#but it's true. anyway. fuuuuuck dude.

[knifearo]

beloved aro blog thank u for that response to the anon who didnt know how to tell if they were aro (it says asexual, but maybe that was a typo?). i generally use the aro label for myself because it fits 95% of the time but that 5% is when the doubt comes in and i feel like im "faking it." but that anon u answered has Cleared the Cobwebs of Doubt. youre Right. Amatonormativity is So Prevalent. the paragraph about wanting romance bc romance, or wanting romance bc society says u need a romantic relationship to get xyz thing from life Hit Me So Hard. i think i will come back to this post every time i feel Unsure about my label. so thank u for placing your words in that order for me. love loses. love wins. violence. have a great day homie

first of all. i'm ur beloved aro blog 🥺 nd yeah i do think it was a typo haha

second of all i'm so glad that it helped out for you :) the thing about amatonormativity is that you will constantly go "it can't be doing ALL of these things." but then it IS. EVERY TIME. you look up and amatonormativity is warping your ideas of self-worth and your plans for the future and your interactions with friends and family and holding society as a whole in a fucking vice grip and it's fucking. stealing your lunch money too. idk. that bitch. you know how it is. anyway that 5% is so real and you're so real for feeling it and it is NOT silly or cringe to take a few seconds in the bathroom mirror telling yourself "you ARE aromantic. and it's okay." if that's something that'll help. and also yada yada "aromanticism is not one uniform experience and arospec identities are valid and you can call yourself aromantic even if you experience romantic attraction sometimes as long as it feels like a label that's relevant to your experience" all the things that i'll say anytime someone is coming to me saying that they don't know if they're Really aro haha. just to get it out of the way. sounds like you've got stuff in a good place rn and i'm so glad that you're feeling that way :) hell yeah brother love loses!!!!! aromanticism forever and ever 🖤

[bunjywunjy]

TWO WEIRD SHRIMP

I just got a mysterious package in the mail! 

gee, what could it be? 

why, it’s...

...TWO WEIRD SHRIMP! 

haha, just kidding.

meet Anomalocaris, apex predator of the Cambrian seas! (her name is Arwen)

Anomalocaris literally means “Strange Shrimp”, I’m not making that part up.

you see, when Anomalocaris (aah-NOM-aah-loh-CAR-isss) was first discovered in 1892 it was just a partial fossil, which looked like this

so naturally the guy who discovered it (Joseph Frederick Whiteaves) assumed that it was... well, two weird shrimp. can’t really blame him for that one. (this fossil always makes me hungry.)

parts of Anomalocaris were also misidentified by other scientists as a jellyfish or a sponge.

(it was the mouth. the mouth, guys.)

so imagine the look on the scientists’ faces when more complete fossils started showing up:

"what the FUUUUUCK, GUYS.” (Joseph Frederick Whiteaves, probably.)

anyway Anomalocaris was the apex predator of the Cambrian seas, feeding on trilobites and whatever the hell else it wanted. it was fast and agile, swimming around with its big fin... thingies.

no prey could hide from its sharp compound eyes or withstand its mighty bite. truly, it was the top predator of its age, and the first known specialized true predator species.

it ruled the seas from the early to middle Cambrian, a period of roughly 40 million years. 

it was also one of the largest animals alive at the time: up to three entire feet long.

(human provided for really hilarious sense of scale. watch your ankles, blue dude!)

while Anomalocaris might not be up to today’s standards, it still marks a very important advance in an early part of Earth’s history when life was still shelled and swimmy.

thanks, Anomalocaris!

“you welcome!”

----

thanks for reading! if you want a life-size Anomalocaris of your own, I got Arwen here.

you can find the rest of the Weird Biology series here.

if you enjoy my work, maybe buy me a coffee so I can do stuff like this more often.

[bosooka]

Official Thoughts on ABIIOR

1) The 1975 - honestly a little meh about this one. I prefer ILIWYS’s opener. the quiet and sudden autotone made me jump when I listened to it and that’s not really my style.

