#but it is the squishmallow of our dreams | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

ineedjesusverymuch · 9 days

Text

Diabolik lovers headcanons pt. 4

Hi! After that huge response my other post got, I decided to write more/be more active on here. I really enjoy writing my thoughts on just about anything regarding dl out and it makes me happy that so many people liked my post!

Although that big of a response was quite a shock. Seemed that I did not, in fact, yell into the void that time :).

Though I am not sure if that post did anything different, I'll continue posting on here no matter how big the response is. If I can make even one person happy with those posts, (including me) I'll keep on writing those silly headcanons of vampires that do not exist. :)

I am going to focus more on the mukamis and Yui in this post since the last one was almost only the Sakamakis.

⚠anything triggering will be marked like this: ❗trigger❗

⚠I am going to briefly discuss childhood trauma and depression.

As always, I'll try to stay at least a little bit true to the source material.

Asks are always appreciated!

This time, I rambled quite a bit about Azusa ':)

headcanons under the cut⬇

Firstly, Yui. Our dear heroine who deserves just about everything!

Really good at dancing those old, classical ballroom dances. She had a few lessons by Ayato (who spent the entire time giving his best not stomping on Yui's feet) and Reiji (whose lesson was the most horrifying experience she had ever had)

After those lessons, she refined her skills. Ayato is quite a good dancer, so she had someone to practice with.

Her best dances are waltz and rumba

Ayato is literally not physically able to stop watching her when dancing together. Never has he seen someone that beautiful (I stand by Ayato being totally besottet by Yui)

Her style is so coquetteish, old fairy tale princess, etherial soul, cottage core - genuinely dresses like a pinterest board

Really fcking pretty??? I don't get why the boys humble her all the time

Immune to pretty boys/play boys. She has seen it all.

really adores bunnies. Lionheads? She'd like a dozen of them.

Had at one point a guinea pig. It died and her father buried it and told her that a fairy had taken it to be her loyal companion. Yui believed it until she was like 16 years.

Her hair has those light curls and feels like the softest thing ever

The clasp in her hair is not the only flowery hair adornment she has, Yui loves to wear different clasps on special occasions

Definitely got gifted a hair pin with rose details from Subaru at one point

Best friends with Subaru. They like to spend quality time caring for his flowers and Yui is allowed to brush his hair on tare occasions.

Shu tried to teach her the violin once and she was horrible at it (but flute was her thing)

Has those shirts with horribly kitsch prints on them but no one says anything to her because she loves them so much

She has thought a lot about her faith since being with the Sakamakis. Read a lot about her god and the different religions.

Has though about studying theology and psychology in University

collects squishmallows

wears those light perfumes that smell like vanilla and flowers occasionally

Everyone turns their head when they first see Yui

Etherial beauty

Smells like vanilla. It's because she uses those body lotions and a lightly scented hair mist

Ayato goes mad at the smell

Ayato genuinely loves Yui. Just her, living her life. He adores her.

Also; Ayato is a himbo.

Dumb and dumber duo

Subaru teaches her material art as defense for anything coming at her

Natural at fighting

Decked Ayato in the face once as he materialized out of thin air behind her

Knocked him unconscious

Laito laughed for literal hours at the though of Ayato getting knocked out by Yui

Her dream is living in peace with eveyone she loves

Had an actual talk with Ayato at some point. They are a healthy couple now (No, I do not care about the canon. They're in love your highness)

Goes to therapy. She decided to after nightmares regarding her early days with the boys

Also, scared that Cordelia will come back at one point and take her body over completely

Yui is the nicest person ever

Will talk with you about everything you'd like

Gentle soul.

Gives great hugs?? Knows how to comfort someone who's feeling bad

She's not only good at baking but also at making those highly decorated cakes and cupcakes. Kanato begs her for themed cupcakes as soon as autumn starts and Halloween decorations appear

next, Ruki.

Eats way too much dark chocolate

We're talking about two entire bars minimum a day

Coffee junkie

Has a disproportionately large consume of anything caffeinated

Wears the same crusty, dry eyeliner since 1990

Refuses to buy a new one since "the old one still works" (it does not)

flirts with Reiji. Its so obvious that even Yuma has realized it

(Reiji is oblivious to it)

Academically speaking, really good at the natural sciences.

Fcking sucks at english though

Studies quite a lot, Ruki despises being on the same level as Reiji

Bad loser

Will be sulky after losing a game of Uno

Definitely cheats at card games

Really good at annoying Reiji. It's such a high level of annoying, he could give courses on the matter

Really good older brother

Checks on the other Mukami brothers when Ruki sees them struggeling with their pasts

Will check in every night if Azusa or Kou are plagued by nightmares

Has nightmares about the orphanage

❗sometimes wakes up scared that his brothers are actually dead and can only calm down after checking that each one is still alive

❗Definitely scared of anything happening to his brothers, he has panic attacks just thinking about that night

reads self help books

Has at least one "how to raise unruly children" book on his shelves

Culinary mastermind

But also makes the weirdest combinations of foods? Why would anyone like to taste jam with cucumbers and pepper????

now, Kou

Likes those really creepy stuffed toys

really good at drawing winged eyeliner

Has worn pink mascara and it looked so fcking good???

Hugest crush on Subaru

Flirts with him but the dear boy does not recognize romantic affection even when it slaps him in the face

Almost fainted riding the first time on Subaru's motorcycle

The scariest thing since really long

Wears really dangly, long earrings

With the weirdest motifs

Has one pair that has clams that can open. The pearls inside them glow in the dark.

his stomach is a bottomless pit. The first time he came over to spend a night at the Sakamaki's, Reiji was genuinely afraid that they had nit enough food to last to breakfast

Laito and he binged the Kardashians

Loves gossip. Knows everything about everyone

Makes rad nail art

Loves styling Azusa. Its their quality time, combined with trying those really spicy crisps

huge energy drink consumer

Helps him trough those sleepless nights were Kou stays up and chats with Laito the whole night through the phone

quite good at learning historical facts

Due to Kou's eye, he can see truths and lies in humans. But he is also really good at deciphering the human psyche.

Doesn't always use his eye. Sometimes, just Kou's knowledge of psychology is enough to recognize lies

There are some headcanons that Kou is italian. I agree with that. I can really image him enjoying the culture and the food. Also, I read a headcanon once that Kou's real name was Emilio. (If someone knows the name of the OP, please tell me)

Now, our vegetable freak: Yuma!

loves scrunchies and hair claw clips

Got one from Kanato once and uses them since

Also, I propose: Yuma with those hair claw clips in butterfly shape. Gifted by Kou as a joke

but now, he always wears them

Kanato braids his hair in really elaborate hair styles. Bridal style vibes. Kou thinks its the funniest thing ever

Shu loves toying with his hair when bored. It's just so soft and smells really good (Yuma uses Kou's shampoo on the regular. It causes quite a lot of fights)

took 1 (one) "Am I Gay" quiz. It came out a hundred percent positive. The next day, he confessed to Shu. They've been together ever since

Feeds the birds on the porch of their house every morning, together with Azusa

Actually really educated about current politics (at least the ones in Romania. But knows quite a lot about the USA and Japan, too)

Will start fights with Ruki about politics during dinner

If you ever want to hear angry romanian yelling, just go to the Mukami house during elections

Cares for every houseplant in their house

Brings at least two new plants per week at home. Ruki is on the brink of forbidding Yuma from accessing his monthly allowance

wears really shitty clothes. I'm talking thousand times stitched together trousers. They look like potatoes sacks but he refuses to get new ones

Has a toolbelt that looks atrocious

He wears it almost every day

The dirtiest shoes known to mankind

So dirty with soil and just about anything you can find in nature

Ruki gets daily aggressions about the spots on their carpet, since Yuma thinks changing shoes just for going inside is stupid

Wears the most amazing eyeliner but it is actually just old as fuck eyeshadow and mascara

He makes it look good

Has the longest lashes known to humankind

Brown skin due to being outside so much

Disneyprincess in secret

loves those huge dogs

now, Azusa!!

jesus that boy can be seductive

No, I wont elaborate

That was a lie, I will elaborate on anything with Azusa. He has the art of subtle flirting refined to mastery

Tried to flirt with Kanato. But Kanato thought he was being made fun of

Great at subtle makeup

Also; great dancer. Especially latin dances such as cha-cha-cha or salsa

He has those hips (breedable, as some folks would say)

Canonically doesn't like peppers

That doesn't apply to stuffed peppers with spices though

Great at remembering faces, not so great at remembering names

Can draw and paint and do art so good????

God of art

Not god of natural sciences though

Is doing alright at school but doesn't like the education system

Speaks not only romani and japanese but also a bit of English (and has the thickest british accent. No one knows where it is from and Azusa refuses to tell them that it is from watching Harry potter so often)

Colours his hair in a blue-black colour to give it more depth sometimes

Wears very pretty, light blue-ish glitter on the inner eye corner sometimes

So beautiful eyes??

Long, dark lashes

Likes to wear a bit of mascara

Naturally a defined jawline and straight nose

But a bit chubby cheeks

Is very pale but tans quite a but when longer outside in the summer. But dues to his sensitivity to heat, he'd rather stay inside

His eyes have a bit of an almond form, which gives them a sharp look, but still quite big

Azusa likes to wear too big clothes, especially hoodies and sweaters from Ruki and Yuma.

Also, cargo pants. The wide ones

Combat boots are a staple in his closet

Loves plateau boots and sneakers

Converse all stars are his to go shoes if no plateau boot is available

The shoes size him up quite a bit so the first time he met the Sakamakis, they all thought he was quite big. They all were surprised as they arrived at the Mukami home and Azusa just shrinked a few inches

Paints his fingernails in hope that he doesn't chew on them that much if they're pretty and colorful

Cuts his hair himself because he feels that his slow manner of speech annoys the staff in hair salons

But he likes the choppy style so its not as big of a problem for him

❗has a problem coping with what happened in his childhood. He canonically sh, but has frequent anxienty attacks too.

Due to that, he has a few weightened blankets and lots of pillows on his bed to simulate the feeling of getting hugged

Big hugger

His love language is physical touch

bug lover

Has a really cool sweater with the life cycle of a frog

That was it, actually. I rambled quite a bit about Azusa but I still hope you'll like it.

I hope I was able to make your day a bit better.

If you have any requests, just ask!

Thank you for reading all of that. I really appreciate you! I hope you'll have an amazing day/night!

48 notes · View notes

stardestroyer81 · 3 months

Text

Nearly four years ago, long before you could find them just about anywhere, I found a post praising the plague doctor Squishmallow, jokingly calling it 'bingus'. Jokingly— and as a byproduct of being in my plague doctor phase at the time— I quipped that if I ever wound up finding one, I would name it Dr. B. Ingus.

Fast forward to 2024, and not only does the real Dr. B. Ingus now reside on my bed, I've also finally concocted an original design for the brilliant plague doctor turned plushie, largely in part of being invited to a plague doctor community on tumblr! 💜🖤💜

(If you would like to read a brief explanation on how Quincy T. Page's mentor now assumes a plush form, check underneath the cut for a bit of lore!)

Dr. Brenius Hildegard Ingus, better known as 'Doctor B. Ingus' or even simply 'Dr. B.' was once a standard plague doctor... for lack of a better term. Ever since his youth, he knew he wished to pursue a career in tending to patients, and he would make good on this dream once our nation found itself plagued with a contagion most potent... the Everdark Plague.

Brenius spent every waking moment of his corporeal life formulating a cure, though as the years went on, he feared that old age would put an end to his research, effectively doing away with everything he had done to rid of the Everdark Plague. However, Brenius— ever steadfast— made a vow that not even death could stop his heroic efforts.

Somehow, a deal is made, and Brenius' soul is set free from his mortal vessel, allowing him all the time in the world to continue his studies... at the hefty cost of immortality. Ever selfless, he hires a local toy maker to create a new vessel to store his restless soul in; a charming plush toy designed in his likeness. While it takes a while to get used to his new form, Brenius resumes his studies in secrecy as though nothing out of the ordinary had happened, now vowing to only speak to plague doctors he trusts with his studies.

Personality-wise, Dr. Brenius is a very well-spoken, considerable and sophisticated man in spite of his now-smaller stature. In his past life, he was quite the fashion aficionado, and collected headgear of all kinds to top off his outfit, his current hat he immortalized himself with being his favorite.

