#but seriously thanks for sending info my way

[deus-ex-mona]

it’s ✨okay✨, right~?

[finniestoncrane]

Virginal vault dweller reader you say?? I'd eat that up (and so would Cooper, heh) but seriously I would read the hell out of that if you're up for it <3

Different Up Here

Cooper Howard x Fem!Reader, word count: 6.3k anon thank you lmao i had already started drafting this, so vault dweller reader isn't quite a virgin but they are definitely inexperienced and have never known pleasure like the kind that cooper can offer 🤎 request info • prompt list • send me a request • kofi • masterlist minors DNI!! 🔞 cw: power imbalance, dubious consent because once you've said yes to cooper you can't change your mind, overstimulation, crying, oral sex, fingering, instructional, full penetration babiessss i realised i never tag that shit but yeah it's in here lmao, cumming inside, no protection, sweet coop afterwards but only briefly

If anyone else had asked you in that moment how you were, you couldn't have answered accurately without any hint of sarcasm and irritation. You were being worn down, like buildings by the sands of the desert. Each little molecule of your optimism being torn away from you, painful like plucking a hair. But when Cooper asked you, you tried your best to push down your knee jerk response.

"Let's see, shall we? Since leaving the vault a month ago, bravely in search of resources and supplies for my friends, I have killed, maimed, and eaten things I hope to never think of again. I'm in a constant cycle of very, very stressed and then very, very bored where there is no happy medium between fearing for my life and wishing for death. And oh, by the way, I'm sweating buckets the whole time because it's deathly fucking warm. Thank you for asking, Cooper!"

Instead, you shrugged and offered him at least a partial truth.

"It sounds silly... but I'm kind of bored."

A dry chuckle passed over Cooper's lips.

"Heh, that's a new one for out here."

Sensing an opportunity to at least get some conversation out of him, you sat up on the rusty bed frame, your body sinking into the almost entirely flattened mattress as you crossed your legs and did your best to get Cooper to talk more than a sentence at a time.

"Really? I would have thought you'd be bored a lot, especially when there's no raiders, or mirelurks, or scavengers, or feral ghouls, or super mutants, or roving gangs of-"

"See, this is why I'm never bored. Always somethin' or someone to be killin'."

"But what about like... now? When there's nothing else to do. There's no magazines, no books, no TV."

You watched as Cooper turned from you with a slight smile. You knew the one, the familiar grin that meant you'd divulged some information about your life in the vaults, something he always found so amusing. It was your naivety, your optimism. He was endlessly fascinated by it, as though listening to you talk about it reminded him of something he had before.

That fascinated you. It made you want to stay around him, the way he listened silently as you talked about the old films that were on the holotapes, the food that was still fresh and available, the music you could hear whenever you wanted to, not reliant on some two-bit radio host. He paid attention to you. And any time his deep, brown eyes focused on your lips it made your heart flutter in an admittedly unexpected manner.

Remembering that feeling, you tried again, hoping that your next approach might be something that interested him a little more than just conversation.

"You know how we used to pass time in the vaults?"

Over the sound of the evening breezes that whipped up the sand you could still hear Cooper sigh before he spoke.

"Now if you tell me that you wanna go out there again tonight to find an old blast radius board... well I am just going to have to shoot you."

You laughed at what you hoped was a joke and waved him off, despite the fact that he was still turned away from you, unable to see your gesture as he tried ignoring you in what you assumed was the hope that you might shut up and leave him alone.

"No, no no no no no. Just..."

The lump in your throat felt like it was about to choke you, so you swallowed the clump of nerves quietly, your voice trembling as you finished your sentence.

"... fooling around... y'know?"

Cooper turned to face you. You had piqued his interest, and you couldn't help but show the giddy glee on your face, the smallest smile crossing your lips as your eyes widened. But his words wiped away all hope that you had garnered in that short span of time.

"Oh... oh darlin'."

He laughed a little, each little sound of the short, sharp giggle like a slap to the face.

"I don't think you're ready for that at all."

You raised an eyebrow, defiant, irritated, and keen to know how he thought he had you pegged so quickly. You'd never talked about anything like that with him before. Was he assuming that you were a virgin based on how you behaved around him alone? Maybe he figured that the lack of flirting on your part was down to a complete lack of experience, when in reality, it was because every flirtatious quip he threw your way made you so nervous and flustered you felt like you might throw up.

"How come I'm not ready? I mean, I've... I've done stuff... I've done it!"

"The fat you're not saying it how it is makes me think that you are absolut-"

"I've had sex, Cooper. I've fucked before. I've been fucked."

Blinking off the irritation at being interrupted by you, Cooper pushed up the brim of his hat and stared directly at you, as though he was examining your, to see if you would stand up for yourself any further.

"By who? One of your little buddies underground? Fucking like little bunnies? I don't think that qualifies you, sweetheart."

"Why? Sex is sex..."

You said it with such confidence. As if you really knew. As if you hadn't spent your teenage years practising on your hand, holding a pillow close, lining up for that one girl in the vault who would sell practice kisses for extra bubble-gum. You'd had sex before, of course. You weren't a liar. Just because you'd only ever done it once didn't render it nonfactual. Just because it had only lasted for all of four minutes. Just because you weren't sure you even orgasmed, and your friend had told you that you'd know if you'd orgasmed. Just because it was all over so quickly, and he'd run off before anyone could catch you both, avoiding you at every opportunity after that.

"... Isn't it?"

"Oh no it ain't. Besides, like I keep telling you, it's different up here. Everything's different up here. And that includes fuckin'."

The way he said the word, consonants enunciated with such grit and vigour, filled your stomach with knots that began to tighten as you considered in what way things were so different.

"What exactly do you mean by that?"

Cooper sighed, exasperated, resigning himself to the fact that you were going to keep talking to him regardless of his short replies and attempts to end the conversation.

"You are a dog with a bone, huh? Ain't gonna let it go."

His yellowed teeth were exposed as his lips pulled back in a baring, mischievous smile. Those knots doubled, the ends being pulled by tension in your nervous system as Cooper's smirk put you into a dazed stupor.

"No, sir."

"Now, I don't remember signing on to be your personal tutor in all things apocalypse. Do I really need to show you how everything works up here?"

As your cheeks began to blush, you nodded enthusiastically.

"Yes, sir."

You were hopeful for just a bit of a distraction. Something to help take the stress away. To relieve the tension that had been building up between you and Cooper as of late. You'd been studying him, watching the way he looked at you, fascinated by your perceived, and frankly obvious, innocence. The way his fingers moved, contributing to the skilful way he handled his gun and his ropes. The confidence, the charisma, the charms.

You wanted him, but you weren't quite sure how to broach the situation without it seeming desperate. But you were past that now. You were desperate For anything, just something. Something to cure the monotony of walking and hiding and fighting and surviving. You didn't want to just survive. You wanted to at least find a semblance of fun and pleasure in this nightmare you had found yourself in. And in the vaults, when board games and books and debates got boring, there was always fucking. That was what you desired most right now. The fact that Cooper happened to be the closest target for your desires was just a sweet miracle, or a cruel tease depending on how willing he was.

And luckily, he seemed agreeable.

"Well then, how about you come over here and let ol' Coop show you a little thing or two about how dirty you can really get up here in the mean, dusty Wasteland, hm?"

Your excitement was palpable, even though you were trying to keep your composure. There was no escaping the echo of the giddy squeal you let out as you jumped up from the bed and made your way over to Cooper. He waited in the far corner of the room, setting himself down on an old armchair as you stepped towards him, slapping his thighs as an indication of where he wanted you. And you did as you were told, following his instructions, knowing they hadn't led you astray so far in your time together.

It felt awkward at first, being so close to him. You shifted your weight nervously, trying to get comfortable while making sure Cooper was still at ease, which of course, he was. He always was. Nothing stirred him, he was forever at peace. Competent in any situation. Quick to adapt. And as you fidgeted and fussed, you felt his strong hands pushing you forward on his lap, until your chests were practically pressed together, his hands skirting over your lower back as he held you still. In command. In control. The sudden sensation of his hands on your body made your breath hitch, a soft, surprised squeal on the inhale that had Cooper raising his brow at you.

"Now... you agree that you asked for this, alright? Because I am not going to put my effort into entertaining your little whims if you're gonna get fussy and decide it's too much for you. I did warn you."

"Yes, you did, and I really don't think you needed to. I doubt there's too much different about it, and I've picked up what I needed to know pretty quickly from your other lessons, haven't I?"

Your retaliation to his insistence that you needed him to teach you everything, and that some things just might prove themselves a little too hard even for your levels of enthusiasm, had irritated him when he'd first met you. But now your optimism and sheer refusal to believe anything was too much for you were a source of entertainment for him. A challenge.

"That's fine then, darlin'. But I'll remember that."

His eyes bore into your soul, keeping your focus on him as he dared you to look away. They sparkled as he ran his tongue over his lips, the pretence of preparing for his next words covering the obvious flirtation in the way he dragged the flat muscle along his chapped skin.

"So, gimme a benchmark here, lil lady. How much foreplay was involved in your previous encounters? I'd hate to leave you high and dry."

"Foreplay...? What... uh, what is that?"

Cooper sighed, rolling his eyes before closing his eyelids over gently.

"Well, it's something like this."

He pushed a loose strand of hair back behind your ear, rough fingers following the curve and grazing over your neck as he let them drift down the front of your chest, tickling the exposed skin as far as your jumpsuit would allow before he took a hold of the zip at the front. A quick flit of his eyes up to you seemed to ask for permission, and your small, almost imperceptible nod, told him to keep going.

Slowly, painfully so, he pulled the zip down, watching as the centre of your torso was slowly revealed to him. Smooth skin, in comparison to his anyway, clear of any unnatural blemishes or war wounds. One calloused digit followed down your sternum to your stomach and back up, hooking under the left side of the fabric and pulling it over, then the other, exposing the top half of your body to him.

Cooper traced his fingertips over the top of your breasts, watching as your chest moved in and out, slowly, but exaggeratedly. The knots in your stomach felt like they might burst with the tension as his sharp, ragged nails crossed over your hardening nipples, a gentle tingle coursing through your veins.

"Well?"

"No... n-nothing like that... just grabbing..."

"Oh yeah? You like that? How about this?"

He closed two fingers around your nipple, one hand still on your back to keep you balanced as your body reacted to his touch. Between the two digits, you felt your nipples heating up, the slight, burning pain from the way he squeezed them sending a signal down your spine that seemed to affect every part of you. Tighter, tighter, and then as your eyes closed a little more, eyelids pressed tight, he would ease up to offer some relief.

"You like that? Like it rough?"

"I think... I think I like both."

"So, something like this?"

He teased your nipples once more, pressing harder with his fingertips, pulling them out and jiggling your breasts as he tugged at them, this lewder act interspersed with a gentle caress as he held your breast against the palm of his hand, carefully cupping it as he flicked his thumb over the sensitive and completely erect nipple.

You bit your lip, trying to keep quiet, Coop's hand moved swiftly from your body to your cheeks, popping the lip back out as he pressed his thumb and forefinger into your face. Understanding the message, and seemingly showing this in your wide-eyed gaze, he let his rough, leathery hand make its way back down to your breast, cupping it once more as he spoke.

"Different, see? Pleasure is hard to come by out here. You gotta do it right when you've got the chance."

Cooper leaned into your neck, whispering the words low and slowly, his dry, chapped lips skimming over your skin as he continued.

"I bet down there they didn't know the first thing about real pleasure. Takes time, something like that. You gotta learn the body, gotta make it feel good."

His teeth grazed over your shoulder and back up along your neck before he pulled back, watching your eyes refocus from the haze of arousal.

"Did they make you feel good?"

"No."

You were confident in that statement. It hadn't felt good. It felt rushed. Clumsy. Shameful. And as you pondered it, your mouth remained open in a slight pout which trembled as Cooper asked his next question.

"And what about your pretty lips... did they kiss them?"

"A little..."

Cooper leaned in, his rough lips pressing onto yours with firm contact, his tongue staying in place as though he imagined that might be a bit too much for you right now. But that same level of restraint didn't keep him from letting his teeth catch onto your bottom lip, pulling it out, only letting go when you winced in surprise as the suddenness of the action.

"Didn't bite them either. Of course not, what am I thinking? That would be a little too adventurous for your kind."

His face took on a darker tone as he smiled knowingly towards you.

“And what about these pretty lips?”

Before you could piece together the question, his hand was diving into your jumpsuit, pushing down the front and past the waist, stroking against the front of your underwear which, by now, was soaking wet with your arousal.

“They touch these lips, huh?”

You gasped as he pushed your underwear to the side, stroking his fingers along your slick, plump pussy lips, withdrawing them soon after to taste you on his tongue, the way you had watched him taste the blood of enemies, the blood of victims.

“Stand up, darlin’… Why don’t you take that suit off, hm? Get yourself comfy.”

As you raised yourself up from his hips, your legs wobbled under you, not quite steady enough to support you so soon after being reduced to jelly by Cooper’s touch, his caramelised words that filled your ears, the sharp twang of his accent, the delicate cadence, the power rumbling underneath like an almost silent bassline.

“Do it slowly though.”

Cooper watched carefully as you stood nervously before him, shuffling out of your suit, stripping for him, your hips moving from side to side slow and steady, unintentionally sultry in the way you moved. Without taking his eyes from you he reached for his canteen, taking a long sip from it as you let your suit fall down over your legs, stepping out of it and pushing it to the side with your feet.

“That’s it, darlin’. Can’t do this half-hearted. I need to have access to all of you there. Now come sit back down.”

You held your arms in front of you, feeling far too exposed for the shelter you’d found for the evening. No windows, no locks on the doors. But it was difficult to focus on that worry for too long as you watched Cooper’s tongue flit back out over his lips, clear strands of drool sparkling in the light as he took you in, hungrily, dreamily.

“Turn around though. You face that way.”

The metal buttons on the front of his duster coat were cold against the skin of your back, but you leaned into them anyway. Cooper’s hand curved around your neck and up under your chin, holding your face forward.

“You keep an eye out, holler if you see anything coming. I’ll do everything else.”

A faint clicking sound, the safety on his gun being flicked to off, before those same fingers draped over your mound and down on to your lips, spreading them apart, the cool air of the decrepit room cooling the heat of your hot, aching cunt. With two fingers holding your lips apart, he let the middle digit tap against your clit, each tiny sensation turning your blood cold before heating it exponentially, a cold sweat beginning to form on your brow as you felt a tingle in your abdomen.

The finger that tapped the sensitive bud began stroking it from side to side, laying flat against it length wise as Cooper strummed your body, still holding your chin in his hands, smiling to himself every time your back arched away from him in intense pleasure. Every nerve-ending was at his mercy. He was right, it was different up here. But you wondered how much of that was the Wasteland and it’s effect on sexuality and pleasure, and how much of it was just him. Cooper Howard, Wasteland bounty hunter, a past life he refused to talk about, the most charismatic monster you had ever met. His fingers, daintily crossing over your clit, as you felt his breath, silent except for an occasional hum of satisfaction in the form of a long moan. Maybe it was just Cooper who was different.

It was hard to focus on this new line of though as his hard fingertips clamped down on your clit, pinching it as he rolled it between his fingers. Even harder when he let his hand drop from your neck and instead began teasing at your nipples once more. Soft, cruel flicks over the hardened bumps, his fingers at work on your body, his lips kissing at the back of your neck. Moans growing louder, more frequent, as he let himself enjoy the act of making you squirm. You could tell he was having fun, as you rolled your hips back a little, feeling the thick bulge of his stiffening cock against your rear. You wondered how it might feel, how it might look, and what he could do differently with it.

“Cooper… Coop… I think I’m going to cum…”

His movements quickened, cock twitching against your body as he pinched tighter and pressed his fingers harder against your cunt.

“Don’t you dare, little lady.”

“Ok I’ll… I’ll try but… you have to… stop… please stop… Coop…”

He ignored your please, the whining, desperate begging as you tried to stop your body from the natural, encouraged reaction.

“Have some self-control, sweetheart.”

“Cooper, I really can’t… please… please stop touching me…”

“I absolutely will not.”

Your fingers dug into his thighs, but you noticed that you refused to move away from him. You wanted to do as he asked, wanted to hold yourself back from the brink of orgasm to prolong his touch, but you couldn’t risk him actually stopping, fearing that your body might crumble if his fingers left your quivering, pathetic body for only a second.

Each stroke against your increasingly wet and sensitive pussy had you trembling and shaking, and Cooper had to remove his hand from your breast to keep you steady, placing it under your chin and holding you steady by the neck.

“I am warning you, missy.”

“Cooper… I can’t stop…”

You shuddered and whined as your body gave in to the temptation, feeling a rush of heat and relief as you came on his lap, your arousal coating his pants, adding to the collection of stains and wear on them. But he didn’t stop then.

“No wait… seriously, Cooper… I can’t… I can’t take much more, honestly…”

“Listen, I told you. I said you better not cum. I wasn’t done with you yet.”

Your eyes began to sting with tears of exasperation as your body kept on pushing to its limits, conjuring up another wave of climax, tormenting you with never-ending bouts of arousal that kept you rutting against him, despite how painful it was to keep writhing into his body. You could feel your stomach knotting again, not much time between each orgasm to relax, and you dug your hands into his thighs, pushing your body up off of him as you tensed completely.

“Ok, this time, you do it on my command. You do it when I say you can, alright?”

“Cooper…”

“Don’t give me that pleading shit, you asked me to show you how things are done. Well this is how Cooper fuckin’ Howard does things. So are you ready? You gonna come for me?”

“C-coop… I’ll… I’ll try…”

“Good girl, now you keep that mouth making those whines and moans. I don’t need you to call out my name or anything, I know I’m all you’re thinking about.”

The praise, the self-confidence, the way his fingers seemed to be pulling your orgasm out, motioning for it to come closer to him.

“Come on, darlin’, come on…”

Your vision blurred as the climax came over you, body rolling and convulsing as you came once more at Cooper’s insistence, your cheeks stained with tears, salted water rolling through the layers of grime and clearing paths to your chin.

As you settled back down onto his lap with a shudder, you felt Cooper’s fingers stroking through your hair. He was surprisingly gentle, oddly calm, but you supposed that you deserved his kindness as you had done as he had asked, making up for your previous indiscretion. He was almost cooing, shushing you as you found your breath, establishing your sense of self once more after the overstimulating orgasm that shook your core.

“You seen enough of the big bad world for one day then?”

You probably had, but you still found yourself shaking your head, ignoring the way your body reacted with a violent twitch at the notion of Cooper’s hands delivering intense pleasure.

“A glutton for punishment, hm? Or just keen to learn?”

As you pondered your answer, Cooper seemed to have come to the conclusion for you, as he tapped your hips and began to shift underneath you.

“Alright then, get onto your knees.”

Positioning yourself at his feet, you couldn’t help but look up at him, catching his eyes as he looked down at you with that unique brand of disdain and intrigue he had somehow mastered. You knew what was coming, what was about to happen, and your mouth began watering at the thought. What he might taste like. What he might look like.

You didn’t have to imagine for long though, as you could see his fingers working the belt of his pants, loosening it, unzipping his fly, and gripping his semi-erect cock at the base as he took it out, brandishing it. He kept close attention on your own eyes, a soft sigh of relief imperceptibly escaping his chest as he noticed your pupils widen, your mouth opening in preparation for him.

It was exactly as you had expected. The texture of the shaft was similar to that of his cheeks and his forearms, a similar colouring, though darker at the base and on the shaft which was tinted red. Thick, purple tinged veins covered it, winding around the length, cutting across the ridges of the scars.

“You can come closer, darlin’. I don’t know what they told you about mutations and radiation effects down there in your little utopia, but I can assure you… it doesn’t bite.”

The fear was palpable, clearly, but it was nothing to do with Cooper’s body and everything to do with your lack of experience, which, despite you arguing otherwise, was becoming plainly obvious even to you. You had only ever touched a cock with your hands outside of being quickly fucked. Several times you’d been cajoled into quickly stroking an erection under the blankets before your partner ran off to the bathroom, clean and tidy, flushing away the sins. And you were very well aware that there was always the option to suck on one, but it had never presented itself. It had never seemed that appealing to you. Until you were faced with Cooper’s.

He hadn’t even asked you to do either yet, but you found yourself curious, salivating over the thought of him, mind racing as you imagined how he might feel against your tongue.

“Can I taste it… you?”

Cooper smiled warmly, one of the few times you had seen him look at you with genuine pride.

“Now that is using your initiative. Of course you can.”

You kept your hands to yourself as you leaned in towards his body, content to let Cooper wield his length at you, his hand firm around the base as you inched closer, tongue pressed out over your lips. A strand of drool collected and spilled forward, hitting the floor in a soft patter just before the tip of your tongue came into contact with the tip of his cock.

A lot of the movements were instinctual, following your desires more than what you thought might be protocol as you dragged your tongue up the shaft and swirled over the blushing head of his cock. It tasted bitter, but in a pleasant way.  Savoury, not sweet. Salted, a tang that stayed there for a few seconds after your tongue had moved on to another spot. A flavour you found yourself craving now.

Cooper gripped tighter and pushed forward, taking you by surprise as he slid himself into your mouth, his free hand moving to the back of your head, fingers curling into your hair. As the taste of him hit the back of your tongue, cock almost touching your throat, you coughed and spluttered a little.

“Fuck me, darlin’… do you need me to show you how to do this too?”

He looked down at you, filled with pity as he saw your face. Red cheeks, puffed out, lips stretched over the girth of his cock, tears welling up in your eyes as you struggled to breathe.

“Breath through your nose… breathe in…”

You followed his instructions, instantly calmed when you found your lungs filling with air once more. Almost immediately back to enjoying yourself, the feeling of Cooper inside of you, the control he had as he held your head against him.

“Now… you don’t want to choke too much, so keep your tongue flat… yeah, just like that…”

It was so much easier like that, and you could feel your cheeks getting warmer and redder as you realised that not only had you embarrassed yourself with your spluttering and lack of knowledge, but that Cooper had clearly done this a lot.

“And your teeth… well, usually they’ll tell you to keep ‘em outta the way, but you know me… gotta be different…”

Taking the hint, you let your jaw close slightly, the pain of the stretch lessened, your teeth scraping along the top of his shaft as your tongue worked the underneath, sucking and rolling as much as you could while keeping it flat.

He didn’t say much else, and you couldn’t tell if he was particularly enjoying himself. It worried you, the fact that he had specific preferences, the way it was so clear how much more experienced he was than you. How many others had there been? And were they all better than you? As your mind wandered to your anxieties, you completely missed the fact that you had begun to drool all over yourself until Cooper relaxed his grip on your head and wiped at your chin with his thumb. Catching your eyes and sensing some of your worries, he was surprisingly quick to soothe you.

“You can swallow or spit or let it all spill out, I don’t mind makin’ a mess darlin’. But whatever you’re doing, you keep that up.”

You were so pathetically grateful for the encouragement, for the tiniest semblance of praise, that you felt yourself moaning involuntarily. The soothing motion of sucking on his cock, the taste of something new, the comforting knowledge that he was happy with your efforts. You could feel your clit throbbing, aroused by Cooper’s satisfaction, how pleased he was with the way you worked him over.

Which is why it surprised you so much when he pulled his cock from your mouth, your lips slipping off of it with a disgustingly lewd popping sound, drool spilling onto your chin in long strands which stretched from your lips to his cock and tore apart as he distanced himself from you.

And again, that sympathetic gaze, the way he could tell what you were thinking before you even said it.

“Oh, don’t you look at me with those big, sad eyes. You got nothin’ to worry about, sweetheart. That was good, ‘specially for a first try…”

He winked to you as he spoke, causing your heart to skip enough beats that you thought you might die there and then.

“… It’s just that I’m all slicked up and ready to go now… so you wanna bend over for me? Or do you wanna come sit on my lap?”

“Uh… lap, please… I was kinda bent over for the last… first time.”

“Well, you come and take a seat then, darlin’, let ol’ Coop show you something new.”

You nervously settled your entirely nude body back down onto his thighs. Cooper’s hands were gentle against your shoulders as he pulled you backwards with him, leaning at a slight angle in the chair, his cock rigid and firm as it sat against your waiting cunt, coated in your drool which almost seemed to shimmer with the dancing light of the fire.

Then, so carefully, so gently, far more than you’d ever seen him be before, Cooper took hold of his cock at the base and slid it inside of you, one hand on your stomach as he braced you, keeping your body steady as he inserted himself further and further between your clenching walls.

“Bigger than before?”

You nodded, biting your lip as you felt the distinct stretch, his rough, textured cock forcing its way inside your cunt, pressed up to the hilt, testing your limits.

“Better?”

“Mhm…”

“Speak up, darlin’.”

With your voice strained and breathy, you managed to form some words.

“Yes… it’s better.”

“That’s it, good girl. Now, I’m gonna buck my hips, ok? You just try and keep your balance.”

Below you, Cooper shifted a little, his hips rolling backwards, inches of his cock escaping your tight, aching cunt, before he rolled them forwards and upwards, back into you. A slow, steady pace that he focused on keeping until you felt warmer, more relaxed.

“You got this, it’s like riding a horse.”

“I’ve never… hm… ridden a horse…”

Cooper chuckled, a low and rasping sound that sent shivers over your skin and seemed close enough to you that it was coming from inside of your body.

“Never ridden a ghoul before either, but you’re handling it alright for a first timer.”

You were coping ok, you had to admit, but you could feel your stomach muscles tensing, the knots back in full force as they tensed and tightened, loosened and frayed with each pump of his cock within you.

“Ah… Cooper…”

“Too much, darlin’? Does it hurt?”

There was a sense of genuine care in his tone, as though he had taken it upon himself to show you that yes, things were different up there in the Wasteland, but that didn’t always mean they were worse. Some things were good, if not a little bit difficult to take at first.

“A little…”

Cooper tilted your chin up, forcing your head to lean back completely against his shoulder. In a delicate move, one far more romantic than you imagined from him, he ran his thumb over your lips, angling his neck to look at them, his own mouth open ever so slightly, a monotonous panting as he kept his hips moving, increasing the speed and the force at which he entered you.

His eyes flicked up suddenly, looking into yours, catching your gaze and holding unblinking eye contact as he spoke.

“I know… I know… Just a little longer, though…”

He closed his eyes, focusing on the feeling of his cock pushing against your body, enveloped in your hot, wet, velvety interior.

“I know it hurts… but I ain’t stopping, so don’t even ask… here…”

You watched as he brought a finger to your lips, offering it up to you.

“…you bite down on that if it gets too much, ok… but don’t hold back on those sweet sounds… I wanna hear you scream.”

With that vaguely threatening remark, he thrust up into you, banging against your body, spurring on your orgasm but unleashing a dull ache that spread through every sensitive part of you.

“Won’t… be long… keep it together… good girl…  good girl…”

It felt good, the pain, the sting, the ache, the shivers. The fact that he was using you, finding pleasure in you. All of it culminating in Cooper’s nearing orgasm which you could sense was closing in on him. His movements were becoming more frantic, sloppier, and he was mouthing all manner of sweet nothings as he let his façade slip away.

