#but it’s absolutely in my Top Five Alpha Beta expressions it’s so good

[cogneato-inc]

Art be upon ye

A couple sketches that I don’t like as much under the cut-

[shinesurge]

I’ve been holding off on making this post because I wanted to try it out myself and get settled in and make sure everything went okay, but seeing as I’ve gone ahead and updated my site and everything I thought now might be a good time to start talking about this publicly! 

If you’ve known me for more than five minutes you know I fucking hate Webtoon, like, a lot. Every aspect of it disgusts me to the core of my being, and while Webtoon is the ugliest version of them the aspects that I hate also extend to basically any comic aggregate site. I hate that they treat artists like content robots, I hate that they treat comic readers like morons who aren’t capable of engaging with complex stories, I hate that they actively try to strip away all the cool parts of indie comics by cultivating sterile and impersonal environments that discourage artistic experimentation and unique expression.

So! I hope you’ll be interested in what I have to say about this new platform that’s (hopefully) going to be out of alpha this summer. If you think you like reading comics on Webtoon, I really encourage you to check out Dillyhub once it launches. That’s the short version, but I have a LOT to say about this! So I’m putting the rest of this under a cut.

Full disclosure, I’m not getting paid or anything for this. The creative outreach at Dillyhub contacted me a few weeks ago asking if I’d be interested in having Kidd Commander be one of their launch titles when they go live this summer. I was hesitant at first, since I actively distrust anything claiming to be For Creators at this point, but they answered my pushy questions patiently and everything seemed on the up and up so I gave it a shot; I’ve been needing a mobile mirror for KC anyway. Eventually they invited me to the alpha creator discord, where they’ve been working directly with all of us artists to improve the platform, and now to be honest I’m REALLY excited for this thing to get off the ground. Nobody asked me to make this post, but since I’ve spent years whining and bitching about how other services do wrong by their creators, I thought I’d talk about this one that’s doing things right.

So, the biggest advantage this site has for creators over others in my opinion is that it. Treats us like individuals, regardless of follower count lmfao. If you’re a new person just starting out with your new webcomic, here’s what webtoon does for you:

Note: you don’t get a custom banner, you don’t even get to choose the solid color it is. That big circle icon is ALSO the image that shows up in searches, but everywhere else on the site it’s a 100x100px square, so you have to choose whether you want it to look good as a giant circle at the top of your comic’s page OR whether you want to look good in search results. Which, by the way, is the ONLY way for people to find you if you’re not partnered. And that’s it! You have no monetization options, you won’t show up on the genre pages, and when someone DOES stumble across your page it looks super unprofessional. Good Luck! 

Now here’s my Dillyhub page(s):

You don’t get a static banner and one icon, you get a whole carousel banner with as many images as you want front and center as soon as you get to the project page. You get seven (custom!) genre tags, as opposed to Webtoon’s single tag you have to pick from their list, and plenty of room to talk about your work. The episodes are even laid out better, you get a MUCH bigger preview space to work with and they’re nice and big on the bottom half of the page:

you know, like they’re actually presenting ART lmfao.

That’s already an ENORMOUS improvement, but here’s my favorite thing.

o hm that’s a lot of super cushy settings I have for every individual episode, but what’s that, Episode Type?

LIKE.

listen, i know this is probably a bit specialized if you’re not a comic maker yourself, but this is a HUGE DEAL. You can post vertically OR page by page! You can even post pages two at a time for double page spreads, or so they read like a physical comic book! AND their specs are really open, as long as the file meets the size requirement you can make it whatever shape you want. You don’t have to reformat all your shit to post here!! I posted the entire first volume of KC STRAIGHT FROM THE PRINT FILES in like half an hour!!! The episodes can also be any amount of pages, you can post a single page or an entire chapter all in one go!

So that’s just the project page for the comic, let’s see what happens when I click on my username there.

Each author gets their own unique page (which you can tack a vanity url to!) to present themselves however they want! You always have the banner at the top, but beyond that you have a ton of options. Among other incredibly useful tools that really should just be bare fucking minimum at this point, like the ability to preview your page on different devices, you start customizing your blank page with this set of widgets,

and from THERE you can customize them MORE, you can promote your patreon or your kickstarter or whatever! Having this creator space ALSO means that if you run several comics, or if you want to promote your comic AND your illustrations, you can just separate them into individual projects! Each with their own page! This is also really nice as a reader because you can subscribe to a creator but you can also just subscribe to specific projects, if you don’t want to get ALL of their stuff in your inbox. It’s so good y’all hh.

Once again, all of this functionality is just THERE as soon as you make your account. You don’t need to be “partnered” or whatever the fuck, you don’t need to meet a certain follower threshold to unlock the ability to operate normally. You get your own creator space to present yourself how you prefer, you get pages for all your projects, you can even set up monetization options (and change them for individual pages IN a project) right from the start.

ok ok let’s compare this to my webtoon page

oh that’s right webtoon just puts your greyed out name at the bottom of each comic and that’s it because human beings don’t make this stuff, my bad lol anyway

Other fun shit that Dillyhub does that makes me feel like they’re people who have actually consumed or made comics on the internet at some point in their lives:

-When you log into the “studio” space, you’re in your creator account. When you log OUT of the studio space, it’s like you swap to a “reader” account, where you can access your pull list and comment on things with a different name and profile icon. Again, maybe only cool if you’re a creator, but if you ARE then you know exactly why this is incredibly useful lmao

-You can set up “hidden” projects, so if you only want certain things to be accessible by certain people or to not show up in searches that’s an option! You have SO much control here it’s great.

-The comment section has moderation options GODDD. You also have a real comment space, you know, so it actually encourages building a community (and a rapport with your community, if you like), and you also can just turn comments off entirely if you want! I haven’t used it much yet, obviously, but it’s been made very clear in the discord that artists want better control over their comment sections and the devs have it on their priority list.

-Absolutely every step of customization gives you a preview before it’s live, so you can easily see what these images you’re posting in different places are going to look like before you beam them to your followers’ inboxes. This includes individual episodes!

-This was sort of in one of the screenshots but it’s important so I’m saying it here too: the option to mark individual episodes as mature or with content warnings, rather than having to mark an entire comic as Mature Spooky Scary Content because of one or two pages getting a bit hairy.

This site is only in alpha right now, and it’s invite-only until they get to beta (for creators; anyone can make a reader account! but they haven’t set up a way to browse comics without direct links yet so) but honest to god it’s already blowing every other site I’ve used clean out of the water. And the staff has been really kind and responsive to us proposing fixes or changes! I will always defend individual websites as being the best option for an indie comic, but everybody’s gotta start somewhere and we NEED something that isn’t Tumblr or Webtoon to fill this role; this site feels a lot more like a symbiotic relationship than any of the other staples available for new creators right now. If you’re a comic reader and you want to see your favorite comics on Dillyhub I’d suggest keeping an eye on this site and once it’s live start poking them to look into it, and if you’re a creator follow their social media and hop in when they open up for anybody to join. I would LOVE to see this site take off as a viable option for hosting and reading comics.

Thanks for reading all this! I haven’t quite finished setting up yet, but if you want to poke around a project/creator page for yourself mine is here have at it. As things progress I’m sure I’ll have more to say, but since I’m usually so aggressively negative about places like this I just wanted to give some credit where it was due. fucking finally.

[wild-chaser]

I will go down fighting (myself)

Summary: The war has ended, but some people still can't let go of their anger.

Liam gets to experience it first hand and struggles to keep his wolf at bay. But how long can he keep his head down when the violence doesn't seem to stop? How much can be endured before somebody does something unforgiveable?

 Theo is not willing to wait idly and he takes matters in his own hands.

AO3:  http://archiveofourown.org/works/12684918

___________________________

  Liam knew that with his IED he might not be perceived as the most reliable member of the McCall pack, but never did he suspect it may come this far. And yet here he was, sitting on his own couch, in his own house, while the pack – and his parents, god dammit! – were all gathered around him, holding a friggin’ intervention.

The old pack was mostly out of town, only Scott still lingered in Beacon Hills when it happened, but even if he wasn’t, he would have come back anyways. It was too serious to discuss by phone. Other than Scott, there was only Mason, Corey and his parents, but it still felt like too many people.

The fact that earlier this morning Liam’s parents had been called to the school, because some students had been found beaten to a bloody pulp in the locker room might have something to do with this situation. However, the fact remains that…

“Guys, for the last time, I had nothing to do with it,” repeated Liam for what felt like the thousandth time in the last fifteen minutes. His resigned tone of voice showed that he didn’t even hope that somebody would change their mind – it seemed like everyone had already decided who was at fault.

“Liam, come on, just stop it.” Scott almost begged him, clearly frustrated by this whole ordeal. Liam knew none of them wanted to do that, stand in front of him, basically judge his actions and discipline him, but that’s exactly what was happening anyways. “They had claw marks on them.”

This statement just pissed Liam off, but he tried to keep his temper on a tight leash. Neither the pack nor his parents needed to see him lose control right now, it would prove exactly the opposite of what he was trying to tell them – and Liam really didn’t want these people to trust him even less, if that’s even possible after today’s incident.

“I know, Scott, you’ve mentioned it like thirteen times already!” Hissed Liam, because even if he didn’t lose his temper, something needed to be said in response to Scott’s bullshit accusations. “But it doesn’t make me any guiltier, I’m not the only werewolf in this town.”

The silence that followed his words was horrible, because Liam could tell that all these people still thought he’d done that and were simply frustrated by his stubbornness. What was absolutely the worst was that even Mason… while he looked uncomfortable and worried, still stood on the intervention side. Liam’s parents were also present, but Liam couldn’t really blame them for the distressed looks they gave him. Really, they just found out about the supernatural side of Beacon Hills a couple weeks ago. Admittedly, they took it quite well, but began worrying a lot more about Liam’s IED ever since. This is understandable, because Liam could be violent as a human, and him being a werewolf only amplified those outbursts of anger. He was dangerous before, after the bite he could be lethal.  

Which didn’t change the simple fact that He. Did. Not. Do. It.

“Liam, we just want to help you,” assured Scott. “But you cannot let the wolf side take control like that, even if… somebody causes you trouble.”

And that, that is simply unfair, thinks Liam, squeezing himself into the couch even more, as if it could help him escape the stares.

“Awesome”, he replied dryly. “So, we’re talking about it now.” He let out a shallow breath. “Who told you?”

