#but then again this might not be the actual order of the tracklist

[lesbiancarat]

u know I say track #5 is probably vocal unit since it's a slower song but part of me wonders if this is gonna be another all ot13 mini album

[svt-nari]

꽃 — the first mini album, by nari.

release date: 2023/05/25

tracklist:

play (ft. RM of BTS) *title | lyrics by nari & rm. composed by woozi, bumzu, nari. arranged by bumzu & nari.

dream of you *special track | lyrics by nari, woozi, joshua. composed by bumzu & woozi. arranged by nari & bumzu.

love me out loud | lyrics by nari. composed by nari & bumzu. arranged by bumzu.

ah puh! | lyrics by nari & woozi. composed by nari. arranged by woozi.

california dream | lyrics by nari & yunjin. composed by nari & yunjin. arranged by nari & yunjin.

flourishing *outro | lyrics by nari. composed by vernon, nari, woozi. arranged by bumzu & woozi.

the mv:

album contents

outbox: 1ea

cd: 1ea

photocards: 2ea of 4ea | random

poster: 1ea

signed polaroid: 1ea of 4ea (limited, first press only) | random

photobook: 1ea (78 pages)

postcard: 1ea of 2ea (only pre-order) | random

weverse benefit: 1ea of 2ea (hologram photocard) | random

album preview:

— she was the one who actually decided the design.

— it has only one version per nari’s own request.

— she knows about carat’s broke asses

— she helped with all the preparations and even signed 5k+ polaroids just for the album.

— each polaroid has a different message even though some might repeat due to her low creativeness.

— nari was really satisfied with the result and she was even more happy when fans praised her hard work!

— also, her most iconic photocards were made in this era. such as ‘nari bread’ and ‘nabi nari’, are her - now - most famous and desired photocards.

the concept photos:

— she had three photoshoots with similar but different concepts for the album.

— the first one had a more renascentist touch, the flower blindfold was actually her idea as she loved the thought of it on the final result.

— ended up being the main concept and being put as the album cover.

— the second concept is the fan’s favorite. people LOVE nari with some nabis on her hair!!!

— she loved this so much that she decided to put it as her weverse profile for fan’s enjoyment.

— she adores the last concept.

— she always wanted to do one of those ‘wet photoshoots’. she had so much fun (even though she freezing half of the time.

— she was the one who choose the clothing for this photoshoot.

album facts:

— the mv was filmed during seventeen’s tour. they filmed it in various different places, it doesn’t have a specific place.

— most of the dresses used by her in the mv were design made just for her.

— the members used to visit the mv sets a lot, nari was super happy that she wasn’t alone during it.

— she wrote all of the songs, she had some people co-writing with her and she felt really proud of the ending result.

— nari was so happy when rm accepted her invite to participate in the song without a second thought. he even wrote his rap part by himself.

— ‘play’ became a hit really quickly due to its addictive and fresh sound, the choreography (even though it’s quite difficult) was well accepted and turned into a challenge on tiktok.

— some songs, like ah puh! and love me out loud, were made a long time ago. she always wanted to release it and found the release of her first mini album the perfect opportunity to do so.

— for the production part nari only wanted woozi and bumzu to do it. she also participated and was really excited to work with the geniuses once again.

— the choreography was created by kim eun-ju and lia kim, nari also participated but it was mostly done by them.

— she was even more happy when her idea of an mv for dream of you got accepted by the company. nari sang the entire song in english, the main reason why it’s a special track.

— her solo album sold over 480k+ album while on the pre-order period. it got to 785k+ sales on the first week.

— one of the fastest selling female soloists, people were really impressed by her fame. she was expected to sell hundreds of thousands but netizens were still surprised by the amount.

all rights reserved © svt-nari, 2023

[cboffshore]

Well, less than twelve hours after wondering if I should make it: it's here, the official playlist for On Sea, Sunlight, and Sky! Cover art and everything, too.

Since Spotify doesn't allow track-by-track notes to be added, I've included commentary on each included song under the cut (as well as their names and artists so anyone who's not on Spotify can go look them up). If you're short on time, the most important thing to know is that order is not important here, as this is a rough collection of songs that either inspired or act as parallels to the series. You know, for when you want the energy of the fics without actually reading them.

Before the notes: here's the full cover art. I sourced all the illustrations from free art websites and Google listings, then edited them together and did some minor color correction in Sketchbook (on mobile, too!). I tried to go for a scrapbook style look, so I hand-cut each piece out with a rough eraser for a papery feel, then added text that I formatted in Canva, pulled the background out of, and textured.

Now: the tracklist and commentary!

"Escape Route" by Paramore: Given Nya's MO of GTFO throughout the series, I thought this would be a nice capstone track. I especially love the lines "Not quite a victory to run from your problems/But it's the only plan that I got, the only plan that I got" and "Where I'm going is everyone's story" in a meta kind of way. Where she's going - or trying to - is indeed this entire story.

"The Ballad of Mona Lisa" by Panic! At The Disco: Three out of four entries in OSSAS take their name from "Kaleidoscope Eyes," a bonus track from the same album as this one that's not on streaming services (although you can find it on YouTube). In the absence of the title track, I picked "Mona Lisa" for its ethereal opener and ominous guitar work. I also adore the line "A lonely speaker in a conversation/Her words are swimming through his ears again" for the prologue of IICT(OSC).

"Small Cuts" by The Brobecks: This is where "It Doesn't Take Much (To Cover Up Small Cuts)" takes its name from. I think the themes of covering up pain while wanting someone to acknowledge it works very well for that particular fic, but also for the series as a whole. My favorite OSSAS-ish line in this one is "She will leave you deaf and bewildered/Oh, how she floats like a butterfly, stings like a killer."

"Visitation Of The Ghost" by The Brobecks: From the same album as "Small Cuts," this is a delightfully spooky track (and if you want extra drama, go look up the "fancy studio version"). The second verse is especially relevant for reasons I'll try to articulate in the finale of this year's installment, if all goes well, so pay attention to that one ;)

"GLOOMTOWN BRATS" by I DONT KNOW HOW BUT THEY FOUND ME: This track brings us three for three on Dallon Weekes songs, and there's more where that came from! A brand-new release, this song is a panicky, funky track that acts as a nod towards Nya's canon distrust towards overblown luxury and Nadakhan's veneer of gentlemanly behavior.

"Tell That Mick He Just Made My List of Things To Do Today" by Fall Out Boy: It's loud, it's fast, it's snarky, it's bitter - this is a song to run away to. Take a look at that chorus, the chunk with the bridges and the piss, and tell me otherwise. This might be a personal thing, but the swell of the volume between the verses and the choruses makes me think of swooping ocean waves.

"Playing God" by Paramore: At its core, OSSAS is a power struggle. This song exemplifies that with its own hefty dose of Nya-aligned snark and poignant venting. I especially like the pairing of the lines "Next time you point a finger, I might have to bend it back or break it off/Next time you point a finger, I'll point you to the mirror" as a character analysis of both Nya and Nadakhan (as a bonus, this line will become very relevant in the IICT(OSC) finale - and not for the reasons you think).

"Nearly Witches (Ever Since We Met...) by Panic! At The Disco: Another one from the album that kicked all this off, this is yet another spooky, dreamlike track, with an undercurrent of lost love and regret that serves Nadakhan especially well. (For him, I think it's fun to take the shouted "And I regret never letting you go!" out of the song's context for the IICT(OSC) opening sequence.)

"mirrorball" by Taylor Swift: Something a little softer and solidly out of the 2000s alt rock scene, this song works nicely for the introspective sections of the series, especially when it comes to how Nya processes her situation. For that, I really like the line "I'll show you every version of yourself tonight/I'll get you out on the floor" and the general quietness of the track.

"Look Who's Inside Again" by Bo Burnham: This one is pretty specific to IICT(OSC) and actually almost gave the fic its title! It ultimately didn't, but I think it's still a good fit. If I listed every line that fit the story, I'd be writing out the whole song, so do us both a favor and go play it once or twice.

"Hold Me Like A Grudge" by Fall Out Boy: Yet another snarky one that I particularly like for both Nya and as a tongue-in-cheek reference to Nadakhan's constant physical contact despite the fact that he's growing to resent her and his own failings (literally holding her like a grudge). Nya is nothing if not a "full-time problem". (Also: the bass line on this is incredible.)

"Carry On" by Coeur de Pirate: This song actually inspired the post-Seabound Nya fics I wrote a while back, so it's a Nya song to me now. In the context of the newest series installment, I love the line "The light of the sundowns/On my fate" as a little bit of foreshadowing.

"YES MOM" by Tessa Violet: This one is unadulterated independence, power posing, and self-confidence - that is, Nya every time she kicks off some new menace behavior. "Push me down and I bounce right back/Trampoline and it's in my past/Rising like a phoenix, making fire from the ash" is a FANTASTIC sequence for her, in both the context of her little successes in this series and her origin as Samurai X.

"The Carpal Tunnel Of Love" by Fall Out Boy: Surrealist Wentz lyricism at its best, I chose this one for the underlying themes of relationships that are apparently destined to never work (like the one Nya's trying to avoid) and the sheer energy. I especially like the Wentz screaming section in the middle, and the lyrics for that part are pretty relevant - although unintelligible, so you might want to just look them up and read them on your own.

"Say Amen (Saturday Night)" by Panic! At The Disco: The music video for this one inspired the combat sequence in IICT(OSC). Aside from that influence, I think the lyrics that swing from wild confidence to existential despair are a great fit for the tone of this series.

"bury a friend" by Billie Eilish: I love that this one opens with a series of questions that range from simply wondering what's wrong with someone to wondering about what happens after death. If that's not a fun fit for Nya's arc in this series (we'll get to the death thing eventually, don't worry), I don't know what is. Again, there's a nice sense of bitterness in here, as well as those ominous male backing vocals muttering "Careful" and echoing the lyrics here and there.

"Choke - Acoustic" by I DONT KNOW HOW BUT THEY FOUND ME: Both versions of this track are awesome, but I like the gentle, almost taunting creepiness of the acoustic style in this one. The entire song is about hating a place, which I think is appropriate given the fact that Nya's trapped with someone she hates for the first three fics on the timeline and with memories she hates for "Small Cuts." In IICT(OSC), she loosely considers burning the Temple down as a means of escape, but finds that she can't, which lines up beautifully with "If I could burn this town, I wouldn't hesitate/To smile while you suffocate and die." And, in true Weekes style, there's another little commentary against undeserved wealth that works nicely with Nya's disdain for her situation.

"Absinthe" by I DONT KNOW HOW BUT THEY FOUND ME: As of IICT(OSC), beverages are a major plot device, which plays nicely with 'Whatever they give you, stop drinking it down!" and the title of the track. If "Choke" is Nya's TLDR opinion of the situation, "Absinthe" is Nadakhan's - but we'll get to that in the finale.

"Modern Day Cain" by I DONT KNOW HOW BUT THEY FOUND ME: Last IDKHOW track for a while, I promise! And I hate that I keep saying the finale is going to make a lot of these make sense, but if it's true for one song, it's true for this one, which did inspire some of what I'm working on for the final confrontation.

"The Calendar" by Panic! At The Disco: This one is only here for the lines "There is simply nothing worse than knowing how it ends" and "Anticipation's on the other line, and obsession called while you were out" as very thematically-appropriate lines. Also, a straight bop.

"Patches of Sky" and "Path of the Eclipse" by Coeur de Pirate from Child of Light: A little instrumental break, these are two of the pieces I keep on my default writing playlist. Ominous and optimistic in equal measure, I think these two fit OSSAS well.

"Disloyal Order of Water Buffaloes" by Fall Out Boy: This one is an absolute goldmine of lines that could work for either of the series leads. For Nya, I really like the repeated "Boycott love! Detox just to retox!/And I'd promise you anything for another shot at life/Imperfect boys with their perfect ploys/Nobody wants to hear you sing about tragedy!" For Nadakhan, I like (well, not LIKE like, but I definitely think it works) the slightly stalkerish and somewhat paranoid "Little girl, you got me staring odd/Or was that just a telescopic camera nod?"

