#but the rest of them have to take an extra exam with a curriculum of 15 chapters of a text book

[sunuism]

why do i feel like i learned more japanese in the two months ive been back than i did the entire time i was in japan

[lucysweatslove]

We're halfway through disability pride month and I want to bring something up that many of us don't know or don't think about.

We know that the medical system, at least here in the US, is not very disability-friendly. Have you ever wondered where that starts? Why so many docs do this bullshit?

Medical education is incredibly hostile towards their own students with disabilities.

It's such a problem that the American Medical Association has written ethical discussions about this only two years ago. Schools may say they are inclusive/want to foster diversity via disability status, but in practice, most only do the bare minimum required legally. They also cultivate a culture that does not respect disabilities- including not just physical disabilities such as mobility limitations and limb differences but psychological and learning disabilities and chronic health conditions.

We, as medical students, are told indirectly through policies + para- and non-verbal communication that disabilities are burdensome and do not belong in medicine. Our accommodations are given in accordance to law, not out of desire to create an inclusive environment. Psychological disabilities are still heavily stigmatized to the point that when potential students apply, they are nearly universally advised against disclosure. Once accepted, accommodations for reasonable time off for adequate rest, access to private spaces for medical telehealth appointments, time off for required in-person appointments, and even during learning, accommodations like extra time on tests or taking exams in private areas to reduce distraction are seen as "unfair advantaged." Being able to act "abled" as much as possible may not be an outwardly spoken goal, but the subtext in conversation is that if there is something we as disabled students can do to make everybody else more comfortable around us and seem "less" disabled, we should do that.

Physical disabilities that are common enough that most people reasonably accommodate for them- such as being deaf or HOH or blind- are not viewed favorably even when assistive technology gets them up to technical standards. A deaf/HOH physician can use specialized stethoscopes to visualize sound patterns, or they may use an amplifier that can bluetooth to hearing aids or cochlear implants, but they are still experience push-back for not being able to use "regular" stethoscopes.

When disabilities cannot be accommodated, the language and tone used sends the message that the person with the disability is wrong or unfit. Programs do not take often accountability for having inaccessible facilities or policies.

The "hidden curriculum" in medical education is that people with disabilities are burdens. Difficult to accommodate. And that we should make ourselves and our needs as small as possible. For those of us with disabilities- we learn internalized ableism even if we didn't come in with much.

Why would doctors, trained in an ableist environment, trained to view disabilities as burdens and accommodations as unfair, treat YOU, their disabled patient, with dignity and respect?

Disability inclusion is needed at every single step to ensure fair and equitable treatment for all.

[magiclcss]

Acadia School for the Gifted and Talented was a school located in the center of a large city somewhere in Japan, and the school Kaede went to prior to joining the Port Mafia. It taught students from the ages of 10-18, and unlike normal schools, the students were scouted by the school itself. Sending recruiters from the school to look around the various schools and observe the children in their classes until ultimately choosing which students they want attending their school.

While it seemed like a normal school on the outside, school was secretly teaching and training the next generation of assassin’s under the government’s nose. Using psychological conditioning, manipulation, and fear mongering to keep the students in line and under their thumbs until the graduated.

Monday's, Wednesday's, and Friday's were dedicated to normal curriculum that one would learn in any school. Tuesday's, Thursday's, and Saturday's were dedicated to learning gruesome assassin training ( including hand-to-hand combat training, acrobatics, weapons training, tactical skills, ect. ect. ), and learning how to use and control ones special ability. Sunday's were usually the day the student's were able to rest, catch up on studies, or participate in extra training. Older students were permitted to leave campus, but the had to return by curfew.

Speaking of curfew; each and every student, regardless of age, had a curfew of 10 pm. Unless there's an emergency regarding the school or a students family, no one is permitted to leave or enter the school past 10 pm.

The school itself was a very "Everyone for themselves" type of situation. While there were different types of friend groups and cliques, no one really trusted each other. Relying on each other for emotional support was not an option because you could never tell just who was willing to stab you in the back at any given moment, nor who would report you to the staff if you spoke negatively about the school.

The "Graduation Ceremony" takes place during ones senior year. After successfully passing a series of physical and mental tests, as well as written exams- the students have to take everything they've learned for the past eight years and kill someone of the higher ups choosing. They don't have a choice and if they do refuse, then they automatically fail. It's only once a student successfully makes their first kill then they get to graduate. Throughout the history of the school, only five people failed the Graduation Ceremony. The story of those five varies depending on who's telling the story, so nobody know exactly what happened to them.

Cellphones, social media to be more precise, were strictly prohibited due to the off chance that the true nature of the school would be exposed. There were televisions, yes- however, the list of tv shows and movies they were allowed to watch was extremely limited. The only access to the internet students were allowed to have were in the computer lab- but even then, they were strictly monitored by faculty and were only allowed in during certain hours during the week.

The school has been under investigation only three times, and all the times, the people investigating were bribed by the headmistress with copious amount of yen to turn the other way.

[silvfyre-writings]

Aizawa Cares Pt. 21 (MHA Fanfic)

I'm baaaack with another part to Aizawa Cares. This chapter features Hagakure, so I hope you enjoy reading!!!

With every new year, came a new set of students; a new set of kids that would try and test his very limited patience to the extreme. And Aizawa considered himself to be a very patient teacher. Sure, his co-workers might disagree, but he knew he was patient; he had to be for the line of work he did. But he also didn’t like to waste his patience, since he had such a small amount of it to give each class; so, if the students weren’t worth his patience, they didn’t stick around in his class. There was the occasional, odd exception, but so far, none of his students had met the requirements.

But then he’d seen the kids that were to be his newest class.

A variety of children with a wild range of quirks were nothing new to him; that was what being a teacher in a hero school was all about. However, this year was certainly the strangest set of quirks he’d seen, and Aizawa wasn’t sure whether he should be intrigued or worried. There were the usual hard-hitting students; one kid with super strength, another with literal explosions, but then there were kids that had him questioning what they did to pass the entrance exam; a kid that could talk to animals, another with hairballs that stuck to things, and a girl with invisibility. Now that intrigued Aizawa. It was no secret that UA’s entrance exam was designed to favour those with flashy quirks, so seeing someone who very much didn’t have such a quirk pass the exam was impressive. Not even he’d managed to pass the entrance exam back when he was a student.

This new class was certainly shaping up to be interesting, and he hadn’t even met them yet.

“Oh, have you gotten your class list already, Shouta?” Nemuri leaned over from beside Aizawa, peering at him through her glasses. “Nezu must think you need the extra preparation this year.”

“Or maybe, you just didn’t get chosen to be a homeroom teacher this year.” Aizawa fired back without missing a beat. “Hizashi got given his.”

“Oh? What poor souls have him as their homeroom teacher?”

“General Studies. Class C if you must know.”

“Oh dear.” Nemuri gasped, moving back so that she was in front of her own desk. Aizawa didn’t have to look at his colleague to know that she was making some kind of ridiculous pose. He’d known the woman for over ten years now; he knew what she was like. He was just glad that Hizashi wasn’t here to compliment her dramatics. “Those children have no idea what’s coming for them.”

“If the gen-ed students are anything like the ones I’m getting, its Hizashi that’ll have to be afraid.”

“What makes you say that?”

Aizawa held out his class list towards Nemuri, waiting for the woman to read over it. He was soon rewarded with the sound of her spitting out her drink. A quick glance showed that she was staring at him with shocked eyes, coffee slowly staining the paper on her desk. Aizawa hoped that the paper wasn’t anything important.

“This is your class?”

“Yep.” Aizawa confirmed, taking back his class list and filing it away to go over later when he needed to decide the curriculum for his new class.

“What did you do to piss off Nezu?” Nemuri grinned deviously, trying to discover gossip that wasn’t even existent to begin with.

“Why is that your immediate assumption?”

“Well, what’s Kan’s class like? He’s teaching Heroics as well this year isn’t he?”

“Kan’s off sick today, so I guess we’ll find out when he gets back.” Aizawa shrugged, leaning back in his chair. There was no chance of him completing any of his work while Nemuri was chatting at him. Unlike Hizashi, the woman was impossible to ignore when she wanted to talk—and Hizashi’s quirk was his voice.

“Sick? The school year ends and suddenly all the teachers are dropping like flies.” Nemuri sighed, leaning back in her own chair. Her words rang true, for they were the only teachers in the faculty office; Snipe and Thirteen were off doing hero work during the break, but the rest of their colleagues had come down with some sort of virus that had spread rather quickly. Aizawa would know; Hizashi was back at their shared home, more like a corpse than a living person right now.

Schools. If there was one thing they were good for, it was building a good immune system.

“Shouta.” Nemuri whined after only a few seconds of silence. Didn’t she have any work of her own to complete?

“What? I’m trying to work.”

“Come out drinking with me tonight. You can’t argue that it’s a school night because we’re on break right now.”

“As tempting as that is, I’ll have to decline. I need to drop by the pharmacist today and pick up Hizashi’s meds.” Aizawa did regret turning his colleague down. He never did mind going out for drinks with his closest friends, the both of them understanding that he wasn’t much of a social person and letting him enjoy his drinks in peace. Besides, whenever they got drunk, it was amusing to watch—if he wasn’t drunk with them of course.

“Poor guy still toeing Death’s door?” Nemuri asked.

“He got worse a couple of days ago, but he’s recovering now. And making my life miserable.”

“Don’t say that, Shouta. You love him.”

Aizawa didn’t dignify that sentence with a response, instead just glaring at the woman as she waved and quickly fled the room, leaving Aizawa alone to his thoughts. Peace and quiet. Now I can get some actual work done.

It was only two months into the school year and Aizawa was more exhausted than he’d ever been in his life. And sore. But that probably had to do with almost dying in the first week of school; a record for him honestly, and it wasn’t even at the hands of his students this time. If asked about what he’d thought the school year would entail, he would’ve said that the sheer combination of quirks within his class would’ve destroyed one of UA’s buildings; not villains attacking his class on their very first rescue training exercise.

Aizawa’s memories were foggy of the next month and a half, on the account of him being drugged up to stave off the pain that had come with the injuries he’d sustained during the USJ attack. That didn’t mean, he didn’t remember what happened, just that it took a little longer to think about than it would’ve for any of his other colleague’s. But now he was pain-free—mostly—and bandage-free; ready to begin teaching his class properly with no more interruptions.

Hopefully.

“Today we’re doing quirkless sparring.” Aizawa said as his student’s stood before him in the gym. He studied each of them to see their reactions to his words. Bakugo looked furious, whereas Midoriya looked terrified. He mentally noted to keep those two far apart from each other for this exercise. Continuing in his scan, he also noticed the girls edging away from Mineta and made a note to keep the boy away from any of his female students. Honestly, the combination of quirks he had to deal with was bad enough; why did he have to get such vastly different personalities as well?

Aizawa paused to take a breath. That kind of thinking was dangerous for a teacher to have; not every student was the same, and that was just how life worked.

“Um… Aizawa-sensei?” Hagakure’s timid voice was somehow audible amongst the rest of her rowdy classmates. Then he noticed the floating uniform in front of him and realized that his student had come to stand in front of him. The familiar pang of guilt that came every time he failed to notice the girl ran through him. It had already been a few months since school started, he should be used to it by now.

“Yes, Hagakure?”

“Well, if we’re sparring without our quirks, what should I do?” Hagakure’s voice dropped off towards the end. It was easy to tell how dejected she was.

And Aizawa couldn’t blame her when her quirk was always active. He couldn’t even begin to imagine what going through life being unable to be seen was like. Aizawa had looked over Hagakure’s student file before the start of the school year; the girl had been an average student with poor attendance scores, which was probably a result of being invisible than anything else. He’d talked with the girl’s parents as well just to find out a little bit more about his student. It wasn’t common for quirks to be active constantly, and anyone that tried to do so usually ended up collapsing from quirk exhaustion.

But according to Hagakure’s parents, she’d been born invisible, and both parents were unsure where it had come from since neither of them had invisibility-related quirks.

Either way, Aizawa had vowed to keep an eye on the girl, hoping to somehow find a way to teach her to control her quirk so that she didn’t have to be invisible all the time. Which was hard to do when he couldn’t see her, but he was nothing if not determined. And right now, he had a distraught student to take care of.

“You can still spar, Hagakure.” Aizawa reassured the girl, hoping to keep the waterworks at bay. One thing he’d learnt about Hagakure, was that she was an easy crier; crying at the simplest of things.

“But my partner won’t see me, Sensei! How can I spar without my quirk when it’s always active?” Hagakure sniffed, shoulders slumping dejectedly.

“You can spar with me, Hagakure.” Aizawa’s saviour came in the form of Yaoyorozu, his top student coming up to place a hand on Hagakure’s shoulder. “If it bothers you that much, I can craft something up, or we can put some make up on you.”

“Really?”

��Of course! We’ll sort something out. Just because your quirk is always active, doesn’t mean you can’t participate with the rest of us!” Yaoyorozu soothed, leading Hagakure away to where the rest of the class had already paired off and started fighting. “I can always create some infrared glasses to…”

The voices trailed off until Aizawa was left standing on his own, supervising his class as they tried to pummel each other. He had a feeling that Iida was the one that had matched everyone up, for he noticed immediately that Bakugo and Midoriya were as far apart from each other as they could be. Which was good—he had no desire to give Shuzenji anymore work today, not after all the work she’d put in in helping him recover.

Thankfully, his students didn’t feel like breaking any bones today, because the lesson ended without any major injuries. Many of the kids looked sore after being tossed into the ground repeatedly, but those were wounds that would heal quickly, with icepacks to take away any pain. Aizawa’s gaze lingered over Hagakure and Yaoyorozu, noting that the girl seemed much happier than she had been before; invisible skin marked with some sort of body paint to make each limb visible. He certainly had to give credit to Yaoyorozu for her smart thinking. The girl was always on top of any problem with her classmates.

“Good work today.” He addressed his students. “We’ll continue practicing for the rest of the week, but you won’t be allowed to have the same partner. You can only improve if you spar against all kinds of people rather than just who you know.”

“But why do we need to learn this, Sensei?” Kaminari asked. He’d been one of the students that had non-existent hand to hand combat skills. “We have quirks for a reason.”

Aizawa raised an eyebrow. “And what if you’re in a situation where you can’t use your quirk? What if you run into a villain that can negate quirks like I can? Villains are getting smarter and stronger every year, so knowing how to fight them without your quirks can be very beneficial. Of course, it does depend on the villain. You wouldn’t try to fight someone who can make themselves giant without your quirk.”

“Oh…”

Seeing the boy look dejected, he decided to throw the kid a bone. “By the end of the week, you should all be able to at least defend yourself. Today was just to see who needs work and who’s already proficient. Next lesson you can all spar against me. I can tell you what you need to work on. Now go get changed and get back for your next class.”

“Yes, Aizawa-sensei.”

The longer the school year went on, the more he learnt about his students; mostly just how much trouble they managed to get themselves into. And most of the time, it wasn’t even their fault, they were just in the wrong place at the wrong time.

Which is what had just happened.

It was the weekend, meaning that his class was at home doing whatever it is teenager’s these days do, and he was at home, catching up on some much-needed sleep. Only to get a phone call from Hagakure, the girl sobbing into the phone receiver so hard, Aizawa was surprised that tears didn’t start coming out of his phone. It took him several minutes to calm the girl down enough to get her to tell him what had happened.

“I was at the mall by myself, and I’d just left a shop when the security guard came after me! He thinks I’ve stolen something because, ‘invisibility is the perfect quirk for committing a crime’! He won’t let me leave, Sensei!” Hagakure sobbed, her words becoming very thick and hard to understand by the end of it. But he got the gist of it.

And he was furious.

Quirkist people were unfortunately common enough to make the lives of people with ‘villainous’ quirks a misery. Any kind of quirk that wasn’t loud or flashy, was immediately deemed a villain’s quirk by those people—quite often without any care towards the person who had the quirk. He, himself, had dealt with several quirkist people over the years, many of them claiming that being able to erase quirks was cruel to do. They always acted like it was permanent, which in those cases, he sometimes wished it was. Just a little bit.

So to hear that one of his own students had encountered such a person, that had dared to accuse her of being a villain, it filled him with rage. Hagakure was the kind of girl that could never hurt an innocent person. She was always kind and helpful towards her classmates and those she interacted with, always making sure they were okay, and asking them about her day. There was no way she’d ever attempt to steal. Not unless she had to. His brain supplied unhelpfully.

“I’m on my way down. What mall are you at?” Aizawa asked. He was already throwing on his hero costume and making his way out the door as Hagakure rattled off her location to him. “That’s not too far, I’ll be there soon. Just ignore him if you can, Hagakure. He’s not the police, so he can’t do anything other than keep you there.”

“Okay. Thank you.”

Hagakure hung up, which meant that Aizawa could now move faster. He unleashed his capture weapon, using it to swing through the air at high speeds to get to the mall faster. Sure, he could’ve used public transport, but he’d never done well with crying children. Hizashi—and Midnight—had always told him that he could never leave an upset child alone.

Sometimes his friends knew him better than he knew himself. A terrifying thought.

It didn’t take long for him to reach the mall, and track down a security guard, telling him that he was the teacher of the girl they’d detained earlier, and demanded to be taken to her. The security guard at stared at him, sneering, but had taken him to his student in the end.

“Sensei!” An invisible weight slammed into his body, and it was only years of experience that stopped him from falling on his ass. He wrapped an arm around Hagakure’s trembling form, placing his other hand on top of her head—if the hair he felt was anything to go by. “You came!”

“I told you I would, didn’t I?”

Hagakure nodded, burying her face into his jumpsuit. He was reminded in that moment that this was a fifteen-year-old girl, who’d just wanted to go shopping, and should’ve been able to do so without being harassed. He turned to glare at the security guard that had detained Hagakure, hoping that the woman could see just how angry he was.

“And who might you be?” The security guard glared back; arms crossed unhappily.

Ah, the joys of underground work. Aizawa would never admit it, but he very much enjoyed it when people didn’t recognize him. It was all the more satisfaction when he tore them down off their high horse. He grinned at the security guard, but it wasn’t a grin of pleasure. “Eraserhead. Pro-Hero, and teacher at UA High School. And the person you’ve detained is one of my hero students.”

“Hero? This girl? No way.” The security guard scoffed. “She was seen acting suspiciously in several stores, and was spotted putting something into her bag by staff.” The woman dropped a small bag of what looked like makeup on the table.

Aizawa frowned, glancing over at Hagakure’s bag, a handbag, nothing fancy, but just a regular bag that most females took out shopping with them. He didn’t want to believe that his student would steal something, but the evidence and the security guards’ words were rather damning. But unless they could provide him with footage of Hagakure walking out of the store with the supposed ‘stolen’ item in question, he would believe her no matter what, because he trusted in his students, and wanted them to place their trust in him. So, he gently pulled back from Hagakure and looked his student in the eyes. “What happened Hagakure?”