Unexpectedly, it was his stepfather who replied.

“Actually, we did,” he said. “The headmaster at your school mentioned that those boys might have… bullied you.”

Liam really didn’t want to be rude, but he snorted at his words anyway.

“Mentioned? Bullied?” He repeated incredulously. “Woah, how very observant of him.”

The sardonic comment hung in the air for a moment, but Scott broke the silence.

“Even so, Liam, that’s not how you should deal with such problems.”

Liam gritted his teeth and glared at Scott.

“Well then, oh mighty Alpha, please enlighten me!” Liam raised his chin defiantly and opened his arms, as if waiting for explanation. “What was I supposed to do? Visit a school counselor?!” He mocked openly, making everyone flinch at sheer mention of Monroe.

“You could have gone to any teacher, Liam. The Anuk-Ite is gone, they are not so blindly afraid of us anymore.” Scotts voice was stern, parental, and Liam was done with Scott’s naïve philosophy.

“Well, you’re right, they are just slightly less-blindly afraid of us, so that’s wonderful.” Liam’s eyes began to hurt from the amount of eye rolling he did during this conversation. On the other hand, he never thought he could be that sarcastic, but let’s face it – he never thought he would end up in such a situation either.

“Wake up, Scott,” Liam added more seriously this time. “The teachers knew. And they. Did. Nothing. You heard my parents, right?” Liam snorted again. “The headmaster mentioned that I might have been bullied… as if all they did was trip me up or spill soda all over me!”

That last sentence made all the people raise their eyebrows with worry, and Scott was not an exception. Apparently, he, Mason and Corey remembered all too well what Gabe and Nolan did to him during the war. Thankfully, his parents were spared that view and now they only looked around with confusion.

“What did these boys do to you?” Asked his mother finally, as if being afraid of what she may hear. And this one question hung in the air for a moment, when all the people holding the intervention realized that they might have started it from the wrong end.

Liam also stayed quiet, suddenly not so outspoken. His fists tightened, but it didn’t look like he was holding back his anger. The white knuckles, tightly-pressed lips and round shoulders also pointed towards a different emotion. Nervousness. Apprehension. A tiny spark of fear and even tiniest spark of embarrassment.

“Doesn’t matter now, does it?” Liam finally managed a quiet reply, and then he added with a bit more power to his voice: “They probably won’t do it again, after all.”

Which, on second thought, might not have been the best comment in that particular situation, realized Liam when all the looks turned from worried to disappointed in a split second.  But that was also the whole point here – they expected him to feel guilty, they believed he should show some remorse for his behavior, for succumbing to his IED; and saw nothing of the sort. Firstly, because he wouldn’t admit to the deed. Secondly, because even if he had not been at fault, he should have felt bad for the boys. Or, at the very least, he shouldn’t express his vindictiveness so openly.

Well, Liam might have felt bad if the situation concerned anyone but them. Which doesn’t mean they got off easy. Oh no, they wouldn’t leave hospital for quite some time, and even after that they would spend a lot of money on implanting fake front teeth. Also, they would probably need some screws to keep their jaws in place for a while. The poetic cherry on top for Liam was the fact that their legs were all broken in four or five places, which would heal, but it was going to be a long and painful process.

It didn’t make him look less guilty when he wasn’t able to fake sympathy for them convincingly enough. But hell, Liam was no actor and pretending to be sorry wasn’t easy when all he actually felt was relief. Also, let’s be clear, the motherfuckers got exactly what they deserved, no less. Liam sensibly refrained from saying that comment out loud, but he was sure he had it written all over his face with capital letters.

“Liam, their parents’ will probably go to the police with that. You need to come clear now, otherwise it will be much harder for us to help you,” came the voice of reason from his stepfather. Liam appreciated the fact that, while still believing he had beaten up those guys, his stepdad wanted to fight for him. However, Liam would appreciate it more if he simply believed his word.

“Then let them go to the police,” Liam replied defiantly, folding his arms across his chest. “Cause I did not do it and the police won’t be able to prove otherwise. Because It. Did. Not. Happen.” He added though the gritted teeth.

His stepdad sighed in defeat and asked at last:

“If you didn’t do it, maybe you know who did? Or maybe at least suspect somebody?”

And then Liam froze. His heart skipped a beat, which Scott noticed at once.

“You know who did it!” Realized Scott loudly, his eyes widening in surprise. “Why didn’t you tell right from the start?”

Liam huffed shortly.

“It’s not like you even asked before,” he observed coldly. “And I don’t know who did it,” he added as an afterthought.

Scott looked at him in confusion.

“Liam, but you know I can hear you’re lying.”

“Yeah.” Liam just shrugged. “But that’s going to be my official version anyway. So, don’t bother asking.” And his voice was firm, showing that it wasn’t something he decided to do on the spur of the moment.

 Suddenly, a new voice rang from the window. The window, which suddenly was open.

“Hey, little wolf, you don’t have to protect me, you know.”

Liam recognized the voice immediately and cursed not-so-subtly under his breath.

Theo closed the window after himself and even tucked the curtain back as it was before. Then he turned back and faced six confused stares. “It’s not like I’m going to knock,” he commented unapologetically with his trademark smirk.

“What the hell are you doing here, Theo?” Asked Scott, because he was the first to shrug off the surprise.

“You should really take care of your little beta a bit better, Scott.” Began Theo with a condescending tone. “You haven’t been a good Alpha lately, seriously, I’m disappointed.” It didn’t sound so mockingly as Theo wanted it to be. There was a note of actual disappointment there, but maybe only Liam’s well-practiced ear was able to pick it up. And Liam wasn’t going to advertise that he was getting good at reading Theo’s voice.  

“What do you mean?” Asked Scott and he wasn’t as dismissive as Theo expected. Scott asked as if he actually wanted to Theo to tell him. Well, if that was the case, Theo could do better than just tell.  

 § a few days earlier §

 The first time it happened, Theo just wanted to be an asshole. That’s it, swear to the non-existent God. He wasn’t sure himself what he was doing at school long after school hours – especially that he wasn’t even a student there. Actually, he was checking up on Liam, who stayed inside suspiciously long, even though all his friends had gone home already. Theo just wasn’t sure why he was checking up on Liam, but that’s another story completely. He might have been stalking keeping tabs on the little beta since the war ended, which was a behavior he couldn’t explain rationally even to himself, let alone to anybody else. Theo just… felt better knowing where Liam was. Calmer. More stable. As if Liam’s presence was somehow keeping him grounded in reality. Thinking of Liam also helped Theo keep the nightmares away. It didn’t work every night, unfortunately, but once every few nights was also a satisfying achievement.

Anyway, he ventured towards the locker rooms and heard them. A couple of teenage boys, sixteen or seventeen years old, yelling some slurs and obscenities at somebody lying on the ground, taunting that person viciously.

“What, you think we’re scared of you?!” Yelled a slender, brown-haired boy while giving the person a brutal kick in the stomach. “Just look at you! Pathetic! Come on, wolfie, growl at me! You know you can stop us! Don’t hold back!” Teased the teen, kicking again and again.

As Theo came closer, he noticed Liam lying on the floor, his whole face covered in fresh blood and his nose broken in at least two places. Theo supposed it was hard to break a nose more times than that, but apparently the guys were really persistent in their trials.

Theo wasn’t really concerned about this situation. Liam was a werewolf after all, he could surely handle a couple of teenage human boys with one of his hands tied behind his back. So, Theo just decided to stay hidden and wait for Liam’s shift. Maybe only then would he enter the scene and make sure Liam doesn’t mess any of them too badly. On second thought, Theo took his phone out and started recording the situation, just in case… you know, Liam got into trouble for defending himself and needed something to back up his version Liam got too cocky and needed a visible reminder of his fragile self-control, with which Theo could tease him later.

So, Theo recorded the gruesome scene happening in front of his eyes, waiting for Liam’s shift, which… never happened. Liam just stayed down, gritted “Go to hell” and “Fuck off” once or twice and curled himself to protect his internal organs and his head.

“Oh no! You don’t get to make a martyr of yourself, you beast! Show your true colors!” Shouted another teen, grabbing Liam’s hair violently and forcing the werewolf to look up at him. “That’s for Gabe!” The boy hit Liam’s jaw with his knee, making Liam’s head bounce off the lockers with a thud. When Liam didn’t respond, just stayed with his back propped up on the lockers, breathing heavily but otherwise silent, the teens just kicked him couple more times.

“We’ll get back to this conversation, Dunbar,” they threatened vaguely, grabbed their bags and left, which actually surprised Theo, because why would they stop if they didn’t achieve what they had come for? Liam didn’t change, did he? Wasn’t it what they wanted?

Theo left that thread of thought for a while, observing Liam instead. The werewolf wasn’t quick to get up, quite the contrary. He breathed loudly for couple minutes, as if trying to calm himself down. When his breath stabilized, he just sat with his legs stretched in front of him and slowly raised his hands to inspect them for injuries. Slowly the minor cuts began healing themselves and some bruises faded before they even fully came out.

That’s when Theo decided to step out of shadows. Liam immediately raised his head, his eyes widening in surprise. Theo raised his eyebrow seeing this reaction.

“You didn’t know I was here?” He asked, taken aback.

Liam looked embarrassed. “I was a bit preoccupied, as you can see. What the hell were you even doing here? Enjoying the show, huh?” He snarled, wiping some blood from under his nose. Which didn’t really help, since he had plenty of blood on every other part of his face too.

Theo slowly came closer and hunkered down beside Liam.

“More like wondering why you let them beat you up like that.” He said quietly as he took note of Liam’s injuries. Apart from the extensive bruising on his face, it seemed like he had at least one of his wrists broken too. A second later the wrist healed with a snap that almost made Theo cringe.

“If I had let the werewolf take over, they wouldn’t have been able to walk out of here like that,” murmured Liam and tried to get up, but then growled in pain and put an arm around his stomach. Blood spouted from his mouth right onto Theo’s T-shirt.

“Dude.” Theo rolled his eyes in irritation, looking at his clothes in disgust.  

“Sorry,” mumbled Liam, not sounding particularly apologetic though. “It was dirty anyway.” He added as an afterthought.

“Was not,” denied Theo immediately, which means Liam probably hit a sore spot.

“Was too.”

“You’re an idiot.”

