#but on the positives I think ive had a lot of personal and emotional growth this year that im really proud of!!

[muselexum]

<3

[basofy]

ive been told all sorts of things by people to get me to not care about this scene, from 'it's a joke, laugh!' to 'we should just forget about it if you talk about it youre weird' and im honestly not willing to take it, this hasnt been a problem on tumblr just wanted to vent, but it surprises me how mean this fandom can be to people who relate to the issues in the game. all ive been told from either of these points of view has been hostility, it all just becomes 'shut up about how you feel, i dont want to hear it' and idk but thats a weird position to have as someone who likes a game that asks you to care about harsh topics. im just posting this to say i will keep talking about this scene as much as my soul wants me to, because i relate, it all comes from the heart and not from fetish, an ocassional joke might happen but i have my limits too, i also dont think a joke erases how much i care. if i overstep pls educate me on why, but please dont tell me to just shut up about it, austin dropped this thing out of the blue with zero elaboration and left it all to the players, it's everybody's choice to care or not and i personally choose to do so.

im an adult who has not had a normal childhood, teenagehood or even adulthood, im still processing a lot of stuff, if you dont want to see the process of my growth youre free to leave but pls just let me exist. i cant even get proper professional help so thats why i use dumb pixelated people from a videogame to process my troubles, and making art that comes from my experience and people ignoring everything in it and telling me i probably just fap to it genuinely hurts. im talking from experience here, man. my problems arent fap material, not to me. everything i make about the harsh stuff in lisa (everything, not just this scene) comes from my feelings. it's legitimately cruel to just have the stance that every art that reminds you of bad things is made with dick in hand. i care about this campfire scene, i care about lisa, brad, buddy. so many of the emotional aspects of lisa stuck deep with me and i just want to express myself, that is all.

im also very thankful to my friends who saw me lose my shit over this thing the day i watched it and have kept up with me and watched me process it, and the friends ive made who try to see what im trying to show with my art.

-

sidenote i think its fine to not be okay with this thing existing it hasnt even been a year, but i wholeheartedly think people should try to give it a chance and not see it as an attack from austin, regardless of what the intention behind it could possibly be. there's stuff thats in the game that supports it and stuff that feels worth pointing out, dont be so scared of things that want you to feel.

[system-of-a-feather]

Before I go to the gym I did want to ramble a bit on this since I usually talk about it in a very "haha ego" tone, but honestly, having very intense and strong violent fantasies and urges and a trauma-centered/functioned thirst, joy, and high in violence in a world where that isn't good or okay and there are Laws because it is a Society honestly is really annoying and sucks.

Like its easy to paint those as "owo evil psychopath" and its easy (I guess) with the radical valid uwu-ness fo the internet to write that off "uwu poor violent meow wow" but imo neither of them really are right.

Cause I'm not so stuck in my trauma that I don't realize that the world I was made for is an outlier and not representative of what it really is; and I'm not so stuck that I don't realize that following that trauma-driven need and high is only going to get me in places that my trauma would have wanted me to be in. I'm not gonna do it because I know that is "what my trauma would have wanted" and because its not going to help me; but I'm also not this innocent bun for having this either nor am I bluffing how intensely I want to go run off on them sometimes.

It sucks that something I have formed such an intense joy and positive emotional relationship to - something that brings me such fun an excitement from my childhood - is something that is both illegal, self destructive and forbidden. It's not needed anymore so the very thing I was formed to do and favorite joy in life is Not Allowed Anymore because it would be harmful to our life.

Violence, life-death crisis, and coming out on top of all of those is a childhood high of mine - arguably the majority of what I as a part remember growing up with. It's a huge part of my identity and an original large part of what brought me joy "in my childhood" and to be a functioning human out of a trauma environment and to do the best by my system and myself I've had to agree to swear off and leave all the plans I had growing up as "fantasies and ideation" and while I am MORE than willing and glad to sign up on it - that doesn't remove how much it sucks to throw a lot of the shit that brought you joy and excitement growing up and stuff that has become such a large part of your identity and life aside and start from scratch.

I'm already throwing away like 20 years of identity shaping life experiences aside to learn to live a better life for myself and my parts. I'm already exhibiting such restraint and mature growth and honestly thats why its a large reason about why I am so loudly honest about those fantasies and feelings.

If I am not allowed to act on it and I have to forfeit what was my childhood happiness and joy - then the very least I should be allowed to do is be honest and free to talk about them.

If anyone wants to tell me that I can't say that shit or I have to hide it or whatever, they are officially asking too much from me and I think they're overstepping boundaries because I am ALREADY doing a lot to be an acceptable human being and to recover. If someone wants me to still do that and hide and pretend to be better than I am, then I often just feel like I should jsut throw out ALL that Ive been giving up and just go have fun cause people will keep asking for more than I naturally can provide. Of course, even when I feel like that, I still can't and won't cause I owe it to my system more than I owe it to myself and more than I find myself annoyed and pissed with the boundary being crossed - and instead I tend to just block and remove said person from my life but ya know.

Like yes I am intensely loud about this and it might look like Im overplaying it because no one who actually thinks and has those would be so loud and obvious about it - but thats the whole point. I'm saying it to cope with the fact I won't do it. It's an alternative.

But anyways, I digress.

Evil Alter Rights matter too, man. Evil Alter Rights matter too. /mostly joking

-XIV

[aplpaca]

why is having your ocs be your special interest unfortunate? please tell us about them!! (curious, friendly tone)

It's unfortunate bc theres not content for them that exist without my own effort 😔(outside of a couple friends) so i cant reblog posts about them like i would for like critical role or something. ive got a variety of "main character" ocs and most of them started out as ttrpg characters that then got their own non-rpg "canon" in a story universe im making with some friends that may or may not end up turning into a series of books. (overarching "plot" of it is that the birth of a new deity ends up connecting people and politics of several planets in different universes)

so like my "main" characters for that are vyma, claysen, and yianni. vyma also has an equally canon ttrpg incarnation for a game thats still ongoing, but claysen and yianni started out as ttrpg characters but now their "canon" is just their storyverse incarnations. i put actual character descriptions under the cut

ima talk about vyma's storyverse incarnation for this, since theres Spoilers for her ttrpg canon that players who follow me dont know yet (but like, the core personality is the same between the two so yeah). but anyway, her full name in storyverse is Vyma Bapp-Matieyepa sip-Sabapak, which is kinda long bc cultural naming conventions include familial last name, chosen/official clan affiliation, and familal-but-not-official clan affiliation (if someone has that). She's one of the unofficial leaders of a revolutionary/resistance group (other leader is one of @cosmemery's characters Naki) that funnels political prisoners to freedom and tries to counteract the imperialism of the country that subjugated theirs and the harm from their own gov that tries to meet the imperialists in the middle. Vyma is pretty tall, pretty butch, and pretty ace. She's got lowkey disabling hyperempathy, but this gets paired with an autistic flat affect that makes her come across unintentionally blunt, monotone, and insensitive at times. she's kinda overcompensated for social issues by using her hyperempathy and just general problem solving to get really fucking good at reading people/figuring out how people are feeling. this unfortunately does not make her any more conversationally adept, and in some cases makes her kinda preachy instead. her flight response (like the trauma response, not just the general fight or flight) is through the fucking roof and she would and prob will grind herself into dust in an attempt to make what she considers a positive impact. she's chronically sleep deprived and refuses to talk about her feelings in a way thats not dodging the question. she likes to bake, but hasnt been able to in a while.

Claysen Hishari (birthname Jarren Claysen Vidravalsh) is like lowkey highkey kinda of A Lot in terms of stuff he's got going on. id like to think i do a decent job not being Edgy (TM) with him but like,,yeah. He's a formal noble who escaped his shitty dad after his mom died and ended up being blackmailed into becoming a spy/assassin. He also technically has emotion/identity-influenced magical power equivalent to at least a minor god, but hes repressing that and its only almost killed him once. His appearance is altered via illusion magic almost constantly. He's more visibly autistic and uses a trade sign language to talk fairly frequently. When he's not signing, he has a very specific speech pattern, and often pauses in the middle of sentences while he figures out how to make words work. At the start of the story, he basically hasn't had goals or ambitions or strong personal convictions for A While, and a lot of his growth is Growing A Fucking Spine and Learning To Act On Things. A lot of his other growth is self acceptance stuff (both autism and the whole emotionally volatile magic thing bc por que no los dos). He has a pretty fuckin codependant relationship with @cosmemery's character Kay, and even before they actually become romantic, theyre platonically flirty with each other to a kinda obnoxious degree. hes bi, super reserved but has a certain air of competence/force of presence to him despite that, and has a special interest in spiders and bugs in general

And apparently tumblr has a word limit for asks or somthing bc it wont let me add my last characters paragraph onto this so im gonna just reblog it with yianni's stuff in a sec

[sapphos-darlings]

do you have any advice for getting over the need for male validation? im a lesbian but ive found myself seeking it out and its making me doubt myself alot

Hello, Anon!

