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thyunny · 5 months ago

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''are you wearing pants?,, - soobin

a/n: omg. i was laying in bed tryna sleep when i thought of this title and fic. i was proud of myself it’s kinda embarrassing lmao. i wrote this at 2am >~< this is also my first ever fanfic!! enjoy and show some love<3

word count: 2.0k

warnings: [smut! mdni! 18+] bigdick!soobin, lowkeyperv!soobin, fem!reader, lower cased, dirty talk, soobin is uncircumcised, pubic hair on soobin, praise/degrading from reader, breeding kink (soobin), size kink (soobin), masturbation from both, not proof read, soobin’s just a simp and can’t wait :3

today was the fifth day that soobin had been gone. he’s with the rest of txt as they were in america performing for u.s. moas. you’ve missed him and craved his delicate touch; his warm, clammy hands, slender fingers touching your body wherever he wanted. but you both made a promise–not to touch yourselves until soobin got back. the both of you came upon an agreement that whoever loses gets to be punished and humiliated by the other. you’ve been keeping that promise, so tempted to reach down your panties as that certain sensation stirs in your stomach every time soobin sends you a selfie of him after the show, all hot and sweaty. you know he’s teasing you, trying to push you to the edge. yet, you still stand your ground.

after the concert was over for the night, soobin and the boys went to their respective hotel rooms with everyone having their own. soobin would take this as an advantage to call you so the boys can’t tease him about you. you were perfect–too pretty and perfect–from your curves to the tip of your nose and to your feet. deep down, soobin felt very fortunate to have you.

soobin was excited to finally talk to you. even though it’s only been a day, he still misses you and your touch immensely. after he took a shower and changed into his pajamas, he leaped onto his bed with his phone in hand, tapping the call symbol next to your contact. it didn’t take long for you to pick up.

to soobin’s delight, you were laying on your stomach on the floor and seemingly doodling in a notebook as you kicked your feet back and forth with your phone propped up against one of the four legs of your bed. he grinned widely, lifting his hand up and waving at you through the screen.

“hi, y/n. you look adorable, baby,” he cooed, staring at your relaxed figure, not at all trying to hide his unfathomable interest in you.

“i know. i tried to put myself together,” you beamed back at him, puckering your lips at him. “i miss you, soob.”

“i miss you, too, silly,” soobin chuckled, his phone’s camera angled up perfectly to show his meritorious face and have a bit of his plain white t-shirt in frame.

awkward silence set in for a moment, until you broke it. “anything special happen at the concert?” you perked up, raising your eyebrows as you held your smile.

“tons! moa was very sweet and interactive the whole time. i always feel bad leaving them,” soobin pouted playfully.

you giggled at his cuteness. this man was adorable, how did you bag him?

the both of you yapped and yapped back and forth for around half an hour, just about your days and how they were. there wasn’t much to talk about though because you called every night. just when the silence set in again, soobin had the urge to glance down at the cleavage of your tits, plush against the floor as you still laid on your stomach. he gulped, trying to hide his nervousness. he was tired, but he would’ve loved to jerk off before bed.

soobin decided to risk it, wanting to be punished by you anyways as the agreement was just that. he slowly reached down into his sweats and down his boxers, gripping and squeezing his hardening dick, gently stroking it as it grew. he stared at your tits, thoughts filling his mind of what he would do with them. occasionally, he looked up at your beautiful face to admire it.

just then as you didn’t notice his staring, you dropped your pen and looked at him through the screen. “have you kept the promise so far?”

he tried to be discreet, keeping his facial expressions to a minimum, persisting a straight face. “yes. i’m surprised i haven’t lost yet, you know?” soobin chuckled sheepishly, a light blush coating his cheeks. his tone was innocent as he lied, despite what he was doing.

you snickered, smiling at him. “i’ve kept it also. i always have the urge, but i just leave it alone,” you admitted.

soobin took his bottom lip into his mouth, softly biting down onto it as he continued pumping himself slowly, his massive hand stretching around his enormous cock, tugging up and down as he still stared at your tits. oh, how fond he was of them.

you noticed his lip biting, but just shrugged it off as one of his habits.

“you haven’t even touched yourself? not even a little bit?” you asked out of curiosity, completely oblivious to the fact that soobin was right now.

with a soft groan as he let his lip go, he gulped and shook his head no. “not at all,” he mumbled.

something about the change in his tone and demeanor wasn’t convincing you. you tilted your head at him. “hmm, okay,” you hummed, picking your phone up to angle it up on your face and body as you sat up. you decided now was the time to tease him!

“do they look good? i bought this top the other day,” you smiled sweetly into the camera, referring to your tits.

oh, all the things soobin could say.

“of course they do. they always do. especially when my dick’s in between them,” he huffed, his phone bobbing up and down every so often.

his words truly caught you off guard, only expecting him to say the first bits. your eyes widened and jaw dropped, your smile then converting into a wicked smile.

“oh, yeah? i bet you’re missing that right now,” you teased, cupping one of your breasts with one of your small hands–one of the things soobin absolutely adored about you. he doted the size difference between your bodies, finding himself thinking about your tight and gummy walls around his cock.

soobin groaned, letting the back of his head hit the headboard of the bed against the wall, making a small noise. “love your body, babe. wanna come all over it,” he purred, the sinful words dripping off his tongue.

with his hand still working, his dick started to ache with pleasure. the veins within his cock pulsed blood straight to the skin of his hot and angry tip with a bit of extra friction from his foreskin rubbing against it. he couldn’t see the action happening within his pants, not daring to look away from the screen in case of suspicion from you.

“soobin!” you scolded. “what’s with the dirty words?” you mocked, but deep down, you loved his words of appreciation.

you started to take notice of the shaky camera and the way the corners of his mouth twitched from time to time. his struggled breathing, it was all a signal he might be doing something behind the camera. you decided to confront him about it.

“is my baby letting go? what happened to the promise?” you pouted, your pink and plump lips were the thing that soobin needed around the base of his cock right about now.

soobin tutted, holding back a moan from deep in his throat. “what are you talking about?” he tried to play dumb, only earning a tut back from you.

“i know what you’re doing, soobin. if you let me in on it, i’ll let you come,” you spoke, pointing your finger at him. “deal?”

“deal,” he sputtered, a breathy moan falling out of his mouth as he heard you say his name.

“now show me your dick, baby,” you spoke softly, wanting desperately to see him since you haven’t in so long.

with the shaky hand that was holding his phone, he rested the bottom of his phone on his chest before flipping the camera to showcase his flushed cock, pre-cum leaking out the hole.

your eyes weren’t deceiving you, this was real. soobin’s dick was like a fantasy. it was perfect and pretty in every way. huge, red and veiny, just how you like it. you whimpered yourself when he pulled his dick completely out of his sweats, rubbing his right hand up and down his cock, his foreskin coming up, vacuuming the head before going back down as his hand rested against his stubble of pubic hair. you were practically drooling at the sight, saliva inching down the corner of your bottom lip.

soobin stared at you through the screen, specifically your tits and how they snuggled into your tight top, hard nipples poking through the fabric; imagining himself peeking his tip through the seam of your tits, coming immensely and the cum dripping down your tits. the fantasies that he had were insane, his mind swirling with sinful thoughts.

“are you gonna come soon? couldn't wait til you come home, slut?” the degration slipped out of your mouth, causing a growl to drop from soobin’s.

“y/n…’m close, want you on my dick right now,” he uttered, biting his bottom lip feverishly behind the camera, his head falling back yet again abutting the headboard.

“set your phone up. wanna see your face as you fuck yourself,” you spoke, your tone demanding.

and soobin did so, pushing the comforters down as they bunched up, setting his phone up against them as he flipped the camera back around.

this was amazing; now you could see his admirable facial expressions he made along with the frantic pumping of his cock. he occasionally peeked down at his phone to look at your tits again, having a crave for them around his shaft.

soobin moaned and groaned, his face contorting and twisting in so many ways, mostly in pleasure as his other hand reached down to massage his heavy balls. his cheeks puffed up with air before disappearing when his jaw dropped slack, his voice echoing throughout the room, but in an effort to keep his tone down.

“that’s it. good boy. tell me how much you love me,” you purred as you stopped gawking for a moment to reach your dainty hand into your panties, your fingertips needily rubbing against your clit as your eyes fluttered shut.

soobin babbled, saying how much he loved and wanted your body, how he wanted to worship it and claim it as his own. “gonna come. wanna fill you up, baby,” he confessed, no shame within his expression.

those words immediately set you off, fingertips rubbing as fast as possible against your perky clit, chasing your orgasm. you opened your eyes to see his lengthy and girthy cock twitch in his hand as he slowed down his pumps, on the brink of his orgasm.

“come for me, baby,” you spoke soothingly as you gave him permission to come.

soobin watched you touched yourself, and it was a sight to him. he felt the electricity rushing down his spine and straight to his dick as he observed.

you watched attentively as cum erupted from the hole in his tip, squirting up into the air before landing on the sheets, staining them. cum leaked down his shaft, hastily picked up by his hand as he tugged lightly yet fast, moaning as his thighs trembled from the sensation of not coming for days on end. his orgasm was huge and gratifying, and his facial expressions said it all.

as you witnessed his orgasm, you felt yours coming too. the knot in your stomach snapped as you came, slick dripping out from your hole as your panties caught most of it. you let out a few noises of your own as you rode out your orgasm, your fingers swiping up and down against your pussy, thinking of soobin’s wet tongue lapping up your slick.

“fuck,” soobin cursed, feeling his dick softening now as he shoved it back into his boxers, not wanting to clean up yet. “that felt so good, y/n.”

you chuckled at his words, reaching your hand up from your panties as you wiped it on a nearby towel. “you act like i was there.”

“in my mind you were,” soobin laughed, his toothy smile beaming at the camera as he lifted it back up at the same angle it was before. “i love you so much, i’ll be home soon.”

“i love you, too, bunny. stay safe.”

“of course~.”

a/n: OMG FINALLY. this took me nearly 2 hours. i love soobin tho>:3 gl to the members as they take their hiatus. i’m so proud of them. my babies<3

#txt #txt smut #soobin #omg i love this #soobin smut #tomorrow x together #love #yesiheartmyownposts

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mothandpidgeon · 1 year ago

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Unrequited (bfd! pre-outbreak!/Jackson!Joel Miller x f!reader)

Moth's Masterlist // follow @mothandpidgeon-updates and turn on notifications to stay updated with my fics!

pairing: bfd! pre-outbreak!/Jackson!Joel Miller x f!reader

rating: E 18+MDNI

summary: You arrive in Jackson 22 years after the outbreak only to be reunited with your best friend’s dad, the man that stole your heart and broke it when you were fourteen– Joel Miller.

contents: best friend's dad, age gap, outbreak night (nothing that isnt in ep 1), big angst, abandonment issues, brief suicidal ideation, daddy issues, grief, Joel guilt, unprotected p in v sex, reader doesn't know where Jakarta is, reader is not described physically but Joel picks (adult) reader up, moth never uses y/n.

wc: 9k

a/n: This has been a bitch to finish but I'm quite proud of where it ended up. It's the longest os I've written which makes me nervous nobody will want to read it but I hope you do.

Thank you a million times to @ezrasbirdie for making me finish this and betaing. Also thank you @lowlights for listening to me ramble on this! Dividers by @saradika-graphics

Old man, take a look at your life. I’m a lot like you. Neil Young

You’re waiting for Sarah on the front steps when she gets home. School ended nearly two hours ago and you’ve been sitting here a ball of nerves. The whole world seems to be uneasy this afternoon. You notice sirens, a team of fighter jets scrambling above. It's like your anxiety has spilled out of your chest and it’s taken life all around you.

You finger the corner of your notebook. On the inside are doodles— hearts and bubble letters. Juvenile daydreams put to paper. Your first name and after it his last, testing out the sound of who you would be if only you’d been born in a different decade. Mrs. Miller.

Sarah doesn’t look very happy to see you. It’s been two weeks since you’ve talked to her and you’ve never felt more lonely.

Her words still ring in your ears.

“It’s like you’re in love with my dad.”

“No I'm not!” you said, your whole body tingling with the heat of embarrassment. You’d never felt so exposed in your life.

“Sometimes I think that’s the only reason you’re even friends with me,” she said.

You've been ruminating on that accusation ever since. You pine for Mr. Miller the way only a fourteen year old can. It’s the kind of infatuation that makes you understand how Romeo and Juliet ended in tragedy. All-consuming, unrequited, so in love it hurts.

So maybe Sarah’s right. Your heart flutters every time Mr Miller appears in the kitchen, wearing a dark t-shirt that hugs his biceps. You try not to stare at his aquiline nose when he drives you home from Sarah’s soccer games. Sleep overs at the Miller’s house mean more opportunities to be around him, learn the little details that make him him. And there were plenty of sleep overs because your parents are always so busy fighting, they never bother to keep track of you.

But you’ve been in agony without your friend. It’s a pain sharper and more present than the yearning you’ve felt for Mr. Miller. You’ve talked to her every day since you moved to Austin in fourth grade and since this fight, there’s been an empty space in your heart.

“Hi.” You stand up, hoisting your backpack awkwardly over your shoulder.

“I’m supposed to go next door,” Sarah says.

“Can I just talk to you for a minute?” you ask.

She sighs but opens the front door with her key and lets you follow her into the living room.

“I’m sorry,” you say before you lose your nerve. “You’re right. I like your dad.”

It’s probably the most embarrassing thing you’ve ever owned up to. You wish you could explain to her that you know how silly it is to be in love with a full grown man, your best friend’s dad. It’s not like he’ll ever see you as anything other than a kid.

You can’t put into words how he makes you feel. It’s not just his broad shoulders or chocolate eyes, though it’s undeniable that he’s gorgeous. He asks about school and comes to see you in the musical. Joel is an adult that actually gives a crap about you.

You want to tell Sarah that one of the reasons you love her father so much is because of her. Because he’s such a good dad, because he raised such a cool, funny, smart daughter. That Sarah makes him better.

It’ll take years for you to find words for all of that. So you just do your best right now.

“I can’t help it. I wish I could,” you say.

That’s true. And not just because your crush has made you lose your only friend. It’s exhausting to feel such a powerful longing, to want something you know you’ll never have. It’s torture.

“But you’re my best friend. And that’s not why. I promise,” you say.

Sarah sighs heavily, her pretty hazel eyes full of remorse.

“I’m sorry,” she says. “I shouldn’t have said that. I just get jealous sometimes.”

“I promise I won’t make you feel that way ever again. I could never like him more than you,” you tell her, sitting beside her on the couch and looking her in the eye so she knows you mean it. “He’s…old.”

You both laugh.

“He’s so lame. This morning he said that Jakarta is in the Middle East,” she giggles.

You don’t know where the hell Jakarta is but of course Sarah does. You throw your arms around her. You’ve missed her so damn much. The past two weeks have felt like two decades.

“I’m sorry,” you tell her.

“Me too.” She returns your embrace. “Do you have to go home? You can sleep over if you want. It’s my dad’s birthday but I don’t think he’s going to be home until late.”

Your heart twinges at the offer and not because it means you might see Mr. Miller at breakfast. You won’t even look at him again. Tonight is about your friend.

You end up watching some corny action movies and gorging yourselves on microwave popcorn. Everything feels right again. You don’t think about Mr. Miller. In fact, you’re grateful that his double has gone over into a late night so you don’t have to be in the same room. You’ve sworn to yourself that you’ll act normal around him but you’re not sure that sheer willpower can stop you from getting butterflies when he’s right there.

At some point, you pass out in front of the tv, happier than you’ve been in a long time.

Sarah nudges you awake sometime after midnight, concern all over her face.

“Was I snoring?” you ask, groggy.

She’s looking out the window. Helicopters fly so low overhead, the whole house rattles. It’s a wonder you slept through all of this noise— the choppers are joined by the wail of a car alarm, pops like fireworks. The TV is playing a high-pitched tone and when you peer at it, you see a test pattern on the screen.

Dread settles in the pit of your stomach.

“Something’s going on,” Sarah says almost to herself.

A sudden thud against the back door makes you both jump. You swear, shaken out of your sleepy haze.

“Mercy?” Sarah asks.

You’ve spent enough time with Sarah to become acquainted with their neighbors The Adlers and their border collie Mercy. Mr Adler used to pay you each a dollar to walk him. Mercy’s frantically pawing at the glass.

Sarah goes to the door and steps into the yard. You follow, unsure you want to leave the familiar safety of the house but unwilling to be alone with such an eerie feeling in the air.

“What’re you doing out here, boy?” Sarah says, crouching down to pet the whimpering animal.

“Where’s your dad?” you ask her.

You hope the question doesn’t make Sarah think you’ve already forgotten your promise. Everything’s just so wrong. You’d feel a lot better with an adult around.

“Don’t think he came home yet,” she says. You can hear the concern in her voice. “Let’s take Mercy back. The Alder’s will be home.”

Mercy puts up a fight as Sarah pulls him across the lawn. It’s late and dark save the street lamp and a few porch lights that have been left on. You shiver despite the fact that it’s a warm southern night.

The front door to the Adler’s house stands open and inside is black. No. Bad. You want to run back to the Miller’s house and lock the door behind you but the promise of Mr. And Mrs. Adler inside keeps you moving towards the darkened entrance. Maybe Mrs. Adler will give you some cookies while you wait for Mr. Miller.

Sarah steps in first. The dog bucks and strains against her grip on his collar. Sarah fights to keep hold of him but Mercy’s thrashing makes him hard to pin down. He pulls free from Sarah’s grasp and darts away.

You have half a mind to do the same but Sarah keeps going forward. She’s scared, too, her breaths shallow as she tip toes down the hall.

“Mrs. Adler?” Sarah asks, her voice barely above a whisper.

You reach for each other without even realizing it and you enter the kitchen holding hands.

What you see there is beyond your wildest imaginings. There’s blood, a lot of it. Sarah’s shoe slides in the stuff and you grab her before she loses her balance. The room is cast in shadows but a street light streams through the window in the side door. Its beam falls over the form of Mr. Adler, limp on the floor. His back is against the door and a gush of dark blood sparkles in the sodium vapor.

You’ve never seen so much blood, never seen anyone injured so brutally. It looks like he’s been attacked by some wild animal. Mercy was acting strange but the dog couldn’t do that.

“Help me,” he rasps.

He’s speaking to you. You’re actually here. This is happening and you need to do something.

But before you can form a coherent thought, your eyes travel deeper into the kitchen. Beside the island is more blood…and more bodies.

