#but there were really only 11 books in favorite territory for me

[pentanguine]

Favorite Books of 2023

So I didn’t quite get to it in January, but I did finally finish this list!! (And as always, I'm longwinded)

My reading taste was all over the place last year. I intended for it to be the year I read neglected fantasy trilogies gathering dust on my bookshelf, but instead I joined a book club for grad school and got shoved out of my comfort zone; ended up with a boyfriend (now ex, aka EBF) and read anything and everything he recommended; suddenly got into nonfiction and horror for no explicable reason; joined another book club for work and ended up reading even more books outside my wheelhouse; and discovered that I enjoyed hate-reading books during slow periods at work and on my lunch break. It was a mess. But somehow, a few favorites came out of it!

1. The Full-Moon Whaling Chronicles by Jason Guriel– What the fuck even is this book. It’s a book about a book about teenage werewolves on a quest to outwit some pirates and recover a lost treasure. It’s the story of a young woman in a post-climate crisis earth living in a Gothic mansion in Japan and questing for her favorite author inside a high-tech diorama. It’s about the aftermath of environmental destruction, invasive technology and autonomy, the power of fandom and transforming stories through your love for them, fathers (love for, betrayal by, forgiveness of), and worlds within worlds. It asks meaty questions about the role of technology in generating change for the better and creating hope when that same tech is eroding what it even means to be human and experience reality. It’s the kind of cli-fi that offers hope, that’s warm, that makes you think of alternatives. It’s dense with speculative worldbuilding and plays dizzyingly with metafiction, and the whole damn thing is written in couplets!!

I feel like I can’t adequately express how much I love the things this book does. It experiments with form and language, which would be cool enough, except it goes on to explore complex themes in a thought-provoking way while throwing in a bizarre and delightful clusterfuck of elements like robot werewolves and tree furries. Most importantly, it was just so much fun to read. I want a sequel with these characters. I want to go to a con dressed as one of the garden wolves. I want to study this book for English class and write an essay on it in rhyming couplets. I did not at all expect this to be my favorite book of the year, but it absolutely is. (It also only has 19 ratings and 4 reviews on Goodreads, so if it sounds at all up your alley, please read it!!)

2. The Mask of Mirrors by M. A. Carrick– What many of my favorite books have in common this year is that they were incredibly fun to read. Mask of Mirrors is entertaining from start to finish, as schemes that would fill a lesser book are introduced and then resolved in mere chapters, and the climax is nothing but action-packed chaos. The world-building is dense and rewarding, the plot is twisty, and Ren is conning everyone, all the time, in at least 6 different ways, which of course makes it more satisfying when she ends up conning herself into actually caring about her marks. You'll like this if you enjoy a TTRPG flavor of storytelling (it started as an RPG, which makes sense once you know it), or if you enjoyed the basics of Ellen Kushner’s Swordspoint but wished it had more action and large-scale worldbuilding. There is a lot going on in these books, in the best possible way.

3. Starling House by Alix E. Harrow – There’s so much I loved about this book: the slow Gothic creep, the stories within a story, the eerie illustrations, the immersive sense of place. Surprisingly, it was the grounded, realistic parts of the book that were the most compelling to me. This is a fantasy, but it’s also a small-town family drama and coming of age story that could have been literary fiction with a few changes. The prose is just gorgeous, beautiful without ever getting purple. This is ultimately the story of the most bloody-minded woman in Kentucky slowly finding a home in the place she’s lived her whole life, while she falls in love with an equally bloody-minded man. Like The Raven Cycle as haunted house story, with overtones of Hades and Persephone and Beauty and the Beast.

4. The Necessity of Stars by E. Catherine Tobler – This is an 80 page novella that I usually wouldn’t count as a book, but it’s simply too good to leave off this list. It’s a strange and beautiful story about aging, climate change, sexism and exploitation, memory and language and how they shape our identities, and how we move through time. In such a short page count, there are so many powerful images that have stuck with me over six months later, including a sea of deep purple irises and a woman and an alien making love under…amidst…as? the stars. There’s something very Le Guin-like about this story with its setting of stars, shadows, and trees, and its sense of humanity. Mind-blowingly good; I highly recommend anything from Neon Hemlock Press.

5. Heir’s Game by suspu– This is a webtoon and not a novel, but I included a 100k Sherlock fanfic in my best books of 2017, so I’m also counting this. It’s a fluffy, bloodthirsty, melodramatic, swashbuckling high adventure found family story with an entertainment value off the charts. It balances a lot of different story elements and tones, each character and arc is developed so well, and there’s a truly satisfying number of pretty men covered in blood. If you’re devouring it over the course of a few days like I did, you also get to watch the author’s art style improve over the course of the four years it took them to write this. I’m morbidly impressed by the amount of effort that goes into panels I read in 2 seconds. Disclaimer that I read this alongside EBF, which may have biased my feelings towards it.

6. Bloom by Delilah S. Dawson – A lovely blend of sweet(?), sexy romance and lush description with visceral horror, creeping menace, and strong dramatic irony.* The last chapter I found a little dumb and overly conclusive, but I’m willing to forgive that due to the immersive atmosphere and tension for most of the book. Ro, the protagonist, is heartbreakingly vulnerable in her twisted justifications for why her first sapphic relationship is actually so Beautiful and Good, and Ash feels like a good depiction of a non-traditional abuser. It’s indulgent and suspenseful, and it’s also got Things to Say.

*(In response to people complaining on Goodreads that the “twist” is obvious, I would like to say: Ash is a baker/cook, the jacket contains the word “consumes” and “devouring,” and there’s a flayed body on the cover. I think a blurb may have comped it to Hannibal. If you read all that and think the publishers are spoiling the “twist” of the book instead of just advertising what the book is about, that’s a you problem. This is not a thriller trying to set up a shocking twist and leave you guessing; it’s horror, and the horror comes from knowing what’s coming and watching Ro stumble right into it with nothing we can do to stop it. Thanks for coming to my TED talk.)

7. The Dawnhounds by Sascha Stronach– The thing I loved most about this book is that it’s truly, delightfully original. I don’t think I’ve ever read anything remotely like it. There’s living technology that’s based on plants and syncs with human biology, a fresh system of gods and resurrection, a found family pirate ship, and some viscerally disturbing body horror. I often found myself sitting still for a minute with my mouth open, head tilted slightly to the side, thinking “…how the fuck did she come up with that.” This is also such a satisfyingly queer book. It very much centers found family, and unapologetic abundance saves the day. I wish I could remember more specifics of this book, but mostly what stuck with me is that it’s weird as shit and I thoroughly enjoyed it.

8. This is Ear Hustle by Nigel Poor and Earlonne Woods –This is the book form of an award-winning podcast discussing the realities of life in the American prison system, from those on both the inside and outside. It’s an often intense read, which I took in pieces over two months, but the storytelling is so engrossing, and introduces its audience to people and circumstances they most likely wouldn’t have encountered otherwise. I would never have guessed that San Quentin has skill-building and education programs, including the media lab where the Ear Hustle podcast is produced, or that at least one woman began a relationship with someone already in prison, moved her entire life to a desert prison town, and raised a family there. Each story in this book humanizes people who are often given little sympathy or understanding by society (even if they have been or are cruel and violent; redemption is not the point). The system they live in is definitely cruel and violent, but they are, like everyone, multifaceted people with loved ones and hobbies. Everyone has a story. This is the best kind of nonfiction to me, the kind that alters your view of the world and is still cropping up in your thoughts over six months later.

9. They Were Here Before Us by Eric LaRocca – I went through a big Eric LaRocca phase last fall, and I think this is overall the strongest of his works. The stories range from existentially shocking tales of nature at its darkest and most unnatural(?), to grotesque body horror, to unsettling tension that creeps across the pages like a serial killer stalking outside your window. A lot of the stories deal with the desperation, grotesqueness, and violation that comes with loving another person, and there’s a recurring contrast between bodies as vessels for love and as simply meat. Bearing in mind that I once said, in bemused shock, “Is Gideon the Ninth horror??”: it pushed against the boundaries of what I was comfortable reading and thinking about, without being shock for shock value. His writing is just viscerally fucked up.

10. The Darkness Outside Us by Eliot Schrefer – This is a fucking dark and bleak book that officially hooked me at the end of Part One, when what I thought would be the reveal of the entire book…happened. And so I said “well, now what??” And plunged into a brutally depressing, borderline nihilistic, violently hopeful story about the nature of humanity and finding purpose in life. There are heartwarming moments in this book too, and also some funny or trivial moments that remind you this book is, for some random reason, YA.* If you enjoy sci-fi that grapples with the dizzying feeling of our microscopic place in the unending void of the cosmos, I highly recommend this one. And if you read Emma Newman’s Before Mars and want more in that vein, you’ll find a lot to love here.

*Unlike some people on Goodreads, I do see a reason for the protagonists to be teenagers, but you can very much write an adult book about teenagers

11. So You Want to be a Wizard by Diane Duane – I regret not discovering this book as a child, because I would have loved it. It’s the story of two children who teach themselves wizardry and become embroiled in an ongoing struggle for the fate of the world. The poetic writing, the way trees are held in reverence, and the way language is magic in and of itself are all things that appeal to me as an adult, but would have been even more meaningful when I was younger. I especially loved how matter of fact the children are about discovering magic: of course there’s magic in the world. They’re children, and they can believe in anything.

Honorable Mentions:

The Thousand Crimes of Ming Tsu by Tom Lin

How to Sell a Haunted House by Grady Hendrix

Smiler’s Fair by Rebecca Levene

[findswoman]

4, 11, 20, 40, 71, 74

Thanks for asking! (From this list.)

4. Where do you find inspiration for new ideas?

All sorts of places. It can be just in conversations with other author friends, or in challenge prompts, or from related ideas that arise in the course of writing one story (the “I used to have three fic ideas, I wrote one, and I still have three fic ideas” effect).

11. Link your three favorite fics right now.

Favorite fics and authors are always extremely difficult for me to choose, because for one thing I don’t want to offend anyone. So I’ll limit it to three in-progress long stories I’ve been following and especially enjoying recently: your Stars in Their Multitudes series, The Liberator’s Path by @para-cera-therium , and one being worked on by my good friend @spacemomcreations , her Spectre Six series (part of her Infinite Ezras project).

20. Have you noticed any patterns in your fics? Words/expressions that appear a lot, themes, common settings, etc?

Oh man, there are a lot of these, and I know I’ll leave some out. Let’s see: “mismatched friendships” of characters from very different backgrounds, high proportion of alien characters, high proportion of female characters, much description of scenery, clothing, rituals, etc.; much ritual, period; being bogged down in choosing the right “said” synonym when I could probably dispense with them altogether; lots of paired modifiers (even my doctoral advisor got on me about that); long sentences, lots of em dashes (I blame reading too much Emily Dickinson in high school).

40. If someone were to make fanart of your work, what fic or scene would you hope to see?

Really, I’d be grateful for any story or scene at all, because that would be such a wonderful gesture of appreciation that I wouldn’t want to nitpick it! But in my own mind one scene I’ve been picturing a lot is the very last scene of The Book of Gand, Part the Third (you know the one, and I won’t give details here so as not to spoil things), so I definitely would not say no if someone with better art talent than me gave that one a try.

71. When it comes to more complicated narratives, how do you keep track of outlines, characters, development, timeline, etc.?

This one is still new territory for me, since I only have ever written (and am writing) one story of this type. Even though I’m generally more of a “gardener” than an “architect” when it comes to writing (and that definitely makes longer works an uphill battle, which is probably why they’re few and far between for me), I’ve been finding it helpful to write up a rough bullet-point-type outline (and I mean rough) of each chapter of BOG before actually writing it. That way I’m not going in totally cold, but there’s still room for things to evolve and change. That approach seems to be working for the time being, but who knows—if I embark on other epic-sized projects in the future, I might end up taking different approaches for them.

74. You’ve posted a fic anonymously. How would someone be able to guess that you’d written it?

Probably from the things listed in no. 20 above! 😁

[orangepanic]

Thanks for the tag @nyamadermont! A belated sort of year in review whose questions I thought were interesting.

1. Number of stories posted to Ao3: 46 added or updated in 2022

2. Word count in 2022: 508,999

3. Fandoms I wrote for: Avatar: The Legend of Korra and Avatar: The Last Airbender

4. Pairings: Iroh II/Asami Sato (25) and a smattering of other pairings in dribs and drabs like Mako/Korra (3) and Jet/Ty Lee (2)

5. Stories with the most:

Kudos: Severance, the Irosami ghost story

Bookmarks: Smoke, the Equalist Asami Irosami story

Comment threads:  Also Smoke, followed by Severance

Word count: Same as above. So clearly it was a year of two long fics. I’m thrilled people gave them a chance.

6. Work I’m most proud of (and why): I think it might be The Return, a Korra/Asami/Iroh II story. The premise is that Iroh and Asami marry and start a family sometime before book four, but he’s killed when he ignores Raiko’s order to surrender to Kuvira. Asami eventually gets together with Korra to raise the kids, only to have Iroh return from a secret POW camp years later. I’m proud of the story because I hardly ever write poly and had to really think through what that dynamic would be like between the three of them, the kids who didn’t know Iroh, and how they’d all react as the family changed. It wound up being much more about Korra and Iroh’s relationship than I expected. I got some very nice comments from people who don’t typically like Iroh/Asami as a ship, too.

7.   Work I’m least proud of (and why): All the ones I haven’t finished yet!

8.   Share or describe a favorite review you received: I love and treasure every single comment I get, but I’d like to leave a special shout out for @myargalargan and @devildogdemon for leaving long comments on every chapter of some of my multi chapter fics. It’s so amazing that they spend time and effort on that and I’m glowing.

9.   A time when writing was really, really hard: Isn’t it always? But the end of Smoke is killing me. This fic is going on three years and I know what needs to happen and it’s really hard not to mess it up. 

10. A scene or character you wrote that surprised you: Hiroshi and Yasuko Sato in How I Always Loved You are an absolute fucking delight and also such a surprise. Hiroshi Sato in canon is a kind of one-dimensional asshole who serves the purpose of being a villain (heck, I’ve written him like this myself) and Yasuko is just a photograph we see once who is usually assumed to be a carbon copy of her daughter, Asami. Getting such strong personalities for both of them has been so much fun, especially when it turned out both they and their ship dynamic was so different from Irosami. 

11. A favorite excerpt of your writing: I wrote a sequel to an Irosami vampire AU I’d written the year before. There are lots of parts of it that I like, but really liked seeing Iroh balance the human and more animalistic vampire urges. I did a ton of research for this fic because I decided vampires are like leopards with territories and stuff.

“I found it,” Iroh said lamely. He let the ball drop to the ground in quiet submission. He didn’t want Asami to take it away. His scent might be everywhere, but this was technically still her territory. Everything in it belonged to her. That was another thing Iroh had noticed. Concepts that before he’d only attributed to animals, like “prey” and “territory,” now seemed perfectly natural. 

He saw Asami stiffen slightly at the tone of his voice. She looked suddenly wary. 

“You can have it,” she said slowly. “I haven’t seen that ball since I was a kid. It’s probably been out here twenty years.” A slight pause. “Do you play?”

Iroh let his body relax; a signal to her that he wasn’t a threat. “Not since the Academy,” he said. “And that was mostly a bunch of us blowing off steam. Not a lot of kemari on ships. It’s too easy to lose it overboard.”

He saw Asami mimic his posture as she studied him from across the flat grassy area where he’d been playing. A de-escalation of sorts. Good. Not that Iroh had intended to challenge her. In truth, he wasn’t sure what he’d intended. It was only a ball. He was a guest here. Republic City was Asami’s to hunt… wasn’t it? And never mind that he was larger and fit and, an embarrassingly sexist thought, male. None of that mattered. Or it shouldn’t. Spirits, what was wrong with him?

“Do you?” he asked. The words seemed to have more weight than they ought. 

12. How did you grow as a writer this year: This (Avatar) fandom can be really hard on people in a lot of ways, and one of those ways is with a certain ideological purity that seems to pervade a lot of it and which is meant to dictate who can write what, and what can be written. This year I wrote a character with a physical disability (Tis the Sea Sun for Love) and I did a lot of research for what was a rather lighthearted holiday fic. I think a year ago I’d have been too scared someone would come screaming at me that I wasn’t allowed. 

13. How do you hope to grow next year: I find ending multi-chapter fics difficult. I feel like a lot of them go on too long and kind of fizzle out. So I’d like to work on my endings.

14. Who was your greatest positive influence this year as a writer (could be another writer or beta or cheerleader or muse etc etc): my discord server is a pretty awesome group of internet humans, I must say. Love u absolute cracky gorgeous degenerates.

15. Anything from your real life show up in your writing this year: I’m sadly susceptible to dares. The Only Thing I Ever wanted was bet you can’t write a soulmark AU, The Spares was bet you can’t make Korroh work, Big Fish was bet you won’t really write mermaid smut, Do You Have a Better Idea was bet you can’t make Iroh/Asami/Kuvira smut, etc. I’m very much like this in real life, too. 

16. Any new wisdom you can share with other writers: Your characters are people! Do what you can to get to know them as individuals and their unique dynamics in relationships. Think about their quirky likes and dislikes and weave those in. Know what they’re afraid of and what they want more than anything but tell no one. Imagine what they’d pick out at a store, or how they’d behave at a party, or what they’d be like in a group at a board game. You may never use the content, but it will help you find their voice and distinguish them from everyone else. There should (in my opinion) be very few plots that work the same for multiple ships. 

17. Any projects you’re looking forward to starting (or finishing) in the new year: I have a couple of big fics that I really want to start, but I have to finish some big fics first. If I can do that, the two I’m most interested in are one about the Equalist trials and another about 20-30 years post canon as the question of whether Raava can still reincarnate comes into question.

18. Tag some writers whose answers you’d like to read:

And anyone else who wants to!

[babymetaldoll]

DIWK: Chapter eleven: "Can't get you off my mind"

|Word count:  9,7K

Summary:  Reader struggles with her feelings for Spencer and tries to work with Seaver. Neither of those things works. Spencer's headaches are getting worse. Also, it's Anderson's birthday! Things are getting a little more complicated.

Warnings:  Hardcore fools in love. It's getting painful to watch. Spoilers of Criminal Minds Season 6 Episode 11. 25 to life. Cursing, and frustration. Alcohol consumption. Assholes being blind.

A/N: Please don't hate me! but these two are just so blind, it hurts!

Masterlist

Chapter one | Chapter two | Chapter three | Chapter four | Chapter five | Chapter six | Chapter seven | Chapter eight | Chapter nine | Chapter ten | Chapter eleven | Chapter twelve | Chapter thirteen | Chapter fourteen | Chapter fifteen |

.•*•.•*•.•*•.•*•.•*•.•*•.

Spencer's point of view

Psychotics in a break always evolve. Well, I was psychotic at that minute of my life, but the only things evolving were my migraines. They were driving me insane. I could feel them taking over my life, my head, my sanity. I could feel my good judgment slipping through my fingers every day, especially since (Y/N) had started acting strange.

It wasn't like she had stopped talking to me or hanging out with me. But I could feel a void growing between us every day. And it was driving me insane. I couldn't understand where it had come from. I just knew it was eating me alive.

Morgan was having a bad day. One really bad day. The man he had vouched for parole had just murdered a man after nearly 70 hours of freedom, and now the team was trying to solve the whole case. Don Sanderson claimed he had been framed guilty of the murder of his wife and baby daughter, but after 25 years in prison, the first thing he did as a free man was to murder someone else.

It made no sense.

We had visited the murder scene. Hotch was still on a leave, so it was just Prentiss, (Y/N), Morgan, Rossi, Seaver, and I. Emily was in full "training agent's duty," walking Seaver through every step of the procedure, which was very nice of her. It was her first case after the incident in New Mexico, and she was eager to do better work than that time. She was nearly jumping all over the place, taking notes.

I talked with Garcia on the phone because he was worried about Morgan, and then I walked to (Y/N), who kept a safe distance from Emily and Seaver.

- "The bullets were in the other room, but the gun is right here,"- I said as I looked around the room. (Y/N) turned to me, ready to speak her mind, but Ashley spoke first, which annoyed her beyond belief.

- "Maybe killing him was an accident."

I looked at my best friend as Prentiss and Ashley continued talking. She just crossed her arms and walked around the room. She surely wasn't dealing well with having Seaver around. I wanted to ask her something, anything, but nothing came to mind.

- "Sanderson was out of prison for what, Reid?"- I answered Emily's question but didn't even turn to look at her. My eyes were following (Y/N), moving around that room.

- "At the time of the murder, 51 hours."

- "He's free for 2 days and change? What's the big hurry to find this guy?"

- "Are you ok?"- I whispered and stood next to (Y/N) as Prentiss and Ashley kept analyzing the scene.

- "Yeah, just tired."

- "Do you wanna have dinner with me tonight? I didn't see you this weekend, and I thought we could do a movie night."

(Y/N) took her time to answer, but finally, after a moment, she nodded and agreed.

- "Movie night sounds nice."

- "Great, ‘cos I rented your favorites."- I might have sounded more excited than I should, but I had really missed her those days, and I may or may not have watched and read Pride and Prejudice a couple of times.

- "Did you? Really?"

- "Yes, I was hoping to spend some time with you."

- "Are you coming, Spence?"- Seaver interrupted us and looked from the door- "Rossi called. They are interviewing Sanderson at the BAU."

- "Yeah, we are coming,"- I answered and looked away. (Y/N) shook her head and walked outside in silence the second Prentiss called my name, and I couldn't follow her. Which, I guess, was a good thing.

- "Is everything ok?"- Emily stayed behind with me. She raised an eyebrow, watching (Y/N) walking out of the room as Ashley waited for us by the door.

- "Yes?"- my answer came more as a question because I honestly didn't know what to say- "Everything is ok, Emily."

- "Correct me if I'm wrong, but I have the feeling (Y/N) isn't thrilled to have agent Seaver around."- I almost chuckled at her words and just nodded.

- "It's not like she has made it hard to tell. She literally yelled at her at the jet."

- "Is she mad at me because I am supervising her training?"

- "I don't know. I don't think so… she hasn't told me so. Well, she hasn't talked to me much lately."

- "Why? Did you fight?"- Prentiss wide opened her eyes and moved a little closer to me, trying to read my expressions.

- "No, I don't know what's going on. She just… we…"- I couldn't find the right words to explain my mind, and I think Prentiss knew it, ‘cos she didn't push me.

- "You should talk to her."

- "Yeah, we are going out tonight."

- "You have a date?"- Ashley walked over and asked me with a short smile. I cleared my throat and shook my head right away.

- "No, just meeting with a friend."

- "Oh, sorry. I didn't mean to intrude,"- Seaver blushed and looked at her shoes. Prentiss smiled, probably reading something I wasn't seeing.

- "Come on, Rossi is probably waiting for us at the BAU, and I'm guessing Morgan is not in a good mood."

For the rest of the day, I tried to find a moment alone with (Y/N). I needed to talk about what was going on. But it was impossible. We worked late, rereading the original case files, trying to find something that might help us help Sanderson. But it was frustrating and nearly impossible.

So around nine, we decided to call it a day and go home.

- "Are you in the mood for Chinese?"- I looked at (Y/N), gathering all the things as I stood next to her desk- I thought maybe we could get some take-out from that place you love on our way home.

- "Sounds nice. What are we watching?"

- "Pride and Prejudice, Coraline, maybe Beetlejuice. You pick, I've got all your favorites,"- (Y/N) narrowed her eyes, looking at me in silence- "What?"

- "So you rented movies ‘cos you wanted to hang out with me?"

- "Yes."

- "You usually don't rent movies. You rent documentaries."

- "Yes, but I wanted to do something different this time. I told you I missed you."

(Y/N) blushed as she stood in front of me, biting the inner part of her cheek, trying not to smile. I looked at her, nearly beaming, excited to see her reaction. I had felt so scared to lose her, feeling her pushing away from me. It was a balm watching her so happy, and just because I missed her.

