shake. You pretending to be reading, not trusting yourself to speak without stuttering. Abby, Abigail fucking Anderson was watching your stream

“Oh look whos here! Id tell you all to greet Abs but I'm sure most of you somehow found me through her today” you awkwardly said and went back to the game. Someone shamelessly sent a superchat with a voice note

“Abby should dress up as Eivor. She has the muscles” and your eyes widened at the image of that.

“That's a nice idea but she should play the game and see if she even likes it in the first place guys”

staygrounded69: Im intrigued by it for sure!

you could almost here her, hell you could almost picture the way she would say that and it did nothing to calm your nerves so in a rush you tried to end the stream feigning sleep taking over you and saying a bold lie that you had early classes tomorrow.

Once you logged out you turned off your pc and sat on your chair for a good few minutes breathing in and out thinking back to what had just happened

this was impossible. How? Why? no back to how. Actually why is better

why did she watch my stream?

You jumped off your chair and ran to the living room remembering the message. Sure enough there was a notification from the woman herself. Multiple actually

staygrounded69: the game you suggested seems interesting enough. Wanna gimme a summary of it yourself?

and then

staygrounded69: sorry was that overwhelming? Shit my fans go wild sometimes

You tapped to see her stories and her last was a photo of her living room, her dog Alice on the floor laying and her screen showing your stream. You took a good look at the image and your eyes stayed fixed on the corner of the pic where you could see her cropped frame showing only her spread legs in those mouth watering gray sweatpants

you went back to the messages

No its fine! caught me off guard is all but thanks for the shoutout <33

you answered and cringed at how formal and distant your response seemed

And of course I hope you actually enjoyed my stream

you waited and waited and a few minutes later you saw the sent turn into seen and the three dots appeared of her typing and deleting her message

staygrounded69: I did. Weird I never came across you before but you are very entertaining. Got a good look at what valhalla is about as well

no please don’t judge it by my stream today! its so much more than the shitty little quests I did today

you rushed to send the message, your passion overclouding your judgment and throwing your plans on the mysterious flirting out of the fucking window

You wanted to double text and divert the conversation to something else so that it would keep going but didn’t know how and felt that perhaps, that would’ve been a little more ambitious of you. After all she did only text you about the game in the first place

While you weren’t surprised about it but was a bit crestfallen, the conversation ended there with Abby leaving you on seen

•••

the next two days you obsessively waited for her to post a photo, which she didn’t and waited for a story which there was none and eventually with your friends help you shoved your phone in your bag and tried to get over it

It helped that you had a fat stack of assignments to work through for the week so you buried your head in fabrics and threads and tried to finish the project that was given.

a suit, which meant one inch sewn too far and the thing would be loose and crooked. You used once again yourself as a model for the costume since dragging your friends away from their work and studies didn’t sit well with you. Besides, anyone would be bored of having to sit and wait for you to stitch ,measure, sew, tell them to get up, make them put it on and then do all of that fifty times over till you got the piece right.

Cassie did insist she would love doing that for you given that she had the time but you still refused.

You would love to eventually have an actual model for your end of year fashion show but until then You'd just have to do.

By Friday everything was fixed and wrapped ready to be presented. You were waiting in line as all of you presented your work to the professor and she took her time studying each student's work. You had already tried the suit on and had taken photos to have proof that the measurements were correct both on you and on the doll that you used so you weren't too worried about it.

You had posted the photos on your profile unsure of how they would go since you felt like no one would care enough about things unrelated to the games you play.

“You did a good job. This Fabric though, Why did you choose it?”

your throat was dry and your nerves on edge

“I wanted the extra effect and felt velvet would look good on some parts”

“I see. Try to add extra effect when you learn how to do the basics first, alright?”

You wanted to cry but just gave a curt nod, put the suit back in the bag and went to the back of the class waiting for the short examination to end. This week had a banging start and a Godawful end and you couldn’t wait to go home and sleep it off. You checked the time. one more class and then you were free

In between lectures you decided to head to the cafeteria to see if there was anything left to snack on besides protein bars that tasted like dust or chips which, of course there wasn’t. Kitchen was open only in the early hours which left all of you who had afternoon-night classes to starve and figure it out on your own. With a sigh you went to the guy and asked for a coffee

“I want-“

“Iced latte, sugar and hazelnut syrup. Don’t worry I remember the type of cake you get in your espresso”

you chuckled and leaned against the counter scrolling leisurely through your feed not bothering to check the likes or comments yet

“long week?”

“yeah and I had project presentation too”

“oh shit. What major are you in again?”

“Fashion design and construction. I like it not complaining just-“

You were checking everyone's stories eventually landing on Ellies and had to double check making sure you weren’t mistaken or too sleep deprived to see well. She has shared your post of you wearing your velvet crimson suit. A deep V cut suit and she boldly left a little note at the corner

A good day to be a lesbian

“just?” The barista asked passing you, your coffee which you barely heard, too confused on how she even found you. Making the immediate and only reasonable connection you checked Abby's feed. She had shared your photo a few hours before ellie did and she left a little comment of her own. Way more specific and catered to you making your stomach do a backflip

This woman ♡

Your knees were weak and you started to feel nauseous. You took a seat at the counter looking up at the barista

“mind if I take a seat?”

“sure, did something happen? You don’t look so good”

“I'm fine- thanks…Just light headed”

“alright take your time”

he went back to his work, his frame disappearing behind the door of the -staff only- room leaving you alone.

Thankfully the cafeteria had few people left. two girls at the far east corner on their computers and a guy on the other end of the counter listening to music on his phone and taking notes.

You sent the screenshots to your groupchat. after 10 minutes of being left on “delivered” You spammed them with different meaningless messages to get their attention. Cassie was the first to cave in

cassie: Should we call you international casanova now or…?

CASSIE!!

June: They are both in seattle so I guess she's moving locally

Cassie: Seattle is 1,000€ away from our country so not really

Guys can you help?! Im panicking

Do I text Abby? should I respond

June: YOU HAVEN'T ALREADY?! YES OF COURSE SHE IS SENDING YOU HINTS

Cassie: Damn you really said “I will miss every chance God throws at me”

Rick: sent a link to a facebook post

Cassie: ???