“And yet you’re here,” observed Liam and it made Theo shut up and look away for a moment. On second thought, Liam actually didn’t mean to say it like that. Like Theo was here because… he cared about him or something. It was ridiculous. But on the other hand, Liam couldn’t come up with any other plausible explanation for Theo’s presence. Either that, or he was just a creepy stalker; but even that had to stem from something.

“So what,” said Theo suddenly, his voice steady, as if the unexpected change in the atmosphere between them never happened at all, “you’re going to just let them beat the shit out of you, because you are afraid of your wolf?”

Liam just sighed.

“They will get bored eventually. And if I lose it, the people will never let me live it down.”

Theo huffed in disapproval, but didn’t comment on this plan.

“Can you stand up?” He asked finally, standing up himself and extending a helpful hand towards Liam. Liam took it without delay, which probably said a lot about the development of their relationship. From enemies to reluctant allies, that is.

Liam definitely did not look briefly at Theo’s mouth, thus missing Theo instinctively doing the same thing.

“Thanks,” muttered Liam and cleared this throat awkwardly, taking a step away from Theo before things got even weirder between them.

“Don’t let them do it again, little wolf. It’s not healthy,” said Theo finally, turned away and walked out of school, ignoring Liam’s shout:

“Don’t call me that, asshole!”

                §

 The next time Theo saw a similar situation happened maybe two or three days later. And had he been any less vigilant, he might have come too late. Fortunately, Liam’s tormentors weren’t trying to be quiet in the slightest, especially not to the chimera’s enhanced sense of hearing.

Theo followed the voices carefully, not really certain of whether he wanted to get involved or not. But as he entered one of the smaller alleyways near Liam’s school and took in the scene playing in front of his eyes, Theo lost all his inhibitions at once.

Liam looked basically the same as did had those couple days ago, as if he hadn’t healed at all. Crushed nose, blood flowing down his face, his lip split in two places, and that was just the description of his face. The rest wasn’t much better, but clothes made the wounds less obvious. But Theo saw the healing with his own eyes, and that meant Liam got injured anew. By the same people, who repeated the same threats again and again, apparently beating Liam with total impunity.

Theo saw red when one of the guys grabbed Liam by the throat and slammed the wolf into the nearest wall, raising him up with all the force he mustered. And suddenly, just like that, Liam was out of air. His hands grabbed the arm that was holding him, the claws immediately out and drawing blood as they pierced deeply though the boy’s skin.

The boy screamed in a way that would put a five year old girl to shame, dropping the grip on Liam’s throat and jumping away from the werewolf in panic. His companions, in a show of exceptional manhood and bravery, turned around, running away as quickly as their wobbly legs allowed them to.  They passed Theo, paying barely any attention to him, and Theo let them. He, on the contrary, paid plenty of attention to them and encoded their faces deeply in his own memory.

But there was no time for pettiness, realized Theo as he looked up at Liam. Despite the teens being gone, Liam was still not okay. As soon as the grip on his throat loosened, Liam’s legs gave up underneath him and he slid down the wall to the ground. His eyes, though they went yellow for a second, got blue again. The claws also changed back into regular nails way faster than Theo would expect.

But worst of all, Liam still couldn’t catch his breath. His eyelids fluttered, as if he was unable to keep them open for a moment, and when he finally managed it again, his eyes were filled with pure panic. Liam saw Theo running towards him, but his thoughts only concerned the air he was lacking. Liam’s chest seemed on fire, heavy and screaming for him to take in some oxygen. And Liam tried, opened his mouth in desperation, but it didn’t work.

Theo fell on his knees next to Liam and grabbed the beta’s face in his hands, making Liam look at him.

“Liam, calm the fuck down!” He screamed, his heart thumping loudly. Why was Liam not healing?! Why couldn’t he breathe?! His windpipe wasn’t crushed, and even if it was, it should have taken only a few seconds to fix! “Stop panicking! Liam!” Yelled Theo, but his words didn’t seem to get to the beta. Liam’s face paled more and more with every passing second, and Theo had no idea what to do. He summoned his inner wolf, growled loudly glaring with his yellow eyes at the beta: “HEAL!” He ordered, trying to prompt Liam’s wolf to come out to the surface. But Liam looked like he didn’t even notice Theo’s transformation, still immersed in his panic attack.

Theo remembered the problem with Scott’s eyes and the way Malia helped him heal. He heard of Lydia doing the same for Stiles some time ago. But it was useless in this situation, that was no answer for him!

“Liam! LIAM! You have to heal! CHANGE, GOD DAMMIT!” Theo shook Liam by the shoulders, feeling his own panic raising in his gut. He had to get to Liam somehow! It was such a stupid situation! Liam wasn’t even really hurt! He just couldn’t snap out of the panic attack, and such a thing was meant to be the cause of his death?! “LIAM, you idiot! LET YOUR WOLF HEAL YOU!” Screamed Theo from the top of his lungs, and yet to no avail.

Liam was lost in his terror, afraid of his wolf, but also terrified of dying. And somewhere in the back of his mind he felt the darkness closing up on him, approaching faster and faster with every breath he was unable to take. The world became blurry around the edges first, but soon Liam’s whole vision got fuzzy. Liam heard Theo, heard his screams and desperately tried to follow the advice, but the wolf was nowhere to be found.

“Liam! Come on! Liam! Don’t…! You can’t…!” Theo was getting more and more desperate as Liam’s face began losing its color and the wolf’s head began relaying on Theo’s hands more and more, when Liam lost most of his strength to keep it up on his own. “LIAM! YOU STUPID MOTHERFUCKER!” Theo’s grip tightened, one hand on Liam’s cheek and the other holding his head from the back.

The wolf closed his eyes and didn’t open them again, even though he tried once or twice. His lips began turning violet when it hit Theo as a ton of bricks.

Soon, it was going to be too late.

 And suddenly everything stopped. Liam’s head became less clouded, yet remained empty all the same. The panic was gone, the air became accessible again and Liam’s lungs filled with oxygen coming though his nose. And slowly Liam began becoming aware of the situation around him. His heart was still thumping in his chest, not having calmed down after the panic yet. His head was held by Theo’s hands. And Liam’s own hands were hanging loosely along his sides, which suddenly seemed really inappropriate. Theo broke the kiss and slowly moved away his face, but still stayed pretty close.

Liam slowly raised his right hand and touched his own lips, shock painted on his face. “What…?” He asked weakly, looking up at Theo, who wasn’t even embarrassed that much.

“Didn’t think it would work,” admitted Theo, relief clear in his voice.

That’s when Liam realized that Theo had kissed him. It was such a ridiculous thought at first that he almost dismissed it, but then he noticed his lips were still… slightly swollen. And tasted like… well, probably that’s how Theo tasted like. Which was actually… not completely terrible.

“You in there, Liam?” Theo took his hand off Liam’s cheek and waved it in front of Liam’s eyes. Liam blinked a couple times, coming back to his senses fully.

“You kissed me.” Observed Liam sternly, totally at loss about how to react.

Theo shrugged.

“I ran out of other ideas.” He slowly let go of the back of Liam’s head and moved away a bit more, giving the beta more space. Only then did Liam realize how intimate and close they had been sitting just a second before.

“I had a panic attack?” Asked Liam, trying to make sense of what had happened.

“You…” Theo suddenly cut off his own words, apparently getting lost in his own thoughts for a moment. “You’re an idiot, Liam!” He scolded Liam finally.

Liam looked at Theo in surprise. “Wha…?”

“You are so afraid of your wolf that you basically let them beat you to death!” Yelled Theo, standing up suddenly.

“What was I supposed to do, then?!” Hissed Liam, quickly getting equally angry. “I didn’t want to kill anybody!”

“Well, maybe you should have! Maybe they deserved it!” Snapped Theo back.

Liam’s injuries started healing a while ago, so he was able to stand up, which he slowly did, and glared at Theo in response.

“I don’t want to become a murderer, Theo.”

“It’s better than getting yourself killed!”

“Maybe for you!”

Liam lost control of his tongue and immediately regretted it. He could only watch as Theo’s face stilled and suddenly all emotions were gone from it.

Unexpectedly, he smashed his fist into Liam’s nose.

Liam fell to the ground again, only managing to yell ‘fuck’ in the air.

“Maybe ask your own parents what they would prefer,” suggested Theo icily, “Their son killing somebody in FUCKING SELF-DEFENSE, or burying him at sixteen!”

Theo turned around and left Liam in the alleyway, alone with his healing nose.

                §

 “What do you mean?” Asked Scott and he wasn’t as dismissive as Theo expected. Scott asked as if he actually wanted to Theo to tell him. Well, if that was the case, Theo could do better than just tell.

 Theo was pretty sure it wasn’t just the game of lights and Scott actually turned a bit green after he saw the recording.

“Oh, you think that’s bad?” Asked Theo in a mocking tone. “You should have seen what they’ve done to Liam yesterday. You all made him so fucking scared of his IED that he’s terrified of letting his wolf loose. And that almost killed him yesterday!” Growled Theo, eyeing the people in the room with disdain. “If I hadn’t…,” he begun, but cut himself off suddenly.

Scott heard his hesitation and immediately got interested.

“If you hadn’t – what?”

Theo’s looked briefly at Liam and their eyes met for a second. Liam’s face was hard to decipher for the chimera, so he went with the pre-prepared lie.

“Taken his pain.” Finished Theo calmly, and what’s more important, convincingly. “It helped him snap out of panic.”

“You don’t need to be ashamed that you can do it now,” said Mason, probably mistaking his hesitation for a sign of embarrassment. “It’s a good thing.”

“Well, thank you,” replied Theo somewhat ironically. “But I also don’t need you acting as my therapist, though your input is – not exactly appreciated, but - duly noted.”

“Oh, shut up, Theo”, hissed Liam, not feeling really angry at the chimera, but just not wanting to endure the quarrel between him and Mason.

Theo’s mouth actually snapped shut, even though he threw Liam a disapproving glare.

“So, you’re trying to say that… it was you who beat those guys?” Scott repeated slowly, getting back to the main point of this discussion.

“Brilliant deduction, Sherlock.” Theo rolled his eyes, but then sobered and added a bit more seriously: “In my defense, they had it coming. And I actually wanted to do to them everything they did to Liam, but, you know, seeing that it would probably kill them, I settled for like… half of it?”

Scott glared at Theo and gritted his teeth. He couldn’t deny the facts that were staring him right in the fact, that is that Liam’s IED suddenly put him on the other side of danger than it previously did. It became dangerous to Liam’s health, not those around him. And Theo was right, it couldn’t stay that way.

