#but mostly Wendy and Gina

[hausofmamadas]

AQUÍ DENTRO HAY UNA CAJA NEGRA | Las chingónas de Sky Rojo

♫ To the tune of Mary Magdalene by FKA Twigs ♫

Salud a mi gente!!! It’s been 9 months but I finally did another video skskwjwjw

“Aquí dentro hay una caja negra” = the general thesis of this video and also fuck around and find out😂because these trifling men fucked around and did, indeed, find out

I made this for like me and the 3 other ppl on the internet who’ve seen this show. Also it’s a moral imperative that I give the most massive of shoutouts to @narcolini for showing me this song bc without it, this video would not exist. Like forreal, it had never occurred to me to make a Sky Rojo video until I heard it bc I was in the middle of a Rafa vid that I had to take a break from bc turns out that Tenoch is undercover garbage and I just couldn’t with men Ruining Everything for Everyone with their Dumb Dicks which then made this like some kind of weird feminist clap back attempt but like only in my head

Anyway, I haven’t slept, so I don’t have anything pithy or absurd to scream say so without further ado, please enjoy this unofficial music video/trailer for Sky Rojo but like if it were an Oscar nominated feature😂😂

taglist: @ashlingnarcos @cositapreciosa

[thecheckeredchaser]

Ch 9

Insured Gains

Chapter 10- One Door Closes

Jake woke to the sound of his alarm and groggily reached for it to shut it off. His brain was a total haze for the first couple seconds, and then the memory of the night before flooded back to him. As of late, his first waking thoughts were about Alexis, so it wasn’t surprising that it happened today. However, yesterday they had embarked on something completely new, for himself at least. Jake looked around to find he was alone in the room, slightly disappointed. He looked at his cell and saw a message from Alexis at 2am. “Goodnight Jake.” The message was punctuated with a pink pig emoji. He felt his face heat up at that. He proceeded to get ready, taking the time to clean up the fast food garbage from last night, as well as the trash from pizza the night before that. He packed what he could into the already full can in the kitchen, which was having its limits pushed as a safe haven for take out wrappers. Jake sighed as he pulled the bag out, but felt a flicker of arousal. “Alexis wouldn’t care,” he muttered to himself. “In fact, she’d reward me for it,” he said proudly.

She had certainly rewarded him yesterday. He almost worried if he thought about it too much, he would realize it was an utterly vivid fantasy he’d had. But going off the full-ish feeling he felt upon waking and the Wendy's bag, he guessed it was really real. He wanted to text her, to get a jump start on her attention and praise, but decided against it. Alexis had the power to make Jake feel completely foolish. He co-owned his own company, where his name was listed first. He had a house, technically two, an expensive car, and a big office. Though he was getting divorced, it seemed a further testament of how established he already was. He was confident of himself and generally in complete control of all parts of his life. And yet, Alexis had to merely join his work force and his rigid exterior was instantly harboring jello. None helped by him starting to look more like it on the outside. Or perhaps perfectly helped.

The ultimate silver lining to bulking up like he had was getting Alexis’ attention. He would never have dreamed of garnering the interest of an essential Playboy model, let alone being completely under the control of one. Jake didn’t love to dwell on how much younger Lexi was, as it started to feel creepy if he did so, but he was enticed by the fact. She could be with anyone she chose. But she chose him. And in her youth, she didn’t hold onto the same old fashioned principles he had. She was a millennial who lived by the philosophy of ‘go big or go home’, ‘YOLO’, and ‘#treat yourself’. He appreciated that spark in her. She liked getting trendy foods for the fun of trying them, and followed blogs to stay up to date on the latest food porn. Certainly the kind the public was aware of, and probably also the kind they weren't aware of.

Jake and his wife had gotten into a true rut of doing and talking about the same things. Her job, friend, and a morning talk show that was mostly gossip, but she discussed it like news. When she started to be insufferable about his weight, it became her new thing to talk about. A coworker told her about this diet. He would need to lose weight if they were going to vacation in Mexico. Was he really comfortable in that shirt? Jake was beyond happy to not have to entertain and dodge those conversations.

He made his way to work and noticed that Alexis’ car was already in the garage. Jake felt his heart flutter. He zipped by Gina, only offering a wave and nod. He didn’t have time to play her little game. She had really amped it up, since Alexis and himself had started actively flirting, and more. He guessed Lexi was right. Gina was picking up on more than he knew.

He stepped out of the elevator and felt his heart burst when her smile greeted him. “Hey,” he said.

“Hey,” she responded, her smile still beaming. He wanted to tell her how disappointed he was that she hadn’t stayed, but didn’t want to put any inadvertent pressure on her to be more romantic with him or to come off clingy. He decided to go to what he was confident in. Work.

“What is on the schedule today?” he said, putting a hand in his pocket. Alexis grinned and looked at her screen, still finding joy in working under him. But her smile shifted into a cringing look. “What?”

“You have a meeting with the lawyers today?” she offered gently.

“Cedar Pines? Again?” he questioned. He scratched his head, confused.

“Your… personal lawyers.” Jake sighed. Of course. He was meeting with the divorce lawyers. He looked at Alexis, clearly taking the hit to his mood. He processed the information and looked at her curiously. “It’s at 8:00,” she said grimacing. “In 40 minutes.”

“Thanks for reminding me. What a blow, huh?” he said, trying to laugh at the situation.

“I got you breakfast.” Lexi lifted a McDonald’s bag up cheerily, the hashbrowns calling to him through the grease stain.

“Because you are perfect.” He took the bag from her and gestured his head to his office, offering her to join him. He enjoyed the sausage biscuit first as an appetizer, before moving onto the sausage egg McMuffin. He was not hungry until she had mentioned it, and he felt himself radiate in his gluttonous routine. He looked up at Alexis who enjoyed a fruit parfait herself. “I really appreciate this Lexi. You have certainly overindulged me a bit lately. Especially yesterday.” He was surprised she had not already brought it up herself.

“It was a phenomenal day and evening. I was a little worried you wouldn’t be hungry enough to eat breakfast,” she teased with a wink.

“So worried that you got me two sandwiches.” His anxiety about the upcoming meeting resurfaced. He had hoped that it would get rescheduled again, as it had last time. Typically it could delay another month or two before everyone was available to have a meeting again. He was hoping he could avoid going to court, but every time he got on the call, his wife reminded him of exactly why her filing was a gift. He wanted it over, but also never wanted to see her again. It disgusted him to hear how she talked about the possessions they collected in their life together. And she found an infinite number of ways to slip in jabs about his weight. His brows furrowed and instantly raised when he looked at Alexis. “Would you want to sit in on the meeting? Secretly,” he asked. She looked beyond intrigued.

“I’m definitely not supposed to,” she said naughtily. He nodded. “I’d love to. As long as you don’t think it will be too invasive for you.”

“For me? Not at all. I think you might enjoy it.”

“More than you enjoyed breakfast?” Jake had just finished sipping his coffee and put the back of his hand to his mouth, unsuccessfully attempting to mute a belch. He watched a surge of pleasure wash over her.

“You make me this way,” he accused, rubbing his belly. It was nothing close to the damage done yesterday. He thought he would never feel full again after that indulgence, but his quick breakfast proved to be sitting atop his lingering bloat from the night before.

“And I’m proud.” she went over and prodded his belly, her touch ever familiar to him. He nearly whimpered as her fingers ran over his belly's dome. He felt himself swoon, thinking of each moment the day prior when he thought he couldn't eat anymore and Lexi encouraged him. That evening she could not get enough of him, nor he of her. "You are just down to chow always huh?" She said playfully, pushing the hash brown to his lips and halfway into his mouth. He was excited by her assertiveness, though eating the hash brown in two bites was very routine for him. It was greasy and crispy. She had him finish the other half and kissed his shimmering lips. She handed him his drink and rubbed his stomach, expectantly. Jake could feel it brewing inside him, and it came to surface with a few loving pats from Alexis.

"Grwaaup." She winked at him and Jake smiled back bashfully, cleaning up his desk.

"I wonder if she'll notice."

"Notice what?"

"How much of a pig you've been. Duh," she said, slipping out of the office to get ready to eavesdrop. Jake's hands subconsciously stroked his gut before he snapped back to business.

She poured herself some tea, and Jake nervously tested his camera and microphone. Since the pandemic and the influx of zoom meetings, he became increasingly worried he’d have a technological faux pas, having seen too many professionals meet their demise that way. Alexis returned and sat curled up in the chair across from his desk with her laptop. He hovered over the ‘start call’ button and clicked after Alexis gave an encouraging and eager nod.

Marcella’s face popped up on the screen and Jake felt his expression go to stone. He respectfully listened to their lawyers do their pleasant introductions and get the meeting started. “When we last met we came to the agreement that Mrs. Andrews,” Jakes’ lawyer started. Jake couldn’t stand to hear her called that and smirked when he looked over at Alexis who was fake gagging. “Will get the boat and Mr. Andrews will keep the cabin. We have just a few things to review and hopefully we can come to an agreement today. Finally.”

“And we cannot revisit those items at all?” Marcella’s voice shook the speakers, from her audio being out of whack.

“I think your lawyer will agree, ma’am, that we have revisited those items ad nauseam.” Jake chuckled at the exasperated expression of his wife’s lawyer, who clearly regretted taking her on as such a difficult client. They began discussing the home the two shared. The same home that Jake had personally designed and had built for the two of them, without her financial support. He thought it was silly to divide up anything and to consider giving her ownership of what was so clearly his. His lawyer knew he wanted the house over everything. Jake glanced back at Lexi, who though trying to get some semblance of work done, could not stop listening to the call. He looked down at his phone as it lit up.

Alexis had sent, “You look so hot. Wish I knew what she looked like”. Jake snuck a picture of his screen and sent it to her. Marcella was not ugly, by any means, but she was no smokeshow. She looked perhaps slightly slimmer than when he had moved out, no doubt in an effort to prove how debilitating his company had been, failing the acknowledge, as always, that it had been the lavish lifestyle she loved so much. He didn’t want to notice how much older she looked, despite wearing enough makeup to supply a circus. Alexis texted again, “4/10”. He had to stop himself from laughing, checking to ensure his mic was off. He assumed this was how kids in high school or college felt, when texting during class. He supposed it could apply to a work meeting, but he could hardly take his attention away to text during that.

“I just feel like there are certain things I should get by default, since Jake doesn’t even use them. And before you ask for specifics Johnathan,” she said snidely to Jake’s lawyer, “I have a list prepared. I think I should get all the workout equipment, including the Bowflex Home Gym. He simply doesn’t have enough will power points to sit on the bench. I also want the value of the hot tub, if I cannot have the house. He won't even take his shirt off at a private pool. Wasteful. But kind. This is unusual, but I think I should get his ring. I know I didn’t purchase it, but it simply does not fit his fat fingers.” Jake braced himself to control his expression as he glanced over the screen. Alexis’ mouth was gaping open. She looked like she wanted to scream and laugh, and when she quietly left the office, Jake assumed it was for exactly that. He could see Marcellla looking at him on the camera, and made an effort to glare directly into the lens. Jake’s lawyer took the opportunity to remind her that this was not her stage to criticize Jake from.

Alexis re-entered with something in her hand. She placed a small paper bag on his desk, remaining out of view. Jake looked in the bag and pulled out two donuts. Jelly and chocolate frosted sprinkle. He didn’t have to ask her if she expected him to eat them, as it was far too obvious. Jake felt the heat on the back of his neck as he brought the bright white jelly donut to his mouth, drinking up Alexis’ stare. She seemed to be looking at him, but entirely focused on the audio from the computer. Marcella had begun a rampage on how frustrating it was to be shushed every time she brought up his weight, because for her it was exactly relevant.

“Would we be sitting here today if Jake could stop himself from stuffing his face? No. Look at him right now!” she shrieked in frustration. Jake took another huge bite, expertly catching the jelly that attempted to escape with his tongue. “I know you do this stuff on purpose Jake. You look like you gained 20 lbs since I saw you last, and that is in your face alone! Stand up. Give us a twirl. I'll do one!” Jake could see that Marcella was still raging, but had been muted by her own lawyer, who proceeded to pull her into a private window. Jake’s lawyer shook his head and gave him a thumbs up. They both knew it would be over soon. Jake pushed the rest of his donut into his mouth. Alexis gestured to him that the corners of his mouth were still powdered and he licked at the corners suggestively, even though on camera.

The lawyer and very aggravated woman both rejoined the main call. The lawyer sighed as he turned his mic on. “Marcella has a last request for Jake before proceeding.” She looked displeased with the intro, but cleared her throat.

“Jake. I would be happy to drop all this. All the lawyers and fighting. If you are committed to getting healthier, I would be more than satisfied in taking you back.” Jake stared at the screen and then to Lexi, who looked like she was watching Jerry Springer. Jake turned back to the screen. He hit unmute.

“I know you are joking now. So glad you found your sense of humor Marcella.”

“Jake, I am not joking. I found success in my weightloss, no doubt you noticed. You could too. We could start a family and live happily together again.” Jake couldn’t keep his face straight or respectful.

