#but man fuck the art in ths show though

[hunterbunter3000]

HIIII SO i have an ask

PLEASR MORE ABOUT THE WOMB TATTO WITH 141 IM OBSESSED 😭😭❤️

EHEHEH SINCE YOU ASKED SO NICELYYYY

Sweetheart gets more comfortable around her team that she wears shorter shirts now. She still wears long sleeves though, they haven't unlocked the tattoo sleeves she has LOL (I'm drawing all the tattoos she has and I can't WAIT TO SHOW YALL)

But she shows off her✨️ ICONIC✨️ yummy, womb tattoo constantly. Sometimes, even when she's training, she'll wear a compression shirt that she cuts. (Rookies don't know what to feel lol)

Soap dubs it his tattoo, Sud's Tattoo as he calls it, because he can't get enough of it. And he has to wrestle off Roach and König when he lays on it

Soap: BACK AFF YE FOOLS THIS IS MY TATTOO

Sweetheart, laying on the couch: Soap--

König: IT IS NOT YOURS GET OFF OF HER

Roach, stomping his feet: 😠 🥾💥🥾💥🥾💥

Soap: ROACH SHUT TH' FUCK UP YE TWO ALWAYS GET TAE DO THIS

Sweetheart, stressed: what the hell is happening--

Soap REALLY likes the tattoo 💀as I said, he's obsessed with it (like you, kiame HA) Everytime Sweets comes out with a cropped shirt, he fucking ZOOMS to the tattoo and just snuggles his cheek against it

Soap, smiling and sighing: Good morningggg~! I missed you, Bonnie.

Sweetheart: Are you talkin' to me or my tattoo?

Soap, opening his eyes:

Soap: uhm

He DEFINITELY talks to it sometimes

Soap: And how are YOU doing today, Bonnie?

Sweetheart, smiling: I'm doing good thank you- why is your face on my tattoo.

Soap: Because... I was talking to Bonnie...

Sweetheart:

Sweetheart, kinda offended: AM I NOT BONNIE ANYMORE??

Soap: UHM

I mean he just loves it so much. Seeing such a sexy design on rich, golden brown skin so low on a wonderful body... it's enchanting. He's not the only one who thinks that. He argues with Ghost alot on who likes it more, but they always agree when they team up on Sweetheart.

18+ MDNI

"Ghost, please..."

Ghost hums on her soft pussy, tongue swirling on her chubby lips. He kisses and sucks on them, thin strings of saliva connected to his chin and mouth. "Please what, love?" He eyes her as his fingers spread her open and glides his tongue slowly up, all the way to her pulsing clit and making her jolt. Soap groans on her skin, kissing each detail on her womb tattoo. "Y'need to speak up, St. Can't know what to do if ye'r tae wheesht." His hands travel up her sides, caressing and scratching her skin. Marking it as his.

Ghost sighs. "In English, Mactavish." He's getting tired of not understanding what the Scottish man is saying half the time. Soap grumbles, lips still attached to her tummy. "Simon..." Sweetheart whines out, hips squirming and eyes prickling with tears. The two men chuckle, knowing what she wants but not giving it to her quickly enough. Ghost reigns himself back, the lust and desire getting too hot for him when she whined out his name like that. He wanted to fuck her right then and there, but not yet.

"Say what you need, Sweetheart." Ghost mumbles, his tone low and caring. Hungry. His thumb does small circles on her clit, making her yelp, back arching off the bed and thighs squeezing Ghost's head to which he loves it. "Please! Please let me cum! I need-- I need it, please!" Sweetheart wails, overwhelming tears flow down her cheeks as her hand buries in Soap's hair and pulls. Soap's broken moan was heard by both of them, but his lips would not leave her tattoo. Teeth nibbling on the black ink, tongue sliding up to her bellybutton. He comes up for air finally, a lazy smile on his face. "Since we both agreed on liking this," his hand smooths over his tattoo on her body. "Beautiful piece of art, Lt., I think it's time we gave our Sweetheart what she deserves, aye?" Ghost grunts as he comes up from her legs and places a kiss on the tattoo, causing Sweetheart to mewl. "I think it is, Mactavish." Ghost says, both his and Soap's eyes turn dark and starved.

🧍‍♀️🧍‍♀️ ANYWAY

YEAH EVERYONE STILL LIKES IT LMAO

[aristocratic-otter]

20 questions for fic writers!

Thank you @artsyunderstudy for the tag!

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

28, though one was a round robin where I only wrote one of the chapters.

2. What’s your total AO3 word count?

838, 380. Subtracting Birthday Man (the round robin fic), I've written, by myself, 799, 248. I'm not surprised. I'm not good at brevity. (And I have over a hundred thousand words in unpublished fics right now 😅)

3. What fandoms do you write for?

Only Carry On, though I've made a habit of sticking Simon and Baz into fandom loves of my youth.

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

Oh, Have You Seen The Fairies Dance, my CORB from two years ago, writing to art by @krisrix. 562 Kudos

Playing With Fire, Treading Thin Ice, my pinch-hit CORB, also from two years ago (I sense a trend), writing to art by @steppjes. 453 kudos

Back To Start, my Simon youthens Baz into a baby fic, 447 kudos

A Fucked Up Cinderella Story, a Simon as escort fic, and my first collaboration with my dear friend (and a brilliant artist), @frjsti. 339 kudos.

A Real Doll, my first real PWP (ok, it sort of has a plot) (a very thin one), written for @captain-aralias's Monster Under the Bed Fest, 331 kudos.

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

Yes! It means a lot to me to hear how folk enjoyed my work, and I appreciate how much effort it takes to reach out sometimes, so I want to show my appreciation. I should be better at commenting myself!

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

Readers nearly burned me at the stake over my ending to The Blue and The Gray, where Simon rides away with his Union troop, leaving Baz behind at his plantation home. Even the 'happy ending' epilogue I wrote, to get them back together, is bittersweet, because Simon is damaged from the war and it will be a long road to recovery (or at least the length of the Oregon Trail 😉) (If you know, you know).

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

I only do happy endings, but, like Ashton, I tend towards angst a lot of the time. So I think that my most meaningful happy ending is in New Year, New Me, which takes Simon and Baz literal to the end, of their long lives together (with a gorgeous song written by @moodandmist and @cutestkilla!)

8. Do you get hate on fics?

Not yet! I've gotten a few corrections, which I honestly don't mind. I'd rather be corrected than leave a glaring error in a fic. I agree with Ashton, this is an incredibly kind fandom.

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

Uh <looks side to side shiftily> yes? Like, a lot? It's funny, because I'm ace, but I find all the ways humans can relate to one another through sex fascinating, even if I don't need those things for myself. I'd say I write mostly bonding through sex? Occasional fucking just 'cause it's fun, but mostly soulful, loving sex.

10. Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve written?

Not crossovers precisely, (I don't mix in characters from other fandoms) but I'm extremely guilty of throwing SnowBaz into any story, show, or movie I've loved and putting them through their paces:

The Watford Games: Simon and Baz in a Hunger Games Scenario

The White Chapel: Simon replacing Olivia Newton John in the movie Xanadu

The Snow Fox: (unfinished) Simon as the Francis Marion Character in the old Disney TV show, the Swamp Fox.

Episode 2: The Naked Next, (gift fic for @raenestee) (I blame this one on @facewithoutheart), Simon and Baz in the Star Trek Universe.

and, Stars, Flowers, and Children, an unpublished (part done) fic set in the universe of the movie the Blue Lagoon, and To Heal a Broken Mind, an unpublished (nearly finished) fic set in a scenario similar to the TV show House MD.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Fingers crossed, but no, I don't think so. Probably hard to pass off a seventy thousand word fic as your own that you just popped up with out of nowhere.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

Nope

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

Only the round robin fic, Birthday Man, where each of several fic writers wrote a chapter for Simon's birthday celebration, and the Star Trek Universe fic, The Naked Next (linked above). But I'd definitely give co-writer credit to many of the fandom artists I've worked with, because their work either inspired my words, or they even helped guide the evolution of the fic in the background. I especially have to give credit to @krisrix, @ivelovedhimthroughworse, @frjsti, and @artsyunderstudy for being brilliant at helping me flesh out the fics they did art for!

14. What’s your all time favorite ship?

Gee. Bet you can't guess.

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

This is a tough one because I've (so far) never not finished a fic I've committed to (I've got a few paragraphs of a few random ideas in my files, but nothing I ever advertised or put much effort into). But I'm also perpetually in the middle of at least five or six fics, so leaving one dangling remains possible, even if I desperately hope it won't happen. I guess I'll mention Westward Son here, because though it ought to be finished in the next couple of weeks, it took me two fucking years to get there!

16. What are your writing strengths?

I don't get writer's block. I think my habit of fic jumping helps with this; if one fic is dragging, I can spend more time on another until words start to flow for the first one again. I do force myself to write at least a sentence every couple of days, even on the draggy fics, though. I think I'm decent at characterization? Especially Simon, because I identify with his way of thinking a lot. I also think I'm decent at giving the reader a strong visual of what's going on in a scene (hopefully).

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

Plot and tech. I can write plot, but not snappy, quickly resolved ones. For me to find my way to the end of a plot usually takes several thousand words. And that's a weakness, not being able to write short. I don't know how to be interesting in small bites, I guess. And tech: I'm intimidated by incorporating modern tech like social media, etc. in my fics. I always feel like I can't format it correctly or make it look/sound realistic enough, so I tend to avoid fic ideas that are tech based, like text fics or social media fics. Aaaaand now I'm writing a fic based in Tiktok, a platform I do NOT know well. Pray for me.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

I've done it once (in The Blue and The Gray), but I'm nervous about it. I think I'm afraid of misinterpreting a connotation of a word or phrase. I researched extensively for the Spanish lullaby in The Blue and the Gray, and even the Greek and Latin phrases in Back to Start and The Watford Games. I don't mind it in fics, so long as the meaning isn't integral to the scene (like using French swears in a fic set in French Canada) (@bazzybelle, I'm looking at you!). If the meaning is integral, I tend to prefer the translations be not far away (like at the end of the fic), but rather just a few lines down (like at the end of a chapter), because it's frustrating having to jump back and forth to get meaning from what I'm reading.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

CSI, on fanfic.net. But I only wrote one fic. Don't look for it. I didn't have this username and I'm not interested in reliving that part of my life 😆

20. Favorite fic you’ve written?

I think it will always be Back to Start (linked above). I still love the premise and it was the first fic that made me feel like a real writer. You don't forget that feeling. It's my baby.

How about, instead of tagging folk, you consider yourself tagged if you're one of the many people I mentioned above? 😂

[sugoi-writes]

HELLO!!! I saw the smut ask game u rb'd and also would stab numerous people for your writing so. i figured i could send in a letter or two if u were willing >.<

but first,,, do u have a list of hellaverse ships u ship so i can know what to request? pls and thank you for ur time 🙏

Oh!!! Hello, dear friend! ❤️ No worries, you're not a bother at all! My ask box is barren, and it is open anytime ❤️

I ship most anything, within reason, honestly! Here's a few I like off the top of my head, and some reasons why:

Chaggie- Sweet, sweet lesbians, like my wife and I. Need i say more???

Huskerdust- Th-The dynamic??? The way that Husk just-- LETS Angel know to be himself, his REAL self??? The way they look at each other? The way they show consent while dancing??? I have SO many feelings-- THEY. ARE. PRECIOUS. They are my Endgame

RadioApple- SO MUCH ANGSTY POTENTIAL! But also... so, so, sexy. Angry, bickering old men, who both love Charlie and one upping each other. Like water and oil. They don't mix well, but when they do... MAN. HOT. (Lillith and Luci are obviously still awesome to me)

AdamsApple- I've seen IRRATIONALLY hot art for this ship. 10/10, would ship again. Sue me.

LuteXAdam- WOULD be endgame if Adam didn't die. NEXT--

One-sided RadioStatic- MORE ANGST. But also, I just love the idea of Vox being a scorned ex/lover, who is helplessly obsessed with his ex. I also love the idea of Alastor using this to his advantage, and getting a thrill out of driving his ex CRAZY. Can ALSO be steamy. Serious hate-fuck vibes. Vibes I can't deny are dangerously hot.

Radiodust(?)- I'm cool with it! I don't see it ever becoming a thing, and I think Huskerdust has so much more chemistry, but I see the appeal! If only for opposites attract!

Charlastor- I SEE THE VISION... But also love Chaggie so much. Ugh. There is serious room for chemistry though.

RadioRose- LISTEN-- I see this more through a queer-platonic lense: BUT THESE. TWO. ROT. MY TEETH. They could be so adorable!!! They compliment each other! loads of chemistry and similarities!!! This is one of the fluffiest of ships I enjoy, just for the sake of something sweet! Same goes for MimzyXAlastor! But mostly due to the art of @bananadramaaa (seriously, go check out that art, THE WAY THAT MIMZY AND ALASTOR LOOK? UGH 😫💦)

For Helluva Boss...

M&Ms- BOOM. DONE. LOVE THE DYNAMIC. Reminds me a lot of my wife and I. I related to Milly SO much in the episode where they lead a sting operation together. UGH. SO CUTE--

Stolitz- Why, of course. Now, they definitely need to sort through some shit-- YES. but I love them. I hope we see a rekindling in the next season, or I will simply DIE

Luna, Vortex, Bee Throuple- I mean, goth girl, scene girl, and punk/metal head? Yep. I'd smash that like button.

Verosika and Barbie Wire- YOU CANT TELL ME THERE WASNT SOME SHENANIGANS HERE-- EVEN REVENGE FUCKING--

OzzyXFizz- ALSO remind me so much of me and my wife. The way they fold for each other??? Honestly, the most developed, wholesome, non-toxic ship in the Hellaverse, imo. I love them. LOVE THEM.

OctaviaXLuna- Platonic buddies! I don't like the age difference, but could see them being the best of buds. They would have the best time at the Hellaverse's HotTopic.

StrikerXBlitzo- Closest thing I think to a problematic ship... had Striker been more persuasive, or Blitzo less in love with Stolas... I could see these two horn dogs working out. If exclusively for a friends-with-benefits situation.

So yeaaaaah... honestly, most anything goes! As long as it's not straight up incest, I can see the vision. Write/ask away, dear sweet Anon! 👈😎👈

[miutonium]

I can't sleep because i am lowkey nervous about tomorrow but also I just want to show yall basically my art progress (in terms of rendering) in the spam of 1 year contracting Utonium brainrot hhhh it's so surreal to see how different both of them looked like ahaha

(for guide, first pic to last, 1st week july 2021>3rd week july 2021>21st Nov 2021>9th Apr 2022)

Also witness me talking about each journey of my progress undercut lol

I cAN TOTALLY EXPLAIN THE FIRST 2 PICS. The first one is exactly from a year ago when my brainrot just started and I was like "well fuck I guess I have a new f/o now". If you ever see or feel familiar about the first art even though you prooooobably never see it,

its because it was an original picture for this redraw a few months AFTER that pic

Also if you notice, the art style for that one is totally different from others and shhh the reason it was like that is because initially I want to draw them in my actual artstyle around that time and I dont want it to follow the same artstyle like in the show. My friend said Utonium kinda reminds them of that guy from clo.udy wi th a ch.ance of meatb.alls and im like "oH SHITTT". There's more drawings of Utonium pre-brainrot era with this kind of artstyle in my folder but I don't think the world is ready for that yet lol

Anyway as I progresses to the 2nd pic, I changed my mind and was like "wait I actually WANT them to look like they're in PPG and not my own artstyle" so I slowly draw both of them to look more like the ppg style if you understand what I mean??? Althoughhhh in the 2nd pic I still want him to look a bit like my own style with my own touch and despite how much I don't like the reboot, I actually like his gray hair on his sideburns??? So if yall remember that phase and followed me from way way in the early days of this blog, I used to draw Utonium with those streaks before I gradually stopped doing that because of.... actually idk why I stopped??? I should totally add the grays back because I love it actually lol but anywayyyyyy the 2nd pic was also around july too me think? So there's probably like a few weeks gap between the actual totally real not clickbait picture of Chloe and Utonium 'together'.

