#but the block still threatens my sanity

[muntitled]

Req - Something about Shotaro? Oh my god anything, your writing is just so????;!!;?$3

Maybe some smut on the toxic-ish side about how he appeals to be a loving boyfriend to your friends but behind closed doors he’s a lot more intimidating/manipulative, but you’re still just so weak for him (maybe even more so because of it???) and just can’t control yourself around him. Idk, I’m literally clueless but I just know I need that immaculate brain of yours combined with Taro!!!

Much love, and Happy New Year!!!

A/n: I'm not gonna lie... This took a good chunk of my sanity trying to write, I can only hope that you like it. Also happy new yearrr

𝗣𝗶𝗰𝘁𝘂𝗿𝗲 𝗣𝗲𝗿𝗳𝗲𝗰𝘁

Osaki Shotaro x Fem!Reader

Summary: Shotaro is your golden retriever boyfriend... until he isn't

Warnings: Language, Established Relationship, Jealousy, Best friend!Sohee, Possessiveness, Slight Dark fic, Toxic!Relationship, Manipulation, Smut (+18) Dom!Shotaro, Fingering, Grinding, Choking, Teasing

Your shoulders are as rigid as two metal cinder blocks, keeping your head from rolling off onto the floor. Barbed wires twist with anxiety in the pit of your stomach because you know, despite the sunshine disposition, despite the smile, despite the glassy doe eyes, Shotaro is pissed, and he definitely wants you to know about it.

“I swear on my unborn child,” Sohee, your best friend (your best guy friend) exclaims over a mouthful of ramen, “Yours is the only man I'd ever let cook for me. The rest of the male population can choke.”

While Shotaro basks in Sohee's praises with a modest sunshine smile, you sigh under the pressure of your boyfriend's grip on your thigh as you swiftly say, “You're quite literally a member of said male population-”

Sohee lowers his chopsticks before assuming a vaguely threatening stance with his cheeks round and stuffed. “Begrudgingly,” he says, “Not by choice.” You do not laugh but you try to.

Sohee bounces up and down in his seat, seemingly oblivious to your nervousness and Shotaro's skillfully hidden vexation.

“This is why I needed you two to end up together.” Says Sohee, swinging his head towards you. “My Golden Retriever best friend,” he swings his head towards Shotaro, “And my Golden Retriever coworker-”

“It's getting late, Sohee-” Shotaro's voice is calm and his head is still tilted as he says, “Should I call your uber?” You gulp silently as Shotaro's hand rubs up and down your thigh in a dizzying motion.

“Not very Golden Retriever of you,” Sohee grumbles before slurping down the last of his soup, “But that's okay because you're perfect in everything else-”

“Are you trying to steal my boyfriend, Sohee?” You hope cracking a joke might alleviate some of the one sided tension only you seem to be aware of.

Despite the smile, Shotaro is having a very difficult time remaining patient, especially because he had plans. Before Sohee had hijacked your attention, Shotaro would venture to say that he was actually somewhat happy at the start of the evening… before he found himself sharing your time with your over exuberant best friend.

There was a lively, almost vibrant pep in his step when he got off work, despite the tiredness in his muscles. As Shotaro made his way down the corridor towards your apartment door, his head was bowed with his eyes glued on his phone.

Your whimpers resounded in the clarity of his headphones. He watched you cum around his fingers, absolutely transfixed- so transfixed he almost doesn't recognize movement in his periphery right when he reaches your front door.

Far too swiftly, Shotaro plastered a smile on his face as he paused the video, dropped his phone into his pocket and lowered his headphones before bowing to your elderly next door neighbour.

He muttered a polite “안녕하세요,” in greeting, and the tiny old woman responded just as amicably.

She, as well as every other person in your life is absolutely floored by his politeness.

“What a nice young man,” she said, as she continued her way down the corridor, leaving Shotaro chuckling to himself because the thoughts he was having were certainly kilometres off on what a nice young man should be thinking.

He could not help that he had been thinking about you the whole day. Not even just sexually. (Although he did miss your body terribly. Shotaro was absolutely obsessed with the way it worked: You were always so unmistakably pliant for him. Like clay). Even simply being this close to your space made his heart overblown with satisfaction. Your house had always been somewhat of a safety enclosure for him. His own little piece of peace away from the outside world.

As he inserted the password and turned the knob, Shotaro imagined how you'd be waiting for him after work by the door like you usually did. Swimming in his oversized shirt as you stood with your arms opened wide.

None of those things happened.

Shotaro trudged into your house, sweaty and physically defeated from another day of exerting himself with rigorous routine. The thought of melting into your arms had been the only thing keeping him vaguely upright, when all he wanted to do was collapse on a pile on the floor.

As he proceeded to kick his sneakers off at the door, Shotaro’s brain nearly short circuitrd at the sight of you standing before him… fully dressed.

Not for any reason beside the fact that he had hoped to find you dressed comfortably enough to touch each other while you both cuddled lazily on the couch.

He was not being unreasonable in his expectations.

“Are we supposed to be going somewhere?” Shotaro asked quizzically with his doe eyes widened in cute curiosity. He eyed your halter neck and maxi skirt with much discontent.

“Oh good! You're home! I actually have something to-” Before the words could escape your mouth, he immediately enclosed you in a hug that you drowned in.

“Missed you so much,” he murmured before splaying various sloppy kisses on the side of your face, “Couldn't stop thinking about you the whole day… your face-” A kiss, “Your mouth-” another kiss, “your boobs-”

“Taro, I have to tell you som-”

“God, I hate people!” he exclaimed above you with his arms falling to your hips.

“I shouldn't have to remind you that I count as people.” You jest in vague nervousness.

“When I say I hate people, never ever, do I mean you,” he whispered above you before patting your head down as if you were, less his human girlfriend and more something that went about its life on four legs.

“Do I count as people?”

Your shoulders stiffened and Shotaro's arms grew rigid as his head snapped up to look at your best friend- his co-worker.

Sohee makes his introduction behind you in the same outfit Shotaro saw him in at dance practice and he waved lightly.

Shotaro's shoulders sag infinitesimally but that smile on his face is all too permanent.

Sohee spinned around before mumbling, “Also I'd appreciate it if you two didn't hump each other out in the open for my viewing pleasure.”

Instead of actually feeling compelled to eat you now sit idly at the dinner table, picking and prodding at the ramen Shotaro has prepared for you all.

Your boyfriend's irritation is subtle and you could definitely miss it in the brightness of his overall countenance.

“I mean, it's not that I don't wanna be in a relationship- it's just that, seeing you two has inspired me… I guess you could say?” If it weren't for Shotaro's hand on your thigh you might have actually listened to the countless praises he dotes on Shotaro.

Praises about how good of a man he is. How perfect he is. How absolutely wonderful he must be for being able to put up with you.

All through the dinner, Sohee talks and talks, and you sit with your fingers curled around the end of the table, trying to stop yourself from not reacting to your boyfriend’s minstritations.

It is only when the dinner ends, and Shotaro escorts Sohee to the door, that you finally feel the first real signs of anxiety begin to solidify in your gut.

You're trying your best to load the plates into the dishwasher with a steady hand when you feel a daunting presence behind you. Evading eye contact, you swiftly and succinctly say, “I'm sorry. He had no where else to go-”

“He has a house. Try again.”

You sigh, letting your eyes flutter shut at the coldness in his voice.

“He's my best friend, Shotaro,” you say with finality before straightening your spine and turning to face him. You’re both pressed on opposite ends of the kitchen. Both with your arms folded.

“I don't really like your friends.” He says.

“I don't think my friends should be your problem, is what I'm saying.” You clarify. “And anyway, I thought you’d like the fact that Sohee’s my friend.”

Shotaro Scoffs as he says, “I'd like it more if he didn't try to inject himself into our relationship, babe.” Shotaro's voice is incredibly calm, but his words are aimed like an arrow doused in poison, as he closes the distance between you two. Your attention is fixed on him as he lifts his hand to trace small lines on your exposed collar, and you nearly fight the urge to make your eyes flutter shut.

“Not to sound like a tired fucking cliche but, I'm just thinking about what's best for you-” That snaps you out of it.

“What's best for me or what's best for you?!" You exclaim before slapping his hand away.

If only you knew how badly that particular passive-aggressive action affected him. Shotaro crowds you against the counter as he pushes his front up against yours until he's quite literally peering down at you. You refuse to crane your neck back and look up at him.

He was being ridiculous.

“I'm not choosing between you or my friends, Taro-”

“You're so pretty, you know that?” His completey-out-of-left-field comment, especially layered with that sweet-as-honey voice of his, shoots straight to your core, and you grab the counter behind you for support. “And smart too,” he says, before trailing his hand down your arm, eliciting a trail of goosebumps in his wake. Shotaro’s touch is not only sensual, but its molten fucking lava and it nearly has you melting into a puddle on the floor.

“So I trust you to make your own decisions.” He says, nodding with cute finality before lifting your face up by your chin.

“Taro…” Your heart resorts to frenzy, and your head flies backward when Shotaro drifts his fingers past the seams of your maxi skirt. His are fingers- quite literally making their descent down your underwear while you remain too dumb to do anything but say: “I-I knew Sohee before I knew you.”

He only pushes up against you further, letting his hand grip the side of your neck. “You really think now is a good time to throw that in my face?” He asked with a tilt of his head and his hand now sliding over your cunt.

“You're not wet,” he whispers, “Why aren't you wet?” Before you're ever able able to answer, Shotaro drops to his knees before picking up the ends of your billowing skirt and disappearing underneath the fabric. A torrid gasp escapes your throat when his warm breath skates over your cunt and you're once again throwing your head back in absolute ecstasy.

He pokes his head up from underneath your skirt, cute smile on display while his fingers massage your aching clit. “You're always so wet for me, baby," he says with a childish frown, "What's the matter, huh?” He tilts his head again. “Is it your friend?”

