#but some of it is really organizer kindred

[commanderyes]

The Commander Says Goodbye

I’m not going to lie, I’m extremely anxious as i’m writing this, out of what these news could mean to a lot of people, and my heart feels heavy enough it could drop down my ribcage any minute from now and squish all my other organs. But I’ve been dancing around this topic for a long time now, and I think i’ve finally reached a point where i can’t ignore it anymore, for my own sake.

I hereby announce Commander Yes has come to an end.

As I’ve mentioned plenty of times before, here and to many other people, when I began this comic all the way back in 2018 I was in a really bad, really low place in my life in every sense of the word, and it was a spur-of-the moment decision to cheer myself up, because Path of Fire had just released and my enjoyment of the game had reached fever pitch and I had been playing Guild Wars 2 alone since as far as launch, and none of my other friends had ever really gotten into it. I guess I just, dunno, cried out into the big maelstrom of the community, one voice amidst millions, because i wanted SOMEBODY to look at what i did and revel in the nerdery with me.

And somehow the snowball began to roll and people wanted more and more of what I could do, and I was being actively reached out to, and, well, some time after that I landed my first ever job, I discovered a lot of things about myself, and I found myself in communities that welcomed me with open arms, and many of the people in there have since become among the best friends I could’ve possibly encountered, kindred souls who i’ve shared joys and sorrows for many years and who I can’t imagine living without anymore.

And all the while I kept making the comics, and with every entry posted every week I’d keep having people stopping to comment on them, and whether they were dumb jokes or personal takes on the story, they’d all share how much what I do kept hitting them in the kokoro, and to this day whenever I play anywhere in the game I still get people who recognize me and thank me for doing what I do. It was wonderful, it IS wonderful, and seeing that response motivated me to keep going, because what did still mattered to people, out there.

But I did always say I planned to keep doing these comics until I ran out of energy for them, and I think i’ve finally reached that point.

Because ever since I actually landed that job I’m exhausted and sleep-deprived every other day, so much so that I only have time to work on the comic on saturdays and sundays, and it gets harder and harder to just sit and draw, and at that point it was just more work, and while I still enjoy and play Guild Wars 2 a lot, it no longer consumes my time and attention like I’ve used to and i’ve been having fun with more personal projects, and honestly the direction the story is taking these days does not sit right with me and it’s hard to find inspiration in that, and this might be borderline selfish but every year I find people care less and less about the comics and it really takes a hit to you motivation when hardly anybody responds after you’ve spent a whole weekend trying to squeeze a five-page comic out.

And, well, I have been doing these for six years straight, and I think that’s a good run. I’m tired, and ready to move on, at long last. Let it be someone else’s turn.

But that’s the beautiful thing about this community, isn’t it? Even if I’m hanging up the hat, there are a whole lot of fantastic artists out there, as we speak, still cranking out works of art, deserving of all the attention they can get. And think of all the artists yet to come! For every story that ends, another story is just about to begin!

The world keeps on spinning, one way or another.

I’ll be closing my patreon shortly after this, but the reddit archives and tumblr blog shall remain for people to browse whenever they feel like (or until they both go in flames, i guess, what social media isn’t about to these days)

I still don’t think I ever was that much of a big deal, but all the same, to everyone who’s ever supported me and helped me be the person I am right now, to everyone who’s been there from the beginning, to all the devs of this game that has captured us for nearly a decade now, to all my fellow players and artists out there

Thank you.

See you out there, fellow commanders. Still the stars find their way.

[faded-florals]

Hello! I am a newcomer to POTO, and was introduced 3 days ago by deciding to randomly watch the 25 RAH. I fell so in love with the 25st cast, but especially and everlastingly with Hadley Fraser as Raoul. It was a little disheartening for me to realise that it wasn't a popular opinion, and when I found your tumblr, it was like finding a kindred spirit and even a wise elder spirit that showed me all the nuances I missed before. I must have read and adored each one of your Raoul posts - thank you.

(My apologies for the delayed response, this time of year is always so busy for me, and I've fallen behind!)

Hello, thank you for sending such a kind and thoughtful message! 🥰 I love to hear about new Phans falling in love with POTO RAH and Hadley's Raoul, and I'm glad my posts have resonated with you. I feel I've analyzed pretty much every moment of his on-stage time in that production, both in writing and in gifs, and you've summarized my thoughts very well here.

I really like how there is a distinct shift in Hadley's Raoul from act I to act II, from speculative but ultimately unbothered to fiercely protective and frustrated, almost in parallel with how we the audience are made aware of the steadily increasing threat the Phantom is becoming. His Raoul is charming but genuine and sweet in his first few scenes, and I agree his mannerisms at the end of the show are quite different from the young man we were introduced to in Little Lotte. His lines in the final lair are soaked in desperation and anger, especially his "Let me see her!" and "Why make her lie to you to save me?"

It's important to remember that the staging/blocking for POTO RAH is very different from the original - I'd argue it's much more organically emotional for all three of the characters. While many of the changes were made out of necessity for how the RAH stage was set up, the impact of the altered staging to the scene is undeniable. Some examples being the Phantom holding Christine by the throat, the prolonged doomed trek that Raoul has to make across the stage to ultimately be caught in the lasso, and the visual of Christine climbing down and back up the stairs of the Phantom's "hell" one last time to say goodbye.

Combine that with the fact that Ramin, Sierra, and Hadley all have very high-strung interpretations of their characters to begin with, it doesn't surprise me that Hadley's Raoul culminated in practically lunging at the Phantom at the end of the final lair. I think a lot of it had to do with Ramin and Hadley's chemistry, too, and while it is very different from most productions I ultimately feel that it works.

I think the point I'm trying to make in all of this is that POTO RAH was a very special production, with a remarkable cast in a unique situation that has left a lasting impression on me and many Phans. I really love to hear how special this production and these actors are to you, thanks for reaching out! 💕

[val-of-the-north]

A small detail of the Kindred of Rot

At some point I was made aware of a very easy-to-miss detail on one of the enemies of Elden Ring. I must thank Zlofsky from Twitter for this. The detail in question is this [x]

(Here's the version for those who don't want to use the link)

As you can see, the Kindred of Rot can have this peculiar red "spike" protruding from the back of their heads. I had not heard many people actually talk about this detail in length, but I heard it posited that it was actually found only on the Pests that Gowry takes over, and that it was some sort of parasitic mushroom, like the one that infests ants in the real world. The idea was very compelling and fit the theme of the Scarlet Rot neatly, so I eventually decided to verify it. Sure enough, the spike was there after his borrowed Pest body died.

So yeah, that's it then! It was all Gowry and he was actually some sort of parasitic mushroom all along! To consolidate the discovery, I decided to kill another Kindred of Rot in Caelid. That proved to make things more complicated than I first thought, as after the fight I realized it ALSO had the weird red spike on the back of its head!

So I thought maybe it's all the ones in Caelid, because Gowry can choose from all of them as the next host. Sounds reasonable right? So I went to check in Elphael instead, to see if this theory was true, only to be met with other corpses sporting the red spike. I started thinking that maybe the variant MISSING the red thing was actually the uncommon one, until I found a gentlebug who did not aggro even as I stood pretty close. There I could finally see that he did not have one! And later on, I found another one that I could avoid aggroing, and sure enough, it also didn't have the red spike.

And when killed, both sprouted that red thing too!

So what is their deal? It's clearly not tied to Gowry at this rate, but it's also such an insignificant detail that I could not help but wonder about... so I decided to do some final testing. I went back to Caelid and found a chilling Kindred of Rot. It would be my test subject. Here's its neck states in order:

Idle - No Spike

Getting Up - No Spike

Start of Aggro - Spike

During Aggro - Spike (this was hellish to get)

Dead - Spike

So in conclusion, the red spike seems to only appear when the Kindred of Rot initiates a fight. This still doesn't tell us anything concrete, BUT it does leave some room for speculation. Maybe it's just some kind of organ or antenna that pops up when they are distressed or aggravated (though it's noticeably absent in the young ones). Maybe it truly is a parasitic mushroom, using the Pests as soldiers and making them attack us against their will.

Whatever the case may be, I had never seen anyone really talk about this design element before, so I thought it was worth putting it out there. Maybe it can help someone with their theories.

[scottpetersen]

How I Think Certain Atypical Characters Would Interact With Certain DuckTales (2017) Characters

Ok. Here I’ll be going over how I think certain characters from the Atypical TV series would interact with certain characters from the DuckTales (2017) TV series. Also, Spoiler Alert for the Atypical TV series and the DuckTales (2017) TV series. With that out of the way, let’s dive right in.

I think that Casey would get along just fine with Lena and Webby. After all, as shown in the episode ‘Antarctica’, Casey can be pretty snarky and aggressive and, as shown in the episode ‘The Beagle Boy Breakout!’, Lena is also pretty snarky and aggressive. Also, I think that Casey and Lena might see each other as kindred spirits since they both had controlling parental figures who interferes with their relationships. As shown in the episode ‘Julia Says’, Casey’s mother Elsa was overprotective of her and her brother Sam to an extreme fault and, as shown in the episode ‘Player’s Ball’, her father Doug interfered with her relationship with Izzie and, as shown in the episode ‘The Other Bin Of Scrooge McDuck!’, Lena’s aunt Magica De Spell took control of her body and, as shown in the episode ‘Nightmare On Killmotor Hill!’, Magica tried to make Lena lose faith in her bond with Webby. On that note, I think that Casey would really want to break Magica’s beak if possible after she finds out about all the pain and grief she put her niece Lena through, especially since, unlike Doug who, as shown in the episode ‘Dessert At Olive Garden’, grew to genuinely felt remorse for interfering in Casey’s relationship and learned that he should never have done it, Magica, as also shown in the episode ‘Nightmare On Killmotor Hill!’, didn’t feel remorse for what she did to Lena. Plus, both Casey and Lena have a sibling-like bond with and serve as a stark contrast to someone who is quite nerdy. As shown in the episode ‘Sam Takes A Walk’, Casey has a sibling-like bond with and served as a stark contrast to her brother Sam who can be quite nerdy and, as shown in the episode ‘Challenge Of The Senior Junior Woodchucks!’, Lena has a sibling-like with and served as a stark contrast to Violet who can also be quite nerdy. As for why I think Casey would get along with Webby, I think it would come down to their shared passion for being athletic. After all, as shown in the episode ‘Are You In Fair Health?’, Casey has a passion for running and, as shown in the episode ‘From The Confidential Casefiles Of Agent 22!’, Webby is passionate about her spy training which would surely include athletic training. Also, on that note, I think that Casey and Webby would like to give Lena some athletic training to further prepare her for whatever threats she would have to face.

