#but the problem was DF loved him too

[carlatsukinamistolemyhamsandwich]

Unpopular opinion: the Tsukinamjs and Karl Heinz should have interacted more

We do get a couple of scenes of Carla interacting with Karl in DF, and Shin briefly interacts with him in his 

I think Carla’s observations on Karl are interesting and it might have been nice to have them interact as they’re some of the oldest (living in the case of DF) characters in the series but as I’m not Karl’s greatest fan, I’m not too bothered by the way things are ^^;; (although I would have paid good money for a scene where Shin and Carla kicked his ass).

[one-piecee]

#ONEPIECE1049

Woo. Okay. Lots of different reactions to this chapter, but let's just dive in-

Chapter title: The world you wish for

First off, might be interesting to mention that on the cover page we see Yonji and Niji inside Mont d'Or s books, but someone lit them on fire so they're able to escape now... who could it? Perhaps Ichiji, I mean he does have the fire powers doesn't he? Oh well-

So in this chapter, we kind of get a glimpse on Kaido's past!! Some information we got:

At ten years old, Kaido was considered to be the strongest soldier of the Vodka Kingdom [Note how Kaido is from the Vodka Kingdom, and he's always drinking? Oda thinks he's so funny]

Also, this might have already been stated but I never caught on but 44 years ago, he was 15 years old which makes him 59 now!

3. He was given to the Navy at 13 years old as collateral, or "Celestial Tribute" to ensure that the Vodka Kingdom could have a place at the Reverie.

4. He got his first bounty at 13 years old with 70 Million Berries

5. We previously got some information about his captures, and apparently he gets captured by the Navy so he could get some food and then escapes. This man is completely unhinged, he got captured 18 times by the Navy simply to get food.

6. Approached by Whitebeard when he was 15 years old (who was part of Rocks' pirate crew at the time) and told that Rocks is interested in him - he really was such a big name already at 15 that he got noticed and recruited by the most powerful pirate crew.

7. Then we get to God's Valley and of course get no extra information except-

STOP. SLEEPING. ON. GARP'S. NAME.

This is not new information per se, but I just want to reiterate it because everyone is always sleeping on Garp's name! Sure he teamed up with Rogers to do it but this was the strongest pirate crew at the time. Rocks. Whitebeard. Big Mom. Kaido.

8. There's some weird old lady in his past that seems to spur a lot of things on for him...

Might be his mother? She looks sort of familiar, a little Yamato-esque I'm not going to lie, and they look similar. I wonder if we'll find out who she is because she seems relevant. I mean, this is what she tells Kaido-

[Edit: I completely forgot about this lady but thanks to @danwhobrowses i was reminded: "the old lady is Kurozumi Higurashi, the old lady who pushed Orochi to plot against the Kozuki and gave him his DF, she had Bon Clay's DF before Kaido killed her for posing as Momo and distracting Oden"

If you study history, humans have always resorted to brutality to solve the world's problems. But then again, humans are just like any other animal. "Survival of the fittest" is our true nature.

Seems to shape much of Kaido's own views because he goes around to later tell his crew:

Let's show all those "peace-loving nobles" the hell-ish reality of war!! One's worth can only truly be gauged in battle!! Where everyone is equal and anarchy reigns free.

Kaido is just obsessed with fights, and proving your worth in battle. It's shown a lot in his past too, he was the strongest soldier in his kingdom by the age of 10, sold to the navy by the age of 13 because of his strength and ever since has never been defeated. He is obsessed with the idea of looking for someone who can defeat him - because he thinks whoever defeats him will be Joy Boy.

Remember I mentioned some chapters ago that Kaido believes that he is Joy Boy? Well, clearly that's not the case. When he said "So you couldn't be Joy Boy either?" to Luffy he wasn't referring to himself, but to everyone to go up against him and fail to defeat him.

He's been waiting patiently for that man to appear. 20 years ago he found out that Oden was waiting for Joy Boy in Wano and believed he would appear, so he resided himself in Wano to wait for Joy Boy. Another interesting question: King was waiting for Joy Boy? For what reason?

Anyways!! So back to the present!!

So Luffy is punching Kaido right, and Kaido asks

What kind of world do you want to make?

A world where my friends can eat as much as they want-

That's my kind of world!!!

And Kaido falling down after this, and after he expresses the fact that whoever defeats him will be Joy Boy - King saying "I don't think he'll ever appear"

And the lanterns coming up:

Please vanquish the scary dragon.

Restore the Kozuki clan.

Here's my thing now. This dragon is clearly not Kaido, it's Momo (after saving Onigashima and Onigashima landing safely!) Luffy is falling. Where's Kaido? It seems like he's done (seeing the lanterns and the emotional impact) but is he really?

My reaction to this is: I'm okay with it either way. If he' defeated or not. And I understand that some people wanted more from Kaido, and more from his flashback - but the hate? Saying Wano is trash if this is it? That's all agenda talk. Shut up, this was a great chapter. Luffy did so much.

Break next week, this is gonna be a tough two weeks.

[yuikomorii]

Your detailed opinions on Christa?

// I am aware that Christa is Karlheinz’ victim too, she didn’t deserve what happened to her, I feel bad for her but nobody can’t deny that the woman got SERIOUS issues.

Christa was happy to marry her own cousin because she fell for him,she was obsessed with him and she wanted him to only love her. The thing is, it was implied that Karlheinz didn’t force her to sleep with him but what counts as rap€ is the fact that he impregnated her without consent,while using her. What Karl did is beyond disgusting, since he manipulated her emotions but the fact that she put the blame on Subaru is something gross too. This woman hold Subaru responsible for getting her filthy when it wasn’t even his fault at all for being born and I know sometimes she was loving but still.

I’ve seen many people calling Laito disgusting for sleeping with his mom or making jokes about that but when it comes to Christa, everyone is like”Oh no,poor innocent baby!” Both cases imply manipulation but at least Laito didn’t like what was happening between him and Cordelia. Inc€st is something revolting even for vampires. When Ayato was younger,he tried to warn Laito that what he was doing with Cordelia was wrong. If even a child got a better moral compass than a literal woman then…that sounds like a big problem ://

If I hear another person calling Christa soft and innocent I will cry a river because out of all moms,she’s probably the most malicious one???She literally POISONED Yui.I mean,yeah,she thought that was Cordelia and she hated her because they used to fight for Karl’s love yet just like the actions of the Diaboys,what she did to Yui is inexcusable.And I swear,I have no clue why so many people compare Yui to Christa saying that they are alike…Don’t diss my sweet,cheerful and lively Yui like that😭😭

I was really expecting her to get a good redemption arc but lol nope.In DF,they made Cordelia actually likeable.Yes,this didn’t justify what she did in the past but at least they gave her a personality and her conversations with Yui were so entertaining and sweet.Whereas,Rejet failed so bad in Christa’s case.This woman might not have a bad soul but she can’t be fixed and I wish this company knew how to handle characters with mental illnesses better ://

[thechangeling]

And maybe one day I'll get around to fixing myself too

Ok so I was actually planning on writing a Cristina centric fic for a while now, but I talked to @littlx-songbxrd recently about her realizing that she's actually a two (enneagram) and I think Cristina is as well. So now I'm dedicating this fic to Zia and all the other twos out there!

I hope you like it.

Also minor trivia, Cristina calling Mexico City DF comes from Distrito Federal which in 2016 was changed to Ciudad de México or CDMX.

Cw: Anxiety and panic attacks.

Cristina had gotten quite used to holding her breath.

Over the years, for as long as she could remember she was always forgetting to breathe. Or at least Cristina told herself it was forgetting. That was more comfortable then the alternatives. That she liked the feeling of her lungs burning?

No she was probably just used to it.

And Cristina knew deep down why she had so much stress. Why she couldn't breathe. She was always taking on everyone else's problems and making them hers. Not that she minded of course.

I just want to help. That's what she always said.

To Emma when she came to her with relationship troubles or anxiety about the future, or to her mother when she worried about money and running the institute. Or even to Mark and Kieran when they came to her with.. with their absolutely everything.

She certainly wasn't bitter. Not in the slightest. She loved caring for the people she loved. She believed in doing good and making the world a better place.

But for how long now had it come at this expense of her own feelings? Her own sanity?

Jaime had once said that she was too soft. She was too soft and she loved a problem she could fix and that made her prone to latching onto broken and damaged people.

She hadn't realized at the time that he was talking about himself.

And it had taken a long time to stop blaming herself. When she had walked into the garden that night and heard Jaime drunkenly telling Diego about how they should be the Rosales family in charge of the what she knew then as the DF institute (or Distrito Federal).

He was telling Diego about how he should marry her to gain control of the institute and Jaime would become her Parabatai.

But he would have the harder job.

Those were his exact words.

She had ran that day, too scared and overwhelmed to process what had happened. Cristina was unwilling to process any of her emotions surrounding that night so she buried it and moved on. Found new people to take care of.

But there was always that nagging question at the back of her mind that kept her awake at night.

Why wasn't I good enough? Why didn't he want me as his friend anymore? Or did he ever?

She found herself so unable to summon any anger towards either of them no matter how much she knew they probably deserved it. Not that she was even really trying to. Even if she was the slightest bit angry for what had happened, it didn't matter now.

What she felt didn't matter, it was over.

Cristina put her energy into helping Emma and The Blackthorns. Because they needed her. They needed a lot more then just what she could offer but Cristina was willing to try. She was willing to give her new best friend and her strange but wonderful family all she had. Because it was right and they deserved it.

They were all so kind and good, she could see it in they way they all loved each other fiercely and devotedly.

In a way that no one had ever really loved her.

But that didn't matter. It wasn't importent.

When Mark Blackthorn had first come into her life he was so scared, confused and overwhelmed. He barely even remembered who he was in the beginning. And then he had reached for her. And she had been sure to never let go.

Cristina adored him. Adored his kindness and his strength. She adored his strange little quirks that didn't really make sense to anyone, not even Kieran. But they didn't need to understand him to love him.

Kieran was different, in the sense that he didn't ask for her help. In fact he despised her in the beginning. And when she looked into that icy glare, so full of revulsion and contempt, she probably should have been afraid or at least cautious.

But she was curious. She was fascinated by this faerie who possessed so much passion and gentleness all at once, who looked at Mark with so much clear devotion in his gaze but also seemed so desperate. So broken.

She wanted to reach inside him and do all she could to meld the peices back together same as Mark.

Or was his heart ever whole? Kieran contained to be a mystery containing multitudes and there was still so much even now that she still didn't know. She wished she could tell him how badly she needed it. Needed to know everything so she could help him and be there for him.

All she wanted to do was heal his broken heart. To build him up until he was good as new.

Emma had pointed out that her affinity for tragic damaged heroes might have inevitably lead her to both him and Mark. And she may have been right.

But Cristina never viewed herself as any sort of savior. She didn't even need the credit or any gratitude. The smiles on her boys faces and that soft lightening of Kieran's hair to a sky blue was payment enough.

However, as happy as it made her to help, to give, the past few weeks had been incredibly taxing. She had volunteered to take on extra work for Alec while he and Magnus were in vacation and also told Helen and Haline that she would help start training their daughter while they searched for a more permanent tutor.

She was happy to do it of course. It was just that between her own work, her extra responsibilities, Kieran having been too busy to visit the cottage lately and her trying to help Mark deal with his grief and frustration over being separated from him for so long, as well as her own feelings....

Well, Cristina was possibly slightly overwhelmed.

But it was fine. It was what she told herself over and over again when she couldn't sleep or when she was forgetting to breathe. It was fine. She dug her fingernails into her palms and did her paperwork as her body shook and she tried to stop the pen from moving haphazardly all over the page.

She was fine. She checked the clock. It was three in the morning. She had three more hours before she had to be up to portal to LA for her training session with Ellie. Her lungs burned and she took in another shakey gasp.

Cristina was fine. She could feel tears beginning to prickle her eyes as her chest heaved. It had been months since she had seen Kieran or corresponded with him. She wasn't even sure if he was ok. It wasn't as though General Winter or any of the other fae in Kieran's court would care enough to tell either her or Mark if something had happened.

Cristina clasped a hand over her mouth to stop herself from sobbing out loud. Mark was still asleep in bed next to her desk and she didn't want to wake him. She slid carefully off of her chair and sat underneath the desk she and Mark shared in their room at the New York institute.

Being under something had always made her feel safer for some reason. And hiding away so that she could hide her tears was how she made sure no one felt obligated to take care of her.