And those soft mumbles opened up into a wide roar as he clung to your body, the hand on your neck cutting off the air to your lungs only briefly, one hand on your lap pressing sharp indents into your skin as he forced himself into you. The last few moments of his fevered thrusting, fucking you wildly, drool pooling in the corner of his mouth as he rutted into you in a dazed stupor before his body gave in. His cock throbbed, each pulse sending another rope of cum against your insides, filling you with his seed as he shuddered finally, slinking backwards into the chair and taking in a deep breath as you removed yourself from him.

You’d only managed to take a few steps forward before Cooper addressed you, opening his eyes to watch you standing there awkwardly, his cum dripping down your thighs, a warmth that quickly turned cool in the air of the room.

“Did I say you could get up?”

Panic settled in your chest, aware that you had waited until you felt his muscles relax, his body retreating from you, before you slid off his cock, expecting him to push you away anyway, like your first time. You assumed he was finished, and you weren’t sure you were ready for the idea that he might not be done with you.

“Are we… oh, Cooper, I really can’t take anymore.”

Even as you stood, you could feel your legs shaking, weakened by the intense orgasms, the way they tightened against his every movement.

“That’s different up here too then, I suppose.”

Cooper stood up from the chair, pacing towards you with a purposeful stride as he pushed his cock back into his pants, zipping them up as he reached you. You inhaled sharply as he placed his hand at the back of your head, those knots in your stomach beginning to form again, worried that a further, albeit pleasurable punishment was on the cards. But you were surprised as he slid his free hand around your back, tugging at your waist as he pulled you in close to him. A quick smile before his lips were on yours, the brim of his hat pushed upwards as he leaned into the kiss. Warm, gentle, the kind of kiss you’d seen in movies. Practised and confident, meaningful, sincere.

When he pulled back, your body following him a little before you settled back onto your feet, he smiled warmly.

“Sweet with the sour, darlin’. You gotta keep ‘em wanting more.”

“M-more?”

More as in now? Or more as in the idea that Cooper had enjoyed himself and would be willing to offer that kind of pleasure to you again. And he answered with a wink.

“Definitely. There’s a still a lot you’ve got to learn.”

[diwatopia]

★ cruel ; neteyam

synopsis. as of recently, neteyam's been slipping away. attempting to get to the bottom of his negligence towards you, he spews harsh words that begin to form cracks within your relationship. will neteyam be able to fix this despite being the cause of your pain?

info. angst / no comfort, gn!na'vi!reader, 1135 words

warnings. arguing, yelling, outta pocket teyam (boo 🍅), one use of y/n, crying, grammatical errors, based off "queen elizabeth" fight scene :P

neteyam has been distant.

physically, he's there, but mentally — he's lightyears away from you.

it hasn't always been like this though. during the beginning of your courtship, neteyam was nothing short of attentive and caring. he was everything you wanted in a lover but as of recently, he slowly began drifting away from you. at this point, he's been more of an acquaintance than a mate.

and if you were being honest, you couldn't help but find the situation slightly comical. your mind fills itself to the brim with memories of falling so deeply in love with one another, but now — now, he's just gone.

"you never have to hide from me," he told you.

his words were doused in honey, every single insecurity that plague your mind began melting away. he wanted to know the real you. not the village's tskarem, not the "golden child" title that the elders bestowed upon you.

he wanted to know you.

he wanted to drown himself in your scent, burn the feeling of your body next to his, he wanted to know the ins and outs of your soul.

"i am just neteyam when we are together. not the clan's future olo'ekytan, not the successor of my father. i am simple and plain neteyam."

the memory brings the smallest of smiles to your lips, yet it does nothing to ease the surge of loneliness that consumes you, your heart. it keeps you up at night, eyes wide open as you replay everything that had let up to this point of your relationship. you were beyond tired having to play this game with him, so you decided to bite the bullet and ask him.

"neteyam are you here — oh, kiri!" you speak out, sending her a sweet smile her way. she returns the gesture, "hi, y/n! he's near the shooting range." she states simply, going back to her weaving.

you thank her before scurrying away. luckily, he wasn't too far and you were able to catch up with him. your hands nervously tremble, wringing themselves out in hopes to stop the shakiness. your strides are slow, but with a few encouraging words, you will yourself to walk up to him.

as if on cue, he turns around and catches you staring. his eyes catch you off guard, sunflower-hued orbs swirling with something you can't seem to put your finger on.

"hey..." you say, tone unsure. the sunlight sparkles, flashing through tiny openings of leaves as they sway in the wind. the mossy floor quiets your footsteps as you get closer, standing next to him wordlessly.

he parrots your greeting before going back to his previous task. he draws his bow, eyeing the target that stares back at him. "have you been well?" you ask hopefully. he shrugs, muttering something about being busy and that he's fine. your lips purse at the lack of communication on his end.

"okay, stop. what is wrong with you?" you ask sternly. your eyebrows scrunch in displeasure, subtly creating space between you and him by taking a step sideways. he looks back at you, surprised at the sudden fierceness to your voice.

he sends you a quizzical look as if he genuinely had no clue what you were hinting at, "i do not know what you are talking about." he states it as if it were a fact.

you roll your eyes at his deflection, crossing your arms irritably. "do not play this game with me," you scoff, sounding like a parent scolding their child. neteyam's eyes downcast shamefully towards the bow in his hands, the seriousness of the situation beginning to crash down on him.

"look, i know you have been having a hard time with your duties, but 'teyam, i'm here for you. there is no need to run away from me, from us —"

"there is no 'us'," he cuts you off, not sparing you a single glance. "there is nothing here. you have absolutely no knowledge of what it takes, what is thrust upon me as the next olo'ekytan. i am forced to love you, a simple clans person who does not contribute a single thing to this village," he grunts out, nostrils flaring in irritation.

"yes, i have my duties but i will not be forced to go through yet another day where you think we are true lovers. so back off." his voice grows angrier with each word. his words resemble a whip, every word that tumbles past his lips begins to hit you again, and again, and again. his breath gets caught in his throat as his face flushes a darker plum color.

your jaw drops slightly, an instant gasp leaving your lips. the tiny noise knocks neteyam out of his defensive state and with every passing second, regret begins to consume him whole.

both of you stay silent for second, just staring at each other in search of how to respond, to no avail. he watches your face morph into one that is more closed off, walls building themselves high as you straighten out your posture before responding.

"my mistake," you swallow thickly, voice almost mocking him in a sense. "i apologize for thinking there was an us. i thought i was speaking to just neteyam, not the chief's son. forgive me for thinking otherwise." your tone is monotonous, gaze meeting his in an intense staring match.

his brows drop, eyes widening as his frown begins to grow deeper. "y/n..." he tries to take a step closer to you, in return you take a step back. you cut off his advances before they can even start. "i am truly sorry for the fact that our entire relationship was a mere inconvenience for you."

neteyam hisses as if you had slapped him across his face, and after everything he had just spilt, he wouldn't be surprised if you actually did so. but there you stand, the sparkle in your eyes dimming. his mouth open and closes, trying to muster up enough words to form a proper sentence. and to rub salt into his freshly cut wound, "was there anything else the chief's son needed to say to me or am i free to leave?" you ask calmly, eyes never leaving his.

his hands twitch nervously, biting the inside of his cheek as he contemplates his next move. "there's nothing else to say on this matter," he mutters.

you nod affirmatively before turning your back towards him. as you begin walking away, neteyam's hands instinctively reach for you, calling your name desperately as the space between you and him grows bigger.

he knew he had messed up, big time.

"that's enough, neteyam." your voice stern, pointing an accusatory finger his way. he continues to watch your retreating form, heart willing him to run after you, yet his brain forces his body to remain deathly still.

⋆ ˚｡ ୨୧ reblogs / feedback are highly appreciated. thank you!

★ diwa's notes. i always write fluff n shit so i decided to change that LOL there might b a pt 2, not sure tho :P

© ilupearls 2023.

[bitchiswild]

20th Century Girl

Rosé x F! Reader

Warnings: if you know you know.

Word Count: 10k

A/n: 20th century girl but Rosé version

Requested

𓇢𓆸

"Jennie, isn't that just your heart condition?" I gently teased, knowing her heart condition often played tricks on her. She chuckled softly, her eyes reflecting a mix of amusement and a hint of embarrassment. "I mean, it's the reason you're going to the States for your surgery, right?" I continued, hoping to lighten the moment with a touch of humor.

She nodded, acknowledging the truth in my words. "Yeah, yeah, I know," she replied, waving off my comment with a smile. "But seriously, this girl, she's different. It's not just my heart acting up this time."

I raised an eyebrow, recalling her similar excitement over an animated character not long ago. "Come on, Jennie," I teased, nudging her playfully. "Remember when you went on and on about that animated character stealing your heart?"

She blushed, laughing at the memory. "Okay, okay, fine. But this time, it's real, I swear!" Her expression turned earnest as she explained, "There's something about her, the way she smiles, the way she talks... I don't know, it's like she lights up the room whenever she's around."

I couldn't help but smile at her enthusiasm. Despite her playful crushes and her health challenges, Jennie always managed to find something or someone to bring joy into her life. "Well, if she makes your heart beat faster in a good way, then maybe she's worth the butterflies," I said, giving her a supportive nod.

We both knew that Jennie's upcoming surgery was a big deal, and her positive attitude towards life was admirable. If this girl at her mom's shop could bring even a moment of happiness amidst the impending surgery, then maybe she was indeed something special.

Jennie's plea caught me off guard. Her urgency and earnestness were impossible to ignore. Gripping my shoulders with a mix of desperation and excitement, she pleaded, "Rosie! She goes to our school, I need your help to get as much detail on her as you can. While I'm in New York, send me updates on her, email me everything, mail me pictures—just get me those information while I'm overseas."

Her intensity made it clear this wasn't just a passing crush. "Okay, while you're overseas, I'll gather as much info on her as I can," I assured her, feeling the weight of her trust and friendship. I'd do anything for Jennie, especially if it meant bringing her some happiness, even if she was miles away.

"Thank you! Her name is Lisa Manoban, it was on the blazer she was wearing. Find her and get me those information," she said, her tone resolute and determined.

I couldn't help but chuckle at her determination. "Okay, okay, now go pack. Your flight is tomorrow," I urged gently, trying to steer her focus back to the impending trip. Jennie's squeal of excitement filled the room as she hurriedly packed for her journey to the States for her heart surgery.

The contrast between her urgency to know more about Lisa Manoban and her excitement for the surgery was both amusing and heartwarming. Jennie's determination to find out more about this girl before her surgery showcased the depths of her emotions and her unwavering spirit. As she packed, her excitement for both the unknown of the surgery and the possibility of uncovering details about Lisa fueled her energy, making her radiate an unusual mix of nerves and joy.

Rushing out of my house in a frenzy, I barely caught a word of my mom's breakfast suggestion before bolting towards the bus stop. As I dashed, the familiar sight of the bus pulling away sent me into a panicked sprint. "Wait! Wait! Mr. bus driver, wait!" I hollered, desperately trying to catch his attention. Miraculously, the bus halted, allowing me to clamber aboard.

Breathless and flustered, I made my way toward the back, my attempt to secure a seat interrupted by the driver's sudden acceleration. Before I could grab onto anything, I found myself stumbling, careening directly into someone's lap. Mortified, I scrambled up, apologizing profusely. But before I could regain my balance, the driver took off again, causing a repeat of my embarrassing tumble onto the same person's lap.

"Hey! Can you slow down?!" I shouted, frustration seeping into my voice, aimed at the determined driver. Just then, the girl whose lap I kept falling into offered her seat. Grateful and slightly flustered, I accepted, taking a moment to glance up and finally catch her name on the tag—Lisa Manoban.

A smirk tugged at the corners of my lips as realization dawned. "I have found you," I thought to myself, a mix of astonishment and determination flooding through me. Here she was, the very person Jennie had been so fervently seeking details about, sitting right in front of me on the bus.

As I settled into the seat Lisa offered, my mind raced with possibilities. Jennie's request suddenly felt more real and pressing than ever. I had stumbled upon the key to unlocking information about Lisa, and it seemed the universe had conspired to bring us together in this unexpected moment. With a sense of excitement tinged with nerves, I prepared myself for the mission Jennie had entrusted to me.

With determination, I attempted to get closer to Y/n, Lisa's best friend, hoping to gather more intel for Jennie. Armed with my trusty notebook, I initiated my quest for information. "Favorite song?" I inquired, pen poised to capture every detail.

"Love Wave to Earth," Y/n responded, still engrossed in her camcorder, seemingly capturing every passing moment.

"College major?" I prodded further, eager to delve deeper into the specifics.

"Theater and film," came Y/n's swift reply, her attention still divided between me and the camera.

My thoughts wandered as I scribbled down notes. "Ah, so she wants to be famous. She does have the face for it," I mused aloud, jotting down the information.

Y/n's response caught me off guard. "No, I just like cameras," she clarified, her focus now solely on me.

I halted mid-writing, staring at her in disbelief, then let out an exasperated sigh. "Hey! This isn't about you! I'm asking about Lisa! Ugh, now we've got to start over," I scolded, slapping her arm in frustration before flipping to a fresh page in my notebook.

Rolling my eyes, I refocused, determined to extract the right details about Lisa this time around.

The arcade buzzed with excitement until chaos erupted unexpectedly. A sudden shout about a fight sent everyone scrambling out, curiosity getting the better of us. As we reached the scene, there stood Lisa, restrained by another girl gripping her shirt fiercely.

"You messed with the wrong girl, don't talk to my girl," the agitated girl spat out, her anger palpable.

"Kate, stop! I was the one who started it, okay? You know you're embarrassing me right now?"Kate’s girlfriend intervened, attempting to defuse the escalating situation.

Lisa, composed despite the tension, calmly placed her hand on her girlfriend's shoulder. "It's okay, I'm sorry. But there are so many people other than this girl right here. Just date better girls," she said gently before turning to walk away.

Kate's fury intensified. "What the hell did you say?" she yelled after Lisa, her anger boiling over. Lisa, undeterred, continued walking, seemingly unbothered by the brewing conflict.

But the situation escalated further as Kate grabbed a bottle, poised to strike Lisa. Reacting instinctively, I rushed in, kicking the bottle out of her hand, causing it to shatter against the wall. Kate's friends, fueled by anger, lunged forward, ready to retaliate.

Y/n, quick on her feet, grabbed nearby soda cans, using them as a makeshift deterrent. Despite her efforts, their aggression didn't wane. We knew it was time to leave, so we hurriedly made our escape, running from the escalating confrontation.

The adrenaline and chaos left us breathless as we fled the scene, grateful to have avoided any serious altercation. The unexpected turn of events at the arcade added an unexpected edge to our day of fun, leaving us reeling from the adrenaline rush and thankful to have avoided further trouble.

Adrenaline still pumping, I couldn't contain my frustration at Lisa's seeming disregard for her safety. "Hey! Are you insane?! You need to be careful or you'll get yourself killed!" I yelled, my worry for her safety fueling my outburst.

Y/n, always the caring one, intervened with concern in her voice. "Are you okay?" she asked, her gaze shifting down towards my feet. Following her glance, I noticed a bruise forming on my ankle, a stark reminder of the chaos we'd just escaped.

I let out a resigned sigh, realizing I'd need to get it checked out at the hospital. The day had taken an unexpected turn from a fun arcade outing to a chaotic mess, and now, a potential trip to the hospital was looming over us. As annoyed as I was about the situation, my concern for both Lisa's recklessness and my own injury weighed heavily on my mind.

The day took an unexpected turn when Lisa pulled up on her motorcycle, interrupting our plans. Amidst my friends' giggles and playful nudges, I found myself reluctantly getting on the bike with her. Unfortunately, our ride was short-lived as the motorcycle sputtered and died, leaving us stranded. Lisa had to call for a truck to pick us up, causing me to miss my broadcasting commitment.

As we traveled back, my stomach growled loudly, betraying my hunger. Lisa suggested grabbing a bite to eat, and we ended up at a restaurant where, to my surprise, Y/n was working. Lisa apologized for making Y/n wait and guided me to a table. Guilt washed over me for inconveniencing Y/n, who had been patiently waiting for us.

We ordered food, and I dove into the meal voraciously while Lisa watched me with a smile. Mid-bite, her unexpected declaration stunned me into silence. "Let's date," she said with a serene confidence that left me speechless. ‘This wasn't part of the plan.’ "You think I'm great? No, no, you can't think that!" I panicked, spilling out a stream of self-deprecating ramblings about my habits and quirks.

Realizing how much I had revealed, embarrassment washed over me, and I abruptly stood up, apologizing before hastily leaving, forgetting my crutch in the rush. My mind raced with confusion and panic, leaving me grappling with the unexpected and overwhelming situation as I hurriedly made my exit.

Sitting at the park, the realization struck that I had left my crutches behind in the whirlwind of the restaurant encounter. Unexpectedly, Y/n appeared, rushing towards me with the crutches in hand. She handed them to me and then, in a kind gesture, assisted in tending to my ankle.

Her question about Lisa caught me off guard. "I thought you had a crush on Lisa?" she inquired, her curiosity evident in her expression.

"No, I don't... just interested," I responded, trying to clarify the distinction in my mind.

"Isn't that the same thing?" Y/n pressed further, seeking clarification.

"It's not the same. It's totally different. It's not liking," I insisted, struggling to articulate the nuanced difference.

Y/n's next question took me by surprise. "Then what is liking?" As she glanced up at me, her face illuminated by the soft light, I felt my heart quicken its pace. Her genuine curiosity seemed to stir something within me, leaving me momentarily breathless.

After wrapping my ankle, Y/n advised, "You're all good. Try standing up. Next time, fight with your fists. Good night, Chaeyoung," she said with a cute smile before leaving, leaving me standing there, stunned and processing the significance of our moment together.

Her departure left me with a mix of emotions swirling inside me. Y/n's presence had a way of stirring something deeper within me, leaving me contemplating the subtleties of our connection and the impact of our interactions.

The school trip was underway, and amidst the picture-taking, a vendor's enthusiastic shouts about heart-healthy drinks caught my attention. Intrigued, I approached him, intending to buy one. However, as I fumbled for money, I realized I was short on cash. Just as I turned to ask my friends for help, Lisa stepped in and paid for the drink without hesitation.

As the vendor handed me the drink, Lisa's teasing words caught me off guard. "When we start dating, are you going to let me hear you sing with your farts?" The crowd's noise faded away, my heart racing at her unexpected comment.

Reacting impulsively, I yanked her away from the crowd, frustration and embarrassment fueling my reaction. "Are you insane?! In front of everyone?!" I admonished her, trying to contain my emotions.

But her response only added to my confusion. "You asked for my pager; only my family knows my pager. You also said you'd love me to death," she retorted, her words creating more chaos in my mind.

"You think I'm in love with you? I don't even know what you're talking about! Now give me back my juice!" I demanded, trying to retrieve the drink as our conversation spiraled into an unexpected and bewildering exchange. The situation had escalated so quickly, leaving me reeling from the unexpected turn of events and Lisa's puzzling remarks.

The conversation with Lisa had taken an unexpected turn, and her question lingered in the air. "So we're not dating?" she asked, her tone edged with uncertainty.

My head shook almost instinctively, trying to dispel the confusion and frustration clouding my thoughts. "God, you're driving me nuts. We are only classmates. Okay? Classmates!" I clarified, hoping to put an end to any misinterpretation.

"Okay, we can be classmates," she replied in a teasing tone, her response laced with a hint of mischief. Despite my attempt to assert boundaries, Lisa's playful response hinted at her continued willingness to dance around the idea, leaving me with a mix of exasperation and amusement at her persistence. The dynamic between us seemed to hover between confusion and playful banter, making it increasingly challenging to decipher the true nature of our interactions.

The girls had smuggled alcohol on the school trip, hidden from the vigilant eyes of the teachers. When bedtime arrived, we pretended to be asleep as the teacher made his rounds to check on us. Eventually, when the coast was clear, we seized the opportunity to gather our bags and retrieve the concealed alcohol.

Discontent murmurs about the acquired drinks circulated among us. "This sucks," one girl complained about the taste, echoed by another's comment about its bitterness. Then, my friend Jisoo proposed using the juice I had bought earlier.

"No, it's for my parents," I hesitated, unwilling to sacrifice the gift intended for my family.

"It's okay, we'll just buy another one if anything," another girl reassured me, rationalizing the substitution.

Despite my initial reluctance, Jisoo took the bottle and decided to mix it with the other drinks. To my surprise, the concoction turned out surprisingly good, and soon, we found ourselves immersed in the night, enjoying the blended drink and the camaraderie it fostered among us. As we laughed and shared stories, the evening unfolded into an unexpected and memorable moment, fueled by the spirit of friendship and shared adventures.

The haze of alcohol clouded our judgment, and our plans to continue drinking hit a snag when someone from the top floor snatched our bag of drinks. Frustration surged through me, amplified by the intoxication. "Hey! Those are ours!" I shouted at the culprits from upstairs, my anger bubbling to the surface.

"Thanks for the drinks!" they jeered back, taunting us as they took off with our bag.

Enraged and fueled by alcohol-induced bravado, I stormed off to confront them and reclaim our drinks. "Chaeyoung, it's okay," Jisoo tried to calm me down, but my determination overshadowed any attempts to dissuade me.

"No, it's not okay. I'm getting our drinks back," I slurred, my flushed face and muddled words evidence of the effects of the alcohol. Despite my inebriated state, I was resolute and driven to retrieve what was rightfully ours, fueled by a mix of indignation and determination.

As I banged on the door, frustration boiling over, I couldn't help but demand, "Open up! I know you're in there!" My voice carried through the corridor, disregarding Jisoo's worried pleas to keep quiet and how its the wrong room. "Hey! Open the door!" I continued, my determination overshadowing any caution.

When Y/n appeared behind the door, her presence struck me even through the alcohol haze. "Chaeyoung?" she questioned, her confusion evident as I stood there, caught in a daze, mesmerized by her ethereal beauty, even in her casual attire.

Jisoo's urgent warnings about the approaching teacher pierced through my foggy mind. "Chaeyoung! The teacher is coming!" she shouted in a panicked whisper before closing the door abruptly, leaving me locked out and still lost in the moment with Y/n.

Amidst the chaos, Y/n acted quickly, dragging me to a nearby linen closet to hide from the teacher. However, my mind remained fixated on Y/n's presence, even as the teacher's voice echoed down the hallway, demanding answers that he wouldn't find, leaving me concealed in the closet, my thoughts lingering on the unexpected encounter with Y/n.

The tense moment lingered as Y/n and I stood face to face. In that fleeting instant, every feature of hers seemed to radiate with an unmatched beauty. Her nose, her eyes, her lips—everything about her exuded a captivating allure that was hard to ignore. Even as the teacher walked away, our gaze remained locked, a silent admiration passing between us.

"Are you drunk?" Her whisper barely reached my ears amidst the haze that clouded my mind. I remained in a daze, lost in the spell of the moment. My hand moved instinctively, cupping her face gently as I struggled to articulate the whirlwind of emotions flooding through me.

"This isn't good. I—I think I'm starting to like you," I confessed in a hushed tone, the weight of my admission hanging in the air. Overwhelmed by the mixture of feelings and the influence of the alcohol, I groaned softly, burying my face against her chest, seeking solace in the sudden rush of emotions that had overtaken me. The unexpected confession left me vulnerable, grappling with the magnitude of what I had just revealed in my intoxicated state.

The morning after our night of excessive drinking left everyone feeling the weight of their hangovers, myself included. I woke up with no recollection of the previous night's events, a haze clouding my memory. The teacher's announcement that we were tasked with cleaning the beach elicited groans from everyone, but we complied nonetheless.

While collecting trash near a large rock, I found my gaze drawn to Y/n, capturing the beauty of the water through her lens. The way she focused on the details around her never failed to captivate me. Her simple actions had a way of making my heart skip a beat.

Lost in observing Y/n, I was startled by Lisa's sudden appearance behind me. "Hi, classmate!" she greeted me teasingly, her presence pulling me from my reverie. Irritated by her interruption, I groaned in response, wishing for a moment of peace.

Lisa, ever perceptive, caught on to where my attention had been directed. "You like Y/n, no wonder why you classmate-zoned me," she remarked, raising her eyebrows in a teasing manner, playfully alluding to my apparent preference for Y/n's company over hers. Her teasing jab left me flustered, caught between annoyance and an internal struggle to navigate the complexities of my feelings.

It seemed like Lisa had orchestrated the moment to take a picture with Y/n and me. As she shouted to get Y/n's attention, guiding me towards her, my heart skipped a beat when Y/n smiled at me with her captivating smile. Wanting to express my gratitude, I mentioned, "Thanks for the drink earlier."

"Not a problem," she replied kindly, setting up the camera while instructing us to adjust our positions. Following her directions, I moved slightly to the left, but when Lisa encroached on my personal space, I instinctively nudged her away. "Back off," I retorted, feeling protective of my comfort zone.

Rolling her eyes at my response, Lisa complied, and Y/n, after setting the timer, swiftly joined us. As we posed for the picture, ready with peace signs, Lisa once again encroached on my space, causing me to gasp in surprise just as the camera captured the moment.

I made a mental note to send the photo to Jennie once we returned home. Surprisingly, after this trip, Lisa, Y/n, and I had grown closer, perhaps due to the shared experiences and moments we had during our time together.

Working at my father's store became a routine, a familiar space where I often found solace. But one day, my mundane routine was interrupted by Y/n's unexpected appearance. With a joyful expression, she ran up to me, sharing her news about landing a job across from my father's store. Her excitement was palpable, but I tried to mask my own delight at the prospect of seeing her more often.

Every day became an opportunity to steal glances at Y/n as she worked. I'd catch her looking over at me whenever she could, and those stolen moments felt like a treasure. Her presence was captivating, and seeing her in her work uniform only added to her charm. She was undeniably cute, and her effortless grace made every mundane task seem like a scene from a film.

I tried my best not to reveal my growing crush on her, but every stolen glance, every accidental meeting of our eyes, only deepened my admiration for her. The prospect of being in close proximity, seeing her every day, brought a mix of excitement and nervousness that I kept hidden beneath a calm exterior. Yet, inside, my heart raced with the anticipation of the moments we would share across the stores.

Sending updates about Lisa to Jennie became a consistent part of my routine, a way to keep her in the loop despite the distance between us. The anticipation of her return grew day by day, as I longed for her presence, missing our moments together. I yearned to share everything that had unfolded, especially my newfound crush on Y/n, but I held back, choosing to wait until Jennie was back.

The ache of missing my best friend lingered, and while the temptation to confide in her about Y/n was strong, I decided to keep it to myself for the time being. It felt like a weighty secret, something precious that I wanted to share only when Jennie was physically there, so we could talk face to face. There was an unspoken understanding between us, and I wanted to wait for that moment to unfold naturally.

In the meantime, the updates I sent about Lisa were my way of keeping Jennie involved in the happenings of our lives. I hoped that when Jennie returned, we could catch up on everything together, including the new feelings that had emerged. The anticipation of her homecoming and the prospect of sharing these personal revelations with her made each passing day feel like an eternity, but I held on to the excitement of our eventual reunion.

The night had settled in, and the streets grew quiet as the stores closed. In an attempt to catch Y/n's attention, I coerced my sister into playing badminton with me, and it worked like a charm. Y/n joined us, bearing ice cream, and the three of us sat on a bench in front of my store, enjoying the sweet treat. But my sister's presence inadvertently obstructed my attempts to spend time alone with my crush, so I gently urged her to head back inside.

