#but im scheduling courses for next year soon and it looks like theyre going to be at the same times

[and-learn-to-let-go]

head hurts i dislike wednesdays

[sashannarcy]

um ummm sasha and anne and marcy visiting each other at college [post The Breakup] and theyre like kinda awkward but trying to push through it while ALSO not wanting marcy to realize that they are awkward bc marcy was looking forward to them finally meeting up again soo much and hteyre just like. [accidentally brushes hands] [freeze] [blushes] [so many blushes] [awkward staring] [starts talking then trails off halfway through] [oh they probably think im being so weird] [im being so weird] [this is horrible] [oh god i still love [anne/sasha] dont i] [oh god]

wow that's so cool. watch this

"did I tell you guys I'm planning a webcomic?"

"what?" Anne gasps. "you're serious? isn't that a lot of work?"

"that's pretty cool, Mars," Sasha says, grinning and leaning back in his chair. "how far along are you with it?"

Marcy giggles. "sure is a lot of work! it's kinda killing me, actually," they admit, fiddling with the ends of their hair. "and I'm... probably about halfway through outlining it? maybe? the plot is dense."

Sasha hums and sips at his drink. "props to you, though. wanna tell us what it's about?"

instantly, Marcy's face lights up. "would I? oh my god, I don't even know where to start... okay, so it's like, a mix of the Creatures and Caverns campaign- which is going great, by the way, our next session is gonna be huge- and what happened to us in Amphibia, which I figured was too crazy not to write about..."

this is nice, Sasha thinks to themself as Marcy continues. the three of them are sitting at the Starbucks on Anne's college campus amidst the hustling of busy students. Anne had invited them both to catch up as soon as she'd learned Marcy would be in Los Angeles for the week. finals season was soon, but it wasn't often that Marcy managed to visit, so neither Anne nor Sasha minded taking the time out of their schedules.

Sasha had been more nervous about seeing Anne than any sort of final exam, anyway. they'd all graduated high school two years ago, but sophomore year felt like it had happened just yesterday. and with it...

"so, hold on," Anne interrupts. "you're having two of the main characters get together, just to break them up again? what's the point?"

Marcy's brows furrow together, and they lean forward over the table, tenting their hands. "it's about the angst, Anne. the devotion! they're gonna get back together later on- but not without years of pining. trust me, people eat this shit up. myself included."

Sasha's throat bobs. Anne squints. "alright," she concedes. "I mean- well, never mind."

Marcy tilts their head. "what is it? bad trope?"

Anne shakes her head, smiling. "no, not at all. um-"

Sasha doesn't realize his eyes are on Anne's face until it's too late. Anne's gaze flits over to him- they make eye contact for all of a microsecond. it feels more like a decade. warm brown meets mismatched mahogany and cyan, and everything buried beneath days and weeks and months and lifetimes of misunderstandings and rushed emotions surfaces in a heartbeat. he's sixteen all over again; he's hoping all over again, because he’ll never be able to let Anne go, not fully. Sasha's insides are molten- what's a glance like this supposed to mean while their friend is talking about true love and yearning?

externally, the situation is a little more embarrassing: her cheeks flush a faint pink, and a squeak escapes her that's thankfully muffled by the sounds of the people around them. and then Anne looks back at Marcy, making Sasha's chest feel like it's been suddenly decompressed.

"well, how are you gonna fit years of time into it?" Anne saves herself. she reaches a hand up to scratch the back of her neck. nervous tell, Sasha's mind provides. looks like you're not so sly after all. "won't it be really long?"

Marcy blinks. "no, I'll just do a time-skip. with scattered in flashbacks, of course."

"right. okay, carry on," Anne replies, waving a hand.

Sasha exhales slowly. it'd been awkward between her and Anne all day, full of fleeting glances and accidental brushing of hands in between their regular back-and-forth. they'd been trying to keep it together for Marcy's sake- luckily, Marcy seemed oblivious to the tension between them.

Marcy pauses. "I could carry on," they muse. "but- Anne, that's not what you were gonna say originally, was it?"

spoke too soon.

Anne's face pales minutely. "er- I dunno what you mean."

"hm. well, that's okay," Marcy says. there's a wicked glint in their eye. "by the way, you do know some parts of this are based off of true events? I did mention that, yeah?"

"yes, you did," Sasha finally chips in, voice all but strangled.

Marcy grins. "I just think it'd be funny- I mean, let me rephrase-"

"Marcy," Anne warns, and now her face is red.

"oh, come on, guys," Marcy protests, finally breaking. "don't act like I haven't noticed... whatever is going on between you two!" they sigh dramatically. "I mean, for the love of- are you guys seeing anyone? each other, maybe?"

Sasha chokes on his drink. Anne drops her head into her hands with an audible thud.

"no," Anne mumbles, muffled. Sasha is hacking up a lung; Anne removes one of her hands from her face to thump Sasha's back a few times.

"thanks," Sasha splutters. "wow. uh-" they cough again. "no, we're not- no."

Marcy rolls their eyes. "you should." they stand up abruptly, and Sasha's heart kicks into overtime. "alright, here, I'm going to the bathroom. figure it out before I'm back."

"wh- Marcy!"

"for the trope, you two!" they shout back at the table, already halfway across the room. "for the trope!"

"good lord," Sasha groans, sliding down in his chair.

"so much for a normal catching up," Anne grumbles.

"cheers." Sasha takes a long sip of her drink, staring hard at the table's surface.

Anne exhales. "no, I shouldn't say that. it's been fun. it's just- the-" Sasha looks up to see Anne gesturing between the two of them. "whatever."

"hey," Sasha quips in mock offense. "we can be normal."

Anne snorts. "yeah, sure."

there's silence for a few long moments.

"you think they're spying on us?" Sasha finally whispers.

"probably," Anne snickers. her voice is a little shaky, but it's bright; it's happy. she stirs her drink idly. "you know, we did promise them we'd listen to them more often."

"we did."

"...so."

Sasha meets Anne's gaze, gentle. "so."

"we should probably do that, right?" the question is shy.

Sasha huffs out a laugh under his breath. "depends." his hands are visibly trembling. "you have something you wanna get off your chest, Boonchuy?"

Anne smiles, eyes twinkling.

[snoewolf]

Im not good at blogging.

I always assume its not worth posting and just dont do it.

Ive been pretty depressed lately. Bae has been amazing and trying to help me through it.. but sometimes.. theres nothing even he can do to make me feel better.

My birthday came and went, its always hard for me the week of my birthday ever since my exhusband served me divorce and child custody papers on said birthday. Its been a couple years, and nothing bad has happened since then.. but it still haunts me.. like im waiting on the next shoe to drop or something.

I keep catching myself treating Bae really bad even when he doesnt do anything to deserve it. He is amazing to me, and does everything for me literally treating me like a Queen. He loves my children like his own and actually interacts with them.. what more could i ask for? But when i get into these depths.. i feel myself treating him unfairly based on what happened to me in my previous relationship. He handles it well, but i know hes just as tired of it as I am.

Still no further on getting my child support from my ex.. which really sucks. I ended up having to drop out of school. They offered for me to go back in a few months.. but theres no way im going to be able to afford it. Im already working double to try to make up for how behind on my bills its made me since i started the program. This saddens me, but im trying to think of it positively.. i wasnt really happy once i was in the program and saw how hospital employees are treated... and treat each other.

My current job is amazing and works with my schedule when possible and i am so thankful for the opportunity. But. It doesnt pay very well for the amount of time im away from my kids to do said work. (How does america expect a single parent to live on $9/hr without any kind of help?!) I cant even afford rent, let along car/phone/electricity/gas/ whatever else comes with renting. My credit isnt good enough to buy anything not to mention wouldnt be approved simply for how many cobwebs are in my bank account.

SO ive been looking for a second job, or a better paying job. I found a second job that pays better.. and offers health insurance! Ive been looking for months and finally got a call for an interview. It happened to be on my day off. How great is that?! So of course i went, theyre paying amazingly! I got there and along with 4 other people, they start showing us around. I thought that was weird.. ive had interviews with this company before and never was shown around the whole place.. but i just accepted it because ive never had an interview with this specific location. We go to the back and im ready for the interview! They start handing us company vests and work tools... im a little confused until they had out schedules. I got the job! Wait... this isnt an interview.. this is orientation! Oh snap! What am i suppose to tell my current job?! Luckily my current job hadnt put out the next weeks schedule yet so i was able to alert my manager as soon as i got out of the building.

Unfortunately, she was not happy. Granted, had it been up to me.. i would have much rathered given a heafty warning.. i dont like to leave any job on bad terms (and so far havent 🤞🏻) so i let my manager know im being trained for this second job for the next two weeks and i cant mess with those days but it doesnt effect my current job at all this week.. which is all i have a schedule for.. she doesnt think she should have to work around another jobs schedule when i worked here first.. i agree.. but.. in my shoes.. this other job is a better opportunity for -me-, for -my- bills for -my- family. So she told me she fixed it for the next two weeks but wasnt happy about it.

Sooooo.

Im now working the next 14 days straight and even at two jobs in the same day.. 🤦🏻‍♀️ im gonna hate myself for sure. But! My daughters birthday is next week and i need to buy her more than the only gift i currently have for her. And Christmas is right around the corner! I need to catch up my car payment and keep my phone bill current and not late... not to mention gymnastics/dance/and boyscouts that i dont want to take away from my kids because its not their fault im poor.

So luckily today hasnt been too awkward at my job but i did tell Bae that depending on how petty they decide to be over the next two weeks depends on if i keep 2 jobs or focus solely on the new one that pays so much better. So. We'll see. Id like to have both at least until Christmas so i can get some presents under my tree.

I guess thats as good of an update as i got currently. Whoopwhoop.

[sincerelymarinette]

A Recorded Life Sequel (2/10) - Miraculous Ladybug

Words 1479 Chapter Summary: School is back into the schedule and everyone is busy. Marinette uses a school project as an easy way to get a video done and Alya pops by. Author's Note: I'm back! I'm so sorry for going MIA the past few weeks but school has been kicking my butt with projects. School comes first, tho! Hoping to get back into regular updates but my semester is about halfway over and teachers are picking things up. Keep an eye on tumblr/wattpad if things get postponed! Also the ending sounds ominous but trust me it isn't, I just wanted a good way to wrap things up.

Prev / Next / Masterlist

Life Updates

---

A few months into the school year

Adrien was still living with Marinette and her family. Though now he would have the mansion all to himself, he didn't want to be there. It was filled with harsh memories, and he couldn't even think about looking at the pictures of his father. Instead, he let Gorilla live there, rent-free and happy. He still accompanied Adrien when he went to Agreste Fashion, but he also knew Adrien could take care of himself.

But he couldn't leave Adrien alone after losing his mother, father, and closest thing to another parental figure. Gorilla was still there for him, picking Adrien up in the morning to get him to school, picking him up from school, and taking him wherever he needs, whether it be the offices or back to the bakery.

Marinette and her parents love having Adrien around. Tom and Sabine knew how hard it is for him, and letting him stay with them brought some normalcy into his life. Plus, he really enjoyed learning how to cook with them and even helping out in the bakery when it gets busy. They loved walking out into the living room to see the kids watching movies or playing video games, and waking up in the morning to find they fell asleep in the middle of their TV binge-watching time, all cuddled together.

Though it was more of an adjustment, Tom and Sabine also loved the Kwamis. Tikki is very sweet, and they love having Plagg taste test new ideas. Since Ladybug and Chat Noir aren't needed as much anymore, they're more like pets, but that doesn't change the love everyone has for them. Now with Marinette as the guardian of Paris' Miraculous, every so often, she lets them all come out to get a breath of fresh air. Being stuck in a box has got to be boring, and it's a lot of fun to see all the Kwami's interact.

Adrien loved the freedom of university and getting to study business. It was a lot to take on, but he was really excited to take Agreste Fashion in a better direction once he learned more and more. He may not be officially running it right now, and the COO is acting as CEO; he does get a lot of say in the way things go. When he first started, he immediately stripped Agreste Fashion of his father's name, and Gabriel is nowhere to be found; he will not let his father's bad choices run this business any longer.

While Adrien was having a great time with school, Marinette was stressing. Of course, she loved everything she was doing in her classes. She was finally able to take her designs to the next level and learn more than she could teach herself. Adrien already promised her a job at Agreste Fashion, but she's determined to earn her place and work her way up by herself.

Marinette had a busy week with a big project due. Since she's been distancing herself from videos (still posting at least weekly!), she figured to take advantage of the situation. Marinette had her camera set up to shoot the mannequin she was working on, and another camera pointed at her desk to get different shots for what part she was focusing on. She wouldn't post the video until after she got her grade back, but it never hurts to shoot something in advance.

As Marinette was carefully pinning a piece of fabric, she jumped at the sound of the trap door opening. "Ah!" She shouted when she poked herself. "Oh, Alya," She calmed down. "You scared me."

"I can see," She giggled. "I came to check up on you and bring you a smoothie," She offered her gift with a big smile. "And I wanted to see your work!"

Marinette gladly took the drink and nodded. "Thanks, nowhere near done yet. I'm recording the process for a video."

Alya gasped, acting offended. "And you're doing that without me, your camera operator?"

"You've been busy, too; I didn't want to stop you!" Marinette reasoned.

"Good point, but I'm going to sit here and help," She sat and sat on the chaise against the wall. Pulling out her laptop, Alya smiled. "I brought work with me. We can both work loving the company of each other," She said.

Marinette smirked as she got back to work. "Missing Nino?"

"Like you'd never imagine," Alya groaned back. "We talk all the time, but it's not the same. How's Adrien?"

"Honestly, better than I expected. He spends a decent amount of time at Agreste Fashion, but is always back in time for dinner. Speaking of, you want to stay?" Marinette offered, and Alya nodded in response. She yelled down to her mom to ask if it was okay, which Sabine said absolutely.

Alya started typing away at her computer to work on a paper while still making conversation with Marinette. "How are you all adjusting? I know Nino, Chloé, and I have gotten over most of it, but I'm sure it's different for you guys."

"Oh, you know, we're still working through it. Adrien sees a therapist, as expected, and it helps.  I think it just takes time, and school is definitely helping as a distraction. I can't imagine what will happen if Nathalie tries to contact him, but last we heard, she moved to the States when she was released. They made a compromise that she'd finish out community service there, especially since Gorilla said it would be more damaging to Adrien to have her still in Paris," Marinette rambled. "But other than that, good!" Marinette sighed, glad that she would be narrating the video in the editing phase.

Alya nodded. "I'm still shocked that he was a witness in court," She said. "But I'm glad he was. Though I don't believe her 'I was forced to!' defense, at least she won't be near us," Alya said. "It's a shame; she seemed nice. Well, before we found out."

Marinette shook her head with a slight laugh. "She scared me from the beginning. But so did Gabriel," Marinette reflected. They went back to work, having a few remarks here and there, and soon enough, they were called down for dinner. "Oh, Adrien, hey!" Marinette smiled when she got downstairs to see that Adrien was home, and had been, as he helped with dinner.