#⭐ Star's Art ⭐#Star's OCs #A Flock of Docs #Dr. Brenius Ingus #Dr. B. Ingus #Plague Doctor OC #Plague Doctor Art #Plague Doctor #Reference Sheet #Medibang Paint Pro #Coolness #I'm no stranger to the concept of taking a simple joke and building upon it to make it into something you can take seriously...#... though I think this is the furthest I have EVER taken a joke XD #In a way this is also what I'm calling the most 'long-awaited post' on my tumblr blog... this is a design four years in the making #Seeing as the plague doctors of tumblr were kind enough to find me worthy of joining their community... the timing couldn't be better!#As of a few days ago I've resumed work on conceptualizing characters and hammering out a story for my series 'A Flock of Docs'#Which— appropriately— stars my plaguesona Quinn as well as Dr. Brenius. Even Patricia will be there! Anybody remember her?#That said I am incredibly proud of this design. It took longer than it should have to convey how he looked in my head into a drawing...#... though the turnout is everything I wanted it to be! 💙🏳️‍⚧️✨

18 notes · View notes

that-sweet-almond · 4 months

Text

The Story That Wrote Itself

@dukexietyweek 2024 Day 7 - Supervillain + Stuffed Animals

Word Count: 6122 (Ao3)

Rating: T

Characters: Remus, Virgil, Janus, Mrs. FluffyBottoms

Pairing: Dukexiety

Warnings: spiders, sexual dialogue, self aware narrator, Villain Janus, mentions of violence; i really dont know if I'm missing anything

Taking upon himself to tell the tale of how Duke defeated the slithering villain terrorizing this realm and the next, our smart, ambitious narrator recounts his most harrowing adventure yet using a whole lot of inappropriate language, in this refreshing new take on expectations and how to (not) write for a prompt fill.

Once upon a time, in a land far far away, there was a kingdom made of stitches and magic, and that nameless kingdom was ruled by a small stuffed pickle. Yes, you read that correctly. Standing at a proud 12 inches in height, Duke was the chosen name of the squishmallow that the narrator was only now realizing didn’t fit the prompt he was trying to complete, so he was now retroactively deciding that, deep down, this little ball of delightful softness had been a raccoon or a skunk before being cursed to live the life of a boringly shaped plushie. Duke was certainly much more special than an uninteresting collector’s item bound to spend his shortly numbered years choking on dust. To prove his uniqueness and originality, he had a charming brown mustache that he had personally sewn into the green fabric of his velvety body, and all of the deliciousness of a real pickle, if you liked to sink your teeth into that kind of thing. His insides were pillowy and pure, and the marks of his curation were tattooed into his skin with carefully placed embroidered lines, following the curves of his naturally round body. Lastly, a dashing stem sat at the top of his head, curled handsomely to compliment his permanent winking face.

Before his rise to fame, Duke was nothing more than a pickle with a dream, which only made him an even more special toy in that sense: he wished to be cuddled by the broodiest, most frightening knight of all the land, a tall human with vibrant purple hair. You see, he was from another realm, a dark chasm many moons away from the Duke’s hometown, a place from where no other plushie had ever returned, and with no legs to allow him to embark on such a journey, the pickle could only fantasize about seeing his fair complexion once he came to visit their brightly lit country.

Mrs. FluffyBottoms, the floppy bunny that had come to be their president, was always greeted by the tall human whenever he appeared to cloud their twinkling lights, but it wasn’t without a price. Love had worn through the stitches of their limbs, darkened her once white fur, and Duke shivered at the thought of being so obviously cherished by the knight’s large, crushing arms, so visibly claimed to anyone that put their buttons on his rounded figure.

Of course, not every plushie agreed with him, and the public opinion of the dark emo met its demise one later afternoon. Mrs. FluffyBottoms was one of their oldest members, a stuffy that had stopped being produced somewhere in the 80’s, and in a town composed mostly of younger, softer citizens, her old years stuck out like a stained paw. Her stuffing was beat up and frail, gathered on her fingerless hands and feet for stability, but their movements were getting more and more clumsy each day, and everyone knew they wouldn’t last much longer.

And then his muse had appeared, like a storm cloud on a hot summer day. Muttering inaudible grumbles to the other plushies of their realm, he had swiftly captured Mrs. FluffyBottoms, wrapping his long, pale fingers around her emptying torso, only to melt himself into the blades of the carpet, taking her down the portal only the humans could access. Chaos ruled for many days, their president’s kidnapping affecting the older plushies the hardest, thinking they were to be next, their sleeping hours haunted by the thoughts of what the villain’s hands would do to them, but the sexy pickle knew better. Trusting in the tall human with all of the magic stored in his white insides, Duke had awaited by the outskirts of town for his return, secretly cursing Mrs. FluffyBottoms for taking his rightful place.

When all hope was lost, a man had come to appease the gentry. He was different from his dark knight, his voice higher and more gentle, eyes framed with glass and body decorated by the colors of the human skies. For these attributes, Chocolate, a tiny stuffed puppy, had deemed this fellow their temporary leader, the carrier of a prophecy, and the collective hatred and delirium of the plushies of the town had somehow created an epic story about how one of them would soon be selected to save their lives from the tyranny of Mrs. FluffyBottoms’ kidnapper.

Duke paid them no mind, impatiently spending his days looking out into the horizon, past their mountainous book piles and the wooden gateway that led to his knight’s realm, longing for the day when he would arrive to whisk him away too.

It was one such day, his pickle body full of aching at the thought of never seeing him again, when the prophecy came true.

The lights were out in their little town, which meant many toys were sleeping, except for our beloved food shaped stuffie. Stubbornly awaiting by the outskirts of the realm, Duke wobbled in place, thinking about how to overcome his massive boredom. Most of the other plushies didn’t enjoy his company, and it was only partially because he had no mouth that he could use to communicate with them. In his most desperate moments, Duke was known to get awfully chummy with anything sharp enough to cut through fabric, but fate always stopped him before he could tear a speaking hole through his own face, usually in the form of their savior rolling around and stealing the pair of scissors or the pocket knife that Duke had already stollen from him to begin with.

Once you were known for your mildly creepy, silent antics, there was really no going back.

Casting his single eye upon the closed gateway, Duke wondered about the other realms of their world for what felt like the millionth time. The humans ought to take it for granted, exploring distances that would take him days of travel, and although he could not feel exhaustion, on the count of not having any muscles, tedium sounded just as painful as the figurative leg cramps.

Distracting him from the phantom sensation of curling and uncurling one’s toes, Duke suddenly caught sight of a shadow moving just out of the corner of his eye. As he turned to inspect it, the darkness stilled, leaving his pickle body feeling restless and uneasy; emotions that could not help him as he was inevitably attacked. His assailant, as black as the night, aimed right for his face, and Duke thought to scream in his overly conscious mind, as if anyone could hear him besides himself. It was an amazing outlet for the growing tension nestling inside his cushy insides.

- Keep it down, will you? – hissed the jumping shadow, several soft paws sticking to his fabric.

Oh Gods, you can hear me?!, Duke immediately squealed to himself, high on delirious adrenaline, Before my power runs dry, I want a mouth and a seven inch—

- Shh! – demanded the infinite darkness that was still clinging to his face. – I’m just me, I’m not—I’m not a God, let alone several.

Oh.

He couldn’t help but be a little disappointed about that.

You know no one else can hear me, right? You should really think twice before picking your targets.

- Targets? Plural?

Well, you’re covering my eye for a reason, aren’t you?

- Sure, let’s go with that – something brushed against Duke’s forehead, a suspiciously skittish energy sparking from the other’s repetitive movements. – I just need some information. I wasn’t trying to go for your eye…

And with that short explanation, the shadow crawled upwards, comfortably resting on top of the pickle’s head and granting him back his vision.

- That old bunny that is always around, has it returned?

Old bunny? You mean Mrs. Fluffybottoms?

- … what kind of a name is—Why am I asking, I don’t care – the multiple paws resting where Duke’s eye couldn’t reach shuffled around, barely weighting enough for his squishy body to sag. – Yes, I guess I mean her.

Well, I haven’t seen her, the plushie answered, doing his best to mimic what his voice might sound like if he had shoulders that he could shrug with. A sexy human showed up and whisked her away! I’ve been waiting for him to come back, actually.

A prolonged silence followed Duke’s incredibly useful and honest answer, and if the narrator had to guess, it was because Mister Fuzzy Paws was far too impressed by his story telling abilities to immediately remember how to speak before such grandiosity.

Finally, just as the little pickle gathered his focus to think another line of dialogue, the shadow spoke up.

- She’s not in his room. I was hoping she would have walked by her own foot back to her house…

Either she got lost on the way or they were kidnapped again.

- Again? No, I didn’t—I mean, t-the human told her where they were going.

He did??

- What’s this about kidnapping… Why can’t I have a moment of peace.

His unaddressed mumbling clearly wasn’t trying to evoke an actual answer from Duke, but this was the longest anyone had spoken to him in weeks, and the rush of happiness bouncing around his soft insides had him too giddy to remain quiet.

What’s your name? Mine is Duke. I was found on a parking lot by the side of a busy road during a thunderstorm. My story before that was pretty boring, actually. I think I was being sold at a Target before—

- Woah, slow down, I can barely understand you – the multiple points of contact between them detached and attached to him just as restlessly as Duke’s plushy guts were feeling, like thousands of micro head pats moving with the intent of calming the both of them down. – What do you even want my name for?

Well, we’re buddies now! I can’t keep calling you a shadow.

- Shadow? I’m not even—

What are you then? I can’t exactly tilt my head back, make you fall and then bend over you so that my eye can see your likeness. I mean, I can, but I don’t want to.

- How generous of you… – the not shadow scoffed.

You’re evading my questions! I answered yours, you gotta answer mine.

- Okay, okay, jeez…

Falling silent after relenting, his new friend ever so gently crawled down the right side of his body, his stiff fur brushing against his velvety fabric, until all of his paws were on the carpet, a single second of silence stretching out between them until the eagerness overcame everyone’s favorite Duke. His dismounted buddy had front row seats for all the wonderous ways in which his sexy pickle could move, his jaunty twists and vigorous jumps turning his soft body around until he was face to face with the other.

Eight beady eyes shimmered in the darkness, attached to an unmoving, surprisingly hairy creature. It was not a toy, Duke could tell as much, but exactly what it was, he didn’t have a clue. Short in height but large in length, his nameless companion easily blended with the background of their nightly realm, the color of his body nowhere near as flashy as Duke’s vibrant green goodness. Further focusing on his features, the pickle could pick apart his multiple paws, counting at least ten long limbs, until the two dangling from what was probably his face shifted, as if brushing against each other, and something about the gesture discarded that kind of characterization for those two specific appendages.

Something to ask about when he wasn’t so utterly mesmerized by the sight in front of him.

- I’m… I’m a tarantula.

What’s that?

- Uhm, it’s like. It’s like a hairy spider.

Ooh!, Duke bounced in place, his very smart brain recognizing that word, The savior hates those, you better be careful.

- The savior? – the tarantula asked, his paws tucking closer to his torso.

Yea! He’s the tall human that talks to us sometimes. He controls our sun and has been ruling over the land ever since Mrs. Fluffybottoms got taken.

- Good thing the “sun” is out then…

How he went about signaling quotation marks with just his mouth, the narrator has no idea, but it is a fact that it happened, and that this story is all the more believable because of it. You cannot not trust the writer’s word on this. Even if it was too dark for him to see what was going on.

Don’t worry about the big guy, he wouldn’t hurt a fly! At least not intentionally. He couldn’t help himself once, and I saw him grabbing one with his tongue, but he was so upset about it afterwards that he hugged all of us! Even me!!

- That’s, uh… That’s reassuring, I guess.

And I could protect you, in a pinch. I know this town like the back of my hand!

- You don’t have hands.

Would you have preferred if I said that I know it like the back of my ass? Cuz that’s what I wanted to go with, but it’s too dark to see if your reaction to it would be funny.

- And too dark to see your ass – the spider grumbled, clearly displeased with the idea.

In truth, the darkness was not an issue, because everybody knows tarantulas were the most active at night, so the question was not if he could see it, but why he wasn’t reacting to the fact that the squishy pickle had butt cheeks.

So yea, it was dark, but it hardly mattered. Unless they suddenly embarked on a quest to rescue Mrs. Fluffybottoms. With Duke’s general lack of body parts that could sense pain and his buddy’s feisty persona, they would be an unstoppable duo. Of course, that’s where the plot was headed, once these two stop trying to take over their own predetermined destiny.