I think that Sam would get along just fine with Huey and Della. As shown in the episode ‘Antarctica’, Sam is pretty smart and hyperfocused and, as shown in the episode ‘Quack Pack!’, Huey is also pretty smart and hyperfocused. Sam and Della might get into a few heated arguments at first since, as shown in the episode ‘Magical Bird #1’, Sam prefers staying organized whereas, as shown in the episode ‘Nothing Can Stop Della Duck!’, Della doesn’t care about organizing. But since, as also shown in the episode ‘Nothing Can Stop Dells Duck!’, Della does apply math to some of her stunts, I think that Della and Sam would learn to get along. Also, as shown in the episode ‘Antarctica’, Sam is autistic and often tends to get quite hyperfocused on certain specific things and, as @minatist pointed out in their Kinda Funny How I Headcanon Them Both As Autistic…..Lets Go Autistic Genes! post and, as @boingodigitalart illustrated in his Happy Autism Awareness Day And Autism Acceptance Month 2024!!!!! ❤️ ❤️ ❤️ ❤️ ❤️ ❤️ post, both Huey as well as his mother Della are autistic which would make sense since, as shown in the episode ‘The Most Dangerous Game…Night!’, Huey often tends to get quite hyperfocused on certain specific things which is one thing that could mean a person is autistic and, as @freakzofnurture pointed out in their …And So Much More! post and as shown in the episode ‘Nothing Can Stop Della Duck!’, Della often has trouble with social cues which is another thing that could mean a person is autistic. This all would probably mean that all 3 of them are autistic. So, Sam and Huey might see each other as kindred spirits since they’re both pretty smart, hyperfocused and autistic and Sam and Della might also see each other as kindred spirits since, as shown in the episode ‘Antarctica’, Sam is autistic and has trouble with social cues and, as already pointed out, Della is also autistic and has trouble with social cues. Also, Sam, Huey and Della all have at least a slight sense of adventure. After all, as shown in the episode ‘Dessert At Olive Garden’, Sam wanted to go to Antarctica and, as shown in the episode ‘Challenge Of The Senior Junior Woodchucks!’, Huey loves being and is a member of the Junior Woodchucks, a group of people who go through a series of insanely difficult obstacles to earn badges and, as shown in the episode ‘The First Adventure!’, Della loved adventuring since she was a kid. So, with that in mind, I think that both Huey and Della would be ecstatic to join Sam on a trip to Antarctica and would like to see if it can earn him more Junior Woodchuck badges.

I think that Donald and Doug would have a rocky start before they learn to get along. After all, I think that Donald would get mad at Doug for, as I pointed out earlier, interfering with his daughter Casey’s relationship with Izzie given that, as shown in the episode ‘What Ever Happened To Donald Duck?!’, Donald is very loyal to his own family and that, as shown in the episode ‘The Last Crash Of The Sunchaser!’, he was very mad at his uncle Scrooge for the loss of his sister Della. But I think that Donald might start to empathize with Doug for, as I also pointed out earlier, learning that he shouldn’t have interfered with his daughter’s relationship with her girlfriend and also because, as shown in the episode ‘Ernest Shackleton’s Rules For Survival’, Doug also felt a lot of anger when it came to misfortune he had with his family to the point that he confronted and punched Nick since he was the one who his wife cheated on him with. Speaking of Donald and Doug’s families…

I think that it would be interesting if the McDuck family and the Gardner family had a dinner together since those 2 families have quite a few surprising similarities. Both families almost got torn apart by a family secret. After all, as shown in the episode ‘The Last Crash Of The Sunchaser!’, the secret Scrooge kept about Huey, Dewey and Louie’s mother Della’s disappearance created a rift between them and almost tore their family apart and, as shown in the episode ‘The Silencing Properties Of Snow’, Elsa secretly cheating on her husband Doug with Nick created a rift between her and her family. Also, both families had a parent who was quite strict with their child which caused them to have a strained relationship. In the case of the McDuck family, there was Fergus McDuck and his son Scrooge McDuck who, as shown in the episode ‘The Secret(s) Of Castle McDuck!’, had a strained relationship due to how strict Fergus was with Scrooge. And in the case of the Gardner family, there was Casey Gardner and her mother Elsa Gardner who, as shown in the episode ‘Julia Says’, had a strained relationship partly because Elsa was being overprotective and strict with her. So, Scrooge and Casey might bond a little bit because of this. And both families went through quite a bit of conflict and strife before ultimately persevering through it all. As shown in the episode ‘The Shadow War Part 2: The Day Of The Ducks!’, the McDuck family went through quite a bit of conflict before ultimately persevering through and, as shown in the episode ‘Dessert At Olive Garden’, the Gardner family also went through quite a bit of conflict before ultimately persevering through.

Well, that’s all for this post.

See you all next time.

[a-legacy-not-to-be-forgotten]

More SequenceShift Fun Facts

Decided to do another round of these until I get more asks or art out there. Hope this'll hold things over for now. Also here's the first on in case you haven't seen it

Kit the Fox (aka Kanako) acts in a similar manner to Flowey in Undertale Yellow, as in she acts as Clover's SAVE feature. However, unlike UTY, Clover himself can also SAVE on his own (albeit with a bit of guidance). And unlike Flowey, Kit absolutely loves this and sees a sort of kindred spirit with Clover.

Kit herself is something of a 'Flowey-in-Progress'. She's been experimenting with her SAVE and RESET powers but hasn't gone on rampages quite like Flowey has...not yet anyway. She's also a bit more childish and immature than him.

Instead of a bunch of scattered Monsters, the inhabitants of the Remnants (aka ruins) are a part of a small community that's helmed by Chujin. Generally, these are a mix of monsters from different backgrounds, some followers of Chujin, others who remained even after the city was abandoned.

To fit in with the mix of Western and Asian influence in SS, Clover wields both a gun and a katana in combat.

Before she was Empress, Ceroba sometimes joined in on the Feisty Five's antics in the Wild East as a way to detox a little bit from being Princess. She stopped after her mother passed and she was made Empress, but Ceroba still kept her hat to remind her of those days.

Martlet in SequenceShift is canonically an amputee and has fancy metal legs that she and Chujin worked on. Some of the flashbacks will even have her in a wheelchair prior to the prosthetics.

On a Pacifist Run, Dina's boss fight on Frostpeak will be skipped entirely. It's instead replaced with an encounter where she offers to take Clover to Frostpeak Settlement by giving them a piggyback ride.

While Dalv visits the Remnants frequently, he actually lives in Frostpeak, just a little bit outside of the Settlement itself. He still has Pops around and works on both his organ playing and making children's books. However, he's still fairly reclusive, with Starlo being perhaps the only person he's really opened up to recently, aside from Chujin.

Of all Six Rangers, Moray and Mooch have the strongest bond with eachother. Due to both being assigned to Lakeside, they generally spend time with one another and share their concerns over the Empress's orders and Starlo's undying loyalty to her.

A follow up on the last post I made, Dina occasionally joins Sans in making puns. This irritates Papyrus to no end.

If there's anything I haven't covered so far, feel free to ask me!

[ghost-bxrd]

You’ve officially gotten me hooked with Calvin Rose.

Thoughts on Casey? So far I love her and her crew. She’s so cool. I did NOT expect her to walk in like a boss after absolutely owning Calvin. Also the one panel of interaction between Calvin and Casey’s daughter was absolutely precious.

I’m only on the fourth issue of Talon but that man deserves the world. The bank heist has just gone out the window as Calvin literally gets dragged out a window. I hope to god everyone lives (wishful thinking). Have you finished reading all the issues?

YESSSS! ANOTHER ONE FOR THE TEAM! 🎊🙌💚

Casey is an icon. Whole nine yards badassery. I love how she juggles being a fugitive, single mom, and secret ring leader of an organization, helping people get out of gangs/evil cults. Like, role model for sure. No fear whatsoever in that woman. She’s someone who would walk up to Joker like nobody’s business and kick him where the sun don’t shine.

She complements Calvin’s “would rather run from everything” perfectly that way. Whereas Casey is always on the offensive, Calvin prefers to stay on the defensive. And working together they generally manage to find an equilibrium ✨

Funnily enough though I don’t really ship them? For me personally I just didn’t feel the chemistry. They seemed more like— kindred spirits. They didn’t meet under good circumstances, both needed someone to lean on at the time. Someone to trust. And they were that for each other, are that for each other. But yeah, I don’t really feel the romance part of their relationship.

Or maybe it’s because I prefer the “would totally burn the world for each other” relationships. Or because the chemistry between her and Anya just didn’t read as forced to me as the one with Calvin did. But everyone’s got their preferences 💚

And yes I’ve read all the volumes! I had this huge collective comic with all issues combined 🦉🦉🦉 you’re in for some crazy plot twists ksksks

[hamliet]

What are you’re thoughts on RanPoe as a relationship, Ship wise or not! I just really like they’re dynamic so I was hoping you’d feel the same, I tried looking for it in your tags but just got ranpo alone haha

I love it! Canon relationship and as a ship, and tbh I think they’ve got some subtext to them as well lol. It’s like a comic enemies to friendsish/lovers, because they recognize a kindred spirit in the other.

I also like the motif of fiction as escapism works for both. Poe’s ability is literally turning the worlds he writes into a reality for people. Ranpo on the surface seems like he lives in a world of facts guided by intuition, but he also actually chooses to believe fiction to an extent in that it’s been heavily implied Ranpo knows he does not have an ability but uses the idea that he does as a way to cope with his self perception,

Fiction therefore isn’t just an escape for both. It’s also a means of connection. Ranpo uses it to feel less alienated because he isn’t the only one with an ability, and Poe uses it to test people via coming up with plots and mysteries that enable him to learn as much about the people he traps in his stories as talking to them would. That fiction and mysteries enables Poe and Ranpo to connect across cultures and organizations is also a pretty telling meta commentary.

[baddybaddyadardaddy]

⭐ for the director's cut?

ooooh, thanks for asking @niennawept!!

(i'm not going to lie, it's TOUGH to pick out one thing to focus on...but actually, i was skimming back through my WIP doc the other day, and re-read Chapter 24: Heartrending and there were some things in there i really enjoyed revisiting, so we're gonna talk about that!)

one of the things i am MOST proud of in this fic that i came to rather organically was Adar having three names, in line with the elvish naming conventions Tolkien established, despite the fact that he was separated from his elven kindred early in life.

that wasn't something i had necessarily planned from the outset, but when i had the idea that Lenneth might give him a name after one of the constellations, Telumendil, i realized that the setup was there.

so in my 'verse, he has his father-name (Eren), given by Iluvatar. His "mother name" (or "name of insight," more accurately in this case) is the one given to him by Lenneth (Telumendil, "lover of the stars"). and then his chosen name, of course, is Adar.

Once i figured that out thematically, it set up for a LOVELY identity crisis at a crucial moment in the story. It also led me to one of the sentences in this fic that i am MOST proud of:

(putting below the tag for spoilery reasons)

"In each name there is a sorrow: for Eren had no offspring, and Adar has no wife, and Telumendil will slip away entirely when Lenneth breathes her last."

