#but there’s so many of them that they can’t all fall into the archetypes y’know?

[zippityzap]

Thinking about it, most of the Eggman/Robotnik henchmen across different iterations of him fall into one of two categories: two dipshits, or an abused smart guy who either really loves or really hates Robotnik

[dylanhawth]

[ LORENZO ZURZOLO, CISMAN, HE/HIM ] shh ! DYLAN HAWTHORNE, the TWENTY year old SECOND year ANTHROPOLOGY major from HARTFORD, CT is known as a TOURMALINE  around here. HE was invited to join because HE PUBLISHED A COLLECTION OF SHORT STORIES ANONYMOUSLY THAT GARNERED A BIT OF FOLLOWING AND RECENTLY STEPPED FORWARD AS THE AUTHOR, and now, they’re here to stay. HE reminds me of THE NERVOUSNESS OF A FIRST KISS, LEAVING SECRET MESSAGES IN LIBRARY BOOKS, DRIVING AIMLESSLY WITH THE WINDOWS ROLLED DOWN ON A WARM SUMMER NIGHT WHILE THE RADIO HUMS A PLAYLIST CURATED FOR YOU BY YOUR BEST FRIEND.

[ big ass bio ] | [ connections ] | [ pinterest ] | [ playlist ] 

ooc. 

omfg hello. i can’t tell you how excited and happy i am to be here. i was too nervous to apply for the last three months but i decided to stop being a Coward and just try. im SO happy to be here, it’s the highlight of my week tbh lmao. anyway i am mar, she/her, 24, est. i live in nyc and all i do is visit the planetarium and cry. i’m so fucking bad at these so im just gonna LIST things and hope you get the vibe. i am a pisces sun, scorpio moon. i prob have a napoleon complex a little bit lmao. my favorite social media site is goodreads and i get rlly sad when my friends rate books i love poorly dfljskdfs. i can touch my tongue to my nose. i eat a lot of persimmons. i have a favorite rock at my local park that i visit a lot. idk dfskjls. i’m v friendly tho so pls hmu. i send a lot of memes, and love making meme edits for the chars so im rlly sorry in advance if you guys hate that. 

01.      basics.

NAME.   dylan h. hawthorne. ALIASES. dyl, hawth.   AGE.  twenty. HOMETOWN. hartford, ct. GENDER.  cismale. PRONOUNS.   he/him.

 02.      appearance.

EYES.   green. HAIR.   brown. HEIGHT.   6”0 BUILD.   lean. BIRTHMARKS   /   BURNS   /   SCARS.   a birthmark the shape of australia on his left thigh. TATTOOS.   n/a. PIERCINGS.   n/a.

03.      habits.

ALCOHOL   ?  socially. SMOKING   ?  socially. HABITS.  fidgets in chairs. cracks knuckles and back often. nervous laughter. chewing on pencils. talking to his plants. dogearing books. staring off into space and applying chapstick for a prolonged period of time. getting overly competitive about boardgames. stress cleaning. carries a book in his bag always. night owl. incredibly impatient when the internet is slow. creature of habit when it comes to menus, orders the same shit over and over again. LIKES.   feeding the ducks at the local pond. the smell of the earth after a rainstorm. the way music sounds coming from another room. kissing. watering his plants. inside jokes. making wishes in fountains. discussing a recently finished book with someone. making handmade cards for friends on their birthday. fireworks. coming of age films. packages wrapped in twine. jogs. the way friday nights feels when you’re with someone you love. the feeling you get leaving the movie theatre. DISLIKES.   being late. having too many coins on him. coffee with no sugar. when people speak loudly in the library. doing laundry. handshakes with too much squeeze. receiving voicemails. untidiness. golf. charles dickens. lectures with no student input. hot weather. confrontation. being caught in a lie. losing his umbrella. people who cheat during games. rainboots. bad table manners. humidity.

04.      personality.

MYERS-BRIGGS.   infp. ENNEAGRAM. the helper. ZODIAC.   pisces. TEMPERAMENT.   melancholic. ALIGNMENT.   neutral good. ARCHETYPE.   the lover. POSITIVE.   empathetic. sensitive. intelligent. charismatic. easygoing. gentle. loyal. passionate. romantic. humble. supportive. gregarious. playful. diligent. NEGATIVE.   deceitful. gullible. finicky. naive. obsessive. perfectionistic. secretive. timid. possessive. weak-willed. indecisive. cynical. indulgent. summary: basically, dylan is a love starved, people pleasing nervous wreck. big ass nerd who wants to be everyones friend, wants to be liked SO BAD. very charming and charismatic, comes off as fairly confident and comfortable at first. is able to make everyone feel loved and like they’re the most important person in the world, however lacks a backbone. is both romeo and juliet, and just as dumb as both of them too. 

05.      hc’s.

dylan was a football player in high school, believe it or not. he was rather good at it too, which is sort of jarring considering his pacifistic nature. however, he DID land on someone incorrectly at some point during his senior year, and broke their wrist. he quickly abandoned the sport altogether because of how guilty he felt. 

touched on this briefly but dylan really… loves indiana jones lmao. like, it’s quite ironic given his absolutely inability to be a badass, and lack of suaveness. however, he admires indy’s lust for adventure. he also was obsessed with the mummy as a kid. both of these were incredible sources in his very irrational decision to sudden anthropology. however, he does really love and admire anthropology. his favorite ethnography is the spirit catches you and you fall down, which makes him cry like a little bitch every time he even thinks about it. 

he’s the second oldest, but he is also baby. he is SUCH a big momma’s boy. he misses his mom so much. he writes to her often, and of course calls her even more. despite being six-foot tall, he still goes home and rests his head on his mother's lap, falls asleep as she runs her fingers through his hair. he often tries to find native english plants and flowers to press, and mail back to his mother in the form of bookmarks. has nEVER STEPPED ON A CRACK IN HIS LIFE, BABY.

just leaves a shit ton of notes in books in the library. some are riddles, some are poetry, some are commentary on the book, some are doodles. just depends on how he’s feeling for that book. he doesn’t tell anyone he does it, but he’s waiting for someone to connect the dots with his handwriting and writing style. 

speaking of plants, his room is basically a big greenhouse. he has so many plants, and takes serious care of them all. he has a little humidifier in his space for them, marks down when he waters what plants, and has a label maker to label them all with a name. they are all named after shakespeare characters. 

dyl is a doodler, so much so that he contributes to the school paper as a cartoonist. his cartoons are usually just random thoughts he has, but sometimes they get political and he works marxism into them. (this man loves marx.) 

[ suicide implied tw, death mention tw ] he dresses like a victorian boy in love with his roommate who has recently died of scarlet fever and in his mourning, plans to disappear in the bog by the school by mysterious circumstances and become a ghost that haunts the college with his lover. like lots of gray and slacks and ties ands ties and sweaters, lol. also he has glasses that he never wears because he can never find them! catch him squinting in your classroom because he can’t see SHIT. too shy to ask you for your notes though, doesn’t wanna inconvenience you! but when he’s Out on the Town®, he fucking wears like, tacky patterned shirts that are expensive but ugly. someone please help him. 

all about fun socks! he loves owning socks that have dumb little images on them. if you get him a pair of fun socks, he’d absolutely go nuts. his entire week: made. 

he leaves his roommate limericks when he senses they are sad. tapes em to the bathroom mirror or leaves them in the fridge. also loves buying people presents. tiny ones. like haunted looking things from second hand stores, or your favorite chocolate. also is the sort of friend that has EVERYTHING in his bag, in case someone cuts themselves or has a headache. can be a bit of a mom himself. it’s the little things, y’know? 

prob still in his emo phase. listens to way too mcr to not be lmao.

eco-friendly king, will not stand for you not recycling. 

if you will allow him, he will attempt to have a secret handshake with you. he’s a child. is dying for someone to memorize the parent trap handshake and indulge him. 

cannot sit still in a chair. fidgets an excessive amount, the bobbing of his knee and the squirming around. it just never ends. 

bi. that’s the hc.

he’s a little bit in love with everyone he meets if you couldn’t tell, and it’s fucking disastrous. 

he is based loosely off: patroclus ( the song of achilles ), ponyboy curtis ( the outsiders ), laurie laurence ( little women ), eduardo saverin ( the social network ), remus lupin ( hp ), oliver marks ( if we were villains. ) 

( @opalsmedia​ )

[inkdemonapologist]

Who’s your favorite three characters of your batim crew

THIS IS…. SURPRISINGLY CHALLENGING….

because like, my Big Fav is obviously Sammy, for, uh, unfathomable reasons. I guess…. Sammy has a lot of potential, I feel like. There’s a lot of interesting contrast in the different things we know about him and the different states we see him in that makes him fascinating to try to put together, even though I suspect he’s just a big mess. He also falls into a lot of archetypes I enjoy….. like you have someone who starts out an overworked and frustrated second-in-command asshole who’s bad at people and then he ends up with a secret supernatural addiction which transforms him and he becomes a loyal and desperate servant to a violent monster, whom he follows with strangely genuine devotion, doomed to be inevitably betrayed??? wow, uh, that sure is, aimed right at me!!! THAT SURE IS A LOT OF DISPARATE THINGS I SPECIFICALLY LIKE THAT YOU MANAGED TO SHOVE INTO ONE CHARACTER SOMEHOW??? THANKS!!!!!!

After Sammy I have a real hard time narrowing it down between Norman, Susie, and Joey Drew.

I don’t actually know why I like Norman. I just think he’s neat!! He’s such a weird combination of factors; like this freaking cryptid guy but he’s not actually scary or dangerous, he’s just a snoop. He’s digging into all the Studio’s secrets and “sees everything” but not because he’s like, invested in bringing down the studio or wants to expose any of it or sees the horrors and wants to rescue people, he’s just …curious???? He just wants to be unnoticed and grab some popcorn and watch and like, just wants to know what’s going on???? lmao what an INCREDIBLE premise for a character. His flippant/morbid sense of humour is the icing on the cake. I love him. What the heck. How did this happen.

Susie is a character where I feel like I got attached to her because of the headcanons I’ve pondered moreso than the canon on its own; in between the tiny amounts of canon Susie info and the behaviour of the Alice/Susie combo — how much is Alice and how much is Susie is like…. EXTREMELY UP TO INTERPRETATION I FEEL LIKE? You can get SO MANY different characters out of this that are all technically canon compliant, but my favourite is a Susie who’s both genuinely sweet and also genuinely sharp, where the ruthlessness doesn’t all come from Alice, it’s just pushed to a, y’know, cartoonish extreme. Susie absolutely deserved better, but I find her most interesting when her story is a tragedy in the sense of tragic flaws — she was tricked, but her unwillingness to let Alice go, to take “no” for an answer, and her willingness to go to extremes to get what she wanted, were her undoing just as much as Joey’s manipulation, and those are the qualities Alice seizes on to make her a monster in the pursuit of being perfect.

Joey Drew is one of the few characters in Bendy and the Ink Machine that I would genuinely say is a REALLY GOOD CHARACTER in the canon without any help from fan interpretation. It would be SO EASY to just make him an evil capitalist, but they keep NOT DOING THAT? Despite it being literally written on the walls throughout the whole game that everything is his fault and everyone who remembers him resents what he’s done and every audio log incriminates him, even the ending of BatIM doesn’t solidly treat him as a villain, it’s just... an old man, admitting regrets, but without directly apologising. DCTL makes him both incredibly skeevy and incredibly…. human? Thedreamfisher’s review of DCTL has what’s still one of my favourite quotes about Joey Drew — “He finally exhibits some good qualities, but he’s working very hard to undermine them all.” They keep adding more and more detail to Joey’s life and motivation without easing up on how much harm he’s done and the ways he uses people. Like…. I can’t believe we’ve gotten this far, this much extra information about this character, and they still absolutely refuse to fully condemn or redeem him. I LOVE IT??? Joey is so many things all at once -- his dreams are genuine. His persona is fake. He’s manipulative. He’s well-intentioned. He wants to make things better and bring something great into the world. He will ruin and kill people to achieve that. If we had to make an 8 hour drive and you needed me to talk the entire drive to keep you awake, I’m pretty sure I could spend the entire time talking about Joey Drew.

Anyway, uh, that’s probably a close enough answer. My 3 favourite non-Sammy characters are — for now! — Norman, Susie, and Joey.

[incarnateirony]

"That's Not What The Show Is About"

Be that romance, family, or ethics -- we've all seen this line. Some of us have even said this line. Myself, never personally -- but even people I know and respect have had their song-and-verse about what they say the show is -- or isn't -- about. It's often thrown at fans of differing thought; sometimes, it's thrown at creators, such as to accuse them of not knowing what the show is about.

So there are several things to approach about this, in the end. What a show communicates to you -- truly communicates to you, that you truly see standing as the message -- is valid. But one has to understand. That's what it means to /you./ You can't determine what someone else receives, genuinely receives, out of a work.

This says nothing of hyperinflation of arguments with angry fans in egregores that are all mad with All The Things. At some point, your interpretation stopped working for you, which is a personal thing to choose to overcome, subvert, to work around amd find answers and alternatives to, to stop watching or yes, to stay ragemad. That's your own agency in play and I've discussed this before, but beyond this disclaimer, not a point of this post.

I want to move forward about when this is thrown at creators.

When SPN started, or before it started, Kripke pitched oodles of ideas, some of which were retired before it ever hit air. And when it first made air, it was the mood and idea of the piece, the concept of monster hunting, that was the draw. Kripke said himself, from his mouth to fandom’s ears, that it wasn’t until a few episodes of watching the natural chemistry J2 had that they realized they needed to focus more on the story of the brothers than the circumstances they battle through as generalized archetypes.

At that point, the show changed what it was about.

By the time season 5 ended, there was already a written moral. They chose family. It was about family. That’s the whole point, right?  But when this show launched, in its first few episodes, it hadn’t been. The creators elected to explore an evolving concept. They chose to explore many things, and fandom often crowed what the show was and wasn’t about, even back then, as far back as the first few seasons. But here’s the thing.

Shows do not have true agency of their own, but rather, the agency of their creators. The fandom’s agency ends at their ability to choose whether or not they like a given show, or what they do within their own digital sandboxes with the content. The fandom does not own the content. The fandom will never own the content. The fandom reacts to the content. You can like it or not like it, but the show is about whatever a creator wants it to be about.

Sure, early on “family” mostly reduced to the brothers. Because uh, y’know, brothers are family. But what “family” means to people and the scope they should take that storyline can also change. How Kripke, Carver, and Dabb see family are not guaranteed to be the same. That doesn’t mean they changed the underlying value even, just the angle and presentation. Yes, adopted kids are family, or potential spouses are family, or crazy aunts are family, it’s all family. But this slavish dedication to, for example, “the show is about two brothers.” I mean, yeah. And it still is. It’s about a lot of shit. It’s multidimensional. But the angle of presentation. But this idea that it’s literally ONLY about two brothers ended... ages ago. It was about family. It was about ethics against dire circumstances. These things still live on.

People can not-like a given angle. But they do not have the authority to yell at a creator that they’ve made the show something it isn’t about. The writer decides what a show is about and how to present it. Personally I see perfectly well how these flowed one concept into the next and stayed true to a very old part of the show, but others don’t. That’s fine. But also if they decided to completely cut the family values out of the show and make the villain the purple tentacle space orcas from planet Xenon, no matter how fucking stupid I would think it is, I’m not entitled to @ the creators and tell them that isn’t what the show is about. Because it is now. The end. It’s now about purple tentacle space orcas against family-less brothers and there ain’t shit I can do about it beyond choose to watch another show that isn’t about fucking purple tentacle space orcas.

I can say I feel it’s stupid. But I also can’t @ people that, for whatever fucking reason, like the purple tentacle space orca shit and tell them it isn’t what the show is about. Because, quite clearly, there’s goddamn purple tentacle space orcas on the screen even if I try really, really hard to interpret them as Leviathan vessels based off of someone making a dick joke. It’s fucking goddamn purple tentacle space orcas now, the end, like it or leave it.