That was how my render looked like for a few months until november (the 3rd pic).

So in the 3rd pic, I discovered this very magical spectacular magnificent function on CSP called t E xt U r e and holy fuck, let me tell you, I feel like I am a changed person. I was never the cringe person with mediocre render like I was, this legit marked a cultural shift in me, I just feel like I've been blessed by god himself. I spammed the fUCK OUTTA THOSE TEXTURES like it was MY BUSINESS. i pAID CSP FOR FULL PRICE I HAVE EVERY RIGHT TO USE IT TO ITS FULL CAPABILITIES AND SQUEEZE IT OUT OF ALL IT'S WORTH. Although I must say, my render time after that significantly increases. By standard I used to render around 3 hours? Now this bitch took 6 fuckin hours to completely. It wasn't a daijobu era ngl 😔😔😔

And holy fuck do I have a fuckin field day with it. You think I was a changed man back then? I have ascended, I am now r e b o r n. My friends feared my, my peers stared at me, my teachers are baffled by the amount of brainrot I drew at that time. How am I real?

I rendered like that for around 4 months until I discovered something even more cooler:

B L E N D I N G M O D E

Okay jk but hhh anyway for my current render; it's kinda more like an accidental discovery? I wanted to look for ways to cut render time because it was really tiring for me to render with a fuckton of texture layers and I also wanted to emulate my fav artist's render style soooo bad (it was luoman if anyone asked) and I kinda figured out how they did it? I mean they still do it better but like I was really inspired to be like them and lemme tell you, I cried for 3 days 3 nights unpaid vacation time when I figured it out. I wasn't kidding when I say I feel like I am a new person. I am quite pessimistic tbh, I'm insecure about my art but like this is the first time in like 3 years ever I feel like I did a major progress and I feel really good.

Why did I made this post? I actually dont feel good about myself, maybe because I am nervous about my test tomorrow and I just need a quick mood boost from myself. I don't believe I did any progress. But now, after typing all of my thoughts at 3 am, after I just put art phases of my braunrot together, kinda believe I actually did progress and I am proud of myself ;w;

[papirouge]

lol your post about men saying shit like "theres no better enemy for women than women" is so true. Like men literally bitch and moan about other men too.

I sometimes lurk in communities of male lolcows, who usually have a much larger male fanbase (or male hatedom) and the men there are ruthless. Like they make fun of their appearances, their work and art, the way they talk or emote, how they get angry or sad and so on. Like literally every single detail. And many times, these lolcows used to be popular in their youth but degraded in some way, so their haters are mostly middle aged men, so no, its not only teenage boys being inmature and trolling.

Like some guys are made fun of for being fat, others for having receding hairlines, others for being too short, or just being ugly in general. Theres a guy whos constantly made fun for having a weird shaped leg. Its literally incredible.

Also, a lot of them are called autistic, usually as an insult, due to how they behave. An interesting thing I found out its that many people who use autist as an insult are autists themselves, they just like to feel superior to these lolcows because they're "higher functioning" or more succesful. Many use the word retard too, and I even seeing mongoloid used.

I think the only reason why women are stereotyped like this, but men aren't even though they behave similarly (and id say men are actually more cruel) its because men are seen as individuals and women as a group. Its kinda like when a boy is bad at math and people just assume its just him, but when its a girl its like "wow girls suck at math." Or when there are news like of a man raping and killing women and people are like "humans are so fucked up" even though this is mostly a male phenomenon. Like men can be as catty and drama seeking as women are, most people just fail to see the same patterns and behaviours because theyre considered the "average/base human".

Yeah, men are ruthless between each other. When I was in middle school, guys in my class were making fun of a boy tank top... saying that it wasn't masculine, or whatever.

They'll also leverage that cruelty to emotionally manipulate women saying "we don't talk enough of male depression". Of course, they won't say that men depression isn't taken seriously because men are the specialist in downplaying emotional struggle (and no, male being depressed for being virgin at 25 doesn't count). I mean, look at them clowning male victim of (sexual) abuse...and then act like victim when male victims are not talked about enough and blame women(?!) for that.

Men have seen what feminism has done for women, and instead of taking the lucid resolution of doing the same for themselves and try to improve & raise awareness about male centric issues, they behave like jealous spoiled children, and act like the positive outcome of feminism came out of thin air, that women were just naturally privileged (when women FOUGHT to have the "privilege" they now have).... And yet, those same men more often than not expect women's involvement in uplifting men - like constantly debating women's only organization legitimacy and complaining about how they do nothing for men....when literally nothing stops men doing the same. They just naturally feel entitled to female labor.

Men project A LOT of their insecurities onto women, anyway.

The "you'll die alone and live with 30 cats" trope? objective reality shows that (older) men are more desperate for companionship. Dating app are dominated by men. Clubs are usually free for women because men are outnumbering them.

"Women are bad driver" => stats show that most car accident are caused by men.

"Women peak at 25" => the age of first marriage is increasing. Men are just seething because women realize their options and won't marry with the first bum that will propose. And the more women will realize they have options, the most men will have to compete to women's emotional & sexual access. They refuse to let that happen.

One thing that is extremely funny and telling about, men, is that they will have no problem with statistically evidence as long as it comes to race, with them joking about the 13%, lumping a whole race into behavioral traits.....but the moment women do the same with criminal stats and simply acknowledge that men champion to a disproportional rate sexual crimes and violent crime, they'll lose their mind, be like "HOW DARE YOU LUMPING ALL MEN AS CRIMINALS??!!1!1!1" ....when these idiots had no problem doing the same through a racial lense.... Which, hilariously, still have MEN championing crime for every race, so they are failing to disprove what women say 💀

[whore-4-fictional-characters]

Little Dove

Thud..Thud…Thud..

The sound of my heart hammering against my chest. Little beads of sweat covering my body. My eyes darting around the room, scanning my surroundings. A Empty, dim lit room, nothing other than a simple side table filled with what any sane person would know is torture devices. A simple door in front of me, light comes from underneath. My Fingers fumbling to untie the ropes that bind them to the back of a icy metal chair. Fuck! I breathed out In a huff. My body freezing up, as the door swings open. “Hello Sweetheart” the man standing in-front of me says, a low chuckle rising from his throat. “I’ve heard a lot about you Ms. Luna” his eyes sink down to meet mine. Removing the gag stuffed into my mouth, bending to meet face to face.

“Now, I want to know every detail on how all of my highly skilled, viciously trained men were killed in minutes? By a mutt and his little bitch!” He stared into my eyes, demanding an answer. Refusing to cooperate, he signaled for Rus, his steroid hyped jockey . I knew what was coming next. Rus came into view “Yes Hugo?” Rus questioned his boss. “Teach this little girl how she should speak to her superiors” he laughed out as Rus came forward smirking at me like I am food about to be devoured. My body feels the hits before I hear the sounds of his fist connecting with my skin. Bruise’s littering my body like fine art, blood drips from my mouth and nose combining together in a steady pour. “Wait Rus” Hugo pauses “Willing to speak now you little brat?” Grabbing my face to look up at him. I stayed mute. “Alright then, Rus another round” He laughs sinisterly walking back, but before he could step out of Rus’s way I spoke, “Okay! Okay I’ll tell you ! I’ll tell you.” I pant out “The reas-“ deep breath “The reason your men were so easily killed, is because they are-“ I hesitated before finishing “they are a bunch of fucking pussy’s just like you and your jockey, and they were stupid and thought they could take him, just like you Fucking idiots” I gathered as much blood as I could in my mouth and spit it in his face cackling as I did.

“YOU STUPID BITCH” Hugo lunged at me grabbing my hair and yanking as he yelled “YOU THINK YOU WILL GET AWAY WITH TH-“ his words cut off by the screams of his men over the radio. I start laughing uncontrollably. I know I look like a crazed maniac, good! “Why are you laughing you dumb cunt?” Hugo questioned angrily. Bangs and screams make their way up the halls, into the room. Hugo looked to the door and back at me. “He’s here and you two-“ nodding between the two men “-are fucked” I continue to laugh as they load their guns and back away from the door . Quickly I jump to my feet grabbing Rus’s gun aiming it to his head. “How did-“ he started “Rule one boys, don’t underestimate a woman, especially a psycho” I smirked as the door swung open reviling him. My Bird. My lover boy. Jake Fucking Webber. “Hiya little Dove” he spoke god his voice and that little smirk sent chills up my spine. “Enough! Silence you freaks” Hugo screamed while pointing his gun at Jake. Uh oh, big mistake Dickhead. “Why must you get yourself into these silly situations Little Dove?” Jake asked me “I Said shu-“ Hugo’s sentence cut short ….or should I say sliced short . Jake’s knife slung and ripped his life from his body. God so fucking hot. “I’m sorry Bird, you know I love the thrill” I squealed while pulling my trigger, Rus’s blood splashing me In The face . I giggled in pure Ecstasy. “Any more down stairs bird?” I questioned “No darling, looks like I had all the fun this time” slightly disappointed I whined “what about me though puddin?”

Taking three long strides over to me , Jake grabbed my face and connected our lips, blood smearing into our mouths mixing into our taste. I groaned at the taste of his tongue, earning a squeeze as his hands traveled to my ass. “Did you miss me Little dove?” He spoke into my lips. “Mhm” I moaned . “Show me” I gasped as he yanked my hair back, kissing down my neck. I whimpered from the loss of touch and he leans down and grabs his blade from Hugo’s throat.

swiftly slicing the tight, torn and bloody dress off of my body. “Turn around and prove you missed me Dove” he growled in my ear. I turned over and pushed the tray of weapons off the side table. Jake then pushed me over and yanked my hair back . Whispering in his beautifully rasp voice “I’m going to fuck that pretty cunt into oblivion, I am going to make you beg for my cock over and over, and when you’ve finally had enough and think you couldn’t possibly cum anymore, I’m going to fill your cock drunk little pussy up with my release and eat our beautiful mess right out of you. Do you understand Little dove” he places the knife to my center and his hand around my neck. “Yes Daddy” I plead to him.

[carriagelamp]

Spent a lot of time reading outside in the sun this month, which is, of course, the ultimate bliss of summer. Under the tree, by the lake, while camping, next to the creek...

Blacksad

Blacksad is a crime noir story following the titular private investigator in the 1950s, though with anthropomorphized animals rather than humans. Like an adult version of Zootopia. I picked up this omnibus of the first three volumes because I was in the middle of playing the PS4 game and quite enjoying the world it laid out, though I ended up having mixed feelings about the series as a whole. It explores some complicated issues of American society during the 1950s, like racism, fascism, and nuclear armament, and since the creators are both Spanish rather than American themselves I liked the sort of outside perspective. It laid things bare in a way that you don’t always get from other works. 

That being said, some of the issues definitely hit weird, the stories often felt like they were trying to tackle more than they had space to actually tell, and the way they portray women is just absolute shit. It’s one of those “the men definitely Are Animals and the women Have A Lil Nose And Maybe Some Non-Descript Animals Ears”. It made the sex scenes VERY uncomfortable, to have a Definite Animal and a Definite Human. 

Still, the art itself is almost able to redeem all other faults.

Demon Slayer 5,6

I continue along with this series, which follows Tanjiro as he travels with his demon-turned sister, trying to find a cure and develop his skills as a demon slayer, to get revenge on the monsters that killed their family. I still like the premise, there’s something very pure about it, like a platonic ideal of shonen, and Tanjiro is a delight. These last two books though I found a bit more lackluster. Also we have entered Character Have Just The Weirdest Design that a lot of shonen seem to hit sooner or later.

Dennis the Menace: To The Core

Stumbled across this while cleaning and had to stop everything to read it. One of those cute classics you just can’t go wrong with. It's simple but always cute.

Grandmaster of Demonic Cultivation 2

This series owns my soul. I am currently reading the third and trying to make it last because I will be going insane while I wait for the fourth book which doesn’t come out til WINTER. Wei Wuxian and Lan Wanji are complete fucking morons and I love them with my entire heart. This book was a little rough for deep, long sections of backstory that followed other characters. While I did technically enjoy those sections and I liked the characters in them, they often ended up feeling VERY long. I would have liked for them to have been a bit more interspersed with the actual protagonists. Still, I’m loving the lore and the world and the politics… ending of book 2 had me absolutely losing my shit.

and listen, adult novels that still give you full page illustrations? I'm a simple person and I love this.

Grease

Okay, so I am a sucker for a well done novelization. This is not that. I have never seen an author fail to understand their assignment so badly. This person has framed the story so that SONNY, a random T-Bird, is the narrator. You know, everyone’s favourite character. This also means it EXCLUSIVELY shows the POV of the T-Birds, and absolutely nothing about the Pink Ladies or Sandy except for when they intercept the T-Birds, and layered through Sonny’s sexist narrative. It honestly sucks so incredibly much. I did not finish this and was tempted to toss it in the river.

Haikyu 42-45

I! HAVE! FINISHED! THE! SERIES! Man, I can’t think of many manga that made me read for fourty fucking volumes but Haikyu managed it. Absolutely phenomenal sports manga, the way this author was able to follow so many different characters and make you really care about their development and struggles… absolutely masterful. And not just the main character, not just the main team, this manga-ka did a really fantastic job of placing you into the POV of other teams and I think that went a long way for keeping the series feeling fresh and exciting. And every time a character you cared about got better it felt like such a success! Admittedly, the last few volumes, which showed the post-high school lives of the characters, were not my favourite ending ever. Having the characters fail to win the Spring Tournament, as cliche as that may have been, took a lot of the wind from my sails and I never really got it back. The final match in the last book was enjoyable, seeing how Hinata has grown into a truly superb player was epic, and I love the peek at the Olympics, but it didn’t have the magic that the rest of the series had for me.

Love Stage

Disappointing. I’ve read a lot of other books by this author and have always really enjoyed them. I usually don’t by yaoi sight-unseen these days because I don’t trust like that, but I decided to give it a go because this author has never steered me wrong. This one, unfortunately did. It had funny moments, but the squickiness completely overpowered everything else. Would not recommend, unless you really enjoyed a very specific, standard yaoi format that was common in like… the mid-naughts.

Neon Sign Amber

Now this one was good. I had to read it in French because it never got an English translation, but it was worth the weirdness of having a French-English dictionary next to me while I read smut. It was a charming single book story with really nice art. If anything, I wouldn’t have minded another book just because the ending felt a bit rushed — one character has a lot of baggage about people knowing he’s gay, and the other is only just coming to terms with his sexuality, so seeing how these two adults navigate an actual relationship would have been very interesting. Are they open about it? What sort of road bumps do they have to sort out together? I dunno, I had more questions, but what it gave me was still very nice.

Toilet-Bound Hanako-kun 1,2

…Okay, I’ll be honest, I read the name, made some VERY specific assumptions, and pointedly avoided this manga. My cousin decided to actually read the back though and that’s how I found out my assumptions were wrong and it’s actually pretty cute. It’s about a “Hanako-san” ghost… which is normally a girl ghost, though not in this case. He helps keeps the other mysteries of the school in check, and ends up getting a human girl wrapped up in the local supernatural activity. It feels like a slightly more childish xxxHolic which isn’t an itch I ever expected to have scratched by another series, so that’s exciting.

What Did You Eat Yesterday 1

Just a cute domestic romance that’s all framed around the meals one of the main characters cooks. It has middle aged characters, which is a nice change from a lot of romances/yaoi, with more adult dilemmas to work through. And each chapter dedicates several loving pages to walking you through exactly what’s being cooked, to the point where I’m pretty sure you could cook along with the main character if you wanted. It was lovely.

[vt-scribbles]

✨️🎶💖🎯 for the writing ask game!♡

✨ Give you and your writing a compliment. Go on now. You know you deserve it. 😉

Okay SO. I'm really good at painting animated pictures inside a reader's head. I've got fun and likeable characters. I'm REALLY good at painting establishing shots and scenery. I think I have fun transitions sometimes, and I'd like to think I can be pretty funny when I want to be! Not like 'bust a gut' funny, but 'delighted snickering' funny.