- "I love Pride and Prejudice,"- Ashley said from her desk- "I've read that book so many times, I think I can recite it."

I looked at her and nodded with an awkward smile. I knew she was just trying to be nice ‘cos she was new at the BAU, and she was also trying to be nicer to (Y/N), to get on her good side. But that wasn't the way to get to her. Maybe I had to talk to Seaver and explain that my best friend is a special woman.

Neither of us answered her comment. We just stood there, looking at her in silence, until Anderson walked over and waved.

- "Hey agents, before you go, I wanted to tell you, this Friday I'm celebrating my birthday, and I'd love to have you over."

- "Of course, Sonny!"- (Y/N) wide opened her eyes and clapped. She had called him "Sonny" since they sang "I got you babe" by Sonny and Cher in the karaoke at the Christmas party the year before.

- "Happy birthday, Anderson!"- Derek waved.

- "Thank you! We'll gather at a bar nearby. I'll text you the address."

- "We wouldn't miss it for the world,"- Prentiss added and smiled- "Do you mind if we tell JJ and Garcia?"

- "Please do! I haven't seen JJ since she left, and it would be amazing to have her over. You too, agent Seaver."

- "Thank you!"- Ashley smiled and nodded- "Count me in."

I could feel (Y/N)'s eyes rolling, annoyed, even when I wasn't even looking at her at that minute. I grabbed my bag and my coat and held her hand.

- "Bye, guys! See you tomorrow!"- that was all I said as I dragged her out of the bullpen. Emily waved at us, and Derek cut me an evil grin I could decode easily. I just ignored him and turned to the door.

- "Have fun, pretty girl!!"- Morgan chuckled at his own words, and (Y/N) just smiled and winked. Why? Probably to show him she didn't care about all his teasing, ‘cos nothing was ever going to happen between us.

(Y/N)'s point of view

It might have been childish, but I had to take advantage of Morgan's innuendo just to show Seaver things could happen between Spencer and me. It had been immature and silly, but I just felt like I needed to do it. It was like a stupid animal instinct that forced me to mark my territory.

I shouldn't have done it. Spencer wasn't mine. Not even close. And I had to stop being jealous of Seaver. If he didn't want me, he had the right to be with anyone else. But just the thought of Spencer being with someone, anyone, made me feel sick in my stomach. I hated being in love with him. I honestly did, ‘cos I didn't want to ruin our friendship with useless feelings. Spencer wasn't in love with me. He was just my friend. My very thoughtful, cute, adorable, and lovable best friend.

I was fucked. Completely and utterly fucked. Even that second, sitting on that couch with Spencer, I couldn't focus on the movie. I pretended, but I didn't even pay attention to it. All I could think of was how warm his body felt sitting next to me, like a gigantic magnet that called for me. I could simply just move my hand and intertwined his fingers with mine. Or lean in closer, rest my head on his shoulder, feel how he wraps an arm around me, and melt in his embrace, like I had done a million times before.

But I couldn't. I had to stop that daydream of a domestic and romantic life with Spencer. It wasn't healthy. It wasn't sane. But most of all: I wasn't real. And I was never going to move forward in life if I kept thinking those movie nights meant something.

- "More popcorn?- Spencer handed me the bowl, and I shook my head- "You have been awfully quiet considering we are watching Coraline."

- "Well, we are supposed to watch the movie in silence,"- I answered and didn't take my eyes from the screen.

- "You have never done that."

- "Maybe I wanted to give it a try."

I grabbed a bunch of popcorn just to keep myself busy. I could feel Spencer's eyes on me, and it was killing me ‘cos I knew I didn't have to look at him. If I did, I wasn't sure how I would react. I was overthinking everything and anything you might think of.

- "Are you ok?"

- "Yeah. Sure."

No, I wasn't.

- "(Y/N), can you look at me?"- Spencer paused the movie and turned to me. I hesitated, thinking my best friend is an amazing profiler, and I didn't want him to know how I felt about him ‘cos it didn't want to ruin our friendship.

After a few seconds, I moved on the couch and raised an eyebrow. His brown eyes stared into mine in silence for a moment, trying to read me.

- "What is going on?"

- "Nothing,"- I lied and frowned- "Why are you so obsessed with the idea something is going on?"

- "‘Cos I have this… feeling."

- "You got a feeling?"- I chuckled, trying to be funny but failing completely. In the end, I just stared into his eyes for what seemed to be a million years but were, in fact, just a few seconds.

- "Are we ok?"

- "Of course, we are, Spencer."

- "You never call me that"- he frowned immediately, almost hurt.

- "What?"

- "You just call me Spencer when we are on a case, and there are people around us. But when we are home, I'm never Spencer to you."

"When we are home." That killed me. I hadn't realized how badly I wanted that to be our home, to have a life with Spencer.

I was in love with my best friend. I was spending every single hour of every single day of my life with him. That wasn't right! If I knew he didn't have feelings for me, why was I doing that to myself?

- "(Y/N)?"- Spencer's voice took me from my thoughts. He looked so worried I didn't know how to convince him there wasn't anything wrong, considering it felt like everything was wrong.

- "What is it?"

- "Please tell me what's wrong."

- "I told you, nothing is wrong. I just called you Spencer. That's your name. It's a lovely name. I had never met someone called Spencer ever before in my entire life. You just called me (Y/N), not pumpkin, cupcake, chipmunk, or ma chère,"- he sighed, frustrated and maybe a little annoyed.

- "Nothing is wrong, honey. I'm really ok. Just tired, maybe feeling a little invaded with Seaver in the team"- I knew he knew I hated her, so I had to blame her in a way.

- "Why?"

- "You know I'm not her fan... I hate working with her,"- I kind of chuckled at my own words because I was trying to make a joke out of my awful reality.

- "It's just for a few weeks,"- he tried to reassure me, probably to ease my mood, but the truth was I hated how it always felt like he was defending her.

- "One week, one day, it's the same torture,"- I shook my head and turned to the screen again.

- "Don't be dramatic."

- "I'm not dramatic! I just hate how she is always playing the victim ‘cos her father is a serial killer. She is clearly overcompensating! Besides, we have all gone through bad shit in our lives, and no one is using it as a tool to get things in life."

- "I don't think that's what she is doing."

- "No? Do you think she belongs at the BAU? She is a trainee agent who almost got killed in her first assignment. She works hard, and she is not stupid, I give you that. But she is not top of her class. She is not there ‘cos she is the brightest. She is there ‘cos Rossi, Hotch, and probably Prentiss felt bad for her after what happened and decided to let her hang around and learn something for a while. If you ask me, I think there are more qualified trainee agents we could use in the team, but Seaver played her "my father was a serial killer" card and got the job. And who knows how many times she had done it before, and how many times she will use it again."

Ok, that may or may not have been too hard, but it was exactly how I felt. There was a deep silence in Spencer's apartment. The movie was still paused, and after my speech, Spencer just looked at me with wide-opened eyes. I just sighed and regretted every word that had left my lips ‘cos they made me sound bitter and shallow. But at least they didn't tell him the truth: that I was jealous of the thought Seaver might get his attention. Scared that he could look at her the way he had never looked at me. Just to imagine I could bump into them kissing terrified me.

- "Maybe I should just go home,"- I whispered and tried to stand up, but Spencer grabbed my arm and pulled me back onto the couch.

- "No, please. Stay,"- his voice was a whisper but still managed to shake me.

- "I don't wanna argue with you, honey,"- I thought I would speak too loud, but no, I actually murmured, matching his tone of voice.

- "We don't have to talk about Seaver anymore. Just watch the movie with me. You love this movie."

- "You love this book,"- I added and looked at him. He smiled. God, that smile is going to be the end of me.

- "It's just so dark! But it has such a good message."

- "Not all nice people are good people?"- I just spoke about what the book had meant to me ever since I was a little girl, and Spencer analyzed the whole plot again in less than a minute.

- "I was going to say overcoming your fears, but I like your analysis the most."

- "Of course, you do, ‘cos it's better,"- I teased and stuck out my tongue to him. Spencer just stared at me and nodded.

- "You might be right. Yours is much better,"- he kept his eyes on me for a few more seconds and continued smiling until he snapped from his thoughts- "More tea, ma chère?"

- "No, honey, thank you. I'm good."

I cut him a quick smile and sat back on the couch, trying to relax. I knew it was going to be impossible, but I honestly didn't want to leave. I wanted to be with him. I had stayed home alone the whole weekend, hidden underneath a pile of blankets, in something that looked pretty much like a fort, according to Lu's words. She had stayed with me Saturday night ‘cos I told her I needed a girl's night. It was my poor attempt to stay away from Reid, and she was happy to help.

Ok, Lu didn't know I wanted to stay away from Reid. I just told her I needed a girl's night. I really didn't want to deal with all her questions. You have the right to avoid dealing with your feelings from time to time if you can. And I told Spencer Lu wasn't feeling so good, so I wanted to spend some time with her. He sounded disappointed ‘cos he was making plans for our weekend off but understood completely I needed to be with my friend.

See? Spencer made it so easy falling in love with him! He was so thoughtful it freaking hurt!

I couldn't fight the feeling anymore and rested my head on his shoulder. It felt he was waiting for me to make that move, ‘cos in a few seconds, his arm was wrapped around me protectively.

- "I know Lu needed you, but you missed a whole weekend of cuddling on this couch watching your favorite movies with me,"- Spencer whispered, bumping his head carefully against mine. I bit my lips and smiled, not taking my eyes away from the screen.

- "We do this pretty often"- that was all I could answer.

- "At least once a week for the last… thirteen-month two weeks, and… four days."

- "I love how precise you can be when it comes to our friendship, honey."

Calling it a friendship hurt me at that point, but it was what it was. Spencer chuckled and just nodded. We enjoyed our company in silence for a moment. His fingers drawing figures on my arm and my head resting on his shoulder, letting his smell invade me. It was heaven.

We were finally watching the movie… though what I really wanted was to watch a movie with Spencer instead of actually watching it. But that was the nature of our relationship. We were friends. Friends don't watch movies.

- "No way,"- I argued when his cellphone rang and interrupted our moment- "Please tell me we don't have a case."

- "We don't,"- he quickly answered and picked up the phone- "Hello? Hi… it's ok, tell me"- he didn't stand up or moved from me. He kept holding me tight against his body and finished his call by simply saying.

- "We can meet tomorrow at seven at work. I can help you with your test."- I hated those words immediately.

- "It's not a problem, see you tomorrow. Bye."

I was afraid to ask ‘cos I knew the answer. The knot on my stomach was the fair warning of what had just happened. That bitch had ruined our moment yet again.

- "What are you doing tomorrow at seven?"- I did my best to sound as casual as possible, but I knew that conversation might not end well. He hesitated. I could nearly hear his neurons struggling to find the correct answer to that question. Until he simply whispered:

- "Please don't get mad."

- "Why would I?"

- "‘Cos Ashley just called to ask me to help her study for a test…"

I took a deep breath and held it for a few seconds, doing my best to calm myself down at least a little before speaking.

- "I'm not mad, Spencer,"- I tried to lie as smoothly as possible. I even cut him a smile and looked into his hazel and confused eyes.

- "I know you don't like her, but I had offered to help in case she needed any… what?"

- "I'm not mad, really,"- I smiled again and turned to the screen- "We said we were not going to argue, and besides, she just called to ask you for help. That's not something to be mad about, right?"

Technically I wasn't mad. I was beyond furious.

- "Are you sure?"- he narrowed his eyes, baffled- "Not that I want you to be mad or something, but we just argued over her, and you said you felt invaded by her… so…"

- "Yes, but I don't wanna argue anymore. I don't want you to think I hate Seaver because I don't. And most of all, I don't want her to be the reason we fight. I don't wanna fight with you. Ever."

Spencer sighed, relieved, and smiled, pleased with my answer.

Spencer's point of view

Something felt off the following day when I walked into the bullpen and saw Ashley waiting for me by my desk with two cups of coffee. (Y/N) had said everything was ok, and I decided I wanted to believe her. But I had an awful feeling about everything that was going on.

- "Hi!"- Ashley smiled and handed me a cup- "Figured you might appreciate one of these for making you wake up earlier."

- "Thank you"- I smiled awkwardly and held the cup- "Are you ready?"

- "Yes, I brought all the notes from the class and my books…"- she set them on her desk and giggled as I went through her notes, sipping my cup- "I feel back in high school…"

- "Why?"

- "I wasn't the best student back then, and I always had to ask my classmates for help,"- I couldn't help but think of something (Y/N) had said the night before.

- "And are you a good student at the academy?"

- "Yes, I think. I'm not in the top three of my class, but I have good grades. I'm just not… a genius, like you."

Her eyes lingered on my face, and her cheeks blushed after a few seconds. I frowned, not getting why she was embarrassed. Was it just ‘cos she didn't have the same honorifics as I did?

- "I don't believe that intelligence can be accurately quantified,"- I simply answered, remembering how many times in my life I had ever said something like that. Way too many, to be honest.

It was hard to focus on the subject when Seaver kept asking me personal questions every five minutes. She seemed more interested in knowing about my childhood in Las Vegas than learning about profiling and victimology.

- "Good morning, kids!"- I turned around and smiled at Morgan, so glad to see him I might have actually felt a little relieved- "What are you doing here so early?"

- "Hey! I was just helping Ashley with her test,"- I stood up and walked from her desk over his- "And about you?"

- "I have a meeting with Strauss in a while, and Sanderson's case didn't let me sleep. It was better to come here and start working than to keep on rolling on my bed. But I'm glad you are here. Wanna help me go through a few extra files?"

- "Of course!"- I left the notes I was holding on the closest desk and walked with Morgan to the conference room.

I considered our session with Seaver finished, mostly ‘cos for the last ten minutes, she had been asking about me. What I liked doing outside the BAU, favorite bands, hobbies, anything. I answered her questions and kept trying to push her to study. I didn't want her to blame me if she failed her test.

- "Hey, kid."- Morgan whispered after a few minutes and took a look around, just to make sure no one else was near. I looked at him confused ‘cos he was never that careful to say anything in the office.

- "Is everything ok?"

- "Yes?"- I answered, though it sounded like a question ‘cos I wasn't sure what he was talking about.

- "Are you excited to have Seaver on the team for the next month?"- I shrugged and kept reading the file in my hands- "Come on, Reid. She is clearly sweet to you."

- "I don't know what you are talking about."

- "She has a crush on you, kid."

- "No, she doesn't!"

- "Come on! Are you blind?"- I stared at Morgan, not getting what he was talking about- "Man, Seaver gives you loving eyes even when we are on the field!"

- "She does not!"- I knew I was blushing. I hated those kinds of conversations, and Morgan always made me feel awkward when he hinted I should flirt with a girl or just talk to them.

- "And I would appreciate it if you didn't say anything like that ever again."

- "What's the matter, kid? You don't think she is pretty?"

- "I don't look at her that way!"- I buried my head in a file and tried not to notice how he scanned my whole face, looking for micro expressions.

- "I see. Are you afraid (Y/N) might get jealous?"- Morgan chuckled at his words and tapped on my back a few times, making me flinch- "Relax, man. I'm just kidding!"

- "I don't like those jokes, Derek. Really."

Morgan kept his eyes on me a little longer and nodded. I did my best not to show how I really felt, but somehow, I failed miserably.

- "You know, kid, it would be much easier if you just told (Y/N) how you feel about her,"- Derek's voice was soft and even more concerned than I thought he could be. I nearly shook when I heard him, so I failed my mission of remaining stoic.

- "Reid, it's ok. There's nothing wrong with having feelings for her."

- "I don't… like talking about this,"- I whispered and closed the file- "Can we just focus on work, please?"- Derek nodded and stayed quiet for a few seconds. But I knew he wasn't done yet.

- "Reid, listen. I know you are not really fond of sharing how you feel with us, I know you share almost everything that happens in your life with (Y/N), and as your friend, I've always felt glad and relieved to know you have her. But if there's something you can't tell her, and you need to talk to someone, you can count on me. You know that, right?"

I nodded and looked at him. That conversation took me back to the year I was using and had to keep it secret from my friends. I knew I could count on Morgan if anything happened, but I really wasn't comfortable sharing my thoughts, feelings, and fears with people. (Y/N) made it so easy. Was it ‘cos I loved her? I just always felt I could tell her anything. That had never happened to me before with anyone.

- "Morgan, Strauss was looking for you,"- Rossi walked into the room holding a cup of coffee and stared at us, raising an eyebrow- "Everything ok?"

- "Yes, we were just going through some files,"- Morgan stood up and grabbed the case folder- "I'll be right back."

- "I'll finish reading all these,"- I said and pointed at the box filled with more files. Morgan nodded and walked away.

- "Do you need any help?"- Seaver walked over that second and smiled at me. I stood up and shook my head.

- "Thanks, but I'm basically done. I'll just go make myself another cup of coffee."

- "I'll go with you!"- she smiled and waited for me by the door. Rossi looked at me and raised an eyebrow. I just cut him a straight smile and walked to the kitchenette, followed closely by Ashley.

(Y/N) walked into the bullpen that minute. I watched her as she opened the glass door and took out her jacket. It felt like the time passed in slow motion as she walked. I couldn't help it, I just smiled as soon as our eyes crushed, and for a few seconds, life was perfect. Just to know she was there, smiling at me made everything worth living.

See why I couldn't tell anyone how I was feeling? They would make fun of me. Morgan would never understand the agony and the dimension of my love for her. He would just tease me. I wonder if he had ever actually been in love 'till that point in life.

I didn't want anyone to know what was happening to me ‘cos I was sure they would make fun of me, and that was the last thing I needed at that moment. So I did what I knew best: I locked it all inside and waited for it to burn me alive.

- "Good morning, chipmunk!"- I stood by (Y/N)'s side and smiled as she left her things on her desk and turned to me. She just looked into my eyes, and my brain turned into mush.

- "Good morning, honey bunny. Did you sleep well? You look tired."

- "Yeah, I just got up extra early today to help Seaver, and now I was helping Derek with some files."

- "Do you need a hand?"

- "Sure!"- I didn't even analyze my answer. I just spit the words, thinking it would be amazing to spend some time with my friend, working together.

- "Hi (Y/N), how are you?"- that until her face changed completely when Seaver waved at her- "Spencer, do you want me to make your coffee?"- I froze and turned to her in silence.

- "No, thank you. I'll… just… wait a little before having another one. I just had my third cup."

- "Three cups in already"- (Y/N) narrowed her eyes and turned to her desk, giving me her back- "How long have you been awake?"

- "Not as long as Morgan, I tell you that,"- I pointed at him, walking out of Strauss's office and heading back to our conference room.

- "Let's help him, then."

(Y/N) walked quickly, and I followed closely. I wished I hadn't said no to that coffee. I really needed one to go through that morning.

During that morning, Derek questioned Sanderson again and finally took him and Rossi back to his house, trying to trigger any memory that might help us crack the case. Meanwhile, the rest of the team and I stayed back in the office, repeatedly going through the case files. So far, all we knew is that a team had attacked Sanderon's home and framed him for the murder of his wife and daughter.

The whole day, I focused on work ‘cos it's my favorite escape, and clearly, there was something more important to think of than whatever was going on with my life. But my head was killing me. The migraines were starting to get more intense, and I think they got worse the more thinking I gave to my relationship with (Y/N).

- "It sounds like we need to profile a dormant killer"- Ashle's voice surprised me when I was pouring myself a cup of fresh coffee in the kitchenette.

- "A very lucky one. He was essentially given a gift, a patsy in the form of Don Sanderson, and he'll do anything to protect that story."- I answered, thinking I didn't want to be in Sanderon's shoes, trying to clear my name of something I hadn't done.

- "When someone has a secret this big, everything becomes a lie."

Somehow, Seaver's words hit me. I'm sure she didn't mean to strike a nerve, but she did. I had been in love with my best friend for too long, and now it was starting to affect my life. I didn't want it to get in the way of work, and we were at work most of our time together. But there was nothing I could do about it. I just had to keep on faking everything was normal.

- "He'll most likely be pathological,"- I nearly choked at my own words as I tried to shake away the thoughts from my head.

- "So, we're looking for a liar in D. C. I thought we were trying to narrow this down."- Ashley tried to joke and waited for my reaction but didn't get anything. Instead, I just cut her a straight smile and walked away.

By the end of the night, Morgan had gotten the unsub. But I was still a mess. It had been the longest day in weeks, not just ‘cos I had barely slept the night before, but because I was overthinking everything that happened around me. It was exhausting.

- "Are you coming, Batsy?"- (Y/N) asked me and grabbed her bag after putting on her coat. I stood from my desk and nodded.

- "Yes, ma chère."

- "Where are you guys going tonight?"- Derek asked and smiled at us- "No. Don't tell me, planning this year's matching Comic-Con costumes"- I chuckled and probably blushed, busted.

- "We already settled those, Derek. We are way ahead of schedule this year,"- (Y/N) answered and stuck out her tongue to him.

- "(Y/N), can you give me a second before you go?"- Prentiss stood up and smiled at my friend, who just nodded and walked with her to the conference room. Derek and Seaver looked at me.

- "What?"

- "Do you know what's that about?"- Morgan questioned me.

- "I have no idea."

(Y/N)'s point of view

- "Please don't freak out,"- Emily smiled and turned to me after she closed the door behind her back- I just needed to clear the air a little bit between us.

- "What? Why? Is there something wrong?"

- "I don't know, I just feel you have been acting weird lately, and I needed to know if it has something to do with me supervising Seaver."

I nearly gasped. Not ‘cos I felt insulted but ‘cos I felt caught. I knew I hadn't been subtle about my feelings for Seaver. I just didn't want them to get in the middle of work.

- "I haven't been weird with you, Emily, and I don't think I've been acting strange."

- "Come on, you don't like Ashley, and I offered to supervise her while she works with us."

- "Yes, but neither of those has anything to do with me and you. We are friends, Emily."

- "I know, and I wanna honor that friendship, (Y/N). I love working with you. I just want you to know I'm not… I just… I'm trying to help Seaver start her career."

- "I understand that. We are ok,"- I tried to reassure her, but I knew she could read between my bullshit.

- "Do you think you could try to be a little bit nicer with her?"

- "Nicer?"

- "Yes, (Y/N). She is making an effort to get along with the team, and you've been giving her the cold shoulder since day one." -I crossed my arms on my chest, obviously annoyed and defensive.

- "I have been friendly with her, Emily. I just don't like her, and you can't force me to be her friend."

In my defense, in my mind, that argument didn't sound as childish as it did when I said it out loud.

- "Don't be selfish! Just because you are jealous, you can't deprive her of the opportunity of a lifetime with this team."

Emily's words were knives against my ego and nearly destroyed my facade. I stared into her eyes and wondered how to get out of that situation without hurting my friend. I could pretend I didn't know what she was talking about, but we both knew that was bullshit. I could actually try to tell her how I felt, but it was so humiliating I refused to open up. So instead, I just nodded and smiled at her.

- "I'm sorry that's how you see me. I'll try to be a better version of myself tomorrow,"- and needless to say, I turned around and left.

- "(Y/N), please wait,"- but I didn't stop walking. I refused to continue talking about Seaver with anyone. I refused to deal with feelings or the real world.

- "Everything ok?"- Spencer asked me the second he saw me appear by his side.

- "Yes,"

- "You are blushing. Did you and Prentiss argue?"

- "No, honey. We didn't argue. She just wanted to check on me ‘cos she was worried I was mad at her. But that's all."- Spencer just nodded and looked at me in silence.- "Why don't we just go home and forget about today, honey?"

Easier said than done.

So Seaver was getting under my skin. And it was getting harder to control. That week was hell, and I didn't want to show it. Eventually, I talked with Emily again, and I tried to explain to her I wasn't being mean with Seaver. I just didn't like her. And though I gave Emily my word to be friendlier with Ashley, the circumstances weren't really helping.

