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prodagustd · 9 months

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the road not taken | myg

part one: back home

Summary: To have the job you’ve always wanted and the life you’ve always dreamt of you had to break a few hearts, including your own. Four years later after running away from your home, your family and friends, you realized that maybe you fucked up; you’ve been a bad daughter, a bad sister and a bad friend. Getting your shit together seemed difficult enough, you didn’t expect that it included facing the first man who ever broke your heart: your brother’s best friend.

part two>

—pairing: lawyer!yoongi x actress!oc

—rating: +18

—genre: brother's best friend, one sided pinning (or both?)

—warnings/tags: angst, fluff, eventual smut, angst, sexual tension? lmao, slow burn, flashbacks, ANGST!! Btw english is not my first language !!

—words: 12k

—a/note: literally finding the courage to post this rn because yesterday i had an identity crisis and i wanted to delete everything!!! but i hope you like it more than me <3 feedback is very much appreciated, if you want to be on the taglist pls let me know!!

series masterlist | teaser | playlist

Four years ago.

In your almost twenty one years of life, you never had to spend the holidays without your eldest brother, you were never prepared for that. All the attention of your family was fixed on you now, making you feel like you were an only child for the first time. It felt weird, but nostalgic, like you were waiting for him to enter through the door at any moment. You supposed it was going to happen at some point, opening the gifts with just your mom, sitting on the front seat of the car for the first time while listening to christmas songs on the radio, only to arrive to your grandparents’ home and attempt to survive the questions of your future alone, that didn’t sound fun at all.

Simon, your eldest brother, didn’t die, by the way, he just got a girlfriend. A girlfriend? Yes, a girlfriend, that word wasn’t part of his vocabulary, or at least it wasn’t a few years ago when he left for college, but now all of a sudden he had a serious one, the kind who invited their boyfriends to spend the holidays with their families. Now Simon wore knitted sweaters, drank black coffee and listened to all the bands your uncle liked, he grew up, or something like that, but you didn’t think he grew up enough to get a girlfriend, to fall in love. Well, you hoped he was in love, you didn’t meet the girl yet but you hoped he was, at least that was what he said.

Yes, Christmas without your brother sounded a bit sad, but New Year’s eve on the other hand… didn’t sound so bad.

If your brother’s absence would’ve happened years ago, you would’ve planned this the same way as always, getting drunk with your highschool friends at the only decent party that there was in your hometown around that time, only this time he wasn’t going to be around to tell you to stop drinking or to take the joint off your mouth when you failed to hide from him to smoke weed. But this year you got sick of all that, you got sick of the same faces from highschool and all the girls who approached you just because they wanted to fuck your brother, or all the girls who fucked your brother’s best friend, maybe you got sick of the same music, the same party, the same people. This year you felt like you were seventeen again, too afraid to wish that something different could happen, maybe this time you weren’t coming home alone after watching Yoongi giving the first kiss of the year to some random girl, maybe this time your heart wasn’t going to hurt that much.

Yoongi, your brother’s best friend, was painfully always there in your life, you didn’t know how the mess that was your brother was able to have such a good friend, they knew each other even before you were born, when they were only four and met each other at basketball practice. Yoongi was always like your brother’s conscience, the voice of reason, the calm one, the designated driver ever since he was sixteen, the smart one, the boy every mother wanted as their son. Yoongi was the boy who helped you with your math homework when you were eleven, he was the boy who defended you when your brother made fun of you, the boy who gave you his joystick so you would stop crying when you found out your brother was making you play with the one that didn’t work. He was sweet and kind with everybody, you wished you knew that when you were twelve so you could save yourself the eternal heartache that came along with being in love with a man who only saw you as your brother’s little sister.

Yoongi was always mature, always wiser, always older. And you were always immature, always stubborn, always younger. Just a brat who couldn’t stand the fact that he was the only one you wanted, but the only one you couldn’t have.

Maybe forgetting about him when he went away to college was the best thing that happened to you, you pretended he didn’t exist during the school year and made yourself believe you got over it, that your heart didn’t jump every time you called your brother and you heard his voice in the background, that you didn’t read every birthday message he sent you since you were sixteen until you memorized them, that you didn’t compare every guy to him and that you weren’t annoyed when you realized that none of them was half as intelligent as him. You were obligated to pretend you weren’t condemned to look for his face in every crowd ever since you were a teenager. All that mental effort was wasted away when you came back home for the holidays and saw him sitting on your couch again.

You repeated the cycle every year as you pretended that your heart wasn’t tired of it, like seeing him that morning in your kitchen didn’t make your heart drop like you were twelve years old again.

It began when you heard voices coming from the second floor, an outburst of laughter, your mother’s laughter, and then the laugh that echoed so many times in your dreams, were you still in a dream? You thought you might be in one when you entered the kitchen and saw the long figure of the man, the long figure of Yoongi, sitting on a stool as he peeled a tangerine and listened to your mother talk, but the minute they noticed your presence they fell silent.

Two pairs of eyes landed on your sleepy face, making you aware that you were wearing your old pajamas, the one that was pink and had a bunny pattern all over it. You locked eyes with him and it felt like it hadn't passed a day since the last time you saw him.

“What are you two gossiping about so early?” You wondered out loud, slowly approaching the aisle of the kitchen, slowly approaching Yoongi, whose hair was slightly shorter from the last time you saw him and whose cheeks were still red from the cold outside. You arrived three days ago, confidently thinking that even if your mind was a mess at least you didn't have to see your brother's best friend's face.

In your mind, you cursed your mom for always telling him that he will be forever welcomed in her house.

“Why do you care?” He spat at you, following your figure with his eyes as you sat in one of the stools beside him. “That’s between your mom and me.”

“Dude,” You said under your breath, grabbing a tangerine from the bowl of fruits in front of you “You have to get a fucking girlfriend.”

Your mother frowned, annoyed, but Yoongi is too used to you to do anything else but laugh.

“God, darling, you barely open your eyes and you’re already cursing.” She complained, shaking her head in disapproval. You shrugged, pretending to pay full attention to the tangerine in your hands.

“It’s fine, Lila. I can handle her.” He said, carefree as ever.

You scoffed, “Yeah, sure.” You played it cool, as if that didn’t make your heart jump a little. “What are you doing here, anyway? Weren’t you supposed to come back for christmas?”

“Why?” He asked, “You want me gone?”

You saw a stupid smirk appear in his face, the same one you’ve seen countless times in the past. It seemed to be the only thing that could put out your cocky attitude.

“Don’t be stupid.” You managed to answer, running away from his eyes.

You heard him sigh “I finished early, I arrived last night.” He answered the question, reaching his hand under the counter to pinch your thigh, as if that could shake off your bad attitude, plot twist: it only made it worse. “That’s what I was talking about with your mom, I left Simon behind while he was still dealing with exams.”

“Such a good friend.” You joked.

“Maybe… But hey, he’s the one who ditched me for a girl after all.”

“Well, if it’s a pretty girl you can’t blame him so much.”

“If you say so…” He hissed, rolling his eyes “What about you, huh?” He changed the topic “What are you doing here two weeks early?”

“You see, this is my house.” You quickly replied, putting the first tangerine segment between your lips to avoid saying the truth. He narrowed his eyes, shaking his head.

Of course there was a coherent reason for why you weren’t in school right now, but since you arrived you couldn’t seem to quit the bad attitude, especially in the mornings, it was driving you crazy.

“You shouldn’t ask, dear.” Your mom intervened, turning around to wash her mug previously filled with coffee “Sensitive topic.”

Yoongi’s eyes shifted to you again, as well as his whole body, curiously raising his eyebrows.

“Sensitive topic.” You mocked your mother, annoyed that she used such words. She was quick to disappear from the kitchen, leaving the two of you alone. You wondered if she was already tired of hearing you whine.

“Don’t think I won’t ask you about it.” He smirked, stealing a segment of your tangerine just to annoy you.

Oh, you were sure he would want all the details.

“Whatever.” You gritted your teeth. “You only came to see Lila? I bet she would love to switch you with me.”

“I don’t doubt that.” Yoongi smugly said, ignoring the sudden annoyed look on your face, he was too used to it to be bothered by it. “But as much as I love your mom, I came to see you.”

You blinked, not sure what to say next. Now your angry expression turned into a surprised one, cursing yourself for feeling excited to hear that. You knew Yoongi finished early and was coming back home, you asked your brother about it last time he called you, you were just playing dumb when you asked, but when Simon told you he was going to be in town you didn’t expect to see him in your house the next day he arrived.

“Me?” You tried to confirm.

“Yeah, you.” He said, booping the tip of your nose “Simon told me you’ve been having trouble with your car, I thought I could help.”

You nodded, that made more sense than him just coming to see you.

“Simon is such a snitch.” You murmured.

“I can’t deny that…” He laughed, looking at you tearing apart your tangerine and putting another segment between your lips, “Do you… want me to help?”

“Maybe…” You murmured “Do I have to pay you?”

“Maybe…” Yoongi answered, imitating your tone “Or you can just tell me why you are here before the break, I don’t know.”

You squinted at him, knowing it was just a matter of time until everybody found out you dropped out of college, but there was certain relief in delivering the news to Yoongi, something inside you told you he would understand.

“Bold of you to blackmail me when I know you won’t fix my car properly.” You accused him, mentioning that time he tried to fix your brand new car when something happened to it and you had to take it to his uncle’s garage when he made it worse.

“C’mon, that was only once.”

“Let’s not make it twice, then.” You clapped your hands, getting off the stool to walk towards the stairs to your room again “Let me change first. And don’t try to seduce my mom while I’m gone, it won’t work.”

You heard his laugh from behind, and even if you thought about it, you didn’t dare to look back.

Not even five minutes later, you found yourself with him in your cold garage under the dim old light that provided you the tiny room. You supposed it was easier to open the garage door but you didn’t want your fingers to be frozen.

You sat on the old desk in the corner of your garage as you watched Yoongi open the hood of your car, trying not to stare when pulled the sleeves of his sweater up to his elbows.

He was wearing a beige sweater that tightened around his shoulders and his waist, Simon told you that he and Yoongi started going to gym lately and you could tell, his back was wider than you remember and you hated how different he looked from the last time you saw him.

You hated to think there were people who saw him everyday and couldn’t tell the difference.

You looked at your feet hanging in the air, hearing him suck his breath just to let you know he was just about to start throwing questions at you.

“So?” He asked, persistent as always.

“So what?” You played dumb.

“So?” He emphasized, not willing to give up.

So? You didn’t know how to start. Serious talks weren’t your thing, and even if you knew that Yoongi wasn’t expecting that from you, you still felt a rush of nervousness when the absence of his voice filled the room, your cue to start talking.

“Mmm… It’s difficult to explain.” You trailed off. “I’m starting to think that I might be the black sheep of the family.”

Your words made him turn his head at you, curious to hear more.

“The black sheep?” He repeated.

“Yeah, I think so.” You confirmed, without saying anything else.

“Fine…” Yoongi scratched the back of his head, a bit confused, something that was normal when he was with you. “You’re not giving me a lot of context.”

You knew this, but making a joke was easier than telling the whole truth. You wished you could tell him jokes until he forgot what your mother told him. But no, your mother already opened her mouth and now you had to explain your life crisis to the man in front of you.

“Let’s just say.. I dropped out of the semester…” You mumbled, unsure of your own voice “but I’m thinking that it is not just the semester, maybe it’s the whole thing.”

Yoongi turned his whole body to you, paying full attention to your words “Really?” He asked, just in case you were joking, but by the look in your eyes and the tone of your voice he could tell that you weren’t playing. You just nodded “Why, though?”

“That’s something I’ve been asking myself.”

“You don’t know?” He chuckled, making you roll your eyes.

“Maybe I don’t know.” You tried to admit, but that was a lie.

“Mmm, but I think you do know, though.” He contradicted you, turning around to keep checking your car.

“Well, kind of… Do you want me to tell you half of the truth or a lie?” You offered him, leaving him without many options.

“Well, you are not very democratic, Pinky.” He scoffed, using the not-so-funny nickname he’s been calling you ever since you were kids. Only Yoongi could still be calling you like some character from an old cartoon that aired twenty years ago. “But I choose the half truth.”

“Wise decision, as always.” You commented, clicking your tongue. “The half truth is… that being a nurse is not my thing, I don’t want to be that predictable, being the bitch in highschool that ended up being a nurse. At least I want to be the bitch in high school who ended up being something else. And I was not happy at college, not even a bit. I don’t think that’s who I am”

Yoongi frowned, trying to process all the words you just vomited. If that was half the truth, what was the whole truth?

“Wait, wait. Let’s go for parts.” He stopped you. “So, now you were a bitch in high school?”

“You know I was.” You said, rolling your eyes.

Bitch was a strong word to call yourself, but to be fair you weren't being the nicest with yourself these past weeks. You stared at him, waiting for him to admit that yes, you were a bitch when you were seventeen years old, but that would be a lie. Yoongi would never have called you a bitch, you did have an attitude, you weren’t the friendliest in the mornings, you weren’t friends with everyone, you treated boys like shit, but you weren’t a bitch to him.

“Isn’t that too… harsh?” He asked softly.

“Isn’t it the truth?” You kept pushing it, but you were crazy if you think he’s going to agree with you.

Yoongi shook his head, taking a long step to break the small distance that was between the two of you so he could be in front of you. As a gentle gesture, he put his cold hands on your knees, it was not an unusual gesture, but it had been so long since you had him that close that you couldn’t help but shiver. “I know you don’t like me getting all sappy, but I hope you know that only you get to decide who you are, and if you don’t think that is a nurse, then it’s not.” He rubbed his palms on your clothed skin, searching for his last words. “But, I must say, I don’t think a bitch is who you are either.”

The cold room suddenly turned warm under his gaze, catching you with your guard down once again. You hated when he turned conversations into something like this, and worse, you hated when you bumped into the ugly reality that surrounded you when his eyes stopped looking at yours. This was not easier than last year, you wondered if it will ever be easy.

“Well, the boys in my class might disagree.” You said, looking straight into his eyes.

He laughed. “Well boys at that age are dumb.”

“Boys are always dumb.” You said, crossing your arms over your chest.

“Even me?” He asked, batting his eyelashes at you like he was a little girl.

“Especially you, I bet you don’t know what the hell are you doing right now with my car.”

Yoongi reached out to try to pinch your knees, but you escaped from his fingers. “God, you’re so mean.” He complained

“So mean?” You questioned, moving closer to him and pretending to be annoyed.

“Yeah, so mean” He repeated “But not a bitch.”

You rolled your eyes, watching him turn around again to come back to your car. You can’t help but feel disappointed when he moved away. “So… If you are not a nurse, what are you?”

You tilted your head, thinking about it. What were you? Well, in your room you were a dancer and in your dreams a mermaid, but in reality you were too embarrassed and too afraid, too insecure to admit what “you were”.

“I don’t know.” You hesitated to answer. You loved Yoongi, in more ways that you could ever allow yourself to love him, but you could not tell him all your dreams just like that.

“Liar, liar, pants on fire.” He sang, mocking you, but from your position you could only resist pushing him into your car. “You don’t have to say it, I already know.”

You quirked an eyebrow, curious. “Do you?” A smirk appeared on your face, but he couldn’t see it, he was still working on God knows what.

“Kind of…” He laughed “I don’t know exactly, but I do know that you are too bright to just be a nurse, with all due respect to the nurses, of course.”