“I was looking at makeup and found a skincare pack that works with my quirk, and I was heading towards the checkout to buy it, but then I saw some clothes I wanted to look at. So I put it in my bag so I could look at the clothes to buy it. Then security came up to me and accused me of stealing!” Hagakure sniffed, her clothes shifting as she rubbed away some of the tears. “I would never steal, Sensei! I was going to pay for it once I was finished looking!”

“I believe you, Hagakure.” Aizawa turned to the security guard, putting on his harshest glare. He was pleased to see the woman gulp when it was used on her. “Do you want to tell me why security has started detaining customers when they haven’t even left the store? Or do I have to bring it to the media’s attention that this complex is quirkist? I’m sure they’ll love hearing all about it.”

The woman chuckled nervously. “Now, uh, we don’t have to go that far, Eraserhead.”

“Don’t we?”

“No, no. Um, your student is more than welcome to go. We apologize for the misunderstanding.”

Aizawa grunted, walking over and picking up Hagakure’s bag, taking the items she’d been trying to purchase as well. If the girl was going to be falsely detained, she deserved to get what she’d ‘stolen’ as compensation for the security guards being incompetent at their job. And while he wouldn’t go to the media about it, he was certainly going to tell Nezu about it. And in his opinion, that was much worse.

“Come on, Hagakure, let’s go.” He gestured for his student to follow him, surprised when she buried herself into his side. Before she could pull away, Aizawa placed an arm around his student, offering her the comfort she wanted without her having to ask.

“Thank you, Aizawa-sensei.”

Several days had passed since the mall incident with Hagakure, and aside from being a little quieter, the girl seemed to be doing fine. He’d escorted her home and told her parents what had happened. Naturally, they were furious at the way their daughter had been treated and had promised to make the malls life a living hell once they were through with them. It had Aizawa the tiniest bit freaked out with how protective they were, but he figured that this mustn’t’ve been their first time dealing with such a situation.

But when Hagakure approached him after class one day, he should’ve realized that the incident had affected her more than she’d let show. The rest of his class filtered out of the room until it was only Hagakure and himself left. Aizawa slowed down in getting his materials together, patiently waiting for the girl to voice what it was that was bothering her.

It didn’t take long.

“Aizawa-sensei?”

“Yes, Hagakure?” He looked up, pausing in what he was doing, taking note of how tense Hagakure looked sitting in her seat. It reminded him very much of that day in the mall, when she’d been fighting back tears to try and stay strong in an unfair situation.

“Why do quirks that hurt people exist?”

That was an interesting question, not one he would’ve expected from the girl in front of him. He could argue that quirks didn’t harm, but that would’ve been a lie. Quirks shouldn’t hurt the people they belong to, but years of society being set in its ways, and the side effects of problematics quirks proved that some quirks were definitely more harmful than others. It should never have been this way; people couldn’t choose what quirks they were born with, and instead of finding support and kindness, they were met with ridicule and hatred. It was how villains were born; from people that couldn’t help the quirks they had, and tried to find support in their own way… often at the expense of others lives.

“That is a difficult question to answer. Why do you ask?”

“It’s just…” Hagakure trailed off, letting out a sigh that was far too heavy for a teenager to give. Whatever it was, it must’ve been weighing on his student for some time. “Everyone thinks invisibility is such a cool quirk, and that I’m lucky to have it, but… I’m not.”

“Why do you say that?” Aizawa asked coming over to lean against the desk in front of Hagakure’s.

Hagakure slammed her fists into her desk. “Because I can’t control it! I’m always invisible, so no one can see me, and I can’t see myself! And you saw what happened at the mall! They thought I was a villain! And that’s not even the first time that it’s happened.” Hagakure was crying now, a sound Aizawa was quickly becoming familiar with. And it didn’t make his heart clench any less hearing it. “I just want to be able to see myself, so why was I born like this?”

Aizawa let out a sigh of his own. It was an impossible question to answer, with no correct answer. He wanted nothing more than to be able to take Hagakure’s pain away from her, but that wasn’t something he could do. “I don’t have an answer for you, I’m afraid. It’s hard to say why we’re born with the quirks we are. The best thing you can do is try to accept your quirk.”

“Oh…” Hagakure’s head hit the table with a soft thud.

“I’m sorry it’s not the answer you were hoping for, kid.” Aizawa tried to reassure his student, even though he knew that it wouldn’t really help Hagakure feel better.

“Thanks anyway, Sensei.” Hagakure climbed from her seat, slowly shuffling towards the door. She’d only just reached for the handle when she paused, running back to Aizawa suddenly, having him shift backwards from the sudden close proximity. “What if you use your quirk on me?”

“My quirk?”

“Yes!” His student was bouncing on her heels now, excitement seeping into her tone and replacing the sadness from before. “You erase quirks, so surely you’d be able to erase mine! Please, Sensei, at least try!”

Aizawa lifted a hand to rub it against his chin thoughtfully. He thought back to the times he’d used his quirk against his class to get them to quiet down; it had never worked against Hagakure, but that could be because he wasn’t focusing on Hagakure solely. “I can’t guarantee it’ll work, Hagakure.”

“Please just try!” Hagakure begged him. “What if it does?”

“Alright.” Aizawa took a breath to centre himself, and then lifted his head, eyes flashing to red. He felt his hair lift—honestly, a part of his quirk he absolutely despised—and just stared at Hagakure, making sure to focus harder than he’d ever focused before.

But nothing happened.

Aizawa waited for an entire minute before letting his quirk drop, ignoring the burn in his eyes, because the moment his eyes returned to normal, Hagakure began to cry. But he knew that her tears were that of frustration rather than actually being upset. Still, he drew the girl into a hug, letting her cry into his shirt. He listened to her as she cried about how it wasn’t fair, how other people with invisibility could control it yet she couldn’t, how she was weak. Aizawa simply let her cry; it was all he could do in that moment. This wasn’t a problem that he could help with, and he didn’t think he ever could.

All Hagakure could do was persevere, and overcome the shortcomings of her quirk until a solution came forth. And that was something that Aizawa could help with.

But for now, he just held his student as she cried.

Quirks were unfair, that was just how the world worked since their emergence.

All one could do, was try and deal with it as best they could.

[iconic-classes]

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[sukrishna]

Commerce Coaching in Boring Road Patna: Sukrishna Commerce Academy

Sukrishna Commerce Academy is the best commerce coaching in  Boring Road, Patna for who is aspiring towards success in the commerce field. The academy is known for its avidness to create brilliant minds and give birth to future titans of commerce who have proved reliable and indispensable in this field. The institution has come under the scrutiny of many critics but has this have not been in vain since they have shown accountability and never give up on student success.

Originating from a dream to set up a scale where students can get the best coaching for the commerce examinations, Sukrishna Commerce Academy is the best commerce coaching in Patna and has emerged as the de-facto spot for students who extra-ordinary wish to do well in the commerce related examinations.. At this academy, all top faculty members, working in coordination with each other, give students an opportunity to get an education and the guidance at a very high level and empowering them to realize their academic objectives. Referring to Sukrishna Commerce Academy an effective feature is a well organized curriculum involving all areas of ecommerce degree course structured orderly. The institutions have trainings and workshops that cover the following CA exams and many more like: CA Foundation, CA Intermediate, CS Foundation, CS Executive and ICWA. SCA moved forward with the idea of taking up a holistic view on coaching which was not only about the theories for providing knowledge but also the skill sets of critical thinking, problem solving and taking exams. The school's advanced building facilities blend to provide students with unmatched learning environment which has enough space, modern amenities, and a well-stocked library. To be different from rest of the coaching centers in our performance, we will give single room attention to each student. The professors personally ensure that they differentiate between classes for individuals and then skillfully teach as per requirements of the individuals. Comprehending mocks, quiz, and practice sessions along the school academy course of studies is of a great importance as they help students to rate their progress and indicate weak points. Sukrishna Commerce Academy is the place where academic performance is highly valued and students try their best in the given limited time to be competitive and improve. This aim makes them all continuously pursue excelllence and thus help to develop their full potential. Other than academic affairs, the primary concern of the academy is to provide an opportunity for the students to improve themselves by hosting extracurricular activities, workshops, and seminars which help students to cultivate their speaking skills, leadership strength and interpersonal abilities. The academy's significant output in examinations of commerce suggest that its service in tutoring students is very reliable and efficient. Over time, many of the graduates went on to experience substantial success and achieved notable milestones in the line of their selected professions thus validating the credibility and superiority of the teaching standards at Sukrishna Commerce Academy. The Crystal Shop Academy for Studies is in its stride to establish a seamless flow of information between students and parents through the means of weekly academic performance updates, next course events, and other relevant communication. The academy consists of an instructional staff that has expertise in the industry, with instructors being

qualified educators as well as professionals in their fields. The faculty as a whole brings plenty of knowledge and industry expertise to the students for their learning. Quality assurance method is in place to sustain the teaching methods of Sukrishna Commerce Academy to be unfailingly superior. Students’ feedback is of crucial priority and is always considered a source of enhancement for the academy’s quality assurance. The triumphs of the academy in academic performance are not restricted to passing examinations; it is further revealed that students themselves are positively influenced by the instruction and as such come out of the academy as self-assured and well-brought-up individuals capable of meeting the challenges of where opportunities abound. Sukrishna Commerce Academy gives a guarantee that irrespective of the financial status of the students, the quality of education can be delivered to all of them. The academy; among other things, doles out scholarships, merit-based incentives and financial aides to deserving students. This enables the pupils help level the playing field and allows talented individuals from different origins to build their confidence and move up the social ladders.

Visit: https://sukrishna.in/

[thxnews]

Navigating Elementary Education in the USA

Elementary education in the USA encompasses children between the ages of five to eleven, typically from kindergarten through fifth grade. The curriculum focuses on developing foundational skills in core subjects such as mathematics, English language, arts, science, and social studies. However, with increasing emphasis on educational reforms and standards, there has been a growing movement towards incorporating other subjects like technology, art, and physical education to provide a well-rounded education.  

Summertime message to all parents and students. Photo by USDAgov. Flickr.  

School Dates

In terms of school terms, elementary schools in the USA usually operate on a traditional nine-month calendar. However, some districts have adopted year-round schooling to minimize learning loss during long breaks. Ten percent of US public schools are currently using a year-round calendar instead of the traditional three terms. The basic year-round calendar generates through a 45-15 ratio. This refers to students staying in school for 45 days but then getting 15 days of break. Students do not receive the traditional Thanksgiving break nor the Christmas, spring, and summer vacation, instead, they have more frequent breaks throughout the entire year. This offers both advantages and challenges for students and teachers alike. Shorter breaks help maintain academic progress throughout the year as extended periods away from school can disrupt routines and make it challenging for students to retain learned knowledge. Opposition to this change has come from businesses that rely on summer leisure as well as summer camps and amusement parks. Some opposition is led by parents who value the long summer vacations.  Rural areas rarely use year-round calendars because they conflict with farms' need for youth labor in summer.  

HAS students spearhead donation drive for Iraqi children. Photo by USAG-Humphreys. Flickr.  

Encouraging Curiosity and Creativity

Overall, elementary education in the USA strives to prepare young learners for their future academic journey by building essential skills while fostering creativity and curiosity in an inclusive environment. Teachers do this by teaching children a variety of skills that can boost their creativity, encouraging them to think out of the box, and encouraging them to share their ideas with the rest of the class. Vital to all this is the constructive feedback and assistance given by both their peers and the teachers. As education continues to evolve with the changing needs of society, it is crucial to ensure that elementary schools strike a balance between imparting core knowledge and nurturing individual talents to allow for holistic development.  

Elementary school student taking a test in a school library. Photo by Enokson. Flickr.  

School Assessment and Tests

Schools use grades to score a student’s performance in class. The grades can be based on things like class participation, homework, projects, and tests. Grades show the teacher what a student knows and they will help determine whether a student can take advanced classes or whether they need extra help. These grades are typically represented with letters (A, B, C, D, F) or numbers (90, 80, 70). ‘A’ is the highest grade and ‘F’ means a student did not pass. Some schools use a Grade Point Average (GPA) system as well as a letter grade. A GPA calculates a student’s academic performance over a specific period, such as a semester or academic year. Younger students might get alternatives to grades that simply state if the child is meeting age-level standards. Elementary education in the USA is a complex system that has evolved over the years to meet the needs of its diverse student population. One unique aspect of elementary education is the emphasis on standardized exams. Students in the USA regularly take standardized tests, which are different from the tests they take in their regular classes. All standardized tests are designed in the same way and are given to all children under the same conditions. The results measure how well both the students and schools are doing. These exams, such as state assessments and national tests, hold immense importance for both students and schools. While some argue that this focus on exams stifles creativity and limits educational experiences, others see them as necessary benchmarks for ensuring quality education.  

School meals

Food plays an interesting role in elementary education. The National School Lunch Program (NSLP) provides low-cost or free lunches to children and operates in nearly 100,000 public and non-profit private schools (grades Pre-Kindergarten–12). School meals are provided free of charge, or at a government-subsidized price, to United States students from low-income families. These free or subsidized meals have the potential to increase household food security, which can improve children's health and expand their educational opportunities. In this school year (2023), the median cost for breakfast is $1.73 and for lunch is $2.75. This can be compared to elementary schools in England where free school meals are provided universally to all children who are in reception, year 1, and year 2, and some councils provide free school meals universally for children in all elementary school years.  School lunches have long been a subject of debate in the USA, with concerns ranging from nutrition and health to affordability and accessibility. The introduction of healthier options in recent years has aimed to address these concerns, but challenges persist. Students' dietary preferences also vary immensely across different regions, making it essential for schools to strike a balance between providing nutritious meals and catering to cultural or regional food preferences.  

Role of Teachers in Elementary Schools

Teachers are at the heart of any successful educational system, and this holds for elementary education in the USA. To become a teacher a person needs to obtain a Bachelor's Degree, complete the state requirements for teacher licensing (which takes approximately 3 months), and then complete a period of supervised teaching for up to one year. Teachers play multiple roles in schools. In addition to being instructors, teachers act as mentors, they provide role models and they act as motivators. They face many challenges which range from managing large class sizes to adapting teaching methods for diverse learning styles. Teachers also face constant pressure to provide effective education while fostering a positive classroom environment. To be successful, teachers need to demonstrate appropriate subject knowledge and understanding, address misconceptions, manage behavior effectively, set challenging homework, and have high expectations of their students. In addition, a teacher needs many attributes: an understanding of the way individual students learn; the ability to show empathy towards children's needs, and help nurture a love for school. Teacher's enthusiasm (real or passionately faked) will directly impact not just how a class sees a subject, but their whole learning environment and their attitude toward school as a whole. Finally, teachers must act as a leader.  

Getting to School

Transportation is another intriguing aspect of elementary education in the USA. If children live near to a school, they may walk but often the distances are too great for this. Many students rely on school buses or other forms of transportation provided by their district to get to school safely every day. About 25 million children in the US – more than half of the nation's schoolchildren – take school buses, according to the American School Bus Council. Some of these buses are even Wi-Fi-equipped. Alternatively, some children commute to school by car or, in a big city, by subway train. However, there are issues like transportation funding gaps and inadequate infrastructure which can hamper children getting to school.  

Class Size

Class sizes have long been a contentious issue in elementary education in the USA. While some argue that smaller class sizes allow for more individualized attention and better learning outcomes, others believe that larger classes can foster collaboration and social skills. However, recent studies have shown that the optimal class size is not a one-size-fits-all solution. In the USA, class sizes vary from state to state, ranging from 16 to 24 children per teacher in elementary schools. In Vermont, it is 16.4 whereas California is 24.2 children per class on average. Factors like student demographics, teacher quality, and community resources play vital roles in determining the effectiveness of education. Thus, some would argue that it is important to consider a comprehensive approach to improving education rather than solely focusing on reducing class sizes.  

The Debate Over a Standardized Curriculum

Another hot topic in elementary education is the debate over a standardized curriculum. Critics argue that a standardized curriculum stifles creativity and limits teachers' ability to tailor instruction to meet individual student needs. However, supporters believe that a uniform curriculum ensures consistency across schools and creates equal opportunities for all students. Elementary education in the USA stands apart from many other countries due to its diversity and decentralized structure. While some nations have a centralized, standardized curriculum, such as Finland's highly regarded system, the United States grants more autonomy to individual states and school districts. This decentralized approach allows for flexibility but also leads to inconsistencies in quality and standards across the country. Furthermore, when comparing elementary education in the USA with that of other countries, it is essential to highlight variations in educational philosophy and priorities. For example, compared to countries like South Korea or Japan where test scores play a significant role in shaping curriculum and instruction, American schools tend to emphasize creativity, critical thinking, and social development alongside academic performance. This difference suggests that while standardized testing remains an important part of American education, there is a recognized need for holistic learning and fostering well-rounded individuals.  

Success Rates in Elementary Education in the USA

One of the most pressing concerns in elementary education in the USA is the success rates of students. While standardized testing has long been used to measure educational achievement, it often fails to capture the full range of a student's abilities and potential. As a result, many educators are turning to alternative methods of assessment that focus on growth and individual progress. By shifting away from a narrow emphasis on test scores, teachers can better support their students' unique learning needs and foster a more inclusive and effective learning environment. Furthermore, there is increasing recognition that success in elementary education cannot be solely attributed to academic achievement. Social-emotional skills play a crucial role in a child's overall development and future success. As more attention is being given to fostering these skills, schools across the country are implementing programs that prioritize emotional intelligence, empathy, resilience, and problem-solving abilities. By nurturing these qualities alongside traditional academics, educators aim to produce well-rounded individuals who can thrive personally and professionally in an ever-evolving world.   Social Influences Elementary education in the USA is a complex landscape where factors like poverty and ethnicity play significant roles. It's no secret that poverty affects academic performance, and unfortunately, this reality is vividly reflected in elementary schools across the country. Students from low-income backgrounds often lack access to proper resources, which leads to achievement gaps between them and their more privileged peers. The challenge becomes even more daunting when considering the impact of ethnicity on elementary education. Research shows that students from ethnic minority groups face additional barriers to success in the classroom. Ethnicity plays a crucial role not only in terms of cultural identity but also when it comes to educational opportunities. The disparities are multifold: unequal distribution of resources, cultural biases embedded within curricula, and limited access to high-quality teachers who understand diverse learning needs. These existing disparities highlight the need for a comprehensive approach that tackles both poverty and ethnicity head-on in order to provide equitable elementary education for all students. To address these challenges effectively, educators and policymakers alike acknowledge the intersectionality of poverty and ethnicity within the context of elementary education. By focusing on tailored interventions such as targeted support programs, culturally relevant curriculum design, mentorship initiatives from relatable role models, and investment in community-based organizations working directly with marginalized populations, the USA is beginning to close this persistent gap. Ultimately, creating an inclusive educational environment starts with recognizing that tackling poverty alone won't solve all the problems faced by ethnically diverse students in elementary schools. A holistic approach must be taken.  