Shows change, they adapt. Some people like the way it adapts. Others do not. Welcome to individuality. Not everything is For You. And hell, there’s a lot -- and I mean a fucking LOT -- of fandom hot takes that I, personally, think are extremely divided from the show. I mean big ones. Mainstreamed concepts in fandom egregores. Never falling into those thought processes and walling them off as absurdism to me somehow kept me from ever being upset with the resulting content or building expectations based on those thought processes, but I guess we’ll just pretend it was unrelated and I was lucky. But just because you build a group of people with a thought process, if that thought process does not pan out long term, that doesn’t mean you’re Right-Er than the creators that are actually making the piece and determining what the show is about. Your vision deviated from theirs at some point.

Fandom needs to understand, ESPECIALLY at the end, we do not own the piece, we do not get to declare what a piece is or isn’t about. Frankly, I want that fucking phrase to die in a salt-and-burn fire under the tongue of Chuck using it in meta-narrative statement like many other fandom statements have been drawn out by him this year. Maybe I’ll get it. Maybe I won’t. That’s cool. It’s not my piece. I can hope for it. I can’t demand it or call it a failure if it doesn’t.

But this idea of possession of the product not only is gonna lead people to a final resolution that they get confused and angry by, it has built angry wings for /years and years and years/ because their imagined ownership and belief in what the show should be continues to diverge from what the show is actually doing. And that’s... not the show’s fault, it’s really not. No matter how mad and blue in the face any of us get, it’s not, and it will never be. The balance of self care on continuing watching/refusing to figure out why we’re mad/not adjusting expectations is a thing for fandom to process as grown adults. The right to not like it is one thing. The idea of talking about creators themselves not knowing what the show is about is not just comedy though -- it’s literally the problem.

Think about it. S’all I ask.

[illfoandillfie]

oh my gosh an increasing chances reading?! can I get one with me and the guys name is Michael and a new deck of your choosing. Thanks babe ily 😘

went with the art nouveau deck because it was already out and i havent picked up any new tarot decks recently but we do got new oracles lmao

Tarot: queen of swords, 9 of pentacles, the lovers, the hermit, page of cups, 8 of pentacles, ace of wands

okay so you’ve probably noticed that there are 2 cards in there that don’t look like the rest lmao. that’s because in this spread the first two cards are meant to represent the querent (you) and their person (michael) and i got a new deck a little while ago which is perfect for describing people through archetypes. SO

you came out as the trickster which is associated with transcending convention stuffiness and predictable behaviour (shadow attribute is manipulating others through duplicity). and he came out as the student which is associated with humility and devotion to knowledge, openness to lifelong learning (shadow attribute is arrogance in the pursuit of destructive knowledge and an unwillingess to translate knowledge into action) 

now to the juicy stuff 

the top three cards represent how your person sees you, thinks about you and feels about you. 

he sees you as the queen of swords. A complex woman but very smart and very capable. The sort of person who doesn’t have the time or patience to mess around. Perhaps a little intimidating but great to have on your side. Strong, independent, perceptive. Basically a bit of a badass. 

with the 9 of pentacles representing how he thinks about you theres a couple of ways we could take it. the 9s as cards haven’t quite reached the completion of the 10s. They’re about maturing and gaining awareness. Recognising changed values and opinions and shifts in perception as you grow older. So we could take this as a message that the way he thinks about you has changed over time. He’s seeing you in a new light more recently. but the 9 of pents specifically is related  perseverance and abundance. So it’s also possible that this just means he thinks about you regularly. 

At this point I would like to make it clear that I don’t cherry pick cards, I shuffle until something falls out and I take it whatever it is. And I want you to know that because the card representing how he feels about you is The Lovers. Obviously this potentially means that there is some form of attraction there or that he feels there could be. And perhaps that’s what the 9 was referring to, he didn’t always see you as a potential partner but he has started to. But, as a slight caveat,  the lovers doesn’t inherently mean anything romantic. It is usually taken in that context but it can also mean other sorts of strong partnerships and bonds. But y’know whatever. 

The bottom row of cards has to do with your chances of anything happening. 

Representing you current chances, with everything how it is right now, we have The Hermit. Nothing is likely to happen between you. It’s a pretty definite card because it’s about solitude and withdrawal and contemplation. This indicates that now isn’t a good time for things to happen.

But the next card, Page of Cups, is how to increate your chances of something happening between you. Like the other pages as well he’s a symbol of messages, so this may be a sign to boost communication with michael, y’know send him a message over insta or whatever. It’s interesting that the page of cups came up because cups are the suit tied to emotions/feelings. and this specific page is seen as a bit of a dreamer, very imaginative. He represents unexpected inspiration so it’s about being open to new ideas, especially when they seem to come from nowhere. 

Finally as some added advice we have the 8 of pentacles and ace of wands. the 8 of pents is about hard work and ambition while the ace of wands is all about new opportunities, creation and inspiration. Funnily enough, both cards are related to passion. The ace of wands is passion like desire and the 8 of pents is like the sort of passion a master craftsman might have for their craft, but still...passion. However you choose to go about trying to strength the connection and increase your chances of something happening, it is going to take some time and probably dedication/commitment. 

Now for your oracles. 

Your moon card is full moon in leo - don’t let pride get in your way. I think that’s fairly self explanatory. 

Your heart card says Deep in your heart you already know the answer. Do what feels right. which is fascinating because...

the first of those two door cards on the left says Intuition - Simple, complex - Words of pain or words that heal. You come to know truth by the way that it feels. Which really just makes me think of that page of cups. So trust youself, whatever your gut tells you is the right thing to do. 

Your other door say Patience - Everything soon will come to light And then you will see things will be alright. And THAT makes me think of both the hermit with his light, seeking answers, as well as the 8 of pentacles. 

You also got the Princess card (You can be your own knight) from my new Believe In Your Own Magic deck which basically means that you have the power to change your situation, you don’t have to wait for someone else to change things for you or make the first move. 

And finally Pond - looking inward/inspiration/uncertainty. more of that page of cups energy I think. 

Lastly, because this isn’t long enough already lmao. I got this deck recently. It’s made by someone I follow on youtube and she calls it a channelled messages deck. The basic idea being that the messages on these cards are either things the deck wants you to know or things your person would say to you if they could. Take it with as many grains of salt as you like I just thought it’d be fun. Also this is like the second time i’ve used them so

So. The message from the deck is You Already Know. Which really fits in with some of those oracle cards. Perhaps you do know what needs to happen or how to move forward and you’ve not put any stock in it or you’ve not realised the truth of it. 

But on to the rest of the messages. 

You are so beautiful, why do you need me? there is doubt and uncertainty here. He sees you as the queen of swords, as independent, and he’s not sure you’d need him or want him. Echoed in Do you think about me too?

I think we should see other people in reverse. He wants you. He doesn’t like the idea of you being with someone else. 

I can’t even look at you right now in reverse. he might be unable to see you in person but he wants to, might indicate he’s been looking at photos. because I just dream and wish for everything... this poor boy lmao big 7 of cups, wishful energy. 

You make me want to do bad things in reverse you make him want to be good enough for you and he wants to prove that he would be. 

[iampikachuhearmeroar]

y’know i think the whole reason i haven’t been bothered to start dating is bc over the years, i’ve just become comfortable with being on my own all the time. like I don’t feel the pressure to always have a partner and I feel like if I ever start dating at any point..... I don’t feel like i’d easily forget who i am and just make myself 1000% like that person. like obvs i have absolutely no idea whether that’d happen or not.

but I just feel like i won’t.... like i would’ve if I’d started dating much much earlier, like in high school, for example.... where i ended up posting a “im so lonely and sick of being single” etc type status at one point.... partly bc i was really lonely at 16 and also bc well... as a joke bc everyone had to post at least one of those statuses during high school lmao.

then there’s also me not just throwing myself at any chance to get fucked by creepy guys like “let me give you sex lessons in the back of my car” guy or bar creeper weasel mcfuck guy..... all because of the pressure that those fucking creepy dudes were giving me bc i kept refusing their advances.... and i also refused to just fuck anyone bc that’s just what you’re supposed to do in your late teens (sex lessons guy) and well into your 20s (bar creeper weasel mcfuck guy) apparently. but no. i have my fucking standards. and those creeps didn’t fucking meet them. so i had every fucking right to continually reject them and stay single.

and besides the point, im just so used to being on my own now that if someone came in to be my partner; they’d have to be fucking okay with me being me.... and except that i won’t give myself up entirely to become exactly like them or whatever. I know who I am (mostly) and why should I fucking sacrifice that for some stupid ass dude????

and also now, i will never take the dumbass line of “oh I’ll fix this dude bc he’s so broken and that’ll fix me too!!!” like i thought when i was depressed and anxious in 2011 and had a really bad and kind of obsessive crush on one of the hella popular dudes in my year at catholic school. because i now know that love doesn’t fix people fully. and if any dude pulls that act on me, im happy to fucking leave as soon possible. because it’s his job to fix himself through therapy with a fucking professional therapist; and not some random woman that they pick up off of a dating app’s responsibility.... to pick up his broken pieces and build him up and all that bullshit that shitty dudes I know share on fb all the time.

anyway yeah. my point is that im happy on my own now bc im so used to being single.... that if I ever started dating I wouldn’t forget who I am and think that I have to completely change myself for the sake of the other person and become exactly like them; like I would’ve when I was younger. and that i also just feel comfortable being single now and that it’d be so strange to have a partner that likes me lmao.... but they’d have to accept me as i am bc I’ve accepted who i am and I won’t change (mostly) for anyone, other than for myself.

like yes I know you change in relationships... and that you learn different things about yourself and other people during the time you spent in those relationships. and I also know that you learn skills like negotiation and compromise etc in relationships. but you also learn 1,000 things about yourself when you don’t date too early...... and don’t fall into the pressure of “hook up culture” that’s so hardly pushed on people from 18-25, bc of tinder becoming huge in the 2010s. you learn 1000 things from all the different people you reject because you realise that you have standards; and that those said people don’t meet them (even if they seem ridiculous to other people). you learn that you’ve kept yourself safe from people that don’t give a fuck about you. you also learn relationship skills in this process as well.

like I learnt from my stalker in 2012, that I could do far better than him and all of his abusive/controlling behaviours and tendencies.... and his constant habit of painting me as a weak and defenceless woman that he had to save & protect all the time. on his side however, i was basically his manic pixie dream girl who had to fix him instead. I learnt from him that neither of those archetypes were desirable to base a relationship on. after all, i was on the road to fix myself.... and if I’d let this bs get to an actual relationship..... i knew it would’ve damn near killed me, and not him.

i knew that “I’ll give you sex lessons in the back of my car” dude was a cunt in 2014...... bc not only did he not care about my sexual safety and not accept any of my refusals for his said “sex lessons”..... he did not respect that i wanted to be called by my either of my names, and not the names that he deemed to be “much easier and more respectful” to have..... because they were both typical white girl names (Gwen or Alannah instead of gwladys or ilona). and then, obviously, he was one of the many guys that were angry at me bc i refused to lose my virginity by 15 like “normal people”. I knew that a decent dude would accept that I wanted to be called by MY ACTUAL FUCKING NAME/S and not ones suggested by them so they could deem me “more socially acceptable” to them. I knew that a respectful dude wouldn’t give me the “you should’ve fucked someone by the time you were 15!!” etc etc lecture that this fuckwad gave me.

I learnt from bar creeper weasel mcfuck in 2017, that again, I could do far better.... but also that his behaviours were fucking creepy and not normal. because surely no honest & decent man would try to confiscate/steal etc a fucking grown woman’s phone in a bar/pub just because she keeps refusing his kisses/grindings on the dancefloor????? and also feels the need to escape his shitty behaviour???? and also because he was angry at her bc she rang someone else to take her home.... instead of wanting to go back to his place???? like a decent dude would accept those choices, right???

I knew by this time that his behaviour of constantly separating me from my friends so that they couldn’t see/hear his disgusting comments and behaviour was manipulative as fuck.... as much as his overly forceful tendency that night; to try and get me to smile and try to control my behaviour to make it look like I was “having fun” on his terms, and not mine..... with comments like: “why the fuck don’t you fucking smile??? why the fuck don’t you look like you’re having a good time??? fucking smile for me bitch!” I knew by 22, that this was toxic fucking behaviour and not a behaviour that I wanted in lover/partner. I knew that if I couldn’t tolerate this treatment during that entire night... then I couldn’t tolerate it for an entire relationship.

I knew in literally the first 3 minutes of talking to him.... where I was supposed to let him look at my phone over my shoulder all the time... while I was banned from looking at his phone except from adding him on fb..... and that he expected me not to be offended by demeaning comments about me doing an arts degree.... but I was then supposed to wholly support him wanting to “study fashion” when he literally dressed like he’d rolled out of a fucking dumpster in the 2000s..... and literally fucking smelt like it as well.... and other troubling shit that I’ve written whole novel-length posts about on this hellsite about him lmao. but you get my point. I knew in these few first minutes to an hour, that he was not someone that I’d like to sleep with/have a relationship with etc etc. we just didn’t fucking mesh. he disgusted me. and I infuriated him by just existing and wanting to leave him behind without a “girl to score with” that night.

I knew I deserved better than him, despite his godawful comments and behaviour and his ultimate belief that I’d stoop so low to go home with him that night and fuck him.... and let him treat me like shit (bc i was scared of him that whole night tbh) for the whole time he did so, was fucking laughable. no. I will not fuck you, man who thinks it’s attractive to tell a woman that “I just can’t help but grab your pussy in that dress!!! bc you’re soooo sexy in that dress! it’s your fault you’re so sexy in that dress!!! fucking kiss me! why the fuck won’t you kiss me???!”. i knew deep down in myself that I could do so much fucking better than him and that i should never go home with a dude that treats me like im 16 and not 22 (at the time). I knew that I would never feel or be safe around this guy, with the way he wanted to confiscate/steal my phone from me and practically leave me completely stranded with him all night... to enforce some monitoring of my behaviour on his watch only, and not mine.

so. to conclude. don’t listen to anyone who tells you that the only way you learn about life is when you’re in a long-lasting & hopefully wholly healthy long-term relationship.... or when you have a long term slutty phase whereby you just date anyone for the sake of dating anyone so that you can fuck around with no strings attached...... or just by being in shitty relationships/shitty situationships; just because you feel like you have to be in them because everyone around you are relationships or going through their 20s slutty phases/situationship phases.

because you learn just as much about yourself and your expectations and standards in partners...... by the way of the people that you reject, and their treatment of you when you constantly rebuff them. you realise your worth and the treatment that you really deserve from the shittiest people..... who try their godawful manipulative tactics on you in the first few hours that you’ve met them physically or talked to them online.

[sweetheart-station]

Hi I love your blog! Could I request a rwby imagine..? Jaune x reader where the reader starts to notice she has feelings for Jaune but knows he’s still dealing with the loss of Pyrrha? ☺️

Ah, thank you for the kind words! I hope I did a good job with this one. It ended up becoming so loooong I’m so sorry - Mod Venus

Believe

Jaune Arc x Reader (REQUEST)

Having a crush is hard.

Having a crush on someone whom you know personally? Harder.

Having a crush on someone you know that you know someone else had a crush on? The actual worst.

One might have never expected Jaune Arc, former resident bumbler of Beacon Academy, to be the reason for such an issue. And yet...here you were. Pining for a boy who had no idea of how you felt.

That was mostly your fault, though. You weren’t about to blame him for your plight. Heaven knows he had enough to deal with as it was; far too much for someone so kind-hearted. It was that exact reason that made it so hard to tell him. With everything you and he had ever known crumbling around you at a charging pace, how on Earth was there any room for such frivolous things as confessions?

“Hey...you ok, (Name)?”

A familiar voice snapped you out of your internal monologue, making you look up at the concerned face of whom it belonged to. Ah, of course it had to be him.

“I’m fine, Jaune. Just lost in thought. Lots to think about, y’know,” you said casually, adjusting the weapon sheath on your back so the strap wasn’t drooping off your shoulder.

Crap, way to be a professional huntress, (Name). You totally look prepared for anything to jump out at you with your only tool of defense hanging like an unconscious koala baby off your back.