You stared at his back until he turned his head to find your eyes, offering you a soft smile. You mentally cursed him, if he hadn’t turned around you could blush like a teenager without care, but now your cheeks were red and your heart was jumping, the only thing you could hope for was that he couldn’t hear it from where he was standing.

“That isn’t very respectful to nurses.” You simply said, and he shook his head, laughing.

“Maybe, but I still stand by what I said.”

“Well, whatever I might be,” You started saying, trying to keep talking with all your feelings still swirling around inside your chest, “I still don’t want to disappoint any more people by making the wrong decision and coming back to live with my mom in six months.”

Yoongi couldn’t help but laugh, not because he was mocking you, but because he couldn’t believe how you couldn’t be at least a little positive, how you were only twenty one and you felt like there was no turning back.

“Who don't you want to disappoint?” He chuckled, “I really thought you didn’t care about that stuff.”

“I thought so too!” You exclaimed, just as surprised as him. “But I already disappointed my mom, Simon will be disappointed too when he finds out, I’m sure.”

“God, you’re so wrong, I don’t even know who I’m talking to right now.” He tried to joke, but the feeling of emptiness that had been living in your stomach for the past months didn’t go away just like that. “Do you really think that about your mom?”

“I don’t know!” You said, throwing your arms in the air to be just a little more dramatic that you were already being “But when I told her she made that face that she does when she’s annoyed or upset, now she wants to talk to me about the future every time we sit down to eat, she looks at me like that all the time, like she’s mad with me or something.”

For the past few days you tried to understand your mom, but you failed when you tried to understand yourself. After Simon followed Yoongi to law school, your mom expected you to do something similar, and when you decided to be a nurse she was content enough, both of her kids were off to college now, nothing could go wrong.

Your mom always bragged that she knew you like the palm of her hand, the only conclusion she could reach when you appeared at your house with the news was that you were never happy with what you had, you always had to have something else, something you couldn’t have. And even if you were about to be mature enough to admit she was right, you knew she wasn’t completely. Yes, you were a brat, but you felt in your heart this time was different.

“C’mon, Pinky. I don’t think your mom is disappointed, I’m sure she is just confused. You were two years into college, she must think this came out of nowhere, she’ll have time to understand that it didn’t.” He turned around a pointed a tool hanging on the wall, you didn’t knew the name of it, or what the fuck he was doing with your car, but you handed it to him anyway. “And, she’ll have even more time to understand that you’re not Simon and that her children are two completely different people.”

“Do you think?” You murmured.

“Yes, dummy. And you’re crazy if you think your brother would ever be disappointed in you for something like that, he is the first person that supports you no matter what, he’ll understand that dropping out of college is not the end of the world.”

You stayed in silence, not daring to say a single word after what he said. You wanted to say that you were tired of all of that, how predictable Yoongi was, how terribly annoying it was for him to always be right. How was it that he always knew what to say? Was it so hard for him to be wrong at least once so you could argue with him? So you could correct him and tell him that he was saying nonsense? Yes, it was. You just rolled your eyes, even if he wasn’t watching you.

“You’re insufferable.” You said, when what you really wanted to say was just “thank you”, but he understood.

“Maybe I am.” He laughed, “But at least I’m not the one trying to find excuses to be miserable.”

You watched him put the tools aside and closed the hood of your car, but you were too focused on something else to ask if your car was okay or not. He grabbed a piece of cloth lying next to you and wiped his hands, “What about my grandma?” You wondered out loud, like he knew what to do about that as well.

“You’re seriously not thinking about your grandma right now.” He leaned over your car, with his arms crossed over his chest while shaking his head disapprovingly. If it was any other guy doing that, you would have told him to get the fuck away from your car, but Yoongi still had his sleeves rolled up, which made you think it was okay for now.

“But I am.” You answered “I can already picture her face when she finds out, I can already hear the comments of her neighbor’s daughter, how she’s on her fourth year of medicine and I’m going back to square one again or some shit like that. The worst thing is that Simon is not here, so I’ll have to endure all of that alone.”

Yoongi was run by logic most of the time, so it was hard for him to understand how fast your imagination flew, but he knew that was part of your very theatrical self. It wouldn’t hurt him to become a little more like you, maybe being a rational person made him more intelligent, but sometimes made him more of a fool.

“And since when do you care what your grandma thinks?” He laughed, “She will always have something to complain about, to impress her you would have to be born again, but this time blonde and with blue eyes. Do I need to remind you again, that woman doesn’t have a loving bone in her body?”

“God, stop.” You sighed, fully knowing he was right.

“You stop.” He laughed, “Stop trying to make everyone happy but yourself.”

“Well, maybe that’s the hardest thing to do.” You murmured.

“Getting your shit together is the hardest thing to do, but I’m sure you’ll get there.”

Believing Yoongi surely is not the hardest thing to do for you, but when it comes to believing in yourself is a whole different thing.

“Says the man who always has his shit together.” You snorted “Difficult to believe you.”

Yoongi rolled his eyes, moving from your car to sit next to you on top of the uncomfortable desk “That’s not true.” He tried to deny it.

“Yeah, sure.” You bumped his shoulder “Name one time you couldn’t balance your personal life with your academic life.”

Yoongi straightened his back, crossing his arms over his chest and pretending to think about it.

“Mmm… Right now?” He murmured.

“Right now?” You repeated, raising your eyebrows in disbelief.

“Yeah, look at me.” He pointed at himself. “I don’t think I have a personal life at this point, all I could think about was finishing early to come home to my mom so I could take care of her, and guess what?”

“What?” You asked, curiously.

“She told me she already planned a trip with my aunt for both Christmas and new years. She ditched me, and now? I’m alone, I’m starting to think my personal life was just my mom.”

You covered your mouth, not being able to hold yourself back before bursting in laughter. “She ditched you?” You laughed, but he nodded, annoyed that you’re laughing at him. “Oh my God, she got rid of you.”

“She got rid of me.” He affirmed.

“Lucky her, honestly.” You teased him “Isn’t that proof enough that you have to relax with her? You’re in college worrying about her health and she’s here organizing trips with her sister.”

Yoongi shook his head, still in denial, “Maybe, but she can’t do things like this without letting me know first.”

“Why not?” You scoffed “She’s an adult, isn’t she?”

“She’s an adult, but I’m her son.” He huffed “And that’s all I’ve ever known to do, care for her.”

“Well, you can take care of her at the same time you take care of yourself.” You reminded him “I’m sure that’s what your mom wants as well, she would be pissed to know you’re forgetting about your own life being busy worrying about her.”

Yoongi knew you were right, he knew that more than anyone but still couldn’t help but worry about his mom. She had her siblings, who always knew how to take care of her, but he always felt like it was his responsibility as her son to do it, no one could take that thought off his mind. The only reason he brought it up was because you asked, but it was not a thing he wanted to discuss right now, he could put his social life on pause if that meant his mom was going to be okay.

He turned his head at you, offering you an amused grin as he ruffled your hair with his hand, willing to change the topic. “Why are you scolding me? I’m supposed to scold you.”

You pushed his hand off you, “I don’t need you to scold me, I have enough with my mom.” You sighed “Besides, if it were a competition, I would win. At least you have a future, I’m more fucked than you.”

“No, yeah. I’m sure of that.” He teased you back “You just have to make up your mind, I know it’s a mess inside there but I believe you can do it.”

“I hope so.” You said, and this time your words are sincere. “But for now the plan is to survive the holidays, then I can get my shit together.”

Yoongi laughed, sitting next to you on top of the uncomfortable desk. “Sounds like a good plan to me.” He agreed. “And you know, about christmas…”

“What about christmas?” You asked, at the risk of looking so visibly lost in his eyes.

“I was thinking… Since I don’t have any plans for Christmas…” He hesitated to say, lengthening the syllables of his words. “I was thinking… If you want to, I can go with you in place of your brother. You know, so you won’t be alone.”

The offering took you off guard, among all the things Yoongi could tell you, (the realistic ones, not the ones that only happened in your dreams) that was the most surprising. You had spent Christmas with Yoongi in the past, but your heart jumped at the thought of him spending Christmas with you, and not with your brother. Was he serious?

“Really?” You asked, afraid that he could see the excitement in your eyes “Would you do that?”

“Of course.” He smiled, “We can talk shit about your grandma together.”

You can hardly hide the smile on your face, you have to suppress the immense urge you have to hug him. “In that case, I would love it if you come.” You dared to admit “I mean, you owe me that for fucking up my car again.” You pointed at your car, already knowing that he couldn’t fix it.

He closed his eyes shut, throwing his head back “God, I’m sorry.”

Present

You had been wishing to sleep in your childhood bedroom for the past two months. You had been wishing to lay under the baby blue covers, have your mom kiss you goodnight and sleep a nap long enough to heal your heart.

You had been feeling like you were thirteen again for the whole year, thirteen and completely clueless, thirteen and scared, running home because you just saw your brother’s best friend kissing a girl at the bus stop, hiding under the covers and trying to forget that you were thirteen and there was no way he could ever see you the same way as that girl.

The last time that you visited your mom’s house was a year ago. You texted her every week, sent her and your brother gifts and tickets so they could see you in the current play you were in, but visiting her house was harder than it looked for you. You managed to come once every few years for thanksgiving, telling your mom that you were busy and that theater life was like that, but the truth was that after so many years you still couldn’t find the courage to spend more than two days in the town you grew up in, not after everything, not after Yoongi.

After so long, you were back where you started, running home after hitting a wall. The life you built with your own hands, the life that was supposed to be your dream turned out to be a lie, the boyfriend of three years you thought you loved was now gone, and the only person who ended up breaking your heart was yourself.

When was the moment you stopped calling you brother every three days? Or when you stopped showing up at every birthday? When was the moment you got so far from the person you used to be? You weren’t thirteen anymore, you were twenty five and just now you realized that no matter how many shiny people you have around, you are still alone and far from home.

Now you were headed home, with a bag full of clothes in the trunk of your car, prepared to install yourself in your mom’s house for the rest of the winter, determined to get your shit together, just like you thought you did a few years ago. Oh, how you wished you didn’t have to do this, how you wished you weren’t a complete mess. You wished you could enter your mother’s home and ignore the fact that you didn’t remember when was the last time you told her I love you, but to be fair with yourself, you didn’t remember the last time someone told you I love you either.

Your mom knew you were coming, she was the first one who knew about your break up with Ian, your boyfriend, so she was assuming that you were sad and heart broken, and even if that was true, it wasn’t because of the break up, you were the one who left him.

You didn’t know why, but you assumed that Ian understood what your relationship was, a sad pact that benefited both of your acting careers, a good image for the media, both of the most successful young actors being allegedly in love, and for you, just an arrangement to avoid being alone. How surprised you were when he got down on one knee and proposed, with his mom’s ring on one hand and a bunch of your so-called friends hiding in the distance, preparing to celebrate when you were supposed to say ‘yes’. He had a smile on his face, convinced that wasn’t the worst idea that ever crossed his mind. You thought it was clear that you never wanted to marry him, you believed you found someone who loved you enough not to leave you alone but not enough to marry you. God, you sounded crazy, but that was what you became, a superficial celebrity whose whole life was calculated enough so people thought it was perfect.

You felt like shit when you had to say no to Ian, but you had no other option. Everything was so fake it made you want to throw up, and on top of that, he was the asshole who didn’t even bother to invite your family to, what was supposed to be, your engagement party. If you were to say yes, where was your mom to hug you? Or to tell you that you were being mental for marrying someone you didn’t love? That was the moment when you knew you were about to lose it, that’s when you knew that if you stayed there you would’ve lost your mind, and you were so close to doing it, the only thing that finally woke you up was a marriage proposal.

You turned right, immediately recognizing you were close to home. You had to start doing things right, but where do you begin?

Four years ago

When you arrived home, the realization that almost every person in your life had found someone except you hit you. It started when your best friend, Emma, finally got a girlfriend last summer, then it followed with your brother spending the holidays with his new girlfriend, and now, to your complete surprise, you had to find out that even your mother was seeing someone for the first time in years.

Yes, at first you thought it was going be to weird to see your mother leaving you every afternoon to have dinner with her new boyfriend, -whom she refused to present to you just yet-, but after the first week of cooking for yourself to sit in the kitchen island and eating while watching a random youtube video, you realized it was not weird, but it was making you feel extremely lonely. Love seemed to be everywhere around you, but not for you.

That afternoon you helped her do the groceries, but she had already warned you that, once again, you were going to have to cook for yourself since she was not going to be around tonight.

All your friends from home were still away and they weren’t coming back for another two weeks, so you were almost completely alone in your hometown. And without you wanting it, only one particular name swirled in your mind, wondering if he was as lonely as you were, which he probably was, but you didn’t want any part of it. You were still trying not to look around too much in the grocery line hoping to see a familiar face, forcing yourself not to look up when you knew you were passing his street. You promised that you weren’t going to wait to see him again, as if that way you could prove something to yourself.

You expected Yoongi to disappear only to see him again the day before Christmas, you were sure he wasn’t going to appear at your doorstep like that morning, it wasn’t going to happen, you convinced yourself of it. Because of that, on the way home when you were riding in your mom’s car as you came back from the store, you thought that maybe you were just hallucinating when you saw him waiting in your driveway.

Your mom got down from the car first, you watched her giving him a hug and then observed them talking, you were sure he was going to offer to help with the bags and you were sure your mom was going to smile and accept his help. Your mom loved Yoongi, and Yoongi loved your mom, you could see it. When Yoongi was a kid and his mother had to spend long days at the hospital your mom always opened the doors of your house so he wouldn’t be alone. Like you, Yoongi grew up without a dad, so his mom was lucky to have your mom to look out for him when she wasn’t around.

You mustered courage and got down, surrounding the car to get to the trunk where the bags were and finding him with his arms already busy.

“Hi, Pinky.” He let out and in the cold you could see his breath. His nose was red and his eyes crystallized from the weather.

You barely got to open your mouth to greet him before your mom spoke. “Yoongi was looking for you.” She told you as she headed to the porch.

“Really?” You wanted to know, just in case your mom was lying, for some reason.

“Yeah, really.” He answered, watching you grab the last two bags and closing the trunk of the car. “Do you have any plans tonight?”

Your heels suddenly dug into the ground, making you stop dead to check if you heard that right. Yoongi didn’t notice, he started to walk backwards, heading towards the door as he looked at you and invited you to follow him. You took the first step, not knowing what to say, not knowing how to react. Did you have any plans tonight? For a second your mind went blank, completely forgetting you had a date with Robert Pattinson as Edward Cullen in Breaking Dawn at nine pm.

You avoid his gaze, trying to come up with an answer. “Do you have any friends?” You asked. Classic you, insulting him in case he noticed your face was two seconds away from burning red. You heard your mom grunt as she entered through the door, but Yoongi just laughed.

“Do you?” He attacked back, smirking “Going to the store with your mom on a friday night, I thought you were popular in high school.”

“I was not, you must have confused me with my brother, we have the same nose.” You scoffed, walking with him to your house “And I do have friends, they’re just not around.”

“So you don’t have plans.” Yoongi confirmed for himself, letting you enter through the door first.

“No, not really.” You admitted, leading him to the kitchen to leave the bags on the counter. “Why? Did you want to take me out?”

The question was intended to come out as a joke, but it burned on your tongue. You often tortured yourself with those kinds of comments, but his answer was worse than any kind of cruel joke you could’ve made to yourself.

“Yes.” He said, leaving his bags next to yours. “That’s what I was thinking before you made fun of me for not having friends.”

