#but the plot in this one is less angsty than i usually go for!!! so

[yellowlaboratory]

I just need to say thank you. Your memories and misadventures fic is so fricking good. Even though it being the first jiara fic I've ever read, it has really been my favorite. I just read the next chapter and you don't know how much joy it brings me. I can not wait for the next chapter, whenever that will be. But i just had to go on here and tell you that it is really amazing 😍😍😍

anon i am honored that memories and misadventures was your first jiara fic 💛💛💛 and i love to hear that it brings you joy askdjfhlaksjfd i really just wanted to write several chapters of the Pogues Being Pogues and having a good time sometimes!!!

[zegrasdrysdale]

[ just a fling ] w. johnston

paring: Wyatt Johnston x fem!reader

summary: Wyatt gets mad and insecure when his girlfriend omits the fact she had a fling with Luke Hughes and he finds out through Luke himself on the ice instead of her. some of the Stars (mostly Pavs and Seguin) get involved and try to convince them to talk to save their relationship

warning(s) : asshole!luke (he’s collateral damage sorry), an angry and insecure wyatt, very angsty, language

author’s note : that was the original request, and i tried to write it for joel. i couldn’t do it after trying for weeks so it’s now abt wyatt (after i had spoken w anon). i loved the plot sm i didn’t want to completely abandon it, so here it is for wyatt’s 21st birthday !!

༺═──────────────═༻

Nerves don’t usually get the best of her, but the Stars are playing the Devils in Dallas. It’s not the Devils that she is worried about though.

It’s number 43 on the Devils that she’s worried about. It’s not because she thinks he’ll hurt Wyatt, but because he might tell Wyatt their little secret to get in his head.

No one knows that she once had a summer fling with the youngest Hughes boy.

It was two summers ago when she went to Michigan to spend those warm months with Luke and his brothers at their lakehouse. She always had some feelings for Luke and they hit a breaking point that summer when they started to hookup. He ended everything between them when he left to go back to Michigan for his sophomore season and she came back home to Dallas.

That’s when she met Wyatt when he moved to Dallas for his rookie season. She lived next to the Pavelski’s with her parents and younger brother when they met. She spent a lot of time in that house before she moved into an apartment in downtown Dallas last summer.

She hasn’t spoken to Luke since he left Michigan and didn’t bother telling Wyatt about their fling since it was so insignificant to the both of them. She doesn’t want to acknowledge that it happened.

Her feelings for the defenseman are long gone, replaced by her love for Wyatt Johnston.

She sits with Kate Seguin and Sarah Pavelski in the ninth row off the glass for the game on the side where the Stars did their warmups. She stood at the glass with the wives she came to the game with to support their boys. She has on her playoff jacket from last year to support Wyatt.

If Luke does see her, she wants to make sure he knows that she loves Wyatt. That she’s over him and has been for a while.

The puck drops at center ice and less than twenty seconds later, Wyatt puts the puck into the back of the net. She’s on her feet and cheers for her boyfriend as he gets the scoring started. She pretends to ignore Luke as he skates by and looks at her.

She very much notices.

The crowd settles down and enjoys a 1-0 lead over New Jersey. She can’t stop smiling after Wyatt nets his 25th goal of the season.

“Is there a reason that Luke Hughes glared at you like that when you were celebrating Wyatt’s goal?” Kate asks with curiosity laced in her voice. “There are hundreds of fans he could’ve looked at, but he stared right at you.”

She looks at Kate and says, “I, um, had a thing with Luke a few summers ago. He ended things when he went back to school and I came back home. He told me that I didn’t mean anything to him and that I was the only girl around at the time. I moved on.”

“Does Wyatt know?” Kate questions.

“I didn’t think it was worth mentioning,” she explains. “It was a lifetime ago. Before I even met him. I don’t need to know his history, he doesn’t need to know mine.”

When she looks back the ice, she notices Luke trying to get the puck away from Wyatt. She holds her breath as the puck is kicked out of the corner to Pavs. Wyatt skates away from Luke.

Then Luke says something to Wyatt. Her boyfriend turns back around and looks at Luke. Wyatt shoves Luke and a whistle is blown while the two of them come to blows. It doesn’t turn into an actual fight because they get separated by the referees. There is a lot of shoving and a lot of chirping.

This is the last thing she wanted to happen. Who knows what Luke just said to him?

Whatever was said pissed Wyatt off because he slams the door shut when he gets on the bench. Pavs says something to him and Wyatt motions to the Devils bench, where Luke has just sat down. She bites her bottom lip and holds her breath until the game is over.

Wyatt struggles after scoring the first goal of the night. The Stars as a team struggle throughout the game. They only manage one more goal after Wyatt's.

The buzzer sounds when the clock hits 0:00 after the third period. A lot of the fans have left already as the Devils celebrate their 6-2 win over the Stars. She frowns and makes her way up to the concourse with Kate and Sarah so they can wait for their boys outside.

She's sure DeBoer has a lot to say about the game tonight. The turnovers, the giveaways. They put pucks on net, but only put two past Jake Allen.

Just so Wyatt knows where she's waiting for him, she sends him a text.

to: wy ♡ - 9:54 pm waiting for you outside by the car with sarah and kate. pretty goal tn btw. see you soon <33

It might be a while before Wyatt comes out so she gets comfortable in the passenger's seat of Wyatt's car since he drove them both here to the arena. She scrolls on TikTok while having a conversation with Sarah and Kate. The women alternate sitting in the seat while they wait for the boys.

Kate is about to text Tyler when the doors begin to open. Players walk out in pairs or small ground. Tyler walks out by himself and greets his wife. After greeting Kate with a kiss, he turns his attention to her.

"I'm not sure exactly what happened, but Wyatt isn't very happy with you," Tyler says. "Apparently it has something to do with what Luke Hughes said to him on the ice during their altercation in the first."

Her blood runs colds.

Luke probably told him what happened between them in Michigan. Probably got in his head, which is probably why he struggled after that. It wasn't a secret, but he might see it that way. She didn't think it was worth mentioning to him.

"Thanks," she mumbles as Tyler and Kate walk away from the car.

The door opens again a second later. She notices Wyatt walking with Pavs. They seem to be in a very intense conversation as they leave the building.

"... muication, Wyatt," Joe is saying as they approach the car. "I mean, seriously." Wyatt sighs and looks right at his girlfriend.

Sarah walks up to her husband and they walk away without another word to her or Wyatt.

She smiles at her boyfriend. "You did good tonight," she compliments him. "I thought your goal was nice."

He just rolls his eyes and gets in the car. She pouts and gets into the car herself. Wyatt starts the engine and pulls out of the parking lot.

Not a single word is exchanged between the two of them while he drives toward her apartment. She twirls her thumbs and waits for Wyatt to say something.

If he's really upset with her then he'd tell her, right? Seething doesn't do much.

When it's fifteen minutes later and he pulls up to her apartment, she gets a little worried.

"What did Luke say to you?" she asks as he puts the car in park. "In the first period after you scored."

Wyatt rubs his face and sighs. "It doesn't matter what he said," he says.

"Wyatt-"

"I'll talk to you tomorrow, okay? I'm tired and I don't feel like talking about this right now."

She frowns and nods as she opens the door. "Talk to you tomorrow," she mumbles. As soon as the door is closed, Wyatt drives off. She doesn't even reach the sidewalk before he turns the corner.

Maybe she should've told Wyatt about her thing with Luke. She just didn't think it would be a huge thing like it is right now.

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*

Tomorrow comes and goes. So does the next day. She doesn't hear from him.

The Stars recover from their loss to New Jersey in a 4-1 win against the Kings. Wyatt nets another goal and she cheers for him from her apartment. They have a much better game as a team so whatever DeBoer said to them after the loss the other day worked.

She sends a quick text to Wyatt

to: wy ♡ - 10:03 pm congrats on your goal. my favorite leading goal scorer <33

from: wy ♡ - 10:10 pm thanks

to: wy ♡ - 10:12 pm can we talk? come over?

from: wy ♡ - 10:15 pm not tonight. exhausted. talk to you in the morning

to: wy ♡ - 10:16 pm you said that the other day and i haven't heard from you

from: wy ♡ - 10:20 pm goodnight

With a frown and tears in her eyes, she calls Sarah since she probably knows why Wyatt won't talk to her. She picks up after a few rings.

"Hey, did you see the win?" Sarah asks her when she picks up.

"Yeah," she breathes out. "Has Wyatt said anything to you? Or have you heard anything about what happened between him and Luke?" Sarah is quiet for a second. "Sarah, please. He won't talk to me."

There's a sigh before shed says, "Luke used your little fling as a mind trick. He threw it in Wyatt's face. He's mad at Luke for using you to chirp him and he's even angrier at you for not telling him about it. He thinks you kept it from him because you wanted to hide it from him."

"I wasn't trying to keep it a secret from him," she admits as the tears roll down her cheeks. "I didn't think he'd care. Obviously he does."

"I think if he was going to know, he would've wanted to hear it from you and not Luke Hughes," Sarah tells her. "Has he talked to you at all?"

She shakes her head and dries her own tears. "Not really," she says. Her voice is shaky. "I texted him for a bit after the game but he just shut me down. Told me he'd talk to me in the morning, but he said that the other day too and I didn't hear from him until tonight."

There's a moment of silence and she bites her bottom lip. "Okay, I'll get Joe to talk to him," she explains. "Maybe Tyler can get involved too because I know Wyatt look up to him too. Sound good?"

"Yeah," she breathes out. "Thank you."

"You okay, honey?" Sarah asks her. "You sound like you're upset."

"I mean, aside from my boyfriend ignoring me instead of talking to me so I can explain myself, I'm doing great," she says. "I just want him to know that I never meant to hide this from him. It was such a small, unimportant moment in my life. He's acting like I went out with Luke for years when we never labeled anything and basically hooked up for three months."

Sarah sighs. "I know," she replies. "It's Wyatt. He can only ignore you for so long. I'll get Joe to talk to him though, okay?"

"Thank you, Sarah," she sighs. "I'm going to head to sleep."

"Goodnight."

She hangs up the phone after saying her own goodnight. She puts the phone on the table beside her since she's laying in bed and curls up under the blankets.

Hopefully Sarah keeps her promise because she can't do this anymore and it's only been two days.

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*

[ Wyatt's POV ]

Hockey has suddenly become a distraction for him. He throws himself completely into hockey after the game against the Devils. He doesn't talk to his girlfriend because he's so upset and angry with her.

He doesn't care that she had a fling with Luke Hughes. It's the fact that she never told him and had to hear it from Luke himself and not his girlfriend. He used it against him in a game and it threw him off.

Wyatt walks into the Stars' practice facility the day after they win against the Kings. He actually looks forward to practice right now. He's having a great sophomore year and doesn't want to have it to go to shit because he's having relationship issues.

When he walks into locker room, he’s barely able to put his things down when Pavs and Seggy approach him. He looks between them. “Uh, good morning?” he questions. “Why do the two of you look like you’re on a mission?”

Joe looks over at Tyler then back at Wyatt. “Sarah talked to me after we got back from the game last night,” Pavs begins. “Your girlfriend called her after the game in tears because you haven’t been talking to her?”

“I don’t feel like listening to what she has to say,” Wyatt sighs. “She’s just going to defend herself and whatever she had with Luke. She’s going to tell me that she was going to tell me or something. I don’t want to hear that right now.”

His teammates share a look. “She has her reasons for not telling you, Wyatt,” Tyler says. “Whatever they are, you need to hear her out. Not ignore her. Trust me when I say that ignoring something doesn’t end well. Ignoring an issue makes it so much worse.”

He starts putting his gear on. “I can’t do it right now,” he tries to tell them again. “I have other things to work on. I have hockey I need to focus on. Accomplishments to still achieve.”

“You won’t have anyone to celebrate your accomplishments with if you keep acting this way,” Joe tells him. “She’s been there for you since you stepped foot in this league last season. Don’t push her away now because you decided you didn’t want to hear her out. There is probably a reason she didn’t tell you and she has a right to explain herself.”

“This is coming from us, Wyatt,” Tyler chimes in. “We’ve been in this position. More than once so you should at least consider listening to us. Don’t ignore her, okay?” He nods in reply as he pulls on his practice jersey. “Go talk to her when you get done. Don’t lose someone you love over something as stupid as this.”

They walk away and Wyatt sits in his stall.

He knows they’re right. They’re so right, and he should probably listen to them. Pavs and Seggy know what they are talking about when it comes to relationships since they’re both married now.

Wyatt puts on his helmet and makes sure it’s on tight to make sure that Joe or Tyler don’t shoot a puck at his head to put some sense into him. They wouldn’t do it very hard but just to be on the safe side.

It’s probably the worst practice of his life. He’s distracted by the fact that it’s been three days since he had a proper conversation with her.

He’s going crazy without talking to her. He truly misses her. He misses their stupid conversations. He misses her ways of getting his mind off hockey.

He really is an idiot.

Just because he knows there are a few days between now and the next game, Wyatt skates up to DeBoer and asks if he can leave because he “doesn’t feel good” and “doesn’t want to push himself”. His coach lets him go and he leave the ice.

There will probably be a bunch of reports later saying he left the ice early but he doesn’t care. All he cares about is getting to his girlfriend and talking to her.

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*

[ reader’s POV ]

Her phone goes off with a notification while she’s in the living room catching up on Vanderpump Rules. It’s a notification from Twitter that says that Wyatt left the ice early because he’s “under the weather”. She frowns and goes to text him. A knock on her door stops her in her tracks.

Confused, she goes and opens the door. She’s surprised to see Wyatt on the other side. “I thought you were sick? I saw a thing on Twitter that said you left practice,” she comments.

“I’m not sick,” he replies. “I just said that to Coach so he would let me go. I wanted to come apologize for being an idiot.”

She sighs and turns to walk back into the apartment. “It only took you three days to grow up and come talk to me about whatever was bothering you,” she says. She takes a seat on the couch and Wyatt is right on her heels.

“All I want to say right now is that I’m not mad that you had a thing with Luke,” Wyatt tells her as he sits beside her. “I don’t care about that. I care about the fact that you kept it from me then he uses it to get in my head. It worked because I didn’t know it happened and what he said really messed with my head.”

“What did he say to you?” she asks. Wyatt pauses. He looks almost hesitant to tell her. “Wyatt.”

He runs his fingers through his hair. “He called you a lot of names,” he explains. “He said you were a slut, a whore and called you a bunch of other names. He said that you were a ‘good fuck’ when you went to Michigan with him and his brothers. It got under my skin because you’re not any of those things. I know you’re not any of those things but I let what he said about you get into my head and mess with me. I love you and it’s because I love you that I let it get to me.”

Her eyes widen when Wyatt finally tells her what Luke said to him. “I should’ve told you,” she tells him. “Maybe it wouldn’t have affected you if you had known. It was a summer fling. Then I met you and fell in love with you. I didn’t tell you because it was such an insignificant thing in my life.”

He grabs her hands and holds them in his lap. “I would’ve liked a little heads up but you have your reasons for not telling me,” Wyatt replies. “I don’t need to know about all your past relationships if you don’t want to tell me and you don’t need to know all of mine. I would’ve liked to know that a six-foot-two defenseman might try to fight me.”

She smiles and shakes her head. “A six-foot-two defenseman might try to fight you,” she says.