“Why am I struggling to remember what that was like?” he said rudely. “Marcella. We are certainly not getting together again. I never wanted a family. You don’t actually like me. And frankly, I don’t really like you.” Jake glanced at his phone to see it blowing up with fire emojis. He picked up the second donut, catching Marcella’s shocked look upon noticing.

“Jake, you don’t have the privilege to be so choosy. You are eating another donut right now. Do you not hear how ridiculous that is? I just don’t know how you think you will find anybody who puts up with your gross habits.” Jake rubbed at his belly, just thinking about how Alexis would more than put up with him and his habits.

“Marcella. Just stop. It’s over. Seriously. What is it you really want so that you can leave me alone?” He stuffed half of the donut in his mouth. She appeared disgusted, but was thinking.

“If I can get the boat, the Porsche, and the little motorcycle you got and never rode, I’ll sign whatever I have to now.” Jake stared back shocked. Alexis looked on, unsure if it was an insane request.

“That’s it? All this and that’s your big ask?” Both the lawyers waited with bated breath.

“And I want to keep all the jewelry!” Jake scoffed, knowing that gifts weren’t on the table for his taking anyway. Jake laughed.

“All yours.” Jake’s lawyer, Johnathan, did not skip a beat, jumping in before anyone had the chance to change their mind. He reported that he would write up the newest proposal and send it over to Marcella’s lawyer for review and signing. Jake ended the call just as Marcella tried to wish him well.

“Oh my god!” Alexis squealed. She ran over and hugged Jake. “That is really good news right?”

“The absolute best. This time tomorrow, I’ll be officially single. Man!” Jake finished the bit of donut he had left.

"She was totally unreal. So shady and yet clearly hoping to stay with you." Alexis ran her hands down his jacket, her most loved enemy. "She was really harsh about all the weight stuff huh?" She offered sympathetically. He shrugged, and played in her hair. He didn't care to dwell on her too much, but was interested in Lexi's perspective. "Did you really outgrow your ring," she asked mischievously.

"That did happen. But I'll say she already tried ordering it smaller because she was really banking on my big weight-loss kicking off. It did not." Alexis laughed heartily. She sighed only to laugh again and attempt to settle herself with another sigh.

"I have some work to get to. I sort of played hookie yesterday," she said with a wink. "I know you adore working," she said sincerely.

"I should too. Maybe we'll get a late lunch?"

"Sounds great."

Ch 11

[timingmatters]

Was gonna curse the writers of sky rojo for leaving Gina as background throughout the season but then I remembered s1 and 2 were filmed together, meaning s2 was written at the same time before s1 was even released. S1 and 2 are basically one season split in two parts. For the same reason all that shit was written and mostly filmed before the audience’s reactions. So while I found it annoying, I’m gonna enjoy the fact that Lali (actress who plays Wendy and also the reason I started the show) carried this season and hope we see more Gina in s3.

S2 was good though. I really liked it. It was more triggering though, and some scenes in s1 that were mostly sexual were a lot more rough this season as you could see the aggression towards the girls a lot more explicitly rather than implied. I didn’t think it glorified it or sexualized it at all tho, and you see the pain, the aftermath, and the ptsd of it all. But is still incredibly hard to watch. Is a show i would recommend while simultaneously say those with triggers shouldn’t watch it because is ROUGH.

For those interested in this season, one of the hardest scenes to watch happens in ep 1. And Wendy’s arc this season revolves a lot around her ptsd of many assaults, so pls be aware of it.

[khoicesbyk]

A Child’s Place.

A/N: this is my first attempt at a drabble. I’m not used to writing something so short but; I did it! I hope you enjoy!

Rated: G. (I went way outta my comfort zone with this one.) | Bolded and/or italicized words are conversations and thoughts of the characters. | Characters: Mason Dalton | All Characters: names are property of Pixelberry. | Current Word Count: 960 words. (more or less. I stop counting after editing and re-editing. 🤷🏾‍♀️)

This is a short story from Mason’s perspective of his dad and my MC’s relationship.

It’s always been me, dad and my dumb “older” twin brother Mickey. Just the way I liked it. Us. Just us. We were happy. Dad can busy like crazy busy; but we know he loves us. We would have movie night. We have grandma and grandpa. We have Mr. Carter and Ms. Lillian. We especially have Ms. Lillian’s yummy sugar cookies. We have uncle Robin. We even have Aunt Sofia…whether we like it or not is another story. But mostly we have dad. We didn’t need anything else.

Until we met Krystal. She’s our nanny. But really; she’s our best friend. She’s pretty. She’s crazy smart. She’s really funny. She can actually cook!…don’t tell dad I said that! She doesn’t yell at me or Mickey when we don’t eat all our yucky veggies. She reads my favorite story at night. And we always do fun stuff! She taught us how to skate! We fly kites! And she always lets us have dessert. And she‘s close with dad. Like really close.

I remember the first time we met her. Mickey and I were out on the sea; we were hunting sea monsters and pirates, that’s when we saw her. She walked in and we thought she was the sea goddess Calypso; like the one in Pirates Of The Caribbean. We knew Calypso was trouble so we had to capture her; and bind her in bones; like The Brethren Court. But she was fast! She grabbed a sword and we dueled with her. She was a good swordsman? Or is it swordswoman? Eh…who knows?

She had us on the defense; that’s when dad came around the corner and stopped us. When they looked at each other; something felt weird. Like a good weird. The way they looked at each other was all cute and gross. I think she liked him and I really think he liked her.

It wasn’t until after helping us with our bath and reading us a bedtime story that; we found out she would be our nanny. We’ve had a lot of nannies. We had, Sandy, Wendy, Farrah, Gina, Nicole, Kelsey and our last nanny’s name was Hallie. And now we have Krystal. She’s been so different than the others we’ve had. She’s been fun. Very fun.

And her and dad have gotten close. Like REALLY close. Me and Mickey caught them kissing! Okay…they didn’t know we were there but still! They were kissing! Gross! What if they both had cooties?! Yuck! But they really like each other. They spend a lot of time together. When she’s not playing with or taking care of us; she’s with dad. When we’re watching Disney+; they sit together. I like it a lot. I think dad does too.

He’s not like this with Aunt Sofia. When he’s with her; he looks sad. Not like when he’s with Krystal. With Krystal; he’s always smiling, laughing and fun. With Aunt Sofia; he’s never fun. He just does what she says. And she’s just…she’s Aunt Sofia. She doesn’t even know how to tell me and Mickey apart! Its easy just ask Krystal! She can tell us apart! I wear glasses! And she lets us have bacon and waffles and milkshakes! Aunt Sofia makes us eat…wheat germ, kale and egg whites! Double yuck! But dad seems to like Aunt Sofia…I think; so I guess I have to as well. Even if she’s boring; I guess I can like her. But she’s not Krystal. And she’s not mommy.

One day when dad was in his office at home; I saw dad holding a picture of mommy. I think he misses mommy a lot. I know what mommy looks like; but I don’t know her. I wish I did. I wish she knew Krystal. I think mommy would like her. I don’t think; mommy would like Aunt Sofia though. One day when dad was feeling sad about mommy; Krystal was there to make him feel better. She always makes dad feel better

Then there was the time; they danced together in the living room. We weren’t supposed to be awake but we wanted a snack. And we decided to invade the kitchen for another one of Ms. Lillian’s sugar cookies. That’s when we saw dad and Krystal dancing together. Dad didn’t see us but Krystal did. After she said something to dad; she came to the kitchen, gave us each a cookie and told us to go back to bed.

She always does things like that. She always asks me and my brother how we’re feeling when we feel sad or mad. She helps us with our math and reading. She sings and dances with us. We’re silly. We make TikTok videos all the time. We always go places. Like when we went D.C.Con! Krystal got to dress up with us. I was Green Lantern, my brother was Miles Morales, dad was Black Panther and Krystal was Bumblebee! We got to meet and take pictures with so many actors! It was awesome!

Which is why I don’t understand why dad is still with Aunt Sofia. He doesn’t like her but we’re here in Italy; and she’s going to be our new step mom in just a few days. But I don’t want her to be our new step mom. I want Krystal to be our new step mom. She’s part of our family. She makes our family better. She makes dad better. She makes him happy. She makes us happy.

She‘s trying to help us be happy for dad. But I only want Krystal. Not Aunt Sofia. I just want Krystal. I don’t want to be happy for dad and Aunt Sofia. I want to happy for dad and Krystal. Why does it have to be this way? Ugh! It’s just not fair!

😘

K.

Tag list: @txemrn @lucy-268 @jalaaalexia @lifeaskim @natzz-b @choicesficwriterscreations

[fillingthescrapbook]

My State of Television

9-1-1 Lone Star

I started watching this last year and got hooked with the missing sister storyline. I grew to like the other characters as the season went on... maybe with the exception of Rob Lowe's character whose main character trait seem to just be vanity.

Although Liv Tyler wasn't able to come back this season because of the pandemic, I was still excited because they cast Gina Torres as her replacement. The first episode back was a little shaky, but I loved Gina's character. I loved that she was a mom, that she took a break from her job and is now a little hesitant if she's still the same person who took a break before-- It was great. It was relatable.

But after a few episodes I started to notice that the other characters seem to be getting side-lined. Sure we got a story about Marjan, a throwaway one with Paul, and now we're getting one with TK, but... I don't know... It just doesn't feel like a cohesive show anymore. I guess the missing sister storyline last season really carried the show a lot more than I thought.

And so I now cut my relationship with this show. It was fun when I enjoyed it, but I'm just not enjoying it anymore. Which brings me to:

Zoey's Extraordinary Playlist

Oof. I loved the first season. I liked the first couple of episodes this season too. And then... And then the characters just became terrible. Zoey and Max, specifically. Leif is somehow turning into Jonah from Superstore. Which isn't a dig on Jonah, but more of a dig on how Leif is being written. (Where is the driven and ambitious Leif of Season 1?) Tobin... Well, we did get a bit of development for Tobin during the last episode prior to the hiatus.

And speaking of that last episode... Was I the only one who felt it was a little heavy-handed? I loved the scenes with Simon, mostly because of how John Clarence Stewart gave his character and his delivery such gravitas. And that scene between Tobin and Zoey... But that's pretty much it. Well, I also liked that we didn't get a single relationship-related scene with Zoey and Max. I still feel like Max is the worst, but Zoey's neighbor/childhood friend comes a very close second.

I'm not completely giving up on this show yet, but... I am definitely losing interest. Especially if we get more storylines involving Danny Michael Davis. The way they turned his character around to becoming a Mark Zuckerberg with a conscience? I'm not here for it.

Honestly, I feel like the show lost its focus when it lost Mitch. I feel like the show needs to ground itself back to what made the first season work: Zoey's relationship with her family, and the universe trying to make her help people through musical numbers. Whatever did happen to that? Her powers just feel voyeuristic these past few episodes.

Superstore

Since I've already mentioned Superstore, I just want to say: still digging the episodes they're churning out. It still doesn't feel like we've entered the stretch of episodes that leads to the series finale, so I'm a little bit worried that we might not get a series of wrap-up episodes.

Then again: this is Superstore. If there's a show that could end without wrapping up any storylines: it's this one.

And speaking of finale seasons:

Mom

The show is ending as well. I'm sad. This is one of my comfort shows; one that I was so sure wasn't going to end anytime soon because the storylines are almost always great, and I love how they handle characters who are very flawed.

I just hope they were able to get enough of a head's up to wrap-up the storylines of all the characters. Although, right now, I think it's just Jill who still needs closure for her character. Bonnie and Tammy pretty much have their happy endings, and Marjorie does too... sort of. And Wendy... Well, Wendy never really has a storyline of her own.

And lastly;

Call Me Kat

I feel like the show finally got its groove. I've given up on the curtain call, even though I still wish they'd put the credits there. I still dislike it very much whenever Brigitte pops up. And I'm still not sold on the chemistry between Mayim Bialik and Cheyenne Jackson. I really think their characters are better of as friends, even more so now with the introduction of new love interest Oscar. Who, in my opinion, feels more fresh and has the same vibe as Kat.

The lessened appearance of Sheila, Kat's mom, also helps a lot for me, I think. Her character is one of the things that keep making me compare Call Me Kat to Miranda. And while I think Swoosie Kurtz is a great actress, I do not think her character is well thought out.

I'm cautiously optimistic that Call Me Kat will continue to improve. And that it will get renewed. Because I'm losing two of my favorite sitcoms this season, and nothing else on air has me interested.

[televinita]

Books Read in 2018: The Why

Third year in a row* of answering the self-imposed question: why did you read this particular book?

(*Although 2017′s is presently flagged by the garbage bot and under appeal -- WHY DO U HATE MY BOOK COVER COLLAGES, MR. ALGORITHM)

I am beginning to deeply regret the extra work involved to split them by category, so next year is probably just gonna be a numbered chronological list after the Quilt of Many Covers, but for now they are still divided into adult fiction, YA, middle grade/children’s books, and nonfiction

FICTION

True Valor - Dee Henderson. 2002. Read because: I went hunting for a military romance in which to cast Dalton and Jaz [The Brave]. This one at least guaranteed me Dalton (and included rescuing a female soldier lost/hurt in combat, so).