"Time To Dance" by Panic! At The Disco: This one is perfect in ways I can't articulate succinctly, although I do want to say I love the detached and kind of panicky sarcasm of the opener as a summary of the overall series mood: "Well, she's not bleeding on the ballroom floor just for the attention/'Cause that's just ridiculously odd/Well, she sure is gonna get it!" There's also some desperation in there that works very well for every failed escape attempt or revenge plot.

"Leave Me Alone - Piano Version" by I DONT KNOW HOW BUT THEY FOUND ME: Surprise, more IDKHOW! The lyrics on this one are pretty straightforward - read it as an insulting monologue being hurled at Nadakhan if you'd like. I chose this one for the lonely, vaguely-frightened vocals over the stripped-down piano backing.

"Boy Division" by My Chemical Romance: I like this one for its high energy and fight scene vibes, but most importantly, look at those lyrics - don't they read as someone lamenting a situation they put themselves into? I think that works well for what I've done and plan to do to Nadakhan in this year's installment and any future ones.

"To The End" and "It's Not a Fashion Statement, It's a Fucking Deathwish" by My Chemical Romance: Songs from Three Cheers for Sweet Revenge automatically get Skybound brownie points for all the gore and the wedding theme. "To The End" reads as a mockery of Nadakhan's marriage plot; "Deathwish" is a fun examination of resilience and, well, revenge - I adore the line "I'm taking back the life you stole/This hole you put me in wasn't deep enough, and I'm climbing out right now/You're running out of places to hide from me!" as a general summary of what Nya's doing the whole time.

"F.T.W.W.W." by My Chemical Romance: Again, excellent action sequence energy here; this is what flipping the bird would sound like if it made noise. In the context of Skybound and this series, I really appreciate the line "The heart you got, it ain't the one you need."

"Karma" by Taylor Swift: Listen, this entire series is an excuse to flip the script on Nadakhan and let Nya take a crack at the whole "read your enemies and then use their flaws to beat them to an emotional pulp" tactic, because frankly that's a cool narrative device. Here's where "Karma" works best: remember the line in "Wishmasters" where Nya, with little other comment, tells Nadakhan that he'll be sorry? That's this song. There's a sort of "I know you're about to get your ass beat" energy, a sort of wink wink from the singer that subtly pokes the subject with the knowledge that only one person here is in the right.

[fritextramole]

standing alone at the top of the stairs

part 2 of a Jenny Humphrey playlist - best heard in order

tracklist and quotes under the cut

The Anthem ~ Good Charlotte

At my high school It felt more to me Like a jail cell A penitentiary My time spent there, it only made me see That I don't ever wanna be like you I don't wanna do the things you do

Fences ~ Paramore

Don't look up, just let them think There's no place else you'd rather be You're always on display For everyone to watch and learn from Don't you know by now? You can't turn back

Are You Satisfied? ~ MARINA

High achiever, don't you see? Baby, nothing comes for free They say I'm a control freak Driven by a greed to succeed Nobody can stop me

Sometimes ~ Nick Lutsko

I cut my tongue on the rust of a silver spoon I bet my billionth bottom dollar on a hopeless case And now the devil on my shoulder has a knife to my face

Teenagers ~ My Chemical Romance

The boys and girls in the clique, the awful names that they stick You're never gonna fit in much, kid But if you're troubled and hurt, what you got under your shirt Will make them pay for the things that they did

WTF Do I Know ~ Miley Cyrus

Think that I'm the problem? Honey, I'm the solution

Cherry Bomb ~ The Runaways

Can't stay at home, can't stay at school Old folks say, "You poor little fool" Down the streets I'm the girl next door I'm the fox you've been waiting for

Since You’re Gone ~ The Pretty Reckless

Since you been gone My life has moved along Quite nicely actually I've got a lot more friends And I don't have to pretend

killing boys ~ Halsey

And I'm not breakin', I won't take it And I won't ever feel this way again 'Cause you don't need me anymore, woah

Rebel Girl ~ Bikini Kill

I think I wanna take you home I wanna try on your clothes When she talks, I hear the revolution

Can’t Be Tamed ~ Miley Cyrus

I wanna fly I wanna drive I wanna go I wanna be a part of something I don't know And if you try to hold me back I might explode

Stop Me ~ Natalia Kills

Tonight we're gonna dance to the devil's drum And I need someone, need someone To stop me, stop me Stop me, stop me Stop me, stop me You can't stop me, stop me

She’s Leaving Home ~ The Beatles

She (We never thought of ourselves) Is leaving (Never a thought for ourselves) Home (We struggled hard all our lives to get by) She's leaving home after living alone (Bye-bye) For so many years

Nobody’s Child ~ Traveling Wilburys

I'm nobody's child Just like a flower I'm growing wild No momma's arms to hold me No daddy's smiles Nobody wants me I'm nobody's child

Fell In Love With a Girl ~ The White Stripes

Can't keep away from the girl These two sides of my brain need to have a meeting Can't think of anything to do, yeah My left brain knows that all my love is fleeting She's just looking for something new, yeah Said it once before but it bears repeating now

Horns ~ Bryce Fox

She can crush every hope Got her heels stompin' down my throat She got horns like a devil Pointed at me and there's nowhere to run From the fire she breathes

Yeah Right ~ Evanescence

My one mistake was giving more and more and more More and more and more

brutal ~ Olivia Rodrigo

They say these are the golden years But I wish I could disappear Ego crush is so severe God, it's brutal out here

I Got Stripes ~ Johnny Cash

I got chains - chains around my feet I got stripes - stripes around my shoulders And them chains - them chains they're about to drag me down

Like a Rolling Stone ~ Bob Dylan

Once upon a time you dressed so fine Threw the bums a dime in your prime, didn't you? People call say 'beware doll, you're bound to fall' You thought they were all kidding you You used to laugh about

Trust ~ Lucy Dacus

I've learned a lot since I began But I think I was wiser then I've done too much and not enough

Lua ~ Bright Eyes

When everything is lonely I can be my own best friend I get a coffee and the paper have my own conversations With the sidewalk and the pigeons and my window reflection The mask I polish in the evening by the morning looks like shit

Pressure to Party ~ Julia Jacklin

I know I've locked myself in my room But I’ll open up the door and try to love again soon

[stuffnonsenseandotherthings]

5 Songs Tag - QL Edition

Credit to @troubled-mind for the idea! Thank you @rocketturtle4 for leaving the prompt open and letting me jump in on this.

📝 Rules:

When you get this, list 5 songs from the Asian QL shows that you actually listen to.

♪♪♪They do not have to be custom-made for the series.

♪♪♪Non-western tracks only. Let's support Asian music and languages!

♪♪♪ Feel free to tag anyone who may be interested participating.

♪♪♪ Add #5qls tag to your post for others to find the new favourites!

1. Romantic Devil - Coldin

Semantic Error may have a very small OST list but it's a pretty darn good one that does its job well. This song caught my ear immediately when I was watching Semantic Error and I've never looked back since. I listen to this song whenever I'm out and about and want to feel a little bit of added confidence by channeling my inner Jae Young.

2. Rock & Star - Fourth Nattawat

I love pretty much all of the MSP OST tracklist but Rock & Star just might be my favourite (by a very small margin though, so many of the songs and covers are amazing, Just Being Friendly could honestly be here, as could Let Me Tell You and ฟัง). It honestly makes me so happy whenever I listen to it, 💯 points and no complaints.

3. Just Friends - Nanon

I won't lie, normally when someone picks up a guitar in a bl it's my queue to press the skip button until they've put it down again because I am completely willing to potentially miss a little bit of plot in order to avoid even a millisecond of second hand embarrassment. Just Friends was the first time my hand paused over the fast forward button and I'm so glad it did, I love this song.

4. What Don't You Stay - Jeff Satur

I have actually never watched KinnPorsche (shock horror gasp) and I don't currently intend to (screams of horror) because I know my own tastes pretty well at this point and I don't think they align. Maybe one day though, who knows. That being said, I have seen interview clips and have enjoyed Jeff and Barcode as a very chaotic friendship/mentor and I am completely willing to admit Jeff has a beautiful voice that I can listen to for hours.

5. Night Flower - Ahn Ye Eun

Okay, I'm cheating a little because this is from a webtoon and not a TV show BUT given part of the point of this tag is to celebrate Non-western artists and music, I think it can be given a pass. Ahn Ye Eun is one of my favourite artists. Full. Stop. I absolutely adore her and her voice and I got so excited when I found out she's writing songs for BL webtoons now, I just really hope we get to hear her in an OST for a (historical) K-QL soon because that would be A TREAT.

Her style is Trad-Fusion and mixes techniques and styles from traditional Korean music with more modern pop elements and I fell in love with it the first time I heard it (and maybe you will too, I definitely recommend checking out her other works if you can).

[eddsworldstuck]

i'm busy with Game of Dice stuff *looks directly at the thumbnail i need to draw and matches i recorded that i gotta look through to see if they're worth editing. then looks at the stuff i wanna write for Game of Dice*

i'm also like, waiting for the new Marianas Trench album, Haven, to release on the 30th this month cause i just know there's the chance i might change more chapter titles to the new songs lol. i'm pretty sure the act names are set in stone. last act and its chapters i don't see changing at all from what i already have.

like, the entire tracklist has been revealed but it also matters that the song itself and its lyrics fit to what i wanna name a chapter after (i spent a good hour or so looking through music i listen to for the original timeline act/chapter names before some got renamed).

...on a side note, guess who just changed another chapter name cause one of the songs randomly released and i just saw it appear on my Spotify randomly

that's 4 songs from Haven used for ews chapter names, help

also i just had the easiest time getting Brave Alfonse to +10 in feh and the tord yootooz i pre-ordered earlier in the year is gonna start shipping towards the end of this month i'm gonna hit him with a hammer /j

so august is a good month this year lol :)

anyway on a story note: A1C1 is almost done (not including time i'd set aside in wanting to get it beta read cause i frequently find mistakes after i post lol). but the main thing holding me back is still thinking about entry artifacts. i have the idea of what i want the artifacts to mean but thinking of what they will be and how they solve their puzzle holds me back lol.

anyway again, have these in the meantime

some excerpts from A1C1. it's just about the handles i made for the 4.

random bit from a future act & chapter cause their dynamic is just this to me. the sylph/RT is 🤏 always this close to strangling her fellow derse dreamers [you look closer and see my fingers are touching.]

rough sketches of prospit/derse stuff, using slightly redesigned versions of fancy dreamself outfits i've designed years ago. no i'm not sure if they actually wear these in the story itself or simple dreamself outfits instead, but i like these designs and wanna use them somewhere. idk when this one will finish. ...and also i have a game of dice piece i need to finish. all their designs is based on their class outfits in someway. Tom only kinda where it's mostly the cape and i kinda used something else as inspo. "what's the other inspo?" Captain Dr. X i guess you can consider this piece a successor to a very old prospit/derse piece i made in 2014. ...also i finally got the idea to make this after listening to moonlight daydream on repeat. altho it's a song that would fit the duo instead. no there is not a chapter named after this song, but i was real close on doing so lol.

and rough sketches of the fancy dreamself outfits of the duo cause why not. like the others, SA's outfit is based on her class outfit (Mage, fanon design). RT is the only one not based on her class and is being based on Filipino and Laotian fashion. with some added details. "why is she different?" cause the reason i had years ago when i designed my og idea for fancy dreamself outfits: i wanted Filipino and Laotian inspiration somewhere because i'm Filipino Laotian. this is one of the few times y'all can see her face. we also won't see their dreamselves in ews anyway cause they've already ascended/god tiered.