But narrator, I hear you ask, how is any of this possible? How is a spider talking, and how is a squishmallow communicating telepathically? And to that I say, you’re the one that clicked on this story, so you don’t get to question the crazy expressions of creativity!

On a lighter note, how else would this narrative unfold? How would we ever know what drives our delicious pickle forward? I can only do so much, recounting his tale and transcribing his thoughts. The rest is magic, embedded onto the fibers of his being, from that pesky curse that I told you about at the beginning! See, I knew I’d make it come full circle.

- Anyways, I really have no reason to stick around, so… I better get going.

Something close to panic clawed low on Duke’s plushie insides.

Wait, why are you leaving?! Weren’t you looking for Mrs. Fluffybottoms??

- And I am – the tarantula shifted around, and only then did the pickle realize that he had yet to be given a name. – But she’s not here, so like I said. No reason to stick around.

Can you take me with you? Duke twisted into himself, hopping a few inches closer to his fleeing friend. You might have to carry me if you’re in a hurry, but I’m really light. I barely weight a thing!

- And why would I do that?

Because we’re friends now. Because I don’t want to be abandoned this quickly ever again. Sad, pitying notions for such a graceful little stuffy, but something that was also threated into the fibers of his being, alongside that magic. One might say it was the reason why it was cast in the first place.

Well, you clearly don’t know what you’re doing. You didn’t even know her name! How are you going to find her if you don’t know where to look for?

- I know where to look, that’s why I’m here – the spider growled, defensive of his methods despite the obvious flaws they held. – I don’t need your help.

What if you wanted my help? Hm? I know I want to offer it.

Duke skipped closer to the disgruntled tarantula, following after his scramming paws.

- I’m good, thanks.

What about a travel buddy? A walking tune singer? You don’t even have to pay me!

- I don’t have money, even if you did deserve to get paid.

So you recognize my services are worthy a penny!, Duke excitedly counteracted, And! Mrs. Fluffbottoms is like me. Her mouth is a line of stitches that she can’t open, so she talks through gestures. You’ll need a translator once we find her.

- Are you serious? – the spider sighed, which was an incredibly impressive feat since Duke didn’t know he had lungs, and finally stopped walking, sparing him a few short seconds to catch up.

I swear on my stem!

His eight black eyes did not blink, or move, from what Duke was able tell, but he could feel the tarantula’s gaze scanning him up and down, goosebumps breaking through his smooth fabric like hands changing the direction of his filaments, leaving his body rough and patchy under the attention.

- I’m not even going to ask…

Turning his face away from him, he added.

- Fine, I guess you can—

And that was how Duke first came to learn about the sensation of someone trying to take a bite out of him. In his anticipation for the trip ahead, he could not be blamed for how he skipped in place, eagerly squealing to himself, but soon he found that the small jumps were not enough to disperse the prickling attaching to his insides, that bigger leaps would be needed if he wanted to calm down. And one of those leaps just so happened to be in his friend’s general direction, which just so happened to make him land right on top of said friend. Powered by anxiety and startled confusion, the tarantula’s body moved on its own, mouth cracking open as his pedipalps parted, attaching themselves to the fabric of his green attacker before his fangs rapidly sunk into his fiber flesh.

To say it was an unpleasant experience would be an understatement. Duke’s taste was what he imagined carpets to be like, dust and all, and that was ignoring the completely sensory overwhelm of his soft fabric directly brushing against his fangs. His outer layer was thin and malleable, somehow untearable, so the tarantula simply found himself sinking his teeth further and further into him until he had a mouthful of pillowy material, and none of the satisfaction of shredding through something. And as if it wasn’t bad enough, he could hear Duke laughing.

That- It, It tickles!, he said, in between chocking on his own giggles and trying to escape from the bite, Do I taste good?

Taking that as an opportunity to overrule his own instincts, the spider spit him out, pedipalps frantically rubbing in front of his face, wanting to reach inside of his mouth to rid it of the disgusting feeling that still nestled inside of that cavity and being unable to.

- No. That was a warning. Don’t touch me if you don’t want to be bitten again.

Jeez, you’re no fun, Duke shivered, seemingly shaking off the sensation of nearly being skewered before fluffing himself back to full volume. Lead the way! I can’t promise that I won’t try to scare you again if you let boredom catch up to us tho.

Either properly threatened by that response or desperately trying to run away from the crazy unkillable pickle, his nameless companion took to walking in the direction of the gateway, promptly slipping through a crack in it that was surprisingly big enough for the both of them to pass through, and finding themselves on the other side, the spider wasted no time on sightseeing, promptly making a sharp left turn. The Carpeted Fields were not as exciting as Duke had always pictured them, perhaps because it was so late into the night that he couldn’t see much of anything, but the air smelled different out here, even his friend’s skittering sounding unlike what it did back in his hometown.

So where are we going? I’ve never been out here before.

- There’s only one other place where Mrs. FluffySomething could be – the spider hissed, this time not so literally, his deep voice lowered on the account of the unpredictable dangers of their perilous travel. - I thought to check it first, but it was too risky.

Ooh, a challenge! I love challenges! Were you afraid of getting smooshed? Is that why you didn’t go in there?

Duke tried to contract the right places in his rounded body to make himself do a little happy skip, but he ended up landing a bit more clumsily than he had intended, so really, it just looked like he had tripped on himself somehow. It distracted his travel buddy for long enough that he forgot what they were talking about to begin with.

- I just needed to make sure I wasn’t putting my life on the line for nothing.

You’re really lucky I’m not some sort of plushie serial killer. Or a guard.

- Your town has those? – the tarantula asked for the sake of the conversation, the hint of disbelief in his voice revealing his genuine opinion on the matter.

What, guards or serial killers?

- Both? Either??

Well, I’ve never personally seen either, but that’s usually what the other toys call me. And I’ve never actually murdered any of them yet! You catch a guy with a pocket knife once and suddenly you’re more dangerous than the golden stabby statues that think they are better than everyone! I don’t see them talking either, and they’ve never been accused of tearing through plushies with their mighty shiny hands!

- … have you actually done that? Use, uh, a pocket knife to…

No! I just like weapons!! Can’t a guy have a special interest in peace without being framed for toyslaughter?!

Amidst his bubbling rage, a quiet sound broke him out of his furious ranting, and even though the pickle had no ears with which he could strain his hearing, he did it anyways, only to realize that he was chasing after a very airy sound, like short gasps, or a really breathy laugh. The thought that it might be the last option suddenly made Duke’s insides feel a little more warm, cozy instead of uncomfortably hot.

- Well, too bad I’m not travelling with a killer. Guess I’ll have to be the one to attack any enemies.

Now, I didn’t say that! I can kill things! I just didn’t want you to freak out on me.

The airy sound grew a little louder, the rasping more intentional, and the giggles pouring out of the spider made Duke wish he had as many arms as he did, so he could jump on top of him and hug him with all of them.

- I guess I appreciate that – his nameless friend stopped his laughter to say, his voice still retaining a hint of a smile. – You’re not scared? That there might be enemies?

Why would I be? My body is an indestructible fortress!!

Before there could be any kind of reaction, a mysterious creak echoed through The Carpeted Fields. Immediately, Duke felt like they were being watched, like their harmless conversation had summoned their first boss fight, and his single eye jumped from the tarantula to the endless darkness that stood beyond him, waiting for something to happen.

Raising a single paw in the air, his friend silently told him to wait.

- A door opened. – he explained after excruciatingly long seconds of stillness. – We’re walking into a trap.

Well, isn’t it a good thing that it’s open? That means we get to kill them faster!

- … you can’t sense tension, can you?

Romantic tension?

- N- No—

Cuz sometimes it’s pretty obvious, but most of the time it is not directed at me, so maybe that’s why it seems—

- No, I’m not talking about that! – the spider aggressively hushed, one of his back paws sticking to the fabric of his mustache before tugging him closer. – It doesn’t matter. Just go ahead, check the coast for me.

I mean, only if we get to keep holding hands like this.

- Neither of us have hands.

I’m accepting that as a yes.

- No, wait—

With a surprising amount of strength, Duke folded the top half of his pickle body over the fuzzy paw, and without further hesitation, shimmied ahead, forcing the tarantula to keep up with him as they crossed through The Carpeted Fields. A mild breeze blew past them, and assuming the realm they were invading worked just like the one where he came from, Duke took to following the wind, accepting it as guidance of where to turn amongst the darkness. Soon, they were upon another gateway, the touch of the air moving both the blades inside and outside of the kingdom that nestled past it, so he surged forward without a second thought, searching for the window that had brought them this far.

Only a few jumps in, and his friend’s theory turned out to be correct. With a harsh bang, the door closed behind them, trapping them inside, and the paw he had been holding finally found a way to escape, ripping away from his fabric before scurrying across the darkness.

- Welcome. I have been expecting you. – a smooth, sultry voice spoke, accompanied by the familiar sound of fabric brushing against fabric. – I ssssee that you even brought a friend with you! How adorable.

The text book villain expertly slithered through the night, inciting fear in the hearts of the citizens of this realm with such a simple string of words. Barely kept away from view, Duke could sense the presence of thousands of eyes sticking to him, mortified into submission in the presence of this sexy, unseen threat, but like the brave pickle that he was, he refused to back down now that he was here, standing a little straighter before the incoming danger.

- Won’t either of you sspeak to me? How crasssss. And here I was hoping for some company after ever so graciously allowing you both inside.

At least invite me for dinner first.

The shadows stilled, started into motionless obscurity. The pouting villain quickly recovered his resolve, the quiet brushing returning to scare away the silence, but Duke knew exactly what he was doing. He was trying to locate them by voice alone. Too bad the projection of his thoughts was magical, and therefore, not affected by the distance possibly separating them.

- Who ssaid that?

The friend! The name’s Duke. I’d go and shake your hand but you know, can’t see a thing in front of my mustache unless you turn on a couple of lights.

- How odd. I never knew someone could… sspeak like you do.

Silence reigned for the briefest of moments, the curiosity veiled behind those words telling Duke it was only polite to allow the other to continue talking. Of course, the villain thought our amazing pickle had more to say as well, so their miscommunication rendered them both befuddlingly speechless for a couple of seconds.

- Well – the attractive voice muttered after that moment had passed, audibly clearing his throat. – I shall turn on a few lights then.

With a soft woosh, magic traveled across the land, fulfilling his promise. From his spot on the floor, Duke felt a gentle breeze caress his soft fabric before the realm was reborn with light, the large, scented candles placed on mountainous shelves and across a desk flickering to life, nothing more than shy flames hiding behind frosted glass. The glow that they provided was dim and controlled, only further contributing to the whole villainous persona that the hissing voice was cultivating, but the narrator knew it was all an act, a cover for their unthreatening appearance.

Hiding amongst the shadows, Duke found a long, slithering body slowly slipping behind the fallen covers of the unmade bed.

- And whatever are you supposed to be, Duke? – the strangely kind criminal asked, his hissing minimal. – I have never seen such a round… mysterious shape like yourself before.

Isn’t it obvious?? I’m a pickle!

- A pickle? – amusement sparkled across the room in the form of boisterous laughter, sharp and distinct like a good villain laugh should be. – Well, you certainly are a treat to my old button eyes.

Oh, don’t sell yourself short! You’re just as delicious as me, I bet.

- … That, iss an opinion, I won’t be refuting. – the dismembered voice mumbled, a small, moving fold cautiously appearing over by the edge of the bed. – Why are you here, little pickle? I can’t see why Virgil would ever find himself in such pleasant company.

Virgil?

- That awfully rude spider that you dragged in here – he continued, a thin pink tongue cutting through the air manifesting a strangely human hiss. – Always sssticking his paws where they don’t belong!

Well, he….

Duke forgot the words that his mouth had formed to say next, too perplexed by what his eye was seeing to function. From the height of the tall mattress, a long yellow snake revealed himself to him, his small black eyes cut into sharp, menacing half circles, sewn at a fear inducing angle. His fuzzy toy body had no scales, not even those that were ironed over fabric and that peeled away over time, and at the top of his snake head, a tiny bowler hat rested, giving him quite a dapper look, for somebody that was entirely naked besides that.

- Even he knows he sshouldn’t be here – the reptilian villain hissed softly, calmly sliding alongside the edge of the bed. – Honestly, leaving his friend alone for me to monologue to? How… utterly convenient.

The pointy end of his tail whipped across the air, colliding against something Duke couldn’t see from where he was standing, but the venomous hiss that followed was far too familiar for him not to recognize it, not to chase after. Caught around his smooth, strong coils, the tarantula that had escaped from Duke’s side was baring his fangs at the snake, all of his eight eyes glaring at the slimy villain.