Wyatt laughs and pushes her away gently. “I can’t stand you.”

“So, who talked to you?” she questions. “You definitely would have kept ignoring me if someone didn’t.”

“Pavs,” he admits. “Seggy.”

She laughs. “You took advice from Tyler Seguin?” she asks. “I can’t believe it.”

“If he wasn’t married, I wouldn’t have,” Wyatt laughs. “I absolutely would have listened to Pavs though no matter what.”

His phone goes off with a text. She raises her eyebrows as he looks at it. “Who is that?”

“Seguin asking me why I left practice an hour early,” he replies. “Also asking me how talking to you is going since he knows I’m not actually sick.”

She rolls her eyes and says, “He does care.”

Wyatt laughs and puts his phone away. “Sometimes,” he replies as he turns his attention to her. “I am sorry for just ignoring you. I mean that with my entire being.”

“I know, Wy,” she says. “I’m sorry for not telling you about Luke. I should’ve given you a heads up. I just didn’t think it would matter.”

“It doesn’t matter,” he replies. “He’s an ass for saying all those things about you. I’ll have to get him back.”

“Please don’t.”

“We’ll see.”

༺═──────────────═༻

MASTERLIST

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taglist : @dasiysthings @dancerbailey3 @love4lando @ivy-34

[fastboatsmojito]

Inspired by this req !

Hot and Heavy - Gym Nerd! Scott Miller x Reader

| A/N; title based on the song by Lucy Dacus but the song itself is irrelevant to the plot lmao also pls don’t chew gum while you work out this is just Fiction <3

| CW; mostly just some good old bickering in a non-angsty way, Scott being Scott + the tiniest soft spot for you, I think that’s it 💆🏻‍♂️ I was going to make this smutty but it didn’t feel right and I didn’t want to force it so !

He was always there by the time you arrived, already sweaty and intense as you walked in.

“Jesus, Scott. You ever sleep?” You scoffed, setting your bag down and stretching your arms.

“Eight hours.” He barely looked up to talk to you, focused on the weights in front of him.

Of course. He was unintentionally irritating, the crisp, clean compression shirt he sported making the size of him just that much more unavoidable. You weren’t competing with him - you couldn’t if you wanted to, but he wasn’t a bad ‘gym buddy’, disregarding his grumpy attitude and refusal to actually call you that.

He never overstepped, he was quiet but reliable, giving you space and unenthusiastically spotting you whenever you asked.

You held your hand out towards him as he walked over and grabbed his bag, rolling his eyes at you before taking out a piece of gum.

“You get one. If you swallow it again that’s on you.” He said, the piece of gum still in his hand pointing at you as he spoke.

“Already cranky, I see.” You snatched the gum out of his hand, grinning at his less than pleased expression.

——

After a while you got a little overzealous with some weights, voice coming out shaky when you realized it was too much for you to lift all the way. “Shit- um, Scott?”

“What?” He didn’t look up at you when he replied. He didn’t usually have to, used to you asking him whatever questions popped up in your head during your workout, gym related or not.

“Can you come grab this for me?” He looked up then, disregarding his strict routine to jog over to you.

“Yeah. Fuck, why’d you add all this shit? You know that’s too much, right?” He lifted it back up for you, as soon as he was in front of you with his hands on his hips you knew you were in for one of his infamous lectures.

“I know now. I thought I could handle it-“ You tried to explain yourself, clearly falling short when he shook his head.

“Don’t be stupid. I won’t be able to workout if I’m too busy worrying about you breaking your neck. If you need help, just ask-“ He reprimanded, putting his hand up to stop you from interrupting him.

“Before it’s too much. That’s the only reason we’re here at the same time.” He always looked like someone’s dad when he got like this, aggressively chewing his gum with a disapproving look on his face.

“Yeah, yeah. You’re right, I’ll ask for help next time.” You muttered before standing up, motioning to walk off before he stopped you.

“Before-“ He moved to stand in front of you like some angry bouncer, waiting on you to finish his sentence.

“Before it’s too much. I know. Sorry.”

“Don’t be sorry, be smart.” That’s what he always said, you always apologized anyway.

——

You were done after that, uncomfortably dripping sweat from basically every part of your body, walking over to grab your water bottle as you met Scott on the bench. You sat down as he intently watched you trying to massage your leg.

“You hurt your leg, or what?”

“Just a cramp.” You sighed, laying down on the bench instead.

“Come here.” You propped yourself up on your elbows after he said it, confused expression on your face like he just said something insane.

“Don’t look at me like that. Just come here.” He motions for you to move closer to him with his hand, grabbing your leg and placing it in his lap when you were close enough. As soon as his hand moved to your leg you tensed up, unsure of what exactly what you were expecting but surprised nonetheless.

“What’s your problem? Christ just let me massage it out for you, don’t be a brat.” He complained, hands massaging over one of your legs when you relaxed.

“I’m not being a brat, you’re just not exactly the affectionate type.” You winced as he was particularly rougher right where it hurt.

“This isn’t affection, this is you not getting enough calcium and overworking yourself. That’s not on me.” He continued, moving to the other leg when he was pleased with your satiated breathing.

“You know I do this on purpose, right? I choose to do this, even if I’m a dick about it sometimes. I just want you to do it correctly, not get yourself hurt.”

“You’re a dick about it most of the time.” You corrected, sure you heard a light laugh out of him.

“But yeah, I know. Softy.” He rolled his eyes at the unusual nickname, tapping your leg to move it before he stood up.

“Hit the showers, you’re all sweaty.” He cracked his knuckles as he said it before walking away, ignoring your final remark.

“There he is.”

——

[withleeknow]

wishful thinking. (05)

chapter five: say what you mean

summary: the instruction was plain and simple: no strings attached. but you should’ve known from the beginning that it could never apply to you and him.

pairing: minho x f!reader rating: 18+ (minors dni) genres/warnings: friends to lovers, friends with benefits au, college au; fluff, angst, smut; mentions of sex, kissing, we’re starting to dip our toes into angsty territory !!, less edited than i’d like but what’s new lol word count: 2.8k

as always, i’d appreciate any thoughts or comments you may have, and please drop a like and/or reblog if you enjoy reading ♡

navigation / series masterpost / taglist

Get me a drink, I get drunk off one sip, just so I can adore you I want the entire street out of town just so I can be alone with you Now go when you’re ready My head’s getting heavy, pressed against your arm Just to adore you, I adore you

Adore - Dean Lewis

Whenever Minho asks if you two could hang out together at your place, it usually means that you will end up in your bed.

Tonight you suppose is no different.

Even though you often cap off the night having engaged in activities that could make the Victorian lady in Hyunjin faint, it’s not all that you do. Both you and Minho never let yourselves forget that you’re friends first and foremost. Sex is the added benefit that should never take anything away from your friendship. He is still one of the people you’re most comfortable with, one of the few people whose company you enjoy.

You’re sprawled out on the couch in your small living room when Minho returns from the kitchen with a plate of freshly peeled tangerines, the same ones that he brought over earlier. You push yourself to half-sit up so he could squeeze himself between you and the armrest, before you go back to laying your head on his lap as you two resume watching a bad movie that you put on.

“I hate this so much,” you comment, your eyes glued to the TV screen.

“You picked the movie,” Minho says. “It’s not that bad. The plot is kind of decent.”

“I’m not talking about that. Jeez, if they wanted to make a movie where the main character is a graphic designer, you’d think that they would at least consult someone who knows literally anything about visual art. Look at that horrendous typography job, the text isn’t even aligned with the edges and corners. This is hurting my soul.”

Your cushions (Minho’s thighs) shake lightly as he laughs at your dramatic outburst over something as trivial as a fictional character’s poor standards of digital art. But you really aren’t kidding; the way the woman on screen is butchering the text alignment is quite literally making that very particular part of your brain want to shut down for the next five to seven business days.

“They should’ve consulted you first, is that right?” Minho asks.

“They really should have. I could’ve done wonders for them,” you say matter-of-factly. “I almost majored in graphic design, y’know.”

You have a habit of biting your tongue around others because you know that people don’t really care about the same things you do. Whenever the opportunity arises for you to share tidbits about your interests, excitement would tumble out of you only to be quashed soon after when no one wants to listen to your silly little rambles. It’s disheartening, you’re used to it.

But you never feel that way around Minho. He always lets you babble on about anything and everything, even if he might not know what the hell you’re talking about. He indulges you. He never makes you feel neglected or ignored.

“Hmm, my little genius artist.” He taps your cheek once, and when you turn your head to glance at him, he tells you to open up before he slips a slice of tangerine past your lips. “You’re right. Even I can tell that it’s horrendous.”

You hum appreciatively when the sweetness of the juicy fruit floods your tastebuds. Minho’s hand trails down your arm to rest on your stomach, just below your ribs where he fiddles with the worn fabric of your sleep shirt. If he moves his hand up, he would be grazing your bare chest underneath your shirt. You didn’t bother with a bra because, well, comfort above all else, especially within the four walls of your own home. Besides, it’s nothing that Minho hasn’t seen anyway.

He keeps on feeding you tangerines in between your complaints about bad design standards until the movie ends and the plate is cleared. The only sound in the room is the soft music on the TV as the credits start to roll.

You turn to lie on your back, staring up at Minho. “That was deeply disturbing.”

“You chose it,” he reminds you. “You went in knowing what the premise was.”

“Yeah, I have no one to blame but me. I had too much faith in humanity.”

“And you call me weird.”

“You are weird,” you say. “But I like weird.”

Minho looks down at you and for a moment, he says nothing. His fingers trace something on your stomach. A heart or an odd circle, you don’t know; you’re always bad at deciphering those. His eyelids fall a bit, softening the usual sharpness of his gaze.

Then he’s pulling you by your shoulders, guiding you to sit up and before you know it, you’re situated on his lap with one of his hands on your waist, the other on the back of your neck. Minho tugs you closer, meeting your lips in a kiss in which you waste no time returning.

He’s sweet, like the tangerines that you were sharing all evening. It tends to start like this - sort of randomly, whenever it feels right. He squeezes your side in a comforting gesture as his tongue slips into your mouth. There are times where it’s more urgent, where one of you is needy and desperately seeks the escape and release that can only be found in the other’s embrace. Other times, it’s slower, more gentle, where you can really focus on making each other feel fully satiated.

This, right now - you would pinpoint somewhere in the middle. There’s no fiery clothes-ripping urge, nor a need to lay the other person bare and knead every single knot of stress from their system. Today, there’s just languid wanting; an unhurried inclination to be close.

Him and his tangerine flavored kiss, you and your resolve built on shaky foundation.

You start rolling your hips over his, tugging on his shirt because you want to feel his skin against yours. Minho stops you though; he puts both hands on your hips and pulls his lips away from yours. You blink, dazed, confused.

“I...” he starts, trying to even out his breathing as he finds the words. “I don’t want to have sex tonight.”

Embarrassment instantly washes over you. The rejection is a little humiliating; it’s the first time you’ve ever felt like this around him. Your cheeks catch fire from the mortification, and you’re very aware that you’re still sitting in his lap, right over his crotch.

Wanting to climb off of him and just fucking bury yourself in a ditch, you start stuttering like an absolute fool, “Oh... Y-yeah, no, of course! Shit, shit, I’m sorry. Of course we don’t have t-”

Minho holds you in place, one of the hands on your hips goes to cup your cheek to make you look at him. It effectively shuts you right up.

“Sorry. I shouldn’t have phrased it like that,” he says, his thumb brushing over your cheekbone in an earnest apology. “I just want to keep kissing you. Is that okay?”

You’re at a loss for words. He’s holding your face, your waist, so delicately. He looks drunk on your presence alone even though neither of you have had a single drop of alcohol tonight, so sincere in his simple request that you feel your heart swell tenfold.

You want it too. You’re more than okay with just kissing him.

You don’t answer him verbally. Instead, you just nod and move to kiss him again, your hands tangled in his soft hair. The sweetness of the tangerines grows more and more distant as you chase his lips, but you can taste his smile. It’s infinitely more saccharine, and it only grows sweeter when he holds you close and knocks the breath out of you.

When you pull away for air, you slump against him, hiding your face in the crook of his face, shy all of a sudden. He keeps you there but continues with his onslaught of kisses - on your hair, your cheek, your neck, anywhere his lips can reach. Like he simply can’t get enough of you.

“You really like kissing,” you comment, giggling quietly as you do. “Even when we… y’know, bone.”

“Bone? You’re so romantic, babe.” You feel the rumbles of Minho’s chest as he lets out a hearty laugh, the sound of which fills the space of your modest home, embeds itself in every nook and crevice, in between every minuscule crack in your walls until the whole place feels warmer, brighter somehow. “Are you complaining?”

“No... just pointing it out.”

“Well, I like kissing you,” he says. “You’re not a terrible kisser, I guess.”

You sit up straighter and catch the teasing grin on his face before you roll your eyes. “Gee, thanks. You really know how to sweet talk a girl.”

“Says the girl who uses ‘bone’ to describe sex.”

“It’s a perfectly good euphemism for ‘sex’.”

“You might as well just say ‘boink’.”

“Literally shut up.”

“Sure.”

Then he’s pressing his mischievous smile against your mouth once more, and you can’t really wrap your mind around how it’s even possible that he keeps getting sweeter and sweeter. His sugary kisses send warmth tingling up your spine, make a fluttery sensation erupt in your stomach. You’re lightheaded, and not the kind that can be remedied by a sufficient fix of blood oxygen.

Even though you’re perfectly content with kissing, there’s a certain implication that comes with only kissing that you’re not sure what to do with. He’s literally inside of you on a weekly basis and yet, this feels much more intimate than anything you two have ever done.

Because friends don’t kiss each other the way he’s kissing you right now. Friends don’t kiss each other the way you’re kissing him back.

A chime from your phone breaks you two apart, the intrusion forcing a mildly frustrated grunt from Minho. You find the mobile device hidden between the cushions of your couch, and after you quickly scan the notification on the screen, you tell him, “It’s Hyunjin.”

“What did I say? It’s always him at the scene of the crime,” Minho mutters, speaking in the same tone that one would when their sibling interrupts a round of their favorite video game. “What does he want?”

“Just wants me to send him a photo of the sample portfolio from our class.”

“Ignore him. He can wait.”

“He’ll call me if I don’t reply.”

“He’s so annoying,” Minho grumbles but loosens his hold on you nonetheless. “Hurry back.”

“It’ll only take a minute, you big baby,” you chuckle, pressing a swift peck to his lips before you get up from the couch and head toward your bedroom with your phone in hand, searching for the binder that Hyunjin is asking about.

Once you’ve snapped the picture and sent it to your friend, you return to the living room. When Minho hears your footsteps, he holds out an arm, silently beckoning you into his embrace again. And you do. You slide into the space next to him, slotting perfectly against his side.

Your fingers absentmindedly trace along his forearm until they reach his wrist. “This is pretty,” you say, touching the thin link bracelet that he always wears, the one with a small charm hanging off the center in the simple outline of a dove.

“You like it? I’ve had it for ages.”

“Mhmm, it suits you.”

A moment passes where you both sit in silence as you fiddle with the gold jewelry, and you can feel Minho’s eyes on your face the entire time. After a while, he pries your fingers off his skin, only to swiftly take off the trinket.

“No, Min. What are you doing?”