Cristina gasped frantically, her breathing had become even more erratic. Her vision was blurring and she could hear a slight pounding in her ears. She tried to gasp for air again but she couldn't inhale.

"Cristina?" Mark murmered sleepily.

All she could do was whine frantically in response.

"Oh Tina," Mark dismayed. "Where are you? Are you under the desk?"

Before Cristina could respond, his concerned face appeared in front of her as he crouched down. "What is it my love?" He cooed, slowly reaching for her.

She instinctively flinched on impact without thinking. The feeling of someone touching her caused her already rapid wheezing to pick up. She whimpered, glutching at the front of her shirt. The entire thing was soaked in sweat.

Mark looked even more concerned. "Cristina, I think you might be having a panic attack. I need you to take some deep breaths for me ok? Slowly."

Cristina let out a frustrated grunt. That was what she had been trying to do the entire time! But still she listened to Mark and tried to slow her breathing.

"It's going to be alright Tina," he whispered to her.

But it wasn't. It was never going to be alright. Kieran had been unreachable for months, she had made all these promises to people and now she was failing them, the paperwork was piling up and she was failing everyone and she had woken Mark up because she was too weak to handle a bit of stress and she hadn't called her mother back like she was supposed to and she was a failure she was pathetic and by the angel she couldn't breathe she couldn't breathe couldn't breathe couldn't-

"-need you to focus," Mark was saying, squeezing her hand. "Deep slow breaths Cristina. Try inhaling for four, holding it for seven and exhaling for eight. Please Cristina."

She didn't want to, but Cristina listened to him. She focused on Mark's face and stared into his mismatched eyes as she followed the pattern he gave her. She had always thought his eyes were stunning. A clear example of everything faerie about him, what made him different.

She adored it all. Every single part of him right down to his fingernails. He was hers.

No, he was theirs.

Thoughts of Kieran reentered her mind. But now instead of feeling panicked, Cristina was just drained.

"What's wrong?" Mark asked tentatively.

Cristina couldn't answer. She couldn't explain exactly why she was so upset. She felt so ridiculous for causing such drama. But underneath it all, she was just sad.

Cristina wanted to weep, and for the first time in years or maybe longer, she wanted to weep for herself. But she didn't.

"I miss him," she admitted. "I miss him so much."

Mark looked crestfallen. "Oh Christina," he murmered. "I do as well. I wish you would have come to me with this."

Cristina shook her head. "It's not just that. It's-" she gestured around her frantically. "Everything!" She attempted to control her breathing. "I made all these promises, and I have all of these things to do."

Mark placed a hand on her arm. "Tina why didn't you just ask for help?" He asked gently. "Ask me for help?"

Cristina laughed out loud at the absurdity of the question. "Because I didn't want to make you take care of me. I don't want to be selfish."

Mark looked puzzled. "Is it selfish for me to like it when you look after me then?"

Cristina shook her head. "Of course not!"

Mark smiled softly. "Then why wouldn't the same be true for you?" He tenderly stroked her hair, tucking a peice behind her ear.

Cristina sighed. "I'm not sure. I just know it isn't." She knew how ridiculous it sounded, but she just couldn't help it. She had never been able to let herself be taken care of. She couldn't worry about her own wounds without feeling like a horrible person. So she would just give and give and give, slicing off peices of herself to give away to Mark and Kieran. To her friends and family and even people she barely knew.

And Cristina knew she would just cut until there was nothing left and she faded into nothing. Because death was preferable to having to say the dreaded words.

Help me.

Mark studied her for a moment. "Tina, you are always so generous and kind. You have such a good heart and I love you for wanting to take care of everyone, but you can't just forget about yourself." He gently cupped her cheek with his right hand.

"It doesn't make you a bad person to ask for help. Ok? Please tell me you'll try to ask for it when things get to be too much."

Cristina wanted to argue with him but she couldn't. Not when he was looking at her like that. She leaned into his hand, chasing the warmth.

"Ok," she resigned. "Ok I'll try."

Tag list: @lavender-scented-rat   @littlx-songbxrd @queenlilith43 @arangiajoan   @have-a-holly-jolly-angstmas @tired-vin @phoenix-and-dragon @amchara-fic @wagner-fell @sandersgrey @the-wckd-powers @spooky-drusilla @the-blackdale

[tobi-momo]

Your Cupid

a/n: hihihihihidihgl;df im finally posting again!! so sorry to take so long! also- im so so so sorry if this is bad i really wanted to post so i kninda rushed the end, and ik its long im so sorry😭 also i hope you find out soon in the fic and interpret yourself but just to let you know the title is referring to Oikawa, not Iwa.

Pairing(s): Iwaizumi Hajime x reader | Oikawa x reader (PLATONIC)

Genre: Slowburn!!! Romance, Fluff, Angst, Comfort

Warnings: Cursing, i think that's it?

Word Count: 4k

Synopsis: Being childhood best friends with Oikawa meant you weren't going to hear the end of it when it came to volleyball, when you finally agreed to become the Seijoh manager, he suddenly started to regret introducing you to his other best friend, Iwaizumi.

It wasn’t your choice, being here. You were forced to come, Tooru practically dragging you to the gym while you whine and complain, his cocky smile and fake charm trying it’s best to convince you to stop resisting. You barely know a thing about volleyball, even though always going to Tooru’s games and helping him practice when you were little, you never really caught the whole jist of the sport. He vowed to help you, to always be there when you have questions about it.

So with an elongated sigh, and a pinch to the bridge of your nose, you agree. You would become the manager of the Seijoh Volleyball Club.

~.~.~.~

The first practice you had attended consisted of balls flying, smacking aggressively on the ground; your eyes not being able to keep up with them, instead finding entertainment in the players instead. Tooru had introduced you to them, each of them holding their hand out for you to grab and shake gently before letting go and subtly wiping your hands on your uniform. He had mentioned another best friend, one that he had been trying so hard to get you to meet, wanting to complete his holy trinity. When you refused to go anywhere he would moan in defeat, collapsing on your bed while fake pouting and turning around to pretend that “y/n doesn’t love me anymore”. You would always just hit him with a pillow after that, resulting in an all out war. You had assumed the other guy refused as well, as Tooru never mentioned if his poor friend desired to meet you.

You guessed even after the ace met you for the first time the desire still never came up, his nonchalant nod and monotone greeting of his name showing proof of that, even before he turned around to walk away without a care in the world. He never took your hand, he never even looked at you; must have been too busy, throwing the ball in the air before running and leaping upwards, smacking the ball on the other side of the court, a loud grunt bleeding through his throat when he misses his target, running to and under the net to receive the ball. You watched him, pupils stuck on the way his body moved so flawlessly through the air, the way his rough, calloused hand hits the ball, making it mold around his palm and forcing it through the air without resistance, the loud slap that echoed throughout the gym when the ball made contact with the polished floors, the annoyed glare he made when the ball didn’t go where it was supposed to.

Snap. Snap. Snap.

“Y/nnnnnnn,” Tooru mewled, his fingers waving in front of your face, his fingers snapping together to grab your attention. His head turns, eyes widening dramatically when he finds what you were so distracted by.

Only regret ran through his mind at that moment.

~.~.~.~

You had attended most of Tooru’s games, but you had never really paid attention, as your eyes kept drifting towards the scoreboard and the clock, impatiently waiting for the final whistle to be blown. This game however, was different. Your attention was nailed to this game, your hair pulled back and your hands gripping the rotation sheet ever so tightly, your breath coming in hitches when the score rises, the atmosphere becoming so much more intense than you remember.

Awe was painted all over your face as you gaze at your best friend setting the ball so beautifully among the court, it flying towards the wing spiker just in time for him to strike it down on the other side of the net, gusts of wind following after- the hair of the libero on the other team fluffing up as they stare at the number four player. You watch him smirk in victory and his hands balling up in congratulating fists. The rest of his teammates whooped and cheered, patting him harshly on the back, a shared smile between him and Tooru before their knuckles joined in a tiny bump before returning to their sides.

Then, his eyes went to yours. The sweat dripping down his heated face and his heaving chest disappeared after you caught a glimpse of his green iris’. They were piercing; cutting into your brain and engraving themselves in your memory. How were you ever going to get them out of your mind?

You didn’t notice him walking towards you, his arms slightly swaying back and forth as he walked, his quiet footsteps picking up speed only a tad towards you. Then, as your mouth opens in an attempt to speak, the light of his green eyes floods your pupils when the words catch in your throat. “I- you were-”

“Y/n-chan! How’d you think of the game? Being so up close and personal like that has to make a difference from the stands, right?” Tooru’s voice bleeds straight into your hearing, interrupting your stutter. This was one thing you’d have to thank him for later.

~.~.~.~

“Wait, I’m confused, what’s that for?” You point to an arrow on your clipboard, looking up in confusion towards anyone who would listen. The captain was busy announcing whatever he wanted to the team, making them groan in annoyance and roll their eyes, Tooru only continuing with his story.

“What’s what for?” You heard from beside you, the low grumble of his voice seeping into your ears, making you jump backwards. The palms of his hands move to grip your arms firmly so as to not let you lose balance, his rough fingers wrapping around the flesh of your arm to pull you back up. He only stares, more of a glare, if you were being honest. He looked madly confused, or it may have been his resting bitch face, you don’t know. It wasn’t until you were back on your feet when you decided to speak up again, subtly avoiding eye contact by letting your eyes zip from random item to item, finding purchase on the metal clip of the plastic board you were holding.

“Uhm, I’m just confused about what play this is,” you say, your finger pointing towards the specific circle and arrow you were questioning. His head tilts downward, his eyebrows furrowing as he narrows in towards your problem, a hand on his chin.

“That’s a back row attack.”

“A what?” You question, looking up towards him for an explanation, only finding his eyes still stuck on the paper.

“A back row attack. It’s when a hitter from the back row jumps up towards the ten-foot line and hits the ball on the other side,” he abbreviates, a little hand gesture making its way through the air.

“Oh, really? How would that work? Why wouldn’t the setter just toss the ball to a front row player?” Volleyball gets more confusing everytime you think about it. He glimpsed up at you, took a short breath, then shifted his feet, like he was getting ready for a long conversation; you just stood there, waiting for him to explain a little bit more before taking a quick look around the gym, the cart of balls standing out to your line of vision. You hold a smirk, his head following your movements as you turn around to set the clipboard on the bench and walk towards the cart full of balls, picking one up and bouncing it on the floor.

A single eyebrow raises, but he still follows you to the court. “So, if I were to toss...to,” you put a finger on your chin, pondering, “back there,” you point to middle-back, taking a step towards the spot, “where would I be over here?”

He understood immediately, nodding his head as his legs made their way to you, scaling the court with narrow eyes once he halts beside you. “Well, depending on the play and the rotation, you could be anywhere on the court, so you could toss to them from pretty much any position.” His explanation sounded brief, vague. It was just enough for you to get the idea, though.

“Uh, go stand over there,” he urges, pointing to the middle back position. “Do you know how to hit a ball?” You look at him incredulously, feeling a little embarrassed to say you barely know how to do your approach.

“Not...really?” You compromise, shrugging as you backpedal to the back row position.

“Here,” he jogs up to you, handing you the ball, “take this and go to where I was just now.” You comply, heading over to that position, shifting the ball between your hands. “Give me one.”

“What?” You question him as he pulls his ankle back up towards his back, stretching his quad.

“Toss me one and watch me.” Oh.

You do as told, under-handingly tossing the ball up towards the ten foot line, studying his footwork. His form was perfect, you thought, his right foot leading his approach until he jumps into the air, practically flying flawlessly as his arm comes up behind him at a perfect angle to shoot the ball straight down one of the back corners.

The setter on the other side of the court could see the sparkle in your eyes, the glistening of awe in your face as you admire his best friend. He had a feeling you would like him once you met him, but not like this. The idea of you two suddenly being fond of each other ate away at him, like he was about to lose someone. Maybe two.

~.~.~.~

Away games were the worst. You hated sharing a small bus with smelly boys who don’t know a thing called “boundaries”. They hover over you, their arms flailing and their mouths running. You were annoyed, to say the least, trying to refrain from rolling your eyes at the boy's antics, crossing your arms to separate yourself from them. You didn’t even get the chance to sit next to Tooru, who got stuck on the inside of Kindaichi, messing around with Matsukawa and Makki.