🎶 Do you listen to music while you write? What song have you been playing on loop lately?

>> Answered here! &lt;<

💖 What made you start writing?

Ohhh man... that's a pretty long answer. I guess the short version is simply: I liked painting pictures in my head. And on top of that, just like how I started drawing, I wanted to Tell Stories. I saw all the animated shows around me, the manga I read as a teen, and the mysteries I read... and I wanted to make what they had. I wanted to make stories that made me feel like I did as a kid when reading something for the first time. Unfun fact though: When I first started writing in sophomore year of highschool, I asked my english teacher for feedback, and she silently read my story's first chapter [which was admittedly, not good] and then basically told me to give up writing, and that 'you'll never get anywhere with it.' And of course after being crushed for a bit I went 'fuck you' and decided to prove her wrong. I continued writing and roleplaying and developing my story-telling skills out of spite. Nowadays I consider myself a perfectly serviceable author when I have someone to work off of.

Fullmetal Alchemist was the true starting point of my art and writing career, when I was 16. I started off my true artist/author's path with one goal. "I want to create a story that people want to binge all in one go like I just did with this anime."

And... fourteen years later, I've done that. And past-me would be so proud and in disbelief.

🎯 Have any of your readers accurately guessed major plot points? Care to share which?

OH MAN...... WHERE DO I START LMAO. There's a few beta-readers in particular who are ABSOLUTELY CRACKED at theorycrafting and catching onto me and Corrie's writing for The Harvester. It started with simple things like 'X character is gonna blow up at X character' and stuff like that. But nowadays? TH has gotten SO complex compared to its starting arcs that the theorycrafting has gotten WILD.

As far as sharing which ones have been predicted... oh man. I gotta be vague since some people haven't read TH yet. Sooo... A major plot point abt Topaz. A major plot point abt Hemmi. The Big Thing that happened to Tita. Something in the future that happens with Blue Diamond. Hell... a couple friends of mine are so cracked that they have predicted the entire plot [with at least 80% accuracy] and they have no idea.~ And if you're reading this and you know who you are...... have fun with that info.

The Harvester is STILL ongoing [and will be for years to come], so I can't share too much... but JUST last night a friend of mine was staring at the Hematites' designs and finally put something together that I've been waiting 7 YEARS for someone to notice. And now I'm going to leave this here and let anyone who knows/reads TH wonder wtf it was ;3 [Hint: it hasn't become relevant YET, but it will by the end of arc 7.]

[ask6mukuro9]

NO THEY CANT HES 15

phrasing (visual)

she should kill and divorce him. in that order. the only way for iemitsu to be redeemed is to become an epic diivorce man

IDK WHY THS IS SO FUNY TO ME. GOKUDERA IS SERIOUSLY THE FUNNIEST CHARACTER

say whatever you want about akira amano’s writing (and i will) but she does seriously have the coolest looking art. she always dresses characters so coolly. gokudera is the biggest loser in the series but even he manages to look cool

yes sick fucking burn you moron. you showed that 14 year old whos boss. idiot

nevermind i changed my mind he is my babygirl ♥ my little meow meow ♥

this is what squalo looks like to me ♥

all im saying ALL IM SAYING is that tsuna believes in and relies on yamamoto way more than any of the guardians. in a situation where strength and reliability were the only factors, tsuna would pick yamamoto 10 out of 10 times. with math homework though, he would pick gokudera

they are the same creature

sopping wet pathetic little thing  ♥

ech.. some other pathetic thing has shown up.. yuck.. get rid of it..

he also looks like a sopping wet cat but in an ugly way.. hes not cute at all...

[bdbdhdjdhdh]

My Hero PSLE: S4E2 "Helen and Ivan had to go and jia sai and mati themselves,"

"Scullyosis," (if you know you know)

-Rosa

So Xiao Ming and gang got to the city gates and were preparing to go in, but then the robot was like "FUCK NO! OUTSIDERS AIN'T GETTING NOWHERE!"

Ah shit. This again. Grandmaster, your turn.

Also yes you read that right. Robot. Apparently since the city gates aren't exactly opaque for some reason, if you peeked through them, you'd see the entire city is being run by robots.

Wah. Exuvia guy here is three generic dna pools ahead of us.

Anyway. So Grandmaster just hypnotised the programming of the robot, and soon it let it in.

What a weird programming. Why the hell wouldn't you allow outsiders in? It clearly isn't hostile because otherwise it would have shot them down or something.

It also didn't recognise Rainslasher as a citizen. It seems to allow no one to go in at all, citizen or not.

Wait-does that mean the citizens...don't have an option of going beyond the city walls?

Anyway now Rainslasher suddenly remember something. "Fu-our masks! Zhi Hua, summon hard masks covering the entire face for us, it should be completely white, leave two holes for the eyes, and one big smiley face across the mouthpart!"

"I have no idea what that means but I guess I'll summon it,"

And so he did and they walked around people's houses normally.

Eh, but the people quite nice leh. They said hi and offered tea and shit. Even though they're all wearing masks and shit, they seem quite nice-and also quite typical.

Cos they're all in families. All adults are already married, regardless of how young they are, and all kids have parents.

Like the dad is the classic "works an office/labour job, reads the newspaper, likes to drink coffee" etc.

And the moms are the classic "does the housework, cooks delicious food, scolds children" etc.

Even the children just look like typical children. Playing all day. Duh.

And the strangest part? No one seems to look different from the rest. No one has a birth defect or losing a limb or paralysed or even just in a different religion or anything-nothing, was different. Absolutely nothing.

And also not forgetting the fact that they literally end every sentence they say with: "Glory to the Heavenly Lord!"

So anyway they continued walking across the streets where all the houses are.

And then 本来好好的, then they suddenly hear a scream from behind them and they all turn to see what the hell is going on.

So there's this girl who has her leg half-destroyed and ripped apart by this beast thingy that is going to maul her apart too.

And then all the moms and dads all either ran away, or covered their kids' eyes first and then ran away.

The beast thingy...kinda looks like a lion and dragon crossbreed bro.

Anyway, of course Xiao Ming want to do something to save her, but now Kiefer berry smart, he say "WAIT NO! There's clearly something seriously wrong with this city, don't show that we're any different!"

Wah now he sibeh big brain sia.

Anyway they don't have to watch her get torn apart by the beast. Cos then some random guy accompanied by a few robot guards walked slowly and calmly up to the beast then.

Then he unsheathed his sword and with one strike, sliced the beast in half, and killed it.

Then he must do the crouching on the ground and sheathing it back like the cool anime husbando always do.

And then everyone around who didn't have time to run away yet, and everyone who was running suddenly stopped in their tracks, and immediately bowed down to the man, chanting: "Oh, great holy Heavenly Lord! Why art thou graced us filthy peasants with thy strength, glory and might?"

So of course, to fit in, Xiao Ming and gang also bow down.

Then the guy-the Exuvia, apparently- told them to silence, and then they all shut up at once.

Then he slowly approached the girl who was about to be mauled apart. She still lying on the ground, cos, ya know...her leg kena mati liao.

And then he knelt down to her, and asked her: "How's the leg? Do you think it can heal?" Aww, he quite sweet sia.

"Uh, no," The girl responded.

"Ah, that's a shame," Then he got up, unsheathed his sword again, and cut off the girl's neck.

"We don't want Uglies," he started to announce to the whole world loudly now, while everyone and Xiao Ming and gang is still bowing down to him, "now do we?"

[ranzal]

some of my favourite dragalia characters (Long post teehee)

ranzal: he's hot and i am a hoe for his character archetype

euden: i'm so glad they made him a real character because so many gacha games just make their main character a no one character but euden is a real, fully fleshed out character with flaws that have EXTREMELY DAMAGING consequences that we get to see a lot. for the other arc, he is so, so obsessed with saving zethia that he is fully willing to sacrifice himself and everyone else if it means she can live, and this ties into zena's struggle. in almost every single world, he does this. he lets the other possess him so that zethia is released, and then the other exploits the pacts that he has forged with the dragons, and kills euden's allies and ends the world. and even in the main story's timeline, he is Literally still about to do this, even aware of the fact that he did this a million, million times and it ended the same way every single time. and then even though he is stopped by beren's interference, there are still consequences, because all of his allies were there to watch him almost throw everything away and condemn them all to death. like Holy fuck dude. SO fascinating

zena: she is SO interesting her struggle with her own identity in a world that isn't her own and her bonds with everyone even knowing that it might not even bear fruit for saving her own was genuinely so well written. also the conclusion of her arc, with her finally returning to her own world to kill her brother of her world, was so good, and the art for it (blows up)

laxi: i'm weak to android characters learning to be human

elisanne: i LOVE her arc with just being a blind follower of the church to turning away from the church's doctrine because of her faith in euden and new alberia's cause. her becoming the grand paladyn and getting a fucking gala alt just to almost immediately say "Actually FUCK being the grand paladyn all my homies HATE the church" is so funny

harle: Fucked up little man. he's a komaeda/kokichi/dazai sort of archetype and he's so interesting. he will do absolutely anything to achieve his goals and does not give a fuck about who he has to kill to get it done, even if it is another world's version of him. and his already twisted personality being utilized by loki so that loki could take his place in order to execute his own plans is literally so fascinating. even harle's closest allies didn't find it fully unbelievable that he'd betray alberia to serve dyrenell. also harle is trying to implement socialism do i REALLY have to say anything else.

shingen: he's a bit of a hottie. thank you dragalia lost for giving us shingen in the last ever new years event before saying "Bye" and ALSO making him a great character and also have a great kit

chelle: very, very interesting character. constantly looking for ways to exploit a situation, even if it's at the detriment of her own brother. a true girlboss

basileus: i'm weak to characters who do terrible things on their lonesome in the pursuit of their ideals even while understanding that they are only causing misery but can't possibly stop because if they did, then how could they ever live with the choices they made and the lives they ruined. like fuck dude go off

midgardsormr: a true homie. i am so glad that he was there with euden in the conclusion like fuck dude. their little conversation as they alone approach xenos's domain, looking back on the start of their journey gave me such goosebumps like MAN!!!

noelle: i love a good socially awkward and highly earnest character and she's so endearing

zhu bajie: hottie AND a wifeguy!! he's so great i wish he showed up in more stories

zethia: i don't really have as much to say about zethia as i do about zena, but i do still think zethia was a very interesting character. i am so glad that they gave her more agency, and her choosing to go with nedrick was SO interesting. just as she is freed from the other, she is stolen away by nedrick, but then as euden finally meets her again as she is with nedrick, she chooses to go with nedrick. like fuck dude that's so interesting. i definitely still feel like the end of the story kind of still had too much of her character revolve around euden, but she was still pretty good

ilia: GIRLBOSS i love how the story was like Ilia, the goddess, founded the church after quelling the threat of the Other and saving the world. and then you meet her and she's just like FUCK OFF MOM!!! IM TRYING TO DO SCIENCE EXPERIMENTS!!!!! HI MOM!!!! LOOK AT MY BOYFRIEND I JUST PULLED HIM OUT OF THE SPACE BETWEEN WORLDS and meene's just like Please. Please what the fuck are you doing. also her and mordecai are so cute. speaking of which

mordecai: CUTE i love him. stupid little curious man who could do no wrong paired with stupid and insanely intelligent scientist. like this is phenomenal cygames you are onto something here. also him accidentally creating an insanely powerful being capable of destroying the world just because he thinks his girlfriend died is iconic. slay

nedrick: EXTREMELY GOOD i love his entire character concept. euden, the false prince, and then nedrick, the true prince... it was so great watching him slowly accept the power of bonds and stop relying solely on his own power from his wyrmpact with bahamut like God yes good shit. also his gala art being a flipped, dark version of euden is genuinely fucking awesome

alex: i love redeemed assassin characters and her showdown with leonidas was awesome. also she is slaying with the outfits that give that ambiguous gender swag they should've made her pronouns they/them

audric: i am once again apologising for my liking of Punished-type characters. i love how he is so fucking edgy he's awesome. also fractured futures is still easily one of the best events in the game

gozu tenno: I am so weak to big men with scary faces who are actually very gentle it's not even funny. call me gay if you must but he's so my type that it's genuinely pathetic

bonus characters that i think are cool and/or cute that i don't have enough to say about to warrant anything bigger: mitsuba, waike, irfan, taro, marty, sophie, curran, gauld, catherine, eugene, uriel, maritimus, jeanne d'arc, vodyanoy, zodiark, michael

[tobesoalive]

latch (Sam Kiszka x reader)

hey guys here's the little Sam enemies to lovers smut that was requested! idc if it’s a bit cheesy, I had a ton of fun writing it so please please please send in more requests! I love helping your ideas come to life! 

Warnings: Smut (Oral-f and m receiving, fingering, penetrative sex, unprotected sex)

Friday had finally rolled around and you were more than ready. After a long week of classes and work you were more than ready to have some fun tonight. You and your roommates were going to have some people over tonight to celebrate your second year of college almost being over. You had come up with the idea last weekend and quickly made a list of who all should be invited. There was one person on the guest list that you were dreading to see, no other than Samuel Kiszka.

You had met a kid named Danny Wagner in your first class freshman year, and you two became fast friends, sharing many of the same interests and hobbies. Together you and Danny were a dynamic duo, and you always made each other laugh. People often thought you were dating, but he already had a beautiful girlfriend back home. Danny also had another person constantly attached at his hip, Sam Kiszka, you’d almost think they were the ones dating.

Sam was a lanky kid with sharp features and an extremely annoying god complex. He really thought he was the absolute shit and that everyone was in awe of him. Quite honestly many people were, but you saw right through it. You found him to be arrogant and rude, and you were always disappointed to see him when you went over to Danny’s place, even though he was his roommate. Sam would often show up unannounced at your place too, mostly with Danny, but a couple of times he showed up alone. You were always polite, inviting him in like the good host you are, and you two ended up watching a movie together, and much to your surprise, in these times he was almost tolerable. Almost. He would make a snide remark or joke that would infuriate you, but he wouldn’t stick around for long, usually having somewhere to be. That somewhere was usually the bed of another girl, but they probably didn’t just watch movies.

That was another reason you couldn’t stand Sam. Last year you had a crush on him and he would do the thing where he would play with your emotion, hang out with you and flirt with you only to immediately go and fuck random girls. It hurt you, a lot, but you eventually got over it, losing the romantic feelings, or rather pushing them deep down where you’d hope they’d never surface again.

Now people were going to be at your house in an hour and you haven't even showered. It didn’t really matter though, you weren’t all too concerned with what other people thought of your appearance, so what if your hair was a little wet. You quickly rinsed off in a cold shower, then changed into a simple outfit for the night, flared corduroys and a crocheted tank top.

That was the other thing, you’d think you were exactly Sam’s type, he seemed like he would be into girls who were more artistic and down to earth, but all the girls he hooked up with seemed like they spent most of their time thinking about themselves. Not that there was anything wrong with those girls, you weren’t the “pick me” type, but it seemed like Sam would care about that kind of thing. Whatever, you don’t even like him anyways, he’s more of a nuisance than anything.

You had finished a seltzer by the time people started arriving, the playlist you and your roommates curated playing throughout the apartment. Being with your friends always made you very energetic, and people always said they liked being around you. You could get a crowd laughing in no time. People were coming through the doors and when there were about 75% of the people there, your partner in crime finally arrived. “Wagner!” you shouted across the room in a dumb accent, already a little buzzed. “Where art thou good friend?!” Danny yelled back, matching your accent as you two finally made your way to each other, wrapping him in a friendly embrace. “Where’s your obnoxious sidekick?” you whispered into his ear.

“Don’t worry he’s here. I know how you were just dying to see him.”

“Oh aren’t I always?” you responded with a sarcastic smile

“I still think you need to give him a chance, you’d probably really like him.”

Before you could even respond, he was running up behind Danny and lifting him up by his waist.