He doesn’t answer you. You attempt (in vain) to pull your wrist back but Minho is stronger. He holds it in place as he clasps the chain around your wrist.

“Minho, you are not giving me your bracelet.”

“Relax. It’s not like it was passed down from my great-great-grandfather. It’s just a random bracelet I bought when I was 18.”

“Why would you even give me your bracelet?”

He shrugs, as though he’s merely doing something as simple as letting you borrow you a pen. “It looks good on you.”

You look down to where his hand is still on your skin, his thumb gently sliding over your pulse point as he admires how the dainty gold reflects the dim lighting in your home.

And he’s right. It does look good, but he probably doesn’t mean it in the same way that you’re thinking of right now. You think it looks good because it’s something that belongs to him that’s now wrapped snugly around your wrist, like some sort of affirmation spoken in a language that only the two of you can understand.

Minho leans over and presses his warm lips to your forehead. It takes you by surprise, the way he does it as if it’s second nature to be this affectionate with you. It’s a tipping point, then suddenly your thoughts are running rampant.

The instruction has always been plain and simple: No strings attached.

But...

The chaste kisses with no expectation of sex, being protective when you’re in the presence of other guys, even giving you his bracelet to wear just because you said it was pretty.

Why do all of these sound an awful lot like strings?

You hesitate, then you ask, “What are we doing?”

“Hmm? You wanna watch another movie?”

“No, that’s not... What are we doing?” You don’t even know what word to put more emphasis on.

Minho looks at you and loosens his fingers. What he can’t understand through your words, you think he sees it in your eyes. “Say what you mean.”

“Are we friends?”

“Of course we are.”

“Are we still friends?”

“Do you not want to be friends anymore?” He cracks a smile, but you can tell that he’s just doing it to lighten you up. “You have terrible timing. I literally just gave you a bracelet.”

“Friends don’t do that.”

“Friends don’t give each other bracelets?”

“Friends don’t kiss like that.”

Minho seems a bit taken aback, though he regains his composure in mere seconds, his voice calm as he tells you, “Friends don’t have sex either.”

“What are you saying?”

“I don’t know. What are you saying? You brought it up.”

You open your mouth, only to subsequently close it because your thoughts were never really that coherent in the first place. You look away from him to glance down at your wrist.

“You’re being confusing,” Minho says quietly, honestly.

“I just… I don’t want anything to change.”

“Did anything change for you?” he asks.

“No,” is what you tell him after a long minute, when what you really mean to say is I don’t know. You can see it as it happens, some stars fading from his eyes, some light growing more faint in his irises. Though the despondence on his face disappears so fast that you’re not sure if it was even there at all, or if it was only a figment of your imagination.

Then you throw the question back at him. “Did anything change? For you?”

Minho’s answer is the same as yours - a clear No - and yet, it makes you feel like you’ve been punctured by something sharp. You don’t know why your heart drops upon hearing him say the exact same thing that you did, but you try not to let it show on your face. Your poker face isn’t anywhere as good as his, but you hope that it’s enough.

You give him a tight-lipped smile and nod a little.

“Then nothing’s changed.” He strokes your hair, emphasizing his point with a soft smile as he reassures you, “And nothing has to change. It’s a bracelet, don’t overthink it. We’re good.”

Sometimes, the decisions you make are bad because you can foresee the outcomes, or at least, you have an idea of the consequences will be later on and yet, you still choose to go through with it anyway.

Just like how you chose to watch a movie you knew would drive you crazy with its trivial details, you choose to accept the feeling of Minho’s bracelet around your wrist. You choose to believe him when he said nothing has changed, and that nothing has to change. You choose to sweep under the rug the thoughts that you’ve been having about him lately. You choose to overlook the reason why you’ve been having those thoughts instead of facing it head-on because you’re terrified of what you’d find if you dig deeper.

You choose to let the conversation end here though it still lingers in your mind, and you choose to let him kiss you goodnight when he leaves because tonight has already been a series of bad decision after bad decision anyway.

And when you fall asleep, it’s the soothing coolness of the golden dove against your skin that lulls you to slumber, like he’s here right beside you to hold you through the night.

permanent taglist: @onlyycb97wife @starsandrqindrops @borahae-reads @abbiestearsricochet @cutiespaghetti @anthropologykpopmultistan @moonlinos @mjnhoz @caitlyn98s @piercidh34rts  @stayceebs97 @linocz @yaorzu-blog @biribarabiribbaem @kayleefriedchicken @extrhotjne @caitxx1 @palindrome969 @todorokiskitten @azuna-sz @meanergreener @nxzz-skz @jazziwritesthings @poutypoutybin @bookyeom (italicized = can’t tag)

series taglist: @eyesforlino @armystay89 @nuronhe @becomingmina @astro-doll-the-star @hyuneyeon @jisunglyricist @yoontaethings @thisisnotjacinta @cupidcure @wyzminho

all rights reserved © withleeknow. reposting, translating and/or modifying is not permitted by any means. [posted 18.02.2024]

[sourbinnie]

☆ sci-fi.mp3 ☆

♡ genre ¿? ♡ -> fluff & angst all in one bowl ♡ pair ¿? ♡ -> ot8!skz x gn!reader ♡ plot ¿? ♡ -> he didn't think this was friendship anymore but accepting his feelings was harder than that. ♡ warnings ¿? ♡ -> swearing ♡ request ¿? ♡ -> yes!

a/n -> i'm not sure if i understood this request correctly but i hope you still enjoy it! it was about not being friends but not being in a relationship so i kinda did it my way so that's an angsty way.

chan ✉

he couldn't explain the excitement that went through his body whenever he got to see you. it was irrational to feel like that for just a friend but he knew deep down (even if he wouldn't admit it) that it wasn't the case for you two. he always had a hard time coming together with his feelings, actually understanding that he felt a certain way and accepting it. when it came to you it was even harder since he didn't exactly could point out when it went from a friendship to something more.

as you arrived at the studio, he had everything planned out for what you guys were gonna do yet everything was thrown out the window when he saw you. you looked so fucking gorgeous, it was insane to him how mad you drove him but he couldn't do that, he couldn't just date you. he wanted to, oh god did he desired it.

"(y/n)? can you give me your honest opinion on a track?" was usually the way he would let you know he cared about your thoughts and that he wouldn't do this for someone else. his little actions like that spoke louder than words but neither of you ever made a move. eventually you never knew what was gonna happen next but you always knew how it would end and that was a cuddle session on the couch that lasted way less than you wanted to.

minho ✉

he would be in denial that he was being extra with you. maybe he liked to tease his members a lot but with you? oh no, he wouldn't dare. you were so precious to him in such an unexpected way, he didn't really feel this way about anyone. he didn't understand even how to process this because he usually did not have crushes or wanted to be in relationships, but right now he craved way more than a friendship. he admitted to himself that he was fucked from the start when he first met you.

"(y/n) do you think i need to practice more? i've been lacking recently." that was a lie, he would never in a million years say he was lacking, but he felt the need to hear you compliment him. sometimes all he needed were some words of encouragement from you to keep going. as soon as he heard you speak, he felt so calm on the inside and it was almost as if you were the only one who brought such peace to him.

he felt trapped like he knew if it was another context, he wouldn't have so much trouble admitting his crush on you. yet now he still was denying it whenever the boys brought it up and denying it to himself but he knew there was no way he was gonna convince himself ever. he was stuck in a loop where every time he sees you, his heart flutters but his mouth stays shut.

changbin ✉

oh this man, he would facepalm himself every time he said something to you. it's like he couldn't help it, he is a very affectionate person but with you it's another extreme he didn't know he had it in him. you guys do couple things all the time yet none of you asked each other out, you guys wear matching clothes, cuddle, have "friend dates" and yet whenever someone asks if you're dating, you shake your heads. what kind of loser was he being, he could literally have you but he was afraid.

he didn't know exactly what his fear was but he knew he will always just want you. nobody quite understands him and listens to him the way you do. he could talk to your for hours and yet it would still feel too short. he wanted to wake up next to you, have you at the studio, at his concerts and somehow that reality he was creating in his mind even if it felt close, was still so far away.

"(y/n) thank you for coming." he would say with a smile as you two met up which caught you by surprise. you saw each other almost every day but this time it seemed like he actually needed you to be there for him. he didn't know why exactly he called you, maybe it was to confess or maybe it was just to see you. he didn't say anything though, he just wanted you to hold him for a little longer as he thought of all you could be if he wasn't such a coward.

hyunjin ✉

as the hopeless romantic he is, he would live for the little gestures. it would be hard for him to confess to himself what he was feeling. in a way he would feel like he was destroying what you guys had but he knew that you were on the same page as him. shaking off this feeling, he would still talk to you every day and he would care about what happened through your day, what you were up to and what you needed. almost like he was your boyfriend and that put such a bitter taste in his mouth.

he was concerned that you would get tired and eventually find someone else. that thought just haunted him but you also kept coming back so he felt an ease whenever he saw you. maybe you were waiting for him? for his contract to end? for him to confess and maybe have a secret relationship? he just didn't know at all. so many questions on his mind made him forget that he was right next to you.

"(y/n) do you ever feel like... i don't know, you want something and you can't have it?" he asked in his philosophical way and it got you thinking. as you thought through his question, he admired every feature of yours, looking at you in a way with such admiration and love. he felt like his heart was gonna fall from his chest right at your feet. 

jisung ✉

as he thought about you and texted you, he knew he was fucked. there was one thing lingering in his mind at night and that was you, wanting to see you and being away from you was hell. he didn't feel like he was trapped but he definitely felt like he wasn't prepared to be in a relationship yet when he thought of you, he saw the future. he wanted you by his side yet he remained unmoved when it came to (ironically) making a move. he felt like he would rather be friends then lose what you guys have completely.

a part of him was always telling him that you followed what he did, responded to his messages even late at night and would always say yes whenever he wanted to hang out. like it was a sign that he was looking for to actually tell you the truth. but then what? have you actually be in a relationship with him and have to deal with all that came with it? he didn't want you to go through that. 

"(y/n) i really missed you." he said sincerely as he looked at you and his hands found it's way to yours. you offered him a smile and yet when you saw your hands, both of you couldn't help but blush. it's like when you first met, you were so shy around each other yet something pulled you both back as you thought that this wasn't normal. he would die a little whenever you two had to pull away.

felix ✉

he was so tired of all the going back and forth. he wasn't exactly sure if he had a crush (he did) but he knew that acting like this with you and only you wasn't normal behavior for friends to have. he chased after more, a feeling that he would want to have for eternity and that's the one he felt when he saw you. it's like everything always stopped, time wasn't enough when he was with you and he couldn't help but be sad every time he watched you leave but he had no other choice since you two were just friends.

"(y/n) do you think you could help me write something?" he never asked for much help with lyrics but it would feel really comforting and special to write a song fo- with you. you agreed to it and it got you both thinking what the perfect love song would be, what actually takes to write such deep lyrics and rhyme words in a way that it didn't feel too forced. 

as he looked at you, concentrated and you pronounced the words that were on your mind, he knew that he had to accept it. he had to come with the fact that he didn't feel such a strong connection to another person that he's ever met, he wanted to have you but he also needed to understand that it was quite impossible. even after all he knew he could count on you for whatever but sometimes he just wishes he could close the gap and seal it with a kiss. 

seungmin ✉

usually he wouldn't have such a hard time accepting that he wasn't in a friends phase with someone anymore. sometimes people just drift away and you can't really help it, but right now he knew that this was the end of a friendship. he knew that this was the start of something else with you and he didn't know how to handle change but when he was with you, he felt much more safe and sound in a way he did not expect. he looked at you and all the thoughts would invade his mind.

what would a future with you look like? did you feel the same? how would you saying he was your boyfriend sound like? why was he thinking this already? he knew he had to stop. it was easy to daydream, to think of what it could be but he just wanted that to be his reality and not be stuck in this endless life where he would have to see you walk away from him. 

"(y/n) are you seeing someone?" the question was pretty blunt so it kinda took you by surprise but you just shook your head. for some reason when you said no, he smiled and you couldn't quite figure out why. he smiled because that meant there was a chance that you were waiting for him to make a move just like he was waiting for the right time to do it. would there be a right time? would he risk it all for you? maybe, but this wasn't it.

jeongin ✉

as he walked you home, he wanted nothing more than to stop walking and appreciate the moment with you. he would want to hold you close and look at the stars (even though you shined brighter than any of them). he would want to actually kiss you and feel you with him, but he couldn't. he just kept walking as you talked but he dozed off from the conversation and just hummed or agreed with what you said. he knew he was being a coward by pretending everything was okay when it was far from that.

"(y/n) i'm glad i get to exist at the same time as you." he did not expect for the words to fall from his thoughts to his mouth but they did and he was a blushing mess. he felt weird after saying it because you looked at him in such a loving way that he lost his breath for a second. he wanted you to stare at him like that the whole time, so that he feels loved and enchanted by your eyes always.

you didn't have to say anything and you didn't. he just knew that you appreciated his words and that you felt the same way but you couldn't do anything about it. you two would have to live with the feeling and not the thrill of experiencing what it was like to be with each other. he would have his dreams where he would see you again and actually would get to experience much more but as soon as he woke up, it was all over again. 

[smehur]

Some Harry/Draco Fic Recs

There is so much great fic in this fandom, I'm struggling to keep track of everything I read and like. I already mentioned some of my early favorites here, but I have since found several more.

In no particular order:

Hermione Granger's Hogwarts Crammer for Delinquents on the Run by waspabi

In which Harry did not go to Hogwarts, but is instead found by a group of seventh year students led by Hermione, and recruited for the war at the ripe age of 17.

I'm not usually a fan of AUs, but this charmed me within the first few paragraphs with irresistible characterization. Harry is a little different than how I imagine him, but the premise allows for it. And the Harry/Draco romance is possibly the sweetest, softest I've seen so far. 10/10 would read again.

In Pieces by dysonrules

Harry returns to Hogwarts as the new DADA instructor, only to find his teaching efforts thwarted by a very familiar ghost.

When I got this rec myself, I wasn't sure I would like it, because, well, the summary spells it out, doesn't it? But I ended up loving it. It's incredibly sweet and tender and sad and hot. I couldn't put it down.

An Emerald In The Sky by corvuscrowned

The hardest part about shagging an Unspeakable is that they’re not allowed to speak of anything. All Draco knows is that Harry works in Time. Harry works in Time, and while he’s out there in all of that time, it is as unforgiving to him as it is to anyone. Somewhere along the way, Draco realizes he's been thinking in lines, when he should have been thinking in circles.

This story moved me like few others. It's a masterpiece of 'show, don't tell' in that elusive way I have never been able to tap in my own writing. It speaks in images, and the images capture incredibly specific, perfectly chosen details that paint years and decades of slowly fading hope. Just the thing for one who considers their own aging and mortality increasingly often.

Take You Home by lq_traintracks (lumosed_quill)

Everybody’s a little fucked up after the war, Draco especially. What starts as hate sex after a night out, eventually turns into something else, something more like comfort. And even though his friends all tell Harry he’s just being used, all Harry’s doing is making sure Draco gets home in one piece. He’s not falling helplessly in love.

From the author of one of my early favorites (Right Hand Red), a hugely enjoyable read that makes love to a post-war Draco (and his long hair in a man-bun that he fastens with his wand). I gulped this down in one sitting.