You were uncoincidentally stuck with the captain’s best friend, Iwaizumi. You didn’t mind him of course, as he would put Tooru’s ego in place and tell everyone to shut up before you explode on them. You didn’t know if he noticed your irritation, your bugged eyes staring out the window, your head leaning against the glass. His head was also turned your way, you guessed to doze off to the moving trees outside, but you didn’t notice the way his eyes focused on your hair, subconsciously trying to count the strands while you look away, your eyelids drooping downwards ever so often.

Your dreary state was interrupted by a plastic water bottle being caught in the air, your nose coming face to face with a hand- the hand of the man sitting next to you, you infer.

“Guys, what the hell did I just say? Stop throwing shit around!” He yells towards his teammates, their playful demeanor turning pensive, their heads rotating away guiltily.

“Thanks,” you mutter, the words barely leaving your throat when he pulls away.

“No problem,” he dismisses, forcing himself to not glance up at you when he shoves the bottle in Makki’s hands.

“Hey- what the hell?” Makki whines.

“It’s yours, dumbass, take it.”

~.~.~.~

The red marker covering the white page gawked at you, showing you how you weren’t good enough for anything better. You couldn’t look at it any longer, the bottom lip of your frown quivering before you bring the inside of your elbow up to your mouth, muffling your sniffles and absorbing the steamy tears that scurry down your raw cheeks. You were better than this, what the hell is wrong with you?

Hiding in the storage closet wasn’t a good idea, The initial plan was clever, sneaking in there to calm yourself down before practice, needing to keep an optimistic mindset. That plan was ruined as soon as you broke down though, slow, and quiet but clear footsteps closing in on the door, like they were leaning their ear in to listen. Your mind hadn’t kept up with the time, as you hiccupped and sobbed even after the door was opened and light shined through the dark.

“Y/n?” You whipped your head away, refusing to look at them as you deal with your mortification. They scoot in, shutting the door until only a little line of light cracked through. “Y/n, what happened?” They sat next to you, closely you may add, dipping their head down to try and see your face. You avoid them, trying your hardest not to cry in front of them. “Don’t turn away from me, look at me,” they hush, placing their fingertips on your forearms, gently pulling them towards their direction, your head hanging down as your arms are removed from your mouth. “Look at me.”

You sniffle with exhaustion as you drag your head up, finally letting them inspect your glassy eyes, tears continuing to run down without fail. They had felt the hot liquid stream down their thumb as they wiped it away from your face, caressing your cheek as you fret.

“Do you want to talk about it?”

You shake your head.

“Do you want my help?”

You nod. And you don’t move away when you find the vice captain’s hand reaching behind your head to cradle it as you whimper in his shoulder.

~.~.~.~

Study sessions with Iwaizumi became a regular thing. Whether it was him coming to your house and staying for dinner, or it was you falling asleep on his desk, you two never stopped doing it. Even after your grades went back up, the red marker leaving your memory almost completely when you get your new tests back. He gave you a look of approval, nodding his head a single time to show his acknowledgement. He wasn’t surprised when you came up to him and tugged him into a tight embrace, his large hands coming to hold your figure like second nature. He was used to this, your excited hugs and your bursts of energy and your lack of an attention span and your bright and sunny nature. It was funny to him how much other people burn you out, like a dying fire that needs more gasoline.

The second your body hit his, a breath slipped out, creating a little chuckle that filled your ears, the cozy warmth of his chest slightly leaning into you.

“Finally! I finally did it. Proud ‘a me?” You smirk at him, feeling a little full of yourself at the moment.

“Sure, sure, yeah,” he replies, slowly shoving your body off his, your feet stumbling as you let go of him, struggling to find balance. The hands wrapped around your arms keep you firmly planted on the ground, gently letting go the moment you stop moving around. They dive straight into his pockets, his head lifting to see your cheery expression. “You did good.”

You only smile in response, opening your mouth before a hand was planted on your shoulder.

“Y/n-chan! How’d you do? I heard trusty Iwa-chan helped you study!”

“Shut up, Shittykawa,” Iwaizumi grumbles.

“I did really well, thanks to trusty Iwa-chan,” you emphasize, a glare shooting your way once the sound of your voice finds Iwaizumi’s ears. He didn’t like that. Tooru giggled, his hand half-covering his mouth to ‘try’ and stifle his laugh.

“Well, I did amazing too, in case you guys wanted to know.” A cocky grin made its way through Tooru’s face.

“We didn’t.”

“That’s awesome, Tooru!”

“Yeah, yeah, I know, I’m amazing.”

“Shut up, Crappykawa,” you and Iwa both chant in unison.

“Aw, c’mon, you guys!”

~.~.~.~

“I have to admit something, Y/n,” Tooru blurts in your room while he sits on your bed, his head hanging low while his fingers trace the thread patterns of your blanket. You spin your chair to face him, the atmosphere brought down when you see his quiet expression. Oikawa Tooru was never quiet.

“I thought letting you two meet was a good idea, I wanted us to be the power trio,” he strained a chuckle. “I just didn’t know that you two would become more than friends.” Your eyes expand, your breath immediately slowed and your movements coming to a full stop.

‘What do you mean by that, Tooru?”

“You know what I mean,” he waves you off dismissively. “I see the way you look at him, Y/n. I see the way he looks at you. I’m like the biggest third wheel in the world.”

You were confused, shocked. Was what was coming out of his mouth true? Did you really have different feelings about him than anyone else? Did he have them for you?

“I was mad, at first.”

“What?”

“Yeah. Like, really mad. I didn’t want you guys to have all that lovey-dovey stuff together when I’m right here, you know,” he gestures to himself; your head tilts in understanding, nodding. “I guess you could say I was jealous. It just irked me that you two never wanted to meet and then when you do you immediately fall head over heels for each other, completely ignoring the fact that I was the one to bring you two together.” He didn’t feel left out, like he did before, though. He had watched you two for a while, realizing that you two need him just as much as he needs you and you two need each other. He felt as if this was really who he belonged with. You guys.

You just stared at him, the cogs in your brain trying their best to process his words, your fingers coming together into a fidget. Your wide eyes landed on his, and although his pupils were nailed to the bed, you could see the sadness that didn’t belong. His eyebrows were furrowed in a way that made him look like he was worried, regretful, yet his lips stayed thinned together as his hair dangled in front of him. You could tell he was trying really hard to say this. Even if it was The Oikawa Tooru, he wasn’t invincible.

You try to recall all the times you’ve met with Iwaizumi, all the conversations you had, all the tiny contact you made when your fingers had mistaken each other’s arm or fingers for the textbook, all the times he caught your lingering gaze, but refused to let it go, the times he caught up with you after practice, slightly jogging towards you and stopping once he reaches the same spot as you- you naturally having to speed up every once in a while as his legs were much longer than yours.

“You’re right,” you mumble, your words coming out slow and smooth, your eyes focusing back on him from the blurry space you just dropped yourself in. His eyes have a double-take on your face, moving back and forth from the blanket to your face of realization. “I do like him more than a friend. And it’s because of you.” His back stretches upwards, sitting up straight. “So, thank you, Tooru.” It was now his turn to be utterly stunned- thank...you? “I’m glad you convinced me to join the volleyball club, to meet Iwaizumi, to allow us to have these experiences together, thank you.”

What could he say? “Your welcome”? It seemed unfit for the situation, he figured. So instead of plastering on a confident smirk and showing his “Great King”, he exhales deeply, looking straight into the holes in your eyes. “Just don’t break his heart, yeah?”

You nod in assurance, returning a determined eye. “I can do that.”

~.~.~.~

The next few weeks passed slowly, like the clock gave an extra two minutes with every second that went by. You had barely seen him, as he walked away from you every time he noticed your presence. He refused to look at you, the back of his head being the only thing to face you during practice. Why was he avoiding you?

“Iwa.” He doesn’t look up at you from putting a ball back in the cart, shutting his eyes before turning around. He stops when your hand grasps his arm, pulling him into a stop. He tugs his arm back, your grip hardening on his flesh, your sharp glare not letting him leave. “Iwaizumi.”

He sighs, pinching the bridge of his nose while screwing his eyes shut. “What.”

“Why have you been avoiding me?” You bring your hand up in the air with question.

“Why have I been what?”

“You heard me. Now answer me.” Your tone was strict, firm. It annoyed the hell out of him that it made him want to confess.

“I haven’t been doing shit. Stop following me like a lost puppy,” he growls, side eyeing you.

“Excuse me?” Your head bucks back, surprised. With one last tug, his arm is out of your reach as he walks away with his dark demeanor.

Then, he was gone.

~.~.~.~

You had spent a couple days thinking about it. How the conversations were so short, how he just completely dismissed you. Tooru watched you two go back and forth between bickering, you usually being the one to start the conversation before he tells you to fuck off. He was curious as well. You mean, that’s what you assumed from the conversation they were having in the gym before practice, ceasing your stroll when you hear their voices echo throughout the room, your body hiding behind the door so they wouldn’t notice.

“Iwa-chan, we talked about this, she just wants to be your friend, stop being so mean to her!”

“Whatever.”

“Iwaizumi, I’m serious. Stop being so cold to her,” the captain’s voice changes, his playful attitude gone in a swift motion, replaced with a scowl when Iwaizumi’s wide eyes find him. “What did she do to make you like this, huh? Such a meanie, Iwa-chan.”

“I’m not,” the number four defends, looking Oikawa up and down before taking a step back.

“Oh, I think you are,” he taunts, “you too were getting along so beautifully, it looked like. What happened? Scared?” He smirks.

“Of what?” Iwa’s eyes twitched, his face flushed.

“Of her not liking you back.”

The ace stammers, his mouth not knowing what words to spit out as he looks his best friend in the face.

He was serious, wasn’t he.

Iwa stood there, gaping at Oikawa’s satisfied expression while stumbling on his words, trying to find the best one to respond with. But he couldn’t. There was nothing he could say at this moment that would change the way Oikawa thinks, because Iwa knows he’s right. He knows.

~.~.~.~

You were frozen in place, your heart seemed to stop working, you couldn’t tell. Your nerves had stuttered a couple times- you weren’t sure you were even alive at this point. The hand that placed itself on your mouth had fallen to your side, leaving your silent gasps less silent now. Thankfully, they hadn’t heard you, but once you rushed inside with purpose and resolution, the gym door slamming shut, their heads had whipped your way.

“You’re telling me you liked me this whole time?!” You shout to him, walking closer and closer until you arrive right in front of him. His eyes stayed glued to you, confusion stirring back and forth throughout his whole system. He was scared. “Is that why you’ve been a dick to me?”

“I didn’t-”

“Now, now, Iwa-chan, let her talk.”

“Tooru,” you lour, “stop talking.”

“I’ve liked you since I saw that jump serve you did at my first practice, and you’re telling me that you like me too? Even though you’ve been avoiding me and pushing me away and telling me to leave you alone and-”

“You what?”

“What? I like you? Yes! I do! Now can you finally stop acting like an asshole?”

Silence.

“Uh…”

“He means yes, Y/n,” Tooru cuts in while patting the vice captain on the shoulder, laughing it off.

You take a deep breath, running a hand through your hair as you sigh. “Okay,” you exhale, “well, then...are we? Do you-”

“Mhm! He would love to,” Oikawa answers again.

You look at Tooru once more, biting your lip to hide your smile before nodding once towards him.

Thank you, Tooru.

im so sorry for this mess oh my god

general taglist: @combat-wombatus @toosharkinternet @alpha3113 @flattykawadoorusmilkbread @solar3lunar @hitosushi @zerohawks @katsuhera @awmahleebkg @thisnoodlewritesao3 @realcube @f0leysgurl

haikyuu taglist: @pies-writes-and-more @luvrboykento

REQUESTS: OPEN

[fleet-admiral-hiba]

Hey, this might be a bit sepcific, but the admirals' child happened to get their hands on a devil fruit from a young age that grant them the ability you summon creatures. The thing is it is huge scary looking monsters (like dragons, hell hounds and such) and for some reasons the monsters acts like a secound parent/babysitter over the child. The child will always fly/riding around them. Could you write a headcanon with the admirals thoughts about it?

Of course I can. This is going to be so much fun

ADMIRAL'S CHILD WITH FAMILY FRIEND CREATURES

SAKAZUKI/サカズキ

First thing first, you managed to eat a devil fruit behind your dad's back. You are too damn sneaky kid

So what were you able to do? Simple, summon and control damn huge ass creatures, scary ones at that

Hell hounds, dragons, basilisk, leviathan, and so on

You were one hell of kid

So one day, your father comes home and find you playing with a cerberus, your new three headed hell hound

Cerberus upon seeing your father immediately went on protective mode, snarling and baring its fang. And it grew two sizes. It was huge before but now...