“Well if it isn’t dumb and dumber!” you exclaim before Sam comes up and wraps his arm around your shoulder.

“Oh come on (y/l/n), you love me!”

“Haha good one Kiszka, now why don’t we do something I actually love.”

“And what would that be?” Danny questions.

“Take a shot and dance our asses off!” you yell. If you were going to deal with Sam you needed to be a little more intoxicated.

You gathered your roommates and the boys and took them to the kitchen and got out the glasses.

“To friendship!” you yelled

Right then you caught danny say something quietly, and it looked like he was saying “Or more than friendship”

That made you stop for a second before throwing your head back and downing the shot.

“Ok let's get back out there” your roommate says as she pulls you by the arm.

You spend about the next half hour dancing with all your friends, taking hits of joints and drinking. You and Danny did a silly little dance you had come up with last year when you would get drunk in your dorms and do dumb shit. Mid-routine he slipped and pulled you down with him, both of you laughing your asses off. You felt someone grab your arm and help you up as the song changed, “Latch” by Sam Smith blasting through the speakers, one of the best party songs probably ever. The person who had grabbed you wrapped their arms around your waist, swaying back and forth with you to the music. You loosened the stranger’s grip and spun around only to be met with the face of that little shit, Sam.

“C’mon kid can’t you at least try to tolerate me for one song”

“Who ever said you were intolerable?” you respond, admiring how the dim light highlighted his features.

He leaned in close to your ear and lowly whispered in it “You think I can’t see it. Whenever you’re around me you act like it’s charity work.”

You pull back to look him in the eyes and say “It wasn’t always that way. Now let's get back to what we were doing. I like this song more than I like you, which is quite a lot.”

He gives you a grin before you start moving your body against him, and by the end of the song he’s staring at you in complete awe.

Once the song ended you broke free from his grasp. “See you later Kiszka” you say with a wink, turning around and disappearing into the crowd.

Your stomach was in knots, and not from disgust. The moment you just had brought up a lot of emotions, mostly about your romantic feelings for Sam but also the resentment you felt towards him. Fuck, you were in deep now. Things would be so much easier if you never had to see him again and all of this could go away. But alas, you needed to suck it up so you could still have a close relationship with Danny. Plus in about twenty minutes Sam would probably be grinding on another girl. Screw it, you were going to have a good time with your friends, you didn’t need Sam to be happy.

The rest of the night you avoided Sam, giving him zero of the attention he was craving. A couple hours later people were leaving your home or asleep somewhere in the living room, bathroom, kitchen you name it. Thankfully though, your room remained empty, you needed some space to think.

Everyone was asleep and the house was quiet, you threw on a pair of boxer shorts and an oversized Led Zeppelin shirt, passed down to you from Danny. You went to the kitchen and drank probably a gallon of water, making one last pit stop to the bathroom to pee and brush your teeth. No matter how tired you felt you knew you'd thank yourself in the morning. Finally you were on the way back to your room when you stopped in the doorway. Sam was standing in there, looking at all your decorations and your extensive vinyl collection.

“You’ve changed some stuff since the last time I was here”

“Yeah, I like to rearrange stuff y'know? keep it new and interesting.” You remarked, rubbing the back of your neck and yawning, trying to hide your obvious panic. This is the last thing you were hoping for, being confronted one on one with the man himself.

“Are you cool if I stay here tonight? Daniel is passed out on the couch and I don’t feel like making the walk home alone.”

“Of course...did you want to sleep in here?” you ask before you could even stop the words from coming out of your mouth. Fuck, you were a dumbass.

“If that’s okay with you, sleeping next to a stranger wouldn’t be my first choice.”

“You never had a problem being in a stranger’s bed before” you mumbled, looking at the floor.

He didn’t say anything, just turned his head to stare at you for a second, his eyes seeming almost apologetic.

“Well you might as well get comfortable” you tell him as you turn off the lights and flick the lamp on.

“Do you have a shirt I could borrow? I don’t really wanna sleep in jeans and a sweaty shirt.”

“Would you like an old one of Danny’s or one of mine?” you tease him, grabbing out yet another old band shirt of his roommate’s.

While he’s changing you turn away and busy yourself with lighting some incense and pulling the covers back, to avoid seeing his bare torso.

“Can I throw on a record? I can never get to sleep in the silence.”

“Help yourself” you say, but he already has a selection in his hands, Michigan by Sufjan Stevens, one of your favorites.

“Wonderful choice, but I imagine you’re a bit biased.” you say to him, both he and Danny were from the same town in Michigan and had to let everyone know.

“I just wanted something calm and serene, compared to all the fast paced stuff we’ve been blasting for the whole night.”

“Well it was a party Samuel, you have to give the people what they want” you tell him as you climb into bed.

Sam grabs for one of the pillows and a blanket, but you stop him.

“Were you gonna sleep on the floor like a dog? I don’t give a shit whether or not we share the bed.”

“I just assumed...I didn’t wanna make you uncomfortable...or anything.”

“You might be surprised by this but I actually feel pretty safe around you” you confess to him. Fuck, you were still slightly intoxicated so your filter was off. It’s okay, he was still a little drunk too it seemed.

“Do you mind if I take my pants off?” he asks you with a sincere look on his face.

You can’t help but burst out laughing, finding his awkwardness and the absurdity of the comment quite hilarious.

“I’d prefer it to your rough jeans...as long as you’re wearing underwear.”

“C’mon I’m not that much of a freak” he says as he pulls down his zipper and clumsily kicks his pants off.

You couldn’t help but stare for a moment, he looked gorgeous quite honestly, long hair tangled, old shirt hanging off his shoulders and shark boxer briefs stopping at his mid thigh.

“Okay Kiszka, get in here before I change my mind.”

He pulls back the sheets and crawls in, laying his head on the pillow facing you.

“I’m sorry” he says, looking deeply in your eyes, seeming almost ashamed.

“About what?” you knew you shouldn’t feed into this, whatever was going on here was completely platonic and wouldn’t mean anything in the morning.

“Everything. Being such a dick to you. Leading you on. I promise that’s not me, I just, I honestly don’t know how to act around you.”

“What do you mean?”

“You’re just the one person who actually kinda intimidates me. Or at least my feelings for you intimidate me.” he sighs.

“Is that why you are always fucking other girls and telling people about it when I’m around?”

“God you’re not going to take it easy on me, are you?”

“Why should I?”

“You shouldn’t. With the way I’ve treated you I honestly don’t expect anything from you, I just couldn’t hold it in any longer and I thought this was as good of a time as any.”

“Sam, can I be honest with you?”

“Of course”

“I actually don’t hate you at all like you seem to think. I can’t stand you because I really do like you, but I gave up on anything happening a long time ago.”

“Well you did a pretty good job of hiding it” he says, moving a little closer to you to the point where your noses were almost touching, the feeling of his breath giving you goosebumps. The music hummed softly in the background as you thought for a second.

“Sam don’t hate me but we’re both kinda drunk and I don't wanna do anything right now. I wanna be there for it, like fully there.”

“I was actually hoping you’d say that. I wanna take in every detail and remember it all. You’re not just another drunken hookup.”

You can’t help but give a soft smile, your cheeks going red.

“Well maybe I wouldn’t be opposed to a bit of cuddling”

“Neither would I” he says as he wraps his arms around you, pulling you in close as you bury your head in his chest, taking in his scent.

Something overtakes you, and you tilt your head up and press a soft kiss to his collarbone.

“Goodnight Samuel”

“Goodninght kid” he whispers, pressing his lips to the top of your head, and you can feel him breathing in your scent as well, elated to finally feel wanted.

********************************************************************************************************

You wake up to sunlight streaming through your curtains, turning to look at your clock but instead being met with Sam’s chest.

You were sober enough last night to remember everything that happened, Sam’s feelings for you coming to light and vice versa. It made you almost giddy with excitement, not being able to wait until his eyes opened.

You played with his hair, running your fingers through it and moving it from his neck, replacing it with your lips. Soon enough he’s stretching his arms and yawning.

“Any reason you needed to wake me up at 7 am?” he asked you, looking down at you as the pad of his thumb brushed across your cheek.

“Just couldn’t wait to see you I guess”

“That's a first” he says sarcastically, once again staring deep into your eyes.

You could hear the birds singing outside and a refreshing spring breeze made its way into your room through the open window.

You stared at each other for a second longer before he whispered “Can I?”

You nodded your head yes and he dipped his head down to capture your lips in a kiss. It started off sweet and then your lips started moving in a rhythm, his hands grabbing your legs and pulling you onto his lap. He kept kissing you as your tongue made its way into his mouth, causing his hips to buck up into you. You pulled back and let out a soft sigh, basking in the feeling of him growing hard against your core. He took this as an opportunity to attach his lips to your neck, sucking at the delicate skin and leaving little nips.

“Can I take this off?” you ask him, hands grabbing at the hem of his shirt.

“Please” he groans against your neck.

You pull it off and instantly your hands run along the expanse of his smooth skin, admiring every freckle and mole, fingertips brushing across his nipples. You pull your hands away to pull your own shirt off, blushing a bit, slightly embarrassed to show yourself to him. He takes a moment to stare at the newly exposed skin, pulling you down into a kiss a moment later and mumbling “You’re absolutely stunning” into your lips.

“You’re not too bad yourself” you say with a smile spreading across your face, quickly losing it as you bite your lip when he starts to move his hips once again, his bulge rubbing deliciously against your already wet core.

“I need more of you” he grunts, obviously frustrated.

You tangle your hands in his hair and pull his head back a bit, looking down into his eyes before saying “then have me”, pulling him into a kiss.

In a swift movement he flips you both over, kneeling with his legs on either side of you.

“These need to come off” he says, tugging at the waistband of the boxers you slept in. As he pulled them off and the cold air hit your core, you couldn’t help but drink all of him in, admiring just how gorgeous he looked, as if he was sculpted by the gods himself. That moment ended when you felt his middle finger run lightly up and down your slit. You threw your head back and closed your eyes, concentrating on the feeling of his skin on yours.

“Please Sammy, I need you” you say, surprised at yourself for using that nickname with him.

He looks at you and smiles before lowering his gaze to your dripping cunt, furrowing his brows as he pushes his long finger inside of you. You mewl as he pushes it down to the last knuckle, letting you adjust for a moment before starting to slowly pump in and out.

“Fuck you’re tight. So much better than I imagined.”

“So you’ve thought about this before?” You smirk at him, turning your eyes to look at the sight of his finger pumping in and out.

“Quite a lot actually, I’ve thought a lot about how you taste too” he says before readjusting himself so his head is buried in between your thighs. It only takes a second for his tongue to find your clit as he inserts another finger and starts to pump a little faster.

“Fuck you’re good at this” you say as you let out a breathy moan, hands once again finding their way into his hair. That causes him to moan around your clit, sending vibrations through your whole body. You don’t know how much longer you’d be able to last, with Sam lapping at you like it’s his last meal.

You pull his hair, forcing his lips to part from your sensitive bud, pulling him into a sloppy kiss.

“I wanna taste you too” you say before getting up and kneeling on the floor in front of your brd, motioning him to sit with his legs over the side, facing you. You look up at him as you pull his boxers down, length hitting his stomach. You take a second to admire it, with its pink head, a large vein running up the bottom. It was a nice length, with quite a bit of girth to it, surrounded by a small patch of pubic hair. As you wrapped your hand around it you said “not to be weird or anything but your dick is gorgeous”, causing him to let out a light laugh that was quickly stifled when you wrapped your head around the tip of his cock. His fingers intertwined with your hair, lightly pulling it, not forcing you down on his dick like some guys do. You gently moved your head up and down, taking as much of him as you could in your mouth and using your hand to stroke the rest.

“Fuck I need to be inside of you” he groans, tugging at your hair, causing you to pull your mouth off his dick with a small pop.

“Can I ride you?” you question as you make your way back onto the bed.

“Fuck yes, I can’t promise how long I’ll last though” he says, pulling you in for another kiss as you line him up up with your entrance. You run his tip along your slit a few times before slowly starting to lower yourself down, taking your time to adjust to his size. Once he’s fully sheathed inside of you, he throws his head back, letting out a guttural moan.

“Fuck, you feel so fucking good, I’ve wanted this for a long time.”

“So have I” you say before starting to slowly move yourself up and down on him.

It’s lazy and sweet, not perfect or anything, but nothing about this situation really was. You wouldn’t have it any other way.

“Fuck” he remarks as he grabs your hips, fingers sinking into your skin,helping you move up and down on his delicious cock.

“You fill me up so perfectly, god you feel so good”

“I guess it was meant to be baby” he says with a grin, putting his fingers in his mouth then moving them down to rub circles around your clit.

“Fuck Kiszka, if you keep taht up I’m gonna cum.”

“That was my goal, I’m close too” he breathes out as he buries his head in your neck.

You clutch the back of his head as you start to move yourself up and down faster, fucking yourself on his cock.

“Fuck Sam I’m gonna cum”

“Me too babe, where do you want me to?” he asks shakily.

The only word you can muster out is “Inside” as you approach your peak, clenching around him once more before tipping over the edge.

It’s complete bliss as you ride out your high, feeling him give one last deep thrust into you before coating your walls with his warm ropes of seed.

You collapse against him, nuzzling your head into his neck, pressing sloppy open mouthed kisses as you both catch your breath.

He pushes your hair to the side, leaving his lips on your temple while he remains sheathed inside you.

“Thank you” he says, still regaining his breath and returning to reality.

“Don’t leave me” you say softly into his ear.

“I wouldn’t for the world, don’t you worry kid.”

You sit up and look into his soft brown eyes, taking in how much things have changed in the past few hours.

“I don’t hate you. Not in the least. I just hated the idea of not being with you.”

“Same here, but we don’t have to feel that anymore. I’m sorry for the way I treated you. You deserve the world, and I want to try my hardest to give it to you.”

“Thank you Samuel, I’ll try to do the same.”

You give him one last long kiss before pulling back, pushing his hair behind his ear and saying “C’mon loverboy, let’s go get some breakfast.”

[earlgreydream]

new york.

| draco malfoy x reader | fluff |

cw: a bit of soft smut, swearing

“Come on, Draco,” you grabbed his hand, pulling him through the streets of New York. His eyes were wide, and he marveled at everything.

Before dating you, Draco had stayed in the wizard world, barely leaving London. He kept within places of magic, and had never really seen muggle life.

Now, the two of you were eighteen, and you’d managed to free him from a summer at Malfoy Manor. He’d agreed to go to America with you for the summer, though he was extremely hesitant to spend a summer in the muggle world.

“New York IS magical!” You had insisted to Draco, and he gave in once he realized how happy it would make you. And secretly, he was curious to see where you had grown up.

Oh, and that you had braved your entire Christmas break at Malfoy Manor, under the scrutiny of Lucius, who was incredibly unfriendly and unwelcoming to his son’s mudblood girlfriend.

“We’re staying in my apartment. It’ll be just us, Draco. You don’t need to worry about impressing anyone,” you had promised your anxious boyfriend.

Now, Draco’s silver eyes couldn’t take in all of Times Square. He looked like a startled child, and you giggled at his wide eyes.

“This is crazy, Y/N, everything is all lit up-” Draco gaped at the signs. You walked slower, keeping in time with him as he took it all in. Your hand held onto his arm, keeping you together as you navigated the busy square. 

You looked up at the sky, dark clouds hanging heavy overhead. Thunder boomed in the distance, just over the sound of the street. 

“It’s going to rain. Time for an indoor activity,” you broke Draco from his trance, and the two of you made it to a small staircase outside of a building. Draco hesitated, and you dragged him down into the underbelly of the city, into a lounge you frequented whenever you were in the city. 

You were greeted by buzzing neon lights, printed carpet, and arcade machines. Everything was retro, looking like you’d stepped into the 80s. You ordered soda before pulling your boyfriend to an arcade game. He looked unsure, and you grinned at him, setting your things down. 

“What is this?” Draco asked, looking around curiously.

“This is an arcade. We play these games, I’ll show you.” You put a coin in the slot of the machine and showed Draco how to play Pac-Man.