Hey, Potter by SunseticMonster

Harry returns to Hogwarts for his 8th year, determined not to let Malfoy get to him. But when the snarky teasing starts up again, Harry finds that returning the jibes with compliments has a far more interesting outcome.

I am in love with this premise. It works so well? While I wished for a bit more shipping and a bit less collateral, I still enjoyed this story immensely and went on to read almost everything the author wrote for the pairing.

An Issue of Consequence by Faith Wood

Draco has woken up in an alternate universe. Or he has woken up utterly insane. Nothing else can possibly explain why Harry Potter suddenly seems to think he's Draco's boyfriend.

The light-hearted summary belies the gravity of the plot of yet another favorite tale from the pen of my favorite author. The POV immersion is so deep that I absolutely did not see the resolution of the mystery until it was revealed, and then I was just as shocked as Draco. Fabulous stuff.

A Doll's Tale by Faith Wood

Harry/Draco, as observed by Draco's childhood doll. Please note, this doll is very self-absorbed.

This... broke me a little, lol. Don't get me wrong, there's nothing (too) heavy, angsty or dark about this story. It's as innocent as they get? But it just clicked so well with the idea I've been brewing in my own (yet to be published) writings, of Draco as this... sensitive boy hiding under the guise of confidence and cruelty. And the plot-twist, Merlin. Was it obvious? Maybe, but not to me! It struck me like a (fluffy toy) train and days later, I'm still recovering. I want to take this fic and hug it when I go to sleep.

Actually, I'm in a bit of a pickle, as my instinct is to list pretty much every single thing written by Faith Wood that I've read so far. But that would be silly, so I'll list only one more, as a treat.

Beholden by Faith Wood

Draco Malfoy might not be a killer, but it turns out he's an effective painkiller. If stopping pain was all Draco's touch did, things might not be so complicated, but either way Harry can't afford to be choosy.

I already mentioned this one in that inaugural post I linked at the very top, but: 1) it's now completed and can be safely binged on; and 2) the only thing I said about it back then is that it deals with chronic pain, which was particularly relevant at the time because I was at the peak of sciatica and could relate to poor Harry all too well. But that's just one of the many merits of this incredible story. Now that I'm feeling better, I'd praise it first and foremost for the patient exploration of the characters' inner worlds and the gradual, methodical and inexorable buildup of their feelings and convictions that eventually leads to falling in love. A masterpiece of slow burn. I plan not only to read this again, but to study it in the hopes of improving my own craft.

Tagging the authors I found on here: @dysonrules @faith2wood @corvuscrowned @lqtraintracks and also my friend @kuraiummei who helped me find some of these gems.

Thank you for enriching my life. ❤️

[hard-core-super-star]

How about Reader is a stunt driver and loves cars, she's best friends with Griffin and hailee has a huge crush on her. (Hailee Steinfeld x fem reader.)

remind me i'm alive [H.Steinfed]

pairing: hailee steinfeld x stuntdriver!reader

summary: your day off takes a sudden turn when your best friend's sister decides to finally make a move after silently pining after you for far too long.

warnings: none; half an inch of plot; idiots in love; hailee being a flustered mess while R struggles to read between the lines; griffin being tired of watching the mess; R has a corvette because i love subtle references

wordcount: 2k

a/n: full disclosure, i wrote this with bumblebee era hailee in mind so do with that information what you will. it's not super noticeable but just thought you should know. also, i know even less about cars than i do about sports so...an attempt was made and i'll leave it at that. i was originally going to make this angsty and full of plot but i decided against it and just wrote a bunch of fluff. hope you like it!

* * * * * * *

Today was supposed to be a normal day off. 

You weren’t needed on set until next week which meant you had more than enough time to hang out with your best friend and mess around with your endless works in progress.

The chosen project of the day was letting Griffin do a simple tune-up on your precious 1970 Corvette. 

You’re more than capable of doing it on your own but you’re pretty sure he’s in love with your car and you’re not about to deny him the opportunity to be the one he loves.

And there’s also the fact that his sister said she was coming over today. Which makes your behavior today a lot less normal than usual.

You hate to admit it but almost every time you come over to Griffin’s house you end up sitting around and hoping Hailee will decide to show up. You know it’s weird and borderline creepy but despite all the time you spend with her brother, it’s practically impossible for you to spend time with her.

There’s always something that gets in the way. Usually, it’s your schedules, sometimes it’s your inability to talk to her like a normal person due to your badly hidden feelings for her, and every once in a while, it’s Hailee herself. 

There was a time when you thought she hated you since she always seemed to find a way to avoid being around you. Griffin swears it was because you made her too flustered to be able to hang out alone with you. You think he’s insane but he swears it’s true. And maybe it is true, it’s hard to tell though considering how adorably awkward the brunette can be sometimes, regardless of who she’s with. 

It’s one of the things you find most endearing about her. Not that you’d ever admit that out loud.

“So, what do you think?”

You turn to look at Griffin, your eyebrows furrowed in confusion. “Think about what?”

He chuckles. “You didn’t hear a single word I said did you?”

“Sorry, I guess I got lost in my thoughts.”

There’s a subtle smirk on his face that tells you he knows exactly what’s got you so distracted. You’ve never admitted your feelings for his sister to him but he’s not blind and he knows you well enough to recognize the signs. “You need a break. And I know the perfect person to keep you company.”

“Oh, shut up,” you say with an eye roll.

“Hey, you’re the one who can’t focus. Just do us both a favor and go talk to Hailee. I need some time away from you.”

You glare at him while he laughs at the look on your face. You give him a well-earned punch to the arm before walking away. “Asshole.” 

“Right back at you, y/n!”

You let your heart lead the way out of the garage and into Griffin’s house where you find Hailee in the kitchen, leaning against the kitchen island. She doesn’t notice you walk in since all her focus is on her phone and you can’t help but take advantage of the moment to give her a small scare as payback for all the times she sneaks up behind you and tries to tackle you.

“What are you looking at?”

“Jesus!” She exclaims with a startled jump, her phone dropping out of her hands and sliding across the kitchen island. “Warn a person, you jerk!”

You want to apologize, you really do, but it’s impossible for you to hold back your laugh considering the downright offended look that covers her face. Her eyes narrow while your laughter shakes your whole body. 

She’s clearly not impressed by your reaction but you swear you can see the corners of her mouth quirk up a little. “Alright, that’s it, I’m taking your car for a drive.”

You assume she’s kidding although that slight twinkle in her eyes should be more than enough proof that she’s not bluffing. Still, like an idiot, you make no move to argue against her words…until she stands up and starts running toward the garage.

You chase after her without a second thought. “Hailee, wait!”

“Oh, now you want to talk?” She teases. “It’s a bit too late, y/l/n!”

You almost burst out laughing again but you force yourself to keep it together and focus on running after her. Seriously, since when is the garage so far away?

“Don’t you dare lay a hand on my baby, Steinfeld!”

The two of you make it into the garage where your beautiful Corvette awaits with Griffin nowhere to be found. And of course, your best friend decided to leave the keys in the ignition because he’s a genius.

“You need better hobbies,” she says matter-of-factly as she reaches the front door of your car.

Thankfully, she gets distracted by her own comment long enough for you to erase the remaining space between your bodies. You come up behind her and wrap your arms around her waist in a tight embrace.

There’s a second where you forget what it is that you’re doing, too overwhelmed by the feeling of Hailee’s warm body pressed against yours to remember all the reasons that keep you from telling her the truth about the depth of your affection for her. It’s like you get a glimpse into what your life would be like if you weren’t such a coward. 

And if your feelings were mutual. Which feels more impossible than the plot of all the Transformers movies combined.

The moment passes as quickly as it came and suddenly, you’re lifting the brunette off the ground while she yells increasingly ridiculous obscenities at you. You’re pretty sure she declares you a ‘car fucker’ at some point but her words come out too fast and jumbled for you to understand her. 

You’re not sure where you’re going with her but you know you don’t want her anywhere near your precious car right now. You’re mainly just being dramatic (although she is a notoriously bad driver) but it’s also been way too long since you’ve seen her so carefree and you want to do everything in your power to keep that smile on her face.

Even if it means carrying her around her brother’s house like a doofus while you try your hardest not to accidentally drop her.

“Okay, okay, you’ve made your point,” she says, unsuccessfully holding back a laugh. “Put me down, y/n.”

“Fine, stop your whining.”

You walk over to the couch and drop her down onto it. You’re too focused on making sure she doesn’t fall to the ground to notice her reach her arm out to grab you. Her hand grips your forearm tightly and she pulls you down with her. 

You let out a small groan as you land on the couch…or, more accurately, as you land on top of the adorable brunette.

Your face heats up the instant you realize the position you’re in. Despite your nervous embarrassment, you make no attempt to move away. It’s mainly because you don’t want to but the arm wrapped around your waist also has something to do with your hesitancy to get up.

You place your hand next to her head and lift yourself up a little so you can look down at her. You raise an eyebrow in a silent question that she completely ignores. 

“Hi,” she whispers.

You’re so close that you swear you feel the warmth of her breath hit your lips. 

“Hi,” you reply, doing your best to keep your gaze on her eyes. “Was there a point to this or is this your version of a good hobby?”

The ghost of a smile crosses her face when you throw her words back at her. “That depends.” 

“On what?”

“On what happens if I…” She trails off as she leans forward a little, your breath catching in your throat at the sight. “Do this.”

The space between your lips disappears the next second leaving you breathless in a way you’ve never experienced before. 

The kiss is slow and exploratory, almost as if you’re both afraid of scaring the other with all the unspoken desires you’re harboring inside of yourselves. It's everything you've ever wanted but have never had the courage to ask for.

You're about to let your hands join in on the exploration when you hear Griffin’s voice coming from down the hall. “y/n? Hailee? Where'd you guys run off to?”

You instantly pull away from her and come crashing back down to reality. A reality that feels a lot like the worn-out carpet that covers the floor of your best friend’s living room. Clearly, you had overshot your movements when you pulled away from Hailee’s lips and now you look more like an idiot than you originally planned.

She doesn't seem to mind if her laughter is anything to go by. 

“I…do I even wanna ask?” 

“Nope,” you reply to Griffin. “Are you done with my car?”

“Yeah, everything’s good. You might want to change your tires soon though. Or just stop speeding.”

“I do not speed!” You argue back even though you both know you're lying. It's a bad habit you've always had that's only gotten worse since you started working as a stunt driver. You know your best friend has the same problem though so you don't feel too ashamed about it.

“Whatever helps you sleep at night,” he says before he throws your keys at you. 

You catch them and quickly rise to your feet. Speaking of bad habits… “Well, this was fun, I’m gonna go.”

“Already?” Griffin questions you. “I thought you had the day off?”

“I do and I love you but I need some time away from you.” 

He rolls his eyes in response, an action that reminds you way too much of the brunette you’re currently trying to run away from. “Okay, I had that coming. We still on for lunch tomorrow?”

“Only if you’re paying,” you reply with a grin as you start to make your way toward the garage once again.

You know you probably look an asshole for walking away without a glance toward Hailee but it’s an instinctual response that you can’t quite bring yourself to get in the way of. You’re not sure what it is that makes you react like this. Maybe it’s the fact that you’ve definitely fallen in love with your best friend’s sister and there’s no way you’re going to be able to hide it any longer. 

Or maybe you just need a few minutes to really come to terms with the fact that Hailee kissed you.

She looked at you with the softest look imaginable on her face and kissed you. 

And now you’re running away.

You’re a second away from turning around and walking back inside when you hear footsteps approaching. “Where are you gonna go?”

You smile despite yourself the second you hear her voice. The two of you walk side by side until you reach your car. “I don't know. I’ll probably drive to the beach or something. I need some fresh air.”

“I, uh, I could go with you,” she offers, her cheeks tinted the softest shade of pink. “We just…we never get the chance to hang out and I, um, I think we should talk.”

You're sure you've never heard the brunette so nervous before and the mere sight is more than enough to get your heart racing.

“Are you sure you’re going to be able to focus long enough for that?” You ask, unable to stop yourself from teasing her a little when you catch her eyes drifting down to your lips.

She lets out a warm chuckle. “I make no promises.”

You push away your own nervousness and hesitation, choosing instead to dive into this newfound connection with her. You don't say anything in response but you open the passenger door for her in a silent invitation.

She accepts with a breathtaking smile. Her lips brush against your cheek before she climbs into your car. You stare at her with a dumbfounded look on your face for a few seconds, unable to understand how someone so perfect even exists.

You hate to admit it but Griffin was right. Somehow, against all odds, Hailee wants you and you'd be a fool to let her go.

[teyamskxawng]

In Heat [IV]

Lo'ak Sully x Fem!Omatikaya!Reader

Previously: Chapter I, Chapter II, Chapter III

Keep reading: Chapter V

The rundown: As your first heat finally comes to an end, you worry that your shameless behavior put a strain on your relationship with Lo'ak.

Warnings: 18+ content, language, final angsty bits i'm sorry, characters are aged up, minors do not interact!! please

WC: 3.4k

A/N: This is a little shorter than usual but it’s mainly just filler plot before the good stuff starts next chapter (which is already done and will be posted tomorrow 🫡). No more angst!! f yeah 

Training that afternoon was grueling. Lo'ak didn't know if it was because his mind was so out of it or if his father had just decided to play with death that day.

Either way, Lo'ak left the training session pissed off and sore, feeling every bruise and nick from when he couldn't dodge Jake's skilled moves in time.

The walk back home with Neteyam was just as frustrating. Lo'ak stormed ahead, aggressively pushing away any stray branch or leaf that got in his way.

Neteyam knew that his brother acted this way every time he had a tough training session, so he took it upon himself to attempt to lighten the mood.

"C'mon baby bro, you gotta get your skxawng-ass in shape," he said with a laugh, grabbing Lo'ak by the back of the head and nudging him around until Lo'ak managed to pull away with an annoyed hiss.

Neteyam took a step back, cocking an eyebrow in Lo'ak's direction.

Lo'ak, on the other hand, was in no mood to be made fun of or lectured by Neteyam. He just wanted to go back to his tent and crash for the remainder of the day. Lo'ak's mind was spinning, and he just needed a break from everything.

With that in mind, he marched ahead, reaching Hometree before everyone else in their group. Just as he was about to head to his sleeping mat for some much-needed rest, he suddenly recalled his promise to you.

Bringing you lunch was the least he could do, but facing you again in such close quarters was more than he could manage. He didn't trust himself to keep his emotions at bay.

Lo'ak knew that your heat was coming to an end, and he dreaded encountering the ever-conscious version of yourself that would definitely be able to tell how head-over-heels in love he was.

Despite the storm of emotions raging within him, Lo'ak was painfully aware that he couldn't afford to break his promise. You would go out searching for him if he failed to follow through, which was the last thing he needed.

With a long, exasperated sigh, he reluctantly took off toward his family's tent.

As if the universe was granting Lo'ak at least one small favor, the tent was mercifully empty upon his arrival. Sitting patiently for their consumption was his mother's carefully prepared lunch. It was intended for himself, his brother, and his father–a reward for a hard day of training.

He piled a veritable mountain of food high enough for two whole meals onto a spare leaf.

Lo'ak couldn't care less that he was taking not only his own serving but also snagging a portion from either his brother's or his father's share to give to you.