Y/n chuckled at the situation, questioning, "What's wrong with her wanting to eat more ice cream?" I explained with a smile, "If you have little siblings, you'll understand."

"I do," she replied, her smile carrying a hint of understanding. Surprised, I expressed my desire to meet her siblings someday. "Really? I want to meet them one day," I said, filled with curiosity.

"That makes two of us," Y/n replied, her expression hinting at a deeper sentiment. Suddenly, her tone shifted, revealing a heartfelt confession. "My little brother is in New Zealand. When our parents split up, Mom kept him there while Dad kept me in Seoul."

Her revelation left me staring at her with empathy, understanding the weight of her words. Before I could respond, Y/n changed the subject, asking if I liked fruit and motioning for me to follow her. Intrigued and slightly puzzled, I stood up and followed her lead as she guided us towards a nearby home, curiosity piqued about what she had in mind.

Arriving at the plum tree, I was awestruck by its grandeur, adorned with an abundance of ripe fruit. I couldn't contain my excitement and dashed towards the tree, eager to savor as many plums as possible. As I indulged, relishing the fruit, Y/n took out her camera, capturing the moment, recording my enthusiasm.

Sitting on a nearby bench, we engaged in conversation, sharing stories and laughter. In a moment of connection, our gaze lingered, and there was a subtle shift as Y/n began to lean closer. Feeling a surge of anticipation, I was about to close the gap between us when suddenly, a plum fell from the tree and landed squarely on my head.

The unexpected interruption startled both of us, and instead of a tender moment, we found ourselves bursting into fits of laughter. The absurdity of the situation, coupled with the sheer randomness of a plum interrupting a potentially tender moment, broke the tension, and we couldn't help but share a genuine, lighthearted moment together. The laughter echoed under the plum tree, turning what could have been a moment of closeness into a memory filled with shared amusement.

The walk home with Y/n, the basket of fruit nestled between us, felt like a serene journey. I cherished every moment of her company, reveling in the ease of our conversation and the shared warmth between us. As we reached my place, I gathered the courage to ask her if she wanted to go to the movies with me.

Before I could finish my sentence or backtrack in nervous rambling, I turned to leave, but Y/n gently clasped my hand, halting my movement. I turned back to face her, and in a sudden, unexpected moment, she leaned in and planted a quick, soft peck on my lips. The unexpectedness of the gesture made me gasp, my heart racing at the sudden intimacy.

"I would love to go to the movies with you" she said with a shy smile, her words adding to the whirlwind of emotions stirring inside me. Still in shock from the sudden kiss, I struggled to find my words, barely managing to stammer out a response.

"Yeah, see you tomorrow," I managed to say, my mind still reeling from the surprise kiss as Y/n started her journey back home, leaving me standing there, a mix of shock, excitement, and a newfound anticipation for our upcoming movie date.

Excitement coursed through me as I raced to my room, eager to spill the details to Jennie about everything that had unfolded with Y/n. The next morning, as I rummaged through my wardrobe in search of the perfect outfit for the impending date, frustration gripped me. I felt disheartened by the lack of cute clothes in my collection, so I made the impromptu decision to go shopping.

As I emerged with a bag of newly purchased clothes, Lisa appeared seemingly out of thin air, her signature grin lighting up her face. "What's up, classmate!" she greeted me cheerfully, her curiosity piqued by the bag in my hand. "Whatchu got there?" she inquired, attempting to sneak a peek at my new acquisitions.

"It's just clothes, idiot," I retorted, trying to keep the contents of my bag hidden. However, Lisa persisted, playfully tugging at the bag. In a momentary distraction, she diverted my attention by exclaiming a greeting to someone across from us. Curious, I turned to see who she was addressing, unwittingly giving Lisa the chance to swipe the bag from my grasp.

"Hey! Give it back!" I protested, feeling a surge of annoyance at her playful antics. But instead of returning the bag, Lisa suggested we go and grab ice cream, skillfully guiding me toward the ice cream parlor where Y/n worked. Despite my frustration, I found myself reluctantly following her lead, wondering what game she was playing at and what her intentions were involving Y/n in our plans.

The atmosphere at the ice cream parlor was tense, with both Y/n and Lisa vying for my attention, albeit solely focused on the ice cream. Lost in the moment, I glanced around the store, only to spot Jennie through the glass window, tears streaming down her face at the sight of me. My heart raced, and I immediately stood up, calling out her name in a mix of surprise and joy. "Jennie!"

Sobbing uncontrollably, we rushed toward each other, embracing tightly as tears continued to flow. "Chaeyoung!" she sobbed, echoing my sentiments. The overwhelming rush of emotions hit us both as we clung to each other, seeking solace in our reunion. "I miss you," I cried out, my voice choked with emotion.

"I miss you too," she responded through her tears, the depth of our bond palpable in our embrace. The entire store seemed to halt, eyes fixated on our emotional reunion, including Y/n and Lisa, who observed the heartfelt moment.

Struggling to catch my breath amid the tears, I turned to Y/n and Lisa, tears still streaming down my face, and managed to introduce Jennie between hiccups. "T-This is J-Jennie, M-My Best F-Friend. Say hi," I stuttered. Both Y/n and Lisa offered a wave to Jennie, who, amidst her own hiccups and tear-wiping, managed a soft "Hi." The overwhelming mix of emotions in that moment, from joy to sorrow to relief, made it a scene etched into all of our memories.

"My surgery was a success!" Jennie beamed with joy, radiating relief and happiness. "Let me hear your heart!" I exclaimed eagerly, filled with anticipation.

I gently rested my ear on her chest, listening intently to the rhythmic beats. "It's beautiful. It definitely sounds stronger," I praised, overwhelmed with happiness at the sound of her healthier heartbeat. The relief and joy in that moment, knowing that Jennie was recovering well, filled the room with a sense of gratitude and hope for the future.

"Oh, wow," Jennie exclaimed, her excitement evident. "You know, I thought I was going to have a heart attack at the sight of Lisa. I didn't think I would see her so soon!" Her hand rested on her chest, emphasizing her excitement. "She looked so good in her uniform," she sighed out dreamily.

"Uniform?" I questioned, puzzled by Jennie's description, since Y/n was the only one in a uniform.

"Yeah! When did she start working there? You left that part out," Jennie playfully complained, nudging me about the missing details.

"Oh! That's Y/n! Lisa is the other girl," I clarified, assuming Jennie had mixed up the names.

"No, the one in the uniform was Lisa," Jennie corrected me confidently.

"Huh?" I was thoroughly confused.

"What? Here, let me show you," Jennie said, reaching for a photo of us at the beach to prove her point.

As she opened the picture, I saw Y/n, Lisa, and me. But what caught me off guard was the heart drawn around Y/n, emphasizing that Jennie's crush was on Y/n, not Lisa. Shock coursed through me as I realized I had misunderstood everything. I, too, had a crush on Y/n. It felt like everything I knew was suddenly upside down.

Jennie burst into laughter, noticing my stunned expression. "Don't tell me you've been following and getting details about the wrong person," she teased, finding the whole situation incredibly amusing.

For days, I grappled with the realization of my mistake. I felt distraught and conflicted, trying to come to terms with the fact that I had developed feelings for Jennie's crush. It was a situation filled with complexities, and I knew I couldn't let my own feelings interfere with Jennie's happiness.

Deciding to push my feelings aside became a resolution born out of necessity. I made a conscious choice to prioritize Jennie's feelings and happiness over mine. I was determined to support her in pursuing Y/n, even if it meant setting aside my own emotions.

It wasn't an easy decision, and there were moments when my feelings resurfaced, causing inner turmoil. But for the sake of my friendship with Jennie, I resolved to bury those emotions and focus solely on being there for her. I was willing to sacrifice my own feelings and desires to ensure Jennie's happiness, even if it meant pushing my own emotions to the sidelines.

The day of the movie date with Y/n arrived, but I made a conscious decision not to go. Instead, I asked Jennie to go in my place and explain to Y/n that I had a family matter to attend to. Surprisingly, Jennie agreed eagerly, thrilled at the opportunity to spend time with Y/n.

Later that night, Jennie returned from her time with Y/n while I had ended up spending time with Lisa. Jennie, excited and energetic, suggested staying over. It didn't take her long to notice something was off. "You're hiding something from me," she began, and my heart raced with anxiety.

"You like Lisa, huh?" she teased, and my mind raced to find a way to explain without revealing the truth. "Oh my god, we can go on a double date!" she exclaimed, clearly enthusiastic about the idea.

"No, no, I don't like Lisa like that," I insisted, trying to divert her attention, but Jennie simply brushed it off, her mind already racing with plans.

"Hey, tell me more about Y/n," she giggled, changing the subject. Caught off guard, I stammered, "Huh? Oh, I don't know," trying to play off the situation and avoid talking about Y/n too much to avoid revealing my true feelings for her.

The pressure from Jennie's expectations weighed heavily on me. "I-I don't know," I stammered, feeling the weight of my conflicting emotions. Just then, my pager beeped, signaling a message. I excused myself, telling Jennie I'd be right back, and hurried to the house phone.

Upon checking the message, I was stunned to find it was from Y/n, asking me to call her. Panic surged within me, and I hastily put the phone down, trying to compose myself. Jennie, noticing my unease, inquired about the call. I brushed it off, claiming it was nobody important, trying to hide the truth to avoid further questions.

As the night settled in and I laid in bed with Jennie, sleep eluded me. Thoughts of Y/n inundated my mind, causing a whirlwind of conflicting emotions. Unable to shake off the desire to talk to Y/n, I made a decision. I quietly slipped out of bed, leaving Jennie sleeping, and made my way to the pay phone outside my house, intending to return Y/n's call.

The nervousness crept in as Y/n's voice answered the call. "Hey, it's me, Chaeyoung," I replied, feeling a mix of anxiety and anticipation.

"What took you so long? I've been trying to reach you for a while," Y/n teased, and my heart skipped a beat.

"Oh-uh, what number is this?" I asked nervously, trying to hide my uncertainty. Suddenly, the coin from the pay phone slipped, adding to my flustered state.

"Are you at a pay phone right now?" Y/n asked, her curiosity evident in her voice.

"Huh?" I was puzzled by her line of questioning. "The payphone in front of your house?" she continued.

"Yeah, I am. Why?" I asked, glancing around in confusion.

"Count to 10," Y/n instructed. Confused by her request, I hesitated before complying. "Wait!" she chuckled. "Slow down," she urged.

Perplexed but following her instructions, I began to count slower, scanning my surroundings. Finally, I spotted Y/n running toward me, out of breath but with a charming smile that always seemed to make my heart race. As much as I felt drawn to her, I knew I had to suppress my feelings for the sake of Jennie.

Sitting together on a nearby bench, Y/n handed me a phone, a symbol of connection between us. Her smile, as always, was bright and welcoming. She began talking, sharing anecdotes about Jennie's tales of my past, how I supposedly used to get into fights, expressing her relief that things had changed since then. Her words were gentle, filled with warmth and understanding.

“Y/n,” I started, feeling a weight settling in my chest. “I didn't show up to the movies for a reason,” I confessed, bracing myself for what would come next.

Confused, Y/n inquired, “What do you mean?” Her innocent curiosity only made the situation more painful for me. I felt my heart shatter as I struggled to voice my truth. “I'm sorry, I've made a mistake. I don't have those kind of feelings for you. I'm sorry if you misunderstood,” I choked out, rising from the bench, my heart heavy with sorrow.

Y/n reached for my arm, desperation in her voice, “Chaeyoung—” But I couldn't bear to face her reaction. “I have to go,” I cut her off abruptly, running off into the rain, the downpour mirroring the turmoil within me.

Leaving Y/n behind, standing alone in the rain, was a pang of regret that seared through me, but I couldn't face her disappointment and hurt. The heaviness in my chest matched the weight of the decision I had made, to protect Jennie's feelings at the cost of my own and Y/n's heartbreak.

Little did I know Y/n had a letter for me. That i never got to read.

Chaeyoung,

I find myself penning down these words because saying them face to face felt too overwhelming. Do you remember the first time I laid eyes on you? It was in your father's store, and you dashed out in a rush. I couldn't help but chuckle; you were so endearing, so effortlessly charming. Since that moment, every time I caught sight of you, a smile would automatically grace my face. You brought joy into my life, Chaeyoung. A kind of happiness I had never experienced before.

Your unpredictable nature fascinated me. I loved the way you made life seem so full of unexpected moments. At times, I found myself feeling a pang of jealousy over the time you spent with Lisa, wondering if you felt the same way about her as you did about me. But then there were moments when you'd do or say something that made my heart flutter, making me believe that maybe you felt something for me too.

That night when you were intoxicated, you confessed something so personal, something that affirmed what I had been feeling all along. You revealed your emotions, but in your drunken haze, you forgot all about it. I often wondered if you mistook me for Lisa, or if you truly meant what you said.

Now, circumstances have me heading back to New Zealand, but know this, Chaeyoung: I'd return to you in a heartbeat. I've developed feelings for you, deep and sincere. I hope you remember that moment, that you realize the depth of my feelings for you. Even though we might be apart, my heart remains with you.

Yours sincerely,

Y/n

The rain poured relentlessly, drenching everything in its path, including the heartfelt letter Y/n had penned for Chaeyoung.Tthe paper slipped from her hand, spiraling down in the rain. Each word, each sentiment she had poured onto that paper was now blurring and dissolving in the downpour.

Y/n trudged through the rain-soaked streets, her heart weighed down not only by the storm but also by the unspoken feelings she had finally expressed in that letter. Every step echoed her silent longing, her unspoken words left behind, mingling with the raindrops. The letter, the one piece of her heart she wished Chaeyoung could have held.

As she walked home, the raindrops merged with her tears, an indistinguishable mix of water and sorrow, a poignant echo of her unshared emotions that now dispersed into the night.

As school resumed, an undeniable air of awkwardness lingered between Y/n and me. Despite being partners in the broadcasting club, our interactions were marked by a palpable tension. However, we pushed through, determined to fulfill our responsibilities.

We diligently worked on our project, completing the filming part and needing only the editing phase. Y/n mentioned that the editing machine we had access to was outdated, which would likely slow down the process. That's when Jennie unexpectedly appeared, greeting us cheerfully.

"Hey guys," Jennie chimed in, breaking the slightly tense atmosphere.

Returning the greeting, I turned to Y/n, asking, "Are we finished with the filming?"

"Yeah, we just need to edit it. But the editing machine we have is pretty old, so it might take a while," Y/n replied, a hint of concern in her voice.

Jennie immediately perked up at the mention of the outdated equipment. "I know someone who has the latest editing machine. Should I give them a call?" she suggested eagerly, sensing an opportunity to assist.

Y/n and I exchanged a glance, silently acknowledging that a better editing setup would significantly speed up our progress. Without hesitation, we agreed, and soon enough, we found ourselves on our way to another city, ready to access the advanced editing tools and put the finishing touches on our project.

Jennie's excitement was contagious as she announced the unexpected surprise—tickets to the nearby amusement park. Her eyes sparkled with anticipation and a hint of nervousness. Her request, however, caught me off guard.

"Could you help me get some alone time with Y/n? I want to confess to her," Jennie asked, a mix of hope and uncertainty in her voice.

Internally, conflicting emotions swirled within me. My own feelings for Y/n lingered, causing a twinge of heartache. Yet, witnessing Jennie's earnestness and her desire for happiness pushed me to set my emotions aside. Despite the ache, I resolved to support my friend wholeheartedly.

Putting on a supportive smile, I agreed, "Of course, I'll help you with that. I want to see you happy."

Suppressing my own feelings, I masked the discomfort and focused on planning ways for Jennie to have her moment with Y/n at the amusement park. I knew that despite my emotions, Jennie's happiness was what truly mattered, and I was determined to make her confession a success.

It was a bittersweet day at the amusement park. I stayed close to Lisa, subtly helping Jennie get moments alone with Y/n. Despite the thrill and excitement surrounding us, my focus was on ensuring Jennie's chance to confess her feelings.

When the time came to ride attractions, Jennie's recent surgery made her opt for the non-thrill rides. Feeling guilty, she urged me to enjoy the park, but I chose to stick by her side, not wanting her to feel left out.

Unexpectedly, Y/n rushed up to us in line, expressing her desire to ride with me. The situation took me by surprise, but I agreed, puzzled by the sudden turn of events. I sensed Lisa's disappointment as she knew Y/n's inclination towards me, but she graciously accepted the change, understanding the dynamics at play.

Y/n and I boarded the ride together, leaving Lisa behind. Confusion and mixed emotions swirled within me, but in that moment, I decided to focus on the present, enjoying the ride while trying to decipher the unspoken sentiments between Y/n and me.

The day at the amusement park unfolded with a mix of emotions. I stuck close to Lisa, subtly facilitating Jennie's moments with Y/n whenever possible. Despite Jennie's assurance, I refrained from thrill rides to accommodate her post-surgery condition.

As we wandered through the park, Jennie encouraged me to enjoy myself, feeling guilty for my sacrifice. I hesitated at first but eventually relented, deciding to join Lisa on a nearby roller coaster. Little did I know, Y/n unexpectedly approached us, expressing her intention to ride alongside me.

Confused but not wanting to cause any fuss, I agreed to ride with Y/n, oblivious to the underlying reason. Lisa, aware of Y/n's feelings for me, rolled her eyes but complied, understanding the situation better than I did. Together, Y/n and I boarded the roller coaster, unaware of the emotional undercurrents surrounding us.

It was a whirlwind of emotions during that roller coaster ride. Unaware of Y/n's fear of heights, I noticed her distress as she hyperventilated. Concerned, I questioned her, and she admitted her fear, yet she chose to face it just to be with me. As the ride approached its towering drop, Y/n's grip tightened on my hand.

In the adrenaline rush of the drop, amidst the wind whipping around us, Y/n's confession pierced through the chaos. "I LIKE YOU CHAEYOUNG!" Her words echoed in the rush of the descent, leaving me stunned and speechless.

The roller coaster's twists and turns mirrored the tumult in my heart. Y/n's confession, amidst her fear and vulnerability, hit me profoundly. I was taken aback, my mind racing as the ride continued its thrilling journey.

The roller coaster ride was exhilarating, the adrenaline rushing through us as the coaster zipped along the tracks. Meanwhile, Lisa and Jennie engaged in conversation nearby. Jennie, perplexed by Y/n's choice to ride despite her fear of heights, sought clarification from Lisa.

Lisa, in a moment of candor, disclosed the truth to Jennie. She revealed that Y/n's decision to join me on the ride wasn't merely about conquering her fear of heights but stemmed from mutual feelings between Y/n and me. The words hung in the air, unraveling the unsuspecting revelation to Jennie, and her world suddenly felt like it was crashing down around her.

The shocking revelation left Jennie speechless, her mind struggling to process the unexpected revelation about Y/n's feelings for me. The amusement park's cheerful atmosphere seemed to fade away, replaced by an unsettling tension, as the truth dawned on Jennie, altering her perspective on the situation.

The conversation with Y/n felt like a whirlwind of emotions, each word chipping away at my heart. Hearing about Y/n's imminent departure to New Zealand felt like a punch in the gut, yet I strived to mask my own sorrow.

"You're leaving?" I queried, trying to maintain a calm façade.

"Yeah, I'm moving back to New Zealand," Y/n confirmed, the weight of her words sinking in.

Internally, my heart clenched painfully at the thought of losing Y/n and the uncertainty of whether we'd ever meet again. Despite the turmoil within, I held onto a composed exterior. "That's wonderful," I replied, attempting to conceal the ache in my voice.

Y/n seemed taken aback by my response, sensing a disconnect between my words and my true feelings. "Oh, really? Do you think so?" she asked, her hurt evident.

Struggling to maintain my composure, I nodded. "You miss your brother, and now you get to see him again," I said, trying to rationalize the situation.

"I thought you'd be sad because I'm leaving. But that's good. Thank you for everything, Chaeyoung," Y/n uttered sadly, sensing the emotional distance between us.

Despite my inner turmoil and the sadness welling within, I couldn't bring myself to express my true feelings, choosing instead to put on a brave face for Y/n's departure. The ache in my heart was a silent burden I carried as I bid farewell to someone who had left an indelible mark on me.

The night air hung heavy with emotions as Jennie and I walked, the weight of Y/n's departure pressing down on me. I offered to get some food, trying to distract Jennie from her evident distress. But then she stopped abruptly, and her expression turned grave.

"You have something to tell me," Jennie stated, her voice heavy with sorrow. My heart skipped a beat, realizing she had figured it out.

"Huh?" I stammered, feeling the world come crashing down.

"You have feelings for Y/n. You like her," Jennie declared, tears welling up in her eyes.

I struggled to find the right words. "I-I don't like her anymore. I'm over her," I insisted, attempting to downplay my emotions.

"Why didn't you tell me? You've been keeping this from me this whole time!" Jennie cried out, her voice quivering with hurt.

My own frustration and guilt bubbled up. "I didn't know how to handle it. But I did it for you!" I argued, my voice tinged with desperation.

Jennie's disbelief was palpable. "You made me look like a fool! And yet you say this was all for me? Or were you just doing it to make yourself feel better?" she accused, her voice breaking.

I felt the weight of my decisions crush me. "Jennie, I... I didn't want my feelings over some girl to ruin our friendship," I confessed, tears streaming down my face.

"Some girl? Because of you, we're in this situation," Jennie yelled, her words a mix of anger and pain. Then, her tone softened. "Even though I like Y/n, I would give her up in a heartbeat if it meant preserving our friendship. You're the person I care about the most, Chaeyoung."

Her words cut deep, a stark reminder of the consequences of my actions. "I know you always take care of me because I'm ill, but it's not something I need from you. I need a friend, not a nurse," Jennie stated firmly before turning and walking away, leaving me in the middle of the street, consumed by my own tears and regrets.

It was a painful period after the fallout with Jennie. Despite my attempts to reach out, her reluctance to speak to me remained steadfast. Even at school, the distance between us was palpable.

In an unexpected turn, Jennie stumbled upon an old email I had written, pouring out my feelings for Y/n. Strangely, instead of escalating the situation, she decided to help me. Taking matters into her own hands, Jennie arranged a meeting with Y/n.

They sat down together, Jennie with a resolve to advocate for my feelings. She began by painting a picture of my devotion to her, highlighting the lengths I went to put her feelings above mine. Jennie cleverly framed it in a way that emphasized my loyalty to her as a friend.

She then shifted the conversation to my feelings for Y/n, revealing the truth about my emotions. Jennie emphasized that I had been untruthful when I claimed I didn't like Y/n. Instead, she explained how my selfless intentions had led to this unfortunate misunderstanding.

It was an unexpected turn of events, Jennie, despite her own feelings for Y/n, chose to prioritize our friendship. She made an effort to bridge the gap that had formed between Y/n and me due to my misguided attempts to protect our friendship. Yet, it was uncertain how Y/n would react to this revelation.

Y/n arrived at my house, a sense of urgency in her actions as she hoped to have a conversation before her departure the following morning. She waited patiently, yet expectantly, outside my home, hoping for a chance to talk.

Throughout the night, she called repeatedly, trying to reach me, her voice resonating with concern and anticipation. Each ring was a plea for connection, a yearning to bridge the gap between us before she had to leave.

Unfortunately, I wasn't available as my family was dealing with a medical emergency involving my sister. We were at the hospital, consumed by the urgent situation, unaware of Y/n's presence outside our home. Despite her persistent efforts to reach out, I remained inaccessible, unintentionally causing Y/n to wait fruitlessly.

It was a missed opportunity, one that left Y/n standing alone in the dark, her hopes of a conversation slowly fading away as the night wore on.

The morning arrived, and I went about my day, completely unaware of the events that unfolded between Y/n and Jennie. The tension between Jennie and me remained palpable, with communication between us still at a bare minimum.

Suddenly, an unexpected event took place at school that altered the course of our interactions. Jennie, resorting to a drastic measure to capture my attention, feigned passing out. In an instant, panic set in as I rushed to her side, immediately lifting her and hurrying her to the nurse's office.

As I carried her, fearing the worst, Jennie finally disclosed that it was a ploy to get my attention, to spark a conversation and restore our communication. Relieved yet flustered by the situation, I tried to comprehend Jennie's actions and the lengths she went to just to reestablish a connection with me.

It was an unexpected turn of events when Jennie orchestrated a situation to push me towards Y/n. After the ruse of her passing out, she urged me to not let Y/n leave. I was baffled by her insistence and her unexpected support for a potential connection between Y/n and me.

Rushing outside, I found Lisa waiting with a motorcycle, seemingly prepared for a ride. “I guess I'm a driver now,” Lisa quipped with an eye roll. Without hesitation, I hopped on the motorcycle as she revved the engine, ready to head towards Y/n.

The wind blew past us as Lisa maneuvered through the streets, and my mind raced with thoughts about what awaited me at my destination. The urgency in Jennie's voice lingered in my mind, her encouragement to not let this moment slip away.

As we neared Y/n's departure point, I felt a surge of nervousness and determination. The engine roared, but inside, I was grappling with conflicting emotions, unsure of what awaited me and what I truly wanted to say to Y/n.

In a heart-wrenching moment, I finally spotted Y/n amidst the bustling train station. Tears streamed down my face as I staggered towards her, barely able to catch my breath. “Y/n!” I cried out, my voice cracking with emotion. She turned, startled and concerned, as I struggled to articulate my apologies.

Through teary eyes, I poured out my regrets. “I was devastated when you said you were leaving for New Zealand. I pretended to be okay; I'm sorry for everything,” I choked out, overcome with emotions. Y/n's response was unexpected yet filled with warmth, making my heart stutter and laugh through the tears.

“Why are you apologizing? Just admit you like me,” Y/n whispered softly, her words a revelation that both lifted my spirit and filled me with nervousness. "Chaeyoung, when I'm with you, I'm genuinely happy. I like you, Chaeyoung!" she confessed, her smile bittersweet amidst the farewell.

Feeling overwhelmed, my words struggled to find their way out. “I like you too,” I managed to say softly, but Y/n teased playfully, pretending not to hear. With the train about to depart, I summoned all my courage and declared loudly, "I like you too! I really, really like you too!" Y/n's laughter filled the air as she embraced me tightly and left a tender kiss on my cheek.

As the train's announcement echoed through the station, Y/n wiped away my tears, promising she would return. I nodded in agreement, but as the train doors began to close, our hearts ached with the impending separation. We exchanged our goodbyes, our eyes locked, both yearning for the moment not to arrive.

With the train gradually pulling away, Y/n's sobs resonated in the distance as she watched me fade away, while I mirrored her sorrow, watching her slip further from my sight. Our hearts tangled in that fleeting moment, our unspoken pledges lingering in the air as we were forced apart, each carrying the other’s sentiments in our hearts, painfully separated by the distance that grew between us.

The days following Y/n's departure were filled with bittersweet moments. We continued our constant communication through emails, sharing our dreams, hopes, and promises to see each other again. You always reassured me, urging me to wait patiently for you return, and I solemnly vowed to wait, cherishing the connection we had.

However, the emails eventually stopped arriving, leaving me puzzled and hurt. At first, I was consumed by anger and resentment, feeling abandoned and forgotten. I began to imagine that maybe you chose to sever our connection deliberately. In my mind, I convinced myself that it was easier to assume you were dead, as it lessened the pain of feeling deserted.