“Want to try?” You asked, moving over to let him try after you finished demonstrating. He nodded, gingerly pressing the buttons. A frown knitted on his face as he struggled, not doing near as well as you.

“Can I try again?!”

“Sure, babe.” You slipped another coin in the slot, and he attempted a second time, still barely making any points.

“Draco, it’s just a game, relax,” you smoothed yourself hands down his arms as he tensed up with frustration. It was taking all of your strength not to laugh at him as he fought with the game.

“I can’t even win against a bloody muggle contraption-” Draco huffed and a couple teenagers turned their heads.

“It’s alright, they’re hard. Some take practice. Let’s try another one.” You sipped on your sprite, giving Draco a quick kiss to calm him down. He hummed softly and followed you to a different game. Thankfully, he was slightly better at the second one, and his bad mood faded with your encouragement.

You spent the entire afternoon there, eventually swapping arcade games to bowl in the alley at the back. You knew Draco was using magic, because he striked every time. You rolled your eyes as onlookers stared in awe, and he grinned at you with a wink.

“It’s not fun if you cheat.” You told him, and he kissed you.

“No, but I’ll play fair next round.” You let him, knowing he wanted to redeem himself of being embarrassingly shit at the games.

You had only dropped your bags at your apartment, but the two of you had been out since your flight landed this morning. You were starting to get tired, and you could sense Draco was too.

“I’m starving, and the rain has let up. Want to get something to eat?” You asked Draco, and he nodded, holding out his hand for you to take. You grinned and intertwined your fingers, walking out to the damp street with him.

“Come on, there’s a great deep dish pizza place closer to my apartment.” You led him into the subway, and his arm wrapped around your waist protectively as you waited for your train. His chest was pressed to your back, his grip on you secure.

“We’re safe.” You rubbed his arm that was under your ribs, but he didn’t relax. You rode the train downtown a bit, before getting off in lower manhattan.

“It’s just up here.” You told him, tightening your jacket as the night got colder. The two of you walked half a block into a New York deep dish pizza parlor, and Draco smiled at the delicious smell as you entered.

“Two,” you said to the waiter, and he sat you down at a booth in the corner. Draco’s hand rested on your knee, and the two of you ordered their restaurant original pizza, sipping on ginger beer as you waited.

“This is your New York?”

You hummed, nodding in response. He kissed your cheek sweetly, openly affectionate with you in the public setting.

“Tomorrow we’ll go to the MET so you can see the art,” you said, reaching up to brush a stray piece of hair from his face. He leaned down and kissed you softly, one of his arms around your shoulders as the two of you sat on the same side of the table.

“I’m excited.”

“Me too, it will be fun!” You agreed. You turned as the waiter set down the pizza in front of the two of you, and Draco’s eyebrows shot up.

“This is huge, Y/N!”

The waiter smiled and left you alone, and you sliced off a piece, handing it to him before serving yourself.

“We’ll put the leftovers in the fridge at home. Try it. You’ll like it, I promise.” You encouraged him, and he did so with excitement.

“Oh my gods, this is so good!” He exclaimed, making you giggle.

“New York isn’t half bad, is it?”

He shook his head, silver eyes shining. You enjoyed your pizza, watching people walk by out the window. Draco had already expressed his anxiety over not only the amount of traffic in New York, but also of the cars driving on the wrong side of the street. You giggled at his disdain for the incessant honking, used to the quiet serenity of Malfoy Manor.

You were yawning by the time you walked the last three blocks to your apartment, Draco’s hand on your lower back as you slid your key into the lock. You let yourselves in, kicking off your shoes and losing your jackets in the hall. Draco took his time looking at your apartment now that you had time, and you let him wander as you put your extra pizza in the fridge.

You watched him run his fingers over your books and look at plants and various things of yours that were set around. You leaned in the doorway, unnoticed by him, observing him peek into your life. He picked up a small stuffed bunny off of your bookshelf, an endearing smile on his face as he carefully set it back down.

“I love your room,” Draco said when you stepped in, wrapping your arms around his waist and resting against his back.

“Thank you.”

“Let’s wash the city off,” you said, tossing your jeans into the bin, stripping off the rest of your clothes as he watched, following suit.

You giggled as he chased you into the bathroom, lightly tickling your sides. You turned on the shower, stepping under hot water and pulling your boyfriend in with you. He kissed you deeply, water running over your bodies. He squeezed soap onto his hands and began to glide them over your skin, squeezing your ass in the process. He definitely spent extra time on your chest, and you did the same to him, washing him up. Your giggles echoed in the shower chamber, and Draco left hot kisses over your neck, shoulder, and chest.

Draco lifted you onto the wide tile shelf, kissing you deeply, his tongue invading your mouth. Your fingers tangled into his wet hair, and you spread your legs for him to stand between.

A loud moan escaped you as he slowly entered you, a slight discomfort forming as a result of your lack of regular sex at the castle.

“Please— fuck— move,” you begged Draco, dragging your nails up his back.

He obliged happily, fucking you slowly, careful not to be too rough. Your chest was heaving, your body on fire against the cold tile of the shower, everything slick and steamy. Draco’s mouth moved along your neck and jaw, and your head was spinning as his hips repeatedly met yours.

“Need to feel you come around me, love,” Draco murmured, tweaking your nipples lightly, drawing a squeal from you.

“I’m close, just, a little faster,” you panted, gripping his shoulders. Within minutes you were coming undone, and you wouldn’t collapsed if it wasn’t for the shelf holding most of your weight. You felt Draco’s orgasm follow, leaving you both lightheaded and airy.

“Give me a minute before I can stand up.” You laughed, holding onto his arm to steady you.

The two of you finished getting clean, and you dried off before going to your bed. Your head rested on his chest, fingers tracing shapes over his milky skin until you fell asleep.

You woke up the next morning to soft noises in the kitchen. You got up and pulled Draco’s t shirt over your head, walking out to the kitchen to find Draco struggling.

“I was going to bring you some tea in bed but I can’t find the kettle.” He complained, and you giggled, shaking your head.

“What? Why’re you laughing at me?” He demanded, and you held his cheeks and kissed him.

“Hand me two cups, Malfoy.” You ordered, using his last name. His nose scrunched up, and he bit back the urge to complain about how you addressed him.

He obeyed you, and you filled the cups with filtered water, and put them in the microwave.

“You’re joking-” he started, and you cut him off with another kiss.

“We’re in america, sweetheart. I haven’t got a kettle.”

He was disturbed by your lack of kettle, but he trusted you to make good tea, and he didn’t want to upset you by judging your American ways. The term mudblood pricked into the back of his mind, instilled by his horrid father. He pushed the thought away, and wrapped his arms around you. He didn’t speak, but he hugged you tightly, and you rested against him.

“I love you,” his voice was full of such urgency, you didn’t know what had crossed his mind that made him feel the need to hold you so tightly and remind you of his affection.

“I love you too, Draco.” You touched his face gently, looking into his eyes.

You broke away to drop tea bags into your now-hot water. You put a bit of cream in Draco’s how he preferred it, and he kissed your cheek, pulling the two of you back to bed with your tea.

“We can get ready after this.” You decided, enjoying the warmth of your bed. Draco loved your tea, and he finished his more quickly than you. He traced the flowers printed on the duvet, listening to you talk about the museum you were taking him to.

He was enjoying the city so far, even though the noise had kept him up. He got dressed and admired you in a little white sundress. You spun around for him, and he kissed your lips, catching you and pulling you into him.

He couldn’t keep off of you now that the two of you had space. You’d graduated, and you were free. You could openly be loving without the judgement of teachers or other students, and no one was around that Draco had to protect his reputation from. 

He was always kissing you, holding your hand, or letting his hand rest on your knee now that you were away from judgemental gazes. He enjoyed just being with you. Draco was much more relaxed away from his family and aristocratic peers, and your life together in America was coming a solid reality.

Draco’s thumb brushed over the back of your hand as the two of you ascended the steps up to the MET. You turned, grinning at him in the sunshine, and you pushed up on your toes, kissing him sweetly. 

“I love you!” Draco announced when you dropped back down from kissing him, and you wrapped your arms around his neck.

“I love you too, Draco.” 

He let you pull him inside, and the two of you spent the entire day wandering through the endless rooms in the art museum, admiring the paintings, drawings, sculptures, and artifacts. 

Draco’s eyes lit up at the sketches of the dancers, he studied them for a long time. 

“I think I’d like to try art.” Draco informed you, and you looked up at him.

“You should, I think you’d be good at it.” You spoke encouragingly, and he smiled down at you.

“Do you mean that?” 

“I do.” You rubbed his arm and kissed his shoulder. 

“Come on, I want to see the impressionists. That’s my favorite part of this place.” 

He followed you, standing behind you as you admired the paintings. His arms were around your waist, and his head rested on your shoulder as he looked at the paintings with you. 

You stayed at the museum until it closed, going home and eating the leftover pizza on the balcony. You handed Draco a sketchbook you had, and some pens, earning a smile.

“I can use them?”

“Of course.” You nodded, and he began to sketch you, sitting there. You listened to the cars below, and happy people singing in an apartment above yours. His sketch was beautiful, and you smiled at him dreamily.

[joshstambourine]

A Seconds Glance

"Hi I have a request for either Josh or Jake 💛 can I get a story where they see a girl, either at school or they can already be famous in this, and is instantly enamored. I don't know if you've seen The Virgin Suicides, but if you have then something similar to when Trip sees Lux for the first time. I'm interested in how those two would go about getting a girl's attention when they have a crush.💕💕💕" - Anonymous

//Hi Doll! I can’t say I have seen that--- but I will try my best to write something that I feel matches the idea you had. 

I’m gonna be repeating this forever--- but again, I’m so sorry it took me so long to get this request out for you! I decided to go with Josh being in school for this one.//

Warnings: Cursing, awkward beans

Word Count: 1969

Synopsis: Josh had never really believed in love at first sight... but yet....

Josh Kiszka x Fem!Reader

The first day of sophomore year. For most this was just the start of another school year; a sudden reminder that a new binder or fun pencil case is exciting for all of 10 minutes when it comes to actual classes and work. But for Josh… this year felt like it was filled with possibilities. It sounds like some sort of stupid thing you'd see on a motivational calendar, but it really truly did.

Josh hadn't imagined for a second that he actually would have a chance in making music his career; and yet, he had spent all summer with his band mates playing for different occasions and pubs. All the while they were working, working hard on writing songs that they could be proud to play for others.

All of that said, Josh was returning to high-school this year with a new found amount of confidence and excitement; it showed in every step Josh took. His one hand held loosely on to the arm of his backpack, walking in time with Jake.

"But what do you think? Would it look good on me?" Jake inquired, fingers lightly playing with the mid-length pieces of hair on his head.

"I mean… I don't know…" Josh lightly starts, glancing at his twin and begins to take a good long look at him.

Jake's eyes widened just a touch, his expression becoming one that said, 'Well…?'

"Uh… honestly I don't really know Jake. I've never seen you with anything else than this." Josh admits, then snickers a little, "Except for that one time when we decided it'd be fun to take those scissors and---"

"No, that's fine, I didn't need to think about that." Jake immediately stopped him, his hand going to take a full dive into his mess of dark brown hair. 

"Cmon, it was really funny though. Ma really lost her shit when she saw your head like that." Josh continued to muse, hands folding into his pockets with the utmost of ease. 

Jake shook his head in a mournful way, "I can say I will never go back to a buzz-cut again… not without a fight."

Josh's smile never faltered, it was his laughter that changed, softening into a bit of a sigh as they reached the double doors at the front of the school. With a swing of the doors they both were making their way down the hallway to their lockers.

"Meet by Mr.Shapiro's class before lunch?" Jake questioned, to which Josh nodded. No matter which school the twins went to the teachers seemed to know that the best course of action was to keep them separated. That said Josh and Jake always had separate homerooms at least, through most of their time in school.

"See ya in a bit." Josh waved, taking a few steps back before turning on his heels and heading to his own locker.

Josh's excitement to be back in class showed on his face more than he probably would have wanted. A few pencils in his hand along with a binder filled with blank paper and tucked away dividers.  

As soon as Josh stepped into the class room his eyes were met with many familiar faces. Some of these people he had been in school with since kindergarten; like Meg, a rather tall blunt faced girl with long kinky black hair. She simply threw a peace sign Josh's way as he stepped through the doors; he eagerly returned it, bringing a small smile to Meg's lips. 

With some brisk steps Josh moved to place himself at the back of the classroom, just behind Meg. He threw his things on his desk without much thought. Despite there being a good number of kids he knew... there seemed to be equally just as many new kids. 

Leaning on his desk Josh moved closer to Meg, "Where the hell did these guys come from?" 

Meg's brow lifted as she leaned back a little, "Know the high-school on the east side?" 

"The one where you can get crack for super cheap?" Josh inquired, 

Meg's head bobbed, "They closed it down, so now we get half the kids that went there." She explains with her head resting on her hand in a bored way. 

"Oh shit really? That's a lot of kids---" Josh was quick to respond, glancing around the room. 

"Oh yeah... way too many in my personal opinion --- not that anyone cares." Meg mutters, beginning to click her mechanical pencil. 

Josh's eyes were still taking in all the new faces as he started to respond, "Wow aren't we positive today." 

Meg sighed, "Eh.... I'm just not excited, Justin and I broke up over the summer and I'll have to see him in history." She began to explain, "Things are just really tense, yknow?" 

She waited a moment for him to give some comforting... but still idiotic response, however none came. It finally got Meg to turn and look at him, as she did she immediately noticed that Josh's eyes had widened just a touch, cheeks dusted a light pink. 

Meg followed the line of his eyes to a beautiful young woman. The expression he wore was more than enough to tell Meg that she should move. 

Josh was so busy just... taking the new girl in that he didn't even notice Meg slip to the free desk to the side of the one she was previously sat in. Josh just couldn't put his finger on it, there was something... something so breathtaking about her. Was it her eyes? Or maybe how her hair fell around her face? He couldn't be sure. What he was absolutely sure of was that he had never had a moment in his life where he could hear music just by looking at someone. 

"Hey... do you know if this desk is free?" A new voice shook Josh. It was her. She was standing at a desk to his left with a bit of an awkward air. 

He was just so shaken. What did she say again? Something about a desk? Josh's lips parted, "Uh--- I uh, what did you--?" 

"No that one isn't open, but the one just in front of my dude Josh is, right Josh?" Meg interrupted, pointing to the desk ahead of him. 

"Oh y-yeah, that one's open! Definitely 100% open! It couldn't be more open even if it tried!" Josh started spouting, he really wasn't even aware that his mouth had moved, and that was clear in the fact that it just kept moving when she had come to sit down. "Do you need any pencils at all?? I have like 20!" He continued, though his hand held one full sized pencil and one shorter than the average person's pinkie... both chewed on. "I mean not on me but--- who needs a pencil right?" 

The girl laughed a little awkwardly, her gaze moving from Josh to Meg and then to the desk. "No, no I'm okay thank you though." She slipped into the chair, keeping her gaze frontwards. 

Meg looks to Josh with a shocked look, 'What was that??' She mouthed, 

Josh responded with an absolutely mortified expression. He would never say he was the smoothest guy on the planet, but he had never been that awkward in his life. 

Meg shook her head before reaching out to tap the girl's shoulder, "I'm Meg!" She introduces, "And that goober is Josh." 

The girl lightly moved to glance over her shoulder at Josh in a shy way. "It's nice to meet you both. I'm (Y/N)." She hummed with a sweet smile. 

"That's a pretty name, isn't it Josh??" Meg quickly said, trying to get him to continue the conversation in a less awkward way.

Josh nodded very enthusiastically, "The prettiest name I've heard in a long time!" He said with a smile, 

(Y/N)'s cheeks began to hold a flush of their own. "Oh! Uh... th-thank you!" She sputtered out. 

'OH FUCK. She's so cute.' Josh thought to himself, Adam's apple bobbing in his throat with a shaky swallow. 

