#but my emotional investment in this ceremony is low

[equalseleventhirds]

with my graduation approaching, more and more ppl are learning that i'm gonna graduate and then asking if i'm gonna walk, and then, upon learning i will not, asking why.

and i was contemplating reasons but u kno what it boils down to?

there won't even be free food.

do u expect that i, very nearly 32 years old and terrified of my future, will actively wish to pay for a cap and gown, leave my house and go all the way to the graduation venue, sit through long speeches about the future and what it means to become an adult, and then have to join a long line of ppl walking across a stage to shake some guy's hand,

when there won't even be free food?

c'mon.

[heyjudeb]

I'm proud of you - Jude Bellingham

Summary: Comforting sad and defeated Jude after England's loss. Warning: Sad moment, comforting Words: <1k

The referee blows the final whistle.

It was over. England lost. It all happened too quickly. Spain scoring in the last minutes didn't even give us time to process the situation.

I was sitting in the stands with Jude's family. We all shed a tear once the Spanish players started celebrating. Seeing Jude go off to the bench and kick something was a heartbreaking yet scary sight for me. Instantly, I knew that was going to be a sight for the media.

He's not like that at all. He just really wanted this win. With people being all over him, critiquing him, he really wanted to prove them wrong, to make England proud. I couldn't be more proud of him, though. He achieved amazing things in this competition.

As I watched him from afar, I wished I could just run down and hold him, tell him it was okay. I knew how much he had invested in this tournament, how much he had sacrificed. His dedication and his passio were the qualities that made him extraordinary. Those were the reasons why I fell in love with him.

Feeling an overwhelming urge to be closer to him, I excused myself from his family and made my way down to the lower stands, closer to the field. As I approached the edge, I saw Jude pacing back and forth, his frustration evident in every step. When he finally noticed me, our eyes locked. He hesitated for a moment, then walked over.

With his help, I crossed the barrier and immediately fell into his arms, holding his head tightly into my neck. I could feel him shaking from all the emotions he was going through.

"I messed up," he muttered, his voice muffled against my shoulder.

"No, you didn't," I said firmly, my hand gently running through his hair. "You were incredible, baby. You gave it your all." He pulled back slightly, his eyes filled with tears. "It wasn't enough. It wasn't fucking enough." "Hey," I cupped his face gently, putting my forehead against his. "Listen to me. You were amazing out there. You fought so hard, and everyone saw it."

He didn't know what to say. I could see he wanted to let go of everything he was feeling, but the words wouldn't come.

"Just stay calm, baby," I tried to comfort him, reminding him that losing is part of the game and keeping his composure is important. "You can use this to come back even stronger."

I knew my words might not have a big impact on him in that moment. It was all still raw and fresh for him, so I simply held him tighter in my arms. He pulled back slightly, his eyes still glistening. "I have to go, baby. They're going to do the ceremony."

"I know," I said softly. He kissed my forehead.

"I'll meet you afterwards," I told him, giving his hand a reassuring squeeze.

He nodded, giving me one last look before turning and walking towards his teammates. As I walked up the stands to where his family was, I felt a mix of pride and heartache.

After England had their moment, Jude walked up to us and hugged his family. They all expressed how proud they were of him, trying not to show any sadness in front of him.

He sat down with his head low. I gently lifted his chin, earning a small, faint smile from him.

"I'm sorry for disappointing you guys," he managed to say to them.

I sat on his lap, holding him close to my chest. It pained me to see him like this, unable to erase his sadness.

"You never disappoint us, Jude," his mom reassured him, holding his hand tightly.

I arrived at my hotel room feeling exhausted and heartbroken for Jude. He had to return to the hotel with the team. There was nothing I wanted more than to have him in my arms and try to ease his sadness, even just a little. I was about to get into bed after finishing my nighttime routine when I heard a faint knock on the door. I opened it to find Jude standing there, his shoulders slumped and a tired look on his face. "They told me it's okay," he said quickly, grabbing my hand and leading me to the bed.

He took off his shirt and sweatpants and collapsed onto the bed, pulling me with him. His head immediately rested on my chest as he hugged me tightly.

"It's going to be okay, baby," I whispered, wrapping my arms around his head and kissing his forehead repeatedly. "These bad feelings will pass, trust me."

I ran my fingers through his hair, knowing it helped him relax and fall asleep. I kept kissing his forehead and cuddling him until I felt his grip around my waist loosen slightly, indicating he had fallen asleep.

"You'll always be my champion, baby," I whispered softly." I love you so much, Jude Bellingham."

[joontier]

Subliminal in Scrubs | V1; report vii

pairings: dr. jeon jungkook x female reader

chapter rating: NC-17 | genre: humor, romance

warnings: FINALLY~ we get to see a little bit of JK’s pov heh 

word count: 2.4k

g/n: Send me your thoughts?

[taglist] @nottodayjjk @ditttiii​ @zeharilisharaban​ @btsbunny07​ @turquoiseandplaidinautumn  @aamxxrii @codeinebelle ​

Subliminal in Scrubs (the records) |  navi. | m.list

“I hope you don’t mind us picking up a friend first then a drive thru afterwards... we did promise  someone a ride to the ceremony as well.” Chohee eyes Jungkook through the rear-view mirror. “Plus, we haven’t had any breakfast yet sooo…” Your new passenger uncharacteristically nods with unbridled enthusiasm. Huh.

“Totally not an issue at all. If you don’t mind, breakfast is on me,” he announces, sitting up a little straighter in his seat. You raise a freshly threaded eyebrow. There is no way this kid is actually offering to pay for your food. Jungkook clears his throat quietly, “Um...since you guys offered me a ride...you know…” 

Without even having to look at each other, you just know you and Chohee have similar smiles plastered on each of your faces. “Well,” Chohee makes a quick glance at the man seated at the back, “if you insist, Jungkook-ssi. How nice of you to do so.” 

You’re positive Jeon Jungkook will regret he even offered - in half an hour. Probably less. 

Just recently, Chohee has decided to relive an old hobby of hers: teasing you relentlessly with men clearly way out of your league until you actually end up investing much more time than intended (just as planned by Chohee) - until you come to the realization that there wasn’t going to be even the slightest chance of them even liking you back. End point is - you end up getting heartbroken for irrational reasons. 

Chohee, whose eyes sparkle with mirth with every mention of the Jimin, continues her teasing, despite your constant reminders to have her energy and time diverted to another subject, instead of poking her head through your currently non-existent love life. 

It’s an undisputed fact that Jimin is a cutie and quite the charmer, especially with his heroic deed of saving your sorry ass from getting your drinked spiked at the bar. However, there is a part of you that knows the slightest bit of infatuation you might feel or might have felt for Jimin was probably caused by the lack of interaction with men for the majority of your collegiate life. Of course, you always came back to your principles, that of which is prioritizing your career to shun love interests. 

Admittedly, you might have gotten distracted once, but you won’t ever let that happen again. 

In line with your best friend’s attempt to have you score a date and a boyfriend eventually, (her timeline, not yours!)Chohee had even gone so far as offering Jimin a ride to the oath taking ceremony that’s going to be held today at the Coex convention center at Gangnam. 

With Jimin’s apartment just a couple of blocks away from the gasoline station, you spot him right away when Chohee turns right into the corner. He’s stood by the entrance of his apartment building, looking effortlessly attractive as he scrolls through his phone while waiting. 

Chohee presses her fist lightly against the center of the wheel, the car emitting a soft honk to get Jimin’s attention. Jimin gives a curt wave in acknowledgment and reaches between his legs to grab his satchel. As soon as Jimin opens the car door, his head jolts slightly backward in surprise when he sees another passenger already inside. 

Chohee does the ice-breaker, introducing Jungkook to Jimin while she drives off. “Just before we got to your place, we had to fill the tank first and whaddya know? Met Jungkook at the gas station too! His bike broke down and I’ve offered him a ride - ergo, your new seatmate.” She adds a thumbs up. “Park Jimin, Jeon Jungkook. Jeon Jungkook, Park Jimin.” 

Contrary to Chohee’s cheerful voice mere seconds ago, awkward silence ensues after the two men bow to each other in greeting. The only subject of sanity the car was holding onto was the soft voice of Chohee’s navigation app coming from her phone on the dashboard. 

Why was it so hard to talk when you’ve all got at least a few things in common? 

Right, maybe it’s the fact that Jimin may or may not have known about your beef with Jeon Jungkook. Chohee’s doing, obviously. 

Thankfully, you spot a Burger King joint along the way and propose getting a greasy breakfast instead of looking for other options. There are murmurs of agreement heard in the suddenly cramped space of your best friend’s car. “Jungkook-ssi, breakfast still on you, yeah?” Chohee asks, joining the queue. 

“Uh…yeah-” 

“Perfect! Just making sure because _________ and I are famished!” Okay - that wasn’t exactly the word you were looking for, but if it gets you the free meal, then you’re absolutely ravenous. Chohee’s eyes briefly pass yours before sending a wink in Jungkook’s direction. “How ‘bout you Jimin-ssi? You hungry?” 

He looks at you, then Chohee, then at Jungkook. “I’m fine, I’m not hungry.” You see Jungkook trying painfully hard to not let his eyes dart around too much. Just then,  a low rumble erupts from Jimin’s stomach. Woops. Your brain can dictate your emotions but tummy would never lie outright. 

“Jimin-ssi!” Jungkook clasps a hand on the blond’s shoulder. “It’s fine! Breakfast is on me. Order up, bro!” 

With Jimin still looking hesitant, Jungkook decides to add a little fairy dust to his encouragement, “think of it as a mini celebration of us finally getting to be licensed doctors in a few hours!” Jimin gives in with very evident reluctance, even offering to pay for the whole group instead at one point. 

Your swear you see hesitation cross Jungkook’s eyes briefly, but you’re glad he’s a man of honor, even if it be for this particular instance only, firmly dismissing Jimin’s proposal. Which is perfect, honestly, because  this time you get a chance at revenge and a very hearty breakfast. 

“No crumbs on the floor, please!” 

From the backseat, you see Jungkook eyeing your paper bags on yours and Chohee’s laps, face stoic as ever. Emphasis on bags. A little more concentration and Jungkook can pretty much send lasers blasting through his eyes with the way he’s scrutinizing your orders. 

As shameless as it sounds, you and Chohee were never ones to back out of a free meal - and make the most out of it, especially when one had offered so nicely. So imagine Jungkook’s reaction when he and Jimin only got a Whopper meal and you and Chohee get upgraded full meals. 

“Doesn’t seem like we’re the ones who should be worrying about crumbs…” Jungkook mutters, taking a bite of his fry that’s a little too harsh for a slice of a poor fried potato. 

“You say something Jungkook?” Chohee queries, unabashedly letting out a small burp after taking a sip of her chocolate flavored milkshake. Bowing his head, Jimin tries to hide his smile as he takes a bite of his burger. You decide to step in, wanting to add a little more MSG to your breakfast menu this fine morning. 

“Hey Chee, heard of the news last Monday? There had been recent occurrences of drivers kicking out their passengers in the middle of the expressway, especially this road in particular… talk about some zombie apocalypse shenanigans...I wonder why though…” 

Jungkook clears his throat, addressing you this time. “Your strawberry milkshake...good, yeah?” With cheeks flushed, Jungkook dares not to look forward, murmuring his regrets over ordering more food next time. 

You nod with genuine gusto, throwing him an additional thumbs-up, which only causes Jungkook to sulk slightly in his seat. You eat the rest of your food with a bright smile. Ah, free food - what else is there to say? 

“If I do not violate this oath, may I enjoy life and art, respected while I live and remembered with affection thereafter. May I always act so as to preserve the finest traditions of my calling and may I long experience the joy of healing those who seek my help.” 

After reading the Hippocratic oath, the newly declared licensed medical doctors collectively put their hands down and take their seats. There is an immediate sense of fulfillment heavy in the air. Nobody can blame them - not when one has gruelled through six years of medical school. 

Jungkook inhales deeply, yet he still feels like he’s out of breath. 

He draws in another long one, savoring each second of exhale afterwards. From his peripheral vision, Jungkook watches you as you wave endlessly to the someone on the far right where the family and relatives are seated. Though he can’t see much from afar, with the way your hands are moving slower by the second, he figures you’ve already managed to catch the attention of whoever it is you were waving at. 

Jungkook diverts his eyes somewhere else, eventually landing on the stage where he sees his own father, standing behind the podium as he gives - what people beside him would consider - a ‘motivational’ speech in front of all the new doctors of Korea. 

He wonders if he could even see him, if he knew that his own son actually made it through college, if he realized that they were under the same roof at this very moment - an occurrence he never thought would happen again. 

Jungkook reverts his eyes back to you, watching you in secret as you talk to yourself while trying to address someone else. So you were waving to your parents after all. Cute. The man couldn’t fight back the small smile etching onto his face.  

He was happy for you - a genuine statement, even though majority, if not all, your encounters consist of you both bickering like small kids… And yet, he can’t deny the strong feeling of envy brewing at his heart, knowing that he could never have the same type of interaction you had with your parents, with how tight you all seem. 

Jungkook felt sick. Even though you ordered twice as much as he did, he felt like throwing up. He wanted this ceremony to be over with already.

Much to Jungkook’s relief, the program ends shortly after that. Excited to greet and congratulate the new batch of doctors, people from all sides of the venue rush to the entrance. With literally nowhere else to go, Jungkook decides to follow you through the crowd, in the hopes that you’ll lead him to Chohee and Jimin so he could properly thank them for the ride and he could be on his way. 

He’s surprised to not see you the least bothered by it, but then again, the convention center is packed with both the oath-takers and their relatives, so you might have really not known that he’s been following you all along. 

Like usual, it’s Chohee who notices him first. This girl is everywhere, all the time. 

“Jungkook, you’re here!” 

Chohee's acknowledgement of his presence causes you to turn in your heel quickly to verify it. You stare at him briefly, opening your mouth as if to say something when someone calls out your name.  “Mom!! Dad!!” 

Your English call causes a few onlookers and Jungkook recalls somebody once pointing out that you were a foreigner - and that you were also the first one to finish at the top of the class at SNU. 