Yet, fate had a cruel twist. It wasn’t just a misunderstanding or a cessation of contact—you actually had passed away. Learning of this devastating truth shattered my heart. The immense regret I felt was overwhelming; I realized that my assumptions and misplaced anger could have deprived me of the chance to say a proper goodbye.

In those moments of despair, your brother reached out, delivering the gut-wrenching news. His revelation pierced through the walls of my resentment, shattering the facade I had created to protect myself. Gratitude and sorrow washed over me simultaneously—thankfulness for your impact on my life and immense grief for their untimely departure.

I felt an ache, a sense of loss, and an immense emptiness. your departure wasn’t just a goodbye; it was a departure of a source of joy, a beacon of hope, and an irreplaceable connection. The realization that I could have harbored bitterness against them forever haunted me.

Thank you, Y/n, for the joy you brought into my life, for the memories we shared, and the lessons you imparted, even beyond your time. You were a beacon of happiness, and your absence weighs heavy on my heart. I'll hold onto the happiness you gifted me, cherishing it always, until we meet again someday.

𓇢𓆸

[fabseg-reader]

Miraculous fanart: Beebug/Queenbug/Queenlady Date + Miraculous rewriting: Chloenette AU (Season 2)

The Chloenette AU is updated.

Prologue

Season 1

Time for the rewriting !

The Story and its changes:

Season 2:

The Collector:

Marinette meets Master Fu and Wayzz. The old man reveals he is the last Guardian of the Miracle Box.

Marinette presents the Grimoire to Fu who recognizes the book. She lies to him about the finding of the book (like in the original story). She can't imagine Adrien can be Hawkmoth.

Adrien is grounded at home by his father for the lost of the book.

In this AU, when Marinette comes to school, it's Chloé who calls her about Adrien's groundment. Nino and Alya reveal to the bluenette the grimoire was Adrien's dad's property. So Marinette suspects Gabriel Agreste to be Hawkmoth.

The story and the battle happen in the same way as in canon. The Collector is desakumatized. Marinette brings back the grimoire to the manor. Adrien cimes back to Françoise Dupont school.

This is eventually confirmed Gabriel is in fact Hawkmoth.

Prime Queen:

Marinette requests Alya for babysitting Manon because she must go to the TVi Studio as Ladybug. There is the interview with Nadja Chamack in the Face to Face show. Cat Noir is invited too.

During the interview, Chloé appears in the show by videocall. In this AU, the conversation could be:

Nadja: Hello caller. State your name and your question.

Chloé: Err, seriously Nadja? Surely, no one would be the first caller but me. I'm only the perfect match for Ladybug.

Nadja: Oh yes, of course. Hello there, Chloé Bourgeois. Daughter of the mayor of Paris...

Chloé: And don't forget my daddy is the manager of the Grand Paris, the best luxury hotel in the entire city.

Nadja: Err, thank you for reminding us. What is your question, Chloé ?

Oh, I don't have a question. I just wanted to say hi, since as you all know, we're such very good friends: Ladybug, Cat Noir and I !

Ladybug and Cat Noir blush when Chloé claims to be the perfect match. But Ladybug is a bit of uncomfortable because of that.

Meanwhile, this info gratifies Gabriel (a.k.a. Hawkmoth) who watches the interview. He is more satisfied than he is when Ladybug said her and Cat Noir must keep their identities secret. He remembers the Antibug incident (still in the AU).

The TV reveals the photos implying "romantic" moments between Ladybug and Cat Noir. The red black-spotted superheroin angrily leaves the broadcast grabbing Cat Noir until the exit.

Nadia is akumatized into Prime Queen. The battle happens identically to canon. But there is a lot of changes.

The scoop Prime Queen wants to hear the love life of Ladybug and Cat Noir

The rules for my show are simple, admit the truth live on TV that you're dating and in love and I'll stop the train ! Oh ! And unless Chloé is the "perfect match" with one of you two !

Chloé being Chloé: She openly teases Prime Queen.

Do you want a scoop ? I am the perfect girlfriend for Ladybug. Even for everyone. Everyone loves me. 😏

When Ladybug and Cat Noir fall trapped in the freezer of the kitchen of the Grand Paris Hotel, Prime Queen holds Alya AND Chloé as hostages (The akumatized supervillainess had retaken the blondie girl from the subway train in the same moment). Imprisoned in the same sarcophagus, the rich girl and the ladyblogger are cramped inside.

Hawkmoth ordered her to take the blondie brat as prisoner for forcing Ladybug and Cat Noir to give up their miraculous (Volpina vibes). The two heroes (the two Chloé's childhood friends) are panicked.

Meanwhile, Ladybug and Cat Noir manage to reverse the issue of the battle (same way as in canon: Lucky Charm, trick and Miraculous Ladybug !).

After the battle, Marinette joins Alya and Manon for recomforting her and she calls Chloé for the same reason.

Chloé will respond to Marinette Adrien has already expressed his worries about her hostage previous situation. She even sends a text to the bluenette:

I love you two so much. 😘 But I love Ladybug more. 😋🥰

Damn ! Marinette would like to live her romance with Adrien but Chloé openly expresses to be in love with Ladybug.

That's too hot for Mari. There is a conversation between her and Tikki:

Marinette: Someone must say to Chloé she must stop to say she loves me... Uh... Ladybug. Didn't she learned anything after the Vanisher and Antibug incidents ?Tikki: There aren't another choice, Marinette. You must convince her to shut up. Her actions and her behavior cause dôme trouble in your mission to find and stop Hawkmoth.Marinette: Yeah. But I don't have to hurt her feelings. I swear I will reveal who I really am in another day.Tikki: Promise, Marinette. It's necessary to keep your identity secret for protecting your loved ones.Marinette: I swear.

On TVi, the Face to Face show isn't cancelled after the incident. And Nadja invites Alya for this new airing episode (like in canon).

Glaciator:

Same story than in canon but with some changes.

Chloé appears in this story.

Adrien learns piano séance at home. He can't exit from the major today but Cat Noir.

The blondie girl (accompanied of Sabrina) joins the group (Nino, Alya, Ivan, Mylène and Marinette) to see André the Sweetheart matchmaker. The rich brat order him an ice cream for sharing it with Ladybug. But André backfires her because "Ladybug and Cat Noir are the perfect match".

Pissed off, Chloé threats the Ice Cream seller of closing his business by calling her Daddy the mayor and she mocks the Ice Cream Man's love principes before leaving the scene.

That shocks André. This blackmailing causes the akumatization of the latter into Glaciator. His akumatization happens more early than in canon. And now, he seeks revenge against Chloé.

Marinette briefly berates Chloé for her harmful behavior before fleeing the zone and transforming into Ladybug.

Cat Noir was just preparing the decoration for his date with Ladybug (he had previously invited her) when he sees Glaciator causing chaos in Paris.

Ladybug and Cat Noir stand up together against Glaciator. The first heroin tells to Cat Noir what is happened.

Cat Noir (thinking): It's supposed a good day for offering a date with my Lady until Chloé... another Akuma messes up. Let's clean up the things and I will talk about our date night later.

There aren't any issues about Ladybug's absence in the date spot.

They eventually defeat him in same way as in canon.

After the battle, Cat Noir recalls Ladybug about the date night and the location. The superheroin eventually comes to the rendezvous and she tells to his Chaton she has a crush on another boy (without saying his name: Adrien). Meanwhile, she wants to be just friends with Cat Noir as an exceptional partner. The Catboy accepts her choice. Same thing with Chloé the so-called perfect match: The two heroes agree.

Cat Noir offers his flower to Ladybug with a kiss on the cheek in same way as in canon. Their relationship is platonic.

About Chloé, she eventually "apologizes" to the Ice Cream seller for her behavior. The next day, Marinette and Chloé agree to come together to see André the Ice Cream Man (not the mayor).

The latter offers to the two girls an Ice Cream with perfume of: Honey🟡, Cranberry🔵, Strawberry🔴 and Chocolate⚫. 🍨

Despair Bear:

The story begins at Françoise Dupont when Tom Dupain learns to the Marinette's class how to bake macarons. But Chloé thinks the learning is boring. So she secretly calls the fire department. That causing the fire alarm activation forcing all the classes to evacuate.

Like in canon, Mr Damoclès punishes the entire school to cleaning up the place. All the students except Chloé.

The canon divergence comes: Chloé (who is a semi-bully) attempted to preserve both Marinette, Adrien from the sanction but the two latters openly declare they prefer clean up with their classmates instead of benefit that.

Adrien even gaslights Chloé about her actions and her attitude. He requires her to become kind. By waiting that, he breaks up their friendship.

Unsatisfied and saddened about Adrien ending their friendship, Chloé decides to "change". With the guidance of her butler Armand Jean-???, she organisates a party at the Grand Hotel.

When Chloé sends invitations to the teens from Françoise Dupont, she don't express any disgust but joy about inviting Marinette (the latter isn't surprised about receiving one invitation from her odd childhood friend).

Meanwhile, she feels uncomfortable because of her butler exhibiting her teddy bear Mr. Cuddly in front of her.

At the Grand Paris Hotel, when Chloé comes to greet the guests (under the guidance of the butler and Mr. Cuddly), the scene with Marinette happens a bit of differently: They kiss each others cheeks like consensual people (Because they were familiar in this AU).

At the same scene, before the mutual kissing, the two concerned girls have a conversation by murmuring. Their discret conversation:

Chloé: Hey, Dupain-Cheng. What do you think about my party Marinette: You just try to send the fire alarm thing into the oblivion with this party, right ? Chloé: Ridiculous ! I'm sure you meet some things that can be boring and you will want to mess theses up. Marinette: You meet me only for make me be like you ?! Chloé: No. No. You're just interesting too much for me. I see in you a kind of girl who is able to practice the power on others. Marinette: You confessed me "you loved me" during these last years just because I should have any form of "power" ? Chloé: You must understand what we can do with any power, Dupain-Cheng. You must thank me for letting you become the class representative. I could guide you. Marinette: And I could guide you if you seek to change. Chloé (briefly watching her butler and Mr. Cuddly): Someone already cares about my... guidance. Do you kiss me or we will stay frozen until the night ? Hurry up. Marinette: Kiss... You ?!Chloé: Only in the cheek but make it fast.

The moments when Chloé acts as nice (still under the guidance of the butler) towards guests happen like in canon.

When Nino comes on stage for playing DJ music, Chloé wants to dance with Adrien but she is hesitant with Marinette. Sabrina (instead of Kim) requests Chloé for dance. The latter reluctantly accepts (under the pression guidance of Jean Mr. Cuddly).

Marinette and Adrien dance together.

Frustated she can't dance neither with Adrien nor with Marinette and nor with Ladybug, Chloé wants to interupt it all. But the butler stands up with Mr. Cuddly.

That's enough for Chloé Bourgeois who snaps out in anger. She fires his butler who is eventually akumatized into Despair Bear. Hawkmoth waited this too long.

The battle happens in same way as in canon. The two heroes deakumatize the butler with the help of Chloé. She rehires him.

In the final scene, Chloé makes efforts to be kind again by inviting Marinette's dad for finish the interupted lesson from Françoise Dupont school. Her friendship with Adrien is saved.

She takes the time to judge everyone's macarons with correctness. She even eats one of Marinette's macarons with pleasure: Delicious ! Utterly delicious ! ❤

Riposte:

In the original episode, Chloé doesn't appear. But in this AU, she comes to Françoise Dupont school accompanied of Sabrina. The two girls join Marinette because the latter participates to Armand D'Argencourt's fencing with Adrien.

When Marinette and Adrien fence together. Chloé claims Adrien has the high ground while Sabrina claims the top for Marinette.

Kagami appears on the court and challenges Adrien for integrate the D'Argencourt fencing school. The duel happens like in canon.

The divergence: Marinette and Chloé are the only ones who ses the end of the end. When D'Argencourt asks "Who hit first ?" Marinette hesitates. While she was going to name Adrien as the winner, Chloé cuts the bakery girl's line by directly calling Adrien as the winner.

Kagami is akumatized into Riposte. The battle happens like in canon

But Chloé joins Ladybug for the fight. The only times when Chloé is useful in the melee are these moments: when she tries to hide Adrien and later when she distracts Riposte by provoking lines (that doesn't impress the akuma).

Same way as in canon, Riposte is defeated and deakumatized.

After the battle, Adrien joins Kagami to return her sword back. The two reconcile each other. Kagami accepts a second duel for a near future.

Marinette (who is detransformed after the battle) discretly listen the conversation.

In this AU, when Adrien says to Kagami Marinette is just a friend, the bakery girl is pleased. Meanwhile, she confesses to Tikki she prefers to be more friends with Adrien than Adrien said.

Later, Ladybug sees Chloé for request her to cease to intervene in akuma battles. She occasionaly sees her after each akuma battle since the Antibug incident.

Ladybug: Chloé. You must stop to put yourself in danger when an akumatized supervillain is on the run. It's for your sake. ☝😠

Chloé: Thank you, Ladybug. But, it's ridiculous. 😅 I'm sure you need me for catching Hawk Moth. And now, my proof of my support. ❤

Chloé kisses Ladybug on the cheek in every superheroin's visit and takes selfies with the relunctant superheroin.

La Befana:

Marinette celebrates her birthday. Tikki offers to her a kwagatama.

In same time, Marinette and her parents receivethe visit from Gina, her grandmother at the bakery. The latter takes her in motorcycle for visiting Parisian places that are too more childish for the bluenette.

The story for this AU is identical to the canon. Marinette leaves her grandmother for the surprise party. But the old woman believes Marinette don't want to spend time with her anymore (finding out th candies Marinette didn't have eaten). So Hawkmoth akumatizes Gina into la Befana.

Befana pertubates the party for turning Marinette into coal but the latter's friends stand up.

Ladybug and Cat Noir defeat the akumatized supervillainess and deakumatize her.

Marinette expresses her apologizes to grandma and invites her to join the party. The latter accepte and she understands her granddaughter is no longer a little child.

Adrien offers to Marinette a customized bracelet (similar to Marinette's bracelet from the episode Gamer).

Meanwhile, a girl lurking in the shadows is watching the party (especially Marinette and Adrien talking together) from the window of her bedroom: It's Lila.

The difference with the canon story is Chloé appears at the party (because she's among Marinette's friends in this AU even she has sometimes issues with the bakery girl). Sabrina too.

When Befana assaults the party, Chloé has been turned into coal statue among others coal statues while Sabrina is turned into an angel. These brats turns back to normal thanks to the Lucky Charm.

The gift Chloé offers to Marinette is a golden statuette with the form of a bee. (Coincidence?) 🐝

Frightningale:

The story happens like in canon.

Clara Nightingale holds auditions for a music video honoring Ladybug and Cat Noir at the Grand Palais.

Marinette joins her friends for the auditions. She just wants to be close to Adrien (who us worried about playing Cat Noir).

Meanwhile, Tikki requests her to keep her identity secret. That's why, after running to help the singer who tripped over the ground, the bluenette declines the Clara's offer of playing Ladybug for stay an extra with her friends after the singer has fallen and.

But a full Ladybug-cosplayed Chloé comes to make her interesting. She comes on stage to be with her Adri-Cat. Marinette changes her mind.

For this rewritten version of the story, Marinette tempers her words to Chloé by saying that:

Marinette: By showing yourself with your dances and acrobaties, you're impressive. Chloé (blushing and elated): Oh thank you Dupain-Cheng. You recognize my superior talents. Marinette: You put yourself in danger because you look like m... the real Ladybug. There may be an akumatized or possibly Hawkmoth who can believe you as our heroin. I warn you. Chloé (giggling and teasing): Do you say thar just because you are utterly jealous, the bakery gi... ?

Clara suddenly interferes in the girls' discussion.

Clara: Marinette has said like a true superheroin would have said. I was right to think you're the perfect one. About playing the Ladybug you're the worthy one. Chloé (irritated): I am more worthy one than everyone. the onlyperfectone to date Ladybug my beloved one. Me, the number one.

So Marinette is selected as the Ladybug for the video. Meanwhile, she realizes her cosplay looks like her magic outfit too well. Chloé has good reasons to say to her:

"Who looks more like Ladybug ? Huh... Who puts herself in danger by publicly pretending as Ladybug ?"

About Chloé, she later calls her Daddy the mayor of Paris for cancel the auditions. Clara is akumatized into Frightningale.

The battle eventually happens like in canon. Chloé is turned into "pink plastic?" statue ("Again ?!", the AU said. Read La Befana above ↑).

Ladybug and Cat Noir save the day by deakumatizing Clara.

After the battle, Ladybug offers HER idea to Clara about producing her music video: To invite the civilians to dance on-screen in different places of Paris and to wear their ladybug-and-cat-themed masks in same time.

What makes it different from the canon is Ladybug invites Chloé to participate in the new version of the music video. The latter only accepts it for impress Ladybug and "apologizes" Clara.

The music video Miraculous is finally aired.

Robostus:

Same story as in canon. Meanwhile, in this AU, Chloé's speaking lines are different:

Chloé: Puh-lease! Your "friend" is just a talking calculator! There's nothing "evolved" about that ! Marinette (to Markov): Don't listen to her, Markov. That girl is just a little hard of particular when she says everything she thinks. Chloé: I can say all the words describing you all as losers if I want to do it.

Markov is akumatized into Robostus. The battle happens in same way as in canon.

Robostus wants to make the wish of become a human with the Ladybug and Cat Miraculouses (because of the fact Hawkmoth had previously explained "them" the Miraculous Absolute Power processus during the akumatization). So He could hang out with Max.

Robostus betrays Hawkmoth by hacking his high security system (made by Tsurugi Industries) activating the missiles and weapons. That distracts the evil Butterfly man ans that prevents him to remove Robostus' superpowers.

Ladybug and Cat Noir find out their Miraculouses can grant a wish during the battle. They deakumatize Markov with the help of Max.

After the battle, Marinette better learns about the Ultimate Miraculous Absolute Power thanks to Master Fu: The wish requires an exchange (If Robustus becomes human, one random human becomes a robot/machine).

Zombizou:

This is Caline Bustier's birthday: Each student from the Miraclass have a gift to offer to their teacher.

The gift Marinette wants to give to Miss Bustier is a cosmetics bag including a lipstick. The gift has been made by Marinette and it contains the message:

"If we wish to change the world, we must all learn to love each other."

Chloé is eventually the only one who hasn't any gift to give to Miss Bustier.

Because of their childhood friends in this AU, Marinette encourages/requests Chloé to make an action of kindness.

Marinette: Nothing. Unless you still have a little present to offer for miss Bustier like you offered me this statuette in my birthday. (Read La Befana above ↑) Chloé: Don't treat me like that, Dupain-Cheng. I am not a child you can babysit. Sabrina: Calm down, gals. (-to the class-) We can't blame Chloé for no liking birthdays. Her mom is just a... Chloé: Yeah, well, you don't have to tell 'em my life story, either. I see none of interesting about compliments and love. Marinette: Haven't you any heart, Chloé ? Chloé: Uh, of course I have a heart! Daddy will even buy me a second one, if I want.

The Miraclass goes to class for Physical Science. But Chloé and Sabrina stay in locker room. The rich girl thinks about what the bakery girl previously told to her. For provide she can give something for a birthday, she decides to bring her "personal touch" on the Marinette's gift. Next, she return to class with Sabrina.

In classroom, the students bring their gifts to Miss Bustier.

Marinette finds out her gift has been vandalized ! She berates Chloé. The Miraclass isn't even surprised about Chloé's "crime".

In the original story, Alix tells almost half of the city of Paris got akumatized because of Chloé's actions. In this AU, it was just one quarter of Parisians who got akumatized (Chloé is a semi-bully).

Miss Bustier prefers to forgive Chloé. That annoys Marinette.

The situation interests Hawkmoth too much. He sends an akuma to the school.

Miss Bustier is finally akumatized into Zombizou. And the events are happening in the same way as in canon.

When all Parisians are zombizoufied. Ladybug and Chloé are the only remained non-infected ones. At thé Eiffel Tower, Chloé remorsefully admits to be responsible of this akuma incident.

Chloé: I'm sorry ! Ladybug: What ? Chloé: This is all my fault ! I just tried to impress Miss Bustier ans everyone but I realize I made something wrong. And now, I am disappointing you. Ladybug (a bit of fascinated): Chloé...

The blondie girl saves Ladybug by standing up against a zombizoufied Cat Noir who kisses the former.

Chloé: Save us all ! And say to Miss Bustier and the bakery girl Dupain-Cheng I am sorry for all !

Ladybug eventually defeats Zombizou, deakumatizes Miss Bustier and reverses the damages.

Like in canon, Chloé apologizes to Miss Bustier for wasting her birthday.

In the final scene from the classroom, when Alya gaslights Chloé about her behavior and shenanigans. Chloé maintains her pride.

Chloé: I apologize. But only if you and the rest of the class thank me for saving everybody. 😋 Alya: That's it. As if we're going to believe you. 😑

But Marinette takes Chloé's defense. That surprises Alya and the test of the class. The discussion:

Marinette: (to Alya) Don't be too hard with Chloé. She has been a hero today. (to Chloé) I heard you helped Ladybug and saved Miss Bustier ! Awesome ! There really is a heart beating in there after all. I hope you can help others like that. 😊 Chloé (confused, blushing): Uh... Thank you Dupain-Cheng. Oh. I'm sorry I "decorated" the gift without warning you.

And Chloé brings a golden bracelet as gift on Miss Bustier's desk. But in this AU, she exposes this object to everybody before putting it on the desk. Alya admits towards Marinette there can have a good side on Chloé anyways.

Captain Hardrock:

Today is the National Music Festival in Paris.

The story is the same as in canon.

Marinette meets Luka. She feels an interest on him.

But the bluenette is confused between Adrien and Luka (even Alya notices the "compass" thing to her).

Anarka, Luka's and Juleka's mother, is akumatized into Captain Hardrock.

Ladybug and Cat Noir are both helped by Nino, Alya, Mylène and the Kitty Section (Ivan, Rose, Juleka and Luka) for vainquish Captain Hardrock and finally to deakumatize Anarka.

Chloé doesn't appear but Alya mentions the blondie girl when she talks about the "love compass" with Marinette.

Is the compass going crazy ? If Chloé was here, her own compass should be going crazy too.

Crazy about Adrikins ? Dupain-Cheng ? Ladybug ? Luka ? I let you imagine.

Sapotis+Anansi:

Same stories as in canon.

Ella and Etta, the Alya's younger twin sisters, are both akumatized into two creatures called Sapotis. By cloning themselves, they cause big troubles in Paris.

Ladybug offers the Fox Miraculous to Alya for defeating Ella and Etta, her young twin siblings turned into Sapotis. The Ladyblogger, who meets Trixx, becomes Rena Rouge. The two heroes save the day night.

Nora, Alya's older sister, is akumatized into Anansi and she takes Alya as hostage at the Arc-De-Triomphe. Cat Noir is trapped in the spiderweb during the battle.

Ladybug gives the Turtle Miraculous to Nino for saving and protecting Alya better. Nino who meets Wayzz, becomes Carapace. Nora is eventually deakumatized, Alya is saved and Paris is repaired with the Miraculous Ladybug power.

I add the Chloé's POV about the two new superheroes:

"They are utterly ridiculous if we compare them with Ladybug and Cat Noir her sidekick. I can be a better superheroin than these two newbies."

Queen's Battle/Style Queen+Queen Wasp:

There are major changes for this (pair of) episode(s).

The Fashion Week is happening.

Audrey, the world's harshest fashion critic and Chloé's mother, comes to the event.

In this AU, Marinette is already aware about Audrey's profession. Chloé talked about her mom to Marinette during the previous years when the two girls were hanging out each other. (see Prologue)

Like in canon, Marinette is still nervous about having her hat get misjudged by Audrey (from "Mr. Pigeon").

Gabriel causes Audrey's akumatization in Style Queen.

Style Queen takes Adrien (turned into a golden statue) as hostage (at the horror of Gabriel/Hawkmoth) and Chloé as "sidekick" bringing them at the Eiffel Tower.

Ladybug fights alone against Style Queen and retreats.

In this AU, Ladybug saves Chloé from her akumatized mom. Once safe, the superheroin requests her lovesick fangirl to stay away from the akuma incident for her latter's safety. Chloé relunctantly accepts to follow her request (for now).

Marinette sees Master Fu in his massage shop. She finds out Cat Noir is unavailable (by watching and meeting Plagg on place). She invites the Kwami and takes the Bee Miraculous for finding a helpful holder.

Chloé, who stayed hidden for a few minutes, loses patience:

"Ridiculous ! I'm sure you need ME to deakumatize my mom, Ladydumb !"

She decides to run to the Eiffel Tower for confronting Style Queen.

Ladybug finds Alya at place. She is going to bring her the Bee Miraculous but the akumatized villainess ambushes them and transforms Alya into a golden statue.

At the same moment, Chloé was desperately climbing the stairs ("Why is the elevator inactive ?!"). She finds a recently-fallen-from-the-sky hexagonal box on the next stairs. She opens the box and a kwami suddenly appears in front of her (that causing her screaming). Pollen elegantly greets a surprised and confused Chloé: "Hello, my queen."

At the next upstairs, Ladybug is submerged by Style Queen's attacks (even the Lucky Charm hasn't been useless like in canon).

In the moment when Plagg shows up for activate his Cataclysm against the villainess, an unknown masked teenage girl with a bee-themed outfit appears in the sight of Ladybug from behind the enemy.

The unexpected guest fastly paralyzes Style Queen with the Venom. Ladybug realizes her mysterious savior has the Bee Miraculous.

Plagg destroys the magic force field and Ladybug can destroy the akumatized object. Style Queen's damages are reversed. Adrien and Alya are freed from the spell.

While Alya finally gets to the floor from the battle, Ladybug speaks with the new superheroin:

Chloé/The anonymous superheroin: I think that's a pleasure to me about stand with you, Ladybug. Ladybug: Thank you for the help. But... Who are you ? Anonymous superheroin: You can rely on me for supporting you, my Lady. I am Queen Bee. And now, you owe me. ❤

The bipping sounds can be heard from the Ladybug earrings and Bee hair comb.

Queen Bee (with a bit of seductive tond): I understand you want to fly away now, my Lady. -giggles- But that's the same for me. Bye ! 😘 Ladybug: Hey ! Wait !

Queen Bee blows a kiss at Ladybug before suddenly leaving the Eiffel Tower.

After the Style Queen incident, Ladybug bring back Adrien to the Fashion Week.

Gabriel (who is remorseful for endangering his son twice (Watch Gorizilla and Style Queen)) makes hisnpublic entrance at thé Fashion Week.

Marinette faces the Audrey's rating of her hat and... The latter appreciates it !

Audrey offers to Marinette to follow her to New York for learning the path of the fashion designer to her. That infuriates Chloé who calls out Audrey:

Chloé: It's... It's ridiculous! Utterly ridiculous ! I've never been to New York with you and you’re taking Marinette Dupain-Cheng ! Audrey: I'm taking her because she's exceptional Claudette. Uh— Chloé. Chloé: I'm exceptional, too ! Audrey: The only exceptional thing about you, my dear… is your mother. Chloé (exploding of ): How do you dare ? You have never paid attention to me since you were gone to New York and you come back only to say that to me ?! Pollen !

Pollen appears from the yellow jacket.

"Pollen, Buzz on !"