Before your papa tries to vaporize the creature or ve eaten by it, you stopped them both, telling theme to not hurt each other

Sakazuki was baffled when he saw the creature stand down and lick your face, nuzzling you in a loving way

He was like how? Soo you said that you had eaten a strange looking fruit that was absolutely nasty, and then when you went back home you accidentally called out Cerbi

It took a moment to process what you just said, and it didn't made sense, like where dis you find the DF? How were you able to... to do what you just did? Where there more of this around the house?

Seeing your dad struggle you said that Cerbi was the only one for now and that it actually protected him on the way home.

Now he was listening? So you are saying that this dog scared the shit out of a robber who tried to attack you? Good good that's more like it

Anyway he couldn't do much apart from allowing you to have the dog, seeing that it was useful to him and you

Ngl at first he was scared of the dog, he was just big and actually looked like a demon and one to not be messed with. It was horrifying with those red eyes. Damn dog watched his every move

Not kidding, there were times when he attacked him when he yelled at some random marine who called him on his den den mushi at home. Man got a heart attack after that day, and made a conscious effort in not triggering that response

But after a while he warmed up to it and there times where he could be seen sitting with the dog beside him, just chilling

Fun fact : Cerberus can become invisible when he's out of the house, so people usually don't know that around the kid there's a three headed best ready to maim there on the spot if they hurt it's protégé /master

And you rode him around a lot of time cause it was too much fun. Like whenever you were tired or simply wanted to play, Cerbi would play with you

You need to nap? No problem, here's you heated pillow dog

Scary noises outside? Cerbi curled up around you and kept watch

BORSALINO /ボルサリーノ

You were with your dad on a random island on vacation when this happened

For your knowledge, you had already eaten your DF and your father knew that

So when you two are laying on the beach and this group of thugs approach you, he's ready to kick them, but before he can do anything they are already dead

And he hears you say "Damn it Ray Ray, you nearly shocked me"

Who was Ray Ray? What the hell happened? Are you okay?

Your father was shocked and asked you what happened and you told him that, Ray Ray, that is a 雷獣 (raijuu or thunder cat/fox/weasel whatever. It's a japanese folkloric creature and it looks scary. Go check that out) had just attacked those thugs to protect you

And he paled when he saw what attacked them. A giant cat like creatures with the fur charged with electricity looking at him, ready to strike at any moment

You then told him that you summoned it accidentally when those man showed up, cause they scared you a bit. But it wasn't your first time actually

Ohh if he wasn't pale before, now he's ready to faint. So you're telling him that those time he heard a hiss was this Ray Ray?

Kid you got some nerves on you. He did now one thing. Until Ray Ray accepted him he was walking on a thin line, and he was damn scared to fail

Much like dear Sakazuki, after a while he got accepted, much too he's pleasure

Still, a bright side can be found. You are now the most protected kid on the island. I doubt that someone will approach you trying to hurt you

Please warn him next time you summon one of your new friends. It will help him psychologically

Or whenever you wanted to surprise him by flying around on Ray Ray

He fainted when he saw you that time. He wasn't ready at all to see you, on a mythical beast who was capable of annihilating countries, flying and just playing with him like he was some overgrown cat

KUZAN /クザン

You were riding your father's bike on the sea, just because you wanted to see the ocean and he was bored

So you two made it quite fare, until you felt the water down you move. Your dad too felt something coming so he prepared a little iced square for more stability

And, next thing you know, a damn sea king appears and looked down at you

Your dad was already preparing to kill the monster when he felt the sea shook. Him and the sea king looked at each other before looking around to see what caused the noise.

Behind you, Levi, your leviathan, slowly rised up and shadowed the three of you

Before your father could say "What?" the sea king fled far far way, and Levi just watched your father. And it actually growled at him cause he still had his hand covered in ice

You then told him to lay down his hands so that Levi would see you weren't an enemy

He just did what he was told, all the while asking you how the hell you got yourself that thing

He was damn scared to do anything than just watch the creature

You told him that your DF enabled you to summon creatures at will and this time happened to be Levi

You said this time? Damn he was feeling a bit faint now

Still, when you asked to Levi to go cause there was no more problems it went away just like that

Your father knew he uncovered something he preferred to not know. Really

Anyway you told him about that and others time one of them just protected you from harm and how you were affectioned to them

You went swimming with it. It acted like a gigantic taxi and took you from island to island or just made you jump up and down its back.

The best was when he caught you petting the sea legend like it was some domestic animal

Silver lining? You were protected by a giant snake like creature

Downside, he was on the black list, at list for now

He wasn't mentally ready to deal with it just yet, so you spent the next week sleeping in his office

Now that explained why he heard some menacing noises around you. Yes now everything added up

[kookiepredictions]

Jungkook Twin Flame Reading

A little post in honour of Jungkook’s birthday after which I’ll be taking a break :)

 Jungkook Twin Flame Reading

 The relationship dynamic between Jungkook and his TF is so interesting to me. To say that they are made for each other is a huge understatement. If human beings have several layers and levels to their being, then it is safe to say that Jungkook and his TF are compatible at every level; that’s how “destined” they are. Even if you take away the spiritual aspect of their connection and just focus on the earthly, physical dimension, they are the type of people who would be instantly drawn to each other. It’s not enough said that they are each other’s type. They could walk into a room full of people and instantly pick the other. Each has the physical appearance that the other finds attractive, the personality that the other admires, and their overall goals and ambitions in life too are very compatible. Whether they hit each other up at the bar, met in a park, hooked up on Tinder, or had an arranged marriage, it doesn’t matter— they would end up together. It’s like in the movie ‘The Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind’, where the protagonists erase each other’s memories repeatedly but still end up falling in love every time they meet again. Now you would say, how nice for them, that must make their TF journey so much easier than others’, but (very) interestingly, no, it makes it just the more difficult.

Since they are so obviously compatible, picking each other is an obvious option. It’s like, I don’t need to be divinely guided to pick you; I’d do it anyway. And this is what makes the connection so confusing because there are literally 2 Levels in this connection: 1, where they can just be together as partners or spouses or whatever other earthly relationship term they want to subscribe to, and 2, where they can show up as the Divine Masculine and Feminine and hence have a higher dimensional connection. The difference between these 2 options is that the 1st, while not terrible, would be a mere earthly connection wherein both operate from their wounded selves and therefore their love has conditions, projections, and therefore hurts and problems. This type of relationships is not very uncommon to find and one might even argue that what’s so bad with that? Every relationship has problems. That’s normal. But then I urge you to ask yourselves, is it normal or it is normalized? Also, it might be commonly seen, but with their potential to be Twin Flames, Jungkook and his DF are not here to have a “normal” connection. And they are definitely not here to subscribe to the normalized version of love as it exists in the world right now. As TF counterparts, they have been given a choice to opt for more, also known in the TF community as creating new relationship templates. This is why I had mentioned in one of my previous posts that simply being born and then meeting your TF counterpart does not automatically make you each other’s Twin Flames— it only makes you “potential” TFs. It’s only when you show up as your most authentic or Divine self that you are actually “being” TFs. This is not a very simple phenomenon to understand and a lot of times, TF counterparts meet each other and are caught up in the earthly, or lower chakra attraction that they feel for each other. This looks like intense sexual attraction, daydreaming and overthinking about each other, and being almost addicted to each other. Is this a very bad thing? No, definitely not. Understand that the lower chakras represent our earthly existence and as such, all experiences stemming from them ground us onto that aspect of life and done right, it’s a beautiful experience. Also, one thing I disagree with a lot of people about is that the TF connection is not romantic. Oh but it is! The TF connection is not a fairytale. Heck yeah it is! But I also understand where they are coming from. I think the problem is in the way the words “romance” and “fairytale” are perceived these days. I don’t know about you, but fairytales to me are all about boy meets girl, fall in love, want to be together but problems arise, misunderstandings happen, third parties interfere, sorrows and tears, breakthrough, problem-solving, maybe even some fights, songs and dances, and finally, union. This don’t look like the TF connection to you? Of course, the TF journey is not so oversimplified, linear or one-dimensional, and doesn’t end in like 1 ½ hours. But that’s still the gist though. As for romance, again, I earnestly think the meaning of romance is so skewed right now, it makes me sad. As far as I have lived (and loved), romance has never been just about wining and dining, flowers and chocolates, singing and dancing (although they are a part of that and a very fun one at that). For me, the TF connection is romance at its peak. If romance is defined as the expression of love and affection, then there can be absolutely nothing more romantic than a person who would stop at NOTHING to be with you, to the point that they would take an axe and strike down their own ego, burn and destroy themselves over and over again to be their most authentic self because they see you and think, you’re worth it. So many people in the world right now would rather replace you with someone else simply because they are too proud to look into themselves and heal their wounds that are stopping them from experiencing true love, and continue living with their masks on. Masked people bringing flowers and diamonds and basically everything else other than their heart has never been a romantic notion for me. But yes, the skewed definition of romance these days does not accommodate such depth of the emotion and expression of love, so it’s limited to being perceived (and executed) as materialistic and surface-level exhibition.

TFs, upon meeting each other for the first time, experience all of these earthly tendencies. In itself, it’s not a bad thing at all. It’s sweet, spicy and exciting because seldom do you find a person that gets your heart racing like that. The “relationship” too, seems within your reach. But just when you reach out for them, the tower moments happen. This is when TFs realize that there is much more than what appears on the surface and you got to dig deeper. With Jungkook and his DF, it just was even more confusing because them being so compatible and an “obvious choice” for each other, the delays and the “ifs” and “buts” just did not make sense. This was especially Jungkook’s energy where he was more focused on the earthly manifestation of this connection because that’s what made sense to him— boy meets girl, fall in love, together bam! (Lol I had to make that joke cuz it’s a special day). He was also focused more on the external manifestations of problems in the connection, for example, he would think, I cannot be with the DF because of X, Y, Z. But the TF journey, like any other spiritual journey, will always teach you to look inward. Any problem and situation in life is always the external manifestation of something that is wrong inside, and therefore that’s where all solutions lie. On the other hand, as DFs are usually initiated into the spiritual journey first and are more concerned with that aspect of the connection (explained in detail in a previous post), his DF kept running away from him because Jungkook’s state of mind was not supportive of her spiritual quests. It’s important to understand that neither of them was consciously doing this; both did what they did because that’s what made sense to them at their level of healing. As the “lead” in this journey though, somehow it all started with the DF. She felt the call to opt for that higher dimension in their connection and to move away from him when he wasn’t in the ready state to even understand, let alone, support that spiritual aspect, which is what is known as the Separation— the part where both parties need to focus on their own healing. However, it’s one thing to know what to do, and quite another to embody that knowledge and act on it with the trust that everything will ultimately work out. So for a while, she too was caught up in her lower dimensional cravings. It’s safe to say that just like Jungkook, she was terrified of losing him because like I said, even in a non-TF way, they seemed so perfect for each other, you just do not want to miss the chance to at least give it a shot. But her soul would be tugging at her to complete the tasks that she had undertaken prior to incarnation, in other words, her soul contract, so she wouldn’t be able to be fully present in this connection either. And so she would do this thing where she would take a step forward towards her destiny and then look back at Jungkook where he was in his journey to see if he would join her. Repeatedly. But this connection IS about your soul journey, her indecision and mental to and fro would energetically keep Jungkook in an indecisive and back and forth state too. It’s like everytime she would look back to see if she was making a mistake, Jungkook would look back to see if he was making a mistake. This was keeping him attached to his karmic situations, which would then drain him, which would make him want his DF more to fill him up, which would create energy drainage for the DF which would ultimately repel the DF and she would want to run far, far away from him. This pushing him away in turn would hurt and confuse Jungkook and he would start doubting the connection and his self worth and start thinking that he doesn’t deserve her and that she is staying away from him because she isn’t interested in him and it’s all in his head, and so he would think of walking away from her before she leaves him. This is the push and pull dynamic in this connection and this was the loop that they were stuck in for a while.