2) Give Yourself A Try - I loved this from the first moment I heard it. It’s a relatable song and it makes me feel hopeful, it makes me want to give myself a try. excellent first single in my opinion.

3) TOOTIMETOOTIMETOOTIME - makes me want to cheat and/or do cocaine. Fun, fake, everything I want. A welcome relief from the seriousness of all the other songs.

4) How To Draw/Petrichor - again, I prefer ILIWYS’s version of How To Draw, but Petrichor was fun!

5) Love It If We Made It - Raw, angry, incoherent. Sounds like the inside of my head.

6) Be My Mistake - fuuuuuck, dude. this song broke me. I cried like a baby. This is exactly what it feels like, when you lust after someone but love someone else. STOP SNATCHING MY WEAVE MATTY PLS

7) Sincerity Is Scary - jazzy bop!!! Has the same torment of all of the 1975’s songs but it’s cute and funky. almost reminds me of She’s American?

8) I Like America And America Likes Me - LOVE THE BEAT. can’t understand a word Matty is saying but I love it anyway. totally gonna dance to this one. even if it’s about gun violence.

9) The Man Who Married A Robot/ Love Theme - the story is true as anything. Love Theme made me tear up.

10) Inside Your Mind - Gone Girl-style. I love it. reminds me of Somebody Else. it’s a twisted, ugly love song, and I am awful fond of it.

11) It’s Not Living (If It’s Not With You) - a love song to addiction. I can dance to this one, too.

12) Surrounded By Heads And Bodies - this one is particularly beautiful. post-traumatic mess. don’t sleep. it hurts to be awake. matty is so good at lyric writing.

13) Mine - this is sinatra lounge jazz. I LOVE IT. everybody say thank you matty

14) I Couldn’t Be More In Love - snazzy guitar solo I can totally vibe with. love the gospel and the key changes ❤️

15) I Always Wanna Die (Sometimes) - I got through the whole album without actually beginning to cry, but this song? I broke down. it’s by far my favorite song on the album, because I relate to it so deeply and it’s so moving and I just love it so much. I love the 1975 so much. if you can’t survive, just try.

[megers67]

And now for a nightmare

Had a dream that "I" was in high school (16th birthday because my brain is tropey apparently) and during one of my classes, a teacher was doing some anime pose as a joke, but ended up accidentally busting a hole through the room and into a wall of lockers (this random burst of anime is never explained nor explored in true dreamscape fashion).

The busted lockers reveal they were built into a wall that had a door with a big X on it. Clearly it led to a part of the school that was closed off and forgotten. Naturally during the next change of classes, many students went to explore. My dream then left its focus on me (I dream in third person with some first person) to show that the door led to an entire abandoned wing on the school. My perspective never left the opening hallway, buy there were quite a few students exploring before a few teachers came to scold them out. I never went into the hallway because I'm a goody two-shoes and while I'm curious, going into abandoned and likely condemned spaces was absolutely NOT ever my jam.

At first, my dream proceeded as normal. One of my grad student friends was there as we headed for a calc class (lol wut??) And he talked about how he hurt his foot rafting the day before and that's why he kinda felt like shit and had a limp. Anyway, during calc, the teacher started acting weird af. My "character" didn't see it, but the teacher's eyes briefly flashed a glowing yellow and so did some of my classmates (who were a random assortment of anime characters and people I knew from real life or just random people who could have been anybody).

I can't remember what the teacher was saying but my back felt like it was starting to burn. Like someone was staring daggers into it, but instead of daggers it was fire. At one point, I even turn around and go "Hey cut it out" to the guy behind me (who looked like a dude from my high school theatre program who I had a friend crush on). He looked at me in a really creepy way and it didn't really change anything. I had this weird feeling that I should engage as little as possible and that talking about it could even be dangerous to me, even if I didn't know why.