Little did Josh know that (Y/N) was thinking something very similar. She might not make it as obvious as he was, but being so much closer now... being able to see the warmth in his brown eyes, seeing how his wavy brown hair came to cup his cheeks --- she couldn't help but continue to stare back at him. 

The only thing that could pull them both out of the little trance they had fallen into was the bell. Both of them quickly looked toward it, followed by a man's voice at the front of the class. 

"Alright everyone, take your seats!" 

(Y/N) was reluctant but she turned herself to look toward the front of the class. A little bit nervous, but mustering an ounce of courage she tore a piece of paper from her notebook quietly and began to scribble something down. 

Josh hardly got anything out of that language arts class, he was way too busy trying to figure out what excuse he could make to talk with (Y/N) again. He was just rattling through every little conversation starter he had ever heard in his life... but none of them felt like they would work. 

Before long the bell had rung overhead once more and everyone was shuffling to grab their things and head to all of their next classes. 

Biting his lip, Josh was determined to catch (Y/N) before she could head off to her own next class. Luckily for him she had a similar idea. Both turning to each other as they stepped out of the classroom, it was painfully quiet at first. It seemed as if they were trying to get their thoughts together really. 

Finally they spoke, 

"Hey would you---" "I was wondering if you'd---" 

At once. 

A small awkward laugh left their lips, "Please, go ahead I was going to say something dumb---" Josh quickly said moving to rub the back of his neck. 

(Y/N)'s lips parted as she let out and unsure chuckle, eyes moving downwards for a moment. "I was just going to ask if you would mind if I joined you for lunch? I just am new and don't really have any---" 

"Yes!" Josh quickly said, "Yes absolutely. You didn't even have to ask, you could have just showed up if you wanted to!" He quickly says to her. 

The speed he seemed to talk at entertained (Y/N) a heck of a lot. A smile creeping across her face, "Okay! Thank you!" She responded. 

"Do you know where the cafeteria is? I can show ya if you want??" Josh quickly continued, "I mean I'm sure you could find it on you're own, you seem very smart and capable. Most women are to be honest; I remember reading an article about how men need to---" 

"That would be really great actually." (Y/N) smiled in a gentle way. 'He's even more nervous than I am.' She thought to herself. 

"Oh-oh! Okay cool! Uh, do you know where Mr.Shapiro's class is?" He asks, 

(Y/N) seemed to think for a minute, "113... right? I have him for chemistry this afternoon I think." She mutters. 

Josh swiftly nods his head, "That's the one!! Meet me there okay?" He says. 

(Y/N) nodded back, understanding the little plan they now had. "I'll see you in a little bit then?" She lightly asks. 

"Yeah absolutely." Josh began to grin, suddenly beyond excited. Even as she began to walk off to her class all he could think about was how sure he was now that this year was going to be fantastic. 

That was until a warning bell played overhead, "Oh shit--" Josh jumped in shock, immediately beginning to run to his next class.

//That's all for now lovely! I do actually have an idea on how to continue this one if anyone would like! Pretty please let me know in the comments if that's something you guys would like 💜//

[jungxk]

just one (viii)

summary: the only guy on campus who’s track record trumped that of your best friend’s - park jimin - was jeon jungkook. not that that was a problem…until he set his sights on you.

notes: first of all i wanna thank the people who supported me and encouraged me through one of the worst writers blocks of my life. all the messages and comments are the reason why i finally managed to post this. special thanks to @whippedforkook for helping me with the monstrous tagging process as well as giving me so much praise. and also @lonelyending for cheering me on for a literal YEAR bc thats how long i cried over this fic! this story is so special to me. we’re in the home stretch now x

warnings: mentions of illegal drug use and distribution, swearing, brief smut.

genre: drama, romance, humour, college!au

wordcount: 8k

tagging: @cutechim @benz-biarritz @gyukult @bangulin @eatersanonymous @alyssa1926 @skivv1es @a-sucker-for-them-sappy-shit @moonights @jeymuffins @juuneaux @catsukiii @andreaisaac @whatheydontunderstand @sreveles @noruls619 @henryharios @just-a-fuxked-up-kid @befriendswithj @btsbesharam @poemsandpunani @taelha @misosoup-forthesoul @jikooksmut @heart-eyedmf @the-piano-woman @angrysunshine @chaoticpaperfanhoagie @jsungshine @ci-yen @faby-montana @shinypeanutsportshero @jooniestrivia @alucards-s @cynamyngirl @jiminie-angel @myskoova @jkshoneybuns @smokintae @remmykinsff @majinbuwu @jangx2manboongx2 @potatodogs @seul-queen @alpharyth @blenxxxg @plsky @th-singularity @bapbaptothetop @hermiones-enchantment @stomachfilledwithbutterflies @euphorora @supachloe94 @jiminxjimout @ggukkieland @just-another-fic-recs-blog @jalexad​

part i // part ii // part iii // part iv // part v // part vi // part vii // part viii // part ix // part x

x

4 years ago

x

jimin hated yugyeom.

well, maybe hate was a strong word. he just didn't like talking to him, being around him, hearing his name or interacting with him on any level, social or otherwise. he really tried though, since he was one of jungkook's closest friends and still respectfully referred to him as hyung above all else. and if anything, jimin would always have a soft spot for jungkook, the kid he used to coddle when his own brother wasn't around. but having said that, there wasn't really much basis for not liking yugyeom. it was just a gut feeling jimin couldn't explain, a very subtle callousness about him only jimin could pick up on. for the most part he was just like very other mild mannered boy by day and party animal by night, but jimin still ducks when he sees him enter the library.

"fuck," he hisses under his breath, scooping up his laptop to stride behind a book shelf for good measure. because sometimes, contrary to popular belief, jimin wanted to be alone. he didn't want to make small talk or listen to someone tell him about how well they scored on their last paper or complain about their annoying girlfriend. sometimes jimin wanted to have no thoughts and listen to fleetwood mac as per his human rights. which is why he shoves into the first private study room he sees.

and not an empty one at that. there's a girl inside, sitting cross-legged in her chair at a desk with an array of dried up paint tubes and brushes surrounding open sketchbooks. you don't look annoyed or even that phased, just amused as you give him a once over before going back to painting. "on the run from solji?"

jimin blinks, back still pressed against the door. "huh?" he regards you properly. "i'm sorry, have we met before?"

"not really," you admit with a sheepish smile, which is when jimin suddenly realises that you're...attractive. "solji is in my stats class. you hooked up with her last week at some party and she told me about it."

"oh," jimin takes in your plethora of art supplies. "you don't look like a stem student."

there's a glimmer of something in your eyes, and though you hide it well jimin knows he's struck a nerve. "yeah, i get that a lot."

"it's not solji by the way," jimin clarifies. for some reason. "that i'm hiding from. just a bellend i don't have the energy for right now."

you smile. "it's fine. you don't owe me your life story."

"i do when i'm about to impose on your...study time," jimin peers through the window in the door, wincing when yugyeom enters the hallway. "what would it take for you to let me stay in here for a while?"

you pause for a second. "honestly? just be quiet and leave me alone. is that okay?"

jimin perks up, a weight leaving his chest. "perfect, actually."

x

x

x

[jungkook 11:42pm]: why does it say wings on it

[jungkook 11:42pm] where is it flying

[you: 11:43pm] ffs kook

[you: 11:44pm] im still on the toilet can u just hurry up

[you 11:44pm] grab some tampons too pls

[jungkook 11:46pm] fine what size pussy do u wear

[you 11:46pm] i hate u

[jungkook 11:53pm] ???? ? ? well? ????

[you 11:54pm] REGULAR 

jungkook giggles at his phone, already having left the women's sanitary aisle to grab some chocolate. months later and teasing you was still bundles of fun. he knew for a fact that you were sat there with that angry pout on your face, nose crinkled. he had never bought anything like this before, but jungkook had enough brain cells to know that chocolate was another necessity for that time of the month. after grabbing a large hazelnut bar, he pauses beside the oreos before grabbing a packet of those too. just for good measure. he strides to the self checkout - because even he wasn't man enough for the cashier yet - nearly dropping his array of sanitary products and confectionary when somebody calls out his name from behind the queue.

"kook!" the voice is unmistakably yugyeom's, confirmed by the hand that clamps jungkook over the shoulder and swivels him round before he could think about hiding his socially compromising shopping items. it takes a second for yugyeom to notice, doing a double take at the pads atop his small tower of goods. he holds back a laugh, balancing a bottle of gin in one hand while he waves back at some friends to continue. they were clearly making their pit stop before a night out, probably pre's if they still start as late as jungkook remembers. with his hair styled and expensive cologne lingering, jungkook almost forgets he probably looks unrecognisable in his sweats and cotton-fresh hoodie. friday nights weren't for cuddling. still, yugyeom's smile is welcoming and familiar. "got the munchies? and maybe also a uterus?"

"shut up," jungkook grumbles, averting his eyes. he shifts to his other foot uncomfortably. "my friend just needed a favour, that's all."

"uh huh," yugyeom gives him a teasing look. "is this friend the reason why i barely saw you at jin's the other week?"

jungkook blinks back at him. "wait, you were at that party? i had no idea!" a boyish smile breaks over his face. "why didn't you call me? i haven't seen you since-"

"minseok-hyung's new years eve party," yugyeom throws his head back with a laugh. "remember how we ended up on a boat after the ball dropped and-"

"spent all of new years day detained by the coast guard!" jungkook finishes with a mischievous cackle of his own, nearly dropping the tampons in the process. "fuck, that was so much fun! we need to meet up again, i haven't been out with the guys in so long."

"well no wonder," he quips a brow at jungkook's shopping again. "word got out you're a family man but i didn't believe it. until now, that is."

jungkook's smile falls. "what do you mean?"

yugyeom looks at him for a second, confused by jungkook's surprise. yugyeom was never quite as diplomatic as namjoon or yoongi, to put it lightly. and definitely nowhere near as accomodating as jimin. which is why his next words make jungkook's back stiffen. "bro, look at yourself. you got dairy milk in one hand and tampax in the other. on a friday night. the next time i see you i wouldn't be shocked if you had a baby buggy and a mortgage." still, yugyeom throws him an apologetic look. like a mouse caught in a trap. "face it, kook. you're old news."

"what? that's not true," his brows furrow unhappily. "i don't know what you're talking about. it's not like she's my..."

he can't say the word, but it hangs between them like a dead weight.

"yeah, right," the condescending look on yugyeom's face was starting to agitate him. "you totally blanked us at jin's after she showed up. not even just jin's..." he thinks twice about holding his tongue, but as always, decides against it. "i don't know you, jungkook. whoever this new jungkook is. it's been months. you used to hit us up and be independent and spontaneous and wild and now you're just...someone's boyfriend.

"stop fucking saying that," jungkook snaps, all visible signs of friendliness gone.

"why?" a beat. "do you even use a wrap with her anymore?"

jungkook splutters, heat rushing to his ears and hands in a stinging combination of anger and embarrassment. "how is that any of your business? the fuck are you asking me something like that, as if you-"

"thought so," yugyeom looks away from him with a sigh. if anything, yugyeom knew never to overstay his welcome but that clearly backfired tonight. "whatever, jungkook," he looks over his shoulder at him. "guess you're the last one to find out you're officially married."

"you're ridiculous," jungkook scoffs. "all this over condoms? grow up, yugyeom."

"only couples do it raw," yugyeom turns away from him, alcohol in tow as he waves a hand over his shoulder to join his friends like jungkook was nothing but a lost cause. "you would remember that if you still had game."

jungkook stands there, dumbfounded while the group of boys exit the store noisily but he can't hear a thing. the siren that had been itching the back of his mind all this time was suddenly there at full force, right between his eyes. the glaring truth that yugyeom might be right makes his knees buckle. all those rules jungkook once had, all those measures he kept in place to protect his liberty, to prevent this very occurence - where were they? what happened to them? as the sweet and accommodating counterpart to jimin, why had you never complied? though, the blame wasn't on your hands alone. he got complacent, comfortable. lenient. and now without even realising he was here, a scene from a romcom in the middle of the night, with nothing to say for himself but fuck. the realisations wouldn't stop racing, one after another on the conveyer belt of his anxiety.

the photos on his phone; mostly you. time spent, usually with you. the portfolio for his latest photography module also had some resemblance to your interests. charcoal pencils, night drives, orchids. like the ones you always drew on any scrap of paper lying around. now that he thinks about it, he's seen nothing but your orchids for months. and not just that - you wore his clothes sometimes too. his bathroom had your toothbrush, contraceptive pills and coconut shampoo. his closest friends, his hyungs...not one of them was devoid of affection for you. he wasn't even confident that if the choice was presented, they would still pick him over you.

by the time jungkook finishes paying and practically sprints to his truck in a daze, he can hardly keep himself from shaking. he palms the wheel compulsively, he could feel the sweat in his sideburns, hoodie suddenly suffocating him. it smelled of you.

and then, like a final curtain call: was he just your latest fixer-upper project? some good girl wet dream to play out in the wake of your emotionally traumatic past? a slap in the face to seokjin, maybe, and nothing more? when you were done, when he was out of your system, when you knew his taste by heart and had nothing new left to try - would you stay? did you even know how to?

did he?

jungkook starts the engine. he drives to your door, drops your bag of snacks and pads on the porch, and texts you before leaving. he does not go inside.

x

x

x

"you sure you'll be okay with just the boys?"

you scoff at seulgi when she pins you with a worrying look, taking some of her clothes out of her bag to re-fold them just so you had something to do with your hands. jisoo had already left for the long weekend with her family, so there was no one there to fill up the empty space between your awakward reply. you didn't know how to tell the girls that jungkook hadn't contacted you in nearly a month. and even though he was a notable flight risk from the beginning, you couldn't help but feel like there was hostility there. every now and again he'd at least send a nude or have a quick phone call when he was drunk or high at three in the morning, but you hadn't heard a peep from him. you couldn't stand the idea of someone you cared about harbouring comtempt for you, but the fear of reaching out and somehow making the situation worse outweighed it tenfold. 

you look up to see seulgi still staring at you with concern. "of course i'll be fine! they're boys, not piranhas."

"at least piranhas contribute our ecosystem. boys just cause problems for the hell of it," seulgi lays a hand on the crown of your head like a berating big sister, swivelling you to look at her in your fit of giggles. the urge to nestle you under blankets like a baby bird made her chest heave, and you could tell. "i'm serious. if jimin tries anything, call me immediately okay?"

"jimin?" you snort. "out of a room full of delinquents, my ex, and taehyung, you're worried about jimin of all people?"

seulgi wrinkles her nose. "god, when you say it like that its like i'm throwing you to the dogs." she pauses. "something's up with jimin. i don't know what it is, but he's...off."

you tilt your head innocently, remembering the brief interaction you had with hobi at seokjin's party. you had been so caught up in jungkook - or lack thereof - you hadn't thought to press him about it afterwards. in truth, jimin remained as...jimin as ever. if he was acting differently you certainly couldn't tell. "you think so?"

"mmm," she leans on the lip of the open suitcase thoughtfully. "but maybe with jungkook there, he'll behave himself."

you gulp, fiddling with his watch on your wrist anxiously. "maybe."

x

x

x

you nearly yelp when you feel a big hand swivel around your waist, bucking into the kitchen counter reflexively. jungkook always did this before rubbing his boner against your ass, but the light scent of citrus and short squeeze lets you know immediately that its taehyung. hoseok, jimin, namjoon and yoongi were still in the living room playing video games, giving taehyung the perfect opening to intercept you. namjoon and yoongi had insisted that you come over to their place after finding out you'd be alone for the weekend, and you had completely refused before taehyung's coaxing. and of course, jimin's persuasive nudging. even though you felt safe and relaxed here, it felt wrong to be in jungkook's friends' place without him. almost like a breaching of an unspoken boundary.

and clearly, taehyung picked up on your discomfort by the way he stared at you so softly. his back was to the sink, his sillhouette particularly long and lean this evening. "you need to lighten up, princess. you keep looking over your shoulder so much it's making me nervous!"

your visibly droop with a sigh. "i'm sorry tae. i've had a lot on my mind lately, and..."

he claps his hands on your shoulders, teeth peeking through his grin. "you're not doing anything illegal by being here without jungkook."

you wince at his name. "have you always been able to read my mind like this?"