He asks casually, as if his middle finger was not easing its way past your entrance … as if he his fingers were not already drenched in your arousal in less than a minute. “Fuck, Shotaro-”

“Is it because of him?” He continues to ask, now fully moving his fingers in and out of yoy while he remained on his knees- gaze never once wavering. “I'm sorry, bunny,” He says with faux concern, “I didn't know Sohee meant so much to you!”

“F-Fuck Taro-”

At the sound of his name, Shotaro's other hand grips your thigh, only opening your legs wider to split you all the way open against his fingers rough minstriations. He alternates between his middle and index. Sometimes splitting you open with both, until you were thoroughly bucking forward, to the pace that he had set and you were chasing your own orgasm furiously.

“You look like you're gonna cum for me, baby!” He exclaims with big bright eyes and a wide open smile. Equal parts adorable and completely fucking manic.

“Ask me to cum,” he whispers, still looking up at you like you were the best toy he could've ever hope to get. “I control your body. I control every part of you.” He says, “So ask me-”

“Please, Taro!- P-Please can I come?” Your hands have long ago found purchase in his blonde locks and you squeeze your eyes shut, bucking into him at a frenzied pace.

“Look at how pretty you are when you're following orders!” He exclaims as if you truly were a child. “So pretty,” he’s absolutely mesmerising, “My pretty girl gets to cum all over my fingers-”

You've already jumped off the cliff, letting your hips stutter as your eyes roll to the back of your head.

Shotaro's eyes appear almost pained by the sight in front of him. How easily you break for him. Whenever he wanted. You truly were in control of his entire being.

“G-God-” Your failed attempt at talking brings a wave of warmth over Shotaro's countenance, and he finds himself pleasantly satisfied once again. He lifts himself up to his full height.

“what a gorgeous girl,” he whispers before pushing his forehead against yours, “My gorgeous girl,” he murmurs before sliding his fingers - the fingers that were once inside you- past your trembling lips.

[ipostwhatiwant1202]

Headcanons for all 4 TMNT:

• they all love kids but they collectively agree that babies aged 0-2 are the best

• can any of them handle spice? absolutely not. does it stop them? no.

• the only thing can all collectively agree on without much arguing is music

• all are surprisingly pretty good dancers

• they have all said "suck my dick" at some point (raph uses it the most)

• they all manspread

• nothing triggers any of them more than a spider

-raph won't go anywhere near the spider and refuses to be in the same room with it

-mikey's okay with the spider but doesn't want it touching him

-donnie will move the spider without killing it but won't touch the web

-leo will touch the spider to take it outside but the feeling freaks him out

• don't say the words "i bet you won't" cause boom there they all go

• at some point they have all referred to april as mom just to piss her off

• they all agree smores poptarts are superior

• they play with april's hair if she's sitting in front of them on the ground

• shark week is a whole thing

• thanksgiving and christmas are the turtle's favorite times of year

• they will all devour the deviled eggs and cranberry sauce

• mikey and raph will shamelessly walk in the bathroom when their brothers are showering

• leo and donnie are very guilty of leaving cupboards open in the middle of the night

• raph and leo have similar facial expressions when shit hits the fan

• mikey and donnie freak out if wet food touches them when they do the dishes

• leo and mikey both really like dr phil

• donnie and raph can't stand the taste of bananas

• do any of them truly enjoy horror? no. do they suffer through the movie anyway? yes.

• april has sat on their laps when there's been no seats

-leo is the most calm and just settles his hands where she directs

-raph is a bit more timid and keeps one hand on her waist

-donnie tries to keep his hands off her because he's awkward

-mikey just wraps his arms around her like it's a normal thing

• splinter still tells the boys stories when they can't sleep after a tough patrol

• splinter also checks on the boys every night when they go to bed

• the guys can all shotgun like it's no ones business

• they're all very protective of april and casey's child(ren)

-one time one of the kids came home crying saying another kid pushed them down and all 4 of them were fully prepared to go to war

-if the kid is taking a guy to homecoming or prom, the dude gets threatening texts and blocked phone calls

• when april and casey's child(ren) was born, all the guys cried

-leo very reluctantly let someone else have a turn holding the child(ren)

-raph has made the child(ren) a blanket as a gift when they're born

-donnie handles all the medical care for the child(ren) and april during and after birth

-mikey decorated the child(ren)'s nursery and baby shower(s)

• april gets random texts to settle dumb arguments between the brothers

• they all love adele

• they all sing in the shower

• don't bring nerf guns into the lair for the sake of splinter's sanity

• vine references are frequently thrown around the lair

• they've all watched 90 day fiancé and they all hate ed

• mikey is the only one who can get any of his brothers to cry from laughing

• leo may suck at comforting his brothers but they all seek him out for comfort anyway

• donnie's sleep schedule is the worst so when he falls asleep in his lab his brothers have each carried him to bed

• raph can't sleep properly unless he knows that his brothers are close by and he's seen them go to bed

• splinter will still sometimes tuck the boys into bed if he knows they've had a rough time

• all of them have cussed out casey and vern for saying the wrong thing about a brother

• they all hardly swear around april

• splinter has banned legos in the lair because the boys were using them as revenge against each other

[ihavemanyhusbands]

I Need You (18+)

Aaron Hotchner x Fem!Reader

You've been casually hooking up with Aaron for a while, but even if you want something more, things aren't always so simple.

WC: 2.7k words

Warnings - SMUT!! MINORS DNI (18+), HEAVY on the angst lol, cursing, p in v, oral (f receiving), casual-ish sex, unprotected (don't be silly wrap ur willy and whatnot pls), not sure what else so lmk if I missed anything!

A/N: Omg ive been so burnt out from work I'm so sorry i promise im still writing my queue of reqs but for the sake of my sanity I needed to write this lmao I had this idea suddenly and I just LOVE ANGST!!! So I had to! Considering writing a part 2 to give them a happy ending lol in the meantime, hope you like!

It was the perfect night to stay inside. It was raining so hard that it threatened to become a deluge, thunder rumbling in the distance and only getting closer. You had brought out a couple of blankets to the living room to snuggle under, a cheesy old horror movie waiting for you on the TV. 

You dumped popcorn into a big bowl and poured yourself some more wine, humming along to a song that was stuck in your head. 

Because you weren’t expecting anyone at all, you were in full-on slob mode. Your pajamas consisted of an oversized t-shirt with a picture of Garfield and Odie on the front, along with yellow underwear that had “Tuesday” stitched on them – even if it was actually Friday. 

Your hair was braided into two pigtails, still damp from the shower. You always loved how it looked all wavy right after undoing them in the morning, like you’d just been at the beach.

Outside, there was a quick, bright flash of lightning, and you really hoped the lights wouldn’t go out. From the kitchen, you almost didn’t hear the knocking on your front door. You’d been counting the seconds between that flash and the inevitable growl of the skies – One, two, three, four, five…

But then you registered the desperate, staccato rhythm of fists pounding on wood. You rushed towards the door, peering through the peephole before throwing the door open. 

Standing on the threshold, drenched from head to toe, was the handsome Aaron Hotchner. It was at that same moment that thunder decided to rumble, but you’d long since stopped counting. The two of you momentarily stared at each other, almost as if in disbelief. 

Aaron had been your neighbor for some time now, living just at the end of the block. Still, despite the proximity, you didn’t see him very often, so your heart began racing at this turn of events.

His gaze roamed over you, taking you in, but you didn’t feel self-conscious. He always made you feel confident and sexy, no matter what you were wearing… or not wearing. He flexed his fingers anxiously, like he wanted to reach out but was holding himself back.

“May I come in?” he asked, breaking the spell you were both under.

You nodded quickly, stepping aside to let him in. He took his shoes off as you helped him remove his blazer, hanging it up by the door. You dashed toward your bathroom to retrieve a towel and handed it to him. 

“Thanks,” he murmured, toweling off his hair first. It was the most disheveled you’d ever seen it, and you’d ran your hands through it plenty of times in the past. It was a charming sight, really.

“Did you just get back?” You asked.

He nodded, draping the towel on his shoulders. You could see the bags under his eyes and the tense set of his shoulders, which you immediately wanted to help ease. 

Some time ago, he’d confided with you that he was a profiler for the FBI. He often traveled to aid in all sorts of cases, sometimes having to be away for extended periods of time, but he’d never disclosed any details about any of them.

 It was the reason you rarely saw him, but you didn’t really have the right to complain, since you two weren’t actually together. Instead, you took what you could get. 

“Come sit, you must be exhausted,” you said, starting to lead him to the living room. 

“I am,” he sighed heavily, reaching out to grab your hand to stop you. “But I just… needed to see you.”

Drawing you closer, he snaked his arms around your waist, and you rested your hands against his chest. You wiped a strand of dark hair away from his forehead, looking into his bewitching dark brown eyes. A soft smile tugged at your lips.

You remembered well the day you met him, out on the run around the neighborhood. The two of you had looked at each other and just kind of… stopped, unable to help it. It was as if the connection had been immediate.

The two of you spent the rest of that day walking around and talking, quickly finding out you lived on the same street. As time passed, one thing led to another, and soon you found yourself under him, your moans a melody in his ears.

But even if you had a burning desire for more, things were kept purely physical between the two of you. He’d explained his job was very demanding, and he wasn’t able to keep a serious relationship at the moment.

Once, he’d even told you that being with him would be risky for a myriad of reasons. And yet, he admitted he didn’t think he could keep himself totally away from you.

You said you didn’t mind, wanting to keep seeing him too, betraying your heart in the process. You found that each time you saw him, you fell just a little bit more for him. It was hard not to.

Not that you would tell him this, of course. It felt a little… selfish to feel that way. So just being around him was enough for the time being.

“Welcome home, I’m really glad you’re here,” you whispered, fingers trailing over his shoulders. “Why don’t we get you out of these wet clothes and warm you up? I can take care of you.”

His gaze became heated, and without another word, he bent down to kiss you. His hands cradled your face as you opened your mouth, granting his tongue access. 