With Chohee’s parents tailing yours, they rush to their own daughter, congratulating her with a hug and a cute bouquet of tulips. As Jimin appears with his own party not too long afterwards, Jungkook figures it’s his cue to leave. At this rate, none of you would have noticed if he actually left. 

Just as Jungkook was about to take off, a small hand grabs his wrist. You’re looking up at him and he swears he sees your lips curve upward a little before dragging him back to your little group. Stunned as ever, Jungkook wonders if he hinted on a little bit of concern in your features… and you smiled at him! For the first time! At least that’s what he thought he saw. 

Admittedly, all interactions between you and him were not the most friendly. Jungkook knew he acted like a dick a couple of times, but it’s the only way he knows that might allow you to lower your guard because the only thing he was certain of was that you get worked up every time you see him. 

Regardless of whether or not it really was a smile, Jungkook finds himself standing in the midst of this gathering of some sort. “Moms, Dads, this is Jeon Jungkook and Park Jimin.” 

The moms suddenly gush over them, while their fathers eye the two younger men warily. “Are you?… you’re not…” Chohee’s mother nudges her husband a little too obviously. “If they are, that wouldn’t be such a bad thing, would it?” she grits, a bright smile plastered on her face. Jungkook wanted to laugh at the uncanny resemblance with her daughter. 

“Oh what young fine men you are! Mrs. Park, you must be very proud of your son!” Your mother exclaims, resting her cheek on her palm. “But Jungkook-ssi, your parents must be lost then… my husband and I couldn’t figure out how this whole convention center works either…” 

Jungkook shakes his head slowly, lips pursed. “Oh. Um, my parents won’t make it today. They’re very busy people…” Jungkook drags his words, hoping they’ll drop the subject. 

Well, they did, but there was an inevitable pregnant pause after that - one which Jungkook was avoiding in the first place. Chohee’s mother clasps her hands together, breaking the awkward tension. “Uh - would you like to join us then? A little celebration for a memorable day?” 

Jungkook bows his head curtly and declines the offer. He wanted to, but he knows it’ll only do more damage to the wound. “It’s okay, Ma’am. I still have quite a lot of things to do today, like getting my motorcycle fixed.” Jungkook nods to Chohee and the girl briefly recalls how they got to the venue together. 

Jungkook doesn’t take long after that, bidding his goodbye to everyone and thanking Chohee for the ride that morning. “Well, I’ll be going now. __________-ssi, Chohee-ssi, Jimin-ssi, guess I’ll….see you when I see you.” 

“See you when we see you then,” you reply and Jungkook swears it’s an actual smile on your face this time. He returns the action and gets on his way, hoping that he really does get to see you all another time.

© joontier 2021

[mca-attack21]

The Impossible

This is my first Sherlock Holmes imagine, I hope you enjoy it. It takes place after the season four finale.

Sherlock Holmes, the first consultant detective and the last man anyone expected to be getting married. To be fair, he was not the same man he used to be. He had been changed by the people who loved him. The helped him evolve from a great man into a good one. Every person he met, every case he took, it all prepared him to allow love into his life. To allow you into his life. It was not easy, it was more than a simple deduction that he was used to. But after meeting you he knew that his greatest case ever would be figuring out how to be a man you could love. 

The beginning was simple, you were hired to watch Rosie on a regular basis. This led to a friendship with John and frequent interactions with Sherlock. Instead of being put off by his composure and intelligence you were in awe of it. Over time Sherlock would go out of his way to make sure the two of you would cross paths. Seeing you with Rosie, watching your face light up as he spoke, and hearing your laugh made him feel something that he didn’t understand. 

On a particular dull afternoon, Sherlock had made the mistake of asking about you. It didn’t take John long at all to figure out what was happening.

“You have a thing for my nanny,” he laughed.

“I certainly do not. High Functioning Sociopath remember. I don’t do love.” Sherlock replied.

“Keep telling yourself that Sherlock” John replied.

“I’m serious!”

“I’m sure you think that you are,” 

“John!”

“You should ask her out,”

“You are acting like a twelve-year-old” Sherlock shot back. It wasn’t like he hadn’t entertained the idea, but why would someone like you ever want to go out with a man like him. 

It would take three weeks for John to convince Sherlock to ask you out. He had to get coaching from both John and Mrs. Hudson and even then the entire concept seemed so foreign to him. That night he had met you at John’s house while you were babysitting Rosie. The two of you talked about his latest case. You knew that something was off and asked him about it. Eventually, with much rambling, he made it through his request. He stood silently over-analyzing every second before you had agreed. 

From there, things were interesting, to say the least. Sherlock had no idea how to be a boyfriend and it was very obvious. Luckily, you were patient and low maintenance. You would help him with cases when John was otherwise occupied. He would also stop in when you were watching Rosie. While your relationship was far from traditional, it worked. He may not have always picked up on your emotional needs, but he was there for you in ways that only he could be. His blunt and harsh words dimmed as he learned what it meant to love someone in a romantic way. He loved you in his own way, but it was precisely what you needed and you couldn’t imagine your life with anyone else.

The next step in your relationship was moving into 221 B Baker St. with Sherlock. He explained that it was convenient and cost-effective, especially since the two of you already spent so much time there. You laughed at his applied logic and agreed, excited to take the next step.

There was never a dull moment living with him between his experiments, cases, and friends. The longer you were with him, the more you realized he was like a grown puppy in constant need of attention and excitement. Whether it was a good day or a bad day, you were both always there for each other.

Mrs. Hudson was the first one to ask Sherlock if he was ever going to purpose to you. She had shipped the two of you since the first time she had seen you interact. She joked that Sherlock would not meet anyone else who adored his brain and was willing to put up with it so he’d better marry you or John and get it over with. He initially brushed off this comment, but it got him thinking. The two of you had never really talked about marriage or kids, that just wasn’t Sherlock and you understood that. Marriage was just a social construct, he found it pointless, at least he used to. Before John and Mary’s wedding.

He asked John his opinion on the matter which caught him completely off guard. He couldn’t believe that his best friend was actually considering getting married. He was so happy and helped him plan everything out.

The proposal, like the rest of your relationship, was nontraditional. You, John, and Sherlock were on a case together and it proved to be more unpredictable than Sherlock had anticipated. After momentarily escaping imminent danger, the three of you were trying to figure out your next move and he just let it slip.

“Y/f/n Y/l/n, if we make it out of this alive would you want to marry me?” he asked nonchalantly.

Before you could answer John spoke up, “Now?! We were just being shot at and you think now is the time to propose?”

“I’m sorry, is it not a good time? Would you rather me wait until after we get shot?”  he directed to his friend. 

“Sherlock-” John started.

“Yes,” you answered staring adoringly at the scene in front of you. This was your family and your life and you wouldn’t trade it for the world. 

“Yes, what?” John asked.

“Sherlock asked me a question, that is my answer. Yes.” you clarified.

“Really?” Sherlock asked.

“Yes, now can we figure out how to get out of here alive?” you added.

“Oh right, I have a plan,” Sherlock explained. 

“Of course you do,” John sighed not believing what he just witnessed.

That night ended with everyone making it out unscathed, the criminals in custody, and celebration of the engagement. When you made it back to 221 B Baker street Sherlock revealed the ring he had made for you. The two of you spent the next couple of months planning your wedding in-between cases, Sherlock was unexpectantly invested and excited. 

It was a relatively small gathering. You didn’t have much family and weren’t in contact with them. At the end of the day, it was John and Mycroft who was Sherlock’s co-best men, Rosie who was the cutest flower girl ever, Mrs. Hudson, the rest of the Holmes family, Molly, Detective Lestrade, and a few other close friends. Because you didn’t really have anyone else, you asked John to walk you down the aisle which he was honored to do. He later made a joke that you and Sherlock might as well had asked him to officiate the ceremony too.

You had both decided to write your own vows which were interesting. Sherlock went first pulling out his notes from his pocket and then deciding not to use them and speak freely instead. 

“I used to not believe in love. If you told me that I would be getting married I would have laughed at the ridiculous notion. I was logical and avoided emotions that would interfere with that. I never wanted the distraction that was love, furthermore, I didn’t believe I was capable of loving someone in a romantic way. But then I met you. I’m not going to lie and say that it was love at first sight or that I knew that we would end up together because it was not that simple. But over time I came to realize that I wanted to experience love and you. No matter how illogical, you had made an impact on my life and I wanted to explore that. Y/f/n Y/l/n you make me happy and complete in ways I can’t even comprehend. You make me want to be a better man, to be more like the man you believe that I am. So today in front of the people we love most, I vow to spend the rest of my with you, no matter where it takes us. The game is on.” he smiled.

“Oh my, how am I supposed to follow that?” you joked earning laughs from the others in attendance. 

“Okay, here it goes. Sherlock Holmes, you are one of the most brilliant and astonishing people I have ever met in my life. My life changed the moment I met you. You brought adventure, uncertainty, and excitement into my life. I know that there will never be a dull moment with the two of us. By marrying you, I realize that I am marrying science experiments in the kitchen, solving cases, and ending any chance that I had at a normal life which is perfect. I acknowledge that you are not perfect nor am I, but we are perfect for each other and that is what matters. You are everything that I never knew I needed and I love the person I am when I am with you. So today, I vow to spend the rest of my life reminding you who you are. I vow to be there for you at 2 am when the world doesn’t make sense and at 2 pm when it does. I vow to help you annoy Mycroft and to look after John and Rosie. I vow to spend the rest of my life with you, no matter where it takes us. The game is on.” you smiled reciting his last two lines.

The two of you exchanged rings and were directed to kiss which earned cheers from your friends and family. You quickly signed the papers and took the photos before adjourning to the reception that John had planned. It was nice and intimate. Your and Sherlock’s first dance was something that you would never forget. You had never realized that Sherlock could dance like that. The rest of the night was what you’d expect for a reception. You made it to the point of speeches and everyone took their turn. Mycroft’s was short and simple, he explained how he was proud of his brother for becoming the man he was and wished you luck as Sherlock was your problem now. The mood changed as it became John’s turn. His speech was so sincere and touching that it brought people to tears. When he completed, both you and Sherlock nearly tackled him in a hug.

As the night finished out, you and Sherlock prepared to leave on your honeymoon which was planned and paid for by Mycroft. You thanked everyone for coming and were on your way, knowing that John would see that everything was taken care of. You looked up at Sherlock dazed with how happy you were. This was easily the best night of your life. You couldn’t wait to see what lies in store for the two of you. After all, the game is on.

[zoe-oneesama]

non scarlet lady question, how would you had written kagami and luka entering the show? What would you have them interact with the plot or how would they affect stuff?

This is gonna be long because I have a lot to say on both sides of this, so strap in.

Kagami:

Kagami’s intro episode was perfect (for HER) - she came in quick, every bit of screen time was dedicated to establishing her character, relationship with her mother, values, and personality. With one episode we knew who Kagami was: competitive, confident (almost cocky), an extreme fear/rejection of failing, perceptive. And a softeness was established with the way she was still willing to listen to Adrien at the end of the episode, completing her mini-arc about dealing with losing in the episode. 

On the romance side, while it was interesting (and I submit even necessary) to establish that Adrien is capable of looking at other girls through a romantic lens (or at least through a “Wow she’s pretty” lens), it ended up hurting the love square because while Kagami was able to capture Adrien’s attention immediately, nothing has made Adrien look at Marinette romantically no matter how subtle or not subtle she’s been. So for it’s intended purpose of bringing in a rival for the love square, Kagami’s episode failed. I mean, c’mon, does Marinette really need more opposition for Adrien?

My fix for this is that Adrien does react the same to Kagami - wow she’s pretty - but it makes him confront whether it’s okay to feel that way about other people when he loves Ladybug. He’d come to the conclusion that there’s no harm in looking at other people because he’s not in a relationship with Ladybug, so he looks at girls close to him differently. And I mean all of them, not just Marinette. He can still look at Kagami that way - she is on his fencing team and all - but it also makes him look at other girls like Chloe and Lila that are coming onto him strong and recognizing that fact (I mean tell me you didn’t groan in Onichan when Adrien insisted that none of these girls were into him) AND IT MAKES HIM LOOK AT MARINETTE. If we’re supposed to be invested in this couple, something has to give on all sides of the square.

Otherwise, the big fix for Kagami is just being consistent. She has 3 personalities and only one of them is any good. Obviously because Riposte was such a good episode for her character, that’s the personality I’d go with, especially because it’s the only one that at least justifies giving Marinette aNOTHER rival that’s interested in Adrien - because Riposte Kagami is NOT a bad person. So far the only real rivals Marinette has had are shrews that are only interested in Adrien as a trophy boyfriend. If Kagami is going to be into Adrien (and not say, Chat Noir) she needs to bring something new to the table by making Marinette confront a rival that she can’t convince herself that Adrien deserves better. They tried to do this, which is obvious because even when Marinette is “bad mouthing” Kagami she’s going on about how cool and amazing she is, but I know I wouldn’t be rooting for Adrien to end up with the Kagami in Animaestro that rubs being Adrien’s date in other people’s faces or the Kagami in Onichan who goes into a blind rage over a picture of a random girl kissing Adrien on the cheek. They need Kagami to be a good option and to be consistently a good option.

The alternative fix is to keep Kagami on her weird up and down hyperfixated/possessive personality but have her interested in Chat Noir. I’ve discussed before how this is the whole point of having rivals - to challenge the existing status quo and make a character rethink their feelings. By having someone interested in Chat - and potentially date Chat - Ladybug has to deal with whether she’s okay with that or not (and if the writers were worth their salary the answer would be “not”). However I’m not super into this fix because even without rivals, Ladybug has already had to rethink her feelings for Chat. It just seems…superfluous at this point. Maybe back when Kagami was being introduced, but now? Meh.

Luka:

Oh Luka, your episode was so low impact and all because you’re entirely entwined in Marinette and the writers just don’t give a fuck about her, and by extension, you. His intro episode was bogged down by Agreste Angst which he could never hope to compete with. It’s really telling that the introduction to Luka wasn’t his own akuma and wasn’t even devoted to him and his character like Kagami’s was. The writers are so married to the idea that nothing will ever shake Marinette’s love for Adrien that they approach people having crushes on her with absolutely zero ceremony. I guess it was too much to hope that because this one was going to stick around that they might care about him.