You stayed quiet, pretending to look for something in the bags, pretending you weren’t screaming in your mind. Why on earth was he here? Why was he torturing you this way? You were enough of a mess, the last thing you needed was this, bringing you more torment than you already had.

You sighed, quickly coming up with another answer “Sorry I can’t retract myself.” You said. “But what were you thinking that was so important for you to come to my house instead of texting?”

“I was afraid that if I texted you would’ve said no.” He admitted.

You arched an eyebrow “Why?” You questioned.

“Because… I saw that the theater is doing a Christmas special, and they’re showing Home Alone tonight.”

“Which theater?” You asked, but you were fully aware which one was.

“You know, the one near the park with the weird fountains.” He said, confirming what you were thinking.

You wondered what to say next. There you had Yoongi, inviting you to watch a movie with him, ‒your favorite movie to be more specific‒ but at the place you used to secretly go to theater classes when you were thirteen until you finished highschool. You knew the place had those kinds of events where they showed old movies following a theme, as Christmas approached they never failed to show Home Alone as many times as they could.

Would it be so bad for him to find out that you used to be obsessed, maybe still were, with musicals? You never told him about that, let alone about the classes, that was something you used to keep to yourself and no one else, so going out with him meant to out yourself to him. It was inevitable for people to recognize you there, you knew a lot of your friends from back then were still very attached to the place, unlike you, who decided to leave everything behind once you left for college to be someone you didn’t want to be.

“I don’t know, I allow myself to watch Home Alone only once a year.” You tried to excuse yourself.

“I know that, that’s why I came here instead of texting” He said, “But I’ve come up with a solution, I tell you this, we can go and watch Home Alone tonight, and on Christmas we watch Home Alone 2.” He offered, but you felt offended he even dared to mention Home Alone 2.

“I don’t like Home Alone 2.” You reminded him. “I think it’s un-”

“Unrealistic that they lose Kevin twice, yeah, yeah, I know!” He interrupted you, stealing the words from your mouth. “But I like Home Alone 2, I think it’s still a good Christmas movie.” You stared at him with narrowed eyes, pretending to think about it, as if your heart was strong enough to even try to say no to him, even if that meant you had to go back to the place where you used to be a completely different person from who you were in school, and most importantly, even if that meant you would have to watch Home Alone 2. It was painful to admit that you already knew your answer when you saw him in your driveway. “Don’t be boring, Pinky. I’ve already got tickets.”

Just for a moment, while the dim lights of your kitchen lighted up his eyes as they begged you to go with him, you wished you had plans that evening already. You took a second to imagine a scenario where you told him that you weren’t free that night, that someone was going to pick you up later. You tried to imagine his face when you told him that you were in fact going out on a date with some other dude and pictured him heartbroken because you rejected him. But of course that wasn’t the case, your friends from college used to joke around and say that men ran away from you and only the brave ones were capable of asking you out, there was no way you were going out with someone who knew you in high school. And even if that were true, you lived in a reality where Yoongi wouldn’t flinch if you told him you were going out with someone else, a reality where you could never reject him. There was a part of you who enjoyed the pain of coming back to him, of being around him and living with the knowledge that at some point you'll have to get over him.

“Fine.” You finally gave in “I guess I could watch Home Alone 2 on Christmas”

He smiled victoriously, raising his fists in the air like he won some trophy.

You didn’t know what was worse, whether to have him around or not see him at all, you knew that the safest option was not seeing him, but your poor heart didn’t seem to understand that it was for the best.

Present

When you parked your car, you realized you didn’t have the keys to your house anymore. You were sure they were somewhere in your apartment back in the city, but even if you had remembered to look for them, you wouldn’t have found them, you had no idea where they were. It has been a long time since you thought about putting foot in your home, your real home, not the one back in the city, with countless empty rooms you had never used. They keys to your home, where were they? You bitterly laughed as you walked towards the porch, with your bags in your hands and your heart on your sleeve, that was how disconnected to the place where you grew up in you were.

The little pumpkins your mom put on the porch reminded you that the last time you were home was also october. The play you were in last fall was just about to end and you visited home for a weekend just to ask your mom to go and see you for your final performance. You remembered how angry you felt when she told you she and Phil, her boyfriend, had already planned a trip to Scotland for that same weekend. It took you a whole year ‒or even more‒ to realize that while you were busy living your life, your family was doing the same thing, you disappeared for months and they had no other choice but to keep going without you.

You stood in front of the big wood door for a few seconds, feeling like some prodigal daughter, until you decided to finally ring the bell.

As soon as your mom opened the door and you caught the surprised look on her face, you knew you weren’t supposed to be there, at least not yet.

“Darling! What…?” She breathed out as if she had seen a ghost, but to be fair you weren't far from looking like one, you didn’t remember the last time you had a proper sleep. “What are you doing here?”

You shrugged, not knowing if she was joking “I called you on the phone last month, don’t you remember?” You asked. The surprise on your mom’s face morphed into confusion, and for some reason it made your chest hurt a little.

“You told me you were coming Friday the 5th.” She said, but she didn’t move from the door, as if you were about to turn around, leave and come back for the date she thought you were coming.

“That’s… today.” You reminded her.

She frowned, raising her left arm to check the apple watch on her wrist, the one you gave her as a present for mother’s day a few months ago, immediately realizing that you were right. “God, where’s my mind?” She exclaimed, cleaning her hands on the apron she was wearing to grab one of your bags from your hand, finally leaning back to let you in. “Sorry darling, I don’t know what I was thinking when you called me.”

“It’s okay.” You said, more to yourself than to her, closing the door behind you “These days my mind is nowhere near, either.”

“No, it’s not okay. I can’t believe it flew over my head like that.” She kept complaining, taking off your coat for you to hang it on the coat rack “Do you have any more bags?”

You nodded “In the car.”

“Okay, let’s go grab them later.” She said, turning around to head towards the kitchen with a quick pace. “Follow me darling, I’m about to finish cooking, you arrived just in time for lunch.”

Well, your mom always seemed to be in a hurry, she was like every other mom after all, but today she looked more rushed than usual, making you wonder if your arrival was that unexpected, did you suddenly ruin her Friday just by appearing at her doorstep? The answer wasn’t clear to you, when she turned around you lost the chance to say that she shouldn’t worry since you were planning to spend the whole weekend in your room.. Now you were just trying not to look disappointed when she didn’t give you a hug as she disappeared into the kitchen.

You followed her, taking off your converse and throwing them somewhere in the hall. Your mom had enough energy for you both, it was like she forgot that you had been driving all morning to get there, maybe she thought you arrived on a jet, you didn’t know. You thought your tired face was sign enough that all you needed was a hot shower and a long nap.

“What am I gonna do?” She murmured to herself, still trying to wrap her head around the fact that you were there earlier. “Your room isn’t ready yet!”

You scowled, sitting on one of the kitchen stools. “What do you mean my room isn’t ready?”

“We’ve been using it as a storage room lately, until Phil adjusts himself.” She told you, but you didn’t understand a word she said. Storage room? Why was your mom’s boyfriend using your bedroom as a storage room?

“Mom, what are you talking about?”

“I’m sure I told you!”

You shook your head “Tell me what?”

She tilted her head with her mouth hanging open. You visibly saw her trying to remember something, filling the room with silence. Then, it hit her, her silence suddenly broke into laughter, she realized that, whatever was she was talking about, she didn’t tell you, you just didn’t know what. “Darling, Phil moved in september, how come we didn’t talk about this?” She let out, wondering out loud. “We are still getting the hang of it, he still has a lot of boxes, we decided to put it in your room for now.” She explained, like it was nothing, but you knew it wasn’t. It took her a long time before she introduced you to Phil, she always made it clear to him that her priority was her kids, so it was a big step for her to let Phil move in.

You shook your head, immediately avoiding her gaze when you felt a sudden rush of guilt washing over your body when you tried to remember when was the last time you spoke with your mom on the phone apart from last month, when you told her you were coming today.

“Oh, mom, I had no idea.” You said as if you were apologizing, you kinda were. “I’m gonna start looking for somewhere else to crash, I still don’t know for how long I’m staying.”

She waved her hands, rushing to interrupt you “My God, sweetie, no! You know you can stay here for as long as you want, this is your house!” She said, but you struggled to believe her “But I really thought you were coming next Friday! When was your last show?”

God, the last thing you wanted to think about now was work.

“Just last week.” You replied, hoping that she wouldn't want to comment too much about it.

“How was it?” She continued to ask, going against your wishes.

Terrible, you wanted to say, you couldn’t wait to get off the stage. You did your job and you left, all your partners begged you to stay for the after party but you were exhausted, you left as soon as you could. That was supposed to be an important moment for you, the wrap up of your first main role, a clear achievement of your short career. After you did the first show of the season you went to bed wishing it could last forever, but last week you were just relieved that it finally ended.

You wouldn’t tell that to your mom, you didn’t want to worry her, so you just told her a little white lie.

“Oh, it was great.” You smiled, hoping that in that way it would be more believable. “I had a great time, but I needed to come back home for a while.”

“Well, you worked hard, now you deserve to rest” She said “And besides that… how have you been, huh?” She asked with a soft voice, making you raise your gaze to find her warm eyes and a warm smile. You failed to remember that you couldn’t lie to your mom, she always saw through you, and to be honest she would be a fool not to notice the tired look on your face. It bothered you just a bit that the main reason why she was asking about it was because of the breakup.

“Why, because of Ian?” You asked.

“No just because of him, just… how have you been about everything?”

“Well, fine, I think so.” You kept lying “Me and him… I don’t know, I don’t think I felt the same way about him anymore, I had to end it, I’m sure he deserves someone who feels the same, right?”

She hummed, not really convinced. “You deserve someone like that, too, don’t you think?”

“Maybe.” You sighed “But that topic gives me headaches.”

Your mother snorted, “Well, don’t expect me to be satisfied with that answer, after you take a nap I’m gonna ask you all about that.”

“How nosy.” You chuckled. “You just want to talk shit about your ex son in law.”

“Of course, don’t act like you don’t want to do that too, I know you too well.” You rolled your eyes, but of course she was right. “Anyway, since I thought you were coming next week I planned a dinner for tonight with everyone, they’ll be so happy to see you, but you know, I understand if you want to skip it with everything that’s happening, I’m sure no one will ask about it, but still. You came here to be alone so I don’t want you to feel overwhelmed around a lot of people.”

“Ask about what? The news isn’t out yet” You asked, confused.

Your mom turned around again, looking as confused as you. “Haven’t you checked your phone today?” She asked cautiously.

“No, it died a few hours ago. I haven't had the chance to charge it in the car.” Your words made her confused expression fade into a concerned one.

“Darling, you might want to check it now.” She pointed to the charger that was connected next to the fridge. The look on her face could only mean that something wasn’t okay.

You slowly got off the stool, heading towards the other side of the room as you took your phone from your pocket to connect it to the charger. You knew it was just a matter of time until people found out that you and Ian broke up, but you thought the news would’ve be handled the same way as always, a statement from both you, the only reason why you didn’t do it yet was because you and Ian weren’t talking since the proposal happened.

When your phone finally turned on, a rush of anxiety ran down your body when a thousand notifications began to appear on the screen, including fifty missed calls from both your manager and publicist, you had a feeling that maybe the situation was worse than you thought. “What the fuck happened?” You murmured to yourself, looking at your mother in search for answers. “Did Sally call you?” You asked her, fully knowing that Sally, your manager, had strict orders not to bother anyone in your family with calls about anything related to work.

The room suddenly fell in silence, your mom hesitated to answer, you knew she didn’t want to be the one to give you bad news.

“No, but a friend of mine sent me an article.” She explained, her voice suddenly sounding small. “I didn’t read it, you know, I didn’t even open it, I don’t like gossip.”

Your mind tried to put two and two together; missed calls from your manager, an article about you, gossip, that didn’t sound fucking right.

“Fuck, I have to call her.” You gritted your teeth, wasting no time marking her number. You felt your head swirling just by imagining the sound of her voice yelling at you for not answering her calls.

Less than five seconds later, like she was waiting by the phone, she picked up. “Fucking finally.” Was the first thing you heard, “Where the fuck were you?”

The irritated tone on her voice took you by surprise, making you jump in you place “Driving, for four fucking hours.” You rushed to say “My phone was dead, what is going on?”

You heard her inhale, trying to keep her calm “Every single person in the world is trying to reach me right now except you. It’s a mess.”

“What?” You try not to yell “I just got home, I don’t know what’s happening.”

“Honey, it got leaked, has no one told you yet?”

Then, a beat of silence. The stress on her voice is enough to make you believe her, you didn’t have to think twice. Of course something like this was going to happen to you, you couldn’t run away from the city and pretend everything behind was going to stay as it was, your life from six hours ago was still there, and it was still a fucking mess.

“What part?” Was the only thing you could say. You felt yourself entering a cloud of uncertainty, your fist clenched on your lap and while you listened to her sighing, preparing you for the answer, you held your breath as if that way you could stop time.

“Everything.” She spat. “Listen, I didn’t want to freak you out with this, I tried to keep this situation on the low but it happened anyway. The story’s out, pictures are out, every fucking thing is out.”

You suddenly tense, feeling your heart dropping to the pit of your stomach

“What? What do you-?” You stuttered.

“I know you didn’t want anyone to find out about the proposal but it's the main headline, sweetie.”

Sally is not someone who’s known for sugarcoating her words, she was straightforward and didn’t mind being the person who delivered bad news, but today you could tell she was especially stressed, you were sure she was trying to handle this issue alone with you being gone for hours.

“Fuck.” You hissed “What about him, have you called his manager?”

“Of course I called his manager, but all of a sudden that prick doesn’t want to collaborate with me on this, apparently Ian doesn’t fucking care, how about that?”

“How come he doesn’t care?” You asked exasperatedly.

“That’s the idea that I got when his manager told me to manage this issue myself.”

You pinched the bridge of your nose, taking a deep breath as you took a moment to think about it. You knew Ian well enough, but you always held onto a kind version of him, the version of him who made you stay for so long, the version of him you chose to remember so your memories weren't all bad, but that version made you felt guilty for the question that was rotting on your mouth, waiting to be spat.

“Do you think it was him?” You asked her, but her bitter laugh on the other line made you realize it wasn’t a difficult question to answer.

“I mean, would that be so crazy?” She said “You and I are pretty sure who called the people to take those pictures. He's not happy, honey, to him this is just payback for what you did.”

That word echoed in your mind for longer than you would’ve wanted to, was that the way he decided to put this to an end? Payback?

Four weeks ago, you thought that was it. When you were at the backyard of the house of Ian’s grandparents and you saw him on his knees, asking you to marry him, you thought that was the moment when every bad decision you ever made caught up to you, when everything exploded in your face. Now you realized it didn’t end there, everything you’ve done still has consequences.

You closed your eyes, trying to ignore your mom’s eyes in the back of your neck. You left the room, coming back to the hall so you could be alone. You couldn’t just hang the phone and pretend none of that happened, as tempting as it sounded, you had to take care of it. “Okay, now what? Can you clean it?”

“I’ve been trying, but it can’t disappear, you know? It’s been up for a few hours.” She replied.

You nodded, as if she could see you “Okay, listen, it doesn’t matter. I can’t deal with this right now, I don’t care where it came from, I don’t care how the pictures look, what people are saying, I don’t want to know any of it. If people saw it, I don’t give a fuck, it’s me who doesn’t want to see it.” You firmly said “If the story’s out, fine, but I don’t want any major media posting the pictures, can you do that?”

You heard her humming “Mmm, are you sure you want to handle it in that way? No statement to the media? No post on instagram? Just radio silence?”