Use of Computers in Elementary Schools

Computers have become an integral part of elementary education in the USA, revolutionizing the way children learn and teachers instruct. Gone are the days of blackboards and chalk; interactive whiteboards and tablets now take center stage. However, this shift has raised concerns about screen time and its impact on young minds. While technology undoubtedly offers immense educational benefits, it is essential to strike a balance to ensure that children engage with diverse learning experiences beyond the virtual world. Despite technological advancements, schools are encouraged not to overlook traditional teaching methods when it comes to elementary education. Computers in school can provide interactive lessons and personalized learning opportunities but they cannot replace human interaction or stimulate certain skills adequately. Building social connections, developing emotional intelligence, and fostering creativity – are areas where traditional teaching methods shine. When schools combine technology with traditional approaches this seems to be the key to achieving all-round development in young students. Computers have undoubtedly transformed elementary education in the USA for the better by providing new avenues for engagement and personalized learning experiences, but blending technological advancements with traditional teaching methods has shown to create a well-rounded educational environment for our young learners – one that fosters critical thinking skills while also nurturing children's social-emotional growth.  

Conclusion

Finding effective solutions for education in the USA requires considering diverse factors such as class sizes and standardized curriculum within a broader context. Elementary education in the USA presents both strengths and weaknesses when measured against systems found in other nations. The decentralization of authority ensures flexibility but can lead to disparities among schools. Additionally, American schools place value not only on academic achievement but also on fostering creativity and social skills among students. Understanding these unique aspects helps shed light on the challenges facing elementary education in America while showcasing its commitment to comprehensive growth among students.   Sources: THX News, Wikipedia & American School Bus Council. Read the full article

[careerpoint1234]

Aiming for Excellence Unveiling Dehradun's Premier NDA Foundation Coaching at Doon Defence Career Point

In their pursuit of perfection, students frequently seek the best NDA Foundation coaching in Dehradun. Doon Defence Career Point emerges as the main institution for NDA Foundation instruction in this gorgeous city, aiming to accomplish this objective. Dehradun, set in the Himalayan foothills, is noted for its peacefulness and educational institutions. Against this serene setting, Doon Defence Career Point stands tall as the pinnacle of excellence, guaranteeing that its students are well-prepared for the National Defence Academy (NDA) admission exams.

Best NDA Foundation Coaching in Dehradun - A Reputation to Uphold

Doon Defence Career Point has carved a niche for itself in the coaching industry by maintaining a sterling reputation for providing the best NDA Foundation coaching in Dehradun. With an unwavering commitment to excellence, the institution has consistently produced successful NDA aspirants. This reputation is a result of the institute's dedication to quality teaching, experienced faculty, and a curriculum that is tailored to the NDA examination.

Experienced Faculty - The Backbone of Excellence

The hallmark of the best NDA Foundation coaching in Dehradun is its faculty. Doon Defence Career Point prides itself on its team of highly experienced instructors who are well-versed in the intricacies of the NDA entrance examination. These instructors provide personalized attention and guidance to students, helping them not only to understand the subject matter but also to develop problem-solving skills.

Tailored Curriculum for NDA Foundation

What sets the best NDA Foundation coaching in Dehradun apart is a curriculum designed specifically for the NDA examination. Doon Defence Career Point recognizes that NDA aspirants require a unique approach to their studies. The curriculum is meticulously crafted to cover all aspects of the NDA examination, including mathematics, English, and general knowledge. Regular mock tests and assessments help students gauge their progress and make necessary improvements.

State-of-the-Art Infrastructure

Excellence is not limited to just academic prowess but extends to the learning environment. Doon Defence Career Point boasts state-of-the-art infrastructure, ensuring that students have access to all the resources they need for their NDA Foundation coaching. Well-equipped classrooms facilitate a conducive learning atmosphere.

Holistic Development

The best NDA Foundation coaching in Dehradun understands that success in the NDA examination is not solely dependent on academic knowledge. Doon Defence Career Point goes the extra mile by focusing on the holistic development of its students. The institution provides physical training, personality development sessions, and workshops on group discussions and interviews. This comprehensive approach prepares students for the NDA's rigorous selection process.

Success Stories

Doon Defence Career Point's reputation as the best NDA Foundation coaching in Dehradun is not merely based on its claims but on the success stories of its alumni. Over the years, the institution has produced numerous NDA officers who have made a mark in the defense services. These success stories are a testament to the excellence that students can expect from Doon Defence Career Point.

In the quest for excellence in NDA Foundation coaching, Doon Defence Career Point emerges as the undisputed leader in Dehradun. With a reputation to uphold, experienced faculty, a tailored curriculum, state-of-the-art infrastructure, holistic development, and a track record of success, it is the best NDA Foundation coaching in Dehradun. Aspiring NDA candidates in Dehradun can rest assured that by enrolling in Doon Defence Career Point, they are taking the first step towards realizing their dreams of serving the nation in the defense forces.

while Dehradun's natural beauty and educational legacy continue to attract students from all corners of the country, it is institutions like Doon Defence Career Point that make it a hub for excellence in NDA Foundation coaching. With a commitment to shaping future defense leaders, the institute stands as a testament to the enduring spirit of excellence that defines the city and the aspirations of its youth. Doon Defence Career Point is more than just a coaching center; it is a gateway to a promising career in the armed forces and, ultimately, a dedication to the service of the nation.

[aspirenow33]

Online CFA Classes | Can You Pass the CFA Exam with Self Study?

Yes, it is certainly possible to pass the Chartered Financial Analyst online course (CFA) exam by studying on your own; many candidates have achieved CFA charter status through self-study alone. It should be noted, however, that CFA exams are notoriously challenging and need significant dedication, time commitment, and discipline from candidates in order to prepare adequately.

Here are a few strategies to increase your chances of passing the online CFA classes exam through self-study:

Plan and Organize: Create a study plan that encompasses all topics while allocating enough time for review and practice exams, allocating additional time if any areas appear weaker.

Utilize Official Curriculum: Utilize the official CFA Institute Online curriculum as your main source of exam material, which is comprehensive and tailored specifically to its contents.

Practice Questions: Take as many practice tests, both from official curriculum sources and past exam papers, as possible in order to strengthen your understanding and sharpen exam-taking abilities. Doing this will strengthen both.

Mock Exams: Simulate real exam conditions by taking full-length mock exams under timed conditions. This will give an idea of the actual test environment and identify areas that require further improvement.

Join Online Communities: For those pursuing CFA certification exams, taking part in online forums and discussion groups dedicated to Best Institute for CFA in Delhi candidates is highly beneficial. Sharing knowledge and experiences can only benefit all involved.

Stay Disciplined: Successful self-study requires discipline and consistency, so set aside a dedicated study time each day/week and stick with your schedule.

Repetition Is Key: For effective retention, regularly revisit the information covered. Doing this helps your brain retain it more effectively.

Search For Additional Resources: If certain topics in the official curriculum prove challenging for you, consider supplementing them with additional materials from reliable providers.

Stay Healthy: Prioritizing both physical and mental wellbeing when planning for your event is of utmost importance. Make sure to get enough rest and participate in physical fitness routines as part of the preparation phase.

Remain Positive: Passing the Best Coaching for CFA in Delhi exam is challenging, and you may encounter setbacks along your journey. Stay positive and motivated throughout your journey by staying upbeat and positive.

Remember that self-study requires both commitment and motivation from candidates, with some opting for extra assistance such as review courses or study groups to supplement their efforts and ensure accountability. Success lies in having a well-structured study plan with consistent efforts made over an extended period and developing an in-depth knowledge of CFA Level 1 Training Online curriculum material.

[iliveiloveiwrite]

Wait For Me // D.M.

Request: hi! can you do a request where draco performed the obliviate curse on his gf before the war, then met her again post war when he became a healer? the storyline is up to you! by the way, i really really like your fics 🥺 - anon

A/N: This request let me explore all the things I love: angst, healer!draco, and redemption. Thank you for trusting me with this request, I love it so much. This was not also on my WIP lost but I had an idea and I ran with it. With some hope, my next few fics will be from that list!!

Warnings: angst, mentions of nightmares and injuries, some anxiety, short words and tempers, swearing. A HAPPY ENDING or at least the start of one.

Word count: 5.2k

1996:

“You know why I have to do this, right?” Draco whispers: worried that if he were to speak any louder his voice would give away how close he is to breaking.

You nod once. A solemn nod that juxtaposes the tears falling freely down your face. How could you be agreeing to this when it made you feel like your heart was being ripped out?

“I’m sorry,” He whispers, arms reaching for you, the urge to touch too strong to resist. “If they used you against me or if you got hurt, I would never forgive myself.”

You hush him; not missing the irony of the situation. To be comforting him when you were going to have a large chunk of your memories taken from you, it was almost laughable.

The final few moments together are spent in silence, wrapped in each other’s arms, getting as much of the other as possible before inevitably having to let go. You bury your face in his chest, almost refusing to let go of him as he unhooks your hands from around his waist.

The time has come; it’s come too soon.

You barely register Draco’s tears mixing with yours as he hauls you in for one last desperate kiss. His forehead remains pressed to yours as he whispers three words.

“Wait for me.”

Then everything goes blank. A flash of white and your life begins anew.

No memories of the last year of your life; no thoughts about the blonde haired teenager that had occupied your mind and stolen your heart.

There’s nothing.

Five years later:

The strong antiseptic smell has your nose crinkling in distaste. The overhead lights buzz as the bright light bounces off the overly clean floor; it makes your head hurt more. You place a tentative hand to the side of your head, frowning further when you feel the large bump growing there. Removing your hand, you sigh, remembering the tears of the pupil that had done this.

Not long after the war, a new decree was issued setting up centres of education for young witches and wizards that showed magical promise. They operated extremely similar to a muggle primary school; however these followed the curriculum created by the Ministry of Magic.

It was in one of these schools that you worked, choosing to train as a teacher after finishing your education.

A rogue ball is what had landed you in the emergency room of the only magical hospital in Britain. It had come out of nowhere; the children playing happily as the weather had improved over the course of the day.

Tapping your foot impatiently off the tiled floor, you had to admit to yourself it had been partly your fault for not seeing the ball before it knocked you on the side of the head and subsequently knocked you to the floor. The child, a young Hugo Ward, had felt terrible – sobs wracking his body as he apologised to you over and over again to the point where you had to reassure him you were fine.

An hour after the accident, it became evident that you were not fine. The dizziness and double vision being symptoms of something worse, your boss had sent you off to St. Mungo’s without room for argument, promising you she would cover your class for the rest of the day.

“(Y/N) (Y/L/N),” calls the triage nurse. A blonde middle aged lady with bright eyes and a kind smile; she points in the direction of exam room two and you flash her a grateful smile.

The hospital bed is uncomfortable as you take a seat on top of the crinkly paper. The pounding in your head had not stopped since you arrived but the dizziness was calming somewhat, and for that, you were thankful. It happens as a flash; a memory washes over you of a large hospital wing, two rows of beds and an elderly lady with fierce determination written over her face.

A single blink and it disappears. The flashes hadn’t happened for a while; the aftermath of a memory charm inflicted upon in your Sixth Year at Hogwarts. It wasn’t known who had done it; they had found you wandering the halls of Hogwarts alone and confused before realising what had happened. You had recovered fairly quickly; the only aftermath being the flashes of what could be memories.

You sigh, sinking further into the gurney as you think of the pile of marking waiting for you at home. Even a sore head couldn’t put off the inevitable.

The Healer doesn’t look up as he enters, pulling the curtain closed behind him, “I’m Healer Malfoy, how can I help you today?”

You sit straighter as you take in the healer. Blonde hair down to the nape of his neck, tied back with what seems to be a leather cord. He hasn’t looked up at you yet, but from your spot, you could tell he was handsome. A strong jaw being home to a distracting mouth. You look away, admiring the rest of him before you could be caught staring at his lips.

Healer Malfoy’s face slackens for a second as his eyes rake over your face. He collects himself after a second, but still, you noticed. He clears his throat, looking down at the chart in his hand. “(Y/N) (Y/L/N)?”

You nod, “That’s me.”

“You hurt your head at work?”

Again, you nod, “Twice over. A pupil threw a ball at my head by accident, but I knocked my head on the playground as I fell.”

Healer Malfoy places your chart on a nearby table, pulling latex gloves out of his pocket as he does so. He smiles at you, but there’s something guarded about the expression on his face that has question after question springing up in your overworked and pained mind.

“Did you lose consciousness?” Healer Malfoy asks routinely, silently gesturing to your head, asking for permission to feel the injury.

“No,” You answer, turning your head for him to feel the bump on the side of your head.

You hear his sharp inhale as he examines the large bump there. As if seeing you hurt physically hurt him too, yet how was that possible? Thinking through your admittedly fragmented memories, you cannot find a whisper of what the blonde haired man could have looked like younger. Something niggled in the back of your mind, a feeling, a hunch. You didn’t know what, but it got stronger every time you met the grey eyes of the handsome Healer Malfoy.

“This is going to sound odd but go with me on it please?” You say, voice lilting into a question at the end. The idea of not giving this man in front of you a choice simply abhorrent to you.

Healer Malfoy smiles: it’s polite and doesn’t reach his eyes. He takes a step back from you, needing the distance but also done with the examination of your injury. “Okay, I’ll go with it,” He states warily.

Your hands clench into fists; overcome with the urge to try and coax a smile out of him. “I don’t know how else to say it. Do we know each other? You feel familiar to me, as if I know you from somewhere.”

Whatever smile was on Healer Malfoy’s face falls the instant the words leave your mouth. His entire demeanour changes – shoulders stiff, hands gripping your chart so tight it could snap in half. Unclenching his jaw, Healer Malfoy grits out, “No. We haven’t met before.”

“Are you sure?” You press, deciding desperately that you needed to know the man standing in front of you.

“Very sure,” He murmurs, scribbling your discharge notes and handing them to you. “I would remember you if we had met before.”

The blank confession leaves you speechless. Blinking in what could only be described as shock, you take the outstretched papers.

“Your prescription is there too. You show no major signs of a concussion, just rest for tonight at least and watch out for anymore footballs,” Healer Malfoy starts, “Should you have any more problems, you know where to find us.”

Taking the dismissal for what it was, you hurriedly grab your bag from the gurney and leave the exam room, taking extra care to hide the dejected look on your face as you pass the handsome healer.

Draco watches you go. You all but sprint out of the hospital, almost desperate in your escape to get away from him and his short words.

The threat has been gone for years; vanquished not too long after the night Draco had taken your memories, after the night that continues to haunt his nightmares.

Draco Malfoy had faced the Dark Lord and lived – he has stared death in its sallow face and was not the first to look away. Yet, Draco was ever more terrified of what you would do should your memories ever return. Your rage was entirely more terrifying than staring into the soulless eyes of the man his parents so blindly followed.

Draco releases a breath as he spies your figure finally leaving the hospital. The released breath does nothing to loosen the tightness in his chest; the tightness that had been there since that fateful night in the astronomy tower.

He’s had this argument with himself countless times, always the same words and the same fight. His own justification for why he did what he did; why he took your memories of your relationship and sent you away. Deep down, Draco knows that he should have communicated better. He knows that he should have sat you down and explained to you his worries and his fears. However, at barely seventeen years old, Draco was just getting used to the idea of love. He knew what was coming; he knew that there were dark times ahead and he was unfortunately aware of how you could be used against him should the time come.

He had a decision to make, so he did. Thinking back on it now, it had almost killed him. He had never experienced a pain like it. Draco had been hit with the Sectumsempra curse and the pain that followed was nothing compared to the pain he felt when erasing your memories.  

Draco turns away from the door. You’ve disappeared around the corner; your head bowed, and shoulders hunched. He has no reason to watch you now. He turns away from the door, wondering whether it was fate that had brought you back into his life after such an absence.

An absence he caused.

-------

You return to work the day after; feeling fine enough to stand in front of your class and deliver your lessons of literacy and maths but also of spellcasting and magical control for infants. You followed your lesson plans to the letter; resolutely refusing to stray from them should they let your mind wander to the handsome healer and his cold words.

The healer continues to play on your mind for the rest of the week: at work, at home. You would go over the brief conversation you had with him; wondering at which point his demeanour changed, that he became closed off and cold. He hadn’t been welcoming from the beginning, but by the end of it he had downright cold. It should have warned you off; it should have been warning enough to keep your distance and to do your best to ensure you never needed to return to the emergency room, yet there was something about him. There was something hidden within his grey eyes, a dark secret ravaging him from the inside out and you felt desperate to know what it was.

-------

As much as you adore your vocation, as much as you love coming into work and greeting the children with a smile, there was something sweet about sending them home to their parents. A sweet relief that loosens the weight on your chest somewhat.

A shock of blonde hair has you turning back to the school gates. Your breath catches in your throat as you recognise the handsome face of the healer that had treated you only a week ago. His face not one you felt like you could forget.

“Healer Malfoy?” You call out, confused at his presence.

He smiles bashfully, “Draco, please.”

“Draco,” You greet. “Do you often make home visits?” You tease, a smile crossing your face.

“Technically, I’m at your place of work so this would be a work visit,” Draco comments, laughing lightly, seeming to be in a much better mood than the last time you had met him.

Your smile grows larger at the sound of his laughter. “Okay… do you often make work visits?”

He shakes his head, “No. I do not.”

“Why are you here?”

“Two reasons.”

“And they are.”

“One, and one I thought of just now – I wanted to apologise for my behaviour at the hospital the other day, I was rude, and it was out of line so I’m sorry.”

“You have nothing to apologise for. I doubt that you get asked by many of your patients whether you know them.”

Draco smiles, “You’re right, I don’t, but nevertheless, I shouldn’t have been so rude, and I apologise.”

“Then I accept your apology, only if you accept mine.”

He goes to argue but stops himself at the last possible moment. You meet his gaze head on, watching the emotions pile up there. There’s something lingering in his grey eyes; something deeper as if he has more to apologise for but he isn’t ready to confess to what or why he even needs to say more.

“What was your second reason for being here?” You question, curiosity piqued but also wanting to move the conversation on, unable to look into his grey eyes any long for the fear that your heart may burst out of your chest.

Draco smiles, “I’m picking up my godson.”

“Your godson? Do I know who he is?”

“You might. Tobias Dawsey?”

Recognition flashes across your face as you picture the small brunette in your mind’s eye. “I do know him! I taught him last year,” You all but shout, “He’s your godson?”

Draco nods, “He is. I’ve worked with his mother from my very first day at St. Mungo’s, she asked me to be godfather when she found out she was pregnant with him.”

His words warm your heart; the care he has for his godson obvious in his voice. You go to say more, to try and coax more information out of him. Your need to know him almost choking you with its intensity, but for the life in you, you couldn’t figure out why you needed to know him. You move to speak, but you’re interrupted by the excited crow of a young child.

“Uncle Draco!” Tobias shouts, running up to his uncle on his little legs, his bookbag banging against them with every step.

“Hey kiddo,” Draco greets, picking up the child making grabby arms for him.