You began undoing the buttons of his shirt, fumbling a little as your tongue tangled with his. You did not stop kissing him even as you slid it off of him, along with his undershirt. You pressed yourself against him, his cool skin a nice contrast against all the warmth you emanated. His hands traveled south, towards the hem of your shirt. 

You only separated for a moment as he pulled it over your head, but then he was on you again, kissing not just your lips, but your jaw and neck as well. You sighed contentedly, eyes fluttering closed as you surrendered to pleasure. 

“I needed you so bad,” he rasped against your throat. “I missed your smell, your softness.”

You melted at his words. It had not been easy to get Aaron to speak so freely. It definitely took a lot of patience and understanding, as well as a lot of honesty of your own. That feeling of mutual trust was not one you took lightly.

“I’m here,” you assured him, tangling your fingers in his hair as his lips trailed further down, leaving open mouthed kisses in their wake.

He took one of your nipples into his mouth, swirling his tongue around it. Your back arched as his hand tweaked your other nipple, at the same time that his teeth lightly grazed the sensitive skin. He smirked at your sharp intake of breath.

Then suddenly, you yelped as he pulled back only to pick you up, carrying you to your bedroom. He gently laid you down on the bed, undoing his belt and kicking his pants off before crawling over you. His mouth was back on you, licking and sucking and kissing all the places he knew would make you squirm.

“Oh, Aaron…” you sighed. “Did I mention I missed you too?”

“I know, baby, I know,” he said, planting a salacious kiss on your navel. “I’m gonna make you feel so good to make up for it.”

You couldn’t help but shiver in anticipation. 

He chuckled at your choice of underwear, eyes gleaming with fondness as he looked up at you. You gave him a sheepish smile as he pulled them down, kissing your thighs as he pushed them apart. Your hips jerked as he dove forward, licking a long, languid stripe through your folds. He groaned against your skin at the taste of you, inserting his tongue into your center.  

You fisted the sheets as you rocked your hips, seeking more friction. He brought a hand up to keep you steady, thumb brushing over your sensitive clit. The way you whimpered and moaned for him was glorious. He knew the sound would be stuck in his head for days to come. His mouth replaced his thumb on your clit, and he insterted one finger into you as he sucked your bundle of nerves between his lips. 

“Holy fuck,” you hissed, fingers tangling in his hair. “Don’t stop, please…”

Your wish was his command, so he only doubled his efforts, inserting a second finger into you. Your muscles tensed, and you were unable to utter any more coherent words. Your eyes rolled to the back of your head as you kept his head in place, that tight coil that had formed in your stomach finally snapping. He felt you clench hard around his fingers as you came, pride swelling in his chest. 

When he rose to his knees, the lower half of his face glistened with your arousal, and he was smiling with utter satisfaction. If there was one thing he truly enjoyed – and was really good at – it was giving you as many orgasms as he could. He loved seeing the heavy rise and fall of your chest, along with the blush that spread over your cheeks and nose. The beatific smile that inevitably followed, always directed at him. He would never tire of it.

This time, you pulled him towards you, kissing him fiercely, humming at the taste of yourself on his tongue. He groaned, helping you pull his briefs down before settling his hips between your legs.

“I need you,” you whispered against his lips, bucking your hips so his hardened length slid against your soaked pussy.

He wanted to tease you a little bit more, to make you beg, but the need to be inside you was much greater. Reaching a hand down, he lined himself up with your entrance and ever-so-slowly sank into you. He leaned his forehead against yours, both of you exhaling sharply when he was fully seated inside of you.

Your thighs squeezed his hips as he began to thrust slowly, letting you feel every inch of him. You’d missed the feeling of him stretching you, his body flush against yours, unsure of where you ended and he began. 

Soon he picked up the pace, groaning out your name as the obscene sounds of flesh slapping together filled the room. 

“You take me so well…” he praised between pants, feeling your walls flutter around him at his words. 

“H-harder, Aaron, please,” you begged. “Fuck… your cock just feels so good.”

He couldn’t deny you anything, truly. Pulling back a little, he brought your legs up so your ankles rested on his shoulders. He felt impossibly deep at this angle, the sensation close to being overwhelming, but not in a bad way. He pounded into you, and you gripped his shoulders tightly, as if attempting to anchor yourself.

Your mouth was slack in pleasure, brows furrowed and eyes fluttering closed. His name fell from your lips like a prayer, completely at his mercy. His movements soon became more erratic, hips jutting at an irregular rhythm. When he realized he was close, he wanted you to come along with him, so his hand snaked down between you. He rubbed your clit in quick, tight circles, your muscles tensing once again. 

“C-can I…” he tried to formulate, unable to finish his sentence.

You understood him all the same, nodding enthusiastically. “Yes, inside me, please!”

Mere seconds after you said that, the two of you stumbled into oblivion, unable to hold back any longer. You cried out his name as he groaned, movements halting as he spent inside of you, his cock twitching. He shuddered as he felt you clench around him, milking out his orgasm.

“There’s a good girl. You like coming for me, don’t you?” He grunted, smirking at your flushed features.

You smiled demurely at his words, nodding. “Oh, I love it.”

As he started to come down from his high, he continued to gaze down at you adoringly, kissing your calf as he gently brought your legs back down. In his eyes, you were the most glorious sight of all, completely bare and undone. All thanks to him. 

Whether he wanted to admit it or not, he already felt like you were his. Despite keeping you at an arms length, he held his feelings for you close to his chest. He cared too much about you to put you in any sort of danger, which was why he did not let himself have what he truly wanted. 

He lied on the bed facing you, pulling you closer to him and kissing the top of your head. You nuzzled his neck, breathing him in and rejoicing in the feeling of having him here, all to yourself. At least for the time being. 

“I think this is my favorite part,” you said against his skin, almost purring at the feeling of his fingers stroking your hair.

He huffed in response, staring vacantly at the wall, deep in thought. It had to be his favorite part, too. He could feel as your heart rate slowed to a steady rhythm, matching his. Your lips planting lazy little kisses all over his throat.

To have you like this felt incredibly selfish, and he hated himself for putting you in this position. He couldn’t help his thoughts from beginning to spiral, depite the influx of euphoria running throughout his body.

“Have you ever…” he began, clearing his throat as he searched for his courage. “Thought of seeing somebody else?”

You pulled back to frown at him, but he didn’t meet your gaze. “What?”

“I mean, is just this good enough for you? Don’t you ever want more?”

“W-where is this coming from?” You asked, pulling further back. “Did you meet someone? Is this your way of telling me?”

He quickly shook his head. “No, nothing like that. I guess I just have a hard time believing you’re content with seeing me only every so often, no commitment, no guarantee of anything… I can’t think of the reason why.”

You averted your eyes. “Does there have to be a reason?”

He shrugged, unsure of what to say. Frankly, there were instances in which you wondered the same thing, but deep down, you already knew the answer. You were scared of facing it, yes, but you were even more scared of him finding out.

“Well, to be clear, if I didn’t want you around – if I didn’t want this – you wouldn’t be here right now,” you said, idly tracing patters in the sheet beneath you with your finger. “So maybe you’re just gonna have to take my word for it.”

Sometimes you truly couldn’t understand why he thought the world would be out to get you for being with him. You were no one, you reasoned. You were merely a sinful secret, a reprieve from the harsh realities of the world. Realities that he never wanted you to witness, especially not after everything he knew you’d already been through.

You were yet to teach him that you truly could take care of yourself, too. In due time, perhaps.

With a deep sigh, he wordlessly embraced you once more, keeping you close for a long moment. He tried to memorize the velvety soft feel of your skin, the light freesia scent of your shampoo, and how you would always eagerly melt into his kiss. He’d need something to hold on to until the next time he saw you.

“Are you going to stay tonight?” You asked softly, wanting to pretend a little longer.

He nodded, looking down to meet your gaze as you pulled back once more. “But I have a really early start tomorrow. I’ll probably be gone before you wake up.”

You stroked his cheek tenderly, silently holding his gaze for a moment. 

“How many times are we supposed to say goodbye to each other, you think?”

“As many as it takes.”

Until it’s real. Until either of us actually means it.

[moonlight-prose]

i think i would go bonkers for joel and ❛ it hurts that you still can’t trust me after all this time. ❜

VIEW FROM THE BRIDGE

a/n: this has been sitting in my drafts for so long, but an idea struck me so i wrote it. it's messy and all over the place and probably way too short, but i'm actually okay with it. i hope you enjoy it darling! i based it on the song by etta marcus, because that whole album has my heart.

summary: the past was off limits, but at what cost?

word count: 1.1k+

pairing: joel miller x reader

warnings: not explicit, angst, grief, joel once again being emotionally unavailable, fluff, some heartfelt romance.

The city looked different from up here. Then again, the once beautiful Boston city had turned into a small few blocks radius with people who were terrified of even breathing. Everyone had lost their hope in the QZ. Their sunken eyes and gaunt frames told you just how much people were suffering, how much they would give to have just a small piece of their past back. You used to be one of them. Once.

“Hell of a view,” you said, sipping from the canteen of water you had attached to your pack.

The echo of his footsteps came up behind you, the sound familiar and comforting after spending so long with him. “I’ve seen better.” You could practically hear the smile in his voice.

You snorted, turned to see him leaning against the edge of the bridge railing, the sun glowing behind him. “Oh yeah? Where?”

“Texas had some pretty views too.”

“Ah…of course,” you replied, biting back the smile that threatened to bloom on your lips. “Do you miss it there?”

The question was a dangerous one to ask given the circumstances. You weren’t his partner, or even his lover. You were the person who tagged along behind him. Someone he would probably feel nothing for if you were to ever die or leave his side. Which left the question to hang in the air. Unanswered.

He cleared his throat, turning back to stare at the view with a different look on his face. One that told you enough. You weren’t supposed to ask those kinds of questions. The agreement you shared was simple enough; both of you were meant to work together with an ease that only came from people who were more. The both of you were supposed to keep the other alive. That was it. You didn’t divulge secrets, you didn’t bring up the past. 

