#but that will make an odd number and fuck up the formatting of this so

[tarttedup]

jamie and his little bags

bonus:

[shrekgogurt]

An ask game for writers to procrastinate working on you WIP(s)

Thanks for the tags @theearlgreymage and @wellbelesbian !!!!

🦈Tell us the name of your/ one of your WIP(s)

For the sake of this endeavor I’m gonna focus on I Knew A Boy, I Knew A Man which is also more affectionately referred to as IKABIKAM, eyecab eyecam, 👁️🚕👁️📸, etc.

🍄Describe your wip/one of your wips in the format of “___ + ___ =___”  

Natasha as like a vaguely Margaret Thatcher figure but she was in office in the late 90s not the 80s don’t think about it too hard okay the exact policy/praxis doesn’t matter so much as the ideology/vibes/dynamic + Davy (The Mage) as like a fucked up Welsh caricature (of his own design) because he’s overcompensating and has the media literacy of the worst film bro you’ve ever had the misfortune of talking to = their sons falling in love through football/soccer against all odds as juxtaposed between childhood and adulthood.

🌍What tags or warnings will your / one of your wip(s) need if you intend to share it?

Trauma

🧭An alternative title to your/ one of your WIP(s)?

Solsbury Hill for obvious reasons

⚠️Which wip you’re most likely to finish or update next?

This one :-)

💾What is your document of your wip/ a wip called? (not the stories actual title but what you’ve saved it as)

Okay, I’m usually absolute ass at naming files in any helpful fashion but this project is so organized on Google Docs. My notes app is a different story. Those don’t even have titles. I just launch into my whims as they come.

Most interesting answer I can give is that the folder containing all my fic documents is titled “kill the part that cringes.”

🖍Post Any sentence from your wip

Listen, I warned y’all.

To be in love with Simon Snow—a life sentence, an encyclopedia of grief.

♻️A scrapped idea for your current WIP

In the original musings of IKABIKAM—titled Scarborough Fair as the club was gonna be in Scarborough—Simon was Irish rather than Welsh and raised by Ruth. I know. Wild to think about now. But it’s true. And then I did some excavating on canon and the story we have today was born. Lost to time (the original idea of this fic which was actually two fics) is a whole very fun scene. I had planned that after the international break match against other, Simon convinced Baz to go out on the town with him. I wrote this snippet back then. It didn’t make the cut for obvious reasons and honestly I don’t know how much I stand by the characterization. Or the prose. Everything about IKABIKAM is better to me but this sexy little number deserves the people’s attention. I’m slightly concerned it’s offensive.

They’re playing INDUSTRY BABY in this club right now? I’m not dancing with Simon Snow to a Lil Nas X song. That music video…I’m only a man. I’m also not exactly sober. I will not risk a Snow relapse. Besides, Snow himself just downed the rest of his drink.

He leans toward me to say something. With the combination of his drunkenness and his accent I can barely make out his words, “eye gahta gohbakta da barrr.” (Translation: I’ve got to go back to the bar.) He really doesn’t.

I pluck the glass from his hand, “this last one is on me.”

He goofily smiles. His head is drooping to the side and his eyes are half-lidded. It would be adorable if I wasn’t worried about him falling over. I scan the room. One of the other Irish players is nearby. I hook Snow’s arm in mine (both my hands are full!) and drag him towards his teammate. He stumbles behind me looking completely blissed out.

I tap the other player on his shoulder. Clancy I think? The left winger. “Hey, I’m going to force Snow home so he can avoid a stomach pump. Could you make sure he doesn’t wander off while I close out my tab?”

He nods. I throw Snow at him and maneuver through the crowd up to the bar. It’s packed. I finish my own drink before I can push an opening to order. The bartender nods at me. She looks worn out from the night. I don’t blame her.

“Soda water with lime please.”

“Sure. What’s the name on the tab?”

“Grimm-Pitch. Could you close it?”

She nods and turns on her heel. A minute or so later she returns with the drink and my card. I take them.

“Is there any chance I could close out my mate’s tab too. He’s pissed.” I gesture back at the direction of Snow and Clancy. A circle of women have surrounded them. Honestly, fair.

The bartender gives me a wary eye. “What’s the name?”

“Snow.”

“Snow? Like the footballer Simon Snow over there?” She points at Simon.

I nod. The bartender scoffs, “Sure I’ll give Simon Snow’s card to some random Englishman.”

Random Englishman? Am I really going to have to do you know who I am this woman? I go for a subtle approach and just sort of lift an eyebrow and draw attention to the name on my own card: Tyrannus Basilton Grimm-Pitch. The realization hits her. I was afraid I would have to tie my hair up.

“Oh shit. Fuck you’re Baz Pitch.” She stares at me. I hold out my hand. “Right, the card!” She hands me Snow’s card.

I nod, “Alright. Thanks.”

She shakes her head at me, “No, sorry for the hassle. Have a good night English…defensive midfielder…Baz Pitch.” She says my name with a laugh like she’s awestruck I’m in this Dublin nightclub (fair), “and thanks for the win today!”

I’m beyond tired of hearing that line.

When I return Snow is having the time of his life: posted up surrounded by ladies singing along to Ayyy Ladies. They’re not being subtle in their flirting. (Again, fair. Good for them.) Snow is incredibly respectful despite being off his face. Good lad. He’s still far too drunk to consent to anything so I don’t feel terribly guilty for pulling him away from the grind fest.

When he sees me approach he lights up, “Baz!” His arms fly open. “Took you long enough.”

I hand him his drink. There is a blonde woman dancing on him. She throws her arms around his neck. He knocks back the drink and chugs it in one go. A little water dribbles down his chin and he wipes it away with his thumb. It catches on his bottom lip. He hasn’t looked away from me once. And this fucking song…

“When I hit it from the back, don't fuss, don't fight

When I put it in ya mouth, don't scratch, don't bite”

I need to get the fuck out of here.

He hands me back the glass, “That drink was awful. What was it?” His speech is a little less slurred than before.

“Water. I’m taking you home.”

He blushes, “What?”

“You’re plastered. So, you should get sick in your own loo rather than on this lovely woman,” I give the blonde a wink. She dances away.

I’m pretty sure tabs aren’t even really that much of a thing in Ireland. And like…I don’t think you can close them out for someone else. So like. I don’t know what the fuck I was on while writing that. Obviously not Google.com, or reality. But most of all I was absolutely jump-scared reading that back and discovering I was gonna make Baz a defensive midfielder? WTF!?

🤔What’s a story you’d love to write but haven’t even started yet?

A hockey one-shot. Whenever it happens the chirps are gonna be out of this world.

🤡How many Wips are you actively working on?

One in a way that’s meaningful. Maybe two. It’s a fresh thing.

🛠Is there a scene or anything in the WIP you are struggling with right now?

The chapter is really expositional in an isolated way and so I have to backtrack for context without being boring.

❤️Not a question, just a second kudos to send.

Blessed beyond belief.

Now tagging @artsyunderstudy @brilla-brilla-estrellita @cutestkilla @facewithoutheart @hushed-chorus @iamamythologicalcreature @ileadacharmedlife @j-nipper-95 @noblecorgi @prettygoododds @thewholelemon @valeffelees @roomwithanopenfire @youarenevertooold @you-remind-me-of-the-babe omg and @emeryhall tell me everything

[greetings-inferiors]

So I read a good hundred plus chapters of my hero academia (maybe 200? Can’t remember if it’s even got 200 lol) and I liked it but just stopped reading it. But it’s kind of like Pokémon where I didn’t care for the story but the world itself is FASCINATING I think quirks are such a cool idea, and it’s fun to come up with some yourself

Like one quirk idea I had was one day when she was like 7 she was being picked on in the playground when these swords just fell from the sky, almost hitting her bullies, and one fell right into her hand, and she discovered that she had a psychic (don’t know if this is the term) link to these swords, but she still exerts energy controlling them, it’s just as if it’s extra limbs, it feels easy to wave around your arm but if you do it over and over eventually you’ll get tired, same thing with the swords. She has an odd number of swords, so an even number on each side acting like “wings” and then a “strong hand” like sword she’s most dextrous with (the one that originally fell into her hand). The swords can hold her up and can let her fly, but it is the same as carrying her body weight (plus seven or nine METAL SWORDS) so it’s not something she can just DO willy nilly.

Anyway, her hero name is Valkyrie and she has slots in the back of her armour to hold the base of the swords (making them act like wings) and a sheath for either all of the swords or just the “strong” sword.

I know it isn’t a typical quirk which are more biological and… scientifically explained, but who cares it’s my character idea and I think it’s cool.

I think it’d be a cool dynamic because it’s actually dangerous. She can’t exactly spar or practice with others because THEY’RE FUCKING FLYING SWORDS, I guess the average durability is higher, but they’re still dangerous, and as a child before she got them fully under control they would’ve been a real hazard.

I think the swords would have some level of senses, obviously not sight or anything but I think they’d at least be able to tell when they’re not in the immediate proximity of anything (so they won’t knock into or accidentally slice anyone or anything) and would feel pain, just obviously with a lot higher pain tolerance as they are metal swords. In my mind they are literally limbs that just happen to be psychically controlled swords.

She’d be a very well trained sword fighter (obviously), and she’d be clever and studious and rule following and all that, but also with a layer of social detachment, as having 7-ish flailing death sticks following you and only just being under control (they’d definitely be uncontrollable with intense emotions/stress) isn’t the greatest way to make friends, and she’d be slightly socially awkward already (hence being picked on as a child. Obviously no one picks on her now, because of the swords, but she’s still outcast). This would lead to her being strong of character and high and mighty at times, but I think she’s VERY nerdy about swords, and is also interested in fencing and other blades. She’d be an absolute geek once she’s on the subject of something she’s interested in LOL

You may notice I’ve been referring to her with pronouns this whole time. That is because I am awful with names and do not have one for her. Suggestions are welcome.

Anyway yeah this is the closest format I have to oc dumps since I can’t draw lmao

Oh but yeah both the sword breaking and reforging would be incredibly painful, I cannot stress enough they are like limbs so it would be like a limb being broken or being grafted on to. Not fun.

[ghostly-piano]

Andrew Lloyd Weber Is the Greatest Musical Theater Overturist of All Time.

Okay, so, yeah.

Overtures. We all know them, we all acknowledge their existence (sometimes). And...that's about it. When it comes to Broadway musicals, the overture is becoming an outdated technique. There has been a rise in shows that instead of on an overture, just jump into the show's opening number, And for those shows that keep this format, how often is this overture added to the cast album? Yeah. Think about that.

When I say overture, what comes to mind? I'll tell you right now, actually. The Phantom of the Fucking Opera. I'll be the first to say that I believe Phantom in it's book and lyrics is weaker than most people believe it is, but there's something about that overture. The way it has cemented itself into musical theater history with the dark, electronic chords and harpsichord panic above is completely incredible and the in the case of almost any other composer, completely weird and forgettable.

I have to preface this by saying my appreciation for this overture was completely neutral until this past April. I was aware of its existence and that was about it. Then I watched it live. I had the incredible opportunity to see Phantom in Her Majesty's Theater in London mere weeks before it became His Majesty's Theater, which is completely off-topic but I'm proud of it. Before seeing the show, I had never listened to more than the titular song and like Music of the Night like once.

Guys. Present me cannot listen to the Phantom overture without getting full body chills. For those who have not seen the show, right as the show opens (pre-overture, which is an interesting choice), there is an auction being held for things from the old opera house. Everything is covered with tarps that read the names of each object. The largest, in the center, reads 'CHANDELIER'. After a short scene I'm not going to get into, the tarp is ripped from the chandelier, which begins to spark and flicker. Suddenly, the overture begins and the chandelier is thrust into the air, lighting to its full glory. Jesus Christ.

Chills chills chills chills forever and ever. Now, is the overture greater because of its staging? Oh, yes, 100%. And is it maybe the best overture ever? Yeah, maybe, but we must realize that there are other factors that make it feel this way- among these are its incredible staging as well as its icon status.

You know what overture doesn't have icon status that fully deserves it? Scroll up 2 paragraphs, right there at the end. Yeah. Jesus Christ Superstar.

I am in full belief that anyone who says they hate Jesus Christ Superstar is one of two people: A. The Person Who Has Never Listened To Jesus Christ Superstar, and B., Mean Girls Obsessionists (not to rag on Mean Girls like that, but hear me out for a moment). I am using Mean Girls as a blanket for contemporary musical theatre, with it's pop influences, clean, almost emotionless instrumentations, and sterilized pop belts. Especially that last bit.

I Hate Sterilized Musical Theater Belting.

Jesus Christ Superstar opens with a single distorted guitar riff. It's heavy, odd, and dark. Everything about this overture is rushed, imperfect, but so filled with emotion. You can feel the panic coming from the whole pit around the 1:30 mark, before it fizzles into the Heaven on Their Minds riff, which is just so fucking cool. I always encourage fans of 70s rock and roll to give the original concept album (The Only Real Jesus Christ Superstar Recording) a listen. I have also seen Superstar, though in just a small regional production (which was fantastic, stop immediately judging regional productions just because they're regional productions). It bursts into the motif of Superstar, the blazing gates of heaven melody that just completely blows you away upon first listen.

So here's your homework, if you made it to the end of this- Listen to Jesus Christ Superstar. Please.

That's all! Feel free to repost or comment or whatever and argue with me please!!!