You laughed, feeling a little better trying to ignore the obvious set for failure that any of this flirting was considering that indeed, Abby lived too far

You shook your head and went to respond to her story. If you just thanked her, this wouldn’t go anywhere. If you whined about your teacher this would show uncomfortable familiarity

Took me a week but was worth the effort♡

you responded and her immediate reply came few seconds later

staygrounded69:You made this?! Man you’re talented

No no it's just…measuring and shit.Anyone who’s handy with crafting could learn that

staygrounded69:You could say I'm good with my hands yeah…

You choked on your coffee and started coughing, your arm over your mouth to drown the noise. You had the most stupid smile on your face. You grabbed your bag and decided that you would skip the last class to go back home. No, you needed to enjoy this the way you enjoyed reading a good romance book and the only way to do that was in the comfort of your apartment.

once you reached the bus stop you opened your phone again and went to your chat

Man she was shameless and you leaving her on read for 20 minutes did nothing to make her falter. You could definitely get behind this attitude. It was expected that someone so timid and shy would probably have a nastier side and you really wanted to find out to what extent that went

And here I was hoping to teach you

staygrounded69:That’s one way to spend our date. Learning how to sew sounds interesting

Date? You sure are bold

staygrounded69:Am I? its you who owes me one. Don’t go back on your word now

You looked at the message puzzled, your smile dropping due to the genuine confusion. Did she mistake you for someone else ? Was this message directed to another girl? your bus came and the doors slid open with the rest of the college students walking in. You looked up at their moving frames and finally had a spark of an idea.

it was stupid and a reach but you did make that stupid offer on your stream regarding the ¼ scale Eivor statue.

You checked your wishlist and scrolled all the way down before finally switching to the “purchased” section.

It was there

you went back to your chat

insane. You are insane

staygrounded69; Dont worry about it. Its not the different from getting you coffee

jesus how much do these sponsors pay you?!

you asked and chuckled awkwardly to yourself. Needless to say. You had very well missed your bus too focused on the conversation and the unexpected direction it took. In the back of your mind you had a bad hunch. This didn’t feel like Abby. But you didn’t know Abby so you decided to push it back for once and let yourself enjoy whatever was going on

Staygrounded69: Sponsors are good and all but the real deal comes from my onlyfans

Your brows shot up and your eyes went from your phone to the side of the pavement. You kicked a stone and let it tumble.

She had onlyfans. Abby anderson had onlyfans and you had no idea. Oh this was dangerous information. You were sure your bank was about to cancel your cards by telepathically reading your mind any minute now.

My bad, I had no idea.

staygrounded69: Yeah set it up not too long ago which fuck, I left you on read cause things were all over the place with work. Sorry for that

Your heart felt warm and you were glad to redirect the heat in your pants to somewhere more productive. Preferably that would’ve been your brain but that didn’t work even when Abby wasn’t involved.

its cool, I get it

staygrounded69: Now about that date

I'd love to but I happen to live a few

countries away from yours

staygrounded69: Then how about you make some time for me and we can play a game together sometime this week?

you bit your lip. You could not believe this. You would go on call with her. The most beautiful woman to ever grace this planet wanted to go on a call with you and play a game. Ha! and people say romance is dead

deal 💕

you said and content you locked your phone and took a seat at the bus stop waiting for your ride. You felt a little more appreciative of how your week ended after all

—————————

coming next: cotton exploring Abbys OF page so next episode will finally have some spice <3

thank you for reading

[kastlequill]

i/v. ‘til my pulse loses time: pulsus bisferiens

pairing: kyle gaz garrick x f!reader word count: 1.3k synopsis: the first time you save gaz tags: whumptober, gunshot wounds, blood and injury, wound tending, hurt/comfort, medic!reader, 4+1, no y/n warnings: none ao3: read here next →

I.

Tuesdays were unremarkable. They couldn’t compare to the infamous Mondays or halfway-mark Wednesdays, to anticipatory Thursdays or the thank-God-it’s Fridays, least of all to the relaxing Saturdays and Church-going Sundays.

The new orders you received last Tuesday, however, were anything but plain. There was nothing ordinary about getting shipped out to a classified location to provide aid to the soldiers injured during their classified missions to eliminate classified targets.

You knew next to nothing about your current assignment. High command had informed you that you’d be working as the lead on-site medic, tending to the wounded and assisting in their recovery to the best of your abilities. That was all your superiors had felt the need to tell you.

The base of operation was fairly sizable, well stocked, and even had a couple other medical personnel around to help too, so you couldn’t really complain. You’d primarily be dealing with soldiers who were designated as special operators, and, in your experience, those types made absolute dogshit patients. Only a single week had passed, yet you could already tell that some of the lot were more injury-prone than others.

A specific British SAS sergeant came to mind.

Your first time meeting him had been relatively benign; he’d entered the mess hall as you exited. Although speedily heading in different directions, he had nonetheless offered a casual salute, and you had returned his gesture with a nod of your own. Simple, polite. No fuss.

The exact opposite of how he arrived to you today, the second Tuesday of the month.

Two towering men flanked him on either side as they shouldered their half-conscious comrade into your medbay. With them came chaos. Thick English accents yelling for a medic, combat boots storming toward you, dragging in a trail of blood. They brought war to your feet and Death to your door.

Rushing over to them, you quickly scanned the sergeant’s body for damage. Preliminary assessments yielded speculative results at best: a tourniquet around his thigh told of prior heavy bleeding, and the sway of his head meant he wasn’t fully capable of supporting its weight. But nothing was certain. 

“What am I dealing with here? Concussion, gunshot wound, broken bones—?”

“—got caught in the blast radius,” interrupted a gruff voice belonging to the masked lieutenant. “Knocked ‘im back a few meters. No major visible injuries, ‘cept a bullet to the leg.” 

You swore. “Is it still inside?” 

Exit wounds typically offered a better prognosis; the energy driving forth a gunshot needed somewhere to go, and, preferably, that somewhere was far from surrounding organs or internal systems. If the piece of metal remained lodged inside of him, then you would have to remove it.

He answered with a single definitive nod. Unsurprising; of course nothing in war ever turned out for the better.

“Put him on my table. Carefully.” 