You bring us a big topic! Unfortunately being a lesbian only protects us so far, since in the end all women are raised in a patriarchal society which inevitably influences our values and psyche. Goes to show that we are all in the same boat in the end, so solidarity between women is priceless.

Now, the upside is I think for a large part the road to growth with this is the same as with anyone who wants to be more self-reliant and less of a people-pleaser. Of course understanding that you are a woman and a lesbian provide important information about why you feel the way you do and where those patterns have come from, and also guide you forward, but you shouldn't be looking into too specific advice or resources either. For example, you may not have one specific trauma that's the root of this, just growing up as a woman and a lesbian, so don't think you don't deserve to be taken seriously, and you being a lesbian is something to be valued and protected and not traded for worthless male approval points.

Remember first and foremost that confidence and self-esteem are learned. They are skills that you can train and build for yourself, and like with any skill training might be hard, uncomfortable, and there will be setbacks, but it's all a part of a longer journey where improvement is inevitable.

Basically, untangle the whats and whys of the challenge, then figure out the hows and whys of your change and go for it.

Map out the reasons why. Do it with a journal or a group of trusted friends or a women's group. Why are you behaving like you do, where do these feelings come from and what need do they serve? What are you looking for? Then map out the reasons why you want to change. Why do you want to be more self-reliant, what do you (and people dear to you!) get if you become less reliant on male approval? How would your life change?

Then you need a plan. Don't go overboard, either with things to do or expectations on yourself or the time it takes. Every step taken is a step forward, no matter how small, and improving mentally can be tougher than anticipated.

Maybe you want to start learning what are the situations that make you crave male validation the most. What makes you uncertain? Why? Being aware in those situations and holding yourself back is a worthy goal.

Confident people tolerate discomfort and place the responsibility where it belongs. Not feeling uncertain doesn't have to be the goal, but tolerating that and remaining calm in the face of it. Realize that your approval-seeking isn't based on reason like asking for someone more experienced for advice, but on an emotional craving. Stay on task, sit with your discomfort and let other people be responsible for their own thoughts and feelings.

Train yourself to do positive self-talk. Soothe yourself, reassure yourself, trust yourself, reason with yourself. You are the person you want the approval of, you are in control of your choices, and you need to work with yourself. Improving your relationship with yourself will ribble across all your life and affect everything for the better.

Take the male off the pedestal. What the hell is he doing there and how did he get there? What merits does he stand on? What use is he? Who even brought that pedestal for him to stand on? Nah, let's get rid of that whole thing, it's all mirrors and smoke, idolization and cultural biases.

Lean on your female friends! You are not alone. Even the most confident and powerful woman is just a person who's had moments of uncertainity. There are women and girls who look up to you too, I'm sure. There is a lot to be gained from friendship among women, where we rely on each other and build trust. Never underestimate the power of just having fun and letting loose every once in a while.

I really recommend journaling. It helps you keep track of your goals and progress as well as gives you a private outlet. It's also good to sometimes look back at your weaker moments or times you've failed and see the feelings from then with a calmer mindset.

I wish strength and success on your journey to you!

-Lavender

[andvys]

Okay i have some thoughts on the chapter/story and some of the feedback ive seen you get on it.

Eddie (my beloved so ill be honest im bias) - i think he really only became a dick to cheer after he found out about the kiss and let the jealousy eat st him. Prior to that, he was more confused and lets be real the last party cheer went to without him was the night of ray so i think he has a right to be concerned if he doesnt hear from her when she gets back and is ignoring his calls. Again the moment he switches to dickmode is not right but homeboy had pushed his feelings down for so long that now that hes feeling them, theyre going to be explosive whether positive or negative events regarding him and cheer happen. I dont think its concerning that r will or has forgiven him.

Steve - i hated him in the beginning because of how rude and dismissive he was to cheer. But throughout the story especially the later parts he has really changed. I dont think all is forgiven but i think it’s reasonable that him and cheer are treading this friendship line. Also the end where steve knew it would hurt his own feelings by telling eddie that she rejected him shows growth and that he isnt trying to manipulate cheer back into his life.

This is one of those stories where imo at this point no guy is the bad guy. Yes we have our favorites and choices but end of the day theyre normal young adults with hormones. And cheer isnt awful for not realizing her feelings for eddie or trying to be friends with steve. Hell she isnt awful for not realizing her own bff chrissy was secretly in love with her. Cheer is oblivious to people being in love with her- that doesnt make her a bad person lol.

Sorry for the rant but its silly to me that people are turning on eddie and steve left and right when the story isnt finished 😭

Also kudos to you for taking all feedback and being such a good sport. And I appreciate how honest youve been with us on how this story is going.

Yes!!! Eddie only started acting like that after he found out about the kiss with Steve. His jealousy and the pain guided him at that point. He went through a few different emotions that day and I don’t blame him at all for acting the way that he did — like you said, his feelings are going to be explosive. He does his best to control his feelings but he’s also just human, he can’t be perfect all the time

Steve is amazing, he’s doing his best to change and to become a better person. He could’ve easily ruined things for Eddie and cheer by angering him even more and being there for her but he didn’t because he genuinely wants to make it up to her, not just because he wants a chance with her again but because he wants to make up for the things that happened in the past.

Cheer would’ve noticed Chrissy’s feeling if she wasn’t so focused on her own pain :(

And I agree, they’re all young, they’re all still learning and growing (I mean we never stop growing do we?) none of them are perfect, no one can be perfect and that’s okay. And you’re right! the story isn’t finished yet there’s a lot more to tell 😌

thank you for being so kind and understanding 🫶🏻

[traumasurvivorshelpingsurvivors]

tw: derealization/dissociation, suicide

mostly venting, but also looking for advice

the past few months have been really hard for me. i realized my favorite person was abusive and toxic and lost him and all but one of our friends, then got very suddenly got into a relationship with my remaining friend. while i was in that relationship for two months, my mental health kind of crashed really horribly and i had a lot of episodes of derealization and suicidal thoughts. i guess that was too much for my partner to handle though, because we broke up and she called me toxic for only reaching out to her when i was in crisis. which, idk what to think about that really, because i kinda get where she was coming from but she was also the only person i had.

and now i have no one but my brother, but its different with him because we dont really get vulnerable around each other and im older than him so i feel like i cant break down around him.

ive felt so incredibly lonely. i have no friends and im haunted by the feeling that its all my fault. that i ruined it and lost all my friends because im selfish. i feel so guilty.

along with that, ive been not really feeling like myself and hating who i am. i want to be a different person. i want to start over. i want to start over so badly and not even to just fix what i fucked up i just want to have a completely different life.

and i know its really bad and fucked up but i wish there was more wrong with me. i wish something bad would happen to me. i want a reason to give up and scream and sob. sometimes i even wish my dissociation was worse so at least i could escape or live in my own head or wherever the fuck just so i dont have to live my stupid life.

and i know its even worse but i think most of all i want something wrong with me so people will help me and give me the attention i want. and i know im selfish but i just want someone to be able to take care of me. i dont want to work anymore im already so tired. i just want to do nothing all day i want to lay down i want to sleep.

Hi anon,

I'm really sorry to hear about the difficult time you've been going through. It sounds like you've experienced multiple losses and have been struggling with your mental health, feelings of loneliness, and a desire for a fresh start.

It's understandable that you feel lonely after losing your favorite person and friends. It's important to remember that relationships can be complicated, and sometimes people may not have the capacity to support us in the way we need. It's not necessarily your fault that these relationships didn't work out, and it doesn't make you a bad person. Loneliness can be incredibly challenging, but there are steps you can take to help build new connections and find support.

When it comes to wanting to be a different person or have a different life, it's natural to feel that way during difficult times. However, it's important to remember that personal growth and change can happen without completely starting over. Exploring new interests, setting small achievable goals, and focusing on self-care can all contribute to a sense of renewal and positive change.

It's also important to address the thoughts you mentioned about wishing something bad would happen to you or wanting attention from others. These thoughts can be a sign that you're in need of some additional support and care. If you can access or afford it, a mental health professional such as a therapist can help you explore your emotions, process your experiences, and develop healthy coping strategies.

Please know that you're not alone, and there are people who care about your well-being. While it may feel tough right now, with time, support, and self-care, it's possible to find healing, create meaningful connections, and discover new possibilities in life. Remember to take things one step at a time and be gentle with yourself.

I hope I could help, and please let us know if you need anything.

-Bun

[mossible]

Hellooo I have come from AO3 to say Many Things!!! About Cracked Snowglobes!!