Scott sighed and turned to face Liam.

“I’m sorry.” He said, and meant it. “I should have trusted you.”

Liam also sighed and shrugged. “It’s okay, I mean, it seemed probable and we hadn’t always seen eye to eye.”

Scott was still distressed though. “It doesn’t change the fact that I jumped to conclusions way too quickly. It was a shitty thing to do.”

Liam huffed under his nose. “Well, it was.” No point in denying what was obvious.  

“Liam…” Began Mason tentatively, probably trying to tell him the same thing.

“Not now,” cut him Liam off immediately. Mason’s distrust in him stung way more than Scott’s, so Liam didn’t feel like dealing with his friend at least for the next couple hours. “Just… go.” He added, looking at Mason and Corey. The latter didn’t say a word, just looked sheepish and ashamed, but honestly, Liam couldn’t be bothered to care. They would apologize to him the next day, and he would accept it. But it was going to remain in his memory for quite some time, for sure.

At least they had the sense not to argue, just grabbed their stuff and went towards the door, guilt oozing from their postures.

Scott looked at the scene clearly downcast, but he also realized that the last thing Liam needed was dragging this unfortunate situation any longer. So he threw Liam another apologetic look, said goodbye to Liam’s parents and took his leave.

That left Liam with Theo and his parents. Apparently Theo realized the awkwardness of the situation, because he cleared his throat, clearly getting ready to disappear too.

“Well then,…” He shrugged. “I guess I’ll just…”

Suddenly, Liam’s mom spoke, surprising everybody in the room, possibly herself included.

“Your name is Theo, right?”

“Yes,” replied Theo, clearly confused why she was talking to him.

She stood up from the armchair she had been sitting in. “I’m not sure I understood everything correctly, this supernatural stuff is still unclear to me. But I think I got the gist of what happened.” She began, looking directly at the chimera. “And if I did, then…” She cleared her throat then and finished honestly: “Theo, thank you.”

Theo stilled, at first not really getting her words. He knew the meaning, obviously, but never did he expect to be at the receiving end of such an honest gratitude. So Theo had no idea how to react.

“I… uh… no problem?” He tried awkwardly. Apparently it wasn’t the worst thing to say, because Liam’s mom just smiled at him warmly. Which was also something completely out of sorts of Theo.

Liam also looked at his mother in surprise, because he didn’t see that coming. But he didn’t mind, quite the contrary, such embarrassment was a good look on Theo. Also, Liam was grateful too. Somehow he hadn’t felt the strength to tell anybody about his problems, and maybe Theo didn’t do it in the most elegant way possible, but still…  Not to forget that he also basically kicked those guys asses for him, which was uncharacteristically chivalrous of the chimera. Of course, it was possible that he just wanted an excuse to punch something, but Liam doubted that was true.

“Would you like to stay for dinner today, Theo?” Liam’s mother asked again, his heart telling Theo that she earnestly wanted him to agree.

And that was a tempting offer for Theo, especially since he hadn’t eaten many warm meals recently. And ‘many’ was a nice euphemism for ‘basically none’, since he usually just stole bought stuff from the gas station. Either way, his stomach almost howled at the sheer mention of a home-made meal. That was something Theo hadn’t had since… well, never, actually. Even when his parents were alive, they weren’t really the cooking type. Or the caring type. Or the sober type, for that matter.

Theo glanced at Liam before making any decision, though. And Liam looked like he couldn’t comprehend his mother’s decision in the slightest, completely struck by the idea of Theo eating at the same table as him. His mouth hung open a bit, and that was enough for Theo to reach a decision.

“Thank you, but I have to get going. I have somewhere I need to be soon.” Replied Theo politely, and nodded his head in lieu of saying goodbye. Liam’s mother didn’t need the werewolf hearing to notice that it was a lie, but she decided not to call him on it. Even though Theo came through the window, he decided to leave like regular people do, so he went to the door. When he was about to reach for the door handle, he felt somebody grab his forearm.

Theo turned around to find Liam staring at him intently.

“Stay?” Asked Liam tentatively, not letting go of Theo. “I’d really like you to,” added Liam more decisively. His heartbeat didn’t skip.

Theo looked at Liam’s hand at his forearm. It felt warm and nice. Theo felt like he should break the hold, but couldn’t bring himself to do it. Liam’s grip was firm, but not threatening. Not forcing him to stay against his will. Just… keeping him from going away, offering, but not demanding. Liam’s eyes were also focused on the place where their skin touched. Liam was holding on to Theo too long for it not to mean something and the more time passed, the more he became aware of this fact. And yet, his fingers remained curled around Theo’s arm while he waited for the answer.

Theo moved his eyes slowly towards Liam’s face, briefly stopping at his lips. He knew Liam took notice of that slip, and yet the beta didn’t comment on it. Maybe because he was looking at Theo’s lips too, realized the chimera.

Theo cleared his throat, breaking the impasse.

“Okay, I’ll stay,” he heard himself say.

Liam didn’t immediately let go of his arm; instead, he slid his hand down to Theo’s fingers and only then he reluctantly broke the contact, leaving Theo with goosebumps all over his body.

“Good.” Came the reply from Liam.

Their eyes were still on each other.

Liam’s lips widened in a warm smile and Theo’s heart fluttered.

    And the dinner was insanely delicious.  

[dianamjackson]

Dance (2020)

“What you can’t have with a man, you’ll experience onstage, ten times as intensely! Ten times? A hundred! Sublimated… As if I were making love with God? That’s right, you can dance everything, understand almost everything through music. Go on, get dressed!” ~ Birmant & Oubrerie, 2019, Isadora. And so went the lines that made me buy this book. It’s a brilliant graphic novel by Julie Birmant and illustrated by Clément Oubrerie about Isadora Duncan, the mother of modern dance. I was led to this book. I wasn’t even going to enter the bookshop but something compelled me. In the music section, which is where I usually go, I was looking for the dance section. I finally found it (it was tiny), and the name ‘Isadora’ in red letters on the spine so compelled me that I couldn’t stop staring at it. My other favourite line is when she’s in a cafe nursing a beer, having just turned down Loie Fuller’s offer to join the latter’s dance troupe: “Whom to share this strange feeling with, of Greek temples without sky or infinity?” Indeed, whom to share my view of life with. Story of my life. I called my website a lover’s dance because I consider all my activities dancing and I’m a lover. I love a lot of things, including love itself. I’ve always been that way; a floaty-headed romantic. I only ever draw pictures when I’m in love with my subject, I only ever record music when I felt compelled, and I only ever write when I have something to say. I have never been a Puritan when it comes to my arts. This “inspiration finds you at work” thing — please. In the past fifteen years I’ve recalled exactly two instances of boredom, each lasting about five minutes. I am always inspired and so there is always something to do. (Actually, Michael said something fascinating about “writer’s block” that I never forgot. He said that merely uttering the phrase creates writer’s block, because you ‘speak things into existence.’ He is absolutely right. I’d heard of this phenomenon but, as I’m always inspired, had never experienced it myself. Furthermore, I knew that acknowledging the concept would create it. I don’t know how I knew that, but I did. In art and design classes people talked about “fear of the blank page.” I had no idea what they were on about; to me a blank page was the most exciting thing ever. I guess these are the “ordinary people” Michael laments. One downside of being perpetually inspired and creatively active is that many people can’t relate to you. But more on that later.) I’d always loved the idea of dancing but was far too self conscious to ever do it in front of anyone. I was even too embarrassed to dance alone. But my love and fascination grew until it became stronger than the fear, and I started dancing. Now, I can’t help it. Before I encountered Michael (September of 2018) I was planning on going to clubs just to dance. But the problem with clubs is that people often go there to pick up, there’s not enough room and sometimes the music is bad or too loud or the sound is poorly balanced. There are so many problems with clubs. A fascinating thing about dancers, the really good ones, is that they do everything in a dancerly way. The way you do anything is the way you do everything, said Tom Waits. For me, all movement is an opportunity for dancing — whether walking to a door, typing on a keyboard, playing guitar or just sitting in a chair. When Miles Davis was going to clubs with Clark Terry to check out the musicians, he said that they could tell whether a guy could play by the way he was standing. I’m fascinated by the act of moving. I love creating graceful movements with my body — movements that look as beautiful as pictures. Dancing is a freer, more dynamic and more exciting way for me to draw. As I say in my Gold Dance commentary video, each frame is a painting — that’s thousands of paintings in a single short film! Far more than I could ever hope to produce as paintings in my lifetime. Not that quantity is so important; it’s just that there are so many poses I’d want to paint. With dancing, I can do them all, and quickly. There’s a kind of ‘move lightly’ principle at work in me — an economy of movement and contact. Some people are really profligate in the way they move; I can accomplish the same task in far fewer movements and with less contact. Michael has this economy too, I’ve noticed. Strangely enough, our tentativeness of contact is combined with a strong sensory desire for and enjoyment of contact. The tentativeness comes from being highly sensitive: watch any highly sensitive child among non-sensitive children and they will be the last to try or approach anything. This is obvious in footage of Michael playing in the snow with his brothers, aged about 6. His brothers are furiously playing in the snow and M is way off to the side, observing and not getting involved. The sensory sensitivity is evidenced by the way we touch things: watch the way Michael touches anything. When he strokes kids’ heads, he uses his whole hand, lovingly. This is exactly how I do it too. He’s enjoying the sensation of the kid’s hair and warm head on his whole hand, and it calms them both. We do the same thing with animals. There’s a fascinating video of M aged about 19 combing a little boy’s hair at a party. I love seeing the way he combs the boy’s hair: gently but deftly and swiftly, just like his dancing. There are no girls at the party; all the other boys are showing off or cracking jokes and M is in the back holding the little boy on his hip like a mother, not really participating in the revelry, just focusing on the kid. Idiots will infer sexual indecency, but it’s not. It’s because we’re highly sensitive, sensory types, and M is a very feminine and therefore maternal person. When we’re sitting down I’ve noticed we minimise the degree to which our bodies are in contact with other things. A characteristic pose will be one leg resting horizontally on the other knee (to stretch it out), but the contact between the ankle and the knee will be minimal; the whole pose is balanced and looks elegant. It’s like we’re always posing, always seeking a balanced stance; like our entire existence is an aesthetic project (it is). Along with economy is grace — whenever we move, we’re dancing. Everything is an opportunity for dancing — whether we’re actually dancing, or just picking up a cup. It does betray a real joy in being alive, in being in a body. What a beautiful privilege to live like this, when all movement is exciting.