The two soldiers hauled their brother-in-arms up onto the examination table that had seen more action within a week than most ever did. Trauma to the head required immediate attention; the brain was a delicate organ, and if the explosion had badly jostled it against the walls of his skull, there could be severe damage.

Unwilling to waste a second longer, you gently parted the now-supine man’s eyelids with your fingertips to get a look at his pupils. In the midst of an unfocused sea of brown, one pupil was more dilated than the other—concussed, then. At the intensity of the blue overhead light, he reflexively squinted and shut his eyes once more.

That wouldn’t do. “Sergeant, I need you to open those eyes again, okay? Think you can track this flashlight for me?”

Being as sensitive to brightness as he was currently, it took some effort for him to pry his eyes open. They valiantly fought the urge to close whilst following the stick-end of your black flashlight from left to right, right to left. There was some unsteady shakiness to their movement, but they still appeared properly calibrated.

“You’re doing great,” you encouraged, holding his gaze as you pocketed the light. The next course of action was to check his processing of visual information. “How many fingers am I holding up?”

He blinked slowly, an inquisitive frown contorting his features. Several confusion-riddled seconds elapsed until the man decided to simply feel what he could not see. Grasping your hand in his own, he grazed your knuckles with a calloused thumb, explored the lengths of your raised fingers, puzzled out how they were configured into the shape of a peace sign. Recognition sparked in his eyes.

“Two.”

An endeared smile graced your lips. The only predictable constant in this profession was its unpredictability. None of your previous patients had done that before.

“Try again.” You lightly pulled your hand free and watched his own fall back to rest on his chest, physically unable to sustain the lifted position. Unfurling your ring finger to join your index and middle, three total fingers hovered in front of his face, just out of reach. “How many do you see now?”

Without using his sense of touch to determine the correct number, all the sergeant could do was sigh and reply honestly. “Six.”

“Y’can’t be serious, Gaz. The limit’s five,” his mohawked companion corrected, a hint of incredulity and amusement slipping into his tone.

“Quit taking the piss, we’ve got ten of ‘em.” The words were slurred, but intelligible. As he spoke, his brows began to furrow, the man suddenly unsure of himself. He looked at the captain, whose belated entrance managed to diffuse some of the anxiety present in the room. “Right, sir?”

The room erupted with noise as the three other soldiers simultaneously began to talk over each other. You were able to catch the occasional bloody hell and heard yes, Gaz, that’s right and even chuckled a bit at no need to worry, you still ‘ave all ten of the little bastards.

Military folk had a specific way of coping with the consequences of war, and you didn’t think you would ever quite understand it from your side of the line. But if it worked, then it worked. What mattered was the patient’s ability to persist in spite of the world; the exact methods used to do so weren’t up for scrutiny, not by you or anyone else.

Donning a clean pair of surgical gloves, you exchanged glances with the technician and nurse on duty. “Get him a CT scan. Let’s make sure his brain’s in one piece, then we can deal with the bullet. I’ll prep the OR.”

When you made to leave, a tug on your wrist stopped you in your tracks. A quick turn of your head revealed the image of his loose yet insistent grip around you once again, unwilling to let go of what had seemingly become his sole anchorage to the land of the living.

“Don’t worry,” you said softly, squeezing his hand in yours. This—comforting the wounded—was as much a part of the healing process as medicine itself. Even the toughest of soldiers reverted to a childlike state of vulnerability after too close a brush with death. “Everything’s going to be just fine.”

The tension in his features relaxed as did his hold on you, and he lowered himself to lay flat on the table’s surface before being wheeled away by the technician. As you watched his form disappear beyond the threshold of a plastic curtain, you were struck with a near-overwhelming sense of foreboding.

Though you hoped this Gaz wouldn’t soon return with an irremediable injury, optimism had never been your strong suit.

tbc.

[1ovede1uxe]

jobros go to college!

I was working on a couple concepts for fics and came up with this idea, I'm also missing being at uni so... yeah .

Robert E.O. Speedwagon is 100% a business major. He probably has a minor in finance as well, or maybe a double major? He didn't make a fortune without the education on how to grow an empire or how to manage it. He's also probably in a major exclusive frat, something like alpha kappa psi (fraternity open to business students) or beta alpha psi (international honors society for finance students). Socially, he's a designated driver, and he's always got your back. If you're at a party, you can trust your drink with him.

Caesar Zeppeli would be an archaeology major with a minor in either a fine art or history. He's mature and knows he needs to major in something semi-practical, but doesn't want to leave behind the things he holds dear. perhaps im projecting. He's an overachiever, just does about everything he can, and he's popular. If he's studying in an English speaking country, he's taking part in Italian club. He's probably in some kind of social frat leadership position as well. Despite all these responsibilities and booming social life, he's on top of his grades, and is always on the dean's list. At parties, he's social and flirty per usual, but needs a few drinks to get going, in which he can be a bit grouchy or easy to rile up.

Kakyoin Noriaki is difficult for me to decide on, I can absolutely see him being something like a computer science major, as he loves video games and his smarts. But I could also see him being the other side of the coin, doing something like anthropology or cultural studies. I'm not going to lie, he has an ego about how smart he is. or at least he acts like it, overconfidence to overcompensate for insecurity, perhaps? He's in some kind of major exclusive fraternity or honors society for his major, granted reluctantly, but he knows he needs the connections. Do not be fooled by his somewhat nerdy appearance or profile, he's a hoot at parties, but don't expect him to go to one without at least a friend there.

Okuyasu Nijimura will switch his major every month up until his advisor stops him. Wherever he lands, he lands and he takes it and runs. Oh an he is absolutely in the marching band (more on that at a later date). Academically, he's at okay standing, not entirely because of lack of smarts but lack of turning in work regularly. Okuyasu isn't in any greek organizations however he hangs around people who are so much, he's at almost every event. He's a great time and the life of the party, with or without a couple drinks.

Pannacotta Fugo, is a double major 100%. Majoring in statistics and political science, plus a minor in psychology, and pre-law, this man is stacked. For the sake of this headcanon, lets pretend he entered college at a standard age. He absolutely took every AP/A Level he could and has his Associate's by his entry. He's in honors societies for both of his majors no doubt, and he's a tutor. Is he a good tutor? Yes and no, he has questionable methods, but has the best pass rate of any tutor, professor or student, in his whole university. You won't find him at any kind of party, and if you do oh boy is he not happy about it, but he'll still drive those close to him home.