One classmate (idk of he was one of the ones whose eyes glowed or not) gave me a bracelet and I was "Oh! Thanks! That's so sweet!" This IMMEDIATELY caused the burning to stop and theatre dude and two others whose eyes had glowed started vying for my attention in a way that was like they were competing for my love yet weirdly working together on that task. Like suddenly taking about being attractive (ha like my ace ass would be taken in by THAT) or one would be chatting with me in the hallway after class while at least one of the others followed like a creepy stalker until I called them out on it.

I decide to go to the principal, played by Dumbledore, because shit is turning into harrassment here. Also the calc teacher suggested it. I go into the office and he's sitting behind a desk that has three eggs on it. Um. Weird but okay. He starts talking about how people have been doing weird things since the abandoned wing had been opened. Okay sweet awesome, he is already aware. People who had been in there were starting to get strange powers. Like telekinetic powers and shit. Alright didn't know THAT part but he's the principal so makes sense he knows more than me here, also I have the observational skills of a spork so I prolly have failed to notice a lot of things. He tells me to pick an egg. That's... kind of weird but I pick one up.

And promptly throw it to the ground because I got a feeling he isn't offering me a pokemon here. Or I should say that I TRY to throw it to the ground because the second before it hits the ground, it gets a yellow glow around it and levitates back to the desk. Where Dumbledore is sitting. With glowing yellow eyes and ah fuck he's one of THEM. I immediately book it because I know enough horror movie tropes to know that staying is a bad thing. So now he's chasing me down a suddenly-empty school hallway and I can hear him getting closer and closer (oh and it's now first-person). I have to keep telling myself to not look behind me. I do at one point and though I don't SEE him, I can sure as fuck hear him so I was like NOPE NOT DOING THAT AGAIN THAT WILL SLOW ME DOWN. NOPE NOPE NOPE. At one point I get to a juncture, take off my bracelet, throw it down one side and run the other way. I hide behind some lockers so the sound of my running won't give me away and the chasing noises go down the other side.

I find that I am in front of the counselor's office and without even knocking I go inside. Partly out of refuge, partly hoping to see if THEY know what's going on while not being part of this mysterious THEM.

I woke up before finding out. Creepy as fuuuuuck. Also one of the more coherent nightmares I've had in a while. Not sure if that's a good thing. Prolly could have turned into a non-nightmare if I kept it running but no way was I about yo see if it got worse than an evil telekinetic Dumbledore so yeah no.

[ldeefixe]

short version: some men hosting a fan panel were incredibly dismissive and rude about something i asked them, while rebuffing and outright misconstruing everything i said, to the point of essentially treating me like i was stupid and didnt know what i was talking about

long version (possible spoilers for hero academia lmfao):

so, i made the mistake of going to this hero academia panel at AWA. it was a pretty fuckin’ long one, and i didn’t really expect much from it, but it’s sunday and panels are usually pretty sparse. the panel, hosted by three dudes, seemed like it was supposed to be some sort of introspective, thoughtful dissertation on BNHA’s canon and such, so i was like. sure, this might be promising, whatever.

in a way, some of it was what i was hoping for, but not the most substantial amount whatsoever. some of the stuff they said was genuinely interesting, but if i had to sum up the bulk of their content in one word, it would be “recap”. they had a horrible habit of just reiterating regular plot points without much dissecting to be seen at all. also, they were convinced that mineta was the top tier of comedy relief (they mentioned him more than i would have liked) and they were really, really into endeavor. to the point that, towards the end of the panel where manga discussion was supposed to happen, most of their attention was turned towards how great endeavor was, and how he wasnt really a Bad Dude and they didnt want to say he was horrible despite the stuff he put his family through 

i probably should’ve left sooner, but again, some of the stuff they talked about was genuinely interesting. like with mirio, they had some fun points to make in regards to him, so i begrudgingly held on. additionally, i wanted to hear the manga discussion, because i was excited to hear people talking about it. my fuuuuucking mistake

they mentioned dabi, and since they all seemed to have the biggest boners for endeavor, i raised my hand at the end when they welcomed questions and tried to ask them what they thought of the theory that dabi is actually touya, endeavor’s son. i say “tried”, because one of them cut me off before i could even finish and was like “yeah we’re not going to talk about that, because there’s nothing actually backing up the theory, everything is purely circumstantial”, etc. etc. and i said i disagreed, because there was actual canonical evidence that hinted towards dabi knowing endeavor and shouto if not that he’s related to them--i specifically cited how he said both of their names to their faces and how his quirk is a massive blue fire quirk, among other things.