I touched on the “leg thing” in my piece My Guy (2020) in Dance notes (www.aloversdance.com). I first noticed M doing this in a picture sitting at a table reading a book. His left leg is completely stretched out resting on a chair, while his right is bent normally. I’d done this for years without ever thinking about it or asking why I do it. I’m doing it right now, as I write this. Upon reflection, I think it might be related to the discharge of energy. We both have a lot of tension in our bodies  — he probably has more — and stretching the body out in space is a way to dissipate this energy. Dr Christiane Northrup says that the body has a crystalline grid that discharges energy when we stretch. No wonder stretching feels so good. When I was little I was obsessed with cats (and still kinda am). I watched their movements very closely, obsessively studied pictures of them in cat books and drew them endlessly. I emulated their movements — the way they climbed, hunted, batted with their paws, licked milk from a bowl and walked on their tip toes. I scared people all the time because I’d walk up behind them without making a sound. I loved wearing socks, and still do. In my music film Moles (2020) I am dancing in sparkly socks on a table top. I loved climbing trees as a kid; M says this is one of his favourite things to do. If I were an animal, I’d be a cat. Maybe a lioness or a black panther. Michael would be a deer, I think. He really likes deers, and looks like one with his thin frame, thick neck and gigantic eyes. A cross between a deer, a cat and a praying mantis. He does have a weird reptilian thing with his pet boa constrictor and enjoyed scaring girls (and Quincy Jones!) with his pet snakes. I’ve never liked snakes; I think they’re gross. I’ve had many nightmares containing snakes. So that’s one thing we don’t have in common. So we both have a lot of bodily tension, which is largely responsible for our body rhythm, as I call it — the characteristic rhythm with which we do everything we do from singing to talking to writing to dancing. I’m fascinated by the way tension builds up. This became abundantly clear one day on the tram unable to stretch my leg out because there wasn’t enough room. It built up so much that I actually got angry. Certain activities build tension, and others dissipate it. Concentrating on a difficult problem using beta brain waves builds tension, while meditation using alpha brain waves eases it. Certain types of music create tension, other types ease it. Movement of any kind also eases tension. The Buddhists say that all movement is dukkha or suffering. But where would this suffering have originated? In the case of highly sensitive people growing up in largely non-sensitive households, their subjective experience of growing up in that household is considerably more traumatic than for the non-sensitives. For me, growing up in my house was like a daily war zone. No doubt Michael felt the same growing up in his house. All that trauma is registered by our cells, determines our gene expression and ingrains certain pathways that we carry into adulthood. We then have to live in ways that alleviate all this accrued suffering. It seems to me that we’re always in fight-or-flight mode because of that early conditioning; we’ve a constant vigilance. This is stressful for the body, so we find ways to calm ourselves through fiddling, dancing, avoiding stimulation and taking depressant drugs. I’m quite sure that Michael would not dance the way he did if it weren’t for his childhood experiences of trauma. Dancing is self-expression, and a person dances the way they do because of who they are and the experiences they’ve had. And, much of it depends on the music, I find. (As for dancing without music, as M did in BoW, I’m not sure what to make of that as yet.) I think of high sensitivity as having a ‘more porous’ body than non-sensitive people, so things ‘infect’ the sensitive person more strongly. Intense, hard music makes us dance hard and intense; soft, beautiful music creates soft and beautiful movements. I came across a great article by Lubov Fadeeva, a flamenco dancer. He describes Michael’s dancing accurately and intriguingly, and emphasises the importance of individuality in artistic creativity: “He dances in the flow of free creation. It should be noted that even the moves he performs on stage over and over again are not mechanically repeated like a stuck record. No, he can continue any of his dances by free improvisation at any moment. And it never looks out of sync with his personal style; instead, it opens new facets of his fathomless inner creator. This is what no impersonator can do. Only the creator of the dance can update and renew his dance naturally and improvise freely, and still be himself. No one else can plunge into his sacrament. This is his personal domain, just like every person has his or her own body and his or her own place on Earth.” How marvellous. “When Michael Jackson hit the stage, he danced in ecstasy. And it’s obvious to the spectator. All the best dancers and musicians enter a peculiar state of mind when they create. Art in its highest form is impossible without the ability to work with the subconscious, and without using altered states of awareness and intuition. Without this, it’s not art but simply cheap craft.” TBC Read more of my work at www.aloversdance.com 

[auroraphilealis]

Heaven Scent Chapter Two

Heaven Scent | Dan Howell rarely leaves the house unless he has too, too socially awkward to function normally around other people, and generally making his only friends through Louise, a sweet beta who took him under her wing a few years back when they were both still in college. It’s no surprise, then, that the omega has yet to find a mate, despite craving one rather a lot. It’s not until he attends Louise’s birthday party and gets accidentally-on-purpose set up with an attractive alpha named Phil Lester who smells absolutely heavenly that Dan starts to fall into a proper romance, complete with courting and scenting and the like. | Phan | Mature | A/B/O dynamics (Omegaverse fic), Fluff, Getting Together, Eventual Smut, Courting | 4,523 Words this chapter

I’m so, so happy with the feedback on the last chapter and your guys excitement for more of this fic!!! I can’t wait to see what you guys think of all the things I have planned as I bring to life a more healthy version of a/b/o dynamics that still includes some of my favorites parts of the trope!! I also decided I’m a maniac so I’m going to post Wednesday and Friday instead of just Wednesday, so enjoy the next chapter ^.^

Disclaimer: In no way do I pretend that this is real or cast aspersions on Dan or Phil.

(Ao3) (Previous)

Chapter Two

Dan didn’t know how not to be late to most things. He was a procrastinator by nature, and generally sat around in his pj’s most days if he didn’t have any plans - which, less face it, Dan almost never had - which just meant that Dan was often unlikely to get dressed when he did need to go out until about ten minutes beforehand.

That was how he ended up twenty minutes late to his lunch date with Louise, the first of many of her birthday coupons she was likely to use on him in the next few months to ensure she got to see Dan a little more often than she usually did. On the upside, his friend was fairly used to Dan being chronically late anyway, so when Dan did finally show up, she wasn’t angry in the least bit.

Instead, she held a book in one hand, and a coffee in the other as she read with her long hair pulled back in a tight ponytail. She’d dyed the ends pink recently, and it looked gorgeous on the beta, something that Dan commented on the second he slid into the seat across from her.

Louise smiled instantly in response, closing her book and turning her full attention onto Dan.

“Thank you! I needed a change. You’re only twenty-five once, you know,” she explained.

Dan rolled his eyes, lips twitching as he replied, “Louise, you’re twenty-six.”

“Exactly why my hair is now pink, Daniel,” Louise quipped back easily enough, raising a hand and waving the waiter over now that Dan had finally joined her.

Dan didn’t waste another second arguing with her, merely laughing at her self assuredness and confidence that Dan wished he possessed.

Before Louise, Dan had never quite understood why anyone found him attractive until Louise had literally shoved the truth down his throat, but that didn’t change the fact that he still struggled with his own self image.

It was kind of funny, considering Dan had had more than his fair share of alpha’s, beta’s, and omega’s come onto him in the past, often complimenting his appearance because they couldn’t his scent, and reassuring him that he was a right good looking lad, but they’d never quite stuck around. Dan knew it was for the best every time, but he couldn’t help that it had left its fair share of strain on his personal self confidence.

Dan kind of sort of really just wanted a mate already, even though he wasn’t - or, hadn’t been - currently looking. In the past, it had just put a damper on him when he hadn’t been able to keep anyone around. Now, though… well, now Dan kind of just let others come to him, rather than seeking out a lover, and Louise’s birthday party had definitely brought along something that Dan really wanted.

The problem was, Dan was kind of shit at taking hold of what he wanted.

Their waiter arrived then, smiling as they greeted both Dan and Louise. The familiar scent of scent hiding shampoo wafted over Dan, comforting in the way it had always been for him. It wasn’t the same as the calming scent of an omega, but reassuring in that Dan didn’t feel so alone hiding his own scent.

“I’ll just have a coffee,” he ordered easily enough, sighing as the waiter bustled away and he was allowed to peruse the menu Louise had passed to him. She’d clearly already decided on what she wanted, as she was back to her reading her book, but that didn’t surprise Dan.

She’d arrived on time after all, but it helped that the cafe was a favorite place of both of theirs.

Morello’s was a small cafe within walking distance to both of their apartments, cozy and friendly enough that Dan even ventured out to have lunch on his own here from time to time. There was a lounge inside with a few booths and tables scattered about, but it was the outside patio that really drew the customers in.

It was beautifully decorated with flower beds and neatly crafted tables and chairs, three large trees shading the huge area with little glimpses of sky overhead. There was an awning that could be dragged out further on rainy days, as was per usual in London, but it was drawn back today, leaving a sense of calm hovering over the large space. It was the patio that had drawn Louise and Dan inside one cold winter day two years ago, and they’d been visiting ever since.

They both had their favorites, and while they always swore up and down to order something different from time to time, it was no surprise that most of the waiters here already knew their orders off the top of their head.

They usually teased Dan and Louise when they came in, but not today. Today, they had someone new.

As their waiter returned with Dan’s coffee and a notepad for their orders, Dan cast Louise a mischievous grin, and opened his mouth to order at the same time as her. Their words melded together as they both ordered the salmon over a bed of rice for Louise, and the fish and chips for Dan, Louise turning to stare in giddy humor at Dan as they spoke. Her eyes sparkled, and her throat burbled with suppressed laughter, setting Dan off as they spoke until the end of their sentence was nothing more than a garble of unrecognizable words.

Their waiter started between them with an awkward smile, confusion and terror at war on his face.

“I didn’t catch a word of that,” they joked, laughing forcefully, only for Dan and Louise to laugh even louder at the expression on their face. The noise was offensively loud, but so was the busy street of London around them, so neither tried to quiet themselves as they giggled over their own ridiculousness. The waiter, for their part, merely stared between the two of them with wide, confused eyes, as if they weren’t sure if they were missing a joke or not.

Taking pity on the poor soul, Louise pulled herself together first, flapping her hands aggressively at Dan to make him pipe down and shut up before clearing her throat and stifling her giggles as best as she could.