Over time though, his DF has been inching closer and closer to her destined path, trying to find faith in herself, in the connection and in Jungkook and has been looking back less. Recognizing her role as the lead, she has had to make the difficult decision to solely focus on herself and put Jungkook out of her mind— a “whatever happens, happens, I’m not abandoning myself for anyone anymore” kind of a decision. This has been difficult for her because she has always naturally been someone who puts other people’s needs before her own. When she likes someone, it has always made sense for her to almost sacrifice all her needs and wants for the other person’s. However, this energy has never been reciprocated to her in her previous connections, and her life would always eventually turn out to be one where her needs were always in the backburner. As I had said in a previous post, when she first meets Jungkook, the way he treated her was quite different from others. While other men would make these big show of love while ignoring the smallest, most basic things about her, Jungkook was observant of the little subtle things about her and more importantly, always willing and even seeking to do things that felt tailormade for her. While other people made their moves with agenda, Jungkook had this energy of just vibing in the moment, doing little things, making her smile. It was like he had even forgotten to set a purpose or intention of interacting with her; he just did what he did because it made him so happy. This caused her to put down her guard and a connection was made. However, this connection, or specifically, the happiness and bliss in the connection did not last long because both were interacting from a co-dependent place— they were both doing things trying to seek happiness from the other, to fill an empty void in themselves. But as I discussed earlier, when you seek something outside of yourself, it is never enough because that void can only be filled by you. So, what started as a beautiful and fun connection started morphing into a confusing, draining and hurtful one. This was very the signal to start levelling up into a higher dimension of the connection— the connection in itself wasn’t wrong; it was just that it was established in a lower, 3D dimension that was keeping it embroiled in pain and struggle. The DF was the first to recognize this and felt it in her heart to first, individually level up. But as said earlier, she was constantly looking back in doubt, afraid she might just lose him, which, true to the TF connection, kept Jungkook stuck in a fear of losing her. When Jungkook is stuck in the energy of this fear for long enough, external problems would manifest to reflect and amplify that fear, which then, as I said, would make him want to leave her first before she could leave him, because he felt that he loved her too much to ever be able to bear the pain of his heart being broken by her.

In present times, his DF has been a lot more confident in herself and in this connection. This has happened because she has spent considerable amount of time healing her trauma patterns which has immensely increased her faith in the Divine and she is able to see this connection clearly, not just from a knowledge point of view, but also from a deep feeling. In the past, she was stuck in the confusion of “if he is right for me, then how does it make sense to leave him behind?”, the same confusion that Jungkook had. But then again, when she stayed behind, there would be all these differences of opinions between them and problems and hurt would ensue. Both saw each other as their destination and yet, the path each proposed to take was different. Jungkook took the more rational, practical path while his DF was inclined to the more spiritual, “listen to the Divine, have faith and let go” path. Incidentally, the spiritual path is not irrational either. The real, practical problems in their connection did not go unnoticed by the DF. She noticed the co-dependency, the fact that she was constantly putting her own needs behind to try to address his needs and also the fact that even after that, Jungkook was still stuck in fear, doubt, confusion and misery. But more than anything else, she saw the once-beautiful connection deteriorate every day. This was painful to her because from the moment she saw Jungkook, as an intuitive and foresighted woman, she knew he was the one, and that this would be a beautiful and fulfilling connection, and the start had even been that way. The intense attraction, waiting for each other everyday, daydreaming when they were alone, every love song finally making sense— stuff straight out of a movie or a romance novel. But this reality kept slipping off, and it hurt her to see it all go down the drain. So when she realized that this connection needed to be anchored to a higher frequency, she had to make the choice of walking away from him to work on herself. She knew that she wasn’t being her most authentic, divine self, and as such, wouldn’t be able to create an authentic and divine connection. While in the past she was afraid of being judged by him for the choices and decisions she made, more recently she has stepped into the confidence that living her life from her heart is not something she should ever be afraid of, and if Jungkook is the divinely destined partner that she thought he was, he would never stand in the way of her living a life that made her happy. She also knew that unless she heals herself from her own trauma and wounds, she would not be able to love him right either. She isn’t perfect and in the past she has done many a hurtful things to people she loved and she is afraid unhealed, she would do the same to Jungkook. In this energy, she foresees the connection to become riddled with problems and trauma bonding and she would rather leave him and this connection right this instant where it is still relatively peaceful, than create a reality where they hurt each other that much. It’s funny that in her past relationships, whenever she hurt her partner, she would feel guilty for behaving that way more because she feels it was beneath who she is, but on hindsight she will be like, well they still deserved it for being complete jerks to me. But with Jungkook, she feels like she wouldn’t be able to ever willingly hurt him because she believes he doesn’t deserve to ever be treated that way, so it could only mean that in such a state, she would only hurt herself each time and she didn’t want that for herself either, so she feels like she’d rather stay away from him and the connection than cause all that. This is similar to how Jungkook feels about her as well, which is why no matter how tough it gets for him to go on without her, he always reminds himself that he couldn’t possibly with her until he became capable enough to give her all the happiness that she deserves, so that’s where they would mirror each other. And yet, everytime he feels empty, he wants to reach out to her. However, as the DF has started becoming confident in the connection, and stopped looking back in doubt, Jungkook has been feeling confident too. The more she heals, he heals. Now, they are both on their adventures of finding themselves while still recognizing the presence and impact of this connection in their lives. I think they’ve both realized that trying to escape this connection is a lost war. Instead they are embracing it and letting it guide them while still learning to put themselves first. Even after all the doubts and fears, their destination still remains the same, and the path seems to be aligning as well because they are both trying to meet each other halfway. Will there be anymore problems, confusion, doubts, fears, anger, frustration? Maybe, maybe not. But like I always say, that’s not the point of life at all. Nor is that the point of relationships. Problems might still arise but unlike in the past, they won’t be swept into co-dependency. The DF has learnt to listen to her heart every time, even if Jungkook does not agree with her and will address Jungkook’s needs only when she has ensured that her own needs are met first. In return, Jungkook has learnt to trust that his DF’s path will never be separate from his— time and time again, he has seen his DF return to him, never ceasing to love him and he has learnt to trust more in the Divine to give him what he believes belongs to him. Soon enough, they will be whole, complete and happy enough on their own accord and this will create a harmonious and blissful interdependent connection between them with the earthly intense attraction as well as the divine peaceful stability.

Just to avoid an abrupt end, let me share one of my favourite quotes that aptly defines this journey (except add “vice versa”):

“A woman's heart should be so hidden in God that a man has to seek Him just to find her.”

― Maya Angelou

 Happy 24th birthday Jungkook, I hope you always know and remember that you are well loved, not because the person or the people who love you are good people, but because you deserve to be loved always. What is yours will never pass you by and what you seek, seeks you I promise. You will see, in time. Every single thing in this connection and in this journey might not make sense and it might seem long and dragged out, but if you want the other person to consider your needs, you must consider theirs too. That is true love. And it is yours. You’ve worked for it and you’ve earned it. Your DF wants you as much as you want her. But she won’t give herself to you unless she deems herself as someone you deserve and you deserve the best. She knows you already think she’s perfect but she also knows that you have the biggest, the kindest and the most accommodating heart and you would never make anyone feel lesser than. But she’s adamant lol. She says, Jungkook deserves the best and he will have the best. Please allow her the time and space to do this not just for you but also for herself— allow her to heal her insecurities so she never feels small and insignificant anywhere she goes. Don’t forget that your destination is the same. Allow her to take a different path once in a while if she so pleases, and don’t be afraid to do the same. Do what YOU want to do and what is best for you. Always. If it hurts her ego, best believe that it is HER problem to take care of. If you are meant to be, mistakes and slip ups will never get in the way of that. If you are meant to be, neither of you should ever have to hide any part of yourselves. Trust that being your most authentic selves, no matter how odd, shameful and unforgiving it might seem to you, will always bring you closer. That’s just what unconditional love is. That’s what you are divinely created to have. If you have to hide, pretend and suppress any part of you to please the other, it’s just not love, and believe you me, your connection won’t last that way. I know it’s scary, to show those parts of yourself to another, parts that even you haven’t been able to accept, embrace or forgive, then how are they going to do that? She knows and she fears the same about herself. But know that you both have to show up as who you are, otherwise this connection remains a daydream and an illusion, the bubble of which will burst sooner or later. You both have been given the opportunity to create something that is not just missing but is needed in this world right now. Take it and make the best out of it. At the end of your lives, as you sit on your porch, watching the sunset together, you will get to look back in triumph and gratitude for one hell of an adventure. Happy birthday once again! May this day be the start to the best, happiest, most fun, most exciting, most exotic, most peaceful, most authentic and most soul-ly fulfilling life you have ever wanted.

 P.S. I really wanted to make a small and compact post but for some reason I rambled on and also I feel so tired after this I want to go to sleep immediately. I don’t have the energy to see what I’ve written anymore so I hope it all made sense. See you after my break! PPS. :) :) :)

[spcncershybrid]

Amortentia -Fred Weasley Imagine

GIF IS NOT MINE

(Summary: A certain Weasley let’s his feelings about you slip in the most inconvenient way.)

Fred Weasley X Reader

This is based on a few tik toks and probably some imagines I’ve read. Might post another imagine tomorrow but if not I hope you all have a great day this week for whichever holiday you celebrate!! Love you all!

“Are you ready for potions today?” Angelina said, nudging me as we walk to class.

“Not really I’m pretty sure Snape hates me.” I laughed as we walked into class.

Angelina and I stopped in confusion as our girl classmates were huddled around a cauldron. The boys stood to the side brewing something.

“Where’s Professor Snape?” I ask walking up to them.

“Not sure.” A girl said, turning to us.

“What are you lot brewing?” Angelina said as we walked up to them.

“Amortentia.” Another girl said giggling.

“And you boys?” I asked looking over to them.

“Same thing.” One said scoffing as he sniffed the cauldron.

“Y/N, try it first. You’ll probably smell you know who.” Angelina said as she moved to the side.

“Not that you know who Angelina.” I say laughing.

“Right sorry.” She said giggling lightly as she realized what she said.

I leaned my head over the cauldron and sniffed. Fireworks, smoke, and wood.

“So what do you smell?” Angelina said looking at me.

“A variety of smoke items and wood- like our brooms.” I say looking at her as I tilted my head. 

I smelled Fred Weasley.

I look at the other girls who are occupied with smelling the cauldron. I step away from the cauldron and pull Angelina to the side with me.

“I think I smelled Fred.” I said looking at her in shock.

“At least your feelings are confirmed.” She said excitedly.

You see here’s the problem, the twins are my best friends. Like all love cliches I fell for my best friend.

“But Angelina what if he doesn’t smell me. The smell varies for everyone.” I say as I run my hands over my face.

“He probably doesn’t even like me. This is setting me up.” I groan as I look over at her.

Angelina knew otherwise. Being on the quidditch team made her form a bond with the Weasley’s twins. Over a night of team celebration and firewhisky that was snuck in, secrets from both of the boys were revealed.

____________

“So boys, any girl caught your eye?” Angelina asked as she took a swing of firewhisky before handing it over to Oliver.

“You already know who.” George said winking at her as he tilted his head towards Fred.

“Fred?” She said as she looked at him.

“Who do you fancy?” She continued as she watched him take a sip of his drink.

“Nobody.” He said.

“Really weren’t you boasting about-” Oliver started before Fred cut him off with a glare.

“You guys are still down here.” Y/N said walking down the stairs of the common room.

“The celebration died down a bit. There’s still some left if you’d like.” George said, handing her the bottle.

She happily took the bottle and took a swing feeling the liquid burn her throat.

“That’s always so awful.” She said, wiping her mouth.

“I think we should call it a night, we have practice tomorrow.” Oliver said standing from the floor.

Everyone nodded their head before leaving besides Angelina, Fred and George.

Fred stared longingly as Y/N walked back up the stairs. He sighed as he watched her leave. He shouldn’t feel this way, she’s his best friend.

“She’s the one he fancies.” Angelina said as she leaned over to George.

“Now you notice. He’s been this way since third year.” George said chuckling.

“Oh dear that long. He should make a move.” She said crossing her arms as they watched Fred leave the common room.

“Contrary to popular belief Johnson he won’t do it. He complains often about how she wouldn’t like him.” George said.

“Well he’s wrong!” Angelina exclaimed.

“She fancies him too?” George said in slight confusion.

“You don’t share a dorm with her. If you did you would hear nonstop on her feelings. Half the time it’s like a broken record.” Angelina laughed.

“Let’s make a bet.” George said placing his hand out.