The thought of making a statement about your relationship in public made you want to throw up, “Are you kidding?” You laughed “There’s no way I’m making a statement about this if you can’t even get Ian’s manager on the phone for him to do the same. If I say anything about this and he stays quiet I’m going to look worse of a villain than I already am for rejecting him.”

“Honey, I don’t think you understand this.” She stopped you, “This isn’t just news that you broke up, this is news that he proposed to his girlfriend of three years and she said fucking no, a.k.a a scandal.”

You rolled your eyes, wanting to curse her for treating you like a five year old child. “No, hear me out, I’m not playing his game anymore.”

“You’re not the one who’s playing his game, he’s the one playing in yours.” She emphasized, “Let me be clear with this, and I’m trying to be nice even though I’ve been working all morning to get this to disappear just for you. You were the one who decided that the relationship was going to have this kind of publicity, you can’t back down now. This could harm your image, you need to make a statement whether he does the same or not.”

You stopped for a second, hating how right she was. Every bit of your relationship with Ian was out to the public, that was the whole point of it from the beginning. Your image as an actress wasn’t entirely constructed by your work, you took charge into making every piece of your private life part of it too, you sold it of your life to the public. After so many years of sharing everything with the media and fans, you knew it would be strange to stay in silence now, but in a matter of seconds the words piled up in your mind, making you see how ridiculously soulless a statement like that would look, lying about how much love and respect you held for Ian but at the end it didn’t work out, that you decided to stay as friends since you still loved each other so much, when the truth was that he was the one who leaked the pictures in the first place.

You were once again reminded to face the consequences, and that was what you were about to do.

“Sorry, Sally, but I'm not making a statement.” You let out, nervously tapping your foot against the floor “I started it, you’re right, but now I’ve decided to end this here. This is my private life we’re talking about, let me keep this thing to myself. The only thing that they need to know is that we’re no longer together, and from now on the only information they’ll get of me is about my work, are we clear?”

Your whole body shook in anticipation, expecting her to yell at you and tell you to do whatever she said, because you knew she knew better. You hoped she somehow didn’t see through your mask, you weren’t as hard as you wanted to sound, you weren’t as confident as you wanted to be. For years working with her you trusted her advice against all odds, and you knew she always meant well, she was just doing her job, but at this exact moment in your life you needed to stay silent.

She hesitated to answer, battling with herself and the love she had for you. “Look kid,” She said “I’m going to let you do what you want, but if this doesn’t end well I’m going to look for you in whatever farm you’re staying in right now and I’m going to strangle you, now are we clear?” She asked, repeating your last words.

It took you a second to understand what she just said, you felt so anxious you didn’t understand if she was giving you a green light or not. When you snapped out of it, you realized it was the closest you’ve felt to be relieved.

“We are clear.” You confirmed.

“I sure hope so.” You heard her sighing once again “I’ll make it disappear and you make sure to keep your phone close in case something happens. Can you do that?”

“Yeah, sure, I’m sorry for the trouble.”

“It’s fine.” She brushed it off “At least you’re not dead, I would’ve felt guilty for cursing you so much.”

“God, maybe the news of my death would make the news about the proposal disappear.” You tried to joke, fighting against the horrible feeling you still had on your stomach.

“Okay, kid. I’m hanging up before you get more morbid. Take care, okay?”

You chuckled quietly, “Thank you, Sally” You said before she hung up “Really, I appreciate it.”

The call ended, leaving your ears ringing and your heart hammering against your chest. You stayed in the hall, sitting on the first steps of the stairs and trying to make sense of what just happened.

You were aware that Ian was angry at you, you couldn’t tell if you broke his heart but you knew that you hurt his ego, and somehow that was worse. You had to admit that your ego was as big as his, so you understood he had to do the same thing to you. Sally was right, you led yourself to this, you managed the circus that was your public life and you were the one who chose him to cover up how miserable you felt. You still felt your blood boiling just by thinking how cruel it was what he did, and at the same time you couldn’t allow yourself to be angry at him because you thought you had it coming.

You thought you were so stupid for thinking that once you got here you were going to be okay, as if you could run away from yourself, as this house was a bunker, protecting you from everything you ever did. Suddenly, you felt all your emotions stacking up your throat, you felt your eyes burning before your whole face was soaked with hot tears of regret, you didn’t even remember when was the last time you cried, that’s how fucked up you were.

You covered your face, sobbing against your palms as you tried to calm yourself, remembering your mom was waiting for you in the kitchen and you had to come back to be a functioning person, but before you could, you heard her steps approaching you, gasping when she found you crying.

“Darling, what happened?” She asked, the concern in her voice made your heart hurt.

You quickly wiped your tears with the sleeves of your sweater as you watched her kneel beside you. “Nothing, just…” You tried to lie, but what was the use of that? She would know, and you were still going to continue carrying the pain on your chest for the rest of the day. You shook your head, feeling her thumbs wiping your tears from your face.

“It doesn’t look like nothing.” She whispered, like it was a secret between the two of you. “It’s about the article, right?” You nodded.

“It’s…” You inhaled, trying to catch your breath. “It’s about more than that.”

And then, the truth. As if you were a criminal caught in the scene of the crime, you had to tell the truth.

After you spent the whole afternoon trying to explain to your mom what was going on with your life, nothing could erase the worried look on her face, looking at you like you were thirteen and you had the flu, wanting to take care of you until it went away.

You felt ashamed, but you couldn’t keep lying to her, not completely at least. You had to tell her that you were never really in love but you felt so alone back in the city, you didn’t have anyone else. Most of your friends were fake, you were tired and sometimes overworked, not even your job was making up for the miserable life you were living anymore. You knew Ian was seeing other women and you couldn’t even find it in yourself to confront him about it, terrified that he’ll leave you in your big apartment alone. Your mom listened with a frown on her face, confused, asking why you never told her, asking why you never called, and you felt so embarrassed, so guilty for disappearing for so long.

“I’m sorry” was the only thing you could say, and even though she waved it off and said that you didn’t have to apologize for anything, you knew that wasn’t real. You had a bunch of this to apologize for, you didn’t even know where to begin.

After a shower, she offered her room for you to take a nap, and as you got into her bed, she sat next to you, hugging you for the first time in months.

You breathed out against her chest, feeling like a kid again around her arms. It was like she was trying to extract the sadness out of your body, and maybe it worked for now.

“You’re still invited to join us for dinner tonight, you know?” She murmured “I know you’re sad but it’s just us, maybe it’ll cheer you up.”

You nodded, “I’ll think about it, is that okay?”

��Of course, darling.” She smiled, kissing your forehead before getting up to leave.

Before she opened the door, you stopped her.

“Wait mom, who’s coming?” You asked before she disappeared from your sight.

She turned to you again, smiling. “Your brother, of course.” She said “He’s bringing Yoongi and his mom, I’m sure they’ll be thrilled to see you.”

You snapped your eyes open, but before your mom could see your reaction she disappeared through the door, leaving you alone and with your heart clenched in your fist.

@kingofbodyrolls @tea4sykes @overtherainbow35 @namin13 @p34rluv @moonchild1 @oukya @yoongisoftface @namgihours @honsoolgloss @idkjustlovingbts @loviyunki @yoongisducky @bangtansmauyeondan @tarahardcore @wobblewobble822 @secfir @ot72025 @baechugff @hopefulchick @heroinanne

#yoongi x reader #yoongi x you #yoongi fanfic #yoongi fanfiction #yoongi one shot #yoongi masterlist #bts masterlist #bts smut #bts x oc #bts x you #bts x reader #bts au fanfic #bts au #min yoongi x reader #min yoongi x oc #min yoongi fanfic

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dumb-bitchass · 7 months

Text

Fight Club~ dating headcanons

a/n. i did NOT know other people were actively reading fight club fics here- thought i was the only one who checked the tags religiously. so anyway thank you guys for liking my first one

☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆

Tyler:

• bro has 𝘱𝘢𝘴𝘴𝘪𝘰𝘯𝘢𝘵𝘦 trademarked

• and probably kinky too so you better be prepared

• literally like the best person to cuddle (it grows on him the longer you date)

• he can def support all your weight and likes to completely envelop you with his arms and body

• this man will protect you with his life 100%

• like seriously if someone even looks at you wrong he will throw hands like nothing

• will end someone if you ask him

• will try to teach you martial arts (will he succeed...? do you know yourself enough to answer that question...?)

• if you deal with the strange behaviors and odd hobbies and likes, he'll deal with yours

• struggles showing any real vulnerable emotion with you

• but he's trying for you, i feel like he has it in him

• but right now he shows he loves you in a more physical way

• you know what i mean

• i also feel like he'd be pretty chill in a real relationship so if you want to go somewhere, watch a certain movie, or play with his hair he'll just be like "okay"

• enjoys having deep conversations with you, if you talk with him or just sit and stare and listen

• won't force you to join project mayhem but may entice you

Jack (narrator):

• dating you just thaws his cold emotionless heart

• will get emotionally attached to you after a couple weeks

• bbg

• the only way he can fall asleep is if you're right there next to him

• bonus points if you hold him and let him rest his head on your chest (while running your fingers through his hair)

• writing this has got me giggling and kicking my legs rn

• likes holding your hand while out (or even at home cause he just likes knowing your there)

• is actually a really good listener and will talk you through your problems in a casual way

• and he knows you'll do the same for him which makes him feel safe

• your guyses favorite store to go to is ikea

• you guys like to explore the showrooms and lay on the beds, giggling and pretending to be asleep

• i could fr write ikea headcanons should i do it

• watching a movie on the couch close together until you both fall asleep

• and making fun of all the characters' bad choices along the way

• trying very hard to make breakfast together the next morning (he just ends up making toast cause there's not much in that fridge)

• sleepy kisses :(

• basically he's a sweet baby who needs to be taken care of and if you don't i will find you

#fight club narrator x reader #fight club x reader #fight club headcanons #tyler durden x reader #fight club narrator #tyler durden #fight club

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anulithots · 4 days

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NOORIE. I JUST WATCHED EP 3-5 OF LINK CLICK AND I BAWLED MY EYES OUT. I WASN'T EXPECTING THIS MUCH EMOTIONAL DAMAGE WHYYYYY

off topic but like scattered thoughts:

i don't know if you know this but what they're chanting during the game (龙阳之好 — meaning longyang's interest) is basically a phrase that refers to gay relationships. this has to be intentional. right. right. right. anyways if you'd like you can learn more about lord longyang in this brief wikipedia page

cheng xiaoshi's basketball flashback thing with lu guang is peak queer cinema. casually called him his partner and made a profound metaphor on trust on the spot. no one is doing it like him. icon

the captain's (i think his name was hong bin??) accent changes drastically when he's around his family — i don't live in china so i can't pinpoint which region it's from, but just think of it as the chinese equivalent of a country accent. skfjd just thought that was a cute detail

embarrassing but for like the tiniest moment but with the dramatic sunlight and the gentle music i fr thought that implied that hong bin was chen xiao's first love... my stupidity knows no bounds

when cheng xiaoshi is 'in the body' of another person in the past, how much of his emotions are his, and how much of them are the other person's? ...this calls for a character psychoanalysis

okay thank you for listening to my rant. sfjdskfjkfjsj going to scream into my pillow now

KDFJKLDSJF KSDJF

EPSIDOE THREEE THROUGH FIVE ARE SO EMOTIONALLY DEVESTATING, IF NTO THE MOST EMOTIONALLY DEVESTATING EPSIDOES IN ALL OF CINEMA (I'm weak for parents singing lullabies and providing comfort that ends tragically. I never stood a chance.) /pos

OKAY RESPONDING TO YOUR THOUGHTS! (sorry if this seems disjointed I'm going through an 'execuative dysfuntino floaty-float cloud rn... yes feeligns I know how to describe those.)

OHMIGOSH THE GAY CHANT. YES IT HAS TO BE INTENTIONAL. THey just get more queer the more you watch. Their shop literally has their ship name.

The manhua exists.

If this isn't the most queer platonic/gay thing I've ever seen... I don't know what is.

OOOH and I have to tag @celestialsun123 and @mylee-sketches in this just for that point GAY BASKETBALL CHANT WOWOWOO

This ep was also just like... very queer. SO queer. the most queer coded thing I've ever watched in my life (they wanted to convince us we were safe, that this would be a fun little gay time travel show.)

Holy herbs. You know what? The censorship just made them more creative and this is more queer than if it were cannon (just shiguang in general actually... it gets even better as you go on)

ANd the shorts as wellll... also Qiao Ling literally asks Lu Guang 'so what do you like about Cheng XIaoshi?' Like she's honestly the biggest shiguang shipper of us all.

The accent thing IS such a cute detail yess. The way that entire town was written with so much life and little things, each character having depth and intrigue from the get go... only for... episode five.. . and ... *ugly sobbing*

(Especially Chen Xiao's mom. I've honestly rarely seen parents written as well as they are in link click.)

PFT YES YES I ALSO THOUGHT HONG BIN AND CHENG XIAO were supposed to be queer coded in that scene. It's very vibes.

OHMIGOSH THE CHENG XIAOHSHI POSESSION THING CONSUMES SO MUCH OF MY THOUGHTS IT"S SO INTERESTING AS BOTH A NARRATIVE DEVICE AND PART OF HIS CHARACTER. I have a post here:

Theorizing on how Cheng Xiaoshi's emotions work when he's possessing people

with some theories behind it, and lots of notes and anlysis that are... in the works (I'm on my second rewatch of season one but I'm silly and keep rewatching the same scene six times before I watch the next... rinse repeat I've been rewatching for a half a month now.)

LIke the layers and layers and layers in this show are insanneeeee.

Also boba tea:

and... screenshot collection (It's so hard to screenshot shows holy herbs. I wish the manhua adapatation of the first season - where it's all the same as the show - was available online)

(not goign to include any spoilers)

....and I reached my image limit.

THANK YOU FOR TALKING WITH ME ABOUT LINK CLICK AKLDFSJKLDSJFKLDSJFDKLSFJDSLKFJDS.

#link click #cheng xiaoshi #lu guang #shiguang daili ren #shiguang #qiao ling #sgdlr #noorie answers asks #answered asks

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londonfog-chan · 9 days

Text

Eddie Munson x Fem!Reader: Rite Here, Rite Now Part 1

This two shot fic is dedicated to that poor soul on TikTok getting shitty comments about a headcanon of Eddie liking Ghost. Fandom has become so damn toxic bro. Who cares about what an imaginary character likes or dislikes?? We are cringe, we are legion. We make out of pocket headcanons sometimes. Like come on, Eddie might “theoretically” dislike Mary On A Cross specifically for various reasons, but I could see him having some favorites. You can’t say he would entirely hate Ghost when fucking Year Zero and Mummy Dust exist. Or the whole of Prequelle as an album. I had to laugh at one person saying he liked Avenged Sevenfold (it didn’t exist in the 80’s and neither did Ghost like we are literally arguing about shit he wouldn’t have known about be so serious rn). But I digress. I’ve even gotten a couple hateful comments on a fun little TikTok I made and I honestly have just been deleting them and blocking. Don’t even want to deal with people’s bullshit anymore. Please enjoy this spite fic and continue writing and having fun babes. Go against the flow and make Eddie proud.