“Sorry, sorry! I said I’d have the salmon, and Dan over there’ll have the fish and chips,” Louise stated more clearly this time, her cheeks stained pink from their humor, and little tittering giggles still escaping past her lips.

Trying to salvage the situation even a little bit more, Dan cleared his own throat after he’d pulled himself together, and said, “Sorry we’re so awkward. Promise we aren’t laughing at you,” only for the waiter to smile even more nervously than before, and turn on his heel to walk away.

It was more than clear from that action alone that Dan’s words had been less than reassuring, and when Louise turned to look at Dan once again, the two of them burst into another bout of uncontrollable laughter.

“Dan!” Louise was gasping, grasping herself around the middle in a clear attempt to hold herself together, laughter like a hyena spilling from her lips as Dan tried to rein himself under control. He was sputtering and choking around his own ridiculous sounds, but it was difficult to stop when Louise’s face was so red and Dan could just about see their waiter speaking to someone else inside, who looked red in the face themselves as they held back giggles and explained to the new waiter just what exactly was going on.

Dan gasped as he curled in on himself, mouth aching from all the laughter and the smiling, and shook his head as best as he could.

“Stop - laughing!” he complained to Louise, who only laughed harder still at the sight of Dan.

They were a mess, but there was nothing new there, and Dan couldn’t even bring himself to mind that the other patrons were beginning to stare. So what if he made a fool out of himself? Louise loved him, and that was all that mattered in the end.

Eventually, the two of them managed to settle down, and Dan grabbed at his mug of coffee to calm himself down, inhaling the wonderful scent it produced before taking a quick sip. It was perfect, as always, and Dan flashed a smile through the glass door at the workers inside.

He had no clue if any of them would notice, but it was the sentiment that counted in his mind.

“So, anyway,” Louise piped up, finally. “Now that that’s over. How are you? You didn’t tell me how things went with that alpha at my birthday party,” she teased, looking giddy as she leaned in close over the table to get right up into Dan’s face. Always greedy for the details, she said, “Phil, right? He’s a great guy. Met him at work.”

Unfortunately for Dan, the question had been the one thing Dan had been hoping wouldn’t be brought up today, and he put down his mug of coffee with a little sigh as his cheeks went a blotchy red all over again.

“He is great,” Dan agreed easily enough, hesitating. “Thank you for uh - intervening and making me sit with him, it’s just…” Dan trailed off, not wanting to admit to Louise just how much of an idiot he was.

Louise being Louise, however, wasn’t one to let something like that go, and her eyes narrowed as she stared at Dan. Doing his best to avoid her sharp blue gaze, Dan took in the way her eye makeup made her face seem more surreal and echoed her new hair color.

“I like the pink on you,” he stated calmly.

Rolling her eyes at Dan’s attempt at a distraction, Louise shrugged the words off.

“Thanks. It’s just what, Daniel? Have you talked to him since my party?”

Dan bit his lip.

The thing was, he hadn’t, and that was kind of the whole problem right there. He was definitely interested in the alpha if his intoxicating scent and wonderful personality were anything to go by, but it had been an entire week and Dan - well, Dan had been too cowardly to text the poor guy.

After paying for Dan’s meal and beginning the courting process between the two of them, Phil had left Dan with his cell phone number and his express permission for Dan to text or call him any time. Since Phil had initiated the courtship, it was now Dan’s job to reciprocate the interest, only… only Dan had been too afraid.

Louise groaned as Dan’s face evidently twisted up in an echo of his shame, and reached across the table to flick Dan across the nose.

“You haven’t talked to him!?” she asked shrilly. “But he told me you accepted a courtship with him that night! He literally sent me a text five minutes after you guys left to tell me he’d left you with his number! Dan!” Louise moaned, closing her eyes and shaking her head again for good measure. “What are you doing!?”

Dan winced as Louise put his shame into words, and tried not to look at her again. The disapproval was practically radiating off of her in waves

“I just assumed he hadn’t texted me about you again because he was - busy with you,” Louise complained, sighing loudly as her hands hit the table with a light bang. “Daniel Howell, you are an idiot.”

“I know,” Dan agreed, ashamed. He didn’t even have an excuse, not really, he was just - being Dan. “I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I just -” he began, fully intending to explain his own ridiculous fears when he clammed up on himself. It was just, he knew what he had to say sounded stupid, and Louise already seemed annoyed with him. “Sorry I screwed everything up with your friend.”

Suddenly, Louise placed her hand on top of Dan’s and squeezed gently, prompting him to finally look up and face her. Her expression was sympathetic, a small smile on her lips, eyes soft and caring.

“Dan,” she said, “You didn’t screw anything up.”

Her voice was gentle, far more understanding than Dan deserved, but he should have known it would be. Louise was strong willed and motherly, but that didn’t always result in her knocking sense into Dan by screaming at him for being an idiot. Sometimes, it meant just this.

Dan offered a small smile of his own in return.

“Okay, fine. Maybe I didn’t screw up anything for you, but -”

“Shush,” Louse said, cutting him off. “And start from the beginning. What’s going on? You just what?”

Dan closed his eyes, briefly, unsure where to start. He just had a lot of dumb fears in the back of his mind that were probably going to result in nothing, but he couldn’t just stop them. If he could, he would have texted Phil by now.

With another drawn out sigh, Dan pulled his hand out from under Louise’s, and shoved his fingers through his hair, pushing the bouncy curls back against the top of his head.

“It’s stupid,” he complained. “I just - well, he doesn’t exactly know what I am, does he?” he offered, avoiding Louise’s gaze all over again. “I hide my scent because I don’t want to be known as my instincts, and I know it doesn’t matter, I know that no one really cares, but, I just… I don’t know. Some alpha’s don’t even like omega’s, and what if he won’t continue to court me unless I tell him what my secondary sex is?”

The words came bursting out of Dan like word vomit once he started speaking, something he was unable to hold back any longer than he already had. It would have surprised him more if he wasn’t already used to blurting out all of his insecurities to Louise in the first place.

Still, he didn’t seem to be done, really. Before he could stop himself or Louise could interrupt and insert her two cents, Dan was opening his mouth to continue on his tirade.

“I just want to get to know him as Dan, first, and not an omega who sometimes has… uncontrollable urges,” he explained, now picking at his fingernails because he had nothing else to focus his attention on. His nail buds were bitten as far down as they could be, so Dan picked at his cuticles instead. “I mean… you’ve seen how I can be, Louise. I can get - kind of needy.”

Dan expected Louise to laugh, but she didn’t. Instead, she let out this soft sounding almost-purr that was a beta’s means of reassurance, and reached for Dan’s hands again. This time, she took both in hers, fingers gentle on his palms.

“Daniel, your sex doesn’t define you, you know that,” she told him quietly. “And anyone who gives a damn what your instincts cause from time to time doesn’t deserve you, considering we all have to put up with each others instincts from time to time,” she continued, a reassuring smile plastered across her face.

“But I know Phil. He’s probably one of the most genuine, nicest people I have ever known. He’s not going to care what your sex is, and he’s not going to ask, I promise. Phil… Phil probably just wants to get to know you too, regardless of what your sex is. So don’t be afraid, because I think - I think he’s really interested in you,” she continued. “In all the time that I’ve known him, he’s never courted someone before.”

That was enough to take Dan by surprise, who looked at Louise in wide-eyed astonishment. It was one thing to be told that Dan didn’t need to be afraid of Phil, but to hear that Phil rarely courted? That was both interesting and unbelievable. An alpha like Phil, who wore his scent with pride, and made everyone feel at peace around him? Impossible.

Louise giggled at the look on Dan’s face.

“Phil’s a hermit too, didn’t you know?” she teased, dropping Dan’s hands. “Text him. I’m sure he’d still really like to hear from you.”

Dan stared at Louise for another minute before he finally started to grin, something like excitement boiling in his stomach.

“Okay,” he finally agreed. “I will.”

 Actually doing so was easier said than done. By the time Dan returned to his apartment after lunch with Louise, he was practically shaking with nerves. It had been a week since he’d seen Phil, after all. Despite Louise’s reassurances, Dan was terrified the alpha would have lost interest in him by now.

How shitty was it for the person you were trying to court to not reciprocate in an appropriate manner? Dan might be able to believe that Phil wouldn’t care about his sex, or ask, but that didn’t change the fact that Dan had yet to message him.

Would Phil even reply, once Dan finally reached out to him?

There was only one way to find out, and after collapsing on top of his bed with his phone in his hands, Dan finally brought up Phil’s number. The alpha had stuck a little heart emoji after it when he’d put it into Dan’s phone, and even now it made Dan’s heart flutter.

He’d never quite been this enamoured before.

Usually, when he got asked out, he was wined and dined and then taken home for a one night stand. Rarely had Dan ever been courted, and even when he had been in the past, never with as much seeming importance as Phil had put into this already. After all, Phil had left it to Dan to text him back, and hadn’t instantly set a date for their first date. There was no rush, no pressure, no clear attempts for a hook up and nothing more… this felt real.

Phil seemed intent on taking this far more seriously than anyone else Dan had ever dated, and that, if he was being honest, was part of why he was so afraid.

Dan licked his lips as he stared at the contact in his phone, and finally pressed the “message” button.

To: Phil Lester <3

hey its dan haha sorry for getting back to you so late i

Dan scrunched up his nose at the words, and didn’t even hesitate to erase them, backspacing with a sigh until he was back to a blank message with no idea how he was meant to start this conversation. It felt awkward to bring up how long it had been since Phil had given Dan his number, but rude not to apologize. Still, he really did just want to message the alpha already, wanted to make it clear that he was just as interested, but it was hard to figure out the right words to say.

Dan dropped his phone on his chest for a brief moment and closed his eyes. Why hadn’t he just messaged Phil sooner? Then, maybe they would have gone on their first date by now.

The very thought of it made Dan grin. He really did like the alpha, after all. They seemed like the kind of guy Dan could actually get along with, somehow nerdier than him, and, according to Louise, not only just as socially inept as Dan, but a house hermit too. He was attractive to boot, and he just smelled so good…

Dan picked up his phone and tried again.

To: Phil Lester <3

hey :) its dan <3

Dan hesitated again, thumb hovering over the “send” button, wondering if the heart was too much or not. He figured the simpler the better, and if Phil responded, he could apologize then for being a coward, but if he didn’t, no love no loss, right? But the heart, was that too much? Phil had left one under his contact name, but…

Before Dan could overthink it anymore, he pressed “send” and dropped his phone on his chest again with a little groan. Squeezing his eyes shut, terrified he wouldn’t get any response, Dan sat up and let his phone fall to the mattress below him.