What did this episode do for setting up Luka’s character? A lot of things are vague or lack depth. Luka meditates. Why? Does he have sensory issues? Is it a warm up before performing? Does he have problems dealing with emotional outbursts? Does he just think it’s cool? Luka is into guitar and Jagged Stone. Does he want to pursue that professionally? Is it for fun? Why is his band made up of his sister’s friends and not his own? Does that make it Juleka’s pet project and not his? There’s just so many questions where there weren’t any with Kagami. 

That’s not entirely bad - they could flesh out these things in later episodes. Except this is Marinette’s love interest so he doesn’t get other episodes. Aside from his akuma episode, he’s nearly background dressing when he’s granted the honor of showing up and he’s nearly always doing what he’s always doing - playing guitar and doling out advice. When Luka’s onscreen it’s almost always for someone else. And it was only until very recently that that someone else wasn’t Marinette.

So how to fix Luka’s intro episode. I’d like it to be focused on Luka, and even to an extent Juleka, and their relationship with their mom. To do this we need to establish in earlier episodes about the chaotic nature of Juleka’s homelife, some offhand remarks about their boat being so messy or Rose asking where Juleka’s house is parked this week. Start setting up that Juleka’s home is unconventional and a bit insane and also start setting up how Juleka feels about it (does she think it’s rad as hell or does she yearn for some normalcy). This helps us not have to devote time to setting up Juleka’s House AND Juleka’s Mom AND Juleka’s Brother in the same episode and instead we can focus on the dyamic between the three Couffaines. 

This is where we have Juleka and Luka’s relationship established, and Juleka and Anarka’s relationship, and Luka and Anarka’s relationship. Maybe have a big three way fight - maybe Juleka’s trying to show off the cool side of her weird living situation but Anarka’s not putting on the best of impressions by being extra messy and arguing with police and maybe Luka pipes in that this is why he’s too embarrassed to bring his own friends over and Juleka is stuck between trying to defend her mom but she’s also pretty embarrassed by her mom in this moment at least and Anarka’s extreme personality can’t take insubordination so she goes off to sulk (and gets akumatized).

Then between the fight and everyone storming off, Marinette is the one trying to mediate and by virtue of being kind AND a third party is the only one the siblings are willing to be fully open with - Juleka admits that she does think her mom is super cool and her house is super cool but she sometimes can’t help but wish things were toned down so that she felt more secure (and that her mom might not go to jail at any minute). Luke admits his mom doesn’t really embarrass him but it’s tiring when people talk badly about his family and he wishes she could be more responsible to set a better example for Juleka.

And obviously save a little MORE time for Luka’s side of things since we haven’t had seasons worth of him dropping hints about his home life, and ALSO for the romance part. Marinette’s patience warms Luka up to him, because “if I had more friends willing to listen, like you, I don’t think I’d worry what people thought so much”. Or something. Luka being vulnerable with Marinette is what attracts her to him and her willingness to listen and not judge him is what attracts him to her. 

The akuma can go pretty much the same, with Marinette impressing Luka with her Ladybug-ness peaking through. Just include some more concern between the siblings - even when they fight they still love each other. At the resolution, we have the Couffaines coming together, apologizing for letting their emotions cloud their real feelings and being honest with each other. “Mom, I love living on a boat and going where ever we want, but maybe when my friends are over could you try NOT getting arrested?” “Aye aye, I see yer point, I suppose it wouldn’t be a total breach of liberty to at least hear authority out.”

Good…start Anarka?

BUT MOST IMPORTANTLY when Adrien does show up, Luka is being sweet on Marinette, to the point where she nearly doesn’t notice his arrival. Adrien takes note of the lack of attention from Marinette and is bothered by it, even though he doesn’t know why or automatically equate it to her talking to another guy. 

THE WHOLE POINT of rivals is to change up the status quo. Adrien needs to be effected by Luka, he needs to feel like he’s losing out on something or needs to see Marinette as a romantic potential, if only by virtue of someone else taking notice in her and KEEPING notice in her I’m totally not bitter about how many guys who crush on Marinette just stop after one episode. 

Thanks for reading my essay, those are my fixes. Kagami needs to narrow down on which personality she wants, Adrien needs to wake the fuck up and see Marinette as a potential date, Luka needs attention from the writers. And I need a strong drink because it’ll probably be the Series Finale before any one of these things come to pass.

[lady-plantagenet]

What hasn’t already been said: The Spanish Princess 2

Episode 2: SOdden (or Sod ‘Em depending on your persuasion)

(Dont know how long I’ll be able to keep these puns up)

Catherine, like this woman, does not really fit into this era. But while this woman seems dropdead cool and at least looks the part, Catherine just...

To all those of you keen enough to have come back for another segment of ‘what hasn’t already been said: TSP’, as opposed to have just been scrolling when you see this - welcome back! (Scrollers you too <3)

To anyone who’s seeing this for the first time: what this is a list of observations, jokes, reactions and criticism which occur to me upon a rewatch. I wait every week until Saturday to do this so that I have had my fill of scrolling through the tag and aggregating what has already been said. I tried doing a whole spoof (here where I gave up 10% in) but tbh a) I don’t know the history well enough b) it’s more time consuming than I thought and c) this series is just not as funny or as crazy as TWQ, so it’s untenable. Having said that: This is not a hatepost. I’m not hatewatching this series and nitpicking on purpose but expressing my honest views and trying to find the good in it as well as the bad.

Without further ado...

First Scenes:

The baby cloth lifting into the ceiling of the chapel had nice ‘myth of the demon countess of Anjou (ancestress of the Plantagenets)’ vibes. I am 100% that was unintentional. I get this impression by the cringiness of the baby’s screams (what’s up with those sound effects? It sounded like a zipper).

Henry gives me such softboi vibes? It’s pleasing to me because it’s making me attracted to him as a viewer, but no good in convincing me this is Henry VIII.

I think Catherine’s exposition about how she feels is pretty ok actually, it’s fitting that she would feel anger.

CHARLES’ FATHER IS NOT MAXIMILIAN, IT’S PHILIP (or rather it was). ~~ A quick wiki search guyz, a quick wiki search. Ughh

Again with the whole everyone acting like Catherine is Queen. Can they cut it out? Also while we’re at it, what was Catherine’s attendance in councils even like?

The music was nice

Post Child announcement phase:

Oof I hate to say it but I lowkey wanted de la Pole back in this mother. Mainly because it would mean more Margaret Pole and by this point I am scared her storyline will fade in prominence now that there’s no longer a Yorkist subplot (showhorned as it was, it was the crowning glory of last season tied with Arthur x Catherine).

More x Maggie Pole and all of it over Seneca and learning :’). I already know this will be the best part of the episode.

‘We certainly know stoicism in our family’ ~ I guess she’s referring to Reggie? Because our boi Clarence was no poster boy for stoicism. Though could she be making an ironic reference to her father~?

Edmund de la Pole Debacle:

Well this convo at least passed the bechdel test.

Maggie and Edmund’s interactions here are touching. I know this plotline was rushed but I think it was just right to bring us back here for 5 min as a mournful throwback to the bygone era to which Maggie Pope belongs to and now continues to do so alone. It is emotionless and you can just feel how the York cause was hanging on by a tired old threat by that point.

Maggie Pole is becoming matronly now and I like this transition.

What bothers me about a lot of fans of Margaret Pole is that what they don’t realise is that she wasn’t all like ‘I want nothing to do with my family I’ll stay low and obscure’. While far more cautious than the likes of her ancestors, she did engage in land disputes with Henry VIII and was an outspoken supporter of Catherine and Catholic. Having her be a woman woth dubious loyalties towards the Tudors is accurate.

Scotland with Meg and Jammes:

LMFAO it’s like they read my mind when I spoke of how much I laughed when Meg was like ‘Alexander Steward you pig!1!!’ last episode.

Nice reference to Aulde Alliance

I like James.

Henry and Catherine on the balcony:

Was she commander of the forces? Was Howard appointed that? Regent she was, ok.

Charlotte Hope’s new hairstyles really suit her!

‘Will you please stop cursing’ agahsjdk ahah

No offence to women (of which I am one) but this comparison between childbirth and war is just... wrong. I know Starz think they are being smart but childbirth is far less impressive than winning or surviving a battle - comparing the two diminishes the bravery of soldiers. YET ,having said that, childbirth is necessary for our society whereas war is almost always futile and by comparing them, it wrongly represents violence as something inherently as natural to us as birth and continuing of civilisation. overall not a smart, respectful or accurate parrallel to make.

Meg and prep for invasion + Catherine in her weird armour:

So Margaret dreams that her husband is dead and bloody in her bed. Ughh show you neeed to get more creative. But I did like the whole ‘dreams are how our ancestors talk to us’ line from Angus Douglas.

Re: Meg in her beret... Why is Meg dressed like me going to the London shops in October? Digging the aesthetic but not sure about the accuracy.

Rich of Catherine to bring up Edmund.

Why is Ursula Pole crying??? What is all this to her really?

Did Howard just call the guard... sonny?? Is this some WW2 crossover?

Catherine - James and the tent parlay:

Did Catherine just insult Meg’s intelligence??

Also lmao I’m going to miss James.

Re: Howard saying ‘I’m not going to get insulted by a man wearing a dress’ .. UMMM Starz, you do know that just thirty years ago men were prancing about in dresses and leggings (essentially). From around the middle of the 14th century to the beggining of 16th century (if not earlier), Englishmen were also essentially prancing about in ‘skirts’.

Am I getting a weird cooperation-partnership vibe between Meg and James?

The Battle:

Charlotte Hope looks so good with the helmet, she’d really suit an english hood! Such a shame they won’t give her one!

Ewwww he’s eating mud, why?

Just standard battle scene. They are all the same to me no matter which movie.

Aftermath:

Jesus, I find the whole Meg crying over James IV so heartfelt ‘you arrogant bastard’ for some reason just came out so full of emotion. Can someone please explain why the hell I ship them more than Henry x Catherine?? Like how ??

Awwww Linna is sooooo adorable ughhh. Also this whole Catherine going into armour among all the women crooning over the children gives this adorable sense of Catherine boyish and bloodying herself out to protect their peace, idk. All I have to say is that these series is less eager to pitt women against each other than the previous. I think that’s a step forwards.

Also, good to see Catherine being modest about her victory so Henry can save face. Finally starting to seem like the real Catherine.

‘Go on you dog’ arghh ahah he sounds like some public school rugby lad egging his mate on.

Re: Wolsey cock-blocker; the real Catherine would know it was uncatholic to have sex when you were pregnant. Also Catherine is not technically speaking in confinement if she’s wandering about.

It’s nice to see Catherine sticking up for Howard, she at least learned to respect him during the battle.

I foresee Oviedo having enough of this Christian stuff and wanting to return to the berber domains (I suppose Spain is out of the question)

Knighting Ceremony:

Apparently Margaret Pole herself was made Countess of Salisbury during this same ceremony... right? @houseofclarence

Also Maggie Pole being like: “being a rebel is in my blood, or so they tell me”... gahhh what’s with these shows and the Clarence erasure? Can’t they make one bloody reference to her dad or grandad Warwick? Ugh. Especially with lines like this. Actually? You know what? Ignore my previous comment about the stoic remark and it being an ironic reference to Clarence. I put such subtlety above this show’s writers.

Catherine has a habit of going to the coldest places possible to lose her children...

Haha @ Henry asking Bessie Blount (of all people) where Catherine is.

Conclusion:

6/10

What I’m happiest about is that Flodden got dealt with in one episode because warrior xena Catherine is not what interests me most about this show. Having said that, it was a true shame that James IV died because his were some of the best scenes. This whole show is starting to feel so historical fantasy-ish because the aesthetics are so confused. Granted it’s still pretty (not eyesore like Reign) but it doesn’t penetrate.

I am as always invested in the Poles (and More) but am also starting to get attached to Princess Mary whose actress exudes plenty of charm. This show remains confused with its feminist message because while it shows women being proactive there is so much emphasis on babies that what remains with the mind after watching is this womanish birthdrama, as opposed to a show about struggles which affect both genders.

You might tut at me and say I’m being ridiculous and that it is historically accurate to put so much emphasis on women’s babies and I say that’s swell. I would happily watch a show where that element is strong (most pre 1995 historical dramas are like that with traditionally feminine characters and I gulp them up like sustenance), but if a show promises feminism and women-men being partners I want it to deliver that properly. As I said in my previous post, why do we keep trying to make women engage in acts like war as if such an abhorrent act is the only way to take them seriously? I await the day where cunning, rationality and cool-headedness will be the traits portrayed as feminist ones.

There is nothing else to really comment on... the only potentially deeper message in this is the gender discourse. I am unsure about the accuracy so I can’t speak of the historical value of the interpretation. But what I will say is that though I remain excited for each new episode... I’m just not as invested as I was in TWQ (rewatch every year dont @ me) or TWP despite their many flaws. Some characters pull me in eg Maggie Pole (Carmichael is a bae), Thomas More etc but not the whole cast like TWQ. Anyway... would be interesting to see if anything happens with Lina and Oviedo tommorow as their storyline is conspicuously slow.

[thelaundrypool-a]

anonymous sent / meme ;

👑 & kafei from majora's mask - you've got an incredible talent for fleshing out side characters from these games !!

WOULD I: YES / MAYBE / NO

HAVE I EVER BEFORE: YES / NO

ICON & WRITING SAMPLE

as one mask came down, another, one meticulously crafted under years of hard scrutiny as the mayor’s son, dutifully stood. stoic, defiantly refusing to let even a glimmer of his true feelings shine through, it did not, however, stop how his fingers clutched tight to the keaton mask. ‘ but, i’m not hiding because i look this way. ‘

his heart thrummed and squeezed in his ribcage. even if it was not a true, physical pain, the emotional agony was all too present. what sort of lows had he fallen to, entrusting such delicate matters to a strange boy and his sharp-tongued fairy companion? entrusted with a letter unmistakably penned by anju’s hand, it was her trust alone that kafei followed--even if the path he had taken had undermined all she had invested in him.