When i wrote that sentence, i was honestly struck by how succinctly it summed up the tragedy of Adar's life: how in early his early years, obviously, he wanted both his true love (Erenyë) and children, but was unable to have both together.

and then in his later years, i think his deepest desire was to be known by someone, and that's the critical role Lenneth came to play in the narrative.

In very early drafts, I did intend for her to be a bit more of an overt love interest for Adar than she ultimately became (did I maybe write the beginnings of smut for them at one point? possibly.) But the more time I spent on building Adar and Erenyë's relationship dynamic and the depth of his devotion to her throughout the many ages of his life, I realized that it wouldn't make sense to do that.

I wanted Erenyë to always be the primary driver in his life, his reason for everything, and for there to be almost a sanctity to their relationship that he clings to. That's ultimately, IMHO, what shields him from succumbing fully to darkness and despair. And that would have been diminished if i'd allowed him to advance and consummate a relationship with Lenneth.

nevertheless, Lenneth is one of the most significant figures in Adar's life, after Erenyë and Mazul. she is the keeper of all three of his names, she is the one who has had the ability to see every aspect of him, and that's something not even Erenyë would ever have known.

Which led me to this heartbreaker of a sentence:

His own breath stutters in his throat at the thought of her. Lenneth is the only soul ever to know him by all three names, and soon she will be gone.

and then of course, we come to the conversation between Adar and Vrak (the younger uruk who came to be incredibly curious about elf culture), and I got to have this moment where Adar is able to (semi-directly) acknowledge both Lenneth and Erenyë together and it just felt like a beautiful and heartbreaking moment in the story.

“Adar?” Vrak asks when he is through. “Am I—are we all—descended from mothers as fair as she?” The question is a knife, though Vrak knows not just how sharp. He swallows, attempting to shift the thick knot of emotion at his throat. “As fair, and fairer still.”

Annnnnnnnnnnd now i'm in my feelings.

Anyway, thank you for the ask and for listening to my ramblings!

[sacredechoes]

Valentia Side Material and Translations: Resource Masterpost

This post is to organize links to side material for Gaiden/Shadows of Valentia, much of which Sacred Echoes has drawn upon for additional story and characterization details. In the case of translated material, I will link to the main translator's site; if you worked on these translations and have a Tumblr handle you'd like to be credited under as well, please message me and I'll update the post.

Art Book, Valentia Accordion

Includes concept art, full character biographies, and an official timeline. Information here is considered a primary source.

Character bios and concept art translations are hosted on Kantopia's translations blog. Additional translators assisted with individual pages and are credited therein by their Twitter handles.

Lyrics translations of the songs with vocals are available at the above link and were contributed by @mystletainn.

The official timeline was translated by @vincentasm on Serenes Forest.

Drama CD - "Foreign Skies, Daybreak Forest"

Taking place in Act 4 soon after the Deliverance crosses the Rigel border, this drama CD features Alm, Faye, Silque, Tobin, Kliff, Lukas, Forsyth, and Python, as well as three Rigelian characters not used elsewhere. Information here is considered a primary source, and this is the only quasi-official source of information about Alm's mother.

While Clive and Mathilda return to Zofia to quell dissent among the nobility in the wake of Desaix's defeat, the Deliverance are attacked by Rigelian child soldiers armed with cursed weapons. Alm's compassion and sense of justice lead him to try and reach out to these children rather than attack them with military force, and he discovers that they are orphans marginalized by brutal Rigelian customs and being used as pawns by the Duma Faithful. Alm reckons with the reality that Rigelians are not his enemies, but the systemic oppression they face from the empire and death-cult that rules over them, and through his compassion he meets some kindred spirits. Contains some really great characterizations of the Lukas/Python/Forsyth trio as well.

Text translation was done by @garmmy on their translations blog. A subtitled video playlist was created using garmmy's translations with the original audio by @fudgenomnomnom.

Valentia Comic Anthology

Includes over 100 4koma (4-panel, half-page) comics, as well as longer-form one-shots of 8 or more pages. Material here is more akin to fan comics and is thus considered a secondary source.

The 4koma have all been translated and hosted by Kantopia on their blog.

The one-shots are not all in the same place, and not all have been translated yet. Four have been done by @mystletainn a few years ago, while @hypergammaspaces is picking up the remaining chapters:

As Comrades, by Itagaki Hako - TL: mystletainn. Faye resolves to do whatever she can to help carry Alm's burdens, and brings the Ram boys along. Alm proves he loves his friends as much as they love him.

Sweet Delivery, by Watarizora Tsubamemaru - TL: mystletainn. Atlas fails to guard Mae and Leon's fresh-baked cookies, so he, Saber, and Jesse agree to gather the ingredients to replace them.

Fieldwork in Zofia, by Shiroishi Kotoni - TL: mystletainn. Taking place shortly before Act 3, Kliff ventures out to survey the lands north of Zofia Castle and encounters a certain masked knight who has more in common with him than either of them expect.

Only My Big Brother, by Kirai Yuu - TL: mystletainn. Tired of being ignored by Valbar, Leon ropes Kamui into helping him find the perfect boyfriend.

Know Your Enemy and Know Yourself, by Temo Uchida - TL: hypergammaspaces. Lukas and Forsyth try to encourage Kliff to take his combat duties seriously.

Future Wife, by Reku Hayase - TL: hypergammaspaces. Mathilda navigates her thoughts about her future with Clive as she reconciles Clair's expectations of her. Lukas is there too.

Let's Go To Ram Village, by Kazuomi Mochizuki - TL: hypergammaspaces. Translation is in-progress. Clair, having just met the Deliverance, asks to see what life in Ram Village is like, and Alm agrees to show her. Faye isn't too happy about this, but finds common ground with Clair by the end.

There are at least three more chapters yet untranslated which will be linked here as they are completed.

Rise of the Deliverance DLC

This was a set of four story maps set in the year-and-a-half or so before the events of Act 1. Focused around Clive, Fernand, Mathilda, Clair, Lukas, Forsyth, and Python, this added supports and memory prisms between these characters as well as story map dialogue. Scripts, memory prisms, and additional support transcriptions were found on a Serenes Forest forum post by user godzillahomer.

Gaiden manga

One-volume manga by Masaki Sano and Kyo Watanabe, published by Asuka Comics DX. Partial scans have been found on the Fire Emblem (Fandom) Wiki, but no complete scans or translations have been found as of this post. This is the one where Desaix stabs Kliff to death (hence Kliff joking about "maybe we can all get impaled on the same lance" in SoV). Many characters are entirely absent, while both Deen and Sonya appear in Celica's party.

Gaiden novelization

A light novel with a few illustrations throughout. Based heavily on the author's personal playthrough, Silque thus features prominently as she basically hard-carried Alm's party. Neither English FE wiki has a page about this adaptation. I have an acquaintance who owns it but I'm not aware of any full scans/translations available as of this post. This is the one where Kliff and Silque are half-siblings with the same father.

[uglygirlstatus]

what would you recommend I watch after riverdale now…I have nothing…it was the only show

No literally it was the only show…. Truly nothing else compares or will ever compare.

THAT SAID. WATCH DEGRASSI: THE NEXT GENERATION (and its sequel series Degrassi Next Class. You could also watch the original Degrassi series from the 80s but I haven’t watched those so can’t vouch for them). there are like 400 episodes so it’ll keep you busy. The Degrassi franchise invented teen drama. It’s obviously more grounded than Riverdale and has a majorly different feel since the actors are all teens but Degrassi is my other television best friend. It also has really off the rails storylines that still have strong emotional heart and beautiful amazing delightful characters. Also Fiona Coyne ran so Cheryl Blossom could fly (mean crazy rich girl to lesbian pipeline with dubious means to acquiring wealth and hijinks related to organs and questionable relations to her twin brother.) if you’re in Canada I think all eps are still free on YouTube and I think it’s free on Pluto elsewhere.

otherwise I also recommend Yellowjackets. I know there are people who scoff and roll their eyes at Riverdale yet love Yellowjackets and they’re wrong I think they are kindred spirits in many ways. Also Doctor Curdle Jr and Donna Sweett are there in both shows. I know some people got bored of yj partway thru and tbh I think bingeing it does it a disservice and makes it feel draggy so take ur time

in a completely different vein I also recommend Derry Girls bc it’s one of my fave shows ever. It’s like if Always Sunny were all teenage girls in 1990s Ireland

[arx-aru]

i do think the kindred of rot and their sages should be regarded as equally a civilization as Marika's empire or its successor states. they're not intrinsically evil, sub-human, or anything and I'm pretty certain Miyazaki meant to impart that .

explanation below the cut

the most obvious reason being that they have dogs

no I'm serious, FromSoft has a tradition of using dogs across the areas of their games to reflect the societies associated with them; consider as a close parallel how the Capra Demon from Dark Souls 1 had dogs, as well as the people of Blighttown.

Having domesticated animals, weaponry(tools), settled homes, and organized patrols / probably-unethically-sourced laborers mining for them is indicative, by any definition, of civilization. The fact that they're unsightly, much as the Demons of Souls, has no bearing on their right to this title and the respect we (arbitrarily and unfairly)assign to it.

And yeah the dogs in Caelid don't look healthy, but it's really no different from how humans breed dogs into outwardly rather strange bastardizations of their predescessors, often to the detriment of the animals' health. It's hard to see it as anything but some form of analogue, especially the big guys

i don't think it's meant to be commentary on how we domesticate animals so much as the way we obsess the optics of a society over anything else but yeah

[vampire-the-askerade]

Nines Rodriguez x Reader

[content warning: arguments, slightly risky at the end but not totally nsfw]

[not proof read, sorry. Just had one of those, “wait a minute I love him” moments and had to write something]

The rain was finally starting to let up. While you were thankful for the extra cover it gave earlier, it was nice to not have to worry about getting totally soaked on your way to the Last Round. It didn’t really bother you really as even while it was still raining on you , you felt so proud of yourself that not much could bother you.

There were rumors of another group like the Brotherhood of the 9th Circle was popping up again. Remembering how much trouble they caused you were all resolved to find out where they were, if the rumors were true, and stopping them before such a big risk to the masquerade occurs again.

Something else you knew from the last time they were around was that if this truly was the 9th Circle or even something similar, they weren’t something to be taken lightly. After the bits and pieces that Damsel had seen herself, the aftermath the others saw when they were making sure that the group was truly gone for good, and what you had witnessed and dealt with firsthand, most everyone agreed that dealing with this new group was at least a two person job. Even if it was just some petty, copycat group, it was better to be safe than sorry.

That was, everyone except you.