As if seeing Sarah’s neighbor with his neck ripped open wasn’t enough of a horror, you’re now watching Nana hunched over Mrs. Adler’s corpse, her face buried in the younger woman’s neck. The scene before you makes no sense. Most of the time the old woman is barely conscious, hasn’t left her wheelchair in years and yet she’s on all fours before you looking feral.

Sarah squeezes your hand so tight you’re afraid your knuckles will break.

Nana slowly raises her face to you. Her eyes are pitch black and her mouth teems with twitching tendrils. You are staring at a living, breathing monster.

When she leaps at you, you and Sarah bolt for the door. Your heart hammers against your ribs. Sarah makes it out first and races towards the sidewalk.

Once you’ve gotten onto the front step, you slam the storm door shut behind you to trap whatever that thing is inside. SLAM. Nana collides with the door and it rattles violently. You hold it closed with every ounce of strength in you, listening to the creature behind it scratch and wail and willing yourself not to look through the glass to see its horrible face. Terror holds your muscles taught. You’re not sure how long you can stay like this, your sneakers skidding across the ground.

With a roar, Uncle Tommy’s truck pulls up at that very moment and Mr. Miller hops out of the passenger seat before its even come to a full stop. He’s a fearsome sight, broad and rippling with untamed energy, his muscular arms outlined by the headlights of the car. You’ve never been more grateful for his presence.

This nightmare is almost over. Joel’s come to save you.

“Girls get in the car!” he bellows. His voice is raw and ragged.

Just as you’re ready to make a run for it, The door flings out towards you, and you’re thrown aside as if you weigh nothing. You hit the driveway hard, your head connecting with concrete.

For a moment, you can’t hear anything but the gush of blood pumping in your ears. You’re dizzy. Suffocating. There’s a warm trickle at your temple. Sarah calls your name. Your vision is blurred but you can make out the ghoulish form of the creature barreling towards her.

“What’re we doing, Joel?” you hear Tommy ask.

There’s a thud and then quiet.

You gasp again and again but your lungs won’t fill.

Are you dying? Help. You need help. The monster lays lifeless at Joel’s feet and you pray that he’ll scoop you up and take you away from this. Your eyes finally come into focus to see Mr. Miller comforting Sarah, holding her face in his big palms, so fixated on her that he doesn’t notice that Mr. Adler has appeared in the doorway.

Mr. Adler is still covered in so much blood and his gait has become twitchy as if his legs are on backwards. He moves towards them and you want to call out a warning but you’re still choking for air. Luckily he hasn’t noticed you but he soon stands between you and the Millers.

“We’ve got to move,” Tommy says.

“Get in the car,” Mr. Miller says to Sarah, throwing a protective arm in front of her.

“But she’s hurt!”

She steps towards you. You’d cry her name but you’ve still got the wind knocked out of you and you’re too terrified to make a noise. Mr. Adler makes an inhuman sound as he advances, a croaking, growling gurgle.

Mr. Miller pushes Sarah towards the truck.

“Leave her!” he barks. “Get in the car!”

You sputter and choke as you watch Sarah, Joel, and Tommy drive away.

You wait for a long time.

As the truck pulls off of the curb, Mr. Adler is joined by his wife in the street, making chase. You’re finally able to draw breath and rouse your body off of the ground. You scramble back across the lawn to the Miller’s house and lock yourself inside. There’s enough adrenaline coursing through you that you’re able to push the sofa to barricade the front door. You draw all of the curtains and grab the biggest knife you can find in the kitchen. It’s ridiculous, something you’ve seen in scary movies, but you’re living in one right now.

You hide yourself away. Sarah’s bedroom seems like the obvious place to do it. Familiar and safe. You curl yourself into a ball in the corner, clutching your knife and staring at the closed door with wild eyes.

Sirens go through the night. Gunshots. At one point even the roar of a jet engine.

For hours your body quivers as you try to make sense of what you’ve just witnessed. Flesh-eating mutants. Gore. Death. You keep waiting to wake up from a bad dream but you don’t. They left you. They abandoned you in a nightmare.

No. That’s impossible. You can accept that a comatose elderly woman made supper out of her son in law but you refuse to believe that Joel would desert you.

He’ll come back for you. Sarah will convince him. There’s always been room for you in their family.

But as the sun begins to peek through the blinds and the noises outside fade away, you begin to lose hope.

The muscles in your body go slack, exhausted from hours of uncontrollable shaking. Your instinct for survival and your need for sleep war with each other. Exhaustion is winning.

You cautiously open the door to Sarah’s room. The house is still, more quiet than you’ve ever experienced. You creep into the room at the end of the hall. The olive green sheets on Joel’s bed are still messy from when he woke up here the day before. A normal morning. His birthday.

You rest the knife on the night stand amongst the things he emptied from his pockets— coins, receipts, a stray nail. You slip into the bed and wrap yourself up. It smells like him— spicy deodorant and sweat, fresh cut lumber like the hardware store. The scent reminds you of all those times he was close, when your heart leapt.

They’ll come back. Mr. Miller wouldn’t leave you.

He left you to die but you just go on living.

It takes some time before you’re brave enough to leave the Miller’s house and see what’s left of the world. Your parents are nowhere to be found. It’s safe to assume they were infected that first night.

You’re on your own.

A QZ is set up outside of San Antonio. They assign you to housing for separated minors. An orphanage. You never make friends, not really. Trust is too fickle.

At night you lay in your bunk and wonder what life would be like if anybody gave a shit about you. Maybe you would have been with your parents when it all went down. You’d be a snarling monster but at least you wouldn’t be alone.

On the worst nights, when you like yourself the least, Mr. Miller’s words echo around your skull. “Leave her.” She's not worth it. Forget her.

You don’t imagine yourself in his arms anymore. Instead you picture him and Sarah and Uncle Tommy, all happy and safe hiding out somewhere idyllic. A sweet little cabin with a stream nearby, surrounded by peaceful woods. You’ve heard some people live like that.

Some days you wish you were with them. Others you wish they were all dead.

When you turn 18, you age out of your living situation. It couldn’t come soon enough. Things are changing and it seems like all the kids that stay in FEDRA school are being groomed to go straight into uniform. You dodged that bullet but life’s not easy. Now you’re well and truly alone, scraping by to keep food in your mouth and a roof over your head.

It only lasts a few years, though. By the time you’re 21, there’s an emergency evacuation. Outbreaks are happening within the walls and with so many people living on top of each other, it’s only a matter of time before shit hits the fan. They send swaths of people to Dallas but word is, there’s no room for such numbers and they consider everyone from San Antonio an infection risk.

You’ve heard enough stories to know what that means. There won’t be a warm welcome when you reach the next QZ. So you ditch the convoy and head north.

You bounce around for years, sometimes with others, a lot of time solo. Doing what you have to. It’s not a life, just survival.

By the time you reach the wilds of Wyoming, you’ve had enough. You break off from the group you’re traveling with. You leave them this time, just decide to walk into the forest and let the earth swallow you up. You’re exhausted, sick of hanging on by a thread. Too much of a coward to kill yourself, you wander around waiting for the cold or your hunger or a bear to do it for you.

They find you. Some scouts that look mean and tough take pity on you and offer you a place with them in a commune where things are half normal.

It’s the first time being alone has worked to your advantage.

Jackson is a strange place. It has walls like the QZ but it’s quaint. There’s laughter and evergreen wreaths, happy children that build snowmen in the center of town. Some of these kids have no idea how fucked up the world has become. All they know is this charming little haven.

You spend the first few days in the infirmary, getting patched up, regaining your strength. You feel like an animal compared to the people in your new community. It’s hard to accept that they’re willing to help you, no strings attached.

Eventually you’re well enough to have your own place. They set you up with a little apartment over one of the stores in town. You’re invited to take your meals in the dining hall.

It takes you back to those first days at your new middle school after you came to Austin. Unfortunately, this time Sarah’s not there to offer you a seat at her lunch table.

You keep to yourself, overwhelmed by all of the strange new faces. Head down, you eat your breakfast. It’s the best food you’ve had in years. As your belly fills, you start to relax and try to get used to the idea of this being home.

Then you hear a familiar voice say your name. You wonder if you’re hallucinating when you see him standing in front of you.

He’s gained a few decades but he looks good. His hair is nearly shoulder length and there’s a mustache on his upper lip but that’s him alright.

“Uncle Tommy?” you manage.

“That really you?” he asks.

Tommy puts a gentle hand on your shoulder. His smile wrinkles the corners of his eyes. You nod and you’re smiling too.

You expect to be upset. Tommy was there when you were abandoned after all. But you’re flooded with relief and a small flame of hope.

“Shit. What’re the chances?” he asks, studying your face. “C’mere.”

He pulls you through the lines of tables. Your head spins with questions. How did he end up in Wyoming of all places? How long has he been here? Did you actually die out there only to be sent to this strange afterlife?

“You remember this old son of a bitch?” Tommy asks with a chuckle when he stops at the table in a far corner.

And suddenly you’re face to face with Mr. Miller.

He’s old. Grey hairs run through his stubble and curl from his temple. There are deep lines in his face. He’s still good looking despite how weathered his features have become, still broad, still with that wonderful silhouette.

It’s funny. In your mind’s eye, you’ve never imagined Joel aging. He stayed the same while you grew up.

He looks at you for a long moment and then his thick bottom lip falls agape. His eyes glitter and his dimple appears as he recognizes the woman that you’ve become.

“Kiddo,” he whispers as he stands up.

He pulls you into a hug and his wide palm smooths down your back. He still smells just how you remember and without warning you’re sobbing into the front of his flannel.

You spent hours upon hours imagining what you might say if you ever saw him again. Sometimes it was a speech biting with venom, others a confession, a question. Now, though, your mind is blank, overwhelmed that fate has brought you back together. A testament to your survival.

“It’s alright, babygirl. You’re okay,” he says into your hair. Words you needed to hear all those years ago.

You stay like this for a long time, surrounded by him. He holds you the way you wished he had as you cried into his pillow in that empty house. Eventually you pull yourself together with a shaking breath.

“Where’s Sarah?” you ask, casting your eyes around the crowd in the mess hall.

There’s a girl sitting beside Joel, her curly hair pulled back into a ponytail, watching this scene unfold. Everyone else is polite enough to pretend you’re not bawling in the middle of lunch. Can’t be the first time it’s happened.

At your question, Tommy goes stone faced. The muscle in Joel’s jaw ticks.

You shake your head in disbelief. “Infected?” you squeak out.

“It wasn’t like that,” Joel chokes.

“She didn’t make it through that first night,” Tommy says.

It’s a punch in the gut, the air’s knocked out of your chest all over again. While it had crushed you to be abandoned, part of you understood. Joel had to choose and he picked his daughter. Even if he’d been in love with you the way you used to dream about, he always would have chosen Sarah. You couldn’t hold that against him, no matter how much it hurt. There just wasn’t anyone in the world that would have saved you.

But knowing that he failed her, that he failed you both, makes you sick. All those years of bitterness come flooding back to you and your tears turn hot and furious.

“You let her die?” you demand. “You told her to leave me behind and you didn’t even save her?” You push Joel, your hands against the wet spots you left on his shirt. It’s ineffectual. He barely moves against your pathetic shove but his face crumples. You know he hates himself as much as you do in that moment but that’s not enough. You hit him as hard as you can and he does nothing to defend himself.

“Hey, hey,” Tommy says, trying a hand on your shoulder.

“You should’ve saved her,” you bark.

Heads have turned now as Tommy holds you back.

“I hoped you were dead every day since you left me,” you say.

You can see on his face that Joel’s definitely wished the same thing.

You go on berating him, your tears mixing with spit as you snarl and shout, until Tommy’s able to wrestle you out of the dining hall.

The summer comes. After a long, cold winter, everyone in Jackson welcomes the change of seasons with open arms. Everyone but Joel.

Ellie was a salve for the deep wounds on his heart. They’ll never fully heal but at least they stopped overwhelming him for some time. Since your dramatic reunion, though, those scars have been torn open once more. Especially today.

It’s warm and there’s barely a cloud in the sky. The July weather is mild compared to summers in Texas. Fresh air blows in through the open windows of the house, beckoning Joel outside but he has no desire to be in the sunshine.

“You okay?” Ellie asks.

She’s just come down the stairs. It’s early and Joel’s already at the kitchen table. Didn’t sleep much.

He and Ellie have been together long enough that she understands the wordless shifts in his moods. They’ve gotten worse since you arrived in Jackson. He does his work and patrols, sometimes he nurses a whiskey alone at the bar. The rest of the time he keeps to himself. He’s sliding back towards the man she met back in Boston. Joel’s rebuilt the walls that surrounded him, brick by brick since that afternoon in the dining hall.

“I was going to meet Dina at the mess. Want to come? Or I could stick around?” she offers.

It’s going to be one of those dark days, the kind that makes him question why he’s been hanging on for so long, and Ellie knows it. She’s giving him a lifeline, offering to be with him so he doesn’t have to ask. He should accept it, but he doesn’t want to waste his energy putting on a brave face for her when he feels so broken.

“That’s alright, Ellie. Go on,” he says.

She doesn’t push him. She never does. She just gives a sympathetic smile before she slips out.

Once seems gone, his heart begins to ache.

Sometime later, there’s a knock at the door. The last person he expects to see on the porch is you. You look a little nervous, like if he’d taken longer to come to the door you might’ve bolted.

He hasn’t spoken to you since that day that you came back into his life but the words you said play relentlessly on loop in his mind. He should have made amends by now. You were his daughter’s best friend and of all the places at the end of the world, you’ve ended up in the same town. He passes by the old pharmacy you live above just about every day, thinks about seeing if you’re in so you can have a conversation. He even knows what he’d say, but he can’t work up the courage. There aren’t any words that can make right what he did to you.

The guilt metastasized deep in his gut. His failure compounded.

So he doesn’t blame you for keeping your distance, avoiding him when your paths cross. He lets you be angry with him, as he deserves.

“Want some company?” you ask.

He recognizes the look on your face and it dawns on him that he might not be the only person struggling today. He steps aside to let you in.

Joel sets a cup of tea down in front of you. It’s not the real thing. Dried herbs from the garden Maria keeps. You’ve taken a seat across from him at the table, glancing around the kitchen so you don’t have to look at him.

“Surprised you remember,” he says.

“My best friend’s birthday?”

He shrugs as he pulls up a chair across from you. “Was a long time ago.”

“I think you underestimate the power of female friendships.”

You wear a soft smile that makes Joel’s heart ache a little harder. He takes a good look at you, seeing you up close for the first time. There are hints of the girl he knew back in Austin but she’s buried under years of hard living.

You’re the same age Sarah would have been today. The same age he was when he lost everything.

You sigh and scratch awkwardly at your neck.

“Listen, I’m sorry about…all that shit I said. It’s…” you trail off and he’s sure you’re still mad at him, deep down.

“I reckon I’m the one that owes an apology. I shouldn’t’ve left you back there. Sarah begged me not to,” he admits. “I was trying to keep her safe. But I fucked that up, too.”

“That’s not true. I was just angry,” you tell him.

“I was always so pissed at your parents for not caring enough about you. Turns out I was just as bad,” he says.

He hadn’t given any thought to the choice he made all those years ago. His priority was his family and he had no room for the rest of humanity. Joel didn’t realize until he saw your face again just how selfish that had made him. The past months he’s been haunted by the thought of it, a young thing all alone in the chaos. If Sarah’s watching over him, which sometimes he hopes she is, she’d be ashamed.

“I’ve had a lot of time to think since I got here and…I don’t blame you. I’m not your kid. It just—“ You laugh without humor. “God, it’s so stupid but I had a huge crush on you.”

Joel’s eyebrows shoot up. You fiddle with the chipped handle on your mug.

“I know. I was just a kid but I was head over heels for you,” you say.

Joel can feel himself blushing. It’s a sweet thought. He’s honored in a strange way. He remembers the gravity of Sarah’s crushes– Leonardo DiCaprio, Usher, some guy with a lip ring from one of those punk bands she listened to.

“So when you left me…I was a little heart broken.”

“Shit,” Joel says.

“I didn’t say that to make you feel bad. I just wanted you to know why I was so hurt,” you tell him, leaning forward in your seat. “You didn’t know any of that. And it’s not fair to hang that over your head. It wasn’t your job to rescue me.”

“Course it was,” Joel responds. “You were just a kid. I let you down.”

You look at him gratefully and a tear slips down your cheek. It takes a minute for you to fully take that in and it seems like something you’ve needed to hear.

“Joel. I forgive you,” you tell him.

A thick knot forms in his throat.

There’s a litany of names in his mind, so many people he’s failed. Henry and Sam. Tess. Sarah. He’s never expected to be absolved of any of his sins, he doesn't deserve to be forgiven. But those three words make him feel lighter, like he can stop beating himself up. At least for a moment.

He tucks his chin into his chest trying to keep his own tears from spilling over. Your hand slips over his, a gentle, reassuring touch.

The two of you stay like that for a little while, crying together, then becoming reacquainted. You talk for a long time. There’s a lot of catching up to do but the conversation keeps coming back to Sarah. It’s a gift to share memories of her, to hear stories that he’s never heard. You knew Sarah better than anyone in the world— her favorite store in the mall, what she wanted for her birthday. Her hopes, her dreams, her fears. No fourteen year old goes to her daddy with her problems. You were there for her, though. Right up until the end.

“I, um, you should have this,” you say. “Well, it’s yours.”

You and Joel have migrated to the couch in the living room as the afternoon has crept on. You reach into your back pocket, a little reluctant, and pull something out.

It’s a photograph, dog eared and creased from years of being carried with you. Joel recognizes the picture— you and him and Sarah, all three of you donning life jackets, smiling as you float on a calm river. He and Tommy took Sarah kayaking and she asked if you could tag along. It was a wonderful day. Blue, cloudless sky.

The last time he saw the photo it was hanging under a magnet on the refrigerator in the kitchen.

“How’d…”

“I stayed in your house for a while. After. Just kind of hoping you might come back. I took that when I left. And I ate all your food,” you say with a little chuckle. You wipe some snot from your nose. “I guess…well, you probably don’t have a lot of pictures of her.”

You’re right. There was an outdated school photograph in his wallet when they left that night and it had been too painful to look at for years. It still stings a little but it feels easier to share with someone, someone that knew her so well.

“You sure?” he asks.

You nod. “I know where to find it.”

He props the picture up on the coffee table so you can both look at it and meditate on that day when everything felt so perfect.

“Remember we made you play “Crazy in Love” on on repeat the whole way there?” you ask.

“I still get that goddamn song stuck in my head,” he complains.

You laugh and rest your head on his shoulder. The familiar gesture cracks something open inside of him. He’s taken back to his favorite nights when he’d watch a movie with Sarah and she’d cuddle against him. Somehow the memory doesn’t hurt as much as he anticipates.