What was the point? When you were both going to die eventually anyways.

You could still feel the lingering loneliness in your chest every time you looked at him. The ache that slowly ate away at your insides. Telling you that you would never be able to have more than just this—more than two people who were on the verge of breaking apart entirely. Unable to heal from the damage done to both your souls.

“We need to go,” he said, staring in the distance at the QZ. Neither of you were supposed to be here in the first place, but listening to the rules was never either of your fortes.

“Why do you do that?” you sighed, stepping away from him, adamant on catching the last few rays of the afternoon sun.

“I didn’t do—”

“You know it hurts right,” you finally admitted, unable to look at him. The sun glowed against his face, turning you breathless at the sight, and you wouldn’t be able to handle that. “It hurts that you still can’t trust me after all this time.”

His breath caught in his chest. The echo of pain in your voice breaking off a piece of his heart as he watched you struggle to fight back the flood of emotions. For months he had avoided letting you in like it was his own kind of infection. It was better to stay alone. To keep everyone at arm's length if only to save his own sanity. He knew it hurt you. Saw the crushed expression you continued to wear whenever he pulled away, but Joel was unable to do anything about it.

How could he let you in when he knew what the cost was in the end?

“I trust you.”

You scoffed, finally turning your gaze on him. The shine of unshed tears punched him in the chest. “No you don’t Joel. You never did.”

He sighed, stepping closer and half expecting you to step back, but that’s never who you were. “You know why I can’t.”

“No actually I don’t,” you muttered. “Because you never told me.”

“Honey—”

“And that’s fine. I don’t need to know your whole history, or why you’re so fucking broken. But did you ever stop to think that I’m just as broken as you Joel?” The tears that fell were hot, filled with a salty rage that he could practically taste on his tongue.

He knew bits and pieces of your history. He knew that the ring you wore on a chain around your neck used to sit on your left hand. A promise you made to another man, long before the outbreak. You had a life with that person. A home that belonged to you. Yet that was all ripped away from you on the same night it was ripped from him.

The reason he knew all of that was because you told him. You let him in to see the most vulnerable parts of you. So why couldn’t he do the same?

Breaking away from his gaze, you wiped at the tears. “Forget I said anything. It’s getting late. We need to head back before they notice we’re gone.”

Joel felt his heart drop at the prospect that this was it. This was the moment you would walk away for good. So, he grabbed onto your arm and dragged you close. He kissed you, swallowed your sharp gasp, and attempted to show you exactly how much he needed you in his life. You were his. The partner he turned to when he needed comfort, when he needed to be reminded of the person he was before all of this.

“Joel—” you gasped, your hands gripping onto his jacket.

“I will tell you,” he breathed, his forehead pressing against yours. “It’s just gonna take me some time honey. I’ve never…”

You nodded, cupping his cheeks to bring him closer. “I know.”

He shut his eyes against the sight of your smile, feeling as if he didn’t deserve the sweetness of it. Not yet at least. Tonight he would go home, explain to you what he could without breaking his own soul again, and do his best to keep you. Joel wouldn’t lose another person. He couldn’t. For now though…he admired the view of your eyes once again holding a hope he wished he could have himself.

“Hell of a view,” he murmured, his thumb running along your jaw. His breath caught at the sight of your eyes fluttering closed, your sigh of contentment rocketing to his heart.

You smiled, pulling him closer by the front of his jacket—your lips brushing against his. “Eh,” you shrugged. “I’ve seen better.”

[siremasterlawrence]

A Villains Fantasy Part 1

Nightwing AKA Dick Grayson is losing all of his mind on a recent case using a grabbling hook shooting in to the air he is hitting the roof tip and doing a backflip to match with me. He catches me facing me head on as if we are one leaving me to cross my arms in a fit of rage and he shoves me hand to the side attempting to fully pushing me off of the building. I laugh a bit as he starts to go on full attack throwing kicks, punches and the like but I block him not really caring one way or the other and sending him flying in to the wall.

“You look floored! Did I defy your expectations?”

“Yes indeed!”

“Way to go!”

“Showcase your power for me”

“Your arrogant ass is going down”

“You wish! Your sweet cheeks need to be smacked.”

“I’ll spank you into submission “

“Fuck you !”

“I’ll be doing that”

“Who are you?”

“Your God!”

“You can submit “

“You can fight “

“You can fuck off”

“You can do whatever you like”

“You still have no choice “

“I am in control “

“Don’t deny that “

I had once chance to get him under my total mind control of the absolute order as it it a simple action on my part flipping my finger at him as he rages at me and I wait for him to race after me. I block his attack with one hand as I force my palm back making eyes go dim and dull with a threatening mannerI use my sheer will to make him faulted and pin him down. Pressing my fingers down asI dig into his skin because he fell back in to my arms as I cups his chin placing my lips on his as he comes to and admiring me with my utmost love.

“You can call me Master”

“Yes Master”

“Mwahahahahaha “

“You are all about me”

“You love me”

“Swear to me”

“Serve me and obey “

“Commit to me”

“I love you Master Lawrence “

“Mwahahahahaha “

“Set yourself free”

“FREE”

“Master Lawrence “

“I…Nightwing is at your service”

“Perfect! Kneel and kiss me”

“Oh my…”

“Oooohhhhh gggooodddd”

“Yyyuuummm…ffffffuuuuuuccckkk”

Metropolis Maven and Superhero Superman floating in to the air shooting past him with super speed as he landed on to the roof top with utter excitement glee to see Nightwing with this express on his face. He stood on the edge of the city arms wrapping around himself tightly, closing in he hops off of the edge of the roof as he walks towards his pals ward and encircles him his nose is put on alert. Oddly Nightwing had something behind his back but it was contained in a box of lead piquing his curiosity but Dick removes it putting it in his face and unlock it leaving green keep kryptonite. Clark looks shock a backing up to the wall hitting his back as it slid down to the ground in such a state pain as everything unravels before him Clark blacks out fading in to the city scenery. Nightwings eyes glow bright dark green hue as he holds his stomach in pit of pain laughter feels the air like guttural packs of bucket of pain as the last of sanity and heroic actions vanish. He regains control once more standing up he punches his left palm wings back right fist and kicks Clark all the way to the edge and joining them in step and toe stepping on him as he pounds his ass.

“Relax Clark! I shall give you some advice “

“Noooo! Stop”

“Why would ever do that?”

“We are friends, allies not enemies “

“Friends? Excuse me”

“You are weak “

“Useless kryptononian”

“Master will conquer this world “

“Subjugate you “

“Break your mind and reprogram it”

“I will repurpose you “

“Give him a gift “

“What gift?”

“Your ass”

“I will not allow”

“Allow me?”

“Take deep breath Clark”

“One small whiff and you are mine”

“No must fight”

“Resistance in futile”

“HELP!”

“No one is coming “

“Uuuuggghhh! I can’t fight any longer”

“The sweet smell of being owned. I am yours now and forever .”

The end

[wannaeatramyeon]

HIII how are u doing girlie😍🤞🤞 Anyways can u pls write a scenario where ur classmates (htf characters?) find out ur dating seong taehoon and their reactions?? You dont need to if u dont want to ofc<333

Hey Anon! Thanks for the ask <3 I'm doing great!! Brain rotting away as expected but HAPPY FRIDAY! Hope you're doing well too and having a good start to the month :)

Don't you agree that there's a disappointingly small amount of writing for our lil nutjob?

Please enjoy the whiplash of my change in tone!

HTF discovering You & Taehoon dating!

Things were tentative between you and Taehoon. You've only been dating for a couple months, and you're still getting to know this side of him. Well. You say this side but it's still the same old Taehoon that you've come to grow very fond of.

The one that tells everyone to piss off but comes running, no, sprinting when one of his friends need his help. Who threatens to beat everyone up, but will come to your defence with no hesitation. This prickly, insufferable little shit.

Sometimes you worry about your own sanity for liking someone like Taehoon, but then he gives you a look in the middle of the company meetings and your feel your entire body flush and your heart palpitate. And you think about just being alone with him, the way that he looks at you like he wants to devour you, the way his hand runs all over your body and god bless his pale skin because it's so obvious how crazy you're driving him despite how cool he plays it- "Huh? Sorry Rumi, I missed that question. What did you ask?"

You know already this guy has no respect for other people's personal space, but since you've gotten together, a complete and utter lack of personal space has become the norm. At least when no one else is around.

Taehoon corners you in the company house.

"You got 500 won?" He's leaning casually on the wall, blocking your path of exit. He wears a smug smirk as his face moves closer to yours.

You roll your eyes, "Get your own 500 won, I'm not lending you any more money you bastard."

He glances down at your lips, "How about a kiss then?"

Bastard indeed. You blush, but with him so close by, with his lidded gaze and goddamn pretty pink lips slightly parted... you couldn't say no if you tried.

You lean forward to kiss him, and Taehoon deepens it before you have a chance to move away. His arm circles around your waist, pressing your entire body against him. You put your arms around his neck, pulling him impossibly closer and his hands start to roam your body. Perhaps you and Taehoon should move this somewhere more private-

A glass shatters. "OH MY GOD!!"

You both turn and see the entirety of Hobin Yu company frozen in shock.

Fuck. This was why you shouldn't be making out in the living room.

Hobin: Very happy for you! Congrats Y/N!!! But then after a moment... wait. Hold on. The reality of the situation sinks in. What?! That psycho Taehoon managed to bag you???

Yeah Taehoon has a nice face but his personality STINKS. How can anyone stand him? AND MOST important of all: how did you guys beat him and Bomi getting together?! Life is so unfair!

Snapper: similiar reaction as Hobin. Who tf can put up with that nutjob. Side eyes you a bit cos surely you must have a few screws loose too. But... the opportunities for a newtube channel! Couple dates, couple vlogging! Ok, maybe this isn't such a bad development.