Pyrra wouldn’t have been so sloppy.

You shook your head rapidly. You were NOT going to let your mind wander down that path. Absolutely not.

“You sure? You had a kind of weird expression on your face,” he continued. You shot him a smile.

“Really, I’m fine. It’s nothing important. If it were, you’d be the first to know,” you reassured him. Jaune’s face screwed up a bit, like he was trying to decipher any hidden meanings, before it relaxed. He returned a smile and looked back to the road ahead. You mentally breathed a sigh of relief, before yelping as an arm flew around your shoulder and nearly toppled you over.

“Soooo, (Name,) is there’s any chance you still have any of those snacks you packed left?” Nora asked slyly. You raised an eyebrow.

“Yeah,” you replied cheekily. “It’ll be more than enough for when we set up camp tonight...for me.”

~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~

Jaune couldn’t help the smile that rose to his face as Nora whined at you, begging as you just deflected every plea with a playful smirk. It was good to see you socializing, especially after how distraught you had been with the fall of Beacon and the loss of half your team during the Grimm invasion. The last remaining team member had been found, but now was lying in hospital deep in a coma in one of the towns spared from the onslaught.

He empathized so much with you it hurt.

Jaune sighed. He never would have expected you to tag along with his team, but he was grateful you had for a number of reasons. One, you two were good friends despite being on seperate teams; two, you were laid back, but reliable; and three, he didn’t want to imagine you being left all on your own...all by yourself with only the “what-ifs” and “should-haves” there to keep you company.

He knew how it felt first hand. It was awful.

“Jauuune! You’re the leader! Say something!” Nora’s voice snapped him back to the present, making him blink, perplexed.

“Wha?”

“Come on! Surely (Name) can share, right? Don’t you wanna know what kinds of goodies she has stashed?” Nora pressed, staring at him expectantly and waving wildly in your direction. Jaune glanced over, trying not to be intimidated by your cocked eyebrow and deadpan expression, almost daring him to say something. You were a notorious foodie, not one to part with your treasures so easily.

“I don’t know...” he trailed off, perking when you raised your hand to cut him off.

“It’s fine. She has a point,” you said, nodding sagely. Jaune was confounded, but Nora grew excited.

“Heck yeah I do!” She trilled. You continued to nod with fingers on your chin, like you were contemplating philosophy.

“Yes...I can part with some things. I shall share....with Ren,” you finished, leaning over to hang your arm off the shoulder of the man in question. Jaune snorted, Ren let out an “uhhh..,” and Nora gasped dramatically.

“HOW COULD YOU”

~oOoOoOoOo~

The night came fast, bringing the chill of the dark with it. Thankfully the campfire provided some comfort as everyone sat around it, tired but almost too anxious to sleep. Everyone except Jaune.

You bit your lip. This wasn’t the first time the team leader had gone off on his own, but it never stopped worrying you. What if something happened while the rest of you were asleep, with no way of hearing him call for help? What if he got attacked with no one to back him up and by the time you all got there, it would be too late?

You almost wanted to chew him out for it, making you fret so much. At the same time, you wanted to respect his privacy. Clearly he was doing it for a reason, otherwise he wouldn’t be doing it every single time you all slept. He wasn’t some angst-filled loner archetype from comic books and movies. He was Jaune. Goofy, simple, sweet Jaune.

You sighed. You hated when your mind raced like this, like snow building up higher and higher as it rolled down a mountain. Deciding you couldn’t take it any longer, you stood up and turned toward where Jaune had gone. Guess it was time to see what exactly was going on.

~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~

Jaune let out a grunt as he swung his sword, the clang of metal ringing through the air as it sliced through nothing. He gritted his teeth as the soft, digital voice of his former teammate called out more commands. Every jab, counter, and swing just riled him up more, instead of wearing him down like he’d hoped.

He always hoped. He never believed.

He sighed, pausing as he listened to the recording continue, turning from instruction to praise and encouragement. He couldn’t tell if he liked this part or hated it every time he heard it. It filled him with anger and bitterness.

Guilt and regret.

A tiny part of his brain always tried to reassure him. It wasn’t his fault. He would never have gotten there in time. He didn’t even know there was someone strong enough to defeat Pyrra, let alone...kill her.

What could HE have possibly done?

A vein twitched in his neck and he yelled as he swung his sword again, with enough force to make it fly from his grasp and spin in the air before spearing the earth. He stumbled forward, barely catching himself on his knees and shield digging into the dirt from supporting his weight.

He panted, sweat forming on his temple despite the cool night air. How pathetic he must look right now; how fitting for how he felt.

“Jaune..?” A soft, cautious voice snapped him out of his pity party if only for a moment, making him look up to meet your eyes.

“Oh, hey...what are you doing up? And all the way out here?”

“I could ask you the same thing...” You peered around the clearing, noticing the flattened grass from numerous footsteps and the sword sticking haphazardly out the ground. He sighed.

“Nothing really, just...couldn’t sleep,” he replied, running a hand through his hair before standing up.

“I see...” your voice remained gentle as your eyes landed on a nearby log. “How about a seat then?”

He stared at you before nodding, breath returning to normal as he followed you. The two of you let out grunts as you slumped into your seats. For whatever reason he had a hard time looking at you, scared to meet your eyes and see the pity that was surely sitting in them.

“...Wanna talk about it?” you questioned, cautious. He scoffed, though it was hollow.

“Not really anything to talk about. Nothing that hasn’t been said a bunch already,” he replied. He could feel your eyes scowering his face, which might have embarrassed him had he not felt so low.

“...Alright.”

He blinked, managing to look at you with a tired and befuddled expression as you casually offered him a snack bar. The familiar and cute face of Pumpkin Pete stared cheerily back at him from the wrapper: a cereal bar.

“Take it. A midnight snack won’t hurt, right?”

“Right...” he repeated, taking it slowly and peeling back the packaging with a crinkle. You watched as he took a bite before starting on your own. The night air was quiet; only the two of you filling the silence with the sounds of wrappers. It was an odd kind of peaceful, though the lingering tension remained. What was he supposed to say now?

“You know...you’re an amazing guy, Jaune.”

He froze halfway through taking another bite, eyeing you. You continued unbothered.

“Despite how many times you fallen down, which may or may not be a lot,” you quipped, “you always get right back on the horse. I’ve known a lot of people who just call it quits after a quarter of the stuff you go through. And that’s always been amazing to me.”

He stared at you blankly at first, but when he opened his mouth to say something you cut him off with a look.

“And before you say anything, no, I’m not just saying this. It’s the truth.”

“Trying doesn’t mean it works...” he muttered bitterly. You shrugged.

“Trying also doesn’t mean you’ll always fail.”

“It does for me. But what else is new...the only reason I’m still here is because of the team, and I can’t pay them back for that no matter how hard I try.”

“Who said that?”

“Well-“

“If it’s those meatheads from back in school, their opinion is garbage. If it’s you...then you really need an eye-opener. Because no one who matters asked for you to flagellate yourself like this...no one wants that. It’s ok to hurt..but don’t hurt yourself even more. That won’t change what happened in the past, and it won’t help you get a brighter future. The most anyone can do...is just keep trying, until it doesn’t feel like trying anymore.”

Jaune stared. You stared back, no judgement in your eyes, but instead firm belief.

Belief.

He didn’t know when his forehead had found your shoulder, or when the burning in his eyes and the knot in his throat had formed, but he didn’t bother trying to figure it out. Instead, he just sat there, leaning against you like the pillar you always were. You just sat silently, gaze soft as you looked on.

You of all people would understand...of course you would. You too had felt loss, and you too had tried not to make a big show of it despite the concerned faces and tentative questions. And yet...here you were, offering advice that you had likely heard...or even told yourself. Jaune doubted the guilt would ever fully go away...but maybe with you, he could turn that guilt into a reason to do better. A purpose.

A belief.

And he knew the two of you would fight for it together.

-Wow again sorry this took so long but...it turned out so long and it’s been a busy couple of weeks. I should be getting back on track shortly! - Mod Venus

[dgcatanisiri]

*writes up a half page ranting response*

*closes window*

No. I’m not going to get anywhere by doing that. But... GAH...

So, yeah, I’m gonna rant on my own instead of responding to a confession.

So, I’m not making value judgments on other people. I’m not telling them they can or can not like certain characters, certain stories, whatever. I’m not attempting to police people’s way of thinking. All I do with my various rants and ravings, which I try to tag appropriately, is express my views and opinions and at the least try to explain why it is that I am approaching things the way that I do.

So, my opinion: Dorian Pavus is a lousy, reductive character that brought nothing to the table that hadn’t been provided by no less than a dozen, and I’m underselling that point, characters in other media. To say nothing of my dislike of him on a personal level, finding him arrogant and obnoxious. And if this is the quality that BioWare approaches their gay characters, which, based on what happened with both Steve Cortez and Gil Brodie, seems like the case, I DON’T. want them to be writing more gay characters, because they SUCK at it.

My reasoning for this is based on the fact that all these characters have yet to be a character who the player seems expected to walk away from the game, if they must remember one fact about them, is the fact that they’re gay. It’s all that they’re there to be. The gay character. At most, you might be able to argue Steve, that he’s “the widower,” and not necessarily “the gay widower,” but still. What EXISTS about these characters beyond their sexuality? What do they provide, on a character, on a story level, that is not directly tied to their sexuality, to who they are banging and the fact that it happens to be another man?

Dorian? His entire personal quest revolves around his father not accepting him for being gay. Gil? Reduced to his straight best friend accessory and turkey baster. Steve? Exists to be in mourning for his husband, and possibly for Shepard to catch on the rebound. THIS is the caliber of BioWare’s writing for gay men. 

I mean, take a look through my “another angry queer rant” tag. This is something I have LONG gone in on, because that’s their portrayal of gay characters. That’s the approach they take - make these characters have their character and characterization depend on them being gay. Write them in a way that makes it such a big deal that it’s the driving force of their portrayal in the game. 

This is, I’ll be fair, something that I see as being born of generation gap - the writers at BioWare, the people who wrote these stories, came of age in a different era that queer people my age and younger. They grow up with the looming specter of the AIDS crisis. Being gay was something to hide, because it quickly led to a death sentence, either from the disease itself or because the straight people would decide to kill you before you had a chance to “infect” them. While the world today is still a massive work in progress on this front, it is still better than that.

So to a writer who lived through that, even while in the closet, when they do what I tend to think writers do and write to the child they were, the child in need of a role model, they are writing characters who are open and upfront about being gay. Who are making it a core part of their identity to reach back to that child and say “it’s okay.

BUT - there’s always a but - but, to MY generation, to the generations who are coming after that period, instead of coming across as trying to be revolutionary, of having gay characters who exist openly as gay... To these younger generations, it instead just comes off as reducing these characters to no more than their gayness, that ‘being gay’ is all the identity and story and existence they need. Because when you take away the time spent on highlighting their gayness, what story are you left with? What character are you left with? Does this character EXIST in the narrative as a person, or as a walking demand to be seen as a gay character?

And, y’know, to some, that demand is ignored anyway - witness the bi!Dorian mods. Witness the fact that there are mods that make Gil romanceable by Sis!Ryder - like, what are you getting out of that? I say this as someone who romances Gil, but... Really, WHAT do you get out of a mod like that? And the only answer I can come to on that question is that it is this group of straight women who are upset about ANY content they are locked out of on the basis of gender.

But that’s a separate issue for a separate rant. Just bringing it up because it points out that trying to use characters to demand that they are viewed as a gay person... It doesn’t have any effect on someone who is being homophobic. They will disregard that if they so choose. So using these characters as an anvil on the issues of gay people? Not exactly doing much. Meanwhile, as I said, to a new generation, this is reductive.

Like, I see a character like Dorian, I think about what would have happened if he’d been in the media for my teenage “struggling with my sexuality” self. And the answer I reach, the conclusion I come up to, is that, at most, he wouldn’t be a help. At worst, he’d be a dagger - THIS is the example he would have of what it is to be gay... And that’s not him. So does that mean he’s not actually gay? Well, he’s attracted to other guys, so he doesn’t think so. But then... who does he get to look up to? Who is his role model? Because it’s not Dorian. 

That’s what gets to me with BioWare’s portrayal of gay men. In Dragon Age, gay men consist of Dorian, who I just went over, Wade and Herren (by way only of word of god...), who... That’s worse, in my opinion, considering the abuse they hurl at each other on the job, on top of being side characters we are meant to laugh at, and... That’s really about it. In Mass Effect, we have Steve Cortez and Gil Brodie, who, okay, in terms of personality might be better examples, but... Their portrayal in the game basically reduces them to a single element - “my dead husband” or “my best friend wants me to be her turkey baster” - and doesn’t explore them AS INDIVIDUAL PEOPLE, just as “messages” to be delivered.

That’s my representation as a gay person. Joke, reductive, or The Message™. That’s not a good track record.

So this leads me to advocate for the romances to be all bisexual. Because at least then, the characters are not defined by their sexuality. Because at least then, BioWare can’t restrict their Prince Charming style romance to women. Like, stop and consider for a moment. In the last seven BioWare games, not counting Anthem, the four Mass Effects and the three Dragon Ages, how many characters would you say really repeat a single, primary archetype? Like, if you were to reduce a character to a single trope on their TVTropes character bio, which would you pull out to describe a character to someone else so they got the core idea of who this character is? What it is like going through their character arc? Through their romance arc? 

Because at least for me, “Knight in Shining Armor” could be applied to AT LEAST three characters, based on their portrayal in their respective games: Alistair, Cullen, and Cassandra. All three are straight romances. Two are from the same game. Two are the same gender.

I cannot think of a SINGLE gay - or bi - character who I would use that term with. This is a PROBLEM. 

Because, again, as I’ve said repeatedly, BioWare TAPS. THE SAME. WELLS. with their same-sex options. Gay/bi men are sketchy, suspicious, someone on the outside of the dominant society of the places we are playing in. And I’m not saying that this is intentionally done on BioWare’s part, but it’s a pattern of behavior that they are perpetuating. The gay/bi options they offer are variations of the bad boy, and just about ONLY the bad boy - the exceptions are Kaidan and Jaal, who it took fan demand to get them as bi options, and then Cortez and Gil, who, as I’ve already said, don’t get enough characterization to qualify either way - sure, Gil’s probably not a bad boy in the traditional sense, particularly in comparison to Reyes, but... We come back to the issue of “what else IS there to him in the first place?”

BioWare’s portrayal of gay men is flawed at best. I don’t have FAITH in their ability to provide solid queer representation when they are giving us characters of a single set sexuality, because they fall back into these patterns that are painful, are reductive, are... just not reaching the audience that needs more to their representation.

And, as I’ve gone into elsewhere, the romances are ALWAYS playersexual, so that’s really no excuse either, because why would Alistair romance someone who sacrifices Isolde and Connor, his adoptive family? Would Morrigan REALLY come to love a goodie-two shoes who stops to pull kittens out of a tree? No, really, WHY is Liara devoting herself to a racist, xenophobic bastard? The romance options are playersexual by definition, so stop deluding yourself that it only comes into play when the romances are all bisexual. 

[muthaz-rapapa]

A Break Down of All Star Memories: The Good & The Bad

This is ridiculously long so I put everything under the cut.

And I split it into the good and the bad but the good actually outweigh the bad by a lot so no wonder this was the best All Stars movie we’ve had in...wow, 7 years.

On top of that, it really did feel like an anniversary movie and I’m so glad they made that part really count.

WARNING: SPOILERS AHEAD 

Good Points

Story 

Y’know, as much as I loved the DX movies, I admit that their storylines weren’t all that great which is why I suspect Toei tried to change that with New Stage and every other All Stars after. Except when you put new, exclusive characters in the spotlight, you kinda also take (too much) focus away from the Cures, the main reason why I want to watch the crossovers in the first place.