"Sorry I snuck in," He chuckled and kissed her cheek. "Hey, Alya, how are things?"

---

ahhhh i love Marinette's designs so much thEYRE BEAUTIFUL

when is this going to be in stores?? i need it like yesterday

I wonder when Adrien will give her a job at agreste fashion. we all know he wants to. but w h e n. I need my fashion power couple to take over the world

I loved Alya just chilling in the back, that's friendship. working independently but together (also is anyone else trying to figure out what they were talking about??) >Marinette Design's Reply Oh trust me it's nothing interesting. Just getting caught back up about school and life!

I'm so happy when you upload! Thanks Mari, hope you all are doing well.

I HEAR A NINO TRACK IN THE BACKGROUND IM SEEING HIM WITH JAGGED IN A FEW WEEKS AHHHHHH

one day we'll get a vlog from Marinette preparing for her first big time fashion show. With Adrien as a model. Manifesting it.

Marinette snickered as she read through the comments from her most recent video, and even replied to a few. She was waiting for Adrien to finish getting ready so they could head out for their date, and she was highly entertained by the comments. Only a few more minutes passed before Adrien came from the bathroom in a green sweater with a big smile on his face. "Ready to go, Milady?" He asked and held his arm out for her to take.

Marinette nodded and linked their arms. She was wearing a casual dress with leggings, looking nice but not being overdressed. They were excited to have a nice dinner together and act like a normal couple, which they never really had. They left the Kwamis at home and were ready to enjoy the evening, ready for a night for just them. Gorilla picked them up and drove them to the restaurant, and they only had two rules for tonight: No discussing past superhero adventures, and stay off the phones so they can enjoy each other's company.

The rules were easy to follow, as all they wanted to do was sit, talk, and eat. Maybe their lives would go back to normal faster than they thought. They were happy and excited for the future, and both were happy to talk about anything else than the trauma they have suffered.

Marinette, however, did miss running around on rooftops with her cat.

---

@lady-of-the-roses-and-lilies @bookishserendipity03 @avatheexceed @gkz10 @coccinellegirl @kat-thatoneweirdo @strawberryblondish @snow-swordswoman @lilgaga98 @evufries  @toodaloo-kangaroo 

[angrylizardjacket]

and then there was light [4] {Roger Taylor}

A/N: 5060 words. part 4? part 4. it’s a bit of a darker one and before you ask, there will be a part 5, you know i wouldn’t end it on a cliffhanger and do you dirty like that.

[part 1] [part 2] [part 3]

The moment Roger steps foot into the meeting about the design of the shows for the upcoming American legs of the ‘Night at the Opera’ world tour, he’s pretty sure he’s already mentally checked out. Freddie’s doing all the talking, to literally no-one’s surprise; the man has big ambitions for his own costumes, and knows the other guys will pipe up about their own needs when they get to meet with just the costume designer. John Reid brings up the technical requirements, Roger’s got the ‘galileo’s from Bohemian Rhapsody playing on repeat in his head as he stares into the middle distance, and it’s Deaky who sits forward.

“We’ve got a pretty solid idea for the lights; Freddie and I have been consulting with a designer in America; she’s freelance, used to work for EMI, she’s reliable.” He assures, and Roger’s thinking ‘hey that sounds familiar’ but Reid seems satisfied and they’re already moving on to the staging and sound equipment needed. 

Roger doesn’t connect the dots at first; it’s been almost four years since that fateful American tour, and they’ve had other tours come and go since, and as far as the others are concerned, they’re pretty sure he hasn’t spared you a thought since arriving home at the end of that tour. But he does, even if he doesn’t mean to.

The tour after you’d quit working for EMI, someone drops a parcan side of stage, and his heart is in his throat when he realises he was waiting to hear you yell ‘okay that one wasn’t my fault’ or something similar. All he hears is a faint apology, and a call from someone to get a broom. The scheduling’s different this time around, he can’t even have a cigarette in an empty theatre without some stagehand buzzing back and forth, or a band member trotting across the stage as they practice. It would be so much easier to lay on the stage if the rest of them were confined to one place while they played, like he was behind the drums. It’d be boring as shit, he would be the first to acknowledge that, but it would mean he would get stepped on less during lunch, and that’s a sacrifice he’s willing to make with the toe of Freddie’s shoe poking at his waist.

Nothing serious had come his way in that time, or rather, he’d never found anyone who could hold his attention for more than a week or two. People became dreadfully boring when all they wanted to do was faun over him and fuck him; not that it wasn’t fun at first, it was always fun at first, but there was a lack of variety, a sinking sensation that these people were more attracted to the idea of him that left a sour aftertaste.

But now he’s here, new company, new album, second leg of the new tour, new chance to sample all different women across this great nation. He’s already a little tipsy from his multiple jack and coke’s on the plane when they land, and he’s passed out on the tour bus before it even gets to the first tour stop. Once in Conneticut, he’s dragged from the bus, and informed that as soon as the tech crew had finished their meeting, they could start loading in their instruments. 

“How long have they been here?” Brian asks the stage hand, and the guy shrugs. 

“A couple of hours; the Floor Tech wanted the drum risers set up before she gave the brief.” He tells them as he lead the band in to the theatre, where most of the crew were milling about on stage. 

“She always did have a flare for the dramatic.” John says with a grin where his eyes were trained on the stage, and Freddie hums in agreement, which only serves to confuse Roger further until he sees an all too familiar figure climbing the drum risers with a clipboard in hand.

“Alright guys, can I have your attention, please?” Even after all these years, the sound of your voice hits Roger square in the chest. “I wanna make this as quick and painless as possible, so after today we can bump in and bump out without any hassles.” You addressed the crowd with an easy confidence from your place at the top of the drum risers, tapping your nails against the back of the clipboard in your hands, wearing the overalls he’d seen you in so many times before.

“You can call me Spotlight; I’m the Head Floor Tech for the tour, as well as lighting designer; those of you on my lighting team, you’ve got a copy of the lighting plan, and I’ll be talking to you about how we’re gonna run it after this. Next time, I’ll get some help from the stage hands to set up the drum risers, I had a few people help me today to get them set up early, but that’s just because I like being tall.” With a sharp grin you pause as a titter of laughter spreads around the group, “stage management team, you’re in charge of making sure side of stage is set up with anything the band needs, and that it’s clear of unnecessary clutter and people, and running cabling for the sound guys; they’ll tell you what they need.”

After a beat, you look around the gathered crowd, and nod firmly, a gesture which a few of them return.

“If you have any questions, remember; find your Light.” You point directly at yourself. “We break for lunch at one, but until then we’ve got a lot to get through; let’s get rockin’.” Grinning brightly, you hop down from the risers into the crowd of crew members, ushering a bunch, each holding a sheet of paper, off to the side, as the others scattered like cockroaches under light.

“What the fuck is she doing here?” Roger finally finds his voice where he’s still standing, a little dumbstruck, alone in the aisle of the theatre where the others had left him behind.

“Didn’t you hear her speech? Spotlight’s our lighting designer.” Freddie calls over his shoulder, eyes wide and innocent, as if he hadn’t set this all up without thinking to mention it to Roger.

“Our what now?” He splutters, jogging a little to catch up to the other band members as they made their way towards the stage. He’s not quite sure what he’s doing, or what will happen when he gets their; the last thing you’d said to him was that you were stupid to think he was above his reputation, while you were in tears, and then it had been three years of nothing. He’s not going to run, at least he’s pretty sure he’s not; he’s self aware enough to know he was in the wrong last time you spoke, that he was an asshole, but he’s not going to be a coward. Not again.

“That was quite the speech.” John waits patiently until the crew who made up the lighting team had dispersed before addressing the familiar face at the centre. You turn, eyes bright and smile brighter, casually making your way towards him and the rest of the band.

“Yeah, I really feel in my element, you know?” It’s with an easy familiarity that you pull John into a hug, giving him a firm squeeze. “Good to finally see you again.” And then you’re hugging Freddie, and then Brian, and you stop short in front of Roger. It’s a stalemate, neither one wanting to be the first to look away, but both unsure of what to do. In the end, you don’t even offer him a handshake, just nod, and you turn back to the others.

“How’s Pippin been?” Freddie asks, and you’re about to answer, but Roger cuts in.

“Hang on, can someone fill me in here? Lovely to see you, by the way, just a little confused as to how you got here.” He says, and you’re lost for words, just blinking rapidly, trying to process the whole situation.

“Did you not tell him I was working with you guys?” Your words come out incredulous as you turn your gaze upon John and Freddie, who seem just as bewildered as you.

“I thought he’d cotton on when I mentioned an American designer who used to work for EMI.” John mused, turning his gaze on Roger, who frowned, thinking back to the initial meeting he’d just mentioned.

“I did,” Brian piped up, before casting a smile at John and Freddie that was just a little bit confused, “though I wasn’t a part of this little setup.” He tried to reassure the drummer.

“In my defense,” Roger started, before his gaze dropped, “I wasn’t paying attention, design isn’t exactly my forte.” He admitted, and you had to shake your head at that, exasperated and already a exhausted.

“Pippin’s good.” You go back to John’s initial question. Pippin isn’t so much a person as it is a touring version of a Broadway musical that had opened a year ago, to great success.

It turns out a written letter of recommendation from both the lead singer, and bass player of Queen goes rather far in the industry. After taking some time for yourself, you call up EMI to beg them not to fire you, however it turns out you needn’t have; both John and Freddie had given glowing reports of your work ethic and skill, and the man on the other end of the line is just eager to know when you were next available. 

The moment you’re on site next, they tell you you’ve been promoted to Floor Tech; they hand you a roll of gaff tape and a drill and a whole new set of responsibilities, heaped onto your usual load. You don’t even remember who had been performing, the tour had only lasted a month, all you know is that they were calling you Spotlight from the moment you’d arrived; apparently it was what Freddie had called you, and John had to clarify.

John is the first to contact you again, through EMI of course, and he becomes something of a comfort when you consider taking your career beyond the company that kept you firmly in the one position on tour. Freddie calls you less often, and never about business; it’s John who gives you the courage to leave EMI, and he’s the one who helps set up as a freelance theatre and event crew member. 

People had been head hunting you from tour to tour, beyond even EMI, some smaller acts even giving you the full Lighting Designer role. They expect you to sit back, let a stage hand or an assistant to take care of it, but every time you watch someone else focus a spot, your fingers itch to be doing it yourself. Dedicated to a fault, Roger had once called you, you think about it every time you climb an unsteady ladder, and think perhaps that he’s right.

The moment Pippin announces it’s tour, and puts out calls for crew, you’re first in line for the job, putting your hat in the ring for lighting, but happy enough to take any crew role. Not that you don’t love working with bands, but there’s a certain finesse that comes with theatre lighting that you can’t get anywhere else in the world. After two years, and the support of both John and Freddie, you find yourself as the assistant Lighting Designer, as well as Head Floor Tech, and once you step foot onto the tour bus, everything else becomes history.

Speaking of history, later in the day, after the rest of the crew have broken for lunch, you’re wedged under the drum risers, running some cables, when you hear someone climb up them, taking a seat at the drums.

“If you play one beat-” You’re cut off by Roger’s yell of surprise, as he’s so startled he almost falls off his chair.

“Holy shit, who is that?” He’s breathing heavily, voice panicked, and for a moment you take pleasure imagining clutching his hand to his chest like a delicate, little grandmother.

“Take a wild stab in the dark,” you mutter, unwedging yourself from beneath the structure, raising an eyebrow as you look at him. Almost immediately he’s frowning, and you’re thrown back to the moment almost three years ago where you’d been here before, looking up at him from behind the drum risers after you’d changed out the light mid-show. Clearing your throat loudly, you break the moment, getting to your feet and making your way to the side of the stage.

“What are you doing here?” He calls, watching idly as you go about counting out fly lines until you get to the one you’d been looking for. You’d gotten here early to go through the fly-line procedure with the Duty Tech for the venue, and now you lowered the LX bar it was attached to with ease after making sure there was no-one in the way. Your focus made something in his chest tighten, and he feels like he’s being taken back in time; you’re beautiful when you work, passionate and skilled, meticulous, that hadn’t changed. Roger has to look away.

“My job,” and you just sound tired when you say it, already securing the meticulously placed lights onto the bar you’d just lowered, going along and fixing them to the metal in a neat line. An uncomfortable silence spreads between you, punctuated only by the scrape of metal against metal, and the rattle of the safety chains.

“What are you doing here?” You don’t even try to hide the snippiness from your voice, not even turning to look at his as the accusatory words hang in the air.

“I’m having a smoke in what I thought was going to be relative peace, it’s something I do, okay?” Voice defensive, you hear the rustle of cardboard and hear the click of a cigarette, your annoyance growing with each passing moment.

“No, it’s what I do. It’s what I did three years ago, you just started showing up. You stole my relative peace.” You snapped, turning to him, a blazing fury in your eyes at his words, before your lip curled in disgust, “And you don’t even do anything with it.” You scoffed, and he went quiet, sulking behind his drum kit. Sensing he wasn’t got to talk back you turn back to your work.

The moment you turn away, he sees the way you heave a sigh, angry tension draining from your shoulders, a little hunched as you concentrated. Your hands shake a little as you fiddle with the safety chains. There’s still that confidence there, the ease with which you moved about the stage, but unlike around other people, when it was just Roger - though he suspected you were pretending he wasn’t there - you just looked... weary.

After that first town, he keeps his distance for a few stops, though the other band members look to keep you company on occasion. But then... he’s there again. Quiet this time, he just watches where you hold yourself like royalty at the top of a rickety ladder, so sure of yourself. He’d forgotten the sight of you in your element, and it hits him like a truck.

“Take a picture, it’ll last longer.” You snap when you chance a glance down and see his awestruck expression looking up at you. The shock comes when he actually looks abashed, averting his gaze, picking up his drumsticks and tapping out a rhythm that you’re pretty sure you recognise.

You’re both too stubborn to give the other one the peace of the theatre at lunch, however, while you’re content with stewing in silence as you worked, Roger, to no-one’s surprise, is not.

“How’ve you been?” He brings himself to ask. You stop where you’re replacing a gel on one of the drum riser lights, taking a long moment to consider your words carefully.

“Busy.” Tired. The subtext comes through loud and clear, despite your short answer, and once you’d finished with the light, you stand, before taking a moment to stretch your back out from behind hunched over.

“Working a lot?” I can tell. He answers after a long pause, almost sympathetic, and you know he’s not really responding to the words you’d said out loud.

“Yeah, non stop.” No subtext, just responding at face value, before your eyes up to the mostly finished rig. Afternoons were for last minute fixes and focusing, there wasn’t much left you could do, unless you were willing to ask for Roger’s help.

“When did your last thing end?” He asks, and you click your tongue as you turn on your heel, burned out gel in your hand, heading for a bin.