You insisted that you could handle at least getting information about the group by yourself, then simply get help for fighting them off, if that was even necessary. After all, you had handled the first situation almost completely by yourself.

This was an idea that Nines shut down immediately. Now that Camarilla in the area were a bit more scrambled and unorganized than they once were, he had more time and attention to actually focus on some other things. Learning what he had about the whole 9th Circle incident, it was one of the only things he actually regretted not putting more of his attention into at the time. A single vampire spreading disease can be a pain; a whole cult devoted to it was dangerous. Things could have turned out much worse if that group was a little more organized. That was something that he was not going to risk this time.

As much as they would verbally deny it, around the Round, what Nines said was practically law. So, when he straight out forbade you from doing anything yet, everyone else just assumed that was the end of that. Afterwards, Nines watched you like a hawk as he knew how stubborn you could be, every so often giving you a glare that silently said, “Don’t even think about it.”

You were patient if nothing else and waited a few night after your disagreement for him to let his guard down. Earlier tonight, instead of joining him as he made his way to the bar you had told him that you had some things that you needed to do beforehand. Nines gave you the look once more and warned, “Behave yourself,” before going his way.

Of course once you were sure that he wasn’t going to turn back and check on you, you went straight to where the rumors said the strange group had last been sighted. You weren’t concerned about being cornered or anything like that as it seemed to be in a pretty well known park, and it was still early enough in the night that there were plenty of humans still awake, meaning that even if there were members of the cult there they either wouldn’t attack with that many witnesses around or they might not even realize you weren’t just someone out for an evening stroll.

While it wasn’t impossible for them to be involved with a group of kindred, it wasn’t as likely. Even if they were, there was no way that they would give any of you much trouble if push came to shove. Without wanting to act without more information, as well as not totally going against what Nines had said, you decide to head back to the Last Round. The thought that Nines was going to be at least a bit upset with you did cross your mind, but you figured that getting information would help cool his temper.

It didn’t take long to find this supposed group’s hide out: a stereotypical abandoned bathroom covered in graffiti. You risked taking a peek inside one of the small windows at the top of the little building. What you saw made you have to hold back a laugh. It was just a group of kids, if they were out of high school it must have just happened this past school year. From the little looks you could risk without getting caught or slipping on the little ledge slick with rainfall you were standing on, it just looked like they were hiding out here to sneak whatever delinquency they could think to try.

Things seemed normal when you got to the Round; hardly anyone even noted you coming in a few hours past when you usually did. It made sense as you all had things that you had to get done most nights, so they all must have assumed that you were off on some sort of job or another. You checked in with Damsel and Skelter to let them know you had gotten there, before heading upstairs. It seemed like Nines wasn’t there at first, but you eventually saw him brooding in a corner table. It seemed something put him in a bad mood… better save your confession for later.

Later wouldn’t come, however, as the moment that he saw you his eyes narrowed and he nodded his head toward the chair next to him to tell you to come over and sit down. Hoping to do anything to put him in a better mood for the sake of everyone else here, you complied and started thinking about ways to cheer him up. You sat and rested your arms on the table. Nines was quick to grab one of your hands, an attention getting action rather than a romantic one.

“Where were you?” He asked firmly.

You shrugged off the question like it wasn’t serious. “I just had something I wanted to do earlier.”

His hold tightened on your hand in warning. “Where were you?” He asked once more, not really needing you to answer, but giving you the chance to; his Bruja temper looking like it was about to boil over any second.

He knew. You knew that he knew. There was rarely a time where he would be pushy with you, and that you would avoid giving him a direct answer. Both of your reactions to each other said it loud and clear: you did exactly what Nines had asked you not to.

“Home. Now!” He growled into your ear as he stood you both up with a firm hold on your shoulders and practically dragged you through the bar and out the door. All the others didn’t get in his path- they didn’t even try to ask where the two of you were going. His anger was radiating so hotly off of him that anyone could feel it from a mile away.

Though he was by no means running, the two of you seemed to get back to your apartment faster than usual. Probably didn’t get caught in much foot traffic as everyone else was avoiding him for the same reasons the other Anarchs were. His hands only left your shoulders when he unlocked the door and slammed it shut behind you both. He didn’t look at you for a good few minutes, only standing where he was after slamming the door, heaving breaths tensing his chest and shoulders.

“Nines, I-“

“No!” He snaps. “You keep your mouth shut!”

In the back of his mind he knows that he will regret being so harsh later, but at the moment his anger, his disappointment was winning out. Not wanting to have this discussion by the front door where anyone could hear it, he lead you back to the bedroom.

“What the hell were you thinking?!” Nines scolded. “We had decided not to do anything yet!”

“You had decided not to do anything.” You interjected, you own anger growing by this point.

“And, everyone else agreed! You don’t get to just run around and do whatever the fuck you want!” He yelled, causing you to dig in your heels.

“And, you don’t get to control my whole life!” You replied in kind.

The was an almost animalistic growl in his chest. “I’m not trying to control you!” Nines corrected. “I’m trying to keep you from getting hurt, or worse killed! You should know by now our kinda world doesn’t fuck around!”

You scoffed at him acting like you were still green and unable to fend for yourself. “Well, aren’t you the brave hero!” You sneer. “It was just a bunch of kids doing drugs! I’ve handled far worse!”

Nines eyes narrowed as he asked, “Yeah? And, what if it wasn’t?” His rage turning into a quiet one.

“Like I just said, I’ve handled worse. I took care of the 9th Circle perfectly fine by myself! It wouldn’t have been different this time!”

“You got lucky then!” He scolded once more. “There was so much that could have happened to you back then! What if it did? What if-“ Nines gave a frustrated huff and sat almost dejectedly on the bed, “What if something happened to you tonight?”

You knew from the somber tone his voice shifted to that even though he might be upset with you he was also upset with himself for not stopping you from trying something potentially dangerous. In a similar way, you were upset with him, but also with yourself for breaking his trust.

You walked over to the bed and sat next to him, resting you head on his chest. Nines was quick to wrap his arms around you and pull you closer. You both sat there like that, you being soothed by his familiar scents from his clothes and cologne, and him grounding himself to the reality that you were fine by resting head on yours and placing the odd kiss or two every few minutes.

“Nines, I’m sorry.” You sigh out eventually when the silence and your conscience got too heavy to bear anymore.

“Me too, babe.” He hummed and placed another kiss to the top of your head. “Just never do something that stupid again, alright?”

You nodded your head and snuggled more into his chest. “I love you.” You breathed out more than spoke, relieved that this argument was over.

“I love you too.” Nines assured you, but then disquieted you by adding, “which is why…”

You were suddenly pushed belly-down onto the bed, Nines sitting by your side and using one of his hands to press on your back and hold you down.

“I can’t let you get away with being a brat.” He finished his thought from before he manhandled you. His other hand started to smooth up you leg as he continued. “A brat that needs to get a reminder to show me respect.”

You knew exactly what you were in for when his wandering hand stopped at the top of your upper thigh. Nines confirmed it when he leaned down, nipped the top of your ear, and then promised in a husky whisper, “By the time I’m done with you tonight, your ass is going to be so raw you won’t be able to sit right for a week.”

You shutter in nervous anticipation. Nines placed a kiss to your jaw and asked, “Hand or belt?”

[hmserebusadjacent]

So this is Christmas

Part of Five Days of Izzy Hands Strikes Back

Izzy Hands x Male Reader (Developing friendship, Established Friendship, Both Aromantic Asexual)

Summary: You and Izzy bond over how difficult you find the festive period, and you both realise how much you mean to each other even though you haven't known each other that long.

Word count: 787

Fic link:

Christmas and New Year weren't really something you celebrated. Too many memories of family arguments, of people who didn't know you very well buying you presents that gave you dysphoria. The feeling that you should feel grateful for all the chaos and misdeeds that lingered over the whole thing didn't feel right to you at all.

So what you had started doing instead was going down to the beach, early in the morning when no one else was around. Skipping stones as the Christmas sun rose in the sky, and making sandcastles when the New Year's sun made her first appearance. In this scheme you had always been alone, no one else willing to get up that early to partake in your unique frivolity.

In truth, there was one reason why you were always glad to do this alone: you didn't feel like anyone else in your life would appreciate why you were doing it. You didn't feel like being questioned or indeed have to worry about other people's misgivings over your actions.

It had always felt easier to do it alone so that was what you did.

Then Izzy Hands arrived in your life in the summer and you realised that you might have found a kindred spirit. As the Christmas stuff arrived in shops horribly early you saw Izzy wince, turn away with a scowl. At the first mention of Christmas presents being bought for people, you chanced to ask Izzy what he was doing for the holiday season.

When he said nothing, just trying to avoid everything, you sensed an opportunity. 

In the time that you had known each other, even if you hadn't been close for much of it, Izzy had done wonders for your life. He'd brought you out of your shell and you out of his, and the amount of interests you shared was fantastic. You'd been on day trips to dockyards and had study sessions with polar exploration books in your laps.

If you wanted to give anyone peace at a difficult time of year, it was Izzy Hands.

What had made your heart ache the most was how glad Izzy seemed to have been to be offered your scheme, the sheer relief washing off of him in waves. In you he had also found a kindred spirit, and some semblance of hope that seemed to give him a new light in his heart.

The hug you had shared afterwards was beautiful, and you had let Izzy dictate how long it went on for so he could take all the succour and strength he needed from you.

So on that early Christmas morning, you had picked Izzy up from his house and driven you both to the seaside. Entourage complete with a flask of hot chocolate and breakfast kept in a warming box, the two of you claimed the beach as your own. Izzy watched as you skimmed stones and he read a book, then you watched as he drew flowery patterns in the sand just because he felt like it. As the sun gifted you more of her rays, Izzy had asked for you to sit down next to him and you could tell that he wanted to have a serious chat.

“I can't quite put into words how much good you have done me this year, but I wanted to thank you for it in my own small way.”

He had handed over a small wrapped parcel, and inside had been the rare and antique polar exploration book you had been eyeing up for months. Apparently Izzy had been looking at it so much the seller had given him a money off voucher, and just the act of your friend looking at it so much made you really smile.

“I know you struggle with all of this Izzy, so just know that I really do mean it when I say I'm so glad that I met you.”

Izzy looked away for a moment to contemplate the shoreline and the sea, and you could have sworn that his eyes nearly misted over with tears. That more than anything else was such an indicator that your friendship meant as much to Izzy as it did to you.

“Here's to many more years”, you murmured as you passed him a cup of hot chocolate, giving Izzy something to focus on other than his impending tears.

When he finally turned back to you, several tears had made their way down his cheeks, running into his goatee. Despite that he looked very happy and content, happily clinking his cup against yours.

“Here's to many more years”, he replied, and the genuine belief and want in Izzy Hands's voice nearly had you crying too.

[dapperbasil]

🌲👾📥 for Tammy?