Part 1 (You are Here), Part 2

***

Every member of Corroded Coffin could tell when you arrived to a function. Eddie knew the sound of your car like a cat that knows when its owner is home, and he’d be waiting outside the school to greet you first. That and the car make and model. Someone always called it if not Eddie. He’d been off his game today though, definitely the excited nerves. Jeff called out your 1979 Volkswagen Beetle heading up the driveway by slugging Eddie hard on the bicep, Gareth and Dougie immediately following up with calling “no tag backs” as they rushed to hit each other and Eddie like a bunch of middle schoolers. Eddie almost got nailed by Dougie’s beefy fist until he nimbly dodged out of the way, cradling his prized Warlock like it was a newborn.

“God dammit, easy asshole!” Eddie laughed. “Don’t be hitting my baby! I need her intact if I’m going to impress our songstress.”

“Trust me Ed, she doesn’t need more impressing. You had her in a tizzy when you asked her to write a song for you. I wonder what she came up with.” Gareth said, leaning forward so his hands were settled on both his high and medium toms, he was watching your approach intently with a gleam in his eye. “She didn’t even make it to campaign on Friday. Must have really been in the zone.”

You parked the car against the side of the driveway, emerging looking as though you’d just swallowed a whole mouthful of cry baby sour gum. Your lips were pressed tightly together, clutching your fat Trapper Keeper to your chest as you approached the group.

“Hey sweetheart!” Eddie called, waving you over enthusiastically. “You okay?”

“Eddie… God it’s so bad… It’s worse than I thought.” You said, grimacing.

God you looked delicious. He couldn’t help himself but to stare and smile like a dope. With each step your flowing gray skirt swished enticingly side to side, and with a bit of pride Eddie noticed you were wearing the Twisted Sister shirt he’d distressed for you, looking like an adorable snack of a metalhead with your black clothes, black opaque tights and dirty Chucks.

Eddie’s smile faltered only slightly when he heard your self depreciation.

“Oh come on, can’t be that bad. Not with those grades you’ve got in English. Let me see…”

“Fuck no! No seriously… it’s worse than you think.” You insisted, shaking your head and pulling away from his outstretched hand, “It’s so… God dammit! What the hell was I thinking…?”

Gareth, Jeff and Dougie left their instruments to approach you, Eddie putting both hands on your shoulders to comfort you.

“Hey, hey… come on, don’t be like that.” He said, smile gone and a more serious look on his face. “I get it, I really do. It comes with the territory of writing your own songs. Trust me, I’ve done it for years. You won’t pick it up overnight, and whatever you think is weak we can work on it together. I’m a DM honey, I can have my pen out faster than you can blink and help redraft as many times as it takes.”

“Oh… god dammit… okay, fine…”

You reluctantly handed Eddie the trapper keeper, the velcro making a harsh rip as he pulled it open to the first page where your lyrics neatly sat waiting for him to peruse. Eddie’s eyebrow raised when he saw the title, “Square Hammer”, outlined in red ink.

“ ‘Square Hammer’? … Huh… I like it, that’s good.” Eddie nodded, and continued to read on.

The lyrics were certainly unique to say the least. It was obvious you’d tried to go with a theme based on the prompt he’d given you: something that oozes the brooding dark metal he envisioned Corroded Coffin would croon to thousands of fans. You certainly had an affinity for the macabre, and he knew he could trust you with everything he wanted in his vision. Then again you could have written the cheesiest, poppy trash in the world and he would have loved it. He was extremely biased, far too sweet on you for his own good. But these weren’t bad at all. The lyrics reminded him of old Hollywood vampire movies, echoing the work of Doctor Faustus with the thematic element in the song. The voice of the lyrics seemed to be coming from an otherworldly entity, one summoned to offer power and prestige to the listener.

And Eddie was obsessed with every word the further he read on.

“Woah, woah…”

His eyes widened with every sentence he read.

“Holy shit…”

Powers clandestine, solving a crooked rhyme… Every line, no matter how simple, packed a lot when combined in the collective.

Eddie finally looked up at you, completely bewildered.

“You wrote this by yourself?!” He croaked.

You were embarrassed to hell, curling in on yourself and looking like you wanted to die.

“Ye… yeah… I… When you asked me to write for you, I got really stuck on what I wanted to do. But I remember you mentioned Black Sabbath was one of your first covers, and then I couldn’t get the image of the coffin out of my head because, you know, “Corroded Coffin”… and then we were reading Faustus in Mrs. O’Donnell’s class and I thought since you asked me to do you this favor and Faustus is all about favors…-“

You were rambling. Not even paying attention to Eddie’s continually growing grin. He was bouncing on the balls of his feet the longer you ranted on, until his untamable outburst silenced you.

“THIS IS AMAZING!” Eddie was screaming, scaring the shit out of everyone. “Holy fuck sweetheart! Are you bullshitting me?! This is… fuck! We’ve been stressing for new material for next month’s gig at The Hideout and you just gave it to us on a silver platter?! Jesus H.!”

“Bwha-?!”

“Check this out…!” Eddie turned away to show his friends while you quietly protested, unable to speak as he passed the paper around. The guys crowded around, each one shouting out when they saw a favorite part, “hammering the nails into the sacred coffin” quickly became a favorite, because they immediately began trying to work out how they could fit the lyrics to sound.

“All we gotta do is work out a melody and we’re in business baby!” Eddie said. “This is bitchin’!”

“But it doesn’t even make any sense!” You argued. “Like seriously? The entrance to the shrine part does not fucking fit, I only wrote it because I couldn’t come up with a better rhyme with clandestine!”

“Who cares?” Eddie cried. “It’s badass as hell! The imagery is absolutely savage… ‘Hiding from the night, sacrificing nothing’, and don’t let me forget about the little tongue in cheek line you added about hammering nails into a sacred coffin!”

“It’s fucking great!” Echoed Jeff.

“You should be proud. You managed to take our style and give it a unique spin, that’s not something anyone can do.” Eddie praised. “God dammit… I’d have been a millionaire by now if I could write like this.”

“You… you really liked those parts?” You asked cautiously.

“Of course I did sweetheart! This is real metal shit right here. And the part with the ‘crooked rhyme’? That really captured the creep factor I was looking for. Shit… what’s more metal than summoning a demon for a deal? That’s exactly what Corroded Coffin needs in its material. I love this little brain of yours!”

“Don’t forget Ed!” Dougie cut in. “ ‘Are you ready to swear right here right now before the devil’?!”

“Bitchin’! Keep this up, and I’m gonna wanna make you write all of Corroded Coffin’s songs from now on!” Eddie beamed happily.

“We gotta get the melody worked out!” Jeff said, “Any ideas? I could come up with a few…”

The boys began gabbing together, Eddie unable to help himself as he began to strum his precious 1984 BC Warlock, his black beauty. Without a doubt he could already envision how he could make his baby purr for you, impress you, take you out finally.

And then you changed his world forever.

“… I had an idea for a melody already…” you said quietly.

All eyes turned to you. The guys were thunderstruck.

“Seriously?! Lyrics and a melody?! You’re spoiling the shit out of me sweetheart! Jeff, let her borrow your…-“

“No… no I… I don’t know how to play guitar…” you said, cutting off Eddie sheepishly, “But I… I brought my Casio with me…”

“Where is it?!”

“In the trunk of my bug…”

“Well go get it! Show me whatcha got sweetheart!”

Eddie followed you to the front of the Volkswagen. Everyone always thought the front trunk was the coolest shit ever and he was no exception. The cool car only added to the many things he liked about you. You took out the obnoxiously large keyboard and the stand, fumbling to close the trunk until Eddie stepped in with an “easy… I got it”, slamming the trunk shut and helping you lift the Casio like a gentleman. You were shaking, vibrating with embarrassment so hard that Eddie had to help you plug everything in and adjust the sound, hovering and reaching over you on purpose hoping you’d notice and feel his burn for you.

“Alright sweetheart? Show us what you’ve got.”

You turned on the Casio and fingered the keys gently, warming up with a few chords as you tried to soothe the shaking in your fingers. Fiddling with the settings, you stalled as long as you could while the boys waited patiently. Once you found the setting you wanted, you went for it.

It was like a demon had possessed your body. The melody was quick, but it packed a hell of a punch. It was in the key of D minor, and you had ironically chosen what sounded like a combination of 1960’s psychedelic sticky rhodes and Transylvanian organ to achieve the effect you wanted. The sound overall was eerie, yet enchantingly fun all at the same time. And your singing! You were singing softly under your breath, rocking yourself to the melody on the tips of your worn out sneakers, and you had quite the set of pipes! Despite your shot nerves, you’d clearly come up with something truly special that no one else in the entire world could have conceived of.

It wasn’t the traditional metal Eddie had in mind, more avant-garde, theatrical even. Whereas he had expected a sound more like Black Sabbath, you played something not out of place at a theater performance of Dracula. But this sound… there was something that nagged him about it. It was a sound that Eddie could imagine playing to arenas of screaming, adoring fans.

“Gentlemen… that’s our fucking song!” Eddie cried, “That’s our song, it’s a goddamned masterpiece!”

The Casio halted, and your mouth was hanging open mid play.

“What?! How-…” you began.

“I can already hear the riff, Ed what do you think of following with standard tuning instead of going to D minor?” Jeff picked up his Gibson and began to play, mimicking what he heard on your Casio by ear. “If you move it, the sound is way off from what I’m envisioning. But if you keep it at standard you leave it easier on the fingers with the couple of open notes when you start stretching.”

“Yeah, yeah! If you tune it down it’s going to sound off with her playing when you hit the chords.” Eddie agreed, immediately looking back at you. “Play it one more time sweetheart?”

You cautiously complied, going through the melody one more time as Jeff began to follow with you. Eddie was completely absorbed in your music, listening to both you and Jeff play and following along quietly. The warlock in his hands eventually couldn’t be helped, humming to life when he started playing a chord at a time by ear. As he played, he kept you repeating the melody over and over, both Eddie and Jeff deep in concentration on the sound. It was getting almost exhausting trying to continually repeat the sound until they got it right.

“D minor.” Eddie said, playing a note.

“Then she does B flat there.” Jeff played.

“A minor.” They said in unison.

“C. And that’s what I’m thinking your rhythm guitar can do, meanwhile, I’ll keep the root of the chords for the riff so I can follow her keys.” Eddie said, and he began to perfectly copy your melody. “Okay sweetheart, just one more time… and then let’s bring everything together.”

#reader insert #eddie munson #stranger things #eddie munson x reader #stranger things x reader #reader insert fiction #ghost #please make this man a dork for someone #I had to do it my damn self #flight of Icarus had me fucked up yo #like please let this man just be a fucking goober #did reader just become Tobias Forge #yes #yes she did #I listened to square hammer at least 30 times to describe it in one fucking sentence

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sgtmickeyslaughter · 1 month

Text

Answer the Questions and Tag 5 Fanfic Authors

Thanks for tagging @jrooc

1. How did you get into writing fanfiction?

I’ve always been an avid reader and as a kid I wanted to be a writer so that was the start. I’ve been reading fanfic since i was in highschool, and I’ve had many different barely started fanfics started over the years but last year was the first time I was able to actually finish anything/taken it seriously. I think it just came down to college teaching me the last bit of discipline in my creative practice

2. How many fandoms have you written in?

Just Gallavich, but I’m very confident I will write destiel in my lifetime

3. How many years have you been writing fanfiction?

I published my first fic in September of last year!

4. Do you read or write more fanfiction?

it goes back and forth, when i enter a fandom i read fanfic voraciously but now i think i write a little more, its a balance between you can write the fanfic you want to read and you can read other peoples work to experience ideas you would never think of or just a different take on a familiar topic - both are good. I’m currently slowly going through and re-reading my old fics to get them ready to print and bind and its been a super fun process

5. What is one way you’ve improved as a writer?

I hope i’ve improved a lot overall lol the main thing i always want to do well is portray the environment the way i envision it bc the worlds of my fanfics are rich and beautiful in my head so i just want to get better and better at pulling people into that

6. What’s the weirdest topic you researched for a writing project?

Not a ton of weird research, a lot of google maps-ing to get a better understanding of the layout of Chicago and understanding how far away states/cities are from one another (i’m american, just a weird bicoastal one)

7. What’s your favorite type of comment to receive on your work?

literally any comment, all of them are amazing and i can’t believe people read what i write and actually like it ?!? beautiful and very novel

8. What’s the most fringe trope/topic you write about?

um - i guess ABO, i was originally going to publish mine all mine anonymously bc it was very cringe inducing and still kind of is but tbh when i read it back i was like- wait this is good, even if it’s weird.

psychopomp is also a weird story, the way i thought/felt about it while writing was deeply weird and all the the themes of death and decay and devotion and consummation as an allegory for love were intended to be dark and just- weird

9. What is the hardest type of story for you to write?

Emotionally introspective fics that also really study the characters are really hard and i dont know why I keep fucking writing them - after finishing the fic im writing now i have to shift to something more plot focused

its really hard for obvious reasons but i also feel like i am an extremely logic driven person with a very particular worldview and all these characters are more emotionally driven than me. so i have to work very hard to not write behaviors from my pov and my decision making but from a studied understanding of the characters - which might be a good thing idk

um also idk if it needs to be said but brevity is not my strong suit, i should probably work on that

10. What is the easiest type?

Fluff, just cuddling and pillow talk baby i love that shit, also idk if i write smut well but it def goes the quickest for me

11. Where do you do your writing? What platform? When?

Pages app on my icloud - I write after work some days, on my lunch break and on the train ride home. Every so often ill wake up early on a weekend and be in the mood to put on my noise canceling headphones and write for hours, but thats not super often

12. What is something you’ve been too nervous/intimidated to write, but would love to write one day?

uhh - we’ll see. my true crime au is def one i want to write but all my ideas for the plot are just too dark rn, so well see if i can get it to lighten up a bit

13. What made you choose your username?

tagging 5 writers: @callivich @mmmichyyy @iansw0rld @energievie @metalheadmickey

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bitchlessdino · 1 year

Text

repeat rebound Ch.3 repeating nights like this

Chapter list

Pairing: Fem!reader x fwb!soonyoung (ft.jeonghan sex)

Genre: Crack, smut

word count: 6k

tags: ft. other members (jeonghan, vernon, and mingyu), weddings, coffee meet-cutes, morning sex, cigarettes, alcohol, little sugar baby!reader, wedding planner!soonyoung, fingering, oral (receiving), degradation, praise kink, spanking, spitting, cum swaping

Summary: The best way to get over someone is to get under someone. Again and again and again.

author note: so i had a lot of fun writing this with no plan of how it was gonna go, but i am so satisfied with how this turned out. RR is like a social experiment at this point. REPOSTING DUE TO PREVIOUS ERROR. and pls read on desktop and not the app, its being weird rn.

tag list @nikkell @anthropologymajorkpopmultistan @i-dont-give-a-fok @darthlunaa

The coupon was created the first time you ever broke up with Chan, which of course Jeonghan had to have been there for too. You were obsessed with your boyfriend at the time, when weren’t you, so you were devastated. You were bawling out your eyes, questioning the world how he could do this to you. All the young, sad, hopeless romantic stuff. This prompted Jeonghan the opportunity to propose ‘the coupon’.

It entails one night of meaningless sex, no questions, with both consenting parties and no further discussion about the sex after. It was like it had never happened. Both you and Jeonghan had this coupon, an invisible one, promised by the sincerity of word, and with no expiration. You never expected that you would actually use it and knew Jeonghan had enough respect for you that he wouldn’t use his. As it turns out, desperate times called for desperate measures.

“Married, huh? He was too hot to be drinking alone.”