Ermes Costello is going to be also somewhere in the field of law, due to her strong sense of justice. Perhaps criminal justice/criminology ironically. She’s on the track team, but you can still find her hanging out with friends from intramural sports (I'm getting soccer?) and maybe a cultural club. She's in a coed service frat, perhaps alpha phi omega. She's at a lot of parties and she hosts a lot too when she can, and she's got your back. You can trust her to hold your drink, and defend you from whatever dumb person won't leave you alone.

★ masterlist

[lemonflavoreddishsoap]

Hello!!, I saw that you were accepting requests so I wanted to ask for a LS with a S/o who is a member of a punk band!!

PS: sorry for my bad english… I'm using a translator to send this:(

Since I already kiiiind of did similar headcanons for Formaggio and Risotto, I won't include them in these headcanons, I hope that's okay!!

ADDITION IM ADDING NOW AS I FINALLY WORK ON SOME DRAFTS HOOOOOOLY SHIT AM I SORRY I'VE NEGLECTED MY DRAFTS FOR SO LONG I'm going to try to get back into a writing groove!!!!

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La Squadra with an S/O in a punk band

Illuso

He makes everyone and their grandma listen to your band. He's boasting about how good your music is, he's practically a living advertisement. If you don't want people to get sick of your band's music, please try to ask him to stop

If you're the singer of the band, he'll sometimes start singing your songs, hoping you'll start singing with him.

Hell, even if you aren't the singer, he'll do it.

Makes his way into as many concerts as he can - his stand comes in handy here as he sneaks in pretty damn easily...I mean I don't really know if he needs to but he does anyway?

Prosciutto

Music-wise, it's not exactly something you two connect on, however, he recognises talent when he sees/hears it.

And while he may not listen to your band's stuff on his own time, he will never turn down watching you practice a song or an instrument either on your own or with your band.

Your sheer concentration and skill captivates and attracts him, he loves it.

If you ask for it, he's willing to give feedback when you play him works in progress - he's very fair with his comments, never too harsh, never too soft.

Pesci

He is CONSTANTLY praising you. Number one fan all day every day, supporting your band as much as he possibly can.

I've said before that I think Pesci's music tastes are a bit of everything, so he has a good appreciation for the kind of art you make and you two can bond over music pretty easily.

He's very nervous about talking to any of your bandmates, but he always asks you to pass along compliments to them. Appreciation for everyone! aughghghg i love him

If he has the time, and you're okay with it, he loves to help with performances!!! If you need help setting ANYTHING, he is willing to help out

Also...be prepared for a very proud, mushy Pesci after any of your performances

Melone

"You've been playing together for how long? And your biggest inspirations are...?" idk why I just think he would like. Be a major contributor if you guys had like a wikipedia page or something. He's interviewing you and tippy tapping away (there's a post showing off how silly he types, I need to find it again)

He's asking about all the instruments, all the equipment - if you'd be so gracious as to possible teach him how to use any of them he will be thrilled.

He's just generally super curious about it all, he possibly asks too many questions...as in, you're wondering if he already knows the answer and just wants to listen to you talk.

Similar to Pesci, Melone spreads the appreciation all throughout your band!! No one's talent goes unnoticed to him, and in time he'd like to befriend the other members of the band.

Ghiaccio

Watching you perform does something to him. He's completely fucking silent and his eyes are GLUED on you. It's kind of scary from an outside perspective but to you it's absolutely adorable.

He's listening to your band all the time. Ghiaccio, at least in my thoughts, has such a deep passion for music and pays deep attention to how each individual in a group plays their instruments, how it all comes together to create a unique sound. Obviously, this is a million times more special for him listening to your stuff because well...it's you.

In previous headcanons, I mentioned that he blasts music into his ears when he listens as a sensory thing. With yours, he likes to close his eyes and imagine you and your band are right there.

No because now I can't stop thinking about it. Ghiaccio would love to have a musician s/o. He would love that so much holyshit?

You find him in heated arguments against random people in the comments of videos of your songs. Classic Ghiaccio.

[forgottenroisin]

Malconaire Samain Traditions

AUTHOR'S NOTES

ok so!!! before i get into this too much, some author's notes, starting w fun facts abt irl samhain (which i wrote samain above bc that's the old irish spelling and we're mostly going w old irish spellings here -- caoimhe rather than keeva, etc) that im running w here are as follows: ancient celtic tradition holds w largely two types of major celebration on their quartered calendar: Beltaine and Samhain which occurred on opposite times of the year, and Imbolc and Lughnasa which also straddled the year. The latter set marked important crop rotations: sowing and harvesting the fields.

The former, however, are said to have been dedicated to the movements of cattle herds and their shephards. At Beltaine, the shephards and their flocks would wrap up their half year of having held their beasts at home amongst the village in the valleys where they were safe from winter snows. at samhain, the shephards would do the opposite: begin driving their herds home across the treacherous montain passes from where they had been grazing in upland pastures for six months, and heading home to the valleys. Both Samhain and Beltane were seen as liminal or threshold holidays. Yet, they were also seen as inverse of one another, with Beltane being a festival for the living and Samhain for the dead.

Many Irish and British Neolithic tombs are aligned such that they are illuminated by the light of the sun as it over Samhain and Imbolc.

In Celtic belief, all spirits appear to be interlinked, w ghosts alternately appearing as faries or gods and vice versa, so I've used guardians, gods, and ghosts here where I thought most appropriate as stand ins but yeah this is just my interpretation??? Anyway, fairy mounds are often literally burial mounds so make of that what you will! I did ultimately choose to include ghosts but I strongly considered restricting it to purely guardians and gods, but yeah! Lmk if you think I should go back and restrict it to just those two!

Samhain in Ireland and Scotland are pr similar, so there'll def bc riffs from both cultures but, bc Rosie's name means little rose, and the very related ancient Welsh tradition of Calan Gaeaf ties in both roses AND ivy v strongly, I'm gonna be pulling a lot from that, as well.