You sit like that, looking at the picture, both quiet, your smiles fading as you remember what’s happened since.

“Sometimes I think I see her,” he chokes.

He’s never told anyone that. But it seems like you might understand, He trusts you won’t meet his admission with a pitying smile.

“How’s she look?” you ask.

He can’t help but chuckle. He nods.

You don’t say anything, you just burrow your head a little deeper into him. Joel puts a gentle kiss in your hair.

You’re a fixture in the Miller house once again, part of the family. You babysit for Maria and tell her embarrassing stories about Tommy. You and Ellie tease Joel relentlessly. You sit with him in the evenings, sometimes singing along when he pulls out his guitar, other nights neither of you speak at all.

Slowly, you find yourself falling in love with him all over again. It’s not the same infatuation you harbored when you were young. You’re both different people. And you hardly knew him back then. Not really. What did a fourteen year old know about grown men?

The two of you fall into an easy rhythm. After being alone for such a long time, it’s magical to have a companion. Joel seems grateful for the company, too. He’s there whenever you turn around, like a promise. He’s not leaving you behind even if you’re just going from the stables to the library.

Neither of you acknowledge it, this easy rapport. A light squeeze on your shoulder, holding your hand when you get misty eyed. He probably doesn’t mean anything by it but you’re pretty sure you can’t live without it. You bask in the sweetness of these exchanges, trying not to think too hard about the fact that you used to spend Saturday nights giggling on his daughter’s bedroom floor.

He’s still Mr. Miller, after all.

Autumn comes and you’re inseparable. You realize just how much when you convince him to attend the children’s choir performance in town. You expect him to demure. Watching kids being kids must be painful. But he’s by your side in the dining hall as the little ones sing “Clementine” and “Oh Susanna”.

He puts his arm around your shoulder so you can lean into him. It might just be a paternal gesture, maybe you’re still a little girl in his eyes. That’s ok with you if he keeps absentmindedly massaging your upper arm. You can’t remember the last time you felt so safe, so loved.

Afterwards, he walks you home and you’re in such a good mood, you start singing to yourself.

“Johnny Cash,” he says approvingly.

You laugh to yourself. “You know, I started listening to him ‘cause of you. You had his CD in your truck,” you admit.

You wanted to like all of the things Joel liked. He would think you were so interesting and grown up because you knew all the words to “Riders in the Sky.”

“Least I was a good influence,” Joel says, shaking his head, his cheeks turning pink.

He’s so handsome when he blushes, you feel a little giddy when you come to stop in front of the old pharmacy.

“G’night, darlin’,” he says, giving your hand one last squeeze.

He waits. He’ll stand here and watch you get inside like he always does. He doesn’t need to— it’s not like people even lock their doors in Jackson— but he’s insisted on it so fervently that you stopped arguing.

You shouldn’t do it. It’s so silly. But there’s a softness in his eyes and his gentle touch still tingles on your arm. His salt and pepper hair is caught in the string lights that line the empty street. You can’t help yourself.

You kiss him, smoothing your palms up the front of his flannel until you sink your fingers into the curls at the base of his neck. The tip of his nose is cold from the chill in the evening air but his lips are warm and sweet.

You haven’t had a whole lot of experience kissing. You’d just started doing it when the outbreak happened and things haven’t been very romantic since. This is one of the better ones. Relatively chaste but unbearably tender. Certainly better than you could have imagined all those years ago.

It lasts longer than you expect. Joel kisses you back. He rests his hand on your waist and the way it covers so much of your back makes you swoon. Soon, though, he’s pulling away, cradling your cheek.

“We shouldn’t do that,” he says.

“I know,” you sigh. You’re reluctant to break away, savoring the brush of his nose against yours.

It’s all wrong but you’re not ashamed for trying it.

“Just once. I’ve always wanted to,” you say.

He presses his lips into your forehead. It feels bittersweet. A kiss you longed for for twenty years came and went.

You wave to him from the door before you go in for the night.

That kiss confirms Joel’s fears.

He’s spent months convincing himself that this is completely platonic. He would never have feelings for his daughter’s best friend. Even if he always wants to be around you.

He’s looking after you, comforting you, protecting you. He’s making up for those years that he made you suffer through. You forgave him but he’ll never stop atoning.

And then you kissed him.

Suddenly, he’s buried in an avalanche of thoughts he’s been disavowing.

You’re pretty and soft. You're strong and you ease the pain of his memories. You make him feel a little less alone.

The warmth of your lips, your body pressed to his. He was ready to lose himself in you.

That’s when he heard it.

It was Sarah’s voice chiding him with all the reasons why this is wrong.

She’s been in his head, his inner critic since the day she died, pointing out every failure and weakness in him. He could picture her looking down on him with disgust. She’s the same age as your daughter. She was just a kid when you met her. She deserves better than you.

He’s making the same mistake as before, letting his instinct get the better of him. The responsible part of him takes control. He can’t give you any more reasons to try and kiss him again.

If Joel is good at one thing it’s denying himself.

He backs off and you can sense it, he knows you do. Sometimes he catches you looking at him and there’s a longing in your eye. It fucking kills him but it’s just another reason why he’s no good for you.

Despite whatever it does to you, you haven’t got anybody else in Jackson so you stick around. He can only imagine how much it hurts you.

“Why did I go north?” you complain when Joel opens the front door. You’re holding a scarf tight around your neck, shivering against the cold. The sky is a dismal shade of gray, snowfall on the horizon.

Joel gets you in the house with a chuckle. He starts a fire, a luxury you little apartment doesn’t afford. You shiver in front of the hearth.

“Traded for this,” you say, pulling a thick book out of your coat and tossing it onto the coffee table.

“Oh good. I was looking for some light reading material,” Ellie quips from her spot on the couch.

“It’s a dictionary,” you explain, “so you’ll quit cheating at Boggle.”

“You're in trouble now,” Joel laughs.

“I don’t cheat. I just know more words than you guys,” she says.

“Dentment is not a word,” you reply.

“Neither is thoard,” Joel says.

“Sure it is. I’m about to thoard the two of you in this game,” she says.

This should be enough. A winter day by the fire. The simple joy of a board game. Laughter. This is practically a normal life.

But each time Joel’s eyes fall on you, there’s a pang in his chest. You’re just close enough that he could reach out and touch you but he won’t. He can’t.

When the sun sets, Ellie retreats to her room. Eventually, you fall asleep on the couch, wrapped up in a quilt as the fire dies down. You look even younger, curled up serenely. There’s no worry on your brow. Usually your face is in a perpetual frown even when you’re not in a mood.

The snow is already knee deep with no signs of slowing. There’s no sense in sending you back out there.

Joel scoops you up as gently as he can. He feels his age, back straining, but he doesn’t mind. He enjoys how you nestle your face into his chest as he mounts the stairs, warm and snug in his arms. A smile pulls at his lips.

He sets you down carefully on his bed and you whimper groggily at the loss of his touch. Your eyes crack open.

“Snowing pretty bad. Sleep here. I’ll be on the couch,” he whispers.

“Stay,” you murmur.

He hesitates. Carrying you to bed was already crossing a line. He’s not worried about keeping his hands to himself. He’s been able to control himself for this long. If he lays down next to you, feeling you warming his sheets, smelling the peppermint soap on your skin, he’ll be so far gone for you, there’ll be no coming back.

But denying you this simple request feels cruel. He imagines you waking up here all alone. You’re half asleep but what if you remember asking him to remain only to be abandoned again?

He gets into bed, still fully clothed and careful to stay on his side. His jaw is clenched so tightly his teeth hurt. You give a satisfied hum and sink back into sleep, your body melting into the mattress.

Joel watches you for a moment, fights the urge to put a kiss on your forehead. He crosses his arms and stares at the ceiling, beginning to tangle with the web of emotions that accompany you. Once it gets too confusing, he drifts off as well.

When you reach out for him in your sleep, he can’t deny you. Joel tries his hardest to pretend it doesn’t feel good, that this isn’t something he’s wanted to do. So he imagines the nightmares that come to you. Reminds himself that you wouldn’t have seen any of that shit if he hadn’t left you for dead. Now that you're in his arms, he’ll make sure nothing touches you ever again. The least he can do is hold you and make sure it goes no further.

You both find reasons that you should stay the night. Neither of you acknowledge it. Joel just hands you one of his t-shirts and busies himself as you slip out of your clothes and get under the covers. It’s all rather innocent, Joel does more than rub your back even though you sometimes feel his morning wood through his sweatpants. If he wants you, he doesn’t let himself have you. And he could.

It’s fine with you if cuddling is all this is. You don’t try to do anything more than that, unwilling to upset the unspoken agreement between you. You can be satisfied with a broad, firm chest to rest your back against. Sleep is better beside him, his heart beats guiding your own. The weight of his arm draped across you makes your body feel deliciously heavy.

After a while, though, it happens.

Joel’s having a nightmare. His murmurs and restless movements wake you. His mouth twitches and his brow is creased. You smooth circles into his shoulder until his eyes open. Even in the darkness you can see the despair in them.

He blinks, coming back to reality, remembering he’s not wherever his dreams took him. You brush your fingers through his hair, gazing at one another as his breaths even out. Normally, his age is obvious– the lines in his forehead, the sun spots on his cheek– yet right now he looks young. Like a boy that needs to sleep with a night light.

You’re not sure who initiates but you find each other in the dark. At first he’s not kissing you at all, his lips are just brushing your cheek or your nose. It’s sweet and gentle. You try to hold in a moan, worried that any noise might shatter this moment.

The kisses are timid as if you’re both waiting for someone to stop this. Joel lets out a shuddering breath against you. This is a bad idea, you’re both thinking it. After you kissed him the last time, he held you at arms length. When this blows up, you’ll lose him entirely. But you need to be closer to him.

You open your mouth to him, tangle your legs between his. His hand slides under your shirt, roaming your bare skin. You thought that snuggling under the blanket was enough but now you realize just how hungry you’ve been to be touched. Really touched. He needs it too. Joel leans into your hand on his jaw with a whimper.

You don’t open your eyes. You might be the one dreaming and you don’t want to wake up.

It’s quiet, just the sound of hot breaths and desperate kisses, the swish of the sheets as you shift your hips to meet his. You keep yourself from rocking against him, try to enjoy the feeling of him without crossing yet another line, but you’re aching. His shirt has ridden up so you feel the softness of his middle, the light hairs on his chest. Your fingers intertwine with his as his mouth trails down the column of your neck and. Joel buries his face there.

“I’m sorry,” he breathes.

You’re not sure what he’s apologizing for. This? Then? The years in between? None of it matters because you want to live in this moment forever.

You shush him, pull him back to your mouth. You’re ready to lose yourself, to forget, to ignore the storm of thoughts constantly plaguing your mind. This is all you want.

You peel off your clothing, helping him slide out of his sweatpants until there’s nothing between you. Joel’s skin is warm and soft against you and you realize you’ve never been this close to another soul.

When Joel settles over you and you feel him throbbing between his legs, you shiver with nervous anticipation. You expect him to say something, to warn you that this is a bad idea, to promise this won’t change anything. But his brown eyes look as confused with need as you feel. There’s no room for thinking or it will crush this fragile moment like glass.

You tilt your hips to allow him in, already slick from being so close to him.

Slowly, he enters you, kissing you all the while. He makes a choked sound, wincing as his body stills. The noise makes you clench around him.

Together you take a moment to get your bearings and you adjust to the fullness of him. Joel’s eyes are pressed shut, his teeth digging into his bottom lip.

Before he begins to move, his thumb finds your clit, grazing it lightly. After years of solitude and now months being just out of reach of him, the sensation makes you gasp sharply.

You’ve had sex a handful of times. They had been more about fulfilling a self destructive urge than a desire for pleasure. It’s never been like this.

You start to lose sense of everything but the feelings of your body. Your core tenses and your breaths go short and you start to forget that it’s Joel whose hips are stuttering into you. It’s as if this euphoria can erase some of those awful memories.

Soon you’re shattering beneath him, a crescendo that has you tugging on his hair and gasping for air. Joel grunts into your ear. He follows after you, hissing as he pulls out of you. He pulses into his hand, his release dripping from his fist onto your sweat damp skin. Then he collapses onto you. You run your fingers through his long curls and he kisses your forehead. There might be tears in your eyes– maybe his too. It’s too dark to be sure– but when his breath evens out, it still sounds ragged against you.

Eventually he gets out of bed and leaves the room and, in that moment, you can feel everything hanging over your head again– what you’ve just done, the horrors of the world. Perhaps even more intense than before.

But Joel returns quickly. He flicks on the light on his bed side table and cleans you with a damp rag. His touch is gentle, reverent, and his dark eyes travel over your naked skin to yours. There’s a question in them, guilt, but you have no regrets. You smooth your hand out on the sheets beside you and he lays back on his pillow. He surrounds you with his massive arms and you fall asleep grateful that you don’t feel abandoned anymore.

You worry that it was just a one time thing, try to accept that it might never happen again. But the next time you share Joel’s bed, he’s pulling you into him, pressing kisses into your shoulder, nuzzling at the spot behind your ear. His hard length prods at the small of your back.

It starts like that every time. Intimate, sensual, quiet. It’s never tearing his clothes off or pushing you up against a wall. You just stay close, breath each other in, trail fingertips across skin. Neither of you ever speak above a whisper.

Joel barely talks at all except to ask, “That too much?” and “Feel good?”

You live for the moments when his hand skates over your hip, his dark eyes soft.

“Pretty,” he says almost to himself.

He’s such a beautiful man. Your fingers trace the smooth plane of his chest, dusted lightly with hair and a few stray freckles. Age has only improved him. The greys in his stubble catch the glow from the lamp on the nightstand. You study him with the same attention to detail you used in your youth. The cleft in his bottom lip, the dimples on his lower back, the scar on his temple. You’ve memorized it all.

Joel breaks open for you. He lets you see him vulnerable. He’ll fuck you with thrusts that shake loose deep emotions. Just as quickly, he’ll hold you together when it feels like you’re falling apart.

You lay with him after, sticky with the shared heat of your bodies but reluctant to roll away and break the connection.

Whatever this is, you don’t speak its name. There are too many questions and conflicts that it might not withstand. It exists only for you and him. A safe haven in the chaos, a bit of respite at the end of long years.

In his arms, you’re not his dead daughter’s best friend. He’s not the man that left you when you needed him most. You’re just two people that need to not be alone. Each time, it’s the same. The overwhelming bliss of Joel making love to you is second only to the understanding that he’s finally come back for you.

Thanks for reading! I'd love to hear from you. Comments and reblogs always appreciated.

#joel miller #tlou #joel miller fic #bfd!joel miller #jackson!joel miller #pedro pascal #pedro pascal character fic

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lynnie-s3all · 2 months ago

Note

can i request... reader braiding 1x1x1x1's hair for fun?

Well, i might draw it, but i can give these.

It's lovely... just like you.

1x1x1x1 with reader braiding their hair

His personality based off my headcanons will be very different from how other writers made so bear with me please :>

Braiding his hair so far is a pretty chill for the two of you, he likes the feeling of his scalp being pulled a bit, especially if you're seperating the strands of his hair. (well to be honest i kinda have a habit on that too)

He loves it when you brush his hair since his hair is smooth, it barely had any tangles, and removing the hairtie was a tricky one, since he like it to be tight, which probably irritate his head and get a migrane from that, so you have a solution to fix that. We'll go in that part later on.

Other than you brushing his hair, he would like to return the favor too. Doesn't matter if your hair is short or long, he would try to make braids on your hair. Well let's just say he got used to how to braid it after you taught him on how to braid step by step.

You would put on a mirror right in front of him and just to look at you in the refection, helping to braid his hair. I think he zoned out the whole time but it's just wholesome to be looking at you braiding...

"Well what do you think?" You grabbed a mirror and letting him hold it so he can look at himself.

"Not bad i suppose, but i don't want to wear them outside..."

He replied back with a blush on his face, while also grabbing his own hair and brushing it, especially the braids itself.

"Well, you still look pretty if you wear them like that, I'm just very much pleased to work with your white hair. It's so majestic..."

"Really?"

...

"Yeah, really."

Either way, i might took this headcanon from someone's idea but I'm gonna write it down but modify it into mine.

He would always maintain his hair, like literally his hair is silky and shiny, i couldn't be that jealous you know if it was that smooth. Like he would just use his own hair for a shampoo advertisement, but I don't think he would like that.

So the question is, where did he get his hair to be that smooth? He said "it happens naturally". I don't even trust this dude's words.

At one time he said he used his victims blood and that's the reson why he had silky smooth hair, but that's just so false or straight up common sense...

My recommended suggestions for him: find a ribbon or a bow, put it on top of his hair / ponytail braid. He's embarrassed (and denies it doesn't look pretty on him)

(and btw he's lying again, he's a bit mad, i know.)

HE LIKES YO-

"Sorry for bothering but she's dead."

- 1x1x1x1

"im still alive, dumbass."

(ANYWAY I'll MAKE A DOODLE OF THESE TWO YAY)

end note:

Yall, I'm so tired from schoolwork, so i did the headcanon ideas while I'm there and well... i made several ones so i think i can finish them in time (and make 3 requests on one go)

#forsaken x reader #forsaken #007n7 forsaken #roblox #art #forsaken c00lkidd #c00lkidd #1x1x1x1 #sketch #chance forsaken #1x1x1x1 x reader #1x1x1x1 forsaken #two time forsaken #forsaken elliot

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raven-at-the-writing-desk · 3 months ago

Note

Now that all the main cast's unique magic has been shown, can you make a ranking on your favorite unique magic from most to least favorite? Would be favorite unique magic from each dorm but felt some feels unfair especially Ignihyde when Ortho is confirm unable to have his own. You can include the other characters like Chenya, Rollo, Skully, and Fellow.

Originally I was gonna ask about your top favorite dreams, overblot boys' dream outfit, and chapter 7 SSRs (excluding the main Diasomonia uniforms), but there is chance there will be more dreams in upcoming chapter since some people theorize that we might see both Silver's and Malleus's now that Ace's UM is shown. Even a possibility of Silver having an SSR card. So I will be holding this question once chapter 7 is over.

[For a complete compilation of known unique magic (including name, incantation, first use, effects, and limitations), check out this post!]

To briefly explain what is mentioned in the second ask and the second paragraph of first ask, some fans theorize that with Ace’s new UM (which seemingly allows him to borrow, copy, or swap UM with a target?), he could use Malleus’s magic against him or on other characters too. This could potentially allow us to see his dream and/or Silver’s. As far as I could tell it though, there doesn’t seem to be a purpose for doing this provided by theorists yet.