and while both of the guys were super dismissive from the very get go, one of the guys was like “what, because he has blue eyes you think he’s related to endeavor?” it’s very important to note that i never stated the thing about blue eyes when i was listing off my reasons for believing the theory. and so i said that that wasn’t the reason i cited, and yes, he has blue eyes, but he also knows them both by name (and has specifically referred to them with their first and last names), and that his flame quirk is also compelling. and then this fucker goes on like “so you’re saying just because he has a fire quirk you think they’re related??? do you think everyone with a fire quirk in hero academia is related???? izuku’s dad has a fire quirk is he related to them????????” just SO FUCKING RUDE AND CONDESCENDING i was alarmed! honestly! by how fucking rude he was acting! and the other guy wasnt much better!

they went on to just totally dismiss my theory in a very uncomfortably personal way, like it wasn’t just “yeah we don’t really agree with the theory” but more “you’ve got no canonical evidence to support this baseless claim you’re talking about and it would be a stupid, cliche plot twist anyway. even if it WAS true”

to be honest? i felt kind of humiliated. they were just incredibly awful and i left that panel feeling extremely put off

i know they said other stuff that i’ve already pushed from my mind but that’s the bulk of what happened and why i’m upset. they could have just as easily been like “we have heard about that theory, but we’re not big fans” instead of insulting it and me for bringing it up lmfao! i loved how they misconstrued or outright ignored everything i said, even to the point of interrupting me and treating me like i was stupid. 

anyways, i cannot fucking WAIT until that theory is confirmed so they can cram their shitty opinions and egos up their ass

[italicwatches]

My Hero Academia, season 2 - Episode 34

Alright, let’s get this going. It’s My Hero Academia, episode 34! Here we GO!

-We begin with a live TV program, with the big question of the day: How important is sex appeal to hero work? And the two who will be discussing this topic, the pro heroes Mt. Lady and Midnight! …So the panel’s a bit biased, I hear you saying. And I’ll tell you I don’t disagree in the slightest.

-What the hell was Midnight’s debut costume, even. It was so absurd they had to change the law. Also what is it with heroes debuting at night in situations with lots of fire and smoke. …Anyways, Midnight takes a surprisingly pragmatic approach to the question. In short, a lot of Quirks need exposed skin to function properly, and since being a hero involves enough physical activity that you’re almost by definition reasonably fit and attractive…Well, sexiness isn’t so much the goal, as the practical result.

-And then Mt. Lady just straight up admits people like lookin’ at a giantess’s titties and things go, shall we say, sideways? We shall say sideways. And also she tries to call Midnight an old hag, which is only slightly less absurd than Midnight’s original costume, and also this is all being watched by the human trash instead of doing his studies. You deserve to flunk out.

-Opening!

-Episode 34: Gear up for Final Exams

-I heard gear. THIS BETTER HAVE MEI IN IT. To class, as Shota wants to be damn sure they’re all studying for the final exam next week. It’ll be a written exam and a practical, so be ready. And a lot of the students are ready.

-Kaminari and Mina are not ready.

-And they’re at the bottom of the ranking as of midterm results.

-Welllll shit. Unfortunately, the human trash is in the upper mid-ranks so he’ll almost certainly pass. Also, Deku wants to help the low-ranked souls! As do the other high-ranked types, with varying degrees of…Actual helpfulness. Deku is full of cheer, Tenya is very serious, Shoto doesn’t entirely get that studies aren’t easy for everyone. (It’s okay, Shoto, I’ve been there too.) Momo wants to be super helpful but is reeaaally feeling like shit about her practical results. (I’ve been there, too.)