These Healing Hills - Ann H. Gabhart. 2017. Had this one in my back pocket for a while as a quality-sounding stock romance (nurse/soldier) waiting for players. When my need for a Barbie/Julia [Under the Dome] story reached a new high, I deemed it a match.

Shane - Jack Schaefer. 1949. This is the book Fourmile is based on, so I thought I could get a two-for-one casting thrill out of it.

The Lake House - Kate Morton. 2015. A gorgeous historic mansion hidden within an abandoned estate. A mystery from the past to be solved in the present. What are "things I am here for always."

Crimson Peak (movie novelization) - Nancy Holder. 2015. I LOVED the movie, and the only thing I love more than amazing movies is when I can have them translated into and enriched by prose.

Chasing Sunsets - Karen Kingsbury. 2015. Brush of Wings - Karen Kingsbury. 2016. I was hunting, desperately, for Ben/Ryan-shaped books [Off the Map], and "Brush of Wings" checked all the boxes (young woman who needs a heart transplant volunteers in a third world country, love interest has to find a way to rush her home when the situation turns dire). I only read C.S. first because I didn't want to miss where the romance started.

Rancher Under Fire - Vickie Donoghue. 2014. I was looking for a different book when I casually stumbled upon this title, and listen. I am not gonna turn down a ready-made Barbie/Julia AU* with bonus "single father" angle. (*cowboy/journalist)

Heart Like Mine - Maggie McGinnis. 2016. "Ben/Ryan, Sexy Hookup AU Version please."

The Mountain Between Us - Charles Martin. 2010. The request list for the movie was too long, so I decided to see if it was based on a book. Upon reading the back cover and finding out one character was a surgeon, I immediately forgot the movie cast as my brain exploded with Shondaland options.

When Crickets Cry - Charles Martin. 2006. "Doctor whose wife died young of a lifelong heart condition" sounded like the best book-shaped Ben/Ryan approximation yet, with bonus "watching out for a little girl who is sick in the same way" cuteness as well.

The Woman in Cabin 10 - Ruth Ware. 2016. A woman at work recommended it to me, and I was like, "a well received general thriller? Sure!"

Listen to Me - Hannah Pittard. 2016. Put "road trip" into the library catalog --> picked 70% because "Gothic thriller" made me think of "The Strangers," and 30% because I was reliving the glory days of Derek And Addison and this marriage sounded similar.

The Lying Game - Ruth Ware. 2017. I enjoyed the other book of hers I read so my friend brought in the next one she had.

Hatter Fox - Marilyn Harris. 1973. Read in high school and forgotten until I reread the Goodreads summary, and "doctor drawn to help 17-year-old" set off my radar. Shippy or merely protective/caretaking, my radar reacts the same.

Vanished - Mary McGary Morris. 1988. The trailer for unreleased Martin Henderson film "Hellbent" whipped me into a frenzy so I did my best to find book-shaped approximations of it. (spoiler alert: this failed miserably, but I grudge-matched it out)

Thunder and Rain - Charles Martin. 2012. Former Texas Ranger who is a single dad. Rescuing & protecting a scared/abused woman and child. At his ranch with cows and horses. By an author who has proven his salt in the hurt/comfort and restrained-romance departments.

Before the Fall - Nick Hawley. 2016. Mostly I came for the dynamic between the young orphan and the passenger who saved him, but I also like witnessing the general aftermath of plane crash survivors.

The Perfect Nanny - Leila Slimani. 2018. My work friend loaned it to me with the statement, "This has such good reviews but I don't know if I 'got' it -- I am really curious to know what you think of it!"

The Girl Before - J.P. Delaney. 2017. She loaned me this one too, with a more glowing recommendation.

Everything You Want Me To Be - Mindy Mejia. 2017. Aaaand one last rec from my seasonal work friend before our projects took us in separate directions.

The Dog Year - Ann Wertz Garvin. 2014. Dog on the cover + synopsis was basically a list of tropes I love: a woman (a doctor to boot!) grieving loss of husband and unborn baby; dogs; a new love interest who is one of my favorite professions to pair with doctor (cop)...

Losing Gemma - Katy Gardner. 2002. "So basically this is the victim backstory to a Criminal Minds: Beyond Borders plot? Dude, sign me UP; I can so see this friendship!"

Uncharted - Tracey Garvis-Graves. 2013. The companion novella to a book I loved.

The English Boys - Julia Thomas. 2016. Mom checked it out of the library, "guy in piney unrequited love with his best friend's fiancee" intrigued me enough to open it, and by 3-5 pages in I was hooked.

The Broken Girls - Simone St. James. 2018. Abandoned boarding-school ruins, a murder mystery from the past being solved in the present day, possibly tied to a second murder from the past?? Yeah, give it.

Heart-Shaped Hack - Tracey Garvis-Graves. 2015. White-Hot Hack - Tracey Garvis-Graves. 2016. Proven quality romance writer's latest books feature a professional super-skilled hacker? Sounds right up my Scorpion-obsessed alley. First book was plenty good enough to launch me into Part II.

Shine Shine Shine - Lydia Netzer. 2012. In my continuing quest to find books in which to cast Walter/Paige, I searched the phrase "her genius husband" and this one's summary matched my desires well.

Learning to Stay - Erin Celello. 2013. Ever eager to expand my hurt/comfort scenario stockpile, I went looking for something where a husband suffers a TBI/brain damage that mostly affects their personality. The bonus dog content sold it.

The Fate of Mercy Alban - Wendy Webb. 2013. Came up on my Goodreads timeline. I read as far as "spine-tingling mystery about family secrets set in a big, old haunted house on Lake Superior" and immediately requested it from the library.

Rated PG - Virginia Euwer Wolff. 1981. I was rereading her Make Lemonade trilogy when I saw a quote in her author bio that said, "I did write an adult novel. Thank goodness it went out of print." Curious, I looked it up, and between its age and the fact that it sounded more like YA than a proper adult novel, I was immediately more intrigued by it than her boring-sounding middle grade books.

Someone Else's Love Story - Joshilyn Jackson. 2013. "Young single mom with genius son meeting a possibly-autistic scientist who protects them during a gas station holdup/hostage situation and later bonds with her son" was the exact literary approximation of a Scorpion AU I wanted in my brain. By the time I realized that was not the endgame ship, I had already flipped through it and fallen in love w/ William and his romantic memories of his wife instead.

Driftwood Tides - Gina Holmes. 2014. Cool title + I love the "young adult adoptee bonds with the spouse of their late birth mother" trope.

The Haunting - Alan Titchmarsh. 2011. Title caught my eye at the library near Halloween; I dug the "dual timelines" setup with a mystery from the past to be solved in the present, and hoped for ghosts.

The Lost Hours - Karen White. 2009. I searched "scrapbook" in the library catalog.  A family member's formerly buried old scrapbook, an old house, and unearthing family history/secrets? GIVE IT TO ME.gif.

The Etruscan Smile - Velda Johnston. 1977. Slim (quick read), attractive cover painting, an exotic Italian countryside setting in a bygone era, and a young woman investigating the mystery of her sister's disappearance all appealed to me.

Stay Away, Joe - Dan Cushman. 1953. All I could tell from the book jacket was that it was somehow Western/ranch-themed, possibly full of wacky hijinx and had once been deemed appropriate for a high school library. I just wanted to know what the heck it was about!

-------------------

YOUNG ADULT

(I’m kind of guessing at the line of demarcation between teen and middle grade audiences for some of these, especially the older ones -- another reason that I should give up on categories in the future -- but let’s just go with it)

These Shallow Graves - Jennifer Donnelly. 2015. Seemed like a YA version of What the Dead Leave Behind (which itself I was using as a Crimson Peak AU), from an author whose work has always impressed me.

Snow Bound - Harry Fox Mazer. 1973. Always here for survival stories! Also, this is a good author.

The House - Christina Lauren. 2015. I LOVE evil/haunted mansion stories.

The Masked Truth - Kelley Armstrong. 2015. It looked like Criminal Minds in a YA novel.

Things I'm Seeing Without You - Peter Bognanni. 2017. Went googling for stories that sounded like contemporary variations on Miles & Charlie Matheson [Revolution]. "Teen shows up at estranged father's door" fit the bill.

Even When You Lie to Me - Jessica Alcott. 2015. I always turn out for student/teacher stories, given enough suggestion of it being mostly an emotional connection rather than an illicit hookup.

Too Shattered for Mending - Peter Brown Hoffmeister. 2017. I also dig stories where teenagers have to take care of/fend for themselves in the absence of a parent/guardian.

The Devil You Know - Trish Doller. 2015. I enjoyed a previous book of hers, and I always like road trips and teen thrillers.

The Raft - S.A. Bodeen. Terror at Bottle Creek underwhelmed, so I thought I'd try a YA/female protagonist option for a survival thriller, not least because the girl on the cover reminded me of Under the Dome's Melanie.

Ghost at Kimball Hill - Marie Blizard. 1956. Picked up randomly at an estate sale; the vintage cover and incredibly charming first 2 pages won my heart.

A New Penny - Biana Bradbury. 1971. The rare idea of a teen shotgun marriage in this era -- when it would still be expected, but also more likely to fall apart and end in a young divorce or separation -- fascinated me; I was curious to see how such an adult situation would play out.

Marie Antoinette, Serial Killer - Katie Alender. 2013. I mean...it is really all right there in the title and/or the awesful puns all over the cover. ("Let them eat cake...AND DIE!") Pure unadulterated crack, combining my two fave specialty genres of history and horror? Yes ma'am.

Me And My Mona Lisa Smile - Sheila Hayes. 1981. I was looking up this author of a Little Golden Book to see what else she had, found one that suggested a student/teacher romance, and bolted for it.

To Take a Dare - Crescent Dragonwagon/Paul Zindel. 1982. 50% due to the first author's cracktastic name and my full expectations of it being melodramatic, 50% because I was still on my "Hellbent" high and looking for similar teen runaway stories.

To All My Fans, With Love, From Sylvie - Ellen Conford. 1982. The last one from my attempt-at-a-Hellbent-esque-storyline set -- girl hitchhiking cross-country is picked up by a middle aged man who may or may not have pure intentions, by an established quality author.

Be Good Be Real Be Crazy - Chelsey Philpot. Bright cover called out to me; I was in the mood for a fun road trip novel for spring/early summer.

This is the Story of You - Beth Kephart. Kephart's name always gives me pause due to her fuzzy writing style, but I loved Nothing But Ghosts, so I could not resist the promise of surviving a super-storm disaster.

A Little in Love - Susan Fletcher. "Eponine's story from Les Mis" on a YA novel = immediately awesome; I LOVE HER??? Also it's just my fave musical, generally.

Adrift - Paul Griffin. 2015. I've been really digging survival stories this year, and while stories about survival at sea aren't typically my fave, they keep popping up in my path so I keep poppin' em like candy.

Life in Outer Space - Melissa Keil. 2013. After delighting my brain with concept sketches for a high school AU, I set out to find the equivalent of Scorpion's team dynamics/main relationship in a YA novel, and by god I found it.

Everything Must Go - Fanny Fran Davis. 2017. The brightly colored cover drew me in, and the format of being like a scrapbook of personal documents/paper ephemera lit up the scrap-collecting center of my brain.

Going Geek - Charlotte Huang. 2016.

originally I thought it might be like Life in Outer Space, but once I realized the title geeks were all girls I shrugged and went, "Eh, still a solid contemporary YA novel at a cool setting (boarding school)."

Like Mandarin - Kirsten Hubbard. 2011.

By the author of my beloved Wanderlove, I was drawn in by the title, intriguing cover photo, rural Wyoming setting and the concept of a high school freshman girl latching onto/idolizing a cool senior girl.

Sixteen: Short Stories By Outstanding Writers for Young Adults. ed. Donald R. Gallo. 1984. Tripped over it at the library, and immediately wanted to consume a set of 80s teen book content from a pack of authors I know and love.

A & L Do Summer - Jan Blazanin. 2011. In the summer, sometimes you just want to vicariously relive the feeling of being a largely-responsibility-free teen in a small-town location.

The Assassin Game - Kirsty McKay. 2015. Looked like the (Welsh!) boarding school version of Harper's Island. (spoiler alert: it is rather less stabby than that, but still fun)

We Are Still Tornadoes - Michael Kun/Susan Mullen. 2016. "College freshmen? Writing letters to each other? Sure, looks solid."

Nothing - Annie Barrows. 2017. It looked relatable: like the kind of book that would happen if I tried to turn my high school journals into a book. (spoiler alert: dumber)

The Memory Book - Laura Avery. 2016. Contemporary YA about a girl with a(n unusual) disease, but mostly, the title and promise of it being a collection of entries in different formats.

Kindess for Weakness - Shawn Goodman. 2013. LITERALLY AU RYAN ATWOOD.

Make Lemonade - Virginia Euwer Wolff. 1993. True Believer - Virginia Euwer Wolff. 2001. This Full House - Virginia Euwer Wolff. 2008. I reread the first two so I could give them proper reviews on Goodreads, and then realized I hadn't read the last one at all.