Aaand with that aside, here’s my personal ranking of the UMs, with explanations for each below. It’s not numerical, but rather tiers. This is primarily based on how practical or fun I think the UMs would be to my daily life, NOT based on power level or some other metric.

“Useful overall”

Snake Whisper/Snake Charmer — At the risk of sounding slightly unhinged, this would make life in general easier. Shockingly few drawbacks or limitations too. (Big surprise, the person who says they are similar to Jamil puts Jamil’s UM as at the top…)

I See You/Arrow Afar — As someone that easily gets lost while traveling and easily loses things, this UM sounds like a godsend. Just tag whatever you want to locate and you’re good to go!

Far Cry Cradle — The idea of experiencing stories by touching a random object is so fascinating. Endless entertainment but could also help with answering questions. Bonus: reminds me of the Dimensional Scream from the Pokémon Mystery Dungeon Explorers games.

“Fun to experiment with”

Doodle Suit/Paint the Roses — The simple act of being able to change the smell, taste, or texture of something would make dietary restrictions so much easier to deal with. Other applications would be nice for comfort too, like adjusting the perception of brightness or loudness just for yourself in a group setting like a movie or concert. (There’s some ominous fan works and theories about Trey being able to use his UM to overwrite others’ emotions or thoughts too, but I’m only sticking to what he is shown to be capable of in canon.)

Split Card — I’d wanna see how many clones can be made at once and what each is physically and mentally capable of. (We already know the magical power of the original and the clones goes down, so what about other parameters?) Useful for multitasking.

Joker Snatch — It's basically the same has having multiple UMs. Would fuck around and find out what this sucker is capable of. :9

Fairest One of All — Such a flexible and customizable UM, honestly. You can basically set whatever conditions you like, just be careful about the wording because the curses get pretty locked in.

Meet in a Dream — The idea of hopping around dreams and seeing what weird shit goes on in people's heads sounds so fun! Then you can embarrass them about it in the waking world :>

Not All My Head —Ultimate stealth... You can bypass into some of the most secure places in the world just for the lols 🤣 or, y'know... sneak into the kitchen to steal some snacks or something.

“Messing with the forces of nature because fuck you, that’s why”

King’s Roar — Could be used for a fight, but also to clear an area. What's that? Destruction of nature/property? Potential for murder? IT'S OKAY, JUST BREATHE IN THE SAND PARTICLES FLUTTERING IN THE BREEZE AND DON'T CHOKE :))

Oasis Maker — Need clean water to drink? BOOM. Want to water your garden? BOOM. Making a random swimming pool? BOOM. Maximum output for minimum effort.

Fae (of) Maleficence — You become a literal god of time and space. Scary amount of potential for control.

“The trail mix where I pick out the bits I like and leave the gross stuff in there”

Laugh with Me — Not really useful unless for small pranks or you + the target are in a convenient location already (since you'd have to take steps forward to get the target to do the same).

Sleep Kiss/Crimson Slumber — Can be protective (but can't seem to be cast on the self, only on others). Also useful to put people to sleep. Would like to use to send my pet or loud neighbors to sleep early instead of staying up late and bothering me :v

Living Bolt — Very good for an extra boost of speed and/or power if in a rush or in a desperate situation. Unfortunately comes with electrical side effects so that's... not optimal.

Scary Night — Basically Off with your Head but also limits your movement, so I consider it an upgrade with applications besides just combat. Wonder what happens if you cook with those pumpkin’d people or smash the pumpkin on the ground… Is that instadeath? Gruesome to think about, but unsure of since we see so little of the UM in action.

“Requires rizz”

It’s a Deal and Life is Fun — Same reasoning for both; takes a certain amount of charisma to pull these UMs off and if you lack that then this magic sucks. Would be useful if you did have these characters’ sway though.

“Fistfighting central”

Off with your Head — Could shut down a hostile party’s magic, but if you’re not as trigger happy as Riddle is then how often would you realistically use this? And if the target has no magic then this basically does nothing.

Bet the Limit/Double Down — Assuming you’re not already dead from the blows you’ve already eaten and/or you can aim properly and get that shot in before you wipe??? Okay, sure 😂

Bind the Heart — Only deflects magical blows. Physical hits will still pass. Would get my ass beat anyway.

Dark Fire — Primarily useful only for combat, which most people don’t get up to on a regular basis. Must be a true hater or be surrounded by true haters to get the most power out of this. What happens if everyone holds hands and sings a song at you? Do you just pathetically whimper and die out in a pile of ashes/j

“Not a furry, don’t @ me”

Unleash (the) Beast — The idea of a big furry... creature... charging at me makes me want to run and hide 🤢 Could have its use for strength and speed, but… I still don’t want a massive dog around.

“This could have been an email”

Shock the Heart — Nothing a reasonable amount of blackmail research cannot do. Has so many limitations (eye contact, only one use per person, target may resist/refuse anyway, etc.) you may as well need a PhD in order to manufacture plans to effectively use this UM.

“So niche it has like no practical application”

Gate to (the) Underworld — Y-You just… open and close a door to a pit of Phantoms. Discounting opening the pit to retrieve Phantoms to test or experiment on, why would you not just keep this closed all the time and just never use this UM 💀

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dragon-kazansky · 1 year ago

Text

Bridgerton shade of blue

Benedict Bridgerton x Female Reader

Benedict bumps into you, quite literally, at a ball while trying to escape his mother's attempts to find him a partner. You decide to humour him with a dance, not realising just how entwined you would become with him. It seems the universe will find every excuse to push you and Benedict together, no matter how much you fight it.

{Masterlist}

{Previous Chapter} - {Next Chapter}

Season one

Chapter Nine - Late night scandals

♡♡♡

"What do you think Bridgerton?"

Benedict turns around to find the artist he had accidentally offended at the gallery the other night.

"This one more to your liking?"

"Mr. Granville--" Benedict raises from his chair to approach the man.

"Perhaps they should take it over to Somerset House so it can be skyed right next to mine."

"I believe I owe you an apology, sir." Benedict says, feeling rather embarrassed.

"Unnecessary. I actually quite enjoy the eloquent stings of your critique. So?" He gestures back to the painting on the wall.

"A touch morose for my tastes," Benedict says.

Henry points to the next one.

"A tragedy. The hound deserved better," Benedict comments.

Granville laughs. "Where is yours?"

"My..."

"Your work," Granville clarifies. "Are you tell me you're not an artist yourself?"

"Well, I-- I suppose sometimes I like to... Well, I mean, I almost--"

"I believe 'yes' and 'thank you' are the words you seek. But either way, you should come by my studio." Mr Granville holds out a small card to Benedict, who accepts it. "The pieces I do for myself are there, and I think you will find my real work far less, um... Oh, how did you put it? 'Cold and lacking inner life?'"

Benedict scrunched up his face as he nodded, still burning with embarrassment. "I shall never live that down, shall I?"

Mr Granville leaves.

Benedict returns to his table where he had been absentmindedly doodling. Eyes. He was sketching out a pair of eyes. Pretty ones. From memory.

He sighs and closes the sketchbook.

♡♡♡

As you sit in the drawing room of the Bridgerton house, as invited by Violet, you discover that she had no idea about the boxing match, or that Daphne had been there.

You keep your eyes focused on the latest Whistledown paper, though you had stopped reading it.

Daphne was playing the piano while her mother interrogated her.

"A boxing match is no place for any young lady." Violet sighs.

"Is it a place for a prince? Was he at today's match, sister?" Hyacinth asks.

"He certainly was."

"It is a loathsome and barbarous form of entertainment," Violet was very displeased.

That was when Daphne took the opportunity to mention you had gone as well, which had Violet looking at you.

"You too?"

You glare softly at Daphne, who gives you a smug little look. Crafty one, she is.

"Anthony invited me," you admit.

Violet looked terribly ill all of a sudden. You were sure she would being this up with her eldest son at some point.

"What about the duke?" Hyacinth asks.

"What about the duke?" Both Violet and Daphne ask at the same time. You eye Daphne curiously from your seat.

"Was he also present?" Hyacinth asked, less enthusiastic now.

"I do not know," Daphne says. "If the duke was there, I did not see him."

Hyacinth leaves the piano to go see what Eloise is up to. She had been scribbling away in her book since you arrived.

You put the Whistledown column down and rose from your seat to seek entertainment near the window. Watching the street was surely more entertainment than listening in on that conversation.

Anthony enters the room and greets both his mother and his sister. You turn and he greets you too.

"Did you truly take your sister to a boxing match?" Violet hounds him.

"Your admonishment will have to wait. I have news," he cuts her lecture short. "Prince Friedrich has asked for my permission to propose." He looks at Daphne.

She stops playing. "So soon?"

"Well, what did you tell him?" Violet asks.

"That I know better than to answer for my sister. I have no objections to the man. People speak well of him. Whatever you decide, Daph, you shall have my support."

You look at Daphne quietly.

"I... uh... I..." She doesn't know what to say.

"You need not decide now," Violet tells her. "You certainly have no known him long."

"Let me know when you have an answer, and I shall convey it." Anthony says to his sister.

"Indeed." Daphne looks at him.

Anthony leaves as quickly as he came in. It was clear Daphne needed time to think.

♡♡♡

When Daphne had pleaded with you to attend the next ball with her, you couldn't say no. There was a sadness to her gaze, and you wondered from where it had risen.

Something had happened between her and the duke, and she had been off kilter ever since.

The ball, like all had been so far, was wonderful. The theme was a little more out there this time, but everyone was behaving quite perfectly.

You were standing with Daphne as she scanned the crowd. Exactly who she was looking for, you weren't quite certain. You would suggest the prince on the account that the duke was apparently leaving London tonight.

The prince could be seen across the room. He was in conversation with someone. You glance toward Daphne, but your gaze shifts as Cressida Cowper comes over. You give Daphne a gentle nudge.

"Daphne." Cressida chuckles. "You look beautiful, as always."

"Thank you, Cressida," Daphne says politely.

"You could have chosen anyone," Cressida says. "You have gentlemen lined up to pay you tribute. Yet you did not hesitate to steal my chance for happiness away, did you? I knew the marriage market would make rivals of us, but I never thought youcapable of being my enemy."

"The man made his choice, Cressida. What did you expect me to do?" Daphne asks.

Daphne walks off in the direction of the prince. You look at Cressida and then walk off in the other direction.

There is nothing you could ever say to her.

You begin to walk alongside the dance floor, watching the couples dance. A hand comes into view, and you turn to see a friendly looking young man smiling at you.

"May I have this dance?"

You take a moment to gather yourself. You had hoped one of the Bridgerton boys would be here to dance with you, but you supposed you couldn't rely on them every time.

"You may."

You go with him to dance.

It seemed Benedict wasn't here.

♡♡♡

Benedict was, in fact, making his way to the studio of Mr. Granville. He was intrigued by the artist.

He finds the address and knocks on the door. Henry Granville answers.

"Mr. Bridgerton."

Benedict stands there a little awkwardly.

"Come in, come in."

Granville lets him in. Benedict enters and follows him. He is led further inside and finds himself in a large room. A circle of easels presented around two nude models.

"I do not know what I was expecting, but it surely was not this." Benedict says.

"Oh, simply a gathering of like-minded souls." Henry tells him. "Here, let me show you what I've been working on."

Benedict is led further inside the studio. He passes a couple of painters discussing war so causally.

"What do you think?" Henry asks.

Benedict walks over and takes a look at the canvas.

"Hmm. It's a far cry from Somerset House, I must say."

"I shall take that a compliment."

They both chuckle.

"And I must say, I'm truly jealous. Is this your life?" Benedict asks.

"There are advantages to being the second-born." Henry tells him. "Heirs have the responsibility. Second sons have the fun."

They both chuckle again.

"So... why not go have some fun?" Henry gestures to the models. He's giving Benedict the chance to epress himself through art.

Benedict picks an easel and sits down.

♡♡♡

As you dance once again tonight, you spot Anthony standing off to the side. He's staring at the opera singer.

You hard heard whispers about him being infatuated with an opera singer, but had no idea if there lay any truth to them.

You continue dancing with your partner.

Benedict was still a no-show tonight, which you found to be rather disappointing. You had been looking forward to another evening of his little quips and teasing.

When the dance ends, you curtsy to your partner and head in the direction of Anthony and Violet. Lady Bridgerton had tries to introduce her son to a rather pretty young lady, but he showed no interest.

"Shall we dance, Lord Bridgerton?" You ask, looking at Anthony.

He turns and looks at you, for half a second, thinking you were another lady his mother was intent on pushing on him.

"Yes, let's." He offers his arm, and you take it. Violet watches you both go. Even if he chose you, she would be pleased, but she knows her son will not take you as his wife. You're his friend who has come to rescue him from her for a while.

Violet downs a third glass of champagne.

"She is persistent," you say.

"Hm?"

"Your mother."

Anthony chuckles softly. "Yes. Quite."

"The opera singer..."

He looks at you.

"Nevermind. Its not my business."

Anthony's expression softens. "I was - am - found of her."

"Yes. I assumed as much."

Anthony sighs. "It's complicated.

You nod and say no more on the matter. Anthony spins you around elegantly.

"Is Benedict not here tonight?" You ask, twirling with him.

"Benedict? No." He gazes at you. "Why do you ask?"

"I just noticed his absence."

"Missing your dance partner?" He teases.

You chuckle. "Am I that obvious?"

He winks at you, and you shake your head with a smile. "I'm fond of you boys. I can't help it when I notice one of you is missing."

Anthony grins. "How lucky we are to have gained such a special friend such as you."

As Anthony gives you another turn around the floor, you spot Colin speaking with Penelope. You smile softly at the sight and then turn your attention back to the eldest brother.

At least you'll have one Bridgerton on your dance card tonight.

As the next dance begins, Anthony keeps your company longer. You're aware this may catch attention from others, especially Lady Whistledown should she be here, but none the less, you dance with him twice.

You soon see that Colin has left Penelope on the sidelines to dance with Miss Thompson, and you also find the prince talking to Daphne amidst their dance.

The dance ends, and you manage to catch sight of Daphne fleeing the ballroom.

Anthony bows, and you curtsy.

"Until next time." He nods his head at you. You smile and nod, taking your leave. You worry about Daphne and intend to go check on her, but you're stopped by another gentleman.

You sigh and realise you'll have to dance with him before you can flee again.

The dance feels like it drags on, and on, and on. You smile, you listen to your partner talk, but your mind is focused on Daphne. She did not look well when she fled.

When the dance ends, you spot Anthony leaving the ballroom. You waste no more time and follow him.

He heads outside. You follow.

"Anthony?"

He turns and looks at you. "Go back inside."

"What's the matter? What's happening?"

"Did you see him?" Anthony asks urgently.

"Who?"

"The duke."

"He is here?"

"He was, and now I can't find Daphne." You realise he's concerned about his sister.

You hear something further in the garden, and Anthony hurries off. You follow him, close on his heels.

What you find is not what you ever expected to see.

Simon and Daphne were not just kissing. His hands were all over her. Her dress had been pulled down. You cover your mouth, though you can not hide the gasp that escapes you.

Anthony runs at Simon.

"Bastard!"

Simon receives a strong punch to the face. He falls to the ground, and Anthony takes another swing. He punches him a third time and then stands beside his sister. You hurry to her other side and checks her over.

"Daphne..."

She is speechless. She has no words for you. They have been caught in a compromising position.

"You will marry her," Anthony declares.

"What?" Daphne looks at her brother.

"Immediately. We can only hope no one saw you take such liberties, and my sister is saved further mortification. You will marry her!"

Anthony is angry.

"Brother!"

"I cannot marry her," Simon says.

"You have defiled her innocence, and now you refuse her hand? I knew you were a rake, Hastings, I never thought you a villain."

"I cannot marry her," Simon states more firmly.

Daphne looks hurt.

"Then you leave me no choice. I must demand satisfaction."

"A duel? Anthony, you cannot--" Daphne begins.

"He dishonours you, sister." Anthony looks at her. "He dishonours you and me and the very Bridgerton name. I have misjudged you, indeed. You have duped us both, but I shall not see my sister pay for my own misdeeds. We will settle this as gentlemen."

"I understand," Simon agrees. "I shall see you at dawn."

"I do not understand," Daphne says softly. "You would rather die than marry me?"

You look at Simon quietly.

"I am truly sorry."

"We need to go, Daph. Before anyone should see us." Anthony says softly.

You reach out for her arm gently and pull her away, Anthony follows you both.

Daphne takes her brother's arm after he begs of you not to say a word about anything. You swear by it, looking him in the eye. Anthony thanks you.

You drift off from them as you enter the ballroom once again.

Anthony approaches Colin and tells him he is taking her home. He asks Colin to take care of their mother. You decide to step in and help. Anthony looks grateful.

Anthony and Daphne leave.

Colin looks at you, but you just smile softly at him and ask him to help you with Violet. He doesn't say anything about Daphne or Anthony.

Neither do you.

♡♡♡

@callmemana - @lilscast - @imgondeletedis - @benedictbridgertonss - @clownsdiehard - @wxnterwidow333

@sillynilly27 - @autumn-slaves - @ben-has-arrived - @ajdelilah - @aadu2173

@booknerdlife - @tamlinrose - @sarahskywalker-amidala - @cheryyluv - @louschan - @lou-la-lou - @cultish-corner

@hopshusushi - @katherinejess - @nannabug - @afunkyfreshblog - @f0x33 - @dd122004dd

@jupitervenusearthmars - @orchiidflwer - @bespinnn - @captainlunaxmen - @winchestersimpalababy - @acupnoodle

@ms-fandomgirl - @fablesrose - @anyaisinyourcloset - @meowzerzstuff - @orchiidflwer - @bespinnn - @crazymar15

@cosmixstar - @bree3parchen -

#Bridgerton shade of blue #benedict bridgerton x reader #Bridgerton #female reader #dragon writes

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gi4hao · 1 year ago

Text

☆ dino x gn!reader — domestic fluff!

☆ from repairing a sink to love confessions on the kitchen floor

9pm is right around the corner, and you know for a fact that your boyfriend is far from being done with repairing the leak under your kitchen sink. but of course he won’t accept defeat, which is why you resorted to having dinner on the floor, sat next to him to keep him company.

“you really should go lie down on the couch” chan tells you from beneath the sink, his voice muffled and punctuated by the clinks of his tools. “this isn’t good for your back.”

he’s not wrong, this position is definitely not the comfiest even though you managed to rest against a piece of furniture. but the view isn’t so bad here, you think to yourself, contently watching his arms flex as he twists and tightens metal pieces here and there.