And I can tell they tried to find some equilibrium to that. One where they can develop a conflict and a resolution for said new character while giving the newbie Cures their time to shine. It’s difficult because there are just so many of them that you have to feature, oi. @_@;;;

Not to mention, needing to incorporate those fight scenes and climactic endings...and stupidly nerfing the established Cures to keep them on standby/out of the way until they’re needed for a dramatic entrance later. It’s been pretty formulaic one movie right after the other so by “Minna de Utau”, nothing was interesting anymore.

Then Dream Stars and Super Stars came along with a “smaller” cast but those were also so-so at best because again, it’s hard to break revamp habits and get a coherent flow of events without compromising some things along.

Now we have All Stars Memories and it’s...different.

It’s like any All Stars, the same in many aspects but still...different.

In the good way.

We have a very compelling antagonist this time and the writers did a great job of keeping the mystery about him till the reveal during the latter half of the movie. 

Then there’s Hana/Yell who was absolutely amazing as the central protagonist of this story which I’ll get to in a bit.

Finally, letting Black and White actually share that spotlight with the Hugtto girls. Not as secondary or supporting but, for a while, they were the main characters again. I haven’t even watched their seasons yet but man, did it feel awesome to see them show off their wisdom, experience and badassery as the most senior of all Precure. <3

As for the rest of them, yea, they were nerfed again but it actually makes sense this time because they’ve been turned into babies, for cryin’ out loud, and their Precure memories were taken away.

Naturally, without those memories, they can’t do their Precure stunts.

Very good, Toei. You’re finally learning from your mistakes. *thumbs up*

Anyways, despite them being powerless for most of the movie, we still made the best of their cuteness so all’s good.

Last but not least, the conclusion. For 10 years, 10 years, all the All Stars movies boiled down to almost every Cure transforming to their respective super forms and/or then holding hands together in a circle or something similar to that effect before shooting one gargantuan rainbow-attack at the Big Bad while screaming in unison, “HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!”.

That didn’t happen for Memories and let me say THANK GOD.

If anything, I felt that gently releasing Miden from his suffering was infinitely more impactful than the combined effect of every All Stars group attack in existence.

It was quiet but it moved the heart. And damn it, if it didn’t made you cry as well! No one was immune to tears as they recalled the times they spent with each other. And not one among them wanted to hurt Miden anymore than how hurt he was already. They all sincerely wished, as they made their way up to the top to meet Yell, to set him free.

Which brings me back to what I said in my earlier post, about what this movie is trying to remind us about Precure: you don’t save people by fighting them, you save them with love.

Compassion, not retaliation.

Wow.

Animation

You can immediately tell that Toei spared no expense in making this movie look as fabulous as possible. Whether it’s a fight scene or a light-hearted moment, everything is not only shiny, colorful and bright. It’s polished to the extent that if there was a mistake somewhere, it’s hardly noticeable to even be existent. At least I didn’t notice any flaws while I was watching it.

Moreover, that 3D.

Actually, this should come as no surprise to those who’s seen all the EDs up to this point. They’ve been steadily making improvements in this area for the past few years and there were even times during the movie that I couldn’t tell whether I was still watching 3D or if it switched back to 2D.

They move back and forth between the two formats so smoothly that you literally have to stop paying attention to the story to notice when they make the shift.

It’s so seamless that it left me speechless, to be honest.

Sympathetic, well-written antagonist 

Like I said earlier, Miden is a very interesting adversary in the fact that he’s just as much the victim as he is the “villain”.

Unlike past All Stars villains, he was not motivated by evil or greed. He wasn’t a manifestation of another person’s negative feelings nor was he manipulated or brainwashed into doing bad deeds.

Miden was just an extremely lonely soul who had no way of communicating to people just how much he was suffering because his true form is that of a discarded camera.

And when you learn of his backstory, how the film in the camera was removed because those memories weren’t his to keep. How he spent what felt like ages in the dark being tortured inside out by that hollowness. How eventually he couldn’t take it anymore and turned into a monster in order to find a way flee from that pain. Don’t you feel sorry for him?

I did. I felt so bad for Miden because most people, in their entire lifetime, are lucky enough to never have to experience this sort of thing. Even if your unpleasant memories outnumbered your good ones, at least you have them and can go on to make good ones.

Miden had nothing but a faint recollection that he used to carry someone else’s memories and for years, he could do nothing to change it.

So it’s understandable he’d been driven insane by that.

Also, the fact that his spirit form resembles a teru teru bozu and the significance of the never-ending rain we see when Yell reaches the core of his heart.

Teru teru bozu are believed to have powers to bring good weather (aka make the clouds and rain go away).

But no matter how hard Miden tried to bring the sun back, by stealing other people’s memories and surrounding himself with their brilliance, it still rained non-stop. The darkness still lingered inside him. He may have the light of those memories but the feelings that come with them are not his. They still belong to the owner of those memories. That’s why he’d never be able to fill the void inside him.

It’s not enough to just have. He had to understand what it means to have them as well.

Truly, the portrayal of his character that encompassed all those troubled feelings of his is one of the things that makes this movie so memorable.

The frantic way he moves about, how his eyes creepily open and close like a camera lens and how he even sounds like a deprived ghost starving for something to make him whole again. How you eventually realize he’s more severely unstable (jumping frequently between moods from childishly gleeful to violently angry) than he is outright malicious...

And just how tired and sad he is when we finally learn the full truth about him.

Miden is pretty much a child himself. A very lost child who really needed a hug from someone and for them to tell him it’s alright now and that he no longer has to hurt.

Miden is not human and he may be fictional... but he certainly felt real (bonus for casting Mamoru Miyano to voice him) and in some moments, maybe even realer than an actual person.

Which is why I was so genuinely happy for him when he got his happy ending. I never felt that deeply or related to that deeply about a movie-exclusive character before so I’m glad Miden has the honor of being the first.

Cure Yell/Hana

I’ll admit it, I don’t think I ever officially warmed up to Hana. I’m always wary these days on whether I can accept the genki girl archetype into my good graces and when Hugtto began, Hana was just a little too cartoonish that she threw me a distance away further.

However, throughout this season, I can see the progress she’s made. I saw her grow from simply being optimistic with little to no basis for her confidence (in fact, I believe most of her early cheeriness was just a lot of bravado) into a person who understands that you won’t get what you want right away just by charging into it. In fact, it takes several tries, several trips and falls, maybe even a failure or two before you really find your footing again to press on.

I mean, she’s still the same Hana from the beginning in many respects. Brimming with energy, loud, silly, and prone to exaggerating.

But her development shows how she’s really matured. Before, her reaction to everything always seemed to be “cheer till your throat gets sore!”. 

Nowadays, she takes time to pause and think before leaping (well, in some cases). She’s learned to accept hardship, no matter how hard it is to swallow, while still retaining a strong belief in the future.

And the movie kinda revisits all that development from the show.

Like the part when her entire team gets turned into babies, Hana broke down from all the stress that came with trying to take care of them.

When Precure are fighting, they actually don’t need to think much. They only have to focus on defeating the enemy in front of them.

But this dilemma was new for Hana and much more complicated than beating any enemy. Not even babysitting Hugtan was enough to help prepare her for getting four (ok, three) very fussy toddlers to just stay in one spot.

On top of that, her dearest friends forgot who she was as well and were constantly trying to run away from her because without their memories, Hana was essentially a stranger to them.

It was all too much for Hana to handle and she cracked because she didn’t know what to do. How to change them back, how to get them to remember her, how to stop them from crying. Hana was extremely overwhelmed.

And this scene and the voice acting felt so raw because of how Hana’s hopelessness was portrayed. Even full-fledged adults would tell you how hard this hits home cuz hey, sometimes even they don’t know what to do when the problem get the better of them.

Moreover, like Nagisa said, Hana is still a middle school girl. Despite having magical abilities that enable her to save the day, she’s still a child. You can’t ask the impossible of her. She can’t be a strong heroine every waking moment. She needs a break to deal with her frustration just like anybody else does.

But once she does give herself a moment to cry it out and witnesses the strength of Nagisa and Honoka’s bond, she realizes that just because the current situation is bad doesn’t mean she’s lost anything. She still has her memories of her friends and she still has powers to protect them. And protect them she will cuz that is what Nono Hana would do. The Nono Hana she wants to be.

As long as she still has a future she wants to reach, there’s no hurdle she can’t overcome. There is no reason why she should ever give up.

This is one of the most incredible things about Hana, really. It’s what drew the Hugtto girls to her in the first place and is essentially what won them their memories back and returned them back to her side.

Then there’s the final confrontation with Miden.

Notice how Hana was the the first among the only available Precure at the time to question Miden’s motives for stealing other people’s memories.

Even when Miden mercilessly launched another attack at them after they discovered his true identity, Hana did not lift a finger against him. And when he swallowed everyone whole, she was still trying to figure out what it meant, how painful it was, to have no memories to call your own.

She clung to him, refused to leave his mind even when every other Cure went back to normal and withstood all his resistance to reach the depths of his heart.

In the end, Hana could never understand that emptiness Miden felt because she always had her memories. She never lost them like Miden did.

But if there’s one thing she does know, one thing she can relate to, it’s this: Miden wasn’t satisfied with who he was so he tried his best to become what he wanted to be.

Once she knew that, there was no more reason to fight him. What she needed to do was save him. And that wasn’t by using magic.

It was by easing Miden’s anguish. Hugging him, talking gently with him, sharing with him the warmth he lacked and which she had plenty to give, and letting him know that he can get a second chance. That he can be the Miden wants to be.

Miden can do anything. Miden can be anything.

And she’ll be with him every step of the way.

By now, everybody should understand the reason why Cure Yell was designed like a cheerleader.

It’s not only because Hana shows enthusiastic, outwardly support for the person she’s rooting for but also because when they can’t be at their best, she’ll still be there for them. If you need to cry, she’ll be there to hold you. If you’re in doubt, she’ll try to think of a way out with you. Even if she can’t give you exactly what you’re looking for, she’ll always, always be there for you.

And she’s done a fantastic job at being the heroine she was meant to be.

Good job, Hana. All of us cannot be more proud of how far you’ve come.

Emotional scenes

It’s pointless to describe these moments in words as you really need to watch them to get that resonance echoing throughout your chest and the waterworks flowing.

But this probably being the best All Stars in history (I’m really getting to that point where I can firmly say it is), I think I’m required to list a few. Namely...

Nagisa standing up against Miden, saying all the reasons why he is NOT Yukishiro Honoka and how only Honoka, her Honoka, can be Yukishiro Honoka, and demanding that Miden return the one she loves most in the world.

FutariWa fans, are y’all still alive? 8D

Then of course, Hana saving Miden from his despair.

And the tear-inducing finale.

Again, it’s quiet but profoundly beautiful in a way Precure hasn’t been before.

And you have no soul if you didn’t feel even the least like crying during this part. *sniff*

Insert Song “Rewind Memory” 

This song is beyond awesome and every bit of it pretty much screams “PRECURE!” all the way across the globe.

I mean, lyrics-wise it’s just like a lot of the Precure insert songs before it. Idealistically and generically beautiful with it words. And frankly, when it plays in the movie, you kinda almost don’t hear it with all the action going on.

But the melody and instrumentals? Andand those vocals by the first and most recent Precure OP singers?! The emotions it evokes when you do listen to it by itself?

It’s okay, I’ll cry with you. *hands you a tissue* (;w;)

Baby Precure

Need I say more? I didn’t think so.

Humor

Well, this one’s a given because you can’t make an All Stars entirely dark and sad.

However, I found I was more receptive to the funny bits this time around. Maybe because I really needed a good laugh after all those serious moments? Maybe because it was combined with the cuteness of the babies? 

I dunno but I really enjoyed it, nonetheless. (^ ∀ ^)

Everybody got speaking lines

YEA-HUH.

Everybody.

I mean, not everyone got a full sentence. A lot of them were limited to only one line or even one word and most of it was either yelling out their attacks, their catchphrase (mostly the Pink Cures), their group call, some other Cure’s name, or just a kiai shout.

But yea, EVERY Cure present, for the first time since DX3, spoke at least once in this movie!

Woohoo~! ✽-(ˆ▽ˆ)/✽ ✽\(ˆ▽ˆ)-✽

Interaction among Cures in their civilian forms

Ok, so the last part didn’t have any of them talking with each other but we do see them mingling outside their usual groups and that’s all I can ever ask for.

*sighs happily* I need to go over this again when I do that funny/cute/awesome moments compilation which will also be ridiculously long but hey, can you blame me? This movie is just that good.

ED dance

Dancing and singing in the ending credits are such a staple of the Precure franchise (as much as the fighting elements is, I must add) that any season or movie without them feels wrong somehow.

Perhaps that’s why I didn’t really like Dream Stars or Super Stars outside of the few things I did like in them. Because even if the rest of it is sub-par or even downright awful like Haru no Carnival or Minna de Utau, I can always count on the CGI dancing and singing to be the saving grace for the movie.

Yea, it’s narmy and the songs are cheesy and corny and will give you diabetes and all that stuff but that’s what makes Precure utterly charming.

Without that, it’s just something I want to skip to see if there are any post-credits scene.

?

These are the points I have unsure feelings about. They’re neither good nor bad. They’re just stuck in the middle and I just wanted to get them out for the sake of it.

Panty shots - Granted, I think every Cure is wearing either bloomers or shorts under their skirts anyway but it was so awkward to see it from this angle multiple times during the movie that the silly child inside me was compelled to go “Mommy, look! I can see her undies!”

(;; ^ ▽ ^)

Fourth-wall breaking/Deus Ex Machina (aka Miracle Lights) - Arguably the weakest aspect of every Precure movie in general but since these are primarily aimed at children and the fact that they positively love these gimmicks, I’m not in a position to say anymore than that.

*zips my trap shut* :x

Bad Points

These are just based what I felt were bad. No need to get personal or offended as that was not my intention. These ARE NOT facts, they’re just my opinions.

That one line from Harry - The one where he told Hana to pull herself together when she broke down crying and Nagisa chewed him out for it.

Yea, ok, canon!Harry would NOT say such an insensitive thing like that to any of the girls when they’re down. Harry is NOT that type of guy.

Especially not after he’s been with them for so long so this OOC-ness was quite a shock for me.

I don’t know why the writers seem to hate him but Harry’s always been on the end of somebody’s criticism for the dumbest things. Except this time, it’s not dumb, it’s just plain stupid mis-characterization. 

The fact that Nagisa immediately scolds him right after he says that makes me believe they were just itching to give Nagisa something to say during this situation.

But did you really have to use Harry as a verbal punching bag? Couldn’t you have done it a little more nicely?

Harry’s role was already reduced to being stuck as the talking mascot for 99% of the movie so why you have to write him in a way that would get him bad rep?

Stupid Toei.

Violence against defenseless girls/shock factor - When Miden attacked an untransformed Hana and Nagisa, I really could not believe what I saw with my own two eyes.

I mean, it’s not unbelievable. It’s just that attacking the Cures in their civilian forms rarely ever happens. In fact, I can’t recall a time it ever happened???

So when it happened, I was like “WTF?!!!?!”

ARGH, I’m talking in circles.

But seeing the girls get physically hurt in a way where magic cannot protect or heal them from serious damage afterwards reminded me of when I watched Pocahontas for the first time in theaters. 

That moment when Kocoum got shot? Scared the shit outta me that I couldn’t go anywhere by myself for months. That was the first time I ever saw someone die on screen and it left a scar I could never forget.

So I don’t have to imagine how scary and upsetting it was for the babies when they saw their temporary guardians get blown off their feet right in front of them.

Yea, sure, nobody died here and it triggered Honoka getting her memories back but I’ll always be asking “Did they really have to take it that far?”

...good god, I don’t even want to think how many little kids cried in the theater when they saw this. I hope none of them did. I hope they’re all okay.

...I may be overreacting but I still hope they’re okay.

It’s finished. I’m done. Please don’t let me do this again.

*falls over dead* ◎☆（♯××）┘

[thetygre]

30 Day Monster Challenge 2 - Day #23: Favorite Bad Movie Monster

Alright, so most of these movies aren’t really all that bad; they’re just kind of ‘meh’. But they would have been a lot worse without these cool and/or goofy monsters.