“Two days before this one.” You admitted. When you’re met with silence, you turn, and Roger’s frowning at you, almost disbelieving.

“You’re not still sleeping on the tour bus, are you?” He asks, and you roll your eyes before you tell him your accommodation is paid for this time around. You’re the first to leave, for the first time since everything had started, you leave halfway through to actually eat lunch, leaving Roger to himself.

When he’s drunk after the show, leaning against some local pub, with a girl leaning against him, heavy enough that the two of them would have tipped over if it wasn’t for the counter, he can’t get you out of his mind.

“I didn’t ruin her career.” His eyes go wide as the words, with something akin to revelation, escape him, and the girl makes a noise of confusion, her fingers ghosting over his chest, but he can’t even bring himself to enjoy it.

“I didn’t ruin her career!” He announces, excited and pleased in his inebriated state, sitting himself so forcefully on the arm of Freddie’s chair that he spills part of his drink. Freddie makes a noise of confusion, looking up at the blonde, and Roger gesticulates enough to spill more of his drink, ignoring Freddie’s yelp. “Spotlight! She said I’d ruined her career!” 

“When?” Freddie asks, just as John pops out from seemingly nowhere.

“Well you certainly didn’t help it. That was me.” Roger doesn’t care that John’s drunk, the way bassist says it, so serene and matter-of-fact, makes it sting just a little bit worse. His mood instantly flips.

“Can you piss off? Go be her best friend somewhere else.” Roger snapped, and he knew he’d regret being so sharp with John the following morning, but it seemed John himself knew that Roger was in a mood, and obligingly fucked off, seemingly not taking it to heart. “When we broke up, she accused me of ruining her career.” And he realises too late, when Freddie’s eyes go wide with realisation, that he’s said too much.

“Is this where you tell me exactly what went down between you two?” He asked, tapping Roger’s leg with excitement. The blonde, however, stood abruptly, glower on his face.

“No. Fuck off.” 

Roger spends almost fifteen minutes banging on the door of the tour bus before he remembers that you’re not in there, and falls into bed alone, fully clothed.

“The fuck did you say to Freddie last night?” The moment he steps foot onto the stage at lunch, you’re waiting for him, already livid. He’s tempted to turn and walk right back out the door. “Apparently he doesn’t know the real reason that I went home last ti- !” 

“Of course he doesn’t!” Roger snapped back, on the defensive without a moment’s hesitation. “It makes me look like a fucking wanker and he’d kick my ass; he adores you!” And that was enough to shock you into silence, grip loosening on the gaff tape in your hands. “They all do.” He said, and your expression turns unreadable.

“I know.” You finally said, a new, strange quality to your voice, it’s something akin to shock, but not quite, and Roger doesn’t know what to say next. “What about you?” You finally ask, voice a little defensive. It hurts to see you look at him with such a judgemental eye, though he’s well aware he deserves it.

“Doesn’t matter, does it? I could apologise a thousand times and you’d still be pissy.” He huffs, and you cross your arms, cocking your hip.

“At least once would be nice.” You level a cold glare at him and his gaze snaps back at yours, surprised. “You never once apologised, you know that?” And your voice is low, hurt and honest. “Are you even sorry for what happened?”

“It was three years ago-” He sighs, but you cut him off, shifting your weight to your other foot, swallowing thickly.

“So that’s a no. Glad to see where you stand.” And you turn to cross the stage to where you’ve already got the ladder set up, but he makes his way to you in three long strides, making to grab at your upper arm. The moment he does, however, you whirl around, slapping him, hard. “I told you to never fucking touch me; did you think I forgot?” And he sees why you were so eager to leave; there’s tears in your eyes, so close to breaking and streaming down your cheeks, your lip trembling. Something about your voice is so raw, it hurts worse than the slap.

“I am sorry.” And he sounds so fucking sincere, but you just glare at him, unashamed where the tears have begun to track down your cheeks. 

“You had your chance to say sorry; you had your chance to beg for forgiveness, but you told me I could leave; so I did, and so did your fucking opportunity.” But you can’t bring yourself to step back, frozen in place where he’s less than a foot away. Every fibre of your being is betraying you, wanting to be around him, close to him, after what he did.

“I’m sorry what happened between us;” his voice is so level, carefully controlled, you know he’s think hard about what he’s about to admit, “I fucked up, I know that; I’m sorry. It was three years ago but I’m still sorry. I’ve been sorry for a long time now.”

“Since it happened?” You asked, and he didn’t drop your gaze, answering without flinching or hesitation.

“Since I started worrying I’d lose you; I know what I’m like, I knew what I’d end up doing.” He admitted, and the words clearly didn’t have his intended impact as you stumble back, free hand clutching your chest.

“And yet you still-” And quietly, so quietly you’re not even sure he hears it, the words come out as more of a defeated whimper than anything else; “How could you not tell I was in love with you?” 

He’s in shock, and you barge past him, leaving as you can no longer contain your aching heart, and you head to the hotel you were staying at down the road, taking the rest of the lunch break to cry.

When you return, the rest of the crew has filtered in, Roger looks guilty, and Freddie and John look about ready to commit violent homicide, which was unsurprising for Freddie, but there was something comforting about Deaky wearing the expression too. In less than a week, the whole crew knows, and wherever you go, you feel yourself followed by pitying stares, which won’t go away, no matter how hard you throw yourself into your work.

“You’re working yourself into the ground.” Roger tells you a week later, watching the way your arms tremble as you focus a light, and it takes you a moment to blink blearily at him. “Don’t forget the security chain.” He adds, and you scowl, before looking at the light itself, and hurriedly affix the security chain to the rig. You insist that you’re fine, making your way down the ladder to scoop up another parcan, but you almost immediately drop it. 

“I just need some food.” You try to insist, your hands shaking as you leave the light where it is.

You don’t come out after shows, and it’s not gone unnoticed. The rest of the crew think you’re just dedicated, personable for the most part but prone to bouts of standoffishness.

“Oh you should have seen her on our first tour,” Freddie muses to an enraptured crowd at an afterparty, a few crew members listening with a bright-eyed attention, “that woman risked life and limb for our show.” And he sounds so proud when he says it, but something twists uncomfortably in Roger’s gut.

Cracks don’t show around other people, Roger’s noticed; you’re smile’s bright enough and your voice is loud enough that they don’t see the way your hands shake. Or how tired your eyes are. But then there are moments, you stand as if in the eye of the storm, gaff tape and drill in hand, watching as people follow your instructions without question, and you look up to see Roger tweaking his drums, and the two of you share a look. It’s a little indecipherable, he’s concerned and you’re just... tired. He wants to offer to help, but as soon as the moment arrives, it’s passed, and you’re off to the next task.

The air between the two of you has lost it’s angry tension; after saying your peace, after hearing his apology, there’s no fight left. Just a lingering disappointment, a quiet like the moment after a world-weary sigh. You don’t have to pretend around Roger, you both know he’d see through it if you’d tried.

“You should come get a drink after; you look like you need it.” Roger laughs, but there’s no humour in it. Without missing a beat, you decline, you don’t even bother coming up with an excuse. 

“I’m worried about you.” The tour is almost three weeks in, and you’re asleep against the proscenium arch when he walks in. You wake with a start at the sound of his voice, reaching out for the light you’d been fiddling with before you’d passed out. When you look to him with confusion, he repeats himself slowly. “I’m worried about you; are you sleeping okay?” 

“As if that’s any of your business.” You snapped back, and Roger kept quiet. It only takes him a day to figure out that sleep isn’t really a luxury you allowed yourself; you were the last out every night after bump out, sometimes staying until two in the morning, and from what the crew said, you were always the first up, running through check lists, accident reports, and going over anything that needed maintenance. 

When Freddie asks you to come out with them after a gig, you find it difficult to say no, he helped get you this job after all, but you’re there for barely half an hour before Roger sees you slip out the side door, drink untouched.

John asks if you’re okay one afternoon when you drop a stack of gel frames without warning, jumping almost a foot in the air and looking like you’re about to break into tears from shock, but seems content when you explain you’re just tired. Tired doesn’t even begin to cover how overworked you are.

The night you finally decide to relax a little, bump out having been miraculously fast, you’ve got the next day off. The others cheer you on as you down drink after drink, the alcohol hitting you hard and quickly, and the world gets blurry as you find yourself on the dance floor. It’s easy to drink too much, because for the first time in a long time, you’re relaxed, not worrying about the pretty, dickhead blonde who worries about you when he really shouldn’t. 

You’re drunk enough to admit to yourself that part of you likes the attention he’s giving you, it feels like vindication for the heartache you went through all those years ago. Part of it’s not even vindictive, part of you just likes the way he looks at you, the way his smile made your heart beat just a little faster; you call that part a fucking traitor and have another drink.

You don’t remember leaving the bar, but you come back to your body when you’re leaning against a streetlight for support, halfway through telling someone to fuck off.

“Ya’ not my caretaker, Roger,” you sneer, “you don’t need to look after me or whatever this is. Go help groupies home or to hotel or whatever.” You spit, and push off from the light, turning on your heel, almost topple over, and right yourself.

“Light, that’s the wrong way.” He calls, exasperated, and you turn again, this time actually crashing to the ground and grazing your hand on the way, before you get to your feet. He’s come over to try and help you, but you swat him away.

“You don’t get to call me that.” You stalk ahead of him in the direction he had come from, back toward the hotel, and he follows only a few steps behind.

“Fine, Y/N; you’re legless, let me help.” And after a moment of intense eye contact, in which you try to weigh up your options, you begrudgingly loop your arm through his.

“You’re still on my shit-list.” You inform him, and he hums in acknowledgement. “Why are you doing this?” You follow it up with.

“I’m not the asshole who fucked you over three years ago, and I’m not gonna let you get yourself killed for this show.” He said through gritted teeth, and you just smiled, a little dreamily.

“But what a way to go.” And he came to an abrupt stop. It took you a moment to realise, and looking back, you tugged on his arm to keep him moving. He just frowned at you, a little concerned. “Fuck, I didn’t mean it.”

“If I have to fire you to get you to take a break-” He threatened, and you scoffed, expression turning bitter.

“I’ll drop a light on you.”

“You’ll drop a light on me by accident before then anyways!” He crowed, and your expression fell, contemplative. “Just let me help; what do I have to do to make you actually rest? What do I have to do to prove myself?”

[strayneoculturekids]

High school AU Lee Mark x Reader

A/N: The idea for this fic isn’t completely mine, I got it after seeing a post and I’ve wanted to do it for a while so credit to whoever that person was ALSO I go to a school that has free seating so I have no idea how the teacher’s assign desks so forgive me for any mistakes

Highschool AU

Summary: The person who sits at your desk the period before you in class always left you cute little notes. At first, you think they’re just being sweet, but as the notes start to get a little more specific, you realize you might have a secret admirer.

Genre: Fluff

It was only the last period of your first day back at school, and you were already fed up. Due to the sleep schedule that you completely ruined over the holidays, you didn’t get to bed until around 3am last night. The bags under your eyes were very evident, but no one questioned it, because everyone else had them too.

Except for one person. Actually, he did have them, but did that stop him from being the most loveable person ever? No.

Mark Lee. The boy who always seemed to be so shining and bright, no matter the situation. You had never once seen him in a bad mood, not even today, on the first day of school. This was one of the many, many reasons you had a tiny little crush on him.

Despite Mark’s charming personality and outstanding looks, not a lot of girls were going for him. It was high school. A lot of girls wanted a bad boy and a relationship with no meaning, just for the thrill of it. You found this completely fine, you understood that they just wanted a little bit of relationship experience and to know what it felt like to have a boyfriend like that. 

But some unknowable force just dragged you towards Mark.

You walked into your classroom, being met with the teacher and a few other students.

Ugh, why is the teacher here so early You thought dreadfully

She instructed you to your seat while you put on a fake smile and nodded, walking towards your assigned desk.

You plopped yourself down on the seat before looking down at your desk, not very surprised to see that it had already been graffitied on, it still looked fresh so you assumed that the person who sat at this desk the period before wrote it. just a short sentence.

I know it’s the start of the school year, but keep your chin up! It read

For some absurd reason, the cringey little message left on your desk by the mysterious person put a smile on your face and left your hear a little warm. You were aware that you probably looked like an idiot just staring at your desk and smiling, so after a few seconds, you instantly went back to your resting face.

During the whole class, you kept looking down towards that little note, and it actually helped you study a bit harder. You didn’t know why, but you really enjoyed it.

The next day, the same thing happened, where you saw a new little encouraging message. This went on for a few weeks before you got a message that particularly got your heart racing.

I saw you walking in the halls today, you looked pretty tired. Maybe you should try getting a bit more rest, but I like your new hairstyle!

You tried to think of any possible way as to how this message might not be for you, but alas, when you wiped your fingers across it, it left some ink on you, indicating that it had just been written.

And coincidentally, you had just started styling your hair differently today. You frantically looked around despite knowing that the person who wrote the note would be long gone by now.

A million thoughts were racing through your mind and the period felt like it passed in 5 minutes, but you didn’t retain a single piece of information.

By the time you left school, you were still in a daze but tried not to let it show when you arrived home. You decided that you would sleep on it, and crashed on your bed, falling asleep straight away despite having unfinished homework.

The morning came around far too soon and you got up and dressed slowly, a little bit less sleep deprived due to your extremely early night last night.

You went downstairs, finally noticing the time. It was 15 minutes until school started.

“FUCK” You shouted out loud

“Language” Your dad shouted back

You threw a quick sorry at him, almost deciding to skip breakfast, but weirdly remembering the little note you had gotten a few days previously.

Make sure to eat well!

You cursed yourself for remembering that a time like this and quickly went back to grab an apple from the fridge, racing out the door as quickly as possible, running as fast as your legs could possibly carry you.

You arrive at school in a huffing mess, but you arrived before the bell and that’s all that matters. You quickly went to your locker, instantly noticing the bright pink sticky note that was stuck to it.

You stared at it for a while before finally noticing the small crowd around you, whispering and pointing towards you and the note. After a short episode of dread and embarrassment, you took the note off your locker and read it.

Did you enjoy my notes? I hope so! You’ve been looking a lot healthier lately, I’m glad. Could you stay back after your class this afternoon? I wanna talk.

Your heart was racing at top speed and you felt a blush rise to your face. You gulped but before you had enough time to switch into full panic mode, the bell for the first period rung. You quickly stuffed your things in your locker and got out your books for your first class.

The day felt like it went on forever, you just wanted it to be over! The anticipation of meeting the mysterious stranger leaving you notes was killing you, you couldn’t focus on anything but the sticky note that had been left on your locker.

When the last period came around, you looked down at the desk, noticing that there was no new note. Of course, it was no surprise, however, you were still a bit disappointed.

The period itself felt like it dragged on for days, you kept looking to the clock every five minutes only to discover the time actually hadn’t changed.