But now i'm unsure where to even begin with the gushing because chapter 4 has left me CLIMBING the walls, hanging upside down from my ceiling, HOWLING because good cod !!!!! Intense argument after intense emotional moment after brief humorous, hopeful breath of air, thEN MORE INTENSE CONFLICT--

I was positively SHAKING in bed when i read it last night, it left me IN SHAMBLES (⁠╯⁠°⁠□⁠°⁠）⁠╯⁠︵⁠ ⁠┻⁠━⁠┻

I've been meaning to comment in more detail on every chapter, and just list up everything little detail and exchange i love, but after the current chapter i had TO COME HERE FIRST to send an Ask!!

I am SO HAPPY to see Off the Hook and the Squid sister and Splatoon hanging out, and knowing that sweet, brave Eight is in good, caring hands now 🥺 they deserve the world, and their genuine admiration and trust in Octavio had me 🥹 it was so cathartic to see Marina have the heart to heart she needed with her former leader as well, even if they don't agree with everything, Octavio's growth already showed a teeeny tiny bit in him, reluctantly, agonizingly, agreeing with Marina and making that promise to her (and by extension, to Eight and all of his people)

I don't know what you have planned for the next chapter, i know this one's gonna be tricky since it has to essentially fill in the void between game 2 and 3, but man!!! I really really really hope that, despite all of the baggage and anger and yelling, Octavio can find some solace, something to hold onto, in the genuine hope and trust that Eight, Callie, and Marina put in him, in spite (or because?) of everything 🙏 he's gonna have another tough road ahead of him, but i believe in this stubborn, clever, spiteful old man 🐙 he has fucked up many times before, but i believe he will try his best to keep his word, if only to not let the people down that put their trust in him (maybe that's hust me being delulu and naive tho agsjshdjfhgfd)

My god that ENDING tho!!! The leaky roof has CRASHED DOWN metaphorically, and it's really lucky that Octavio jumped the heck outta there because i would NOT want to be at the camp after all that!

There's poor Callie, probably having a small breakdown rn, and Cuttlefish, who let some /real nasty/ things slip out there (granted, that was mostly the result of being spurred on and goaded by Octavio to be his worst self, i think) that i can't rly see Marina and Eight just... overlook, tbh (especially after he also pulled that whole past identify reveal on Marina in the Metro, which could have potentially ended very, very poorly)... The mood there is probably. 😬😬😬 Rip to the planned party 🎉

There's soooo much more i would like to say, but yeah that's gonna be probably better said in individual chapter comments, but i just HAD to get this all out!

Thank you so much for your incredible work!! The long chapters are a delight to read personally, even if they seem a bit daunting at first; since the writing and pacing is so good, it's very easy to breeze through them :D

I wish you a belated Happy New Year and lots of inspiration, motivation, and free writing time for the chapter 5, I'm super looking forward to whatever you've planned next! 🙌🐙✨

WAUUAUGHH TYSM OMGGG!! i absolutely relate on the commenting thing LOL sometimes ill spend months keeping up with a fic, only to realize later on that oh. oops i havent commented at all. i really shouldve done that! very much a regular ao3 reader thing to overlook it, so i absolutely dont blame u at all LMAO (i do look forward to the comments though, ive said this like hundreds of times it feels like already but feedback rlly is such a strong motivator when it comes to writing! very funny how reading words makes you want to make more words)

but. again. WAHHH thank you !! im glad youve been enjoying so far, and ur kind words mean so so sososo much ;_; omg

i'm very excited to get chapter 5 out to yall, but im also super excited to just like. write it in general LOL it has a LOTTTTT of stuff that i cant exactly talk about just yet, considering that it would all be spoilers for what exactly goes down, but im super hyped for it. and im the one writing it!

the only thing i can say is that, yeah youre spot on about it being tricky and having to bridge that gap! i don't have any plans to change the actual plot points that happen in the games themselves, excluding whatevers gonna happen for the s3 dlc which we essentially know uh. nothing about! we're currently still on track to be following the story modes' outlines. (but as soon as we get off of that track? hooh boy ive got some silly ideas >:))

again tho, thank you so much ik i keep saying it but. it means so much to hear how yall are liking the fic !! <3

[lostinlogan]

Ok, we're a bit of a standstill here.

Damn its been an interesting week.

Like I really cant even lie its not even been that much spice but from where we were of getting NO PLAY whatsoever, to like , having two girls show even just the slightest bit of interest is like incredible, for me. And its been good because I can se the work that I've put in. Like I was in an uber with this girl for like 20 min and I was funny, listening, was able to hold a conversation, DRIVE the conversation and these are all skills that I didn't have had like two, three, five years ago. All of the internal monologues that ive had with myself while listening and analyzing the speech patterns of people that I've identified as good communicators has to a certain degree paid off. I wont share too many details here but I recently joined this group that meets once a week. I've been goign for about 4 weeks but my friend that i know from outside of the group joined this week for the first time and while they were talking to another member of the group I guess i cam up intheir conversation and I received a compliment about my openness and personality from a group member. Like my reputation has preceded me in a positive way which is BIG jump from just like being another no-name in the background. So I was a little proud of that.

So again, two women, in the same week have showed an interest in me, the problem now is that I'm not really sure if I want them, not even want them but want the weight of a girlfriend. This is the problem with like learning and growing and becoming a better communicator as a man its that understanding the weight of being a good boyfriend or even friend for that matter like actually is. I know what it takes to be a good partner and it take s a lot of work and communication and I"m not sure that's something I want to do right now. Or maybe its not something I want to do for these two women, I'm not sure.

My dilemma is that yes, I want to have a physical and emotional relationship but I don't really want to put in the work to make that happen, partly because I'm really happy with my own personal growth right now and don't want to mess that up but also because I don't see myself long term with either of these people and it feels wrong to like put on the good guy act when I know deep down there's really no weight behind it.I don't really have good long term intentions. But like is that so wrong??

I want like a friendly hookup. I want to find friends really but partners that I respect and care for but also am able to hook up with? i think that is actually normal and fine but the problem is ME, I AM BOYFRIEND MATERIAL BUT I WANT TO BE A SLUT. How do I become a slut without falling into the male manipulator andrew tate mold? Like in the Uber i was telling this girl about my job and what I don=, personally I donthtink its that impressive but Its good money and more than a lot of other people make and like.. her eyes just like up, like she had just found the one and I don't like the feeling of being projected on like that. And she was cool and fun and had a good personality but if that's where this relationship is heading then I do not want any parts of that.

LOL, my brand is earnest good guy because I think that's what comes naturally to me and its something I enjoy. Listening to the stories and perspectives of women has actually been such an enriching experience and has added such a depth of color to my own life. And in the partner that I find, i want to continue to do that but I just don't want the be center of those stories. Sometimes I find myself on the peripheries of peoples life and I tend to like it there, or I've become just become accustomed to it; rearguards its a place that I feel comfortable in.

OK but will say, I've been working on he body, been in the gym, getting the diet (almost) entirely locked in and that been rewarding in itself but i think it will help me get to my goal of reaching the hookup culture that everyone else is talking about. Like if I can get in physical shape get to what i consider to be sexy, then I fell like all the other stuff is true , but i feel like people will start projecting Slut instead of steady, hallmark boyfriend. But yes, your mom will love me and I will love her back.

[iridescentides]

hi again dia! happy first day of december ❤️💚 i wanted to ask you what, in your opinion, are the 5 most underrated dcoms? i remember you saying before that you've watched all of them so i'd love to hear your opinions 😊 - 🎅🎁🎄

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH secret santa you are so good! asking me all the best questions 💜

okay so i literally had to make a list of all the dcoms i consider underrated and then narrow down a top 5. theres lots of dcoms that i love, but that i think got the right amount of attention and care (like lemonade mouth and the teen beach movies, for example), so this list just focuses on ones that deserved more hype for their quality level.

5. The Cheetah Girls: One World (2008)

okay so even as i type this i feel like a hypocrite. i have only watched this movie one time. BUT i can acknowledge that its one of the most criminally underrated dcoms ever, tons of people didnt watch it simply because raven wasnt in it. thats why i avoided it as a child, and i didnt get around to watching it until i did my big dcom binge in 2016. and it was so good. theres a really long post floating somewhere around tumblr full of specifics on why its actually the best cheetah girls movie (my favorite is the second one purely out of nostalgia), so to paraphrase some points from that post:

its a solid example of cultural appreciation, rather than appropriation, as the girls go and learn about bollywood and indian culture together

the indian characters arent treated like props or unimportant sides, they get their own agency and storylines that are important

the songs are good!!!

basically this movie was overlooked and slept on even though in terms of role modeling and social value, and just like the first two cheetah girls movies it was important and impactful.