TLDR: The best overtures of all time are from Phantom of the Opera and Jesus Christ Superstar and also you should love Jesus Christ Superstar as much as I do.

[in-your-reflection]

Meanwhile, at Spear Pillar...

From a rift, a young boy appears, cradling his godling partner in his four arms. Fourteen Plates orbit behind the white-clad boy's body, like a halo. A few drops of black drip from Lucifer's golden left eye.

"Ayin, you dumbass..."

Ayin's unconscious body is gently laid down on the stone, and with the beckoning of a finger...the plates obey Lucifer instead, moving to orbit behind him.

Almost immediately, he is brought to his knees. Two Legend Plates on their own would be overwhelming for someone without full and complete divinity, but coupled with the others...it's a wonder how Ayin managed for so long.

He grits his teeth.

"Fuck. No. I can do this. ...Shut up. SHUT UP!"

He shouts at the mocking voices echoing in his ears. Of the other divinities, shaming him for thinking he has the right to wield the power of a god.

Silence.

He staggers back to his feet, weakly walking up the steps until they end...and continuing onward.

Up, up, and up... Climbing barely-visible stairs that seem almost as if made of crystal. Until eventually he arrives at a nonexistent landing, suspended in the middle of the air.

Lucifer mutters under his breath, but not in words - he recites a function. A long string of terms, numbers, coordinates...and gradually each Plate takes its place, thirteen in a large circle around him, and one floating in the center.

His wings manifest, and with a flap, he rises above the arrangement of Plates, watching them slowly orbit in their neat circular formation.

A familiar sigil appears above him, glowing in gold. A cross, overlaid by a circle, surrounded in brackets. A few of them appear, large, imposing. Big enough to be seen even from the base of the mountain, even from towns over.

His hands raise to his sides as he hovers there, his position evoking the shape of a cross. He draws in a deep, slow breath...and mutters another command.

judgment();

The clouds part. Rays of purest light erupt from the sigils he has drawn upon the sky, zigzagging downward from the heavens. Each one targeting a Plate, piercing through the heart of each with a deafening crash. The rogue Plates shatter, impaled by the light...and yet, they continue to float there, in a vague mockery of their original form.

"...It's not enough. Dammit. Of course I wouldn't be as good at it..."

He slumps lower, already exhausted from the attempt.

"Fine. If your way doesn't work..."

The sigils of light disappear.

"...We do it my way."

The area seems as if covered by an odd miasma, as if Distortion itself is creeping into the space. Lucifer's position turns more dramatic, raising a single hand. Another command, this one different in tone. Less instructing the universe to do as it's told, and more forcing its hand.

requiem();

He snaps his fingers, and in that instant, space collapses. Even looking at Spear Pillar from a distance becomes difficult, as each individual atom making up the location is simultaneously compressed into a singular point. Somewhat akin to a localized black hole. There's nothing to see - because there quite literally is nothing to see. A distinct absence in reality, one that the brain tries to fill in with whatever might seem natural in its place due to the complete lack of ability to comprehend it. The surroundings are filled with silence - an oppressive silence, as if the world has been muted.

And, in an instant that lasts an eternity, an eternity that lasts an instant...Spear Pillar and the mountain as a whole return to existence. The Plates are no more, the only sign of them having ever existed being a strange X-shaped flare to the light when the area is looked upon in a certain way.

And, lying down on the cold stone of the ruins are two children; one in white, and one in black.

The crimson-eyed child's voice lets out a low chuckle, clearly weak.

"Think I got it. You wanted 'em destroyed...yeah, they're destroyed."

He shuts his eyes. Just for a moment. The both of them, while ultimately okay...they need some rest.

[smileposting]

trying to make sense of my 3-year-long special interest in smile for me: a retrospective.

Foreword

jeezus creezus, what a journey this has been! if you’ve been following this blog for the past couple of months, you’ll recall that this was originally supposed to be a video essay - unfortunately, once i hit the video editing stage, it quickly became apparent that this was not feasible with the setup that i currently have now and the timeframe that i was working with. still, i was determined to get this out on may 31st somehow. i originally planned to publish this on another blog and then reblog it here, but most of the hype i’ve generated for this retrospective was generated on this blog, so i figured i might as well cut out the middle man and maybe reupload this on a neocities page some time in the future.

first of all, a quick content warning: this retrospective contains discussions of mental health, suicide, implied homophobia, dental malpractice, and obviously, spoilers for smile for me and its epilogue. also casual profanity. i don’t think anyone who follows me really cares about that last one, though.

secondly, i believe some thanks are in order! thank you to my friends arthur, freddie, gaby, and bri, as well as my wonderful girlfriend clover, for proofreading this back when it was a script! thank you to @coelpts​ for agreeing to answer a couple questions that ended up having a huge role in influencing how a certain section of this essay played out. and lastly, i thank all of you for giving me the confidence to see this retrospective to the very end, even if it wasn’t in the original format i was aiming for. i may gripe and grumble a lot, but i really do think starting this sideblog was one of the better decisions i’ve made in my adult life. getting to share my thoughts with people has done wonders for my confidence and my willingness to connect with others, even if it’s about a video game.

so. happy third anniversary! some of the stuff i talk about in this retrospective is stuff i’ve mentioned in perhaps less detail on this blog, some of it i think might be new, but i hope you enjoy it regardless. (and i promise there’s proper capitalization under the cut.)

1. The Descent

For a number of reasons, I wasn’t a very happy or well-adjusted kid throughout middle and high school. That’s not to say all of it was miserable, just that between the increasing demands of academia and spending the rest of my time in a semi-dissociative haze only occasionally broken up by whatever comic I was into at any given moment, I didn’t have much time or desire to cultivate a sense of self. It was only when I graduated high school in 2019 that I really began to consider the idea of being a person, not only because I actually had time to do so, but because college kind of demanded that I do so. And it was during the emotionally tumultuous but also enlightening summer of 2019 that I first encountered Smile For Me, the point-and-click debut of independent game studio LimboLane Games, founded by Yugo Limbo and Day Lane.

Smile For Me was released on May 31st, 2019, and on the surface, is a fairly simple game where you play as a flower delivery person visiting a wellness retreat known as the Habitat in the distant year of 1994. You have no known age, gender, or any other defining characteristics, and can only communicate by nodding or shaking your head. As you carry out a series of odd requests from the Habitat’s various residents and employees (collectively known as Habiticians) you learn more about the Habitat’s even more eccentric owner, Dr. Boris Habit - namely, that he is fucking weird. “Makes daily PSAs using a puppet of himself instead of his actual face” weird. "Divulges intimate details of his childhood trauma within minutes of meeting a Habitician" weird. "Cleans rusty machinery with toothbrushes and then gets mad at his employees for not keeping their teeth clean" weird - you get the idea. Eventually, you piece together that Dr. Habit’s master plan lies in the mysterious Big Event, in which he plans to harvest every Habitician’s teeth so he can use them to cheer up the world (somehow) and thus cure himself of his aforementioned childhood trauma forever (somehow.) Of course, it doesn’t really pan out the way he wants it to. With the Habiticians already having been cheered up prior thanks to your interference, they have no reason to stick around, and thus have promptly skedaddled the night prior. You face off with Habit while trying not to succumb to the effects of the laughing gas in the air, he yanks out a few of your teeth while monologuing about how this is for the greater good, then leaves to supposedly find a piece of medical equipment that he needs to finish you off, leaving you to free yourself and finally smack some sense into him, either literally or metaphorically. Depending on what items you use on him (either a punching glove, a kiss, or a lily) you can get a few different endings, but all of them end with him realizing “Oh, shit, this was a really bad idea, actually. Maybe I was just being kind of insane. Sorry about that. You should leave.” You do, and the game ends.

If that ending seems almost absurdly anticlimactic, you wouldn’t be the first to think so, and you most likely won’t be the last, either. Whether this is enough to break the game entirely depends on the individual, but it is by far its most divisive aspect. However, I’m less interested in dissecting other people’s reactions to Smile For Me, and more interested in why I myself became so fixated on it, especially when I can’t shake the impression that I should’ve gotten bored of this game ages ago.

I have to emphasize here that by no means did I go into Smile For Me expecting it to have the ripple effect that it did on the next three years of my life - it wasn’t like I hated the game, but at first, I wasn’t exactly in love with it. There just didn't seem to be enough to fall in love with; I liked the characters, the puzzles, the themes, but I found the pacing to be all over the place, and while I found the story unsettling and sweet in equal measure, its world felt two sizes too small for it.

But then I blinked, and suddenly three years had passed, and in that time I had joined and left like five separate Discord servers for the game, and had written fanfic for it when I hadn’t finished a single piece of prose writing in years, and I had bitched about every fan interpretation under the sun, and I had an entirely new friend group and a girlfriend(?!?!?) that I met through said game before we eventually kinda branched off into doing our own thing. And then when I got burnt out on Smile For Me, it only lasted a couple months before I came crawling back to it on my hands and knees, because fandoms scare me and I needed one that was small enough that I could feasibly scoop up a few friends and shut the rest of it out for my own peace of mind. 

Shit, I probably said to myself at some point. This game has had an irreversible impact on my life, hasn’t it? Whether or not I realized the extent of it, I was forever changed by this game, or at least by my fixation on it. My views on relationships, on analysis, on indie media, on myself - before I knew it, all of them had either been shaped by this game or by friends and loved ones I had found through it.

So, why this game of all games? I’m legitimately asking - I’m just hoping that by writing all of this out, I’ll finally understand why, but I have to reiterate that it’s been three years, and I still have yet to come up with a single comprehensive answer that doesn’t make me feel like some kind of insecure womanchild who thinks everything she likes has to be Super Deep or else it’s cringe, so when she likes a goofy cartoon game she needs some way to make it sound like an underrated masterpiece so she can feel justified in continuing to like it. But I really do think this game has a lot of intrigue to it; something that could become really beautiful in future LimboLane works - is still beautiful in Smile For Me, and I’m tired of letting my own insecurities hold me back from explaining where that intrigue comes from. So without further ado, let’s dive in.

2. The Great Divide (Pt. 1) 

As basic as it sounds, I think the first thing about Smile For Me that got my attention and kept it there was not only thematic consistency, but the presentation of its themes. Indie games with quirky art styles that are about the importance of mental health and empathy and helping others are about a dime a dozen these days, as are adventure games where the main setting is called something like Happy Fun Time Fun Land but the plot is some shit straight out of Soylent Green meets Black Swan, but I have yet to encounter any other instances where those are the same game. And as it turns out, combining those two premises makes for a pretty effective comedy - one that isn’t afraid to poke fun at its cast of weirdos and their various neuroses, but never puts them down for having those neuroses, and isn’t afraid to be sincere when it counts, either. I won’t act like I don’t think it could have been done better, but I think that duality, if not at the core of Smile For Me’s appeal, is definitely very close to it.

I don’t really see this talked about even among people who are also inexplicably obsessed with Smile For Me, but Dr. Habit kinda sucks at being a villain. Not in the sense that he struggles with being antagonistic towards the player - he spends most of the game antagonizing you - but in the sense that he sucks at being the kind of villain he wants to be. He tries to project the image of this demented Willy Wonka-esque cult leader; unknowable, untouchable, invulnerable, but hardly anybody seems to be buying it, at least not in the sense of “demented = powerful”. Boris Habit as a person is an emotionally driven, insecure wreck, one who’s constantly getting sidelined by his own paranoia and projection onto others, and this divide is felt everywhere in how the Habitat is structured. Everything about the Habitat as an actual location feels like a subconscious cry for help, from the haphazard fever dream architecture full of machinery that looks like it’s going to fall apart if you look at it cross-eyed, to the eerie self-portraits and PSAs, to the crumpled-up diary pages, to the secret area displaying a wall-to-wall recreation of Habit’s own childhood abuse, to the fact that the plans for the Big Event itself has more holes than a fine swiss cheese and straight up can’t happen at all until you manually trigger it. There’s something cruelly ironic, almost comical, about the fact that Habit is willing to go to these lengths to signal that he’s unwell, but unlike the Habiticians, he isn’t willing to actually work with people to get better, at least not until the game’s conclusion.

Speaking of divides, there’s a line somewhere in the game where Dr. Habit tells the player that you remind him of his younger self, and he hates that about you. At first, I thought this was just window dressing that the devs tacked on at the last minute to make his character look deeper than it actually is, but upon rewatching, I realized that this perceived dichotomy between you as the player and him as the antagonist is actually kind of the crux of how the game’s story unfolds. Think of what little information you're given about yourself within the context of Smile For Me: you’re a florist, everybody either likes you from the get-go or warms up to you eventually, and most importantly, you know how to make people happy even when your environment not only doesn’t make it easy, but is actively working against you. You are everything Dr. Habit wanted to be when he was younger - everything he still wants to be, right down to the florist bit - but feels he can never become because as far as he’s concerned, it’s too late for him. You aren’t weighed down by the ghosts of an abusive past like he is; in fact, as far as he knows, you barely even have a past. Or any other defining characteristics for that matter - you can’t even talk. Your presence in the game is defined solely by the impact you have on other characters. You’re a nobody, and to Habit, that means that unlike him, you can be anybody. Is it any wonder that he feels so threatened by you? Is it any wonder that the Lily ending is about him realizing that he has options outside of being a Big Bad Evil Guy? That he’s not too broken to become a good person, however abrupt that realization may have been?