Everyone is shocked (especially Marinette/Ladybug who is the most shocked to see Queen Bee, her secret savior who recently helped her against Style Queen, is in fact Chloé). Everyone except Audrey who doesn't care about.

In this AU, the Subway Train incident never happens. Instead of this thing, Chloé Queen Bee commits an intrusion at the TV broadcast. On camera. On live.

Both Marinette and Adrien watch the Queen Bee's disruption appearance on TV while they go home each other.

In TVi Studio, Queen Bee holds a "speech" on broadcast:

"I am Queen Bee. Your new superhero. I put Paris under MY protection. I have a message to Ladybug: "I feel we will good besties in love and we will work together." And to Hawkmoth: "The time has come for you to be ridiculous. Utterly ridiculous !"

Later, Gabriel talks with Nooroo (who us shocked to see his master becoming Hawkmoth again):

I still have one chance, Nooroo. All is not lost. I have a unique opportunity to akumatize someone with a Miraculous. A loved one in Ladybug: Chloé Bourgeois. A superhero-turned-supervillain can only be… exceptional ! 😈

At the same moment, Ladybug and Cat Noir come to TVi Studio for take back the Bee Miraculous to Chloé.

They ask to Queen Bee to give the Bee Miraculous but she objects. When she flees away, she paralyzes Alec for distract the two heroes.

A saddened Queen Bee takes refuge at the Grand Hotel and mourns about her day she is actually living. She falls in her thoughts.

"Today, I am become an exceptional superheroin and Ladybug disapproves that ? I saved her. Mom still doesn't like me. I have even roasted Hawkmoth into Ridiculous but Ladybug rejects that ? What's wrong with me ? No ! What's wrong with her ? What's wrong with the world ?!"

Hawkmoth contacts Queen Bee. The conversation:

Hawkmoth: Queen Wasp, I am Hawk Moth. Queen Bee: How do you dare, Hawkmoth ? I don't want to breath the same as you. Hawkmoth Ladybug and Cat Noir don't want you as their friend nor their partner, so you will be their most powerful enemy. Queen Bee: Why would I take your offer ? Hawkmoth: Because you're exceptional. We can take revenge against Ladybug and Cat Noir by seizing their Miraculouses. Queen Bee/Queen Wasp: You can count on me, Hawk Moth. I'll teach them to respect me.

Queen Bee is akumatized Queen Wasp. Ladybug and Cat Noir come to the Grand Hotel. They confront the new akumatized superheroin-turned-villainess.

The battle unfolds identically like in the original story but there are slight differences.

Ladybug tries to reason Chloé/Queen Bee to counter the Hawkmoth's influence (that because Chloé already did it in Antibug (See Season 1)).

Ladybug: You didn't need to be like that, Chlo... Queen Bee. Have you forgotten the time when you were Antibug and when you rejected the akuma ? I already said you were an exceptional friend. Queen Wasp: Don't say it, Ladybug ! 😡 I only remember you're nothing but a jealous loser. Utterly jealous of me ! I just wanted to help you but you still treat me like a ridiculous ! It's too late. I'll crush you, Ladydumb ! 💀

Ladybug and Cat Noir are retreating. The red black-spotted superheroin summons the Lucky Charm like in canon. The two heroes immobilize Queen Wasp.

In this AU, Ladybug and Cat Noir don't destroy the honey comb (containing the akuma) yet. The two heroes bring Queen Wasp from the Seine to a hidden place. Ladybug makes an ultimate speech to a tied and muffled Queen Wasp Queen Bee Chloé:

Chloé... Huh... Queen Bee. I fully understand what do you want. You confessed me you love me. You wanted to side with me. Today, you accomplished it all as Queen Bee for impressing me, Paris and your mom. So I committed a mistake. I must say that to you: "Thank you for helping me, Queen Bee. You're exceptional. I'm your biggest fan and you can say everything to me." So trust me !

Thanks to Ladybug's words, an emotional and crying Queen Wasp calms down. She rejects the qakuma.

That surprises Hawkmoth (NOT AGAIN !!). That's second time someone rejects his akuma and the worst point is it's the same person who manages to do it twice.

"Queen Wasp is supposed to be my best creation. But even with a Miraculous on her, she still able to repell my akuma. 🤬 Ladybug and Cat Noir had convinced Chloé to change her mind but they made a mistake today... and there will be others. With Chloé becoming Queen Bee, knowing this brat, I still can exploit her relationship with the two heroes. This brat can be Ladybug's ally... or her latter's weakness. 😈 (to Émilie in her coffin) Then, we'll finally be together once again… my love."

Miraculous Ladybug repairs the damages and the Nadja Chamack's reporter crew comes to see Chloé for make her confront the Audrey's reaction.

Like in canon, Audrey expresses her disappointment to Chloé. But in this AU, Ladybug becomes angry and takes Chloé's defense by roasting backfiring the latter's mom. The Ladybug's line to Audrey:

"You're also wrong about your daughter not being exceptional. In fact, Chloé is exceptionally mean... Huh... She have any power enough to become a superhero. She may be more exceptional than you. Compared to you, even a rock seems more capable of becoming popular."

Chloé nervously laughs about her mom being roasted by Ladybug.

Next, she gives the Bee miraculous to Ladybug (despite she initially hesitant) because The latter had explained her to have accidentally lost the concerned artefact ans she tells the fact Hawkmoth is now aware Chloé and Queen Bee are the same person.

Like in canon, Marinette declines Audrey's offer of becoming fashion designer and "convinces" her to stay in Paris for better knowing Chloé being "exceptional" (in presence of the daughter, of course).

In this AU, After the mom-daughter moment, Chloé thanks Marinette for resolve the issue with her mom. Chloé's line:

I must recognize you're exceptional for a bakery girl, Dupain-Cheng.

Marinette eventually blushes when she listens that. 😳

We have the final scene at the Dupain-Cheng's home, where Marinette plays video games with her parents and Alya. But in this AU, Chloé and Sabrina are here too. They play video games with Marinette and Alya (and Chloé is learning how to play in this ridiculous video game named Ultimate Mecha Strike III).

Malediktator:

There are major changes for this episode.

Chloé presents to her class a video treating about an "interview between Ladybug and Queen Bee".

Like in the original story, nobody in the class isn't foolish about the footage. Meanwhile, no need of Marinette roasting Chloé about the video. Instead of that, she tempers her evaluation towards Chloé's fake documentary:

Marinette: I'm just imagining how would the real Ladybug and Cat Noir react to the video. Cat Noir might laugh. But Ladybug: It's difficult to say. Chloé (sarcastic, bit of pissed off): Thanks for your ridiculous support, Dupain-Cheng.

In this AU, Alix just says:

"She had superpowers for like one day. In the beginning, she worked well but thereafter she went totally outta control !"

Pissed off by her classmates critizing her, Chloé goes to the Mairie de Paris alongside with her mom for ordering demanding that Mayor André Bourgeois (Chloé's daddy) to close down the Françoise Dupont school. But Daddy disapproves. So both Mother and Daughter threat him they leave Paris letting him alone.

Hawkmoth takes benefit of the situation for akumatizating André into Malediktator.

The events of the story are happening like this in this AU:

When Chloé expresses to the entire school since the helicopter she goes to live to New York, everyone is happy. They celebrate that in a party.

Everyone except Adrien and Sabrina. The two latters aren't satisfied. Their childhood friend is leaving Paris with anger and sadness.

Marinette initially didn't know how to react to see Chloé's departure (in reason of her other friends Alya, Alix, Rose, Juleka and Mylène: Chloé the "semi-bully" didn't really matter for these girls) but with Adrien's speech, she feels sad about the blondie girl's departure (despite the latter's behavior of spoiled brat and bad girl, this girl was her friend and her former "love interest").

Malediktator immobilizes the Audrey's helicopter and uses his enslavement magic power for turning his awful wife into a devoted wife by using his enslavement magic power. Chloé flees the scene for taking a hide.

Malediktator attacks the school and brainwashes everyone for destroy the place here. Only Marinette and Adrien escape. And Ladybug and Cat Noir appear.

Cat Noir is enslaved and he acte like a real cat.

Marinette come to see Master Fu for help. She chooses the Bee miraculous. Master Fu has doubts about giving the honey comb to "her". Marinette reassures the old man and she goes to find "her".

Ladybug finds Chloé who is gone to hide from Malediktator. She asks to Chloé what happened for Daddy getting akumatized. The conversation:

"It has begun with my dumbasses of classmates. They don't respect me. They don't want to admit I am a superhero And I'm sure Marinette is betraying me."

Ladybug feels a bit of offended about Chloé blaming their class. Meanwhile, she reasons her:

Ladybug: I am Ladybug. You can trust me (remember Queen Wasp ↑) . You can tell me the truth. Chloé: It— it was me. I hurt my daddy's feelings. Because I want to leave Paris, forever. Ladybug: But... Why ? Because of what happened in school ? I'm sure Marinette probably didn't exactly mean what she said and I can't imagine she wouldn't want to be friends with you anymore for one second. Do you think the same thing about me ? About Adrien ? Chloé: Oh, it's not just Marinette even if I have still interest on her. Adrien is not really interested on me. The answer is I have no reason to be here: nobody likes me. I have no friends. Other kids of my school and I haven't common. They don't act like me. I'm… useless. Ladybug: A friend once told me: nobody is useless, Chloé. And another learned me: Each person has one form of power. With that power, each person has the potential of accomplish many things for the loved ones' sake. This power is: The choice. Chloé: It's easy for you to say that. You're Ladybug, a superhero. You serve the purpose. I love you so much but I think like you about power. I don't totally see what form of power you have except to fight monsters and Hawkmoth. During the next times after your entrance, I have thoughts about you ruling the entire Paris. With my dad as mayor, I have the power but something sounds wrong with that. Can your power fix up this problem ? Ladybug: Your power ? That depends of YOUR choice. And Yes, I can fix up all the messes. You said it yourself in your documentary. Chloé: You saw it ?! I'm so embarrassed. That film's ridiculous. Utterly ridiculous. I realize that now. These noobies must be surely right. I have disappointed them in addition of Marinette, Sabrina, Alya and Adrien. Ladybug: Don't worry Chloé. You can fix your own messes, if that's what you want. You, too, can serve a purpose, but you have to want to. The choice is yours. Chloé: I do want to.

And Ladybug gives the Bee miraculous to Chloé who becomes Queen Bee again.

The two superheroins confront Malediktator and defeat him in the same way as in canon. Thanks to a useful Cat-ified Cat Noir.

In the aftermath, Chloé helps his butler (she calls him "Armand" for the opportunity !).

Marinette later requests Chloé to come to the school. We reveal to the latter a surprise party celebrating Queen Bee. The line of the party is: No need of power when we need choice.

Marinette, Adrien and Alya (in addition of Sabrina) congratulate Chloé for her actions as Queen Bee and for supporting Ladybug and Cat Noir in their purpose. When Chloé expresses doubts to Dupain-Cheng about their relationship. The latter says that:

Are you calling me a traitor. You aren't disappointing, nor useless, nor ridiculous. Not utterly ridiculous. We'll still friends, Chloé. Adrien too.

In this AU, during the party, Marinette temporary leaves the school for returning back as Ladybug. During her entrance, she publicly confesses to Chloé she is prideful of her. That makes Chloé happy.

And when Marinette comes back, Chloé holds a speech what she calls the bakery girl as exceptional. She talks to every classmate from her class:

"Each of you have one power in you: The choice. And you have the pow... the choice of not to be ridiculous. Not utterly ridiculous."

Her speech inspires respect from the entire school.

Marinette/Ladybug is sure: Chloé has a good side and she is the most exceptional person Marinette knew ever (but not more than Alya, Adrien and Cat Noir).

Reverser:

Same story as in canon. But in this AU, Chloé treats Sabrina much less as a slave than in canon.

That doesn't prevent Marc/Reverser to use his/their Reversion power on the two girls.

Ladybug and Cat Noir (helped by Alix and Nathaniel) manage to deakumatize Marc.

Nathaniel and Marc reconcile together and produce their comic book together. They are a couple too now.

Heroes' Day:

This is the most important two-parter arc I like.

It's Heroes' Day in Paris and everyone must prepare a good action for others.

At the school, Marinette hastly promises a thing she can't in fact accomplish. Chloé announces to offers her autograph to anyone who wants one.

In this AU, Chloé promises (in bonus of autograph) to offer one Queen Bee's badge to anyone who wants too.

Gabriel and Nathalie execute their evil plan to drive Parisians down in despaire.

Hawkmoth akumatizes Cerise Lila into Volpina who is hateful toward Ladybug.

The trap works. Hawkmoth later akumatizes Nathalie (her assistant and accomplice) into Catalyst. She boosts the butterfly villain's powers (turning him into Scarlet Moth).

The mass akumatization happens. Ladybug sees Master Fu for choose the Miraculouses she must give to the chosen holders. She eventually takes the Fox, Turtle and Bee Miraculouses.

Ladybug finds Alya and Nino. So Rena Rouge and Carapace can join the battle.

Cat Noir is the one who gives the Bee miraculous to Chloé. In this AU, when Chloé expresses her disappointing about see another ridiculous hero instead of Ladybug, Cat Noir could say to the blondie girl:

"If Ladybug sent her "second fiddle" to do the job, it's for your safety. You should trust me like you trust Ladybug. In addition, she already trust you."

The famous "what's the magic word" scene even happens and Queen Bee joins the squad.

The battle happens. Rena Rouge, Carapace and Queen Bee are scarletakumatized.

Of course, the non akumatized Parisians help thé two remained heroes during the battle.

When Ladybug and Cat Noir manage to come to the Eiffel Tower. They escape to the Volpina's trap ans destroy the Catalyst's akumatized object (that cancels all the scarletakumatizations).

In this AU, when the five heroes were reunited again in the previously mentioned place and encircled Hawkmoth, Queen Bee briefly sees Lila flying.

But she has no time to warm the team because a Butterfly monster/SentiButterfly suddenly appears for protecting Hawkmoth. Nathalie had pulled the broken Peacock miraculous out of the locker (Mayura has begun to entrance).

After Hawkmoth's escape, the five heroes realize the two lost miraculouses are in both supervillains' hands.

Queen Bee warms Ladybug to have seen Lila. the concerned superliar girl has already disappeared too.

Lila is returned at home (the Rossi appartment. Not the Plage from the Catacombs). During her run, she has just used one of her disguises or she had just stored her Lila Rossi disguise (fake eye lenses and wig included) in a bag.

After the battle, the Miraclass eventually organizes the pic at the Place des Vosges (that frees Marinette from a burden).

In this AU, Chloé doesn't treats Sabrina as a slave nor a servant. She takes the time to eat her lunch alongside with the latter, Alya, Nino, Marinette and Adrien.

Adrien receives a phone message calling him to attend a charity event. Before leaving the place, he tells Marinette that she is a nice girl. He even calls her: The everyday Ladybug and Super-Marinette. 🐞 The bakery girl blushes.

Like in canon, Marinette kisses Adrien on the cheek and thanks him. 💋

In this AU, Chloé us thé next to talk to Marinette. She congratulates Marinette for the good atmosphere that she brings toward other people and for the "power" she's supposed to have.

Marinette thanks Chloé in return by calling her: The everyday Queen Bee. 🐝

The latter blushes and she answer to the bluenette:

"I'll remember that, Dupain-Cheng. I am the one who thank you."

Chloé kisses Marinette on the cheek. 💋 The bakery girl blushes and feels happy.

And firework in the background ! 🎆🎇✨

End of Season 2. To be continued in Season 3.

Chloenette AU prologue:

Chloenette AU Season 1

[onlyrains]

[10:32am]

— t/w: none

you and your boyfriend, fujio, is having a free time together when you receive a non-stop messages from an unknown number while laying on the bed and fujio sit on the carpet working on his new lego.

actually, you received it since last week and the first time you opened it you didn't understand the thing the sender was talking about. but then it caught your attention when they mention fujio a few times. it's getting on your nerves but you thought it wasn't a good idea too to tell him right away. so you just switch your phone to silent mode and trying to act like you're not uncomfortable.

“why is it so hard to build?” you hear your boyfriend whining. he have tried to build his lego for an hour and still can't make it.

“i can help you.” you say in a very cheerful way.

“oh, yes, please! come here,”

you sit next to him and place your phone between you two.

“you need to put on this first.” you mumble as you put a small part on its body. fujio watches you intensely and start redo it on the other side.

“ah, i know now!” he shout enthusiastically then he reach your head and kiss your forehead repeatedly. “thanks for tutoring my stupid ass, baby.”

you laugh so hard at his exaggerated reaction. “okay, okay, calm down. i'll help you finish this.” you move to the side which makes your phone visible. you glance at the screen that shows tons of message notifications on your lockscreen and think.

maybe it is the right time to tell him. you two are just chilling now and he's in a right state. the curiosity in you is also annoy you most of the time. and he needs to know anyway. so after convincing yourself, you call him.

“fujio,”

he turn immediately cause he knows something must be going on when you call him by his name.

“what did i do wrong this time, babe?” he pouts with his hand hanging.

you smile. “no. you didn't do anything wrong.”

“then what bother you?”

“do you know this number?” you show him an unknown contact info on your phone.

“i don't think so…” he frowns. “why?”

“actually,” you start. you can see his gaze is changing when he looks at you. “someone kept sending me messages since last week.” you add.

“last week?”

you nod twice. “yeah, but i was waiting for the right time to tell you.”

“what is it about? let me see.” you hand him your phone and let him read it. his expression change a lot as he scrolls the room chat from the serious one, shock, until a deep frown which the sign that he is upset.

“what is it?” you ask carefully. he clenches his jaw instead of answer it. you know something really gone wrong and it is that serious.

“is there any other number than this?” he asks in serious tone. fujio the leader of oya kou has been activated now. he is 100% sure that this is one of his enemy doings.

you shook your head. “i don't understand what they're talking about but they mentioned you. does it means you are in danger?”

fujio smile a bit and pull you to his embrace in a sec. “you don't need to worry about me.” he strokes your hair. “i'm completely fine.”

you hug him tighter. “okay, then.”

“but we still need to see todoroki and tsukasa.”

“we?”

“yes, you are coming with me.”

“just them?”

“no, we'll meet in oya tomorrow.”

you back away to meet his eyes. “the others will be there too, right?” you grin.

he nods and pull you back to his embrace. “oh my god, i didn't know i can be this excited to meet your friends?”

he giggles. “they're your friends too, pretty.”

“oh, right.”

he kiss the top of your head. “i know i’m an idiot but you know i take my love for you seriously, right?”

you nod. “i know.”

“you need to tell me immediately if you still receive messages like this, okay? thank you for letting me know.”

you smile and rest your head on his shoulder comfortably.

to be frank, his heartbeat still beating so fast but he try to control it, the same with his rage. you are now his top priority and he won't let you feel afraid or worry.

he also won't let his enemy knows that you are his biggest weakness. he may not forgive himself if something bad happens to you.

[yuurei20]

Ace Info Compilation part 14: Phantom Bride(pt2)

After the rescue from Eliza Ortho encourages Idia to thank Ace and the others for their efforts, but Ace is less than pleased with Idia’s reaction of, “Would’ve been nice if they hadn’t cut it so close.”

Idia resorts to self-degradation and Ace shifts gears to complimenting him, leading Riddle to respond, “What’s your angle?” Ace explains “I’m just stating the facts. Doesn’t Idia look cool today?…Also, the whole day culminated in him getting dumped at the alter. Who wouldn’t feel sorry for the guy?”

After receiving a wealth of compliments Idia’s mood improves to the point that he agrees, “People did call me a ‘promising prodigy’ when I was a kid. And I’ve only gotten better, so I guess it’s no surprise.”

Ace observes, “Well, you really are cool, Idia. So long as your mouth is shut.”

In the wake of the wedding the first year students are left behind to clean up the dining hall and Epel asks Ace if he has ever had feelings for anyone. (Ace responds, “What, you think I’m some kind of flirt?”)

Ace explains that he had a girlfriend in middle school and they’d go out to movies and the amusement park together, but she wouldn’t ride the rides he liked or watch the movies that he wanted to see and hanging out with her “was just plain boring,” so he ghosted her.

Ace says the worst part was “One day, a bunch of girls called me completely out of the blue. I didn’t even know who they were…they gave me the third degree! What’s up with THAT? That’s when I learned a valuable lesson: romance is way more trouble than it’s worth! It’s way more fun just chillin’ with my buds.”

(Grim follows with, “I just learned a valuable lesson too: you’re a big baby.”)

Ortho thanks Ace for saving Idia and Ace insists that he “wasn’t exactly invested. I was more caught up in the moment after escaping all those ghosts.”

Grim agrees with Ace, saying, “There ain’t no way Ace is some shining white knight at heart,” but Ortho says that “every possible data metric points to Ace having been sincere.”

Ace insists “I don’t got a romantic bone in my body! That was pure improv! I just said whatever I thought the ghost lady would buy,” but Ortho assures him that “You’d unquestionably win anyone’s heart!”

Epel says he wishes that he could have been there for Ace’s monologue and Ortho offers to send him a full recording.

Deuce says that they all should watch it together despite Ace’s protests: “None of that was the slightest bit sincere. Honest! Why’s everyone gotta mess with me like this! Seriously, can’t we just move on already?”

Rook has a voice line about Ace being “a passionate soul” who wishes that Rook wouldn’t praise him.

Phantom Bride is not Ace’s only dramatic line reading: during Spectral Soiree he stands up against a presumably possessed Malleus and declares that “The Hallowenders aren’t gonna lose…PERIOD!”, which he is later mocked for by Floyd and Leona.

[helyiios]

On danse pas

Or that one time Benji went on a solo mission.

Benji says “lol” and Ethan loses his entire fucking mind.

He’s staring at his friend through a screen, watches as he’s being reviewed by Alan Hunley, who looked extremely displeased, by the way, and he can’t help but want to make the room explode.

Or something.

“Did you just say “lol,” agent Dunn ?” the Secretary asks, closing his eyes slowly, “or did I mishear that ?”

“I don’t know what else to say ?”

“Oh, I don’t know. You could explain to me what the fuck happened during your mission, for example. Just for example.”

“Nothing went wrong with this mission.”

Ethan grimaces. With a kill count of fifty three, three civilians, a building in flames, collapsed on itself, and a few people straight up murdered, he wouldn’t say that nothing went wrong. He loves Benji, he really does, he thinks he’s a fantastic guy, truly, but they had to stop sending him on solo missions. Honestly.

“You caused an explosion in Central London,” Hunley states, spreading papers on the table, “do you know how many people got hurt ?”

“Some ?”

“Seventy six. With fifty three dead.”

“Don’t think that’s the biggest I can go,” Benji offers with a genuine smile, and Ethan slams his own head against the wall. “No but I mean, sir, no offence, but I didn’t let that building explode because I had planned it. They had extremely dangerous weapons stored there, and I can’t exactly steal a PHASR in my little purse and come back to the IMF.”

“So your plan of action was to destroy them. By fucking up the entire locals of ARCH.tech.”

“Yeah ? I mean, I stole the blueprints first, didn’t you read the report ?”

“Benjamin Dunn,” Hunley warns, voice low and dangerous, “you’re going to have to use another tone with me.”

“You’re acting like I did something crazy ! Personally, I only killed, like, ten people. Max ! The rest was the explosion.”

“Do you know how angry MI6 is about this ?”

“Well maybe if they hadn’t thrown me out back when I tried to get in they wouldn’t have had to worry about this,” Benji mumbles petulantly, crossing his arms. “Look, I’m sorry for the deaths. I didn’t mean it !”

“You’re not sorry, you don’t care !”

“It’s not like I can care about everyone in this world,” he protests with a grimace. “I’m not Mother Theresa.”

Hunley holds back a scream of frustration, choosing to rub his hands on his face instead.

One thing about Benji Dunn, is that he was efficient. When with Team Hunt, he proved to be resourceful and a master at tech related support. When alone…

Well, his first solo mission had been a breeze. He’d done his part, had come back, gotten slapped on the back, and all was great. Peachy, even. So he’d gotten cleared to get sent on more solo missions. Which always ended…correctly.

Until this one.

Where he’d gone completely looney, and pushed the big red button, and gotten a review as a thanks. And he had had the gall to be displeased about it.

“You were on the news, Benji !”

“Lol,” Benji says out loud again, like an actual fucking lunatic, “yeah, I saw. The BBC. I actually watched it from a bar. Made me blush.”

“Why aren’t you taking this seriously ?!”

“You’re making this a bigger mess than it is !”

“YOU BLEW UP A FUCKING BUILDING IN CENTRAL LONDON !” Hunley screeches, and Benji recoils a little, puckering his lips annoyedly.

“Bad foundations, what can I say.”

“I’m going to get you pulled away from field activities.”

“You can’t,” Benji notes, wiggling his index at him with a laugh, “you need me too much.”

“You’re over estimating your worth.”

“That’s mean.”

“Look,” the Secretary sighs, clenching his jaw and gritting his teeth, “can you at least admit you went a bit overboard with the whole thing ?”

The agent shrugs.

“Sure, if that makes you happy. At the end of the day, I picked up on Bailey’s fuckup at ARCH and I got the info needed. And destroyed their weapons.”

“Ah, yes, but agent Bailey did not kill fifty three people.”

“There’s no free lunch,” Benji just says, visibly very little interested in the whole thing. “Also, I made a very clear a nice report on the whole incident. You can’t even call me lazy.”

“Yes, your report was good.” A pause. “What ? That’s not the point ! Does your team know ?”

A frown.

“Why would they ? They’re not concerned by it.”

“Thought it would shock them.”

“I don’t really care,” Benji whines, “I did my bloody job and I’m getting lectured over it !”

“Well,” Hunley finally says, giving up completely, “do try not to do something like that again. Please.”

“Do you want us to, like, pinky promise ?” he offers, holding out his hand with a crooked pinky finger.

“Get out of my office, Dunn.”

The agent bursts out laughing but gets up all the same, dusting his shirt carefully.

“Oh, and Benji ?”

“Yeah ?”

“Why did you fail the MI6 entrance exam ?”

A pause.

“Psych tests,” he grimaces.

Hunley tips his head back, face in his hands.

“Yeah. Figures.”

[the-rayman-show]

.*~ Pinned post ~*.

Hi!!!! Welcome to a really cool Fake Rayman (Captain Laserhawk) rp blog based mostly just on headcanons lol. I believe I'm the first person to make a solely CLH-based RP blog

I'm also a big Rayman fan even outside of CLH so if you have questions about Rayman lore or tidbits send it to my main account and I'll try my best to answer 👍

Quick character/rp info (that isn't in bio): It is bisexual with a male preference!

He kinda knows something's up with Eden but honestly he doesn't care because he gets to make Rayman's life worse. Lol.

Follows the "Raymesis is Bad Rayman from Rayman 1" theory also btw.

Mod's personal ship is one-sided towards Ramon or just Ramon/Fake but in like a weird gay way not an actual official relationship, but I'm pretty much chill with whatever as long as it interests me at least a little. Multi-shipping/polyamory is fine.

I am a casual roleplayer so apologies if we get into a RP and it seems like I'm not taking it seriously. Over the years it just feels awkward for me to write seriously sometimes.

I headcanon that it and Red on friendly terms because Rayman haters stay winning or whatever lol

Read bio for more info.