Oh its time to dunk on a neonate huh. I love this selection of asks thank you Emi!

🌲 — surviving in the wilderness

So, Miss King has quite a few strikes against her in this regard. The most prevalent of these being that she's kindred. The wilderness is already not safe in the first place, add in the likelihood of there being Garou out there ready to rip her limb from limb? Yeah needless to say she's pretty bad at it. Theoretically she could last a night or two if she got lucky, but then comes her second problem, she's a Ventrue.

Her feeding preference is pretty particular, and she's not really finding it out in the wilderness all too often. As a 13th generation, she's not lasting too terribly long without feeding, especially if she gets injured due to her own clumsiness or the aforementioned dangers. She's also just a city girl in the first place. She's from New York and stayed there most of her life. Tammy was doomed from the start.

👾 — video games

This one made me laugh. Tammy is absolutely atrocious at video games. Its not for lack of trying, she definitely does try. Trevor tries to get her into them, as does Eleanor. She even tries different genres of games, but she's pretty bad at most of them. Zacharias even insists she plays Tetris wrong. One game she does fall in love with is Pikmin though. She's extremely serious about it, and actually very good with the time management aspects. Its the only game she's actually skilled at and enjoys, but they'll take the small wins... even if it takes forever for another game to come out. She's a vampire she's got time.

📥 — organization

Oh something she's actually great at! In part due to the derangement she gained from her horrible experience with the Nosferatu Primogen in Portland, Tammy is very well organized. Even before her test she enjoyed helping keep Zacharias on track, particularly with maintenance of his haven. It started as something she would do on a whim, but developed into a full on habit that Zacharias didn't mind taking advantage of. If his fledgling wanted to put herself to work keeping things tidy or doing some small job for him he wasn't going to complain.

[Skill Symbol Prompt list]

[chrisgates]

TIMING: September LOCATION: Wilks Mill Farm PARTIES: @honeysmokedham & @chrisgates SUMMARY: Chris thinks his interaction with the weird, bear girl is just a dream and Nora thinks the sad, werewolf man is delusional. She tries to help him out anyway. CONTENT WARNINGS: None

Today was a day of exploration. Normally Nora spent her days split between terrorizing townsfolk and hanging out in the forest. Today she was tired of those activities. She wanted to discover something new. As a bear. A Bear because it was funny when people saw a polar bear walking around town. They made faces, called 911, some of them even screamed. Nora lived for that shit. 

Nora vaguely wondered if people thought she might be an albino black bear. Her fur was all white, but her eyes were red. Wasn’t that a sign of albinism? She wasn’t sure. She never got through reading the Wikipedia article on the account of the writing being so boring. Only nerds could read wikipedia articles. Anyway, the albino black bear ended up in the farmlands of the area. It was very idyllic. Just like something out of a hallmark movie and postcard. She was going to need to come out here more often to ruin that.

The sight of a beautifully abandoned mill was what she started walking towards. She stopped walking when a pond caught her eye. She could go for a dip, Nora thought to herself, shuffling towards the water. The water looked beautifully undisturbed, and for a moment Nora thought she might like to just enjoy the moment. Staring deep within the flowing waters. She stood there for a while, thinking to herself exactly how she would draw each and every ripple of the water. She was so lost in the moment that she almost didn’t notice something. Was there someone down there looking at her? Nora blinked. It blinked. But it wasn’t her reflection blinking. Nora lifted a paw, trying to rub her eyes to see if she was making it up. She wasn’t. For some odd reason, Nora thought the face looked hungry. She could quite put her paw on it, but it was like staring at a kindred spirit. Ravenous with hunger. She was going to need to bring ham to this lake. Could she afford to waste a ham?

Through the viewfinder, a tall, thin stalk with wide ribbon-like leaves swayed lazily. Atop the organic tower sat a brilliant, blue bulb. Though it hadn’t bloomed, it was still beautiful. Sitting on one of the pairs of leaves was what looked like a ladybug, but it was... Different. The shutter clicked. It was a weird little insect without a doubt, but Chris didn’t think too deeply into it. Variations within a species happened often, maybe not to this extent, but he wasn’t worried — it and the flower photographed well. He was glad he made the decision to wander further from the safety of the Pines; the expansive farmland was beautiful even if the locals’ warnings were a bit odd. Still, he followed them to the letter — getting into trouble was not on the agenda. 

And yet trouble seemed to incessantly find him.

Just at the other end of the pond, a good distance from where Chris lay belly down among the tall wild flowers, was a bear. That would have been alarming enough given how open the field was — there really wasn’t anywhere to hide — but what made it so much worse, confusingly so, was that it looked like a polar bear. A polar bear. “What the..,” he whispered to himself and to the tiny yellow flower that lay beneath his chin. With his attention glued to the large creature, Chris tried to press himself further into the grass and blend in; he couldn’t have been luckier to have such a neutral color palette in his wardrobe. While the green was definitely a good few shades darker than the grass and the brown of his jacket didn’t seem to fit with the foliage, it was better than something loud and patterned. Maybe he could get out of this unscathed.

Chris’ heart pounded against the inside of his chest; he could hear it in his ears. How was he going to get out of this? There wasn’t anywhere to hide, there wasn’t anywhere to really run, nowhere close by. The bear would surely catch up with him if he tried to escape. It looked like he needed to lay low for now — but he couldn’t shake the rippling anxiety that crawled up his spine. Not now, he thought, please... not now.

Whatever stared back at Nora within that lake could have held her attention for eternity. The only thing that caught her attention was her own hunger being satiated. The scent of cedarwood mixed with blood and anger drifted toward her on the gentle breeze. A fear scent. A tasty little surprise snack. She took a deep breath, enjoying the meal being offered to her without question. What was there to question? She was a bear in human territory. Humans are always scared of what they don't understand. Now that her concentration on the lake’s surface was broken, the face she’d been staring at disappeared. Nora looked back for a bit, trying to determine what happened to it, but after no movement within the lake, she gave up on it. There was something more interesting to hunt down now anyhow. 

Nose to the ground, like every cartoon of hunting dogs Nora had ever seen, she began the hunt. It wasn’t that hard. The scent of fear was flowing from one singular location. However, Nora is nothing if not a true showman. She wanted to put on a show for the lone scared human hiding in the grass. Leaving humans with paralyzing questions running through their minds was pure comedy. Would they be safe laying there? Should they run? Would the bear discover them and kill them? These were all the possibilities that she knew were making their fear double in this situation. Nora made slow lazy circles around the position she knew the human to be in. She was trying to play it off as if she knew he was in the area but she couldn’t quite pinpoint it. After all, hope was a powerful drug for humans. They did stupid things like remaining still when they hoped they wouldn’t be discovered.

Each game needed to come to an end. And just like that, Nora was standing over a human male, nose pressed to the ground in front of him, eyes staring right at him. Nora stood there for a second, before lifting up her head and letting out a yodeling bear scream. That, Nora thought to herself, should be the real killer. The war cry of a bear right before the attack. She hoped he would pee himself. It was always funnier when humans peed themselves. 

This wasn’t Chris’ first run-in with a bear given his career as a nature photographer, but this was the first time he actually felt like he was in danger. Distance and a really good zoom were essential in capturing bears safely; he’d be the biggest idiot, otherwise. Even though this definitely wasn’t a fault of his own — he would always check his surroundings before disappearing behind his camera’s viewfinder — he still felt like an idiot. He wasn’t even out there for bears anyway, so the fact that he was now face to face with one really cemented his fear. 

What added to the terror of the situation was confusion. Where had the bear even come from? Wouldn’t he have seen it, considering how large and stark white its fur was. Was it a polar bear? If it was, what the hell was it doing in Maine? Did it escape from a zoo? Or was this an albino bear? The creature drew close enough that Chris could make out the flickering of red pigment in the animals’ eyes through the foliage he hid within. It could be albino, and that made a lot more sense to him, so he chose to stick with it. The assumption was safer than the idea of a polar bear loose in New England, even though he wasn’t physically safe in the slightest.

As the bear drew nearer still, clearly intent on finding whatever scent it picked up on, he had half a mind to just get up now and make a beeline for the nearest — well, for the nearest anything. Anything to get away from the sniffling and searching. Instead he sat and waited. Sat and listened. Sat and began to panic more and more as the bear continued to circle and enclose. His ears rang, his throat dried, his skin felt prickly, itchy and generally uncomfortable. It felt like a too wiry wool sweater he needed to rip off.

The moment would’ve been comical if it wasn’t paralyzing. He watched as the bear snuffled closer in a direct line that headed straight for him. He watched its large, white shoulders over the swaying tops of the grass until he could see nothing but its face in his face. This was what cartoons were made of, but Chris couldn’t appreciate the humor. He was too far inside his own head to really tell what was happening, but then he heard the roar and disappeared completely. 

The chances of getting out of this unharmed were astronomically small — they knew. 

They knew the moment they’d picked up on the bear and now they needed to protect themselves. That was the only way. So they tore through flesh and rearranged their bones, painful still but urgent, desperate. This needed to be quick. They needed to get out. Clothing ripped, giving way to fur and claws. It felt good to be out, but this bear — it would be a problem.

A defensive growl was returned in kind. A warning.

If Nora had a dime for every time someone turned into a wolf after she turned into a bear to scare them she would have two dimes. Which wasn't a lot of dimes, but it was strange that it kept happening. Nora watched as the photographer in the grass, overwhelmed with fear, shifted. It was fascinating to watch his bones distort, twisting, elongating into something new. The animal within him. Nora took notes. Was this how she looked when she turned into the bear? The cracking of the bones, the growth of the fur, the teeth jutting out and becoming sharp points. God, it was cool as fuck. As Nora watched the transformation she felt pride in what she was. It was heavy metal to force your body into a gross transformation process that left you different. And they did it often. Humans could never. They would piss themselves or scream or something. Nora wasn't sure what exactly. She had never shifted in front of a human because the people she kept shifting in front of ended up being wolves. 

A growl trickled from the wolf as the fear she'd been feasting on dissolved. Shame. Nora had been enjoying her meal, but this new oddity made up for it. Another wolf! She wondered if he would know the rich man who had broken into her crypt and stolen her sleeping bag. Nora backed away from the growling wolf, giving space and adapting to a non-threatening stance. It occurred to her that this was a fear response. People did desperate things while they were scared. The man in front of her had transformed into a wolf because he'd thought she was going to eat him. Well she was, and had been, just not in the conventional way.

Would being attacked by a wolf hurt? The bear tilted its head as it considered the question. Nora had never gotten in a fight as a bear before, so she was unsure if she would be able to keep up. She also didn't have a desire to fight. Fighting was cheap. Scaring people was the fun part. Plus, Nora considered, she didn't have health care. If she ended up at the hospital because of wolf injuries people would ask questions. Those questions would sound like "Who are you?" and "How did you get those wolf injuries?" When she didn't answer those it would lead to other things. Those things could include being turned in. Being in hiding meant a strict no-hospital rule. 