‘ my mask... ‘

small hands (impossibly small, it had been weeks since he had been warped into this image of his child self by that cruel and malicious imp, yet he still couldn’t wrap his mind around it) squeezed that much tighter around the edges of the mask.

‘ the one i was supposed to give to anju, at our wedding ceremony--it was stolen. ‘

his eyes flutter shut, but only for a moment. no weakness. nothing could be allowed to slip through the cracks. not when it was his own foolish, childish fault for damning them all to this to begin with. perhaps this body was a reflection of his immature heart.

‘ ... here. ‘ from behind his neck, kafei gently tugged the pendant hanging loose against his chest over his head, carefully shifting his hair out of the way to extend it forward. ‘ give... this to her. to anju. ‘ to my anju. there it was again--the distinctive ache of his heart, though a pain different than his ever-stinging pride. it had been so long since they had been apart for such a length of time. he couldn’t remember the last time he had left her side.

‘ she’ll understand. ‘ kafei’s eyes flickered over the outline of the pendant, and he felt a pang of anxiety at the prospect of link losing it. trust in him, he reassured himself, gaze steeling as he looked back up at the boy, as she had. ‘ tell her i haven’t forgotten our promise. ‘

[anunquenchableflame]

Horizon’s Ghost

Setting: ME2, right after Priority: Horizon Characters: Rani Shepard, Garrus Vakarian Content: F!Shepard x Kaidan / SFW / 99% written to get one stupid joke out of my system

Shepard didn’t deal well with failure. Turned out she wasn’t great with disappointment either.

Also on AO3

Horizon had been a nightmare. 

Oh, Mordin’s upgrades had protected them from the swarm, just as he’d said they would. They’d taken down everything the Collectors could throw at them and driven them away with their harvest incomplete. But ultimately they’d been too late for most of the colony, and that counted as mission failure in Shepard’s eyes. 

Shepard did not deal well with failure.

And then there was seeing Kaidan again… nothing could have prepared her for that. He’d always been in a corner of her mind, ever since she awoke. She’d quietly imagined countless scenes of their reunion: Part of her kept an eye out for him every time they went to the Citadel, hoping happenstance would see them brought together. They’d laugh, they’d kiss, they’d cry, and they'd pick up right where they'd left off, as if it had been nothing but a few weeks apart. It was soppy and ridiculous, and all that was missing was the swelling soundtrack.

None of her idle imaginings had included the sweat, the blood, the stink of eezo, or the look of confusion that had turned to utter wounded betrayal when they finally stood face-to-face. She hadn’t imagined the clipped accusative tone of his voice, the hardness in what had always been such soft warm eyes. She hadn’t imagined how much it would hurt. They couldn’t have left the colony quickly enough after that and she’d refused to meet anyone’s eyes in the shuttle, lest they see how hard she was struggling to build a dam against her welling emotions.

Turned out Shepard didn’t deal particularly well with disappointment either. 

-

She’d been fending off call-me-Kelly ever since they’d returned to the ship. No, she didn’t want to talk about the mission; no, not about seeing Kaidan either; no, definitely not about her attitude to failure; NO. She did not want the interfering naive busybody taking notes and reporting back any more than she already did. What she wanted was to take a hot shower, cry for about an hour, eat dinner, go to bed, and maybe cry some more. Maybe hit something, should a target present itself.

She’d managed step one of that plan. Hot water had washed away the dirt and sweat of the mission and eased her tense muscles, but not her mood. She’d dried off and wrapped up in her dressing gown–warm and soft and totally devoid of Cerberus emblems, courtesy of their last trip to the Citadel–and was squeezing the moisture out of her hair when someone tapped at the door.

“I told you it’s none of your fucking business, Chambers!” Rani snapped.

“Shepard, it’s me.” Garrus’s drawl was unmistakable even through the bulkhead. She paused in towelling her hair for a moment but then went on with renewed intensity, resolutely ignoring him.

A minute later: “Still here, Shepard.”

Rani let out an exasperated sigh. She went to the door and glared at the interface for a moment, then opened it to transfer the glare to the persistent turian on the other side.

“Not now, Vakarian. It’s been a long day.”

“I know. I thought you might want to talk about it.”

“Nothing to talk about,” she said, with a shrug that wasn’t convincing anyone.

Garrus slipped past her and sauntered into the cabin while she made ineffectual protesting noises. He noted the photo frame face down on her desk. Though it was his first time in her cabin it didn’t take any great leap of deductive reasoning to guess whose face had been slammed into the desktop. He picked up the frame, which lit up at the contact, and found exactly the portrait he’d expected on the other side.

“You know,” he began casually. “I went to your memorial. Nice ceremony, if a little pompous. Everyone was very complimentary, especially the people who’d never met you. No-one who had could have said such nice things, not with a straight face.” Shepard couldn’t help but smile a little at that, despite her determination to stay disgruntled. “Anderson was more realistic, said you were a pain in the ass but you knew how to get the job done and we’d all be a little weaker for your loss, though he may have said it more politely than that. He asked Alenko if he’d say something too, but I don’t think he had the words. Not for that crowd anyway. Now, I don’t know much about human mourning rituals but getting extremely drunk seems to be important, so as soon as we found a bar that could serve a dextro beer, I obliged. You know Kaidan starts to glow when he’s drunk a lot? At least I think that part was real, hard to tell in hindsight, there really was a lot of alcohol…” Garrus shook his head. “In any case: we talked, the way men who are very drunk and very sad do.” He carefully placed the frame back on Shepard’s desk with Kaidan’s shy smile pointed right at her, the sniper’s precise shot to the heart as unerring as ever. “He’s angry now, but I don’t think he could hate you even if he tried.”

Rani regarded the portrait for a moment, her eyes downcast, before speaking. “I know.”

“You do?” Garrus’s mandibles did the thing Shepard had always interpreted as turian eyebrow raising. “Damn, I was all prepared to talk you round. I had a speech ready and everything.”

Shepard shrugged. “I suppose I should have expected his reaction. If our roles were reversed it… would not have been so dignified. There’d be yelling and broken things. Probably no colony left at all.” She hugged her arms close to her chest. “I don’t know what I thought was going to happen. I hoped he’d be glad to see me, that he’d understand and everything would go back to how it was but it’s… more complicated than that. And after you and Tali took it all in your stride, I guess I–” She stopped and shook her head, dismayed at the insane unlikelihood of her situation. No-one was equipped for the dead coming back to life, not the bereft nor the departed themselves. Kaidan had called her a ghost, and that didn’t seem far off. It should be a wonder that anyone was coping. 

“Oh, there was some processing to be done, believe me,” said Garrus. “But it had to wait until after the siege and the rocket to the face and the lifesaving surgery, after which Commander Shepard being not so dead didn’t seem like such a stretch.” He paused. “Also I’d had a message from Tali right before that all went down, the gist of which was ‘What And How The Fuck’.”

Shepard huffed a half-hearted laugh. “Good question.” She flopped back against the illuminated glass of the fishtank and slid down until she sat on the floor. After a moment Garrus hunched down next to her.

“I guess he told you all about us then?” asked Rani, looking down at her hands as she absently picked at her fingernails. “Our illicit affair.” That sounded dramatic, but it was true enough. They’d both known how much trouble there’d be if they were found out, but that had seemed less and less important as time went on.

“Didn’t really need to, Shepard.” Garrus sounded apologetic, but also slightly amused.

“Oh.” She winced, not sure if she wanted the answer to her next question: “Did everyone know?”

“Not everyone. But I think most of us realised there was a little more going on than you wanted us to see.”

She shook her head ruefully. “We thought we were so discreet.” 

“Oh, no, you were pretty good. No-one ever caught him sneaking out of your cabin or anything. But you couldn’t hide some things: The way you looked at each other, or stood a touch closer together than normal, the way he’d help you with your armour, or all those little wordless agreements. Anyone who spent much time with the two of you could tell how close you were. And you forget- I was a detective. May not have found anything solid on Saren but you two were a much easier case to crack.”

“I’m not sure that comforts me… Who knows, maybe there’s a court martial waiting for me if I ever get back to the Alliance. Though I suppose fraternizing with a fellow officer might be quite low on the list of my offenses. Did kind of mutiny and steal a ship even before I was a traitor.”

“You saved a colony from being totally wiped out. You’ve saved a lot of people. As far as I can see you’re doing the same job you always did, how’s that make you a traitor?” 

“Oh, maybe because it’s Cerberus paying the bills? They’re the enemy, and here I am working for them. With them,” she quickly corrected herself. She grew quiet again. “Kaidan certainly thought it did.”

“He’ll come around. Right now he doesn’t have all the facts.”

“I’m not sure that I do either. I just wish we’d had more time to talk. Explain, in as much as I can.”

“Think you could have talked him into coming along?”

“Yes. No. I don’t know... Maybe it’s best that he’s not involved. They’d only find a way to use him to manipulate me. Again.” The last word was bitter in her mouth. Clearly her old crew weren’t the only ones to put two and two together. They’d known exactly how to invest her in Horizon. No, the further away Kaidan was the better it was for both of them. Not that all of her was on board with that conclusion. “I just wanted more time to talk. For him it's been years but for me it feels like only a few months. He's worked through it all and gotten over me, while I'm still- I’m still newly in love.” Her voice wavered and tears suddenly welled up, the carefully constructed floodgates of her composure finally bursting open with the admission. She buried her face in her arms. “It's so stupid.” Her shoulders shook and her words were muffled as they were forced out between sobs. “I’m a goddamned marine. N7. The first human Spectre. I won the Star of Terra when I was twenty-two. I’ve come back from the dead, faced geth and collectors and husks and reapers and rogue Spectres and- and I'm sitting here in my dressing gown crying over fucking Kaidan Alenko.”

There was a thoughtful pause.

Turians could not, technically, smirk. They didn't have the mouths for it. You needed lips and different cheek muscles. But there was a way that they tilted their heads and did a thing with their mandibles that was close, and Garrus had a voice that was basically an aural smirk anyway. So when he spoke next Rani assumed that his words were delivered with a smirk.

“Isn't this about… not fucking Kaidan Alenko?”

Her mouth formed an indignant O as she looked up, red eyed, at Garrus and smacked him on the arm. It wasn't hard and he probably couldn’t feel it through the armour and carapace, but it certainly made her feel better. “I am heartbroken and in tears, Vakarian, and you're making shitty jokes!”

“Oh come on, Shepard, I couldn't leave that there. And now you're laughing and crying, that's an improvement, right?” Shepard knew a shit-eating-grin when she saw it no matter the shape of the face it was on.

“I saved your life and this is the treatment I get?” She sniffed and wiped her nose with the back of her hand, a small grudging smile fighting the urge to resume crying. “I can’t believe I let you back on my crew, you’re terrible.”

“True enough.”

“Of all the people I could have had back I had to get the smart-arse turian.”

“Humans tell me that beggars can’t be choosers. Also something about the use of projectiles in glass structures that I’m not sure if I’m remembering correctly.” Garrus looked down at her very seriously. “I don’t know if anyone’s told you, but you’re kind of a smart-ass yourself.”

“You’re just trying to rile me up so I’m not miserable anymore.”

“Well, I know how to deal with you when you’re angry, I’m… I’m not sure what to do with sad,” he admitted. “I’m not very good at this.”

The fight went out of her in one breath. “Me either.” She wiped her nose again and pressed her lips together as the tears threatened to well up once more. “I miss everyone. Not just Kaidan- Wrex, Tali, Liara–” she paused and sniffed “–Ash. She’d have some things to say right now, I’m sure.”

Garrus chuckled. “Spirits, can you imagine? She’d be even more pissed with you than Kaidan was.”

“No doubt. Maybe if I’d had both of them glaring at me I’d have stayed right there and given Cerberus the finger.”

“I have no idea what that means but it sounds extremely intimate.”

Rani snorted. “I’m really glad you’re here Garrus.” She leaned her head against his shoulder. “Terrible as you are.”

“Hey, someone’s got to watch your back. And without the rest of the old crew around, I guess it had better be the smart-ass turian. Now, what does giving someone a finger mean?”

“With those talons, I think it’s best you don’t know.”

[ineffably-good]

I Will Follow You Into the Dark (2/10) (Good Omens fic)

Read the whole thing on AO3 - it’s finished!

Summary: In which a snake learns he cannot be a ringbearer, and Aziraphale realizes he can get free cake for months.

Aziraphale was surprised to wake up the next morning after having apparently slept the entire night entangled with Crowley. This was a rarity for him – while he did occasionally indulge in a few hours of sleep, a half night was usually about the most he could pull off. This morning though, he let out a long breath and relaxed back into his partner’s arms. Why not indulge for a while longer?

The demon was so peaceful when he was sleeping – it was the only time Aziraphale ever really saw his face at rest. Usually watching Crowley’s face was a race just to keep up with the lightning-fast thoughts and changes in emotional states; when he slept, though, the lines and angles smoothed out and he looked younger, somehow, and much, much more vulnerable. It made the angel’s heart ache with adoration just to look at him.

“You’re staring at me, angel,” the demon muttered sleepily. “All prickly feeling.”

Aziraphale leaned in and kissed him on one eyebrow, then the other. “Just admiring, my dear,” he said. “Did you sleep well?”

“Mmmhmm,” the demon mumbled, rolling away from him. “Not done yet.”

Aziraphale took pity and abandoned the bedroom, taking a moment to pull on a warm, cable-knit jumper. It was still a little chilly out, and as he padded downstairs he thoughtfully raised the ambient temperature by another ten degrees, hoping that it would maybe keep his companions comfortably awake for the rest of the day. He swung into the kitchen to set up the cappuccino maker, knowing the aroma would soon bring Crowley to his senses, and then headed out to survey the mess of wedding magazines from the previous night.

Frederick was up and moving, so he pulled him out to join him on the floor. Frederick hissed approvingly at being allowed to try out the new den; he burrowed under a magazine that was lying open and upside down, with just his head and tail sticking out of either side of the spine.