I don’t know if this is a popular interpretation of the game, but it doesn’t exactly feel like a hot take to suggest that Smile For Me isn’t meant to be read 100% literally, and is instead at its strongest when read as an exploration of the downward spiral following and/or leading up to a mental health crisis, and how one chooses to resolve it. So, if the Lily ending is meant to represent the gap between Habit and the player - the dysfunctional but undeniably real self and the wonderful but painfully intangible ideal self - finally beginning to close, what do the other endings represent?

I think the Kiss ending, especially since it’s outright acknowledged as an anticlimax and you are explicitly warned to leave before Habit changes his mind, is meant to reflect no ending at all. Sometimes, when you’re at a low point in your life and you’ve pushed away pretty much anyone who might be capable or at least interested in helping you, you don’t always stumble across a life-changing epiphany that makes you realize you’ve been doing everything wrong and from this moment onward you’ll try to become the person you’ve always wanted to be but gave up on for some reason. Sometimes you just think to yourself, “Wow. I’m kind of an asshole.” And then nothing else really happens, because you don’t know how to stop being an asshole and you were never given the tools to figure it out. This is more likely to happen several times over until you finally have enough experience to have that aforementioned epiphany and at least try to start getting your shit together.

As for the Punch ending, considering it’s the only ending in which you can actually kill Habit by punching him off a balcony, and he immediately accepts death the first time you punch him to the point of actually getting a little frustrated if you hesitate long enough - with this reading in mind, it’s difficult for me to not read this scene as at least a symbolic suicide, and even then, with very big air quotes around “symbolic.” I don’t really care to dwell on this for longer than I have to, lest I run the risk of overdramatizing what is otherwise a very quietly tragic moment in-game and trivializing some deeply painful subject matter in any context, so let’s move on. I’ve seen a few people say they prefer the Kiss ending because it feels more realistic, or more rarely, the Punch ending because why should we have to be nice to someone who pulled some of our teeth out for his stupid mad scientist scheme that he’s literally too mentally ill to carry out anyway. But now that I’m looking at all three endings laid out like this, I’m kind of shocked at how well they work in conjunction with each other - even moreso after finding out that some of it wasn’t even intentional. According to episode 91.2 of the indie(Radio); podcast by indie(Function);, the Kiss ending was a last minute addition compared to the other two endings, because playtesters apparently really wanted to know what would happen if you kissed Habit. Without that knowledge, though, I would’ve thought it was part of the plan from day one because it’s such a perfect midpoint between the Punch ending and the Lily ending. The only wrench in that reading is that I haven’t actually seen anyone play the game in anything resembling a Punch-Kiss-Lily order? Most playthroughs just go for a completionist run from the get-go and thus ending up getting the Lily ending on the first try. Speaking of lilies, though:

2.5. Are You Guys LGBT Or Something?

At the risk of coming across as redundant, Smile For Me has a lot of gay shit in it.

It’s never super overt in the base game - you can tell the devs were still trying to figure out just how much they could get away with - but it’s still just enough to be noteworthy. It’s also a lot more blatant in supplementary material like the Steam trading cards and the anniversary epilogue. By no means is this the result of creators wanting the praise that comes with daring to include queer characters without having to actually follow through on it, either. Both of LimboLane’s founders either have been openly LGBT+ before the game’s release or have since come out as such. As for how this relates to the cast of Smile For Me, and in particular, Dr. Habit - like many other aspects of his character, it’s complicated. There apparently was a Team Egg Troop stream in which they talked about being fans of the idea that Habit could be trans, but from what I hear it was in a very “you can interpret him or any other character however you want and there’s technically nothing in canon that can stop you, wink wink nudge nudge” way, and the stream itself has since been privated on YouTube so I can’t even go back to hear exactly what they said. It’s not a huge loss, but I knew if I didn’t mention it, it would bug the shit out of me forever, so there you go. Regardless of the stream’s legitimacy in canon, there is indeed an abundance of subtext pointing to the idea that This Dentist Is Not Cishet, to the point where people can and have made readings of Smile For Me as an inherently LGBT+ narrative. I’m not just bringing this up as a non-sequitur, either; I think it adds a lot to Habit’s characterization as someone struggling to accept the fact that as long as he exists as himself, the world that he’s trying to be a part of will always reject him, and also that by trying to conform to that world’s desires anyway, he has become a more miserable person.

Probably the most blatant evidence of this in the actual game itself is in that aforementioned recreation of Habit’s own childhood abuse (aptly called the Trauma Room), in particular a memory of Habit as a child being beaten for doting on his favorite flower, a lily. Said lily is always referred to with he/him pronouns in Habit's letters, and when I say that he was caught doting on it, I mean that he was kissing it. In his final conversation with the player, he talks about being pressured by his family to abandon his interest in flowers for a more profitable - and more importantly, socially acceptable - career in medicine. He specifically uses the phrasing "I thought I destroyed all those seeds. Squashed them flat and buried them deep, deep where they wouldn't resurface," which seems almost deliberately chosen to invoke the idea of some kind of forced repression. There's also whatever's going on with Martha; the one we know in-game is a piece of machinery built by Habit, but it was named after a high school classmate whom we know next to nothing about. But whenever Habit talks about Martha the machine, this mascot, this thing that he runs himself ragged trying to keep looking presentable, he refers to it the same way one would refer to a girlfriend or a wife, almost like he's trying to prove something. But unlike his other creations like the Carnival Attendants or the Cowboy Bed, there’s nothing to suggest that Martha the machine is even alive. In general, a lot of the grief Habit causes for both himself and others seems to come from his attempts at embodying his idea of what a Traditionally Successful Man looks like (or perhaps what other people have told him it looks like) and his ensuing frustration with the fact that for Whatever Reason, he never seems to be able to get it quite right, nor does he ever stop to think that maybe he can just chill out and not do that if it’s not giving him any personal fulfillment, at least not until the ending rolls around.

[Image ID: A tweet from @DrHabit that simply reads “Gay”. I still don’t know if this counts as confirmation.]

I think it’s important to note, though, that this is never used to make Habit look more “deviant” than he would have otherwise, nor is he the only LGBT+ character in the game (not to mention that nearly every other character who falls under that umbrella is a lot more explicit about it than him.) In fact, it’s easier to argue that this side of Habit is tied more closely to his yearning for a sense of belonging and normalcy. I don’t think it’s a coincidence that the only character besides A Literal Flower with whom Habit has any kind of romantic subtext, albeit mostly in supplementary material, is not only a man, but one who appears to be one of the most normal characters in the game. Kamal Bora doesn’t have a technicolor skin tone, or a name that sounds like you put two stereotypical rural American names in a blender, or a job that’s totally out of place for a supposedly professionally-run wellness retreat, and actually, why don’t we talk more about Kamal?

3. Kamal Gets His Own Section And I Refuse To Apologize For This

No, really, why don't we talk more about Kamal? He's decently popular among fans, and there's certainly much talk about his relationships with other characters, namely Dr. Habit, but until recently, it was hard to find nearly as much discussion about the man himself. "What else is there to say?" you might argue, to which I would reply that as a matter of fact, there's a lot to say, and also that you should go to hell. Because not only is there more to say about Kamal and his role in the thematic narrative that Smile For Me weaves, he is one of the most fascinating supporting characters in the game, period.

Kamal Bora is first introduced to us as Dr. Habit’s former assistant, having exiled himself to the terrace to get some time away from his ex-boss and/or stew in his own personal failings, and definitely not also because he’s afraid of stairwells. His anxious exterior belies a surprisingly snarky and observant personality, and thus establishes a core tenet of Kamal’s characterization in the game: that he is constantly at odds with himself. Kamal’s feelings are complicated and don’t always make sense, least of all to Kamal. Whenever he talks about other people - especially Dr. Habit - he tends to flip-flop between apprehension, exasperation, and begrudging but genuine concern, sometimes within the same sentence. You get the idea that this is someone who is intimately aware of how much of a fucking disaster Habit is as a person, but has long since reached his limit when it comes to trying to accommodate for him, and justifiably so. One of Habit’s many failings as the cartoon supervillain that he tries to be is that he is an absolute dogshit boss, with an extensive list of nonsensical demands for his employees but absolutely no interest in doing anything that would garner the respect necessary for them to carry those demands out, except for maybe providing them with a decent salary. No matter how concerned someone may be for their employer’s mental health, any reasonable person would eventually decide that enough is enough, and that’s before getting into the planned dental malpractice.

But, as mentioned earlier, this section is not about Habit’s side of the story. If Habit and the player are two sides of the same coin, in the sense that they are essentially the same person on two very different walks of life, then I think Kamal wound up being Habit’s inverse. What I mean by that is that in direct contrast to Habit, who seems to want to help other people but doesn’t want to put in the effort of understanding their specific needs, because that could mean getting vulnerable, and he can’t have that, Kamal seems to find most people to be a nuisance but still constantly goes out of his way to look out for them, albeit in odd or indirect ways. He reassures the player, if they tell him they’re nervous about facing off with Habit. He tells them to be gentle with the janitor Wallus, because they’re friends and he knows how sensitive he is. He’s the one who sets up the reunion in the epilogue (which we’ll talk about in more detail later) and is usually the one who prompts the more sentimental messages from the other characters. And even with his resentment towards his ex-boss, Kamal’s ultimate goal in the game is not to get revenge, but to get said ex-boss help before worse comes to worst, since he knows that he’s in no condition to provide it himself. Kamal gets people, more than he seems to realize - he thinks they’re strange, infuriating, and even scary, but none of those feelings stem from him being unwilling to understand them. It just so happens that as we see him in Smile For Me, he is very much out of his depth, and he knows it.

There’s something else about Kamal that I want to talk about, though. Something more… out of bounds, if you will.

You see, Kamal is one of the most adamant about stopping Dr. Habit before he gets either someone else or himself hurt, and is definitely wary of what he might be capable of, but he rarely seems to fear for his own safety, just that of the other Habiticians, as though somehow the possibility that he could get hurt rarely crosses his mind - and indeed, he can’t. He’s among the 11 Habiticians that are absolutely necessary to cheer up in order to progress the game. One of the only times he seems to even consider the idea of it is in the Punch ending, when Habit is already dead. And speaking of endings, he’s also weirdly casual about you killing Habit in the Punch ending - Habit, the guy that Kamal insisted we try to talk things out peacefully with, and he barely bats an eye at his death/implied suicide by cop. And in the Lily Ending, where we actually do (kind of) talk things out with Habit, Kamal is nowhere to be found. Why? Was it to emphasize the parallels between the player and Habit by making it so that they’re the only two characters left? Were the devs just that pressed for time or didn’t think it through all the way? And take a look at some of his dialogue - “Don’t breathe in too deeply tomorrow,” he says when we decide we’re ready to confront Habit, when no other character thus far has ever brought up the possibility of Habit involving laughing gas in his plans. “I think we were too late this time,” he bemoans when we tell him we don’t think things couldn’t have resolved any other way in the Punch ending. “Maybe next time’s the charm,” he sighs in the Kiss ending, and yeah, I’m dragging this out way longer than I need to - my point is that it is really, really tempting to think that Kamal is maybe about 60% aware that he’s an exposition NPC who’s there to encourage you to find other endings until you get to the Lily ending.

I say it’s tempting to think that and not that it’s what the game implies, because while I have seen people talk about these particular lines, I’ve never seen the fanbase come to a true conclusion on whether or not this was meant to be intentional or anything more than a throwaway gag. And even then, Kamal’s status as the only character to even lean on the fourth wall gets dropped in the epilogue, when everybody starts doing it. Still, it’s interesting - and if I’m being honest, pretty funny - how much of Kamal’s behavior is recontextualized through this reading. There’s something oddly endearing about a self-aware video game character who, instead of falling into existential depression or going murder crazy, just kinda shrugs their shoulders and says “Okay, so? Don’t you think I have enough to worry about already? I don’t have time to dwell in the existential dread of whether or not I’m real to God, because real or not, this shit still affects me.”

Even if none of this is really intentional and I’ve gone fully into Pepe Silvia territory, I still stand by the idea that Kamal is a way more compelling character than a lot of people give him credit for. Something about his general attitude of “Is this entire situation, objectively speaking, really dumb and undignified? Yes. Am I above that? Not even a little bit. Am I still wholeheartedly invested in making sure that everyone comes out of this bullshit relatively okay? Unfortunately, yes,” really resonates with me - it’s the anthem of every debilitatingly self-aware nerd who knows that they sound completely unhinged to anyone who isn’t in the know, but also knows that isn’t going to be enough to deter them, and it’s the position I found myself in with regards to this game by the time I had gotten to the terrace. Kamal’s apparent lack of proactivity in the base game feels less like a contractual obligation by way of being an NPC, and more like an implicit dilemma of how much self-awareness is too much self-awareness; at what point does someone become so aware of every minute possibility that it becomes more of a hindrance than a help and they just shut down, unable to really do anything until someone with a more linear point of view comes by to help them?

And like, look - I don’t fault people for getting invested in Kamal’s relationships with other characters, nor will I act like enjoying a ship and making genuinely insightful observations of the dynamic between two characters is mutually exclusive. When it comes to the Habitat’s staff in particular, there was clearly meant to be some intrigue there, a lot of which goes unanswered by both the game and the epilogue. Like, how close were Habit and Kamal before Habit’s condition began to deteriorate faster than Kamal could keep up with? How did whatever relationship they have begin to recover from that in time for the epilogue? Was Wallus quitting to go hide in the walls of the boiler room a deciding factor in Kamal quitting? Wallus did say they were planning to quit together, after all. And for that matter, how close were he and Wallus? How did the rest of the staff respond to these conflicts, if they knew about them at all? It’s legitimately very fascinating to think about! But I sometimes fear that approaching those questions purely from the angle of whatever is the most “shippable” runs the risk of doing a pretty huge disservice to the characters involved.