Rules: Idk man if I'm uncomfortable I'll tell you.

No sex rp.

Do NOT insert your character into the backstory/past of my character in ANY way unless you are playing a character that Raymesis would know at least a little bit or have heard of because I hate it when people do that, ie. No saying "oh my OC is friends with it!" Sure maybe in your interpretation! ANY kind of relationship that isn't pre-established by my canon will have to be built up to, it will not go your way from the get-go.

Will add more rules if needed. Also pleaaaasse tag me in any new CLH or Rayman RP blogs created would be much appreciated thanks.

Other CLH/Rayman roleplay blogs (I own none of these.):

Dolph Laserhawk [CLH]: @captdolphlaserhawk

Bullfrog [CLH]: @thefinalsight

Bullfrog... 2! [CLH]: @thegreatestguild

Ramon [CLH]: @gunsblazingg

Virtual/TV Rayman [CLH]: @h3y-rayman-kids

Jade [CLH]: @personalreporter

Red [CLH]: @lazerl0zer

Alex Taylor [CLH]: @rand0mwe1rd

Fakeman... 2! [CLH]: @rayplacement

Rayman [RM]: @limblessher0

The Magician/Ales Mansey [RM]: @mrdarksnumberonefan

Betilla [RM]: @the-fairyy

Ly [RM]: @fairlyly

Playthrough Raymesis [RM]: @raymanh8r

The Rabbids, all of them [RM]: @raving-rabbids

My other Rayman blog!

Playthrough Rayman [RM]: @rayman2beachball

Alright! Ask away!

[gothoffspring]

Template to send to EA regarding Paywallers.

Hey y'all! I had an anon ask about this, so I wrote this up real quick for anyone who doesn't have the time or ability to pen a long thing to send to EA about the paywallers. Feel free to change it up as much as you'd like, add even more paywallers (highly recommend this), do whatever you want, let's REPORT REPORT REPORT 💖

How to report:

To report Mods, give us the details right here on EA Help:

Click Contact Us from any page on EA Help.

We recommend logging in to your EA Account.

Select The Sims 4. If needed, use the search bar to find the game.

Select your Platform.

For Topic, select Report concerns or harassment.

For Issue, choose Report website.

From here, you’ll open a webform to let us know more about what happened. Please provide a link to the Mods you think break the rules, and as much detail as you can about why. Your report will be reviewed by our team.

Then you just enter your name/email (which isn't shared with anyone but EA)

Here's my lil template! THIS HAS BEEN CENSORED. In my actual report I listed their full names, and patreon/tumblr pages. I HIGHLY recommend you check out mack3030's anti perma paywall posts. Give EA as MUCH info as you can on this. The more of us that report the better off we'll be. Also i borrowed a little bit of wording from @myshunosun (the distribution and installation part) sorry but it sounded nice and I couldn't think of how else to phrase it.

My Template:

I made the subject "Custom Content in the Sims community- perma paywallers"

"Hello there, my name is ______, and I have been an avid sims fan and consumer for MANY years. It has recently come to my attention that EA has released an official article on the distribution and installation of mods and custom content. It states to reach out if we find any mods that go against the guidelines in this article. As a community, we know of MANY people who permanently lock their custom content behind what we call 'paywalls', which means simmers have NO access to them unless they pay. This is clearly against EA's policies and I would now like to report them to you in the hopes that you will not let this continue any longer. As someone who has already spent hundreds on this game and franchise, I believe it is wrong in so many ways to lock content using EA's intellectual property/program/meshes behind paywalls when it is clearly against your policy. Following is a list of some of the most notorious paywallers in the community.

S*xamcc

currently makes over 10k a month from perma paywalling their custom content. They have removed thier public patron amount due to the backlash they have received. This is unacceptable when EA CLEARLY states that mods are NOT to be sold. This creator will continue to lock all of their content behind paywalls until someone stops them.

Other perma paywallers:

antos*ms, bergd*rf, cowbu*ld, P*xel V*bes

Thank you so much for reading my report and taking what we as a community have been against for so long seriously. I greatly hope that you look at these reports and do something about these creators."

[finniestoncrane]

🍦 with AK! Scarecrow? That would make my heart go doki-doki like an anime protagonist

Cleansing Aftermath

Arkham!Scarecrow x Female!Reader, word count: 600 lmao me TOO!! i want to peel that burlap off and get it washed with the nicest and most sensitive fabric softener while i get him all scrubbed up (i'm brushing his teeth too) also the desire to draw this man in a bath with a rubber pumpkin (or crow, thank you server!) was strong enough that i will be doing that as soon as possible 🎃🧡 request info • prompt list • send me a request • kofi • masterlist minors DNI!! 🔞 cw: blood mention, injury mention, mention of sickness, bathing

You dipped your hand, cloth gripped tight, back into the murky brown water, tinged with remnants of grease, slivers of blood, and various bits of grime and dirt. At one point you’d seen him pick a shard of something bright and shining from one of the wounds on his side and flick it into the horrid soup he was stewing in with a half-amused sentiment.

“Everything comes to the surface.”

“Shall I run a magnet over you, instead of a cloth?”

Jonathan had seen his fair share of violence, not just that orchestrated by his own hand. Constant beatings from Gotham’s praised vigilante, an assault by a reptilian monster, poor living conditions, a childhood of abuse. The number of injuries that marred his body was too much to count, and he couldn’t even remember them all anymore. Every so often, a shrapnel of history would dislodge itself from within his skin. This one likely finding it’s way to the surface as a new gash on his arm was opened over older scar tissue.

“How interesting that the edge of his ridiculous weapons would open an old wound and let loose the point of an old one. At the very least, the new models seem less brittle.”

There wasn’t much that Jonathan couldn’t take in his stride, and while normally you might panic at the first sigh of injury, of blood dappled on his long coat, staining the metal of his leg brace as it trickled down from his arm and side to his feet, his calm and collected mannerisms always served to keep you from a panic. But it was often a source of irritation, how flippant he could be about his own safety. As dry as his wit was, it still felt puerile to make light of the situation.

“Jonathan. Please take this seriously.”

He let his fingers skim over the top of the water, through the thing froth of soap bubbles that survived the already lengthy cleansing he had gone through. His eyes looked to you where you knelt beside him, arms resting on the edge of the tub, chin resting on your arms. With what he could muster of a smile, he apologised silently, the intent behind his clouded eyes obvious, maybe not to everyone, but to you at least. With your hand on his shoulder, you rubbed in gentle circles with your fingers until he let out a groan that vibrated through the chest infection that had embedded itself within him a few weeks ago.

“You need medicine.”

You reached to press your hand to his sternum, trying to feel for any signs of a more serious infection, not really knowing what you were looking for beyond rattling wheezes and perhaps an irregular heartbeat. But, sending what you were trying to do, he placed his fingers slowly and softly around your wrist, holding you there, steady, as he chastised you with the kind of gentle care you’d come to know well.

“I just need time to recover. To gather myself. I’ll heal when I have time, physically anyway. And I’ll have time once I’ve begun to heal emotionally. That, unfortunately, requires a great deal of risk.”

There was no point in arguing with him. He knew best, even when you disagreed with him you knew that to be a fact. So instead, you did as you usually did, dedicating yourself to helping him recover, to offer him moments of rest that you hoped amounted to something bigger. Fingers trailing from his shoulder to his chest, you pushed down gently, watching him sink lower into the bath, his muscles relaxing as the lukewarm water covered him up to his chin.

[riddle-me-ri]

A/N: shhh no I don't have a problem, I dunno what you're talking about..this isn't my third Miguel fic in a row hnng…but also thanks so much love on the first two! Seriously, I'm blown away! Anywho, if there's anything I'm a sucker for writing about its…like character deep dives. I like to get in their heads and kinda make my own interpretations or take to the best of my ability while staying true to what we know of the character. And while it's kind of a "x reader" it's not until the very very end. Also if you guys have any requests or ideas feel free to send them my way! It may take time but I'd love to hear any ideas! Here's a link for my request info!

Trigger Warning: none, some depressive/angsty thoughts cause it's Miguel and his backstory so...rip and also unsure if I used resentment right or not I like one word titles rip

Word Count: 1k

Miguel O'Hara x Reader - A Long Way To Happy

Miguel's eyes strained at the screen once more. 

It probably wasn't healthy watching back these tapes from a universe that once was. Over and over, and over again. 

He sees himself. A big proud grin on his face. A darling little girl propped on his shoulders, smiling, laughing, living…

Miguel doesn't even recognize that man anymore.

It is him, sure. 

Exactly where he shouldn't have been. Filling in the shoes of an alternate him that was supposed to not be there. 

Miguel O'Hara wasn't supposed to be there for his daughter's games and practices. He wasn't supposed to wake her up and cook breakfast or tuck her into bed and wish her sweet dreams. 

But he was…and now Gabriella and that entire universe was destroyed. 

All because he was careless, selfish, foolish. He let his own desires get in the way of protecting and maintaining the multiverse. 

Not again. He knows the risks now, the sacrifices that are endured whenever someone tries to go against the silk of a predetermined web. 

Miguel won't let himself get distracted, get pulled away. He doesn't care what the others think, he doesn't care if he's not as warm and bubbly as the other Spiders…he was never entirely like them anyway. 

Maybe before, but that man was long gone, only to be seen on film. 

He won't slip up again. Now that there's holes and anomalies popping to and from universes…there's no time for indulgences or distractions. 

After he swallowed the growing lump in his throat on seeing a beaming Gabriella hugging him. He turned off the video and began a routine scan for anomalies. 

Then he felt a sudden weight along his back along with some soft coos. 

When he turned his neck he was greeted by a sweet baby face with a mop full of red curly hair. The baby smiled widely at him before continuing her trail. 

Miguel sighed. 

This…this was not helping…

It just…it didn't feel fair. It wasn't fair. 

Miguel shook his head. 

It's not Peter's fault he didn't have Gabriella and Peter could be a dad to Mayday. 

Then he thought of Jessica with her mystery baby on the way…

Miguel wasn't sure how he'd feel if she had a girl. 

This has to be his punishment. 

He obliterated an alternate universe by filling in for that universe's Miguel O'Hara because he wanted a family…because he wanted what that Miguel had. 

He deserves this. To be surrounded by happy families and precious babies. 

At least the multiverse was stable and safe enough to where they felt comfortable starting families.  

Miguel doesn't want to feel this resentment. He knows it's childish, so he buries it deep along with his traumatic memories of his daughter glitching out of existence. 

He distracts himself by staying focused. Pushing, pulling, and commanding the Spider Society. Maintain order in the multiverse, that's what he should have been doing to begin with. 

Perhaps then he can be redeemed…for his own sake. 

Until then, he had no reason to be playful and carefree like the others. He had no reason to pursue his wants, not after what happened the last time he did so. 

Then there was you. 

Bright-eyed and bushy tailed as all the other Spiders (well most of them). You were personable, kind, and sweet. Peter said you also had a sense of humor, leaving Miguel to still be the only Spider without one. 

Miguel didn't think much of you at first. Just another part timer perhaps. May catch a glimpse of you every once in a while. 

That is until you almost went out of your way to see him or do things for him. You always checked on him once if not twice a week. (He almost wishes you'd visit more so than Peter B.) And every now and then he'd notice a tray of food for him.  

He did take notice of your prowess on missions. He always appreciated a competent agent. This led him to have you on his backup team with Jessica. 

Needless to say, he did feel…content with you. Which was something he hadn't felt in a long time.

"Oh, geez, there you are, Mayday! Your daddy's looking everywhere for you." Your voice echoed throughout Miguel's headquarters as you swung up on your silk to retrieve the baby. 

"God, sorry Miguel, I turned my back for a minute and she's gone. Should've figured she wanted to see her favorite uncle." You chuckled as you pried the baby off Miguel's shoulders. 

"I doubt that." He sighed. 

"What?" 

"Nothing." 

You nodded. 

You noticed a familiar tab open on the hologram beside the tab he had open with a map of the multiverse. You recognized the name and date. 

You sighed as you began turning around ready to hand Mayday back to her dad who was sparring in the training room. 

Until you looked over your shoulder at Miguel slumped over his desk. His eyes heavy with exhaustion and his lips down in a depressed frown. 

"You know, you don't have to take this burden on your own. You have us…and the whole society…and everyone's happy…content for the most part. Outside of canon stuff anyway but…" You took a deep breath, trying to control your rambling to a minimum. 

"Look, I just…want you to know…you deserve happiness too." You concluded. 

As if to agree, Mayday squealed and kicked her feet in your arms.

Miguel didn't respond. He straightened his posture so he wasn't leaning and he glanced at you over his shoulder. He solemnly nodded and nothing else. 

Finally deciding there was nothing more to say, you began shooting your webs and swinging out of his headquarters. The quiet room is filled with echoes of Mayday's laughs and chortles. 

When Mayday's noises faded. Miguel brought the video back up. 

He paused when the video reached the end. 

A close-up of him. A ghost of him.

Was it possible? Could he be happy again? Should he be? Did he really deserve to be?

Where resentment slightly gnawed in his gut. The idea of becoming content made it fade away. Actually, indulging in other relationships while also protecting the multiverse. Not trying to control something that even he and Lyla have minimal understanding of and controlling a plethora of other individuals. 

Miguel can't change what's happened, that is for certain. He can control what he does today and the next though. 

It's going to be a long way to happiness. Yet, he couldn't help but think with someone like you around…it may make the journey a little easier.

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA for sending my mutual anon hate because it was the only way she would listen to me then breaking the mutual when she took anon off???

my mutual (f, like 16 to 18 while we knew each other) and i (genderfluid, 17 to 19) became mutuals back in 2021 since we had some shared fandoms. (genshin, bnha, naruto, etc). imma call her rose. rose seemed nice and pretty funny so i thought she was chill and we ended up adding each other on discord a few months into the mutualship. we were casual friends tho and only really talked abt fandom stuff

a big thing w/ her tho was that she thought she was hot shit for having 1000 followers on tumblr and she took anons super seriously cuz, in her own words, "i know anons can be anyone but most likely theyre one of my close followers and i want to be loyal to them". like she would call them smth like her "anon gang" and make posts thanking people if they sent a lot of asks. she was a wannabee infulencer on tiktok & insta so i think she translated that on tumblr too. but i quickly realized that meant she took what anons said seriously.

one time, i said she should change her theme colors because they were major eyestrain (bright orange background with teal text) and she told me "nah i like it this color, no one has complained." i waited two weeks... then sent an anon saying "im sorry ur theme is rly eyestrainy :((" and she immediately replied with "i looked up color palettes that are easier on the eyes and changed it!! i hope that helps"

and so basically after that, if i ever had an issue with her stuff, i would send an anon in instead of telling her because it would work. i need her to trigger tag smth? send her anon asking it, she would do it. do i think she needs to tag really long posts? send her anon, she would do it. do i think she has a bad take on a ship i like?? send her an anon, she would apologize and rewrite the post to be nicer / fairer. because otherwise she would just go "ehhh its fine" to my face and refuse to consider it because "idk thats just ur opinion im just doing my own thing"

but like a few months back ig she got into a bad fight with someone popular in a big anime fandom so /their/ followers started sending anon hate, so she got overwhelmed and turned it off. after a month i asked her if she was planning to turn it back on and she said she was actually gonna keep it off indefinitely cuz ""as much as i like my anon gang sometimes its nicer not having to respond to so many requests"

so i waited like a few weeks, quietly broke the mutual and unfriended her on discord because with the amount of issues i had with her blog / vibe was not worth it if she did not have anon turned on. i didnt send any rude messages, i always asked politely and i was always friendly to her face when we dm'd. aita???

What are these acronyms?

[jule1122]

Malex Fic - Am I Giving Enough?

Happy Holidays @miniastrophysicist! I hope you enjoy your @rnm-secret-santa gift. It is a post canon fic focusing on Alex and Michael's path to adopting their first child. There is some emotional hurt/comfort, but it's mostly about them loving and supporting each other on this journey.

I did research the adoption process in New Mexico and stayed as close to it as I could, but I did add and change things to fit the story.

Thank you@angrycowboy for being a wonderfully supportive beta.

Title from "Columbia" by Local Natives

Am I Giving Enough on AO3

Summary: Michael will be a wonderful father, Alex knows this. It's his own ability to be a good parent he questions.

Michael brings it up on a Tuesday, a month after their first anniversary.  They’re sitting on the couch together, watching a documentary about echolocation in whales and bats, cuddling and stealing kisses during the commercials.  Alex knows he wants to spend the rest of his life just like this.

“I was thinking,” Michael begins as the credits roll.  

Alex turns off the television and turns to give Michael his full attention.  “About what?” he asks gently when he sees the way Michael is twisting his hands.

“I got the schedule for the adoption orientation meetings, and the one closest to Roswell is in three weeks,” he takes a deep breath and looks at Alex seriously. “I think we should go.”

It feels like all the air has been sucked out of the room.  Alex stares at Michael for a minute before his brain kicks back in.  “Orientation, yeah we can, I mean we should,” he stumbles.

“It’s the first step,” Michael reminds him - as if they hadn’t researched and talked about this before.  “We have to go before we can apply or anything, and this seemed like our best chance.”

“No, you’re right,” Alex squeezes Michael’s hand and tries to smooth over his misstep.  “It makes sense to go when it’s close to home.  Just send me the info, and I’ll put it in my calendar,”

“Are you sure?” Michael asks.

“Of course.  You know I should take Charlie out,” he adds before Michael can ask him any more questions.  Charlie - the retriever mix Michael brought home from the junkyard a few months ago - has been sleeping at their feet and grumbles when Alex nudges him.  But he gets up and follows Alex when he calls, sharper than he meant to, “Charlie, door.”

Michael doesn’t bring it up again, but Alex can feel the careful way Michael watches him when they get ready for bed.  He turns out the light quickly and pulls Michael close, his whispered good night a plea for Michael to leave it alone for now.

The next day Alex stops by the Wild Pony on his way home from work.  It’s early enough that he knows Maria can take a break to talk to him.  He’s barely started on his beer when she sits down across from him.

Maria studies him for a moment, narrows her eyes and demands, “What’s wrong?”

“I fucked up, with Michael,” he clarifies.  Maria doesn’t say anything, just stares at him until he starts talking again.  “He brought up adoption, and I froze.”  

“I thought you talked about kids before?”

“We have, but it was always something we would do someday.  Now Michael thinks this could be that someday, and I panicked,” Alex shrugs.  “He hasn’t said anything, but he definitely noticed.”

“So what are you going to tell him,” Maria asks.  “Have you changed your mind about wanting a family?”

“No, I still want that.  I just thought we had more time.  We’ve only been married a year, and for the first time in my life I’m really happy,” Alex can’t help smiling when he thinks about his life with Michael.  “I don’t know if I’m ready to change that.”

“Wanting more time isn’t a bad thing, and I’m sure Michael will understand.  But I don’t think that’s the only problem,” Maria adds.

“Michael’s always known what he wants - marriage, kids, a white picket fence and a dad band.  He’ll be an amazing father.”

“What about you?” Maria asks when he doesn’t say anything else.

“All I ever wanted was out, and then I wanted Michael.  I never pictured myself as a father because I don’t know what one should be.  It took me over ten years to figure out how to love Michael.  I can’t ask a child to wait for me to figure my shit out.”

“Alex,” Maria takes his hand.  “You’re being too hard on yourself.  I know you don’t see it, but you are a caretaker at heart.  Look at everything you did for Mimi, the way you welcomed Greg back into your life, all the risks you took to protect the people you love.  You may not think you know how to love people, but we all feel it.”

“Maria,” Alex looks away to hide the tears in his eyes.

“You need to talk to Michael, Alex, you know that.  You’ll be a wonderful father, if that’s what you want.  If you aren’t ready now, just be honest about that.  But if it really is fear holding you back, have more faith in yourself. Besides you already have Charlie,” Maria teases, knowing Alex needs the mood lightened.

“Charlie is a dog,” he gives Maria an unimpressed look.

“A dog with homemade food, more toys than most children and who you or Michael take to work if you think he looks lonely.”

“You might have a point,” Alex concedes with a sheepish smile. They talk for a few more minutes, general catch up, until Maria gets called back to work by one of the bartenders.  “Thank you,” Alex hugs her before he leaves, feeling more settled than when he arrived.

The house is quiet when he gets home.  Alex laughs, thinking of Maria’s teasing when he realizes Michael must have taken Charlie to the junkyard with him.  So Alex starts dinner and throws in a load of laundry.  A few minutes after he takes the lasagna out of the oven, Michael walks in, Charlie at his heels.

“Smells good,” he compliments before greeting Alex with a kiss.

“Thanks, you want to shower while it cools?”

“Only if you come with me,” Michael pulls at Alex's hand.

It’s easy to follow.  To let Michael run the water hotter than Alex would and set up the shower chair.  He pulls Michael into his lap and washes his hair for him, loving the way Michael arches into his touch.  Michael stands up long enough to wash himself quickly while Alex does the same, then he’s back in Alex’s lap.

“My turn,” he says, reaching for the shampoo.

It doesn’t take long, but Michael lingers.  Running his hands through Alex’ hair long after the shampoo is rinsed out, kissing his neck and mindlessly rolling his hips into Alex’s.  

“Let me,” Alex says when the friction is just shy of enough.  He reaches down and strokes their cocks together, everything slippery and warm, his hand gliding easily until they both come.

Michael pours them each a glass of wine with dinner, and Alex lets himself relax into the evening, waiting until they’re once again cuddling on the couch to bring up his concerns.

“I’m sorry about last night,” he begins.

“You don’t need to be sorry,” Michael tells him.  “But I do want you to tell me what’s wrong.  I thought this was something you wanted too.”

“It is.  I do want a family with you.  But realizing it might actually happen scared me.”  It’s hard for Alex to admit that, but he pushes forward.  “When I think about us having kids, I can see you with them, but I can’t figure out how I fit in.  I am afraid I won’t know how to be a parent.”

“Alex, I’ve always wanted kids, you know that.  But I would never force that on you.  And I wouldn’t,” Michael pauses before speaking again.  “I wouldn’t bring kids into a home if I wasn’t sure they would be safe and loved.  I know your heart, Alex, maybe better than you do.”

Alex kisses Michael softly then rests his head on his shoulder.  “You think I can do this?”

“I do,” Michael reassures him.  “But you don’t have to.  Especially if you’re only doing it for me.”

“I wouldn’t be,” Alex shakes his head and kisses Michael’s shoulder.  “The orientation is just the first step right?”

“Right, and the whole process takes time.  They aren’t just going to hand a bunch of kids over to us after a presentation.  It’s not a commitment.”

“But it’s a start.  I think we should go.”

“If you’re sure,” Michael confirms.

Alex might never be completely sure, but he knows he wants to try.  “I am.”

Alex doesn’t know if it is intentional, but the orientation feels like a support group meeting.  The chairs are arranged in a semicircle surrounding a long table for the speakers.  There’s coffee and water for tea and a platter of cookies from one of the big chain stores.  

There are only about ten other people there, and while Michael chats with the couple closest to them, Alex sits silently, clutching Michael’s hand.  They are asked to introduce themselves, and he lets Michael handle that too, smiling when he says “this is my husband Alex.”  But he lets the rest of the introductions fade into the background as he studies the room for exits, checks for threats he knows aren’t there.

The first half is a presentation reviewing the steps of the adoption process.  Alex and Michael know them - application, 32 hour parenting class, 4 mandatory counseling sessions, home study, interviews with family and friends.  Alex’s mind stumbles on the last one, grateful again his father is dead.  He knows, though, he never would have attempted this if Jesse were still alive, never would have taken the risk, no matter how small, that Jesse could hurt another child.

Michael’s a little restless during the presentation, and Alex doesn’t blame him.  The material is dry, and Michael has it all memorized.  But Alex appreciates how each step is broken down in detail.  It helps him to treat this like a  mission with a series of individual tasks they can accomplish in pursuit of a larger goal.

They take a break after, and Alex tries to socialize a bit while he makes himself and Michael each a cup of bad coffee.  Alex has spent so much of his life hiding, it’s hard for him to answer questions without searching for an ulterior motive, and he’s relieved when they are called back to their seats.

For the next hour, three couples talk about their adoption experience.  Alex appreciates that they don’t try and sugarcoat it.  They do talk about the good stuff - the first time their adopted child calls them mom, the first Christmas they got everything on the list from Santa, seeing their child graduate, even grandchildren.  But they talk about the hard parts too - the kids who will never call them mom and dad, the older children who needed a mentor more than a parent and don’t keep in touch, hearing the horrors their children experienced and knowing they can never make it all go away.

Some of the couples look at each other nervously, and Alex wonders if they will change their minds.  He wouldn’t blame them, but Alex feels better after hearing the stories and realizing that it’s hard for everyone, that he won't be the only one who struggles.  

When Michael asks him what he thinks on the way home, he's able to be honest when he answers, “I think we can do this.”

They fill out the application that night, and two weeks later they have their intake interview with a social worker named Beth.  Alex did his research before the appointment and knows Beth is a few years older than they are and has worked for New Mexico’s Children, Youth and Families Department since she received her Masters Degree.  She is welcoming and cheerful in a way that makes Alex want to ask her how she hasn’t burned out yet.

They talk about their schedules and hobbies, the people in their lives, and it’s easy in a way Alex knows not to trust.  

Beth’s smiling when she tells them they’re almost done, but Alex can tell from how she’s watching them, the calculation in her eyes, that this is probably the only part of the whole interview that matters.  “Last question, why adoption with CYFD?  There are other, easier, ways to start a family.  So why choose this?”

“Like I told you,” Michael begins, “I grew up in the system.  And while I’d like to believe it’s gotten better, even good foster homes can’t replace a family. They’re good kids, stuck waiting for someone to love them, and if Alex and I can do that for at least a few of them, we want to.”

Alex squeezes Michael’s hand and wishes for the millionth time he could go back and change things for him.  Beth turns her attention to him, and he knows he needs to answer, that he can’t rely on Michael to carry him through this.  “One thing you’ll find out eventually is that I grew up in an abusive home,” Alex clears his throat and forces himself to keep talking.  “Michael and I both know what it’s like to grow up without a safe or loving home.  And what I didn't realize until I was older is how much that affects everything you do, every choice you make.  It limits your life in ways you don’t notice because you are so busy trying to survive that you can’t really dream or take risks.  We can give that, a safe and loving home, for kids who need it so they’ll be able to be who they want to be, not just who they are allowed to be.”

He can see Michael trying to hide his surprise - not at one Alex said, but that he was willing to share it with someone else.  Beth seems pleased with his answer though, so Alex thinks his discomfort is worth it.  Alex isn’t  sure it will ever be easy for him to share his feelings, but  opening up to Michael is the best thing he’s ever done, now he just has to keep trying.

“Ok,” Beth clasps her hands together, bringing their attention back to her.  “Let’s talk next steps.  You can register for the parenting class online, and Caleb will be your therapist.”  She slides a business card across his desk.  “You can call his office to set up your appointments.  Once those two things are done, we’ll move on to interviews with your family and friends, background checks for anyone who might be alone with the children.  Then your home study, and you’ll be in the home stretch.”

They decide to start with the parenting classes, partly because they are only offered a few times a year and partly because neither of them are eager to dive into counseling.  It’s obvious most of the other participants view the class as a formality - a box to be checked off rather than something they need.  And Alex understands, the information is basic, designed to cover the most common questions and scenarios, but it hits him and Michael differently.