With clumsy haste, he wrapped and tied the meal before stealthily slipping out of the tent and making his way toward you.

Lo'ak gingerly approached your home and peered inside, relieved to find that your windows were still rolled open.

The morning's stillness had given way to a soft late-afternoon breeze, rustling the leaves of the nearby trees. As he scanned inside the room, his eyes fell upon your sleeping form, curled into a ball on your sleeping mat, your breathing slow and even.

He didn't let himself linger for long.

He moved closer to the entrance, trying his best not to make any noise, and left the neatly wrapped meal just outside the foot of your tent.

He then reached out and gave the structure of your tent three loud knocks, hoping it would be enough to rouse you from your sleep.

As he stealthily returned to the window, he couldn't help but feel a twinge of guilt at disturbing your rest, but it was all for a good cause.

Lo'ak watched as you started to stir, moaning in protest at the unwanted intrusion. You sleepily sat up, rubbing your eyes and probably wondering who would dare disturb your precious sleep. He didn't stay any longer than he needed to, confident that you would find the food and get the picture that he wouldn't see you for the rest of the day.

You had no choice but to wake up to the obnoxiously loud and aggressive knocking at the front of your tent. It was a sound that would render anyone jumpy and disoriented.

You grumpily stretched your legs out in front of you, picking yourself up off the floor and forcing your legs ever so sluggishly toward the disturbance that interrupted your slumber.

To your confusion, you opened the flap to find nothing but a clumsily wrapped package containing copious amounts of grilled hexapede and banana fruit.

Your eyes widened in disbelief as you took in the sight–it had to be enough food to keep a small army of children fed.

You furrowed your brows at the food, recalling that Lo'ak said he'd bring you lunch that afternoon. However, maybe naively, you had assumed it would be a shared meal.

The whopping portion of food left for you by the tent implied that the plan might not pan out after all. Either he had no clue how much was too much, or he wasn't planning on bringing anything for dinner that night.

You couldn't help but feel a little stupid for thinking that Lo'ak would be able to drop everything and be by your side all day.

You were determined not to let the situation get to you.

You brought the food inside and cautiously ate half of it, saving the rest for later. You didn't want to jump to conclusions and assume you would need it if Lo'ak never returned for dinner, but it was always better to be prepared.

After you finished eating, you spiritlessly sat at your table, restlessly tapping your fingers against your folded legs.

Suddenly, you stood up and walked over to your sleeping mat, rolling it up and stashing it away in the corner of the room. With a sigh, you made your way to your shelf of knick-knacks, which held your collection of wooden beads, half-woven tops, leather arm bands, neckpieces, visors, and shawls, all carefully arranged atop the wooden structure.

Purely out of habit, you anxiously picked up each item, placing them in piles on the floor before rearranging them all back onto the shelf.

You repeated this process multiple times, each time rearranging the items in a slightly different order until you were somewhat satisfied with the display.

You then took a step back to look at your work, only to realize that it looked exactly the same as it had initially been.

You had to physically refrain from shouting out in frustration.

Your eyes darted around the room, landing on the half-finished top you had abandoned on the shelf. You hastily grabbed it and planted yourself on the floor, mindlessly weaving the item of clothing. Your fingers expertly wove in and out of the fabric, but your mind was elsewhere.

Bizarre. Restless. That was how you felt.

You didn't feel restless in the sense that you needed to get off (which had been the case all throughout your heat), but you felt restless in the sense that you were hyper-aware of everything: the rustling of the forest outside your window, the crackling of the fire in the center of the room, and the glaring fact that you were all alone.

Even though it was now dark outside, and you were sure that dinner had come and gone, Lo'ak was still nowhere to be found.

A part of you clung to the hope that he would show up, but deep down, you knew it was a lost cause. He had left you lunch outside your door earlier in the day and made no indication that he would be returning.

As you continued to weave the fabric, you could hear the wind howling outside. It was a familiar sound that had lulled you to sleep many times before, but tonight it was different. There was an edge to it that made your skin prickle with goosebumps.

Your thoughts incessantly circled around the way you had acted towards Lo'ak and, fuck, the things you said to him throughout those past few days.

It all resonated in your head, making your heartbeat quicken with equal parts worry and embarrassment. Had your actions driven him away? Was he so uncomfortable around you that he couldn't stand to be in your company anymore? Had you ruined your lifelong friendship?

Your fingers fumbled with the weaving pattern, ruining the piece so many times you lost count.

You tossed the partially-finished top to the side, anxiously running a hand up your face, through your hair.

You needed to do something. Anything to keep your mind off the angst you felt rising to the surface all at once. So you pushed yourself to your feet, tied your hair up with a leather band, and made your way out the front door.

You managed to sneak out of Hometree, escaping to the peaceful forest that surrounded you.

Breathing in the fresh air, you took a moment to appreciate the serenity of the forest, feeling its calming aura wash over you. Finally free from the confines of your indoor prison, you relished in the feeling of the leaves brushing against your skin as you sprinted aimlessly through the forest.

With each stride, you grew increasingly invigorated, the rain puddles splashing beneath your feet as you bounded across stones and beneath looming branches.

As you ran, your thoughts began to quiet to nothing, melting away the day's tensions. You ran without a destination in mind until your lungs burned and your legs ached. Finally, breathless and exhilarated, you came to a stop, slowly catching your breath.

Satisfied with how burned-out and sore you felt, you turned back in the direction of Hometree, which now had to be a good twenty-minute walk back.

You made your way slowly back through the forest, your feet dragging with bone-deep exhaustion. As you finally approached your tent, you rolled out your sleeping mat and sank onto it with a sigh, feeling the peacefulness of the forest still humming through your veins as you fell into a deep sleep.

The next day, you woke up feeling more rested than you had in months. You sat up with a yawn, rubbing the sleep out of your eyes before you stopped in your tracks and gasped in shock.

"Holy shit," you whispered.

For the first time in what felt like forever, you woke up entirely pain-free, without the gnawing pressure on your core that you'd become so accustomed to during your cycle.

It was like a miracle had occurred overnight.

You couldn't even recall having any lust-filled dreams, and you actually woke up without the uncomfortable feeling of being all sweaty and sticky.

With a massive grin on your face, you squealed out in delight at having made it through your first (and what would undeniably be the worst) heat cycle.

You were finally at peace with yourself now that you had complete control over your emotions and hormones. You eagerly got ready in record time to leave your home and return to the world again. The thought of hiding out in your home all day and night made you feel suffocated.

You made your way towards the center of Hometree, where breakfast was already underway.

Like the previous day, before you were unceremoniously dragged away from your meal, you quickly spotted Näoo, grabbing a bowl of food and making your way over to the girl with a smile on your face.

Näoo's face lit up as she caught sight of you, her excitement evident.

"y/n! I was getting worried I wouldn't see you today," Her eyes scanned over your face, widening in delight when she saw your eyes.

Your previously dark eyes now resembled their original bright yellow, your pupils no longer blown out to extreme proportions.

"You look better than you did yesterday, yawne." Näoo said, her delight evident. "Your eyes are back to normal! How do you feel? Is your…"

She trailed off, her eyes going wide at almost screaming your business out to the entire clan. She continued at a lower volume, much to your relief. "…is your heat cycle finished?"

You smiled, your eyes sparkling with excitement as you nodded at the girl before you.

"I think so…" you replied, barely able to contain your enthusiasm.

Näoo reached out and took your hand, squeezing it tightly as she beamed at you. "How do you feel?" she asked, her voice filled with joy.

You paused for a moment, unsure of how to answer the question.

On the one hand, you felt so relieved that you were back to normal, finally feeling like yourself again in your own skin. But on the other hand, you couldn't help but worry that you'd put a strain on your relationship with Lo'ak.

As if sensing your inner turmoil, Näoo squeezed your hand again, urging you to go on. You hesitated for a moment before speaking.

"I feel like I messed up," you admitted in frustration, hastily biting into a piece of Spartan fruit.

Näoo's forehead creased in puzzlement, her head cocking to the side as she tried to make sense of your response. "What do you mean?" she asked. "Does this have something to do with 'you-know-who'?"

You snorted derisively at her blatant attempt at not spilling your secrets to anyone who happened to be within earshot. However, you still nodded your head in confirmation.

Näoo's expression changed dramatically, morphing from one of confusion to understanding within a matter of seconds.

"Have you spoken to him since your cycle ended?" she inquired pointedly.

The thought of approaching Lo'ak again made your stomach drop. You quickly shook your head no, which only caused Näoo's face to pinch even more in confusion.

"y/n," she admonished, "you have to talk to him! You're only making things more awkward if you don't address what happened!"

You rolled your eyes in frustration. It wasn't that you weren't aware of how much the situation between you and Lo'ak had deteriorated ever since you entered your heat, but you literally would've rather been eaten alive by a palulukan than talk to your best friend after the way you'd so brazenly acted towards him.

"Absolutely not." You vehemently shook your head.

And you absolutely did not want to discuss the topic any further. To mask your present frustration, you stuffed your mouth with a healthy serving of fruit.

Näoo noticed your childish behavior and began to roll her eyes, something you, the older of the two, usually did to her.

"So, what? You're just never going to talk to your best friend ever again?"

You shrugged. "I guess not."

Näoo knew that you were being irrational. You knew that you were being irrational.

Näoo sighed in frustration.

She inconspicuously nudged her head across the room towards the Sully family, who unfortunately included the boy in question.

You swallowed at the sight of Lo'ak, feeling your cheeks flush at the memories of what your heat-induced self said and did to the boy.

Kiri noticed you and Näoo looking their way.

She broke out into a smile, waving her hand at you both, which immediately caught Lo'ak's attention. His brows furrowed as he looked up from his food towards his sister, following her gaze all the way across the room to where you and Näoo sat.

His eyes only briefly widened as he made eye contact with you before he quickly averted his gaze towards his food, not looking back for the life of him.

You exhaled deeply, releasing the breath you hadn't realized you'd been holding.

You made an attempt to flash a reassuring smile at Kiri in the midst of the chaos before switching your focus back to Näoo, who appeared baffled by Lo'ak's odd demeanor towards you.

The two of you had a history of being inseparable. You were best friends, for Eywa's sake. Just yesterday, Lo'ak practically ran to you upon seeing you at breakfast. Näoo couldn't understand why he reacted so differently today.

In a dramatic flourish, you widened your eyes at Näoo, emphasizing your point. "See? He's avoiding me. Has been since yesterday afternoon."

Näoo looked back and forth between you and Lo'ak, squinting in confusion, trying to find an explanation for the boy's strange behavior. "What the hell happened yesterday afternoon, then? Did you guys get into an argument or something?"

You sighed deeply, because how could you even answer that question? What the hell did happen yesterday afternoon?

You remembered Lo'ak's words clearly, that you shouldn't have been out in public during your heat. You got pissed at his overbearing nature and told him off for telling you what to do. But deep down, you knew he was only looking out for you.

Lo'ak then tried to set a firm boundary between you both while you finished your heat cycle. But you begged him not to leave, not wanting to be alone during such a difficult time, and then proceeded to do the unthinkable right in front of him. Eventually, Lo'ak left and never came back, except to drop off enough food for two meals while you were asleep.

All signs pointed to him being so uncomfortable around you that he felt the need to put a Pandora-sized distance between you two. You felt so embarrassed and guilty that you couldn't blame him for avoiding you.

Näoo shook your shoulder as you went silent. "Well?!" She pressed.

You took a deep breath and sighed before finally opening up, "I don't even know. I think I was just too much, too forward and needy and desperate while I was in heat. He probably hates me for doing this to us."

Näoo vehemently shook her head. She couldn't believe what she was hearing.

"No, y/n. It's not your fault. You were under the influence of your heat. You couldn't control what was happening to you."

You shrugged your shoulders, clearly unconvinced, as Näoo continued trying to reassure you, "He could have easily said no or pulled out of the situation when you guys did stuff together. If anything, he's at fault for going through with it while you were in an altered state of mind! That little piece of–!"

You cut her off, instinctively reaching for Näoo's arm.

"That's what he said, too, right before he started avoiding me," you sighed. "But I even said that I was fully aware of what I was asking for, of what I wanted from him. That's kind of when he freaked out and said that it wasn't really me who said those things. I guess maybe…."

A lump formed in your throat at your realization. "I guess maybe he doesn't see me like that. Oh fuck, I deluded myself into believing that he did…"

Näoo's eyes softened at you as she shook her head.

"y/n. That boy is head over heels in love with you," Näoo said simply. "I said it before, and I'm saying it again now. Everyone knows it—except for you two idiots."

Your eyes widened in surprise, "Everyone knows?"

Näoo rolled her eyes at your obliviousness. "Yes, everyone. It's obvious. The way he's always by your side, the way he goes on and on about you when you're not around, the way he looks at you when he thinks no one is watching. It's all there," Näoo said with a knowing smile.

You couldn't help but feel a flicker of hope. "Really?" you asked tentatively.

"Really," Näoo confirmed.

She leaned back and crossed her arms, "Look, it sounds like you two have a lot to sit down and talk about. And I mean seriously talk. Like two adults."

Upon hearing Näoo's words, your face twisted into a grimace.

As much as you hated to admit it, Näoo was right. But you honestly couldn't imagine yourself being able to hold a conversation with Lo'ak any time in the near future.

Näoo noticed the expression on your face and gave your hand a reassuring squeeze. "I care about you, y/n, and I know how much you care about Lo'ak—whether you want to admit you do or not. I just want to see you happy."

You smiled back at your friend, returning the reassuring gesture. "Thank you, Näoo. It really means a lot to me." You said.

Upon hearing your words, Näoo's smile grew even wider. "You're so lovesick," she snickered.

After finishing your breakfast, you promised Näoo that you would talk to Lo'ak soon. You had to, even though the very thought made you feel like you were going to throw up.

A/N pt. 2: This was originally part of the last chapter (which was getting tooooo long which is why this prob feels so weird), but next chapter is so much better I promise :)

Taglist <3:

@vanillawhale, @strawberryclouds22, @countryandsweetbabygirl, @kurogxrix, @yunonaneko, @ahsatan785, @lauratstrange, @lwesodra

Previously: Chapter I, Chapter II, Chapter III

Keep reading: Chapter V

[fazedlight]

How I think the Supergirl seasons should've gone...

Season 1: Leviathan

Hear me out. By far the biggest screwup of season 1, in my opinion, was getting rid of Kara's status as the Last Daughter of Krypton so quickly. I want to see more of her angst as a character, as a refugee from a dead planet, coming into her own powers. Give me the complicated emotions of missing her family, of feeling like she is honoring their memory, of wishing she had more guidance from her culture and values.

Starting with an Earth-based villain is a good scope for season 1. I think Leviathan could be reimagined to be remaining an Earth-based villain (none of this "technology" plot). What if they want to decimate all humans via increasing natural disasters? How would she stop them, when destruction is so much easier than creation?

Season 2: Rhea & the Daxamites

Season 2 was actually a great villain setup (Mon-El aside). I don't have many complaints here from a Big Bad perspective - Rhea was interesting and compelling, and it was fun watching her manipulate her way into a world invasion.

(I will say, if they wanted Mon-El to be a vaguely compelling character, they either should've made him some sort of freedom fighter rebelling against his parents, or they should've made Daxam a less terrible planet to begin with - with Kara learning how much propaganda she had been fed on Krypton.)