-And Kyoka wants in on this study help thing because, look, real talk, she’s crap at math. And anyways that’s how Momo finds herself suddenly surrounded by people who really need her book learning help, and it’s everything she needed to feel confident again and now she’s going to gather everyone up and have Mother open up the study hall and get in just the right teas and and and and…

-…You know I hadn’t realized this until now but enthusiastic Momo is kind of adorable. And everyone else realizes the same, even as they see how casually she just laid down how different her life is from all of them from more working class families.

-Hard contrast Katsuki, who tries to “offer” to “help” with all of his RAGE.

-To lunch! Where Deku’s got his more practical concerns going as he hashes out some idea of what they might be looking at on that exam. And Ochaco just quietly despairs at the idea of Deku, who did so much better than her on the midterms, concerned about whether he’ll “manage somehow”. All they know is that their practical will be a culmination of what they’ve learned up to this point…

-And then the copycat comes by to be an asshole. Dude, just…Just fuck you. Grow up. Quit being a shitstain. Nobody cares. Do you know why I don’t use your name? It’s because you’re barely better than the human trash—

-Anyways then Itsuka smacks him in the head. Thank you, Itsuka. You’re alright. She apologizes for her stupid idiot classmate, and also offers something she heard from a senpai she knows; apparently their first-year final exam was a clash against robots, kind of like the entrance exam. It’s not much and it’s kind of like cheating to know, but Deku of course immediately begins to think of how they can use that…Of course, information gathering would be part of any hero course, it’s an unwritten rule! Just like the exam arc from that anime about the samurai villages, with the kid who had a wolf demon inside him! (Real talk I think I like making up fake alternate-universe anime almost as much as I like watching real ones)

-So the rest of the class soon learns and there’s lots of excitement because robots are easy to just throw down against! Yeah, they can do this! But Deku…Deku remembers his conversation with No Might, and he’s realizing how much harder he has to work…

-Also Katsuki continues to be an asshole, but then just calls Deku out straight-up for stealing his moves. Ohhh shit. He intends to prove himself better than Deku in the exams, and destroy his chances! And YOU TOO, Shoto! Then he’s gone, leaving a deep tension in the room…

-As Shota, outside, quietly listens and makes notes…The kid’s gotten worse than he thought…

-Hard cut to Momo’s place.

-Well.

-The gate in front of Momo’s place.

-The gate in front of the grounds in front of Momo’s place.

-The woods outside of the grounds in front of Momo’s place.

-Actually they might be cutting through the center of the massive estate now that I look at it.

-Guys.

-Guys I think Momo’s family owns their own micro nation.

-I think this is technically a sovereign power.

-Do we need passports?

-Aaaanyways they finally ring the interco—Momo was just sitting at the other end waiting. Oh this poor sweet girl.

-To one of the dining halls! One of them. Being here in a t-shirt feels like walking into the royal palace with shit in your hands. Cue Momo with the tea in the literal fanciest set I have ever seen in my life.

-Hard contrast against, say, Deku and Ochaco studying in their rooms(well, Ochaco trying to study, but books are hard and sleeping is easy), or Tenya’s runs, or MOMO GOT OUT A SPECIAL TEACHER OUTFIT WHY DO YOU EVEN HAVE THAT. And on and on it goes, until, the day of the exam itself!

-The written exam happens over three days…And when it’s all finally done, everyone is able to breathe. Until it’s the practical exam.

-And…Those aren’t robots. These are the teachers of UA. Shota of course expected them to have done some information gathering…But too bad, they changed it! And so this year…You’re going to form duos to face down a teacher and try to hold the line! Also, the arrangements have been chosen ahead of time, so no trying to work your way into a more advantageous situation.

-First up? Shoto and Momo are a team. and they’re fighting Shota himself. Next? Deku and Katsuki, you’re up against…

-ALL MIGHT IS HERE

-Oh shit. OHH SHIT.