“Do you know Miss (Y/L/N)?”

Draco nods. “Miss (Y/L/N) came into work the other week,” He states, thankfully not exaggerating further.

Tobias frowns, turning his attention to you, concerned about his favourite teacher, “Are you okay though?”

You smile at the young brunette, “I’m all better. Your Uncle Draco fixed me up.”

Tobias nods seriously, “He’s the best Healer ever.”

You laugh; the love Tobias has for his godfather so clear within his voice, it only warms your heart further. “I have no doubt in that, Tobias. Off you go anyway, I wouldn’t want to keep you from getting home.”

Tobias and Draco wave at you as they leave the school grounds. The smile on your face doesn’t fade as you watch them walk away, the young boy chattering the ear off his devoted uncle.

Deep down, where you would only admit to yourself and no-one else, you hoped that you would get to see the handsome blonde healer again.

-------

Over the following weeks you spy Draco’s presence more by the school gates. Tobias clearly adores him, sprinting into his uncle’s arms the moment he sees him waiting for him. Crossing your arms across your chest, you comment, “You must be a very devoted godfather to volunteer to pick up Tobias this often.”

Draco shrugs nonchalantly as if the task of reorganising his shifts was nothing of a chore, “I enjoy spending time with him and…”

“And?”

Draco ducks his head, feeling the familiar heat of blush creep up his neck, “I like talking to you.”

He feels like it’s the wrong thing to say. He knows it’s the wrong thing to say. If he had an ounce of human decency within him, he would turn away from you the moment Tobias arrives. He would walk away from you, never to come back into your life again. What he did all those years ago was unforgivable despite having your permission. Draco knows he shouldn’t be back in your life, but now that he had seen you once or twice, he had to see you more.

He felt like an addict. He couldn’t leave you alone. Draco didn’t want to if he was honest with himself especially when you grin at him so widely his heart pounds in his chest.

You duck your head, your hair hiding your face. “I like talking to you too even if it is only at the school gate,” You shyly admit.

“Then we should change that,” Draco stutters out before he backs down. He wants to kick himself; he should turn away from you now and leave you alone for good, but that one selfish part of him that powers his heart tells him to stay put.

If possible, your smile grows larger, “Then we should change that.”

------

The friendship feels so natural once it starts; once the both of you get past the initial awkwardness that seemed to loiter from Draco’s cold words earlier in the year. It started with longer conversations at the school gate, but then he would come with Tobias’ mother and wait for you as Tobias would reluctantly leave with his mother. From there, it grew into a timid friendship that slowly grew more surer of itself as you invited Draco out for food or to museums or to spend the weekend with you, walking around the city when he wasn’t working.

However, as the friendship became more solid, you could not ignore the way your heart sped up with every smile and every laugh. You could not ignore the way your face heated each time he winked at you; a private joke shared between you. It didn’t feel like a passing fancy. It felt like something deeper, as if the feelings had been there before and had been dormant until now. You felt as if you were always meant to feel this way about Draco – the feelings tugging on memories you weren’t even sure were yours. Flashes of blonde hair and the powerful scent of jasmine all tied in with late nights in a tower you could barely recognise. Draco made you feel like the only person in the world; he was supportive and kind and funny. He was everything you could want and more – how could you not fall for him?

There was still the remaining secret though. It haunted him; his eyes clouded over whenever it was on his mind as if he was returning to the very memory itself. He would return shier, unsure of himself as if the friendship he had forged with you was about to implode and leave him shattered once more.

You ask him about it once. The two of you sat on your couch; you introducing Draco the wonders of muggle films and showing him your favourites when you catch him zone out. Your finger reaches out, pokes his cheek. “Where did you just go?” You question, a smile in your voice.

Draco reaches out, grabbing your finger, “Nowhere of importance.”

You frown, pulling your finger out of his grip, “You do that a lot.”

“Do what a lot?”

“Disappear on me. It’s like you have something big to tell me, but you just aren’t ready yet.”

Draco feels certain his heart stops in his chest. He tries to laugh but it comes out strangled; choked by the worry creeping up from his gut. Draco opens his mouth to reply but you beat him to it. “I’m not saying you have to tell me what it is now,” You start, “I just want you to know that I’ll be here when you’re ready.”

Draco closes his eyes, rests his head against the back of your couch. You had so graciously opened your home to him, opened your life and offered friendship to him, and he felt awful. As he should, he thinks to himself. He had taken memories of importance from you, and here you sat, unaware of the crime and sitting with the criminal himself.

It felt like there was a countdown ticking over his head. It felt like he only had a certain amount of time until he had to come clean and he had to tell you about that night in the astronomy tower.

Yet for all that was in him, for all that created his moral compass, he couldn’t bring himself to tell you and ruin whatever was blossoming between the two of you. Draco supposes he is a coward. He probably is, he tells himself, but he cannot bring himself to care about his cowardice when you smile at him like he holds the sun and stars for you.

Does he regret that night? With everything within him. Would he do it again knowing the outcome? Of course he would. He would sacrifice himself  and his happiness a thousand times over to ensure your safety.

---------

Draco tells himself he’ll confess the next time he sees you which is both all too soon and not soon enough. His love for you had never faded; he hadn’t been the one to forget the short relationship you had. The intensity that accompanied teenage love and infatuation had never left the forefront of his mind. After all, how could they? Now that you were back in his life, he felt the teenager again – utterly drawn to you and unwilling to let you go.

He confesses late on a Tuesday night. The shift at St. Mungo’s had been long and arduous, but he got through it with the single thought of you. He knew that at the end of it, he would get to knock on your door. He only hoped that you wouldn’t turn him away once you found out the truth. Your hatred of him could never rival the hatred he feels for himself, but he finds himself hoping for your forgiveness.

“I have to tell you something,” Draco states, plain and simple.

You chew on the inside of your cheek before answering, “You can tell me anything.”

“You had a memory charm used on you in Sixth Year, didn’t you?”

“How did you know that?” You demand. Despite the friendship grown between the both of you, you hadn’t told him that. You had given him bits and pieces, alluded to the fact that there were gaps in your memories, but you hadn’t told him the truth. Just like he hadn’t told you what made him disappear inside his mind like he so often does.

“I took your memories. It was me.” Draco confesses, his voice clear in the quiet room.

“What?” You shout, anger shooting through you.

“I took your memories. I used a memory charm on you in the middle of Sixth Year when things started to take a turn for the worst.”

“What gave you the right?” You cry, tears building out of upset and anger.

“You did,” Draco states plainly, “You didn’t want to at first, but you came round to my way of thinking when you saw how bad things were getting at home.”

“Why would I agree to that?”

“Because once upon a time, you were in love with me.”

You shake your head, pacing back and forth in your living room, trying to get to grips with the piles of information only just dumped on you. Draco watches you pace; his grey eyes following each step intently as you work through everything in your head.

Worry shines bright in his eyes when you stop pacing. He goes to take a step towards you, but you step back. The small space between you feels like a great chasm, a gaping void that Draco is desperate to fill, to patch up.

“Tell me everything,” You state before adding on, “Please.”

Draco releases a shuddering breath before starting: “We were friends through school. I don’t remember how the friendship started, but it did and for years we were really good, close friends. Then along the way, the friendship changed. We fell in love, or whatever it is at sixteen/seventeen years old. We had less than a year together when things started to change; when whisperings of the Dark Lord’s return were strengthened by continued attacks on the Ministry.

“You argued with me for hours,” Draco pauses, laughing as he remembers what you clearly couldn’t, “I had never seen you so angry or so stubborn. You were adamant, you didn’t want to but then you went quiet and I knew you saw what I had seen. You agreed after a minutes silence; told me yes even though it broke the both of us to do so.

Draco’s grey eyes are lined with unshed tears as he murmurs, “I couldn’t let them have you. My family was working with the darkest wizard there had ever been in the last century, if he had gotten a whiff of what you meant to me, you would be used in ways that not even I could imagine. My aunt would have taken great pleasure in ensuring that you would be a bargaining chip for me to fulfil whatever mission they handed me. That was something I couldn’t allow.

“It broke me to do it. To watch your eyes go blank as the memories of what we shared disappeared. Selfishly, I asked you to wait for me, not knowing that they would be tied to you afterwards. I just… I couldn’t let you go. As a teenager and an adult. There’s no real excuse for what I did, but know it was out of love for you that I did it.”

Draco falls silent. His heavy words adding to the growing tension in the room. Draco’s mind runs a thousand miles a minute; his eyes don’t leave you as he watches you work through every emotion coursing through your body. He sees the anger, the sadness, the frustration, but he also sees the relief at having an answer for those gaps that you had only recently confessed to him.

You break the loaded silence, “I forgot the relationship, but on some level I don’t think I ever forgot you.”

“What?” Draco asks, the air rushing out of him in one fell swoop.

A smile creeps across your face; relishing somewhat at having caught him off-guard. “I have glimpses of what I always assumed was a past life. The memories were always fuzzy around the edges, but they were clear enough for me to catch glimpses of blonde hair or to spy the pattern of a ring much like the one on your signet ring.”

Draco remains silent; he doesn’t dare talk; he doesn’t dare breathe. Nothing prepares him for your next words.

“I waited for you… like you asked.”

Those words. Those foolish words that he had absolutely no right to whisper to you. Draco had been so overwhelmed in that moment, yet he couldn’t ignore the small kernel of hope that despite the strength of the memory charm, a part of you would remember him and would wait for him.

But you had.

You had waited for him. You barely knew who he was, but you had waited for him, hoping that one day he would cross your path.

“Fuck,” Draco whispers, running a hand through his growing hair, starting to pace the length of your living room.

“When I woke after my memories had been taken, I clearly didn’t remember a single thing, but I had the echoes of three words ringing in my ears. A beg, a plea of someone – a boy asking for me to wait for them. I didn’t know completely who I was waiting for, I didn’t know it was you until I saw you at the hospital that first time and then again so soon after leaving. My memories haven’t returned, and I doubt they will, but I just know that it was you who I was waiting for.”

Draco falls silent, letting your words fall over him and sink into his skin, settling deep within his bones.

Years. It had been years since that night in the astronomy tower where he took your memories. It had been years since he felt the longing and love; there had been no-one lese and there would be no-one else. For Draco, there was only ever you… and you had waited.

You had waited for him.

“Fuck, fuck, fuck,” Draco repeats, hands continuing to run through his hair in frustration as he paces the room. He faces you; grey eyes wild with emotion, “How are you not angry with me?”

“I am angry with you! I’m furious with you, Draco! You took my memories, but if you say I agreed to it, I’m just as angry with myself for allowing myself to forget you.”

“What do we do?” He asks, a hand running down his face as he tries to figure out the next step.

“Forgiveness,” You state simply, “We try to move on.”

Draco’s hands drop limply at his side as he gasps, “Forgiveness?”

“What happened after you erased my memories, Draco?”

“There was a war. I was on the wrong side,” is all he says. He isn’t ready to go into too much detail. That’s another story for another day.

“Was that what you were trying to protect me from? The wrong side?”

Draco nods wordlessly. He saw things going south so quickly but his parents hadn’t. They pushed and they pushed; inducting him into the same pureblood fanaticism they relished.  “How can you even think of forgiving me? I took your memories. I stole them from you, and you won’t ever get them back,” He argues, wanting to know whether you truly understood what you were doing by forgiving him.

“Let me ask you something, Draco.”

“What?”

“Do you plan on leaving again?”

He shakes his head immediately. He doesn’t think he could leave you even if he tried.

You shrug your shoulders, “That’s how I can think of forgiving you.”

“I don’t understand,” He whispers; his own self-hatred confused by your words.

“The wizarding war was about to descend into war. We were confused, scared teenagers who didn’t see another option. You asked my permission, Draco, and I granted it clearly.”

“But-”

You cut him off, “No buts. I said yes. I gave permission and we cannot change the past, Draco but we can control our future. It’s going to require work on both sides, but you can tell me about what I’m missing and at the same time we can forge something new.”

“What do you mean?”

You smile shyly, taking that all important step towards him, “Make some new memories with me, Draco.”

*****

General (HP) taglist: @chaotic-fae-queen @theweasleysredhair @harrypotter289 @kalimagik @heloisedaphnebrightmore @nebulablakemurphy @figlia--della--luna @idont-knowrn @liilyevanss @big-galaxy-chaos @black-lake-confessions @annasofiaearlobe @imboredandneedalife @levylovegood @mytreec @haphazardhufflepuff @teheharrypotter @chaoticgirl04 @accio-rogers @starlightweasley @dreaming-about-fanfictions @lestersglitterglue @msmimimerton @obx-beach @izzytheninja @slytherinprincess03 @bbeauttyybbx @breadqueen95 @acciotwinz @kashishwrites @slytherinsunrise @kylosleftbuttcheek @remmyswritings @they-write-once-in-a-blue-moon @ria-rests-here @superbturtlemakerathlete @inglourious-imagines @ithilwen-lionheart @now-its-time-for-a-breakdown @ilovejjmaybank

Draco Malfoy taglist: @the--queen-of-hell @obxmxybxnk @obx-beach @sycathorn-slush @dracomalfoyswifey​ @kashishwrites​ @justmesadgirl​ @detroitobsessed​ @reaganwonders​ @just-a-belgian-girl​ @aspiringsloth20​ @lahoete​ @minty-malfoy​ @fallinallinmendes​ @ravenclawbitch426​ @ochrythum​ @beiahadid​ @gryffindors-weasley​

[vannahfanfics]

When You Fall, I’ll Be There

Category: Hurt/Comfort

Fandom: My Hero Academia

Characters: Shoto Todoroki, Katsuki Bakugo

Hey, everyone! I’m happy to present my story for the TodoBaku Mini-Bang! Be sure to check out the art my partner @addiyblake​ made as well!

Shoto groaned as he rolled his shoulders, reaching back to massage the inflamed and tender flesh caging his scapula. Though he was quite used to being put through the wringer— he could thank his father and the intense U.A. curriculum for that— his body still didn’t take lightly to being flung around by a massive specimen like Gang Orca. He worked his finger pads into the muscle, feeling the heat bloom over his sore and irritated skin, and the ache gradually dwindled. The cool wind blowing from the air conditioner soothed the slightly reddened skin, so Shoto lingered underneath the vent enjoying the breeze until goosebumps rose and prompted him to finally pull on his uniform shirt. 

As he was tucking his folded gym uniform into his schoolbag, Katsuki slammed his locker door shut with an irritated snarl. 

“Fuck these dumb lessons,” he muttered while wrenching on his shirt with such force that Shoto wondered how the fabric didn’t tear. “A waste of goddamn time…” Shoto looked at him with lidded eyes, noting how he tensed his body and clenched his fists tight. Shoto definitely shared Katsuki’s frustration; it was hard watching their classmates head off to internships while they were stuck in supplemental lessons. However, their performance in the licensure exam directly led to this, so unfortunately they had no one to blame but themselves. Katsuki knew this, which is why he punched the locker in anger, leaving a fist-shaped dent in the metal scorched with soot as an explosion went off in his palm. 

“I have to keep moving forward,” Katsuki mumbled, his first slowly uncurling. He looked at the wisps of smoke rising from his palm with sad eyes. He must have felt Shoto staring because his head snapped up with a savage glare. “The hell you lookin’ at, Icyhot?” 

“Just you, throwing your tantrum.” 

“Bah! Don’t pretend this doesn’t piss you off, too!” Katsuki snapped back, shoving his bunched-up gym jacket into his bag. He yanked his button-up on and began doing the buttons, still griping, “You wanna act all cool and shit, but I know that you’re just as frustrated as I am— aw, fuck !” he cursed when he realized he’d done the buttons wrong. As he seethed, growing red in the face, Shoto wondered if he’d just tear the shirt open and walk around bare-chested. However, Katsuki managed to keep his cool, unbuttoning the shirt before redoing them swiftly. “Anyway—” he snorted once he finished, sweeping back his ash-blond bangs to glare critically at Shoto with his vermillion eyes, “Don’t you dare fucking judge me.” 

“I didn’t say I was judging,” Shoto shrugged while tying his tie. “You’re right. I am frustrated, but unfortunately, there’s nothing we can do but complete these lessons. I’m not going to blame you for getting heated about our situation, though. Everyone handles things differently.” 

“‘ Everyone handles things differently ,’” Katsuki snorted under his breath, but not mockingly— more like he was considering the statement. He fell silent, pulling on the rest of his clothes which were rumpled from being haphazardly shoved down in his gym bag. Shoto watched him carefully, noting how stiff and jerky his movements were. His mouth was creased in a deep frown, the hint of uncertainty crinkling his brow. 

Shoto had always been observant, especially with his friends (though Katsuki didn’t really consider them friends because he was an edgy bastard). He’d noticed that Katsuki had been different since Kamino Ward; though in some respects he’d improved, growing closer to Izuku and mellowing out, Shoto could see that deep down, the event still haunted him. The desire to improve wasn’t driving him anymore; it was fear . 

He wouldn’t get very far like that. 

When I was at my lowest, Izuku told me exactly what I needed to hear, Shoto thought as he walked out of the locker room with Katsuki. He stared at the blond out of the corners of his eyes, noting his tense posture and crinkled brow as his thoughts strayed into darkness, making his vermillion eyes shake and sweat roll down the side of his face. No doubt he felt powerless, just like he had in the grasp of the League of Villains. Since they’d undertaken supplemental lessons, his emotional outbursts had increased and were more reminiscent of his early days at U.A., when he rebuked everyone and shouldered everything alone. Shoto would hate to see the progress he’d made go to waste. Is there something I can say to make him feel better? He wondered as they walked out of the building. 

Katsuki’s steps faltered for a minute, leading to Shoto overtaking him. 

“Hey, Icyhot bastard,” he growled immediately, shoving his hands in his pockets and narrowing his eyes. “Walk behind me, not in front.” 

“You always say that,” Shoto said, stopping to turn back to him. He turned up his chin, looking at him inquisitively. “Why?” He was only curious, and didn’t expect Katsuki’s face to turn ashen white and for him to begin spluttering. Shoto raised an eyebrow as Katsuki curled into himself and looked away, anxiety clouding his proud features. 

“B-Because I said so! I’m gonna be number one, so I’m not gonna let some extra like you walk in front of me!” he huffed, but Shoto caught the quiver in his voice and the tremor in his body. 

“You’re lying.” 

“The fuck did you say?!” Katsuki roared, snatching Shoto by the front of his uniform. Though Shoto wanted nothing more than to cold-cock Katsuki in the jaw, he refrained, only staring down at the other boy with a stony expression. Katsuki’s eyes shook and his shoulders rose and fell with panting breaths. His hand shook as he clenched his fingers tighter around the fabric of Shoto’s shirt. “What do you know?” he asked suddenly, his voice cracking as it fell into a whisper. “You don’t know shit about me.” 