Things didn't get any better than Friday night. No, if anything, that was the night that made it all worse. Prentiss, JJ, and I got together at Garcia's house and had a few drinks before leaving for Anderson's birthday. I was making my biggest effort to have fun and ease my mind. Spencer said he wasn't sure he'd make it ‘cos he was tired, and automatically I almost turned out the whole deal, but Penelope literally dragged me to her house and put a beer in my hand.

- "You, my young lady, are going to put some makeup on, a hot dress, and we are going to party!"

- "But PG, I'm not…"- but she didn't let me out of it. Instead, she shushed me and raised an eyebrow, looking pretty convincing.

- "No "but." You are going. End of the conversation."

So she dragged me to the bar, along with Prentiss and JJ, who had left Will with little Henry to join us for what was promised to be one epic girl's night.

Anderson was so happy to see us. He was a sweetheart who was always willing to help us. I knew technically he didn't work at the BAU, but he was always there whenever we needed him. We all felt he was part of the team.

- "Sonny!!"- I yelled and hugged him tight

- "I'm so glad you girls made it!!"- and his smile was priceless- "JJ!!"- he actually yelled when he saw her and ran to give her a triple bear hug.

- "Grant Anderson!! I can't believe it's really you!!"

- "I've missed you so much!! How's Henry?"

- "So big!! I feel I haven't been out with friends in so long!"- JJ looked around, and her face kept lighting up as she recognized more friends and acquaintances from Quantico. I looked around and recognized Morgan already flirting with a woman at the other side of the bar.

- "Looks like chocolate thunder knows how to keep himself busy,"- I joked, and Garcia turned immediately.

- "Have you ever seen him shirtless?"- she asked in a lower voice and leaned a little closer to me, just to make sure no one would listen- "I'm sure it's illegal looking so good in real life."

I laughed and turned to see Prentiss walk to the bar to get us the first round of drinks. Ok, I'll admit it, I was having a great time. I know I didn't want to go at first, but spending time with my work friends and not just with Spencer was refreshing. Not that I didn't do fun things with the rest of the team, but my relationship with Spencer, I mean the friendship that pretty much looked like a relationship, consumed most of my time. But I just loved being with Reid more than anything.

But one night without him wasn't going to be the end of the world. Right?

Right.

Anderson and I danced and laughed. It was all very innocent. And though I've never considered myself a hot chick or whatever, a few guys asked if they could get me drinks, and I kindly declined. I wasn't looking for a one-night stand or anything. I just wanted to have fun with my friends.

- "And where's Reid?"- Anderson asked as we reached our table, where Prentiss and JJ were catching up and laughing.

- "Home, he said he was tired."

- "And? When are you two going to come clean about your relationship? You know, having the confirmation of your romance would be the best birthday present you could ever give me."

- "Grant Anderson, you nosy bastard!!"- I hit his arm and heard his laughter- "You know we are not dating!"

- "Come on!! I mean it! You have to get together! You are like the FBI sweethearts!!"

- "Shut your face!"- Anderson laughed even harder and took a look around the bar

- "So, if you are not dating Spencer, I have a friend who asked about you."

- "Who? What friend? Is he here?"- Garcia shouted question after question as she had overheard the whole conversation and even moved closer.

- "His name is James. He saw you on the news a few months ago, at a press conference with Rossi, and has been asking about you ever since."

I frowned and looked at Garcia, who was wide-eyed staring at Anderson. I had no idea what was going on. It was bizarre.

- "No, thank you?"- I whispered, not even sure of what I should answer at that- "I'm very flattered, Grant, but… I'm really not looking for someone right now."

- "You are not?"- Garcia asked me, and I just shook my head.

- "No, I have too much going on in my life, with work and… well… what we do…"

- "Really?"- Anderson sounded a little disappointed- "Well, in case you change your mind, James is…"

- "(Y/N)? Can I talk to you for a second?"- Garcia grabbed my arm and crawled me to a side of the bar.

- "What? What is it?"

- "Munchkin, you know I love you."

- "Yes, I love you too, PG."

- "That's why I feel like I need to be honest with you, ‘cos you've always been so sweet, and we've known each other for years now, and I feel like if I don't tell you this, you are never going to forgive me."- Penelope was nearly hyperventilating as she spoke.

- "Ok, what is it? You are scaring me."

- "You have to tell Reid how you feel."

- "What?"

- "He has to know! You have to tell him!"

- "I don't wanna talk about what, Penelope"- I tried to walk away from her, but she stopped me, grabbed my arm, and pulled me back.

- "No, (Y/N). He loves you, I'm not a profiler, I don't even play one on tv, but I am sure what I see in his eyes when he looks at you is love… ‘cos it's the same you have when you look at him!"

- "Son of a bitch!!"- the words escaped my lips as my heart nearly left my chest.

- "No, (Y/N)!"- but Garcia lost my attention that second, ‘cos all I could see was Spencer Walter Reid walking into the bar and Ashley Seaver hanging from his arm.

- "What do you want me to tell him, Garcia? To have fun with his new girlfriend?"- I pointed at the door, and her jaw nearly hit the floor.

- "Ok, no. There has to be a reasonable explanation for that!"

- "Yes, but Spencer being in love with me is not the explanation. I'm gonna get a drink."

Spencer's point of view

I was surprised to get Ashley's phone call that night. When my phone rang, I was ready to go to bed. My head was killing me. I had already scheduled an appointment with the doctor for some exams. I was starting to have a bad feeling about what those headaches really were, and I was too scared to tell anyone what was going on. Not even (Y/N).

Actually, of all people, she was the one I wanted to keep in the dark. Why? ‘Cos ever since we met she had taken care of me, I didn't think it was fair. She had taken me into her life and given me a place in it. And sometimes, I felt I was a burden. She helped me overcome all of my traumas and even my drug addiction. She introduced me to her best friends and made me part of her life. (Y/N) had taken trips with me to Las Vegas just to see my mom, ‘cos she knew it was hard for me to do it on my own. If it hadn't been for her, I would have probably spent over a year without visiting her. Now, we took a weekend to see mom every few months.

Why would I trouble her with some headaches? It wasn't fair.

When Ashley called, for a moment, I thought it might be (Y/N), asking me to pick her up. But no. It wasn't her that time.

- "Hey Spence, I'm sorry to bother you, but… are you at Anderson's party?"

- "No, actually, I'm in my house."

- "Why? I thought you were invited too."

- "Yeah, I know, and I was, but I'm kind of tired, and I wanted to come home and get some rest. Why? Are you at the party?"

- "No, but I was getting ready to go. But now I feel kind of awkward asking you."

- "What? What is it?"

- "I just… wanted to know if you could come with me. I'm so sorry, Spence, I didn't know you were tired. I just… I wanted to go to the party, but I feel kind of silly going alone. I wanted to ask Prentiss, but she left with (Y/N) and Garcia, and I felt so awkward asking…"

I wanted to groan, roll in my bed and hide under my pillow. But Ashley was the new girl, and she deserved to have some fun.

- "Don't worry, I'll take you there,"- I know I whispered my answer ‘cos I didn't really want to do it, but somehow I felt it was my duty.

- "Really?!"- and by the excitement in Ashley's voice, it was clear that was what she wanted to hear.

- "I'll pick you up in half an hour, ok?"

- "Thank you so much, Spence!!"

But when I walked into the bar, I knew I had made a mistake. I felt it in my guts. The same intuition I never followed in my personal life, only on the field.

I quickly looked around as Ashley held on to my arm tightly and walked into the bar with a big smile. I soon found Prentiss and JJ talking at a table filled with empty glasses, and my heart jumped inside my chest at the warm, familiar feeling that my friends gave me. I missed JJ very much. And not just as a team member but as a friend who had been taken away from us. (Y/N) always said I didn't know how to deal with change, neither did she, and the shifts in the team always affected me.

Soon I saw Morgan too, talking with Anderson and some other agents. Garcia had to be close then, but I couldn't see her or (Y/N) anywhere around.

- "Come on! Let's get a drink!"- Ashley said and crawled me to the bar.

- "I don't drink and drive"- I said, and she pouted.

- "Come on! You are no fun! Just one!"

- "No, just water. Thanks,"- I turned and scanned the place. Everybody was there, and they seemed to be having fun. Penelope waved and walked to me suddenly. She cut me a short smile and grabbed my arm.

- "Hey, what the hell are you doing here?"

- "I didn't want to come, but Ashley insisted and…"

- "Hi!"- Ashley appeared by our side and handed me a bottle of water- "I'm so excited to be here! We really needed to decompress after everything that happened this week, right Garcia?"

Penelope stared at us, trying to formulate an answer. I could see her making her bet to say something, but she just didn't. Instead, she just turned around and walked away.

- "Is she ok?"- I didn't know how to answer that, ‘cos Penelope's reaction surprised me. Ashley just looked around and grabbed my arm again.

- "Come on, Spencer! Let's dance!"

- "No, I don't… dance, sorry."

Lucky for me, Prentiss showed up and invited us to sit with her at her table. I don't know if she noticed I was uncomfortable, but I was glad to see her. Being in that bar made me feel pretty awkward and exposed.

I had never been much of a party person. I wasn't used to bars and gatherings until I joined the BAU. When I first met Derek, he tried to take me out a few times and be my wingman. It's obvious he failed at that mission. Meeting people at a bar is the most complicated equation I could ever try to solve. It doesn't work for me, no matter how hard Derek pushed me to do it. He said I had to rely on what made me feel comfortable. But no. It wasn't that I couldn't meet people. It was that I didn't want to meet anyone once I met the woman of my dreams. Even when I knew she could never be mine.

When (Y/N) came along, she started hosting these fun "dinner parties" with Frank, Lu, and Mikey, which changed everything. It was the first time I was hanging out with people my age doing things I actually liked doing. It wasn't about drinking or picking girls in a bar. It was about playing Jenga, or charades, eating pizza, and talking about movies and sometimes even books.

(Y/N) said her friends considered me part of the gang, which was all I ever wanted to hear. That I belonged. It's kind of sad when you think about it, but I don't care. I had never felt like I belonged anywhere, and they made me feel like I was one of them. They took me to their rock shows, and I jumped along with the crowd, knowing I wasn't an outcast there. I was with my friends.

You don't know how good that made me feel. And for years, they were my social comfort and cocoon. Then, when Rossi joined the BAU again, he started hosting fancy dinner parties at his house, and I got to hang out with the whole team without being at a bar, pushed to meet people. And it was so good. (Y/N) always said Rossi's arrival had a cohesive effect on us. Not because he brought us together, but the circumstances of his arrival and everything that happened that first year.

This team is no stranger to trauma, and that's a fact. I think Rossi's dinner parties gave us a space to be ourselves, relax, have a few drinks and enjoy our time together. I think that's when we stepped from being friends to be family.

And I hadn't had one before.

I hugged JJ tight as soon as I saw her smiling at me. I hadn't seen her ever since her goodbye party, over two months before, but we had talked on the phone a few times.

- "I've missed you so much, Spence!!"- she said and held my face with both hands- "You and (Y/N) owe me two babysit nights,"- and I laughed, thinking we promised we'd take care of Henry so she and Will could have a date, but we were called for a case.

- "Wait! It was one night!"- I argued, chuckling- "Why is it two nights now?"

- "‘Cos I lost a very exclusive reservation due to the two of you."

- "Technically, it wasn't our fault, we were called in for a case..."

I smiled and sat next to JJ, and Prentiss sat next to me. Ashley stood by the table and smiled at JJ. Right, they didn't even know each other.

- "It's very nice to meet you, Agent Jareau. The team talks very highly of you,"- she shook JJ's hand and smiled.

- "Ashley, right? Prentiss was just telling me you will be taking your remedial training at the BAU. Congratulations, it's a fantastic team to work with."

- "Thank you,"- I took a look around, still trying to find my best friend around. But it seemed useless, and I was starting to feel worried.

- "Where's (Y/N)?"- I had to ask.

- "She was with Anderson a minute ago,"- Penelope said and looked around- "I am going to look for her and bring her here in a second. I'll be right back."

And so, she was gone.

Prentiss and I pretty much interrogated JJ about her new job and the new team she worked with at the pentagon. I sipped my water and half-listened her answer, ‘cos most of my head was trying to register what was going on around me. No, actually, I was trying to find (Y/N). Penelope had been gone for half an hour looking for her, and I was starting to think something weird was going on. Besides, my head was killing me, and all I wanted was to go home. But I hadn't seen JJ in weeks, and I couldn't waste a chance like that.

Ashley talked with Prentiss too, and every once in a while, she tried to engage in conversation with me. But to be honest, I couldn't really concentrate on anything. I just wanted to know (Y/N) was alright.

- "Excuse me,"- I stood up slowly and looked at my friends- "I'm going to the bathroom, be right back."

- "Can you get us another round on our way back?"- Prentiss asked and smiled guiltily.

- "Sure."

- "Do you need help?"- Ashley tried to stand up, but Emily stopped her.

- "He got it, don't worry."

So I was left on my own. I walked around the bar. In my mind, I kept telling myself I was "looking for the bathroom," but I knew very well I was indeed trying to find (Y/N). I had been in that bar for an hour, and I still hadn't seen her. I was worried.

I walked around the bar and found Anderson. He seemed to be a little shocked to see me there but smiled and hugged me. It was weird hugging people, still. But Anderson was part of the team. It always felt like it. We had known each other for years, and somehow it was like he was in the background of our daily basics.

- "Have you seen (Y/N)?"- I asked him, and he widened his eyes- "What?"

- "Yeah, she's right there, actually… "- Grant Anderson pointed and turned around- "Later, Reid."

- "Bye"- I didn't even look at him. I just turned and looked around to see (Y/N).

But my best friend didn't notice me. She was too busy kissing some guy.

I stood in front of her, not knowing what to do. Her eyes were closed, and her arms were around his neck, so clearly, she wasn't in distress, and no matter how badly I wanted to take her from him, I just couldn't.

For a minute, I couldn't believe my eyes. I just stood there and stared at (Y/N), trying to understand what was going on. I always knew she wasn't meant to be mine, but I had never gotten such a brutal reminder. Not even when she was dating Paul. Watching her kissing someone else was shocking. The way that man put his hands on her waist and held her close to him, just like I always dreamt of doing, was painful.

Painful. That was the only word I can explain how it felt.

I stood there for a minute or so. I really don't know how long it was, but it felt long enough to burn in my memory everything I needed to torture myself with for the rest of my life. I stepped back after a minute. It might have been longer; I really can't recall. And all I managed to do was to walk out of the bar and reach my car.

I opened the door and slammed it as I sat behind the wheel. I wanted to cry and yell. But I didn't do either of those. Instead, I stayed still, staring at the nothing in front of me, trying to erase that fresh memory from my head. But it was impossible. (Y/N) was making out with some guy inside that bar, and there was nothing I could do to stop her. So I did the only thing I could do at that minute. I started the car and got the fuck out of there.

–

DIWK Taglist:

@all-tings-diego @big-galaxy-chaos @muffin-cup @shilohpug @eternalharry @tvandfanfic @fandomtrash2405

Spencer taglist

@calm-and-doctor

General Taglist

@spenxerslut @ash19871962 @babebenhardy @meowiemari @archer561

–

Do you want to be on the taglist or ramble about this chapter with me? Just send me a message here.

Next update: June 23th, 2021

[alfredolover119]

I looooove your zukka rec lists! I recently became Avatar-obsessed, never got a chance to watch it as a kid and only just got through it all! I was wondering if you'd consider doing a specifically angst rec list? I love fluffy zukka everything, but sometimes you just gotta have your heart ripped out of your chest and put back in after being thoroughly blended.

thank you! i relate heavily to “recently became Avatar-obsessed” haha. as for the angst list, i sure can try! warning: all of these have happy endings because im a crybaby who can’t read unhappy endings. also, p much all of the fics in the completed section were featured on my other lists but this is specifically the ANGSTY ones >:^)

angsty zukka wips

first, most obviously, feels like we only go backwards by @oldpotatoe

-currently at 102k with 19/27 chapters posted; rated teen

-the amnesia fic. the amnesia fic. the amnesia fic. you know. i haven’t actually read it yet because, as previously mentioned, i’m a crybaby and am waiting for it to finish up but, from my understanding, this fic will murder you in a dark alleyway with no remorse. if u like zukka angst, you’ve probably already read this, but just in case!

An injury leaves Sokka with amnesia. His last memory is of the failed invasion, of leaving his father behind in enemy territory on the Day of Black Sun. Of hopelessness. Rage. // But then he wakes up, and the war is over. Suddenly, he must come to terms with the fact that years have passed, and that he's somehow the Southern Water Tribe Ambassador to the Fire Nation. He is also supposedly friends with banished-Prince-turned-Fire-Lord Zuko, of all people. Close friends.

Yeah, nah.

and i’ll do anything you say (if you say it with your hands) by @goldrushzukka

-currently 38k with 6/8 chapters posted; rated mature

-holy shit. holy SHIT. modern au based on the “my cat likes my fuckbuddy and i am falling in love” trope(?). maybe it’s just because of how the last chapter ended, but oh my god. this one made me cry. made me want to commit violence. when it’s not angsty as hell, it’s pretty funny, but holy shit. ao3 user nebulastucky please.

It’s supposed to be a one night stand. Pick up some guy at a bar, barely remember his name and never learn anything real about him, send him packing in the morning with a thanks for the ride and a cup of coffee to-go. That’s how it’s supposed to go. // But then it’s the best sex Sokka has ever had, and he thinks he’ll hate himself if he never gets to have it again.

Violet Blossoms and Celestial Objects by @hollypunkers

-currently 15k with 2/? posted. rated teen.

-this is the sequel to blue (an angsty, zukka rewrite of book 2-- go read it if u havent!)! !! this is a book 3 rewrite. only two chapters in and mrs hollypunkers is really abusing the miscommunication tag, as zukka writers seem to enjoy doing. im excited to see how the world and story develops with the changes to the story! you should be too!! its very good! obviously spoilers for blue lmao

Having sided with the Avatar in Ba Sing Se, Zuko not only must navigate his new relationship with Sokka but returning to the Fire Nation as a banished enemy. His own journey of self discovery and personal growth must now coexist alongside the personal struggles of every other member of the Gaang as together they blaze a treacherous path toward an unsure victory against Zuko's own father and nation.

breakable heaven by @fruitysokka

-currently 71k with 9/11 chapters posted. rated teen

-swt ambassador zuko! soon to be chief sokka! fake dating ur best friend to get out of an arranged marriage! what could go wrong!!! i also haven’t read this one ((see: i’m a crybaby who is being hurt by too many zukka wips already)), but it has been hanging out in my marked for later for months. from what i understand, this fic has: angst.

With his twenty-first birthday looming just around the corner, the Southern Water Tribe Elders have decided that Sokka, next in line to be Chief, needs to get married. Sokka does not want that, but he does need to get them off his back until he can figure his way out of it. What better way to do that than to pretend to date his best friend (and newly minted Ambassador to the Southern Water Tribe) Zuko? // Seriously, this is a foolproof plan. Maybe one of Sokka's best. Absolutely nothing can go wrong.

angsty zukka fics (completed!)

(i’ll put these in wc order)

lighthouse beam by @incorrectzukka

-7k, rated g

-a modern college au!! zuko’s inner-monologue is very angsty in this fic. typical zuko. also per usual, theyre both fucking dorks. they sort themselves out in the end, but not before The Angst. zuko is semi-deaf in this fic and also he has a bit of internalized homophobia.

Sokka’s breathtakingly beautiful and he’s smart and makes other people laugh. Zuko has a half-burnt face and a deaf ear. It’s not rocket science. // Or, Zuko falls in love with the boy in his Philosophy class.

This Isn’t My Idea of Fun by @khaleeseas

-9k, explicit

-moon spirit/nwt prince!sokka, no war to be found here! admittedly this isnt THAT angsty but like. the angst IS present. zuko is still the prince. a lovely childhood friends (though they hated each other for a minute haha) to lovers story. 

If you asked Zuko, he and Azula saw far too much of Chief Hakoda of the Northern Water Tribe’s children growing up. It wasn’t until they were older, and Azula pointed out that - duh - their families were trying to set them all up, that he realized why. // He was told by his mother to be polite. These people were their friends and allies, and though their nations were as different as they came, harmony between nations was the most important thing. // It wasn’t his fault the Chief’s children were so annoying.

put your lips close to mine (as long as they don’t touch) by @celestialceci

-9k, teen

-modern au! zuko and sokka are college roommates. zuko goes to spend the summer with sokka. again,, not really that angsty but-- its there!! the detail and feeling of Home in this story make me happy. zuko is insecure as hell here too. if ur into that. 

Zuko hates his home. He likes college alright, but he likes Sokka even better, his assigned roommate turned best friend. Spending the summer with Sokka will be fun, a welcome change of pace he desperately wants. It probably won't awaken anything in him... right?

the thing about dancing by anodymalion

-9k, teen

-yes. this one right here officer. it makes my heart ache. also trans sokka! which is cool. but the zuko angst in this one. hurts me. not so much relationship angst as it is zuko learning he deserves happiness angst. i’m sure u know The Type.

The first time a attendant spills Zuko’s tea and doesn’t immediately fall to her knees, begging the Fire Lord’s forgiveness, it is not anger but a resounding warmth that fills his chest.

i could (never) give you peace by @zukkababey

-10k, mature

-OUCH. OUCH OUCH OUCH. boys please learn to communicate im begging u. also zuko.. zuko, dude. as the tags of the fic say, hes “really going through it” in this one. YOUCH. post-canon.

Zuko almost said it. He almost said the words I think I’m in love with you, but he choked them back down at the last second. // Zuko would never be able to be what Sokka wanted. They might have needed each other during the summer, when two boys with too much weight on their shoulders found comfort in each other in the only way they knew how. // But now Zuko was Fire Lord, and Sokka was leaving.

this love burns so yellow (becoming orange and in its time, exploding) by @meliebee 

-18k, teen, major character death 

-i lied. THIS is the one, officer. found family.. good mai and zuko and toph friendships.. . ozai escapes prison and tries to overthrow zuko. OBVIOUSLY angst ensues. poor boy. he Does heal in this but it gets worse before it gets better. angst angst angst angst.

Ten months after Zuko is crowned at seventeen, he faces his first coup.

Anything for You by beersforqueers

-23k, explicit

-istg. this is probably one of my favorite zukka fics. its PAINFUL. modern au where theyre broken up but sokka hasnt told his family yet so zuko goes home with him for kataang wedding. a bit smutty, but the plot oh my god ohgm y fuvk. made me cry the first time i read it. (see: crybaby!me) insert that one picture of the horse with the caption PAIN. 

In which Sokka and Zuko have broken up but Sokka hasn't told his family yet. So when Katara and Aang's wedding weekend rolls around and he doesn't want to break Gran-Gran's heart, he asks Zuko to pretend to be his boyfriend for one last weekend. // Things don't go as planned.

Moving Mountains by @thefangirlingdead

-64k, mature

-so. when i read this the first time it was in one sitting. soulmate au set within canon era / the comics, to an extent. soulmates can hear each others thoughts. i will happily say this is slowburn, jesus christ. champagne without the cham. 

Soulmates are chosen by the spirits and can hear each other’s thoughts. Sokka thinks it’s cheesy and dumb. Zuko thinks it’s poetic justice that he doesn’t have one because he doesn’t deserve it. Cruel irony is finding out that the prince of the Fire Nation (and the person currently hunting you) is your soulmate.

In the Soft Light by @voidcenturyscholar and @romancedawning

-83k, teen, graphic depictions of violence

-moon spirit!sokka living in the northern water tribe. zuko is sent to the northern water tribe as a cultural liaison. iroh is the fire lord but while he is away taking care of lu ten after his injury ozai steps up. i cannot express how many emotions this fic made me feel. background yuetara. i would almost say found family?? but. anyway. plenty of angst to spare here with a healthy dose of enemies to friends to lovers.