Gaeul: completely clueless. Even Gyeoul has commented on you two getting closer. This innocent little chick just thought... well, she didn't know what she thought - maybe you guys were just close friends? "You fellas, I'm so happy for you. Now don't you young whippersnappers get up to no good!"

Rumi: Oh Y/N I'm so happy for you! Hold on- let me just text Wangguk to set up a double date. What you doing this Saturday?

Mangi: another cinnamon roll. Gives you and Taehoon the biggest hug, squeezing the life out of you whilst Taehoon is just glaring, gearing up to give him a kick. So so happy for you, wishes you guys a lifetime of happiness (woah, steady on Mangi we've just gotten together!!) and that you are as happy as him and his girlfriend <3

Yeonwoo: You've always been nice and sweet to him. So you and Taehoon? Together? You're making this lil genius's brain hurt. Of course he'll congratulate the both of you, he's too polite to do otherwise. But his protective side flares up to make sure Taehoon treats you right.

Gyeoul: Who fucking cares

Taehoon finding out about everyone finding out: Headaches all around. What the fuck is wrong with these losers? Gets inundated with questions about you and their relationship. "Bastard that's none of your business", "Ask more questions if you want to die".

Temporarily wonders if this is worth it, but then looks at you and ok. Maybe it is. "Fuck, I'm so cringe I'm going to kick my own ass"

[chewiiez]

idol! idol! idol au part two!

let’s actually discuss the jw scandal, since everyone was curious (✯ᴗ✯)

in the original tgcf, we know that one of the main ways jw manipulated/tortured xie lian was through isolation! the xianle war being a indirect factor into making mq leave, and fx being forced to leave by xl because he was in such a bad state mentally due to the hallucinations. hc has to leave, too, because he was but a mere ghost flame. in those weakest times, was when xie lian truly lost his sanity, was tortured beyond belief. and that’s the sort of route i want to take with this au.

let’s reiterate: on the survival show, because the unfolding of events there is super important. mu qing being brought back was a great decision for most, but for some toxic ot3 stans, he becomes their punching bag. to isolate xie lian, jw takes the first step: getting the other members out of the picture! and with his ceo fingers, he strings together a bullying scandal.

if you don’t follow kpop or other idol industries, a bullying scandal is basically your reputation in the mud. bullying scandals have ruined so many idols’ lives, especially the false ones. dispatch, paparazzi, will post whatever clout they have, and netizens will devour it, and proceed to harass said idol. to create a false scandal would mean that jw has guaranteed mq’s exit ticket, because him staying in the group would affect their reputation. remember the shackle on mq’s wrist? yeah, with a few threats to the other member’s safety, jw manages to make mq leave the group. 

and just like in tgcf, mq soon becomes hated by the other 3 members, because yeah, the scandal, proof, and fabricated texts looked legit. and finding a lawyer…was tough. soon, mq’s insta is gone, and any support for him (except for a few of his genuine stans) is wiped off the timeline. all we see is #justiceforx3 and #kickmqout trending. 

following the canon order, feng xin is next. another toxic part of idol culture is diets. and my headstrong belief is that feng xin would say “fuck you” to the diets and build his muscle his way. (diets can be interpreted as the cultivation method xl+mq were on, too.) when jw threatens him, and forces a same fate on feng xin, feng xin realizes he must leave: to make sure he can still stay in contact with xl, redeem himself and talk to mq, and file a fucking lawsuit. because no way in hell is fx letting jw off the hook. i haven’t developed this part yet, but thinking about fx hinting at hc about how something is wrong, and hc catching on to jw’s sus behaviour. 

x4 is no more. jw has almost succeeded. the only thing blocking his way? gege’s #1 believer, hua cheng. threats don’t work on this guy. hc alerts xl, who isn’t stupid, guys. he pretends to play along, but is really secretly recording all these conversations as proof to present in court. 

meanwhile, fx meets with a solemn mq, who refuses to talk to him, or do anything idol related. he finds that mq’s mom died, which put him in an even worse situation. like every post-canon tongulu fix-it, fx slowly realizes his mistakes, but mq also realizes his lack of communication. a slow romance is perhaps in the works, but the more important part? saving xl. once mq is let in on the plan, he reveals every small detail he’s collected, from evidence proving him innocent, and snippets of conversations he recorded, to strict, unfair, diets. 

and just as xl is about to finalize the details of his solo contract, hc whisks him away (with full consent). A very controversial figure has sent some data to dispatch, and the shit has hit the fan, because suddenly the mq stans are out of hiding, with full reciepts. a once-in-a-lifetime event occurs, where fxmq stans bond together to make threads upon threads of mistreatment. oddly anonymous accounts leak texts, voice snippets, and other proof of fake bullying scandals and the general mistreatment x4 has faced: whether it be line distributions, restrictions, or other things. it is a chaos. bad for jw, but just amazing for x4.

jw is arrested, held at trial where he pleads guilty. jail, jail. #weloveyoumq, #weloveyoufx, #weloveyouxl, #weloveyouhc are the top 4 trending tags. #foureverswithx4 is everywhere. x4 mends their relationship tentatively, they reopen their social media, and sign contracts under YH entertainment, the same producer on their survival show, Yushi Huang’s company. 

XI4NLE is back, better than ever.

and that’s the jw scandal (*´ω｀*) wdym i spent a lifetime on this haha...ofc not...

next is song recs and lime distributions, as well as dynamics :D

[miniwrites1]

In the Shadow of Azkaban - Dark!Sebastian Sallow (Part 3)

Word Count - 1k

Themes - Angst

Warnings - Death

Sebastian smiled as he walked out of the gates of Azkaban for the first time. He was finally a free man. It had taken months of planning and grovelling to the guards for extra duties but he’d made it out alive, with most of his sanity still intact. He knew however that a small part of him had died inside that place, his humanity had been tarnished by the dementors kiss and permanently transformed into a lack of feeling anything. He couldn’t feel happiness, compassion, love, he could only feel hate and as he took the first few steps away from the gate towards the guard who would apparate him back to the mainland, all he could feel was his anger growing into pure, unwavering rage. He was ready to find you, and as he landed back in London he knew exactly where to start looking.

The first visit that he made was to the Gaunt household, softly knocking on the door only to be greeted by a young woman with mousy brown hair. She gave him a small smile as she opened the door, however that smile quickly fell as she recognised him.

“Hell-oh.” She spoke, a startled tone present in her voice, she took a quick step back from the door. Knowing that he’d been recognised, Sebastian pushed his way through the door casting the woman to the side. Even without a wand, Sebastian was strong. He’d tried to improve himself while locked away, it was the only tool he had to keep him mind active. The woman let out a yelp as she hit the floor, scrambling away from him, dropping her wand in the process. He paid her no mind, only pausing to pick up her discarded elm wand before continuing up the stairs in front of the door in search for his ex-best friend.

He heard Ominis in his study, a magic quill hurriedly scribbling away on a piece of parchment as he dictated what he needed to be written. Pressing his ear against the door, he tried to listen to Ominis’ words.

“You must leave now; he’s been freed from Azkaban. I believe you are in grave danger.” Sebastian hummed in amusement, you were still in contact with Ominis and if he was sending you an owl then he must know where you are. Sebastian swung the door open, almost knocking it from its hinges with the force he used, causing it to make a large crash against the wall. Ominis jumped at the sound.

“Hello Ominis.” Sebastian snarled with gritted teeth, stepping into the room and slamming the door behind him, blocking Ominis’ only exit. Ominis sighed, ceasing the quill from writing any further.

“Hello Sebastian, to what do I owe the pleasure?” Ominis replied, trying to remain calm even though panic was setting in.

 He felt around on his desk for his wand, it should have been in its normal place, two inches to the left of where he sat however it was missing.

“Are you looking for something?” Sebastian quipped, a small laugh escaping his throat, he sounded manic. Ominis’ eyes grew wide, even though he couldn’t see Sebastian, he knew what he’d done.

“Give me back my wand Sebastian.” Ominis spoke, rising from his seat, attempting to follow the sound of where Sebastian’s voice had come from. As he stood, he felt a pointed wand tip press against his back. He closed his eyes, squeezing them shut tightly, taking a sense of comfort in the fact that he couldn’t see what was about to happen.

“Are you scared?” Sebastian asked softly, a threatening undertone to his voice. Ominis held his breath, waiting for the impact of what was about to happen, he didn’t expect to be tackled to the ground by his wife as Sebastian drew the wand back to cast.

“Crucio.” Sebastian spoke harshly, only realising when it was too late that his target was not the one that he had intended. The woman from earlier had pushed Ominis out of the way, taking the unforgivable for herself. He screams echoed throughout the Gaunt home. Sebastian could only hope that they hadn’t carried out onto the street.

“What have you done?” Ominis yelled over the sound of the woman’s screams. “She’s my wife Sebastian!”

Sebastian smiled; a calculated grin would have been a better fitting word. The scene that was unfolding in front of him was perfect, he had Ominis exactly where he wanted him.

“Where is she?” He spoke coldly, Ominis didn’t respond. Instead paying attention to his wife who was writing in pain on the floor. Sebastian sighed, counting to three in his head. He hated being ignored. He grabbed the back of Ominis’ neck and dragged him away from his whimpering wife, throwing him across to the other side of the room, a satisfying thud sounded as he hit the floor.

“I said where is she?” Sebastian asked again, aiming his wand at Ominis who was still recovering from the impact of his body hitting the floor. He couldn’t tell what way was up or down so trying to orient himself was a struggle.

“I don’t know.” He replied, Sebastian knew it was a lie. Sebastian fired off another spell behind him, another Cruciatus curse hit Ominis’ wife whose screams echoed through the house once again. Sebastian saw Ominis begin to shake, knowing that he wouldn’t be able to hold out much longer. Sebastian had found his weakness. His wife.