“One sickle that they get together by the end of term.” George continued as he kept his hand out.

“You’re on Weasley.” Angelina said as she shook his hand.

With that they both separated and went to their dorms and the night was filled with an earful of complaints from their dorm mates.

_____________

“This is bad Angelina.” I say as I look around the classroom. I went to my usual seat and sat down.

“No it isn't, wait for them to come and let’s hear what he smells.” Angelia reassured me as she sat down beside me.

As if on cue the twins ran into the room smiling.

“Y/L/N lay off the perfume for a while. I can smell you from here.” Fred exclaimed as he sniffed the air in confusion before laughing loudly.

I felt the color drain out of me and my mouth grew dry. Everyone else stifled a laugh as they looked at us.

“What?” Fred said as he looked around the class.

“That isn’t her perfume Fred. We’re brewing Amortentia.” A girl said laughing. 

Now it was Fred’s turn to grow pale. His cheeks turned red like his hair.

“Unauthorized use of brewing materials is strongly prohibited without a Professor present.” Snape's dull voice said as he walked into the classroom.

“10 points from Gryffindor and Hufflepuff.” He continued as the students scurried to their seats.

“At least it's mutual.” Angelina said laughing slightly.

“That doesn’t make this situation better.” I say biting my lip anxiously.

“Talk to him after class.” Angelina said as she began writing on her parchment.

“You’re right what’s the worst that can happen.” I say laughing nervously.

_____________

Fred stared blankly at his parchment as he felt himself slowly die of embarrassment.

“That’s not too bad mate.” George said as he looked over to his brother.

“Not too bad. George this is awful.” He said as he scribbled aimless things on his parchment.

“You didn’t hear it from me Freddie but she fancies you too.” George said leaning over as he glanced over towards Angelina and Y/N.

“You reckon?” Fred asked as he looked over.

“Talk to her after class and you’ll see.” George said as he began writing.

Soon enough the bell rang out.

“Class dismissed.” Snape said as he closed his book.

Students ushered out the room and into the corridors.

‘Now or never.’ Fred thought as he watched Y/N and Angelina leave the classroom.

_____________

I walked beside Angelina and felt my hands grow cold.

“You talk to him all the time.” Angelina scoffed as she laughed lightly.

“This is way different Ang.” I say as I play with my robes.

I grew silent as Fred and George walked beside us. 

“Angelina we should check if Oliver needs us.” George said as he grabbed her arm and dragged her away.

“So what’d you smell?” Fred asked as we walked beside each other and into the courtyard.

“I didn’t smell anything Fred.” I blurt out quickly. I cringed lightly as we walked.

“Oh. You don’t fancy anyone?” Fred said, scratching his head.

“No Fred I don’t.” I say stopping and stare at him. I felt bad for lying to him but I need to preserve our friendship.

“I should probably check if Oliver needs me too. Bye Y/N.” Fred said jogging back into the school.

I huff in anger and felt tears prick my eyes. Stupid Amortentia!

_____________

I walk into the quidditch locker room shielding my eyes.

“The boys are on the field already, it's just me.” I heard Angelina say. I put my arms to my side and sat on the bench next to her.

“I messed up everything.” I say putting my head in my hands.

“What happened in the courtyard?” Angelina asked as she sat next to me.

“He asked me if I fancied anyone and I completely lied to him.” I say looking at her pouting.

“That’s all?” Angelina asked as she strapped her gloves.

“He asked me what I smelled in the Amortentia and I lied to him saying nothing.” I say leaning my head on her shoulder.

“Why’d you do that?” Angelina asked as she comforted me.

“I didn’t want to ruin our friendship.” I huffed.

“You wouldn’t have Y/N.” I heard Fred say as he walked into the locker room.

“What are you doing here!” I exclaim as I stare DF at him in shock.

“I forgot my bat.” Fred awkwardly said as he pointed to his locker.

Angelina stared at the both of us before leaving the locker room.

“You wouldn’t have ruined anything if anything you would’ve made it easier.” Fred said as he went and sat beside me.

“Fred you’re my best friend I can’t lose you like that. I guess I was just scared.” I say looking down at my lap.

“You scared blimey Y/N fancying me isn’t that bad.” Fred laughed as he placed his hand on my leg.

“To answer your question earlier, I fancy someone and I smelled fireworks, wood and smoke. Do you reckon I smelled George? He is quite cute.” I say jokingly as I look at him.

“I'm pretty sure you smelled his twin brother the one that actually likes you.” He said rolling his eyes.

“Tough luck on my end.” I laughed as I heard Oliver yell outside.

“You should probably go. Oliver might hit you with the bat.” I say standing up.

Fred stood up and stared at me. I gave him a quick peck on the cheek and shy away as I felt my face heat up. Fred smiled and walked away towards the door.

“W-wait Fred I have a question.” I say stopping him.

“What?” He said turning to me.

“Why me? There are so many other girls at Hogwarts.” I ask as I watch him open the door.

“Not all girls can handle a prank. I can dive more into it on our Hogsmeade date.” He said winking before leaving the locker room.

“Those damn Weasley’s.” I smiled before walking out of the locker room and going to the common room.

Meanwhile…

“You seem giddy.” George said as he and his twin flew to their post.

“I just scored a date with Y/N.” Fred said as a slight blush flourished on his cheeks.

“I knew you could do it Freddie.” George smiled. His smile grew wider as he remembered a certain thing.

“Oi Angelina! You owe me a sickle!” He yelled, making the girl flip him off laughing as she waved the coin in the air.

“For what?” Fred said as he stared at his brother in confusion.

“Sometimes love has a price brother.” George laughed as he flew over to Angelina making Fred just scratch his head.

taglist: @hpbitch​

[tartagilicious]

the dangerous fellows boys and an mc that takes care of their younger sibling during the apocalypse

long title but fun concept ! it’s been a while since I’ve played, but I hope everything is correct  — that said, this also contains spoilers 💃 requested by @sydisticsyd​ 

* just a reminder, I don’t normally take df requests! I’ve moved on from the game, and this was a special case where I wanted to do something nice. ty <3

Ethan: 

- There’s a long-running headcanon that he has younger siblings — most notably a sister if I’m remembering right, so in this case, so will you! 

- when he saves you from a zombie in that convenience store the first time he meets you, the last thing he expects is for you to push a smaller child into his arms as you run.

- he immediately recognises her as your sister by the similar features you share, but her assumed age throws him off. looking around 5, she behaves extremely well under pressure, though that he can at least wrap his head around more than the fact that you’ve been holding out all of this time. 

- his own instinct as an older brother makes him more defensive towards Scarlett and her absolute need to send you away. Scarlett doesn’t care much about Ethan’s opposition, obviously, but he does all he can.

- your shared affinity for family made it easy for you to bond from then on. you became a duo that worked well and stuck together, all while of course looking after your sister, who had begun to trust Ethan as if he really was her brother. 

Harry: 

- As an only child with problems at home, seeing such an obviously strong bond between you and your sibling warms his heart. even seeing you interact makes him incredibly happy

- He fights Scarlett 10x harder knowing that there are two lives on the line, and Scarlett, while mean, is not heartless — his point of views appeal to her. But, it’s arguably solely him that gets her on your side

- You grow close naturally after he stands up for you for fervently, and you really appreciate how gentle he is with your sister. in the middle of an apocalypse, you naturally have to be wary of any other survivors around her. 

- He willingly gives up parts of his own rations to make sure she’s full every meal, and keeps her entertained to the best of his ability. In a way, it’s his way of having the company he never got? plus, he totally loves kids and you can’t tell me otherwise lol

Eugene: 

- Probably hates kids tbh, but!! he’s not heartless. they rescued you both from being killed by zombies, and they’ll keep you safe. That’s basically a given, especially when there’s a kid at your side.

- The last thing Eugene wants is to see the poor girl more traumatised than she probably already is, after all.

- he’s not amazing with kids so he won’t exactly go out of his way to be nice, or spend time with them, but being close to you means it’s a sacrifice he has to make I guess?? I think he’d do it. I can imagine that your sister notices his reluctance though lolol

- regardless, they’d become quite close as time goes on ! in an environment like that, it would really help to limit rocky relationships. plus, you can’t tell me that the boy wouldn’t get a little bit attached to you both after a while-

- Eugene’s like a doting older brother when it comes to her, all while retaining his signature tsundere vibe with everyone but you. they have a handshake and she likes to ride on his shoulders !!

Zion: 

- before you come along, he basically hates everything and trusts no one 😭 but even the big brood cares about how a kid sees him. he’s a bit sympathetic to your younger brother (in this case) because while he himself may have not had a great childhood, he can barely imagine living through an apocalypse at such a formative age.

- the issue of you being cast aside once you’re rescued is pretty much non-existent, what with Zion’s views and Scarlett’s suck-up ways. No one can really argue once she’s put in her place by the only person she listens to, after all.

- he’d honestly try his hardest from the get-go to be there for your brother, of course with your support and all of that. I can imagine he’d be a little shy to ask this to you, someone who’s essentially a stranger, but you’d both come to appreciate it.

- Zion is actually surprisingly good with kids. he’d find ways to keep your brother entertained that are still apocalypse friendly, to the point where your brother would be almost glued to his side — though, it’s situational if that would bother you, really. 

- if your brother wanted to room with Zion, he would totally give up his blanket for the kid 😭💕 maybe even let him read some of the comics he stole from the library?

Lawrence:

- shit, can he kill with a child around? 🤔 much to think about. and would he have to eventually kill your brother too?? maybe he’s in over his head.

- no but I really do think that if you as a player had a younger sibling by your side over being alone,,, it would lessen the chances of Lawrence deciding to go absolutely insane. he has to respect the child, and also your inborn wish for your brother to stay alive lol

- Lawrence is kind of shaken by the development, but he would definitely try his best to get close to him while he can, though. of course, all while being kind and supportive and being loose on particular rules with him so he gets a good impression in

- but kids are perceptive when they want to be, so don’t tell me that your brother wouldn’t get bad vibes from Lawrence even after all that stuff 😐 he would know right after Judy disappears that Lawrence is up to some sneaky shit

- an extra candy bar and fake sweetness won’t pass him lol

- would Lawrence think about killing your brother if he were in fact that smart? no. it would be a liability, but the entire point if his killing spree in the first place is to keep you with him. there’s no way you’d ever want anything to do with him if he killed one of the only people you have left. and even if he did manage to pull that off, it’d arguably make you more miserable than when he kills all your friends

[afi-mukami]

What is the best night or moment with Ruki?

I’m pretty sure that we aren’t talking about Ruki’s routes or drama CDs here, are we? I wrote this answer in two parts because I have a hunch that there was a little more personal aspect to that question.

Best night/moment with Ruki (canon)

This is difficult to choose. So far, I’ve played his MB and DF routes and I’m in the middle of playing his LE route. Other than that, I’ve listened to some of his drama CDs but not yet all of them.

And I think my current favorite moment with Ruki is from Lost Eden Stella Set CD (I don’t know the full name). The CD contains tracks from Shuu, Subaru, Ruki, and Kou. Ruki’s part is tracks 7-9, and track 7 is really sweet. I haven’t found a translation for it, but I think I still got some kind of grasp of it, and I really love listening to it. Sometimes when I can’t sleep, I listen to that track with earphones, eyes closed, and let Ruki tell me that I can sleep safely. 🖤🛐

Best night/moment with Ruki (non-canon / headcanon / something else)

This is difficult to choose too; there are so many memories I adore. Like a bite from Ruki when I was sad because of work-related problems. That really helped me a lot, thank you, Master. Or one rather spicy kiss I still keep thinking about…

Maybe the best moment was on my DL anniversary when he invited me to spend a night alone with him in a cozy cabin. He had prepared late-night snacks and books for reading. The atmosphere was also beautiful with tiny lanterns and other lights illuminating the night for us.

Of course, we read a little and ate the snacks but something else ended up being the main course of that evening. I can almost still feel his fangs on my neck, shoulder… you get the point. I didn’t get too much of shuteye that night but the way he spoiled me was worth the lack of sleep. That moment is now engraved into my memories by his fangs and his love.

(The edit is made by @ask-ruki-mukami 💖)

Did this really happen? Did it not?

Well, that is something Master and I know, and you can only guess.

[redxblueihateloveyou]

Now that you seem to have a better perspective on the scene, what are your thoughts regarding Rin? When I watched the scene in the cinema I just suffered for both of them, especially because I felt that I understood both of them (tho my personality and problems align more with Haru), but I'm curious. In the end I feel like the two of them are angsty idiots and I want to hug them.