4. Sharpay’s Fabulous Adventure (2011)

okay so as someone whos very neutral and occasionally negative-leaning towards the hsm franchise (mostly bc its overhyped and not really representative of all dcoms), i was pleasantly surprised by sharpays fabulous adventure. this is another one that i know lots of people skipped right over and dont hold with as much esteem as the main hsm franchise, and that doesnt sit right with me.

i do not agree with the “uwu sharpay was the real victim in hsm” arguments bc in their efforts to look galaxy brained the people who say that overlook the fact that she was a rich white woman who used her power and status to exercise control over opportunities that should have been fairly and freely available for all; they were not “making a mockery of her theater” in the first movie, they were literally just kids who wanted to try out a new school activity that everyone was supposed to be allowed to participate in; and despite allegedly learning her lesson and singing we’re all in this together with everyone at the end of the first movie, she literally showed no growth in the second movie as she fostered an openly hostile environment and favored troy so heavily that it literally cost him his friends, all as part of yet another jealous plan to take things away from people who already have less than her. she was NOT the victim in the main franchise, and she did not seem to exhibit any growth or introspection either.

and that!!! is why sharpays fabulous adventure was so important. in focusing on sharpay as the main character, they finally had to make her likeable. they did this by showing actual real growth and putting her outside of her sphere of influence and control. we saw true vulnerability from her, instead of the basic ass “mean girl is sad bc shes actually just super insecure” trope (cough cough radio rebel), and this opened us up to finally learn about and care about her character. throughout the movie we see her learn, from her love interests example, how to care for others and be considerate. she faces actual adversity and works through it, asking herself what she truly wants and what shes capable of. and in the end, when she finally has her big moment, we’re happy for her bc she worked hard to get there. she becomes a star through her own merit and determination, rather than through money and connections. this movie is not perfect by any means, but it is severely underrated for the amount of substance it adds to sharpays character.

3. The Swap (2016)

okay i know im gonna get shit for this but thats why its on this list!!! just like sharpays fabulous adventure, its not perfect and definitely misses the mark sometimes, but it deserves more attention and love for all the things it did get right!

the swap follows two kids who accidentally switch bodies because of their emotional attachment to their dead/absent parents’ phones. and while i normally HATE the tv/movie trope of a dead parent being the only thing that builds quick sympathy for a young character, they definitely expanded well enough to where we could root for these kids even without the tragedy aspect. we see them go through their daily struggles and get a feel for their motivations as characters pretty well. as a body switching movie, we expect it to be all goofy and wacky and lighthearted, but it moves beyond that in unexpected ways.

the reason the swap is on this list is for its surprisingly thoughtful commentary on gender roles. its by no means a feminist masterpiece, and its not going to radicalize kids who watch it, but it conveys a subtle, heartfelt message that deserves more appreciation. the characters struggle with the concept of gender in a very accurate way for their age, making off-base comments and feeling trapped by the weight of expectations they cant quite put their finger on. we watch them feel both at odds with and relieved by the gender roles they are expected and allowed to perform in each others bodies, and one of the most interesting parts of the movie to me is their interactions with the other kids around them. as a result of their feeling out of place in each others environments, the kids inadvertently change each others friendships for the better by introducing new communication styles and brave authenticity. 

the value of this movie is the subtle, but genuine way it shows the characters growing through being given the space to act in conflicting ways to their expected norms. ellie realizes that relationships dont have to be complex, confusing, and painful, and that its okay to not live up to appearances and images. jack learns that emotional expression is good, healthy, and especially essential to the grieving process. one of the most powerful scenes in the movie comes at the end where, after ellie confronts jacks dad in his body, jack returns as himself to a very heartfelt apology from his father for being too hard on him; the explicit message (”boys can cry”) is paired with an open expression of love and appreciation for his kids that he didnt feel comfortable displaying until his son set an example through honest communication. this is such an empowering scene and overall an empowering movie for kids who may feel stuck in their expected roles, as it sets a positive example for having the courage to break the restrictive societal mold. for its overall message of the importance of introspection and emotional intelligence, the swap is extremely underrated.

2. Freaky Friday (2018)

this is my favorite dcom, and probably my favorite movie at this point. ive always assigned a lot of personal value to this movie (and i love every freaky friday in general), for the message of selfless familial love and understanding. i know i can get carried away talking about this topic; i got an anon ask MONTHS ago asking me about the freaky friday movies and i wrote a super super long detailed response that i never posted bc i didnt quite finish talking about the 2018 movie. and thats bc on a personal level, i cant adequately convey all the love i have for this movie. so i will try to keep this short.

first lets state the obvious: the reason people dont like this movie is bc its not the lindsay lohan version. and i get that, to an extent, bc i also love the 2003 version and its one of my ultimate comfort movies, and grew up watching it and ive seen it a billion times. i even watched it a couple days ago. but the nostalgia goggles that people have on from the early 2000s severely clouds their judgement of the wonderful 2018 remake.

yes, the 2018 version is dorky, overly simplistic plot wise, a bit stiff at times, and super cheesy like any dcom. the writing isnt 100% all the time. the narrative takes a couple confusing turns. the song biology probably shouldnt have been included. i understand this. but at the heart of it all, this movies value is love. and its edge over all the other freaky friday movies is the songs.

on a personal level, the movie speaks heavily to me. i cried very early into my first viewing of the movie bc i got to see dara renee, a dark-skinned, non-skinny actress, playing the mean popular girl on disney channel. that has never happened before. growing up, i saw the sharpays and all the other super thin white women get to be the “popular” girls on tv, and ultimately they were taken down in the end for being mean, but that doesnt change the fact that they were given power and status in the first place for being conventionally beautiful. so, watching dara renee strut around confidently and sing about being the queen bee at this high school got to me immediately. and in general, the supporting cast members of color really mean a lot to me in this movie. we get to see adam, an asian male love interest for the main character. we have a second interracial relationship in the movie with katherines marriage to mike. ellies best friend karl is hispanic. and we see these characters have depth and plot significance, we see them show love, care, and passion for the things they value. the brown faces in this movie are comforting to me personally. additionally, the loving, blended family dynamic is important to me as someone in a close-knit, affectionate step-family.

but on a more general level, this movie is underrated for its skillful musical storytelling and the way it conveys all kinds of love and appreciation. in true freaky friday fashion, we watch ellie and katherine stumble and misstep in their attempts to act like each other. its goofy and fun. but through it all, the music always captures the characters’ intimate thoughts and feelings. the opening song gives us a meaningful view into ellie and katherines relationship and the fundamental misunderstandings that play a role in straining their connection. ellie sings about how she thinks her mom wants her to be perfect, and her katherine sings about all the wonderful traits she sees in her daughter and how she wants her to be more open and self assured. this is meaningful bc even as theyre mad at each other, the love comes through. the songs continue to bring on the emotional weight of the story, as ellie sings to her little brother about her feelings of hurt and abandonment in her fathers absence. the song “go” and its accompanying hunt scene always make me cry bc of the childlike wonder and sense of adventure that it brings. for the kids, its a coming of age, introspective song. for katherine who gets to participate in ellies body, its a reminder of youth and the rich, full life her daughter has ahead of her. she is overcome with excitement, both from getting to be a teenager again for a day, and from the realization that her daughter has a support network and passions that are all her own. today and ev’ry day, the second to last song, is the culmination of the lessons learned throughout the movie, a mother and daughters tearful commitment to each other to love, protect, and understand one another. the line “if today is every day, i will hold you and protect you, i wont let this thing affect you” gets to me every time. even when things are hard and dont go according to plan, they still agree, in this moment, to be there for each other. and thats what all freaky friday stories are ultimately about.

freaky friday 2018 is a beautiful, inclusive, subversive display of familial love, sacrifice, and selflessness, and it is underrated and overlooked because of its more popular predecessor.