[pantoneyoongi]

i think i loved you more. | kth

title ; i think i loved you more.  you don’t even think about me. 

description ; how could you love me and then walk away?

cast ; taehyung x you

word count ; 3.2k

tracklist ; chilly - niki, fools - troye sivan, consequences - camila cabello, the apartment we won’t share - niki 

tags ; best friends to lovers to exes, angst, it’s literally just angst, anyway surprise!! i didn’t think i’d actually finish this but here we are so i hope u like it 

present 

it would be a lie to say you haven’t thought about taehyung in years. it would be a lie because taehyung crosses your mind far more frequently than you care to admit, occupying his own little corner, sitting so comfortably there that he’s made a home out of it, the kind of thing you wish didn’t feel like such a constant in your life, and yet, it is. 

and while you’re relatively good at pretending taehyung isn’t a permanent facet in your mental inventory, a part of you still knows full well that he loiters. you should’ve fined him six months into it; either he start paying rent or move the fuck on out of your head. 

of course, then, you’d have to admit you never moved on as much as you should have. 

regardless, there are still times when he doesn’t linger in the recesses of your mind, when your thoughts decide to take a break from playing grainy film reels of memories that you can’t seem to burn. photos can be deleted but it’s much harder to erase the sight of his lips slowly curving upwards, until it grows into that big, goofy grin you love so much. 

loved. loved, so much. 

the point being, that for once you weren’t thinking of taehyung tonight. it’s a little difficult to be thinking of past love affairs when you’re too busy trying to find and squeeze yourself into a hoseok-appropriate outfit (how come yoongi gets away with wearing whatever the hell he wants but if it’s you it’s all, ‘i know damn well you can do better than that y/n,’ and ‘i know you did not come to this fancy ass restaurant in jeans y/n’ like? it’s blatant favoritism.) 

by the time you show up to whatever new instagram-aesthetic restaurant hoseok has been begging you to come with him to lately, you’re approximately ten minutes late. by your standards - it’s not so bad. yoongi might not even whine about being forced to wait for you to show up to order something more than drinks. 

(come to think of it, maybe hoseok doesn’t play favorites. you have to wear something nice; yoongi isn’t allowed to start eating without you. all things considered, you pulled the better bargain.)

“fucking finally,” yoongi groans, as you slide into the booth across from him. yoongi never does pass up an opportunity to complain. 

“it’s not even 7:30,” you wave him off. a waiter sets down a plate of calamari in front of you and you raise your brows. “and it looks like you got an appetizer anyway.” so much for waiting for you. 

“that’s because in five minutes they would’ve kicked us out for waiting any longer,” yoongi raises his brows back at you, eyes darting away only so he can gauge when hoseok is finally satisfied with the number of photos he’s snapped. 

“cut her some slack,” hoseok tucks his phone away. “she dressed like a person today. that probably took some time.” 

you stare at him. “that’s it? that’s all i get?” 

hoseok grins. “you’re ten minutes late, i can’t be honest with you or your ego will get too big. if i tell you you look stunning, next time you’re gonna show up twenty minutes late looking breathtaking.” 

“or i could show up on time in a hoodie,” you offer, cackling when his expression flattens immediately, unimpressed with you. hoseok knows you enjoy dressing up, it’s just that you’re too lazy to do it if he isn’t there to badger you about it. 

“here,” he passes you a menu, which you flip open and browse through as he starts chattering on about his day, complaining about how namjoon got on his ass again about something or another at his job. 

“i love him, i do, but that man is anal as fuck,” hoseok gripes, to which yoongi smirks and hoseok narrows his eyes back. lucky for hoseok, yoongi is too busy enjoying his calamari to be bothered to stop eating just to fire off sexual innuendos about hoseok and his love/hate relationship with his coworker. 

you glance around the restaurant. it’s a nice place, as expected given it was hoseok’s choice. it has a bit of an old-timey look, but what makes it stand out is the space carved out in the center, where you spot couples dancing together, or friends dragging each other onto the dance floor, laughter intermingling with the jazzy tune playing over the speakers. 

taehyung would like this place. 

for someone as mischievous and childish as taehyung, he liked jazz a lot. in retrospect it made a lot of sense - the sassiness in the notes, the moments when the music would take a surprise leap in another direction. it suited taehyung. he was whimsical and unexpected, a troublemaker and everybody’s favorite. 

including yours. 

.

.

.

sophomore year of high school 

“miss y/l/n,” mr. kang stops you in the hall. “have you seen taehyung?” 

you blink back at your teacher. “no,” you’re a little baffled why he’s asking you. how are you supposed to know where taehyung is?

mr. kang makes a displeased expression. he grunts. “that kid owes me homework. if you see him, send him my way, please.” 

mr. kang is an older, crankier teacher, but he’s also one of the most lenient. taehyung’s lucky the two of you got him for language arts; anybody else would’ve simply given taehyung a zero on his missing essay and called it a day. that’s all that crosses your mind when you head off, in search of your friend. 

it turns out, mr. kang stopping you in the hallway is the first in a long series of people asking you for taehyung’s whereabouts. you don’t consider yourself stuck to him like glue, but it seems the rest of the school does, the remainder of high school passing with questions of, hey can you pass this along to taehyung? or have you seen taehyung? or do you know if taehyung’s busy this weekend? as if you’re his keeper. but you’re only his friend. no one could ever be taehyung’s keeper. 

you wonder sometimes if anyone ever asks taehyung about you. you know of course the answer is no, because, for one, no one can ever seem to find taehyung in the first place, and two, nobody’s ever looking for you if they’re not already looking for him, anyway. 

you always knew taehyung was a troublemaker, but much like the rest of the school, he had you wrapped around his little finger. he wasn’t exactly the class clown, per say, but he could still upturn a whole class with a few well-timed, choice words, leaving teachers scrambling to get everyone back in order. he had a mischievous streak, but not enough to be considered a bad boy - just enough to have his grades dropping a little more than they probably should have, between the missing homeworks and the crammed studying he did right before his exams. 

but he was a good guy. he was your best friend. he made your goody-two-shoes life just that little more entertaining, and he loved to do just that. the only detentions you ever got were because he was involved in them, but they were far and few between, because taehyung rarely let you take the fall for anything. taehyung might’ve gotten you into trouble - but he also did his best to get you out of it. 

maybe that’s why you loved him. taehyung was balanced in an odd sort of way. or maybe it was just that he balanced you. 

you think maybe because of that you might’ve followed him to the end of the world and back if he’d have let you. 

.

.

.

junior year of high school 

“this is really weird,” you state, staring at the plastic baby in taehyung’s arms. sex ed is fine, maybe a little exasperating to get through considering half the boys in your class can’t talk about sexual organs without snickering or looking much more confused than they really should be, but this parenting assignment? 

this is really fucking weird. 

“i just wish it was cuter,” taehyung rocks the (again - plastic) child in his arms. “there’s no way you and me would pop out a baby this ugly.” 

you choke on your juice. you have never once in your life considered ‘popping out a baby’ with taehyung. your mind does work at quick speeds on a regular basis, but now it’s doing double time imagining a future with taehyung and - unnecessarily - the probable process that is required in order to have said child. 

stop. stop. this is so incredibly off limits. 

when you’re older - and taehyung is somehow yours, for a time - you learn that it’s actually really easy to imagine a future with taehyung. it’s easy to see him in your life for the rest of eternity because taehyung isn’t shy about wanting to spend his time with you. you were fully prepared to pair off with jimin for this assignment but taehyung gave you an offended look and said, “are you really ditching me for jimin?” 

you don’t think there’s anything wrong with jimin, considering jimin is a much better student than taehyung. 

but also it’s taehyung. so he has a point. 

taehyung passes you a napkin. he doesn’t look at you when he says it, but, “is it really that weird to think about?” 

“think about what?” 

he looks up. the smile that taehyung usually has playing on his face at all times is nowhere to be found. “you and me,” he says, softly. 

he looks like he wants to say more, but he stops there, eyes trained on yours. you feel like your heart is simultaneously frozen in your chest and racing at an unhealthy rate, pounding hard against your ribcage. you don’t understand him. you understand him completely. he knows you do. between the two of you, you’ve always been the smart one. 

but then he cracks a grin, unreadable, dark eyes transforming into those familiar, bright ones again. “yeah, you’re right,” he sighs as if you’ve even said a word. “i’m way out of your league.” 

you sock him hard in the arm and relish in his cry of pain. 

.

.

.

senior year of high school 

taehyung falls in love with you first. 

you don’t know it, until you do. until he’s catching you from tripping over your heels at the homecoming dance, both arms secure around you, breath catching because your faces are too close together and it makes him nervous. 

he wants to kiss you, and you can tell. 

he doesn’t. he simply lifts you back upright, cheeks dusted in pink and hands shoved back into his pockets, a teasing remark slipping past his lips that you swat at him for. 

he tells you to slip off your heels - “who cares, y/n? just dance!” and taehyung, like always, is good at convincing you to do anything. 

taehyung falls in love with you first. he kisses you on your doorstep when he drops you home after the dance. he falls in love with you first, and you can tell. 

but you fall in love with him harder, and when you get older, when you’re no longer a teenager in love, when you’re no longer distracted by the feeling consuming your chest, blooming into roses and lilacs and carnations, you’ll wish you weren’t able to tell. 

but you can. 

.

.

.

present

loving taehyung was a lot of things. 

it was secret glances from across the room. it was snickers bitten down, eyes alight with laughter you weren’t allowed to let out because your teachers were frowning down at you. it was those absolutely massive hugs only kim taehyung could give out - crushing you tight against him, leaving you basking in his warmth and that ever-familiar woodsy scent of his. it was screaming when he lifted you clean off the ground to spin you in circles, until he got dizzy and you both toppled to the ground - but taehyung was always careful in making sure you landed on him, a clumsy but soft fall, filled with giggles and crinkled, crescent eyes. 

loving taehyung was wishing he’d have let you go in the same way - clumsily, but softly. 

your eyes wander the dance floor. you spend too much time creating new memories with taehyung that will never happen. no one else knows the way you still wonder what it’d be like to pass him on the street, or bump into him in the grocery store. if he’d smile at you and ask how you’re doing, or if whatever look on his face at the moment would drop and suddenly he’d be unreadable, like he was when he left you. 

but they’re just fantasies. daydreams and idle passings. taehyung is your first love and he was your best friend to top it off. it makes sense that it’s hard for you to let go, even years and various partners after the fact. 

“did you just say seokjin’s having a kid?” hoseok near shouts, yoongi wincing at the volume and rubbing at his ear. 

“yeah,” he grumbles, digging at the food on his plate. “you don’t have to sound so surprised about it. you knew they were trying.” 

you open your mouth to respond, head turning back to pay attention to your friends, when you stop, lips still parted from a sentence that never quite hits the air. 

yoongi notices. he turns in the direction you’re looking, which makes hoseok turn in the direction he’s looking, and both of them immediately quiet. 

taehyung. 

passing fantasies, fleeting memories, all of them scramble in your head and form kim taehyung from across the floor. you were right. taehyung does like this place. 

there’s a girl wrapped around him, dancing with him. you hardly notice her, rather, it’s the way he smiles, eyes alight, mischievous as ever, closed-lipped smile turning slowly into a wide grin. 

he looks happy. it’s funny because it’s been years and you’ve promised yourself you’ve moved on and yet at just the sight of him you know it was wrong to keep him lingering in the back of your mind every day, pretending it’s just a habit from years of knowing and loving taehyung. 

he spins her around and you’re thrown back into a life that no longer belongs to you. he pulls her close and you watch a future you still dream of sometimes crumble into dust. his eyes shine and you feel the wind sweep away the ashes, your heart sinking low in your chest. 

maybe yoongi and hoseok are trying to talk to you. maybe you should pay attention, maybe you should listen, maybe you should react to hoseok’s gentle touch on your arm trying to get you to come back down to earth. but you don’t hear or feel any of it. you and taehyung were years in the making. it’s funny how easily that all went away. it’s funny how years pass and he looks so happy. without you. taehyung is happy without you. 

some part of you is slowly running reels through your mind. black and white and gray - the way taehyung kissed you, the way taehyung spun you in circles, the way taehyung curled up beside you in bed, tugging you close to his chest, murmuring about forever. 

the thing about taehyung is that you always knew he was a flight risk. taehyung doesn’t sit still. taehyung can’t even hold a single topic for longer than five minutes, so maybe it’s your fault for believing he’d love you for longer than he actually did. maybe it’s your fault for thinking he’d hold onto you, settle down with you. 

it’s just - you really thought he would love you enough to stay. 

the other half of your brain is running reels in color - reds and blues and greens, a child, a home, a ring. sometimes it shifts back into black and white, like one of those old-timey films taehyung loves so much, where things were oddly domestic, honey, i’m home - taehyung loved to swing open your apartment door singing those words. 

that apartment is someone else’s now. your furniture is gone. your clothes are elsewhere. his hoodies aren’t mixed with yours. 

it’s funny. it would be a lie to say you haven’t thought about taehyung in years. it would be a lie because you think about taehyung every single fucking day but when you see him across the room, tangled with someone else, you know. 

i don’t think i even cross your mind anymore.