I think my biggest problem with Rin is the fact that he knows that its about them, but then he's constantly trying to pretend how... it isn't about them?

I'm definitely not in the wrong here when I say that if you've already decided that you're in this together and that it's your mutual future, it becomes different. He just doesn't seem to grasp on the fact that ever since this future became theirs, not just his, you can't anymore disappear, do your thing, then reappear and be like "okay, so I actually decided to do this now, but we're still good on our thing, right?". Like no one minds, its ok, you can do whatever you want, but when you're in such relationships, maybe at least like include us on your journey there. I mean, it was one of the things they wanted since forever. And he didn't even start with important part. Haru was talking about how they're gonna be in free together and Rin just went like "well, funny thing, I'm not gonna be there".

I'm just a bit tired of this this is our business, but my business is ain't your business. Like why would Haru care if I passed? I lost, so let me run and hide so he wouldn't find me. It's like, well, if you know its now your mutual future.. maybe lets do not act like Haru has nothing to do with it.

I mean, we're not in s1 or 2 already, Haru admitted it in TYM already and Rin admitted it too and in DF, so like I do not get why Rin still does this thing when he does something we know nothing about it, and then Haru just has to face the fact. I appreciate that we're special and he only talks to Haru and Sousuke now too has to go to Haru to ask about him, but Rin again did this thing which I thought we passed already this stage.

I recently just lean towards the fact that he's just so used to being self-sustaining since he was tiny, that he in fact doesn't know how it's done now and how realtionships work.

Like I understand that they're their own ppl and I'm not saying it here in a way that someone needs to ask for a permission to do anything. But it's just like... imagine, you have a significant other (and do not laugh even, bc they're it), now imagine you have this whole future planned together, where you for example both decided to go to culinary school and were super excited about it, but at right before the day of taking exams, they'd go "u know what? I actually decided to go to literature academy". Even such silly thing seems ridiculous. It's not like someone is against you making your own decisions about your life here, we'll support you anyways, but when you serve it like this it legit seems like maybe they don't care much for you together.

And he always does this... disappears for a year, then comes back and like "we're still good on our thing? cool". Just... I mean... huh? Maybe we want more than that.

This particular kind of relationships they have, do not work this way. Like when Makoto was like "hey, guys, I actually decided to be a pro coach now" they went like "okay, unexected I guess, no one exactly knows what brought this on, but congrats, bro". But these two, they can't do this anymore. This is just not how it works. And I do not get why Rin thinks its ok.

And he always backtracks when it gets too obvious, like you know when they admitted to each other that for them the perfect relay team is just the one where the other one in, others don't matter, but then Rin started awkwardly laughing and went "well, we can't be hung up on each other like that, right?".

I guess I just didn't expect him to be this scared about it, bc damn, he for real just keeps running away. It's like he put some barrier for himself, as if he dives deeper, Haru will consume him or smth. I get it, scary, I've read your diaries, Rin. But I mean, it's Haru... he's so loving and he's really tired of feeling like some decease.

My point is that in this scene, I also felt for both and I get that for Rin this sudden Haru's outburst was pretty shocking and he didn't expect to go from this theme to THAT, I really was very hurt for him, when Haru taunted him about hurting him, it was a dirty move, but at the end like... sorry, but there's a certain point when its like enough is enough.

It's like... at this point it's either you live on your own, Rin, either you live together, but like torturing him like that isn't an option. If you invited him to share your life, do just that.

[bemused-writer]

VNC Anime Episode 1

And so the first anime episode came out! I'd say it was actually pretty faithful to the manga; adapting an 88 page first chapter into a singular episode is no easy feat. XD Mochizuki really was making them hefty at first. With that in mind, I figured I'd just talk about some of my first impressions and the few changes they made.

The opening is the obvious first change. The episode itself covers all the same info we learn early on, just in a different order. The manga opted to focus on true names and Teacher's warning to Noé, which ties in more directly to Amelia's plight and Noé's circumstances later on, while the anime chose to open with the vampire Vanitas, which is sort of like the driving force behind people's attitudes towards the blue moon. Will this shift be a big deal later on? It seems unlikely; both give you information you'll need.

I do have to say I hope we get more of this particular art style. The creepy fairytale vibe is so perfect...

La Baleine itself looks amazing as well. In the manga I was always struck by how cool the design was (thanks to Ryou Yamaguchi who designed it), but seeing it animated is something else and made me really think about how if that thing fell from the sky there would be some massive problems. 8D Truly, the only thing keeping that in the sky must be astermite.

Later on, when Amelia destroys all those lights, I realized I'd always misinterpreted that scene. I'd always assumed the broken lights were from Vanitas breaking through the window and, in his usual dramatic fashion, broke everything else, too. But no, it looks like it was indeed Amelia! My guess is that since she's losing control of herself she's also accidentally rewriting the world formula as well.

Okay, I'm going to nitpick the translation just a bit here, but in the manga they go for the more literal "What are you?" which is what Vanitas is really asking. That, to me, seems pertinent, because asking who Noé is is one thing, but asking what he is reveals that Vanitas is used to dealing with all manner of people, several of whom aren't human at all.

And on the note of translating things, I think I'll detour slightly to talk about Vanitas's voice type because I've seen a couple people say he sounds too rough. I get this because the English translation (both versions) tend to make Vanitas sound kind of elegant. However, the fact of the matter is that Vanitas has always been speaking very rough Japanese and isn't very elegant at all. 8D That's a difficult thing to capture in a translation since it's not like he's cursing like a sailor or anything that would make it easy to portray; it's just a style of speech. Anyway, what I'm getting at is that them casting a "rough" sort of voice for Vanitas in the anime actually fits in with how he's been speaking in Japanese.

You know a character has pulled some stuff when one of your favorite moments is them being chucked across the room. XD Ah, Vanitas, if you took a few seconds to explain things maybe you wouldn't be in the middle of a fight right now... However, the anime definitely played up how extreme of a hit this was. Don't get me wrong, Noé sent him flying in the manga, too, but in that he only slammed into the bench rather than through a statue and everything else. While I can appreciate the added drama, it does raise the question of what Vanitas's spine is made out of for it not to have snapped. (^^)"

Wow, Naenia is even creepier animated. :D Her voice is basically exactly what I thought it would be with that delightfully creepy reverb. I'm loving it. And I also like that they kept this manga panel and just added color.

And this is the moment that will have many of you mistakenly thinking Vanitas is a noble-minded fellow, but don't be deceived! He has about 10 million issues and at least half of those are aimed at women. 8D The rest are aimed at the entirety of vampire and humankind. That's not to say Vanitas is without redeeming qualities--he is still one of the heroes of this show--but he's not as straightforwardly wholesome as Noé.

Dante was actually quite a highlight of this episode for me even though he was barely in it. I love the voice they chose for him and he's also the only person who knows what Vanitas is actually like, so he has the most natural reaction to him. XD Everyone is amazed and impressed by what Vanitas has done--as well they should be because it is impressive--but Dante has to work with him. He knows.

This was probably my favorite part of the whole episode. The combination of the music and visuals really emphasized the nostalgic vibe of this moment. It really feels like a beginning and and end. I'm so glad we got to see this animated.

Teacher! They deprived us of seeing him at the start, but we got this shot in the flashback. I still find it strange that they made the estate more... estate-like rather than opening up into a forest like the manga, but it's still effective. We also get to see the silhouette of Louis. ): Truly, everything about Noé's statement, saying he finds the blue moon beautiful, is something we see challenged throughout the series in subtle ways. Can he find something beautiful when it's the source of so much pain? The series isn't over, so I guess we'll have to wait and see.

I will say that the end of the episode with Vanitas's manic grin and Noé's declaration he would eventually kill him by his own hand felt a little more impactful in the manga for me, but it was still very good in the anime as well. I did like that the anime included more people in the "what we gained and lost" section, such as Roland and Loki.

Anyway, the anime is off to a fantastic start! Ahh, the fact that we'll get an episode weekly is so exciting; definitely looking forward to the next. (^^)

[carlatsukinamistolemyhamsandwich]

I love your wonderful imagination! Thank you so much for your writing tips!

I want to write a one-shot where the Sakamakis and Mukamis make a temporary alliance to fight against the Founders and protect Yui/MC. I want it to be a fanfic full of angst where the Founders slaughter the vampires without mercy, because let's face it, the Tsukinami are demons that are several centuries old and both brothers have a lot more combat experience than the Sakamakis and Mukamis ¯\_(ツ)_/¯.

My question is: do you have any tips for writing the Tsukinami in action scenes? How do you think each would fight?

I'm also thinking of adding a scene where Shin attacks Yui in his wolf form to knock her unconscious, but I think that might be too cruel 😞.

No problem anon, I’m glad I can help!

In terms of tips for writing the Tsukinami boys in a fight...

Shin very rarely uses his magic in fights (in fact I think the only examples are his LE vampire ending where he uses it on Kino and at the end of his Zero CD), he appears to prefer fighting with a sword or hand to hand if it comes down to it (although I have just learned from his Daylight CD that he can throw knives too). If you do want to have him use magic then from memory I’m pretty sure he just blasts Kino while in his Zero CD from the sound effects he seems to use some sort of lightning attack.

Carla on the other hand will default to using his magic, and as Chaos Lineage shows, it's pretty damn effective. That being said, Carla can fight using a sword and he’s very good at it (even better than Shin), although I can’t really see him using one against the Sakamaki or Mukami brothers as I imagine his powers alone would be enough to overwhelm them unless one of them has inherited Karl’s abilities (I’m using CL as my reference here). 

In terms of other things to consider, Shin is much more likely to toy with his enemies (i.e. taunting them and deliberately not immediately finishing them off), especially if he’s feeling overconfident (and if he’s fighting vampires then he will be), whereas Carla is much more brutal and efficient. In a fight, Carla generally tends to just blow things up but he can do a lot more with his magic (see this list I made a couple of years ago), so you can get a bit more creative with it if you want to.

If you want references then Ruki’s DF Ecstasy 09 chapter is a pretty good example of Shin fighting people when he’s gone off the deep end. An example of him when he’s more in control (and using a sword) would be Yuma’s DF Manservant ending. For Carla, his CL route is a pretty good point of reference, although if you want some examples of cool uses of his magic then it might be worth checking out his Versus III CD with Ayato.

As for having Shin knock Yui out with his wolf form, it’s up to you whether you want to include it or not. If it’s dark enough that it would make you uncomfortable then he could easily just grab her in his human form, but considering that he has knocked her out in his wolf form twice in canon (his Versus II CD and his DF route), it certainly wouldn’t be out of character for him to do it if you’re comfortable writing it.

I think that’s all I have for the moment, if you want more advice on Shin and Carla’s characterisation then just let me know!

[divetothefandom]

MY FAVORITE THING ABOUT HIM | High Speed!

Asahi:

I love his energy whatsoever, he was enthusiatic as a kid and fiery.

All the times they got him flustered were hilarious and cute

He always break the tension in purpose which is super refreshing

With stuff like “Now that I’ve wrapped that so nicely”

He doesn’t fear being the one ridiculed like, he do gets flustered, but he never stops being himself.

He is a cutie

He is always supporting everyone even if people end up mocking him or not taken seriously because he’s hyperactive, but he still supports everyone and often says what they need to hear.

Ikuya:

I admit that I don’t feel too strongly about Ikuya, he’s cute but I didn’t feel overwhelmed.

But oof, probably the way I related to him in DF made every minute on screen with him hurt particuarly hard.

I love how he has blooming when he lets go of his problems and becomes a smiley boy

I genuinely related to the whole isolating of everyone because it’s easier to not get hurt. But being lonely hurts him.

And I always like the 180 he does, from sad boyo to happy bab

He’s emotional scenes are really touching.

I like to see him finding his happy sparks

Natsuya:

As a big sister I related to him

He is very protective of Ikuya even if that means having Ikuya hating him

He is a good leader

He keeps a lot of people in control which I really admire.

And he knows how far to push with different people.

He always has good advice and will motivate them to be improve

Nao:

This one is simple, he always says the right thing

No one can disagree

He is very observant and very insightful

Every time he opens his mouth, it’s to say something important or useful.

He never says what someone what someone wants to hear, but what they NEED to hear

But even better, even when calling someone out on their bs or touch a sensitive nerve, he is super sweet and gentle about it.