Finally, the end of school came around and while everyone else was leaving the room, you were sitting not-so-patiently at your desk, tapping your foot, waiting to see who would come into the room next.

You heard footsteps coming towards the room and your heart was suddenly throbbing in your chest. You started to squirm in your seat until you saw someone walk through the door, that someone making you freeze.

Mark Lee.

His bright, signature smile was lacking for a few seconds, but when he saw you, it returned immediately and you could see his face becoming slightly red.

“M-Mark?!” You almost screamed, standing up from your chair

“S-surprise?” he said, timidly rubbing the back of his neck

Before you could even process the fact that Mark was the one leaving you all those notes, you ran up to him and wrapped him in a bear hug. Which he reciprocated after a few seconds of surprise.

“I can’t believe it was you” You said in a hushed voice

His beautiful smile echoed in the room and you stopped hugging him to look him in the eyes. Both of your faces were almost bright red.

“So...does that mean you do wanna go on a date with me?” he asked, a nervous smile spreading on his perfect face

[dreammutual-remade]

mua!you and lucas

request: hi may you please do a bullet point scenario about lucas and his girlfriend who is a make up artist for nct. thank youu- anon

word count: 3.4k

a/n: anon !!! thank u for requesting I lowkey struggled with this concept bc I was like uhhh how r they gonna u know,,, do the affection but once I figured it out this was so fun to write !!! I love Lucas hehehehehe. also I realized when I was picKINg this gif that I forgot to include the filming of the yearbook shiygeidfhvf pretend it didn't happeN okay

ps I have 8 requests as of now and I promise I will get to all of them pls have patience w/ me ily all <33333

good evening, Thots

let us dive in, shall we

alright so you had been doing makeup since you were a wee lass !!

of course it was , pretty terrible but like practice makes perfect and now you’re an absolute LEGEND

one of your friends convinced you to start posting tutorials and have an instagram acc dedicated to your Iconic Looks and the rest was history !!!!

you started getting hella attention everyone loved you bitch !!!

so you started advertising you were like ayy if y’all need your makeup done , hmu i am Skilled

at first you started out doing other gals makeup for formal dances and whatnot

then you climbed your way up the celebrity ladder and now you’re a god damn nct makeup artist ?????

things you did: THAT

alright so you got hired just in time for cherry bomb promotions

you took a look at some of their past looks and ,,,,, you were horrified honestly who did that to them

SM CAN GET FUCKED

anyways you Turned Their Shit Around and had them lookin bout fine as hell

all the boys had been super awkward around you at first and it was soooo funny

because you were pretty used to being v close to people you don’t know well

from all the years of doing other people’s makeup now you just go right in

you got real close to mark and he squeaked and like pressed himself back into the chair

like ? shouldn’t he be used to this by now ???

johnny was the only one who was cool with you the first time even if he was an absolute SLEAZEBAG

“sorry if i get all up in your face i’m just trying to keep your eyebrows FLEEKY U KNO WHAT IM SAYIN”

“nah i don’t mind having a face like yours that close ;)))))”

“oops didn’t mean to bump into your knee like that”

“that’s okay my lap is always open for u :}”

he’s the worst god i love him

you’re on the younger side too so he’s all,

c̢̖̲̹̞̰̪ͅa̫͠l̶̜̞l̠̝͇͠ ̪̙͕̲̫̯m̙̪͖e̱͙̦̳̦̝͢ ͕̼̳̰̞o̹p҉͖̘͙͍̞̲p͍̙͙͙̹̖͞a҉̠͓̠̜͕

and you’re all

NO

taeyong asks how old you are and as soon as he finds out you’re younger than him he becomes your mom

you’ll be doing his makeup and he’s like okay but have u eaten today ??? you look too thin please eat

“one: stop moviNG IM TRYING TO CONTOUR YOU and two: please are u my damn grandmother i’m FINE i’ve eaten plenty :&&;&,$,”

you and haechan just roast each other the whole time

“yet another pimple i see, hyuckie, have you been keeping up with the skincare regimen i sent you home with?”

“first of all, fuck you, second of all, you sent me home with a piece of paper that said ‘you can wash your face to get rid of the acne but there’s nothing you can do about the ugly’ you evil WITCH”

but it’s all in good fun and you and hyuck are besties at heart and can tell when it’s not a good day for teasing

whenever you can tell he’s down you make sure to be extra playful when you’re putting on his makeup, tapping him on the nose or tickling his ear with your makeup brush til he giggles

i’m soft gOD

THIS ISNT A DONGHYUCK FIC I GOTTA CHILL

the rest are pretty cool with you too!! yuta is a worse flirt than johnny though it’s like unnecessary but it’s funny and you know he’s , mostly kidding, so you let it slide

anyways !!! cherry bomb is coming to a close and you did That the entire time you had them absolutely GLOWING

but then you get some emails from your boss talking about a new NCT U song/concept that will be filmed toward the end of the year

((i think that’s when it was filmed ?? i’m so sorry if there’s inaccuracies in here i’m very bad with dates :’-)))))))

they tell you you’re traveling to the UKRAINE

THATS FAR

and VERY COLD

they also tell you that they’re gonna be debuting two new members in this unit and you’re a little Nervous since you’ve only been doing 127’s and Dream’s makeup for the past like , half a year

(u were responsible for the we young era,,,,, god bless u)

but you’re also excited because they described the concept to you and you’ve already got ideas to make everyone look Hot and Badass

your boss sent some predebut pics and said the new ones were Yukhei and Jungwoo and, wOW THEYRE PRETTY

jungwoo looks absolutely soft and squishy so you’re a bit worried about making him look ,,,,, BOSS but yukhei.

is a whOLE MAN

he’s got big eyes and lips that give him softer features but , the look in his eyes and like his cheekbones and ????? wow you’re gonna turn him into Daddy Material

anywhom

the time has come and we are on our way to the ukraine !!! yeehaw it’s cold as balls out here

you arrive and get to stay in the hotel for a night before you gotta Get To Work

you arrive bright and early with all your beauty products

you , as the resident makeup artist, look cute as hell even if you are rather cold

your nose is tinted a bit red even tho you have foundation on rip

you set up your little station in the main tent because they’re gonna film all the outdoor parts first

jaehyun walks in first with winwin and they he looks scruffy af

“jaehyun you DOLT did you not shave ??? you know that tickles my hand when i’m trying to make you hot”

“i’m already hot”

“uh huh go shave your face i guarantee you don’t want me to try”

“ugh, yes ma’am”

“hey winwinie~”

“good morning !!!”

winwin is Precious and Easy To Work With as usual

mark comes in next and he’s flustered and cute AS USUAL

of course he’s comfy with you now but you enjoy making him flustered

“mark, baby, you’re GLOWING today!!! go off king”

“y/N PLEASE ENOUGH”

doyoung comes next and his Flawless Skin makes the process so much easier for you ugh

reLEASE THE SKINCARE ROUTINE

COWARDS

anywhom you get to meet jungwoo next !!!

FUCKIN UWU

his blue hair ,,,,,,,, amazing

he’s so sweet and releases little breathy giggles every once in a while when the brushes tickle him

you’re finishing up with jungwoo when, the Man Himself literally stumbles into the tent

“hyUNG are you almost done we’re bout to film man”

and he is absolutely Large and you are , very appreciative god damn

even barefaced this man baby looks GOOD that is not fair :-(

“lucas!~ you still have to get your makeup done but i think y/n was almost finished. are you?”

jungwoo turns to look up at you while he asked and you, have to exercise GREAT restraint not to talk to him in a baby voice

so you just nod and then give him a once over and tell him he can go ahead to wardrobe

you wave yukhei over and you’re like hey uh ,,, yukhei? or should i call u lucas ?!/!:&:&

he cackles and asks you to call him lucas and asks your name and how old you are and what your star sign is and your favorite color and your nct bias

(when you tell him you love them all equally he’s all like Not For Long 

>:-))) soon i shall PREVAIL)

basically he’s questioning you and you’re like oKAY PLEASE IM TRYING TO MAKE YOUR FACE BEAUTIFUL

“my face is already beautiful thank u very MUCH”

“you boys are all the same jaehyun  already pulled that shit today, LAME”

he pouts and you tap him on the lip with the handle of your makeup brush and then Get To Work

you truly have him lookin RIGHT wooo shit he looks good

and as you’re doing it your brain is like that clip from sponge bob where squidward is like oh NO he’s hot !!!! :(

you’re doing his eye makeup and you’re standing, in between his legs like they’re so long and in the way it’s the only way to get close enough to to do it well and you’re highkey, Blushing

he’s literally just staring up at you while you do his makeup and your hands are starting to shake what business does he have with such big brown puppy dog eyes :((((

“hey quit staRINg at me dude”

“ am i making u,,,, nervous ;)”

“, YES pls stop :((“

“aw i’m srry :((((“

pouts AGAIN and you shove his shoulder a little for making fun of you

when you finish you just kind of nod and he takes that as a go ahead and like SPRINGS up

and you’re standing very close so he almost knocks you the hell over

you tip backwards and he grabs you by the waist to steady you while you basically grab handfuls of his clothes to keep you upright

there’s a pause where you guys are just.. pressed together before you fly apart and lucas awkwardly rubs the back of his neck like nervous boys do in movies AW

“i really gotta stop knocking people over i almost took oUT jungwoo earlier srry abt that :’-))))))”

you’re like haha it’s fine :’-))))))))))))))

it’s really awkward so he yeets out of there just as taeyong strolls in looking entirely too smug

“so, you’ve taken a liking to our newest member hmmmm ??”

“aw no jungwoo is just so cute !!”

“quit playing dumb you knew what i meant”

“okaY but literally nothing happened please don’t make this a big deal”

“it’s a big deal bbg it’s tOO LATE NOW”

you sigh and then do his makeup pretty quickly since even barefaced he looks unreal

fckin anime character

okay everyone is now made up and dressed (jaehyun came last freshly shaven , looking like a bar of soap as usual) and you’re on standby outside to fix any little blemishes they may get while filming

everything is pretty good because most of the boys are used to wearing makeup but lucas is Dumb and just like ?? rubs at his eye and wipes half of it off ????

you sCREECH as he’s doing it and he jumps and is like ??? what is it what’s wrong with you

“what’s wrong with me ??? wHATS WRONG WITH YOU I WORKED HARD TO MAKE YOU LOOK THAT ETHEREAL DAMNIT”

you have to fix it on the spot so y’all can stay on schedule so he does that thing where he stands with his legs super far apart so his face is level with yours

his legs are so far apart in order for him to be short enough rip (.... literally. pray for his pants u guys)

you fix up his eye and warm him that you’ll give him a black eye with your fist instead of makeup if he messes up your Artwork again

the shoot goes really well and you get to know lucas and jungwoo better throughout the rest of the filming

things are…. tense between you and lucas but not in like a bad way more like a we are both sort of attracted to each other and unsure what to do from here way

lucas gets braver as time passes and has become wayyyyy more flirty

the tension just sort of transforms to hardcore flirting and little fleeting touches jskdkfk

you havent stopped blushing for like 4 days straight

as you do his makeup he’ll stare up at you with fckn awestruck eyes and one of his hands will drift up to circle around your wrist as you tilt his head this way and that

its a GIANT hand too I just wanna mention that they're very nice hands thank you for your time

as you do his makeup you’ll purposefully let your hand linger on his neck and use your thumb to caress turn his jaw

when you stand between his legs to do his makeup he’ll scoot to the edge of the chair to get as Close As Possible until your hips are almost touching the inside of his thighs ???:$&:&:@:@

SPICY

but eventually the shoot is over :(((( rip

buT no worries ;))))) black on black is being filmed in like a month and you’ll see his goofy ass soon heheh

highkey black on black makes u , Hot And Bothered like the part where lucas is on the floor and doing thaT THING

YALL KNOW WHAT IM TALKIN ABOUT

he highkey gets up and is like

did u like that babygirl ~~~ 😤😘💕🤪😩

and you just stick your tongue out at him and he sticks his tongue out at you and it’s Juvenile

“JUST MAKE OUT ALREADY!!!!”- johnny, from across the room

you: Red

lucas: wheezing

you guys pull all the same touchy flirty bullshit for this MV filming too and all the boys are like o.o

“hyung are u dating our makeup artist(¬‿¬) ” -chenle

“god i wish”

“what”

“i mean , no”

and now BOSS has been released and you’ve gotta do his makeup for all these stages and you two just , keep dancing around each other

when the boys get their first win for BOSS tho lucas is sO HYPE

because it’s his first time really performing live and they WON AND ???? THIS IS CRAZY

and he’s so happy he’s like shaking and he bursts into the dressing room after they all come off stage

he makes it there before everyone else because he RAN like a dork

you’re packing up all your stuff and hear the door open and you turn around to congratulate the boys but it’s just lucas and he runs in and pICKS YOU UP

he spins you around and sets you down and is like

JSDKSJDK Y/N WE WON ????

and you’re like

OMG YEAH I KNOW IM SO PROUD OF U ??!:&:@.

and then he just kisses you right on the lips in excitement

it’s just a press of lips and it was barely a kiss since he was still smiling so hard

his smile fades after and he looks , terrified

you also are terrified because ?

he’s Done It Now

the imaginary LINE has been CROSSED

but like, the barrier is broken now right ????

yolo

so you just shake your head and flick him on the nose

“damn you could have taken me to dinner first”

he laughs nervously because you haven’t made it clear whether or not you’re going to murder him and, That’s Scary

but you giggle and press up on your toes to kiss him more gently and tell him it’s okay and you like him and if he likes you back that would be GREAT

and he just smooshes you against him really hard and presses at least 26 kisses to your cheeks and it tickles and you’re like heY STOP THE LIPSTICK I PUT ON YOU WILL STAIN ME

“i like u too,, HEHEHHE”

“god you had to ruin it by cackling like the wicked witch of the west didn’t you???”