“It would nice if we could have you be part of the wedding ceremony, Frederick,” Aziraphale said thoughtfully.

OH SURE, NO PROBLEM. Frederick thought. WHAT’S A WEDDING, ANYWAYS?

“Think you could carry a ring?” Aziraphale asked. He pondered for a minute, and then slipped off his angelic sigil ring for a moment – he certainly wasn’t going to try this with his engagement ring, after all. Moving slowly and carefully, he placed it on the tip of Frederick’s tail, where it snugged down a few inches before coming to rest.

WHAT THE HELL IS THAT? Frederick shrieked, feeling both the cold metal and the touch of some kind of powerful energy on his tail. IS THAT SOME KIND OF COLLAR? I DON’T WEAR COLLARS YOU FLUFFY IDIOT!

Frederick thrashed around, trying to get a good look at his tail, and in the process sent the ring flying across the room, where a series of clinks indicated it landed under the feet of one of the larger bookcases.

“Well so much for that idea,” the angel said frostily, heading over to look for it.

++

Crowley awoke to the smell of brewing coffee, and couldn’t resist -- he made his way slowly down the stairs and out into the main area, where he stopped in surprise at the sight that greeted him. Aziraphale, down on his hands and knees, head on the floor as he squiggled and tried to get an arm under various pieces of furniture. Across the room from him, Frederick was lounging on a pile of magazines. He would swear it looked like the snake was highly amused.

“Well this is a lovely sight,” he commented drolly, and the angel sat up so fast that he knocked a few books over. “What’s all this?”

“Oh, er, hello,” Aziraphale said. “Nothing, just call it a failed experiment. I tried my sigil ring on Frederick to see if he could maybe be a ring bearer and he had a full body convulsion and sent it flying across the room. I can’t quite get to it.”

Crowley pursed his lips and tried not to laugh. The angel had dust bunnies all over his waistcoat and in his hair, and he looked absolutely adorable. “You’re an angel, Aziraphale.”

“Yes, and?”

Crowley shook his head. “And you thought it was a good idea to put your angelic sigil, which holds some of your powers, ON A SNAKE.”

“I did, yes,” the angel said, stubbornly.

The demon sighed and snapped his fingers, and a glint of gold appeared in his hand. “Also,” he said patiently, “you have powers and don’t have to actually get down there and dig around, you know.”

Oh. That was true. Aziraphale walked over and took the ring out of his hand, unable to think of any adequate response.  

“You’re so lucky you have me around, love,” Crowley said, before blowing him a kiss and walking off to get a cup of coffee.

Aziraphale followed him a few minutes later, dust bunnies removed and dignity restored.

They chatted for the next half hour about essentials about the wedding, and managed to set some parameters. They both wanted a small wedding, with just friends and no real wedding party. Budget wasn’t really a concern, as various questionable investments over the last two hundred years had left Crowley with nearly unlimited funds at his disposal, and Aziraphale also had a tidy sum socked away himself. Having some portion of the event outdoors would be lovely, the both agreed. Top priorities were flowers and food.  They’d go simple on the invitations, focus on mostly candid photography from a low key professional, and just make the reception a nice, enjoyable party.

“So, what are my jobs?” Aziraphale said.

“You pick the food. And the cake.” Crowley had obviously already given this some thought. “I’ll head up most everything else.”

Aziraphale looked concerned. “Are you sure? This shouldn’t be a burden on you, Crowley! I want to help.”

“Oh you’re going to help!” Crowley agreed. “But you’re just too easy to please to make some of these decisions. I mean, you’d never know if the flowers were good enough or not, would you? I’m not going to let a sub-par ranunculus mess up our special day. Everything needs to be right.”

Aziraphale stared for a moment. “You will NOT berate our wedding flowers, Crowley, I just won’t have it. I’m not standing up to marry you surrounded by terrified, sobbing plants.”

“Oh please, you exaggerate,” Crowley scoffed.

“I mean it, Crowley,” the angel warned.

“All right, all right. I will be nice to the ones I pick out, promise.”

One battle won, the angel thought.

++

They went out of the next view days to visit a number of sites around town, including libraries and gardens, hotels and schools. Oddly enough, each place they visited found that they did indeed have a prime Saturday in August available for rental, despite usually booking two years in advance. Aziraphale frowned at Crowley over that one and made a mental note to find out later whose bookings he cancelled and restore them, but he put up with it as likely unstoppable at this point.

Each venue was lovely in its own way, but the one that won both their hearts was the Nash conservatory at Kew Gardens. Small and intimate with huge floor to ceiling glass walls on three sides, it offered just the right amount of space for their smaller wedding party and the garden setting felt welcoming and homelike to them both.

They took a few minutes to walk around the grounds before they made a final decision.

“Remember how many dates we spent here?” Crowley said.

“They weren’t all dates,” Aziraphale said. “Most of them were before the apocalypse.”

“They were dates and you know it,” Crowley said. “All of it was dates, really.”

“So we’ve been dating, in your view, for over six thousand years?”

“At least for the last four thousand, yes.”

Aziraphale squeezed his hand. “That’s a lovely thought. You might have told me, though.”

“You just weren’t listening hard enough,” the demon teased.

They had reached the Palm House, always one of their favorites.

“Remember the night we broke in here?” Aziraphale asked. “Had a midnight picnic?”

“Oh sure, you sound all calm about it now, but you were practically hyperventilating about the breaking and entering then,” Crowley reminded him.

Aziraphale waved a hand. “Was not. I just wanted you to feel comfortable, and you like it when I’m a little flustered. Don’t even try to say you don’t.”

Crowley grinned at him. “You’re an idiot.”

“You’re the one marrying me,” he retorted. “Let’s go back and book it, my dear – you’re right, this is perfect!”

Crowley had it booked and paid almost before he had finished the sentence.

++

A few days later they chose a simple invitation at the neighborhood printer and put together the guest list – their friends from Tadfield and their families, Madam Tracy and the Witchfinder, the staff from a handful of local merchants, bakery owners, and restaurants who had become friends, and a few favorite customers. All in all, it was a small set, about forty people, just perfect for the space they were thinking of.

They pointedly did not send invites to anyone from their respective former employers.

“Do you think we need any security, Crowley?” Aziraphale asked worriedly as they walked back to the shop.

“What do you mean?”

“Well,” Aziraphale said carefully. “Do you think Above or Below is going to try to interfere in any way? They wouldn’t be particularly happy to hear about this, I suppose.”

Crowley frowned and thought it over. “I don’t know. We haven’t seen hide nor hair of them since the big capture in the park. Seems like maybe they’ve decided to wash their hands of us entirely.”

“You’re right,” Aziraphale said. “It’s been very quiet.”

“And Adam did set some changes in place to lessen interference from either side,” Crowley added. “But I can talk to Anathema about some warding for the wedding site, just in case. She ought to be able to set up spells or glyphs around the buildings and the grounds to keep any entities other than us from being able to enter the day of the wedding.”

“That’s a good idea, dear,” Aziraphale said. “Let’s do that.”

“Angel,” Crowley said slowly, “Do you have some reason to be worried?”

Aziraphale thought about that brief, odd twinge he felt outside the bookstore the prior week. Had that been anything, or had it just been his imagination? Things had certainly been perfectly calm since.

“No,” he finally said, “I haven’t. Just being cautious. You know me.”

Crowley appeared satisfied with that answer, and let it go. He did place a call to Anathema that night, though, and invited her up the following weekend to talk strategies.

++

The next morning Aziraphale was downstairs making a racket in the kitchen when Crowley woke up, and a quick sniff indicated that it was clearly a waffles morning. Hit with an instant fit of hunger,

Crowley quickly dressed and headed down.

Aziraphale greeted him with a smile, looking a little tired and pale, and immediately plated him an enormous waffle the size of his head. He was sure the angel had fiddled with the waffle iron, somehow, to make it larger, as no one made waffles that big. It was also, oddly enough, heart shaped.

“Isn’t it a little early for this kind of sentimental display?” he teased.

Aziraphale simply made a face at him and added syrup and powdered sugar with a heap of berries to his plate, then plopped down the foamiest, creamiest cappuccino he’d seen in weeks.

“Your breakfast,” he said with a flourish. Then he plated one of similar size for himself and sat down across from him.

Crowley smiled his thanks and took a large sip of his coffee, before leaning back contentedly.

“Now this is the way to live,” he sighed, contemplating whether to start with waffle, berries, or both. “You look tired, by the way. Everything okay?”

“I didn’t sleep very well,” the angel said. “I had a – what are they called? Ill dream? Night torment? Never had one before.”

“Nightmare, angel. You had a nightmare?” Crowley looked at him reproachfully. “Why didn’t you wake me up?”

“Because you were asleep and it was just a silly dream,” the angel said, ever reasonable. “I don’t even remember the details, honestly. Just woke up in a panic with my heart racing. I was able to calm myself down.”

Crowley stabbed his fork into his gigantic waffle and left it there, twanging vertically. He leaned forward with both elbows on the table and fixed the angel with his most serious of serious looks.

“Listen to me, angel,” he said quietly. “You are my fiancé and soon to be husband and if you have a nightmare I don’t want to hear this utter bullshit about letting me sleep. You. Will. Wake. Me. Up. Do you understand me?”

“I really don’t think that’s necessary –”

“I really don’t think you get a say in this one,” Crowley snapped. “The entire point of this is that I get to be here for you when you need me. You’d want me to do the same, wouldn’t you?”

Aziraphale stared at him, transfixed, while a rush of heated love and mild shame roiled through him.  He was right. He was entirely right.

“Yes, I would,” he finally admitted. “I will if it happens again. I promise.”

Satisfied, the demon pried his fork loose and returned to cramming food into his mouth as if the world was coming to an end.

“So,” the angel said after a bit of a pause, eager to get back to more pleasant subjects. “We’ve got the venue and the invitations done. What’s on the wedding agenda for today?”

“Oh, you’ll like today!” Crowley said with a grin. “It’s cake tastings today.”

As expected, the angel’s face lit up like a kid at a birthday party. “You get to go taste cakes?” he asked, almost afraid to believe it. “Like, people give you actual slices of cake just because you’re planning a wedding?”

Crowley laughed. “Yes, angel, they give you cake. As many flavors as you like. As many bakeries as you like. In fact, if you like, you can go taste cakes every day for the next month, as long as you pick different places each time. No one’s going to turn away a well-to-do patron who’s wedding shopping.”

Aziraphale cut his waffle in half and pushed one portion of it aside. “I’d better save some room, then,” he said with a twinkle in his eye. “This sounds like the perfect day!”

++

Crowley sat back and watched as Aziraphale had the time of his life that morning. He was clearly in his element, charming each and every one of the bakers they met with his intense love for fine baked goods and interest in the ingredients. Crowley had made appointments at the four top-rated cake shops in greater London and sped them to each in the Bentley. It was a sign of how much the angel was enjoying himself that he didn’t even comment on their record-breaking speeds.

The angel insisted on trying a little bit of everything. Sponge cake to fruit cake, buttercream and fondants, ganache and fruit gelees, profiteroles and cupcakes, and the ever famous croque en bouche, its tiny cream puffs piled high under hard swoops of caramelized sugar.

The only place the angel drew a hard line was at the idea of the currently trendy ‘naked cake.’

“Cake without frosting?” he gasped. “What on earth is the point of that?”

The proprietor insisted on bringing one out to show them. Aziraphale was polite and tried it, making encouraging comments about the tastiness and moistness of the cake, but as soon as they left the building he was full of criticism.

“Cross that one off the list, Crowley,” he said acerbically. “I can’t trust the judgment of someone who thinks cake laid bare of frosting is a good thing.”

Crowley smiled. “Whatever you say, angel. Just do me a favor and don’t make it cupcakes, either.”

“No cupcakes?”

“Cupcakes are for children.”

“I agree, actually,” Aziraphale said. “You can have cupcakes anytime. You only get to have your own wedding cake once.”

They reached the car and Crowley held the passenger door open for him. “Off to patisserie number four,” he announced grandly, closing the door with a flourish.

++

They were walking down the block to the final cake tasting when Aziraphale stumbled and caught onto Crowley’s arm for support.

“Are you all right?” Crowley asked, peering at him.

“Yes, I think so – I just felt a little dizzy for a moment,” the angel replied. He stopped and took a few deep breaths.

“Do you need water?” Crowley asked. “Want to sit down somewhere?”

The angel let go of his arm and straightened up with a determined smile. “I’m fine, really! It’s just been an exciting day and I got a little overheated in this big coat. Let’s keep walking.”

Crowley frowned and undid a few buttons of the angel’s overcoat, then unwrapped a layer of the lightweight scarf he was wearing so the angel could get some air.

“Better?” he asked, concerned.

“Fit as a fiddle,” Aziraphale assured him, moving on.

++

“Welcome, welcome!” said the proprietor at the final shop. “You are Mr. Crowley and Mr. Fell, I presume?” She handed them each a glass of champagne and ushered them back to the finely appointed tasting room.

“Please tell me a little about what you had in mind for your wedding cake,” the woman said, pulling out a little notepad.

Aziraphale filled her in on the basics – the venue, the number of guests, and what they had liked or not liked so far.

“And you, sir?” she said, turning to Crowley.

Crowley leaned in and smiled. “Just make him happy,” he said. “This man LOVES cake, and I want him to have the best wedding cake he’s ever seen for our big day. Oh, and no cupcakes. And nothing cutesy. Flowers would be nice, possibly.”

Aziraphale laughed a little as his ‘I have no opinions on cake’ fiancé turned out to have rather a lot of opinions after all.

They tried three or four spectacular cake samples there and were just settling in to try a second portion of their current favorite – a chocolate sponge with pomegranate filling and a rich, decadent buttercream, when it happened.

“I think we might have a winner,” Crowley said, turning to Aziraphale with an eyebrow raised.

Aziraphale paused with a forkful halfway to his mouth, and then laid the fork down with a clunk.

“Oh,” he said, placing his hand on the table as if supporting himself. “I don’t feel so well.”