Blue Voyage - Diana Renn. 2015. A hefty teen mystery in a unique exotic location (Turkey) -- with an antiquities smuggling ring! - called out to me.

Girl Online - Zoe Sugg. 2014. I was really in the mood to read something on the younger end of YA, something cute and fun, when I saw this at the library.

Wilderness Peril - Thomas J. Dygard. 1985. Reread of a book I rated 4 stars in high school but couldn't remember, which happened to be lying next to me on a morning where I didn't wanna get out of bed yet.

Survive the Night - Danielle Vega. 2015. The cover had a GLITTERY SKULL. Give me that delightfully packaged horror story for the Halloween season!

The Hired Girl - Laura Amy Schlitz. 2015. I've been digging into my journals and old family photo albums lately, really fascinated by personal historical documents (also recently obsessed over The Scrapbook of Frankie Pratt), and when I saw a diary format book set in 1911 -- a housemaid's diary, no less; that must be interesting as far as recording grand house details -- it spoke to me.

Fans of the Impossible Life - Kate Scelsa. 2015. The colored-pencil-sketch cover gave me Rainbow Rowell vibes.

All The Truth That's In Me - Julie Berry. 2013. Someone who favorably reviewed The Hired Girl also recommended this one; the cover caught my eye, and it sounded like a thriller.

Girl In A Bad Place - Kaitlin Ward. 2017. I heart YA thrillers featuring girls.

Facing It - Julian F. Thompson. 1983. I was in desperate need of a book one night and my only option was to buy one off the library sale cart, so I snagged the one that looked like some entertaining 80s melodrama with a fun (summer camp) setting. (Spoiler alert: fun and entertaining it was not.)

A Good Idea - Cristina Moracho. 2017. "Rural literary noir," promised the cover blurb, and as I just mentioned: I heart YA thrillers.

Something Happened - Greg Logsted. 2008. Short/easy read + I was hoping for either a misinterpreted Genuinely Caring Teacher, or scenarios to use in an appropriate age difference context.

In Real Life - Jessica Love. 2016. My shipper radar pretty much looked at the summary and went "THE AU CHRISTIAN/GABBY SETUP OF MY DREAMS."

The Black Spaniel Mystery - Betty Cavanna. 1945.

Adorable cover (and dogs!) from an established quality author.

--------------

CHILDREN’S / MIDDLE GRADE

The Cloud Chamber - Joyce Maynard. 2005. The cover made me think of Under the Dome, and the MC immediately reminded me of Joe McAlister.

Terror at Bottle Creek - Watt Key. 2016. After rereading Fourmile, I got a hankering for more books I might be able to cast with the kids from Under the Dome, and figured more Watt Key + a thrilling survival adventure was the ticket for that.

Swampfire - Patricia Cecil Haas. 1973. One of approximately 100 unread vintage horse books I own at any given time; finally in mood because it was short and sweet.

Baby-sitting Is A Dangerous Job - Willo Davis Roberts. 1985. Reread a childhood favorite in order to give it a proper review on Goodreads.

In The Stone Circle - Elizabeth Cody Kimmel. 1998. Same as above.

Wild Spirits - Rosa Jordan. 2010. Clearly the "Kat & Tommy take Justin under their wing" Power Rangers AU of which I have always dreamed, in my very favorite version of it: the one where Kat surrounds herself with animals.

Claudia - Barbara Wallace. 1969. Picked up cheap at a book sale, standard cute vintage Scholastic about a girl and her school life. Comfort food.

Reasons to be Happy - Katrina Kittle. 2011. The cover and the 5 reasons excerpted in the summary were so cute that I wanted to know what more of the reasons were.

Dark Horse Barnaby - Marjorie Reynolds. 1967. Needed a quick read and I'll p. much read any vintage horse book.

Runaway - Dandi Daley Mackall. 2008. Start of a companion series to my beloved Winnie the Horse Gentler, featuring some favorite themes: foster care + animal rescue.

Wolf Wilder - Katherine Rundell. 2015. Pretty cover, girl protagonist, historical Russian setting, wolves. All good things!

Backwater - Joan Bauer. 1999. Sounded like a beautifully tranquil setting.

The Dingle Ridge Fox and Other Stories - Sam Savitt. 1978. Animal stories + author love = automatic win.

If Wishes Were Horses - Jean Slaughter Doty. 1984. Overdue reread of a childhood favorite because I needed some short books to finish the reading challenge.

-------------

NONFICTION

Junk: Digging Through America's Love Affair with Stuff - Alison Stewart. 2016. I mean, I am definitely an American who has a love affair with stuff.

Keeping Watch: 30 Sheep, 24 Rabbits, 2 Llamas, 1 Alpaca, and a Shepherdess with a Day Job - Kathryn Sletto. 2010.

As soon as I saw my favorite fluffy creature on the cover, I felt an immediate need to transport myself into this (dream) hobby farm setting.

(Side note: this is probably the lowest amount of nonfiction I have read in 1 year for a decade, but I was just so busy hunting down specific types of stories that I could not get distracted by random learning.)

[stockholmimitthjarta]

1 - 100

Okay here we gooo.

Spotify, SoundCloud, or Pandora? SPOTIFY FTW

is your room messy or clean? Messy

what color are your eyes? Greenish

do you like your name? Yeah

what is your relationship status? single, but not emotionally available

describe your personality in 3 words or less. Honest, caring, loyal

what color hair do you have? red-brown

what kind of car do you drive? color? dark grey

where do you shop? clothes? Mostly Nelly.com or Gina Tricot

how would you describe your style? comfortable

favorite social media account. Tumblr for sure

what size bed do you have? 120cm x 200cm I think

any siblings? A brother

if you can live anywhere in the world where would it be? Stockholm city bc I love it

favorite snapchat filter? dog-ears-glasses-hearts in the background filter

favorite makeup brand(s). I don’t have a favorite

how many times a week do you shower? 3-4 times

favorite tv show? Stranger things

shoe size? 40

how tall are you? 170cm

sandals or sneakers? sneakers 

do you go to the gym? sometimes yeah

describe your dream date. Doing some kind of fun activity and take a cup of coffee/drink afterwards where you get to discuss it. I think you’ll get the chance to bond on a different level.

how much money do you have in your wallet at the moment? I barely use cash anymore. Only pay with my card 

what color socks are you wearing? black

how many pillows do you sleep with? 1-2

do you have a job? kindergarten

how many friends do you have? real close friends... 2-3 I think

whats the worst thing you have ever done? I used to be a anonymous hater online when I was like 13-14 and I’m so ashamed of that now

whats your favorite candle scent? vanilla

3 favorite boy names. Viktor, Felix, Simon.

3 favorite girl names. Matilda, Alva, can’t think of anything else. Emma :-)

favorite actor? Dylan Minette

favorite actress? Alicia Vikander

who is your celebrity crush? Channing Tatum, Bradley Cooper

favorite movie? Dirty dancing

do you read a lot? whats your favorite book? Mostly during the summer. Fav book is Everything, everything.

money or brains? brains

do you have a nickname? what is it? Emmis 

how many times have you been to the hospital? Once, my brother had been in an accident

top 10 favorite songs. OMG–Hov1, Alla våra låtar–Norlie&KKV, Säg nått som får mig att stanna–Norlie&KKV, Every breath you take–Sting&The Police, Titanium–David Guetta&Sia, Den sista sången–kent

do you take any medications daily? yes

what is your skin type? somewhere in between oily and dry

what is your biggest fear? Losing someone very close to me

how many kids do you want? 1-2

whats your go to hair style? I don’t understand what that means

what type of house do you live in? pretty big

who is your role model? Sara Songbird and my mom

what was the last compliment you received? A 5-year old told me I’m her favorite teacher

what was the last text you sent? “Vad roligt! :D”

how old were you when you found out santa wasn’t real? 10-11

what is your dream car? VW Golf

opinion on smoking? I don’t judge people who smoke, but I don’t smoke myself. Only at parties sometimes

do you go to college? no

what is your dream job? something that includes writing

would you rather live in rural areas or the suburbs? what?

do you take shampoo and conditioner bottles from hotels? no

do you have freckles? no

do you smile for pictures? yes

how many pictures do you have on your phone? 4566. 646 videos

have you ever peed in the woods? haha yeah

do you still watch cartoons? no

do you prefer chicken nuggets from Wendy’s or McDonalds? McDs

Favorite dipping sauce? garlic

what do you wear to bed? nightdress

have you ever won a spelling bee? no, never been in one

what are your hobbies? writing, going to the gym, talk shit with my besties

can you draw? I WISH

do you play an instrument? piano, guitar

what was the last concert you saw? Amsterdam music festival

tea or coffee? COFFEE

Starbucks or Dunkin Donuts? Starbucks

do you want to get married? Oh yeah

what is your crush’s first and last initial? I don’t have a crush, maybe..no..

are you going to change your last name when you get married? no I think I’ll just add his last name

what color looks best on you? black lol

do you miss anyone right now? too much

do you sleep with your door open or closed? closed!

do you believe in ghosts? Yes I do

what is your biggest pet peeve? People who can’t communicate

last person you called? My best friend

favorite ice cream flavor? cheese cake

regular oreos or golden oreos? regular

chocolate or rainbow sprinkles? rainbow

what shirt are you wearing? a pink t-shirt

what is your phone background? A picture I took in Amsterdam

are you outgoing or shy? depends on the situation and the company 

do you like it when people play with your hair? nah just my bf I think

do you like your neighbors? they’re alright

do you wash your face? at night? in the morning? at night

have you ever been high? no

have you ever been drunk? lol yeah

last thing you ate? dinner

favorite lyrics right now. “Vi är bara inte redo än. Vi måste dö nu för att leva sen.”

summer or winter? summer

day or night? night

dark, milk, or white chocolate? milk

favorite month? august

what is your zodiac sign. Aries

who was the last person you cried in front of? My best friend when we watched “A star is born” at he movie theatre last night :’)

[meshugana1]

Blond girl called Gina, fights her way through the university to become a doctor. Everybody made fun of her becasue she was blonde. Now she is the one who laugh, as she stand in the row to get her diploma. As she walks up the stage she remembers how the ppl around her always expected her to be a drop-out, a stupid blonde fuckdoll etc. But as she walks and think of it her reality shifts. She freaks out as she got a nurse diploma. As she walks off, she turns into a big breasted bimbo stripper.

   I felt the warm light of the stadium trained on me and my classmates. The flutter in my heart had been with me all day, It’s funny how even knowing everything that’s going to happen today and I’m still nervous. Even now, with my diploma seconds away, it’s hard to think its all really real. Dr. Gina Glover, part of me still thought I was sleeping. But my toes were sore from standing and from being bound up in my new heels, and my boobs were squeezed into the top of a sleek new dress. All of it was covered in the ancient, stuffy graduation robes that they bestowed on the lucky few. I chose a modest bun for my hair today, it was mostly hidden under the cap, I was pretty thankful for that.

   You wouldn’t think a person like me would get bullied but truth is stranger than fiction I suppose. I never saw any of it in high school, people were still surprised by my grades and my dream to be a doctor. I usually got “oh yeah, I’m sure that’ll happen” and “have you considered a less stressful career?”, people always judged me on my looks. They only saw blonde hair, pouty lips, big boobs and a big butt. It got pretty bad in college, the other students leered at me all the time. Most people called me GeeGee, that’s what everyone thought of me, a trumped-up hooker. Even the teachers chimed in with their two cents. Anytime I got a less than perfect score on something they always wanted a sit down with me. “Are you sure this is the path you want to follow?”, “Maybe you’d be happier as a housewife”, “If your set on this maybe a nursing degree would suit you better?”. Had mom to thank for that one. I honestly don’t think I would’ve made it if it wasn’t for Wendy.

   She’s just so supportive and the best little sister anyone could ask for. Even better, she’s standing right behind me. We even have the same specialty! Earlier this year I was a little worried that she might be getting resentful. We’re both pretty smart but I was the one cursed with the family good looks, after puberty I kinda got the feeling we weren’t as close. But these last few years have been great between us. She even gave me a necklace just last night, it’s so beautiful and it looked like it was old. She said she found it in a curio shop, but I think she might have spent more than she should have. It’s really beautiful though, it has a long pink crystal and it looks like an empty space in the center. Maybe it’s supposed to represent love or something?

   “Gina Glover,” finally they call my name. It’s time for me to talk the last walk through the sea of doubting faces. The corners of my mouth hurt from the smile I’ve had on since I sat down to listen to all the boring speeches. I see professor Stein, his droopy jowls are pulled up in a smile, his eyes are locked on my ass as I pass him by. “Who would’ve thought the bimbo would pass, I certainly didn’t,” how could Professor Stein say that now? I turn to give him a piece of my mind, but he isn’t facing me and he’s speaking with Wendy. But I swear I just…oh well, just imagining things. I shake Ms. Powell’s hand, one of my only female teachers and honestly the only one I really respect, for a moment my smile is genuine. No words pass between us, but I hear her voice all the same. “Poor girl, she should’ve been a nurse. I wish I would have done that, but I’m sure she’ll change her mind when she finds a cute man to hang off of,” how? How could she think that? How did she say that? It was crystal clear, but her mouth never moved. The crystal on my necklace starts to feel a little bit warm, but I feel my sisters hand on my shoulder urging me forward.