“absolutely, sweetheart :)”

okay the rest of nct u is on the way so you quickly agree that this should be a Semi Secret relationship because he’s so new to the scene and he’s probably not even allowed to date rn lol

but he INSISTS that he can treat you well no matter what and who are you to stop him honestly

he’s so blatant with the touching while you do his makeup now though that although you haven’t explicitly told anyone ,,, all the members of NCT know

he just loops his arms around your hips and pulls you close and blatantly admires you while you’re concentrated on his makeup

squeezes your ass every once in a while which makes you squeak and slap his shoulder

that little SHIT

one time taeil caught you sneaking in some food for lucas during dance practice and was like

“honestly just come in we all know you’re in a relationship gOD it’s so obvious”

so now you come to dance practice all the time with food for him and extra for the other boys

he’s always jealous

literally all the time

you’ll be doing marks makeup and hyping him up as usual

(baby bOY DESERVES IT)

and lucas will be :(((((( y don’t u say that stuff to me

“i literally say that and more to you and about you”

“okay but why not only me :(((((“

“oh my god”

or when you bring food he’ll be like NO she brought this for me go away you commoners !!!!!

honestly you feel like you’re taking care of a toddler sometimes except he’s HUGE

you have to be like

“now lucas, sharing is caring and i brought enough for everyone stop being gREEDY”

any free time he has he comes to your apartment

mainly because you guys want to be mushy and coupley and not have to listen to all the members whining and fake gagging

he’ll knock on your door at midnight with a blanket in hand and fresh out of the shower and looking CUTE

“can i sleep over :(((( i cant sleep without you:((((((“

BITCH

your heart melts oh my shosjdjdjckf

and this boy basically can’t sleep without you now because he sleeps over so much im emo

at first he insists on being the big spoon every time but after awhile Sleepy Baby Boy Lucas reveals himself

when he’s super tired he’ll just let himself in and climb in your bed and plant his head on your chest and his arms around your waist and just sigh contentedly

if he can’t sleep he’ll steal your hand and place it on top of his head and nudge you til you start running your fingers through his hair and scratching his scalp

uwu this is so cute

loves to hold your hands whenever possible

you guys can’t really go on dates since the relationship is Super Secret and he wants so bad to show you off but he CANT :/

so he just pretends y’all are out on the town and holds your hand at home when you’re just chillin

has taken to putting things you need in very high places so he can come up behind you and reach over your head to hand it to you

okay but like once in a while you both do your best to have a Normal Date where you go out doors you just have to be

Incognito Mode

so summer dates dont really work out since it’s hard to hide your identity when you’re not covered head to toe because it’s HOT

they’re mainly winter dates like ice skating and hot chocolate and fall festival stuff !!!!

he insists that you go to any festival in town like INSISTS

festival for a random and obscure flower?? you best believe you’re attending and going home covered flowers

he tried to make you a flower crown but it kept falling apart so he just stuck flowers all up in your hair AWE

forced you to pose so he could take pictures of you

(he made it his lock screen !!!! uwu)

this boy just, loves you so much and the day he tells you is when you’re both sick and dying because he got a cold and then gave it to you so you’re both laying in bed feeling Terrible

you’re laying there and feeling lightheaded and too hot but you’re both Clingy so you still hold hands at least lmao

and lucas tugs on your hand and you flop on your side to look at him expectantly

“yes, lucas?”

“hey”

“hey”

“guess what”

“hmmmmm what”

“i love you”

“oh, me too”

“like you love me too or you love you too”

“U2 is alright i guess”

“no i mean do you love me or yourself”

“both”

“sweet, self love is important too”

and theN YOU TERRIBLE PEOPLE PASS OUT HEHSHS

WHO CONFESSES THEIR LOVE LIKE THAT ????

when you wake up you feel slightly better and look over and see Your Man sprawled out over the bed with one arm haphazardly thrown over you

he rlly can’t sleep without a hand on you that is so so cute fuckdjkdjd

you remember confessing your love to each other in a delirious and feverish haze and snicker because it was RIDICULOUS

you gently turn to face him so you don’t wake him up and trail your fingertips up his arms to trace his features

his eyes flutter open and he’s literally unreal like he looks like an angel

and he smiles all sleepy like and brings his hand up to capture your wrist and kiss your palm

“good morning i’m no longer fucked up on theraflu and i love you”

“good morning i’m also no longer fucked up and i love you MORE”

he scoffs dramatically

“not possible !!!!!”

“is too !!!”

“is nOT”

“IS TOO”

“IS NOT”

and so on :-)

[feverhalo]

Ok so. Big talky post about irl shit in all forms because why not & i feel bad leaving you all hanging so long on so much

Please dont r///ebl/////og and theres no pressure to read it or do anything in regards to this.

So. This covers like. So many topics. Grief and death and mental health being the biggest warnings for

Average news first. I still have my job and have been there officially for a year now! Pay rates are going up in my province, and thats a new solid reference should i need it any time soon. Theyre also beong really understanding and compromising(? Forgot theword i had originally) and letting me try new jobs/places to reduce stress

I found out yes, i am still allergic to peanut butter if the fact that i had really annoying stomach pain for h o u r s after eating a teeny tiny pb cookie is anything to go by. Didnt really pay attention to if i broke out on my sides or not because i was a little preoccupied with curling up tightly and feeling a little off the next day too. (I mean no duh what did i expect to happen but i mean. They smelled so good). Lesson learned.

Bad news

ive touched on but i dont think ever really said. Someone very very close to me passed in late summer and im still devistated and torn up and doing my denial/anger thing for the most part. Its. Not easy. But ive been going to see someone, admittedly its become a bit about everything when it was supposed to just be this, but i dont do death. When i was a kid and lost someone i shut down entirely and aside from angry outbursts and the occasional breakdown i tried my hardest to act like there was not and would never be a hole there. It didnt work well at all and im still affected by that person's passing too.

They were also one of the more supportive people in my life and i spent a lot of time reading and writing and creating in their company and its been hard.

And i know that im handling this a little better even though im still skipping out on things and blowing up and all the same sort of crap but i actually have a neutral space that wont feel marked or stained every day for processing and a neutral person to help.

And of course its not just grief im getting help with because its all kind of a tangled mess. But im also getting like. New insight on stuff and someone to talk to about whatever. And its making life quite a bit harder because im so used to blocking it out or locking myself away and letting things rush over and take over and run their course. Its been really hard to be creative because im incredibly self critical and having a lot more trouble focusing lately because of a lot of reasons.

Im stressed and overwhelmed a lot more easily and frequently right now. And i know im being distant even if it doesnt show. Im scared to kind of go along with this and open up and all that junk and now im being gently prodded to do so in short, honest (not just stuff i dont rly care about or stuff callously overshared to just pretend im being open) bursts its kind of freaking me out. But like. Itll all end up for something good i hope. Even though it feels awful right now and ive had stints of days or even a full week with supports on speed dial when i havent been able to calm down or shut off over thinking but thats- i mean i expect it. A lot is happening and ive known for years my coping strategies have been lacking.

Ive also been talking with this outside help and weve toyed with the idea of maybe i really do have add or at least my anxiety manifests similarly and its kind of a which came first- and this ties in to the next good part in a second- but i havent scheduled anything in my area for right now for those sorts of things but im still kind of getting new ideas from a different angle that might maybe help and if i dont then im learning things i still may be able to use. Either way its not a huge deal for the current moment and its a bit if trying to find compassion and acceptance for myself whether its thing a or b or neither but whatever

Good, great, best news!!

I have an in to starting the more physical process of transitioning. Like i have a day and a time and a start. Like really really really soon. Its going to be hard i know because im going to have to open up about things and will probably be told i have to wait until i can stablize a bit more- its been a lot happening in a short while. And i understand. I waited 2 years to hear from them, i waited a few years to reach out to them, and i unknowingly waited years to find new words that struck a chord and all that. So as long as its moving i can deal with the wait.

I have GOOD people (many i know and have known for years now who happen to work in an adjacent field, some who are new and yet to be met but have rly good references if that makes sense?) who are going to help me kind of navigate and understand and undo things i thought i learned that were honestly just veiled hate and scare tactic garbage. People who support me and dont push me past what i am comfortable with undergoing to "prove" anything (such as 'if you didnt do x right away youre lying/if you dont do y surgery first i wont believe you' kind of comments. I hope). Im looking into options and im so excited for it!!

Its going to involve a lot of talking about things and probably a lot i dont want to talk about just yet but its a great chance because it gets me officially connected and officially started and this place has more options than my town and more specialized crap that can detangle and work through all the connected things and it can all be lumped together as the same process and hopefully help financially that way- and time wise unbelieveably. Theres a very good chance ill be able to talk with someone there, and very likely that first appointment, who can help me understand why i work the way i do sometimes for whatever reason it is.

And im getting a lot of positivity and lessons like learning to give myself some slack where it matters and stuff like that. And that im not worthless or stained or going to rot other people- which is honestly uncomfortable for me to think because of how long ive thought the opposite. Like to think i may actually be pretty good like not pretend good and actually worth anything at all. Because i got stuck in bad thoughts since i was small.

Im also thinking on trying to go back to school because i have a lot i think about with nowhere to really put it and nothing to do which doesnt help me do the things i want to do. So maybe something like that would help because i like learning. I like the motions of it- writing and reading with intent to understand something new, the routine as much as i whined about it in highschool, the forced kind of proximity to people living apart from what i know entirely too so the world feels bigger in a tangible way. Thats on a back burner and waiting for sure! But the fact im thinking about it and happily thinking about it? I like that.

My life has been. Kind of a combination of bland as hell and busy if that makes sense. Ive had to sort of shut down outward productivity and cut down on things a bit because so much is going on, and im trying to do a lot as paced and as slowly as i can bear.

And even though im not Here here as much as i want to be and everything its just. Kind of time for this. And im so glad and happy that when i can be here i can see that people still like what ive done and theres always awesome content to see and yeah

Thanks for everything and checking in and i really really am looking forward to moving forward.

[theday]

anyways, ill say bye now... i hope ure well rested and have a good day!! (wait, i remember what i wanted to ask!! at least i think this is what i wanted to ask? anywys, do u know what u want to do now that ure finished w school? if u dont mind me asking, of course, i understand if u think its a bit personal!) ok, now im done, have a good day!! take care and stay hydrated!! (and now i really did send u a bunch of asks..)

omg i hope u dont mind but ill be answering the stuff from ur last ask here (the one where i… deleted everything) under cut bc itll be 2x longer now

so first !!!!! how i got into kpop!!! it was thanks to my good pal (@.briwoon) boxy! i follow her on twitter and despite her being a day6 stan twt i had her unmuted anyway bc.. after years of being an anime blog on tumblr and seeing all my anime mutuals slowly converting into kpop blogs one by one i was able to filter the kpop out of my brain?? smth like that since back then i wasnt into kpop and i didnt want to unfollow since im mutuals with most of them :-0 

another backstory - i was one of those people who never saw themselves getting into kpop? and i think the main reason was bc i thought liking kpop would make u seem lame?? due to the influence from people around me?? but as years went by and as my mutuals changed interests it stopped bothering me and that mindset kind of just? faded away bc who am i to call other people’s happiness bad?? but despite being okay with it i never really made the move to get into any groups lmao that was until i got tired of my interest at that time (seiyuu, japanese voice actors) and my interests would always. not last?? idk so maybe thats why i didnt want to get invested but it happened regardless 

anyway usually i wouldnt take notice of her rts but this . this beautiful man with orange hair and minion glasses caught my eye when i was scrolling through my timeline and i was like o worm? oh mu god? hes beautiful? so i slid into her dms and asked her whomst the beautiful man was and she sent me all their mvs after that from congratulations to i smile (the most recent mv at that time, late june) for me to watch :-D now at that time, from what little knowledge i had of kpop.. i understood that groups would be singing and dancing so i was prepared to see some sick moves or smth?? but then. i clicked on miss i smile and my wig flew off? bc… wtf.? they were playing instruments???? and they sounded good ??? so i was like oh my god? a band??????

before day6 i also had (have) a preference for bands and the way their music sounds so i was like?? ready to just. get on board yknow?? i watched how can i say and i saw the lanky noodle wearing glasses and i was like o fuck mu life? i caved and asked boxy for their names and other information and best decision of my life bc.. they really make me happy!!! after that like the day after ? myabe they did a vlive and i was like o shit? what do i do… so i downloaded the vapp and wowie i love it? its my second home…… i watched every vlive they had at that time and i thought that was a lot… (it isnt, compared to mx) and i was just rly content??

(ok i know u asked for kpop and not … day6 or other groups bc im gonna talk abt how i got into mx and astro too bc…… how can i Not.. u can skip this part tho i just wanna ramble abt my loves? ill tell u when u can continue)

that was peak happiness for me at that time.. until… boxy started talking about monsta x in our groupchat (with @.tokayhk) and she would just ramble abt this kihyun fella (who i vaguely knew bc my real life friend likes him and mx and i bought her his pc before along with the guilty clan part 2) so i was like hmm interesting… and honestly? i wasnt going to get into monsta x i really wasnt planning on asking her abt them (since i was scared id lose interest in day6 right after) but then.. she started linking videos and i .. my resolve crumbled down as i heard monsta x yelling and … this beautiful cover (which boxy sent to show us how powerful kihyuns vocals are but i was 2 focused on mister aka minhyukku) and she told us how funny these monsta men are and i was like o h no…………….. eventually one day in late august i asked her to tell me more about these monstas…… aftert that i watched every mxray episode (starting from season 2 bc i dont know 1 comes before 2) and even though i didnt know anyone who was on screen except jooheon i found it really funny and?? it made me laugh so much i love mx?? ya… boxys kind of like my guardian angel?? shes really the reason im living tbh… introducing me to all these lovely people?? thank u miss boxy i love u

now. for the astrosus….. they were a bit different.. because i didnt have boxys help and they were the first group i took interest in solely bymyself so i knew i was in for a wild ride (at first, i couldnt even differentiate brian from sungjin in day6 lmao) after stanning monsta x and day6 i became more?? open to kpop and i started watching unhelpful guides on youtube bc . they were funnie and idk its nice??/ and i stumbled upon the astro one (which wasnt that funny but more helpful than anythng) and i was like. oh worm? the cicada group… bc i watched a short clip of them catching that stupid cicada in their office as it appeared on my tl one day so i clicked on the video ..and after watching that it led me to another video of astro being extra for 6 minutes and those six minutes/????? best six minutes of my life because theyre so fnny and they made me laugh a lot? (combined with the editing from op) so bc they were funnie i decided to look them up and read their profiles/??? i watched their nimdle video and only knew mj bc his tag was the two letters m and j lol but it really made me bust both of my lungs i just?? laughed A Lot 

im not sure how i managed to put name to face so quickly but it mightve been bc after the nimdle videos i watched every ddoca and astro play as well as their vlives available bc..  i just inhale the content at godspeed?? 

for mx and astro i was drawn in by their personalities before their music because they were on more variety shows and had more chances to show dorky they all are which made it way quicker for me to fall for the two groups??? for day6 its a bit sad but the weekly scheduled vlives arent enough for me to tell what kind of people they are (although those r still hilarious) i just wish they would go on more variety shows?? its understandable if they themselves dont want to be on any shows though!!! i love all 3 groups with all my heart :-D 

ok if u skipped u can start from here ill be answering the questions now lmao

FIRSTof all,,,,, youre learning how to drive?? thats so cool >:-0 we’re not allowed to learn until we’re like...?? 18?? or 21 idk but not so Soon :-( and its cute u think abt me (or of what to say) but pleaseth stay safe... i hope ur driving lessons go smoothly until u end theM!!! hopefully youll be able to get ur licence :-D 

aNDD!!! the thought of drinking warm tea when its cold outside.. is so ?? nice to think about hecc u better drink that tEA and enjoy it !!!! stay warm and comfy miss RM ..... and it even snows there????? thats so cool tbh ?? (i love snow but maybe thats bc it doesnt snow here so i dont know the tru evil of snow but like.... its so.... white and fluffy??) i would ask u 2 take pics and show me but alas...... the time is not right :-( do u know when we’re allowed to expose ourselves?? i forgot rip... but its sometime next month right im excited???? since its near my birthday !!!!! 

ok now to answer this ask no i actually have no clue what i want to be after i finish school?? yikEs but last year i (jokingly) said i wanted to be a farmer??? idk if i might actually do that probably not i guess im just freestyling (going with the flow) for now we’ll see where life takes me 

and like i said u can ask me anything !!! im fine with it :-) alsooooo please dont ever feel bad about sending too many asks bc its a lovely thing to wake up to and i just?? get rly happy when i see all the asks in my activity :-D!!  