1.       Jabberwocky (Alice in Wonderland 2010)

I am prepared to disclose that Tim Burton’s Alice in Wonderland was not horrible, but 60% of that opinion stems from the Jabberwocky. (The remaining 40%is 30% the other monster designs and 10% lesbian subtext.) The Jabberwocky has always been my favorite part of the Alice mythos (surprise surprise), and not to sound petty, but I have dropped Alice movies just for not including the brilling beast. Burton’s Jabberwocky might not be my favorite, but it has a lot going for it. The way they treat it is basically as Wonderland’s Tarrasque; a living WMD, a legendary kaiju, the ur-monster in a world teeming with dangerous and crazy creatures. The way it wakes up is even a direct nod to Chernabog from Fantasia; they are literally equating this thing to the Devil.

Second off; Christopher Lee.

Finally, when the Jabberwocky meets Alice to fight, he says this thing about meeting his ‘old foe’, ‘the vorpal one’, in battle again. It is made explicitly clear that he is talking about the vorpal blade, not Alice. And that just… I don’t want to say that that changes the entire movie, but yeah, it kind of does. The implications here are that the vorpal blade and the Jabberwocky have fought each other countless time before in the past. The history of Wonderland is just the history of a dragon and a magic sword fighting. Is the vorpal blade sentient? How many times have these two fought? This kind of transforms everything about the setting the movie has established for the last hour and a half. It’s just so filled with so much potential to me.

2.       Torgo (Manos: The Hands of Fate)

Y’know, when you’re in a dark place, you have to find your own light. A source of motivation, something you can cling to to pull you through to the other side. Maybe that’s a dream, a goal at the end of the tunnel, or maybe it’s a hero, someone you can look up to. I’m not saying that Torgo is a hero, but he inspires me. There are weeks at work where I just don’t want to get out of bed in the morning. I come home at night to an empty room and fall asleep alone. It gets hard, is what I’m saying. But you know who never stopped trying, even though he hated his job and was lonely too?

Torgo. That’s who.

Everyday Torgo gets up, throws on his blazer and hat, and he goes out there and busses a haunted motel for a boss he hates. But he does it, every day. And if Torgo can do it, you can too. So you’ve got to get out there and be the best damn lackey you can. You’ve got put in the work to make it to tomorrow. And when the good times roll in and come shining down on you, you take a minute to remember the man who helped you get here. Take a minute to remember Torgo, looking down on you from Cloud No. 9, shedding a tear.

3.       Radu (Seventh Son)

The Last Apprentice series is actually a pretty cool (and grim) series of dark fantasy/horror young adult novels, kind of like junior’s first Solomon Kane. The Seventh Son movie based on the series has piss-all to do with it, and its only redeeming features are some cool monster designs and Jeff Bridges. Of those cool monster designs, the stand-out for me is Radua aka Muslim Dragon Kratos. He’s one of our villain witches chief thugs, and is unnecessarily cool for a side-character. He’s got this whole Nosferatu Zodd code of honor thing, and wields these two chain blades and probably could have been the villain in his own movie.

Now that alone would have been a neat detail, but then he can turn into what I honestly consider one of the more interesting dragons in recent cinema. I talked before about how one archetype of dragons was of being these unholy, scavenger type wilderness monsters, and that’s kind of the vibe I get from Radu’s dragon form. It’s all lanky and feral looking. It has too many limbs, and it walks around like it doesn’t know how. It’s another unnecessarily cool design for such a generic movie, and it’s definitely worth checking out.

4.       Krakensaurus (Jack the Giant Slayer)

I don’t want to be mean and discount Jack the Giant Slayer as ‘discount Ray Harryhausen’, but thems is the breaks, as the saying goes. The movie is kind of charming in how earnestly it plays to being a 1960s fantasy movie, with princesses in pink dresses and warlocks with goatees and a rhyming leprechaun. The movies stop-motion monsters don’t really live up to industry standards, though. But I can’t sit here and lie and say that I don’t have a special fondness for the sea monster at the end. The movie’s penultimate scene sees our heroes trying to escape the warlock’s castle, so the villain summons a two-headed giant (or ettin, if you know your monsters) which looks suspiciously like one of Ray Harryhausen’s cyclopes. Trapped in a sea cave, the rhyming leprechaun trapped in a bottle (roll with it) summons a sea monster to deal with the problem.

Sometimes it’s the little things in life, like watching two weird looking monsters fight to the death. Our sea monster is a blue-green mixture of kraken and allosaurus, and I’m pretty sure its toy had more detailing than the actual moving model. When this guy showed up on the screen, six year old me was hype enough to punch through a wall. I spent the next week drawing pictures of him so I wouldn’t forget him. This movie has 100% more sea monsters and singing leprechauns than The Seventh Voyage of Sinbad, and that almost makes up for its deficit skeleton warriors.

5.       Queen of the Lair (She Creature 2001)

Stan Winston was on the helm for this little lady’s monster design, and it shows. A mermaid queen, it’s hard to tell if her monster form is her real shape or just something she can morph into. Even her basic mermaid form is pretty interesting; the split tails remind me of sirens or tritons. Her monster shape, though, is pure Stan Winston gold. There’s more than a little bit of the xenomorph queen in there, between the crest and the fangs. Someone threw it into a blender with a sea serpent and a viper fish and what comes out is the most badass mermaid to ever slink across cinema. She rips people’s heads off, her tail is covered with bone spikes, and she can sing a siren song to summon up her mermaid swarm. Oh, and psychic impregnation powers. That part’s kind of important.

6.       She Creature (She Creature 1956)

Aforementioned sea monster queen was part of a series of horror films based on old b-movies, so this is the original She Creature. Even today, this is one of my favorite designs from the 1950s. Paul Blaisdell might just be the king of B-movie monster suits, and belongs up there with Ray Harryhausen in the great monster hall of fame. The she creature looks like the sum product of an orc, a lobster, and a scorpionfish. It’s a shame you only see her in monochrome, because her color scheme is a startling mix of green and pink. What I find most fascinating is the concept that this is supposed to represent some parallel evolutionary stage of humanity. This is supposed to be a different version of Homo sapiens that never left the sea. Stan Winston’s mermaid queen is great, but I would still love to see an updated and more articulate version of this design.

7.       Vampire Spawn (Van Helsing)

This raises so many questions. So the crux of Van Helsing is that Dracula needs Frankenstein’s monster to power a force-field that will allow his swarms of vampire spawn to survive past infancy. I bet you thought vampires reproduced by biting people, right? Well, apparently they also have egg-sacs. Just, massive, Aliens style egg-sacs full of bat/human fetus monsters hungry for blood. It’s so stupid that I love it. These things are horrible and adorable; they remind me of chupacabras. I want one as a familiar, or at least statted up for a tabletop roleplaying game. Just really try to avoid thinking about the whole egg-sacs thing and all the implications that brings to vampire mythology.

8.       Emperor Tyrannus (Attack of the Super Monsters)

I don’t… I don’t think I have the strength to really get into Attack of the Super Monsters. When I watched it, liquor was involved. Describing it reads like a parody of Japanese media that involves anime, men in monster suits, and giant robots meant to sell collectible toys. But it’s real, and the realest shit ever is Emperor Tyrannus. Emperor Tyrannus is literally a giant tyrannosaurus rex who is the evil mastermind of an underground civilization of dinosaurs. The dinosaurs talk, because shut up, and Emperor Tyrannus in particular talks with a villain voice that I just can’t really convey through text. I think the closest I can get is saying that he sounds like someone doing an imitation of Brian Blessed while having a stroke. Emperor Tyrannus shoots laser beams from his eyes that mind control the other dinosaurs into being evil, and watches them fight a hermaphroditic cyborg superhero in a drill/airplane. Look, you need to see this for yourself. I’m not doing this justice. Get your friends, find the DVD, and strap in for a wild ride.

9.       Witch Tree (The Last Witch Hunter)

The Last Witch Hunter is another guilty pleasure move where Vin Diesel brings what I’m pretty sure is one of his D&D characters to a movie and somehow ropes Michael Cain and Elijah Wood into it with him. Our villains are, in a surprising twist, witches that cook up some fairly grotesque magic. One of the creatures meant to act as the witches’ guardians is a magical sentinel, and it just goes so hard and so dark for what amounts to a stick golem. It’s the fine details that make this construct stand out. The extra limbs let it move faster and have extra attacks, the jawbones around the front form a crude mouth, and the branch rib-cage makes it look like something that used to be alive instead of something that was just magically summoned. There’s so much work poured into this one monster, and it’s definitely a treat to see it at the end of the movie. Rethink your golems, kids; treat yourself better.

10.   Giant Leeches (Attack of the Giant Leeches)

I used to be pretty intensely leech-phobic when I was younger (and by younger, I mean a couple of years ago), but even then I knew the giant leeches were lame. Incredibly lame. Like, honestly kind of pathetic. I kind of like them out of a bizarre sense of pity. Giant leeches should scare me, but these guys are just goofy. A leech isn’t a hard design; it’s a tube with a sucker on each end. But I am almost convinced that the person who designed these monsters had never actually seen a leech, or possibly even a worm. But the movie still treats them with all the dignity and awe of the Creature of the Black Lagoon. There are prolonged sequences of these guys swimming underwater, floating around like hungry garbage bags. These things are not, nor were they ever, leeches; they are some kind of aquatic octopus or confused anemone. That’s why they need our love, our protection; because they’re too stupid to survive by themselves.

[pass-the-bechdel]

Marvel Cinematic Universe: Captain America: The First Avenger (2011)

Does it pass the Bechdel Test?

No.

How many female characters (with names and lines) are there?

One (7.69% of cast).

How many male characters (with names and lines) are there?

Twelve.

Positive Content Rating:

Three.

General Film Quality:

Excellent! Full of as much heart as action, the film takes on the complicated task of delivering a Captain America for the modern world, avoiding jingoism while also acknowledging the origins which brought the comic-book hero into being. Against the odds (and my personal expectations), it is a sound success, and I consider it easily the best of the Marvel franchise’s early films.

MORE INFO (and potential spoilers) UNDER THE CUT:

Passing the Bechdel:

Obviously, that didn’t happen.

Female characters:

Peggy Carter.

Male characters:

Johann Schmidt.

Steve Rogers.

James ‘Bucky’ Barnes.

Howard Stark.

Abraham Erskine.

Arnim Zola.

Gilmore Hodge.

Chester Phillips.

Brandt.

Fred Clemson.

Timothy Dugan.

Nick Fury.

OTHER NOTES:

I’m mad about the Hydra symbol being the coolest insignia in this franchise. I would wear the heck outta some Hydra merchandise, if it weren’t for the, y’know, evil Nazi fascism stuff. 

I love little Steve. They pulled that off so well.

I don’t love that Peggy’s introduction revolves around her being disrespected by a guy and then knocking him on his ass. It feels far too prescribed, too Strong Woman Cliche, so expected as to be rendered essentially meaningless. It implies that these are the most important things about the character - she’s a woman and she’s tough - and it panders to the sexist perspective by requiring Peggy to ‘prove herself’ upon arrival in a traditionally-masculinised way. They could have handled this introduction much better.

Man. This movie has such a good cast. The goodness of this cast has no chill.

“So many people forget that the first country that the Nazis invaded was their own.” This the good shit.

“Go get him! I can swim.” Snort.

Sometimes, when I can’t sleep, ‘Star Spangled Man’ plays over and over again in my head. That’s probably why I can’t sleep.

“Do you...fondue?”

The thing where someone gets hit and they fly off-screen in an exaggerated fashion is never not funny to me.

Characters surviving explosions without a scratch, however, is never not rubbish to me. 

A super-soldier is never late, Peggy Carter, nor is he early; he arrives precisely when he means to.

Steve really isn’t very precious about choosing his team: they’re all just Bucky’s friends. He basically just went “ok, show of hands, who loves Bucky Barnes? Good, you guys are with me”. I mean, it’s solid reasoning - he trusts Bucky, and these guys have Bucky’s endorsement, and that’s good enough for Steve. I note that only one of the other guys on the team besides Steve and Bucky is a white American - the other guys are a black American and an Asian-American (and I see you there, recognition of racism against Japanese-Americans which led to their incarceration during the war, etc.), and then there’s a French dude and a Brit. That’s Captain America’s elite team: not all-American, and racially inclusive. I DIG that subtext.

*hisses* why is this whole Natalie-Dormer-mackin’-on-Steve thing even here? It’s a useless contrivance, plus I am extremely displeased at having Peggy being so petty in her jealousy that she actually fires a loaded gun straight at Steve. I sure hope she heard Howard’s explanation about the properties of the vibranium shield, or that she already knew them, because otherwise this is completely outrageous, but even then: what if the shield hadn’t performed as advertised? What if a bullet ricocheted and hit someone else? This is such a dangerous thing to do, and did I mention it is in service of a useless contrivance anyway? Peggy deserves better writing.

Lemme tell ya straight up: I thought I was gonna hate this movie. I mean...it’s Captain America. I expected cloying patriotism, a blandly self-righteous hero, probably some good ol’ war glorification as well. What we got instead was a film that barely even mentioned the good ol’ USA outside of the (explicitly recognised as) propaganda rigmarole that Captain America slogs through - a tool used to excellent effect to acknowledge the character’s history (the comic was created as propaganda during WWII in real life) while also carrying through the idea that what Captain America stands for is something far grander than nationalist fervour - and Steve himself is imbued with unassuming charm, fueled by the strength of his personal convictions but never forcing those convictions upon others in a show of moral grand-standing: an essential facet of the character is that he’ll pursue what he believes to be right regardless of whether anyone else follows him, and he accepts that there are consequences to his actions; he never props himself up with holier-than-thou declarations, he never shames anyone for disagreeing with him, and he never claims any kind of superiority over others (an important distinction when you’re juxtaposed with a Nazi Ubermensch villain). Other characters are inspired by Steve, but the film wisely never positions them as if they were weak or wavering without the symbol of Captain America to unite them: the war is a grindhouse, and they know the only way out is through. No one is fighting because they perceive battle as a great and noble cause, nor because they are righteously empowered; they fight because their enemy is too terrible to let pass, and there is no room for glory in that.

I can (and will) still quibble about the representation of war in the film: while the fact that it is sparingly shown does help to avoid the glorification of violence and death in battle, it also undersells the horror of war, which runs the risk of looping back around to glorification by making it all into fun skirmishes with faceless goons and glow-weapons. Additionally, Captain America clashes exclusively with Hydra and its operatives; while Red Skull severs his ties with Hitler early on through the welcome disintegration of a few Nazi representatives, the film cannot entirely distance itself from Hitler’s legacy (which Red Skull actively takes on for himself), and I take long-standing issue with anything which uses Nazis as an evil catch-all but fails to acknowledge and respect the victims of their reign. After Steve’s heroic nose-dive in the Valkyrie ends Hydra’s campaign, the film cuts to celebrations of the end of the war; they don’t actually state that it was Captain America who just defeated the Nazis by taking down Red Skull (despite the fact that Hydra’s soldiers with their fancy tech and also, um, actual-Hitler and his armies, are all still out there), but the implication is there, and it feels a mite bit insensitive, to say the least. I do think it is better that Steve has his own corner of the war to fight, rather than taking on the whole thing and battling actual-Hitler in the end (now THAT would be insensitive), but I do wish that the destruction and evil of the war at large were the backdrop of the film, rather than the comparatively sanitised Hydra operation that we see.

In this context, the weight of the war and the toll that it takes on the psyche of those suffering through it is carried almost exclusively by Bucky Barnes, who emerges from the unseen tortures of a Hydra work camp changed, his buoyant enthusiasm from the beginning of the film subdued, locked up behind the shattered look in his eyes and the fragile way he carries himself, determined to see this thing through to the end so that he can fall apart later, if he makes it that far (he doesn’t). Fandom has made much of Sebastian Stan’s understated performance, and with good reason: despite a minimal number of scenes there is a richness of detail in Bucky’s character, and as the emotional sinking ground for tragedy - both as the personification of the war’s devastation, and as a personal loss for Steve Rogers - Bucky’s narrative importance belies the amount of time dedicated to him in-text. Fandom has also made a strong point - with which I agree entirely and for which I will not pretend to take unique credit for noticing - that despite expectation, Bucky’s archetypal function in the film is not as the Hero’s Sidekick; he is, in actuality, fulfilling the cliche of the Love Interest, not in competition with Peggy Carter but instead of; Peggy, likewise, is not an archetypal Love Interest at all, because she’s the Hero’s Sidekick.