   It kept repeating like that, I would shake someone’s hand and it’s like I could hear their thoughts or something. It had to be stress and excitement mixing together in my head, had to be. All the thoughts were about me, and none of them were good. It couldn’t be real, most of these people I would expect to think that stuff, but not Ms. Powell. I just need to calm down, calm down, I can see my diploma, it’s barely ten feet away. The sweat collects on my forehead as I finally take hold of my future. But when the dean lets go it suddenly feels like every single person in the stadium is talking about me and I can hear all of them at once. My ears ring and all the voices speak at once. I can’t understand all of what they say, but I can hear some words, bimbo, cow tits, fat ass, stupid, slut, whore, in and amongst all the chatter.

   The vines throb in my skull and my head becomes so hot. I continue on off the stage, stumbling in my fugue. It was ok though, I’d just get an aspirin from mom and everything would be perfect. I hold up my achievement, and my face pales and my palms become slick with sweat. It’s…it’s a CNA, a worthless CNA?! Is this a joke? A prank?! I didn’t spend the past seven years working my ass off and memorizing my textbooks so I could become some certified nursing assistant! These assholes are gonna pay, this is not funny. Wendy runs up beside me, I can’t even hear her voice, she’s showing me her surgical degree, her future. Mom and Dad embrace us as I try to point out the mistake, but it’s like they don’t care. They’re all over Wendy, so proud of their little girl, my anger just keeps boiling. How can they ignore this? I’m not some stupid, vapid valley girl! I’m a doctor now for God’s sake! The heat from my sisters necklace peaks, almost singing my skin, then it bursts in a brilliant light. I can’t focus, everything is turning white, my skull hits the hard floor and for a moment the world disappears.

   “GeeGee? GeeGee? Honey, you need to wake up! You’re set’s starting soon,” Candy says. I groggily rise, my naked tits pull down my ribs. These implants are so heavy but damn do they bring in good tips. “Mmm, thanks, candy. I just like to take a little cat nap, where’s my outfit?”“It should be in the closet. What do you think of my new look?” Candy twirled in place for me, she loved the new act. She was practically poured into a latex tube dress that left nothing to the imagination. It was pretty cheap but that was because she could tear the latex anywhere and basically rip herself out of it. The guys all seemed to love it like she was a ferocious little kitten. “Love it, babe! You even make me hot with that act, now it’s my turn,” I hoped up and let the blanket on me fall, giving all the girls a free show, hehe. My outfit was pretty cute, it was a super sexed up nurse outfit, a little joke since that’s my degree, but stripping makes so much more and it’s so fun. It’s about two sizes too small in the ass, just how I like my clothes, my kitties were making an ocean of cleavage to drown those silly boys in, my blonde hair was done up so I could remove the clip and send it down my shoulders in waves, guys loved that. I never wore underwear anymore, why bother?

   “And now it’s time for one of our favorites, Nurse GeeGee!” I strut about the stage, making coy spins around the pole, then my clip is tossed from my hair, the top three buttons on my costume pop off, a little trick one of the girls taught me, and I grind into my aluminum lover. God, I love the attention my sexy body gets me, that and all sweet cash. But I have to remember to not blow too many of these guys in the private rooms, today is my little sis’s graduation day. I know I’m just a silly blonde bimbo but I still love my sissy!

The end. Hope Y'all like it!

[schraubd]

TV Timeout

Quick thoughts on some of the television I'm watching right now. Warning -- spoilers ahead for any of these shows: Game of Thrones

The last episode was basically unwatchable. Not because it was bad -- although it wasn't great -- but literally: it was so dark and blurry you basically couldn't see anything.

It's rare one says this about Game of Thrones but -- they were too skimpy on the character killing. Pretty much every major character came out alive. The big exceptions -- Theon, Jorah -- were at the end of redemption arcs anyway. There were no "shocking" or even particularly tragic deaths. Jaime, Brienne, or Grey Worm would've worked fine. Maybe GoT has gone soft in its old age.

I like Arya killing the Night King. I'd have liked it more if she had directly used some of the shape-shifting assassin skill she'd been developing, rather than sort of jumping out of ... nowhere? How did she get there? Is that supposed to be the assassin skill?

Billions

While I continue to think this is one of the best shows on television right now, I must admit I'm not enjoying this season quite as much as some of the others. Chuck's plot, in particular, seems to be spinning its wheels a bit. But the Taylor/Axe fight, which I think holds a lot of potential, still for me seems to mostly involve them circling each other and sending out skirmishes. I want a real battle.

You know who's due for a plot? Sacker.

I also don't like the direction they've taken the Rhodes' sex life. Showtime has often been weirdly good about handling non-normative sexuality in the least likely places (see also: a gender-fluid teenager in "House of Lies"), and I appreciated how it treated BDSM as non-pathological. This season? Definitely pathological. And that's putting aside Chuck's reveal on  national television -- I'm talking about him physically mutilating himself because he "needs" the pain.

I do like that they quickly and, I hope, permanently disposed of the Russian oligarch character. One thing I've liked about Billions is that it resists the easy play that rich = utterly amoral such that they'd all just being willing to kill people to get what they want. Yes, they destroy lives via other means, but it is more realistic characterization that they think of what they do as very distinct from violent crime, and willingness to do the one does not translate to the other. The Russian plotline threatened to upset that, and I'm glad it went away.

Wendy is a straight-up monster, it turns out. Was she always so, or is this character development? I'm not sure, and I don't think that speaks well of how the arc has charted out. But Mafee sure earned that rant.

Speaking of Mafee, I'm worried about him. He's one of the very few "good guys" left on this show, which makes him a prime target for Axe to destroy/Taylor to betray. I don't want to see him get hurt.

Above notwithstanding, I absolutely do want to see him in a boxing match with Dollar Bill.

Taylor's dad = B+. Axe's new girlfriend = A+. Dollar Bill's "final solution" for the chicken problem = A++++.

American Ninja Warrior Junior

Just renewed for Season Two! This was a great show -- the kids were both adorable and talented, and the conceit of the show transitioned well.

While I won't say she's destined for a career on television, Laurie Hernandez worked as a sideline reporter. Also, placing Laurie -- who is basically defined by being "small" and "graceful" -- next to a bunch of nine-year-olds who make her look like a lumbering giantess is a never-ending source of visual comedy for me.

One point of adjustment: the pacing of the show on a season-wide level. The prelims lasted forever. And then there was no change to the course even in the semifinal or final round. Give those who advance a new challenge!

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

I'd say the jump to NBC is a success. There hasn't been a huge shift in tone, though it does seem like perhaps we're getting a bit more fan service than normal (hey -- we earned it for saving the show).

Oh, also NBC allows bleeping, which allowed the writers to set-up Santiago's fantastic "This B wants a C in her A" moment.

Obviously sad to see Gina go -- but happy that Scully and Hitchcock made the main credits!

Project Runway

I have to say, I like Karlie Kloss -- she who, as I've taken to putting it, "married one of the good Kushners" -- more than I thought I would. Like Heidi, she's sooooo pretty, but also seems fun and nice. She's doing a good job. Way to represent team Jew, Karlie!

The new judges are forgettable and should just let Nina run things. More surprising is that Christian Siriano isn't popping on screen at all. He's definitely no replacement for Tim Gunn.

I am enjoying the budding Hester/Tessa rivalry. I'm on Team Tessa -- I like her clean, sharp looks. Hester sometimes does cool things, but also sometimes seems like a Rainbow Brite doll who got locked in a rave for six years.

Surprisingly, the producers have done a decent job keeping the challenges feeling fresh and novel. Good job, producers!

via The Debate Link http://bit.ly/2GNebDW

[trulymadlysydney]

Bad Day

"Cmon, love. Keep talking. You had lunch and then what?" "Harry I can't-- oh fuck." Today had been a shit day. Customers were rude, your manager was rude, other employees were rude. All you'd wanted all day was to come home, cuddle up to your boyfriend, and forget all your problems. And you were expecting him to comply. What you weren't expecting, however, was this. When he'd kissed you and lingered his lips on your cheeks for a tick too long, you weren't expecting this. When you'd angrily changed into your comfy clothes and he watched you with that look, that beautiful fucking look, you weren't expecting this. When he'd promised he was going to make you feel better, you'd started being a bit suspicious. Especially when he began toying with the waistband of your yoga pants. It was only when he'd told you, "Now spread your legs and tell me about your day, love" that you'd caught on. After a few confused giggles and half hearted questions, you'd given in. Because sure, an orgasm didn't sound too shabby after the day you'd had. And he'd started slow, a few circles around your clit with the pads of his fingers. The tips spreading you bit before lightly running themselves between your lips. He'd prompted you, "Talk" and you'd obeyed. The whole time, he never broke eye contact. Now, five minutes later, you're leaned up against the pillows on your bed, legs spread and knees apart and your lower half so awkwardly bare. Harry's on his knees beside you, with two fingers now knuckle deep inside of you. And he's watching you, how you grasp the comforter and how your tummy flutters whenever he hits a good spot and how you reach down to grab at his wrist (which only makes him stop the movement of his fingers, dammit). There's a silence that hangs thick in the air, and he clears his throat. "Please continue, love. I want to hear about your day." You swallow, feeling you could cum just from how he's looking at you, and continue. "Right... well I got Wendy's for lunch--" "Chicken sandwich or burger?" His fingers slowly pump in and out again, and you shiver. "Actually got the salad this time." Your voice is faltering now, but he's being so casual about all of this. Holy shit. "My healthy little girl," he says with a chuckle. "And then what?" You gasp when his fingers hit a particularly sensitive spot inside of you. "And then.... oh my god.... and.... then...." "And then?" "And when I got back... the manager.... Gina said.... hoooooooooly fuck...." "Gina said that? I don't know her like you do, but she doesn't strike me as the type to say that." "No Harry fuck. She said.... she...." Your mind is fuzzy as his fingers pick up speed. Curling and uncurling inside of you. This feels like a dream, and you don't know how you got so lucky. You take a deep breath, trying to get through a sentence. "She got in my face because I accidentally sighed in front of a customer because apparently I can't do that and--" You cut your own self off with a gasp and he smirks. "Did it sound anything like that?" You laugh, letting your head fall back against the pillows while he continues. "No. It didn't." "Pity," he says quietly, before softly adding, "Then again, I quite like being the only one who's heard that noise." He ducks his head down to kiss your knee that's closest to him. "So did you yell back at her?" Your minds going fuzzy again. This feels fucking incredible. "No fuck I just...." You let out a garbled noise that sounds sort of like a grunt and sort of like a moan. "I cried in the break room though." Harry stops then. His fingers still inside of you and his eyebrows furrow. "You cried?" You groan, mostly because you want his fingers moving again. "Yeah but it's fine I'm totally fine can you please keep your fingers moving?" He sighs, glancing down at his wet fingers buried inside of you up to his rings. "Love," he says quietly after a moment. "I don't like you crying at work." You sit up a bit, and wince when his fingers move with you. He's not moving them, but he still hasn't taken them out. "I know," you say. "But I need that money." "There are other jobs, y/n. And you...." His voice gets impossibly quieter. "...You know I can help you." It's your turn to sigh. You can't count on one hand the amount of times you've had this talk. "I don't want you to help me, Harry. I'm not gonna be that girlfriend. I'm independent, I can take care of myself." He blinks slowly before his lips turn up into a smirk. "Always did love that about ya." His fingers curl inside of you unexpectedly, causing you to gasp. "Love a lot of things about you," he continues, pumping his fingers extra hard now. He's doing all the talking now, and your toes are curling and uncurling the entire time. "Love how hard working you are. Love you strong you are. Love how sexy you are." His voice drops and you swear you could scream. "Love how fuckin wet you get for me. Love how tight this pussy feels. Love how those toes curl. Love how you can usually only cum from me sucking or rubbing that pretty little clit... and how I'm about to change that." His fingers are pumping so quickly now that you can hear how wet you are. Your hips are rolling with as much energy as you can muster, and incoherent little words are bubbling out of your mouth. He smirks. "Look at you. You're a fucking mess. Can feel you clenching around my fingers. I know you're close. Does it feel good?" Your hand punches the bed beside you and your fingers grasp for something-- anything-- to hold onto. You gasp and sigh, a long stream of "fuckfuckfuck" escaping your lips. He's still grinning, never once removing his eyes from your face. "S'it good, pretty girl? Gonna cum for me?" You hardly hear the ending of that sentence before you're seeing stars and reaching your orgasm. And it's an orgasm unlike any you've ever felt before. You're practically screaming, biting at your lip as if that's going to help quiet you down. Harry nods, almost in approval, never ceasing the movements of his fingers as he watches you. Every heart pounding, earth shattering, mind-blowing second of this torturously delicious orgasm has you feeling you could pass out, and Harry is loving it. It doesn't stop all at once. The ending is slow, gradual, with residual little shocks jolting through your legs every now and then. With his free hand, Harry rubs one of your legs, watching you-- or whatever's left of you, as you come back down. You're a whimpering, gasping, almost crying little mess, and he'd be lying if he said his cock wasn't swelling right now (mostly because he knows that HE did that to you with only his fingers). Slowly, Harry removes the fingers that were inside of you and brings them to his lips. He inhales through his nose before sticking them in his mouth, and his eyes nearly roll back in his head at the taste. There's a loud sucking noise before he removes them, and he wipes the spit off on his jeans before taking a deep breath and exhaling out a "Shit, that's good." He scoots up the bed and takes a seat beside you. You're still panting a bit when he pulls you into him for a good and proper cuddle. He kisses your forehead and just holds you like that for quite a while, and it's heavenly. Neither of you says a word, you just soak in the scent of sex and love (and his delicious cologne). You feel yourself drifting to sleep when he speaks again. "Told you you could." Your eyes (which you didn't realize were closed) flutter open and you lift your head to look at him. "Hm?" "Y'always said you'd never cum from penetration. I knew you could." "Oh." A sleepy smile spreads across your face. "Yeah. Thank you for that." "You can do a lot of things, bug." You giggle. "Don't turn my loud-ass orgasm into a teachable moment, Harry." He snorts, eyes crinkling up as he laughs. "Shut up. I wasn't going to. I just meant.... seems to me you focus on the things you think you can't do. Because you don't believe in yourself." He strokes your hair and coaxes your head back down onto his shoulder once more while he speaks. "I don't like that." You sigh, allowing your eyes to close. "I do too believe in myself. I just... need a bit of help sometimes." He kisses your head at that, and you smile. "You're very good at helping me." He chuckles softly through his nose and sighs. "Because I love you," he says quietly. You nuzzle your head into his chest at that, tilting just a bit to kiss him. "I love you, too." There's silence once more, but it's lovely. Peaceful. Comforting. But what he says to break the silence is even more wonderful. "Speaking of helping you. D'ya want a bath? I've been told I'm an excellent hair washer." You giggle. "I'm the one who told you that, you donut. But yes. A bath sounds lovely." You can practically hear the smile in his voice. "Lovely," he repeats. He kisses your head and wiggles out from under your body. "Right. Then I will be right back. Don't fall asleep while m'gone, yeah? Wanna hear that full Gina story."