Maybe he should just get away for a bit, do something to distract him, try to get his mind off the fact that the alpha very likely wasn’t going to respond for a while. Surely they were working or something, it was only - Dan checked the time - three in the afternoon. Not everyone worked from home like Dan, after all, and -

Dan’s phone chimed from next to him.

His eyes went wide, and his heart started to race like crazy in his chest. Surely, that wasn’t actually -

Desperately trying not to get his hopes up, Dan fumbled to pick his phone up from his covers, and turned on the screen.

Phil Lester’s name flashed across it, and Dan felt a giddy sort of excitement fill him. Phil hadn’t waited but a few seconds to reply to Dan’s text message, and somehow that filled Dan with hope. Surely, if he were being rejected, Phil would have taken far more time to reply. The fact that Phil wasn’t even trying to play at being uninterested excited Dan.

He pressed his thumb to his phone screen and unlocked it, Phil’s message popping up instantly.

From: Phil Lester <3

Hey dan! It’s good to hear from you ^____^ I thought I might have scared you away! :’(

Dan felt his heart flutter at the words, and clutched his phone close as he replied.

To: Phil Lester <3

haha of course not. i might be a little shy is all D:

From: Phil Lester <3

That’s okay :’D I can do all the talking for us if you like ;’)

*** :’)

Shoot, sorry. I swear i’m not trying to flirt with you already!

Okay maybe a little <3

is it working yet? :’D

To: Phil Lester <3

hmm, i dont think so maybe try a little harder?

From: Phil Lester <3

charizards are red squirtles are blue if you were a pokemon i’d chose you :’D

how bout now?

To: Phil Lester <3

i think youve won me over <3

From: Phil Lester <3

good cause i was really hoping to see you again ^____^ if thats alright with you?

Dan felt his heart flutter all over again. He hadn’t stopped grinning once since Phil had first texted him back, far faster than Dan had ever expected him too. He hadn’t put his phone down once in the last three minutes, and it seemed next to impossible that Phil could still want to talk to him after Dan’s lengthy silence, let alone see him again.

Dan definitely wanted to see Phil, though. There was no question about that.

To: Phil Lester

of course :D

From: Phil Lester

great! hows saturday at 7? i could pick you up at your place? ^_____^

To: Phil Lester

sounds great <3

Phil responded with a ton of happy faces after that, with Dan sending a quick text with his address in reply, but then the conversation stopped. Dan had no idea what to say in return, and it was honestly a little disappointing considering how much Dan had been enjoying himself talking to Phil, but it came as no real surprise. They’d kind of run out of things to say, and Dan was too nervous to try and start another conversation with Phil so soon after being asked out on a date.

Still, that didn’t change the fact that Dan wanted to be talking to Phil, and he sighed as he shut off his phone screen and laid back down in bed.

The conversation had gone far better than he’d expected. He’d honestly thought Phil would call him out on taking so long to text him after Louise’s birthday, perhaps yell at him for allowing Phil to pay for his dinner and then not bothering to repay him with something as simple as a thank you text, but he hadn’t, and Dan had the feeling Phil wouldn’t have even been mad if Dan hadn’t texted him back

The fact that someone like Phil could exist was actually amazing to Dan.

And the fact that his phone went off again a mere two minutes after that made his heart flutter all over again.

From: Phil Lester

sorry, didnt i hear you mention you watch game of thrones? cause uh, id love to talk about it if your up to it? :’)

this is totally not just an excuse to keep talking to you btw

just... curious is all :’D

Dan laughed, because even if it was just an excuse to keep talking, well. Dan wanted to, too.

To: Phil Lester

you heard correctly, although im not sure your ready for these ~opinions~ i get quite heated

From: Phil Lester

is that right? well now youve got me all excited!!! hope you can deliver dan ;’)

that one really was meant to be a winky face ^____^

give me your best shot!!

Covering his face as he turned red with glee, Dan chuckled into the palm of his hand, and settled back into his pillows with every intention of getting comfortable.

If Phil wanted to talk opinions, Dan could talk opinions. He just hoped Phil was ready to see just how passionate Dan could be.

 They didn’t stop talking until three am. Dan had no idea whether or not Phil had a job, as they’d done nothing but argue and debate over the characters in their favorite tv shows and movies, ranging from Game of Thrones to Marvel in an obvious ploy to keep talking to each other, but he hoped he hadn’t ruined the rest of Phil’s day when they finally say goodnight.

Phil signed off with a ^____^ and couple xoxoxo’s that had honestly set Dan’s heart on fire, and by the time he himself climbed into bed after replying with a blushing emoji and a simple xo of his own, Dan had felt well and truly infatuated.

He’d never gotten along with someone so quickly before, nor had he ever been able to text with such ease. It had felt so natural arguing with Phil, and even when they’d gotten heated, there’d been a sense of lighthearted humor to everything they said. Dan never got along with people so easily, let alone one’s who didn’t quite share the same opinions as he when it came to his favorite media, and yet… here he was, sat purring away in the comfort of his duvet, practically dreaming of Phil already.

Purring. Content. Pleased. Something that Dan had so rarely done in his life up until this point, an instinct so primal and rare that Dan hadn’t quite expected the sound to erupt from his throat of it’s own accord.

His heart was still racing in his chest, and he could practically feel it making his nerves sing. All he wanted, as he thought about how many times he and Phil had actually agreed and shouted exclamations over their favorite things, was for it to just be Saturday already.

(Next)

[not-close-to-straight]

Bad Ideas (Chapter 1)(Spideypool)

Welcome to the Story! Peter meets Wade, Wade says inappropriate things, Peter likes him anyway. Of course that is how it happens! Peter in this fic is Andrew Garfield

This is a completed fic, check out the MASTERLIST for additional chapters

----------------

Wade looked up from his beer when a beat up old van rolled to a stop in front of the garage. He didn't bother getting up from his chair, not willing to stand for some lost ass hippie looking for directions. His eyebrow did raise though, when a lanky brunette stepped out of the passenger side and waved the driver on.

After the dust cleared, the man-nah, that's a kid- trekked up the driveway, holding a faded red backpack.

“Hey.”

“What's up, man?” Wade tipped his beer towards him, noticing that the kid managed to maintain eye contact, even after getting close enough to see the absolute scarred up mess that was his face. “You need a tow from somewhere?”

“Uh, what? A tow? No man, I don't have a car.” a nervous smile and Wade kind of hated how much he liked it.

“Well, this is a mechanics garage. Why else would you be here unless you had car trouble? Unless--” Wade looked him over and smirked. “I didn't expect my rent-boy to here until Friday night, but I'm not going to argue.”

“What?” the brunette laughed, and Wade couldn't help the interest curling through him at the sound. “No, uh, someone in town said you were looking for an employee? Gave me a ride out here. Wanted to see if you were still looking, or if this was a total waste of my day.”

“Employee.” Managing to look over the top disappointed at him not being the rent boy, Wade drained the rest of his beer. “Not a rent boy. That's a damn shame. Ever thought about pursuing that line of work? I feel like you’d make a killing.”

“Well, uh, if you don't give me a job I might actually have to, so maybe give me your number just in case? You know, for future reference?” With a frankly adorable tilt to his head, and a quick bite into about the fullest bottom lip Wade had ever seen, the boy glanced away and glanced back shyly and Wade was fucked.

“You know anything about cars, kid?” He didn't know why he was even asking, the kid looked like he could hardly lift a bag of groceries much less work around a shop, but apparently that didn't matter when you looked like that, because Wade was asking him anyway.

“I--I know a little about a lot of things. I'm a fast learner. And definitely stronger than I look.”

“What about office work? Filing, billing, all that shit I’m too lazy to do.”

“Yeah. Yeah I can do that too!” He ran long thin fingers through just stupidly thick brown hair and shuffled his feet. “Just, whatever, man. I need the job.”

“It's yours then.” Because apparently all it takes is puppy dog brown eyes and a little smile and I turn into a fucking fool. Wade reached back into his cooler for another beer. “You old enough to drink yet?”

“Uh, yeah, sure am.” the kid dropped into the seat next to him and Wade rolled his eyes.

“I'm gonna pretend I don't know you’re lying and tell you to only drink here and only if you have a ride back to your house. I'm not gonna be responsible for you drinking and being stupid.”

“I'm twenty two, I swear.” He opened the beer and Wade sent him a sideways glance. The bottles definitely weren't twist off, but the kid had popped it like nobodies business.

“Stronger than you look.” Wade muttered. “Guess you weren’t lying about that.”

“Sorry, what?”

“Nothing, man. Nothing. So when can you start?”

“Today?” he offered, and Wade shook his head and pointed at the clock that showed it was well past five pm. “Tomorrow?”

“Better. Where you staying?”

“Um--I just rolled into town so I’m just crashing at the Starbridge Motel and--”

“I literally didn't know they rented rooms for longer than an hour.” Wade interrupted and turned his head just enough to see a truly impressive blush spread up and over those crazy sharp cheekbones. “I got a room above the garage. Not much, just a little studio. But it's separate from my place, and quiet. Bathroom, kitchenette. You can stay there if you pay the for the extra electric and water.”

“That's it? Just utilities?” he sounded suspicious, and Wade couldn't really blame him. Who got offered a job he wasn't qualified for and a place to stay for a few bucks a months from a stranger with a fucked up face and didn't think it was at least kind of suspicious?

Ignoring the cautious look on the kids face, Wade just grinned. “Yep. Just take the too good to be true situation like a nice trusting hitch hiker. Sure it's a bad idea, but it will definitely be fun. And if it's not fun, you know damn well it's gonna be interesting.”

The boy burst into laughter and Wade felt more than a little relieved that he hadn't run screaming down the driveway. “My house is just there on the other corner of the lot. So if you need anything--” he reached out his large hand to shake and was pleasantly surprised when the slim hand shook back just as firmly. “Name’s Wade, by the way.”

“Cool, Wade. I'm Peter Parker.”

“Alright Petey-pie, then let’s get a few details straight.” Wade leaned forward, suddenly all seriousness, and Peter put his bottle down nervously.

“Alright then. Shoot.”