They even joke about it with Sam and Meredith, an older couple in the class.  They had their children young and decided fostering was the best answer to their empty nest syndrome.  “It was either this,” Meredith explained, “or pestering our children for grandkids we know they aren’t ready for.”

“This class must be pretty useless to you,” Michael remarks.  “You already raised your kids, you know what you're doing.”

“One thing we definitely learned,” Sam says with a laugh, “is that when it comes to kids you never really know what you are doing.  This early stuff is old hat, we know what we need for the house, know kids need clothes and toys.  But we are hoping they’ll talk more about how to help kids through the transition to foster care, how to make them feel like it is a home, even if it’s temporary.  That’s what we need.”

“Do you think we’ll learn anything that will prepare us for that?” Alex asks.

“No, not really,” Meredith admits.  “But any tips will help.”

It’s one of those early sessions that leaves Michael quiet and withdrawn.  Even Alex isn’t giving the presenter his full attention - periodically checking his email - while they review the physical requirements expected of a foster home.  He can feel the disinterest in the room as the topics reviewed feel like they should go without saying - running water and electricity, enough beds for all the children in the home, supervision to make sure the children attend school, commitment to providing fresh, hot meals.

But Alex feels Michael tense beside him, and he remembers nothing should be taken for granted.  Michael’s quiet all night, hanging back while Alex talks to Sam and Meredith about good places to shop for children’s furniture and clothing.  He doesn’t say much on the way home either, waiting until they are in bed - Alex wrapped around him from behind and Charlie sprawled across their feet - to bring it up.

“Do you think there were families like Sam and Meredith then, and what - I just didn’t get them?” he finally asks.  “Bad luck of the draw?”

Alex hesitates because there is no good answer.  “I think there have always been good and bad families, all we can hope is they are getting better at weeding out the bad.”

Michael snorts.  “Can’t do much worse than they did with me.”

“You deserved better,” Alex tells him, slipping his hand under Michael’s tank top and resting it over his heart.  “You deserved better then and you deserve better now.”

“I have better now,” Michael squeezes Alex’s hand.  “I have the best now, but when you take a kid with a shit life and tell them you are going to make it better only to put them in a situation that’s just as bad, if not worse, it’s pretty hard for them to believe they deserve better.”

Alex knows there is nothing he can say to heal that hurt so he kisses the back of Michael’s neck and holds him tighter.

As the class progresses, it’s Alex who becomes unsettled.  The focus shifts to understanding what traumas children in the system might have gone through, and how to handle common parenting situations.  Participation becomes part of the class as they are asked to share ideas and concerns as a group.  The more Alex listens and hears what a family should be like, the more he realizes just how much Jesse hurt him.

It’s not just the physical abuse - Alex likes to think he came to terms with that years ago.  But it’s seeing how Jesse harmed him in other ways. How he isolated Alex, by restricting his free time and more tellingly by turning his brothers against him.  Jesse continually set Alex up for failure and then used his failure against him as an example of weakness.  He singled Alex out for criticism and punishment in ways that made it seem like Alex was the problem.  

In hindsight, Alex realizes they should have taken a break after the parenting classes before scheduling their counseling sessions.  They wanted to keep the process moving, but Alex was resistant to therapy in general, and going into when he was haunted by Jesse in ways he hadn’t been since the first months after his death was not his best decision.

They meet up with Maria the night before the first session, and the familiar comfort of spending time with her lulls him into a false sense of security.

“I can’t believe you're going to a therapist named Caleb,” she teases.

“What’s wrong with Caleb?” Michael asks at the same time Alex says, “I researched him, and his qualifications are legitimate.”

Maria ignores Alex and answers Michael instead.  “I don’t know, Caleb just sounds like a frat boy.”

“I think you’re confusing Caleb with Chad,” Alex smirks at her.

Maria sticks her tongue out in response.  “But seriously,” she says after they stop laughing, “how are things going?”

“Good,” Michael says, looking to Alex for confirmation.  Alex nods and pulls Michael closer against his side.  “We have a lot left to do, but each step we take makes it feel more real, like it will actually happen.”

“I can’t believe it,” Maria shakes her head.  “I guess if any of us were going to be parents, it would be you two.  But still.”

“We’ve got some time left before that happens,” Alex reassures her.  “Did I tell you we’re looking for a house?”

“No!  You want to move?”

Alex shrugs, “I wasn’t thinking about a family when I bought the house.  We need something with more bedrooms and a bigger yard.”

Maria looks at him, and Alex can tell she’s trying to read him, see if his doubts are lingering.  Whatever she finds makes her smile, “Not that you need it, but good luck - with the house and all of it.”

Alex wishes for Maria’s luck when Michael slams the door open after they come home from their first session with Caleb.

“What the hell was that, Alex,” he demands.

“I don’t know why you’re mad at me.  I didn’t do anything,” Alex insists even though he knows that’s not exactly true.

“That’s one way to put it,” Michael agrees sarcastically. “You barely said a word, and you looked at Caleb like he was one step away from becoming the subject of a Deep Sky investigation.  Could you have made it any more obvious that you didn’t want to be there?”

“That’s not what I was doing.”  Alex reaches for Michael only to sigh when Michael crosses his arms and steps back.  “I need this session to study him, to figure out what he wants from me.”

“What does that even mean?”

“There were times in the Air Force - after a bad mission or after I got hurt - that I had to be cleared before returning to duty.  It was routine, we knew what to say.  ‘Loss of life is regrettable but unavoidable.  My belief in our mission remains steady.’  And just as important we knew what not to say.  You didn’t admit that you hadn’t slept for a week because of nightmares or that you had no idea what the actual mission was.  I don’t know the script here, and I just need time to figure it out.”

“Alex,” Michael sits on the couch and holds out his hand for Alex to join him.  “This isn’t a test.”

Alex sits next to Michael, but only raises a brow in response.

“Ok,” Michael concedes, “ it is a test.  But not one you need to cheat to pass.”

“We were trained to say the right thing, to never consider the truth.”  Alex picks up Michael’s hand, playing with his fingers before lacing them with his. “I’m not trained for this, and I don't want to screw this up for us.”

“You won’t.  I know it’s hard, and there are secrets we have to keep.  But we aren’t trying to win here, we’re trying to be good parents.  Obviously, we can’t tell Caleb I am an alien,” Michael begins.

“Or that my father ran a prison for aliens and my brother killed him,” Alex finishes.

“So those are things that are off limits,” Michael laughs.  “But who we are, the things we went through, and who we want to be, we don’t have to be ashamed of any of that.  We’re good people Alex, we don’t need to hide that.”

“I love you,” Alex tells him because he has to.  Michael’s come so far, and Alex won’t let his fear hold him back.  “I’ll try next time.”

“I love you too. And you won’t be there alone.  I’ll be right there with you.”

It’s still hard at the next session to open up.  He listens to Michael talk about his fear of not being good enough, of always being the one left behind.  Pride at Michael’s courage and honesty wars with his own guilt for being one of the people who left Michael behind.  They’ve been holding hands since they sat down, and Alex rubs his thumb in soothing circles as Michael talks.

When Caleb turns his attention to Alex, he grips Michael’s hand tightly as he stumbles through a description of his childhood, the hole his mother’s absence left, and the fear his father instilled in him.

Caleb studies him for a moment before asking, “What’s the worst thing your father did to you?”

Alex opens his mouth, but nothing comes out.  He turns to Michael, can’t help looking at his hand, but the answer still doesn’t come.  Finally he says, “He made me afraid to be happy.”

Michael makes a noise when he hears Alex’s answer, and even Alex is surprised by what he said, but he knows it’s true.

“And now?” Caleb prompts him.

“I’m happy and he’s dead,” Alex answers without thinking about it.  This time Michael laughs and even Caleb smiles.

“We can work with that,” he tells Alex.

Alex feels himself relax for the first time since they met Caleb.  It's not that therapy is easy, but Alex stops fighting it.  Caleb gives them homework each session.  Sometimes it’s easy- like list five ways Michael thinks Alex will be a good father and vice versa.  Sometimes it seems easy, but brings up more than they expect - like the time he asks Michael to list the people in his life he knows he can count on and give an example of when they have been there for him.  Michael can only work on it a person at a time, the reality of the support he has overwhelming.  And other times, it ties them up in knots from the beginning - like asking Alex to list the ways he’s not like his father.  He has nightmares for days, but feels freer when they discuss it in their final mandatory session.

When Caleb signs off on their confirmation form, they ask him to take them on as regular clients.  They agree to start with monthly sessions, and it feels like a good thing, not a punishment.  Alex has never been afraid to work for what he wants, and he can do what he needs to so he’s a good father.

Midway through their mandatory sessions, they find a house.  It’s in a rural section of Roswell, but still only twenty minutes from the center of town.  The house is big and needs some updating, but Michael is happy to handle that with some help - or at least company - from Max. The best part is the setting.  The house sits on five acres - already fenced in and includes two barns.  Once the home study is over, they plan to convert one of the barns into a workshop for Michael to replace his bunker.  And as for the other, Michael is talking about chickens before they even move in.

“Kids first, then livestock,” Alex teases him.  He surprises Michael with a greenhouse, and that’s enough to occupy him for a while.  

Everything seems to be falling into place, and Alex can’t help but notice how excited Michael is becoming.  He points out families with children when they are out, nudging Alex and whispering, “That will be us soon.”

Michael’s meant to be a father, Alex has known this for a long time.  It’s easy to picture Michael showing a little boy the alien Rosa drew in the Crashdown window or walking through downtown with a little girl riding on his shoulders.  But now Alex is starting to see himself there too.  He can imagine himself swinging their daughter off Michael’s shoulders to give her a kiss or helping their son finish the sundae he begged for, but can only eat half of.  It surprises him how much he wants it, how much he wants to share all that with Michael.

Alex thought therapy would be the worst part of the process, but the home study is more stressful than he expected.  They’ve talked to Beth a few times since their initial interview, and Alex is used to her cheerful determination.  He assumed she would be doing the home study, but they are required to use an approved company which means dealing with a stranger.

It’s a struggle not to bristle at the feeling of being judged, of knowing all his answers are being dissected.  But Alex does his best to be honest, and realizes how far he’s come when he can answer a question about what type of father he wants to be with something other than a sarcastic remark about anything being better than the example he had growing up.  Michael is charming, and Alex tries, but it’s still a relief when Beth  calls to tell them they passed with flying colors.

Alex always knew he would be the one to ruin it.

“Alex!” Michael throws open the door of the truck.  “Are you ok?”

It’s a stupid question, they both know Alex isn’t ok.  They’re supposed to be in Beth’s office making a plan to meet the children they would potentially adopt. Instead, Alex is sitting in the truck trying, and failing, to hold back tears.  He only made it through the first ten minutes of the appointment before bolting, and he can’t imagine what Michael must be thinking.

Alex feels Michael’s hand on his leg, his touch tentative in a way that makes Alex feel even worse.

“What’s going on?” Michael asks quietly.  “If you changed your mind, you just have to tell me.”

“It’s not that,” Alex says hastily.  He wipes his face, but looks away from Michael or he knows the tears will continue.  “I still want a family with you, I do, I just can’t”

“Can’t what?” Michael prompts when Alex doesn’t continue.  “Come on, move over,” Michael tells him with a sigh.  He climbs in and sits next to Alex when Alex slides over to the middle of the seat.  It takes some maneuvering, but Alex ends up leaning on Michael’s chest, Michael’s hand stroking his back.  “You need to talk to me, Alex.  Not to be dramatic but you're starting to freak me out.”

“I can’t pick,” he admits quietly.  Alex knows this is his own fault for being unprepared.  This was the only step of the process he hasn’t researched extensively, and it left him blindsided.  Alex expected Beth to show them the profiles of the children she thought would be the best fit, they would meet them a few times, and if all went well, they would proceed with the adoption.  He was unprepared for her to turn her computer screen toward them, and show them a page filled with thumbnail pictures of children along with brief descriptions of what they like and why they were available for adoption.  He could see the multiple page numbers at the bottom of the screen, and it felt like being introduced to the worst kind of dating app.

“What do you mean?”

 “How am I, are we, supposed to look at all those kids and decide who deserves a home?  How are we supposed to say we’ll take this one, but not that one?”  Alex asks, almost pleading for Michael to have an answer he can live with.

“That’s not what we’re doing,” Michael runs a hand through his hair.  “Placement is about trying to figure out the best match so that the adoption has the best chance for success.  That’s what all the interviews and therapy and home study were about, figuring out which kids will fit with us.”

“And what if we pick wrong?”

“That’s what this meeting is for so Beth can help us.  She knows us, she knows some of the kids, and she’s done this before.  We aren’t making a final decision today.  We can take our time,” Michael reassures him.

“That’s not what I mean.  Even if we do everything right, and it all works out, it doesn't mean we didn’t miss something.   That we didn’t overlook,” Alex stumbles, trying to find the right words.  “I’m afraid that we won’t see, that will leave behind,”

Alex can see the moment Michael gets it.  He was right when he said he knew Alex’s heart better than he did.  “What if you leave me behind?”

“How many people passed you by without ever really seeing you?  You were so good Michael, and you deserved so much more than you got.  I looked at that screen, and every kid reminded me of you.  I can’t do this,” Alex admits, turning away again so he doesn’t have to look at Michael, and see the kindness he doesn’t deserve.  Alex had been expecting Michael to break down at some point, overwhelmed at dealing with the system that had failed him, had been preparing himself to help Michael through it.  Instead Alex is the one falling apart, forcing Michael to comfort him.

“Alex, we could adopt every kid Beth shows us, and it won’t change anything for me.  You can’t fix what’s already happened.” Michael turns Alex’s face so he’s looking at him again, wiping away his remaining tears and kissing him softly. “If we go through with this it has to be because we are ready to start a family not because you’re trying to save me.”

“I’m not trying to save you, I just don’t want to fail you.”

“I know,” Michael closes his eyes briefly.  “And I love you for it.  Listen, I’m going to go back in, let Beth know we need to reschedule.  Why don’t you call Caleb’s office and see if we can get in this week.”

They don’t talk on the way home, but by silent agreement decide to reset once they get there - doing their best to act like nothing has changed.  It’s easier to pretend, at least until their appointment with Caleb.  Michael holds Alex’s hand and listens while Alex tries to explain why he panicked.  He does his best to reassure Michael that he does want to adopt, but they all agree that it’s best to put things on hold for a month or two so Alex can untangle his feelings about adoption from his feelings about Michael.

Three weeks later, Greg calls.

“Hey, are you and Michael still looking into adoption?”

“Yes,” Alex replies.  It’s easier than he thought it would be to answer, but he knows despite his setback, they haven’t given up..

“One of my students is looking for a family to adopt her baby, and I thought you might be interested.”

“Jesus,” Alex says, horrified.  “You teach fourth grade.”

“Former student, sorry,” Greg clarifies.  “She just finished her freshman year at Stanford and is home for the summer.  Baby’s due in a few months, and she didn’t find a match in California so she thought she’d try closer to home.  What do you think?”

They never talked about a baby, but as the idea settles in his chest, Alex knows he wants to try.  “Yeah, I mean I have to run it by Michael, but I think he’ll want to meet her.”

They meet Amber a week later in Greg’s kitchen.  Greg introduces them, and then leaves, telling them to make themselves at home.  Amber has dark hair pulled back into a bun and wide, intelligent eyes.  Alex’s first thought is that she is too young for this - too young to have a baby, too young to make this kind of decision.  But when she starts talking, he realizes quickly that while she may be too young for all this responsibility, she’s not a child.

Michael asks her about school, and she immediately launches into a detailed description of the genetic research she’s doing and the advanced program she was accepted into. Alex doesn’t understand most of what she’s talking about, but she reminds him so much of Liz it almost hurts to look at her.

Michael lights up and starts talking about some of the research he helped Liz with - leaving out the alien origins of it.  Alex is happy to sit back and let the details pass him by, drawn in as he always is by watching Michael talk about something he is passionate about.

“Where did you go to school?” Amber asks.

“I didn’t,” Michael’s smile falters.  “Had a scholarship after high school, but things didn’t work out.  I’m just always studying on my own.  Liz, the woman I mentioned, she has multiple doctorates so I just follow her lead.”

“You more than keep up,” Alex reminds him.  He lifts Michael’s hand - his left hand - and kisses it softly.  He knows what happened in the shed isn’t the only reason Michael gave up college, but a part of him will always hold some guilt over Michael’s lost dreams.

Amber’s eyes dart between them before she turns her attention to Alex. “What about you?”

“I was in the Air Force for about ten years. Got my degree while I was enlisted, computer engineering.”

“Alex is one of the best hackers in the world,” Michael says proudly.

Alex shoots Michael a look, not sure his hacking skills are something to brag about.  “I mostly work in research data analysis now. The company I work for tries to take the information available to us and apply it to previously unexplained events or phenomena like,” Alex searches his mind for an example he can share, “the Bermuda Triangle. I was trained in code breaking in the military so my sub specialty is languages.  There is a lot we can use computers for when it comes to recovering dead languages or translating symbol based languages.”

What he doesn’t say of course is his interest in language is fueled by his need to discover how many previously dismissed references to aliens are real.  So much of his work is rooted in getting answers for Michael, but he can’t tell Amber that.  Still, she seems happy with his answer.

“So you understand then, why I need to go back to school.  Why I can’t let this,” she gestures to her stomach, the first real reference any of them have made to why they are there, “stop me.”

Alex nods, not sure what to say.  But he remembers her enthusiasm when talking about her research and how her smile dimmed when even the possibility of her not returning to school was mentioned, and he reaches for the notepad Michael brought with him, writes down Liz’s email and hands it to Amber.  “This is Liz, our friend's email.  She would be a great resource or mentor.  Her parents are immigrants so she knows what it’s like to be a minority woman in science.  She’s told us about how much her mentor helped her, and I know she would be happy to talk to you.” 

“I didn’t offer you the baby yet,” Amber reminds him, her eyes narrowing.

“It’s not a bribe,” Alex explains, hoping he didn’t screw things up already.  “Like I said, Liz knows the challenges you’ll face, and it shouldn’t be any harder for you than it needs to be.  If we’ve learned anything from working with her,  it’s that changing the work is a lot easier with help. It’s just an offer, no strings.”

“Ok,” she nods and takes the paper.  “I have some questions.”

She doesn’t ask them anything they haven’t been asked before - by Beth, by Caleb, during the home study.  But Alex tries to be more open, a little more honest with her.  They show her pictures of the house and of Charlie.  Michael talks about his plans for chickens and maybe goats, shows her the greenhouse and the fields.

“This is our first crop of sunflowers at the house.  See how tall they are already.  Sanders grumbles about the drive, but he knows we have better soil,” he says proudly.

“Sanders?” Amber asks.

“Sanders and I have been growing prize winning sunflowers for a few years now.  He’s my boss at the junkyard, but he’s family too.  He’ll be the closest the kids will have to a grandfather.”

“Don’t forget Arturo,” Alex adds.

“True.  But Sanders, uhh, here let me show you.”  Michael pulls something up on his phone and hands it to Amber.  “He’s not much for pictures, but he let us take a few at the wedding.”

Michael ends up going through the whole wedding album he has saved on his phone, introducing her to everyone in their family as he scrolls through the photos.  “Are you singing?” Amber asks when they come to a picture of Michael on stage.

“Yeah,” Michael blushes and rubs the back of his neck.  “It was a surprise for Alex at the reception.  But he’s the real musician in the family.  Writes his own music, he’s even written me a few songs.  He’ll definitely be in charge of singing the kids to sleep.”

“What do you play?

“Guitar and keyboard mostly.  We bought a piano when we bought the house and that’s what I like to compose on.  My first guitar was actually a hand me down from Greg,” Alex laughs. “Michael had it for a while too.”

Amber looks curious at the mention of Greg.  “How long have you been married?  Was Greg still in the Navy?”

“No, he couldn’t make the wedding because of school,” Alex explains, assuming she is wondering why he wasn’t there.

“We’ve been married almost two years,” Michael adds.  “But it’s been on and off since high school.”

“High school?”  Amber’s eyes widen.  “Sounds like an epic love story.”

“Cosmic,” Michael mumbles.  Alex elbows him, but smiles.

“It took us a while to figure things out, but we’ve always loved each other.  It’s always been Michael,” Alex shrugs.

Amber hands the phone back to Michael, “It seems like you have a beautiful family.”

“Thanks, I know it’s probably a cliche, but that’s what we want for our kids.  From what we told you, I’m sure you figured out our childhoods sucked.”  They all laugh.  “But we can give our kids all the things we didn’t have.  A place to run around, a chance to just be kids and do whatever they want if that’s sports or art or reading.  They can do what they want and have the freedom to make mistakes because they’ll have people who will love them and support them no matter what.  More than just us, you know.”

“I know you have questions too, but I’ll just get the big ones out of the way.  There’s no father, at least not one that I can name.  I aced my first big exam and decided to celebrate.  Found out there really is such a thing as being blackout drunk.  I woke up the next morning on someone’s couch with half my clothes missing.  I have no idea who I was with.  Is that a problem?”

Amber tells the story with no emotion, just a statement of fact, and Alex can tell she doesn’t want sympathy so he just shakes his head and sees Michael do the same.

“Good,” Amber nods.  “I was working with an agency in California so I’ve had all the counseling sessions. I’m not going to change my mind.  I don’t know if I ever want to be a mother, but I know I don’t want to be one now.  I’d have to move back here, drop out of Stanford, and what, if I’m lucky, go to community college once she starts school?”

“She?” Michael asks.  Alex sees him wince, knows he didn’t mean to interrupt, but they hadn’t known the baby was a girl.

“Yes, and she deserves better than a mother who resents her.  I worked too hard to get into Stanford to become another girl from the rez who can’t hack in the real world,”  Amber stops, bitterness lacing her voice, and shakes her head.  When she speaks again, her tone is softer.  “That’s what happened to my mom, and she always told me I ruined her life.  I want better for her.”

Before either of them can respond, Amber excuses herself to go to the restroom.  She seems more composed when she comes back, accepting the iced tea Alex poured while she was gone.

“So what do you want to know?”

Alex turns to Michael, watches as he picks up his notebook and turns to his list of questions.  “What kind of contact do you want after the adoption,” he asks.

“None,” Amber shrugs.  “I don’t know how to explain this without sounding like a bad person, but I don’t think of her as my daughter.  This is a process I’m going through, and once she’s born my part is done.  My grandmother would probably like a picture every now and then, but that’s up to you.  She lives here so you can contact her through Greg if you want.”

That brings up a concern Alex has.  “Obviously you know Greg’s my brother, but other than visiting him the last few years, I haven’t been on the reservation since my mom left.  I don’t have much of a connection to that side of my heritage.  Is that a problem?”

“Will you answer questions if she has them?  Help her learn what it means to be Native if she wants?”  When Alex nods she seems satisfied.  “That’s enough.  When I go back to school I’m never coming back so it would be pretty hypocritical of me to judge you for that.”

“She would spend time here, with us and Greg, it just isn't’ something that’s part of our daily lives,” Alex clarifies.

“What else?” she asks.

Alex watches Michael look over his list of questions before closing the notebook. “I don’t think there is anything else we need to know.”  He looks to Alex for confirmation.  “This is for you to get to know us, see if we might be the kind of people you want to adopt your baby.  We’re not here to judge you.  So if you have more questions or want to see the house or whatever, go for it.  But we’re good.”

“Ok,” Amber agrees.

“So, we can give our numbers or you can reach out though Greg once you’ve made a decision,” Alex tells her.

“I met with several families in California, and they were all nice, but it never felt right.  I think it’s because I was waiting for you.  I don’t need time.  If you want her, she’s yours.”

“Really,” Michael’s face lights up.

“Of course we do, thank you,” Alex forces out, his throat tight.  “We have a case worker so we’ll get in touch with her and figure out what’s next.”

When they are walking out to their cars, Alex texting Greg to let him know he can come back, Michael stops Amber.  “I do have one question.  Do you have any thoughts on a name?”

“She’s your daughter, you pick the name,” Amber reminds them.  “Just let me know, and I’ll have it put on the original birth certificate.”

They sit in the truck together and watch her drive away, Michael making no move to start the truck.  “We’re going to be dads.  I can’t believe it,” he turns to Alex, tears shining in his eyes.

“We have a daughter,” Alex says in awe. He gives Michael a watery smile.

“Do you want to name her Nora?” he asks Michael once they are on the way home.  Michael turns to briefly look at him, but doesn’t answer right away.

“She needs her own name,” Michael tells him once they are home.  “I don’t want her to feel like she has to live up to something or be a replacement.”

They call Beth the next morning. She tells them that since Amber is an enrolled member of the Tribe, the adoption needs to be approved by the Tribal Council.  That also means Beth can handle the paperwork rather than requiring them to go with a private agency that handles infant adoptions. She meets them at the hearing, and Alex can’t help but apologize for not following through on their plans.

“Alex, there’s nothing to be sorry about.  Would I have loved to place one of my kids with you, of course I would.  But a child who needs a family is going to be raised in a loving home.  How can I not see that as a win?”

“It feels like this is what was supposed to happen,” he admits.

“Then let’s go get you your daughter.”

Since Alex is also an enrolled member, and they’ve committed to enrolling the baby, the hearing is mostly a formality. Greg comes and speaks on their behalf, and in less than an hour, the adoption is approved.

The hearing is also the last time they see Amber in person.  They talk for a few minutes after, but Alex can tell while she’s obviously relieved, she doesn’t want to linger.  Her smile brightens when Michael tells her the name they’ve chosen, Amirah Estelle.

“It’s beautiful, I think she’ll love it.”

There’s no way to thank her for what she is giving them so they just try not to make it awkward.  They introduce her to Beth, and quietly say goodbye, leaving them to discuss the details of what comes next for Amber.

Their second anniversary falls a month before Amber’s due date, and they spend a week at Eduardo’s villa in Mexico celebrating.  It has a private beach, and Alex watches the sun turn Michael’s skin a deep gold while lightening his curls so he glows in a way that makes Alex’s chest hurt.  Alex spends hours licking the salt from Michael’s skin while they get sleepy drunk on Valenti’s family tequila.  It’s perfect and the days stretch out and go by too fast at the same time.

“We won’t be able to do this next year,” Michael says on their last night.

Alex looks up from where he’d been dozing on Michael’s chest, listening to Michael’s heartbeat while Michael stroked his hair.  “Someone will take her for a few days, or we’ll just bring her with us.”

“You think so?”

“Yeah,” Alex props himself up on his elbow.  “I was afraid of losing this when you first mentioned kids.  I was worried about losing parts of you, but now I’m more excited about the parts of you I’ll gain.”

“Like what?” Michael asks, wiggling down on the bed so their faces are even.

“I want to see you hold our daughter, I want to see you show her the stars, and I want to see if you’ll be strict about homework or get thrown out of Little League games or if you’ll be the one to braid her hair.  I love everything about you, Michael.  And now I get to see you as a father and love you even more.”

“Alex,” Michael breathes, blinking back tears.  “I love you so much, and I can’t believe I get to have a baby with you.  You are going to be an amazing father.”

“I hope so,” Alex smiles at Michael’s confidence in him.  “But in the meantime, we should take advantage of our time alone.  He kisses Michael, laughing when Michael rolls them over, and there’s no more talking after that.