“You’re afraid,” Shoto accused. Katsuki’s eyes snapped white, his red irises shrinking into a sea of watery white. As his hand began to shake violently, Shoto reached up, gently wrapping a hand around his wrist. He thought back to the summer training camp when he was supposed to have protected Katsuki— and he made the mistake of walking in front. “You have a right to be. I’m sorry, Katsuki.”

Katsuki slowly deflated, his grip loosening on Shoto’s shirt so he could drop back down to the flats of his feet. He didn’t let go completely, so Shoto didn’t let go of his wrist, either. Katsuki continued to stare, but it felt like he was staring through him, reliving the terrifying sight of Shoto’s back vanishing suddenly before his eyes. “I didn’t have your back that night as I should have, and I’m sorry. I will from now on.” 

Katsuki’s eyes fluttered; Shoto’s words snapped him out of his stupor, causing him to finally uncurl his stiff fingers. Shoto smoothed the front of his uniform shirt as Katsuki’s gaze dropped, a pink haze forming on his cheeks. Shoto expected him to give a brusque reply, insisting that he had it all wrong. Instead, his gaze flickered up to Shoto’s and murmured, “Thanks.” 

“Don’t worry about it,” Shoto said with a hint of a smile forming on his lips. “We all handle things differently. It’s okay.” 

“Tch,” Katsuki snorted and shouldered past him, but not roughly; there was almost a strange sense of affection in the way he bumped their shoulders. “Come on, Icyhot. We got homework to do!” he said as he pushed his hands back in his pockets, but stopped to wait for Shoto to catch up— then walked just in front of him, occasionally glancing back to make sure he was still there. Each time, Shoto smiled reassuringly, making Katsuki snort and turn away, the tops of his ears shining red. Shoto didn’t say anything. Katsuki would probably insist it was the fading sun, and besides— they all handled things differently when they were at their lowest and trying to rise. They just needed the reassurance someone would catch them when they fell. 

Shoto would be there next time.

[oligbia]

Rat- Chapter 1

Mirio TogataXreader

The sun peeked through the windows of your room, curtains dancing as the light breeze flowed in the room. It was too hot in Musutafu, and you weren't fond of the heat. The way it made everything warm and made your body sticky with sweat- you much preferred being inside. You wanted to be somewhere cool. Young kids played in the streets, learning how to use their newly found quirks. Some kid down the street was clearly training himself- explosions sounding out as additional waves of heat fell through the air. A glass of iced tea sat on your bedside table, the ice melting quickly, condensation slipping down the glass.

You sat at your desk, notes and designs spread across her desk. You sat unconventionally in your chair, one leg dangling above the ground, one pulled into her chest. Your chin sat on your knee, tounge slightly sticking out as you studied the documents in front of you. The extra lessons weren’t curriculum for your middle school, and they definitely weren’t required for the summer break remediation. You had passed her last year of middle school with flying colors, top of your class. These were for your own good. You had one goal for the future, and a dozen back up plans, and if this goal fell through, you had to rely on your brains to figure the rest out. If you didn’t get into this school, the school, you weren't sure exactly what you would do.  

You were pulled away from your thoughts when a soft knock was followed by the soft creak of the door. Your grandfather peaked through the door’s opening.

“Y/N dear, you aren’t working too hard, are you?” The older man had a soft smile and short stature. He was clearly losing hair, his comb over thinning out. His eyes were dark, the wrinkles of his face drawing them further into his head.

“No, just some personal learning. I thought if maybe I got into UA, it would be good to know what stuff I want in my hero costume, so I’m looking into the way Present Mic’s uniform works. I think I want mine to be like his-”

Your grandfather scuttled over to you and placed an envelope at the corner of your desk. It was larger than a traditional envelope, it was more like a package. On the back of the white envelope, it was sealed with a large sticker, the UA crest. You looked at your grandfather with large excited eyes. You felt your pulse quicken and your hands shook slightly. You went to grab the envelope, your grandfather taking your hands in his grip softly.

“Whatever happens, Y/N, I am incredibly proud of you- and your parents would be too. I will do everything we can to make sure your future is as bright as you.”

Small tears threatened to overflow from your eyes as you looked into the gentle eyes of your grandfather. You nodded slowly before removing your hands from his grip and returning to the envelope in front of you. You slowly opened it, afraid of ripping the seal. Inside was a small box. You placed the box gently on the desk, a large screen appearing in front of you. A heroic typed melody played as a small animal-like creature appeared on the screen. You honestly weren’t sure if her was a mouse or cat- but what you knew was he was someone of importance based on what he was wearing.

“Good day students, I hope this letter finds you in good health. We would like to congratulate you on completing the acceptance exam for UA, even if you didn’t make the cut to our school, the test is no easy test. It was designed to figure out the best of the best, and was written by some of the best heroes in our world today. Now, to the part you are really looking forward to- the decision regarding your acceptance into our school...”

Your grandfather placed his hands on your shoulders in reassurance. Your heart hadn’t stopped pounding, the anticipation ringing in your ears. This was not just a decision about a highschool- this would decide your future. You knew you passed the written exam with flying colors- there was no way you hadn’t. But the hero part- you admittedly didn’t have a super flashy quirk and had minimal quirk training, you were unsure if you had managed to complete that part adequately.  

“You have been accepted into the hero course 1-A! This is one of two hero classes. We are looking forward to seeing you on the first day of classes. Have a wonderful day, and remember, to go beyond plus ultra!” The mouse-man waved a goodbye before the screen condensed itself.

You felt your body sink, disbelief taking over you. Your grandfather looked down at you, tears spilling down his face. “I am so proud of you. Your parents would be too, Y/N” You hugged him gently, tears falling from your eyes.

As your summer break passed by, you grew more anxious about your upcoming school year. You found out no one else in your middle school had been accepted into UA, so this was a completely new experience for you. You spent a lot of time training, hoping to get a better grasp on your quirk before transferring into the school. It was a safe bet to assume that these other kids had quirks better than yours, and falling behind was not an option. You weren't trying to be a number one hero- but you would be a hero, and a pretty damn good on at that. On the first day of classes, your grandfather saw you out the door. Your new uniform was pressed and ironed clean, the white shirt and grey skirt matched with black knee highs. Your grandfather tied your tie for you, smiling the whole time. You stared holes into your shoes, nerves clogging your mind.

“There is no reason to be nervous, you are there for a reason.”

You looked up at your grandfather, taken back by his ability to tell how distracted you were. You smiled at him as he removed his hands from your now tied tie. He smiled, placing a gentle kiss on your forehead. “Good luck today, Y/N.” You nodded and left out the door, walking to UA.

It wasn’t a long walk, it was about twenty minutes. You walked through your small neighborhood, your neighbors waving as you walked. Word had gotten around that the small orphaned girl had gotten into UA, and they were perhaps more excited than you. You appreciated their support and hoped you could be their favorite hero one day.

You looked up at the stairs of UA in front of you, the anxiety growing in you gut. You felt your jaw clench in tension, the pressure of a new school year in such a large and elite building threatening to cause you to hurll. You once agains began to question your worth. Could someone with such a small quirk really be good enough for such an intense school? Some of the kids you had seen at your entrance exam had flashy quirks that some of the current heros could even envy. You took in a deep breath and accepted that if you were here you were meant to be here and you had earned your place here. You would train hard enough to catch up to the others. Despite feeling as anxious as you did, you would fake your confidence. You fixed your posture, trying to release the held tension in your shoulders and jaw, and made your way inside the building.

Once you found your class, you noticed a lot of other students sitting in their seats looking about as distant as you, clearly as anxious. A few students were already speaking as if they were friends, they likely came from the same middle schools. You found a open chair in the second row from the back on the outside row, closest to the door. You sat down and looked down at your folded hands, fidgeting with your nails and fingers. You heard rustling next to you, someone sitting down.

“Hi! My name is Nejire Hado!”

Your heart caught in your throat, a bit startled.”

“L/N Y/N.” You looked at the girl who had seated herself next to you. She was a bit shorter than average height, but she was more midsized, a combination of being more developed than others your age and her trained body. Her hair was long and thick, its sky blue color working in unison with her deep blue eyes. Her smile was big, her demeanor warm and inviting.

“L/N?” She cocks her head to the side, inquisitive. “I think we were in the same entrance exam…” She wasn’t able to finish her thought before getting distracted by another student sitting down behind her. He was much taller than Hado, however he was much more reserved than her. His eyes looked down the entire time, slouched down over his seats. His hair was done upward and was a deep purple, however you could see the soft point of his ears through his hair.

“Amajikii! I’m so glad we get to be in the same class!”

Tamaki Amajiki didn’t bother to look up at her, his voice was soft, barley above a mumble.

“Yea, me too.”

“Amajiki, this is L/N, she was in the hero exam with us! L/N, Amajiki and I ended up working together during the physical bit of the entrance exam. I’m so glad that three of us ended up together!”

You gave her a small nod, a bit overwhelmed. The new environment of the new school and Hado’s constant pep was unfamiliar to you. You weren’t necessarily shy like Amajiki was, but you were more reserved. You didn’t have many friends growing up, you always saw something like school as a place to learn, not really a place to play.

Hado kept talking, her conversations following sporadic trains of thought. She was rambling on about your new teacher, wondering who it could be. She listed off popular heroes at the time, Gang Orca, Grand Torino- she seemed to be the most excited out of all the students there, most of them seemed to be just as anxious as you and Amajiki. What you didn’t expect, however, was Eraserhead to wander into class.

“Hello everyone, I’m Shotua Aizawa, I’ll be your teacher.” His voice was mono-toned and deep, like how you imagine someone would sound after waking up from a nap. His eyes were red and swollen, large bags under his eyes. His hair was long and seemingly unkept, his face sHado wed with the stubble on his chin and upper lip. From the initial look of him, you felt your face almost completely turn up at him. He didn’t seem to be a teacher, never-the-less a Pro Hero. You glanced at some of the other students in your class, most of them sharing a common look of confusion. A few seemed to recognize Mr.Aizawa, but you couldn’t remember him being a hero of any sort of major significance, not a top 10 hero.

Mr.Aizawa started class off by going over some general rules and a somewhat underwhelming welcome to UA. It was very apparent that he didn’t see your time at UA to be a time to make friends, it was a time to become a hero. You agreed with him, in the end you will have to be better than your peers if you want to be at the top, you can’t make friends just to turn around and stab them in the back. He took down the seating chart, securing your neighborship to Hado and Amajiki. He informed you that it was time to start your physical hero training- he wanted you to learn more about each other's quirks. He led you all to the gym locker rooms and explained that the gym uniforms you would be wearing were inside.

The uniform wasn’t exactly the most flattering thing, it was a blue short-sleeved zip up with matching blue pants, the whole ensemble making the UA logo. You wore a black t-shirt underneath and pulled your hair out of your face. You were curious to see the quirks of your peers and wondered how yours would compare. Your quirk wasn’t traditional, but it was a good one. Your grandfather always said it would come to be a quirk liked by all and it showed a lot about you as a person. It was a unique quirk that was an attachment to you, like it or not.

All the students lined up outside, two large floor mats were in the field in front of you. Soon after, a second class of students appeared outside, their uniforms matching yours. They seemed to be the same age as you. They were escorted by Pro Hero Vlad King, who was presumably their teacher. Vlad King made his way over to Aizawa and exchanged an attempt at pleasantries, one Mr.Aizawa didn’t seem to want to return.

“Class, this is Pro Hero Vlad King, but in school he is Mr.Kan. He is class 1-Bs teacher. Class 1 B is also in the hero course, just like yourselves.”

Mr.Kan smirked, his underfangs poking up through the corner of his mouth. His build was much larger than Aizawa’s, he was built of more muscle and height.

“Class 1-A, it is a pleasure to meet you all, good luck in your training. Mr.Aizawa isn’t easy.”

Hado placed a hand on your shoulder lightly. You hadn’t even noticed she was next to you. She whispered into your ear, her eyes wide.

“Do you think this is going to be a hard exercise? It’s only the first day-”

You shrugged at her, noticing Amajiki cowering behind her. Mr.Aizawa returned his attention back to your class and looked at Amajiki dead on, daggers piercing from his gaze.  “Amajiki, you scored the highest on the entrance exam- you’ll go first.”

The class turned to look at Amajiki, the poor boy visibly shaking. He felt himself coward down, the glares from his peers enough to make him want to disappear. He felt a reassuring squeeze on his shoulder, coming from Hado, of course. Amajiki made his way to the front of the class, his posture leaving his shoulder pushed forward, his eyes burning holes into the ground he was walking on.

Aizawa pushed a small button, a large wall growing behind the mat. It was probably 6 feet tall and made of concrete bricks. “Your task is to break this wall down. It’s made from concrete. You have to remain on this outering of the mat. Good luck.”

Amajiki took a deep breath and started to use his quirk. His arm began to dissipate, turning into a large tentacle. Amajiki didn’t even look up from the ground before sending his new appendage hurling at the wall. A small crack formed in it, but it wasn’t enough to break it completely. Amajiki groaned and looked even more visibly nervous. He retreated back to where he was standing at the back.

“Aw, poor Amajiki, that's too bad.” Hado pouted a bit. She smiled at Amajiki when he reached her again. “Good try Amajiki! You almost made it!” You looked over at them both in a side glance, noticing Tamki’s arm hadn’t completely returned back to its original kind, it was just a smaller tentacle.

Mr.Aizawa looked at the damage of the wall and made his decision. “Amajiki didn’t break it enough to give anyone an advantage, L/N can go next, you were the top score on the written exam.”

It was your turn to be the center of attention. You closed your eyes and took a deep breath, wandering forward. You hadn’t known you had scored the highest on the written exam, you had only had a feeling you did. You wandered onto the mat, trying to get an idea of what you were dealing with. The wall was clearly going to be heavy, but it didn’t seem super long. It was only 4 or 5 feet across.

You let out a high pitched whistle and watched dozens of small rodents scurry towards you. Some of your peers looked down below them, remarks of confusion rising as a soft murmur. You concentrated your thoughts, trying to desperately focus on the task at hand. It was hard to focus on hundreds of rats when you felt the gaze of 20 kids, those kids all murmuring. The growing pressure from Aizawas wasn’t helping either. You hated your quirk for this reason, it wasn’t discreet. People were going to notice it, and they were going to know you were the source. You were able to get a message to the rats, your quirk allowing you to provide them with short commands, assuming they can hear your whistle and you can focus on them.

The rats began to shimmy themself through the opening between the wall and the mat. It had only been a few centimeters tall, but it was enough you could notice it and hope the rats would fit under it. The remaining rats began to scale the wall, creating an unbalance of weight on the side of the wall. You took a deep breath and let out one last whistle. You watched as the wall slowly toppled over. The bottom few rows remained tacked, but the top few walls fell off, hitting the ground. You let out a breath you weren’t sure you were holding in. The class behind you began to speak louder, but you weren’t interested in what they had to say. You whistled again and watched the rats scurry away into places you couldn’t see.

“Very good, L/N, but you have a lot to work on.”

You nodded before retreating to the back of the group again. Your peers parted for you, their gazes heavier than when you started. You reached the back, only to be bombarded by dozens of questions by Nejire. She asked you about your quirk, when you found out you had it, and if it only worked for rats. You tried answering her as she spoke, hardly able to keep up. Most of the students had shifted their gaze off you, their attention restored on the new students demonstrating on a reset wall. However, you could still sense you were being watched from someone.

You turned to look at class 1-B. They were working on training like yours, but they seemed to be doing something different. Their training seemed more adapted to their quirks. You were able to trace the gaze back to someone standing in the middle of their class, his eyes focused on you. His eyes were big and a deep blue, his expression seemed puzzled as he watched you. You locked eyes with him, cocking an eyebrow at him. He looked flustered and moved his gaze away from you and back to the training happening in front of him. His hair was blond and was pulled into a short ponytail behind his head. He was a bit shorter than Amajiki, but his build was much larger, and he had well developed muscles. You had no idea who he was or why he was watching you.

You were pulled out of your observation when Hado was poking your shoulder. “Y/N, do you have a lunch plan?”

You shook your head. “I hadn’t thought about it-”

She grabbed your hands in hers, swinging them around a bit. “Sit with me! Amajiki says he has a friend from middle school to sit with- but I want you to come.”

You thought about what Aizawa had said. The idea of getting close to anyone seemed bad. But, at the same time, spending 3 years alone would be difficult. And Amajiki had a quirk you wanted to study. You looked at her, her eyes wide with wonder. “Yea okay.”

Hado threw her hands up in joy, and you felt the gaze from the blond boy in 1-B return again, but you didn’t look back at him. Amajiki spoke up, his voice still hardly above a whisper. “I think you are going soon Hado-”

Hado dropped your hands and returned her focus back to the mat. You felt a soft smile grow on your face watching her. She practically radiated a welcoming warmth. Even if you didn’t want a friend, you couldn’t have avoided her.

➡  Chapter 2  ➡

[llendrinall]

What would Harry and Draco be like if they were parents? How would your take on it be from their child/ren's birth to adulthood?

Sorry if my English doesn't sound right.

Well, on the one hand I don’t think either of them would want to have children. Or rather, neither wants to be a parent. Harry knows too well what a bad childhood does to you and I imagine he would be terrified at the prospect of something happening to Draco and him and leaving his child an orphan. Sure, Ron and Hermione would take that hypothetical kid, but what if something happened to them too? And to the rest of the Weasleys? And Luna? And Neville? What would happen to the kid them? James and Lily gave Harry a godfather and it didn’t stop Harry from growing up in an abusive home. So Harry would be super anxious about that, imagining more and more elaborate scenarios in which anyone remotely capable of raising a kid without giving them life-long trauma would be unavailable, and Harry’s kid would end up in hard and uncaring hands, just like Harry and Neville.

(And I’m sure Neville doesn’t help on that respect when he says he won’t be having kids and if he has any, he wants them to have their mother surname. No Longbottom will have a claim to them).

Draco knows his parenting role models are awful. He was extremely spoiled while also suffering immense pressure. Draco got all the candy and gifts he ever wanted, but he was also expected to excel at school, be a powerful wizard and become a Death Eater. It’s not that he doesn’t have a frame of reference, it’s that the one he has is really, really, bad. How do you go not giving your child a mix of anxiety and self-absorption? He would sure like to know.

On the other hand, I’m sure that Harry will adopt anyone who stands still long enough. He is not one to let pain make him hard and cold. Rather, his suffering made him more compassionate.

So he and Draco would eventually adopt a kid (or two or three). Although they might also get an accidental biological magical child too. Let’s give the kid a name, just to make writing easier. Say, Celeste. Celeste the most likely adopted, but still possibly biological magical child.

Celeste would be happy and loved. Probably an only-child for a long time, because both Harry and Draco would still be scared at the notion of parenthood. Celeste would learn quickly to entertain themselves and relate to adults better than to other children.

Harry would stress about Celeste’s wellbeing and having them be self-reliable. Draco would insist on letting the child express themselves and find their own interests. There would be a lot of mistakes and doubts, but overall they would do fine.