-OHHHH FUUUUUCK

-THIS JUST GOT REAL

-Roll back to a few days ago, the teachers all got together to talk things out…And that’s when they made the decision to change the final exams. The robot training was a practical compromise back in the day, but with things coming forward, with actual true villains becoming more serious…There was a lot of debate and concern, but the decision ultimately came together, that the only way to ensure the students could be safe in an increasingly dangerous world was to ensure they could handle that danger.

-Thus came the decisions on teams and matches. Momo and Shoto were easy: He uses too much brute force with sheer power, she’s an incredible all-rounder who’s spent too long theory crafting to be able to change the script on the fly. A good pairing to round out their flaws, and Shota could lock down their Quirks and force them to rely on the fundamentals.

-And Deku and Katsuki, their rivalry was blatant. Their rivalry, and their shared admiration for All Might, which is why he got picked for them…And those are the only ones that really get focus! The rest, just get lined up real quirk like! We’ll see who, if anyone, gets real focus in the thick. You get thirty minutes to either cuff your teacher or manage for one of you to escape! Both are a gold star, there is no penalty for getting out of dodge. Part of being a pro hero is knowing when you’re just going to make the situation worse if you’re still in there.

-And Shota makes a point of calling out Deku, Tenya and Shoto for that particular lesson…Also, the teachers also all have one classic handicap. Each of them has been given hyper-dense weight bands from the support course. Totaled up, each of them will be wearing roughly half-again their total body weight, slowing down their movement. Fun fact, the design was ultimately decided upon by young Hatsume Mei! (YES)

-So first up is Kirishima and Sato, the guy in yellow, who if memory serves are up against Tonka Tough. Everyone’s more or less settled into figuring out plans and tactics, sharing information freely…

-While Deku ends up in the monitoring room, watching alongside Recovery Girl and Ochaco. And Deku straight up admits, Katsuki isn’t gonna listen to him strategize for even two seconds. …Ochaco’s in the same boat with laser belly. So they’re both just gonna watch, and try to get some solid reference data.

-And the exam is on! Kirishima and Sato both make the same assumption that they’ll get higher marks for a capture than for an escape. Which, against Tonka Tough, is a dangerous assumption. Kirishima hardens up, and Sato…Downs some sugar? Oh hey, let’s learn his Quirk finally! Sugar Rush! His body processes straight sugar incredibly quickly, turning it into incredible muscle strength for three minutes…But it even eats up the glucose in his brain, turning him into a near-mindless berserker if he goes too far out!

-Anyways, both men punch their way through Tonka Tough’s walls, ora-ora-ora-ora-ing their way to him…But he just keeps putting up walls…And up in the monitoring room, Deku sees the limit in their plans. Both of them work on a timer system. Their powers involve temporarily enhancing their abilities. But Tonka Tough’s ability is about manipulating materials. His only limit is in the actual matter he has to work with…And he has a lot to work with in an urban environment. To lay it out…He can hold out a hell of a lot longer than they can keep putting down the hurt.

-This whole exam is about putting you against your biggest weakness. And yep, both those two fools get shut right down, finally bound up in a concrete prison and the match is decided. And now Recovery Girl has to get to work. Everyone’s shocked that it ended that fast…And that leaves Deku trying to figure out how the hell to deal with All Might… (I’m guessing “Buy time until his power runs out” isn’t on the board)

-Next match! Tsu and Fumikage rolled up starting in the center, which means their opponent is likely waiting by the exit gate…Nope, he immediately appears with a whole crowd of…clones? Illusions? Either way, both youths are totally surrounded, and unlike Tonka Tough, this skull-masked hero intends to claim a hard victory!

-Credits!

Ohhhhh shiiiiiiiiiiiit

[foralwaysinallways-blog]

&& another one bites the dust..