I'm also gonna steal some Venetian St. Mark's Day beliefs and practices and English St. Mark's Eve ones. I have zero excuse except that it dovetails really nicely, and that its frankly sooo fitting for our Miss Rosie.

all the 'tales' here are inspired and even drawn directly from ancient lore!

Cleansing fire and light, cleaning, divination, guising (dressing up and trick or treat-esque shenanigans), dancing, mummery, saining (blessings), feasting, belief that spirits (good and evil, human and fae and godly and demoic, etc) walk amongst us that night, and veneration of the dead are common themes, and it is believed that it is this time when the veil is thinnest between the various otherworlds and our own.

Samhain is a last deep breath before the plunge. It is a time of preparing for the death of winter to come. Interestingly, Samain, the Old Irish root word for Samhain, is thought to come from an ancient word for 'summer,' though it was celebrated in November. No one knows why, but imma lean into it as a rebirth kind of symbolism -- yknow that 'spring in winter' sort of concept. Another explanation is that Samain comes from yet another ancient word that means 'reuninion, assembly,' and imma lean into that, too.

There was initially a fortnight of celebrations for Samain, which overtime got cut down to our modern night of Halloween, so idk how long this celebration should last hahaha and i deliberately left the timeline vague bc of that

Conveniently, I'd already hc'ed that Rosie actually views autumn as more a time of rebirth than spring (weirdly enough, it was actually one of my v first hc's for her!), and all this will allow me to tie it in nicely with her character theme of wonder <3

(Also disclaimer that you might notice some similarities between this and my TFW not!halloween traditions in which case...no you didn't ;DDDDD its just that i was inspired by the same sources hahaha except here i pulled in welsh and venetian things as my secondary instead of ancient roman and greek things aklsjdflkjdfdf)

SAMAIN TRADITIONS

like her sisters, rosie was born around the time of an ancient astairan holiday, causing the celebrations to overlap in malconaire

hers falling near samhain, an autumnal festival celebrating the midpoint between the autumn equinox and the winter solstice, and is held to mark the beginning of winter

it is said that it is at this time that the veil between this world and the other is said to be at its thinnest and, thus, the guardians are feted in an effort to strengthen them during this most dangerous period, w seers and all the ppl of astaira gathering to do whatever they can to help

it is a time of unity and mutual faith, generosity and thanksgiving, of finding strength and hope and cheer in ourselves and in one another even as things grow their darkest

as twilight gleams its last, all the fires in the region are put out and a great bonfire lit by a seer at the local shrine. from this protective blaze, every fire in the region is relit so that cleansing, protective fire burns for the guardians against the gods in every home, every shrine, and every gathering place across all malconaire

it is said that on this night, sometimes even non-seers can hear the whisperings of the guardians -- and that, at times -- the howls of the gods echo across the world, but beware to any who hears ought, for gods can appear and speak as any being they wish and, it is said, one must never trust a stranger who arrives upon samhain who will not go into the light

according to ancient tradition, anyone who believes w a true heart may wield some of the powers of a true seer because the veil is so thin, and in addition to being able to hear the voices of gods and guardians, can also sometimes hear the voices of their deceased loved ones

sometimes this is said to be a trick of the evil gods, but many believe that deceased loved ones do in fact arise

in addition to the fires, many gifts of food and drink and harvest and flowers etc are offered to the guardians, in addition to gifts of delights and entertainments such as dances and plays

as it is said that ghosts rise from their graves at this time, whether crossing over from an otherworld or revived by the power of the wicked gods, welcoming feasts are held in every home and, during the feasts, in addition to offerings made to the guardians, places are set for dead members of the family who may be visiting their loved ones while they are able

hoping to thwart any wicked spirits or gods who might be walking the earth, many wear a guise each night when the protective power of the sun is snuffed out

bc it is said that everyone may have use of a seers powers, it is also tradition to go from house to house and give offerings and blessings back and forth there, and this is often when fires from the great shrine bonefire are brought to each home, as well

following feasting in homes, there is also a tradition of gathering around the great bonfire in the evening and sharing sweets

while there, dancing and plays go on with gift-giving continuing well into the night

traditionally, one carves their name into a stone and then tosses it into the fire. those stones that had had the name burned clean off of it will receive good fortune. those whose names are still writ upon the stones will do well to take care over the course of the winter, with death or misfortune said to hunt them

Myths, legends, and ghost stories are all frequently told around the bonfire, with some tales being considered specific to Samain, and others simply tall tales or simply invented stories, but whatever their origin, stories play a highly important role on Samain, both as offerings and as entertainment. i'll include one or two as a sample somewhere in here

traditionally, all across astaira, peace was delcared during samain and it was a great time of unification, of treaties, of mending fences great and small, neighbor to neighbor and nation to nation, alike, w any conflict or even grudge, save that against the gods, being seen as borderline blasphemous, and an insult to the guardians for all efforts must be communally poured into that conflict at this time

in this same vein, it is a time for housekeeping, both great and small -- houses are cleaned, spick and span, and great councils are called by the rulers to undergo yearly reforms

anyone who broke laws during this time would, therefore, be banished for the rest of the year for the grievous offence of having wounded the goodwill of the guardians

traditionally, astairans avoid crossroads during samain, said to be haunted by nefarious deadmen and gods

on the morning samain, young and unmarried people traditionally go out into the fields and collect ivy and autumn roses. traditionally, girls collect ivy while boys pick roses, after which they come together again, with the girls presenting the boys they admire with ivy and the boys presenting roses to the girls they fancy. if a couple's presentations are mutual, they then wind them together and create crowns of roses-and-ivy to wear. at the end of the day, each girls collects all the roses she has been given, and each boy all his ivy and mingle them till they do not know who gave which. then they toss one into the bonfire for the guardians are return home, placing the remaining plants under their pillow. it is said that they will then dream of their future and, if they remember any of the dream, some of it will come true in the coming year. it is also sometimes said that if they dream of a particular other person, they will likely wed that person.

unmarried women are instructed to darken their rooms in the evening, and then a married woman can look into the mirror to see the face of the future groom. If a skull appears in the mirror, the unmarried woman is meant to die within the year. If a future groom cannot be seen, unmarried women are instructed to peel an apple and throw the skin over their shoulders. The shape the apple skin makes is said to show the first initial of her future husband

just before midnight, any remaining children are bundled off to bed and, then, it is tradition for those who wish to see to gather on the holy ground of the shrine, for surrounded by the guardians is the only way one may safely witness what is to come. those who do not wish to see must return quickly home and close all their windows and close their eyes and try to sleep, for any not protected by the guarian who looks upon it shall die on the spot. those who stay at the shrine may see, but they must maintain absolute silence or it is said they shall never see again. at midnight, the dead walk. a whole squadron of them troop by, but if one should spot oneself or any known to one trooping with them, that person is doomed to die within the year. some say the cause of death may even be observed, drowned victims soaked to the bone or hanged men marching with nooses around their necks, and such the like.

games and friendly competitions around the bonfire are common, such as dares and apple bobbing

two hazelnuts roast near a fire; one named for the person roasting them and the other for the person the desire. If the nuts jump away from the heat, it is a bad sign, but if the nuts roast quietly, it foretells an excellent match. 