- D’aww, there’s no need for that kind of behavior, Virgil – he mocked, his neck raising away from the bed until his dark shadow was just as long and menacing as him. – We wouldn’t want for anything bad to happen to you, would we?

- Fuck you!!

- Gasp, you offend me. After all of the things I did for you, this is how you treat me.

From the floor, Duke saw the snake’s body tightening around Virgil, one of his hairy legs frantically jerking in the air as his fangs lunged for the yellow fabric trapping him. The villain cocked his head to the side, but otherwise didn’t react.

- Really? How many times have you tried to do that in the past?

Virgil didn’t answer, simply biting down onto him with even more strength than before.

- Ouch – the snake flatly enunciated, nearing the top half of his body closer to where the rest of him was gathered. – Could you stop?

Listen, you’re really sexy and stuff, but we didn’t come here to have that kinda fun with you.

-… Pardon?

Isn’t that what’s happening right now?, Duke moved his eye from the snake to the spider, You’re acting like the mean, scary dom that wants to overpower the other mean, scary dom? I mean, doesn’t seem like his tarantula butt is interested in you other than how you’re related to Mrs. Fluffybottoms, so—

A loud, angry hiss cut through his ongoing reasoning, splitting through the other plushie’s mouth with such a foul temper that the black inside that he normally kept hidden was visible to everybody in the room.

- This is ridiculousss! And here I thought I could convince you to join my sside once you saw how pathetic this sspider issss. – the snake raised Virgil in the air by his tail, the damp spot of venom progressively darkening the yellow fabric there making it seem like the villain had had a little bit of an incident. – Instead, you come looking for that unworthy bunny that keeps getting in my way!

For a dreadful moment, Duke thought he was about to launch Virgil towards the ground, hurling him to his very real, very painful death, but the expressions on his black button eyes sobered up, and the tension stiffening up his tail eased somewhat, though not enough for the tarantula to wiggle away from. Trapped and humiliated, there wasn’t much energy left in his legs to push through this tremendously foiled plan.

- Couldn’t you have made me look any more useless? – Virgil suddenly asked, shattering right through the narrator’s rock solid focus.

- Why are you reading over my shoulder? I thought I told you to web Mrs. Fluffbottoms to the ceiling of the canopy bed!

- And I did that like, five minutes ago – he huffed, shoving his hands inside of the big pockets of his hoodie. – What are you even writing?

- Oh, you see, I found this cool thing on Tumblr with prompts for different days of an entire week and I’m putting my fingies to work. – the narrator explained, his attention never departing from the monitor of his laptop. - If I don’t make it to the late submission deadline, it’s your fault!

- And? I’ve read through most of it already.

- You’re also ruining my Funky Flow – the narrator pouted, really sticking out his bottom lip as he tilted his head back to meet Virgil’s eyes. – Only kisses can revive it now.

- Of course they can.

Utterly hypnotized by the narrator’s uniquely irresistible charm, the tall emo drew in behind him, his long, gentle fingers threading through Remus’s dark hair. A dangerous smirk cut through his cheeks, his slightly parted lips hinting at the presence of his white, shiny fangs, and the duke went willingly once Virgil tugged him back, the top of his head sinking into his soft belly.

- I’ll kiss you if you don’t make me lose to Janus. – the narrator’s adoring boyfriend proposed, combing through his hair until his coherent thoughts fizzled into indistinguishable static.

- That’s Doctor Noodle for your information – the duke purred in a quiet little voice, trembling as Virgil’s hands dipped down towards his face, his thumbs smoothing out over his cheeks before they slowly took exploring his exposed neck.

- Medical Doctor or another kind of PhD?

- You’ll have to ask Roman that. He’d the one that named the thing.

Leaning down until the light above their heads was completely blocked by Virgil’s shoulders, Remus dared to close his eyes in anticipation, expecting for at least a few spidery kisses before somebody tried to interrupt them.

- I’m not saving you if your brother walks through that door looking for his plushies – his boyfriend threatened, his wandering hands making it very hard to think why they were still talking about Pissy.

- I think I was promised kisses.

- Maybe – his breath tickled across Remus’s lips, his body moving against the top of his head. – And maybe I was promised an accurate representation of how I act, and yet, here we are.

Whining loudly so that the whole world could hear about his misery, Intrusive Thoughts tried to wrap his arms around Virgil’s neck, trapping him in this awkward position so that he’d have no other choice but to pay for his freedom in kisses, but unfortunately, his sneaky spider escaped right at the last minute, stepping away and leaving him alone with his raging heart boner.

- I’ll do it! – the duke whined, quickly turning around to try to get his hands on Virgil one last time. – I just need a few wittle kisses to motivate me!

Scrunching up his face, his cruel boyfriend dodged his loving grabs with little to no effort.

- You’re getting even less kisses if you start speaking in uwu voice.

- Aww, but you love it when I act like that! – Remus protested, nearly abandoning his laptop so he could jump his boyfriend’s bones.

- Do I? – Virgil raised in eyebrow at him, treating him like a misbehaving dog.

If he knew the story from the beginning, he’d know that Duke was a raccoon and/or a skunk!!

Needless to say, the narrator couldn’t keep on narrating when he had such a mean spider to catch.

#dukexietyweek2024 #remus sanders #virgil sanders #day 7 #bonus prompt: Stuffed Animals #spider tw #sex mention tw #villain janus tw #violence mention tw

7 notes · View notes

skullsnbruises · 1 year

Text

Day 6: Competition

“First to the stomach wins!”

Featuring our silly losers (Dream and Sapnap) with their uninterested giants (Punz and George)

[another lazy art]

Taglist: @poprockpanda @brick-a-doodle-do @local-squishmallow @dingbatnix

#posts by sunny #mcyt g/t #dsmp g/t #mcyt vore #sunnys art #dsmp vore #g!punz #g!george #t!dream #t!sapnap #Voretober #voretober 2023

39 notes · View notes

misscammiedawn · 9 months

Text

Miss Cammie Dawn's 2023 Round-Up

Permit me the self-indulgence to do a lil' wrap-up. Perhaps a little bit longer than a "lil'", we shall see. I don't expect any eyes on this. I write purely for the purposes of rereading later. Remember, I treat Tumblr like Livejournal.

I wish to focus upon the concepts of "what did you do/watch/read etc" and wrap it up for the year.

Personal Life

With the pandemic still limiting my options for socializing and having ended my close friendships and finally gone No Contact with my family of origin in the past few years, there's not been a lot of momentum in my life of late and I'm kind of okay with it.

Still. Some major events are to be expected. Here are mine for 2023:

Bottom surgery - Of everything in my year this was always going to be the first thing we needed to talk about. The process for getting here was such a long road and it almost doesn't feel real now that it's all done.

April 10th 2023 I went under the knife and began a healing journey that took much of the next 6 months of my life.

Going off of hormones for the time surrounding it was a complete emotional roller-coaster and I was *unstable* by the end of it. Oikos were kind enough to be supportive to me the whole time, thankfully. Daja traveled out to be there with me during the procedure. I have a detailed personal journal that conveys the whole experience but wow... that was a journey.

Those who know me may be aware of Precious, Cammie's Squishmallow. She goes wherever we go and she serves as an important tool for us. When we were in the hospital Daja asked our partners permission and with consent applied a hypnotic compulsion that made it so squeezing Precious and thinking of a partner would summon them in our mind and forge a connection. We refer to her now as the "Magical Scrying Kitty" and the trigger was essential for those first few days of recovery. Particularly the lonely void between visiting hours.

It all just sort of blurs now. I almost cannot remember being in bed for months after getting home nor the amount of energy that even the smallest tasks took. I have a vague memory of trying to get photographs in our yoga outfit before Beguiled and the effort of maneuvering around the bed was monumental.

We ended up returning to events in June/July, though we were still fairly restricted by the body's healing schedule.

I'm happier this side of the surgery. It has done wonders for my mental health and day to day comfort in our skin. Worth every sacrifice we made a hundred times over.

I don't think I have words for it yet but I feel there is a difference. There had been a level of anxiety and fear about the procedure before it but that has all melted away. I cannot even recall what those nebulous fears even were.

Anyway! Sleepyhead was nice enough to make my dream come true:

I have wanted that photo for years. I spoke of the dream often. I also made the Dickless for Chiklis tweet as promised years ago, though I doubt the intended audience saw it.

Life changes a bunch between starting the waiting list and getting the surgery, doesn't it?

DID Diagnosis - This has been a huge adjustment for us because of all the work that goes into trauma & dissociation therapy. We have joined support groups, we are putting in work to structure our journaling, we have built an innerworld conference space with isolated safe spaces (I was surprised to learn that this media trope is not only a real thing but it's a therapy technique that is taught. People are not born with these things and they are not a symptom of the disorder) and finally we are learning where the emotions originate, who has attachment to individual memories and experiences and then we are learning process things correctly. It is a process.

I am only slightly bitter that I had no context for the whole compartmentalized emotions thing. We wrote a frustrated Tumblr post about it recently.

The initial diagnosis came after a few months of testing. Many of our preconceptions were found to be based on a mixture of denial and ignorance exasperated by too much misinformation from fiction. Our therapist and Daja have both been on our case this entire year to stop obfuscating and hiding behind these excuses and barriers. It helps.

When we began the year our little system of 4 (technically 5) were completely at odds with one another. We had a number of distorted and self-loathing beliefs. Cammie was too childish and made us unreliable and immature and too stereotypically girlygirl trans. Camden was too strict and controlling and lived in constant hyper-vigilant survival mode, battling demons that had died decades ago. Dawn (presently typing) was a filthy NSFW embarrassment that was going to invite unwelcome elements to our life and post unforgivable content which must be deleted. Craig is a failing to our femininity that invalidates our struggles as a transwoman and Tilly-Mo doesn't even exist.

Now we're more comfortable working for a unified vision of self. Accepting that each of us is not the others and that we share a life. It's a process.

In May our therapist sent us to an online event held by a non-profit group who were tackling a bunch of topics ranging from "how to live with these conditions" "Professionals with CDD and their experiences with ISSTD" and a panel with transgender individuals with dissociative disorders. I was involved in that last one and I have to admit it was a turning point for me. For the first time in my life my experiences felt relatable and were being framed in a perspective of normal people living normal lives rather than the loud and proud version online. One of the things we continue to struggle with is how to integrate our condition into our life without fetishizing it. It's an invisible illness so all attempts to have our parts recognized feel like an attention grab. Even typing about it now. Somehow we have to navigate the gap between being open about it without highlight it. That's also a process.

Simply spoken we feel uncomfortable insisting on the one typing unless it's essential to being understood in how we communicate. We had an internal discussion about this post, wondering if we should let individual parts type different sections and highlight who was typing each one with a color or nametag. But that's not our style or comfort. It raises too much attention and sets off alarm bells. Half the reason we do our tagging system as we do on Tumblr is as a note to ourselves. Like a little filing system for when we go back searching later. A little switch counter. Helps us spot when someone has been away for too long.

Incidentally we decided we would write the post as time allowed and give everyone an opportunity to edit/add/delete from it before posting.

Electrolysis and Laser - My Electrolysist fired me. A shame. I really liked her. I... did not handle it well. There are only two times we have had a full blown meltdown during a session with our trauma and dissociation therapist and the week we got fired was one of them.

I did a few months of laser after leaving electrolysis but they have not yet invented a new form of laser that works for redheads so I just gave up. I'm done with my hair removal. I know there's a level of pettiness in that decision but being tortured for an hour a week wasn't good for my mental health and I barely go outside anyway. I'll just shave.

Trans activism in former career - I keep in touch with some of the people from my former career. I'll not name names or circumstances, but helping one of my former coworkers in their transition and joining an effort to petition the leadership (leveraging my weight as an out and proud transgender woman while I worked there) to rally against a company decision that actively promoted transphobia was a real highlight of my year. We won. I can type the name into Google and see articles about our victory. I may have been a single drop in the ocean when it comes to it but I know the people who made that decision. My emails shamed them for daring to do something like that on the ecosystem I helped create. It made me feel like I'd done something with my life. Made a difference to vulnerable people and guided some other people through these confusing halls we all wander down. That gave me life.

Immigration - I am applying for citizenship as it's easier than trying to get TERF Island to recognize my identity and I would rather all my documents have the same name and gender marker on them.