Crowley and the baker looked at him, concerned. “What is it angel?”

“I’m dizzy,” he said, whitening alarmingly. “The whole room is –”

He broke off and made a strange noise deep in his throat.

Crowley grabbed him by the shoulders and tried to get the angel to focus on him. “Angel, what’s happening? Breathe with me,” he said. “Get him some water,” he shouted to the baker, who rushed off to the kitchen.

Aziraphale raised frantic-looking eyes towards the demon and wobbled in his seat. “Oh no,” he said in a panicked tone. “I think – my dear I think I’m –”

Crowley blinked as the angel appeared to become slightly transparent around the edges for a moment. It almost looked like he flickered.

OH FUCK, he thought, as he realized slightly too slowly what was happening  just as the angel managed to get the words out –

“—being summoned!”

“SHIT!” The demon frantically looked around for salt but it was already too late.

There was a flare of light and when his sight cleared, the angel was gone.

[buckybarnesbingo]

BBB Week 6 Roundup!

Don’t forget that our late card requests are still open until the 22nd!

Title: take you down Collaborator: ABitNotGoodieBag Link: AO3 Square Filled: Kiss Me Ship: BuckySam Rating: Explicit Major Tags: BDSM, explicit sexual content Summary: Bucky is a distracting menace and Sam’s gonna let him know what’s what. Word Count: 4222

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Title: Petals - Chapter 7 Collaborator: DocOlive Link: AO3 Square Filled: K4 - Intimacy without sex Ship: Stucky, IronStrange Rating: Teen Major Tags: Hanahaki disease, emotional constipation, sickfic Summary: “So what you both have, it seems, is a terminal case of idiocy.” Strange swept into the open living area, like he was continuing a conversation Bucky forget they were having. Which, okay, was reasonable, given the massive levels of shit he was feeling at the moment. He glanced over to where Steve was perched at the far end of the couch, pale and sweaty, looking even more delicate than usual. Bucky imagined he looked about as miserable, himself, what with the recent tendency to work up hairballs made of goddamn flowers.  --  Bucky and Steve admit their feelings and feel better. Stephen Strange is an ass. Word Count: 7203

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Title: Save Another Life (It Will Be Worth It) - Chapter 2: Helpless Collaborator: rebelmeg Link: AO3 Square Filled: U4 – restrained Ship: Bucky & Tony & Bruce Rating: Teen Major Tags: child abuse, Dad Bucky & Kid Tony & Kid Bruce, heavy angst and lots of fluff Summary: James' suspicions about Bruce's home life are confirmed in the worst way. Word Count: 6505

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Title: Escape Plan: 12 Percent of a Plan - Chapter 1: 12% of a Plan Collaborator: tisfan Link: Tumblr Square Filled: K4 - Meet Ugly Ship: WinterIronQuill Rating: Teen Major Tags: Prison fic, lack of planning, assholes, but not 100% dicks   Summary: They say the first day in prison, you have to win a fight, or become someone’s bitch. Tony’s got no idea which thing just happened. Word Count: 1480

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Title: Siren -  Chapter 2: Concentrating my moves, I'm on a mission Collaborator: writing-mermaid Link: Tumblr Square Filled: C3 - Free square Ship: Bucky/Reader Rating: Mature Major Tags: Fight, mention of injuries and blood Summary: Y/N is a mutant, a Siren, the last of her kind, with deadly dangerous powers and a hidden past. If most of the Avengers likes and get along with her, Steve doesn’t, and it’s getting worse when Y/N and Bucky become close. After all what can bring two broken souls together if it’s not a dark past. Word Count: 1643

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Title: Artificial Indignities Collaborator: EachPeachPearPlum Link: AO3 Square Filled: C2 - Walking Disaster Ship: WinterHawk Rating: Mature Major Tags: humour, flatulence, attempted cock-blocking Summary: In which Clint makes the mistake of comparing JARVIS and Alexa, and suffers the consequences. Word Count: 1672

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Title: Broken Angels - Chapter 23: For Want of a Cat Collaborator: pherryt Link: AO3 Square Filled: - Cat Ship: Bucky/Clint/Steve/Natasha Rating: Explicit Major Tags: For this chapter, none, for the overall fic: Dark elements, brainwashing, low self worth, violence, canon divergent AU Summary: Winter bonds with Peter and Tony freaks out. Just a little. Word Count: 55,443

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Title: Save Another Life (It Will Be Worth It) - Chapter 3: From Bad To Worse Collaborator: rebelmeg Link: AO3 Square Filled: C5 – the clock is ticking Ship: Bucky & Tony & Bruce Rating: Teen Major Tags: child abuse, Dad Bucky & Kid Tony & Kid Bruce, heavy angst, character death Summary: The bruises on Bruce's face heal. His home life doesn't. James is driven to make a drastic and necessary decision. Word Count: 9421

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Title: where we existed, we invested all our time (just to witness the bitter side of life) Collaborator: asphxdels Link: AO3 Square Filled: K2 - Regrets Ship: WinterIron Rating: Gen Major Tags: Hurt No Comfort, Angst, Break Up Summary: “It was selfish and it won’t ever happen again.”  “I know it won’t.” Word Count: 1223

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Title: The Nearness of You [Part One] Collaborator: arrowsandmixtapes Link: Tumblr Square Filled: B5 - Soul Bond Ship: Bucky/Reader Rating: Teen Major Tags: Canon divergence and other creative liberties Summary: While stationed overseas, Bucky Barnes meets a woman his very soul recognizes. Word Count: 3664

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Title: See You Collaborator: sarahbenial Link: AO3 Square Filled: Y1 - Through a Scope Ship: BuckyNat Rating: Mature Major Tags: Non-graphic violence, brief non-graphic sex, smoking   Summary: Bucky’s about to pull the trigger on a target when he’s interrupted by a familiar figure. Word Count: 1975

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Title: Only a Phone Call Away (part 2) Collaborator: riotwritesthings Link: Tumblr Square Filled: C4 - I Regret Nothing Ship: WinterIron Rating: Explicit Major Tags: teasing, phone sex, marathon sex, orgasm denial Summary: Tony is across the country for work, and then Bucky is across the world for a mission, but they always find a way to keep in touch. Even when Bucky would rather be without the distraction. (Now with chapter 2, featuring Bucky getting his Revenge) Word Count: 4799

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Title: Save Another Life (It Will Be Worth It) - Chapter 4: Turning Point Collaborator: rebelmeg Link: AO3 Square Filled: C4 – anger issues Ship: Bucky & Tony & Bruce Rating: Teen Major Tags: child abuse, recovery (physical and emotional), dad Bucky and kids Tony and Bruce, nightmares Summary: On the run again, James takes care of his boys while Bruce begins his recovery, constantly supported by Tony. Word Count: 12,831

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Title: N/A Collaborator: Trashcanakin [Zain] Link: Tumblr Square Filled: B1 - Baking Ship: Bucky & Kate Bishop Rating: Gen Major Tags: art Summary: [Fanart] Bucky and Kate baking a cake!

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Title: Pressure Rising Collaborator: darter_blue Link: AO3 Square Filled: C3 - free space Ship: Stucky Rating: Explicit Major Tags: explicit sexual content, light D/s, under-negotiated kink Summary: Waking up in a farmhouse, on an apple orchard, in the arms of a man who could bench press a minivan, with eyelashes like a disney princess and shoulders like a greek god is Bucky's fantasy turned reality. Except this is sort of a kidnapping. And his life might be falling apart in the real world. And Bucky might not give a shit, because Steve Rogers is like a drug, and Bucky just can't get enough. Also, it turns out, maybe Bucky is a drug for Steve too... Word Count: 7297

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Title: Save Another Life (It Will Be Worth It) - Chapter 5: Hugs Help Collaborator: rebelmeg Link: AO3 Square Filled: Y3 – abandonment issues Ship: Bucky & Tony & Bruce Rating: Teen Major Tags: past child abuse, recovery, hurt/comfort, all the hugs Summary: James eases some of Bruce's fears, the boys all catch a cold, and hugs help. Word Count: 15,462

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Title: B.B. Bear - Bucky’s Happiness Collaborator: shakespeareanqueer  Link: Tumblr Square Filled: Y5 - Happy Ship: Steve/Becca Barnes Rating: Teen, Mature later Major Tags: Mentions of Bucky’s past/brainwashing Summary: Steve visits Bucky in Wakanda and he is extremely happy. Why? Because someone very special is also there. Word Count: 3103

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Title: How do you poison a weapon? Collaborator: flintrage Link: AO3 Square Filled: B2 - Poison Ship: none Rating: Gen Major Tags: None other than the standard fare you'd expect from the Asset and the STRIKE team; being spoken to as if he isn't a person, etc. Pretty low-key though, this isn't an angsty fic really. Summary: Something is seriously wrong with the Asset. The STRIKE team low-key panics while they try to figure out what they should do about it. Word Count: 704

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Title: Into the Unknown (2/5) Collaborator: diner_drama Link: AO3 Square Filled: B4 - Royalty AU Ship: Stucky Rating: Teen Major Tags: Frozen AU Summary: Bucky's ceremonial waistcoat was itchy, and the crown was making the top of his head uncomfortably sweaty. The assembled dignitaries and ministers were watching him expectantly from around the conference table, waiting for him to open the meeting. He cleared his throat. "Good morning everyone," he started, as he had every week for his interminable tenure as ruler, trying to smile warmly and only somewhat succeeding. "Let's begin this week's business. How are my subjects?" Allowing himself to drift a little, he gazed out of the huge ornamental window, out across the great expanse of the sea, the azure waters lapping against the shore, the dark cerulean of the depths out towards the horizon. At the very edge of his hearing, a nearly imperceptible voice was audible, jolting him into awareness. Abruptly, he dropped his scepter. Word Count: 1310

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Title: Save Another Life (It Will Be Worth It) - Chapter 7: Wouldn't Change A Thing Collaborator: rebelmeg Link: AO3 Square Filled: K3 – gray hair Ship: Bucky & Tony & Bruce Rating: Teen Major Tags: fluff and good feels, sass and silliness Summary: The boys grow up, go to school, and turn into the men they were meant to be, with James right there with them. Word Count: 20,336

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Title: No Use Crying Over Spilt Milkshakes Collaborator: pherryt Link: AO3 Square Filled: U3- Soulmates Ship: Bucky/Clint/Steve Rating: Gen Major Tags: angst, soulmates, depression Summary: Clint's feeling abandoned and rudderless with the fall of SHIELD, the lack of Avenger calls, and the disappearances of both Steve and Nat, though he gets why they're both off doing their own things. His best friend could never sit idle and Steve, well, he's got bigger problems than Clint to deal with right now (*cough*Winter Soldier*cough*). It's okay. He'll deal. Somehow. Maybe. Word Count: 5553

[cuddlestae]

Things You Need to Know Before Choosing a Videographer

It’s not every day that you are tasked with planning the biggest party of your life and thank goodness for that. Suddenly, you’re now supposed to be a flower expert, a music guru, and a professional decorator, all while still going about your regular responsibilities.

There always seems to be one of the wedding must-haves that seems to slip through the cracks ’til the last minute, and often that thing is videography. We’ve complied a quick list of our top 5 tips when it comes to choosing the right wedding videographer in Melbourne.

It Is Worth It

As your wedding day gets closer and closer it seems that the budget gets tighter, and many couples start to ask themselves “is videography really something we want?”. In short it’s definitely a must.” It is said that a picture is worth a thousand words, and a video is literally thousands of pictures a minute! Trust us, when it comes to the video of you walking down the aisle, you don’t want to rely on your great uncle’s shaky cell phone video to capture that moment.

Professionalism Over Price

You can always find someone who will do it for cheaper but be wary of a price too low because it just may be too good to be true. Check their website, read reviews, and see what they say about themselves online. See if they’re a member of regional and local vendor sites like My Eastern Shore Wedding. If they don’t take pride in their web presence, they may not take pride in your wedding video.

Personality is Important

Once your big day finally arrives, the only person spending as much time with you as your photographer, will be your videographer. If you have a wedding planner (which we highly recommend) will be dealing with the BIG stuff, the DJ will be occupied with the party, and the flower and cake vendors generally drop off their beautiful creations and then dip out. From hair & make up until the sparkler send-off, the videographer will be by your side capturing every moment and memory. So, if you like their work and their personality, book them!

There are some bigger wedding video companies who do last minute hires and sends a videographer you’ve never met who isn’t invested in your wedding. Work to build a relationship with your videographer and it will pay off big time on your wedding day! The extra time you put into getting to know each other means you will be more relaxed and yourself around them, which means for a more natural and spectacular you in your wedding video.

Know the Terms

If your videographer is a professional, they will have a contract that you both sign so that everything is laid out about what you’re expecting, and what they’re delivering. When looking over the contract there will probably be some terms you don’t understand. Don’t be afraid to askafter all, this is a legally binding contract and it dictates what you want out of your videographer. Here are a few of the most common terms that our couples ask about during our contract drafting phase of booking.

· Deliverables: The finished videos you will be getting from your videographer

· B- Roll: The footage from your big day that will be the ‘filter’ of the big day.

· Raw Footage: The term used for all the un-edited and un-cut videos taken during your big day

· Documentary edits: Usually consists of full ceremony, entrances, speeches, dances and cake cutting

· Social media teaser: Usually a minute long that highlights main events, which is ready within 7 days of the wedding

Match Your Vision

There’s nothing worse than asking the videographer three months after the wedding if they got any slow-motion shots of your grandma doing the stankyleg and realizing your videographer doesn’t shoot in slow motion.Ask what video enhancement techniques they can use. If you want slow-motion shots of you twirling in your dress during your first dance, make sure they have a camera that can do that.

If you want interviews during cocktail with your guests about their wishes for the happy couple, make sure they have the right microphone! If your ceremony is in a candle lit cathedral, make sure they have external lighting. If you want them to edit it like a Hollywood movie, make sure they have the editing capabilities. Pick the videographer who has the right equipment for the job. Because after all, you’re planning one of the biggest days of your life, and your wedding video will help you to relive the magic for years to come.