Items were hidden in food—usually a cakes and breads — and portions of it served out at random. A person's future is foretold by the item they happened to find; for example, a ring means marriage, and a coin means wealth

A salty oatmeal bannock was baked; the person ate it in three bites and then went to bed in silence without anything to drink. This was said to result in a dream in which their future spouse offers them a drink to quench their thirst

Egg whites are dropped in water, and the shapes foretell the number of future children

SAMPLE OF SAMAIN TALES

story of a seer who rushed up to the door to the otherworld in the repulsion of gods, but closed the door as the gods were sealed off on his thumb. he then sucked on his wounded thumb and, from that moment, was said to have gained otherworldly wisdom but the cost was that he was, too, a link that the gods had to this world so he ultimately sealed himself, too, away inside a tree using their own magic to bind himself so that he could harm no one, but it is said that the gods have no mercy and that they force his ghost to walk the world on the night of Samain and sow the seeds of their ill-will for the year to come.

the monstrous gods used to demand two-thirds of the ppl's crops and livestock and even children during samain before they were sealed away, causing many to starve

a certain god, it is said, would command three men to go to a certain goddess every Samain to seduce her. when they inevitably failed, he would take their lives and force them to walk the world as his undead vessels for the rest of the year, wreaking untold havoc upon the world till at least one did succeed and the goddess gave him her magical garter. before the god killed his two companions, the goddess' lover, said sometimes to be from the snail house and alternately from the frog house, warned the vile god that it would spell his own doom if he struck those men down. laughing, the evil god did so, and so the lover used the magic girdle to fight and defeat him and help the guardians seal him away ((fun fact, this is drawn from a story said to have been the origin of the bog men...hence the frog or snail house being involved!))

one samain night, before the veil was raised against the gods, the king offered a prize to any who could tie a band around a hanged man's ankle. each challenger after the other fled in terror to the king's hall but one. when the band was tied, the dead man asked for a drink so, feeling pity for the hanged man, the challenger carried him on his back, stopping at three houses. when they entered the third, the dead man drank and spat it on the householders, killing them. returning to the gallows to bind him again, the challenger spotted an army of the gods burning the king's hall and slaughtering those inside. the challenger pursued the host through a portal into an otherworld where he learned that what he had seen since touching the hanged man was only a vision of what would happen the next samain unless something was done. he returned to the hall and warned the king, and astaira began to arm themselves against the gods who plotted against them.

another tale tells of a man who fell deeply in love w a goddess before the veil was raised against them. so in love was he that he followed her to an otherworld, despite her warnings that if he followed her, he could never return home. they lived happily together for two years before he began to long for home. watching him pine away, the goddess agreed to allow him to visit the mortal realm on her own horse, but only if he solemnly swore never to dismount the horse which would take him there and then back to her. he hastily agreed and started on his way. yet, when he arrived, he found that in the mortal realm two hundred years, and not two, had passed and that everyone he loved had died. distressed to see their graves, he fell from the horse to kiss them, but as soon as he stepped upon the ground, mortality found him and he grew old and died on the spot, collapsing as no more than bones and dust upon the earth of the graves of those he loved.

according to legend, the tradition of presenting roses and ivy to a lover originated when a man of low social standing is said to have fallen in love with a lady of house malconaire known for wearing ivy in her hair. in order to win her father's approval -- who said he might only wed his daughter if he could prove his love for her was true -- he became involved in a distant war. he was mortally wounded in battle, but managed to pluck a rose from a nearby rosebush for his loved one. a companion was entrusted with returning the blood-stained rose to his lover, who cast the ivy from her hair and wore the rose until the day she died. from their graves, buried beside each other, ivy and roses still grow.

CHARACTER HC'S

it was during samain, many years ago, that domhnall and later his heir, eilionora, offered roderick a treaty but both efforts he rebuffed. to the first effort to achieve peace he did not reply. yet when eilia tried again, he did, sending her only a piece of paper that bore simply a list of the countries he'd already conquered, with astaira's name listed at the bottom. eilia did not try again.

on the samain before bran and sorcha began courting, he decided that he would woo her with the traditional roses. sadly, however, he wasn't able to get out into the fields until late and, when he finally did, all that were left were very, very small roses, indeed. fortunately, she had the same idea and presented him with ivy as well. when she saw the wee rosebuds, which he presented with some embarrassment, saying he ought to have given her something far greater, she laughed and declared that someday he would -- if they ever had a daughter born in autumn, her name should be roisin, for the first gift he had ever given to her.

last samain, rosie presented edmund with ivy, forgetting he problably knew nothing of the tradition (and would likely consider it heresy, if he did!) realizing too late that he probably didn't know what she was telling him, she laughed and made a joke of it, weaving him a ivy crown, anyway, saying that if he meant to rule over astaira, someday, he best pay attention as he would have to know how to make a flower crown. she never mentioned it again.

bran threw eggs into water with sorcha the year they were married. when her egg predicted four children and his six, he was terrified it might mean he would outlive her and she laughed and told him that was a ridiculous thing to suppose, for he'd come to their marriage with two children already: his raven, and malconaire.

the year of sorcha's death, she stayed out to watch the ghosts walk, hoping for a last glimpse of a loved one whom she had just lost, while bran took the children home to sleep. she was drawn and white when bran awoke the next morning and, though she made jokes of it when he mentioned it and proceeded about her day, she seemed distracted, but would say nothing of what she had seen. at the time, bran only assumed that she was distressed about her loss, but after she died, he always wondered if perhaps she had seen her own spirit on the march that night.

though usually done privately for their parents, rosie always enjoyed mumming with her sisters at samain, telling tall tales and dramatic ones alike amongst themselves

while she hasn't done any mummery since childhood, as she imagines its likely not dignified for a lady of her age and position, she does still enjoy guising and generally dresses as favorite heroines from fairy tales and other stories. she is convinced cassandra would enjoy this as well and wants to bring her to such an event one of these years. no o ne can seem to convince her this is terrible idea.

cillian stays out late every year to watch the souls pass and, every year, he informs saoirse that he has seen her go by, but she says she'll have her revenge one of these days, because someday he ~will see her, and then he'll be sorry when he has to tell her so and she laughs in his face.