Celeste would grow up under the assumption that candy exists only as a Weasley family tradition. Like, candy is something that the Weasleys do but no other household has it. Celeste has certainly never seen a candy treat that didn’t come from Weasley hands.

It’s because Draco has this weird crusade against treats. He got so many as a child! It’s a wonder Draco didn’t develop an eating disorder. There were many other aspects where Draco was spoiled silly, but since he wants Celeste to have a broom and learn to fly young, and also play an instrument and what’s the word? A game-boy, Celeste ought to play muggle games too, Draco is focusing on treats and candy which are completely banned at their household. The Weasleys just ignore the prohibition. It evens out. Celeste has some candy, but not as much as they would otherwise get.

I love the idea of Celeste developing magic (especially if they are some sort of magical biological child, because people would see them as Potter 3.0 Malfoy edition) receiving the Hogwarts letter, going to Diagon Alley to buy a wand, everything, all the little traditions and rituals, and once they arrive to Hogwarts… they don’t like it. Beautiful magical place, yes, but it’s still a boarding school. Putting aside that everyone, from teachers to students, looks at them weird because of who Celeste’s parents are, Celeste misses home, isn’t making friends because it takes them a while to open up and overall is having a bad time.

So Harry and Draco take Celeste back home. No questions. Their child wrote saying they didn’t like it there, so Harry and Draco removed their child from that situation immediately. There is no reason they can’t apparate every day for lessons and even if there were, even if there were all kind of obstacles… Their child wrote asking for help and harry and Draco want to do better.

They take Celeste home, where Celeste has all their stuff, is happy and can see Oso. (Oso is the family dog. A huge mastiff so called after a picture in a children’s book. The picture was of a bear, but to be honest Oso does look like a bear to any well informed three-year old).

Of course Hogwarts doesn’t agree with the new arrangement. Harry reminds them that on Halloween of his first year they had a troll roaming inside and things only got worse after that. Harry is told that most of those unfortunate events where a consequence of Voldemort. Nowadays Hogwarts is perfectly safe and perhaps Harry is letting his anxieties take undue hold of him.

“What about the student bullying?” Harry says, with heroic calm. He would rather set the desk on fire.

“What about it? There are centaurs in the forest, but no bulls, I assure you, and as you well known, Mr Potter, students are prohibited from wandering the forest. I do think you are seeing threats where there are none”.

Ah, of course. The wizarding world isn’t familiar with the concept of “bullying”. The application and execution, they know it well, but they don’t’ have a word for what is considered normal conduct.

Celeste attends the rest of the year as if it were a normal school, which is widely criticized although there are also many other parents interested.

And then… The academic year ends and Celeste drops out of Hogwarts. The whole wizarding world comes to a stop, although one should specify that in this case “the whole wizarding world” means “English wizarding society”. The continent doesn’t care if a child attends school or not. Welsh and Scotland care, but not enough to come to a halt. They do discuss it, but they go on with their business. It’s the English wizards who seem to have a problem with it. From September to December the papers write about nothing else.

The things is, Celeste has acquired some of Harry’s anxieties and is concerned with how little they were learning at Hogwarts. A lot of magic, yes, but nothing on language (and Celeste loves reading and learning languages) and even less about math. Not that Celeste likes math, but they worry about not knowing how to adequately manage the family fortune when their parents are gone. You know how wealth does not last three generations? Well, it certainly won’t if Celeste doesn’t learn how to balance expenses. Celeste wants to learn enough that they won’t be vulnerable to their solicitor., and when they put it that way even his gransfather has to admit there is a point.

(And maybe Harry failed Celeste here, letting his child worry so much about becoming an orphan, but Harry routinely receives dead threats and Draco has suffered two attempts on his life, so).

Harry couldn’t be more proud. No benevolent-looking wizard will take advantage of Celeste. Draco is also very happy because Celeste’s muggle school has art lessons in the curriculum and they have Drama as an extra-curricular. Celeste doesn’t want to sign to Theatre, but the mere fact it’s there pleases Draco immensely.

The ministry makes Celeste sits the OWLs in order to keep their wand. There are parents asking about educations alternatives, so the Ministry hopes that once Celeste fails people will accept Hogwarts as it comes, none of that day-school nonsense and hiring qualified teachers.

Except muggle school prepares you really well for the study process (or maybe, it simply prepares you better than magical schools do) so Celeste excels at the written exams. They do really, really, well, which is something Hermione Granger had been predicting for the last four years but nobody listened to her, so she is even more chuffed than Harry and Draco. Hermione has won sixteen different bets and is going to bring parliamentary reform to the education system.

Celeste’s spell work could see some improvement, but they have no trouble conjuring a corporeal patronus and that still qualifies as an automatic O in DADA. With that and some luck in Transfigurations, Celeste graduates Hogwarts having only attended a year. Lucius Malfoy, who is still racist but above all is a social creature and social climber, gives a week-long ball to celebrate his grandchild academic achievement. He also gifts Celeste a summer trip around Europe. Correction, because Lucius knows both Harry and Draco, but specially Draco, are very strict with gifts, he makes a donation to Celeste’s school language club. Did Lucius pay so thirty-odd muggle teenagers can spend three weeks around Europe practicing their foreign languages? Why, he sure did. And you won’t disappoint said children, will you Draco? I will take the money back if you ask me to, but little Prisha will be crushed.

There is a Prisha in Celeste’s school. Lucius is either weirdly stalkerish or paying attention to Celeste.

So maybe Celeste has inherited some anxieties and complexes, like many children do, but Lucius has become a better person and a pretty cool grandfather, so overall I think Harry and Draco are good parents.

[scullyverse]

Roses & Restraint: Chapter One

Dana Scully

Stella/Scully || multi-chapter || rating: E (Explicit)

Summary:

London, 1990. Stella Gibson and Dana Scully both enrol in University. Dana is lonely and insecure, Stella is distant and guarded, until they meet.

Notes:

This story is something that has been conceived and created through many months of brainstorming and endless conversations between me and my wonderful other half Lieke. This little universe has evolved into a life of its own and I can't wait to share it with everyone, finally! This story starts AU with Stella and Dana in University but will maintain heavily elements of both canon The X Files and The Fall later on in this series. I hope you all enjoy reading this as much we have had creating it together.

Also available to read on AO3

Dana

London, England

September 1990

Dana Katherine Scully had never felt lonely before. Growing up in a house full of siblings, she constantly found herself surrounded by noise and the warmth of having people close. She had always been connected with her mother and father, tolerated and even loved her two brothers and was especially close with her sister Melissa. So sitting alone on her new bed in an alien country surrounded by nothing but silence was certainly a different experience.

Tucking her legs up to her chest, Dana rested back against the headboard, looking around her new dorm room. It was fairly empty for the moment save for the essentials like some fresh bedsheets; her closet was open and half-filled with the clothes she had brought with her, and a stack of freshly shrink-wrapped textbooks resting in a neat pile on her desk. Her mother, Margaret, or Maggie as she liked to be called, was planning to take her out shopping later today for a few things to make the space feel more like home. But Dana knew it would probably never feel quite like home to her, this was just a space that she occupied for the time being.

Dana rested her hands on her knees, tilting her head to look outside of the window, seeing mostly brick from the dorm building next door, some leaves barely visible from the trees below. She had been so excited to get accepted into London University - as one of the only places that delved into Biophysics, it was at the top of her list of places to study because of their curriculum. And she was still excited, it was just a different feeling from imagining it to being here, and she suddenly felt very out of her depth. In just two days classes would start and she had never felt this underprepared for anything before in her life. Everyone else surrounding her would be older and have those extra years of life experience she just didn’t feel she had acquired yet.

Being academically brilliant she had skipped a few grades and was able to apply for college at only 16, much to her parents' delight and also uneasiness and worry. It seemed such a whirlwind of a year last year, applying to many different establishments, and finally getting accepted here. Her mother had flown her out at the beginning of the year for interviews and entrance exams to see if she would be a fit for the course she was applying for and if she was able to handle the caseload that would be expected of her. They had gladly invited her and seen her potential. So why don’t I feel that potential right now? Dana thought, her teeth gnawing on her bottom lip.

Things would be fine, her mother had told her so, and she was sure she was right, it was just hard to shake the feelings away when her head could think of nothing else. Letting out a sigh, Dana pushed herself off the bed and made her way towards the suitcase sitting in front of her closet, still filled with numerous things from home. Kneeling and rummaging through the items inside, she pulled out her worn copy of Moby Dick and put it on the floor next to her before grabbing the family picture from last Christmas and put it on her desk, angling it towards her bed. She wasn’t one for clutter, but she always kept a photo of her family in her room. Normally it was the only thing that rested on her desk besides books and stationery.

With the book in her hands, she made her way back towards her bed, her fingers absentmindedly playing with the dog-eared cover before she heard a soft knock. Turning towards her door, Dana quickly fixed herself up, adjusting her blue oversized shirt and brushing her frizzy hair away from her eyes with her free hand.

Dana pulled the door open and smiled warmly when she saw her mother standing in the hallway, a plastic shopping bag in her hands.

“I thought you could use some snacks for your room.” Maggie greeted her with a hug. “Maybe you could keep some in your desk drawer as you did at home, they even had your favourite,” Pausing, Maggie rummaged through the plastic and pulled out a bag of gummy bears. “-I was surprised to find them, but they were in the little supermarket down the street from the hotel.”

Dana stepped aside to let her mother into the room and shut the door softly. Taking the candy given to her with outreached hands, Dana put both the bag of gummy bears and her book down on her desk and stepped forward to wrap her arms around her mother’s waist, her chin just able to rest on her shoulder.

“Thanks, mum. But you didn’t have to do that.” Dana insisted.

“Of course I did, Dana. I know how much you love them.” Maggie replied, brushing her concern off with a smile.

Feeling Maggie’s arms wrap around her, holding her tight, Dana felt warm and secure as she closed her eyes. She would miss her mother’s hugs more than anything. Even though at times she couldn’t stand the way her mother coddled her, she would never get tired of her love. Taking a deep breath, Dana tried to get her emotions under control as she pulled away, looking up at Maggie with slight embarrassment.

“Sorry, I’m just feeling a bit overwhelmed.” Dana apologised, rubbing under her eyes.

“It’s okay sweetheart, you’re allowed to feel like this. Is it too much though? You know you can always come back with me and we can apply somewhere else.” Maggie reassured, placing a hand on Dana’s head and brushing down her hair before resting her hand on her cheek. “This is a big step and something I know I wouldn’t have been able to do at your age.”

“No mum, I want to do this. I’m fine, just a lot to take in for the first few days.” Dana answered, looking into her mother's eyes and giving her a slight smile as she leaned into the familiar hand against her cheek.

Stepping away, Dana peeked into the bag still in her mother’s hand to distract herself from the sour feeling in her stomach. Maggie watched for a moment before smiling as Dana took the bag from her mother’s hands and made her way towards her bed, tipping the contents onto the covers. Dana wasn’t a big fan of sweets, but she did tend to like the odd one here and there when she was studying, a habit she had picked up in her second year of high school. Dana’s eyes lit up when she saw a few more packets of her favourite gummy bears and some chocolate bars that she didn’t recognise, but sounded pretty delicious. She looked up at Maggie and gave her a grin before Maggie took a seat on her bed, picking up one of the chocolate bars.

“I wasn’t sure if this brand would taste good, but the cashier recommended it to me as something that seems to be quite popular here, so hopefully it tastes okay. Though I’m sure it’s not as sweet as the chocolate we’re accustomed to at home.” Maggie said as she gave the bar back to Dana.

Dana gathered the candy and put it back into the plastic bag to put it away somewhere later before she put her hands in her lap, fiddling with the bottom of her shirt. Dana looked up at her mother with slight nervousness as a silence hung between them before Dana felt a warm hand rest of her own.

“Come on sweetheart, let’s go have a look around the city. We still need to buy you some essentials. And I know you wouldn’t say no to a new outfit or two,” Maggie urged, a reassuring look on her face.

Chuckling, Dana got to her feet and walked to her closet to grab a pair of worn sneakers, slipped them on and then led Maggie out of her room, making sure to grab her keys and lock the door on the way out.

——♡——

Dana had only ever been to London once before, that time being earlier that year when her mother had brought her over to have some advisory meetings at the University. They hadn’t had time to stay longer than they needed as it clashed with school, so Dana hadn’t gotten the chance to explore the city she was going to call home for the next few years. Maggie was staying at a little hotel just outside of the city’s business district and over the last week, Dana had gotten used to the bus routes and timetables as she travelled between the hotel and the campus.

Taking her mother’s hand, Dana helped her off the bus and onto a busy street, filled with people making their way to work as it was rush hour in the morning. Dana had done a little exploring on her own the previous days but hadn’t had much of a chance to look at the storefronts like they planned on doing today. She hadn’t brought much with her, only her suitcase and the majority of space in her mother’s too, as Maggie had promised they would go and buy things once they were here as it would be easier that way. And that way her belongings would still be at home for when she came back to visit during the school breaks.

They spent their morning walking around the different streets and Dana ended up getting a spare bedsheet, some new towels as well as some toiletries from a little boutique store that was filled with soaps and hair products that smelt like roses, Dana’s favourite. Maggie insisted on buying her a new bag and a few new outfits that Dana had loved the look of as well as all the stationary she would need for the first semester. Dana would be left with a savings account that her mother and father would deposit money into every month so she could have an allowance until she got a job. Maggie urged that she shouldn’t hurry in finding work, that she should take a while to settle into her new schedule and that there would always be money there for emergencies. Dana wasn’t one to spend money frivolously, only planning on using it for the essentials like food, school supplies and accidentals.

Maggie had already taken her to the campus shop to purchase the textbooks she would need, which Dana had felt guilty for as both her Anthropology and Biophysics textbooks had ended up costing quite a bit. Maggie had just waved her off, not hesitating to pay, but Dana intended to keep them as pristine as she could in hopes she could get some money back for them at the end of her degree and repay her parents.

After almost a full day of shopping, they ended up walking past a bookstore on the way back to the bus stop and Dana proposed they have a look inside. Dana smiled when her mother went straight to the murder mystery section - it was the first stop she went to in every bookstore, while Dana headed for the general fiction section. Dana’s fingers brushed over the covers as she tilted her head, looking over the titles with interest. Reading was always a good escape for her and she would never turn down a novel where she could lose herself in the pages for a while.

Dana walked her way slowly up the aisle, before she reached the end and caught sight of a blonde crouched down in the literature section, pulling a book off the shelf with black polished nails. Dana watched her flick the book over before she brushed her short hair back, revealing a set of piercing blue eyes. The girl opened the book and read a few lines before she rose to her feet, turning and catching Dana’s gaze.

Dana gave a polite smile as the blonde walked towards her, tapping her fingers against the cover of whatever book she had grabbed from the shelf. Stepping back slightly, Dana made room for the girl to walk past her in the aisle, but she bumped into the shelf softly in the process. The blonde smirked at her clumsiness and Dana watched her walk around the corner and out of eyesight. Way to look like an idiot, Dana.

Turning back around, Dana resumed looking at the titles before she heard her name being called and saw her mother making her way towards her, a Joanne Harris novel in her hands. Maggie had always been a fan of the murder mysteries ever since Dana could remember so it was no surprise that she had found another book to add to her collection.

“Have you found anything you like sweetheart?” Maggie inquired.

Shaking her head, Dana closed the distance between them as she reached and took the book out of her mother's hand, flipping it over to give a quick read of the back before she made an impressed face.

“Sounds like a good one. Come on, let me get it for you as a thank you present for everything you have done for me this past week.” Dana said with a grateful smile.

Maggie began to protest, but Dana cut her off with a scowl.

“Mum, please. It’s the least I can do. Besides, it will give you something to read on the plane home tomorrow.”

Maggie sighed and relented as Dana walked towards the counter to pay for the book with some of the crinkled bills she had in her jeans pocket.

After the book was purchased and they made their way to the bus stop, Dana and Maggie juggled their bags of shopping into the dorm room and spent the rest of the afternoon organising everything and putting things into their new home. Dana was impressed with how comforting they managed to make it look, though it still didn’t feel like home and she was sure it wouldn’t ever have that feel to it.

Just as it started to get dark, Dana walked her mother back to the bus stop and hugged her, promising to meet her the following morning at her hotel so they could go to the airport together. Dana wasn’t looking forward to sending her mother home and being left alone, but she was sure the feelings would get better the longer she stayed there by herself. Missy had told her that it would be good for her to go out on her own and spread her wings. Dana wasn’t sure what that meant yet, but hopefully, that would come to her in time too.

Once the bus carried her mother out of sight, Dana let out a shaky breath. The sour feeling in her stomach was hitting her with full force and she had to swallow down a rise of bile in her throat. Loneliness wasn’t something that agreed with her just yet, it would seem. Turning on her heels, Dana tucked her hands into her pockets as she walked back towards her dorm room, suddenly not having the energy to smile politely at the people walking around her. She just wanted to retreat to her room and not have to worry about people seeing her cry.

——♡——

Most of the people had started to arrive in the other rooms on her floor, so she didn’t have the communal bathroom all to herself as she had hoped for. Wrapping a towel around herself, Dana ducked her head and avoided the other girls in the bathroom who were chatting in a thick northern English accent that Dana couldn’t quite understand.

Hugging the towel to herself, Dana grabbed her toiletry bag and quickly walked across the hall to her room before slipping inside, resting her wet hair against the door. She hadn’t thought about bringing a change of clothes with her as everyone else had, and she felt lucky that her room wasn’t far and there were no people in the hall for her to make a fool of herself in front of.

Taking the towel off her body, Dana walked towards the small set of drawers next to her bed, drying her hair roughly as she rummaged through the second drawer to find her pyjamas, which consisted of a large navy shirt of her father’s she had taken a few years ago and a pair of checkered shorts. She threw the wet towel onto the bed, got changed, and hung the towel on the hook behind her door.

Suddenly, she felt very small and the constant dull chatter from the other dorm rooms did nothing to settle her feelings of sadness. Dana stood for a moment, feeling her wet hair seep into the back of her shirt and a warmness fill her eyes. Shaking her head, she quickly blinked the tears away.

“You can do this. Come on, Starbuck. You can do this.” It was a mantra she spoke to the empty room that gave Dana a tiny flicker of courage, picturing her father’s warm face and soft eyes that he only ever showed to his family.

Dana looked at the red lights on her clock and sighed when they read 9:47 pm. It was still early, but her body was almost acclimated to the change in time zones enough for her to begin to feel tired. Grabbing her copy of Moby Dick off her desk, she turned off her ceiling light, leaving only the slight warm glow from the small lamp on her bedside table. Maybe she could read for a little bit to get her mind off things, it usually worked at home. Getting into bed, Dana put the blankets over her knees as she rested back against the headboard, reaching over to her bedside table to grab her glasses and slip them on before she opened her book to the page where she left off a few days ago.