.

.

.

they say there are three types of everlasting loves. 

one. your first love. puppy love, giddy, fresh and young and exciting. clumsy and filled with good intention. and generally never meant to last. but everything is new, everything is a first - and you never really forget your firsts. 

two. the person you will never be able to forget. the person you will probably love most, even if things don’t work out. the person who connects with you in a way that you never thought was possible, someone who aligns right next to you - until they don’t. until life gets in the way. until even loving them isn’t enough to keep things together. 

three. your last love. the person you choose, every day. the person you want for forever, the person who maybe doesn’t light up the kind of sparks you get with your first love, or make you feel the depth that you feel with the person you’ll never forget, but still - they love you, and you love them, and it feels stable. it feels right. it feels everlasting. 

taehyung’s eyes meet yours from across the room and you know there’s no one else but you who would’ve noticed his reaction. the marginal twitch in his expression, the way his eyes flicker in recognition of you. the subtle tenseness he gets in his fingers, the way he has to blink out the memory of you. 

taehyung loved you first. you knew that. you knew it in the way he left roses in your locker or traded lunches with you when you didn’t like yours. you knew it in the way he lost his breath at the sight of you in a prom dress, or how he lit up at the prospect of going to college together. 

but you loved him more. you knew that too. you knew it in the way you suggested living together first, in the way you waited every day for him to come home. you knew it in the way you buried yourself in his clothes when he wasn’t around, in the way you carefully prepared anniversary gifts while he had a tendency to forget. you knew it in the way you were always reaching for his hand even when he was pulling away, knew it when you were the one whispering i love you in the dark when he was fast asleep. 

you knew, because he was the one who left you. 

there are three types of everlasting loves. for taehyung, you’re the first. 

for you, taehyung might be all of them. even if he doesn’t choose you, it seems you never stopped choosing him. 

the world colors itself back in slowly. you don’t know how long taehyung’s eyes are on yours. you just know that he’s the first to look away, a loving smile directed to his partner, a smile that no longer belongs to you. 

the last remaining part of your heart - that was holding on to something you knew wasn’t ever coming back for you - shatters. 

i don’t think i ever stopped loving you. 

[bunnywand]

paramore’s “b-sides”

so, there’s this fan-made compilation of paramore’s rare songs, that originally came out in around 2008. it collects practically all of their hard to find non-album songs, and to this day is still one of the first things you’re gonna come across when you start looking into these songs, which i think is pretty impressive staying power for a fan-made compilation from nearly 15 years ago!! 😧

but the title “b-sides” is incredibly misleading, because it contains everything from actual b-sides, to hayley’s solo demos, to soundtrack and compilation album appearances and more?? and as i’ve looked into it, there’s very few sources that actually discuss the song’s origins, and some of the sources that do are from around the time it was first made, and are massively outdated and incorrect now.. so it could be pretty confusing for people trying to look up info about these songs 😵‍💫

so i thought i’d make my own post about it, partially cos i just like doing this sort of thing, but also for anyone who might be interested in learning some more about some of paramore’s more obscure songs!! ☺️

because this post ended up waaay longer than i thought it was gonna be, i’ve put it under a read more, and although this might be far more information than most people will ever need, i had fun doing this and even learnt some things i didn’t know before!! 😅

so to start.. as far as i can tell, this is the original tracklist for “b-sides,” when it was first released in 2008:

decoy

another day

oh star

stop this song (lovesick melody)

just like me

temporary

my hero

stuck on you

hello hello

when it rains (demo version)

emergency (crab mix)

rewind

this circle

adore

my number one

here we go again (live)

sunday bloody sunday

this is the version that my friend sent me song by song over msn in 2009 and was how i listened to these songs for years 😅 but the tracklist has been revised a lot over time, removing some songs and adding a tonne more, like for example, the version of the album on youtube (which has over 500k views, and is probably where most people will discover the album) also has:

decode (acoustic)

i caught myself

throwing punches

love’s not a competition (but i’m winning it)

swim in silence

stay away

native tongue

escape route

and according to the paramore wiki, the most recent version of the album (altho i have no idea where this is actually available for download??) removed some of those and added:

hallelujah (demo)

breathe (until tomorrow)

teenagers

oh star (demo)

in the mourning (demo)

which i’m pretty sure makes that the full list of songs that have been included in the compilation at one point or another 😧 and as you can see, there’s a tonne of different songs from all throughout their career.. but they’re all just lumped together with no differentiation, and in a kind of random order 😅

so, getting round to the song’s origins.. i’m gonna attempt to list them in chronological order, but might be hard for some of them, so it’s not gonna be absolutely perfect 😅

hayley williams’ 2003/2004 demos (adore, another day, breathe (until tomorrow), hello hello, just like me, my number one, stay away, swim in silence, throwing punches): these songs are not technically paramore songs, and were never intended to be. according to hayley herself, they were recorded between the original 2002 incarnation of paramore, and when they officially got together in 2004, and were used to get hayley signed to her first production deal

they’re often called the “2004 demos,” although seeing as hayley got signed in 2003, i don’t know how accurate that actually is and they could be from earlier?? i’m also not sure where the downloads for them originally appeared from or how they got leaked, and there’s downloads for these demos separate from the b-sides compilation that also include “temporary” ..but i’m fairly certain that wasn’t actually a 2004 demo as i’ll talk about later. these songs have never been officially released, which is a real shame because even as low quality demos, they’re really fucking good 🙁

i’m not sure why 4 of these (“breathe (until tomorrow),” “swim in silence,” “stay away” and “throwing punches”) weren’t included on the original version of the b-sides compilation, as they were available on the 2004 demos download from the same time, so people definitely had access to them, so i might have to try and do some more looking into that 🤔

hallelujah (demo): a version of hallelujah that was apparently recorded during the all we know is falling sessions in 2005, but has never been officially released

“sound of superman” soundtrack (my hero): for the soundtrack of the 2006 film “superman returns,” paramore recorded a cover of foo fighter’s song “my hero.” it’s a pretty good album and also has a great cover of r.e.m. by the academy is... too!! an “electronic mix” of this cover also appeared as a b-side on one of the misery business vinyl singles, but oddly enough it doesn’t look like that version was ever included on the b-sides compilation

the summer tic ep (emergency (crab mix), oh star, stuck on you, this circle): paramore released this ep for the 2006 warped tour, containing an alternate version of “emergency” and 3 other songs. “oh star” (or “o’ star”) was apparently one of the first paramore songs ever wrote, all the way back in 2003, and also appeared as a b-side on the “emergency” single in 2005. it also has a demo version, which i imagine was recorded some time in 2004/2005, and was never released officially.

“this circle” also appeared as a b-side on one of the other misery business vinyls, and both it and “o’ star” were included on the 10th anniversary edition of “all we know is falling”

“misery business” b-sides (stop this song (lovesick melody), sunday bloody sunday): as well as the previously mentioned songs, these 2 were also released as b-sides on different editions of the misery business singles. “stop this song” also appeared as a bonus track on a deluxe version of riot! which i’ll cover shortly

“hallelujah” b-sides (decoy, when it rains (demo version)): despite often being called a “demo” song and lumped in with the other demos, decoy is actually a proper studio track, that appeared on the hallelujah single, as well as a deluxe version of riot! along with the “when it rains” demo

riot! deluxe edition bonus tracks (rewind (demo), temporary (demo), here we go again (live)): there’s a tonne of different deluxe versions of riot! all with different bonus tracks, which apart from the ones i’d already mentioned also includes these ones. “temporary” appearing here is what makes me doubt it was a 2004 demo, because as hayley said, those songs weren’t paramore songs and weren’t intended to be, so i think it as well as “rewind” were just songs that never made the cut for either all we know is falling or riot! 🤔

the live version of “here we go again” is apparently from a 2006 performance in anaheim, and also later got included on a deluxe version of all we know is falling

radio 1’s live lounge - volume 3 (love’s not a competition (but i’m winning it): a kaiser chiefs’ cover paramore recorded for bbc’s live lounge in 2008. although this song is on the version of “the b-sides” on youtube, it’s been removed from the most recent version of the compilation, although i’m not sure why

“twilight” soundtrack (decode (acoustic), i caught myself): probably the 2 most well known songs from this list, “decode” and “i caught myself” were on the soundtrack for “twilight” in 2008. the acoustic version of “decode” is the b-side from the decode single released a couple of weeks before the soundtrack itself

it’s the fact that these 2 well known and popular songs were included on the b-sides album alongside the rare and obscure songs that made me want to write this list differentiating the songs in the first place, especially after i found a blog post from 2010 that called “i caught myself” a 2004 demo, like.. no.. it wasn’t.. 😑

“jennifer’s body” soundtrack (teenagers): a hayley williams’ solo song she did for the “jennifer’s body” soundtrack in 2009, i don’t know why this was included on the album because it’s definitely not a paramore song, but it’s a cool rarity at least??

in the mourning (demo): a video of a short performance of “in the mourning” was posted on paramore’s site and youtube in early 2011, about 11 months before the actual song came out. it’s more of an acoustic sneak peek than an actual demo, but i suppose it’s notable enough to include

self-titled bonus tracks (escape route, native tongue): originally released as bonus tracks on some limited editions versions, as well as the japanese version, of the self-titled album in 2013, they later got a wider release on the 2014 deluxe version of the album, which is why they’ve been removed from the most recent version of “the b-sides”

and there you have it!! there are actually even more paramore b-sides and bonus tracks than this, mostly either live or acoustic versions from various singles and deluxe editions, but i figured this post had got long enough already (and they’ve never appeared on any versions of the “b-sides” compilation) so i didn’t include them 😅

but thank you to anyone who reads this, especially considering how long it got, and i hope there was something interesting in here for you!! 🥰

[tpwkxxangel]

Is this the real life? pt. 4

**not my photo**

my masterpost; fic masterlist; part 1; part2; part 3

[warnings: alcohol consumption, language, angst?]

Screaming, crying, throwing up. Multitasking if you will.

That’s all I’ve wanted to do for the past 24 hours. I’ve been going through the motions of life trying to hold myself together instead of going into a fangirl meltdown. Since I read Harry’s message, my brain has gone blanks.

@/Harry_Styles: Hey Y/N! I was just wanting to check in and see how you were doing after the show last night? -H

Such simple words that caused my brain to malfunction.

He knows I exist. I know that’s so stupid of a statement to finally absorb when I literally held a conversation with him, but how am I expected to function now that he knows I exist?

What makes matters worse, is that I haven’t even told the group chat. I can’t just shoot a text saying ‘Hey! My day’s been great. The meeting went well, I got an extra set of those cool detachable erasers ... oh and Harry DM’ed me on Twitter.’

That would not go over well at all. Luckily we have our weekly zoom session tonight so I can discuss the knowledge of my existence with them face to face.

Now what makes me nervous is the fact that I’ve left him on read for more than 24 hours now. What if he doesn’t want to talk to me now? What if I took too long and he forgot about me? What if--

I physically shake myself from my thoughts. My friends will know what to do. I pop the bottle of wine open and grab the bottle and a glass before making my way to my room. We have our ‘Weekly Wine Night’ as Dove calls it.

I pull up the zoom app on my laptop before starting the meeting and sending everyone the link. It usually takes them a few minutes to join, so I pour myself a hefty amount of wine in the glass before taking a leisurely sip.