“but if i leave who’s going to feed you those baby tomatoes?” you ask, looking at the half-eaten bowl in front of you.

putting his tools down, he emerges from under the sink with a contented sigh, stretching his limbs as he sits upright. “you’re such a simp” he chuckles, yet still gladly opens his mouth for you to throw yet another tomato inside.

with an exaggerated scoff, you put a hand over your heart in mock offense: “excuse me? says the biggest simp ever?”

the thing is, you don’t even mind being called a simp; you’re lucid enough to know that it’s only the truth. similarly, chan doesn’t mind it either, but it’s just so much more entertaining to deny and act like it offends him.

“if there’s a simp in this room it’s definitely you. and allow me to tell you why…” you tell him as he returns to the small confined space below your countertop.

you don’t even have to make an effort to gather your thoughts, countless examples just flow naturally into your brain: “first of all, you always carry me on your back when we’re walking back home from a party. you kiss me goodbye every morning even when i’m still asleep. you have a picture of me in your wallet, i’m your phone and ipad wallpaper. also, you keep a secret box on your side of the closet where you put all the receipts from our dates…”

a few seconds of silence follow your words.

when you lean to your side to finally catch a glimpse of your quiet boyfriend, it turns out he’s looking right back at you, a surprised expression painted on his face: “i didn’t know you knew about the box.”

suddenly, he gets the funny sensation that you’re definitely going to win this round.

“i know many things” you affirm, a satisfied smile on your lips as you keep going: “i know that you always keep one of my doodles in your phone case. i know that you bought duplicates of my skincare products to keep in your car as an emergency kit. and i also may or may not have heard you talk to seungkwan about me…”

this time, it’s a loud bang that comes to punctuate your sentence. but before you can even start to worry, chan yells a reassuring “i’m okay!” before getting out of there once again, “just dropped my tool, that’s all. but now let’s circle back to what you just said…”

with a chuckle, you notice a slight embarrassment spreading on his face, his cheeks turning a familiar shade of pink.

your relationship has never been a secret, so it wasn’t a surprise to know that he likely spoke about you to the other members. however, you hadn’t truly considered the nature of those conversations until a few months ago, when you had sort of eavesdropped on a discussion.

“don’t be embarrassed” you reassure him, a playful spark in your eyes: “it was nice to hear you describe us as a “perfect match” and feeling like “a married couple already, but in the best possible way”.

at this point, his surrender is palpable. “okay, you win. maybe i am a simp,” he concedes, a mixture of defeat and self-consciousness coloring his voice. his shoulders sag slightly, but his gaze is still full of affection. “i can’t deny it anymore. just like i can’t deny that I’m not a handyman. i actually have no idea if I’m fixing this thing or just making it worse.”

“i think it’s time to leave the plumbing to the experts,” you tease, taking the screwdriver out of his hands, “let’s bail on this floor and go cuddle on the couch; i’ll order some proper food.”

with just those words, he flashes you a bright smile, one that you know so well you could sketch it from memory. as he rises to his feet, he looks at you earnestly: “i meant what i said to seungkwan, you know,” he confesses, his voice softer than usual.

you take a brief moment to let his words and his sincerity sink in: “i know, baby,” you reply, your own voice matching his softness as you grab his hand to get up. “and that’s exactly how i feel too.”

his smile grows even bigger, relieved to see that you not only understand the depth of his love for you, but reflect it back to him as well. it’s all he’s ever hoped for, really — to find someone he could trust implicitly, someone he could pour all his love into, knowing it would be returned with the same intensity.

“we really are made for each other,” he states, giving you a proud nod as he pulls you close, arms wrapped around your waist.

“yeah, look at us. in love, both clueless about fixing that sink. perfect match.”

with a heartfelt laugh, chan gently rests his hand on your neck, pulling you closer for a kiss; the kind that lingers for a few more seconds than what you expected. just enough time for the both of you to think about how lucky you are to have found each other in this lifetime.

requests are open!

#can’t believe it’s my first time writing for dino i’m so ashamed #but it’s finally here!!!!!#dinonaras rejoice!!!!#seventeen imagines #seventeen x reader #seventeen fluff #dino x reader #dino fluff #dino imagines #svt x reader #svt imagines #svt fluff

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starberry-cupcake · 1 month ago

Text

I'm still kinda sick and on antibiotics (hopefully getting better) but I needed to recap because I CANNOT BELIEVE the thing I predicted I 👏 AM👏 LOSING👏 IT👏

previously in nona del 9:

this happened

this is the general tag of all the recaps

CHAPTER 26 (fourth house skull for some reason????)

the party is ready to move and pyrrha is carrying gideon like a sack of papas 🥔

I think pyrrha likes carrying gideon because she's like the child she never had

gideon is playing dead and nona thinks she's very good at it

she's had a lot of practice being dead and not quite dead

we suffer almost has a heart attack when yandere chad's body showed up and palmolive had to explain the situation

looking at it from like a totally uninvolved perspective, what a group of people coming out from the club

here's an artistic rendition I made with markers in 3 minutes

I considered, after making it, doing it properly and not putting out there a 3 minute marker doodle that may embarrass me, but I think this captures it well enough and cringe is dead, anyway

If I messed up anyone's hair, I'm sorry, I sometimes fill in the blanks with my imagination of the appearance details I don't remember

we suffer wants to help treat camilla and she isn't very into it but palmolive orders for all the pain meds they can give

I also want camilla to be well and not suffer but let's try to not get her high as a satellite right now

they have to separate them in to vehicles and camilla decides to go with gideon while pyrrha goes with nona, palmolive, coronabeer, judith, we suffer and tsundere pash

nona wonders if she doesn't want to go with palmolive, since they've been attached by the green thread of the queerplatonic bound since he got inside chad's body

I hope chad is very aware that palmolive got into his body, I hope he knows

camilla says she's getting sick of palmolive and parts with a cute little gentle forehead touch

tsundere pash nope-d out of sharing a car with gideon real fast

they position judith on her side, like I do when I'm not feeling well

and coronabeer is worrying for her wet mouse girlfriend

palmolive can't help judith further, while in chad's body

coronabeer says judith has come so far and fought so hard and palmolive says she's gonna have to fight some more

we suffer asks palmolive about the shuttle and he says "secure" which is the understatement of the century, but that's between him and...maybe not god, in this case

between him and nona

we suffer says that the sixth is being moved around underground like some eternal delivery service

few things are more torturing to me personally than to be moved around in a vehicle for so long

I would never cease throwing up

when they're theorizing about the specific location, nona remembers "fucking nuts man, fucking nutter" and little green fruits

pyrrha says it's a classic BOE move "fucking insane, surprisingly effective, relies on a lot of soldiers pissing in a lot of bottles"

tsundere pash is trying not to laugh at that but we all notice anyway

nona looks at how we suffer sits elegantly and thinks she would learn to imitate that if it was another time, but currently what she feels is "some kind of sorrow related to legs"

nobody is taking nona notes anymore but I am in my head

we suffer thinks that unjust hope

(who seems to be in charge of the merv wing)

(who were the ones doing all that shooting in the school, if memory serves)

is not gonna pull any punches if they're found out

palmolive asks if there's any way to make their odds better and tsundere pash is very rude about it

like, extremely rude

it's wild to me that these people are so rude to people they know for a fact could murder them in the blink of an eye if they wanted

but tsundere pash is nothing if not tsundere

pyrrha is looking at tsundere pash with some sort of softness that tsundere pash also feels very tsundere about and nona doesn't know what to do with it

I need to stop using the word, but that's her true essence

palmolive politely apologizes about his insistence because you can definitely take the chad-ness out of the chad if you put a nerd inside him

or whatever

judith makes a sound like she wanted to laugh at palmolive but is falling apart from inside and coronabeer has to soothe her puddle of a girlfriend

nona offers another one of those bombs she drops every now and then and lets everyone know she is aware of where the convoy was earlier that week

remember honesty's terrible gig that got him punched? it's back!

we suffer doesn't quite trust a kid's intel and nona tells her she can ask angel teacher for confirmation

nona says honesty would never snitch to a cop (good!) and that she doesn't think he'd tell her either, since she's out of the gang for being a zombie

it's been a difficult week for nona

pyrrha volunteers to go with nona to talk to him but nona thinks it'd be best for her to go alone and, if all fails, scream like she did before, because that would impress honesty

she knows her kiddos

nona starts sort of disassociating from her body, recognizing sensations but as if she wasn't the one feeling them

which is something to underline in the nona notes

nona gets to honesty's place and honesty doesn't feel well opening the door to her because he knows what went on in the shooting

nona says she respects him for it, because listening to sriracha girlie is top priority

"if you can push a bullet out your head your hair's probably okay"

honesty is always imparting the wisdom of the common man, I'm here for it

they go back and forth about whether to call this a matter of life and death or non-death or how it'd be appropriate to call it

since death is kind of blurry for nona right now, with all the people not quite dead around her

nona tells him that, after, this, she's going away and she wants him to keep her money and also her cleaning rag with turpentine, which he can sell

turns out sriracha girlie is also there and honesty tells her that he wants to help nona because she cares so much about him being an entrepreneur and is looking out for his business

it's all very cute, minus the part where a minor has to sell drugs and weapons to make a living

nona tells them that it's not only her, that other necromancers are also going to leave after this

sriracha girlie doesn't think it's possible but they decide to help nona with the location

sriracha girlie knows the intel isn't for nona to read, so honesty goes to print it

nona gives sriracha girlie some requests before her leaving, including that the next teacher aide should be nice to the tinies because it's not their fault they're small

are we all crying or is it just me??

nona also asks honesty to not do jobs like the one that got them this intel ever again and that there's enough in her savings for him to stay safe

sriracha girlie tells nona the secret of her name, which is that she likes hot sauce because you can put it on anything

makes sense to me

she also tells nona she'll always love her and nona is now also crying

and that she's in the gang again but on eternal kevin bathroom duty because she's a zombie

we love kevin

hope these kids don't die, I really do, but at this point, we're all in danger

CHAPTER 27 (second house skull!! judith time??? pyrrha time??? who knows!!)

with the intel from honesty, we suffer starts back "operation lock and key"

not to put to shame the entirety of BOE but a bunch of kids just did a better job

pyrrha is chatty towards we suffer about commander amanda wake and says she likes talking to people who knew her

even if she (and og!gideon) killed her

not the most complicated relationship in this book series, even then

pyrrha also mentions that commander abigail wake had tsundere pash's photo on her

and says wake said "if it wasn't for filth like you, nice kids like this wouldn't have to hold these"

kind of wild hearing her having a mentor relationship to a kid whereas gideon was a tool to gain something

tsundere pash says that commander agatha wake was her aunt

gideon now has a dad, a cousin, a stepdadmom, a title and renown but it's not the way she wanted it

hell of a monkey paw

nona keeps having this sort of disconnection from her own body

a ticking time bomb if I've ever seen one, familia

because it wasn't enough chaos already, they start hearing thumps over the vehicle

so pyrrha goes to look at what's going on and comes back with "Sextus, we're fucked"

not those exact words, but that's the sentiment

turns out varun is an RB? was I supposed to assume this???? I didn't think about this

I'm losing my touch over here

pyrrha thought it was going to remain dormant after killing og!gideon because of how things went for cassiopeia when she died

but turns out nope, we don't have that luxury

palmolive doesn't think it's caused by yandere twin's soul

pyrrha says there are already heralds out there and that they'd need at least three fully capable lyctors to attempt to fight back

judging by the display we saw in the last book, not even a bunch of competent lyctors is enough

although judging a lyctor "competent" can be a bit of an oxymoron at times

judith starts trembling violently and coronabeer is trying to hold it together with stern soothing words

their love language

I think everyone is internally judith right now, though

nona stands up and has the opinion that two feet is the worst amount of feet, which also goes to my nona notes

she didn't originally have feet maybe? I'm wondering?

tsundere pash is ready to point her gun but palmolive asks her to put it down and also asks nona to talk to him

but nona isn't listening and she exits the truck's cover

there are a lot of herald pods dropping, which is the sound they've been hearing, so we're not doing well

nona then shouts at varun "You said you wouldn't do anything weird!"

we can't say she didn't try

she did ask him

also, nona has been listening to a resurrection beast this whole time

in comes judith, though, and starts talking again like that time nona heard her and nobody else seemed to

she says "get him" and "he flees" and nona says she doesn't want to

not!judith says "you asked for help" "all for nothing, only pain" "I gave you blood for blood"

is judith varun's voice? is she channeling him or...??

nona says "not like this, I love this place" and not!judith goes "do you love?" to which nona responds "Did I ever know what it meant?"

you know, I've been wondering about that for a minute

not!judith again talks about the "green thing" and says "Green-and-breathing thing, big ghost, the drinker, transformed, what will you eat now? Where will your body go? What did he do to you, to make you this way? You eat yourself. I gorge on unliving marrow"

nona thinks they're talking about judith and asks them to stop hurting her

I thought they were talking about nona at first, because nona is also killing the body she's in, as far as we know

and if it's ice cube barbie with something weird or whatever idk what she is or she was

so it's up in the air to me what it's really about tbh

not!judith who might be varun's voice for all I know says "I crossed the face of the universe, I poison it to match my grief" which would check out with what we know

maybe it's more like this

not!judith that might be varun says "for 8 thousand unjust bodies I will stop"

8 thousand bodies??? in this economy??????

not!judith that might be varun says they came to help and are made a mockery and "they are coming out of their tower, salt thing. There is a hole at the bottom of their tower. I will pull their teeth. I will make it blank for you"

nona argues that nobody has done anything wrong there to deserve it, except for pyrrha, who did a lot of things wrong, but at least she admits it

and that she's ready to die

nona jumps to them and says "help me do this. I might be different...soon"

judith seems to regain control of her own body, looks at nona and says "Harrowhark?"

nona, who's feeling more and more like her body isn't hers and has to feel the different parts isolated to have sensation, goes "No, and I never was"

JOHN 1:20

"He did not fail to confess, but confessed freely, 'I am not the Messiah.'"

nona didn't go to sleep but we've got another johnny boi installment

maybe she passed out

him and not!harrow who might be ice cube barbie are still walking into the building of his past in the post apocalyptic landscape

dr reverend emperor john continues his villain origin story and says that the plan for the first wave exit was still on

he was also still puppeteering the political leader guy, which sometimes led to having to make him say that he had to be stopped

and, while he was at it, in comes mercygirl with some news

the first wave is actually gonna be the only wave because the bazillionares are leaving everyone for dead

wow who would have thought

dr reverend emperor john says he won't let them get away with it

then, they continue the conversation while eating peaches from a can

canned goods take a long time to turn stale but I think these might be expired, johnny man

they decide to alert the government about it, which is a big mistake, it just makes the bazillionares get into a speedrun to get out in space

johnny and the band are really unable to read the room, apparently

cassiopeia asks dr reverend emperor john "can't you do an act of good wizardry?" and isn't that a fantastic question, actually

can you, john? do you want to?

dr reverend emperor john thinks he's limited by the fact that he still can't reach the soul thing

he says there was too much noise around the moment of death in order to pick the soul specifically and retain it

he also mentions that, in case we all forgot, they had a nuke and they might have to use it

he threatens the client government people and says that if they don't stop the ship from going, they're gonna use the nuke they gave them, which would implicate them

meanwhile, nobody suspects the bazillonaires, even if they give the flimsy excuse of "we're just gonna do a test run"

I'd think some people would be rioting on the streets about this, but maybe that's my south american perspective

instead of riots to the government we have cultists turning, though

og!gideon is the one who's gonna take the nuke to the launch

even if pyrrha doesn't want him to go alone

but, before he could go, dr reverend emperor john removed his arm and gave him a new one

because he needed his "material"

"I've got plans for that arm"

and og!gideon was like "alright"

these people are not ok

in the midst of all of this, cassiopeia and nigella get married

btw, I checked back on the dramatis personae in harrowcita to see if I was spelling the name right (since he says N—) and I had totally forgotten for a minute there that Ulysses and Titania the corpses were also a lyctor

fourth house

anyway, they get married like that time there was a marriage ceremony in the courtyard of my uni

dr reverend emperor john makes them a bouquet of roses with teeth

I'm thinking of the awesome fanged flowers by Anastasiya Khramina ( ig @ madame_bloomfang )

I'd screecap them but I've had tumblr block posts from me for similar things before and I don't wanna risk it

when he tells everyone, after the wedding, that he sent og!gideon to his death, everyone goes wild

and he's surprised that they do lmao I hate him

he goes "Guys, it's fine, they're Australian"

is this about that animosity that sometimes comes up between people from New Zealand and people from Australia? I'm sure there's a lot of social and political background about that I'm not aware of

also, to be safe, dr reverend emperor john decides to use his puppet guy to lock himself in with the codes and access the stuff that can blow that whole country to smithereens

everyone thinks this is nuts, except for augustine and mercygirl, who think it's still manageable

I guess it's always those two huh

that's why it bothered him so much that they double crossed him

cassiopeia says "John, your problem is that you care less about being a savior than you do about meting out punishment" "You can be quite the most appallingly vindictive person I have ever met"

this is when the cultists go wild and start killing people

hell of a wedding reception

"I just caught the fucking tooth bouquet at C— and N—'s wedding. What if it didn't matter?"

I want to hurt this man in so many ways

dr reverend emperor john starts using skeletons to fight the cultists but things get out of hand very fast

so he does what he does best, what he did in his bolthole when the beast was coming in, he hid in his room

when dr reverend emperor john and not!harrow who might be ice cube barbie get into the room itself, there's a body in there

the nun goes to ask him to do something and he says he can't find the soul in all the chaos he can sense

the nun is like "brb" and comes back with pyrrha's gun

dr reverend emperor john thinks maybe she wants to kill him, but we aren't so lucky

she says that "fear doesn't help us achieve a state of grace, it deafens the heart", which is very true

she starts praying hail mary/ave maria

and then shoots herself

which like, I want to point out for a moment here, is kind of huge af

considering she was a catholic nun and she killed herself

because she thought that would help him find a way out of this

like, to her beliefs she's knowingly granting him her soul, not only because theoretically she's doing it for him to be able to get how it works, but also because she killed herself

whatever I think about the church's opinion on suicide, for someone who believes in that to knowingly set it aside because they think it might save the world is fucking metal

it's sad that what she did ended up being the catalyst for this douchebag to become what he became

because what she did, for someone with her beliefs, in the midst of chaos, was huge

everyone around this man sacrificed so much for him and he just kept taking, huh

so, he is able to see how it all works and when he touches her soul, he says "I touched you"

"You were so huge and so complicated, and you were screaming. You wouldn't stop screaming. You were so scared. You were so goddamn mad"

remember when I said ice cube barbie could be some sort of earth personification life force thing? should I still put money on that?