[oflgtfol]

had a very long and fucked up dream where i was at school, for some ferris wheel thing, except it was... high school? yet i was still acting like i had a long ass commute back home. so after i went on it, i ran into my earth science teacher, and i was planning on going home but then i heard a rumble of thunder and started freaking out cause oh no im not driving home in a storm! so i decided to wait it out on “campus” cause it was only like 6pm

so i go inside to chill... i think i had left my backpack in the mini elementary school “auditorium” we had during the ferris wheel thing but i was hanging out with my friends so i forgot it was there. but then i suddenly realized oh no i dont have my backpack! so i started checking every area i could think of till i remembered where it was, and it wasnt there anymore. so i went to the lost and found....

but in some sort of weird Third Person Omniscient thing, i heard the principal say something about security and how i couldnt get that backpack. as im walking down the hallway to the nurses office where the lost and found was, i see some man in his late 20s stand up outside and i was like fuck thats security... and i was like i need my backpack!!! and as he was approaching me i tried to sidestep him but hes like a 28 year old security dude and im baby?? so i was getting past him.. i expected him to physicslly restrain me so i started resisting but uhm apparently he wasnt gonna put his hands on me so that just made me unnecessarily aggressive (: anyway he just herded me into the office

i got my backpack and i was looking through it and i was like ok everythings here thats a relief... but the principal and the security guy were still there. and theh wouldnt let me have my backpack. they wouldnt let me leave either

anyway so somehow it got around to the fact that i was being accused of some incredible crime and i had to be fucking put to death for the good of the community. and like for some reason there was absolutely no due process here. so i couldnt even think about fighting against it in court. and i was like but i didnt do anything wrong!! but they were Adament so i just. honestly i gave up i was so upset and i was like okay. whatever. kill me. cause i was worried about what they’d do if i didnt willingly go along with it

so anyway they wont let me leave... its just me alone with the security guy. i realize i still have my phone on me and they didnt make any move to take it away from me so i text my friends, WHO LAST TIME THEY SAW ME I WAS JUST GETTING MY BACKPACK FROM LOST AND FOUND? and i tell them im gonna be put to death LOL. anyway for some reason now its like. minecraft avatars. as the security guy is transporting me to some bunker thing im like “i need to be careful and make it known that im going willingly” and so he gave me access to creative mode because of it so i was able to fly to the area lol but i couldnt go too fast cause i was worried he’d think i was escaping. so i mostly just walked anyway. BUT THEN MY FRIENDS ALL COME AND THEYRE LIKE CHASING AFTER THE GUY AND TRYING TO KILL HIM MINECRAFT STYLE BUT HES ALSO IN CREATIVE MODE... and im like FUCK im not trying to escape though!!! so i just started flying away from them and like :(

but then outside the bunker it was a big conundrum and they almost got inside while i was trying to get in. anyway i got in ans they didnt. idk what happened next cause next thing i remember i was home and i was crying with my parents telling them how i was going to die soon. and i think it was actualy only a few hours before it was scheduled because i was literally telling them like my last words and shit. anyway they kept feeding me to comfort me but i felt so sick so i couldnt eat anymore. ans then we had to leave to actually go to the place and thus far i’d remained pretty calm, but then i started thinking about HOW they’d kill me and i was like “i hope it goes fast. i hope i dont suffer. i hope nothing goes wrong and i just die quickly instead of having it prolonged” and thinking about possibly having it go wrong and sitting there for like 10 minutes suffering made me actually get sick . and then i felt bad bc these are like my last moments with my parents and im ruining it by vomiting lol...

my parents told me they’re proud of me for doing this for the community. and i was like “i’m sorry but... this isn’t for the community. any government that kills innocent people like this doesn’t have the good of the community in mind.” and then my parents spun that to mean oh haha communist governments are horrible, of course! like how they do irl when discussing political issues and it was like bro for real.. im about to die right now and we Do Not live under a communist government... this is real life america and im gonna die for doing absolutely nothing wrong

anyway thats why i woke up, after saying something that cynical and bitter after pretty much going along with it for the entire time it was like. wow this is actually fucked up! so i woke up LOL

[sk-asx]

i really loved sam as a boyfriend! that was SO GOOD i just died inside. can you please write a fanfic where sam falls in love with an international fan when he met her at one of the concerts and theyre the same age and everything? THANK YOU SO MUCH ❤

thank you so much! and thanks everyone else!! Now i would like to apologize for how long this is… idk what got over me. I hope everyone enjoys! The next request is in the works~ 

im glad I met u (Part1/5)

You graduated high school a bit ago and things have been working out smoothly for you. Your parents decided to let you go Korea University for the summer program. You were ecstatic and started organizing your plans. You would be staying with another transfer student who you happen to know from online, so you won’t have to worry about that. Your parents provided you with money, but you decided that you would do some english tutoring on the side. 

Now you really liked kpop, like who doesn’t? You were sooo hype that you’ll be able to attend shows and fansigns. Sam Kim was a special one though. It would be an understatement to simply call him your fave. But it’s not like your were obsessed with him in an unhealthy way. You just really appreciated his music and all the intricate skills. And yes, okay, it didn’t hurt that he was extremely good looking. Summer time was the best time for outdoor events, especially for acoustics, so you’ll have plenty of times to see him. You would leave for South Korea in the morning. That night you had blissful dreams about adventures to come. 

After 2 weeks, you got used to your schedule and how things worked.  It was time for you to to attend a performance. Sam was doing a set for some sort of anniversary for a brand. When you arrived the seating area was pack so you decided to sit under a tree in the back. You had a wide scope view of everything, it wasn’t too bad, plus you got some shade. It was a local area so people were walking by going about their daily lives. 

Few minutes later you heard fangirl screams, you stood up in excitement while cheering as Sam walked on stage. You couldn’t help but smile. He looked so adorable! He smiled sheepishly to the fans reaction. He introduced himself with the usual, “Hello, I’m 20 years old Sam Kim, from Seattle. Nice to meet you.” And of course somewhere in there he apologizes for his “bad” korean. Yours isn’t too well either but you can understand most of it. 

He starts off with ‘No Sense’. Everyone is singing along and doing the fanchants. People stop to watch and listen. It’s a nice experience for you. You embrace the music, the people, the environment, and Sam. He continues to play other songs, you watch as he plays his guitar so passionately. As he sings it’s strong, yet gentle. And even if he slips up once in awhile, he smiles and keeps on at it. A true musician, performing with all his heart. 

For his last song he plays “Think About ‘Chu”. It’s one of your favorites, you’re listening and jamming. During that last verse..

“And every single time that would happened, we would listen to this song 

look into each other’s eyes and smile 

the memory makes me feel our love again”

 ..you could swear he was looking in your direction. But you couldn’t tell exactly. When he finished he said his goodbyes; him and his band walked off stage. 

As you were walking, you thought to yourself, ‘Did he really look at me? There’s no way!’. When you arrived at your apartment you told your roommate everything. The both of you squealed together and thought about different scenarios. What would you even say to him if, when, you met him in person? Would you keep your cool or freak out? You thought about his gorgeous smile and fluffy hair, his voice and his guitar playing. You realized your cheeks were killing you, You’ve never smile this much before! Lucky for you, you were going to head down to Busan that weekend for an Antenna Angels concert. 

You take the KTX to Busan. “Train to Busan” you think. You laugh out loud a bit for that stupid little pun. You put your earbuds in and listen to the latest kpop songs on your ride there. The weather is lovely, not too hot and not too cold. You felt such elation and simply couldn’t wait. You loved all of the members of Antenna Angels. They have such diverse skills and when they come together it’s like magic. Once you arrived at the concert only a couple people were there. You picked a decent spot in the front section. You recognized some of the fansite masters there and greeted them. Everyone was really nice and the vibe was chill. 

After a hour and a half seats began to fill up and the crowd was buzzing. The MC asked if we were ready and called them out. They came on stage and waved and smiled at the cheers. You made eye contact with Sam for just a second. ‘Probably a fluke,’ you thought. But you were excited to be there and couldn’t wait to see them perform. They did some songs together, some duos, some english covers, some solos, and a little dance here and there. Everyone was filled with glee. Different types of people in the audience you noticed. Guy, girl; young, old; Korean, foreign. Music brought everyone together. The energy just rushed through your body. 

Sam started playing “Touch My Body”, one of your favorites for sure. The lyrics made the girls swoon. His voice was just perfect. Then his rap verse comes, which you absolutely love. 

“You burn me up

i like you so much that i hate you

you know sometimes i go crazy because of you, you the best

when i -oh-oh- see you in a hoodie -oh-oh-  i get dizzy

I wanna give you to the bed in my room,  i wanna give you my everything

to be honest, i want to see you

baby, you know that you’re my world

if i said that i want you, what would you say?

where you at? whatchu doing?

baby come inside” 

you were filming this through your phone, but then you realize something. You look passed your phone … he was staring directly at you. You looked to the back of you, but no, he was staring right at you. He smiled at your natural antic. There was a tingle in your stomach and all you could do was stare back at him wide eyed. He sang the next verse with such heartfelt. You have already died inside 50 times over. When they were saying their goodbyes, Sam gave you a wave, you managed to wave back. “Is this even real,” you thought. 

On your ride back to Seoul, you were overwhelmed with mixed emotions. You felt like crying because ultimately you were so happy. You told your roommate, messaged all your kpop friends, and yeah you did tear up a bit. You went to sleep the most happiest person in the world that night. Later that week, of course not forgetting a moment of your experience, you decided to walk the city and have a relaxed day. Life was good and you couldn’t complain. 

That evening you decided to visit this corner cafe spot. Not to many people about not since it was getting late. You walk in and the smell of coffee and the light music comforted you. You ordered a latte and a pastry and turned to go sit down… but then you saw him. You swear you were about to have a heart attack. Sam Kim was sitting right there, by the window, at the cafe you were at. You didn’t know what to do. It’s not like you could just walk up and say hi. You calmed down a bit and observed him. He was writing in a notebook slowly and you could tell he was thinking carefully. His brows were furrowed slightly and he spinned his pen. Most likely a new song he was working on. He was wearing a hoodie and his fair was down. He looked perfect. 

You sighed and decided to let your nerves get the best of you. You got your order and was about to go to the other side of the cafe, when all of a sudden you hear, “Hey, wait!” You turn and see Sam looking at you he waves and says, “Come sit here!” You come out of your shock and go over. You say, “It’s nice to meet you.” as you sit down. “I saw you at the event the other week, i was happy to see you at the concert,” he said smiling. Your heart was melting. You smiled back and said, “Of course! I really like your music and the other Angels.” You both chuckled. “Antenna Angels, i can’t get over how cliche i sounds,” he said. “But it’s cute!” you replied. The both of you laughed. 

The two of you talked about you coming to Korea and where you’re from, things like. He was happy to hear you both shared a lot in common. “It’s kinda weird you know,” you suddenly said. “What is?”, he asked with a very slight concerned look. “The fact that i know more about you without having to ask” you said. At this he smiled and replied, “Yeah well, i’m glad i can find out more about you though,” and at this you blushed. The both of you have similar tastes in music, humor, even food! The compatibility was there no doubt about it. He listened with care when you told him some fun things about your past and such. His eyes are focused on you only and his eye-smiles made him look even cuter. 

About two hours later of talking, you both realized it was night. Sam suggests the two of you exchange KakaoTalk ids and you happily comply. The two of you walked outside. “Hey, maybe we should meet up soon? Likes there’s a lot of places out here i haven’t been yet.. And i think it would be nice to go with you,” he asks while scratching his head. You scream a little inside. You smile and say, “That would be great! Just hit me up when you’re free.” “Awesome!” he says smiling wide. The two of you bid your goodbyes and you walk in your direction. You think about it for a sec, but you look back. He’s staring at you with those same loving eyes from the concert. You wave and he waves back, walking his way. As you hit the corner, you stop and lean against the wall comprehending everything that just happen. 

“This is real,” you whisper to yourself.  

[ylla]

Friday Night Gurus - Chapter 1

Series: JJBA Ships: josuyasu (others will eventually happen too, but im tagging as i go) Tags: au where theyre famous, modern au, pining, josuke is a hot mess and has exactly 0 chill Rating: T (for this chapter only, bc eventually there will be sex/smoking the devil’s lettuce)

AO3 link

reeeeee so i’ve been in and out of the doctor’s office with a sinus infection so intense, i’ve been to the ER due to pain. fun shit. i came up with this AU while listening to music while waiting for someone to come smother me with a pillow to put me out of my misery.

this unbeta’d because i wrote this on my phone while waiting. i plan on keeping up with this idea because it delights me. next chapter will follow shortly too, because i’m trying to break this up into smaller chunks as i hammer it out on my phone (which fucking sucks, lemme tell ya). if you notice anything weird, tell me about it so i can fix it!!

The first time Josuke Higashikata meets Okuyasu Nijimura was because of a fuckup in a magazine photo shoot schedule. The shoot in question was for a feature in Rolling Stone; award season was coming soon and they wanted to feature the current Biggest Names in Music. Some poor intern (who was probably promptly fired) fucked up EVERYONE’S schedule, so all the bands and singers had to come in during the same hellish week in June. It was a nightmare for all involved.

Of course, the cover would feature the biggest name in the industry which, naturally, was Josuke. Discovered at sixteen, with two world tours, four albums (two of which went platinum), and at least 20 different awards, he was twenty-four and still going. His latest album dropped too late for Grammy consideration last year, but he was feeling real confident. This was his year. He’ll get that fucking Grammy, even if he killed him.

Josuke still considered himself to be a chill, down-to-earth kind of man despite his superstardom; able to roll with the punches whenever they came. He got that sometimes things just didn’t go your way, but he still couldn’t help it when his precious time off gets thwarted by some dumb idiot.

“What the fuck, Koichi?” Josuke whined on their way to the shoot, “Why couldn’t have this happened literally like, last week?”

Koichi Hirose was his manager, agent, PR guy, and truth be told, the only person beside his mother and grandfather who truly knew him. “Stop whining, it’s not the end of the world.”

“Dude, this was supposed to be my first week off in forever—“

For someone who was 5’3 and weighed 110lbs soaking wet, Koichi could be intimidating. He gave Josuke a look before parking and turning off the car, “Can’t be helped. They wanted to do the cover shoot last since there’s two of them.”