Okay, so remember​ how MyDude played You Are Not The One by The Grouch the other day? Yea, well, it doesn’t end there, actually.. See, idk if you recall but when the song bit went down, MyDude and I were en route to drop Dre n Jackie off at Hunter’s apartment, on our way to the clinic that morning. Yea, well.. it wasn’t too long after MyDude played that excruciatingly hurtful song at me, that Jackie ran a her low-key batting her lashes bit at MyDude- gushing over every other song err artist that he chose to put on. Then proceeding on to go back n forth with him about who they have seen live && gushing all over every single one he shared. All from the backseat where she sat bitch next to Dre who was behind MyDude. Then as we got to their stop, they came up to a low-key dramatic situation that was shittiest for Jackie, having gotten into a big built up fight with Hunter the day before + her ex bestie, MissMe.inaction whom fucks with Dre, I guess, was also there && completely outa no where she all of the sudden starts persistently pushing to get MyDude to go inside with she and Dre, completely refusing NickBlunten’s eager offer to go up with them for her. But no, she aggressively insisted that she be accompanied by MYDUDE.. && you know i can’t even beg, guilt err bribe MyDude to back me up in similar situations. But there I was, stunned by what I was watching this girl run right in front of my face, as if I was not even seated right there the entire time.. my jaw finally dropping as I continue watching as he starts moving and reacting / responding to this whole situation in sucha way that immediately showed me that he was preparing himself to get out of the car asap. I responded without even thinking at all whatsoever, and casually got his attention, and privately expressing my perception of Jackie’s behavior and how it’s absolutely absurd to believe that she’d make that happen in sucha way. She clearly doesn’t properly understand who she’s been fuckin with; who I truly am. Anyways, since then, I have more elaborately discussed everything with MyDude and increasingly fucked with him / gave him shit for his ‘new GF, Jackie Robinson’ (oh, ughh - I called him Christopher Robin- ugghh fuuuuuck..=|) && still, every time we spend time with her, she clings to MyDude’s nuts in all kinds of various ways, all of them cliche n obvious af that she whole heartedly believes that she is being sneaky and succeeding lol Eventually I told MyDude that if we are guna be around Jackie any more that I need him to not behave in ways that promote, condone or encourage her inappropriate actions towards, about and to him by any means. He needed to not only shoot her advances down, but also make a firm point to express his love, respect n loyalty to me in response to her every single time. So he was not only consistently rejecting her but proudly repin me n us at the same times too. He firmly agreed with me saying that he totally understood and was capable and willing to do so, being present and solid in his personal role within the entire situation. I immediately challenged him entirely, calling him out on prior situations that went down exactly like we just had before.. with him convincing me that he will absolutely act and behave a particular way within a previously​ predicted n anticipated situation with another individual whom I was beefin with at the time && how every single time did he not only betray me completely by not backing me up n behaving as he previously promises but furthermore, blatantly choosing to back up the opposing person and fighting against me, entirely on my own. He stayed unflinching, swearing promises of going to bat for my team this time around. And so, one a fuckin gain, I surely can’t truly hardly believe in an ounce of a single damn thing that he says.. but I don’t think I can live the rest of my life wondering what if he really has finally learned the error of his ways n is genuinly assuring me this time, with complete sincerity of what he is saying he’ll do. So, knowing all too damn well by this point that the probability err likeliness of this time being any different from each of the last times is slim to none.. Therefore, it’s beyond highly doubtful that MyDude is guna ultimately choose to simply invest, even the teensiest amount of himself into MY happiness n well being. But I hold onto the hope within the possibility n giving him the opportunity to completely fuck me off in the same exact way all over again n wait, watching in hopes of any kinda sign that this was really it this time afterall. Damn, fuckin a, man, how embarrassingly pathetic, ykno? Shit man, fuck! Ugh! But yea, so.. the next time we spent with her was last night. She whined some dramatic shit about Dre being a dick to her n fucking her off n over n ’ leaving (her) for dead ’ so I immediately discussed the whole bit with MyDude n confirmed his solid promised