TL;DR: Kamal is a really good character. A great one, even. And to end this section on a high note, I’m going to share maybe one of my favorite facts about him, which is that not only is he not considered a Tumblr Sexyman despite his popularity, but in fact the Sexypedia Wiki has effectively banned him from ever being considered as such by placing him on their list of forbidden characters, an act that is either akin to defamation of character or being placed in witness protection, depending on how you look at things.

[Image ID: A photo of Kamal Bora, followed by his name and the title of the game he’s from. Kamal Bora is a South Asian man with wavy chin-length hair, a rectangular head, and a near-constant expression of vague discomfort. The reason given for his being on this list is as follows: “Because, let’s be real, some of these aren’t sexymen. They’re just your favorite characters you wanted to slap the label onto.”]

4. The Great Divide (Pt. 2)

Now, if you’ve gotten this far into the essay and you’re familiar with the game at all, you might have the question, “Hey, so, I played/watched the game, and I liked it, but what if I don’t really give a shit about any of this? What if my favorite character is the vampire dad, or the regular dad, or their respective bastard children, or that thing in the stairwell who really, really wants you to dump some pickle juice on him?” Which, in case I haven’t made it clear, is a totally valid reason to enjoy the game; there’s a reason that most players ended up doing a completionist run on their first try. The Habitat may be structured around Boris Habit’s psyche, but the game itself would be nothing without the Habiticians to breathe life into it. I’ve used the word “weird” to describe several things in this essay by now, but seriously - the Habiticians are just so weird, and I mean that in the most positive way imaginable. There’s something so effortless and more importantly, shameless about the way they’re written; more often than not, they’re simple folks with simple desires, but they believe in those desires with such conviction you can’t help but be convinced that there’s something deeper to it, and it makes you want to help fulfill them just so you can get one step closer to understanding whatever that something is. Long before I cared or even knew what Habit’s deal was, I was gushing over Nat admitting she still loved her dad and feeling oddly proud of Dallas’ character development over the course of the game and making note of each character’s relationships to each other in case they came into play somehow - which they do, in a sense.

Should you fail to cheer up a Habitician before triggering the climax of the game, they will appear during the Big Event - not as the characters we have come to know over the course of the game, but as eerie, collaged object head versions of themselves, delirious and only able to be considered ‘happy” by way of forgetting what they were initially upset about. It’s unclear if these collaged forms are real or only a gas-induced hallucination, nor is it clear what happens to them once the credits roll. Getting an 11/22 ending, in which you only help Habiticians that are absolutely necessary to progress the game without any regard for which ending you might get, involves splitting up several positive relationships that can develop or existed prior to the events of the game - both parent-child relationships, both potential romances, both past romances, and so on. This is another way the game tries to incentivize you to complete as many quest lines as you can, and in order to communicate how effective these methods are, and in turn how easy it was for people to fall in love with these characters, I’m going to share a piece of information that I learned just as I had begun writing this section of the retrospective:

You don’t need to do a completionist run - ever. It is possible to achieve the Lily ending with only 13 out of 22 Habiticians cheered up - only two off from a Punch ending.

I first stumbled across this thanks to a post by Tumblr user coelpts, who pointed out that there are exactly five Habiticians who don’t give you any reward for completing their quests (among other very concerning statistics) but didn’t seem to have posted any follow ups confirming whether or not this meant they were really optional. And when I saw it, I didn’t really know how to feel. It just felt like such a major oversight, especially for a game that I had previously praised for keeping its themes strong and consistent. In a game that’s about the importance of helping others, why wouldn’t you make it so that the best ending can only be unlocked by helping everyone? For a while, I wondered if I should even bother completing this retrospective at all. I already knew the game wasn’t perfect, but this was the only time in recent memory that I could remember being scared that this would ruin every point I was trying to make about it being good.

But then I messaged him, curious to see if he ever went through with trying to test this theory, and he said:

“I WANT to say that I did [...] but I just documented it in a Discord server that I did rather than a tumblr post. I DISTINCTLY remember watching the ending slideshow with a 13/22 Lily ending and remembering it being just Extremely Cursed because so many were missing but Habit wasn’t.”

It was the choice to use the word “cursed” that piqued my interest - and as he went into more detail during our (admittedly brief) conversation, even replaying the game just to confirm that it was possible, he kept saying similar things. That it was “eerie,” “utterly surreal” - that it just felt wrong. And I felt it, too. Before this conversation, I was even kind of hoping it wasn’t true, because even considering the possibility of it felt like a sin. It certainly hasn’t been acknowledged in any supplementary canon material. And the more I dwelled on this, the more I started to feel like there was something strangely fitting about it.

Before uncovering this information, my outlook on Smile For Me’s story looked something like this: Broadly speaking, there are two concrete sides that run parallel to each other. If Side A is a game about meeting a quirky ensemble cast of ragtag misfits with not particularly deep but certainly very memorable issues, then Side B is a game about learning all about one person’s psychological trauma, how everything in the setting was built to remind himself of it day after day after day, and what he chooses to do with it. And for a long time, my one greatest criticism of the game was that I wish there had been more to tie these two halves together, to bridge the gap between them, so that the final act of the game felt a little less abrupt and people would have more reason to care about whether or not everyone gets their shit together, Habit included. 

But what if this is the game’s way of uniting those two halves? Trying to fulfill one while neglecting the other results in an ending that feels hollow and disingenuous; of course it does. Focusing on Habit’s happiness exclusively and only cheering up as many people as you need to in order to ensure it feels just as wrong as cheering up all 22 Habiticians only to punch Habit off the balcony at the end, if not even moreso. It makes the relationship between Side A and Side B feel less like two storylines just existing in the same space and more like a symbiotic relationship, one that needs an equal amount of attention on both ends to feel complete. Even the Punch ending feels more likely to result from a player who just isn’t particularly invested in either side of the story. And again, there’s that idea of being presented with some kind of divide to mend. 

So, does that ever culminate in anything? Do we actually get to see what happens after we mend the divide - between the ideal and the real self, between what’s real to us and what’s real to others, between Side A and Side B? 

5. The Epilogue (Of the Game)

Smile For Today is a free browser-based interactive epilogue released on May 31st, 2020, a full year after the release of Smile For Me. It was created primarily to celebrate the game’s one-year anniversary and its overwhelmingly positive reception, being a showcase for fanart, fanzines, and let’s plays that boosted its popularity. I really like how they chose to canonize these, by the way; a zine is now a memoir, a let’s play is a dramatic retelling, fan-made characters are people that the player’s met since their time in the Habitat, Habit’s Twitter fans are - well, those are just Twitter fans. As far as I can tell, the continuity of the official Dr Habit Twitter is whatever Day Lane feels like it is that day. 

This isn’t to say there isn’t any closure for the characters themselves; the in-universe justification for the epilogue is that it’s a virtual reunion set up by Kamal exactly one year after the events of the game so that the Habiticians can catch up with one another. And they’re doing really well! Characters who were more closed off in-game are more than willing to interact with others here, relationships that were emotionally strained or just beginning in the base game have blossomed into something really beautiful here. That photographer who spent most of the game scheduling meetings with herself to avoid conversation? She talks to people now - willingly! Two other characters who were exes in the game are now going on tour together as friends. This macho sitcom dad encourages his son to be open about his emotions for once. Kamal readily takes charge of the situation, being the one who organized it in the first place, and his relationship with Habit seems a lot more equal and mutually supportive. Habit comes out of hiding to apologize, but doesn’t overstay his welcome, and he’s finally got a gig as a florist. Everyone’s doing really, really well - and they’d love to know how you’re doing, too.

Where Smile For Me was a story about providing some sort of support for a cast of odd but generally well-intentioned randos, Smile For Today is about those same randos paying that kindness back and being there for you. In return for giving them an outlet to voice their wants, their needs, their insecurities, they make sure that you know that your kindness, however small it was, was not in vain. You watch them thrive and congregate amongst themselves for most of the epilogue, no longer needing you to act as a proxy for them. They acknowledge the new experiences you’ve created since your time at the Habitat and the hand they might have had in them, but make it clear that it was always up to you. They play you a song, because words can’t do justice for how much you’ve helped them. The final message is left entirely up to you to write, because after spending so long as a silent, endlessly selfless benefactor, it’s only right that you get to express your desires for once. 

[Image ID: A message from Tiff Webber, which reads “We wrote you a song. Sure, that’s cheesy, but sometimes you need to be a little cheesy to be sincere, don’t you think? Give it a listen. Please?” followed by a link to the song itself.]

That line right there is the heart of Smile For Me as a whole, the linchpin of its appeal. It’s strange and goofy and at times, corny and cliche’d, but fuck, at least it’s honest about it. I’d much rather have this version of Smile For Me instead of a game that constantly apologizes for itself by winking and nodding at the player in a desperate attempt to convince you that it’s not like other quirky indie games about mental health - it’s self aware. Smile For Me knows what it is, and isn’t afraid to just exist as itself for anyone who might want or need it.

There’s no telling what will happen to you or the Habiticians when this reunion ends. They probably won’t resort to crackpot supervillainy, but nothing truly lasts forever. What happened in the Habitat probably wasn’t the first roadblock the majority of them have ever faced, nor will it be the last, and the same can be said for you. But with the right support systems, you can weather that storm, and moments like these are what make it worth weathering to begin with. Right now, in this moment, you’re okay. All of you are okay. Sometimes, that’s all you can really ask for.

6. Conclusion (The Actual Epilogue)

So, is Smile For Me a good game? …Eh.

Obviously, I don’t mean to say it was actually horrible all along - I just made a whole retrospective talking about why I like it. But even now, with the impact it’s had on me and so many others, I can admit that I still find some parts of it lacking; sometimes the original game doesn’t seem to know if it wants a blank slate protagonist or someone with a pre-existing role and relationships to the characters (though the epilogue makes it clear it’s at least intended to be the former) Habit's redemption happens way too suddenly to really feel rewarding if you're not actively hoping for it, and yeah, I think the Lily ending would have been stronger if you actually were required to help everyone in order to achieve it. It just feels like there should be more here.

But here's the thing: assessing Smile For Me based solely on the premise of "objectively good" or "objectively bad," in my opinion, would have made for an incredibly boring essay. I think it's far more eye-opening to look at Smile For Me as "ground zero" in the eventual larger body of LimboLane's work. It feels very much a test drive, one that heavily prioritizes thematic resonance over concrete, real-world logic; a way to see what they were capable of on a base level before honing their specific skills in future works. To crib another line from the epilogue:

“It's just a demo... but everything starts that way, doesn't it? Maybe someday it'll be a full fledged production, with a 10-part band and a trio of vocalists. A fancy illustration and a dozen remixes.”

And whenever a work that I like has that quality - that sense of urgency to say whatever it needs to say as loudly or as effectively as it can, coherency be damned, because its creators don't know when they'll have the chance do it again - I can’t help but be drawn to it even more, not only because I find it compelling, but also because I find it freeing. I’ve struggled with anxiety issues and perfectionism for almost as long as I can remember. I still struggle a lot with opening up about my hobbies and interests in real life, because the fear that I might be misunderstood usually speaks louder than my desire to find common ground with other people. But the idea that even if the reception is mixed, even if I end up holding back or saying too much, there will be someone out there with whom my work resonates and who will want to see more, is what keeps me going. And if I was able to convey even a fraction of how instrumental Smile For Me was in letting myself be comfortable with that realization, then I’m happy.

I’m really, really happy.

[cr0g-0]

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#5

For the grounded SBI au

SBI are a family that live in a normal house, Phil with 3 kids named Techno, Wilbur, and Tommy.

Wilbur likes to experiment with size and one days is able to make a prototype device that can shrink things

He takes it outside and is about to test it when Techno and Tommy come out for some reason idk

They get into a argument and next thing you know, they’re all shrink to the size of ants, and are stranded in their backyard with no way to grow back or call for help

Now they have to survive in their own backyard, agains bugs, spiders, and their giant dad who is worried sick when all 3 of his sons have gone missing.

I love this so I will elaborate-mostly because science class is boring rn djsbdh-

Wilbur loves science(unlike me lmao)

Wilbur likes to tinker with equations and really test the boundaries of reality. Whatever is considered impossible, Wilbur is trying to disprove and make possible. Any means necessary. He'll rearrange equations, change how they formatted, change the numbers-he trys to do everything possible to break it and change it to his liking.

Of course he was intrigued with the square cube law equation. It was honestly the most interesting because well-how could you possible break it? It's pretty much impossible to have minuscule or gigantic people right?

Well Wilbur was on the cusp of making it plausible....

To bad his brothers were being so damn loud-

Techno had been forced to play mario kart but Tommy was losing which lead to the two of them playfully arguing...

In Wilbur's room.

So Wilbur, extremely annoyed and tired, kicked them out and angrily finished making the equation, not realizing he had made it plausible if a little...well...iffy...

He worked for a long time that week, constructing blueprints and creating the machine, skipping family outings and other events much to the displeasure of Phil...

But not really Wilbur's brothers. They were fine with not talking to him. He had kicked them out of their room so he could finish his boring as equations.

Wilbur finishes it by the end of the month and he his elated, already setting it up outside to test it out.