Events

Charmed 2023 - I wrote detailed con reports of last January's event. Suffice to say it was my first time taking the stage and teaching a class. A prominent member of the community posted on Twitter that they had gained a crush on me from watching me teach which is about the kindest thing anyone can say. Certainly boosted my self-estimation a little.

The vampire ball on the final day changed our brain chemistry forever. It has become the gold standard for our submissive scenes.

Charmed is the best. I am excited for the 2024 event.

Cybertronic Spree & The Protomen - I love going on roadtrips with my boyfriend, Copper. He loves driving and I love just sharing space and being comfortable with him. We shared music during the long drive to Chicago and I got to enjoy my "Other City". Part of us shall always view Chicago as our American home. We're a city girl at heart and seeing the night skyline of our former home was such a balm for the soul, particularly as it was our first time back there since we were married. My last trip there was an anniversary date to see Hamilton.

COVID risk was heavy on our mind but we had a fairly nice hotel a little out of the city and got to go to a pleasant venue. A couple of people I recognize from the hypnocon circuit were in the audience but we didn't think to approach them. A shame.

Sleepyhead and Puppet were the ones who bought the tickets but unfortunately health problems prevented them traveling. They were VIP tickets. We got merch signed for them both as a thank you and I got to meet Cybertronic spree.

Not to invoke the ghost of our marriage too often but our ex-wife and I saw The Protomen in 2010 during their Chicago stop of that year and I spoke with some of the band about it. A lifetime ago.

It was nice to step into a world we had long since exited with our current partner. The venue was a live rock place that had Rush posters on the wall and that black brick aesthetic that brought me back to when we saw gigs like Thunder in London.

I truly miss live events like this and though there was a COVID risk and though our throat was raw from 4-6 hours of no fluids, it was worth it. A highlight of my year for certain.

Cybertronic Spree played the theme of One Punch Man and a bunch of music from Transformers The Movie (1986) and generally kicked ass. Gambler and Arcee did a duet in both halves of the concert.

Dare to Be Stupid was ridiculous and I loved every second of it.

Beguiled 2023 - I only posted my outfits for public. But I was very detailed in my private journal. It was a difficult con for us as we were still weak from surgery and had limited mobility. We tapped out of our usual hypnoyoga class (perfect attendance ruined forever). Got to eat some incredible Japanese curry from a place that held great significance from me in a past life and danced with Daja to the music of the night...

Beguiled could have been a perfect event if my health were better.

I suppose I shall await 2025's event for the promised encore.

Daja Vacation - A very important trip. In October we headed over to Daja's state for a quick little visit. Sleepyhead accompanied us. There was curry, pan pizza (better than Giordano's. Daja is a chemist by day and kitchen sorceress by night), British meat pies, so many British chocolates, fountain trances, magic shows and time for all of us.

How can it be after 18 months that I still worry I have NRE with Daja? I truly do not know. But she shared her city with me. Created some new vital memories that shall be eternally treasured and gave the tightly wound little stress ball in my head a pretty view to admire inside of her little imagined safe space.

I am so damned smitten.

Books

My goal was to read every single Tamora Pierce book within a year of starting my relationship with Daja (named for the Emelan character, yes) and I found reading to be quite the comfort while I was laid up.

The Provost's Dog (Beka Cooper) Trilogy - The final Tortall books and the longest. They gave us many memories of our city and the caste system at play there. Beka is a wonderful protagonist and I fell in love with Farmer. Farmer is my favorite. I love him.

The police procedural in a high fantasy world was not entirely my cup of tea and I prefer it in the Rivers of London urban fantasy mold but seeing Pounce/Faithful as a far more actiive (and prissy) part of the story was a joy. Not my favorite of Tammy's series' by a long shot (For Tortall it would be Daine and Kel's quartets and for Emelan it would be any book which features Briar or Tris as a protagonist) but my preferences do not speak to quality. Tammy has evolved as a writer over the decades of her work and it breaks my heart that she is not as ubiquitous as Sir Terry.

I broke down into a weeping mess at the end because Beka's actions and her compassion granted her a single wish no one in universe or reading could have ever thought would have been granted. The sheer surprise and joy in that act of kindness was enough to break the dams of my heart.

Possibly the best ending of all Tammy's books.

The Circle of Magic Quartet - I am going to come out and say it right away. I prefer Emelan to Tortall. I do look at it as a "two cakes!" scenario and the two series are not in contest with one another (albeit Numair Chronicles is preventing the epilogue to the Reforged quartet from being written). But I enjoy the 4 displaced children and their mentors. I feel there is something solid about exploring Found Family tropes in kids who have known hardships beyond their years.

Daja (my partner, not the character in the book) had wondered which of the 4 I would gravitate towards more. Obviously I would be fond of Daja Kisubo for the name alone but would it be Briar the street kid who was caught between the world of his poverty street origins and his unexpected elevation in the caste system or perhaps Tris, the unwanted child who heard her caregivers tell her outright that she was an unwanted burden.

"Two cakes!"

The vignettes that brought the 4 together was a tough read and I didn't really feel the conflict of the books until the finale of Tris' book which kicked the series into high gear and from then on I ate Emelan up hungrily.

We were on track for 2.5 books read per month going into Emelan and actively had to slow ourselves down. I am pretty sure the only limitation we experienced was waiting lists on our library app.

Of the first quartet Briar's Book was an absolute favorite. Rosethorn's boy is wonderful and I love him. Also I wish to point out that the audio books were put out by Full Cast Audio who had actors for every role. Mo Harrington as Rosethorn was perfection. She also voiced Cloud in Daine's books but her Rosethorn is a career defining role. I wish only good things for Harrington. My favorite character of my favorite Tammy series will always be shaped in your vision of her.

The finale of the book, however, did stir some horrible memories and emotions in me. I suppose serendipity being a thing, though, in reacting to the book in real time to Daja as we read she noticed the shift and discovered a verbal quirk unique to a part of me who seldom gets to exist.

In a way much of our healing and accepting Craig came from Rosethorn's trip to the "garden" and our reaction to it as well as Daja's incredible ability to notice how unique it is for us to type "ain't" in a sentence.

I'm so glad I read these books.

The Circle Opens Quartet - At the time of reading these we had our surgery appointment and it became a mission to "catch up" before Daja came to visit to see us through surgery. We were listening to audiobooks from the library and books 3 and 4 (Cold Fire and Shatterglass) have never been adapted to audiobook due to Full Cast Audio's unfortunate financial troubles).

We had planned to borrow Daja's copies when she came over for the surgery.

But... we ended up catching up early enough that Daja in what may be one of the most romantic gestures of a year filled with romantic gestures, recorded herself reading the whole of Cold Fire and sending it to us so we may be caught up to borrow Shatterglass at the time of surgery.

Is it any wonder I'm so smitten?

Of the 4 stories I found Cold Fire and Shatterglass to be the most enjoyable. It was good seeing the siblings growing up in their own way and how their immaturity was evened out by their apprentices. Daja Kisubo's story was the one that got to me the most because the psychology of the serial killer and Kisubo's absolute betrayal towards the end. Watching how she dealt with Ben was heartbreaking.

Also the way insanity as a topic was handled was a little tactless and one quote made my blood boil a little but it was towards the character who spoke the words, not the author who penned them. The character Zhegorz returned in the next quartet and was an absolute highlight for me. I like the idea of scrying mages opening themselves up to mental disorders and for an allegory for schizophrenia I felt it was fairly tasteful in the next book. In this one the topic was not handled beautifully, but we are seeing the world through prejudice eyes and if there is one thing Daja Kisubo stories are good for it is showing prejudice viewpoints and their consequences.

Tris can't always be there to break social etiquette for you.

The Circle Reforged Quartet (albeit book 4 is not yet written) - Tammy matured as a writer a hundred times over before these books. I loved Emelan because it's a story of childhood trauma and how it impacts growth and development, even if the wounded soul is given encouraging and healthy environments to thrive in.

Each character carries scars deeper than they can admit to themselves or one another. Will of the Empress is a fantastic story because it takes everything that has been building and applies it to young adults who matured years before they should have and explores the sheer scale of the damage that does to them when they are left to their own devices.

Goodness... why would I find myself attracted to such a concept? I wonder?

The intro segment is so good we wrote a specific Tumblr post about it. Tris' bitterness that her raw talent cannot be monetized (without murder), Briar's PTSD, Sandry's muted bitterness at being abandoned by her siblings and Daja's hyper-vigilant need to push everyone away because of the betrayal she felt not just with Ben but in being banished from the only stable home she had ever known.

Watching the 4 open their connection to one another again caused many tears as we read it. Tris' accepting Sandry in particular just got me right in the heart.

The final sequence with Briar's safe space I had joked was the most accurate depiction of DID I'd seen. The whole shutting off the connection and having a shared inner world were both topics we were addressing in therapy about the time we listened to those chapters.

Battle Magic was a rough journey for seeing how much the Briar/Evie/Rosethorn trio suffered at the hands of the emperor. Rosethorn had become our quick favorite throughout the franchise and I just didn't want to see her hurt. Not after the end of Briar's Book.

Melting Stones was a cute little side story. Evie and Luvo are great. I don't have much to say about it as the book was written for the Full Cast Audio team and didn't develop anything we hadn't already seen from Will of the Empress which is chronologically the last of the quartet despite being the first in release order.

House of Leaves - Thanks to the MyHouse.WAD stuff happening early this year I was reminded of the book and with surgery recovery time I had time to dedicate to it. I kind of resent that there's no digital option but I appreciate that this book is a book.

Getting out of Mark Z. Danielewski's dumb dumb mind labyrinth of a mental virus is the hard part. If anything about our taste in fiction is true it's that we want to experience altered states and put ourselves in the head of another. So having an obsession simulator burrow deep into our head while we are bedridden and the days are blurred together was... not our best decision.

We have our de-realization symptoms locked down now and I think due to that stability we find ourselves compelled to seek out breaks in reality, especially now we no longer do character play hypnosis, tabletop RPG or allow once trusted individuals to gaslight us for fun.

Glitches and moments when things are wrong freak us out and have caused severe panic episodes for us (thank you Remedy for the credits to the bad ending of Control, that one damn near broke me and it was at a time in my life I didn't have anyone around to ground me or confirm what I was experiencing so we just went into free fall) and we shouldn't poke that bear.

But we do.

Willingly.

I've yet to bring that up with our therapist.

It's not just the ergodic literature that got under our skin though, with this one it was also that it depicts a parent in a mental care facility as a major plot point.

We have a history with that kind of thing and... yeah.

Plus the way Truant described his panic attack at seeing purple ink and remembering his mother's fingernails at his throat...

Reading this book may not have been our best decision... but we have a tag dedicated to it and are deeply in love with it. We knew what we were getting into (well... perhaps not the Pelafina stuff. We were not prepared for that) and there are no regrets!

Between the Whalestone Letters and Rosethorn's trip to the garden we need to check DoesTheDogDie.com more often =/

Regardless! We really dug the book.

Camden especially!

Much discussion online is on what parts of the book "really happened", what was in Navidson's record, what was in Zampano's analysis and what did Johnny edit in and how much did The Editors edit Johnny's narrative and how much is altered by our reading of it.

And like-- how much of the perspective based stuff is impacted by how your read it. For instance! When The Editors note that Johnny's ramblings have context in the appendix, I went and read all the Whalestone Letters then and there which made the panic attacks and Minotaur stuff make way more sense from the get go-- most may read the book first and the appendixes later.

It's a book that takes a unique shape based on how you navigate it. Sorta like a video game.

My experiences made me relate to and extrapolate emotional weight and context from Johnny's narrative after all. Regardless of Johnny's final message I cannot remove how I related to the things he shared... and that's the trick.

None of it happened. It's all a book. Whatever Danielewski intended is unimportant. You can listen to the companion album, you can look up interviews, you can see the citations and source material that inspired the story...

At the end of the day the more you put in, the more it will pull you deeper. There's no definitive way to read the book. It's a spiral staircase down into infinity and insanity.

The only winning move is not to play... or to quote the text:

"Maturity, one discovers, has everything to do with the acceptance of not knowing."

Tricksters Duology - Saved for last as Daja isn't a huge fan of the espionage from these books and she had recommended I skip them until I ran out of books to read. I'm glad it was saved as a little cherry on top to my adventures in Emelan and Tortall as meeting with Kyprioth the trickster god was a treat and the book goes out of its way to provide epilogues to all of the existing Tortall books. Seeing Daine and Numair's family grow, seeing Kel vs Alanna and seeing George Cooper be Best Boy was all such a lovely thing to behold.