“I won’t ask you again, tell me where (Y/N) is or she dies.” He spat, aiming again at Ominis’ wife. She began to beg and plead for her life; the thought of death so imminently possible frightening her.

“Just tell him Ominis.” She cried out, cowering on the floor, small whimpers still escaping her lips. Ominis’ face fell, he knew what Sebastian was capable of, if anything he’d aided him in becoming this way.

“She’s at Hogwarts.” Ominis said softly, trying to reach his hand out to his wife for reassurance. He felt her soft skin tough his fingertips as he grasped hold of her hand.

“Thank you Ominis, I’m sorry it has to be this way.” Sebastian said coldly, wand focussed on Ominis. “Avada Kedavra.”

[eyeslikewatercoolers]

“When was the last time you slept?” For sashnetra please?

Sorry this took so long for me to get out!! D: The only idea that I had for this prompt was within the Wedding Planner AU, which has been on my mind SO MUCH lately. But here's some college-age Sashnetra for a change!

(Also I barely proofread this lmao)

"When was the last time you slept?"

"It's been, uh- It's been a while, I think."

"That didn't answer my question. When was the last time you slept?"

"...I don't remember."

The fun part of sleep deprivation was long gone for Anetra. When you pull an all-nighter and stay up throughout the day. Everything is hilarious and you can't stop laughing at the simplest things.

Then after a good night of sleep, you felt great again, no energy drink needed. It was fine to deal with every once in a while, but not day after day for the entirety of fall break.

Sasha was still standing in the entryway of their apartment, her suitcase still had the paper tag attached from the airline. Anetra knew her girlfriend was excited to go on the study abroad trip to Thailand for the whole semester. Sasha's school breaks usually consisted of studying and crashing on friends' couches.

"I left on Wednesday before classes got out. Have you not actually had real sleep since then?" Sasha asked, arms crossed but held concern in her eyes.

Anetra felt like a small child in trouble. Her short-term memory felt like it was shot from her lack of sleep. She may have passed out on the couch for a few minutes at a time, but sleeping the whole night in her bed?

That hadn't happened since she last saw Sasha.

Anetra shook her head, feeling like tears were threatening behind her eyes. "I can't sleep. I've tried everything, but I can't,"

She never felt so over-dramatic. Her girlfriend was just on a plane for several hours, stuffed in an economy seat and dealing with exhaustion and jet lag.

And here Anetra was, whining about not being able to function like a normal human when she was at home all week.

Sasha left her suitcase and tote bag she used as a carry-on for the flight by the door as she rushed to sit next to Anetra. She wrapped both arms around her waist and held tight, "What's the matter, baby?"

Anetra felt like she could melt when Sasha held her like that. All the stress from the past week was about to wash away and she could just enjoy her time again with her girlfriend. She opened her mouth to start to explain why she couldn't sleep, but the ringtone from her cell phone chirped instead.

Tears started leaking out of Anetra's eyes, she knew exactly who was calling her. "She won't leave me alone. I didn't go spend Thanksgiving at her house and now she's blowing up my phone."

"Can I? I won't answer it, I promise." Sasha asked permission for Anetra's phone, glancing at it on the table. Anetra nodded, her cell phone felt like it was mocking her last bit of sanity.

Sasha already knew the passcode, unfortunately, this wasn't the first time this had happened. She scrolled through the call log history and the long thread of text messages, most unanswered. The messages read in tone anywhere from kind and caring to horribly malicious.

"She's been doing this since Monday?" Sasha asked in surprise.

Anetra nodded, wiping her tears with the back of her hand, "I can't deal with her anymore. I told her so many times that I was done, but she keeps using the 'But we're family!' excuse" she said in a mocking voice.

Sasha sighed, putting the phone face down. "I think it's time to block her number."

"But she's-" Anetra started, but Sasha was quick to interrupt.

"I know it's your mom, but she's pushing way past your boundaries," Sasha said as Anetra's face fell more. "Listen, I know it's going to be hard, but you can't let her keep doing this to you."

Anetra stared at her phone, seeing it vibrate with a new text message. "I don't know if I'm ready," she said in a small voice.

Sasha thought for a moment, "What about you turn off your phone, and try to get some sleep. Then you can decide if you're ready," Sasha suggested.

The younger woman pursed her lips but nodded, "I can do that," she pressed the power button until the black screen took over the cell phone.

"Come on, I'm jet-lagged as hell. We could probably both use a good nap." Sasha stood up and held out her hand for Anetra to follow her to the bedroom.

Anetra didn't realize that she was grateful for Sasha to guide her to the bedroom until the room was spinning and there were two doors in front of her. She walked slowly as she held tight to Sasha's hand, without her, Anetra was pretty sure she'd be on the floor by now.

Pretty soon, they were both under the duvet, and Anetra's head was nestled on Sasha's chest. She felt long fingers run from the top of her scalp, all the way to her split ends. Anetra drifted off to sleep with the sound of the cars outside and Sasha's steady heartbeat.

She didn't have to face anything she wasn't ready for. Whatever she would have to deal with whenever she woke up, it was all going to be for the better.

[starlight-edith]

Welcome to my blog!

About:

• Edith / Esther / אֶסְתֵּר

• 19 (10/04)

• Abrosexual & Abrogender but functionally cishet lol

• Physically disabled - cerebral palsy (prof dx)

• LDS but still also Jewish (it’s complicated)

• “Evil Zionist” but avoiding the war as much as possible for my own sanity

• Fandoms: Star Trek but only the ones up to Enterprise, the new ones can die (except Elnor my beloved), Stargate but not universe (need to rewatch that one I don’t remember anything about it), Redwall, The Wheel of Time

-

Boundaries:

• Hugs - Ask

• Flirting - Not unless you’re like super serious about it

• Petnames - No

• DMs - Be nice you heathens!! But sure

• Asks - Yes

• Tags - Yes (though I may not reply if it’s a tag game and I’m low on spoons.)

DNI: Transphobes, people that think gooding isn’t a good uhura because they’re “ugly” (aka colorism and transphobia), antisemites, do not sexualize me even as a joke or I will block you

Bookmarks:

Resources

My Art

My Writing

Tarot Readings (Pricing tbd, will do upon request at whatever price for now)

Commissions (coming soon)

Common Tags:

#Edith Rambles - My original posts

#Star Trek Posting - Posts about Star Trek

#Worm Enthusiasm - posts about worm farming or other worm stuff

#vocaloid posting - posts about vocaloid

#stargate posting - posts about Stargate

#Clockwork Queue - my Queue tag — if you see a lot of this I’ve left tumblr again lol

#On the war - anything related to I/P

Miscellaneous:

Discord - starlight_edith

On the War:

My family lives in Israel. I love my family. They do not deserve to die. Most Israelis do not support Netanyahu unequivocally. I support a two state solution. I do not support the protests on college campuses as they are actively endangering not only Jewish students but everyone else too (at UNM they destroyed property, threatened and harassed innocent people, and committed public indecency. On other campuses they did all this AND were physically violent.) You do any of this stuff and the cause goes out the window. These protests are actively harming Palestinians by supporting Hamas and preventing peace.

[upsidedownwithsteve]

(this is responding to the post u just reblogged)

i’m guilty of asking someone why i was blocked before bc i genuinely had no idea why i was. my age was on my blog, it wasn’t blank, all that and i asked but in the most kind way possible, and i told them they don’t owe me an explanation but that i am an overthinker and would like to know what i did or what was wrong w my blog so that i could fix it so me getting blocked for the same reason on someone else’s blog, doesn’t happen. And i genuinely liked their blog and it turned out to be a misunderstanding the whole time on the writers part. misunderstandings happen and ppl overthink 😭 but for the most part i do agree that nobody should be harassing blogs or giving their negative opinions on being blocked bc at the end of the day it is YOUR blog and you can block whoever, but me personally i don’t mind telling ppl what they did wrong so they can either tell me it’s a misunderstanding on my part or just to help them out a little so they don’t get blocked by the next blog

I think that’s fair to an extent! I totally understand overthinking and misunderstandings occurring but I also feel that there’s a high chance you’re putting the blog in an uncomfortable position with asking the question, as polite as some people may be about it.

idk, I think I just feel pretty strongly about it all rn. I know for a fact the people I’ve blocked (for very, very good reason) are still lurking on my page, sending anonymous hate from burner accounts etc. and this hate is getting nasty and threatening. the blogs I’ve blocked were for the sake of my own sanity but I do understand your point of view! 🧡

[dread-and-despair-dyke]

Things got weird with that borderline tumblr person I was messaging. They blocked me on discord but was still mutuals w me on tumblr. I kept talking to them out of extreme boredom even tho I really should have just blocked them but. I am unwell. I am way too attached to abusive and unstable people. Like it sickens me bc I don't wanna be that way and I put myself in danger all the time. Like I don't know what the fuck is wrong with me. When I told my therapist about everything she stared at me with this look lol. Not a good sign. Like what's wrong with me. Anyway they told me they had feelings for me but. I literally do not want to e date random tumblr people so I rejected them but yeah. Kind of irredeemable. I liked them as a friend kinda cause they matched my freak but I think they should stay the hell away from me for my sanity. They asked if I was laughing at them and messing with them and all. And I'm sure you know how that went. I just feel fundamentally broken like. It's literally dangerous how I associate with these types of people. Like it's the borderlines. I'm so mental. Sometimes I suspect I'm borderline myself except I'm like. More normal and I don't do things like accusing people and threatening to kill myself. Anyway whatever. I feel absolutely insane and pathetic.

-🍱

hii sorry its been almost a month 😭 its just me and my uh. taking 100 years to get around to replying but

i dont understand a person like that, who hardly know you at all and immediately treats u in such a way, but say theyre attached to you.. i think perhaps it is a 'bpd' thing though god knows whether these diagnoses are real in the first place

my therapist (newly acquired) also stares at me like this about whatever i tell her but ive decided im doing my own thing

its not insane or pathetic i think... we are all just trying to find people who will make good company for us.. there are always more people online :)

[decaysol]

You can't have a right view on life if you're dehydrated and hungry and not well slept.