1. Let It Shine (2012)

this is another one of my favorite dcoms and movies in the whole world. unlike the other movies on this list, it is not the viewers themselves that contribute to the underrated-ness of this movie. disney severely under-promoted and under-hyped this movie in comparison to its other big musical franchises, and i will give you five guesses as to why, but youll only need one!

let it shine is the most beautifully, unapologetically black dcom in the whole collection. (i would put jump in! at a notable second in this category, but that one wasnt underrated). this movie was clearly crafted with care and consideration. little black kids got to see an entire dcom cast that represented them. the vernacular used in the script is still tailored mostly to white-favoring audiences, but with some relevant slang thrown in there. in short, the writers got away with the most blackness they were allowed to inject into a disney channel project.

the story centers on rap music and its underground community in atlanta, georgia. it portrays misconceptions surrounding rap, using a church setting as a catalyst for a very real debate surrounding a generational, mutlicultural conflict. this was not a “safe” movie for disney, given its emphasis on religious clashes with contemporary values. it lightly touches on issues of image policing within the black community (cyrus’s father talking about how “our boys” are running around with sagging pants and “our girls” are straying away from god), which is a very real and pressing problem for black kids who feel the pressure (from all sides) of representing their whole race with their actions. its a fun, adorable story about being yourself and staying true to your art, but also a skillful representation of struggles unique to black and brown kids and children from religious backgrounds.

on top of crafting a fun, wholesome, thoughtful narrative and likeable protagonists, let it shine brought us what is in my opinion the BEST dcom soundtrack of all time. every single song is a bop. theyre fast, fun, and lyrically engaging. “me and you” is my favorite disney channel song of all time due to its narrative significance; i will never forget my first time watching the movie and seeing that big reveal unfold onstage, as a conversation and a plot summary all wrapped into a song. the amount of thought and care that went into the music of this movie should have been rewarded with a level of attention on par with that of other musical dcoms.

if disney channel had simply cared about let it shine more, it couldve spanned franchises and sold songs the way that other musical dcoms have drawn in success. i would have loved for a sequel that explored and fleshed out cyrus’s neighborhood a little bit more, and maybe dipped into that underground scene they caught a glimpse of. i wanted a follow up on the changed church community once cyrus’s father started supporting his sons vision. i want so much more for these characters and this world than disney gave them in just one movie.

for its bold, unabashed representation of blackness and religion, subtle, nuanced presentation of race-specific issues, strong, likeable characters, and complex, thoughtful songs, let it shine is the most underrated dcom.

and because i made a full list before i started writing this post, here are some honorable mentions:

going to the mat (2004)

gotta kick it up! (2002)

tru confessions (2002)

dont look under the bed (1999)

invisible sister (2015)

[gibsonmusicart]

Writing A Music Business Plan That Works

By Peter Spellman

One thing I would never do is invite friends to Boston without first sending them a map. More than most cities, Boston (for the out-of-towner) is an urban tangle with few rivals. I remember my first visit to the city back in '77. It was a psychological and emotional roller coaster to say the least. And I had a map! Maps - they lay out the land and point us in the right direction. A good music business plan is a lot like a map, though the "land" you'll be dealing with here - the music industry - is both more tangled than the city of Boston and can end up pointing you in any variety of "right" directions at the same time. A good music business plan is the map to the fulfillment of your goals. Whether you're a band, soloist, production house or some other business, a plan can turn foggy notions into operational strategies, hunches into actions, dreams into reality. Dreams. This is where it all begins isn't it? For this reason I like to think of one's business plan as a "vision/mission." It starts with vision. Before your first gig you envisioned yourself playing it. Remember? Vision precedes mission and fuels it with the necessary energy to go the distance. Mission implements vision and provides the vehicle that moves you towards your goal. Together they're unstoppable! Why Write A Music Business Plan? There are a number of specific benefits to writing a music business plan. A well-thought out business plan will: * Clear the way for creative thinking * Pinpoint strengths and weaknesses * Identify obstacles and problems * Expose hidden opportunities * Set proper priorities * Coordinate your marketing program * Take the guesswork out of budgeting * Allow for meaningful review and revision Your business plan should never be viewed as a one-time draft written In stone but instead as a provisional guideline to help you take strategic and effective steps toward the achievement of your goals. It is never really complete because it parallels and reflects the dynamics of your own growth and development. Besides the benefit of self-revelation, there is another important reason to draw up a business plan: To attract investors and secure loans. No one needs to tell you how much it costs to launch a successful music career in the 90's. Between equipment, insurance, taxes, travel, recording, mixing, manufacturing, promotion, advertising and various fees and commissions, today's musicians and bands are left with little else to call their own. Enter investors. Investors are willing to put up a certain amount of dollars to launch your music project with the hope and expectation of a return on their investment. The most important thing they'll need in order to decide to invest in you or not is a well-thought out business plan. The same goes for seeking bank loans. A plan reflects professional responsibility to the lending institution and greatly increases your chances of securing a loan. How to Structure A Music Business Plan A music business plan will have six main components. They are: I. A summary page II. A description of your business Ill. A marketing plan IV.An operations statement V .A project time-line VI. Financial projections We will look at each in turn. You may want to make a rough outline for your own plan as you read this article. Don't be surprised, however, if your complete plan ends up being forty pages long! This should be expected. Would you like some free help drafting your plan? Then contact your local SBDC (Small Business Development Center). This is a federal program that is part of the SBA (Small Business Administration) designed to provide small business owners with counsel and resources. Your tax dollars pay this so use it! The SBA has a Small Business Answering Desk (800-827-5722). which can answer many general business questions including the location of the SBDC office nearest you. While you may not find them to be experts on the music industry, they are experts in creating and developing small businesses, and you are one. Let's first get an overall sense of where we're going by displaying a complete outline of a business plan: I. Summary statement II. Description of your business or project. A. History and background B. Management description C. Business structure Ill. The market for your product or service A. Market description 1. General market information 2. Specific market information 3. Competition profile B. Marketing plan 1. Positioning 2. Marketing mix 3. Pricing philosophy 4. Method of sales/distribution 5. Customer service policy IV. Operations A. Facilities and equipment B. Plans for growth and expansion C. Risks V. Project time-line VI. Financial information A. Financing required B. Current financial statements C. Financial projections I. Summary Statement. Here you want to answer the following questions as succinctly as possible: Who are you? What will you do? (goals). Why will the business be successful? How will it be financed? - and When do you think it will turn a profit? (Remember, a 'profit' is not how much money you make, but how much you keep). Be ruthlessly realistic! It is also in the summary statement that you list the products or services being offered (e.g. CDs, tapes, performances, etc.) as well as the names and positions of all personnel involved. The summary should close with mention of anything that is unique about your project. II.Description of your business or project This secton begins to flesh out the summarization above. A. Begin first with the history and background of your project. This provides the overall context in which to view your current work. List all data that pertains to the various facets of your present business. Don't pad it with your whole life story, just the pertinent highlights that have brought you to the present moment. B. A management description should follow next. How is your business project organized? What does the leadership look like? (it's style and command chain.) How are decisions made and facillitated? What kind of ongoing business meeting schedule will be followed to insure smooth operation? C. Decide on the business structure you will use (i.e. sole proprietorship, partnership, corporation, etc.). This is one of the first questions the start-up business person should ask. The answer to this question has many legal and tax implications, varies greatly from state to state and from time to time. Again, seek the advice of your small business advisor at your local SBDC office. Ill. The Market for your Product and/or Service Now we are getting into the essence of what you're uniquely about. Marketing means selling and it is an absolute truth that unless a start-up business can sell its offering it will not survive. Getting orders - selling your recordings or performances to paying customers - is of crucial importance to a new business. To compete successfully in the music business, then, you must follow the same strategy that every successful business person uses. You must: * Develop a product- in this case, your music. * Locate clients for your product - do market research. * Bring your product to the marketplace - use sales technique to convince potential clients to buy your music. Does this mean you're "selling out"? NO! Or I should say, it all depends on your attitude. If you have a killer recording or a hot performance to sell and you market it accordingly, then you're not selling out. You're simply bringing a desirable product to a ready audience. If, on the other hand, you would sacrifice your mother for a chance to claw your way to the top, then yes, you're probably selling out. Again, it's attitude. And you have to determine this for yourself. O.K., now that we've cleared that up let's look at some of the various facets of your marketing plan. A.Description of the market for your product/service. The first thing you need is information about your market in order to correctly position your product and find your own unique niche within it. This is called market research and, like all of your planning, should be viewed as an ongoing process. You will need both general and specific information about your market. 1.General Market Information. The general market for musicians is the music industry. Without a general understanding about this larger market context you will have a difficult time trying to find your way within it. It is crucial, therefore, for today's musician to have a grasp of such things as record company structures, music publishing, recording contracts, distribution and music media, and how all of these work together to bring music to people. You can learn about the industry by talking with industry people, taking courses and reading books and trade magazines (see free resource list offer at end of article). 2. Specific Market Information. Here you will want to ask: What part of this larger market do I fit into? In other words, who are my customers? What is their general age, their sex, professions, lifestyle and interests? This information will prove crucial to the development of your marketing strategy. In addition to your customers you'll also want to describe your competition. Be as specific as possible. Gather information on three or four successful competitors, assess the relative strengths and weaknesses of each, and compare your product or service with similar ones in terms of price, promotion, distribution and customer satisfaction. B. Marketing Plan - Now that you've gathered information on both your general and specific market share, you're now ready to develop your marketing plan or strategy. This too can be broken down into several component parts. 1.Positioning - This is related to finding your market "niche." No matter what products or services you provide, you can carve out a niche for them based on your experience, skills, and interests and then build up that niche as you work to serve it. Ask yourself questions like: What do I do best? Who needs that the most? Where can I provide that product orservice that will give me a chance to expand what I do to utilize my other interests? What do I have to offer that is special or unique? The answers to these questions will help you "position" yourself to most effectively promote what you're selling. 2. Marketing Mix - The particular combination of marketing methods you choose for your marketing campaign is referred to as your "marketing mix." Methods can include news releases, sponsorships, networking, publicity flyers, contests and giveaways, classified ads, trade shows, radio spots, charitable donations and literally hundreds more. When making your selection, keep in mind this fundamental rule of successful marketing: The measure of a successful marketing campaign is the extent to which it reaches at the lowest possible cost the greatest number of people who can and will buy your product or service. Generally speaking, the more of your time a marketing activity requires, the less money it costs you, and vice-versa. For example, networking costs almost nothing in money but plenty in time. On the other hand, advertising in a city newspaper costs a bundle while requiring little in time. 3. Pricing Philosophy - How much you charge for your product or service will depend on many variables. Here is where your research about your competitors comes in especially handy. Undercutting your competition is one common way to gain market share. But there is another approach. Research has shown that buyers, when making a purchase decision, select what they consider to be the best value - all things considered. And this suggests that value is equal to the benefits they perceive divided by the price. Price, therefore, is only one part of the purchase decision process. If you want to increase your customers' perceived value of your product, you can do so by either increasing the benefits or decreasing the price. It is almost always preferable to work on the benefits, both tangible and intangible, both rational and emotional, both large and small, that will make it possible to sell at a higher price. 4. Method of Sales/Distribution - This is related to your marketing mix and details the methods you will employ in implementing the various parts of your mix. For a musician, one method might be the use of a booking agent. Another might be a record distributor or, perhaps, mail order. 5. Customer Service Policy : When considering customer service it is always useful to ask yourself why you continue to frequent certain businesses. More than price more than product quality, you will often return again and again to these businesses because you feel taken care of. The people of those businesses go the all important extra mile to make you feel special. They anticipate your needs and provide for them in the various ways they deal with you. See if you can translate elements of this customer service policy into your own. Write down your philosophy and then list all applications you can imagine related to your business. How can you go the extra mile with your clients? Find ways of distinguishing yourself from your competitors in this area and you will insure a faithful clientele for years to come. IV. Operations - This has to do with the overall physical and logistical manufacturing of your product or service. It typically has three parts to it: A. Facilities and Equipment will encompass such things as your rehearsal space, office space, studio, manufacturers you use, your instruments, sound and light equipment and vehicles you use to haul it all around. A brief note on equipment insurance should also be included here. Investors like to see the founders of a company have a cash investment in the buisness in addition to "sweat equity". B. Plans for Growth or Expansion - Here is where you project your more general goals three to five years into the future, What will you need when you progress from local to regional success? Regional to national? National to international? Perhaps you'll want to develop sub companies within your primary company. Maybe a publishing wing, or a video branch, or perhaps a recording studio. Think it through as clearly and completely as possible. C. Risks - This is another very important part of the plan. Not only does it show you're being open and honest with your financing source, but it forces you to consider and assess alternative strategies in the event your original assumptions do not materialize. V. Project Time Line - Here you want to articulate the schedule for your goal achievement, both short-range (e.g., obtaining radio airplay, booking high-profile gigs, procuring management, etc.) and long-range (e.g., signing a recording contract, having your song performed by a mega-star, etc.). Think through the essential steps needed for the attainment of each goal. VI. Financial Information - No matter how wonderful your plan is it isn't going anywhere without capital investment, whether it's yours or someone elses. This final section of your plan should be broken down into three sub-sections:. The financing required, current financial statements, and a three-year financial forecast. Needless to say, this is the part of the plan potential investors and lenders will concentrate on the most. So the following is written primarily with seeking investors in mind. A. Financing Required - While your first thought may be to ask for cash exclusively, there may be other resources that would help you even more. Perhaps what you really need is some people power assistance, or a touring van, or a new computer. These can sometimes be provided more easily than cash. Whatever you decide you need, make sure it's based on a hard-headed and realistic assessment of the true costs of achieving your goals. A basic rule of thumb in estimating costs is to add 15% onto whatever figure you come up with. This covers all those additional "hidden" and unexpected expenses which inevitably accrue. B. Current Financial Projection: Financial projections are a key part of a businessplan. They provide the reader with an idea of where you think the business is going. Perhaps more importantly, they tell a lot about your instrinsic good sense an d understanding of the difficulties your company faces. Often, financial projections are optimistic to an outlandish extent. They are usually prefaced with words like, "Our conservative forecast is..." Do not use the word conservative" when describing your forecast. Be careful also not to use the "hockey stick" approach to forecasting, that is, little growth in sales and earnings for the first couple of years followed by a sudden rapid upward surge in sales and totally unrealistic profit margins. Excessively optmistic projections ruin your credibility as a responsible business person. Include monthly cash flow projections, and quarterly or annual order projections (e.g. for studio time, CO manufacturing, etc.) profit and loss projections, and capital expenditure projections (see your accountant for explanations of the above terms). In making financial projections it is usually a good idea to include 'best guess," 'high side," and 'low side" numbers. Sensible investors want to know what returns they can expect and especially how they will achieve liquidity. Tell them. Again, include alternative strategies. Don't worry if you feel a bit overwhelmed by the avalanche of detail your business plan requires. Who wouldn't? Give yourself time. It's helpful to set yourself a goal for completing the first draft of your plan - say three months from now. Begin with one section at a time and meet periodically with your small business advisor to review your plan's development. He or she will be able to discern blind spots as well as affirm the plan's overall direction. If you're thinking of foregoing the effort altogether and just "winging" it, just remember that no planning inevitably leads to wasted time, money and energy - all three in short supply. Remember too that the musicians you currently respect rose to their success with strategic planning and a keen sense of what "doing business" really means. Furthermore, today we are seeing the smarter bands being brought home because they know the inner workings of the music business and how to best organize their limited resources in order to penetrate it. How about you? Are you planning for success?