As the newly appointed cultural liaison to Northern Water Tribe, Zuko is the first Fire Nation Citizen to step foot inside the city's walls in nearly a century. He's determined to prove himself—to the Fire Lord and to his father—even if the Water Tribe's spirit-touched prince seems to want nothing to do with him.

That Midnight Sky by @zukkababey

-103k, teen

-now now now. tms... modern college au where sokka agrees to tutor zuko in physics because zuko has to maintain straight a’s and physics is just not doing it for him. so. thats cool but THEN azula moves in, randomly, with zuko. to hide the fact that sokka is tutoring zuko, they fake date! what could go wrong!! the mutual pining in here combined with the angst... wonderful, tasty. everyone read it rn. also SLOWBURN 

In Zuko’s strict family, needing a tutor is just about the worst thing you could do. Failing a class, however, is even worse. The only rational solution? Take up Aang on his offer to find him a physics tutor and have Sokka—beautiful, smart, handsome Sokka—tutor him in secret. // When Azula’s arrival threatens to reveal Zuko’s secret, it’s up to Sokka to convince her this definitely isn’t what it looks like. See, he’s actually… Zuko’s… boyfriend? // Hmm. There’s no way this could get complicated, right?

[simpingforthisonedeer]

Chapter 11: Sons & Daughters

SFW version here

Summary:  Holly is involving herself in things she shouldn't be, like telling the Wizard King he is doing necromancy. Aika plays matchmaker and then has tea with Lord Silva. The Captain of the Royal Guards "greets" Aika and the faceless assassin from the final battle returns. 6563 words

Notes: Heyo folks! Im back 😎 I stopped waiting for the Spade arc to finish so I’m posting now. It’s gonna be really fun from here on out cus we’re slowly easing into the plot so I can’t wait😋

Tagging: @ckjwnnbc​ @thoughtfullyrainynightmare @lyranova​ @elysianluv​

“Good Morning, Julius!” She chirped from where she was seated on her mother’s lap, completely unaware of tension.

A smile lit up his face. He was truly happy to see her again. He faintly wondered if he would get an opportunity to ask about her magic.

"Good morning, Holly! How wonderful to see you again! Are you here to spend the day with your mother?"

"No, I'm about to go to the CLK headquarters to go see Uncle Fueggy, and Leo!" He raised a brow at the name. Uncle Fueggy?

"Good morning, Julius," Aika greeted as casually as she could as her arms tightened around Holly.

His face softened when he looked up at her. She felt her face heat up under his gaze. It always seemed like he was looking through her.

"Good morning, Aika." His low voice raised goosebumps on the nape of her neck. "I just wanted to inform you that I will be touring the bases and will hold a conference with the Captains. I was wondering if you would like to accompany me? It would be a simple way to come out of the shadows as well, now that your amulet is gone," he explained, his voice the epitome of neutral.

She ushered Holly off of her lap and stood up as she clasped her cloak pin, slight regret crossing her face,

"I’m sorry, Julius. I have to go settle a territorial dispute between the city-states Roma and Amor." While it wasn't necessary to provide details, her Uncle recommended that she tell him minor details of her company to encourage Julius to trust her more about his own work.

She had only noticed after Master Raymond pointed it out but Julius may tend to seem casual and open but that was just part of his charm. He asked a lot of questions but rarely ever revealed any details about himself but most people don't notice it because he was so charismatic.

"What does that territorial dispute have to do with you?" Holly grumbled as she crossed her arms. She wanted her mom to come visit Fuegoleon instead. It’s a big achievement becoming captain! It’s like becoming a general.

Aika layed a gloved hand on her head as a small smile crept up her face.

"My company owns a big part of the land they're fighting over so it's a matter of who I will be paying the taxes to." Holly was always very aware of her mother's work and it was all so fascinating. She was glad she explained this stuff to her in a way she could understand. She hated not knowing things.

Aika looked up and addressed Julius again who was listening in interest.

"Then, I would have to have tea with Lord Silva, and hopefully finish that before I have to go introduce myself again to the Royal Guard who take lessons from me once a week. They don't remember me because of the amulet I used to have."

"Oh! I've heard about some faceless teacher giving lessons to the Royal Guard from Master Raymond." Julius touched his chin thoughtfully. "He told me it was you...It was the amulet you were wearing right? Would they even remember your lessons if they couldn't remember your face?"

"Yes, and of course. They only don't remember the identity of their teacher." She tilted her head when she noticed the time. "I must be going now," she announced as she pulled out her communicator. “I will talk to you more when I return.” Aika brought the device up to her mouth. "Ellie, to Roma please." A portal opened up next to her. "I'll see you later, Julius. And Holly," she gave her a stern look. "Behave yourself. Don't bother Fuegoleon too much, okay?” She sighed. It was his first day as Captain but he permitted Holly to come visit him anyway. She worries how much he showed favoritism towards Holly. “And no mischief,” she added.

Holly nodded somberly, suppressing a grin. It was perfect that Julius had walked in when he did. While it wasn't necessarily mischief, she needed to inform him of something that may be considered a bother in her mom's books. She may not exactly like him yet, but this was important. It was her very first, very real mission.

"Yes, mom. I love you!" She blushed when her mom gave her one of her infamous headpats. "Be safe!"

Aika smiled down at her daughter. "Of course." She nodded at Julius who winked at her in response. She blushed as she shook her head and ported away. 

"Julius?" Holly called seriously, her face turned away from him. He briefly feared that that wink may have been too much in front of her.

"Yes, Holly?"

"Are you going to the Crimson Lions Headquarters first?"

He raised a brow.

"Yes. How did you know that?"

She turned around with a mischievous grin.

"It's the closest base to the capital, so logically you would go there first."

"Wow!" He didn't expect deductive reasoning from a 10-year-old.

She smiled proudly.

"So, could I come with you? I'm going there too and I want to tell you something."

That piqued his curiosity. She had something to tell him?

"That mark you and mom are wearing on your forehead." She tapped her forehead. "Do you know what that is?"

Julius stilled at her words. Should he even be talking about this?

"It's a mark from a magic item," he answered cautiously.

"Yeah, I overheard. But do you know what the rune actually means or represents?"

"Er, no?" Where was she going with this?

"Well, the Nordic runes, the Hebrew alphabet and the Star of David are derived from the six-rayed star."

He quirked his brow again. He never knew that and it was fascinating information that he could delve into. But why did she sound so serious?

"The top part of the Tree of Life, also known as the Tree of Sephiroth or Sephirah is also derived from the same rune."

Julius's eyes widened. The elves who used to live near Hage worshipped the emanations in the Tree of Sephirah. Was the Swallowtail their relic? But the first Wizard King had a log of how he invented it so was it inspired by the elves?

"Any magic related to the Sephirah is life magic, used in resurrection, necromancy, reincarnation etcetera etcetera. It's forbidden magic."

Chills swept through him. Oh. Now that she put it that way, that was exactly what he was doing wasn't he? He reasoned that it was so that he could revive himself but that was technically necromancy, wasn't it?

"Mana and life essence are one and the same and you are storing your mana in it right? So that means you are storing your life energy," Holly narrowed her eyes at him in suspicion. "And also, there are elves in other countries who might find it a great offence that you are wearing Sephira's mark, especially when you don't worship it." She looked pointedly at the cross he wore.

"How do you know all of this?" He asked as he mirrored her suspicious gaze.

"My mom's old teacher, who is now my teacher, is an elf and a High Priest of Sephirah. He told me. He knows a lot about the divinity part of forbidden magic. And in order to learn about the light, you need to know the dark so yeah, he knows about all of this." She walked past him towards the door leading to his office. "But please don't tell my mom I know because she doesn't want me learning about the darker parts of forbidden magic yet."

He followed Holly into his office, thinking about how surreal this all was. A ten-year-old was just casually telling him off about necromancy and religion.

"Then why are you telling me this?"

"Because the Triad in the Spade kingdom and their Devils would target this kingdom more aggressively if they knew that someone was bearing the mark that represented the antithe—" She wrestled with the word. "Antithesis to them." She raised her arms defensively. "I'm just telling you what my teacher told me." He was a prophet for Sephirah. Someone who had also achieved Enlightenment, which granted him the ability to bear the Image of God, Imago Dei, and not go blind or insane. He and the other Enlightened Ones would receive direct orders or visions from God that they must carry out. He told her that she needed to tell Julius Novachrono that he must be wary of the mark on his head. When she asked him why, he told her it was more for her sake than him but the message must be relayed nevertheless.

His words worried Holly because did that mean she must be wary of the mark too? She worshipped the sun gods which were emanations of The God so they will be merciful towards her if she made a mistake. Right? Holly wasn’t so sure.

After all, there was no law dictating that God must be fair.

Julius stared long and hard at her. That was very heavy information for a child to bear. And how did her teacher know all that information about the Spade Kingdom? Why did he want to relay it to him? He needed to think on this because there is a very real threat from Spade that could kill him and if he had no way to come back, who was going to protect Clover Kingdom? He needed to keep the mark.

"Alright." He said simply. He would think about this later. "Who's Uncle Fueggy?" He asked with a bright smile, changing the topic. A child shouldn't dwell on such things. 

Holly blushed at that question, ignoring the bizarre way his mood quickly switched up for now.

"Fuegoleon played with me a lot when I was a kid so it's a habit," she explained sheepishly.

"Oh, is your family close to the Vermillions?"

"Well—" Her mom did not want her to tell anyone about her and Mereoleona unless she said so, so she couldn't say anything. "You have to ask my mom about that."

"I see..." Julius did remember the tense looks former Captain Leonardo and Aika shared. There seemed to be some history. Well, he could ask Fuegoleon himself when he goes to their base. If Holly wanted to accompany him, he doesn’t see a reason why she shouldn’t. 

He proffered his elbow to her with a dashing smile. "Shall we go?"

Aika landed unsteadily on the study floor as she tossed her cloak and folders on the desk. Ellie followed behind her, eyes blank and wide as she just tried to process what she just witnessed.

"Are they going to be fine...?" She asked, pointing shakily at the shrinking portal behind her.

Aika leaned on her desk as she pinched the bridge of her nose, staving off an oncoming headache.

"Of course they're going to be fine. The two kings are in love with each other despite how much they fight."

"What?!”

“Yes. It is obvious to most of the officials in the room, myself included.”

“I—” Ellie sputtered in shock as Aika continued.

“Usually, I don’t play cupid but in a show of unity they were trying to impose both their taxes on me and I can’t have that. Our branch on the disputed land is a small one and it would go bankrupt if they did that. So I did the next best thing. I paid the wait staff and guards off so that they would direct the two kings to the same private lounge when they adjourned for recess and lock them for the entirety of the break.”

Ellie gaped at Aika and her crazy idea.

“They’ll either talk it out or kiss and make up.”

“...But how would that help us?”

“This plan could only work because I have a good rapport with both the kings. I proposed a plan where they could split the money from one single tax evenly between themselves. If they talked it out calmly and away from prying eyes, they would go with my plan. If they kissed and made up, their first compromise together as partners would be to go with my plan as well because they are both favorable towards me. They were only being unfair because of the tension between each other, not with me.” It was guaranteed that it would go either way. She didn’t play fair and not use her Time Magic with her own company. She could see what choices she could make that could lead to a favorable outcome for her and her company. 

She knew what investments to make, where to take risks and where to back down, but only if she could think up various solutions to her problems. If she couldn’t think of any plan, then her foresight would offer her nothing. 

She could only see if the plan that she thought up works or not but her foresight couldn’t offer her a plan itself because there technically would be thousands, if not millions, of ways any situation could play out. If she had visions of all of them at once, with the information overload, she would be dead instantly. She has to come up with a plan herself and confirm its success. It was better that way because it kept her sharp.

“What if the—er, tension between the two escalated to a physical fight?”

 Aika plopped down in her armchair with a sigh. She had thought of that as well but she didn’t need to worry about that.

“Even if they did have a fist fight, I’m not worried because those two would not go to war over personal vendettas. I think it would relieve some stress between them actually. In the end, they will calm down and end up compromising on my idea. So either way, whatever manifests in that room, hate or love, I’ve no doubt they will be coming out of it a little bruised,” she smirked as she crossed her legs.

Ellie let out a laugh at her boss’s suggestive look. Aika was relieved she could reassure her. She tended to worry too much about such things. Evan, Jayce and Ellie do not know that she used Time Magic. So they sometimes wondered how she was so sure about her decisions. After years of wondering, they just chalked it up to forbidden magic.

"Ready for round two?" She asked, referring to the tea they were about to have with Lord Silva. Ellie hummed affirmatively as she shook her head in amusement.

"I have only been as far as the gates to the Silva Mansion. Is that alright, ma'am?"

"Yes, Ellie. That is perfect." They quickly freshened up and stepped into the portal and the grand gates of a white, picturesque mansion came into view. With it's steeples, domes, and solid, white brick walls, it would be more appropriate to call it a castle. Daunting gates made of black metal framed tastefully by green vines slowly swung open when their feet touched the cobblestone.

Aika and Ellie shared a cautious look and took the first step forward together.

When they reached the burnt, spruce wood doors, Aika stared at the tacky gold eagle door knockers in exasperation. Ellie reached for them without a second thought and knocked twice, the loud noise startling Aika. The spatial mage looked at her apologetically as the doors seemingly opened by themselves to reveal the Lord of the house standing in the middle of the foyer, his back ramrod straight, hands linked behind him as an ever-present scowl eased into a bored expression in some resemblance of courtesy.

"Welcome to my home, Madam Tolliver and..." His gaze landed on Ellie. "And uninvited guest," he sneered as he took in her appearance. It was obvious that she was a commoner and even worse, a foreigner. Her big, red eyes, soft nose, and plump lips all encompassed by skin as dark as the sea stood in direct contrast to his features. The only trait they seemed to share was the snow white hair that seemed to shine with an otherworldly glow.

Aika cleared her throat when Ellie's brows furrowed to glare back at the older man.

"I hope you don't mind my maid accompanying me. She's a close associate of mine that assists me in anything I need."

Lord Silva's eyes snapped back to hers as he pursed his lips.

"She may wait in the gardens. The matters we are going to discuss are rather... delicate."

Aika turned to her and nodded permissively. There was no reason for her to stay. She could simply go back to the headquarters but the more area a spatial mage covers, the more places they could travel to, and the more valuable they would be. It would be...advantageous for her to be able to travel directly onto the Silva property if she needed to for any reason.

A servant led Ellie away while Lord Silva motioned her to follow him. She side-eyed the paintings she passed by, but one in particular made her pause mid-step. It was undoubtedly the painting of Acier Silva. It was gigantic as if to immortalize every detail on her beautiful face and the frame was grand and ornate. Lord Silva stood stock still next to her, looking up at his former wife with eyes full of utter adoration and heartache.

Aika looked away, allowing him to have his moment.

When she noticed his feet move away, she followed him, putting that little moment of vulnerability behind them.

He led her to a well-lit sitting room with big windows and a view to the gardens that was breathtaking in the afternoon sun. 

Aika faintly wondered how Holly was doing.

Another servant poured them tea and quickly left the room, leaving them in tense silence. She looked out into the garden, clearing her mind and bringing the tea to a much more lukewarm temperature with her magic.

"I apologize for my behaviour on that day," Lord Silva said evenly. She turned to him with slightly raised brows as if she had just noticed his presence. "Whether it was wanted or not, you saved me and I should be grateful to you for that."

"Should be," meaning he wasn't.

Aika looked pensively into her cup.

"Tell me, sir," She peered up at him through her lashes. "How many children do you have?"

He stared at her for a moment, lips parted, before he finally answered,

"Four."

"Have any of them struck your mind before the earth struck you?"

"Excuse me?"

She took a sip.

"I'm sure you need no repeating."

"How dare you ask me such a personal thing?!"

Lord Silva's voice raised several notches, immediately setting Aika on the edge but she restrained her tone and body language.

She quietly stared at him straight in his eyes and he scowled back, refusing to back down for a minute. When he realized she wasn't either, he wrenched his gaze away with a derisive scoff.

"You still haven't answered my question. I'm sure that's not very polite in Clover society," she added lightly. He huffed as a sneer crawled up his face.

"Neither is asking such questions."

"Think of it as payment for saving your life."

"The debt can only be fulfilled when I save you in return."

"You will never save me." Lord Silva's gaze snapped up to her's with a jolt. Blank eyes were downcast at her cup as her left cheek twitched in annoyance.

It seemed like she slipped up once more. It has been happening a lot recently. What was wrong with her?

"What?"

"I meant that you would not have an opportunity to save me." She cleared her throat. "Answer the question for me at least, as your saviour and as a mother."

He was taken aback by that.

"You are a mother?" He asked incredulously.

Aika smiled internally. Information must always be timed perfectly. She had used the truth to both change the subject and reveal a detail about her in a show of false vulnerability that would no doubt encourage him to open up a bit more.

"I am." She smiled lightly. "I have a daughter. Nearly ten."

"So do I..." Lord Silva's shoulders relaxed slightly. He wrapped his hands around the cup comfortingly as he sighed. He caved under her persistence and answered,

"No, I haven't. I haven't thought of them at all."

Aika let the silence envelop them for a moment.

“If you abandoned your children and died, how do you think Lady Acier is going to react?"

He stared at her in shock. How dare she be so casual with him?

"Whether you go to the Underworld or the After, it would be hell either way. If the father of my child died to follow me into the After, leaving our daughter, believe me, I would raise hell."

He looked away pensively when her words struck him.

“I suppose you’re right...”

And with that, Aika was done with what she came for.  She gave him something to think about and hopefully it would snowball into something better for him.

She stood up as she set her cup down.

“I’m glad we agree. I don’t believe there is much to discuss.” She clasped her hands in front of her. “I pray that your retirement is as peaceful as today’s afternoon.

“We are not done yet.”

Aika looked up with a raised brow.

“Your Uncle.” she twitched at the mention. Silva senior smirked at her as she sat down in interest.

He knew.

“Yes, Raymond told me you were his niece. He also told me about your company.”

She picked her cup up with a sigh.

“You two fooled the rest of the world into thinking that you were enemies.” She took a sip. “It seems like that is not the case.”

“We were rivals, but we are also comrades,” he retorted defensively. “But back to the point. He told me about your company, Eidolon.”

She tensed at the name. It was very rare to hear the name of her company. It was both a secret and not. It was vast and well-known but it was strange hearing a Clover citizen discuss it.

“He told me that he was allowed to recommend one person if he wished, to work for your company,” he conjured a sheet of water that materialised into a thick binder of papers. “And he recommended me to your company.” He placed it on the table in front of her. “This was the paperwork and possible contracts I could sign that he gave to me. I have no plans to sit around during my retirement. I want to join the dungeon raiders.”

Aika threw a perplexed look between the papers and the man who stared intently at her for her response.

She opened her mouth open, and snapped it shut when nothing came out. She was at loss for words.

When she asked her Uncle to maybe recommend someone in the future, she meant someone young, adaptable and full of potential. Not a recently retired Magic Knight Captain who is well known to be classist and most likely racist, and too old to learn anything new like a language or a culture.

She was so close to blurting out a rejection but she stilled her tongue. She threw up a polite smile and pretended to sift through the papers in interest.

“I will...consider it,” she finally answered tightly. Silva Senior seemed to be oblivious to her annoyance as he clapped his hands together.

“Well, that’s settled then!” He stood up with her and led her to the door with a wave of his arm.

Aika pursed her lips as he allowed her to pass him. He threw a cold look at her back. He didn’t want to spend any more time in her presence than he had to. He was stubborn but he knew how to pick and choose his battles.

“I must go pick up my maid,” she informed him as they walked in long strides, both eager to relieve themselves of each other’s company.

“Ah, yes of course. I shall show you around the gardens on the way if you don’t mind.” He really didn’t have to but he was just playing the role of a polite lord. And he played it well too. Any sign that they had a heart-to-heart was gone, replaced with brittle formality.

“Thank you, but I have another appointment and I must get to it soon.”

Aika must introduce herself to the Royal Guard, but this time, they will not forget her.

Ellie’s portal directly landed them on the training fields in Clover Castle. Aika adjusted the shoulder brace that clung to her crimson half-cloak that covered her left shoulder. Her longsword hung from her waist, ready to be drawn at a moment’s notice. She appreciated how time magic always helped her get ready quicker.

“And who might you be, porting into Clover Castle without permission?”

Aika looked up and a finger crystallizing with ice was pointed between her eyes, threatening to engulf her any second. She tilted her head to the side to stare at the owner of said finger.

It was the Captain of the Royal Guards, Sal. The rest of the guards were in various groups, exercising or sparring but they all paused to stare at her.

“Hello there, Captain,” she greeted. “You wouldn’t remember but I was the one helping you train your men and I came to reveal my face today.”

Sal raised a brow.

“Is that so?”

He brought his sword up and down in an axe cut where her exposed shoulder was at an unprecedented speed. But Aike blocked it with a dagger she reflexively drew from her forearm where it was strapped.

“Attacking without a warning,” she drawled. “How rude.”

Sal grinned at her.

“No real fight has a countdown.”

She pushed his sword away from her face as he slackened. She took this moment to tie her hair at the nape with a ribbon and drew her sword.

“I see that you wish to test me.”

“Well, Master Raymond did say something about forgetting someone before he left, but I didn’t forget the way they fought.” He rolled his shoulders as his smile fell away and a sharp glint in his eyes surfaced. “Would you mind a spar?”

Aika sighed heavily. Sal wasn’t the one for chit chat, always got to the point in an almost rude fashion. She will make this quick, just as he would prefer it.

“On your mark.”

He threw himself forward with his ice magic propelling his feet and clanged his sword against hers. While Aika pushed with her sword hand and shoulder, she wrapped her other hand around the hilt of his sword where he attached his hand to it with ice so it wouldn’t slip off and she crushed it so the ice encasing it broke.

Sal’s eyes went wide and with the element of surprise, she twisted the sword out of his slippery hand and threw it to the side, far from his reach. 

He launched himself upwards with a tall pillar of ice before she could attack him but she laid a hand on it and melted the pillar with her time magic and it instantaneously turned to water. She pretended she had water magic and this just helped solidify that lie.

When he dropped and rolled, Aika quickly moved to kick him to the side mid-roll but he grabbed her ankle and knee and tripped her onto her side. She threw her sword away as she fell and waited for Sal to come close. He tried to pick her up by the leg but she used the momentum to wrap her legs around his thick neck and she squeezed hard .

She rocked forward and backwards as he choked and he toppled face first but he braced himself with his arms. Aika used this opportunity to reach back and grab his ankles and wrenched them backwards so he couldn’t use his legs.

The leg lock around Sal’s neck slackened and so he inserted his hand between her calves and made a tube of ice that forced her legs apart, freeing him from the chokehold. Aika broke away from the ice clinging to her pants and shifted her hips to straddle his back and grabbed his arm and forced it behind him.

“Give up,” she finally said. Sal struggled in her grip and tried to use his musculature to overpower her strength but it was no use. Aika had always had an abnormal amount of physical strength.

He stopped struggling and tapped the ground twice with his free hand.

“I surrender!” His voice strained.

And just like that, she rolled off of his back and offered a hand to him. Sal took the proffered hand and stood up as he rolled his neck with a grimace.

“That grip was not expected at all. What do they even feed you?” He asked as he scratched his beard.

“Same thing as they feed you. I just don’t have a tendency to flex my muscles like you men,” she said lightly as she covered her smile with her hand. Sal was often funny when he wasn’t terrifying his guards to do their job right. Talking to him was always fun and she would be lying if she said she wasn’t happy that she finally got to talk to him as herself and not some faceless cryptid who whooped the guards asses once a week.

“No shit.” The gathered crowd moved closer to listen to the exchange. “You’re covered from head to toe like a nun!”

Aika let out a laugh.

“Far from it actually!”