Season 3: Worldkillers (feat. Villain Alura + Worldkiller Kara)

There are hints that the original plan for season 3 was to have Alura amongst the Juru witches and Kara as a worldkiller (I may have written a fic on that). We could've combined the worldkiller arc, with Kara's angst about her parents' flaws and her existence, with Kara finally learning that she wasn't the Last Daughter of Krypton.

Her people would be alive - at a cost. Suddenly she'd be thrown into this conundrum... what did it mean to be kryptonian, and what did it mean to be human?

Season 4: Lex (and xenophobia)

Much like season 2, I really liked the existing plot of season 4. I'd make some minor changes, but overall it was a strong season.

Seasons 5 & 6

The Lex redux is kind of weak (and Lena's villain era, if she had one at all, should not last an entire season). Nyxly and Lex were the worst combination ever in my book. Not a fan of these seasons' big bads and I don't want to reuse them. But there are a few other options:

Bringing in Astra and Non at this point might be interesting. After the Daxamite invasion, the first solution people would think of would be "what if we spread kryptonite in the atmosphere?" with obvious angsty implications.

I would've loved to see Brainiac here. Perhaps he's mad that he didn't get to bottle Krypton before it exploded, so he wants to bottle Earth since it has the last kryptonians left. (Would've been an interesting arc for Brainy, too.) Or maybe he bottled Argo City.

Nyxly could've been a better solo villain, I think. I'd remove her backstory with the king/etc - make her some unhinged imp who somehow got around the usual limitations on 5th dimensional magic usage.

There are other great classic villains, like Darkseid.

As a final aside, I really loved the Red Lantern Kara arc in the comics, and wish they had done that on the show. It could've been...

A solution to the Astra/Non/Myriad problem. I thought the season 1 ending was kind of cheap, in that Kara only won because all of the kryptonian criminals were asleep on Fort Rozz when she was fighting Non and Indigo. Having Kara go red lantern and wipe them all out instead would've been immensely satisfying.

It could also have been an angsty response to Lena's betrayal, perhaps combined with the above.

Overall, the point is that there should be increasing stakes as time goes on. Moving from physically destructive villains (with increasing emotional cost) to something more vague and existential (the risk of being frozen in time, brainwashed, or fighting an unknowable magic) would've been a good escalation path for the show.

[shining-gem34]

SHIPPING INFO. Answer the following for your muse(s) so people know how shipping works on your blog.

What’s your OTP for your Muse(s)?

Hm! I won't say it here, because I don't want to give the wrong impression. I will say I do have a few OTPs! My close friends/besties already know my bias!

What are you willing to RP when it comes to shipping?

Excluding the big NO-NO (r*pe, non-con, underage sex, and etc.), I'm pretty open and willing to try a variety of things for shipping. It can go from fluffy/playful to angsty next. On that note, I am also open to exploring toxic ships/red flags as well. :3

How large does the age gap have to be to make it uncomfortable?

As someone who RP's muses who are either in the three digits or immortals, I can safely say as long as they are both ADULTS who are consenting, all is good. I will say NO if our muses have a parent/child bond like Muse A has raised Muse B since they were a kid, or anything similar to that.

Are you selective when shipping?

In general, it's a yes.

Mostly because I don't get home until the evening and by then my energy is pretty low. It takes time for me to sit down and focus on tumblr replies. Too many things happening can feel overwhelming for me, especially if I think about making sure shipping with the same muses are different/varied. It hasn't happened yet as my activity levels here are random! But I am thinking it about now and rjrbrjrhrje Y e a h. That is why I made the shipping rule for new people who are following me the first time.

Otherwise, if we're already friends, chances are we already went feral about the characters/ship. I don't mind going straight into pre-established ship or RPing (plotting) how they got together. I'm not picky in that regard.

How far do steamy moments have to go before they’re considered NSFW?

I don't think I have reached that point on this site. If I do, I would say the moment they start stripping while kissing and getting handsy with each other. Maybe there's touching the private parts. At that point, as I try to follow my own rules, I would probably move the full NSFW into DMs/IMs.

Who are other muses you ship your muse with?

Uh. For reasons, I'll keep this short and sweet:

For everyone who saw read my ramblings in DM's or I drop something and leave like a rat, thank you so much for indulging me. <3 I had so much fun coming up with fluffy, silly, and angsty stuff for our muses together!

And it doesn't have to be just romantic too! It applies to platonic/familial muses too!

I do hope we can continue this and watch out muses get into shenanigans together. <3

Does one have to ask to ship with you?

Preferably, yes! If you don't tell me, then I won't know!

How often do you like to ship?

I'm thinking hard on this, because both outside and inside here? Not alot honestly. I do think about shipping however it usually ends up being brief and passing entertainment. So I don't really have alot of ships I am committed to.

Are you multiship?

Yes! It's surprisingly refreshing thinking of each ship being it's own thing and not a bunch of connected events. <3 I definitely enjoy the dynamics of each ship too!

Are you ship obsessed or ship more-or-less?

I say ship more-or-less than ship-obsessed. I don't actively seek out people to ship. Also it's too much for me to handle checking too many things happening at once. So, I'm usually committed to a few ships and if something develops naturally, or I feel something is happening? Yeah, I'll ship. :3

What is your favorite ship in your current fandom?

Me x Dan Feng

Finally, how does one ship with you?

I would say just be direct and ask if we can ship our muses together. I will say "yes" most of the time, especially if we have been plotting in the DMs and have a few IC already). If not, then yes I would like to discuss it first and get some IC interactions going. I always have a meme tag for a bunch of memes I've reblogged to break the ice, or starters if you prefer that!

Because, the more we talk about our muses dynamics and each other, I am more likely to fall in love and turn feral! I will be 100% on board shipping them! Like moreso if it's a character I am neutral about it's a BIG WIN because YOU made me love them!

Trust me it happened like....3-4? times now since I started this blog. I love it when people have so much love for their muses I just support them and fall in love too!

Tagged by: @memovia, @etherealguard, @grislyintentions Tagging: You!

[chocolatepot]

Re: my point in that other meta post about assuming that scenarios people write fic about = their expectations for canon -

@pearwaldorf's tags: #fans' sense of story is not always the creator's sense of story#the narratively interesting as opposed to the desire to resolve a fan's most pressing issue

@bizarrelittlemew's tags: #oh yes and the last point is especially important tbh#even when i write canonverse fics it doesn't mean that's what i think should happen in canon#or what i think did happen (in case of missing scene fics)#it's just playing in the canon sandcastle within the bigger sandbox where i usually build my own castles#it annoys me to no end when people assume non-existent intent on the author's behalf

This is something I started thinking about at some point during Prisons of Our Own Perceptions or maybe something else angsty. Because, for one thing, canon just doesn't have that kind of angst! I don't/didn't expect the canon to get very explicitly dark in the way of angsty fic - compare how things go down with Ned Low to what happens in whump fics where another pirate comes in, tortures people, and causes trouble.

I interrogate my characterization/dialogue A LOT, so I'm always asking myself, "Can I hear Rhys saying that as Stede? Would Ed throw another 'fucking' in there?" And this step gets difficult when writing a non-canonical level of whump, because I'm trying to figure out what they'd say in a situation that would never happen on the show.

Some people do write their version of what might happen in the next season of canon, or something like that. But I think most of us are writing what seems fun to write for various reasons, and "actually feels like a plausible episode/chapter of canon" doesn't really come into it. Even fic that's more plausibly canon, there's often a wayyyy bigger emphasis on comfort or explicitly exploring trauma than you'd ever see on a show (which is half the reason we're writing it). Often, I think, this kind of departure from canon gets treated as a fundamentally different category from darker fic because the idea is "this is what canon would do if it slowed down and gave them breathing space," but ultimately they're the same - the writer is creating a scenario that pleases them that wouldn't be how canon would do it.

I've written multiple reunion fics, and none of them were what I thought canon was actually going to do - they weren't attempts at prediction. Momentum was about getting them into position for Feriowind's artwork. Sweet Damsel was likewise based on a particular image, but one I had in my head. would the sun for thee more coldly shine was for a vague prompt about injuries, and I liked the idea of Ed finding Stede while Stede was hurt, to put his concern up against whatever negative feelings he might have about Stede leaving, because I thought that would be an interesting story. Likewise, I seemed not one for such man's love was about Ed holding onto his negative feelings but also getting sick and being tended by Stede (closest thing to a true prediction, but I certainly didn't think it would be). And First Night Home imagined a way less fraught reunion than canon got, for once, because it was for a domestic fluff fic fest.

In all of these, the way the reunion went was to serve the point of the plot and relationship dynamic rather than to guess at what might actually happen. The same thing is true of other types of fics, really. The story comes first.

[gummybearzgocrazyagain]

kinn/porsche fic rec

Fake Dating AU

Tell Me That You Love Me (even if it’s fake) by @whitewalkers [luuuuuv me a fandom as ripe with fake dating trope as kp, it never quite loses it’s charm innit. kinn has a high school reunion to attend, and of course why not use it as a ploy to sway his most annoying bodyguard into confessing his nascent feelings... well-done, tis a rec]

Vigilante/Special Agent AU

Deep Like a Coastal Shelf by @Lilla_Torg [aight so this is an author with the very distinguished storytelling pattern, that i can not help but appreciate, their world-building and characterization is usually top notch, and this particular babie is not an exception: porsche and chay were brought up by someone from the syndicate that targets organized crime, and now that people, who used to call themselves their parents, are gone, Porsche is left with the ominous List, and a black leather vigilante suit, to keep their legacy alive. korn and gun are dead, Main and Minor fams are combined, tankhun has taken over as the Leader. kinn handles their overseas ops. amazing quality of storytelling, as always. DNI if you can’t handle pairings other than kp, as this is a multi-pairing piece, as it is customary for this author. but again, the story is so good, i didn’t even skip kimchay/vegaspete bits, which is a feat on it’s own. max kudosssssss]

the house don’t fall (when the bones are good) by @bytheriveriwept [i often say that i luved some works, but there are works i luved, and then there are works i LUVVEEEEEEDDDDDDDD with my whole-ass heart, this bit of genius masterpiece is the case of the latter. kp are special agents, colleagues, parts of the same organization, cohesive unit, and all that. only until porsche decides to take on risqué assignment, and go undercover. will they still be them, when he is back....? what can i say, this was sooooooooo up my alley in so many ways, i don’t even wanna say no more, if you haven’t read this.... what the hell is you even doing]

Third person POV

First Impressions by @AirgiodSLV [oooohhhhh how i luv me some piece of delicious 3rd person pov, yummmmm, Bank is a new hire for the Major fam, and this is the first time he is present at the meeting between the families.... yumm👌]

Alternative Meeting AU

stumbling to the edge by @FireRisingOverTheHills [absolutely delightful and underrated series for those who is not looking for heavy feels: it is light-hearted, sweet, well-written and entertaining, all without being angsty or plot-twist-heavy. despite the alternative meeting, it is still pretty much in-universe compliant. kp meet at a bar under different circumstances, but end up pretty much in the same compromising position that we all love to see them in. much kudos🙏]

the less i know the better by @mslunita [yummmmm, delicious morsel of tinder hookup-turned-softness, i really enjoyed this one: kp initially meet on the apps, and yet, being themselves, immediately turn this motha all soppy and lovey-dovey, - extremely canon-complaint, if you ask me. exactly the kinda content i am here for🙏 super-well done]

For Want of Fighting by @Mara [this fandom sure does luuuuuuv it some alternative meetings aus, huh, and i ain’t about to complain. great short piece, Businessman AU, first meeting is not too drastically different to canon, but the context does slightly differ. very entertaining and def a rec]

Sports AU

Salt by @ronadnhermy [oh. my. god. what a fucking catch, luv luv luved ittttttt, so well-written, so entertaining, there is plot, there is emotional turmoil, morally dubious kinn, maybe the younger versions of them is not exactly my jam, but with such quality, who cares... porsche is like 18-19 and on the Thailand National Taekwondo team, kinn is in uni, and sees something he likes, thangs spiral from there... super recommend, ah-mazing, allllllll the kudos]

bar owner!porsche AU

like real people do by @motherfleckers [Kinn is a celeb, Porsche owns a tiny bar in a tinier fishing town, simple premise with a delightful resolution: eyebrows, usual canon levels of audacity, motorcycle rides, and, most importantly, kinn’s dick is not small. it’s very very good (the fic, not kinn’s dick, although that too). major kudosssssssss]

Now make your bed (now lie in it) by @deliciousblizzardshark [2-for-1 tropes sale, apart from bar owner!porsche, you get accidental babie acquisition, my beloved <33333 fair warning, one must brace themselves for being gutted with longing, as well as general adorableness of kinn going “i’ve only had this random babie for 1,5 days but if something happens to her imma end everyone in this establishment and then myself”, adored this one sooooo much, prolly one of my personal faves, sooooooo many kudosssssss]

Cabin crew AU

before i leave, i want it a thousand times by @mslunita [despite somewhat disparaging reputation real-life cabin crew have acquired in my city, i clearly have no issues reading porsche being one slutty flight attendant, and hey, when your client is kinn anakinn theerapanyakul, who could actually blame him for slightly loosening his morals up on occasion, right? certainly not me, you go boiiiiii]

Historical AU

Love and the Art of War by @fortunehasgivenup [oooooowwwwww yassss, this is sooooo far up my alley it ain’t even funny. first of all, this author is everything, man, love all their fics, must reads, all of them. this specific babie is sooooo precious though: set in some nebulous middle ages, it’s a war camp setting, kinn has been away from home for months, and upon returning from some battle or other, gets an unexpected visitor waiting for him inside his tent. ngl, i would have read 200k of this, but author gave me 4, and i lapped them up like a man starved. perfection, truly. not to mention the use of “anakinn” in any context just does it for me🤷‍♀️]

Sex worker adjacent AU

escort AU by @Oscarian_Flame [Porsche joins the same agency kinn has been a long-term client of, and the universe expands from there. well-written and fun to explore, with interesting oc’s, worth a read for sure!]