[mizugucci]

onf in chicago

hi yall im finally posting my account of seeing onf in chicago!!!! its only like 4 days late... like i said best day ever!!! below are all my notes + a bunch of photos, please forgive what i look like lol but i was so happy :)

for those that know me, know this was a HUGE deal. so of course this is going to be very long and detailed. luckily for most of my followers ill be putting it under a readmore <3

so i bought the highest tier ticket for obvious reasons, so ill just so chronologically:

first was sound check and they did ugly dance and i could NOT believe i was seeing onf in the flesh. im pretty sure i died and went to heaven then and there

once they were done with soundcheck, they did the hi-touch and group photo. the actual practice was messy but it was fun so i don't think people minded. i dont remember anything except that for whatever reason, i was legitimately the FIRST PERSON and it was a lot lmao

additionally during the group photo i had wyatt to myself lol i froze for a second but he was so kind and polite, he asked what pose i wanted to do and i dont remember if i responded or not but we did a little heart together <3

then the fansign happened and i dont remember the majority of it, partly bc i was a flustered idiot lol but i got my complete album signed!!!! life goal met for sure. wyatt i remember specifically thinking again how kind and polite he was, idr seungjun/etion but i got to hyojin and he had his hand up kind of for a highfive and i gave him the album and tried to high five at the same time it was. very awkward LOL he thought it was funny (i hope) then yuto complimented my kitty cat ears!!! i remember saying something stupid and being an idiot in front of minkyun too but. what can we do

finally was the long anticipated fanchat!!! i had my fanchat with yuto obviously and it was nerve wracking as hell but i love him so much i powered through and i hope he got something out of our conversation

the photo that we took & he signed was my best one of the night, so im really happy with how that turned out. its going to be my treasure for a long time to come:

anyway first thing i want to note is that we were sitting at high tables for the talk, but he couldnt even sit without the table dwarfing him so he stood the whole time LMAO my short king i love him so much

so after we took the photo i sat down and honestly im not sure how much he understood the first half, bc he didnt react/respond and he was slightly confused about english in the 2nd half but ANYWAY i told him i was so so proud of him, how far he's come and especially weathering the time of being alone during military era... lots of gushy stuff lol

then i asked him what b-side he liked dancing to the most and he was SO CUTE when he cocked his head and went "b-side?" so it took a moment to get my point across and he was like ohhhh, umm fly me to the moon! and i almost made a total fool of myself reacting LOL bc as some of you know, fly me to the moon is literally my favorite ONF b-side. of all time. and partly due to yuto's center dance break with the saxophone.

yuto was confused but excited when i reacted (like i audibly gasped) and i said omg thats my favorite too!!! and he got so happy and i even proved it further being like, *points to u* dance break center! saxophone! and he nodded a bunch and was so excited lmao

i think he was also surprised at being a favorite, especially when he asked me when i became a fan and i said end of 2017 (which was true i was a fan, but became a stan in jan of 2019) and he seemed impressed! then our chat had ended there and i almost passed out afterwards haha

then we all had to leave the venue again before the concert started. i met a lot of really cool people that day so some of us went across the street to dunkin. had fun lmao

the concert started and my GOD minkyun's mic was on!!!!! and how does he always have so much energy??? also i had the lightstick and was having the time of my life screaming along lol they were fantastic incredible showstopping etc etc i tried to take some videos but i was just vibing (and shaking) too much i had to give up. but it was so nice to finally go to a concert that i had the lightstick for

went into the concert with solid 3rd bias (etion) and came out of it 3rd bias as seungjun lol. theres a lot to talk about song-wise but ill save that for later. in short, i almost cried when they did bye my monster. and tmwl. and byubyu.

also elle i did record asteroid for you (not that its a good video, or one that ill share...) but it did remind me of you lol! they did difficult & moscow moscow which were both surprises to me but very welcome. all day as well was fantastic!

about halfway thru the concert (but not the ballad section) i had given up on videos so i was just rocking out w the lightstick & i pretended to hit hyojins high note with the lightstick as a microphone until someone that i met nudged me & looked up to see seungjun staring at me

it was sooo funny the facial expression he was making. i cant even describe it but once we made eye contact it was like he smiled slowly literally like the grinch and went 'hehe' to make sure i knew he saw me doing that LOL

so i knew i had to get a snapshot with him that showcased the lightstick:

theres so much more about the concert but its all mainly about the songs & the fact i finally saw them live. but i do need to mention the fact goosebumps was practically a rave lmao loved it

after the concert was the group photo selfie which was really cool but would be better if my phones camera wasnt absolute shit & they did a more flattering angle...

dont let this photo fool you, they are short kings (im as tall or taller than multiple of them, minkyun & wyatt are the only ones i remember being taller than me. wyatt was surprising)

i didnt really say anything memorable during snapshots bc i was just so star-struck, but i do remember wyatt going out of his way to be nice lol also i saw yuto multiple times & i was sooo mad there was only a few of us that bought premium snapshot for him. i also got along well with minkyun and highfived him again. i let most of the members choose their poses. yes i got multiple mks. yes i made him do cat ears.

and here are all the others. i got at least 1 type of snapshot with each of the members

anyway tl;dr best day of my life, its only downhill from here! unless they announce another tour... we shall see... im so glad they're getting so much love from fuse, i know we (both onf and fuses) have been waiting for a long time

im also very happy that there really is no reason NOT to have overseas tours... we've already beat the 7 year curse & completed military. the world is onf's oyster and i cant wait to see what they do going forward <3

[anqelfries]

OKAY ITS DUE TIME FOR ME TO SEND U A YAP ASK ‼️‼️😋 LINA SUGARPLUM MUFFIN LOLLIPOP HONEYPIE (by jawny???) HOW ARE YOU DARLING HOW WAS YOUR DAY GIVE ME THE RUNDOWN ‼️

so like im gonna yap about my week CAUSE IT FELT LONG AS HELL I PHYSICALLY TWEAKED OUT JUST REFLECTING BACK ON ALL OF IT‼️‼️

so as u know i was ill last week (was that even last week I CANT REMEMBER BUT IT WAS RECENTLY) and i was coughing up a storm at school on monday and tuesday IT WAS HELL ITSELF I SWEAR.