Josuke made a face. He forgot that this would be a dual cover. Him on one side, some band on the other. “Who’s the other band?”

Like he was still in school, Koichi started rattling off some facts, “Arrowhead, they’re a metal band. Comprised of four members. Skyrocketed up the charts this past year with their second album. You guys fought over #1 album and singles on Billboard on and off all year.” Koichi was the type of guy who always did his homework, “Now come on, you’re gonna be late.”

The shoot was operating in some random ass warehouse in some backassward part of Los Angles. Josuke and Koichi waltz into some giant room that was getting set up; a group of 4 people huddled in a corner eating what appeared to be a large quantity of Taco Bell with a sharp dressed man standing near them. Josuke’s kind of people.

“Oi! Tonio!” Koichi called out with a wave, before gesturing at Josuke to follow him over. Josuke barely restrained an eyeroll; his hair was up in a ponytail and he was wearing some worn-out sweats with an old t-shirt, not exactly looking good for first introductions.

“Koichi,” the finely dressed man shook Koichi’s outstretched hand, “good to see you.”

“Josuke, this is Tonio Trussardi, we work at the same agency.” Koichi gestured at Tonio, “And Tonio, this is Josuke Higashikata.”

Josuke held out his hand and got a firm handshake, “Nice to meet you.”

“Pleasure to make your acquaintance,” Tonio’s eyes sparkled. He let go of Josuke’s hand and gestured to the group of people sitting behind him, “These are my charges, Arrowhead.”

He started with introductions, pointing to a man leaned up against the wall, who had sleepy eyes and a face Josuke would find attractive if it wasn’t for the tattoo on his chin, “Yuuya Fungami, drummer.” Yuuya nodded in greeting. Tonio pointed to a pretty girl with long black hair who was intently staring at Koichi, “Yukako Yamagishi, lead guitarist.” She didn’t even acknowledge Josuke, but held out a hand for Koichi to shake (which he did, if a little hesitant due to her staring). He swept a hand towards a man with impressively tall hair and two braids, “Keicho Nijimura, bassist.” Keicho gave them a cold stare and said nothing. “And last, but not least,” Tonio clapped his hand on a scarred man who had been too busy slamming a taco the entire time and didn’t notice people had walked up, “Okuyasu Nijimura, lead singer and rhythm guitarist.”

Okuyasu jumped a little, before turning a little pink and waving, “Sup?” His voice sounded he had came out of the womb smoking like a freight train.

Josuke was taken aback when he got a good look at the guy. The symmetrical scars running parallel on Okuyasu’s face did nothing to detract from how goddamn hot he was. Square jaw, angular face, black and silver hair pulled up into a ponytail, three piercings in each ear, ripped arms that had tattoos snaking up them, good God almighty. The first thought that entered Josuke’s mind when looking Okuyasu in the face was Oh no, he’s hot. The first words out of his mouth were “Those tacos smell so fuckin’ good.” Real smooth.

Without another word, Okuyasu offered him one. Josuke ignored how the blonde guy glared at him, and took the proffered taco, “Thanks dude.”

“S’no prob.”

As Josuke started chowing down, about to start chatting up the cute guy, when Okuyasu unceremoniously got up and walked away. Trying not to look so bitter, Josuke turned towards Koichi, but Yukako was asking him incredibly personal questions about his life, while Tonio started ushering Yuuya to hair and makeup, “Photographer’s not here yet, but you need to be ready since you’re the first up.”

“Yeah yeah, stop pushing.”

Keicho’s cold stare was unwavering and was starting to give Josuke the heebie jeebies, “Oi, Koichi. I’m gonna have a smoke.” Josuke didn’t bother to listen for Koichi’s stammered reproach before heading outside (which might have been a strangled cry for help). Truth be told, he really didn’t need a cigarette, he just kind of wanted to go pout. But luck would have it, when he went outside, Okuyasu was sitting on the curb with earbuds in, watching some video. Nosy as shit, Josuke hovered over his shoulder to see what he watching, “Are you watching Real Housewives of Atlanta??”

Okuyasu nearly jumped out of his skin, phone fumbling in his hand, “Oh shit!” he whipped around, wearing glasses he didn’t have on earlier, unlit cigarette dangling from his lips, “Uh, I can explain.”

Oh no, he’s so fuckin’ cute Josuke hollered inwardly. He held his hands up in defense, “Sorry man, didn’t mean to scare ya.” Pulling out his own pack of cigarettes, he sat down beside him on the curb, “Don’t gotta explain anything to me, I love trashy reality shows.”

“You ain’t makin’ fun of me, are ya?” Okuyasu asked, scowling.

“What? Nah, reality shows are the shit. I love binge watching them.” Josuke fished around in his pocket, “You got a lighter?”

As if Okuyasu was trying to divine if Josuke was lying, he stared at him for a few seconds before handing over his lighter, “Jus’ asking. Keicho gives me shit for watching them, but they’re hilarious.”

Josuke lit his cigarette, “Don’t let anyone tell you how to live your life.” Inhale. He gave Okuyasu a serious look, speaking on the exhale and handing his lighter back, “Fuck what he thinks.”

Okuyasu was quiet while he lit up and took a drag. For a moment, Josuke was worried that he had already overstepped his boundaries with someone he literally just met. God, no wonder he didn’t have any friends.

He was snapped out of mentally kicking his own ass when Okuyasu spoke, holding up his right earbud, “Wanna watch with me?”

“Hell yes I do, which episode are you on?”

“The one where Ridickulous shows up—“

“THAT’S MY FAVORITE ONE—“

“DUDE, MINE TOO.”

They ended up talking while watching, not really paying much attention to the show until Ridickulous showed up, which was met with raucous laughter. Josuke learned that Keicho was Okuyasu’s older brother, that the only thing better than chocolate or strawberry ice cream was strawberry ice cream with chocolate chunks, he smoked his cigarettes like he did his joints, he smelled insanely good, most of his tattoos didn’t have much more meaning than “They looked cool as shit when my dude drew them”, and that Okuyasu Nijimura was the most genuine person he had ever met. He was sweet, eager to please, loud, and friendly. Josuke was already dangerously enamored.

Josuke hadn’t even been aware of how much time passed until Koichi came out, “They’re looking for you guys. Keicho’s almost done, so you both need to go to hair and makeup.” Yukako hovered in behind Koichi, her eye’s sliding between Okuyasu and Josuke with a blank expression on her face.

“Shit, I hadn’t even realized,” Josuke stood up and held a hand out to help Okuyasu up, “Let’s go before we get murdered.”

With a grin, Okuyasu took his hand and hopped up, “Yeah, god forbid we disappear for a minute.”

It was hilarious watching Okuyasu, who had never had makeup put on him in all his life, grimace as his face was caked. “This shit smells weird.”

Josuke couldn’t help but cackle while he did his own hair, “Get used to it, dude. This is your life now.”

Makeup finished, Okuyasu got started on his own hair, “Josuke, the least surprisin’ thing you could ever tell me about yourself is the fact that you don’t let anyone else do your hair.” He was fighting with stubborn strands that didn’t want to stay still, “The pomp is cool, you pull it off.”

A quick glance in the mirror told Josuke that he managed to keep his blush to a minimum, “Thanks dude, you got some slick style there yourself.” The shy, pleased grin that crossed Okuyasu’s face was an image he wanted branded to the inside of his eyelids.

Okuyasu was up for pictures first, looking anxious and green. It was clear to Josuke that he had no idea what he was doing. “Dude, just relax!” he shouted, “You’re looking fine!” What he didn’t say was that he meant that two ways. With a slight nod, Okuyasu relaxed slightly, and his pictures started coming out better. Josuke was trying to go for the somewhat disinterested watching, but damn, he couldn’t help but stare. This dude was cute. Out of the corner of his eye, Josuke caught Keicho staring at him again. What was that guy’s deal??

He couldn’t ruminate on an answer, because as soon as he thought that, Yuuya suddenly sat down beside him, causing Josuke to yelp in a totally manly way, “Jesus! You scared the shit out of me!”

“Sorry dude,” Yuuya was eating a leftover taco, “Busy watchin’ the show?” He tilted his head toward the photographer fussing at Okuyasu, shit-eating grin on his face.

Josuke did not like that smug look Yuuya was sporting, “He looks nervous. Jus’ tryin’ to help him out.”

“That’s just how he is,” without looking over his shoulder, Yuuya tossed the taco wrapper behind him, hitting a trashcan, “He doesn’t know how to chill out.”

They sat in silence few a couple of minutes before the eyes Josuke felt on his back were getting on his last goddamned nerve, “Why is that guy staring at me like I murdered everyone he’s ever cared about?”

Yuuya eyed Keicho for a second before shrugging, “That’s just how he is too.”

Before Josuke could even ask what the fuck that even meant, Keicho punched Yuuya’s shoulder as he walked by, “Come on, asshole. It’s time for the cover.”

“Ow, that fuckin’ hurt, dickhead.” Taking his time, Yuuya stood up and stretched, rubbing his punched shoulder. “By the way, Okuyasu’s single,” Yuuya said casually, as if he was answering a question that had been posed.

Josuke sputtered, his face scarlet, “WHAT MAKES YOU THINK—“

Yuuya pointed at his nose, “I got a nose for romance,” and then he dead ass winked at Josuke before walking away. Josuke wondered if he was that obvious. Perhaps that explains why big bro Keicho stared daggers at him. Maybe he needed to work on being subtle, but Higashikata’s were never, ever subtle (thanks mom).

The cover shoot didn’t take too long, much to Josuke’s surpise. Not a whole lot of time passed before it was Josuke’s turn. Okuyasu was dragging his feet, watching intently, while Keicho was demanding they leave. Tonio, bless him, told them that he needed to speak to Koichi about business matters before they left (mercifully saving him from Yukako’s question of “What do you look for in a woman?”) Josuke didn’t know if Tonio was picking up on something, or just making assumptions, but he appreciated it.

When the pictures were mercifully done, Josuke ran to the bathroom real quick to reorient himself, muttering under his breath, “Okay, Higashikata. You got this. You’re cool, suave, and undeniably handsome.” Josuke applied a quick coat of lip gloss before heading back out there, “Get that cute guy’s number.”

After leaving the bathroom, Josuke was greeted to an almost empty room. Okuyasu was nowhere to be found. In fact no one associated with Arrowhead was there; Keicho had muscled them out of the door as soon as Josuke left the room, Koichi helpfully explained, patting Josuke’s shoulder as he felt his confidence leak out of him like a sad balloon.

Josuke pouted the whole way home, and Koichi couldn’t tempt him out of a foul mood. “Josuke, what’s the problem??” Koichi asked, finally fed up with his huffing and sighing, “Why are you like this?”

“Koichi, I’m gay,” Josuke said, head leaned against the window.

“I know this, you’ve told me before. What does that have to do with you sighing like a moody teenager?”

“I was gonna ask Okuyasu for his number, but they left before I could.” He felt like a fucking fool, why did he have to run to the bathroom like a scared baby? It was taking a lot of effort to not punch his own face in. “That Yuuya guy told me he was single and everything. Was I that obvious??”

As they sat at a stoplight, Koichi patted his shoulder, tactfully choosing to not answer the last question, “Don’t sweat it, Hollywood is small. You’ll run into him again.” Actually, Koichi could easily get Okuyasu’s number, but he knew better than to offer. It would only hurt Josuke’s pride.

Josuke shrugged and changed the subject, deciding to throw a pity party for himself later, “So about that Yukako chick…”

Koichi grimaced, “She followed me around the whole time. Asked me how I got such a high powered client when we’re the same age! And a bunch of personal stuff like my underwear size and what kind of man did I consider myself to be.”

“At least she’s cute?” Josuke offered, an apologetic smile on his face.

“She is that…also intense. Very…intense…”

“Did you get her number?”

Koichi sighed as he pulled into Josuke’s driveway, “She took my phone, put her number in it, and then texted herself.”

“Damn,” Josuke snorted with mirth, “Hey man, you might end up getting laid before my dry spell ends. I’m rooting for ya.”

Josuke didn’t need to look at Koichi to know that he was getting a look. He hopped out of the car and waved goodbye as his friend pulled out of the driveway. Upon walking through the front door, he greeted an empty house. “I’m home!” he called out to no one. Josuke really wished his mom hadn’t moved back east, but after his grandfather had that heart attack and refused to move to Los Angeles, someone had to stay with him. He could use advice, and was tempted to call her. No, he was grown ass man. No advice from mom, you die like a man.

…He’ll just call her later.

One shower and ordered pizza later, Josuke laid on his bed, booted up both his laptop and PS4. It was time for Netflix and Learning As Much About Your Crush As Possible. With Netflix on Worst Cook’s in America, pizza in one hand, and beer in the other, he typed in Arrowhead into Google and got to work.

Two hours later, he laid on his bed, hands folded across his chest, and stared at his ceiling, Netflix and pizza forgotten. Arrowhead’s second, self-titled album had been on repeat for the last hour. Metal was never his cup of tea, but Okuyasu’s husky, rough voice made the hair on the back of his neck stand up and chills run down his spine. If he didn’t have it bad for Okuyasu before, he certainly fucking did now. Josuke briefly wondered if this is how he sounded when he woke up in the morning, or when he was needy and wanted—

Josuke promptly rolled over and started screaming into his pillow. Why was he like this?

You’re a fucking mess he thought to himself, You have it bad for a dude who you barely even know, just because the way he sings goes directly to your dick.

“He’s also really hot and nice,” Josuke mumbled aloud. He paused before tearing out of bed, determined to shower, do anything that would get his mind off of Okuyasu. “I also need to stop talking to myself!” he said, ripping his clothes off, jumping into lukewarm water.

After a long, somewhat cold shower, Josuke steeled himself. He was gonna get that fucking number.

[lunnonbridges]

flustered

today was the first day I actually felt flustered and overwhelmed on the floor since it was my first day back in 7 days, and I wasn’t with Autumn bc she had to be with a research patient which is 1:1. I really like the nurse who took me today though so I hold nothing against her and she took time to try to explain things/have me look stuff up if I had a question which was good. I just wasn’t used to working with her the same way I am with Autumn or Sonya. 

The next step for me is to take more complex care patients so that’s what I decided to do and so I took on 2 patients, one male and one female. The female i had before so i knew how she was like but I never had the male pt before and he was just so acute I felt so overwhelmed and I felt like I didnt even know where to start. 