[lolitajakez]

Tag ask thingy

Unusual Asks Spotify, SoundCloud, or Pandora? I use both Pandora and Spotify. is your room messy or clean? Both. what color are your eyes? Brown. 👀 do you like your name? why? Welllll I do like my name, but I don't like the meaning behind it or the reputation it has. what is your relationship status? Single like a Pringle. 💁🏻 describe your personality in 3 words or less- Shy, Sarcastic, and Smol. what color hair do you have? Dark brown. what kind of car do you drive? I cant drive yet, but i soon will. where do you shop? For clothes?? Umm TJ-max, Nordstrom rack, and Ambercombie&Fitch. how would you describe your style? "College student." favorite social media account? Tumblr tbh. what size bed do you have? A twin sized bed. any siblings? A twin sister and a younger brother. if you can live anywhere in the world where would it be? why? Omg Spain. In a heartbeat. ❤️ favorite snapchat filter? Flower crown. favorite makeup brand(s)? KatVonD, Bobbi Brown, and Colourpop. 💁🏻 how many times a week do you shower? Um 3 times? Every other day. favorite tv show? Law&Order: Special victims unit shoe size? 6 how tall are you?5'0 :,) sandals or sneakers? Sneakers FTW. do you go to the gym? Ha.. describe your dream date- well I like walking around, so just walking around in a park or in town for the afternoon while chatting is nice. Going for coffee and just talking there for hours would be good enough for me. how much money do you have in your wallet at the moment? Legit maybe 30$? what color socks are you wearing? Grey how many pillows do you sleep with? 3 but I mostly only use two of them. do you have a job? what do you do? Nope how many friends do you have? ...only 2. whats the worst thing you have ever done? Made my sister feel bad. whats your favorite candle scent? Vanilla cupcake? But if we were talking about hand sanitizers, then donuts. 😍 3 favorite boy names -Daniel, Klaus, and Oh oh it's a French name it's like Jaesau or something idk how to spell it but damn it's a fabulous name. 3 favorite girl names- Demi, Hannah, and Shay. favorite actor? Ha,too many to choose from. favorite actress? Gina Rodriguez 🙌🏼 she's flawless I love her. who is your celebrity crush? Min Yoongi. favorite movie? "The Grinch who stole Christmas" with Jim Carrey do you read a lot? whats your favorite book?i don't read a lot, but tbh it's probably Alice in Wonderland. money or brains? Brains. Cuz lord knows I ain't got any. do you have a nickname? what is it? Lola is actually a nickname. how many times have you been to the hospital? Lots? But for serious things, I haven't been. top 10 favorite songs- any Demi lovato, Seafret, BTS, and Enrique Iglesias Song. Legit. do you take any medications daily? Nope. Just topical creams for my face. what is your skin type? (oily, dry, etc) O.I.L.Y. what is your biggest fear? Being unable to be joyful in life. how many kids do you want? 2. whats your go to hair style? Down. But sometimes I put it in a low Bun. what type of house do you live in? (big, small, etc) very smol house. who is your role model? DEMI LOVATO AND GINA RODRIGUEZ.💁🏻👭 what was the last compliment you received?i don't remember. what was the last text you sent? "Too bad." how old were you when you found out santa wasn’t real? Probably like 8 years old. what is your dream car? Don't really have one. opinion on smoking? It causes too much death in my family. do you go to college? Nope what is your dream job? Well I would've liked to work for NASA. But lord knows that's never ever gonna happen. would you rather live in rural areas or the suburbs? Suburbs. do you take shampoo and conditioner bottles from hotels? LMAOOO we steal a whole bag full. do you have freckles? Nope. do you smile for pictures? Ehhhh not really. how many pictures do you have on your phone? Too many. have you ever peed in the woods? Ew gross no. do you still watch cartoons? The real question is, Who doesn't? do you prefer chicken nuggets from Wendy’s or McDonalds? Both. Favorite dipping sauce? Ketchup. what do you wear to bed? Well, wouldn't you like to know? ;) have you ever won a spelling bee? Ha.. Nice try. what are your hobbies? Tumblr, reading,cleaning,crotchet, binge watching Netflix. can you draw? I can't even doddle. do you play an instrument? Nope what was the last concert you saw? Jingle ball 2015 tea or coffee? COFFEE!! Starbucks or Dunkin Donuts? STARBUCKS!! do you want to get married? To min yoongi? Yup. what is your crush’s first and last initial? Well Y&N if your doing it in the US way, but M&Y is probably more appropriate. are you going to change your last name when you get married? Depends. what color looks best on you? Hmm Purple and beige I think. do you miss anyone right now? My friend. do you sleep with your door open or closed? Closed. do you believe in ghosts? Eh like 15% what is your biggest pet peeve? GREASE OR LOTION ON MY HANDS I HATE THE FEELING OF ITTTT 😫 last person you called` uhh my sister. favorite ice cream flavor? Cherry Garcia by Ben&Jerry's. regular oreos or golden oreos? Regular. I've never had the golden ones. chocolate or rainbow sprinkles? I like Jimmys. what shirt are you wearing? Not a shirt, but a hoodie. what is your phone background? Bangtan climbing up a wall. (It's a picture they took for PUMA.) are you outgoing or shy? I am a shy bean. do you like it when people play with your hair? Yesssss idk why but I just love it when people pamper me. Whether it's doing my nails,getting a massage, or doing my hair. I just love it. do you like your neighbors? Not really. do you wash your face? at night? in the morning? Multiple times a day cuz I'm greasy . have you ever been high? Nope. have you ever been drunk? Buzzed yes but not fully "drunk". last thing you ate? Uhhhhh chilli. favorite lyrics right now? Don't have any. summer or winter? WINTERR day or night? Night. dark, milk, or white chocolate? Milk chocolate please. favorite month? September believe it or not. I just really like the fall weather and we always do something exciting in September so why not. what is your zodiac sign? Capricorn who was the last person you cried in front of? My father. So I was bored and I decided to pass the time to do this. I wasn't tagged to this ask thing, but I thought why the hell not do it. I tag @ouslycuri @seoraksan @vegetarianwolf18 and whoever is bored, this was fun so you should do it too. 😊If you want to.

[lukesteinle]

50 publications

Wired

It’s by wired

For anyone really

https://www.wired.com/

It’s about anything interesting

Format: Large Publication

Sweater Collective Magazine

Made by Angel, Alex, Kayla, Dime and Jasper

For DIY music enthusiasts

LGBTQ+ zine about independent artists and labels

Format Unknown

Sniffin’ Glue

Created by Mark Perry

Created for the DIY Punks of the 1970s

Punk Zine from the 70s

Format: Likely small, stapled

Rolling Stone

Rolling Stone/Rolling Stone Contributors

For music lovers

https://www.rollingstone.com/

A music publication

Format: Large publication

Illuminati Girl Gang

By Gabby bess

For artists, feminists

Format Unknown

Showcases female perspectives in the arts

KJHK

KJHK content staff

Fans and friends of KJHK

https://kjhk.org/web/

Mostly about music, arts and culture

Format varies based on year

Processed World

Founded by 20 somethings working in the financial district of San Francisco

For other 20 somethings in other financial districts

A zine about hating your corporate office job

http://www.processedworld.com/History/history.html

Format Unknown

Vox

By Vox and contributors

For general audiemces

https://www.vox.com/

About all sorts of things

Format: Large Publication

NPR Music

Made by NPR

For music lovers

https://www.npr.org/music

About music of all types

Format: Large Publication

howstuff works

By Marshall Brain

For people who like to read and learn

https://www.google.com/search?q=howstuffworks&rlz=1C1CHBF_enUS892US892&oq=howstuffworks&aqs=chrome..69i57j0l7.2833j0j7&sourceid=chrome&ie=UTF-8

Expository infotainment publication

Online Publication

The Platypus

By Someone named Zach

For DIY musicians and enthusiasts

http://theplatypus.limitedrun.com/

South Wales zine about music

Format Unknown

Wendy house press

By someone named miranda from twitter

For the people of DIY music scenes especially in chicago

https://wendyhousepress.weebly.com/

About music and whatnot

Format unknown

National Geographic

By nat geo and contributors

For people interested in natural sciences and exploration

https://www.nationalgeographic.com/

Science and nonfiction magazine

Format: Large Publication

Four Basic Kinds of Lines and Color

Sol Lewitt

Artists/art loving people/anyone really

About color

Format: Staple bound 20x20cm

The Society Machine

Protest

By P.A.S.T.E

For the politically inclined

Format: Unknown

Based on a call for submissions around the idea of protest

Punks against playlisting

Miranda Reinert

For People who like DIY Bands

https://wendyhousepress.weebly.com/uploads/1/2/6/1/126166341/punks_against_playlisting.pdf

About bands and whatnot. This issue is about record labels.

Format Unknown

Skitchin

By Ty, Kristopher and Julie

For Punks!

https://www.facebook.com/skitchinzine/

Punk community Zine from Grand Rapids

Format: Looks like a sort of program format, maybe stapled

Lady Fuzz

By: unsure

For musicians, mostly guitarists/bass guitarists

https://www.ladyfuzz.co.uk/product/issue-7 

Format Unknown

About music, the scene, gear, etc.

Thirsty and Miserable

By Thirsty and miserable team

For people of music scenes in the UK

https://thirstyandmiserable.bigcartel.com/category/zines

Format Unknown

UK music scene zine

Hamburger Eyes

By Hamburger Eyes

For people interested in or pursuing photography

https://shophamburgereyes.com/collections/zines/products/hamburger-eyes-no-42

Photography Zine

Format: Perfect Bind, 6.69" x 9.61"

Mini Music Mag

Miranda Reinert

It’s for people who like music, especially independent artists

https://wendyhousepress.weebly.com/uploads/1/2/6/1/126166341/music_mag_3_reader.pdf

“A zine about music + other things”

Format Online

Cellybrain

By Hamburger Eyes

For photography enthusiasts 

Cell phone photography zine

Format: Perfect bind 6.69" x 9.61

Untitled

By Johnathan Rentschler

For designers/photographers

Format: Staple bound, 18.5 x 13 cm.

Photography zine

False Scale

By Experimental Jetset

For designers, artists, visual people

A zine about a single art installation at the MOMA

Format: Unknown

Pattern

By Austin Eddy

For artists, zine collectors

http://www.ampersandgallerypdx.com/ampersand-editions-1/pattern-no-4-austin-eddy

Features patterns made by artists and a dialogue about pattern making

Format: Perfect Binding: 20.32 x 15.24 cm

TXL

By Stefan Marx

I don’t know who it’s for but I like it

Format: Staple Bound 29.7 x 21 cm

It has a bunch of illustrations of planes in it

Base Base

Jesper List Thomsen

For people who like poetry, zines

Format: Sewn Bound, 18 x 12.5 cm

Contains prose/poetry

Inside Out and Upside Down

By Michael Worthington

For designers

Format: 7.25x10 inches

Shapeshifter and other stories

Rita Mcbride and Glen Rubsamen

For the casual reader

Format: Perfect Binding, 20 x 13 cm

Collection of short stories

Avant-garde and Propaganda: Books and Magazines in Soviet Russia

Beatriz Garcia Cossio

I can’t think of a demographic this is for but I can name several different people that would love this and none of them have anything in common except this

Format: Sewn Bound, 416 p.