He leaned in as if to tell her a secret but whispered loudly, “But I would be lying if I said anyone in this castle is a saint.” He thought for a moment. “Well, except maybe the new Wizard King. Met him earlier today. He was really nice and young. Didn’t seem to be ruffled by too much and was full of boundless energy like a puppy.”

Her mind couldn’t help but conjure up images and memories. A wide smile framed by little dimples that kept her distracted. The passionate way he discussed magic without an end. A soft, content look that he would give her when she added onto his rants.

Aika felt her ears burn up. This infatuation was too much. She was not a schoolgirl yet there she was blushing like one.

“Yes, he is like that a lot.”

“Oh, you know him personally?”

She sighed as she let a smile take over her.

“Something like that.”

“Oh.” Sal smirked. “I see.” He cleared his throat. “Well, Madam Tolliver, wasn’t it? My name is Sal, Captain Sal.” He offered a hand for her to shake. “But I’m sure you knew that.”

“I did, and you seem to know mine as well.”

“Master Raymond made sure to brief the entirety of the Castle staff on many things after the final battle.” She nodded in understanding. Sal motioned at the crowd of guards who were speaking in low voices.

“Well, do you have anything to teach or train us for today? We can catch up over drinks later.”

Aika crossed her arms and scanned her surroundings. She recognized some of the faces among the crowd and Evan and Jayce gave her a thumbs up when she spotted them. Ellie moved to lean on the castle wall where the shadows provided reprieve from the afternoon sun. Sal had a mischievous smile that only served to increase the dread among the guards. The rooms overlooking the training grounds were some libraries, conference rooms and some lounges for the Wizard King to use.

Aika took a deep breath. It was hard not being anonymous. She couldn’t just rely on people to forget the things she will say or do in the future now. She had to watch herself in the future or consequences will follow her.

“Last time, some of them mentioned wanting to practice offense and defense because we practiced intelligence gathering last time so I suppose that?”

She looked to Sal for approval.

“Yes, that sounds good. I’ll keep watch.”

He still had that smile on his face and she wasn’t sure why.

“Okay, everyone!” She raised her voice to catch people’s attention. “My name is Aika. You may call me Miss Aika. I was the teacher who had been training you all alongside Captain Sal when Master Raymond was still Wizard King.” The crowd began to murmur amongst themselves at her words. “That being said, we’re going to be practicing offense and defense today.”

Aika drew a circle around her with a sword, a meter wide, as Sal moved away to stand next to Ellie in the shade.

“Your task is very simple. You have to push me out of the circle in any way you see fit. All of you have to do this at the same time. But of course you can’t all crowd me at once because you might hurt your allies so this tests your teamwork too if you wish to work with other people.”

Someone raised their hand.

“Yes?”

“Will you be attacking us too?”

“I will attack if someone attacks me inside the circle but I will not initiate any offense yet. I will also be defending myself. Blocking, deflecting, and cutting down attacks. I may even send back one of your spells back towards you. You are all allowed to attack me however you please. But think of this exercise as a way to coordinate against one enemy so don’t all rush in at once.”

As Aika spoke, they all slowly moved to surround her at a good distance. She could see the gears shifting in their minds as a strategy formed in their heads. Unlike the Magic Knights, who can go on solo missions or in small teams, the Royal Guards must protect the castle as a one big team. These training exercises have been especially frequent the past few years because of the constant wars with Diamond and Spade kingdoms. And since King Augustus had been crowned, he had been especially insistent on everyone being able to protect him.

“I am ready when you are.”

They didn’t even give her a moment to breathe. Everyone on the front line shot their long-ranged spells at her. All the trajectories were different. Some were straight and some were arching over her so it was difficult to simply just jump and let them collide but she had no other option.

Aika jumped high and tried to make it seem natural when she weaved through the ones still in the air and took this moment to see where the next attack was coming from. Close-range fighters readied themselves to ambush her, no doubt going to use the smoke of the spells that exploded below her to their advantage. Her position is set in that little circle so there’s no uncertainty as to where she will be.

When she landed on her feet, amidst the dense smoke, three people leapt towards her, wielding various weapons. Her objective was not only to push them aside but to knock them out or else they will keep coming back. One woman with a spike-less morningstar swung at her but Aika subtly slowed down the force and when another attacker lunged at her back, she sidestepped and sped up his speed and he was smacked right in the shoulder by the woman. She froze in shock at how she accidentally injured her ally.

Aika’s circle was getting cramped so she kicked them both away and used the momentum to kick the next man right in the side of the neck. She studied enough anatomy during her college years to know that she kicked him perfectly in the vagus nerve and he was knocked out cold as his daggers slipped out of his hands.

The smoke dissipated as she rolled him out of the circle with her foot.

She tied her hair up tighter as she taunted,

“Who’s next?”

There was an immediate response.

Golems rose out of the ground, their bodies burning with the enchantments of different elements. She was briefly impressed with how quickly they infused the mana of multiple mages into them.

They all tried to swarm her but she finally drew her sword and swung in a wide arc. As they were all cut in half and the mana escaped, she drew it all to her.

Her head whipped towards a loud cheer that came somewhere from above. The distraction was dangerous but if she was being honest, she had nothing to worry about. What was the worst that could possibly happen?

Aika’s heart jumped when she saw Julius who was waving enthusiastically from a window. He must be using one of the conference rooms that was overlooking the training grounds. A familiar ginger headed man also leaned forward behind the Wizard King in confusion and was surprised to see her when he spotted her. Her heart warmed at the familiar face. It had been weeks since she had seen Fuegoleon and now he was Captain.

She waved at the both of them with her sword hand as she held the other hand up to hold the growing ball of mana. She should go congratulate him as well.

Just as she refocused her attention back to the fight on hand, a figure came lunging at her with a sword but she quickly blocked. Aika couldn’t help but feel surprised when she strained against his strength. She couldn’t see the entirety of the man’s face except for his growing grin. All her instincts seemed to awaken at once, screaming at her to move, but her skepticism and curiosity kept her still.

Then in a strange turn of events, he let the sword slip out of his hand and his other hand seemed to reach for her stomach, but curled into a tight fist and punched her right under her ribs.

For the first time in years, Aika went flying. She was slammed against the castle walls, creating a sizable crater. Her breath was knocked out of her and her head spun but a brief surge of rage quickly sobered her. She thrust her arm out as she whispered,

“Mana Zone: Mana Hands.”

A swarm of invisible hands materialized all around her and one of them quickly brought her sword to her as she picked herself off of the wall.

Aika took in the sight of her opponent who wielded enough strength to punch her that hard.

A young man whose hood covered half of his face, smirked at her as a slight young woman stood next him, wearing a familiar mask framed by flowing blonde hair that spilled out from either side of her, swaying in the wind as she held up a bow, ready to shoot.

Aika had to look twice as her eyes went wide. It seemed like a bizarre dream when the mask stared back at her. It was the same archer who broke her amulet.

Her hand curled around the hilt of her sword.

And they had some nerve coming back to face her head-on.

Notes: There's a fight scene the next chapter and we see Fuegoleon!! WOOO so I'm excited for that🥰 Also, yes, Sal already knew her because the previous Wizard King refreshed his memory in detail but he was just messing around with Aika LMAO

[inkribbon796]

My Favorite Human Ch. 2: I Want YOU in This Custody Fight

Summary: It’s not a date if you argue about the kids in front of the restaurant staff.

Chapters: 1, 2, 3

Chase tried to dress nice when he came to this building. It was one of the fancier restaurants under Dark’s control. He didn’t have a whole lot of nice suits but he did have a white button-up and a black vest. But that was as far as he got.

Dark never seemed to mind either way. After all this was strictly business. They’d talk about the twins, and then Chase would leave. The Entity would offer for Chase to order something from the menu, “on me”, and the marksman would always turn him down, even before he first glanced at the menu.

After he’d seen the menu he was determined to never order anything from this place because it was way too much for anything.

But the view . . . the view was amazing. The restaurant was situated by the river and so at night it looked amazing. Dark was always in a private business room, to make sure their conversations couldn’t be easily overheard by errant patrons.

As Chase walked up, sans superhero outfit or mask because he didn’t want his meetings with Dark getting on the news at all, a waiter led him right to Dark.

When Chase walked in he had his usual crisis, his feet stopping and a weight settling in his heart. Dark had his back to him as he looked out into the city.

Chase got his feet to work and he took his usual seat.

Dark sighed when Chase sat down, “I heard what happened.”

“Mori and Tempus think he’s better now, least he’s not runnin’[1] around naked in the woods anymore,” Chase reported. “I think Mem got most ‘a[2] it out ‘a[2] his system.”

Dark clicked his tongue. “I don’t know what’s gotten into him, at least the others don’t have to be watched so some random hiker wouldn’t get attacked.”

That got a chuckle out of Chase, settling a bit in his chair. “Really? I find that hard ta[3] believe.”

“Arthur was a bit of a handful but at least he could be contained to his books. He didn’t actively seek to become chaos itself.” Dark’s fingers drummed casually on his desk.

“Prolly[4] could have cut him off beforehand if I hadn’t been on patrol this mornin’[5],” Chase’s eyes tracked over as a waiter came in to bring some wine for Dark and a water for Chase, he was braced for a random attack. It was mostly out of habit — because of Clubs — but still trained all the same.

Dark’s aura circled around the rim of his wine glass. “Yes, Illinois commented the same.”

The Entity’s aura hummed as he thought, he twisted the base of glass with two fingers. “I was thinking that perhaps the problem is not that they need constant supervision, it’s merely that they’re bored and they do the first thing that comes to mind.”

“Not sure how I can help with that ta[3] be honest,” Chase admitted.

Dark paused to take an especially long sip of his wine. “It has occurred to me that perhaps if they spend a bit long thinking about the ideas they have that maybe they would make wiser decisions. They are very young spawnlings, and there is a certain impulse that such young demons only have when they have never been threatened and feel safe in a territory.”

“Really?” Chase smiled. “Yeh[6] were impulsive back in the day? Would’a[7] loved ta[3] see that.”

Looking away, Dark took another sip, “No, I made Egoton into what it is today so I would not have to waste my time finding a new territory every couple of decades.”

The smile didn’t fade from Chase’s face quite yet. “So yeh[6] got any plans fer[8] the twins, err, boys.”

At that mistake, the smile did drop and Chase was glaring out the window for a full second or two. “Yeh[6] got any plans fer[8] the boys?”

“A couple,” Dark mercifully ignored the slip up. “My first option was to just stick them with Illinois, he’s more than mentally equipped to corral chaotic spawnlings. But with the wedding coming up, I figured . . .”

Dark trailed off, waving his hand dismissively, “Best not to leave the responsibility with Illinois.”

Chase felt the urge to say something, but he didn’t even know what that something was, so he kept quiet. He preoccupied himself with wiping down the condensate from his glass.

“Tempus is fine on her own, but if I leave her to them, she’d only mildly protest at whatever they do and then record them, and Wil only seems to enable their destructive behavior,” Dark continued.

“Hmph, that’s Bubbles fer[8] yeh[6],” Chase dismissed coldly. “I think he might e’en be givin’ ‘em ideas.”[9]

“Oh, of that I have no doubt,” Dark agreed, “Tempus too, a couple of their more harebrained stunts have actually been her idea, despite Memento’s insistence that he’s the brains of their operation.”

That got a chuckle out of Chase.

“But that still leaves me with a problem, namely that apart from Illinois or myself there seems to be only one other person who can reason with them, or at least enough that they don’t get themselves into legal trouble. Their minor antics are fine, especially if they can confine it to the Manor, but running around the parks or beaches is getting them into trouble, and getting them noticed by demon hunters.”

“Yikes, didn’t know it was that bad yet,” Chase sat up a little straighter.

“It’s nothing that can’t be handled, but I was thinking, and Kay and Illinois posed the idea themselves, that you could help,” Dark proposed, his expression neutral and guarded. “Since you seem to be the only other person they listen to.”

Chase was quiet, the room was so quiet that he could dimly hear chatter from the other room. He wasn’t exactly sure where this conversation was going. “I’m tryin’ ta watch ‘em, but I still got patrols ta keep up with. I’ve got ta deal with random bullshite that the Duke or Anti cause in the city. I’m still part ‘a the Coalition.”[10]

“The heroes have more than enough people to deal with them,” Dark dismissed.

“Dark, I’ll keep doin’ e’erythin’ I can fer the boys, but I’m tryin’ ta stay on good behavior,”[11] Chase reminded him. “It’s bad enough they’re barely lettin’ me see my other kids, I don’t know what they’d do if I wasn’t bein’ a hero. It’s the only thin’ I got goin’ fer me.”[12]

Dark meant to be reassuring, that Chase was a natural parental figure underneath his poor mental health and self-incriminating bad choices. That they’d made a mistake when Chase was denied his children. But such words required a certain amount of emotional vulnerability from Dark, and the Entity could never allow himself to be vulnerable, even when it was desperately needed.

So the words that came out of his mouth were, “I could make sure there were no problems.”

Chase froze, staring at Dark in alarm. Normally his head and heart were at war. Between wanting to treat Dark like a dearly loved friend, and his head who reminded Chase that Dark was a dangerous, demonic mob boss. Someone who destroyed lives that didn’t suit him.

At this moment there was no discourse.

“What does that mean?” Chase’s tone was terse.

“I don’t see why anyone should have a problem with you seeing any of your children, Anti has not used you as a host in months. He has not targeted you in even longer. The correct people merely need . . . convincing.”

“No!” Chase snapped, surging up so he was away from the table. “Don’t! Just stop right there. Yer not gonna threaten or “convince” anyone. Stacy’s fine. She’s doin’ fine with ‘em. If yeh could get yer fookin’ claws outta Paddy that’d be e’en better.”[13]

“Your eldest has his own goals and if he wants to achieve it through my Network, I see no reason to stop him,” Dark dismissed. “He is an expert marksman who’s time and skill were being squandered on running around with other delinquents pretending to be gangsters. Crime and trouble would have found him if I hadn’t swept in and taken him.”

Chase made some ugly snort that carried his disbelief and offense.

“The four of them are already embroiled in the Network, it would certainly make things simpler,” Dark suggested, immediately doubling down on his point.

“Simpler?” Chase scoffed. “Fer who? I’m not gonna fookin’ sit on my arse until they do somethin’, it’s not like I’ve got anythin’ useful fer yer little crime organization.”[14]

Dark gave Chase a look.

Chase just stared at the Entity in alarm, “No.”

“You denying the very nature of your magic and soul doesn’t make it any less true,” Dark commented, metaphorically shoving his foot right into his mouth.

“No,” Chase repeated a little more firmly. “Fook[15] off.”

“The heroes have had a top marksman for years and yet you are sidelined constantly,” Dark commented. “Even if you’re not killing in my Network your skills would be more useful. You don’t even have to be in the room to do the job.”

“So that’s what this is?” Chase spat. “I’m just some asset fer yeh ta buy?”[16]

In the absence of anything that wasn’t an emotionally charged response, Dark fell silent.

Chase threw his hands up, so angry that there was a very furious grin where teeth ground together, “No. We’ll keep the system we got, it’s workin’[17] just fine.”

The marksman was boiling with rage and it didn’t help that Dark wasn’t confirming or denying it.

“Enjoy yer[18] overpriced steak, Dark, I’m goin’[19] home,” Chase decided, alright turning.

Dark stayed quiet, and when Chase looked back at him he let out a groan of annoyance and stormed off and out of the building.

The Entity didn’t stop him, he was too busy tending to his blue soul who was trying to follow Chase but was stopped because Dark was staying in his seat.

“He’s angry,” Damien commented in their shared headspace, his fragmented soul full of nothing but emotion and none of the social cues that kept those emotions from being acted on. “What did I do?”

“He’s a human, it’s all they do,” Dark’s red soul commented dryly. She was already wanting to leave, fretting about the mountain of work they needed to do.

“We can give him things,” Damien suggested hopefully, looking to Dark for approval.

Why? Dark asked. Is he the man we’ve been sleeping with for decades? Because I seem to remember someone a little more pink and mad. Or am I wrong?

Dark’s blue soul curled in on himself and stopped pulling the Entity to follow after Chase. He was more subdued than he’d been in a while.

It let Dark finally leave and head back to the warehouses to get some work done. And if Damien urged Dark to give little macabre trinkets to the triplets, he only hesitated for a little bit.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

Post A/N: Man, if Dark and Anti were half as good at communicating as they were at killing people, all their problems would be solved!

Accessibility Translations:

1. running

2. of

3. to

4. Probably

5. morning

6. You

7. Would have

8. for

9. I think he might even be giving them ideas.

10. I’m trying to watch them, but I’ve still got patrols to keep up with. I’ve got to deal with random bullshit that the Duke or Anti cause in the city. I’m still part of the Coalition.

11. Dark, I’ll keep doing everything I can for the boys, but I’m trying to stay on good behavior

12. It’s bad enough they’re barely letting me see my other kids, I don’t know what they’d do if I wasn’t being a hero. It’s the only thing I got going for me

13. Don’t! Just stop right there. You’re not going to threaten or “convince” anyone. Stacy’s fine. She’s doing fine with them. If you could get your fucking claws out of Paddy that’d be even better.

14. For who? I’m not going to fucking sit on my ass until they do something, it’s not like I’ve got anything useful for your little crime organization.

15. Fuck

16. I’m just some asset for you to buy?

17. working

18. your

19. going

[collecting-stories]

Christmas Eve - ep. 07 - Georgia

Summary: Christmas in King County and a hint at what lies behind the All-American girl persona that you wear. 

A/N: Hope you guys are enjoying the rewrite so far!

Georgia Masterlist | The Walking Dead Masterlist

☼ ☼ ☼ ☼

Christmas Eve in King County, like everything else, was marked by the church. There was the Christmas Eve midnight service that Hershel led, the living nativity set up in the middle of the square, for the days leading up to Christmas, and, of course, Annette’s Christmas Eve dinner at the farm for all the church congregation to gather together. It was more of an open house and you always ended up ‘working it’ though it was really just a glorified dinner, no need for servers and no one got paid for the shift.

“Are you busy on Thursday?” You asked the question innocently, leaving out the part where Thursday was also Christmas Eve.  

“Dunno,” Daryl shrugged, wiping his hands on the rag hanging out of his pocket as he turned to face you. A welcome distraction, having you around had prolonged the work that Daryl could’ve easily completed in two months. He was always stopping and starting when you came over though, more interested in you than in the car. Before he might’ve denied it but after Thanksgiving, he knew it was true, Rick had been right about him having feelings for someone. It wasn’t something he was used to but it was something.  

“It’s Christmas Eve.”  

“I got a calendar.” He replied, smiling when you pouted at him.

“Well if you’re calendar isn’t too booked maybe you’d come to the dinner Annette’s having at the Greene farm?” You replied, “it’s always a lot of fun.”

“Wouldn’t know, ain’t never been invited to it before.”  

“I’m inviting you now.”  

“Dunno,” he walked the short distance to the fridge and grabbed a beer out, “I’m not exactly a participating member of the community.”

“Dale will be there,” you offered, skimming over his last sentence. You knew he wasn’t anyone’s favorite person and you’d heard a good deal of Dixon stories from everyone who had heard that you were getting your car fixed by Daryl but that hadn’t dampened your opinion. Just because a bunch of people thought they knew him didn’t mean they did. “I’ll be there.”

“Ya want me ta spend Christmas Eve listening ta yer yammering on?” Daryl asked. You caught the hint of a smile and you knew he wasn’t as opposed to the idea as he was saying.  

“Maybe...beats me showing up here to interrupt your night.”

-

“So you asked him to come to Christmas Eve dinner?” Maggie asked, standing beside the wooden structure meant to represent the manger, white and blue cloths and headdress covering her jeans and thermal shirt. It was chillier than either of you would’ve liked tonight.

“Yeah, thought it’d be nice, he’s never been.” You pointed out. You had been sent over with thermoses of hot chocolate and cups for the manger volunteers, standing a short way off so that you didn’t ‘break the illusion’.  

“I highly doubt that Patty sent you over here to chitchat. You girls need to be better stewards of your time and your tongues.” Jacqui called, beckoning Maggie over as she spoke. You frowned, watching as Maggie rejoined the nativity cast. You weren’t a fan of King County’s holiest member of the community or her perception that she was better than everyone else.  

Jacqui was a central member of the church, a ward against gossip though she had a tongue for it herself, and a general know-it-all. She had been managing the 7-11 in town since the owner had franchised his small business to them, before you were even born. She even rented the house that sat just to the left. There was a picture of the original business hanging behind the counter at the 7-11, the house with two gas pumps in front of it, an older man and his wife standing on the porch. Somehow all that deemed Jacqui a sort of unspoken ‘elder’ member of the community. A gossip but an important voice in the town. On par with Patricia, Annette, and Hershel though she was younger.  

Her voice was important to everyone but you.  

“I heard you were in again the other day with that Dixon fella, buying cigarettes.” She mentioned when she came over, claiming to want some hot chocolate.

“The cigarettes were his, I don’t smoke,” you replied, watching the nativity scene. Having a job this Christmas had saved you from having to participate with all the rest of the youth group and you were more than thankful for that. “Besides, he’s working on my car, like I keep saying.”

“I’d said you’re spending a little too much time in his company. Might not’ve picked up his smoking but you picked up his need for talking-back.”

You fought the urge to roll your eyes as you smiled at her, “sorry Miss Jacqui, didn’t mean anything by it, must be the cold getting to me.”  

“Must be.”  

When she walked away again to reign in Joseph and a Wise Man you capped the rest of the hot chocolate and left it by the church table that was set up for donations. You weren’t lying about the cold, it was nearing forty at night as it got closer to January. Nothing you liked but you made due as long as you weren’t outside for too long. It was only when Patricia made you do ridiculous things like walk hot chocolate across the street to the living nativity that you really had to brave the weather.  

“Oh good you’re back, you got a table. I was gonna take his order but he said he didn’t ‘want nothing yet’ figured he might be waiting for ya.” Amy said, bumping her hip against yours as you took your coat off, whispering and glancing over her shoulder to your section as she spoke.  

You looked back, biting your lip to stop the smile on your face at the sight of Daryl sitting there reading over the menu. You grabbed your apron from the rack and tied it around your waist, “I got it, thanks.”

“He’s some trouble ya know.” Amy mentioned.  

“He’s Just fixing my car.” You replied and even as you said it you knew it sounded like a lie. You walked over to his table, smiling when he looked up at you.  

“Heard ya were bringing hot chocolate ta baby Jesus.” He said, grin in place.

“Yea course, haven’t you read that bit in the bible?” You teased. “Can I get you anything? Coffee? Your own hot chocolate?”  

“Coffee’s fine.”

“What brings you in?” You asked, hovering at the table, thankful for the slow night.  

“Figured yer always showing up ta harass me while I work, ain’t fair I don’t give ya the same treatment.” Daryl replied.  

You bit your bottom lip, preparing for a comeback when you heard Patricia call your name from behind the counter. She’d come out of the kitchen to see you standing at Daryl’s table, smiling at him like he just hung the stars and she’d almost had a heart attack. Patricia had seen him come in and had known, the moment he sat himself in your section, that he wasn’t moving anytime soon. She’d listened to you tell her the same story over and over again, that Daryl was fixing the jeep and that as soon as he was done so would your seeing him be.  

“I only see him to pay him for the job.”  

But Patricia wasn’t some naive young kid who you could pull the wool over. She’d been around the block a time or two and knew exactly what kind of temptations you were wading into hanging around Daryl Dixon.  

“I’ll be right back with your coffee.” You promised, turning away from him and walking back to the counter. Patricia looked passed you, eyebrow raised in disdain as she watched Daryl fiddle with his laminated menu.  

“Are you out of your damn mind?”  

“What?” You asked innocently, “I was talking to a customer.”

“I have half a mind to call your mother and tell her you been hanging around Dixon on your off time.” Patricia said.  