And then Techno and Tommy come outside. They try and explain that Phil was forcing them to get Wilbur because he wanted to celebrate but Wilbur doesn't care-He thinks they're gonna fuck with his project and an argument escalates from that point until Tommy hits the machine and it starts whirring until a bright, purple colored flash hits all three of them and they pass out.

It isn't till they hear Phil's extremely loud, booming voice that they wake up to see to continue their argument...

At least until Techno points out that everything around them is huge and that's when the true gravity of the situation hits.

At first Wilbur is overjoyed. The device worked! He broke the square cube law! This could make him and his family rich!

And then they get chased by a spider and then Wilbur really sees the problem with what the machine did....

After they get chased though, they find and odd looking dome and head inside to see...tiny equipment and files?

Techno and Tommy inquire if this was Wilbur's stuff but...

It isn't.

46 notes - Posted February 11, 2022

#4

technovore crumbs? 🥺 any to spare? headcanons or stories?

Mmm I am unsure if this wants Techno nomfing or Techno being nomfed so I'll make headcannons for both-

Tiny-Techno does not like being nomfed...so he says but everyone can really tell he doesn't mind it and he outright asks to be nomfed by Phil.

Phil always asks him if he wants to be nommed and he goes very slow and is extremely gentle. He is the one who is aloud to nom Techno the most and Techno trusts him the most.

Wilbur usually just picks him up and plays around with him in his mouth before nomfing him-Wilbur often, sporadically noms people because its funny but he knows when to save nomfs for another time or when to be more comforting druing nomfs

Tommy doesn't usually nom Techno because he usually pretends to be staunchly against being nomfed by Tommy but Tommy is sometimes aloud to be nommed.

He will usually just kinda vibe and relax after being nomfed since he doesn't actually mind it and he usually finds it as a way to destress and bond with his family

Giant- Techno sometimes like's to be a little mischievous and just scoop his whole family up and spook them a little bit before nomming them. They all go along with it and know he's joking.

Sometimes they'll seek out Techno for noms because they need rest or just want to relax but when Techno see's anyone who looks upset, like if Tommy had a bad day or Wilbur was stressing over something Techno will just go and find then, regardless of where they are and pick them up before gently nomming them.

He likes to gently nibble and lick at his family before noms as a way to either be comforting or teasing. Techno also enjoys just finding anyone he's friends with and he just to licks them. He purrs quite often.

I hope you like these headcannons! Sorry they took so long to get out-

Asks take a long time to get out-

56 notes - Posted February 11, 2022

#3

A long awaited post from us since it’s been waaaaaaay to long since a post!! I do hope you enjoy part 1 of many

P.s-This fic will be uploaded part by part but as of now it’s being written all on the same doc so if the beginnings seem a bit abrupt that is why!

Tw-Accidental Dehumanization, Safe Noms, Talk of Death, Talks of Fatal noms(Doesn’t happen)

Total word count: 3021

———————————

A Great Divide Between You and Me (When did you become so cruel) [I]

———————————

Tommy was…well…apprehensive about this whole idea. Don’t get him wrong-he’d do it if Wilbur was a hundred percent sure but still…he wasn’t too sure about this whole…pretending to actually eat Wilbur.

“C’mon Tommy! You said you wanted to do a prank that would shock and scare the hell out of everyone and this couldn’t be a better prank!” The borrower exclaimed. Wilbur was excited by the prospect of scaring his friends on April fools. Every other year Tommy and he had either made them laugh till they couldn’t stand or they ticked them off a little. 

Wilbur wanted to see what scaring them would be like. Mix it up and such.

“I know I know…it’s just…you think they might take it the wrong way?” Wilbur shook his head. 

“Tommy-Toms-no one will think you legitimately decided to eat me.” 

“I mean-I guess if you're sure then…ok fine-I’ll do it. But you owe me a fuck ton of ice cream and shit. I’m doing this for you after all.” Tommy stubbornly crossed his arms, huffing. Wilbur just let out a bubbly laugh. 

“Alright alright fine I’ll buy you some ice cream tomorrow if you can effectively pull the wool over their eyes and convince them you did the deed successfully.”

Tommy let out what sounded like a whine and a groan, nodding slowly and dramatically as Tommy usually did. “If I fail can I still get a single tub of ice cream?”

The brunet hummed, closing his eyes and tapping his finger on his chin in thought. Tommy blinked at Wilbur with a deadpan look. “I swear to prime I will legitimately eat you regardless of this stupid prank if you don’t buy me ice cream-“

Wilbur paused and for a split second, Tommy swore he saw fear but if Wilbur had been afraid? Well, he wasn’t showing it anymore because the borrower was doubled over in a fit of laughs and Tommy felt his worry melt away. “Ok ok no need to threaten me child-I’ll buy you a single tub if you fail ok?”

Tommy grumbled, pretending to be pissed off about it but he was grinning wide. “Yeah, that's fair big man. Makes sense to me but make sure it’s mint chip or you're dead-“ He jokingly growled, poking the other gently. 

Wilbur stumbled back slightly and lightly swatted at Tommy’s finger. “Mhm-ok sure Toms. Like you would ever kill your favorite brother-”

“Nope Techno is actually my favorite brother-Sorry Wilby.” Tommy shrugged and Wilbur snorted, rolling his eyes disbelievingly.

“Oh please child-you gave me the nickname Wilby. Are you seriously gonna sit here and tell me, out of both me and Techno, he’s the favorite?” “Well-I-oh just shut up Wil-” The blond spluttered out, his face having turned a bright red in embarrassment. Curse Wilbur for always being right-

Getting back on track, Tommy scooped Wilbur up, holding him gently in cupped hands. Wilbur settled quickly, getting comfortable and preparing mentally. 

“Alright well let’s get this prank on the road hmm? I have some morons to scare!” The brunet laughed before nodding his head. 

“Let us get on with it. I have a nap I need to take-“ He joked as Tommy brought Wilbur closer to his face and more specifically, towards his mouth.

Wilbur tensed up just a little, part of his mind still screaming his life was in danger just like it had the first time he had been found…and by all accounts he had been in danger that first time but after all the bonding and movie nights they had really become a family for him…

But of course he was still somewhat frightened of the whole thing.

And he wouldn’t lie but some of the things his friends said to him made him…immensely uncomfortable…not that he’d say anything on the subject. He didn’t want them to think he couldn’t handle what was obviously a joke…

But hey-he wouldn’t be seeing any of them till dinner tonight. First up, Tommy would go and kind of discreetly hint before outright admitting that he had ‘eaten’ Wilbur to Phil, Techno. Then it was on to Tubbo and Ranboo if Tommy was able to get a hold of them. They were always busy trying to prank each other the day after so one of them was usually shopping for prank supplies  depending on the year. Then, if they couldn’t get a hold of either of them they went to meet up at Dream’s before going back home for dinner where Tommy would reveal that everything was fine.

Wilbur was particularly interested to hear what Skeppy thought of the whole thing considering he was also a borrower like him. 

Skeppy was one of, if not thee, best at deciphering he and Tommy’s pranks. One year, they had pretended not to know each other and most everyone was actually convinced Tommy and him had amnesia or something. The two always made sure the lead up to a prank was flawless so it actually felt and seemed real. The month before the amnesia prank they had both been ‘having issues remembering where things were’ and ‘remembering Wilbur was a borrower or that Tommy was human.’ 

See the full post

84 notes - Posted August 6, 2022

#2

Borrower world building au borrower world building-

I wrote all of this on discord with the input and ideas of @wendy130 and @bio-nerds-corner

They are pretty much the reason I got this out as fast as I did-

And the word count-holy hecking heck it got very big within the span of a few days(like-three-)

So yay- i hope you all enjoy! It’s one of my more lore things and any questions with lore you can just ask me-

I encourage questions-

I will brain rot about this for ages and ages

Truth falls out and boils up till it burns

Tw: Mentions of vore(none happen), dehumanization, disturbingly cruel ideas, fear, swearing

Word count: 3844(Largest one yet I believe)

Part one of Borrowing From The Internet au

-——————

It had been just another casual stream.

Nothing bad should have happened.

Naturally things went south the moment he went onto youtube, videos about borrowers showing up.

The videos themselves didn’t seem too bad but his recommendation was filled with the videos and that was what made him worried. He hoped nobody would make any comments on it…

A donation appeared on his screen, and he tensed, his tail already anxiously curling around his leg as he read the donation. "Hey what are your opinions on borrowers? Cause like-I think they make too big of a deal of things like the 'Massive Accident' at that one restaurant..." His voice trailed off and he grit his teeth, his anxious feeling vanishing as it was replaced by raw, annoyance and anger. He took a deep breath in. 'Don't let anyone see that this stupid dono phased you-chat'll know something is fucky otherwise.' "Yeah, massive accident my ass-it was more like a genocide of entire bloodlines, families and friends-I'd really appreciate if chat didn’t bring up borrowers." Wilbur huffed, making sure to privately message a mod to ban the words and sentence 'Massive Accident' as fast as possible.

He had tough skin. He could normally handle shit like this but this time it was really getting under his skin. It was one thing if someone said it to him while he was in person but when someone in chat actively made sure to mention borrowers in the one setting, he thought he was safe from the world's mistreatment and lies about borrowers.

Wilbur was shaken back to focus from a voice call from Phil and he tried to smooth out his frazzled tail, slowly uncurling it from his leg, being as discreet as plausible in order to avoid people possibly seeing the appendage.

He clicked the answer on the call and plastered a more neutral expression, forcing a small smile.

"Hey Phil!"

"Hey Wil! How's the late night streaming?"

See the full post

85 notes - Posted March 14, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

Hey guys this is kinda an important mcyt g/t post

This community on here is dying.

As many know, a lot of people are losing interest and getting other ones, all the more power to them!/gen

But the issue isnt creators.

Its consumers.

When you read something you like reblog. Don’t like it. Reblog it. Leave a nice comment in your reblog. Send asks to the creator be friendly share thoughts and ideas! We all implore you too majority of the time!

When you don’t though it really leaves people feeling unappreciated and more importantly-

Unmotivated.

So that means when you see a lack of any content for a very long time with no updates(For us at least as I can only speak to personal experience) that means that the person who made it may really need some positivity and some motivation! You can give them that with a simple comment and reblog.

I am begging you as a fellow consumer and a fellow creator of mcyt g/t content-

Start reblogging and commenting and sending asks and just interacting with us all.

My motivation in this community is still here. For how much longer is to remain unseen. I have so many projects I wanna do and many others as well but we cant do it without support!

So. Here are a few of my favorite blogs you can support.

@plant-gt-thought-box -Creates Fluff and has a wonderful superhero au fic on their ao3!

@wendy130 -Doesn’t post often but it is a joy looking at the posts they have!

@x-pair-o-dice-x -Has FANTASTIC art and writing! Check them out and interact!

@bittydragon -Posts some wonderful shit on tumblr and ao3 and was the whole reason I’m here making this tumblr post!

@aslitheryprinx -Delightful art and fics also on ao3 and tumblr!

@baka-monarch -Answers so many asks you’ll have a blast I promise!

@cyncerity -SPECTACULOR ART! Wonderful aus and so much content!

@apersonstories -WORKING ON SOME WONDERFUL ANGST and is a very friendly chill person!

@random-tinies -Has some of thee best hermit craft art and dsmp g/t art ever!

@a-smol-storm-gt-blog -Also really good hermit craft art and g/t!

I know I’m missing so many others but I am unable to recall them at this time to @ I do apologies.

Again, please reblog and please please comment. It helps so much.

Thank you. If you read this long I thank you. Thank you so very much.

118 notes - Posted September 21, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

[n7viper]

I posted 7,039 times in 2022

That's 7,039 more posts than 2021!

342 posts created (5%)

6,697 posts reblogged (95%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@hawkeshep

@moss-flesh

@commander-krios

@plisuu

@alongtidesoflight

I tagged 6,845 of my posts in 2022

Only 3% of my posts had no tags

#art - 2,806 posts

#dragon age - 2,385 posts

#other - 1,527 posts

#mass effect - 1,319 posts

#shepard - 745 posts

#lavellan - 443 posts

#cullen - 315 posts

#garrus - 307 posts

#solas - 293 posts

#hawke - 229 posts

Longest Tag: 134 characters

#for the piercings - i wish i had some artistic talent because i would die to see her with some extra piercings i can't see in the game

I sent 3 gifts in 2022

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

my friend just sent me this video and I just -

those are some pretty crazy rock formations

51 notes - Posted September 12, 2022

#4

Random OTP Asks

I scraped a random assortment of questions from this mega post so that I could answer them in a very self-indulgent way. I didn't originally number them, and it turns out I ended up with an odd number. Sorry to all Increments of Five enjoyers out there.

Who is always horny and will have sex, at any place and at any time?

Who slides their arm around the other’s waist?

Who tops and who bottoms?

Who acts tough but actually is really submissive?

Who is louder in bed?

Who does some crazy stunt to try and impress the other and who ends up driving them to the ER after it backfires?

Who likes to give the other hugs from behind followed by a kiss?

Who causes the tomfoolery and who has to try and stop the tomfoolery?

Who’s ready for marriage first?

Who wants kids first?

Who’s the first to break down because they’re going to be parents?

Which one has more insecurities? Over what?

Would they hate-fuck if they were mad at one another? If they had a falling out?

Which one stubbornly tries to pretend they aren’t sick?

Who initiates PDA the most in public?