His cigarette smoke clogs the room’s air and wafts into your nose. You exhale it out, burying your naked body into the sheets. That one was one of the few things you never did like about him. He enjoyed a bit of tobacco once in a while, especially after sex, so you heard, and it just wasn’t something you could overlook in a partner. You dismissed Jeonghan as an option for a romantic partner long ago.

Digressing, that wasn’t the point. Jeonghan wasn't the issue, you were and your shit love and sex life. It had become so shit, you were fucking your best friend of all people to…relieve it. It had become codependency at some point: you and sex.

“I feel so stupid. What is wrong with me?”

Jeonghan digs the remains in his personal ashtray, and lays his head against the palms behind his head, turning to your side in concern. “Nothing is wrong with you, there’s never been anything wrong with you. You know that.”

You scoff back dubiously at him, “Yeah, do I? Can you just open up a window, please?”

He rolls his eyes and obliges, sliding out of bed, and exposing what he had, or lack thereof, underneath. His lean back side faces you as the duvet drops from his limbs, his fair and flawless skin that looked tempting and smooth to the touch, almost too perfect to mark. You shield your eyes away as if you hadn’t already seen all of it, all of him, all of last night.

“With clothes please.”

He chuckles as if he knows what you’re thinking. “It’ll be quick.”

You knew this would be someone he’d have to hold against you, hence why you wouldn’t even dream of doing this in the first place, but arousal speaks louder than words. Nothing had been going right for you that night and the last thing you wanted was for you to get someone in a goddamn relationship involved. It was time to cut your losses.

He cracks open the window, nothing big, just enough that smoke can pass through, but not enough to give a view. Eyes still resisting his presence, you feel him join you back in bed, gazing back at you, and it was nice. “Want to go another round?”

You give him a knowing grin, “Coupon only entails one night.”

“Says who?” He retorts back with a cheeky smile.

“Said you when you made it up. It’s morning right now. I’m sure you understand the concept of time.”

He draws himself a little closer to you, the intimacy he offers all too enticing to reject. “I can make an exception. Sounds like you need it. A little TLC.”

He pairs your hips together, flaccid cock now twitching against your thigh. His lips push pressure against yours, hand running over your shape, a low satisfied hum leaving his lips. A soft moan escapes you as you kiss him back, and you get a light sensation in your body that makes you feel weightless, everything is where you needed it to be. Somehow, Jeonghan sensed that. “You look even pretty like this…how do you do that?”

“What, like with bed head and dehydrated skin?” You chuckle against his lips.

“Yeah, even then,” he whispers with a smile.

He throws you in his lap, and a girlish squeal emits on your end. Lips attach to one another once again, and you find yourself indulging more of his time. You ride his body, his length’s warmth plunged in your core, unmoving, but pleasurable even without. He let you use him, easing your tension instead of building it up, touching you, and offering you nothing but bliss. It was sweet, Jeonghan always was.

“Oh, Jeonghan…”

And he was the best friend you could ask for.

“You feel so good,” you giggle helplessly, cupping his cheeks.

Your hips move fluidly, melting into each other like the richest butter. His hands cradle your breasts, massaging them like warm dough meant to be carefully kneaded. There was something comforting, something reassuring, that you couldn’t help but appreciate. It gave you a certain high, a somewhat calming one that blurs your sense, it was a high in your body that could only do good.

Was it mind-numbing sex? No, but it was what you needed.

He then slides down his hands to cup your ass, working his knuckles in your flesh, squeezing their pillowy surface. Your moans, as surprising as it sounds, come out so naturally. You repeat his name like a mantra, all while Jeonghan’s head throws back into his pillows, grunting, whining, doing whatever he was doing because whatever it was, it didn’t matter. You liked hearing his voice, new yet familiar, crying out to you, obsessing over you, making you feel desired like you meant something.

“You feel so fucking good…” Even when he was cussing, it was heavenly. Cathartic even.

You had this airy way you laughed you couldn’t help yourself. It blended with the movement of your hips, harboring a climax between your thighs. Jeonghan was gonna remember this and all of last night for a long time. “Yes, yes, mmh, Jeonghan…”

With a permanent smile on his face, he watches you double over as you cum all over his rubber-coated cock and his hands embrace your sweaty backside. He listens to your shaky breath, orgasming ostentatiously loud in his ears. Adrenaline was rushing through his body at the same time his hot cum was rushing out.

He paints the inside of his rubber white, elevating his heart rate. Still smiling, he takes deep breaths, remembering to breathe, “Fuck, I’m gonna need another cig.”

You stopped the session there, after a nice hot shower anyways (Jeonghan coming by to save water), rejecting his offer for breakfast saying you had places to be, but kissed him goodbye and, rather slowly with tobacco and spearmint fresh on his tongue. It all ends at that. Never to be spoken of again. At least you hope.

“Hi.”

You falter in your steps, turning to see another familiar face walking down the stairs to the front lobby, looking like he’s ready for a good day’s work in a nice button-down and slacks. It was a sight to see considering you had only seen it in pictures before, but he really did clean up well.

“Morning. Sleep well?” You ask in an attempt to make some light conversation.

Soonyoung quietly laughs to himself, noticing how the awkwardness radiates off your body or was there something else that had you absolutely glowing? “I think I slept alright. You?”

“Oh, uh…”

What do you even say? Didn’t get much sleep because I was busy filling up a bodily cavity that has nothing to do with teeth?

“Wait, none of my business,” he laughs off, and that relieves you, “I’ll see you around.”

You nod him goodbye, awkwardly so but as normal as possible, which wasn’t very likely. Nevertheless, it could've gone worst and for that, you were grateful it didn’t. One wrong move last night, you would’ve been a homewrecker, and he didn’t make that any easier for you. Maybe you really did need some time away from sex like Jeonghan first suggested, but were you really one to listen?

The sex was a good distraction from things other than your break up, if anything your break up was a distraction for something else: the failing economy. You were lucky enough to have some money from your previous job, which went nowhere may you add, to pull through for the next few months but you promised yourself that you’d find a new, better job in no time. Easier said than done and what have you been doing? Quite literally, fucking around.

You’re gonna be done with that, for now anyway.

And it was nothing to flush out-of-control sex hormones like an artisanal cup of coffee while you job search on your laptop in a cute little cafe. This was a nice change of pace. And you totally weren’t catching the glances at the cute head barista, whose name you found out to be Vernon by the way.

Okay, no. No, no. Back to it.

You’ve looked on endless worksite pages and have already applied to a few electronically, but none that screamed to you that it was your calling, not that anything ever did. In the past, you’ve worked jobs to get by and most recently landed one that paid the most out of anyone, but as most companies went, it made its employees drone on to an endless cycle of work-life imbalance. Probably why it took so long to realize your relationship was going to shit.

It was then your phone rang and fate played with you once again while you were in the middle of tittering between the job search and fantasizing about getting fucked in the breakroom by the brown-eyed barista. No doubt, your savior was on the other line ready to pull you away from this horny limbo. “Hey, Gyu. What’s up?”

“I need help from a good, good friend.”

Your nose scrunches at the tone of voice, contorting your lips anxiously. It was warm and inviting, for Mingyu anyway, but in a way, that ulterior motives were clear as day. “Okay, what the fuck, you sound creepy. What is it?”

“Now don’t be…hostile, but—“

“I hate this idea already.”

He lightly laughs on the other line. “I need a date for a Wedding.”

You sigh, already know where this is going. “It better not be the one I’m thinking of.”

“It might be.”

“Kim Mingyu.”

“Okay, Okay,” he answers defensively, “I know it sounds bad, but…I promise I won’t…do much.”

Mingyu was many things and has questionable actions but none without reason. He and his ex had been in an on-and-off relationship and just when they’re in their off stage, she’s off getting married. He couldn’t believe it at first, hell, he couldn’t believe he was getting cheating on at first either. It was the first time he felt helpless in a long time.

“Are you seriously asking me to be your date for your ex’s wedding? Jinni. That ex. With the guy she cheated on you with. And you want me involved. Why?”

“I’ll pay you.” He bargains curtly.

You admit, hearing that may have intrigued you.

“I don’t want your stupid Scrooge McDuck money.”

“Three grand.”

Fuck.

You resist, digging into the flesh of your thigh. “…I don’t want your stupid three grand either.”

“Five grand.”

Man, you hated this guy. “Or your five grand.”

“Seven!”

Your eyes shoot open. “Stop shouting numbers!”

“Fine, Eight.”

You cup your phone’s speaker, worried as if some bystander can hear, “Shut up already, fine. I’ll help you…And send the 8k to my bank. You know which one. I’ll be there soon.”

You quickly hang up and shut your laptop close. You exhale a breath of relief, knowing you’d be able to pay off your expenses for a good few extra months and maybe get a nice dinner out of this too, hoping this doesn’t become a habit. You throw your things into your bag and toss the empty coffee cup in the trash, grabbing the attention of Vernon, the barista, hurrying from behind the counter.

“Wait!” He stops you before you can leave, fiddling with something in his fingers.

“Yes?” You answer curiously.

An awkward smile cracks on his face, and you notice how he’s even more pretty up close when he can meet your eyes. “Did you happen to read what’s on the cup?”

You were confused by his question. “You mean my order?”

“Oh, no. Um. I left my number.” He confesses.

“Oh. I'm sorry, I actually didn’t see that.”

“It’s okay! Um, here actually.” He hands you the cafe's business card with a few holes already punched out and a hastily written number on the side, “Buy 5 more drinks and get two for free. One for you and one for me when you call the number on it.”

Okay, that was admittedly cute.

You bashfully laugh, accepting the card, “I’ll think about it. Thank you.”

You see him wave you bye when you leave and watch you walk out of sight so he can finally head back to his station. You look a little closer at the business card, endeared by the little cat drawing he drew next to his number, before stuffing it into the depths of your tote bag. “I hope that guy gets the meet-cute person he’s looking for. Sadly, it won’t be with me.”

The road to Mingyu’s place was strenuous as ever and you stand amongst architecturally beautiful steps leading you to his staff greeting you as you walk past them, smiling pristinely as they always have. It was haunting, almost. You’ve come by enough to familiarize yourself with the trail to his bedroom, finding him surprising you with an array of formal dresses he already had ready for you. Always like him to want to play dress up when he calls you out for these kinds of favors. You couldn’t help but scoff, crossing one arm over the other.

“There’s no way you could’ve predicted I’d say yes.”

He struts over you in unadulterated confidence, peering at you with raised brows and an amused smile. “Of course, I did. You’ve always said yes to me.”

Rolling your eyes, you follow him by the hand to join him by the clothing racks, seeing him already sorting through the variety. “Yeah, well, you always somehow know I’m in desperate need of money. Lucky you.”

He turns to you, a condescending pout on his lip, “Don’t worry about a thing. Daddy’s got you.”

“You call yourself that one more time, I’ll make sure you won't get to be a father any time soon.”

You met Mingyu through Jeonghan, and it didn’t take long to realize you and he was on complete opposite sides of the class spectrum. He came from polo practices and ate from the finest silverware, while you got by day by day, living off your resources (here came Mingyu). Jeonghan knew a lot of different kinds of people and you wonder how he could ever keep up. Especially this Mingyu.

This guy reeked of charm and money. He was chiseled like a young god and living up to his status and name, he got almost anything he wanted. He could have people falling at his feet if he tried, which you were sure some already had. You were almost convinced once. Almost. In fact, you’re the real exception. You saw through that obnoxiously perfect ruse. You saw an overly confident man that needed someone to humble him, so you became his friend. Maybe his only friend that tolerates more than what his money offers.

“One ass squeeze.”

“No.”

The tall man nudges your side, walking arm in arm, “It’ll make it more believable.”

You nudge him back twice as hard, hard enough to bruise, “2 kisses, and you can put your arm on my shoulders at any point of the night. I find that more than reasonable.”

He gave you a deadpan look before drawing his lips to your ear. “All that and one kiss with tongue.”

“Over your dead body.” You respond, gritting your teeth.

He snickers, tightening his grip. “Didn’t know you were into that—Hey gang!” He did not just—“This is my girlfriend, isn’t she pretty?”

You display a firm grin, playing along his sick facade, “Gyu, stop, you’re embarrassing me.”

Eight thousand dollars. Tonight you cost eight thousand dollars, so you were going to act that way. You sway in the finest silk and stood by Mingu every hour of that night, painfully grinning from ear to ear, playing up the role of his girlfriendly flawlessly just enough to get the stink eye from the bride herself. You pretended to feed each other, and called each other disgusting pet names, all while trying not to visibly cringe from the over-the-top cosplay.

“It’s only been a short while but, we just get each other. Like I’ve known her for thousands of lifetimes. We’re just perfect together, aren’t we, Pookie?”

“Mmh, hmm.”

He kisses your cheek chastely, hand gorilla gripping your hip, and you knock him back to his senses with your side, catching him before he falls. “You make me so happy, doll face.”

‘Kill me’, you thought to yourself.

Somewhere in the midst past the wedding food you could never buy yourself or the name-brand wedding favors that you may have swiped more than one of, a man in an earpiece can’t seem to take his eyes off you like he isn’t even trying. You take a peek at the man unable to tear his eyes away and recognized him instantly, even in a foreign get-up.

His hair was styled better than it was the last you saw him and sporting a suit that fits not only him delectably but the theme to a tee. Once again, you can’t seem to escape the grasp of ‘to be determined last name’ Soonyoung. He meets your eyes, looking as if he’s wanting to undress and devour you in your very seat, and you can’t help but squirm under his gaze. You cross one leg over the other, clenching your warmth, and greet him politely with your eyes from your designated spot until he’s walking over and joining you.

He stands before you tall and daunting, unlike the warm smile on his face, “Y/n? I thought that was you.”

His presence urges you out of your seat in a flash, smoothing out the wrinkles of your dress, “Soonyoung. I’m just as surprised as you are. Didn’t think you’d be planning this wedding too.”

“Well, the Chois wanted the best,” he chuckles with pride, “You look…incredible by the way.”

You could feel your body flush at the single compliment, or maybe it’s the eyes that can’t help but draw you in so effortlessly.

“She should, she’s with me tonight, ” Mingyu stands from his seat with his hand out, staring down at him, “Kim Mingyu. And I have it, you're Kwon Soonyoung? Quite the event you helped plan.”

Soonyoung shrugs, making himself to come off as humble, but fails while doing so. He glances your date's open hand and soon takes it in his, sharing a firm handshake. “All ideas of the bride and groom, I assure. I’m just doing the heavy lifting, Nice to meet you, Mingyu.”

Their eyes locked in with each other, having some sort of emasculating stare-down, pointlessly battling for dominance, and you can’t help but roll your eyes. You ended it quickly by making your presence known, tugging Mingyu’s arm to keep up the ruse and serving Soonyoung an innocent smile. “It was nice seeing you, Soonyoung.”

He lets Mingyu go, sticking the hand in his pocket and reciprocating your kind approach. “You too, Y/n. Hope the next time is sooner than I hope and with less of a crowd.”

Soonyoung takes his leave, tending to his duties as the wedding planner, leaving you and Mingyu alone with more than enough questions from your curious date.

“What the fuck was that,” Mingyu pesters with an excited gasp.

“Shut up, nothing.”

MIngyu was doubtful. “He was literally eye fucking you when I’m right here. Pookie, you sex fiend.”

“Shut the hell up” you harshly whisper, “We had one night, I’d hardly call that fiendish behavior.”

“After all this, I want deets. When, where, and how long and thick?”

You pinch the flesh of his thigh, seeing him wince the tighter you squeeze, “I am not painting you a full picture, you pervert.”