He was not alert and oriented and only responded to painful stimuli and even then barely so hes unable to swallow hence a tube feed so I had to crush all his pills and flush them through his NGT and I hadn’t touched a NGT since like soph year in college so i was like o god i need a refresher bc i literally didnt remember anything which made me frustrated bc I knew i had learned about this before :( and I know that’s not my fault and my nurse knew that but still i Just felt incompetent and flustered bc I felt inadequate and dumb and not progressing. Besides having to maneuver the NGT he only had 1 open line and he received 5 IV Piggyback meds: keppra, micafungin, acyclovir, lasix and vancomycin all of which are incompatible with each other or not tested together aka don’t run them at the same time so all of them were considered “overdue” bc I couldn’t infuse more than one med at a time and each one took at least 1 hour so I had to wait for each one to finish before starting another plus he had to get platelets on that same line after those 5 meds plus some IV push meds and I had to do labs from that line as well when there wasn’t anything running ALL THROUGH ONE SINGLE LINE like ugh I felt like i was always in that room bc as soon as one thing finished another thing came up or had to be done plus he had to be turned every 2 hours and he was incontinent of loose stool x4 so that was hella cleaning and bc hes not alert or oriented to anything he can’t move himself and he’s not slim at all like at least 150% heavier than me so I struggled holding him while someone cleaned him up. Im not mad at him though of course im just frustrated at myself bc I couldn’t seem to get organized to a point where I was content with it plus i just felt like I didn’t know anything and i felt inadequate and slow and inexperienced ugh i hate running around or feeling lost when I know i should do better even tho this was my first time taking care of such an acute onc patient its just tough and tiring and I feel absolutely drained

my lady wasn’t too bad she got HD in the morning though so that threw me off bc I couldnt give any morning meds and that didn't end until like 1430 and most of her meds are BID so there’s another dose in the evening so i was like 1) half her meds are overdue and 2) its kinda close to her evening meds cuz they aren’t 12 hrs apart like theyre supposed to be so i got kinda flustered at that plus i was just so caught up in my other pt’s room i barely had time to see her besides when I had to. I know giving the pills late isn’t my fault bc HD and its restrictions on what meds can be given prior and I documented that so other’s know why they were given off schedule it just bugs me when there’s stuff overdue and I can’t do anything about it bc im a perfectionist and i hate seeing things like that it just irks me and makes me go crazy

today was exhausting and its only day 1/3 ugh 2 more days to go and then i can have a short break until tuesday. i literally feel so worn out and burnt out though after one day ugh i’ve never felt so overwhelmed before during training so ya ugh hopefully tmr is better bc i know what to expect from my dude now that i’ve had him for one full day. I really need to cut myself slack bc i know I did what I could and I couldn’t speed anything up faster than it already could go but still plus I am still in training so they don’t expect me to know everything but still i just felt so flustered bc i hold myself to high standards and when i don’t reach them on my shift it really disappoints me :( wow these super high level acuity patients are worth like 2 patients in itself so ya if i was on my own and i had 3 other patients with him to make 4 total Idk how nurses do it i think id go insane holy

[love-felice]

“hey baby. aren’t you supposed to be at the photoshoot for vogue korea? ...  what’s that? awwwhhh i miss you too, babe. i will see you in 2 days okay. ... yes, yes i’m at the boarding gate already. how was your day? did the shoot go okay? ... did they dress you like a kpop idol? hahahahhaha ... oh is that right? they dressed you like a hip hop rapper instead? hmmmm did you ask them to? ... oh really? so they saw that swag vibe bursting out of you all on their own, huh? ... no, no i’m not making fun of you, baby. you know that youre my favourite rapper and the most swaggerific person i know. ... heeeyy! so what if i dont listen to rap music. does that make my opinion not valid? im hurt. ... swaggerific is too a word! ... fine then. it’s a special word i invented especially for you. dont you feel special now? ... wait honey, theyre announcing something. ah the flight is delayed a little. ... no, no. not very long. just 20 minutes. something about weather delaying incoming flights or something. what are you doing right now? im surprised the shoot ended earlier than scheduled. ... ahhh i see. you ARE an excellent model, honey. i agree. ... yes yes, all those chiseled angles. it’s impossible for you to take a bad photo. ... WHAT? i’m agreeing with you and paying you all these compliments. why are you sulking? ... no. im not rolling my eyes and holding my laughter. why would i. it’s you. dylan wang, my boyfriend of three years. i can laugh at you when i want to. ... YOU LAUGH AT ME ALL THE TIME, DYLAN. ohmygod. i’m gonna start making a list and recording all the times you tease me and laugh at me. ... i love you too, baby. i wish you can come back home with me tonight too. but you’ve wanted to work with that director since you saw train to busan. the fact that you got a meeting with him is HUGE. im so proud of you. we will celebrate at your favourite hotpot place when you get back okay. ... so what are you doing right now? you never answered me. ... you sound like youre in a car. where are you going? ... oh why are you getting dinner this late? ... dylan, you know i dont like you to miss meals. youre so thin already. we’re gonna look like the number 10 next to each other if you get any skinnier. ...  yes we do. ... im not blind, dylan. i can see what we look like in the mirror. ... no, i havent been reading comments online again. ... just, please eat okay. i dont want you to get sick. ... awh baby, of course i know you love how i look. i love you just the way you are too. i’m sorry i said youre too skinny. i dont know why i said that. ... no, i swear im not dizzy coz i skipped meals again. i promised you i’m not gonna do that anymore and i’m keeping my promise. ... yes, baby. i do know you love me from the tips of my hair to the end of my toes. you’re so romantic. thats why i love you so much. ... are you at the restaurant yet? why is it so noisy? .. what restaurant has a pa system? wait are you at the airport? wang hedi! why are you at the airport? where are you going? ... no, dont lie to me. thats clearly an aiport pa system. ... stop it, Di. I AM AT THE AIRPORT TOO I KNOW WHAT THEIR ANNOUNCEMENTS SOUND LIKE. wait, are you here? ARE YOU COMING HOME WITH ME?! ... oh. you’re at gimpo. ... why did they move the meeting to jeju? ... ah thats where the meeting has been all along? why didnt you tell me? ... of course im gonna be worried that you’ll be exhausted but i’m not gonna stop you, di. i already told you i know how much this meeting means for you. ... i would probably just postpone going back so i could go with you to jeju. ,,, yes, see, you shouldve told me. we could be flying together to asia’s hawaii right now. SERVES YOU RIGHT FOR LYING TO ME, BUDDY! ... okay baby. i’ll talk to you later. if my phone’s off, then that means i’m already boarding okay. ... well, you never know how long those security lines are it might take you a long time. ... oh. how did you get to the front of the line so fast? ... okay then i’ll just hold while you go through the check. ............... 

yeah, baby i’m still here. no, no boarding announcement yet. i think it’s gonna be a while. ... are you boarding soon? what time is your flight? ... oh so you have some time to kill. wait baby so did you eat dinner or not? were you just lying about going to a restaurant? ... are you telling the truth? you really ate? really, REALLY? ... okay then. ... are you nervous about the meeting tomorrow? ... oh dont be, honey. you can charm the pants off anyone. yes, yes, you definitely charmed my pant-- okay fine, AND panties, off. no need to sound so smug, you manchild. ... wait you’re breaking off. okay i can hear you again. ... wait, now i hear an echo. ... what? what do you mean turn around? dont tell me ... omg why are you here? WHY ARE YOU KNEELING!“

“shen yue, my buddy, i’ve loved you since the moment i first saw you laugh.  the thought of not seeing you for a day already made me go a little crazy. if i can’t even go a day without seeing you, i figure i should make sure that day never happens. will you take pity on me and be my lifelong buddy?”

[spilling-thoughts-blog1]

a collection of my honest (yet irrelevant) thoughts. | wednesday 8/30/2017 |

current adventure: college. 

I feel stupid sitting on a bench on campus writing a post to (possibly) nobody; but after 3 classes (with another one today) spanning these first three days of college, I feel like I need to write it out. crying can only relieve so much in all honesty. so emo, my apologies. 

classes started Monday, 8/28/30 and from the moment I woke up on Sunday, I've felt so empty and drained despite only taking two hour-and-twenty-minute long classes. Monday was okay. Class let out 30 minutes early, and since it was my only class of the day I walked a few blocks down to Girlfriend’s campus. Her school is insanely nice, just my style. Very industrial, modern, and taken care of. A drastic difference to my school. 

Its dirty and old (not a cute-worn though, it just looks like it hasnt been taken care of) and the kids are crusty bums. Granted, Girlfriend’s school has weirdos, lots of them, but theres a sense of safety because you know they won't try to shank you if you bump them! I don't have that luxury here. Her school is a private art school, mine is just the local community college. gotta save those dollars.

Anyways. On Monday I sat on a bench (at Girlfriend’s school,) similar to this one, but I had the grass next to me instead of the dirt and sticks here and a young guy was cutting the lawn and it was quiet (aside from the lawnmower) and pretty and I felt like I was at home. The guy was nice, he felt bad asking me to move for a second so he could cut the grass next to me. If I was at my school I bet they would have just mowed right over my folders. Girlfriend got out of class after about an hour of me sitting on her campus and I got to see her for a few minutes, really the only other time I’ve seen her aside from the 20 minute car ride to school (which is two days a week keep in mind.) 

We used to hang out everyday. Senior year was the best because I got to see her during practically every period (1st, 2nd, 5th, 6th, 7th, 8th actually... that is a lot lol) and then we would hang out after school. Perk of your girlfriend not driving- you have an excuse to see her more often; she has to run errands, she needs a ride home, she needs a ride to, etc etc. 

The smell of funnel cake keeps distracting me. I don't think theres any funnel cake, it just smells fried and sweet because the cafeteria is behind me and I'm getting hungry for the first time this week.

Not seeing her is one of the shittiest parts of college so far. I really miss her. Her classes are super long, each one at least 2 hours long I believe, and even though our schools are less than a 10 minute walk from each other, I can't see her because when she gets out of class, I'm just going into class. I also hate not seeing any familiar faces. Yeah, you have to make friends blah blah blah, but its a shock going from my nice high school with students I’d gone to school with since middle school; some even elementary school to this. sounds privileged, in know... I don't know why it keeps surprising me as well seeing full on adults walking into classes. Good for them though. 

My next class starts in 40 minutes (at 11:00 and its 10:17) but I’ll probably head up in a few. It’s a 2 hour and 50 minute class and I didn't bring any of the 6 books we have to read because I already had my two English books and I didn't want to lug 8 novels around in my backpack, especially since we haven't needed any of our books on the first day. But then again, its a 3 hour class and I doubt we’ll get out that early. 

Ew it smells like kerosene... not my favorite smell by far. They're setting up lame tables and tents and “Week of Welcome” activities. Will I participate? no. Am I the cause of my misery and tears thus far? Mostly. 

I read up on all of my professors I could find on “rate my professor” and this next one seems super fun. He has like, 4.4/5 review and apparently he's hot. everyone said his class is easy too which is a bonus. The reviews weren't too wrong about my Comp 2 professor, they didn't speak too highly of her. Right now I'm not a fan. She comes to class 5 minutes before it begins and seems very disorganized. I really don't like that. My Psych teacher is an absolute loon, but I feel like thats to be expected from a community college psychology professor. No offense if thats what you want to be, or if your favorite professor (or family member) is one. Just my honest thoughts. 

The sun came out, thats nice. Eases my anxiety a little bit when its nice out. 

Jesus Christ (pardon my language if it offends you) Chris brown just started blaring out of the welcome week speakers. they're trying to make this shitty cheap ass campus a party. no thank you. “now everybody put your hands in the air. yeah yeah yeah.” its lit. sense the sarcasm.

Hopefully this class will be better and when I get home (1:50 can't come soon enough) the feeling of empty darkness inside of me that has lingered for the past 3 days will subside a little bit. I won't get my hopes up. I should start a tear jar, a warning to seniors.

WHEN I SAY I WANT TO SEE FAMILIAR FACES I DONT MEAN THE CRUSTY MEAN FUCKBOYS I WENT TO HIGH SCHOOL WITH. I WANT TO SEE MY FRIENDS; OH WAIT, THEYRE ALL OVER ACHIEVERS AND NICE KIDS AND ARE AWAY AT SCHOOLS LIVING FUN LIVES AND BEING HAPPY, OR AT PRIVATE SCHOOLS RIGHT DOWN THE STREET BUSY DOING AMAZING ART. now its glamorous. good thing Fergie spells G-L-A-M-O-R-O-U-S because I don't think half of these kids can.

its been a while, its almost 5:30 now. my 3 hour class was boring as hell. he is not hot, nor young and he was 5 minutes late to class. you can hear him suck back his snot every few minutes and choke on it a little. but his class will be easy so thats great. I'm just questioning whether I need it or not. 

I haven't cried yet today, we’ll see how I feel later though. I miss Girlfriend. She’ll be home soon but I’ll bet you she’ll have to eat dinner as soon as she gets home, and then she’ll start her homework. nobody disrupts her art, not even me so I'll get to talk to her before bed for a few before I pass out at 10:00. It sucks because I was supposed to see Her Friday after my morning class ends, because she doesn't have class but then my new manager asked if I could come in. so instead of finally spending a day with her I'll be getting trained. my old manager is starting at the new store which is why I'm coming with him, but he has to get trained first, so really, its like starting a new job completely. I don't know why I decided it would be a good idea to switch jobs the first week of school. granted, there was no way in hell I would have stayed at my old job. I just should have waited until this first God awful week was over. but thats just my luck. 

Im always so tired now. I say always like its been a few weeks of school when really its been 4 days. mom asked if I wanted to go on a walk with the family, and of course I said no. “it’ll be good for your mental health” ahh I see, she can see me slowly slipping downhill again and wants to prevent it. well, I don't think a walk is going to make me feel much better about the fact that my school is dirty and the hallway I was in for my last class smelled horrible, which obviously worsened my mood, and the added fact that I'm starting a new job this week and don't know what I should wear. oh, and the other fact that I don't get to see my girlfriend anymore already and its only been 4 days. 

I had a bad feeling when She had her orientation and made her schedule. I new going to different schools would be horrible, but I didn't realize it would be like this. she's actually having fun and enjoying herself and making a few friends, and then theres me and I'm miserable and still have yet to speak to anyone really and she can't text in class when I'm out of class and I can't text in class when she's out. so thats great. I'm just waiting for the day she says someones flirting with her and she doesn't hate it. perks of dating a poly. I can't say no and deny her, especially when I'm not doing anything for her, or even seeing her, when someone else sees her almost every day. here come the watery eyes. plus, those kids are so much like her, they share her biggest passion. She always says she could never date someone who does what she does because it would be too much competition, but I feel like she's going to meet a photographer or videographer and it’ll be different enough to not impede on her talent, but it'll be similar enough that it’s great conversation and bonding. I'm just a jealous girlfriend, and college for us is looking to be the way I thought it would.

so, a summery for my future self who doesn't want to listen to this pity party:

Wednesday august 30, 2017. college sucks, I cry everyday, I hate my cheap dirty school and lame ass professors, I hardly see Girlfriend already, her experience is going great and I’m stressed af about starting a new job. countdown to the end of the semester-  74 days, 15 weeks, roughly 3.75 months, aka, too long to keep doing this shit.