“I don’t know what you’re talking about Patty,” you insisted. If she called your parents then it was over. Your car would be in Woodbury, you would be grounded worse than Maggie could imagine, and you’d likely never see Daryl again.  

“You watch yourself, you’re in dangerous territory.”  

“He’s just fixing-”  

“Your car. I heard.” Patricia replied.  

“Can you hand me a coffee?” You asked, changing the subject.

She went to the other side of the counter to grab you a cup of coffee for Daryl while you turned back to look over at him. As if on some cue he looked over at you and you smiled. He looked away, rubbing the back of his neck and you caught the faint pink the blossomed over his cheeks.  

“One coffee.” Patricia said, setting it down and catching your attention again, “charge him this time.”

“I’ll make sure to get the dollar from him,” you replied, taking the cup and walking back over to Daryl’s table. Patricia shook her head, despite her friendship with your parents and the Greene’s she’d kept plenty of secrets for you and Maggie over the years. She hadn’t told them about Glenn and Maggie dating, she hadn’t told your parents about your tardiness over Thanksgiving or Daryl dropping off the pie plate when you’d claimed you were bringing the apple pie to Tara. She just wasn’t sure if she was doing the right thing not telling them you were falling deeper and deeper into something with Daryl.  

It was unspoken knowledge the way Will Dixon treated his kids. While Daryl’s mother hadn’t been some innocent girl getting taken advantage of she had loved her kids, Daryl a little more than Merle probably. She’d never hit them but she never stayed sober passed three in the afternoon and Patricia could still remember the senior Mr. Grimes coming in after the fire burned down the old house telling them about Daryl arriving home in time to see the place ablaze.  

Losing his mother, watching his brother leave, enduring years of abuse from his father, Patricia couldn’t help but worry that the apple hadn’t fallen far from the tree with Daryl. She’d been watching for any sign of abuse on you but she hadn’t seen any. If anything, you seemed happier than you had been in a while and it was that Patricia relied on to make herself feel better about not telling your parents that you were occupying your time with a Dixon.  

“Ya working late?” Daryl asked as you idled by his table.

“I’ve got thirty more minutes then I’m free to trudge home in the cold.” You replied, “I’m going to Maggie’s...we’re setting up the barn tomorrow for the Christmas Eve party.”

“Ya need a ride?”

“Do you mind driving Maggie too?”  

He shook his head. Daryl had come to the diner tonight just to see you. Aside from going to Dale’s for work or 7-11 for a pack of smokes he didn’t frequent too many places in King County. He was far from an active member in the community but he’d been turning up more often. The diner for one, the Winter Fest where Otis had spied him at the church table talking to you. He’d come tonight because he definitely wasn’t planning on going to the Christmas Eve party dinner that you had invited him to but he did have a present for you. Stupid, he was sure, but a present nonetheless.  

You paged Maggie to tell her to meet you at the diner and finished out the rest of your shift while Daryl drank his coffee, paid, and left to smoke out in the parking lot. He was there, toking on a cigarette, when you exited the diner with your backpack.  

“I really don’t like closing. I hate having to clean up.” You confessed as you came out to meet him.  

“Shifts a shift.” He shrugged and you rolled your eyes at his words. “Here, ‘fore Maggie comes over and I gotta hear the two a ya bitching about the Nativity or something.”

“You don’t have to drive us.” You replied, taking the box wrapped in newspaper that he had handed you, “is this a present? Did you get me a present?”

“Ain’t nothing special...don’t get so excited.” He said, chewing his thumb as you opened the gift he’d bought. Sitting in the little box was a keychain. A leather strap folded over and fastened onto a thin metal plate that attached it to the key hook. The leather was embroidered with clumsy little flowers in yellow with green leaves.  

“This is so pretty.” You smiled at Daryl, holding the keychain close as you gave him a one-armed hug.

Daryl tensed and pulled away, huffing as he tried to appear indifferent about the keychain, he’d made himself, “none a that, it ain’t nothing expensive. Just thought ya’d like it.”

“I love it, thank you.”

“I’m here, I’m here.” Maggie’s voice cut through your conversation as she came around the side of the truck, brushing out her hair from being pinned back in Mary’s head covering. Daryl dropped his cigarette and stubbed it out with his boot to distract himself from the blush that had started warming his cheeks when you hugged him. “Hi Daryl.” Maggie greeted.

“Hey,” he nodded to her before heading around to the driver’s side of the truck. You climbed in first, taking the middle seat, while Maggie climbed in second. You slipped the leather keychain back into the box and held it on your lap as Daryl pulled out of the diner with the two of you, heading toward Hershel’s farm.  

The ride was quiet, a lull of conversation as Maggie complained about Jacqui and the other youth group kids that had been roped into the nativity. You stayed quiet, knee pressed against Daryl’s and hands gripping present he had given you, unable to contain the smile on your face. The truck drove the dirt path up to the farm and Daryl cut the engine, Maggie already opening the door and slipping out.

“Thanks for the ride.”

“No problem.” Daryl replied, huffing out smoke as you slide across the seat, suddenly cold from the loss of touch. He was gripping the steering wheel with one hand as he watched you get out of the truck, lingering in the door like you always did.

“I do have a present for you, by the way.” You mentioned, spying the newspaper wrapping crumpled on the floor of the truck.  

“Ya don’t have ta waster yer money.”

“Too late.” You teased. You met his eyes and your smile widened. On the other side of the truck  you could hear the front door clatter open, the familiar squeak of the springs on the screen and footsteps bounding down as Beth ran across the headlights to engulf you in a hug.

“I missed you!”  

“Hi Beth, I missed you too!”

Still holding your waist she caught sight of Daryl for the first time and twisted, moving her body behind yours and peeking out at him. “Hi.”

“Hey,” Daryl dropped his cigarette into the ashtray in the truck as he nodded his head to her, “yer Beth I take it.”

“I am.”

“I like yer braids.” He mentioned, watching the sweet smile she offered as she moved further out so he could see the blonde french braids clearer.

“Thank you! My mom did them for me so that my hair will be wavy tomorrow for Christmas Eve.”

“I’m sure it’ll look beautiful.”

She giggled and you bit your lip as your eyes met his. “I’d better get inside, thanks for the ride.”

“Sure thing, see ya ‘round.”

You walked Beth inside, her gaze wandering back to the pickup as she climbed the porch stairs with you. “Is that your boyfriend?”

“No. Daryl’s not my boyfriend.”

“She wishes.” Maggie teased, waiting at the door for the two of you.  

-

The barn at Christmas was arguably one of your favorite sights in the world. Hershel took great pride in outlining the entire building with lights, he hung a oversized wreath on the side with a large spotlight and the whole thing felt like you were walking into a Hallmark movie or a Thomas Kincaide mural. Georgia didn’t a lot of real winter weather but the barn made you feel like you were in some New England town.

“I was sorry to hear your dad couldn’t make it.” Jacqui came up behind you, her voice returning you to the reality of the evening. Hershel’s barn decorated at Christmas was your favorite but the people who filled it weren’t.  

“Yeah, he wishes he could be.” You shrugged. “Working.”  

“That’s what your mom said. At least he’s a good worker right? Must be where you get it from.”

Just passed Jacqui you could see your mom talking to Annette. Her eyes met yours and she straightened up, pointing to her mouth and indicating for you to smile. You straightened your back and offered Jacqui a closed lip smile before answering her, “yeah. Must be.”  

When Jacqui left to talk to another church member your mom made a quick beeline for you, wrapping her hand around your arm and guiding you outside, away from the party. “What did Jacqui want?”

“She was just asking about dad-”

“What did you say?”

“I said he was at work. God, mom we went over this in the car...I’m not stupid.” You crossed your arms in front of you, looking away from her.  

“You didn’t say anything to Maggie?”

“No.”  

“Hey!” She grabbed at your jaw to make you look at her, nails scratching against your cheek, “look at me. Did you tell Maggie?”

“No. I didn’t say anything to anyone mom.” You replied, pulling away from her and stepping back, “can I go back inside or did you want to assault me some more?”

“For Gods sake stop being so dramatic.”

“Dramatic? You dragged me out here to ask if I told some random person that my dad is in rehab for the billionth ti-”

“Keep your voice down!” She snapped, “you want everyone to hear you?”  

“Sorry mama.”  

She smoothed back your hair, pushing stray pieces away from your face and fixing your headband for you before leading you both back inside for the continuation of the night. Neither of you spoke to each other the rest of the evening. Not in the car on the way to the service at church and not once you’d gotten home. You went in your room to change and listened to her in the kitchen, trying to throw together a lunch as she prepared to work through the holiday. A knock on your bedroom door was the only thing to signify that she was leaving and would likely work the whole of Christmas.  

The Greene’s would be confused if you went to theirs too early in the morning and you didn’t want to disturb Daryl any more than you already did by showing up at his. Tara was spending the holiday upstate visiting her sister and seeing her niece. The diner was closed. You opted for going straight to bed once your dress was off and your face was clean…hopefully you’d be lucky and you’d sleep through the holiday.  

-

Taglist: @hopesxxhigh @coffeebooksandfandom @jodiereedus22 @tehfabbooty @thecaptainsgingersnap @of-storms-and-sadness @twdeadfanfic @alwaysadreamingoptimist @mainokutan @sabertooth-potato @qrangr @bucky-barnes-babies @ly--canthrope @daryldixonandfrogs @jaycc7983 @easnuppa @imaginecrushes @tonystarkismyboy @watchmeaspire @harpersmariano @cbarter @onemorebeautifulnightmare  @mainokutan @gigilame @sabertooth-potato @enrapturedbythemoon @cathwritestragediesnotsins @siren-queen03

[ninjasmart]

What is Jack Schlossberg, President John Kennedy’s only grandson’s ikigai?

Ti

1. Ikigai is a concept coming from Japan that means - reason for being. Many people focus on the career, on the work, but don’t feel fulfilled. If you do what you love, what you’re good at, what others need you to do for them, what the world needs more of, what others are willing to pay for, then you’re on Your Path.

2. With Jack Schlossberg, the career is an obsession. I can see him exhausted trying to do everything. It is interesting, people who try to fulfill two different life paths usually have more than one name. With him - there’s overstacking on building the background for a political figure - the education, the charities. It’s like - we gave birth to you - now, go and become a president. 

At the same time - he’s really good at Blue Bloods. There’s future for Officer Jack in the industry. I’m thinking, should I really do a love reading on him. He’s so focused on what will make mom happy, the family proud of a Kennedy and what will make me happy, and I’ll do both, cause I’m ambitious. 

3. I’ll cut to the chase because his ikigai is the Moon. Literally the world of illusions. That’s equally as valid for the entertainment industry as for politics. His family need not worry and have faith in him.

It’s interesting, though, I keep getting the question - what do you need all those Diplomas for? He was raised as very responsible overachiever. The path he was put on is ambitious. The question is - is it his path. 

I think there is future for him on the big screen. If he thinks he needs to overachieve to prove he can do it and it’s not all because of who he is - he needs to remember to just say Thank you. That’s enough. Those who are envious will always find something to envy him for. Those who are not will see that he is fortunate to have access to the elite schools of the land and one can only be happy for him. Those who can those who have access to the elite also have the responsibility to make the world a better place including for those who can’t. 

Because, let me tell you, there are people who have access to the resources to which he has access to and do not do good on their responsibility to society. This guy, Jack Schlossberg, he’s solid. Not just responsible. Solid. Good things can be expected from him. And, if one day he ends up as a political satire comedian - he’ll revolutionize it. 

His service to the world is in the public eye - whether from a TV show, or a Netflix show, or a News anchor, or a late night comedy show, or from the Senate - he’ll be good at it. We need more people like him in the world. 

4. What’s his passion - 7 of cups reversed. He is not unclear what he is passionate about. He was born into prestige, respect, I’d say - American royalty, he is gorgeous. The 7 cups in the 7 of cups stand for - the temptation, the desires of the heart: health, wealth, fame, glory, castles, salvation. He was born into that. He makes good on his bloodline with his more serious pursuit. I would only add that the Blue Bloods and the acting is not whimsical pursuit. It is not less serious or less respectable. It is one aspect of what he’s good at - and that is: acting. Unlike our faux royal MM, he IS good at it. Keep on practicing, boy, the world needs you. 

5. What he loves - Well, if you leave him on his own accord, he’ll be , 8 of pentacles reversed. These are the employees every manager “loves” - who can find how to cheat the close and will put in only the minimum effort to not get fired but also to not be noticed by the managers with good performance. As business owners they’ll love to have their name under the CEO or Founder position but the long hours, blood sweat and tears will be optional for them. 

If you leave him to slack off he’ll do it and he’ll be really good at it. Two possible reasons for that. I really think he’s overly ambitious and an overachiever. That leads to what unsuccessful people will call “bite more than you could chew”. In hi case - he’ll do it, he’ll make it, he’ll succeed even if this makes him a slacker in one are or looking like a lazy person in some other area. He’s not lazy, he’s got way too much on his plate and he’s juggling it all. 

So, the first explanation is - it’s an exhaustion symptom. He’d love to just relax and do nothing because he is constantly achieving something and rarely takes time to really do nothing and recharge his batteries. 

The second one is - he was raised to not be a slacker. So he’d love to be like the regular Jacks but that’s not who he is and he knows it. 

6. What the world needs  - the high priestess. Divine Feminine. Champion of human, feminine rights. And, please get me right - a champion of the Divine Feminine is a man who defends, makes a woman safe, help her, treats her right. A gentleman in the true sense of the word. 

The high priestess is one of my favorite cards. I would also interpret it as - finish your degree, do not drop out. It was cool, but now it is not. Be a man of your family and graduate. Then, go back to school for acting. Find your acting mentor - a woman, a woman of considerable age. I think she’s very well known teacher. Learn from her. She has a lot to offer. 

Perfect your acting skills because you’ll make good use of them in the future.

7. What is he going to be paid for - In ikigai this is what is important part of getting out of bed in the morning. Not only to give to others more than you receive back in monetary value but to also receive that monetary value. 

10 of wands is a beautiful advice card here. He needs to form partnerships and always, always delegate and be clear on roles and responsibilities and to share the workload. He doesn’t have to do it all on his own. In order for him to be better in achievements, he needs to learn to find the right people to delegate the workload to. That will not make him less of a workaholic. But it will carve some time for mindfulness, focus and strategic thinking. 

He’s already studying for that so thumbs up, he chose well. 

8. What is he good at - 2 of wands. Money. He’s good at handling money, making money, creating multiple streams of income. If he wants to write a book - his mindset and management of personal finances will be a bestseller.

9. His mission in life - 4 of swords reversed. I already talked about it. If he thought that he’s one of those rich kids of legends, who are supposed to make good to their ancestors but will never come out of their famous relative’s shadow whether they make use of the privileges in life or not --- that’s not his path. 

He is not supposed to life a private life outside of the eyes of the media. ... some of the download got lost because I was distracted for a moment... Whe nthe time comes his ancestry will play a deciding factor. Until then - be in the public eye as much as possible. Rack up those fans and followers. The world needs you - you, not who you thought you are or who you were told you should be.

10. His vocation - 5 of pentacles. It’s a hard card to read. If I could make a guess - it can show his current situation at his environment - work, school, professional sphere. He’s meeting with a lot of isolation - you’re not like us, you’re from the royalty. If I was to guess, he’s experiencing it in a lot of areas - things handed to him because of his last name, or things not given to him again because of his last name. 

I think that this is the reason he is so determined to show them all, to achieve it all, to be successful no matter what... you know the saying - when life gives you lemons, make a lemonade... and then sell it for profit. 

This type of attitude towards him comes with the territory. It is part of who he is and this is where the acting skills can help even more to show him as relatable. And also, we are not given a challenge unless this is what defines us and makes us not stronger but makes us ...words are escaping when I come to explaining this. My guess is that he needs to figure it out on his own. 

However, those challenges are what he came here to achieve in solving. He can become very relatable. Very, very relatable. If he could only see those challenging situations as an invitation to turn these people as his fans instead of enemies or frenemies or people who secretly dislike him or envy him, he’ll be performing his calling to a T. Later on in life he’ll be a role model. Might as well start now.

11. His profession - the Fool. The Fool as profession is an interesting card. First, he need to embody the qualities of the Fool card. To make it seem that what he has been achieving is easy,  leisurely, effortlessly, and that anyone can achieve it. 

He’s ok to continue to be ambitious. Signing new acting contracts, following double major after double major on the side. As advice - do not be afraid to start over or start new things constantly. This is who you are. Make it seem effortless and secretly work really hard to make it happen. 

[minghaocouture]

Fearless Chapter 1

Pairing: Werewolf!Jeon Wonwoo x Vampire!Reader Genre: Romance, Action, Fantasy, Non-Idol AU Warning: Language, mild mentions of non sexual nudity Rating: T WC: 2.8K AU Lore:  Vampire Coven Info/Wolf Pack Info/Lore Info

Chapter List: Chapter 1/Chapter 2/Chapter 3/Chapter 4/Chapter 5/Chapter 6/Chapter 7/Chapter 8/Chapter 9/Chapter 10/Chapter 11/Chapter 12/Chapter 13/Chapter 14

***

“[Y/N] If you sleep any later you’re gonna be late for your shift.” You groaned hearing the familiar voice of your Coven sister, Siyeon. She was always such an early riser. You’d think after a few decades you would be used to it. 

Surprise, surprise, you aren’t. So you simply roll over on your bed and cover your head with your pillow.

“Go bother Yuna, I’m not in the mood Yeonie.” Being the eldest of the female in the Coven, Siyeon had a tendency to mother you all. Despite everyone being almost a century old at this point. The only exception being little Hyunjin who had just been turned a few months ago. The coven life wasn’t the easiest but it was definitely better than being a stray.

You heard a scoff from Siyeon as she continued getting ready for her patrol. “Fine, let Minghao find out you’re sleeping in again. See if I care.” Now that was playing dirty. Minghao was easily the strictest out of the 4 Coven leaders, even without being considered Primus or Venture. He also scared the living daylights out of you. While some members of the clan could walk around mostly silent, usually your ears are good enough to hear them coming. Minghao was a whole different beast, you would never know he was in a room unless he announced his presence. 

With a groan, you threw your legs out from your blanket and onto the wood paneling bellow. You could almost feel Siyeon’s smug smirk as she heard your movement. With a heavy hand you reached up in an attempt to at least sort of get your hair into some semblance of order. Trekking over to your wardrobe and pulling out a good set for your patrol tonight. Patrols weren’t exactly fun, especially with that Stray that’s been wandering around town and the Wolf Pack. Though the Pack had been a problem for months, and by this point you just wanted them to go away so the Patrols would lighten a bit. It’s not like any of you could control what they did during the daytime, it surprised you that those mutts didn’t use that weakness to their advantage. You honestly didn’t know why Soonyoung didn’t just run them out of town, sure your numbers were even but a Vampire was worth at least three of those mongrels. 

“Make sure you’re careful out there tonight. Chan said that they were a bit more active last night.” The warning definitely didn’t fall on deaf ears, the Full Moon was drawing near. They were probably planning something big for that night. Rolling your eyes as you slipped your shirt on, you then turned towards your roommate. 

“You should be telling that to Kevin, not me. He keeps trying to talk to them.” You retorted, returning to your bed so you could pull on your boots before going down to check in with Jun. Being Primus, Jun was generally the one who would let you know your Patrols if Soonyoung was busy. Now Soonyoung wasn’t always busy, but he was usually pretty damn hard to find. With his unending high energy it was always like trying to catch smoke just to have a solid conversation with the Venture. In contrast, Jun was always at the bar and was generally just easier to find. 

Siyeon groaned at your words, and you heard a bit of muttering from the elder female before she stalked out of the room, not bothering to say goodbye. Well, looks like Kevin was gonna get into some big trouble today...oops.

For a minute you just sat on your bed, just kind of debating about staying there and hiding out for the day. Previously, Patrol just consisted of walking around for an hour or so before someone came to tap you out but now, patrols were partnered and could last all night. It had been like this for a few months, ever since the Wolf Pack moved into the woods on the Northern side of town. Sure members of the Fae courts had lived in the area before, and they were troublesome and tricky but they had their own territories on another plane so they would flitter in and out like...well like you would expect of a Faerie. The Wolves, on the other hand, seemed to be hell bent on driving your Coven out. 

Groaning you stood once again and made your way downstairs to the bar. Jun, Keonhee and the new girl (you couldn’t exactly remember her name) seemed to be setting up for the night since there was at least another 30 minutes until open. Keonhee practically beamed at you, waving when he noticed you. He was such a sweetheart, definitely a contrast to the darker interior of the bar with its harsh flashing lights and bass heavy music. You couldn’t stop the small smile from creeping its way onto your face as you waved back. Keonhee nudged the girl, so she would greet you. Her eyes seemed to pierce you like ice, which...to be fair was very fitting as she was of the Winter Court. Her face didn’t bother to change from its neutral and almost irritated look that it always seemed to have, she simply nodded in your direction before continuing with her work. 

“[Y/N]! Good Morning!” Jun greeted, traveling to meet you at the end of the bar. You noticed him patting the female on the shoulder as he passed, as if telling her she did a good job for just meeting your eyes. He was always soft on newbies at the bar. You watched the female tense a bit when his hand touched her, but when the pressure left her you noticed her eyes follow him down the bar.

“So where am I headed tonight?” You questioned, plopping yourself onto the nearest bar stool as Jun reached under the bar and passed you a blood bag. He pouted at your words, seeing him like this you never would have guessed that he was over a thousand years old. The only one who was as bad as him was Minhyuk, maybe that’s what being alive for over a millennia does to you? He didn’t seem a day over 5, or at least in the way he acted. You waited for him to start as you popped a straw into the bag.

“You never come talk to me unless you need your patrol.” He whined, crossing his arms over his chest and only further proving your earlier thought about him acting like a child. You didn’t respond to his whining and simply continued to sip on your blood, AB positive today, not your favorite but at least it wasn’t B negative. You’d have to check when the next Blood Night was, this bagged shit just never really cut it. The Primus continued to pout but spoke again. “You’re with Yuna tonight. The two of you will be going to the Northern residential area near the forests, you’re the closest to the Pack tonight so be careful. I wanted to send another with you but we just didn’t have enough manpower tonight.”

“With people getting nights off so we are all good for the Full Moon, yeah yeah I get it. Yunnie and I got this.” She’d probably complain if she heard the two of you calling her Yuna, for some reason her and Eunbi wanted to go by code names. Saying they didn’t want the wolves to hear their real name or something, just in case they knew any nearby witches. A name was a powerful weapon of course but like...Wolves being smart enough to use them as such was a stupid thought. You thought they were vastly over estimating the brain power of the wolves.

You passed the now empty bag back to Jun for him to get rid of. “Thanks for the snack Jun. We’ll be back before sunrise.”

***

“Wonwoo-Hyung, you coming out for a run with us?” Glancing over the top of his book, connecting eyes with his Pack brother Jacob. It was just a few days before the Full Moon so everyone in the house was on edge, needing to be out in the woods. Wonwoo was no exception to this. Sure he wished he could just sit at home and read his new book, his wolf wanted to go with his brother. 

Sighing, he picked up his book mark and slid in between the pages of his novel. “Who all is going out tonight?” He questioned, while Wonwoo knew they couldn’t just hide inside he also knew that the Vampires were more on edge the closer the Full Moon got. Those Blood Suckers were ridiculous, did they really think that their little ‘patrols’ were actually doing anything? It was just irritating at this point. Even Seungcheol had had enough of them. The Full Moon this month was going to be the turning point for their rivalry, hopefully with this push they would be able to send the Vampires running and then they wouldn’t have to deal with them sticking their nose into everyone;s business. 