Nora was unsure what it said about her that she was willing to tussle with a wolf as long as it meant no hospital. That was a question for later Nora. Right now Nora was shifting back into a human. Hair disappearing into her flesh, flesh shifting around bones, bones shortening and stacking. Then there was Nora. Just Nora. Standing naked in an open field, hands raised up staring down a wolf. "What giant teeth you have Grandma." Nora's voice was filled with a light chatter as the loss of fur reminded her just how cold it was. "How long have you been a werewolf?" Nora had no doubt this would work. It worked with the last wolf. When this werewolf saw another human standing in front of him he'd chill down and they'd become best friends. Maybe Nora could grab him and the other werewolf she met and start a pack. That was a thing, right? Bugbears were welcome in wolfpacks, right? Probably. Nora wasn't going to question it. 

Just as quickly as the bear appeared, it vanished. That was weird. A human woman stood in its place, exposed completely. She didn’t look bothered by that fact or the snarling teeth in her face — or by anything, really. It took him completely by surprise. The wolf backed away slightly, startled; its ears fell back, though it remained on the defensive. Was this a trick? An illusion? What was she playing at? Would the bear return? Where did it even go? The wolf’s attention darted to the surrounding area, then back to the girl, then to the area again. No, there was no sign of it and there certainly wasn’t a hole to fall into…

How could a bear turn into a person? They supposed it could be the same as for them. It certainly looked the same but there was no screaming, no painful cries that danced on the cusp of animal and human as the body twisted and changed. It looked easy for her. Envy sprouted quickly, but curiosity held the reins.

Her voice came in softly, questioning. It was a far cry from the usual responses to the wolf — sounds of terror rang loudly through their recalled scattered memories. How long have you been a werewolf? The question was something they were wholly familiar with — Chris? Not so much. The nasty father knew, the hunter who tormented them knew, but he, the one they were stuck with, tethered to forever more, did not and that frustrated the wolf to no end. How stupid! He refused and refused even with the blood in his mouth, he still refused! Even now, he would refuse if the wolf pushed him out.

That could be dangerous. But this meeting already felt different — she smelled different. There was no fear there. Nothing but her question and outstretched hands. They supposed they could always come back for protection if she did indeed turn violent…

No. No! NO! No no no no no no no! Soft words were lies, they had to be. This was a trick. It had to be. They would just be drawn in and trapped again, wouldn’t they? The animal smell could be a trick, too. They couldn’t do it again, couldn’t let it happen. They didn’t want to be in a cage!! The wolf started to back away more. Its mouth was part way open, teeth still exposed, though their snarls were softer and filled with confusion. It shook its head as it did so, curious and wanting, but still fearful of what might happen.

This wasn’t the same as the encounter in the crypt. As Nora shifted back into a human, the wolf didn’t calm down. A snarl kept his lips pulled tight, eyes fixed on her as if she was a threat. Well. Nora was a threat. Nora knew she was always a threat. The biggest monster in the room. Was her bear bigger than the wolf in front of her? Nora’s eyes swept over the wolf a few times as she tried to decide. Slowly, so the wolf could see her moving slowly, Nora raised her hands up, palms facing him. That was the universal sign of I’m not a threat right? “My bad for scaring you earlier.” Nora’s voice was its normal monotone. Despite staring down a giant wolf in front of her, there wasn’t an ounce of fear licking at her emotion. Self preservation who? Nora knew without a doubt that she would be fine. 

“I thought you were a human.” Nora explained, hands still in the air. “I just learned recently, I’m a bugbear.” This was a lot of words, but Nora was proud. Nora was proud to know what she was, and proud to be part of a community. She hoped that the wolf in front of her was also proud of that community. “I feed off of fear. That’s why I was fucking with you. I thought you were a human that I could scare.” Nora got tired of holding her hands up, she let them drop back to her side. “We’re chill right? Like I said, my b on scaring you. I just thought you’d be a tasty meal. Now that I know we’re basically pack mates it won’t happen again…” Nora let the statement trail off. “Maybe.” 

It was a big ask to have her promise not to scare someone. Nora had already promised not to scare one person, she didn’t want to see her pool of people she could scare dwindling. The thought was confining. 

Nora looked down at the discarded camera in front of the wolf, then back at the wolf’s big paws. “Careful where you step.” She said while pointing down. “What are you taking pictures of out here?” Nora turned her back to the wolf, looking around at the beautiful landscape. Picturesque. Probably the kind of thing you could put on a postcard. “Can I see your photos? Did you get any good ones of me?” 

She just kept talking.

It was unusual and confusing — they didn’t know what to do. She was completely nonplussed by the situation. This had never happened before, at least not with the wolf. Chris was better received whenever people came across him after shifting, but the wolf? They either tried to kill it or they ran away and got someone else to kill it. Both were terrible options, neither of which seemed to be present with this supposed ‘bugbear’. A what? What on earth was that? They knew what they were and that was it, nothing else. They didn’t know what this ‘bugbear’ was, but if it was that white bear they’d encountered moments ago, where does the ‘bug’ part come in? It looked like a normal bear to them, albeit a different color. Better for Chris to ask all of these questions.

I feed off fear… I just thought… a tasty meal… pack mates…

What did she think they were? ‘Werewolf’; that was it. They’ve heard that term thrown around and taped to their back, but Chris kept peeling it right off. He kept ignoring it, like it didn’t happen to him - like it wasn’t happening to him. She knew what they were just by looking at them. 

She’d turned her back to them, then, her words continuing to flow. Her injury was apparent; maybe she wasn’t in much of a fighting condition? Their safety potential went up, but they were still wary. It was now or never. The pain would be excruciating if the wolf came back so soon after shifting back - unfortunately, they were Chris’ only defensive. This potential ‘pack mate’ situation and answers was worth the gamble.

Transforming from wolf to man or vice versa left them uncomfortably vulnerable. They couldn’t defend themselves while their bones and muscles contorted and stretched. They couldn’t do anything but try to get through the entire process in one piece. It was quite the struggle, and the snapping of bones and blend of creature sounds was a stark contrast to the serene beauty of the nature around them. 

Did you get any good ones of me?

That was the last thing the wolf heard and that was the first thing to follow when Chris came to. His clothing lay in torn tatters around him; the cuffs from his flannel remained around his wrists. The first thing he noticed was the pounding in his head - and then the young woman, who looked like she was also nude. His cheeks flushed before he realized how sore his entire body felt. Chris pressed the butt of his palm to his forehead as he tried to sit up. His other hand fumbled with any piece of torn clothing large enough to cover his lap. He blinked at his company, vision still blurry and shivered.

“... Wh..What just happened..? Who are.. you?” Why did you do this to me?, he thought.

When Nora turned around again the wolf was gone, replaced by the mans he’d seen before. This time naked. Scars covered his rightside, coverging around his shoulder and neck. Nora was about to complement them, ask him how he got such sick scars when he spoke. The man’s voice sounded weak, pathetic even. It was a shaky mess with no confidence. Worst of all it appeared he had no memory of his transformation and decided to put all the blame on Nora. This was new behavior. Alan had known who he was after shifting. The two of them had had talks about their various shifting side. How did Nora deal with someone who appeared to not believe her?

“What did I do to you?” Nora gestured down at herself. Naked. Five foot one. An wound still healing on her right side that pained her when she did too much. A knife cut down her left arm also still healing. As a human she was a decoy. The picture of complete innocence. How could someone small and sweet looking be a terrible apex predator such as herself. That was the fun in the illusion. But today she wasn’t using this a trap. Just a tool to calm. Fear radiated off of him at extreme levels. She wasn’t even trying to scare him anymore. She wanted to be part of his pack. 

Then they could talk about more scaring.

“You don’t remember turning into a wolf?” Nora asked. Nora bent over picking up his camera. It took a moment to figure out how to work it, but she was a zoomer. Technology was in their blood. Nora pulled up the gallery, instantly finding a photo she was looking for. The polar bear in the field, looking into the lake. Nora handed it to the sad shaking little man. “That’s me. When I’m not human.” She told him. At no times she was human. That was still weird to come to terms with. At all times she was bugbear, but at no times was she human. Even though she looked like them, lived with them and was always among them.

“I scared you, remember?” Nora took a seat on the grass, easing into the position to keep her wound from screaming too much. “You turned into a wolf. I didn’t do that. You did.” Nora wished she’d taken a picture of the wolf. Maybe the guy would believe her. Why else would they both be sitting naked in the field if not for a sudden transformation? “Do you always forget when you transform?”

Chris knew very well that he couldn’t put any of the blame on her — not all of it, anyway. He’d been dealing with some version of this shit for years, whatever it was. Wolf. There it was again, that word. Was that what it was? Too many people found him associated with it, like an invisible target painted brightly on his back where he couldn’t see but he felt the thick, sticky paint dry into his skin. It became him. It was him. 

And she could see it plainly, like a neon sign flashing in her face. Chris didn’t know whether to feel relieved or even more worried. He settled on the usual blanket of confusion instead and its partner in crime, embarrassment, was not too far behind. Even if he wanted to believe her (the evidence was overwhelming, not to mention the eye witnesses), he didn’t know where to start (or even if he could). He took things one day at a time — sometimes to the hour, sometimes to the minute. He couldn’t think that far ahead.

Her questioning continued, which did help to keep his attention on her rather than his own discomfort. You don’t remember turning into a wolf? Chris shook his head automatically — he didn’t even know he could (could he?), in all honesty, not before Wicked’s Rest. It would make sense, if it were true. The missing nights, the irritability, the hunger. Chris felt his stomach somersault.

Despite the situation and ever swirling uncertainty, Chris turned his gaze to his camera’s viewfinder. A white bear. A white bear. Its large, pale silhouette stood stark against the green field. There was no mistaking it. And she said that was her? When she’s not human? What the fuck? Was he high? Was this some sort of chemical warfare? Did he eat something poisonous? Maybe he was dreaming — that had to be it, right?

Chris covered his face with one of his hands and squeezed the bridge of his nose. He shook his head in the hopes that this would go away like one would clear an Etch A Sketch, but there they sat, naked and in the grass, with talks of bears and wolves. 

“This isn’t happening…” He mumbled into his hand and shook his head again. “This is a dream or I’m.. I’m fucking hallucinating.. Am I on something??” The grass felt real. The air smelled real. She looked real. Chris wiped at his eyes and gave a cursory glance around him again — same field, same farm, same girl.

Do you always forget when you transform? Chris had to wonder if he was being Punk’d. “Wha-just.. What are you talking about?”