This zine contains a plethora of soviet print propaganda with art and illustrations

Scene Classic

Miranda Reinert

For Scene folks

https://wendyhousepress.weebly.com/read.html

Each edition is about a specific album and contains a review

Format: Word Document

November in the House

Miranda Reinert

For people that are going through it

https://wendyhousepress.weebly.com/read.html

Photo zine with written content

Format: Web slideshow

Limner

Limner team contributors

For designers, illustrators

About illustration, art and theory

Riso Printed, 19.5cm x 27cm

Birkensnake

Different contributors every issue

I feel like it’s more for the people who make it than anything

Format: “Imperfectly bound”

It seems mostly narrative, though every issue is different

Bad day magazine

By Various contributors

For people with taste

http://baddaymagazine.com/ 

Format unknown

About mostly arts and culture

Anti-bad magazine

BY Phillip Ryland Ford

For people who like things that are anti-bad

https://www.aint-bad.com/magazine/2016/08/03/metropolis/

Format: Perfect Bound, 8.25″x10.75″

Uses photography and other imagery to provoke thought about the human condition

Record culture magazine

By Record Magazine team (lots of contributors)

For music people, art people, and people involved in the community

https://record-magazine.com/about

Format: Perfect Bound soft cover

About niche music communities and their intersection with other artists

Polyester Zine

By Ione Gamble

A very specific category of person that I happen to fit into

https://polyesterzine.com/

Format: print or online

Intersectional Feminist fashion publication celebrating the kitsch and trash

Subjectively Objective

By Noah Waldeck

For People who like photography

https://subjectivelyobjective.com/product-category/mini-monographs/

Format: Online only

Online gallery magazine

The editorial magazine

Claire milbrath

For artists and people who like to read about art

http://the-editorialmagazine.com/

Contains artist interviews and work

Format: Unsure, possibly spiral bound

Witchcraft Pocket Guide

By Natalie Very B

For cool people that like gimmicky stuff

https://www.etsy.com/listing/623976412/witchcraft-pocket-guide-witch-zine?ga_order=most_relevant&ga_search_type=all&ga_view_type=gallery&ga_search_query=magic+zine&ref=sr_gallery-1-5

Describes how to do things like perform hexes with hand lettering and illustration

Folded paper

Shit’s fucked: A Positivity Guide

By Gina Sarti

For People who feel like their life is falling apart

https://www.etsy.com/listing/73353195/sh-ts-f-cked-a-positivity-guide-zine?ga_order=most_relevant&ga_search_type=all&ga_view_type=gallery&ga_search_query=zine&ref=sr_gallery-1-2&organic_search_click=1&pro=1

Format: stapled wraps, quarter-size/pamphlet size (4.25" x 5.5", 108 mm x 140 mm).

About different ways to stay positive when the ceiling is caving in

Pigeonary

By Katie Whittle

For bird people

https://www.etsy.com/listing/653525307/pidgeonary-a-pigeon-appreciation-book?ga_order=most_relevant&ga_search_type=all&ga_view_type=gallery&ga_search_query=zine&ref=sr_gallery-1-10&organic_search_click=1

Format: Silky glossy paper and recycled card

About pigeons. Appreciating pigeons from around the world with pigeon illustrations

Oh to be a Cat

Moonwalker Club

For illustrators, zine collectors, people who like cats

https://www.etsy.com/listing/675238486/oh-to-be-a-cat-zine?ga_order=most_relevant&ga_search_type=all&ga_view_type=gallery&ga_search_query=zine&ref=sr_gallery-1-38&organic_search_click=1

Format 4.25 x 5.5 in. folded.

Interesting fact: Printed on the riso at outlet in Portland

Contains serene illustrations of cats

Taco Bell Zodiac

Valerie Niemeyer

For people with the same intersecting tastes as me

https://www.etsy.com/listing/700158617/taco-bell-zodiac-zine?ga_order=most_relevant&ga_search_type=all&ga_view_type=gallery&ga_search_query=zine&ref=sr_gallery-1-47&organic_search_click=1

Each page is a different zodiac sign as a taco bell menu item with illustrations. 

Format looks just folded together

Papayas Pineapples and the Apocalypse

By Ossidipeppia

For casual readers, zine collectors that want something awesome

Collection of stories randomly picked from twitter

Format: riso, staple bound

Milhouse Hedberg

By Universal Error

For me. For anyone. I love this

Contains Mitch Hedberg quotes paired with screencaps of milhouse from the simpsons and there is no rhyme or reason to it, it just is.

Format: 4x5.25 inches

Doodle Journal Mini Guide

By Azreen Chan

For the unmotivated artist

Gives suggestions for things to draw and helps the reader begin a doodle journal

Format: 32 A5 pages

Things I’ve said while Drunk

Amiemakeszines on etsy

For someone who likes a good laugh

Every page features hand lettered quotes

Format: Quarter sized

[recentnews18-blog]

New Post has been published on https://shovelnews.com/guys-this-isnt-funny/

Guys, this isn't funny

At the moment, Australian Hannah Gadsby is tearing up the comedy world with her searingly funny/serious one-woman show, now screening to worldwide acclaim on Netflix. I have seen Gadsby occasionally on TV, once hosting a show about art, but mostly as a guest on shows fronted by male comedians. Male comedians sitting behind a desk.

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It was Wendy Harmer (another great Australian comedian) who alerted me to the fact that only male comedians get to sit behind a desk.

Charlie Pickering sits behind a desk, so does Shaun Micallef. John Stewart was behind a desk and now his replacement Trevor Noah sits there, too. John Oliver (Last Week Tonight), Stephen Colbert (The Late Show), Jim Jeffries (The Jim Jeffries Show), Russell Brand (on his YouTube channel), Nish Kumar (The Mash Report) – desk, desk, desk, desk and, yes, you guessed it, desk.

In contrast, Samantha Bee (Full Frontal) stands up. So does Rachel Parris (The Mash Report). Kitty Flanagan (The Weekly) and Roz Hammond (Mad as Hell) get to sit on the visitor’s side of the desk.

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The only comedians lacking a penis who have been granted full desk privileges that I could think of are Sue Perkins (Mel and Sue) and Sandi Toksveig (QI), otherwise women of wit get to visit desks or sit on panels with other comedians behind desks, but almost never take control of the desk themselves. When Harmer herself hosted The Big Gig on the ABC decades ago, she was never granted a desk.

The desk, of course, is a symbol of power and control. Bosses sit behind desks. The man who sits behind the desk on the comedy show often has his name in the title and his finger on the jokes.

Now we are at last getting over the sexist belief that “women aren’t funny” (well, everyone who doesn’t work at Channel 10 is, anyway), isn’t it about time we give more women desk privileges?

It’s time we saw at least one satirical comedy show fronted by a woman on Australian TV – long past time.

We have oodles of witty female talent: see the women mentioned above and add Denise Scott, Judith Lucy, Fiona O’Loughlin, Jane Turner, Gina Riley, Nakkiah Lui, Jan Fran and many more. Surely one of them deserves a desk? A great big, shiny, dominant, focal point, corner-office sized, up-yours piece of furniture?

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Source: https://www.smh.com.au/lifestyle/life-and-relationships/guys-this-isn-t-funny-20180724-p4ztaa.html

[funnythingshere0-blog]

Guys, this isn't funny

New Post has been published on https://funnythingshere.xyz/guys-this-isnt-funny/

Guys, this isn't funny

At the moment, Australian Hannah Gadsby is tearing up the comedy world with her searingly funny/serious one-woman show, now screening to worldwide acclaim on Netflix. I have seen Gadsby occasionally on TV, once hosting a show about art, but mostly as a guest on shows fronted by male comedians. Male comedians sitting behind a desk.

Loading

It was Wendy Harmer (another great Australian comedian) who alerted me to the fact that only male comedians get to sit behind a desk.

Charlie Pickering sits behind a desk, so does Shaun Micallef. John Stewart was behind a desk and now his replacement Trevor Noah sits there, too. John Oliver (Last Week Tonight), Stephen Colbert (The Late Show), Jim Jeffries (The Jim Jeffries Show), Russell Brand (on his YouTube channel), Nish Kumar (The Mash Report) – desk, desk, desk, desk and, yes, you guessed it, desk.

In contrast, Samantha Bee (Full Frontal) stands up. So does Rachel Parris (The Mash Report). Kitty Flanagan (The Weekly) and Roz Hammond (Mad as Hell) get to sit on the visitor’s side of the desk.

Loading

The only comedians lacking a penis who have been granted full desk privileges that I could think of are Sue Perkins (Mel and Sue) and Sandi Toksveig (QI), otherwise women of wit get to visit desks or sit on panels with other comedians behind desks, but almost never take control of the desk themselves. When Harmer herself hosted The Big Gig on the ABC decades ago, she was never granted a desk.

The desk, of course, is a symbol of power and control. Bosses sit behind desks. The man who sits behind the desk on the comedy show often has his name in the title and his finger on the jokes.

Now we are at last getting over the sexist belief that “women aren’t funny” (well, everyone who doesn’t work at Channel 10 is, anyway), isn’t it about time we give more women desk privileges?

It’s time we saw at least one satirical comedy show fronted by a woman on Australian TV – long past time.

We have oodles of witty female talent: see the women mentioned above and add Denise Scott, Judith Lucy, Fiona O’Loughlin, Jane Turner, Gina Riley, Nakkiah Lui, Jan Fran and many more. Surely one of them deserves a desk? A great big, shiny, dominant, focal point, corner-office sized, up-yours piece of furniture?

Source: https://www.smh.com.au/lifestyle/life-and-relationships/guys-this-isn-t-funny-20180724-p4ztaa.html

[cowgirlsnangels88-blog]

Toxic Relationships and Anxiety

Anxiety leaves me paralyzed and unable to move. Breathless...paranoid...numb...tingling...like someone just ripped my heart into...I break out into hives. I become angry and aggravated and all I want to do is cry because I no longer feel in control. So once the anxiety gets bad enough I just dissociate and watch myself from afar as if I'm watching someone else besides myself. I try to reach out to help her but I cannot. Anxiety is no joke...I just want to go into public without the fear of my ex watching me. I would like to go out with my friends time to time without the thought of knowing that she will be there at the bar. I'm thankful that I haven't been down there the two times that she was...if i was there I would've got drunk off my ass and lord knows what would of happen. I probably would of forgave her. I wish I didn't fear her like I do, she never hit me or anything to that nature. She's played with my heart, my mind and my emotions for so long...she controlled me for so long. I'm still allowing her to control me. My aunt messaged me and said that Gina wanted to talk to me that it was important. So with this text app I have downloaded on my phone so certain people wouldn't have my real number. I texted her that night on it...this is when I find out that she's been seeing me around, she refused to tell me when and where she has seen me, but she informed me that I still looked amazing and that every time she sees me she cries. Then she tells me that she's been going down to the poolroom hoping to see me down there. She now has a job, she works at Wendy's and her and her husband is no longer together. Her husband has him a girlfriend but he still lives there at the house, and she has a boyfriend that is on drugs and deals drugs with them babies around. Her boyfriend is now in jail and looking at 5 years. So I'm assuming that she is now lonely and needs someone. She told me that she didn't see her relationship going too far because she was still in love with me and will always be in love with me. After her telling me this...I fear that she maybe driving around my house at night, i mean this bitch is crazy and she is capable of doing something like this. After talking with her, I wanted to cut so bad, but I didn't. Mostly because I couldn't find anything that i enjoyed cutting with. So i went to bed and cried myself to sleep, afraid that she might had been outside my window, because she wanted to see me and talk to me that night sooooo BAD, I thought that she would be crazy enough to show up. She had just let the poolroom because she was drunk and I know how she gets when she's drunk and high...she wants sex...it never fails. That's all she ever wants...she wants it in the morning, during the day and night. Ever since i found out all of these things...my anxiety is worse. I try not to show it, I'm using my coping skills even if they work. Ive even resorted to using a rubber band to snap me out of it. Although, I've had a bad history with abusing rubber bands, I thought that i would give it another try...because right now I'm desperate to find more than a couple of things that works just in case the others don't work in that moment. Ive been doing good besides the manic, but I'm slowly coming down. I'm sleeping a little better, Ive trained myself to go to bed at a decent time and wake up at a decent time so I'm not waking up at lunch time. I keep myself busy from the time i wake up till I go to bed. I'm trying my damnist not to let Gina get to me but its very hard. It's hard because i still feel as if i still owe her something. I still feel like I owe her my life, I still feel like i need to be there for her, i still feel like i need to protect her from her husband. He still tries to rape her in her sleep, but where she's not knocked out from her meds like all the other times she been knocking him off making him go back to his room. As a kid she was raped by her uncle. She's forced to see him at family gatherings. I feel the need to rescue her. I really did love her at one point, until i got tired of her being indecisive. I suck at relationships, i mean I wouldn't want to date me if i was someone else. Although, i am dating myself at the moment and working on me. So i gave myself a ring and made a promise to myself that i would learn to love me, before i walk into another relationship. I have now come to terms that she's not healthy for me, but that doesn't change every inch of my love i gave her for a year. I'm not gonna lie, my heart is still broken, just not as bad...I'm healing from the broken heart, just not healing from the fear. I don't wanna be afraid anymore. I want to be able to walk out o the house knowing that she's probably watching me when she's not at work, or to know that she doesn't have anyone snooping on me. I wanna be able to go to sleep without being afraid that she's gonna drive by after work. Damn it I'm afraid, this is my first time realizing that even with my love for her for a year...i was afraid the whole time i was with her. I afraid to speak up, when I didn't agree with something....everything was "yes" "ok" "its up to you" ""sure why not" i not once said "NO" to her. All but the time that I broke it off with her this last time, back in October. But yet I still feel as if i still have no control. Could it be possible to be effected by unwanted sex from a female during a relationship? Can a female be an abuser? Half the time we had sex, I didn't feel like it. I only had sex because she wanted it, we was in a relationship and that's what people in relationships do, is have sex right? I didn't wanna be a bad girlfriend, I did everything she said, i was happy as long as she was, or i thought i was. As I look back, I can see now, that we didn't have a relationship like everyone i knew and looked up too. We had an odd relationship, i wonder if i would do it again? I wonder if I had to go through another relationship, would i be the same way and give my all to someone, without asking for the same respect returned back to me? I have no clue, I guess only time will tell, but as of right now Ive made a promise to myself, to love, and to care for myself. To treat myself with respect, treat me like the important people in my life says I should be treated. Allow myself to fall in love with myself...to treat myself as a warrior i know that I should be. I need to find out who I am in the inside. I am by all means not perfect or not even near to be, and honestly, i would rather not be perfect...my life would be totally boring if that was the case. I enjoy being different and unique, I don't want to be like everyone else...I wanna be a little hot mess, without the constant drama...the constant pervs. I will find me one day and I will rise, even if Gina wants to drag me down with her.