Mingyu made a point to bother you about it every time eyes weren’t on you, poking fun about ‘how much fun you must’ve had,’ or asking how ‘long he lasted,’ earning a kick under the table every time. Otherwise, you acted like the perfect little girlfriend , sticking to Mingyu’s side like a fly in a sticky trap, drawing attention from more than the jealous bride.

Soonyoung kept a steady eye on your every move, noticing what you ate, didn’t eat, laughed for how long, or how close you pressed up against Mingyu’s shoulder. You were his for a night and some change but could not stand the way you touched the guy. Your body and face exuded class that this guy could never compare. He could have you writhing under his tongue, crying under his lips, screaming at the occupancy of his cock, but you couldn’t. You were here with ‘what’s his face’ instead of cumming to the sound of his voice. He couldn’t have that. He wasn’t going to.

In the company of others, you tried ignoring the fact that Soonyoung was mere meters away, testing your patience, but he had already plagued your thoughts. You knew better than to stray from your mission tonight, eight thousand dollars were on the line. To the best of your ability, you placed your attention on Mingyu. That was until an unknown caller pops up on your phone screen while it vibrated. By pure instinct, you look up to find the very man you were trying to avoid from across the room, gesturing you to pick it up while his own was held up to his ear.

You smile sheepishly at Mingyu’s friends, excusing yourself from the table and taking the call privately as you walk away. Mingyu questions you for a moment but lets you see how much in a hurry you were, and smiles to himself. Once you were alone, you eyes shift form the floor to Soonyoung, proceeding the conversation like a paper cup telephone. “How’d you get my number?”

“I asked Jeonghan.”

“And he just gave it to you?” You ask, arching a brow in interest.

“He said no.” You snort at that. “So I looked through his Instagram, searched for your name, and voila, found your profile. Not safe for you to have your contact on public, may I say.”

You let out an amused hum, watching him walk your same pace in a pathless direction. “Wow, stalker much?”

“I figured since you came to my place unannounced, pretending to not know who I am, I’d consider us even,” he voices, laughing.

“Okay, okay. So why’d you call if you’re standing like 20 feet away from me?”

You stand parallel away from each other smiling, hearing his soft chuckles under his breath.

“Just wanted to say…you look really, really good tonight.”

You roll your eyes, “You already said that.”

“Thought it might come off more sincere if I told you more personally.”

You bite your lip, playing with the pocket of your dress with your free hand. “Well, thank you.”

“I’d really like to take…a closer look…maybe relive that night we first met…” he draws out that final statement suggestively, a familiar glint in his eye that you remember having you on your knees for him in an empty stairwell.

“Do you?” You can’t help but entertain.

“I bet I could make you cum harder now than I did that night.”

Your eyes nearly pop out of your skull from that, cupping your phone speaker and look around to make sure no one else had heard that. You stare back at him in shock, and quite frankly, arousal, “Soonyoung, oh my god. You have a girlfriend.”

His eyes look off into the distance for a moment before training back on you. “We…ended things. Probably for good.”

The relief enters your body so quickly you forget to breathe and you clutch your phone to your ear, staring back at him more intently. “...So you’re just, what, booty calling me? In the middle of work?”

“Would that be so wrong? Your date isn’t exactly…entertaining you. Let me entertain you. That is in my job description.”

“I doubt means fucking your guests,” you playfully argue, “Even if I said yes, where would we even do that?”

He arches a brow, confidence splays on his face, “You think a wedding planner wouldn’t have rented a room in the wedding’s hotel for emergencies?”

You step behind a pillar, finally finding a comfortable level of privacy, “You want me that bad you’ll leave your post just to have sex?”

He laughs behind an identical pillar. You both stand away from the rambunctious guests, focus each other like you were the only two left in the room. He speaks directly into the mic of his phone, and you can hear the sincerity in the way he speaks. “It’s all I’ve thought about since I laid my eyes on you tonight. Tell me you don’t want me, and I’ll stop.”

You sigh, scanning his body from where you stood, licking your lips at how the suit hugs his body perfectly, and despite being drastically the club outfit he once had on, this suit also did wonders to his figure. Soonyoung had an effect on you, no one you were willing to admit, but the word ‘no’ would just not roll off the tongue like it should’ve. “...I can’t do that now, can I?”

It didn’t take long for you to follow him to the empty room he mentioned, nor did he take long to push you up against a wall and crash his lips into yours in a feverish kiss. His hands roam the shape of you, slamming back at your hips belligerently back against the wall. He creeps through the convenient slip of your dress to immediately claim your sopping cunt underneath your drenched panties. You moan at that, feeling his digits draw a full layer of arousal to meet his knuckles and his deep snickers coat your ears. “You’re so fucking wet. I can tell you’ve been thinking about me too.”

His cock was hard against your thigh, fingers hooked up to meet your entrance. Lips against yours, he helps himself to slick through your moisture and eventually finds himself at home inside. Your stomach tenses up in reaction to the sensation as you hold your breath, eyes rolling back to your skull, while your nails dig into his quality dress shirt.

You nod at him with a hazy gaze, choking up at the drought withstanding in your throat, “I have, especially in that suit, made me want to rip it right off of you.”

He smiles at you expectantly, pressing his cheek to yours intimately. A sweet smile creeps on his face in contrast to the words that escape his lips. “Oh, can't even contain yourself the few minutes I’m around. Dirty slut.”

A thumb pressed to your clit, and you shift your legs, pressing your lips together to muffle your moans, “Mmh, couldn’t stop thinking about your cock in my mouth or buried in my pussy…”

“You should see how much you look like you need me. How fucking desperate you’re sounding. What is it? He can’t make you cum, can he? Can’t make you scream his name like I do?”

He’s thrusting his fingers, the speed gradually picking up, and your fist slams against the wall behind you to his rhythm, your voice rich in lust music to his ears. “Mingyu can’t fuck you like I can…we both know it…so say it. Say how bad you want me.”

You gasp for breath, clenching your core, drowning in a state of euphoria that you haven’t felt since the night you hooked up with Soonyoung last. His brass language differs from his normally kind nature had you enthralled in a way you hadn’t before and it scared you. You knew thoughts of Soonyoung will only ever plague your mind from that moment on and despite knowing it, you can’t imagine telling him otherwise. Instead of denying such a feeling, you let your entrancement speak for you.

“Yes,” you breathe out, “I want to ruin me, I want you to fuck me, no one can fuck me like you or your dick does...”

He can’t help but match your manic grin, pressing a hungry kiss against you, letting go with your bottom lip caught in his teeth. His fingers pull away from your heat, settingly against your tongue before your lips wrap around it, tasting the nectar you bare. “You’re just the perfect little cock holder, aren’t you? Bed, face down, now.”

He pushes against the mattress, bitting the metal of the dress's zipper before pulling down and revealing your backside. He takes the same path up with his tongue, a long stripe licked up your spine before his lips land on your ear. His hands pick up your dress straps and pull them off your shoulders, slipping you out of your dress before kicking it aside. Your legs hang off the mattress like a limp rag doll and Soonyoung makes sure your ass presses against his crotch, boner poking through his slacks.

His hips rub into you assertively, hands kneading your breasts, tweaking your nipples, while his belt’s cold metal digs into your skin. You whine at that, pushing your back into him, feeling his hot chuckles make the hairs on your neck stand.

“Don’t make me have to handle you. I don’t fuck with brats, remember?”

He’s rough pulling down your panties, instinctively finding the oozing entrance made his fingers fit like a puzzle. The Palm of his hand slaps against your bare cheeks as he rams his fingers, just as intoxicatingly so moments ago. You bite down your moans in the duvet, perking your ass higher, and before you have time to process it, he buries his face in your divide. His tongue divulges between your cheeks and softly giggles in your warmth, fingers playing with your wet folds and clit that just makes your toes curl.

“Soonyoung!” You helplessly yelp and your weak form sinks into the sheets in a hot sweat, recognizing a development that you had yet realize until now.

His hand claps against your cheeks, muscle lost in your taste, stranded and victim to cum threatening to seep out your body. You writhe beneath, only encouraging him more, as your voice aches in torment and your thighs pressed against his face in utter submission. Tears swell up in your eyes the faster he thrusts, the deep he thrust, defiling you completely. That was when Soonyoung learn how much louder you could be when you submit to him completely. It was like he had you screaming bloody murder. That made him swell up in pride.

“Fuck…me, Soonyoung…” You hold a hand to your abdomen, throwing your voice ou to bounce off the ways, jerking your posterior back onto Soonyoung’s mouth and covering his tongue, the taste in his mouth shifting in a millisecond, but not any less scrumptious.

He licks up the last bit, sucking the remaining off his fingers, and flips you on your back. He towers over you, perspiration built up on his forehead, neck, and even leaking through his shirt. Not an ounce of remorse on his face, he takes his used fingers to pry your mouth open, dropping a long translucent trail of salvia and cum on the center of your tongue. He reconnects with your lips, feeling the vicious liquid stain his cheeks, and flavoring you mouth before he whispers, “swallow,” against your lips. You listen and do as you’re told, earning his praise immediately after.

“Good girl,” he compliments, kissing you more, this time tenderly and forgiving, only to pull away to pick up his jacket off the ground, fixing himself in the mirror.

You blink at him in confusion, still exhausted and drained, you start to sit up from the bed, watching him toss the outerwear back on his body, “W-what are you doing? Your clothes are still on.”

Soonyoung scoffs all smug, looking at you through the mirror’s reflection, “You can't honestly believe me I’d get myself hot and sweaty in the middle of my work.”

“But—“

“But nothing,” he retorts, “I’m going back to the wedding, finishing my job, and you are going back to your date.”

You lay in disbelief, glaring at the man that dragged you into the first place, “You aren’t seriously leaving me here. You didn’t even—you brought me here, finish what you started.”

“I will…after work.” He picks up your abandoned dress on the ground to you, shielding your naked body. “Clean up, regroup with Mingyu, and hands to yourself. It'll be midnight before you know it.”

“Midnight?” You agitatedly repeat.

“You’ll wait, you’re a good girl, I know you can. You have my number and my address. See you soon.”

Now Soonyoung was the one to leave you baffled, naked, and questioning your life choices. Was this how he felt when you left him that morning after?

There wasn’t much to do now but move back on with the plan. You fixed yourself in the bathroom of the rented room and tried containing yourself despite your previous events. Mingyu had been blowing your phone the moment you were out of his sight and had quickly dragged you to his side the moment you reunited.

“Where the hell have you been?” he said in a panic, figuring you probably had your fun, but soon realize that meant his reputation was in jeopardy.

“Time got away from me, sorry.”

“Well, snap out of it. We have a show to put on.”

By the time you got back, you were visibly distracted, not on your ‘A game’ for the appearances you were trying to keep up. Mingyu made sure to up the ante to not raise suspicion, quietly reminding you whose attention you were supposed to be on tonight. Gradually, you realigned yourself to the situation, your acting skills improving as time passed, but not without the Soonyong burning a hole into your ploy you had with your fake boyfriend. The very thought gnawed at your brain knowing he was watching, it even settled in your mind that he was no doubt jealous. That had planted a dirty thought in your head, one that you could never come back from depending on the outcome.

Your body moves faster than your head when you claim Mingyu’s face in your hands. In a swift cinematic move, you pull his face against yours and meet his lips, languidly moving them for show. You feel his eyes flutter shut as he reciprocates, now following after as your lips part ways to clash with his tongue in an obvious fashion, and you explore his mouth to taste tonight’s dinner and sparkling champagne. You take your time to savor the moment before pulling away from your date, eyes center on the man directly behind Mingyu an ocean away, clenching a notepad sheet in his fist.

Mingyu can’t help but flush in pleasant surprise, softly holding your wrists to gently set your hands against your lap, “What was that for?”

It was your turn to look smug and you meet Soonyoung’s eyes in a knowing smile before answering. “Just something that will get me in trouble later.”

#svthub #hoshi smut #jeonghan smut #seventeen smut #soonyoung smut #kwon soonyoung smut #yoon jeonghan smut #kwon soonyoung #yoon jeonghan #hoshi #soonyoung #jeonghan #seventeen fanfics #seventeen soonyoung #seventeen hoshi #seventeen jeonghan #seventeen x reader #seventeen x you #seventeen x y/n

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itsbebebe · 4 months

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So I got bored and decided to binge rewatch some deltarune theory videos and now I'm writing this i guess. I dont hang out too much in the deltarune tumblr tags so idk how much of this is spewing well agreed ideas already but...

Its interesting to me how susie and noelle have this sort of order v chaos thing in terms of their narrative roles. (This is looking like a long post so ill be kind and add a cut here)

Susie is like the character that drills the "your choices dont matter" concept into you (the player - if im referring to kris in this post ill use their name). Not only is she the first to say it but the main times where you make a choice and it doesnt matter are because theyre stopped by susie. Iirc, the only power you have over susie in her segments in both chapters are in puzzle solving (something that actively aids her in her goal). During both the lancer battle and the ferris wheel scene you cannot change what happens. You just have to sit there and watch. Not only that, but susie also can straight up override your decisions in moments like when you try and decide who to go with at the crossroads in chapter 2. You also cannot stop Susie fighting at the start of chapter 1. Some of the few choices that you do make (how you design the thrash machine in chapter 1, speaking to onion san in chapter 1 in hometown) are specifically done when susie isnt around to stop you.

Susie, intentionally or not, forces some order upon the story. She helps force the beads down their designated path, or whatever that metaphor in the hospital is.

However, in chapter 2, susie, by her own choice, leaves for a while and its our new party member who allows us to make a big choice that will matter. Snowgrave. Ive seen people point out before that the snowgrave route really parallels noelles history with game bugs (shown mainly through the sweepstakes blog posts) as the route feels like a game break. In fact it is a game break, considering you are supposed to not have any meaningful choices and do the normal route. It sort of makes it seem like Noelle herself facillitated the route. Not only that, but Noelle (likely due to insecurities in her relationship with Kris) lets you make a lot of choices when you are with her. (I think it could even been argued noelles presence allows you to override susies tendency to stop you making choices in the cutscene at the start of chapter 2).

So Noelle allows you to make the choices, allows the chaos. Susie keeps you on a set road, enforces the order.

This is a fun frame on their relationship. If you told me there was 2 characters, one of which was a girl who was a known rulebreaker and bully and the others was a girl who was top of her class and the mayors daughter, and asked me to tell you which one was chaos and which one was order, i would get it wrong! (It also seems like a good framework to throw some tragedy upon their relationship but lets not think about that rn)

But now if you are anything like me you will be thinking "where do ralsei and kris (as our other 2 established main characters) fall onto this chaos v order paradigm we have established?"

Lets start with kris, as their position feels more quantifiable. Kris does what you tell them. By our established parameters that should make them more chaos leaning. However, Kris will actively stop you from affecting how each chapter ends. This suggests that they want some sort of order, or control over you but will allow you most of the time to make decisions, and allow chaos.

This suggests Kris is order leaning but chaos permitting.

Ralsei, meanwhile, i dont think sits on the paradigm as we have established it. He wants the prophecy to be fulfilled but he wants us to make changes that lead there. He gets upset when Kris is unable to make choices but firmly believes we must fulfill the prophecy. What ralsei does and doesnt know about Kris or us is vague and unknown, and therefore by extension how he feels about Kris and us is vague and unknown.

So is he more order - forcing us to do specific things and stopping us from having meaningful choices in the story? Not really... But then is he more chaos - allowing us to make big changes? In a sort of apathetic, not really bothered way maybe. All in all, i think Ralsei falls outside of the scale, as he has a very unique relationship with us and Kris.