But no matter how many times she read the same lines over and over again, nothing seemed to sink in enough for her to focus on the story. Her stomach was churning and it was starting to make her frustrated. Huffing, Dana threw the book to the floor, and watched as it tumbled on the rug before it fell with half the pages tucked under the cover and now folded. Taking off her glasses, Dana held them in her hand and gripped them tightly between her fingers. Maybe her mother was right. Maybe she should just go back home right now and just choose a university closer to home.

Pulling the blankets back, she placed her glasses back under her lamp before she walked over to pick up her book from the floor, pausing when her fingers touched a piece of white paper, a stark contrast to the worn yellowing pages of her book. Dana picked the book up and pulled the piece of paper out from in between the pages. She couldn’t remember leaving any notes in this book.

Dana opened the folded paper and sucked in a breath when she immediately noticed her sister’s handwriting, a mass of messy nearly illegible script. Dana put her book down on the bed as she sat down, quickly grabbing her glasses so she could read the words her sister had written to her.

To Dana,

I wrote this for you when you first told me where you planned to study. You have your heart set on it, I can see that stupid little sparkle in your eyes when you talk about it. But I also know how you can doubt yourself, how you can think you don’t deserve things you’ve achieved through all your hard work and dedication to the things you want. You don’t need to doubt yourself, I know you can do this. You are strong and can be so determined when you want to be, even if it gets you into trouble from time to time. Trust yourself, Dana. I’m your big sister and I will be here for you, even if you screw up. But you aren’t going to do that. It seems like you got all the brains in the family and all of us are always trying to catch up to you. I’m only a very expensive phone call away.

You can do this,

Missy

Dana held the letter in her shaky fingers, not able to see the words anymore from the blurriness of the tears behind her glasses. She took them off and put them on the bed to rub her eyes, wiping away the tears now threatening to fall down her cheek. She wasn’t sure how Missy knew she would need words of encouragement, but she had a way of always knowing Dana better than she knew herself.

Sniffling, Dana looked back down at the note in her hand with a smile, somehow feeling Missy sitting right next to her even though she was hundreds of miles away. She would have to remember to tell her mother to thank Missy for her when she got home. Folding the note in half again, Dana held it to her chest for a moment and let out a breath, less shaky than a few moments ago. Missy believed in her. That was something they didn’t really speak about. Her relationship with her sister meant more to Dana than anything. They fought like crazy sometimes, but they both loved each other fiercely. That would never change.

Grabbing her glasses once again she put them back on the nightstand before she got back into bed, the note in her hand as she situated herself under the covers. Leaning over, Dana switched off her lamp and the room flooded with darkness. It took her eyes a few moments to adjust to vaguely see the outlines of solid objects as she snuggled down, slipping the note under her pillow before resting her head down. She could feel her wet hair seeping into the material of the pillow, but Dana didn’t care.

Lying on her back, Dana looked up at the ceiling, the silence now becoming deafening. Closing her eyes, Dana rolled over on her side, curled up, and wished sleep would take her away for a few restful hours.

——♡——

Sleep didn’t come at all. Dana hated that. Once the light of the early morning started seeping through her closed blinds, Dana turned her head to look at the clock. 5:06 am. Her mother’s flight would leave in a few hours so Dana figured she would just head over to the hotel now and spend a few more hours with her mother before she left. She couldn’t bear to lay in bed a moment longer anyway.

Sitting up, Dana threw the blankets off her and got to her feet, catching a glimpse of herself in the mirror she had fixated on her wardrobe door. Her hair was a mass of fluffy red curls and her eyes were red from the tears she had shed as well as the lack of sleep. Dana ran her fingers through her hair before grabbing her toiletry bag and heading to the toilets to both relieve herself and try to make herself somewhat presentable for the day.

Dana returned with her hair brushed but still fluffy and curly, unable to do much else and she didn’t have the energy to style it today. She would deal with that tomorrow when classes started. Dana picked one of the new outfits her mother had bought her; a knee-length black denim skirt, red flannelette shirt and black singlet top. Dana slipped on her black converse, slightly dirty from years of wear, before she grabbed her bag and put in the essentials: wallet, book and a bag of gummy bears from her drawer. Something was telling her she might need the pick me up later when she eventually crashed from lack of sleep, and she was anticipating the final separation from her mother was going to be something that would knock her around too.

It took Dana a short walk in the brisk early morning air under the faint glow of the streetlights and a 15-minute bus ride to reach the hotel. Dana paused in the reception area, looking at the large clock on the wall. It wasn’t even 6 am yet. She knew her mother was an early bird, but maybe she should wait a little while longer before disturbing her.

Sitting down on one of the small lounge chairs in the lobby, Dana reached into her bag and pulled out her book. Crossing her legs, Dana opened the book and began to read, her eyes flicking up every couple of minutes to the clock. She would read for another hour or so and then make her way up to her mother’s room. They served breakfast around that time so Dana was sure she would be up before then.

The lobby had slowly begun to fill with the bustle of people over the next hour and Dana had put her book away in favour of people watching. Maggie had picked this hotel because of it being so central to London’s business district and now Dana understood that it was favoured by businessmen and women for the same reason. There was a steady flow of people dressed for work leaving and arriving and by the time the clock hit 7 am the lobby chairs had been filled with people drinking coffee and reading the morning papers. Dana smiled slightly at the nice old lady sitting next to her and grabbed her bag, slinging it over her shoulder and walking towards the elevators.

Stopping in front of her mother's room, Dana pulled her bag tighter onto her shoulder and raised her hand to knock a few times on the wood. It took only a few moments before Maggie opened the door, her hair sitting perfectly on her shoulders and the slight makeup on her face making her appear years younger. Maggie’s eyes went from happy to worried in a matter of seconds as she took in the rough appearance of her daughter.

“Dana, you’re here early…” Pausing, she reached for Dana, resting her hands on her upper arm, giving it a slight squeeze. “Are you okay?”

“I’m fine, mum, just a bit of a rough night that’s all. I was up so I thought I would come over a little earlier and spend some time with you before we have to leave for the airport.” Dana gave her a small smile as she rested her hand on her mother’s arm, rubbing it gently.

Maggie let her daughter into the room and shut the door as Dana flopped onto the neatly made bed, letting her bag fall to her feet. It was amazing how efficient her mother was, it was like no one had stayed in the room at all. Looking around, Dana saw how the room was spotless, all traces of her mother tucked away into the suitcase resting next to her on the bed, all except for her handbag resting on the chest of drawers closest to the door.

“When’s your flight again?” Dana asked, her voice soft.

Maggie grabbed her bag and walked over to Dana, removing the suitcase off the bed and making room for herself to sit down next to her daughter. Rummaging inside, she pulled out her boarding pass, handing it to Dana. Looking down at the ticket in her hand, Dana’s fingers ran over the time.

“10 am boarding time… 9 arrival time. So we don’t have too long then, huh?” Dana stated, giving the ticket back to her mother with sad eyes.

The tight feeling in her stomach that had been bothering her all morning was getting worse as the seconds ticked by. She wasn’t sure what she would do without her mother there with her. Even though she was staying across town, she was still within reach. But soon, she wouldn’t be. Maggie would soon be on a plane back home to the US and Dana would be rooted there, alone. She was getting tired of crying, but she could feel herself getting hot in the cheeks as she turned her head.

Maggie reached under Dana’s chin, turning her head back to look into her eyes. The moment Dana’s eyes met the soft warm eyes of her mother, she broke. Her bottom lip trembled as Maggie pulled her close, wrapping her arms protectively around the small child in her arms. Because in this moment that was how Dana felt. Like a child. And in some instances maybe she still was.

Sobbing, Dana buried her face into Maggie’s chest, enveloping herself in the familiar scent of jasmine and home. Maggie said nothing, just held her tightly, her hand coming up to rest on the back of Dana’s head, brushing her hair soothingly. This wasn’t how this was supposed to go, she needed to be strong like Missy had told her to be and spread her wings on her own. But it was so hard to have to eliminate the comfort only her mother could give her.

Dana wasn’t sure how long she stayed in her mother’s arms after she had stopped crying, but the gentle encouragement of Maggie’s arms guiding her away and saying, “Sweetheart, we need to get going,” told her that it must have been close to an hour.

Pulling out of Maggie’s embrace, Dana wiped her eyes and tucked her fly away hair behind her ears. Nodding silently, she got to her feet and helped her mother up off the bed too, out of courtesy more than necessity. Maggie gathered her handbag and boarding ticket as Dana put her bag back over her shoulder before reaching down to pull up the handle of Maggie’s suitcase. Maggie objected but Dana brushed her away with a small smile, her lips dry from the previous hour crying against her mother’s chest. Gathering the fragments of courage inside, she tried to stand a little taller than she felt.

“It’s the least I can do, mum. Come on, let’s go.”

[meichenxi]

Update: HSK Online Week 1!!!!

For those of you who don’t know, I’m taking HSK Online’s 21-lesson HSK5 course over the next couple of months and I had my first actual lesson today

ARGHHH

I just finished writing up the vocabulary from the lesson, about 40 new/forgotten words to review. Today we were covering the first three units of HSK5 - I foolishly thought that this corresponded to the chapters in the book and so didn’t do that much revision, but it actually corresponds to HSK Online’s own curriculum, which is organised differently. 

To prepare for each lesson, there are units, vocabulary and grammar to review on the app. They recommend you spend a good while going through this and reviewing it before taking the class, to get the most out of it. I definitely would have got more out of it had I finished reviewing all the vocab before the class, not just half of it. 

They also give you a short amount of homework after the class, to consolidate what you’ve learnt. The class itself consists of equal parts going through the exam, practicing questions (today was listening) and talking about the technique, plus explaining grammar points and vocabulary items. I think it’s a good way to integrate the two together, and it means that the amount of vocab isn’t overwhelming. 

So in the class there are maybe 20-25 people, and we all have our own Facebook group as well where we can ask the teachers questions. There are a lot of students from Vietnam, which I didn’t expect! At various points throughout the lesson the teacher might open your microphone and ask you to read something - I was so shocked when this happened that I completely panicked because my roommate was in the room in a class, and awkwardly made my apologies in the chat. I’ll know to kick him out for next time! 

Already I think I can see that some students are more ahead than others, and that’s to be expected. I think I’m at a bit of a disadvantage since I haven’t finished going through the HSK5 syllabus and I think most people have, so there are a lot of unknown characters. But that’s ok - I’m working through the book at the same time, and we’ll get there. I don't anticipate being able to remember everything from the classes (3 lessons a week with nine units is a LOT!), but the great thing about the app is that you have access to those units *forever* - they recommend going through them twice and then reviewing them before taking the exam. 

The units themselves on the app are really comprehensive - they have everything from vocabulary to listening tests to example sentences explained in Chinese, which is so useful. They also have an answer key after every question which explains in Chinese why you got it right or wrong - and if you don’t understand what it says, there’s a translate button. 

Possibly the coolest thing, though, is that your performance on the app affects what content is covered in the online live classes. If lots of students are really struggling with one thing in particular, they aim to cover that in class. It just adds that little bit extra I think, and makes the class personalised. During class we were all encouraged to type our answers quickly into the chat, which was nerve-wracking but good motivation. 

Update, what update? Essentially I’m just really excited about the course and wanted to share it with you guys. I don’t know about the rest of you, but the winter and dark days are hitting hard - and when it feels like I blink and suddenly it’s Friday again, it’s nice to have something to concentrate on and work towards to measure the week by. It’s a good blend of independent study and structure, and helping me along. 

God. If I can pass HSK5 I’m going to buy myself all the Fei Yue shoes in all the colours.

[heyitsmarysblog]

In my 25 years of my life i honestly admit that i never had been into relationship with someone else, yes i know it sound like an old school or something you watch on movies or on tv or even you might read on the books but yes i am a no boyfriend since birth. My friends and family and some people do say that i am pretty but that doesn’t what i see and feel specially when i was on my high school days i feel so down that i am so ugly, stupid and idiot one, as i have said i never had into a relationship yet but that doesn’t necessarily means that i never had fall for someone else or admire someone off course i did and just what other people do it’s normal and it’s part of being a teenager or a youth.

I did admire so many guys and most of them i really did fall and my heart got broken into pieces as well so let me tell you my story, starting with my bestfriend or let me say my ex-bestfriend i met him when i was in grade school and he has a twin brother our friendship did actually started on a wrong foot when we were on our 4th grade it was more like little kids fight we were both immature and so young at that time, but we did became friends when i lend him and his twin brother my extra pen and that was the start when were on our 5th grade i was surprised that i saw this twin at the start of the school semester because he told me they would migrate in London.

Apparently there where a changes of plan so they stayed here in the Philippines and that was really a good start of our friendship he was my seatmate and at the back was his twin brother but by that time i have a crush with another guy my classmate when i was in 3rd grade the one who has been my friend for some quiet of time and he was the one who was actually keeping an eye on me for our teacher i used to skip and cut class before on our math class i did hate and cursed that subject during those time and i still hate it though, going back to my story we became really good friends until we decided to call each other best and this guy was the first guy that i became my guy bestfriend until one day on a game we play on which were there was a consequence you have to tell who your crush is and i beat him up so he has no choice to spill it out and i found out that the girl who were sitting on her left side that was my classmate back when i was in 3rd grade was his crush and he admire.

Little did i know i was starting to like him but i couldn’t admit it i remember that there was time i wrote a song for him to confess with her crush and i entitled it with the name of her crush in the tune of the song “Umbrella” by Rhianna meanwhile his twin brother confronted me once and i could not deny it anymore and he did confessed to me that he also admire a lot my bestfriend who was by that time transferred on a different school the following year was our last year in our grade school, and our friendship became more deeper and i admired and fall for him deep as well as the time goes by there was this random girl on our class who also admire my bestfriend i became so jealous seeing them close together specially when i transferred on the higher section but apparently i only stayed for a few weeks aside from my grades those students were meaner than on the section i went to and i decided to just go back there after all my friends and bestfriends where there so was he.

When the time being that i got back on our section that random girl who happens to be my enemy had became so much closer with him that made me jealous to death and found out he admire the twins and as i talk to his twin brother asking him and making into plan that we will make them jealous as well as we pretend that we were together but that plan didn’t work and because i couldn’t take it anymore it came to a point that i confess my feelings through him and i sent him a message unfotunately it was his sister who were the first to read it and when we met on school and got on the room i didn’t sit beside him he was still my seatmate everything became akward to us and there where things that change.

Until he finally got the chance to ask it to me and everything were settled at that time and we did remained friends until few weeks after and month on our graduation there were changes in him he started being cold to me and avoided me on our graduation day when we congratulate each other he didn’t shake his hand with me as he did with our friends that hurts, after that was the last time we saw and communicate though he often visit me on our house quite sometime with our good guy friend.

As i entered high school life i was alone i had no friends at first actually he and his twin brother idea that i entered and take the exam on the special curriculum i didn’t pass the exam but i passed the auditon while he and our friends were on the basic curriculum. Meanwhile i met a guy through a text and we started having conversations and became friends but i never met this guy during those time and i was shocked when he started courting me through text but i rejected it because aside from i am not yet ready and still young i still have feelings for my bestfriend ex-bestfriend, i haven”t heard from my ex-bestfriend since the last time he visit me on our house and one time i saw him online on facebook and we did chat and i was trying to see what’s on him until he pranked me and told me he didn’t know me and all of this stuff that he got into accident and had an amnesia and i was pissed off then that’s why our friendship end when he denied me and put everything to trash and i got hurt because of that i even blocked him on facebook and cut our communication after that conversation.

On the other side of the story where this guy that i rejected i just realized that i was already fallen for him so i try to communicate with him and it was too late just that coincidence that i met a random girl from a star section during my freshmen year i was on the lower section anyway i did became quite friends with these girl and only to find out he was related to this guy who courted me before how i was been slow and fool did not get what was happening through them, only to find out that girl was her girlfriend when that girl knew about it i admit everything but she misunderstands it so was the students on the campus take note the whole campus.

They broke up because of me and it was not my intention i didn’t even wanted that to happened but that was so painful when this guy denied that he did courted me and i have to apologize for the thing i didn’t do i didn’t intentionally want to happen the story was twisted and i was been the third party which i was never was without knowing and intentionally doing it everyone think that i was the reason why her ex-girlfriend decided to transferred to another school while this guy was his on junior high while i was a freshmen at that time.

When i entered sophomore i met a weird transfery student guy well he was being nice and making some awkward gestures through me this guy was trying to make friends with me but in a way he has not exerted an enough effort until one day i just found that i had a crush within him already and i admire him and during those moments i onced prayed and ask God for a sign and as days and time goes by i have seen those sign within him. I found out that his also a Christian those where the times i started day dreaming there where some imaginations through my head i started having hopes and with some love songs i usually listen i think of this guy during those days i love to sing and some songs that i sings i feel it and think of him, yes he was my first love and i thought he was it until when we were on our junior high we had fight he became my enemy we had a war when i got pissed off and we became bad blood then i found out that he was making fun of me he and his friends were teasing me the rest of the classes started bullying me.

So i started war on him through facebook that time i was just starting on express and defend myself but i was the bad one and everyone was in favor in him i really got mad on him aside from he was just playing around and making fun of my feelings for him, he also give me a false hope and that’s the time i became bitter i had so much anger and great hatred for him and his friends i even cursed him and then when we were on our last year on our high school which is our senior year things had change and i felt like making up with him to be friends with him and the rest of our classmates.

I did ask forgiveness and apologized for him and to everyone he did forgive me but i actually didn’t felt that he and his friends and our classmate really accepted my apology i tried making up with him and them, then i found out later on that this girl that belongs on star section and she was very talented and famous person within the campus she’s also a Christian she had a good voice that she join on singing competitons and made her famous.

She was my first loved girlfriend and i didn’t know and i am a fan of this girl before i knew and found out she’s with my first loved and this girl was so nice with me until i had this feeling again towards his boyfriend which is the transferee student way back my sophomore year, that i still love him but i didn’t know he was with this famous girl at the campus already and when i was about to confess with him that i saved a message on my phone which i was supposed to send during our Christmas break but during our examination all our phones has been confiscated when we had our break time.

One of my classmate took my phone and he read the message not only for himself but he even read it with him and his friends i was so humillated because of that i can’t even show myself through them, i started avoiding them and ignoring all of them i skip classes and make my absence on the last 3 quarters of our school year i remember before this happened i wrote a letter for him to apologize but he didn’t finished it because our teacher confiscated it and he was ask all about it. Going back as i absent i made so many excuses even if it’s obvious then when i come to class there is this time that her girlfriend tries to confront me but i avoided it actually she was a nice person she even once tried to invite me to attend in their church but apparently something came up, until one day her girlfriend told me that they are on the rocks already and she told me he doesn’t love her anymore and he loves me instead fool of me i believe with these stupid lies i am such a naived at this time.