“I don't like to talk about this.” Wade made a circular motion over his face. “Yeah, I'm covered in these scars, yeah it's uncomfortable all the fucking time, and yeah I notice when people stare. Yes, there’s some long involved story about them, no I'm not gonna tell you about it. I like my space, so respect that. You can have all the beer from my cooler you want as long as you replace it. I don't really care if you don't know tons about mechanic work, I can teach you. Just as long as you show up on time and don't stand around with a stupid-ass expression on your face. I will constantly say inappropriate shit, so if it bugs you, speak up and make it loud because I don't really get hints.”

“And, Peter, most importantly-” he rolled his shoulders, the muscles in his back and arms bulging impressively under his fitted long sleeve. “Most importantly, I am definitely an Alpha. All Alpha, baby boy. And while those nice suppressants and little scent blockers you’re taking might work on the average alpha, beta or whoever you’re trying to hide from, they don't work on me. I could smell you walking up the fucking driveway. But you keep your pretty ass on them meds anyway, and when you need time off for your heat you fucking tell me so we can avoid anything awkward and messy, ya feel me? I’ve got no interest in that sort of thing. Not looking for an omega, not looking to deal with all the shit that comes with having one around. Keep your shit together and your pheromones to yourself, and we aren't going to have a problem okay?”

Peter swallowed hard, and Wade couldn't keep his eyes from tracking the motion. “Yeah, man, I got it. Uh, I'm usually only out for the count twice a year, so it shouldn't be a problem for a while. Um, but thank you. Really. Saves us an awkward conversation down the road.”

“Not a problem man. You do your thing, I'll do mine.” They were quiet for a few minutes, just drinking and watching the sun go down, with Wade stealing sideways glances at him, already full of questions about this omega who hadn’t even flinched when looking at him.

“You’ve never seen my ass.” Peter said suddenly, snarkily. “You don't know if it's pretty or not.”

Wade grinned, already liking the attitude on the kid. “Yeah but I'd bet you your first paycheck that those tight little jeans of yours don't leave much to the imagination. Turn around and let me see.”

Peter laughed out loud, covering his mouth with his hand and Wade cursed himself for reacting to it. I am not interested in this omega. I am not interested in this omega. I am not--

Standing up and stretching, Peter looked down. “Can we maybe check out the apartment? I'd love a shower.” he looped his backpack over his shoulder again and waited with a smile that was entirely too innocent for what it did to Wade’s blood pressure.

Damn it I am one hundred percent interested in this Omega. This is a bad idea.

[diabeticmemoirs]

SORRY KARL MARX: 4 ANIMALS THAT YOU THOUGHT WERE ALTRUISTIC BUT AREN’T

Altruism, we all think that we know what it means. You know, doing something good for someone else without some kind of a reward. Maybe donate to charity, or volunteer your time at a local shelter of some kind — human, animal, hexapod invertebrate (seriously, they call them bug hotels). That’s not exactly the case though. In fact, the real definition of altruism is a tad more specific than that.

First we have to talk fitness, and no I’m not talking about the ten minutes of yoga you did before collapsing on top of the body-shaped puddle of sweat still absorbing into the mat you purchased at the dollar store. In biology, fitness refers to how many babies a person can make, who can also get down and make a few of their own (thanks conservation science 201). And, using that definition, altruism is actually any behavior that an individual performs in order to increase the fitness of another, while causing a decrease in fitness to itself.

Now, Karl Marx was many things; philosopher, journalist, historian, political theorist, revolutionary socialist. But, one of his core ideas was this — human nature is essentially a state of it’s circumstances (Everything is your parents fault). Immanuel Kant and Thomas Hobbes argued that people were, at their core, selfish. Marx, on the other hand, said that outside of the social constraints of upper and lower class, people would prove to be self-less and help one another out — they would care about our species as a whole. Just like all of those examples of altruistic behavior in our cute and cuddly animal counterparts. I mean come on! We’ve all seen the viral videos of dogs adopting orphaned kittens. Obviously we should try to be more understanding and accepting. We should walk and talk just like the animals right?....Right? Well, no, not if we’re talking altruism.

Lemmings

No, I’m not talking about the green-haired, dimwitted, cartoon creatures who walk to their deaths in blue dresses that were made famous by DMA Design in 1991. I’m referring to the IRL version that also jump from cliffs and drown themselves in an attempt to control their own population size. That’s right folks! Altruistic mass suicide. It was actually a theory not too long ago. Disney even “documented” it in their 1958 film White Wilderness. Documented of course means that they took some lemmings, pushed them off of a cliff, and filmed it (Mickey Mouse for President 2020).

Reality is — that theory was sane when compared to earlier ones. During the 1530’s a geographer, by the name of Zeigler, suggested that lemmings spontaneously fell from the sky during stormy weather, and simply died off in the spring. What Zeigler hadn’t noticed was the population migrating up to the mountains in the spring to get their baby-making on...like really on. Lemmings reproduce so fast that they have their own unique population growth model.

Almost every species follows one of two predictive growth patterns, outside of extenuating circumstances of course. They either grow exponentially until they reach a carrying capacity, balancing out the population with the available resources; or they grow exponentially, far beyond the available resources, and eventually crash towards potential extinction (have you figured out which kind we are yet?....just saying). Lemmings, on the other hand, fluctuate up and down chaotically, not around a carrying capacity, for about four years before crashing to near extinction. Then they get up, brush themselves off, and start all over again.

They’re rodents, and like every other rodent, they mass produce children and then scatter away to new places when the population gets too big. But, unlike every other rodent, that has inconspicuous, neutral coloring and tends to flee and hide at the sight of a predator, a lemmings predatory defense behavior is simple; they ain’t gonna take no shit from no punk ass carnivore, and their colors say so (thug life). It’s almost like the flight portion of their fight or flight response was lebotomized from that portion of the brain (the amygdala...not that they asked Mr. Know-it-All), but that’s beside the point. Lemmings are mean, aggressive, far from altruistic little adrenaline junkies that migrate at full speed down mountain cliffs and across raging rivers, they’re just not all gonna make it. That’s the life. They like to ride. Fixed gear. No brakes. Can’t stop. Don’t want to, either (or was that Joseph Gordon-Levitt?).

Wolves

The great and noble wolf pack, consisting of the alpha, the beta, and the bottom of the proverbial barrel — the omega wolf. A perfect hierarchy of dominance behavior, where the toughest make it to the top. At least, that’s according to L. David Mech, one of the most prominent wolf experts in the U.S (and every episode of MTV’s adaptation of Teen Wolf). So who the hell are we to question it?

Let’s just assume that’s how it works for a moment, and one renegade wolf fights his way to power, dominating every other member of the pack with his or her underdog willpower and earning the top spot in more ways than one (where my bitches at?). Well it seems that, in the wild, that renegade top-dog has a soft spot for the young and injured.

Everyone gets a share at meal time. Even the ones who are too sick or injured to go on the hunt get an equal piece, and Mr. Alpha makes sure of that. Hooray altruism!!! Sharing resources definitely counts. Except it doesn’t. Not in this case. Because guess what, putting a bunch of strange wolves into a small, enclosed space isn’t the best way to understand what’s happening in the wild. Who knew?!

The truth is that Mr. Alpha is actually just a wolf that found Mrs. Alpha and decided to make their own little pack, the old fashioned way...sex, I’m talking about sexual intercourse. Wolf packs are just families; Mom, Dad, and all of their little kiddy wolves (Sibling rivalry gets a whole new meaning when you add claws and teeth). Once those pups grow up, they form small family units of their own and often build on the first pack. It’s like a family-reunion-camping-trip, just every second...of every single day...in the middle of untamed wilderness.

It’s called kin selection. Even grandchildren and cousins have twenty-five percent of the SAME GENES as we do. That’s right, you’re twenty-five percent identical to your first cousin. And, biology says that you should get as much of...well you...out there as you can. So, murdering said cousin for breaking your Xbox goes against your natural fitness. Sorry guys.

Apes

You know...us...and our closest living relatives. Those cute little chimpanzees and gorillas with their sign language skills. The ones that get far less cute when you add Mark Walhberg, James Franco, or a forty-five year old Charlton Heston to the mix.

They are like us in a lot of ways. Psychologist Robin Ian Macdonald Dunbar, with his enormous list of credentials and top seat at Oxford’s Department of Experimental Psychology (that’s the legit kind, not the wishy-washy one) writes an entire book on the similar social effects of grooming in apes and the affinity that humans seem to have for gossip. I mean, I don’t want to say anything about women who sit at a salon and exchange information while getting their overpriced nails done, or how they might compare to a troop of gorillas grooming each other...so I won’t...

Gossip, exchanging information, or picking and eating termites off of each others hairy backs, it isn’t kin selection or some mentally unstable rodent migration in this case. It isn’t altruistic either. It’s called reciprocity, “tit for tat,” you eat the bug off my back and I’ll eat the bug off yours. And, don’t take it lightly.

Reciprocity is the basis of human society. We barder, we trade, it happens at every level of civilization. There’s even a thing called reciprocal “concession” where a requester lowers their initial request, in order to make the other person feel obligated to concede to the second request (go ahead, look it up). It’s reverse psychology in board meeting. We haven’t gotten more “self-less” with our intelligence, we’ve just become more manipulative.

Birds

About ten percent of all bird species, in one way or another, express “cooperative breeding” — boom, statistic. So, what does that mean? Babysitting. You take care of someone else’s genetic Will and Testament, which wastes your time and energy and decreases your fitness. Done...altruism. And no, it isn’t always a relative.

So why doesn’t it qualify? Because these are the benefits…

A reduced chance of predation, increased foraging time, territory inheritance, higher survival rate of breeding females, and get this...the “helpers” simply become better parents when they do breed. And in the wild that’s important...because in the wild, children actually do get eaten by monsters.

These guys have weighed the costs and benefits of every tiny little behavior they do, and we have absolutely no clue what’s happening. I’m sorry to be the one to tell you this — as a moderately liberal hippy myself, I’d love to think that all of our furry friends are looking out for one another — but the truth is, altruism doesn’t exist. Not in the natural world at least. We need to define our terms more accurately and stop getting caught up in this black and white, good versus evil trope. The world is vastly more complicated and that’s okay.

The only example I can come up with would be if a woman (let’s call her Sally) donates her egg to Amy, the scientists involved remove Sally’s DNA from it and put in Amy’s DNA, and then they proceed to fertilize it. Because it all comes down to the passing on of genetic material (the gooey stuff). Which may be possible soon, who knows. They just fertilized one female mouse with DNA from another (because men weren’t already useless enough).