Jacob almost beamed at Wonwoo, if he had been in his wolf shape his tail would definitely have been wagging. “It’s gonna be me, Changbin, Felix and Yubin. Hyunwoo-Hyung was going to come too, but he and Hoseok-Hyung are going to try and sneak into that bar again.” Because of course they were. Hoseok was almost obsessed with trying to get into that bar the Vampires ran. He was convinced that if they could get in then they could have the upper hand, Hyunwoo was probably only going so that Hoseok didn’t get ganged up on.

Wonwoo definitely wasn’t going to complain about going on a run, but he just wished he hadn’t gotten to such a good part in his book. Setting the novel down on the coffee table, the elder wolf stood and stretched. “Well we better get going before it gets too late. Felix and Changbin have classes tomorrow.” Personally Wonwoo didn’t care too much if the younger ones skipped their college classes, he had done it back when he had been in college (of course that had been back in the 30s, and it was a different time back then) but Seungcheol wanted to make sure the younger ones were getting a good education before they really had people start to question their ages. 

Being stuck looking 20 definitely had its perks but the drawbacks were pretty extreme, especially when you were 92 and stuck looking like you’re 20. He’d had conversations humans younger than him, but acted like he was just a dumb kid. It was beyond annoying. 

Jacob’s cheer brought Wonwoo out of his thoughts, the younger boy dashing to go let the others know they could go running. With that energy, no one would have ever guess that Jacob was a 54 year old man. Wonwoo simply shook his head before making his way outside, taking off his current outfit and setting it onto the bench outside the cabin. As the door opened again he waved to greet Yubin, not bothering to cover himself before he shifted into his Wolf form. 

Yubin had been with the pack for a good 10 years, and the pack had all seen each other in various states of undress. At this point they were all desensitised towards it, at least when it came to members of the pack. The only ones who were still shy about the whole coed pack arrangement were the pups, Felix, Changbin, and Vernon. Felix being the worst, being the runt of the pack and had only just turned 20. He was still shy and would usually wait inside the house until the girls had shifted and he would always shift on the other side of the house when any of the females were with them. Wonwoo had to admit it was kind of cute, and reminded him of when Sojung had first joined. 

No one had really known how to treat Sojung, but they could feel the pack bond with her and knew she was one of theirs. It was strange for a few years, up until they had found Sana. Now the presence of the women was just normal, at least for the elder members of the pack. 

Yubin was followed out by Jacob and Changbin, Felix still inside obviously waiting for Yubin to go off. Yubin, knowing this, disrobed quickly and wasted no time shifting. She stalked over to stand near Wonwoo but kept her back towards the house so that Felix would be comfortable enough to come outside. Which he did in fact, practically bolted outside to join his pack siblings in shifting. 

The run started out fairly regularly, The young ones, Felix and Changbin would race off ahead of the pack while Wonwoo would tell them to stick close to the middle with Jacob, and Yubin kept her spot at the back to keep an eye on their rear. Wonwoo loved the feeling of the wind in his fur and the snow beneath his paws as they ran, it was always such a freeing feeling. He heard a few yelps from the pups as they play fought at the front of the group, and he let out the closest a wolf could give to a chuckle. After a good 30 minutes they stopped for a second near the edge of the forest. Wonwoo and Yubin sat just getting a good look up at the moon, why Jacob oversaw a match between Felix and Changbin. It was moments like this that Wonwoo lived for, just the peaceful moments with his family. 

The moment was broken when he heard Yubin begin to growl, casting his eyes away from the moon followed her line of sight and noticed what caused her sudden reaction. With a quick signal to the boys, he quickly got in position to fight just in case the Vampires attacked.

The smaller female looked a bit more on edge while her companion simply looked irritated, her hands stuffed into the pockets of her leather jacket.

“I thought we told you mutts to stay away from this side of town.” She called out, making sure to keep a distance from the quintet of wolves. Wonwoo simply growled in response, This caused the female to roll he eyes, “Oh i forgot, you can’t talk like this. Must be hard. At least I can have access to my abilities all at once. I don’t have to pick and choose like you.” She taunted, almost like she was trying to edge them on. This seemed to make the smaller woman a bit concerned. She grabbed onto her companion’s arm before speaking towards her, but her eyes never left the wolves.

“Unnie, they’re still in the forest. Hoshi would be upset if we provoked them.” This only caused the female to roll her eyes once more, and mutter something about stupid code names. But this did seem to cause the woman to take a step back. 

“Oh come off it Yun-...Yuju. They’re just dumb dogs.” Her words caused Changbin to growl at her, him being a bit more sensitive to the insults. This just caused the Vampire to bare her fangs towards him “If you wanna fight mutt, then come on. No one’s stopping you.” The Yuju girl took a step away from her companion, who seemed prepared for any fight that might come.

As Changbin was just about to take the bait and rush her, Wonwoo positioned himself in front of the younger wolf. His dark brown gaze focused on the female. Something felt off in him as he watched her, but he couldn’t focus on that. Right now his Pack was what he needed to be concerned with. His interruption caused a whine to escape from Changbin, who was obviously willing to fight her. Wonwoo didn’t move though, he simply gestured for Yubin to take the lead in heading back to the house. She complied but gave one last glare towards their antagonists. She was followed by Felix, who hated fighting and wanted to get away as quickly as he could. Jacob gently nipped the back of Changbin’s neck to force him to follow him. Wonwoo waited until the four were far enough away from the two females before he began backing into the forest, not letting his eyes leave the two. As he did, the more aggressive of the duo waved. 

“Bye bye puppies! Don’t go out and get rabies, it’d be a shame to have to put you down.” Obvious sarcasm lacing her voice. While Wonwoo was grateful to be getting away from the female, a part of him wanted to go back if only just to be around her. Which was definitely a strange feeling, but nothing too concerning.

[puppy-phum]

thank you once again @yibobibo​ for tagging me ♥ even if, like I said, this is pure torture. I have so many sons that I’ve given up on counting them sigh but here goes.

favourite male fictional characters.

I took it that this meant ten so am going with that (tho am not gonna try and put them into order). am also sticking to all the characters I loved this year. and gonna ramble and add gifs so cutting it here. 

1. Liu Sang

The Lost Tomb Reboot/Reunion: The Sound of The Providence

I have so much love for this boy it’s not even healthy. it’s a bit funny tho bc once I started tltr, I didn’t really like him and almost forgot about him as the first season ended. he just felt so annoying and bitter in what I saw him, even if I did get that he had a Tragic BackstoryTM (I felt for him but well. tltr really made him hard to like at first). but then they brought him back in the second season with his sad puppy eyes and inability to handle his thoughts on wu xie and being all touch-starved and pitiful and whatnot and baam, I had the adoption papers ready. he’s wonderful and so strong and so smart and amazing. and liu chang as his actor has been wonderful (and he’s so pretty my god, have you seen him??)

2. Shen Wei

Guardian

never did I expect to just. fall into this hole after a year? I remember what a mess I was when I first watched guardian over a year ago, right after finishing the untamed. I was in shambles even as I knew how it would end. and now I’ve done this all again while also reading the novel and. my love for shen wei, especially bc it’s zhu yilong acting as shen wei? astronomical. I want to write poetry about him and his stupid responsibilities that he chooses to carry silently and his devotion to zhao yunlan and his love for his ppl and his didi and. I hope that one day I manage to write weilan bc I have this one idea and you can come pry it from my cold, dead fingers if it doesn’t get out there (am also super happy about the edit I made bc my god does he deserve at least that)

3. Cloud Strife

Final Fantasy VII

ok so stepping into the video games territory now. I was waiting for the remake like crazy and it was everything to me once the quarantine hit during spring. the game is so beautiful and I felt like I looked at this gorgeous boy once and was ready to give him my heart (tbh am quite sure he owned my heart before I even learned to know him). he is tragic in so many ways (I’ve only scratched the surface of all of his pain I know) and I wish I could just. hug him a lot. he is kind and cares very deeply even if he hates to show it and I love it how remake showed him also just being a human disaster (some of his scenes are just. peak comedy). I would kill for his smile (I have already cried for it a dozen)

4. Geralt of Rivia

The Witcher (The Witcher 3: Wild Hunt)

if there’s one grumpy, brickwall of a man I love, it’s geralt. I affectionately call him “papa wolf” while playing witcher 3 and his voice in it does things to me (I am just so fond of him ok, begone you dirty fuckers). I got introduced to him through the books and adored him in them bc he is so prickly and sarcastic and still so full of love even if he will never admit to it. he is the father figure I wish I could have in real life. (and yes, I’ve seen the tv series (or at least a couple of the first episodes) and it looks stunning but. this is my version of geralt and that’s the hill I will die on)

5. Xiaoge

Zhang Qiling, Daomu Biji (The Lost Tomb 2)

(wow finding a gif for him was a pain, apparently I gotta learn how to gif or?) ah, my dear boy who I’ve ended up just calling xiaoge bc he seems to prefer it over his real name/title/whatever zhang qiling really is. I got introduced to him through tltr where we really didn’t get to know that much about him bc he was just... there. huang junjie was absolutely stunning tho and his soft smiles made me super fond, but only in the lost tomb 2 did I really fall in love with xiaoge as a character. I was surprised tbh bc I didn’t expect it to be this drama? I had so many doubts about the cast in tlt2 but they all delivered! and I think cheng yi’s xiaoge is now my favorite bc he somehow captured that softness and the pain of him? (and we do not talk about that buxun storyline tyvm) tho now that ultimate note is on the way, I gotta say that xiao yuliang does a wonderful job as xiaoge too!

6. Wu Xie

Daomu Biji (Ultimate Note)

(sorry we have to go with a pingxie gif now but maybe it’s only fitting) tbh it’s hard to choose my favorite version of wu xie. I think all of the actors for him have done amazing job showing wu xie in different parts of his life (all of them are very distinct but still feel like the same person) but currently zheng shunxi takes the lead. I really wanted to put the reboot version of him here (bc I love that mature, relaxed and somehow very soft version of him and the angst is phenomenal and the thoughts he has about death... yeah) but I already have zhu yilong’s face here once so :’D wu xie is just one of those characters you cannot not like. he is so strong, so kind, so stubborn, so wonderfully stupid sometimes and in need of careful protection. I also adore it how smart he is and I could listen to him spew history facts for 10 hours straight (even if it was in a tomb full of blood zombies) ♥

7. Jiang Cheng

Jiang Wanyin, The Untamed

my darling boy! my beautiful angry grape! I love him beyond words. I love him in all of his raging, misunderstood, stupid, sassy, constipated, abused, tragic, bitter, big hearted glory. I could write novels about him (and I did and am still writing oh boy) and his love for ppl and his inability to show that love and his loneliness and his issues. I could also write another novel for all of his outfits etc. bc damn, what a fashion king. he is just so great. he owns my soul. he deserves happiness and in this essay I will

8. Isana Yashiro

Adolf K. Weismann, K Project

I rewatched k project this spring bc a) it’s one of my favorite animes ever (it just looks stunning with all the colors) and b) I love yashiro to bits. I remember falling in love with him when I first watched k project many years ago bc he was just so kind and bright. this time though, I ended up seeing another side of him and my god did I cry. he is... so sweet. he cares for others so deeply and is ready to sacrifice so much for them and his love for his two clansmen... yeah. I think I finally saw the tragedy of him too, all the pain and loneliness and insecurity he decides to hide behind his smile and obnoxious personality. he reminded me a lot of myself and watching him made my heart bleed in a good way

9. Qi Tiezui

Ba Ye, The Mystic Nine

(wow am going to riot for the lack of all the gifs hhh) yes, we’re continuing with the dmbj universe that sucked me in big time this year. the drama of the mystic nine wasn’t probably that earth shattering for me as it somehow got boring more than once but I did love ba ye to bits. he was just... so nice? I got it that he was somehow this “comedic relief” in the drama with all of his funny scenes and ridiculous mannerisms but I could see the brilliance of him. he is warm and smart and kind of a romantic too and he cares for all of his friends so deeply? it was also sweet how protective of him his two zhangs were (does that run in the family? the tendency to imprint into one smart but disastrous man and keep him safe? maybe) and I really hope I knew more about him bc he seemed to have a lot of knowledge and a lot of impact to ppl’s lives (I yelled when they mentioned him in ultimate note, I miss him ;;)

10. Dorian Pavus

Dragon Age Inquisition

(yes I’ve been replaying DA:I this year, this counts!) another darling boy! my lovely sass master son! I have so much love for him and his story in DA:I. he is my favorite companion (and his romance is my favorite too, probably obvious in the way am currently romancing him for the third time) and he has given me a lot of strength. the way he stands up against his father, how he’s ready to reform his homeland instead of walking away, how he’s so caring for those he sees struggling... it’s very warming and I feel like I’m safe with him. it feels a bit silly to say that but he really is that comfort character I will seek out when I just want to know am doing fine :’) (and I am so excited to see him again in DA4! probably?)

+ 11. Li Cu

Tomb of the Sea

yes I cheated a bit (with my own rules lol) to fit li cu here. I didn’t really expect to like him or tomb of the sea as much as I did once I started it? I’ve seen leo wu elsewhere before this (battle through the heavens, nirvana in fire) and his face always makes me think about a sad puppy so maybe I just grew fond over li cu instantly bc he was... so hurt? the first episode really slaps you in the face with all of it, showing him being abused, wounded, kidnapped, tortured, used and then just very, very scared and broken. he continues being that throughout the whole drama and I feel like tomb of the sea (or sand sea or sha hai idk) is the darkest and angstiest story in the dmbj universe. I know it deserves to be bc this is a dark time for wu xie but... my darling li cu. I wish him only happiness ;; he was so strong and smart and wonderful in this and it was just so amazing to watch him grow and find his own place in the world just bc he did something himself (even when he got dragged into all of this bc of wu xie) also I support the wu xie adopts li cu -agenda

Honorary mentions: 

Zhang Rishan, Xie Yuchen and Hei Xiazi from DMBJ universe. The Twin Jades of Gusu and Ouyang Zizhen from The Untamed. The Iron Bull and Fenris from Dragon Age games. Thane Krios, Kaidan Alenko and Jaal from Mass Effect games. The whole lot of Assassin’s Creed protagonists (especially Ezio Auditore and Shay Cormac). Adam Parrish and Ronan Lynch from The Raven Cycle. Neil Josten from All For The Game. Eduon and March from The Smoke Thieves. Qiling from L.O.R.D. Critical World. Luo Fei from Detective L (played by Bai Yu). 

well, with this I can really see that I have a thing for those who are tragic :’D I have a thing for grumpy, prickly and antisocial guys or those who hide their pain behind a smile. maybe it’s bc I am somehow both, even if I can’t show my anger or be mean to others and even if I feel like my smile never sticks either. I just find kinship in all of the characters who are on this list. and I feel like I aspire to be as strong and as kind and as loving despite all the pain I’ve been put through.  

thank you, this was so much fun! and sorry I made this so long and so complicated ^^’ but well, there are just way too many male characters I love haha

at the end I want to tag @i-am-just-a-kiddo​ @ashenwren​ @kholran​ @tiesanjiao​ @lan-xichens​ @aheartfullofjolllly​ @manhasetardis​ and @lzswy​​ ♥ feel free to do this in your own way or not at all! and thank you if you managed to read through my rambling :’D

[lokigodofaces]

Okay let me just say every time I see videos of the planes crashing into the two towers it still just shocks me. It's insane to think how horrible humans can be. This one example is just one that gets to me for a few reasons (personal ones). The recent Taliban take over is another thing that just gets to me (and I am thoroughly upset that no one has talked about it since it happened). The Holocaust is another one. Cambodian genocide too. Mormon extermination order is a big one (I'm LDS so very personal; not well known but basically Missouri territory had an executive order that was an extermination order against Mormons; no it is not still in effect, rescinded in the '70's but not enforced for a long time). Those are not the only horrible things that have happened, but those ones just always hit me harder for some reason.

But I just cannot believe how awful humans can be towards one another. That we are capable of doing horrible things to each other because of others' religion, race, nationality, or our own justifications based on our religion, supposed racial/national superiority, etc. That we see each other as black or Muslim before we see each other as human.

Groups are not bad. It is good to have groups of similar people. This is how we worship and fulfill cultural events. But, above all, we are not ____ and human. We are human and _____. The one thing I say other than that is that we are all children of God, but in my religion that is kind of synonymous with being human, if that makes sense, in that we all are His children.

But we so often rely to heavily on groups. We define people as neurodivergent, as Latino, as queer. When before all of that they are human. So how can we discriminate based on those small groups.

The events I listed are awful. I literally cried when the Taliban took over, even though I am not affected at all in America. Every time I see a video of a plane crash in the two towers I just feel like my chest is closing. Every time I see anything about the Cambodian genocide I am upset because it isn't taught really in American schools. The Holocaust makes me feel dread unlike anything else.

And, I can't go any farther into that. I'd like to not start my first week of college depressed.

But somehow, I still am able to see some of the best of humanity in these events. Because it's 9/11, I'll take about that.

Everything kind of stopped in NYC when the WTC was crashed into. First responders are already some of the people I have the most respect for, but I have a special amount of respect for the first responders during 9/11. the firemen, national guard and other military groups, medical care, search and rescue, i have such immense respect for them. so many of them either died or were extremely injured. so many people across the country got together to help. i was reading today about LDS missionaries that were in NYC at the time and things they did to help. I don't know about other groups and what they did, but I know for certain that other religions and charities and other groups were doing what they could. Other countries helped us. Donations were sent to us, people came to help. Even countries whose governments didn't have a lot to give tried to help. It was years ago and I don't want to find where I found it, but I read somewhere that some African(?) country donated cows to America because that's a common sort of thing in their country.

And now, twenty years afterwards, we have not forgotten. One of my earliest memories in school was learning about 9/11, having a book read to me about the twin towers. Today I've seen so many posts on Facebook about it. So many have done different things to remember 9/11. I think my favorite was BYU having a thing where people walked up the stairs at the stadium enough times to equal how far the firemen had to climb in the twin towers. I've seen so many videos of the crashes into the towers (I'm still in shock after seeing them). I can't do anything like that right now, what with today being my student orientation and having no time. Which is why I'm writing posts about 9/11, because that is what I can do to honor those that died.

And I'm sorry, this is probably nonsensical. This is a really sensitive topic for me, so it's hard for me to be coherent, especially in the parts where I cried. So sorry if this makes no sense. But I just had to let it out.

[shrinkthisviolet]

Author Interview Tag!

Tagged by @maipreciation, thanks for thinking of me! This looks really fun :D

(Note: I’m keeping this as a running list, so if you’re ever wondering what fics im working on/brainstorming, make sure to check here! Last update was on 12/12/2020)

Name: Lavi! As of 12/5, I’m no longer going by my real name (see this post)

Fandoms: so many 😂 check my bio, I think I have them all listed. I’ve posted fic for Hamilton and ATLA, and then there was a huge Inktober compilation I posted last year with a whole host of fandoms. Currently, my major fandom is ATLA, and probably Kipo as I’m starting to move through S1

Where you post: I have an AO3 (lavi0123)! I used to have an FFN and a Wattpad, but I don’t use either of those anymore :/ tbh, I’m embarrassed of anything I still have up there 😂

Most popular one-shot: Most definitely we’ll give the world to you (and you’ll blow us all away), one of my contributions to Maiko Week! I’m not surprised it’s an ATLA fic, but I find it interesting that a fic with Izumi in it blew up so quickly. But hey, if y’all want more Izumi content, you won’t be disappointed 😉

Most popular multi-chapter fic: ...I’m really embarrassed to say because I don’t think I’ll ever finish it...but En Hamilton Heights is the only multichap fic I’ve published so it’s gotta be that one 😂 hopefully soon I’ll have another fic to add to that, since I’m working on one (sorry EHH fans but it’s been too long and tbh I don’t remember where I was going with it :/ I’m thinking I might orphan it)

Favorite story you’ve written so far: you think this world is a dream come true (but you’re wrong) for sure! It’s super niche but it’s something I wrote out of love for a movie I discovered this Halloween and absolutely love. Though all you’ve got to do is want something (and then let yourself have it) is a close second. Basically, anything I write that sounds absolutely bonkers as a concept is one that I love 😂 (and it’s no coincidence that both fics are Mai-centric! I love all my Mai-centric fics nearly equally)

Fic you were nervous to post: Is there an “all of the above” option? 😂 I’m always nervous to post. But in particular, I was nervous for if you ran away (come back home), because it was Mai-centric and longer than any one-shot I’d written thus far, and also you think this world is a dream come true (but you’re wrong), because it’s Mai-centric and a Coraline AU, which makes it BONKERS as an idea

Why was I nervous to post Mai-centric fics, you ask? Two reasons: 1) Mai is very different from who I am as a person (I vibe a lot more with Aang and Ty Lee, sometimes Katara and Sokka), so I didn’t want to upset the Mai stans by writing her incorrectly. 2) Mai is generally not well-liked in the fandom at large, so I especially didn’t want to attract antis who would accuse me of writing Mai as too emotional and loving (which is why I tried to justify that in my tags). Luckily, my comments have all been lovely, and I’m far less afraid to post fics about her now that I’ve written three fics with her as the focus! And the shoutout from @nonbinary-crafter-aang praising my portrayal of her?? I was touched 🥺 still am

How you choose your titles: Song lyrics or movie/book lines that speak to me, occasionally a pun. Remember that post I rb’d about how authors title their works? My tags pretty much say it all 😂

Do you outline: Ehh...define outlining 😂 for my one-shots, nope. But for my upcoming multichap works (see below) and Nanowrimo work (original fiction, so I won’t talk about it on here, but send an ask if you’re curious), YES ABSOLUTELY!

For my Nanowrimo work and one of my upcoming AUs (a Soulmate AU), the worldbuilding is so complex that it’s an absolute necessity. For the other upcoming AU (a time travel AU), there are just too many things that need to happen at certain times so as not to interfere with canon events, and things I want to change from canon and things I want to keep...I think you get the idea 😂

Complete: Basically my entire maiko halloweek series! Check it out if you want some fics about the most underrated canon ATLA couple :)

In-progress: ...En Hamilton Heights again...but not for long, sadly. Still trying to decide between a quick conclusion and just flat-out orphaning it. Still haven’t made up my mind, but either way, it won’t be what I originally planned, unfortunately.

I’m also counting my ATLA Soulmate AU on the basis of forever in my mind (only you), which has the worldbuilding and fits into the AU without much problem (the AU is going to be a series of one-shots, not a multichap fic, because there won’t be enough deviations from canon imo to justify multiple chapters. And one-shots are just less pressure for me 😂)

[EDIT 12/12/2020: added another fic because I’m an idiot and forgot about this too 🤦‍♀️😂 it’s a year-old idea that I started writing but I’m picking it back up thanks to the Heist banter in MatPat’s St Jude stream!]

-A fic series combining Escape the Night and Who Killed Markiplier (Heist and Date are part of it too, but only tangentially at the moment. Depends on how involved I want DA Y/N to be). Tentatively titled A Heavy Cost, and definitely won’t happen in any of Mark’s projects, but in a way that’s actually for the best 😂 the canonicity for me stops at ETN S3 (with some S4), then it’s canon divergence

Coming soon/not yet started: OOOH YESSS HERE WE GO

Okay okay sooo we’ve got two main things:

–An ATLA Soulmate AU, featuring platonic and romantic soulmates! I know I called it in-progress, and I stand by that even though I haven’t actually set up the series on AO3 yet, but this AU is about to be SO MUCH MORE than just a few Maiko moments. Because...drum roll...it’s gonna be entirely Aang-centric (with maybe one or two exceptions)! Like Mai, Aang is a character that doesn’t get as many -centric fics as he should (and being an Aang stan also isn’t unanimous for some reason??), so I’m gonna fix that. Plus I want to dive further into his mind, and I think I’m more equipped to do that than I was with Mai, since Aang and I are very similar in attitude.