Who is your OTP’s unofficial/official child?

Who pulls the other closer while sleeping?

Who likes to sit in the other’s lap?

Who still blushes when their partner compliments them?

Who asks the other’s father/father figure to marry their son/daughter?

Who sleeps on which side of the bed?

Who would be a lovey dovey drunk?

Who do they ask to be their bridesmaid(s)/best man/men?

Who distracts the driver by being a bit too provocative in the car?

Favorite canon moment of them?

Least favorite canon moment of them?

Which one fixes up the other one’s outfit in the morning (adjusting a tie, putting hair in the right spot, etc)?

What theme would their wedding be, if they were going to get married?

See the full post

76 notes - Posted September 16, 2022

#3

A few months ago, I was l lucky enough to receive the most amazing commission of my girl from the lovely @lilithkb (LilithKBArt on Twitter) 💖

I have been absolutely obsessed with this since I got it back. The amount of detail that Lilith put into this blows my mind. I love the tweaks that they made to the armour to make it more Mihri, the colours that we worked together on to make it more meaningful*.

I'm never good at words when it comes to these things because I feel like words can't really convey the love I have for this. If you're on Twitter, please go give them and their amazing art some love!

*green is Mihri's favourite color! However, I tend to associate her with turquoise for some reason. The armour colors are a lovely blend of both of us.

78 notes - Posted September 4, 2022

#2

I was lucky enough to snag a commission slot from the lovely @jentrevellan, so you know I had to get a bust of Mihri 💖 I can’t get over how she looks in her little dress, and the FLOWER CROWN! Thank you again, Jen! 💖💖

160 notes - Posted August 16, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

Cullen's pretty sure he's gonna go grey by 35

722 notes - Posted May 26, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

[hopeymchope]

Initial Persona 5 (Royal) Thoughts

I got Persona 5 Royal for Switch on launch day and started it immediately. 

NOW, five fucking years after its release, I finally have Persona 5 in a format where I can experience it. It’s taken long enough that even the updated release (Royal) is three years old! And given how long these games are, there’s a good chance I’ll be playing it ‘til Christmas or something.

Game Status: I just completed the second of the “Palaces” and am working towards identifying my next target, with my Phantom Thief team now numbering five.

Quick info on my Persona background: I’ve explained this before, but so far I’ve played P3P and P4G already as well as P4DAN and the “Arena” spinoffs. I tried to play P2 Innocent Sin, but I bounced off it pretty hard, so I didn’t get too far. That pretty much scared me away from trying the first game or Eternal Punishment; I guess I understand now why everyone (including Atlus) seems to treat the third game as though it’s where the series began. :P

Initial thoughts on P5R from a newcomer:

When I started out, I strongly suspected that this whole “in media res” opening and the interrogation framing story weren’t present in the original P5. After all, they’re spoiling a bunch of stuff that is otherwise only implied or not yet known at all - showing you the characters that’ll make up your team (implied by the box art but not confirmed), spoiling every single target you’re going after WEEKS before the characters in the game even meet that person, etc. I was surprised to learn that they’ve always been there! I really feel it’d be much better if I wasn’t constantly being spoiled on what my next target’s gonna be all about and sometimes even shown pictures of them. I’m also a simple person who likes seeing narratives gradually escalate in intensity, but now we start out doing a RL heist in the rafters and then we have to step back to invading “mind palaces” where we can expose our identities willy-nilly and it will have zero effect in reality. So I’m like “Wow, this feels REALLY unimportant compared compared to where I need to catch up to.”

“You’re not wrong, Sae. You’re just an asshole.”

Why must every one of these games include a Good Boy who most of the squad treats like utter shit for no fucking reason?! Out of 3, 4, and 5, the guy who came the closest to maybe, kinda-sorta deserving his treatment as “the bitch” of the group was Junpei. But you better back the fuck off Ryuji right now, squad.

Speaking of those two... I both appreciate and resent Morgana in equal measure. He doesn’t seem like a bad person (cat?), and he’s obviously very helpful. He’s even kind of fun/cute at times. He’s the main resource of information for everybody, all the time. He’s also bossy and controlling in a way that made sense for like, Mitsuru in P3, but like... why must we dance to his every whim constantly? Why must our every action feel like it’s dictated by him? I understand that the answer is most likely “because somebody has to be an exposition dump and provide tutorials,” but you could do the tutorials JUST via the pop-up windows. Morgana feels like the the puppet master and true leader of the group. Protag/Ren is a figurehead who is dancing to his tune. They should’ve done like P3 and just said “Protag/Ren is the field leader for combat and exploration, but MORGANA is the actual leader who makes decisions and oversees plans.” But no, they had to put it all on Ren despite any evidence for that at this point. Which is irksome to me. ................ But hey, at least Morgana isn’t a repeat of Teddy or something, which I admit was my initial fear when I saw the “odd-looking mascot character who we first encounter in the other world and is somehow warped by it.”

He means Morgana, right?

Ann just... doesn’t really stand out to me. I guess this series already has a habit of repeating character traits and personalities, and there’s only so many tropes you can smoosh together (plus there are undoubtedly characters that I never even met), but Ann still feels like she’s not much of a unique person yet. There are elements of Yukiko (P4) and Lisa (P2) and Rise (P4) in there, but I’m still not feeling like I know her as herself yet, if that makes sense? This is the kind of thing where the individual bonding levels will probably fill in the gaps. At least she’s likable enough for the person she is right now. And hey, I found her efforts to deceive/avoid Yusuke during the second arc to be legit hilarious.

Yusuke? Him, I like. He seems distinctive from any characters I’ve met before in this series. Of course, I might just be ignorant of someone similar from P2EP or P1, but my limited experience finds him to be unique and generally likable.

The fact that it took MONTHS for anyone to ask Ren why he has a criminal record and what his side of the story is feels pretty insensitive to him. But the way Sojiro never cares ONCE to hear what happened, just shits all over you constantly and treats you like a little piece of crap and distrusts you non-stop and only softens at all when you start working for him for free? Yeah, FUCK Sojiro. I said it.

[luna-lilium-nineteenth]

I believe in freedom and equality a lot.

But I’ve decided I’m going to take over the world just so I can implement a few dictations. I’ll gladly be a villain just to get these things…

A law that forces people to read numbers slowly. So when people leave you a voicemail you don’t have a dyslexic melt down because they repeat the number fast like their singing that line form Les Mis “24601” at x10 speed.

For all instructions to be given in at least two formats e.g. verbal + written.

For all written instructions to be in bullet points of flow diagrams

For all offices to have separate phone call rooms. Great for us shy people and also for that Karen in the corner who yells the fucking distance of the office to the client/customer at the other end of the country.

COMPLETE ban on buzzing artificial lights. Any remaining buzzing lights discovered in old buildings may be violently smashed by the public with no consequences.

4 day working week. Of course. Create shifts and such if you need your service to run everyday. But not individual should work more than 4 days in a row and must be allowed 3 day weekends. Flexibility can be made for those that want to space out their 3 days off. But must not exceed working 4 days in a row

Complete control of online advert topics. So if you want to ban all and any gambling or food or diet related ads, you simply adjust it in your device settings. And every time apps slip up and let one through you can report them and it charges that company £100 per fuck up. (I will destroy you YouTube if you give me one more pregnancy ad or one more triggering food ad)

Two free coffees/tea per day for all employees in any job.

Unlimited “I need to get away from the screen for two minutes” breaks so people don’t have to rest isn’t their inner rage demons when you get bored and can use “making another drink” as an excuse to get out your chair without your colleagues questioning your productivity and judging your capacity to do your job.

Mandatory training on “working with your neurodivergent colleagues” - mandatory for all but especially important for neurotypical people to attend. They singled us out as weirdos for years, it’s now our turn to make them stand out as the odd one out in training sessions.

All car headlights to be standardised especially the shitty LED ones that scatter rainbow refractions across my vision at night - seriously fuck off, your car is no longer road worthy and you’re blinding visually sensitive people so can be fined for having inroad worthy vehicles if you refuse to fix it or intentionally modify your car to have these shitty lights.

Car designers/engineers who decided tiny indicators or indicators that are tucking in the middle of the rear lights can either pay a massive fine, be sued, or fired out of a canon into the ocean with nothing but two air bands that have a slow puncture in them and a random oar to swim back to shore themselves without assistance (take the fine because the waters could also be intentional infected with electric eels as there’s no law again that now)

All employees to give people one mental health and one menstrual health day off each month with no consequences. Adjustments and special measures can be implement to adapt to those that need more than one day a month without judgement or discrimination against them.

Offices can be laid out with different sensory profiles in mind like how trains and library have quiet zones and group chat zones. If this doesn’t work with the job type of an organisation then a sensory break room use the available and ANYONE can use it to reset themselves. No “you must prove your ND to access this service” bullshit. Bookable systems must be implemented if demand is high to use these spaces and additional spaces must be made to fit demand. You can NEVER deny someone access to the sensory room when they need it (or you’ll be sued/fined/shot out of a canon)

Memes can be an acceptable form of replying to an email when superiors ask for your opinion on topics

Noise defenders on loan by supermarkets, just as trolleys are on loan. Hell, attach them to the trolley if you must. But don’t make the attachments annoying and permanent cause then that’ll be classed as a violation under the new sensory profile discrimination act. I’m gonna make that a thing too. Team up with me to write it.

If someone criticises you for your spelling or any other trait that is directly linked to being a symptom of your neurodivergence (this included mental health conditions not just ASD spectrum etc) you can legally scream “ahhh” at them turn on your heel and walk away, or if that’s sensory overwhelm for yourself you may communicate this same response in an appropriate manner that suits you, e.g. a government supplied flag that says “fuck off” on it - all with no consequences and if the original offender reacts back. Instant arrest and an overnight stay in prison in a cell that’s cold and hard and is playing the most annoying song on repeat all night or just annoying disjointed sounds.

[hintsofhoney]

alright, *cracks fingers*. so. I’ve written up a transcript just to lay it all out for myself and get the most important parts. listen, everyone. for all intents and purposes and legal reasons, THIS WAS A DREAM. alright? I dreamt this. and he is literally the nicest human being ever so I don’t want to just like... put our whole convo out there like that, but I think he said some stuff that was important for people to hear so... here we go

my *dreamt* zoom call with thee crowley below the cut

The first five minutes (of my dream) was just a bunch of introduction stuff and talking about my favorite Supernatural seasons which eventually led to him telling me how they filmed the Season 8 finale (which they did over the span of three days, and in between takes the crew members were like dead silent, as to keep the moment going, which Mark thought was really cool. Said it was one of his favorite things they did on Supernatural.) Anyways, he eventually asked me if I had any questions, so, I’ll start there.

MARK: So, do you have any questions you want to ask me about aaaaaannyyyythingggg? 

ME: Um, I guess the number one thing I wanna know… um, so, I know you can’t speak for Dean and I don’t want to talk about Dean because you’re not Jensen, but, there’s like a lot of questions I guess or subtext or whatever concerning Dean’s sexuality and what not, but I want to know about demon Dean and Crowley’s relationship and if there was, I don’t know, anything like, any implied –

MARK: Well I think – I think you’re talking about… there’s a massive difference between sex and love. There’s a massive difference between, um, well, they can intertwine perfectly, that’s not the issue, but I mean you would believe with all the things that Crowley did for the Winchesters, that he was – that he very much loved Sam and Dean or loved who they are or what they are. To reduce it to, you know, a crush, or to something that – I mean, I don’t know, I think Crowley is very probably pansexual more than anything else; I don’t think anything phased him. I think, that’s why the whole stuff with Lucifer and licking the floor was kind of really stupidly boring for me because Crowley did weirder and crazier things on his own. I mean, it became this joke of trying to humiliate somebody who can’t be humiliated. There’s nothing you can humiliate Crowley with. So, that never sort of made sense, that was just a sort of writer’s glitch of thinking, “oooh, this would be funny to knock him down into subservience” and that’s what he does on a Wednesday, I mean it’s like the most un-inspiring thing. I think so much is projected onto the relationship between, certainly the four main characters, um, and, you know, look, getting comfortable with one’s sexuality and one’s identity is a massively complicated things, and if you want to live vicariously through what you believe people’s identity is and you can relate to that, great!  Who cares? I mean, can I be absolutely honest? Apart from – what I do care about, you know, don’t ever take this and piece me or misquote it, because it’s very, very specific – um, somebody stopping somebody being able to express their own identity or whatever is an issue for me. That will always be an issue for me. Um, we should all be treated equally, and we all have the rights to believe and follow those things that we wish to follow, but to project relationships onto characters is an odd thing to do. I mean, it’s wishful thinking in a lot of ways, I mean, actually it’s quite… it’s quite reasonable because in the past if you think about it, if you ask your parents or anyone else, the only way sexuality was used was to, uh, literally demonize somebody. It was only ever used to say somebody was bad because this who they’re in love with. You know, that’s, that’s the thing. And it’s a massive change in the world that we’re moving towards, I should say, uh – a lack of consequence for who one loves, apart from the obvious consequences of human nature. You know, political consequences for who one loves – I’ve just watched Pete Butteigieg being, you know, sitting in congress with his husband there with him; that’s the first time that’s ever happened in United States congress and I’m so proud of that. Not just because the man is gay and happily married – that’s not even the issue for me, it’s because he’s the best man for the job and one of the smartest people on the planet. You know, it’s like using sexual templates, as they were, or gender templates as they are, or orientation templates as they are, we always use to disclude people from things. They were always used to discriminate. You know, labeling somebody was a way of discrimination. And where as labels are very important, to ones self, and they’re very important politically and they’re very important socio-economically and they’re very important in all those aspects, I yearn for a time when nobody gives a damn. I really do. But I mean, we have to go through so much to get there. I mean, let’s be honest, you can’t, you know, right the wrongs of hundreds of years of oppression in 20 minutes by saying, “let’s all move forward”. It just doesn’t work that way, it never has. But there’s a responsibility there, that if you’re going to represent, that you represent all. That you don’t just represent you. So, one has to be careful with a television program or, or, you know, Misha or myself, or, not speaking for the boys, but just generally, um, you have to be careful that what you advocate is inclusive, not disinclusive. Not excluding people... and it’s so hard to frame these conversations, that they’re equitable, it’s so hard to do that. And so, you know, we spend years pointing out the inequity and the injustice and the unfairness of the whole situation, and… I don’t know if the trick is to rise above, or, uh, maybe it’s as simple as love and coming together as a human race and make it very difficult for people to discriminate and exclude based on gender, race, color, religion, any of the subsets of humanity that we’ve decided we have. So, I think personal responsibility is the most important thing, but if one is in a position of power on a TV show, you got to remember what you’re representing, that you have a, you know, you have to cover all or cover none. So, you know, but if you stick to a story and you have a story about a person or two people and their journey, that’s shining light on things. If you try to advocate for all, I think it becomes a little more complicated. Does that make sense?