I'm almost 30 and still struggling w this BS bc I never really cared about my own life since I was a teen

3 years of depression from lifelong social anxiety and delusions and I barely want to live again now, and now w some more friends and being more relaxed from spirituality knowldege and giving subzero shits, it's been cooler to see everyone also struggling like shit in a realistic way over survival and things and it's just like any other people and just like myself and just like expected, rolling with things that come up, depending on everyone else, neverending tasks. It's not as bleak as it seems and survival can be invigorating amidst some boredom. I really think it would be worse worse in a way that threatened death and it does sometimes but not like I imagined.

Anyways. I tend to struggle with thinking straight in a daytime, worrying about perspectives and the future and values etc and not doing anything else, and it got fixed with a huge bowl warm noodle soup. I forget there is a life and hope until I do have my stomach filled, or until the sun goes down. It's wild. Suddenly I remember I dont have to be tense or care about that much and life is as random and predictable as a plinko machine. There is a version of me that remembers how to live a functional life in society, and then there's my distressed and anxious online addicted personality that leaked to my real life. I've been trying to merge them but it seems I should delete the nonfunctional side instead. Values and opinions and feelings are very important in real life to actually live life. On the internet less so. When I am away from people irl it's imperative that I don't think of anyone else but my own rejuvenation and prep and rest and review. The phone is a creeping cancer in that regard, so much so I dissociated from my needs.

It tried to get a friend to go out w me for ice cream since the other friend I tend to hang out with blocked me lol. He wanted to play board games and showed me his gym progress. Which is kinda hot but I'm keeping my opinions to myself. Also gives me muscle envy but am also keeping that opinion to myself because I feel bad about not working hard at that.

I think of making my business thing again but I also need an office job for my sanity and experience and socialisation. Or do I? How do I want to live and how is the best way? I hope I don't stress myself with life ideals again and only focus on what I can do irl every moment. There's lots of opportunities and experiences to be get.

Anyways today has been a day. I compulsively watched my spiritual guru videos instead of meditating, I had lots of naps to stay sane and had half a dose of 50mg sertraline at midnight. Tomorrow take a walk in the morning, eat well, drink lots and try exercise and work on things again. Take note of energy levels instead of scrolling. Take steps to earn money. I need to start my life marathon again. Incremental improvement tracking.

[j-graysonlibrary]

Silverfalls Court Chapter 17

Title: Silverfalls Court

Author: Jay Grayson

Word Count: 50K

Genres: drama, suspense, who-done-it, LGBT+

Available on: Kobo and my website

Synopsis: A young girl, lost in the bliss of her first relationship, will do anything in the pursuit of what she believes is true love—even sneaking out of her house in the dead of night. Unfortunately, she is met by someone she didn’t quite expect. Her fight or flight instincts kick in but she in no match for the killer in the woods.

And her death won’t be the only one.

The once peaceful and quaint neighborhood of Silverfalls Court is thrown into chaos and upheaval when bodies keep showing up in the woods. When it becomes apparent that the murderer must be one of them, suspicions grow thick and trust is shattered.

Some, like Lisa-Marie Castel, want to play detective and solve the case on their own while others, like Dominique Pulmer, want to keep their heads down and wait for things to return to normal. Some might even wish to capitalize on the bizarre nature of the story while those who have been personally affected are left to pick up the broken pieces of their lives amidst the chaos.

Full chapter 17 under the cut:

17. Freedom and Doubt

The boards on the window blocked out most light from the outside so, if it weren’t for the alarm clock on her bedside table, Victoria wouldn’t have been able to tell what time it was. Even being able to see the number on the digital display, she doubted the validity of it.

It had been a few days, so she’d been told, but it felt like a month—easily. She’d tried keeping proper track of the time on her own by keeping count of her meals but that stopped being reliable very quickly. According to the clock, her meal times would range—sometimes by hours.

Most of the time, she tried sleeping. Surely, that would cut down on the anxiety that swelled in her, she thought.

Victoria quickly learned, however, that didn’t help. In fact, taking long naps seemed to mess with her already deteriorating sense of time and her sanity.

She wasn’t sure when it happened but she guessed somewhere around day two, she began to see the thin outline of Leigh in her room. When she appeared to come from inside of her closet, Victoria even let out a laugh. She didn’t attempt to talk to her though since she knew she must have been a hallucination.

It wasn’t the first time she’d seen something that wasn’t supposed to be there. All throughout her previous year of high school, she’d sometimes see figures in the corner of her eyes or hear her name being whispered when it wasn’t. She’d just never seen anything so solid looking before witnessing Leigh.

But, Victoria supposed, her brain had nothing else to do so it must have been trying to entertain itself. Only, in the most harmful way possible.

Knowing Leigh was a hallucination, knowing she wasn’t real, Victoria still broke down into tears. She recalled when she first met her at the beginning of the school year and how quickly they became close.

Her memories of her started to cause the hallucination to become even more lifelike. Each detail about her face that she remembered was filled in or added to the image before her. Her dark brown eyes with the mole at the corner of her left eye, her faint scar across her forehead from a childhood accident, her painted nails and patented three hundred dollar pair of boots that she begged her parents for.

Victoria smiled through her tears. She remembered first talking to Leigh and how shy she was. Victoria wasn’t used to being the one who had to initiate conversations but, with her, she was the one always talking. Leigh just smiled and nodded, occasionally commenting how cool she thought Victoria was.

There wasn’t anything particularly spectacular Victoria did around her—she didn’t think anyway. Leigh came from a state over so she was new to the school and didn’t know anyone. All she heard about Victoria were the nasty rumors that she beat other kids up and threatened to stab the principal. Those things were all, technically, true but hugely exaggerated.

Leigh found those stories cool instead of shrinking away from her. She immediately believed that whoever it was that Victoria “beat up” must have deserved it. The same sentiment was shared when it came to the stabbing comment.

In all of her life, Victoria had never met someone who looked at her the way Leigh did. Her eyes lit up and sparkled when she regarded her and something about that made Victoria’s heart feel incredibly…heavy. She liked the attention, obviously, and she found Leigh to be very pretty as well as funny and interesting—even if she didn’t talk about herself much. There was an invisible string that pulled them closer and while she didn’t want to fight it, Victoria knew how much trouble they’d be in if they just went with the flow of things.

There was no future where they could just date and everything would work out. Other students would come after them, teachers would come after them, their parents…

She didn’t even want to think about what would happen if her father found out.

So, Victoria suggested they only meet up in private—out in the woods at night where no one would find them. It was a bit awkward to arrange but they found a place that worked for the both of them. There, they had their first date at midnight, under a new moon where neither could see the other well at all.

On the second date, they wised up and brought a flashlight.

But the night Leigh died, Victoria was supposed to meet with her. She, instead, got in trouble for failing a test and had to stay in her room to study. Her phone was taken from her and, quite like her present predicament, she was locked in her room for the night. Granted, there were no boards on her window or padlock on her door but she still felt like a prisoner.

She never got a chance to call Leigh and tell her that the date was off. But Leigh had clearly met with someone…someone in the neighborhood who would go on to kill others.

It wasn’t her though. Victoria stared at the hallucination of Leigh while tears streamed down her face. “It wasn’t me,” she whispered for what felt like the millionth time, “You know it, right? It wasn’t…me…”

The unmistakable sound of the padlock being removed from her door made the image of Leigh start to vanish. Victoria frowned and looked to the side, expecting one of her daily meals.

Instead, her father walked in without any food in his hands. He looked at her for a long moment before sighing. “Victoria…”

She scooted away from him, unsure she liked where he was going with the tone in his voice. He was always so difficult to read—even after eighteen years of knowing him.

“There was another murder,” he said after another too long pause. In his hand, he held the padlock from the door. “You’ve been officially cleared. I’m sorry about locking you in here. I really am.”

Victoria wanted to default to yelling and rubbing the truth in his face but she didn’t have the energy for it. “Who died?” she asked instead.

Her father kneeled down beside her and took a moment before looking her in the eye. They shared the same color irises—while Victoria’s mother and sister both had blue eyes, she and her father’s were dark green.

“Brandon.” He sighed again. “It seems he and Lisa-Marie were behind everything. But…Brandon felt too guilty and he confessed to killing Lamar. Lisa-Marie had to kill him to shut him up but the police found Lamar’s body so she was taken away. Everything should go back to normal now…”

Victoria frowned. Maybe some of them could get back to normal but Serena wouldn’t get her little brother back. No one would be able to look at the Vick’s or Mrs. Winter’s empty houses without remembering what happened. And she certainly wasn’t going to forget any time soon what days of being locked in her room was like—or how her family had turned their backs on her so quickly.

“…So can I leave?”

Her father nodded. “You’re free to go. I’ll take the boards off your window too. Just…” He paused and stared at her for a long beat, “Don’t tell anyone at school or outside of the neighborhood what happened, okay?”

Victoria stood up from the ground and grumbled, “Wasn’t gonna.”

“I know,” her father said and followed her up, “Your mother was just worried about it. I know you understand things much more than she gives you credit for.”

“And Madison?” she decided to ask, “Is she still terrified of me?”

He smiled a little but it dropped in an instant. “Maybe give her some time. She’s still young and confused about everything.”

“Not that young,” Victoria muttered. Her little sister had probably had a great time with her locked away. She bet she pretended she was an only child.

“Well…still. Just, let her be for now.” Her father patted her on the back as they left the room.

She always hated when he made physical contact with her. There was no particular reason and she didn’t especially love when her mom touched her either but there was something about her father’s touch that made her skin crawl. Especially lately. As if, the older she got, the more he expected her to just be alright with him being an active part in her life when he’d all but ignored her in her earlier years.

“So if I’m leaving Madison alone,” Victoria said and walked faster to get away from his hand, “Then I’m going across the street.”

Her father started to grimace but then responded, “Going to see your friends?”