This was sad. Nora tilted her head to the side as she watched this strange adult man sit and wallow in his own confusion. The only words coming out of his mouth were ones of denial. Nora bit her lip, doing her best to remain civil. The feral beast inside her wanted to rear its head. It smelled the blood of the weak and it longed to bare its teeth and sink deep into the man's flesh, using words to hurt him. But she couldn't do that. There had been a time in her life where she was the reflection of this sad, confused man. A time where she had to work it out herself. Sure, she was born that way, but Alan had told her wolves weren't born. They were made. 

"When were you bit?" Nora asked. She tried to make her voice gentle and caring, instead it came out as a softer monotone. The trained bite of indifference lingering in the edge of her tone, a constant companion to her demeanor. "I was born like this." Nora tapped a hand to her chest. "I'm sure it's a shock. To be human and then not human. But who wants to be human?" Nora was trying her hardest to be kind and compassionate. This was not her natural state of being. "You're not hallucinating or dreaming. I'll prove it. Don't get scared." Don't get scared, as if it was easy as that. To Nora, who was never scared, it was. Which made it impossible to comprehend how to this man, it probably wasn't that easy.

Nora took a step back, ensuring there was enough space between them. "Don't get scared." Nora repeated. The transformation rippled over her body, ripping her skin, breaking her bones, twisting her muscles. As quickly as her body broke into pieces, it repaired itself. Flesh stretching across the bones as they elongated and grew. White fur around. Her nose elongating and turning into a muzzle with sharp teeth. Hands forming into paws ending in sharp claws. Nora let out a loud yodel of a roar at the end of the transformation. 

The polar bear turned around in a circle, being sure to take its time. Look at me, it seemed to say. Every now and then she would stop and strike a pose. She was putting on a whole performance. At the end of her prance around, Nora got closer, dropping down onto the ground next to the man. Her head lowered in passiveness. The polar bear was close enough to touch. And she would let him touch her cute bear ears, once. Any more would be too much. After all, all her power was stored in those cute little ears. This should be just enough to convince him this is all real. 

When were you bit? The question immediately brought forward a memory he wanted so desperately to forget. There had been a handful of animal attacks in Chris’ life. Most, if not all, of them, he managed to get out with a few scrapes and bruises. They were more scared of him, after all. But there was one, all those years before, that nearly took his life — and part of him wished that it had. Flashes of that day buried itself. Teeth, blood, fur, those eyes. He was bit then. He was bitten everywhere. He couldn’t recall the pain — it all happened too fast. The ripping of his skin was the main attraction and the scars along his right side were a constant reminder. But the pain eluded him.

Is that what she meant? Did he get bitten and effectively cursed like the fictitious wolfman? The wolf who had so graciously and permanently marred him all those years ago didn’t look questionable — at least, not in a fantasy type of way. It was big, scary, especially to a teenage boy, but he couldn’t remember much else. He didn’t want to. He didn’t believe in werewolves (or anything else that went bump in the night), but could there be something to it? His life had been abundantly shitty before that wolf attacked him thanks to dear old dad, but there was no recollection of sleepwalking or memory lapse or waking up covered in blood and scratches before the attack. He couldn’t recall the memories of body aches and dislocations — because there were none.

There were a few movies that played with the idea that being a werewolf was a curse, something generational. Magic, even. And there were others that suggested it was more like an infection or parasite. Now, Chris didn’t believe in magic or fairy tales, but an infection was much more plausible. It made sense for something body ravaging to be passed on through blood — or by saliva through a bite. Right? It was too much for him to think about right now, especially as she continued on, calm and easy as she could. He did appreciate that — the situation was an unusual one, but he was certain there would have been much more confusion and irritation if she would have been anyone else. He valued her for not making this worse.

“I don’t…? I am human…” came his next words, but they held a strong uncertainty that started to creep in the longer he sat out there with her. “I… How? I can’t be anything else…” If he was, then maybe his dad was right. Don’t get scared. Chris felt his heart start to thump harder. Prove it? “Wh…What are you going to do?” Prove that she really was a giant bear and that he really was some kind of wolf monster? Sure. His disbelief superseded any thought that may have favored the idea, thinking instead that she would only prove that they were indeed hallucinating (or maybe even dreaming!).

Don’t get scared, came her mantra again, but it did little to prepare him for what he would see. While coming face to face with an immense bear, a near perfect killing machine, would be enough to bridle him with absolute terror, seeing a human woman transform into one was a whole other story. Was it fear that he felt? Horror? Disgust? All of the above? Chris did his best to back away without actually getting up; he didn’t think he could. Her body breaking and shuffling into a new arrangement was like watching disaster unfold — he couldn’t look away despite the sheer fright that welled up within him.

Chris had lowered himself closer to the tall grass, as if that would help to hide him in case this went south. An instinct, one that stretched out and prohibited him from running. If the bear — if she — were aggressive, he didn’t stand a chance anyway. Freezing was probably the best thing he could do. He watched tensely as the immense creature turned about, as if she were showing off her new form. That funny little thought, paired with the gentle behavior, helped to ease some of his anxiety. He sat worried and unmoving as the bear lowered itself closer but that slight spike of fear waned when she didn’t do anything. Nothing but sit there and look expectant. It would have been comical if Chris wasn’t still confused — and scared shitless.

He did look around, one last time, hoping that this was somehow a prank. No hidden camera crew, no enthusiastic host, no one pointing and laughing at his misery — nothing. Chris’ throat was so dry. “What the fuck…” he whispered more to himself, though he was pretty sure the bear could hear it anyway. How was any of this real? Despite everything in him telling him that it would be a really bad idea — the Animal Planet had receipts, after all — he needed to know. He ignored everything else about their weird ass situation and hesitantly reached towards the bear’s head. Honestly, if this was some long con just to eat him, he could at least cross ‘pet a bear’ off of his bucket list. 

A single finger found its way to the soft fur along the top of one of her ears; he didn’t move anything but his breath and that finger. Chris drew back stiffly and whispered again, “what… how..?” This had to be a dream, right? It felt real. 

The man was a wealth of fear. It dripped off him with every moment. It was a cloud of emotion that wrapped tightly around him. How did it not consume him? Nora took a deep breath, allowing herself the joy of his offered feast. Humans were scared, Nora knew, but she’d thought werewolves would be braver. Except, this werewolf had no clue he was a werewolf. “Human?” Nora repeated the word, chewing on it as if it was a curiosity and not a norm. There was an unfamiliar feeling deep in the pit of Nora’s stomach. It twisted itself around. Was this, Nora bit her lip. Was it pity? No. Nora had pitied people before. People were not her; they were scared little creatures. This was kind of like pity, but it was sadder. It was more understanding. There was a word for it, and she hunted for it. Going through years of vocabulary worksheets that she knew she should remember. Compassion. Compassion?

A few moments of thought. Nora let herself mull over this sensation of compassion. Was it because there was a reality where this could have been Nora? Refusing to accept the bear inside her, never finding out she was a bugbear, always living in fear and confusion? Probably not as much fear. But she had feared herself that first day. How could she not. Her first transformation had been a shock. Nora studied the man a bit longer. Compassion. She could work with compassion. “You can be something else.” Nora answered. It wasn’t unkind, but her monotone never allowed for much emotion. He would have to interpret it the way he wanted to. “I’m something else.” Nora added that last bit as if it was an after-thought. It was never an after-thought. These past few months had made her difference clear. She had been forced to confront herself in ways she’d imagined before. Her tremulous identity was always at her forethoughts.

After the transformation, Nora was treated to a fresh wave of delicious new fear. She devoured it hungrily, as if she’d never eaten before. Because to Nora, all fear was a delicious treat that she relished. Even if it came from the sad man who Nora genuinely felt bad for. She could attempt to help him, while helping herself. Right? There was nothing against that in the rule book. If there was, well, no one had ever given her the rule book so they could fuck off with it anyway.

Nora let the man get adjusted to her new form. She let him fall back, panic, then eventually come over. She felt the soft brush of a finger against her ear. Honestly? That was a good choice. All bear ears held a magical appeal that Nora couldn’t deny. Nora was even kind enough to keep her mouth closed. Normally, she’d think it would be so funny to let out a startling yell. Bear yells sounded like yodels. And Nora could yodel so loud. But that would wreck an already broken man. Where was the fun in that? Nora maintained the bear for a bit. She wanted him to have enough time to come to terms with its realness. Then she shifted back into her human.

Her human was often mistaken as less scary than her bear. But Nora knew the truth. The human was a murderer, and the bear was just a bear. But she figured it would soothe the man into calming down again. Besides, bears were not good at talking to humans. “How.” Nora repeated the word so that he would remember he’d said that before answering. “I…” Nora bit her lip, working it in her teeth as she tried to come up with the answer. “I want to be a bear. Or. I just think about being the bear. It's just.” Nora shrugged. “It just happens. I’m a bugbear. I was born like this.” Nora was forthcoming with information, because she always wished that others had been forthcoming with information when it came to her. Nora wrapped an arm around herself as she kept trying to talk. It wasn’t the nudity of the situation that felt weird, despite the two of them standing naked as the day they were born. It was an open conversation about the bear. A conversation where she was trying to be helpful and open. It made her feel vulnerable in a way that was unfamiliar to her.

“I’ve never been anything else.” Nora added. “I don’t know if werewolves are born, all the werewolves I’ve met were made. It must be jarring. To be one thing, and then another.” Nora’s fingers tapped awkwardly against her arm. This was the place where she was supposed to say it gets better. And maybe try her hand at some comforting words. But Nora was barely proficient at conversation. Comforting words were hard to find. She didn’t know if it got better. The werewolves she had met had complicated relationships to their wolves. Nora had a complicated relationship with her bear, but her bear had never taken away her humanity. Her humanity just hadn’t existed.

“Isn’t it hard?” Nora asked, pausing for a second before continuing. “To pretend you’re someone you’re not? Human. I mean. I don’t know when you got bit. Maybe recently. But isn’t it hard to pretend you’re human? Lying to other people is one thing, you know. But lying to yourself?” Nora shrugged a shoulder, a habit she’d picked up recently. “That seems harder.” 

No!

No, this couldn’t be real. 

People couldn’t change into animals. They just — they couldn’t. If they could, then what did that mean? That there really was a bear just a breath away from his palm. That her words and observations were true. That he too could turn into something, into an animal, like her. A wolf, in generality. Werewolf, to be specific. A creature, a monster, forced to turn in the moonlight, bloodthirsty and hungry. It seemed like a horrible way to live. Chris couldn’t see himself in that way, living like that. He ran, sure, but that was for completely unrelated circumstances. He wasn’t a werewolf. He couldn’t be. He failed to see the hammer hit the nail on the head.