He is lovely. Bless his soul.

Kisumi:

Oof, at first I didn’t like him. Like, he was just a fan service character.

He had nothing better to it besides being good looking. And that annoyed me.

But HS and especially in Dive to the Future he developed a lot and showed that he was actually very sweet and happy go lucky guy.

How he is annoying everyone is funny, because he is always mocking them and saying stuff that embarrasses everyone.

He always says things that hit too close to home for everyone else and is always on point. He’s a tease, which is funny.

But he weirdly helps, which I like that.

And he’s very social which I admire.

He is a smooth cookie.

Hiyori:

Oof, tough one, he was a very strong antagonist

The things he said were very hurtful which made me want to strangle him

But rewatching the season… Man, I can understand why he does what he does.

He’s not straight up limiting Ikuya’s support group as everyone says.

He is trying to keep Haru, Makoto and Asahi away from Ikuya. And… It kinda makes sense from his point of view.

To Hiyori hey are the team that abandoned Ikuya, they (unintentionally) caused him to have a mid-practice breakdown that incidentally sent him to the hospital.

Of course it makes sense that he’d want to keep THEM away from Ikuya. The HS!Relay team didn’t intend that to happen, and Ikuya doesn’t resent them personally. But Hiyori doesn’t have the full picture.

Hiyori put himself on the fire line against the 3 in an attempt to protect Ikuya, even if it was doing a number on his mental health, he kept it up if it meant keeping Ikuya safe.

He was wrong, because Ikuya needed to remeet his friends, to have more of his friends back as a reminder that he wasn’t alone, but he everything he did was try to keep Ikuya away from a potential harm. Which I respect.

I felt happy for him seeing him afterwards all relaxed and just vibing around Ikuya seeing them both alright and in good terms, because in the end they all wanted the same thing.

Protecting their friends.

IWATOBI | SAMEZUKA | MASTERPOST

[everything-laito]

Hypersexuality and Laito Sakamaki (UPDATED)

Hiya guys! Been a long ass time since I’ve made a post like this, I’ve been getting so much ask box activity + had school so I haven’t had the time to make an original post! This has been something I wanted to write for a while, and not only was I busy with school, but this one hits home hard to me personally, so I was going back and forth for a bit writing it. But I think I’m ready :)

I know there’s kind of a general consensus that anything DL related comes along with a trigger warning whether stated or not, but just a TW considering I’ll be talking about some real life experiences; not in depth or detail of course, but just mentions of it :) Not only is this a Laito analysis but it’s also an educational tool to help other people know about this!

So, without further ado, rant under the cut! 

Hypersexuality is something that many sexual assault/harassment and rape survivors experience after the abuse. People associate asexuality or sexual repulsion as the only (or common) psychological affect after experiencing those situations. However, there is another affect that can happen, and it is more common than people think, and aforementioned, it’s hypersexuality. It’s basically having more sexual feeling and urges after the experience, in order to cope with the nonconsensual one. And it’s exactly what Laito experienced after Cordelia’s abuse.

I’ve also experienced something like this. I don’t believe I’ve experienced it in full swing, but definitely something like it. I haven’t been raped thankfully, but I have been sexually harassed/assaulted before a handful of times. I know I’ve briefly mentioned that in other analyses, but I’m just explicitly stating it here.

I first learned about hypersexuality this year actually, and my Laito nerd brain was like “holy shit that’s the name of what Laito is going through.” Then I was like “oh fuck I’ve gone through that a little bit too.” I thought going along with  would help me “heal” myself, and it really was doing the opposite. (UPDATE: realized that what I thought was a lot of sexual trauma/hypersexuality was mostly compulsory heterosexuality (but still with those dabbled in too—quite a terrible combo) because last month I realized I’m not attracted to men! Although those experiences I mentioned did mess me up a bit, realizing this is a huge step in the right direction for my own mental well being. Just had to make this correction on my part, since the original post had more emotional investment than I would have liked it to :)) 

Like I have said in my little update, I realized I was going through mostly compulsory heterosexuality while also going through some minor sexual trauma/hypersexuality. Although again, I have not had it as bad as Laito has or other sexual assault survivors (which I am grateful for that), I still have a personal grasp of coping mechanisms with traumatic experiences or experiences I did not particularly enjoy. (If you are interested in learning more about compulsory heterosexuality, feel free to send me an ask! I just don’t feel that it’s appropriate to talk about it in regards to Laito or make a post about it, since it doesn’t relate to him)

And that’s probably also why I can resonate with Laito so much, at least on that scale, and even if I experienced a grain of what he’s going through. I know he’s fictional but these are definitely real experiences and real feelings. 

Laito’s case is a bit different than just feeling overtly sexual. Although he’s trying to heal himself through sex and other intimate actions, he’s also doing it as a type of revenge. He doesn’t like purity, and in fact, he’s quite jealous of it. I’ve heard this is also a pretty human way of coping with this type of abuse, and it is why I love Yui as a character. She’s incredibly strong and sets an example for Laito. This makes Laito jealous yet entertained by her, and that’s also a reason why he probably keeps her around. He also attempts to use Yui as a vessel to avenge his own feelings (even not knowing about Cordelia being in her at first). I  personally wasn’t like that, but given the circumstances, there’s definitely people who are. Laito’s character can be so human to me sometimes, its astonishing, despite him being a character, a vampire, and just generally does some wacky or terrible shit. 

You could say his hypersexuality could also be similar to typical Pavlovian Conditioning. You’ve probably heard of the whole experiment of training (conditioning) a dog to expect food when they hear a certain sound and thus, his mouth waters. We’re conditioned by a lot of things in our lives, from triggering a “flight or fight” response from this specific ringtone or high school bell. It’s just a built in “routine” our minds utilize to process pattern recognition. I know I say this a lot, but we don’t know how vampire brains in the DL universe compare to human brains (and quite frank, I don’t think we will), so I will just do my typical human brain picking. 

In Laito’s case, he was conditioned to “love” Cordelia in a fashion that was incredibly gross. No, I won’t sugar coat it. In my Cordelia/Laito analysis, I talk about how Laito was probably groomed. Grooming is another type of conditioning. Although I don’t believe his grooming was sexual, it definitely “prepares” the victim to be exploited in that fashion later on. It’s to build a false sense of trust to be betrayed. Later on, when Cordelia started having sex with Laito, he became used to it in a “conditioned” fashion. When someone said that Cordelia was calling him, he knew what it was. He also thought it’s what he wanted, even though he knew that he didn’t. I believe I have referenced his MB Dark Prologue monologue before, but not this part of it. Here’s the monologue: 

――Who is it that I give my love to? Throwing myself away, I caught the sight of someone Someone I didn’t recognize, Suddenly, I realized I was looking into a mirror. The mirror reflected myself within it. I couldn’t see anything else. I am disgraceful for this greed. I was wearing a visage. What I wanted, certainly was love. It’s not that easy. Because of these words, I suffer. No matter how many times love is said, The only thing that will be important to me, Is only the physical contact and body.

I know I've said it in the Laito/Cordelia analysis, but Laito is visibly confused in his flashbacks. He’s trying to grasp what love is, but then convinces himself that love is physical contact, and not emotional connection, especially near the end. He knows he’s suffering but he is still conditioned to think like this. Same case for people who suffer from hypersexuality. 

Although many people do not know why it occurs, it can be a symptom or “side effect” from disorders, medication, and the like. In the sexual trauma case, I believe a main reason is that the person utilizes sex to cope with trauma, or because they are used to sexual acts being forced upon them. That’s where conditioning still comes in. He’s treated as one of her suitors, lovers, or the like. Even as a stand-in for Richter and Karlheinz. He doesn’t consider Cordelia to be his mom until the DF Vampire ending. On top of him not receiving emotional gratification which leads to all sorts of just awful stuff for him, sexual attention is the only type that he receives until Yui comes along. He is used to not having emotional support or connections, which is why physical contact is what he is more “comfortable” with, while at the end of the day it still does not satisfy him.  

It creates a positive feedback loop of him being unsatisfied, while being confused about where he’s unsatisfied in, leading to him trying to “fix” himself or avoid his own personal, emotional problems through lust and sex, but then still finding himself not “healing.” Then the cycle continues, enthusing his hyper sexual behavior even more.

I was sent some great articles from @souchiika on the DL discord (thank you so much!) and one of the articles stood out to me, since I did not talk about this type of topic on this blog yet. Here’s the link to the article, and here’s the quote that stood out to me!

Furthermore, indirect effects were also statistically significant, providing support to the hypothesis that depression and guilt would be serial mediators of trauma-hypersexual behavior relations. The paths through depression and guilt have been found to be the most significant with moderate and high indirect effects on hypersexuality. Moreover, male gender, as covariate variable, is a relevant risk factor for hypersexual behavior.

Hypersexuality is something that is still being researched like I mentioned earlier, but since these findings came out, it definitely makes sense in Laito’s case (and in general). Like I said, Laito does feel unsatisfied and even shameful of his actions, which is more apparent in the beginning of his and Cordelia’s “relationship.” In those flashbacks, he asks himself if this is what he really wants, and although he attempts to force himself to like these actions as a coping mechanism, there is still a relative degree of shame and guilt he has. It is also apparent nearing his DF Ecstacy ending when he finds out that Karlheinz foresaw Cordelia having sex with him, and even wanted it to happen. All that shame and guilt came bellowing out while he was in a fit of distress. In initial attempts to mediate this guilt and shame, he projected his feelings onto other women through sexual acts, leading to more of this hypersexual loop. I know I talk about Laito projecting a lot, but it is frequent in his character. Like I’ve always said, it’s typical “bully” power dynamic manipulation. If Laito can bring a victim of his down to his level, then he feels better about himself (but it satisfies him for only a short while, until Yui in MB+). 

Also, note that this is no excuse or justification for him to rape or sexually assault others. It is merely an explanation as to why he does it (as for my posts in general, it’s not a justification, it’s an explanation). 

Another reminder that rape and sexual assault isn’t about the sexual urges, but about power. That’s why anybody with any background can do it, given the circumstances. 

This post was a bit hard for me to write, so I apologize if I got too overtly personal for your liking. Like I’ve said in the past, I’m not writing this to gain sympathy too, and sure that sounds superficial of me to say now (although I truly mean it), I just want to use my platform as an educational tool. Sorry about the change in my typical tone :) 

Sorry if this was too much of a doozy, I really wanted to talk about it and to educate people, despite it being a bit personal. I just felt like the most effective way was to convey how real this topic is, despite this fandom knowing about it in a fictional setting. 

I hope you have a great day! -Corn

[olivieblake]

anon who sent in the ask about paradox here:

OMG I'M SO SORRY. PLEASE don't be offended by what I said about the ships, I'm so so so sorry about that. I ADORE your writing, I just didn't click with those particular ships, but every other part of the book was just pure poetry. nottpott in both universes? magical. theo nott in literally any universe? beautiful. jily in grindelverse!? PLEASE THEY'RE SO CUTE. the writing in general? AHHHHHHHH OMG AMAZING. the plot? BRILLIANT. even wolfstar, a ship I don't really follow, was adorable. I'm SO sorry about what I said about the ships, they were written very well, but I just didn't vibe with them. and that's completely on me and not you. on another note, I hope your baby decides to come out eventually (whenever it wants to, yeah?) and you and mr blake and the baby settle in well

also something I forgot to add:

I read lethal combination and LOVED it. the whole mystery about magic, the nottpott and the groupchat, god it was amazing. it was really refreshing, in the terms of plot and ships. all I want is for someone to forge me a sword too ugh (think theo would do one for me if I asked him?)

I haven't read nobility/DFS/HTWFAIP yet, and I'm saving those for last, I just started the atlas six and bought masters of death. I'm currently binging on all your works (I usually can't binge because of my ADHD) and you are THAT amazing of a writer.

I brought up that fic's storied history because I'm aware it didn't vibe with a lot of people (which they were all too happy to inform me while it was being written, but I am cool with us having secrets from each other!!) in any case, I hope you enjoy the rest of my works—in general, I do think you are unlikely to run into the same problem of not vibing with the way dramione is written since Paradox is pretty unique in that respect (minus Nobility, potentially, which is... 60%? 75%? tomione, and generally more about the relationship between two female rivals than it is about the romance)

thank you very very much for reading and thank you also for your kind wishes! bebe is out and he is the most beautiful alien in the cosmos