I am entirely of the opinion that this is an essential part of what makes Peggy - the sole named female character in town - work out so well, against the odds. As Steve’s sidekick, Peggy’s primary functions are to support him and give him advice; the sidekick is traditionally a rational role, someone who keeps the hero grounded and helps them to make the right choices, especially when they are emotionally conflicted. The Love Interest compels the hero’s emotions, sometimes (often) framed as driving them to acts of recklessness, to joyous heights, and depressive lows. Bucky is Steve’s damsel in distress; Steve is compelled to act when he learns that Bucky has been captured by the enemy, action which is tempered and assisted by Peggy’s influence and which ultimately brings Captain America out of propaganda mode to practice what he has preached, and be the soldier Steve always hoped to be. When Bucky falls, Peggy is there to talk to Steve, as a friend, and help him stop wallowing and concentrate his grief into the resolve which carries him through the climactic confrontations of the film’s final act. I’m not going to argue that Steve wanted to join the army just to be with Bucky (presumably that was a factor to some extent, but to call it the primary motivator would be to ignore the value set which made Steve into Captain America in the first place), nor that he was willing to sacrifice himself in the end because Bucky was gone (Steve’s mourning for Bucky certainly played a role in his mental state at the time, but ultimately, bringing down the Valkyrie was a practical choice, not an emotional one), but undeniably, Bucky was either integrally or tangentially attached to all of Steve’s major decisions across the film, as is common for a Love Interest, whereas Peggy consistently filled a support-and-guidance role, as any good sidekick should.

This is not to imply, by any measure, that Peggy can’t or shouldn’t be seen as a viable (lower case) love interest (or that Bucky’s time as a hero’s sidekick somehow doesn’t count as what it is); actually, I think that both character’s relationships with Steve benefit from being framed in this switched fashion. Bucky’s lifelong friendship with Steve comes across stronger and more meaningful due to the emotional pitch, allowing it to resonate as something deeply significant to Steve despite the limited exposure we have to it in action - extra important considering that Bucky is also fulfilling that sacrificial-character role. For Peggy, the fact that she is presented as a love interest but coded as a Hero’s Sidekick is even more important in its effect: since she is the only woman around, we have been taught by approximately All Media Ever to perceive her as the Love Interest from the second she steps on screen, and with that perception we are also encouraged to devalue her character as essentially existing for no other purpose than to be an attractive female prize for the Manly Male Hero to win by story’s end. By reinforcing Peggy as a friend to Steve, we subvert the expectation that she has no real function and/or that her personality is irrelevant, because narrative coding has taught us that sidekicks (almost exclusively male) matter, they have things to say and their influence on the hero is meaningful. Whether they are stalwart sidekicks, or bumbling fools, comedic, or secretly-insidious, a sidekick should be noted, because they’re a lot more likely to have something plot-relevant going on than a boring old Love Interest. Being presented as a helpful, sympathetic presence in Steve’s life who also Has Her Own Shit Going On allows Peggy to meet Steve on more even ground, and her interactions with him are not built around being romantically or sexually available: by having a working relationship built on a foundation of understanding friendship rather than attractive chemistry, the development of feelings between the characters comes across more as extraneous and organic, rather than a prescribed cliche. It still is a prescribed cliche, but it’s not one that compels Steve to do dumb stuff or that undermines Peggy’s relevance as a person in her own right, and that makes it a much more palatable romance than what we usually get.

This is also why that idiotic ~jealousy~ contrivance I flagged earlier is so out of place - I mean, it’s out of place because it’s idiotic, it has no impact on the story in any way and its an insult to the characters and I don’t know why it exists or why they kept it in the final cut of the film because it’s asinine rubbish, but it’s also out of place because it approaches Peggy as a Love Interest, scorned and emotionally lashing out, an attempt to generate Love Interest drama where it has no place in the movie, for the characters as the people that they are, with the established dynamic that they have, or in the context of their situation. Throwing a misunderstanding and some hurt feelings on top of a relationship which has worked refreshingly well thus far because of the honest and open conversations the characters have shared is utterly tone-deaf, and it’s one black mark on what is otherwise a shockingly strong and tonally-consistent film. She may be all alone in the movie, but I will happily argue that Peggy is the best, most-rounded female character in the MCU at this early stage, and she’s playing across from an eminently worthy leading man in Chris Evans’ charmingly-sincere Steve Rogers. The supporting cast is there - Seb Stan, of course, but also Stanley Tucci! Tommy Lee Jones! HUGO WEAVING! - being wonderful and engaging across the board, and there are no weak links (except Natalie Dormer, but that’s not her fault, and at least the misstep is brief and POINTLESS so that it doesn’t taint the rest of the film). Captain America: The First Avenger may not be absolutely perfect - nothing is - but it is a great ride, sometimes surprisingly nuanced, sometimes intriguingly subversive even while it plays straight with the expectations of its genre. I went into my first viewing of the film just hoping it wouldn’t make me mad, and I gotta tell ya: I ain’t mad at all. As far as I’m concerned, this is the platonic ideal of superhero films.

[ganymedesclock]

ALL RIGHTY, onto them TFA people. since these take a lot more out of me than I was expecting, I’m gonna close this particular meme for now and not take any more asks.

Bear in mind these reads are only as far as SUV: Society of Ultimate Villainy and I would really prefer to avoid any spoilers! I’ve already seen some and it’s not fun. And yes, I do read the tags/replies on this post so watch y’alls spoilery mouths, people.

@numinousbones said:prowl and shiro for the ask meme!

Shiro was last masterpost, so, Prowl!

general opinion: fall in a hole and die | don’t like them | eh | they’re fine I guess | like them! | love them | actual love of my life

Prowl is my absolute favorite out of the main crew so far and that’s pretty darn hot competition since most of the TFA main cast won me over fast and hard. I mostly love how deeply expressive he is with his noticeably flat affect and how this isn’t met with a “ha ha but what is Prowl feeling or thinking??? he’s such an impossibly unreadable enigma.” Prowl does have his enigmatic qualities but they are not tied to his autistic traits.

Also when he grinned really big in Megatron Rising Part 2 that absolutely melted my heart. Prowl, you are like almost definitely a child soldier career assassin with deep personal issues where do you get off being that cute.

hotness level: get away from me | meh | neutral | theoretically hot but not my type | pretty hot | gorgeous! | 10/10 would bang

Evaluating the attractiveness of robots is. weird. I like Prowl’s color scheme and also him being a delicate-built lanky motorcycle man.

hogwarts house: gryffindor | slytherin | ravenclaw | hufflepuff

This was a tough one. I almost went with Ravenclaw or Slytherin, and excluded the former because while Prowl is smart and observant, he doesn’t particularly value knowledge for its own sake- his curiosity and fascination is saved for specific things that capture his interest. 

And Slytherin is right out- Prowl might be ambitious, but the other side of Slytherin is interpersonal loyalty, maintenance of a trusted circle, and while Prowl heavily benefits from that, he relies on others to build it for him, and often doesn’t really think to reach out to it.

Thus, Gryffindor remains- because if there’s one thing to be said about Prowl, he’s very headstrong- about what he believes in, about what he thinks needs to be done. He pushes tenacity further and further to the point that in Fistful of Energon in particular, “whatever it takes” is practically his mantra.

best quality:

His empathetic side is pretty prominent, especially when that’s the thing that reigns him in during Fistful of Energon. Where his mind can justify almost anything with the urgent, hand-to-mouth way he seems used to operating, he sets his compass to his heart to figure out if he’s going too far. Also, he loves cats, and that’s adorable.

worst quality:

Prowl. Prowl for the love of fuck I don’t know what your backstory is yet but these implications are incredibly viciously unhappy please just. pursue journaling. Get a cat. Talking to your teammates might be too uncomfortable and you’re afraid of the only friends you’ve had in a while judging you and that’s understandable but please talk to someone, and, of course, you won’t, not until this becomes an informative but upsetting episode plot. :/

ship them with:

I have no Prowl ships at present. Mostly I’m trying to figure out what exactly his approximate age ‘in human years’ is. 

brotp them with:

Honestly Ratchet loaning him the EMP generator in Fistful of Energon was a pretty deep statement of trust, which makes me really want to see the two of them interacting more in positive situations. As far as relationships we’ve actually seen, I really like his interactions with Bulkhead and Optimus.

needs to stay away from:

I Still Don’t Know Prowl’s Backstory disclaimer but nobody gets like that without someone else setting things up and I have three guesses who and all of them start with “fucking” and end with “Megatron.”

misc. thoughts:

I have a Prowl backstory theory and it’s one part the entire way he relates to Grimlock and one part “so anybody, at any point, gonna call Prowl on his ability to fly and noticeably dark, murky color scheme compared to literally every other autobot we have clapped eyeballs on”

@theicombaticon​ said:  Hi! Since you're doing the character asks and I haven't seen you say as much about her.....what are your thoughts on Sari?

general opinion: fall in a hole and die | don’t like them | eh | they’re fine I guess | like them! | love them | actual love of my life 

So Sari is one of the few details I knew about Transformers Animated before watching it (specifically her having some sort of relationship with Cybertron/ not being all human) but I didn’t have that many assumptions about her character, but whoa nelly does she deliver.

I would seriously point to Sari as a case study in how to attach a Kid Sidekick to any kind of long-running franchise. Because she’s narratively, perfect- has a well-defined niche, conflicts and problems, unique and reasonable relationships with multiple characters, she’s cute, endearing, has character flaws and conflicts, has nicely diversified interests and is proactive in a way that’s both realistic and effective. 

hotness level: get away from me | meh | neutral | theoretically hot but not my type | pretty hot | gorgeous! | 10/10 would bang

She Is An Eight Year Old.

hogwarts house: gryffindor | slytherin | ravenclaw | hufflepuff

In like... the third damn episode Sari basically told the gods to fuck off and brought Optimus back from the dead because what’s the point of gaming the system if you can’t punch the world hard enough to make it cough your friend back up and that is like the most Slytherin possible exercise in heroism I have ever seen, ever.

best quality:

Honestly I love this scheming eight-year-old. I love her heroics and equally obvious inclination to break the rules because. what are you gonna do??? stop her?

worst quality: 

I mean she has character flaws but a lot of them are related to her debilitating loneliness and the growing horrified realization that a lot of her life was living in a kind of narrow protected bubble that her father made for her because the possibility for magic destiny aside, the Allspark itself pretty clearly implied that her story isn’t one that she particularly is gonna enjoy hearing.

And that just feels... mean to criticize. She’s eight. She’s doing the best she can. That’s only so much. 

ship them with: 

This Is An Entire Child.

brotp them with: 

Her sibling relationship with Bee and Bulkhead is adorable, and I would LOVE to see more out of her interactions with Ratchet but this is because I want to see Ratchet interact more with everyone because I love Ambulance Dad from the bottom of my heart.

But y’know what I really, really want? I honestly want Arachnia and Sari to take their grudging mutual same-hat to the next level. I want Arachnia to become Sari’s terrible decisions big sister. By their powers combined they would be literally unstoppable. Optimus gets to find out second hand what sort of shit his sorta surrogate niece and his Significant It’s Complicated have been up to when Arachnia rolls up an hour past midnight like “guess who’s officially a wanted criminal in Botswana?” 

There is at least one (1) heist in which Arachnia gets Sari to climb in the vents to infiltrate a place, which she complains about the entire time but is mollified when someone corners her and tauntingly asks what a Little Girl can possibly threaten him with and then Sari’s just like “oh, y’know” and a giant spider crashes through the wall.

needs to stay away from:

Fuck you, Powell.

misc. thoughts:

Literally my only qualm with Sari is why the hell doesn’t she take her pigtails and hairclips off to sleep. What’s up with that Sari. I know you’re some manner of bizarre cyborg child but what.

Anonymous said: TFA Optimus Prime

general opinion: fall in a hole and die | don’t like them | eh | they’re fine I guess | like them! | love them | actual love of my life 

So I’ve been very aware of Transformers for a long time because it’s pretty impossible not to be, but I’ve also been obstinately indifferent to it for a long time. Watched the first episode of Prime ages ago, really didn’t get into it, haven’t really felt compelled to look further until friends of mine whose cartoon tastes I trust talked me into TFA.

Optimus... won me over a lot. It’s really nice to see energy and color breathed into a character who’s such an archetypal cornerstone hero- he feels fleshed out and this allows me to actually connect with him as a character.

hotness level: get away from me | meh | neutral | theoretically hot but not my type | pretty hot | gorgeous! | 10/10 would bang

I know all the autobots have pretty baby blues but like... Optimus in particular. They are nice. I also like the curvature of his mouth because especially in his more snide expressions (e.g. The Headmaster Returns) it means that Optimus Prime, Headliner Hero of the Transformers Franchise, goes >:3 sometimes. Also when he’s sorta miffed about something, it makes him look like he’s pouting.

hogwarts house: gryffindor | slytherin | ravenclaw | hufflepuff

See the interesting thing here is Optimus is exactly the kind of person who’d get incredibly snippy at the Hufflepuff House reputation, but, what mostly sticks with me is that fitting with his fireman’s motif, Optimus’s primary weapon in this setting is a fire axe- which is not a weapon meant for fighting. It’s a tool- meant for clearing obstructions in the way of rescuing people. 

This is both a rather powerful statement of confidence- it implies that the enemies he faces down are obstacles, rather than rivals, reflecting both his formidable skill as a combatant and the certain degree of unforgiving pressure he brings to bear on people he sees as obstructing what needs to be done- and it heavily suggests that to Optimus, combat is a labor of necessity, not something particularly glorious or to be reveled in.

Optimus is a hard worker. His morals are stated repeatedly in someone willing to put his nose to the grind and who would rather be doing meaningful work with people he finds honorable than reveling in glory. In a meta sense in Garbage In, Garbage Out, an episode partially about being a hero and what that makes, the first thing we see Optimus doing is personally hauling waste because it’s a job that needs to be done- and it’s Prowl that comments on the indignity of it all, not Optimus who was actively covered in other people’s trash.

best quality:

Optimus has an impressive tenacity of personal character. He’s, I think, one of the big archetypal Lawful Good characters out there, and his willingness to do things like take Sentinel out in Mission Accomplished is contrasted by his willingness to calmly walk right up to Ultra Magnus and state that he accomplished his objective- if Optimus appears to rebel from the system, it’s because, in his eyes, he’s not the one turning away from the ideal of what should be- it’s Sentinel, it’s Magnus, it’s Cybertron that turns away and leaves him to chase what he’s sure is the right course of action, and, as a Lawful Good, he is also willing to quietly turn himself in and face the consequences of his actions as long as he feels his point has been made.

worst quality: 

He feels pretty overly responsible for other people. This can lead him to sink deep into personal grief (see Along Came A Spider and the way he parsed Elita’s fate before reuniting with Arachnia), it can make him a little pushy and intrusive (see the way he needles Ratchet about opening up to him about his history in Transform And Roll Out part 1 and again in Thrill Of The Hunt, the latter only acknowledging there’s a reason Ratchet might not want to discuss it after something similar happened to him) and, at his absolute worst, it can make him incredibly snappy and controlling when he feels like every minor thing counts (several occasions, but Megatron Rising part 1 is the cleanest example)

ship them with: 

Arachnia. It’s pretty clear they both miss each other terribly, though, they’ve still got a lot of work to do.

brotp them with: 

BRIDGE CREW! BRIDGE CREW! I particularly like his interactions with Ratchet (surprise there, huh) and Prowl.