Generally, choices and chaos and order are all very big themes in deltarune. So i think its interesting to link the two together like this.

#deltarune #susie deltarune #noelle holiday #kris dreemurr #ralsei #utdr

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sakurainhellagain · 2 months

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OC profile: Sakura

Got tagged by @daemon-in-my-head (tyvm ❤️),

tagging @bhaalbabebardlock and @pixie-in-a-moonlantern if you want 😄

Basics

Full name: Sakura, because she can´t remember her own name and Enver suggested he would call her like that.

Gender: Female

Sexuality: Straight

Pronouns: She/her

Other:

Father: biological; Bhaal, adopted; -

Mother: biological; Bhaal, adopted; not really adopted, but rescued from a rich woman who transferred her to Baldur´s Gate. The woman taught her several skills and looked after her, but not as a mother would do.

Siblings: biological; Sarevok Anchev, adopted; - but there were other kids living with her in the house which belonged to the rich woman.

Birthplace: In a village near Uwaji, capital city of Wa. Bhaal thought she would be safer in her first years if she grows up far away from Baldur´s Gate.

Job: As kid she learned to dance and she performed on stage, working for the woman who rescued her. Later she became the leader of the cult of Bhaal.

Phobias: Loosing control over herself, to be useless

Guilty Pleasures: loves to dance, enjoys nature (night and day), fashion

Alignment: sometimes chaotic evil, sometimes chaotic neutral. She struggles most of the time because she doesn´t know what she wants.

Sins: greed, wrath and also murder, vivisections, extortion (everything that gets her faster to her goal)

Virtues: loyality to her allies, very skilled at murdering

This or That:

Introvert/Extrovert: She can be both, depends on her mood

Organized/Disorganized: Organized, because she had to learn it as a kid

Close-Minded/Open-Minded: open-minded, else she would have had difficulties with a whole new culture far away from her homeland.

Calm/Anxious/Restless: Calm, she rests in herself for the most of the time

Disagreeable/Agreeable/In-Between: As kid agreeable, but the older she gets the more in-between it is.

Cautious/Reckless: Cautious most of the time. She enjoys watching other people interact, but if it is not the outcome she wants she goes in between.

Outspoken/Reserved/In-between: In-between, because she is curious and sometimes she can´t keep her mouth shut.

Leader/Follower/Flexible: Flexible, but prefers to follow

Empathic/Unempathic/In-between: Empathic, she knows exactly how the others feel and uses it for her advantage.

Traditional/Modern/In-between: Mostly traditional, but sometimes she wants to try something new.

Hard working/Lazy: Hard working, because her past life consisted of hard work. But she knows her limits and stops if it is too much.

Relationships:

OTP: Gortash, for sure. There was no one else in her life whom she trusted more.

BrOTP: Astarion, because he reminds her of someone and he has no problem with murder. Shadowheart, she tries to comfort her about the memory loss.

NOTP: This is difficult... uh I guess Wyll? Because she could not understand why someone sells his soul for the greater good and puts the needs of others/strangers over their own.

I don´t know if this makes any sense or if there are inconsistencies. Took me longer as I expected and am tired rn 😴

But I had a lot of fun 😉

#oc: sakura #durge oc #dark urge #bg3 #bg3 durge #durge spoilers #bg3 spoilers #bg3 gortash #durge

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altairs-little-world · 2 years

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Can i request Rei Sakuma, Leo Tsukinaga, and Izumi Sena (Separate) react to seeing their s/o run to the playground before they could walk past it after their date? I imagine the reader asking rei if he could push them in the swings. Thanks in advance!

Rei, Leo, Izumi - Seeing their S/O run to a playground

Characters: Rei Sakuma, Leo Tsukinaga, Izumi Sena

Genres: Fluff

Small “tags”: Canon Universe, Mentioned dates, playground, comforting, swings, see-saw, playing tag, overthinking a lil’, Rei's old man mentality, everyone is just a big kid at heart, every scenario is a reader of diff personality I- /sobbing/

TW: None!

A/N: REI SAKUMA MY BELOVED orz (my cabbage may be staring daggers at me rn but omigoodness someone requested for the Rei of sunshine thank you)!

Ooo a lot more requests too, I’ll probably be posting and clearing off the short scenarios and HCs first as the others will take a longer time! Sorry to the anons who submitted earlier but will be having their request fulfilled much later - I’m not ignoring them, there’s none that I think should be ignored or dropped yet! Just need some more time to make sure the story’s good enough, please bear with me!

I think I may have gone a little off topic here and there in this one… Head empty only multiple Enstars scenarios that I think too much about- I hope you still enjoy it, though! (You can clearly see my bias toward Rei I think I’m sorry I love this old man)

REI SAKUMA ｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆

— Naturally, being an idol and a unit leader, Rei had a lot on his plate.

— But that wasn't going to stop him from spending time with you, his beloved! No, sir, when Rei Sakuma sets his mind on something, nothing can get in his way. And in this case, you were that something.

— You were pleasantly surprised with a date at the new dessert shop that opened nearby! The self-proclaimed vampire really knew how to take care of you and your sweet tooth.

— Due to the male's whines about the bright, scorching summer sun, both of you stayed in the cool, air-conditioned shop till the sunlight started to wane, offering a cooler atmosphere to walk home in, which you took.

— He holds your hand loosely, giving you the chance to pull away whenever you wanted, not that you normally would.

— Oh! What do we have there? You perk up when you spot the bright colours of the playground, and even more so at the empty swings swaying slightly in the wind. Swings! Your absolute favourite!

— You just couldn’t resist - you hadn’t been on a swing in so long, you were so deprived of the fun of playing one - and so you tighten your hand around Rei’s, dragging him along. Swings required 2 people to play, after all!

“Help push me? Please?” Oh, how could he not? There wasn’t even any need to act cute, though, in his eyes, you were so naturally adorable that it made everything you did seem cute. He loved you too much to deny anything of you, especially a simple request like this.

“Hold on tight then, sweet thing,” He nips at your earlobe as he speaks, enjoying how your ears turned red at the fleeting action and nickname. The brunette grips the sides of your seat, walking backwards to pull the swing back before letting go, relishing in your little “Wooo!” sounds as you swing forward. “You really enjoy this, don’t you? Perhaps we should come here more often.”

“Because it’s fun!” You said, stretching your legs out as the swing swung forward again, and tucking them in when it went backwards. “Have you never played on one before?”

“Kuku, certainly not. Ah, but I do remember pushing Ritsu on a swing once, when we were much younger,” Rei reminisces, a wistful note in his voice. “The person behind has to be the stronger one, isn’t that right? To be able to push the other forward, to catch them when they fall backwards…”

“Wait, wait,” You slow the swing to a stop with your feet against the playground floor, turning in your seat to meet his ruby-red eyes in a frown. “So you’ve never played on a swing because you’ve been going about some philosophy with how a swing works and you think you always have to be the stronger one?”

“When you say it like that, it doesn’t sound too good, does it?”

“Rei. Rei, my love, my sleepy vampire, my old man, this, a swing, is but a simple child’s play - there’s nothing deep behind it!”

“If you say so, my beloved,” He shrugs, bending over to pull the swing back again. You sigh at how he dismisses your words, releasing your grip on the chains to cup his fair face.

“And you, don’t think you always have to be strong. No one can be strong all the time, yeah?” Rei hums in agreement, or in satisfaction of having his face warmed by your hands, you didn’t know. “Rely on me too, alright? Love isn’t all about giving, giving, and giving.”

“I didn’t exactly mean that - you know how this old man talks.”

“Still, my statement stands.”

You stare at him stubbornly, refusing to release his head from your hands, until he gives a small laugh. Pale hands reach up and hold your hands, pulling them away from his face a little to press kisses onto your palm, smiling against the skin.

“... Thank you, my love.” Short, simple words, but it was more than enough to convey his feelings. “So, I assume you’ll be the one pushing me after you’ve had your fun on the swing?”

“Hm hm! If you want me to!” You lean forward to bump foreheads with him, smiling. Rei releases your hands after one last kiss, allowing you to hold onto the chains of the swing once again. “So stop being a moody old man and let’s continue playing!”

“Of course.”

He starts pushing you on the swing in a languid, rhythmic manner, your laughs and his chuckles filling the air in a joyful melody.

“Haha… Even this old man feels young when he’s with you~”

LEO TSUKINAGA ｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆

— With you two being morning people and somehow sharing a single braincell, you had both suggested meeting up at the nearby park for a morning stroll at the same time, laughing at the unanimous decision made between the both of you.

— To spend the first few hours of this pleasant day in each other's company was like a dream, your boyfriend humming little tunes in the late dawn of winter, tiny fangs showing when his signature smile adorns his face, dragging you closer to him.

— Leo's arm finds its place, draped over your shoulder to keep you right there, right next to him. You, obviously, had nothing against that. He was warm, and you loved him - there was no reason to escape from his grasp.

— Except maybe one. Your eyes lit up when you saw a playground, conveniently devoid of children since they were all at school at this hour. Twisting your neck to look up at your boyfriend, you stare at him, wide-eyed, while he meets your gaze with a curious smile.

— That was the only warning he got before you were gone from his side. He certainly wasn't expecting you to suddenly dash over the playground climber and nimbly climb up onto it. But he wasn't complaining! With someone like you by his side, his world was never devoid of surprises or happy laughter - the latter was now prompting Leo to run over and see just what you were up to.

“Haha! I claim this castle!” You proclaimed, waving your arms around at the structure you were on, leaning over the railings a little to look down at your boyfriend proudly. He only returns the smile, arms akimbo as he starts playing along with the little drama game that you initiated every so often.

“If that is your castle, my monarch, then as your knight, I naturally have access to it!”

“Uh oh - Then, out of here, I shall go!” Leo’s shoes made little “thunk” noises when he climbed up onto the playground climber, while you made your quick escape down a small slide that you couldn’t really slide that well on. It wasn’t meant for rowdy teenagers like the both of you, after all, but was that going to stop you two? No!

Your boyfriend made it down the slide with much difficulty too, immediately springing to his feet to chase you around in circles, snow crunching under your feet as you called out mocking comments.

Realizing this was going nowhere, with you expertly outrunning him all the time, Leo had a change of tactics. The sound of footsteps behind you slowed to a stop, followed by his bright voice. "Hey! Hey, look here, look what I found~!"

Turning around, you see the orange-haired male crouched as if he was about to pounce, emerald eyes glinting with mischievousness.

A small scream rings through the air as he tackles you into the snow, your voice accompanying him in laughter as Leo encases you in a tight hug and rolls all over the cold ground, leaving a trail of flattened snow. Thank goodness the two of you were wrapped up in heavy winter coats, or you’d be freezing by now!

Though, being with Leo, your music-loving ray of sunshine, you didn’t think you could ever feel cold. Even with your current position, lying on your side in the snow, you could feel his warmth from the arms around you and his breath mingling with yours as you both giggle from the activity.

“Tah-dah, I've found the light of my life!” He boasts, squeezing you into an even tighter hug and snuggling his face into the crook of your neck.

“Noooo! Let me go!” You wail in mock protest, struggling against his strong grip. Boy, for a baby-faced composer who hardly worked out other than idol practice, he was freakishly strong when it came to hugs.

“No can do! I- Gah??!” Anyway, a small surprise attack on his stomach with your fingers was all you needed to get the ticklish man to loosen his hold on you, hands pulling back to push your hands away. “Ha- Stop- Haha-!”

“And I’m free, once again!” Your jubilant theatrics continued, rolling away before getting up and dashing to the other end of the playground as Leo let out weak laughs, recovering from your “brutal” attack. He rolls onto his back and flops his arms on either side, chest heaving up and down as he tries to catch his breath. “Hey hey, not coming to catch your runaway monarch anymore, my knight~?”

The boy sits up at your provocation, jumping up to his feet with an energized grin yet again, chasing after your light as he always had.

“Run all you want, your majesty! Your knight will always be with you, one step behind!”

IZUMI SENA ｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆

— Izumi, being the high-standard romantic that he is, arranges for a candlelight dinner at a fancy restaurant downtown, of all things.

— As expected, you only stepped out of the restaurant - with your boyfriend linked to you by your hands - when the sky was pitch-black, with yellowish lights from lamposts and cars illuminating the roads.

— Wanting to spend more time with him, you suggested walking home together! Your knight amicably agrees with his charming smile, squeezing your hand in a small show of affection.

— Both of you share a conversation, chatting about what each of you had been doing in the time you’d been away from each other, resting your head on the other’s shoulder as you two strolled through the dimly lit streets.

— And then! Watching a deserted playground come into view, you were struck with one of your “silly thoughts” - as Izumi called them - shaking the male’s hand off to run over, knowing that he would follow your steps without questioning you. In the beginning, at least.

“What are you doing?” The question comes out as he catches up to you, with no bite behind his voice but instead genuine confusion. He was a little more used to how you acted on your whims by now, but still-!

“See-saw!” You stepped aside and flourished your hand at the fixture in the playground that had caught your eye. It was a favourite game of yours, the feeling of bouncing up and down into the air while someone else on the opposite side similarly went up and down in tandem with you, alternating between who was in the air and who had their feet on the ground. A game perfect for two!

His eyebrows creased, eyelids fluttering at you as he blinked. “And…?”

“Let’s play, let’s play!”

“In these??” Izumi waved down at the clothes you were both decked out in. Formal, elegant, and restricting. Entirely unsuited for playing like kids, as you’d suggested. “There is no way-”

You place a finger to his mouth, shushing the silver-haired male and earning a comical glare from him.

“Don’t frown so much, you’ll get wrinkles on your face!” A laugh escapes from you, your hand finding his again to drag him to the awaiting see-saw. “Here you go,” You sat him down on one end of the seesaw, patting his shoulders in satisfaction before running over to the other side to sit down.

“How does this work, anyway?” Izumi questions, folding his arms as you hike your leg over the seesaw, holding the handlebar but not sitting down just yet.

“You’ll see!”

“What do y- Ahh?!” He lets out a surprised and utterly undignified screech when you plop down on your side of the see-saw, pushing your weight down on the fixture and lifting his side into the air. The male scrambles to hold onto the handlebar like you were doing, looking down at you angrily. “Give me some warning before you do that, ugh!”

“Aha, sorry…” You said sheepishly, looking down almost immediately after you barely glimpsed his glaring pale blue eyes, ashamed. Why did you do that? Because you thought it’d be funny to scare him? You bit at your lip worriedly, hunching your shoulders. Maybe it would be best to get off this silly see-saw and head home instead of wasting any more time here… “Ah-?”

The ground suddenly moved away from you - no, you were moving away from the ground, the board beneath you lifting up. You looked up at the other side of the see-saw, where your boyfriend was, seeing him leaning back to apply more weight to hold you up while he watched you with concern.

Your eyes met, and Izumi’s gaze hurriedly shifted to a nonchalant one, looking as though he wasn’t worried about your reaction just a second ago. “You wanted to play, didn’t you? Get on with it already then, it’s getting late.”

A smile returns to your face. Truly, no matter how harsh or cold your lover was, underneath all those layers and facades held a warm and gentle love for you.

“Mhm!” You hum in response, and the creaks of the see-saw filled the air, a rhythmic harmony to the melody of your joyful giggles and his fond huffs.

“You’re really childish, you know?... Whatever, as long as you're happy.”

#enstars x reader #ensemble stars x reader #rei sakuma x reader #leo tsukinaga x reader #izumi sena x reader #rei sakuma #leo tsukinaga #izumi sena #ensemble stars

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