Desiren is the wedding photographer you are looking for! They are expertise, experienced and professional videographers in the field of capturing true emotions and beautiful moments of the most important day of your life! Trust them, get your free Quote now! Call them at 0425 724 312, email at sales@desiren.com.au or pay them a visit at 667 Plenty Rd. Reservoir VIC 3073. A decision would be grateful for the rest of your life.

[nellie-elizabeth]

Modern Family: Can't Elope (10x20)

I thought this episode was just fine, although I could have wished for a bit more from such an important milestone!

Cons:

Mainly, I feel like this episode was a bit too crowded. It's fun when the whole gang gets together, but the consequence of having so many characters and plots interwoven is that we didn't get much time to focus on the emotional underpinnings of Haley and Dylan's wedding throughout. We got it at the end, sure, but I felt like there could have been more.

Some of the plot threads didn't really hit their mark in terms of comedy. It's somewhat amusing to see Jay get so invested in his dog bed company, but the setup of having him meet a canine Instagram influencer was a bit underutilized. They could have gone way bigger and more ridiculous with that setup.

Pros:

But like I said, it is nice to see all the gang in one room together. I also liked that the silly little subplots weren't taking up too much of their time, and they all connected to the bigger story of Haley's elopement getting out of hand. Mitchell and Cam want to go see a Broadway show based on Sophie's Choice, while Jay seeks to impress the owner of the dog influencer with his dog beds. Luke brings a random date to Haley's wedding, Phil and Mrs. Marshall (Dylan's mom) argue over who will officiate the wedding, Phil's father is attending via webcam and keeps knocking things over with his robot body... it's all chaos, and Modern Family does good with chaos.

The recurring bit about the Sophie's Choice musical was absolutely fantastic. I know it's a joke, but they really will make a musical out of anything these days, and a lot of the time they're oddly brilliant. I think my favorite part was Lily having a credit card and just calmly handing it over, saying that she "needed the miles," and then walking off. Cam and Mitchell don't bat an eye at any of this. It felt like a good way of hanging a lampshade on the fact that the show often seems to have trouble deciding what to do about Lily.

While I might have wanted more emotion throughout, I will admit that this episode still made me feel something for Dylan and Haley. Her proposal was adorable, and I kind of love the idea of Dylan proposing a bunch of times already, so it's not some big reveal or difficult conversation. They're in this thing for life, and marriage was just something they hadn't decided to do. And now they have, and they just want something simple and basic. Cue shenanigans once Claire finds out, obviously.

The final scene, where Haley wakes her parents up late at night, and they have a nighttime ceremony with Mrs. Marshall and Phil both officiating, while Haley and Dylan are surrounded by the Dunphys, was actually quite touching. It was the simple, uncomplicated ceremony that Haley wanted, with the love and care that Claire and Phil both wanted for her. I like that Haley, a girl who's always been very appearance-oriented and who has always put great significance on things like ritual and gendered behavior, doesn't want any of that for her wedding. It doesn't feel like it's out of character though. It feels like a real sign that Haley has grown and knows what's truly important to her.

So yeah! Dylan and Haley are married. This was a pretty smart way of going about it, combining the chaos of a big "event" episode with th e more gentle, low-key moment of actual marriage. The season is winding up quickly, and by this time next year, we'll be ready to say goodbye to this show forever!

8/10

[spockandawe]

Brainstorm and - I can't believe no one's asked - Soundwave?

HECK YEAH! I’m splitting this in two, because I know I’m going to be wordy, so first, Brainstorm!

First impression: I won’t lie, I’m a sucker for an eccentric scientist type. His early mtmte lines made him stand out in the flood of characters I was processing, and by the time he was saying ‘I’m too smart to die!’, I was in love

Impression now: OH MAN. I love him. I love him so much. I love the eccentric, brilliant scientist thing, and Iove how that’s just... who he is naturally. But then I adore how the story put so much focus on his internal world and emotions, which was the case, just done through less direct ways than him plainly communicating it. He broke! The rules of time!! Because he was in love!!!! And then the reason it all went to hell was that he felt so bad for his best friend and everyone else who was lost/lost loved ones in the war and decided to save everyone. And he wanted to save everyone as an MTO, where by derailing the war, he’d probably... not exist. And he’s such a natural goof, but in his trial, when he gets all serious and explains himself, when he’s processing how hurt Nautica is, everything that goes on in that issue, it breaks my goddamn heart. He’s got such fascinating depths, and the only reason I’ve written so little for him is because I get disproportionately nervous about doing justice to all the layers that go into who he is.

Favorite moment: Oh, this is hard. This is really hard. He’s a star in virtually every scene he’s in. A shout-out goes to the moment he’s staring down a gun barrel at baby megatron trying to psych himself up to personally killing someone. But I think... it does have to be the trial scene. He’s just made his big play that he’s worked towards for so long, it all fell apart, the trial may be about to yank his home out from under him. He jokes around, constantly, it’s what he does, but he’s so subdued here even when he does try to crack a joke. He’s serious without tempering it with silliness, he’s... low-energy isn’t exactly right. But he feels so tired. And he’s dealing with having failed to change the past, and having potentially poisoned his future. Chromedome is speaking on his behalf, but he’s seeing Nautica, one of his other best friends, deeply hurt and angry because of how he lied and what he did. The time travel stakes are nominally done, but the emotional stakes are so intense, and it’s maybe the most open look we get at his vulnerabilities. Issue 40 is amazing on all counts, but god. That trial.

Idea for a story: I’d really, really like to write a 10k-ish shippy thing starring Brainstorm and Nautica. It’s another situation where I know exactly what the dynamic would feel like, but I don’t know what the story is about. I really loved the dynamic Nautica had with him in canon, and I adore that she had her five-way marriage ceremony. I do wish each of those relationships had gotten more focus, and Brainstorm is one of my favorite faves, so I really wish I could have seen more of that. And post-canon, three of nautica’s five partners are... dead. I mean, nightbeat lives on in my heart and in any fic I write, because NO, but he does kind of poof. She lost her emotions about Skids, and forgot Rung, but not Nightbeat. And things are a bit strained with Velocity for a while, despite the emotion-selling, where I can see it feeling fragile for a bit. It would be interesting seeing someone as flippant as Brainstorm being there for her while she’s dealing with some serious, heavy emotions. I love that Nautica married all those people, but I’d kill for more fic exploring exactly the flavor of love between her and each of those partners.

Unpopular opinion: I’m... not very invested in simpatico :X And mainly, that’s a function of me being very invested in Brainstorm and not very invested in Perceptor, but I’ve gotten some nice recent insights into how his backstory informs his presence and inner world, so I’m beginning to catch that emotional hook. But the situation has been that when I look at perceptor in canon, he’s... fine? But Brainstorm deserves the world, and I’ve had a hard time seeing about how Perceptor will fill all of Brainstorm’s emotional needs in the way he needs.

Favorite relationship: Well, given what I said above, the easy answer is Nautica, but it’s a REAL tight race between her and Chromedome. I don’t know if I can choose XD I’ve talked before about how Brainstorm is hungry for approval and attention, and Nautica just... really sincerely enjoys being around him. And he’s smart enough to keep up with her and works on exciting advanced sciencey things that interest her. They click so well for being a pair where each just makes the other so happy. And I’m predisposed to think that two engineers together is the perfect ideal :P But Brainstorm and Chromedome, oh man. They’re pretty different personalities, but they’re so close and supportive even at each other’s lowest points, and the way they don’t ditch each other is really heartwarming, I think. Chromedome speaks on Brainstorm’s behalf at his trial, after he poisoned everyone, tried to kill the co-captain, and rewrite the whole past, and could have easily had a drift-type situation happen to him. And Brainstorm comes to Chromedome when Rewind is dead, trying to persuade him not to forget Rewind, which is something he’s done for multiple other husbands already, and he hasn’t ditched Chromedome or stopped trying even though he didn’t succeed those other times. It’s like... Nautica and Brainstorm is a high-energy foreground ‘I just like you so much’ situation, and Chromedome and Brainstorm is a low-energy, super-stable background ‘of course I’m sticking with you’, and I couldn’t choose one over the other

Favorite headcanon: Is ADHD Brainstorm a headcanon? I feel like that’s practically text and shouldn’t really count :P This is a tough one! He feels so complete to me on the page that I’ve never really felt the need to fill in details in my head. How about... in an intimate situation, he’s generally not going to be volunteering information about any serious, not-happy feelings. He’s going to be hella avoidant about that. But he does really want someone to realize that these feelings exist, corner him, and make him talk about it. 

[imgonnabeyourbubblegumwitch]

Caraval - A Review

Popsugar Reading Challenge 2019:  A book revolving around a puzzle or game

This book was recommended by a colleague at work. It could fill the "A book revolving around a puzzle or game" prompt for the Popsugar reading challenge (also mentioned by a colleague at work and I thought why not) and it was £0.99 on kindle. All round this seemed like a no-brainer.

Now I've finished this book I have absolutely no idea how I feel about it. I spent a really long time trying to figure out what rating I'd give it. In the end I've gone for a four and if you're wondering why I've gone for a four when beyond the spoiler break I'm going to offer a lot of negatives or at the very least neutrals, then yeah I'm wondering that too. I guess it's because I enjoyed reading it well enough and that it was just after I'd closed it that it deflated and fell flat like a bouncy castle at the end of a party.

Anyway spoilers ahead. Let's look at Caraval.

In looking at the reviews post-read a lot of people either a) had similar issues to me or b) compared it to the Night Circus (which I haven't read) and said this wasn't as good. I can see what this book was trying to go for, and from that can predict what the Night circus might be like. This book tried hard to be magical and whimsical and sometimes it succeeded but often it fell flat too. I think part of the reason it didn't always work were the descriptions which were often a little odd and sometimes odd enough to take me out of the story and wonder how on earth that was supposed to work.

An example from early on when Scarlett is describing her father's perfume: "It smelled like the colour of his gloves: anise and lavender and something akin to rotted plums." This description of his perfume comes up a lot later on. It's not the mix of scents I have a problem with: I can visualise (smell-ise?) that. But what colour are his gloves? They are originally described as "plum-coloured" which I can get behind. But anise I picture as those little brown stars and googling this I can confirm I was right on that (it's good to check) though the plant can have white or purple flowers. The purple is a mid-purple and I guess I'd describe it as a warm lavender. Meanwhile you have lavender (cool, blue toned) and plum (warm, reddish). Now I have googled all these colours I have seen some cooler toned plums (I don't know if this is a country difference thing but I'd literally entirely forgotten cool toned plums existed). This could more closely match the lavender colour, but this is irrelevant to the point I'm about to make. Bear with me.

Why am I making such a big deal about all of this? In the beginning it was only a tiny nit-pick to me, a moment of my brain trying to match up brown stars with cool, blue lavender and warm, reddish plum. But as I read on, I found this book makes a big deal out of colour. The main character, Scarlett,  attaches colours to emotions. For example "Scarlett had an emerald-green premonition" and (when she's feeling a lot of emotions) "Bold colours swirled inside her". Furthermore, she spends a large portion of the book in a magic dress that changes colour (and style) depending on her emotions. Later on she can see colours which match up to her love interest's emotions.

So when the gloves are described in a way that doesn't make sense to me until I got onto google, this did begin to bother me. Colour is so important to this world and I wasn't sure how I was supposed to be envisioning her father's gloves. Her father is a key character, abusive and controlling. Not only that but  the gloves seemed to have importance too: he takes off his gloves to hit her sister, and Scarlett even comments "But at least he still had the gloves on." when he first enters on the scene, further drawing attention to them. They cover his abusive side - others do seem to see him as a respectable citizen - and so really do serve as an important bit of symbolism. I took the description of rotting plums and, as I always envision plum as a rich, reddish purple, I latched onto this and thought of them in the end as an almost bloody purple, but a rusty blood (tying in those brown stars). I'm now thinking I was supposed to picture a cooler colour, possibly even lighter too.

(Though to make things more confusing we later get "Her cheek was now almost the colour of her father's wretched gloves." which would bring me back around to the reddish, blood like colour as she's blushing at this point so I don't know any more to be honest. I'll stop taking about these gloves and move on to the actual point now…)

I am someone who unconsciously attaches colour to many things: days, months, years, subjects at school, characters I read, characters I write. I also have very clear emotions attached to certain colours and vice versa. Scarlett's colour emotions didn't always match with mine and that was kind of distracting. I guess on the whole this incredibly long point is still a minor nit-pick because, if you don't attach colours to things in the same way, it presumably wouldn't bother you. But it bothered me and this is my review so I thought I'd put it out there.

Picking back up on the magical, colour changing, style shifting dress, clothing is my second nit-pick: the clothes. Seriously the clothes. They are described in such detail. It's mainly something that we get for Scarlett, and  maybe this is because the dress was mirroring her emotions. But even other dresses Scarlett wears are described in detail which I didn't much care about and forgot almost instantly.

At one point the dress description sets up something that never really comes completely into fruition and this only serves as a reminder that the plot could have been cleverer. A dress near the end is described as unexpectedly like a wedding dress. So the whole premise of this book is that Scarlett is playing the game and searching for the clues (something else I'm going to talk about because my goodness those clues). Anyway the fifth clue is "a leap of faith"(I think anyway because this book is not set up to be an eBook and so the letters the clues are in are tiny and almost impossible to read). Now for the entire book Scarlett has been thinking about and talking about her arranged marriage to someone she has never met. She was for this at the beginning as a way of escaping her abusive father, but as the book went on she began to fall for Love Interest Julian.

So I thought this leap of faith my involve stepping away from her future of an arranged marriage decided by her father and choosing what she wants. Maybe it wouldn't be an actual marriage to Julian but perhaps she'd pledge herself to him in some meaningful way, similar to the wedding ceremony. This thought was strengthened when they decided they needed to go to a hat shop (imagery of men getting married in top hats) and I thought we may get a payoff for the Julian is Scarlett's fiancé ruse that had been running since the two got to Caraval. Perhaps they'd need in some way to act out or dress for their "upcoming wedding" and this would illicit a confession from Scarlett as she took "a leap of faith" and allowed herself to choose her own destiny. This echoed a point made earlier in the book by a fortune teller who said the future was hard to change because people were predictable.