so, i just feel like he said some important things there, but like I also don’t really understand what he’s getting at really, y’know? oh! also, he didn’t watch the finale lmao 

also! there’s this:

MARK: Because if you come down on one side or another, you’re admitting the sides, and that has its own political ramifications. If you push the ball up in the air and say, “you decide”, I don’t think that’s copping out. I think that’s, maybe not fulfilling everybody’s expectations, or not fulfilling everybody’s hopes, but at least you’re getting the question asked. You know, at least you’re getting the question asked. At least people are relating to it and going, “well, what if?”. Because it’s all “what if”, I mean, it’s a TV show, so it’s “what if”, you know? It’s not Misha being in love with Jensen, I mean as much as he loves Jensen, I don’t think that’s his thing – I mean you never know – but I’m saying yet again, I don’t exclude anything from anybody (I LITERALLY CAN’T BELIEVE HE SAID THIS LMAO). But to force my opinion or my identity belief upon a situation has a cost. It may be right, it may be absolutely right, and it may be necessary in many, many cases. But, in that circumstance, I think… there are a lot of people in the world that say that Jesus, for example, was anti-homosexual and that he was – and none of that is true, and none of that is provable in the New Testament, and I’m not talking about Leviticus and I’m not talking about early Bible and I’m not talking about the fact that more than 25,000 words have been changed in the King James edition and all of this stuff, but these things that people hold so sacred, the confusion that arises from that is being told that a man loving a man or a woman loving a woman or a man loving a man and a woman or whatever combination being there is either right or wrong because you’re being told by a pastor or the leaders of your church, is a very difficult thing to break down. I think what you have to do is at least put it out there so it’s visible, and so it becomes less and less deniable. And you know, people change over years, that’s the trouble with youth, is shit doesn’t move fast enough. “I need a decision now!”, and unfortunately, when you’re dealing with centuries of prejudice and centuries of un-enlightenment, I think that sometimes the best thing to do is reach as many people as possible and pose the question. And sometimes it’s essential to make a statement, absolutely, no question. It is essential to make a stand, in some circumstances. But to polarize a TV show, can be very disingenuous to those who need to go ask their own questions, who need to go say, “well, where does Jesus say this is wrong?” you know, if that’s your beliefs.

he also said, when we went off on a tangent about doom patrol:

MARK: There are issues that are being addressed here [on Doom Patrol] that are not being addressed on other shows, and yet again, we have the format, and I don’t know that Supernatural ever had the format because it was on the CW.

anywho, in conclusion, fuck the cw.

also, again, for all intents and purposes this was a dream I had :)))))))

[leviiattacks]

Head canons for mafia boss levi being interested in Starbucks barista reader please

note :: this idea is so cute i wrote a scenario i hope you don’t mind. i can still post some headcanons for it too if you really want me to! i’m sorry if it’s not what you wanted me to write anon :-( ALSO this is super casual writing it’s not like the way i usually write it’s just bullet points i mean idk i wanted to try something different and more relaxed lmk if this style is okay for some requests :D

if anyone would like any more requests with this levi please lmk!! i could go in more detail tbh maybe the pacing of this isn’t too good bc it is a short request but yeahhh

+ idk why the formatting looks so odd i tried my best to fix it myself ?!.!/!:£:& but yeah sorry again!!

levi has always been one to keep his business meetings lowkey

i mean, realistically who is going to suspect mafia boss levi is lingering in a starbucks???

the place is well-suited for his hushed meetings, he finds it to be quiet enough and clean enough

but then one winter everything changes

you start working there

he’s waiting in the queue texting erwin asking when he’ll be able to get there

it’s been a RUSH and the traffic is crazy as expected from the bustling city so he doesn’t expect to see erwin for a while

that’s when he hears you for the first time

“HEY!! Mister in the fancy suit it’s your turn to order”

your hands are placed on the counter and you lean forward eagerly waiting for what he has to say

levi rolls his eyes because he thinks you have to be ogling his designer watch and shoes (you really aren’t)

“black tea, no sugar and... a cinnamon swirl” he’ll order for erwin later. “i’ll be eating in.”

“ooohhh you’re a tea guy? name?” you’re smiling at him radiantly and it irks him because you have nothing to be smiling about really

eyes narrowing he responds “no shit, i just ordered tea.”

“and why the hell do you want my name?” he snaps on reflex

he then remembers he’s at a starbucks and you are not interrogating him, you’re doing your job

“sir... this is starbucks?? is this your first time here?”

you blink in confusion but then your face lights up “oh my, would you like to sign up for a starbucks card?? you can collect stars and get rewards and it’s so muc–“

“do i look like i need a starbucks card?”

“everyone looks like they need a starbucks card”

he doesn’t carry on that part of your conversation instead he looks you dead in the eyes “levi, is my name.”

his glare intimidates you and you awkwardly laugh

you think he’s probably having a super bad day and choose to not bother him that much

as he’s waiting he sees the way you clumsily navigate behind the counter, you’re juggling a number of things in your arms

automatically his face sours

he’s not expecting the tea you produce to be any good

he doesn’t care how nice you are if you can’t do what he wants he won’t be leaving a tip

he’s stingy like that

a clatter is heard and all the noise you’re making just makes you all the more aggravating

he’s been coming here for years and never has encountered a barista as bothersome as yourself

at some point you call out the name “SCROOGE!” from behind the counter, levi finds it embarrassing that anyone would ever call their child that

like... out of all the names this is what they choose??

damn they have to hate parenthood

“scrooge i’m begging you collect your drink.”

he looks up pissed that whoever this scrooge is has the audacity to hold you up because that by default means they are holding him up

then he sees you staring directly at him with that warm smile again

yeah, that smile, it could thaw ice

then it settles.

he’s scrooge?

turning around he notices no one is behind him then he sees that no one else is waiting apart from him

jaw clenching he heads towards you and makes it a point to “tsk” in frustration

he takes his cup and his cinnamon roll and you wave him goodbye

usually levi prefers to silently sit in the booth furthest from the action, he wants no attention drawn to him at all

but that day he finds himself sitting closer to the counter

he’s kind of stunned when he does that because he’s just sat there thinking why the hell did i just do that?? why did i sit here??

but he convinces himself it’s because he wants to see erwin when he’s about to walk in so he can prepare to scold him for not arriving on time

he takes a sip of his beverage expecting nothing above mediocirty but weirdly, your brew, it tastes perfect

levi’s eyes linger on you and he notices the way your behaviour is consistent

you’re helping an old woman pick what she’d like from the menu

you compliment her jumper, says it really makes her blue eyes stand out

you don’t have to be as nice as you are and it’s ticking him off

it ticks him off seeing someone so pure and sweet for no reason

when did people decide to not have ulterior motives anymore? did you decide those were too old school for you?

tongue poking at the inside of his cheek he activates his poker face and looks away

you, are a random person. a random, annoying person. he is going to stop thinking about you.

turning his attention to erwin instead he calls him and when he picks up levi makes his point very clear

“i was just called scrooge. get the hell here so i can order for you.”

erwin chuckles, his throaty laugh makes levi’s mouth twitch downwards in irritation

“and who exactly called you scrooge?”

“is that relevant?”

“very much so if you’ve mentioned it yourself”

levi is silent and erwin laughs once again at his colleagues anti social way of interacting

“i’ll be there in five, feel free to order.”

grunting a sound of approval levi hangs up

“you’re back! how may i help?”

the way you treat being a barista so seriously, he finds it oddly endearing

“one doubleshot iced coffee.”

nodding to yourself you hum a tune happily and get to work

ever since that day levi finds himself frequenting that specific starbucks more

at first it’s a whole lot of “i’m pissed and i don’t have a reason so i’ll go down there and have her annoy me, then i’ll have a real reason”

then you talk to him more and you both engage in small talk

then it develops when he doesn’t mean for it to

you tell him about what you study, where you’re from, how your mother has recently developed arthritis but she’s still so determined to cook to the best of her abilities despite the pain

that reminds him of you

each visit he learns something new about you

sometimes he’ll let you in on his life

“what do you work as, i’ve always wondered?“

“accountant.“ no way in hell is he going to scare you away, telling you isn’t an option

you burst out in laughter holding your knees

“accountancy is well paying what is your point...?”

“do you not know what that means” your laugh is muffled as you press the sleeve of your jumper against your mouth

he shakes his head completely clueless

“people say their accountants when they’re actually strippers. it’s a tiktok thing.”

you pause for a second staring at his face

he feels the way his ears grow red under your gaze but he ignores it looking as bored as ever

“ah well. i did not know that.”

“clearly not you are an old man.”

then you turn away to brew his tea and he lets the ghost of a smile sneak its way onto his face

you aren’t looking, it’s okay

but he knows it’s dangerous getting attached to you

it’s stupid relaxing

and it’s even worse loosening up

so he doesn’t.

he’s always cold, bitter and frigid in his responses as he’s always been with you

but that doesn’t stop you from kindly smiling

or absentmindedly brushing the surface of his skin on rare occasions

it doesn’t stop you from calling him scrooge

and it certainly doesn’t stop you from slowly thawing the frosty exterior of his heart

then one day you let the words “my scrooge” slip out of your mouth

he doesn’t know why he let’s it happen or even how it happens exactly but he can’t help the smile that makes itself evident on his face

“HEY YOU JUST SMILED HELLO?????? you can do THAT????”

he smiled in front of you, that’s it he’s fucked

he quickly drops it and is back to his normal narrowed glare

“i did no such thing”

you give him a knowing look but sigh airily there’s no point in getting the man to admit it

“what would you like today, a frappe?”

you ask the sarcastic question even though you know he hates change. his usual order is already ingrained in your mind. you know it off by heart

he sighs in exasperation

“is your memory really that bad?”

“nope. cinnamon rolls and black tea it is!”

[abyssalzones]

👀webcomic?

SO glad you asked.

I've been developing a pretty massive project for the past... 4 or 5 years (?) of my life called Escape Velocity. It will be a sci-fi action-comedy-horror-whatever the fuck mish-mosh of genres free webcomic in an "episodic format." Currently there are 20 chapters planned for two "acts," which I doubt will change because that's how it's always been planned.

That's the boring technical stuff, because I want to stop myself from giving too much away. I'll give you the basic summary though- it's about 5 aliens who do odd jobs, various affordable-pay high-risk community service type stuff, across the 8 planets that make up the Andromeda Republic. It's also about homelessness and politics and generations forged in trauma and space-capitalism and strength in numbers. It's about the human experience, but where humans don't exist.

But really, it's all actually about this

Anyway here's a bunch of random images I just picked out for you to look at and think thoughts about:

With time, and depending on how much people enjoy it, I'll probably look into hosting it on its own website, but for its initial release I'll put it on a few different websites like tumblr and probably... some other shit like webtoon just to cast a wider net.

I wish I could give a more concrete release date for the first pages but I will say I only really started writing chapter outlines recently, and 5 and a half are complete. I really want to pick up the pace once I graduate (so, soon).

You can see my tag for ev content I've posted over the years here, although admittedly there’s not much and some of it is pretty old. I post more frequently about it on twitter but I’m still pretty selective about what I show.

[chaozsilhouette]

Moonlit Musings

The night is such a perfect time to face one’s darkest truths. Shrouded in the moon’s light what can one do but admit to their flaws. It can be a time of rejuvenation and rebirth, only if you let it.

§~~~~§~~~~§~~~~§

It was a quiet night.

The full moon hung high in the heavens accompanied by millions of stars. Not a cloud to be seen, an ideal night for passions to run wild. Normally people would be taking out their telescopes or arranging romantic picnics.

Sadly, nights like these only filled Sun Wukong with dread. It was a night like this when he was finally able to return after the Journey. That was the night he learned he had lost a precious treasure.

When he returned, he expected to be greeted by his subjects until Macaque showed himself. He expected to be strangled as the pale furred monkie admonished him for his recklessness. He expected to watch as fury transformed into tearful joy as they embraced one another for the first time in over five hundred years.

But that wasn’t what happened.