"absolutely," taehyung's brown eyes look so rich up close. "you're allowed to have friends that are also his friends, because - and try to stick with me on this - relationships between people are allowed to be independant from the primary circles they met in. mind boggling concept, i know."

you wack him on the chest until he laughs. "stop making fun of my anxious thought processes! its called mental illness, sherlock! i can't help it!"

his nose scrunches cutely, enjoying your first fiery outburst of the day. "whatever. i call it not getting laid for a month and losing critical thinking abilities from it."

you gape at him indignantly while taehyung roars with laughter. "you're such a dickhead," you hiss through gritted teeth, yanking his hair and jabbing your fingers in his sides the way you would with jimin during a tickle fight. "whores have feelings too, taehyung! whores have feelings too!"

you both fall about with laughter, knocking over half the snacks on the counter in the process which only makes the pair of you laugh even more. it's such childish chaos trying to clean up the mess on the tiny kitchen floor that neither of you notice the front door open, or the gust of metaphorical and literal wind that follows. watching taehyung trying to salvage a bag of broken crisps is just so funny that the presence of an another voice in the living room goes unregistered, as do the footsteps leading up the hallway to the kitchen, so you have no time to brace yourself or properly pull yourself together with you see-

"...jungkook."

yours and taehyung's heads snap to the doorway. jungkook stands there with almost complete lack of emotion on his face to the pair of you kneeling in crumbs and napkins. there's a brief pause where the tension in your eye contact alone was so strong that it felt wrong to breathe. but it is shortlived. jungkook tiptoes over you like spilled milk, reaching for a glass of water. you and taehyung lock eyes while the tap runs in the awkward silence. "hey. you okay?"

"um," you're not sure whether to stand up, hug him, look at him, or even face him. "yeah! yeah, i'm fine."

he nods politely. "hyung?"

even taehyung looks visibly uncomfortable. "i'm good."

"cool. see you later," he says, downing the glass impressively fast before leaving the room just as fast as he entered it.

you and taehyung stare at each other again, not understanding why you both feel like kids caught eating cake before dinner. you could feel the sweat pricking at your back from the realisation. jungkook had no idea you'd be here, and given that interaction he'd probably want to leave now. there was always the inkling woven between his radio silence that he was done with you, but you never let yourself take it seriously out of logic. because how could months of passion and tenderness and honesty be undone so irrevocably like that? it didn't make sense. you hadn't changed. you were the same girl he hit on relentlessly and chased against all odds. so what was different now?

"____," taehyung calls your name gently, and it's only then you realise you're already up and trailing after jungkook into the living room. when you walk in he's already putting his shoes on to leave again, barely making eye contact with you while he chats absently to his hyungs so he can look busy. the four boys on the large sofa can only reply wearily, eyes darting between the pair of you like a firework was about to blow to soon. and it was.

you could feel it in your throat, under your breast bone, bubbling up your stomach. "wait, jungkook. um...h-how have you been? i haven't heard from you in-"

"i've been good," he keeps tying and re-tying his laces without looking up. "super busy. you know how it is."

his curtness makes you flinch. this same time last month jungkook used to kiss you senseless before he had both feet in the door. he'd ring the doorbell incessantly like a child and greet you with the biggest, toothiest grin you had ever seen. he'd make fun of your bed head and squeeze your cheeks until you'd snap at him. and now when he looked at you he hated every second of it. your mother had the same look. your eyes start to burn involuntarily. "yeah, i do. how is uni? your final project is due soon, right? what theme did you pick in the end?"

"the one i told you about," he stands up abruptly. "sorry, noona. something came up. i'll see you arou-"

"something came up?" you step closer to him. "something came up the second you saw my face? or did you really just trek all the way to your hyungs' place for a glass of water, jungkook?"

jungkook stiffens, but is determined not to lose face. and it's difficult to do under your big, accusatory eyes and jimin's death stare at his back. the whole room was waiting for his response, so he just shoves his hands in his pockets resolutely. "i needed to see yoongi hyung, but i can come another time."

you fold your arms. "well it's clearly important, and you're here now. so don't let me stop you."

"but you will stop me," jungkook snaps. "that's the problem."

"kook-ah," yoongi warns quietly, but he took one look at your face and knew the damage was done. jimin was already standing up, circling around the back of the sofa towards you. the red lights were all there; your watery eyes, your trembling hands. every breath you took looked difficult for you to complete and only jimin noticed.

"what are you talking about?" you squint. it takes you a second to understand; yoongi's guilty expression, jungkook's indifference. "oh, you're fucking kidding me." your resolve breaks for a second turning away only to glare back at jungkook with so much fire you can hardly stand it. "you're selling again? are you insane, jungkook?"

"see," jungkook's eyes are stony. "i knew you'd get this way."

"what other way am i supposed to get?" his lack of response only infuriates you more. it felt disrespectful. "jungkook, you're not a kid anymore. if you get caught with drugs the consequences are serious! forget the potential jail time, you could get kicked out of university, it would go on your record forever and-"

"stop talking to me like i'm a kid!"

"then stop acting like one!" you hate raising your voice, but it keeps climbing without your approval. "did you think about this for even five minutes? this isn't like just going to juvie like before and being done with it jungkook. your hyungs can't bail you out of everything."

"this is a lot of talk for someone who lapped up those fancy paints without a second thought," jungkook says darkly. his eyes aren't like you remember, his face solemn and near unrecognisable. "or did you think that getting that kind of money overnight is only something that's possible through daddy's credit card?"

dread blooms like a garden inside you. "that's...that's how you bought the paint set?"

"welcome to the real world," he quips. "as if selling overpriced weed to a bunch of pick-me-freshmans is considered a crime against humanity to anyone but you."

"you think that's why i'm yelling at you right now?" your voice was growing hoarse, desperate. "you think that's the problem i have with you being literal drug dealer, jungkook?"

he hates it. the sweltering silence, the judgmental eyes digging into his back, the slow realisation that the tears in your eyes were not at him but for him. jungkook's ears ring enough to make him sway on the spot if his feet weren't planted so firmly on the dingy carpet, this metaphorical ground. he couldn't shake the feeling that his lifestyle was only an issue now because of you, how he never felt a shred of guilt about any of this shit until he met you. and if there was anything that jungkook never responded well to, it was pity. and he could feel it from every person in the room, all people that that once cherished and coddled him until you came along. he swallows, throat dry from the way he couldn't look at you knowing what he was going to say next.

"you're embarrassing yourself, noona. you're not my girlfriend and you never were, so stop acting like it."

cotton. it's very faint, under the layers of conflicting cologne and beer and smoke, but jungkook still smelled of cotton while he spat acid. nobody could speak, even though jungkook never raised his voice let alone a hand to you, it still hit like a slap in the face. it sunk into the walls, your clothes, suddenly every hair on your body felt heavy with it. dirty. the shame came first, the humiliation next. and then the sorrow, the dread, and finally the defeat. you knew the stages well by now, and they were cycling through you like clockwork. how foolish you were, to make the same mistake again. nobody dared to move, everyone but jungkook staring at you in denial and horror. they couldn't believe their eyes when you nod steadily, bowing your head to the floor.

jimin is already slotting himself between you, his jaw tight. "that's enough, kook. just leave already."

"no," you stop him, unnervingly resigned. that single word cuts through all six men with ease. "he's right." you step around jimin, closing the space between you and jungkook. for a brief moment he wonders if you'll actually hit him, but somehow watching you unclasp his watch from your wrist and drop it on the coffee table in front of him is far worse. the sound seems to ring like church bells, definitive and umistakable. "you're right, i'm not your girlfriend. you win jungkook."

they all watch you leave in dismay, listen to the door closing softly behind you. within a second jimin sprints after you, calling your name, leaving everyone else dumbfounded. jungkook's stare could bore a hole into the abandoned watch on the table, still ticking away like nothing changed. like his eyes weren't burning, lightheaded at the realisation that he would never wear a watch again let alone the one he put on you.

x

x

x

to an outsider, you looked like you were coping well considering you just got dumped in front of all your friends. but jimin knew that face. your stony eyes, lips pulled thin as if to seal inside the collapse of a monument. you took the tea he offered, and then his arms, your face finding his chest with ease. muscle memory. his torso was a tad shorter than jungkook's, his heart closer to your mouth as if the steady thumps were asking for a kiss of acknowledgement. every time you close your eyes you could see jungkooks face, hard and unforgiving and nothing like the man you trusted all this time. but it wasn't a new expression; you parents looked at you similarly the last time you saw them. it was the look of someone who had no regrets cutting all ties. and now, jungkook was behind them in a lost list of people who chose to be strangers over loving you.

jimin sighs when you cry into his chest, brushing the back of your head gently. he had been ready for this for months, but he still hated to see you this way. again. it made his bones itch, his skin crawl uncomfortably every time you weeped. the only time he considered violence was when you were crying. but he knew what to do, laying down across the sofa so you could curl up into a ball next him, head on his bicep and face smushed into the crook of his shoulder. you used to cry like this for hours and hours, his arm familiar with the prickle of pins and needles. but it was the only place you felt safe. tucked into jimin's side is where you would always belong, and that truth was more glaringly obvious than ever now.

"lets get something to eat," he offers eventually, hand craddling the crown of your head like a child. jimin's other hand on your hip is warm and heavy when he pats you soothingly. in your episodes, you responded well to touch. "what about thai food?"

"not hungry," you grumble against him.

"we could make something together?" he peers down at your lack of response. "come on, babe. you gotta eat something. you didn't even have breakfast-"

"why am i so stupid?" you whisper, a fresh bout of tears welling up.

jimin rubs your thigh. "it's not your fault."

"yes it is. jungkook gave me plenty of red flags, and i ignored all of them-"

"oh, i meant you being stupid."

you scoff. "cheers."

"what?" jimin cocks a brow when you lift your head to look up at him. he wets his lips and you follow the swipe of his tongue thoughtlessly, distracted enough by his touch and proximity that you take a second to digest his words. "it's not like any of this exactly came as a surprise. you ignored me, remember? wanted to flex your big girl pants."

you pull away from him and sit up, forcibly shutting out the daze that jimin routinely puts you under. "what's wrong with you? can't you be polite and wait for a couple hours before laying into me like a normal person? jesus, jimin."

"so let me get this straight," jimin sits up, watching your back as you sit away from him. "you're mad because i'm not telling you what you want to hear?"

"no," you say, head shaking. "i'm not mad. i'm upset because i came here to be comforted by my friend and you're just making me feel worse."

"what do you want me to say, ____? that i had high hopes from the start?" jimin pushes his hair back, brows now at a sharp incline from frustration. "i told you starting something with jungkook was trouble but you didn't listen. why should i feed your victim complex when all i've done is try to help you?"

"victim complex?" you repeat, standing up slowly. the sudden steadiness of your voice causes jimin to panic.

"not like that. don't take it like that, it's just," he's suddenly before you, his warm hands palming up your arms warmly. "i didn't wanna see you get like this and it happened anyway, is all i'm saying." he sighs when your scowl doesn't let up. "if hobi hyung hadn't have given up so easy, then maybe…maybe this would never have happened. maybe if i had been harsher with him then you would have-"

"what are you talking about?" you ask quietly, searching jimin's face. "give up so easy? what's that supposed to mean?"

he looks away, hands slipping off you. "it's nothing."

"jimin."

he struggles to look at you, tongue in cheek. his lips purse for a moment, pink like roses. he's wearing that navy jumper you like. "look, it's not a big deal. he wasn't supposed to fuck you or anything, just take you out for a while. get your mind off kookie, show you a nice time."

your blood runs cold. "what?"

jimin's expression softens. "it's not as bad as it sounds-"

"really?" your voice is sharp, sharper than he's ever heard it. you recoil as if you had been struck for the second time today. "because it sounds like you asked some guy to keep me occupied like i'm a fucking dog. all because you can't stand the idea of me being within a meter of jungkook-"

he steps in, but you step back. "you know that's not true, _."

"don't i?" you scoff, covering your face in disbelief. "jimin, you've been hellbent against me even looking at the guy since day fucking one."

"because i didn't want you to get hurt!" jimin counters, eyes downcast. "i know, okay? i know how much of a dick it makes me sound, but its not like it hurt you when you had no idea! hoseok broke it off before you even knew about it so why-"

"because it's worse," you turn away from him. "you tried to control me. choose what's best for me because you think you know better than i do. sound familiar?"

his jaw sets, and it's like you can hear the twine snap in his head, the percussion of his heartbeat above yours even though he doesn't close the space between you. jimin stares at you for a long minute before drawing in a thin breath. "fine," he steps in, and you can't look away. "you want me to say it? fine. i'll say it."

suddenly the air is lace thin around you as you stare at him, waiting. jimin looks off somewhere else, somewhere you can't reach. "don't tell me you haven't thought about it, because i know you have. if i have you must have too. and lately its all i can think about - being with you, holding you, being the one who gets to touch you. and yeah, maybe it took having to see you with jungkook for me to realise how much i want all that, i put my hands up. but you have no idea what's it like to watch the person you love most get toyed around with by a time bomb like that. i've seen jungkook go through girls like underwear and i love him, god i love him, but even the idea of you being one of those wasted girls sitting outside a party crying over his sorry ass makes my fucking ears ring."

"j-jimin…" you whisper, but you have nothing to say. your hands shake.

"you deserve more than that, ____. you deserve more than waiting around for booty calls or living up to what the next guy wants. from jungkook, hoseok, anyone. you deserve someone's devotion and yeah, maybe all this time i've been too much of a pussy to give it. maybe all this time i was tiptoeing around my feelings for you because i knew if i admitted to myself that i loved you - if i admitted i was just like every other guy - i'd actually set the bar for something other than disappointment. id actually have to step up, and i didn't know if i could do it. i still don't. but if it has to be someone…it should be me."

suddenly he's holding your hands, calming the tremble that rattles them. his words bunch up together in your ears, the meaning lost amidst your awe. "jimin….jimin what are you saying? where is all this coming from, i don't...i don't understand wh-"

"i'm saying," he cups your face. "choose me." he pulls you in. so, so close. "choose me, not jungkook. not anyone else. me."

and there's a part of you that has already caved. that's already kissing him, melting into his arms like you've wanted to for so, so long. you're falling back onto the couch with him in a fit of giggles, curling back into his chest to hide your watery eyes, asking him why the fuck he took so long. you chat together between teasing kisses, pour your hearts out, maybe cry a little. later you would make tea and order pad thai and watch the office all night and fall asleep together in the living room well past dawn and then-

you close your eyes. "i can't."

"you can," jimin says, so passionately you shudder. his brown eyes are teaming with too much determination and ardour for his own good, and you both know it. its difficult to grapple with how huge a risk he's taking, because jimin never takes risks. it made the whole situation seem dire. "you know you can, ____. it's us. there's no one like us."

you don't know how you're not crying yet. you only have jimin to hold onto, hands balled in his shirt without knowing if you're about to push him away or pull him in forever. "maybe back then. maybe if you'd have said all this before," you feel empty, the beat of your pulse suddenly strong in your fingertips. "but it doesn't matter anymore."

he shakes his head in denial, his determination palpable. "of course it does-"

"i'm in love with him," you say. to jimin. to yourself. to the world, finally. "i'm in love with jungkook." holding jimin's stare isn't as difficult as you thought it'd be. "you know if you'd have done all this a few months ago…if you'd have just...i was always yours without question, jimin. and you knew it." it's his turn to bristle under the strain of your voice. "jungkook isn't perfect. i'll be the first one to admit that. he's made me cry, he fucks up, he makes mistakes. but he's never lied to me. he never made decisions for me. he never passed judgement on what i should or shouldn't do with my life. something that i never thought i wouldn't able to say about you, too."

there's a brief moment where everything stops. neither of you can believe what you just said. jimin watches you, frozen in his place as you take your bag, eyes glittering with tears when he calls for you. suddenly he's the time bomb he feared becoming, the panic in his eyes lighting them up like fire crackers. for the first time in his life, he stumbles over his words, and then his feet when you reach for the door, all composure lost. he was unravelling like a tapestry in front of you, never to be repaired, and he could feel it. "____. ____, please," jimin chokes, his cheeks blotchy. "i wanted to protect you, i was just trying to help. don't go. please don't go. i was trying to help you."