–Bumizumi time travel AU, which can be read as platonic until the last couple chapters (it’ll be multichap) but definitely has a romantic agenda throughout. So just. Be warned if you don’t ship them. It’s gonna be chock full of comedy and antics! Also A LOT of platonic affection between Izumi and teen Zuko (and just between Izumi, Bumi, and the Gaang in general), because platonic affection is underrated and also I can :D I’m also probably gonna make fun of how some elements of affection have become solely romantic territory, because...um, no, hugging and holding hands and cuddling can be done between friends, thanks! (Maybe it’s the ace in me talking. But regardless)

There are also vague concepts I’m spitballing, like:

-Zukaang telepathy AU (Platonic Zukaang, the only romance I’ll ever write in ATLA is for the canon ships, prompted by a dream because apparently ATLA lives in my head rent-free forever now 😂)

-Evil Zuko AU (Azula doesn’t exist, mostly prompted after watching Aang make fun of Zhao and realizing that if Zuko had been in any position of power during the War...the Gaang would have stood no chance at all)

-Bumizumi Arranged Marriage AU (Bumi and Izumi both think the other is hotheaded/reckless (Izumi @ Bumi) or uptight (Bumi @ Izumi). So Kataang and Maiko (along with Sukka, Ty Lee, and Toph because...duh) set them up in an arranged marriage, with the presented reasoning being that they already know each other’s families, it’ll be a great symbol of unity, and this way Izumi doesn’t have to worry about suitors. They both agree to it (it’s arranged, not forced), and over time, they warm up to each other...and maybe even...fall in love?? Prompted because we need more arranged marriage fics! On that note, I’m gonna plug shadows and steel by @dearestpartnerofgreatness because arranged marriage needs more rep and this fic does it and with Maiko to boot!)

-Zukaang as Brothers AU (I saw a fic about this, but it wasn’t complete. If it’s not done by the time I get to this concept, I’m gonna write it, because just...imagine the possibilities! Zuko and Aang are already basically brothers in canon anyway, this is just making them brothers in blood as well as in their hearts. This is especially vague because I have no concept of how this is gonna work 🤷‍♀️ I’ll get to it eventually)

(Can you tell I’m obsessed with Zuko and Aang’s friendship? Because I am!)

[EDIT 11/25/2020: I’m adding two more because I forgot these have been swirling around in my head too 😂]

-A fix-it fic based on May You Always Be Satisfied, a backstory fic for Who Killed Markiplier by @blackaquokat! I recently reread it and remembered that I was gonna write a fix-it for that fic. Not because the fic sucks, it’s actually amazing! I’m just a sucker for the main (requited unrequited) pairing, and there’s at least five ways to make that pairing canon and avoid the mess of Who Killed Markiplier. And THEY ALL DESERVE TO BE HAPPY OKAY

-A Finnrey fix-it for the Star Wars Sequel Trilogy (this one is especially vague, and I probably won’t write it since a bunch of these already exist, but it’s fun to think about. Maybe if I ever run out of WIPs 🤷‍♀️)

Upcoming story that you’re most excited to write: I’m equally excited for the Soulmate AU and the Bumizumi Time Travel AU! I’m also excited for my Nanowrimo work to be finished, but that’s more so in-progress than upcoming

Tagging:

@nonbinary-crafter-aang @dearestpartnerofgreatness @ohsalamanders @blackaquokat (no pressure ofc, only if you want to! But please tag me if you do, I’d love to see it!)

[nobettercrowfeather]

fooorest of secrets?

🌲Forest of Secrets -  Make an AU/rewrite for… (free choice for asker)

This isn't very original but I LOVE AUs where Jayfeather becomes a warrior instead, like he wanted, under Brightheart's mentorship. He's named Jayflight after his mother, and Leafpool is both proud Jay is able to fulfill his dreams but also saddened she won't have her son with her 24/7 (I always felt like that was something that brought Leafpool great joy even though they never really mentioned it in the books much, I think?)

This got out of hand and became a complete rewrite I used to keep in my head so here's... more:

Jayflight would work especially well when working as a team with his sibs, I feel. They actually sort of hinted at that in the books, with each of them being 'one of his eyes', so it's just... frustrating that it didn't happen to me :') he wanted to be a warrior, he wanted to have a mate and kits. He even begged Rock to let him live as Jay's Wing so that he could finally have the life he's always wanted. But just because he's talented with herbs and 'useless' otherwise he's shoved into the medicine den.

Continuing on The Power of Three AUs I would've very much prefered Lionblaze to have died in Hollyleaf's stead. Think about it... he's killed 1.5 cats on accident already, and nearly killed his own dad, all in a fit of rage. He struggles with his power making him aggressive. Wouldn't it have been perfect if he was the one to have killed Ashfur? Lionblaze also trained in the Dark Forest, so if HE was the one to protect Ivypool, his apprentice's sister (and sort of his own, since he, Cinderheart and Dovewing worked so close together) and saved her to atone for his misdeeds?

Hollyleaf could still run away upon learning the truth about her parentage, maybe even because she knows Lionblaze killed his clanmate, an unforgivable breaking of the code. Her experience with Fallen Leaves makes her see the code in a different way, namely that they're just a bunch of rules which at some point never existed, which is vital experience for her to eventually become Hollystar. Yes! I think she should've become leader, with Ivypool as her deputy.

Despite Squirrelflight being my favorite character, she shouldn't have been deputy imo (Bramblestar's mate and... too old!). Instead it would've been wonderful if Bramble made his kit his deputy to show how proud he really is of them. He feels bad about not making Jay deputy, but he tells Bramble he never wanted to, anyways.

Lionblaze's kits could have either been born before he dies, or (preferably) they could've been Jayflight's kits, with... I'm thinking Icecloud. Holly never has kits!! That's very important haha. I feel like she's the only she-cat ever to reject the idea of a mate and kits in favor of leadership, and she stays that way!

I'm also thinking Cinderheart might actually take Jayfeather's place as a medicine cat, after Lionblaze dies? Something about it being her own choice... StarClan gave Cinderpelt a second chance at a warrior's life, but I would rewrite her to be very attracted to the life of a medicine cat and for the moral to be that even with an unharmed leg, Cinderpelt would have chosen the path of a medicine cat, since she seemed genuinely excited at the prospect of working under Yellowfang! She might even take over Leafpool's spot considering... I think Leafpool's punishment should have stayed, not because she deserves it, but because there have to be consequences to make the code interesting at all, beyond 1 in every 100 cats going to the DF.

Also... I just think there's a lot of other things that should or at least could have been added... more drama between the tNP cast after settling into their territories, Dovewing and Ivypool's conflict being more satisfyingly resolved, Firestar and Sandstorm being more torn up about all that their daughters are suffering through, possibly some thick rivalry between Breezepelt and Lionblaze, Brambleclaw and Lionblaze caring AT ALL that the DF they used to train in is attacking, literally the entire Dark Forest battle... I would dedicate a full book to that what with there being 11 BOOKS OF BUILD-UP TO THAT....

Anyway, that's a lot, but PoT and OotS would have been my favorite arc if they were A: combined and B: written differently :')

[verifiedaccount]

25 more movies (and one miniseries) you can watch on youtube

I posted 11 movies that are on youtube yesterday (Part 1) but since things are really starting to get shut down here’s more worthwhile movies and a miniseries you can watch for free on youtube right now

Leave Her To Heaven (1945): Gene Tierney is Ellen, a woman whose only crime is “loving too much,” and also all the other crimes she commits to make sure there are no competitors for husband Cornel Wilde’s affections in John M. Stahl’s incredibly lurid and entertaining technicolor melodrama.

M (1931): Fritz Lang’s masterpiece is the basis for every subsequent movie about hunting a serial killer and it’s still the best one.

The Naked Kiss (1964): Here’s the jacket copy from Criterion: “The setup is pure pulp: A former prostitute (a crackerjack Constance Towers) relocates to a buttoned-down suburb, determined to fit in with mainstream society. But in the strange, hallucinatory territory of writer-director-producer Samuel Fuller, perverse secrets simmer beneath the wholesome surface. Featuring radical visual touches, full-throttle performances, brilliant cinematography by Stanley Cortez, and one bizarrely beautiful musical number, The Naked Kiss is among Fuller’s greatest, boldest entertainments.”

Underworld USA (1961): Dave Kehr on the film: “Sam Fuller's harsh, obsessional 1960 crime drama is narrated in the style of a comic book gone berserk. Cliff Robertson is the neurotic hero, bent on avenging his father's death by infiltrating and destroying a crime syndicate that operates under the redolent name “National Projects.” Corruption is all-pervasive in this vision of America, and Fuller disturbingly suggests that only a madman can make a difference. One image from Underworld—of a heavy striking straight at the camera—prompted Jean-Luc Godard to describe Fuller's films as “cinema-fist.” There is no more apt phrase.”

Pickup on South Street (1953): Another Sam Fuller. Here’s Georgia Hubley of Yo La Tengo on the film: “Richard Widmark manages to portray himself as twisted, conniving, pathological, sleazy, tragic, vulnerable, and handsome all at once in most of the movies I’ve seen him in, and never more exquisitely than in this, one of my favorite film noirs.“

Journey to Italy (1954): Richard Brody on the film: “One of the most quietly revolutionary works in the history of cinema, Roberto Rossellini’s third feature starring Ingrid Bergman (his wife at the time), from 1953, turns romantic melodrama into intellectual adventure. [...] From Rossellini’s example, the young French New Wave critics learned to fuse studio style with documentary methods, and to make high-relief drama on a low budget.” 

The Spook Who Sat By The Door (1973): A satirical thriller based on the Sam Greenlee novel about the CIA recruiting a token black agent who quickly realizes they have no intention of letting him advance to a meaningful position and decides to head back to Chicago to teach the black revolutionaries all the latest guerrilla warfare tactics. Despite playing to packed houses the film was quickly pulled from theaters with little explanation and remained out of circulation until a DVD was issued in 2004.  

The Big Combo (1955): Dave Kehr’s capsule: “This 1955 film noir borders on total abstraction for most of its length and then achieves it in an astonishing final scene—a shoot-out in the fog that suggests an armed and dangerous Michelangelo Antonioni. Where the usual noir takes place in a nightmare world, this one seems to inhabit a dream: there's no longer fear in the images, but rather a distanced, idealized beauty. With Cornel Wilde, Jean Wallace, Brian Donlevy, and Richard Conte; the director is Joseph H. Lewis (Gun Crazy).”

The Stranger (1946): Orson Welles’s film concerns an FBI agent (Edward G. Robinson) tracking Nazi war criminals whose search takes him to a small Connecticut town where the local schoolteacher (Orson Welles) is not what he seems. It’s the most conventional Welles film, reportedly intended to prove he could turn in a movie on time and on budget, but it’s still plenty entertaining.

F For Fake (1973): Orson Welles documentary/essay/whatsit about forgers and frauds, specifically Elmyr de Hory, who became famous as an art forger because instead of forging existing paintings he painted new ones in the style of famous artists, and Clifford Irving, who wrote a best-selling book on Elmyr and then was busted for a fraud of his own, the fake Howard Hughes autobiography. A wildly enjoyable, incredibly edited, one of a kind mindbender.

Citizen Kane (1941): It’s Citizen Kane. You just have to put up with hardcoded Korean subs.

Detour (1945): Roger Ebert on the film: “Detour is a movie so filled with imperfections that it would not earn the director a passing grade in film school. This movie from Hollywood's poverty row, shot in six days, filled with technical errors and ham-handed narrative, starring a man who can only pout and a woman who can only sneer, should have faded from sight soon after it was released in 1945. And yet it lives on, haunting and creepy, an embodiment of the guilty soul of film noir. No one who has seen it has easily forgotten it.”

A Woman Under The Influence (1974): Dave Kehr: “John Cassavetes's 1974 masterpiece, and one of the best films of its decade. Cassavetes stretches the limits of his narrative—it's the story of a married couple, with the wife hedging into madness—to the point where it obliterates the narrator: it's one of those extremely rare movies that seem found rather than made, in which the internal dynamics of the drama are completely allowed to dictate the shape and structure of the film. The lurching, probing camera finds the same fascination in moments of high drama and utter triviality alike—and all of those moments are suspended painfully, endlessly. Still, Cassavetes makes the viewer's frustration work as part of the film's expressiveness; it has an emotional rhythm unlike anything else I've ever seen.”

Opening Night (1977): Another Cassavetes masterpiece, again starring the great Gena Rowlands, with Gena as an actress mentally disintegrating as she tries to prepare for an upcoming play. Easier to start with this one than A Woman Under The Influence. Richard Brody on the film: “Though there isn’t a movie camera anywhere to be seen—and Cassavetes, with his tightly sculpted, uninhibitedly intimate images, is a master of the camera—Opening Night captures with astonishment and boundless admiration the uninhibited ferocity of the art that brings life onto the screen. (In fact, Cassavetes had originally planned to take the role of the play’s director.) It’s one of the greatest tributes ever paid by a director to an actress.“

Magnificent Obsession (1954): It’s not necessarily Douglas Sirk’s best technicolor melodrama but this adaptation of Lloyd C. Douglas’s ridiculous bestseller is the most melodramatic one. From Cine-File: “Produced in the wake of Henry Koster's CinemaScope adaptation of Douglas' THE ROBE, Sirk's 1954 remake of MAGNIFICENT OBSESSION is, by any standard, an absolutely batshit movie. (It's the kind of film where a lecture about the radical power of kindness compares the crucifixion of Christ to the act of turning on a light bulb.)  It's not so much an adaptation of Douglas as a third-hand amplification of his aura. "Ross Hunter gave me the book," Sirk recalled, "and I tried to read it, but I just couldn't. It is the most confused book you can imagine.” As Geoffrey O'Brien asserts in his essay for the film's Criterion release, Sirk earnestly examines that which he admits to finding absurd, forcing such questions as, "What if this weren't crazy? What if it were real? What sort of a world would that be, and how different would it be from the one we inhabit?" Therein lies the genius of Sirk's glorious melodrama, one certainly worth seeing in all its Technicolor magnificence.

All That Heaven Allows (1955): Geoff Andrew on the film: “On the surface a glossy tearjerker about the problems besetting a love affair between an attractive middle class widow and her younger, 'bohemian' gardener, Sirk's film is in fact a scathing attack on all those facets of the American Dream widely held dear. Wealth produces snobbery and intolerance; family togetherness creates xenophobia and the cult of the dead; cosy kindness can be stultifyingly patronising; and materialism results in alienation from natural feelings. Beneath the stunningly lovely visuals - all expressionist colours, reflections, and frames-within-frames, used to produce a precise symbolism - lies a kernel of terrifying despair created by lives dedicated to respectability and security, given its most harrowing expression when Wyman, having given up her affair with Hudson in order to protect her children from gossip, is presented with a television set as a replacement companion. Hardly surprising that Fassbinder chose to remake the film as Fear Eats the Soul.“

Written on the Wind (1956): Dave Kehr:  “One of the most remarkable and unaccountable films ever made in Hollywood, Douglas Sirk's 1957 masterpiece turns a lurid, melodramatic script into a screaming Brechtian essay on the shared impotence of American family and business life. Sirk's highly imaginative use of color—to accent, undermine, and sometimes even nullify the drama—remains years ahead of contemporary technique. The degree of stylization is high and impeccable: one is made to understand the characters as icons as well as psychologically complex creations.“

His Girl Friday (1940): Geoff Andrew’s capsule: “Charles Lederer’s frantic script needs to be heard at least a dozen times for all the gags to be caught; Russell’s Hildy more than equals Burns in cunning and speed; and Hawks transcends the piece’s stage origins effortlessly, framing with brilliance, conducting numerous conversations simultaneously, and even allowing the film’s political and emotional thrust to remain upfront alongside the laughs. Quite simply a masterpiece.“

Bringing Up Baby (1938): Ignatiy Vishnevetsky on the film: “Possessed by an overwhelming sense of comic energy, Howard Hawks’ screwball masterpiece heaps on misunderstandings, misadventures, perfectly timed jokes, and patter to the point that it’s easy to overlook how rich and fluid it is a piece of filmmaking, effortlessly transitioning from one thing into the next.”

Underworld (1927): Dave Kehr: “The first full-fledged gangster movie and still an effective mood piece, this 1927 milestone was directed by the master of delirious melodrama, Josef von Sternberg. George Bancroft is the hard-boiled hero, granted tragic status in his final sacrifice. Ben Hecht wrote the script, and many of the same ideas turn up, in a very different moral context, in his screenplay for Howard Hawks's 1932 masterpiece, Scarface.“

Q - The Winged Serpent (1982): In Larry Cohen’s cheapo classic, Quetzelcoatl terrorizes New York. Michael Moriarty plays a bumbling, unlucky small time crook (the robbery he participates in goes hilariously wrong; losing the keys to the getaway car is just the start) who accidentally discovers the monster’s nest and realizes he’s stumbled into the opportunity of a lifetime. He’s willing to help the authorities, including cops played by David Carradine and Richard Roundtree, but they’re gonna have to pay for it. Very goofy and very fun.

Stalag 17 (1953): Billy Wilder’s classic mixes POW drama with comedy as a group of prisoners in a German POW camp try to figure out who in their barracks is a rat while they plan their escape.

Hellzapoppin (1941): Ignatiy Vishnevetsky:  “The opening reel may be the most manic stretch of go-for-broke gonzo comedy to come out of studio-era Hollywood, with the zoot-suited duo of Olsen and Johnson introduced tumbling out of a New York taxi into the bowels of hell (“That’s the first taxi driver that ever went straight where I told him to!”) in the midst of a musical number about how “Anything can happen / And it probably will.” Dozens of throwaway gags—including the first Citizen Kane reference in film history—and an argument with the projectionist (once and future Stooge Shemp Howard) follow, before the movie snaps into something vaguely resembling sanity. From there, Hellzapoppin’ finds Olsen and Johnson wandering in and out of a musical comedy that’s seems to be on the verge of falling apart and tussling with such comedy ringers as Martha Raye and Mischa Auer, the latter cast as a real Russian nobleman who’s trying to pass as a fake Russian nobleman. It’s like a Marx Brothers movie playing at triple speed; it eludes easy summary—it’s a real “you have to see it to believe it” kind of movie—and often stretches the limits of the Production Code. True to its absurdist sensibility, Hellzapoppin’ ended up getting nominated for an Oscar by mistake, for a song that doesn’t appear in the movie.” 

Outrage (1950): Directed and cowritten by Ida Lupino, this was one of the first Hollywood movies after the implementation of the production code to deal with rape and one of the first to tackle its psychological aftermath (the censor office actually made them take the word “rape” out of the script so it’s never uttered in the film). Richard Broday on the film: “Outrage is a special artistic achievement. Lupino approaches the subject of rape with a wide view of the societal tributaries that it involves. She integrates an inward, deeply compassionate depiction of a woman who is the victim of rape with an incisive view of the many societal failures that contribute to the crime, including legal failure to face the prevalence of rape, and the over-all prudishness and sexual censoriousness that make the crime unspeakable in the literal sense and end up shaming the victim. Above all, she reveals a profound understanding of the widespread and unquestioned male aggression that women face in ordinary and ostensibly non-violent and consensual courtship.“

The Hitch-Hiker (1953): Another Ida Lupino joint, this one a lean and mean film noir. J. Hoberman on the film: “The “Hitch-Hiker” script, written (uncredited) by the socially conscious journalist Daniel Mainwaring, was inspired by an actual case: Two buddies (Frank Lovejoy and Edmond O’Brien) pick up a murderous psychopath (William Talman) who forces them to drive him to Mexico. It’s a brutal story handled by Ms. Lupino, one of Hollywood’s very few female directors, with the same steely determination and emotional sensitivity found in her strongest performances.”

And the miniseries:

The Singing Detective (1986): Here’s the entry from the BBC’s list of the top 100 British television programs, where it placed number 20: “For many Potter's masterpiece, this extended six-part filmed drama series mixes flashback and fantasy to create a psychological profile of a writer of detective fiction hospitalised by a crippling skin disease. Though not, the writer stressed, autobiographical, the drama features many elements from both Potter's own life (the disease, the childhood setting) and his body of work (particularly the use of popular music from the war years). As usual with Potter, it also caused controversy at the time for the frankness of its sex scenes, though its position as one of the most challenging and inventive of all TV dramas is secure.“

[mysterythecat]

A Death In The Family

Many years ago, I was so inspired by @atlinmerrick and @221b-hound, that I was certain I wanted to write fabulous stories like they did.  Little did I know that I actually needed some talent to do so. lol!  They encouraged me and I came up with this. https://archiveofourown.org/works/1168205  .  I’m hippiechick on AO3.

In the meantime, I picked up a book called 642 Things to Write About. One prompt was ‘A death in the family.’ This is what I wrote.  (I found this in a notebook when I was straightening up my desk the other day.) It explains my tumblr name.

Mystery was a little kitty I adopted from the pound.  She was special needs because she had an injury when she was brought in and no one knew what had happened, ergo her name.  Her tail had the better part of the fur stripped off it about 1/3 the way up from her butt.  When I got her, it was wrapped in bandages and I never actually saw it.  The vet tried to heal it but nothing seemed to work.  After a few weeks, I made the decision to amputate Mystery’s tail. It would have been a long plume if the top part was any indication.  But it just wasn’t meant to be. Mystery recovered quite well from the procedure and once her fur grew back, most people mistakenly thought she was a Manx. Her poorly healed pelvis began to cause health issues and Mystery spent a few cumulative weeks every year of her life at the vet’s.  But the other days spent with me, Pete and Jeepers were peaceful, fun, and loving.

One January evening in 2010, I knew Mystery wasn’t feeling well.  When she was beginning to have issues, she would crawl up on my chest and curl up under my chin.  She was only a small 8 pound kitty so it was a cozy fit. As I sat on the sofa trying to comfort her and planning my next day around getting her to the vet, there was a sub-sonic rumble that could only mean one thing.  A small earthquake rocked the house.  It was very quick, more like a truck out on the freeway but you learn to tell the difference quickly! All the cats looked up, then went back to what they were doing.  Mystery snuggled closer. 

 Around 11 pm, I headed to bed.  By that time, Santa Ana winds had started blowing, adding an eerie sound and feel to an already stressful night.  Normally, Mystery would jump up once I got settled, and settle herself on my stomach.  At some point I always roll onto my side and she would do a little log-roll walk along with me.  This night, she nestled on my tummy, but didn’t move when I started turning over a few minutes later.  I reached out from under the covers to pet her and ask what was wrong.  She was completely limp and lifeless.  I sat up and cuddled her for a while to be sure of what was going on.  Mystery had snuggled up with me and taken her last breath.  I know I cried for a while and Jeepers looked on. It was now close to midnight on a cold windy January night.  What to do with her little body so that ornery, territorial Jeepers didn’t tear her limb from limb. So I found an old pillow and a piece of warm flannel sheet to wrap her in and made her as comfortable as I could in the extra shower stall--just in case she woke up.  You must always have hope, even when you feel the warmth draining away.

I remember sitting on the sofa for a while not really doing anything--just contemplating mortality, I suppose.  I remember writing a little epitaph on FB, planning where in the garden to bury her (under the pink bougie), and wandering around the house aimlessly.  Eventually I went to bed and slept poorly.  The next morning, she was still where I had put her so I began to accept that Mystery was really dead.

I went to work and somehow made it through the day.  My students were mostly kind and understanding.  I got home, dug the hole under the bougainvillea, wrapped Mystery in a piece of the blanket that had become shrouds for all those that went before her.  I put in some treats and a few toys, wrapped her carefully and put her into the ground, from whence we all come and to which we all must return (except James Doohan who got shot into space--lucky dog!) Couldn’t tell you what I said, but most likely I thanked her for being the sweetest little kitty I had ever had and probably apologized for the tail thing and not taking better care of her.  But I don’t think she had a bad life.  She was much loved and she loved in return.  What more can we ask for those in our care that are unable to care for themselves.  Her collar and nametag still hang on the fridge 4 years later, as does my favorite picture of her. She was a good girl and I still miss her.  RIP Mystery.