I’d like to invite Sentinel to this party but Sentinel has a lot of emotional shit he needs to sort out first, because, while Sentinel is clearly at least awkwardly trying to patch their friendship, he’s still not... listening to Optimus about what’s important to him.

needs to stay away from:

Nobody in particular that’s not a general hazard to all autobots.

misc. thoughts:

For the longest time I thought Optimus was the equivalent of a twentysomething but now I am genuinely wondering if he’s actually like. basically eighteen. The bridge crew is just Ratchet shepherding a bunch of teenagers around.

@sepublic asked: General opinion on Lugnut?

general opinion: fall in a hole and die | don’t like them | eh | they’re fine I guess | like them! | love them | actual love of my life 

Lugnut’s honestly got me really intrigued. From his appearance to the sheer raw firepower he’s capable of to the way he is absolutely, to the bottom of his soul terrified of Megatron and at the same time snarls at the idea of anyone so much as suggesting Megatron is less than a grand and benevolent god resplendent on the planet raises some deeply upsetting questions. There’s clearly something to him we haven’t heard, yet.

hotness level: get away from me | meh | neutral | theoretically hot but not my type | pretty hot | gorgeous! | 10/10 would bang

Not necessarily in the conventional sense but he’s got a really appealing monsterish design that makes him stand out a lot visually.

hogwarts house: gryffindor | slytherin | ravenclaw | hufflepuff

Fervent, unyielding loyalty, personal ferocity in the face of battle. Lugnut never abdicates unless it’s in the face of Megatron- if anything, we’ve never seen him afraid of anything except his beloved lord.

best quality:

Loyalty and tenacity, definitely. 

worst quality: 

Like Sari, it feels a little mean to criticize Lugnut because I think it’s pretty obvious a lot of his flaws aren’t really of his own crafting outside of stubbornness. He’s pretty obviously profoundly indoctrinated, and the purr to Megatron’s voice in Lost And Found when he calls Lugnut “truly loyal” is deeply disquieting when we know thanks to Soundwave and Grimlock both that Megatron is quite fond of child soldiers... and Lugnut looks almost nothing like a conventional cybertronian.

ship them with: 

I’m not convinced he’s not a child given cybertronians basically pupate directly to their adult size and then stay there so I consider him off the shipping table.’

brotp them with: 

None of his current canon connections seem super appealing to me. I mean, in an AUish sense I really like the idea of after Megatron’s defeated or driven off Earth, Isaac Sumdac taking in Lugnut and helping rehabilitate him. The guy just... really deserves better than to fling himself reverently at the feet of an abusive person who actively finds his worship either obligatory or annoying.

needs to stay away from:

Megatron, child protection services has a sniper on the roof.

misc. thoughts:

Lugnut’s really not a guy I expected to care about this much, which is kinda the story of TFA. If I didn’t go in expecting to love the character, I was proven wrong.

[thesrhughes]

Short: The Oracle as We Burn

New Post has been published on http://thesrhughes.com/short-the-oracle-as-we-burn/

Short: The Oracle as We Burn

Background

A little while ago I had a rough writing day, a day where I started a bunch of short/flash projects but never took any of them very far.  A day of one-to-three sentence beginnings, where the middles and endings slipped through my fingers.  But a lovely treasure of a human being advised me to stitch all these failed attempts into a patchwork of a story, and so I did.  What emerged from this stew of beginnings is…well, weird, to say the least.  Weird and dark and chopped up.  It features non-linear time, characters-as-archetypes (or vice versa), and a strange hunt for The Boogeyman.  In terms of linear-event-narrative, well, it’s not the clearest piece I’ve ever written, I’ll give you that.  But it’s a bit of fun.  Check it out!

The Oracle as We Burn

I can’t remember – it started after we imbued the drugs with magic – the unspooling of ourselves skulls blooming – expanding into each other teeth first – the first time I saw us in the broken mirror – when did the halls here unravel? – how long have we splintered outside of time? – who made the mask? –

she flicks the ash from her cigarette she flicks the ash from her cigarette I ask “what does that mean?” she unseams her lips “it’s just a cigarette, it means nothing” but then they came for her under blood and not long after they burned the witch

Out there in the woods, a tree unfurls its roots; they are nooses. Its branches are bone. It claws at the clouds until sunlight spills out. Its decades aren’t carried in the rings of its trunk, but in the bodies hanged up unrevenged. How many children have hanged there? How many boogeymen have added to its collection of bones?

The sun slices itself open along the horizon and the sky curdles with its blood. That’s when they came.

we shot up in the corner, beneath the unflinching gaze of digital vitreous we fell // we fall– today is forever and the syringe is always full

I can’t remember remembering, memories shuffle together, 52 card pickup. Out there in the woods, gnarls of knotted bark blink their blackened eyes. Overhead, the CCTV blinks its squishy lens. Cataracts, cataracts.

When the Ragged Man comes over the cracked stones, when the skyscrapers drown, when the apocalypse pulls its punch, flip the coin. It tumbles to its zenith upward and pauses and you will know. When the Ragged Man comes over the desert, prepare.

we introduced alchemy to the manufacture of our recreational pills and powders – we studied the dust-dead languages – we stared into the squirming void and memorized the texture of its skin – when fighting monsters, do drugs – do not become, that’s for later – when you stare into the abyss – this overdose is nothing, we have only collapsed into the corner of the next room –

She shrieks with white phosphorous, a flare against the black. The last I saw the Oracle, she tumbled, sparking, into darkness, her last wails the mourning of dead gods.

He didn’t exist until we feared him into existence. We told the stories around campfires and flashlights and flickering candles and the universe heard our whispers and provided. When the first child went missing, I can’t remember.

there is a house at the end of the lane go there by night, you won’t find it by day (and when you arrive we think that you’ll find you ought to have just stayed away.)

strange attractors, fractal magic, loose change cointossed, observing the zenith; I see him now, we see him, we watch him lumber through tragedies licking his lips; life, uh, life finds a way; Jung, Feynman, Curie, Radium Girl; over a long enough time period, everything does indeed happen—

we midwived the boogeyman by begging the universe to make one this is sometimes how magic works

sometime after we put the magic in the drugs, we unraveled; I don’t remember she flicks ash and the molecules tumble like coins through the air. 52 card pickup, the Oracle burns in warcrime flare; she screams the truth and tumbles into darkness like breezecaught ash.  She flicks the cigarette.  They come to make her into an inferno. She burns forever because every moment crystallizes into itself infinitely – our teeth are the same teeth, now, and our skin is the same skin, and we exist overlapping each other – our Venn diagram is a circle – we no longer remember – splintering outside of time, we see crystals, moments – memory serves no purpose – it all happens simultaneously, forever – how many hanged?– 52 card pickup, missing children, Oracles, boogeyman, darkness, distance and time, starlight— what is a Tulpa?

who put on the mask, first? possessed by the whispering dark, who put on the mask? when did the first child disappear? we can’t remember – it happens, y’know?

They came for her under bloody skies as the day killed itself for night.

1967 AD 1967 BC 1945, 2001, 2296 AD 666 BC, 999 AD the broken mirror and our reflection when you stand outside of time you do drugs, y’know? this does not count and Thank God It’s Forever

They came for her as she flicked ash. They came for her under sunlight suicide. She said it meant nothing.

death is nothing at all – it does not count – (we) have only slipped away into the next room – nothing has happened – everything is happening – everything happens forever – in the next room, we splinter – an overdose is nothing at all – the magic in the heroin now – we do not count – the Oracle is in the next room and we scream in phosphorous – this is nothing at all forever, we are the wise ones, the witches burnt – the children missing – the bodies hanged – the boogeyman himself, licking his lips – the truth is –

Our last memory (if “last” exists beyond its placeholder as a mere word, which it no longer does, not to us, but if it did, then our last memory) is a flare into darkness forever, a crystal scream. We burn into a star, time and distance, at daylight’s death. We spasm and jerk and foam around the lips and the magic turns our blood into phosphorous. We are so high forever and now our teeth chatter truth—

will we ever come down?  will we know if we do?

the trees claw the clouds until warcrime chemicals rain our wails upon us. we are the witch and we are the ones who burn her. she flicks ash//we flick ash. we say “it doesn’t matter” but the truth –

the first child. the fifty-second child. the scary mask, the oracle, the forever scream of the dying sun. the truth is a wail into dark, a desperate flare against the void. time and distance, every star a shriek. from the shadows, the boogeyman comes. I remember, now, when we put the magic in the heroin. now, under the cataracted glare of the bloodshot camera, which is also then, now.  now, we splinter, falling into each other teeth first. our skulls bloom and our meat sprays into rose petals. we go round the prickly pear. we see, now – we are the boogeyman and we are the children he takes away. our house is at the end of the lane. we are in the next room, the room next to you. we splinter, outside of time. you know how it is. you remember. because after we splinter, we fall together again, teeth first.

[kingsmanxrp]

LOADING PROFILE…

MINABUCHI SEIKO WAS LAST SEEN IN SEOUL, SK.               CURRENT PROFESSION: JOURNALIST

THE FOLLOWING DETAILS ARE CLASSIFIED. PROCEED?

PERSONALITY

with those whom you share a mutual truthfulness, they will be inclined to see, hear, and acknowledge that you’re making an effort to unwind. it’s not so much the feeling of being cold, or stricken by the grief of others, but for the protection of your own privacy that allows you to live carefully as time is always a constant. you’re in no rush to define yourself in front of people, nor do you set yourself up to be in certain criterias that’ll make people comfortable around you. whatever goes, whatever happens and so forth. those who know you best will take your outgoingness with ease; toy around with many jokes and become unphased by your aggressiveness. you weren’t born to impress and create deceit for yourself in any essence of what your self-worth means to you. you pave your way through, diligently and unapologetically. you find peace while working and tending to mundane tasks in the background, and detests being shone in the limelight. at times of which you’re alone is when you work best, unbothered to the best of your abilities. although you are comfortable in your own company, sometimes that leads to messiness or procrastination.

you’re not particularly sure of what influences you to become reliable, or at least, search for means that’ll support your complications. you never sought out to be the person who does things based on spontaneity. you refuse to; you’re an honest and rational person that would rather take time to build practical expectations with goals. your ability to reason with reality is one of your most strongest traits, but it might become unfavorable to you if you allow yourself to become calculating and conservative. it doesn’t hurt to be a little secretive, once in awhile. just loosen up and see where fate’s passion should take you, rather than you attempt to control destiny itself.

your ability to have an appreciation for many things artistic has helped you look at the world in many perspectives, not just one. you realize that the same world, oftentimes, doesn’t deserve your openness in return for their harshness. having the capability to perceive beauty in many forms without merits, you may love people and things all too easily. with all your heart, you will find warmth in the most uncanny resemblances of something vile, merely deteriorating you with the vulnerability of emotion.

regardless, here you are, forbidding to other people how complex your values progress. when it isn’t an unjust state of mind that people condemn you to be lonely and secluded, but really, would like to be pleasant.

BIOGRAPHY

JAPANESE STUDENT SUBMITS HER ADMISSION ESSAY: SEE WHAT SHE HAS TO SAY IN AN ABUNDANCE OF OVER 1K WORDS.

all the other kids are writing about their profound experiences throughout their educational career, but who are we to stick to a single thesis? there’s two prompts: a thesis based on your educational gap statement, or you can turn in a paper about your personal life. think of it as your myspace profile but better. it took a considerable amount of time to settle for either prompt, since a good number of these starstruck hopefuls bullshit on their educational gap statement. we all know in university, you can only choose between two lifestyles out of the three you had in high school. your scholastic life, social life, and, perhaps, familial life if you still like your ‘rents. it’s cool though, nobody’s blaming you. sometimes we come running back to our parents in need of lunch money even at twenty years of age.

so, let’s roll this sucker out.

and that was just the brief monologue. the thoughtful writing has yet to be written.

in the best interests of whom may be reading this, the applicant’s name is minabuchi seiko. she’s a proud osaka gal (the people of tokyo despise her!), born in umeda to a predominant well-to-do household. to put in modest words, her family has had a long line of blood inheritance, old money folk. honestly, even she doesn’t know where the money comes from, but whether or not it was earned with fairness is a whole different story.

okay, so blatant storytelling in essays are kind of, or actually, pretty redundant and even speculates the fact that you have a low vocabulary repertoire. either that, or you really have been stolen of your literary imagination; some form of poverty stricken to the head, not with the wallet. let’s start over.

againー her name’s minabuchi seiko. she went to school all her life in osaka and decided that one day, she’s gonna let all her expectations from her parents define the rest of her livelihood. yeah, y’know, the typical story of a rich kid from an old money family even when you have no idea as to how the money rolls in. dad’s an old maybach lovin’ fellow with the fall/winter versace slacks, his holy grail go-to ready-to-wear pants. probably can’t even tell satin from silk! doesn’t look half as bad, if only he’d lose the beer belly from years of self intoxication poisoning. he managed to meet his old woman at some kind of gala back in the day, the 80s, an era where no country was saved from hairspray monstrosity. some say his great great grandfather was involved in the first world war as an agent, maybe as an ambitious trainee with little to no hand eye coordinationー which could probably be why he ended up shot in the head in great britain.

however, father was probably a no good, wealth lifting legacy. his hands were always perfect, never calloused. perfect hands don’t belong to somebody who has never worked in their lives.

how about we assume that seiko’s mom was a looker back then, yeah? even though she didn’t hail from a just as rich family, that didn’t matter. she was young, naive, a little feisty and that’s when dad knew that she was the one. and for whatever reason, we don’t know, nor do we really want to know; it’s not a prime aspect to shape the story. to put it simply, mum wasn’t a complete trophy wife. no. she lacked in some traits and dad thought that was wholesome and on some level, beautiful. she had ‘flaws’ or whatever that got mr. minabuchi excited. faux humility and a sense of conviction was all she really had. even still, seiko concluded that there was nothing beautiful about a clingy gold digger, but we can’t have everything, can we? though she’d be lying if she said that she didn’t appreciate her. thanks for the nose, mom.

we don’t know what’s romantic about coaxing a ditzy nineteen-year-old into marriage when you’re well into your mid-thirties, but, y’know. you’re not living to please everyone (also whatever tickles your fancy ‘cause she’s pretty sure she tickled his!). the folks of osaka are positive that the million dollar trust fund concept under dad’s belt got all her friends and family hot and ready. really inspirational. honestly, if father father can find love in a sleazy getaway in the corners of kitashinchi station, then so can you!

and this is when minabuchi seiko steps into the picture. they wanted kids but didn’t plan that just one night pursued from alcohol would have mum knocked up. she’s the eldest child among two others, making them a dandy, clean-cut, model family with a house too big for the land on the outskirts of the city. the gardeners came every two weeks, thursday afternoon at 3pm sharp. the pool cleaners are scheduled to pluck the dead larva and leaves even when nobody’s swimming and having hellish family gatherings. yet again, she still has all her index cards of distant relatives that she haven’t frequented. being the oldest has given the gal privileges of earning stuff first, but then again, is she really earning things if the spoon is silver? yeah, no. seiko never had to work for an entirety of her life. she didn’t even know what it meant, or what it felt to knowhow to work. probably washed one dish within a year after she turned thirteen, realizing what chores were. so here she is, protecting her younger siblings and pretending as though she’s the prototype daughter. she’s enrolled into a private grade school until mom (kinda looking like kudo shizuka if only she didn’t butcher her nose) chimes in with, “honey!”— all high pitched and concerning, gotta love mom. “we should send the kids off to an international school,” she says. “they can learn from real life experiences since they’re always comfortable at home.”