“Yeah. Miss Rosello won’t let me get into any trouble.”

Thankfully, he didn’t call after her or grab her so she was able to flee the damned house.

The fresh air was powerful though filled with pollen. Even the tears that prickled her eyes from her allergies were, somehow, a nice feeling. The sun bore down on her and she could hear birds chirping in the distance. Victoria had never been one for the outdoors but now she almost wanted to stay outside all day.

After soaking in the rays for a few minutes, she continued on to her planned destination. She knocked on the Rosello’s door and waited, excited to see anyone who wasn’t a part of her family.

Miss Rosello opened the door and her eyes widened immediately. “Victoria…are you okay?”

She let her into the house and placed an arm around her. Somehow, her touch didn’t bother Victoria in the least.

They moved to the living room where they were immediately joined by Claire and Miguel. Both looked surprised to see her but neither seemed scared.

“Do you need something to eat? Somewhere to sleep for tonight?” Polly asked as she scanned over Victoria’s face, searching for signs of illness or wear.

“If I could stay here tonight and have dinner with you, that’d be great.”

Footsteps hurried down the stairs and, before Victoria could even brace herself for it, Serena was in her arms. “I’m so happy you’re okay. I was starting to worry what they’d done to you!”

“Did you guys think they killed me or something?” Victoria asked, genuinely curious.

“We weren’t sure,” Claire answered, “We didn’t think we could trust anyone.”

“Plus we knew Brandon had been going over to your house so we were worried he’d done something to you before Lisa-Marie killed him,” Serena explained and finally put some distance between them.

“Brandon was at my house?” Victoria tilted her head to the side.

“That’s what we saw,” Miguel said.

“Did you not see anyone?” Miss Rosello asked with a frown.

“My father. That’s it. He brought me food.”

“…I should call Jumin,” Serena muttered before walking off.

Victoria looked to the two youngest Rosellos and asked, “You said you saw Mr. Castel go to my house?”

Miguel nodded. “A few days ago I watched him as he walked over there. I told Claire and Miss Conner…we assumed he was asking you questions for Lisa-Marie.”

The idea was so bizarre, she almost couldn’t believe it. But Miguel and Claire wouldn’t be saying it unless they’d actually seen it. Unlike her own younger sibling, they were actually reliable.

But her father never mentioned Brandon coming by so either he also didn’t know or he was keeping something secret. The thought of her mother and Brandon having an affair came to mind but it made no sense so she disregarded it. Her mother was no Lisa-Marie in terms of looks and Brandon always struck her as a bit on the shallow side.

So it had to have been her father that he was coming over to see. But what had they spoken about if it had nothing to do with her?

“Perhaps he was just getting a status report from your father about you,” Polly offered, almost as if she’d been reading her mind.

Victoria shrugged. It was possible but something still felt wrong when she lingered on the thought. She needed to discuss things with Serena and Jumin. It had been too long since they’d gotten to go over the facts of the case and now there were a lot more to review.

Jumin walked in with Serena and he had Suri at his side. Both of them looked to Victoria with relief clear on their faces.

She smiled a little, feeling some level of release as well. She hadn’t expected her friends to be so worried about her and she was glad to see that some of her assumptions were, in fact, wrong. They did care—really care.

“Let’s talk outback,” she suggested and they nodded.

Claire and Miguel stayed inside to help their mother with something while the rest of them walked out and close by Miss Conner’s fence. She was a smart woman who would be a great option to bounce ideas off of so they kept within range of her backdoor in hopes of flagging her over.

But, until that opportunity came upon them, they laid out what they knew already.

“The first victim was Leigh,” Victoria said with a heavy sigh, “She was killed in the woods when she was coming to try and meet with me…”

“Madison was right then…” Jumin frowned. “You were sneaking out to meet her…”

“Why?” Suri followed up and cocked her head to the side.

Victoria hadn’t said it aloud to anyone but she knew she needed to. “Leigh and I were dating. We were…keeping it secret.”

Serena rested her hand on her friend’s shoulder. “I’m so sorry, Vicky…”

“I had no idea…” Jumin mumbled. “You really like girls?”

“Jumin!” Serena scolded.

“Sorry…” He raised his hands up but continued on, “So, either Lisa-Marie or Brandon…maybe even both…met Leigh in the woods and killed her.”

“After her was Peter…” Serena said solemnly, “I still don’t know how it happened. We were all together and we went home as a group.”

“He had to have gone back out,” Suri stated, “And he was met in the woods by the Castels. They usually stay out after their parties to clean up anyway so they would have been around.”

“True,” Victoria replied, “But why was Susan Vick next?”

“Jealousy maybe?” Jumin suggested and shrugged. “Lisa-Marie was used to being the pretty, young, weird girl and Susan was kind of taking some of that attention away from her.”

“That’s petty but not impossible.” Serena rubbed her chin. “And we know a man was seen around the Vick’s house so Brandon clearly did that one. We also know what happened with Lamar.”

“They could have ended it there though,” Jumin pointed out, “But I guess they didn’t want to risk Mrs. Winter telling everyone about the man she saw?”

“I don’t know how that information even got to them though,” Serena responded, “I didn’t tell anyone…”

Victoria’s shoulder’s sagged and she sighed. “I…told Madison. I didn’t think she’d blab it to anyone but clearly I was wrong.”

“Oh so the tattle-tell told Lisa-Marie,” Suri said with a frown. “This is why I don’t talk to her at school.”

They all shared a chuckle but quickly got back to business. “Then, after Mrs. Winter, you were blamed,” Serena said and pointed to Victoria, “but thank God Mr. Pulmer decided to push the Castel’s on the Lamar issue.”

“And Lisa-Marie killed her husband before he could confess to the other murders,” Jumin attempted to wrap it up.

Victoria still frowned and didn’t believe the pieces fell into place. Logically, she could follow everything and it seemed correct but her gut told her otherwise. “Let’s just…go over things again and more slowly. And with as much detail as we can remember.”

The others looked at her and silently nodded. They’d be at it for a while but all of them were determined. After what had happened, it wasn’t safe to just accept that the killer was caught and that peace had been restored. Especially not when some of their neighbors had died because of premature relief already.

No, they had to be certain.

[peacehopeandrats]

Wait... is that... is that YOU?

Yeah, I'm still around, just avoiding social while the stress of certain summer events and the first weeks of school threaten my sanity. I'm enjoying life, but I am SPENT every day when I come home.

I have gotten some writing done in that time, though. Almost finished with MITS, and on top of that, I created a fun little short thing that should be going up today, after I have work and a couple of meetings that have nothing to do with work at all.

Remind me again why I agree to do stuff with folks when all I want to do is relax? I belong to too many clubs and groups... says the person trying to join at least two more in a month's time.

Anyway, I'm around. Sorry for the apparent secrecy of the post, I'm in a rush. Hit me with questions, comments, or just random chatter. I'm gonna be able to check back here more often now and it beats coming in just to block 100 blank port bots.]

[imalifegen89]

I posted 39 times in 2022

22 posts created (56%)

17 posts reblogged (44%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@malecloveforever

@stephmcx

@raziyekroos

@brightasstars

@imalifegen89

I tagged 36 of my posts in 2022

Only 8% of my posts had no tags

#alexander lightwood - 21 posts

#magnus bane - 19 posts

#shadowhunters - 19 posts

#my writing - 19 posts

#alec lightwood - 18 posts

#ao3fic - 17 posts

#dragon au - 15 posts

#fanfic - 9 posts

#ao3 fanfic - 8 posts

#malec - 7 posts

Longest Tag: 20 characters

#image upload manager

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

Fostered Souls - Chapter 11

1 note - Posted April 7, 2022

#4

Fostered Souls - Chapter 8

1 note - Posted March 25, 2022

#3

Fic Banners

The Roads We Take - Part II of The Homecoming series.

1 note - Posted September 20, 2022

#2

2 notes - Posted May 23, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

A sneak-peak on a Malec fic I'm working on...

What if he couldn’t get free? What if they never came back for him? Have they forgotten him? Left him down here for good like yesterdays trash? Did anyone at the institute know about any of this? What if the demons got to him first?

What if…

What if…

What if…

A wave of unanswerable questions and crippling emotions bombarded him, merciless and nonstop, threatening his fragile hold on clarity, therefore, sanity.

“Calm down, Alec,” he started talking out loud. If anything, the sound of his own voice would keep him company in this dark, musty hovel. “Deep breaths. Think this through.”

‘What else is there to think of?’ That bastard of a voice in his mind was back.

“Shut up.” Alce spat out.

He pushed all the panic out of his mind as best he could, clearing out all the conflicting thoughts and emotions. There was still one thing he could do. He slowed his breathing to centre himself and focused.

The bond between him and Jace solidified in his mind, gold and red, woven tether that represented their shared souls, connecting him and Jace forever. He opened himself fully to the connection and gave everything in him to it.

He could sense his parabatai. He wasn’t far away. He was alive and as far as the link was concerned, functional. Alec followed it along, letting his mind pour out through the link, hoping for feedback.

He got feedback.

Just not the one he was hoping and praying for. It was as if had run headfirst into a solid wall. A wall that was full of vicious, sharp pikes, a wall that spat out flames when touched. His tentative mind-touch was enough for the blocking wall to react in the most violent manner, stabbing him with those spikes and spewing fire to burn him.

Alec screamed.

His mind snapped back to him like lightning, giving his entire body a painful backlash and jerking him against his restraints. His already bad headache went into excruciating levels he couldn’t contain and his vision whited out, plunging him to blackness.

Alec didn’t know how long it took for him to wake up for the second time. His condition was much worse when he finally surfaced. He felt a metallic taste on his tongue and wet warmth on his lips, a nose-bleed to add to his list of injuries. He kept his head down and eyes closed, breathing through the pain, trying his damnedest not to think about how much it hurt to be rejected, to be so viciously repelled by the very person who had a piece of his soul.

5 notes - Posted January 20, 2022

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