SO I HAD LIKE,, 7 TESTS? THIS WEEK? I THINK? a ton!! like wdym im getting a test thats not writing in journalism class? WHY ARE WE HAVING A HISTORY TEST IN THIS CLASS THATS SO WEIRD TO ME??? anyway... that and a spanish test and two math tests and two tests in my ap class and an english comprehension test i was not thriving this week

AND BY THE WAY, THE TESTS IN MY AP CLASS WERE LITERALLY RETAKES BECAUSE I WAS GONE REVIEW DAY CAUSE I WAS SICK AND HAD TO TAKE THE TESTS WITHOUT STUDYING AT ALL. THE TEACHER WAS LATE TO CLASS THAT DAY SO IT TOOK ME LIKE THREE ADVISORY PERIODS TO FINISH THE STUPID TESTS 💔💔

erm anyways all of that happened AND IM NOW THRIVING I FINISHED ALL MAJOR WORK AND MY GRADES ARE LOOKING UP SO YIPPEE!!! 

yesterday i went to the school football game with my friends!! our team kinda demolished the visiting team dude 😭😭 IT WAS LIKE?? 68-0???? LIKE DAMN OKAY LET THEM GET UP BROTHERS 😭

ALSO AT THE GAME THERE WAS A KISS CAM AND MY FRIENDS ENDED UP ON IT WE WERE ALL SCREAMING SOOOO MUCH 😨 IT WAS WILD LINA!!! BUT THE GAME WAS A TON OF FUN AND WE ALL HAD FUN SCREAMING AT THE TOP OF OUR LUNGS AND DOING RANDOM STUFF IN THE STANDS!!

SO THERES MY YAP! TELL ME ABOUT YOUR DAY AND WHATS BEEN GOING ON W U POOKIE 😋 HRU HOWS LIFE WHAT ARE WE DOING TOMORROW

HONEYPIE BY JAWNY !!!!! erm big yap under cut methinks..

HELLO HELLO MY DEAR SWEET LITTLE BIRTHDAY CAKE CARDBOARD BOX CARAMELIZED SUGAR STICK !!! iM DOING LIKE.. OKAY I THINK. SUPER TIRED OMW HOME FROM SCHOOL i slept 1.5hrs last night..

my freaky english teacher likes me. a h a h a anyways ive been getting into art moar >:3 again so i spent like half the time drawing and stuff help .. not when i needed to concentrate tho !!! i drew a fish person ish i will show u later. apparently everyone flunked the maths test so like i may end up on the news tho... my last three assessments were all straight A's but the highest grade in the entire class in this one is a B and idk man i might Die. also i think i did well in english bc.. the teacher seems satisfied w me.. SCHOOL IS CLOSED TMR SO I WILL LOCK IN AND WRITE MY SILLY SMAU METHINKS

my friend who i sat beside today let me draw my fish on her bandaid :33 she calls me fish too and i call her cat it's a long story basically but in eighth grade like.. back in 2022 we exchanged discords and my nickname was fishie and hers was neko so like .. fish and cat. oh and once a physics teacher referred to me as fish too help

im super eepy rn help.. started raining in the morning n i got hopeful that school would be cancelled but NO bc the universe HATES me

im going to change & pass out now i think highkey.

OK NOW !!! UR THINGS LETS SEE omg yes this week was so fkn long ewwww

IM SO SORRY AB UR STUPID TESTS <//)3 I HAD THREE ON SUNDAY ALONE LAST WEEK IT WAS SO BAD I FAKED BEING SICK ON TUESDAY (?) KIND OF.. LIKE I FELT BAD BUT NOT BAD ENOUGH TO NOT GO TO SCHOOL

IM GLAD UR GRADES ARE LOOKING UP !!! IF U LISTEN CLOSELY IM ACTUALLY CHEERING SO LOUD FOR U RN 😹

football game is insane (never seen one) 68 - ZERO ??? IS THE HOME TEAM THAT GOOD OR IS THE OTHER ONE JUST BAD PLS... ALSO LIKE WHAT !!!! kiss cam sounds like sm fun !!!!

okay pause to say that this ask is literally makign me so happy rn idk bro but im kicking feet i feel all warm n fluttery inside

OK BACK ON TOPIC im so glad u had fun <333 that experience seems so amazing like omg !!! ik youll remember it for a WHILE i long to experience that kind of fun again omg

OKAY ANYWAYS MY DAY RIGHT !!! i cancelled on my maths teacher + postponed his class to tmr bc i want to sleep and grind genshin and watch a movie or 2 !!! im thinking everything everywhere all at once ive wanted to watch it forever but never really had the independence to do so like i do now !!!! my big toe hurts for some reason idk :/// AND IVE BEEN HAVING SUCH BAD NAGI BRAINROT RECENTLY OMHHHH LIKE MY MAN.. MY MAN..... SAVE ME NAGI SEISHIRO SAVE ME..........

aaaaa where was i !!! oh yesyes so i was thinking moot tags right ... bc i need smth cute for u.... bc ur so cute....

UM YES THATS ALL FOR TODAY I HOPE UR SLEEPING WELL & DM ME WHEN U SEE THIS !!! not for any specific reason just say hi bc imy (we literally talked a few hrs ago) ily sav !!!! PS CONGRATS ON MAKING THE MAGAZINE TEAM IM SO PROUD OF U !!!!