Cliff Jump by @AirgiodSLV [ooohhhhh yeahhh babie we talking with this one💅 soooo.... vegas is using the same agency, and it kinda triggers kinn’s competitive side, earning him a certain...  reputation. once every twink is bangkok is so exhausted that ain’t noone is able to deal with his over-the-top shite no more, the agency sends someone who has enough stamina to withstand the lengthy bounds of athletic... interactions. yeahhhhh, you guessed it. so very entertaining and plot-twisty. so very delightful]

even though you’re not mine, you’ve got that look in your eyes by @fortunehasgivenup [highly highly doubt there are people left in this fandom who have not read this masterpiece, and yet could not exclude it from the recs, it’s that spectacular. if one must create escort-by-misunderstanding AU.... do it to such level. spectacular work, allllll the kudos]

Night Call by @ziusik [one of my fav pieces in this fandom no cap, if you know this author, you know, i obvi adore every single word of both mileapo and kp this author has everrrrr written, and this particular stripper!porsche au with absolutely helplessly besotted idiot-kinn is outa this worldddddddd great. it’s like if “under the influence” by cb was a fic, the vibe is simply immaculate]

Comedy/Crack

Wilderness Camp by @housseao3 [wholesome and endearing piece of fun, i lichrally cackled multiple times, i meannnn, tankhun with his rompers, chan/tay, sugarplum/chicken, unforgettable ken/groundskeeper....? adorable, entertaining and praise-worthy attempt at light-heartedness and humour, super-well done]

School/Uni AU

let there be no barriers (between you and i) by @anakinn [being both adorable and hot is a general qualifier for ending up on my rec page, so here it goes as well. porsche has had a crush on one of his classmates for the better part of their university journey. one day being bored in class, he decides to test some random online advice, and see whether anyone of his mates is a mind-reader.... you guessed it folks, one particular person just might be. short and to the point delicious morsel of general canon-appropriate kp horniness for eo <3]

i gave a second chance to cupid by @haeseolar [omnomnomnom *chomps down on this fic with gusto* you know the feeling you get while consuming media, this overwhelming regret that the magnificent piece of work you’re currently devouring has already been perceived by you, and you never get to experience it for the first time ever again...? big time my energy while reading this one, what a mind candy, i reeeeeeeeeally enjoyed it🙏🙏🙏 kinn is 39, he is teaching lit at a private school, when the new 24yo PE teacher joins their roster fresh off uni... i dunno what to tell you, this author just gets it, when i say all the kudos, i quite literally mean all the possible kudos for this one]

Various in-universe AUs

The One Where Porsche and Kim Are Gym Buddies by @fortunehasgivenup [oooiiii, what fun, what funnnnnn: kim and porsche are both in the fights, and occasionally meet at the gym... reluctant comradery ensues. they talk to each other about their respective crushes, none the wiser that they have been railing each other’s nong and phi... what else is there to say, the author is so good i even attempted to read kimchay, which is practically unheard of, lich-rally all the kudos]

Here With You by @Yeetyeetbroski [daaaaaaaamn sonnn, the tension, the tensionnnnnn..... “scrumptious” is an understatement for what a treat it was. thank you dear author, much much MUCH kudos p.s. while you’re at it, i’d recommend to go through this author’s whole catalogue, their rendition of kp dynamic is a delight to read]

The Aftermath by @Yeetyeetbroski [yippy, the softness <3333333 So this is an Ep 6 aftermath, an AU for Ep 7. absolutely lovely and adorbs. soft besotted kinn is universally accepted as one of the fandom fav versions of kinn, so in regards of delivering on this front this fic is def up there. awesome read]

Post-canon

Storm to Weather by @archay [it was soooo good, i luv this typa vibe, bitter-sweet, but hopeful <333 the theerapanyakul empire is done for, and kinn and porsche are out to fend for themselves in a real world. tis a rec]

Whittled Down by Another War by @rageprufrock [i... are there even words... abso-fucking-lutely legendary piece, the way theerapanyakul bros dynamic is portrayed in this.... damnnnnnnnnnn, if there is anyone, literally anyone left who has not read this yet... what the fuck are you doing with your life, GO READ THIS ABSOLUTELY MINDBLOWING FIC]

fell in love with the fire long ago by @builtempires [wieeeeeeeeeeee, what a tasty treat: kinn is away on business, and a certain head of the minor family decides that sending his partner some racy pics while separated by thousands of miles would help the situation... it both does and doesn’t. very entertaining, super hot, much kudos]

Magic AU

Instinct by @the-wayside [ohhhhh this bloody gorgeous muthafuckin thang.... i remember being so overwhelmed after reading initial chapters that i even dmed the author, cause it was cloying at my skin, the story is superb. not everyone, but many people got an instinct living inside of them, and what do you think happens when kinn goes to some random underground fight held at some random seedy club and his instinct meets porsche.... yeppp. something about reading how the most animalistic, primal part of kinn wants and longs for what is his is just.... maaaaaaaan, If you haven’t read it yet and there is still an opportunity for you to experience it for the first time, i am so fucking envious no cap]

Poring Down Crimson Fire by @Lilla_Torg [whatttttttt, this was fucking insane, like...??? the world-building??? i fucking can’t, off the charts, insert chief kiss emoji size of a sun. i don’t even know how to rec something like dat, just... insanely devastatingly interesting story, and yeah, technically it’s not even kp fic per se, cause the whole fucking gang be giving off main character vibes. must read]

+

bonus:

MILEAPO

......................................................................................................................

disclaimer: realizing how tricky the whole topic of rpf might seem, i myself have not dipped a toe in this pool in a long, long time, therefore do completely understand and accept any potential discomfort anyone may have with using names/likeness of real people for fanfiction writing purposes. kindly, if you are uncomfortable with the topic, do not proceed any further, thank yew. p.s. also, as it has been noted so many times before, if you didn’t want us to write/read fanfiction about you, maybe you shouldn’t look at your work colleague like dat, bruv, just saying

......................................................................................................................

Starting Ambitions by @iffervescent [abo rpf, fucking masterpiece, luv this story sm]

Marked by @oliviacirce [yeahhhhhhhh... this. this was... an experience. they are about to film the scene in pete/porsche’s room, but the special effects person is out with the stomach flu, and there is no one to apply the fake hickies to apo’s neck. mile comes up with the brilliant idea that saves the day. no words, only squeals and cheers]

Whole New Kinds of Weather by @archay [short, sweet, hot and to the point 👌 after the NYE 2023 the whole team comes back to Tong’s for an after-party (for the live of me, i dunno why is it always Tong in the fics, tis has become some kind of established fanon by now), and thangs transpire in his bedroom (sorry, phi!!! pls don’t kill them)]

obviously, every single word @ziusik has ever written, especially Limerence, your lips in the street lights, and of fucking course, just a step away, which is definitely one of my fav ma fics everrrrrr and forever fandom classic

and finally...

said you’d be coming back this way again, baby by @concernedlily [this is what i’d call an ultimate ma fic, jokes aside, if there would be a limited amount of fics a person is allowed to read in they lifetime, this would make the cut every time for me. no matter how many wonderfully written, extremely talented ma works are out there, this would always be the ma fic for me, absolutely fandom-forming, i can never praise this work enough]

[22degreehalo]

Man, I know this isn't really anything new to anyone who's in the right audience and is going to be entirely incomprehensible to anyone who isn't. But I really am just enjoying 100 Kanojo ('The 100 Girlfriends Who Really Really Really Really Really Love You') lately, and I really gotta echo that it's a surprisingly great example of positive polyamory!

The last episode of the anime really impressed that on me, that it's not *just* about being poly-positive insofar as it supports the harem. When Hahari talked about still being in love with Hakari's father, I was really expecting some cliche advice about how he'd want her to move on and be happy, blah blah blah. But no: Rentarou tells her there's no reason why she can't love both him AND her ex all the same!!

It's not the sort of thing usually associated with polyamory, but I've seen it brought up in poly circles as an example of toxic monogamy, that current partners are supposed to *despise* their partner's exes, and that people are supposed to never have any relationship with their ex or it comes across as 'unfaithful.' I've even seen widowers saying they relate strongly to the poly community even if they're technically monogamous, because they can only ever love another person *in addition* to their old spouse, and any new lover will just have to be okay with that.

And then it goes even further when Rentarou meets the ghostly spirit of Hahari's old boyfriend (or maybe it was just a dream~?), and once again, Rentarou shows not so much as a lick of jealousy or possessiveness. Rather, he clasps hands with him as a comrade, as someone who made Hahari very happy back in the day, and as someone he still would like to make proud alongside, working together to keep making her happy! (And then the spirit is so satisfied that he has no earthly connections anymore and ascends from ghosthood... which is a bit convenient but which is also funny in context, so. Well!)

But honestly, even aside from all that... I'm reading the manga now, and it's just so. Refreshing. To see a romcom like this where everyone is just so happy and in love all the time...? Harem manga sorta have a reputation for everyone beating up on the protagonist, and of course all the silent angsty pining that lasts unendingly for hundreds of chapters because the 'plot' can never actually be resolved until the story is over. But in this story, everyone really does win! And that doesn't make it less interesting: it's still so crazy and weird and dumb, and just seeing all of these characters bounce off one another and be themselves is entertaining enough without the need for external stresses.

And that all just makes it so... almost wholesome? Everyone is so happy!!! And it isn't boring at all!!!!! Everyone really really really really Really loves each other (the protagonist even more than the girlfriends, if anything), and they gush over romantic stories and get really excited about kissing their boyfriend/girlfriends and love and support their entire family, and it fills me with such warm and fuzzy feelings that I really can't think of anything else to compare it to!

It's just so nice. Characters who really, genuinely love and like each other and work hard for one another and get what they want. And also, truly wacked-out comedy that has made me laugh aloud just reading it.

It's just great. It's so, so nice. :)

[rivangel]

Things That Eat

summary: You help Levi through a dissociative episode.

content/warnings: angsty, references to blood+death, hurt/comfort, canonverse, dissociation, i just want to take care of Levi ok

wc: 2.7k

Do something say something feel something.

A glass of water sits on the nightstand from two nights ago. The expedition ended two days ago, and he knows, distantly, that whatever happened out there has made him what he’s feeling now—or rather, not feeling.

He can’t remember exactly. He remembers those two weeks in the way the exact edges of a dream practically play before your eyes after you wake up in the middle of the night, but by the next afternoon all you have are vague streaks of shapes and uncertain conjecture of the plot. You might wonder if you dreamed at all.

He leans on his knees, on the edge of the bed, and stares down at his scratched knuckles. He’s still alive, isn’t he?

After the adrenaline fades away, and he’s made it back to a place and time resembling peace, or at least a pause in the violence, sometimes he’s still stuck out there. Like the pasty stains of a sticker that won’t give way under water or a rag. He feels dizzy, like gravity is not quite pressing down, and that he could pass through walls and objects if he wanted. A feeling of unreality. Everything around him is a dream.

It’s a dream, and he’s still on the edge of waking in a makeshift base under the trees with the rest of his sleeping comrades. He’s going to wake up and still be there.

This is what he's afraid of most. He's going to climb into consciousness, and smell rot, and feel his own stomach eating him, and he’ll be staring up at the bed. Her skin will be grayer. The rotten mattress holds her hostage more than she lays in it. The blankets will crawl with living, eating things. Fleas will be crawling in his hair... And this dream is just a plot of another one of those restless naps after his body’s begun to shut down.

None of these walls feel real. What’s the likelihood that a kid like him ever made it out of the Underground, anyway? Was he ever truly alive, or is he already dead? He doesn’t recognize any of this.

He can’t remember and he feels like a hollow shell. He feels like less than that. Like a walking body with all the cogs and wheels still turning, making him alive but not much else.

If he doesn’t sink his nail into the tender skin of his thumb, he just won’t believe himself. Pain is the realest part of being alive. Especially the physical kind.

His breath shudders when he lets it out. The feeling when Levi wants to cry is more like a heavy boulder sitting on a thick sheet of ice. It cracks and whines dully under the weight all it wants, but he’s almost sure it’s not going to shatter.

So it sits there. And he sits here. Wanting to move but somehow unable. He’s just frozen.

That again reminds him of the bed. He sinks his blunt nail into his thumb and looks blandly at the dark crease left in its wake.

“Levi.” You crouch down in front of him. “I’m back.”

Whenever he let you in… it's a blur to him. Maybe you were doing his laundry or fixing his stationery, or comforting him, but he can’t remember where you left to, so he stares down at his clasped hands, half-comprehending your own holding them. He’s tired enough to feel, in great detail, the own weight to his hooded eyes. All his limbs feel like plastic.

“I love you,” he hears you murmur. You lay your lips on his hands.

His breath hitches slightly. The shock of hearing that, a rare time you choose to say that, is usually enough to make him turn away. He hangs his head as his hands begin to shake. Reality is creeping up on him.

“Can I get you out of these now?”

He still isn’t looking at your face, but he senses the kindness on it. Belts still wind their way around his uniform that he’s also still wearing.

His leathers creak as he pulls his hands from you, and loosely crosses his arms over his midsection. Everything is clean, so he must’ve put on a spare after they got back, but he doesn’t remember why. It made the most sense to him at the time, maybe.

He doesn’t remember where he slept last night, either, if he did, but probably not in the made bed below him. Has he gotten started on the death certificates yet?

He shakes his head, not to your question, but to rid his mind of his own. There are too many to rifle through. When’s the last time it was this bad?

“You don’t have to wear them, we’re safe in the barracks again,” you’re saying.

He blinks dully, listens as you keep going. Maybe you talked to Erwin… Your years of camaraderie isn’t new, but this relationship is, and Erwin knows Levi as well as Levi knows Erwin. If you ever needed guidance to Levi, not the captain but the man, Erwin is the one to talk to. He seems to know everything, anyway.

You’re in the barracks, it’s suppertime. You decided to come after not spotting him at today’s breakfast—he missed yesterday’s—and since his post-expedition paperwork is late. You’re terrible at math, same as Erwin, so Levi always butts in and gets it done before either of you can get started; Hange is too scatterbrained to help with everyone.

Since you walked in, you’ve been getting some basic chores out of the way for him. Levi showered two days ago, but not much else besides that... He’s had nightmares.

“Will you look at me, please?”

Orders are something he’s good at, the only thing he's good at right now, so Levi raises his head. You look solemn, and incredibly concerned.

You squeeze his knee. “Have you been listening?”

Blink. “…Yeah.” His voice grates from disuse, and he’s partly lying. He was listening, but he’s forgotten a majority of what you told him. He gets the major gist that he’s sunk into an episode.

And that’s when the distant alarm bells start to ring, because you’ve never been here for one of those. It’s hard to believe someone would want to deal with him when he’s like this, and so kindly. It’s almost too convenient.

If he wasn’t like this, he wouldn’t let you.

Again, you take his hand. “I’m right here, and I’m real, and I’m not going away… And you’re not going to wake up from this. Squeeze my hand.”

With renewed strength, he does. Focusing his energy into a task helps wake his dulled senses. Like moving through the bottom of a thick lake in hopes of reaching air.

His are so worn, skin rough and uncomfortably firm, callouses crafted by war, and scars by strife. Some of the former have torn open—a side effect from fighting on the field for so long—causing a few sores and uncomfortable scraping. Yours aren’t soft and unblemished, but nothing compares to his violence. It makes him feel unworthy. He holds tighter.

If his strength hurts you, you don’t show it. He doesn’t have the control over himself to take account of his aching back from being hunched in this position, let alone this. Confused is one word for it. Crazy is another.

He’s having an episode.

“I’m going to get you something more comfortable to wear, and then we’ll get you clean, and then I’m going to eat with you. Does that make sense?”

A plan. A set of activities to hold in his fist so he doesn’t get lost. “Yeah.”

You lean up, and nudge the lapels of his jacket open. It falls off his shoulders ungracefully, the sleeves indecisive about in or out. While his hands struggle to fix it to compensate for his empty mind, you loosen the belt across his chest, allowing the X-shaped harness on his upper back to sag away. The fixed square-shaped bracers on his lower back follow, then the leather criss-crossing his hips, thighs, knees, ending at the bottoms of his feet, which practically groan to be free of the constricting belts.

He watches you work with fixated ambivalence. It's definitely muscle memory that he got all this on in the first place.

His hands rise to sloppily unbutton his shirt when he realizes that part is over. You end up taking over while he sits, dazed, feeling guilt but not entirely realizing it through the rest of the emotional mud.

"Follow me, baby."