(making us sound like we’re some kind of archetypical nuclear experiment.) like, what is she? minabuchi seiko? why is mom so eager to live through her wannabe princeton dreams onto a girl who only wishes to be in sight of takeuchi naoko and matsuri hino?

seiko’s tossed into the horror of an international school, when actually, it wasn’t all that ugly and cracked up as she thought it would be. asides from being a fat four-eyed freak, she had two friends and lived a decent early childhood based on her family’s worth. it was cool, she guesses. it’s nice to travel away from a place she knew so long; from humble ol’ umeda to honmachi. even met a girl who was nice to her later as seiko continued failing, so if that’s not living, then she doesn’t know what living is. they’re still friends, by the way. on some new level gummy shit, perhaps.

at age 16 she’s already living fast and furious, aspiring to seize the world with the ability to compromise and persuade like a filthy politician. yes. she owned over 10 ferrets who all died peacefully while keeping a gpa that was sure to make her bound for yonsei university. no, her parents threw her into piano lessons since it’d be beneficial for her applications if she won a few competitions here and there— yes. you see, she was an ugly and fat kid with a plan. she was the oily skinned bitch who couldn’t put down the big mac, but she had her entire future mapped out.

maybe.. minabuchi seiko is a child from her great great great father’s counterpart. she lacked ambition to better herself and become an agent, thatmuch, she agrees. the thing was, her interest has embraced the world of academic endeavors and its many assorted curiosities. she was a lover of style and lifestyles, and her pen was always mightier than the sword.

boy, did she adore writing. she wrote on the canopies hanging above on a spring afternoon with a piplup plush besides her. she wrote on the dead agents from various field missions miles and miles away, been blocked out of group chats since that was all she keyboard smashed about. all her feelings are on paper, through and through, written in pen. whether she was either heartbroken or optimistic, determined or discouraged. oh, how her heart bleeds on endless journals!

and alas! flicker goes the damn light bulb: an eccentric writer slash journalist slash.. whatever she may be has been born.

[phosphorescent-naidheachd]

_____ said:

on one level i will always enjoy watching a cool lady ride jon's face or w/e so i am not anti-dany getting some of the old King In The North. otoh - the whole epic meet cute destined thing is too grand for me. it's like an archetype? i prefer how rooted and grounded and layered jon/sansa is as a ship - everything has resonance and a kind of unexpected joy, like Persuasion, where neither person thought they could repair the past and find happiness and yet happiness is there for them. it's just more my jam. i hope jonsa shippers have enough to work with for fic purposes after the show ends

another thing - i wish dany could have a male family member who doesn't want to bang her, especially given that monster of a brother she had... jon is a wonderful family member. i wish they could have been that to each other 

^^^

I’m not inherently against J0n3rys -- written as an epic ‘our fates were written in the stars long before our birth’ archetypical relationship or not -- as long as it’s executed in such a fashion that feels true to the characters and that resonates emotionally with me... but I highly doubt D&D are going to manage to do that. I have approximately 0.12% trust in them as writers/directors and that’s a generous estimate. Add in the fact that D&D have a fairly limited amount of screen time to build a J0n3rys relationship up from nothing, and the chances of D&D sacrificing true character/relationship development on the altar of expediency rise considerably... as do the chances for an increased amount of ‘telling’ rather than ‘showing’. Just my opinion, though.

GRRM isn’t perfect, but -- partially because of the medium, partially due to his own skills -- his writing of the J0n3rys relationship will doubtless be a lot more nuanced and believable when the characters finally meet in the books.

Actually, one thing that’s really neat about Jon’s relationship with Dany (and with Sansa, among a few other characters!) is all of the narrative parallels and contrasts drawn between their individual experiences. I recently read a piece that argued that GRRM isn’t just deconstructing fantasy tropes with ASOIAF, he’s also very much reconstructing them -- “not tearing the genre apart so much as reminding readers of why it was worth falling in love with in the first place” -- and that really struck me. I like to think that if J0n3rys does end up being endgame in the books, GRRM will use his particular “existential brand of romanticism” to make that archetype feel fresh and real and worthwhile.

Ughhh, I feel you there. Dany deserves kind, platonic, supportive family members. Like Jon, she’s always had a strong longing for a home and family and belonging, and Jon (and through him, perhaps some of the other Starks too) could really fill that role well under the right circumstances. Which isn’t to say that he couldn’t still fill that familial role in a romantic/sexual capacity, but it’s not quite the same thing, y’know? As you said, Dany has never really had someone love her who doesn’t want to bang her (maybe Missandei, but I always thought there was a faintly femslashy subtext between the two of them on the show), and I think it would be good for her to have that kind of relationship in her life.

My feelings re: show!J0n3rys are a lot more complicated than my feelings re: book!J0n3rys, mainly because my feelings re: show!Dany herself are very conflicted. I think most of the criticisms leveled at Dany by the fandom contain validity, but I also think that most of those criticisms are also strongly influenced by fandom’s sexism/misogyny and its attendant double standards. I think that Dany -- both in the books and on the show -- is a very complex character, and frankly I don’t think D&D really get that; I think they see her purely as The Once Underdog, Now Conquering Heroine(TM), and that the GOT narrative is going to reflect this sadly limited viewpoint.

I have a lot of sympathy for Dany’s position and understand why she acts as she does; her traumatic past and the culture(s) in which she was brought up have absolutely shaped who she is today: her fears, her desires, and her methods of achieving those desires. I would also argue that although show!Dany is pretty self-centered, she generally has good intentions. Nonetheless, I’ve become less and less a fan of show!Dany over the years. I have issues with some of the choices she’s made, with her frequent (albeit unintentional on her part) hypocrisy, and with the racist undertones both GRRM and D&D have (accidentally?) inserted into some of her major story arcs (indeed, to the point where I have a hard time mentally separating her from said arcs). If Dany undergoes further character growth that positively alters how she acts going forward, my feelings towards her may change again, but in the meantime… I don’t know. As I said: it’s complicated, and my thoughts about her sometimes even vary from episode to episode. (Heaven knows my thoughts & feelings re: Tyrion and Jaime often shift depending on the episode lol. But that’s a topic for another time.)

I don’t want to see Dany humiliated and humbled, the way many antis do, but I also don’t want to see her as she currently is on the Iron Throne, the way most stans do. I don’t believe she’s insane or currently in danger of becoming insane, as many antis think, nor do I believe that she’s an unusually cruel/terrible/[insert negative term here] ruler and warrior for the society in which she lives. However, none of this makes her inherently the best person to rule Westeros, either. 

Although it isn’t entirely Dany’s fault, she knows almost nothing about Westeros -- past or present -- and what little she does know was understandably given to her through a pretty pro-Targaryen lens; this lack of understanding of facts -- and more crucially, of attitudes -- will serve her (and more importantly Westeros) very poorly if she ever becomes Queen of the Seven Kingdoms. Yes, having Westerosi advisors can help, but only so much. The monarchy of Westeros doesn’t seem to have much in the way of checks and balances, after all, outside of ‘it’s probably not a good idea to offend any of the major Houses too badly and definitely not multiple Houses at the same time’. Dany is still relatively inexperienced at ruling and is certainly more than capable of learning and improving... the question is whether she’ll allow herself to. Especially now that she has the ultimate power in the form of fully-grown dragons, which makes it even more difficult and dangerous to question or challenge her actions than it would a dragonless monarch like Robert Baratheon.

(Although, since we’re mentioning Robert Baratheon... I get the sense that Dany, like Robert, much prefers the fighting and ceremonial parts of being monarch over the day-to-day administrative parts. YMMV.)

It’s my opinion that Dany has gotten increasingly good at convincing herself that her personal desires are actually selfless and/or inevitable, that her way is the Right Way, that too much compromise is weakness, and that an increased volume and degree of violence on her part is both justified and necessary. This is an excellent piece of meta on the subject; although it’s about book!Dany, it’s still by and large applicable to show!Dany too... in fact, I would argue that in many ways, it’s even more applicable to show!Dany. Dany isn’t the only “good” character in ASOIAF/GOT to harden herself to violence or to make some of these sorts of mistakes, of course -- Jon probably would have been an even bigger disaster if he’d somehow wound up as the ruler of Meereen, for instance -- but that doesn’t remove the validity of these criticisms towards her, either.

Actually, speaking of Jon and Dany, there’s one argument that antis make that really bugs me: that Jon was chosen by his people, while Dany chose herself; meritocratic monarchy vs. hereditary monarchy, if you will. It’s not entirely wrong, but it’s not the full story either. Davos falls prey to this same trap when talking to Dany on Dragonstone, in fact: "He's not King in the North because of his birthright, he has no birthright, he's a damn bastard. He's King in the North because those hard sons of bitches believe in him."

I mean, yes, Jon was chosen by his nobles to be their king, and they do believe in him, but you can’t act like his heredity didn’t play a significant role in that decision. If Jon hadn’t been the ostensible son of Ned Stark, do you really think all the nobles of the North would have called for him to be King, no matter how worthy he was or how much they believed in him? Just look at part of Lyanna Mormont’s speech, for crying out loud [italics my own]: “I don’t care if he’s a bastard. Ned Stark’s blood runs through his veins. He’s my king, from this day until his last day!” *rolls eyes* But I digress. 

Moving on to address your comments on Jon/Sansa:

Unlike many J0nsa shippers here on tumblr, I don’t think J0nsa is ever going to be canon. Definitely not on the show, and probably not in the books either. And I’m mainly OK with that; that’s what fanfiction is for, after all. (Which isn’t to say I wouldn’t be delighted to be proved wrong re: canon lol.) 

I’m very much a multi-shipper in GOT/ASOIAF, and my main fannish wish is that my favorite characters survive to the end of the series. Ideally, none of them irrevocably betray other characters I care about and they all survive and they’re all at least marginally happy, but that’s probably way too much to ask. As I said, I’ll take ‘alive’. Because as long as they’re still alive, a happier ending is still a possibility somewhere ‘off-screen’ after the series ends. Dead, on the other hand, is dead. Sure, I can create AU ‘so-and-so-lives’ headcanons, but I’m still acutely aware that they’re AUs, y’know? ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Yessss, Persuasion is such a great comparison! There’s something very bittersweet and healing about that kind of ship. Shades of a shared past paired with hope for a better shared present and future. The gradual realization that it isn’t too late to find/create happiness. idk, I just have a lot of feelings about this dynamic.

[givencontext]

FREEDOM 2020

Why Pick a Word?

Do you pick a word or phrase as a theme for the year? I don’t remember how long ago I started picking a theme word, but it might coincide with when I started using the Rituals for Living Dreambook and Planner. I love this planner so much. I really feel like it helps me stay focused on what is important and helps me make plans to achieve some things that might just fall under “that would be nice” or “someday” if I didn’t have a system for dreaming and planning. My theme word for 2019 was Adventure. You can read my adventure plans here or read how the year turned out here. Now it’s time to pick a word for 2020, and much like last year, there is a word that keeps jumping out at me. For 2020, my word is FREEDOM. Yes, in part this is because my divorce will be finalizing ASAP, but there is so much more to it. Here are some of my plans for the year and how they fit into Freedom. I have divided them into the same headings that the planner uses for my own convenience.

Goals, Dreams, and Other Plans

Career/Livelihood/Influence

Re-start and finish the 12-week book The Calling in an effort to discover my “life’s work.” I started this before the whole “my life falling apart thing” and the new year seems like a good time to give it a fresh start. I created a Facebook group and invited some friends to join me, so I am hoping this helps me stay on track and get through the book in 12 weeks. I don’t have to do it perfectly, I just need to get it done and see what I learn about myself in the process. By week four, I am supposed to be free of that old burden of not knowing what my calling is. I am not saying I will be changing jobs or anything, but I am looking to align myself with a purpose and maybe come up with some grand scheme. We shall see.

So far as my current career and livelihood go, it’s almost hysterical to say that this has been the most “stable” part of my life over the past four months, because I have a new primary contact at my customer and… yeah… everything has changed. I am sitting in the same office, looking out the same window, drawing the same paycheck…. that is the definition of stability in my life right now. I have a personal goal to “be ready” to think about my next career move by the end of April. I don’t have to apply for a job by then or anything, but right now I’ve taken that option off the table until then. Freedom.

My Facebook group is sort of an experiment in Influence. Let’s see how that goes.

Relationships and Family

The primary relationship I am focused on this year is the most primary of all. I will be focused on my relationship with myself. I know that my primary love language is Acts of Service, so I am going to practice that on myself. I already started this with a reframe of some of the things I already do. Driving myself to tap class or Pure Barre is now an act of service. Prepping my breakfast for the whole week is a service. It also means taking people up on their offers of “anything I can do to help.” That sends a message to myself that I am worthy of and willing to accept love. It feels so good!

I also need to rack up lots more QT with my baby before the Squid starts back to college in the fall. Lots of dancing and Barre with kid #1, and probably some movies, concerts, or road trips thrown in there. Apparently, I need to pet Torgo incessantly so he stops biting me. Over the holidays I thought I had petted him enough, but he is either high maintenance or he’s still a kitten, or both. Ash and Cap could use more attention too, but they all get treats now, so they think I am the bees knees.

Community

Aside from getting centered around myself, I would like to spend more time with my BFFs. I have bragged and bragged about the wonderful support I get from lots of people in my life. My goal for 2020 is to do a good job of maintaining those relationships. I know I won’t get this 100%, but I want to feel as good about my friendships at the end of the year as I do at the beginning. It’s time to pay forward some of that support.

Physical Wellbeing

My goal for the year is to attend 120 Pure Barre classes, this would be an average of 10 per month, but I think the new studio closest to me might not open until February, so I might have some catchup to play. I have been to 2 classes so far in 2020, so I need to pick up the pace some. This class is really going to help me have more endurance for tap class. It’s good to have a low-impact activity for balance. I will have my second tap recital this spring.

Of course, I am continuing my Bright Line Eating journey. I am continuing to build community around this too. BLE impacts every area of my life, but it does all boil down to the freedom I get when I let go of sugar and flour and focus on fueling my body with whole, real foods. It is really more about my brain than my body, but my brain is sitting inside my body right now. Gross, right?

Create/Explore/Play

Play is another word that comes up a lot for me recently. It has already been front and center in The Calling, and I have barely started. When people propose thinking back to what you loved to do when you were seven years old as a way of finding your life’s work, the first thing that always comes to mind that was my favorite thing to do is swing. Just hanging out in the back yard with my friends and cousins and swinging. At the park, I always give the little kids priority, but if I can catch an empty swing, my day has been made. Sometimes I really am that easy to please.

What can I create? I have been meaning to crochet more or do more needle felting. I hope to write more blogs this year. I am ticking up my reading goal by one book to keep it in line with my age. I hope to keep pace with my accomplishment last year of reading at least 50% books by women.

Alas, this is the area with the most untapped potential. Let’s see how the year progresses.

Psychological and Spiritual Health

I am a huge proponent of mental healthcare. Everyone should have a therapist. I have seen my therapist and my doctor regularly since the “reasons to get a divorce” stuff came up. I saw my therapist sometimes before that, but most of that was centered around ways I could help my kiddo with the severest anxiety. Despite those “reasons,” and despite everything I have been through (and survived) before, this divorce has really been hard on me. It’s hard to even admit that. It shouldn’t be a shameful thing to say, “someone hurt me and I am hurting because of it.” Nevertheless, the pressure these days to appear that you can “keep it all together” is very real. I can’t do that anymore. I’m not unhappy, but I am going through something right now, and I reserve the right to be “not okay” until I get to the other side of it. I even plan to give myself some time after I get to the other side. That’s the best thing I can do for my psychological health today.

In this post I talked about the fact that I no longer identify as a Christian. Does that mean I don’t have spiritual health? Of course it doesn’t mean that. I get many of my spiritual needs met through time with other women. Sister Circles are powerful settings. I believe in the divine feminine and that women are on the rise in an effort to achieve BALANCE, equanimity, peace. One of these wise women suggested working with an archetype for the year. The queen of heaven, Inanna, had been popping up for me, so I knew she would be my partner for the year. I am going to read about her and just sort of hang out with her and see where she leads me. I also plan to delve into Buddhism some more. Y’know, in my spare time.

Freedom

I could have had a smoother start to 2020, but there wasn’t a magic switch to pull at midnight on New Year’s Eve that would sweep away all of the old and usher in the new. Things from last year still have to be dealt with, and I am doing it. At any given moment, I am doing my best. I feel good about that. I have a lot of plans in place, but I also plan to take some time and rest and take care of myself. I can’t conquer the whole year in January, and I don’t need to. I can do it one day at a time. I will wake up each day and decide what “freedom” means to me today. For better or for worse, this year is a turning point for me. I get to write the next chapter of my life, and the title is FREEDOM.

Leave a comment to let me know if you chose a word for theme for 2020!

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