“Hey bitches! Who’s ready to get fucked up?” Rachel raises her own glass of pink wine to the camera as everyone pops up.

We all laugh at her antics. She’s often the first one to pop the bottle and last to put it down. A party animal through and through and we couldn’t love her more.

“Ugh, can I go first this week? I have to tell you guys about the customer that I had to deal with on Wednesday,” Katie rolls her eyes, “It was like a wild Karen entered the building and I was not having it!”

She proceeds to tell us about a woman who entered her arts and crafts store to pick up an order, but wouldn’t leave once she received it. She tried to get a refund and store credit when she threw a fit over nothing.

We all laugh and talk about other stories of our week, some about people from high school who were blasting their lives all over Facebook.

For the first time since his message, I actually feel somewhat centered. We all met about two years ago. We were all placed into a group chat with a very very controlling fan. She branded herself as the ‘leader’ of our group when we were all trying to have fun on Twitter. When Harry started to promote his new album, the fans went crazy with new theories about the tracklist and things. She stole all our ideas and tweeted them as her own. It was just a very toxic environment, so we were sure to move chats and block her from all platforms.

“Anything interesting on your end, Y/N?” Dove asks noticing my far off expression.

“Um,” I take another sip of wine hoping to ease the words that come next, “I received an interesting DM yesterday.”

“Was it from that account that got suspended and is trying to get their ratio back using their back up account again?” Sofie rolls her eyes.

I laugh, because I did get one of those yesterday too, “No, no, um, this one was from Harry.”

Everyone quiets down. I think they are waiting for me to say ‘just kidding’ or ‘gotcha’ but I figured I might as well tell them now before I ignore Harry anymore.

“You’re joking right?” Katie asks.

I shake my head pulling up the chat to show them. “I low-key wish I was, but” I hold up my phone and show them the screen.

It’s like proof was all they needed to unfreeze.

“Y/N! STOP IT RIGHT NOW! WHY DIDN’T YOU TELL US?” Dove shouts into the screen.

I hold my hands up in defense. “I didn’t know how to handle it! I’ve been in love with this man since I was like 13 and now, he’s messaging me over Twitter and not remaining the fictional character in my head! What am I supposed to respond?” I pout in defense.

Rachel rolls her eyes, “What’s the real reason?”

Ugh. Leave it to your friends to see through your pretenses.

I look down for a moment at the intimidating message. “It should be simple right?” I look back up at my quiet friends with a fake smile. “I’m a fan of his who has followed his every movement throughout the years. I’ve built up an immunity to his surprises, so why is it so hard to believe he would want to check up on me? Why would he give me the time of day after everything was done with back at that stadium?” I shrug with a self-deprecating laugh.

“Okay first off, you are one of the most amazing people I’ve ever met and he should feel lucky to even talk to you,” Dove says calmly, “Secondly, this is very much real, and you have a chance to talk to him.

“Yeah,” Katie tags on, “He wouldn’t have sent you that message if he truly didn’t want to hear back from you.”

“Oh my gosh! Do you think he was looking on stan twitter hoping they would find your user?” Rachel asks.

“That sounds a little far fetched,” Sofie says unsure.

“Oh I’m pretty sure he has a stan account floating around somewhere. He knew we measure his life according to his hair length,” I roll my eyes at the memory. I take another sip of wine and look up at the ceiling before sighing. “I’m gonna message him.”

A round of cheers sounds while I think of a reasonable response. How the heck to I do this?

@/yourusername: Hi Harry! I’m doing well. I flew back home yesterday, so I wasn’t able to get back to you sooner. The post concert depression is hitting, but I’m super excited to see you next week. Hope you’re doing well!

“There. I sent something,” I lift the phone up to show them before putting it face down on my desk, “He’s probably doing singer things you know. Like I probably won’t hear back from him anytime soon. Maybe he didn’t even notice I didn’t message back right aw--”

The sound of a tweeting bird interrupts me. We all look at each other wide eyed.

“Y/N?” Katie quietly whispers, “Who was that?”

Sofie’s face breaks out into a shit-eating grin, “Yeah, Y/N, who just DM’ed you?”

I shake my head, eyes still blown wide in slight panic, “I’m too scared to look.”

“Don’t be a baby! You already kept them man waiting for 24 full hours!” Rachel laughs.

I finally relent and pull up the chat.

@/Harry_Styles: I’m so glad to hear you’re back home safe. I was a little worried about leaving you at the stadium that night. What show will you be at next week?

I read aloud for my friends. It was almost like he was waiting on my message.

“He’s totally trying to spark conversation with you,” Rachel says.

“Shut up. This is not a rom com,” I sigh.

“What are you gonna say back?” Dove asks.

“Yeah, I think you should say--” Sofie is cut off by Katie clearing her throat.

“Listen. Why don’t we not crowd her. Let’s continue our wine night and she can talk to us if she really wants our help.”

I send her an appreciative smile. It’s almost like she read my mind. I think just having them here is already helping me gain control on my thoughts. Emotional support is what I needed.

They all fall into easy conversations again, but I can tell they are all keeping an eye on me.

@/yourusername: I’ll be in Nashville for both shows! I’ve always wanted to go, so I’m flying in a little early to explore a bit.

@/Harry_Styles: Nashville is super fun! It’s one of my favorite places to stop on tour!

We go on like this for a few minutes. He tells me about some of the cool places he’s seen in Nashville and giving some tips on where to get the best vintage thrifting done.

I finish my second glass of wine while waiting on his next response to come in. This is surprisingly easy. I thought talking to him would be more difficult but he’s honestly down to earth. It doesn't feel like I'm messaging my crush-to-end-all-crushes. The wine is probably helping a bit too. Might as well start on a third one. I’ll just work from home tomorrow.

It takes Harry a little longer to respond, so I tune back into my friends. Dove is telling an animated story about her dog who my phone chimes again.

“Guys!” I nearly throw my phone across the room when I read the message.

“What’s up?” Dove asks taking in the pure shock written on my face.

I read them the message Harry just sent.

@/Harry_Styles: They have a really cool rooftop bar that you should check out. Let me know when you fly in and I could probably show you if our schedules match up?

“Correct me if I’m wrong but that just sounds like Harry Styles just asked to take me to a rooftop bar next week.”

tag list: @harry-is-my-sunflower @gucci-hazza @sunshinetemptress9 @damnasstyles @msolbesg @hi-yekaterina @imaginesofdreams @multiplums @gxldenxash @infinitely-yellow @hoseokjin194​ @onecrazydirectioner​

[woozi]

I don’t want to be that person but it’s annoying how people keep spewing hate about face the sun. Like I TOTALLY get not vibing. Like I do.

But y’all, take a second and remember that they don’t have long as a full group to experiment with more grown up,sexier sounds!! 94z are already having to enlist which means 95z and probably going next year. It doesn’t mean they have lost their whole way but they’re all in their mid 20s now. Let them have one sexy comeback?!

Like it’s fine to not like everything they do. I’m not a fan of Ash at all so I ignore it 🤷🏽‍♀️

It’s annoying because I know these people aren’t really seventeen fans and want any opportunity to diminish them but still.

love that i am now getting cb takes from u all JKFDJKFDJKFDKJ but ok this is also something i haven’t really talked abt in public either so... brace urself for a v lengthy reply lol. a dissertation even 😭

def get where ur general sentiment is coming from! i won’t lie and say that the... less than positive reviews abt fts didn’t initially dampen the mood a bit for me (esp bc i’ve been loving everything), but now that i think abt it, i think that’s just part of being in a community! i was very sad/kind of heated ngl, to say the least, when i heard things like this, but we also just have to keep in mind that people from all walks of life who are definitely free to form their own opinions and have their own preferences AND voice them out just as we’re doing right now join caratland after all. but you’re also right in the sense that there’s a very fine line between giving honest feedback and being just straight up mean. i think it’s just difficult for some to reconcile the fact that other people can seem... VERY brutal, even, to the boys but i also don’t think that them doing so makes them haters/non-fans (though i also def agree that non-carats join the “hate” bandwagon, for lack of better term). i think the people that do so just like the boys enough to actually let them know how they feel instead of just sucking up to them. i also share ur same sentiment (my friends would KNOW how upset?????-idk if thats the right term- i was with the exact thing ure pointing out actually lol), but while i have been loving everything from this cb, i also won’t be a hypocrite and say that i don’t have things i’m not in love with abt the svteenies’ work from time to time, so imo it’s just fair tbh JKFDJKFJKFD.

that being said i've actually been seeing very mixed reception for face the sun, and based on what i've seen the main pain point or issue people have with the album/are disappointed about is the general direction and sound svt has been taking as of late. i'm not really sure what people expect from svt (i initially was thinking that maybe it's the freshteenie songs but then again, weren't people also very lukewarm about say, more of their recent releases along the same line such as not alone and darling?), so i also don’t know where this is coming from. i also think it’s kind of ironic bc the whole point of face the sun is shedding their old selves (starting from the teasers saying ‘i’m not svt anymore’, to the whole svteenie lore we have now, and the actual storyline u can observe from the album when u listen to the songs in the order of the tracklist as they intended). the boys have also been mentioning the same exact thing in interviews. and not to be me, but i think what jihoon said in the nylon interview is especially relevant here, and pretty much sums up what i feel abt the whole thing as well. think it’s just better that i put in what he said bc... exactly king <3 ure SOOO correct.

WOOZI: ... I don’t want Seventeen to lose their sense of adventure, we want to keep moving forward ... Some people might point fingers or criticize us and say, “That’s not the right way, that’s not the right answer,” but I just hope people think, “This is just who they are.” (source)

that also touches on what you’re saying abt them being more experimental with albums as of late. personally, i highly appreciate what theyre doing (i.e. broadening their horizons style wise). i don’t think a group can retain a singular trademark sound their whole entire career without it sounding repetitive anyway. i think it’s just an inevitable part of growth! some people may be attached or like a certain sound they executed before better, but i don’t think it should necessarily mean that them trying out different things is bad. people HAVE BEEN ASKING for a darker comeback and its exactly what they delivered! it’s just that there’s no 1-size-fits-all solution imo. the oldies were right when they said u can’t please everyone (bc again everyone has different preferences and tastes and there’s absolutely nothing wrong w that!!).

and SOOOO true!! while i also think that we should be open to other inputs (it’s what expands our perspectives after all), i think it’s very important to curate your own fandom experience. if u don’t like it, just keep scrolling dfdfkjfdjfd and the same should go with opinions! i feel like it’s very taxing to invest yourself in sumn that just weighs you down, so if u don’t like it... move on <3 also if u really think abt it... we’re all just kpoppies babes... it’s not that serious JKFJKFDKJFD

[trickstercaptain]

jack’s birthday wishes!

@harringtontm sent: steve knew that he wasn't meant to make a big deal out of jack's birthday — had specifically been asked not to in fact — but after he had worked so hard to come up with a whole surprise party for steve's earlier in the summer, he just refused to let it go entirely unmarked. so he's saved up for the special extended edition of bowie's most recent album (the one he knows jack doesn't have yet) & splurged on a bottle from the very top shelf at the liquor store for the occasion. even tied a little navy blue bow around the neck. plus a chocolate cupcake from the fancy bakery downtown, frosting piled high. it's not much, but he knows jack, knows he doesn't want much. hopes it's just enough.

steve's waiting in their room, light off. & only when he hears the key turn in the apartment lock & footfalls in the living room does steve use his zippo to light the single candle he's stuck into the frosting, timing it so that it's aflame in his hand when jack opens their bedroom door. & he doesn't yell "surprise," says it just as he normally would, through a wide welcome home smile. it's just them, after all. just enough. "happy birthday, gorgeous."