word before hitting her back to say we r on the way to swoop her. She was right back at it from the very millisecond she entered into our presence. MyDude obviously wasnt all in err fully committed, if you will, but there was a definite improvement on his part none the less which lead to my overall choice to cut him some slack while enjoying the legitimate progress he’s made despite that we were most definitely not completely in the clear just yet, by any means. But I bit my tongue n stayed smiling anyways. It was late already as we picked her up so we were all together back at the pad for a very short legnth of time before we MyDude and I said goodnight n made our way to our bedroom together. We slept in uncommonly late the next day (today) ultimately leaving Jackie out in the garage until late this afternoon lol MyDude was quick to agree as I asked him to go wake her up as I finished up getting myself ready to head out to the clinic, taking n dropping Jackie off where she needed on the way. I mean, yes, I did ask him if he would please wake her so I could finish getting ready.. that’s completely true. BUT MyDude didn’t have to accept err agree. Not by any means. I mean, even tho we have not experienced this particular issue with each of our roles reversed like, I haven’t had to make any of the specific promises that he has had to make to keep me yet in the same situation vice versa, I would have automatically replied back to him saying, ’ no, he’s a guy, you wake him up, please?! If it was a girl I’d do it for the same reason of respect n loyalty but I’d totally appreciate it if you would handle the one on one kinda stuff whenever it’s another dude that we are kicking it with, ykno? Im not trying to make you mad or refuse to help you out when you specifically asked me to but I just think it’d be much more worth it to handle this this way, ykno? Is that okay? && Is there another way I can help you out right now? ’ .. all I’m saying is that there is absolutely no valid reason that MyDude wouldn’t be able to reply to me in a similar nature, right? Right. N the way that I see it, if he truly felt for me as he so consistently swears up n down to, then he should, naturally keeping me in his mind, find himself identifying the specific things I have talked to him about, afterwards, in real life, ykno? N when such situations arise again, he should be making a legit point to be handling everything differently then before in efforts of improving overall, to benefit me and my life n my overall well being. But whatever.. all in all, he chose to promptly agree to wake her as I asked n went right out n did it. Staying silent as he came back into our bedroom with me. Soon after that we were all back in our usual seats in my mom’s whip, dipping out to drop her off wherever on our way to the clinic together. As we made our way onto the freeway the song I Got 5 On It began playing on the station my lazy ass had left the radio on focusing moreso on finishing my makeup. As the song played I remembered the last time that we were making the same drive around the same time of day with Jackie n Dre, and how Jackie had made an obvious attempt to ’ unintentionally’ showoff how she knows all of the words to the whole song, as it’s a classic crowd pleaser, no doubt. She wanted to impress MyDude, having just recently run her first 'music match made in heaven’ bit on him right in front of my face. I mentioned out loud to him that I’d noticed how the song had played last time we were driving to drop her off n MyDude agreed without saying much but obviously thinking deeply in his head, sitting silent to my left. He soon began bursting out in little fits of laughter and Jackie would echo each and everytime without fail, n he continued to add little bitsof commentery with his laughter, that quickly let me know that the radio station had censored the song, slaughtering the lyrics up with super funny alternative lines n rhymes. So he and Jackie listened intently to the song, laughing together at every last little change as I stayed quiet, not knowin all of the words, thus not knowing when to laugh.. just stuck being left out while MyDude makes a point of obviously silently telling the braud who’s been crushing on him, that he likes and knows all the words to that song too n sits listening to keep on laughing with her over n over again, right in front of my face even though he’d just recently assured, promised, swore n even confirmed to me to reject her while reppin his love, respect n loyalty with me, remember? Yea.. && I knew the probability of this kinda outcome but I still held onto that stupid little hope within possibility, ykno? Ugghh!

Oh && also.. we still haven’t had sex again yet. Last time was early morning of 3/14 … N it’s now April 28th, fuuuck man. How pathetically embarrassing on my part, right? Shit man, fuck.. ugh. *sigh*

[Friday.April.28.2017…855pm]