I also read the Spy's Guide during this time and enjoyed it greatly. Daja handed me her hardcover the week of our surgery and we opened it to Daine's portrait, which just tickles me.

I am deeply fond of trickster gods...

Dissociation Made Simple - We had actually won a copy of this at the chronic dissociation event my therapist sent me to in May. I got to talk with the author and we follow one another on the other social media. They're a lovely person and they work hard to support the community of people who live with these conditions. The book is a navigation of living with a chronic dissociative disorder from a personal perspective and acts as both a guide to living with these experiences and supporting a loved one who happens to live with one.

It offers a wealth of perspectives and seeks to humanize matters in a way that does not rely too heavily upon pathology.

My sole complaint about it is that the author's personal philosophies bleed in. They are jaded with Western mental healthcare and favor an Eastern approach and they apologize profusely for including the perspectives of someone who sought Final Fusion (they say that they include the interview "as a means of painting a complete picture") and it truly felt more akin to an apology for discussing one of the gold standards of treatment goals than anything else. That was projecting on the audience a little in my opinion.

At present I do not seek final fusion as a goal. Healthy Multiplicity is just fine in my world... but I have seen posts and messages from those who did go that path and the support networks closing off to them and even harassing them over their personal decision is not the way to go.

Either way Dr. Jamie+ is a wonderful person I am proud is doing the work to make the world better for individuals struggling with chronic dissociative disorders.

The Third Person - Another suggested piece of reading from our time at the dissociation event. This is a 900 page book written by a transgender woman with DID and reflects her journey through the medical system as she attempts to get her HRT approved by an abusive therapist. There's a sunk cost fallacy that keeps her continuously coming week after week to someone who is an active threat to her mental health. After all. She'd need another 6+ months with a new therapist to get approved for HRT or she could just win Toby over and get him to sign for her.

Much of the book is conversations between Emma (and Katina and Ed) and their therapist, Toby. Katina is an impulsive party animal and the system's protector. She reminds us intensely of Dawn and that made finishing the book (in a single sitting, no less) an emotionally harrowing experience for us.

There's a refrain in some areas of the support communities that fiction based on our condition is sensationalized because to live with this condition is actually remarkably boring. We're just traumatized people trying to live our lives. This book is very much a shining example of that and I say it in a loving way. Nothing that happens to Emma's system is sensational or exceptional. She's just a normal transgender woman who got entangled with an abusive therapist (a transgender man who should have been an ally) and though it is mired by her hazy and bias recollection of events (she admits that the moment Toby said "your grandfather was right to hit you" she should have left and never come back) it still just reads as a normal person going through some shit.

And that's where the book is at its best. This is normal stuff. These are the things that can and do happen. I read the /r/therapists reddit enough to know that there's a population of people that think that their job includes dispelling "delusional thinking" and some definitions of that are a little uncomfortable. Not every professional believes in DID or transgender identities after all >.>;

This one was just a tough read and though my stated discomfort is that the alter that reminds me so much of Dawn had to hear Emma say the one sentence she could NEVER say to her.

Breaks our hearts =/

The Enchanted Forest Chronicles - Presently Daja is reading us these books on a weekly basis during our dates. We have gotten through the first two and are enamored with the primary cast. Telemain is my favorite.

They are just delightful stories full of tropes and fun. I would have loved them very much when I was young. Cammie presently loves them intensely.

Mr. Robot eps1.91_redwheelbarr0w.txt - Set during the time between Season 1 and Season 2 Episode 8, this is a journal. A literal journal made to look like it was written in pencil by series protagonist Elliot Alderson.

In the show the audience is his imaginary friend who he speaks to. When he is on the screen we see the world through his eyes and his delusions. Only during two flashbacks do we ever see him outside of his perspective, which saves Rami Malek having to play his alters and allows the show to be subjective with what is real and what isn't, plus we also get to see scenes Elliot isn't there for (typically perspective can be seen if someone refers to the villainous avatar of capitalism as "E Corp" their actual name rather than "Evil Corp" which Elliott always hears/reads it as) and when a twist happens at the end of season 1 he knows that we knew and we didn't tell him. We can't communicate with him after all.

To denote the time skip, hide a season 2 twist and to better blur the lines of what is real and what isn't, Elliot stops speaking to us after season 1 and reconciles with us during season 2. The journal covers the time when he was "not speaking with us" because we didn't tell him about Mr. Robot. At times he even writes to us as if we will someday read the book and then corrects himself to say that we will never read it. That kind of makes reading this feel a little invasive. Even the "editor" (a transgender woman in the show who was incarcerated in a male facility. I like Hot Carla) notes at times how fucked up it is that any of us are reading his private journal which he reminds often isn't for anyone elses' eyes.

Within the book are a number of little trinkets which serve to play an ARG that reveal the season 2 plot twist (Mr. Robot has been communicating with the Dark Army to continue his revolution while Elliot is in prison) and to the book's credit there is such an adherence to verisimilitude that the nearest we get to confirmation that there even IS an ARG is some comments penned in by the in-universe character who "published" the journal.

What I liked about it was not just the realism of the journal, which goes to lengths to utilize spaces in between entries as significant (we even get an entry written on the back of a pack of cigarettes when Elliot hands off the journal for another inmate to read it in her cell)

it didn't add a lot to the plot of the show but it was a fantastic dive into the character headspace of Elliot. Particularly during the period of time he was not talking to "us".

Music

Music is so disposable in scope that I'll be skipping much of the new stuff on our radar and focus on things we intentionally listened to.

The Protomen - Copper's favorite band. Puppet and Sleepyhead were nice enough to give him tickets to their show with the Cybertronic Spree (as noted above). We gave them a fair few spins to get ready for the concert. They are a lovely and self-indulgent band and their Queen tribute album is superb. I really dug the whole revolution subplot in the second act with Sniper Joe. Act 1's "after the apocalypse" campfire aesthetic wasn't my touch but the cyberpunk revolution stuff was cool as crap!

The Gambler is bloody amazing and any of her songs are just bangers by definition <3

The Caretaker (Everything At The End of Time) - We're late to the party on this one but god what an incredible experience. We went down a rabbit hole of tributes. For what it's worth Nowehere At The Millenium of Space is so far above the pack that if I ever wanted to listen to a 6 hour dementia simulator again then it'd be my pick. A3 is the track I'd listen to if you wanted to see if it would vibe with you or not.

(Though I wanna see more takes on the concept that try different perspectives-- there's a few that try for different conditions that have a lot of promise)

For the uninitiated, EATEOT is a 6 album concept piece that attempts to place you in the mind of a dementia patient at the end of their life. The composer read that music lingered beyond memories and information and wanted to run ideas of degrading of physical media and nostalgia for a time many of us were not alive for. The first track based on Heartaches from 1947 for instance. It gives us the idea of an era without true familiarity to it. Which makes my love of Nowhere a little odd as it takes the concept and then applies familiarity with many of the songs hitting "I KNOW THIS" buttons and...

Look, I came to learn about EATEOT from MyHouse and there the warped version of Running From Evil used that familiarity to great effect. Much of the subtle horror of the Doom map comes from recognizing the geography of the locations as The House and having your familiarity with Doom mechanics messed with in subtle ways. I like the feeling of "I know this... but it's wrong" especially as a means to invoke discomfort. That makes Nowhere a better album for me but to many the nostalgia for a time they weren't alive for helps put you in the head of a distant dying relative and that is more effective for the concept.

The fact I can talk about such high concepts is a proof of how amazing this album is at what it does.

If you don't have 6 hours and want a quick version of it, a YouTuber named zaza took the concept and applied it to Lo-Fi Beats to Study and Relax To. Add in intangible familiarity to Lo-Fi Beats as an amorphous genre with no real hook to hold onto and glitch effects to turn this video into one that tickles a terror center of my brain unscratched since I first played DDLC.

The Narcissist Cookbook - Apple Music throws some curveballs at me every now and again and I viscerally recall The Simplest Words coming on randomly and I *loved* it.

This Is How We Get Better is just a good album. It's on the topic of healing from crippling mental illness and given everything we have been going through in trauma therapy this year it was the right album at the right time. Pretty much every song is solid in its own special way. The line in The Pattern about walking through the halls of a demolished high school hit close to home and there is something beautiful about Leave My Phone At Home.

Some of the best works are less songs and more folk guitar during impassioned speeches. Courtney is a catchy song with a lecture on why people get into conspiracy rabbit holes, The Absolute State of our Nation is a plea that violent resistance to centrist complacency is a duty of those who wish to prevent history being sanitized and Cognitive Dissonance Blues is about the crushing despair of trying to do good in a world where evil is so deeply systemic that we only serve to hurt ourselves and make no measurable difference.

Highly recommended listening. Here, have The Simplest Words as a sample:

youtube

Mint Green (Growth) - Another group Apple threw at me while trying to understand why I love Left At London. I am not a fan of all their music but the album Growth really grew on me (ha!). They are an indie band out of California and sound like an indie band out of California. It is the kind of comforting sound you can lay down on a dark evening and stare at the ceiling listening to. A favorite pastime during our surgical recovery. Pinky Swear is now one of my favorite songs. I just love blasting it while I drive. I really enjoy them.

The Streets (The Darker The Shadow The Brighter The Light) - Skinner's band has never been able to reclaim its heights from Original Pirate Material (2002) but with Craig being more active in our system this year and Skinner releasing his first studio album under The Streets title since 2001's Computers and Blues we needed to dive on this as soon as it was released.

Like here's the thing. Peeps don't realize we like this sort of shit because we go all in on Rush. But there are certain sounds that just key in to what it was like growing up on a counsel flat in a broken home with an unemployed dad who has you pop down the corner store for some Rizla papers to roll his own.

It's just a tad to the left of pub music, y'know?

Point is Original Pirate Material got a bit of that larey London lad energy and was like a time capsule that yanks you back to 2002 to the point of which you can feel your old Nokia 220 vibrate in your pocket while you listen.

New album ain't terrible. Better than Computer and Blues by a wide margin.

Troubled Waters is an absolute classic and once again Skinner has caught a level of mild desperation with the British public. I always appreciated his "day in the life of a geeza" approach and I think one of the two reasons Skinner's career never took off beyond Original Pirate Material is that he was no longer just another bloke when that song hit. Later albums have songs about dealing with his fame and having affairs with high level pop stars and he lost the relatable flair that brought him to greatness.

Like no shade to Going Through Hell or that one song about the Earth will be fine it's us who are fucked. He's got some bangers in the mid but he came out the gates with an album of "bangers, not anthems"

I mean... Original Pirate Material is just a perfect album. Dunno what else to say.

This new one is growing on me. It's got a mature edge and it comes from a perspective of an older guy who has lived beyond the legacy his debut 20 years ago offered.

I need to force myself to listen to anything other than Troubled Waters but I find myself rewarded for doing so. Just wish Too Much Yayo wasn't the opening track. I'm not fond of it.

Movies

I've not been in a cinema since Spider-Man No Way Home and before then since movies were my career. Losing movie theatres in the pandemic has altered my brain chemistry a little, I think?

Creed III - Creed is one of my alltime favorite movies and so I was really excited for III. I was fucked up from being off of my hormones at the time and so I ended up watching it on the day of a meltdown when I had screamed my throat raw and was crying and non-verbal. That may have impacted my enjoyment of the film a little and I need to go back to it at some point. I really enjoyed the cerebral final battle between Donnie and Majors' character. Cried a bunch when Mary Anne died =/

It's sort of a tough thing to be all attached to this franchise and see it keep missing jumping off points. I wanna see it keep on going but I don't wanna see it decline after so many high finishes, y'know?

Super Mario Bros Movie - I literally do not remember watching this. Granted I was laid up at the time. It came to home media ridiculously fast. Still. I have no firm memory of this at all and I think that's an indictment on Illumination more than my mental state in surgical recovery.

Spider-Man: Across the Spider-Verse - I am impressed but still waiting on the other shoe to drop. Another "Fuck Joe Quesada" production so I found myself deeply enjoying the fact Pete/MJ's wedding is a "canon event".

I honestly enjoyed the conversation around the movie more than the film itself.

Soundtrack is bloody amazing and Hobie is an absolute bro. Love that guy!

Barbie - Greta Gerwig does not miss. Lady Bird is one of our all time favorites and this was an enjoyable film in the same vein as Lego Movie. It lacks teeth or staying power but many of the movies which reach the top of the box office these days are that way. Teeth aren't profitable.