DON'T TELL ME

he says that holding a human soul didn't compare to holding "you"

so, dr reverend emperor john exits his room and starts putting souls in bubbles like nega steven universe

augustine and mercygirl are still alive and they hide alongside johnman because the polycule that dies together starts having sex in front of harrow's sopita for distraction together

then he goes "This is the part where I hurt you"

he says he tried to grasp her and that hurt her but he kept trying

the only one alive at that point was og!gideon, so he stopped his heart

he says he ate every single death and that kept hurting her

he also triggered the nukes and the whole chaos that continued erupting further as he went on with the death feast

and that he "helped a hell of a lot of them go before they knew what was happening"

"I put my hands around your neck. I cupped your soul in my hands. I took you into myself and we became one"

he sort of can't keep her inside him though because she (they?) is too immense for that

so he ripped half his ribs and made her out of part of him, sort of eve like

and here he starts describing what he thought about when molding her and he goes "some of Mum's old toys"

no way

"my favorite out of all of them"

NO WAY

"My favorite was her old Hollywood Hair Barbie"

NO FUCKING WAYYYYYYYYYYYYYY

WHATTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT

FOLKS

FOLKS WHAT???? I CALLED IT????

ICE CUBE BARBIE IS CANON????????????????

THIS IS CRAZY

ok so, wait, I have a lot to say about this

first of, I had replies saying something like "I can't believe you didn't spoil yourself" and I didn't know what it was about

@lady-harrowhark kept screencaps and I was like "please remind me when I get there" and she said something like "oh, you'll know"

I DIDN'T THINK IT WAS THIS!!!! WHAT????????????

YOU GUYS

I LOOKED UP WHEN I STARTED THE ICE CUBE BARBIE THING

IT WAS BACK IN GIDEON!!!!!!!!!! WHAT???????????

BOOK 1?????????????

I even posted it on april fool's lmao what are the odds

GUYS I'VE BEEN CALLING HER BARBIE FOR OVER A YEAR AND YOU GUYS HAD TO SIT THERE AND WAIT FOR ME TO SEE THAT I WAS RIGHT ABOUT SOMETHING SO INCREDIBLY STUPID

so, here's the thing

I knew there would be a hollywood hair barbie reference somewhere in the books because @lady-harrowhark got one a long time ago, before I started reading, and I have very intense feelings about hollywood hair barbie specifically, so I talked to her about it back then

basically I got her for christmas as a kid, I loved her so much and it got stolen from me during a school camp thing and it was all very sad for me

my mom ruined a contact lens trying to get the hair spray to work in christmas night

anyway, I knew there would be a reference but, in my mind, it was going to be like a mad max thing of someone finding one in some sort of post apocalyptic earth and I forgot all about it

I did not, in a million years, connected that to ice cube barbie

you all know because you've been here but I started calling her that because her description reminded me of the Ghost Barbie from the Haunted Beauty Collection, because my references are very eclectic

this one right here

and then it's history and ice cube barbie it was

if you would have told me this would be what I'd get right in this book, I wouldn't have believed you

this is so crazy and stupid, I love it

I want to thank you all personally and kiss your hands tenderly for having lived with the knowledge of this for over a year and not telling me once that I was right about this

because you guys must have been thinking either I was lying out of my ass and had been spoiled in some way or that I was psychic

thank you so so so much for not telling me about this, I know it must have been so hard

I promise you I didn't cheat, this was entirely a coincidence

I wish I had been right about some cool theory rather than this, but I'll take it

I sent @lady-harrowhark a dm immediately when I read it because I couldn't believe it

is this a common experience???? did you guys call it too or was I just hit by that dodgeball real hard?

god, I miss my hollywood hair barbie

she wasn't my #1 favorite barbie (that was my civil war nurse barbie, long story) but she was in my top 10

I got 3 barbies stolen that day, hollywood hair and swim n' dive barbie were two sad losses

ANYWAY

he puts her into the ice cube barbie body (now an officially approved nickname) to house her in (and trap her, I presume)

and once they were together, he became God

then they went planet surfing

(not sure if this has to do with the houses, I still remember that)

but he couldn't catch the ship of the bazillionaires from leaving

she said, at the time "I picked you to change and this is how you repay me?"

"What have you done to me, I am hediousness"

HEY, THAT'S ONE OF MY FAVORITE CHILDHOOD BARBIES YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT

SHE CAME WITH A HAIR STENCIL AND PINK SPRAY

"Where did you put the people? Where did they go?"

"She said, 'I still love you'" "He said, 'You said that too'"

WELL, THAT'S A WRAP ON THIS PART. I need to marinate these things, I feel like everything that was happening before kind of melted the moment I read I was right about Barbie, of all things. HOW DID THAT HAPPEN. Thank you for sticking around and for being so respectful of the no spoilers rule, you're the best ♥

#luly reacts to tlt #nona the ninth #nona the ninth spoilers #long post #gif cw

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squidpedia · 15 days ago

Note

I wanna know everything about your interpretation of the Perseverance SOUL.

info dump be upon ye

Honestly i desnigned them after thinking i really want to see a perserverance soul that acts like a dumbass about it and also has slvie epithet erased voice i just thought thatd be funny

tied with bravery for kids who came from a pretty ok home/school life; supportive parents who probably spoiled them, two best friends, so called gifted kid that finds themself bored a lot and drops whatever theyre doing in search of something more stimulating. They get ok grades despite often skipping classes to do fuckall. They might be the kid that stuck gum under your desk.

Kid that hasn’t really found a reason to lock in (about to be so violently challenged for the first time)

Notebook flips between notes from class, doodles, random thoughts, entries/notes from friends. Its a notebook, sketchbook, scrapbook all in one

Light-sensitive eyes, those are shades

Dove started as an affectionate nickname by parents but spread to go-to nickname. Its the name they want you to call them when they want you to be fond of them

Silence unnerves them so bad, they like talking a lot and listening to other people talk. If neither of those are happening then they are playing music in their airpods. Phone is at 3% though in underground so they only play music if they’re about to die (helps dissociate from the situation)

Unfortunately all my kids had save file access at some point and Dove lives by the mantra of 🐊Fuck around and find out🐊 (until they probably get frustrated enough to drop it)

Gerson significance - they liked hearing his stories. He funny :)

My integrity’s pibling/cousin whatever. 30ish year gap between when dove and lilac. Deltarune universe dove is lilacs 40 y/o relative that embarrasses them but signs their report cards and swears to secracy

They know korean and will only provide only incorrect translations

expresses emotions atypically and has difficulty putting words to reasons behind their very impulsive actions (its alexithymia and emotional dysregulation with the steel chair🗣️🗣️🗣️) -> unaware of this -> thinks they must not miss their friends and family as much as they actually do -> meanwhile go-to playlist is full of song reccs from the besties they put off listening to before -> the check button has become the song-rating button at that point their mind is not on this battle. call that being mentally checked-out lol get it

do not ask me how they died i have a vague idea but leading up to it i just think they just crashed out really hard and threw away the notebook and shades and then got really sad about it

#outfit was originally intended as school uniform but like. ive seen their friends and they dont wear school uniforms #so the story might be that they moved schools and proceeded to diy the hell out of the old uniform #asks #undertale heart to heart #dove hth #pedias art

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hansmic · 4 months ago

Text

𝒰𝓃𝓉𝒾𝓁 𝓉𝒽𝑒 𝒸𝒶𝒻𝑒 𝒸𝓁𝑜𝓈𝑒𝓈

hyunjin x gn! reader

summary: you notice hyunjin doodling on a napkin at a café and asks to see what he’s drawing. It leads to a conversation about art, life, and dreams. you end up sketching together until the café closes.

genre: romance

warnings: none

word count: 963

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Hyunjin is scribbling away at a small paper napkin, a small pout on his lips as he concentrates on the image taking shape on the cheap paper. As he continues to doodle, he fails to notice that you are watching over his shoulder, silently observing his art.

Feeling your eyes on his work, Hyunjin glances up and catches you watching him. He chuckles sheepishly, a blush creeping onto his cheeks. "Oh.. Hey," he says, a small smile on his lips. "Sorry, I didn't notice you there. Were you watching me draw?"

As you nod in response to his question, Hyunjin looks down at the napkin in front of him, his gaze darting between you and his art. He seems a little embarrassed by your attention, but also curious about what you think of his work. "Uh, yeah. I doodle when I'm bored," he says, gesturing to the napkin. "It's nothing special."

You can tell by his expression that Hyunjin is downplaying his talent, but you can also see the pride in his eyes as he looks at the napkin. He hesitates for a moment before offering it to you. "Here, you can take a closer look if you want," he says, a hint of nervousness in his voice.

"Thanks," you say, taking the napkin from Hyunjin's hand. You carefully examine the drawing, taking in all the small details and the way Hyunjin's unique style shines through.

"It's really good," you say, looking up to meet Hyunjin's eyes. "You're very talented. Do you do art often?"

Hyunjin's cheeks turn even redder as you compliment his art, and he ducks his head sheepishly. "Thank you," he stutters out, a small smile on his lips. "And yeah, I draw a lot actually. It's kinda like... my escape, you know?"

He looks up at you, a hint of vulnerability in his gaze. "It's just... sometimes it's easier to put my thoughts and feelings down on paper than to try to explain them with words," he says, shrugging slightly.

"I totally get what you mean," you say, nodding. "Art can be a really powerful form of expression, and it's often easier to pour your emotions into a drawing than to talk about them."

As you speak, you can see Hyunjin's shoulders relax a bit, as if he's glad to have found someone who understands his love for art.

Hyunjin nods, his smile growing a little more confident. "Exactly," he says. "And it's like... when I'm drawing, I don't have to worry about what anyone else thinks or how they'll react. I can just let my mind wander and create whatever I want."

As you continue to talk about art and Hyunjin's passion for drawing, you can sense a connection forming between the two of you. The conversation flows easily, and Hyunjin seems to open up more and more with each passing minute.

As the café begins to empty out, Hyunjin glances out the window and realizes it's getting late. "Man, I didn't realize how much time had passed," he says, rubbing the back of his neck sheepishly.

"I guess we got pretty caught up in our conversation," he adds, a hint of a blush returning to his cheeks. He looks at you awkwardly for a moment, as if he wants to say something more but is hesitating.

You notice Hyunjin's hesitancy and try to ease the awkwardness a little. "Hey, I really enjoyed talking to you," you say, a warm smile on your lips. "It's been a while since I've had a conversation this good."

Hyunjin smiles back at you, his expression softening. "Yeah, me too," he says. "I don't normally open up to people like I did with you. But... I don't know, there's just something about you that makes me feel comfortable."

He looks at you for a moment, his eyes locking onto yours, and you can feel the air growing tense. It's like there's a silent understanding passing between the two of you, a hint of something more than just friendship.

"You know," you say, your heart rate picking up slightly. "I've really enjoyed spending time with you. Maybe... we could do this again sometime?"

Hyunjin's eyes widen slightly at your suggestion, and he nods quickly. "Yeah, definitely," he says, a hint of excitement in his voice. "I'd really like that."

He pauses for a moment, as if he's trying to gather the courage to say something else. "Maybe... we could exchange numbers?" he says, a hopeful look in his eyes.

You smile at Hyunjin's suggestion, feeling a flutter in your stomach. "Sure, that sounds great," you say, pulling out your phone. You exchange numbers with Hyunjin, saving his contact information in your phone.

Hyunjin grins as he adds your number to his contacts, his fingers moving quickly across the screen. "Great," he says, stuffing his phone back into his pocket. "I'll text you later, okay?"

The café is nearly empty now, signaling that it's time to leave. Hyunjin gathers his things and stands up, looking at you with a warm smile. "I guess I should get going," he says, a hint of reluctance in his voice.

You stand up as well, feeling a pang of disappointment that the night is coming to an end. "Yeah, me too," you say, a small sigh escaping your lips.

There's a moment of silence between the two of you, neither of you quite wanting to leave. Hyunjin shuffles his feet awkwardly, his gaze flitting around the nearly empty café before settling back on you.

"I... I had a really great time tonight," he says, a warm smile on his lips.

You feel a wave of butterflies in your stomach at his words and return his smile. "Me too," you say honestly. "I'm really glad I met you, Hyunjin."

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hope you liked it!

masterlist is here!

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xuchiya · 10 months ago

Text

"his chérie." || song mingi

| genre: fluff. fluff. fluff | mention: timid. genitals. kissing. cursing

Song Mingi. He is that kid that is so timid, the smallest things scare him. From the teacher calling him because he dropped his pen and he would be shaking like a leaf towards his ears were always red whenever someone talked to him. He would squeak like a small duck whenever his name is mentioned or when he got caught doing something like doodling on his notebook. Most of the time, he is alone; never likes to interact nor the attention.

“Hi!” Yet that caught your attention. His timid personality. So in conclusion, you befriended him even though it took a year and half (almost the point of giving up) to actually have him warm up to you. You gave yourself a pat on the back that day.

“Mi-Mingi.”

“I know … Song Mangi.”

“Tha-That is not … my name!”

“It is now, Mangi.”

“Then … let me call you … chérie.”

“What? Cherry? DO I LOOK LIKE ANGER TO YOU?!”

“Ahh! n-no!”

Song Mingi. He is that kid who blushes on the mention of genitals during eighth grade and how babies were made. His ears were always the evidence. He would cover his eyes whenever a couple would kiss or look away whenever they would hold hands.

“Jeez, they’re just holding hands, what’s wrong with that?”

“PDA du-duh!”

“You’re weird, Mangi.”

Song Mingi. He is that kid who you won’t expect to have such a drastic puberty hit. He went from a few inches smaller than you to almost the same height as a normal volleyball player. His muscles even grew, almost ripping the sleeves of his shirts so he went and changed to wearing long sleeves to cover them. He became more confident, a little bit noisy and a more outgoing person. He developed more of his personality, smiling more, overcoming his stuttering, he had been interacting with so many of your classmates; sharing the same music taste to doing a rap battle in front of the classroom or even going to the arcades.

“Hey chérie! We’re going to the arcade, do you wanna come?”

“Sure! I’ll beat you on street fighter, Mangi!”

Song Mingi. You know he is that kid who will be in the limelight after he practices every day and night inside an abandoned practice room near the apartment that you both still live in with your mothers. You watch him from the corner of the room as his shoes screech on the floor, his feet coordinating with the beat of the music.

“You wanted to become an idol, Mangi?”

“I want to become the best rapper in the next generation of K-pop, chérie! Just imagine being on stage with so many fans singing along with you or going on tour!”

“Hmm~ I’ll support you.”

“Thank you chérie.”

Song Mingi. He was your childhood friend. He was the timid kid from the back of the classroom, alone in his own world and words of his emotions written at the back of his physics notebook. He was the one who is embarrassed to learn about human anatomy the whole time he is red and the teacher almost sent him to the clinic due to how red his face is; he is also the kid who looks away whenever he sees such intimate moments.

But he was also the kid who developed such a character that you were so proud to tell the whole world how you witnessed the changes of his personality. How he furnished his personality with your help.

His chérie.

“I want to dedicate this song to my chérie!” Mingi shouted on his hand mic, almost the entire open arena howled in response. That cement color mic (which made you laugh for almost a minute when he told you his favorite color when you were both kids) was glistening because of the sweat.

“You guys don't know how much they mean to me, how much they put effort to those times I felt like no one likes me. From being kids, I was so scared of the world, yet they were there to help me see the other side of it. From our first lesson in humans where they laugh at me because of I blushed at word dick …” The fans laugh along with his members, Mingi felt his heart skipping a beat as each of his words were closing to the end.

“To college life where we were both learning life, crying and getting scolded for staying out late and being together to overcome the challenges. They saw me through my worst and best, been through my ups and downs. So, put your motherfucking hands up for my girlfriend, my chérie!” He raised his hand, his ring finger bent as he continued his speech.

Song Mingi. He is the kid; you never knew you would fall for; you, his chérie.

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balleater696942 · 3 months ago

Note

Hiiiiii I wanna hear your Sebpainter headcanons because I know you also ship Sebpainter!

Also if you’re not comfortable with answering that is totally okay!! Or just pressure headcanons in general! Thank you!! 🫶🫶

ooohh hmm, ive only really started thinking about these two recently (more in depth, at least) so these are still like. developing? ill drabble into both recovery au (post escape) and present hcs! this will also be mainly directed at romantic sebpaint but you can perceive it however you like! i like alot of ideas lol ^_^

POST ESCAPE;

this is when seb is going into recovery after escaping, (he has had most of his mutations reversed) and pai (pAinter) has a more humanoid body!

-seb is too embarrassed/scared to get a professional haircut so he has pai pull up tutorials for him on youtube and he tries his best to lazily chop off his hair in their bed. sometimes it looks better than.. other times but he tries. if it looks interesting pai tries to help even it out (i have a doodle of this, once i can post it i will! my camera is still broken unfortunately)

-sebastian has kept his ear fins; he uses them to aid in nonverbal communication alot between him and painter. i would elaborate on this but i don't know how to word properly

-sebastian had a super hard time bathing at first- dry shampoo and leave in conditioner was his BEST FRIEND.. though after enough encouragement from pai, he starts to (begrudgingly) wash his hair either in the sink or bent over his shower. baths are successful sometimes, but they are usually pretty shallow and painter has to dunk water over his hair and supervise him lol (they don't mind it though, pai likes how trusting Sebastian is to allow pai to see him uncovered[NOT SEXUALLYYY]+allow him to wash seb)

-sebastian sleeps verryyy often and stays in bed like a kitty cat :3 pai puts in extra work to make their bed + bedroom comfortable for him, especially if sebastian doesn't have the courage or strength to leave the bed certain days

-painter likes to cook/bake for seb often, they LOVE learning new recipes, but he also knows seb has his safefoods. even if its repetitive to make, those are pai's favorites to prepare because he knows it will make seb feel better ^^

-on the topic of food, seb has a really hard time sometimes to just eat. even if he's recovering, his cravings for raw meats/fish from before are still really strong at times and he HATES IT. sometimes if the cravings were triggered before, he can't eat after that. painter and seb try to work it out, but if they can't then pai reassures him that its okay and they do something else.

-seb lovvessss weighted blankets especially the heavier ones!! they give him a sense of comfort. sometimes he asks pai to lay on him also (totally not projecting)

-he also sometimes has to sleep with support pillows, mainly when he got out of surgery

-pai likes to wear really flowy clothes, especially dresses and skirts. he loves how they make his sillouette look and loves how expressive they can be!