He grunts faintly, to show he understands. He struggles to fold it, to cross the arms so there's no unwanted creases or uneven folds. For some reason he chooses now to fumble for some control, and over this thing that doesn't matter.

When he eventually gets it, he stands, wavers around the unnatural vertigo, and trails into the bathroom. It's already filled, and steaming faintly.

He rubs his face with both hands. Steam. Something so simple and stupidly common. He can't stand bathhouses, and at the worst of times, cooking over a stove is a chore. There's some things that make everything else harder, and you can't turn it off.

Then you're in front of him, and his arms jerk in front of him in defense, eyes wide. You put your hands up in surrender, calm. "It's okay."

"Sorry," he mumbles. He rubs his face again. "I'm sorry."

Pushing off the rest of his clothes and getting in is, thankfully, a much smoother process. He winces as the hot water touches his scrapes and cuts, making his bruises pound faintly.

Still, there's a healing element to it. He feels the stress seep from his bones as you kneel, evidently intent on staying to help.

He fixes his jaw, too thankful to express in words, thankful to the point that it hurts.

He moves slowly, scoops water into his hair for you. Lavender rises up from your hands, and push through the thick strands.

Idle, he bends his knees to his chest, and gets lost.

The push and pull of the water. It’s hypnotic. He closes his eyes, sighing as your fingers once again ring through his hair.

“Talk to me,” he requests softly. All the usual firmness in his voice missing. He doesn’t know how to right now.

You slow. “Anything specific?”

“No.”

You pause, and then begin describing the beautiful nature in Yarckell District, someplace above where Levi grew up, but someplace too royal for him to ever have visited. Waterfalls tumble over rock faces, and deer openly frolic across stone walkways and through picnic clearings. It’s near where you grew up.

It makes him wonder, even awed, why you ever joined the Corps. Then again, and more selfishly, he’s thankful you did.

The bath water has taken up a grey lukewarm feeling by the time you pop the cork and it gradually drains.

He rings his hair through a towel before thinking of getting out and navigating getting dressed. It’s a nuisance when he’s like this, but while you heat up supper, he gets it done with a relative ease that would be nonexistent if you weren’t here.

A long pullover, trousers and briefs, socks. You know how much he refuses to walk anywhere, even in his own bedroom, on bare feet. The gesture touches his heart.

Warm steam wafts out of the bathroom with the door opened. He pauses with his hand on the doorway, and tries to get his bearings. It feels like he’s wearing a bad pair of glasses—everything looks too close, too big or small or just plain off.

This is… depressing. He wanders to the bedroom door, blinking absently. Straight in front of him is the modest sitting room, and past that, the door to his office. And across from the sitting room is the small kitchen. Navigating it still feels strange and unfamiliar to him.

You’ve made stew, a thick brothy smell trailing out from the kitchenette. Roasted vegetables and even a little beef. The expedition must have went well.

Then why? Why? Can he not win?

“How are you feeling?”

Everything feels too bright. It’s like some kind of dollhouse, and again, he’s disoriented. You ask again when you’re sat down beside him, your shares of stew set out.

He shakes his head lightly. Nothing so simple as dinner—he notices he’s savagely starving—or a bath, or even some company can magically cure him.

He swallows, and asks, “Are you leaving after this?”

“Not until you were asleep, so,” you smile bitterly, “probably not.”

He appreciates the humor. Just because he can never find something to giggle about, doesn’t mean he likes being surrounded by dead-eyed, monotone seriousness. There's enough to be depressed about.

You sat your chairs close together. He finds himself inching even closer to you while he eats, forcing himself to be neat and move slowly. He had a tendency of stuffing his face when he was a kid, mostly because whatever he had was all he had, and he needed to get it down before it rotted or got stolen. There’s no need to rush here, and the smooth hardy broth takes his mind away from his usual anxiety over his habits.

“Still hungry?”

He looks down and realizes there’s more left to drink than eat, and nods. The last time he ate, he can't remember, and for weeks it was tough military provisions, thick crackers that did the job, but not much else.

The expedition.

He asks when you sit back down with him. He can’t help it. “We made it back.”

“Yes.” You rub his back in slow-moving corpses. Circles. You rub his back.

He doesn’t get very far with his second bowl, and by the time he places the spoon down, his fingers are trembling again.

It doesn’t really matter if he remembers every detail, in the end. It’s variations of the same thing every time, the sort of trauma that would drive someone to alcohol or self-destruction if seen once. Soldiers die. Sometimes he’s sprayed with blood, and sometimes the blood is on his hands. Monsters always get fat on human guts. It’s all the same.

He supposes if he was heartless, then it would be different—sometimes he wishes he was—but that’s not what he gives his heart for.

But he’s used to pretending to be heartless. Being a machine more than a person exudes strength. It implies that if he’s broken, he can be fixed. It implies reliability. If the battle is going to hell, Captain Levi will be there to change the odds.

But he’s never been a machine, and right now, he’s just Levi. And he’s hurting.

What happens between the kitchen and the bed passes him by in a smudgy blur. Unsurprisingly, under your watch he’s in a bed at all, nestled under the warm weight of blankets, with his head sinking into the pillow. He’s still shaking.

He rolls over to you, and rests his head on your chest, his arm stretched across your middle. Your arms are there at once, holding him, and in all this comfortable silence, this peace, the first dry sob rises up in his chest. He’s shivering madly, or maybe trembling.

Your hold on him tightens, with your lips in his hair, moving. “I’ve got you… I know… I’ve got you.”

These wet things rattle their way through his chest silently. You hold him and let him bury his face in your neck as stinging water pricks his eyes and threaten to fall out. He might as well be fully awake now, and every time is so devastating. What has he been up to the last two days except rotting away in his head, unable to face this thing scratching and clawing in his chest, anxiously pacing for a way to be let out?

Reminding him you’re there is the most, and the only, thing he wants, because you can’t lie to him and say you always will be, or that things will be okay. They may not. Tomorrow, everything could change. All he can hold onto is now.

And now, he’s awake.

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[recollectionblue]

hey there ! leon here (26, he/him, est) with moon seonjae, (26, he/they) with the ability of second sight (precognition), settled in unit #301 to be closer to his (less cool) twin (eunjae !). he works at nite rite convenience and is just Trying His Best while overcome with the Visions and the weight of the future but hey, he's Trying ! i have a discord if you'd prefer that for plotting, so let me know, and i'm also over with bo gyuri (@contoursilver) but i'll be messaging/following from here for plots ! im super excited to meet/plot with you all !

tw substance abuse, addiction, anxiety/depression, brief period of being homeless below the cut !

THE BASICS . . . !

26 years old, born in '97, he/him, they/them, either/both is fine !

twin to moon eunjae, finally back together in #301

works at nite right convenience, usually the really late/morning hours

find him online @ FLASHDRAGON for his music, usually angsty/emo/rock guitar vibes if you're into that..

ability of second sight (precognition), he receives visions of his own future (at any interval of his life), but also whenever he touches people/objects with his skin he receives visions of Their future (also at any time period, he has no clue When!)

his eyes go completely white when he's overcome with a vision, and he usually just. Stops wherever he is until it's over, he usually can't hear/see anything But the vision so. only talk to him when it's over or he will Not hear you!

he also has the ability of clairvoyance, which allows him to locate people/places/objects through Intense Concentration that are not close to him and/or just to See their immediate environment. usually better if he's seen it himself in person, he can Try if he's given a photo, he's just usually pretty off or just plain wrong !

he is Always wearing gloves and usually is all covered up, and physical contact is just a big No ! for him out of his fear of getting triggered for a vision

usually pretty quiet/keeps to himself/is always listening to music because it is one of his Comfort Things and if you do see him, he's either using suppressants/substances to numb himself in order to avoid the Visions but it doesn't always completely get rid of them, anyways, but his distance/general spaciness is probably because he is just Out of It !

THE BACKSTORY . . . !

as soon as he develops his powers it's very much Not Okay. the weight of seeing things happen in intervals where he either doesn't know 1) when it will happen or 2) seconds before it does renders him completely frozen in his decisions. he witnesses them change three, four, ten times in different forms of visions and gets so swept up in it all he often confuses visions for memory, memory for visions, as he always sees them in first person

he doesn't tell anyone at first, but it starts small, he doesn't want to go to school, doesn't want to go outside. he starts shying away from physical touch and affection, and limits conversations. starts wearing clothes that cover all of his skin, and gloves, and it isn't long before it starts causing Issues because he can't just completely Stop Everything to hide in his room

the only thing that really brings him solace is listening to music, and so he starts writing/making his own to kind of explore his thoughts/experiences, because the noise fills up his mind in a way that feels better than empty/just full of visions. it's the only thing that doesn't cause it to happen for him, most of the time! he starts posting his music online under the alias FLASHDRAGON, but he's really in and out about it, doesn't really pay attention to if anything kicks off (though some of it does!)

since they develop around middle school, it becomes evident really quickly that seonjae is convinced this is more of a nightmare than the blessing his parents think it is, and by the time he graduates high school his mother is Done with having to accommodate him/the fact that he can barely do anything or talk to anyone and sends him to be with his aunt, farther out from the city and away from everything he's known

he's felt like a burden for years, and figures it's probably better even though leaving his twin eunjae behind is one of the hardest things he's ever done, even though he's convinced its the better thing to do

things with his aunt go well for awhile until they don't, and his aunt really wants nothing to do with him, either. he doesn't help around the house, doesn't make money, and doesn't go out, either, and fed up from years of just Being a Burden and Knowing It, he ends up leaving in the middle of the night

up until then, he's been pretty adamant on finding something to take to suppress his ability to try and function, but it doesn't always completely take his visions away, maybe lessens the frequency of them at best, but he still can't touch objects/people without usually at least getting one

they're expensive, and usually if he can't get his hands on something to nullify his ability, he usually turns to absolutely anything else to try and handle it, and doesn't care about the effects as long as it makes it easier to deal with the Visions

sometimes he pays for it using his clairvoyance to find something/somebody for those he's getting it from, but it's all he has to go off of as he kind of works his way around/surfs couches/sleeps on park benches. he can't keep jobs and he can't keep a place without any money and he needs it for the suppressants, so he does what he can to get by

he's like this for awhile until eunjae finds him one day and brings him back to the second chance collective, and he's so happy to be reunited with her after being away for the several years it's been that he convinces himself he's going to not mess This up too, and agrees to letting his information get shared to lessen the amount of money for the apartment so he can be close to her again

so he's in therapy! and he gets a job at nite rite convenience because of the late hours/limited human contact to try and make some money for his continued habits because he isn't too convinced he can handle his visions completely sober and hasn't done so in years, anyways and he's Scared !

and he's back to making music, now that he's got his own room again! its the only two resident complaints he's gotten in the three months he's been here, was that he was playing his music too loud to drown out the Horrors :/

THE PLOTS . . . !

you've heard/listened to his music and he's literally never met anyone before that's heard it and he's like . surprised that you relate/like it, and he's never shared it before with someone so it's just Personal, but he shares like, music he's never posted b/c he didn't like it, etc, it becomes an Activity that he shows you new stuff of his !

you just like listening to music in general and you'll listen to music with him in Silence and you both share music back and forth and it's very Nice, and he appreciates just the simplicity of communicating through music because it's the easiest way he knows how to connect with others !

you come into nite rite convenience so often he knows your name and what you usually like to get. you make small talk, it's easy, maybe you both figure out you live at the collective but you just hadn't run into each other before and it goes from there !

if you are looking for .. substances ,, he is willing to share . anything to avoid the horrors he Gets it .

if YOU have substances or you know of someone who does then . he is saving contacts !!

he accidentally brushes up against you/touches an object of importance to you and gets a vision of your future and so he feels like he Has to tell you, and maybe he's afraid of what he sees/has never spoken to you before/is nervous about your reaction but he can't not tell you, and so he tries to figure out how to do that without looking Crazy that he knows this about you / you even believing him in the first place .

you are looking for someone/something and you come to him to see if he can find out where they are/see how they are but you only have a photo/object of theirs and he keeps getting it incredibly wrong but he's sticking it out with you to keep trying until you do

anything!! enemies, friends, they keep bumping into each other wtf, he crashed on your couch once, you have beef with him because once he didn't pay for something/has a debt with you and he owes you and he remembers he Promises, he's going to get the money soon !!

anyways long ass intro but like this and we'll be in your dm's soon (seonjae sees it in your future ooo), let me know if you'd rather discord and we can move there, thanks for reading <3 !

[unhetalia]

what if Arthur realizes his feelings too late? Like Alfred getting over his feelings for Arthur and realizing they might be better off as friends? [hi. I like angst sometimes)

Haven't been feeling well so I'm sorry for the late reply! Also just want to thank you (I'm assuming you're the same person?) because I always love all your questions!

I LOOOOVE angst as well and one day I'll inundate you with some of my horrible no good angst ideas that always seems geared to torture Alfred.

So I will say that usually it's Alfred I torture with unrequited love BUT because I also like Ivan and Alfred I do actually have a few where Arthur is "too late".

One super angsty scenario I have comes from my belief that Alfred would never even TRY getting over Arthur unless something big happens. I think if he was in love with Arthur and he believed Arthur didn't love him back, he'd just be like "oh well, let me just live my life, have fun, be a hero, remain in love but don't make a big deal out of it". So I weirdly don't actually see an Alfred moving on scenario without a catalyst.

So in this angsty plot, there's a misunderstanding - Alfred decides to go for it. He kisses Arthur and Arthur kisses back. They fall into bed together. Alfred gets the D and everything is perfect! Except two weeks later he walks in to find Arthur fucking someone else.

Because Arthur truly believed Alfred just wanted a one night stand. That's always now Arthur's worked, and he thought everyone knew that. (Obviously this is a different universe to Arthur's pursuit of Alfred leading to a feelings realisation that I've written about before - here he hasn't reached that point.)

Alfred is ABSOLUTELY gutted, and this is what makes him decide that okay, he has to actively get rid of these feelings because it is harming him. (Not as easy as how I've written it, but the point is Alfred actively decides he has to move on.)

Enter Ivan.

I haven't talked a lot about how I view the Ivan and Alfred relationship other than how much I believe it's softer than it's portrayed, but I actually think that Ivan and Alfred understand each other more than Arthur and Alfred do. I can talk about how me preferring the couple who understands each other less is due to my own beliefs about relationships being work rather than poetic puzzle pieces fitting together, but this would get too long. ALL I AM SAYING IS, Ivan sees Alfred more fully than Arthur does, and Alfred sees Ivan more fully than he does Arthur.

However, Ivan is not a man of action when it comes to emotions. He sees Alfred, he likes what he sees. He admires him, adores him, basks in his warmth... but he lets opportunities pass him by. So, in any universe where Arthur gets his shit together, no matter how long it takes, Arthur and Alfred will end up together.

In this angsty scenario, Alfred stops waiting, and looks elsewhere, and he sees Ivan. Ivan who respects him, who thinks he's clever and funny. So he's the one who pursues Ivan, and once Ivan realises what Alfred's offering he's full speed ahead. He's a loving, doting partner, everything Alfred could ever want and more. Ivan challenges him, comforts him, never ever strays from him.

He fully falls in love with Ivan - and no part of him will wish for Arthur ever again. There's no wistfulness, no thinking of what could have been. He'll firmly believe that all roads lead to Ivan.

Of course, that's when Arthur realises just exactly what he wants and what he's lost.