            “You’re working on your birthday?” It might have seemed odd to Robin, Jack’s insistence that no fuss was made for him today, despite all of the efforts they’d gone to with Dustin a couple of months ago to give Steve a day to remember, but to him it really was just another day of the year. Perhaps it derived from a lack of celebration when he was younger: Teague had never been the sentimental sort. Not with him, at least. And then there were the more existential questions of celebrating getting one year closer to his inevitable demise and the death of the universe, particularly now he’d passed the major milestones. Old enough to drive. Old enough to drink. Old enough to leave his old life behind, move halfway across the world and start again here. He didn’t wish to ponder any of that today, of all days, but it was there nonetheless.

              All that aside, the fact remained that they needed the money that working on his birthday would bring in. And for all the snivelling kids and irresponsible teenagers playing in the ocean and questionable array of swimwear, the beach wasn’t a bad place to be. He had to make the most of it before the weather turned and he was confined to a community swimming pool for another long winter.

              So, one unremarkable shift later, he returned to their apartment having not felt like he’d missed out. Locking the front door behind him, Jack dropped the drawstring bag with his uniform in it on their cheap couch and headed straight for his and Steve’s room. It wasn’t unusual for him to come home to an empty apartment --- Robin could have been out working or on campus or, fingers crossed, out on a date, and he wasn’t sure of Steve’s shifts this weekend --- but, as he opened the door, he soon realised that he wasn’t alone at all.

              Jack’s face instantly lit up as he met his boyfriend’s gaze, letting out a soft laugh as he noticed the lit birthday cupcake in his hand. “ It’s cute, ” he acknowledged wryly, stepping forward ready to blow out the candle when his eyes were suddenly drawn to their bed. Placed on it was a bottle of their favourite drink --- the one they only splurged on for special occasions --- and a bright album cover with a very familiar face on it. 

              “ Wait ---- you actually bought it? ” Cupcake momentarily forgotten, Jack rushed to pick up the Bowie album, turning it over almost reverently in his hands. How long had he been talking about buying this in order to complete his collection? How much had this cost Steve to buy? There was a reason Jack tended to shop for secondhand records, and that was because most of their wages went towards keeping them in this rundown apartment in the city. Halfway through reading the tracklist, his eyes found his boyfriend’s, and for a moment he was too stunned --- not just by the record, but by the effort and the care that had gone into all of this, even the small touches like the little blue bow tied around the bottle neck --- to say anything at all. 

              Fortunately, Steve seemed able to tell, and immediately closed the distance between them, waving the cupcake in his hand to bring it back into Jack’s line of sight, successfully breaking his verbal impasse as he let out another quiet laugh.

               Jack didn’t make a wish as he blew the candle out ( everything he wanted was right here, after all ), but he did take the cupcake from Steve and gently place it back down on the bed, along with the Bowie album. His arms were then thrown around his boyfriend’s neck, pulling him firstly into a hug, leaning in close so that he could murmur a quiet, “ Thank you, darling, ” into his ear. Only then did Jack draw back enough so that he could pull Steve into a thank you kiss to go with it, slow and languid and hopefully grateful enough to convey just how much this all meant. 

              But the kiss wasn’t about the gifts, not really. The cupcake and liquor bottle? The two of them would share and enjoy them later. The album? He’d be playing it on Steve’s record player in the morning, no doubt. What Jack wished to convey most was how much it meant to simply have him here, making this new start in New York just that little bit brighter --- despite the Hawkins-sized bumps in the road along the way --- every day they were sharing in it together.

[jentlemahae]

(Album Review) Sticker by NCT 127 – Did It Really Stick?

Just last week, South Korean group NCT 127 – numbers referring to the longitude coordinate of Seoul – released their long-awaited, third full-length album, Sticker, which immediately caused an uproar among their fans. Some really loved it, while some really hated it (and were not silent about it). It’s the so-called ‘third album syndrome’, where artists create a record that is so new even for them, that it ends up being polarizing for the fanbase. Sticker might have been just that for 127, as fans are either calling it a masterpiece or a huge disappointment – no in-between.

(Those who are already familiar with NCT 127 may skip the following section. Those who are not – buckle up!)

A beginner’s guide to NCT

For those who may not know, NCT (short for “Neo Culture Technology”) is a boy-group under SM Entertainment. The band has been able to stand out from the KPOP landscape since its very debut, and not only because of their music and talents, but also thanks to their distinctive concept. In a nutshell, the idea is that the group can have an unlimited (or infinite) number of members, as fresh new boys can be added to the lineup at any given time. So far, they have accumulated 23 members, divided into four different subunits – NCT 127, NCT DREAM, WayV (fixed units), and NCT U (rotational unit).

Each subgroup has its own characteristic sound and/or concept, but there is one thing they have in common – they are all known for going against the current, be it musically or style-wise. In fact, they are considered the pioneers of the takeover on KPOP by ‘noise music’. But what is noise music? Sometimes affectionately called ‘pots and pans’, it is a genre characterized by an expressive use of sound that is not bound to traditional music rules, and encapsulates different chords and types of notes within a song. Nowadays, it has become the main style of the 4th Generation, and NCT were the ones who truly popularized it to the current audience (despite being 3rd Gen).

NCT 127’s approach to noise music is particularly fascinating. Fans describe their sound as ‘NEO’, which is confusing and vague unless you are familiar with their discography – then it makes perfect sense! The group always takes noise music to the next level, yet manages to not make it sound completely nonsensical and (too) migraine-inducing.

Now that you are all up to speed, we can proceed with the actual review!

Sticker – peeling the songs off

After weeks of teasers and hints, NCT 127 finally unveiled to their eager, hungry fans their new single and album, Sticker. This record perfectly encapsulates the cornucopia of sounds that the band is known for, as the songs go from EDM to hip-hop to heart-warming ballads. And of course, the group’s signature sound – the pots and pans are here, louder and stronger than ever. But enough chit-chat for now – let’s go through the album together.

Sticker (8.5/10)

NCT 127 made the bold choice to open the record with the title track, Sticker. Why ‘bold choice’? Well, let’s just say the song is not exactly easily digestible… The melody is a plethora of sounds, yet feels almost empty and subdued to the vocals at the same time. It is a bacchanal of frenzied beats and a dirty bass line accompanied by a shrill flute and piano, with cut-throat raps and beautiful harmonies that are disjointed from the overall melody. Sticker is chaos, but an intentional one, thus its instability manages to captivate you whilst disarming you.

Truth be told, I was a bit taken aback by the song when I first listened to it. Nothing appeared to make sense to my ears, as they seem to be fighting with the beat (and losing) throughout the entire track. But that’s exactly the point. The disconnection between the instrumentals and the singing is clearly done on purpose, perhaps in order to further highlight the members’ impressive vocals, which overpower and outbalance the otherwise empty beat. Or maybe the purpose was just to render the song more impactful, which sure as hell worked – you may not like Sticker, but the song is likely to remain stuck in your head one way or another.

Lemonade (8.3/10)

The second track was teased by the group prior to the official release of the album with a track video, and was immediately loved by fans. This catchy B-side includes an addictive deep bass which makes the perfect beat for both powerful raps and hefty vocals, a signature cocktail in NCT music.

The song is so good that a puzzling question immediately erupted following the release of the record, and spread like wildfire within 127’s fanbase – why wasn’t ‘Lemonade’ the title track? After all, everyone likes it, both fans and non-fans, and it could easily be something you’d expect to find at the top of the charts. In contrast to Sticker, on which everybody seems to be divided. So, wouldn’t it make sense for it to be the title track, given its striking popular appeal?

The answer is no. What some fans don’t seem to understand is that when it comes down to KPOP title tracks (especially nowadays), the issue is not whether it is the best or the catchiest song on the record. The real question is, does it make an impact? Given how new KPOP groups are popping up left and right, managing to leave enough of an impression on the listeners can make or break a career. The title track needs to be instantly stuck in your mind, and for that Sticker fits the bill, as Lemonade sounds just like any other song you could hear in the first 30 minutes of Inkigayo. It’s good, but ordinary. It just doesn’t cut it, and NCT 127 clearly know that.

Breakfast (8/10)

Third song on the record, Breakfast feels reminiscent of past SM boy groups’ releases, namely SHINee’s song Prism from the album 1 and 1. The song encompasses bright melodies and retro beats with a modernized twist, which serve as a perfect mix with the members’ voices. The song’s main stars are the vocalists (particularly HAECHAN, whose tone works wonders with the genre), while the raps are tamer for the group’s standard.

Focus (9/10)

The fourth track is a mid-tempo R&B romantic song, a genre that is characteristic of 127’s B-sides and displays the group’s more soulful edge. Focus flawlessly showcases the members’ honeyed and warm vocals (especially JAEHYUN’s), and the slow lazy-like raps remind of early 2000’s sultry slow jams. This track was an immediate fan-favorite (as attested by yours truly).

The Rainy Night (9.5/10)

The Rainy Night is an R&B-tinged ballad reminiscent of boybands in the 90’s, and is the perfect follow-up to Focus, as vocals appear to be the true protagonists of both songs. In the track, TAEIL manages to stand out in particular by showing off his impressive range, with his beautiful adlibs on the suit-and-tie beat.

Far (6.2/10)

Next up is Far, characterized by a boom-clap drumline and a chanted chorus. Despite being rather forgettable, it is a good song after all – something straight out of a superhero movie soundtrack. It just sounds like something we’ve heard before at least a million times from about any KPOP boy group out there.

Bring The Noize (6.6/10)

Bring The Noize is about as NEO as it can get, with loud and thunderous beats, growling raps and sounds mimicking a car engine, which together make you feel as if your head were in a blender. Just like Sticker, this song is pure chaos, but of an overwhelming and impetuous kind because of its packed production. Yet, I think that’s where it all goes sideways – Bring The Noize is just too overwhelming, because it’s too crowded. On top of the production overflowing with sounds and effects, the vocal aspect of the song is simply too much. All members sing or rap on the track, but the variety of vocal colors is disarming and confusing to the ears in the worst way. Simply put, some members could have stayed silent in that recording booth…

Magic Carpet Ride (6.4/10)

Doing a full 180 from the previous track, Magic Carpet Ride is a ballad with pop elements, and a melodic beat that particularly shows off DOYOUNG and JAEHYUN’s vocals. Despite being a lovely song, it’s nothing particularly exceptional – it’s good for what it is, but it falls slightly flat and forgettable. Nevertheless, it does a wonderful job in proving that not every KPOP song needs a rap part…

Road Trip (7.3/10)

Road Trip shows off 127’s more boyish and bright side, with nice layers of guitar, drums and delicate vocals, proving once again how the band’s is not just a loud gimmick. The song is enjoyable – however, it’s not something we haven’t heard before from NCT. It’s sweet and lovely, but it’s definitely nothing to write home about.

Dreamer (7.4/10)

This upbeat song gives yet another sweet and poppy feel to the tracklist, with retro beats, trumpet riffs and a happy-go-lucky melody. Dreamer kinda sounds like something out of an Old Navy commercial, but I mean it in a good way – its funky, childlike charm combined with the uplifting lyrics is likely to put a smile on your face!

Promise You (7.2/10)

127 chose to end the album with a letter dedicated to their fanbase, NCTzens. Due to the ongoing pandemic, groups have not been able to meet fans in a long time as they normally would. In Promise You they sing about being separated from a loved one and then being reunited again, which is likely a nod towards their fans. Musically, the song intertwines retro-inspired beats with atmospheric synths, that give it a dreamy-like appeal. The track is sweet and serves as a great album closer, as wrapping up the record with DOYOUNG singing “So stay” in a longing yet reassuring tone, feels like the perfect goodbye.

So, did it stick?

Overall, Sticker is a very well-made album – it has ballads, upbeat tracks, addictive songs, and a decent dose of the good ol’ pots and pans. Does it sound like something we have never heard before in KPOP? No! Does it sound like something we’ve never heard before from NCT? Also… No… But whilst the record follows a similar algorithm to 127’s past albums, it is still incredibly enjoyable without sounding boring or too déjà vu. It has a good 50/50 mix of experimental songs to ballads and R&B-influenced tracks, and it leaves room for both rappers and vocalists to shine.