LOCKDOWN;

-sometimes seb falls asleep in pais room (involuntarily) and pai has to watch him the whole time, pai thinks he looks so gorgeous when he's sleeping and also wishes he had a blanket to put on him.. even if it won't fit

-sebs third arm sleeve is ripped and sewn on from his handyman jacket, the jacket was not tailored for three arms

-pai and seb talk through vents or the little door screen things sometimes, whenever seb is scavenging for supplies pai likes to say stupid shit over the speakers to try and coax a laugh out of seb :3

-sometimes, seb takes pai on a little field trip to the prettier rooms of the blacksite to try and help give pai some inspiration to paint

-autism seb (projecting???!! no way..)

-seb sometimes draws on pai's screen, the pen cant fit too well in his hand but he tries. it's therapeutic to them both (and quite frankly, pai likes to see him so focused on his screen. it gets him flustered)

-pai is such a yapper and seb LOVES to listen. he isn't much of a talker, anyways

-bipolar painter (possibly bpd but i don't have much research on it as of now, i don't like to just throw stuff around) , seb stays with him and listens no matter what

-on that note, pai will occasionally just. shoot random stuff in the blacksite no matter if its moving or not

-they like to play flash games sometimes (don't know if that's possible? pai doesn't have a keyboard but we can pretend)

-objectum freak(s?)

AHH THERES MORE BUT I CANT THINK OF ANYTHING ELSE RN!!! i might make another post in the future?

some of these (mostly post-escape) hcs are either inspired off or straight up taken from @feligayzed surface au (hope you dont mind..)

also im SO SORRY!!! for not getting this done sooner!!!!!!! school has been BEATING MY ASS but i'm caught up for now so let's hope i don't fail before this week ends🤞🤞🤞trust!!

#here comes the tags..sigh #sebastian pressure #pressure sebastian #sebastian solace #pressure roblox #roblox pressure #pressure #pressure au #sebastian x painter #pressure painter #painter pressure #pAinter pressure #p.ai.nter pressure #p.ai.nter roblox #sebpainter #sebpaint #watercolor pressure #god that was alot im winded #also SUBJECT TO CHANGE because i can't talk enough AGGH

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hitodama3 · 3 months ago

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Best Friend's Brother (Caleb-LaDS)

So this bare shadow of a plot bunny has been pawing at my brain all day...

Along with the song Best Friend's Brother.

I can never see myself as the protagonist in otome games, or really any dating sims so imagine...

Not protagonist x Caleb

You are the childhood best friend of the LaDS protagonist.

You two are thick as thieves, and she spends as much time at your house as she does her own.

So, of course, you're well acquainted with her older, adopted, brother Caleb, and as the years have passed you've gained a bit of a ... crush.

And of course, your BEST friend would notice your change in behavior. Becoming a little mooney, maybe doodling something in a notebook before hiding it away when you see her coming, or even staring a *little* too long at the boys during the down time at lunch. She pounces on you like a hyena demanding to know what's going on.

Eventually, you're unable to avoid it any longer, and the feeling like you're going to burst out of your skin. You blurt out rapid fire that you have a crush.

She is over the moon! Immediately wanting to know who. So she can start planning a strategy on how to get them to like you. At first you refuse to tell her, because; What if it ruins your friendship!?! This is your best friend's brother after all!

But, eventually, you can no longer hide your wandering eyes, or maybe she sees the scribbled out C in your notebook, and puts two and two together.

You have to cover her mouth; when she almost screams your feelings, for everyone to hear! Your eyes dart around her face concerned that this may ruin your friendship, but you have no way to know that this could be the best thing that's ever happened to your friend.

What friend hasn't wanted their best friend to *actually* be their sibling, and a part of their family? She honestly couldn't think why she hadn't tried to orchestrate this sooner! She'd be able to keep her brother AND best friend forever this way!

You struggle to contain her excitement, and to keep her from; at the earliest opportunity, march over to Caleb and demand you date.

She tries her best to give you as much insider information as she can; into what Caleb likes and dislikes, and tries to set up as many encounters and alone time as possible.

You'd be embarrassed about how blatant she was being if you didn't enjoy his company so much. His presence making you feel warm and happy, while also feeling like you'd throw up at any time.

You were going to confess.

After months of interactions both created and situational you knew you weren't going to get any closer to him.

So no matter how stereotypical it may seem you pick Valentine's day to confess. You go out and find the largest sunflower you could find, before asking Caleb to see you alone. Though you could see your friend hiding around the corner as a mildly awkward and supportive audience, and confess.

You watch the face you'd been studying for months and you see that easy smile shift into a hesitant tilt. The moment becoming awkward and heavy and you knew his answer long before a word left his mouth.

You told him it was okay and that you guessed he only saw you as his sister's friend, or even a second little sibling, but you were glad that you confessed your feeling to him if to give them a release so they might start draining out so you could move on.

When you start to see him relax that you wouldn't burst into tears or yell you tried to put on a smile pushing back the bile that wanted to rise up your throat, and looking a little above his head and refusing to blink to dry your eyes. You held out the sunflower and asked if he'd take the flower at least, and thank him for not making fun of your feelings.

You turn away and your friend peaks out seeing your face and frown pulls at hers as she darts out snagging you and pulling you away as fast as possible.

The was the last time you talked to Caleb for many years. You'd see glimpses of him just from being friends with his little sister, but he did you a service by trying to be our of the way when ever you were near. Probably to be considerate of your feelings though it stung regardless.

Thankfully over the years you were able to put your feelings to bed, but the peace didn't last long when in the future you get a call full of heart break and agony.

Caleb was dead.

You rushed to your friend's side and tried to be there through the nights of pure agony and pain. Trying to fill the gap of loneliness and grief as best you could. Sharing the loss of someone who had been a large part of both your childhoods.

But then... He was back.

Your friend demanded you meet her, and you were happy to see them. A lot had been going on in your friend's life as she juggled her work as an enforcer with four other men that seemed to be a big part of what was going on in your friend's life.

She waved you over to a seat at the cafe and you chatted happy to see each other and catching up on what had happened when your friend perked over waving someone else over to the table.

When you heard a familiar voice. The gentle and upbeat tone curling down your spine like a caress. You froze unmoving as if afraid that you might spoke the ghost that had come to haunt you before a heavy body dropped down in the chair next to you.

Caleb complained as he realized your friend hadn't told you he was alive, and your friend stating that she wanted it to be a surprise just like it was a surprise for her.

Slowly you turned your head fighting not to go slack jaw as your eyes collided with unfamiliar purple eyes in a vaguely familiar face.

He was familiar.

He seemed like a stranger.

He was beautiful.

He felt cold.

He teasingly greeted you eyes roaming your body and pausing appreciatively over parts of you.

It made warmth pool in your checks and stomach, as you shifted away as if trying to run from his gaze.

You tried to banter with your friend accusing her for surprising you with something this large when you felt a large hand wrap around your wrist giving an imperious tug to drag your attention back to him.

Eyes narrowed and a pasted on smile he tells you that his sister refused to give him the details on how you were doing saying it should come from you. What followed felt more like an interrogation than long lost friends getting to know each other again.

Your wrist stayed locked in his grip the entire time his some slowly rubbing circles on your pulse point. Fingers flexing when ever your friend would drag wild stories or shenanigans you hadn't gotten into during the time he had been... away.

Especially when she brings up your dating life. Your friend has thrown herself into her work in the wake of Caleb's death, and you had decided that you wouldn't stay in mourning for a relationship you never had and starting putting yourself out there.

Your friend took great pleasure and relaying some of your more disastrous dates to him. You could feel your embarrassment rise in the face of your first crush but snapped at your friend good naturedly.

You even started up on some of your fun dates and adventures happy to recount your newest relationship. You had met online and he seemed very nice taking you out to places you had shown interest in and doing group activities with you.

You had forgotten your wrist was in his grasp till you started wondering out loud if you might ask him to officially be your boyfriend when you yelped at the sudden pain in your wrist dragging your eyes over to Caleb's narrowed ones as his hand tightened around your capture wrist.

His fake smile widened now that your attention rested solely on him and he started to pick apart your new potential partner. Finding every little issue you've had and dragging it to the forefront on why he wasn't good enough. With every one of your protest his thumb would swipe over your wrist and he'd call you on any excuse you tried to spout.

When Caleb's phone digged he finally broke the staring contest you'd been under allowing you to finally feel as if you could breath deeply again, and you watched a real smile tug at his lips more a sneer than anything. He knocked his phone towards you so you could see the contents. Caleb snuggly showing every dirty secret on your potential love interest. Gladly showing off what a terrible man he was and his secrets he's been hiding, while simultaneously simpering to you that it was okay and bad men hide themselves well.

It truly wasn't more secrets then the average person had, maybe a few incidents in his youth then most, but when compiled together it truly was enough to shake you after the mental battering you'd been subjected to for at least the last hour, and after the shock of seeing a loved one return from the dead...

You were quite mentally pliable at the time.

You were staring in confusion at his phone not noticing as the siblings talked over your head with only their face expressions and some head tilts.

You wondered allowed what you were supposed to do you were supposed to have a date with this man tonight...

Still holding your wrist with one hand and carefully tilting your face up with the other Caleb directed your attention back to him. Telling you not to worry and he'd take care of it. Let him take care of you again just like old times.

After all you wanted to make his readjustment period after his return smooth didn't you? It has been quite rough his recovery after the accident.

You were confused before the hand on your face shifted becoming cold and metallic. You flinch away in shock watching Caleb lower his prosthetic to the table top and you were instantly fascinated and concerned.

Caleb easily held your attention explaining his circumstances and how it'd be easier to get used to his new apartment if you might come over and assist him?

Before you could turn and ask your friend she piped in stating how she had work and won't you PLEASE help Caleb put with this?

Between the sibling tag teaming you were no match and agreed to help Caleb out as much as needed. Handing over your phone so he could type in his number and address. While your head was bent to look over where he was staying you were unaware as your friend beamed so pretty at her brother.

She always wanted her best friend to be part of the family and Caleb ALWAYS gave her what she wanted, and he OWED her after this last stunt.

Caleb tilted his head in acknowledgement eyes towards you and his smile pulled becoming a bit more soft that was only present for two people in his life. He had only viewed you as a sibling all those years ago but now after his time away you had bloomed. He couldn't hide behind the thought of you as a sibling anymore. You were a beautiful individual and people were starting to take note.

His hand flexes around your wrist once more. Just short of causing you enough pain to look up again. He could see the beginnings of the bruise he'd leave on your skin form. He couldn't help but be pleased at the reminder that would be visible to all who were looking.

He wouldn't allow them to.

You were his.

He was your first love. Your puppy love. And he was sure he could reignite that spark. Especially considering the shy glances you had thrown around at the beginning.

Caleb smirked as he raised your hand to press the sunflower tattooed on your wrist with his supposed death date wrapped around it to his lips. Watching much like a hunting dog observing its prey as your face jerked up from your phone and flushing at the contact. Hand spasming as you attempted to drawn it away and color climbing towards your ears.

Yes, this new assignment would not be a problem at all.

#love and deepspace #lads #lads caleb #i didnt proof read at all #its probably typo heaven #ill check later #gender neutral reader #reader x caleb #not the protagonist mc #protagonist best friend #theyre all yanderes your honor

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xe-n4 · 2 years ago

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love in learning

feat. oliver, nagi & sae note: i wrote this ages ago (reupload) contains: i don't remember & i'm not rereading it total: 1,303

—OLIVER

He knew he shouldn’t. But it was right there. The blue notebook you’ve been scribbling in for the last few weeks. It seemed like you were researching something because you had your laptop with you. But you never let Oliver know the contents of it, slamming both the book and laptop shut whenever you saw him.

He was curious.

Oliver’s fingers danced around the notebook. He debated with himself. Open it or leave it alone. He may never know what’s inside that book. But you would tell when you were ready, right?

So he opened it.

Oliver flicked through the pages, eyes scanning the words. He didn’t understand what he was looking at until he saw the word ‘centre-back’. A grin crept onto his face when he noticed the little doodle of himself next to it.

You filled the pages with information about football and his favourite players. His heart swelled with joy as he continued to peruse through it. The rules, the positions and their purposes. He couldn’t believe it.

“Hey, Oli, have you seen—”

You cut yourself off upon seeing your boyfriend with your notebook. Wave after wave of embarrassment hit you with no mercy, not allowing you time to breathe. Heat spread from your chest to your neck and your hands balled into fists at your sides.

Oliver stared—you stared as well. The silence was killing you, but the smirk that played on his lips made it worse. You wanted the floor to swallow you whole. Maybe living underground wouldn’t be so bad.

“Care to explain?” he teased as he gestured to the book.

You shook your head.

“No? Okay then, let’s read from it, shall we?” His eyes glinted as he flipped to the next page. “If the score is equal—”

Something went off in you and you went over to cover his mouth, snatching the book away. Oliver moved your hand off of his face and laughed at your pouting face.

He wrapped his arms around your torso and leaned in. “Aw, my baby’s so cute,” he spoke as if he was talking to a child.

“Shut up, old man.” You buried your face in his neck to run away from his teasing.

“Are you embarrassed?” Oliver leaned back and his hands caressed your chin. His grip was firm but gentle and the feeling brought you a sense of familiarity. But it couldn’t get rid of how humiliated you felt.

“Y/n, thank you,” Oliver said with a smile. Not one to tease you with, but a genuine smile from a place of happiness.

Confusion plastered itself all over your features. “What... did I do?”

“The book.” Your eyes widened, and he hurried to clear the air. “Thank you for trying to understand me and the sport I love. You didn’t have to, going to the games is enough.”

“The games are kinda boring when you don’t know what’s happening,” you mumbled.

“Maybe. But thank you anyway.” Oliver planted a kiss on your forehead.

—NAGI

Nagi was lying on his stomach with his phone in hand. He was watching video compilations of traps and other defensive moves. Normally, you’d have no interest in it. Football was Nagi’s thing. But you felt different about it today.

Once you crawled onto the bed next to him, you rested your head on his shoulder. “Hey, Sei?” He hummed. “What’s a trap?”

He answered without looking away from the screen. “It’s a move to keep control of the ball.”

“Cool.”

This was going nowhere.

You didn’t know how to ask him, but he also didn’t seem interested. Maybe I’ll try later. You moved off the bed to leave when a hand gripped your wrist tightly. Nagi pulled you back effortlessly. You landed on his chest and he kept you there, putting one arm encompassing you. His other hand still held his phone and resumed the video.

“Where’re you going?” he mumbled. Nagi didn’t really want an answer. “Stay.”

“I thought you were busy—”

“I can multitask.” Nagi nuzzled into you. “What d’you wanna know?”

“Um... I guess I didn’t really think this through,” you chuckled nervously and Nagi pinched your side in response.

“So unprepared,” he jokingly scolded.

Nagi clicked through his phone before setting it in front of you. The video began with the camera scanning through the crowd. People of all different backgrounds cheering from the sidelines with flags, banners and some even had face paint on them.

The camera then showed the players walking on the field in their flashy uniforms, and the crowd cheered and screamed even louder. The bright lights above the stadium made the grass look lighter than it was.

“Sei, what’s this?”

“Football game,” he replied. “I’ll talk you through it.”

“I like that you want to know more. It made me feel something inside. I liked it.”

You laughed at his simplistic way of describing his emotions, then he shushed you when the game started. Nagi pointed to each of the players when he talked about their positions. He explained the moves they did and why someone got a yellow card.

His soft voice brought you comfort, which made it easier to concentrate on the sport, though you barely understood it.

After the game ended, Nagi stared at you expectantly, silently asking for your opinion. “It was fun.” was your only response.

It was. Maybe your judgement before was biased, but now you had a better understanding of why your boyfriend loved it so much.

—SAE

“I thought you didn’t like football,” Sae said with a straight face, looking up from his laptop

“Well... I thought it would be fun if you taught me some stuff,” you replied, rubbing the back of your neck. His stare made your heart race and your ears sting. Not in a good way.

“What’s the point if you don’t care about it,” he grumbled as he went back to what he was doing. A very obvious tell that he didn’t want the conversation to continue.

You sat down in the chair next to him and interlocked your pinkies. “I care about you though.”

Sae’s eyes flicked from your joined hands to your face a few times before he sighed. A small smile made its way onto his face. He properly intertwined your hands and leaned down to kiss them.

“Get changed, we’re going out.” was the only instruction he gave. Though he implied that wearing anything fancy would be a terrible idea.

And he was right.

Sae took you to the nearest football centre and rented out a small field. Goals stood tall and mighty on each side, and white lines ran across the grass. The sun was still beaming down, and you wished that you’d just kept it to yourself.

“Is this really necessary?” you whined before walking onto the grass.

Your boyfriend was ahead, holding a ball against his hip. “This is the only way you’ll learn, Y/n.”

“Or is it the only way you can teach?” you mocked under your breath as you followed behind him.

And with your horrible luck, he heard every word. Sae turned around once he got to the centre and set down the ball. “Four laps.”

“Huh?”

“What’d you mean ‘huh’?” He settled his hands on his hips with a—fake—frown. “Fine then. Five laps. Hurry!”

During that ‘warm up’, you gained a stitch in your side and sweat soaked through your clothes. After that Sae, showed you how to dribble and tackle. The first time you successfully stole the ball from him made his heart full as he watched you celebrate, then collapse, demanding a break.

“Dumbass.” He booped your nose before shoving a water bottle into your face. Wordlessly you took it and started chugging its content as if you’ve never had a drink of it before. Sae grinned. “Dumbass.”

m.list | like & reblog

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sofasoap · 2 years ago

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Little first date

Pairing: Johnny “Soap” MacTavish x F!Reader

Summary: Johnny take his bonnie out for their first date, also meet the people who are important to his life.

Warning :T-M rating. All round fluff. talk of moments of insecurity.

Part 8 of Little Bear series

Masterlist

Should you? Or should you not?

Picking up and putting down the piece of napkin in front of you, you keep changing your mind.

Gosh, why am I so indecisive?? Surely there is nothing to lose here.

Other than my own pride.

You let out a desperate moan as you buried your face into the pillow. Thinking back to the night you met the Mohawk…. John MacTavish;

“No pressure bonnie.” as he grabs one of the napkins and asks for a pen from the bartender, he quickly scribbles down some numbers and a little doodle of bar of soap beside it and pushes it towards you. “Here’s my number, text me or ring me when you are ready. I’ll leave it in your hand.”

He seems nice enough. Great sense of humour, handsome ( even with a strange mohawk. Is he trying to imitate Mr T? You wondered.) and those strong arm muscles… the slight chest hair that was peeking through the gap of his shirt when you spotted his dog tag…..

Ah stuff this. Why not? You always think you need to step out of your comfort zone. And this is another great chance to do it, isn’t it?

Making up your mind, you carefully thinking up of what to say, texted him and pressed send before your nerve got the better of you.