I adored the production and it is just pleasant to see good costumes in a movie in an increasingly stingy/anti-union world.

Like it's a fine and fun movie but like some people said "this movie doesn't have subtext, it's just text" and that is probably for the best given its wide audience. I just need something more.

Guardians of the Galaxy 3 - It was alright. I liked the sentiment with Groot at the end. Yeah. Don't have much to say. It was alright.

War Games (1983) - Sleepyhead and Copper don't bond much. We're all family at Oikos but we're different people at the end of the day. When my two partners discovered I'd never seen this movie they worked together to correct it instantly.

It was a lovely night feeding off of their excitement and I am pleased to say the movie was well worth it and gave some good context for Metal Gear Solid: Peace Walker's climax.

Lowkey may have been my favorite movie moment of the year. Plus it gave me context to references made in Mr. Robot so that was nice <3

Before Trilogy - I have had this on my DVD shelf since I was married and the idea of "the most realistic romance trilogy" has never seemed appealing. I'll be honest. I like the locations. I love the chemistry of the main pair and I enjoyed the first two parts way more than expected but didn't vibe with the final movie.

I doubt I will end up watching them again, which is a shame after so many years of having it hyped up on Film Twitter.

Television

TV is a quick and easy way to bond with loved ones and so I've been watching a bunch, especially while I was laid up. Sharing media remains one of my favorite ways to connect with people after all. In this time I've shared all of Twin Peaks with Sleepyhead, rewatched some old anime shows with Copper

Secret Invasion - I sincerely wish I could unwatch this. It was awful. No elaboration. Just... I did not like it. Best I can say is that the discussion threads doing "Boom! You looking for this?!" jokes was funny.

Star Wars Franchise - Okay. Copper, my boyfriend REALLY likes Star Wars and so has been sharing all the new content with me while introducing me to the past stuff. Rebels and Andor have been my favorite. Ahsoka was my least favorite. It's a true sign of love that I'm willing to put in with Star Wars given my history with the movie theatre-- that franchise has caused me so much misery.

Chopper is great though. Love that little war crimes robot.

I now understand the Mortis meme and I agree. I know peeps are all about the midichlorian thing and like, sure, yeah, no. That's bullshit because you're sciencing up the faith thing but like-- this ain't it. Don't rebalance that by going all in on the faith and applying it to deities. That is such a shitty thing to do when the basis was a balance between inner peace and conflict derived from a Buddhist mentality. Idk. The War in our Stars is not our favorite. But we loved sharing it with someone we love.

Loki Season 2 - This year I just about gave up on Marvel and decided to wait for the next story arc to conclude and see if it's worth returning to. I do not watch as many movies these days and they do not serve their social function for me as they had in a life when movies were my career and I was surrounded by those who shared my passion.

Watching this season with Sleepyhead was the closest I felt to those old days of excitement and reaction and social lubrication. It was deeply enjoyable for those reasons and more. I feel like it was the epilogue that the early phases of Marvel deserved and the only version of the modern Multiverse plot that felt worthy of my attention. I find that Multiverse as a concept robs a franchise of consequence. I can watch characters slaughtered by Scarlet Witch and feel nothing and it makes it impossible to feel the weight of consequence. Even the protagonist of this show is not the man murdered by Thanos.

Yet it is the acknowledgement and embracement of this fact which allowed me to enjoy Loki as a show. He was a version of the man who was there for Thor at the end of Ragnarok. We saw him robbed of development and we saw him deconstructed and reconstructed into that which we always knew he could be.

Loki gives me hope but I still intend to take a break. It was nice to be driven and excited again, though.

Andromeda - Not gotten far but sharing this with Daja and enjoying it thus far if only because Nietzschean is such a fun concept for a species and there's a ton of time shenanigans involved. I wanna see more!

The cast are a delight, the low budget is endearing and the theme song is written by a member of Rush. Also Daja informs me that some episodes were pitched as DS9 episodes.

Mr. Robot - This may actually be my favorite show now. Like of all time. It just mixes everything I love about Prestige Drama shows, specifically Better Call Saul and then applies it to topics that have my focus like mental illness and Capitalism Bad. Plus it's a pastiche of modern cinema and keeps teasing the "I KNOW THIS!" center of my brain with (intentional in-universe) references.

The plot surrounds the rise of a hacktivist group going up against the evil corporation that controls 70% of the US's money. They are Exxon, Wal-Mart and Wells-Fargo rolled into one.

Each character in the show is suffering from isolation generated by a modern society and the camerawork constantly shows this off by minimizing their space in the frame to show off all the empty space around them. It's rare for two characters to interact on screen at the same time and typically shows trust and connection. The show does this so consistently that it becomes an unspoken language long before the first season concludes. It's a fantastic way of feeling the emotional walls between people and seeing when they are torn down.

By the end of the show they are doing victory laps with themed episodes and all 3 of them are some of the best I've seen in my life.

S3E5 is a simulated one take during a riot that captures the frantic energy of the heist and chaos of protestors breaking into the E Corp building amazingly.

S4E5 is a no dialogue episode and pulls a similar trick to the above, utilizing silence for a better payoff.

S4E7 is the best episode of television I've seen in my life. An hour long bottle episode structured like a 5 act play.

This show changed my brain chemistry forever. I wish I had found it in my past life. I would have loved to have done watch parties as it aired.

Castlevania: Nocturne - I am reserving judgment until later. I enjoyed the first season. Olrox is wonderful. I just don't have enough to bite into to really feel invested. I didn't get into the first show until season 2 so we'll see how this one develops.

Scott Pilgrim Takes Off - Watched it in one sitting with Sleepyhead. It was a fun little show made with a ton of love. I don't have anything deep to say about it. It was nice to see and I enjoyed watching it.

Video Games

If I've gone off of movies then I'm entirely off of games. I haven't really anticipated a game enough to preorder it since God of War Ragnarok, though a part of this is that I see no reason to upgrade to PS5 and my machine isn't powerful enough to play Alan Wake II or Cyberpunk. I likely would have bought Spider-Man 2 if I had a PS5 and would have regretted it and would have bought Metal Gear Solid Master Collection if I were still playing games and also regretted it.

For disclosure we watched a few games on YouTube. Spider-Man 2, Anatomy, Signalis and Slay The Princess most notably. But we're not going to type about the ones we watched. Feels unfair to judge something we didn't experience directly. Though it means we can't (well, chose not to) type about MyHouse and that's a shame because we watched SO much about that! We learned so much about programming from it!

So bonus thoughts "MyHouse fills us with awe and envy over what can be accomplished with existing engines and should be mandatory inspiration for any game dev who is trying to think inside the box" "Spider-Man 2 seems like a better game to play than watch, the game failed on every possible level with the concept of Symbiote controlled Peter. They could have had us fight as him and have no dialogue. They could have had us fight us Miles while Peter is violent and silent. They could have had a sequence of Peter (or Miles) fleeing Kraven while feeling hunted and then use the same concepts for Peter chasing MJ... they failed to do anything to amplify the story and it fell flat. Watching it was a chore." "Signalis is a work of art and I will play it and post full thoughts one of these days" "Anatomy is the scariest fucking thing I've ever played and I wish I didn't check the authors other games. The concept of a user violating a work of art by interacting with it is clearly their obsession and they have done it 3 or 4 times with the exact same framework. Anatomy feels like a complete and whole product in a way the others don't. I am too cowardly to play this myself." "Slay the Princess feels like a game tailor made for someone I care about. It made me miss them while letting me feel close to their memory. The fractured/distorted reality path caused me to have a panic attack."

Disco Elysium - Such an interesting little point and click adventure this is. I found the first few hours deeply frustrating as it is a fully immersive sim with the concept of throwing you into the role of an amnesiac cop in a post revolution community that is trying its hardest to stand upright after being through decades of hardship. It really wants to explore the painful reality of being in decline and caught between the fantasy of a better yesterday and the fantasy of a better tomorrow.

It is also a failure simulator.

In that regard it succeeds perfectly. I was forced to feel the kind of useless that reality offers when I am asked to perform with authority a task that I have absolutely no basis of how to do whatsoever.

Failing continuously during the early game is important to establishing your understanding of the mechanics and grounding how you will adapt. My earliest actions were reprehensible in universe because I could not grasp or master mechanics enough to insert my will upon the character. That, however, is one of the failings of the game in my mind. You are ranked for everything you do (in one of a slim number of cookie-cutter endings - to the point of which this PARODY of how lacking they are comes up first when you type "Disco Elysium Ending" into YouTube) and it feels a little like the game wants you to grapple with the politics and morals of reality via how you interact in game and though it succeeds in many regards it does fail when gameplay mechanics get in the way.

For the most part I loved the breakdown of the city that stands proud and shapes the people within it. I loved the explorations into moral philosophy and I truly enjoyed the comedy, no matter how dark it got. Harry is an absolute human disaster (my Disco Elysium tag is "Human Disaster") and I was endeared.

My final complaint is that it suffers the same bullshit that Donnie Darko does. This is a lovely narrative about the resilience of cultures and community that is buried in the brickwork, it's a beautiful critique on how to live with existential despair and a takedown of overly indulging in pain/regret or rejecting reality and living in pure fantasy. As a moral piece and as a take on philosophy it is second only to NieR:Automata in my mind... BUT... There's the fucking Pale.

I do not think this game benefits from Deep Lore and a dive into What's Really Happening with reality unfolding and the dump of information surrounding it. Like Donnie Darko the fiction's themes are fine on their own and require no supernatural/sci-fi explination for 50 minute YouTube deep dive videos.

Everyone talks about the church sidequest being the best in the game but I resented having this human story warped by the existential dread of a supernatural oblivion, even if it's a stand-in for climate grief.

Night in the Woods - I loved this one far more than I expected. Someone I cared for deeply insisted I play it when it was new but it wasn't until I got it in a charity games bundle that I was willing to give it a shot.

The snapshots of growing up are not things I can relate to. I'm an English city girl from poverty who never went to college. The melancholy of America's forgotten cities and the abandonment of their communities was as alien to me as Revachol from Disco Elysium. I say that because much of the fan reaction I've observed talks of how relatable the game is.

What I did find though was a rich character driven story that was able to get vibes across well. I really like how the game wanted to make us get on the same page of frustration with Mae's parents without making Mae's parents bad. Having them not pick her up from the bus station and seeing the seeds of their resentment to her failure in college really helped me view them through an imperfect lens. I fear if the opening was not introducing us to Mae in such a sympathetic manner then some audience may have rejected her for being as immature and unreliable as she seems at first before we learn of her mental issues.

The mechanic of the towns people you forge connections with showing up at the church was dearly appreciated, though I found much of the optional mechanics of the game to become chores by the end. I did not want to go to the subway and the edge of the town every single day to see if I could advance the plot with the teens so I gave up on it. Poetry neighbor was cool though.

All in all I enjoyed it. I throw "Die Anywhere Else" on sometimes as a feel good track and my favorite sequence was the party in the college town.

Oh and I chose to ignore (or just disregard the legitimacy of) the supernatural elements for the same reason as Elysium. The story works just fine without ancient gods in the mine and cat gods in dreams.

Tears of the Kingdom - TotK was what kept me sane while I was bed ridden. I did not enjoy the absolute freedom. I seldom do in video games, but the sheer expanse of mapping the depths kept me going for a long while.

Dungeons were better this time but I still find myself longing for OoT and Wind Waker's style.

I found much of my enjoyment to come from watching Sleepyhead and Copper playing the game or hearing about Daja's campaign. It's simply not my type of game. A good distraction but I long for something which feels like I'm working towards something and most of modern Nintendo is designed to keep you in a gameplay loop forever with no satisfaction of completion.

Had the map not have been a tangible accomplishment I may have ended up disappointed. Game design is rapidly moving away from my interests. God of War Ragnarok may well be the final game I end up buying new and loving.

The Room Franchise - As a matter of love towards Daja I played one of her all-time favorite game series. Puzzle boxes and many of them. Room 3 is the best by a wide country mile. I enjoyed the aesthetic and found myself trying to get through each room as swiftly as possible. Each game was a single sitting for me but I enjoyed them. Plus the anniversary sale made the franchise barely cost anything.

Sonic Frontiers - I did not enjoy it. I hear that Sega kept working on it and it's actually a good game now but I played it when new and it was... well a modern Sonic game.

Penlight - I have an entire tag dedicated to how much I enjoyed it and Turq, Sleepyhead and I have a Discord chat titled The ENTIRE Penlight Fandom where we share theories, headcanons and story ideas.