The album truly screams ‘NCT 127’ – it’s experimental, not sonically cohesive, confusing, and a little weird. Plus, just like all of the group’s music, it’s not everyone’s cup of tea. Or better yet, it’s not at first listen. Sticker might be odd and disarming, but it will get to you eventually – you just gotta let it stick.

8/10

[antialiasis]

Morphic: the Musical

The Thousand Roads forums have a fanfic music thread. While I don't really do those kinds of threads usually because I don't really listen to a very wide variety of music and generally have a hard time associating music that already exists with unrelated fiction, one of the questions in it is this:

Talk about what would happen if some Broadway hit-maker scooped up your fic and turned it into a script. What songs would be in it? Describe a dance number/dance battle?

And immediately, the musical analysis glint lit up in my eyes. This question was presumably intended in a lighthearted jokey sort of way - imagining some fight staged as a dance battle, a hypothetical Broadway hit-maker doing the adaptation. But that's not enough for me, say I! Musicals are a good and interesting medium for serious fiction that I care about and I am going to serious this up.

See, to me, the musical format has two major strengths as a narrative medium. The first is that it can explore the inner worlds of characters in a pretty unique way. Characters get to monologue in a sort of heightened, non-literal manner, intensified by music: we can learn what they're about, what makes them tick, what's going on in their heads in a particular moment, in a way that wouldn't really make sense presented as actual inner monologue in another medium. The music aspect itself then adds a layer to it that's impossible to replicate in any other.

The second strength of the musical format is that it's really good at highlighting recurring themes, parallels and contrasts. Reprise the same melody, the same lyric, a parallel but opposite lyric, and you've instantly connected two things together. Is there a character arc? You can highlight what has changed. Are there two characters going through something similar? You can draw that out. Is there a recurring theme throughout? Use a recurring lyric, a recurring melodic phrase! Nudge the viewer into forming connections! Delicious! And you can do subtler things on the music level itself - particular instruments with particular connotations, recurring motifs...

So naturally I decided I should think up what a musical adaptation of Morphic would be like. It'd be a fun exercise in putting all my thoughts on musical adaptations into practice, but also an interesting way to help sort out some of my thoughts about characters arcs, etc. for the actual Morphic rewrite. And in the process, I may have gone slightly overboard. I regret nothing.

(I'm about to spoil most of the fic here, if this wasn't obvious)

Morphic: the Musical - tracklist

(Note: this musical is not sung-through; there are regular non-musical sections with regular dialogue in between. Morphic would almost definitely not make for a good sung-through musical.)

Act I

[Intro song] (Brian)

A monologue by Brian at the TV studio as he tries to work through what to say, how to explain or justify any of this (which conveniently serves to exposit to the audience as well as introduce his character). He makes nervous false starts and cuts himself off, starting the verse over each time, and through these false starts we learn what's going on, that the press has been calling them Pokémorphs, that this was all Dave's idea, that alcohol was involved, that it was meant as a basis for further research, that there were never supposed to be *children*, that he doesn't know what he'd even do with a kid, that Dave roped him into going on this show because he couldn't.

[Dave song] (Dave)

This musical properly introduces us to Dave via Jane walking out on him followed by this song, wherein he contemplates chucking baby Jean out the window. It's a dark rock song with big emotional contrasts and raw lyrics that is almost definitely my favorite song in this musical in the hypothetical reality where it is an actual musical and I didn't write it, because I am me. Probably starts with a couple slower lines of desperate disbelief before launching into wild anger about fuck that fucking whore, followed by what I will be referring to as the everything-is-shit verse (please bear with me), just a general cynicism rant about why the world is a shitty place not worth living in, followed by him wildly fantasizing about killing his infant child. What a delightful human being that I adore. The song ends abruptly, he's standing there staring at her in his arms for a moment, then he silently goes to feed her. On the soundtrack you probably might think he just did it.

Fatherhood (Brian)

A montage song covering the timeskip, which probably reprises [Intro song]. Brian initially has no idea what to do with his new squirming horrorblob child and is convinced he will screw it up the way he tends to screw up everything. Makes a couple of false starts again, but then gains confidence as time passes as he genuinely bonds with Gabriel and legitimately thinks he's a pretty amazing kid. There's a repeated line along the lines of that Gabriel's a weird, weird kid, but he's his, initially in a tone of "oh god I'm responsible for him what do" but towards the end is said with pride and fondness.

[Villain song] (Isaac and Jacob)

A duet between the two brothers, exploring what makes them tick. Isaac is all about this heavy pressure and sense of responsibility, originally imposed by his father, that he continues to impose on himself. He's been appointed to take over leading the family/cult and was raised with that constantly in the back of his mind as his future, and he believes that they're God's true righteous people and he cannot go wrong. He has dreams with some regularity that he interprets as visions from God, as he has been encouraged to since childhood by his father. When he has one about murder, it frightens him but he sees it as basically a divinely-appointed mission.

Jacob privately doesn't really believe any of that. He is trapped in this cult and goes through the motions but is not actually driven by any of the things that are driving Isaac. He's fairly quiet for most of the song - as Isaac is going on about his vision, Jacob has a line here and there obliquely challenging it, but Isaac has an answer for everything, and he doesn't press it, instead moving seamlessly on to suggestions for how he should do it. Jacob gets a quiet variant of part of the everything-is-shit verse from [Dave song], expressing the same kind of cynicism in a more reproachful, apathetic way - all in his own head, of course.

Just Like My Hero (Jean and Will)

Jean sings about how she is just like her hero, Sarah Hooter! Starts off describing how they look the same, moves on from there to how she will torch anyone who's mean, etc., just like her hero. Halfway through, Will joins in, and it becomes a counterpoint duet: Jean may be immature and ridiculous, but he deeply wishes he was confident and adored and nothing would get to him, and he admires and envies that about her. His just like my hero has a bit more of an ironic vibe, he'd hardly properly call her his hero, but he looks up to her more than he'd normally admit nonetheless.

Storming the Castle (Jack and Gabriel)

Jack and Gabriel are playing a D&D game with their friends, arguing about the best course of action. Jack is eager to waltz into the bad guys' fortress, storm the castle, while Gabriel urges lying low, says they're too weak. Jack wants to take the leap and try it; Gabriel insists no, we're not taking the leap, it's stupid. "It's brave!" Jack counters. (In the end, Gabriel gives in and they go ahead with it, and it goes fine.)

Unique (Mia and Lucy)

Mia and Lucy play one of their games. The song is about how Lucy needs someone like Mia to challenge her and let her actually indulge her powers, which are otherwise unsettling to people and she's ashamed and self-conscious about them, while Mia needs someone like Lucy to get a real outlet for her hunter's instinct. The word the lyrics are built around is unique; by being the precise way they are, they are each the only person who can provide this for the other.

Mia doesn't sing. She speaks her lyrics in her usual monotone, not even rhythmically. They also don't rhyme. It's technically a duet but really it's just Lucy singing and Mia talking.

[Peter/Katherine song] (Peter and Katherine)

A counterpoint duet between the siblings, contrasting their experience as Pokémorphs. Peter can pretty easily hide that he's different and be treated mostly as a normal kid, and feels free in his privilege, not confined quite the way the others are, able to be a bit reckless and incautious. Katherine, meanwhile, has a very different experience, being extremely noticeably different, getting stared at, and struggling with basic activities, and feels a huge sense of responsibility weighing her down, worrying about Peter and grounding him and reining him in. There's a lyrical contrast involving something something bird freedom plant rooted down something.

Brian's Death (Isaac and Dave)

This is one of those mostly-instrumental pieces that they include on the soundtrack anyway, but Isaac gets a couple of sung nondiegetic lines in here, a sort of frantic excitement, realizing in a brief panic that he shot the wrong guy before rationalizing that God must have planned it this way.

Dave is probably also in there screaming and attempting to call the police, because I am always in favor of screaming and panicking on musical soundtracks.

The Funeral (Gabriel and Jack)

Begins with Gabriel at the church during the funeral, singing about his vague discomfort being there, but slowly becomes increasingly frantic and anxious, working up to a breakdown where he exits and finally manages to cry for his dad. There's a verse about little things, how they ordered pizza the night before he died, etc., culminating in the bit about him having been in the middle of this mystery novel and never getting to learn who did it; the verse trails off quietly there, backing instruments gone, as Gabriel breaks down. Jack follows to comfort him.

Act II

[Montage song] (everyone)

A montage of the days after the attack, where everyone gets a couple lines about how they're coping, scared and grieving.

Dave's lines are like, spoken slightly too desperate annoyance at having to do some work that Brian didn't get to finish, or rebuking somebody who asks how he's doing by saying he barely even knew Brian. He is not singing along with this kind of grief-porn bullshit, fuck you.

[Villain song II] (Isaac and Jacob)

The brothers come up with a new plan. Isaac is agitated, reprising some of his bits from the original villain song in a quicker, more frantic tempo, while Jacob picks up the slack, walking him through a new idea. Isaac takes to it with conviction and goes back to the original melody/tempo, talking again about his God-given purpose. Jacob does not join in with any of that, only with the bits about the actual plan.

The Kidnapping (instrumental)

I'm just going to say this is on the soundtrack too and contains panicked Gabriel noises because I want it to be.

Storming the Castle Reprise (Jack)

Jack tries to rally the others for a rescue mission, echoing the D&D game from Act I. The lines about storming the castle and taking the leap make a reappearance.

Just Like My Hero Reprise (Jean)

Jean, on the bus, miserably contemplates how she is unlike her hero. Again, it begins with a verse talking about how she looks - not a thing like Sarah Hooter anymore - but then moves on to how she's scared and pathetic and running away, unlike anything a hero would do.

Church Sequence (Will, Jack, Mia)

A single track, largely instrumental/dialogue/sound effects, with a couple of brief song snippets:

- Will reprises "Just Like My Hero" as he wills himself to go on. He is cut off mid-line as he is shot.

- Mia slits that guy's throat and she actually sings a few words, for the first and only time, before she is also cut off mid-line by a gunshot. The line is something about, like, warm blood in her face or the guy's satisfying death throes, reprising part of the melody of "Unique".

Strong (Gabriel)

Gabriel discovers his powers. Starts slowly, calling back to the bits from "Storming the Castle" about lying low, being weak. But as the song continues and he makes his discovery, the tempo builds, and he starts reprising Jack's bits instead: he is strong, taking the leap, storming the castle.

Perish Song (Lucy)

Another brief reprise of "Unique", distorted and deafening and terrifying, mourning her sister.

[In the Hospital] (Jack and Gabriel)

The two of them work out their feelings about what happened. Includes Jack going "It was stupid" (i.e. the rescue mission) and Gabriel responding "It was brave", echoing the bit where they said the opposite in "Storming the Castle". Jack blames himself for how it all turned out, feels stupid and weak, while Gabriel actually felt kind of awesome. (This is also calling back to their opposite bits of "Storming the Castle".) They end with a shared duet verse as they realize they've both got that same innate desire to fight and win. Possibly calls back to the weird, weird kid line from "Fatherhood".

Eulogy (Dave)

Dave's eulogy for Mia (which also touches on Will, but this is Mia's funeral). It reprises "Unique". There will never again be anyone like the two of them, two of the only truly unique people on this Earth. (And, while he doesn't say it straight out because hahahaha, he needed Mia, too).

Taking the Leap (Jack and Gabriel)

Jack's suicide attempt and his swirling inner turmoil as he tries to talk himself into taking the leap once again. Gabriel, of course, comes in with don't take that leap. Am I overusing this one line by putting it in like half the songs in this thing? Well, who's going to stop me.

[Peter/Katherine song reprise] (Peter and Katherine)

The two of them contemplate indefinite house arrest (in contrast to the freedom Peter's enjoyed most of his life) and Katherine's failure to stop all this (despite her sense of responsibility). In the end, they both find their own ways to accept the new state of things and support each other through this.