You nearly jumped out of the skin when your phone went off not even a minute later after sending the text, you scramble forward to try to pick it up, nearly dropping it in the process.

“Heeellllo??” cursing yourself as your voice squeaked with nerve, you cough a bit and tried again, “Hello??”

A cheerful voice calls out your name, “I've been waiting for you!” Johnny chuckled, “So..you still keen to go out on a date with me?”

“Um. Sure. I think so? If, if you are up for it??” you replied with uncertainty.

And this is how you ended up at the pub, thirty minutes earlier than the agreed time, fretting all day over what you were going to wear, make up or not, should you walk? Should you call for a taxi, what should you order for food, what to talk about so you wouldn’t embarrass yourself?

This is all new to you. Never has someone asked you out before. Nor flirt with you.

You have never gone on a date before.

“You alright there bonnie? I hope you haven’t been waiting too long.” steadying you with his strong arm, he greets you with his flashing smile. “You look beautiful tonight, by the way,” he added softly.

You felt a light tap on your shoulder, dragging you out from your little swirl of panic whirlpool. Turning your head over your shoulder, there you see Johnny, dressed in tight fitting jeans, simple dress shirt and dark leather jacket.

You feel your cheek burning hot, can this guy get any more handsome? You stood up from your stool clumsily, nearly tripping over in the process, if his reflex wasn’t quick enough to catch you.

He waved his hands dismissively, “They are getting here a little bit later, citing not wanting to disturb our date.” Pull out the stool slightly and urge you to sit down again, “ We can worry about them later. So, what would you like to drink? Food? Any preferences?”

“You. you look. Um, very nice too.” Oh, why are you so tongue tied? Wrangling your hands together, you quietly replied, “No, I didn’t wait too long. So, Um. Where are the others?” You half wished his friends and sister would arrive soon, so you wouldn’t have to face him alone, but the other side of you is nervous to meet a new hoard of people all in one go , and wanting to spend a bit of time with him. Ah, that conflict of mind and emotion.

Sensing your nervousness, he gently eases you into conversation by asking simple questions about yourself, hanging onto every word you say, like each of them with great importance, asking all the right questions when you mention anything that he doesn’t quite understand.

He only started talking about himself after you are slightly relaxed enough to ask what he does during time off, his hobby ( you found out he is a huge football fan, even played as a goalkeeper in local clubs for a while until work got too busy.) his family, his younger sister Mini, who he speaks fondly of and the all sort of mischiefs they get up to when they were younger.

You nearly choked on your beer as you laughed with all the stories. “Sounds like you two had quite an adventurous and happy childhood.”

“Funny enough, I was the wild one when we were younger, and she was the one who had me on a leash, now it’s the total opposite.” he chuckled. Taking a sip of the beer, you see a twinkle in his eyes, “My parents would have to rebuild the barn countless times if it wasn’t for her stopping me setting it on fire.” putting his glass down, he stares at you softly with his steel-blue eyes, “You have a beautiful laugh, bonnie. Has anyone ever told you that?”

For the second time tonight, you think your face is going to combust with all the heat creeping up towards it. Looking down at your plate of dessert, pushing the chocolate fudge around with your fork, trying to think of a reply.

Before you can come up with something, you saw a hand slapping of Johnny’s back, making him spill his drink.

“Hello! You must be the unlucky lady that has to put up with this man here, " Johnny growled as you chuckle nervously, "Kyle Garrick, but you can call me Gaz.” Holding out his hand to shake after you introduced yourself, he smirked as he point towards your date,

A dark skinned man with a wide smile appeared.

“Oy Gaz! Watch it!!” Johnny complained, but there’s a playful smile on his face. He stood up and gave the man, Gaz, a quick hug, before turning back towards you.

“You know how excited he was when he got your text and after he got off the phone with you? He was practically dancing around the office and shouting for joy. Price, our captain, had to ask Simon to restrain him.”

“Shut ..shut up Gaz, don’t give all my secrets away…. “ Stuttering and going a bit shy, Johnny elbowed Gaz in the stomach.

“Well, he was telling the truth.” Another voice, deep and husky, piped up. Followed by a woman’s light giggle.

“Where is Captain?” Johnny asked. Gaz shook his head, “He had to go home. He sent his apology to you and your lovely date, saying he would meet you next time.”

“Hi, I’m this bampot’s sister, everyone calls me Mini.” her broad smile reminds you of Johnny’s own, you can really see the family resemblance there.

The Man right beside her, who seems to have a permanent frown plastered between his brows and a black surgical mask on, quietly introduced himself as Simon was a complete opposite to the rest of the group. This must be Ghost, who Johnny previously mentioned before. He doesn’t seem like the type of person that cracks jokes? You wondered.

Oh, there’s next time again. Everyone seems to be so confident there will be a next time!

As the evening draws to a close, you bid goodbye to the group and with promises of future meet ups, Johnny offers to walk you home.

The rest of the evening was spent in good company. They welcome you with open arms, Gaz and Mini taking turns to spill Johnny’s secrets and embarrassing stories. Simon even cracked a joke in between.

“That means he likes you.” Johnny whispered in your ear. “He doesn’t usually talk at all in front of strangers.

Even though it’s already springtime, there was still a bit of a bite to the evening breeze. You shivered as the wind started to pick up.

Suddenly you see a hand in front of you, you look up, Johnny offers you his hand, silently asking with his eyes. You hesitated for a split second extending your hand, with him gently wrapping it with his large, callous but warm hand. He shifted his body slightly, blocking the wind out for you.

Two of you slowly stroll towards your flat in comfortable silence.

“Thank you for the lovely evening.” looking up at him, as two of you came to a stop in front of your place. You feel a slight emptiness in your heart, as you realise the date has come to an end. Johnny still holding your hands in his, caressing the knuckles softly with his thumbs.

“Can I kiss you, bonnie?” he whispered softly, asking for permission.

You only snapped back into sense after he slowly broke the kiss, leaning his forehead against yours. Sliding your hand down towards his chest, feeling his thumping heart.

You nodded your head shyly, body trembling slightly with anticipation. Bringing his hands up, he gently cups your face with his hands, leaning down, his lips hovering over yours for a few seconds, before closing the gap.

Oh, how you feel your body is going to melt into a puddle. Eyes fluttering to a close, your arms come up around his neck, pulling him down further, trying to make your body closer to his as much as possible.

“.. That was my first kiss…. “ you softly blurted out, making a confession. You don’t want this moment to end. Never have you felt such an overwhelming sense of emotion towards anyone else. Is this what falling in love feels like?

Feeling his arm around you, tightening his embrace, he took in a shaky breath before speaking.

“Well, I am very honoured to be your first.” he whispered softly into your ear. “And I hope this will be one of the many firsts that is yet to come.”

You knew you were a goner right there and then.

A/N: This actually went out a little bit longer than expected. oops. Word vomited too much sorry. was half watching Woman world cup final and half writing.

@a-small-writer-in-a-big-world

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nosebleedsturn · 2 months ago

Text

seven ; von dutch

Words: 2,797

monday, 7:35 am, november 4th

vega renee veloz

monday. a nice, quiet, beautiful monday morning. when i was younger, monday was my favorite day of the week. it was like new years, a fresh start to a new week. you can get ahead of everything you need to do. you had a nice relaxing weekend to get over and one to look forward too. only recently had i found the joy in monday's. i created my own routine. go to school, come home, do homework, clean around the house and then go to the store to shop for the weeks lunch and dinner plans. i had woken up early this morning, 6 am. i wanted to get in some extra studying before class. today, we were studying sculptures. i wasn't particuarly interested in them, but i had to pass the finals to move on to the next half of my studies.

i was sitting at my vanity, cami was sitting beside me, doodling in pencil on my wall. i assume she was going to color it later on when i've left for school. "she was all over him wasn't she?" i said again after not having a response from cami. i think she was getting irritated with me, but then again, i haven't had seen camille get mad at anyone. "uh huh." camille replied without hesitation. i scoffed. was she even listening to me? "i mean, the whole 'have a good day' thing, totally uncalled for!" i glared at camille, feeling the red hot burning of anger. "she should've just taken her clothes off and taken him right in front of us all, she looked so desperate for his attention. so embarrassing."

"yep." cami mumbled. i dropped my mascara tube, flipping around to face her. "why are you acting like this?" i swiveled around on my vanity chair. "you know, for hating someone so much, you sound a little obsessed with who's interested in him. vega, do us all a favor and grow up. enough is enough, i know you're not ready to date. but this obsession with hating matt is pissing everyone off." cami slammed the pencil down on the ground, rolling off the floor and leaving the room as fresh tears dripped down her irritated face. before either of us could say something else, she walks out of my bedroom, slamming the door gently behind her. even when she's mad, she's so delicate.

i tugged on my earring gently, watching the empty space where cami had once sat. her pencil doodling's written across the lower half of my bedroom. i chew on my bottom lip deep in thought. i didn't think i was bothering her that bad? why didn't she just say something then? i mean it was true, i wasn't wrong. she was basically begging for matthew's attention. we could all see it. i run my fingers through my freshly straightened hair and head over to the wardrobe.

i liked having friends who were fashion designers. almost all of the clothes i wore were from their brands, tailored to fit me perfectly. or, they were from brands who reached out to me to shout out their clothing brand. some of it was thrifted too. malerie and i loved going thrifting together, we always find good thing's. malerie mostly goes so she can find some inspiration for her clothing, or get basics to print thing's onto when she has a knew idea. i liked going with her to find my own clothes, and sometimes mal can put pins in places and make it fit my body perfectly. i think individualism is so special in a world where everyone copies each other. but i think it's adorable how we get inspired from other people's work. a lot of people get upset when they can only replicate and not recreate, but i think it's cool when you can see something and draw it or make it the exact same.

i throw on a brand deal matching red set. i put on a black tank top underneath, and clip a few necklaces around my neck to bring some attention to my chest. i loved gold jewelry, but i was also a huge lover of silver.

it was typically really hard for me to find jewelry that actually didn't turn me green, which is why i hardly ever agree to brand deals with jewelry companies, unless i've actually ordered from them before. i only want to give my followers and supporters the realest deals when it comes to this, i don't want their skin to turn green or blue, that's just gross. and i don't want to give them a discount on bad jewelry that rusts easily. i grabbed my black juicy couture purse from the closet. i wasn't huge on purses, but this was my baby. my grandma had bought it brand new, and when i was in high school she gave it to me. by now, it's kinda falling apart but i'd never throw it away or sell it, she's my baby. it came with a matching wallet that said 'juicy princess' on it, matching of course.

i left my bedroom, shutting off the lights and walking into the living room. camille was staring at the tv, completely lost in thought. it wasn't even on. i cleared my throat catching her attention but she was too lost in her own mind. "cami?" i gently called out and then she turned her head to look at me. "huh?" camille replied quietly, blinking at me twice in confusion. "i was being annoying wasn't i?"

she nods slowly in agreement. "i don't mean to be annoying," i sighed, moving to sit beside her on the couch. "i just can't stand matthew, he's so annoying. i don't get why someone basic bitch, who's far too pretty for him, would try and get his attention like that." i ranted and camille nodded the whole time. i know she wasn't agreeing with me, she was just letting me know she understood me, which was honestly all i ever needed. "i know it's okay v, i just think we need a bit of space for a while." i nodded and camille stood up, leaving to her room.

i push the hair out of my face and nodded to myself. it's one thing arguing with mal, but arguing with cami. it's like she's a bunny, or a deer caught in the headlights. honestly, i think she's yelled at enough at dance. i've heard the horror stories. i rummage through my purse checking to see if my keys were in there, and they were.

luckily i was able to get to the car without any issues, but the scent of the sturniolo triplets were all over it. especially matthew's cologne. i plopped down onto my chair, rolling all the windows down as soon as i turned the car on. i pulled out of my parking space, head shaking in irritation. i can't do anything right anymore apparently.

the drive to school was slow, a lot of early morning traffic, but oddly enough, i liked traffic. i liked chilling in the car and wasting time listening to music. technically, my class didn't start until nine thirty, and i had only left at 8:10, school was less than twenty minutes away. i would have time to grab a coffee from the campus cafeteria and be in class before it even started. i think being late is the worst thing you can do. there is no such thing as being fashionably late, you have time to wake up, get dressed and ready and be there. being late is never cute especially when it's something important. like school, don't be late to school.

i parked my car as close to the school as possible, and immediately head over to the school's cafeteria. i open up the front doors, sliding through them with ease. i smile once realizing my only other friend in the whole world, stephanie. she works here at the school cafeteria. i don't know if she's a student or not but she's pretty young. "hi stephanie."

"hey angel face, what'll it be today?"

she's helped us a few times when we needed help with finances. i hated taking money from people, cause then you'd eventually have to pay them back, and there's the possibility they'll hold that debt over you like black mail. but she's helped us get other jobs. "caramel macchiato, iced, medium please." i listed off my order and stephanie got to work ringing that up. "that'll be six fifty. cash or card." i opened her wallet, sliding my card through the machine and it beeped. "alright i'll call for you when it's ready." i nodded and checked the time on her phone.

8:45 am

i tugged my notebook out of my backpack, pulling out one of my pencils. sam and i were working on a collaboration lines and i needed a new design finished before the week was over. malerie also requested a new cybersigilism tattoo design. i hear my name being called and i look up, walking over to the counter to grab my drink. "what's up with you today?" stephanie asked, leaning over the counter to get a better look of my face. "what?" i asked, taking a sip of the iced caramel flavored coffee. i didn't think i was giving off any signs that there was something wrong. the coffee has a nice bitter taste, but the sweetness of the coffee swirled it around and evened it out a bit. "you look glum... don't tell me, there's a boy?" stephanie asked quizzically. i could feel my face drop. a boy? i've never really told anyone else what happened between daniel and i since moving here, no one knows about my past except for sammy and he'd never tell anyone. do i really look like a boy's ruined my morning?

stephanie smiled in victory. "i knew it, i'm a mother, i know that look." stephanie pointed to me. "don't make a big deal out of it, it's nothing really." i tried to deny but stephanie wasn't hearing any of it. "tell me about him." what is there to even say? "i didn't know you were a mother, you're so young." i said, trying to distract her and move on to a different topic, but stephanie wasn't taking the bait. "no none of that, tell me about this mystery boy." i sighed and took a long sip of my coffee. "there's nothing to say, i mean i hate him. he's so annoying. for malerie's birthday yesterday, we all went out for breakfast and some girl was practically all over him the whole time. it's so unfair, he act's like he's so cool, like he's so tough. but he's really not. he's just a loser."

"i'd be careful telling people you hate this guy." stephanie rested her head in her hand, looking up at me. "my girls always say they hate guys but they never mean it." i rolled my eyes. how in the world can stephanie have kids who care about guys? she herself looks like a kid. "how old are you anyway?" i asked. "i'm 24." my eyes widened in shock. "i thought you were like 18..." she shrugged. "i'm glad you think that, but no. i keep in shape running after my girls all day."

"how many kids do you have?" i asked. "only two but they keep me young apparently. i had them when i was fifteen. my boyfriend at the time got me pregnant. he's in jail now, and the girls and i don't see him." i swallowed, staring down stephanie. it's a strange feelings seeing that this woman and i probably went through similar thing's. "they're twins, nine now, almost ten. one of the them, the eldest twin, arabella.. she's got this boy at her school that she doesn't like but her twin sister, dallas, says the two of them act like a married couple. she says they argue like grandma and grandpa do. sometimes i think arabella is afraid that this guy she's got a little crush on is gonna leave her like her daddy. she doesn't want me to date boys, she's been pushing them away since she was five." stephanie sighed, straightening up again. "look vega, i know we only see each other once a day in the morning before you do your schooling, and i know i've helped you girls out every once in a while, but we don't know each other, not really..." stephanie explained and i nodded in agreement. "but don't push everyone out of your life, i promise you'll grow up and regret it. i was like you once, i hated every boy i came into contact with, and i definitely don't know why you don't like guys, but i wished i could have dated more. the girls deserve a father figure and i can't give them that now because we're all so used to not having a man in our lives."

"you don't need a man, and i think you know that, but don't be afraid of them forever. they only have as much power over your lives as you give them." stephanie concluded and i nodded silently. wow. "thank you stephanie, seriously." she nodded. "anytime v."

10:10 am

when vega's school day was all done, she hurried on home, it was only 10:10, but she was exhausted. the sculpture class was actually a lot more interesting than she expected it to be. someone had come in to show the class different ways to sculpt, chisel, and scrape away at a block of stone. he made two decent sculptures in the half hour of class and had the students take notes on what he was doing.

vega liked it more than she wanted to. mostly because the guest speaker was funny. but she needed a nap.

opening the door to her home, she had parking out in the parking lot with as much ease as she had in the morning. she was even happier realizing that she had flushed the scent of matt's musk out of the car by leaving the window open a teeny crack. maybe doing that on a range rover wasn't the best idea, but honestly if someone broke in and stole her car she'd thank them for the lawsuit coming their way, and how they wouldn't need to pay for it anymore. she loved her car dearly but with the expenses of malerie's car creeping up on them, and then the holidays weren't too far ahead either, she wasn't sure how any of the girls were going to survive this winter.

vega had her first youtube video of the month coming out tomorrow, and was almost feeling in the mood to post on tiktok, that's how well her day was going. but you know how life is, it always liked to bite you in the ass.

the first thing she noticed when she opened the door, was the music. her favorite song ever, von dutch by charli xcx was playing from multiple devices, she could tell. it was playing on repeat too, so most likely it was a short video. maybe even an edit. she pranced up the stairs, singing along to the songs lyrics but cami, nick sturniolo, and malerie didn't look like they were happy. "what's wrong?" vega asked, which was weird, people usually asked her that, and there was always an answer. but for once, she felt rather okay. "you should sit down." vega eyed camille, malerie and nick curiously. "what?" vega sat down inbetween her two girl friends. "i just wanna apologize, and uh... don't freak out on me." malerie starts off. vega's eyes were wide, mouth dropped open in worry, eyebrows furrowed deeply in confusion. "alright." vega agreed, although she didn't really know what she was supposed to not freak out about, nothing bad happened right?

cami and nick seemed to flinch when malerie turned her phone around, the video playing for vega. vega's face didn't move an inch as the video played. honestly, it was a great edit. she looked fantastic, clips of her from malerie' birthday party. the flashes of bright light, von dutch, her in her sparkly dress and heels taking shots with malerie and a few of the other girls. until matt popped up and he was being edited in the video as well. vega's head tilted to the side, even more confused than before.

a quiet gasped echoed around the living room when the only scene of vega and matt showed up, and then reversed and then the edit was over. "someone made a ship edit of me and matthew fucking sturniolo?"

N O S E B L E E D S

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