So this had to be a dream. If he wasn’t a werewolf and she wasn’t a bugbear and there were no cameras or crowds to be seen, then this wasn’t real. That was the only logical solution left, the only thing that saved him from having to face his life and the horrors he’d both endured and unleashed. His heart felt so heavy in his chest and the baby soft fur that lined the tippy tops of the bear’s ear felt so real — the brain was amazing, wasn’t it? One moment, he was surrounded by absolute fear from meeting a bear face to face and the next? He was having a conversation with a young woman, who just so happened to also be that same bear. Yep. This definitely had to be a dream. How did he not see it sooner?

Normally it was a nightmare that took hold. Chris lost count of how many times he’d woken in a cold sweat, debilitated by the terror that gripped him. While this had started sort of the same, very unassuming in nature, it turned into something different. It wanted to follow the same nightmare path that they all took, but then the woman appeared and everything changed. Her words, though to the point, were soothing. Knowing that he wouldn’t be harmed did help, whether by her admission or assuming that this was nothing but a figment of his sleep deprived imagination. That made it easier to at least answer her thought provoking questions and take in everything she gave him. It made it easier to sit still instead of wanting to run.

He wondered if her admission and willingness to answer came from himself, or maybe he just mentally reiterated some movie he watched a few nights back. The brain was a sponge after all. He had to wonder if he’d watched this scene play out before. “You…” Regardless of the dream, Chris’ throat still felt incredibly dry. The way his tongue stuck to the roof of his mouth as he opened felt palpable. This was only a dream. “So you’ve always been able to just… be a bear? Whenever you want?” She seemed like she liked it, like she was proud of what she was. He wished he could feel the same. Or maybe he did but he wasn’t aware. That’s what therapists were for, but the last one he had, well — he’d rather forget it.

It must be jarring. To be one thing, and then another. Chris instantly thought back to his childhood, having to be both child and a regret. It was exhausting. He felt a pang of familiarity in her words, and a pang of sadness. They hit him hard, truths too painful for him to even think about, let alone to utter out loud. He closed himself off more from her, both for modesty and protection. This was only a dream. Of course the target was hit; of course his brain knew him better than anyone else did, including himself. Lying to other people is one thing, you know. But lying to yourself? That seems harder. He felt that familiar heaviness that settled thickly in his chest and throat, threatening to choke him of his words and push forward tears. He forced them back, but knowing they were there, even in dream land, made it harder to respond.

“I don’t know what else to do….” Chris admitted, finally. “I don’t… I can’t face the truth.” He didn’t want to. It was too terrible, even for a metaphor. Even for a dream.

This man was delusional. Nora had been able to work that out pretty fast. Denial ran deeper than him then it did across Egypt. Still Nora found her heart bursting as she watched a parade of emotions dance over the man’s face as he struggled with whatever realizations Nora was forcing him to confront. Doubt began filling her. Maybe she should have let it be. As a bear, she should have walked away the moment he’d turn into a wolf. Or after when they were human again, she should have let it be. Who was she to force someone to confront their truth? Not the person who could help fix it. Not when she could only see a sad broken man shutting down in front of her, naked and afraid.

Nora let out a heavy breath, sprawling out on the grass and staring up at the sky above them. They both needed a moment. A moment to breathe and relax and embrace the moment. Nora didn’t know what this man was thinking, other than it was a lot. An all consuming a lot of thinking that appeared to be ravaging his internal monologue. Was it too late now to back down? Nora didn’t know the answer. What she knew is that she wished someone in her life had told her the truth sooner. That there had been someone in her life that knew and helped, instead of having to deal with the bugbear of it all by herself. Honesty was the only thing she could offer him, even if it hurt.

“I am a bear and a human.” Nora answered. The bright blue sky of day shone down at them, hurting her eyes. “I don’t think I understand werewolves.” Nora admitted. “I don’t know if it’s the same for you, but I was born like this. I can be human or I can be a bear but at all times I am both. And no matter which form I am in, it's still me.”Nora was slowly learning that it wasn’t the same for werewolves. That their wolves and their humans were separate entities. It must be confusing, two minds sharing one personage. They didn’t even share the same form. What could they have in common to hold them together?

A silence drifted between them again. Nora did her best to let him go through it by himself. To let him have the privacy to face the inner demons she's released upon him until he spoke again. A fresh wave of sadness rippled over Nora with the words. I can’t face the truth. “Okay.” Nora moved into a sitting position, looking carefully at the man in front of her, naked and exposed more than physically. She had inadvertently ripped open his biggest wound, it would appear, she wasn’t going to ask him to face it too. “I think that’s your choice.” Nora got to her feet, stretching out her limbs. “When you’re ready, feel free to find me. I’m on that website this town is obsessed with. Honeysmokedham.” Nora looked away, eyes surveying the empty field. “You’re not alone, and you never will be alone. Not if you don’t want to be. I don’t know much, but when you’re ready, find me. I’ll help you anyway I can.” Because really, that was the only thing she’d ever wished for. Someone who could help her understand. She could do this for him. She wanted to do this for him.

“I’ll see you around. When you’re ready.” Her body broke. It shattered. It folded. It grew. It reformed. The polar bear walked away from the delusional wolf, without glancing back. The polar bear wouldn’t go far, it would walk as far away as it could, before coming back as a human. The human would watch over the sad broken man and make sure he got home safe before going her own way. It just seemed easier this way. Better to help silently, then keeping herself in his line of sight, and shattering her world views repeatedly. Nora thought it was the least she could do. 

I can be human or I can be a bear but at all times I am both. And no matter which form I am in, it's still me.

He didn’t want this pep talk or inner therapy session or whatever it was — whatever his mind was trying to do, he didn’t want it. But maybe he needed it. No. No, there was no maybe. He knew he needed this and yet he continued to fight it, fight against it. And he knew why. He was scared. He was chicken shit, a worm too low in the dirt to see the light. He was safer in the dirt, so he thought, despite the plagues of nightmares and constant upheaval of life and home. Outside of the dirt, he was gross, weird and destructive. He was an animal, a disease and annoyance and a thorn in the side.

How much easier would it be if he just gave in to it? To absorb her words and to live by them? Would he learn to live with the monster inside, the one that was fabricated — his ‘werewolf’? He was too cowardly for that. All his years of running and lying was evidence of that. But he could change, couldn’t he? He could try. But trying got people hurt. Chris hugged his knees. What was he supposed to do?

“I don’t know, either..” he started, entirely uncertain if he even wanted to run down that hypothetical route. He thought maybe he’d been born like that — a monster. Metaphorically, it would make sense if he thought about his father’s words. But the scarring he touched absently in thought made him doubt. Werewolves. Were not. Real. Hypertrichosis, sure. Being raised by wolves, maybe. But a full blooded turn into a wolf-human hybrid by moonlight kind of werewolf? Chris didn’t think so. Because then it meant that is what attacked him all those years ago in the woods, what had almost killed him if it hadn’t been for his sister. It didn’t explain his father’s hatred for him, but it would explain everything else.

Was that the answer? Was that it, given so freely to him by a rather strange figment of his dream? Why a younger woman? And why did she look the way she did? Why a bear, and why a polar bear of all things? What was wrong with him? Maybe if he posted his dream online, someone might be able to decipher it — but he was also scared of what they might say. Photographs were so much easier to deal with, and people weren’t as scary through a lens.

I think that’s your choice. His choice to suffer, but she was right. He chose to remain in the dark rather than deal with this head on, like she so easily could do. But she was born with it, isn’t that what she said? She had always been a bear. Was that supposed to mean something? If she were a figment, then his inner self had always been what it was. And it was fine with that, happy even. They didn’t know anything else. And then there was Chris, or his dream version (he was still convinced he was dreaming) who still seemed to have trouble — the werewolf, unable to change when he wanted to, a slave to the moon, to his feelings…

Oh what the fuck?

Her words tore him from the spiral that threatened to pull him down, grounding him back to their bare picnic in the field. This was such a weird dream. Website? Honeysmoked.. Ham? His look of confusion didn’t last long, not when she kept going, offering her help further. Her kindness and hell, even her patience, was enough to sting his eyes with emotion. There had been a handful of people that had helped him throughout his years, only a few who had shown the kind of compassion this… hallucination showed him. Whether it was real or not, he was touched. The back of one of his hands went to press against his now running nose as he mumbled out a ‘thank you’; a genuine expression, one that was muddled with tears he urged to keep from falling.

And then she was off to leave him in the little divot in the field. Well, the bear did — the transformation was just as startling as it had been before, but at least he knew she wasn’t going to hurt him, as weird as a bugbear might be; or rather, as weird as his imagination might be. Regardless, he was left feeling loved in some strange and unusual way. With a sniffle, Chris sat there for a moment longer, and picked up the remnants of his clothes and his camera. He did what he could to be decent, in both action and his physical form, as he traversed the field to head back to the small, motel room. He didn’t see his dream angel, didn't see where she went off to or how she kept an eye on him, to make sure he was safe. But he felt hopeful, regardless.

[josouhenshin]

let's see if I can recount how we got here in an organized way, for posterity- there's a popular post that's circulated through these parts a few times which contains a twitter thread talking about a crossdressing themed dress-up-slash-dating game (?) called trans' ~boku to atashi no kyoukaisen, released by software developer catear in 2002. I didn't get the impression that the twitter poster played the game, but they did surmise from supplementary materials that it was generally good natured and well thought out. neat. they also mention of a sequel called trans'2, which is an inherently funny name for something to have. notably trans'1 sounds like came off as (maybe?) mostly clean and trans'2 is more straightforwardly an eroge.

friends of the blog nettle and fennel did some digging and found links to the official sites for both trans' games (trans', trans'2), which thankfully are still up and running. however, everyone's browser hated the trans' 1 site (I assume it's some kind of non-unicode character disagreement) so further fixation was mostly about the sequel.

well that clears it all up nicely!

anyway with some digging, I found a store listing for a hard copy of trans'2 that included a garter belt in one of 4 colors, joining the (dubiously factual, but) long tradition of anime adjacent promos that include underwear. as they say, it goes hard.

fennel also found a style guide quiz on their site that asks you some questions about clothing/romantic/lifestyle preferences and points you towards one of the 8 romanceable characters and gives examples of clothes they like. neat.

Q: you're really a guy, right? I'm a guy... there's no doubt that I'm a girl! it's a secret ☆

...this is where we hit a snag, though. my japanese is not all that good, so I can kind of understand the gist of things, some of the time, but I can't really offer especially reliable or complete translations of anything. sorry. I do intend to include links wherever possible so if you do have more knowledge of these things you can probably get more out of this by skipping my bit. hopefully I can avoid saying anything especially misleading.

anyway, while poking around on the site I got the impression that two of said characters are kindred spirits (the full spread seems to be two girlies, two guys, and four cis girls), which really piqued my interest. as one may have noticed, there's kind of a dearth of t4t romance out there, and more generally romance by and for the TSTV girls instead of like, featuring us as the object of someone else's fantasy. this group sounded like they ought to be generally poised to deliver something pretty incredible.

well, there's only one way to find out, right?

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