They come home to find a nursery painted in a muted version of the Oasian sky, stars dotting the ceiling and iridescent butteerflies and glowing birds flying across the walls.  The empty room they left behind is fully furnished, the closet and dresser filled with clothes.

“You said no baby shower, but you didn’t say no gifts,” Isobel reminds them when she shows them the room.  “Rosa’s been working on the design for weeks with Max so you better like it.”

It’s beautiful, and he and Michael find themselves in there several times a day.  Seeing the space for a baby in their home makes their impending parenthood finally feel real.

Beth is the one to call them when Amirah is born, and she meets them when they arrive.  “She looks great,” she immediately reassures them.  “Healthy and strong.  The hospital will keep her for forty-eight hours, and you can stay with her in one of the family rooms off the NICU.  If Amber signs the relinquishment papers, you can take her home after that.”

Neither of them ask what will happen if Amber doesn’t sign the papers, because they can’t think about that when they desperately want to meet their daughter.  She’s sleeping when they first see her, a tiny bundle in the hospital bassinet.  The lights are turned down low, but Alex can still see the way her hair peeps out from underneath her hat, see the curve of her cheek.

The nurse in the room fills them in on all her measurements - weight, length, APGAR score. “We want to do two hours of skin to skin contact with both of you to help with the bonding process.”

Alex knew this was coming, but it’s still awkward to take off their shirts and climb into a hospital bed together.  He nudges Michael to go first when the nurse comes over with Amirah.  She settles her against Michael’s chest and covers them with a blanket.  “Feel free to play music if you want or just talk to her.  I’ll be back when it’s time for her next bottle.  Just hit the alert button if you need anything.”

And then they’re alone, just the three of them.  And it hits Alex that it will be the three of them from now on.  He and Michael have a daughter.  Alex is sitting behind Michael so he tucks his face into his neck so he can see Amirah over Michael’s shoulder.

Alex watches as Michael carefully traces one finger over her face and down her back.  Amirah’s still asleep, but she wiggles slightly in response to Michael’s touch.  “She’s so beautiful,” Michael whispers.

“Mmmhmm,” Alex hums his agreement.  He turns his head to look at Michael, soaking in the love and awe on his face.  Tears fall silently, and Alex brushes them away before kissing his cheek.

There’s something intimate and peaceful about this time alone together, Alex holding Michael while he holds their daughter, the room dark and quiet.  He understands why the hospital recommends it.  Just when Amirah starts to fuss, the nurse comes in with her bottle.  She walks them through feeding and changing her.  When she is settled and checked over, they rearrange themselves on the bed, and this time the nurse hands Amirah to Alex.

She blinks up at him before falling back asleep, and he can’t believe how small and light she is for all the space she takes up in his heart.  Alex doesn’t cry when he holds her.  His love for her doesn’t feel soft - it’s fierce and already rooted deeper than he imagined.  He told Michael once that he would burn the world down for him, and he knows he would do the same for Amirah in a heartbeat.  Alex closes his eyes and settles himself and Amirah in Michael’s embrace and silently promises that her happiness and safety will always be his priority.

Their two days in the hospital are a nice bubble from the world, but they also go by quickly - a crash course in caring for a baby they both need.  Research and video tutorials can’t truly prepare them for a living child.  They learn that Amber was released the morning after Amirah was born, and she signs the relinquishment papers as soon as the forty-eight hours are up.  Greg later tells Alex that Amber spent a week with her grandmother before returning to Stanford for the second summer session.

Beth brings them all the paperwork they need to prove they have custody of Amirah once she is ready to be released.  She walks them out, hugging them both once Amirah is secure in her car seat.  “I’ll be by in a few weeks to check in on her, make sure you are all settling in.  And remember, you can’t post any pictures until the adoption is finalized.”

Michael laughs, “No worries there.  Alex has strong opinions about the dangers of social media.”

“It’s not just identity theft, which is easy enough, but anything you post can be manipulated.  I can’t believe how vulnerable people leave themselves for a few seconds on validation.”  Michael clears his throat, and Alex realizes he probably shouldn’t explain how he can - and has - used social media as a weapon against people he found profiting off stolen alien artifacts.  Beth doesn’t need to know he can ruin someone’s life in five minutes without ever leaving his desk.

“I can tell she’s in good hands,” Beth smiles at them.  “We’ll talk soon.”

Their first week at home is a disaster.  Everything that was so easy at the hospital becomes a battle.  Amirah doesn’t want to eat or sleep, she flails through her bath, making both Alex and Michael terrified of dropping her.  “Do you think it’s safe for me to catch her with telekinesis if we drop her?” he asks as they struggle to contain a slippery infant.

“It’s better than letting her hit the floor,” Alex admits.  “But we should probably stick with just not dropping her.”

Despite their eagerness to introduce her to their family, the constant stream of visitors makes it hard to settle into a routine.  Everyone has advice to give even though, Arturo excluded, they have no more experience with babies than Alex or Michael do.  Amirah shows a strong preference for Max - quieting the quickest when he holds her.  No one can figure out exactly what he’s doing, but it almost always works.

“Well it’s not an alien thing,” Isobel tells them when Amirah refuses to take a bottle from her.

“And it’s not a guy thing,” Kyle says, conceding defeat when none of his doctor tricks work on getting her to sleep.

“Don’t look at me,” Liz hands Amirah back to Max after she spits up on her.  “I’ll be her favorite as soon as she’s old enough for her first chemistry set.  But for now, Max is the baby whisperer.”

Eventually the visits slow to a manageable level and they settle into daily life with a baby.  Sanders bans Michael from the junkyard for two weeks, and Alex has twelve weeks of paternity leave.  It’s all bottles and diapers and figuring out snaps on clothes and still remembering to walk Charlie, but they make it work.

The first time Amirah reaches for him, kicking her legs and cooing, when he goes to pick her up, Alex finds himself tearing up.  He sits with Amirah in the recliner and lets himself cry the tears he didn’t have at the hospital.  As she watches him, eyes too wise for her age, he realizes it is not just about him loving her, it’s also about her loving him, about her looking to him for love and guidance and support. 

Michael finds him, and asks carefully, “Are you ok?”  When Alex nods, he settles on the floor in front of them, resting his head on Alex’s knee.  “It’s a lot, isn’t it.”

“I didn’t realize,” Alex’s voice trails off, not sure what he’s trying to say.

“I know,” Michael says. “She’s everything.”

Alex knows Michael understands everything he doesn’t have words for yet, and he’s so grateful they’re doing this together.  “Not just her,” Alex runs his hand through Michael’s hair.  

“Yeah,” Michael agrees, turning his head to kiss Alex’s knee.  Neither of them move until Amirah demands her dinner.

Amirah’s first cold is a week of sleepless nights and worrying.  Three days into it, Isobel arrives with dinner and a promise to walk with Amirah so they can eat and take a nap.  The food is delicious, but Alex’s eyes are dropping before he gets halfway through his milkshake.  He falls asleep on the couch while Michael is showing Isobel how the vaporizer works.

He wakes to voices and the smell of coffee and realizes Michael and Isobel must be in the kitchen.

“I can’t believe she’s still asleep,” Michael says.

“I may have encouraged her a bit,” Isobel replies.

Alex sits up, suddenly wide awake, but before he can get up he hears Michael say something he can’t quite make out.  Isobel laughs in response.

“I’m kidding.  No influencing the baby, I got it.”

Alex relaxes again, letting their conversation wash over him, tuning in when something catches his attention.

“You’re a good dad, Michael.  I knew you would be,” he hears Isobel tell Michael.

“You’ll be a good mom, too,” he assures her.

“Maybe,” Isobel sighs.  “I’m not sure it will happen for me.”

“Hey, my offer of baby gravy still stands.”

Alex makes a face at the same time he hears Isobel snort.

“I told you not to call it that.  And while I appreciate the offer, I figure it out myself if I’m ready.”

“If you change your mind, all you have to do is ask.”  Michael’s reply is the last thing Alex hears before he falls asleep again.

The next time he wakes up, the house is dark and Isobel is gone.  He checks on Amirah and finds her still asleep in her crib, breathing a little easier, Charlie guarding her from the hallway.  Michael is also asleep so Alex takes a quick shower before joining him in bed.  He watches Michael sleep and thinks of his conversation with Isobel.  Since they planned on adopting older children, they never talked about other options.  But Amirah changed that, and Alex wonders if Michael wants a child of his own - one with his curls or his quick mind.

He brings it up the next morning after Amirah’s bath.  “If we had another baby, would you want to use a surrogate?”

“What?” Michael looks up from where he’d been rubbing lotion onto Amirah’s legs.

“I heard you and Isobel talking last night,” Alex shrugs.  “We never considered it before, and I wondered if that’s something you’d want.”

“Nah,” Michael shakes his head before leaning down and blowing a raspberry on Amirah’s belly.  “You think I could love this one more if we shared some DNA.  No way.”

“It’s not about that, I just want you to have the option.”

“Don’t need it,” Michael insists.  “I have no desire to pass on my genetics.”  He holds up a hand when Alex starts to protest.  “I do it for Isobel if she asked, but it’s not how I want to build our family.  I like what we’re doing so far.  Ok?”

“Ok,” Alex agrees, picking up Amirah and wrestling her into a clean sleeper.

When Alex’s leave is up, he makes arrangements to work from home three days a week, and Michael adjusts his schedule so one of them is always home with Amirah.

“I can’t believe it,” Liz shakes her head when he tells her.  “I thought you’d be dying to get back to work.”

“Not really.  Don’t get me wrong, there are some projects I am eager to get back to, but I’d much rather work from home as much as I can.”  Alex peeks under the blanket he’d thrown over Amirah to make sure she was still asleep before shifting her a little higher on his chest.  Max and Liz had come over for dinner and it was warm enough for Liz and Alex to stay out on the deck while Max and Michael were in the workshop going over something for Max’s next visit to Oasis.  She snuffles a little so he kisses her forehead and shushes her softly. “That’s my girl,” he croones once she closes her eyes again.

“You're such a dad,” Liz smiles at him when he looks up. 

Alex smiles back, not the slightest bit concerned about letting everyone know how much he loves his daughter.  “She makes it easy.”

“No, I think it’s you.  You and Michael both, you’re meant for this.  Max will be an amazing father, too.  And we’re starting to talk about when and how that might happen, but I don’t think I’ll be the one staying home,” Liz admits hesitantly.

“That’s fine,” Alex reaches over and squeezes her hand.  “There’s no one way to do this, and you know that.  Besides, I don't think there is a safe way to run a genetics lab in the same house as children, and you still have a Nobel Prize to win.”

“True,” Liz laughs.

Alex looks at Liz and finally works up the courage to ask the question he’s been afraid to ask.  “Has she reached out to you?”

“Alex,” Liz chides him gently.  “Do you really want to know?”

“No,” Alex admits guiltily.  “It’s just I’m happy Liz, I’m so fucking happy, but I don’t know if Amber is.  And I don’t want to know because,” he tightens his hold on Amirah.  “Because I wouldn’t change anything.”

“You’re responsible for Amirah and her happiness, not Amber’s,” Liz tells him.

“It’s hard to remember that when I have her daughter.”

“Amirah is your daughter, not Amber’s.  That’s the choice Amber made, and one you and Michael accepted.  From what you told me, she knew what she wanted.  Don’t take her choice away from her because you feel guilty about being happy.”

Alex knows she’s right, but the closer the adoption gets, the more he worries that somehow he’s unworthy of so much happiness, and he’s going to lose it.  He and Caleb are working on it, but it’s a hard demon to shake.  “What would you have done,” he asks Liz, “if you had gotten pregnant in college?”

Liz looks stricken when he asks the question, and he instantly feels guilty for even asking.  “I’m sorry, that’s none of my business.”

“No it’s ok.  Probably something like this,” Liz gestures to Alex and Amirah before biting her lip and looking away.  “Or maybe I wouldn’t have let it get this far.”

“Liz,” Alex takes her hand again, mentally berating himself for asking her to bare her soul to comfort him.

She looks up and crosses herself, muttering in Spanish before squeezing his hand.  “Papi would be devastated if he knew I thought it let alone said it out loud, but it’s true.  I worked so hard to be the smartest, to be the best, and for a long time that’s all I had.  I couldn’t have given that up, it would have killed me.”

Alex just shakes his head, not knowing what to say.

“When you are a girl, you’re told anything you want to do, anything you accomplish is temporary.  You’re supposed to set it aside one day to be a mother.  That’s supposed to be your real dream.  But that’s not true for all of us.  It’s not true for me, and if Amber’s as much like me as she sounds, it’s not true for her either.  What you did, giving her the freedom to follow her dreams, that was a gift.  You helped both of them, you didn’t take anything from her.”

“I hope you’re right,” he says softly.

“I’m always right,” Liz insists, breaking the tension.

Amirah’s adoption is finalized when she’s six months out.  She’s quiet in Alex’s arms, taking in the unfamiliar environment.  But when the judge asks for a picture with the new family, she giggles and pulls at his beard.  The picture on their mantle shows all of them laughing, the judge making a funny face at Amirah as she claps her hands.

Since their hearing was in the morning, Maria throws a party at the Wild Pony before it opens.  Amirah is happy to be passed from person to person, basking in the attention, leaving Alex and Michael free to socialize and eat using both hands.  She crashes a few hours in, falling asleep in Max’s arms.

As things are winding down, Alex boxes the leftover cake and snags Maria by the waist when she walks by to clear away the empty platters.  “Thanks for this,” he presses a kiss to her temple.

“I remember you telling me you wanted your kids to grow up in the Pony, so this seemed like a good way to start,” Maria teases him.

“This isn’t quite what I meant,” he says, feeling the gentle tug of nostalgia for the dreams he once had.

“I know,” Maria agrees softly. “But it’s how it was always meant to be.”

“Maybe,” he agrees, looking over to where Amirah is awake and back with Michael, both of them flipping through a picture book Rosa made for her. 

They’re not her first steps, but one day Amirah runs from Michael to Alex on unsteady legs, yelling “Da, Da, Da, Da,” and Alex knows what he wants.  He catches her in her arms, kissing her face and neck until she is laughing and wiggling to get down so she can run back to Michael. 

Alex doesn’t say anything then because it’s easy to be sure when Amirah is happy and Michael is playing with her and listening to her babbling like she’s telling him the secrets of the universe.  He waits until after bath time when Amirah screams the whole time because she recently decided she hates getting her hair wet.  He waits until he’s more exhausted than she is, but she’s still fighting sleep, her earlier cries whittled down to occasional wet gasps.

He waits while Michael straightens the bathroom and takes Charlies out.  He waits until they fall into bed, too tired to do more than cuddle.  He waits until nothing is perfect, but he still knows what he wants.

“I think we should call Beth,” he whispers into Michael’s neck.

[littleststarfighter]

You don't have to answer this at all, just wanted to give some perspective/info from someone who's been doing illustration commissions for about 15 years: in my opinion, it's always better to work backwards from an hourly rate rather than doing value-based pricing.

When working with private individuals as clients, US$30-50/hr is pretty standard for custom freelance stuff depending on experience, but since you're new to commissions I'd recommend offering a discount for the first few slots (both to get things moving, and also to give yourself lower-stakes "training" until you get used to the process—sometimes your workflow will change in ways you didn't expect under the conditions).

Personally, I prefer to offer a fixed quote based on my hourly rate, because that gets any kind of sticker shock out of the way. I estimate the amount of time it'll take me, add ~10% as a buffer, and apply my hourly rate. The fixed quote also gives me a little freedom not to stress out if it's taking more or less time than anticipated; I just make a note for my next quote and adjust accordingly.

The hourly rate might seem high to you, as it often does to people who are used to more traditional salary structures. But keep in mind that as a freelancer, you're also your own admin support: you don't bill for time spent emailing, researching, invoicing, etc. Tax can also get a bit complicated if you start doing a lot of freelance work.

My own base (non-commercial) rate is US$60/hr, because I've been doing this for a very long time. Frankly, the reason I have a lot of long-term repeat clients who pay my rate is because I communicate well and deliver on time. I set out a timeline up front with scheduled check-ins at various stages, and then I stick to that timeline no matter what. As someone who's also hired many freelance artists in the past, I know that reliability will win over genius every single time.

Speaking of timelines, ALWAYS be specific about the number and scope of revisions you offer. Depending on the project, I might phrase it as "2 rounds of revisions, with up to 1 hour of work per round" or similar. I bill anything beyond that scope at a higher hourly rate, usually about US$90/hr, billed by the half-hour. This also gives you leverage to say "Sure, I can add a whole new character and completely change the background; that will take about X hours which will put us into hourly billing territory at X rate." Either they'll back down or you'll be well compensated for the trouble, and most importantly (from a client services perspective) you've not told them no, you've given them options and reminded them what they've already agreed to.

In terms of payment plans, I normally require 50% up front (non-refundable) and 50% on final delivery. Since you haven't yet built up a rep as a commission artist, I recommend a lower up-front rate (maybe 20-30%). I do strongly advise getting SOMETHING up front to lock clients in and make sure they can't completely ditch if something happens. Plus, refusing to pay a small deposit is a major red flag.

I offer a 5% discount for complete payment up front, because it's honestly worth that 5% just to not have to deal with chasing people down and sending invoice reminders and whatnot.

I'm sorry to hear you've been going through such a tough time, and I hope this was helpful and not too overwhelming; it's just stuff I wish someone had told me when I was first starting out, and I think it's important for working artists to share info about business practices. I wasn't strict about a lot of things back then (like number of revisions), and it always ended up coming back to bite me. It might seem counter-intuitive, but I promise that thinking through and setting a lot of rules/boundaries up front will save you a lot of stress and trouble in the end.

I seriously want to thank you for this. It's incredibly informative not just for me but I'm sure other start out artists too. You've gone over things that I'd have no idea to do, thank you.

I'm certainly looking into how to pay tax as being in the UK I've never had to work that out before as we have it done for us in most jobs. So that would have been something I'd have forgotten about and it's not something you want to miss. I definitely have to time myself working as I don't know how long I take as I've never thought about that either. I just know I'm slow. It's interesting to see what you'd charge hourly as I see a lot of fan commissions having a low fixed rate depending on what you offer.  So definitely have to look whether to offer that or like you suggest a more freelance rate of pay. I'll admit US$30-50/hr made me gasp but that's because I'm used to working for UK minimum wage (roughly $13 a hr) so that seems a lot to me. Gives me something to think about. Though I worry about pricing people out to begin with what with being quite slow and a nobody. And yes! Never forget about getting a deposit. I learnt that the bad way decades ago when I did try to do a commission and was never paid. That's what made me nervous to even begin as I can be a pushover. So need to be more strict in what I can offer and of course revise too.

Seriously thank you this is so helpful. Like you say there's so much people don't share about getting into freelance and commission work. Getting that step up, even if it's me doing it, is something I've no idea how to even start on. I get people saying why aren't you working in art? But my answer is always 'how?' It's something no one's told me about. How to sell yourself and your work. Even commission work confused me. So please don't worry this is beyond helpful and I'm very grateful for you taking your time to help me. It's been a very rough few months but I'm trying to stay positive. This may help me while I find work. Much love, Lucy 💖

[jennaortegawifefr]

Mail 3

A/n :idk it’s fine ig

Warning: swearing,adult themes

After that night Jasmin asked you out AS FRIENDS to talk about the Jenna situation you went out for coffee it was nice “ok so you like her and you are 100 percent sure she doesn’t like you back?” part of her curiosity was because she cares and the rest is because the doesn’t love a GAY CRISET but mostly the last part you smiled lip thin “like not 100 percent but pretty close” she then sighed heavenly scratch that she smiled exhaustedly “if you’re not 100 percent sure don’t fuck it and go apologize” as you were about to open your mouth to protest you realize she is right “fine, but why are there people taking pictures of us?” she then turned to look and then looked back at you “there paparazzi your now famous y/n you gotta get used to it” she then grabbed your arm and dragged you out of there and back to the set the paparazzi photos went viral and everyone is talking about it some are even say you guys are ‘dating’ you really didn’t mind jasmine in the other hand “ Y/N THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT JENNA MIGHT KILL ME IF SHE THINKS WE ARE DATING” first of all how is this all your fault secondly why would Jenna kill jasmine and third of all why is jasmine kinda embarrassed “jas why are you mad that we are being shipped ? Are you embarrassed” she looked at you her eyes slightly soften “no no y/n I am not embarrassed your hot as shit and sweet and kind and all that sweet shit, but I have a girlfriend so I am scared she might believe the rumors” ohhh okay that makes so much sense now that was kinda nice jasmine was nice to me fuck yea-“y/n Jenna just texted you check right now and this time I’ll tell you what to say” you nodded and opened you phone the text was long as you were about to start reading it got deleted you furrow your brows and look as jasmine “she deleted a message a REALLY long one” “shit” you look back at your phone and see 3 little bubbles jasmine then yanks the phone from you she then types aggressively “what are you saying?” she doesn’t even look up to you “just shut up drink your ‘brown milk’ and thank me later” you then did as told and mumbled a light “sorry” she then pressed send looked you to you and said “you should really stop saying sorry” then she gave you your phone and once you read the first line you immediately deleted the message ‘Jenna I like you’ you looked up to face her in disbelief “seriously?”

“What? if you weren’t gonna do it then I will”

“I will tell her but in person I want it to be special and I want to shoe my respect for her”

“Oh my fucking god you’re not gonna marry her you’re telling her you like her”

“And? I still want her to know that I have her full respect ether way”

“You are SUCH a gay fucker both of you, but really if you don’t tell her I will .I’ll give you umm 4 days”

“Fuck you”

“Warning you so don’t get pissed when I tell on you”

“I am leaving. burton wants us on set”

“See you fucker, gay fucker”

and with that you left, you love jasmin but 4 days was ‘a little too little’ day 1 you planed what you’ll do day 2 you planed what you’ll say day 3 you had to find some info like where she lives her favorite candies her favorites fast foods let’s just say day 3 was a fail it was hard to talk to anyone since everyone was going home ‘the 2 weeks’ were over but that night jasmine called “yoo y/n what will you do, tell her or will I?” you sighed the anxiety is hitting you now “no don’t worry I’ll tell her but where does she live?” “Wow w- creepy much?” “Come on I am trying to surprise her, please don’t ruin it for me” “ok fine ill text you it” surprisingly she did “okthanksjasloveyoubye” with that you hung up you wrote jenna a very very thoughtful note and made her a gift basket with multiple 100 dollars gift cards a ton of vegan snacks some memories of you guys together and last but not least the note where you spilled your whole heart into it, you got it ready and as you were about to sleep “where is the love of my life Y/NNNN?” you giggled missing her voice and her presents in your life “hello ky did you miss me enough to cry in your sleep?” she came and squeezed your left cheek “oh my baby how I missed you” you then leaned back and your hand on your heart as offence “baby? Come on ky your only 2 years older” you entered school early plus ky was 1 year older than you (in collage) which would always be a win for you she’d always be big help in exams “still older” she shrugged she then eyed the basked you prepared for Jenna “can i-“ “no ky this isn’t for you” she then inhaled deep and let out a squeaky AHHHH sound “damm you don’t have to be so harsh ab- omggg y/n why is there a heart omgggg you are In love fuck why d-“ “kyy stop I am not in love this is a apology basket now can you shut the fuck up I am trying to sleep ,work ha-“ “no no no y/n I know you from top to bottom, you like someone. you never really care what people think but a full on basket they got you wrapped around there finger o-“ “if I tell you will you shut the fuck up?" ky then nodded rapidly you then continued the statement “ok fine I do like this girl but she implied that she doesn’t like me back so to keep myself from heart break I treated her like shit so her best friend came to me and told me its ether i tell her or she will so yeah I do like a girl and yeah she doesn’t like me back and of course yeah I will still tell her” ky then came closer and kissed your forehead “y/n firstly if she didn’t say it directly to your face that she doesn’t like you then there is still a chance secondly your amazing and anyone is lucky to have you so at the end of the day it’s her loss and last but not least who is she?” you then smiled weakly at her attempt to cheering you up “its j- Jenna Ortega” you then watch her mouth drop “holly shit , you know Jenna Ortega no your dating jenn-“ you then jumped out of your seat “ woah woah dating? I- just o- nvm just go to bed KY good night” you then pushed her out of your room and kissed her forehead goodnight

The day has come you studied you ass off trying to keep you mind off of her but its imposable I mean is Jenna Ortega once your done with lectures you went to your dorm got dressed into something fancy a classic suit but its blood red instead of black you wear your expensive perfume and put your shoes back on you take the basket ,keys and with that you left her house was really near the collage which is a good thing but right now it wasn’t you left the car went in front of her apartment door and deep breath 1 2 3 ‘ding’ ok shit what do I do ? do I leave the basket and leave or do I stay or d-“y/n? You look…. Hot. W-what are you doing here?” you then look at her why does she look better than always her hair wavy her bangs slightly covering her eyes and those eyes look deeper than ev-“y/n? Is there something wrong, please come in” you then snap out of it “no no I am sorry I just came to umm apologize for the way I’ve been treating you. I made you umm” you then giver the basket in hand “this. the note on top has all the answers you need it was nice meting you, once your done please text me your thoughts” and with that you left and didn’t even give her a chance to reply

The next few hours were hard, Jenna was on your mind while ky was on your ass “soo y/n you didn’t tell me what did je-“ “KY YOU’VE ASKED THE SAME QUESTION FOR THE LAST 4 HOURS AND YET I GIVE YOU THE SAME ANSER SO CAN YOU PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF GOD SHUT THE FUCK UP” you yelled. Why would you yell? It ky you would never yell at her, she was just being thoughtful she didn’t deserve to be yelled at “ky I am so sorr-“ she stood up “no y/n its fine, I over stepped my bounders I sho-“ you held her wrist tightly and stood up to face her “no ky I am sorry I didn’t mean to I was overthinking the whole Jenna situation I really like her and I am scared I know its not an excuse but she really means a lot to me and I am scared for both of us and the movie and press and everything she perfect and I might mess this up” she then offered a lip thin smile “I am so really sorry ky please forgive me” I then left her wrist and held the back of her neck and I pulled her into a deep hug where my other hand when to rub her back ever so lightly as if she might break “no I won’t forgive your nasty ass” you then break the hug and pull back just enough to be able to look at her “what” “JUST KIDDING” “your such a bitch ky” “what a way to apologize” ky then left the room and you checked your phone to see any news from burton but instead there was a text from Jenna

Jen<3 e e hey y/n I saw the note and thank you

y/n for?

Jen<3 expressing your feelings and for the things you said about me and the thing you bought and the facts that they were all vegan. Oh and just wanna let you know jasimin told me you liked me like right before you came over so that really wasn’t a big surprise

y/n of course she did btw what was your thoughts on the suit cuz I think it was smoking

Jen<3 fuck yeah. Part of me thought I was about cum right then and there

WOAHH as you were about to start typing again the message got deleted but yet the dark red shade on your checks all the way to your neck was infact still there

y/n what did you delete ?

Jen<3 nth important. Anyway wanna hangout tmr?

y/n are you asking me out on a date Ortega ?

Jen<3 idk why do you want it to be?

y/n does my note say other ways?

Jen<3 okay then it’s a deal tmr at 7 ill pick you up

Okay shit jenna fucking Ortega just asked me out on a date

SHIT