The moment he set foot back onto Flower Fruit Mountain, he sensed something was very wrong. Like his previous return trips, his subjects greeted him with loud celebrations. The new mothers showed off their infants. The young ones wasted no time climbing all over him, taking in the scent of their king.

The immortal elders, however, looked concerned.

That was when he realized Macaque’s scent on the mountain was far too faint. Even the magical signature of his clones no longer felt fresh.

Macaque was nowhere to be found. The monkeys reported Macaque had returned a few years after he stopped by the mountain earlier in the Journey but not as his usual self. He didn’t respond to any of their questions. He didn’t even take time to check in on the infants. He didn’t say a word.

He just entered the mansion, but no one saw him leave.

Entering the mansion, Wukong dashed to their room desperate for answers. Opening the doors, he saw the room was horribly empty, sure all of his belonging were exactly as he remembered them, but all of Macaque’s stuff was gone. Macaque’s closet was empty and all his books had vanished. Despite his desperate hopes, there wasn’t any signs of a struggle or hidden messages to be found.

Macaque left of his own free will, but why?

He couldn’t bring himself to sleep in the bed they shared so many nights together. Every time he dared, he awoke expect to be greeted with the comforting warmth of familiar presence, instead he opened his eyes to a cold emptiness.

The lack of answers broke his heart, but he didn’t have time to start tearing the landscape apart trying to find him. Now that he was back for good, he had so many responsibilities to catch up on. He was determined to be a good king for his subjects and that meant ughthinking things through. Plus, he wanted to spend as much time with his master and brothers as possible.

Then there was the concerning fact all his previous allies had severed their alliance with him.

Apparently after all the fuss with the Demon Bull King, word had spread that Wukong broke their alliance by disrespecting protocol and attacking the royal family. Plus, his new position as a defender of humanity annoyed more than a few respectable demons. Combined with the sheer number of powerful demons he killed on the Journey cemented the idea that having an alliance with him would only end poorly.

He was banned from court meetings and the other kings in the surrounding areas wanted nothing to do with him. The chaotic nature of his past had finally caught up to him and in the worst possible way.

He was still recognized as the Monkey King of the Sun Court but was effectively blacklisted. No one wanted to mess with him, but they also didn’t want to interact with him. Not good for his mental health to say the least.

Simians are naturally social creatures. Wukong was used to constantly being around other people and learning new things. His time imprisoned was not kind. His first year of freedom had him constantly climbing over his brothers and master just to reassure himself that this was real.

And now that he couldn’t reconnect with old faces unless it was through a battle to the death…It forced him to delve into old memories. Memories that while sweet only made the emptiness more pronounced.

§~~~~§~~~~§~~~~§

Sun Wukong smiled as he watched Macaque’s reaction.

The six-eared monkie was furiously pinching the bridge between his eyebrows after he shattered a boulder with a careless headbutt as though it would make his life mercifully easier. “You’ll have to explain it to me again. What did you mean by ‘no longer under Yama’s jurisdiction’?”

“Exactly what I said. I was napping. Having some time to myself, when out of nowhere some idiots tried to take my soul to the afterlife.” Wukong explained as though having entities of death rip out your soul to drag it to the underworld was no big deal.

“Bet you weren’t happy.” Macaque couldn’t help but smirk at the flippant tone. He just made it so difficult to stay mad.

“Not in the slightest. I barged my way to the top brass, bunch of cowards called the Ten Kings (totally undeserved titles by the way) and demanded what the fuck was going on.” He was still ticked off even if the payoff was sweet. Seriously! Did immortality mean nothing to these cowards? They couldn’t even play it off as him dying in battle. He was in the peak of his youth! “Can you believe they tried to play it off as a misunderstanding? Should have smacked the loudmouth when I was there.”

“So, through a series of ridiculous events, you erased your name from the records of the dead.” Macaque could easily piece together the rest from there. No matter how ridiculous the odds. He learned never to bet against his friend when a problem could be handled with brute strength or intimidation. If it didn’t look like such an answer was possible, clearly, they hadn’t experienced the force of a determined Wukong. Something about facing a ticked off monkie of practically infinite strength and invulnerability left harden conquerors pissing themselves.

It was hilarious.

“Not just mine. In my infinite wisdom, I erased the names of several of the monkey inhabitants of esteemed Flower Fruit Mountain, including yours.” Wukong playfully booped Macaque’s nose.

Turning away to hide a light blush, Macaque scoffed to cover his embarrassing response. “Typical. I can’t leave you alone for five minutes without you doing something insane.”

“I know. I’m just that awesome.”

“So what? Are we now double immortal?” That was the question wasn’t it. Due to their master’s instructions, they were immortal and ageless, so what exactly would this give them? He didn’t feel any different. He couldn’t sense any new powers or changes in his instincts.

His counterpart, however, had other things on his mind. “Who cares. All I know is that those idiots have no control over our souls anymore.” And with that the King took his rightful place across Macaque’s lap as the other returned to his scrolls.

Wukong instead took the time to examine his friend, who finally gained enough confidence to fully drop his glamour and embrace his true appearance.

He still couldn’t believe Macaque actually had six ears. The weird part was how natural they looked, almost as if seeing him with only two was bizarre. The coolest part was how each pair softly glowed a different color. Blue. Purple. Red. Sometimes Wukong would just stare at them, imagining that he could see glittering stars emanating from that glow.

Suddenly those magnificent ears twitched. Macaque didn’t bother looking up from the bamboo scroll. “A trespasser...multiple, boar and vulture demon. Another hunting party”.

“Again. Ugh. Don’t these idiots ever give up!” Don’t get him wrong, Wukong loved a good fight. What better way to prove how superior you are to others than to steal what’s most precious to them? But even he was starting to grow bored with the sheer number of hunters that thought kidnapping his subjects was a quick cash grab.

After the fifth army he returned in pieces to the surrounding upstart lords, you’d think they’d take a hint.

Thankfully he wasn’t the only powerhouse on the mountain. “I haven’t tasted blood in a while. Why don’t I defend the kingdom while your highness enjoys a show?” Macaque set aside his reading material, eyes glittering with bloodlust.

Wukong returned the smirk with one of his own. “I’m always up for a good thrashing. One request: make it glorious.”

“Don’t I always.” Macaque joked as he retrieved his spear from his own shadow.

Wukong summoned his cloud and claimed a good vantage point. Once again, he marveled at his friend’s hearing. Judging by the distance it would have been at least three hours before he would have detected their presence.

Kicking back, he transformed some hair into a fruit platter and waited for the screams.

§~~~~§~~~~§~~~~§

To this day, Wukong knew Macaque was alive. Thanks to his efforts combined with the intense training, the monkie was double immortal. Besides, that monkkie was way too stubborn to die. He would survive purely on spite if he had to.

Macaque left, but why?

While he may have effectively isolated himself, that didn’t mean he didn’t hear about the other courts. A few centuries ago, he heard rumors about the formation of a new court by someone under the title of the Macaque King. Supposedly they were a powerful monkie who knew way more than he had the right to. For a brief moment, Wukong dared to hope it was his old friend, but it didn’t last. The few recounts he caught described him with black fur. Besides, he knew how much Macaque hated the title of King. Even when Wukong offered him the position as co-ruler of his kingdom, the pale monkie adamantly refused.

Still, he was curious.

For a few weeks he could have sworn he detected a familiar scent hiding underneath Mk’s. And he wasn’t the only one who noticed. A few of the immortal monkeys questioned him on the mango infused scent and what his plans were. It was almost too much to take in.

To think he returned to teach his student instead of showing his face. It hurt just to think about it. He chose to ignore the beckoning scent until it became impossible to ignore MK’s leap in progress. Then it just vanished like it hadn’t been testing his patience. Like it hadn’t brought him to the brink of shaking the kid upside down until he confessed where his old friend was hiding. The kid probably grew wise, or someone told him to change his bathing habits, and by the next training session it was all but gone.

Dragging his hand down his face, Wukong tried to reevaluate his thoughts.

Getting mad at the kid wasn’t going to solve anything. He knew he hadn’t been the most attentive master. Hell, the whole hammer exercise at its core was a desperate attempt to remove a painful reminder of better times. His master would be disappointed in how he was running away from his problems, but would encourage him to take the steps to be better. Zhu Bajie would be a sarcastic little shit, trying to get him riled up so the monkie would prove him wrong. Sha Wujing would sit him down and wouldn’t let him leave until they talked everything through.

He had to make things right with the kid. He deserved a better master. And this New Years he was gonna get one.

He spoke, praying the winds would carry his voice to his Warrior.

“Macaque. I know it’s been a while, but…I-I want to talk. I know you’re out there, somewhere I can’t reach. I miss sparring with you. I miss lazy days napping in the shade by your side. I miss defending the mountain as we held contests to see who could take out the most trespassers before their common sense kicked in. I miss you. Please come home.”

§~~~~§~~~~§~~~~§

The moon was high in the sky. Stars danced in the heavens as the faintest hints of vibrations pulsed through the concrete from the late-night dance clubs. MK lay awake, his mind struggling to make sense of it all.

Ever since Macaque disappeared in order to remain undetected, he kept thinking about his relationship with the Monkey King. Sure, he was being trained and he was definitely making progress. The monkie was still on his case for supposedly cheating on him with another mentor. Nothing MK said or did could make the monkie think otherwise. Thankfully, he was no longer shooting him suspicious glares, but the underlying tension remained.

The sad truth is they just weren’t that close.

He would have expected to learn more about the Monkey King on a personal and emotional level, but he just couldn’t get past that wall. Their training sessions felt more like just the Monkey King arranged just to get it over with. There was no passion at all.

Okay, perhaps that last bit was an exaggeration.

When you peered past the arrogance and pride, you found one socially awkward monkie. It was similar to Red Son the more he thought about it, both seemed to find it difficult to talk to or relate to others in a friendly setting. Sure, Monkey King projected a friendly demeanor and called him “bud”, but if he didn’t know any better he could have sworn the monkie was afraid to take that final step.

The last few sessions had taken a bit of a turn in a positive direction as Sandy would say. Maybe Monkey King decided it was time to make a change? Maybe this was all a trick so MK would lower his guard and reveal Macaque’s identity? Maybe he was just tired and should have conked out an hour ago?

Maybe.

Reality was so different from the legends. When Tang first introduced him to the Monkey stories, he was hooked. He loved listening to the tales of the infamous trickster that flipped off every major religious figure with unbridled confidence. Meeting the Great Sage in the flesh was like a dream come true until he was exposed to the King’s less pleasant tendencies.

Mk couldn’t help but wonder just how much confidence the Monkey King had in his training skills. Did he ever train someone before? Could MK talk to someone about this without appearing even more ungrateful than he already looked? Why didn’t he stop Red Son from unsealing his father when he was there? Why didn’t he simply seal the entire family when they were reunited? Why did the five times immortal sage decide that now he needed to train a disciple? Was Monkey King not telling him something important?

He had so many questions and not even the foggiest idea of where to start looking. Or perhaps he did?

The truth was he missed Macaque. The dark-furred monkie may have only taught him for a month, but the progress he made and the level of care he was exposed to made him feel as though he had finally unlocked the ability to fly.

He missed the regular grooming. He missed learning about the demon community. He missed learning new ways to mess with Red Son through appropriate court manners.

Watching the fire user freeze up at the term “honorable prince of the Iron Bull Court” just made him laugh, when his hair combusted it really matched his face. Now that he thought about it, were those horns starting to peek out of his forehead? And maybe the slightest hint of a tufted tail swiping the bottom of his coat? Seeing the demon frantically compose himself was a treat he didn’t know he needed. He still had the video saved as one of his favorites, didn’t hurt that Mei caught it at the perfect angle.

Oh yeah, he missed that.

With any luck, New Years would be the start of something better.

§~~~~§~~~~§~~~~§

On an island that remained surrounded by unquenchable storms, a single black-furred monkie sat cross-legged in a secluded part attached to the palace. All around him fruit trees and bushes bore a hefty bounty releasing an intoxicating scent of life.

Ears twitched.

Macaque opened his eyes, aroused from his meditation. It was odd. He had the faintest sensation that someone had been talking about him. Now that wasn’t exactly unusual, he made plenty of allies and enemies across the centuries. What was odd was that the voice sounded like someone he once cherished.

But that couldn’t be right.

The deceptive silence of his personal orchard gave him no answers. Not that he really expected it to.

For some reason he refused to identify, Macaque turned to the single peach tree in the grove. A tribute from his past and a reminder of his mistakes. But it was also a valuable resource once he learned the truth about the peach’s properties. He used its powers to protect many happy relationships, if only it could have helped him so long ago.

No matter.

He still had many projects to work on, including one successor just rife with insecurities. He honestly felt bad ducking out as he did. If things were different, he would have offered him a new life. His Stars were always happy to welcome a new member into their budding community.

As a bonus, his presence would have interrupted their constant attempts to set him up with new dates. He adored their efforts but being paired with partners who only wanted power or he would view only as friends was not something he enjoyed. Although watching them mentally destroy those they didn’t find suitable for him was quite entertaining.

Either way, New Years was coming up fast and he still needed to approve a few changes. His Stars were determined to make sure this event topped last years in every way possible, but they had to make sure they didn’t set the orchard on fire again. Or worse, they could launch the fireworks into the storm barrier. He wasn’t sure why or how, but the tornadoes and clouds turned different colors as explosions rang throughout the night.

It was beautiful but lost its charm after the third day.