Then they get to the hat shop and her real fiancé was there. And I began to wonder if perhaps she would break off the engagement with him and so the wedding dress was ironic. And I guess it sort of happened that way? Sort of? Scarlett's father shows up and Scarlett and Julian briefly escape but this is completely pointless because Scarlett's father and fiancé show up anyway. Scarlett's father injuries Julian, and to save him Scarlett agrees to go with her fiancé to consummate their non-existent marriage. But then Scarlett breaks away from him using some plot device she got earlier which meant he couldn't hurt her for two hours. It felt a little flat compared to what I'd imagined with needless scenes of escaping when they are caught up to anyway and stakes I didn't believe or wasn't invested in. This is symbolic of the rest of the game and the rest of the book.

I'll admit part of the problem here might be that, searching amazon for books, I came across the sequel but not realising it was the sequel read the blurb thus learning Scarlett's sister, Donatella is found. Therefore Scarlett's entire motivation, to find her sister and save her, became an inevitability. Even so I think the stakes would have felt low. There's a part in the book where Julian and Scarlett are racing to get into their hotel room because they have to be in before dawn. We don't know why. There is reasonable tension build up with lights going out as they run. Scarlett makes in in because  Julian pushes her in, which prompts Scarlett to bargain with the proprietor to get Julian in as well. It's a moment of triumph for the rule-abiding Scarlett and they can now both play the game.

But I wasn't clear on why they couldn't be out during the day. (We later find out the magic isn't there or is weaker in the day and presumably that's why everyone has to be inside. But what about the people watching? Does the same go for them?) And okay there was the issue of maybe Julian not being able to play the game, but we don't know why he wants to play the game so even that didn't feel really dramatic. Julian has bent the rules and been charmingly persuasive to get what he wants, even Scarlett has just bent the rules to get Julian in. I'd have liked some more stakes, something outside in the day that makes it even more imperative they get inside. Maybe there is clean up during the day, but the clean-up is done by monstrous creatures or robots who don't know the difference between rubbish and human beings. Okay that was a semi-stupid example but you get the idea. Something.

This was the same for the whole game. Scarlett follows the clues, but aside from when the other players take everything from Donatella's room at the very beginning of the game, we don't really get a sense of any competition. The clues seemed to be only for Scarlett (and maybe this was deliberate given the ending reveal Donatella was behind everything) but since she wasn't really going against any real competitors who could offer a real threat that Scarlett may not make it, this lessened the tension. Time was frequently mentioned to be different, quicker, slipping away, Scarlett often said they must hurry but I didn't feel any urgency. She had an arbitrary time limit in which to find her sister in but she was bumbling along nicely, we had no clue why she shouldn’t be out in the day and no one else was a threat so it didn't seem to matter that she was always in a hurry. It would have been nice to have other players trying to interfere a little more with what Scarlett was doing, have them getting to clues first or anything at all to make it feel more like a competition.

The clues themselves made little sense, even given that were probably designed so only Scarlett would get to Donatella. Scarlett would suddenly say she'd solved another clue, or found the next one and I was confused because how could that be the answer? Everything seemed to happen by happenstance: Scarlett (sometimes accompanied by Julian or other people she met) would wander around, bump into something or someone, occasionally run away from (or after) something or someone, and then somehow get a clue. Maybe this is just me being a mystery lover but I'd have liked it if the clues were a more logical progression and could be solved by the reader. Instead you have no chance because everything was a series of random curveballs being thrown at you.

Sometimes things went somewhere. Sometimes they didn't. I'm still not clear if the buttons were important or not for example. It was frequently said that people wouldn't be who they said they were, that you shouldn't get caught up in the game. I would have liked more to be made of this, perhaps people could change during the game, becoming distant and different and Scarlett could wonder if the game was changing them, or was it changing her? Were they even the same people or had they gone to be replaced by actors? What was real? What wasn't? I love the idea of someone questioning what is going on around them, who is a player, who is a pawn. The book didn’t make enough of this for me.

Related to above, I'd predicted Julian was Legend from his first appearance in the book and,  if the reveal he wasn't had come later on, I would have been thrilled to be tricked and have my expectations subverted. As it was I was just a bit like oh, and after Julian swore he wasn't Legend I just amended this to well he's probably a family member or something. He was. The book wanted to trick me into thinking he was Legend but was too heavy handed and didn't trust that I'd pick up on the subtleties that said he might be. Or maybe it didn't even mean to hint this and the reveal he was Legend was supposed to be a huge shock. Either way I feel like this heavy handedness, like the point above, detracted from what could have been a nice slow, creepy mystery and a series of hints that maybe Julian wasn't all he seemed. Was he Legend? Wasn't he Legend?

To sum up, this book reminded me of Steven Moffat's run of Doctor Who (or at least the parts of it I watched before I got totally fed up). There was lots of attempts at a certain style, lots of loud flashy things and an attempt at mystery but because you couldn't solve anything yourself since the mystery relied on random things or events you couldn't possibly predict and it started all just feel like nothing.  But, unlike Moffat's run of Doctor Who, for the most part the book pulled me through and I did enjoy the experience which is why, contrary to all my complaints and issues, I give this book such a lenient rating. I do think I'll read it again, purely because I liked that Donatella was behind everything, and I'm interested to see if this makes things make more sense. I feel like it will and it won't and the book won't be any more satisfying and after that I won't read it again. I'm certainly not tempted to pick up the sequel.

Nonetheless Caraval: 4/5

[alfredtangphoto]

Bay Area Engagement Session - Pleasanton, California // Chloe & Katie Connection Session

Prior to moving to Oregon, I was a manager at Starbucks Coffee Company. Throughout my tenure there (almost 10 years!) I made many GREAT friends with customers and employees alike. It was truly one of the best years of my life as I enjoyed my job and the culture surrounding the company. One of the best things about my role was building a great store team. Learning to hire the right people for the job and sustaining a low employee turnover rate WHILE being one of the best stores in the district was absolutely fulfilling.

One of my favorite employee was Chloe. A person who was always had a charming smile and doing her best to lift up other people’s spirits. Even on her worst days, she would hide her own emotions and step up to the plate for others. Always willing to learn and grow, not only as an employee, but as a person as well. Through the years, I’ve had the privilege to witness this kind, yet fiery (trust me on this one!) - soul pour her heart into everything she did and anyone she invested herself to. As I always say throughout my journey of telling love stories - love doesn’t come easy. We often show all great times and hide the heartaches. These heartaches and obstacles are part of the process in growing as an individual and as a couple. Hence the saying: “They helped me become a better person” or “my better half”.

When it came time for Chloe to reach out to me about documenting the new chapter in her love life, to say I was ecstatic is absolutely insufficient. I WAS EUPHORIC! Chloe had found the love of her life!!! And once I heard about who Katie is, it absolutely made sense she was the one for Chloe. Katie is compassionate, unselfish yet hard-headed and apathetic. But one fateful evening at a salon, Katie put her heart out there for Chloe. It was the first time they met, but I bet there was something about Chloe’s smile and stunning look that brought Katie out of her shell. After hitting it off on the dance floor, the two ended up talking through the night with Chloe not getting any sleep before her morning shift. #anything4love

Fast forward 4 years, Chloe & Katie enjoying spending their time relaxing at home with their 3, maybe 4 doggos? I can't keep up with their fur kids, but I do know they want to add more!!! While their dogs was not able to make it to the engagement shoot on Katie’s family private property, my crazy gal, Halo was lucky enough to roam the property (and chase the goats 😭). She makes an appearance in one of the images below 🤗

Thank you Katie & Chloe for the honor of photographing your intimate connection in such a stunning setting! See you in a month!!!!

Can’t wait to see Chloe & Katie next month for their intimate San Francisco City Hall wedding ceremony. Then to follow it up with a wedding reception with the best of friends!!!

Love what you see here? Interested in working together on your Bay Area engagement or wedding day? Click the link below to get in touch with me!

[writtenbyalex-nicole]

My Hair, My Identity

by Alex-Nicole Edwards 

     When I was in kindergarten, I asked my mom for a relaxer. At the time, I didn’t really know what I was asking for. I just wanted my hair to be straight like the white girl at my school. No one else in our class had hair like that, and she got a lot of attention because of it. I thought that if I had her hair, I’d get that type of attention too.

    I didn’t understand why when my mom said no. She had a relaxer, why couldn’t I? The only reason she gave me was “because I said so,” and that was the end of the conversation. So, I continued to have my hair pulled and parted into acceptable hairstyles for a six-year-old black girl.

    That was the routine for another five years. Every week, my mom would wash my hair over the edge of the bathtub and my neck would get stiff from being still for so long. She would blow-dry my hair before any of the water could evaporate on its own. She would comb out the tangles, which snagged with each pass of the comb and reappeared as soon as they were taken out. I would spend hours on the floor in front of her feet, having my hair cornrowed and plaited and twisted. I had never seen what shape or pattern my hair would take if it was left to dry by itself. But I had never wondered about it either.

    I had also never wondered about the other girls in my grade school classes with box braids, or twists, or hair like mine. I was only interested in the girls with hair that was relaxed, or hot combed, or flat ironed. There weren’t many of them. And to me that gave them a sense of authority. They were mature enough to have straight hair. They were unique because they had hair most girls our age didn’t have. They had something that I wanted.

    At the end of fifth grade, I finally got it. The week before our graduation ceremony, my mom took me to a hair salon for the first time. They washed and dried my hair like she did, but this time they straightened it too. They pressed my hair between hot metal plates that made it silky and smooth. I loved it, and so did the other kids at school. All week, I got compliments on how pretty my hair was. I hadn’t felt ugly before then, but now it seemed like I should have. I was never very popular, but now people who had never really talked to me before wanted to touch my hair. People I didn’t think even liked me wanted to tell me that my hair looked nice.

    The weekly routine of sitting between my mom’s legs while she braided my hair became me sitting between her legs while she hot combed my hair. After a while, the hot comb became a flat iron. After a year, when I started sixth grade, my mom doing my hair for me became me doing my hair for myself. I would straighten it nearly every day to make sure it didn’t have a chance to get frizzy. If it did, I’d hide it under a hat or in a bun so no one could see it. For the next three years of middle school that was my new routine. During that time, I was constantly validated by my friends and classmates for having long, straight hair. Even though straight hair was more common now among my pre-teen peers, I was singled out for having “good hair.” It was the way I was identified by my classmates, and it became the way I identified myself.

    But those three years showed in the health of my hair. By the time I got to ninth grade, it was heat damaged and lifeless. I had never used a heat protectant since I had started doing my hair for myself. During my four years of high school my ends started splitting and breaking off, inch by inch. But as long as it was straight, I was happy with it. I had never wondered what my natural hair looked like when I was younger, but now I avoided seeing it at all costs. Looking at myself in the mirror after washing and blow-drying my hair felt like looking at another person. The frizzy, puffy thing on my head wasn’t supposed to be there. I spent hours getting my hair perfectly straight, and I wished it could just stay that way forever. I hated the way my hair looked before I transformed it. It was worth the two-hour process of washing, detangling, blow-drying, and straightening my hair to make it look the way I wanted it to.

    After a while that process didn’t seem worth it anymore. I was a low-maintenance person by nature. I was always sort of a tomboy, and never put that much energy into getting ready otherwise. My obsession with my hair didn’t fit my personality. I didn’t want to have to spend hours fixing it just to go outside. I didn’t want to have to care what people thought about it.  

    The first time I went to school with my hair natural, I was sixteen years old. I was in tenth grade and I wanted to experiment with different styles. I had an image in my mind of how I wanted it to look. Loose, uniform curls flowing down my back. But the reality didn’t live up to my expectations. Years of straightening my hair had altered its curl pattern. Strands would start out in tight spirals but would taper off into limp waves. My roots clumped together and were frizzy and more tangled than ever before. I tried a bunch of different methods to get my curls into the shape I wanted them to be. Braid-outs, styling mousse, extra strength hair gel; they never made me into the picture I had in my head.

    Although I was developing a new relationship with my hair, it was influenced by the decade I had spent hating it. I wasn’t embracing my natural hair. I was, once again, trying to turn it into something it wasn’t. Except now I was trying to transform it into perfect curls instead of perfect straight lines. After I got tired of it not conforming to my wishes, I picked up the flat iron again. While taking a break from it had allowed my hair to grow and regain some strength, I had always held onto some excitement about how nice it would look when I straightened it again.

    It wasn’t until after I graduated high school that I started to accept my hair for what it was. I was eighteen now. I would be going to college soon and developing a new identity. Why couldn’t my hair do the same? My new classmates wouldn’t know what I had looked like before. I didn’t have any expectations to meet. So, I started to gradually wean myself off of my flat iron. I’d run errands outside with my natural hair. I’d hang out with my friends. And eventually, I started going to class with it. It slowly started to feel like my new normal. When I looked at myself in the mirror, I didn’t see something that needed to be fixed. I saw myself.

    I was surprised when I started getting compliments on my natural hair. That was something I had never gotten until I had started straightening it, but now it seemed like both me and others were starting to embrace it. Complete strangers would come up to me to tell me that they liked my hair. Women, with weaves and relaxers, would tell me that they wished they could do that too. Other women, with natural hair, would ask me what products I used for it. Wearing my hair natural wasn’t just a personal choice anymore, it was a statement. I was a part of a community now. Online, there were videos, discussions, and whole websites dedicated to natural hair. I found out about women who had journeys just like my own. We had experienced the same things and felt the same emotions despite never even meeting each other.

    I started to invest more into my hair. Now, I wasn’t just taking care of it so that it would look nice when it was straightened. I was taking care of it because I liked how it looked already. My hair had gotten healthier and my natural curl pattern had started to bounce back. I found that I preferred the tight, spirally curls at the back of my head. I preferred the loose, wavy curls at the front. I preferred having messy, non-uniform hair. I preferred being able to look in the mirror and be comfortable with what I saw. Loving my hair was my new identity.

    Now, my flat iron sits on the shelf in my closet, next to the hot comb, waiting in vain to be picked up again.