I found out that she was trying to reverse psychology me and my classmates made fun of me i felt alone i had no one to be with until one day when i was so broken i saw my bestfriend at the campus we talked and then i met her friends it was after our nat examination and they invited me to join them we went to a ktv and after it i invited them in our house where we start talking and i told her and her friends what happened, and then we came up to an idea to form a group and we started having this friendship during the last few weeks before we graduate we go out together and on our graduation day which i felt lonely and alone again because i wasn’t with my friends. And my classmate had made fun of me again so that night i went online and expose everything about them there secrets they had and expose the secret relationship of my first love and his girlfriend but, they knew it so easily and everything messed up but i had regret that i apologized through them and i am glad some of them accepted it.

While i am having a fresh start there is this one of our friend i found out that we go with the same church but at that time i wasn’t active and i am not consistent and active this guy became also my bestfriend he was the one why i get back to Christ we used to attend together in all of the services and sometimes we invite our friends along with my bestfriend and my friend is the twins from grade school then i met again my ex-bestfriend and my good friend told me about that the amnesia was true at this moment i find myself falling for him again but he fall with our friend that became my very close friend, there’s even this time that me and my best friend and my ex-bestfriend are jamming and we end up playing a game a truth or consequence game which my bestfriend ask me about who is my crush well they kept on doing that it even took for us an hours before i can spill it out and it was so very shameful and awkward for me to admit it once again with my ex-bestfriend after having a heartache with my first love but i take it back and after a decade this ex-best friend of mine during grade school we became good old friends again he did fell for my bestfriend for awhile but he ended up having his own family now and i am happy for him.

Until i met this guy in one of the event on our church i was just new during that time and i was shock at this guy that he was so approachable with me and he knows ne already while i am clueless who is this guy then i ask my bestfriend who was that guy and i found out that he was our youth worship leader i didn’t recognize his face but later on i recognize his voice what gets me curious about is that he knows me the next time i saw him is at church i found his voice very deep only to find out that i was starting to admire him i even added him on facebook then i found out that he was my sister’s batchmate and my sister’s boyfriend is his college friends together with one of their friend who also comes with the same church then one of a churchmate of ours and a common friend of my sister stayed in our home for a few months and while she was staying with us i found out that she is close with this youth worship leader and that he created and cover some songs on youtube that i even downloaded on my phone and i found out that this youth worship leader is my bestfriend and my bestfriend’s brother guitar instructor he is a talented one i even ask him out to come on my debut well i was supposed to ask him to be my escort at that time but i was shy and thought that he would refused i thought it was a destiny but i found out she already had a girlfriend for many years and her girlfriend is also a college friend of my sister’s boyfriend and the girl i was been jealous with my ex-bestfriend is her churchmate and disciple we actually became good friends, there was this one time that this common friend of this youth worship leader was became close to me and we were having a good time together with my bestfriend when this loyal bestfriend of mine spill out that i admire this youth worship leader then i suddenly notice that some of the youth that time that are part of the music team started teasing and bullying me when they knew about it and it even came to a point that i asked council from selective people and i reported all this to our pastors.

Only to find out that this youth worship leader is the nephew of one of our pastors our worship team leader it became so awkward on us and i remember after going on my first time at our youth camp i wrote a letter for him and the music team to apologized i thought by then everything will be alright but i was wrong because at that time i really had fallen for him and i really did cried for him so many times specially when i see him and hear his voice leading us on worship i really did get distracted and it took sometimes that i needed to prayed for this to end this and submit to God all about it but it wasn’t easy for me specially when he left for awhile i thought his not going back i needed to unfriend him and his friends it was a big decision for me to block them all but when he came back, i couldn’t help myself to unblock him i tried getting over with him i tried moving on but when i heard the news that one of his love one went to be with the Lord i didn’t even think already but i was eager to comfort him and be there for him even if i knew that his girlfriend is already there on the day of cremation i went there i thought there would be youth that shows comfort for him but i see to it that it was all her family members and relatives i knew i was been a fool and not thinking at all.

So after that i really did my best to avoid and ignore him even if we see each other at church i want to move on because i need to let go but when i thought i already did i found out that he was living out the country and migrating together with his father and i felt sad i really did cry i even gave him a remembrance and letter but i felt upset when i figure out that he and the music team made fun of it, when he left i tried moving on and forgetting about him

Just when i already had forget about it there was this guy during my college days were not really close but i onced asked advise from him regarding with this youth worship leader and there are some quite sometimes we had conversations through text and chat. The next time i saw and be with this guy when we have a merge class with them he was an it student by the way same course that the youth worship leader had been taken anyways as what i am saying there was this grouping that we had to make an mtv and we became groupmates, during those time that we shoot there was a time that he teased me and i got offended somehow specially when were on our way home and our groupmates teased us and ask us to hold hands at first i refuse but they where the one pushed us to hold hands.

At the school when were waiting for our proffessor and reviewing they came and he approached me and act like he was my boyfriend and our classmate teased me and i was really offended because of that, afterwhich i wrote a note on him and confronted him after that i avoided him and ignored him until when the two of us were left while our other groupmates went to buy some foods while he was editing the video he confronted me and after that i don’t know what happen next i started having compassion with these guy then i found out that he was pursuing our class president i was really hurt because i already fall for him at that time.

What really hurts for me when we were on our retreat the last night on our retreat when he was drinking with his friend i heard with my two ears that he was just feeling pity for me and it breaks my heart when were on our way home which by the way we sat together on the bus our classmates planned it before the retreat i accidentaly confess on him i chatted him and block him but i didn’t know what i was doing i was tipsy at that time my classmates forced me to drink if i don’t they won’t help me out with the dance steps again for our recital.

After our mtv making we avoid each other and he ignores me during on our sportsfest i can really feel that he is avoiding me and it hurts i did apologized on him and there was this time that i was so desperate that’s why after our class outside of our school and infront of our classmate i kneeled down on him to say sorry but he just walked away, and after that it was our retreat and as i was told you guys on our way home were both quiet and i sleep until we went back home few weeks after we need to finalize our requirements and we were ordered to make a short film and he was there to help us because she was helping out our class president and during our break time there were talking about their status and how both of them doesn’t care that i was so near with my class president they intended it.

A week before the camp this guy and i with his classmate had a fight when my bestfriend’s ex use his facebook to chat me and say such thing but afterwards we did settled everything and when i got back from camp my tita informed me that there was this guy was looking for me but no one was able to entertain him because my parents was at the hospital visited my newborn nephew at that time, when i found about it was him i really had a strong feeling that it was him based on the description but why would he be looking out for me? He never admitted it but i knew it was him then a week before our graduation he confessed to me that he already had a girlfriend my heart crushed and falls apart i was so mad he was a liar he broke my heart he was the one that got away yet i felt the first cut of the deepest in him few years later he got married and we had some fuss and feud and i cut ties with him and the rest of our college classmates and batchmate.

I really had too much hatred for him and i became more bitter that i did not believe that forever exist i held so much hatred in him and with my classmates and with his classmates for i know that they had planned all of this and they succeed, because of too much hatred and anger i made a promise to myself that never again that i would fall in love again and that i will never shed a single tears for any man i was been tired of falling in love and not feeling that love back that every time i fall i also falls apart that it was always a one sided love, so i prayed for God to close my heart and lock it and i thought i had guard my heart but i was wrong when i ask advice and comfort from one of the youth in church this guy were not totally close but i can say that we are friends and i asked him because during those time he also had his heartache when he broke up with his girlfriend and i really appreciate it when he prayed for me and he was even there on my graduation i invited him to come the next time i saw him is when i visited my mentor at church while they have a meeting regarding on one of the presentation for the upcoming anniversary of our church and some of the closest youth of my mentor was also there and one of my spritual sister came when she started teasing the both of us when they notice that somehow were close well actually this guy was bullying me that’s why i ran after him and my spiritual sister told that we were sweet after that night i didn’t understand what was going on and i felt that time.

I figure out that i started to admire him that easily and so i just go with the flow knowing that everything was alright then all of a sudden this guy just ask me to do something and i didn’t get him and i just found him too shallow i wanted to confronted him but he close his door and during those times that i am eager to fixed whatever needs to be fixed, i even gave him a letter to confront him and i found out that he already knew that i have a crush on him and i actually got real sick because of that i was been confined at the hospital due to dengue.

And i heard a news that he just trashed away the letter i gave him and he embarrassed me infront of the other youth and my fellow leaders during those moments many times and he even did not appreciate the Christmas gift that i have given to him, i fall for him until he was the one cut everything our communication and he choose to end our friendship i was hurt i had to admit that many things happened and there were words that i had said towards him i couldn’t understand why i cried for this guy it even came to a point i wrote my side of the story on wattpad that goes viral and i had to delete the story we did actually was able express his side and i thought it was the closure but i was wrong.

Until one day there was this event on our church that i planned to confronted him but he brought a girl with her only to find out that it was her girlfriend, but i found out through a common friend of us that he just brought that girl to act that they were a couple i try to move on and forget him i even choose to stay away from him and our friends and it’s really been a hard decision and tough sacrifice for me i thought if i will do that i can forget him but i just misses him more like how i missed him when i am not seeing him at church it didn’t work out because i just kept on thinking of him just this recently i saw him with his girlfriend at church and i was really hurt and i couldn’t help myself not to cry and cry it all to God when i got home i cry it all over again and this is the reason why i ended up making this article.

5 years later when i saw and found this article that i had wrote when i was 20 i had rephrase the words and the sentence i wrote since there was a lot of changes obviously since it has been 5 years already i am now 25 right now already adult still single those guys were already man now by today.

The church that i was reffering was no longer my church i already left for what reason that is another story tell i already have a new church where i made a vow that i will close my heart and surrendered the keys of my heart to Him yet i failed because i got distracted and tempted.

Just as i said that my weakness is falling for someone easily and just as i thought that i’ve learned my lesson and no longer weak because i already figured out that there was someone out there for me the art of “true love waits” that after i have given up my feelings and this man to Him when i found out his pursuing someone else and years later he ended up with my mentor and now getting married which i am happy for them after all it was a long time ago.

Although after him there were two who tried to pursued me and with the first man who admitted his feelings for through chat i knew that i wasn’t ready yet and i knew it wasn’t the right form to pursue someone i have to say that along the way somehow i learned a lot but i have to learn it the hard way so i would say his ways were not right and during those times i was not ready plus i have just started to enjoy my season being joyfully single learning to value the joy of being single.

Because i always had been in a rush and same with these man who were acting like there is something already even if it’s loud and clear that i am not ready plus it annoys me how he was been obsessed and jelous towards my guy friends and he has to let the whole church he was pursuing me even the things i said he made me look like the bad one.

When i rejected him i know for all these time i always got rejected and this was the first time i was flattered at first honestly but his actions leads me to a decision to reject him even though he was persistent or i would say persistently annoying but i have to say this was the first time i was able to confront someone i never did it personally because i am not really the brave and courageous as everyone thought i am the reason why i do this form because i have no courage to speak up what i truly feel knowing that my voice won’t matter and never mattered.

After this first man who tried to pursued me where i tried my hardest to extend my patience and understanding towards him i didn’t want to hurt his feelings though he did something that i am grateful i was actually flattered if he weren’t that annoying and he didn’t twisted the story maybe just maybe we could have been friends somehow but he blew it and i can’t help not to get annoyed the way how he acted and made it seems i was the one who was chasing after him like the nerved of him.

After him there was this man whom i thought would be my first and last i mean let’s admit it to all my fellow single ladies or nbsb readers out there being single from the very beginning we all been wanted to find or have someone would be our first and last right? The story goes like this there was another who wanted to pursue me and was praying for me according to my mentor and i didn’t realize and had no idea about it when he prayed for my youngest nephew and my father.

We didn’t have any communications back then unlike the first one until one day when i started working this man that let’s just call him Taurus who started showing his intensions and making his moved and just because i thought he would be my first and last i got fond with him we started exchanging chats almost each midnights and he mostly eat on my workplace.

Though we did this without the blessings of our pastors and mentors and i do admit i was wrong because it’s completely different the way i was with Taurus than the first man who wanted to pursued me i wasn’t ready at the time but with Taurus i gave him a chance i took the risk we dated without label in others we were mu for a month or two.

I gave him the chance Taurus met my parents, relatives, my bestfriend some of my friends even the family of my ofw frontliner breadwinner sister in New Zealand future’s in laws Taurus already ask the permission of my mother and my ofw frontliner breadwinner sister in New Zealand to court me for the very first time i opened my heart to him.

I have no plans or ideas of dream wedding for quite some time specially when this transferee student way back when i was sophomore high school who turned out to be engineer 10 years later who told me that i was the very first person to get married or get pregnant on our batch that’s why i promised to myself that i will never ever get pregnant or get married but because of Taurus it changed.

I opened my heart to Taurus i gave him the keys of my heart when i finally thought that i closed my heart but he found the keys that was i thought then again i was wrong Taurus knew everything i’ve been through and Taurus even knew me but to my surprised when i was ready to take that risk.

Taurus ghosted me the nerved and audacity of Taurus to say sorry for loving me yes Taurus said that he does love through chat like the first man who tried to pursue me yet Taurus ghosted because Taurus couldn’t accept everything about me Taurus only love the good side of me but my bad side Taurus couldn’t accept it while i accepted everything i figured about Taurus which i thought Taurus would be my first and last.

I remember when Taurus even apologized actually before this ghosting thing happened we had our closured but then Taurus ghosted me Taurus couldn’t accept the fact that these bad sides where triggered by my depression and Taurus is one of the part but Taurus is not just the only reason of my depression.

However Taurus is unforgiveable the nerved and audacity of ghosting me saying sorry for loving me but couldn’t accept my bad side and that Taurus is tired and giving up well it’s not love for me that is bullshit excuse my word but it is really it is because if you truly love the person your not gonna easily give up or get tired i knew and felt how sincere Taurus i saw the sincerity and i knew Taurus was serious but there is a complete differences between being serious and sure.

If Taurus wasn’t sure about Taurus should have not made any first move shame on me and how fool i am having that stupid thought that Taurus would be my first and last because Taurus the walls that i have build before Taurus came over that wall had been restored i ended up unfriending Taurus deleting all our conversations bringing Taurus back the things Taurus gave me the books, the letter and i ended up throwing the gift that Taurus gave me i never thought it would end up like these having the thought that Taurus would be my first and last but i was wrong Taurus knew everything i’ve been through yet Taurus did this to me aside from ghosting Taurus really hurt me badly and it’s unforgiveable the nerve and audacity.

Yes i have depression these are one of the reason and as i saw these article and read it on the first latter part i was laughing because it’s been a decade ago but as i read it thoroughly the pain, hatred and grudges the memories suddenly bring back even the moment i decided to continue this article and rephrased some of the sentences and words.

There were questions back of my mind what if i was able to and say the things i wanted back then like when i read the part where i was been accused as a third party and that guy who has been textmate when i was thirtheen and freshmen denied that he tried to court me and i was humiliated in front of my own mother in front of all the campus where he deserved a slap and a confrontations way too late.

The transferee when i was sophomore who is now engineer right now who humiliate me in front of the class when he said i was the very first to get pregnant and get married what if i told straight to him that i was offended and just slapped him he deserves it though or the time i run away instead of confronting him regarding those saved messages on my outbox and let that talented star section back then that i had no intention on trying to ruin their relationship what if i just faced them back then when they wanted to settle everything. As i read and rewrite this article the part where i said this transferee student way back sophomore year when i was High School when i said he was a false hope giver 5 years ago i would agree but right now i would question my self why did i wrote or call him that way well right now she is successfully famous she has been a contestant then and there what if those moments i have been given a chance back then to settle everything and to have closure them what if i didn’t run away what if i took that the chance two years ago when i saw them on my churchmate and batchmate’s father’s last night of wake before the burial.

If they read these i am sorry for everything and i am really happy for the both of you i just hoped that those moments i had the chance to settle everything and have closure i wish i did it and didn’t run away because right now it hunts me i wouldn’t deny that these are one of another reason why my depression is triggered i regret those moments and days i had the chance to settle everything and make things right if only i can be given the chance.

I know that this wouldn’t matter at all anymore but i just wanted these things to get load out from my chest if i could only be given a chance because it frustrates me i tried everything among everything these really hunts me badly and i wanted to apologized for the insecurity that i felt towards their success because here i am unemployed and jobless while they have reached and achieved their dreams successful but not like me.

What if i was able to express my side and confront the IT student guy way back from college what if i went outside the room that night when i heard loud and clear what that IT student told to the rest of the IT students which is his friends during our retreat night he also deserved to be slapped that time and he didn’t deserve how i kneel down on my knees for him and even tried to find him chasing for his house back then when we were fresh graduate just to confront and settle everything.

What if that former youth churchmate of mine what if i had enough courage and braveness to confront and settle everything what if that night when he finally opened up during the open forum what if i also said something and made my amends but now everything is too late its a decade and 7 years late.

And if ever my friends or someone knows me will be able to read this blog of mine i want to tell you guys that i am in no harm of writing and creating this blog, i found this way to express my feelings and for those guys that really made me fallen apart and broke my heart into pieces, “thank you for the broken heart and thank you for the permanent scars if it wasn’t for you i might forget how it feels to get a brand new start and everytime i find myself alone in pieces i’ll find myself i’ll just remember when you hurt me and i made it cause if it wasn’t for you i might forget and i wouldn’t be here all my pain disappear i’ve come so far so thank you for the broken heart”

“The most important thing you ever gave me was the one that hurts the most so thank you for the broken heart” 5 years later and a decades from now as i rewrite this article of mine these what has come up.

I never thought that i would be able to come up with this or even republish this again but yeah that is my experience and point of view and maybe one of the reasons why i end up closing my heart again i am left with bitterness, hatred, grudges, unforgiveness and walls.

Even traumatic experience and events of my life where here i am making another vow that never again maybe this is why i am left confused with my preference based on my experience though i am single and nbsb i suffered and been through a lot what more if i will really have someone or will i have?

I honestly don’t know anymore due to my different forms of traumatic encounters towards men who rejected, ghosted and even attempted to do something terrible yes i didn’t just encountered it once but twice that’s the reason why i left my previous church.

I am not saying that all mens are the same maybe somehow in generally or let’s just say that it’s based on my experience that is the main reason why i get even or mad whenever this topic and issue is being talk about specially Taurus.

But i would say it’s one of the reason why i wanted to get out from this city when Taurus ghosted it was during the global pandemic that’s why i am forced to stay at home and to this city where i wanted to get out decades ago and right now i just wanted to go right now to New Zealand to have fresh start maybe then i will be able to move forward and let go of all the things.

Being here in the city and this country cause me a lot of different forms and varies of horrible traumatic experience and events of my life you can’t blame if this is my point of view or even my preference changed or why i am this cold hearted stone if you made it this far thank you for reading and viewing it thank you for not putting my efforts of writing and rewriting this useless or in vain feel free to read my other articles visit my facebook page and subscribe to my youtube channel.

Stay safe and dry get vaccinated wear your face mask and face shield bring alcohol do social distancing follow the health protocols if it’s not necessarily to get out just please stay at home.

Hopefully as you read this pandemic is over and the next time that this article will appear to me i am already in New Zealand.

Love,

Mary ❤️

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