"no. you were trying to have me." you say, closing the door behind you.

x

x

x

you have no idea what time it is when you hear the bell ring incessantly.

it had been hours since you'd returned home from jimin's, but there was no way for you to keep track when your only priority was just keeping yourself afloat. you turned your phone off, drew the curtains, and resolved to alternate between sitting in seulgi and jisoo's rooms until they came back. you didn't know what else to do. when you weren't crying you were hyperventilating, and when that stopped the absence of emotion was so powerful you could barely keep your eyes open. you were exhausted but could not sleep. starving but could not eat. it was a miracle you even made it down the stairs, using what little strength you had to yank it open without even thinking about who could be on the other side in the middle of the fucking night. but at this point, you would gladly take a serial killer over jimin or jungkook.

"taehyung," you breathe when you take in his face, relieved. you must look like absolute shit because he scans your face and winces. 

"jimin told me," he says, the apology in his voice and expression was almost painful to register. "he told me everything. ____, i'm so sorry. i should have told you about the hoseok thing, i just thought it would be worse coming from me, and then i tried to force jimin into confessing but then he didn't because he's jimin, and now-"

"you're only allowed to come inside if you stop apologising," you say weakly, voice haggered from the hours of crying.

taehyung's pouty expression almost makes you smile with how cute he looks, gingerly stepping over the threshhold. "i really am sorry though."

"for what," you say monotonously, closing the door behind him while he takes off his shoes. "my inexplicably terrible taste in men? my uncanny ability to get manipulated by literally anyone who shows me a scrap of affection? or my absolutey shredded-to-shit attachment style thats barely intact let alone functioning healthily? after hoppping between the first two for a few hours i'd personally go for the latter. but whatever."

"please shut up," taehyung sighs, bringing you into his arms before you could have a second thought about it. "you need to amp up the misandry in this context. a lot of this had nothing to do with you and everything to do jimin and jungkook."

you're too tired to open your eyes, snuggling into the softness of taehyung's chest. you’re too exhausted to argue. "where did you learn the word misandry? have you been reading?"

"yeah," you can hear his big, pleased grin. "i know you and the girls have been calling me a himbo behind my back."

"affectionately," you add, peering up at him. he wipes the wetness off your cheeks, moving upstairs to your room with your hand in his. he fetches you a glass of water before putting you into bed like he's paid to do it. taehyung was the cuddliest person you had ever met, but you had rarely seen him dote on anyone. "girls love himbos. it's a compliment."

"not all girls," he mutters when he returns from the bathroom with a glass of water. "drink this, would you? you look so dry it's making me itchy."

you do as he says with a roll of your eyes. "what do you mean?" you finish your water with a big gulp. "jisoo loves dumb guys, what are you talking about?"

taehyung looks away from you, bottom lip rolling up under his teeth so fast you barely catch it. he pulls up your desk chair next to your bed, thinking long and hard before meeting your eyes again. "i don't mean jisoo."

you don't understand at first, but after staring at his face for a long minute your stomach drops. "don't. don't you fucking dare," another beat of silence. you rip the covers off you to scamble to your knees, grab your pillow and hurl it at taehyung's head. "taehyung, please don't tell me that the one remaining, healthy relationship i have with a man has also been shot to shit because i swear to god i'm gonna-"

"it's not a big deal," he says firmly, and he really does mean it. taehyung catches your wrists when you lunge at him, effectively ending your outburst before it can begin. he keeps hold of them while he stares into your eyes, watching the way they fill up with a fresh bout of tears. "i've had a crush on you for a while, so what? it's not anyone's business but mine so don't worry about it."

you try not to scream at him. "how long?"

"...since the start." he shrugs. "it's not like i could have done anything anyway. with jimin around. he’d never have it."

"but...! but..." you splutter, the highlight reel of your friendship suddenly marred before your eyes. "but you let me talk to you about boys! you gave me advice with hobi and jimin and jungkook and...! you encouraged jimin to confess to me. and the whole thing with jisoo?"

he wets his lips guiltily. "jisoo is a nice girl. i like her, but...not like you. i've always liked you."

you shake your head in horror, your face crumpling. bile rose in your throat. "so all of that...playing with my friend like that. was just to get to me?"

"listen to me," taehyung says firmly, gripping your wrists to make you look at him again. he's so close you can feel the warmth of his breath on yours, and you never realised how large taehyung's torso was compared to yours before. he could have smothered you, but he didn't. in all senses. "the way jimin and jungkook handled their feelings is on them, just like how this is on me. it doesn't matter if i'm fucking you or not, you're my friend and i'll always want people to do right by you. and that includes me."

there was nothing else to say, so taehyung wordlessly wipes your face again and fetches you more water before retreating to sleep on the couch downstairs. all the while you sat there in your bed, confused and bewildered and thoughtful. the same bed jungkook fucked you on. the same bed jimin held you in. out of all the men in your life, taehyung was the only one who treated his feelings for you with reverence. there wasn't one interaction you could think of where he made his feelings clear, where he even hinted towards wanting something more. if he hadn't have said anything tonight, in the wake of one of the most emotionally tumultuous days of your life, you would still be in the dark about it all. and that was the scariest part. you didn't know anyone else who hadn't let their feelings for you effect how they treated you. so ultimately, it was possible.

and jimin and jungkook chose not to do that. but taehyung did.

taehyung did.

when you finally pad downstairs after hours of ruminating, jisoo's bedroom door is wide open. and that's who you should be thinking about now - your friend and sister jisoo - as the sky begins to lighten with the signs of morning. you hadn't slept for over twenty four hours, you were hungry and thirsty, delirious from the whirlwind of losing the two most important men in your life in one day. but still, you are drawn to taehyung. taehyung, who never asked anything of you. taehyung, who was as silent as he was selfless this whole time. taehyung who routinely put what he wanted aside in favour of what was best for you. taehyung, who protected you without needing credit or recognition for it. taehyung, taehyung, taehyung, taehyung, taehyung-

"taehyung," you whisper scraping your nails through his hair. his eyes fluttered open, twisting his head to face you as you hovered above him. he could barely see you in the darkness. "taehyung, wake up."

"what is it?" he croaks, sitting up with half-lidded eyes and a yawn. he doesn't know how to read the expression on your face. he swings his legs off the sofa in a sitting position, wearing nothing but his boxers and tee, visibly alarmed. "what happened? are you okay?"

you take his face in your hands and kiss him. 

taehyung stiffens against you, breath drawn thin. you pull away to gauge his expression, desperately searching his eyes in the darkness. for discomfort, disapproval, anything negative at all. the absolute ardour you find instead could knock you down if taehyung didn't reach for your neck, kissing you again. you whine at the feel of his tongue, having no idea where such sudden and intense arousal was coming from. when you pull away with shaky limbs, you climb onto his thick thighs so he can feel your wetness through his boxers. taehyung grunts at the sensation, and again when you kiss him passionately and without abandon. the sweet girl every guy he knew was agonising over, suddenly in his lap. he's barely had his tongue down your throat for ten minutes and you're already rocking into him, his erection betraying his resolve.

it's better than he dreamed. 

"taehyung," you gasp, palming him now. he groans when he pulls away to look at your mouth, glistening with his saliva when you take his hand and guide it down to your arousal. "please."

[theprologues]

SUBMISSION - Grammys performance symbolism, part two

So, with those reservations safely out of the way, and a warning to readers NOT to hurt themselves by getting their hopes up again … 

What aspects of Taylor’s Grammy’s performance made me think there might be light at the end of the tunnel for Kaylor? 

First, Taylor’s blue and gold performance dress. “Deep blue but you painted me golden” is a line from Dancing With Our Hands Tied, a song that is widely assumed to be about the night of Kissgate. It’s a song where Taylor talks about how miserable (“deep blue”) she was after the collapse of her relationship with Diana and her public reputation in 2013. She describes how her new lover, Karlie, brought her back to life and lit her up with the glow of a new, true love. She painted her golden. But then they were caught in an intimate moment at Kissgate, and Taylor panicked. Her fears and anxieties threatened to drown her, and though she and her new lover tried to dance through the catastrophe, they eventually came to realize they were doing so with their hands tied. They had no hope of swimming to the surface together and breaking free. They could only have done so if Taylor had stood firm and owned their love in the moment, instead of setting in motion the bearding contracts that would change everything. (This is what she means when she says that “if I could dance with you again”, she would “kiss” and “hold” her lover, instead of presumably backing away. If she could do the moment over, she would claim Karlie as her lover, and hold her hand for the world to see, through hell or high water.) 

Though it’s a depressing motif in DWOHT, Taylor has, interestingly, returned to this imagery of a golden tie several times in other songs, painting it in a much more positive light. Most recently, the Willow music video explores this, visually representing the “single thread of gold that tied me to you” which Taylor sings about in Invisible String. Both IS and Willow are happy songs, which describe their lovers as being tied together by fate. “Wherever you go, I’ll follow,” Taylor sings in Willow. In DWOHT, the lovers followed each other to a place of deepest blue. The bottom of the ocean, under the waves, where they couldn’t breathe. In Willow they follow each other to freedom.

That freedom is represented in the Willow music video by the open cabin door the lovers step through at the end of the video. Taylor incorporates this door into the Willow section of her Grammy’s performance, performing first in the open doorway and then stepping through it to perform with her band out in the open. 

But returning to the blue and gold dress. This is not only a very Karlie motif which keeps recurring in her art (often to postitve effect). It’s also a representation of Taylor finding happiness WITHIN the closet. It’s talking about how her partner’s love helps her to bear the depression being in the closet, and fearing exposure, causes her. The fact that Taylor chooses to wear this dress throughout her performance, with no costume changes, suggests a) she is still in the closet, and b) she is still with Karlie, and still considers her love to be such a lifeline. 

If Toe was real and Taylor was happy with him, she could have chosen to wear an all-gold dress for the occasion. If Kaylor was over and she had decided to return to the closet, she could have communicated that by wearing all blue. If Kaylor was over and so far in the past she had moved on with someone new, there was no need to evoke the motif at all. She could simply have laid claim to another color, or worn another prairie type dress to fit the aesthetic. And yet, she didn’t. Why not, if not to communicate what I said above? 

What else is worth considering, in Taylor’s medley? Well, there’s the cabin setting. Taylor and Karlie famously took a trip to Big Sur forest and stayed in a cabin together in 2014, where Karlie was the first person to hear 1989 in full. They took many photos on the trip, including one captioned with “on the way home” (a lyric from You Are In Love, which talks about hearing love in the silence) and one of the two of them looking up at a fallen tree. A VERY similar looking tree appears in the Cardigan music video, and the slanted, moss-covered roof Taylor opens the medley lying on also looks a lot like this tree. Again, curious that she would call back to this if she and Karlie have separated.

Moving on. Taylor opens the medley singing on the roof, looking straight up into the camera. When we pull back we see the stage around set to that of a starry night. Taylor is thus cast as the romantic, the star-gazer. She also calls back to another lyric Kaylors have previously tied to Karlie - “up on the roof with a schoolgirl crush”. It’s been repeatedly tied to Karlie and Taylor’s attendance at the Victoria Secret show after-party. Again, why evoke imagery so tied to the early, happy days of this relationship? 

We then move through a progression of events that sees her hiding inside with friends, before eventually stepping out into the light. That all reads like a visual interpretation of her relationship with Karlie, from her early loneliness and lovestruck dreaming, to the happiness she finds within her little hideaway, to her eventual decision to step out of it and claim her lover. The medley ends on a repetition of “that’s my man”, seemingly hinting that Taylor’s freedom is tied up in her ability to finally say those words. 

What else? Well, there are the Ivy allusions. Taylor’s cabin covered in greenery can’t help but evoke the lyrics of Ivy - “my house of stone, your ivy grows, and now I’m covered in you”. Ivy is widely interpreted as a sapphic song about two women finding love despite their commitments to men. Another line in the song “he’s in the room, your opal eyes are all I wish to see, he wants what’s only yours” is alluded to in Taylor’s choice of opal jewelry on the night. What a weird thing to draw attention to, if you’re not secretly in love with a woman while parading a beard around in public. We’re also told in the song that “he” (possibly the same man, possibly another) wants to burn the house of the Ivy lovers down. Jerk just so happened to announce the baby’s birth on this night, in what felt like an attempt to undermine Taylor’s joy. Hmm. Curious. 

You know what else is curious? Taylor’s choice of outfit for the Grammys red carpet. Not only is the floral dress very reminiscent of a floral ensemble Karlie wore to cover a June (pride month) issue of Spanish Vogue. (Cover subtitled, “flowers of change”.) It’s also by the designer Oscar de la Renta. Taylor and Karlie famously attended one of his shows together early on in their relationship. They sat in the front row looking very cozy, while Taylor refused to answer questions about why she was there and reportedly giggled “my publicist will be mad at me”. Hmm.

Taylor has also worn Oscar de la Renta on numerous occasions while out with Karlie, including most famously at the Met Gala. That iconic pale pink gown that she was buried in the Look What You Made Me Do music video? That was an Oscar de la Renta. There are many interpretations of the scene in the video, but it’s worth noting that Taylor is buried alive in it (which could be interpreted as a metaphor for being closeted) and that in a video all about her various revenge fantasies, she depicts herself crawling back up out of this grave. She views coming back to life and walking away from the flaming wreckage of her past with Big Machine as the ultimate revenge. At the end of the video she clips her own wings while all the past iterations of her argue amongst themselves. This would seem to suggest that she can defeat her enemies but she can’t defeat herself, because she can’t outrun her past, and until then she will always be doomed to self-sabotage. Nevertheless, this Taylor (lurking in the background bedecked in peaced-out palm tree print) is in a much better position than the Taylor who opened the video as a zombie corpse. She’s on the surface and has some hope of freedome, at last. This is a theme we see carried through in the following video, where Taylor goes one-on-one against herself and eventually breaks free.

Long story short? Taylor wearing such a floral, literally blooming dress from THIS designer, of all people, suggests she may finally be about to rise again. The aborted coming out apparently planned for the Lover era (and thus seeded during the Rep era) may finally be a go? 

Again, I’m very reluctant to get people’s hopes up here. But it’s hard to look at this dress and not think of that June (Pride month) floral magazine cover. Or of the Spade riddle, “Why worry? She blooms in June.” Or of the fact that Taylor’s stunts are often loudest before the end. She acknowledged Calvin and hugged him at an awards show before he was booted out of the narrative and Tom H appeared to replace him. (Something like ten days or so after the “split”, if I remember right?) And the inconsistencies of the Toe timeline speak for themselves. There was speculation - unpopular though it was - among Kaylors in the Rep era that guessed Taylor wouldn’t come out until 2021 / 2022. It seemed a world away at the time but who knows? Maybe this was always the plan. Maybe this is all “part of the fucking story”, even the parts that seem ugly or counterproductive. A lot can change in a couple of months in Hollywood, and with Taylor in particular. By June, it’s possible we COULD be looking at a vastly different landscape. Maybe this was one last hurrah for the Toes. Many of them are just harmless fans taking Taylor at her word, after all. 

Only time will tell, and I don’t blame Kaylors for checking out. This isn’t healthy, especially for those of us who are gay ourselves, and can’t help but feel a personal connection to Taylor’s journey out of the closet. We know what a big deal it would be. But for those who still want to hope … It’s just possible Taylor has a plan, and this is the dark night before the dawn. 

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Pro: I added the photos and the bolded parts. Love symbolism. This was truly a spectacular performance. Awesome submission anon!!