Source: Music-Articles.com

[fairycosmos]

Its so strange to feel like you have no place in the world..All these events take place daily and all you do is simply nod and just go... wow it must be nice to feel genuine happiness or excitement for the present or future. This sounds lame but like. Snap maps for example. You get a peek at the lives of people around the globe? Someones in a cafe in Amsterdam, someone else is at home with friends or something. Hell, the superglobe? Then you just kinda put ur phone away. then nap til 11pm

dude you for real didn't have to hit me like that 😖😖 ive had this exact thought process so so many times, it's one of the reasons i didn't get snap map lmao. and it's the loneliest most disconcerting place to be. im tempted to say a few things. like social media posts are often an overblown caricature of the actual event, and it's never as fun as it seems. they make you feel like shit but they're built on a myth..... but i understand it's the fact that people are together in the first place that hurts. i mean it's entirely possible that they feel just as lonely, even surrounded by others. maybe they go home and cry, maybe they consider themselves misplaced. it's very very common, people just don't talk about it. i think everyone truly feels like they don't belong at some point, cause it's the only way to find where you do, and even that is something that changes with you as you grow.....im also tempted to say that none of us really have an innate place in the world, unfortunately. we have to carve it out ourselves, make ourselves be heard and seen. that's what i struggle with a lot. it takes so much time and effort and personal growth to be able to be okay with what you have and what you don't have. it's tiring, it's annoying, and i totally understand how being alone for so long fucks up your perception of pretty much everything 😔 you start believing all sorts of unfounded crap, anything to make sense of the loneliness, anything to keep your mind stimulated. but you deserve better. embrace it as a universal truth and try to live by it, man. maybe you don't believe it, but it's highly unlikely that you've found yourself in this position because of anything you've done specifically. sometimes periods of solitude are the natural progression of things, enabling you to focus on yourself until you're ready to put that energy into other people with confidence. sometimes it's just circumstance dictating our positions without our permission. it's hard to find your 'thing' when everyone's being swallowed by adulthood. but it is not a reflection of you, your future, or your 'worthiness.' i get feeling hopeless, and having to process negative emotions in order to work through them. but they are never ever as permanent as they seem, and neither is your current situation. making small baby steps like, getting used to being in public places, or getting involved in your community through a group or activity could make all the difference. i know it sounds like some unrealistic school counselor advice. and it's just something to consider, something to work up to. turning your focus towards what you enjoy doing, and meeting people with that same drive, honestly helps bypass the whole awkward meeting thing. i think all the tools you need to create an environment where you feel like you belong are floating around you, to an extent, and you need to try to reach out for them.....even if that means working on yourself and talking to someone if you've been struggling, such as a support group or your doctor. ANYWAY i didn't meant to ramble. i just feel this in my bonesss and i want you to know that physical solitude doesn't mean you're not being understood. i can't remember whose quote this is but time spent alone is still time spent with the world. you're already here, you already have a place. you've got nothing to prove and no approval to seek. it's more about becoming comfortable with your own lifestyle, one day at a time. im sending you a lot of love and honestly i'll be here if you need to talk. 💘