Fact of the matter is it is a visual novel that takes a lifetime of existing in the hypnosis community and creates every single cautionary tale we could think of as a community. Angela DeMille knows her stuff and wants you to know how beautiful and incredible hypnosis can be with clear communication, trust and vulnerability and how horrific it can be without those things.

There is a policy of "no good endings for unethical choices" that I truly appreciate. Just check my tag. I wrote tens of thousands of words about how much I enjoyed the game.

I think I got everything?

May edit later? Idk. Anyway! I typed a thing!

#personal #TAG TIME!#DID #watch me post my trauma in public #human disaster #sayori is best girl #domo arigato mr alderson #scott pilgrim's precious little tag #its mahvul baybe #spider posting #odds bobs #the word house in these tags is written in blue #razor is best girl #gannon banned #weird autumn #vania

4 notes · View notes

sunstonespells · 1 year

Text

an appreciation post for my partner, because i don't get to brag about him enough:

- he video calls me every day on his way home from work because he misses me and doesn't want to wait until he gets home to see me

- keeps our house clean and organized better than anyone i have ever lived with

- never wants me to help him carry the groceries in cause he doesn't want me to be uncomfortable

- indulges in my interests to the extreme, and buys me just about any sanrio or squishmallow treat i find

- always tells me not to rush or get hung up on prices (within reason) when we're shopping, combatting a lot of my guilt complexes

- plays my favorite board game with me even though it's a word game and he's not a words person

- watches musicals, reality shows, and documentaries with me even when they aren't in his wheelhouse

- will play games with my family without me if we go to visit them and i need to go rest, but always comes to check on me

- cooks dinner for the family from scratch multiple days a week

- will build furniture, re-arrange a room, spend hours decorating, and always completes a project. has endless patience while doing so and stays calm and not frustrated even when the process is super irritating or tedious

- says "we" did it when he accomplishes something, because i support him and hold things down at home so he always gives me credit when he does well

- does jigsaw puzzles and builds lego with me; he gets the star wars sets and i organize the pieces for him to build, and sometimes we take turns doing pages, and he buys me the botanical sets for holiday gifts

- takes care of all of the laundry, and he works retail so he folds everything perfectly

- left me fully in control of making decisions during my pregnancy, even though he already has two kids. he would tell me his experiences and things to consider, but empowered me pick every baby product and make every medical decision

- i've never heard him raise his voice except to yell "HEY" to break up the kids when they're arguing and getting loud, before bringing it back down

- talks every day about marrying me, our plans for the future and the quality of life he wants to give me and our family and what he's willing to do to get us there

- coordinates his outfits with me and the kids when we go anywhere, has matching shoes with me, lets me wear anything of his that i want, wears my necklaces

- will let me go off for hours about my special interests while he asks questions. he recently has been asking me about queer identities and lgbt history

- never judges me for my health issues (that i'm very self-conscious about) and tells me to relax and not be hard on myself when i'm not feeling well. he never gets mad at me for not doing enough or pushing myself and will pick up extra daddy duties around the house to let me rest

- regularly takes me on dates and makes sure we get grown up time to spend with other adults so i don't feel like i'm only a mom, and encourages me to make plans with my friends and visit my hometown while he's working

- is an active parent who is determined to give the kids experiences. we pretty consistently take them out to see family and friends, trampoline parks, ice skating, mini golfing, bowling, play zones, zoos, pools, parks, beaches, arcades, etc. even when he's fully exhausted

- helps me do my hair when i try to style it and i get frustrated cause i can't see the back and i don't know what i'm doing

- re-arranged half of the house to be able to make me plant shelves out on our apartment balcony so that i can start keeping plants again, and got me my dream plant (pink princess philodendron)

- will do arts and crafts projects with me and the kids, and will cook meals with me and the kids. he let me teach him how to bake and we all made cookies together

- let me paint his nails and color his hair, has gotten his nails done with me at a nail studio, and will pick my nail colors/shapes for me

- dramatically sings lewis capaldi with me in the shower and washes my hair and cleans my glasses

- has a great butt

#personal #anh #i could go on for days tbh #my life is unreal

3 notes · View notes

corvidcall · 2 years

Text

I posted 18,037 times in 2022

That's 1,739 more posts than 2021!

401 posts created (2%)

17,636 posts reblogged (98%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@sassytail

@omgitsseddie

@blazing-spectre

@starlit-mansion

I tagged 3,204 of my posts in 2022

#anime life - 339 posts

#hermitcraft - 176 posts

#iswm - 127 posts

#homestuck - 106 posts

#fnaf - 96 posts

#ofmd - 88 posts

#deltarune - 80 posts

#markcu - 75 posts

#disco elysium - 60 posts

#splatoon - 54 posts

Longest Tag: 140 characters

#yucky but its fine for other people i guess. good in other things but gross as a primary condiment. yummy!!!! i love mushrooms. yucky and gi

My Top Posts in 2022:

i had a dream last night where i was in a high stakes game of magic the gathering, and even though im very bad at magic the gathering, i was extremely winning because WotC just came out with a new set of cards for like. Pride i guess? and they didnt want to seem homophobic so they were very OP.

anyway heres my best recreation of two of the gay mtg cards

(the lyrics on the lesbian card are from Dodie's song "She" - I don't remember exactly if those were the lyrics on the card but i DO remember looking at it and going "oh i guess they got Dodie involved in this? ok")

110 notes - Posted April 16, 2022

i think it's really funny when people criticize something they don't like by calling it "soulless". saw someone say that about squishmallows, and said that instead of buying that soullless crap, you could spend the same amount of money buying a real stuffed animal

now, i don't care if they do or don't like squishmallows, but i am fascinated by the premise. squishmallows dont have souls, but other stuffed animals do? is toy story real? are beanie babies going to christian heaven?

319 notes - Posted September 19, 2022

None Of You Know What Haiku Are

I'm going to preface this by saying that i am not an expert in ANY form of poetry, just an enthusiast. Also, this post is... really long. Too long? Definitely too long. Whoops! I love poetry.

If you ask most English-speaking people (or haiku-bot) what a haiku is, they would probably say that it's a form of poetry that has 3 lines, with 5, and then 7, and then 5 syllables in them. That's certainly what I was taught in school when we did our scant poetry unit, but since... idk elementary school when I learned that, I've learned that that's actually a pretty inaccurate definition of haiku. And I think that inaccurate definition is a big part of why most people (myself included until relatively recently!) think that haiku are kind of... dumb? unimpressive? simple and boring? I mean, if you can just put any words with the right number of syllables into 3 lines, what makes it special?

Well, let me get into why the 5-7-5 understanding of haiku is wrong, and also what makes haiku so special (with examples)!

First of all, Japanese doesn't have syllables! There's a few different names for what phonetic units actually make up the language- In Japanese, they're called "On" (音), which translates to "sound", although English-language linguists often call it a "mora" (μ), which (quoting from Wikipedia here) "is a basic timing unit in the phonology of some spoken languages, equal to or shorter than a syllable." (x) "Oh" is one syllable, and also one mora, whereas "Oi" has one syllable, but two moras. "Ba" has one mora, "Baa" has two moras, etc. In English, we would say that a haiku is made up of three lines, with 5-7-5 syllables in them, 17 syllables total. In Japanese, that would be 17 sounds.

For an example of the difference, the word "haiku", in English, has 2 syllables (hai-ku), but in Japanese, はいく has 3 sounds (ha-i-ku). "Christmas" has 2 syllables, but in Japanese, "クリスマス" (ku-ri-su-ma-su) is 5 sounds! that's a while line on its own! Sometimes the syllables are the same as the sounds ("sushi" is two syllables, and すし is two sounds), but sometimes they're very different.

In addition, words in Japanese are frequently longer than their English equivalents. For example, the word "cuckoo" in Japanese is "ほととぎす" (hototogisu).

Now, I'm sure you're all very impressed at how I can use an English to Japanese dictionary (thank you, my mother is proud), but what does any of this matter? So two languages are different. How does that impact our understanding of haiku?

Well, if you think about the fact that Japanese words are frequently longer than English words, AND that Japanese counts sounds and not syllables, you can see how, "based purely on a 17-syllable counting method, a poet writing in English could easily slip in enough words for two haiku in Japanese” (quote from Grit, Grace, and Gold: Haiku Celebrating the Sports of Summer by Kit Pancoast Nagamura). If you're writing a poem using 17 English syllables, you are writing significantly more content than is in an authentic Japanese haiku.

(Also not all Japanese haiku are 17 sounds at all. It's really more of a guideline.)

Focusing on the 5-7-5 form leads to ignoring other strategies/common conventions of haiku, which personally, I think are more interesting! Two of the big ones are kigo, a season word, and kireji, a cutting word.

Kigo are words/phrases/images associated with a particular season, like snow for winter, or cherry blossoms for spring. In Japan, they actually publish reference books of kigo called saijiki, which is basically like a dictionary or almanac of kigo, describing the meaning, providing a list of related words, and some haiku that use that kigo. Using a a particular kigo both grounds the haiku in a particular time, but also alludes to other haiku that have used the same one.

Kireji is a thing that doesn't easily translate to English, but it's almost like a spoken piece of punctuation, separating the haiku into two parts/images that resonate with and add depth to each other. Some examples of kireji would be "ya", "keri", and "kana." Here's kireji in action in one of the most famous haiku:

古池や　蛙飛び込む　水の音 (Furu ike ya　kawazu tobikomu　mizu no oto) (The old pond — A frog jumps in The sound of the water.)

You can see the kireji at the end of the first line- 古池や literally translates to "old pond ya". The "ya" doesn't have linguistic meaning, but it denotes the separation between the two focuses of the haiku. First, we are picturing a pond. It's old, mature. The water is still. And then there's a frog! It's spring and he's fresh and new to the world! He jumps into the pond and goes "splash"! Wowie! When I say "cutting word", instead of say, a knife cutting, I like to imagine a film cut. The camera shows the pond, and then it cuts to the frog who jumps in.

English doesn't really have a version of this, at least not one that's spoken, but in English language haiku, people will frequently use a dash or an ellipses to fill the same role.

Format aside, there are also some conventions of the actual content, too. They frequently focus on nature, and are generally use direct language without metaphor. They use concrete images without judgement or analysis, inviting the reader to step into their shoes and imagine how they'd feel in the situation. It's not about describing how you feel, so much as it's about describing what made you feel.

Now, let's put it all together, looking at a haiku written Yosa Buson around 1760 (translated by Harold G. Henderson)

The piercing chill I feel: my dead wife's comb, in our bedroom, under my heel

We've got our kigo with "the piercing chill." We read that, and we imagine it's probably winter. It's cold, and the kind of cold wind that cuts through you. There's our kireji- this translation uses a colon to differentiate our two images: the piercing chill, and the poet stepping on his dead wife's comb. There's no descriptions of what the poet is feeling, but you can imagine stepping into his shoes. You can imagine the pain he's experiencing in that moment on your own.

"But tumblr user corvidcall!" I hear you say, "All the examples you've used so far are Japanese haiku that have been translated! Are you implying that it's impossible for a good haiku to be written in English?" NO!!!!! I love English haiku! Here's a good example, which won first place in the 2000 Henderson haiku contest, sponsored by the Haiku Society of America:

meteor shower . . . a gentle wave wets our sandals

When you read this one, can you imagine being in the poet's place? Do you feel the surprise as the tide comes in? Do you feel the summer-ness of the moment? Haiku are about describing things with the senses, and how you take in the world around you. In a way, it's like the poet is only setting a scene, which you inhabit and fill with meaning based on your own experiences. You and I are imagining different beaches, different waves, different people that make up the "our" it mentioned.

"Do I HAVE to include all these things when I write haiku? If I include all these things, does that mean my haiku will be good?" I mean, I don't know. What colors make up a good painting? What scenes make up a good play? It's a creative medium, and nobody can really tell you you can't experiment with form. Certainly not me! But I think it's important to know what the conventions of the form are, so you can appreciate good examples of it, and so you can know what you're actually experimenting with. And I mean... I'm not the poetry cops. But if you're not interested in engaging with the actual conventions and limitations of the form, then why are you even using that form?

I'll leave you with one more English language haiku, which is probably my favorite haiku ever. It was written by Tom Bierovic, and won first place at the 2021 Haiku Society of America Haiku Awards

a year at most . . . we pretend to watch the hummingbirds

Sources: (x) (x) (x) (x) (x) (x)