Finale (Dave and Jean)

After Dave breaks down on his couch and Jean comes in to ask what's wrong, Dave sings a reprise of the everything-is-shit verse, going over the many things he's angry about, because that is the only emotion involved here clearly. At the exact point where Dave's song originally went from there to fantasizing about throwing her off the balcony, Jean throws her arms around him and sniffles "It'll be okay, Dad," and after a stunned "What? Jean, I'm--", he continues with a slow, hesitant *inverted* reprise of the everything-is-shit verse, "Everything'll be fine", constructing a little fantasy reality for her (and himself) where everything turns out all right in the end. It's backed by, like, a simple, quiet, slower piano rendition of the original melody, and trails off at the end, never quite coming to a satisfying conclusion before he tells Jean she should go back to bed.

[earlgreytea68]

Hey!

So, I was wondering if you could help me out. I listened to FOB way back in 2005, specifically only one of their albums. I want to try getting into their music. Do you have a playlist or any recommendations or anything?

I've only ever heard their From Under The Cork Tree album. (These songs specifically 'Dance, Dance', 'Sugar, We're Goin Down', I Slept With Someone In Fall Out Boy And All I Got Was This Stupid Song Written About Me', and 'A Little Less Sixteen Candles, A Little More "Touch Me"')

Thanks EGT!

omggggggg. I had a friend ask me this once and I tried to pick one song from each album and...no, that didn’t work, I couldn’t whittle it down, OOPS, but HERE WE GO. Their sound evolves from album to album, so the songs off of Mania sound very different than the songs off TTTYG, and they get criticized for that sometimes, but maybe because I came to them late, they all sound like the same band, just people who aged from 20 to 40 in the past twenty years, you know, as people tend to do.

From Take This to Your Grave:

Saturday - The Pete & Patrick song! Also the final song at their concerts. Also enjoy the ridiculously homoerotic premise of the video.

Chicago Is So Two Years Ago - I especially love this live version of this song, it just makes me happy. Happy as I can be for a song where the girl says “boys like you are overrated” and so the boy says, “I wish to curse you so that your lips taste of me forever” lol

Grand Theft Autumn / Where Is Your Boy - Pete on this song: “When Patrick wrote it the lyric was ‘where is your man’ and I was like, ‘Patrick, you’re seventeen, change that to your boy’“ lolololololol I am paraphrasing but not much

From From Under the Cork Tree: (this album I actually struggled with what to rec, and I decided on just one from here, since it’s the one you know the most)

Our Lawyer Made Us Change the Name of This Song So We Wouldn’t Get Sued - “It’s just past eight, and I’m feeling young and reckless / The ribbon on my wrist says, ‘Do not open before Christmas’“

From Infinity on High (ugh love THERE ARE TOO MANY HERE OH WELL):

“The Take Over, The Breaks Over” - I read a description once of Patrick’s songwriting that said something like he overloads songs with hooks, and this song embodies that for me, there are so many melodies in here I love, especially “don’t pretend you ever forgot about me” ugh

Hum Hallelujah - Probably my favorite song of theirs lyrically, every single line of this song is stunning, and it’s got two of my all-time favorites: “One day we’ll get nostalgic for disaster” and “I can write it better than you ever felt it.” But really, EVERY line is perfect. “I love you in the same way there’s a chapel in a hospital?” Perfect. THE REFRAIN. Perfect. It’s just lyrically perfect ugh.

(After) Life of the Party - This is my favorite song on this album. Look, the official lyric sites will tell you the refrain is “cut it loose” but I choose to hear it as “could it last” and that makes this beautiful song the pining love song I think it should be lol. And THE END OF THIS SONG is just Patrick tour de force singing, that last held note ugh Also “put love on hold, young Hollywood is on the other line” is excellent but even better in the form it first appeared in on one of Pete’s blogs: “put the love on hold, anticipation is on the other line and excitement called while you were out.”

(honorable mention: You’re Crashing, But You’re No Wave - Just throwing a little bit of love toward the lawyer song. “Boys in three pieces dream of grandstanding and bravado / The city sleeps in a cell notwithstanding what we all know”)

From Folie a Deux: (I always think IOH is my favorite album and then I look at the tracklist for Folie and I’m like, UGH lol)

Disloyal Order of Water Buffaloes - Possibly my favorite FOB song ever (at least right now). Also, it’s their opener in recent tours, so that probably contributes to the fondness.

(Coffee’s for Closers) - Another “how many melodies does one song need” song lol

What a Catch, Donnie - THIS STUPID SONG OH MY GOD. The nostalgic self-indulgent medley at the end of this song KILLS ME EVERY SINGLE TIME STOPPPPPP

From Save Rock and Roll:

The Mighty Fall - The first time I teased out the lyric “your crooked love is just a pyramid scheme,” I think I uttered a little gasp in the car lol

Miss Missing You - Oh heyyyyyy the hot whiskey eyes song

Save Rock and Roll - I will never get over that Fall Out Boy titled a song (and album) Save Rock and Roll and the song (and album) is...actually fantastic ugh

From American Beauty / American Psycho:

The Kids Aren’t Alright - “And in the end, I’d do it all again, I think you’re my best friend”

Fourth of July - IN BETWEEN BEING YOUNG AND BEING RIGHT, YOU WERE MY VERSAILLES AT NIGHT sorry, just many hearts around that (also “I’m sorry every song’s about you” lololol)

Twin Skeleton’s (Hotel in NYC) - Okay, but the way Patrick snarls “I could just die laughing on your spiral of shame” -- and the fact that THIS SONG CLOSES OUT THE ALBUM ugh

From Mania:

Young and Menace - This might be a controversial pick??? But I LOVE this song, I think it is sheer genius, sometimes I listen to it on endless repeat.

The Last of the Real Ones - I think this is a great song that probably deserved more radio play than it got. And it’s got really great lyrics. “I wonder if your therapist knows everything about me” always gets me.

Wilson (Expensive Mistakes) - “When I say, ‘I'm sorry I'm late,’ I wasn't showing up at all / I really mean I didn't plan on showing up at all”

[secondhandnewsradio]

SHN INTERVIEW: Rachel Bochner

by Claire Silverman

Rachel Bochner is a singer/songwriter based in New York City. Her career in the music industry began with an A&R internship at a record label, and it was there that she realized her true passion for creating and sharing her own music. Her passion lies in making pop music that resonates with people through the good, the bad, the lighthearted, and the heavy.

CS: Congrats on the release of your song “hating myself in the summer!”

RB: Thank you so much!

CS: The song feels like a song that so many people, especially young girls, can relate to a lot. What initially prompted you to write this song?

RB: I actually started writing this song back in October, so it wasn't written in the summertime. But the phrase in the chorus “I'm tired of hitting myself in the summer” is kind of what sparked the song as a whole. And like you said, it's something that a lot of people, especially young women can relate to. I think it's just something that I have always struggled with for as long as I can remember. There are periods in my life where I noticed, at events or seasons, that I'm feeling particularly self-conscious, and summer is definitely one of those times. There’s this push and pull of “I want to be enjoying myself, and I just want to exist and not be worrying about this,” but there's also a pressure that “okay, my friends are all going to the beach, and I don't love how I'm looking in this bathing suit, and now that's consuming my mind,” and it's a really exhausting thing to worry about. Also as I've gotten older, it’s become so much more apparent that it's not something that actually matters, and it's not something that I should be basing my worth on. So the song is about coming to that realization.

CS: One thing I like about this song is that it's you and yourself, but also it’s you speaking to a lot of people. I appreciate that this song is a pop song, and it's a really good pop song, but it's not about a love story, which is something I really like. I've noticed this type of theme in some of your other songs too. Could you tell me a bit about what kind of messages are you interested in writing about, and what's important to you and your songwriting overall?

RB: It's funny that you say that because this song is on a project that is a collection of songs that are all not love songs. I think, for this project, I wanted it to be exactly that — my thought process and things that I'm feeling and what I'm going through but not really about another person. I do love a love song, and I love the last EP that I put out that had this story of one relationship not working out and like coming into a new one that feels better and more authentic. So I felt like I got that off my chest for a bit. I started with “how am I feeling?: And “what are the things that I am struggling with?” And what are things that I think that other people who are around my age, so high school through mid to late 20s, can relate to? I love being able to write something that feels really personal to me, but when someone listens to it, they might have a completely different life experience and still be able to place themselves in that song.

photo: Sasha Bellentine

CS: Who are the artists that you feel have really influenced you and your songwriting?

RB: I am definitely influenced by a lot of different artists. Some longer-term inspirations for me are Julia Michaels, Maggie Rogers, and Lana Del Rey. I think Julia Michaels’ writing is the kind of pop music that I am really drawn to,  where sonically it’s a bop, but lyrically, you can read into it and it’s a thought-provoking song. Recently I've really been loving Conan Gray. Also, Sasha Sloane is great. I always feel overwhelmed when I'm asked this question because I feel like I need to list everyone. And I also love Taylor Swift. She consistently blows my mind.

CS: I love that. One of the coolest things that I’ve noticed from speaking with female artists around our age is that literally almost every single one of them has been deeply influenced by Taylor Swift. She has really helped create this next generation of songwriters. It's so cool.

RB: And I also love Lorde so much, but I feel like people always kind of name Lorde as their inspiration.

photo: Alex Lyon

CS: So how did you get started in the industry? What made you realize that music was what you wanted to pursue?

RB: I have always loved music. I've always been a singer, for as long as I can remember. But I didn't really start writing and working on my own music until later on. I think part of that was being a little bit afraid of failure. The part of me that wanted to do that got overshadowed by the part of me that was afraid of being bad at it. But I actually started seriously writing during the summer of 2018, which is weirdly recent. For a while, I thought I wanted to work at a label, so I interned at a record label that summer of 2018. I was doing A&R and was listening to new music every single day and looking for new artists. That’s when it clicked for me that I loved writing and I wanted to be sharing my own music. From that point on, I've been focusing on finding my network of people to be making music.

CS: As I was getting ready for this interview, I was listening to your EP 2 AM again, and I wanted to ask you about that EP as well, specifically, your song Ultraviolet. What was the story behind that song?

RB: Ultraviolet was written at the end of last summer, so we were deep in COVID times. From not being able to see people and just having so much time to sit with my own thoughts, I started to understand things about myself that I hadn't previously ever even thought about. I needed an outlet for thinking about that and processing the questions and realizations I was having about my sexuality. Naturally, I wrote a song about it. It created this space for me to explore everything that I was thinking about given the circumstances.

CS: You mentioned earlier with that EP that there was a big emphasis on the storytelling aspect of your songs. Can you talk a little bit about that, and, and the process of that EP, and putting out an EP in a time where playing concerts can’t be a part of a release.

RB: Since I started releasing music right before COVID, I’ve never really lived in a world where playing shows is a part of the release strategy. I'm excited for that to be a thing. In terms of the storytelling, the songs on the EP weren't actually written in the order that they appear on the tracklist. Afterwards, I figured out how they made sense to me, which was fun. Something I like to do in my writing is pull from experiences and emotions that I have personally felt, but also using fiction and applying an emotion that I have actually experienced and I can speak to, but in a different situation. I think as a songwriter it is really important to be able to open yourself up beyond what you've experienced firsthand, and still be able to make it sound genuine and have it resonate with people.

CS: Do you have any news you can share with us? Any exciting things coming up in the future?

RB: Definitely. I have new music on the way [Rachel’s new single “ghosted my therapist” is out now]. I won't say too much, but there's a little easter egg in the music video for “hating myself in the summer.” It's cryptic, but it'll make sense eventually.

CS: Is this the Taylor Swift fan in you putting easter eggs in your videos?

RB: Oh 100% yes.

CS: Can you give us a few recommendations to end with? What are the songs you've been listening to recently?

RB: Conan Gray recently put out a song called “People Watching” and it's so good, it was co-written by Julia Michaels as well, and she’s one of my favorites. There's a song that I literally cannot stop playing and it destroys me emotionally but I am obsessed with it. It's called “I Can't Wait to Be British” by Carol Ades. If you're looking for a song to cry to, that's a really good one. I’ve also been listening to a lot of JP Saxe lately. I'm actively not sad, but I love listening to sad music right now.

CS: It was really nice to meet you, and I'm looking forward to hearing your new music!

RB: Thank you!