[minijeong]

Kudos to you for sleeping, even if it is 8:30am!!! Thank you so much for your incredible hard work this comeback, it's so amazing to have you as a content creator and I know that you're doing tons of work that we aren't seeing on tumblr for izone fans on other platforms. I legit was not expecting to be so emotional about this comeback but I WAS and I love Iz*one so much, my heart feels like it'll burst. Can we get more of your thoughts on the comeback? Thank you so much for everything.

thanks for your support as always! tbh i was so sure i was gonna sleep instead of staying up bc i went out the entire day... but i couldnt stop thinking about izone...

honestly theres a point in time for kpop groups when they begin to evolve from idols to artists... and i feel like that is starting to happen to izone

im honestly so freaking happy about fiesta because it’s so much more than i imagined it would be. tbh usually when fans freak out about the dance i cant really trust it most of the time, but after seeing wizone reactions to the showcase on twt i really wanted to believe... and im so glad that they delivered

their dancing feels so genuine to me and it feels like theyre all on the same page and there isnt a single member throwing off the balance and they all have the same fire and intention in their eyes. i dont know how to explain it but my heart can feel how much they value respect and take seriously the stage and the music and the fans. and this honestly reflects back into the people that work with them; the staff, videographers, stylists, etc. the video editing was amazing for mv. the outfits were perfect for the dance both visually and as well for comfort for dancing (the boots are comfy to dance in... much better than violeta shoes). 

can you imagine how much further they’ll continue to grow if theyve already improved and achieved this much in this amount of time?

before i go into small and random thoughts i had imma end it off and say 

stream fiesta and listen to my baby’s ballad thx for coming to my ted talk

small random things i noticed:

yenas dancing is absolutely stunning. she always jokes around and get called a joker and a bluffer and then yuri laughs and says yena needs more practice... but to be able to convey through dance and performance at this level you need to think a LOT and work A LOT i love her

eunbi got given parts that made use of her vocal range and her voice came out so strong... and spaceship made me feel things

there are small parts in the choreo that are “between moves” but they keep focus and also kept that clean... they really went to that level of detail...

ahn yujins growth is freaking scary... and she learned how to dance as a tall person to match short members (this is actually a skill LOL i got yelled at in practice for like 4 months straight for it until i learned)

chaeyeon can include head parts in choreography while keeping the camera’s intention is kind of super insane

im worried for some of their knees in that one leg down part (except for chaewon and yujin who are v stable)

when hitomi did textures in her part i fking cheered my heart out even though it was one second LOL

ive never felt an idol step on my so hard until chaewon’s first part when she threw down and stomped girl GET IT. she also looks down on u like ur a piece of shit i love it we love our swearing girl crush legend

i dont know how two people are able to share a dance break when the formation stays the same and they dont share centre but chaewon and chaeyeon did it

yuri at 4s going down wow

there are times when cheonjae ahn yujin really slows her moves down and takes her time and makes us feel it and i love that

theres a part where they throw their arms up and yujin is in the centre and she doesnt throw her arms up all the way to match everyone elses arm height and that was peak intellectual

whoever izones choreographer is theyve been respecting the music since forever and i appreciate that

theres always one idol in a group that doesnt hold the camera long enough at the end of their part and izone used to have that as well but it doesnt happen anymore wtf

the dance lets eunbi show off her strength rather than going for elegance and i think she slapped me a few times and bonked me with her hips a few times but i encourage that

i love yujinnies hair

hitomis stage presence improved so much i freaking love her

i want yena fancam shes so good

u might be wondering why i care about textures so much but textures are THE thing that kpop always lacked which thus took away the meaning from the dance. u cant always punch and u cant always make things soft and izone GETS IT

chaeyeon dancing looks so happy and that makes me happy 

little main vocal nako is my love

wonyoungs vocal improvement is crazy

the way yuri says hwalryeohan in her chorus ohmygoodness

yena’s chorus in spaceship where she showed us vocal prowess by not going falsetto on the high note

yuri spacebuns

mombi in denim

dimple aegyo yujin in spaceship bridge

the way sakura manipulated me into giffing her first

the way my heart screams CUTE whenever i see nako

the thing on yuris ear idk what it is but it cool

that entire choreo is a left butt workout LOL

the way yena runs up to the centre in spaceship chorus

eunbi slapped me again

miyawaki sakura readjusting her positioning at the end to make a perfect diagonal without sacrificing the dance is classic miyawaki pro behaviour

how is minju’s smile so perfect... esp in her first part...

the way yuri smiles in spaceship but also the way yuri smiles in ayayaya 

izone makes their own genre its not cute its not girlcrush its everything mixed together and anything you could possibly want it to be i dont make the rules it just happened this way

[mittensmorgul]

Hi. I really enjoy your blog and thank you for being so positive. All the negativity about last night's ep bothers me. I would love to see Dean/Cas finally have that big moment, but it wouldnt make for good story telling if we got it so easily. I have felt since s12...we are getting real personal growth! I also feel something big is coming for Dean/Cas with how they have kept them apart and all the emotional baggage getting adressed. There has been no hug either and there is so much unsaid. ❤

Yeah, I mean... I watch the show with the full knowledge that no matter how important Dean and Cas’s relationship is, even to the actual structure of the narrative, the way they’re writing the story and the actual focus of the main plot... will never focus that directly on destiel. This doesn’t mean I think destiel isn’t A Thing they are writing, just that Who Dean Is As A Person and Who Cas Is As A Person both take narrative precedence over the potential for a textual romantic relationship going forward for them.

I have no idea how to say that without sounding negative about it or drawing wank on it, which is why I don’t usually attempt to state it so blatantly in public. But I am 100% not negative about this. I’m just speaking about it from a narrative structure perspective here, which I’ve been yelling FOR LITERAL YEARS bears a close resemblance to the structure of 1001 Nights, and the Scheherazade/Shahryar relationship. Their romance is NEVER in the foreground of the tale, and yet somehow the entirety of 1001 Nights IS THE OVERARCHING STRUCTURE OF THEIR ROMANCE. Other aspects of the story are more pressing (like Scheherazade having sacrificed herself in the attempt to stop other women from being killed every morning, but not actually wanting to die herself because She Is Smart and Has A Plan and showed up with a buttload of awesome stories to slowly guide her plan to fruition). All those stories she weaves, in the gaps between them, she and Shahryar slowly fall in love. It’s not something they confess out loud, but it is something they both gradually begin to feel and to understand. Their interpersonal side-plot grows slowly, over 1001 actual nights of storytelling and companionship, and it takes nearly THREE YEARS of constant nightly stories, never letting one story end at the wrong time (at daybreak, when Shahryar might choose to kill her, but always timing it JUST RIGHT so that he’d ask for another story to fill the hours until dawn... which would inevitably be interrupted on a cliffhanger with words unspoken still between them... interrupting moose, anyone? That would be Scheherazade’s sister, Dunyazade, who accompanied her on what was supposed to be Scheherazade’s literal last night on Earth, but whose prompting and strategic interruptions actually furthered the romantic tension growing between Scheherazade and Shahryar, preventing their story from coming to an end too soon).

So while Scheherazade and Shahryar and their slow fall into love with one another is literally fundamental to the entire narrative, there was no way for any of it to pay off before the end of the larger narrative, you know?

If Scheherazade can patiently continue spinning out her stories, setting her own eventual (hopeful!) personal happiness aside because she sees the bigger picture at stake, then I can certainly wait until the end of Supernatural, however long it continues until its story is finally done.

Does this mean I’m saying that romantic love confessions and a clear, undeniable canon romantic relationship will factor in to the ending of the series? Nope. I have no guarantees to offer. But it does mean that as long as the show keeps factoring the fundamental importance of their relationship into the larger overarching narrative, as well as their own personal character arcs, and continuing to poke at it both through narrative mirrors and textually laying Big Questions for them out on the table, then I’m gonna be Scheherazade about it.

Every episode begins (emotionally, for me) with the Dread Pirate Roberts having spared Westley’s life because of True Love, and telling him “I’ll most likely kill you in the morning.” But then he doesn’t... and he continues not killing him, because it was all about true love. (yes, I’m saying the Princess Bride is a twist on the 1001 Nights narrative, at least insofar as The Dread Pirate Roberts persona goes. I mean... the parallel goes a lot deeper than this, into so much more of the metaphorical journey, the Hero’s Journey to prove himself worthy to his True Love, the quest for justice when he doubts the strength of that love to transcend death, after it was literally stolen away from him... I mean, this parallel also runs deep).