[squidmouth]

Twins of a Storm- An Original Lovecraftian tale by Lolly Currier (incomplete)

“C’mon, Ellie! Hurry up!” Said Michael Greeley, on the other side of the yard. Ellie Tyler held a red bandana in her hand, and was rushing across the lawn. She was trying not to be tackled by Gina Brennan, who raced to gather her honor by stealing back the flag. At that second of victory, Gina tagged her as she crossed the painter’s tape. Leo Martin, a fellow red team member, belted, “GINA! She crossed the line! You can’t tag her!” What ensued came to a grand argument that reorganized the teams into “Those who agree with Gina” and “those who don’t”. Behind that anarchist and childish moment of locking horns, a great eldritch from beyond the cosmos came to squash a cul-de-sac. That cul-de-sac.

Soaked in blood, a great shadow leered upon the small community that was “Maple Creek”. It was a maple-free place that did not settle near a creek. That shadow had a name that was pronounceable by a minuscule tribe of linguists, and thus, many have taken to call it “The Grue of Storms”. Many in the town surrounding it saw only its teeth, greenish corkscrew claws uncensored by lips. Others have seen its limbs, a set of thorny tentacles with many eyes.

The Grue led a set of storms. They consisted of a few blizzards, several thunderstorms, and a couple thunder-blizzards. Luckily, it was easy for the Grue to hide with said storms.

Kevin Wilcox looked at the sky, and a blue flag fell from his grasp with fear. Kevin loathed storms, and his sister, Maisy, told him, “Kev! Get in the house! It’s raining.” All the children, except for Gina, rushed into the Wilcox home. Gina loved the rain, but when she gazed upon the Grue, the Grue gazed upon her, and it was too late. Gina’s remains turned to bloody bones. The grue sensed Gina’s friends within a humble abode, and grasped and consumed said home. Some have noticed the uprooting of 420 Hopps Avenue, and some have evacuated to their yards... to no avail. The Grue devoured them like pomegranate seeds. Their homes, uprooted and devoured; the tiny people within had their lives flash before their eyes.

The Grue’s thorny arms stabbed the small birds who witnessed the gore and destruction. The Grue flew off at 1000 times the speed of light, leaving only its destruction. The Grue flattened it, but no mere mortal could remember the day a 10 mile tall Grue devoured and flattened a city. They all remember it as “Hurricane Melanie”.

It was a sunny day, with clouds coming in from the north, in Omaha. Kids were playing, birds sang, and all was well. The night before, the stars weren’t perfect, but the weather was.

In Washington Park, six children were playing “Animal Tag”. Lily Fowler, who was “it” at the moment, tagged her friend Billy Jenkins, and laughed, “You’re a ducky now, Billy!” Billy reluctantly waddled and quacked, making his friends know that he was fair game. Just as he was about to get tagged by Teagan Neville, it started raining, and Lily reported,

“Guys, I felt some rain. We should hide in the playground.” The children groaned, but this was no ordinary rain. Gr’logyth, the Grue of Storms, broke out of his prison on Saturn’s icy rings. His three noses smelled the blood of innocent people, and his ever open mouths devoured the buildings like sushi rolls. Next stop, Washington Park.

Gr’logyth summoned a tornado to mask his unholy deeds, and demolished Pizza Hut and White Castle, murdered Wendy’s, McDonald’s, Arby’s, Burger King, and the Dairy Queen. He hit a Target, and drooled on a school. The maples at Washington were turned to syrup, and the cherry trees were devoured. But whatever happened to the children at the playground?

First, Gr’logyth slid the swinging children down his throats. He swung his twin tongues around the jungle gym, he juggled the youth on the merry-go-round, and the kids on the slide spun around his esophagi.

Gr’logyth, overall, had factories meet their maker, torn apartments apart, made high-rises fall, and rode a theme park down to the ground. When the survivors looked upon the disaster, Gr’logyth wasn’t blamed. They just called it the “tornado of the century”

It was a beautiful night, and many people gathered in the Swiss Alps for a Snow Whizzyte concert. It was the straight white male rapper’s first stop in Europe, and he was going to KILL IT! Many European conformists lined up at the door with their 200 Euro tickets, and when Whizzyte stepped on the stage, screaming ensued.

“WHAT IS UP, SWISS NATION? I’M YOUR HOST, KILLER SNOW WHIZZYTE! LET’S GET RIGHT INTO THE RAP!” The crowd of blind idiots tossed themselves out of their seats, and into the “music” as Snow started off the show with his hit single, “Bullet Avalanche”

Suddenly, out of the calm, serene hills, came a stirring. Land rained down from gentle peaks. Katamaris of snow leaped down upon mountainous villages. Wind and fog gusted down from clouds up above. Gr’logyth was back, and ready to destroy innocent humans.

Scientists and Meteorologists sent out warnings. Whizzyte, when notified of the situation, ignored the concert hall manager, and kept rapping a naughty song from his new album, “Crack Flame”.

Gr’logyth watched as people escaped their homes for safer ground, chased them easily, and watched as they climbed into his mouths like trains into a tunnel. Humans were crunchy, he couldn’t resist.

Suddenly, the roof of the concert hall fell down under the thorny paws of a cosmic monster. The sound was deafening, and preps prayed to Azathoth, calling him Jesus, that they would be spared. Unfortunately, their precious Snow was smashed under the corkscrew fangs of the Grue of Storms.

Little managed to escape that fateful night without getting eaten, or smashed by Gr’logyth’s many landslides. Teens cowered for safety, but those teens were smashed when the grue uprooted their precious concert hall, turning them into mushy blobs.

At least Gr’logyth was fed, for now. If his mighty second cousins noticed that only scraps of the human race were left, he would have to stay in Saturn’s rings for at least one million years. He took off into the European night, off to Pluto, his new home since his imprisonment, and eventual release. He could not relax, because he knew, across a distant star, that someone would arrive, and he would have to pay for overdoing it on the natural disasters. Possibly.

In the distance, beyond the Oort Cloud, and past the Hyades, lay a distant heroine, grieving for the loss of an empire that once was, and having to trap a good friend, a brother of hers. Her name was Dol’kurai, and she had just gotten the message that her brother was awake, and having breakfast.

Dol’kurai, the weeping prism, was a humanoid with a giant bell-shaped opal for legs. Her six arms were laced with pale patches of fur, iridescent, like her elongated bismuth mane and goatee. Her six eyes cried mercury, and her large pointy ears heard the cries of any Earth creature. She resembled a cat/dove hybrid, both in personality and appearance. She was iridescence burdened with the fears of mankind.

She commenced her flight, sobbing quietly, towards Earth, and accidentally disturbing Gr’logyth’s tsunami, as he focused on his eternally-sobbing sister. Dol’kurai wept, “Dear brother, you have spoiled a land saved for our distant cousins. Why do you act like our cousins? They are imprisoned in R’lyeh, Jupiter, Venus, and other lands! Do you envy them, grue?” The grue bowed his head, coated with open mouths and cried out,

“Sister, we are elder gods, loved by man. I don’t desire their approval. I see them as a pitiless waste of space. I was freed because of your tears. The people on Earth are sinners, and they must be exterminated.”

This only made Dol’kurai sob harder, and drown North Korean villages with mercury, and have them go wild. Dol’kurai felt guilty for her actions, and swooped down upon North Korea, accidentally giving the dictator there a hallucinatory episode.

Gr’logyth shrugged, and comforted Dol’kurai, “Now you see. Homo Sapiens is EVIL, Prism. I will leave our cousins to the destruction part in the future.” Dol’kurai blasted, “YOU DON’T GET IT! ALL I WANT IS TO HELP HUMANITY!” causing the entire Eastern Hemisphere to go into mass hysteria, because of an Eldritch monster fight. “BROTHER! We haven’t experienced what it’s like to be human, but I feel their pain. Their tears are my tears,” Dol’kurai sobbed, “Maybe we could pretend to be human, just for some Earth moons. Promise?” Gr’logyth reluctantly agreed.

Meanwhile, on a small town on the Vermont-New Hampshire border, two foreign hitchhiking siblings hopped out of a lime green Citroen. Greg Stern, a sharp-looking man with crooked teeth, and his sister Opal, a dark and crestfallen woman with almost un-natural platinum hair, stepped into the only employment center in town. Opal and Greg carried with them degrees from a community college, and only a suitcase between them.

The electronic “bell” on the glass door of the employment center, a 2 story office with mostly aspen-beige walls, buzzed as Opal sulked and Greg sauntered in. At the receptionist’s desk, which was coated with plastic horses and cards with technicolor ponies on them, sat a plump blonde woman called Angela, who welcomed them in with open arms. Angela pepped,

“Hello! You two are the first customers we’ve had all day! How can I help you?” Greg nodded and inquired,

“Ma’am, we might be here for a few moons, so we may have to look for work.” Angela peeked at their degrees, and nodded. She declared, “Oh! The employment officer, Mr. Sotomura will be right with you two!”

Mr. Yoshi Sotomura, a lanky newbie to the community, sighed as he welcomed the duo of strangers. Mr. Sotomura peered at their degrees, and stated with an uninterested tone,

“Huh. Well, Greg… apparently, the National Weather Service is looking for newbies, and for you, Opal...I think the local school is looking for a secondary counselor.” Greg cheered in joy, but Opal on the other hand…

After nearly two weeks at their new jobs, it turned out that Opal lived for her job, compared to Greg, who was suffering at his weather job. Opal was getting along wondrously with the youth she assisted, and Greg was unused at his job.

Suddenly, from beyond some New Hampshire hills, came some cumulonimbi with malicious intentions. Not even the people at the National Weather Service knew what was going on, except for Greg.

At Opal’s school, Opal gazed into the rushing waves of a flood coming their way, tugged on her pale hair, and clenched her mahogany fist, while speedily thrusting her Samsung out of her sienna leather handbag, and telephoning Greg. Opal barrelled through the halls of the school, and took a few minutes to stand outside to explode,

“GR’LOGYTH! You don’t get it, do you?” in her native tongue. Meanwhile, at the other end of the line, Greg snickered,

“Hey, Dol’kurai, relax! It’s only a flood! I think it could be my chance to be accepted in the Outer Ring, conversing and hanging out with Azathoth and Hastur!” Opal slammed the door to her school, and slightly transformed to a form redolent of her original one, but much more human, and stormed down to the NWS lab.

As she rushed, she attempted to stop a storm, but it kept resuming in a hilarious manner. “Son of a bitch, that Gr’logyth,” Muttered Opal. People sobbed for mercy as their orifices gulped up enough water to fill them. When Opal reached the laboratory, she screamed bloody murder, because the door was coated with hailstones. She suplexed them away, and there was Greg, revealing his true form to his sister. Greg and Opal argued, with every blow revealing their true form, until…

“Dear God! Stern’s a monster!” Ejactulated Herbert Vo, a nearby bloke with Asiatic heritage, a bulky body, and long hair. All the NWS staff gasped at the glory that was the two elder god twins Gr’logyth and Dol’kurai.