So that’s where we are with destiel. I’m perfectly 100% happy with that. Because I’m content to engage with the narrative they are actually presenting, and not delusionally projecting my own desire for Dean and Cas to just be happy now onto it in a way that it just does not exist in canon, you know?

All that said, YES. How long has it been since we’ve had a simple, “Hello, Dean.” Or even a HUG between them... since 13.06? YIKES THAT IS A WHILE. And we didn’t even get to hear the Hello, Dean at the end of 13.05 that we all yelled at the TV to fill that silent gap when Dean answered the phone and it was Cas calling him.

I choose to believe that the show is following their own unofficial theme song in this regard, though. They’ll be able to be happy at the end of the road. “There’ll be peace when you are done.” And until then, they’ve got a lot of road to cover, and a long way to go, and a lot of extraneous baggage to deal with. But they’re getting there, because they’ve always been headed there, even when they weren’t entirely sure where “there” was, you know?

But now we know Dean DOES know, at least in a general way. He’s not longing for a life that isn’t his anymore. He doesn’t feel cheated out of the white picket fence, apple pie life anymore. He’s made his own family (which absolutely does include Cas), and he recognizes there’s still work for them to do, but Dean himself is good with that. He’s in a strangely healthier place than he’s ever been in his whole entire life, including 4-year-old him who never knew death and fire and tragedy.

And that’s absolutely something to carry forward, wherever the road may lead.

And that’s also why I’ll eternally be frustrated with fandom bitterness over the literal structure of the entire narrative. I mean, this is not gonna change. This is the main story they are telling, and how they’re telling it. I only hope that being able to get some perspective on that will help people keep all of this in mind and truly appreciate the beauty of it all. This is why I personally feel this has the potential to be the greatest love story ever told, because it’s so much more than just an angel falling from heaven and raising a man from hell, and then meeting in the middle. It’s about BOTH of them, their choices, their failures and successes, and this entire process of understanding who they are in the larger structure of the universe, and who they could potentially be to one another.

And I wouldn’t have it any other way.

[cowboypdf]

the tower, death, the lovers!

the tower: have any terrible experiences actually had positive effects/were neccesary for growth? 

i don’t know if terrible things are neccesary for growth, but i do think its always possible to gain something positive from bad shit that happens to you - maybe youve got greater empathy for others, maybe you now have a greater toolbox for resources during times of distress, maybe you feel more prepared for the formalities of trying to live because youve already experienced things far bigger than that. like i know this is stupid as hell but i am ALWAYS thinking abt that quote thats like “everyone you meet is either going to be a blessing or a lesson” and i think you expand that rhetoric to a lot of life in general!

death: what transformations have you gone through recently? 

i think the time period from the beginning of senior year to now has been one of the biggest upheavals in my life since my parents got married and i moved across the country in like, fourth grade. i quit ballet which spurred a really big change in how i relate to my body because i no longer spent 20-25 hours a week staring at and critiquing myself in a mirror, and i think that being removed from the hyperfeminity of my peers there also started to allow me to be more comfortable like. being gnc and presenting like it! i think the way my presentation changed this year at school was wack. and i guess that can seem superficial but i spent so so so many years having big body issues so its nice to in some ways be free from that. and like emotionally i feel like i finally started to understand what i have to offer other people like not to reference kimya dawson but its abt being able to understand your space within the context of the whole! 

the lovers: if you believe in soulmates, what do you think yours would look like? 

i dont think that there’s Just One Person out there for everyone, and i don’t think just any two people could be good together - but i think that as long as two people are dedicated to loving each other growing together and just being good to one another - they can become soulmates! i wholeheartedly believe that as long as someone earnestly wants to make a relationship with another person, and is a position to take on that endeavor healthfully, theres someone who wants to take that on with them!

as for what that would look like for me - well. ive been in my romance bag lately so sorry for getting really cheesy but like. i think someone who could be my soulmate is just anyone who is like. enamored and fascinated with life! they’re dedicated to finding love wherever they can and finding the good and taking time to like. look up at the stars and point out worms on the ground and take pictures of the sunset. stuff like that! and in general just like. someone who is committed to and thrives on emotional intimacy and communication! this is a talking about our feelings zone! and like not to have an aquarius venus but like.. i think any fulfilling relationship is built on a solid friendship and romance grows from that! but beyond just like... has compatible relationship goals and views and stuff like that, as long as theres love and respect and dedication and trust i think anyone could be my soulmate!

[jhk75-blog1]

Un...

This is my story. I was a 4 yr old boy who was abandoned by his parents in the city of Busan South Korea in the middle of the 70’s. I never could really understand the beginning of my life, is was just a big blur. Like I came from a Big Bang or something of that sort...and The next thing I came remember is coming off a plane going down a long lite up corridor not knowing what is happening or what is going to happen. All I see are all these strangers looking at me like I was the next door prize on the price is right. Strange how I remembered how I was feeling going throug this crazy situation. I have no idea what or who or where I was going. I remember getting handed this panda bear and shoving it back into my soon to be sisters stomach. I knocked the wind out of her, not on purpose but just from being scared and a lone and maybe reflexive or combination of everything happening at the moment. I also didn’t speak any English when I arrived here in the states. Severely malnourished grew 12 inched in the first year I was here. Both my sister and brother were adopted from SK and were infants when there were adopted. They always were closer to my adopted parents. Favorites. I was adopted by a typical white family trying to keep there hopeless failed marriage alive. Weird i think now about it being a parent now by getting or having another child is going to help the relationship in some weird fucked up way. It would just bring more stress and complications to the marriage and it did. obviously. D and J were the typical parents in the 80s after there divorced was finalized was not a good one. My adoptive mom was a 3rd grade elementary school teacher. My adoptive father was a pipe filled dreams of making money fast and easy. No respect for this person at all. There whole divorce was fighting and bickering about money and custody and bullshit all around. I seemed to get lost in the shuffle of there lives and the divorce. I was going through severe mental health issuses. now they diagnosed it as Complex ptsd. I was also tested for ADHD and i tested positive at the age of 6 or 7. It seemed like my whole adolescences was trying to get approval from ppl who never really cared about me from the begining. I was raised by some very depressed and mentally ill ppl. I realize that know being more self aware and where my pain and suffering came from. My relationship with my brother and sister was contentious at times. Being raised by narraccist and mentally ill ppl will do that. I do have a lot of respect for my adoptive mom. Single mom of three kids, disabled herself with cerbal palsy. But overall .It didn’t make her a very compassionate person or self aware person at all. Weird. but with her hard non emotional upbringing my mom tried her best to keep us in sports and activities to maybe shield us from all the crap going on with the divorce. It helped and maybe just for a little while to fit in somewhere. I never really like i fit in any where by the way i looked, what i felt , i never was validated as a child or as teenager. I never ever fit in with my adoptive family til this day.

On a weekday I came down with a high fever about 103 and I had a grand maul seizure i was age 8 at the time. The doctors had found a tumor on the right side of my brain. They thought that the tape worms I had coming from South Korea had laid eggs and traveled into my brain. So they did open brain surgery. The last thing i remember going into that surgery was my yelling at me not knowing how to pronouce a letter. Sad as hell. That would be that last thing i would be doing before my kids had any surgery. Thats why i told you my adoptive mom wasn’t very emotional supportive. After the surgery, I just remember being not being able to control my emotions very well. Highs lows.. I also had attempted to commit suicide at the age 10 and it seemed like my family didn’t really care if i was there or not. Always knowing and feeling that i didn’t fit in anywhere in life. My life never really seemed to have purpose until i had my kids and even then it helped but not really. I was never really loved my whole life. Two families in my life didn’t want me. Why would anybody else? I had some severe mental health issues and disabilities i didn’t even yet understand. It seemed liked i was going to be the next suicide case. But i never could do it. I think that the thing that made me never follow through with it is because I wanted Love. to be loved and to give love. I grew up being the black sheep in my family. Funny i was the one disabled and told be just like my brother in sister and get A’s in school and go on to a 4yr college. My mom would tell me as a child that i wasn’t smart enough to go to school so i should just be a school bus driver. Being told I was dumb and lazy and kicked down every chance they got. I have never was a favorite in my family. I told myself that when i became a dad that I would do the opposite of how my parents raised me. I would show them love and affection and be a better than my parents were to me. I struggled my whole life with mental health issues and disabilities that were never validated by my family or given any considerations. I was physically and emotionally abused as a child and that why Ive had 3 marriages all ending in divorce and 2 kids who i would die for. The reasons I’m writing this is because for self healing and growth and to maybe help or connect with ppl who also struggle and face similar challenges and obstacles. Ive been looking for love and found someone who accepts me for who i am and what i am. She has taught me how to love and give love. I wouldn’t be here today with out her and hopefully some day we will love ourselves as much as we love each other.